May 8, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:57:38
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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The Joe Welding Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight. | |
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| This is a wonky-ass setup. | ||
| I can never get these fucking cameras to stay straight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hi. | |
| There you go, fella. | ||
| Uh, flashlight commercial, done. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'll give you a little more. | ||
| It's a fucking great product. | ||
| It's an embarrassing product, but it's excellent. | ||
| It's very effective for what it does. | ||
| Oh, these things are going to be on the space station soon. | ||
| I bet $100. | ||
| They should be on the space station. | ||
| Why should they make those people just stay up in space and not be able to fuck a little? | ||
| Not to mention, like, jerking off in space. | ||
| Yeah, I feel, like, strictly prohibited from having sex up there. | ||
| Well, yeah, because you're going to have your cum floating through the space station. | ||
| This is why the flashlight's great up there, because it catches your jizz. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It's perfect for the space station. | ||
| It's American. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's NASA. It's fucking NASA. It is NASA-type technology. | |
| I mean, it's the best-feeling false vagina you can get. | ||
| I shouldn't even say false. | ||
| Artificial. | ||
| Why wouldn't you say false? | ||
|
unidentified
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Why wouldn't I? Because it makes me feel bad. | |
| I'm judging it. | ||
| Artificial is better for you than false. | ||
| Artificial is better. | ||
| It's not false. | ||
| It's a real fake one. | ||
| It definitely feels like you're fucking a pussy. | ||
| A really good one, too. | ||
| And a dead one. | ||
| Especially if you go out of your way. | ||
| Well, you can make it warm. | ||
| Yeah, but you don't... | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| Anytime I'm about to fuck a flashlight, I'm way past heating up the thing. | ||
| Yeah, how often do you prepare and actually lay out some water? | ||
| Have some wine with it? | ||
| Heat a bath. | ||
| Put the flashlight in a bath so it soaks in the warm, warm water. | ||
| You'd have to figure out what's realistic. | ||
| Is 100 degrees realistic? | ||
| Are you fucking a girl with a fever? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| By the way, a marathon runner, a girl mid-marathon. | ||
| But I did, I did it once. | ||
| I did try to heat up the flashlight. | ||
| I was like, I'm gonna fucking, I put it under the sink and turned it, turned the water on hot and just let the hot water run through it. | ||
| And then I felt it and it's the same thing. | ||
| I'm like, fuck this, I'm fucking this thing. | ||
| Yeah, you have to poach it slightly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, what temperature? | ||
| What if you had, like, a crazy fetish for banging a chick that's dying of fever, and the one last thing she wants is you to fuck her. | ||
| Malaria chick. | ||
| She's just so hot and sweaty, and she's just shaking, and last gasps of air, and her favorite thing is fucking. | ||
| So she's like, just fuck me. | ||
| Yeah, and you would fly to villages in Africa that were, like, afflicted with malaria, and you would go there and pay the villagers money to let them fuck diving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, it's fucked up. | |
| As fucked up as that thought is, you know someone out there has it. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| You know, there's seven billion of us now. | ||
| How many people are there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I lost count. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, makers of AlphaBrain. | ||
| I didn't take my AlphaBrain before the show. | ||
| Let's see if I fall apart. | ||
| I take it before anything important. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's a neutropic. | ||
| I take it every day, essentially, but I make sure I take it, like, before I do the UFC, I take three or four of them. | ||
| Before I do comedy, I take three or four of them. | ||
| Usually, I only take, like, two in a day, maybe four. | ||
| What it is, is nootropics are, and by the way, this is just me. | ||
| I mean, it's not dangerous. | ||
| None of these levels are dangerous, but you might not like it. | ||
| You might think it makes you too jittery. | ||
| Like, I've had, like, I've taken three before in a row, and I'm like, man, this makes me feel like a little edgy. | ||
| Almost like I'm caffeined out a little bit. | ||
| But usually, two, two is good. | ||
| Two is good for stand-up. | ||
| Two is good for... | ||
| Anything intense is going to take more than four or five hours. | ||
| I'll usually take three nowadays. | ||
| They also seem to combat hangovers. | ||
| It's great for jet lag, too. | ||
| Whatever the fuck's going on in your brain when it's not working that well, obviously there's a lack of something. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But these nutrients, supposedly, the science behind it is that it helps your body produce human neurotransmitters. | ||
| It helps you produce all the shit that makes your brain fire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's what's that stuff called? | ||
| It's called, doesn't it have, it's the shit you take after you take ecstasy the next day. | ||
| Oh yeah, 5-HTP. That is a nootropic, yeah. | ||
| That's in the thing we have called new mood. | ||
| 5-HTP and also L-tryptophan because L-tryptophan converts to 5-HTP in the body. | ||
| And that enhances your body's ability to produce serotonin. | ||
| Yeah, there's ways you can manipulate the levels of nutrients in your body, and it has an effect, a real effect, on the way your brain works. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But don't just listen to me. | ||
| Please Google Nootropics, and there's a lot of other companies out there that have real good products. | ||
| I mentioned Bill Romanowski's Neuro One. | ||
| I like that one a lot. | ||
| And it's got, like, a little caffeine in it. | ||
| I've just released my own. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Beta Brain. | ||
| The mind of a guy who jerks off all day and shirks his responsibilities It makes it so that you can easily shirk your responsibilities without feeling guilty Like before I would play World of Warcraft for like four hours straight and I'd feel terrible Now on Beta Brain I can play World of Warcraft for two days straight Shit myself, piss myself, no shred of guilt It's great stuff guys So you compartmentalize essentially Yeah, you just don't feel the guilt. | ||
| Right, you just let it go. | ||
| The guilt just gets blocked. | ||
| Guilt's gone. | ||
| Long naps. | ||
| You could jerk off five times a day without feeling like a loser on Beta Brain. | ||
| Beta Brain, check it out. | ||
| We'll be looking into that as well. | ||
| If you're interested in Alpha Brain, go to jorogan.net, click on the link, enter in the code name ROGAN, and you'll get 10% off any and all orders. | ||
| We're absolutely not trying to rip anybody off of any of this stuff, and that's the reason why we have a 100% money-back guarantee. | ||
| On the first order of 30 pills. | ||
| When you buy it, if you like it, you don't even have to send it back. | ||
| Just say, this stuff sucks. | ||
| Give me my money back. | ||
| We are not trying to rip anybody off. | ||
| This is all stuff I would be taking, whether or not I had any financial stake in the company. | ||
| With Beta Brain, I have no financial stake in the company. | ||
| And with the first 50 pills you order, you get a lavender scented face mask for your naps. | ||
| It should be with Beta Brain, uh, for the first, you know, first three years of the company, all the money goes to all of your exes anyway. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, it's flowers. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Could you imagine if that was the way the world worked? | ||
| If you, you entered into contracts, and, you know, as you, as you left, like, you would have to agree to be with this woman, or pay for this woman for ten years. | ||
| What if it was... | ||
| And then they'll have sex with you. | ||
| What if it was just with friendship? | ||
| What if you had to get married to your friend? | ||
| After a certain amount of time being friends with people, you had to like, sign a contract that's like, we're gonna be friends forever. | ||
| Yeah, and you can't just miss them on a weekend once or twice. | ||
| You gotta be with them constantly. | ||
| No. | ||
| And if you fucking break that contract, you gotta give your friend like 10% of your income. | ||
| I bet people have done... | ||
| I mean, isn't that what gay marriage is, essentially? | ||
| It's just friends that fuck each other because they're dudes, right? | ||
| I mean, that's what marriage is. | ||
| Right, yeah, exactly. | ||
| It's friends that fuck each other. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's what having a girlfriend is. | ||
| It's a friend that you fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
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Girl... | |
| It's a girlfriend. | ||
| That's what they call it. | ||
| It's just a friend that you like to put your dick inside of. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| But somehow that act of doing that... | ||
| The moment you put your cock inside somebody... | ||
| Changes the game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You get so emotional, Duncan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, enough of that Alpha Brain talk. | ||
| That commercial is essentially over right now. | ||
| Well, there's New Mood, True Tech Sport, True Tech Immune, and Alpha Brain, all the different things that we sell it on at onnit.com. | ||
| Coming up, we've got kettlebells and a bunch of other cool nutritional things. | ||
| You know, Beta Brain also has a mood-enhancing drug. | ||
| It's called Blue Mood. | ||
| It makes it so that you can, like, really listen to Elliot Smith and fucking love it. | ||
| I wonder if someone could sell pills that made you depressed, people would buy them. | ||
| People would buy them. | ||
| I mean, look at what cigarettes are. | ||
| Cigarettes are something that makes you feel like shit and smell terrible. | ||
| And yet, it's super popular. | ||
| It kills people, and then it's super popular. | ||
| If you had depression pills, and you just had them out there, it would be like a news story. | ||
| News at 5. Is this new pill crossing the line? | ||
| It's marketed as depression. | ||
| And then you go there, and there's a chick with white makeup on and black lipstick, and she goes, life fucking sucks. | ||
| It's always fucking sucked, okay? | ||
| And when I take these pills, I see reality. | ||
| And that's what I want. | ||
| If you don't like it, fuck you. | ||
| What is wrong with the children of today? | ||
| And is this depression drug crossing the line? | ||
| Happiness is annoying. | ||
| When you're around happy people, they're fucking irritating. | ||
| If you're happy, you're a fucking piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's there to be happy about? | ||
| You're gonna fucking die in a few years. | ||
| Depression. | ||
| Wars raging everywhere. | ||
| You're really gonna walk around with a smile on your face in this economy? | ||
| Well, you know, it's really good to do depression with your girl. | ||
| Because when you get through it and it wears off, it's like you get to really appreciate how good you have it when you're getting along great. | ||
| Because when you take depression, it's really like going through one of those life-changing experiences on weird African drugs that make you almost die. | ||
| You know, they have a bunch of those crazy drugs that they give, like jungle drugs, where you almost die. | ||
| It's not quite a psychedelic experience. | ||
| It's almost like a near-death experience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They literally almost kill you. | |
| Pretty cool. | ||
| And you're supposed to learn something about yourself through this intense and horrible poisoning. | ||
| I think they're called ordeal poisons. | ||
| That's the actual technical term. | ||
| And they operate very similar to psychedelics in the way that they humble you. | ||
| Because it really brings you to the brink of death. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Your emotions are just blaring. | ||
| Your fears are blaring. | ||
| Your insecurities. | ||
| I think you're forced to examine your life in a very deep and realistic way in any real, true, near-tragic situation, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So I think you take these ordeal poisons and you just go through the ordeal of almost fucking dying and you learn a little bit about yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
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Sure. | |
| But goddammit, that's the hard way to do it. | ||
| That is the hard way to do it, but for a lot of people, that's the only way to do it. | ||
| Yeah, they don't have enough... | ||
| They live in a psychedelic-free environment. | ||
| They can't get it to them, so they don't have the means to get it to them. | ||
| Yeah, and sometimes even... | ||
| I mean, people will take psychedelics and still... | ||
| Be douchebags. | ||
| Be douchebags. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| You know that guy we were talking about before the show? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| There's a lot of them out there. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| It's almost like by taking it, it allows you to be a twat. | ||
| Because you've had the experience and you're allowed to stick it in someone else's face that hasn't had the experience. | ||
| They're children or they're a moron. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You're not better for having an experience. | ||
| You're just more experienced. | ||
| What's better is your overall impact on human beings. | ||
| And if just you've accumulated some extra information so you feel it's okay to be cunty, well that's not better at all. | ||
| You just moved your energy into a different direction. | ||
| You're not better. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're still being a twat. | ||
| Well, you're still differentiating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I mean, that's the... | ||
| In the Bhagavad Gita, it sort of talks about, like, signs of people who've gained real realization. | ||
| And one of the signs is that they don't differentiate between anything. | ||
| They see it as all an expansion of the same original force. | ||
| They don't see it anymore as like, this person's rich, this person's poor, this person's good, this person's bad. | ||
| It's all just different sides and angles of this superstructure. | ||
| That's so hard to think that way. | ||
| It's so hard to separate yourself from, you know, from you and your needs and your ideas of you and what you want and what you want to accomplish or whatever. | ||
| Whatever you associate with you and the idea that you're a part of a whole. | ||
| Well, you can intellectually imagine it, but really being in that state, the only time I've ever truly been in that state was when I had taken a huge dose of LSD and was out in the desert, and I remember just having that fading away, merging thing where you're no longer anything. | ||
| You're everything. | ||
| You just merge into it all. | ||
| And I don't know how you would really function in that state. | ||
| I don't really know what you would be like in the world if that lasted longer than the amount of time an acid trip is, or a few hours. | ||
| But they do say that through meditation and through strict yogic disciplines, you can hit that place permanently. | ||
| And somehow that place is nirvana or paradise. | ||
| It's a beautiful way to be all the time. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| I've only heard stories about people like that. | ||
| Descriptions of people like, he was a corpse that the universe spoke through is one great description of. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, the ego of the person was dead. | ||
| They're just gone. | ||
| But that guy would probably be boring as fuck to hang out with. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, part of what's cool about being a human being is being around people that have some flavor. | ||
| Yeah, hell yeah. | ||
| And you know, you see some of these people and they do seem to have flavor. | ||
| So, you know, I don't know. | ||
| The problem with talking about the holy men of the world, the great holy men of the world, is that I've never met one. | ||
| I've met some wannabe gurus. | ||
| I've met quite a few wannabe gurus. | ||
| And some of them, you know, they shock me with their humorlessness. | ||
| You know what though, dude? | ||
| I did do a video chat with Ram Dass. | ||
| Yeah, you said that was amazing. | ||
| And that guy was fucking awesome. | ||
| And it lit up my whole apartment. | ||
| And it was just you and him? | ||
| Yeah, no, it was me, him, and Natasha. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And how did you arrange this? | ||
| Well, on his website, you can still do it. | ||
| It's this thing called Heart to Hearts, where you can talk to him on Sunday, and you just go to the website and sign up. | ||
| I couldn't believe it either. | ||
| I thought there was no way it was going to work, or I thought they were going to try to ask for money from me or something, but I signed up for it. | ||
| Sunday, my phone rang. | ||
| Hello? | ||
| Duncan, it's Ram Dass. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, and then suddenly I'm like on this video screen with Rondos and he was glowing. | ||
| He was like, he's an old dude now, but he's, it was like exactly the same energy that my friend's eight-year-old kids have. | ||
| It was just this radiant, childlike, Authentic energy. | ||
| It wasn't phony. | ||
| It wasn't bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| We talked for a little while. | ||
| He told me this chant that he's been doing lately over and over again where he says, I am loving awareness. | ||
| I am loving awareness. | ||
| I am loving awareness. | ||
| It's a chant to just sort of, I don't know, shift your vibe. | ||
| And then that was it. | ||
| Said goodbye. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| They didn't ask for any money. | ||
| They didn't want anything. | ||
| It was just a... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, yeah. | ||
| It was just like service. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| That's fascinating. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| Yeah, it's like when you look at him and, you know, people who are psychedelic enthusiasts, you know, you look at someone like him and you go, there's a guy, he made it through. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He made it through. | ||
| He really grabbed it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He really grabbed the whole thing and it made him something different. | ||
| It made him what he is at the heart of the trip. | ||
| That's right, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, he... | |
| Because what happened is... | ||
| He went into that state and instead of going into that state and leaving and then that's it. | ||
| It was a novel experience. | ||
| He went into that state and said, I want to be in this state permanently. | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| Because he had, you know, he's a trained psychologist and he's like, we don't know what this is. | ||
| We don't have any maps for this. | ||
| We don't know what the fuck this psychedelic experience is at all. | ||
| Oh, so he was trying to, when he went to India, he was trying to see if this was a state that you could permanently reside in. | ||
| He wanted to stay high forever. | ||
| That's how much he loved tripping. | ||
| You know, when I come down quite often, I'm like, thank you, God. | ||
| I'm back to, you know, state zero ground. | ||
| I'm here. | ||
| He was like, okay, let's do this forever. | ||
| They were fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Him and Timothy Leary were, like, drinking from what I... Drinking! | ||
| Sipping vials of acid, sipping from LSD. You know, they were going so fucking deep into the experience. | ||
| It's so scary. | ||
| Fearless, fearless, intrepid explorers. | ||
| But he realized that you go into that place... | ||
| You have this contact, or whatever you want to call it, with some kind of either hidden interior realm or some kind of exterior realm that, as humans, our perceptual mechanism... | ||
| Yeah, and that's a pretty scientific way of looking at it realistically. | ||
| Hidden interior realm even being just a conscious one. | ||
| You know, a consciousness realm. | ||
| The fact that those ideas, why are they not available to me right now? | ||
| If it's all being generated interiorly, how come those ideas are not available to me right now? | ||
| Do I need some intense stimulation of different regions in order to give me that information? | ||
| I don't know how the process works. | ||
| I'm not exactly sure if other people know either. | ||
| I have the weirdest fucking feeling that when you take psychedelics, Or when you take even marijuana, that you're... | ||
| Part of what the experience is, is you experiencing the intelligence of a plant. | ||
| Part of it is, it boosts up your own senses into this weird, crazy, alien state. | ||
| And that's why being high feels so, like, disorienting and feels... | ||
| You're almost like not in your space anymore. | ||
| Your space is connected... | ||
| With some other intelligence. | ||
| And this other intelligence is showing you different avenues of thinking. | ||
| It's almost like it starts filling pores in your mind and pushing you in a certain direction until it wears off. | ||
| And then it wears off and it's alien to your system so your body gets rid of it eventually and then it's gone. | ||
| It only has a certain amount of love time inside of you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But while it's inside of you, it's like, it's changing you. | ||
| It's making you, like, super fucking sensitive. | ||
| It's making you super aware and honest, you know? | ||
| I mean, when a lot of people say, well, it doesn't do that to me, man, it just makes me paranoid. | ||
| Well, maybe that's just how you deal with stress, you know? | ||
| Because for sure, you're going to get moments, if you smoke too much pot, where you feel paranoid. | ||
| There's no getting away with that. | ||
| Everyone's going to have that experience. | ||
| But what is that really? | ||
| I'll tell you what it is, man. | ||
| It's like you're being aware of all the shit in the world all at once. | ||
| And all the shit that you're hiding in the back of your head. | ||
| And all the shit that's your worst nightmare that you're terrified that you're actually manifesting because you think about it all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when you smoke pot, all that shit comes to life. | ||
| And on top of that, you're just disoriented. | ||
| It's like surfing. | ||
| It's like surfing can be great. | ||
| Surfing can be like, I watch those guys when they look like they're having a great fucking time and I go, God damn, surfing looks like fun. | ||
| But you know when surfing doesn't look like fun? | ||
| When that wave comes over your fucking head and smashes you into the rocks and pulverizes your bones with a million pounds of pressure and you can't get to the surface. | ||
| Well, that's surfing too. | ||
| Yeah, psychedelics will definitely roll your ass if you don't know what you're fucking doing. | ||
| Especially if you fight it. | ||
| You try to fight it. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's people that are fighting reality every day. | ||
| And they often have like a... | ||
| Sort of a fake map of the world that they've devised in their head, and that's how they navigate. | ||
| They navigate through this fake map of the world. | ||
| But a lot of the little segments in their mind that they have associated with certain things and details, a lot of it is... | ||
| Delusional. | ||
| Because you're trying to protect yourself from your own failures. | ||
| Especially with men, I think. | ||
| Guys have these fucked up egos that are designed to make sure that you have a will to survive when a cheetah attacks or fight off another tribe so that your DNA stays intact. | ||
| That will is a fucking creepy thing, just running around through your vans. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What we're talking about here is what they call set and setting, which is like, when you're going to take a psychedelic, what's your mind state? | ||
| What's your emotional state when you take the psychedelic? | ||
| To the idea that, what's his name? | ||
| John Marko Allegro? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Yeah, John Marko Allegro. | ||
| Yeah, John Marko Allegro talking about how early Christianity was a mushroom cult. | ||
| And you go back and you look at the idea of when you're going to take communion or when you go to pray or when you go to the sacred place, you're supposed to forgive your brothers and your sisters because So the idea is, before you go into a psychedelic state, you need to, as much as you can, work out the shit that you're avoiding. | ||
| Because when you go into that psychedelic state, anything that you're trying to skip around, any of those aspects of your personality that need to be leveled or need to be Balanced are going to spring out at you in a million different ways that are really intense. | ||
| And if you're not prepared for that, then you'll have the bad trip. | ||
| And the bad trip is you hallucinate. | ||
| You can see crazy shit. | ||
| You'll look in the walls and see skulls. | ||
| Why are you seeing skulls, you know? | ||
| Why are you seeing bubbling skulls in the wall? | ||
| Well, you're seeing bubbling skulls because that's what you're projecting from inside of you because you're fucking scared to death. | ||
| You're scared to die. | ||
| You're terrified of letting go. | ||
| Your body doesn't want to die. | ||
| And until you deal with that initial thing, then all these other neuroses will spring up after that. | ||
| Your avoidance of reality, all the different weird ways that you're trying to avoid reality, which is essentially just trying to avoid coming to the terrain that you're on. | ||
