Speaker | Time | Text |
---|---|---|
They're friendly. | ||
That's like the biggest compliment ever. | ||
Ready? | ||
And they all love Flashlight. | ||
That voice is the voice of Neil Brennan. | ||
If you don't know Neil Brennan, he'd be right now. | ||
He was the co-creator of The Chappelle Show. | ||
Shut up, dude. | ||
No one cares, bro. | ||
Don't hate on that, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
Don't hate. | ||
unidentified
|
There's a lot of dudes just because you can get a hold of a guy on Twitter and go, Yeah, we know you were the fucking host. | |
You're a co-fucking creator or whatever you are, dude. | ||
We heard it already. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Next! | ||
unidentified
|
Next day! | |
What else did you do? | ||
People don't want to hear that, man. | ||
They don't want to hear the actual truth. | ||
Meanwhile, if it was them, god damn, they would never stop talking about it. | ||
It's reality. | ||
Look, if you don't know Neil Brennan, he deserves to be recognized for what he has accomplished. | ||
I deserve this. | ||
unidentified
|
Bitch! | |
He also deserves a free Fleshlight. | ||
Would you like one? | ||
Yeah, I would love one. | ||
I got a good one for you. | ||
A fresh new one. | ||
A new package of one. | ||
We're sponsored by the Fleshlight. | ||
There's nothing in that one, Brian, because you sucked it out like a fucking weirdo. | ||
If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will save yourself 15% off. | ||
An excellent masturbation tool. | ||
It's a real good product, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
If it wasn't, we wouldn't get behind it here at the Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
We're also brought to you by Onnit. | ||
That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of AlphaBrain, which is a cognitive-enhancing supplement if you want to learn all about the various things that we have. | ||
ShroomTech Sport, ShroomTech Immune, and 5-HTP. What is the shroom part? | ||
Shroom is a cordyceps mushroom. | ||
Portoceps, for one of them. | ||
I don't know what the immune one is. | ||
So it's not cybacillic? | ||
No, no, no. | ||
unidentified
|
Could you imagine if you could just get away with selling that? | |
Can you imagine? | ||
How dare you? | ||
No, there's certain mushrooms that they've found people eat in high altitudes that help them deal I fuck with kettlebells now, by the way. | ||
unidentified
|
It's awesome, dude. | |
It's the best because it doesn't take a long time. | ||
No, you could get blasted out in 20 minutes. | ||
I'm fucking blasted, bro. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Whoa, you are, dude. | ||
You are! | ||
On it, we're making kettlebells as well. | ||
Are you really? | ||
Yeah. | ||
I would like to pre-order. | ||
Dude, I'll get you some. | ||
We're going to have regular kettlebells. | ||
We're going to make them the best we can make them and ship them the cheapest we can ship them and sell them the cheapest we can sell them. | ||
That's the goal with these guys. | ||
Because I went and bought one. | ||
They're super expensive. | ||
I bought one. | ||
It's like a dollar a pound or not? | ||
Yeah, a dollar a pound is normal. | ||
So 70 pounds is like a $70 purchase for this one piece of metal. | ||
The real bitch, ladies and gentlemen, is shipping these things. | ||
That's where it's going to cost a fuckload of money. | ||
Yeah, well that's where I went to the valley and bought one. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Because I wanted to ship it. | ||
So we're going to have two different lines of kettlebells, and here's what's up. | ||
We're going to have the regular kettlebells that we're going to sell and make as inexpensive but high quality. | ||
It has to be high quality first. | ||
It has to be done to the right dimensions. | ||
The grip has to be the right size. | ||
That all has to be taken into account for first. | ||
And then we have to sell it as cheap as possible and ship it as cheap as possible. | ||
The idea is to make them like the most affordable kettlebells that are the best quality you can get. | ||
That's the goal. | ||
That's 100% the goal. | ||
Because we don't have to advertise anywhere else, we're going to see, like, you know, I think people respond to it. | ||
Have you seen prototypes of them? | ||
Yes. | ||
I already have one. | ||
unidentified
|
I'll show you. | |
I have one here. | ||
Okay. | ||
It's perfect. | ||
I have sweaty palms. | ||
Yeah, it's good. | ||
Yeah, it is good, but sometimes it slips. | ||
Yeah, but that's why I'm saying it's good. | ||
When it's wet, sometimes when I'm concentrating on specific techniques, I'll chalk up my hands. | ||
I'll use weight-lifter chalk, which really helps. | ||
It absorbs all the sweat, and you just rub it down and chalk it up before each set. | ||
But when you're sweaty, it forces you to grip it harder, and I think it's really good for your hand strength. | ||
So lately, I've been not using the powder and just trying to concentrate on just gripping it even harder. | ||
I have really sweaty hands, but I think it actually improves my grip strength. | ||
But you also got to worry if you're throwing a 50-pound kettlebell around. | ||
Yeah, that's what I mean. | ||
Because I do it in my living room. | ||
I have a tiny gym that I lift weights in. | ||
It's like as small as this office. | ||
So I'll fucking... | ||
If I slip... | ||
Does that happen a lot? | ||
No. | ||
No. | ||
They should have one of those straps. | ||
It's made my grip a hundred times... | ||
No, not a hundred times. | ||
But for jiu-jitsu, it's made my grip way better than it ever was before. | ||
Because I'm regularly throwing these 70-pound things around with each hand. | ||
And there's so much inertia. | ||
There's so much like when you're catching it, you're catching this fat metal bar with a cannonball behind it. | ||
That's the point. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It builds your whole body to work as one unit. | ||
When everybody does lift, you know, if you lift weights, like lifting weights is great. | ||
If you want to get your biceps bigger, do curls. | ||
You want to get, you know, it's all simple. | ||
Everybody knows how to do it, right? | ||
But when you're doing that normal bodybuilding stuff, you're isolating all your muscles, which is really weird. | ||
And it doesn't ever happen like that in the wild. | ||
If you're using your body, you're never in a jungle doing tricep extensions. | ||
Most people are training for the wild, correct? | ||
You're moving around. | ||
Yeah, life. | ||
You're moving around as one unit. | ||
And if you want to get strong, you should get strong. | ||
The idea behind it is as one unit. | ||
So when you're doing kettlebells, your whole body is working. | ||
I've got to say, kettlebells? | ||
Taking my ass from maybe a three and a half to a seven. | ||
That's a strong statement. | ||
No, but it's looking. | ||
You think your ass is a seven? | ||
It's a seven. | ||
Sir, you walked in front of me, okay, and you sat down. | ||
Unless you're sagging. | ||
Are you sagging? | ||
No. | ||
You don't sag, do you? | ||
No, but I had nothing. | ||
I had nothing. | ||
What do you think about white guys that sag? | ||
I think I was on the door. | ||
I think I was knocking on the door. | ||
You were thinking about doing it? | ||
Until I read Four Hour Body. | ||
Oh. | ||
And then I started doing kettlebells in my ass. | ||
That's not what I mean. | ||
I mean like sag their pants? | ||
Oh, like hip-hoppy? | ||
Yes, hip-hoppy. | ||
I think at this point it's a little corny. | ||
It's ridiculous. | ||
I mean, it didn't bother... | ||
Yeah, I was probably one of them. | ||
Although I do pride myself on having never really been jived out. | ||
You never jived out? | ||
Not really. | ||
No accent. | ||
A little maybe for a second. | ||
Like in 92? | ||
What was the most embarrassing statement you might have said in 92? | ||
I had a public enemy jacket in 1992. Okay. | ||
Which, you know, was a little corny. | ||
And I had a... | ||
But that was about it. | ||
I mean, it wasn't, like, crazy. | ||
Well, I probably would have bought a public enemy jacket if they had one for sale. | ||
I'd buy one today. | ||
Now you would, but this was on their, like, descent. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
You were just letting me know you're in there. | ||
I would say the N-word a lot. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Just around, like, I was, like, feeling my oats. | ||
Black eyes or black eyes? | ||
Yeah, I was, like, feeling my oats. | ||
You're a white devil. | ||
I've been around those white dudes that will say nigger around a black guy and I'm like, yo, what are you doing, man? | ||
You trying to start some shit here? | ||
Right. | ||
Are you pretending that that's not inflammatory? | ||
Yeah, that's a problem. | ||
We're just supposed to let it go? | ||
We're just supposed to let it go because you're cool about it? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Come on, silly. | ||
That's a highly charged word. | ||
No, that was my thing, yeah. | ||
Anyway, brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
That was a commercial. | ||
Go check out our shit. | ||
Go online. | ||
It's going to do something for you. | ||
I'm telling you, these kettlebells in your ass. | ||
Yeah, it's an amazing workout. | ||
I love it. | ||
It's the number one strength thing that I do. | ||
Go to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, and enter in the code name for Rogan. | ||
I think the kettlebells aren't going to be ready for like a week or so, but we'll let you know as soon as they are. | ||
All right, freaks, let's start this bitch. | ||
Enter in the code name ROGAN, get yourself 10% off everything, every all order. | ||
And if you order 30 pills on the first order, it's a 100% money back guarantee. | ||
If you try it, you don't like it, you're like, this is bullshit. | ||
We're way more concerned with no one feeling like they got ripped off. | ||
The other cool thing is I ordered and they sent all sorts of little supplements with it. | ||
You don't just get the thing that you got. | ||
Did they send you the different stuff like New Mood or something? | ||
Yeah, just tons of like, hey, try a few of these and it's fine. | ||
It's all the highest quality shit you can get online. | ||
Google Nootropics, folks. | ||
Check in. | ||
Look into it. | ||
Don't just make an impulse buy. | ||
You should really read up on it. | ||
There's some fascinating pro and con. | ||
All right? | ||
That's it. | ||
Start the podcast. | ||
Neil Brennan's here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
Train by day. | ||
Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
All day. | ||
Nick Diaz representing. | ||
I'm going to go watch Nick Diaz compete in a grappling match, Brian. | ||
You want to come and film it? | ||
It's like May 12th in Long Beach. | ||
Nick Diaz is going to fight Braulio Estima, this world champion Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. | ||
They're going to have a grappling-only match. | ||
Weird. | ||
Yeah, it'd be dope. | ||
Hey, what is powerful? | ||
Powerful. | ||
You've texted me, powerful. | ||
Powerful Neil Brennan. | ||
It's just sort of a catch-all, silly-ass. | ||
Well, I say powerful Neil Brennan, and so I'm letting you know, you're powerful. | ||
I'm giving you energy. | ||
I'm firing you up. | ||
Thank you. | ||
You know? | ||
I'm happy to be around you. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
When you say that to someone, you're happy to be around them. | ||
Powerful Neil Brennan. | ||
Right? | ||
Powerful Brian Redband. | ||
I don't use it at that much. | ||
I use the shit out of that. | ||
I use it in text form. | ||
Yeah, you powerfuled me on the thing. | ||
Yeah, man. | ||
Spread out that positivity. | ||
That's what it is. | ||
It sounds corny to say, spread out that positivity. | ||
I thought it was just sort of sarcastic. | ||
No, it's being silly. | ||
It's fun. | ||
Powerful fun. | ||
Powerful is like positive fun. | ||
You know? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Whoever, name a guy. | ||
Name a guy. | ||
Jonathan Taylor Thomas. | ||
Powerful Jonathan Taylor Thomas. | ||
Where you been, kid? | ||
Give him one more. | ||
One more name. | ||
Don't hate on Jonathan Taylor. | ||
JTT, come on, man. | ||
He's the bomb. | ||
What happens to guys like that? | ||
They go and do Lifetime movies now? | ||
You know, I think he's one of those guys that I think I could be completely wrong that he did the school thing where he's like, you know what? | ||
I'm going back to school. | ||
Good for him. | ||
That's the thing to do. | ||
Don't rely on... | ||
I think the kid from Jerry Maguire... | ||
Got into like a DUI. Oh yeah. | ||
I had a podcast recently. | ||
Did you really? | ||
Yeah. | ||
He got a DUI and I remember in like an accident and I remember he was driving a Saturn and I was like, come on show business. | ||
Wow. | ||
Couldn't do better than give that fucking kid a Saturn. | ||
He grew up really good. | ||
Like his parents and him are really close and stuff like that. | ||
Now he's like does jujitsu. | ||
He's been doing jujitsu since he was a kid. | ||
Okay. | ||
Wait, which kid is this again? | ||
Jonathan... | ||
I want to say Lipnicki. | ||
unidentified
|
Lipnicki. | |
Is that who that is? | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
That's Hefron's buddy. | ||
Yeah, we had him on... | ||
He strangles Hefron. | ||
They do jiu-jitsu together and he kicks his ass. | ||
Apparently he's good. | ||
He's a real cool guy. | ||
Real nice guy. | ||
Really well brought up. | ||
Listen, some guys get through it. | ||
We had Ricky Schroeder on here. | ||
Remember how nice he was? | ||
He's almost like Evangelical. | ||
He's almost like Born Again. | ||
He was for a little bit, but he's kind of mellowed off that now. | ||
They were pretty hardcore. | ||
Well, it's his business, whatever. | ||
But he's a super nice guy. | ||
And somehow or another, he made it through. | ||
He made it through as a fucking... | ||
He had a weird way of describing it when he was on the podcast. | ||
He said he has never not been famous. | ||
He goes, it's all I've ever known. | ||
He goes, it's weird and everything, but it's all I've ever known. | ||
He goes, I've had some ups and downs in trying to figure out how to deal with it, but that's his whole life. | ||
Yeah, I guess so. | ||
Fuck, that's nuts. | ||
That was a really fascinating conversation. | ||
Being famous, do you compare it to not being famous very much anymore? | ||
Meaning, do you go once a day, do you go, fuck, I wish I could just, I wish it were 1990. I wish I had the identity of 1990. No, you know how I look at it? | ||
It's just a bunch of people being nice, for the most part. | ||
It's like, what are you putting out there? | ||
I have opinions about things, and I joke around about things. | ||
The last bad energy that I got was when I was making fun of some dude in the Country Music Awards. | ||
But Homeboy was standing in front of a jet, playing a country music song with jeans that had cut rips on them, on purpose, all over them. | ||
And I was like, come on, that's fucking ridiculous. | ||
You were chitting on them on Twitter? | ||
I couldn't stop goofing on them, yeah, and goofing on those jeans. | ||
And then I was even admitting that I wear a fanny pack and I have a wallet chain, and I'm still goofing on that. | ||
Like, that's how stupid those fucking jeans were. | ||
Like, one day we're going to look back on those jeans. | ||
This is country music, man. | ||
Country music is supposed to be Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash, and that's like real country music. | ||
This is like, that's not real country. | ||
You're standing in front of a jet! | ||
Yeah. | ||
The fuck are you doing in front of a jet? | ||
What are you doing? | ||
Like, in a hangar? | ||
Like, he's playing overseas. | ||
Like, I'm here for... | ||
This is, like, overseas with the boys. | ||
I'm gonna get in front of the jet. | ||
I support troops. | ||
Oh, he's playing in front of, like, an F-15 or something? | ||
Yeah, exactly. | ||
And it's like, what? | ||
What are you doing there? | ||
unidentified
|
He's in the danger. | |
I don't know if the whole show was in front of a jet. | ||
They might have done the whole Country Music Awards in front of a jet, which would have been awesome. | ||
I don't know if the sets changed. | ||
I really have no idea. | ||
I only watched it for a little bit, but I made a joke that Country Music Awards hates black people so much they won't even use black microphones because there was a red microphone. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
When was the last time you saw a red microphone? | ||
Well, yeah, that is funny, because I will shit on stuff online, and I'm like, well, am I... Like, we're comics, but then at a certain point, it's like, when do you go? | ||
I don't want to make fun of that. | ||
Or, I don't know. | ||
It's hard, man, because I always wanted to say what's funny and what I would say amongst my friends who wouldn't judge me. | ||
Like, we could all be talking... | ||
Like, perfect example, Amy Schumer. | ||
When Amy Schumer was on yesterday and we were talking to her, we were joking around about her mother possibly being a cunt. | ||
And I'm like, how often do you, you know, you can just always go there when you're with a bunch of comics and you're all just sitting around. | ||
Shit on each other. | ||
You could always go to some terrible place. | ||
We don't really think you mean it. | ||
We're not going to call you on it. | ||
We know you're just trying to be funny by saying something fucked up. | ||
We talked about the N-word last time, but I was thinking about how comics... | ||
I was thinking today how my brother Kevin, comedian Kevin Brennan, and Attell, when I was in high school, had a joke where... | ||
If they would like be on the phone and they go like, hey, what's the weather like? | ||
And it'd be like, it's raining. | ||
And they'd be like, fucking diggers. | ||
Like somehow the black people control the weather, which is so stupid and hilarious. | ||
Right. | ||
Hilarious because they didn't mean it. | ||
No, of course you don't mean it. | ||
And also the idea, you're making fun of the idea that most people just don't. | ||
Get ironed. | ||
They just don't get ironed. | ||
They're not able to look at life with layers. | ||
Right. | ||
And they can't see that at the bottom of it, it's supposed to be about intent. | ||
And this is not just about white guys that are throwing... | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
Or you'll just go like, what a cunt. | ||
Yeah, you gotta know when someone is joking, when it's obvious. | ||
I mean, some people will say things in a crowd, and you'll be the only one that laughs, and there'll be like eight or nine people that are really pissed off. | ||
Come on, the guy, he's right, he said something silly. | ||
Like Gilbert with the Geico ads and all the Gilbert's jokes about the tsunami were fucking hilarious. | ||
As he was following, I was watching them in real time going like, boy, these are fucking funny jokes. | ||
And then he got in trouble. | ||
Oh, well, he went too quick. | ||
Way too quick. | ||
You can't even say too quick. | ||
You couldn't even do that now. | ||
You can't do tsunami jokes now. | ||
You couldn't do it now because people don't remember it. | ||
Did you hear about the Florida Marlins guy who got suspended for five days? | ||
I'm so mad about that. | ||
It's so ridiculous. | ||
Because I actually tweeted yesterday, like, shouldn't he be protected by the First Amendment? | ||
Tell people the story. | ||
The story was, he said that... | ||
First of all, everything he says is fucking batshit crazy. | ||
He's got one of the funniest Twitter feeds ever. | ||
What is his Twitter? | ||
Ozzy Guillen. | ||
How do you spell that? | ||
O-Z-Z-I-E-G-U-I-L-L-E-N. But go back like two months. | ||
Because he'd just go like, hey, just some... | ||
G-L what? | ||
G-U-I-L-L-E-N. Anyway, he said something in an interview where... | ||
And he's great because he just won't apologize for shit. | ||
So he said something in an interview in Time Magazine, in Espanol, that he admired Castro. | ||
Now, what he was saying was he admired him because the guy... | ||
I admire Castro in certain respects. | ||
The fact that Castro has outlasted this many people as a comic, I'm like, that's fucking hilarious. | ||
Like, the entire world is against this guy. | ||
And he's like, no, you can send me exploding cigars. | ||
Nope. | ||
You can fucking... | ||
I mean, he's tyrannical. | ||
He's a dickhead. | ||
But the fact that I respect his endurance... | ||
A guy that can last 60 years. | ||
He even said he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
That's the words he used. | ||
He said he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
Joey Diaz will say the same shit. | ||
Joey Diaz was born in Cuba. | ||
He'll tell you, Castro's a bad motherfucker. | ||
He's still running shit down there. | ||
It's like when Bill Maher said that he got suspended five games, the coach of a baseball team, for saying that Castro was great. | ||
Was a bad motherfucker. | ||
Because he was saying that he's been in power for so many years and people have tried to remove him. | ||
He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
That's all he said. | ||
He didn't say he's doing wonderful things and he's misunderstood. | ||
He's a humanitarian. | ||
And I agree with his political strategy. | ||
No. | ||
He just said he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
You're telling me that a guy who's in professional sports can't call a guy who's a dictator for... | ||
How long has he been a dictator? | ||
60 years? | ||
You can't call that guy a bad motherfucker Can you call Genghis Kong a bad motherfucker You can right That wouldn't be a problem at all You know why Genghis Kong is dead And none of his victims are alive And also there's not a huge Chinese contingent of Marlon fans That's the biggest problem That's the biggest problem, is that most of the fans of the Marlins are Cuban expats. | ||
Or not most, but a lot of the... | ||
And they would agree with him. | ||
What he said wasn't out of line. | ||
He wasn't in support of Castro. | ||
He was acknowledging that this guy... | ||
Look, when people talk about Al Capone, they don't speak in glowing terms. | ||
But they go, dude, the Al Capone stories of Chicago are pretty legendary. | ||
Al Capone was a bad motherfucker. | ||
He was obviously an evil person. | ||
Happy he's dead, all that good stuff. | ||
Well, yeah, that's the thing. | ||
It's like, people like Michael Corleone. | ||
Yeah, what the fuck? | ||
But yeah, they like story... | ||
They like theoretically... | ||
Tony Soprano is great. | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
I love Tony. | |
But they don't like... | ||
But that's the thing that I think is interesting is how far... | ||
Darth Vader. | ||
He even killed Ewoks by people who think he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
Yeah, right? | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
King Kong stepped on people. | ||
He's a charming... | ||
He's an anti-hero. | ||
unidentified
|
Fucking... | |
You want him to be the greatest anti-hero of all time? | ||
Hannibal Lecter. | ||
Fucking eight people. | ||
Right. | ||
At the end of fucking... | ||
Having an old friend at dinner and you're... | ||
