March 28, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:42:54
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| It's on. | ||
| I can't hear you. | ||
| I can't hear me. | ||
| I can't hear me. | ||
| I hear me now, but it's not very loud. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're using the wrong mic, too. | |
| I am? | ||
| Okay, I won't use it. | ||
| How's that one? | ||
| It's not any better. | ||
| In fact, it's lower. | ||
| Hello. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's actually your headphones. | |
| How am I? How's mine? | ||
| Hello. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello. | |
| It sounds great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hello, hello, hello, hello. | ||
| Should I add snowflakes right now? | ||
| Hello, hello, hello. | ||
| Hello, hello, hello. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Yeah, these headphones suck, but if you turn it all the way up, it's okay. | ||
| Duncan, can you talk? | ||
| Yeah, hello. | ||
| Hello. | ||
| Oh, beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello? | |
| We're good. | ||
| How do I drop the volume on mine? | ||
| You start sucking its cock. | ||
| How do you suck its cock? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Push forward towards me. | ||
| Hello, hello, hello. | ||
| Oh, that's better, I guess. | ||
| Still is loud. | ||
| Don't be gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know you're on right now. | |
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I said that like 10 minutes ago. | |
| No, you didn't. | ||
| Yeah, you were like, just tell me when, and I'm like, all right, ready, go. | ||
| Dude, you got to do a better job than that. | ||
| That's preposterous. | ||
| Preposterous! | ||
| We're all smoking weed. | ||
| We don't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| How dare you, sir? | ||
| When I say it's gay, I spell the G-H-E-Y. No take backs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you. | |
| We're about to have new sponsors. | ||
| We've got something really cool lined up. | ||
| Very excited in the video game world. | ||
| Very excited. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can't tell you. | ||
| Preview, but another very cool sponsor that I'm super excited. | ||
| You know, one of the cool things about having this podcast is that you can kind of pick and choose who sponsors the show. | ||
| You know, we've had some offers from stuff that we really weren't kind of into. | ||
| And so we're like, how do we even do this? | ||
| This wouldn't even work. | ||
| It's not something we give a shit about. | ||
| But... | ||
| I like video games more than I want to like video games. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Unfortunately. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| You too. | ||
| Yeah, we both had problems. | ||
| Story of my life. | ||
| So we're going to help contribute to a lot of people's addiction soon. | ||
| Really cool. | ||
| Please tell me it's Diablo. | ||
| I can't tell you shit. | ||
| A lot of them are iPad based though. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| The cool thing about the iPad is it's a gyroscope, or whatever the fuck you call it. | ||
| It detects motion. | ||
| It's gyroscope. | ||
| Is it gyroscope? | ||
| Like a sandwich? | ||
| And you can drive cars and do all kinds of things just by moving the pan around. | ||
| It's a fucking incredible device, really. | ||
| Have you seen those remote control planes that you can fly? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, I have. | ||
| Quadrocopters. | ||
| Our original sponsor, though, is the Fleshlight. | ||
| The first one. | ||
| The one back when we were snowflakes in the back of a Ustream page. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| 200 episodes ago, by the way, folks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's like 600 hours of listening to you. | |
| It's preposterous. | ||
| I don't have that much to say. | ||
| People say you repeat shit. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck do you think, man? | ||
| Come on, dude. | ||
| It's not like we're talking about the news. | ||
| We're talking about some pretty preposterous shit that I think about all the time. | ||
| And I repeat things to myself all the time. | ||
| I have a certain amount of memory. | ||
| It's all taken out by the Fleshlight, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off. | ||
| A very solid product. | ||
| A product that if I left you alone on an island for a million years with all the tools in the world, you would never be able to figure out. | ||
| You'd never be able to figure out how to make a Fleshlight. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You wouldn't. | ||
| It'd be like out of salmon. | ||
| Yeah, the average person, you would never figure it out. | ||
| Yeah, and then you'd get those little bones in you and shit. | ||
| You'd wrap some bamboo-like leaves around a salmon. | ||
| You know what you would never figure out also? | ||
| Vitamins. | ||
| You would never figure out alpha brain. | ||
| You would never figure out new mood. | ||
| You would never figure out shroom tech sport or shroom tech immune. | ||
| All of these are what we call nootropics. | ||
| Except for shroom tech, that's a little bit of a nootropic, but also more of something that is... | ||
| Aids your immune system and your athletic performance. | ||
| There's all the explanations for all these various products. | ||
| It's available on Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. Check out Alpha Brain. | ||
| That is the cognitive enhancing supplement. | ||
| New Mood is the 5-HTP and L-Tryptophan supplement. | ||
| Both of those things are great for boosting your own body's production of serotonin, which can actually put you in a better mood, believe it or not. | ||
| A lot of the way you feel is fucking chemical. | ||
| And of course a lot of it is that people are depressed because their life sucks. | ||
| A lot of us are wage slaves, let's be honest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| That's not good. | ||
| And I don't think taking pills while that's going on just to try to trick yourself into thinking that everything's groovy, I'm not a really big believer in that either. | ||
| I'm much more of a proponent of, you know, get your fucking life in order and you'd be amazed at how much better you feel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then again, I've never had a problem with the balance of my mind and I know people have, so I don't ever say that, you know, you shouldn't take this, you shouldn't take that. | ||
| Everybody's fucking completely different. | ||
| It's preposterous to think that you know the inner workings of another man's mind. | ||
| That said, go to Onnit.com. | ||
| Check out all the shit we have for sale. | ||
| Everything is stuff that I have taken, I believe in. | ||
| I take on a regular basis. | ||
| It's a normal part of my diet. | ||
| I also eat very healthy. | ||
| I think you should too. | ||
| I eat like a fucking savage sometimes. | ||
| But I earn that for the most part. | ||
| I drink kale shakes every morning with fresh garlic and ginger and celery. | ||
| The more you take good things into your body, the more you can justify those Krispy Kreme donuts. | ||
| You're like, fuck it, I'm just going off right now. | ||
| And you always feel like shit afterwards, but I think rewards like that, your body can process that if you do it on occasion. | ||
| You know, if you do it once a week, you know, once a weekday where you just eat ice cream like a fucking slob, there's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| As long as the rest of the week, generally speaking, treat your body like you fucking love it and it's precious. | ||
| Because it is, bitches. | ||
| Onnit.com, all of our products, especially the first-time orders of 30 pills, if you order anything the first order, you get 100% of your money back guarantee if you don't like it. | ||
| And that doesn't mean 100% if you return the product. | ||
| It means 100% even if you eat it all. | ||
| And you go, you know what? | ||
| This isn't what I thought it was going to be. | ||
| What is it going to be? | ||
| It's going to make your brain feel sharper. | ||
| That's what AlphaBrain does. | ||
| It's not magic. | ||
| It's not nothing like new... | ||
| What is that movie? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Cooper? | ||
| Limitless? | ||
| It's not going to turn a moron into a brilliant person, but it will affect the way your brain moves. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It makes me feel better. | ||
| It makes my brain work better. | ||
| Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for AlphaBrain, and use the code name ROGAN, and you will get 10% any and all orders, not just your first one. | ||
| All right, bitches. | ||
| It is podcast number 200. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What a fucking trip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Podcast by night. | |
| All day. | ||
| Duncan. | ||
| There's some rustling going on right now. | ||
| I'm trying to find my Alphabrain. | ||
| If you were on a desert island, you would make Alphabrain out of mermaid. | ||
| A mermaid pussy. | ||
| Dried scrapings on the inside of a mermaid's pussy. | ||
| But they say the myth of the mermaid came from horny sailors trying to rationalize fucking seals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Fucking everything. | ||
| Manatees. | ||
| Manatees. | ||
| Yeah, they'd fuck a manatee because they were so horny. | ||
| And then they'd be like, no, it was a mermaid. | ||
| I swear. | ||
| What kind of a crazy asshole would commit back then to getting in a goddamn boat and going across the ocean for like four months? | ||
| A lot of times not even knowing if there was some shit on the other end. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Thinking it might just stop. | ||
| Like, they thought the world just ended in their waterfall. | ||
| That's how bad Europe sucked in the 1400s. | ||
| That Columbus was like, yeah, maybe it does fall off. | ||
| Let's go, bitches! | ||
| Come on! | ||
| I'm going to live forever! | ||
| Look what the fuck we're eating! | ||
| Look at the streets we're living in! | ||
| People stink! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were so upset with Europe. | ||
| They were like, fuck this. | ||
| We're just going to get in a boat and go to someplace. | ||
| I mean, we're not even looking at it really truly in perspectives because here's something that was really rare back then. | ||
| Any one-on-one accounts of someone who went there that liked it. | ||
| Forget about pictures. | ||
| They didn't have pictures back then. | ||
| Would you see some drawings? | ||
| No, you didn't even talk to one guy, probably, that went over there himself and had a wonderful and prosperous life and was telling you, listen, there's land to be had. | ||
| It's a great time. | ||
| Come on over. | ||
| What a great mass of movement of humans in such a short period of time. | ||
| The population of the North American continent. | ||
| And the fact that there was already a small group of nomadic people that were living here and they were just completely overwhelmed by the volume and the numbers. | ||
| I think there was a lot of them in North America. | ||
| I think there was a lot of Native Americans and indigenous people. | ||
| Well, when you say a lot, was there like millions? | ||
| Well, let me say even if there was a lot, it's nothing in comparison to what it is like right now. | ||
| There's never been population numbers like this anywhere, right? | ||
| Has there ever been a place where there was virtually no one and then immigrants all came in and then within a few hundred years there was 300 million of them? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| No, right? | ||
| Unless it was pre-flood before the last meteor impact or something like that. | ||
| I wonder how many Native Americans there were before they were killed and pushed back. | ||
| That must have been unbelievable for them. | ||
| The people that had lived their lives a certain way before the first white men came. | ||
| It must have been... | ||
| Must have been preposterous. | ||
| Probably generation after generation, they had followed the buffalo, and they had lived this very disciplined and spiritual, sort of in tune with nature and their environment, and they had very clear laws of morality and how you deal with nature and how you use up your resources. | ||
| Really fascinating. | ||
| You could tell that they had a deep reverence and a real understanding for the resources of the environment and not taking too much, not wasting anything. | ||
| Because you might not have it, man. | ||
| They were under a real concern about starving to death. | ||
| If they didn't get up in the morning and follow the buffalo, they lost those motherfuckers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| If they have no food for a few weeks, your baby can die, man. | ||
| You might just fuck up and time the season's wrong and run into some place where you're stuck chasing these buffalo in a place that gets snowed in and there's no food. | ||
| Oh yeah, not to mention the fact that bears are eating you. | ||
| You can get eaten by a bear, for real. | ||
| That's a real worry for you. | ||
| Yeah, especially if you're in the woods and you fuck up and stumble upon its mother, a mother and the cubs. | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| They're fucking monsters. | ||
| I mean, think about how aggressive people are around their babies, you know? | ||
| You're dealing with a giant thousand pound... | ||
| It's like a fucking dog, essentially. | ||
| It's like a big, mean dog. | ||
| It's a dog with thick skin. | ||
| Those things have such thick fucking skin. | ||
| They bite themselves. | ||
| They don't even hurt themselves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever seen them go to war with each other? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they're taking, you know, chunks of hairs are flying and shit like that, and they're fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're fine. | |
| Just bit the fuck out of each other. | ||
| Bit each other, clawed each other, scratched. | ||
| They literally would have dismembered our weak and gelatinous-like bodies. | ||
| In a second. | ||
| Just torn them apart like they're nothing. | ||
| Just crunched through your skull. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a shit life it must have been back then. | ||
| Bad life, man. | ||
| I mean, the American Indians, on one hand, you can say there was a lot of satisfaction in that life, and they probably were happier than the majority of people today. | ||
| I think that's really arguable. | ||
| But that's just the majority of people there are weak-ass bitches. | ||
| It's not that today isn't way more awesome. | ||
| And people get confused in that sometimes. | ||
| People go, you know what? | ||
| People were happier back when they couldn't read. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| People were happier. | ||
| People are happy back when they just had grunts and everybody knew what they had to do. | ||
| That doesn't mean back then it doesn't suck and today isn't awesome. | ||
| It just means that today is so uber complex that a lot of people just don't even try. | ||
| They just go, I can't do it! | ||
| And they just throw it down on the ground and they run away. | ||
| Because, yeah, there's no mechanism to really take care of that. | ||
| Like, back then, if you threw yourself on the ground, you're like, I'm not doing this! | ||
| A fucking bear will eat you. | ||
| A bobcat would eat you. | ||
| Your enemies would kill you. | ||
| You'd starve to death. | ||
| Now you can really get a lot of, like, weird, like, weepy. | ||
| You can be really weepy and scared with very little effect. | ||
| But the effect is like... | ||
| But you still get an effect. | ||
| I mean, the effect is that... | ||
| Well, sure, you never progress, but you don't have to worry about getting eaten outside your house. | ||
| You're not going to get eaten. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The reason why people develop character, the reason why people develop consequences, because there are consequences for not having those things. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's consequences for not having character. | ||
| There's confidence. | ||
| There's consequences for not having confidence, for not having control over your environment, for not being a fucking man. | ||
| There are consequences. | ||
| But what are they really? | ||
| They're pretty meager. | ||
| Some other guy fucks your girlfriend. | ||
| She leaves you for someone who's more powerful. | ||
| You lose your metal box and you have to get an older metal box that someone has already lived in. | ||
| You know, what is it? | ||
| They take your car away, you get a new car, you have to move to a shitty apartment. | ||
| Well, it's... | ||
| What is really happening here? | ||
| The cumulative effect of everything that you're saying means that you're living in hell. | ||
| Well, you're a bitch, is what it's... | ||
| It's pointing out that you're a bitch. | ||
| But my point is, even with the shittier new car, you know, the less cool car, the older car, in the shitty apartment, you're still living a billion times better than anybody did when they were, you know, Lewis and Clark were... | ||
| Hitchhiking their way across the fucking country walking. | ||
| No. | ||
| Horses and shit. | ||
| They didn't know what the fuck was going on. | ||
| That was a ridiculous thing to do. | ||
| You're living pretty much everyone is living a life that's very similar to like Roman nobility. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Like you've got running water. | ||
| You can just go and turn the water off. | ||
| And take a hot shower. | ||
| Yeah, it heats it up. | ||
| That's a brand new thing. | ||
| You got a microwave, you can cook your food in like two minutes. | ||
| Well, have you seen those new, there's new water heaters where it's a constant flow of hot water. | ||
| It heats it instantly and you don't have to have like giant tanks of water. | ||
| The water goes through it and instantly heats it up. | ||
| So you could take a shower for an hour and a half and you'll never run out of hot water. | ||
| Yeah, so you're living in paradise. | ||
| You're not living back in the day when you wanted to kill fleas on your clothes. | ||
| You would put it over the toilets. | ||
| Did you know about that in the castles? | ||
| In the castles, if you got... | ||
| So everything was flea infested back then. | ||
| Everything was flea infested. | ||
| There's fleas fucking everywhere. | ||
| No way to clean them. | ||
| No poison for the fleas. | ||
| So everything's swarming with fleas. | ||
| And so your clothes would get filled with fleas. | ||
| And to get rid of the fleas in a castle, they would put the clothes over the shaft where the sewer is because the ammonia would rise up through the clothes and kill the fleas in the clothes. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So that's the world you're living in. | ||
| You're washing your clothes in shit fumes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Think about that, right? | |
| So they had to take those clothes and they had to all walk around smelling like shit fumes. | ||
| But that's better than the fleas, man. | ||
| That's better than the fleas. | ||
| I'd rather smell like old diarrhea. | ||
| Who was the first one to figure that out? | ||
| It's like, there's gotta be a way to get these fucking things off me! | ||
| Let's try lighting myself on fire. | ||
| Nope, that doesn't work. | ||
| That just kills me. | ||
| Let's try running through the frozen river. | ||
| Nope, now hypothermia. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Shit! | ||
| What about shit? | ||
| Shit fumes! | ||
| Nobody likes shit. | ||
| I run away from shit. | ||
| Let's play chicken with shit smell. | ||
| Let's see who quits first. | ||
| Who taps first? | ||
| The human being? | ||
| You could get burned at the stake if you took a shower more than twice a year. | ||
| If you were taking three or four showers a year, people might get suspicious. | ||
| You sure take a lot of showers. | ||
| Well, they also be like, why are you so clean? | ||
| Why do you smell that? | ||
| Are you a witch? | ||
| Only witches smell good. | ||
| Yeah, when you like take a warm shower and then you climb into some like really soft cotton clothes, you're feeling better than most humans have ever felt in their whole life. | ||
| That's like a deeper sense of pleasure. | ||
| You plop down in your soft and comfortable bed and for, you know, for a real reason, you're not scared of getting eaten by anything. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| You're not scared of, you know, Monsters or tribes coming into your town and raiding your village. | ||
| Your disease is a famine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're just chilling. | ||
| Maybe sometimes you get colds. | ||
| And then, you know, you get a Z-Pack. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey, you're fucking fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, you sitting in front of a television with Avatar playing, say. | ||
| And you're sitting propped up on your pillows. | ||
| And you're wearing clean clothes. | ||
| You have it better than anyone who's ever lived ever by a long shot. | ||
| Could you imagine Lewis and Clark... | ||
| If you could show those motherfuckers, the average 23-year-old dude who lives in some shitty apartment, who's propped up on his bed, watching TV in his bedroom while his roommate's fucking loud in the other room with a blender. | ||
| Like, that guy's living in paradise! | ||
| He's like, this place is a shithole. | ||
| I saw another mouse. | ||
| You saw one mouse? | ||
| That's it? | ||
| They're not everywhere, infesting all your clothes and eating your food and giving everyone horrible diseases. | ||
| It's killing everyone old. | ||
| Everyone with a weak immune system is just fucking dead. | ||
| There's nowhere to put the body, so they stack them in the streets. | ||
| Then the rats get infested with it, and then the rats start spreading it all over town. | ||
| And then you have the black plague. | ||
| Oh, you saw a mouse? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, poor little baby, you're going to be okay sharing the world with a mouse? | |
| And also, don't forget the fact that if you were pregnant... | ||
| There's a pretty good chance you're gonna die. | ||
| Yeah, most likely. | ||
| You're gonna die when that thing comes out of your pussy. | ||
| Like, it's just gonna split you in half and there's no antibiotics, and the baby's probably gonna die too. | ||
| Well, during Rome, the infant mortality rate was 50%. | ||
| 50%. | ||
| Half the babies died. | ||
| And, you know, that's one of the things when you read about, like, crazy stories of the Bible. | ||
| We've talked about this before, about how everything was so violent and so crazy. | ||
| And people say, well, this is really a book of God and a book of religion. | ||
| Why would it have such gratuitous violence? | ||
| Why would violence be condoned? | ||
| I don't even think we could wrap our heads around how hard life was back when they wrote the Bible. | ||
| And even the New Testament, even with Constantine and the bishops when they reworked the New Testament, that's still ridiculously hard. | ||
| It's a terrible life back then. | ||
| They probably needed religion back then. | ||
| I mean, think about how easy life is today, and there's so many people that need a safety net. | ||
| So many people that are terrified. | ||
| So many people that want sanity to this, and they seek that sanity in really ridiculous mythology. | ||
| But back then, it was imperative. | ||
| You had to have it. | ||
| I think Patton Oswalt's got some brilliant joke about this where he talks about how religion was invented to trick dumb people that there's a cake in the sky so that they stop, like, attacking everyone essentially. | ||
| It's just really smart people recognize that there's really dumb people that have no qualms in killing and doing ridiculous things and so they tell them this fib to make them behave. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| The joke's awesome. | ||
| Look it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| It could be possible, but I've always thought that what, I mean, I always joke around about it being for dumb people, but I think there's a pull towards the idea of something other than us. | ||
| And I think we always have had that. | ||
| I don't think we're willing to believe that we're the end of the evolutionary food chain or the spiritual food chain. | ||
| It seems silly. | ||
| It seems much more likely like there's something above us we just can't even communicate with it. | ||
| The same way ants can't tell you stories, we're not able to communicate with something that's the next level of existence. | ||
| Well, yeah, especially when we're so confused by our environment and we're sad and distracted. | ||
| I mean, the thing that you were talking about initially is something, I read this, the Dalai Lama was in Beverly Hills talking to some rich people in their house doing a home visit, and he said to them, you know, here we are, you're in Beverly Hills, you have your mansion and all your things, but why are your medicine cabinets Filled with antidepressants and Valium and anti-anxiety medication. | ||
| Even with all this stuff, you're still experiencing mental turbulence to the point where you're depressed. | ||
| This is the, if people are still caught up in that place, it's going to be very difficult for them to To transcend it to a point where you could communicate with some higher intelligence. | ||
| How are you going to do that when you're caught up in some ridiculous perception of the world where you're addicted and attached to material things, where you're stuck always wanting some new thing, which just makes you perpetually insane, you know? | ||
| Well, that's for a lot of people that becomes their focus. | ||
