Feb. 28, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:22:52
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Meow. | |
| Is that your new thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, this podcast has already been sponsored. | ||
| So this shit is just no beginning, no music, Brian. | ||
| There's nothing that needs to be done. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Launch. | ||
| I'm tweeting something right now. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| So, have you heard the news? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Just hoping you knew something interesting to talk about. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, have you... | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Dude, I'm addicted to toilets now. | ||
| I've been looking all over these Japanese toilets that we experienced in Japan. | ||
| And it's funny because if you don't know what it is, they're heated already. | ||
| And so when you sit down, it's... | ||
| It feels like somebody else has sat down taking a massive shit before you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's warm. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's warm and inviting. | ||
| And then you take a shit and then you push a button. | ||
| There's three buttons. | ||
| One is like hot water, like a missile getting shot up your ass. | ||
| Hot water. | ||
| And it feels really good. | ||
| I tried to position my asshole perfectly trying to do it. | ||
| Well, there's three different things. | ||
| One of them is bidet. | ||
| And the bidet is like the blast of water that cleans your butt. | ||
| And then there's a mild spray. | ||
| And then there's a lot. | ||
| See, all of them seemed pretty good. | ||
| One was a little hotter than normal. | ||
| It also had an air dryer. | ||
| I don't know if you noticed that, but I didn't want to wait for the air dryer. | ||
| That seemed gay, but yet me trying to move that water in my ass for 20 minutes. | ||
| I think I sat there at one point. | ||
| It felt really good. | ||
| It does feel good. | ||
| You don't realize how little attention your asshole gets, especially when it comes to pleasure devices. | ||
| In America, we have a problem with that. | ||
| You can get something that massages your neck, no problem. | ||
| But to have a warm stream of water that constantly pummels your asshole with love, just sudsy love, for us, it seems gross that you would clean your asshole that way. | ||
| And it seems like the more you think about it, it seems like the Japanese people are clean, not only for their ass, but the whole city seems clean. | ||
| They seem really clean. | ||
| Very clean. | ||
| But just the fact that that technology exists, everyone should be using it. | ||
| Why aren't we using it? | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| Every home should have one of these. | ||
| Instead of having a big TV, you should have something that really cleans your ass. | ||
| If it came down to that choice, either one, I would say get your ass clean first and save up for a TV. And it wasn't just expensive or rich people. | ||
| The bathrooms in all the places we went to had that. | ||
| Yeah, it's just standard. | ||
| It's normal. | ||
| Either way, they're smart. | ||
| They figured out a lot of things. | ||
| They're such incredible innovators. | ||
| I love Japan, though. | ||
| Amazing place. | ||
| Fascinating place, man, when it comes to the way they behave and how polite they are. | ||
| For a lot of people, the vibe of it is so much more toned down than American behavior. | ||
| For a lot of people, it's like, wow, this place feels really good. | ||
| It's nice to know that everywhere you go, generally speaking, most people are very polite. | ||
| It's unusual. | ||
| Even security at the arena, so polite. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| So nice. | ||
| One weird thing that somebody said to me, I don't want to say who it was, but he goes to Japan a lot. | ||
| He said, you know, the sad thing is that if you really wanted to hook up with any girl that you meet here, all you have to do is tell them you're friends with Lady Gaga or something like that. | ||
| And no one lies. | ||
| Most people don't lie in Japan, so they're not used to it. | ||
| And so they'll believe you. | ||
| They automatically believe you. | ||
| What? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Less people lie there. | ||
| Is that a statistically provable thing? | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| He said that's how they are, that those people are. | ||
| They're very innocent people. | ||
| They're also very pushed over. | ||
| He said he would order something from the front desk and they're like, sorry, the chef went home and stuff like that. | ||
| He goes, no, I want this. | ||
| And they're like, okay, can you come downstairs and pick it up? | ||
| And he'll be like, no, you're bringing it to my room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It was really weird. | ||
| He was saying how it's kind of sad how nice they are. | ||
| Well, who knows what they did to that food before it got up. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's such a dickhead. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's how they dried off their assholes. | ||
| They dried their asshole off of your fucking food. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| But it did seem like that. | ||
| It seemed like everywhere you went, everyone was just insanely nice. | ||
| Like, super innocent and nice. | ||
| There were a lot of very polite people there. | ||
| It's an interesting culture. | ||
| You know, when you think about what Japan went through for a long time when they had, like, ronins and when they were... | ||
| They essentially went through a long period of, like, civil war. | ||
| They went through a lot of crazy shit. | ||
| And the fact that it's the birthplace of martial arts, for the most part, the early successful martial arts, the core components of mixed martial arts, three of them come from Japan. | ||
| Judo, karate, and jujitsu all come from Japan. | ||
| It's really amazing. | ||
| They figured out how the science of launching people through the air with their bodies and slamming them on the ground... | ||
| I mean, judo, for a lot of people who don't, like, you've never watched it and don't have an appreciation for it, the watching the intricacies of the moves and people, like, hoist each other through the fucking air and slam each other on their back, it's amazing to watch. | ||
| It's a crazy thing. | ||
| I mean, a really technical thing that they figured out how to do. | ||
| Like, all the shit they remember, like, you'd watch, like, in an old, like, Batman movie where a guy could just flip a dude through the air and boom! | ||
| Well, a real judo guy can do that. | ||
| They really can grab... | ||
| If you're wearing, like, a winter coat and you get in an argument with a judo guy, Like, you're fucked. | ||
| That guy's going to hoist you through the air by your jacket and slam you in the head. | ||
| You know, it's a crazy martial art. | ||
| And that emanated from Japan. | ||
| They figured that out. | ||
| They figured out kicking. | ||
| Like, all the straight kicks emanated from Japan, I believe. | ||
| Like, karate-style kicks. | ||
| You know, and the Koreans, like, revamped a lot of shit and, in my opinion, made a lot of techniques better. | ||
| They put a little bit more power to it. | ||
| We can't deny that karate is one of the core tenets of martial arts. | ||
| It's a good thing to learn. | ||
| There's a lot of good techniques in karate. | ||
| It came from Japan. | ||
| Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| What originally became Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu started off as Japanese Judo and Japanese Judo submissions. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| All that shit comes from Japan. | ||
| I mean, people have innovated it and changed it a bit, but the core idea of it, trying to figure out how to strangle people on the ground, all that shit came from Japan. | ||
| All those submissions and arm bars, it's amazing how much shit came from there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And yet, that UFC was kind of interesting seeing people that were from Japan, that were big in pride and stuff like that, them fighting Americans and seeing what the outcome was. | ||
| It was kind of shocking. | ||
| That was one of the most amazing UFCs. | ||
| It was an amazing UFC. I think, yeah, there was a lot of guys. | ||
| The guy who beat Kid Yamamoto is not from America, though. | ||
| I'll look up his name because it was important. | ||
| By the way, what's his name? | ||
| Yamamoto? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He looked like a video game character. | ||
| His back and his muscles were insane. | ||
| I think you're thinking of Akiyama. | ||
| Oh, Akiyama. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You racist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You racist. | |
| No, but he looks like a video game character. | ||
| I was waiting for him to start shooting fireballs out of his hands like Street Fighter. | ||
| Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| And he's a bad motherfucker like a musician, right? | ||
| He sells out arenas for his music and stuff. | ||
| Have you heard his music? | ||
| Yeah, I've watched him sing on a YouTube clip, and there's like fucking 30,000 people in there. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| It's like boy band type shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's amazing, dude. | ||
| Is it like that fun Japanese boy band type thing? | ||
| Yeah, Vaughn Lee was the gentleman that fought Kid Yamamoto. | ||
| Vaughn Lee, he's not from America. | ||
| I believe he's England. | ||
| I should probably check that real quick because I don't want to give some country credit for this guy, but he submitted Kid Yamamoto. | ||
| Yeah, Birmingham. | ||
| Birmingham, England. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Vaughn Lee, he submitted Kid Yamamoto after it was a wild ass fucking fight. | ||
| Kid Yamamoto clipped him at one point in time and he clipped Kid Yamamoto. | ||
| When Kid Yamamoto clipped him, he stayed real calm and composed and Kid Yamamoto was jumping all over him and the kid kept it together. | ||
| And then Vaughn Lee eventually went down to the ground and Vaughn Lee went from a triangle to an armbar submission chain. | ||
| It was fucking beautiful, man. | ||
| The way he hit it was like, it was so tight. | ||
| And Kid Yamato, first of all, he's struggling from the triangle, struggling from the triangle. | ||
| And the dude just, whap, just flipped it over and switched it nice. | ||
| Really got his hips deep into it and finished that armbar. | ||
| And I was like, wow, that kid is fucking badass. | ||
| And I'd seen him fight one other time in the UFC, but... | ||
| Kid Yamamoto, people don't understand what a killer that guy used to be. | ||
| He knocked out, I think it was Kyle Uno and Hoyler Gracie in one night. | ||
| He knocked out both of them. | ||
| In his prime, he was a beast. | ||
| But I don't know, maybe it's... | ||
| I don't know, either he has declined a bit or the sport has passed him by. | ||
| I don't know what it is, but he can't seem to... | ||
| But the other guy was, what, 34 and he was 38 or something like that? | ||
| I mean, the age difference? | ||
| I think he's only 34. I think Kid Yamamoto's 34, which still leaves him in his athletic prime. | ||
| You know, like Anderson is 37, I believe. | ||
| And, you know, Anderson's fucking absolute his prime. | ||
| As you get older, the good fighters, the really technical fighters like Anderson, they just get better because everything is based on technique. | ||
| As long as they keep their fitness up and they have good discipline, which Anderson does. | ||
| Like Bernard Hopkins, same thing. | ||
| They can compete well, well, well into their 40s. | ||
| So Anderson is in his fucking prime right now, in my opinion. | ||
| 37 years old is not the same as 37 years was just like 10 or 20 years ago. | ||
| A guy like him might take him a little longer to heal from shit, but the way he can move and the way he can perform is pretty fucking prime. | ||
| Or past energy. | ||
| Like he got hurt in the past or something like that. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Did he get hurt in the past? | ||
| Like a knockout? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| He's never been knocked out. | ||
| He's been stopped in fights by submissions. | ||
| He... | ||
| I tried to say injury, but I couldn't say injury. | ||
| Yeah, he's been tapped a couple of times. | ||
| Once when he was younger in his career and another time by Ryo Chonin, one of the most spectacular submission attacks ever. | ||
| He dove on him like pro wrestling style in a flying scissors hold, caught him by the legs, took him to the ground and got him in a heel hook like that. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| I mean, it was one of the most beautiful, almost like it looks fake, submission attempts ever. | ||
| And especially considering he did it on Anderson Silva. | ||
| So Anderson, he's a human. | ||
| He's just the best. | ||
| He's a human, but he's the best. | ||
| So you didn't re-watch the main fight? | ||
| No, I haven't watched it yet. | ||
| I know a lot of people think that Frankie Edgar won three rounds to two rounds. | ||
| When it was over, I was pretty sure that Henderson had probably gotten a decision, but... | ||
| Man, it's hard to tell sometimes what other people are seeing. | ||
| And I really believe that sometimes the best view is from the monitor. | ||
| You know, because sometimes I'm looking up and, you know, our heads are basically where the fighter's feet are at. | ||
| You know, and... | ||
