May 23, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:26:01
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Free. | ||
| You can't hold that pussy over my head. | ||
| Because I don't need it right now. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| So now I see someone annoying. | ||
| I see someone annoying that I don't want to be around. | ||
| That's pretty good for Dead Squad because Weight Watchers has a motto. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| If you're not hungry enough for an apple, you ain't fucking hungry. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Which makes all the sense in the world. | ||
| Really? | ||
| If you're not hungry enough for an apple, you ain't fucking hungry. | ||
| That's a weird motto. | ||
| Do they use the word fucking in that motto? | ||
| No, I just dropped it in there for effect. | ||
| But it's funny, like, they should have a motto for if you still want to go fuck a crack hole and get blow after you've whacked off, then go. | ||
| I don't think you'll find the energy. | ||
| Once you whack off and cut your legs right off, if you sit there for 30, like, if you come to me and go, dog, I need $300, I'm gonna go kill a crack hole and get some coke and... | ||
| What would a heavyweight title fight look like if, like, say if you watch a boxing match, and then halfway into the boxing match, there's like a three, like at the third round, there's a break, and some hot chick comes in and blows a dude. | ||
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unidentified
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And then after he shoots his nut, he's got to go out and fight the next three rounds. | |
| It would be interesting to watch, you know, like how many dudes fought well after they ejaculated and how many dudes just completely fell apart, just turned all up. | ||
| Because that takes the fucking fire out of it. | ||
| That's what, what does he say? | ||
| Women, weak, and legs. | ||
| Women, weak, and legs rock. | ||
| Well, they say that when you do it for seven days, when you abstain from ejaculation by seven days, your testosterone can go up, I think it's as high as 50%. | ||
| But it normalizes after that. | ||
| And then it's like, well, this loser just doesn't get any pussy. | ||
| Let's just stop making loads. | ||
| And then your body stops making as many loads. | ||
| Like, apparently, your body consistently makes loads as long as you're using them. | ||
| Like, that's the idea behind it. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I keep pumping, you keep fucking humping. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Anyway, the Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by, I think we covered the Fleshlight in that, didn't we? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, I think Fleshlights are awesome, fuck. | |
| Yeah, go fuck those. | ||
| On it, makers of AlphaBrain. | ||
| What's AlphaBrain? | ||
| It's a nootropic. | ||
| Vitamins for your noggin. | ||
| It's essentially a bunch of select herbs and vitamins that have been known to enhance cognitive function. | ||
| It's a very controversial subject. | ||
| I believe in it. | ||
| I've been taking these long before we ever endorsed Alpha Brain. | ||
| I took a bunch of stuff. | ||
| And oh, I've been in contact with Mr. Romanowski, Bill Romanowski, through Twitter. | ||
| He's the guy that invented Neuro One. | ||
| He's a famous football player. | ||
| And that's how I got into Nootropics, is Neuro One. | ||
| If you're at a store and you ever see that, it's an awesome blend that he put together. | ||
| Alpha Brain, it's all very similar. | ||
| It's all designed to stimulate your brain's production of neurotransmitters. | ||
| And it just makes me feel like I can put sentences together better. | ||
| I feel like a little bit smoother. | ||
| You know, it's not like limitless. | ||
| It's not going to turn you into a genius if you're a moron. | ||
| But it does work. | ||
| And there's a 100% money back guarantee for the first 30 pills. | ||
| You don't even have to return the product. | ||
| You just say this stuff didn't work and we give you your money back. | ||
| We're trying as hard as humanly possible to not rip anybody off and sell really high quality stuff that I believe in. | ||
| Shroom Tech Sport is the one that I talk about that I take every time I work out. | ||
| It's the shit. | ||
| It gives you tremendous energy. | ||
| It's all vitamin B12 and cordyceps mushrooms. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things ever, like supplements for a pre-workout. | ||
| There's Shroom Tech Immune and there's 5-HTP enhanced with L-tryptophan. | ||
| It's called New Mood. | ||
| All the stuff is explained on Onnit.com. | ||
| And again, everything is 100% money back guarantee for the first order. | ||
| You don't even have to return the product, just say it sucks. | ||
| And use the code name ROGAN and save yourself 10%. | ||
| Alright ladies and gentlemen, the official beginning is now. | ||
| Thanks to C2O Coconut Water for hooking us up. | ||
|
unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Dude, I drank some dishwater coconut water yesterday. | ||
| I found there's a big difference in coconut water. | ||
| Yes, there is. | ||
| We found this out with C2O, the company. | ||
| Those guys came to visit us at Brea when we were at the Improv. | ||
| And they said the Thai coconuts are what you want. | ||
| It's like a short tree. | ||
| It's only like a five-foot tree or something like that. | ||
| And it's not like what we think of these giant palm trees with coconuts. | ||
| It's not like that. | ||
| It's a shorter tree and it's like a sweeter coconut. | ||
| But all those cans go fucking sour anyway. | ||
| They all go sour. | ||
| They all go fucking sour. | ||
| Zima, CO2, I got them at the house. | ||
| So tell them to blow that smoke up somebody else's ass. | ||
| That's why I finally tapped out and I got a little Mexican on violin and fucking right there. | ||
| Four dollars. | ||
| He gives me the whole fucking coconut food right there. | ||
| For an extra three, if you do blood, he'll trim it around like a margarita with coke. | ||
| Stop with those cans of shit because they all go fucking sour. | ||
| There's a great place called... | ||
| They all go fucking south. | ||
| In LA, there's a great place called Press Juicery, and they deliver them to your house. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| Delicious. | ||
| And they deliver fresh coconut water from you. | ||
| That's the only way to drink coconut water, Doug. | ||
| I gave up. | ||
| It tastes so much better. | ||
| I gave up. | ||
| It tastes so much better when it's, like, right fresh and raw, like, out of the fruit. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I got a case from the CO2, and it's fucking all sour. | ||
| C2O? Yeah, it's all fucking sour. | ||
|
unidentified
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And the one before that was fucking sour, too. | |
| Stop! | ||
| They're in the refrigerator. | ||
| I've never drank it once that was sour. | ||
| I'll put some sugar in it. | ||
| When that coconut goes a little fucking sideways... | ||
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unidentified
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What are you doing with those cans? | |
| Sometimes you just put a little sugar in there, and you dope it up with some ice cubes and you shake it up. | ||
| Sometimes if it's warm up... | ||
| Bro, trust me. | ||
| I was drinking coconut water when you were in Columbus fucking drinking Coca-Cola. | ||
| Out of a red can, cocksucker. | ||
| I was going to Puerto Rico in the fucking 70s. | ||
| When you could buy the big fucking coconuts, there was no Thai around. | ||
| In 1970, there was no Thai food. | ||
| There was no Thais around, so knock it off with the Thai trees. | ||
| When did the Thais get here? | ||
| In fucking like 78 after kickboxing, after kickboxing 1. That's when they fucking showed up. | ||
| When I got to this country, it was Chinese, a couple fucking Japs, and a couple fucking Koreans. | ||
| Don't start that shit. | ||
| The tie came later. | ||
| Later on, all dark and shit. | ||
| Creepy looking, whatever the fuck. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Fucking dark skin. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck they are. | ||
| I don't know if they have Puerto Rican or they're fucking Chinese. | ||
| When the ties came along, the whole porno industry got tossed on its head. | ||
| Fuck yeah, those ties are filthy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Those chicks are animals. | |
| Before the ties came around, look, not even ties, but there was some sort of an Asian invasion that happened. | ||
| Because before that, it was very rare that you see Asian porn stars. | ||
| That is like a gang of them. | ||
| And I love it. | ||
| I love to see dirty Asian bitches. | ||
| Except those really dirty ones. | ||
| Some of the dirtiest ones ever. | ||
| Do you have that one on your podcast? | ||
| One of the podcasts? | ||
| Was it the Naughty Show? | ||
|
unidentified
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Asa Akira. | |
| Is she nasty? | ||
| She's beautiful too. | ||
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unidentified
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Look at the one with her. | |
| I can't watch those, man. | ||
| She gets brutalized. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Oh, gagged and tied up and face fucked. | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You can't just do... | ||
| Something happens somewhere along the line. | ||
| You know, and I'm doing that Dave Attell show today, Dave's Old Porn. | ||
| I'm doing that right after I get out of here. | ||
| We sit down like mystery science theater style in front of an old porno film and you like mock it and make fun of it and pick it apart. | ||
| But those old shows, they were completely different. | ||
| You watch like an old porn, it was just people that got together and then they had sex. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It was like, it seemed so innocent in comparison. | ||
| Let's get down to basics. | ||
| You've been a fucking horny cocksucker all your life. | ||
| When was the last time you watched, what was the first time you watched porn? | ||
| I want you to explain to people, and how did you watch it? | ||
| First time you discovered porn, break it down for me right now. | ||
| The first time I discovered video porn, like a real porn, like on cassette, it was my dad. | ||
| A cassette? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| A VHS. A VHS cassette. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, let me tell you how long I fucking discovered it when it used to come to your house real to real. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| So for $8.95, you ordered it. | ||
| And somebody had to stay home from school. | ||
| Explain reel-to-reel to me. | ||
| Reel-to-reel was, you actually, if you ordered, $22 worth of porn. | ||
| Each porn reel was $1.99. | ||
| And this was when porn was just disgusting. | ||
| When it was just to the point where after that, either you became a freak or you fucking said, I don't even want to see that again. | ||
| That's what happened to me. | ||
| So what happened was for $19, not even, guys, I'm exaggerating. | ||
| For $12.95, you got three movies and a mini projector, Brian, in the mail. | ||
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unidentified
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A mini projector! | |
| A mini projector, in the mail. | ||
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unidentified
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I remember this show. | |
| So you had to fucking stay home. | ||
| It was right next to the ad for, do you get some kick sand in your face? | ||
| Do you remember that ad with the kick sand? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You went home, you sent Joe Weed at $3, and he sent you the whole muscle building chart. | ||
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unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Not the weights, but he also sent you a trophy. | ||
| You know how many of those trophies I had? | ||
| How many? | ||
| About 92 of them. | ||
| Just had to do a push-up. | ||
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unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I didn't do a push-up. | ||
| I just kept ordering Joe Weider. | ||
| So you had to fucking put the reel to reel. | ||
| Correct, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Tape it to the thing. | ||
| You had to do everything in those days. | ||
| You were the editor. | ||
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unidentified
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You had a splicer. | |
| You had a splicer? | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| You had to put a sheet on your wall and hope that nobody came home until you got the sheet off the fucking wall. | ||
| For me, my buddies brought it over and we put the sheet in the attic. | ||
| And we all got together. | ||
| We smoked like a joint between seven of us. | ||
| And we were all excited to see this porn. | ||
| And it starts like ten, nine, eight. | ||
| And they showed this chick taking a piece of bread, putting a guy's cock. | ||
| And this was way before. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck they were doing to make these chicks do this shit in the 70s. | ||
| It wasn't heroin because he was awake. | ||
| She put the piece of bread, the guy's dick on the piece of bread, put Miracle Whip on it. | ||
| I'll never forget that memory. | ||
| And it wasn't even Wonder Bread. | ||
| It's that square fucking bread they give you like in county jail. | ||
| And the bitch put it and she bit into the guy's dick. | ||
| And I remember that me and my five little sixth grade friends looked at each other. | ||
| And that was the end of the fucking... | ||
| I don't know if we came in our pants. | ||
| I don't know if we were just mortified. | ||
| We never watched another porno again. | ||
| That was the end for me. | ||
| But when the film broke, I remember you had to stop. | ||
| Correct, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| You had to stop whacking off and put the film back together. | ||
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unidentified
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Yeah, and it stuck because it wasn't like it was just like put the two pieces together. | |
| You had to first trim and cut like a perfect cut. | ||
| Then you had to put it in the splicer and get this tape. | ||
| And you got a boner and you're sitting there rubbing it. | ||
| Oh, porn was tough. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| Porn was tough, dog. | ||
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unidentified
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You had to work for it. | |
| That's why you had to work. | ||
| Remember when they would have stag films that they would show at bachelor parties? | ||
| At bachelor parties they would show stag films. | ||
| Like guys would get together and they would show films of people fucking. | ||
| And they would call them stag films. | ||
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unidentified
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But it was just porn. | |
| It was porn. | ||
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unidentified
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There was nothing different. | |
| But that's what they called it. | ||
| They called them stag films. | ||
| And they would show them at stag parties. | ||
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unidentified
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Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| How gross of that? | ||
| I can never even. | ||
| Then I went to a theater in Jersey. | ||
| Like one day my friend's like, Sunday nights they do this shit up in Jersey, dirty movies. | ||
| And you sit in the theater and watch it with other people? | ||
| That is disgusting. | ||
| That is the lowest point, but it's not even low. | ||
| Because you don't know. | ||
| You're 16. You figure, let's go have a few beers. | ||
| It's not gross until you go to the bathroom. | ||
| And you go to piss in the urinal. | ||
| And some guy just happens to pop out of store number two. | ||
| And he just stands next to you like he's looking for flowers. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| And when you fucking shake your dick, he's staring at your dick. | ||
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unidentified
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Oh, God. | |
| And then you go back to your seat. | ||
| You tell your friends, when I went to the bathroom, there was some pervert in there. | ||
| You go back to the bathroom, you take your dick out. | ||
| Again, boom! | ||
| He bumps out of stall number two, and he's sitting next to you. | ||
| I mean, it would be so fucking creepy, the whole lifestyle. | ||
| There's a lot of dudes that are just into that. | ||
| What is it about sexuality that's so creepy? | ||
| Is it because it's so repressed? | ||
| But what is it about, like, that one desire that's so, like, gross? | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's just so undesirable. | ||
| Like, the idea. | ||
| Sexuality. | ||
| Like, the idea of you sitting in a room, like, that's a part of sexuality. | ||
| You sitting in a room, like, beating off to videos of people fucking, like, a bunch of other people in the room, too, and they're all like... | ||
| Like, looking up all together, like, what the fuck? | ||
| Why is that so creepy? | ||
| I don't know, but it is. | ||
| You know, if everyone was in there eating, fulfilling that desire, there's no issue. | ||
| There's nothing creepy about it. | ||
| You'd be in a room with a bunch of people, everybody's eating a sandwich, and there's no problems. | ||
| You know, we're all filling that desire, no issue. | ||
| Now, go back to that. | ||
| But a sexuality issue... | ||
| It's very private and very creepy. | ||
| Even though everybody does it, it's kind of mysterious. | ||
| So to sit in some room full of a bunch of people and everyone just openly admitting that we beat off and all sitting there together. | ||
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unidentified
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Oh, no, no. | |
| Beating off in front of somebody else? | ||
| That's what they're all doing, man. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| That's what they're doing at those theaters. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, no. | ||
| When they go to those theaters, they're not just watching the film and critiquing it. | ||
| Wow, her ass is huge. | ||
| How does she get all those dicks in there? | ||
| How do you fucking whack off at the movie theater watching the theater? | ||
| That's how Pee Wee Herman got arrested, remember? | ||
| Which is hilarious, man. | ||
| How the fuck do you get arrested for beating off at one of those fuck theaters? | ||
| Isn't that what you're supposed to do? | ||
| Aren't you supposed to beat off there? | ||
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unidentified
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No, I don't think you're supposed to beat off. | |
| I think you have private rooms, like whack-off rooms, and bookstores are different. | ||
| The whole thing is ridiculous. | ||
| You know what's going on. | ||
| You're showing people blowing people, and you're getting upset because someone beats off in the crowd? | ||
| Look at your product. | ||
| Think of the 70s in New York. | ||
| What was the name of that club? | ||
| Where people went and paid money. | ||
| Sarah's Retreat. | ||
| Devil's Retreat. | ||
| Something's Retreat. | ||
| Play-Doh's Retreat. | ||
| Play-Doh's Retreat. | ||
| And what was that? | ||
| It was a sex club in the 70s and early 80s where you paid, you know, a thousand bucks the door and you went in there and you fucked 85,000 fucking people. | ||
| Play-Doh's Retreat. | ||
| You know, the thing that always got me about sex that... | ||
| You know, I've been addicted to drugs, so I understand the addiction is when I would get off the bus on 48th Street at 7.45 to go to work selling cars, and I would come home and roll a joint. | ||
| I would smoke it right there on 42nd Street. | ||
| I would just sit there and watch, not guys like you and I, but guys that had families, guys with suits on and a tie, that before they have to go on with their day, they would have to go into a peep show. | ||
| And you know who I would see a lot of? | ||
| And I'm not here to insult anybody. | ||
| I'd see a lot of Hasidic Jews. | ||
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unidentified
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Really? | |
| A lot of Hasids would fucking run in there with their black on and their hats. | ||
| Where the Laugh Factory is today. | ||
| Where the Laugh Factory was in Manhattan. | ||
| That was originally a strip club on that whole corner. | ||
| That was strip club fucking world. | ||
| Not even strip club. | ||
| Beep shows where people fucking the circle and all that stuff. | ||
| But I remember I would sit outside of that. | ||
| You know, because you have to cross that street. | ||
| And I would just sit there and watch people. | ||
| And go, what would make somebody jump out of a train? | ||
| You could see them, like I used to leave the store to have to go get a half gram of Coke. | ||
| There's nothing else on your mind but that Coke. | ||
| I would see them walking off, walking outside 8th Avenue, Fucking walking left, and you could see their body language. | ||
| They weren't going to stop until they got to a fuck show to see some guy fuck a big, flat, black chick in the middle of a room, and some chick comes up to you with a tit, and you could suck it. | ||
| Here's this guy that has a family that lives in the suburbs, you know, from Jersey or Queens. | ||
| That's what always fucked me up. | ||
| Like, that's their fucking freak. | ||
| That's their freak. | ||
| My freak was doing two bumps and wagging off till 4 in the morning. | ||
| Theirs was... | ||
| Going right off the bus at 6 in the fucking morning to see two people fucking. | ||
| I remember the first time I ever bought porn, you had to go to an adult bookstore if you wanted to buy videos. | ||
| You could go to some video stores, like Blockbuster wouldn't carry them, but some mom and pop video stores. | ||
| Of course, you'd have to go through... | ||
| Saloon doors. | ||
| You'd have to go through saloon doors. | ||
| Or you'd go through beads. | ||
| But one time I went to an actual porn store to buy it. | ||
| And I remember thinking, really clearly thinking, don't fucking look at anybody. | ||
| Just get through this. | ||
| Go. | ||
| Go. | ||
| Find what you need. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| We're not here for small talk. | ||
| Like, I'm not one of these people. | ||
| I just need some... | ||
| I don't want to be like... | ||
| And then I started thinking about them. | ||
| Like, who are one of these people? | ||
| Like, you think about people that visit porn shops. | ||
| You go, ugh. | ||
| You know... | ||
| I don't want to hang out with any of those people. | ||
| People that go to visit porn shops. | ||
| Wait a minute, but I've visited a porn shop. | ||
| Why is it so creepy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But the instinct automatically is that it is. | ||
| Taking care of your sexuality, especially yourself. | ||
| It seems like such a selfish, creepy, rat-like thing to do. | ||
| Just sitting there watching videos. | ||
| No drama, though. | ||
| No drama. | ||
| No drama. | ||
| You're whacking them. | ||
| Maybe some people are disillusioned from the world. | ||
| Maybe they just want to tap out for a while and going home putting a wig on and jerking off is fucking what they're into. | ||
| That's the beauty about what we do, that everybody's into something fucking different. | ||
| I understand somebody going to a porn store every day, because I go to the weed store every day. | ||
| So what's the fucking difference correlation in my head? | ||
| Well, the porn thing to me is fascinating because like porn girls, like there's like a huge number, a huge percentage of them who have had bad things happen to them when they were kids. | ||