| You know, I think the human beings, you know, you can look at the shallowness of the materialism and you can say, God, it's so shallow. | ||
| God, it's so silly. | ||
| Yes, yes and yes. | ||
| But what is it really? | ||
| What's going on really? | ||
| Well, human beings are constantly trying to achieve things. | ||
| I mean, that's the point of staying alive. | ||
| The point of staying alive is you have to achieve success out there while you're hunting, success while you're fishing. | ||
| There's a reason why hunting and fishing is so satisfying. | ||
| I haven't been hunting. | ||
| I plan on going very soon. | ||
| But I'm going to go with Steve Rinella, the guy from that meat-eater show. | ||
| We're working it out. | ||
| Name-dropper. | ||
| I name-dropped the fuck out of him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't even know who that is. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Meat-eating show. | |
| We're going to hunt bears in Alaska. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck? | ||
| Anyway, how did I get onto that? | ||
| I got scared. | ||
| I just got scared. | ||
| What did you get scared of? | ||
| Bears in Alaska. | ||
| What were we talking about just before that? | ||
| Well, we're talking about materialism. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| The reason why it's so satisfying hunting and fishing is because those tasks are a prerequisite for staying alive for the longest time. | ||
| For the longest time, the way we stayed alive is we had to go out and gather our food. | ||
| It feels good to pick food. | ||
| Like if you find some blueberries somewhere and you pick them, there's like this weird joy that comes with finding a meal outside. | ||
| That is a natural reward system that's put in place to ensure our survival. | ||
| Now, when there are no hunting and gathering tasks to get, when it's so easy to just walk to the store and get meat, the choicest meat, and it takes literally seconds. | ||
| Can I have that big food? | ||
| Perfectly aged hunk of flesh that has no diseases on it, ready to cook right away. | ||
| And, you know, can I have this milk that's been homogenized and pasteurized and has no chance of killing me? | ||
| And it can sit on the shelf for weeks. | ||
| And can I have this cheese that's also the same? | ||
| It's very resistant to mold. | ||
| And, oh, look at this. | ||
| Fresh vegetables that are genetically modified and you can grow tomatoes in the middle of the fucking winter outside. | ||
| You know, all of it is incredible. | ||
| But it's so easy and so accessible that there's no reward. | ||
| You're not getting that reward. | ||
| So people are just... | ||
| They're being gluttonous. | ||
| Unlike the Native Americans who... | ||
| The flesh was so important to them. | ||
| The kill was so important to them. | ||
| everything was so sacred they would use every single part of the animal to honor that animal and they wanted to keep this relationship with the buffaloes and with the deer and all the animals that they needed to sustain them for us that system is hijacked it's hijacked by sports cars it's hijacked by getting ahead you know getting a house in the Hamptons yeah it's hijacked by having a boat sure it's hijacked by all the things that you can reward yourself for For women, maybe it's jewelry or shoes. | ||
| Or when it's shoes, a lot of women, they become obsessed with fucking handbags and shit. | ||
| I was reading about this woman who was some super billionaire's daughter. | ||
| And he's, you know, I guess he's like super ridiculously wealthy. | ||
| She has a million dollar bathtub that's made out of crystal. | ||
| Like she has a bathtub that is a million dollars and they imported it from Mexico. | ||
| It's her bathtub! | ||
| A million dollars! | ||
| That's like an awesome house! | ||
| A million dollars! | ||
| She has this incredible supply of handbags, just millions of dollars worth of handbags. | ||
| Millions of dollars worth of shoes. | ||
| Literally millions of dollars worth of shoes. | ||
| You know, there's people that start, they get crazy and start buying high-end handmade watches that are a million dollars. | ||
| And they look like a fucking Timex! | ||
| I mean, I'm exaggerating. | ||
| But they don't look... | ||
| This watch is... | ||
| It's called a TW Steel. | ||
| It's a nice watch. | ||
| It's like $150 on Amazon.com or something like that. | ||
| For me, it's perfect. | ||
| It's cool looking. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It's not flashy. | ||
| It's not like I'm trying to stick it in your face. | ||
| But I like the way a good machine looks. | ||
| Something that's designed well. | ||
| And that's what that looks like. | ||
| But some people will get crazy and they'll take it to, I want the finest watch constructed in the most difficult manner, like in a bottle. | ||
| I want them to make the watch in a bottle with tweezers. | ||
| And I want it to be all magnetized and all of it's titanium and hand carved and get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Is it made in the bottle so no dust gets in it? | ||
| Is that the reason for that? | ||
| No, I just made the bottle part up. | ||
| It's like making a ship in the bottle. | ||
| Why the fuck would you make a ship in the bottle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's stupid. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| It's harder for you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, making a regular fucking chip is like whatever. | |
| I'm not good. | ||
| It's a mystery. | ||
| I'd say make something better that's right in front of you, stupid. | ||
| Why are you making things inside bottles? | ||
| It's a challenge. | ||
| It's like Tetris back in the old days. | ||
| It's outrageous. | ||
| It's preposterous. | ||
| One thing that you're leaving out of the difference between primitive and modern people's living situation, you also have to take into account their mental state. | ||
| The Native Americans, they believed in the great spirit. | ||
| They didn't know too much about the universe in the way that we know it. | ||
| They had this faith in a kind of ancient religion that gave them a lot of comfort. | ||
| The modern guy who's buying all the ham and the meat and the fucking ship watches and bottles and the crazy woman buying the purses, it gets even more absurd because their belief in the universe is either a fundamentalist Christian or a religious belief that's always haunted by science. | ||
| The whole world is telling them, you know what? | ||
| A lot of that stuff isn't true. | ||
| A lot of that stuff didn't really happen. | ||
| The people, the way they're describing that, nobody flew up into the air. | ||
| No guy flew up into the air. | ||
| Came back to life after he got nailed to a cross. | ||
| That's never happened. | ||
| Doesn't happen. | ||
| So their fucking main, the tenets of their religion, are always getting attacked on all sides by science. | ||
| And if you're not religious, If you're an atheist, then it gets even more weird. | ||
| You're just some super smart primate that's stuck on a ball. | ||
| You're just some tiny thinking little primate bug thing that the force of gravity is keeping stuck to the ground On a planet spinning around, like your joke, spinning around a ball of fucking fire. | ||
| So it's like, if you don't really believe in God, then you're in this super absurd situation, which is it's like, now I have infinite amount of food and whatever I want, but I'm just some absurd little speck of something. | ||
| You don't have to believe. | ||
| I mean, not all atheists think that, by the way, but it is an absurd place to get to. | ||
| I maintain that the reality of living on a planet, in orbit, around a star, in a galaxy, in a universe, is so preposterous and bizarre and strange that it doesn't matter if you call it, you know, big thunder god in the sky. | ||
| It doesn't matter if you're, you know, you have some mythology attached to it. | ||
| The reality is your perceptions, your own perceptions of it are so abstract. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| There's not something... | ||
| You'd have to fucking bend space. | ||
| You'd have to go to a planet or at least orbit the moon or something. | ||
| Just really wrap your fucking head around the fact that there's some other shit out there. | ||
| It just seems like you're telling me it, but it's abstract. | ||
| I know the numbers. | ||
| Hundreds of billions of galaxies. | ||
| 14 billion. | ||
| I know the numbers. | ||
| They're abstract. | ||
| It sounds to me... | ||
| It doesn't sound real. | ||
| I think religion sounds equally abstract. | ||
| You can believe in... | ||
| And I'm not comparing science to religion. | ||
| Science has been measured and it makes sense. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Most of religion is silly, but... | ||
| I think to us, I'm just saying, I think to us, the reality of our situation is so preposterous that it's almost like religion had to be put in place to describe it. | ||
| It really makes you wonder how quickly people became conscious because all this stuff was shit we had to deal with really early on. | ||
| You know, like, where are we? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Where is this from? | ||
| And then, you know, well, the thunder god came from the sky. | ||
| And, like, we had to, like, really early on had to come up with some fucking answers for how this came about. | ||
| That's one of the cool things about Buddhism is that it doesn't have, like, a thunder... | ||
| It doesn't talk about a thunder god or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
something. | |
| It's more like someone recognizing that is whatever these absurd beings are on this planet, we all kind of share the same similar problems. | ||
| We're all sharing the same similar problems. | ||
| And then an analysis of those problems created like the system of Buddhism, which is a way Overcome the thing that's trying to make you buy a shitload of purses and cars, and the thing that's making you miserable while you're laying in your fucking nice bed in your apartment. | ||
| It's acknowledging that if you're fucking hunting bears as a Native American, or if you're lying in your fucking bed as a modern pepperoni stuffed rich man, you both have the same problem, which is you're going to die, you're going to get old, You're going to get disease. | ||
| You're going to get old age, disease, and death. | ||
| This is an inevitability that we all share and that all humans have shared since the beginning of time. | ||
| You can't escape it. | ||
| So the cool thing about Buddhism is it's not like, if you pray to the mighty Loon Loon, you'll get a blessing. | ||
| It's like, all right. | ||
| Let's sober up. | ||
| Can we calm down? | ||
| Can we overcome all the fucking distractions that are surrounding us? | ||
| Can we focus our will to a point where we're no longer being buffeted by circumstances like all of our ancestors have? | ||
| And that's enlightenment, man. | ||
| Wake up and you overcome the fucking... | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| You know, I mean, is it real enlightenment? | ||
| No, it's... | ||
| You're sort of managing your situation. | ||
| You're sort of, you know, dealing realistically with... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But what does that even mean? | ||
| I mean, the inevitable. | ||
| What is the inevitable? | ||
| What is the death? | ||
| You know, you're just... | ||
| All you know is that this ends. | ||
| You don't even know what takes place next, if anything. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| You know nothing. | ||
| And for a lot of people, just that, I think, was too much. | ||
| And people also have that natural primate need to be right, the need to follow the alpha, need to have someone who seems to be the leader of the gang. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And it's almost impossible to do that unless you've got a religion rocking. | ||
| It's really hard. | ||
| It's really hard unless you have not just a guy, but a guy who appeals to the gods. | ||
| Yeah, an intermediary. | ||
| Someone who's like God's manager. | ||
| Yeah, it's way easier to run shit because you're way closer to God. | ||
| It's a funny thing. | ||
| I mean, it's the greatest trick ever. | ||
| If you trick a bunch of people to think that you're the one who can communicate with God, like, yeah, I represent... | ||
| That's what everybody does, right? | ||
| I represent God. | ||
| Has every cult not pulled that move? | ||
| I mean, that's like... | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| People want to believe shit, man. | ||
| There's a lot of people that want to believe shit. | ||
| You can start a cult, for real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me? | |
| Yeah, easily. | ||
| Oh no, I'd never start a cult. | ||
| Of course you would never start a cult, but you could start a cult. | ||
| If you wanted to, if you were a crazy person, you'd be really good at it. | ||
| You think so? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That's the nicest thing you ever said to me. | ||
| You look like Manson, kind of. | ||
| You could totally do it. | ||
| You're a charismatic guy. | ||
| You're very intelligent. | ||
| You can spin a yarn. | ||
| All the prerequisites for someone being a cult leader. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I think that it would be much more fun to just be part of what's actually happening on the planet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| To be part of the... | ||
| Yeah, that's a massive distraction to being a cult. | ||
| It's a lot of work. | ||
| Life itself is way more confusing. | ||
| Think of the work running a cult, man. | ||
| That's a lot of fucking organization. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| Ugh, it would be terrible. | ||
| A lot of sex, I bet, though. | ||
| Yeah, but it's gross sex. | ||
| Yeah, but it's all trick sex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| The only sex you want in life, period, unless you just got to get a hooker and you just got to get your dick sucked, period. | ||
| You're just a guy who just never gets laid and you got to do what you got to do. | ||
| Other than that, what you really want, ideally, is sex with people who want to have sex with you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You don't want that trick sex. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know that I'm the messiah trick sex? | ||
| Some people are going to get mad at you, man. | ||
| Somewhere along the line, someone's going to get mad at you. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should only have sex with people that genuinely want to have sex with you. | ||
| Have you ever had payment sex? | ||
| Like where you did something and they felt like they had to have sex with you just as a payment? | ||
| No. | ||
| That was the worst. | ||
| I'll change the story a little bit. | ||
| It's a girl that wanted me to do some stuff for her and so I did it for her just thinking like I thought she was just cute but then right when it was done she's just like okay and she comes into the next room and just takes off her clothes and I'm like oh fuck yeah and I fuck her and then Then she left, and then later she wanted to do some more stuff, and so I did it, and she goes, look, I'm on my period right now. | ||
| After I was done with it, she goes, I'm on my period right now, but can I get you next time? | ||
| And I'm like, okay. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Someone needs to tell her about money. | ||
| Yeah, can I get you next time? | ||
| So, wow. | ||
| You know, we should have had this conversation off the air. | ||
| I want to know who the fuck this is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can you give me a hint? | ||
| No, you wouldn't know. | ||
| I would have to explain it more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| You'd be like, eventually you'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Is this a long time ago this happened, or? | ||
| Yeah, it's like seven years ago. | ||
| Wow, that's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| No, I've never had that happen before. | ||
| I've never had that happen. | ||
| But I have lent money in the past to people I've dated. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's never really a loan. | ||
| They mostly hate doing that, though, I've noticed. | ||
| People hate that. | ||
| People hate that, man. | ||
| People hate when they're stuck. | ||
| They hate when they have no one to turn to. | ||
| All of a sudden, your bills are piling up and your fucking transmission breaks and you literally can't get to work. | ||
| That happens to people. | ||
| Yeah, it's the worst. | ||
| It's super normal. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| People hate to be in a position. | ||
| Most people do. | ||
| The people who like to be in a position to ask people for money all the time, those are a pain in the ass. | ||
| Especially dudes who just always seem to be in a spot. | ||
| Always. | ||
| You never can get out of this? | ||
| Always in a bind. | ||
| Why are you spending so much on this house? | ||
| Why is this car so much? | ||
| You're broken. | ||
| You're always needing money. | ||
| Dude, you gotta manage your situation. | ||
| If you want better things in life, you gotta make more money, man. | ||
| Pretend you have more money now. | ||
| A lot of it is credit cards. | ||
| But how do you get into credit? | ||
| No one's forcing you to get into credit cards. | ||
| I'll tell you how you get into credit cards. | ||
| You're a broke person being a waiter and you're making shit no money but you want a new TV. You see all your friends have TVs. | ||
| That's what we just talked about. | ||
| But what sucks is that it shouldn't be fair for credit card companies to charge what they're doing now up to 30% or something like that. | ||
| That's criminal. | ||
| That should be against the law. | ||
| It's totally criminal. | ||
| And most people pay the minimum, and you'll pay that off for the rest of your life. | ||
| And you'll just keep paying that. | ||
| And you'll have paid so much more money than you spent. | ||
| It's criminal. | ||
| But dude, a lot of people are in a trance, man. | ||
| A lot of people are in a serious fucking trance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. | |
| Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. | ||
| Home. Home. Home. Home. Home. | ||
| And just like that, we change the environment of the room. | ||
| Yeah, that's cool. | ||
| Change the environment of the show, ladies and gentlemen, just like that. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| We brought you down freak lane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Freak lane. | |
| Took you down freak lane. | ||
| We do a podcast at Deskwad Club Bones Up with Brendan Walsh, and they do that every episode where they do things like that. | ||
| They sit there for five minutes making crazy noises for no reason at all out of nowhere. | ||
| I bet that would be a funny podcast because Brendan Walsh is a funny motherfucker. | ||
| He's a funny guy. | ||
| By the way, there's a podcast, a whole network of them called Deskwad that we're also involved in. | ||
| Brian runs all of them, and they're all on iTunes and all for free. | ||
| And they include the Ice House Chronicles, which I think is one of the best podcasts we do. | ||
| And what the Ice House Chronicles is, we're actually going to do one after I do this podcast with Duncan. | ||
| And what it is, is while the show is going on at the Ice House, we also come over here and we fuck around and talk shit and have a podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's great. | |
| It's a lot of fun. | ||
| And it's a real green room. | ||
| Like, it's an actual green room of the show. | ||
| Like, you'll see people saying, like, oh, shit, am I on? | ||
| Am I on now? | ||
| And then they'll run out of the room and go on stage. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| I like that Paul Provenza show, The Green Room. | ||
| I enjoy whenever you can get Stan Hope and Dave Attell and Janine Garofalo in a room together and let them argue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jamie Kilstein or whoever was in that. | ||
| You know, I enjoy that. | ||
| But this is a real green room of a real show of a bunch of guys who work together on a regular basis. | ||
| And you're not going to get any weird awkwardness or people, you know, that are attacking people. | ||
| Most of it is just a lot of fun. | ||
| But occasionally, Brian will bring someone in here and you go, what the fuck are these people, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who is this chick? | |
| We've had only four really major incidences. | ||
| Yeah, but those have been... | ||
| People love those... | ||
| They love those moments. | ||
| We've had a few incidents where Brian brought people in and was like, this person can't talk anymore, Brian. | ||
| You've got to get this person out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| I can't tell you. | ||
| He knows people in some shady businesses. | ||
| I keep on running into shady shit. | ||
| Shady shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's a lot of it. | ||
| I think in the future, I'm going to completely do something. | ||
| I thought about this the other day. | ||
| I'm going to date somebody that I would have dated when I was 21. Like, when I was 21, I was... | ||
| Why don't you date someone that you should be dating when you're 37, you crazy asshole? | ||
| No, because that's even scarier. | ||
| 37-year-olds in Los Angeles, that's the scariest bottom of the weird... | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| For the most part, the ratio is really bad. | ||
| Sometimes it's like you, and sometimes it's like Duncan. | ||
| Sometimes it's a guy or a girl for you who's at a certain point in their life has actually learned a lot of shit and is actually fun to be around. | ||
| We all assume chauvinistically as men, especially, that when you meet a girl that's in their late 30s, she's just going to be a fucking wreck. | ||
| Just a screaming wreck of desperation and fear and blame. | ||
| Well, girls my age want to make babies quick, so they're about to trick you. | ||
| I feel like they try to play exactly who they think you want you to be. | ||
| Yeah, I know someone who absolutely, unquestionably was tricked. | ||
| The girl he was dating was older and they like right away started dating and she said that she was on the pill and she got off the pill immediately. | ||
| She immediately knew that she was only, I think she was like 35 or 36. This is a horror story. | ||
| Well that's where it gets with women, I mean not all women, obviously most women aren't deceptive, but where it gets with some women is like listen I don't give a fuck what he wants. | ||
| I only get one more shot at this. | ||
| I'm not going to be in some sort of relationship with some guy, by the way, who has plenty of money so he can take care of this thing. | ||
| Even if the kid doesn't work out, this is what I want. | ||
| I want a child. | ||
| This guy's got money, he's got genetics, and they'll just take the loads. | ||
| They'll just take the loads. | ||
| And you have to pretend that you have to somehow or another, you know, you have to, if you're having sex with her and you're not wearing a condom, you know, you have to realize that that's a possibility. | ||
| That someone could do that. | ||
| And it's totally legal, by the way. | ||
| She could do that. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even if she was deceptive, I don't think she could lose in court. | ||
| I think she could probably say it's her business. | ||
| I think whether or not you took the pill. | ||
| Has anybody ever sued someone based on whether or not they took the pill? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| They say it's 99% effective. | ||
| I bet it's 100% effective. | ||
| Just one people are such wretched, lying cunts. | ||
| It's unprovable in court. | ||
| It's very possible the pill is just straight-up effective. | ||
| Would you ever get your shit snipped? | ||
| Like maybe save some sperm in a fridge? | ||
| Stanhope did that. | ||
| Did he save some sperm also? | ||
| No, he did not save sperm. | ||
| Save your sperm and then do it. | ||
| But that could be reversed. | ||
| But Doug's loads at this point are fucking completely useless. | ||
| His loads will come out like wet cardboard. | ||
| There's no way they're impregnating anybody. | ||
| That getting reversed just has this weird visual that your penis would be just so broken looking at you. | ||
| No, it's not your penis. | ||
| It's underneath your balls. | ||
| You wouldn't even see that. | ||
| But the innards, man, that's what's really crazy. | ||
| You're trying to reattach a tube, and it might not work. | ||
| It might not take. | ||
| This is like the worst. | ||
| This thing just fell into this. | ||
| We had that beautiful moment. | ||
| Well, there's another way of doing it, though. | ||
| There's another way of doing it. | ||
| There's a new way I saw online where they're doing it now with like a clip. | ||
| They're actually bending it and pinching it and cutting it off with a clip. | ||
| And the idea behind the clip is that it could be reversible. | ||
| But I always think that, like, you know, you're doing jujitsu and some guy goes knee on belly on you hard and pops your fucking clip out. | ||
| And next thing you know, well, listen, man, that's reality. | ||
| You get a big guy on you and side control, knee on belly's a motherfucker, dude. | ||
| You gotta have tight abs. | ||
| I do my sit-ups. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I don't want to get stuck with some big fucking guy, knee on belly. | ||
| That's what I think of when I'm doing my sit-ups. | ||
| You just gave me an anxiety attack. | ||
| Don't get anxiety attacked. | ||
| Just do sit-ups with 25-pound plates while you're hanging by your ankles. | ||
| This is what you do. | ||
| You take a 25-pound plate, you put it by your chest, and you hang by your ankles. | ||
| And just all the way up, fucking slow, control it, Duncan, even if you can only do one. | ||