| We're looking up, and it's the perfect view, really. | ||
| It's an amazing fucking place to watch a fight. | ||
| But to be super critical about a fight, I always wonder if maybe the best way to do it would be to be able to watch the television screen. | ||
| It sounds ridiculous because you want to watch it live, but there's a cage in your way. | ||
| There's posts in your way sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes, because of the cage, I miss shit that's really critical in a fight. | ||
| Roy Nelson took this giant swing at Fabricio Verdum, and Verdum got his back like that, and I don't know what happened. | ||
| I had to go back and watch it in the replays to see how Fabricio got his back, because while it was happening, it all took place behind a pole. | ||
| So it's like you see it happen and then you gotta look down. | ||
| And by the time you look down, Fabricio is such a fucking ninja. | ||
| He had taken that guy's back so quickly. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| And that's like one of those fights where you see how legit Roy Nelson is too. | ||
| Because Roy Nelson survived having Fabricio Verdum on his back. | ||
| I also think there should be certain fights where you look at the final outcome of them, the person themselves. | ||
| I saw the press conference afterwards and somebody compared the photos of Henderson and him after the fight. | ||
| Just looking at their faces, you look at that. | ||
| The fight's still going on here. | ||
| That looks horrible. | ||
| I think, you know, here's the thing. | ||
| There's a thing called fight metric, okay? | ||
| And the fight metric is, you know, the idea of there's a bunch of different versions of it. | ||
| Kill your fucking cat, dude. | ||
| Why do you got your cat going off? | ||
| There's a bunch of different versions of it. | ||
| It's not a real cat. | ||
| We're talking about an electronic cat. | ||
| I have cats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love my cats. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Completely threw me off. | ||
| What were we even talking about? | ||
| Scoring something? | ||
| Scoring. | ||
| I hope you're saying something like... | ||
| If somebody goes like this, if I go like this, this counts, right? | ||
| This is point, point, point, point, point. | ||
| I don't think that should be the same as... | ||
| Significant strikes. | ||
| The difference is one guy's significant strikes do not equal the amount of damage done by the other guy's significant strikes. | ||
| So if one guy is a power puncher and he's landing super clean... | ||
| And the other guy doesn't hit as hard and he's not quite landing as clean or not quite landing as hard, the guy who hits you harder is the one who's really ultimately winning. | ||
| And when you look at how many punches were landed and how many strikes were landed, man, I bet Frankie Edgar landed a lot of solid strikes. | ||
| But he never seemed to really rock him. | ||
| There was one time he knocked him down with a right hand, but Henderson, that was at the end of the fight, where Henderson wanted him to get on top and he was pounding on him at the end, remember? | ||
| So it was like, you know, he had done... | ||
| I mean, I think that Frankie Edgar had done a lot. | ||
| It's conceivable that he, you know, easily people watching at home could have thought that he won. | ||
| Just by virtue of the fact that, you know, it's an amazing thing. | ||
| What he always does, he gets hurt and he comes back and you can't stop the guy's heart. | ||
| It's really, you root for the guy. | ||
| That's absolutely for sure. | ||
| You know, Frankie Edgar has the biggest heart of any fighter I've ever seen fight ever. | ||
| That guy has zero quit in him. | ||
| And there's a lot of people who would have taken their check and fucking, you know, there's a few shots that he's taken where a lot of people have been like, you know what, I don't think I can go on. | ||
| But that dude always finds a way to go on. | ||
| Not just go on, but he seems to go after you right after you do that to him. | ||
| And he wants to get you. | ||
| You know, he's unbelievably competitive. | ||
| But that other dude did a lot more damage. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| Ben Henderson is a really, really good fighter. | ||
| It's not just that Ben Henderson was bigger than him. | ||
| It's Benson Henderson is really good at almost everything. | ||
| His jujitsu's nasty. | ||
| His wrestling's nasty. | ||
| He's super strong. | ||
| He's always in great condition. | ||
| He can fucking kick like Bruce Lee. | ||
| That crazy shit he did when Frankie Edwards was grabbing his foot and he jumped up in the air and swung that foot over his head. | ||
| That was wild. | ||
| I mean, that's some Matrix shit. | ||
| I mean, what would have happened if that thing landed? | ||
| I mean, Frankie Edgar is so fast. | ||
| It's hard to catch him with anything like that. | ||
| I mean, he's just, especially in the early rounds, that dude moves like nobody else in the business. | ||
| I got to have really awesome seats. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| I mean, it was so amazing. | ||
| I got to sit right behind Joe. | ||
| But one thing I was so amazed by was that the photographer, the UFC photographer, I don't know if he does every single UFC, but just watching him work. | ||
| He has a camera on both sides. | ||
| He's just pulling one like a gun super fast. | ||
| Yeah, that's Josh. | ||
| And the shots he got, look at that shot. | ||
| That is just fucking amazing that he got that. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| I'm just amazed by his work, just watching him work. | ||
| And another thing was that it was so quiet in Japan because everyone was being polite, except there was some English people here and there that was screaming and making owl noises and stuff. | ||
| But it was awesome hearing the fight sounds. | ||
| That's one thing that I think not many people have probably got to experience, but Hearing it in Japan where it's super quiet and hearing those punches, that was scary almost. | ||
| That was like Monster in the Woods because you could feel how horrible that would have felt if that happened to yourself. | ||
| Well, things are always better when people around you shut the fuck up and just enjoy the things. | ||
| But most people, when they get to a crowd... | ||
| They just want to yell and scream. | ||
| And sometimes that's awesome. | ||
| Sometimes it enhances a fight when you're around people and everybody's screaming and something crazy is going on. | ||
| It enhances me. | ||
| When I'm watching a fight and I'm around a bunch of people going, oh shit, oh shit. | ||
| To me, that's like, it makes it crazy. | ||
| It makes it, you know, so there is something to that. | ||
| Would you prefer it to be quiet like the Japanese style? | ||
| I think that would be my ideal. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| It is pretty badass. | ||
| I went to see that band Honey Honey last night. | ||
| Oh yeah, how was that? | ||
| They were awesome. | ||
| But one of the things that it was... | ||
| I mean, they were really... | ||
| You're in love with that band. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They were really good. | |
| They were really fucking good, man. | ||
| So one of the things that was weird, though, was that it was in a crowd where a bunch of people were sitting around drinking and they were watching music. | ||
| And some people were just having full-on yelling conversations with themselves, with each other, while this band was playing. | ||
| And then some songs, everyone would shut the fuck up and it was amazing. | ||
| It was like, you know, there was some, like, really slow... | ||
| Those are the good songs there. | ||
| It's not even that, man. | ||
| It wasn't that those were the good songs. | ||
| It was like you just catch them when they're done talking. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Because people just get tired of talking about shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But they... | ||
| Bands don't seem to mind. | ||
| Like, they seem... | ||
| It seems to be okay to talk in a... | ||
| Certain settings, I'm sure, it's just like practice round, you know? | ||
| That's like... | ||
| They like that kind of... | ||
| Where they can kind of... | ||
| You know, play around a little more than normal. | ||
| Where instead of going like on tour, they... | ||
| I mean, did you see them in like a huge setting? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It was a really intimate environment. | ||
| It was really intimate. | ||
| It's probably like their open mics, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, for sure. | ||
| I don't think it was an open... | ||
| I mean, everyone was there to see them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it was like some free show that they were doing and they had to do it under an assumed name. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, kind of funky. | ||
| It was like, I don't know, they have some things coming up so they can't promote it. | ||
| You know, like, what is that thing up in India? | ||
| Coachella? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're on that. | ||
| Were you supposed to say that? | ||
| No, I forgot. | ||
| Was I not supposed to say it? | ||
| Yeah, they haven't announced it yet. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| It's online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just kidding. | |
| Fuck you. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| No one would care anyway. | ||
| I just got the scoop. | ||
| Why is it bad to know about something early? | ||
| Holy shit, it got out. | ||
| The good information got out early. | ||
| Especially in the case of something like that. | ||
| Insider trading, probably. | ||
| But there were some songs where no one talked at all. | ||
| And it was fucking incredible. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Live music is so different than live comedy. | ||
| It's so inspirational. | ||
| It's so inspirational to go and see something that someone's doing that's completely different than anything that you do. | ||
| But it's still performing. | ||
| I really enjoy the shit out of it. | ||
| I don't get a chance to do it. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Start doing guitar lessons. | ||
| I have no time. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I have no time. | ||
| Stop jiu-jitsu and start doing guitar and then you don't have to leave your family so much. | ||
| You just want nobody to do jiu-jitsu. | ||
| You want a world where no one can protect themselves. | ||
| Everyone's a big ball of jello. | ||
| I know someday it will happen that you'll be like, Brian, I'm not doing jiu-jitsu anymore. | ||
| We waddle through life with nary a setback. | ||
| Why would I stop doing jiu-jitsu? | ||
| Because you'll throw your hip out because you're 80 or something and be like, Brian, I've got to stop this jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Well, when that happens, I'll definitely stop. | ||
| So what would you say I would do? | ||
| What am I supposed to do after that? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I got too stoned, dude. | ||
| Before he even got here, he was like, let's smoke. | ||
| And so we've been smoking, and now I'm pretty much gone. | ||
| Yeah, be real from Cypress Hill. | ||
| Just smoke pot with us. | ||
| I want to get him and Doug Benson together and just see how that podcast goes. | ||
| He seems to handle it really well. | ||
| Be real, dude. | ||
| He never fades or gets weird. | ||
| He's a really nice guy, man. | ||
| Always been a really nice guy. | ||
| Just always has a good vibe around him. | ||
| It's like that he couldn't stay longer because I wanted to know. | ||
| I heard there was some weird stuff with him in Everlast at one point. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| The ones there? | ||
| Oh, don't go TMZing. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I think they're friends now. | ||
| I think this is like old, long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, well then don't bring it up. | ||
| Let people find out about it online. | ||
| You know, who knows? | ||
| Why leave something, you know? | ||
| People still send me negative Mencia shit. | ||
| Dice got mad. | ||
| Dice sent me a text. | ||
| Want to read Dice's text? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What happened there? | ||
| I'll tell you right now. | ||
| He's not mad at me. | ||
| I love Dice. | ||
| Dice is one of those guys, I don't care how crazy you say Dice is, you know, I don't care how much people say like, oh, you know, sometimes he's a jerk, he won't take pictures. | ||
| Listen, in my book, there's only a few comedy deities. | ||
| There's only a few of them. | ||
| George Carlin's not around, but Dice still is. | ||
| And it sounds ridiculous, but when I was a kid, man, when Dice Clay first started blowing up, Dice Clay to me was like, you know, I mean, So, Those first ones, I listened to them on cassette. | ||
| God damn, they were good. | ||
| They were hilarious. | ||
| You would stop your car parked and everyone in the car would be fucking howling listening to the cassette. | ||
| So this is what he says. | ||
| This is the first fucking text Dice has ever sent me. | ||
| So, cocksucker Mencia. | ||
| Now steals Titus for his specials. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Carlos rules. | |
| He has to pay. | ||
| And trust me, he will. | ||
| By the way, this is Dice. | ||
| Hope you're doing good. | ||
| That's the text. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| To me, to get a text like that from Dice Clay, that is a fucking honor. | ||
| That, to me, is an honor. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| The first text I ever got from Dice Clay. | ||