I'm having an old friend for dinner and you're like... | ||
You fucking right you're going to have an old friend for dinner. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, we're excited. | |
That is my motherfucker right there. | ||
Excited. | ||
Spider-Man. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That fucking awful... | ||
But the question is how... | ||
So that speech is not protected. | ||
Because I actually Twittered, like, is he not protected by the First Amendment? | ||
And they were like, no, it only protects you from... | ||
Because I said, if you criticize Castro in Cuba, you get punished. | ||
And if you compliment him in America, you get punished. | ||
Which is like, so that's freedom, kind of. | ||
And people were saying, well, his First Amendment right, it's protected. | ||
The government, he can't get arrested for it. | ||
But if you sign a contract, your company can... | ||
Say whatever they want. | ||
But it's odd, because like... | ||
But if you got transgender surgery, they couldn't fire you. | ||
Or suspend you. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
Like, there's shit that you can do that's protected. | ||
If you say... | ||
Transgender surgery? | ||
unidentified
|
Whatever. | |
If you did something crazy... | ||
I think there's like... | ||
Certain things are legal. | ||
Certain things are protected. | ||
If you went to like a... | ||
If someone marched against Occupy Wall Street, for instance, they could get fired, I guess? | ||
By this logic, it's like if you say I like Castro, and then if you say I want to occupy Wall Street, you could get fired and there's nothing you can do about it, which just kind of feels odd to me. | ||
Well, he didn't get fired. | ||
He got suspended for five years. | ||
But without pay, I'm assuming. | ||
Yeah, I think the idea is that he obviously has an enormous voice as opposed to a regular guy with a regular job, and that what he's saying is influential, and that they can't show support of it because it's, you know, it's... | ||
Right, but what's the difference between that and LeBron and those guys putting their hood up and releasing that picture? | ||
I think there's a big difference. | ||
But what is it? | ||
Because I don't know what the difference is. | ||
Well, I mean, one is in resistance to what they think is an injustice that was committed by a guy who's a bit sketchy. | ||
Right. | ||
And they want to make sure that someone's brought to justice. | ||
And the other one is a guy expressing his... | ||
unidentified
|
Beliefs that a dictator is pretty wild. | |
I don't understand that connection at all. | ||
I admire one aspect of that guy's personality, is what they're saying. | ||
They're just giving him his props. | ||
I don't even think they're admiring him. | ||
I'm saying Guillen is saying, I admire the part of him that has lasted this long. | ||
That's the bad motherfucker part. | ||
He's a pimp, he's a Don, he's whatever. | ||
Managed to stay in control as a dictator so long. | ||
It's amazing how long, when you hear about Kim Il-yong, whatever his name was, Kim Jong-il, the guy who died. | ||
And you think about how long that guy and what kind of damage that guy and his fucking regime has done to that poor country. | ||
You're like, wow, it's amazing what someone can do. | ||
That actually can, you know, you watch Game of Thrones? | ||
You ever watch that? | ||
I haven't watched it. | ||
When you think about the idea of kings, you know, it's amazing that someone still to this day can rock it king style. | ||
You know, but there are guys like Castro's rocking it king style. | ||
You can call him whatever you want. | ||
That's the goddamn king of Cuba. | ||
You know, you look at Kim Jong-il. | ||
That's the goddamn king of North Korea. | ||
I don't care what you want to call him. | ||
President, El Wonderful, El Greatness, the Honorable, whatever you want to call him. | ||
Okay, I guess my question to the LeBron thing is... | ||
It's an alpha male. | ||
I get that, but I'm saying, at what point would LeBron and the Heat get... | ||
Where does it cross the line to, like, we can suspend you? | ||
Why would that ever make them be suspended ever? | ||
What if they said, I respect Castro? | ||
They didn't even say anything. | ||
No, but I'm saying... | ||
You're just taking a photo. | ||
No, but I'm saying how far... | ||
At what point does it become objectionable if you say you like... | ||
Hitler. | ||
A dictator. | ||
Hitler, of course, is the obvious. | ||
Everybody, that's the... | ||
When you like a dictator or you stand in support of... | ||
A kid that was wearing his hood. | ||
I'm not making a false equivalency. | ||
I'm just wondering, where does one become objectionable if he had said, I kind of like Castro? | ||
I think there's so many people that are in support of the Trayvon Martin, what's his name? | ||
Trayvon Martin, yeah. | ||
Yeah, Trayvon Martin and this George Zimmerman character that they just arrested today. | ||
There's so many people in support of an investigation into that. | ||
And there's so many people that felt like injustice had occurred and that that kid had gotten killed and it could have all been avoided. | ||
There were so many people. | ||
It becomes the court of public opinion. | ||
Right, but that's the thing. | ||
It's almost the court of public opinion. | ||
We almost live in a snitchocracy where it's like, ha! | ||
The guy released a Kino video and then we're like, literally, you can almost feel people's pleasure when that guy was jerking off on the sidewalk. | ||
We're like, fucking, we got another one. | ||
We fucking, we fucked you up so badly with just scrutiny. | ||
I feel like the light has never been the hotter. | ||
Right. | ||
Like, the cultural spotlight of, like... | ||
Yes. | ||
And it becomes low-hanging fruit to make fun of this guy, the Coney guy. | ||
Right. | ||
unidentified
|
Of, like, fucking, you didn't have your fucking facts straight, and Coney should have done this four years ago. | |
Okay. | ||
Yes, but... | ||
If you even have it in you somewhere that you might get to a point where you're running around naked, jerking off in the street, acting gay as fuck, I'd like to see that, please. | ||
Okay? | ||
And I'm happy when some pressure cooker situation outs some fucking crazy bitch. | ||
Because that's what that guy is. | ||
Because you can do that to me all day long. | ||
Unless you're dosing me up. | ||
I'm not running through the streets jerking off naked. | ||
That's never come up. | ||
There's never been a day where that's even been a concern. | ||
I agree, but do you think it's good? | ||
Do you think it's like cultural vetting? | ||
That is, most certainly, he failed. | ||
He failed Life's Intelligence Test, 100%. | ||
He failed in several factors. | ||
He failed, first of all, by making this whole campaign, which was not quite informed or wasn't quite accurate with the facts. | ||
Where this guy was at the time and what had been done and what's being done right now. | ||
And then on top of it, there was a huge amount of money that wasn't going to the actual cause. | ||
Some insane amount of money. | ||
And then there was the other dude who was his partner who was joking around about it. | ||
They caught him on video joking around. | ||
There was so many things about it where it just screamed like, a brilliant plan! | ||
They concocted... | ||
A brilliant plan to disguise a money-making venture inside some sort of a charitable organization. | ||
That's what everybody got upset about. | ||
If it's a football field, I'm on the 40-yard line of thinking it was basically good. | ||
Do you know what I mean? | ||
I thought it was more good than bad. | ||
I think it certainly generated money that wouldn't have been generated without it towards that cause. | ||
It goes to where do you think it should be. | ||
Should it be a regulation thing or should it be just a court of public opinion? | ||
I don't want to compare these two because they're two very different things, but in a sense it's the same. | ||
Louis C.K. released a comedy special online for five bucks. | ||
Now, that means that no one can release a comedy special for $20. | ||
You can't do it online. | ||
Because Louis C.K., who is widely recognized as one of the very best, if not the best stand-up working today, he said $5 for his shit. | ||
So that means it's $5 for your shit. | ||
And I think that's a good way to establish it. | ||
I think that's a good way. | ||
This is your way of saying that you're going to start charging for the Joe Rogan podcast. | ||
No, I'm saying the court of public opinion with this guy looked at it and said, okay, we think it's a good cause to shine the light on someone who definitely did some terrible shit, so there's a lot of good in what you did, but why are you making so much money off that? | ||
That's what the court of public opinion is saying about this guy. | ||
And that's where the scrutiny cracked him, and that's when he ran out naked. | ||
I would venture that no one really gave a fuck about the kids to begin with. | ||
It was like a nice story to just go, yeah, but meanwhile there's homeless fucking kids outside my window. | ||
And I'm like, hey, look at them. | ||
You should move. | ||
They were invisible kids anyway. | ||
Yeah, I think no one really cared. | ||
I don't think anyone really cared about the plight of the kids. | ||
Really? | ||
I think it's like a story that you go, hey, did you hear this story? | ||
And then you get engaged. | ||
So I think that people never really cared. | ||
And then I also think... | ||
People never really cared that he was making money. | ||
I think there was a fringe of people that truly care about kids' rights and African issues and shit like that. | ||
And there's a sliver of people that care about transparency in fundraising operations. | ||
And then everybody else is just like, where are we going now? | ||
Fuck him! | ||
Fuck this guy! | ||
I honestly think that this is what happens. | ||
People care, but they have their own life to deal with. | ||
And that's where it really comes in. | ||
There's a lot of people that, yeah, I care about Africa. | ||
Of course I do. | ||
When I look at this idea that you see these children living in fucking dirt huts and they have no water. | ||
Oh, most of the world is in awful shit. | ||
It's terrible, of course. | ||
A third of the world, straight up. | ||
Anthony Bourdain did some show on Mozambique, and he was traveling through Mozambique, and I'm watching the show, and I'm like, this is crazy, man. | ||
They have no running water. | ||
They have no electricity. | ||
They have no nothing. | ||
They have these grass shacks. | ||
I mean, they're essentially living not much differently than people lived thousands and thousands and thousands of years ago. | ||
And they're getting by. | ||
I mean, they're having kids, and they're getting enough food to eat, and they're keeping the whole process going. | ||
But you're like, wow. | ||
Wow. | ||
That's amazing that in 2012, that's going on. | ||
I do care. | ||
But then you also have your own fucking life. | ||
Oh, you care! | ||
But it's like, what can I... It's such a massive problem. | ||
I feel like every... | ||
I'm sorry. | ||
I feel like everybody... | ||
I play footsies with Brian. | ||
I feel like everyone has something that they're compelled to do in this life. | ||
And I think that some people are compelled to charity. | ||
And I think those people should do charity. | ||
You know, I don't... | ||
I don't think it's a selfish thing to pursue your own goals entirely, and to only try to be around and experience the things that you're actually enjoying in this life. | ||
I think there's people that are not compelled to do that, and they should be allowed to do that. | ||
They should be allowed to pursue charities, and I think you should donate money, and I do. | ||
But I can't get involved to the point where it eats my life up. | ||
Because I think it would. | ||
It would easily. | ||
I could easily get my life eaten up by trying to help kids. | ||
If you helped a bunch of kids and you saw them get over something, certain illnesses, famine, whatever. | ||
If you actually were there and experienced it with them and then became friends with them and had some sort of relationship with those kids, Jesus Christ, it would completely consume your life. | ||
He'd be like, I gotta help Africa. | ||
Well, that's what the Jason, what's his name, that's what apparently the deal was. | ||
Yeah, if you loved them, if they became like your little brothers and sisters. | ||
And Clooney is like that with Sudan. | ||
Of course, of course. | ||
I mean, the real issue is we need to get our own fucking politicians to do that. | ||
What about, what do you make of the pressure cooker, though? | ||
What do you make of the thing, like, until, like, when Zimmerman was gone, I thought, oh, he's gonna kill himself. | ||
I'm surprised Jerry Sandusky hasn't killed himself. | ||
Jerry Sandusky's a horrible person. | ||
Oh, he's a complete scumbag. | ||
These are bad examples. | ||
I think people that just get torn like celebrities that get TMZ'd to the point where they just attack camera people, and you see them, they just can't take it anymore. | ||
And I don't consider it vetting. | ||
I just consider it, it's like... | ||
The cultural metabolism is so out of control. | ||
Yeah, I think there's certainly that. | ||
I think people are also so angry. | ||
They're looking for an enemy. | ||
People are so angry at the economy. | ||
There's something like 40% of all kids that live between 18 and I think 34, they're living with their parents. | ||
Children in their 30s, they're living with their parents. | ||
40%. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Sounds like heaven. | ||
That seems like heaven. | ||
Brian's like, let me nap and make me cereal. | ||
Mom, are you listening? | ||
I'm playing my house. | ||
unidentified
|
I just want to take my dog for walks. | |
Silly. | ||
You live in America. | ||
You lucky bitch. | ||
Mozambique. | ||
Go watch it. | ||
Watch it. | ||
You won't be such a whiny bitch. | ||
Well, you're lucky. | ||
High speed internet. | ||
You're lucky because you got that shit. | ||
As a grown adult, dusting and cleaning the toilet. | ||
Mozambique, dude. | ||
Watch the episode. | ||
It'll be good for you. | ||
Mose on Beak. | ||
Watch the Anthony Bourdain show that we were just talking about. | ||
The guy that wears the thumb ring? | ||
He used to. | ||
He tweeted about it. | ||
I tweeted him. | ||
Bourdain wore a thumb ring? | ||
I said that he was the only guy that I've ever met with a thumb ring that I didn't want to strangle. | ||
But he said I got rid of that shit a long time ago. | ||
And he wrote age limit for that shit in the hashtag. | ||
Yeah, but doesn't he also have one of those tribal things around his belly button? | ||
Or is that somebody else? | ||
No, he doesn't have a thing around his belly button. | ||
He might. | ||
He's got a snake. | ||
Him and his wife both have a snake on their arm. | ||
It might be him. | ||
There's something about doing a tattoo around your belly button that makes me go, hmm. | ||
And have one of those dangly piercings, the little dangling ones. | ||
Men with a dangly one? | ||
Has any guy ever pulled that off? | ||
No, but it'd be awesome. | ||
Okay, here's my question. | ||
Please. | ||
The question is, a guy like Ozzy Guillen, I think it's bad that he gets fined. | ||
I think it's ultimately bad for the country. | ||
I just wish people could... | ||
It's people... | ||
Are not corporate fucking spokespeople. | ||
Do you know what I mean? | ||
And that's the thing is everyone's become that. | ||
We talked about the Tracy thing last time. | ||
And everyone's just in a constant state of... | ||
Anytime you tweet something, there's like, how the fuck can you say that? | ||
And it's like... | ||
Yeah, well, we were... | ||
And you strike me as the kind of guy that's never going to apologize for anything you say, I don't think. | ||
Well, you know, I'll let people know what my intentions are. | ||
I'm not going to apologize. | ||
But if I, like, I, you know, I wasn't going to apologize to the people that were mad that I said the guy was a silly bitch for wearing ripped jeans. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Fake ripped jeans. | ||
That's some silly bitch shit. | ||
That's just what it is. | ||
And what was their case? | ||
They're mad at me. | ||
unidentified
|
For what? | |
I guess your career is in the toilet. | ||
You need to get attention this way. | ||
There's a lot of that. | ||
There's a lot of they want to point out how your career is in this shit. | ||
Meanwhile, I got more Twitter friends than him. | ||
unidentified
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Bitch! | |
How about that? | ||
Just call Joe fat. | ||
That works the best. | ||
Yeah, fat is a good one. | ||
We were at the comedy store one night and some chick was on camera. | ||
We caught it on camera. | ||
Some chick wouldn't stop calling me fat. | ||
What are you talking about? | ||
Six pack, he pulls up his shirt. | ||
That hurts though because you think about... | ||
Chappelle used to call me fat boy. | ||
Jokingly? | ||
That's preposterous. | ||
No, I know, but it was... | ||
Next to him, I technically was, had fat. | ||
Oh, because he was very lean. | ||
And it gets you a little crazy. | ||
Fat is a big one for me. | ||
Well, this was a girl that was trying to make me feel bad. | ||
I was like, this doesn't even make sense. | ||
You owned her so hard. | ||
It was hilarious. | ||
It was like a scene in a movie, but it was a douchey movie. | ||
You were the villain? | ||
You're not supposed to pull out your six-pack. | ||
There's something about showing someone your abs. | ||
Did she stand down or no? | ||
She got rocked. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, turned into Jell-O. What did she say? | |
The kid's shredded. | ||
You're so fat! | ||
What did she say? | ||
Yeah, but do you want... | ||
I just don't want people to turn into... | ||
Not everyone's running for office. | ||
Just put out good shit, man. | ||
I agree. | ||
unidentified
|
No, I agree, but then if you want to make fun of a guy's pants... | |
Yeah, but I was saying that's the only bad thing that I ever get back. | ||
I get that. | ||
Most of the time, it's all positive. | ||
You put out good shit, and you get good shit back. | ||
You put out good energy. | ||
You get it back. | ||
That's real. | ||
I just think it's like... | ||
He's going to be retards. | ||
I mean, he got fired 10 years ago. | ||
Who? | ||
Bill Maher. | ||
Bill Maher? | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
And even the Rush Limbaugh thing. | ||
Like, Rush Limbaugh's a piece of shit, as far as I'm concerned. | ||
So I just don't listen to him. | ||
And losing advertisers, I guess it's just... | ||
If you don't know the Rush Limbaugh story, there was a girl who was trying to get the government, state, whoever the fuck pays that insurance that she was getting. | ||
It was Georgetown University. | ||
Okay. | ||
She wanted them to pay for her birth control. | ||
Right. | ||
As part of her health care. | ||
As part of her health care. | ||
And Rush Limbaugh had argued that if our tax dollars were going to go to it, then we should be able to watch you have sex. | ||
unidentified
|
If you have so much sex, then we should be able to watch. | |
Basically, she's a prostitute. | ||
You're having sex for money. | ||
Doesn't he do bath salts? | ||
He's a big drug guy, right? | ||
He was doing mad oxys to the point where he went deaf. | ||
Alex Jones described me the process of Oxycontin overdose that actually makes guys go deaf. | ||
Do you remember when Rush went deaf? | ||
No. | ||
I mean, I remember when he was big into Oxy. | ||
He went deaf. | ||
He went to the point where his show suffered because he couldn't hear what people were saying to him sometimes. | ||
And he couldn't understand it. | ||
He couldn't hear his own voice. | ||
So it didn't sound right. | ||
It sounded off. | ||
And it went for a long time before he got an operation. | ||
And then he got it fixed. | ||
And they did something. | ||
I think they gave him an inner ear plant. | ||
I think he's got an implant. | ||
unidentified
|
God, that's awesome. | |
Just from Oxy. | ||
He's going deep, son! | ||
That's great. | ||
They said he was up to over 90 a day. | ||
God damn it. | ||
Oh my goodness! | ||
Oh my goodness! | ||
unidentified
|
90 fucking pills a day homeboy was cranking. | |
I wish I had that sort of... | ||
He was getting all kinds of different doctors to hook him up. | ||
It gets me. | ||
It gets me. | ||
Have you done shit like that? | ||
No, no, no, no. | ||
I'm sure it would get you, though. | ||
I have no doubt in my mind that OxyContin would get me. | ||
I think they'd get everybody. | ||
I mean, I think I would be strong and I would get off them, but I definitely think that if I was hanging around with a bottle of them and a swollen foot, and I took one, and also I'm like, oh, this is awesome. | ||
And then you get hooked really quick. | ||
No one has anything really bad to say about it other than the addiction. | ||
Experience? | ||
Yeah. | ||
I've heard someone say it made them really nauseous, but that's what heroin does to a lot of people. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
It makes them really nauseous. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's the only thing. | ||
But they say it feels amazing. | ||
Mm-hmm. | ||
I feel like I get hooked on Coke or Speed. | ||
I've never even tried Coke or Speed. | ||
I've barely seen it. | ||
I've maybe seen it a dozen times. | ||
I just remembered, dude. | ||
I had a crazy-ass dream about you, buddy. | ||
That's not real Coke, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
It's powdered sugar. | ||
We didn't have sugar for coffee. | ||
I had powdered sugar, which doesn't really work. | ||
It never goes down. | ||
Yeah, it's funky. | ||
I had a fucked-up dream about you, dude. | ||
Sweet. | ||
What is it? | ||
You were doing marijuana mixed with meth. | ||
And you were telling me that it's the latest thing these kids do. | ||
They smoke marijuana and meth together. | ||
I was like, what are you talking about? | ||
And you were like, well, I would never smoke meth by itself. | ||
Mead, yeah. | ||
You were like, I would never smoke meth by itself. | ||
But when I mix them together, dude, it's amazing. | ||
And I was like trying to get you to stop smoking meth. | ||
Wow. | ||
You were hooked on meth. | ||
Would you say mead? | ||
Mead, yeah. | ||
Is that what it would be called? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Did you just make that up? | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
Yeah, I did. | ||
Yeah, but I mean that might actually be what it is. | ||
Could you imagine if I started something? | ||
I don't think meth would completely overpower it. | ||
I would imagine. | ||
Wouldn't it be funny, though, if somehow or another marijuana became a white knight in your brain fighting off the meth consciousness and you see a fucking virtual battle of the positive and negative substances duking it out in your head? | ||
Because if you take meth with mushrooms, how does that work? | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
You know what's funny is I had an ex that did, she was a meth addict before we dated, and she's like, all that stuff about, all that stuff, she's like, my teeth weren't, my teeth were great. | ||