| How is this going to keep me from having an illegitimate child? | ||
| You're going to destroy your stomach muscles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're saying if I control myself. | |
| I'm going to teach you about ball kegels. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ball kegels? | |
| That's the next thing I'm going to teach you about. | ||
| How to kegel your balls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't want to know. | |
| You know how women do kegels to keep their pussy tight? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Apparently you can do that. | ||
| They're close your sperm down. | ||
| Shut the troops down. | ||
| Just come on, boys! | ||
| It's a really weak muscle. | ||
| If you try to squeeze your dick muscle right now, like as you're sitting here, just go like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Try to... | |
| It's so weak. | ||
| I have no dick-squeezing endurance at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't either. | |
| That's why when you have to come and you don't want to come, it's so hard. | ||
| You know, when you're like, don't fucking move! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't move! | |
| And you're just grabbing her and holding her in place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't move! | |
| And you're going, just squeeze it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Forget it! | |
| Just forget it! | ||
| That's when loads sneak out. | ||
| And that's how people get pregnant. | ||
| Do you believe the idea that... | ||
| Like the Taoists and like the tantric sex people believe that you actually lose energy when you come. | ||
| Like if you come too much you're losing some form of energy. | ||
| Now like some boxers they won't ejaculate like before a fight but they won't have sex before a fight because they want to Well, they've actually proven, physiologically proven, that if you don't have any release within seven days, your testosterone goes up significantly. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Significantly, like measurably. | ||
| I don't remember the actual number, but it was enough so that it would warrant doing that if you were a fighter. | ||
| But for some fighters... | ||
| The difficult thing is relaxing. | ||
| The difficult thing is getting in there and being able to fight up to your potential. | ||
| It's not the amount of testosterone that you're producing. | ||
| It's how well are you in control of your mind. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because your mind is what's going to guide you through this fucking thing. | ||
| Your mind's going to have to deal with the consequences of knuckles coming flying at your face and jumping knees and dudes trying to take you down. | ||
| Dudes trying to throw you literally on your head. | ||
| Your mind is dealing with all this and your mind has got to be on point And your mind has got to be relaxed enough to not freeze up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Relaxed enough to respond to the pressure and do the smart thing. | ||
| And not get exhausted quickly because of anxiety. | ||
| That's a big problem with guys. | ||
| Their mind gets them so like this that their body's like, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they're so inefficient. | ||
| They're so completely inefficient in their use of their body that everything is a strain and everything is a sprint. | ||
| And they become exhausted like almost immediately. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, learning to get in that fucking state, man. | ||
| By the way, what I was saying is, in that case, I would say that you should have sex. | ||
| Because then you're not going to at least think about the sex. | ||
| Because if you're not having sex, you're built up with all this testosterone, and you're just thinking about pussy, and you're so confused, you might not even be able to be comfortable in there. | ||
| You might not be able to, like, get loose in there. | ||
| You know, whereas if you get it out of your system, you get the sex, you still feel great. | ||
| I mean, how much of an effect does it have on you? | ||
| Does it have an effect on you where you go to the gym and you're weak? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've had sex and gone to the gym and I feel great. | ||
| It's not that much of a problem. | ||
| I think for a lot of guys, you'd be better off just having the sex to calm down, get it out of your system. | ||
| Yeah, look, don't ask me, man. | ||
| I maybe can go like four days without jerking off. | ||
| I'm not having sex at the most. | ||
| So I have no idea. | ||
| It's a mystery to me. | ||
| Taoism and the whole tantric thing. | ||
| I just don't know if it's something I wonder about because it's two systems that both You know, have like really developed systems around this idea of like extending your orgasm. | ||
| Like somehow they can like supposedly make their orgasms last much, much, much longer. | ||
| Yeah, Sting is into that, right? | ||
| But you would think if you were like really that in tune with everything, it's fucking songs would be better lately. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like a long time ago they were awesome. | ||
| You know, the old Sting. | ||
| When was the last time Sting had a good new song? | ||
| Does he have songs anymore? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Last Sting songs I heard that were new, they came out while I was playing pool. | ||
| Field of Gravy or whatever that song is. | ||
| Field of Gravy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Field of Gravy. | |
| Well, him and his wife, they have like these 30-minute sex sessions, but where's your music, bro? | ||
| You know, I mean, is he putting out music that I'm not aware of? | ||
| Did you say 30-minute? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was like crazy tantric orgasms where they last like 30 minutes. | ||
| 30-minute orgasms. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, for real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could you imagine the smell on that? | |
| What do you think? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Hey, what do you think would happen if you had a 24-hour orgasm? | ||
| It would feel great. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| You'd be wasted. | ||
| You'd be exhausted by the time it was over. | ||
| But yeah, it would probably feel great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you imagine trying to eat while having an orgasm? | |
| Like you're at Subway trying to order. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be embarrassing. | |
| That would be the worst thing ever. | ||
| It would be the worst drug. | ||
| You'd always be around people coming wherever. | ||
| You'd go to parties and everyone's just on the couch having orgasms. | ||
| That's totally possible, by the way. | ||
| That's not like a really difficult thing to represent chemically. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think it is. | ||
| I think they could come up with an orgasm pill. | ||
| That's not around the corner. | ||
| No one ever would have thought a hard dick pill would have been feasible or achievable so quickly and easily. | ||
| Sure, that was the plague of so many fucking... | ||
| Think how hard it would have been to have an erection when you're looking down at your wife's flea-covered pussy that hasn't had a shower in four months. | ||
| Yeah, there's no showers. | ||
| Could they even bathe? | ||
| If they bathe, you had to get, like, buckets of water. | ||
| You had to bring them by the river. | ||
| Down from the river. | ||
| One at a time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You had to go over and over again. | ||
| It'd probably take you an hour and a half each fucking trip, back and forth, back and forth. | ||
| I'll get the rest of it tomorrow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then what do you do? | ||
| You boil the water? | ||
| What's going on there? | ||
| Or just take an ice cold bath. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, and then you dry your dirty ass off on some fucking animal skins. | ||
| Some just old gross half-brotten skins, and you're just dirty again. | ||
| Ha ha! | ||
| Yeah, what did people smell like back then? | ||
| Oh, no one knows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Armpits probably nicely, right? | |
| I wonder if it balanced out, if like all the bacteria in your body would just fight each other off until it got to like a balanced warfare state. | ||
| You know, the issue with us is that we clean our skin so much that we lose a lot of the healthy bacteria on the outside of your skin. | ||
| That's one of the problems with people that have an obsessive compulsive and they have to clean everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| People that are, what is that, a phobia? | ||
| What is it called when you're afraid of germs? | ||
| OCD. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Howie Mandel gets warts on his hands, apparently. | ||
| Yeah, because he uses that hand cleaner so much. | ||
| His hand is getting worse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| It's getting worse? | ||
| We had a podcast the other day where somebody knows. | ||
| Yeah, he won't even touch knuckles with you anymore. | ||
| He used to touch knuckles, but now he won't even do that. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| We've already talked about this, but when you consider... | ||
| How filthy the assholes of most people in the Western world are? | ||
| It kind of makes sense, man. | ||
| You're just using toilet paper to wipe. | ||
| You're using toilet paper. | ||
| Yes, that is gross. | ||
| But being such a germophobia is preposterous because we are not one thing. | ||
| We're terrified of these germs, but we have germs in us. | ||
| We are germs. | ||
| You know, we're not just one thing. | ||
| You should clean your hands. | ||
| Yes, for sure. | ||
| You should definitely wash your dishes. | ||
| You should clean your ass. | ||
| You should. | ||
| But you also shouldn't be a fucking freak. | ||
| Don't be crazy about it. | ||
| Don't be afraid to touch a table because somebody might have touched it before you. | ||
| Just wash your goddamn hands and eat your vegetables. | ||
| Well, no, they say it. | ||
| I mean, I've given Duncan a couple stink watches before where you don't wash your finger and then when you shake hands, you just kind of rub it on the inside of their hand right here and it makes it smell like poop. | ||
| Aw, jeez, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brian. | |
| I heard you guys were talking about me itching my ass on your podcast. | ||
| You itch your asshole. | ||
| Brian itches his asshole. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| What I do is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He admits it. | |
| While he sits there, he itches his asshole. | ||
| For sure he doesn't wash it before he touches the keyboard. | ||
| That's such a weird thing to admit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, that's completely false what he's saying right now. | |
| You tell me that you have itched your asshole... | ||
| I'm saying I have. | ||
| Are you telling me you have not? | ||
| I'm saying I know you have itched your asshole by mistake before, or at least once and twice in your life, right? | ||
| I make sure that if I do have to itch my asshole, that I wash my hands afterwards, I am not convinced that you do the same. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, that's right there is just spreading false information. | |
| Because do you think I really itch my ass and then just walk around and be like, oh, it smells good? | ||
| No. | ||
| I want everything to smell like poop now. | ||
| That if you were tired and you didn't feel like getting up to go wash your hands and your asshole itched, you would itch your asshole for sure and then go right back to your keyboard. | ||
| No, I would suck on a little and wipe it on my shirt. | ||
| Disgusting, man! | ||
| 37-year-old man boy. | ||
| His name is Red Band. | ||
| We need a commercial. | ||
| The Adventures of Red Band. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Adventures of Red Band made up by you. | |
| Because that was all bullshit. | ||
| You're the one... | ||
| You cry sensitive, but you're the one who wants to interrupt podcasts with digging your asshole stories. | ||
| And that's how it got started in the first place. | ||
| We had a podcast where you jumped in the middle of it and started talking about you actually getting shit on your hands... | ||
|
unidentified
|
We were talking about that right then. | |
| That's why I said it. | ||
| I don't believe we were, but the point is you cannot bring something like that. | ||
| That's how I got to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You guys were just talking about it. | |
| The point is you cannot bring something like that up and be that preposterous and then be sensitive about people talking about you itching your asshole and having shit all over your ass. | ||
| The only reason I said that is because I heard you talk about it on Duncan's podcast that I did this when in fact I didn't do this. | ||
| You did itch your asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I said I have itched my asshole. | |
| This is like the worst case of Judge Judy. | ||
| You've itched your asshole. | ||
| You cannot be judgmental about guys talking about you itching your asshole. | ||
| Do you not understand that you open up the door? | ||
| You've itched your asshole too? | ||
| Yes, I have. | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| Then what's the big deal? | ||
| I told you, I washed my hands. | ||
| Guys, and I never said I didn't? | ||
| You are. | ||
| I guarantee you. | ||
| So I didn't say I washed my hands. | ||
| That means I didn't wash my hands. | ||
| I just love to smell poop. | ||
| It's your asshole and then go do some typing. | ||
| If you only had like three more words to type, you would definitely go, well, I'll wash my hands in a little bit. | ||
| I'll remember to wash this keyboard off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll make up some shit about you now. | |
| Listen, Brian, you want to talk about itching your asshole and getting shit on it. | ||
| You cannot be sensitive about that, man. | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| Look, you who have not itched your asshole throw the first stone. | ||
| It becomes a subject and then it becomes fun. | ||
| It becomes a subject. | ||
| You can't stop that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All of you guys here have itched your own asshole, right? | |
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How am I any different? | |
| Because I talked about it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry for talking about itching my asshole by mistake. | |
| We can say that just based on your normal behavior that it's at least a possible... | ||
| It's a possible example that you could have itched your asshole and then not gone to the bathroom and washed it. | ||
| It's very possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's very possible. | |
| So that's what we made fun of, dude. | ||
| So fucking relax. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, you're saying it as if I did, though. | |
| No, I'm not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You did on your podcast, I heard. | |
| Well, we said you itched your asshole and then didn't wash it and then touching everything. | ||
| Yeah, that's what we said. | ||
| That's possible. | ||
| That's why it's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| We don't know, obviously. | ||
| We weren't there while you were itching your asshole and touching things. | ||
| It's called goofing on you. | ||
| You can't goof on yourself in front of us like that and then expect us not to also do the same thing. | ||
| If there's anything that we goof on about ourselves during the podcast, feel free to goof on it about us when we're not here. | ||
| If you're doing it yourself, you can't be upset that other people are doing it. | ||
| You're talking about digging in your asshole, getting shit all over your hands. | ||
| You cannot be upset at other people laughing about that. | ||
| If you want to... | ||
| Look, I've talked about the podcast about shitting my pants. | ||
| I shit my pants driving home from Fear Factor once. | ||
| Shit my fucking pants. | ||
| Plop. | ||
| Filled them up. | ||
| Just held it in as long as I can. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| I couldn't. | ||
| I couldn't hold it in anymore. | ||
| I was stuck in traffic. | ||
| It was a horrible diarrhea moment. | ||
| Feel free to make fun of that, because it actually did happen. | ||
| I actually did have to clean my car. | ||
| I actually did have to clean my pants. | ||
| The shit didn't get in my car, but my pants were soaking wet with shit, so that kind of leaked through some of the fabric and got all over my seats, so I had to get in there with Windex, and I used an old toothbrush and shit. | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| So you can make fun of that. | ||
| And when you start talking about digging in your ass and getting shit all over your hands, guess what, fella? | ||
| We're going to joke about it. | ||
| You can't be all sensitive about that. | ||
| Silly bitch. | ||
| No, but what I heard you said, and this is just, I didn't even listen to the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What I heard you said is, you're telling that Brian itches his asshole. | |
| Then stop now. | ||
| Then stop now. | ||
| If you didn't listen to the podcast, stop now. | ||
| Don't ever comment on something, especially in an angry way. | ||
| I'm not even commenting in an angry way. | ||
| You're asking why I brought it up, and I'm telling you why I brought it up, because I heard recently you were saying that I did that. | ||
| That's how you asked how I brought up the situation that I randomly threw in something about what you were talking about. | ||
| It was very similar to what you guys were talking about. | ||
| Brian, you need to settle the fuck down before you have a heart attack. | ||
| I'm just explaining myself! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're the one going off on me, man. | |
| No, I'm not, Brian. | ||
| You're being defensive about the fact that we were joking around about you itching your ass and touching things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not being defensive. | |
| You asked me why I randomly brought up the fact and I was telling you why. | ||
| You certainly are being defensive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not. | |
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| And the way you're arguing right now is very childlike. | ||
| It is very defensive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see Deadmau5 and Madonna? | |
| Yes, I did. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you think about that? | |
| Well, Deadmau5 is a silly bitch. | ||
| He was making fun of Madonna because Madonna, well Madonna, like, you know, people on my message board were totally ragging on her for her attempt at being relevant. | ||
| You know, she gets on stage like, who here has seen Molly? | ||
| Molly is a nickname for MDMA. Which is her new album, isn't it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
MDNA. Yeah, but it's written to kind of... | |
| So she's just trying to... | ||
| She's trying to pump up her album. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I mean, that's part of her thing is connecting herself to this very, very popular rave drug. | ||
| So Deadmau5 gets mad about it and he gets pissed at her and saying, you know, You know, you're connecting drugs to the electronic dance movement, and you shouldn't do that. | ||
| His idea is you don't need drugs to enjoy the music that he's making, or any of those artists are making, which is true. | ||
| You do not need drugs to do that. | ||
| I mean, I've listened to his stuff, and I enjoyed it, and I wasn't on drugs. | ||
| Yeah, but take some really good actors. | ||
| If you took MDMA, he doesn't have any experience in it. | ||
| So that's why it's ridiculous. | ||
| So for him to say that, it's like, man, you're talking shit about an experience that for some people is maybe the most energetic and positive experience they've ever had in their life is being high on ecstasy at a rave, listening to dance music. | ||
| Being on excellent MDMA and standing in front of a speaker the size of a house that's blasting out fucking awesome house music. | ||
| There's nothing like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the coolest thing ever. | |
| That's what most people go to see, that music on Molly. | ||
| That's the whole point of listening to the music. | ||
| But what he's saying is it's giving his electronic music a bad name. | ||
| You don't have to enjoy... | ||
| Listening to that kind of music online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I think that's ridiculous. | |
| That's like saying reggae music without marijuana. | ||
| That's like saying rap without stealing a car. | ||
| You're certainly not going to... | ||
| That is something I remember that was like back in the day when I used to go to the raves. | ||
| That was like one section of people who would go to the raves. | ||
| And a very small one were a group of connoisseurs of the music who didn't think that you should pollute your mind with the drugs and just purely enjoy the music. | ||
| Well, the problem is we had Deadmau5 on the podcast. | ||
| He was drunk as fuck, and he wouldn't stop smoking cigarettes. | ||
| Oh, come on! | ||
| He chain-smoked cigarettes, and he was drunk as fuck. | ||
| And I enjoyed hanging out with him. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I like the dude. | ||
| But I think his whole thought process is really... | ||
| It's uninformed. | ||
| And I think if he had experiences with psychedelic drugs and music... | ||
| I mean, not that MDMA is a psychedelic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's an inhabitant. | |
| What's that? | ||
| It's impactful is what it is. | ||
| MDMA had a very strong influence on my behavior. | ||
| It gave me a very deep insight into behavior patterns and insecurity. | ||
| And I said on my message board, I was like, I think he could use some MDMA. I really think he could. | ||
| Not that he's a bad guy, but I think that there's a lot of people, they have a certain amount of unnecessary anger inside of them, a certain amount of unnecessary judgment. | ||
| And MDMA will knock that shit right out of you. | ||
| It's such a loving feeling. | ||
| And that's one of the reasons why they're using it for post-traumatic stress disorder, for vets coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan. | ||
| And that's a positive thing, man. | ||
| That's a good thing. | ||
| Are people abusing it and dancing? | ||
| Of course they are. | ||
| But that goes back to what I said in that movie, The Union. | ||
| People can abuse cheeseburgers. | ||
| Should we make cheeseburgers illegal? | ||
| I can take a fork and stick in my eye. | ||
| Should we make forks illegal? | ||
| But do you know how many people a year die from drinking? | ||
| What the statistic is? | ||
| It's 100,000. | ||
| Yeah, between 70 and 100,000. | ||
| And that doesn't even include drunk driving deaths, by the way. | ||
| That's people who drunk themselves to death. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, people die from alcohol poisoning, people die from overdosing on alcohol, people die from sclerosis of the liver directly related to alcoholism. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| MDMA is a small amount. | ||
| It's like illegal drugs in this country is only like 12,000 people die a year. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The real problem is prescription drugs right now, which are overcoming drunk driving accidents as far as fatalities. | ||
| Oh my god, those are the worst. | ||
| People die from those left and right, man. | ||
| I have a friend who died. | ||
| I have a friend who died in New York, a pool player, and he was a great guy, and he was a straight edge. | ||
| He was straight edge. | ||
| He made fun of people who smoked cigarettes, and then all of a sudden he hurt his back. | ||
| And when he hurt his back, he got on some oxycodones or, you know, one of those. | ||
| And just, boop, that was it. | ||
| See ya. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
| Changed his life. | ||
| Fell asleep in his mashed potatoes. | ||
| Everyone's hanging out together. | ||
| The fucking guy just falls asleep sitting there eating dinner. | ||
| Plop. | ||
| So sad. | ||
| Like a movie. | ||
| Puts his arm down and falls asleep on a plate of mashed potatoes. | ||
| It's so sad, dude. | ||
| It's the saddest thing ever, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It is sad. | ||
| It's really sad when you consider that these drugs, these synthetic drugs that people are, that are killing so many people are semi-legal and alcohol is killing everybody and it's totally legal. | ||
| Whereas these, like an empath, an empathogen like MDMA that when you take it, you can, if you have some discipline, you can go dancing. | ||
| It's fun to go dancing on it. | ||
| But if you have some discipline, you can shift your life into the positive forever. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If you have some discipline and if you're working with someone or if you're, if you know what you're doing. | ||
| Well, if you're honest about your experience, if you're a person who's truly looking to improve who you are as a person, I think MDMA can be very impactful. | ||
| I didn't like the way it made me feel. | ||
| I wouldn't recommend anybody doing it. | ||
| I would say, man, you have to weigh your own pros and cons. | ||
| Even though it impacted me in a very positive way, I remember feeling absolutely terrible the next day. | ||
| I don't think it's good for your body. | ||
| I don't want to do it again. | ||
| But I learned a lot from doing it. | ||
| And the fact that OxyContin, which are literally synthetic heroin, Literally. | ||
| That is what it is. | ||