| That's really cool. | ||
| You should print it out. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| When I was a kid, man, I fucking thought that was the funniest shit I had ever heard in my life. | ||
| And I told you, when we talked about it with... | ||
| Who was on? | ||
| Which show was it on when we talked about the Dice thing? | ||
| Oh, Amy Schumer. | ||
| Amy Schumer, yes. | ||
| It was, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| She's a fan. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| She was so cool, dude. | ||
| That was one of my favorite podcasts. | ||
| She was amazing. | ||
| And Amy Schumer, we were talking about The Day the Laughter Died. | ||
| Well, apparently a lot of people started buying it after we said it. | ||
| I got so many tweets saying how fucking funny he is. | ||
| If you're like a real comedy fan and you want to see a guy, go up and do two hours of just fucking around. | ||
| I'm not trying to make any money off The Day the Laughter Died, but it's a goddamn work of art. | ||
| Just buy it through Doug.com now. | ||
| Jesus, Brian! | ||
| Jesus, Brian! | ||
| Did your email inform you when you got back that you had been making emails from Japan? | ||
| No. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I have some sophistication set up behind my email so that it lets me know if somebody hacks into my shit. | ||
| Oh, so it was just trying to pre-warn you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, listen, man, someone's tapped into your shit in Japan. | |
| Boom, da-da! | ||
| I was really off the grid in Japan because I was so scared that, like, that text that you got on your phone that says, like, you know, one megabyte of data is $24.95. | ||
| I'm like, oh, nope, no data. | ||
| Turn off data. | ||
| You know, I didn't want to use my phone at all. | ||
| I was scared with text messages. | ||
| It's funny how they can do that. | ||
| Just charge you a fuckload as if, like, what you're doing over there is more expensive. | ||
| Yeah, it's all the same fucking network. | ||
| Don't be a cunt. | ||
| Just process it. | ||
| Can you guys just agree that... | ||
| Put it in the computer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, can you agree that, oh, well, someone comes over and uses our stuff, what's your rate? | ||
| Okay, we'll accept your rate, and you just pay what their normal rate is. | ||
| Not this wacky $5 a fucking megabyte bullshit. | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| Where are you coming up with that? | ||
| Nobody's paying that much. | ||
| Switch to an email-based system where you don't have phone numbers anymore, you just have emails. | ||
| You know, like, I want to call your email. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, when we go overseas, it's zero zeros or country code, 874. That's not the issue. | ||
| The issue is you need a new service provider everywhere you tap in. | ||
| Yeah, it shouldn't be like that. | ||
| That's the issue. | ||
| So what you're saying is that it should be one universal service provider for the whole world, and that's how we talk to each other like an email. | ||
| Skype is Skype. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gmail chat. | ||
| I guess, but even then, somebody has to provide the backbone for the internet, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, but it's already done. | ||
| There's already the internet. | ||
| Yeah, but to be able to... | ||
| I mean, what you're saying is you want the phone to be like that. | ||
| It should be based on Wi-Fi. | ||
| So you're saying it should go through... | ||
| So the internet should be everywhere and it shouldn't be cellular signals anymore? | ||
| I don't know what I'm saying anymore, John. | ||
| Brian, you're too high to be... | ||
| No, I think... | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| I think the government should have Wi-Fi towers and the whole telephone system and everything like that should be based off like a government-based... | ||
| There shouldn't be AT&T. There shouldn't be these cell phone servers. | ||
| It should just be all... | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| I don't know what I'm digging myself into. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| You're saying communication should all be really simple. | ||
| Yeah, it shouldn't have country codes. | ||
| It shouldn't cost $24 if I'm on one side of this piece of water and then on the other side. | ||
| Yeah, the problem is you have to have local people have to profit. | ||
| From the infrastructure, you know, that's set up, right? | ||
| So the people that have created it in Japan or, you know, whoever owns wherever you're at, whoever owns the towers that display or that send out the information that you're riding on, that you're roaming on, whoever built that shit and made investments, I can understand why they would want a service fee. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I can understand. | ||
| Like, if you want to come over here and use our internet, you can use it at our rate, plus you have to pay $25. | ||
| You know, like a 24-hour user's fee. | ||
| Yeah, but it was so ridiculous. | ||
| One megabyte is $24.95. | ||
| It is, but I mean, if you let people pay at a reasonable rate and then have that same exchange going on with their company so that if someone was over in America and you're from overseas, you know, you can use AT&T and it won't, you know, be any more ridiculous for you, too. | ||
| Yeah, but it shouldn't be like I accidentally sent you a photo by text message and it cost $250. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, you know, somebody sent me back one and it cost $125 and I couldn't say stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Don't want to have image automatically download. | ||
| Is that possible that it would cost that much money though? | ||
| Well, $24.95 a megabyte, a photo is like, what? | ||
| $25. | ||
| 3 megabytes on an iPhone? | ||
| Something like that? | ||
| It's like one of those droid phones with the crazy cameras. | ||
| Yeah, it's something like that. | ||
| They have some like 8 and 10 megapixel camera phones, don't they? | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's fucking amazing. | ||
| iPad 3, March 7th. | ||
| I'm not ready. | ||
| I didn't even use the iPad 2. I still have the iPad 1. I like the Kindle. | ||
| You know, I like laptops or a Kindle. | ||
| You know what I like about the Kindle, man? | ||
| I like the way the paper looks. | ||
| I don't like the way it's not glossy. | ||
| It looks like paper. | ||
| It's like that technology, I think, is really pretty fucking badass. | ||
| I don't use the iPad for anything else. | ||
| Maybe watching TV shows is good for that. | ||
| It's good for when you're getting tattooed and you watch TV shows while you're sitting there. | ||
| It helps the time go by when someone's drilling in your arm. | ||
| I like surfing the net on it. | ||
| I think it's good to surf it. | ||
| Do you find that there's... | ||
| How many websites do you come across that are flash supported that you can't actually... | ||
| Oh, nowadays everything's iPad friendly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I never run into any problems with it. | ||
| Old comedians, I bet. | ||
| A lot of flash sites. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a good thing. | ||
| My shit was always Flash-based. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't know that Flash was that wonky. | ||
| Yeah, it's always been kind of wonky. | ||
| I mean, that's the problem. | ||
| Can they recover? | ||
| That's the problem with websites. | ||
| I use WordPress for most of my shit nowadays because the reason being is... | ||
| It just got to a point where Chrome would work a certain way with HTML and another browser would work a different way. | ||
| So you'd make a website for somebody. | ||
| And then different operating systems, you'd log on to Windows and then compare it to Mac. | ||
| It's not the same. | ||
| Shit's all fucked up on the Mac version. | ||
| So then you have to find out how to fix that. | ||
| And there's just too many browsers, too many operating systems. | ||
| There's too many mobile devices that go on the internet nowadays. | ||
| It seems like they've almost... | ||
| Nowadays, you just want the most simplest thing, like a WordPress or a blog, or even have it be something else like a Tumblr. | ||
| You just have your.com linked to a Tumblr nowadays. | ||
| It's just to make it easy. | ||
| Let somebody else deal with all that fucking cross-platform bullshit of design and stuff. | ||
| The idea is just to get your message out to people. | ||
| So you should have redband.com go to a Tumblr site? | ||
| That's what I'm almost thinking nowadays. | ||
| Is Tumblr really that popular? | ||
| Is that the new thing? | ||
| Am I missing out? | ||
| Yeah, Tumblr probably could be the next Twitter thing. | ||
| Am I missing out? | ||
| Yeah, you should. | ||
| You should definitely get a Tumblr. | ||
| And nowadays, your Tumblr just links to Twitter. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I used to write blog entries. | ||
| If I was going to redo them, I should write them on Twitter or write them on Tumblr or something like that. | ||
| That's what I think nowadays. | ||
| I just spent a bunch of money for this WordPress stuff for Death Squad. | ||
| It's still buggy. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| I tried it in a different browser and it was a little bit off than I wanted. | ||
| I'm like, "This is stupid. | ||
| Why do I go to a livejournal.com or Facebook?" It pretty much works exactly the same. | ||
| I like what you're thinking. | ||
| As long as it was set up somewhere where it's preserved in case Tumblr gets hit with some crazy virus or some bullshit, you lose all your stuff. | ||
| They're all backed up so well nowadays. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| Yeah, because it's almost like a reliability that they have to. | ||
| But is it possible that you could have it like that, where you would have your site update? | ||
| When you update your site, it updates your Tumblr as well? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that you could store it? | ||
| Yeah, I think linking it to your Twitter, linking it to your Facebook. | ||
| Make it so you just do it one, but it does separate, branch off to all the different... | ||
| What if, when you go to my site, there's two options. | ||
| One branches you off to the Tumblr, the other branches you off to podcasts. | ||
| No, you can do that. | ||
| That might not be a bad idea. | ||
| No, no, you can do that. | ||
| All you want your website to be is pretty much a bookmark with all your different links. | ||
| Like, here's your Twitter, here's your Tumblr, here's your... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But have it all be like... | ||
| I definitely think that I could do something cool with my website. | ||
| I need to make it easier to find my old writing. | ||
| I've got to figure out a better system. | ||
| You know what you need to do? | ||
| You need to hire somebody to take all that shit and go to a Tumblr and reblog it for you. | ||
| I mean, it's super time consuming. | ||
| But is it Tumblr? | ||
| Is it really that superior? | ||
| Is it really that good to do? | ||
| Yeah, but you could cut and paste that into four different things. | ||
| You can paste it onto your Facebook page. | ||
| You can put it on your Tumblr. | ||
| But is the Tumblr idea the idea that in doing it like that, where you do it into some big public platform like some MySpace type thing, that you're just going to get a lot more eyes on it? | ||
| Yeah, more community. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| More community and the other option is that it keeps you from having to worry about bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| How sites are. | ||
| How sites are. | ||
| Yeah, because I have sites I go to in Safari and then I go to them in Chrome. | ||
| They're totally different. | ||
| Yeah, it's just a pain in the ass to maintain that. | ||
| Especially if it has like little frames. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to move the frames around. | ||
| A lot of people spend a lot of money on web designers. | ||
| They design an awesome website. | ||
| A year later, there's a new update in Flash. | ||
| There's a new update in something that throws off the coding a little bit. | ||
| So you have to have somebody maintain it all the time. | ||
| It's a pain in the ass. | ||
| Let somebody else do that. | ||
| If it's about getting a blog out, why not have a community of people? | ||
| That's smart, but I just don't trust it. | ||
| Someone's going to hack it and sell iPads from it. | ||
| They can already do that. | ||
| Somebody got hacked. | ||
| Oh, Mike Goldberg got hacked. | ||
| Somebody hacked into his shit and was trying to sell something. | ||
| You said hacked, right? | ||
| Hacked. | ||
| His Twitter got hacked. | ||
| Mine got hacked, too. | ||
| Yeah, Mike got hacked twice in a row or something like that on Twitter. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Poor guy. | ||
| He gets hacked by his daughter. | ||
| Goldberg's daughter goes and takes his tweets down. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He gets mad at people, man. | ||
| I told them, don't get mad. | ||
| They're just hating. | ||
| He'll get out there and fight with them. | ||
| You know, Mike Goldberg doesn't want to take any bullshit from people. | ||
| He'll get mad. | ||
| Maybe he's got a cocktail in him. | ||
| You sons of bitches. | ||
| I've already had a lot with Mike Goldberg over the weekend. | ||
| He's a good dude. | ||
| He is a good guy. | ||
| He's a very good dude. | ||
| You know, Mike Goldberg's been around sports his whole fucking life. | ||
