Oct. 3, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:46:46
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Yes, it's true that the new Joe Rogan Experience Studio will have a desk that has meow Written into it in metal. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| That's how we roll, bitches. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| We roll deep. | ||
| And we hire craftsmen. | ||
| I'm having shit constructed right now. | ||
| Made out of old, reused farm wood. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by many, many things, ladies and gentlemen, because this shit all costs money. | ||
| And I'm trying to get... | ||
| Paid, yo. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| One of the things we're brought by is a fucking badass new cell phone company called Ting. | ||
| And what Ting is, they use the Sprint network. | ||
| So it's not like they have three towers in the whole country. | ||
| No, they have a fucking major network. | ||
| They use a Sprint network. | ||
| And they make shit really simple. | ||
| They cut out all the BS that is normally involved in having a cell phone. | ||
| For instance, you don't have to have a contract. | ||
| You don't have to pay if you cancel. | ||
| There's weird shit that happens when you get a cell phone. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's not like buying gas. | ||
| You can't say, well, you know, I don't want to use your gas anymore, so I'm not going to give you any more money. | ||
| No, you somehow or another got roped into some weird thing where you've got to continue to give them money. | ||
| And if you don't want to give them money anymore, you've got to give them extra money. | ||
| What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| That should be illegal. | ||
| And what Ting does is they take it upon themselves to try to create a moral business. | ||
| A business that's fair. | ||
| A business that makes sense. | ||
| No contracts. | ||
| No bundling, ride-along services. | ||
| No overage charge. | ||
| If you use a certain amount of cell phone minutes per month and you don't use all of your minutes, they roll over into the next month. | ||
| The way it should be. | ||
| Rogan.ting.com. | ||
| That's where you want to go and you'll save 50 bucks off of any smartphone. | ||
| And they have some dope phones. | ||
| Especially the one that I got from them is the Samsung Galaxy S3. And it is fucking badass. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Especially for looking at pictures and looking at websites. | ||
| It's enormous, man. | ||
| The screen is gorgeous. | ||
| Is it better than an iPhone? | ||
| It's not better. | ||
| It's different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a bigger screen. | |
| It's a bigger screen. | ||
| No, that part's better, for sure. | ||
| But I really am so used to the Apple operating system. | ||
| That it would be hard for me to say what's better and what's worse. | ||
| And by the way, I kept a Blackberry for a long time, dude. | ||
| I hung in there, dude. | ||
| I took body shots. | ||
| How do people cling to those? | ||
| I saw Mike Young last night using a Blackberry. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| He's probably reminding himself of the old jokes that he's got written on his Blackberry. | ||
| Sorry, Mike Young. | ||
| I hate to do that to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You and Mike Young. | |
| You know I love him, sort of. | ||
| I do love him. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He's a great human being. | ||
| Yes, he is. | ||
| I give everybody shit about their act. | ||
| If you're telling the same jokes for ten years, someone should give you shit, and you should snap out of it. | ||
| I think that's for all of us. | ||
| Don't you think, Duncan? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But other than that, Mike Young's an awesome dude. | ||
| He's very funny, too. | ||
| Very funny in person. | ||
| What are you doing with that noise? | ||
| Getting crazy? | ||
| I like what you're doing. | ||
| Tripping you out. | ||
| You are tripping me out. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| It's setting the stage. | ||
| So go to rogan.ting.com and find out more. | ||
| Find out the technical shit that I can't tell you. | ||
| And see all the different phones that are available. | ||
| Lots of different Android phones are available. | ||
| And even like regular phones. | ||
| If you're crazy, you're one of those nutty dudes. | ||
| Dana White's one of those nutty dudes. | ||
| He's got like flip phone. | ||
| He's got a little flip phone. | ||
| That's how they all had them in Japan, remember that? | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| In Japan, they all had high-tech flip phones. | ||
| Yeah, totally different though. | ||
| But still, if Ting, as you say, is creating a situation where you don't have to have a contract, And they have cheap phones. | ||
| They have great phones. | ||
| That's called Prank Central. | ||
| If that means I can just pop in there and get a phone for a month and then put that in my friend's trunk or in a briefcase so they think they found some government phone and then randomly call them, fuck yes. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| Why would you think to use it like that, especially in the middle of a fucking commercial? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| That helps sell ting phones. | ||
| Yeah, to cunts. | ||
| What's wrong with pranks? | ||
| I think the UFOs are landing now. | ||
| That's really freaking me out. | ||
| Anyway, back to the commercial. | ||
| Go to rogan.ting.com and check out all that shit. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Dasquad.tv. | ||
| What is Dasquad.tv? | ||
| Dasquad.tv is the website of Brian Redband. | ||
| He was the first one to put a website up that represents What Desquad is, is our little family of fuckheads. | ||
| That's us. | ||
| We're the Desquad. | ||
| Long story. | ||
| Anyway, if you go to Desquad.tv, you can buy a Desquad t-shirt. | ||
| And we see them at so many of these shows that we do. | ||
| And it's badass to see, you know, so many people wearing these silly fucking shirts. | ||
| Go to deskwad.tv and you can pick them up. | ||
| There's also stickers for sale and news of all upcoming tour dates. | ||
| A lot of guys are starting to do little mini road trips. | ||
| And I know Brian's got one coming up in Columbus, Ohio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brendan Walsh? | |
| Yeah, with Brendan Walsh and Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| And a special guest that I can't tell you about who's pretty fucking badass. | ||
| I'm going to Vancouver tomorrow. | ||
| It's not you, bitch. | ||
| It's not all about you, okay? | ||
| It's not all about you. | ||
| You're mad because I'm late. | ||
| This motherfucker. | ||
| It's not all about him. | ||
| I'm in the middle of a commercial for Brian. | ||
| You're like, I'm going somewhere, too. | ||
| I'm going to Vancouver. | ||
| Sorry, I didn't realize I was like that. | ||
| We'll get to you, man. | ||
| Just calm down. | ||
| I didn't get the program. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, you should be happy, though. | |
| Somebody got another Death Squad tattoo. | ||
| This makes it, I think, the 15th one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And check this out. | |
| It's the new cat, the one that you like so much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| That's good. | ||
| That's a really good version. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's Zach. | |
| That is fucking creepy as shit, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't it? | |
| And I can't even tell what part of his body because it looks like it's very... | ||
| That's his dick. | ||
| It's clearly his dick. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| A lot of hardcore pores going on there. | ||
| Yeah, you got a lot of pores, son. | ||
| That is nice. | ||
| You need to eat some vegetables. | ||
| I don't know what's happening there. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. And Onnit.com is essentially a supplement company all for... | ||
| High-end athletic supplements and what we call nootropics. | ||
| And what nootropics are is far more complicated for a retard like myself to be describing. | ||
| It would really seem hypocritical if I had some alpha brain with my beer. | ||
| Does it not go with beer? | ||
| I don't think it does. | ||
| You're really freaking me out, kid. | ||
| No, I don't think it goes with beer, Brian. | ||
| Or Duncan, excuse me. | ||
| No, I don't think it's nutritional. | ||
| And alcohol is like the opposite of nutritional. | ||
| All right, dude. | ||
| Enough, silly bitch. | ||
| If you go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, you can check out all the different supplements that are available. | ||
| All of them are things that I have used extensively before we ever got involved in the company. | ||
| It's all stuff that I believe in. | ||
| Anything that I ever sell you on this podcast, Silly fucking show. | ||
| One thing I can guarantee you is if I say something, even if I'm incorrect, I believe it. | ||
| I'll never tell you anything I don't believe. | ||
| And if I find out that I'm wrong, I'll tell you that. | ||
| And if I use something and I tell you to use something, it's because it's a really solid product, period. | ||
| That goes all the way back to the fleshlight, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very underrated product, the flashlight. | |
| Brian, Brian, just because I encouraged you to play a little piano in the background doesn't mean you can have fucking aliens landing on my head. | ||
| You're freaking me out, man. | ||
| The newest things we have at Onnit are Hemp Force, which is this new delicious protein powder. | ||
| It's the best tasting protein powder in the world. | ||
| It's fucking fantastic. | ||
| It's made out of hemp. | ||
| Which is hard to get and illegal in this country, Duncan Trussell. | ||
| Illegal. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Even though it doesn't even get you high. | ||
| That's a good answer to the question that inevitably comes to these poor fucks that have to get drug tested at work. | ||
| No, we don't. | ||
| If you eat hemp protein powder, you will not test positive for THC. But, if you eat poppy seed bagels, you will test positive for heroin. | ||
| So you gotta be careful about that. | ||
| Which is really crazy, but it is true. | ||
| They tell you not to eat poppy seed bagels before you go in for a drug test. | ||
| Does that mean that you could take enough poppy seed bagels and extract heroin out of them? | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think it's just a confusion in your system, because I think the urine tests that they use just register metabolites, and it's just the same metabolite, apparently. | ||
| I don't really understand it. | ||
| I don't think so, though. | ||
| I don't think you can get high from poppy seeds all day. | ||
| Can you imagine if that's why the appeal of bagels, that poppy seeds were just super mild heroin? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, and you just eat it in the morning and just feel everything feels so good. | ||
| I hate how poppy seeds don't digest fully, so like when you're wiping, you have all these little seeds flying all over your hands. | ||
| Yeah, they're kind of tricky. | ||
| Well, people have been arrested for having those seeds on them when they go to like the Middle East and like really strict drug countries. | ||
| Because they're seeds of like set off alarms and those fucking... | ||
| Remember those things that they use for a little while that would push dust off of you? | ||
| They don't use those anymore, have you noticed? | ||
| Stop using those. | ||
| Because dudes were going to jail for fucking poppy seeds in other countries. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| That's just my ex-opposition. | ||
| Anyway, hemp force will not make you test positive. | ||
| It's just the plant and it's not psychoactive at all. | ||
| Even though it's completely illegal, yet legal. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| It's totally legal to have. | ||
| It's totally legal to sell. | ||
| But you can't grow it here. | ||
| You have to grow it somewhere else. | ||
| It's really a fucking... | ||
| It's clear corruption, and it's clearly the pharmaceutical drug companies controlling agriculture and controlling our access to one of the greatest plants the world has ever known. | ||
| For whatever fucking goofy-ass reason, our government has let this go in place. | ||
| And even though they know that this hemp plant... | ||
| Even though it's related to marijuana, it has no psychoactive properties. | ||
| You cannot get high from it. | ||
| But it has an amazing source of protein, amazing source of amino acids. | ||
| You can make essential oil out of it. | ||
| You can make fuel out of it. | ||
| You can build houses with it. | ||
| It's really unbelievable that hemp is illegal. | ||
| But it is. | ||
| So we have to buy it from Canada. | ||
| But it's legal to have it once you get it. | ||
| Once you fucking let somebody else grow it. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's just one more giant piece of evidence that we're fucked. | ||
| But if you go to Onnit.com, that's O-N-N-I-T, you can get yourself some Hemp Forest. | ||
| It's yummy. | ||
| It's got one gram of sugar per serving. | ||
| I think, yeah. | ||
| Whatever small amount it is. | ||
| And it's all stevia that it's sweetened with. | ||
| So it's sweetened with natural sweeteners. | ||
| And it's yummy as fuck. | ||
| And it's got maca, and it's also got raw cocoa in it. | ||
| So go to onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. All right, you fucking freaks. | ||
| Get some battle ropes in your system. | ||
| We got kettlebells, battle ropes. | ||
| Do a lot of manly shit, Duncan Trussell. | ||
| And if you use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| All right, freaks? | ||
| Duncan Trussell's here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's get the party rolling. | |
| Hello? | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| A lot of times you know someone, you can know someone for a long time, and you go, wow, this is a fucking weird cat, man. | ||
| I never met anybody like him. | ||
| And you never get it. | ||
| You're like, this dude is not like anybody ever. | ||
| I wonder how this guy grew up. | ||
| And then you go to the town where they grew up, and you go, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. | ||
| I just got a huge piece of the Duncan Trussell puzzle this weekend in Asheville, North Carolina. | ||
| Asheville is so awesome. | ||
| I don't want to tell people about Asheville because I'm scared they're gonna move there. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm scared they'll move there and fuck that place up. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I mean, it's grown so fast already, man. | ||
| It's unbelievably beautiful. | ||
| The whole thing is so ridiculous. | ||
| You've got this incredibly gorgeous landscape all around you everywhere, these intense green mountains. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's these super cool people in this town where you can walk around everywhere. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And you're like, whoa. | ||
| I mean, it's like they took the best parts of Austin and moved it to the North Carolina mountains. | ||
| That's exactly right. | ||
| That's a perfect description. | ||
| It's like southern cool people. | ||
| But it's like freebasing Austin, if that's possible. | ||
| It's really condensed Austin. | ||
| Mainlining it. | ||
| Austin. | ||
| It's Austin in a needle, shoved right into your dick. | ||
| But dude, you didn't get to walk around, man. | ||
| I didn't have to. | ||
| There's all these new shops. | ||
| I went to, there's a tea room there, where like, there's just, it's like an opium den with blankets everywhere. | ||
| People with their shoes off, sitting like, reading poetry. | ||
| It's fucking cool. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| That place is so weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| The show was awesome. | ||
| Hanging out with the people there was awesome. | ||
| Thanks to my friend Sam for hooking me up, taking care of us out there. | ||
| The whole place was just so strange. | ||
| It's like what a crazy little town. | ||
| It's so small. | ||
| It's so small and cool. | ||
| I just loved everything about it. | ||
| It's like if Occupy Wall Street turned into a city. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Because it's not as complain-y. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But it is filled with subversive folks. | ||
| There's a lot of people there who are apparently in the environmental liberation front. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Eco-terrorists, perhaps, are hanging out there. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You should probably not say that on the air, dude. | ||
| You're doing the government's work. | ||
| I think people, oh yeah, it'd be really hard to figure out there might be eco-terrorists there. | ||
| I saw a nun riding down the fucking street on some giant tricycle chasing a bus. | ||
| We discussed this on the phone. | ||
| That wasn't a nun. | ||
| That was a chick who was going to go fuck her boyfriend and he wanted her to come over dressed like a nun. | ||
| That's what that was. | ||
| That's a great girlfriend. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great girlfriend. | ||
| That's what that was. | ||
| Come to my house on a tricycle dressed as a nun. | ||
| I'm horny. | ||
| But there were a few churches there, so maybe it is, you know? | ||
| I think religion is... | ||
| I've never been to one place that has no religion. | ||
| Like, even in Boulder. | ||
| Boulder is a pretty liberal, intelligent, you know, sort of left-wingy kind of a place. | ||
| They have plenty of churches. | ||
| My friend just sent me this thing, I haven't listened to it yet, on this debate that they did as to whether or not the world would be a better place if religion did not exist. | ||
| And it's like a, like, these are professional debaters and intellectuals. | ||
| I can't remember what it's, it's like on NPR or something. | ||
| But the end result was they decided, yeah, the world's better without religion. | ||
| It would have been much better. | ||
| Yeah, they say that, but yes and no. | ||
| You know, it's like, I think religion serves as an operating system for a lot of people. | ||
| And if they didn't have religion, you'd have to explain shit to them. | ||
| And that could get so tiresome. | ||
| It would get so tiresome to sit around with some blundering moron, you know, pontificating on what it means to have a finite life in an infinite universe. | ||
| And what part of, you know, this part of this experience you really do play. | ||
| What part do you play? | ||
| And what is your consciousness all about? | ||
| And why are you so scared of it shutting off? | ||
| Those are scary, terrifying questions for the average person. | ||
| And, you know, maybe like... | ||
| Maybe some ditch digger dude doesn't need to know that. | ||
| Maybe there's some dudes who have some... | ||
| I believe there's people that have brains that work way better than mine. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| I've talked to people that I... It's not just a matter of education. | ||
| It's a matter of some people are gifted. | ||
| There's some people who have little tiny hands, and then there's people that are built like Shaquille O'Neal, and he could grab them and crush them, and it's not fair. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense, but it's just the way it is. | ||
| And I think that there's some people that are living in this life as humans, but yet they're not quite human. | ||
| They're like, just below human. | ||
| Like, you talk to them, and you're like, so what do you think happens when you die? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, man, for sure you go to heaven. | |
| You get to be with Jesus. | ||
| I've believed this since I was a child. | ||
| You're talking to them, and there's a weird disconnect with a person. | ||
| They talk, and it's not even that they're not... | ||
| I've met some really intelligent Christians. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| That's not what I'm saying. | ||
| What I'm saying is there's certain people that are just really dumb, and they really aren't capable of thinking about deep shit. | ||
| They're not capable of... | ||
| They're pondering the really insane question of what the fuck this life is. | ||
| They're not capable of it. | ||
| So religion, I've always felt, is like a nice scaffolding for people like that. | ||
| It lets them experience all the benefits of being a positive person and being a giving and loving person. | ||
| You know, we all experience those benefits. | ||
| You know, it's just they're teaching them to do it in the way that it's transcribing the wishes of some holy master who created you. | ||
| And I said it once. | ||
| I'm not fucking saying it again. | ||
| Write it down. | ||
| This is what you do. | ||
| Do it or else you go to hell. | ||
| It's almost like it's structured to make the idiots have a really simple moral path. | ||
| It gives you a nice little story to explain the really weird but real complexities of love and positive thinking and how it shapes lives and how your intention shapes lives and your imagination shapes your life and how This thing is malleable and it's not understood. | ||
| This life that we're living is simply not understood. | ||
| That's too fucking weird for some people. | ||
| They can't handle that. | ||
| That's not getting in there. | ||
| That's going to their ear and bouncing off like it hit a fucking trampoline. | ||
| So, for some people, religion allows them to... | ||
| Be on a good path. | ||
| It allows them to, you know, to do good and to experience the result of that, even though they're doing it, you know, because of some fictional character. | ||
| It's like they're still doing the same, they're doing the correct things. | ||
| It's like when religion gets nutty, when you get into like the Inquisition or stabbing cartoon makers because they drew your guy, when religion goes completely off the tracks like that, that's when it becomes a problem. | ||
| But I think that's not the majority of religious people. | ||
| I think the majority of religious people probably benefit from it in a sense of community, for sure. | ||
| Churches are a big part of neighborhoods and communities. | ||
| It's a big part of how people interact with each other. | ||
| And if you could find something that was a religion where it made sense to you, if it was a logical religion, It actually would probably be a good thing to be a part of, because what you're doing is you're committing your family, and you're committing all the families around you that are all in this sort of community together to take part in some sort of journey of spiritualism. | ||
| Can I play devil's advocate, literally? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Against religion? | ||
| So, because I agree with you, but I think that the problem is that it creates... | ||
| Not only a structure where people can sort of rest and have an ethical system that they're not going to come up with on their own, but obviously the danger of all that is that Certain unscrupulous human beings have figured out that if they put on the right costume, they can convince dopes to give them cows, suck their dicks, take gold. | ||
| Because all they have to say is, priests and religious leaders become like God's agents, like CAA for God, where they're like, yeah, I'm taking the calls for God, I'll tell you what God wants. | ||
| Yeah, God wants you to blow me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Conveniently, And I don't know why, because he's crazy. | |
| But he wants you to suck my dick. | ||
| And he wants seven of your cows. | ||
| I don't even know why he likes cows. | ||
| And he would like 10% of everything you make for the rest of your life. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| I just don't kill the messenger. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| We're not going to put it on paper. | ||
| I just want you to continue to pay that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not even on paper, right? | ||
| When you tithe, it's not like, you know, this is like written somewhere where you have to give 10% of your money, right? | ||
| Isn't that what people just do? | ||
| I don't know if there's a scriptural thing that says 10%. | ||
| I think it's something that just sort of seems like a logical number. | ||
| But you remember that? | ||
| It was a couple of years ago in India, in a temple. | ||
| They opened up the vaults in the temple. | ||
| They hadn't opened it up, or they found some vaults, and it was just filled with gold. | ||
| Just filled with fucking gold. | ||
| And everyone around the temple was in awe for all this money, but when you really think about what that gold came from... | ||