| There's no doubt it is a synthetic opiate. | ||
| It is incredibly, incredibly addictive. | ||
| People who have done heroin say it's easier to kick heroin than it is to kick pills. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| The Oxycontin pills, somehow or another, the way they're constructed, the way it impacts with the human body, makes them even more addictive. | ||
| It's just insanity now. | ||
| Well, they're fucking fishhooks, dude. | ||
| They're fishhooks coming out of the pharmaceutical companies that get stuck in people's brains. | ||
| You get a fucking fishhook in your brain attached to a giant corporation that's got you fucking wired in, whether you're getting it legally or not. | ||
| It's like telephone wires all connecting back to the telephone company. | ||
| From the brains, all these pill poppers. | ||
| It's just fucking lines going back to work. | ||
| And no benefit whatsoever except a little bit of pain relief. | ||
| The social benefit of MDMA would be gigantic, man. | ||
| If MDMA became legal and it was prescribed. | ||
| But the problem is also, you know, you got people who would OD on it, people who drink when they take it. | ||
| There's a lot of different possibilities. | ||
| People could fuck it up. | ||
| Yeah, they could fuck it up, but guess what? | ||
| They get to because it's their life and their body. | ||
| Yes, and they can do that with alcohol. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they can do that. | ||
| You know, the fact that there's all these laws against things like MDMA and mushrooms and things. | ||
| Mushrooms are where it really gets crazy because you can't over-deat. | ||
| You know, who the fuck has ever overdosed on mushrooms? | ||
| You have to eat, like, pounds of it. | ||
| The LD50 rate for mushrooms is really high. | ||
| You've got to be really trying to kill yourself. | ||
| I think it's like a garbage bag. | ||
| Which, by the way, you could eat way less salt and you'd be dead. | ||
| You don't even have to eat a pound of salt and you're fucking gone, man. | ||
| You ain't coming back. | ||
| If you ate a pound of salt and you just sat there with a tablespoon and just started eating salt and you ate a whole pound bag, that's it. | ||
| That's a wrap, kid. | ||
| See ya. | ||
| You're dead. | ||
| You're dead. | ||
| Yeah, you could die from drinking water. | ||
| Remember we were in Sacramento and that lady died in a contest? | ||
| Oh, I remember when that happened, man. | ||
| It's so sad. | ||
| That happened to a frat kid, too. | ||
| They were hazing a frat kid and they made him drink water until he couldn't drink anymore and he fucking died, too. | ||
| He'd just die. | ||
| It's so fucked up, man. | ||
| It's a terrible way to go. | ||
| We have weird laws that protect people. | ||
| Cigarettes being legal is the most preposterous. | ||
| And also remember like the impulse for many people who are taking psychedelics is not to try to wipe out the universe, but it's to try to go deeper into the universe. | ||
| And so that means that a lot of people in the jails right now and a lot of people in the dungeons, they had the same instincts It's like a lot of the great philosophers. | ||
| They just wanted to expand their mind and understand a little bit about the universe and they're in prison now. | ||
| They're imprisoned. | ||
| And so from the prohibition, you're not just getting an inability to go enjoy a great fucking night at some underground party or the inability to like have a great camping trip with your pals. | ||
| It's literally, I think, stifling evolution because God knows what amazing thoughts people could be coming up with If there was regulated psychedelics and we got to explore them to understand how to really use them and how to really fucking harness them to make us smarter, you know? | ||
| This is something that's the birthright of humanity. | ||
| All indigenous tribes have some form of psychedelic that they take. | ||
| This is like... | ||
| The ancient people of the earth knew about this peyote, ayahuasca, yet somehow in the modern age they're keeping us from this experience that maybe is the thing that connected the Native Americans to the earth that you were talking about in the beginning. | ||
| Maybe it is the thing that made people not so fucking fixated on material possessions, you know? | ||
| But we have a prohibition happening now. | ||
| It's the dark ages. | ||
| It's like imagine if there was a book. | ||
| Just some book, and inside of it was amazing information that will teach you how to overcome your ego, that will connect you with your brothers and sisters around you. | ||
| There's this amazing book, and it's surrounded by a fence that the governments erect, and they're like, sorry, can't read that fucking book. | ||
| Can't read it. | ||
| It's illegal. | ||
| You read that book, you're going to the dungeon. | ||
| If we catch you distributing this book, copies of this book, we put you in the dungeon. | ||
| Doesn't make any sense, man. | ||
| Why aren't they letting us read that fucking book? | ||
| I don't know anyone who died on mushrooms. | ||
| I don't know anyone where anything bad happened to them on mushrooms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nobody. | |
| I've never heard it. | ||
| I'm sure it's out there, but... | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of things bad on mushrooms. | |
| Yeah, but those people are all bitches. | ||
| Every person I've ever met that had like a horrible trip on mushrooms, they all had like psychological shit they were dealing with. | ||
| I had like five bad problems. | ||
| I got sick. | ||
| I was shitting myself and then puking. | ||
| Oh, well that's possible. | ||
| You get some food poisoning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Most bad trips, I think, are overdosing. | |
| I think that's all it is. | ||
| There's an overdose limit of how much mushrooms you should have based on how much you ate that day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know all the factors. | |
| That's why it needs to be regulated because then it could be dispensed like synthetic psilocybin. | ||
| Yeah, well, we're talking about the whole idea behind the fact that these drugs like cocaine are illegal is what keeps them from being impure. | ||
| Everyone cuts them up. | ||
| Everyone adds all the stuff to them. | ||
| You couldn't do that if it was sold by Coca-Cola. | ||
| Coca-Cola was selling cocaine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You would have to have the ingredients listed right there on it. | ||
| You would know exactly what it was. | ||
| They would have to sell you actual cocaine. | ||
| But when you're buying it from some fucking kid at a rave, he's calling it MDMA. I hope he's right. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| You're taking a chance. | ||
| You want to party. | ||
| You want to have a good time. | ||
| Yeah, but who knows? | ||
| Who knows what the fuck it is, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like what Joey Diaz was talking about with the cocaine the other day. | |
| That's what I just said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Jesus Christ, you're not even listening. | ||
| That's what we were actually saying. | ||
| That's the subject we were talking about. | ||
| Dude, if I had a time machine, Rogan, and I could go back in time, one of my stops on the way back to the crucifixion would be to fucking pick up a cocaine-laden bottle of Coca-Cola. | ||
| Haven't you always wondered what that was like to drink a cocaine-ed coke? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, it's got to be... | ||
| Well, when we say cocaine, also we talked about this in the podcast yesterday, the coca leaf, the chewing of the coca leaf has a very... | ||
| It's a very different reaction than eating. | ||
| And by the way, coca leaves are still in Coca-Cola. | ||
| A lot of people don't know that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't know that. | |
| But yeah, they still import, even though coca leaves are illegal, they still import coca leaves using Coca-Cola. | ||
| I might be talking on my ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus, I did not know that. | |
| I think they changed the formula for that a long time ago. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it was like a long long time ago. | ||
| Not sure about that. | ||
| I'm not sure about that. | ||
| But anyway, my point is, the coca leaf Which they, you know, they had that. | ||
| That was an ingredient, right? | ||
| But were they using cocaine as an ingredient? | ||
| Or was it just the coca leaves? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, wasn't Sherlock Holmes addicted to cocaine in those books? | ||
| I think it was... | ||
| A lot of guys were... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I thought it was morphine. | ||
| It wasn't... | ||
| Is it morphine? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| Or was that Wyatt Earp? | ||
| Wyatt Earp used to go to morphine dens? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| People were... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They had opium dens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think Freud was really into coke. | ||
| I think they were, like, blasting themselves with coke. | ||
| And it was totally legal. | ||
| Like no one, it wasn't regulated back then as far as I know. | ||
| I think you could at least get prescriptions for it. | ||
| I've seen like cool old bottles. | ||
| I mean if it's in fucking coke, if it's in Coca-Cola, it's legal. | ||
| Yeah, there is actually legal- God, people must have been obnoxious back then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everyone's on coke. | ||
| It must have been the worst. | ||
| Coca-Cola actually does have a legal importation of the coca leaf. | ||
| Still? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Coca and Coca-Cola, the Coke formula, is one of the most closely guarded corporate secrets in America. | ||
| The company concedes that using a decocainized flavor essence in the coca leaves is one of the few Coke ingredients the company will publicly acknowledge. | ||
| So they are using an actual extract of the coca leaf that has no cocaine in it. | ||
| So I was right. | ||
| Where's that cocaine going? | ||
| They're extracting. | ||
| It all goes to Elton John's house. | ||
| They're producing all the cocaine in the world. | ||
| Can you imagine if Coca-Cola turned out to be Scarface, the number one cocaine dealer on earth? | ||
| De-extracting cocaine? | ||
| Where's it going? | ||
| Well, we're just gonna throw it away. | ||
| We don't even need it, even though it's worth billions. | ||
| Yeah, forget that. | ||
| We don't need that money, okay? | ||
| We're here to sell kids sugary shit that makes their teeth rot out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, we're dead. | |
| We're not gonna walk out of this place. | ||
| We're not here to kill anybody. | ||
| And the guy is actually Dr. Pepper the whole time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the Scarface character of the Coca-Cola company. | |
| All you need to know about whether or not they would make money off of things like that is who's making money off cigarettes? | ||
| Cigarettes are fucking for sure killing almost a half a million people a year in this country alone. | ||
| Our ideas about intoxication are so bizarre and baffling that somehow or another we think that they are protecting us from something that perturbs our state of consciousness and makes us think about things in a completely different way and possibly even hallucinate. | ||
| But some weird surge that you get because of an almost immediate addiction that you've acquired to some stupid fucking burning plant that's soaked in chemicals. | ||
| No one even discusses it. | ||
| It never comes up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Not at all. | ||
| No campaigns ever bring it up. | ||
| No one ever promises. | ||
| People are promising bases on the moon. | ||
| Newt Gingrich got desperate and promised a base on the moon by the time he had a second term. | ||
| He threw a Hail Mary. | ||
| It's like base on the moon. | ||
| No one ever says we need to make cigarettes illegal and save our friends who are dying a horrible death addicted to a terrible chemical that's a sick company is profiting off and we need to re-change the way we look to change the way we look at this terrible, terrible scourge on America. | ||
| No one, not a single politician would ever make that speech. | ||
| And if they did, they'd wind up dead in a fucking hotel room somewhere. | ||
| But meanwhile, if anyone running for president said, I think that psilocybin makes you connect with the universe and it makes you love the people around you more and it gives you more of an experience of a full life and reminds you of how small you are and their relation to everything else and you can't really OD on it, so I don't think it should be illegal. | ||
| If somebody said that, If a president said that right now, like Santorum said that or somebody said that, they would never get elected. | ||
| You say that, but I don't agree. | ||
| The only way they would never get elected is if they would never get elected anyway because elections aren't real. | ||
| But could they change the public's consciousness? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| The press would explode. | ||
| If you've got an eloquent guy, well, there's evidence. | ||
| John Hopkins, the recent John Hopkins University study that showed that over a 20-year period of time, all these people that took mushrooms just once had a direct change in their personality, an improvement of their personality. | ||
| Shouldn't be illegal. | ||
| Of course it shouldn't be illegal, but I think that if someone was eloquent and someone made sense in all other areas, if someone was a bright person, and they can prove it, and prove it in an articulate and eloquent manner where it was compelling, where what they were telling you was that here's what's going on, okay? | ||
| I know you're all associating drugs with being a negative thing, and the reason for that, it's intelligent to do so. | ||
| Most drugs, and many, many drugs, can be very negative on your life. | ||
| However, We've been sold a bill of goods on certain drugs, and certain drugs are actually good for you. | ||
| Not only are they good for you, they may be the whole reason we evolved from fucking monkeys in the first place, but we've been lied to. | ||
| And the companies that keep us in order right now would like to keep everything the way it is. | ||
| The reason being is they're profiting off things being illegal. | ||
| There's a lot of Profit on drugs being illegal that are illegal currently. | ||
| It's not as simple as they would just sell them too and then they would make the money. | ||
| Why wouldn't they make it legal? | ||
| There's money to be made that will not be available once psychedelic drugs are legal. | ||
| There's a lot of things that are for sale, especially pharmaceutical drugs. | ||
| A huge amount that just making marijuana legal would just squash the market for a good percentage of Pain relief and, you know, glaucoma medication reduces interocular pressure. | ||
| People who have AIDS who can't eat. | ||
| People on chemotherapy that have a hard time eating. | ||
| All of that. | ||
| There's so many drugs that are prescribed for various ailments that literally would be out of business. | ||
| And so consider this. | ||
| Take it to the human level. | ||
| This is where it gets fucked up. | ||
| We have access to certain mind states where you can bring back authentic information that can help your life and the life of the people around you and there's a possibility that if enough people were having these mind states there might be an acceleration in technology and acceleration in science and acceleration in philosophy but because we can't get these mind states We can't get these mind states, | ||
| things are slow and weird and dumb right now, and the reason we can't get it is so that people can make more money. | ||
| Okay, well let me play devil's advocate. | ||
| Please. | ||
| First off, there's a lot of people that think that a lot of hippies are fucking mooches, they mooch off the government, they get welfare, they get public aid, they don't want to pull their share, they don't want to pull their own weight. | ||
| A lot of people think that these experiences that you say that will benefit people, they say, well, where's this evidence? | ||
| Where's the evidence of anybody finding out anything worthwhile on psychedelics? | ||
| Terrence McKenna? | ||
| That doesn't mean anything. | ||
| Francis Crick? | ||
| Okay, that's a rumor after he died that was released is that he was a deathbed confession that he took LSD. No, he was good friends with Brave New World, Addis Huxley. | ||
| He was friends with fucking Huxley. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Dude, if you were friends with... | ||
| But him saying, okay, that's true, that he took it, but it doesn't... | ||
| What the statement is is that he discovered the double helix strand. | ||
| He figured it out while he was on LSD. That's all anecdotal. | ||
| That's all deathbed confessions. | ||
| He never said that anywhere. | ||
| It's not written anywhere. | ||
| So just in fairness, I don't think you can directly attribute that to him. | ||
| I've looked at the sources for that. | ||
| It's possible that he said that, but I don't think you can state that he said that. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I mean, in a court of law, I can't prove it, but being friends with Aldous Huxley, a man who on his deathbed had himself injected with like 750 micrograms of LSD, being friends with that guy, that's like being friends with you and never having gotten stoned. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| You're misunderstanding me. | ||
| Yes, he probably did do LSD. The question is, what did he get out of it? | ||
| How do you know he didn't just hallucinate? | ||
| There's no evidence that it helped them in any way. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's not like they pulled something out of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's nothing on paper. | |
| There's nothing you can be like, look here. | ||
| There is one guy, Carey Mullis. | ||
| Carey Mullis, he was a Nobel Prize winning chemist. | ||
| And he said that LSD had helped him develop a polymers chain reaction that helps amplify specific DNA sequences. | ||
| And he figured that out while it was on acid. | ||
| Well, there's one. | ||
| There's one. | ||
| So there's one. | ||
| Can you read that again? | ||
| What he did? | ||
| Okay, here's the full thing. | ||
| During a symposium held for Albert Hoffman, Hoffman revealed that he was told by Nobel Prize winning chemist, Kerry Mullis, that LSD had helped him develop the polymers, I hope I'm saying this right, P-O-L-Y-M-E-R-A-S-E, polymers, polymers? | ||
| Anyway, chain reaction that helps amplify specific DNA sequences. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm too stupid for that. | ||
| But the guy said... | ||
| Carey Moss even admitted, what if I had not taken LSD ever? | ||
| Would I still have invented PCR? That was the method. | ||
| He says, I don't know. | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| I seriously doubt it. | ||
| That's what I'm saying, brother. | ||
| I'm saying there's a fucking group of people... | ||
| Who've got their fucking claws dug into the force of evolution and they're trying to hold it back to make money. | ||
| Okay, but of all the people that have done LSD, one fucking guy says he figured one thing out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've done an LSD over a hundred times. | |
| I have not learned anything. | ||
| You are not the best example. | ||
| Oh yeah, you're not a good example, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but have you learned something? | |
| Absolutely! | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Okay, okay, about yourself. | ||
| Yes, absolutely. | ||
| Personal insight. | ||
| Personal insight about myself. | ||
| Remember what I'm doing, though. | ||
| I am playing devil's advocate. | ||
| I am a Republican with shiny shoes on, with black socks, and, you know, I'm the guy who is telling you that if you buy drugs, you support terrorism. | ||
| Yeah, no, no, no. | ||
| You tell me. | ||
| One guy, one fucking guy says he invented a PCR method, which you don't even understand why it was on LSD. Okay. | ||
| Okay, so we should have LSD legal because one guy invented something? | ||
| Well, not just LSD. We should have all psychedelics mushrooms as well. | ||
| Right, but when you start throwing around things... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, what about the arts? | |
| What about the arts, devil's advocate? | ||
| Again, I'm just... | ||
| I know, no, I'm not even seeing you now. | ||
| I'm just seeing Chaney. | ||
| What about the fucking arts, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What about him, man? | |
| Does that not count for anything? | ||
| Hey, man! | ||
| What good LSD art do you know of? | ||
| What's the best LSD art? | ||
| Oh, just Jimi Hendrix. | ||
| Well, okay, Jimi Hendrix is more heroin, wasn't he? | ||
| Heroin and cocaine? | ||
| Wasn't he a heroin guy? | ||
| Purple Haze. | ||
| That's pot. | ||
| The song Purple Haze. | ||
| Isn't that pot? | ||
| Dude, Jimi Hendrix was so into fucking LSD. Are you kidding me? | ||
| But Purple Haze, is that pot or is that LSD? Well, it is now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is now, but I don't know. | |
| Purple Haze was acid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Back then, I don't know. | |
| Well, I'm sure he did acid. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| But do you think that that's why he was so good? | ||
| I mean, wasn't he really good when he was a kid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I think it helped. | |
| Jimi Hendrix was a badass fucking guitarist. | ||
| I think it helped him. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No, no, Joe, I know you're playing devil's advocate, but... | ||
| I'm a Republican right now. | ||
| First of all, being devil's advocate is the same thing as being friends with a pedophile. | ||
| I mean, you don't want to be devil's advocate. | ||
| It's the worst force in the universe and always represents everything evil and bad and horrible. | ||
| No, I take the side of an argument that doesn't currently exist at this table because I'm sure some people are screaming it out on Twitter right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| That's what devil's advocate is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, I think for sure psychedelics can help people, but what I think it is, is I think essentially... | ||
| We have access to supercomputers and there's no instruction manuals laying around and there's no teachers to teach you how to use these things. | ||
| So a lot of people are getting great results and they're all scattered and all over the board and they're mixed in with psychosis and bad trips and a lot of fucking freaky things that have happened to people and they've taken the wrong shit and they got a hold of a fake computer. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of people that are... | ||
| And that is because there's a lack of regulation, because there's a lack of understanding, because there's a lack of appreciation for the true effects. | ||
| As human beings, it is... | ||
| Absolutely preposterous that so many people will tell you, like this Cary Mullis guy, or whether Francis Crick was telling you the truth, or whether you're telling me the truth, or I'm telling you the truth, or any of us that have had really positive experiences. | ||
| There's way too many people that are saying that folks can benefit from it for it to stay illegal. | ||
| The people that are stopping it, they don't make any more sense than us. | ||
| It's not like they're the really... | ||
| Wise and cautious and noble and loving overlords that want to protect you from your own folly. | ||
| That is not what's going on because they're talking in ignorant statements. | ||
| Medically it's ignorance. | ||
| There's no evidence to back up what they're saying. | ||
| There's no reason that it makes sense. | ||
| And then when you start throwing numbers at their face like the amount of nonviolent drug offenders that are in jail and how preposterous it is that our society exists where a bunch of people are doing what they want to do that doesn't hurt anybody else and someone decides to lock them in a cage for it. | ||
| Well, that person is... | ||
| Who's doing more harm? | ||
| The guy who's smoking pot or the person who locks him in the fucking cage and destroys their life and does it because it's written on paper somewhere that that's okay. | ||
| Well, that guy is the destructive force. | ||
| The law becomes the destructive force in society, not the drug. | ||
| When you say drugs kill people and drugs, drugs are responsible for a million people in jail right now. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Don't do drugs. | ||
| You won't get locked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no! | |
| Don't put people in cages because they don't agree with you. | ||
| Because they like something. | ||
| They like it so much they're willing to risk freedom because they found themselves in some sort of a situation when they're in an environment that they have no control over whatsoever. | ||
| They were born into this. | ||
| They didn't ask to be. | ||
| Dropped into this preposterous, illogical, nonsensical, ridiculously lopsided and corrupt society. | ||
| And you just accept them to comply. | ||
| You just expect them to comply with these stupid fucking things that are written down on paper that everybody knows makes no sense. | ||
| Well, that's the problem. | ||
| The laws are the problem. | ||
| The laws are destructive. | ||
| The laws are anti-evolutionary. | ||
| The laws are anti-enlightenment. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| It's not the drug. | ||
| It's not pot. | ||
| It's not mushrooms. | ||
| It's the laws against pot and mushrooms. | ||
| Those are a devastating aspect of our society. | ||