| He's always been around savages his whole life. | ||
| He's been around hockey players and animals. | ||
| He's just a fun guy. | ||
| He's a fun guy to be around. | ||
| Japan was a fucking great time, man. | ||
| That was a really interesting culture. | ||
| You know what I'm getting sick of, man? | ||
| How come I can't enjoy something? | ||
| We were talking about how Brazil was beautiful and amazing, talking about how much I enjoyed Japan. | ||
| I get these fucking emails from people who go, yeah, you like it so much, why don't you fucking move there? | ||
| I would move there. | ||
| Not email. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| Twitter messages. | ||
| I've gotten only Twitter messages. | ||
| It's so silly. | ||
| How come you can't just enjoy certain aspects of another country? | ||
| I'm not saying that Japan is better than America. | ||
| I definitely enjoy America more than Japan. | ||
| There's some things about Japan I didn't like. | ||
| What didn't you like? | ||
| I didn't like the fact that I had to cover up my tattoos when I went places. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I went to the gym, they made me cover up my tattoos. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| They actually gave me a shirt to wear. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| A long sleeve shirt. | ||
| Because they have a Yakuza thing. | ||
| Jeff Curran, one of the guys who fights for the UFC, said he was on Twitter. | ||
| He said he was doing squats and a lady came over and started taping up a tattoo on his leg in the middle of his squatting. | ||
| She's like wrapping his tattoo up while he's squatting. | ||
| What was the reason? | ||
| Dragons are going to come out of it? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It's Yakuza. | ||
| It's gang type shit. | ||
| They're worried about organized crime. | ||
| They're worried about the perceptions. | ||
| In their culture, tattoos have a very different feeling than they do in this culture. | ||
| In their culture, if you have tattoos all over your body, it's very possible you're connected to the Yakuza. | ||
| That's the initial... | ||
| Originally, the guys who wore the bodysuits, those were the Japanese gangsters. | ||
| So there's no tattoo powers in Japan, right? | ||
| Oh, there's definitely tattoo powers. | ||
| And it's not all of them because there's some of them that are, you know, obviously there's some of them that are artists and some of them that are just young people like tattoos. | ||
| A lot of Japanese fighters have tattoos. | ||
| Kid Yamamoto has crazy tattoos all over the place. | ||
| I mean, there's people that fight that social restriction, but you're not allowed to go into public swimming pools. | ||
| If there's a swimming pool at the hotel, they won't let you get in the water. | ||
| If you have tattoos, you have to leave. | ||
| If you want to go in the gym, you have to wear a long-sleeved shirt. | ||
| That's just how they are. | ||
| I mean, I guess in their culture it just means something different. | ||
| It means, you know, it's like people don't want to feel uncomfortable. | ||
| They don't want to go somewhere and have someone, you know, and I kind of see their point. | ||
| You know, you don't know. | ||
| You see someone all tattooed up and that looks kind of creepy. | ||
| You know, you're there with your kids or something. | ||
| What if this person's like an aggressive, angry person? | ||
| You know, that seems like a weird message to send. | ||
| You know, that's their perception. | ||
| I totally understand it. | ||
| They're so fucking nice there, it doesn't even bother you. | ||
| I mean, you know, she's like, thank you for understanding. | ||
| Thank you for understanding. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was very nice about it. | ||
| She wasn't judgmental. | ||
| If that had happened, like, in some place, you know, some fucking weird place, you know, if you were in, like, if you had, like, some... | ||
| Camel-type place. | ||
| Yeah, if you had, like, Satan tattooed on your arm. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, you went to Kentucky and tried to use the gym. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| We don't allow Satan to work out in this gym. | ||
| So if you want to come in here and threaten all these people with your Satan tattoo, I could see that happening. | ||
| They would just kick you out and yell at you. | ||
| But this lady was so nice. | ||
| Sorry, we have to cover tattoos. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| We have a shirt for you. | ||
| I go, you have a shirt for me? | ||
| Yeah, we will get that shirt for you. | ||
| I go, well, I could just go back up to my room and put a shirt on, put a long sleeve shirt on. | ||
| She goes, no, no, what size? | ||
| And I said, a large, extra large, whatever you got. | ||
| She comes back with a large. | ||
| I put it on. | ||
| I put it on right there before I go in. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I cover up. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I'm glad I didn't bust out my waterfall tattoo. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| This is weird. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's their culture. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You know what was also weird? | ||
| Like, I went to a couple of the nightclubs. | ||
| And, like, when the Russians walked in, the Russian women... | ||
| Russian women were really popular in Japan. | ||
| And so these really beautiful, like in a runway kind of beautiful way, like they're slightly weird looking, but you can tell that they're models. | ||
| But they would walk in and immediately this weird energy, like they were up to something or they just seemed evil. | ||
| Well, it's funny. | ||
| The Japanese, the Russians have always had some sort of a connection in Japan with mixed martial arts. | ||
| Because the Japanese always, you know, like when they ran Pride, they always had like badass Russian guys. | ||
| Like Igor of Chanshin came down, and of course Fedor came down, Fedor's brother. | ||
| You know, there's a bunch of different guys, like badass dudes that came from Russia. | ||
| It's really funny that like connection of Russia and Japan, you know, in mixed martial arts. | ||
| So when you're out in a club and in the model world, the connection between Japan and Russia must be pretty intense as well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Those girls are everywhere, right? | ||
| That's what they like, right? | ||
| Yeah, and they seem like I asked a lot about them because every time they would walk in, I would get the same vibe every time I saw them. | ||
| And I guess they come out feeling like they're going to be the next best thing because they come out there to actually be legit models, but then they slowly turn into like... | ||
| Hookers and stuff like that. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| But the first batch of them is what you would always see out at the clubs. | ||
| And it was just weird because I don't know why I think that. | ||
| I'm just very intimidated by it. | ||
| Russian women kind of freak me out. | ||
| They're very beautiful and they have this weird look or vibe to them. | ||
| This There's some of them that are very nice. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Obviously, there's some of them that are very nice, but there's a lot of people in Russia that lived a hard life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And people that lived a hard life, girls that have seen some shit that maybe you haven't seen, and maybe their perceptions of death and life and crimes and what you've got to do to get by, maybe it's different than yours, and maybe they happen to be beautiful as well. | ||
| I think it's the beautiful thing. | ||
| Yeah, they're beautiful and they grew up in a place, you know, who knows? | ||
| I mean, but if a girl's, you know, essentially a sex worker, most likely, yeah, most likely she did grow up in some really fucked up place, you know? | ||
| I mean, a lot of these girls that do become like escorts, you know, I mean, think about that. | ||
| Would you imagine if that could, you know, imagine if that was your daughter? | ||
| Imagine if that was your child that grew to become some woman who would fly around the world and... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was also weird when you're walking down this one street. | ||
| I got lost in Japan a lot, by the way, because you had to do a lot of work or you wanted to work out and stuff. | ||
| I would take weird walks because it felt so safe to walk there at night. | ||
| And one time I walked four hours the wrong direction and I was completely lost. | ||
| Yeah, you went fucking nutty one night, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did. | ||
| You know, my thought is always when I come to a place like, I better be... | ||
| I like watching the fights better. | ||
| I feel like I'm more focused when I get some fucking sleep. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I forced myself to get some sleep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you were like, well, I'm in Japan. | ||
| I got to make this happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was weird because every three blocks... | ||
| This one street was just awesome. | ||
| I think it was the Red Light District or something. | ||
| And every three steps I would take, somebody grabbed me and was like, You want massage? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Massage? | ||
| Massage? | ||
| And so I finally went with one of them. | ||
| I was like, you know what? | ||
| I like massages. | ||
| And what she's saying to me, converting in my head, was like $40 or something like that. | ||
| So I was like, I'll take you up on it because you're just a really hot Asian woman. | ||
| And so we go up to this weird room. | ||
| It was super weird with this curtain. | ||
| And then she leaves the room and this older Asian woman comes out. | ||
| And then I got a massage from a really scary Asian woman. | ||
| And then at the end, it's the first time this ever happened. | ||
| And she goes, oh, you want a happy ending? | ||
| And I'm like, no, no, no, no, that's okay. | ||
| And I had to talk myself out of not getting a happy ending because it was that. | ||
| I mean, you would think like, yeah, why not? | ||
| No one's going to know. | ||
| But it was that creepy of an Asian old woman. | ||
| So you just admitted that you would be down for a happy ending under the right circumstances. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| I think that's what you just did. | ||
| Son, you gotta be more careful with your words. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I would never say that. | ||
| Of course you wouldn't. | ||
| Why would you want a massage on your dick? | ||
| Because it's not appropriate. | ||
| Our society does not condone it or allow it, Brian. | ||
| You can get a massage on your neck. | ||
| You can get your nose played with. | ||
| It's totally legal. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| There's something really gay about that. | ||
| Imagine if there was a guy and that's what he would do. | ||
| He'd just rub and kiss your nose. | ||
| That was his business. | ||
| Some people do neck massages. | ||
| Some people are into re-phychology. | ||
| What is that reflexology when they play with your feet? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not real, is it? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| I think there's something to it. | ||
| When they have the broken down meridians of the foot, is it real? | ||
| I think that's real. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I don't know, though, but I would say... | ||
| Because, I mean, when they play with certain parts of your face, you know, that's different pressures of your face. | ||
| You can feel it, especially when it's around the third eye. | ||
| You ever feel that? | ||
| When they play with your face? | ||
| Yeah, where they take hot oil on your third eye right here in the middle, and they just kind of slowly rub it. | ||
| You can feel the release of some kind of tension in your head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| What the fuck do you think that is, Brian? | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| Massage is nice. | ||
| Massage on your dick, just as nice. | ||
| It's really that simple. | ||
| No one wants to look at it that way, because you don't want your wife going to some place and getting fingered. | ||
| It was also weird seeing the Africans in Japan because they would be like the people that would work the streets. | ||
| Did you know, I wanted to say this before I forget, because we're talking about going to doctors and getting fingered. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, that is what women used to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yes. | ||
| The idea of women being hysterical. | ||
| Hysterical is connected to like hysterectomy. | ||
| It's connected to losing your fucking mind because you're not coming. | ||
| A lot of women would go to doctors, this is a long time ago, and the doctor would actually manipulate them to orgasm. | ||
| Yes, it was a common thing. | ||
| Common thing. | ||
| They don't do it anymore? | ||
| Nope, they don't do it anymore. | ||
| But men would see these oppressed, fucked up sexual women and the thing to do scientifically was to stimulate them to orgasm. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| When did that stop? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know any of the history on it. | ||
| I should probably Google it while we're sitting here talking. | ||
| I should substantiate it because I'm pretty sure it's true. | ||