| You know, a lot of traumatic like sexual type shit. | ||
| And it's not all of them, but it's a lot of them. | ||
| And so you get to look at it and go, this is crazy. | ||
| Like this is a whole industry That was created in many ways because of abuse. | ||
| And then that industry is something that feeds, you know, through these online videos, millions and billions of people. | ||
| But we're all supposed to, like, feel bad about it. | ||
| It's a weird sort of undercover, creepy thing. | ||
| You know, you couldn't go into business meetings and talk about your favorite porn sites. | ||
| You know, you can't just go there and, like, what are you guys doing? | ||
| You still going to U-Porn, you fucking noobs? | ||
| You know, hey, come on, you gotta check out, you know, XYZ, upyourassvideos.com, or, you know, All Asians, or whatever the fuck website it is. | ||
| There's, like, a hundred thousand, like, free porn websites online. | ||
| But you can't talk about them. | ||
| Everybody goes to work, and they just go, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| If you brought it up, you could get in trouble. | ||
| Like, if you shared that information with someone that you work with, you know, if like, what sites do you go to? | ||
| Oh, you know, mostly like fashion and baby sites, and what sites do you go to? | ||
|
unidentified
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Have you been to E-Fucked? | |
| I think it's called. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
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It's E-F... U-C-T? U-K-T. What is it? | |
| It's just like fucked up porn videos. | ||
| You know, it's kind of like old style project, but like that kind of feel. | ||
| But like, you know, the first one is this girl who's 18 has a whole hand in her vagina and getting fucked in the ass at the same time. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
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unidentified
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And if you just look at the front page at all the crazy videos. | |
| But anyways, that's my new favorite porn... | ||
| Shit. | ||
| It's just, the abuse porn is very strange. | ||
| This is what I was saying about watching like porn from like the 70s and the 80s. | ||
| They just had sex. | ||
| That's all they did. | ||
| I mean, they got together and then they had sex. | ||
| Like porn of today, it's like there's some really nutty things they're doing, man. | ||
| There's a lot of joking and gagging and fucking spitting on each other, spitting in mouths and stuff. | ||
| When we were in Ohio, me and Joey Diaz were in Ohio, I was over at my friend Shane's house because he had a baby, and Shane was showing me that he got the Playboy of the month and year that he was born, the issue, which was in 1974. And there was this person on there that, the centerfold, was the most beautiful woman ever, and I'm like obsessed with her now. | ||
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unidentified
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Her name is Marilyn Lang. | |
| It's M-A-R-I-L-Y-N, Lang, L-A-N-G-E. What do you do? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Are you a stalker? | ||
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unidentified
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No, no, no. | |
| What's happening? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| But it was before implants. | ||
| It was so weird seeing Playboy that always used to be all natural women curves and boobs and stuff. | ||
| When did it become all bleach blonde? | ||
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unidentified
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Early 80s, right? | |
| All big boobs. | ||
|
unidentified
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Was it early 80s? | |
| Late 70s? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's amazing when you look at the evolution of the tit. | ||
| If you really look at a Playboy from 1969, you go, wow, even the fucking nipples were rounded, they were pointier. | ||
| You know, it's really weird what a woman looked like. | ||
| We've had this discussion before about the women of the 70s, you know, Natalie Wood, the crazy one that Steve McQueen was married to, Ally McGraw, I shouldn't call her crazy. | ||
| It wasn't her fault he smacked her to death on the fucking movie set. | ||
| But it's just you see those women and you see the women down. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know if there's a difference. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, I think it's more exercise today and plastic surgery, for sure. | ||
| Plastic surgery. | ||
| It's weird where unnatural looking tits are normal. | ||
| Look at this fucking animal behind you. | ||
| She busted the scene. | ||
| She really did. | ||
| Pamela Anderson really... | ||
| And everybody in this room says, yeah, she's gross. | ||
| But at one time, you did look at this bitch and say, God damn! | ||
| She's hot as fuck in that picture, no doubt. | ||
| Yeah, she's hot as fuck. | ||
| But it is weird that we're looking at... | ||
| Those aren't really her tits. | ||
| Those are water bags under the skin. | ||
| There's a big surgical incision. | ||
| They stuff water bags under her skin, and it stretches it out to make, like, the nipples extend further and make the whole thing unnaturally tight and, you know, and swollen. | ||
| It's really kind of fucking crazy. | ||
| But you could tell that bitch's got good pussy. | ||
| You could tell she's got good pussy. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Dr. Zhivago pussy. | ||
| How weird are the fake tits? | ||
| They're weird as fuck, man. | ||
| It's a crazy thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think that's a fake nipple. | |
| Or button. | ||
| No, that's a button, silly Billy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's just placed too perfectly. | |
| Oh, you shut your pie down. | ||
| Yeah, she probably has a super pussy. | ||
| You know, when it comes to porn, I don't really... | ||
| When I worked at Captain Video, I worked at a video store in Aspen, Colorado for a while. | ||
| And they used to have, like, porn in those days. | ||
| In those sections, they had 12 boxes. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like a video store had maybe six releases. | ||
| One of those releases were the Lynn sisters. | ||
| And I brought them home and get coked up with my girlfriend. | ||
| The Lynn sisters? | ||
| You know, Amber Lynn and Georgia Lynn or Lynn Lynn. | ||
| Oh, Ginger Lynn. | ||
| Ginger Lynn. | ||
| And then the other one was when that girl was busting out in the scene. | ||
| The one that was 14 and they let her find out she was 13. Like, I seen her movies. | ||
| Were you talking about Tracy Lourdes? | ||
| Tracy Lourdes. | ||
| Yeah, I think she was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
14. She was 18. There's one video that you can get, I think, where she's 18. Well, she did one called Tracy Does Japan. | |
| Where she sticks a fucking octopus up a fucking pussy. | ||
| Come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you serious? | |
| She did that? | ||
| Yeah, she was fucking crazy. | ||
| She put an octopus over his head? | ||
| Oh, I don't think you're right, Joey. | ||
| Gotta look it up. | ||
| Tracy does Tokyo, dog. | ||
| You don't forget shit like that. | ||
| You know me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta find out about this. | |
| She was the original Tentacles? | ||
| Yeah, she was the... | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Because they were all trying to live up to the Led Zeppelin thing, but Tracy does... | ||
| What's the Led Zeppelin thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Zeppelin used to put octopus... | |
| In Seattle, they shoved a shark up some chick's pussy in Seattle. | ||
| They were an orgy, dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| A little baby shark. | ||
| Yeah, Zeppelin was the real deal, dog. | ||
| Check one of the freak and there's a list freak, motherfucker. | ||
| It's in a couple books. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh man, I gotta see this now. | |
| But Tracy did Tokyo. | ||
| There's an intro online. | ||
| You have to get it. | ||
| You gotta get the original fucking cut, the whole thing. | ||
| But Tracy Does Tokyo was when she went on. | ||
| And that was the last porn I watched. | ||
| It doesn't say anything about octopus up a girl's pussy. | ||
| It's not gonna tell you. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's not gonna tell you. | ||
| She gets in this toilet and she puts it up her wiggles. | ||
| And I remember sitting in that room. | ||
| Because I used to... | ||
| You know how in those days you always had a movie on in the video store? | ||
| I was so crazy. | ||
| I'd put a fucking porn on. | ||
| And when people would come in with kids, I'd turn it the fuck off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, I was living in another fucking dimension then. | ||
| So I remember putting it out and going, look at this, guys. | ||
| And I thought it was disgusting. | ||
| You know, I wasn't into that much of... | ||
| All that craziness. | ||
| Dog, my experience of porn is boogie nights. | ||
| This movie's online. | ||
| It's like the parts of it that aren't sex are online. | ||
| Yeah, dog, this is a wild fucking movie. | ||
| You know I ain't gonna drop bullshit. | ||
| Now, whenever I come here and drop fucked up knowledge, I don't know nothing about porn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I know that. | |
| Isn't it crazy that Tracy Lourdes was like 16? | ||
| 16? | ||
| Look at those pictures. | ||
| She's doing just hardcore. | ||
| Hard fucking core. | ||
| Hard core. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got an idea. | |
| Let's buy the movie and all masturbate in front of each other to it on the podcast. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that you can say that there's something wrong? | ||
| Like what she did. | ||
| There's something wrong. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I mean, she obviously knew how to fuck. | ||
| She obviously looked like she should be getting fucked. | ||
| Right? | ||
| All the above. | ||
| All the pieces were in place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you think that though if you never saw her get fucked though? | |
| I mean, if she was just a fucking girl at Jamba Juice, you probably wouldn't think What kind of numbers? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What do you mean, what numbers world? | ||
| I think, you know, she obviously wears a lot of makeup in her videos. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That was what you were supposed to look like 30 years ago. | ||
| Look at those haircuts. | ||
| If you saw her when she was, you know, with no makeup and 16, dressed like a 16-year-old, you'd probably go, oh, that's like a young kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like that little Ramsey kid. | |
| It's a weird thing where it's like, what is the right year? | ||
| Like, no one agrees. | ||
| Like, some countries, it's like 16. Some parts of the world, it's 13. Some parts of this country, I think, it might be, like, really young. | ||
| You know, like, whatever the age of consent is. | ||
| I think most of them are leaning towards at least 17 now. | ||
| What do you think, as a parent, and as when you had sex at your age? | ||
| How old were you the first time you seen a fucking pussy? | ||
| Were you ready? | ||
| Were you really fucking ready? | ||
| I mean, I'm talking to you man to man. | ||
| Were you ready? | ||
| Yeah, I was okay. | ||
| I mean, I handled it. | ||
| It wasn't that big a deal. | ||
| But I think for kids, you know, for kids fucking around with kids, there's a different age. | ||
| You know, like, you can say the age of consent is 18. And if the age of consent is 18, that's, you know, that makes sense to me. | ||
| Because, I mean, 17-year-olds can still make out with each other. | ||
| You know, like, there should be, like, an age buffer where, like, an 18-year-old boyfriend... | ||
| Who's been with a girl since, you know, they were 16 and 14. She'd still be allowed to bang her, like, once he turns 19. Like, they've been boyfriend and girlfriend for three years. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, why can't they bang anymore just because he hit some magic number and she hasn't hit it yet? | ||
| That doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
| And there is a lot of that. | ||
| There's a lot of banging at 14. There's a lot of banging. | ||
| You bang the 14... | ||
| A lot of banging at 15, banging at 16. I banged a little bit at 14. I sucked some titties. | ||
| You know, were you ready for? | ||
| A lot of hand jobs. | ||
| Were you fucking ready for? | ||
| You know, the girl I was doing all that shit with is kind of retarded. | ||
| I looked at her Facebook page. | ||
| She's got a fucking ninja suit on. | ||
| She wasn't ready to see my Cuban egg roll at fucking 14. You know, I mean, then you have to refer to yourself as a parent. | ||
| what age do i think my son or my daughter is ready to fuck around the real question is what age can a man fuck your daughter that's the real question that's the real question because it's not can a 16 year old boy fuck a 16 year old girl yeah of course they can can a 17 year old boy fucking 16 year old girl i guess so can an 18 year old boy fuck a 16 year old girl yeah if she's mature can a No. | ||
| Can a 20-year-old... | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It starts getting exponentially creepier. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And who's the judge of that? | |
| Somebody in Kentucky probably thinks it's completely different, like it's 7 and 40. Yeah, there should be some sort of a standard, but I mean... | ||
| At a certain point in time, I just gotta let it go. | ||
| When are you ready, you know, when you look at your kids around you? | ||
| You know, whenever I meet people that have kids, I always ask the parents, how old are the kids? | ||
| When they say to me, he's 14, I look at that person, I go, look at that kid. | ||
| At that age, I was already doing a thousand things. | ||
| What a shame. | ||
| Because I wasn't ready for that. | ||
| What a shame. | ||
| Yeah, but you had a wild life. | ||
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| That was part of it. | ||
| At 14, you should not be hanging out with guys robbing a train. | ||
| Yes, I would say that's true. | ||
| You should not be doing a lot of things at 14. Yeah. | ||
| I stop and think about some shit that I did. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| At 15, I shouldn't have found somebody on the floor dead. | ||
| I shouldn't have done a lot. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I handled a lot at that age. | ||
| I look at these kids and I go, that's 15? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| At that age, I had already mugged somebody or rolled a drunk. | ||
| I did something. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Something to look over... | ||
| And go, fuck, either I like this or I don't. | ||
| You know, a shark tastes blood, neither he likes it or he doesn't. | ||
| I remember hanging out on the street at night as like a 13-year-old. | ||
| 13-year-old, my God. | ||
| I remember like, we'd just be out on the street in the summer. | ||
| We'd be playing in the street. | ||
| It'd be like midnight or something, you know? | ||
| We'd just be out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No one does that now. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| No, God would pull you over. | ||
| We would just say like, hey, I'm going to spend the night at my friend's house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then my friend would say, yeah, we're going to spend the night at the other person's house. | |
| The parents don't want to fucking talk. | ||
| They're like, cool, babysitter for the night. | ||
| We get to fuck out on the couch. | ||
| You guys are out in the woods, mosquito bites in your dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Remember mosquitoes, man? | ||
| We don't get that in LA. People don't realize how fucking cunty mosquitoes can be. | ||
| When you go out into the woods and they just swarm on your ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got bit in the face when I was in Ohio from sitting outside right here. | |
| Just recently? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And off don't work no more. | ||
| We talked about this shit. | ||
| Off, that shit's done. | ||
| They power through that shit. | ||
| Those mosquitoes, they drink that shit for mouthwash. | ||
| They got a hold of some Monsanto corn and now they're fucking super pumped up. | ||
| Dude, my dad was telling me about this bug that came from Japan, and that's then hit, I think, Canada, and then went to Michigan, and now it's coming down to Ohio, and what it's doing is, well, it's not bad for us, but it goes into these trees. | ||
| I forget the name of the tree that it's attacking, and it drills holes in it and lays eggs in it, and then when all the babies come out, they just pretty much destroy everything, so it's killing this whole breed of tree. | ||
| Is it a bark beetle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's something I've never heard of. | ||
| And it's just destroying all this. | ||
| My dad has had these trees for 30 years in his backyard, these humongous trees. | ||
| They're all dead. | ||
| And he's like, dude, all the trees in the neighborhood are dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just attacking Ohio right now. | |
| And when it was in Michigan before... | ||
| How did they stop it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They can pre-treat a tree. | |
| You could have these people come out to your tree and put this shit in it and they drill these holes in the tree and put this chemical in the tree that supposedly helps it. | ||
| But it didn't work for my dad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had all his trees treated. | |
| And it's just destroying all these trees. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That's fucked, man. | ||
| Isn't it weird how like we now because of all the cross-pollination with ships and planes and we can introduce shit to a place where it has no natural predators. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And that the whole system just gets completely fucked. | ||
| I was on the, not even the highway, it was on like regular streets last night at about 10 o'clock. | ||
| And as I'm driving down the street, I saw this fucking coyote standing in the road, staring at me, and then he trots over to the sidewalk. | ||
| And then I slow down, and I look at him, and he's staring at me, and he looks left, he looks light, and then he runs up into someone's driveway. | ||
| And I'm looking at that coyote, and I'm like, that's reality. | ||
| That's nature. | ||
| That's something that doesn't know traffic lights, doesn't give a fuck about your laws, doesn't give a fuck about, you know, oh, that's your kid? | ||
| Oh, I won't fuck with your kid. | ||
| This is a crazy little monster running around eating cats, eating rabbits, killing things all around people's homes. | ||
| That's reality. | ||
| That thing's going to be here long after these buildings rot away and nuclear waste makes people evacuate, everything west of Pasadena. | ||
| Once that actually happens, when things like that actually happen, There's a gang of coyotes. | ||
| Coyotes will take over. | ||
| There's a gang of coyotes that live in Burbank, and I have this thing where I feel weird with coyotes because I don't feel like they're going to attack me at all, even though they might sometime, but I always roll down the window and fuck with coyotes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, I'll whistle at them and be like, hey, you, come here! | |
| You know, like, do you play with the coyotes when you see them? | ||
| You know, you think they're like dogs, but you ever see a picture of a coyote with their mouth open? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's scary. | |
| It's fucking nuts, man. | ||
| They look like cartoon mouths. | ||
| Like, their mouths have so... | ||
| Like, pull up a picture of one. | ||
| Coyote, mouth open, big teeth, something Google. | ||
| Asshole. | ||
| Butthole asshole, whatever you want to put in. | ||
| The extra, like, extra teeth that they have are really fucking creepy. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Look at all his fucking teeth. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at his fucking teeth. | ||
| That's so scary. | ||
| It's really fucked up when you think about that young girl that got killed by coyotes. | ||
| It's so rare that that happens. | ||
| Little kids get bitten by them all the time, but usually little kids are near their parents. | ||
| Usually what happens is the dad comes over and beats the fuck out of the coyote, and the coyote lets go. | ||
| It's happened a few times in recent memory. | ||
| But fucking this chick was just walking through the woods, and a whole gang of them. | ||
| Circled her. | ||
| I just said we could take her. | ||
| I just jacked her. | ||
| Killed by coyotes. | ||
| Ooh, that's gruesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, the gang in my neighborhood just hangs out around my fence. | |
| Like, my dog will come out and go to the bathroom. | ||
| And you can just hear, like, my dog start barking. | ||
| And then you see all these feet scattering around my fence. | ||
| Like, oh, these coyotes are going to try to attack my dog if they can. | ||
| Dude, knowing that coyotes can attack people like that, I say we kill all of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And people are like, no, the coyotes are our friends. | |
| Do you know they killed a mountain lion in Santa Monica? | ||
| Do you know about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I heard about that. | |
| Where are you going, Joe Diaz? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is coyote good at eating? | |
| Like, can you eat a coyote? | ||
| Because what if we can make it some kind of coyote burger? | ||
| I bet you could eat it if you had to eat it. | ||
| I bet it would taste like shit. | ||
| I bet it would taste like hatred. | ||
| I bet coyote meat just tastes like rotten hatred. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you're right. | |
| Just coyote brain. | ||
| That's a crazy voice. | ||
| Cunty fucking animals coyotes are. | ||
| So they killed this mountain lion in Santa Monica. | ||
| In, like, where everybody is. | ||
| Santa Monica. | ||
| Populated area. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it wasn't a homeless person. | |
| No, it was a fucking mountain lion. | ||
| It was a real mountain lion. | ||
| Not a cougar. | ||
| Not a crazy old bitch. | ||
| And when they killed it, there was all these Facebook posts and one of them was my favorite. | ||
| It was so awesome. | ||
| There's this woman and she said, why are we... | ||
| It's only because of our ego that we think we are better than animals. | ||
| You know, animals have a soul. | ||
| And she like, you know, soul in all caps. | ||
| I would gladly take a bullet for an animal or a dog or a cat or a bear or a deer or... | ||
| Before I would for a person, exclamation point, exclamation point. | ||
| I mean, I was looking at this and I'm like, this is amazing. | ||
| This is a person that's actually saying, you shouldn't kill that monster that's roaming through the neighborhood. | ||
| The 150 pound cat. | ||
| No, you shouldn't kill that unpredictable beast. | ||
| And if you wanted to do that, I would gladly take that bullet. | ||
| I would sacrifice my life for this monster. | ||
| You sacrifice your life for one of the most horrific creations of nature. | ||
| A big cat. | ||
| A mean, thoughtless, killing machine. | ||
| You can't even roll a basketball in front of one of those things. | ||
| They fucking dive on it and bite it. | ||
| That's their instinct. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but they could have also done that as a weapon. | |
| Just like, hey, get away from me, cat. | ||
| Here, chase this ball. | ||
| We have all this money and all this technology. | ||