| And the terrain that we're all on is fucking intense. | ||
| We're on a terrain where we are going to go extinct. | ||
| And, you know, who knows, depending on how old you are, you know, but depending on how much technology advances, between like 70 and 10 years, two years, one year, that's an intense realm to exist on. | ||
| You know, there's a situation right now in Fukushima, you know, the whole thing with the fourth reactor, they're terrified that if any seismic event occurred, like there's a zero chance of surviving a seismic event, and that they would have another blown reactor, and we and that they would have another blown reactor, and we were talking about it on the podcast. | ||
| And someone made a clip of it and put it on this website where it's like, and people were like discussing this, like this is a serious issue. | ||
| One of the things that I was saying was that we're going to have spots in this world because of nuclear power where for hundreds of thousands of years it's going to be dead. | ||
| Wastelands. | ||
| Yeah, dead. | ||
| And there's a bunch of them. | ||
| And there's a bunch more plants out there that could make a bunch more spots dead. | ||
| And this has just been less than 100 years we've been doing this. | ||
| We've already got three giant spots where you can't go to anymore. | ||
| Yeah, and have you seen the places where they store the nuclear rods? | ||
| They have special places like caves and stuff that they put it in. | ||
| And I believe that on the signs around the place... | ||
| They actually have like skulls and shit. | ||
| They have things. | ||
| So in case society collapses and everyone forgets and thousands of years pass, you go wandering up to that place and there's this fucking skull. | ||
| And you just recognize, okay, this is a cursed place. | ||
| Nuclear power is one of the dumbest, most brilliant ideas ever. | ||
| It's so dumb and so brilliant at the same time. | ||
| Humans have a lot of hubris, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is a ridiculous one, though. | ||
| I mean, we're fucking with something that there is no technology to clean it. | ||
| There's no technology to turn it into anything other than toxic, lethal, horrible, killing shit. | ||
| Yeah, it sucks, man. | ||
| It's like the... | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| The exuberance of... | ||
| When that stuff initially came out and people thought that they discovered endless fuel sources, that exuberance was everywhere. | ||
| It really seemed like the most beautiful... | ||
| It seemed like we were entering into utopia, I think, for a while. | ||
| But it's so, it's, you know, the joke I was doing in my act about it was that, did anybody ask them, like, what happens when the power goes off? | ||
| Somebody was like, dude, you're being negative. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, there had to be, like, some sort of a stupid argument, where no one considered the possibility that the power could go off. | ||
| You could lose both backup generators. | ||
| You have no other way of fixing this. | ||
| You just built a sun. | ||
| You built a little tiny sun, and you're just gonna leave it there. | ||
| Like, that's insane. | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean... | ||
| And you can't cool it off. | ||
| You can't cool it off. | ||
| It's a demon. | ||
| Basically, you've summoned a demon that you can't send back. | ||
| Yeah, that is a demon. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It really truly is. | ||
| Like, you have summoned a demon when you have nuclear power. | ||
| If you really stop and think about that, if a demon existed, and in his very presence, he was poisoned in the environment, no plants could grow, I mean, that is a demon by definition. | ||
| Anyone that gets near him dies a horrible, twisted death, that's a demon. | ||
| Yeah, this is something people don't understand with like cult talk where people talk about demons, like summoning demons and summoning spirits. | ||
| They take that shit literally. | ||
| So they hear someone saying, you know, I'll invoke these things to summon a demon. | ||
| And so then a lot of great movies have been made after the literal interpretation of that. | ||
| But every fucking day, man, not just on the grand scale with us summoning nuclear power, But in little ways, people fucking summon demons into their life all the time with no thought of how to get rid of it. | ||
| You know when people shoot heroin? | ||
| That's summoning a fucking demon. | ||
| You've been told by every single other necromancer who summoned that demon, that shit will fuck you up. | ||
| But people who do heroin, they always start off with, you know what, I'm just going to do it once. | ||
| I just want to see what it feels like. | ||
| Everyone does that. | ||
| And then you fucking end up under a fucking bridge with three cocks in your mouth. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| All from summoning this one stupid fucking demon that has just destroyed so many people. | ||
| And heroin. | ||
| Demon's a great word for heroin. | ||
| Because it offers you something. | ||
| Because so many people, they say, oh yeah, fucking, uh, Jimi Hendrix, love this stuff. | ||
| Or, uh, Elliot Smith, listen to how beautiful his music is. | ||
| You can go on and on about the people who shot heroin and, like, made beautiful stuff. | ||
| So there is an exchange. | ||
| I mean, doesn't that kind of tickle around in your head? | ||
| Lenny Bruce was blasting the shit. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Doesn't it kind of tickle around? | ||
| You're like, what the f- what? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Maybe there is a little land, like you rise up and see this landscape that you can't see from the psychedelic perspective. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| It doesn't seem to be worth it, whatever it is. | ||
| All I look at is what makes you happy. | ||
| I don't see people taking heroin and getting super happy from it. | ||
| Everyone that I've ever known that did heroin, the come down from it was unbelievably bad. | ||
| Like bone jarring. | ||
| They would say your bones would ache. | ||
| That's how they would describe it. | ||
| Terrible drug. | ||
| You never see any marathon runners who are shooting I had a friend who was a good buddy of mine that lived in New York and came to visit me. | ||
| And I didn't know when he was coming to visit me that he was trying to kick heroin. | ||
| And what he was going to do was just come and hang out with me at my house in California and kick heroin with me. | ||
| So I did not know. | ||
| I didn't know how bad he had it. | ||
| I hadn't seen him in a couple of years. | ||
| So he flew out and the dude was just in bed sick for like six, seven days. | ||
| He couldn't go anywhere, man. | ||
| I would get him food and shit and he couldn't go anywhere. | ||
| He came with me to work one day. | ||
| I was on news radio. | ||
| He came and just sat around the set. | ||
| But he couldn't move around, man. | ||
| The dude was jacked. | ||
| It's amazing to see that, isn't it? | ||
| It's amazing to see the traps that we set for ourselves in the world that are completely avoidable, but for some reason we always set these traps and then they smash on us and we go through this awful period and then if you're lucky you get out on the other side. | ||
| That kind of goes back to what you were talking about, this idea of like having that near-death experience or having this awful catastrophe happen in your life. | ||
| If you handle it the right way, You can become a million times stronger and better from that catastrophe. | ||
| People don't realize that, so they're always putting off what could essentially be the thing that makes them happier than they've ever been in their life. | ||
| Well, that's kind of a weird way of looking at it. | ||
| You could possibly be happy because of a catastrophe, or it could be horrible. | ||
| You could lose someone you love. | ||
| I don't think all catastrophes will necessarily lead to great revelations, but I think occasionally it can give you an enhanced perspective. | ||
| Something that happens to you. | ||
| The most interesting people that we all know are people that have gone through a lot of shit in their life. | ||
| A lot of crazy experiences. | ||
| The having to overcome terrible things and places is sort of what makes them exceptional. | ||
| That's right, man. | ||
| But there's a certain group of people who like to live pretending that catastrophes will never happen to them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is a ridiculous way to live. | ||
| Yeah, the people that are overweight smoking every day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I have a friend who, I guess he's like 60, and he smokes two packs a day, and he'll tell you, he's always making excuses, like, They've even said now that it's all either you have the gene or you do not. | ||
| So there's a lot of people that will smoke cigarettes and never. | ||
| I've been smoking cigarettes for 40 years. | ||
| Obviously, I don't have the gene or I don't have cancer. | ||
| I went to the doctor. | ||
| My doctor says, you look great. | ||
| You look great. | ||
| The doctor's looking at you and he's like, you smoke how much a day? | ||
| And you're like, two packs. | ||
| And he's like, you look great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You look great. | |
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| What is he going to do to someone who's fucking intentionally poisoning themselves all day? | ||
| You're intentionally poisoning yourself all day. | ||
| Not even one pack, you glutton. | ||
| You glutton nicotine vampire. | ||
| Two packs a day, all day. | ||
| Of course your doctor's going to tell you you look great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You look great. | |
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I'm going to see you soon, though, bitch. | ||
| You're going to be back soon. | ||
| You're going to be back for some crazy shit. | ||
| I'm calling my uncle up right now. | ||
| My uncle's an oncologist, and we've got our eye on you. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, that's incredible. | ||
| I never thought of what a moneymaker smokers are for doctors. | ||
| Well, of course. | ||
| I mean, if you're a doctor, you want your people, well, if you're a real doctor, and it's obviously people that don't operate for money, you know, they operate because they love being an excellent surgeon or an excellent doctor, and, you know, we're not disparaging the medical profession at all. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| But, if you were like some money-grubbing crazy doctor, but there are a few of those out there, right? | ||
| Yeah, I've heard of them. | ||
| Yeah, there's, if we're down then, there is some money-grubbing, like Michael Jackson's doctor. | ||
| Dude, what? | ||
| That fucking crazy guy. | ||
| I have I'll show you man. | ||
| I've got fucking fillings in my mouth That don't need to be there because my dentist as it turns out was giving unnecessary So I've got like I got fucking what a monster and I When I was a kid, I just thought I naturally was always getting cavities. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| What a monster. | ||
| I was getting blasted with fucking leather. | ||
| This guy's ruining kids' teeth, drilling into kids' teeth and making money. | ||
| I hope he's in jail. | ||
| Is he in jail? | ||
| That's not just fraud. | ||
| I would beat the fuck out if you drill holes in my kid's head that didn't need to be there because you're trying to make money. | ||
| Like that fucking judge. | ||
| Oh my god, I would want to beat the fuck out of that dentist. | ||
| Wouldn't it be great to mash his fucking head? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could you imagine anybody that would do that to a little kid? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Just to make some money? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That's a big... | ||
| This is something that... | ||
| This is a facet of reality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so scary. | |
| That I can't imagine. | ||
| Like, what mind state do you have to be in? | ||
| Especially your fucking dentist. | ||
| You're already making great money. | ||
| Like, why do you need the extra cavity, though? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I mean, how... | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| How can you justify that? | ||
| That would make... | ||
| I would never sleep. | ||
| I would have to find that guy in prison. | ||
| I might get arrested just so I can go to prison with him. | ||
| Or find out what prison he's at. | ||
| He's fucking... | ||
| I mean, if it was my kid, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, I would literally, I would want to get arrested and put a cell near him just so I could beat the fuck out of him after he got arrested. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's a lot of... | ||
| I just wouldn't be able to deal with it. | ||
| Some guy drilling into your baby's head to try to make himself some extra scratch because he likes to be a big shot at a restaurant and buy a nice bottle of wine. | ||
| Is that what's going on? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Fucking asshole. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, who knows? | ||
| But think of it. | ||
| The thing to me is like, there's a lot of people out there who live like that. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that are sociopaths. | ||
| I mean, you've seen the studies. | ||
| There's been, you know, I believe it was Time Magazine or someone recently had some article about a new book that's out. | ||
| It was something like one in a hundred. | ||
| One in a hundred people are just fucking sociopaths. | ||
| Remember the guy who recently went rampaging through that kid's camp? | ||
| Was it in... | ||
| Where was it? | ||
| Norway? | ||
| Was it Norway? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Norway. | ||
| He went rampaging through that camp just killing fucking kids. | ||
| And over there, they don't... | ||
| They're not like the United States. | ||
| They don't have a death penalty. | ||
| So like, they're giving this guy a fair trial and they made a big show of the fact that we're going to do this. | ||
| There's not going to be some kind of... | ||
| A crazy, visceral response to this. | ||
| And so in the trial, the guy apparently is going into a detailed account of how he went walking through this camp and shot kids who were hiding from him and shot kids and how they tried to run and how he found some of them by thinking where he would hide if he was one of these kids. | ||
| And he's enjoying it. | ||
| He's getting off on it because he's a sociopath. | ||
| It feels good for him to tell the story. | ||
| So in these situations, sometimes I think, Has pacifism gone too far in this situation? | ||
| The guy clearly shot a bunch of kids. | ||
| Why do we need to discover his true motivation or what his real crime was? | ||
| We know what the crime was. | ||
| There's a bunch of dead kids because this guy went rampaging through. | ||
| Sometimes, don't you think you can go too far on the side of 100%. | ||
| Yeah, why? | ||
| Yeah, well look at the Dalai Rama, man. | ||
| Dalai Rama seems like a great guy, but he's never gotten a blowjob in his life. | ||
| That's a stupid way to live. | ||
| We don't know that. | ||
| He says he doesn't have sex. | ||
| Oh, he does? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He says he doesn't have relations. | ||
| He says he sees a woman, he's attracted to her, but he realizes it's too much work. | ||
| It's just, you know, he laughs about it. | ||
| But that's silly. | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| You're missing out on a big chunk of life. | ||
| I think he's humped. | ||
| I think he's got some pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, I would hope so. | ||
| I wouldn't hate him for it. | ||
| I think it would be a good thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would love him for it. | |
| But he's a monk. | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, but I mean... | ||
| Isn't that like part of the whole thing, is the celibacy, the idea that, you know, you're beyond the needs of the flesh? | ||
| Yeah, there's like the... | ||
| I mean, I don't... | ||
| Honestly, I've heard with Tibetan Buddhism that there's some tantric sex that happens in there, and... | ||
| We should probably Google this, right? | ||
| Yeah, please do, because that's... | ||
| Yeah, is the Dalai Lama... | ||
| Is the Dalai Lama celibate? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Celibate. | |
| I'd love to know that. | ||
| Yeah, it seems like an interesting question. | ||
| This keyword sucks a fat dick. | ||
| I mean, I guess that I understand why monks say to be celibate. | ||
| If it's not an ethical decision, I understand, like... | ||
| The complication that can come from fucking people is ridiculous. | ||
| Spectacular. | ||
| Spectacular. | ||
| It's conflagrations. | ||
| Like, lifelong conflagrations. | ||
| You can bring a being into life. | ||
| Yeah, you can. | ||
| It's a pain in the ass. | ||
| Yeah, it's a pain in the fucking ass, man. | ||
| He's not only supposed to be a virgin, yeah. | ||
| He's a virgin. | ||
| Well, there you go, ladies. | ||
| The Dalai Lama's origin. | ||
| Dude, have you heard about that glue in India that you blast into your balls to clog up your seminal... | ||
| Yeah, you sent it to me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| It's load glue? | ||
| Load glue. | ||
| It's the new male birth control that apparently is not as permanent as getting... | ||
| A vasectomy? | ||
| It lasts between five and ten years, but they essentially just put airplane glue or some kind of gel into your... | ||
| They just glue you up! | ||
| So you can't... | ||
| Your jizz doesn't have the fucking worms in it anymore. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| You're poisoning your loads. | ||
|
unidentified
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How could that possibly be good? | |
| You're going to make zombie babies. | ||
| Your loads probably smell like rubber cement. | ||
| Could you imagine if that was like the beginning of the next fucking 28 Days Later type movie? | ||
| It turns out that you shoot some shit into your loads, but it makes zombie babies that eat their way out of your pussy. | ||
| Yeah, that's fucking great. | ||
| That's a great horror movie, man. | ||
| Bites the doctor and the doctor becomes a zombie. | ||
| Zombie doctor fucking furiously attacks all the nurses. | ||
| They all stab each other. | ||
| They come into a fucking puddle, slippery of blood. | ||
| A bunch of zombie fucking doctors biting each other and shit. | ||
| All from one fucking zombie, baby. | ||
| All from one zombie baby, from one zombie load that was created by this crazy drug. | ||
| An Indian doctor created it. | ||
| Just a tornado of infection spreads through the nation from this one hot point. | ||
| They call in Dustin Hoffman in their fucking space suit. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| He knows that he just had that procedure done to his balls. | ||
| And he shot a load into his girlfriend and she's pregnant. | ||
| So the suspense of the movie is wondering if his girlfriend... | ||
| He's got a zombie baby in her. | ||
| This is a great movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a great movie. | |
| Directors out there, let's get this made. | ||
| Whoever made Troll Hunter, please contact us. | ||
| Troll Hunter. | ||
| Troll Hunter's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's really fun, man. | ||
| I know, I love that movie, man. | ||
| It's a fun movie. | ||
| The foreign one, right? | ||
| The one in subtitles? | ||
| Oh, wait, no, I thought you were talking about the worst movie ever made. | ||
| No, this is actually not that bad. | ||
| It's about a guy who goes and hunts trolls. | ||
| There's, like, real live trolls. | ||
| It's a... | ||
| Oh, Troll Hunter's fucking awesome! | ||
| Yeah, Troll Hunter, yeah. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's really fun. | ||
| And it's shot, like, found footage. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, Troll Hunter's the best, man. | ||
| That was really good. | ||
| It's a fun movie. | ||
| More movies like that, please. | ||
| That was fucking awesome. | ||
| I love stupid movies, man. | ||
| Like, I'm so looking forward to The Avengers. | ||
| So much so that I feel like I'm getting away with something by being able to watch it. | ||
| You know, like, I'm... | ||
| 44 years old. | ||
| At a certain point in time, I'm supposed to be past that. | ||
| I'm supposed to be interested in mature things. | ||
| But I'm not. | ||
| I want to watch the Hulk fuck somebody up. | ||
| Let me tell you something, man. | ||
| That fucking idea of maturity, or how you're supposed to act at some certain age, what the fuck is that idea? | ||
| Because the way you're supposed to act is so boring. | ||
| Just act like you're just a dying old piece of shit. | ||
| You don't like fucking super insane special effects anymore. | ||
| You certainly don't like video games. | ||
|
unidentified
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My kids are doing music these days. | |
| You go to bed at 10. You know, like, fuck that. | ||
| Whose idea was that anyway? | ||
| That was just like a control freak boring guy. | ||
| It's like, this is how an adult acts. | ||
| Yeah, well, it gets to a certain point in time where you compromise your thinking every day, so much so for work. | ||
| You know, if you have to go in and every day you've got to sell vacuum cleaners, and you're a dude, I guarantee you there's some days where you don't want to go in and sell fucking vacuum cleaners. | ||
| You don't want to not swear all day. | ||
| You don't want to wear a tie. | ||
| But you've got to. | ||
| That's part of the job. | ||
| And so one of the ways to sort of keep that going, where you're extreme, is to make the whole rest of your life less extreme as well. | ||
| No more fun shit. | ||
| You need a sensible car. | ||
| You can't drive a Mustang. | ||
| You need to stop getting drunk on the weekends. | ||
| You've got a job. | ||
| You've got to become SFW. Safe for work. | ||
| Safe for work. | ||
| Yeah, and that's why they're allowed to drug test you. | ||
| That's one of the most incredible things that we've let happen in this country. | ||
| Employers are allowed to drug test Their employees. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| The idea that someone, you pay for a person's work. | ||
| You don't own their flesh. | ||
| You don't own them as a human being. | ||
| Especially when we're talking about stuff like medical marijuana, which is actually supposed to be legal in California. | ||
| There's a lot of places where you still can't get a medical marijuana prescription. | ||
| You can't get an exemption and work for a lot of different companies. | ||
| They won't have it. | ||
| They won't hire you. | ||
| They don't want any potheads. | ||
| Yeah, it's a real problem because With corporations, I just learned this word and I really fucking love it. | ||
| It's called diffusion of responsibility, which is the idea that in corporations the responsibility gets so many people make decisions on things that no one person's to blame, right? | ||
| So you know in the corporation, somewhere in the corporation, not everyone's anti-marijuana, just a couple of cunts. | ||
| And you don't know who they are, but they got that in there. | ||
| They're all you know at some meeting they just got it in where other people didn't agree with them and they didn't speak up That's what's annoying about it. | ||
| You know that this is coming from just a few dipshits The majority of people have no problem with it fucking Nancy Pelosi. | ||
| Did you see she came out against Obama? | ||
| Did you see that shit? | ||
| What'd she do? | ||
| She fucking what she pointed out the fact that Obama's busted more dispensaries than Bush did and Wow. | ||
| Because she's pro-medical marijuana, and she talked about all the help, how many people it actually helps, and like, what the fuck is Obama doing? | ||
| Why is he arresting all these people when we voted on it, you know? | ||
| Diffusion of responsibility is another place that's used. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's in rape. | ||
| Oh yeah, right. | ||
| Where one person is much more likely to be able to rape another person when there's a big group of people around. | ||
| Because nobody knows who should act first and everybody feels like it's not their responsibility because there's so many people. | ||
| You always gotta act first. | ||
| That's the rule. | ||
| Always act first. | ||
| If you see someone on the fucking street who doesn't look like they're doing okay, stop and ask them if they're okay. | ||
| If you see somebody's car is fucked up on the side of the road, not a flat. | ||
| What if it's the first zombie? | ||
| What if you go, are you okay? | ||
| And that fucking bitch leans over and bites your arm in half. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And blood's screaming. | ||
| You're screaming as you're driving to a hospital. | ||
| You turn into a zombie and crash into a tree. | ||
| Look man, there's like a 90% chance if you see someone on the street and try to help them that they're probably the first zombie. | ||
| It could happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| It could be the other 10%. | ||
| Hey man, look, I'm not taking any chances. | ||
| When the zombie apocalypse hits, you don't want to be fucking patient zero. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or one. | |
| What if you see a rape happening and you try to stop it and it was just a dude trying to rape a zombie? | ||
| Or a zombie trying to rape a dude. | ||
| That would be a lot scarier. | ||
| Because if like... | ||
| Raping zombies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the next step! | |
| If a dude was raping a zombie, you'd go, he's an idiot. | ||
| Why would you want to rape a zombie? | ||
| That's the next evolution of zombies. | ||
| Because we made them run. | ||
| Now they're raped. | ||
| Now they rape us. | ||
| Yeah, being an ultimate fighting champion, that's not badass enough. | ||
| You need to be a zombie raper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Have you ever raped a zombie? | ||
| And the thing about raping a zombie is they'll fight hard, but no one cares if you beat the shit out of them. | ||
| You could, like, let zombies loose in the field, and you could just go beat the shit out of them. | ||