| Who was the cock blocker on that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Probably some religious guy that wanted to fuck men. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| The Africans in Japan were the guys that were supposed to be the ass kissers. | ||
| They'd come up like, hey man, come on. | ||
| Come in this bar, man. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| You want some weed? | ||
| And somebody did offer me weed, which I guess is super crazy illegal in Japan. | ||
| So I was like, no. | ||
| As much as I want to smoke, I don't feel like I'm going to jail for a year. | ||
| I guess it was like the minimum of getting weed in Japan. | ||
| Is it really that much? | ||
| Yeah, something like that he was saying. | ||
| This other guy was saying. | ||
| Yeah, there's a whole book on this subject. | ||
| The Technology of Orgasm, Hysteria, the Vibrator, and Women's Sexual Satisfaction. | ||
| It's a John Hopkins study in the history of technology. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pretty crazy, man. | ||
| So listen to this. | ||
| From a time of Hippocrates since the 1920s, massaging female patients to orgasm was a staple of medical practice amongst Western physicians in the treatment of hysteria, an ailment once considered both common and chronic in women. | ||
| Doctors loathe this time-consuming procedure for centuries and... | ||
| What? | ||
| Doctors loathed this time-consuming procedure and for centuries relied on midwives. | ||
| And later they substituted the efficacy of mechanical devices, including the electric vibrator invented in the 1880s and the technology of orgasm. | ||
| Ralph Maines offers readers a stimulating, surprising, and often humorous account of this hysteria and its treatment throughout the ages. | ||
| So this has been like, that's like a standard treatment for a long time. | ||
| They just stopped doing it. | ||
| Well, it makes sense, man. | ||
| Just like it makes sense that men need to get jerked off. | ||
| Ideally, you would want your husband to do it. | ||
| Ideally, you'd want your boyfriend, your lover, whatever. | ||
| You would want the person that you engage in sex with to get you off. | ||
| But if that's not happening, you're probably losing your shit and you become a less effective functioning method or a member of society, rather. | ||
| That method of relieving the tension and just the physical tension of nothing else. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| There's a physical tension in your body. | ||
| You manipulate it. | ||
| It doesn't mean there's no love involved there. | ||
| There's nothing. | ||
| It's just you have a buildup. | ||
| It's like blowing your nose. | ||
| Except the doctor's fingering you. | ||
| I just... | ||
| Yeah, I think the doctor shouldn't do that. | ||
| I would hate that doctor still... | ||
| To your girl. | ||
| Yeah, that's why. | ||
| Because you're not doing any work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you like that? | |
| No, I don't want the doctor wiping my daughter's butt either. | ||
| You want to be able to do your job as a parent. | ||
| Your girlfriend would be like, I'm going to the doctor again. | ||
| You want to be able to do your job as a man. | ||
| You want to be able to do your job as a man. | ||
| If your girl's going to the doctor, get her finger banged, her little pussy with a mechanical device because the doctor's good at it. | ||
| Maybe the doctor's hot. | ||
| Maybe he's eating her ass while he does it. | ||
| Listen, I'm just going to eat your ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I can't believe we're doing this. | ||
| Is this in the... | ||
| Are you really supposed to be doing this? | ||
| I'm just sexually pleasing you. | ||
| That's what my job is. | ||
| Let me eat your ass. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Would you be upset? | ||
| If you're like, this is so crazy. | ||
| I went to the doctor to get my weekly hysteria release. | ||
| I mean, they recommended it. | ||
| I have to go, especially since you can't get it up anymore. | ||
| And while in the middle of the hysteria release, he just starts eating my ass. | ||
| And I'm like, okay, is this part... | ||
| I mean, is that cheating? | ||
| Is that cheating? | ||
| It's not cheating if he's fingering her. | ||
| But if he starts eating her ass, is that cheating? | ||
| He's just being a doctor. | ||
| He said I come quicker when he eats my ass and he doesn't have time to just keep fingering me. | ||
| If you were really, if you were going to finger someone, the best way to do it is to really just go crazy. | ||
| What gets her off? | ||
| Is it eating your asshole? | ||
| So while he's fingering, he's probably like, Mrs. Rockhold, I don't know how to bring this up, so I'll just be blunt. | ||
| Is there a better way for me to be fingering you here? | ||
| If I eat your asshole, do you think you'll come quicker? | ||
| Because my hand's getting tired and there's a lot of people after you in line. | ||
| Have you ever got prune hands from fingering a girl? | ||
| I don't think it happens. | ||
| I think there's like an alien-like slippery, slimy stuff that's inside the woman's body and it doesn't interact with your body like water. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| Unless your girl is pissing on your hands so much that they prune up. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| That's because your girl shoots, right? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Doesn't she have that thing? | ||
| No, not her. | ||
| She's a blowhole? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Can you imagine if that was normal, if every man and woman had a blowhole in their back and they just shot fucking water up in the air everywhere we were? | ||
| You drink water, but you could shoot it up there so that you could do both. | ||
| You could swim in the ocean and you could also live on the ground if we had a blowhole. | ||
| Why would that hurt us? | ||
| An extra little hole. | ||
| We could be both. | ||
| We could be like Aquaman. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We could swim around, no problem. | ||
| We have a shit design. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, one of the theories is that human beings actually evolved in the water. | ||
| It's called the aquatic ape theory. | ||
| The idea is that we're the only animal that has, its babies have so much fat on them, and that some of that might have been so that they were more buoyant. | ||
| Like, in case they fell into the water, you could catch them quicker. | ||
| Like, that's like, we were born with this layer of fat all over us, and eventually we become, like, a smaller version of ourselves. | ||
| But chimps, like, as they're born, little babies, little muscle-bound, little babies, they're not all fat and chubby like our babies. | ||
| Our babies are all fat and chubby. | ||
| What if like thousands and thousands and thousands of years ago, before Caveman, before everything, we were just like really, really fat and just lived in puddles. | ||
| And so we just like, we still talked, like, hey, what's going on? | ||
| But we just like lay in puddles and we couldn't move because we couldn't walk yet. | ||
| Well, maybe we found some food that was so awesome that was in the puddles. | ||
| That's all we needed to do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, it just tasted like chocolate cake and it was the best thing for your body. | ||
| And so it's like the best way to get out is just eat it all day. | ||
| And we just laid in puddles and eat this fungus, this chocolate cake fungus that tasted awesome. | ||
| What a creepy visual. | ||
| Yeah, what a creepy visual. | ||
| Like a Pink Floyd visual. | ||
| You know what really creeped me out the other day, man? | ||
| I was watching something on volcanoes, and they were showing all the different towns. | ||
| Apparently, they have discovered a whole volcanic, like an entire forest. | ||
| I believe it's in China. | ||
| Under a volcano like hundreds of millions of years old and they're gonna like dig down into this and this and like a whole like forest had been covered by volcanic ash and shit. | ||
| They're sort of just discovering it and unpiecing it now and you realize when you see shit like that that at any point in time these giant natural disasters that have happened so many times over the history of the planet like we haven't got that wired yet. | ||
| We don't know when they're coming. | ||
| We don't know what to do when they hit or if we can do anything. | ||
| Like, the big ones, like the super volcanoes and the shifting of the polar ice caps, like, all that stuff's coming. | ||
| Like, that's how the planet works. | ||
| Like, it almost seems like it's designed that way. | ||
| Like, there's a little reset button that goes on. | ||
| You only play the game for so long, and then, bah, time's up. | ||
| Next civilization. | ||
| You know, you gotta bring in the next people to play the game. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Could you imagine if that's what civilization is? | ||
| Really, realistically, humans in this form, how long have they been around? | ||
| How long have monkeys been around? | ||
| How many millions of years? | ||
| Let's just get crazy and just say, 65 million years ago when the dinosaurs got hit by that big meteor, let's say there was no monkeys back then, because I'm pretty sure there weren't. | ||
| So just in 65 million years, which is nothing, all this shit has happened. | ||
| You know? | ||
| All this shit has happened. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| This couldn't have happened. | ||
| What if this happened already? | ||
| What if the whole thing had been started from the beginning to the end? | ||
| People had figured things out. | ||
| There was, you know, an advanced civilization. | ||
| And it got hit by a fucking meteor. | ||
| And then it had to start all over again. | ||
| From scratch. | ||
| From scratch with amoebas and things that survive at the bottom of the sea to eventually intelligent life. | ||
| How many times could that happen in the course of a sun? | ||
| You know? | ||
| All that shit's possible. | ||
| This could end for us at any moment. | ||
| Any moment, boom, the sky turns bright and that's the end because a hypernova a couple million light years away blew up on us. | ||
| I was kind of scared flying back. | ||
| I kept on falling asleep and then waking up thinking about we were flying over the ocean. | ||
| That was the first time I ever flew over the ocean. | ||
| And that really, if you think about it while you're flying over the ocean, it's really creepy to think about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Well, you were sober, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you were actually a little drunk still from the night before. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I was definitely drunk. | ||
| Barely, but you're not really. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know when you're hammered. | ||
| But it was like, I was thinking, like, if there was an emergency landing, you needed to get... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| There's no emergency landing in the middle of the ocean, dude. | ||
| And then I was thinking about, like, how you... | ||
| How are they going to even get you, by the way? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If something goes down in the middle of the ocean, they don't send in a plane to land and go get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| They have to bring in boats. | ||
| Or fishermen to get the sharks to get your body out of them. | ||
| Some boat, yeah, that's somewhere near you where it happened. | ||
| They send that out. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Fuck that, indeed. | ||
| But what are you going to do? | ||
| Are you going to stay home? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Or are you going to fly to Japan? | ||
| Don't think of it when you're flying in the ocean. | ||
| I kept on thinking about it. | ||
| I couldn't stop thinking about it. | ||
| It was freezing me out. | ||
| You shouldn't do that. | ||
| Yeah, our forms of transportation are quite frightening when you think about what happens when they go wrong. | ||
| But what's really fascinating is what does the future hold? | ||
| You know, 200 years ago when people were first putting together railroads, they would have never, ever believed that we could get to the point we are today. | ||
| 200 years ago, there was no cars 200 years ago, right? | ||
| In 1811, there was no cars. | ||
| So, imagine that. | ||
| Imagine that amount of time and imagine what has taken place. | ||
| And now think about what that amount of time in the future is going to hold. | ||
| We're going to... | ||
| It's going to be like... | ||
| People miss. | ||
| If you don't get there, you just splatter into a fucking billion particles and blow off in the wind. | ||
| That's what's going to happen. | ||
| We're going to make some sort of a Star Trek replica thing where you beam yourself places. | ||
| And shit's going to go wrong sometimes. | ||
| There's going to be terrorists that set up mirrors so that as you try to beam yourself up, it fucking scatters your essence all throughout the universe. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who knows what kind of crazy time travel teleportation shit they're going to be able to figure out as far as travel in the next 200 years. | ||
| I think it's going to have something to do with traveling back from Japan to LA back and forth so many times until you start going back in time more and more and more. | ||
| How weird is that, though? | ||
| Like, we relived the same morning twice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is so weird. | |
| It is pretty crazy, but do you think that at a certain point in time, when, you know, if they've... | ||