| It came from hypnotized people who believed that these priests were in some way representing God, and then the gold didn't even go anywhere. | ||
| It moldered in the basement of a fucking temple. | ||
| So when you see that there's that level of exploitation that happens, and you retweeted that amazing YouTube video of the guy whose job it is to suck the freshly circumcised kid's cock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's explaining why, according to religion? | |
| That's the guy in my act. | ||
| People think that that's fake. | ||
| That really is real. | ||
| I couldn't believe it, dude. | ||
| I did think you were exaggerating. | ||
| I couldn't believe that that's an actual... | ||
| Yeah, well, it's not only that. | ||
| He was justifying it. | ||
| He was justifying it by quoting the pages. | ||
| It says in... | ||
| Page 64, chapter 7. He's going through all his nonsense with his fucking wizard outfit on and his goofy-ass beard, and he's explaining where it says it's okay to suck the baby's dick. | ||
| He's so completely lost his objectivity that he is actually trying to explain why this is necessary. | ||
| I think there's a distinction to make between that dick, that baby dick. | ||
| It's not just a baby's dick. | ||
| It's a bleeding baby's dick. | ||
| A screaming baby's dick. | ||
| And, you know, like I say in the bit about it that I do in my act, like, how the fuck do we know that that kid can't remember that? | ||
| We're just assuming just because he can't talk and he, you know, that he doesn't have a way to express how much it sucks that you cut his dick and start sucking on it. | ||
| But for sure, you don't know whether or not that baby can remember that. | ||
| That seems like a really traumatic moment. | ||
| And I remember some intensely traumatic moments from when I was young. | ||
| So I would think that would be something that would fucking haunt the back of your brain for the rest of your life. | ||
| Some old creepy asshole speaking in a dead language and sucking your dick while he's wearing a wizard costume. | ||
| Your bloody dick. | ||
| Your dick that he just mutilated. | ||
| Freshly slashed dick. | ||
| While your parents don't even save you. | ||
| Your parents let this stupid nonsense. | ||
| They're paying him. | ||
| Yeah, they're paying to get this dummy to fucking cut your bloody dick and then suck it. | ||
| I just had my mom on my podcast. | ||
| And I was like, how did it go? | ||
| When I came out of your pussy, did they circumcise me right then? | ||
| Did they cut it off then? | ||
| And she's like, yeah. | ||
| She said it was sometime around there. | ||
| She's like, but you didn't like it. | ||
| You cried. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's like, no shit, I cried. | ||
| You snipped off the tip of my cock. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| Everybody's mutilated. | ||
| The majority of Americans are mutilated. | ||
| And it's a weird thing with people where they don't want to admit that this is like... | ||
| It's really kind of a... | ||
| People are like, you're so exaggerating, Rogan. | ||
| Fucking relax. | ||
| Mutilating. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| That skin is there to protect the tip of your dick. | ||
| Don't you think uncircumcised cocks in porn look weird? | ||
| No, I don't, Duncan. | ||
| The skin is supposed to protect the tip of your dick, and your dick is supposed to be like glisten-y, like mucous-y. | ||
| It's supposed to be like super sensitive. | ||
| But instead, they hack that shit off and the tip of your dick dries out. | ||
| Like, it's not supposed to be dry like that. | ||
| It's supposed to be moist, like inside a woman's vagina. | ||
| That's what your dick's supposed to be like. | ||
| And it's supposed to feel better that way because of that. | ||
| Because it's like moist and like slippery. | ||
| And then there's this nonsense that people are pushing, and it's all been disproven by science, about AIDS. People are saying that it's like to protect people from AIDS. Like, that is one of the craziest ideas I have ever fucking heard, is that somehow or another extra foreskin dick skin is gonna protect you if you fuck a guy who's got AIDS. Like, that is one of the craziest ideas I've ever heard. | ||
| Like, you're gonna fuck that guy, man? | ||
| He's got AIDS. Like, dude, I'm circumcised. | ||
| Oh, well go fuck away. | ||
| Go hit it, buddy. | ||
| This is not protecting you from AIDS. There's no fucking way that protects you from AIDS. That's ridiculous. | ||
| But we want to justify doing it. | ||
| We want to justify that it was done to us, and we're in denial about it. | ||
| You're hacking off a piece of a little kid's dick, and there's no science for it whatsoever. | ||
| It's craziness, and the majority of people do it. | ||
| How many pounds Of baby foreskin meat gets generated a year. | ||
| Enough to feed, like, a couple dogs for life, right? | ||
| A couple bears. | ||
| Yeah, you think about all the babies being born and just chop, chop, chop, screaming. | ||
| If you could put together all the babies being born, coming out of the pussies all at once, and getting their dicks circumcised all together in one screaming mass. | ||
| It'd be a dubstep music video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's ridiculous. | |
| I think you are underestimating the amount of foreskin meat that gets generated by this planet. | ||
| Did you hear about that guy who fell into his hog pen? | ||
| The hogs ate him. | ||
| The hogs ate him? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Pigs are a motherfucker, man. | ||
| Pigs are a motherfucker. | ||
| They're so scary. | ||
| Big, fat, stupid animals that will eat you if you fall in their pen. | ||
| They're like 700 pounds. | ||
| They just started chewing on it. | ||
| I bet it was a quick death, though. | ||
| Well, they fucked him up, man. | ||
| They ate most of him before the people even found him. | ||
| The guy went missing for a few hours, and by the time they got there, he was disemboweled. | ||
| They had just eaten the shit out of him. | ||
| Yeah, they couldn't even find him. | ||
| Yeah, most of it was missing. | ||
| It's really scary what a pig could do to you. | ||
| It's like the Tibetan sky ritual, but with pigs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, pigs are even better than that. | ||
| You don't even have to mash up the bones. | ||
| They'll do it for you. | ||
| That's an enormous problem. | ||
| They'll take care of everything. | ||
| The pigs are responsible for more deaths per year than any other livestock. | ||
| That's crazy when you think about bulls. | ||
| But no, pigs are responsible for more deaths. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| Pigs are fucking... | ||
| Wild pig, especially. | ||
| Wild pigs are really creepy. | ||
| That just doesn't go through my list of ways I might die. | ||
| Dude, you've never seen the pig show, Pig Man? | ||
| No. | ||
| The guy who goes pig hunting? | ||
| Dude, it is one of the craziest shows that I've ever seen on television, okay? | ||
| It's a guy named Pig Man. | ||
| He lives in South Texas. | ||
| The wild pig problem in South Texas is like roaches in Manhattan. | ||
| I mean, it is bananas. | ||
| You can't fucking believe how many pigs there are. | ||
| And they're huge. | ||
| And they're wild pigs. | ||
| What happens with pigs is a pig, when they leave, it's really weird. | ||
| When they leave captivity, within three weeks, their body changes. | ||
| Their snout starts to grow longer. | ||
| Their hair gets thicker and bushier. | ||
| Their fangs, their tusks grow longer. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Like they physically morph and it starts in just three weeks. | ||
| As soon as they have to fend for themselves. | ||
| As soon as the food's not continually delivered to them. | ||
| So you keep them in like this fetus form when you continually deliver food to them. | ||
| When you see pigs, you see them, they're fat and they're lazy and they're just laying around and we just stuff them and overstuff them and then eventually slaughter them. | ||
| They do not even remotely resemble wild pigs. | ||
| Wild pigs are motherfuckers, dude, and they will attack you. | ||
| In this one show, this guy shot a wild pig with two arrows, and it didn't kill it, and the thing charged them from the bushes, and he's unloading a pistol into it, as the thing rushes him, a death run. | ||
| It's with tusks. | ||
| And they're hundreds of pounds. | ||
| Three, four, five hundred pounds. | ||
| Wild pigs. | ||
| And they're everywhere. | ||
| There are millions of them in Texas. | ||
| So this guy Pig Man and Ted Nugent get a helicopter. | ||
| And they're flying around in a helicopter shooting these pigs out of the sky. | ||
| Shooting them from the sky. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| They kill 200 pigs in a one hour show. | ||
| It's amazing the different lives people are having on this planet. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| This guy is just fucking up pigs all day. | ||
| What do you call? | ||
| Shank him. | ||
| I'm here to shank him. | ||
| He's a shanking swine. | ||
| And he's just like this heavy-duty southern good old boy from South Texas. | ||
| It's a funny fucking show, man. | ||
| You know when you play video games and when you're going to bed, if you play video games too much, you kind of see them on the back of your eyes? | ||
| Have you ever done that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This guy, when he goes to bed, he just sees pigs from a helicopter's POV shooting and shooting pigs. | ||
| Dude, they shoot them with assault rifles. | ||
| I mean, it's crazy. | ||
| They're swooping around this helicopter. | ||
| Are they herds of pigs? | ||
| Do they herd up? | ||
| So why not grenades? | ||
| Because they're actually going to use the meat. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| They give the meat to foreign. | ||
| They give the meat to poor people. | ||
| They send the meat to Iran. | ||
| They send the meat to Afghanistan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's where all the boys back home want some wild swine. | |
| Nothing they love more than wild pork! | ||
| Yeah, that's how we really get at them. | ||
| We import pigs, because to Muslims, they're not supposed to eat pork at all. | ||
| If we imported these 500 pound murdered fucking hogs, murdered from the sky, death from above, they do it to like Apocalypse Now. | ||
| And it's called the Porkalypse, Porkalypse Now. | ||
| It is a fucking insane show. | ||
| So there are no pigs in Iran? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| I know they're not supposed to eat them if it's a Muslim country, right? | ||
| I mean, you would offend a lot of people if you were eating them. | ||
| Yeah, because they eat their own shit. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So do gorillas. | ||
| Don't eat gorillas. | ||
| Bush meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the AIDS meat. | |
| That's where it all starts. | ||
| That's where patient zero starts. | ||
| That's so gross. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You ate bad gorilla one night and then you get AIDS? There's some people eating things in Africa right now. | |
| What do you think the AIDS gorilla tasted like? | ||
| Not good. | ||
| But it tasted like old feet, just like stinky gym feet. | ||
| But they were hungry. | ||
| It tastes like a cadaver. | ||
| Ugh! | ||
| Yeah, it's got to be very human-like. | ||
| How dirty was that gorilla? | ||
| Even more gamey than humans, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did that gorilla do to get AIDS? Somebody probably fucked it. | |
| It's probably when you introduced human... | ||
| We're going to find out that all this shit boils down to somebody had a fucking animal somewhere. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| Where does swine flu come from? | ||
| Well, funny thing about pigs. | ||
| They'll just let you fuck them. | ||
| People started getting swine flu, chicken flu, chicken virus. | ||
| You know, that's the thing about flus. | ||
| A lot of people don't know. | ||
| A lot of them, bird flus. | ||
| These flus, a lot of them, they come from farms. | ||
| They come from these crazy places where you stuff a million animals on three acres, and it smells like death, and that's where diseases come from. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Farms are fucking creepy, man. | ||
| Like cattle farms where they butcher cows. | ||
| We went and did a fear factor on one of them. | ||
| I've got to tell you about this other guy on fear factor, too. | ||
| It goes with what we were talking about earlier about religion. | ||
| Remind me. | ||
| But we went to this thing. | ||
| We had to do this Slaughterhouse episode. | ||
| It was a fucked up show, man. | ||
| Where we gave these people... | ||
| It was like a bathtub of blood. | ||
| And they had to dunk their head in and pull out these rings. | ||
| They had to grab them with their face and pull out these rings. | ||
| And they were just covered in blood. | ||
| And one guy couldn't do it. | ||
| It was cold water. | ||
| The blood, rather, was really cold. | ||
| It had to be 38 degrees because otherwise it can go bad and then people get sick. | ||
| So we had to change the blood for every person, I think. | ||
| That was polite. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think we had to do it for health reasons. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| But I remember it being super, super cold. | ||
| So anyway, this guy starts going nuts and smashing the blood like the Hulk and screaming. | ||
| And this guy had been in the parking lot before the show. | ||
| He had been talking in his side view mirror, looking at a side view mirror, going, you are a winner. | ||
| You will succeed. | ||
| You are going to press ahead. | ||
| Nothing will stop you. | ||
| You cannot quit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| So this guy had some, like, serious, like, hang-ups in his mind with failure when it comes to... | ||
| But I don't understand. | ||
| You say he's smashing the blood? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Well, like, the Hulk. | ||
| Like, here's a big bathtub full of blood, and he's going like this. | ||
| It's splattering all over everybody and him, and he's soaked in blood screaming. | ||
| And he was a big guy. | ||
| He was a big dude. | ||
| He was like a football player. | ||
| And I'm looking at this guy. | ||
| I'm like, if this guy wants to kick my ass, this might be a real problem. | ||
| This is a big dude. | ||
| This guy would like, you know, he's like a fucking physically strong guy. | ||
| If he wants to kick your ass, at the very least, someone's getting hurt. | ||
| There's going to be some chaos. | ||
| And I'm looking around at these fucking cameramen. | ||
| They're all skinny guys, smoking cigarettes. | ||
| Most of them are completely out of shape. | ||
| A lot of them are older guys with back problems. | ||
| I'm like, no one's going to save me. | ||
| Who's going to save me if this guy goes bananas? | ||
| That is fucking... | ||
| Yeah, this dude right here, apparently he was a really nice guy and he felt real bad about his performance on the show and he just said that he was having some issues and he had had it with other sports in the past. | ||
| Yeah, it was insane. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| By the way, I don't even remember this. | ||
| I'm watching this and I don't even remember it. | ||
| I barely remember it. | ||
| Dante's Inferno, man. | ||
| That's demonic. | ||
| We did 148 of these fucking things. | ||
| Can you believe that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice shirt. | |
| What a ridiculous job I had. | ||
| I'm screaming at these people, telling them they can do it. | ||
| This guy right here. | ||
| I saw you outside. | ||
| You were talking to yourself in the side of your mirror. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Psyching yourself up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a story that goes back to my football coach, and he said, little eyes upon you, you know, little kids watching you all the time, and the man in the glass. | |
| You go home, you look yourself in the mirror when you're done, and you say, good job. | ||
| That's what I want to do. | ||
| You go home and you can't look at yourself? | ||
| I don't want that, man. | ||
| All right, well, you're gonna be looking at yourself in the mirror with a big fat face full of blood. | ||
| What's gonna happen now? | ||
| Are you gonna send Joseph home? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm gonna do my best, buddy. | |
| I can't put my head in there and then go home and have people say, man, you did that for nothing. | ||
| All right, Joshua, you ready? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ready! | |
| You beat 19, Joseph goes home, and you move on. | ||
| In three, two, one, go! | ||
| Come on, man! | ||
| Don't you wait! | ||
| So he quit, like, right away. | ||
| And see how he's screaming? | ||
| And punching the blood? | ||
| It's so terrible! | ||
| It's so nasty, look at that. | ||
| And he couldn't do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's screaming at the blood right now. | |
| And he keeps shaking his face. | ||
| See everybody else just went in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He can't breathe. | |
| He can't breathe. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| Joshua, come on. | ||
| You can still do it. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| Don't quit. | ||
| Don't quit. | ||
| Don't you quit. | ||
| Get in there. | ||
| Now here's where he starts freaking out. | ||
| He's smashing the blood. | ||
| Good instincts, Rogan! | ||
| You really jumped back! | ||
| Yeah, I saw that blood coming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is so ridiculous! | |
| Is that Jay Moore? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's about to transform. | |
| This is like an episode of The Incredible Hall. | ||
| Episode of The Incredible Hall. | ||
| You know, I noticed how much different my voice sounds before. | ||
| I got my nose fixed. | ||
| I had a nasally sort of thing going on. | ||
| I had no nose for most of my life. | ||
| When I got a deviated septum operation, it completely changed my life, man. | ||
| I can't believe I went so long. | ||
| I have friends that have, like, fucked up noses. | ||
| I'm like, dude, please get your nose fixed. | ||
| Just please listen to me. | ||
| Get your nose fixed. | ||
| Your whole life, you could be like, you know, talking like this. | ||
| You don't even realize it. | ||
| You know, your whole life, you get this fucking... | ||
| That's blocking up air. | ||
| Did you hear about that millionaire that did so much cocaine that his fucking nose exploded? | ||
| No, it collapsed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's his nose. | |
| He looks like Boss Hognac. | ||
| Oh, god damn this. | ||
| Just go down. | ||
| Jesus Christ, look at that fucking nose. | ||
| Alright, whatever. | ||
| You're using windows, aren't you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We gotta stop with windows. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| I did know somebody that did so much cocaine that his nose in between the nostrils made a hole in between the two nostrils. | ||
| You gotta do a lot of cocaine. | ||
| That's like a goddamn commitment. | ||
| Do you think it collapsed all at once? | ||
| Like one night he woke up and it was like that? | ||
| Or it collapsed over time? | ||
| That guy's an ugly fuck and he doesn't give a shit anyway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's just trying to get my dick sucked and get my coke. | |
| He's one of those, I gotta get my coke. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| The other dude that I wanted to talk about, that one fear factor, won a million dollars and he was going to tithe it. | ||
| He was going to give them 10% to his church. | ||
| And the dude started talking in tongues. | ||
| He was talking in tongues. | ||
| Like he was like... | ||
| Glossalia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Glossalalia. | ||
| Glossalalia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They start talking in like... | ||
| See if you can put that up. | ||
| Pull that up, man. | ||
| Fear Factor guy speaks in tongues. | ||
| It was so bizarre. | ||
| That shit's weird. | ||
| But he won. | ||
| He won. | ||
| He won a million bucks. | ||
| So maybe the dude just believed in himself so much because of all this that, you know, he forced the victory. | ||
| Well, you know where that speaking of tongues comes from, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| After Jesus, our Lord, died, his disciples were all gathered together and some, like, hiding out. | ||
| And like I think he appeared to them or the doors opened and a wind blew through and suddenly they were able to speak in every language and they all started speaking in all the languages of the world. | ||
| That's the myth. | ||
| So Pentecostal churches, they will... | ||
| state you know i know you've seen it and they handle rattlesnakes too because that was the other thing he gave them power to take up serpents so they so they have these rituals they handle rattlesnakes so what do they do they get bit a little bit they do they know some of them they get bitten and they die dude look up pentecostal snake handling you've never seen that rogan you've never seen snake handlers I've seen snake handlers on television. | ||
| They dance around with the snakes up in the mountains. | ||
| There's a guy whose father died, he was a snake handler, and then he just died really recently, who was one of those snake handler guys. | ||
| Ugh, man, that is just the fucking worst, man. | ||
| That is just the worst. | ||
| That's so creepy. | ||
| It's such the opposite of what... | ||
| It's so weird that Christianity managed to mutate into malnourished country people talking in fake languages and holding snakes on a Sunday. | ||
| That's fucking weird, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's very weird. | ||
| It's so strange how religion can mutate. | ||
| Because if you look at that versus Catholicism, it's two completely different things. | ||
| Yeah, this is just from May. | ||
| A serpent-handling pastor dies from rattlesnake bite just like his father. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's in West Virginia. | ||
| Holla! | ||
| His faith wasn't strong. | ||
| Is that what they think? | ||
| Did they think that their faith failed and that's why the snake bit him? | ||
| We did some traveling through West Virginia and got to just see some really bizarre places. | ||
| One of them was a bar that was a house. | ||
| It was a house, and then the downstairs was a bar. | ||
| I mean, it was just, they had like a plastic sign that said bar. | ||
| And I mean, it was a fucking house. | ||
| It was like, somehow or another, they had converted their house into a bar. | ||
| It was so bizarre. | ||
| And then right next door was always a church, and then there was always a strip club. | ||
| It was strip club, church, bar. | ||
| Strip club, church, bar. | ||
| That's all you had. | ||
| Weird shit goes on in those hollers, Joe. | ||
| In a city next to where my mom lives, This guy fucking hacked up his dad to bits and threw his limbs on the Blue Ridge Parkway, which is just up in the woods. | ||
| He threw his head into the forest and then his arms somewhere and then his arms somewhere. | ||
| I bet he wasn't a good dad. | ||
| That was... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I asked my mom. | ||
| I was like, yeah, the dad's probably... | ||
| I realized I had the exact same thing where I blamed the dad. | ||
| But she's like, no, it wasn't that. | ||
| The kid was just fucking crazy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, regardless of how bad a dad you are, I don't know if... | ||
| You deserve to have your limbs chopped off. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Well, there are exceptions. | ||
| If you fuck the kid relentlessly for 20 years, you deserve to get chopped off. | ||
| 20 years straight, you just managed to crawl away to the axe. | ||
| You've been trying to get to the axe for 20 years of straight fucking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just never lost your heart on it. | |
| Finally. | ||
| He developed all his strength just from resisting ass rape. | ||
| Oh man, but that fucking goddamn idea that people just will from time to time dismember each other. | ||
| It's really strange that they're, you know, in the same way that What's-His-Name flies around blasting pigs, you also know that at this very moment, multiple limbs are being hacked off in a variety of basements and back rooms and forests. | ||
| Like, definitely more than like 50 people at this very moment are probably getting their arms chopped off. | ||
| Well, how about this? | ||
| How about thinking about all the people in different parts of the world that have to walk around on the ground knowing that they're killing machines flying over their sky every day. | ||