| No, dude, this is a sketch. | ||
| I actually wrote a sketch like this. | ||
| The problem is zombies can infect you, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Only 28 days later, zombies can infect you. | ||
| Well, no, the... | ||
| Biological warfare zombies. | ||
| There's different explanations, and... | ||
| The Walking Dead's got a really fucking good one that I... I could spoil a lot of shit to say it, but there's a lot of different explanations for it that's pretty cool, the way that the creators of these stories come up with, like, what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I mean, there's no rule for it. | ||
| It could be anything. | ||
| But is, uh, does... | ||
| In The Walking Dead, it's a biological thing where it infects people. | ||
| But there's movies where they come out of the ground. | ||
| So obviously that's not what's up with those. | ||
| No, that's a whole thing. | ||
| Those are different ones. | ||
| That's like... | ||
| I mean, which ones do they come out of the ground? | ||
| That's Return of the Living Dead. | ||
| Yeah, that kind of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One of my favorite fucking... | |
| Fucking genius goddamn movie. | ||
| Genius fucking... | ||
| You know why it was great? | ||
| Because the zombies could fucking talk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So remember they had that lady strapped to the table? | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| They had that lady strapped to the table who was like a half-lady relationship. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| And they're like, they asked her, because no one's asked the zombie. | ||
| They asked her, why do you eat brains? | ||
| Remember that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brains! | |
| Oh my God. | ||
| It's great, dude. | ||
| Because we never get to really interview a zombie. | ||
| I remember that now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They would call out brains. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brains. | |
| Brains. | ||
| Oh, that was such a good thing. | ||
| Dude, that was a great... | ||
| I mean, I was confusing that with Night of the Living Dead. | ||
| But Return of the Living Dead is actually better. | ||
| Return of the Living Dead, they pop out of graves. | ||
| Night of the Living Dead, as I recall, the opening of Night of the Living Dead, remember it's in the graveyard and he's trying to scare his girlfriend and she's like, who's that man walking back there? | ||
| And there's some dude kind of walking far away. | ||
| This is when zombies couldn't walk fast. | ||
| And so he just kind of ambles up to the guy and like, It throws him down, the guy hits his head on a gravestone, and then she's like driving away in terror, but we never know if that zombie emerged from a coffin. | ||
| I think that was somebody who was like, I don't think, I don't think, yeah, first of all, you're not going to get out of a fucking coffin if you're a zombie. | ||
| Zombies are already weak. | ||
|
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Are they weak? | |
| Well, they all vary. | ||
| Night of the Living Dead zombies, weak, slow, lumbering, purely retarded. | ||
| So if you were a really good kickboxer, you could probably keep a lot of them off of you. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| You break their body. | ||
| A lot of leg kicks. | ||
| A simple moat. | ||
| A simple moat would fix most of the... | ||
| But if they bite you, you're fucked, right? | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| You're a zombie now. | ||
| If you get bitten by a zombie, you're a zombie. | ||
| Is that Night of the Living Dead as well? | ||
| That's Night of the Living Dead, Return of the Living Dead. | ||
| I think all of them share the idea that if you get bitten by one, you turn into one. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| I thought you had to die in some of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And then you come back as a zombie. | ||
| Well, I think in all of them. | ||
| In all of them. | ||
| Not in 28 Days Later, remember? | ||
| You just get one bite and you're fucked. | ||
| Remember when that chick hatcheted her boyfriend? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She macheted him and he's like, it's just a scratch. | ||
|
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And she just fucked you and just whoosh, whoosh, whoosh with a fucking machete. | |
| She macheted him in the kitchen. | ||
| That was radical. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| That was a great fucking movie. | ||
| That's the greatest zombie movie of all time. | ||
| 28 Days Later, in my opinion, is the greatest because it's the most original. | ||
| The whole scene when the guy wakes up and he doesn't know what the fuck is going on, that's really the same scene that The Walking Dead has used. | ||
| They've used the same sort of theme. | ||
| This guy wakes up in the hospital and he doesn't realize that the world has turned into a fucking zombie shithole. | ||
| How do you get to do that? | ||
| Um... | ||
| That's sort of the same scene as 28 Days Later. | ||
| You know what we'd have to look into is which came first. | ||
| 28 Days Later are the Walking Dead comics. | ||
| Because that comes from the Walking Dead comics. | ||
| So whichever came first... | ||
| Well, let's find out. | ||
| Walking Dead comics. | ||
| The best Walking Dead comics. | ||
| Buy them if you haven't. | ||
| They're so fucking good. | ||
| How many years do you think they've been around for? | ||
| I don't know, but I, like, for a long time, there's a lot of them. | ||
| And it's a, it's, the show is good. | ||
| I love the show. | ||
| The show gets a little too soap opera-like, but the fucking comics are just brutal, and just, if you, if you haven't downloaded them to your iPad, buy them, because they're fucking awesome. | ||
| Mmm, let's see, Wikipedia. | ||
| This is cool that we can figure this out instantly. | ||
| Yeah, we live in a fucking beautiful time, man. | ||
| Some guy said something really recently. | ||
| I'll go look at it after I figure this out. | ||
| 2003. Is what? | ||
| Is first issue of the Walking Dead comics. | ||
| So now, let's look up Return of the Living Dead. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| 28 Days Later. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah. | |
| Sorry. | ||
| 28. I think that was earlier. | ||
| I'm pretty sure, but I'm just guessing. | ||
| Let's see... | ||
| 2002. Ooh. | ||
| It's earlier. | ||
| Son of a bitch! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's so close that it might have been parallel thinking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, who knows? | ||
| These guys... | ||
| First of all, it's kind of like, if you were going to make a zombie movie about a big apocalypse, wouldn't a cool way to do it be wake up and... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I mean, everybody's afraid you wake up and you're going to get up in the morning and nuclear bombs had already dropped. | ||
| You know what else it serves? | ||
| What purpose it serves? | ||
| Is you don't have to explain how it happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because you start at the beginning of the guy waking up, so you don't really have to go into the whole shit preceding it. | ||
| Which, by the way, I fucking love. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dawn of the Dead? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember Dawn of the Dead in the fucking news studio? | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| It's all falling apart. | ||
| It's just starting to fall the fuck apart and people are trying to like rationalize what's happening and SWAT teams are going in and just blowing the shit out of people and all of society is collapsing. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I like starting at the collapse of society and then going into the post-apocalyptic state. | ||
| I hate movies that are the lead up to the disaster where like... | ||
| 80% of the movie is like the lead up and then you just get 20% of Apocalypse. | ||
| I like fucking 90% Apocalypse. | ||
| You know what's a really cool movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It's weird. | ||
| It's very original. | ||
| It's called Pontypool. | ||
| I think it's a Canadian movie. | ||
| And it's about these people that are... | ||
| They're in a radio studio. | ||
| The whole show takes place, the whole movie takes place in like essentially one scene. | ||
| It's one area. | ||
| It's all in this radio studio. | ||
| They're trapped in there while this zombie apocalypse is raging to their town. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's pretty fucking cool. | ||
| It's fucking cool, man. | ||
| Yeah, and the people that were working with them become infected, and they're trapped in the sound booth. | ||
| They realize that these things are blind, but they can hear you, and they can smell you, and they're, like, trying to get at them through the glass. | ||
| It's pretty fucking cool, man. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| It's, like, a real low-budget sort of a movie, but I found it to be pretty original. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude... | |
| If you know what I'm saying, it's like one of those, you want to watch something creepy? | ||
| Let's watch something creepy at night. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| Have you seen The Road or read The Road? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, that's the Hugo, Vigo Morgan. | ||
| I watched that up until the point when he was teaching his son how to shoot himself in the mouth. | ||
| And I was like, check, please. | ||
| I think the author of that book was Cormac McCarthy, I think. | ||
| I can't remember the name. | ||
| The book was insane. | ||
| But that fucking movie, man. | ||
| To me, that really captured what it's going to look like. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| That's what it fucking looks like. | ||
| Just want people desperately trying to find food. | ||
| Because even the walking dead, they're trying to find food, but somehow, I guess they're on a farm and part of it, but they end up with some pretty nice home-cooked meals. | ||
| And people are like... | ||
| People have, like, setups where they have big fences and crossbows. | ||
| Yeah, and they look healthy. | ||
| They look like they've been taking vitamins and going on a fucking treadmill. | ||
| Because they have, because they're actors. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But the fucking, the road, the road, man. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody looks good. | ||
| Yeah, it looks like they told nobody to eat for, like, days before you shoot. | ||
| Pale and stressed out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That would be the way to do it, too. | ||
| If you were going to be one of those method guys, one of those Gary Oldman motherfuckers, I bet he would not eat for a couple days. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you don't eat and you drink a lot of fucking coffee and you lose a lot of sleep and you get into a nice fatigued state of, like, stress. | ||
| Because that's what it is. | ||
| That's what it's going to be like, man. | ||
| It's going to be fucking pure stress. | ||
| You're probably going to die. | ||
| You're probably going to get arrested. | ||
| You're probably going to watch a friend die. | ||
| You're probably going to watch your girlfriend get raped by some fucking super powerful dudes who are just like, fuck it! | ||
| And it's not going to be like the criminals that you see on Mad Max. | ||
| They're gonna be dumber than those. | ||
| It's just gonna be dumb people who have power. | ||
| Just dumb people with a gun. | ||
| That's gonna be the problem when the fucking grid shuts down. | ||
| Dumb people with guns. | ||
| And it is entirely within the realm of possibility. | ||
| It's ignored, but it's entirely within the realm of possibility. | ||
| This is so fragile. | ||
| We have a house made of toothpicks and tissue paper, and it's on the edge of a cliff. | ||
| In relationship to how our civilization is set up and structured for longevity in this incredibly volatile galaxy, and this incredibly volatile solar system, just the planet itself, all the natural shit that can go down, and on top of it all the dumb fucking shit that we're doing, like nuclear power. | ||
| fucking assholes. | ||
| You want fucking proof of that? | ||
| Go check out the Dark Ages. | ||
| Go look at what the fucking Catholic Church did to our species. | ||
| This is where it gets crazy about the Catholic Church, dude. | ||
| The Catholic Church molested our species when they were in their teens. | ||
| When our species was just fucking getting shit going, the Catholic Church came in and just started torching people, burning people, killing people left and right, wiping out entire civilizations all in the name of Jesus and all of this from an interpretation of the fucking uh new testament uh which is paulian theology from a guy who never met christ and some people speculate uh the real disciples thought he was a liar called him a liar called the paul a liar | ||
| which is why when you look at the epistles from paul a lot of times he's defending himself he's like i'm not a liar i mean why would you say this to me because the real disciples were like hey dude who the are you so he was like a late night infomercial salesman there you go exactly and that shit got adopted by the roman empire because they wanted to go to war and they just were like yeah let's use this we're We can use this. | ||
| Let's figure out a way to make love your neighbor as yourself and love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul into going into the Middle East and stealing all their gold. | ||
| Let's figure out a way to do that. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| Here's an idea. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There are heathens. | ||
| Let's go over there and kill the motherfuckers in the name of the guy who said, don't kill anybody. | ||
| You know, we've had this really intense series of conversations with people about conspiracy theories lately. | ||
| Both pro and con, like having Brian Cowan who doesn't believe in any conspiracy theory, and Eddie Bravo who believes in a lot of conspiracy theories. | ||
| But the most fascinating thing to me is how many people will just blatantly dismiss conspiracy theories. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Like, 9-11 is my favorite one. | ||
| You cannot dismiss 9-11 as a conspiracy theory because it was a conspiracy that caused 9-11 from the enemy in the first place, okay? | ||
| Someone conspired some big event and made... | ||
| Some human beings made planes fly in the buildings and a bunch of people died. | ||
| That is a fact. | ||
| The idea that... | ||
| That no one could conspire to do that is ridiculous, because it had to be a conspiracy in order for it to happen in the first place. | ||
| There's a lot of people involved. | ||
| They had to keep their mouths shut. | ||
| They had to pass information through in JPEG form. | ||
| They would fucking send things to each other by sending each other innocuous-looking emails with pictures in them. | ||
| And then people would take those pictures and open them up in a program that would allow to see writing in between the ones and zeros of the image. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| That's pretty dope. | ||
| I always look at this shit from the perspective of like, whenever you get to be in any kind of corporation, if you go to a high enough level, you realize that people stop following the same rules that everybody just followed. | ||
| Like I can remember, I used to work at this summer camp in North Carolina called Camp Pinnacle, and I can remember like, I went to camp there too as a camper, but I can remember at one point, I can remember at one point, At being a counselor and then like the people who ran the camp came during the time when all the kids are supposed to be taking naps to my cabin like hey come on and then we went out in the lake and just floated on inner tubes and I was like fuck this is breaking all the rules but it's the people running the camp breaking the rules so it's totally cool Wow. | ||
| But that's a tiny, tiny, micro example, but it's the same thing all over the place up top, where it's like, look, dude, don't worry about that cocaine charge. | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh, how much do you owe in taxes? | ||
| Don't worry about that. | ||
| We'll take care of that, man. | ||
| Well, how about when presidents leave office and then dismiss a whole bunch of people? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, who are these pardons? | ||
| Presidents are allowed to, like, just give wide-open pardons to a gang of people for doing all kinds of creepy shit. | ||
| Yeah, why do they get to do that, you know? | ||
| That's a crazy rule. | ||
| You get to bypass the whole legal system, and they have, like, a list. | ||
| It's not just one person. | ||
| Like, they have a personal cause, and there's a guy who's unjustly accused, and I think this man needs to be pardoned. | ||
| No, no, no, it's not that. | ||
| There's a list. | ||
| They get, like, 20 or 30 of them or something crazy. | ||
| Oh, sure, man. | ||
| How many do they get a pardon? | ||
| I don't know, but... | ||
| I bet it's an unlimited amount. | ||
| I bet there's some fucking checks coming in, though. | ||
| Because I feel like somebody's abused it recently. | ||
| Like, maybe Clinton. | ||
| How many pardons does the president get? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what it be? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| God, this keyboard sucks. | ||
| That's crazy, though, man. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| So, yeah, I think fucking conspiracies happen because they happen in the smallest levels of society. | ||
| Why wouldn't they happen in the highest levels of society? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Yeah, of course, man. | ||
| It's everywhere you go, man. | ||
| Unless people, like, are operating under the illusion that politicians are honest or don't, like... | ||
| Presidents can pardon as many people as they want. | ||
| So they can pardon everyone. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| So if you were the president, like, if Obama got pissed and went out of office as the last attack, he could be like, I'm pardoning every prisoner in every prison all over the country. | ||
| Yo, dude, sweat this. | ||
| President Clinton issued 456 executive clemency orders, 395 pardons, and 61 commutations between 93 and January 20th of 2001. That's amazing. | ||
| President Bush has 191 pardons. | ||
| Jimmy Carter granted amnesty to all Vietnam-era draft dodgers. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| That's pretty beautiful. | ||
| So Obama, when he gets out of office, he could pardon all people in there for medical marijuana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know who dodged the draft in Vietnam? | |
| Ted Nugent. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Because he's such a pro-war guy, but there's a depiction of what he did. | ||
| I don't know if it's true, but he definitely didn't go to war. | ||
| But now he's super pro-war as he's gotten older. | ||
| Pro-war is a weird stance. | ||
| Well, the idea of pro-America, I mean, look, if we really were living in the Game of Thrones, you better be fucking pro-America. | ||
| You know, you better be, like, down for this one team, because otherwise some Dothraki hordes from the other side of the world might fucking hop on a ship and come over and jack you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| It was very important back then. | ||
| But as we're connected by the Internet, the idea of countries is becoming less and less relevant. | ||
| It's all about local government, And laws, and the whole world is one big fucking connection. | ||
| The whole world is one big piece. | ||
| That's why all these people in the Middle East are freaking out. | ||
| The real rally and cry for freedom is coming from the internet. | ||
| That's how they're using Twitter, and they're using Facebook to communicate with, and, you know, that's all emanating from the internet. | ||
| Well, man, I heard this thing, and, like, I never read it. | ||
| I think a teacher told me this, and I never explored it. | ||
| I'm sure I'll find out now, though. | ||
| But it was this idea that About communism and how Karl Marx said that real communism was going to be a natural evolution of society into real communism, not something imposed, something that's just a natural, obvious result of people getting smarter and understanding the way things work. | ||
| Money aids in a lot of things. | ||
| What it does is it gives you an incentive to innovate. | ||
| It gives you an incentive to work hard. | ||
| It gives you something to show a score, which a lot of people like to see. | ||
| If you want innovation... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm definitely not a communist. | ||
| No, I know you're not. | ||
| I'm definitely not anti-money, but what I'm starting to see I'm happening is that the more that you work in like little collectives with people, the more you help the people around you, you know, as much as you can, just the people directly around you, the more that group rises up and succeeds, right? | ||
| And this is the idea of the, you know, new form of like podcast networks, which is where you have like, Like my friend, he's doing a podcast network called Feral Audio. | ||
| An idea is just a group of people that are like plugging in together and like sharing profits. | ||
| This is the new model of things. | ||
| It's a collective of artists and people. | ||
| Well, I mean, I'm not sure if the podcast world represents a microcosm of the entire, you know, universe. | ||
| Well, no, no, but here's the thing. | ||
| This is what's beautiful about it, and this is why I bring it up as a new thing. | ||
| The reason that it's... | ||
| The reason we can do podcasts, and the reason, like... | ||
| like seeing comedians shoot their own special owners because we have more access to technology than we had before. | ||
| And technology is shrinking, getting smaller, which is basically creating a situation where collectives form instead of the pyramid, Illuminati, top-down power structure where someone owns the equipment and gets the majority of the dough. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like everything's shifting, widening out, spreading out. | ||
| And that's why these fucking tyrants in the Middle East, it doesn't work when people have information. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| Well, you know, I've always remembered when they were talking to Muhammad Ali, because when I was a kid, I remember when he had gotten... | ||
| When he had fought Michael Spinks, it was on television. | ||
| It was like a big deal. | ||
| I remember my parents were trying to explain to me when I was a kid like what had happened. | ||
| That they had kept him from fighting. | ||
| Like my parents wanted to see him fight. | ||
| I can't believe my parents were into fighting at all. | ||
| But they wanted to see Muhammad Ali beat Leon Spinks. | ||
| It was like some important fight. | ||
| And their idea was that this guy was like a cultural hero. | ||
| Because what he had done was stepped up and said, why would I shoot a guy in Vietnam? | ||
| No Vietnam man ever did anything to me. | ||
| And he's right. | ||
| And he was 100% right. | ||
| And everybody knew it. | ||
| And it made sense. | ||
| And because of that, they punished him. | ||
| And they wouldn't let him box for three years. | ||
| They took away his livelihood in the prime of his career, like physically. | ||
| Yeah, that phenomena that you just described has been going on since the history of top-down power structures. | ||
| This book I'm reading, now I can't remember the name, it's so fucking good, but it's got a picture of Copernicus standing before Catholic popes and being judged for talking about the fact that the earth revolves around the sun. | ||
| You know, it's like this is a people say the truth throughout history and many people have gone to jail or gotten burned at the fucking stake for it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think the last time I drank this energy It's pretty mellow for an energy drink. | |
| A lot of it is natural, it's like B12 in it and shit. | ||
| Did these guys sponsor you? | ||
| No, it's just a friend of mine. | ||
| Lime light! | ||
| Powerful lime light. | ||
| My friend Tom Atencio, he used to run Affliction, and he was the guy who put together the, or one of the guys who put together their mixed martial arts cards that they had, and I always appreciated that, that he did that, that Affliction supported MMA. So I became friends with him. | ||
| And I was wearing their shirts for a little while, but then they fired him, so I quit out of respect for my friend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I avoided my partnership with them. | |
| But he sends me soda now. | ||
| He's cool as fuck. | ||
| He's a good dude. | ||
| I just really respected what he and his company did for MMA. They really supported a lot of fighters. | ||
| They supported a lot of fighters by promoting them. | ||
| They put on actual shows. | ||
| They had, I think, three big shows. | ||
| And some of them were fucking great. | ||
| They were great fights. | ||
| They put together some wild fights. | ||
| But they just found out it's way too expensive. | ||
| People don't realize how much money the UFC spends behind the scenes, like how much it costs to keep the machine running. | ||
| It's an amazing amount of work. | ||
| There's so many people behind the scenes, and all of them have a long history. | ||
| And the UFC has this big name. | ||
| It's hard to fuck with that. | ||
| It's like to try to make a rival football league, even if you have a lot of talent, you Man, everybody knows what the NFL is. | ||
| You know, they tried that shit a couple of times. | ||
| They tried it with the XFL. Remember, it was like Vince McMahon, the wrestling guy, tried to do that. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's hard to get people to, you know, and the UFC is consistent with getting the best talent. | ||
| Consistently get the best talent. | ||
| Like, what's her name? | ||
| Oh, yeah, Ronda Rousey? | ||
| No, the girl who walks around with the number. | ||
| Oh, Ariane? | ||
| Oh, man! | ||
| She is beautiful! | ||
| She's got a perfect face. | ||