| They can put one of those bullets and put them to sleep and take them to the zoo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And figure out what's going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They kill fucking everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do think that they kill everything. | |
| I understand a bear is a harmful animal or whatever, but something made that bear come down. | ||
| That bear don't want to fuck with nobody. | ||
| We don't want to fuck with him. | ||
| So either they're building somewhere they shouldn't be fucking building, or there's no food for the fucking bear. | ||
| It's most likely no food for the bear. | ||
| And it's also the problem with bears and people is that once they find out that they can go to garbage cans and get food, that's it. | ||
| They just go to garbage cans all the time. | ||
| Then they have to take them and put them in zoos and shit. | ||
| They become problems. | ||
| Listen, I understand. | ||
| You have to protect the community. | ||
| We can't have a bear or a fucking mountain lion. | ||
| Does anybody know what a mountain lion will do to a human being and how fast? | ||
| But at the same time, let's see if we can fucking mummify him first. | ||
| Take him to a museum. | ||
| Figure out what made this fucking happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mummify him? | |
| Whatever the fuck. | ||
| Shoot one of those darts in him. | ||
| Don't we have those darts? | ||
| You got something on your lip. | ||
| We have darts and lasers. | ||
| Darts and lasers? | ||
| Yeah, we have lasers and darts. | ||
| But I got to see a kid running on the 101 backwards and he gets shot. | ||
| Dart him! | ||
| What the fuck you got these darts for? | ||
| You got darts, officers. | ||
| Dart them. | ||
| Laser them. | ||
| You talk about them, you show them in a Chuck Norris movie. | ||
| Now you're on the 101 and you don't want to dart nobody. | ||
| You follow me? | ||
| We're a little bit too... | ||
| I think tasering people is dangerous. | ||
| People die. | ||
| We're a little bit too quick to pull a fucking trigger. | ||
| I love the fucking bearing arms and everything, but it's a bear. | ||
| Anybody who knows hunting or whatever, just sit still for two minutes and get the fuck out of there. | ||
| Get the fuck out of there. | ||
| You kick a garbage can, they're more scared of us. | ||
| Until we fucking corner them. | ||
| Me, sometimes. | ||
| I lived in fucking Aspen where they were everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, but you gotta be real careful if they have babies. | ||
| You gotta be real careful. | ||
| But I seen a lot of shit in Aspen. | ||
| I used to see schools of raccoons. | ||
| Schools of them crossing the street. | ||
| From the big one to the little tiny one at the end. | ||
| I know those motherfuckers are dangerous, but you can't hit them with a car. | ||
| Let them be. | ||
| I wish I saved a picture. | ||
| There's a picture that I saw once. | ||
| I don't remember if it was online or in a book or a magazine. | ||
| I wish I saved this picture because I haven't been able to find it in all my Google searches. | ||
| But it was a guy who was a photographer who was killed by a bear. | ||
| And he was taking pictures of a female and her cubs. | ||
| And the last image on his camera before he was killed by the bear is the bear with its teeth glared charging him. | ||
| And it's a fucking horrific picture. | ||
| They found it. | ||
| They found it on the dude's camera. | ||
| I bet that is. | ||
| I remember looking at it and thinking it's so powerful. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| When they shot Jim Jones and the cameraman went down, remember the camera kept running as they were shooting everybody? | ||
| As they were getting on the plane from Guyana, that was live footage there on television. | ||
| What the fuck were you doing in Guyana? | ||
| You should have been taking pictures in San Francisco where you live. | ||
| That Jim Jones story is fascinating, man. | ||
| They shot him at the airport. | ||
| What was the dude's name? | ||
| Who played him in the movie? | ||
| Powers Booth. | ||
| Ooh, Powers Booth's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| They only use him for certain things. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He comes out when you need a heavy southern gentleman throwing heat. | ||
| Powers Booth's a bad motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at the screen here. | |
| For some reason, the image isn't showing up, but it says the image captures a bear seconds before it's mauled to its photograph. | ||
| Oh, it's false? | ||
| I think you're thinking of a different picture, though. | ||
| They're thinking of one where a bear comes into a guy's tent. | ||
| I think that's a different image. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| What's up, Joe Rogan, baby? | ||
| Nothing, baby. | ||
| What's going on, man? | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| You're very excited about this weekend? | ||
| There is one fake one, though. | ||
| A fake one where they showed they photoshopped it. | ||
| I'm sorry, I cannot go with you. | ||
| This is a great fucking card this weekend. | ||
| It's a great card. | ||
| It's going to be sick. | ||
| There's some great cards coming up in the next few fucking weeks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| August, July. | ||
| Junior Dos Santos and Frank Mir is going to be nuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was going to ask you, Joe. | |
| Remember the Salvia guy that was the crazy MMA guy that was always talking about, not Salvia, but Stevia? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I know that whole story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I don't know. | |
| We probably shouldn't talk about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, don't talk about it? | |
| Yeah, don't give him any attention. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's weird. | |
| Something's wrong with him. | ||
| So what do you think about this card, baby? | ||
| Let's break it down. | ||
| I'm very excited for you. | ||
| I'm sorry I can't go. | ||
| Yeah, I wish you could go. | ||
| It'd be fun. | ||
| I want to watch one with you guys. | ||
| We've got to go to a Strikeforce card. | ||
| Strikeforce. | ||
| Next time is a big Strikeforce fight. | ||
| Did you see the last one? | ||
| Did you see Josh Barnett and Daniel Cormier? | ||
| I haven't watched it yet. | ||
| What a fight. | ||
| Both guys broke their hands in the first round, too. | ||
| I heard Cormier look very good. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| He's a fucking beast. | ||
| Throwing kicks. | ||
| He launched Josh Barnett into the air, too. | ||
| Josh Barnett is a big boy. | ||
| He's a big boy. | ||
| Daniel Cormier hoisted him up and, whoa, boom! | ||
| Threw him for a ride, controlled him on top, smashed him, cut him up with elbows. | ||
| And he's only had, like, I think that was his fifth MMA fight. | ||
| I mean, it's amazing. | ||
| Daniel Cormier is a motherfucker. | ||
| How long has the babyface assassin been arrested? | ||
| He's been around forever. | ||
| He was one of the youngest UFC champs. | ||
| He won, I don't know how old he was when he won the title, but I remember he beat Randy Couture, and then there was some sort of a dispute with the UFC management, and UFC didn't get along, and he left, and then he started fighting overseas, and he fought in pride, and... | ||
| And then he came back and became part of the Strikeforce tournament. | ||
| He's been around forever. | ||
| That guy's fought everybody. | ||
| He's fought Minotaro. | ||
| He's fought Crow Cop twice. | ||
| He's fought a lot of fucking dudes. | ||
| I just thought his experience would really shine through, but from what I'm hearing... | ||
| Cormier's a motherfucker, man. | ||
| Well, you know, though, Josh Barnett broke his hand in the first round, and so did Cormier. | ||
| They both broke their hand in the first round. | ||
| So, you know, who knows how a rematch would go, but Cormier won that fight with his wrestling. | ||
| He won that fight with his striking. | ||
| I mean, he's just a motherfucker, dude, and he's not been doing it that long. | ||
| He's badass, man. | ||
| I'm real impressed. | ||
| He head kicked Josh Barnett twice. | ||
| Josh Barnett couldn't take him down. | ||
| No one's been able to take him down in a UFC match. | ||
| I mean, he's such a high-level wrestler. | ||
| It's going to take a fucking beast to take that guy down. | ||
| So you've got to stand with him. | ||
| And he's really quick, man. | ||
| And he's not a tall guy, but he's compact and explosive. | ||
| All the years of wrestling, the high-level wrestling, I think the mental toughness that those guys gain from being high school. | ||
| Competitive amateur wrestling. | ||
| Those are different animals, man. | ||
| Those are different animals. | ||
| Those guys are tough on a whole different level. | ||
| In my opinion, you look at the percentage, that might be the toughest group of human beings on Earth. | ||
| Just the toughest, mentally toughest, is amateur wrestlers. | ||
| It really might be. | ||
| They're fucking animals, man. | ||
| Some of the shit those guys go through and they do it dehydrated and malnourished. | ||
| And they're out there like fucking animals. | ||
| You know what's crazy, Joe? | ||
| You took me to the UFC in Jersey. | ||
| And here's all these MMA fighters in the audience in attendance. | ||
| But everybody kept looking at that Penn State fucking wrestling team. | ||
| And everybody kept looking at that coach. | ||
| More people went up to shake that motherfucker's hand. | ||
| I heard more people going, pssh, look who it is. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| The coach of Penn State? | ||
| That's the best wrestler in the world? | ||
| Oh, Cale Sanderson? | ||
| Cale Sanderson was at the fight right in the row behind me. | ||
| He's wrestling again. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know if it's the same guy we're thinking about. | ||
| Who they say is the best white wrestler in the world. | ||
| Yeah, he's an amazing wrestler. | ||
| Not a fucking intriguing guy either. | ||
| Not something that you're like, oh, I'm not going to mess with him. | ||
| He was sitting behind us with the team. | ||
| And everybody who walked by had to say, oh my god, there's Chael Sanderson or Cale Sanderson, oh my god. | ||
| Like, everybody was fucking like in awe of this guy. | ||
| And that was when we threw the guy out, and then the guy that was with him said to me, Joey Karate, we got your back. | ||
| That's when it all went down, because the guy was yelling. | ||
| But everybody was looking at that guy like he was a fucking killer that day. | ||
| And I mean, from Fitch to Guida, everybody was there, standing there, you know, so... | ||
| Yeah, he's the coach of Penn State. | ||
| Yeah, that's Cale Sanderson. | ||
| Cale Sanderson. | ||
| Yeah, he's a beast. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The people that he was wrestling with, teaching in college, they're the ones who encouraged him to compete again. | ||
| He still physically got it. | ||
| He just stopped competing. | ||
| I just think that high a level, like when you're at that high a level in any sport, whether it's wrestling or anything, you know, boxing, when you get to that level, it's so hard to maintain that kind of pace. | ||
| It's so hard to just live your life like that where you're constantly competing. | ||
| When I was a kid, I seen a high school wrestler. | ||
| By the way, your fucking voice is just creeping me out. | ||
| Was that you or him? | ||
| When I was a kid, I seen one of the best fights ever. | ||
| I seen a high school decorated wrestler fight this kid that was a scrappy fighter, everybody knew. | ||
| And dog, two minutes in, he got his hooks in this motherfucker. | ||
| It was in front of a VFW. You know how they always have an American flag with the pole and the little fence? | ||
| He picked him up and threw him over the fucking fence, dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| The strike, I didn't know. | ||
| He just landed on his head and just stood there like, what am I going to do? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I'm not going to get back up and fight this fucking monster. | ||
| Just pick him. | ||
| And that's when I was like, wrestlers got something. | ||
| They got that core strength. | ||
| They've been working it since they were young. | ||
| And some of these guys with the bent ears and shit, they ain't got no time to fuck around, man. | ||
| They'll take you the fuck down. | ||
| But it has made a difference in MMA that I've seen. | ||
| I don't know much about it. | ||
| I watched a little bit of Pride. | ||
| But in the UFC, you're seeing these wrestlers. | ||
| It makes a big impact. | ||
| Judo guys and wrestlers. | ||
| Those are the two toughest to deal with. | ||
| But the thing about, and both of them, especially when it comes to international competition, they both have to deal with some pretty fucking stiff and crazy competition. | ||
| Judo, internationally especially, is really popular. | ||
| It's a really popular sport in a lot of different countries. | ||
| But wrestling, there's something about wrestlers, man. | ||
| What they have to go through, their mind becomes capable of pulling shit off where other people wouldn't push hard enough. | ||
| They would back off before the wrestler does. | ||
| These guys are redlining, man. | ||
| They know how to redline their brain, their body. | ||
| Some of the most savage fighters of all time. | ||
| Dan Henderson. | ||
| Randy Couture. | ||
| Go through the lineup. | ||
| Matt Hughes. | ||
| Think about all the different guys that started off. | ||
| Kostchek. | ||
| All the different guys that started off. | ||
| Hendricks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Rashad. | ||
| Rashad. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| John Fitch was a captain at Purdue. | ||
| The list is... | ||
| And it takes a while for their hands to catch up with everything else. | ||
| But some guys pick it right up. | ||
| Griffin. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Fabulous Phil. | ||
| The one who just fought Rashad before... | ||
| Oh, Phil Davis. | ||
| Phil Davis, I'm sorry. | ||
| Fabulous, whatever they call him. | ||
| Mr. Wonderful. | ||
| Mr. Wonderful. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| Even Eddie always said that. | ||
| You better get ready for these wrestlers and learn how to fight off your back. | ||
| Because these wrestlers are going to fucking take you down. | ||
| There's so many guys that become successful. | ||
| Have you ever gone to this Japanese cultural center in Hollywood? | ||
| No, what is it? | ||
| Close to Eddie's. | ||
| It's a couple blocks from the old legends, the one on Vermont, the one that just moved. | ||
| The cultural center, it's like where the Japanese go to practice judo in town. | ||
| And it's real dirt cheap. | ||
| It's hardwood floors. | ||
| It's all old school. | ||
| Some people go sign up one time and get the fuck out of there because it's very traditional. | ||
| And I think they only do two classes a week, but it's going on down there. | ||
| All these other things like Aikido and La Brea with the swords and shit. | ||
| I'm talking about down and they've been there since 1940 something. | ||
| Is there still an Aikido school in Hollywood? | ||
| No, they moved to Burbank. | ||
| And then they moved again. | ||
| I drive by on Magnolia and I see it. | ||
| Everything is in Burbank. | ||
| Any style that you want is in Burbank. | ||
| There's a lot of Burbank. | ||
| Martial arts. | ||
| I went to see Eddie's. | ||
| I went to Burbank last night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I had to go outside. | ||
| I swung by Eddie's. | ||
| I counted six fucking karate schools. | ||
| Kickboxing. | ||
| Who's the other guy that we owe? | ||
| Fabulous. | ||
| Benny. | ||
| Benny the Jet has his school. | ||
| I mean, Burbank, they have the Martial Arts Hall of Fame. | ||
| Benny the Jets in Burbank now? | ||
| Benny the Jets in Burbank, man. | ||
| They got a new kickboxing school. | ||
| They got two Gracie Barras. | ||
| When I first moved here, man, I used to go to his place in Van Nuys. | ||
| He would have all these gangbangers that they would give free classes to and let them work out. | ||
| You'd be taking kickboxing classes with these fucking gangbangers, man. | ||
| Parts of it were kind of creepy and a lot of people were complaining about it because there was a few problems. | ||
| But I remember this one dude came in and he had a A tattoo on his back that looked like you drew it. | ||
| It was like Vatas or something like that. | ||
| Fuck the rest. | ||
| And he had it tattooed on his back. | ||
| I mean, it looked like you did or like anybody did. | ||
| Like I gave you a tattoo gun for the first time and said, just see what you can do. | ||
| And I was thinking, like, this is not a guy you want to punch in the face. | ||
| This is not a guy who has a lot to lose. | ||
| Like, you know, this is a... | ||
| I might want to just keep my hands up and stick a move. | ||
| Might want to just get in your car and get the fuck out of here and get involved. | ||
| Yeah, well, there was... | ||
| There was Benny the Jet, and I think he had family members that would also teach there too. | ||
| I forget the whole history of it, so I don't want to talk about it, but they would let a lot of gangbangers go there. | ||
| It was a big culture shock thing coming from New York and then moving here and then taking kickboxing with gangbangers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck that. | |
| Remember that bug we were talking about earlier that is killing all these trees? | ||
| It's called an emerald ash borer. | ||
| And look at that. | ||
| It looks like a cricket at a disco. | ||
| I mean, it's scary looking. | ||
| It looks high-tech. | ||
| It looks like a robot cricket. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a Nissan GTR bug. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that thing. | |
| Ew. | ||
| And that thing does... | ||
| That's the thing that just goes into trees and fucking lays a bunch of eggs in trees that destroys the trees and then those things hatch and become more of these... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like a fucking army of tree killers. | |
| That's so fucking nutty, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's so weird when... | ||
| So what do we have to do? | ||
| Bring over, like, Komodo dragons and eat these fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Doesn't that look like alien technology? | |
| That looks like alien technology. | ||
| You know what's gonna happen? | ||
| What are you gonna fucking do with Komodo? | ||
| This has been going on for years. | ||
| We started with termites. | ||
| What do you expect? | ||
| Termites weren't from here? | ||
| Where are termites? | ||
| Whatever the fuck. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| This started years ago with termites. | ||
| They eat trees. | ||
| They eat the roots. | ||
| This is something fucking new to you. | ||
| But it is new when you have an invasive species. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| They were bringing weed in through Miami. | ||
| What do you think was coming in those fucking bags? | ||
| What do you think was just weed, lice, and fucking bugs, and palmetto bugs, and snakes? | ||
| What do you think was coming in those fucking shipments? | ||
| You know, big nine-foot fucking cobra got in from some fucking Colombian jungle. | ||
| And they got dicks, and they look for ears, and they're all these fucking creatures. | ||
| It's 2013. You're going to have a new fucking creature every week. | ||
| And I'm about to smoke my little vapor, so get the fire. | ||
| I got a new match. | ||
| I got master motherfucking cushions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I'm saying? | |
| I was smoking this shit on the plane. | ||
| Oh, it's tremendous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what's so funny? | |
| He was smoking on the plane next to an old lady. | ||
| Did we talk about this yesterday? | ||
| No. | ||
| And... | ||
| And I'm like, wow, that's crazy. | ||
| It's not against the law to do those things. | ||
| Vapor, if it was like an electronic cigarette, I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But then he did it in a car when we were driving to Pittsburgh, and he just starts hitting it, and all the windows are up, and immediately I smelled weed. | |
| And I'm like, if you did that on the plane, everybody smelled that. | ||
| It does smell like weed still. | ||
| Because on the plane, they have a suction thing, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, you had that suction thing. | ||
| If you blow it, then have a vacuum of air. | ||
| So when you blow it over your shoulder to the window... | ||
| That's too dangerous. | ||
| Oh, you got to do it to the left. | ||
| You got to do it to the left. | ||
| But I was smoking on two different flights, and nobody smells nothing because of the fucking vacuum. | ||
| There's a thing about pot smoke, man, that when you're smoking, it doesn't smell like anything. | ||
| It's the weirdest thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's just like cigarettes. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I bet it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't smell the smoke on your own body. | |
| Well, that's a weird thing that they say about smells, that olfactory senses, they only detect changes. | ||
| So you can get used to a stinky town. | ||
| That's how people live if they live someplace. | ||
|
unidentified
|
By a paper mill or something like that. | |
| Yeah, that could do it. | ||
| Or I think slaughterhouses, that's a real problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cow poop. | |
| Yeah, if you pass pastures and cows are shitting all over the place and it just stinks horribly. | ||
| They're fucked up. | ||
| They shit so much. | ||
| They just shit everywhere. | ||
| You drive by, it's just shit. | ||
| You're smelling shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I go to my mom's house. | |
| I have to go by a good half mile where the whole air is just shit smell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It smells like a thousand poops. | |
| That's nature telling you that this is dirty. | ||
| You don't want to eat anything anywhere near this. | ||
| That's like a big warning sign. | ||
| That's why shit smells terrible. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| I don't think you should smoke that thing on a plane. | ||
| I'm going to make you promise that you're not going to do that from now on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he got caught with it at an airport. | |
| He did? | ||
| Burbank took it out, looked at it, they couldn't even figure it out. | ||
| Those fucking geniuses. | ||
| They brought a cop over and they gave it right back to me and I was puffing all the way to gate number three like a doctor. | ||
| So what did you say it was when they asked you what it was? | ||
| A fucking electric cigarette. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Didn't even ask. | ||
| How's that one for you? | ||
| Didn't even ask. | ||
| They didn't even ask. | ||
| They just looked at it. | ||
| They wanted to know if it was like some sort of a Gene Simmons bomb from one of those movies. | ||
| Such a bad idea. | ||
| Remember that thing, the little robot thing? | ||
| When they put the bomb in his fucking mouth, give me the bonus, fuck the bonus, and they pull the thing and he's like, ah, I still got that on my thing just for that scene. | ||
| The movie's horrible, but that scene is fucking classic. | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| How many movies did Gene Simmons do? | ||
| I know he played that and I seen him on an episode of Miami Vice one time. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I've never seen him, but he's probably done a bunch of fucking movies. | ||
| He was on an episode of Miami Vice? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He played like a drug dealer or something. | ||
| Miami Vice changed the fucking game. | ||
| Dudes started wearing blazers and no socks. | ||
| They started wearing loafers with no socks. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because that's what they wore on Miami Vice. | ||
| They wanted to be like you're in Miami. | ||
| Dudes started buying white cars. | ||