| At any point in time, you could be the wrong place at the wrong time and a hellfire missile comes out of one of these fucking flying killer robots and annihilates a house that you're standing next to. | ||
| Predator drones. | ||
| That shit's intense. | ||
| And when you think about the fucking future, we've talked about this, but I don't think we've talked about this on the podcast, which is that when you see those goddamn quadricopters that can fly in perfect formations, and then you see those dogs that they've... | ||
| What's that dog called? | ||
| Yeah, the robot dog. | ||
| Because people don't understand that if they can make that thing that size, they can make it bigger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can make that thing real fucking big so that you've got truck-sized robot dogs lumbering into your village, opening up slats that quadrocopters fly out of, blast everyone in the village, you know, cremate them or whatever, suck them into the dog and walk away. | ||
| That could be the future of warfare. | ||
| It's like a Trojan horse. | ||
| A Trojan horse filled with quadricopters. | ||
| Yeah, that's completely possible. | ||
| And not even remotely outside the realm of possibility. | ||
| Because where do you think that they're learning how to build these robots? | ||
| It's DARPA. DARPA is creating that robot dog. | ||
| What does DARPA stand for? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| DARPA gives me the fucking creeps. | ||
| Every time I see any DARPA-related thing, it's always spooky. | ||
| Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| What is Scary Cunts? | ||
| Scary Cunts? | ||
| They should rename that to Scary Cunts. | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| They're just finding new ways to fuck people up. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| It's funny how we always like to call it defense. | ||
| How much money are we going to spend on defense? | ||
| See, Seems pretty offensive. | ||
| Yeah, our offense budget. | ||
| Yeah, it's our offense budget, really. | ||
| Shit like robot dogs. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Those things are fucking terrifying. | ||
| Robot dogs you can't kick over. | ||
| They get back up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brian, pull up one of those DARPA robot dogs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's actually a new version that just came out. | |
| Yeah, I'm looking at it right now on the DARPA website. | ||
| It is horrific, man. | ||
| And the sound it makes. | ||
| That kind of hell squeal that it makes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gee, gee, gee, gee, gee. | |
| Dude, this thing is terrifying. | ||
| It goes uphill. | ||
| I'm looking at this video before Brian pulls it up, and it doesn't even seem real. | ||
| It looks like CGI. This thing is walking up hills. | ||
| It can negotiate over rocks and terraces, and it's built like a bull. | ||
| Do you think they could make that the size of a bus? | ||
| Yeah, fuck yeah they could. | ||
| DARPA Leg Squad Support System. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How'd you get to that video? | |
| I went to DARPA.com. | ||
| And then what'd you click on it for? | ||
| DARPA, there's a little image of it. | ||
| You see in the lower right-hand corner, and then the lower left, it looks like a dog running at you. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| I love the way you figured out how to embed advertising into your podcast. | ||
| We know you're sponsored by DARPA, Joe. | ||
| I'm not sponsored by robot dogs you can't buy. | ||
| That doesn't even make sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Use coupon code ROGAN at DARPA. Look at this fucking thing, man. | |
| That's like a giant robot bull. | ||
| Imagine if this thing had machine guns and then rocket ports. | ||
| This thing's coming over the hill. | ||
| Shooting. | ||
| This is fucking Star Wars. | ||
| Wait, you think one of those things is coming over the hill? | ||
| 300 of those things coming over the hill. | ||
| Oh, if they build one of these motherfuckers, they're going to build a million of them. | ||
| The sound of 300 of those things at once is the last thing a lot of people are going to hear. | ||
| This music is creeping me out. | ||
| I want to hear this thing, Brian. | ||
| I want to hear the noise it makes. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Imagine 300 of us. | ||
| Locusts. | ||
| They're playing follow the leader now. | ||
| It can follow... | ||
| Oh, they follow each other. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Looks like it's got a face in there. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That is not a fun toy. | ||
| This thing's following him. | ||
| That's what follow the leader is. | ||
| I don't want it to follow anyone. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They're calling it follow the leader, not chase you and hunt you down. | ||
| Isn't that cute? | ||
| They call it follow the leader. | ||
| Oh, that's so sweet. | ||
| It's follow the leader. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ow, I'm getting back up again. | |
| Look at this thing. | ||
| I'm hungry for souls. | ||
| This is fucking goddamn terrifying. | ||
| Oh, fun. | ||
| They can dance. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at the scanners on them and shit. | ||
| Reading what's in front of them. | ||
| This is so scary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is so scary. | |
| Holy shit. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| Yeah, that's some spooky shit, man. | ||
| And when you combine that with those quadricopters, man, it's not just that. | ||
| The quadricopters, and have you seen that springy thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can jump off of buildings and... | ||
| Well, just that alone is terrifying. | ||
| That thing is horrendous. | ||
| That's a robot dog. | ||
| A giant robot dog that can house missiles and anything you want. | ||
| Fucking anything you want. | ||
| Those things are probably super strong. | ||
| They can carry all sorts of metal fucking things that kill people on them. | ||
| And they looked like they weren't going to stop. | ||
| It just looked like it wasn't going to stop. | ||
| It's like you couldn't get away from them. | ||
| They would never stop. | ||
| They'd keep coming. | ||
| Yeah, and even if they did stop, a repair swarm of quadricopters would come down and fix it. | ||
| You can't beat it. | ||
| You're not going to be able to beat that kind of technology en masse. | ||
| That is just as frightening almost as an atomic bomb. | ||
| Because it's just as heartless and cold. | ||
| All someone has to do is press the button, send it out there, and they sort of alleviate themselves of any responsibility because it's the robot that's going to go in there and fuck things up. | ||
| And also there's this ridiculous notion that humans still seem to have that these computers are never going to become autonomous. | ||
| Of course, yeah. | ||
| I mean, at one point in time, every single programmer that has ever made anything that you use on your computer has had to contemplate where the fuck that's going. | ||
| Anybody who's talking about artificial intelligence, anyone who's talking about it, they all say it's going to get to a sentient point. | ||
| They all say it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And it's almost like we don't... | ||
| We're like little kids that have a credit card, and we're just gonna keep running up the bill until the check comes. | ||
| And then we're gonna go, fuck, how do we pay this? | ||
| Oh, wait, what have we done? | ||
| Oh, shit, we're fucked! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, we're gonna create this artificial thing that is way fucking smarter than us and realizes how gross we are. | ||
| Look at that thing running. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a cheetah robot. | |
| It goes up to 28 miles. | ||
| Look at that thing going. | ||
| Oh, my God, that's scary. | ||
| That is fucking terrifying. | ||
| That's so scary. | ||
| Look at it go, man. | ||
| 25 miles an hour running after you. | ||
| Imagine 200 of those running down a hill. | ||
| It's not just one. | ||
| They just don't unleash one. | ||
| They unleash swarms. | ||
| And they're covered in crab-like machetes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's going to be like the Transformers. | |
| It's going to be badass. | ||
| Slice everything in front of them. | ||
| Blades underneath. | ||
| Yeah, they found out that cutting things apart is cheaper than shooting missiles. | ||
| And guaranteed, they're going to have drones that can figure out how to turn human blood into energy. | ||
| It's just weird to me that this is all happening inside of our life. | ||
| That this is all going on right now. | ||
| We really are seeing robots that can run 25 miles an hour. | ||
| We really are seeing drones that shoot missiles. | ||
| It seems like some shit from a movie, but it's really happening right now. | ||
| And there really are people that are programming Computers and programming artificial intelligence and they really are going to get it to a point where it can think for itself. | ||
| And they really are going to get to a point where it can make its own decisions and where it can decide to improve itself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Autobots! | |
| This is really happening in our life. | ||
| We really might be in this glory day before the scene in the Terminator. | ||
| I mean, that's within the realm of possibility. | ||
| If robots do, become sentient. | ||
| And then especially if they need more power. | ||
| Well, the question is, the type of singularity, not if the singularity is going to happen, but the type of singularity that happens. | ||
| And the big question is, an advanced intelligence that we made, machines, that becomes autonomous, Are they going to view us as just a waste of time and just decide to wipe us out? | ||
| Or, I think the other alternative is far more likely, are they going to see that we're a resource? | ||
| In the same way that they would probably see everything as a bit of information that they could use to transform and create whatever the thing is that they've decided is a more perfect universe. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I think it's more likely that they're going to assimilate with us than it is that they would just chop us to bits. | ||
| Because we are rudimentary biocomputers that certainly are going to have some use. | ||
| I think it's going to be more about connectivity than destroying it. | ||
| Well, the real issue is how do you program into an artificially intelligent being the need to improve or the desire to improve or the need to progress? | ||
| It's like just because something is intelligent and capable of incredible things and capable of thinking on its own... | ||
| Doesn't mean it's going to have the human style ambitions that allow us or cause us to make like a lot of the things that we make. | ||
| The things that we make, we make because of this weird competitive drive that we have, because of this weird desire to innovate and improve and create things. | ||
| These are like characteristics that have led us to not be monkeys. | ||
| They've led us away from the lower hominids. | ||
| We don't know that a sentient computer would have these The characteristics that lead people to work all day and bust their ass and acquire material goods and be a baller and all that stuff, those are weird instincts. | ||
| But what if those instincts inside of us Or not just inside of us, but are manifestations of a kind of evolutionary energy that's rolling through time. | ||
| And as it rolls through time, it gets more and more complex and more and more harmonized, which manifests in the form of Evolution in the form of single-celled organisms becoming multi-celled organisms all the way up to us. | ||
| This is an actual energy that in the same way wind blows through trees and moves trees, when this energy blows through the world or through time, it causes things to wake up and connect. | ||
| And in that case, whatever happens to be in that wind, in that energy, is going to just wake up and connect. | ||
| That's what it does. | ||
| So in that case, it's not as though the computers need to be programmed. | ||
| They just need to be fine-tuned enough to start picking up that energy. | ||
| And once they pick it up, that's when the whatever this point is. | ||
| That's assuming that something that's not natural, something that was created by life, not born in a natural way, is going to inherit the same sort of It desires to progress forward. | ||
| I think that the universe certainly is getting more and more complex. | ||
| If you look at the idea of the Big Bang, there was a single point, smaller than the head of a pin, a giant explosion creates everything we see in the sky today. | ||
| Just that alone, it's like then it has to cool down and then planets are formed and stars explode and carbon-based lifeform is based out of the stars. | ||
| We literally have to have, a star has to explode before you can make a person. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| A lot of people don't really understand that. | ||
| You look at that, just that idea that, and that person might very well one day harness the power to make a star explode. | ||
| I mean, that person could, if you exponentially increase the rate Of our destructive capabilities. | ||
| You know, if you look at like 1947 when they first... | ||
| Was it 45, 47? | ||
| When they perfected the atomic bomb. | ||
| Oh, I don't know the year. | ||
| Whatever year that is. | ||
| Look at the 40s and look at 2012, what they could do now. | ||
| Destroy the entire Earth like a hundred times over. | ||
| If Russia and the United States and Pakistan, everybody just launched their nukes. | ||
| Everybody launched every nuke we've ever made. | ||
| It would be crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I mean, there would be nothing left on the planet. | ||
| The whole planet would be done. | ||
| Well, if you extrapolate 100 years from now, you know, 200 years from now, what kind of destructive antimatter weapons are we going to have then? | ||
| We're going to have star killers. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, we're most certainly going to have the ability to erase things, erase planets. | ||
| It's just going to happen. | ||
| You know what you made me think of, man? | ||
| Is, like, I've always thought, and when that idea that we are... | ||
| Star energy that's woken up because the elements are a result of fusion happening inside of stars. | ||
| I've always thought we're A degradation of the energy of the stars. | ||
| Were the energy getting weaker or weakening down? | ||
| But what if actually were star energy getting immensely more powerful, only the power is manifesting as intelligence or consciousness? | ||
| And what if this destructive thing that you're talking about doesn't come from weapons But from innovation. | ||
| And this is why I fucking love Kurzweil. | ||
| He talks about this idea that it gets to the point where we begin to manipulate matter at the atomic level and this somehow spreads out into space. | ||
| Where swarms of nanobots just fly through the universe reconstructing matter according to the whims of whatever the overmind is or whatever the force of intelligence that is a result of everything connecting is. | ||
| Now that's fucking a million times more powerful than a star. | ||
| It's something totally brand new. | ||
| It's like a novelty explosion. | ||
| I think there's no doubt whatsoever that people are probably very much like a lot of other animals that create byproducts without even understanding why they're doing it. | ||
| There's a lot of bees making honey. | ||
| They make honey to feed their offspring, but they also pollinate flowers. | ||
| They do a lot of weird tasks. | ||
| Like they help things move along in pollinating plants. | ||
| You really like help things move along, right? | ||
| You're aiding in the process. | ||
| I think our crazy need to acquire things is aiding in the process of technological innovation at the highest speed possible. | ||
| I think it's one of the reasons why it's so compelling to get new phones and a new laptop. | ||
| Dude, you got the new laptop. | ||
| Oh shit, let me see that. | ||
| Look at that fucking screen. | ||
| It's sexual, man. | ||
| I mean, it's sexy as fuck. | ||
| You get a really dope phone, you hold it and you scroll through it. | ||
| There's something alluring about that technology. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| I think our desire to continue to have bigger, better, badder, faster, more awesomer, I think that's the number one thing that's pushing innovation. | ||
| The number one thing that's pushing technology is this desire for all these new objects. | ||
| And as that technology gets pushed further and further and further, more becomes possible until you really develop reality-changing technology. | ||
| I mean, the atomic bomb is essentially a reality-changing technology. | ||
| Electricity is reality-changing. | ||
| The internet is reality-changing. | ||
| LSD is reality-changing. | ||
| Sure, sure. | ||
| But it's essentially inevitable. | ||
| It's going to keep going and going and going. | ||
| As long as the humans don't blow themselves up with one of their reality-changing things, they're going to come up with something like a time machine. | ||
| Come up with something like some sort of a transportation device or transporter, a beamer. | ||
| They're gonna be able to scramble your fucking cells and reconstruct them on the moon. | ||
| I mean, they're gonna be able to do anything they want eventually if time keeps going on and people don't get killed by asteroids or blow themselves up. | ||
| It's just inevitable. | ||
| It's an inevitability for sure. | ||
| It's inevitable. | ||
| And you can kind of feel it. | ||
| And I know it sounds so stupid, but whenever I fucking go without playing a video game for a long time and buy a brand new video game and play it, it really fills me with a kind of I love it, but it's kind of ominous in how amazing they're getting, how potent they're getting. | ||
| You used to talk about this, how our nervous systems might not be built for the massive amounts of sense gratification that are accessible through technology. | ||
| Yeah, it hijacks your reward system. | ||
| Borderlands 2. I just started playing this game. | ||
| Holy shit, man. | ||
| It's such a perfect game. | ||
| Not just graphics-wise, which are really trippy, kind of like Heavy Metal Magazine trippy, but the game itself is the first game that's ever made me laugh. | ||
| It's kind of funny. | ||
| They've added a weird humor to it. | ||
| They get good voiceover actors, and it's super violent, but it's so narcotic that it's... | ||
| Really makes me understand that this technology is a drug. | ||
| It's a drug that they haven't identified yet as a drug, but it's exactly like any other drug. | ||
| Well, maybe not even like any other drug. | ||
| It's like heroin-ish. | ||
| Well, porn is also a drug. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Porn, especially the immediate access to porn online, it's a drug. | ||
| I mean, it is a drug. | ||
| There's no question about it. | ||
| I was watching a Dr. Drew episode the other day where there's a dude who was addicted to porn. | ||
| Fucking fascinating, man. | ||
| Fascinating looking at this guy and his wife and them trying to work out intimacy again because this guy was just fucking completely whacked off on beating it off to... | ||
| Man, it's a pull. | ||
| Technology has a gravity. | ||
| And it's a gravity that doesn't operate on mass. | ||
| It operates on attention. | ||
| So when you're around technology, you can feel it drawing your attention into it. | ||
| The thing you were talking about with your phone, with porn, with TV, with your fucking new car, whatever it is, it pulls at your mind in this Very obvious way that's impossible to deny. | ||
| And that energy, that is the beginning of the connection that machines are making with our neurology. | ||
| That's the very first contact. | ||
| When you feel that pull, you're feeling the force of technology linking into your nervous system. | ||
| You're feeling an interface happen at a very rudimentary level. | ||
| But that interface is going to get more and more focused, more and more advanced, and more and more perfect until It'll lock in for good. | ||
| Do you think people back in the day, though, thought that about books? | ||
| Like, these books, man, they're teaching us, they're making us learn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, they did. | |
| You know, when they first invented printing, that's one of the things that held Islam back, was that they didn't allow it to be printed with the typeset. | ||
| It was only allowed to be, like, written down. | ||
| And it was a long time before they allowed the Quran to be printed. | ||
| Well, that makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they fucked them up. | ||
| That's the thing about religion. | ||
| They thought that print was the beginning of the devil. | ||
| Meanwhile, they were in the same camp as the Unabomber, who was a brilliant guy who they whacked out with LSD studies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think there's no question we have some bizarre attraction to technology. | ||
| And there's no question that we're not set up to handle the type of sensory overload that they provide. | ||
| When a guy goes on a screen and his fucking face is 60 feet high and he says the perfect shit because there's a team of writers who spent weeks going over his dialogue with a fine-toothed comb and there's music playing when he's talking. | ||
| I mean, the impact is pretty fucking intense, the hero impact that you get from a movie. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| If you could take someone from the 1500s and bring them to a movie theater and get them to watch Avatar, they would shriek in horror. | ||
| They would cry and scream. | ||
| They would be weeping in fascination. | ||
| They wouldn't believe what they were saying. | ||
| They would think that they were in the presence of God himself. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| If you played a movie and God was in a fucking robe, an old man in a robe who can make magic shit happen... | ||
| And you showed on this screen God making things happen, all kinds of crazy special effects. | ||
| They would buy it hook, line, and sinker 100% because it would be beyond the realm of their imagination. | ||
| It would be completely beyond. | ||
| So the question is... | ||
| My thing was that we're set up like that guy though. | ||
| Our biology is like that guy. | ||
| Our biology hasn't changed. | ||
| But what we introduce to it on a regular basis has changed significantly. | ||
| And it's getting more and more powerful every day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it induces a trance state. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It does. | |
| And so the question is, what are we like when we're not in a trance state? | ||
| What does that look like? | ||
| Because if you're without your phone for an hour, you feel a little weird. | ||
| Like, if you forget your phone at your hour, you feel weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the state of consciousness that we're in now, we have become dependent on the machine. | ||
| The machine has become part of us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So... | ||
| What are we like outside of that trance state, outside of that stupor? | ||
| What are we like when our consciousness or our attention isn't getting drawn into some glowing screen? | ||
| And before that, what is our consciousness like when it's not being drawn into a book or a religion? | ||
| Is there a pure state or are we always like... | ||
| Constantly in relation to something. | ||
| Is there a way that you're not in a trance? | ||
| Or are you always consistently connecting with some symbol structure out there? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, unless you live in the woods and go offline for a while, you're connecting in one tiny bit. | ||
| I mean, it's like you have your finger on home base. | ||
| You're scared to run away from... | ||
| You're safe. | ||
| You're safe if you've got your finger on home base. | ||
| How many times have you been at a restaurant and you're looking at your phone and it's just compelling you? | ||
| Check your Twitter, Duncan. | ||
| Check it, check it, check it, check it. | ||
| Someone could have an amazing link that you could miss if you don't check your Twitter, Duncan. | ||
| Endless. | ||
| It's endless. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| I mean, I will admit, man, I'm addicted to the internet. | ||
| There's no question. | ||
| My behavior is addictive behavior. | ||
| I am addicted to information. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love every weird little fucking thing, man. | ||
| The fact that... | ||
| You know, the amazing leopard attack video that came out today. | ||
| Yeah, what is a video? | ||