| Oh, my God, perfect everything, man. | ||
| Her face is just, she has a flawless face. | ||
| It's like, wow, so pretty. | ||
| What's really funny about watching her is she's gotten down this casual wave to the hordes of pervs who are screaming at her, like, not acknowledging the fact that it's like, It's like an apocalypse now. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| By the sea of testosterone. | ||
| She does this little side like two finger wave. | ||
| Do you remember that scene? | ||
| That was a great fucking scene in Apocalypse Now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That seems so real. | ||
| Totally real, man. | ||
| If you had ever seen it, what happens is these guys are over there fighting at war. | ||
| It's only men. | ||
| There's thousands of them. | ||
| They fly in these Playboy Playmates and they're like dancing around on stage and it just gets angry. | ||
| It becomes like a mosh pit of gorillas and eventually they have to abandon and fucking fly out of there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, that was one of the best. | ||
| That movie was so fun. | ||
| Did someone get left behind in that scene? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I should. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Can I ask an important question? | ||
| I think a lot of UFC fans wonder this every day, me included. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Ariani. | ||
| Does she have a boyfriend? | ||
| I do not know if she currently has a boyfriend. | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| Well, we're dying to know, because we all feel like... | ||
| Do you think everyone has a shot? | ||
| I know! | ||
| That girl gets bombed on by... | ||
| I can't... | ||
| By princes! | ||
| Of course. | ||
| She gets bombed on by the Rothschilds. | ||
| She gets bombed on by people who, like, transform into a reptilian in front of her. | ||
| Here, take a diamond. | ||
| She wouldn't do this, but if she wanted to. | ||
| She wouldn't, but if she wanted to. | ||
| She's the type of chick that can get some, like, Middle East king to fly her out for, like, a million bucks. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Yeah, easy. | ||
| A million bucks a night. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Fuckin' for 10 million. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, when you have a trillion bucks, like, from what I understand, there's, like, royal families that have so much money, and their money's not public. | ||
| Like, when people look at, like, who's, like, the richest man in the world, oh, it's Bill Gates, or it's... | ||
| It's probably not. | ||
| It's actually probably some dude in the Middle East that doesn't talk about it at all. | ||
| And, you know, some prancer. | ||
| Like, they have extraordinary amounts of money. | ||
| And I don't think that a lot of times it gets measured up in the same pile. | ||
| I might be wrong about that, but from what people have told me about really, really wealthy people in the Middle East, there's some of the wealthiest people on earth. | ||
| That it's like insane, staggering amounts of wealth. | ||
| The thing I like to think about is like maybe... | ||
| You know like when you walk by a school and you see all the kids playing in the playground. | ||
| Some of them are fucking playing like four squares. | ||
| Some of them are running around playing tag and they're just having a blast. | ||
| Sometimes I think maybe that's what society is. | ||
| Maybe we're... | ||
| Just like kids playing around in this playground that's been created by really, really smart, super wealthy people who kind of watch and watch. | ||
| Maybe they have some fun with us. | ||
| They throw shit in there every once in a while just to play around. | ||
| They're so fucking powerful and rich. | ||
| They don't need to go in there and seem like they're famous or act like they're magical. | ||
| They just like to watch. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Every once in a while they'll throw in something crazy. | ||
| Every once in a while they'll throw in the AIDS virus or toss in. | ||
| Well, when you have power for no reason, which essentially everyone at the very top of the heat pass, there's no reason why you should have power. | ||
| Okay, now if you have power for no reason, you know that... | ||
| It's not like you earned your power through your basketball skills, you know, the fact that you shoot a wicked three-pointer, or you're awesome at the violin. | ||
| No, there's no real tangible skill that you present that anybody else couldn't also have. | ||
| You know, I mean, what is vague characteristics like leadership and intelligence, the ability to speak well? | ||
| Goddamn, there's a lot of people that have that. | ||
| Yeah, there's thousands of people out there in your neighborhood that can do that, okay? | ||
| So they know that you have to be treacherous in order to retain this power. | ||
| When you see different laws every day that are being brought up, like the National Defense Authorization Act and all this other different stuff. | ||
| When you see civil liberties getting eroded and you see corruption getting eroded, there's your evidence. | ||
| That is the exact evidence that you need to know that the people that are in a position of power Shouldn't be in power. | ||
| They're trying to get more and more and more control. | ||
| Why are you trying to get more and more control? | ||
| Why are you actively trying to get control? | ||
| Instead of dealing with the issues that we already have, dealing with the crime that we already have, dealing with unsolved murders or what have you, instead of devoting your time into that aspect of helping society with law, instead of doing that, you're trying to take away civil liberties. | ||
| You're trying to erode people's freedoms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the purest sign ever that the people who are in a position of power shouldn't be in a position of power. | ||
| It's really sad, too. | ||
| It's pure. | ||
| There's no arguing it. | ||
| There's no denying it. | ||
| Obama can never deny it. | ||
| If you brought it up to him, there's nothing he could say. | ||
| There's no way anybody could say, for your own good, we need to take away your ability to send a private email to somebody. | ||
| You can't have that. | ||
| Well, what they say is they inevitably... | ||
| One thing that they'll always say is it's complicated. | ||
| It's a very complex system. | ||
| You don't understand. | ||
| There's a lot more to it than just legalizing marijuana. | ||
| There's a lot more to it, Joe. | ||
| It's always complicated. | ||
| Vampires love complication. | ||
| They love tangles and complexity and the opposite of simplicity. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because they fucking hate the truth. | ||
| And the truth is always simple. | ||
| The truth is always just a very simple thing. | ||
| You know, you jump off a cliff, you're going to die. | ||
| If you fucking don't eat, you're going to be hungry. | ||
| Tweet. | ||
| Fucking vampires, they will take a truth and they'll transform it and extrapolate so much shit from it that it turns into a fucking lie. | ||
| And then they say, you know, we can't. | ||
| It's just too tangled up. | ||
| The world's economy is just too confusing. | ||
| This is why we've got to exploit these people. | ||
| This is why we've got to throw farmers in jail because it's complicated. | ||
| This is why we're at war. | ||
| We can't just not go to war. | ||
| It's complicated. | ||
| It's always complicated. | ||
| But in... | ||
| In real life, it's not complicated. | ||
| There's nothing fucking complicated about, you probably shouldn't throw bombs places where there's kids. | ||
| That's like if you see somebody throwing bombs in a place where there's some kids, you're gonna be like, you know, you probably shouldn't do that. | ||
| It fucking kills kids. | ||
| Insurgents. | ||
| Insurgents could be in that, oh, you mean fucking farmers who are sick of you driving tanks through their opium fields? | ||
| Is that the insurgents you're talking about? | ||
| Well, you've seen the original video from WikiLeaks, right? | ||
| The collateral murder video? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where it shows the helicopter shooting missiles and shit into a car that has kids in it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And they, you know, and someone says his kids, well, you know, they shouldn't have been taking their kids while they're carrying guns. | ||
| I mean, whatever the fuck they said. | ||
| You know, you shouldn't have had your kids with you. | ||
| As if they should have thought about that, since they're the enemy. | ||
| They should have, you know, they were innocent. | ||
| They shot a bunch of innocent people. | ||
| It was a complete, total clusterfuck. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's not complicated. | ||
| It's a real simple thing about life. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| There's some simple ideas, Matt. | ||
| You're not supposed to shoot into cars that have kids in them. | ||
| You're not supposed to shoot into cars that have kids in them. | ||
| And also, if you send out good energy into the world, you get good energy back. | ||
| There's another basic principle that you can test all day. | ||
| Test it next week. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't even zoom in to see if the people do have guns. | ||
| They just fucking gunned them down, man. | ||
| To have that ability and that kind of power, and they're saying, oh, we're pretty sure this guy's got a gun, and this guy's got a gun, and they're like, permission to engage, and they get permission, they just fucking open up on these people. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| Those people don't exist anymore. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| And we wouldn't even know that that is happening. | ||
| We wouldn't even know. | ||
| Have you seen the new video, the Blackwater video that's been released recently? | ||
| No. | ||
| The Young Turks had it on that guy, Senk. | ||
| I really like that guy's show. | ||
| He's fucking fearless, man. | ||
| He attacks everything. | ||
| He attacks, like, he goes after that Peter Schiff guy. | ||
| You know, Peter Schiff, when he starts, you know, making excuses for Wall Street. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, and the way to fix this. | ||
| And he's just like, no, you, and he calls him out on it. | ||
| He's like, you just want to keep extracting more money from the system. | ||
| You just want to keep, you know, you're talking bullshit, and he cut him off. | ||
| And I liked it, man. | ||
| It was interesting. | ||
| But he was talking about this, and he was, you know, he was talking about how, what was the fucking law? | ||
| What was the law that was passed? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Shit. | ||
| I've completely lost my thought. | ||
| What was his fucking thing about? | ||
| The Young Turks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I didn't see it. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Goddammit. | ||
| Look, let's rewind a few steps back. | ||
| All this macro shit, man, thinking about the macro, the conspiracy... | ||
| Yeah, but this is going to drive me crazy if I don't remember what this fucking guy's video was about. | ||
| Oh, the Iraqi... | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| This is why. | ||
| It was so disturbing. | ||
| I'm probably trying to forget it. | ||
| It was watching the Blackwater guys. | ||
| The Young Turks made a video about this and exposed it and showed... | ||
| There's new videos that have been released that were like from the actual cars of the guys in Blackwater that were driving around smashing into people's cars. | ||
| One of them, they hit a lady while she was walking across the street. | ||
| And you see the guy, see the lady go down, go, oh, shit. | ||
| And they just drive on. | ||
| They just left her there. | ||
| And they're smashed into people's cars. | ||
| They're sticking their guns out the window and just randomly shooting at things. | ||
| It's really fucking crazy. | ||
| It's really crazy to watch, man. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| And that's just... | ||
| There's no getting around that. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| You know what you were talking about? | ||
| making the Catholic religion or any kind of crazy cult that wants to have some sort of justification for doing something really fucking wrong will read you some huge, huge volume and tone on why it is that what they're doing is the correct move for everybody else in the long run. | ||
| When you show a video like that, is that correct move using mercenaries, man? | ||
| You see how crazy this is? | ||
| You got people that are willing to kill people for money, and you're paying them a fuckload of it, and you're letting them just run amok. | ||
| I mean, this is a problem that will always exist as long as power structures are triangular instead of circular. | ||
| And there's no way around that, man. | ||
| There's always just going to be that. | ||
| There's no way around that. | ||
| And the problem is, when power structures are triangular, they don't usually... | ||
| The people at the top of that fucking triangle, the pyramid, they don't... | ||
| They won't listen to logic. | ||
| They don't care about what's right or what's wrong. | ||
| They're not going to listen to you. | ||
| You have to take the power from them. | ||
| That's what the idea of the fucking... | ||
| Well, they have to die off, too. | ||
| That's the other possibility. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, let's hope. | |
| Let's hope they die off because it's been a few thousand years and they don't seem to be going anywhere. | ||
| It's just they take different forms. | ||
| They put on different masks. | ||
| And admittedly, the violence is lessening. | ||
| And lessening, so maybe the violence will dissipate to nothing. | ||
| I had no idea, man. | ||
| I've been reading this fucking book about what the goddamn Catholics did to the fucking Cathars, is what they were called. | ||
| Wikipedia, that. | ||
| The Cathars just got exterminated by the Catholic Church. | ||
| Just burn at the fucking stake, man, for believing a different version of Christianity. | ||
| It could have been a threat. | ||
| Well, this is a long time ago, obviously. | ||
| It's just amazing that in 2012, after all the time and all the supposed shit that we had learned from the Dark Ages, and today, even still, you've got this video released, this Blackwater video, of people just going to a foreign land and just fucking people up. | ||
| You know, it's... | ||
| That is at the very peak of our society when it comes to like causing change and damage and that is like the highest, most impactful part of our world is war, right? | ||
| And as far as, like, destruction and as far as, like, that's, like, society at its breaking point or its boiling point. | ||
| And it seems to stay at that same level. | ||
| It seems to stay at that same level where we're always just that close to fucking everything up. | ||
| We're always that close. | ||
| And, like, as good as it ever got was, like, when Clinton was in office. | ||
| It didn't really seem like we were going to war anymore. | ||
| It seemed like the Soviet Union had kind of fallen apart and we're the only big dog in town. | ||
| We're pretty cool and we're not going to fuck with anybody. | ||
| So it felt like everything was going to be okay. | ||
| But then it went right back up to its boiling point. | ||
| And you realize that boiling point where we had with the Clinton boiling point, that was unusual. | ||
| That was unusual. | ||
| The lack of threat of imminent death. | ||
| That's the unusual thing. | ||
| This normal thing that we've gone through with the Bush administration and that we go through with the Obama administration now, that's unusual. | ||
| Or that is rather the norm. | ||
| The unusual thing is peace. | ||
| The unusual thing is prosperity and relaxation and not worrying about fucking bombs dropping over your head from the other side of the world. | ||
| Well, yeah, it's definitely normal when the people who are making the laws have apparently been paid off by people who prosper from war. | ||
| It's totally normal then. | ||
| But it's amazing that it's still pushed through. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing that in this day and age it can be so obvious. | ||
| It can be so laid out and yet still get pushed through. | ||
| Here's what's fucking amazing. | ||
| What's amazing is there's somebody in a corporation that... | ||
| Has to have war happening or they're going to go bankrupt. | ||
| That's what's amazing. | ||
| There's people who are like, man, we've got to get some wars, dude. | ||
| Our division is strictly missile reconstruction. | ||
| If we're not blowing up missiles, then we're not reconstructing areas where missiles are destroyed. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Yeah, exactly, dude. | ||
| That's what they're thinking. | ||
| When they hear that peace might be coming, that's hearing that they're about to go bankrupt. | ||
| Do you think this call is like, hey, I heard that y'all are running a surplus on a certain missile that we're about to go into construction on and we don't want to come out with version two while y'all still got version one going on. | ||
| Do you think you can make some campaigns where you can put those bad boys to use? | ||
| Yeah, let's come on. | ||
| We shouldn't be afraid to Do you think that a fucking Robert Downey Jr. contractor character could call somebody up and ask him to launch the missiles? | ||
| Dude, do you think when those sons of bitches who manufacture that shit watch war footage on the news, they're like, oh, hell yeah, that's a B-9-6. | ||
| That's my boy. | ||
| That's the child shredder. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Look at the spread on that bomb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Every time they see that, they're like, cha-ching, cha-ching. | ||
| Every time a bomb goes off, they're like, yeah, that's a hundred grand, hundred grand, hundred grand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What about dudes that have never been to war, but they're obsessed with Soldier Fortune magazine and home protection and fucking packing heat everywhere they go? | ||
| They live in the Wild West in the back of their head. | ||
| Dude, I gotta tell you, man, I think I got the potential to be like that. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah, because I like... | ||
| Well, it's an equalizer. | ||
| That's why people like it. | ||
| If you feel like you've been put in a situation where you could have been in danger physically because some asshole wanted to fuck you up, and they could have done that to you, that's a terrible, terrible feeling. | ||
| So once you've experienced that terrible feeling, you want to have some sort of an equalizer. | ||
| Preparation. | ||
| Nothing wrong with it, man. | ||
| I really, I mean, and it seems so weird because I know I come off as this kind of, like, hippie dude, but I was raised in the South, man, and my dad taught me how to be safe with a gun, taught me how fun it was to shoot a gun, taught me, like, you know, took me hunting, and I'm not afraid of guns. | ||
| I think they're fucking awesome, man. | ||
| They're really cool. | ||
| I just don't, I haven't gotten around to buying one. | ||
| In LA, and now it feels like there's this, you know, we were talking about this around Diaz, and he was saying, like, it'll attract guns. | ||
| Yeah, that's what Diaz thinks. | ||
| A lot of people think that. | ||
| They think that if you have the weapon, it will act as some kind of magnet for negativity that will, like, bring it to you. | ||
| It's a superstitious idea, but some part of me, I'm like, oh shit, maybe so, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe I should just ignore it and not have a gun. | ||
| I mean, I doubt anyone's Well, you never know, man. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| Somebody could just decide to fucking kick in your door and, like, take your shit and fucking stab you to death. | ||
| People do get robbed. | ||
| There are home invasions. | ||
| People do scope people out. | ||
| It doesn't happen that often. | ||
| Well, what's really going on, man, is that there's so many fucking people on this planet, you're hearing about so many different violent acts. | ||
| Even in bad neighborhoods, violent acts are fairly rare. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, there might be a million people and one of them gets shot a day. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| It's a one in a million. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's not a lot. | ||
| I mean, it's not a little, you know, when you think about it that way. | ||
| It sucks that this is the society we live in, man. | ||
| This is where we've hit upon in the multiverse. | ||
| Because, like, think of all the other things that people could break into your house and do. | ||
| Like, what a great dimension where, like, Well, what if you don't want a random blowjob from a hot chick? | ||
| What if you're trying to, like, control your sperm and you're on this Dalai Lama-type journey and some hot chick breaks into his house and sucks his dick and ruins his whole spiritual journey? | ||
| Yeah, what if you turn into a zombie? | ||
| Like, anyone's not going to want a blowjob from a hot chick. | ||
| He's going to realize that he wasted his whole stupid life dressing up like a genie when he could have been just getting his dick sucked from the get-go. | ||
| I know! | ||
| Then that's a good lesson! | ||
| Yeah, it is a good lesson, but you can't force someone to have a lesson. | ||
| Well, you can't rape the Dalai Lama. | ||
| Well, that's what she would be doing. | ||
| She would be raping the poor guy. | ||
| She couldn't help herself. | ||
| She's not suggesting that hot chicks don't rape the Dalai Lama. | ||
| When a woman that hot starts stroking your cock, you are not even in control. | ||
| You're not even in control. | ||
| You're a zombie. | ||
| You are a DNA zombie. | ||
| You're just trying to shoot DNA. Brains! | ||
| You're just trying to shoot loads! | ||
| Loads! | ||
| You're just trying to get rid of that ache in your balls. | ||
| Oh, what a terrible... | ||
| Poor Dalai Lama. | ||
| The whole guy's... | ||
| He's a single, sort of pudgy, weird kind of Asian character who has a lot of really famous friends. | ||
| You know, he's kind of a name dropper. | ||
| Always hanging out with Richard Gere. | ||
| I'm not dissing him at all. | ||
| I'm just being honest about what he looks like. | ||
| You know what would be awesome? | ||
| I mean, that would rock his fucking world if some Megan Fox-looking chick came in and started sucking his cock. | ||
| What would be awesome is that the Dalai Lama fired back at you. | ||
| Whoa, you got mad at me? | ||
| I don't mean any disrespect to the Dalai Lama. | ||
| He's like, yo, fuck you, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Whoa, that would be crazy. | ||
| If I was the first guy that the Dalai Lama told to go fuck himself, I'd be like, wow, I must be a dick. | ||
| I'm sure he's a great guy, and I don't think there's anything wrong with doing life the way he's doing. | ||
| I just think it's, when I look at his life in comparison to a life that I would find interesting, I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| You don't want to have a wife or a girlfriend? | ||
| You don't want to have sex? | ||
| You don't want to, like, really? | ||
| You don't want to engage in, like, fun things? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Is it really too much of an effort to have a relationship or can it be managed and you're just a lazy bitch and you can't figure out how to manage your own life and manage your own relationships in a way that you would attract someone who would also have sort of a harmonious relationship with you? | ||
| You know, for some people that's like too much work to try to get their own shit together to attract someone. | ||
| So, I mean, it's like a real complicated formula. | ||
| So to say, oh, that's too much work, I think you miss out on a big part of what it is to be a human being. | ||
| He obviously has compassionate relationships with people, where he's friends with them, he communicates with them. | ||
| But to not be exchanging affection, in my opinion, is just this massive misunderstanding of the joy of life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Sex with someone you love that you're really attracted to is one of the most intense physical experiences and beautiful experiences a person can ever have. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's intense. | ||
| It's a beautiful, intense experience that cannot be recreated in a solo environment. | ||
| Well, this is the thing. | ||
| These are things that are impossible to answer because I only read about them. | ||
| I don't know if it's true or not. | ||
| But I think a lot of people who become hermits and leave society, of all the people who leave society and become a monk, Go and become a hermit, go into the woods and vanish from life. | ||
| Of all those people, probably a big percentage of them are doing it as an escape mechanism. | ||
| But I bet there's a small percentage in them that have heard of these peaks that you can climb to and consciousness that certain things will get in the way of getting to those peaks. | ||
| It's not impossible, but it's kind of like, you know, there's a lot of different paths through the forest. | ||
| Some of them are more difficult than others, and some of them are, especially when you've got the complication of a wife and children, you can't go through some of the forms of discipline that apparently are required To hit a transcendent experience that a lot of people, many, many, many, many people have written about. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So I think there is a small group of people who really authentically are just like, I want to fucking go for it. | ||
| I want to see how far I can go into this. | ||
| Is there enlightenment? | ||
| Is there this state of Um, higher awareness that you can get through meditation. | ||
| I want to do that. | ||
| And that, you know, the prescription for some of these things is to fucking meditate for years straight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you can't do that with fucking kids. | ||
| You can't do that with a, you can't do that with a job. | ||
| You can't do it with the normal complications of society. | ||