She goes, my skin never looked better. | ||
Wow. | ||
Like it wasn't bad. | ||
Well, she hadn't gotten that deep yet. | ||
It takes a while before your body turns into a fucking prune. | ||
It takes a while. | ||
Some people don't. | ||
Some people just fucking turn and it's like, that'll do it. | ||
Was she a functional meth head? | ||
unidentified
|
Vague. | |
I didn't know her. | ||
I think vague. | ||
Not especially. | ||
Here's an irony. | ||
She lived... | ||
You know how you always hear about Indians living off of casinos? | ||
She lived off of a casino. | ||
Wow. | ||
She was Native American, Seminole. | ||
She lives off the hard rock in... | ||
In the one that Anna Nicole died in. | ||
Holy shit. | ||
The one in Fort Lauderdale. | ||
Did you ever play, like, cowboy and Indian with her? | ||
We would get in some pretty... | ||
Pretend that she... | ||
I conquered her land. | ||
I actually... | ||
I moved into her place. | ||
Did you? | ||
Gave her a blanket with smallpox on it. | ||
Nice. | ||
No, we never... | ||
It was actually a good relationship. | ||
We were in love, Joe. | ||
What happened? | ||
She started going to... | ||
Black clubs? | ||
unidentified
|
Going to... | |
She started going to... | ||
She started getting her master's in psychiatry. | ||
She started getting her master's in psychology, and at the beginning of the class, the teacher was like, yo, just so you know, none of your relationships are going to last. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
And she said that, and she was like, somebody else broke up today. | ||
Somebody else broke up today. | ||
And then slowly but surely, it was like six months in, we were kind of done. | ||
unidentified
|
Why? | |
Because she was just uncovering stuff about herself, and like, I didn't, you know, she liked women, she hates men, like, just stuff that was like, oh. | ||
She likes women and she hates men. | ||
She wanted to date women. | ||
Oh, shit. | ||
By herself. | ||
Because I asked if we could do it together. | ||
Bam! | ||
Yeah, she wanted to date women, and she's like, I fucking hate men. | ||
Aww. | ||
No, it's dumb. | ||
All of us? | ||
All of us? | ||
For now. | ||
That's a mess. | ||
Anybody who says they hate women's a cunt. | ||
If you're a guy and you're like, oh, I hate women. | ||
I hate women. | ||
Well, get the fuck away from me, you crazy bitch. | ||
You hate everyone of a certain gender? | ||
Well, guess what? | ||
Same thing if you hate men. | ||
Go fuck yourself, you dumb bitch. | ||
You think I asked to be born a man? | ||
Just relax. | ||
unidentified
|
You would have. | |
Not everyone's an ass. | ||
You would have been asked. | ||
For sure. | ||
Being a man's way better. | ||
Especially being a manly man. | ||
Yeah, I mean, to be a real Joe Rogan type man. | ||
But you can't get mad at someone for their gender, you silly asshole. | ||
That's interesting. | ||
And it's accepted. | ||
unidentified
|
Women are allowed to say the case. | |
Oh, dude, I've had conversations with women before that have said, you know, men this and men that. | ||
And I'm like, God damn, can you give me a chance? | ||
I'm a person. | ||
Everyone's just a person. | ||
You're throwing me into half the planet. | ||
It's just so ridiculous. | ||
And to say that you've got to figure it out. | ||
She didn't mean she hates all men everywhere. | ||
I have deep-seated mistrust of men in an intimate relationship. | ||
Meaning I haven't had any positive... | ||
She hadn't had any positive male deep relationships. | ||
Well, you know, how fucking old was she? | ||
How many people had she been around? | ||
47 years young. | ||
No, she was, I don't know. | ||
Even if she was 47 years old? | ||
No, she's 26. She could have been stuck in some stupid spots. | ||
She was in a lot of bad spots. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Therapy's pretty fucked up anyway. | ||
This girl I did it in college, same thing. | ||
She was a fucking mess, like alcoholic, just crazy, always getting in fights with her family and all these other people. | ||
And then she went to the therapist and every time she would come back, she goes like, therapist tells me we need to break up, that you're just a really bad person. | ||
And I'm like, what? | ||
He's probably full of shit. | ||
He probably tells a really distorted person. | ||
That's not using therapy the right way. | ||
Stupid asshole. | ||
Or you're a bad person. | ||
You could live a thousand lives as a man and still not understand what it would be to live a life of a woman. | ||
You don't understand it. | ||
You're not a woman. | ||
And as soon as a guy understands that and accepts that, he'll be way happier. | ||
When you try to make a woman think like a man, that shit is impossible. | ||
The same as a man trying to think like a woman. | ||
And I think both are guilty. | ||
I actually think women are slightly more guilty of trying to get men to think like women. | ||
Yes. | ||
Well, if they have pussy and there's more power in that. | ||
Yeah, they can just go like, you need to change the way... | ||
If a guy does that, he's like a dick. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And whenever a guy is in a good relationship that I admire... | ||
The girls' friends hate him. | ||
Right. | ||
Because he's such a fucking asshole. | ||
He's happy. | ||
And he gets to do what he wants. | ||
And it's like, yeah, that's... | ||
I used to say to girls, you're making me feel like a guest in my own life. | ||
And that would get them. | ||
Where they were like, I understand what you mean now. | ||
Because it was like, yo, I wasn't looking for a coach. | ||
I wasn't looking for someone. | ||
I need someone to come in and fucking change my taste. | ||
And change my interest. | ||
And change my wardrobe and my diet. | ||
But they do, I think, some women think that that's a way to go. | ||
Well, I think there's also a struggle for power. | ||
That goes on with people and relationships. | ||
Everyone thinks they should be the one that decides where we go and what to do. | ||
And some people take that shit more serious than others. | ||
And some people are just not very intelligent or emotionally developed. | ||
And so they run on crude tracks. | ||
And they just fucking bang into each other every time they have a relationship. | ||
Cars just slam into each other and they argue about shit. | ||
And then they make up. | ||
And that's how those stupid fucks live their life. | ||
I think there's a lot of that. | ||
What percentage of people do you think are stupid? | ||
It's a giant number. | ||
Because I'm in it. | ||
I'm in it. | ||
I mean, I always... | ||
Look, I had a whole bit that I used to do about how people like to think they're smart. | ||
But really, we're just buying shit from smart people and memorizing shit that smart people have never figured out. | ||
This is a gigantic body of knowledge. | ||
And anybody who thinks they're smart is dumb as fuck. | ||
Well, that's what I was... | ||
I had this argument the other day about, don't you want to live forever? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
To learn everything? | ||
I do. | ||
Who knows? | ||
You say that, but what if after this is way better? | ||
There is no after this. | ||
You don't know that. | ||
I don't. | ||
You're talking nonsense. | ||
I get a feeling. | ||
You're talking complete nonsense. | ||
I get a sense. | ||
Would you sense based on what? | ||
There was nothing. | ||
It's going back to where I was, which is before 73. I don't think any of it ends. | ||
I think it changes. | ||
I think it all becomes something completely different and energy never dies off. | ||
It just moves on to another state. | ||
And I think that the whole cycle of the universe, we want to think of it as like there was a birth to the universe and there's going to be an end to the universe. | ||
That's why they think of the Big Bang. | ||
Oh, there was at one point in time, it was smaller than the head of a pin, and there was a giant burst. | ||
I think it's never-ending. | ||
And I think that our ideas of it are all based on our own biological limitations. | ||
And I think the biological life... | ||
It's a trip. | ||
It's an experience. | ||
I think the biological life doesn't necessarily represent what is possible in reality. | ||
And I think it's one stage of existence. | ||
And I think we've probably had other stages of existence. | ||
I think our real true consciousness, it gets wrapped around language and it gets wrapped around culture and it gets wrapped around personal experiences and how they interpret them and how they Remember shit that other people have figured out and written down. | ||
But at the end and the root of that, that could take place in a hundred thousand million different forms. | ||
It doesn't have to exist as a human animal making noise with your mouth. | ||
That consciousness could exist in other dimensions. | ||
That consciousness, whatever the fuck it is that's at the underlying... | ||
The underlying energy that makes the body move in certain directions and choose to manipulate objects, whatever the fuck that is, at the root of all that, could exist as a dolphin, could exist as a killer whale, could exist as some really smart octopus. | ||
Who the fuck knows? | ||
I think, for sure, what we are right now is an evolving species. | ||
It's changing. | ||
It's becoming something different. | ||
Look, man, I hope you're right. | ||
Like, I hope, because I am going to die. | ||
Yes. | ||
I just hope there's an afterthought. | ||
I think we're becoming something different, and along the way, I think, whatever the fuck it is that the human race is going to eventually evolve into, I think... | ||
I think we're on some sort of a crazy cycle. | ||
That's what I think. | ||
I think we're on some sort of an infinite loop cycle. | ||
And I think our limited interpretation of people dropping off the face of the earth and disappearing and leaving our lives leads us to believe that this is it. | ||
This is this one thing and this is it. | ||
You breathe and one day your heart will stop beating and then it ends. | ||
Maybe. | ||
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
Maybe not. | ||
Maybe you're a fucking caterpillar that's going to become a butterfly. | ||
Maybe you're some weird fucking animal that travels dimension to dimension in completely different forms. | ||
We've seen that happen in physical state in life. | ||
We've seen... | ||
Caterpillars and salamanders and all these fucking different things become a completely different thing. | ||
We've seen them physically metamorph and change. | ||
Why would we assume that consciousness couldn't do exactly the same thing? | ||
Why wouldn't we assume that reality can't do exactly the same thing? | ||
I think it's super possible that we're some crazy technological caterpillar. | ||
And that we're gonna one day press some fucking button. | ||
I hope you're right. | ||
And all of our experiences of life and death and love and infatuation and fascination and appreciation and all those different things are really just, it's just more motivation for you to keep moving forward and forward and forward to push this technological machine that society runs on. | ||
The real underpinnings, what's really impacting the universe. | ||
It's not People Magazine and Kim Kardashian's ass, but that is there to distract you long enough to keep buying the new droids. | ||
The more technology we create and the more minerals we mine and the more we push the boundaries of what we can do and control in the universe, the more we get closer to whatever the fuck we're becoming. | ||
Completely locked into an addiction with our cell phones and our computers. | ||
If I'm online, if I'm in a hotel and the Internet goes out for an hour? | ||
I fucking panic. | ||
It's hell. | ||
I started doing a joke the other day about how my phone has completely turned me into a dick. | ||
I'm a fucking asshole. | ||
I mean, as far as being rude in conversations? | ||
Just fucking like, fuck you, companion. | ||
I got everyone else in front of me, and I'd rather spend time with them. | ||
I have enough... | ||
Girls' pictures on my phone. | ||
I was telling Red Band that I could publish two months of a magazine. | ||
Girls, like, send you pictures? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Wow. | ||
Because they know you're single? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I mean, it's not just, like, out of nowhere. | ||
It's, like, girls I'm chatting to. | ||
And it's over years. | ||
But I'm saying, like... | ||
Like, I told somebody, if my phone turned up in the 1800s in a town, the town elders would burn the town down. | ||
Because they'd be so freaked out by just the amount of filth on my phone. | ||
And that's the thing. | ||
It's like, you do get hooked. | ||
I wanted to bring up... | ||
I went to the floatation. | ||
I went to float labs. | ||
Did you enjoy it? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Meet Crash? | ||
I did. | ||
Yeah, I met Crash. | ||
Crash is an interesting individual, isn't he? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I went nine days ago. | ||
Yeah? | ||
Yeah, and it was pretty great. | ||
That's what made me... | ||
My epiphany, and I'm sure you don't get epiphanies every time, but my epiphany laying there was like, I need to experience some love, and I've got to get a dog to do that. | ||
Why do you say a dog? | ||
Because I find... | ||
Work your way up to a person? | ||
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
Literally, that's the plan. | ||
Wow. | ||
Is like work my way up. | ||
How fucked up are you? | ||
unidentified
|
Out of 1 to 10. 10 being... | |
10 being like you're unfixable. | ||
Oh, I don't think I'm unfixable. | ||
I think I'm like a 6 1⁄2, 7. 6 1⁄2. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's still strong. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
7 is strong. | ||
Wow. | ||
unidentified
|
I'm going to start my love experiences with dogs... | |
No, it sounds crazy, but I'm only 37, so, you know. | ||
You can still pull it together. | ||
Yeah, it's not too late. | ||
You can still be a come-from-behind champ. | ||
Yeah, exactly. | ||
It's possible. | ||
I've been lapped by life, and I'm going to lap it. | ||
Randy Couture didn't have his first fight until he was 34, so think about that. | ||
Do you want to borrow a Pekingese? | ||
No, but I feel like it could help. | ||
You can totally borrow mine. | ||
Brian's got the most loving dog in the world. | ||
You could try it. | ||
You could borrow it for a little while. | ||
How big is it? | ||
Tiny. | ||
This big? | ||
I don't like those little dogs. | ||
All the shivering. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, it doesn't do that. | |
It doesn't do that. | ||
It's not a freaked out dog. | ||
It's not a freaked out dog. | ||
It's super loving. | ||
It's not scared to you at all. | ||
It's not scared to you at all. | ||
It's super affectionate. | ||
It's not like a dog. | ||
It's like, holy shit, a person's here. | ||
You want to make a documentary about it? | ||
Nobody's mean to this dog. | ||
My love experience? | ||
With the dog? | ||
Go look at her Twitter. | ||
It's Twixie Vixen. | ||
Yeah, it's a sweet dog. | ||
Really one of the nicest dogs on the face of the earth. | ||
But you were never in love. | ||
You weren't in love until you met your wife, right? | ||
I don't really like to talk about that on the air, sir. | ||
Alright, fair enough. | ||
There's been a few loves lost along the way. | ||
Got it. | ||
I don't want to bring up any personal experiences that involve other people that I'm still friends with. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But, look, yeah, I've been in love. | ||
The real reality of life, though, is you have to get your own shit together before you're capable of having any sort of a relationship. | ||
Because relationships will eventually... | ||
Expose who you really are. | ||
That I agree with. | ||
You want to talk about vetting. | ||
You don't deserve someone who's got their shit together if you don't have your shit together. | ||
And that's why it always falls apart. | ||
That's why you wind up treating them like shit. | ||
You don't deserve them. | ||
You have to come to a state as a human being where all your experiences that you give to this other person are all as nice as possible. | ||
You're always as complimentary as possible, as friendly as possible, as affectionate as possible. | ||
And as soon as you get out of that state, the only way you can get there is you've got to really be happy with who the fuck you are. | ||
Because if you're not happy with who you are and what you're doing and how you feel about yourself... | ||
And then you start attaching your happiness to this one person. | ||
Like, the only time I feel good is when I'm around you. | ||
Which is crazy. | ||
Like, bitch, get your own shit together first. | ||
You can't just be entirely dependent upon one person for your own happiness. | ||
And the only way you can truly be happy in a relationship, I feel like, is if two people can be independent of each other, still enjoy each other's company. | ||
It's the, my eye to therapist wants to explain, it's like concentric circles. | ||
Like, in the middle is the relationship, where you overlap. | ||
Yeah, but you've got to also be nice to each other. | ||
That's the thing I learned. | ||
Yeah, that's the thing I learned. | ||
Because I'm from, like, I'm the youngest of 10. Oh, Jesus. | ||
Nobody paid attention to you at all. | ||
I mean, yeah, yes and no. | ||
Like, older brothers and sisters did, but 10 kids is too many. | ||
My mother admitted it. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
And she also admitted that our father didn't love us at all. | ||
Oh, wow. | ||
Okay, but sounds awful. | ||
Sounds awful. | ||
Is awful. | ||
But, when I heard that, I was like, thank you. | ||
I fucking knew it. | ||
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
You knew he didn't love you. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Wow. | ||
Knew it. | ||
What a dick. | ||
So, what does he do? | ||
Fucks bitches, I guess. | ||
He started another family. | ||
No, he's actually, he's like, he's 80s old. | ||
So he's just hanging out. | ||
Do you ever talk to him? | ||
We talk sparingly. | ||
Wow. | ||
Talk to him. | ||
Here's a good example. | ||
At my brother-in-law's funeral, which was in July, my dad sort of infirmed, and my nephew was trying to help him down the stairs. | ||
My dad goes, don't touch me. | ||
And then he walks some more down the steps, and he goes, if I fall, it's going to be your fault. | ||
Just like a crazy guy. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
Like a crazy, angry Irish dude. | ||
Oh, what a mess. | ||
So, what I found is that you kind of need... | ||
I just feel like I need to rebuild all that shit. | ||
And what I found was... | ||
Alright, so this is what I was getting at. | ||
I was seeing a girl who had to go to the hospital for some, like, infection thing. | ||
Pussy infection? | ||
Come on, man. | ||
You talk about love, and then I'll talk about pussy infection. | ||
Well, you said, you know, you said infection thing. | ||
I mean, can we... | ||
I didn't... | ||
I haven't denied that it was a pussy thing. | ||
Okay. | ||
And... | ||
So, she's in the hospital... | ||
And I was like, but at this point we kind of weren't seeing each other anymore. | ||
And she was like, I'm at the hospital by myself. | ||
And I was like, you know what? | ||
Let me just go. | ||
It was like 2.30 in the morning on like a Sunday. | ||
I was like, let me just go. | ||
I made a concerted effort to show this person love. | ||
And what I found was I felt really good about it. | ||
Meaning it made me fucking feel good to love somebody, but it's so not my natural disposition. | ||
Well, you probably grew up with a bunch of defense mechanisms. | ||
Yeah, I am a walking defense mechanism. | ||
That's what Chappelle once described me as just walking through life, just keeping everyone at a distance, which I think is a fair description. | ||
Yeah, I think, man, I think we'll all, every human that I know has been in that state at least at one point in their life, you know? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
You're gonna get burned, you know? | ||
If you get burned, you're gonna, you're gonna, not only that, you gotta, there's no fucking handbook on how to drive relationships. | ||
So you essentially just get out there and you fucking put the pedal to the metal and you crash right into the fucking trees. | ||
Right. | ||
You don't know how to drive. | ||
You don't know what you're doing. | ||
When you see people and they're dating and they get together and then three days later they're with each other 24 hours a day. | ||
Yeah, this is not good. | ||
They go to the store to buy clothes and they just fuck all day. | ||
Like, what are you guys really running from? | ||
What's going on here? | ||
This is what they did. | ||
They hit the fucking pedal to the metal. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Let's get away from where we were. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
That's not the fastest way around the racetrack, you know? | ||
The fastest way around the racetrack is you take every turn with precision, you watch what the fuck you're doing, and you don't go too fast. | ||
But again, people don't know what that is. | ||
Because I actually have the opposite thing where I take everything with precision to a fault where I'm very like, no, I have boundaries. | ||
And you will not sleep over? | ||
And I will not... | ||
I mean, like, that's an exaggeration, but I had... | ||
That sounds like a lot of fun. | ||
I wonder why you're having a problem with chicks. | ||
It was pretty great. | ||
Sounds like a great guy. | ||
If that Indian's listening. | ||
No, that was the thing. | ||
What if she is, man? | ||
What if this show makes a love connection? | ||
She'd think it's fun. | ||
But that's the thing. | ||
I didn't understand boundaries, so I would do the pedal to the metal thing. | ||
And then I'd be like, I gotta do the opposite of that. | ||
So I'd be very cautious. | ||
And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the pedal to the metal thing. | ||
Sometimes it turns out great. | ||
Who knows? | ||
Sometimes it turns out great. | ||
But... | ||
Do you honestly know when it's turned out great? | ||
Do you know anyone where they just fucked for months and it was just fucking just a physical thing? | ||
Yeah, I know a few. | ||
Look, man, sometimes it works. | ||
I know people that are super happy together. | ||
I know a few. | ||
You gotta get lucky, man. | ||
Well, that's the other thing. | ||
You gotta fucking get so lucky. | ||
You gotta get so lucky. | ||
But you also gotta be worthy of that luck. | ||
You know, you gotta have your own shit together to the point where you're fun to be around. | ||
That you're a nice person. | ||
You actually, you contribute to the relationship. | ||
It's not like you're sucking off of someone. | ||
Have you ever had a girl that you dated that wouldn't stop fucking complaining about everything no matter what? | ||
I dated a girl that was madness. | ||
It's like, God, this traffic. | ||
Are you driving slow on purpose? | ||
What is going on? | ||
This car smells. | ||
I smell something. | ||
Who is this song? | ||
Who wrote these lyrics? | ||
God, there's nothing on this radio. | ||
I think that's a sign of stupidity. | ||