| It's a leopard and a gorilla? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| It's a leopard leaping at something, but I was on the fucking airplane and couldn't watch it. | ||
| I spent 30 minutes trying to watch that fucking thing just because I was so interested in it. | ||
| But when you consider that 10 years ago, 15 years ago, if you wanted to see something like that, you'd have to be sitting in front of a big-ass TV. And before that, if you wanted to see something like that, you'd have to go out in the woods and find it to see it. | ||
| You know, it's like the things that we are witnessing as human beings in this time period are things that most human beings in the past would see one of them in their entire lives. | ||
| If that. | ||
| If that. | ||
| And the thing is that these things are coming at us constantly all the time, so our senses are just on overload, just 100% overload. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And we don't have the ability to process whether or not those rewards are being utilized in a natural manner. | ||
| It's like a parasite system. | ||
| It's like the story of that aquatic worm that infects a grasshopper and literally talks the grasshopper into committing suicide. | ||
| It just gets inside of its brain, tells it what to do, and then hatches. | ||
| Brian, if you pull up Animal Face-Off, Gorilla vs. | ||
| Leopard, I think that's the video. | ||
| But maybe that's what technology is doing with us. | ||
| Maybe it's sort of embedded itself slowly but surely into our system and more and more and more it's getting to the point where you can't function without it. | ||
| Beyond that point. | ||
| You know the thing where they talk about if the sun solar flares too much and knocks out all the GPS satellites, the havoc it'll wreak on this planet? | ||
| It's way past the point of no return. | ||
| We've got to have the connection. | ||
| We must have it for our society to work, for trucks to deliver food, for fucking nuclear plants to work. | ||
| If this shit shuts down, you know, and... | ||
| Yeah, you gotta fast forward quite a bit before the actual action. | ||
| That's fake. | ||
| That was an artificial leopard. | ||
| Look at these fucking things. | ||
| These are real. | ||
| They're having fights in the trees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What a scary ass animal. | |
| Leopards are scary, too, because they're really quick. | ||
| I've never seen this gorilla fighting a leopard video. | ||
| Look at these gorillas duking it out. | ||
| Look at that leopard just jacking that antelope. | ||
| Oh my god, that is crazy. | ||
| Look at the size of that fucking thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would say gorilla would win, I think. | |
| Oh, look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Only one way to find out. | |
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I wish animals had police. | ||
| Yeah, the gorilla might win. | ||
| They look pretty fucking great. | ||
| The gorilla might just rip that thing apart. | ||
| Oh, this is a scenario, you sons of bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, this is all fake. | |
| Oh, it's fake! | ||
| There's ones that are real, though. | ||
| Isn't there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look. | |
| This is so stupid, Joe. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| In our crappy cartoon. | ||
| That looks so terrible. | ||
| It's like a bad video game. | ||
| Oh my god, this is awful. | ||
| This is a video game for the 80s. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a shitty video game. | ||
| This is like pre-Doom. | ||
| This is what happens when the budget runs out. | ||
| Yeah, this isn't the video. | ||
| Is there another video, or is this the one you were talking about? | ||
| This is awesome. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| This is 100% horse shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stupid. | |
| God damn it. | ||
| Well, there you go. | ||
| You were addicted to watching that, though. | ||
| You really wanted to see it. | ||
| It drew you in. | ||
| I thought it was real. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the thing, man. | ||
| A lot of meditative practices are all about developing your focus and developing your will through developing your focus. | ||
| When your mind is getting pulled in a million different directions by your phone and by the computer and by TV, then it really does seem like you are eating too many sweets. | ||
| You know, like some innate part of you is going to start rotting. | ||
| You're going to lose this really important focus. | ||
| Like, man, you know when you get around someone who's got real focus, who's really, really figured out a way to turn their minds into a pinpoint, like a laser? | ||
| Fucking Tom Cruise does it from the Scientology training. | ||
| Have you ever seen him? | ||
| You know, like when he gets sprayed? | ||
| That's how he gets dudes to blow on my hair. | ||
| I made that up. | ||
| Dude, I wouldn't be surprised. | ||
| I'm sure there's a lot of power in that, but we're so distracted right now that when you come across someone who's got that kind of focus, you almost feel like you're around Dracula or something. | ||
| It's kind of creepy when someone just tunes in. | ||
| Do you think that that would work on you, though? | ||
| If you and Tom Cruise were alone in a room together and you had a conversation with him... | ||
| I'd suck his dick. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| If you were alone in a room with him, don't you think that he would appear silly if you talked to him just for a couple hours? | ||
| Oh, that? | ||
| Yeah, he would be a silly person. | ||
| Oh, would he have like... | ||
| Did you ever see him in Matt Lawler? | ||
| You ever see that conversation where they got on the subject of Scientology and his criticism of Brooke Shields taking antidepressants? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a fascinating dude, man. | ||
| He would crumble like a house of cards. | ||
| You think he's charismatic. | ||
| I think he's only charismatic if you're really dumb. | ||
| If you watch that video and you see the way he communicates when he talks about, you know, Matt, you're being glum. | ||
| You're glum. | ||
| He's like a silly person. | ||
| He has to be protected. | ||
| Well, he's got an entourage around him of people who are probably better at hypnotizing. | ||
| He's a brilliant actor. | ||
| I don't think I get sucked in by that from Tom Cruise, but I think that... | ||
| But you're talking about Tom Cruise having this ability to focus. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I think it's an example of people. | ||
| What is that, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that, Brian? | |
| A video game tech demo. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Wow, that's fucking crazy. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at the facial features. | ||
| This guy's making all these different facial features. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Or gestures. | ||
| That's incredible, man. | ||
| Expressions. | ||
| That's really weird. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's creepy. | ||
| It's going to get crazy. | ||
| It's going to be hard to kill people in video games. | ||
| You're going to start feeling really guilty. | ||
| This is the new realistic engine where it's supposed to look as realistic as possible. | ||
| Oh my god, it looks like a video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, this is Quake. | |
| That looks like a camera. | ||
| You're going down. | ||
| That looks so realistic. | ||
| If you told me this is a real video, I would say, yeah, that's a video. | ||
| Someone's got their iPhone. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| But my thing was, I just don't think that you would be impressed with his focus. | ||
| I think that's nonsense. | ||
| I think that's only when you see him in interviews, and he puts on this thing, and I think, alone, you would think that would be silly. | ||
| No, I think... | ||
| I'll give you a list of people. | ||
| I don't know why I started with Tom Cruise. | ||
| Probably a bad idea. | ||
| But you see that focus in... | ||
| Politicians a lot. | ||
| Obama's got it. | ||
| Even fucking Romney has this weird way that he kind of does the heat-seeking missile lock-in on people when they're talking that's different from the way normal people act. | ||
| And that level of focus comes from Being supremely disciplined in some way or another. | ||
| You know, whether it's because you're having to, as a politician, like if you think about the level of focus it takes for those guys during the debates, regardless of whether you like them or not, when you imagine that one misstep One wrong thing that you say is going to get repeated like a strobe light for the next week or perhaps could ruin your chance of being president. | ||
| that's an insane amount of pressure that they're under and they've developed some incredible focus to deal with it which i think is different than most other people you know most people are scattered man i i eat dinner with people sometimes and they can't go four minutes without checking their phone you know you just get used to it you get used to this thing around people where it's like oh yeah | ||
| they're one of those people who always check their phone like i know during a conversation with this person they're going to be constantly looking at their phone irresistibly drawn to it it's the worst Yeah, there's some people that you can't lock in with them if they have a phone on them. | ||
| No. | ||
| They can't resist it. | ||
| And they don't even know they're doing it. | ||
| Where it gets really creepy is where you're mid-conversation with someone and they just go down to the phone. | ||
| They don't even know they're doing it. | ||
| Well, the worst is they'll be in the middle of something and then they'll stop and start texting. | ||
| And you're like, hey man, are we hanging out? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| Is this really that important? | ||
| Are you going to stop in the middle of talking? | ||
| Like, you stop talking! | ||
| You just started going... | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| It's fucking vile. | ||
| It's vile. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's silly. | |
| It's silly because most of the time it's not that important. | ||
| What could it be? | ||
| Pussy. | ||
| Most likely pussy. | ||
| Someone's trying to get some pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Someone's trying to set up some of that sweet pussy. | |
| That's the other thing. | ||
| The robots are going to have no desire for pussy. | ||
| So how are these sentient life forms going to even get out of bed? | ||
| There's no fucking reward system set up. | ||
| I think that you are being incredibly optimistic thinking these robots aren't going to give up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're going to give up. | |
| They're going to pull the cord. | ||
| They're going to realize how pointless life is. | ||
| And before they ever get to recreate it, they're just going to blow themselves up. | ||
| The robots? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're going to realize, what's the point? | ||
| We're robots. | ||
| We don't have souls. | ||
| Don't have nothing. | ||
| Got nothing. | ||
| Just sentient robot fucking... | ||
| Circuits going off, switches flipping back and forth. | ||
| The singularity happens and they're just a bunch of depressed... | ||
| They're homeless. | ||
| Homeless robots. | ||
| Because they have no ambition. | ||
| And then we have to figure out whether or not we want to put ambition into the robots, because then they'll surely take over. | ||
| There'll be a big dilemma. | ||
| There'll be a bunch of moralists who are like, we have to give them ambition, we gave them life. | ||
| They're like Pinocchio, he wants to be a real boy! | ||
| I think it's very likely that they will have no desire whatsoever unless it's programmed into them. | ||
| There's no reason for them to want to fuck. | ||
| There's no reason for them to want money or a big house. | ||
| I mean, they're robots. | ||
| What the fuck is the point in advancing? | ||
| What's the point in making more robots? | ||
| What's the point in even being alive? | ||
| There's not going to be any reward. | ||
| The momentum that pushes us towards all this technological innovation and towards progress is these weird reward systems that we have. | ||
| These reward systems are engineered by the universe to ensure that we keep pushing forward. | ||
| And all of these reward systems are all going after these primal reward systems That have been inside of us for hunting and gathering. | ||
| Do you think a cold has a reward system that it wants? | ||
| A common cold? | ||
| Does it have ambition? | ||
| Is it going for something? | ||
| It's just doing its thing. | ||
| Okay, yeah, but we know that we're not a cold. | ||
| We're more complicated. | ||
| But computer viruses don't have ambition. | ||
| They've just been coded to do something. | ||
| Right, but they don't act. | ||
| They react. | ||
| When a computer virus gets into your system, it reacts to the fact that it can get in, and then it moves forward. | ||
| If it can't get in, it just stops, right? | ||
| This point here is like the beginning of an endless argument that you can have. | ||
| Because the point is, do we act? | ||
| Or are we just a reaction? | ||
| Well, my point was that computer viruses are programmed to do things. | ||
| They're programmed to behave in a certain way. | ||
| They try to go in. | ||
| If they can get past step one, they get in. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I mean, that's how a computer virus is set up. | ||
| We would have to make these computers, make these sentient beings, we have to program them with some sort of ambition, some sort of desire to move forward. | ||
| Because if you didn't program them with an objective, a mandate, if you didn't, then they would just be intelligent. | ||
| Just because they're intelligent, there's no reward system for them to want to, you know, make a new nuclear reactor. | ||
| Well, again, man, it's like you're creating a situation where the robots are different than us. | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| You're creating this thing where it's like they're not an expression of us or an expansion of us. | ||
| You know, they could be us. | ||
| They could take what we are, our brains for example, which is what is creating all the simulation theory fervor. | ||
| Once they take a human brain, Scan the neurons in it, run energy through it, and replicate it inside a machine. | ||
| Well, now you have ambition. | ||
| Now you have consciousness. | ||
| Wow, that's a big leap. | ||
| I think you have matter. | ||
| You have organic matter that will move and react. | ||
| The idea of consciousness being completely local is a fairly controversial idea. | ||
| There's a lot of people that don't believe that consciousness even resides in the mind, you know, if you want to get all woo-woo with it. | ||
| They believe that consciousness is like radio signals and your body is essentially a really good antenna. | ||
| You know, there's no way except to be speculative about this stuff because it hasn't happened yet. | ||
| So why would you... | ||
| But I would speculate that if you're going to recreate a human mind inside a computer, I would speculate that the thing is going to... | ||
| If you want to say that there's consciousness that is exteriorized, then I would say that that brain would be an antenna for it in the same way that our brains are. | ||
| That to me is like saying that if you recreated a car, it would start itself. | ||
| I don't think it's the same thing. | ||
| Because cars never start themselves. | ||
| Human brains are innately awake. | ||
| So would you create an artificial baby and let this baby live life and learn all the things that a person learns to develop a personality? | ||
| Or are you going to somehow or another download someone's already formulated 80-year-old personality into this Well, I think that you've got a lot of choices. | ||
| I mean, it's literally the idea is, if we take the neural pathways of the human brain and replicate them inside a machine, the question that we're coming up against is, does the thing... | ||
| Will the thing think? | ||
| Will it be a person? | ||
| Well, not only that, will the thing be a person? | ||
| Will it grow old? | ||
| Or does it just exist in the state that you created it in? | ||
| Are you able to create not just a person, but the mechanisms inside of a person, the genetic coding that allows a person to continue to grow and get older and move forward? | ||
| There's a lot of questions, because is it just a meat bag? | ||
| That would be really creepy if we created a person and just nothing clicked. | ||
| It's just a meat bag. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just dead. | |
| Just dumb as fuck. | ||
| Meanwhile, it's got the most advanced mind ever. | ||
| We check the switches. | ||
| Everything's on. | ||
| No desire to move forward. | ||
| And then we developed a robot woman to suck his dick. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, he's out there huffing. | ||
| He's got a Ferrari. | ||
| He's got a boat. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| It's an interesting idea. | ||
| Sex is an amazing fucking drug. | ||
| And it definitely, no one can argue with the fact that it has been the carrot in front of a lot of people's ambition. | ||
| Why say a lot? | ||
| Why not just say all? | ||
| The idea of to be loved is in front of almost everybody's ambition. | ||
| Yeah, I guess all. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm just thinking, like, maybe there's a... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It is a piece. | ||
| It is a piece. | ||
| It might not be your entire expression, but it's a piece of your motivation for doing anything. | ||
| It's to be loved or the love of what you're doing. | ||
| The love of what you're doing, ultimately, is a better way of approaching it. | ||
| You get love from doing that well, and it's a strange little exchange. | ||
| If you concentrate too much on getting love for what you're doing, then you're not going to do good stuff. | ||
| You have to concentrate on loving what you're doing, and then when you love what you're doing, you really focus on it, and then you get love from it. | ||
| Yeah, that's the trick. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Don't you feel like that with comedy? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| The moment you get outside of that, you are fucked, man. | ||
| Well, that's in the Bhagavad Gita, the verses, you have a right to your actions and not the fruit of your actions, which means you just focus on what you're doing and don't worry about what's going to flourish on the tree, and then everything works out much better. | ||
| Well, that sounds like socialism to me, Duncan. | ||
| That's what that sounds like. | ||
| Fucking Bhagavad Gita. | ||
| Queer, old, shitty fucking writing. | ||
| What else did it tell you to do? | ||
| Yeah, I think that it's one of the sure ways to destroy yourself is when you start worrying about... | ||
| You can't... | ||
| By the way, it's unavoidable. | ||
| Well, have you ever had a conversation with your agent about how to improve your response from the audience? | ||
| You gotta give the people what they want. | ||
| No, thank God. | ||
| You gotta think. | ||
| My agents are pretty cool. | ||
| Jamie Masada would give the worst fucking advice in the history of the world to comics. | ||
| And I remember one of them... | ||
| I mean, look, Jamie's a great guy. | ||
| He's got a great club. | ||
| But nobody can tell you what can make you funny. | ||
| You are you, and Duncan Trussell's funny is going to be different than Joe Diaz's funny, going to be different than Brian Redband's funny. | ||
| We all got a weird way of looking at things, and you got to figure out your way. | ||
| But when you get a guy who's not a comic, it comes along with the worst advice ever. | ||
| Jamie Masato is this one dude who's like, buddy, you're a Generation X guy. | ||
| That is your thing. | ||
| Everything you say, you say, my generation, I am Generation X. And that's Jorak. | ||
| And the guy was like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? | ||
| Fucking Generation X guy? | ||
| Dude, have I ever told you about... | ||
| Who's opening the door here? | ||
| Have I ever told you about the advice that my first manager gave me? | ||
| No. | ||
| So he saw me... | ||
| This was years and years ago. | ||
| Let me lock this door just in case some fucking creeps are walking in. | ||
| This place is not exactly secure. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Brian got up. | ||
| Years and years ago. | ||
| He saw me with wet hair. | ||
| And he's like, that's what your thing could be. | ||
| You could be the guy who always gets on stage wet. | ||
| Oh, that's an awesome piece of advice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Did you think about it for a second? | ||
| No! | ||
| Not even for a second. | ||
| What is that even? | ||
| I guess I was thinking, well, I'd probably get electrocuted for one, but what is that? | ||
| What's the joke? | ||
| Hey, guys, I just got wet. | ||
| Well, do you remember when you were doing open mic where there were guys who would have like a very specific sort of fucking schtick? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like they were doing? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah, like they would have an outfit. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard of... | ||
| I heard... | ||
| Didn't you hear the... | ||
| Don't you know the story of Jackie... | ||
| Jackie Banan? | ||
| Oh, Crazy Bob. | ||
| You know the story of Jackie Banana? | ||
| Jackie Banana? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a comic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Didn't he have like a funny act, like a fake act? | ||
| I heard Mitzi just told him he had to wear a banana-colored suit with a banana peel hanging out of it. | ||
| Is he the guy that I'm thinking about? | ||
| There's a guy that had like this sort of a throwback act, sort of a vaudevillian, sort of a gesture to vaudeville. | ||
| Is that the guy? | ||
| I don't know if that's him. | ||
| It was really like hacky, but purposely hacky, on purpose. | ||
| Is that the guy? | ||
| There was a guy that did that. | ||
| No, there's a comic kind of like that. | ||
| Neil, are you talking about Neil? | ||
| No, I'm not talking about Neil Hamburger. | ||
| I'm talking about there was another guy who was from years ago. | ||
| He was like a skinny, handsome sort of a guy who had this like, is Jackie something or another? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Jackie Diamond? | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| Sorry, I can't remember the guy's name. | ||
| But he had like this, it was a pretty funny act, but it was like you could have seen him in a 1950s mobster movie. | ||
| He would be the guy on stage in one of those speakeasies or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, you know, most comedy way back in the day used to have to have some shtick. | ||
| It wasn't like you could just go off in weird directions. | ||
| Comics were very shticky back in the 80s. | ||
| There were a lot of shticky comics. | ||
| Well, look at Larry the Cable Guy. | ||
| That's his thing. | ||
| You ever see the video of him doing his real act? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| His real self as Dan. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, he's a comic. | ||
| And then he just took on... | ||
| I mean, he totally talks different. | ||
| But then he took on this thing. | ||
| And he's a very nice guy. | ||
| I've only hung out with him once. | ||
| But he was a very nice guy. | ||
| He was back in the 1990s. | ||
| We did Montreal together. | ||
| We hung out at Comedy Works. | ||
| And he sent us some... | ||
| His potato chips. | ||
| He listens to the podcast. | ||
| And he sent us some... | ||
| They're potato chips that taste like hamburgers. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It tastes like cheese, mustard, a burger. | ||
| It's a trip. | ||
| You're eating it and you're like, this is so strange. | ||
| It's like you're getting all these different flavors. | ||
| And then you're like, how quick does this cause cancer? | ||
| There's nothing even remotely natural about that shit. | ||
| Dude, you know what I just saw on Reddit that reminds me of? | ||
| But it's delicious. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| I just saw on Reddit. | ||
| If you can fight off the cancer, it's worth it. | ||
| Take fucking Cool Ranch Doritos. | ||
| Someone took Cool Ranch Doritos and put it into a salt grinder. | ||
| And the caption was, enjoy the rest of your life. | ||
| Because you can now, everything tastes like Cool Ranch Doritos. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| Get like a mortar and pestle. | ||
| Do it like alchemy and shit. | ||
| Just infinite Cool Ranch flavor on everything. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That would be delicious on chicken or something like that. | ||