| So you got to go out into the out into the fucking cave to do it. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| When you really stop and think about it, it's like any other discipline. | ||
| In order to really take it to the highest level, you have to devote all of your time to it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And managing the mind and managing the deep recesses of your consciousness and increasing the brain's ability to focus on certain tasks and things. | ||
| They've shown that meditation directly changes the way the brain works. | ||
| Oh yeah, dude. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's the, the, the, the, the, the, those, um, what, what, what vision is it, what they use when they're doing, like, cross sections of the brain during any sort of a neural activity. | ||
| CAT scans? | ||
| I don't know if it's a CAT scan. | ||
| Whatever it is, they run tests on people and they find out what areas of the brain are affected. | ||
| They have remarkable minds. | ||
| People that meditate, like Buddhist monks, they've literally developed a different sort of a brain. | ||
| Dude, I don't think my brain's changed, but one of my favorite parts of the day, I wake up in the morning and chant. | ||
| I fucking love it, dude. | ||
| And I'll tell you, I'll wake up with my brain squirming with shit thoughts and anxious sometimes. | ||
| Maybe I had a bad dream or I'm stressed out about something. | ||
| I'll sit down and fucking meditate. | ||
| 10 minutes, 15 minutes later, it's not gone. | ||
| I'm not healed, I'm not cured of the thoughts, but now the thoughts aren't on top, they're underneath my will. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And that changes everything for the rest of the day, because now when I'm attacking the different problems and things I have to accomplish, the first thing I'm feeling is this sense of self-control, and underneath it are all the anxieties, instead of approaching your problems with an anxious mind or a turbulent mind. | ||
| I think managing the mind and putting the mind to good use is just like managing the body and putting the body to good use. | ||
| And I think the mind can become more athletic. | ||
| The mind can become more synaptic or more responsive rather synaptically. | ||
| Yeah, the mind is definitely... | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I mean, look, when you write, when you write, don't you notice that if you, like, take time off and write again, you start writing and you feel, like, a little clunky at first. | ||
| Clunky as fuck. | ||
| And then after a day or two, you're in the groove, and then... | ||
| Zooming through. | ||
| Yeah, and then you get to that... | ||
| It's like, you have to, like, keep up that sort of shape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You have to keep up a certain creative shape or, you know, or a mind, you know, a meditative sort of a controlled shape. | ||
| This is why more people don't meditate and more people... | ||
| It's boring! | ||
| It's boring at first! | ||
| It's boring at first! | ||
| But after you lose your mind, after you fucking get past the initial thing, the initial boredom of it, it turns into something really incredible. | ||
| What's the deepest you've ever gotten? | ||
| Through meditation? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Man, the deepest I ever got through meditation was... | ||
| I was super stoned. | ||
| That does not count. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It's the weirdest. | ||
| My dear man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Most certainly, Carol. | |
| You can get stoned and meditate. | ||
| Shit, man. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things to do is to get stoned and meditate. | ||
| Fuck, that's the best, man. | ||
| McKenna had this funny story about, or this funny analogy about UFO abductees, is that the real problem with any stories that you ever hear about UFOs is that you have to automatically discount every one of them that involved five grams of mushrooms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's true, too, right? | ||
| Because, oh, you were tripping, dude. | ||
| Maybe that's no, but maybe that's how he sees it. | ||
| Or maybe a lot of different philosophies came from people getting really high. | ||
| That's that book that I showed you. | ||
| That cannabis is a very old plant that we've had a relationship with for a long time. | ||
| And people love to invalidate Things that you thought up when you were stoned. | ||
| They love to validate states of consciousness you obtain through merging with a plant mother. | ||
| But I'll tell you man, fucking getting high, chanting and getting high, wow. | ||
| That's like, now if you want me to like come up with a time when I wasn't stoned and meditating, I could think of a time when I was on the zen retreat sitting and staring at a wall and for like seven hours straight and like definitely there was a shift in consciousness and i was like getting retarded getting confused i take offense at that i really do i was getting confused because i've been staring at a wall for so long i was getting confused about My identity. | ||
| So it was sort of a consciousness ideal poisoning. | ||
| Or ideal poisoning. | ||
| Yeah, it was a bit of a poisoning. | ||
| You're getting confused about your identity? | ||
| Well, I was staring at the wall and I knew I was... | ||
| I mean, they were talking like eight hours of fucking meditating, man. | ||
| Just staring at a wall with your eyes open? | ||
| Yeah, with your eyes open. | ||
| You're just kind of going in and out of like... | ||
| You don't ever close your eyes? | ||
| No, technically you're not supposed to. | ||
| This is why in the Zen temples in Japan where people really take it seriously, people walk around with fucking rods. | ||
| And the moment a monk starts nodding off, they get a nice fucking rod right on their shoulder. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whack! | |
| Wake your ass up! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whack! | |
| Wow. | ||
| They don't want lazy monks. | ||
| No, they want you there in the moment. | ||
| What are they trying to accomplish? | ||
| Are they going to make an army of super psychics? | ||
| Super psychics. | ||
| Can you imagine if that's what it is? | ||
| That's the only way to become a real warrior? | ||
| They could become a psychic warrior? | ||
| Well, this is the fucking crazy thing, man. | ||
| What's a Zen monk trying to accomplish? | ||
| The answer to that? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| It's like a co-answer. | ||
| But other people who don't have such lofty ideals to merge with the nothingness, these people are trying to accomplish things. | ||
| And I believe the name of these superpowers or magical traits that you get from disciplining the will are called cities, S-I-D-D-H-I-S. Cities of consciousness. | ||
| Yeah, and these are like the ability, if you start focusing, you know, I would even say that in some weird way, stand-up comedy is a form of city in the sense that you're able to get in front of a group of people and make them fucking laugh. | ||
| I laugh. | ||
| And it takes a long time to develop. | ||
| It's a discipline that takes a long time to develop. | ||
| And you get this skill that's kind of abnormal that some people aren't able to do. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It doesn't have to be reading someone's mind. | ||
| It doesn't have to be levitating or walking through a wall. | ||
| It's just like, shit, man. | ||
| When I watch the fucking UFC and see somebody do a flying leg kick into someone's head, that's magic to me. | ||
| That's a magical fucking thing. | ||
| The fact that that guy can do that... | ||
| It's very acrobatic. | ||
| It's acrobatic. | ||
| These fucking assholes, not they're not really assholes, but when you see them getting their backflip contact, these guys throw a fucking backflip like it's nothing. | ||
| Yeah, and this is after fighting for three rounds. | ||
| After getting, yeah. | ||
| Wailing on each other for three rounds. | ||
| And if the backflip doesn't land and you fall, that's going to be played on the internet. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| So the risk involved in that backflip It's super extreme, man. | ||
| So to me, that's also... | ||
| It's not real magic in the sense it's explainable, but it's like... | ||
| I think that people can develop other forms of this. | ||
| And the other forms of it... | ||
| I don't want to use the term telepathy, but maybe people get really good at reading micro gestures or micro movements in someone's face and recognizing when they're telling the truth or when they're telling a lot. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Just someone who's really focused... | ||
| And sitting and listening to you and looking you in the eye in a really focused way, that's unnerving sometimes when someone's got real fucking focus. | ||
| Because most people don't. | ||
| Most people are scattered. | ||
| They're scattered to the fucking winds, man. | ||
| They can barely listen to you for four minutes without fading out or checking their phone or fucking... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So will itself, just the ability to draw your senses in and focus on the moment, that's a pretty potent thing to be able to... | ||
| To do and you're not going to get that from playing video games. | ||
| You're not going to get that from getting drunk all the time. | ||
| You're not going to get that from fucking all the time. | ||
| You're going to get that from stopping the show, sitting down, crossing your legs, taking a breath and not moving for 10 minutes and watch your mind freak the fuck out. | ||
| Your mind will turn into a cat That you're trying to put in the bathtub. | ||
| Your mind will just start wriggling, squirming, warming. | ||
| Hey, what are you doing? | ||
| That's almost the first thing. | ||
| It's like, come on, what are you fucking doing here? | ||
| What are you sitting here not moving for? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Who do you think you are? | ||
| You think you're fucking Gandhi? | ||
| What do you think you're doing? | ||
| Really, you're going to do this? | ||
| And then that, if you overcome that, then that'll change a little bit. | ||
| And all of a sudden, you'll start relaxing a little bit. | ||
| Your body will relax. | ||
| And all of a sudden, it's like, oh shit, man. | ||
| I didn't put that fucking candle out in the other room. | ||
| I should go put that candle out in the other room. | ||
| I think I'll have the candle burning in the other room. | ||
| And then you just breathe through that, and then it's going to be, oh fuck, I gotta call Jack! | ||
| I forgot to call Jack! | ||
| It's all these moments trying to take you away, and it's almost like your mind has set all these infinite That will keep you from getting in this state of stillness. | ||
| But eventually, the more you do that, the more your mind will begin to be in the moment and not be in a place of expectation and not be waiting for the meditation to end and not be thinking about how cool it is that you're meditating or how dumb it is that you're meditating. | ||
| Something else kicks in. | ||
| That thing. | ||
| That fucking thing, man. | ||
| That's the thing that I think people are trying to extend through their entire lifetime. | ||
| It's just that state of being present in the moment with no goal for what's going to happen, not caring about what happened. | ||
| You know, it's just a difficult place to get to. | ||
| Yeah, and you don't always want to be there either. | ||
| You don't want to be there all day. | ||
| Because you have to live with humans. | ||
| And if you're going to live completely in that total zen state, I guess you could do it Ram Dass style and just go video conferencing with people all day online. | ||
| But if you want to actually try to make a living... | ||
| No, the Ram Dass style is really interesting because the Ram Dass style doesn't have ethics attached to it, man. | ||
| That guy fucking talks about going and eating like... | ||
| Going into a fucking restaurant and ordering a steak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, fuck yeah, man. | ||
| He eats steak? | ||
| He did in this story. | ||
| I don't know if he continues to eat meat, but it's like, his whole thing is like, listen, man, it's not... | ||
| What we're going for here isn't fake. | ||
| A fake imposition. | ||
| What we're going for is this being in the flow of life. | ||
| Being in the moment. | ||
| And sometimes that means hell of a fucking cheeseburger. | ||
| Sometimes eat that burger. | ||
| Sometimes it means fucking... | ||
| You know, get your cock sucked. | ||
| Sometimes, you know what I mean? | ||
| Sometimes it means fuck. | ||
| The way you said that was so southern. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get your cock sucked! | |
| Get your cock sucked, boy! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Also, North Carolina. | |
| Go in my sister's room and get your cock sucked. | ||
| I love my southern accent does come out sometimes, but yeah, man. | ||
| This state of being in the moment doesn't mean... | ||
| Right, but don't you have some sort of an ethical responsibility for animal cruelty and the pollution of the environment and all the different variables that really, even though you have no control over, you are a part of society and contribute to the problem by continuing support. | ||
| This is what I think about that. | ||
| I call this what you're saying. | ||
| I consider it the starving kid in Africa. | ||
| The starving kid in Africa has stopped many, many people from experimenting with bringing their will into the world because they think, yeah, what about the fucking starving kid in Africa? | ||
| What about the macro? | ||
| What about the eating meat hurts animals? | ||
| The bigger picture. | ||
| I think that that is a very valid thing to think about. | ||
| But I think the first thing to think about before you start thinking about the bigger picture is your little picture. | ||
| It's thinking about how are you treating the people around you? | ||
| What living condition are you in? | ||
| Are you healthy? | ||
| Are you exercising? | ||
| First deal with that. | ||
| Deal with that and then worry about the fucking kid in Africa. | ||
| First deal with that thing and you'll get your focus back. | ||
| Come out of autopilot first, because your ego will tell you, like, look, man, we've got to think about the big picture here. | ||
| The ego always wants to think about the big fucking picture. | ||
| The ego always wants to think about, like, the ego is messianic. | ||
| The ego wants to be Jesus. | ||
| The ego wants to heal the world, or the ego wants to fucking do all this crazy shit. | ||
| Meanwhile, you're fucking smoking cigarettes. | ||
| Your apartment smells like cat litter. | ||
| Your balls are fucking festering with crab lice. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You gotta fucking think about the fucking moment. | ||
| You gotta think about the moment. | ||
| Yeah, we were talking about a dude who was screaming and yelling about chemtrails while he was smoking cigarettes. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| It's like, what you're doing has gotta be worse than what they're doing by spraying you. | ||
| Absolutely, man. | ||
| This, I think, is the recipe for a true revolution. | ||
| The recipe for a true revolution does not involve going out into the world and trying to attack these ancient, powerful, monolithic structures by throwing Molotov cocktails at them. | ||
| It fucking involves stopping, looking at the way you're treating the people directly around you. | ||
| How do you treat waiters? | ||
| How do you treat people at the cash register? | ||
| How do you treat people That you have power over. | ||
| Even if the power is illusionary and it's just a game. | ||
| Because when you're with a waiter, you're playing the game of someone being served. | ||
| They're playing the game of the server. | ||
| You're just fucking people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you start looking, how am I treating the people around? | ||
| First, you start looking, how am I treating myself? | ||
| That's the number one thing. | ||
| Yeah, that is the number one thing. | ||
| Look at yourself. | ||
| Are you being ecstatic to yourself? | ||
| Are you being sweet to yourself? | ||
| Are you taking vitamins? | ||
| Are you being cruel to yourself? | ||
| Are you poisoning yourself? | ||
| Are you shoving poison into your bodies? | ||
| First, bodies. | ||
| Body. | ||
| First deal with that. | ||
| Then, once you start feeling good and healthy again, the depression will start wearing off and then you start looking at the way you're treating people around you. | ||
| Then you start tipping too much. | ||
| This is something you taught me, man. | ||
| I don't want to go all fucking secret on everybody's ass here, but ever since I started tipping too much, Fucking more money than I've ever made has been coming into my life, dude. | ||
| And I feel like there's some kind of, like, direct correlation between how much you put out and how much comes back to you. | ||
| I mean, it's possible. | ||
| It's also possible that it just came in a coincidental time to when you started making money and could tip because you had some momentum running your way. | ||
| Dude, I'll tell you one number one quality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It doesn't hurt, though. | |
| I'll tell you one quality that I always have when I'm broke. | ||
| You know what that fucking quality is? | ||
| Selfishness. | ||
| I always will look at the way I'm acting, it's always very fucking selfish. | ||
| It's always survival mode, and I gotta look out for me! | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's a fucking verse in the... | ||
| I don't know, I always quote the fucking Bible, I am not a Christian, but there's a verse in the New Testament that had always perplexed me. | ||
| It was something like, those who have will get more, and those who have not, more will be taken away. | ||
| And the idea is like this sense of like, this, it doesn't make sense. | ||
| It doesn't go the way we've been taught. | ||
| It doesn't make sense that if you give out more than you have, you'll get more back. | ||
| Well, I don't know if it's more than you have. | ||
| I think you just have to be generous. | ||
| Give more than you have. | ||
| More than you have. | ||
| How can you give more than you have? | ||
| have my children It's like saying, I'm going to try a hundred percent, ten percent. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| I know, you're right. | ||
| I'm going to give a hundred and ten percent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, you're not. | |
| You know what it is, man? | ||
| It's like the church had this idea. | ||
| And the idea was tithing, right? | ||
| And the idea was give ten percent of your income to the church, right? | ||
| Because the church will deal with giving the money out. | ||
| Now, I think that this is based on a metaphysical principle. | ||
| I think it's based on a metaphysical principle, which is that if you give out... | ||
| I think we may have talked about this before, but imagine if you cut out 10% of your income and just put it in a pile and made the decision that that 10%, you're going to just fucking give to people who need it. | ||
| You're just going to give it to help people. | ||
| You're going to use it to help people. | ||
| That's 10% of your income is going out into the world to help people. | ||
| That would be your favorite money. | ||
| That fucking 10%. | ||
| Like on a Saturday, if you get to go into that account, you'd be like, fuck man, I'm going to buy my friend an Xbox. | ||
| Just because. | ||
| Because that's coming out of the 10%. | ||
| That's a cool thing. | ||
| That's a good idea, man. | ||
| Everybody thinks it's like, oh, I'm going to go give a ham sandwich to a heroin addict. | ||
| No! | ||
| Go fucking surprise your friend. | ||
| Take him out to dinner and then fucking buy dinner when they didn't expect it. | ||
| Take one of your friends out who doesn't have a lot of money right now and do something really cool for them when they don't expect it and don't act like they owe you. | ||
| Just be like, no, dude, I just thought it would be fun. | ||
| That's fun! | ||
| That's tithing, if you ask me, instead of letting the church be in control of it. | ||
| Well, the problem with the church is always going to be, like, who are they? | ||
| They're just people, man. | ||
| They're not really representing God. | ||
| So if you've got a good church, you can work out well. | ||
| There's a lot of churches that do a lot of great stuff for the community. | ||
| There's a lot of churches that keep people together. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there, dude, they haven't thought too much about the world. | ||
| They haven't thought too much about the complexities of the various different things that we do understand about the world. | ||
| Subatomic particles interacting with each other across the universe at the exact same time. | ||
| Communication through subatomic particles, particles that are in both a superposition where they're in a state of both standing and moving at the same time. | ||
| There's just too much craziness going on in the world. | ||
| And there's not enough curiosity. | ||
| And that combination of that and their culture and whatever the fuck their genetic imprint was, whatever 9-volt battery that they were born with, all that combined, some people need religion, man. | ||
| Some people it's like a super beneficial tool. | ||
| I don't deny it. | ||
| Look, essentially what Christianity is supposed to be is supposed to be somewhat about being positive, about representing God, living life by God's standards. | ||
| Well, if you look at what God's standards are sort of vaguely, and you take out the stories about killing people that he tells you to kill, and what happens if you're a gay dude, and, you know... | ||
| Jesus doesn't say any of that. | ||
| Jesus doesn't say any of that, but it's in the Bible. | ||
| It's supposed to be... | ||
| If the Bible's supposed to represent the Word of God, if it is really... | ||
| Well, this is the shit talk that the fucking loon-loon disciples say. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't just follow what Christ said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta follow everything in that old, sweet old book. | |
| But ultimately, when it comes down to a church, though, it really depends on who's running the church. | ||
| Like, the church could be a great asset to a community and a good place where people learn to be good people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Or it could be fucking craziness if you wind up in a church where, you know, the priests are fucking kids and the whole thing's chaos and... | ||
| I'll tell you, you know where I got a lot of info from, man? | ||
| I got a big download from when I used to go to Agape Church with Reverend Michael Beckwith. | ||
| I would fucking go there and that guy would blast positivity. | ||
| You would go there and get, you would walk out of there feeling so fucking great, man. | ||
| What is his denomination? | ||
| I don't know the name of the denomination, but they're into this book called The Science of Mind by Ernest Holmes, which is like this idea that you create your own reality by the thoughts that you think. | ||
| And it's that mixed in with all the world religions, mixed in with like... | ||
| Kind of like, I mean listen man, it's a big church and I'm not saying every moment of the ceremony wasn't slightly embarrassing and I'm not saying that there are not people there dressed in like baggy, big baggy pants and wearing sandals and have really gone deep into fruit land. | ||
| I'm not saying that that didn't happen, but that church, man, some of the information I got out of there, it was fucking really high-tech information. | ||
| I'll tell you something else that happened to me there, and I'm sure I'm gonna get fucking made fun of for this, but I'll tell you, man, I had a fucking terrible... | ||
| I'd throw my back out. | ||
| Throw my fucking back out and couldn't move my fucking neck. | ||
| And I was, like, fucked up and in a lot of pain. | ||
| And I'm standing there... | ||
| Oh my god, there's a song you sing that we're singing this song? | ||
| And this fucking guy behind me... | ||
| Started giving you a back rub and grabbing your shaft. | ||
| I knew it would come! | ||
| At least let me finish the story! | ||
| Let me finish the story before you attack. | ||
| The fucking... | ||
| You gotta let me finish the story. | ||
| It didn't lay into me. | ||
| Here's the fucking story. | ||
| Listen, I knew this was coming. | ||
| I knew there was no way I could tell you this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| I'm a child. | ||
| This guy... | ||
| I think it's funny. | ||
| If this guy touches my back... | ||
| And, dude, instantly I felt fucking better. | ||
| Instantly. | ||
| Everything went away. | ||
| My back felt better. | ||
| Everything was... | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, remember what I said yesterday about disinformation agents? | ||
| Duncan clearly just exposed himself as a government agent. | ||
| An agent of disinfo. | ||
| Shut up! | ||
| He says all this brilliant shit, and then he incorporates some vacuum magic touches. | ||
| This motherfucker is doing Christian healing. | ||
| Listen, I can only report from my own experience. | ||
| What about praying the gay away? | ||
| Have you ever seen anybody successfully pray the gay away? | ||
| No. | ||
| Have you ever seen someone try? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Okay. | ||
| I haven't seen anyone fucking pray the gay away, Joe. | ||
| But it's not the same thing. | ||
| It's not the same thing as a guy coming up and touching you and healing your back? | ||
| He didn't come up. | ||
| He was... | ||
| I'm standing there. | ||
| It's a magical touch. | ||
| It healed your back. | ||
| Why would I bring this up? | ||
| You silly bitch. | ||
| Why did you give me this? | ||
| I can't leave this alone. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| So some guy came up and his desire to stick his penis inside your asshole was so strong that as he touched your back, the jolt just realigned your back because your back knew that it had to fight to survive. | ||
| You felt the love and lust of this man's fingertips. | ||
| Because Daryl healed me. | ||
| Did Darryl have flannel underwear on? | ||
| He wasn't wearing underwear that day. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look, I, I, I, I... Just rock, cock, and zipper. | |
| I'm dangerous. | ||