I would say that dumb people are constantly talking about physical sensations. | ||
It's a little bit of that. | ||
My neck hurts. | ||
Oh, fuck, is your hand cold? | ||
Oh, there fucking smells in here. | ||
But it's also a pattern. | ||
You get stuck in a negative pattern. | ||
One of the most, in my past, Historic girls of negativity. | ||
She was a smart girl. | ||
unidentified
|
She was? | |
Yeah, her whole family was negative. | ||
They're just cunts. | ||
Just fucking snapping at each other. | ||
Everybody just like, look at you over there with your thing. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Yeah, I can't be around that. | ||
No, you can't do that to me. | ||
Because the other thing I always try to explain to people, it's like, do you think I can't go negative? | ||
Yeah. | ||
I'm a fucking comic. | ||
I can just fucking tell me to turn it on and I'll do it. | ||
I just don't want to be like that. | ||
You just threatened her with your intellect. | ||
See how he does that? | ||
How he rocks it? | ||
I threaten way more guys. | ||
I threaten way more guys with it. | ||
You threaten guys with it? | ||
Yeah, whenever guys are like... | ||
Why would you threaten? | ||
Because when guys are ball busters, I go, look man, you can keep busting my balls, and I know you think it's like jovial and jocular and all that shit, but I'm telling you, once I go negative, it's not going to be cute, and it's going to be fucking withering, and I'll be relentless about it. | ||
So just stop now. | ||
Because I think guys think that's a way to communicate, and it's like, I don't communicate that way. | ||
Like, what kind of guys are, what are they doing to you? | ||
Oh, Joe. | ||
No, what are they doing to me? | ||
They're just going like, nice... | ||
Even that stand-up thing of like, nice fucking shirt, fag, dude. | ||
And it's like, what is he, fucking sweatshirt? | ||
Oh, when you walk on stage? | ||
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
If you go to the comedy club and you're not even wearing anything egregious, you're not wearing cut pants in front of a jet. | ||
Right. | ||
You're not committing the gravest sin on earth, which is wearing cut pants in front of a jet. | ||
That is egregious. | ||
No, just like a dumb... | ||
And I'll just go like, look, man. | ||
Stop. | ||
Oh, you warn them. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I'm a big warner. | ||
Because whenever people slam me, it's like, do you think I can't fucking slam? | ||
I can slam the president in a fucking clever way. | ||
You think I can't slam you? | ||
You piece of shit? | ||
Well, there's a lot of people that just like to play. | ||
Yeah, but I just think it's founded in negativity. | ||
I don't think anyone means anything. | ||
It's like I've said, how much money? | ||
When people go, Joe, you set for life? | ||
They're not rooting for you to be set for life. | ||
unidentified
|
That's... | |
With that semi-aggressive... | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
That's exactly what I mean. | ||
It's like no one wants that for you. | ||
They want to go, fuck you. | ||
You fucking blew your money, bro. | ||
If I were you, I'd totally... | ||
And if you are set for life, then they're like, this... | ||
You have nice eyelashes. | ||
Thanks a lot, man. | ||
Thank you very much. | ||
Is that what you like? | ||
I do have a long eyelash. | ||
I just noticed that he has really prominent eyelashes. | ||
Thanks a lot, man. | ||
I like him. | ||
He gets me. | ||
I'm going to go positive on you, if you're not careful. | ||
Yeah, if you're not careful, dude, he'll just fucking... | ||
I'm going to compliment the fuck out of you. | ||
You look like a skinny George Zimmerman. | ||
How about that? | ||
I'm not skinny. | ||
I'm not skinny. | ||
So what do you think about this thing? | ||
Now that they grabbed the Zimmerman dude, do you think it's going to calm everybody down? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, I think they had to, right? | |
Yeah, I mean, I don't think that they... | ||
Too much controversy. | ||
Yeah, but I don't think they're going to bring a trial because people want one. | ||
I think the woman, the prosecutor, was like, looked at the... | ||
I think the local PD was awful. | ||
I think they were shitty. | ||
Even the way they walked them in... | ||
Where they walked him in like he was a cop. | ||
Like, hey, you want to go ahead? | ||
One of them walks around him so that he's behind all of the cops. | ||
It's like, is that how you treat suspects? | ||
Is you fucking just walk them in? | ||
They're not pushing them. | ||
They're not steering them. | ||
What if he fucking... | ||
Jason Statham'd all those motherfuckers. | ||
Choked one guy, grabbed the gun. | ||
Kills all of them. | ||
It's all on tape. | ||
That'd be fucking wild. | ||
You don't know that he's not the Transporter. | ||
Remember Transporter? | ||
I always thought you should have movies like that. | ||
I don't want to do those. | ||
You said that last time. | ||
Yeah, I've always thought that. | ||
I even killed a meeting once. | ||
I had a meeting with these people about a martial arts type thing. | ||
I said, I don't want to do anything that looks ridiculous. | ||
I go, I would never fight a retard wagon train where there's ten dudes so many and I kick all their asses. | ||
Because everybody waits. | ||
That's not how fights are. | ||
Plus it conflicted with Zookeeper, the scheduling conflict. | ||
Zookeeper! | ||
It was fun. | ||
I'll do a kid's movie in a heartbeat before I do a martial arts movie, man. | ||
I would not want to do a movie where I run. | ||
You made the observation that when you're in those movies, they don't work because everyone waits to fight. | ||
There'll be eight dudes, and they'll wait one at a time to get their ass beat. | ||
That's ridiculous. | ||
Instead of just all jumping you at once. | ||
Go to WorldStarHipHop, okay? | ||
You want to find out how people really fight? | ||
Go to worldstarhiphop.com and there you'll see a lot of evidence of how people fight. | ||
This is what happens. | ||
You get punched in the face, you go unconscious, your head bounces off the concrete, and people proceed to kick you. | ||
And then they take your clothes off. | ||
That's a real fight, stupid. | ||
That's what people should see. | ||
This nonsense about one guy wading into a crowd of folks and just fucking annihilating everyone in his path. | ||
People respect the stance. | ||
If you're in a stance, people are like, hey, one at a time. | ||
Patrick Swayze eyebrow cut where he just dribbles a little bit by the face. | ||
Was it the last Ice House Chronicles that we were talking about this where like the worst is when they get knocked out and then they're still punching and kicking him like on the street. | ||
You see like a ragdoll head. | ||
Horrific. | ||
Oh, the like actual street. | ||
Did you see the one? | ||
I saw the Baltimore one, yeah. | ||
I watched a little bit of it. | ||
It's horrible. | ||
Just the noise his head made when it hit the concrete. | ||
It's just like, nope. | ||
But it was hollow because his mouth was open a little bit. | ||
Ugh. | ||
It sounded like a pumpkin. | ||
He got hit by the world. | ||
That's what it's like. | ||
It's like hitting the world at 20 miles an hour. | ||
This is ridiculous. | ||
Have you ever broken up something like that? | ||
Yeah, I'd like to think I would, but there's a part of it that's like, I think I would just go like, eh. | ||
You've got to be very careful. | ||
Stop. | ||
You could get jumped and taken right into that. | ||
The first, most important thing is, if there's not a lot of people, the most important thing is to get the fuck out of here and call the police. | ||
That's what the most important thing is. | ||
If you want to jump in, if there's, I mean, how many people are there? | ||
10, 15 people? | ||
You don't think someone's going to sucker punch you too? | ||
They just sucker punch this dude and put him out. | ||
Are you ready to go scrap with 10 people? | ||
How confident are you, stupid? | ||
Even if you get in there and try to say, hey, listen, this is fucking crazy. | ||
Leave him alone. | ||
You've got to gauge the situation. | ||
Gauge how they respond to it. | ||
You better be ready to run for your fucking life. | ||
That's some real shit. | ||
The people that are good people have to understand that there's not... | ||
The whole world is not populated by good people. | ||
There's a lot of people out there that are motherfuckers. | ||
And they'll do crazy shit to you. | ||
Well, it's also interesting how quickly it just becomes like, and a mob. | ||
Like just fucking something in the brain just goes mob. | ||
Especially if you're white and they're black. | ||
And in that situation, that was clearly, they cracked that dude. | ||
And then you hear them deciding altogether to just rob him and take his shit. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
And if you try jumping into that, man, you're with that guy. | ||
You're going to be with that guy. | ||
Even if you just protest what they're doing. | ||
It's not like you're protesting as a black guy. | ||
What if I say, look guys, I co-created Chappelle's show. | ||
Let's be reasonable about this. | ||
I have some DVDs, not on me, but if you all give me your mailing address. | ||
They just start fucking you. | ||
Yeah, I mean, that's... | ||
Actually fucking you. | ||
Yeah, actually fucking you. | ||
They'd be like, listen, we've got to take this opportunity to fuck this guy. | ||
You know what's funny? | ||
That's the interesting thing about the same part of people that just goes, and mob is the same part of people that go, and comedy club laughing. | ||
To me, it's the same mechanism. | ||
What? | ||
It's just your brain decides we're laughing, and that's funny, and I'm going to attack. | ||
I think it's the limbic system, I think, and you just go, and go. | ||
Yeah, but laughter is sort of based on perception. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Again, I understand. | ||
That's based on just going straight, wild, crazy. | ||
But you know what I mean about when you do a joke... | ||
That, and someone in the crowd is, you have like a pocket of dissenters, they make the show worse for everyone around them. | ||
Right, right. | ||
And they don't do anything. | ||
Right. | ||
They're just, they have energy of, I just think it's like some human energy shit. | ||
I think it's like some animalistic human energy shit. | ||
Well, you definitely get that in live audiences, man. | ||
We've all experienced that, where someone is sitting in the front and they're looking at you funny and they cross their arms and You'll even see them shaking their head like this guy's not funny. | ||
I've seen that. | ||
People will do that to fuck with you. | ||
It's like the people that would stand in front of you if you were playing pool and they'd stand in front of your shot and make faces and kind of shark you. | ||
That's exactly what they would do at a comedy club. | ||
You watch basketball and dudes are in front of the net and they're doing that thing. | ||
Guys do that all the time. | ||
There's people that are always going to want to see if they can fuck with you, especially if they don't know who you are. | ||
I think it's also people that haven't been to comedy clubs many times, because I think a lot of people go to comedy clubs and are like, alright, you better make me laugh, because I paid money. | ||
It's kind of like, almost like you're doing a job. | ||
I also think it's just that Billy Wilder, the director, said that audience members are individually, they're idiots, but together they're a genius. | ||
Meaning, the collective unconscious thing. | ||
Like, If I do a joke where I say, I'm vegan, it's easy to be vegan in LA, but the rest of the country might as well walk up to people and go, hey, where do faggots eat? | ||
Simple joke, funny, basically a knock-knock joke. | ||
Now, I'm not being homophobic, I'm not doing anything. | ||
Most of the time, they're laughing before they can go, hey, wait a minute, he said faggot, that's kind of homophobic, how do I feel about that? | ||
And all of comedy is kind of like that. | ||
And I believe it's the same thing with a lynch mob, where it's just like, and we're a mob, before they go, maybe a guy that we just punched out. | ||
Maybe we don't take his pants. | ||
Like, they're just doing it. | ||
I don't think that was the case. | ||
I think he was around a bunch of criminals. | ||
Oh, you think so? | ||
Fuck yeah. | ||
Yeah, I think there's a shitload of criminals in Baltimore. | ||
Crime in Baltimore is through the fucking roof. | ||
Oh, yeah, yeah, I agree. | ||
That was a drunk guy who was out with a bunch of criminals. | ||
And they decided to beat the fuck out of them and steal shit from them. | ||
And that wasn't the first time they beat the fuck out of somebody. | ||
It wasn't the first time they stole shit from people. | ||
That's what that was. | ||
I don't think it's anything but that. | ||
It's real simple. | ||
I think maybe two of them were criminals and eight of them got in on it. | ||
Come on, man. | ||
We got dark pockets of humanity. | ||
And that guy was strolling drunk through a dark pocket of humanity and they fucked him up. | ||
What I would say is there's dark pockets in every single human. | ||
Yes, it's possible. | ||
But you have to have the certain combination of neglect and abuse as a child and abuse by your environment. | ||
You have to have a certain amount of disconnect with the idea of community and brothership and fellowship and love. | ||
You have to have enough fucked up shit in your life that you don't go the natural way. | ||
Humans that are raised with love and humans that are raised in a good community, that's what they try to appreciate and And cultivate. | ||
And when you're not, and you lash out, I mean, it's almost always because somebody did a fucking terrible job of raising some kid. | ||
It could have been some other place where everybody around was terrible for kids. | ||
And these toxic cesspools, occasionally they shit out excellence, you know, and someone would just try so hard to get away from it that they become this, you know, mega mogul type character. | ||
You know, some super rapper dude, or a fighter or an athlete or something like that. | ||
But I mean, essentially, it's a dark, horrible pocket of humanity where anything can go wrong. | ||
And that's one of the main, if you want to cry racism in this country, the real reality, that's some of the most racist shit, I think. | ||
The system? | ||
Yeah. | ||
When you see a problem area like that and you just dismiss it as a bunch of lazy people, you're dismissing babies, man. | ||
You're dismissing them. | ||
That is clearly, in a way, it's either dishonest or it's racist. | ||
It's one or the other. | ||
Because you're ignoring the fact that these bundles of potential human beings are being brought into this fucked up situation. | ||
Instead, you want to concentrate on some minerals on the other side of the world or some Taliban dudes that may or may not even exist. | ||
How many of them are there really? | ||
Well, there's 300 of them. | ||
Isn't there just a bunch of fucking people where you're in their yard and you're shooting at them? | ||
But Joe, they have over 200 horses. | ||
And they have 10 pickup trucks. | ||
How many spears do they have? | ||
They've ate. | ||
At last count, they've ate spirits. | ||
Fuck, man. | ||
And just think about all the potential that could be saved if we put the resources that we're putting into going to these other countries with giant fucked up machines. | ||
Well, that's the thing, yeah. | ||
It's like Bill Gates ending malaria. | ||
We took that money. | ||
And took all those people and hired them, instead of giving them jobs as soldiers, giving them jobs as community rebuilders. | ||
Provide the same kind of jobs that could be available to a million soldiers could easily be better spent in this country to having community builders. | ||
Have a million fucking people that you send throughout the terrible spots in this country and they rebuild the infrastructure of community centers, they set up after school things for kids and mentoring for kids, they get kids around people who can be good role models, and they teach them better than they're getting in these fucked up schools where you might as well be going to prison. | ||
Do you believe in the idea of welfare queens, meaning women that like having babies? | ||
For sure they exist. | ||
But to me, it's such a small amount. | ||
There's a spectrum of humanity, man. | ||
Yes, it is a small amount. | ||
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I agree, but it's a small amount. | |
But I think that that's how people that are against what you're saying would say, what's the problem with that? | ||
Babies don't deserve to be fucked over. | ||
That's the real problem is that we are not taking into account the babies. | ||
We're putting one of the most difficult tasks in the world, and we're taking someone who can't even take care of themselves, and we're helping them take care of themselves so that they can keep raising this baby in the most fucked up way possible. | ||
When really what we should do is try to educate them and try to come in and help them and try to figure out what the fuck can be done to put this person in some sort of a positive state So just somehow or another, you can raise this baby, right? | ||
That person's done. | ||
That person's, yeah, she's 45, and she's been on welfare her whole life, and she's addicted to crack. | ||
She's done. | ||
You can try and help her if you want, but you can save that baby! | ||
That baby can be saved! | ||
I almost see welfare as a buyout of people. | ||
You're going to be a terrible CVS employee, So you're going to be a drag on the economy. | ||
We're going to buy you out. | ||
We're going to pay you to stay home, basically. | ||
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Right. | |
And just make $240 a week, and we'll give you milk and sugar and all the shit you need to eat. | ||
But you're not good for the economy. | ||
You're just bad. | ||
It's a mess. | ||
But I also think that another thing that... | ||
When people generally on the right say that there's all these welfare queens and stuff, it's like, you know, and they got so many babies. | ||
You know what would help them not have babies? | ||
Birth control. | ||
You gave them some fucking birth control. | ||
Yeah, but even if you do that, there's going to be some people that have babies. | ||
Oh, no, I'm not saying nobody's going to have babies. | ||
We have to. | ||
I'm saying it's like, well, you had the baby. | ||
Now you've got to do it. | ||
It's like, yeah, but if you gave her rubbers or if you gave her the pill... | ||
You'd have less babies. | ||
We have to figure out a way to make our community somehow or another, our existence here, at least in this country. | ||
I mean, we can't control the whole world, but I think in this country, we're capable of getting to a place where we have accepted things and standards for our communities. | ||
And if we just concentrated the amount of effort we spend on military shit, on trying to figure out how to stop kids from growing up fucked up, how to come in and help them, How to come in and catch them while they're young, while they're not a mess yet. | ||
That's the... | ||
That's really... | ||
I mean, no one is looking at that. | ||
They're allowing... | ||
Well, it's just awful. | ||
They look at the statistics and they just allow nature to run its course. | ||
It's crazy. | ||
Yeah, and then it's like you... | ||
They kick someone in the shin and they go, what are you limping for? | ||
It's like they're born into this terrible thing and then you go, you're fucking lazy! | ||
No, they're born into this... | ||
Even if they weren't lazy, they're in such a shitty system that you have to be ten times more motivated to get out of it. | ||
Yeah, I've been around a lot of dudes, especially when I was really young, that grew up in the projects and had a lot of the kids that I used to do martial arts tournaments with. | ||
They came from really fucked up places. | ||
And it was super depressing sometimes when I'd go to visit them and go to where they lived. | ||
And they had a lot of anger inside because of that. | ||
There was a lot of frustration because of that. | ||
And they got out of it with martial arts. | ||
And they become productive members of society. | ||
But when they would tell me some of the stories of the shit they had to go through, how bad the crime is and their projects and how scary it is. | ||
You can't have anything sticking out of your pockets. | ||
It'll rip your pockets open. | ||
Like, whoa, man. | ||
This kid's living with wolves. | ||
And that's before they've even gotten to white people. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
Like, that's before that. | ||
I got a podcast called The Champs. | ||
It's on iTunes. | ||
It's good, whatever. | ||
And we only have black guests on. | ||
Because I've just never had a boring conversation with a black guest. | ||
And Jose Canseca. | ||
You've never had a boring conversation with a black dude? | ||
Almost never. | ||
I'm not saying never, but I find that more of my conversations with black dudes are interesting and inspiring and just fucking engaging than white people. | ||
I know a few dudes you'd walk away from. | ||
No, yeah, of course. | ||
I'm sure there's exceptions to everyone. | ||
I'll get a few dudes a trophy in the corner and change that statistic. | ||
But that's the thing. | ||
White people, they don't spend any... | ||
The thing that I always say is it's important that most of black dudes I know that did something with their lives spent time with white people at a young age. | ||
Because it's important to get demystified. | ||
To have white people demystified, you go, oh, it's not, they're not all out to get me. | ||
They're not all white devil. | ||
Yeah, they're not, they're just living their life. | ||
They're not, they're also not these big Paul Bunyan-esque fucking, they're not these phantoms that control everything and they're just people, they're trying to live like I am and vice versa. | ||
It's good for white people to hang out with black people. | ||
But the amount of just shit the average black dude has to deal with on a regular basis, just as part of the culture, it's just like, ugh. | ||
It's so disgusting. | ||
Like looks and calves and just every single interaction. | ||
Banging some hot white girls. | ||
A real hot blonde white girl. | ||
Oh, forget it, Joe. | ||
Yeah, we actually talked about this yesterday with Amy Schumer where she was talking about how many black girls have that, you know, anger at black men for not dating a black girl. | ||
Right. | ||
And I'm like, that's like one of the few, like, blatantly open pieces of racism we allow. | ||
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Right. | |
You know, that's like as racist as you can get. | ||
You shouldn't be dating white girls. | ||
Well, no, it's crazy. | ||
It's like we're all the same and we need to overcome, but how fucking dare you? | ||
How dare you try to date someone you like? | ||
Like, we're not all the same. | ||
Turns out we're not all the same. | ||
Yeah. | ||
These bitches are evil. | ||
You've got yourself to worry about, and we're the human race. | ||
And if you fall in love with a Filipino lady, it's nothing wrong with that, alright? | ||
Right. | ||
You know, just because you're ex-girlfriend. | ||