| Who the fuck bought a white car before 1980? | ||
| There's no white cars. | ||
| Get out of here with your stupid fucking white car. | ||
| How many white Corvettes did you see? | ||
| There's like 10 of them ever made. | ||
|
unidentified
|
White's only for like Honda Accords or something. | |
| When they saw that white Testarossa, they were like, oh shit. | ||
| White wheels too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see Will Smith slap that dude? | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| And then he lied. | ||
| He's like, try to kiss me in the mouth. | ||
| I'm like, hey, we can all see the video. | ||
| He didn't try to kiss you in the mouth. | ||
| Kissed his face a few times. | ||
| He might have been trying to kiss him, you know, in the mouth. | ||
| It might have been like some pulling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you're right. | |
| I didn't think about that. | ||
| I don't like people touching me. | ||
| I don't like that either. | ||
| Will Smith could have bad slapped him. | ||
| You know, he did. | ||
| He barely touched him. | ||
| I mean, he just went like this to the guy's face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And everybody's saying that it was like some assault. | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| It's like always at publicities, at events, at the longest show I think, somebody said something to fucking Burt Reynolds and Burt Reynolds pushed him. | ||
| Listen, he's 66 years old. | ||
| He was just trying to get publicity for the fucking movie. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Probably not either. | ||
| It's probably just ego. | ||
| The guy came over and said something and Burt Reynolds was like, did you see the original one? | ||
| The guy goes, no, Burt Reynolds smacked him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Really? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that online? | |
| Is that a video of that? | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| Oh, you gotta see. | ||
| Burt Reynolds smacks guy. | ||
| Burt Reynolds smacked the fuck. | ||
| Burt Reynolds is one of those guys where I look at him and I kind of feel bad, you know, and I see, like, his face all stretched out. | ||
| Like, when I was a kid, I looked at Burt Reynolds and I'm like, that guy's the shit. | ||
| Like, I remember, like, Smokey and the Bandit. | ||
| He's always smiling. | ||
| That's what I would always think. | ||
| Like, this guy looks like he's always having a great time. | ||
| He did have a good time, so he married Lonnie Anderson. | ||
| That bitch shut him down and left him with pills and he was fucked. | ||
| Really? | ||
| But dog, you watch him even in the Longest Yard, the beginning of the Longest Yard. | ||
| He goes in, he beats the bitch. | ||
| Beats the bitch! | ||
| Watch the movie. | ||
| He gets in the car and what fucking song does he get on when he turns it on? | ||
| What? | ||
| Saturday Night Special. | ||
| Let it skin it. | ||
| Watch it. | ||
| He's so fucked. | ||
| He's got a velour jacket on. | ||
| With fucking patches on this thing. | ||
| He looks like the guy that played Superfly. | ||
| That's what he looks like in that movie. | ||
| He smacks her. | ||
| He's laying in bed. | ||
| She's giving him a hard time. | ||
| He smacks her. | ||
| He takes her fucking car. | ||
| Saturday Night Special drives. | ||
| He cuts off cops. | ||
| Takes it to the ocean and dumps it into the ocean and goes to the bar. | ||
| And they come get him at the bar. | ||
| And they start fucking around. | ||
| He beats the one cop up. | ||
| And they take him to the... | ||
| But Reynolds was the shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's the video, I think. | |
| Burton Reynolds apparently got a little slap happy last night, hitting a CBS producer at a movie premiere in Chelsea. | ||
| And we're the only ones with the video. | ||
| CBS News, Michael Pomerantz here now with the Blow by Blow. | ||
| Michael? | ||
| Maurice Reynolds attending the premiere of his new film, really a remake of his old film, When either in jest or in anger, depending on who you believe, Reynolds slapped the CBS employee who was asking the star about that movie. | ||
| And today CBS News says it is looking into the matter. | ||
| You judge for yourself. | ||
| Tell us a little about the movie. | ||
| Well, you don't know anything about the movie? | ||
| I know what's up with the audio Let me tell you something, my friend. | ||
| These guys, none of these little producers, nobody knows the smack. | ||
| Like the dude who got smacked on 2020 by the wrestler. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That was a smack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Will Smith's a punk with that little backhand he gave the dude. | ||
| That wrestler, when he fucking smacked, what's his name, Tom Slossel? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| John Stossel. | ||
| John Stossel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He smacked him. | ||
| That boy got up. | ||
| He ruptured his eardrum. | ||
| Yeah, he fucking smacked him with a hand bigger than mine. | ||
| That was a smack. | ||
| Fucking Will Smith giving this guy a fucking love time. | ||
| All Will Smith did was gently touch the guy with his fingers on his face. | ||
| Anybody who calls what Will Smith did a slap, he gently did this to the guy's face. | ||
| It was like so... | ||
| It was so non-aggressive. | ||
| Yeah, this guy's a fucking huge dude, too. | ||
| That's terrific. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, is that all you got? | |
| I'll ask you the standard question. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Standard question. | ||
| I think this is fake. | ||
| You think it's fake? | ||
| There you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| Is that fake? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| What the hell's wrong with you? | ||
| That's open-hand slap, huh? | ||
| You think it's fake? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Huh? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| That's fucking real, guys. | ||
| That dude cuffed him. | ||
| That's fucking real right there. | ||
| That dude cuffed him. | ||
| That's a guy not getting paid enough to do his job. | ||
| Well, you know, it's also, the way he said it was very arrogant, like he was going to be safe. | ||
| I think it's fake. | ||
| You know, it's not... | ||
| You know, saying it's fake, duh. | ||
| Duh. | ||
| Fucking duh. | ||
| Everyone knows it's fake. | ||
| You know, it's obviously planned out in advance. | ||
| But to say it's not a tough job, you're crazy. | ||
| Those guys are always busted up. | ||
| Do you remember when they did the expose on wrestling? | ||
| Do you remember when they did the expose on wrestling on 2020 and they showed us all the tricks? | ||
| How they would take the razor blade and cut your forehead. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And make it bleed. | ||
| That was a great expose. | ||
| A lot of people didn't know about that shit. | ||
| Imagine they did that. | ||
| They used to cut their own head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Their own head. | |
| And I knew about it because one of the training schools in New Jersey. | ||
| So when I was going to grammar school, one of the teachers kept telling me, if you're good guys, we'll take you to the wrestling. | ||
| I know, Chief J. Strombo, whatever. | ||
| It's all fake and shit. | ||
| When I found out wrestling was fake in the fourth grade, I was pissed for about ten minutes. | ||
| I went to El Tapatio the other day, and they had the Mexican wrestling on. | ||
| Those dudes have some fucking dope moves, man. | ||
| How about the outfits? | ||
| Oh, the outfits are outstanding. | ||
| They have dudes with, like, long Conan hair. | ||
| No one looks like they've ever even heard of steroids. | ||
| It's so weird because steroids are legal in Mexico, and these dudes are, like, regular-looking dudes. | ||
| But they had some crazy moves. | ||
| I was, like, really impressed, like, jumping through the air, wrapping their legs around the dude's neck, and flipping the dude through the air. | ||
| Like, they did some nutty shit. | ||
| I was like, wow, that is acrobatic. | ||
| If you can't appreciate that, I mean, obviously, it is theater. | ||
| But there's a physicality to it that, you know, it's very disrespectful to call it fake. | ||
| It's not fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Especially in that little attitude he did, that little sass he did. | |
| Yeah, he said it to a guy without any fear of his own safety, being protected, he thought, by a camera and reality. | ||
| The media wasn't shit then, my friend. | ||
| The media wasn't what it was today. | ||
| The media wasn't shit. | ||
| They were just somebody who was taking up your fucking ass. | ||
| He just didn't have to be cunty about it. | ||
| If he communicated with the guy and asked him, are there predetermined outcomes? | ||
| That's what he should have said. | ||
| Instead of saying the way he did it, I'll ask you the standard question, is it fake? | ||
| It looks fake to me. | ||
| You know, like, wow. | ||
| You're like pawing at a lion. | ||
| Like, look at the size of that guy. | ||
| You don't feel uncomfortable with that? | ||
| This guy's all sweaty and hyped up from a fucking wrestling match where they always get kneed in the head and fucking kicked in the head accidentally and punched in the head. | ||
| Like, you see some of the shit they do where they do, like, flying sidekicks and hit each other in the head? | ||
| They hit each other in the fucking head, man. | ||
| There's a lot of times they're actually hitting each other. | ||
| It's not pretty... | ||
| Even if it's... | ||
| It's not precise. | ||
| It's not pretty. | ||
| Hard way to make a living, man. | ||
| What's funny, when I went to Miami at the end of April, that week was also WrestleMania. | ||
| So all these old-timers are in Miami. | ||
| So every radio show I went to do that week had an old-time wrestler. | ||
| I was talking about it. | ||
| And it was very interesting to see that, believe it or not, these guys still have followings. | ||
| Oh, I believe it. | ||
| They still have followings. | ||
| They do all those things that they show you in The Wrestler where people come and sign t-shirts and talk about 1981. I wonder where Jimmy the Superfly Snooker is. | ||
| Do you remember the ultimate warrior who used to live in Boulder in his heyday? | ||
| Did he? | ||
| He was up in Boulder shooting fucking banana juice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Snapping Slim Jims. | |
| This motherfucker. | ||
| Shooting banana juice. | ||
| I remember one time seeing him at the puddle car wash. | ||
| At that time, nobody had a 7 BMW. In the early 80s. | ||
| I don't even think they made him, but he had him. | ||
| Just because he had a fit in one. | ||
| And I'll never forget, it was off-season or something, and he got out of that fucking car, Joe. | ||
| And he had a vein that was a cord. | ||
| I don't have to lie to nobody. | ||
| Go look at fucking the Ultimate Warrior. | ||
| He's a giant dude. | ||
| But his veins, his biceps, were some of the biggest, most. | ||
| That was a bicep. | ||
| But he had a vein out here that lifted three-quarters of an inch from his arm. | ||
| I seen it. | ||
| I looked at it, stared at it, and was like, let me see how far. | ||
| His vein and his bicep went up three-quarters of an inch off the skin. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of people who don't realize how big those guys are. | ||
| Let me see if you get an Ultimate Warrior shot for me. | ||
| I saw Hulk Hogan the first time when I was in Hollywood. | ||
| It was right outside of... | ||
| Before I met him, I met him at UFC, and I had the honor of interviewing him once. | ||
| It was fun because I got to get excited about pro wrestling with him and pump it up. | ||
| He's fucking great, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's great. | |
| That guy's got a lot of pain, though. | ||
| I mean, he's gone through... | ||
| You ever see all the operations that guy's gotten through? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's the ultimate warrior? | ||
| And how tall is that dude? | ||
| He's like 6'3 or some shit? | ||
| Don't focus on his dick, Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was looking at his own shirt. | |
| He's busting through his own shirt, but in a heart. | ||
| This guy's crazy, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why does he have a heart? | |
| I think it's just Europe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got a lot of colors on him. | |
| Is this Richard Simmons? | ||
| Look at his face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is Richard Simmons. | |
| Isn't it crazy that they decide to paint their face up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And the outfit with the suspenders, whatever the fuck they had. | ||
| Look at his arms. | ||
| This guy was pretty yoked. | ||
| Him and the Barbarian Brothers I remember seeing when I was a kid. | ||
| Those two guys, they were in the Flamingo kit. | ||
| I don't know what happened to those guys. | ||
| Isn't face paint, like, war paint a strange thing? | ||
| The idea that... | ||
| You know, you're gonna doll your face up to make yourself look meaner when you go to battle? | ||
| Like, that's gonna matter. | ||
| The ritual of rubbing shit on your face and put your war mask on before you go into battle. | ||
| Where the fuck did that ever come from? | ||
| Does it make someone extra scary if they got black stuff all over their face? | ||
| But are you talking about in the street? | ||
| No, like Indians. | ||
| American Indians. | ||
| And I'm talking about, you know, different people that have put war paint on over the years. | ||
| Well, the war paint for the American Indians symbolized something. | ||
| Remember Braveheart? | ||
| He put, like, fucking shit all over his face. | ||
| Yeah, it symbolized something. | ||
| But, like, if you're in the Green Beret, you got to go take and paint your face green. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| You know, it's a different thing. | ||
| But still, it must put you there. | ||
| Yeah, the ritual, right? | ||
| Must let you know that it's time to fucking rock. | ||
| It's time to get crazy. | ||
| It's got to get you. | ||
| That's how you probably get fired up by putting the makeup on though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you guys remember this? | |
| So, what do you want to do? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you want to do? | |
| You boys a bit bored? | ||
| Snap me to it! | ||
| For those that didn't watch this but rather listen to this podcast that might be one of the most retarded things I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| It's a big, giant, roided-up dude handing out Slim Jims. | ||
| Is he still alive? | ||
| Is that guy still alive? | ||
| That's Deca de Roblin like a motherfucker. | ||
| Is he still alive? | ||
| Before they figured out the test? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| I wonder what he looks like now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's find out. | |
| I just typed in Slim Jim. | ||
| That guy's fucking huge. | ||
| What a strange ad. | ||
| What is it supposed to be? | ||
| Snap into a Slim Jim, and why are you so angry, sir? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| You're fucking going nutty, screaming and flexing. | ||
| Snap into a Slim Jim. | ||
| Kid bites into it, he flies out of his shoes. | ||
| Like, what the fuck kind of physics are we dealing with here? | ||
| Who greenlit that commercial? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think The Ultimate Warrior has a blog now. | |
| Oh, he does? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How fun would it be just to start shooting steroids and not stop? | ||
| Just get crazy and go Hulk style? | ||
| Just one day go, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to start fucking eating them and I'm not even doing cycles. | ||
| Well, I think if you look at those guys who have done that, it is possible to stay alive. | ||
| Look at the guys who were big-time professional bodybuilders. | ||
| They're still out there. | ||
| They get off the shit and their body shrinks down to normal size. | ||
| I want to know what Tom Platts' legs looked like today. | ||
| That's what you've got to find. | ||
| That's what we've got to find. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I want to know what Tom Platt looks like today. | ||
| I want to know. | ||
| I mean, we all know what Arnold looked like. | ||
| Listen, bro, the first time you seen... | ||
| What was the movie, Pumping Iron? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Arnold was the shit. | ||
| You could say whatever the fuck. | ||
| Arnold, Franco, Colombo, that little fucking Italian with that back from here to here from fucking laying brick and blocking all his life. | ||
| He's like, I'd get a big block. | ||
| Get the fuck out of your whole family tree laid fucking 12-inch block. | ||
| He probably built everything in fucking Italy. | ||
| Look at you, you little fuck. | ||
| He was... | ||
| He was yoked. | ||
| He was a strong dude. | ||
| Isn't it funny that you said Tom Platt? | ||
| And we both know that that guy was associated with having giant legs. | ||
| It's like he's synonymous. | ||
| Isn't that incredible, though? | ||
| There's no other guy that has that synonymous with one body part. | ||
| Muscles and striations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Legs. | |
| His legs were giant. | ||
| Earl Campbell had big legs, but... | ||
| Tom Platt's had just ripped. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| They were giant. | ||
| Can you find a picture of Tom Platt's legs just to show Tom Platt's. | ||
| P-L-A-T-Z. He was like 1980 if you can because that's when he was a king. | ||
| His upper body was big. | ||
| I mean, he was a huge guy, but nothing like his legs. | ||
| His legs were ridiculous. | ||
| What the fuck were they shooting in their legs in those days? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at his jaw. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at his legs. | |
| Look at his fucking jaw. | ||
| His jaw is juice. | ||
| He's got muscle in his jaw. | ||
| That guy would crack a fucking Ari penis. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at his legs. | ||
| This is 1980. Look at his cheeks. | ||
| Back up again. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at his legs are the freakiest thing though. | ||
| Look how much they stand out from the rest of his body. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It's like somebody opened up his legs and stuck a whole basketball in there. | ||
| He's got a basketball in each leg. | ||
| Look at the fucking size of those things. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| That is the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| Ever, ever. | ||
| That's a waste. | ||
| He has a waste for each thigh. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Look at the veins going through the fucking leg. | ||
| What the fuck are they shooting? | ||
| And he has no balls whatsoever. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| They fucking went into his legs. | ||
| Yeah, when you look, when they get to like this size, they're so juiced to the gills, their balls are shut down. | ||
| They just tapped. | ||
| Their balls are shut. | ||
| Look at the size of him. | ||
| My God, he was enormous! | ||
| I gotta find what he looks like today. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hi, guys. | |
| Look at the fucking signs of his legs. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| You ever see anything like that? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's like from another animal. | ||
| It's like he took some meat off of a horse and put it onto his body. | ||
| I remember he used to try to sell leg workouts. | ||
| You're like, Tom, stop it. | ||
| No one wants to have legs like yours. | ||
| No, Tom. | ||
| That's number one. | ||
| Number two was no fucking running up hills like that shit. | ||
| Not only that, it's also a genetic issue. | ||
| He must have crazy genetics. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| That's what his balls look like. | ||
| See if we can find the picture. | ||
| Look at Robbie Robinson. | ||
| Look at the black guy. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ! | ||
| Look at Robbie Robinson! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| God, look at this. | ||
| There's a photo. | ||
| We're looking at a photo of his back, ladies and gentlemen, and it doesn't even look possible. | ||
| It doesn't look possible. | ||
| It looks like if you were going to do a cartoon on what a bodybuilder would look like. | ||
| Like if you were drawing it for South Park or something. | ||
| It can't even be real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blarf. | |
| Isn't it crazy, though, that that's what happens when you do shit like try to have competitions where you see who has the best body and the biggest muscles? | ||
| Like, standards sort of change, and then, just like fake tits, the standard becomes the unnatural, unachievable, without drugs look. | ||
| But what's crazy about this, Joe, is I thought that Weightlifting and steroids and recovery and everything has excelled so much in 30 years. | ||
| That had to be 1982 when Tom Plants took that picture. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's 30 fucking years ago. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Oh, look at that picture. | ||
| He looks great. | ||
| He's got no pants on and he's flexing his legs. | ||
| That's cartoon legs, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is cartoon legs. | |
| It's so cartoonish. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| He has extra muscles in his legs. | ||
| I mean, and he became famous for it, too. | ||
| So that became, like, you know, the thing he concentrated on. | ||
| If you keep hearing that sucking in the background, that's Joey Diaz. | ||
| He's using some device. | ||
| He's using it right into the microphone. | ||
| Eureka vaping like a motherfucking Joe Rogan. | ||
| That's amazing, that Tom Plotz guy. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's shocking. | ||
| It's amazing what a person can do. | ||
| The way you can change your body. | ||
| Just sticking some stuff in there and do a fuckload of squats. | ||
| Yeah, brother. | ||
| What are you doing, Joey Dears? | ||
| You tweeting? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Answering text messages? | ||
| My wife. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My wife. | |
| Brian, do you think you would ever be willing to get on a bodybuilding program and do roids for a TV show? | ||
| No, but I'm supposed to Saturday go to Richard Simmons and do his class. | ||
| His class? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm doing it just because I think it'll be funny. | |
| Oh, it'll be amazing. | ||
| Where are you going to do his class? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's in Santa Monica. | |
| Shit, I want to do his class. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you want to? | |
| I want to. | ||
| I have to do the UFC though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What class is that? | |
| Saturday is the UFC. It's like sweating to the 2000s or something. | ||
| How often is he there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think he does it like every week. | |
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He teaches it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Richard Simmons. | |
| Do you fucking work out with Richard Simmons and all these really old ladies and gay guys? | ||
| We're going to make it happen. | ||
| Let's work out with Richard Simmons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I am. | |
| I mean, look. | ||
| Either way, you'd be amazed. | ||
| It's a good workout. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| If you tried to do sweating to the oldies and you actually kept... | ||
| It's like a nice little workout. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| When I left the Y today... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think if I get really baked, it's going to be the best thing I've ever done. | |