| Those are. | ||
| Not the fucking drugs, you dummies. | ||
| Dummies. | ||
| Missed it. | ||
| You missed the whole thing. | ||
| You're not protecting anybody, you fucks. | ||
| And anybody that hasn't done drugs, if you haven't done mushrooms, fucking for sure you shouldn't be a cop. | ||
| No way, man. | ||
| You're gonna be in position of power with a gun and making decisions and you've never done any mushrooms at all. | ||
| You've never had any look at yourself through the eyes of alien intelligence. | ||
| You've never had some objective outside the body experience analyzing all the shitty aspects of your own life. | ||
| How the fuck are you How are you growing? | ||
| How are you developing? | ||
| Are you crawling along and one little stumble after another and one little apology after another and one little break up and make up cycle after another after another where you scream insults at each other and then say, I'm sorry baby, it'll never happen again, I've learned my lesson. | ||
| Is that what you're learning about yourself from your shitty lonely nights eating TV dinners? | ||
| Hoping that your chick's gonna return your pager, or your text message rather, so you can pager. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pager? | |
| That was preposterous. | ||
| It was preposterous. | ||
| But that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Getting someone to respond to you. | ||
| Because you realize that being a cunt makes people not like you anymore. | ||
| So that's how you grow it. | ||
| Instead of seeing it in one big burst, all leaders, all cops, all teachers, All of them should have a psychedelic experience, or they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. | ||
| As a grown adult, if you haven't had a psychedelic experience, I look at you like you're some sort of an infant. | ||
| You do. | ||
| I look at you like you're infantile. | ||
| It's like a form of illiteracy. | ||
| Yeah, it is like a form of awareness illiteracy. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great way to put it, man. | ||
| Awareness illiteracy. | ||
| And it's sad that for some reason they're keeping so many people illiterate, but it's the practice... | ||
| Well, they are illiterate. | ||
| That's why they're doing it. | ||
| They are suffering under their own control and their own, or most of them are. | ||
| I mean, there's a Texas judge who just got arrested for fucking smoking weed. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somebody turned him in in a hotel room. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| Just fired him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fucked up. | |
| I think things are going to change, man. | ||
| I mean, they're like... | ||
| No, they've been saying that since the 30s. | ||
| But they're letting the studies happen again. | ||
| And if they're letting the studies happen again, there's some reason behind that. | ||
| I mean, the studies are happening. | ||
| They're allowing them to happen for the first time. | ||
| And I think 30 or 40 years, they're opening them up against it. | ||
| This government is dangerously suppressive. | ||
| Dangerously suppressive. | ||
| And not so much with civil liberties, like, or rather, with medical marijuana and things along those lines. | ||
| But that's because it's democratic. | ||
| When the ball goes in the opposite court, think about how much power has been given to the government under this democratic regime. | ||
| If we got another Bush, Cheney in office and they started cracking down like John Ashcroft did on the medical marijuana places and using Blackwater to come in mercenaries with fucking machine guns on their hips and taking all the pot and money away. | ||
| If that shit starts happening again... | ||
| Think about how much power Obama has given the government. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's really disgusting and preposterous. | ||
| I mean, if you look at the Huffington Post, there's an article by this guy named Jim Garrison And it's martial law by executive order, not to be confused with Jim Garrison, that thought that Lee Harvey Oswald didn't kill Kennedy. | ||
| Remember that guy, the prosecutor? | ||
| Anyway, this Obama, you know, he passed the National Defense Organization, the NDAA. There's a new executive order called the National Defense Resources Preparedness Executive Order. | ||
| And it does to the country as a whole what the 2012 National Defense Authorization Act did to the Constitution in particular. | ||
| Completely eviscerates any due process or judicial oversight for any action by the government deemed in the interest of national security. | ||
| So they can just say something. | ||
| It's national security. | ||
| Essentially we're under martial law. | ||
| Like, they can just say, it's up to the government now. | ||
| All the checks and balances that were put in place by the Constitution to ensure that there would be no corruption, there would be no ultimate power corrupting ultimately. | ||
| Well, they've removed all that shit. | ||
| And, you know, right now, everybody's like, look, but you're fine. | ||
| No one's dying. | ||
| Nothing's happening. | ||
| The people that you say yes to today may not be the people you say yes to 10 years from now or 20 years from now. | ||
| And these laws are crazy. | ||
| These laws are that we might as well be living in fucking North Korea and that's not ridiculous. | ||
| That's not an exaggeration. | ||
| These are unconstitutional laws. | ||
| And they're not going to stop now. | ||
| They're going to go more and more and with more and more control Until ultimately, the government, which has, by the way, approved the idea of sending drones. | ||
| I think it was 2020. They're going to have 30,000 drones in the sky above North America. | ||
| Constantly watching everything you do. | ||
| Well, have you seen that YouTube video of the swarms of quadricopters? | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, look that up. | ||
| Google quadricopters. | ||
| Pull it up, Brian. | ||
| Holy shit, man. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| So there are these things called quadricopters that they're working on that are just like... | ||
| Exactly like the toys that you see, but much smaller. | ||
| These fucking things, man. | ||
| They can like... | ||
| They move in formation. | ||
| It's this video of them flying in formation. | ||
| Just this swarm of tiny little nano... | ||
| Or tiny quadricopters. | ||
| They can like... | ||
| They can like... | ||
| Turn sideways to go through windows. | ||
| They can go anywhere, man. | ||
| But the scary thing that I never considered was that they can fucking fly in formation. | ||
| That's where it gets weird. | ||
| When you imagine just seeing a swarm of these things descending around your house. | ||
| Checking you out on the street. | ||
| You're just walking down the street and they come in like buzzing. | ||
| Do a quick facial scan to get your fucking face. | ||
| Match it up with like whatever Facebook's doing. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| They know where you are constantly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They know where you live. | |
| They know where you're moving. | ||
| Yeah, so privacy is a... | ||
| It's an escaping thing. | ||
| It's on its way out. | ||
| But the problem is the government. | ||
| These cunts that are running things are going to have so much more power than the average citizen. | ||
| We're going to be under the rule of an oppressive government that has the law on their side because they changed all the fucking paper. | ||
| They changed all the stupid shit that's written down that allows them to do cunty things. | ||
| They changed it all and they put it all in their defense. | ||
| And essentially what they did is the United States is now under martial law. | ||
| But there's no emergency. | ||
| No emergency. | ||
| It doesn't have to have a national emergency to just be under martial law now. | ||
| We're just under martial law. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Why is that? | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| Part of it has got to be because they're losing control. | ||
| That's got to be part of it. | ||
| They feel like the internet and, you know, all this anonymous shit and the hackers and Occupy. | ||
| It's like, what is this? | ||
| Spell it out for them. | ||
| Tell them what it is. | ||
| I think it's Q-U-A-D-R-A Copter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it is. | |
| Quadrocopter Swarm. | ||
| Maybe someone will tweet it. | ||
| Someone tweeted it to me. | ||
| It freaked me out for a week. | ||
| I showed it to Eddie Bravo at the UFC and his face went white. | ||
| He just was like, what the fuck? | ||
| Swarm of nanoquadros? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's nanoquadrators. | ||
| Yeah, there we go. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Just watch. | ||
| It gets better. | ||
| That's just one of these fucking things. | ||
| Get ready, man. | ||
| Those things are probably going to eat your baby one day. | ||
| Ooh, that sound. | ||
| When you hear that sound, you know you're about to get busted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| They just fly around and maneuver. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Multiple vehicles can fly as a formation. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's really cool. | |
| Dude, this is terrifying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gross, it's gonna sound like NASCAR all over the place. | |
| We developed a method to transition between formations in 3D. Folks, you have to see this because what you're not seeing is these guys are moving in perfect geometrical patterns. | ||
| They move in these formations and they're showing it from overhead and it's amazing. | ||
| Their precision is incredible. | ||
| This is terrifying. | ||
| And by the way, this is only, like, version 1. You know, this is like the first iPhone. | ||
| Wait till they get smaller, man. | ||
| Wait till they get smaller. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| I wonder how long they can stay in the air for. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They're moving in a figure 8. A perfect figure 8. Oh, my God. | ||
| This is spectacular. | ||
| This is really scary stuff. | ||
| Scary shit, man. | ||
| Now look at them building. | ||
| Look up quadrocopter building a structure. | ||
| They can build shit, man. | ||
| They can actually pick shit up and start gluing it. | ||
| They can actually build structures. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's what Kurzweil was talking about, man. | ||
| Because when those things shrink down enough so that they can... | ||
| Imagine just a pile of fucking Legos and a shitload of those fucking things. | ||
| And they could actually form matter. | ||
| That's where it gets really cool. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Think about that, forming matter. | ||
| That's where it gets weird when you've got a computer directing swarms of those things to construct architecture that humans couldn't even make, you know, like weird fucking geometries that can only happen when a computer is in control of the building process. | ||
| If it ever gets to that point, it might be that you just start fucking killing people. | ||
| Well, that's a funny thing, man. | ||
| People always say that about computers where they're like, they're just going to kill us. | ||
| But I guess it's, I don't think it's going to be the computers. | ||
| It would be the things controlling them. | ||
| Like people automatically assume when the machine inevitably wakes up, it's going to want to kill us. | ||
| Well, we're a plague. | ||
| If it looked at the environment it's living in and realized that this massive overpopulating entity that's spilling all its bullshit into the sea and eating all the fucking animals that live in it, and then they'll just calculate, how long can this last? | ||
| Well, it can't at this rate. | ||
| So they'll just start eating the cunts. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I don't think that's how it fucking works. | ||
| Maybe it would be great. | ||
| Maybe we would eliminate cunts. | ||
| No, I don't even... | ||
| Just pull people out of the sky. | ||
| Cunts just get sucked out of the sky. | ||
| They're watching. | ||
| They're watching everything. | ||
| The machines are watching everything, and when you litter, and when you're a shithead, and when you beat your wife, you just get sucked out of the sky. | ||
| You get downvoted. | ||
| Yeah, you get a certain number of negatives. | ||
| Downvotes, like on Reddit. | ||
| If you get, as a person, a certain number of downvotes, they carry you into space. | ||
| Yeah, your rep points. | ||
| You get blocked by a certain amount of people. | ||
| Yeah, blocked. | ||
| Is this them building this thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh my god, this is incredible. | ||
| It's like Wally shit. | ||
| Well, the thing that they're building is this enormous Lego building that's really cool looking. | ||
| Those blocks have glue on them or something. | ||
| And by the way, this is just the beginning of that shit. | ||
| That didn't exist 20 years ago. | ||
| There was no hope of that 20 years ago. | ||
| 20 years from now, But dude, check this out. | ||
| Have you ever seen the video of that there's a machine that you can take to the desert that someone made? | ||
| It's solar powered because there's so much energy and it focuses the energy of the sun in the desert to turn sand into blocks. | ||
| It can burn sand into blocks. | ||
| So now imagine this. | ||
| Combine those fucking things with solar panels and a thing that can use an infinite amount of sand in the desert to make blocks. | ||
| Those things could fly out in the fucking desert and make infinitely gigantic structures with endless fucking energy. | ||
| Just the combination of those two technologies at the rudimentary level that they're at now if we could fucking figure out how to make them solar powered. | ||
| Yeah, solar is really interesting. | ||
| It's hit a wall in a lot of ways. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I googled solar power sand blocks and it came up with Minecraft. | ||
| Solar power is not really strong enough for a lot of shit right now. | ||
| Most people can't have all their electricity through solar power. | ||
| A lot of people use... | ||
| I have a friend who uses a combination of solar and wind. | ||
| And he actually develops enough from... | ||
| He lives in Oregon. | ||
| He develops enough from that that he actually sells it back to the grid. | ||
| Which I don't understand. | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
| How do you do that? | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| Yeah, I don't get it. | ||
| How do you, what, sell electricity back? | ||
| He sells it back. | ||
| They pay him. | ||
| Yeah, there's a meter on it that regulates it going in, but you can also have it fitted so it regulates how much it's going out. | ||
| Yeah, so he adds, you know, so the local power plant or whatever is supplying them. | ||
| Power doesn't have to work as hard. | ||
| That's so fucking weird, man. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| That you can turn wind into money. | ||
| Well, have you ever been, there's certain parts of California where we have filmed some fear factors where they have these... | ||
| These huge, like, they look like a farm of these wind things, these windmills, like a windmill farm. | ||
| And there's a shitload of them just sitting up on a hill. | ||
| And they power the area. | ||
| I don't know how much they power, how many structures, how many buildings, but it's enough that a lot of shit is getting powered by the wind. | ||
| Yeah, it's really a trip well, it's really windy out there too So it's it's a smart thing to do like even as you come like out here towards Pasadena and you head up to 210 Yeah When you go through that whole mountainy passy area where it's like you lose your cell phone signal fucking beautiful out there Yep windy as fuck a lot of people have like real wind problems even out here like remember when It they had a problem really recently the wind knocked down a lot of power cables and past you know Yeah, Pasadena got fucked by wind. | ||
| I got trapped here. | ||
| I couldn't even leave the place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Why? | ||
| Wind? | ||
| From the wind, it was too bad. | ||
| Seriously, the street out front here was trees flying down the street, things flying off the roofs, like metal things and awnings and poles. | ||
| So you stayed in the studio? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I couldn't even get to my car. | |
| Wow. | ||
| It was too scary, man. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It was deadly outside. | ||
| It was like being in a tornado. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, seriously, it was really bad. | ||
| Nothing like a tornado. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Next time you go out in this back door over here, look at the billboard. | |
| This billboard was just ripping apart, and it was like this super old billboard, and it was shaking like this, and things were just flying off of it. | ||
| That's really powerful, but it's nothing like a fucking tornado. | ||
| There's been tornadoes that were hit or hit cities in the middle of the night and literally made the city disappear. | ||
| Especially towns, like small towns in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| They say that the heat of cities actually prevents tornadoes. | ||
| It's just all the structure and the way it's built and the heat coming off of it apparently doesn't work in cities. | ||
| Do you believe any of that weather control shit they talk about? | ||
| What's the name of that? | ||
| Kim Charles? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You need Eddie Bravo on here for this conversation. | ||
| Do you believe in that? | ||
| They've been trying to actually... | ||
| I know they do it in China, don't they? | ||
| They've been playing around trying to make it rain, and you can put certain particles into the air that actually makes it rain. | ||
| Well, they're for sure doing that. | ||
| Silver oxide or something? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some kind of weird... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they for sure have done that in Abu Dhabi. | ||
| They did it more than 50 times last year. | ||
| I think they did it once a week last year. | ||
| They made it rain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't remember what the exact chemical they use, but there's something where they can line the clouds with something silver. | ||
| I don't remember what it is. | ||
| But they line the clouds with this shit, and it makes it rain. | ||
| So it's so odd to think about... | ||
| Nickel? | ||
| Nickel, I don't know. | ||
| But it's really fucking odd to think about the fact that they're just starting to learn to control the weather. | ||
| They're just starting to learn to control the weather. | ||
| They're just starting to learn to have endless amounts of energy. | ||
| So if we were to evolve and advance without blowing each other up, we could eventually be a planet that has full control of its weather patterns. | ||
| Cloud seeding can actually be done by ground generators. | ||
| A plane or it can be done by a rocket. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Silver iodide, dry ice, solid carbon dioxide. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That Pasadena storm was 80 miles per hour. | |
| A F1 tornado is 73 miles per hour. | ||
| So it's pretty close. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's faster than an F1. What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's how fast? | ||
|
unidentified
|
F1 starts at 73 miles per hour and that Pasadena storm is 80 miles per hour. | |
| Oh, I thought you had them reversed. | ||
| So it's faster than a tornado? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was like an F1 tornado. | |
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That doesn't even make sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, there's different levels of tornadoes. | |
| Oh, so there's like bitch-ass tornadoes that don't even kill anybody? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, not really. | |
| Bitch-ass. | ||
| That would make them good tornadoes. | ||
| That's a good tornado, Joe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's like the beginning of a hurricane winds. | |
| They've even used liquid propane to make it rain. | ||
| Expands into a gas. | ||
| It's also been used. | ||
| This can produce ice crystals at higher temperatures than silver iodide. | ||
| The use of... | ||
| Hygroscopic materials such as salt is becoming more popular after promising research. | ||
| Citation needed. | ||
| Seeding of cows requires that they contain supercooled liquid water. | ||
| That is that liquid water colder than zero degrees Celsius. | ||
| The introduction of a substance such as silver iodide, which has crystalline structure similar to that of ice, will induce freezing nucleation. | ||
| Dry ice or propane expansion cools the air to such an extent that the ice crystals can nucleate Spontaneously from the vapor phase Wow, this is crazy dude in the future people are terrified dude in the fucking future you might be able to send your name your personal nanobots swarm out of your house into the clouds above your house and make a little personal thundershower happen above your house and Yeah, you probably will be able to. | ||
| That's how much we're gonna... | ||
| But it probably pulls water from farmers, you know? | ||
| It's probably like... | ||
| I mean, where does that... | ||
| Like when you go to a place like Abu Dhabi, which is in the desert, and all of a sudden they're making it rain, what are they doing? | ||
| Where's that water coming from? | ||
| Is somebody else getting fucked over? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But anyway, does that other person deserve that water? | ||
| I mean, who fucking deserves the water? | ||
| The smart man who figures out how to pull it out of the sky? | ||
| Or some shithead who just camps out next to it and is like, this is my water! | ||
| Hope I get lucky! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is where my water is. | |
| It's only mine. | ||
| I found this spot in the dirt and I claim it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I think the guy who pulls it out of the sky should win. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Fuck that stupid car. | ||
| Well, anyone who can make it rain. | ||
| Sitting next to the puddle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, there is some cloud seeding. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| It's science. | ||
| Whether or not that shit is happening in Burbank every day, like Eddie Bravo thinks it is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, that's why it gets tricky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not it. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you think it is? | ||
| Fucking airplanes. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Contrails. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, it's funny because it's always near an airport. | |
| Like, I live in Burbank. | ||
| I see it all the time because I live by Burbank. | ||
| Well, that's because, dude, you don't even understand. | ||
| That's the government is spraying the sky. | ||
| Who are the pilots? | ||
| I just want to know who the pilots are. | ||
| So there are these pilots who are flying over the city and they're like, let's dump poison on people. | ||
| I don't think they're doing it for the good of the country. | ||
| They think they're creating clouds for us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think they're doing it as much as people. | |
| Go make clouds, Johnny. | ||
| The insurance companies have to pay money on skin cancer, and it's way cheaper if we have clouds everywhere. | ||
| We've got to cover it up. | ||
| We don't want sunburns to happen. | ||
| I think what I've read and what's been explained to me by pilots is that under certain conditions, there's a certain amount of moisture in the air, and it gets churned up in the turbines of a jet engine, and it comes out looking like clouds, and it stays in the sky for a while. | ||
| It's churned up water. | ||
| Can I tell you what the real fucking conspiracy is? | ||
| Please do. | ||
| I figured it out. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's the conspiracy of all conspiracies. | ||
| What is? | ||
| It's your inability to stop your hand from putting shit into your mouth. | ||
| That's the conspiracy, dude. | ||
| It's the fact that people can't control their fucking hand and are always shoving poison into their mouth and eating shitty things and smoking shitty things and taking bad pills. | ||
| I thought this was going to be profound. | ||
| I feel like that is profound, man. | ||
| I can remember talking to a guy who believed in chemtrails. | ||
| Have some discipline. | ||
| Well, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| I was talking to a guy who believed in chemtrails, and he was smoking a cigarette while he was telling me about the poisons that the government's dumping. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, Michael Rupert. | ||
| We had Michael Rupert in here. | ||
| He's smoking like crazy. | ||
| Talking about conspiracies. | ||
| Alex Jones smokes. | ||
| You're poisoning yourself, man! | ||
| You're killing yourself! | ||
| Like, maybe there is some kind of, like, evil external force that's trying to destroy you, but really, you're the one shoveling the poison into your fucking, into your pie hole. | ||
| Yeah, for sure it's gonna kill you. | ||
| You're aiding them by bringing these troops into your body, saying, one day I'm gonna fight them off, but not now. | ||
| Right now, I just need this fucking Sig to try to figure out how to beat these motherfuckers. | ||
| Time for my fourth cupcake. | ||
| Oh, this is good. | ||
| Gonna drink. | ||
| Let's have 17 beers today. | ||