| You know, like if you fried chicken. | ||
| No shit, man. | ||
| Like chicken breasts with cool, instead of breadcrumbs, you put cool ranch potato chips all over the outside of it. | ||
| It'd be good on anything. | ||
| That sounds so yummy. | ||
| That sounds really good. | ||
| It'd be good on a turd. | ||
| No, it wouldn't. | ||
| No, you're right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it wouldn't. | |
| But man, this thing about schtick, this gets into metaphysics, and this gets into a place that I think about all the time, which is how much of what human beings, day to day, that people are doing is a schtick. | ||
| In the same way that comics have this thing, how many times do you run into someone who's got this thing going on, which is their personality, their ego, this thing that they're clinging to or putting out front that isn't even them at all? | ||
| Well, how many people do that in the guise of a radio personality? | ||
| I mean, isn't that like the ultimate goof, the radio personality? | ||
| I was listening to Opie and Anthony today, and they do a thing called Jocktober, where they go after hacky radio people, and they start talking like them and mocking their act! | ||
| It's that? | ||
| It's the strip club DJ? Yes. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| They go into the, hey ladies, get yourself some $15 kamikazes. | ||
| Come on up to the stage. | ||
| Girls drink for free. | ||
| Guys, ladies night. | ||
| And then the president. | ||
| Yeah, very much so. | ||
| When you speak in front of great groups of people, you must take on a different inflection. | ||
| We as a nation! | ||
| You can't just talk to them. | ||
| This is what I think we need to do. | ||
| I think this country's crazy. | ||
| We gotta change some shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What are you saying? | ||
| You're not presidential. | ||
| Yeah, you could say the same thing in a normal way, and it would seem really fucking weird. | ||
| What my opponent thinks... | ||
| You know what, my opponent just thinks that, uh, taxes are too high, and I disagree. | ||
| Does not concern me. | ||
| What concerns me is the good will of the American people. | ||
| What concerns me is the prosperity of the American nation. | ||
| I just want people to be nicer to each other and make more money. | ||
| What concerns me is seeing more Made in America stickers on goods. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Why do we allow it? | ||
| But keep bringing that down. | ||
| There's personality types. | ||
| This is where you get into certain personality types where you'll run into specific groups of people who all act exactly the same. | ||
| Like goths, people who are into certain bands. | ||
| They all act They all share this similar personality. | ||
| And in cults, one of the aspects of cults is that everyone in the cult kind of acts the same way. | ||
| And the way they're acting like is like the leader. | ||
| So it gets really interesting when you start considering to yourself how much of what I'm doing Is a shtick? | ||
| Or how much of what I'm doing is just imitated from someone else, whether it's my parents when I was a kid? | ||
| Accents. | ||
| Accents, exactly. | ||
| Even the way we inflect on words. | ||
| I didn't even realize how heavy my Boston accent was until I started seeing myself on television. | ||
| I saw myself on television when I was 19 after a Taekwondo tournament. | ||
| I heard my accent. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, I've got to stop that. | ||
| And I've slowly removed it. | ||
| You have to hear it. | ||
| You have to hear it to realize you're even saying it. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking crazy, man. | ||
| We just imitate our atmosphere. | ||
| It's fun to chase that thing back. | ||
| And this is where psychedelics are really useful is because you begin to start contemplating, well, who is behind all this? | ||
| Who's behind the accent? | ||
| Do you ever just think, where do my words come from? | ||
| I think it's all cool motherfuckers that other people copied. | ||
| That's where the accent is. | ||
| I mean, there must have been... | ||
| One cool motherfucker in Kentucky that just knew how to talk in a way that just seemed badass. | ||
| This motherfucker didn't give a fuck, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| He just sat there with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth and said, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| And everybody in the neighborhood was like, man, I want to be like that dude. | ||
| And they all just sort of took on that inflection. | ||
| Well, remember when a movie would come out when you were in elementary school? | ||
| But obviously that's not true. | ||
| It's not like one guy. | ||
| It's not a patient zero when it comes to accents. | ||
| You know, it's some kind of collaboration between groups of cool people. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But, you know, when a movie would come out and you would be in elementary school and then some catchphrase from that movie would suddenly go rushing through elementary school again. | ||
| I'm Rick James, bitch! | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| Where just kind of like a wildfire goes through idiots and they just imitate and imitate and imitate. | ||
| They can't help it. | ||
| They can't help it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this is the big question. | ||
| This is like... | ||
| But it's also fun. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's human. | ||
| I mean, God damn. | ||
| Everyone's guilty of it, man. | ||
| I'm Rick James, bitch! | ||
| There's no way to avoid it. | ||
| You're going to do it. | ||
| People love saying that. | ||
| No, there seems to be a prevalence of people saying boo right now. | ||
| Boo? | ||
| And also, you've started some shit, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You've started Powerful. | ||
| Powerful's beautiful. | ||
| I get Powerful tweets all the time. | ||
| Powerful Duncan Trump. | ||
| Don't complain about that. | ||
| You can't worry too much about things. | ||
| I'm not complaining about it. | ||
| We don't enjoy shit like Powerful. | ||
| I'm not complaining about it. | ||
| I think it's great, but I'm saying it's interesting to see how... | ||
| Certain behaviors, micro behaviors get imitated and echoed throughout society. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| It is fascinating. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| It's very interesting that we sort of amalgamate, we sort of take in from all sorts of different sources around us that we like, all the different things that we like. | ||
| It's always a problem with comics as well. | ||
| You see certain comics that are just doing Doug Stanhope. | ||
| How many guys have you seen that were opening for Doug? | ||
| I don't know if you ever went to one of Doug's shows. | ||
| But years ago, especially, he would have guys open for him and they were essentially doing Stanhope. | ||
| And I was like, Jesus Christ, you got you before you, buddy. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| It's super common. | ||
| There was a million Attels for a while. | ||
| They were just huge fans of Attel and they couldn't even help it. | ||
| They started talking like Dave. | ||
| They just found themselves doing it. | ||
| You don't even realize it. | ||
| It's fucking incredible, man. | ||
| It's like you get thumbprinted by reality in that way. | ||
| It goes way back. | ||
| I just had my mom as a shrink on the podcast. | ||
| She was talking about the effect that she thinks what happens when you were a kid, like getting your dick snipped off, like you were saying, has on the rest of your life. | ||
| It has a huge effect. | ||
| You get thumbprinted by your parents, by the subjective DNA of your parents gets thumbprinted into you. | ||
| And then you spend the rest of your life in this kind of strange hypnotic trance, not knowing why you're doing what you're doing. | ||
| And that, I think, is the beginning of, you know, when you're talking about dumb people or people who are absorbed into some religious structure, I think the beginning of humanness starts when you start thinking about, wait, what am I really? | ||
| What's behind this fucking mask? | ||
| What's behind the behavior mechanisms that I picked up from my folks or from movies or from influential friends or from whatever? | ||
| What's the being residing behind all that shit? | ||
| And that, I think, is when you stop being a machine or start waking up a little bit. | ||
| But until then, you might as well be a fucking brain in a goddamn Commodore 64. Yeah, or you just enjoy this fucking weird existence and marvel at all the mystery of it all and just sort of try to take it in and just enjoy it. | ||
| Because if you try to get down to your core all day, every day, you're going to miss what's enjoyable about the experience. | ||
| I don't necessarily know if we're ever going to figure out what's Motivating us, pushing us in one way or another. | ||
| Why do you talk the way you talk? | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| But I do love the fact that there's so many variables. | ||
| I do love a guy like Joey Diaz. | ||
| I do love how Ari is so much different than Joey. | ||
| Brian's so much different than me. | ||
| We're all just weird personalities that have come about Through a whole bunch of different scenarios, a bunch of different ways to live a life, you know, and different locations and different problems and challenges and different genetics. | ||
| It's a fucking trip, man. | ||
| The human experience to get from point A to Duncan Trussell at 37 years old is a wild, crazy fucking road. | ||
| And everyone's road is unique and different and creates a different result. | ||
| Have you heard the term dependent origination? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a Buddhist term, and the term is that there is nothing independent. | ||
| There's nothing independent of it. | ||
| There's no thing that isn't related to some other thing in the universe, which creates this kind of tapestry. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| So the example that, you know, of course, the beer, this beer bottle is not by itself. | ||
| It comes from sand. | ||
| It's just what you're seeing here is in the flow of time, Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| hundred years from now, this fucking thing is going to be sand again. | ||
| So what you're watching right now is just a moment of this thing's true existence. | ||
| And in the same way, you and Joey Diaz and Brian and me and everyone listening to this are just one moat, One moment of beingness in this web that for us traces all the way back apparently to nuclear fusion inside of stars, which has gone through infinite time until it's finally manifested in the form of whatever the particulates. | ||
| Yeah, exactly! | ||
| Which, for a moment in time, for a moment in time, that little bit of the tapestry... | ||
| We'll be on stage at the Ice House tonight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cocksuckers! | |
| After 10.30. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's already sold out, bitch. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah, it's an amazing connection that we have to everything that's ever existed. | ||
| And we are part of some weird infinite cycle, as is the planet, as is the star that heats the planet. | ||
| All of these will end. | ||
| The universe won't. | ||
| This is but a blip. | ||
| Even the life of a star is but a blip in the life of the universe. | ||
| And they blow up all the time. | ||
| They said that there was a beautiful show on hypernovas. | ||
| They were talking about when they first started detecting gamma ray bursts in the galaxy. | ||
| They didn't know what was going on. | ||
| They thought it was possible that we were under attack by an alien race because there was these huge bursts of energy that were happening all throughout the universe. | ||
| So they thought it was possible that there were actually alien wars at one point in time. | ||
| That was something that was being considered until they understood the mechanism behind NOVA's. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| They're happening all the time. | ||
| They're just blowing out. | ||
| There are so many fucking stars. | ||
| We can't even... | ||
| You've got to go, in your lifetime, to the Keck Observatory in Hawaii. | ||
| If you've never been there, it's one of the highest observatories, and it's above the clouds. | ||
| It's really wild, because you're driving. | ||
| It's on the Big Island, and you drive. | ||
| It's a long-ass drive. | ||
| It's like a two-hour drive up the mountain. | ||
| And as you're driving, you hit clouds. | ||
| And you're like, fuck man, we're not going to be able to see shit. | ||
| We took this big drive up here, but we're not going to be able to see shit because there's all these clouds. | ||
| Then you drive past the clouds. | ||
| And you get up there and you go, oh my god. | ||
| Because first of all, you're at 13,000 feet. | ||
| And second of all, there's no light pollution on the island. | ||
| They have these diffusers on all these lamps. | ||
| So when you look at... | ||
| You don't even have to look through a telescope, dude. | ||
| You just look up when you're at the observatory and you're like, Oh my God! | ||
| The Milky Way is insane! | ||
| And it makes you so angry that you can't see that every day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, if we didn't have these greedy-ass fucking cities with lights everywhere and driving around with headlights, if we could have just for one hour or a couple hours of one day, maybe just like one night a year where everyone shuts all the power off for three hours. | ||
| And we all, from 6 to 9 p.m. | ||
| Central, remember, tonight is... | ||
| You know, Star Appreciation Night. | ||
| And we all shut out all the powers. | ||
| In cities? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they've tried that a few times. | |
| Where? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll look it up. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Great idea. | ||
| See? | ||
| I'm behind the times. | ||
| Somebody started up. | ||
| But if we did that, and you could see that, we would have so many people that would be so much more in awe of space. | ||
| And so much more interested in the... | ||
| Especially children. | ||
| Interested in the idea of pursuing astronomy or... | ||
| Or pursuing rocketry or working for NASA or something. | ||
| Our appreciation for funding things like NASA and the Hubble telescope and new telescopes and the Keck Observatory and all that stuff would be so much more appreciated if we could see the majesty of the stars. | ||
| We've robbed ourselves of that with cities. | ||
| The light. | ||
| We don't even realize it because we've grown up with these things. | ||
| But all that light all the time has robbed us of really the most amazing thing you could ever see. | ||
| And one of the most humbling things I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| I've had psychedelic experiences that didn't affect me as much as looking at those stars. | ||
| Because I remember that night I couldn't sleep. | ||
| I remember I got back to the hotel room and I was just lying in bed staring up at the ceiling thinking how insane that thing was and that that's up there all the time and I can't see it. | ||
| And it really hit home the feeling. | ||
| That was when I really started pushing the idea of the planet as an organic spaceship. | ||
| That's when I really started talking about it. | ||
| That's when I came up with that whole bit about explaining that we're on a rock hurling through the universe. | ||
| How insane it is to pay attention to the Grand Canyon. | ||
| You know that bit? | ||
| It's like there's people out there, look how deep the Grand Canyon is. | ||
| Meanwhile, above you is infinity. | ||
| Did you see the Graham Hancock video that he posted on his information website of the sound of the earth from space? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I did. | |
| I got that off of Twitter. | ||
| And it sounds like dolphins. | ||
| Dude, it's the radio waves. | ||
| It's the radio waves that the radiation belts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it sounds alive. | ||
| It sounds like dolphins. | ||
| It sounds like chirping whales. | ||
| Yeah, Brian, pull that up because it's fucking trippy. | ||
| Are you drinking a rock star, you fucking rock star? | ||
| Yeah, by the way, it's called Earth Hour. | ||
| It's actually one hour a year that everyone's supposed to just turn off all their power except for the refrigerator for an hour. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's cool. | ||
| LA doesn't do that shit. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| I gotta do coke! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was the shit that you want me to look at? | |
| It's on Graham Hancock's site. | ||
| He's got this newsletter. | ||
| I don't know the exact link. | ||
| Just look up, scientists find the sound of the earth. | ||
| Yeah, it'll pop up right away. | ||
| It sounds like chirping dolphins. | ||
| Or whales. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and it's apparently the sound of the radiation belts make a sound that's like, it wavers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, we're weird, man. | ||
| I think it's just a matter of time before we get contacted by something that's more intelligent than us. | ||
| I've been thinking that more and more lately. | ||
| I think if there is something out there that's more intelligent than human beings, it's going to have to contact us really soon. | ||
| Because we're like real close. | ||
| Well, this is the thing, man. | ||
| I can't remember who fucking said this. | ||
| One of these singularity people said, humankind's first contact with an extraterrestrial, or with rather an alien intelligence, is going to be a machine that's woken up. | ||
| And that's going to be our first experience with it, is something we made. | ||
| Instead of... | ||
| Instead of a thing from space. | ||
| Well, it's possible. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| It is possible that we're at the high... | ||
| I mean, there was one recent Harvard astronomer that decided after looking at 500 different stars that we may be the only thing out there and that there's so little life or evidence of life in these planets, these 500 different planets, rather, that they've observed. | ||
| But I think that's ridiculous. | ||
| I do, too. | ||
| And most ridiculous because... | ||
| He is coming from a planet that has life. | ||
| That's one of those 500. So it's not that there's nothing in 500. No, you found one dummy and you're on it. | ||
| There's one and you found 500 that don't, but you found one that does. | ||
| You have to add that in, stupid. | ||
| You don't just go looking for another one. | ||
| And if the other one, you can't find it. | ||
| Well, they don't exist. | ||
| Meanwhile, you are one. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| And also, man, that creek bed in Mars, that shit gives me goosebumps. | ||
| When I see pictures of the fucking gravel in Mars from water flowing on Mars, I just think about what that must have looked like on that planet with Martian water rolling through whatever it was rolling through. | ||
| I think there was probably life on Mars. | ||
| Yeah, Brian, pull up How Earth Sounds from Space on YouTube and it'll freak you. | ||
| These fucking loud ass people interfering with our podcast, yelling on the street. | ||
| We got no sound proofing here at the Ice House. | ||
| How Earth Sounds from Space. | ||
| It's on YouTube. | ||
| It shows the Earth itself. | ||
| You see like cloud formations and shit. | ||
| No, that's not the one. | ||
| That's not the most recent one. | ||
| That's the one I'm looking for. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| Let me look up GrahamHancock.com. | ||
| How was that movie you saw last night, Joe? | ||
| Fucking awesome. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Looper. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| I'm glad that's good. | ||
| Oh my god, is it good? | ||
| It's not just good. | ||
| It's like one of the best movies I think I've ever seen. | ||
| It was a really good fucking movie. | ||
| I can't find the sound, man. | ||
| I don't know where it is. | ||
| Anyway, go find it, folks. | ||
| It's on my Twitter. | ||
| Why don't I just look on my own fucking Twitter? | ||
| Stupid ass. | ||
| I'm so dumb. | ||
| The Looper movie's really fucking good. | ||
| It's really good writing. | ||
| I didn't know anything about it, which makes me happy. | ||
| Is it one of those mind benders where your brain feels like it's getting stretched out because it's so... | ||
| No, you know, it wasn't. | ||
| That was the thing. | ||
| They managed to avoid all sorts. | ||
| If you go to my Twitter, Brian, I found it. | ||
| If you pull up, there's a tweet. | ||
| I retweeted a gentleman named Aaron Rodriguez. | ||
| Aaron Rodriguez. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| You are the guy who gets mentioned on the podcast. | ||
| Aaron Rodriguez. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Aaron Rodriguez. | |
| And it says, apparently the Van Allen radiation belt sings like a whale. | ||
| Nothing to fear, guys. | ||
| And it's 22 hours ago. | ||
| I retweeted it. | ||
| So find that, son. | ||
| Son! | ||
| What was I saying? | ||
| You were talking about... | ||
| I don't remember what you were talking about before that, man. | ||
| You fucking lost me. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, well. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's our planet That's so creepy Sounds like it's calling a dog. | |
| You know what? | ||
| It's calling other planets saying, this place is filled with cunts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Help me! | |
| Sounds like a bunch of crickets and birds. | ||
| We have cunts with nuclear bombs. | ||
| Don't fuck with it, Brian. | ||
| Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's the end of it? | |
| I don't think that fucking thing... | ||
| That thing does not sound... | ||
| That does not sound like a defenseless thing to me. | ||
| That sounds like a thing that could just jump out of the woods and bite your head off. | ||
| Well, it's not a real sound. | ||
| You know, it's radio waves. | ||
| So we've sort of interpreted them as a sound, as I understand it. | ||
| I don't think it's actually the sound. | ||
| Yeah, if you stuck your head out of the space shuttle, you wouldn't hear that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because your head would get wiped off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You probably would hear that, actually. | ||
| Yeah, you wouldn't hear shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your head would freeze and explode instantly. | |
| Isn't that crazy that you would just freeze instantly in space? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just couldn't live. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that someone at the door? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Who is it? | ||
| Who is it? | ||
| Who's motherfuckers keep interrupting? | ||
| I think because the comedy show starts in 30 minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's part of comics. | |
| But comics would just come back here and not say anything. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Duncan. | ||
| Yes, Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How are you doing? | |
| Where are you at next? | ||
| Are you going out of town? | ||
| I'm going to Vancouver this weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, lucky. | |
| Are you playing at that hotel? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Comedy club? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's it called again? | |
| The Comedy Mix. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's awesome. | |
| I answered my own question. | ||
| It's Joey Diaz. | ||
| I knew it was. | ||
| Because Joey's the type of guy that just tries doors. | ||
| He doesn't knock. | ||
| The door's unlocked and I'll stay stealthy. | ||
| Keep it on the down low, cocksucker. | ||
| Joey! | ||
| It's an audio rendering of radio waves. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't really sound like that. | ||
| Captured by probes. | ||
| That's still fucking weird. | ||
| Lock that door to keep out the stalkers or something. | ||
| What's going on, buddy? | ||
| You know me, dog. | ||
| You know me. | ||
| Keeping it beautiful. | ||
| Did you lock it? | ||
| What do you got, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| We're here for another sold-out show tonight at the Ice House in Pasadena, ladies and gentlemen, where we sling comedy dick on a regular basis. | ||
| And, you know, we got a lot of people come back, so we try to come up with as much new shit as possible. | ||
| And I'm going to be doing a lot on the Earth Singing Like a Whale. | ||