| How much do you think it'll cost? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's like 60 bucks. | |
| Hmm, that's worth it. | ||
| When I left the Y today, they were doing, what's the Country Line thing? | ||
| Country Line? | ||
| Country Line Aerobics. | ||
| Bunch of fucking big rednecks in there fucking doing it. | ||
| Doing aerobics? | ||
| Like country line dancing mixed with aerobics. | ||
| It's like fucking Zumba for country people. | ||
| So line dancing. | ||
| Line dancing mixed with aerobics. | ||
| It's amazing what people do for jump up and down. | ||
| I tell you what, I'm really digging that Mike Dolce book, bro. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Are you really? | ||
| I'm really, I love, I never, I always said to myself, why do people go to Rwadi on a fucking treadmill where you can walk around North Hollywood Park and get some vitamin D and really sweat? | ||
| Then I read his book and like I told you on the plane, the diet stuff is hard for me because I don't like a lot of vegetables. | ||
| But the fucking workouts, you know, the beginner treadmill workout is sensational. | ||
| I can't do the full speed yet, but I'm doing it. | ||
| You know, I'm doing it. | ||
| He's coming on the podcast soon. | ||
| Yeah, please. | ||
| I think it's going to be the weekend for the UFC. He's great, man. | ||
| He's fucking great. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| That book has really helped me a lot. | ||
| I'm understanding. | ||
| I can't do a lot of shit because of my knee, but he's got great... | ||
| Basic exercises. | ||
| When I was really skinny, that's how I got size, by doing those strength things. | ||
| So I know where he's coming from. | ||
| I mean, in his book, he talks about how he went up in a bunch of weight, then he lost it just to prove his point, that strength. | ||
| So I understand what he's saying. | ||
| So I really enjoy the one book. | ||
| I have the one. | ||
| I'm going to get the other one. | ||
| I couldn't find it. | ||
| You order all three of them in the t-shirt, and it's not a bad deal. | ||
| I just couldn't find that particular thing, so I ordered it on Amazon. | ||
| I think he's actually doing the podcast next week. | ||
| Yeah, he's fucking great. | ||
| I think he's going to do it. | ||
| Please, people have questions for him and shit, because his book is really helping me a lot of things. | ||
| We got a lot of podcasts next week, dude. | ||
| We got Dolce, we got Bass Nectar, I gotta get back with that dude, and we got Bobcat Goldthwait, and we got Shane Smith. | ||
| Dude, we're becoming like a television show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hopefully we don't run out of shit to talk about. | |
| I'll tell you what, man. | ||
| I went to Adam Carolla's place yesterday, and first of all, we need more employees. | ||
| Because he has 10. Right. | ||
| And second of all, I got mad podcast studio envy. | ||
| His fucking setup is so sweet. | ||
| Adam Carolla's a savage. | ||
| He builds his own shit. | ||
| He built his own broadcast desk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a man-man. | |
| He's a man-man. | ||
| He's a fucking construction worker, fella. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was out there. | ||
| He wired everything so it all goes under the floor and it comes out through the legs of the table. | ||
| The wires go through the legs of the table so there's no wires exposed and the whole thing is set up. | ||
| It's really fucking sweet. | ||
| It's really sweet. | ||
| It's got cameras, like high-def cameras facing everybody and they're all controlled and remote control. | ||
| It's got like a little broadcast booth. | ||
| I mean, it's amazing when he's done. | ||
| Like, you go over there and you get mad podcast studio envy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He took it to the next level. | ||
| He's making it happen. | ||
| We gotta follow that. | ||
| Did you have a nice time, though? | ||
| Did you have a nice show? | ||
| Oh, he was great. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did you guys talk about? | |
| That girl, Alison Rosen, is very funny, too. | ||
| His little sidekick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's cute. | |
| She's hilarious. | ||
| What did we talk about? | ||
| Everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| Pussy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Talked about... | ||
| It was all these, like, you know, the hottest chicks in the world. | ||
| Like, they had something where they were debating whether or not women belonged to the hottest chicks in the world. | ||
| Me and him have very different tastes. | ||
| Like, he was talking about Olivia Munn, you know? | ||
| Olivia Munn is hot as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's beautiful. | |
| Okay, right? | ||
| That's about as hot as you can get. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Am I right? | |
| I agree. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But he was like, ah, I've been to her house. | ||
| She's not really that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's got smelly feet. | |
| She's not that. | ||
| There's some girls. | ||
| And he was talking about, you know, some girls walk into a room and just, you know, everything just stops. | ||
| And you just want to talk to them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That Olivia Munn's not like that. | ||
| I'm like, alright. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That's crazy talk. | ||
| Whatever, son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Living Mom is on my top five. | |
| She came out of nowhere. | ||
| I liked her with Kevin Pereira on that show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever. | |
| Attack of the show. | ||
| But then I fell in love with her. | ||
| And then she left the fucking show. | ||
| Joey, hit that shit off Mike. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| I had a great time in fucking Columbus last week. | ||
| And in Cleveland, I just want to say it before I forget. | ||
| Pittsburgh, I really did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, me too. | |
| That fucking Columbus, man. | ||
| There were some crazy motherfuckers there. | ||
| Izzy Rock, Jason, Justin, the guy that made us the fucking edibles. | ||
| I still got some fucking candy left in the house. | ||
| You know, fucking Cleveland was crazy. | ||
| We're outside. | ||
| That garage shop is a cool fucking spot, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| That's a cool fucking spot if you don't want to perform at the improv. | ||
| We got nothing against the improv. | ||
| But that garage shop is a cool spot and a cool part of town. | ||
| You know, Pittsburgh, it was an honor to go to fucking Pittsburgh. | ||
| But man, has the economy destroyed those little cities, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The bar we were at is only open when there's a Pittsburgh Pirate game or a football game. | ||
| And it's across the street from the stadium. | ||
| It's called Mullins. | ||
| They were fucking great. | ||
| The barbecue sandwich was great. | ||
| And the guy was telling me that it's just people don't go to that side of town no more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Like people, you know, this is not a seven-night-a-week industry no more. | ||
| People going out. | ||
| And in Pittsburgh, they go out to watch the games, they get fucked up and they go there. | ||
| And you know, I've been going to Pittsburgh for 30 years. | ||
| It's amazing that you go to these cities and you see these people and you say to yourself, what's next for these people? | ||
| I mean, this is the real core. | ||
| It's so funny how I was losing... | ||
| I was hating doing comedy in LA. And it transpired for me like I was starting to hate to do comedy. | ||
| And it was because I was doing too much comedy in LA, Joe. | ||
| I wasn't doing comedy for real people. | ||
| I was forgetting what I was doing comedy for. | ||
| When you're in LA a long time, like I was and we are, we don't travel like normal headliners. | ||
| They go out every week. | ||
| When I'm in LA, you're thinking about shit that you think in LA. And you think there's going to be somebody in the audience or who's here with you or... | ||
| Or what you're saying. | ||
| When you're on the road and you're talking to people in the Midwest or in Texas, they're fucking real. | ||
| You gotta bring it a different way. | ||
| I can't bring it like LA way. | ||
| And that's what I like about going on the road again. | ||
| I really enjoy it. | ||
| People are like, do you really like going to the Midwest? | ||
| No. | ||
| I went there. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| I love going to Iowa. | ||
| I love going to all those spots like that. | ||
| Once or twice a year, just to remind you. | ||
| That it's not all the big city, man. | ||
| We met some cool fucking people. | ||
| We've seen some great properties, some great trees. | ||
| It's spread out, no traffic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We got too much weed. | |
| Yeah, we got too much weed. | ||
| You know, and it's hard to see these cities like they got nothing. | ||
| And these are the people that are really voting and shit. | ||
| Like, we don't really know the country's issues. | ||
| We see a thousand fucking cars and 20 weed stores and shit. | ||
| And all the restaurants around here are fucking open. | ||
| You know? | ||
| We went to Pittsburgh, dog, on a Saturday night. | ||
| All those businesses were for lease. | ||
| That's the truth. | ||
| Those are the people that are really voting. | ||
| Those are the people that are really paying attention to what the fucking issues are. | ||
| Cleveland's rough, man. | ||
| We went to Cleveland on the Maxim tour years ago, and I remember driving around the city going, wow, there's not a lot of hope in this city. | ||
| There's not a lot going on here. | ||
| But the people are bad motherfuckers. | ||
| They just got so much to work with. | ||
| Ohio's got a lot of good people. | ||
| Yeah, no, no, no. | ||
| Ohio's always, man. | ||
| When I used to work for the sports betting service, they were the biggest... | ||
| A collection of gamblers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| In my mind, I'm like, all the sharpest guys in New York and Vegas, they wipe their ass. | ||
| That whole Youngstown with the Hall of Famers, all that shit, that's big book making. | ||
| Big! | ||
| You know, you gotta remember one thing, guys. | ||
| The worse the economy gets, the more book making, prostitution gets bigger and drug sales. | ||
| Tell me, Ma. | ||
| Drug sales go amazing. | ||
| You know, that's why the mob and organized crime will never go away. | ||
| They make more money when the economy's bad. | ||
| You know, when we had the prohibition of the Great Depression, those mobsters were making money selling booze. | ||
| People want to forget about their fucking problems. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| The worse the economy is, the more money people have to take a gamble with. | ||
| It's really weird to say. | ||
| There's more gambling. | ||
| Because people are desperate. | ||
| So people are like, fuck it. | ||
| I'll gamble more. | ||
| I'll drink more. | ||
| The only fucking things that do not get affected by the economy is crime. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| Gambling does not get affected. | ||
| Vegas is still booming. | ||
| Every week we hear how, oh my god, we went to Vegas and there was nobody there. | ||
| They keep building, aren't they? | ||
| They're getting money from somewhere. | ||
| Somebody's putting their bets, and it ain't me and you, but somebody's losing. | ||
| Yeah, they're just banking on the fact that it's going to bounce back. | ||
|
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And they stopped a lot of the building, though. | |
| Yeah, they stopped a lot of it. | ||
| They were getting nutty. | ||
| They were getting nutty for a while. | ||
|
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|
They just opened a casino in Vegas when we were there. | |
| Or, I mean, in Cleveland while we were there that weekend. | ||
| And that's, like, another way for them to try to bounce back. | ||
| Remember when Eva Langoria opened up, like, a spot? | ||
| A restaurant. | ||
| Didn't she open up, like, a nightclub or some shit? | ||
| Yeah, a restaurant. | ||
| It's still there. | ||
| I don't know if she owns it. | ||
| You know, I don't drive by there. | ||
| I'm a Beso. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Beso on Hollywood Boulevard. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| This is in Vegas. | ||
| Oh, Vegas? | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Yeah, she had like a club or something. | ||
| Listen, bro, I never figured out somebody coming to you, Joe Rogan, and going, I'm going to open up a club. | ||
| When you're in Vegas, come hang out. | ||
| We'll give you a kickback. | ||
| It's part of your club. | ||
| You give whatever percent they want. | ||
| What's that called when you lend money and there's no guarantee? | ||
| You know, you give a certain amount and... | ||
| I mean, how much do you make from that? | ||
| You got 19 fucking partners. | ||
| That's why I told you, I told you specifically, and I know you don't like this shit, but you really gotta watch the pimp of Joe Namath. | ||
| It's been on again on fucking HBO, the sports thing they did for an hour. | ||
| That motherfucker had it so bad in New York that he finally said, fuck it, we gotta buy a bar. | ||
| They had to buy a bar. | ||
| They got sick and tired of going out after games and spending money. | ||
| Watch this documentary. | ||
| It is brilliant. | ||
| I watched it again the other day. | ||
| They bought a bar in New York? | ||
| Bought a bar in Midtown Manhattan. | ||
| His fucking slogan was, I like my woman blonde and I like my fucking scotch black. | ||
| That was his... | ||
| Dog, you gotta watch this thing! | ||
| And he's from this little town, and he just went to New York, bro. | ||
| I mean, he got married at like 42 because he had to. | ||
| Like, his knee was bad and shit. | ||
| He couldn't sling dick like he had to. | ||
| But he would've never got married. | ||
| Like, this guy was a fucking dick slinger. | ||
| He was slinging so much dick that he had to buy a bar. | ||
| Like, to keep all his bitches in line. | ||
| And then, they took the bar from him. | ||
| You gotta watch the whole thing. | ||
| Well, what is it called? | ||
| Uh... | ||
| CBS? Is it CBS? What, the bar? | ||
| No, the special. | ||
| It's on HBO. It's been on HBO for a couple months. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's just called Namath. | ||
| Namath. | ||
| And you're going to love it because you remember. | ||
| It's not about football. | ||
| It's about what this motherfucker, how crazy he was. | ||
| And how he was just a good old boy. | ||
| But he owned New York, bro. | ||
| He just owned it. | ||
| He just had it by the balls. | ||
| But then they fucked him. | ||
| They said he had to close the bar. | ||
| They made him close the bar. | ||
| Why did they make him close the bar? | ||
| Because they said he had too many. | ||
| Weird people hanging out in there. | ||
| Too many weird people? | ||
| It's a bar. | ||
| It's a bar. | ||
| I know, but he had too many fucking weird people. | ||
| So watch this special. | ||
| You're really going to like it. | ||
| People that live above bars. | ||
| What a nutty way to live that is. | ||
|
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Or people that live above food. | |
| Like fast food. | ||
| You know that grease smell was just going to go right up. | ||
| Or a Chinese restaurant living downstairs. | ||
| There's something dangerous about it, though. | ||
| You live on top of the bar when you're a fucking hokie. | ||
| That's the only reason why you would live. | ||
| In New York, you see all those bars with two dwellings over it. | ||
| Nobody decent lives over a bar. | ||
| They live over a bar because they know they're two minutes away no matter what happens. | ||
| I've only known a few people that lived like in Midtown, you know, like when I was struggling. | ||
| I only know a few people that where I got over their apartment and get to see like how they lived. | ||
| But like living in cities like New York where you get like studio apartments, that's a weird life, man. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You enter into a door, you open the door, you got like a little space and it's like a Tiny little sink, and there's like a little hot plate. | ||
| You know, a lot of people, they're living almost like in closets. | ||
| It's almost, it's like a big closet. | ||
| Not even a big closet. | ||
|
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|
Brody Stevens just got his first refrigerator, and it's not even a full-size refrigerator. | |
| It's one of those small little refrigerators, and he's had one for, he didn't have one for like almost a year. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Bro, I remember I used to date this girl, Julie Novak, and she was a Kansas girl, and I met her in Colorado. | ||
| I'd follow home to the restaurants where I did comedy at. | ||
| You know how you meet people like, I'm moving to New York, I'm gung-ho. | ||
| She went to New York with her buddy. | ||
| It was a childhood dream. | ||
| She had to go to New York. | ||
| She's from Kansas. | ||
| They went to New York and they moved to 15th Street, up the block from Manhattan, Honda. | ||
| 15th, like in 9th Avenue there. | ||
| They were paying $1,800 a month. | ||
| This is 1994. It was just what you said. | ||
| You open the door. | ||
| It was a combination. | ||
| One room. | ||
| 1,800 a month. | ||
| 1,800. | ||
| One room. | ||
| A TV with a fireplace that didn't work. | ||
| It was one room. | ||
| And then you open the door and there was a little kitchen and the bathroom was there. | ||
| So when I had to fuck her, the roommate was... | ||
| And she had a roommate. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Because they couldn't afford the 1,800. | ||
| She had a roommate. | ||
| So she would have to sleep in the fucking living room and I would fuck her in the kitchen on the floor. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And couldn't fit your feet. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
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|
Horrible. | |
| Horrible. | ||
| 1,800 a month. | ||
| Just to fulfill her dream to live in fucking New York. | ||
| Are you fucking crazy? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Why is that dream so... | ||
| People love that shit. | ||
| I just want to go to New York. | ||
| And then they get mugged. | ||
| One minute you look up, it's a beautiful day. | ||
| You look down, your bags are gone, you fucking momo. | ||
| But what is it about, I guess, there's something about being able to tell people that you live in the city. | ||
| That you live in Manhattan or you live in New York or whatever. | ||
| Listen, like I told it a thousand times, you're going to live in New York City, if you're not living like John Lennon in the Dakota, go fuck your mother. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| I'm going to struggle and drive down. | ||
| John Lennon lived at the motherfucking Dakota, and he walked around. | ||
| And good, he got shot, whatever, but he walked around. | ||
| Good? | ||
| No, no, what I'm saying is, you know, he got shot. | ||
| He didn't have a bodyguard. | ||
| He was just a regular guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He would walk through Central Park every day and get freshly squeezed orange juice and didn't give a fuck if it cost $12 or not because he's John Lennon. | ||
| So the Dakota's like a really nice place, is that what it is? | ||
| Where else are you going to live? | ||
| Is that the nicest place? | ||
| That topples everything. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's not stone over anything. | ||
| Well, I live at the Plaza, bitch. | ||
| I live in the motherfucking Dakota. | ||
| And my name is Tom Petty. | ||
| What is like... | ||
| Is that like what it is like? | ||
| What is like a room? | ||
| Go look it up. | ||
| Dakota. | ||
| What's your average property on a Dakota? | ||
| Because I think you have to buy the condo. | ||
| And they got to be three, four million dollars. | ||
| Which is really a fucking apartment. | ||
| Which is really a fucking apartment. | ||
| It's got to be more than that, right? | ||
| I mean, I can't... | ||
| I know he had two of them in there. | ||
| You know, people who live in the Dakota are just like authors who get banked. | ||
| That's the type of people. | ||
| Everything around the Dakota is expensive. | ||
| You know, if you live in the Dakota, it's because you fucking... | ||
| Wow, what a beautiful building. | ||
| Oh, it's beautiful, dog. | ||
| It's the shit. | ||
| That's the only way to fucking do it. | ||
| If you're going to do it. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| I'm going to live in Bronx or Brooklyn or Queens and drive in or take the A train. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I'm staying right there in the Dakota, right? | ||
| Central Park. | ||
| Isn't it weird if you think about it, what that building is? | ||
| It's like a safe for rich people. | ||
| For rich people. | ||
| It's like inside that safe. | ||
| You crack that safe over and there's a bunch of rich people in there. | ||
| I mean, that's what it is. | ||
| And it's right there on the street where all the poor people can drive by and look at all the rich. | ||
| Like, inside there, well, all they have to do is say, well, you know what, though? | ||
| You know, society is functional and there are police officers, so it's not feasible that we go in and just take all the stuff out of there, so we just leave it alone. | ||
| But they know where the stuff is. | ||
| The stuff is all in that room. | ||
| That big box, that's a big mousetrap of rich people. | ||
| That's all that is. | ||
| It's a bank. | ||
| There's like little pockets in that bank and inside that bank you can get money and there's jewelry and there's expensive stuff all throughout that place. | ||
| You can't get there. | ||
| Well, you can't get in there now, but if the shit hits the fan, yeah, you can get in there. | ||
| You can get in there easy. | ||
| That's one of the first things they're going to get into. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| When the shit hits the fan, why wouldn't you charge to Dakota? | ||
| You know, the only thing that would fuck you up is bodyguards. | ||
| You know, how many dudes are rocking bodyguards? | ||
| Probably a lot in that place. | ||
| Yeah, they're rocking bodyguards. | ||
| So you got a bunch of armed killers that are laying weight. | ||
| Machine guns on the roof and all that shit. | ||
| But how long before they quit, too, and get the fuck out of there? | ||
| After a couple of weeks, this place is abandoned. | ||
| Well, see, what does it cost to live there, Joe? | ||
| What's a property in the Dakota? | ||
| Okay, let's check out real estate. | ||
| I wonder if it's even for sale. | ||
| Am I? I wonder if it's even for sale. | ||
| Yeah, they gotta be for sale. | ||
|
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|
What are you talking about? | |
| Did you see that some guy in New York is selling his parking space for a million a year? | ||
|
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|
What? | |
| Did you see that? | ||
| A million a year for a parking spot? | ||
| A million a year for a parking spot. | ||
| People think about it. | ||
| They're like, well, it's here. | ||
| It's there. | ||
| It's close by. | ||
| I don't have to pay for fucking tickets. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Apartments for sale of the Dakota, New York City, Manhattan, Condos. | ||
| One of the most famous residence buildings in all of New York is the Dakota. | ||
| It was a bold building when it was first developed. | ||
| Built so far north of the pulse of the city at the time, citizens snickered and nicknamed it the Dakota, a reference to the states of North and South Dakota, which were very far away from New York City. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| They nicknamed it Dakota because they thought it was too far away. | ||
| Meanwhile, this crazy city has built up so much, now it's actually in the heart of everything. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is weird. | |