| Because I know they've done things with particles, where they've managed to teleport particles, but I don't quite understand that shit. | ||
| I don't understand if they're... | ||
| I don't know what's really going on there. | ||
| But you gotta assume that if they could figure out a way to transport anything, anything, even an email, even the idea that something's going through a fucking, going through a Wi-Fi network in space, it's in the air, and it lands in your fucking laptop, and you're just sitting there wirelessly connected to, you know, to the universe, and then something comes in, a big file, a big piece of information. | ||
| You know, the fact that you can do that... | ||
| You start thinking about what if you could figure out a way to break a person down to ones and zeros. | ||
| What if you could break a person down to a program? | ||
| If you commit to being a program, in our internet we offer you a lifelong creative adventure. | ||
| You can decide what you want to do with your life. | ||
| You'll be living online and your consciousness will be in the hand of trusted engineers that were responsible for such amazing movies as Lord of the Rings and King Kong. | ||
| You get to sign up for this shit, and as long as your credit holds out, they just connect you and your essence to a computer, and they throw you into a computer simulation, and you're just a plug in the wall. | ||
| We already are. | ||
| Like the Matrix. | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| We already are. | ||
| What is that guy's name? | ||
| The guy who decided he was going to give up? | ||
| Joe... | ||
| Biden? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| In The Matrix. | ||
| He was a very famous, like he was always in those gangster movies. | ||
| Joey Pants. | ||
| Joe Pantalone. | ||
| You know who I'm talking about? | ||
| No. | ||
| Very good actor. | ||
| Anyway, he's the one who was in The Matrix and he decided that he was going to give up and he was going to join the other side. | ||
| He was like one of the good guys, one of the parts of the resistance, but he couldn't hack it anymore. | ||
| He's getting tired of it, so he's going to give up Morpheus. | ||
| And they were in a restaurant with him, and he's eating steak, and he was telling them that he wants to be a good-looking guy, an important person, maybe a movie star. | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| You remember that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That was pretty wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you know there'd be people like that if that really presented itself. | ||
| Like, here's what you can do. | ||
| You can either continue what you're doing or be the baddest motherfucker in the world in The Matrix, and you won't be able to discern whether it's real or not. | ||
| A lot of people would take that. | ||
| What a weird choice and a real possibility. | ||
| When you stop and think about what an incredible movie that was, that that movie presented this idea, and the fact that as technology moves forward, that might one day become a possibility. | ||
| Some sort of a computer neuro interface that projects a created reality into your own head and hijacks all your senses and has all your senses feeling and smelling and has your dick getting hard and you really think you're fucking. | ||
| You think everything's going on. | ||
| You're the king of the goddamn world. | ||
| You're Conan the Barbarian. | ||
| You're slaying dragons. | ||
| You never even die. | ||
| Every time you want to win, you win and you're just fucking bitches everywhere over the bodies of your enemies. | ||
| It probably is going to be something like that. | ||
| We're going to wake up from the program and go, oh yeah, we started this program a long time ago. | ||
| We're somewhere else and we're like, oh, we forgot. | ||
| We're just in a buggy version. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know when you wake up from getting anesthesia or something like that and you're like... | ||
| Wait, what the fuck? | ||
| Oh yeah, I had the operation. | ||
| I was knocked out. | ||
| But what if we wake up from life like that? | ||
| Where we're like, oh yeah, I started this program, this life program hack on my phone. | ||
| Did somebody just knock on the door? | ||
| Nah, that was a car accident. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no. | |
| This is what I was going to talk about at the very beginning of the podcast, but I went, oh, no. | ||
| Let's get some time in before I talk about this. | ||
| There's a fighter, apparently, that's on this season of The Ultimate Fighter that allegedly they're saying was in gay porn. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you allowed to talk about this? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know if it's real. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Fighter on Ulta... | ||
| I won't even say his name because I don't know if it is real. | ||
| That's pretty cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what I will say is, I'll say two things. | ||
| One, who gives a shit? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| As long as he's not raping anybody. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, if the dude's gay and he just sticks to what it is, is his training and fighting. | ||
| Well, there is something different when we're rolling around with some guy that's good porn. | ||
| Only if he's fucked? | ||
| No, because I've rolled with women and it's never been sexual in any way, shape, or form. | ||
| Yeah, but not porn stars. | ||
| Have you rolled with porn stars? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, but I've rolled with Pretty Girls before. | ||
| There's been a few times. | ||
| And you know what, man? | ||
| First of all, you've got to be careful because if they're good, like you roll with like Misha Tate or someone like that or Ronda Rousey, they'll fucking strangle you like a dude will too. | ||
| Like you've got to watch your P's and Q's. | ||
| But it's never that. | ||
| It's always rolling. | ||
| Anybody who's rolling is rolling. | ||
| Nobody's rolling grinding their dick on you. | ||
| If they are, they're getting choked out. | ||
| That shit doesn't last. | ||
| You just don't want to think that, dude. | ||
| Yeah, you don't. | ||
| You don't. | ||
| You don't, but I know I've rolled with gay guys. | ||
| Absolutely, 100% for sure. | ||
| There's more than one. | ||
| I've rolled with more than one gay guy. | ||
| Guys who are openly gay. | ||
| I've rolled with guys who I'm pretty sure were gay. | ||
| It's just, who gives a fuck? | ||
| As long as the person's not inappropriate with you, or they don't douche on you. | ||
| But same way with men and women together, man. | ||
| Can you imagine if men and women shared one fucking locker room everywhere in life, and women just had to deal with guys douching on them? | ||
| Have you ever rolled with somebody and their bone was really hard and you felt it the whole time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Just push back on it just to set up a submission. | ||
| Well, you've got to distract him with your butthole. | ||
| You can feel the tip of the cock. | ||
| You have to develop a feeling for the tip of the cock. | ||
| You got to know how far you can push him before he's actually raping you. | ||
| You feel it on your back. | ||
| No. | ||
| And you're like, oh, that's definitely his dick. | ||
| But you got to think, man, if you're a gay guy and you were really into, like, fighting for your boy pussy, if you want to fight for your boy pussy, you want to go do battle and then fuck a guy. | ||
| Take him down, mount him, take his back, and then just get in that extra hook. | ||
| Some dudes, that's what they're looking for. | ||
| As long, listen, as long as any guy doesn't do that, as long as you don't go raping other guys you're training with, you know? | ||
| But the thing is, though, the thing that I wonder, you know, I don't know if the guy actually did this, which is why I'm not saying anything, but I would wonder if he was honest about it, if anybody had asked. | ||
| I would assume that that's like a part of a contract, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's certain stuff that we don't want you to have done. | ||
| I think you need to say it, at least. | ||
| Do you think? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Because I would not want to roll with somebody that used to do gay porn. | ||
| That's my personal choice. | ||
| But it's okay if you roll with a guy who had... | ||
| Because when you're rolling... | ||
| Who was gay, who had gay sex. | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Because I think when you're... | ||
| That's the last... | ||
| That's the last frontier? | ||
| That's the last frontier. | ||
| Your asshole's the last of the Mohicans. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think it's the same way as when you get pulled over from a girl cop, or a guy cop, and you're a girl and you need to be pat down. | ||
| They have to get a girl cop. | ||
| Same reason. | ||
| I don't want you to be rolling your dick on me if you like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| That's different because in that situation, you have to be subservient. | ||
| In that situation where a cop is there, you have to stand still while the cop essentially molests you. | ||
| That's why people have a hard time with that. | ||
| I don't know, though. | ||
| But it's really interesting because... | ||
| You know, I mean, do men have that same option? | ||
| Like, if a woman... | ||
| Like, no. | ||
| Men don't have... | ||
| Like, a woman can't pat a man down. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| I don't think they can, right? | ||
| A man has to pat a man down. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Is that correct? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, you can't, like, be humiliated by a woman either. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unless you ask nice things. | ||
| I don't think men can pat women down, but I do know that there was one crazy video online where a woman got arrested for something. | ||
| Turned out to be totally innocent, by the way. | ||
| And these cops were giving her a strip search, and she's fucking screaming. | ||
| And she really did nothing. | ||
| And it's the craziest video to watch. | ||
| The cops just fucked up and went way too far with it. | ||
| But they held this girl down and, like, strip searched her. | ||
| And it turned out she did nothing, man. | ||
| It was just all fucked up. | ||
| It was just... | ||
| They just told her to do it. | ||
| She wouldn't. | ||
| And then it got out of hand. | ||
| And then, you know, when people think that they're being disrespected or that their authority is not being, you know, accurately represented, you know, they'll step in and take things to a horrible place. | ||
| And that's what I think probably happened. | ||
| It's a terrible thing to watch because you watch and you think, that could be my sister. | ||
| You know, that could be my mom. | ||
| That could be my wife. | ||
| That could, you know, and these guys are holding her down for now. | ||
| She's not a fucking terrorist. | ||
| Like, what are you doing, man? | ||
| Why are you holding her down and strip searching her? | ||
| Look, this is what you do. | ||
| Just place her in a room and ask her some questions for a few minutes before you fucking check inside her asshole for bombs. | ||
| You know, how about you do that? | ||
| And then you would find out, oh, this is a big mistake. | ||
| Someone's fucked up. | ||
| Okay, you're not a danger to society, man. | ||
| Is there someone that can drive you home? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| We didn't have to look inside your butthole at all. | ||
| So there was just a big mistake. | ||
| I mean, that's what they do, dude. | ||
| They check your naked body. | ||
| For a woman, that's so humiliating. | ||
| To be in a room with men, they're holding you down, they're checking your naked body. | ||
| I mean, essentially, that's like a rape of power move. | ||
| I mean, it really is. | ||
| You know that's not a dangerous woman. | ||
| She's not shooting anybody. | ||
| She's not trying to blow up the fucking world. | ||
| She's just some lady. | ||
| Whether she's drunk or crazy or what, you don't have to be stripping her down like that. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| But you give people the option, give people the ability to do that. | ||
| People get out of hand. | ||
| That's why tasers are fucked up. | ||
| Tasers are great if every cop was awesome. | ||
| But every cop's not awesome. | ||
| So the idea that you're just randomly giving tasers to all these dudes, and some of them, I've seen some of the moves where people taser people. | ||
| I've seen some of the shit that happens, and that's fucking wrong, man. | ||
| And it's assault, and it's a crime. | ||
| And they should take the fucking tasers away from those guys, and they should lose their jobs. | ||
| Yeah, but what if it's like taser versus gun, where in most instances those people probably got shot by a gun. | ||
| Listen, if a cop is in any sort of a situation where a guy is threatening to him, then the guy should get tased. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| If they're in any situation where it looks like the guy is trying to physically harm them and they can tase that guy, fuck yeah. | ||
| That's not what I'm talking about, man. | ||
| I'm talking about people that have bad days and just taser people. | ||
| But you don't think they should totally take it off? | ||
| No! | ||
| No, it's a good weapon for honest cops. | ||
| But the problem is there's too many people that use it just because they get pissed off or they want immediate respect. | ||