| Well, again, I think it comes back to what we were talking about earlier about the Native Americans having a much better sense of their connection with the food that they're eating. | ||
| And that, for us, that whole hunter-gatherer thing is out the window. | ||
| I go to the Vons and I pick up meat and I go to the... | ||
| Get myself a nice salad, and that's it. | ||
| I didn't have to pick anything. | ||
| I didn't have to go get my water in bottles because all the water is poison. | ||
| You can't drink it. | ||
| People die occasionally. | ||
| Yeah, totally, dude. | ||
| It's just so funny, though, that so many people writhing in physical discomfort because they're too fat, or they don't exercise, or they don't eat right, are upset about a conspiracy that the government is involved in that's trying... | ||
| To take away their happiness or their freedom or dumb them down. | ||
| It's like, no, no, no. | ||
| You don't exercise. | ||
| You eat at McDonald's. | ||
| You smoke cigarettes. | ||
| Your house is fucking filthy. | ||
| That's the shit you should worry about first. | ||
| Fix that conspiracy. | ||
| Solve that problem. | ||
| Stop that conspiracy from happening and then worry about the fucking chemtrails. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've been obsessed lately with this Finding Bigfoot show. | ||
| I've been watching this show left and right and it leads me to sometimes stone tweets in the middle of the night mocking them and everybody and myself and how fucking stupid I am for watching this show. | ||
| It is a psychological study, and one of the psychological studies is who are these people that are believing in Bigfoot? | ||
| Who are these people that are leading these guys? | ||
| And this is what we saw, and we're standing here, and it comes out, and they never ask these dudes. | ||
| They never go, okay, what do you think about ghosts? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Do you believe in UFOs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What about psychics? | ||
| Do you, you know, how do you feel about, you know, what do you think? | ||
| Do you think chemtrails are real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, what do you think happened in Area 51? | ||
| What do you think is in Hangar 18? | ||
| Get to the bottom of what the messenger is, because a lot of times the messenger who's giving you this really crazy, preposterous, outrageous story They lean towards that shit. | ||
| They want that shit to be real. | ||
| They might not even be lying. | ||
| But they might be just seeing shit in the woods just because they're fucking wired for that. | ||
| They want to see it. | ||
| They want to believe. | ||
| They want to. | ||
| And they can't be fucking trusted. | ||
| When they go to these... | ||
| Finding Bigfoot, they go to these local town halls and shit. | ||
| They go, alright, who here has seen a Sasquatch? | ||
| And these motherfuckers raise their hands. | ||
| And I'm like, you assholes are missing the whole real show. | ||
| The whole real show, it can't be done by them because they are the people that they're... | ||
| The whole real show is a bunch of fucking people that want to believe in Bigfoot so bad. | ||
| They're out in the woods. | ||
| That's a squash. | ||
| That was definitely a squash. | ||
| They yell out. | ||
| They're yelling out in the fucking woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. | ||
| And then they hear something. | ||
| Do you hear that? | ||
| Hear something knock? | ||
| Something's knocking. | ||
| They hear like... | ||
| Who knows what? | ||
| It could be a producer throwing a rock. | ||
| That's a squash. | ||
| That's definitely a squash. | ||
| This is squash country. | ||
| That's a squash. | ||
| What else do you believe in, dude? | ||
| What do you do at night when you go to bed? | ||
| What is going on in your mind? | ||
| What are you hoping for? | ||
| Do you believe in aliens? | ||
| What do you believe? | ||
| Do you believe in ghosts? | ||
| Do you believe in vampires? | ||
| Are vampires real? | ||
| How much other crazy shit do you believe in? | ||
| I think that... | ||
| It's more logical to believe in aliens than to believe in Bigfoot. | ||
| Not necessarily. | ||
| Bigfoot is a, first of all, Jane Goodall was a firm believer in Bigfoot and actually stated that, you know, the famous primate expert stated that it must be real. | ||
| That there's too many sightings of the same animal all over the world and it is very possible that there is enough area that hasn't been discovered or is too densely wooded that it support a large primate like that if it was intelligent and new to hide from people. | ||
| There's 250 different names for it in North America, in the American Indian language. | ||
| That's big, because there's not a lot of shit that's not real that they don't have names for. | ||
| And it's based on a real animal. | ||
| We're going to get a guy in here that's a fucking expert on it, which means nothing. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I'm an expert on some shit that's probably not real anymore. | ||
| Gigantopithecus, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is going to be great, because I'm a Loch Ness monster. | |
| You are? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of California, yeah. | |
| Of California? | ||
| Did you get a license for that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I have Photoshop. | |
| If you look at the stories that have gone back to a long, long fucking time in history, for sure some people saw bears, they shit their pants, they thought it was a person, and they made up a story. | ||
| For sure, sometimes people remember things. | ||
| In our own lives we know this. | ||
| My mom is terrible at remembering things that really happened. | ||
| I'll tell my mom something, that didn't happen. | ||
| I know it happened. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| I remember it. | ||
| For sure it happened. | ||
| But she will swear. | ||
| I mean, you show her pictures of it, and she'll go, huh. | ||
| Well, I don't remember that. | ||
| When we did that game show in my head show, and I told you we got people to talk about UFOs, got them to make up a UFO story because we pretended to be a news guy that had gotten there too late. | ||
| Would you mind pretending that you saw the UFO? People just started talking, man. | ||
| Just so excited they were going to get on television. | ||
| people trouncing through the woods. | ||
| I'm looking at a bunch of people that are lonely. | ||
| They don't have any real purpose in their life. | ||
| These people that don't have real good friends, this one weird guy with his poor fucking kid and his kid was like, my dad might be crazy sitting here talking about we saw Bigfoot What the fuck did we really see? | ||
| My dad's a liar. | ||
| My dad's claiming we saw Bigfoot and then the kids sort of lying along with it. | ||
| You can watch them. | ||
| You look at the insincerity in their words. | ||
| They had a guy on the other day just gay as fuck. | ||
| Just beyond gay. | ||
| Just a crazy flock of seagulls, haircut, lisp, everything. | ||
| Wandering through the woods, seeing Bigfoot. | ||
| You know, like, sure you did, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck, man? | |
| You're crazy. | ||
| You insane asshole. | ||
| I can't believe that show exists, man. | ||
| It sounds hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like Ghost Hunters. | |
| It's so bad. | ||
| Exactly like Ghost Hunters, in that all those shows feature night vision and nothing. | ||
| That's all you need. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| It's just a house and night vision. | ||
| It seems creepy. | ||
| Yeah, I was having a Twitter exchange with this chick the other day, and we were going off about how to combine the two shows and just make it a porno. | ||
| And that's really what it is. | ||
| It's a bunch of lonely people. | ||
| Night vision, unkempt pubes, fatty, sweaty bodies, and night vision loads. | ||
| Loneliness, dude. | ||
| They're all pretending to hear things. | ||
| I heard something. | ||
| Come in here real quick. | ||
| And then they fuck. | ||
| They get in a corner in the darkness and they just, I think I heard something. | ||
| I think you're fingering me. | ||
| Yeah, you like that? | ||
| You think that'll keep the ghosts away? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| I think it'll keep the ghosts away if you suck my cock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Scare them. | ||
| Scare them with your boldness. | ||
| And then they fuck in the darkness. | ||
| They fuck in the darkness. | ||
| And then the guy has to get away. | ||
| Then they, you know, after the guy comes, he's like, I just fucking heard something for real. | ||
| Holy shit, I'm not kidding now. | ||
| And he runs out of the room. | ||
| That's how they get out of it. | ||
| Because after you come, you know, the girl wants to cuddle. | ||
| She's like, we can't cuddle. | ||
| We're in the fucking... | ||
| We're in a haunted house. | ||
| I heard something! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus, it's real! | |
| And he just runs. | ||
| She's like, you didn't hear shit! | ||
| Give me the night vision! | ||
| She can't see. | ||
| She's stuck in the fucking basement in the corner. | ||
| And this guy's like, come on! | ||
| I'll tell you, warmer! | ||
| You're getting towards the door! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Warmer! | |
| Give me the night vision! | ||
| I can't fucking see! | ||
| Boom! | ||
| She hits the wall, starts screaming. | ||
| No more pussy for him. | ||
| That's a weird show, Joe. | ||
| They pretend to hear things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was that? | |
| What was that? | ||
| How many of those shows have they said, what was that? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| It was you being a crazy asshole alone, either in the woods or in a basement, either looking for Bigfoot or a ghost. | ||
| Dude, fuck all that shit. | ||
| Think about the fact that the Catholic Church still does exorcisms. | ||
| Think about that shit, dude. | ||
| Fucking Catholic priests will... | ||
| Right now, there's probably a priest in somebody's house getting a demon out of somebody's body. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| Fucking Bigfoot, fine. | ||
| Aliens, fine. | ||
| There's guys dressed as god clowns waving around symbols in front of little kids' faces to try to get imaginary demons to go out of them. | ||
| What's really amazing is there's way more priests out there fucking kids than there are doing exorcists. | ||
| Way more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Way more. | |
| That's a fucked up statistic. | ||
| We need to figure out if that's true, man. | ||
| Oh, for sure it is. | ||
| For sure it is. | ||
| So there's more priests molesting kids and they are getting the demons out of kids. | ||
| Well, we were talking about on the podcast with Joey, we were talking about how people who run martial arts schools, often it's very culty. | ||
| And the guy who is at the head is the master and is almost beyond reproach. | ||
| And that a lot of times weird sexual shit happens because of that. | ||
| Because it becomes like a cult. | ||
| Well, that is exactly what happens in the Catholic Church. | ||
| And even in martial arts schools, people try to keep things under wraps. | ||
| There's always dark secrets of this guy fucking a student and fucking one of his students who's married and the husband finds out about it. | ||
| There's always those kind of scandals. | ||
| Very cult-like. | ||
| And with every real controlling cult, there's an element of sexuality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| And it's usually creepy. | ||
| It's not like a peace, love, you know, everyone polyamorous and whether sexual or non, you know, everything is just about non-judgmental affection. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Most of it's not. | ||
| Most of it's creepy. | ||
| It's victim sex. | ||
| Dude, and then think about this. | ||
| Take it back to the story that it comes from, whether it's real or not. | ||
| The story the Catholic Church comes from, name one guy dressed like a gnome in that story. | ||
| Name one guy wearing a big golden flowing cape and holding a funny thing and marching around with fucking the purple velvet on and fucking walking around on red carpets and giant golden palaces. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where? | |
| Find that in the New Testament. | ||
| Find anything even remotely like the rituals outside the Holy Communion. | ||
| Find anything. | ||
| It's... | ||
| Especially all the audacious use of gold and money and spending. | ||
| Think about all the different gigantic Roman Colosseum, the Sistine Chapel, or think of any of the things of the construction in Rome, any of the stuff that's at the Vatican. | ||
| That's like a really elaborate, expensive, gaudy, non-Christian shit. | ||
| Think of what else could have been done with all that energy. | ||
| But they're like, you know what? | ||
| Yeah, Jesus wanted us to have a beautiful, giant, golden palace where I could sit on a fucking throne and fuck kids! | ||
| Jesus wants me to fuck kids on red velvet. | ||
| Yeah, it's just what he wants. | ||
| That's the story. | ||
| By the way, this attitude is really offending a lot of people on Twitter. | ||
| There's a lot of Christians that have sent me texts saying, I wish you would remind me or at least warn us that before you go on these horrible anti-Christian rants that destroy our culture. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| See, I'm not talking about Christianity. | ||
| I'm talking about the cult of Loon Loon, which is... | ||
| You're talking about Christianity. | ||
| That's not... | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| I know what you got. | ||
| You're pushing your Loon Loon brand. | ||
| That's not my... | ||
| Are you going to sell t-shirts? | ||
| Are you selling Loon Loon t-shirts soon? | ||
| No, you're selling posters. | ||
| I am selling posters. | ||
| Not a bad idea selling the fucking t-shirts, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| But no man, it's not my Loom Loom brand. | ||
| It's the fucking church's brand. | ||
| I would never take it from that. | ||
| But dude, that's not what I view as real Christianity. | ||
| Because if you look at a lot of the Christianities that some people follow, it's based on a lot of the writings of somebody named Paul, who never met Jesus. | ||
| He was a persecuted Christian, and he was walking on the road to Damascus. | ||
| He saw a vision. | ||
| His name was Saul of Tarsus, and he saw a vision of Jesus. | ||
| Jesus appeared in the sky and said, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? | ||
| And at that moment, Saul was filled with the glory of the Lord, and he was blinded. | ||
| And he wandered and found some Christians, found him, and his name became Paul. | ||
| And he was the founder of the modern Christian church. | ||
| And he wrote all these letters about what it is to be in the spirit of Christ and to be with Christ. | ||
| But he never met God outside of in that vision. | ||
| So essentially he was like Jimmy Swaggart, but a long time ago. | ||
| Remember when Swaggart? | ||
| Was it Swaggart or Pat Robertson that saw the 90-foot-tall Jesus? | ||
| I don't know, but he had a vision. | ||
| Paul of Tarsus had a vision, and I don't know which one, but yeah, that's where it came from. | ||
| It wasn't from the original teachings, you know? | ||
| The original teachings don't... | ||
| I'm sorry if I'm offending people. | ||
| It's really weird, though, that... | ||
| Oh, it was Oral Roberts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oral Roberts. | |
| He had 900-foot-tall Jesus in 1977, which is when he would have been around. | ||
| That was when 900-foot-tall Jesus was touring this part of the galaxy. | ||
| Touring the fucking galaxy, man. | ||
| And coming to Oral Roberts in the middle of the desert and showing himself. | ||
| But it's really interesting to think about that when you realize that it's like, so a lot of people call what's after the Gospels, the epistles, which a lot of them call that Paulian theology. | ||
| It's not Christianity. | ||
| It's based on, because here's the big problem that Christians ran into. | ||
| In many verses in the Bible, Jesus said, before some of you die, I'm going to be back. | ||
| And he didn't come back. | ||
| And some of the disciples started dying. | ||
| And then it's like, wait a minute, he's not coming back. | ||
| What are we going to do? | ||
| And they had to reorganize shit and turn it into something that was like, that made more sense, which is to deal with some basic problems and what Christ, if he existed in that story, said was going to happen. | ||
| And now we've got the bank robber syndrome. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| It's the bank robber thing. | ||
| What? | ||
| When somebody robs a bank, they say, everybody get on the fucking ground and don't move. | ||
| I'm gonna walk out of here and I'm gonna come back in two minutes. | ||
| And if any of you have moved, I'm gonna blow your fucking brains out. | ||
| This is what a bank robber does when he's robbing a bank. | ||
| This is what Jesus did when he said, I'm gonna be back really soon. | ||
| And if anyone's misbehaving, you're going to hell forever. | ||
| And that's been going on for a long fucking time, man. | ||
| And it's probably going to keep going on and on and on. | ||
| And each time it advances down a generation, it gets weirder and weirder and weirder. | ||
| So now we've got a guy dressed like a fucking gnome, feeling totally cool sitting in a golden throne when there's people all over the planet starving. | ||
| And somehow that guy is a disciple of a person who went around saying, love your neighbor as yourself and love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul. | ||
| By the way, clear evidence that he harbored child molesters. | ||
| Clear evidence that he derailed investigations and moved people around when he was, whatever the fuck he was, a bishop or whatever the fuck he was when he was doing this. | ||
| He was in Phoenix. | ||
| Ratzinger, you cunt. | ||
| You fucking creepy bitch. | ||
| Have you ever seen the pictures of him with the male gymnasts, the acrobats? | ||
| Yeah, I honestly still think that that was CGI'd in because my brain can't... | ||
| It seems fake. | ||
| It's fake, right? | ||
| No, it's totally real. | ||
| No, it's totally real. | ||
| How did Pope, how did all that, how did Catholicism become the leading sort of power worldwide of Christianity? | ||
| Because there's all the other forms of Christianity, they seem to be much more scattered. | ||
| Like there's not like one heavy-duty dude at the head of it like Catholicism. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right. | ||
| Who's the main guy in Episcopalian? | ||
| Who's the main guy in the Baptists? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Do they have bishops? | ||
| There's no main guy like the Catholic Pope. | ||
| There is a hierarchy in the Episcopal Church. | ||
| Yeah, but nothing like the... | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Worldwide recognized the Pope is the top dog. | ||
| How did that get to be the strongest, most powerful form of Christianity? | ||
| Which is, by the way, also... | ||
| The most nuts, the most fucking crazy, judgmental, the most guilt-ridden, injecting horrible feelings of sorrow into little boys' heads because they touched their penis. | ||
| Joe, is there a statistic on what percentage of priests molest kids? | ||
| No one knows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
89% I think it was. | |
| No one knows. | ||
| But we must know a certain number of them. | ||
| I don't think they do. | ||
| It comes up all the time. | ||
| I don't think they can. | ||
| I don't think they know. | ||
| But is there a number of priests that have gotten incarcerated for molesting kids? | ||
| What's that number? | ||
| How many is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
97, I think. | |
| 97? | ||
| 97%. | ||
| Don't listen to him. | ||
| Listen to who you're talking to. | ||
| 20% of the allegations the priest was deceased. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| I'm just curious if there's an actual number. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It can't be. | |
| What percentage of priests abuse? | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's see. | |
| What do they think here? | ||
| They don't know, man. | ||
| Well, there's certainly a certain number of priests who've been charged. | ||
| I mean, I know that. | ||
| The story's come up, so there's got to be some number. | ||
| I'm just wondering how many. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's only four. | ||
| They're concluding their... | ||
| I thought it said 40%. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| My brain blipped for a second. | ||
| percent of the US priests since 1950 have been accused of sexual abuse of children. | ||
| However, here's the caveats. | ||
| There are probably many victims who remain silent and not yet come forward to accuse their abusers. | ||
| There are probably some adults who have come forward to accuse priests who have false recovered memories of abuse that never happened. | ||
| So they could be both ways. | ||
| There may be some adults who knowingly, falsely accuse innocent priests of abuse. | ||
| But dude, imagine this. | ||
| Imagine if 4% of people who work at Apple stores had been accused of molesting kids. | ||
| Yeah, I used that on stage before about NASCAR drivers. | ||
| I was saying a mass organization of NASCAR drivers running around... | ||
| In circles with their cars and then fucking kids. | ||
| We would say, we don't need NASCAR. This is ridiculous. | ||
| I'm sure that 4% of Apple employees probably molest kids because they're the computer nerds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They don't get laid. | |
| That's not even funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm being serious there. | |
| No, no. | ||
| 4% of Apple employees don't fuck kids, dude. | ||
| It's a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny percentage of people in the whole world. | ||
| Who are child molesters. | ||
| It's really small. | ||
| The problem is when it happens, it's fucking devastating. | ||
| So if it's one in a community of a million people, that's a lot. | ||
| If it's one in a thousand, it's a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you looked at the app that shows you all from here? | |
| There's like 300 in Burbank. | ||
| Yeah, well, how many millions of people live in Burbank, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not millions, I don't think. | |
| How many people do you think live in Burbank? | ||
| Let's say population of Burbank. | ||
| I'm going to go 500,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to do Siri. | |
| This is something I've been trying to figure out for years. | ||
| I can't wait to hear the answer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is the population of Burbank, California? | |
| 103,340. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This might answer your question. | |
| Yeah, I got you, bitch. | ||
| 103,340 in 2010. So, out of that, how many pedos are in Burbank? | ||
| Isn't that a song? | ||
| It should be. | ||
| Some hipster song. | ||
| Some ironic hipster song about pedos. | ||
| Yeah, I'd probably say 400. There's an uncomfortable number of people that have fucked kids. | ||
| Any number, yeah. | ||
| It's all pretty disgusting and terrifying, really. | ||
| That's one of the first things that we should eradicate, because that's something that fucks kids up for the rest of their life. | ||
| And then if they lash out and start doing it on new kids, then they become, we talked about this, that it's like a vampire. | ||
| It's like real vampires. | ||
| Like you actually do infect someone and make them what you are, a monster. | ||
| It transmits itself, and it's been being transmitted for a fucking long time, man. | ||
| It's been being transmitted for generations. | ||
| It's such a gross thing. | ||
| It's such a broken thing. | ||
| And it has roots in primate behavior. | ||
| That's what's really fucked up about it. | ||
| Sexuality is so strange. | ||
| And in our world, it's so unnatural because we're actually covering our bodies up. | ||
| We hide our genitals. | ||
| We have this weird sort of a combinatory lifestyle of natural animal urges mixed with this higher self and consciousness and language and the awareness of the impact of your words and deeds and physical acts on other people and that you're putting out a negative energy and a negative vibe and we discourage that in our communities and discourage that in our laws. | ||
| But the reality is, we have these fucking urges to fuck, and they're not regulated. | ||
| They're not, like, no one's, like, recognizing that. | ||
| Like, hey, you know, we need to, like, why is prostitution bad? | ||
| Someone explain that to me. | ||
| If someone, you know, needs money, and someone has a mouth, you know, and they go, you know what, I can make a lot of money with this mouth, and what is worse, working at Wendy's for a week and making $300, or sucking a guy's dick for 10 minutes and making $500? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And a lot of people will go, I would rather suck this guy's dick. | ||
| And this guy, he's some poor guy who's horny, you know? | ||
| And it's like you give him a mouth massage on his dick, and he blows a load in your mouth, and he's so happy. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He's so released. | ||
| Like, that was so good. | ||
| And he gives you a $100 tip. | ||
| Now you made $600. | ||
| Why is that bad? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Why is it okay to do that for free? | ||
| How come if she meets that guy and she likes him, she blows him and it's the greatest thing that ever happened? | ||
| Then that's fine. | ||
| But if she meets that guy and he's like, listen, I have 500 bucks and I would like to get my dick sucked and I know you're hard on money and you want to make a deal? | ||