| New York City must have been way smaller back then, I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it has to have been. | |
| Yeah, I mean, it's a crazy place, man. | ||
| Every time I go there, I fantasize about living there for, like, short periods of time. | ||
| But I, you know, I never, I don't think I can do it. | ||
|
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I'd freak out. | |
| I'd have panic attacks. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| You gotta, like, realize that that is, you're getting interaction. | ||
| You're definitely getting something off of those people. | ||
| I don't know what it is, but I know there's a difference between the way I feel. | ||
| When I'm standing on a mountain and I look out and I see fields and I see clouds and I see birds flying overhead, there's a different feeling than when I'm on the 405. When I'm on the 405, there's a hive of humanity and there's some residual effect that you get from all these people. | ||
| There's a different feeling that you get when you're in a city. | ||
| There's an awareness of humans. | ||
|
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Collective stress. | |
| Yeah, there's something. | ||
| It's like, it's pheromonal. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is, it's in the air, man. | ||
| It's not as simple and as innocuous as if you're not touching me, you're not affecting me. | ||
| I think it's, we're affected by our environment in some strange way. | ||
| So that's why I don't think I can do it in New York City. | ||
| When I was at my mom's house this weekend and she lives in the middle of nowhere like just farms like across the street from her is a strawberry field and like it's just in the middle of nowhere and at night when I was sitting in my car waiting to go inside her house I was just like it was so quiet and so like the stars and oh and it was just it was like this is I would not have any stress if I got to come home to this yeah it's different it's crazy it's different You close your door, you hear cars driving by your street. | ||
| You might hear your neighbor. | ||
|
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|
You got wizards. | |
| Wizards are in the neighborhood. | ||
| You realize how much unnecessary shit you have to deal with. | ||
| How much unnecessary stuff is inside your head. | ||
| What it's all about. | ||
| It's all about Life is supposed to be about enjoyment, right? | ||
| It's supposed to be about having a good time. | ||
| It's not supposed to be about dealing with all this extracurricular nonsense. | ||
| And we shouldn't have to have so many fucking people around us. | ||
| Like, we shouldn't be living here. | ||
| This is silly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why live with this 20 million people? | |
| It's really weird when you talk to somebody like... | ||
| Somebody who lives in New York. | ||
| I'm trying to figure out a comic who lives in New York. | ||
| That they just fucking love it. | ||
| They couldn't imagine living somewhere else. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people fit into that. | ||
| A lot of people love it. | ||
| You know, for me, I don't mind. | ||
| Gaffigan lives there. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Gaffigan. | ||
| He's got kids, too. | ||
| He lives there. | ||
| You know, some people, they find a good place there. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I saw a fucking crazy picture of Anderson Cooper. | ||
| Anderson Cooper lives in a firehouse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does he really? | |
| Like the Ghostbusters? | ||
| In a converted firehouse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, dude. | |
| How awesome is that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it was a stupid fucking thread on my board where people were talking about Anderson Cooper being gay. | ||
| Like, who gives a fuck if he's gay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who cares? | |
| Unless you want to fuck him or he's trying to fuck you. | ||
| What do you care? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you imagine bringing a girl home and, like, I'll be right down and, like, coming down, like, on a fire pool, you know, with a bottle of champagne. | |
| Yeah, there's images for it. | ||
| I guess you can see the actual place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be the ultimate podcast studio, fucking making it out of a fire station or something weird like that. | |
| Something along those lines, yeah. | ||
| You know what would be the ultimate? | ||
| Would be that missile silo that that drug dealer had in that Vice documentary. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He buys a $4.3 million New York home. | ||
| Anderson Cooper has bought a firehouse. | ||
| The 8,240 square foot home. | ||
| Wow, that's a huge place in Manhattan. | ||
| At 84 West 3rd Street between Sullivan and Thompson's, which he purchased in September, boasts the original spiral staircase brass fire poles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so beautiful. | |
| It's pretty dope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fire station's pretty sweet, too. | |
| Well, the crazy thing is... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I see what you're saying. | |
| What's crazy is it still says fire patrol on it, and it's his house now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I mean, that's kind of dangerous, isn't it? | |
| Like people coming up to the place and be like, help, I need to drop off this. | ||
| I wonder how many babies he gets dropped off. | ||
| What if Anderson Cooper comes out of his house every morning and there's like two babies? | ||
| And he's like, goddammit, again? | ||
| $4.3 million. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| This is fire. | ||
| Because somebody's getting fucked in that motherfucker. | ||
| You pay 4.3 for a fucking fire truck house? | ||
| See if they left the fucking fire engine down. | ||
| That's a pussy magnet. | ||
| Or an asshole magnet. | ||
| Whatever it is that you like. | ||
| It's an asshole magnet. | ||
| I think it's been converted. | ||
| I mean, I think inside it's pretty dope. | ||
| It's more than 8,000 square feet. | ||
| That's a big fucking house. | ||
| In New York City? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| In New York City, that's enormous. | ||
| But there's all these cool photos of it. | ||
| It's pretty dope, man. | ||
| You gotta be creative. | ||
| That's as creative as it gets. | ||
| An old fucking firehouse. | ||
| They guaranteed I'd love to know if they left the poles inside so he could fly down the fucking pole. | ||
| I know I would. | ||
| That's part of the deal. | ||
| And I'd have the Batman thing to shoot right back up. | ||
| You gotta fly down the pole. | ||
| You gotta fly down the pole. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta fly down the pole in the morning. | ||
| He's got a garage, man. | ||
| How about having a garage in New York City? | ||
| Who the fuck has a garage? | ||
| He bought a house with a garage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now, see, I would live in New York City if I could live like that. | |
| There's only one way to live in New York, guys. | ||
| And that's with a lot of fucking Gitas. | ||
| Because it costs a lot of fucking Gitas to live in New York. | ||
| Yeah, if you're super rich, you could pull off living there. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| I'd take a cab everywhere and freshly squeezed and bagels for 20 bucks. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Well, a lot of guys just have drivers. | ||
| Those super rich dudes that have, like, penthouses there, they just have, like, a driver, you know? | ||
| Look at that place. | ||
| That's his house? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Whose house? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting people. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is, I think, the people that lived before or when it was on sale, I'm guessing. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| That is fucking killer, man. | ||
| What a killer house. | ||
| You can put jacuzzis in there. | ||
|
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|
Jacuzzis? | |
| I've been to one incredible house in New York. | ||
| It was a friend of mine's dad had a penthouse place. | ||
| I don't remember what homeboy did, but he was very wealthy. | ||
| And we went to the top of this building, and that's where the apartment was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the fucking view was insane. | |
| It was insane. | ||
| He was just in the middle of all these giant buildings. | ||
| They were all lit up, and he had this enormous glass opening, like his window. | ||
| He was on a corner. | ||
| He had a corner penthouse, and it was staggering. | ||
| You would look out there, and you'd just go, wow. | ||
| Like, you kind of get it. | ||
| It's like, they get to live like in a science fiction movie. | ||
| Like, every day, they look out their window. | ||
| They're on the 90th floor of some fucking building or whatever the hell it is. | ||
| You know, I don't know what the highest building is there now. | ||
| But, I mean, if you're on the 50th, 60th floor and you're looking out and seeing all of Manhattan and you're, like, in the heat of it, it is kind of crazy science fiction, man. | ||
| If you were, like, really into that, like, man, I could see. | ||
| I think the baddest house I ever seen was a maroon house. | ||
| Creek Maroon Bells in Aspen, Colorado. | ||
| We were building a house. | ||
| I was working for an electrician and a guy next door. | ||
| We became friendly with him and he would show us. | ||
| This guy was like a weird producer. | ||
| Don't ask me who the fuck it was. | ||
| He built the house from scratch. | ||
| But I could tell then he was kind of off the chain, like not a junkie or nothing. | ||
| He had man-made hot springs in his yard. | ||
| Like you would walk away under the moonlight, and he had them like 40 yards from his house. | ||
| He had like four different ones. | ||
| It was just amazing the view he had of Colorado looking down from one of the top cliffs up in Maroon's Bells. | ||
| I mean, it was fucking... | ||
| It would take your breath away. | ||
| It would really go, like you would fucking, it would take your breath away. | ||
| That's really weird to see that. | ||
| Yeah, views are worth a lot. | ||
| Views are worth a lot, yeah. | ||
| To me, views are huge. | ||
| You know, some people don't care. | ||
| They'd rather just be in a nice neighborhood or whatever. | ||
| I like looking out the window and seeing shit. | ||
| When I look out the window and see shit, it's inspiring. | ||
| That was one of the best parts of Colorado. | ||
| One of the best parts is being able to look out the window and just see the mountains and the trees. | ||
| If you could look over the ocean, that's like the best view, where you got a little bit of mountain, a little bit of ocean. | ||
| You can just stand there. | ||
| It's like you're looking at the greatest natural art ever created. | ||
| One of nature's most beautiful and wondrous accomplishments is the beauty of nature itself. | ||
| Looking at mountains, looking at the water. | ||
| Looking especially from afar, looking at all of it together. | ||
| Like when you're flying into Hawaii and you can't even believe how beautiful it is. | ||
| Look at this fucking place. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| It charges you up just with its own natural beauty. | ||
| But even Malibu has natural fucking beauty. | ||
| Malibu's staggering. | ||
| Natural fucking beauty. | ||
| Columbus, I've seen some shit. | ||
| The trees, the way they were cut. | ||
| You ever look at Malibu real estate? | ||
| Have you ever looked? | ||
| No. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| No, you go online and Google Malibu real estate and see some of the houses for $60 million. | ||
| What? | ||
| Where is all this money coming from? | ||
| Who are all these people? | ||
| How many rich people are there? | ||
| Jesus Christ, there's some people buying up $60 million houses? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know we talked about this a long time ago on that podcast, but I don't know if we had video back then. | |
| But remember Mike Tyson's abandoned mansion in Southington, Ohio? | ||
| And people in Ohio would just break into it because he abandoned it. | ||
| And it was still furnished, and it was like he just left it. | ||
| And it was really creepy because the water, the inside pool had not been treated for a long time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And like, look at this bathroom. | ||
| This is like a crazy shower. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they had zoos. | |
| Oh, there's the cages for his animals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, the cages for his animals on the back. | |
| And then they had his own basketball court. | ||
| Team Tyson. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Remember, that was like Don King got him into all that Team Tyson shit. | ||
| And look how nice it is outside in Ohio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you imagine? | |
| That would all be yours. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's pretty cool. | |
| You just walked away from that? | ||
| Is that for sale? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he just walked away from it. | |
| Oh, I'm sure it's for sale. | ||
| Bro, guys, he walked away five of them like that. | ||
| I heard his house in Jersey was fucking gorgeous. | ||
| Is that still for sale? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| But, like, the website that that's from is called Illicit Ohio. | ||
| It's one of my favorite websites. | ||
| It's just abandoned shit in Ohio. | ||
| Like, look at this old music school where there's just a bunch of keyboards lined up. | ||
| Is there a lot of abandoned shit in Ohio? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| This is just a guy that, you know, he's fascinated with it. | ||
| And he talks about, like, the old penitentiary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's old amusement parks and stuff. | |
| What's the website called? | ||
| Air Force Town. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called Illicit Ohio. | ||
| Illicit Ohio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I-L-L-I-C-I-T-Ohio.com. | |
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But here's an Air Force town, which is great. | |
| What a cool blog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And... | ||
| What is that, a broken roller coaster? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| We're just watching things. | ||
| The conversation has actually eroded to us scrolling through it together. | ||
| But Mike Tyson's old house, I wonder if you would be creeped out if you bought it and you knew that Mike Tyson would just gorilla fuck chicks in every room in the house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it probably has a lot of positive energy in it. | |
| You think so? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Except for the Brad Pitt energy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That story's hilarious. | ||
| That's Joey Diaz's crumpling in the background, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| What's up, guys? | ||
| What's the story? | ||
| How many of those fucking houses do you think Mike Tyson walked away from? | ||
| Probably a bunch, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Four. | |
| Seven. | ||
| I mean, how much did he make? | ||
| He must have made like half a billion dollars or something crazy, right? | ||
| What did the guy rob from him? | ||
| Because they said everybody says that guy robbed him. | ||
| Don King? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who knows where it all went? | ||
| Isn't it crazy, though, when you see that story repeated over and over again throughout history? | ||
| You know, guys make a shitload of money and then it all goes away. | ||
| Then they got none. | ||
| He had no idea how much money he had. | ||
| He had no idea what they just told him he had 80 million and go. | ||
| Why can't he fucking just accept the Bentley? | ||
| That's fucked up for the cops. | ||
| Because the cop could have sold that Bentley and not worked for like five years. | ||
| Like, quit. | ||
| I'm just going to live off this Bentley money, bitch. | ||
| And they sell that Bentley for a quarter million bucks. | ||
| They're worth a lot of money, aren't they? | ||
| Especially the convertibles. | ||
| He was so crazy, he was just crashing and giving them away. | ||
| He's going to do a one-man show now in Vegas. | ||
| Yeah, I heard he's already doing it. | ||
| I heard it's amazing. | ||
| He's already doing it? | ||
| I heard it's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing, bro. | ||
| That guy could tell a story like... | ||
| And don't even get him into boxing. | ||
| A one-man show in Vegas. | ||
| What a great idea. | ||
| He's a savage. | ||
| That guy's a fucking savage. | ||
| Joey Diaz, we need to get you a one-man show in Vegas. | ||
| He could just... | ||
| You could just... | ||
| Would you be willing to do that? | ||
| I could do everything. | ||
| Would you be willing to do a one-man show in Vegas? | ||
| No, not in Vegas. | ||
| I got plans already, dog. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| But he's the type of motherfucker that you could just let him go. | ||
| For hours, just about the trainer he had. | ||
| And then he has six chapters that you can go 12 hours on. | ||
| What's the original guy that adopted that? | ||
| Custom model. | ||
| Then he went with Teddy Alice. | ||
| And then his days with Don King. | ||
| Then his days with that fucking skank from Saved by the Bell. | ||
| Then his two years in fucking prison. | ||
| Then when he came out to the guys that kill brothers. | ||
| What's with the bow ties and shit. | ||
| Remember they were guarding him for a while. | ||
| Then two years ago he's smacking somebody in a fucking movie. | ||
| Do you understand the different extremes? | ||
| Not to mention he lost a little girl. | ||
| Not to mention he's fucking Mike Tyson. | ||
| And people look at him sometimes, and you may judge him, but that guy's Jimmy is fucking deep. | ||
| Deep. | ||
| Deep. | ||
| And when you watch that, we both watched that Tyson biography together, didn't we? | ||
| And he said some shit in the beginning that made you fucking think about Mike. | ||
| I remember we watched in a hotel room somewhere. | ||
| He said two or three things that you're like, you know, what the fuck? | ||
| You look at that guy, he's as intelligent and as deep as can be. | ||
| He'll figure you the fuck out. | ||
| He was beating fucking people up. | ||
| I just watched him against Irish Pat Murphy or something. | ||
| He's a killer. | ||
| The guy was a killer. | ||
| When he was at his best, we talk about him all the time, because when he was at his best, it was a force of nature. | ||
| Whenever someone can summon up intensity that other people just can't match, it's always fascinating to watch. | ||
| A guy who just raises it to the next level, and that's clearly what he did. | ||
| He came along and just took it to another place. | ||
| Everybody was like, whoa, we've never seen intensity like this before. | ||
| He's had eight chapters right in front of our eyes. | ||
| How many boxers do you know that went to prison in the middle of their career, or Football players. | ||
| And now they're making movies. | ||
| He went to prison under some pretty shady circumstances. | ||
| He went in there for fucking rape. | ||
| A girl who had already had falsely accused someone of rape. | ||
| She was only like 19 years old. | ||
| And she had already, before him, falsely accused somebody. | ||
| And they still didn't get him off. | ||
| And their defense was so crazy. | ||
| It was like, what do you expect him to do? | ||
| Look at who he is. | ||
| She should have known. | ||
| She should have known that if she's going to be alone with him, he was going to fuck her. | ||
| Like, that was the defense. | ||
| You can't say that. | ||
| That guy has thrown away more money. | ||
| Thrown away. | ||
| He's thrown away more money than a small country has in their bank account. | ||
| He's pissed through more money than 10 people lived through in a fucking lifetime. | ||
| You know how interesting that guy would be to get him stoned by mistake? | ||
| Like just to give him a hit of fucking some OG Kush and let that motherfucker go? | ||
| Just let him go. | ||
| Just about three of his boxing fights and what led up to it. | ||
| What happened in Japan against Buster Douglas. | ||
| So I wish him all the luck in the world because that's a true motherfucker right there. | ||
| We watched that guy come, go, come, go again. | ||
| His daughter died two years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not many people can bounce back from that, bro. | |
| You know, and he's really trying. | ||
| You know, I used to see him at the YMCA. But for all the fucked up shit, I used to see him try because they had him in the rehab up there. | ||
| He was always pulling over and asking and teaching a kid how to throw a punch right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying, dog? | ||
| And that's what it's all about. | ||
| He would always stop and walk past the boxing thing. | ||
| And if he'd see somebody, he'd go in and go, let me help you. | ||
| He would hold the bag for you. | ||
| World fucking champion, hold the bag for you one time. | ||
| He can still talk, too. | ||
| He doesn't have problems forming sentences or anything. | ||
| He doesn't have, like, you know, speech issues. | ||
| So if you're going to do a one-man show, that's the last thing you need, you know? | ||
| That's the saddest thing about boxers, man, is you watch a great one, and then you watch him in an interview later in his career, and you hear him slurring his words, and you're like, man, he paid a big price for that life, that wild life of his. | ||
| He paid a big price. | ||
| You know, now we're sitting here watching it. | ||
| But some people, man, that must be maddening to know that, you know, your career has forced you to, in your later years, not be able to communicate right. | ||
| But do they know it? | ||
| Do they know it that they can't communicate right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's in their mind? | ||
| What's in that? | ||
| Well, I think there's spectrums. | ||
| There is a spectrum, rather. | ||
| I think there's a broad range of brain damage. | ||
| But I think a lot of them don't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| That was the thing about the HBO football special. | ||
| They were talking about concussions. | ||
| They showed a lot of these guys later in their life, and they didn't know what was going on. | ||
| These poor guys were delirious. | ||
| Their wives would just guide them all around. | ||
| It was like they had a child they had to take care of. | ||
| So there's a broad range of trauma related. | ||
| Listen bro, with football I don't blame it all on the fucking head trauma. | ||
| I blame it on your body getting hit by a truck. | ||
| For fucking 10 years, you're getting hit by a truck. | ||
| Seven months of a year. | ||
| That's reality. | ||
| How much abuse can your spine take? | ||
| How much abuse can your organs take? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It depends if it's sexual abuse. | |
| You know the fucking shots? | ||
| You know the shot that I'll give you if you're standing like this getting the ball? | ||
| You know when the guy grabs the ball and he gets it and I come from the fucking left or the right and I give you the kidney? | ||
| So I don't blame it all on the fucking head shots. | ||
| It's got to be a motherfucker to put your head down and to hit somebody. | ||
| Even when it doesn't, your spine, something's got to be... | ||
| And that controls, bro, that controls, you know, all the electrodes. | ||
| That controls all the shit in your fucking, your body, that little spine. | ||
| You know, I've told you many a times, the last two years before I stopped doing blow, at the end of the night, my fucking spine would hurt. | ||
| The top of my fucking neck would hurt. | ||
| It would give me a little voltage, like... | ||
| So I knew it was starting to fuck shit up and you can't talk. | ||