| Listen, I know it's not... | ||
| Rock, cock, pressed up against the cold metal of the zipper. | ||
| I can't believe that you're turning me. | ||
| He just touched his back. | ||
| The gay came out of his hand like a lightning bolt. | ||
| He was like one of the Avengers. | ||
| The gay came out of his hand into your back and just popped your back into order. | ||
| Listen, this is exactly what Jesus said. | ||
| They'll persecute you. | ||
| I'm being persecuted. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| This is religious persecution. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That guy prayed. | ||
| He got out of it. | ||
| He couldn't help himself. | ||
| You were sexy. | ||
| You were slightly slumped. | ||
| Leaning to one side. | ||
| Looked like you had a hurt knee maybe. | ||
| Perhaps even limping. | ||
| I'm trying to remember the song that we sang there just so I could give you more. | ||
| You've got to pray the gateway. | ||
| Pray the gateway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pray the gateway. | |
| No way. | ||
| I'll sing it. | ||
| I'll sing it, dude. | ||
| I'm going to give you more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| More fucking ammo. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I release and I let go. | |
| Let God's power something my life. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| And they would just sing this over and over again? | ||
| And everybody was really getting into it? | ||
| Yeah, and people would go up and down the aisles with Kleenex because people would start crying. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| But, you know, I've learned to not throw the baby out with the bathwater. | ||
| And so, like, a lot of the stuff, yeah, I don't know if I necessarily was, like, you know, fully on board, but I got some good information from there, man. | ||
| There was, like, some really... | ||
| The shit that he talked about was... | ||
| This concept of being able to like, you decide when it's time to be happy. | ||
| You decide to not be a victim. | ||
| You decide to pull yourself out of the negative mire that you're in and you can just do it. | ||
| You don't have to come up with excuses. | ||
| You don't have to go to the fucking mountains and meditate forever. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| You can just stop being a victim right away. | ||
| And the moment you do that, your life will become a million times better. | ||
| Everything else will follow from there. | ||
| You'll start treating people around you better, and when you start treating people around you better, you're going to get more prosperity. | ||
| Because if you're treating people around you like shit, you're cutting off all these currents and circuits that... | ||
| Well, any interaction you have with someone that ends up in a negative, a negative on their side or a negative on your side, it's going to leave you with a little bit of a deficit. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| You know, it's not a good feeling. | ||
| It's not a good feeling when someone's upset at you. | ||
| No, it sucks. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| It fucking sucks. | ||
| And you don't realize how much of an impact Your words or your actions can really have until you see them upset someone and then you realize, then it all manifests itself to you. | ||
| It all shows, and you're like, God damn it, what the fuck was I thinking? | ||
| I just got so flippant with, you know, being rude or being aggressive or being, you know, adamant or argumentative or whatever it is that causes these blips in the matrix. | ||
| But sometimes you need to have those in your life just as a reminder. | ||
| To be careful. | ||
| I'm not even saying that you should have to have them, but look, I see them in other people and I learn. | ||
| Well, it's shit ping pong, man. | ||
| You can get caught up in a long game of shit ping pong with people. | ||
| And it's like, look, there's no way that you're going to be perfect and there's no way you're going to avoid conflict and there's no way you're going to avoid getting angry. | ||
| But the main thing is, man, here's the main thing. | ||
| Forgiveness. | ||
| And forgiveness, it fucking isn't always fair. | ||
| That's the thing about forgiveness, dude. | ||
| It's not always fair. | ||
| It's not always about who wins or who loses or who's right or who's wrong. | ||
| Sometimes you just have to be like, look, man, we got fucking blasted out of a pussy. | ||
| We're plunging towards oblivion. | ||
| We're in this insane fucking dimension. | ||
| You freaked out for a second. | ||
| I freaked out. | ||
| I forgive you. | ||
| You win. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You just take that extra fucking step! | ||
| And you know what that does? | ||
| That stops the negative energy ball. | ||
| That's the idea. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Are you talking about anyone specific? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You know, I already did. | ||
| Yeah, you already did. | ||
| For people to know, Brian and Duncan had gotten into an argument. | ||
| And, you know, it was unfortunate. | ||
| It was unfortunate on both sides. | ||
| It was unfortunate that Duncan brought it up in a public setting and sort of blindsided him. | ||
| And I think you feel that, right? | ||
| I said it on that last podcast that I did. | ||
| Here's the real thing I learned from it though, man. | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| You're not going to avoid conflict in a community. | ||
| That's one thing I learned is we have this little fucking community. | ||
| But if you had a chance to do it all again, you wouldn't have done it that way. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to be honest with you. | ||
| You were a little snippy that day anyway, man. | ||
| You even got snippy with me when I was fucking with you. | ||
| And I was not being that aggressive, but you seemed like you were a bit testy that day. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I was testy that day. | ||
| And what happened was, without going into... | ||
| I hate fucking resurrecting it again because I think that it's like... | ||
| What made you testy that day? | ||
| I don't want to talk about that, man. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's a personal issue. | ||
| It's a fucking personal issue. | ||
| You certainly have... | ||
| It was a family issue, dude. | ||
| So you were a bit imbalanced. | ||
| Some shit had gone down yet. | ||
| But anyway, there's no excuse. | ||
| I don't fuck. | ||
| Why was I testy? | ||
| I was testy because I was not in control of my fucking self. | ||
| That's why anyone's testy. | ||
| There's no excuse. | ||
| People will always come up with excuses for acting like a fucking asshole. | ||
| It all boils down to like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Handling your own shit. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Not imposing your own bullshit on other people. | ||
| Exactly, dude. | ||
| So what happened is during a podcast in Atlanta with Marshall Childs and the Laughing Skull, I was starting to talk about those videos I made for South by Southwest because I was trying to lead into talking about the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And for people who don't know, Duncan has been... | |
| Right. | ||
| I'm pretty adamant about, in my opinion, the very correct idea that if you're going to have a festival where you profit off of it and you have comedians perform at your festival, at the very least you have to fly them there. | ||
| If you want them to work for free, you can't really expect them to fly themselves there. | ||
| And then when you find out the whole thing is sponsored by an airline, you're like, what? | ||
| Because they're going to profit by the fact that people have to fly in. | ||
| The whole thing is crazy. | ||
| So, you made this video where it was Hitler, and then over Hitler screaming, you had the translation, the Hitler meme, yes. | ||
| The translation was saying, you know, how preposterous it is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was just the basic idea, which is that if you charge for, if you have an event centered around comedians, artists, whatever, that couldn't function without the comedians or artists, You have to fairly compensate them. | ||
| You have to pay them. | ||
| Pay them a percentage of the door. | ||
| It doesn't have to be a lot. | ||
| Give them a little cut. | ||
| Whether it's a flight, hotel, I don't know, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Just make it fair. | ||
| So I was starting to talk about that. | ||
| And then Brian got on the microphone and started talking about how, no, no, no, they pay the performers. | ||
| Well, he said it was up to the venues. | ||
| What he was talking about was, as a comedian, you can get sponsorship from other people, like brown paper tickets or other corporations will pay for you to perform at their parties or will in some way fund you. | ||
| But the festival itself doesn't pay. | ||
| So, some venues don't pay the artists? | ||
| Some venues don't decide because they're at a certain place to get paid? | ||
| Because I've heard that some people have gotten paid by Southwest. | ||
| Who's getting paid? | ||
| I have. | ||
| Actually, the guy, Charlie Sotelo, who runs South by Southwest, when I was at Moontower, we had this same fucking conversation. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, like, he was saying, you know, we don't fucking pay Johnny. | ||
| We didn't pay Johnny Cash. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, we don't pay... | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You know, like... | ||
| That's gangster. | ||
| He was saying we just... | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Johnny Cash to work for you for free. | ||
| It's fucking gangster. | ||
| But, so that's the point. | ||
| I already had this conversation with this guy about this. | ||
| So, at least from the perspective of the representative of South by Southwest and the comedy side, it told me directly this happened. | ||
| And then also, as a... | ||
| Other note, he said, you know, yeah, we do give comics $100, but we don't even talk about it. | ||
| So, they pay comics $100. | ||
| That's what I found out. | ||
| They don't talk about it. | ||
| Yeah, that's what he said. | ||
| He said, this is not even something I didn't bring up. | ||
| Charlie Satello... | ||
| That's a big secret. | ||
| By the way, Charlie... | ||
| Something's wrong when there's a big secret where you're giving a comic $100. | ||
| Yeah, whatever. | ||
| So, Charlie Satello seemed like a really nice guy, and I kind of respect him for coming up to me and talking to me about it. | ||
| I still completely disagree with him. | ||
| But he came up and he talked to me... | ||
| Because he had heard your video? | ||
| Yeah, he's the one who does the comics for South by Southwest. | ||
| He wasn't angry. | ||
| He just came up to me and broke it down in his own way from his own paradigm about how it fucking works. | ||
| And what was his justification for not paying? | ||
| You get a lot out of the festival as a performer. | ||
| There's two paradigms. | ||
| The two paradigms are... | ||
| People who pay based on a percentage from the door or some other form of like money compensation and people who feel like they're offering a venue and they're offering the benefits that you get from Performing on a show whether it's working out or it's kind of amazing the idea that you know you could have a festival of art and a profitable festival of art and I | ||
| like to play my own devil's advocate. | ||
| South by Southwest is an expensive festival, and a lot of people like seeing bands, and some comics like seeing bands, and we're going to go to South by Southwest anyway, so now they don't have to pay the $700 that you would pay to see everything. | ||
| So there's the justification of that perspective. | ||
| Have you been? | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| But, regardless, I feel- When is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know what we should do? | ||
| We should just book the Cap City Comedy Club that week if we can. | ||
| If it's not already booked. | ||
| I bet it's already booked. | ||
| I bet it's something like Doug Benson or someone tries to get a year in advance. | ||
| That would be really fun. | ||
| Yeah, because doesn't Doug do all that shit? | ||
| He goes to all those places. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, he's always, he's a wild bachelor character. | ||
| He's out there slinging dick around the country. | ||
| That's what I hear. | ||
| Doing shows on 420 in the afternoon on Saturdays. | ||
| He's doing what he wants now, man. | ||
| It's really fascinating how he's got, you know, Doug's got this, you know, this thing where he can show up at like a regular club, like it has a full weekend, and he comes on at 420 in the afternoon, and he does these 420 shows where it's all his fans. | ||
| What about Side Boob Sunday? | ||
| How'd that guy manufacture that? | ||
| Where he gets chicks to send pictures of their side tits? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who's this? | |
| Who are you talking about? | ||
| Doug Benson does that? | ||
| Hell yeah! | ||
| He does? | ||
| I follow him on Twitter. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Side Boob Sunday? | ||
| Oh, I didn't see that. | ||
| People tweet, like, beautiful hippie chicks tweet their, like, profile. | ||
| Oh, that's beautiful. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| It's really funny how you look on Twitter, and some porn girls have, like, pick of the day, and you click on it, and it's them with a giant f***ing dick in their mouth and on their ass, and you're like, whoa! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Just pick of the day? | ||
| That's it? | ||
| No f***ing warning at all? | ||
| Like, you gotta go, okay, well now I know how she's rocking it. | ||
| Because some girls don't ever have that in their Twitter. | ||
| Some strippers might as well be accountants. | ||
| They might as well be working for Denny's. | ||
| You know, they just have like, you know, here's today, this is what I did, da-da-da-da-da. | ||
| But some of those porn girls have, they'll just throw up some wild pictures. | ||
| You gotta be NSFW. Gotta be careful there, Donnie. | ||
| NSFW. I love it when people get mad for posting that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not safe for work! | |
| I'm gonna put NSFW, man! | ||
| Well, that work thing. | ||
| That's what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| Are we done with the Brian thing? | ||
| Well, I mean, sort of. | ||
| I mean, we didn't even really go into it. | ||
| What happened was, you in this elevated snippy state, I'll just cut to the chase, you called Brian out for something that you believed that he was doing incorrectly with how he was putting on a comedy show. | ||
| And he defended himself and got very upset at you and couldn't believe that you said it on the air and he was really hurt and stormed out of the room and then, you know, we sort of sat around and talked about the importance of comedians getting paid and whether or not that was the right thing to do and what the real issue is and, you know, there's a side to be had on both men's point of view, Brian's and yours. | ||
| You know, there's a side to be had on Brian's about the way you presented it, that you did it, and you were in this elevated state, and you were responding to him questioning you in the South by Southwest thing, and you attacked. | ||
| Some people don't know this, just to make sure people know. | ||
| I told Marshall not to upload that audio right away. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| You're not trying to make it more than it already is. | ||
| Right, I didn't want it to be more than that. | ||
| And Brian is very upset about it, and his side of it is that he did pay some people, and that there's a lot of expenses, and that he had to pay for taxes, and he's paying for the rent to keep that place open, and to be honest, he probably bit off more than he could chew, | ||
| and he didn't realize how much was involved in not just putting on a podcast where you're just being the producer of the podcast, but also running a comedy show at the same time, calling people, booking it, having the comedians show up, putting together a flyer, trying to get people to come, tweeting it, making a big deal. | ||
| It's more involved. | ||
| Like those guys that do comedy juice or something like that, there's a lot of work involved in that. | ||
| There's mailing lists. | ||
| I get their mailing lists all the time, and they're constantly emailing me all the time asking me to come and perform. | ||
| It's a business for these guys. | ||
| They're trying to... | ||
| There's a lot of work behind it. | ||
| I think it got away from him, and he's corrected it. | ||
| And he's corrected it now, and because of this confrontation, the good that's come out of it is that the money situation has been taken completely out of his hands, so he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which is cool. | |
| Yeah, which is cool. | ||
| And the shows can still pay for the rent there. | ||
| Yeah, here's what's not cool. | ||
| And this is the thing it taught me. | ||
| Because I've been seeing this in the positive, thankfully, in my life, mostly. | ||
| But what happened was, even though it didn't get uploaded at the time, it could have. | ||
| Marshall could have been like, fuck that. | ||
| I'm not deleting that. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| That'll get traffic. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| He could have been an asshole. | ||
| I didn't know I was totally wrong. | ||
| Shouldn't have brought it up in a public way. | ||
| I shouldn't have brought it up in a public way. | ||
| I was totally fucking... | ||
| Wrong. | ||
| Even if I felt like Brian confronting me about South by Southwest was wrong, what I did was... | ||
| So if Brian was throwing a negative energy ball my way, I grabbed that negative energy ball. | ||
| And tried to stuff it down his throat. | ||
| And I expanded it and tried to stuff it down his throat out of anger. | ||
| I didn't feel good. | ||
| I was angry, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And so then Brian got mad. | ||
| And then the energy ball, he exponentially increased the energy ball by having a blowout and saying, fuck Duncan Trussell, over and over. | ||
| He doesn't do well when criticized anyway, but when criticized like that in a very confrontational manner on a podcast, it's very upsetting for him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But, you know, he didn't react to. | ||
| There was a... | ||
| It was bad reactions on both sides. | ||
| Neither one of you guys reacted admirably. | ||
| You know, if you wanted to look back at yourself and how that whole thing went down, you know, where you're going back and forth at each other, where you, you know... | ||
| I didn't go... | ||
| That's the thing, man. | ||
| I went back... | ||
| I went back at him once, and then I apologized on my podcast. | ||
| And I guess I'm apologizing... | ||
| Yeah, but you... | ||
| The initial words that you used were very confrontational. | ||
| In Atlanta? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| But then... | ||
| How you launched it off, you used the words ripping off comedians. | ||
| No, I didn't say ripping off, I said robbing. | ||
| I said robbing, even worse. | ||
| I said he's robbing comedians, and that's the fucking wrong word for not paying people. | ||
| When you go back and you listen to it, what do you get out of it? | ||
| Have you listened to it? | ||
| No, I don't want to fucking listen to it because it's anger, man. | ||
| It's just anger. | ||
| I can only own my side of the street. | ||
| My side of the street, when I attacked him, I was pissed. | ||
| You were pissed because you felt that he was incorrectly correcting you and that he was putting his two cents in into an argument that you have that's a very... | ||
| Big one. | ||
| It's not just about South by Southwest, but it's about a lot of other organizations that don't pay the performance. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And I think that the tides are shifting now, and I think that that paradigm where you charge money for a show and don't pay the comics is going to hopefully be gone permanently. | ||
| Because what I really liked about the South by Southwest video I think it encouraged some comedians to start speaking up. | ||
| And I think artists are very afraid of confrontation and are afraid of speaking up about things that are obviously right. | ||
| There's a time to speak up and there's a time to not speak up. | ||
| And I think with Brian, when I Uh, said you're robbing comics. | ||
| That wasn't coming out of some altruistic, you know, uh, state of wanting to, like, be Gandhi and help fucking comics. | ||
| That was coming as like, oh, you slap me, I'm gonna slap you back. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And so, that's wrong. | ||
| That's wrong action. | ||
| That's not skillful. | ||
| That's bad. | ||
| And so, I went on my podcast, and I, uh, and I apologize. | ||
| And I, uh, admitted that that was wrong. | ||
| And also, I think the term robbing is totally wrong, because robbing implies that It implies forcefully taking something for someone. | ||
| Whereas if someone goes and does a show at the Ice House and Brian has said he's not paying or didn't mention payment, then you're entering into an agreement where you're going to perform for free. | ||
| So it's more of the performer's deal. | ||
| Like it's you decided to go and do that. | ||
| So robbing is the wrong word. | ||
| So there's that. | ||
| Watching it explode, you know what I mean? | ||
| Watching the fireball grow bigger and bigger, it's been a huge lesson for me, you know? | ||
| And it really has taught me, like, fuck man, you've got to learn to... | ||
| If you're angry, and especially your anger is at a friend, and even though, like, I think Brian hates my guts permanently now, we've been friends for like, I don't know, Seven years? | ||
| Like some bring up shit that you did like eight years ago when you stabbed me with a pencil! | ||
| Stabbed him with a fucking pencil out there. | ||
| You did stab him with a pencil though. | ||
| I'm sorry for that. | ||
| That was pretty fucking crazy. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'm sorry that I did that. | ||
| But I'll tell you this. | ||
| Let me tell you this. | ||
| I'm a lot less sorry that I stabbed him with a pencil than I am that in a fucking public forum I called him out on something that I should have addressed privately. | ||
| Because when I stabbed him with a fucking pencil, he kept poking my back on an airplane when I'm trying to sleep, man. | ||
| And I had to fucking fight back. | ||
| I don't feel bad about that. | ||
| I was retarded, babyish, stupid, but that was just an instant reaction to being annoyed. | ||
| What happened at the Laughing Skull was using a public forum To address a private issue. | ||
| And I think that that is not fucking cool. | ||
| And the end result of that, even though that podcast didn't get uploaded, is that we've created a fucking Kardashian episode with the Death Squad. | ||
| And that sucks, man. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking people who've been... | ||
| Taking both sides of it. | ||
| Taking sides and attacking me or attacking Brian or like, like all this stuff that ultimately, so now what happens, this is the fucking thing that happens, you watch this thing that started off as a mid-sized negative energy ball. | ||
| Turn into a big negative energy ball and then get fucking scattered and spread throughout the fucking internet with people siding up and trying to say hurtful things or saying, this person's right, that person's wrong, this is good, that's bad. | ||
| This is why I say simplicity is the most important thing, man, because it's like, ultimately, you just have to say, I forgive you. | ||
| Simplicity is the most important thing? | ||
| Simplicity, man. | ||
| Just forgiveness. | ||
| Just at some point... | ||
| Simplicity is forgiveness? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, forgiving is a simple act. | ||
| It doesn't have to be complicated. | ||
| It doesn't have to be going into Judge Judy mode and stretching out the events to see who was right and who was wrong and how did you do that and why did you do that. | ||
| It's just a simple thing of being like, look, Let's stop playing shit ping pong with negative energy. | ||
| Yeah, but it's back to what we were talking about earlier about money being needed to keep score. | ||
| Even in fights with friends, someone has to be the one who was right, someone has to be the one who was wrong, someone has to be the one who won the argument, someone has to lose. | ||
| It's like when people break up and get divorced and you're like, oh, she won that one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It sucks. | |
| She got out of that one pretty good. | ||
| She gets this and that a month, and that poor fucking guy, he really lost that one. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| Yeah, it's funny. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's weird, man, and it's all ego-based. | ||
| It's all about our whole society. | ||
| It's about achievement, forward progress, you know, treading into new territories and taking them over. | ||
| I mean, whether it's those actual physical territories, like new lands, or whether it's technological territories, like new inventions and innovations. | ||
| We're always moving forward, so you have to like, okay, you're out of the relationship, how'd you do? | ||
| I did great. | ||
| I only married that asshole for three years, and he has to give me a million dollars, you know? | ||
| Look, man, you know, like, so I think, I don't have anything else to say about that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think I'm done talking about that, but I do want to say something. | ||
| Well, in his defense, what he's upset about, more than the fact that you brought it up on the podcast and did it like that and threw him under the bus, That even in your apology, you still said that he wasn't paying the comedians. | ||
| And he did pay some of the comedians. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, and apparently, you know, I wasn't really... | ||
| I told him it'd be a good idea to pay the comedians, but we never really had too many conversations about who got paid and who didn't. | ||
| It was up to his discretion. | ||
| Right, okay, so... | ||