It's nonsense. | ||
Who the fuck is anybody to tell anybody who to date? | ||
Well, generally the problem is black girls don't like white dudes. | ||
Whereas black dudes like white girls? | ||
Tough shit. | ||
No, I know. | ||
It's like you need to open yourself up to more shit. | ||
How do you think Chinese dudes feel if they only like white chicks? | ||
They gotta feel bad. | ||
It's a hard ride. | ||
They gotta feel really bad. | ||
It's hard to get a white chick if you're a Chinese dude. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I do a joke. | ||
I mean, a lot of them pull it off. | ||
Don't get me wrong. | ||
No. | ||
But it's not a common thing. | ||
Yeah, I do a joke where I say, I used to ask people that were mixed, that they were half white and half Asian, which parent was what race. | ||
But it's a stupid question because I realized that the dad was never Asian. | ||
Fucking ever. | ||
That's not true. | ||
I don't agree whose dad was Japanese. | ||
You'll find one person, but mostly it's like, I met her when I was in Korea. | ||
There's always like, the... | ||
Because also, white girls don't like Asian dudes because they don't like short dudes. | ||
But what if it's a big one? | ||
I know a lot of Asian dudes are really big. | ||
You've got to be a sexy fucking Asian to get white girls. | ||
You've got to be a Bruce Lee. | ||
You've got to be a fucking Kevin Shea. | ||
You've got to be a Bobby Lee. | ||
Kim Jong. | ||
You've got to be a Jeremy Lin. | ||
You've got to be a sexy fucking Asian. | ||
That's wild, isn't it? | ||
That's probably the hardest road for white pussy. | ||
Asian, yeah. | ||
Yeah, I was gonna say Mexican dude. | ||
What's the hardest if you want to get a black check? | ||
Asian guy as well? | ||
Probably an Asian guy. | ||
Asian guy as well, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Could you see Beyonce going out with an Asian guy? | ||
Could you ever see that? | ||
Sure couldn't. | ||
Not even... | ||
Sure couldn't, Joe. | ||
Sure couldn't. | ||
Yeah, maybe it could happen. | ||
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Bruce Lee! | |
But Bruce Lee! | ||
Fucking... | ||
You gotta be that. | ||
You know where it happened? | ||
Some weird place like Scottsdale, Arizona or something. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
They met at the tanning salon. | ||
Yeah, so they're just both a little off. | ||
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Yeah. | |
And she gets a thrill out of the fact she hangs out with this dude who speaks Mandarin. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Maybe. | ||
Maybe her dad was really into Kung Fu. | ||
Yeah, but again, it's got to be like... | ||
Yeah, it sucks. | ||
It's just one of those things that's just like... | ||
It sucked! | ||
It is what it is, man. | ||
There's nothing we can do about it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Just history. | ||
Someday. | ||
Although having said that, I bet during Genghis Khan's time, to bring it back to that, that Asian dudes could get pussy. | ||
First of all, because they were taking it. | ||
But also because that was the paradigm of masculinity. | ||
That's interesting. | ||
That's really fascinating. | ||
So what happened that that changed? | ||
Is it all cultural? | ||
Well, that's why I always find that when I go to Europe, it's odd... | ||
In America, to me, it's like a granted that black dudes are cool and create a lot of culture. | ||
And in Europe, it's kind of like, no. | ||
Soccer is the number one sport. | ||
They prefer, like, techno music to hip-hop. | ||
Yeah, there's a lot of... | ||
Like, so there's no... | ||
They, like, don't even get... | ||
Like, black fashion isn't a thing. | ||
They all wear tight pants. | ||
Like, whereas here, there's a huge strain of black cultural dominance that you go to Europe and it just fucking evaporates. | ||
But I think it is that, like, what do people condition to think is good? | ||
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Yeah. | |
Yeah, really? | ||
Why sexually? | ||
That doesn't make sense to me. | ||
Because sexually, to me, it's always clear what men like. | ||
Men like the same thing every goddamn turn. | ||
I mean, there's a few weirdos who want stick figures and fat women. | ||
Right. | ||
But men, what's the magic ratio of the two-to-one hips to waist? | ||
Yeah, whatever it is, it's natural. | ||
The golden ratio? | ||
There was a lady that I was, I was in Beverly Hills today, and there was this lady, and she was probably in her 40s, deep in her 40s, which I try to be respectful and not have, like, ugly feelings about women who are older than me when I look at her. | ||
She was built so nice. | ||
She had this thin waist and this ass. | ||
You could tell this bitch goes to the gym. | ||
You could tell. | ||
She worked out hard. | ||
She was really well kept. | ||
And you just look at her body instantly. | ||
Wow, that's sex. | ||
That's what she looks like. | ||
Yeah, you're built for sex. | ||
She looks like sex. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And that's just automatic. | ||
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But again, girls like tall guys, broad shoulders. | |
But I'm talking in general. | ||
You know what they like? | ||
They like strength. | ||
They like physical, genetic strength. | ||
Yes. | ||
And they also like social, worth. | ||
They like any sort of strength. | ||
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That's strength as well. | |
That's strength as well. | ||
Absolutely. | ||
This monetary strength. | ||
They want whatever looks attractive to mate with. | ||
It's the same thing. | ||
Men want a woman that can fucking protect their baby in utero and then feed it with big giant titties. | ||
Why not Asian guys? | ||
Because they're not tall and they don't have... | ||
Generally speaking, they're not tall and they don't have broad shoulders. | ||
And they got no social currency. | ||
Yeah, they do. | ||
Social skills. | ||
Is that what it is? | ||
For the most I know, they're not... | ||
No, I think it could be smooth. | ||
Hold on a second. | ||
In what way? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Any of the Asians that I know, they're very foreign. | ||
When it comes to just common pop culture, pop anything. | ||
Are you talking about American Asians? | ||
I'm talking about American Asians that I know. | ||
That were born here. | ||
Having conversations with them, it's very different than having a conversation with an Asian chick. | ||
Do you think that it's because they came from the parents of immigrants and their parents were super strict? | ||
There's a little of that. | ||
You make it a big generalization, obviously. | ||
I know a lot of Asians. | ||
I'm just talking about the people I know. | ||
Look at Bobby Lee. | ||
He's not like that. | ||
Bobby Lee's pretty cool. | ||
There's a lot of Asians that are totally down and cool. | ||
I know several of them. | ||
Right, but that's what I'm wondering. | ||
I know more that are actually cool. | ||
You know a lot of fans. | ||
But cool that girls would want to date them cool, though? | ||
Or more like, hey, they're cool if I want to talk about video games and stuff? | ||
Cool if I want to just hang out with them. | ||
When I think about the dudes that I know that are Asian, I know a lot of Asian martial arts guys. | ||
I know a lot of Asian dudes from martial arts. | ||
And I know a lot of them. | ||
If I want to talk about the most percentage of Asian dudes with white girlfriends, it's usually martial arts. | ||
That makes complete sense. | ||
Because it's a show. | ||
They're peacocking. | ||
And they're fit. | ||
And they wear Bruce Lee brown sweatsuits everywhere they go. | ||
With a zipper. | ||
Penis is easy to get in our mouth. | ||
There's no gap. | ||
Real easy! | ||
And he's happy about it. | ||
He doesn't care. | ||
It feels good for him. | ||
She's really just into getting her pussy eaten anyway. | ||
I mean, she really doesn't even like sex that much. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So for them, it works. | ||
Stereotypes aside. | ||
But, you know, I think I have a friend that was... | ||
She was raised by a very strict father to the point where when she got older, like, all of her boyfriends became... | ||
She wouldn't date Asian guys. | ||
It was all white guys. | ||
Only white guys. | ||
And her father was like... | ||
I just guess just such a like stereotypical over-the-top like you know authoritarian like really strict Asian father and it just completely whacked her out to the idea of ever dating an Asian guy and If that's the case, if it's like that's a part of their culture. | ||
I know my friends that are Korean, I had a buddy that was Korean. | ||
I've never met anybody who worked harder in my life. | ||
Well, that's the thing. | ||
There's no machismo about the culture. | ||
It's just basically like quiet hard work. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
Yeah, they're not into bragging at all. | ||
Yeah, they're not into wearing chains. | ||
They're not into getting nice cars. | ||
It's just like... | ||
We're planning for the next generation. | ||
Yeah, my friend Jung-sik, Jung-sik Chang, we did Taekwondo together. | ||
He wound up on the national team. | ||
He was a national champion and he was in fucking medical school. | ||
And he took a little bit of time off from medical school to compete. | ||
Never met a guy who works that hard. | ||
Manny Pacquiao is a good example. | ||
Yeah, the guy's like a governor or some shit. | ||
He's the governor. | ||
unidentified
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He's like the mayor of Thailand. | |
Philippines. | ||
He's not from Thailand. | ||
No, exactly. | ||
And he lives in the place by the Beverly Center. | ||
With eight of his cousins. | ||
Oh, does he really? | ||
No, like when they come for fights, they stay at the Palazzo. | ||
Hey, what are you doing? | ||
Why would you say that on the internet? | ||
Because they show it on that show. | ||
Oh, that's so stupid. | ||
And there's a gate. | ||
Why would they do that? | ||
Yeah. | ||
How many nutty people are waiting outside for him every day? | ||
Fight him. | ||
To fight him? | ||
No, go ahead. | ||
He goes to Wild Card Gym. | ||
They know where he goes. | ||
That's the kind of thing. | ||
When you're that kind of badass, it's like, alright, so what are you going to do? | ||
We filmed him. | ||
I went there for Tasha's show. | ||
And Tasha was going to let Manny Pacquiao punch him in the head. | ||
And I was his corner man. | ||
He really hit him. | ||
He was very nice about it. | ||
The first couple times he hit him, he barely hit him. | ||
Were you going to say gingerly? | ||
No. | ||
I was searching for a word, but gingerly would apply. | ||
That's a good word. | ||
But the amount of people that were there... | ||
It was insane. | ||
Just there. | ||
They're just there. | ||
Downstairs in that parking lot. | ||
They weren't there because of the Tasha show. | ||
They were there because that's where Manny Pacquiao trained. | ||
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Yeah. | |
And this was, I guess, like a year ago, maybe? | ||
Less than a year ago? | ||
Maybe a year. | ||
Less than a year, probably. | ||
And so he's only gotten even more popular since then. | ||
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Yeah. | |
I mean, he's a goddamn superhero. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And there's a restaurant, a Thai restaurant that you eat at downstairs, and it's got all pictures of him on the wall because that's where he eats. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, you can find Manny Packard. | ||
Yeah, you can find him. | ||
And he's a humble dude. | ||
Oh, he's the nicest guy ever. | ||
He's a sweetheart. | ||
That is that weird thing that fighters have where you don't really brag. | ||
Well, I think when you get to the point of Manny Pacquiao, why would he brag? | ||
I mean, that guy probably can't believe how fucking amazing his life is. | ||
unidentified
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Well, what do you make of Mayweather then? | |
Well, that sort of part of it is his shtick. | ||
And it's also part of it is why he's become so successful. | ||
And it's also part of it is his environment. | ||
And if you look at, I mean, there's no better example than those shows, those HBO series when they follow him. | ||
Because if you follow his life, man, his father was in jail, okay? | ||
His father talks mad shit to him. | ||
They talk mad shit to each other. | ||
Like he said to his father, he goes, you ain't nothing. | ||
You ain't never nothing. | ||
You ain't no champion. | ||
You ain't never no champion. | ||
And he says it to his father's face on camera. | ||
And he shuts down his father, makes him look like shit on camera. | ||
And then his You know, his uncle Rogers the same way. | ||
And they just talk mad shit to each other. | ||
Roger just got it. | ||
He's on trial for domestic abuse. | ||
He beat some girl up. | ||
I mean, that's the environment. | ||
And then Floyd smacked some girl. | ||
And, you know, he's got to go to jail for 90 days. | ||
They're letting him fight first. | ||
You know, I mean, it's really... | ||
That's a crazy life. | ||
That's part of his environment. | ||
But look how goddamn disciplined that dude is. | ||
The reason why Floyd is so good... | ||
Floyd will get out, he'll go out clubbing, drinking water, and then with his jeans on, he'll run at like 1.30 in the morning. | ||
He gets his truck, his driver, whoever the fuck he's got working for him, to drive the car behind him, and he'll just go run home at 1.30 in the morning. | ||
Do you think that's characterological? | ||
Meaning, do you think it's just in him? | ||
Meaning, at a certain point, it's like that so-and-so is disciplined? | ||
It's almost like that's just how their brain is? | ||
Like Floyd, it's like, I just gotta fucking run. | ||
No, no. | ||
He's not that crazy. | ||
I think he's doing the work. | ||
I think he's just addicted to success, and I think he knows exactly what he has to do to be as good as he is, which is better than almost anybody. | ||
And I think his technical skill is only eclipsed by his work ethic. | ||
And that's what people don't understand. | ||
He's got great technical skill. | ||
He's a great boxer. | ||
You've seen him fight live? | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
He's on a different speed. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, he's also so accurate and his timing is fucking genius. | ||
And he knows how to control a fight. | ||
He knows how to pace himself. | ||
He knows how to do anything. | ||
But... | ||
One of the big things about that dude is he never gets tired. | ||
That guy's never even remotely tired. | ||
You never even see him slow down. | ||
He's never in a war where he has to dig down deep because someone's been rocking him. | ||
You know when you start seeing fighters in those fights and they're covering up and they're bouncing off the ropes? | ||
The last time you saw that Floyd over there. | ||
The guy that he ended up knocking out when the guy put his hands down was giving him a little something? | ||
No, he wasn't. | ||
He wasn't hitting him with shit. | ||
All he was hitting him with was headbutts. | ||
Oh, I agree. | ||
I agree. | ||
He throws a lot of punches, but Floyd is a goddamn expert at moving with punches and about sliding away from punches. | ||
The only guy that's ever hit him clean that I've ever seen in a modern fight, not when he was younger, when he was first starting out, but in a recent fight, is Sugar Shane Mosley, caught him with the right hand and rocked him. | ||
But you know what he does? | ||
He fucking calms himself down. | ||
Did he fall? | ||
Nope, nope. | ||
But he rocked. | ||
He got cracked. | ||
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Boom! | |
I like that that counts as like, he got hit once. | ||
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It's like when those guys get knocked out, we're talking about like, one time he got hit hard. | |
They all get hit, but he got hit clean. | ||
But that's how fast he is, is that you're bringing up like, one time in 1998, a guy actually landed a punch clean. | ||
Exactly. | ||
But I saw him fight Hatton and somebody else, and you just got like, this isn't even a, they're not even in the same league. | ||
Yeah, he's way too good for them. | ||
He's way too good, and Hatton started getting tired. | ||
I mean, Hatton was a tough guy, but Hatton was also a partier. | ||
That fucked Hatton after he got out of the game. | ||
He got real big and started doing cocaine. | ||
Oh, did he really? | ||
He got caught with it, yeah. | ||
Which is so sad when you see fighters that get out of the game and they don't know what the fuck to do and they go crazy. | ||
It happened to Joe Lewis. | ||
It happened to Sonny Liston. | ||
It happened to a lot of them. | ||
They don't know what to do. | ||
They just get fucking nutty. | ||
What a wild ride they've been on their whole life. | ||
Then all of a sudden you say, okay, no more craziness. | ||
There should be a farm or something. | ||
I mean, for real, what do you do with Mike Tyson? | ||
It's like you're great at violence, and we have no use for it other than in that one thing that you can only really do until you're 27. Well, Mike Tyson actually, I believe, has a one-man show in Vegas now. | ||
This is what I've been hearing, and I've been hearing it's really good. | ||
And what it is, is he just sits down and tells stories of his life, just like that documentary. | ||
But they put a structure to it, and he knows how to do it, and apparently has a great stage presence. | ||
And apparently it's really compelling. | ||
That's great. | ||
It's great. | ||
You're sitting there with boxing history. | ||
How old are you? | ||
38. I'm 44. When I was in 1986, I was 19 years old. | ||
And I remember when Mike Tyson fights would come on. | ||
I remember. | ||
Yeah. | ||
When Mike Tyson fights would come on, everybody would fucking gather around. | ||
They would all gather around. | ||
It was something different. | ||
It wasn't like, hey, there's a boxing match this weekend. | ||
Even Marvin Hagler. | ||
I have become a Marvin Hagler fan. | ||
Those fights were... | ||
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Assaults. | |
Primal. | ||
There was something like, they're going to let a dog attack a person. | ||
An animal is going to fight. | ||
Something horrifying is going to happen. | ||
He's a part of the sports history. | ||
There was no one... | ||
No one, I think, today can appreciate how dominant he was when he was in his preseason. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Especially amongst the general public. | ||
There's a few people that question whether or not he'd ever fight a guy like Carl the Truth Williams. | ||
He had a really good jab, apparently had great training sessions with him, and it was like, Carl the Truth is the guy to beat Tyson. | ||
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Right. | |
But then by the time Tyson got to Carl the Truth, he fucked him up. | ||
Tyson was on a completely different level by that point. | ||
Well, that's the thing, those fights where he knocked dudes out in 40 seconds. | ||
Well, Larry Holmes. | ||
And people get mad. | ||
And it's like, well, he's that fucking good. | ||
Larry Holmes was older when he fought him. | ||
So I would have loved to have seen a prime Larry Holmes. | ||
Because Larry Holmes gave him a hard time with the jab in the first round. | ||
But in the second round, Tyson just started moving his head more. | ||
Found his rhythm. | ||
Eventually caught him with a monster punch. | ||
Dropped him. | ||
And then knocked him out in a really fucked up way. | ||
Where his leg went backwards behind him. | ||
And then went... | ||
Remember that? | ||
When you looked at it, it was like, his leg is fucked. | ||
And, you know, Larry Holmes was a long-time heavyweight champion. | ||
Nobody had ever done that to Larry. | ||
Guys had beaten Larry, but nobody had ever done that to him. | ||
So, that guy was... | ||
He's such a historic figure to us. | ||
He made dudes look retarded. | ||
It was scary. | ||
He would literally make them look like... | ||
They would pass out in a way that's like, yo, that... | ||
They would do crazy shit. | ||
Yeah. | ||
People don't need to see that. | ||
Like, oh, look like a drunk... | ||
He would make men look like drunk... | ||
Ants. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But when he won the title, he did that. | ||
Remember? | ||
Who the fuck did he fight? | ||
Trevor Burbick? | ||
Trevor Burbick. | ||
He wound up being a reverend and shit and doing a bunch of other nutty shit. | ||
I think he got murdered, too. | ||
He did a lot. | ||
I feel like Trevor Burbick got murdered. | ||
I don't think... | ||
I can't rule that out. | ||
Yeah, that's very possible. | ||
But the idea of Mike Tyson telling you all those stories, what it was like to be that guy, you know, back then when he was on top of the fucking world, I mean, he was a fucking monster. | ||
The other thing about Mike Tyson is he's the Mike Tyson of self-loathing as well. | ||
Meaning he'll just be like, I'm a piece of shit. | ||
I mean, it's like, whoa, man. | ||
But there's something so arresting about somebody saying that. | ||
Yeah, Trevor Burr was murdered, man. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He won the title from Trevor Burberry. | ||
You remember that one thing that Tyson did for the movie where he's talking about his mindset as he was walking to the cage? | ||
And they raped his sisters? | ||
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
He was walking. | ||
He was like, he goes, I'm walking to the cage. | ||
I'm nervous. | ||
I'm nervous. | ||
I'm thinking about this. | ||
I'm looking at the crowd. | ||
I'm looking at him. | ||
I'm trying to make eye contact. | ||
And as I get closer, I get more and more confident. | ||
I get confident. | ||
I get inside. | ||
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I'm a god. | |
It's just like the way he said it. | ||
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You're just thinking, what the fuck would it feel like if you had got it? | |
If you're trapped in a ring. | ||
When he fought Michael Spinks, That was one of the big fights of Tyson's career. | ||
And Michael Spinks was a former light heavyweight champion who had gone up to heavyweight and beaten Larry Holmes by decision. | ||
But there was a look in his eyes. | ||
When they were reading, you know, when the guy was going over the rules and they were looking at each other, Mike Tyson was just chomping back and forth and just staring at him in the eyes. | ||
He cut a hole in a towel. | ||
It's like, fuck. | ||
When you hear that quote attributed to that walk-in and you think about that fight and what it must have been like to be Michael Spinks in the room with, at that moment, the most impressive heavyweight fighter in the history of the sport, in my opinion. | ||
Yeah, I agree with that. | ||
You've got to judge a guy on what he does to the tough fights when he's in his prime at his best. | ||
And Mike Tyson in his prime at his best would just run through dudes. | ||
Well, that's what I wonder. | ||
What do you think happens if he fights Ali at his prime? | ||
It's not a match, right? | ||
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I don't know. | |