| I can't imagine, but I want to know if they know what they're going through. | ||
| I want to know if you sit them down and go, how do you feel? | ||
| And if they would say to you at times, I want to express myself, I can't. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure they can't. | ||
| I'm sure that's exactly what they would tell you. | ||
| That's got to be a terrible fucking feeling, man. | ||
| It's got to be terrible. | ||
| I see somebody like Vinnie Curto, who I know, he's been punching the head 80 fucking times. | ||
| I could talk to Vinnie for hours. | ||
| I talked to him last week for like 45 minutes, and he'll go from scent to scent. | ||
| And it's amazing how he remembers certain things, and I'm very impressed by it. | ||
| But at the same time, when I hang up the phone with him, I'm sure that there's another thousand things that he's forgotten. | ||
| For the 20 that he's remembered, he's really forgotten a thousand. | ||
| So I might think he's sharp in that. | ||
| That's all he remembers is a handful of that stuff. | ||
| You get compromised. | ||
| There's a certain amount of compromise you're going to get if you're involved in kickboxing or contact sports or football. | ||
| Any time where you're getting head collisions over and over again, you're going to pay a price. | ||
| It's like how much of the price you're going to pay. | ||
| Is it just going to be like a weird little achy thing, like you might get a hurt wrist? | ||
| Is it going to be like that in your brain? | ||
| It's kind of annoying, but not that big a deal. | ||
| Is it going to be that, or is it going to be something really serious, where your mouth doesn't work right, or you can't formulate certain words, where you struggle to try to put together a sentence, and you forget what you were talking about right in the middle of the sentence, and you're not even high. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| It's really weird how... | ||
| I know from two ways. | ||
| I know from riding a motorcycle and falling off and banging my head a few times. | ||
| I know from getting hit in the head a few times. | ||
| And I also know how you feel the next day. | ||
| You get hit in the fucking head when you're not used to it. | ||
| Not that you feel terrible, it's what you feel. | ||
| You do feel a darkness in your skull. | ||
| It feels dark. | ||
| It feels like there's no sun outside. | ||
| You know, when you get clocked in the head for a couple days and you see things. | ||
| That's a good way of putting it. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| I know when I got clocked in the head, it scared the shit out of me. | ||
| You know, I survived. | ||
| I lived to tell the story. | ||
| I mean, fuck it, I'm here. | ||
| But you know that it's not right for you. | ||
| You said this. | ||
| You know that what I'm doing is not fucking healthy because this isn't normal for me to feel this way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it's not with the concussions. | ||
| It's not only the words and your memory. | ||
| It's also your mood. | ||
| It controls your fucking moods. | ||
| It controls whether or not you ice yourself or you fucking don't or how you live. | ||
| You know, that's all the shit that's in that. | ||
| Every brain, you know, I don't know what they are, but, you know, different. | ||
| Like somebody was saying that the front of the brain controls your anger. | ||
| And that the Buddhist belief for years, if you meditate through meditation, you could get through that part. | ||
| I'm just giving you an example. | ||
| But I think it affects a fucking lot of things. | ||
| Your mood and your depression or you... | ||
| It has to. | ||
| Yeah, it has to. | ||
| It fucking has to, man. | ||
| And that's why when they talk about football play... | ||
| Hey, bro, when... | ||
| Who kicks hard in the UFC? Crow Cop. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| When Crow Cop kicks you in the fucking liver, you're not going to feel that for a couple of weeks and shit? | ||
| That's not going to do something? | ||
| To your insides. | ||
| Because you're kicking me over here. | ||
| It's got to borrow from something. | ||
| None of those fucking kicks got to do something to you. | ||
| That is a thing that people don't think about. | ||
| It's like the damage to your organs. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Impacts from whether football or kickboxing or whatever. | ||
| You've got to think about that. | ||
| Because you can't see it. | ||
| So you just assume everything's okay in there. | ||
| But you know, like someone's shin slamming into your ribcage and fucking rattling all your shit. | ||
| Full blast into your ribcage. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| How many of those can you take? | ||
| What's going on inside there? | ||
| How fucked up is everything? | ||
| On the NFL, we were in Pittsburgh. | ||
| I was watching that afternoon. | ||
| TV was on, trying to write, whatever. | ||
| And they were showing Earl Campbell. | ||
| And they were showing the best 10 power backs of all time. | ||
| And they showed Earl Campbell playing against some team. | ||
| And he had to play against something. | ||
| Solomon. | ||
| And they said, look at the shot that he gives him with. | ||
| And by mistake, he hit him with a knee in the solar plexus. | ||
| Think about it, right? | ||
| By mistake? | ||
| Like he went to tackle him and he tripped over a player's foot. | ||
| So the momentum and him coming around, the knee was right there. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Bam! | ||
| I mean, you just seen it. | ||
| It was like him coming, Earl Campbell, and you're coming as the knee is coming up. | ||
| So he's falling as he's coming around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam! | |
| It was just, it was perfect. | ||
| You couldn't have fucking written this shit. | ||
| And this motherfucker, you just seen his arms go like this, bro. | ||
| Like everything. | ||
| Look at these. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Space cake. | |
| Don't give him more. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| He can't take all this. | ||
| No one can take all this. | ||
| No, he just ate a whole bag of popcorn. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| Amateur shit. | ||
| When you call me crying in an hour from now, Joe Rogan, I want to talk to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dana Dearman, we did this podcast the other day, and she ate a whole bag of that popcorn. | |
| And by the end of it, she was so gone, she couldn't even... | ||
| I had to call her because I was so worried about her. | ||
| We stayed here for a bit until she came down. | ||
| Wow, yeah. | ||
| You've got to get someone some coffee or something, right? | ||
| What are you doing with that stone? | ||
| With that stone, you just got to ride it out. | ||
| There's nothing else. | ||
| You just got to ride it out. | ||
| It's like a piss test. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For you fucking amateurs, don't be playing with those edibles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's time. | |
| Edibles are a danger, my friend. | ||
| That is not regular weed, folks. | ||
| That's not regular weed. | ||
| You gotta understand that. | ||
| It's gonna affect you a lot differently when you eat it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was just hungry. | |
| I'm going to be talking to two fucking space cadets in about 40 minutes. | ||
| Fuck that! | ||
| Fuck that dog! | ||
| I haven't eaten an edible in a couple of days since Columbus. | ||
| So you just ate a whole bag of popcorn and one of those. | ||
| You're going to be crying in one hour. | ||
| Dude, remember those cookies that guy gave us in Columbus, Ohio and you ate them right before you went on stage? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you start feeling it while you were on stage? | |
| I think I remember you saying something about it while you were on stage. | ||
| I felt it a little bit on some You know, whenever you eat an edible and you go on stage, you go to yoga, you go to jujitsu or whatever, the edible sits in you. | ||
| But once that adrenaline mixes with the edible, you've got a different type of fucking savage in there. | ||
| How about our friend that gave us those cookies in Chicago and you had a mild heart attack from them? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What? | ||
| This was a couple years ago. | ||
| We did the one Chicago club that's very white. | ||
| Yeah, my 40th birthday. | ||
| And it was crazy. | ||
| This guy gave me these fucking cookies that were in a wrapper. | ||
| He brought them. | ||
| And I ate two of them. | ||
| They're life-changing cookies. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| They were life-changing. | ||
| The next day, I had like an offbeat in my fucking heart. | ||
| I had like a heart murmur, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Three days later, I went to the doctor. | ||
| They're like, yeah, you had something, dog. | ||
| What the fuck did you eat? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Like, you had a mild heart attack from a cookie. | ||
| I'm telling you, dude, they were not regular cookies. | ||
| I don't know what was going on. | ||
| No, no, I already ate them later. | ||
| I don't know what the guy did. | ||
| That dude put heroin in something. | ||
| He put, those weren't regular cookies. | ||
| There's a point... | ||
| There's a point where I could tell what you did. | ||
| There were these cookies I was eating for a while. | ||
| I'm not going to say from what place. | ||
| But I found out a year later that the dude was putting Valiums in them. | ||
| Now, I knew that these cookies were doing something to me. | ||
| I knew for a fact that these cookies were doing something to me that nothing else was doing. | ||
| I've been around the block, so I could feel it. | ||
| I know the difference between eating like a cookie. | ||
| So he knew that he was going to get people hooked on it. | ||
| He was saying, these are the strongest fucking things, guaranteed. | ||
| What an asshole. | ||
| I got a call one day. | ||
| Somebody went to the fucking hospital. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how he got busted. | |
| What an asshole. | ||
| And the guy was like, bro, you don't have THC on you. | ||
| You can't be this asleep like this. | ||
| What an asshole. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Well, that's the thing about having marijuana all shady and semi-legal the way it is, you know? | ||
| There's a lot of fucking disreputable folks who are going to get involved in this just to make money. | ||
| You know, think about, like, pot's good, man. | ||
| Yeah, pot's good, but when people are selling it, you're going to get people that are just trying to make money. | ||
| They're not like pot advocates, per se. | ||
| Some of them are just in the business to make money. | ||
| Listen, edible business, people don't stick around for that long. | ||
| Because you've got to put too much weed to kill motherfuckers in it. | ||
| Well, the whole thing is it's got to be a one-shot operation. | ||
| So it's got to be a store that buys three pounds, they trim it, and whatever they have left over, they make the edibles with it. | ||
| If you go in to buy weed to make edibles, you're going to lose money. | ||
| It's not going to work for you. | ||
| You make it from the trimmings and the fucking seeds and all the fucking stems, and that's how you do it. | ||
| That's how you do it? | ||
| That's to do it to be profitable. | ||
| Because it's one-stop shopping. | ||
| But it doesn't have the same impact? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's all the same strength. | ||
| It's all the same strength. | ||
| So the stems have the same amount of THC? Well, not the stems, but all the leaves and all that shit. | ||
| You put it with the butter and you still get the butter with the same high THC ratio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| From the leaves? | ||
| Yeah, it's the same from the leaves. | ||
| They trim it with the leaves. | ||
| That's all made from leaves, dog. | ||
| You know, when they tell you, oh yeah, what do you think, they take a beautiful bud and throw it in there? | ||
| They take the leaves, they trim it. | ||
| When you buy, okay, let me give you an example. | ||
| That grinder you have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That grinder you have has two pieces. | ||
| It has a piece for the weed, and under the weed it has a piece for kush. | ||
| What does it call it? | ||
| Keith. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keith. | |
| Keith, okay. | ||
| See how much keef you got in there. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| Is there a lot? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This is what you do. | ||
| When you go to a weed store now, before they give you that weed, they beat the keef off the weed. | ||
| They do? | ||
| That's how they sell keef. | ||
| You bring weed home from a weed store now, there's no keef on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can get 25 a gram for that shit. | ||
| 30 a gram for that shit. | ||
| The place next door is one of those schools that teaches you how to grow weed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you can have up to seven plants or something like that. | |
| And they use their lighting. | ||
| And you just go a couple days a week or whatever to check on your plants. | ||
| It's kind of cool. | ||
| But they just bought an extraction machine. | ||
| And so now they can extract the weed into the weed juice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all over. | |
| Obama, I love you. | ||
| I love you, Obama. | ||
| Brandon next door showed me he has a syringe, and it's just a syringe of, like, liquid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you just drop it on a fucking bowl. | |
| They're going to take it intravenously. | ||
| How long before someone takes that intravenously? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no, no, no, no. | |
| It's a syringe just to drop, like, a little drip on your nugs. | ||
| Oh, I understand what you're saying, but I think, how long before someone takes that and shoves it into a vein? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, totally. | |
| Listen, in one year, you will not, smoking reefer will be obsolete. | ||
| One year? | ||
| In one year, 90... | ||
|
unidentified
|
60... | |
| Smoke and reefer. | ||
| Smoke and reefer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's like 2012, Joey. | |
| Smoke and reefer will be obsolete. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Between these things, because this is the first one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's predictions. | |
| If this is the fucking first one, the next one's going to be half the size. | ||
| Right, okay. | ||
| And the next one's going to be in your fucking iPod. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, you just have to assume. | ||
| Gentlemen, we just have to assume here. | ||
| Gentlemen... | ||
| If they're extracting fucking weed juice from weed, how long is it going to be until some motherfucker opens up a store and says, Joe Rogan, I'm going to put the shit you drink in the morning, and I'm going to mix it. | ||
| I don't take weed juice with that, which is all natural. | ||
| They're going to find out that weed juice mixed with the algae, the shit we drink in the morning, the shots. | ||
| It's going to be like that. | ||
| Well, you know that they say that when you juice weed or when you eat it, like you eat it like raw, it doesn't get you hot, but it's really good for your body. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Super, really, super healthy. | ||
| Start getting ready. | ||
| In a year, this is going to be obsolete. | ||
| Yes, people are still going to smoke pot, but you're not going to have to. | ||
| You can just go to meet Joey. | ||
| Did you bring the dripper? | ||
| It's going to be like a Visine. | ||
| It's going to be the Visine thing. | ||
| You can control it. | ||
| Look what's going on with soda now. | ||
| You can make soda at home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the dumbest shit in the whole entire world. | |
| Is it any good? | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
| You know when you go to a grocery store and it has the off-brand that's like 89 cents and it tastes like Coke but flatter or just not as good? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it is. | |
| And it makes no sense. | ||
| Is soda and pop really that expensive? | ||
| Where we have to make it at home? | ||
| I think the idea is you're supposed to be conserving somehow because, you know, you're recycling, using your own glasses. | ||
| It tastes like shit, though. | ||
| Now, what's the other thing they have? | ||
| The thing that you put in club soda or water? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| You remember? | ||
| You could buy it. | ||
| It's like vitamin something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You put it in your bottle of water. | |
| I see a lot of people at the gyms. | ||
| Now, I'll tell you what. | ||
| I don't know about you motherfuckers, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I know you remember this. | ||
| Remember when we were kids, how salsa used to come? | ||
| Salsa never came like this. | ||
| Yeah, it came like a tank. | ||
| When you were a professional alcoholic, that's what you had at your house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember New York Seltzer? | |
| Whatever happened to that? | ||
| New York Seltzer. | ||
| Is that still around? | ||
| Yes and no, but it's got to be at Jewish delis only. | ||
| They don't have them at a lot of... | ||
| But it's so weird. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid, I'd go to Ray Canella's house and we'd get grape Kool-Aid and put salsa in it from that gun. | ||
| It was the best thing I ever tasted in my fucking life. | ||
| Kool-Aid with bubbles in that motherfucker? | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| Do you guys know that this is one of the craziest fucking stories ever, and I think we've talked about this on the podcast, I'm not sure, but that the cocaine, you know, cocaine used to be in Coca-Cola. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And the people in New Jersey take it out now, yeah, we talked about it. | ||
| Did we talk about it on the show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How nutty is that that there's like billions of dollars in cocaine being made by a company that extracts it from the leaves they use to make Coca-Cola? | ||
| Cocaine never ends. | ||
| Like I said to you, it's the whole business. | ||
| Once you tap into the whole thing and you learn how to control it, like, all right, the cartel in the 80s, Pablo Escobar, those guys there. | ||
| When they were processing coke, that's what they were doing. | ||
| They weren't selling it. | ||
| They were getting it and selling a kilo for $6,000 and what you did was your business. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| That was how it started. | ||
| Then they said, wait a second. | ||
| We're going to become partners and get some of that from New York or wherever we're taking it from. | ||
| So instead of selling a key for $8,000 from now, we're going to get $16,000. | ||
| We're going to get 20% of their profits. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| And then they said, ooh, that's some good money too. | ||
| But they were paying people to transport it. | ||
| So I would come to Joe Rogan, Inc., and go, Joe Rogan, every week on Tuesday, you're going to transport 2,000 kilos at 5,000 a kilo. | ||
| Okay, that's it. | ||
| We're going to do that to you. | ||
| And then they did that. | ||
| Then Carlos laid there, got out of prison, and went to the cartel and said, this is what we're going to do. | ||
| I'm your new fucking partner at 50%. | ||
| You're going to process it. | ||
| You're going to do this. | ||
| I'm the one that's going to take it up to the state, sell it, set the pricing, control the routes. | ||
| He got the island off the coast, whatever, and he got the island there. | ||
| So now they ran it from A to Z. You follow me? | ||
| They controlled it from A to Z. They just weren't coke dealers no more. | ||
| The same thing's gonna happen with this weed. | ||
| The same thing is happening. | ||
| That these guys are getting a pound, they turn half of it into Keefe, they turn the other half into edible, and the other half they sell it 20 a fucking gram. | ||
| There's no loss in weed. | ||
| When they take the stems out now, they'll just throw that into mixing the edibles. | ||
| Did you hear about the weed they found floating in the ocean? | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| But it's Mexican weed, so nobody cares about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't hear about it. | |
| Yeah, they found like billions of pounds of weed floating in the ocean. | ||
| Two tons or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it dumped from like a plane probably, I guess? | |
| Could be, right? | ||
| They might have been running out of gas. | ||
| They had to toss it overboard. | ||
| But listen, we're growing the best weed right here. | ||
| Why is it even on the ocean? | ||
| So where was it coming from? | ||
| 180 bales. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| 8,000 pounds of weed. | ||
| Holy fucking shit. | ||
| 180 bales of weed found floating in the ocean. | ||
| And what do they do about that? | ||
| Do they have to burn it now? | ||
| They take it, they put it somewhere, and when they do a big cookout, they'll burn it. | ||
| Well, listen, they have medical marijuana. | ||
| Why doesn't the government sell it? | ||
| We could use that money. | ||
| Well, first off, they found the bales. | ||
| How much water got into those bales? | ||
| Sell it cheap. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| I've smoked fucking weed that's been dried from bales in the early 80s. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fucking horrible. | ||
| It tastes like salt water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| It's fucking horrible. | ||
| The things explode, the seeds. | ||
| Listen, that weed's got seeds in it. | ||
| We don't want to do that. | ||
| We could use that for edibles. | ||
| But the thing with that weed is they'll take the how many bales? | ||
| 180. By the time they burn those bales, the government gets to burn, there'll be 92 bales left. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You think they're trying to sell that stuff? | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| So what about the salt water and all that shit? | ||
| Some poor soul will fucking smoke it. | ||
| Some poor soul in like North Dakota where you can't get good weed. | ||
| Some poor fucking brother that likes to smoke blunts and make videos at his house. | ||
| What's the hardest spot in the country to get weed? | ||
| Where's the hardest spot? | ||
| In front of the Capitol. | ||
| In front of the Capitol? | ||
| That might be the easiest. | ||
| I know you ain't gonna get no weed at the fucking White House. | ||
| I think you get weed everywhere. | ||
| I think now in this country it's wide open. | ||
| Could you go on the streets like the old days? | ||
| I think if you had to, yeah. | ||
| Hey, dude, pull up Penn Jillette's rant on Obama and weed. | ||
| Penn Jillette fucking nailed it. | ||
| You know, Penn Jillette has a podcast now on Sundays on Adam Carolla's network, and it's called Penn Sunday School, and he went on this rant about how fucked up it is that marijuana is illegal and that people are in jail for it, and one out of six people in jail are in jail for marijuana. | ||
| And he went on this fucking brilliant rant, man. | ||
| And it really is, it's a shame. | ||
| Like, what's going on right now? | ||
| Arresting people for marijuana? | ||
| With all the information we have about how we, you know, we know it's not dangerous. | ||
| We know the laws are ridiculous. | ||
| It's a real shame when you see people getting arrested for it. | ||
| And he makes this intense point about it. | ||
| You know prison is a business? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know prison is a business, correct? | |
| We know, our president has said... | ||
|
unidentified
|
In his own book, Dreams from My Father, 1995, before entering politics, he admitted that he'd used marijuana and maybe a little blow. | |