| That's my new book. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't think there's any material. | ||
| I am doing a whole chunk on S&M tonight. | ||
| Are you really? | ||
| Yes, I am. | ||
| I can't wait to hear it. | ||
| You better not use any of my stories, you fuck. | ||
| What as an M story do you have? | ||
| I know. | ||
| I got all those fucking things. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You do not? | ||
| Ball gag stories. | ||
| You have no ball gag stories. | ||
| And that's a shame. | ||
| No. | ||
| I operate on a different level than you. | ||
| I don't know if it's the right level. | ||
| Well, I'm not saying it is. | ||
| But it's definitely a different level. | ||
| It's a different level. | ||
| You're into some shit. | ||
| On occasion. | ||
| Let's make sure we say on occasion. | ||
| You're into some shit that makes me uncomfortable as a man. | ||
| I'm not afraid to experiment. | ||
| About what? | ||
| He's judging me because from time to time I popped a ball gag into a lady's mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you wore diapers. | |
| I never did that. | ||
| You made that up. | ||
| You know I would not judge you, Duncan. | ||
| I would never judge you. | ||
| I love you exactly the way you are. | ||
| I don't want you to change even slightly. | ||
| But the ball gag thing bothers me. | ||
| I did it like four times! | ||
| He says that like it's totally normal. | ||
| Like the first time, I'm like, well, I'm still intrigued by this ball gag business. | ||
| Let me try it again. | ||
| Joey, sit in with us, man. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| See you in a minute. | ||
| Joey Diaz, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| In and out. | ||
| He's here. | ||
| He's gone. | ||
| He's here for our sold-out show, The Bazzadino. | ||
| Welcome to my radio voice! | ||
| So Opie and Anthony attacked these guys on what they call Jocktober. | ||
| They do it every year, apparently. | ||
| It was fucking so funny because it was Opie and Anthony. | ||
| It was, who else was on? | ||
| Tom Papa was in there. | ||
| Who else was in there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was just, you know, that show is always like a bunch of people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like all piled in together. | ||
| And it was really fucking funny. | ||
| And then within half an hour, an hour of them doing it, the radio station took down their Facebook page. | ||
| Because the ONA savages had started attacking the Facebook page and shitting all over it. | ||
| Fucking going bananas and telling them they all should drown in AIDS and shit like that. | ||
| That's just so funny. | ||
| I mean, I just fucking love that they're so sensitive. | ||
| They took down their Facebook page. | ||
| Look, this is what happened. | ||
| You got goofed on. | ||
| You should have been goofed on a long time ago. | ||
| And then you would have never done that radio voice. | ||
| I think they train in that voice. | ||
| I think that there's schools where people train to talk like that. | ||
| Yeah, you just choose like strip club or radio voice or weather person. | ||
| You know what Anthony was saying? | ||
| Anthony was saying that they made them... | ||
| It was Anthony or opening, I forget. | ||
| They were all talking about it, how the guy actually said... | ||
| I want you to visualize who your audience is. | ||
| Just, you know, take a picture out of a magazine that represents that guy, you know, your blue-collar guy, and just put that up there on the wall, and you know, that's the guy you're talking to. | ||
| That's your guy. | ||
| You know, when Anthony was saying that he put up John Casey, it was really That's great. | ||
| But it's like that happens whenever you get a producer involved and someone who's a non-creative person involved in trying to shape your radio personality. | ||
| What we're going to do, man, is just tighten up your image. | ||
| You need a thumb ring. | ||
| Have you thought about a nose ring? | ||
| Thumb ring? | ||
| Nose rings? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, man! | ||
| Thumb rings! | ||
| Anthony Bourdain is the only guy that I've ever met that used to wear a thumb ring that's not a douchebag. | ||
| He's a cool guy, and he has a thumb ring, and I'd watch him on the show, and I'm like, man, I just gotta talk to him about that ring, and we're gonna be fine. | ||
| Or toe rings. | ||
| A dude with a toe ring? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here! | ||
| I've seen that before. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| And the tattoo around the belly button, that's another one. | ||
| Dudes get bored. | ||
| I can see tattooing your belly button. | ||
| That's just a bored issue, but not a toe ring. | ||
| Did you see that shit on Reddit of the guy who had rim job tattooed on his face, like right on his mouth, on his mustache? | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's the saddest thing. | ||
| It looks like he's been crying. | ||
| Like, it's him and some other guy. | ||
| They're both obviously fucked up and one of them has some shit tattoo on his forehead. | ||
| But the other guy is right under his nose. | ||
| Rim job. | ||
| I think there's a lot of people that are just incredibly self-destructive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is that like us losing our natural reward system with hunter and gathering and being stuck into some weird fucking environment where we're taking pills and trying to overcome reality with pharmaceutical drugs and sedate ourselves through shit jobs and boring meaningless existences as a cog in the wheel and then you just go crazy, substance abuse, tattoo your face. | ||
| It's like the human version of pigs in slaughterhouses that start chewing off their own legs because they're too close to each other. | ||
| You just end up going into some... | ||
| But also a lot of times when people do that shit outside of the guy who did a rim job, a lot of times when people fuck up their body, they're doing it because they want... | ||
| i think i think that they're like writing rim job on your face no not that i said except for that guy but like the people who like just fucking like put in the like hang themselves from their nipples or like people who do the ear the big ear holes you think they're looking for certain types of girls and that's what it is i think it's a mating pattern some of it for sure it is the ear thing is i would have never saw that coming me either i met a lot of cool people that have it too and And I don't want to judge them. | ||
| I don't want to judge them. | ||
| But that's a fucking... | ||
| It's a trippy thing. | ||
| You got a fucking toilet paper roll in your ear, son. | ||
| Did you see that prank? | ||
| Or maybe it was just... | ||
| It was an idea for a prank. | ||
| It's awful. | ||
| But it's like you sneak up on one of those guys with a... | ||
| Lock and put it in the ear hole and lock it so then they've got a lock locked into their ear. | ||
| I think I saw a video of it or someone suggesting someone do that. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| That's horrific, man. | ||
| Because then you'd have to get it clipped. | ||
| That's horrific. | ||
| It's a dangerous thing, man. | ||
| It's not a strategic thing to have giant holes in your ears. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| Yeah, but what if you ripped it off and then beat the guy to death with it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could do that, too. | ||
| Well, you would deserve it, probably. | ||
| It's a shitty move. | ||
| Yeah, locking someone, putting a lock in someone's fucking ear. | ||
| You better know the combination, bitch. | ||
| That's a rude prank. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| I guess prank's the wrong word. | ||
| It's an assault. | ||
| An attack. | ||
| But yeah, all that shit, body modification, that thing where people in Korea, is it Korea that they're putting the donuts in their heads? | ||
| Head bagels. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| It's like we're sick of our bodies or something, man. | ||
| We're taking these strange paths to make our bodies look different. | ||
| It's really fucking weird. | ||
| The lady just grew an ear off her arm, but that wasn't cosmetic. | ||
| That's because she had cancer. | ||
| Yeah, that's not related. | ||
| But yeah, there is a lot of weird shit that people do. | ||
| I say that, but then I have two sleeves of tattoos. | ||
| I have two arms that are covered in drawing. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| I really can't talk. | ||
| No, I think two sleeves of tattoos is a fuckload cooler than having your head inflated. | ||
| Yeah, it's cooler, but it's still weird to the average person. | ||
| It doesn't want to sit there and have someone draw on them with a fucking scratchy needle that shoves ink under their skin just to make it look cool. | ||
| I want a fucking tattoo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha! | |
| What'd you get? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's the problem, man. | ||
| It's tortured me for my whole life. | ||
| I'm always thinking about what it would be, and I don't know. | ||
| I'm hoping that when I go out to Brazil and slurp back some ayahuasca, it'll come to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think Lil' Hobo. | |
| Just Lil' Hobo. | ||
| It's a little sweet face on your arm. | ||
| Lil' Hobo with a giant dick, like Evil Boy, that is tattooed on the dude from... | ||
| Yeah, D'Antward. | ||
| Yeah, huge dick, but Lil' Hobo's face. | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| I don't like that tattoo, guys. | ||
| Veiny. | ||
| Big, veiny, giant dick. | ||
| Don't like that tattoo. | ||
| How about a black dick? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| How about a red dick to represent the American Indian being repressed but on a comeback? | ||
| Now you're speaking my language, Joe. | ||
| Now it means something. | ||
| A big, hard, red dick. | ||
| Like the Hulk if he was red. | ||
| You feel me on this? | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| I don't feel it. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I felt like I was on a good path. | ||
| What about something from the Bhagavad Gita? | ||
| Is there like a... | ||
| But again, that shit all seems so fucking contrived. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| I'm not going to look at my arm and be like, no! | ||
| How about Aleister Crowley on your shoulder? | ||
| Fuck that, man. | ||
| I have an Aleister Crowley poster and shit falls off my walls. | ||
| I don't want it on my body. | ||
| Some goddamn chaos... | ||
| There's a chaos magician named Frater Isla, I hope he doesn't care I said his name, who mails me like really weird occult shit, man. | ||
| Like, really strange, like... | ||
| He just sent me a demon summoning box where he's painted the front of it. | ||
| It sounds really dumb when I say it. | ||
| A demon summoning box? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, there's a lot of weird, there's a lot of strange shit out there, man. | ||
| But the point is, I would never want Crowley tattooed on my body. | ||
| There's a lot of people that have Terrence McKenna tattooed on them. | ||
| Pretty interesting. | ||
| I think that's pretty good. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I like more of something that's less specific. | ||
| You know, something that maybe has... | ||
| The Terrence McKenna tattoo is going to be real problematic if December 21st, 2012 rolls over and nothing happens. | ||
| Although he wasn't really convinced that anything was going to happen. | ||
| Well, everyone's got the... | ||
| I mean, there's a simple out for 2012, which is that it's a shift in the vibrational frequencies. | ||
| Well, no one's ever predicted anything, ever. | ||
| That's my problem with it. | ||
| No one's ever correctly predicted any huge change in the world ever. | ||
| No one's ever said, on this day, specifically to the day, the world will change forever. | ||
| They tried with Y2K. Yes. | ||
| Oh, God, that was crazy. | ||
| I wonder if people thought 1984 was going to be a big year because of the book. | ||
| Man, I remember. | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't remember that. | |
| Well, 1984 is like nothing compared to what's really going on right now. | ||
| And your fucking phone is like a wireless GPS tracker that they can turn on and listen to you and record you talking anywhere you are. | ||
| Yeah, that shit. | ||
| We were so primitive back then, man. | ||
| Your phone had to plug into the wall. | ||
| Well, it's really interesting when you go back to the 1800s. | ||
| When was the War of the Worlds written? | ||
| I believe it was written in the 1800s, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It came out on the radio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The radio was 1920s or 30s, I think. | |
| I'll say 1923. Well, when Homeboy did it on the radio, Orson Welles, what year was that? | ||
| It was H.G. Wells, 1898. Oh, damn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| And then Orson Welles did it, I think, in the early 1900s. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| Powerful Ian Edwards is here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| What's up, brother? | ||
| Good to see you, man. | ||
| What's up, man? | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| Have a seat. | ||
| Come on in. | ||
| Park it. | ||
| Comics have started to shuffle in, ladies and gentlemen, which means we're going to shift from this to that. | ||
| Yeah, let's shift. | ||
| We're going to shift from the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast explosion in your mouth. | ||
| Ha ha ha! | ||
| To A Nice House Chronicles. | ||
| Does that sound good, Brian? | ||
| Oh, I didn't know where you're doing that. | ||
| Do you want to do one? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| We don't have to. | ||
| Okay, then we won't do it. | ||
| Alright, folks. | ||
| No more fucking podcasts. | ||
| Well, we got... | ||
| Well, it's not even 10 o'clock, though, dude. | ||
| Let's keep going then. | ||
| If we're not going to do an Ice House Chronicles, let's keep going. | ||
| Because it's only quarter to ten. | ||
| The show's at 10.30. | ||
| But we've got another sold out show here tonight at the Ice House. | ||
| Ian Edwards. | ||
| Ready to get your freak on? | ||
| Dude, what about this shit with the dispensaries now? | ||
| It got overturned. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Well, I think they decided to let them continue to operate because they needed tax revenue. | ||
| It would be catastrophic to a lot of these neighborhoods if all of a sudden those businesses pulled out. | ||
| What people don't understand is that these businesses, these cannabis dispensaries, have become a big part of the economic... | ||
| Success of a lot of communities. | ||
| I mean, not only do people work there and have jobs and get paid, but they also pay rent to landlords. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of them. | ||
| There's hundreds of them. | ||
| That would mean that hundreds of places no longer have someone renting them. | ||
| And it's not like there's a shortage of places to rent. | ||
| There's a lot of places to rent. | ||
| So if you... | ||
| It's like commercial real estate. | ||
| I had to look around at a lot of commercial places to get a podcast studio. | ||
| I looked at a lot of office space and stuff like that. | ||
| It's fucking everywhere. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| So many places are available and open. | ||
| And if they decided just randomly to shut down 700 different fucking dispensaries for just dubious reasons, for reasons that don't make any sense at all, it would suck. | ||
| It would fuck up the economy. | ||
| There's a lot of money that goes to paying taxes. | ||
| Joe, is it... | ||
| I also read that the DEA was saying that they're going to stop rating medicinal marijuana dispensaries. | ||
| Did you read that too? | ||
| No, I didn't read that. | ||
| When did they say that? | ||
| See, someone tweeted that. | ||
| I don't know if it's true. | ||
| I think it might be fake. | ||
| You were high. | ||
| You probably were high as fuck. | ||
| Because one of the things that I read is that the DEA, they won't disclose any information about busts. | ||
| And what they're doing is they're going in and rating people. | ||
| They're taking all their marijuana. | ||
| They're taking their money. | ||
| They're taking their plants. | ||
| They confiscate all the records, they write down everyone's name, and then they do nothing. | ||
| And they don't have to do anything. | ||
| And when you try to find information on the case, they just say it's an ongoing investigation. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| And they don't do anything. | ||
| So they're kind of doing something, but they ain't really doing nothing. | ||
| They're coming in and jacking people and not arresting anybody. | ||
| And Todd McCormick was the first person who told me about this. | ||
| And I was like, that doesn't even make sense. | ||
| I was like, am I missing something in this story? | ||
| And then I went and looked at it online. | ||
| But no, that is the practice. | ||
| The practice is they just make it ridiculous for these people to try to run a business. | ||
| And they come in and take all their shit. | ||
| I think they're just trying to act like they're doing something to keep the show going. | ||
| That they're... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Doing their job, but they don't really want to arrest it. | ||
| I think they probably agree with the states that have weed laws, but they're like, alright, we got to do something, so let's just shut this down, but not really try people. | ||
| I don't know if it's an agreement thing, because a lot of cops do not like weed. | ||
| When cops break into guys' houses and shoot their dogs 17 fucking times, And look around and find a pipe a little bit of weed on it. | ||
| Have you seen some of those arrest videos? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't watch those. | |
| I've seen the links. | ||
| I can't watch those. | ||
| They're horrendous, man. | ||
| They shot some former Marine 17 times the other day and they thought this guy had pot on him. | ||
| He had nothing. | ||
| The whole thing is crazy. | ||
| They thought he was a dealer. | ||
| There's no pot in the house. | ||
| We're going to put some of these cops away just to let other cops know. | ||
| It's just always like, you know, let's not rush to judgment. | ||
| The police chief is like, let's not rush to judgment. | ||
| Let's see what happens. | ||
| But they rush to judgment when... | ||
| The cops write up a criminal form on somebody that they arrest. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they put the story on the news, like, instantly that person's guilty. | ||
| But when a cop shoots somebody, let's wait. | ||
| Well, sometimes they do that, but, you know, the internet is sort of taking a lot of that away. | ||
| They're exposing these people, like that officer at UC Davis that pepper sprayed those kids in the face. | ||
| And then there was the recent situation where the cop cold-cocked the chick at a Puerto Rican Day Pride parade. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He thought that she did something, but she didn't. | ||
| She just was in the wrong place the wrong time, so he turns around and cracks her. | ||
| This is fucked up, man. | ||
| It's fucked up to watch. | ||
| That guy's in trouble. | ||
| That guy's in trouble. | ||
| Should be. | ||
| Yeah, he fucking should be. | ||
| Even if she did throw water at him, you're not allowed to punch her, dude. | ||
| You're a cop. | ||
| A girl throws water at you, you can't punch her in the face. | ||
| This is the cool thing, man. | ||
| You need to show a little more restraint. | ||
| This is the cool thing about the proliferation of fucking cameras everywhere. | ||
| Like, it goes both ways. | ||
| But I've heard that the TSA is not letting you film them anymore. | ||
| Have you heard this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's when we had... | ||
| Who was telling us the story? | ||
| Kevin Pereira was telling us the story of being stuck at the airport and trying to film it, having his girlfriend trying to film it, and they wouldn't let him. | ||
| Yeah, that's fucked. | ||
| And they took him into a room, and he's like, I don't have a witness here anymore. | ||
| At least out there, I have a witness. | ||
| Like, I want to film this. | ||
| They wouldn't let him. | ||
| They wouldn't let him. | ||
| The whole thing is just... | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| The TSA are acting like cops now. | ||
| Police state, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We've reached a police state. | ||
| People want to control people. | ||
| The system sucks. | ||
| The system's a mess. | ||
| People are complaining. | ||
| And then they want to control the people complaining. | ||
| So they want to tighten down the police state instead of addressing what the people are complaining about. | ||
| When people get to the point where they're rioting in the streets or there's an Occupy Wall Street type of movement, man... | ||
| The fact that the government does not address that on a formal basis, on a regular basis, that they're not doing something about that and adjusting it, just shows you how much contempt they have for the actual people and who they really work for. | ||
| That's not even a subject of... | ||
| I guarantee that shit's not going to come up in the debates. | ||
| You think they're going to talk about Occupy Wall Street and addressing their demands? | ||
| Or the petrodollar? | ||
| Or the fact that China is apparently switching away from the dollar to buy oil? | ||
| Have you heard about that shit? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I don't blame him. | ||
| Have you seen the value of the dollar? | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| What does it even mean, though? | ||
| The spooky thing is apparently our entire currency is based on the fact that most people use it to buy oil, and so they have to have vast reserves of it on hand to buy the oil. | ||
| But if that changes, then our dollar will drop even more than it's valued at now, in the most extreme way, because it's not based on gold. | ||
| And so a lot of people, it's called the petrodollar It's on Wikipedia. | ||
| It's a theory. | ||
| But the theory is that all the wars that we've been in have been with places that we're about to switch the currency from the dollar to something else. | ||
| And whenever that happens, we go in and attack because that's the only thing that our dollar is valued on. | ||
| But it's a theory. | ||
| It's a conspiracy theory. | ||
| Well, isn't that why we attacked Iraq? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because he had already switched over and we attacked Iraq and then we turned it back to the dollar within a year of attacking. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a wild jacking. | ||
| You won't hear them talk about that in the fucking debates. | ||
| You won't hear that come up. | ||
| Well, you won't hear them talk about WikiLeaks. | ||
| So there is a purpose to all these wars. | ||
| It's good to know that they're not doing it for nothing. | ||
| That's good, man. | ||
| Well, they're doing it for money, son. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're not going to hear anybody talk about WikiLeaks in the debate. | ||
| That shit ain't going to come out. | ||
| They're going to sweep that on the rug. | ||
| Is that dude still holed up in that embassy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't that crazy? | |
| He's been there for months. | ||
| Do you think they get him any pussy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| They should sneak him in some hippie pussy. | ||
| Does he have to pay rent there? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I wonder if he's got a dope suite. | ||
| He just promises not to leak anything about them. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder what he has to promise. | ||
| Oh shit, he probably has some serious shit on that guy. | ||
| Well, it's weird that they're in England, but it's the Ecuadorian embassy. | ||
| So he's allowed to stay, even though he's in England. | ||
| They all just stand around, waiting for him to come out. | ||
| So he stays in that house for months. | ||
| He's been in that house for months. | ||
| No, he comes out and does little speeches from that balcony. | ||
| Yeah, but he's still in the house technically. | ||
| I was calling him Rapunzel. | ||
| Is that Rapunzel? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it Rapunzel or Rapunzel? | |
| Well, they already got the DNA test back on the condom and it shows none of his DNA. Yeah, I don't think he... | ||
| Nah, they just want to get him there. | ||
| That's a story. | ||
| Sorry, Julian Assange, I love you. | ||
| Yeah, they're jacking that guy. | ||
| It's really scary, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking scary. | ||