| Why is that bad? | ||
| Well, yeah, it's a... | ||
| What are you wowing? | ||
| I just found a website that tells you how many sex offenders are in each city in Los Angeles, and it's pretty shocking at the highest numbered one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, so Burbank has 1,875 sex offenders. | |
| That's more than 1%. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Beverly Hills. | |
| Wasn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beverly Hills is the highest. | |
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
With 4,903, which is weird because Beverly Hills, there's more people that live in Burbank than Beverly Hills, right? | |
| That's a good question. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird, it also means they have cash. | |
| Yeah, so money. | ||
| Equals, that's kind of weird. | ||
| Pasadena here, we got uh... | ||
| Beverly Hills pedophiles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
1,306? | |
| Yeah, because I mean, Beverly Hills, the houses are spread apart. | ||
| There's not as many people crammed in. | ||
| Yeah, there's only 34,000 people living in Beverly Hills. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And they have 4,903. | ||
| You guys, we have figured out two crazy fucking things in this podcast. | ||
| Number one, Coca-Cola is making the majority of cocaine in the world. | ||
| And number two, Beverly Hills is filled with pedophiles! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's groundbreaking shit, man. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| We need to spark up and think about this. | ||
| This is just too heavy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, we might actually have people coming here for the next show. | |
| Whatever with those faggots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you want to eat? | |
| I'm not supposed to say faggots anymore. | ||
| I apologize. | ||
| Can't say it anymore, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You banned that word. | |
| I did. | ||
| But when it's my friends, every now and then I'll slip one out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Plus, they're all retarded. | |
| Just because it sounds great. | ||
| You know what actually got me saying it a couple times just to my friends is goddamn Stanhope's new CD. Really funny, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, before turning the gun on himself, it's called. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, so funny. | |
| It's really good. | ||
| Great title. | ||
| I think it's Stanhope's best work, but he says faggot in it a couple times. | ||
| I'm like, God, I missed that word. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Beautiful word. | ||
| It's just, the problem is, it's associated as a gay slur. | ||
| And even though I have a lot of, like, pro-gay stuff in my act, especially now, I have a lot of, still, you can't say it. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| You can't say it right now, man. | ||
| You just can't. | ||
| I never liked it. | ||
| It's a fucking shitty. | ||
| It's a great word. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like calling my animals. | |
| You didn't like it because you got called it a few too many times. | ||
| I set you up for that one. | ||
| But no, that's not... | ||
| It's such a shitty... | ||
| It's like always coming out of the mouth of fucking dopey fucking rednecks in the backs of school buses and just dipshits playing fucking Xbox. | ||
| They ruined it, the fucks. | ||
| Yeah, they ruined it. | ||
| It could have had some use. | ||
| Look, my 40th birthday cake, Joey Diaz... | ||
| Ari Shapiro got me a fucking birthday cake that said, happy birthday, faggot. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| You know, it seems like back then it was okay to actually say. | ||
| That was only like four years ago. | ||
| It did. | ||
| When I put my special out, it changed while I was doing my special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't that weird? | |
| It's weird. | ||
| They're coming in and out. | ||
| They had a real problem using the word faggot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I remember when we were just in Texas and saying retard. | |
| Like, that was shocking. | ||
| Retard? | ||
| You can't really use retard either right now. | ||
| That was weird. | ||
| Yeah, retard became a problem in Austin. | ||
| Retard's in the vaults. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Austin. | |
| When we were in Austin, they said you gotta stop with the retard. | ||
| It became a problem. | ||
| Political correctness is fucking completely ridiculous. | ||
| What's important is intent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard tranny's the new word. | |
| Tranny? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tranny. | |
| Shut up. | ||
| You can't say tranny? | ||
| Yeah, people were telling me the other day that tranny's the new word. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I don't believe that. | ||
| They can never take away our tranny. | ||
| No, you know what? | ||
| I believe it because I've seen someone say in someone accusing someone of being a homophobe, they said something about them upsetting the lesbian, gay, it was like LGBTQ. I go, bi. | ||
| I go, Q. I go, wait a minute. | ||
| I go, lesbian. | ||
| Lesbian. | ||
| Gay. | ||
| Transsexual. | ||
| Transvestite. | ||
| Q. What's Q? Which one's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Queer. | |
| Queer. | ||
| Queer's a totally obscure one. | ||
| They don't want to define it. | ||
| Like, they might like guys. | ||
| They might like girls. | ||
| They might be bi. | ||
| They might be weird. | ||
| They're queer. | ||
| Whatever the fuck they are. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| How can you... | ||
| Is that the most ambiguous definition ever of a sexuality? | ||
| It's queer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Queer. | |
| It's all super gay. | ||
| But that's when people are going real deep. | ||
| It's because they want people to be able to define themselves. | ||
| And I agree with that, man. | ||
| Call yourself whatever you want. | ||
| But when you're getting mad at people saying gay slurs, you use the term queer. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| No, you're right, man. | ||
| It's all fucking intention, dude. | ||
| It's like what's behind there. | ||
| If there's anger behind it, it's an ugly word. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's why black people can call each other niggers. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| It's what it is. | ||
| You know, when you hear Tupac say it, he's sitting around shooting the shit with Dr. Dre. | ||
| And they're being funny with each other. | ||
| Yeah, it's fine. | ||
| It's not offensive. | ||
| If some old man is yelling at a young kid because he's, you know, walking on his lawn, then it becomes offensive and dehumanizing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Obviously. | |
| I met a beautiful black girl the other day. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You thinking about trying it? | ||
| What's up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's on my list, but I... Are you ready? | |
| It was my friend's sister, but she was just so beautiful. | ||
| You want to get in shape for that first? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You always start off with your worst. | ||
| Start off with your worst presentation and they accept you at that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Really? | ||
| You never try to impress a girl? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Never. | |
| That's bullshit. | ||
| When you got dumped the first time, dude, you lost like 70 pounds. | ||
| That's when you really realized you had to get back in the game. | ||
| That was because I was out of a seven-year relationship. | ||
| I'll tell you what happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was seven years. | |
| That was pre-internet fame, son. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| You didn't have the internet fame. | ||
| You weren't the producer of a very famous podcast. | ||
| Brian, how many penthouse pets have you dated? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seven. | |
| Seven. | ||
| That's normal, dude. | ||
| A guy who looks like you usually get a lot of penthouse pets. | ||
| No, dude, seriously, how many? | ||
| Two. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've only dated two girls in the industry ever. | |
| The industry. | ||
| Well, you know, since I've been in Hollywood, I've been in the industry. | ||
| I've been a part of the industry. | ||
| I do a lot of industry things. | ||
| I have an industry newsletter that I subscribe to. | ||
| Danny, what's happening with that condom thing, man? | ||
| Is it fucking up the industry? | ||
| Well, there seems to be a lot of talk that they're going to move to, what, Arizona or something like that, or Vegas. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to move to Vegas. | ||
| That's what they're going to do. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Well, not really, because I think a lot of girls live in Vegas anyway, because a lot of them, they make money dancing as well as doing movies. | ||
| Isn't that like the thing? | ||
| They announce they do feature dancing and people are like, dudes are fucking fans of some porn stars. | ||
| You may say it's kind of weird and strange, but why is it? | ||
| Look, if you're a fan of an actress and you come to see her at a book signing, you're a fan of the way a chick sucks dicks and she's nice enough to let you watch her suck a lot of dicks. | ||
| Beautiful women are beautiful women. | ||
| And then you pretend that it's your dick and you blast all over yourself. | ||
| Dude, you know it's so funny. | ||
| Beautiful women is beautiful women. | ||
| Look, Pamela Anderson right there. | ||
| I think she is gorgeous. | ||
| I think she is beautiful in that. | ||
| Yeah, that's like art. | ||
| There's a certain art in what she looks like in her body. | ||
| It's so sexually arousing. | ||
| You know, you look at her perfectly manicured toes and her toe ring, and oh, you just want to lick her ass. | ||
| Look at that button that's right there. | ||
| You're obsessed with that button, dude. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great button. | ||
| It's placed perfectly. | ||
| It's just dumb luck. | ||
| It's just, look, see, they line up on the other side of her shirt. | ||
| I think it's just the way it is. | ||
| It's just a hot picture. | ||
| The bitch is hot. | ||
| By the way, I didn't create this right here. | ||
| You know what's unfortunate, though, man? | ||
| What's unfortunate is that women like that, man, especially if they're not, like, heavy-duty into working out, is that they get older and they lose their body. | ||
| They become creepy-looking. | ||
| Dude, we should try to get her on the podcast. | ||
| Their ass disappears. | ||
| It gets really weird when you see, like, older women. | ||
| Their asses, like, sink and turn under, you know? | ||
| And old men, too. | ||
| Like, they get that Larry King body. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, where there's no muscle tone going on. | ||
| And when a woman becomes... | ||
| When a woman goes from being Pamela Anderson, and she's still attractive, she hasn't hit this yet, but it's coming, you know, unless she figures out some way to do a lot of fucking squats and keep her body, like, when you become a woman who has enormous artificial boobs and your body's kind of falling apart and you have these big bags Sitting in front pushing out your shirt and you know this cleavage that you're... | ||
| but it's been sun drenched for so long. | ||
| It's got this weird sort of leathery texture and you're trying to tone that down with heavy doses of moisturizer. | ||
| So your tits are always greasy and leathery at the same time and your ass is evaporating. | ||
| So you try to stick it out a little so you're wearing high heel shoes where it's really not appropriate and they're really high and you know you're awkward, you can barely walk. | ||
| And you really, your ass is gone. | ||
| You become a monster. | ||
| You become a strange person. | ||
| Tomorrow on the news, there's going to be like this wave of suicides from people listening to this. | ||
| Well, that's a weird thing, man. | ||
| It's a weird look, you know? | ||
| Well, yeah, it's weird. | ||
| It sucks getting attached to your physical body and using that as your main tool. | ||
|
unidentified
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Sure. | |
| It's a dangerous proposition, man. | ||
| I think that's really easy to say, though. | ||
| When you're a girl and you look like Pamela Anderson, dude, first of all, when she was young, she was so hot. | ||
| That's all anybody probably could comment on all the time. | ||
| From the time when she was young, all the people that she met... | ||
| I guarantee you, everyone was just, holy shit, you're so pretty. | ||
| That happens. | ||
| But listen, when a girl gets addicted and gets caught up in that, it's almost like there's nothing that can match the kind of power and energy she gets just from her own looks. | ||
| So it's almost like it was too alluring to just run with that. | ||
| Too many people were encouraging her. | ||
| And essentially, she got away without doing any porn except for that one accidental time. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was a good one, too, though. | |
| Yeah, and she did some Playboys and stuff where you got to see her naked, and that was satisfying enough. | ||
| I mean, she made a living. | ||
| She was so hot, she made a living off being hot. | ||
| I mean, that's what she did. | ||
| It's just sad. | ||
| What's sad is when people... | ||
| I mean, it's not her fault that she was super fucking hot. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| But the sad thing is if she was attached to that perception of herself... | ||
| It's a tragedy. | ||
| Well, we're just assuming. | ||
| We're just assuming now that she's kind of cool. | ||
| Maybe she's super cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bet she is. | |
| Maybe you sat her down and had a conversation whether you would really enjoy it. | ||
| I don't know her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bet she's cool. | |
| All I'm saying is positive. | ||
| All I'm saying is that she was so ridiculously hot when she was young that I think almost anybody would have been corrupted by that kind of beauty. | ||
| Not that she even was, but I don't know how you could not be a professional hot chick if you were that pretty. | ||
| You have to be. | ||
| Look at her, dude. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| That's from whatever that is. | ||
| That's her prime. | ||
| She's like one of the hottest chicks that's ever walked the face of the earth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think that's actually a recent poster. | |
| Pull back and you see her whole body. | ||
| Do you see her whole body there, Brian? | ||
| Get that whole thing there, man. | ||
| It's a recent poster? | ||
| Well, then she's still keeping it together. | ||
| Good for her. | ||
| That chick is hot as fuck. | ||
| Great. | ||
| That's uncomfortably hot, right? | ||
| Well, I think when you're that pretty, I think, you know, we all have to be reasonable. | ||
| That girl got some crazy lottery ticket and she decided to cash it in. | ||
| She ran the dice and she came up double seven in the looks department. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't fault chicks for doing that. | ||
| I don't either, man. | ||
| I wasn't saying that at all, man. | ||
| But some people do, right? | ||
| Some people, like, immediately, they'll discount somebody if they are a professional hot chick or if they're a girl who's attractive, like, immediately. | ||
| Because they know it's so easy to be that person. | ||
| Life is so easy. | ||
| What are the odds that you've been thinking? | ||
| What are the odds that you've been contemplating your existence? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Why would you? | ||
| Life is so easy. | ||
| Everybody's just tripping over themselves to try to give you things. | ||
| But I've met plenty of them that do. | ||
| And those girls, that's insane. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| When you run into those girls, that's such power to have. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| When you run into someone who's beautiful and intelligent with a great personality. | ||
| It's so intense. | ||
| Great sense of humor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's like, wow, look at you here. | ||
| Because to get to that point, you had to have some humility that didn't come from looking in the mirror, the reaction that you're getting from the people around you. | ||
| It could be that. | ||
| With some of them, it's just simply that they got into yoga or they got into some sort of a meditation discipline and they sort of just formed... | ||
| I mean, it could have been the way they were raised. | ||
| They just sort of formed a human personality instead of a hot chick personality. | ||
| Yeah, that's the best. | ||
| It must be hard, though, man. | ||
| Being a hot chick must be, like, the easiest way to get by in life. | ||
| Skate through a bunch of dudes stumbling over themselves. | ||
| I bet it's a sad life also, though. | ||
| I bet there's a lot of sadness to that life. | ||
| For some, sure, yeah. | ||
| Well, there's also, when someone feels like they're getting scammed over, like you don't really like them, you know, if someone's in a situation where a girl is using her looks to get by in life, The guy who is taking advantage of that, the guys who get with those girls, they know that this isn't a real love. | ||
| This is a real love under certain conditions. | ||
| And that certain conditions are you're here to provide finances or pay for things or something. | ||
| There's some... | ||
| Those guys are going to resent that. | ||
| So that manipulative relationship is never a real relationship where you really both truly love each other. | ||
| And you can't wait to see that person. | ||
| It's always this weird, creepy deal where you know you're getting fucked and you want to check her cell phone because you don't like the way her fucking trainer looks at you when you say hi to her at the gym. | ||
| You think she might be fucking her trainer. | ||
| What a nightmare. | ||
| Imagine if you were some old dude. | ||
| You're like 80 years old and you get yourself a 30-year-old chippy. | ||
| And she likes to work out. | ||
| And you're playing golf and you walk in and she's getting stretched out by this fucking buff 25-year-old trainer. | ||
| She's got her leg on his shoulder. | ||
| There's a lot of dudes who do creepy shit like that. | ||
| Alright, time to stretch you out. | ||
| That's what we're going to do here. | ||
| I'm going to pick your leg up. | ||
| You're going to put it on my shoulder. | ||
| Hey, fuckhead. | ||
| You don't have to do that, stupid. | ||
| You can stretch all those major muscle groups on the ground, you dumb fuck. | ||
| But there's a lot of dudes who do creepy shit with girls. | ||
| Alright, lean both your arms back. | ||
| And they get a nice, firm sexual grip on their forearms. | ||
| So just to let a woman feel the grip strength. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| And they just pull you back. | ||
| Pull you back at some weird, uncomfortable, sort of semi-sexual position. | ||
| Some sort of over-inflated, doggy-style position. | ||
| And then you let them go. | ||
| And then you're stretching out their arms. | ||
| And you're showing your own discipline. | ||
| You stretch out with them. | ||
| And then this poor fucking guy's 80 years old. | ||
| What is he going to do? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| He just has to be happy, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, he should be happy. | ||
| He should let everybody fuck her and hope nobody poisons him. | ||
| Yeah, that's an inevitability. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| They're all going to poison you, man. | ||
| How many 80-year-old guys do you think are dating 30 or 20-year-olds right now? | ||
| That's a really good question. | ||
| I wonder if we can find that statistic online. | ||
| No way. | ||
| That's something you would... | ||
| Who knows, man? | ||
| Up in the Hamptons and like... | ||
| Who the fuck knows, man? | ||
| Just like... | ||
| Monsters. | ||
| But I really love him. | ||
| I just think he's wonderful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because when people enter those relationships, they don't enter them... | ||
| They justify. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't even care about his looks. | ||
| His body is just... | ||
| He is an amazing person. | ||
| His energy is so loving. | ||
| And, you know, I wouldn't want to leave his side. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| See, I hope to grow 80 one day. | ||
| The girl's got diamonds on and shit, and she's just lying around murdered animal skins and driving around in a Bentley. | ||
| It feels like it's not even connected to the road. | ||
| It feels like you're floating on a carpet through the air. | ||
| She knows he's probably only got two more years of life, and then she gets millions of dollars because he was in love with her. | ||
| I wonder how many of those there are out there. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| And you could say, well, if you wanted to be cynical and pragmatic, that he's providing something, she's getting something out of this, it's a good relationship, he wants comfort and sex, and she's willing to sort of give that as long as he provides a ridiculous income to her. | ||
| That's the reason why they have this unbalanced relationship in the first place. | ||
| He has to be unbalanced financially. | ||
| To overcompensate for the physical unbalance, he has to be ridiculously unbalanced. | ||
| He has to be buying her minks and fucking diamonds. | ||
| And then you get to stick your dick in my mouth. | ||
| I like diamonds. | ||
| That's the deal she has with him. | ||
| So she was using him for his money. | ||
| Of course, that's the deal. | ||
| Yes, using him for his money. | ||
| And he's using her for her great hot body. | ||
| You're not supposed to get this when you're 80. It's essentially what you're doing is taking on an insane prostitution contract that almost nobody can keep up with. | ||
| That's the only way you can keep a hot chick if you're 80. I mean, it's just incredible to think that 80-year-olds can get that horny, man. | ||
| Well, if they take Viagra. | ||
| And I think also, a lot of them, it's a psychological thing. | ||
| There's a lot of 80-year-old guys that can't believe that they can get a 20-year-old hooker. | ||
| They probably can't even believe it. | ||
| And when they're alone with it, if they can get it up still, oh my god, how good must it feel? | ||
| To bang some really hot 20-year-old Russian hooker. | ||
| It's kind of fucked up because she's only 20. Let's make her 23. Let's make her 23. A really hot 23-year-old Russian hooker who's really good at it. | ||
| She's really good at it. | ||
| I would just have to... | ||
| It's the fact that underneath this beautiful young thing is a withered, crisp... | ||
| That's about to go feed the worms. | ||
| It's like it would be tough for me to beat that out of my mind as I stared up at her hot body. | ||
| I would still be like, man, you're fucking wrinkling and you can barely breathe and your knees are cracking. | ||
| Or you'd be like, oh, this pussy is so good. | ||
| God damn, this feels so good. | ||
| You can come in her mouth. | ||
| You can come in her ass. | ||
| Whatever you want. | ||
| She doesn't care. | ||
| Where do you want to come? | ||
| Where do you want to come? | ||
| He's a healthy old man. | ||
| More power to him, by the way. | ||
| He should give up his whole empire. | ||
| He's not going to live very long anyway. | ||
| Just keep it all up. | ||
| Yeah, I think that situation, there certainly is something perfect about it. | ||
| Dude, that's priceless. | ||
| It's worth a lot of goddamn money. | ||
| A really hot chick to just fuck you whenever you want. | ||
| And you're an 80 year old man. | ||
| You better be paying that bitch. | ||
| That's a ridiculous thing to ask. | ||
| You think it's tough to ask someone to be a garbage man? | ||
| How about asking a fucking old guy whenever he wants? | ||
| Do you think there's any 80 year old guys living in studio apartments that have 30 year old girlfriends? | ||
| No, there's none of that. | ||
| Doesn't exist. | ||
| I mean, maybe. | ||
| There might be a few broken chicks out there that got roped into some bad poetry or something like that. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| Most guys, though, no. | ||
| Roped into bad poetry? | ||
| Yeah, you know, some guy pretends to be deep and lost girl, and, you know, he's an information he has that, you know, he takes time with her and something no one ever did, and he has needs, and she takes care of it for him. | ||
| That's possible. | ||
| Most of the time, not likely. | ||
| Most of the time, it's some motherfucker that's living in some shit that nobody should be living in. | ||
| Some crazy fucking castle. | ||
| Every now and then, as a goof, I like to go on websites and look at stupid expensive houses that are for sale. | ||
| What is the most expensive house you can buy? | ||
| There's like $20 million houses. | ||
| And you can go and look at the pictures of them. | ||
| They show them online. | ||
| You see the grounds and everything. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this crazy way that one person gets to live? | |
| This is nuts! | ||
| I looked at this one house. | ||
| It was a compound. | ||
| It was absolutely insane. | ||
| It was 600 plus acres and this incredible fucking house. | ||
| It was one of the most extravagant things that a person could ever purchase and own in their life. | ||
| They essentially owned a kingdom. | ||
| It was really like a 650 acre kingdom. | ||