I think he might get Ali. | ||
I think he just gets him in the first round. | ||
I think he'll get him. | ||
You know, Henry Cooper knocked down Ali and had him badly hurt. | ||
And Customato had, or no, rather, what the fuck's his name? | ||
The guy that just died. | ||
Bondini? | ||
Drew? | ||
Anthony. | ||
Jesus Christ. | ||
Oh, Bird Sugar? | ||
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
Who was Sugar Ray Leonard's trainer? | ||
Angelo Dundee. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Angelo Dundee cut his gloves so that they would have time to recover. | ||
He got back to the corner and they cheated. | ||
They cut his fucking gloves because he got knocked down by Henry Cooper. | ||
You know, Ali later as he got older got way better. | ||
But if they both had fought like when they were both the same age, when Tyson was 21 and Ali was 21, Tyson would have killed him. | ||
Yeah, or even like the Thrill of Manila or the Foreman one. | ||
You know, a lot of people don't want to think of Ali in the later years because he got battered and beaten up. | ||
And they're absolutely right. | ||
But even at his best, he still got caught. | ||
He got caught by something. | ||
He never fought anybody like Tyson. | ||
He never fought anybody like the Tyson that fought Marvis Frazier. | ||
Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
Do you remember how scary that was? | ||
Yes! | ||
It was like the Christians and the Lions. | ||
It was fucking crazy. | ||
No one's confusing Muhammad Ali with Marvis Frazier, but I'm saying some of those might have got through. | ||
And if some of those got through, that would have been the end. | ||
In my mind, Foreman would give him a fight. | ||
Fuck yeah, he would. | ||
Like, Foreman from Africa? | ||
Fuck yeah. | ||
Foreman from when we were kings? | ||
Foreman would fire back. | ||
With a heavy bag and shit? | ||
Well, you know, that's a good thing you could say about Ali as well, because Ali had an incredible chin. | ||
Ali could fucking take it. | ||
He could take it. | ||
But nobody ever hit him with the kind of combinations that Tyson was capable of throwing. | ||
Tyson threw ungodly things that had never existed in the heavyweight division before. | ||
Nobody had ever ripped the body to the head like the way he did, where he would throw that right hook to the body and then that right uppercut, and his whole body would torque. | ||
It's like the shark eating the dolphin thing, where it's just like... | ||
You know, there's a lot of boxing people who totally disagree with me and say, oh, it's so disrespectful to Muhammad Ali and he was the greatest. | ||
He was amazing. | ||
But I think things evolve and athletes evolve and you want to try to put them error to error and say, well, what if Muhammad Ali grew up during Tyson's era? | ||
Right. | ||
He would have been better. | ||
Muhammad Ali would have been better if he grew up in that generation. | ||
And that's not bullshit. | ||
Muhammad Ali was an amazing athlete, but he was an amazing athlete in the 1960s. | ||
If he was an amazing athlete in the year 2000, he'd be even fucking better. | ||
For sure. | ||
100%. | ||
But if you look at them as far as like it's just a window of time and compare if you could somehow or another get them in a room in the same physical state that they would all fit in their prime. | ||
The way guys are ripped now is completely different. | ||
Tyson was on another level, dude. | ||
He was on another level. | ||
He didn't sustain it, and he definitely imploded, and he went through. | ||
But when he was on, man, dudes would be terrified of him. | ||
Bruce Seldon went down to a miss. | ||
He hit him, and then Bruce Seldon winged a left hook on him, and he fucking stumbled at the ropes and fell. | ||
That might have been like some kung fu fear shit, where he just knew the end was coming. | ||
Do you do any... | ||
Because I read this book called 10 Minute Toughness, which this reminded me of. | ||
And it's a book about positive visualization. | ||
Just in whether it's... | ||
It's for athletes and... | ||
Because I asked an athlete friend of mine, like, do you do any sports psychology thing? | ||
Because I realized from stand-up, I was like, I have no... | ||
Not defense, but I have no... | ||
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I just go... | |
Basically, what happened was I would be in a bad mood and I'd be like, I'm going to bomb. | ||
And then I'd go and bomb. | ||
Sure enough. | ||
I could feel it. | ||
I could feel that I was going to bomb. | ||
I was like, you have to be able to overcome that. | ||
The feeling of like, I'm in a bad mood. | ||
And then, like, so I basically, it's a thing called 10 Minute Toughness. | ||
And it's basically just about positive visualization of said task. | ||
Whether it's batting, basketball. | ||
Yeah, no, someone said half run's really into it. | ||
But I found it's really helpful. | ||
And you also hear fighters, and you hear I know athletes who do it, and Pele used to lay down for a half an hour before every game and just visualize it. | ||
Michael Jordan, same thing. | ||
Tyra Wood, same thing. | ||
For sure that would help. | ||
Yeah, absolutely. | ||
100%. | ||
Any time you can equate that thing in your mind with you having success in it, it's going to improve your chances of having success. | ||
Yeah, and you do it in your head. | ||
So when you go and do it, you're basically just executing... | ||
I do jujitsu in the isolation tank. | ||
I do it all the time. | ||
I do it in my head. | ||
I go over techniques. | ||
I force myself to go over a whole series of techniques. | ||
So I'll just get into a state in the isolation tank and then I say, okay, let's break down some guard positions. | ||
And then I just go over guard positions in my head. | ||
And where's this arm? | ||
This arm is wrapping around the knee and pulling it down. | ||
Where's this hand? | ||
This hand is right here. | ||
And really try to sensation. | ||
And I go through the whole move. | ||
I go through the whole thing in my head. | ||
Because I know what it feels like to do it. | ||
I've done it all. | ||
So then I just go through all the moves in my head and I can practice. | ||
And they say that you practicing in that manner is actually sometimes better for you than the actual physical act of practicing. | ||
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Yeah. | |
As far as rate of improvement. | ||
It's really amazing. | ||
I know that's what's great about it. | ||
I don't even fuck around when I say this. | ||
I've gotten 25% better in three months. | ||
When you go back to the tank, do that. | ||
Visualize your shows in the tank. | ||
But you should never be thinking you're going to bomb. | ||
You should be thinking always that you're the luckiest fucking person ever because you're going to go get paid to talk. | ||
You're a professional comedian, which is craziness. | ||
the fact that somewhere or another you hit the lottery with choosing something, going after it, and then actually achieving success with it in the point of you actually get paid to do something that's fun, whereas the majority of the world gets paid to do something they don't want to do. | ||
That's why they get money. | ||
They get money because nobody wants to do it, or because if they do want to do it, they need to be compensated because it's not the ideal shit to be doing right now. | ||
Maybe it's good work, maybe you enjoy it, but if you had your choice, you might be fishing. | ||
Well, the guy who gets paid to go fishing, that guy won. | ||
That guy's true white trash. | ||
So you're driving to go fishing. | ||
You're getting paid. | ||
I agree. | ||
You've got a stink on you. | ||
You just have an emotional stink on you, and you're like, they're going to fucking smell it. | ||
And that's where I talked about that genius, the group, the collective unconscious thing, where it's like, they can just smell it. | ||
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That's also, I think, where you need love. | |
Neil Brennan? | ||
Neil Brennan, you and I have always been cool with each other. | ||
I know you have had disagreements with people, and I have had disagreements with people, but I think when we met each other way, way back in the day at Boston Comedy, we were always cool with each other. | ||
Because I realized, I'm like, oh, here's one of those dudes that people probably fucked with a lot. | ||
And he seems really smart, but he's worried that you might fuck with him. | ||
But he seems cool, so I'll just assure him that I'll never fuck with him, and I bet we'll get along nice. | ||
Yeah, that's true. | ||
I always felt like an amount of respect from you that wasn't commensurate with my position in life at that time. | ||
There are two guys that stick out. | ||
You and Jon Stewart. | ||
Jon Stewart's a very nice guy. | ||
That were very nice before that was a thing to be. | ||
That's how you know how pissed he was at that CNN bullshit when he went on and called these guys hacks and was angry and wasn't funny at all. | ||
You realize how nice that guy is. | ||
To get that guy to go and do something like that. | ||
I've done his show a couple times. | ||
He's like the nicest guy ever. | ||
He's so friendly. | ||
If he's really that pissed off at you or something... | ||
I've never thought that anybody is in any... | ||
I mean, there's no positions in life. | ||
I think that's nonsense. | ||
I don't buy it for a second, especially as a comedian. | ||
Why would I ever consider that anybody else would be... | ||
There are no positions. | ||
You've got to look at a guy who's got a shit job. | ||
He's cleaning bathroom toilets at a gas station. | ||
I don't know what happened to him, that he got stuck in this situation. | ||
I'm going to treat this guy entirely based on how he treats me. | ||
Yeah. | ||
If he comes out and he's got a fucking bucket in his hand and a broom and he's just cleaning toilets and I ask him, hey man, do you know where the highway is? | ||
And he goes, yeah, go double back there. | ||
I'm going to say thank you, my brother. | ||
Have a good day. | ||
I agree. | ||
That's the thing. | ||
It's like, what does this guy seem like? | ||
Seems like a good dude. | ||
So we're going to be good dudes to each other? | ||
And the thing that I like about you being living where you live, which is far away from LA, is I don't even like being around that sort of nexus of like... | ||
You will be treated a certain way and you will not be because you're not in movies. | ||
So you get a shittier parking space and you get a shittier social position. | ||
You're going to feel shitty this whole time. | ||
There is that, man. | ||
I remember I was over a buddy of mine's house. | ||
It was actually Brian Callen. | ||
Way back in the day, when Brian was a single man, and he had this girl that he had over his place, and she was just real cunty. | ||
I forget what it was, but Brian was supposed to come with me, but he was always making triple plans. | ||
Oh yeah, Cal, absolutely. | ||
So I'm like, come on, man. | ||
What are we going to do? | ||
Are we going to go out or are you going to go out with her? | ||
Just let me know now. | ||
And she's like, God. | ||
She goes, the way he acts, you would think he wasn't like the fifth lead on a sitcom. | ||
She goes, you're only like the fifth lead. | ||
Relax. | ||
And I'll never forget that. | ||
Absolutely, yeah. | ||
I was like, I didn't even know what number I was! | ||
I don't know what number! | ||
You know what number on the call sheet I am? | ||
She fucking said I was the fifth lead, because there was eight people on the sitcom. | ||
And maybe I guess my name came in five or six or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
She knew it. | ||
I'm like, come on. | ||
How do you know that? | ||
How crazy are you? | ||
I had a girl laugh at me. | ||
She goes, you write for Nickelodeon. | ||
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This is like in 1994. It's a good gig. | |
I was fucking excited to write for Nickelodeon. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
Any job in showbiz is fucking a good job, as far as I'm concerned. | ||
What show did you write for? | ||
All That. | ||
And Keenan and Kel. | ||
Being in that hive of showbiz. | ||
There's too many crazy people. | ||
And the wrong kind of crazy. | ||
I can't get anything out of that. | ||
And no one acts natural. | ||
Yes. | ||
I don't ever talk about it. | ||
It's like, I always say, standing next to a celebrity is like driving next to a cop. | ||
Right. | ||
You can't fucking, you can do a facsimile of what you think natural is, but everyone's acting fishy. | ||
Fucking everyone. | ||
So I just try to stay away from it. | ||
Smart, yeah. | ||
It's definitely smart. | ||
You're way better off outside the hive. | ||
The hive of this showbiz culture is just so oversaturated with insecurity and insanity. | ||
There's just too much nonsense and too much crazy people, too much need. | ||
I don't want to talk about the business. | ||
I don't want to talk about any of this. | ||
This is all boring shit. | ||
There's a crazy world out there and we're concentrating on some of the most mundane aspects of it. | ||
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Yeah. | |
Just because that's the latest obsession. | ||
And you also have to realize when you have a place like this that is essentially the vortex of all things where someone, all instances where people get appropriated. | ||
Imposterous amount of attention for no reason. | ||
It all comes from here. | ||
So all these people who watch all these different shows, the Housewives shows and this show, they gravitate towards here thinking somehow or another this is going to be the place where they get on TV. And there's people right now that are out of their fucking mind. | ||
They've been a goddamn nightmare to everyone they've ever met their entire life. | ||
And they're on a bus right now and they're headed over here because they're going to get fucking famous. | ||
They're going to get the get out of jail free card. | ||
They're going to get on a reality show. | ||
And guess what? | ||
They're going to get on a reality show. | ||
They will. | ||
They'll get on one. | ||
I have hosted one. | ||
I know how it works. | ||
I know how they cast. | ||
They find someone. | ||
If that guy can fucking form a sentence and he's energetic and he looks like he might be a fun... | ||
And he's a huge narcissist. | ||
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Yeah. | |
Huge narcissist. | ||
Perfect. | ||
He's like flexing in front of the mirror. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He shaves his socks. | ||
You know? | ||
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Fuck. | |
Whatever. | ||
Where his socks go? | ||
Look, I think any crazy person right now could come here and come here just to try to get famous. | ||
And that's not a good place to live. | ||
It's not a good place to live where the big percentage of people come here to get famous. | ||
That's unhealthy. | ||
Yeah, I just try to ignore it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And try to... | ||
But you're in the hive, right? | ||
Aren't you in the hive? | ||
I live in Venice. | ||
Yeah, that's the hive, son. | ||
But not really. | ||
That's the hippie hive. | ||
Yeah, not compared to Hollywood. | ||
You have a lot of annoying people live in Venice. | ||
Yeah, I agree. | ||
It's a different kind of annoying, though. | ||
Yeah, it's different. | ||
It's a hippie annoying, which I find forgivable. | ||
Yes. | ||
For the most part. | ||
And also, I'm in my hive. | ||
It's like I drive there. | ||
Topanga Canyon is a lot like that, too, right? | ||
There's a lot of hippie. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Topanga is very hippie. | ||
Yeah, God bless them. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, I'm not really down with that. | ||
They annoy me. | ||
For the most part. | ||
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Yeah. | |
Hippies. | ||
Yeah, we've talked about this. | ||
But you're friends with most hippies that I ever met. | ||
Oh yeah, I'm friends with a lot of hippies. | ||
But there's a lot of hippies that I don't like. | ||
I became an anti-hippie person when I lived in Boulder. | ||
And then I had to experience hippies on a daily basis. | ||
Well, you're being vegan. | ||
There's a lot of weakness. | ||
There's a lot of weakness and illogical thinking. | ||
And I've had some conversations with hippies that were quasi-debates about shit, and they go south real quick. | ||
There's not a lot of logic behind the real sloppy, lazy hippie. | ||
You ever hear the people that Peter Schiff always debates at Occupy Wall Street? | ||
He goes down there and talks to the sloppy hippies. | ||
Because they don't really have coherent senses. | ||
And it's really, he's battering them around. | ||
It's Mike Tyson sparring one of us. | ||
It's not fair. | ||
And those motherfuckers, there's too many of those. | ||
There's too many sloppy hippies who don't really have a good handle on how complex different social issues are. | ||
And they will, why should you have all the money, man? | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
Why should you? | ||
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Why do you need $500 million, man? | |
Why do you need that, man? | ||
And he just eviscerates him. | ||
Peter Schiff just explains. | ||
You said that like the fourth lead on a sitcom. | ||
Not the fifth. | ||
That was a fucking upgrade. | ||
Well, you know what? | ||
I haven't acted in years, but I do get in the tank and think about it. | ||
Yeah, there's a lot of sloppy hippies. | ||
Sloppy thinking, man. | ||
Yeah, well that's what I like about your point of view is that it's humane and masculine. | ||
I don't find it as like people go like, fucking, you're a frat boy. | ||
Nope, it's not that easy. | ||
Not a frat boy. | ||
You fucking jock? | ||
No, not that simple. | ||
I don't even know the rules to football. | ||
How about that? | ||
I don't even know what's going on. | ||
I think people get in trouble and the whistles blow and shit. | ||
I'm like, whoa, what happened? | ||
Who did what? | ||
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Yeah. | |
I don't know. | ||
I don't know what a point is. | ||
Why are some things more points? | ||
Sometimes they run across the line at a certain point, but if it goes through the net, it's a different point, right? | ||
If it goes through the goals, guess what? | ||
I don't give a fuck. | ||
You like fighting. | ||
Yeah, that's the only thing. | ||
Well, that and professional pool. | ||
Oh, is that true? | ||
Boring as fuck, yeah. | ||
I like professional basketball. | ||
Do you? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Do you play basketball? | ||
I used to. | ||
And I just like, it's a fun... | ||
Yeah, it's a very fast-paced game. | ||
It's fast-paced, a lot of dudes. | ||
There's a rhythm to it. | ||
There's a lot of art to it. | ||
I love dudes nailing shit. | ||
I love a dude who fades back for a fucking three-point jump shot that just is all net. | ||
I love excellence in any form. | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
But it doesn't mean anything to me when that ball goes in the net. | ||
I know it's really hard to do though. | ||
So when I watch it, it's pretty badass. | ||
But it doesn't sustain me very long. | ||
What's funny is when you see, like you watch TV and then you're around the people and you just go, oh! | ||
When you go, you're sitting near the court or whatever and you're just like, Oh, I understand why they're paid $20 million. | ||
Because this is fucking weird. | ||
They're weird to begin with, and then they figured out this weird skill. | ||
I would assume MMA is like that. | ||
Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
Where you see a guy fight, and you're like, meh. | ||
And then you see him, and you're like, alright. | ||
What do you mean? | ||
If you see a guy fight on tape... | ||
And then you kind of think one thing and then you see them fight live and you're like, okay. | ||
I might be the only person that has seen more people fight live than seeing people fight TV. I thought that as I was saying it. | ||
Do you not do a lot of prep? | ||
Well, I do. | ||
My prep really is what I would be doing anyway. | ||
I'm such a fanatic about MMA that I don't have to do any extra shit. | ||
I ask them for shit. | ||
The UFC will get me shit all the time. | ||
They'll say, hey, I need some video on Hennon Burrell or something like that. | ||
I want to watch the videos. | ||
They'll send me some shit. | ||
I'm constantly being fed stuff just out of my own curiosity. | ||
I missed one of his fights in WEC. Can you send me Miguel Torres when he fought Brian Bowles? | ||
By doing that, that's natural for me. | ||
I want to see those. | ||
I'm always breaking down fights in my head as far as fights that went on in the past. | ||
Are you good at predicting shit? | ||
I never really predict. | ||
But not predicting. | ||
It'd have to be pretty over the top for me to predict. | ||
Not predict, but I'm saying are you surprised by most outcomes? | ||
I'm surprised often. | ||
I don't think I could ever guess better than 50-50. | ||
I've never really thought about it. | ||
I try to be as objective as possible. | ||
I'm trying to couch the Tyson-Forman-Ali comparison. | ||
I don't make that ultimate decision. | ||
I try to be as objective as possible. | ||
And it's because I'm not betting. | ||
I don't have to make that ultimate decision. | ||
So what I do is I sit down and I go... | ||
Man, if Vitor gets him, Vitor's got some fast fucking hands, if Vitor comes out guns blazing, he might catch him. | ||
And then I go, but what if Vanderlei can get this motherfucker into the second round? | ||
And what if he starts landing some leg kicks? | ||
What if he can keep his hands up high and avoid the flurry and somehow or another wear Vitor out? | ||
What if he turns it into a dogfight? | ||
I don't know what's going to happen. | ||
I never say, this is going to happen. | ||
I only say, this guy should probably be aware of this, and that guy should probably be aware of that, and let's fucking see. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Crazy fucking sport. | ||
The human jaw was never designed to be punched. | ||
It was just designed to chew food. | ||
That's it. | ||
And when you start punching that motherfucker, and when you punch heads, heads were designed to take a certain amount of impact for the lumps and bumps that you're going to get going through life, but it's not designed to take one, two, three combinations with a fucking shin kick at the end of them. | ||
Nobody takes that. | ||
Your brain's like, what the fuck is happening? | ||
What are we hitting an asteroid field? | ||
What's going on here? | ||
Your body's just not designed for fighting. | ||
It's so weak. | ||
Especially in comparison to other animals, man. | ||
Are a lot of those guys getting concussed in long-term brain damage? | ||
Well, there are guys for sure that are going to have some issues. | ||
With what they call pugilistic dementia, depending upon when they retire. | ||
You followed all the football guys? | ||
Yes, it's scary. | ||
I think the sport will be different in five years. | ||
How would they change it, though? | ||
I think that they will go... | ||
Someone pointed out, just put the fucking... | ||
You know the helmets that soccer players wear now? | ||