| You know, there's guys that get out of control with any kind of fucking, any piece of power, anything. | ||
| Whether they're your landlord or your boss or a cop or anything. | ||
| There's certain dudes that just cannot handle where they get to be the guy in control. | ||
| They can't handle it. | ||
| They go on ego trips. | ||
| They're not satisfied enough with their own life. | ||
| Well, most of them can. | ||
| You know, you just gotta figure out a way to weed out the shithead cops. | ||
| And then tasers would be awesome. | ||
| Wow, I'm looking at photos of that guy that you were talking about, the gay guy. | ||
| Is he hot? | ||
| Him fucking guys. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| He there. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Allegedly. | |
| This could all be a big Photoshop scandal. | ||
| It could be a big Photoshop scandal for sure. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I say, who cares, man? | ||
| It gives you extra motivation to not let that guy beat your ass. | ||
| That's what I say. | ||
| I say, good for him, man. | ||
| But... | ||
| Don't ever talk shit on him. | ||
| I wonder what's going to happen as far as sponsors and shit. | ||
| That would be interesting to see if sponsors got homophobic and didn't want to sponsor when he was having fights. | ||
| That would be kind of interesting. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They've never had that in the female side either, have they? | ||
| Have they ever had a female porn star who turned out that she was like a lesbian porn star and she was fucking bitches up? | ||
| Have they ever had that? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| What's that one girl with the penis? | ||
| Chyna? | ||
| Chyna? | ||
| Did she do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She didn't do MMA. No, but she did WWF, didn't she? | |
| Then she did porn afterwards. | ||
| Oh, I thought it was... | ||
| Oh, never mind. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's doing some porn, so if you feel like beating off to that, go right ahead. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You can go get that. | ||
| I think it was like a high-end movie, too, right? | ||
| Like a Vivid or something like that, right? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something along those lines, I think. | ||
| Deep Inside China or some shit. | ||
| You know, it's always some silly name. | ||
| Deep in China. | ||
| Yeah, but she never had MMA fights. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think she was a lesbian, either. | ||
| Panda XXXpress. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She became a porn star after her success as a wrestler. | ||
| It's fucking hard business, man, getting thrown around like that. | ||
| There's probably very few jobs out there that tax your body like a pro wrestler. | ||
| You watch those dudes fucking slamming chairs into each other and shit? | ||
| Like, holy fuck. | ||
| That does not look fun. | ||
| That looks like... | ||
| That's fucking nutty, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, brother. | |
| All those dudes have like fake hips now and fucking disc... | ||
| Repair discs and... | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like Hulk Hogan, that poor guy. | ||
| He's had a whole bunch of surgeries. | ||
| He's just... | ||
| Just the size of him you would think it would be difficult to live life. | ||
| Like the weight. | ||
| Just walking around with all that. | ||
| He's enormous. | ||
| Like people don't realize how big Hulk Hogan is. | ||
| That's a fucking giant man. | ||
| I met him... | ||
| The first time I ever met him, dude, he had cowboy boots on... | ||
| He was out in front of the cigar. | ||
| There's like a Havana room in Beverly Hills. | ||
| I guess he was into cigars. | ||
| And I passed by him on the street. | ||
| And dude, he's a fucking mountain of a man. | ||
| Just carrying all that weight around. | ||
| It's got to be brutal on your back and your knees. | ||
| Never mind people throwing you through the fucking air. | ||
| No, thank you. | ||
| Huge in Japan, by the way. | ||
| Pro wrestling is enormous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Still? | |
| Yeah, Ariel Helwani was going to hang out with us one night, but before he went out, he wanted to go and check out some pro wrestling thing. | ||
| And by the time he came out, I was already asleep. | ||
| But it was the local pro wrestling. | ||
| They're really into this crazy, wild pro wrestling style. | ||
| And they have American MMA fighters come over and do matches. | ||
| They had Tim Sylvia had a match with Jerome LeBanner. | ||
| They have a pro wrestling match. | ||
| And it's almost like they're really fighting choreographed fights, but they have to eat shots. | ||
| Like Jerome LeBana kicked Tim Sylvia in the stomach. | ||
| It's like real shit, man. | ||
| They're really hitting each other, too. | ||
| Not full blast, but enough so you're like, holy shit. | ||
| This is hard stuff. | ||
| They use real submission holds. | ||
| It's pretty wild. | ||
| A lot of the guys that do pro wrestling also fight. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| Like, that's where, I guess, Sakuraba, who's one of the most famous Japanese mixed martial artists ever, he actually has a roots, his roots are in pro wrestling. | ||
| You know, just, but he could really fight. | ||
| You know, so he would do all that, you know, choreographed shit, but he could do it to you if he wanted to as well. | ||
| Do you think Rampage is done? | ||
| No, I think he had a knee injury, apparently. | ||
| Apparently his doctor had told him not to fight. | ||
| Look, you know, people want to poo-poo this, and you don't know. | ||
| You know, people would say, oh, you just push it out, you push it out, it looked like you just want to get a paycheck. | ||
| I heard a lot of different things like that, and I disagree entirely. | ||
| I think he was in a situation where he wanted to put on a great show. | ||
| I know that it was super important for him to fight in Japan. | ||
| So, if he fought regardless of the fact that he hurt his knee like that, you know, and you look at how he, I mean, all the pieces point to that. | ||
| He was 211 pounds at weigh-in. | ||
| So that means something was wrong and he couldn't train. | ||
| Something was wrong and that's why he couldn't cut the weight. | ||
| Because you need to do it, when you're cutting a lot of weight like Rampage, he's going down from like 230 sometimes. | ||
| And when you're doing that, you've got to do that over a period of time where you're really smart about your calorie intake and you're really smart about the amount of cardio you do. | ||
| There's a lot of getting in shape. | ||
| That's a big part of that. | ||
| Sometimes guys, when they come in heavy, the camp becomes more about losing the weight than it does about improving skills. | ||
| And that's why a lot of guys like Anthony Johnson, they'll do better, actually, and they look better when they go up a weight class, you know, in my opinion, because then all of a sudden they're not cutting nearly as much, and now they get to focus their entire training camp on actual skills. | ||
| With that said, you know, it's an open debate, you know. | ||
| Different people know how to do it better than other people do. | ||
| The idea of one person having it figured out universally for every person who competes, that's never going to happen, you know. | ||
| It's wild watching fights in Japan, though, isn't it? | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I really want to go back there. | ||
| I'm thinking about going back soon. | ||
| Well, there's so much. | ||
| Where we were at, where the fights took place at the Saitama Super Arena, there's so much history there, man. | ||
| That place was the place for all these fucking huge Pride events, man. | ||
| The biggest, most historic ones ever. | ||
| Most of them went down there. | ||
| There were some amazing fights that took place there. | ||
| If you're a martial arts historian, I'm a geek. | ||
| I'm a martial arts geek. | ||
| But going back and looking at old Prides and shit when Noguera was on top, I still watch those to this day. | ||
| To me, they're like movies that are welcome old movies to watch. | ||
| It's a work of art that I'm looking at. | ||
| When I watch some of the old Pride fights, they were fucking awesome. | ||
| They were so fun. | ||
| You know, so to be there in that place where all those fights went down, I was like, holy shit. | ||
| This is a part of like, to me, like one of my favorite things to watch and be a part of mixed martial arts. | ||
| This is like a historical event to me, you know? | ||
| This is like, holy shit, like we're in the Saitama Super Arena in Japan where it all went down, you know? | ||
| So it had definitely an extra charge because of that. | ||
| It's really cool how that arena actually expands. | ||
| You can make it bigger or smaller. | ||
| Yeah, the floor comes up too. | ||
| The floor can rise. | ||
| The sides expand. | ||
| Yeah, it's like super fucking high tech, man. | ||
| It's also weird seeing all the animation. | ||
| Like I had said, like, look, keep your eye out for the animation. | ||
| There's animation everywhere. | ||
| And it was like, Everywhere. | ||
| Everywhere you looked, there was little cartoons. | ||
| Yeah, well, you should say cartoons, not animation, because animation is motion. | ||
| But everywhere where people have businesses, they have a cartoon pickle that runs their business, or a kitty cat, or a fox. | ||
| A lot of cats. | ||
| Bears, like teddy bears, like that run your, you know, your company's represented by a big smiley teddy bear. | ||
| Yeah, and even like the description on the toilet, like, you know, should like a kid like reaching in there and there would be like this cartoon of the character crying and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, the cartoon telling you not to like stick your mouth on the toilet seat where the water comes out. | ||
| They don't want anybody hovering their head over and just drinking the shit water. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yeah, because who knows? | ||
| I mean, if you take a giant dump on the jets, just some monster dump, you know, maybe some of that shit still sticks to the little hose. | ||
| It doesn't quite got it all off. | ||
| And then your kids in there drinking it out of it like a fountain. | ||
| They get some horrible disease. | ||
| There's also having your poop in their mouth. | ||
| It's also weird seeing the Starbucks cups. | ||
| Everything was smaller in Japan. | ||
| The venti iced coffee in America is like, I don't know, it's like a size of 20 ounces. | ||
| Yeah, the venti was small. | ||
| What we have is a small here. | ||
| Venti coffee is just fucking crank. | ||
| You might as well just go take crank. | ||
| You get a venti Starbucks, somebody might as well just give you a line. | ||
| I get Trenta. | ||
| I get Trent to add shots every day. | ||
| What? | ||
| Every single day. | ||
| So Trent is 30 ounces of iced coffee with shots and espresso. | ||
| Two shots usually every day. | ||
| Dude, you're like numb to caffeine, huh? | ||
| I just do that once and that wastes me right the fuck up. | ||
| I don't like that groggy part of the morning. | ||
| I want to be awake. | ||
| I want to be able to drink a beverage and be like, alright, I'm good. | ||
| You know what you should do? | ||
| Work out, man. | ||
| Perform a series of exercises. | ||
| Force yourself to do chin-ups, push-ups, and bodyweight squats every morning. | ||
| You'll wake right the fuck up. | ||
| Do some jiu-jitsu with a gay guy. | ||
| You don't have to do jiu-jitsu with gay guys. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just do a little bit of 30 minutes jiu-jitsu with a gay guy, you're right in the wake. | |
| Make sure you keep your base. | ||
| Make sure you don't let it take you back. | ||
| I kept on thinking... | ||
| Oh, wait. | ||
| We already talked about this. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| What? | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| Well, don't tell me. | ||
| No, I don't want to say it now. | ||
| What are you scared of? | ||
| That was really cool having that dude from House of Pain in there. | ||
| My friends growing up were just huge House of Pain fans. | ||
| That's all they listened to non-stop and smoked weed. | ||
| He's very connected with the weed people. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Everlast? | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I meant Be Real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did I say? | |
| Everlast? | ||
| You said House of Pain. | ||
| You meant Cypress Hill. | ||
| Cypress Hill. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You silly fuck. | ||
| They're not the same. | ||
| You're racist. | ||
| I get them confused a lot. | ||
| You're racist. | ||
| Why do you get them confused a lot? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They just... | ||
| Same timeline where they kind of came out the same time. | ||
| They used to have kind of the same sounds. | ||
| I used to mix them up a lot. | ||
| I've done that before with Blink-182 and someone else. | ||
| I forget who the other band was. | ||
| Uh... | ||
| Green Day. | ||
| They're all together to me. | ||
| Just the names. | ||
| I don't know what it was. | ||
| Obviously, I know they have totally different music, but the names. | ||
| Every now and then, for whatever reason, you have a misfire in your brain, and you've connected someone with the wrong person for a couple of months, and then you have to relearn it. | ||
| And when you relearn it, sometimes it doesn't take. | ||
| Like, wait a minute. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's the other band. | ||
| That's the other band. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| What's the other band that used to sing out? | ||