| So Little Lester, Tom Segura, some people got Bert Kreischer, some people got paid. | ||
| And some didn't. | ||
| And some didn't. | ||
| You know, but there was different shows where there wasn't that many seats that were sold. | ||
| You know, where he did his own shows. | ||
| There were shows that weren't that successful. | ||
| Okay, right, okay. | ||
| So what this turns into at this point is like real fucking, like, to me it's like, I guess, so like if the apology is not correct... | ||
| Then basically what we've created now is a situation where it's like, you didn't submit to me properly. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I don't, like, okay, I know you played fucking Cat Stevens' peace train and said that you were my friend. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I know that you did that, but you didn't do it in exactly the right way. | ||
| And then if that happens, then it's like, okay, you didn't do this, and I didn't do this, and now all of a sudden, shit ping pong's happening again. | ||
| Shit ping pong. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And it's like, fuck, man. | ||
| Isn't the best thing to do to, number one... | ||
| Uh, address this situation, and I'm addressing it publicly now because it was brought into the public forum, but isn't it the best thing to do to address it privately? | ||
| Isn't that the number one, like, best way to handle it? | ||
| Um, and number two... | ||
| Well, it wasn't his fault that it was made public. | ||
| It was really my fault. | ||
| I was explaining to Ari why you guys were in an argument, and, you know, in the middle of a podcast, you're just talking. | ||
| I didn't really stop and think whether or not this is a smart thing to re-expose. | ||
| Right, but... | ||
| But you must be upset about how it happened, and I know how I feel after every sort of yelling argument that I've ever been in in my life. | ||
| No, it was really intense to see someone saying, fuck Duncan Trussell in front of possibly half a million people. | ||
| That felt really weird, because I... You know, like, it's tough for me to imagine a situation where I would be angry enough to, like, try to publicly disparage somebody in that intense way. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I just, I wouldn't, I don't think I'd do that. | ||
| Unless I was really fucking pissed, so... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, peace train! | |
| We're gonna make it all work out, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's my that's what I know it's all gonna come together He's trained by that What a silly bitch. | |
| This peace train asshole became a Muslim. | ||
| He blew it. | ||
| He fucking blew it. | ||
| No, Muslims are okay. | ||
| Some Muslims are okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, but he was calling for Salman Rushdie to be killed. | |
| Okay, so he got off a peace train. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| He got off a peace train. | ||
| He was talking about how the Quran says that Salman Rushdie's gotta go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gotta go, gotta go. | |
| Didn't he recently make a little comeback? | ||
| Ran out of cash. | ||
| Had a little bit of a comeback. | ||
| I saw him playing. | ||
| He's Yusuf Islam now. | ||
| It's very sad. | ||
| That is a sweet song, man. | ||
| He's got a lot of great songs. | ||
| He's got some beautiful songs, man. | ||
| He's obviously an incredibly sensitive guy. | ||
| But back to the whole situation. | ||
| I think you have to treat your friends the way you treat someone that you love like a wife. | ||
| You can't insult them. | ||
| You can't lash out at them. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| It's a shitty thing when it happens and you gotta make it all better after it's over. | ||
| And you gotta really truly feel bad about it and you gotta really truly sort of correct yourself and make sure that you never put yourself into such a situation of almost like verbal combat with a brother, you know? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Brian, for sure, has some maturing to do. | ||
| I think he's aware of it himself. | ||
| He started out at a different time than we did. | ||
| He's a good dude, though, man. | ||
| I've been with Brian for a long time. | ||
| We've worked together for like a decade. | ||
| He's a good dude, man. | ||
| He's got a lot of man-child in him, but that's part of what makes him funny. | ||
| That's part of what makes him unique. | ||
| And P.S., here's the fucking thing. | ||
| No one needs to be attacking anybody. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| There's no bad guys. | ||
| There's no need for there to be an enemy involved here. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, there's no... | ||
| It's like, what we've got going on here with this, whatever you want to call it, the Death Squad, this podcast, our podcast, is an emergent... | ||
| Art form that's incredibly beautiful and all of us are contributing to it in our own way and a lot of people seem really invested in it and a lot of people seem authentically upset by this fight and so I think like out of respect for this whatever this weird fucking thing is that we're building here we've got to like learn how to We're good to | ||
| is gonna fall apart. | ||
| I think you need blowouts like this. | ||
| I would prefer for them to happen in private, but I think in this case, it got into the public eye fine. | ||
| The fact that it is in the public eye creates even more of a reason to resolve it in a civilized way that doesn't mean somebody gets hurt or somebody gets fucking excommunicated or somebody gets, like, permanently mad. | ||
| It means that... | ||
| Because if we can't figure it out, if we can't figure out how to resolve something as silly as this... | ||
| Then how can we fucking talk about, stop dropping bombs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| How can we stick when that's what that is in the macro? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And that's why I think it takes, at some point, if you look at the back and forth that happened in war, it's somebody did this to someone, and then they did something back, and then they did something back bigger, and they did something back bigger, it goes on forever. | ||
| At some point, you just have to be like, I'm sorry, I forgive you, I'm sorry, and that's it. | ||
| And that's when Brian goes, fuck Duncan Trussell. | ||
| Yeah, I know, man. | ||
| That's the fucking... | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| It's like you can only handle your side of the street. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's all that you can do. | ||
| You can only handle your side of fucking things. | ||
| That's all you can do. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah, you know, I think all of us get caught up in life and stress and shit and this and that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And there's words that come out of your mouth that are poorly chosen. | |
| There's ideas that are expressed selfishly. | ||
| You know, we all make mistakes. | ||
| Especially when you're... | ||
| You're fucking busy. | ||
| You're not getting enough sleep. | ||
| Real stressed out. | ||
| Always in the middle of a million different things like I know you are and I certainly am. | ||
| People make mistakes. | ||
| People make a lot of fucking mistakes. | ||
| People make mistakes. | ||
| You gotta know when you've been friends with someone for a long time the essence of who that person is. | ||
| You know, you gotta be a nice guy both when you are in charge and when you are the employee or the person who has to listen and follow directions, whether you're the fan or whether you're the performer, whether you're the police officer or the guy who has to talk to the cop because his car got stolen. | ||
| You know, we have to figure out a way to To always communicate with respect. | ||
| It's just so hard to develop a human being that's completely and totally honest. | ||
| That we live in this world of maybes and half-truths and bullshit and lies. | ||
| And then behind the lies there's things that are true but make no sense. | ||
| Like legislation and laws. | ||
| And all of it adds up to be this really confusing, frustrating, unfair feeling of life in general. | ||
| Just as a pattern of your whole fucking situation. | ||
| But all of it. | ||
| All of it can be cured by the simple truth that we have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life. | ||
| If we are all this one thing that is born into this world in various circumstances, in various biological situations, in various states of the world, in various climates, but at the soul of it all, behind the sex and behind the height and the weight and The essence of what a fucking human being is, it could just be easily you. | ||
| You could be that guy. | ||
| You could be this guy. | ||
| What you are, stripped of culture and language, and what I am is the same thing. | ||
| I'm just going through this in a completely different ride, with a totally different flesh vehicle, and we happen to see each other along the journey, and we become friends and united in our struggle together, and enhanced each other. | ||
| But at the end of the day, we're the same fucking thing. | ||
| And once we realize that I'm the same as some poor fuck that was born in Afghanistan and is living in a cave, I'm the same as that guy. | ||
| I just got a way better roll of the dice than I was born in New Jersey. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| The only way we're ever going to get over this hump of existence is if we drop all the bullshit and the one law that we should all recognize, the one thing that we should all practice, Is the ideal that you are me, and I am you, and we are living completely different lives, but inside the body, inside the beaming of what it is. | ||
| When you think of you, I can easily be you. | ||
| I could easily be my mother. | ||
| I could easily be this asshole that lives on the street from me that I can't talk to because he's dumb. | ||
| It could be this guy. | ||
| I could be that guy. | ||
| I could have been born here. | ||
| It's just some crazy situation where we may all be the very same thing, living through different epochs, living through different biological identities, living through different genetics and different social circumstances, but at the root of it all, we could be the same fucking thing, and we essentially are. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| We essentially are. | ||
| For sure, man. | ||
| It's our own individual experiences that confuse the fuck out of us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If we really started treating people like that, if you really looked at the world like that, and it doesn't always mean that you're going to give that person everything they want, because then you could spoil you. | ||
| Well, that's right. | ||
| I mean, you can't be phony about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, you gotta, like... | ||
| You have to address it from a real place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You can't be phony. | ||
| But, if you... | ||
| If it... | ||
| If you have as an intention in dealing with conflict, which everyone's gonna have, wanting a resolution that Wanting not just a resolution, but an evolution. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| If that's your fucking intention behind it, it's going to work out great. | ||
| It's going to work out okay. | ||
| It might be turbulent, it might be weird, but if that's your intention, then it's a lot different than the intention being, I'm going to win this! | ||
| I'm going to conquer! | ||
| I'm going to be the one who comes out on top! | ||
| That only creates more shit ping pong and more negativity in the world. | ||
| That's the thing that we've got to deal with, and this thing with Brian, and I'm sure everyone's got an example of this happening in their life or will have it. | ||
| Deal with it in a way that's like accelerating the community, making the community stronger, making the community more... | ||
| How about just the less karmic impact? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Outside of all that, get complicated and start really ultra-defining everything as far as doing it for the community. | ||
| But just do what feels like the healthiest thing to do. | ||
| What's the healthiest thing to do? | ||
| Drop all the problems. | ||
| Drop all the bullshit. | ||
| Just drop it. | ||
| It's done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Drop it. | |
| And learn from it and never be that guy again. | ||
| You know, we have to accept that this is a trial and error sort of a situation in life. | ||
| Especially the generation that you and I come from. | ||
| You know, you in your 30s, me in my 40s. | ||
| We're essentially one of the first generations to be awake. | ||
| We're one of the first generations to use the internet and to sort of... | ||
| Exchange so much information back and forth with each other that we're kind of reformulating our idea of how the world works. | ||
| You know, and we don't really necessarily trust our parents that brought us into this thing. | ||
| We don't necessarily trust our parents' parents to have a full sort of an account of what really is going on in this life, biologically, physically, geopolitically. | ||
| We're one of the first generations to truly have a decent grasp of it because of our use of the internet. | ||
| So a lot of what we're doing as adults is essentially trying to re-govern our own culture, to re-figure out how we're communicating with each other. | ||
| If the New York Giants fans really want to beat the fuck out of the Raiders and they don't even know them, Isn't there something wrong with that? | ||
| Could that not be us on another side of the country? | ||
| Do you not understand that? | ||
| You really want to go to a fucking ball game in Philly and they break your leg in the hallway because you're wearing the wrong shirt? | ||
| That stuff happens. | ||
| That's you, man. | ||
| That's you on the ground living a different life and you just stomped on your thigh bone and snapped it. | ||
| And that's a really unfortunate aspect of life, this sort of a tribal thing that might have existed in that book, The Road, in that movie. | ||
| What could happen if the shit hits the fan? | ||
| But what we have to understand is the shit's not hitting the fan right now. | ||
| It's not hitting the fan at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is nothing like the shit that's the fan. | |
| There's a guy that I was mentioning earlier that was talking about how life right now that we're unhappy but yet we live very much like kings and emperors, you know, did a hundred years ago, which I thought was really stupid because first of all, The idea of we don't live anything like an emperor. | ||
| You don't have a harem. | ||
| You can't order them around. | ||
| You can't have people killed if they talk shit. | ||
| You don't have people carrying you around on a giant tray everywhere you go. | ||
| Also, you're not eating rancid fucking meat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're not dying from whooping cough because nobody knows what the fuck it is and they think you got possessed by a demon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was always Yeah, those silly fucks. | |
| Dude, can I tell you about something? | ||
| I don't know how long I've been doing this, but please, can you look something up, dude? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Augmented reality sandbox. | ||
| Augmented reality sandbox. | ||
| Look up this fucking thing, man. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Speaking of living in the best, it's an Xbox Kinect set up over a sandbox with a projector blasting flowing water into it. | ||
| So as you move your finger through the sandbox, water flows around and grass forms. | ||
| It's like the future of video games, man. | ||
| Especially with this new quantum sand that apparently computers can construct into shapes that they're talking about. | ||
| Did you find it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| What the fuck is this, man? | ||
| It's fucking badass. | ||
| So explain it one more time, please? | ||
| It is an Xbox Kinect that's somehow detecting changes in the terrain of the sandbox and projecting water and grass and sand over different parts of it, I think based on how high or how low the sand is. | ||
| So if you, like, go really... | ||
| Like, if you hold your hand over it, it makes water appear running through the sandbox. | ||
| And if you run your fingers through it, I think water appears as though there's, like, water under the sand, like at the beach. | ||
| You know when my fucking computer runs slow as shit? | ||
| Probably when you're streaming a podcast. | ||
| Yeah, when I'm streaming a podcast. | ||
| What's that about? | ||
| Well, it's because I guess there's only a certain amount of bandwidth. | ||
| That's weak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it really that hard to make a podcast, folks? | |
| I know. | ||
| Every time I try to go online, it's just slug-like. | ||
| I'm sorry, so I was looking that up. | ||
| Augmented reality. | ||
| I'm trying to pull up the YouTube video, but it's really slow here. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| Okay, now I'm looking at it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And so, how does it work? | ||
| The Xbox Kinect, I think, identifies distances. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| So you're drawing in the sandbox, and then as you scoop up the sandbox, it's showing on a projection screen? | ||
| It's projecting directly onto the sand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| From above. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's projecting changes in colors. | ||
| It looks very psychedelic. | ||
| It's super psychedelic. | ||
| You could trip a kid out. | ||
| Make a kid make sandcastles and that shit. | ||
| Trip him out. | ||
| Fuck the kid, man. | ||
| It's next level. | ||
| Next level sandcastles. | ||
| Wait till they project StarCraft on that fucking thing. | ||
| I'm gone. | ||
| I'm gone. | ||
| Speaking of Starcraft, every day in my life is just like downtime until Prometheus comes out. | ||
| I'm just like, I would like to clone Ridley Scott and give him an infinite budget and just give him all the acid and mushrooms he needs and him and H.R. Geiger and just lock him in a room together and just make a million alien movies. | ||
| Dude, I've been I swear to God, I've been thinking about inducing a coma just to wake up and be able to go to Prometheus. | ||
| I can't fucking wait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, it's so dorkalicious. | |
| Yeah, I can't wait. | ||
| It's like I was saying about my lust to go see the Avengers. | ||
| I feel like I'm getting away with something. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I'm going to bring the Mustang, too. | ||
| The stupidest fucking kid car that I had. | ||
| I have a Shelby GT500. It's just really loud. | ||
| Super American car. | ||
| It's so American, man. | ||
| Everything about it. | ||
| They don't make another car. | ||
| No one in the rest of the world makes a car like a Shelby Mustang. | ||
| Slides all over the place. | ||
| It handles pretty well, considering. | ||
| I went and test drove cars yesterday. | ||
| Man, they're so fucking nice after you've been driving around an 89 Volvo. | ||
| I love cars. | ||
| Cars are my number one technological thrill, like the thing that I enjoy the most. | ||
| I just love the craftsmanship. | ||
| I love how someone's created something. | ||
| I love the different philosophies behind cars, like the high-revving cars of Germany, or like the deep... | ||
| Low torque muscle cars of America. | ||
| I think they're fascinating to me. | ||
| They're moving works of art that they sell. | ||
| If you buy a new Corvette, there's a lot of people that think Corvettes are douchey because a lot of douchebags drive Corvettes. | ||
| But Corvettes are fucking amazing. | ||
| It's an amazing piece of construction and engineering. | ||
| Dude, but isn't that a funny thing? | ||
| Because people think they're supposed to think it's not cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| An object can get a douchebag-ish reputation, and thus if you're with that object... | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| My fucking phone. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| You have a horn? | ||
| You ridiculous motherfucker. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's a forest horn. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Turn that shit on mute, son. | ||
| I don't know how. | ||
| There's a little thing on the side of it. | ||
| I won't turn down all the way. | ||
| It goes to vibrate, stupid. | ||
| The thing on the side. | ||
| Up above, where your fingers are. | ||
| Where your fuck finger is. | ||
| See that? | ||
| That finger right there, man. | ||
| Jesus Christ, are you retarded? | ||
| There's a little lever on the top of the side of your phone. | ||
| The top of the side. | ||
| You see that? | ||
| Yeah, that shuts it to vibrate, you fuck. | ||
| Oh, that changed my life! | ||
| Oh, you are so retarded. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| How do you not know how to fucking turn your vibrator on? | ||
| Seriously, man? | ||
| At night, that fucking horn's been waking me up. | ||
| Oh my God, you idiot. | ||
| Oh my god, you idiot. | ||
| You didn't know that? | ||
| How the fuck do you have an iPhone and not know where the vibrate button is? | ||
| Duncan, you make me sad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry, man. | |
| You fucking just changed my life, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That fucking thing is bothering me nonstop. | |
| Dude, I've been looking at some of these Android phones they have now. | ||
| I know I get, like, lusty envy with certain phones, but one of them I've been looking at is this Galaxy Note. | ||
| I've been watching videos, and one of the things that everybody keeps saying is, once you get this thing, it's really hard to go back to a regular phone. | ||
| Five inches wide. | ||
| And it's 4G. It's wicked fast. | ||
| It's a crazy fast processor. | ||
| And I'm watching these people use it and play with it online and take pictures with it and draw on the picture. | ||
| Like, you can write, like, I'm stupid. | ||
| And you can send it in an email or send it in a text message. | ||
| And browsing the internet. | ||
| I mean, it's fucking huge, man. | ||
| It's five inches. | ||
| Yeah, man, I feel like the little screen on the iPhone... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not enough. | |
| I think it gives you eye strain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's bad. | |
| I think it fucks up your eyes. | ||
| This thing is better. | ||
| This fucking thing is better. | ||
| I may switch. | ||
| I may switch from the iPhone to this notebook. | ||
| I'll never switch from the iPhone. | ||
| You say that, man, but these new ice cream sandwich Google phones are pretty fucking complicated, man. | ||
| They're really badass. | ||
| I've never taken that risk again. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They would kiss my ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Look at you. | ||
| I had an Android for so long, it We're good to go. | ||
| And the new Samsung Galaxy 3, that's another one that just came out in England. | ||
| I don't think it's out in America yet. | ||
| That's another huge one. | ||
| It's like 4.8 inch screen. | ||
| Enormous screen. | ||
| Not quite as big as the Note. | ||
| The Note is like 5 plus. | ||
| I think 5.3. | ||
| But it's a huge screen. | ||
| And when you touch the outside of it, it ripples like water. | ||
| It's got the effect that there's water on it. | ||
| When you rub your hand across it, it takes a snapshot of the screen. | ||
| That's all you have to do. | ||
| It's like you're a magician. | ||
| You do that. | ||
| They're badass, man. | ||
| Which is going to lead to a lot of accidental screenshots. | ||
| People are going to be fucking and drop their phone on the ground. | ||
| It looks like it's a swipe, but really it's just passing by a dick. | ||
| And they're going to take pictures of ball sacks and all kinds of unexpected shit. | ||
| All kinds of... | ||
| What's the word you're looking for? | ||
| Candid. | ||
| Candid shots. | ||
| Candid. | ||
| Adult shots. | ||
| Random vagina shots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Adult. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| This is an adult film. | ||
| Some screenshots. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of... | ||
| The camera's view. | ||
| Dude, you know what I'm afraid of, man? | ||
| I'm afraid that, like, here's what's going to happen. | ||
| This is what I think is going to happen to me when I get conspiratorial and worry about the crazy shit we talk about on here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-oh. | |
| I think one day, the feds are going to come. | ||
| They're going to take me... | ||
| They're going to do the old Bill Hicks thing where they take you into a room. | ||
| But instead of showing a video of an assassination, they're going to show a screen filled with MOVs of me jerking off in front of my fucking mouth. | ||
| In front of your camera. | ||
| And next to it, the different things I was jerking off to. | ||
| And they're going to show me that and be like, hey man, you want to keep saying the hippie shit? | ||
| You want to keep talking about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because look. | |
| I want to keep talking, hippie boy. | ||
| Hey, what's this? | ||
| What's this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is this German piss porn, Duncan, that you are looking at? | |
| Is it possible to convert the entire government into a positive force? | ||
| Is it possible to have people that are really looking out to do the right thing and get it all together? | ||
| or is the job of working for the government so fucking unrewarding and boring that everyone just falls into a place of non-innovation non-responsibility thinking the diffusion of responsibility that comes with the corporation also falls upon you when you're in government it's just it seems so futile it seems so huge it seems so impassable that you just sort of give up and come you just become a part of the wave dude I think right now it's I don't know how you fix it | ||
| So all I can think about is like... | ||
| In the micro you fix it, and if the majority of people start improving their lives and the lives of people around them and actively seeking to put positive energy out in the world, then maybe that'll sort of transform the government itself in a real way. | ||