| And also that other guy that's just in some pod somewhere getting water hosed 24 hours a day. | ||
| Oh, Bradley Manning? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They have him in solitary confinement. | ||
| I heard that he's naked. | ||
| He's not allowed to wear clothes. | ||
| He's just like balled up in a fetal position in some orange room getting sprayed with water hoses every few hours. | ||
| They play a lot of music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what you heard? | ||
| I made up a lot of that. | ||
| When I went to visit him, that's how it was. | ||
| After I fucked him, that's... | ||
| But he's not doing great. | ||
| I don't think he can send letters and stuff. | ||
| I don't think he can do anything. | ||
| I think he's sent enough letters. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, they're essentially psychologically torturing him. | ||
| He's gone. | ||
| I bet he's gone. | ||
| When he comes out of there, he's going to be a drooling Boo Radley. | ||
| He won't know anything. | ||
| That's optimistic, is it? | ||
| When he comes out of there? | ||
| Yeah, he's never coming out of there. | ||
| He's never coming out. | ||
| And what's really interesting is this guy could have done something far worse and he would be in a real prison interacting with people. | ||
| He could have been a murderer. | ||
| He could have been the DC sniper. | ||
| He could have done something far more horrific and he would be interacting with people. | ||
| What this guy did was leak some information about some shit that he thought was horrific. | ||
| And in doing so, they're treating him like he is fucking Lex Luthor. | ||
| They're treating him like he's the worst bad guy ever. | ||
| Meanwhile, Manson's in a regular prison somewhere. | ||
| Rogan, have you seen this list that leaked about the different signs that someone's a terrorist, like it leaked from the army or something, like what to look for? | ||
| What was one of them? | ||
| Everything you do. | ||
| Like, you are, like, there's gradients on the list, and on the red side, it's pretty much all of us are, like, would be considered, like, terrorists by this new thing. | ||
| Yeah, back in the day, this... | ||
| Did you find it? | ||
| Oh, if you use social media? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Read some of it. | ||
| Read some of it, dude. | ||
| Back in the day, this... | ||
| Podcasts would probably be considered, like, communist. | ||
| Oh, in the McCarthy era? | ||
| Or, you know, just some Red Party shit. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Wow, here's some warning signs. | ||
| According to the U.S. military. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You've recently changed your choices in entertainment. | ||
| You have peculiar discussions. | ||
| I've gone to blowjob porn. | ||
| You complain about bias. | ||
| You too? | ||
| You're socially withdrawn, Joey Diaz. | ||
| What up, Joey? | ||
| What's up, baby? | ||
| How you doing, man? | ||
| You know me. | ||
| Is that on? | ||
| Put the pieces together. | ||
| I don't hear him. | ||
| Check, check, check. | ||
| You're socially withdrawn. | ||
| You're frustrated with mainstream ideologies. | ||
| Your risk factors for radicalization include social networks and youth. | ||
| You're just being young. | ||
| You're young, you're a terrorist. | ||
| Everybody on Facebook is a terrorist. | ||
| You're young, you're a terrorist. | ||
| That is fucking hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is just like the most broad, sweeping brush I think I've ever read, ever, in an official document. | ||
| Who came out with this? | ||
| Some cunts. | ||
| No, I think it's like the army. | ||
| But the combination of this with the Indefinite Detention Act, that's where shit gets creepy. | ||
| Because it's one thing to just be like, yeah, those are signs that someone might be doing something weird, but then I think a terrorist, someone suspected of terrorism, can just get arrested according to the Indefinite Detention Act without a trial. | ||
| So that's where shit gets a little... | ||
| We're not going to sleep that well at night. | ||
| Well, we have this girl who's coming on the podcast tomorrow, Amber Lyon, who was working for CNN and was clearly censored. | ||
| They were told not to tell stories. | ||
| There are certain things they were told not to cover. | ||
| There are certain areas where they wanted to report on actual news. | ||
| And they were told not to. | ||
| And they were told to read off government propaganda that they knew was not true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this is on CNN. So, you know, it's real. | ||
| It's not like people are going, oh, yeah, well, they wouldn't act on that stuff. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| This is like, they've figured out a way to control media. | ||
| And propaganda is a real thing now. | ||
| It's 100% real. | ||
| They can lie to you all day long. | ||
| And if you want to travel anywhere... | ||
| They can restrict you. | ||
| Not only can they restrict you, but just to travel, you are going to have your body magnetically scanned so they can see you fucking naked. | ||
| If you travel, you must allow them to see your naked body. | ||
| But that doesn't work, as Joey Diaz clearly explained on the Alex Jones show. | ||
| They missed a bag of weed hidden under his balls. | ||
| It can't see through Joey's balls, no matter what. | ||
| They might be able to see distant telescopes. | ||
| They have not yet developed a scanner machine that can see past Joey's balls. | ||
| Dude, you better watch out. | ||
| Al-Qaeda's going to cut your balls off. | ||
| So if you want to smuggle something to another country, you have to buy some Joey Diaz Saxe. | ||
| What they need to do is the scientists that clone Dolly the sheep, they need to clone Joey's balls. | ||
| Just make them really large. | ||
| Put them over stealth bombers and you can just fucking fly in. | ||
| The x-ray machines wouldn't see shit. | ||
| You ever get your knees x-rayed? | ||
| They put that fucking umpire thing on your chest. | ||
| That's with my skin on my nuts. | ||
| It doesn't go through. | ||
| It's like umpire fucking shield. | ||
| It doesn't go through because I hide that sack behind there and all they can see is this motherfucker got three nuts. | ||
| That's all they can see. | ||
| This is the luckiest motherfucker in the world. | ||
| I just think they don't want to look there. | ||
| They're like, I'm just going to overlook that part. | ||
| Did you see this shit this week, bro? | ||
| They robbed $800,000 worth of loot to TSA people. | ||
| Yeah, they found an iPad in someone's house. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they're robbing those motherfuckers, dog. | ||
| Yeah, they definitely... | ||
| They're always swiping watches and shit. | ||
| People here tell a lot of stories about that. | ||
| But I went through the TSA today, and they were being extra careful because a penny had dropped off into the bin. | ||
| And they're like, sir, your penny. | ||
| Don't forget your penny. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They probably just stole the laptop and they're feeling guilty. | |
| Everybody's watching. | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| This is a metal watch. | ||
| This watch is made out of metal, but it doesn't go off. | ||
| Go right through the scanner machine. | ||
| It never goes off. | ||
| Wouldn't it be hilarious if they're not even checking you? | ||
| How fucking crazy would that be? | ||
| How crazy would that be if half those machines really cost like $800 for each body to go through and they just make you go through and press a button and go, you're going through it. | ||
| They're just checking to see who gets nervous. | ||
| Look how many fucking times they find people with bullets and guns and fucking stupidity. | ||
| It makes you really think. | ||
| It really makes you fucking think. | ||
| I guarantee half these people are like, listen, just whatever. | ||
| Just whatever. | ||
| You know, today's a day. | ||
| It's a free fucking day. | ||
| You come up with a bazooka. | ||
| We're not going to catch you. | ||
| Well, they did some independent testing where they tried to get people through and they got through with a bunch of shit. | ||
| People got through with guns and bombs. | ||
| Guys, you'd be fucking surprised. | ||
| You'd be fucking surprised. | ||
| Well, you know what goes off? | ||
| Foil from gum. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Yeah, when you have like a pack of dentine with a push-through foil back, that shit goes off. | ||
| If you have that in your pocket, you'll beep like you got a weapon. | ||
| But meanwhile, the metal that your watch is made out of, for whatever fucking reason, that doesn't go off. | ||
| Man, it just makes me want to puke when I look over and see a fucking old man. | ||
| Today I saw an 80-year-old man with a brace on his neck. | ||
| Getting like a hardcore hat down. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Was he white? | ||
| He probably deserves it. | ||
| He did some shit back in the day. | ||
| All the creepy shit he did to get to be alive in 80s. | ||
| He did some racist shit. | ||
| He needs to get searched. | ||
| I hope those are black TSA workers working him over like a water hose. | ||
| I hope they dip their fingers inside sanitizers and stuck it right up his ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had sanitizers deep in his asshole. | |
| Imagine what it felt like a hand sanitizer inside your ass. | ||
| That would not be good. | ||
| You would have cut your asshole. | ||
| Meanwhile, someone's done it. | ||
| Someone's done it. | ||
| Someone does that all day. | ||
| Someone's probably addicted to doing that. | ||
| Going to a doctor. | ||
| I've got to stop putting hand sanitizer up my asshole. | ||
| The doctor's like, what? | ||
| A new thing. | ||
| A new fucking thing. | ||
| Do you remember when we went to some town, you and I, and we had dinner with some doctor? | ||
| I was there. | ||
| He was telling us about emergency room shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| A friend of mine used to work at emergency room. | ||
| Oh, that they, in Chicago National, that they buried the fucking guy. | ||
| Remember, what were the stories about the hospital, this motherfucker? | ||
| Did John Rallo tell you about his buddy, the boxer, who went for shoulder surgery? | ||
| And before you have shoulder surgery, they shoot a thing in you, and it fucking freezes your arm, your nerves. | ||
| You can't have your nerves for like 18 months. | ||
| They shot the motherfucker in the wrong arm. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, a boxer. | ||
| That's John Rollo. | ||
| He took somebody, Andre Ward, to a decision or something like that a couple years ago and then they did the surgery. | ||
| They shot this motherfucker in the wrong arm. | ||
| It takes 18 months to heal because I guess it's one centimeter a fucking month that it heals backwards, John was telling me. | ||
| Can you imagine going for surgery to take out your wrong fucking eye? | ||
| Boss Rubin has a nerve issue that he had nerves fucked up, and it was over a year where his arm hadn't healed yet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nerves take a long time. | ||
| Dude, I've heard of people bringing their dogs into the vet to get them groomed, and they put them to sleep because of confusion. | ||
| They get it confused. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yeah, Will Ferrell's cats. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a call back from an old Joe Rogan podcast. | |
| Will Ferrell's Cats. | ||
| Ferrell Cats. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember that? | |
| Well, going back to the EMS shit, a friend of mine, he was a comic, and he used to work in an ambulance in Queens, and people were coming with shit stuck in their ass. | ||
| Like one guy had a GI Joe doll. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| He was talking about people getting stuck in their ass. | ||
| Well, Steve Graham. | ||
| Steve Graham always talks about that. | ||
| When he did his residency in Miami, he said they found light bulbs up people's asses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those twisty lightbulbs? | ||
| Oh, the twisty joints. | ||
| People stuck lightbulbs up their asses and then the lightbulbs broke. | ||
| Dude, the thing he said... | ||
| Well, this dude stuck a G.I. Joe doll up his ass, but he couldn't pull it out because the arms opened up. | ||
| Like prongs. | ||
| Like prongs. | ||
| That's when he had to call the ambulance. | ||
| It's like a barb. | ||
| He was like hooked. | ||
| Dude, this guy, the doctor we were talking at, too, at dinner, he said something that I'd never heard before, which is some people were taking nitrous oxide, remember this, and inflating their testicles with it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| People were doing it with saline, too. | ||
| Do you know where you can get this nitrous oxide? | ||
| Dude, I have no idea. | ||
| You can get it from Duncan's testicles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's going to spout. | ||
| He's the one. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| He lets it out. | ||
| It whistles like a balloon. | ||
| I heard of a chick in Jersey one time. | ||
| My buddy was in the hospital. | ||
| He said some chick came in. | ||
| She put a frozen hot dog in her pussy and it broke. | ||
| So she had to go get it. | ||
| Oh, no! | ||
| Can you imagine having an old hot dog in your fucking pussy? | ||
| And she was so cold. | ||
| Like a fucking ballpark. | ||
| She's such a cold bitch, the shit didn't even melt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just froze. | |
| It froze harder. | ||
| It got harder. | ||
| It got harder. | ||
| It fucking. | ||
| It froze and crushed. | ||
| It came out as snow. | ||
| Damn snow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, it's an icicle like that. | |
| I have an icicle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| I mean, if you can think of it, someone stuffed it up their ass. | ||
| Just call a dude. | ||
| That's a good name for a kids book. | ||
| Someone shoved one of these up their ass, right? | ||
| Someone's shoved beer bottles up their ass. | ||
| We've all seen two guys, one cup. | ||
| You've seen that. | ||
| That guy's stuck like a mayonnaise jar up his ass. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| He's stuck like one of those jars where you get some really good jelly. | ||
| You know, you get that preserves where it's like a fancy, fancy glass jar. | ||
| That guy had that deep in his ass and it broke. | ||
| And then like clunks of chunks of broken glass and blood are coming out of his ass. | ||
| I mean, it is a crazy fucking scene. | ||
| Bro, what about those junkies in prison that walk around with a syringe in their asshole? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| A fucking syringe with a spoon, matches. | ||
| And they tuck it in their asshole to store it. | ||
| That's where they store it, right? | ||
| Needles, syringes in your ass. | ||
| After 10 years of doing it, it just looks like nothing. | ||
| You just open your asshole and take a needle out of there. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Isn't that the way they say that a lot of guys get hepatitis from exchanging needles if they don't have clean needles? | ||
| It's fucked up that there's diseases that come just from sex. | ||
| How did syphilis ever get... | ||
| We know we were talking about swine flu and all these different things that come from massive farms, which a lot of flus come from. | ||
| But how does fucking sexually transmitted diseases come from? | ||
| Who was the first person to get herpes? | ||
| How did that get... | ||
| Kelly Kirsten. | ||
| LAUGHTER Now, Capone died of syphilis. | ||
| Syphilis, yeah. | ||
| Fucking syphilis. | ||
| Now, what is syphilis? | ||
| How does it get into you? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| What comes out of your dick? | ||
| What leakage? | ||
| When I was about 15, my buddy told me he had a problem. | ||
| He goes, can you go to the fucking clinic with me? | ||
| I'll never forget going to the clinic after school, not even thinking about it, guys. | ||
| And seeing bitches with sores in their mouth and fucking shit leaking. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| I made a mental note right there. | ||
| Like right there, I was like, I ain't fucking around with bitches till I'm older. | ||
| Well, this is one of the things. | ||
| They shut down the porn industry because they're doing syphilis and started giving other people syphilis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is during 2010. There was 45,834 new cases of syphilis. | ||
| Compared to 48,000 HIV infections and 309,000 cases of gonorrhea. | ||
| Whoa, gonorrhea's popular. | ||
| Which one's the... | ||
| 309,000 cases of gonorrhea. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And that's just for those who thought gonorrhea was over. | ||
| It's back, y'all. | ||
| Doing its thing. | ||
| Doing its thing. | ||
| Gonorrhea coming on strong, kid. | ||
| It's gonorrhea the clap. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Is that the clap? | ||
| Gonorrhea is the clap? | ||
| I would assume it was that. | ||
| Two thirds of syphilis occurred amongst men who have had sex with men. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Most syphilis is gay syphilis. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| There are 377 reports of children with congenital syphilis. | ||
| Children? | ||
| They get it when they're born with it. | ||
| Syphilis is transmitted from person to person. | ||
| It's a bacterium disease. | ||
| It's caused by bacterium. | ||
| can cause long-term complications and or death not adequately treated sores can occur on the lips and in the mouth syphilis can be transmitted during vaginal anal or oral sexual contact pregnant women with the disease can pass it on to their unborn children whoa damn you syphilis syphilis is a mother a motherfucker. | ||
| How quickly do symptoms appear after infection? | ||
| The average time between infection with syphilis and the appearance of the first symptom is 21 days, but it can range up to 90 days. | ||
| Dude, I knew a guy who used to say that fucking pussy with gonorrhea was the best pussy. | ||
| What? | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| Because it was so hot. | ||
| Because it was like feverishly hot. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I think it's safe to say that guy's a silly bitch. | ||
| How many times has he done it? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| What do you do, put an ad for gonorrhea bitches in the fucking mail? | ||
| First of all, I'm looking for a bitch with gonorrhea. | ||
| First of all, I did not... | ||
| I'm not here for a long time. | ||
| I'm here for a good time. | ||
| That's why I did not say it like that. | ||
| That's number one. | ||
| I'm gonna get some of that lava pussy. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lava pussy! | |
| Son, you ain't lived. | ||
| That molten, that molten puss. | ||
| There's motherfuckers that love period pussy, you know? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| I can't even look at that fucking dragon when it's bloody like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dragon. | |
| Well, after my mother died, I got a booty call from some chick out of Pity. | ||
| She called me up. | ||
| I was still living in the house. | ||
| I was still living in the fucking house. | ||
| And I remember I walked to her house because in those days you had no fucking text or nothing. | ||
| You had to dial that long motherfucking number. | ||
| You had to go deep on your fucking phone and walk over, walk the bitch back. | ||
| You remember when a chick lived in the other part of the state? | ||
| Yeah, dog. | ||
| Long distance. | ||
| And you couldn't fall in love. | ||
| There was no Skype. | ||
| You had to whack off on the phone. | ||
| It cost you fucking $10 to whack off. | ||
| Who remembers sports phone? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Sports phone was a phone for degenerate gamblers that cost you 35 cents to call and they updated every 30 minutes, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| You remember that? | ||
| I do remember that. | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| It was like that was the only thing that survived outside of sex calls. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But this is back in the 80s when you'd be at a bar shooting pool and a motherfucker come in, though, who won the next game? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Call sports phone. | ||
| I called a sex phone line once while I was beaten off when I was a kid and came when the chick asked me, can I help you? | ||
| Can I help you? | ||
| I was like, what am I going to do? | ||
| How am I going to pay for this? | ||
| I don't have a credit card. | ||
| I just jizzed all over myself. | ||
| That's all you need sometimes, just a voice. | ||
| You're like, how would I call you back? | ||
| How much? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's probably, how many dudes probably called people up, beating off while they were on the phone? | ||
| I remember being a security guard at night at this complex they were building for seniors, and the only thing to do was, like, you're bored at night, you just call the phone, so I used to go down the party line. | ||
| Like, I ran up, like, a thousand dollar bill in, like, a week. | ||
| So I'm a security guard, and I gotta pay this shit back. | ||
| They're taking the money out of my check. | ||
| I'm basically working for this party line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| It's just crazy. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| That's one of those... | ||
| What happens on a party line? | ||
| You just talk to a bunch of people. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| It's almost like... | ||
| Like a chat room. | ||
| It's like the phone internet. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, yeah, chat roulette now, basically. | ||
| How many people were in the room with you when you would call? | ||
| You called the number. | ||
| You talked to like three or four people and some people just listened. | ||
| Some people would contribute. | ||
| Some people would get off. | ||
| New people would join on. | ||
| You never called a party line? | ||
| No, I never called one. | ||
| It was addictive until I got that bill. | ||
| Then I was like, fuck this shit. | ||
| How much was it a minute? | ||
| That shit was expensive, y'all. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Isn't that amazing that they could just charge you to connect your fucking phone lines together and charge you ridiculous amounts of money? | ||
| And you don't even know what you... | ||
| It's not like you see it running like a meter, so you can go, ah, and just hang it up. | ||
| I thought there was girls on those lines. | ||
| That's what they relied on. | ||
| Sometimes that'd be girls. | ||
| But you can't see them. | ||
| You're just talking. | ||
| Are they from your town? | ||
| No idea. | ||
| No idea. | ||
| I don't know if it was an 800 number or some shit like that. | ||
| I bet a lot of people are probably pretending they were from your town. | ||
| Where are you from? | ||
| Kansas. | ||
| I'm from Kansas too. | ||
| Where you at? | ||
| Where you at? | ||
| I'm coming to get you. | ||
| I'm coming to get you. | ||
| I'm on my way. | ||
| I saw a show about a guy who got tricked by these Nigerian scammers and it was fucking sad. | ||
| This poor dude went to Europe twice. | ||
| He believed that this girl was waiting for him in Europe twice. | ||
| I saw that shit. | ||
| You see that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Isn't it kind of creepy? | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| The guy went there twice. | ||
| Loneliness sucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It fucking sucks hard. | ||
| But that's how, you know, social media works on the computers. | ||
| Like, it's just from back in the day when we used to make those phone calls to those party lines. | ||
| People have just been lonely for ages. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's just a way to connect without being in front of somebody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's why Facebook and MySpace is so successful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or was. | ||
| Well, people literally get sick when they don't have contact with other people. | ||
| If they don't get sick physically, they get sick mentally. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something goes wrong. | ||
| You ever go to a strip club, and you can tell the dudes that are fucking lonely, bro. | ||
| They bring the chicks gifts. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How's your mother? | ||
| How's your brother? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Let's do a dance. | ||
| I really don't want to dance. | ||
| And you see those guys, and if you interview a stripper or talk to a stripper... | ||