| Maybe a little blow. | ||
| Which, as you know, is crazy talk. | ||
| Maybe a little blow is what someone who uses marijuana every weekend says. | ||
| If you used it once, you went, man, I used cocaine once, it was crazy. | ||
| But if you use it every weekend, you go, maybe a little blow? | ||
| That's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's such an odd, casual way to say, maybe a little. | |
| He has not left this to states' rights. | ||
| As you know, medical marijuana, as our good friend Joe Rogan will point out to you any time, medical marijuana you can get in California. | ||
| And the feds are coming in to try to stop this. | ||
| They're still arresting people, yeah. | ||
| States' rights don't mean jack shit to the Obama administration on anything except gay marriage. | ||
| What troubles me about this is, and it is not hypocrisy, because as everybody knows, hypocrisy doesn't bother me very much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you like hypocrisy. | |
| And so Obama... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And yet you feel this is worse? | |
| I think it's beyond hypocrisy. | ||
| I think it's something to do with class. | ||
| A lot of people have accused Obama of class warfare, but in the wrong direction. | ||
| I believe this is Obama chortling with Jimmy Fallon about lower class people. | ||
| Do we believe, even for a second, anybody believe, that if Obama had been busted for marijuana under the laws that he condones, Would his life have been better? | ||
| If Obama had been caught with the marijuana that he says he uses, and maybe a little blow, blow, cocaine, blow, this casual attitude toward drugs, a casual attitude toward drugs that makes him really cool! | ||
| On Jimmy Fallon. | ||
| Makes him the hip president. | ||
| I'm the cool president. | ||
| I'm the happy and happiest president. | ||
| I say weed. | ||
| I say blow. | ||
| It's all a big deal. | ||
| Ha ha ha. | ||
| Huge laugh from the college students. | ||
| And if he had been busted under his laws, he would have done hard fucking time. | ||
| And if he had done time in prison, time in federal prison, time for his weed and a little blow, he would not be president of the United States of America. | ||
| And he would not have gone to his fancy-ass college. | ||
| He would not have sold books that sold millions and millions of copies and made millions and millions of dollars. | ||
| He would not have a beautiful, smart, Wife. | ||
| He would not have a great job. | ||
| He would have been in fucking prison. | ||
| And it's not a goddamn joke. | ||
| People who smoke marijuana must be set free. | ||
| It is insane to lock people up. | ||
| Now, people bust me all the time for carrying on about how I've never had a sip of alcohol, never had a puff of marijuana, never done any drugs in my life. | ||
| They say, why do you always bring that up? | ||
| Well, maybe in this case it's okay to bring it up, okay? | ||
| I've never had a puff of marijuana. | ||
| I've never had maybe a little blow. | ||
| I've never even had a glass of wine. | ||
| Alright? | ||
| None of that shit. | ||
| But the people who do any of this stuff... | ||
| Do not deserve to be in prison. | ||
| Throw some numbers at me, Godot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
750,000 people in jail for victimless crimes, a great number of which are marijuana. | |
| One in six people in jail are there for marijuana. | ||
| Not one in six people of victimless crimes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, one in six is there for marijuana. | |
| One in six people in prison. | ||
| One in six people in prison. | ||
| It's a brilliant rant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One in six people in prison are in there for a week. | |
| I just love the rant, and if you want to listen to Pendula, it's Sunday School. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's fucking amazing. | |
| I want to meet him so bad. | ||
| We didn't figure this out 10 years ago. | ||
| I know, but come on, that's a great rant, Joe Diaz. | ||
| I'm wasting my time with this shit. | ||
| I'm wasting your time? | ||
| I came here to talk to you, though. | ||
| You know me, Doug. | ||
| Well, we're talking to you. | ||
| I'm talking to you right now. | ||
| Talking to me about... | ||
| It's a business. | ||
| What the fuck do you want? | ||
| Nobody knows prison's a business. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's a fucking business, guys. | ||
| It's important when a guy like Penn Jillette is a high profile guy. | ||
| You do for... | ||
| You break the fucking law. | ||
| You go to jail. | ||
| You sell weed against the law and 10 bales. | ||
| You get caught. | ||
| You go to jail. | ||
| I went to jail. | ||
| I'm responsible. | ||
| I learned how to fucking... | ||
| That's it. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| There's a law. | ||
| You cannot fucking do it. | ||
| You're going to go to jail. | ||
| Jail and prison are a fucking business. | ||
| They're a business. | ||
| That's why... | ||
| Get a ticket driving with the phone. | ||
| How much they tell you it is? | ||
| How much they tell you it is? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| $25. | ||
| Until you go down to LA County and it's $225. | ||
| Because you've got to pay the court costs, the prison fee, the judge's vacation. | ||
| It's a fucking business, guys. | ||
| They're going to raise the taxes now for fucking parking tickets. | ||
| It's a business. | ||
| What the fuck do you want me to do? | ||
| This is the oldest conversation in the book. | ||
| They should have legalized this after they shot Kennedy. | ||
| They didn't. | ||
| We're fucking fortunate that we live in California and we don't have to abide by this. | ||
| When was the last time you were at a store and they kicked the door down, Joe Rogan? | ||
| How about you, my friend? | ||
| So all this shit you guys talk about them kicking the doors, the feds, I've never seen it. | ||
| I go get weed every day. | ||
| Stop scaring these fucking white kids and getting them talking. | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| This is nonsense talk. | ||
| The day should come to jail. | ||
| I never drank. | ||
| So what? | ||
| So who gives a fuck? | ||
| It applies for everything, dog. | ||
| There's a lot of people who are in jail that get out every day on a DNA or whatever. | ||
| You break the law. | ||
| You sell five pounds of weed. | ||
| You got to go to jail. | ||
| It's a business. | ||
| You didn't do nothing wrong, but it's a business. | ||
| They have guidelines. | ||
| If you get caught with 30, 28 grams of blow, you have to do a certain amount of fucking time. | ||
| You get caught with a quarter ounce of weed, you have to do a certain amount of time. | ||
| You got caught with it. | ||
| Why are you crying to me for? | ||
| You got caught with. | ||
| I was a criminal for 30 years. | ||
| You ever see me get caught with blow? | ||
| With weed or blow? | ||
| No. | ||
| You follow me? | ||
| There's a way to do it and there's a way. | ||
| Now, how the fuck are you going to get caught with fucking weed and not think you're going to go to jail if you live in fucking Ohio or in fucking Kentucky or wherever? | ||
| You're going to go to jail. | ||
| I kind of see your point, but I also see his. | ||
| Because it's an important man. | ||
| It's brilliant, I know. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| It's not? | ||
| We got together with Fallon and the President's hip or whatever. | ||
| I don't give a fuck, dog. | ||
| You don't give a fuck at all? | ||
| I'm smoking. | ||
| Look, look, here. | ||
| Here's what I think about your whole drug thing. | ||
| Look, like the same thing I've rubbed my balls with for the last 32 years with the sativas and the bullshit. | ||
| Just get high, dog. | ||
| LAUGHTER You people had too much drama to the gift that God gave us again, huh? | ||
| You had too much drama. | ||
| I killed it. | ||
| I gotta put a thing at the end of the joint to be cool. | ||
| Meanwhile, you're smoking on a fucking electronic cigarette. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You're smoking an electronic cigarette. | ||
| But I'm smoking! | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| I'm smoking. | ||
| That's all that matters. | ||
| At the end of the week, that's all that matters. | ||
| Fucking people want to be intelligent all the time. | ||
| I can't wait to see you on stage tonight. | ||
| The fucking stupidity. | ||
| You're in rare form today. | ||
| One out of six people. | ||
| And three out of four people in there for rape and murder. | ||
| What are you telling me for? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joey Meatballs, calm down. | |
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who gives a fuck? | |
| To show people that you give a fuck. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I give a fuck. | ||
| I don't want people locked up in jail for weed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know my favorite thing, Joe? | |
| What if they came in here jackboot thug style and fucking haul you away for your little fancy pencil? | ||
| I've been doing a comedian for 20 years. | ||
| I drink from time to time. | ||
| Do I ever get behind of a car when I'm drunk and get a DUI? That's a choice you make. | ||
| These are all the choices you make, bro. | ||
| What are we getting at? | ||
| I know it's illegal. | ||
| I know it should be legal. | ||
| And I know that John Leonard's going to make a comeback. | ||
| But for today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| But for today. | ||
| 2000. For today. | ||
| But for today. | ||
| If you get caught smoking fucking in New York, you're going to jail. | ||
| I don't care what you said, bro. | ||
| I love hearing you talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Fuck. | ||
| I'm going to put up with this nonsense. | ||
| I love pendulum. | ||
| But I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I was going off yesterday. | ||
| I was saying how Joey Diaz would get mad about ketchup. | ||
| About... | ||
| Because everybody wants to hang up with this fucking Heinz ketchup. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or ranch. | |
| Have you ever talked about ranch? | ||
| Oh, I fucking hate ranch. | ||
| I don't know how the fuck people can eat that shit. | ||
| I don't know how people can eat ranch. | ||
| When I go to a place and I say, oh, you have wings, and they say it comes with ranch, I get up and leave, even if I don't get the wings. | ||
| Because if you're going to serve wings with ranch, I don't want to do business with you. | ||
| I don't want to do business with you. | ||
| I'm very easy. | ||
| I'm very fucking easy. | ||
| If you fuck up pork fried rice, what do we got to talk about? | ||
| Wings must be done with blue cheese? | ||
| Blue cheese. | ||
| Yeah, like the way they invented in Buffalo, New York. | ||
| If you're going to do something original, do an original. | ||
| You're going to show up with that ranch that smells like somebody's ass. | ||
| They're saying that ranch is starting to replace ketchup. | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| If you're a fucking hillbilly and you want to taste the ass in your mouth all fucking day. | ||
| I hate that fucking ranch shit. | ||
| Don't put it close to me. | ||
| Don't put it around me. | ||
| It's either blue cheese with wings or go fuck your mother. | ||
| That's the next shirt. | ||
| Alright, please. | ||
| You're going to give me a fucking ranch with fucking wings. | ||
| I can say it. | ||
| Blue cheese with wings and you're going to fuck your mother. | ||
| Go fuck your mother. | ||
| I don't need this shit. | ||
| You're going to give me ranch with my wings. | ||
| That's the next shirt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the next shirt. | |
| Let's see the blue cheese with wings. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| He's fucked up now. | ||
| He's eating blue cheese with wings and you go fuck your mother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking going to give me ranch and shit. | |
| How many people around me order a ranch? | ||
| Don't order that shit around me. | ||
| Do me a favor. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, this fucking podcast is over. | ||
| I gotta go and do David Tell's, Dave's Old Porn show today. | ||
| So, we got a show tonight at the Ice House. | ||
| It's not quite sold out, but it's really close. | ||
| I need two tickets for Jay from... | ||
| That week. | ||
| Oh, sweet. | ||
| There's only like ten left. | ||
| Two tickets. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| But it's icehousecomedy.com is the website. | ||
| You can buy tickets online. | ||
| The lineup tonight is spectacular. | ||
| It is Mad Flavor, a.k.a. | ||
| Joey motherfucking Diaz. | ||
| Brian Redband, a.k.a. | ||
| Rykel, if you're looking to give him something with a social security number intact. | ||
| Doug Benson is going to be all up in this bitch. | ||
| Ari Shaffir just texted me and said he's going to make it down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you serious? | |
| Yes. | ||
| He'll squeeze in. | ||
| And Dom Irera is coming down. | ||
| This fucking show is going to be off the chain. | ||
| Off the chain. | ||
| There's no way it's too many people. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's beautiful. | |
| We're going to ride this bitch right into the beach. | ||
| That's done. | ||
| That's done. | ||
| You shouldn't even invite anybody. | ||
| We're going to have a great fucking show tonight. | ||
| Whoever comes down, we're going to have a great show. | ||
| And we will also be broadcasting a podcast simultaneously. | ||
| We'll start before the podcast. | ||
| We say it starts at 9. It really doesn't start until like 9.30. | ||
| But 9-ish, in case we get crazy. | ||
| And if you're bored and you're in front, just leave it on. | ||
| And you'll find out what time it starts. | ||
| So that is called the Ice House Chronicles. | ||
| And you can watch it live on Ustream with the same channel, the Joe Rogan channel on Ustream. | ||
| But if you want to download the podcast, you have to get it from either iTunes or DeathSquad.tv. | ||
| And DeathSquad.tv is all of Brian's podcasts that he produces. | ||
| He's got a gang of them online. | ||
| And they're eventually going to be broken up into separate feeds now, right? | ||
| Is that how you're doing that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, some of the main shows are already on separate feeds on iTunes. | |
| But, yeah, we have, you know, Doug Benson's been stopping by a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's been on the last two XXX squads. | |
| And, you know, we have Muff said we had the vice or the guy that's behind Call of Duty on the last one. | ||
| We should be all on DeskWad Network. | ||
| We should all figure out a way to get ourselves all together on a website or something. | ||
| Let's do something where we're all in this thing. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We've been following a lot for three years. | ||
| But we have to figure out how to do this. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We really all should be together. | ||
| We'll figure out how to organize it. | ||
| Just to, you know, like... | ||
| We need to at least have a page on our website, like these are all the people that we associate with. | ||
| Desk Squad, honorary Desk Squad, you know we have like official Desk Squad, honorary Desk Squad, close associates, familiars, right? | ||
| Should we label these things? | ||
|
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Well, I'm trying to do that on Death Squad right now. | |
| I'm going to make like a link page thing on, you know, like what you were talking about with the grid and stuff like that. | ||
|
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I just need help with WordPress. | |
| Yeah, beautiful. | ||
| We'll hire somebody. | ||
| We need to hire somebody. | ||
| Yeah, so if you're a super master at WordPress, like you're just a badass. | ||
| If you've got some wicked websites, get a hold of Redband. | ||
| Get Redband at... | ||
|
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Redband at Gmail. | |
| Redband at Gmail. | ||
| Holler. | ||
| Wait for the wave of crazy. | ||
| Because here it comes. | ||
| All caps. | ||
| You fucking pussy. | ||
| Fuck your mother. | ||
|
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Just serious people. | |
| You have to have a portfolio and everything. | ||
| Don't be mean. | ||
| And don't be mean. | ||
| Now, serious inquiries tomorrow night. | ||
| I'm with these guys tonight. | ||
| I'll be at the Irvine Improv tomorrow night. | ||
| 8 o'clock show. | ||
| 949-854-5455. | ||
| That's tomorrow night. | ||
| Irvine Improv. | ||
| Thursday night. | ||
| I want to thank the people of Columbus, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh. | ||
| You motherfuckers are bad to the bone. | ||
| I'll see you motherfuckers in Buffalo on June 21st. | ||
| How about New York, man? | ||
| New York was fucking amazing. | ||
| I'm going to play this for you because you haven't even seen this. | ||
| This is you going on stage in New York. | ||
| I saved this. | ||
| I played this for Dom Herrera last night. | ||
| We both just sat and listened to it in my car with our mouse dropped. | ||
| Because this is you going on stage. | ||
| This isn't Coldplay. | ||
| This is Joey Diaz. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
|
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Ready? | |
| You got standing o's at all our shows. | ||
| No, people know what we're doing. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| I'm very proud. | ||
|
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That was one. | |
| That's New York. | ||
| No, you're getting on. | ||
| Joe, he hasn't even introduced you. | ||
| They're walking on stage right now and they're going fucking bananas. | ||
|
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You try to calm them down. | |
| Wow. | ||
| And that's me going, wow. | ||
| That's fucking amazing. | ||
|
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That's sweet. | |
| Now, I love you motherfuckers. | ||
| You're coming out. | ||
| You're supporting us. | ||
| We're getting better and better. | ||
| And I told you the dream. | ||
| By the end of the year, we're taking over this motherfucker once and for all. | ||
| New Year's, December 12th, we'll be ready for the Martians, whoever's showing up. | ||
| Yeah, whoever's showing up. | ||
| I don't give a fuck anymore. | ||
| We're taking it. | ||
| Yeah, we're thinking about starting compounds. | ||
| We're going to make our own tax-deductible religion. | ||
| Dog, I put the documentary out. | ||
| It's selling like hotcakes. | ||
| If you donate it, if you bought it, I give my heart to you. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| How do they find any of your stuff? | ||
| This one's on Payloads, the documentary, but we'll put it on iTunes next week. | ||
| So once it's on iTunes, I'll blow it up on Twitter and Facebook. | ||
| Is your CD still number one on iTunes? | ||
| It's number 11. It went down. | ||
| God damn it! | ||
| That thing went down from 1 to like 92. It went down like Brendan Schaub in Brazil. | ||
| You follow me down hard. | ||
| And what is it called again? | ||
| It's either you or the motherfucking priest, but you know what? | ||
| No, not the motherfucking priest. | ||
| Just you or the priest, right? | ||
| It's either you or the priest. | ||
| It's either you or the priest. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| We're going to bring it back up, Joey. | ||
| We're going to bring it back up today. | ||
| The documentary is where I got my balls from. | ||
| It's five bucks on payloads. | ||
| I appreciate everything you guys do. | ||
| Where I got my balls from is the documentary, and that's on payloads? | ||
| That's on payloads only. | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
| P-A-Y-L-O-A-D-Z dot com. | ||
| Powerful. | ||
| I love you motherfuckers. | ||
| And if they want to follow you on Twitter, it's Mad Flavor. | ||
| Mad Flavor. | ||
| Come to Facebook, too. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| We got subscribers. | ||
| At least you get to hear the shit I'm talking about. | ||
| I love you, Joe. | ||
| I love you, Red Band. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| I lost a link. | ||
| Every time I press... | ||
| It went away. | ||
| I didn't go on there for so long. | ||
| It just told me. | ||
| They threw me out of the fucking thing, you know? | ||
| We would be back. | ||
| Tonight. | ||
| Tonight for the Ice House Chronicles and tomorrow with Wildman Bert Kreischer. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| We love you guys. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
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Is it? | |
| Okay, I forgot to thank our sponsors, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| First of all, I'd like to thank unsolicited sponsors. | ||
| Defense Soap is a soap company that I use for grappling. | ||
| It's got like tea tree oil and all these probiotics, and it keeps you from getting mad herpes and nasty shit. | ||
| That's a thing that happens. | ||
| You get scratched up when you do jiu-jitsu. | ||
| You can get ringworm, and people don't know about that stuff. | ||
| You can even get staph infection, and people get really sick from it. | ||
| It's very dangerous. | ||
| And the way to keep your skin healthy is twofold. | ||
| One, probiotics. | ||
| Take acidophilus. | ||
| Very important. | ||
| Kombucha tea is another good probiotic. | ||
| But anything probiotic, that's very important. | ||
| But acidophilus is a really strong one. | ||
| It keeps ringworm dead. | ||
| And then two, use natural soap that doesn't fuck with the natural pH balance of your skin. | ||
| You don't want to use antibacterial soap because that stuff actually kills the good bacteria as well. | ||
| And what defense soap is, it has tea tree oil in it and all sorts of different eucalyptus, all sorts of different natural oils that are good for keeping the healthy flora of your skin safe from nasty cooties. | ||
| So that's DefenseSoap.com. | ||
| That's unsolicited. | ||
| That shit's for free. | ||
| And C2O Coconut Water, another unsolicited one because those guys are the shit. | ||
|
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Those guys are the shit. | |
| And I have replaced C2O as Gatorade. | ||
| I used to be a big Gatorade guy after a night of drinking or just whatever when I'm dehydrated. | ||
| Joey said it went sour, but I've yet to see this. | ||
| I will take all his C2O and drink it. | ||
| Thanks to The Fleshlight for sponsoring us. | ||
| Go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight. | ||
| Enter in the code name Rogan and save yourself 15% off with the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| And thanks to Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brand, which I took before the show, which is why I'm so motherfucking eloquent. | ||
| Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, 5-HTP Enhanced New Mood. | ||
| Go check all that shit out at Onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T.com. | ||
| Use the code name ROGAN and save 10% off any and all orders from now until you stop ordering. | ||
| We are done. | ||
|
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Hold on. | |
| One more shout out. | ||
| BallCancerSucks.com. | ||
| Go to the webpage. | ||
| Check your nut sack. | ||
| Order a t-shirt. | ||
| Put in B&B.20. | ||
| You're 20% off the t-shirt. | ||
| They're my new sponsors. | ||
| I love them. | ||
|
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Beautiful. | |
| Get your ball sacks checked. | ||
| And go check out Joey's podcast. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| Beauty and the Beast. | ||
| And go check out fucking NoHor Organic and get yourself your little fucking Eureka. | ||
|
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Boom. | |
| Sherlock, Sherlock, boom. | ||
|
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And buy a Death Squad shirt at DeathSquad.tv. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| DeathSquad.tv. | ||
|
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All right. | |
| We love you guys. |
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