| But as long as people are getting caught up worrying about the macro and thinking that everything's coming to a screeching halt and everything's fucked up and they might as well just live like idiots and give up So I think the idea is it's like, yeah, things are fucked up. | ||
| The world, Nancy Grace's world, is a shitty fucking world. | ||
| But let's not worry about Lynn, Laniece, Lanou got strangled in the Everglades. | ||
| And let's start worrying about the way that we're treating our fucking wife or our friends or our kids or whatever and deal with that. | ||
| And then if enough people started doing that, I think a big change would happen in the world, man. | ||
| You can definitely change. | ||
| Look, everybody can change. | ||
| And everybody can change their own environment by surrounding yourself with other people that are like-minded. | ||
| That is possible. | ||
| And that's one of the things that I think that this podcast does. | ||
| We've talked about this before, but it's important to recognize that we're aware of this. | ||
| That this is not something that existed when we were young. | ||
| We didn't have access to people that were just, for sort of, with no real... | ||
| I mean, there's no obligation. | ||
| There's no real direction that we're trying to go with us. | ||
| We are just trying to express ourselves 100% honestly. | ||
| There's no ulterior motive. | ||
| There's no agenda. | ||
| There's no deception. | ||
| It's just this is how we really view the world. | ||
| And when you're stuck somewhere and you don't have people like that around you, this is the only way you can get that. | ||
| And through this, It allows people to connect, like-minded people to connect through Twitter and through Facebook and whatever. | ||
| And they seek each other out and all improve the actual environment they live in. | ||
| And then it starts these exponential changes all over the world. | ||
| That's the only way, in my opinion, we're ever going to change any government anyway. | ||
| It's expose them to new ideas that are more satisfying than the stupid, dumb conqueror model that they've been using since before the days of Genghis Khan. | ||
| That's it, man. | ||
| And we've got to figure that out. | ||
| We have to figure out what that looks like. | ||
| Well, that looks like the internet. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| It's like Reddit. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The internet is the only thing that doesn't want to hear your bullshit. | ||
| There's isolated pockets. | ||
| There's isolated places where you can go, like stormfront websites, where you can just go hang out with only Nazis. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There are a lot of those out there. | ||
| You could just do that. | ||
| But the overwhelming social network interaction, the overwhelming... | ||
| Experience seems to be the distribution of information. | ||
| Good and bad. | ||
| Good and bad. | ||
| But the distribution of information, the exposure of reality. | ||
| Yeah, it's incredible, man, and it's like definitely, if you look back at history and the way powers always fought to subvert the flow of information and suddenly there's a thing that is like a truth volcano and there's no way to put a fucking cork on it. | ||
| No, dude, if we had this, if this was a radio show and we were in 1960 and this was a pirate radio show, they'd put us in jail. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They would come after us and put us in jail. | ||
| There's a giant difference between the world of post-1993, which is really sort of one of the first years of the internet being like a public entity that I can remember. | ||
| Maybe it happened a few years before that for the real hardcore guys, like the real hardcore geeks. | ||
| But for me, 1993 is about what I... And that's a different fucking era. | ||
| They might as well have been... | ||
| I mean, before that, there was no cell phones either. | ||
| All that happened at the same time as well. | ||
| You know, essentially, in a few years post... | ||
| You know, it all kind of bubbled together into one big sort of a communicative soup. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| And it's also incredible how positive it can be. | ||
| Can be, yeah. | ||
| This. | ||
| This. | ||
| With this, more positive for us, you know, for sure. | ||
| More positive at the shows. | ||
| More people enjoying themselves. | ||
| We're having shows that we've never had before. | ||
| So the kind of shows we're having where we're going, thousands of people are there, and the thousands of people are screaming and having fun, and this is just a massive burst of positive energy. | ||
| Well, that massive burst of positive energy all came out of doing something like this, doing this podcast, connecting with all those people out there, filling their head with something to think about while they're working, while they're doing mundane tasks, while they're commuting, all of it for free, all of it without an agenda, and all of that, we see what it does. | ||
| It spreads out more positivity. | ||
| And it makes you want to write more shit and it makes you want to perform more comedy and have more material for them and do more shows. | ||
| And it fucking rocks your consciousness when the freaks contact you and say, hey, listen, I'm a thelemite. | ||
| I'm a disciple of Crowley. | ||
| Hey, why don't you check out this book? | ||
| Book four. | ||
| And then you order. | ||
| Alright, I'll fucking get book four. | ||
| And then you're reading Crowley and suddenly you're like, holy fucking shit. | ||
| This is some intense shit here. | ||
| Some of this is right on and real. | ||
| Or that guy Matt Staggs from Disinfo. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| He sent me all these fucking books. | ||
| I've been reading these books and getting stoned and reading these books and just start shuddering and stoner. | ||
| Like, are you fucking If you don't know about this info, just go out and get your being lied to. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| Anybody says there's no conspiracies is a fucking idiot. | ||
| Because, like as we were talking about with 9-11, there had to be a conspiracy on the enemy side. | ||
| So there are conspiracies in human nature, and they do pull things off. | ||
| And if you don't think they have in the past, you're being silly. | ||
| You're being incredibly silly. | ||
| That's how it runs! | ||
| Yeah, there's obviously conspiracies. | ||
| There needs to be conspiracies. | ||
| How about every time you fucking... | ||
| I mean, yeah, there's many conspiracies and huge conspiracies. | ||
| Anyway, the whole point is, what we have going on here is not a one-sided thing. | ||
| We've got a conversation happening with these people. | ||
| We're connecting with people. | ||
| And that's why it's so cool to do those things we do after the show. | ||
| We go out and take pictures with people for fucking hours. | ||
| Greatest. | ||
| For hours. | ||
| We just go wade out into the crowd and take pictures. | ||
| So fun. | ||
| That's where it's hacking. | ||
| Yeah, and these people are overwhelmingly cool. | ||
| Overwhelmingly cool. | ||
| I, I, yeah. | ||
| 99.9%. | ||
| 99.9999. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And even the ones that aren't cool are just fucking probably just freaking out. | ||
| The ones that aren't cool are just a little too drunk, I've noticed. | ||
| Just a little bit of that, yeah. | ||
| Fucking poor shit. | ||
| Sad bitches. | ||
| But other than that, it's been overwhelmingly positive. | ||
| And that all came from this one thing. | ||
| It all came from this one idea, this desire to express yourself and express information, discuss things, and to force ourselves to have these conversations on a regular basis. | ||
| And Duncan and I, we started having these conversations when he was working at the Comedy Store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly what you're saying. | |
| Very similar. | ||
| That's how we became friends. | ||
| Duncan was the guy who you'd call in and say, hey man, I'm going to be in town Friday and Saturday, throw me up. | ||
| And Duncan would, you know, he would write down the lineups and give them to Mitzi, and Mitzi would decide where to put everybody. | ||
| So Duncan may not call him up. | ||
| Hey man, I'm going to be in town Friday. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Dude, I just read this book, okay? | ||
| And we would go into these crazy fucking rabbit hole conversations. | ||
| Because sometimes the phone wouldn't ring at the comedy store for an hour. | ||
| So you and I would just keep talking. | ||
| We would just have long ass crazy conversations about all kinds of weird shit. | ||
| Yeah man, but you know, you pretty much gave me my big break. | ||
| Because you started taking me out on the road with you when I sucked. | ||
| Well, you know, you always had potential. | ||
| You know, it wasn't that... | ||
| Well, you saw that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that meant a lot. | ||
| Because, like, having, like, you be like, hey, man, like, I can remember... | ||
| I'll never forget this shit, man. | ||
| I can remember being in the OR and doing this joke. | ||
| I don't even do it anymore. | ||
| But it was like, being in a bad relationship is like having an octopus stuck to your face that every once in a while whispers to you, do you still love me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| This is some dumb joke. | ||
| But I remember you saw that and after it you were like, that was fucking funny, man. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, holy shit, man. | ||
| Rogan thinks that joke's funny. | ||
| That was a big moment, man. | ||
| You really do help a lot of young comics, man. | ||
| You help a lot of fucking comics. | ||
| You really have like a... | ||
| A sort of patron thing happening with people. | ||
| Well, that's nice if that's true. | ||
| I love comedy, man. | ||
| It's still my favorite thing to watch as an audience member. | ||
| I think it's the greatest art form there is. | ||
| As far as me, what entertains me, I just love watching a good comic more than anything. | ||
| So I love helping. | ||
| I love watching guys become killers. | ||
| I remember watching Ari Shafir go from being a guy who was a little bit uncomfortable on stage, trying to find his feet, to one day, you know, just slowly but surely becoming a killer. | ||
| And now I just watch, I've seen Ari crush in front of thousands of people. | ||
| And I remember taking him on the road with me. | ||
| I remember I took him to Denver. | ||
| I was taking Mike Young. | ||
| Mike Young couldn't make it for some reason. | ||
| So we took Ari, and Ari just fucking lit the place on fire. | ||
| And I was like, God damn, look at Ari Shafir. | ||
| All of a sudden, he's a real comedian. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's beautiful to watch your friends grow and prosper and become real comedians. | ||
| You would fucking encourage me to do the puppet act and fucking crowd film. | ||
| Fuck them, man. | ||
| Just do it. | ||
| That's your bit. | ||
| It was awesome, man. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| But a lot of fucking, a lot of comics who are bringing people on the road with them would not recommend before their sets be like, hey, dude, do that fucking really uncomfortable satanic puppet act. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right? | |
| So that I come out, because I want to see what it's like to come out to a horrified crowd. | ||
| Not just a crowd that's like, like, seeing someone bomb, but a crowd that's like, maybe seeing like, either someone who's schizophrenic or like, Well, you know, I mean, I had this conversation with Ari once on the road. | ||
| We were talking about trying out new stuff and bombing or, you know, or what have you. | ||
| You know, like the willingness to take chances and then sometimes it doesn't work out. | ||
| And he said, yeah, but sometimes, you know, you go on the road and you don't want to take those chances. | ||
| I said, well, you don't have to worry about that because you're open enough for me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it doesn't matter if you bomb. | ||
| You're never going to get fired. | ||
| I know that you're a funny comedian. | ||
| Yeah, that's cool. | ||
| As long as you're trying to be... | ||
| I wouldn't have that feeling is when someone wasn't trying to get better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| There are people that just get to a certain point and they just completely plateau and then they redo the same jokes for a decade. | ||
| We all know comics that are like that. | ||
| I have no desire to be around those type of people. | ||
| But the type of guys like you or like Ari or anybody who is improving and always working on your stand-up, I was like, go fuck around up there, man. | ||
| If it doesn't work out, it doesn't matter. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| It's all about developing. | ||
| Oh, dude, but you don't necessarily tiptoe around the fact that some of our jokes don't work out. | ||
| You've got to be honest about that, but I want you to be honest to me, too. | ||
| Eddie Bravo said to me once, he goes, man, I don't like that joke you're doing. | ||
| And I said, yeah, I'm kind of forcing it, right? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, thank you for telling me that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Thank you. | |
| Because I'm fucking forcing that joke. | ||
| That was a joke that I had kept in my arsenal that I had committed to for whatever reason. | ||
| It just wasn't good. | ||
| No, that kind of shit helps, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah, man. | ||
| You need to know. | ||
| You need to know when you're being repetitive. | ||
| You need to know when you overuse the word fuck and you make for an uncomfortable moment when someone's listening to you. | ||
| You're doing it when you're on stage. | ||
| Is you're essentially controlling the pattern of thought that goes through someone's mind, because you're going to bring up various topics and various subjects that put various images and feelings in people, and you have to get them to appreciate where your mind is coming from. | ||
| Well, if you're adding in a bunch of extra fucks, or you're stammering, or you're coming off like a goof, which oftentimes we do, especially on this podcast when we got too high, like I couldn't remember the Young Turk thing earlier. | ||
| Ah, that's okay. | ||
| We go into stammer mode. | ||
| But no one wants to listen to that and then allow you to continue controlling the pattern of thought. | ||
| That's why it's an uncomfortable moment. | ||
| That uncomfortable moment is the realization that at that moment you shouldn't be in control. | ||
| And unfortunately you are. | ||
| Because there's only two people in the room. | ||
| Regardless of the fact that a half a million people are going to listen to this, there's only two people in the room. | ||
| Two people. | ||
| Sometimes I've gone on stage and fucking forgotten what's about to come out of my mouth. | ||
| That's the worst thing where you're like in the middle of something and that's happened to me a couple of times where I'm like too high and I'm like, shit. | ||
| Can I do this joke? | ||
| You gotta be careful. | ||
| Well, you know what sucks when you do more than one show in a night. | ||
| Yeah, and then you get really confused. | ||
| Well, because when you do more than one show, what happens is there's a state of mind when you're on stage, which is like, let's just consider it getting on the trolley and sitting in the same seat, okay? | ||
| You get on the trolley, you're in that same seat. | ||
| That is the state of mind that you're at when you're on stage. | ||
| Like, I'm in this driver's seat, and here we go, I'm on the trolley. | ||
| Well, when you're on the trolley again for the second show, And especially if you do it like I do it, where I don't really have necessarily a particular order. | ||
| I think I have an idea of probably how I'm going to close, but I don't know how the fuck I'm going to open, and I might go from here to there, and I might jump all over the place. | ||
| And when I do that, then I can get lost and say, I don't remember if I did this one already. | ||
| Dude, it's, um, yeah, it's really easy to lose your focus up there, but thank God it doesn't happen all the time. | ||
| You know, I just realized this two-man thing, a problem? | ||
| I gotta fucking piss, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| Go piss, let's wrap this up. | ||
| We've been talking for two hours. | ||
| Should we wrap it up now? | ||
| In 50 minutes. | ||
| Yeah, let's wrap it up now. | ||
| So, I think, um, to wrap up the Brian thing, you know, I think we all learned a little something from this. | ||
| And I think, yeah, online feuds and just spats and all that stuff is just bitch shit. | ||
| Yeah, let's forget. | ||
| Water over the bridge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's gross. | |
| Done. | ||
| Done. | ||
| See you later. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. | |
| You're going to have to have a city of levitation to lift yourself above this life. | ||
| We need to get you back in the isolation tank, dude. | ||
| I've got to get in there. | ||
| Can I plug something? | ||
| Plug the fuck out of it, son. | ||
| We're doing pre-sales for the first time ever in my life as a comedian. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| I've started selling t-shirts. | ||
| We're doing pre-sales for t-shirts at the shop at dougatrustle.com. | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| One of them is a pyramid killing a fucking vampire. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| If they order pre-sale, how long is it before the shirt will actually ship? | ||
| We're going to put the order in on the 15th. | ||
| So then how long will it be until they actually get it? | ||
| It's on the side. | ||
| I think it'll be a couple of weeks. | ||
| Couple of weeks. | ||
| You can handle a couple of weeks, folks. | ||
| Give me something to look forward to. | ||
| Plus, if you get them now, it's $20. | ||
| And if you wait, it's $2 extra! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you can't do that. | |
| Whoa! | ||
| Duncan, you're crazy. | ||
| You're a marketing genius. | ||
| I like how you do. | ||
| You give them a penalty. | ||
| My web guy, Steve, came up with that. | ||
| That guy sounds like a creep. | ||
| No, he's an awesome guy. | ||
| I know he is. | ||
| And he loves this show. | ||
| He's a gimmicky motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, he's great. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| I can't help myself. | ||
| I love you, Steve. | ||
| You're the greatest ever. | ||
| Steve, I don't even know you and I love you, but you are me and I am you. | ||
| We already established that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holla! | |
| We'll be doing more podcasts this week. | ||
| I'm not sure who. | ||
| I'm working out the next couple of ones this week, but more Red Band as well. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| We'll bring my little buddy back into the mix. | ||
| And so I want to thank everybody that came to New York this past weekend. | ||
| We had the fucking time of our lives. | ||
| It was a blast. | ||
| I mean, you can't get better than that. | ||
| I played it yesterday. | ||
| I played the audio of Joey Diaz going on stage. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| It was insane! | ||
| I'll pull it up again just because it's so ridiculous. | ||
| I gotta go piss. | ||
| It doesn't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go ahead. | |
| When you go piss, I'll play this. | ||
| Because I played it for Mrs. Rogan and she almost didn't believe it. | ||
| It doesn't... | ||
| It really doesn't seem real. | ||
| This is Joey Coco Diaz going on stage in New York. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He hasn't even had a chance to say a word yet. | |
| He hasn't even had a chance to say a word yet. | ||
| He had a stop down. | ||
| It was just crazy. | ||
| It really represents to all of us some sort of a real obvious paradigm shift. | ||
| And I can speak for every one of us, for Joey, for Ari, for Duncan. | ||
| We're very, very thankful that all this is happening. | ||
| And for me personally, as a guy who, you know, I was the one who was on television and I was the one who was taking these guys on the road with me, to see guys like Joey all of a sudden become recognized and people appreciate him for what he is. | ||
| Joey has always had a hard time with people recognizing his brilliance because he's so crazy and out there and wild with his comedy that until he was famous, until he was an established personality like he is now, it's almost like it's too hot to handle. | ||
| It's too much to deal with. | ||
| Nobody wanted to have him middle. | ||
| That was a big deal with Joey Diaz. | ||
| He couldn't get work on the road because he couldn't headline, but he couldn't middle. | ||
| Because nobody wanted Joey Diaz on in front of him. | ||
| Because he would just go up and fucking destroy. | ||
| But my philosophy of comedy came out of the Comedy Store. | ||
| And first of all, what that meant was that we were all brothers in the Comedy Store. | ||
| So it was like, if I was going to take anybody on the road with me, I take my Comedy Store brothers. | ||
| It was always Ari Shafir, it was always Duncan Trussell, it was different people, Sam Tripoli, different people that are Comedy Store brothers. | ||
| And Joey was always a Comedy Store brother. | ||
| And so when I started taking him on the road with me, there was two reasons. | ||
| One, because he was a Comedy Store brother. | ||
| And two, because the philosophy of the Comedy Store also was you wanted to go on with a bunch of other killers. | ||
| You didn't want to be the only guy that was good. | ||
| Comedy Store was about a bunch of different guys being good. | ||
| like the old outlaws of comedy you know with Karl Lebeau and Kinnison like there's a bunch of guys that were really good Ron shock there was a bunch of these dudes that were really good together and that you know so so taking guys like Joey on the road and exposing him to all these people and then seeing them go on stage in these fucking gigantic rounds of applause he gets it's beautiful I couldn't be happier it's amazing to me it's like it's like a vision that's sort of coming true | ||
| We have this idea, when we used to do these, you know, when we were calling ourselves a death squad, we used to do these little videos. | ||
| I hired Brian to do these death squad videos. | ||
| And some of them were really short, like one of them was Joey Diaz talking about mugging this gay guy, and the gay guy beat him up. | ||
| I mean, there's a bunch of them. | ||
| I'll probably get Brian to try to find them all and organize them and put them online, because some of them were really classic videos. | ||
| But the idea didn't really come to fruition in the terms of doing it through these little video clips. | ||
| The real way to get to know a guy like Joey is to get to know him on the podcast. | ||
| To hear him go off for hours and hours about criminal stories, about sneaking into some girl's fucking bedroom at 2 o'clock in the morning and eating her pussy and then escaping. | ||
| Just the crazy shit that he did. | ||
| You know, the Lucy Snorbrich story has become so big that a guy in Atlanta... | ||
| Did you see the stickers that he made? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He had, hello, my name is Lucy Snorbush teaching stickers. | ||
| They're amazing, man. | ||
| To see that happening and to see it all come out of this one idea that, man, I've got this really talented group of friends and I think that if we all stick together and sort of help each other out and pump each other up, we make each other better. | ||
| We make each other funnier and we create a bigger footprint of positive energy. | ||
| All of us together have one giant footprint of positive energy. | ||
| But it has to be only that. | ||
| And that's why it was very important to resolve this whole issue with you and Brian. | ||
| As I said, it's not a clear-cut case of either one person having done the right thing. | ||
| And there's errors made on both sides, both in... | ||
| The actual act itself and in the discussion of the act afterwards. | ||
| There's some incorrect thinking and there's some negative thinking going on. | ||
| But hopefully we'll work all that shit out. | ||
| The most important thing is we're all of us in this fucking thing together. | ||
| And the less negative bullshit that you can spread, the more forgiveness that you can give, the more you can call people up and go, I'm fucking sorry. | ||
| I'm really sorry. | ||
| And the more the person listening can go, it's all good, dude. | ||
| The more we can do that in this life, the more we realize that we're all capable in various situations and in various circumstances of making colossal mistakes. | ||
| It doesn't necessarily mean you're a horrible person. | ||
| It just means sometimes we don't respond well to stress. | ||
| Sometimes we don't respond well to character issues and we need to learn and we need to grow. | ||
| And you may be more perfect than I am. | ||
| You may be further ahead. | ||
| But show me. | ||
| Show me how you got there. | ||
| Don't chastise. | ||
| Don't be angry and don't hate. | ||
| Try to elevate. | ||
| We can all make this. | ||
| We're not going to make utopia. | ||
| It doesn't exist. | ||
| But we can all make our environment and the people we come in contact with a little bit better. | ||
| Amen. | ||
| My recording will stop in three minutes. | ||
| I just got a warning from Ustream. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| Power to the people. | ||
| I love all you dirty bitches. | ||
| We do. | ||
| And we'll be back soon. | ||
| Thanks to The Fleshlight. | ||
| Go to JoeRogan.net. | ||
| Click on the link for The Fleshlight. | ||
| Enter in the code DaveRogan and you will save yourself some money. | ||
| And thank you to Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. Enter in the code name ROGAN. And you will get 10% off any and all orders. | ||
| Thank you for everybody. | ||
| Thank you for everybody for tuning in. | ||
| That sounds like my Brazilian translation. | ||
| Thank you everybody for tuning in. | ||
| And we love the fuck out of you. | ||
| Love you. |
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