No. | ||
They're not helmets. | ||
They're almost like... | ||
Not fleeces. | ||
Soccer players wear helmets now? | ||
There's a soccer goalie I saw yesterday wearing one. | ||
And little kids wear them too. | ||
Because kids are getting concussions from playing soccer. | ||
Yes. | ||
They're getting traumatic brain injuries from soccer. | ||
Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. | ||
That's happening. | ||
So I saw a goalie in a match yesterday wearing one of those things. | ||
And I think that that's what football will come to. | ||
Wow. | ||
How is that going to stop the traumatic brain injuries? | ||
Because if you're not wearing a helmet, you're not going to go head first into a guy. | ||
So they won't be wearing helmets? | ||
They'll be wearing, in my head, they're wearing like soft, like whatever the, I don't know what the fuck they're called. | ||
They're like soft helmets. | ||
Meaning when guys were leather, like the leather head guys, they weren't, it wasn't as violent because they're protecting their heads. | ||
I completely agree with you. | ||
I completely agree with you in theory. | ||
But people are so stupid, I don't think you can sell that. | ||
Right, but what I'm worried about is the legal ramifications for sports. | ||
Well, that's one of the reasons why they probably couldn't sell it. | ||
You can never sell, hey, the way to protect people is to give them less protection. | ||
I think that when football players are now just suing the NFL en masse, I think that it's going to be a legal problem. | ||
And I think the NCAA is going to have the same problem. | ||
I think every level of football is going to have it. | ||
They get fucked up down there, too? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, they do, right? | ||
Guys getting not diagnosed, guys getting put back in games they can't remember. | ||
I didn't even think about college ball. | ||
I didn't even think about it. | ||
And high school. | ||
By the time they get to the pros, they probably already experienced a gang of concussions. | ||
All of them. | ||
And high school as well. | ||
And so that's the thing. | ||
They're not going to be able to insure this shit if there's enough lawsuits. | ||
That's funny. | ||
Because for the few minutes of that conversation, I didn't even consider the fact that they had gone through college careers as well. | ||
I just, for whatever reason, thought of them as professional athletes. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I wasn't even thinking, no, these guys, this is an organized sport. | ||
This isn't like MMA. They actually have to go through a high school career and then a college career. | ||
Yes. | ||
Think about all the impacts. | ||
That's all so violent. | ||
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Woo! | |
Yeah. | ||
And just hope you can get enough out of your body that you can make enough money that you can squirrel away and live semi-comfortably in pain for the rest of your life when it's over. | ||
Yes. | ||
And that's the thing. | ||
A former athlete, it's like, you want to talk about needing a farm. | ||
I always do a joke with a buddy of mine who, like, if you lose... | ||
Like, whenever I see a former athlete, I always feel like they should be... | ||
With a girl, they should be saying to the girl, like, you should have been here eight years ago. | ||
Shit was really popping off them, but now they're just limping and fucking... | ||
They're not famous. | ||
They're hunched over. | ||
Their bodies are fucking shot. | ||
Yeah, you can get hurt playing football, man. | ||
That's a way more brutal sport on your body, in my opinion, than MMA. MMA is pretty rough. | ||
Don't get me wrong. | ||
I mean, it's not working in an office. | ||
No, but MMA ain't fucking 48 minutes or however long. | ||
Well, more importantly, it's not dudes running at you. | ||
Full speed, yeah. | ||
And then lunging their rock. | ||
Yeah, and they have special shoes. | ||
Launching themselves at you. | ||
Special shoes so they can dig into the dirt better. | ||
Yeah! | ||
Come on, man. | ||
And they're on every goddamn Mexican supplement known to man. | ||
I mean, these motherfuckers, when they say that they test the NFL, yeah, they test if you talk shit and you get in an argument with somebody, they'll fucking pull your piss out and pull your card. | ||
You think those guys aren't on the juice? | ||
You gotta be out of your mind. | ||
There's no way humans are that big. | ||
If they are, we need to find out what the fuck they're putting in burgers. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Why have humans grown so much over the past few years? | ||
And not lost any speed. | ||
Over the past few decades. | ||
Yes! | ||
Not lost any speed! | ||
They're just as fast. | ||
Well, for sure there's better methods as far as training. | ||
They're more scientific. | ||
Yeah, but they're not that much. | ||
I mean, that's the thing. | ||
You can't be fucking 6'10". | ||
Did you ever see Bob Sapp? | ||
No. | ||
You've never seen Bob Sapp? | ||
Who is he? | ||
Bob Sapp is the ultimate MMA experiment. | ||
He was a football player, a pro football player, who became the ultimate MMA experiment in that how much can you do? | ||
How much shit can you do? | ||
How big can you get? | ||
Would that overcome technique and skill? | ||
And the answer in a lot of cases was in the beginning, it was yes. | ||
He just knocked his out? | ||
He actually, he knocked, he beat Ernesto Hust twice. | ||
Ernesto Hust is his world famous kickboxer. | ||
Right. | ||
Bob Sapp is... | ||
370 pounds with six-pack of abs. | ||
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Right. | |
And a body that doesn't even look real. | ||
Just doesn't look real. | ||
And he throws punches and kicks like a guy. | ||
Just runs at a guy. | ||
But it's coordinated. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I mean, fairly coordinated. | ||
He was clearly many, many skill levels below Ernesto Hust. | ||
But Ernesto Hust just couldn't deal with the physical power of his onslaught. | ||
It was just too big. | ||
It was a 370-pound man. | ||
Those didn't exist before! | ||
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They didn't exist! | |
You can't get a guy that big! | ||
If you see him, I'm going to pull it up because you just can't believe it. | ||
You won't believe that that's a real human being. | ||
You won't believe it. | ||
Yeah, so I'm of the mind that it's going to... | ||
It's going to... | ||
You know those cryo chambers now? | ||
Oh yeah, yeah. | ||
I know dudes that, like the couple NBA guys, the Suns actually just bought one. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Hyperbaric chamber. | ||
No, I don't think that's what it is. | ||
It's a cryogenic chamber. | ||
unidentified
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What? | |
For what? | ||
Guys will freeze... | ||
Kobe does it. | ||
Dirk does it. | ||
The Suns just bought one. | ||
My buddy Blake Griffin does it. | ||
And he sent me a video. | ||
You get naked in a... | ||
Basically looks like just a chamber from Austin Powers. | ||
unidentified
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Come here real quick. | |
Come here and look at this because you can't believe this shit. | ||
He frees yourself? | ||
You can't believe that that's what he looks like when he fights guys. | ||
That's real. | ||
Look at that picture. | ||
That's real. | ||
That's real. | ||
That's like 6'4", 370 pounds, and he's fighting some poor kickboxer. | ||
Some poor dude is slinging gloves with that guy. | ||
And that's what he does. | ||
He gets on top of him, holds him down, and smashes him. | ||
It's fucking insane. | ||
Yeah, he did that to Ernesto Hoost. | ||
I mean, you look at that image and you go, how is a human being that big? | ||
They've never existed that big before. | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
So, you get into a chamber. | ||
It's negative 300 degrees. | ||
Whoa! | ||
For how long? | ||
For, like, 30-second spurts for, like, two minutes. | ||
30 seconds? | ||
Yeah. | ||
I don't know if it's 30 seconds. | ||
I could be dead wrong. | ||
Jesus Christ! | ||
And what happens is all of your blood... | ||
Your body thinks you're just freezing to death, so all of your blood goes to your core and gets replenished in what would normally take 24 hours. | ||
Whoa. | ||
So, basically, you can work out twice. | ||
You can do two four-hour workouts. | ||
Full four-hour, like, rejuvenates your body. | ||
I've never heard of this before. | ||
unidentified
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Cryogenic chamber. | |
Do cryotherapy. | ||
Kobe Bryant. | ||
There's one in Hancock Park. | ||
The guy has one. | ||
And the NBA teams are starting to use them. | ||
Well, you know, anything that can increase your recovery is where it's at. | ||
Wow, freezes his body. | ||
A negative 166 degree chirotherapy. | ||
That's what I'm saying? | ||
Cryotherapy. | ||
Cryotherapy. | ||
Wow, yeah, first article about it. | ||
What the fuck, man? | ||
Yeah, and you just... | ||
It's like... | ||
It's fucking bananas. | ||
Bananas. | ||
Wow. | ||
This is nuts, man. | ||
Let's see how long it says... | ||
They got recovery boots, which is something that they wear if they have... | ||
It basically is like the thing that when you get your heart rate checked, when they blow it up, it inflates and tightens your muscles... | ||
The guys in the NBA wear those at night for a couple hours, and it just goes through their life. | ||
They're just machines. | ||
That's the thing. | ||
They just treat themselves like machines. | ||
Yeah, they have to be. | ||
Okay, all the Lakers are going on this thing. | ||
They went to Sacramento to go on this thing. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Wow. | ||
Jesus. | ||
Hold on, I have a video of it. | ||
Do you really? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Not a lot. | ||
What if that shit breaks and that's how you... | ||
Some guy... | ||
I heard some guy froze his socks to his feet, but that sounds like... | ||
That sounds made up, doesn't it? | ||
I want to know how long it goes for. | ||
Oh, like if you had sweaty feet and you went in there. | ||
Oh, you crazy bitch. | ||
Could you imagine? | ||
You crazy motherfucker. | ||
200 degrees below zero, where they were kept there for three minutes before being released. | ||
unidentified
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What? | |
Three minutes? | ||
How's that possible? | ||
Because they don't do it straight through. | ||
I don't understand that. | ||
They do it in spurts so that you don't fucking freeze. | ||
Lakers were split into groups of four and placed into a room that was approximately 60 degrees below Fahrenheit for one minute. | ||
Okay, so they went to a 60-degree-below-zero room for one minute. | ||
Just to chill. | ||
Just to chill. | ||
Where the temperature was approximately 200 degrees below zero. | ||
Where they were kept there for three minutes before being released. | ||
Jesus fucking Christ! | ||
I would not want to do that. | ||
How is that possible? | ||
Alright, here's Blake. | ||
Oh my god! | ||
If you hit play. | ||
So if you tried to pee right after that, would your shit be like slushy? | ||
Who is this gentleman? | ||
That's Blake Griffin from the Los Angeles Clippers. | ||
Oh my god, he's freezing his dick off, literally. | ||
Look at that. | ||
Can you insulate your dick? | ||
How's that work? | ||
I don't think you can. | ||
Grease it up? | ||
Yeah, maybe you can grease it up. | ||
I'm just worried about it cracking. | ||
You need to put motor oil on it? | ||
I'm worried about it cracking, like if someone hits you and it just shattered and they couldn't repair your dick. | ||
Yeah. | ||
No, but you see when it hits, he goes like, whoo! | ||
Yeah, that looks horrendous. | ||
It looks like some Austin Powers shit. | ||
It looks horrendous. | ||
And I guess they don't do it to the brain, though, huh? | ||
Yeah, I guess keep your head the fuck out. | ||
Yeah, it keeps the body under that thing, but they don't do it to the brain. | ||
And I think that might be the key to your survival. | ||
That's how you're getting through that. | ||
This is crazy too. | ||
Because you could probably go for that long without much oxygen. | ||
You're not going to be doing too much breathing while you're at 200 degrees below zero. | ||
That's the thing about cold water that fucks people up too. | ||
Your desire for oxygen increases dramatically. | ||
And your ability to hold air in your lungs reduces dramatically. | ||
And these are the recovery boots. | ||
And he's 6'10". | ||
They look like fucking... | ||
I don't even know how to describe those. | ||
I've seen those before. | ||
Ryan Parsons turned me on to that shit. | ||
It's like compressing. | ||
Yeah, it compresses sections of your leg. | ||
Yeah, I've seen that before. | ||
It looks like a fucking ski bag. | ||
Yeah, these guys are athletes on a completely different level these days. | ||
And what happens if they come up with genetic engineering, man? | ||
That's when things are really going to get bizarre. | ||
When they have the ability to engineer the body to make it faster with myostatin inhibitors, make it so that your body produces more muscle and keeps on you and your body oxygenates better. | ||
Yeah, actually the thought where when I was talking to Jose Canseco, I was on the podcast, The Champs. | ||
Yeah, how was that? | ||
You said he was interesting. | ||
It was great. | ||
He was really interesting. | ||
It just went up. | ||
iTunes, the champs. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I had the thought afterward that they should have done a thing in the MLB where you could have a designated juicer where there was one guy on your team that you could bring in who was on fucking roids like that. | ||
because he was saying that he used to knock pettit up and they were both juiced up oh so it's like it'd be like and here comes the fucking the yankees juicer like if they if there was a guy on every team you have one juicer When I was 19, I met Ken Seiko when I was working at the Boston Athletic Club. | ||
I didn't meet him as much as I gazed upon his presence in person. | ||
He was at the peak of his popularity. | ||
He walked into the weight room at the Boston Athletic Club. | ||
I couldn't fucking believe how big he was. | ||
He was fucking enormous, man. | ||
He's just... | ||
Cartoonish. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Car-fucking-tunish. | ||
You don't realize it when you see him in those baseball outfits. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Because those outfits are kind of emasculating. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But if you saw that dude with a tank top on, you'd go, what the fuck? | ||
You'd be like, what am I... Yeah, what am I... How am I... Yeah. | ||
He's enormous. | ||
But yeah, that's the... | ||
unidentified
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These... | |
Yeah, just they fucking... | ||
Once they get into that... | ||
Because this is... | ||
That's genetic. | ||
That's all legal. | ||
You're just freezing. | ||
But they're gonna... | ||
It's gonna get... | ||
More and more and more, and it's going to still remain legal. | ||
Right. | ||
Yeah, it is going to get more and more. | ||
Did you see that thing now where they said if you run differently, you can cut your training time down, where if you run in 30-second sprints? | ||
Did you see that? | ||
It was in the New York Times, and then a guy just wrote a book about it. | ||
You can burn the same amount of calories and get your metabolism going and get your heart rate going in basically six minutes, what would normally take 20 minutes. | ||
If you sprint for 30 seconds, jog for 30. Sprint, jog, sprint, jog, sprint, jog, sprint, jog, and you're done. | ||
Really? | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
Getting your heart rate up is the big thing, right? | ||
It was in the Times probably six weeks ago. | ||
So you sprint full clip? | ||
Yeah. | ||
So do you do this on a treadmill or do you do this on a track? | ||
You can do it either. | ||
I mean, I think treadmill would be better. | ||
I guess you could probably do it on an elliptical machine too, right? | ||
Just go crazy for 30 seconds and then jog. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That is great because it fucking saved time. | ||
Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
Like you were saying about kettlebells, you can bang out a workout and get it done. | ||
In 20 minutes, you're done. | ||
I got a video, man, and it's an Extreme Kettlebell Cardio DVD. I got it from dragondoor.com. | ||
And when you do this thing, it's maybe... | ||
I can get 45 minutes into this and I'm fucking dead. | ||
I'm done, man. | ||
unidentified
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I'm done. | |
Yeah, and you're in great shape. | ||
I'm wrecked for days. | ||
It's kettlebells, push-ups, burpees, more kettlebell. | ||
But if you tell somebody, they go, how long is your workout? | ||
Like 45 minutes max. | ||
That's all I can do. | ||
They're like, that's all you can do? | ||
He goes to the gym for fucking two hours. | ||
Did my lats, did the, yeah. | ||
But you also don't even know what... | ||
You ever do the thing with kettlebells where you're like, why is that sore? | ||
I didn't even fucking do anything. | ||
And your lower thigh will be sore. | ||
And you're just like, I guess I did something. | ||
It makes it use. | ||
Turkish get-ups, you ever do those? | ||
Is that the one that looks really stupid? | ||
No, you lie on your back and you do like a press. | ||
I think that's the one where you go and then you like slowly stand up. | ||
It looks stupid as fuck. | ||
Oh, it's the best thing ever. | ||
No, it looks really hard, but you just lay on your back with a weight and then you just slowly stand up. | ||
Let me tell you something, dude. | ||
Do that with 70 pounds. | ||
Hold 70 pounds up and slowly stand up and do it in a controlled manner and do it for like sets of 10. Woo doggy, Jed! | ||
Woo doggy! | ||
I'm not doing that. | ||
Your body be on fire. | ||
Your lower back and your abs and everything. | ||
Your arm, your shoulder, everything's on fire. | ||
Have you been doing kettlebells or did Ferris get you on them? | ||
No, I've been doing them for years. | ||
I've been doing them for a long time. | ||
I got into them like my friend Jamie was a personal trainer and he was real big on these fucking things. | ||
I'd never even heard of him before. | ||
We started just doing swings. | ||
Just kettlebell swings are amazing. | ||
That's what's great for your ass. | ||
That's what took my ass from a 3.5 to a 7. How many do you do? | ||
What do you do? | ||
unidentified
|
How do you do it? | |
Fucking three sets of 60. Oh, you do lightweight and just do a lot of them? | ||
Do you ever do bodyweight squats? | ||
No, but I am only 150 pounds, so if I do 30 pounds, it's not lightweight. | ||
It's like something. | ||
If you're doing reps of 60, that's a lot. | ||
And that's not even necessary. | ||
Bodyweight squats. | ||
They're amazing, man. | ||
They're called Hindu squats. | ||
If you look at it online, just Google Hindu squats on YouTube. | ||
It's just full bodyweight. | ||
You drop down and your heels come off the ground and you're on the tip of your toes and your ass and your ankles collide and then you stand all the way up. | ||
So you drop all the way down and all the way up. | ||
If you watch it online, you can see there's a lot of... | ||
videos that'll show you the correct way to do it it's real simple but once you understand the movement then it's all about just doing massive numbers of them trying to get as how many what's it i do a set of 200 it took a long time to get there though i started it would be 100 and i would have to stop i could do 200 before but i had to take like a break but now i can do 200 straight 200's hard, but I'm doing 210 now. | ||
That's my next thing. | ||
I want to do 210. I want to build up to 500. That's what I want to eventually do. | ||
Yeah, but I think that's possible. | ||
I think it's a good demonstration of willpower, too. | ||
It's a good exercise for me. | ||
Because I like to disassociate when I'm doing repetitive exercise things that can cause you to second-guess yourself. | ||
Right. | ||
About the exercise? | ||
Yeah, about the exercise. | ||
About quitting. | ||
Intense, physical. | ||
I mean, nobody's in my room. | ||
Nobody's screaming at me. | ||
I don't have a drill sergeant. | ||
It's just me. | ||
So the way I motivate myself is I make myself do shit where I have to silence that voice of quitting where there's no getting through it unless we do 400. That's what we're doing. | ||
There's nothing. | ||
Just concentrate on the number and keep going. | ||
There is no quitting. | ||
It doesn't exist. | ||
And as long as I never quit when I'm doing that, then that is just my modus operandi. | ||
That's how I operate. | ||
And I do it as like an exercise of not thinking about negative shit. | ||
Yeah? | ||
Just, I know now, if I smoke one cigarette, I'm gonna smoke 10,000. | ||
So I just gotta stop. | ||
How long did you smoke for? | ||
10 years. | ||
I was just like, I'm never smoking. | ||
I just made the decision, I'm never smoking again. | ||
How much better did you feel when you stopped? | ||
It was 10 years ago, so I don't even remember. | ||
But yeah, you feel way better. | ||
More energy, more everything. | ||
And you just go like, okay, I'm not going to smoke again. | ||
Somebody talk to poor Brian. | ||
Poor Brian. | ||
Someone's got to tell him to quit smoking. | ||
You smoking? | ||
Just decide not to, man. | ||
You're right. | ||
He won't listen to you. | ||
He doesn't care. | ||
He's positive. | ||
He's never getting cancer. | ||
There's no worries. | ||
I use it for my voice. | ||
Keeps him sexy. | ||
Does it keep you sexy? | ||
My voice, yeah. | ||
And actually, I use it for meals. | ||
Like today, I'm not even going to have a chance to eat today. | ||
That's a good move. | ||
That's for sure healthy. | ||
Now that I agree with. | ||
You won't even be able to fight off the cancer. | ||
That's something I can get behind. | ||
Your body's not even going to be healthy enough to fight off the cancer because you use it as a dietary aid. | ||
I gotta take a leak. | ||
I gotta take the king of all leaks. | ||
Alright, go ahead. | ||
And we'll talk about you where you're going. | ||
Go ahead. | ||
And we'll wrap this shit up as soon as you get back. | ||
Because we've been doing it for like two and a half hours, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
We have a nice house show. | ||
Oh yeah, we're in Pasadena in a couple hours if you're around. | ||
If you're not crazy or a stalker. | ||
Can't wait to see Tom Segura again. | ||
I haven't seen him in a while. | ||
Tom Segura's a shit. | ||
He's a great guy. | ||
Fort Lauderdale, this weekend. | ||
Saturday night is essentially sold out. | ||
I think there was a few tickets left for the early show, but those might be gone. | ||
And the Friday show has some tickets left, and the Sunday show has some tickets left. | ||
But they're going fast. | ||
It should be a good time, too. | ||
I'm with Duncan, and Duncan's been in the fucking groove. | ||
I took him with me to the Louisville Improv and it was amazing. | ||
First of all, he was getting like standing ovations going on stage. | ||
Is he doing hobo? | ||
Which is crazy. | ||