| And, you know, who knows, man? | ||
| A little chippy. | ||
| She's like 26. She just came here from Czechoslovakia. | ||
| She loves your horses! | ||
| And, you know, we started hanging out, man. | ||
| And she likes to smoke weed. | ||
| I still smoke a little weed every now and then. | ||
| Next thing you know, she's sucking my dick. | ||
| And I don't know what to do. | ||
| I'm 86 years old. | ||
| I mean, what kind of relationship are we going to have? | ||
| I mean, what do you think? | ||
| Should I pursue this? | ||
| I have a walker. | ||
| A walker? | ||
| A lot of 86-year-olds have walkers. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, a lot of them. | |
| If I want to get down the steps, I've got to ride an elevator. | ||
| What would you tell an old man if there was a hot shot? | ||
| I would say you might want some people to fucking keep an eye on her. | ||
| But then you got to make sure that you have only gay security guards because that dirty bitch will suck their dicks. | ||
| You mean like a hero? | ||
| If she's really hot? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| If you were a guy and you were like a super rich dude who lived in this giant crazy house and you're 80 years old and there's this 23-year-old really hot Eastern Bloc chick that may or might not be an assassin as well as a hooker. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And you gotta have some gay security guards that are keeping an eye on her. | ||
| You can't have young stud guys because she'll just suck their dicks. | ||
| That dirty bitch. | ||
| Most guys will not be able to stop themselves. | ||
| He's really fat from Iowa. | ||
| Never met a girl like that before. | ||
| And all of a sudden, she's like, listen, relax, baby. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| And she's rubbing your balls like, holy shit, I can't believe this is going to happen. | ||
| I get fired for this. | ||
| Relax, baby. | ||
| And they work something out, and you know, she's, you know, I can fuck this old man all the time. | ||
| You know, sometimes I want to go out and have my fun, and we have a deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Next thing you know, they're a plot in his death. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's how it goes, Duncan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's what he's got to be careful for. | ||
| He should only have gay security guards. | ||
| He should have big, badass gay dudes that watch over you. | ||
| That's like, that's the weirdest end of your life. | ||
| And find the girl. | ||
| Yeah, you got a big badass gay dude. | ||
| You're surrounded by a bunch of gay bodyguards and a 30-year-old Russian prostitute. | ||
| Yeah, you got to get those guys to take her everywhere. | ||
| They never let any guys come near her because she's mine and you don't let that bitch fucking poison me. | ||
| It's just absurd. | ||
| It's just absurd, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a lot of guys' lives, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's absurdity. | ||
| It's so funny the way that you can end up when you're blinking out of the universe. | ||
| Like, you can actually blink out of the universe in a silk robe next to a 30-year-old Russian stripper. | ||
| I know a man who was a successful man, but he was very, very weak. | ||
| He was very physically weak and he was much older than her. | ||
| He was about 30 years older than her. | ||
| She was probably in her 40s and he was in his 70s. | ||
| There was the anger from her at him and the way she would yell at him and treat him. | ||
| This complete total lack of respect. | ||
| Because, you know, basically they had been married for a long time. | ||
| The only reason why they got married in the first place is because he was rich and she was hot. | ||
| And she learned along the way, this motherfucker's not going to do nothing. | ||
| And the way to get him off you is to just yell at him and humiliate him in front of other people. | ||
| Will you fucking stop? | ||
| Just stop! | ||
| She was this Russian lady. | ||
| She yelled at him in front of me and my friends. | ||
| And it was this really fucking super uncomfortable moment, man. | ||
| Just snapped at him in front of everybody. | ||
| We had a peek at this guy's life. | ||
| What had he done that was so bad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you remember? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing at the time. | ||
| He was a really nice guy. | ||
| He was a doctor. | ||
| And he made him a lot of money, man. | ||
| He was rich. | ||
| He had a crazy house and crazy cars and shit. | ||
| And she was like a really hot Soviet block looking chick. | ||
| I don't remember what part of the Soviet Union or Russia or whatever she was from. | ||
| But it was something like that. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Ukraine? | ||
| No, I don't remember. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| That's just so fucking tragic, dude. | ||
| It's so tragic and lonely. | ||
| It's tragic when someone's with someone and that person doesn't want to be with you, man. | ||
| Or they give away love and these little rations. | ||
| They give away sex and affection and little rations, you know? | ||
| Well, no, it's like that thing, the experiment they did with a monkey. | ||
| It's like one of the worst experiments of all time where they took a fucking wire monkey. | ||
| There's those pictures of the monkey clinging to the wire monkey and pretending it's a real monkey. | ||
| Well, it had fur on it. | ||
| They put carpet on it, and they had this poor monkey that thought it was a mama. | ||
| There was nothing else in there for it to... | ||
| But some people are in relationships where they're that little fucking monkey and they're clinging on to nothing. | ||
| There's nothing there and they're just pretending that there's love. | ||
| There's something there for them and they know in their heart there's nothing there. | ||
| And they just keep fucking doing it because they're terrified to let go of that fucking thing and go out into the world. | ||
| It's super hard to find someone that's really cool to hang out with that doesn't just become a shithead eventually. | ||
| Someone who doesn't fall apart after you get to know them for a while. | ||
| Because that happens with a lot of people, man. | ||
| A lot of people do really good in the beginning of a relationship because they can pretend to be someone really cool. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| And then as time goes on, you realize like, oh, he's fucking lazy. | ||
| You get tired of acting, man. | ||
| She's a bitch, man. | ||
| Why are you negative to me? | ||
| You're always negative. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Yeah, it's really weird that thing when you stop acting and you end up meeting the real person. | ||
| And that can either be... | ||
| Hopefully that moment should be wonderful. | ||
| Like when the fucking guard comes down and you really see the person there, it should be some beautiful thing. | ||
| Yeah, it should. | ||
| But sometimes it's not. | ||
| Or sometimes one mask comes off and there's just another one there. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| All of us are wandering around right now in that state, though, putting on a show, pretending to be this or pretending to be that. | ||
| Or hoping to try to fake it till you make it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's some of that going on, too. | ||
| I've said often on this show that my best advice to someone is pretend to be the guy, or be the guy, rather, that you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid. | ||
| Just be that guy. | ||
| Be that guy. | ||
| Be that guy when you're trying to impress a chick with how cool you are. | ||
| Be that guy for real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be that fake person. | |
| No! | ||
| Hold yourself to a higher standard. | ||
| Hold yourself to a standard that's admirable. | ||
| A lot of people just act on instinct, and they don't ever look at their life from a point of view like, what would I be impressed with if someone handled this? | ||
| If this was a movie, what would be the most moral and the coolest and nicest thing to do here, the most admirable thing to do? | ||
| And when you become capable of doing that, you become capable of looking at your whole life through almost an objective perspective. | ||
| Have you ever heard of something called transactional analysis or game theory? | ||
| Have you ever heard of this? | ||
| I've heard of game theory. | ||
| I didn't know it was transactional analysis. | ||
| The idea is it's like, so yeah, it's an analysis of the transactions that happen between people. | ||
| Isn't that something to do with the guy from A Brilliant Mind? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| His Nobel Prize I think was on. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I'm reading a book called the games people play and it's like an analysis of like the basic games that we play for example like shaking hands is a game where the rules of the game are you're kind of like transmitting a what I think what they call a token so like if I come up to you and I extend my hand for you to shake my hand and you don't shake my hand then that creates a weird moment because you haven't made it a complete transaction you know what I'm saying yes yes So it's like, | ||
| it's an analysis of everything at that level, and it just sort of comes back that we're all engaged in these weird games. | ||
| Everyone, you know, whether you're acting like you're the greatest person on a date, or whether you're acting like you're some kind of weak person who is always broke and is always in bad relationships, or whether you're acting like you're a priest, or whether you're acting like you're... | ||
| Whatever the fucking thing is, you're just playing a game. | ||
| You're just playing the game of being this person. | ||
| You know, that's... | ||
| So we're all in the kind of... | ||
| Endless, absurd situation of having to pretend to be something, you know? | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Like, fucking waiters. | ||
| Anyone you're buying anything from, they're having to act in this weird way called professional. | ||
| But they're just acting like, who's this character? | ||
| It's a character. | ||
| You're playing a weird character of someone who's like, thank you. | ||
| Yes, may I get you another drink? | ||
| Well, it's like a TV host or a strip club DJ. Yeah. | ||
| Or just almost anyone. | ||
| It's just the things that people think are themselves. | ||
| This is who I am. | ||
| I love the Rolling Stones. | ||
| And I really enjoy fishing. | ||
| It's like, is that really you? | ||
| That's who you are? | ||
| That's your identity? | ||
| Because if you get far enough back, you'll realize that that's not you. | ||
| That's just a game that you're playing. | ||
| And you can keep going back and back and back until you merge into everything. | ||
| But nobody wants to do that. | ||
| Everybody wants to stay as the fucking thing. | ||
| No one wants to... | ||
| Well, there's certainly comfort in predetermined patterns. | ||
| People love to say, listen, man, I'm a Republican, and this is why I vote. | ||
| I'm a Christian, so I'm voting for George W. He's my guy. | ||
| People love to be part of teams. | ||
| They love to do that. | ||
| It's fun to play. | ||
| But it's very difficult to play. | ||
| Back up the way you're saying. | ||
| I mean, it's like to do it without help, to do it without either psychedelic help or to do it without some sort of intense meditation and yoga and training. | ||
| It's a really difficult task. | ||
| It's a difficult task, but it's like if you begin to engage and focus. | ||
| Do you think people are going to get better at that? | ||
| Hell yes. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| People are going to get better because the information is getting out there. | ||
| There's so many information systems out there that back in the thousands of years ago, you couldn't have books. | ||
| There weren't even books, man. | ||
| It was very difficult to get a book. | ||
| Books were incredibly valuable. | ||
| Now this shit is scattered throughout the entire fucking planet. | ||
| You have instantaneous access to this stuff. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| Yeah, I think people are going to learn. | ||
| Powerful Brendan Walsh just walked in, which ends this podcast. | ||
| We're going to start a new one right after this. | ||
| We're going to start the Death Squad, Ice House Chronicles, because the comics are starting to pile in for the show. | ||
| It is already 9.30. | ||
| Yeah, it was John Nash, the guy from that movie, A Brilliant Mind. | ||
| He did win some sort of a Nobel Prize on game theory. | ||
| So, I don't know. | ||
| Something along those lines. | ||
| He went crazy. | ||
| He was the guy that went nutty. | ||
| I didn't know he went crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that's the movie about. | ||
| It was the... | ||
| Who's the guy who played A Beautiful Mind? | ||
| Gladiator. | ||
| Russell Crowe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brilliant performance. | ||
| And he played that guy and he went nutty. | ||
| Like, imagined a bunch of shit. | ||
| Well, the shit's awesome, man. | ||
| You should check it out. | ||
| You'd love it. | ||
| But he brought himself back. | ||
| He's a fascinating story. | ||
| He actually brought himself back to reality. | ||
| He started ignoring the voice. | ||
| He still hears voices in his head, but he just ignores them now. | ||
| He can differentiate between what's real and what's not. | ||
| And so he stays sane even in the midst of twirling insanity. | ||
| He managed to figure out how to maintain it. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah, that's what everything's based on, is figuring out how to maintain that shit. | ||
| He's a really fascinating case. | ||
| Really interesting guy. | ||
| A brilliant, brilliant guy who went mad and brought himself back. | ||
| Really nuts. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| This is our 200th podcast, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| All you freaks. | ||
| All you people out there at the gym. | ||
| All you people out there driving cross-country and sitting on trains and doing whatever the fuck you're doing. | ||
| Porch swings. | ||
| We're so happy that you tuned into the show. | ||
| We love doing it. | ||
| We're happy you guys love it. | ||
| And I feel like you guys are some of the coolest, most positive people that I've ever come across on the internet. | ||
| I think it's an amazing... | ||
| It's an amazing moment when we've collected so many really cool and friendly and fun people that follow us. | ||
| If you think about the amount of negative tweets that you get, the amount of negative shit that you get, it's so small in relationship to how many cool people there are out there. | ||
| Cool stories you get tweeted, funny things, you know, answers to questions. | ||
| I think we're super, super lucky, man. | ||
| You know, I think we're putting out a cool vibe, and I think we're putting out an honest way of looking at the world, and people are responding. | ||
| And we're responding back, and it's the most fun I've ever had doing comedy. | ||
| It's the most fun I've ever had doing anything, you know, that you would call like in show business. | ||
| This thing is the most fun, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And it's the most honest. | ||
| It is what it is, man. | ||
| There's no preparation. | ||
| And it's as open and as honest as we are capable of. | ||
| And I think that helps us. | ||
| I know it helps me. | ||
| I know these conversations have been huge for breaking things down for me and just kind of reassembling the way I look at the world. | ||
| You know, and having all these different guests on and having all these different people and all these really different intelligent people and really intense opinions. | ||
| And it's super, super beneficial, man. | ||
| And I'm just so happy that we're able to do this. | ||
| It's the fucking coolest thing I've ever done. | ||
| I really, really enjoy it. | ||
| It's almost right up there with stand-up to me. | ||
| Stand-up will always be like the sacred top of the... | ||
| The fun food chain. | ||
| Pretty close to that, though. | ||
| But it's pretty close to it. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| And the reason why it's cool is how many cool people it impacts and how many cool people who it impacts share their love with us and send that love back at us. | ||
| And we appreciate the fuck out of it. | ||
| We talk about it all the time. | ||
| And we just want you to know. | ||
| We're obsessed. | ||
| We love all you dirty bitches. | ||
| Hare Krishna. | ||
| Thank you to the Fleshlight for keeping it real, staying with us since the beginning where it was ridiculous that anybody would give us money for this stupid fucking show. | ||
| If you started today, this is the first episode that you ever downloaded, don't download episode one because it's fucking terrible. | ||
| I can't even listen to that. | ||
| Don't download two. | ||
| I think in two I run out of the room three or four times and take a shit. | ||
| I think I had diarrhea. | ||
| But it didn't get good for a while. | ||
| We never publicized this thing. | ||
| It sort of just built up on itself naturally. | ||
| And we love it. | ||
| We couldn't be happier. | ||
| I've always wanted to have a radio show and I never could get anybody to fucking even think about giving me one. | ||
| And I didn't really want to get up every morning either. | ||
| So this is perfect. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| No middleman. | ||
| Right to the people. | ||
| Atlanta. | ||
| Tickets are sold out, I believe, for the first show at the Tabernacle on April 20th, but there's still some tickets available for the second show, and that is where I'm going to be filming my next special. | ||
| I'm fucking super pumped about this. | ||
| This is, for real, the best shit I've ever done. | ||
| I've been doing a lot of stand-up lately. | ||
| I'm in the groove. | ||
| We had a great time this weekend at the Comedy and Magic Club. | ||
| That place is so beautiful. | ||
| And then this weekend we're in Louisville at the Improv all weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. | ||
| And there's supposed to be some crazy basketball thing going on. | ||
| Basketball thing happening. | ||
| Like it might be a huge problem. | ||
| No one's going to want to come to the show. | ||
| It's going to be crazy. | ||
| I've been warned 19 times on Twitter about this event. | ||
| They said I should put a TV on stage while the game is on and allow people to watch it while we talk. | ||
| I'm totally cool with that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I think it would be fun. | ||
| That would be a fucking blast. | ||
| Let's do that. | ||
| I think it would be fun. | ||
| I think it'll be fun. | ||
| You know why it would be fun? | ||
| Because I don't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| I want to mock this nonsense game. | ||
| Can we please do that? | ||
| I really want to do that. | ||
| Yeah, we can totally do that. | ||
| We can totally do that. | ||
| Yeah, because I think that'll help people come to the show, too. | ||
| So if the improv can figure that out, we'll do that. | ||
| Can I show my poster, Joe? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| We'll tell people about it, too, because most of this is people listening. | ||
| Oh yeah, so I've had this poster made, which is I'm only making 666 of them. | ||
| And they're these giant posters, these incredible, awesome posters that Justin McAllister, this amazing artist made of me getting possessed by my satanic puppet. | ||
| As you can see, this is it. | ||
| Once we get 666 of these through all the homes in America, they will make a chaos vortex and the singularity will happen. | ||
| So please purchase one of these posters. | ||
| Dude, I need one signed. | ||
| Done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Done. | |
| I'm tempted to give you 666 out of 666. I'll take it. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| That's a good lucky number for me. | ||
| That's it to the end of... | ||
| Listen, you guys have been cool as fuck. | ||
| You've been with us, some of you, from the very beginning and that's ridiculous. | ||
| I can't believe you stuck out this long. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| And we can't believe how many people enjoy the show. | ||
| We love doing it and there's nothing more I can say. | ||
| I know Brian feels the same way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't you? | ||
| Yeah, it's sweet. | ||
| Well, what is it like to you? | ||
| I mean, this is our 200th episode, dude. | ||
| Just tell these people how it feels. | ||
| It's a lot of talking about stuff that happens in your life. | ||
| And now you know us more than... | ||
| My friend Shane Green, he's having a baby today. | ||
| He's like my best friend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You guys at home know me way more than he knows me. | |
| Because of all the talking on the podcast. | ||
| You know more about all of us, and it's freaky as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But what's also cool is it feels like you know me better than my best friend. | |
| How fucking crazy is that? | ||
| Dude, I had somebody come up to me on the street, and after a few minutes talking, they asked me about my friend in college, Emil, and they knew his name. | ||
| They're like, how's Emil, man? | ||
| It's like, dude, that's something that someone would find out about me months into a friendship, you know? | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| And barely remember. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| Yeah, the podcast is a strange thing. | ||
| It's the best thing that ever happened for us for stand-up. | ||
| Now, when you go on stage, they know what you're going to do. | ||
| They know you're a fucking weirdo. | ||
| They look forward to it. | ||
| They get excited about it. | ||
| Look, that's it. | ||
| That's all I can say. | ||
| We appreciate that you guys appreciate it. | ||
| By no means do we take it for granted. | ||
| It's very, very important to us. | ||
| That's exactly why the podcast is going to remain free. | ||
| It's always going to be free. | ||
| I'm never going to do this thing for money. | ||
| I'll figure out a way to make money. | ||
| We'll move it around. | ||
| I love the idea of putting something out there that is absolutely 100% free. | ||
| And, you know, that's what we've managed to do. | ||
| I know a lot of people think that our ads are too long, but whatever, bitch, it's all free. | ||
| You can fast-forward through it, man. | ||
| Yeah, you can fast-forward through it. | ||
| And by the way, it's like, you know, I mean, what is that? | ||
| Flashlight? | ||
| You're doing something with it? | ||
| By the way, it's not like you have to listen to that part. | ||
| Don't be silly. | ||
| Everything else is free. | ||
| You can jump ahead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't buy a Fleshlight if you don't need one, but if you want one, they're awesome. | ||
| Go to Fleshlight.com. | ||
| Enter in the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Number one, bitches, there's a bunch of different textures and shit if you want to get crazy. | ||
| If you're a connoisseur, what is it? | ||
| They call you a foodie if you're a food connoisseur. | ||
| What do they call you if you're a sex toy person? | ||
| Are you a sexy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Would you call you a sexy? | ||
| Well, I'm a sexy. | ||
| I try toys. | ||
| I stick things in my ass. | ||
| A sex toy connoisseur. | ||
| Yeah, I'm big on dildos. | ||
| Why isn't there a show like the guy... | ||
| Once I got past the feeling of something in my ass. | ||
| They need that show. | ||
| Like the guy who goes around and eats food. | ||
| There should be a guy who goes around the contrary fucking sex toys. | ||
| That's totally possible. | ||
| You could do a series of that for an internet porn site. | ||
| Brian, talk to one of your people in the industry. | ||
| You know people. | ||
| That shit would work. | ||
| That would be a good... | ||
| You could have a comic do it. | ||
| Have a comic, you know, some Tripoli-type character. | ||
| Tripoli would be perfect. | ||
| Tripoli would be perfect. | ||
| We should start producing our own shows. | ||
| We should start producing our own shows. | ||
| That's what the next move is. | ||
| We've got to hire a goddamn camera guy and start doing... | ||
| Anytime we have an idea for a sketch, we just... | ||
| That right there. | ||
| Just do it. | ||
| That needs to be done. | ||
| A guy who just travels around the country and fucks everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Goes in there, I'll tell one of these, and he sticks things in his ass and tells you what it felt like. | ||
| Well, you know, I don't like something in my ass, but it makes you cum way harder. | ||
| So he's got a fucking vibrator in there. | ||
| It'd be a great show, man. | ||
| It'd be a great show. | ||
| Yeah, we just wouldn't be able to show it all. | ||
| We'd have to hide shit from people. | ||
| Go to Fleshlight. | ||
| Go buy yourself some goodies. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| That's the end of that commercial. | ||
| Go to Onnit.com. | ||
| If you want to, you don't have to. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. That is where you can buy all the crazy new tropics and supplements that we talked about. | ||
| And coming soon, we're going to have some ridiculous exercise equipment that I'll show you guys. | ||
| It's going to blow your mind. | ||
| It's going to freak you out. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's the end of our 200th podcast. | ||
| We thank you very much. | ||
| We appreciate you very much. | ||
| And we'll be back next week. | ||
| You dirty bitches. | ||
| God is love. | ||
| One for all. |
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