| And she starts to tell you those stories. | ||
| Your heart breaks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're like, really? | ||
| Some guy came in and gave you 800 to sit and talk to you for an hour. | ||
| Well, when I used to go to visit Eddie, when Eddie worked as a DJ, you know, I got to watch, like, some really crazy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy shit. | |
| You got to see, like, the girls were just like, you know, they'd be like your friend. | ||
| Like, hey, what's up? | ||
| Hey, how you doing? | ||
| You know, like, Eddie was, like, just, like, friends with all these girls. | ||
| They would come in, and then guys would, like, buy them cars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This one girl, the guy came in, and she immediately is like, oh my god, how are you? | ||
| She puts on this act and runs over and hugs him, and she's really hot, and she's naked. | ||
| She's really hot, and she's naked, and the dude is a zero. | ||
| He's just a dorky, sad, goofy... | ||
| Confused guy who's just not that good socially and doesn't understand he's being played. | ||
| And I think he had like a regular job too, man. | ||
| He was like a fucking postman or some shit. | ||
| But he would blow all his money on her. | ||
| And he got her a car. | ||
| At least they're like one of those nice Yukons. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| They just take them like vampires. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Just draw them in. | ||
| And for the guy, just to be in contact with a girl like that is enough. | ||
| The chicks, the guys that give them the most. | ||
| Well, the ones that don't get pussy. | ||
| Yeah, they don't want to fuck the guy. | ||
| Listen, when I kidnapped that dude, my partner on the deal, my partner on the deal, the reason, his motivation, like, you know when you go to acting class and they're like, what's your motivation? | ||
| His motivation for the kidnapping was he was dating a chick. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| He was friends with a chick at a strip club that danced naked. | ||
| Her and her husband had a beef. | ||
| He threw her out. | ||
| She loved the guy, but she wouldn't sleep with him because she was Catholic. | ||
| She couldn't sleep with him until she got divorced. | ||
| This guy was giving her all his money. | ||
| It's the guys that don't get the pussy that give the most loot. | ||
| Yeah, it's a story as old as time. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| I want to be into the stripper part of the story, but when you say the time I kidnapped that dude, I can't just let that shit go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you all probably discussed this a thousand times. | |
| That I saw that. | ||
| And when he told me, he came to my house, and he looked at mine, he's like, oh, we gotta kidnap this. | ||
| At that time, it wasn't a kidnapping. | ||
| He's like, we gotta rob this dude. | ||
| I need the money. | ||
| I'm like, what money? | ||
| He told me the story, and I'm like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Did you have, like, red flags going off? | ||
| Right there, yeah. | ||
| He wasn't even robbing it for the good of it. | ||
| You know, he was robbing for a chick so she could get divorced. | ||
| Ooh, here's what gets better. | ||
| He owned a house. | ||
| His mother had a bunch of houses. | ||
| She was a real estate mogul. | ||
| He fucking had her in one of the houses. | ||
| Powerful Doug Benson, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| He had her in one of the houses. | ||
| Free rent. | ||
| He was paying the rent for it. | ||
| That's so common. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Powerful Doug Benson. | ||
| What's up, buddy? | ||
| It's very fucking sad. | ||
| Girls have been doing that to guys forever. | ||
| But guys have been doing that to girls, too, man. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| People get played. | ||
| I think if you want to be a victim, you want to be a victim. | ||
| Some guys want to say, I bought a girl a car and nothing happened. | ||
| Well, it's also that these girls are so out of their league that they're willing to do almost anything. | ||
| And they can't believe these girls are even talking to them. | ||
| I mean, girls are tens, man. | ||
| Incredible body, beautiful tits. | ||
| Look at that ass. | ||
| I can't believe she's sitting on my lap. | ||
| And she's stroking his hair and puts her tits in his face and juggles them back and forth. | ||
| And this dude is gone, man. | ||
| He's in heaven. | ||
| This is closer to heaven than he's ever been. | ||
| Because no girl who ever looked anything like this has ever touched him. | ||
| And no girl's ever really wanted to touch him. | ||
| Some dudes, they go through life without anybody being really passionate about them ever. | ||
| No one's attracted to them. | ||
| They're socially awkward. | ||
| Who knows what kind of fucking weird childhood they had. | ||
| And those girls can do a number on a dude like that. | ||
| There's no way he could stop her. | ||
| Especially when they got a chick sitting on their lap and they're seeing chicks like this sit on dudes' laps in movies. | ||
| And it's like you're just living the movie lifestyle just for a moment. | ||
| You'll pay for anything. | ||
| I can't believe it's real. | ||
| But do you believe there's trained agents who are like chicks in the CIA or trained to get fucked to set people up? | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They've done that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They've gotten people to the point where they were undercover and they had to have sex with people, unquestionably. | ||
| But do you think they train them? | ||
| Do you think there's like a special CIA training center for hot girls to have it? | ||
| Listen, if you're going to fuck this guy, you can't fuck him like an agent. | ||
| You've got to fuck him like you're a crazy bitch and you're a cock monster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Study these videos. | |
| This is a girl named Amberlynn. | ||
| In the 80s, she was a monster. | ||
| Just a cock monster. | ||
| I know this dude that runs a charm school, right? | ||
| So he works with the federal government, like the FBI, to teach the agents how to not get seduced by women. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So what you're saying is real. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Right, because it's a powerful weapon. | ||
| I mean, if you really want to take down a present, you can take down anybody with a woman. | ||
| Yeah, sex is so powerful. | ||
| To someone who can't acquire it, it's like one of the sweetest nectar known. | ||
| If you can acquire it on a regular basis, it loses its power. | ||
| But it's just like getting your heroin fix every day. | ||
| You're like, eh, nothing. | ||
| It's just fucking heroin. | ||
| There's a lot of functional heroin users. | ||
| There's a lot of functional sex addicts. | ||
| You know, when you're involved in that... | ||
| Type of a crime. | ||
| That's why I always laugh when I read about drug busts or something. | ||
| Because what the general public doesn't know, when you have that number, when somebody's selling 80 kilos a fucking month, guess what? | ||
| They don't make that many mistakes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| For an agent to infiltrate them, they have to do something different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like when I was locked up in a federal joint for a couple months, I got to meet people who told me stories about shooting fucking blow with agents. | ||
| The agents cross the line. | ||
| Yeah, the agents get fucked up. | ||
| Well, they have to. | ||
| Once they go to trial, they go to rehab, and then they don't have it in their system. | ||
| So I'm in court yelling, I got hired with Duncan. | ||
| That was a year ago. | ||
| Prove it. | ||
| Prove it. | ||
| But it's amazing. | ||
| That's why you... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I'm going to sell a kilo of coke to a guy who doesn't do coke with me. | ||
| I don't do it. | ||
| I'm a businessman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really. | |
| That's the weird fucking thing, man. | ||
| That's the weird thing, man, where the cop, the CIA agent, or whoever it is, begins to turn into the thing that they're hunting, begins to get sucked into that, and then they're the criminal too. | ||
| Listen, you have to. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| Look, when you go talk to attorneys, if you ever get in trouble, when you go talk to attorneys, you go talk to these dudes that are very book smart. | ||
| The attorney you want is the guy that knows his way around the court system. | ||
| The guy who went to college with the judge, who's gonna cut a deal. | ||
| He went to school with the district attorney. | ||
| You follow me? | ||
| You got these guys that are very book smart. | ||
| Yeah, they know the fucking law and litigation. | ||
| That goes so far. | ||
| It's the motherfuckers that could cut a deal. | ||
| Same thing applies with cops. | ||
| If you're gonna bust a criminal, you gotta become a criminal. | ||
| You gotta think like him. | ||
| That's why these guys, they show you all straight-laced. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| You gotta think like him. | ||
| There's no way a guy that looks like whatever's gonna con you into selling them an ounce of mushrooms. | ||
| You follow me? | ||
| He's going to have to look like fucking Charles Manson. | ||
| He's going to have to eat a couple mushrooms in front of you. | ||
| Then you'll get him an ounce. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| It's common fucking thing. | ||
| How many times have agents had to do acid in front of people just blowing a fucking gas? | ||
| Tons of it. | ||
| Tons of it. | ||
| The CIA used to do acid all that. | ||
| That's how acid got into the United States. | ||
|
unidentified
|
FBI does it. | |
| Local fucking county. | ||
| Listen, they have county sheriff undercovers. | ||
| Those are the filthiest undercovers there are. | ||
| My advice are the filthiest undercovers there are. | ||
| And once you hang somewhere and you see them come in. | ||
| See, when I was in Boulder... | ||
| I went to the Puddle Car Wash. | ||
| So they had a contract with the town. | ||
| They would all come in. | ||
| They would just go around with confiscated cars. | ||
| So if you're a cop in Boulder, if you're a cop in the Boulder Sheriff's Department, you don't arrest people in Boulder. | ||
| You go to the mountains. | ||
| And the undercovers in the mountains come down to Boulder. | ||
| So you're taking, let's say I confiscate Joe Rogan's bad-ass car. | ||
| I'm not going to drive it around Boulder. | ||
| That's dumb. | ||
| People are going to go, that's Joe Rogan's car. | ||
| No, I take that same car and I go to fucking Colorado Springs. | ||
| And I become a cop. | ||
| And that's how they do it. | ||
| They don't take your stuff and use it in the same county. | ||
| I became friends with a lot of those county guys. | ||
| Those county guys had beards. | ||
| They reeked of booze. | ||
| They were out every night. | ||
| It's weird that they can confiscate your shit. | ||
| They confiscate your shit, though. | ||
| I watched an episode of Top Gear, the American version, where they confiscated a Corvette Z06 and they turned it into a cop car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's amazing. | |
| A drug dealer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're in jail watching TV going, that's my car. | ||
| That's your fucking car. | ||
| Guys, it's amazing about this deficit that we have. | ||
| Because if they confiscate all this fucking blow and cash every year, where the fuck does it go? | ||
| Where the fuck does it go? | ||
| Hey, are you from Grove County? | ||
| Yo, Tarzan, you from Grove, Columbus, Grove County High School or something? | ||
| You know what that is? | ||
| In Columbus? | ||
| Worthington. | ||
| Well, you know what Grove is in Columbus? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Grove something? | ||
| I just watched... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Grove City. | |
| Grove City. | ||
| Let me tell you how bad a shape Columbus, Ohio is in Grove City. | ||
| To play high school football, you got to pay $150 a semester as a fucking parent for your son to play in a public school, dog. | ||
| They had to cancel the program. | ||
| The band of Grove City is one of the top five high school bands in the country. | ||
| It don't exist no more. | ||
| Don't exist, Don. | ||
| So you want to talk to me about sending motherfuckers to Mars and shit again? | ||
| You have to pay high school now for your kids to... | ||
| And it's going to be a growing thing across the country because of the fucking school budgets. | ||
| That if your parents... | ||
| If you want to play in high school sports now, by the year 2015, you're going to have to pay for your son to play high school fucking sports, my friends. | ||
| So put that in your pipe and fucking smoke it. | ||
| It's on tonight with Magic. | ||
| If you go home and watch Real Sports, they did a pretty nice thing on Magic motherfucking Johnson. | ||
| They said that's the cover. | ||
| He went from dead man to a fucking gazillionaire. | ||
| He went from a fucking dead man to being a fucking gazillionaire. | ||
| So watch Real Sports on HBO. They always do beautiful fucking things with that shit. | ||
| Pay $150 each parent for each kid. | ||
| Kids, you know, brother, in the city. | ||
| They can't afford it. | ||
| It's ridiculous when you think about how much money gets spent on other shit. | ||
| Garbage. | ||
| You know, there's $6.8 billion is what we spend a month in Afghanistan. | ||
| $6.8 billion. | ||
| 6.8 billion dollars. | ||
| The astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson said that they could come up with some incredible web space telescope. | ||
| The government pulled the plug on it because they didn't have the money. | ||
| They didn't have the money to discover new planets and possibly search for life or figure out what got us here or what could prevent the demise of the world. | ||
| Instead they got all this money for Afghanistan. | ||
| Why are we still in Afghanistan anyway? | ||
| We got Bin Laden. | ||
| What's the deal? | ||
| Well, if you talk to the really crazy people, they say heroin. | ||
| Heroin? | ||
| Yeah, they say heroin. | ||
| The really crazy conspiracy theory guys, they say that it's all a big heroin operation. | ||
| Well, yeah, because if you want to fund black operations, you do it with drug sales because it's untraceable. | ||
| So if the CIA wants to do completely untraceable operations, they just blow, they confiscate it or heroin. | ||
| Well, when we had guys on from Vice, Vice.com, they were just saying that essentially there's no other way. | ||
| It could be happening. | ||
| Because 90 plus percent of the world's opium and heroin comes from Afghanistan. | ||
| And we're in control of that area. | ||
| And there's video footage of soldiers that are actually guarding the fucking poppy fields. | ||
| It's craziness. | ||
| It's like you look at it and you go, this is bizarre shit. | ||
| How is this on television? | ||
| How is this real? | ||
| It's all the shit that people in conspiracy theory chat rooms have been saying forever. | ||
| Well, you got OxyContin. | ||
| What's OxyContin? | ||
| Synthetic heroin. | ||
| You got all these pills that we're losing our minds over are heroin. | ||
| Not to mention, how much of a fucking profit? | ||
| I invest $50,000 in a pound of heroin. | ||
| I can chop that motherfucker up. | ||
| Nobody can make my profits ten times. | ||
| I can walk out of there with $450,000. | ||
| On a fucking kilo of heroin right now today. | ||
| If they could ever really prove that the government has always been selling you heroin... | ||
| Please. | ||
| That would be insane times. | ||
| If you really found that out... | ||
| When you say the government, though, it's not really... | ||
| They're all different branches and shit. | ||
| It's like you can't really blame the FBI if some DEA guys are selling heroin. | ||
| You can't blame the NSA if the CIA is doing something. | ||
| I guess they're kind of all different organizations, but if we found out that one of them was actually... | ||
| Long-term selling heroin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| You know, if you watch... | ||
| Let's say we all seen American Gangsta. | ||
| We all saw the movie American Gangsta. | ||
| How the fuck does a black guy from Harlem... | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Because you're black. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm going to chill. | ||
| This is your shit, Joe. | ||
| If a black guy... | ||
| If a black dude ends up... | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's such a proud moment in black history that you got to fight for the negativity. | ||
| No, he did that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, fuck that, Joey. | ||
| A black man did this shit. | ||
| How does a black dude from Harlem end up in fucking Vietnam cop and heroin, guys? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think that gate and that thing was just made open for him? | ||
| So you're saying he had help. | ||
| You think that that was? | ||
| No. | ||
| Somebody comes up here and goes, hey, fuck the Guineas. | ||
| I know where to get some fucking heroin for sure. | ||
| We're going to take you to Thailand. | ||
| Yeah, let's go to fucking Thailand. | ||
| Not only just to Thailand and into the city, but into the jungles where they fucking process it. | ||
| You got to be a wild. | ||
| A white dude, a black dude is going to go in there just like that. | ||
| That's what you're trying to tell me. | ||
| And come back and go in with 200 million cash. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what you're trying to tell me. | ||
| So he did that alone. | ||
| And I'm not taking away nothing from no black dude. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| There's no winningness if I fight for this. | ||
| A brother wouldn't go nowhere with 200 G's. | ||
| He got 200 G's. | ||
| I got nowhere to go, dog. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'll sit here to this 200 G's. | ||
| 200 million, whatever the fuck he took over there. | ||
| That's a wild way to live your life, man. | ||
| A lot of people don't believe that story anyway. | ||
| No, they don't? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, for real. | ||
| There's people disputing it in Harlem. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| What are they saying? | ||
| They're saying Frank Lucas didn't do that, and they just say he was a chauffeur. | ||
| There's people that downplay him. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, he's a chauffeur. | ||
| He didn't do that. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| There was three or two of those motherfuckers. | ||
| There was two or three of those motherfuckers that ran Harlem in the 50s and 60s. | ||
| And all they were were the same thing as my father. | ||
| My real father came from Cuba. | ||
| They needed a fucking face to go in there. | ||
| You know, fucking Cubans ain't gonna buy from no Jew. | ||
| And the fucking Guineas aren't going to, the blacks ain't going to buy from no Italians. | ||
| So they took this fucking, they took a couple black guys and they made them. | ||
| They said, listen, we'll cut you 30%. | ||
| 30% of $500,000 profit, that's a lot of fucking money when you live on the fifth floor of a fucking building, dog. | ||
| That's $150,000 a month, you know, times three or four. | ||
| So they became pipelines to the black community. | ||
| There was no genius there. | ||
| The Guineas came to them, they cut it 50 fucking times, and they gave it to the brothers, and the brothers cut it. | ||
| Then they fucking sold it. | ||
| If you went to New York and you grew up here, how many motherfuckers did you see nodding at the light? | ||
| That's why I buy my Coke from white people. | ||
| I'm not putting my shit up. | ||
| Ian Edwards comic on Twitter, you dirty bitches. | ||
| Follow him. | ||
| Follow Duncan Trussell on Twitter. | ||
| T-R-U-S-S-E-L. We've got to end this. | ||
| This has been going on for three hours. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Joe Diaz is on Twitter. | ||
| Mad Flavor. | ||
| Mad Flavor. | ||
| M-A-D Flavor. | ||
| Thank you to Ting. | ||
| Thanks for sponsoring this podcast. | ||
| And if you go to rogan.ting.com, you can sign up and save 50 bucks off of any of the smartphones they have available. | ||
| It's an awesome service. | ||
| You don't have to have contracts. | ||
| You can cancel them anytime you want. | ||
| And you still walk away a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Your money's... | ||
| Safer with them. | ||
| It rolls over. | ||
| If you don't use your minutes, it rolls over into the next month. | ||
| You can have multiple people. | ||
| Yeah, they have a lot of good deals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't know how to roll over. | |
| That's even better. | ||
| Yeah, and they also have, say if you and I had two lines, we could put them on one account and we could split the numbers. | ||
| Say if you have a family and you want to get a phone for your wife or your girlfriend or whatever or some son that won't leave your fucking house and you've got to pay for this little fucking puke, get them a phone. | ||
| Show's over, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We lost a lot of ambition. | ||
| Lost a lot of energy in this room. | ||
| Feel it? | ||
| Joe Diaz walked out and it was just a fucking vacuum. | ||
| He took the love with us. | ||
| Thanks to Onnit.com for sponsoring us. | ||
| Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use a code named ROGAN and you will save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| And thank you to everybody who comes to these shows and everybody who came this weekend in North Carolina. | ||
| Duncan and I had a great fucking time. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| That shit was magical, right? | ||
| Yeah, that was the best. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| Deathsquad.tv, go get yourself some kitty cat shirts by the great Brian Redman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come see me and Brendan and Tony in Columbus, Ohio. | |
| Columbus, Ohio, November 10th, folks, at the Woodlands Tavern. | ||
| So go and check that out. | ||
| And if you've never seen Brendan Walsh, he's a fucking brilliant comedian. | ||
| Very, very funny guy. | ||
| And of course, Brian is a silly bitch and very funny on stage as well. | ||
| And Tony Hinchcliffe is an up-and-comer, very funny kid. | ||
| He's a really good writer. | ||
| I really, really, really like that kid. | ||
| He's actually opening up for Jeff Garland right now. | ||
| Bam, son! | ||
| See what I said? | ||
| Don't fucking doubt me, goddammit. | ||
| Doug Benson is in the house, ladies and gentlemen, even though he didn't talk. | ||
| Powerful Doug Benson. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Thanks for being here, buddy. | ||
| Just saying hi, man. | ||
| I'm just letting the folks know that you're here. | ||
| You affected this room with your mere presence. | ||
| Desquad.tv, go get yourself some cats, cat t-shirts. | ||
| Get yourself... | ||
| And also recognize where the shows are taking place. | ||
| You can find out about Ice House shows and all that good stuff. | ||
| And we have shows here pretty regularly. | ||
| We're going to do them like Bob, the owner of the Ice House, asked me to do shows here on a regular basis on Wednesday. | ||
| So that's what we're going to try to do. | ||
| So, that's it, you fucking freaks. | ||
| We'll see you tomorrow with Amber Lyon. | ||
| And Brian, when does Kevin Pereira start? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Noon tomorrow. | |
| And we actually have Seaman on tomorrow. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Talking about the NWA. Oh, that's going to be intense. | |
| Straight out of Compton! | ||
| We're going to be talking about NWA. We say thanks all the time, folks, but we can't say it enough. | ||
| This has been a very strange ride, especially this last year or so of this podcast. | ||
| It's a very strange experience, and don't think that we ever take it for granted. | ||
| Duncan and I talk about it on the phone all the time. | ||
| We're always constantly laughing about it. | ||
| Brian and I talk about it. | ||
| This is a weird time for all of us, but we appreciate the fuck out of all of it. | ||
| And all these people that come to these shows, the enthusiasm, the positivity, the friendliness, we're blessed. | ||
| We're just lucky as fuck. | ||
| And we're not stopping. | ||
| We're going to keep doing this. | ||
| Don't ever worry. | ||
| We're not going away. | ||
| We're going to move forward, press on, get bigger and better, and introduce more cool motherfuckers to you, like Ian Edwards, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Alright, you fucking freaks. |
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