He didn't do the little hobo once. | ||
He crushed it though. | ||
He's got a lot of new material too. | ||
Duncan is just, he's so fun to be with. | ||
He's so prolific too. | ||
He's going to be a great comedian now. | ||
I mean, he's already a great comedian, but I mean, I think he's going to be like a great national headliner. | ||
Until he meets that next girl. | ||
You think that's going to get him? | ||
You think that's going to get him? | ||
No. | ||
He has a poster for sale. | ||
Go to his website and buy it. | ||
It's awesome. | ||
I have one in the studio. | ||
DuncanTrestle.com. | ||
T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. And there's still some tickets available for next Friday's Late Show. | ||
At the Tabernacle in Atlanta. | ||
I got two shows. | ||
I'm filling my special. | ||
I'm fucking fired up. | ||
unidentified
|
Who's all going? | |
And that's April 20th. | ||
Joey, Diaz, Duncan, Trussell. | ||
Are you going? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Okay. | ||
Did they get you your tickets and everything already? | ||
You're all set? | ||
Yeah. | ||
And Mike Maxwell actually made a poster, and he's going as well. | ||
And you could buy that poster, I think, on Max... | ||
What is it? | ||
MikeMaxwellArt.com? | ||
MikeMaxwellArt.com, I think. | ||
Yeah, you can find him on Twitter. | ||
Yeah, he'll be there tonight, too. | ||
I'm going to sign some pictures. | ||
Are we doing dates right now? | ||
Yeah, Mike Maxwell Art on Twitter. | ||
You can find the link to his website and on his website you can find the link to the poster. | ||
It looks dope. | ||
He's a killer artist. | ||
He did my poster for the Chicago show. | ||
I think he still has a few of those available too. | ||
He's amazing. | ||
Great art and a great guy. | ||
Really fun guy to hang out with. | ||
So I'm psyched that he's going to be there in Atlanta. | ||
Good vibes! | ||
Can I say my thing? | ||
Me and Joey Diaz are coming to Columbus, Ohio. | ||
The first show sold out so they added a second show May 17th. | ||
You're in the Woodlands? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Great. | ||
It's a good room. | ||
It's a good room, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
May 18th, I think we're in Cleveland and May 19th, Pittsburgh. | ||
The tickets are at DeathSquad.tv. | ||
Now, what is the Woodlands? | ||
What is that? | ||
It's this kid. | ||
It's like just a bar, but it's got a good room for stand-up. | ||
Yeah, it's got a pretty decent room for stand-up. | ||
Good showroom for stand-up, yeah. | ||
It's like a Doug Stanhope room. | ||
That kind of place. | ||
And they're doing a lot of comedy there? | ||
Yeah, I think so. | ||
Yeah, it's good. | ||
Dylan Shelton books it. | ||
And he does good shows. | ||
Columbus has a bit of a comedy scene, right? | ||
Mostly because of the punchline. | ||
Mostly because people want to die there and they just want to laugh. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
Is it that bad? | ||
If you were to go... | ||
I know. | ||
Columbus isn't... | ||
Dude, Columbus... | ||
I was just in Ohio. | ||
I was in Cincinnati. | ||
That shit was pretty grim. | ||
Yeah, Cincinnati was grim. | ||
And Chappelle lives in Ohio. | ||
He was so bored that he's like, dude, why don't you return your rental car so I can drive you from Cincinnati to Cleveland? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I was like, that's alright, man. | ||
Why does he live there? | ||
Because his family's there. | ||
It's a nice place for families. | ||
Yeah, it's like raising kids is a good place. | ||
Not a good place for you, though. | ||
I just don't like wet the weather. | ||
But if you were to go there, Joe... | ||
You like dating way over your head. | ||
It's just really difficult to do there. | ||
Yeah, you can't do that. | ||
Nobody's in good shape. | ||
They're all in bad shape. | ||
There's a few of them. | ||
I mean, they got boyfriends. | ||
They all come to the show and they're locked up. | ||
You know, guys, since we're talking about dates... | ||
What, Neil Brennan? | ||
Are you performing tomorrow? | ||
Tomorrow, April 12th through 14th, I'm going to be in Bloomington, Indiana. | ||
The Comedy Attic. | ||
We'd love to see it. | ||
The Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana. | ||
Is there a website for this joint? | ||
ComedyAttic.com. | ||
ComedyAttic? | ||
Attic. | ||
A-T-T-I-C. Oh, Attic. | ||
Yeah, ComedyAttic. | ||
ComedyAttic.com. | ||
April, but it doesn't end there. | ||
April 19th through 21st. | ||
That's next week. | ||
I'm going to be at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey. | ||
Wow. | ||
Guys, with Vinnie Brand, 19th through 21st. | ||
Great room. | ||
Great club. | ||
Charlotte, May 3rd through 5th. | ||
The Comedy Zone in Charlotte. | ||
Don't you have a website, motherfucker? | ||
Just give out the website. | ||
What? | ||
NeilBrennan.com. | ||
I'm coming to La Jolla, Denver, Charlotte. | ||
He's going to lead off his whole goddamn thing. | ||
Well, you guys fucking... | ||
If he kept going, he would have... | ||
Fuck you guys! | ||
Fuck you, Joe Rogan! | ||
We let him keep going. | ||
We'd be here for days. | ||
You were talking about your posters. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, MacMaxwellArt.com. | |
Anything else? | ||
Seriously? | ||
Mm-mm. | ||
NealBrennan.com? | ||
DenverLaJoya. | ||
Yeah, NealBrennan.com. | ||
And follow me on Twitter. | ||
You're doing the Comedy Store in La Jolla? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Fabulous room. | ||
One of the best. | ||
One of my favorite rooms. | ||
Maybe my favorite room in the world. | ||
It might be. | ||
It might be one of the best rooms ever. | ||
I really want to record an album there because it feels like 1978 there. | ||
It does. | ||
Nick DiPaolo recorded his album there. | ||
Did he really? | ||
Yeah, it's great. | ||
His first one, I believe, he recorded it there. | ||
It's great. | ||
Fucking the acoustics are perfect. | ||
Yeah, it's easy, too. | ||
But it's easy, but it doesn't feel cheap. | ||
It feels like we're just in a good mood. | ||
You didn't know Fred. | ||
You never met Fred, who, I think Fred's dead, who used to run that place. | ||
They fired him, some, I don't know, some accounting discrepancy or something. | ||
But he was great. | ||
He was a comedian, and he ran the place, and he developed a lot of local comedians were coming there too. | ||
They had a nice local scene. | ||
I think they still do. | ||
Yeah, I think they do. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's probably one of the few local scenes in San Diego. | ||
There's another club, a new club. | ||
They just opened one. | ||
Yeah, what is it? | ||
The American Comedy Company or something? | ||
Is that what it is? | ||
I think that's what it is. | ||
I heard good things. | ||
Yeah, I haven't heard anything. | ||
Dude, San Diego's needed a real comedy club for a while. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Every time I go, I do like House of Blues or something like that. | ||
San Diego? | ||
Yeah. | ||
I like the comedy store. | ||
It's a good room. | ||
No, it's a great room, but it's not in San Diego. | ||
unidentified
|
It's close enough, but you know what I mean. | |
But, you know, the problem is it's the comedy store and I can't work there. | ||
Sure you can. | ||
You fucked up. | ||
You fucked up, Rogan. | ||
You fucked up. | ||
Sure you can. | ||
I'm here to tell you you still can't work there. | ||
I probably could if I wanted to, but I can't work there. | ||
I tell you what, I think we should just get drunk and then one night just pop in there out of the blue. | ||
What, do you want to go to jail? | ||
Jump on the OR. Do you want to go to jail? | ||
They will let you in. | ||
Yeah, I don't think so. | ||
Yeah, it will. | ||
I'm not even interested. | ||
I have zero desire. | ||
But thank you very much. | ||
That place represents... | ||
Your name's on the marquee at the Laugh Factory, right? | ||
Holla. | ||
Right now. | ||
Next to me, Joe. | ||
unidentified
|
Where? | |
Laugh Factory? | ||
No. | ||
unidentified
|
No? | |
No. | ||
No. | ||
You're not Jimmy Brogan? | ||
I'm kidding. | ||
Somebody sent me a picture of your name and my name. | ||
Where? | ||
The Laugh Factor. | ||
No, I don't have a show scheduled there. | ||
I haven't been there in over a decade. | ||
Yeah, I don't think you've ever been there since I've known you. | ||
Yeah, I haven't been there in over a decade. | ||
Not that it's a bad club. | ||
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
I'm just trying to think why it said that. | ||
I stopped going to The Laugh Factor when I got serious at the comedy store, when I was like, You know, regularly at the Comedy Store, Mitzi asked me to not go there anymore. | ||
I forget. | ||
It wasn't Mitzi. | ||
It was Scott Day, actually. | ||
You know, did I tell you about this? | ||
How Sam Tripoli started doing the naughty show at the Comedy Store, and it started getting kind of popular, and then What's-His-Face at the Laugh Factory started doing the naughty show also. | ||
So Sam went to him and was like, why are you... | ||
He calls it the Naughty Show? | ||
Yeah, and he's like, why are you doing it? | ||
He's like, oh, I used to do Naughty Show in the 80s. | ||
And I'm like, yeah, but you only brought it back because we just started it back up here. | ||
Jimmy Brogan. | ||
Sorry. | ||
It was Jimmy Brogan. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
Back up. | ||
So what you're saying is the dude is doing another podcast and calling it the Naughty Show? | ||
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
Not another podcast. | ||
He's doing another live comedy show with strippers and everything like that called the Naughty Show. | ||
And he's calling it the Naughty Show? | ||
Yeah, the Naughty Show. | ||
And it's doors down from the comedy store where Sam now does it. | ||
Well, I want to be honest with you. | ||
I think that's a terrible name. | ||
And I think it only serves Sam right that he picks such a stupid name for his show. | ||
And what he really should do is use this opportunity to come up with something that doesn't suck. | ||
And that way some guy can't just gank it. | ||
I think you should call it Sex Squad. | ||
I think we get out on that. | ||
The Naughty Show is a fun show to go to, but that's a terrible goddamn name. | ||
Well, it's just kind of basic. | ||
It's nothing. | ||
It means nothing. | ||
It needs to just be called Naughty. | ||
The Sam Tripoli Happy Party! | ||
Yeah, something like Sam Tripoli. | ||
He should be using it to blow up himself, not the Naughty Show. | ||
I agree. | ||
Sam Tripoli's House of Fun. | ||
That would be just as good. | ||
And by the way, still use the same mailing list, dude. | ||
We'll promote it, alright? | ||
Sam, we're going to help you out of this mess. | ||
Fuck Jamie Masato. | ||
Let him have that shit. | ||
Buddy, I was doing it in the 80s. | ||
That's probably what he said to you. | ||
Buddy, I had not this show in the 80s. | ||
Let him have it, dude. | ||
Just like you should have let those girls have sex squad. | ||
Let him have it. | ||
Let him have it. | ||
It sucks. | ||
I think he'll let him choke on it. | ||
Let him have it. | ||
Let him know everywhere they go that they could never have had it without you. | ||
How about that? | ||
The scrum cap is the name of that thing I was trying to describe. | ||
Oh, I know what you're talking about. | ||
A rugby. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I wear one of those jiu-jitsu. | ||
It's got little pads on it, but it's mostly to cover my ears. | ||
Yes. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, you'll die in that. | ||
Those fucking giant dudes will smash your head into you on purpose. | ||
But not if they're not wearing one. | ||
unidentified
|
That's how they play. | |
You're not going to get people to adjust. | ||
You're going to have to raise a whole new generation of human beings. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, they will. | |
They're going to have to have helmeted and non-helmeted. | ||
But then there's going to be that one thick-headed dude, like some big Samoan guy who just wants to headbutt people. | ||
unidentified
|
Why are you throwing me under the bus about this sex spot thing? | |
I'm not throwing you under the bus. | ||
You said you wanted to do the first episode and you told me to do it. | ||
I think you should have no negative feelings out there. | ||
I agree with that. | ||
This girl's... | ||
Look, for whatever reason, she's got a lot of issues. | ||
I just think that could have been avoided. | ||
And you could have come off like a bigger person. | ||
That's all I'm saying. | ||
But... | ||
You're absolutely right. | ||
Listen, Brian, you're not being honest about that. | ||
I said, I'll do your new show. | ||
No, you said you need to do one ASAP and I'll be the first person on it. | ||
And I was like, okay. | ||
And you know what? | ||
That was before I found out the other girl came up with the name. | ||
No, I told you that too. | ||
That was the first time I told you that. | ||
No, no, no. | ||
You told me later. | ||
You told me later. | ||
You absolutely told me later. | ||
Because I had to give you a wait a minute. | ||
Wait a minute. | ||
You hit him with a wait a minute? | ||
No, I told you that the first time I said it. | ||
You might have thought you did, but you didn't. | ||
No, I did. | ||
Brian? | ||
Because I've never not said I didn't come up with a name, Joe. | ||
You call me a liar? | ||
What are you saying? | ||
Joe. | ||
This is poor social skills here. | ||
All right, never mind. | ||
What are you, Asian? | ||
That's not talking. | ||
So tonight, Ice House Chronicles starts at 8.30. | ||
You're being a silly person. | ||
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
I think you should let those girls have that name. | ||
Come up with a better name. | ||
They should ride in hell. | ||
They live in the hell of their own consciousness if they're angry at you. | ||
That's right. | ||
You don't want that, buddy. | ||
You don't want her out there with a voodoo doll. | ||
Because she'd be putting the pins all around your dick. | ||
No, I just don't even want to talk about them ever again. | ||
Give her a big hug. | ||
What would be a better name than Sex Squad, Neil? | ||
You're a creative guy. | ||
You were the co-creator of The Chappelle Show. | ||
If you had a show and you wanted to come up with your own podcast with hot chicks and What would you call it? | ||
I think he's got a... | ||
I like the squad angle. | ||
unidentified
|
Because it's a death squad, and it's about sex, and it's a podcast about sex. | |
I know. | ||
Let's talk about something else. | ||
How about the cunt posse? | ||
No? | ||
No. | ||
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
Hmm. | ||
How about the we like cock patrol? | ||
Yeah, that I'm with. | ||
No? | ||
No? | ||
Are you still there? | ||
It's funny that so many podcasts are going to try to lean in on that porn angle, though, isn't it? | ||
It's interesting. | ||
It's like a natural angle. | ||
We've had porn stars on our podcast. | ||
It's hard to have a bad... | ||
We had Sasha Gray on. | ||
She's with a black dude. | ||
And it's fucking interesting. | ||
She's fascinating because she's actually smart. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Dana D'Armada's smart, too. | ||
She's crazy, but she's fun. | ||
She's very smart. | ||
We had her on. | ||
Yeah, Sasha's like a regular cool chick. | ||
Yeah, isn't that weird? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Regular cool chick that somehow or another is missing this fuse where she can just go taking the ass in front of the world. | ||
What's weird is it's the oldest formula in radio, having a porn star on a show as a guest, like Howard Stern, Opie and Anthony, any kind of local radio station will always have a porn star on. | ||
But that was even before you actually got to see it. | ||
Which is crazy. | ||
So now you got like Ustream, we're doing... | ||
Like the other Naughty show we had the other day, we had full on nudity. | ||
I had to take it off Ustream because it was just ridiculous. | ||
How dare they? | ||
What'd they do? | ||
Dirty bitches trying to get you arrested. | ||
By the way, you might get arrested for shit like that. | ||
You have to really be careful. | ||
When you get those crazy bitches and they start fingering each other... | ||
You can go to jail for that. | ||
Is that true? | ||
Fuck yeah. | ||
You can't just broadcast pornography. | ||
Sam Tripoli's naughty show. | ||
First of all, Ustream will pull you because they don't want to get sued. | ||
But if someone finds out that you're projecting... | ||
If they find out that there's any sort of significant percentage of people on Ustream that are showing people fucking, oh my god, they didn't go to jail. | ||
Here's a question. | ||
Because they actually weren't really too much of the nudity, but they took these stickers and put it on their boobs... | ||
And then they did the whole podcast with the stickers on the boot. | ||
Oh, that's fine. | ||
You think that's fine? | ||
unidentified
|
That's fine. | |
That's one of those weird double standard things. | ||
That's so weird. | ||
The boob meat is fine. | ||
Yeah, boob meat is fine, but you've got to cover the nipple. | ||
Yeah, and I think you only need to cover the point of the nipple. | ||
I think you could show some areola. | ||
Show areola. | ||
Really? | ||
If you have a star over the nipple itself, but the circle of the areola behind the star is very clear, I think it's still okay. | ||
It's so nuts. | ||
We're so crazy. | ||
Human beings are so bizarre. | ||
Excuse me, Americans. | ||
American human beings, yeah. | ||
When it comes to sex. | ||
We're so nuts. | ||
You could put a star over the nipple. | ||
Well, how about even this? | ||
How about girls who are allowed to wear body paint? | ||
They're fucking naked! | ||
They're naked, but because they're blue, it's okay. | ||
I wonder if you could put a nipple sticker on top of a nipple. | ||
Do you know what I mean? | ||
Like a sticker with a picture of a nipple on it. | ||
With like an ape nipple. | ||
I saw a photo from a friend of mine's Halloween party that he had a few years back where a bunch of girls came over with body paint on. | ||
And one girl's tits were dogs. | ||
But they were tits! | ||
They were just tits with paint on them. | ||
And every girl knew it. | ||
And he said... | ||
Girls that were there that were dressed normal were so fucking pissed. | ||
They were so angry. | ||
They're like, who are these fucking whores? | ||
Like, we don't know that you're naked, you stupid bitch. | ||
And you get fucking paint on your tit and you think that that's okay? | ||
Being shown up. | ||
It was amazing. | ||
What about mannequin nipples? | ||
What about mannequin nipples? | ||
Because now I've got those mannequins and they all have big nipples. | ||
No, those are totally kosher. | ||
Yeah, it's not even real. | ||
It's like, you know, animated. | ||
If you drew an animated nipple, what are you going to say? | ||
Nobody can say anything, I don't think. | ||
I don't think that even counts as pornography. | ||
It's definitely not mannequins, man. | ||
I mean, mannequins, it's not like a sex toy. | ||
If you had like a real doll in the background and you could see the real doll's tit, that's probably, that's tricky. | ||
But not a mannequin, right? | ||
Yeah, but even the fact that it's like... | ||
I actually asked this to a bunch of female audience one time. | ||
Like, if there were robots, like good robots in the future, and you caught your husband fucking a robot, would you be mad? | ||
Right. | ||
And they were like, yeah. | ||
And I was like, but what if it looked like, if it was like a real doll? | ||
And I was like, what if it looked like the Terminator? | ||
Right. | ||
They had no problem with that. | ||
Yeah, I think as long as there's an ugly robot. | ||
Well, that's why people are weirded out if you fuck a fleshlight, but they're not weirded out if you masturbate. | ||
You actually fuck something. | ||
A physical object, it has to be awesome. | ||
It can't be a fake pussy in a tube. | ||
What is that? | ||
What are you doing? | ||
What if in the future you had a robot that looked exactly like yourself, but that you fucked? | ||
I agree. | ||
It's not gay at all. | ||
Hey, listen, I don't want to impose my sexuality on the rest of the world, and I don't want to treat women as objects, so I would never have a fake woman. | ||
So in having a fake me, essentially what I'm doing is I'm taking the hit. | ||
I'm taking the hit myself. | ||
unidentified
|
With a vagina. | |
And I'm just knowing that if I was in jail with me, I'd be a bro, I'd let you fuck me. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That would be so weird seeing yourself. | ||
Do they have? | ||
How about kissing yourself? | ||
What if your fake robot has like an awesome tongue? | ||
It's like, oh, I love kissing you. | ||
You're pushing your own head down. | ||
unidentified
|
You sucked it. | |
Yeah. | ||
Alright, I'll suck your dick. | ||
I'm your robot. | ||
It's me, bro. | ||
It's me. | ||
It's me, dude. | ||
How do you like it? | ||
Oh, I know how you like it. | ||
I'm you. | ||
And on that note, Brian, I'm sorry if you feel like I threw you under the bus with a sex squad thing. | ||
I didn't mean to, buddy. | ||
I don't want you to have any hard feelings. | ||
I'm just trying to eliminate negativity in all of our lives. | ||
I hear you, brother. | ||
And I've never had a bad time with either one of those girls. | ||
I've always had fun with them. | ||
They're always nice to me. | ||
So I hate to see something that I think could have been possibly avoided. | ||
By just a nice phone call, right, Joe? | ||
Hey, man, I don't know what the fuck happened, for real. | ||
I just... | ||
There's no need. | ||
There's a lot of real beefs out there in this world. | ||
There's a lot of real drama. | ||
You don't need to... | ||
Unnecessary. | ||
White! | ||
Word! | ||
All right, you fucking dirty freaks. | ||
That's the end of this week, this whole week of podcasts. | ||
Fort Lauderdale Improv this weekend with Duncan Trussell Thursday, Friday, no, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. | ||
And then we'll be back next week with at least one podcast, but next week I'm filming my special in Atlanta. | ||
unidentified
|
Are you really? | |
Congrats, man. | ||
Yes, thank you. | ||
The Tabernacle on Friday, so I'm going to be concentrated on that almost more than anything. | ||
And that's it. | ||
All right. | ||
Love you guys. | ||
See you soon. | ||
Bye-bye. | ||
Bye. | ||
Did you do the commercial? | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Oh, I got to do commercials. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Onnit.com has a new... | ||
We have a new thing for the next 30-something hours. | ||
The promo code is CRAVE, and you get 21% off. | ||
Go to... | ||
Thanks to the Fleshlight, go to Fleshlight.com. | ||
Enter in Rogan, get 10% off, and Onnit.com. | ||
Is also code word ROGAN and you get... | ||
No, Fleshlight, you get 15%. | ||
On it, you get 10%. | ||
But forget that ROGAN code. | ||
Use the CRAVE code and you get 21% off. | ||
Boom! | ||
There. | ||
That's it, you dirty freaks. | ||
We'll see you tonight at the Ice House. | ||
See you this weekend in Fort Lauderdale. | ||
See you next week. | ||
Some strange podcast. | ||
And then the tabernacle. |