| Take Me Past the Breakers. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We can't live beside the ocean. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I'm fucking dying over here. | ||
| They were great. | ||
| That was that song, Santa Monica. | ||
| Everclear. | ||
| Everclear. | ||
| I got him. | ||
| That mixed up with Everlast Alive. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, I can see how that would happen. | ||
| That guy had some badass fucking music, though. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| Where is that guy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He bleached his hair a lot, though. | ||
| I wonder if he still bleaches it. | ||
| He probably overdosed on pussy. | ||
| That song was too good for a man like that. | ||
| He's out there with that fucking awesome song in the world. | ||
| You know, out of nowhere, boom, a tsunami of hot pussy comes at you because of your wonderful music. | ||
| Probably couldn't handle it. | ||
| Who could blame the fella? | ||
| That's what I always assume. | ||
| When anything happens and a dude gets off track, You know, like someone who you really used to enjoy and they get off track. | ||
| You always feel like it's some Jan Michael Vincent tsunami of pussy who just threw him off track. | ||
| Partied way too hard. | ||
| Got way too fucked up. | ||
| You know, that's the argument that the people that are in counseling and in rehabilitation for alcohol and drugs, that's the argument that these people will always use. | ||
| It's the people that fall apart. | ||
| It's the people that take whatever and just blow their fucking heads out. | ||
| What they're missing is how many people are making life so much more interesting. | ||
| Can you imagine how much less interesting life would be if you were sober all the time? | ||
| Do you not understand? | ||
| There's some people that have never had a drunk fuck with their ex-girlfriend where you're like 23 years old and you text her in the middle of the night and she responds. | ||
| And you're like, what are you doing, you dirty bitch? | ||
| And she responds back, I'm waiting for you to come over here and fuck me. | ||
| And you're like, oh shit, it's on! | ||
| And you go there and you're like, you know, you've probably been broken up for a long time. | ||
| You never expected to fuck her. | ||
| And on top of it, she's just as drunk as you. | ||
| And this doesn't mean anything. | ||
| No, it doesn't mean nothing. | ||
| It doesn't mean we're getting back together. | ||
| Nope, nope. | ||
| We're just doing this, right? | ||
| And boom. | ||
| You don't do that without being drunk. | ||
| That's one of the most beautiful moments in life. | ||
| And you don't even get there without being drunk. | ||
| Because if you're not drunk, then you go, listen, she's just not for what I'm looking for right now. | ||
| And even though my emotions are telling me to go visit her, my rational mind is saying, this is not a smart move. | ||
| I gotta just move on. | ||
| I gotta be positive. | ||
| I gotta get my shit done. | ||
| You have a couple shots of Jack Daniels. | ||
| You start fucking thinking crazy. | ||
| You have a tequila. | ||
| You want to do one more tequila? | ||
| I'm not scared. | ||
| And that fourth tequila hits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| Let me just text this bitch real quick. | ||
| Do you know how many people would not have that moment if it wasn't for alcohol? | ||
| So how could you say just because a few people die, the rest of us shouldn't live awesome lives? | ||
| Flavored by alcohol. | ||
| You know? | ||
| A lot of the fun shit that happens is flavored by alcohol. | ||
| People need to accept it's a great drug. | ||
| It's not the best. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| But it's good for a lot of shit. | ||
| And it makes things fun sometimes. | ||
| It definitely opens up doors that you normally wouldn't open because of whatever reason. | ||
| That's why you're dancing. | ||
| Yeah, having a fucking great time too, by the way. | ||
| Dancing, having a great time. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Laughing your ass off. | ||
| High-fiving your friends. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Hammered. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| You've got to be careful of your health. | ||
| You've got to drink a lot of water. | ||
| You've got to make sure you don't do it too often. | ||
| You don't want to jolt your system. | ||
| You want to give yourself plenty of time to recover. | ||
| Take your vitamins. | ||
| But every now and then, don't be a pussy. | ||
| Have a drink. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Just a little shoddy poo here or there. | ||
| Shoddy poo. | ||
| It's one of the things I always respected about Anthony Bourdain. | ||
| Quit heroin. | ||
| Didn't quit booze. | ||
| I blacked out in Japan every night I was there, I think. | ||
| I fucking... | ||
| That last night, I went super deep. | ||
| I got discipline, son. | ||
| I know how to use it. | ||
| I know when it's not time for me to get drunk. | ||
| I was doing the robot in a packed nightclub in Japan just because I knew no one would say shit to me. | ||
| But it was nice. | ||
| My time was so fucked up. | ||
| We just got in, for folks who don't realize. | ||
| We got in yesterday. | ||
| I'm feeling it this time. | ||
| I didn't feel it going there, but I feel it coming back. | ||
| Yesterday, I just couldn't. | ||
| I woke up today at 7 a.m., Yeah, it's completely confusing. | ||
| Your brain is like, what is going down here? | ||
| You know what helps? | ||
| Melatonin. | ||
| Melatonin is great for resetting you. | ||
| It's a natural thing. | ||
| It's natural, but don't go to Dubai with it. | ||
| Oh, the sleeping thing. | ||
| It's a natural supplement. | ||
| I don't know how they make it. | ||
| I'm saying it's a natural supplement as if I've fucking looked into it deeply, but quite honestly, I've just used it. | ||
| I use green tea extract. | ||
| That has caffeine in it, Brian. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| For relaxation. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Not for sleeping. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You relax with caffeine? | ||
| You just drink so much caffeine. | ||
| The caffeine that's in green tea can't fuck with the shit that you get from a 30 ounce Starbucks. | ||
| That green tea extract. | ||
| Blast of lava. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's not green tea. | ||
| It's the other one. | ||
| It's some leaf, green leaf extract. | ||
| You don't even know what you take. | ||
| You just grab things and barely stay awake and just take them. | ||
| I buy my shit on Amazon and just keep on rebuying it. | ||
| Have you ever thought I'm getting on Adderall or some shit just to see if it's for you? | ||
| Adderall? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't think I need that. | ||
| Well, I might need it a little bit, but I've tried Adderall before and it just felt like cocaine to me. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It didn't help anything. | ||
| If you went to a doctor, though, I bet they'd give it to you. | ||
| Yeah, but see, you've experienced me mostly super stoned out of my mind. | ||
| Like, retarded stoned. | ||
| I just smoked, like, I don't know how much weed. | ||
| Well, we had to. | ||
| We had to hold up. | ||
| I mean, when you're with me... | ||
| We had to represent. | ||
| We were having a podcast with B-Real from Cypress Hill. | ||
| I love B-Real. | ||
| And we had classic stoner conversation, talking about things that scared the fuck out of us, talking about crazy animals in other countries. | ||
| Where are you going, fella? | ||
| Oh, well you just got up in the middle of us talking. | ||
| Didn't even say, I'm going to go get some water. | ||
| So for folks who are tuning into this and like, what happened to the other part of the podcast? | ||
| The Be Real podcast accidentally got onto Red Band's channel. | ||
| You know, no big deal. | ||
| He just fucked up. | ||
| Again. | ||
| But it's alright. | ||
| But it's totally going to be available. | ||
| You can't watch it. | ||
| Live, obviously, because it's over. | ||
| Ah! | ||
| But it'll be available on the Ustream page, and it'll also be available on the Vimeo page, which is... | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Vimeo slash com? | ||
| Joe Rogan? | ||
| Yeah, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Just go to your website. | ||
| That's where you find all the videos. | ||
| Yeah, go to JoeRogan.net. | ||
| You can find everything. | ||
| We hung out with the starter and owner, and what is he of... | ||
| He's the founder of Ustream. | ||
| Yeah, he was cool. | ||
| Yeah, Brad was cool as fuck. | ||
| So nice. | ||
| And Ohio State Buckeye. | ||
| Yeah, very good dude. | ||
| He was a fun guy to hang out with. | ||
| Wish we had more time to hang out with him. | ||
| He was cool. | ||
| Wish I had more time. | ||
| We'll meet him again. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, that'd be awesome. | ||
| He also... | ||
| I don't want to say that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Secrets? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you want to smoke some weed from this new bong? | ||
| No, I'm scared. | ||
| That's the jet pipe thing? | ||
| Why would you want more weed right now? | ||
| That doesn't even make sense, unless you're trying to do some product endorsement type thing. | ||
| They were nice to send it. | ||
| Well, just tell everybody about it, then. | ||
| The jet water pipe. | ||
| This is a jet bong that these two guys, or I think two guys, are friends, and they decided to start a company. | ||
| We talked about it before. | ||
| They made a Dyson vacuum cleaner type bong, meaning they just engineered it really well. | ||
| When you hit it, you don't pull it. | ||
| You push it down. | ||
| Well, what it is is you don't have to put your finger over a hole anymore. | ||
| They've eliminated that and they figured out a way to do it mechanically with a little spring. | ||
| The only question that I had was that the bowl was made out of... | ||
| What is that stuff? | ||
| What is the stuff that bowl is made out of? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It looks like it's acrylic, right? | ||
| It's something weird. | ||
| Yeah, I would say acrylic. | ||
| Well, is that okay to light on fire and smoke? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because I would wonder. | ||
| I'm sure they probably figured that out. | ||
| I would hope, but I don't know. | ||
| You know, you never know. | ||
| And the other question would be, if they didn't, would it be possible to make something that would fit in there that was made out of glass? | ||
| Well, you wouldn't have that issue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because somebody brought that up. | ||
| I didn't even think about it. | ||
| Somebody brought it up on the message board. | ||
| Why would acrylic be bad to light, though? | ||
| It's plastic. | ||
| Why would it be good to breathe melted plastic? | ||
| Well, I don't think it melts. | ||
| I think that's the point. | ||
| It may not, but what if it gets some sort of a chemical residue on your marijuana? | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| I'm sure they wouldn't choose that if it was. | ||
| I would say they wouldn't either, but you know, sometimes it takes a long time before people find out things do fucked up things to them. | ||
| Like, for instance, it took them a while before they figured out that if you have plastic bottles of water in the sun, that it actually can... | ||
| Are you doing that on camera so that you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
So what? | |
| I got a license. | ||
| So you look cool? | ||
| No, I was just showing the release thing. | ||
| So I didn't have to pull out the pipe like a normal bong. | ||
| the folks that are only listening to this on audio is that it's got some sort of a thing on the bottom where you can clear out the whole bong by hitting a little, you pull down like a little lever. | ||
| But I mean, I would assume that if sun and bottled water, if the plastic can emit chemicals and it gets in your bottled water when you leave it in the sun, then I would think that if you're heating up weed over some plastic or acrylic, whatever... | ||
| I mean, is it technically plastic? | ||
| I guess it is. | ||
| I don't even know what it is. | ||
| I don't know what it is either. | ||
| But I would think that that's not good. | ||
| I didn't even think of it until somebody pointed it out. | ||
| By the way, the company on their website says that the bowl is ceramic coated and it works fine. | ||
| And you can also have 14mm glass on glass attachments. | ||
| So they tell you the size of the attachment. | ||
| You can actually put glass attachments on there if you wanted to use it. | ||
| Problem solved. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah, I would think that glass would be the way to do it because you know the glass is not going to melt. | ||
| Give you some residue. | ||
| Isn't it amazing that they make glass with fucking heat? | ||
| Think about how goddamn hot it has to be. | ||
| When was the last time you saw glass melt because you had a candle over it? | ||
| It would be hot as fuck to melt glass. | ||
| Oh, and I was thinking about the amino acid found in green tea earlier that I take. | ||
| It's ithenine. | ||
| Oh, so it's an extract. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's what I was thinking. | ||
| I never heard of that. | ||
| But melatonin, apparently, there's a woman, I think she was an executive of Brillstein Grey, something like that, some big production company or something like that, and she was going over to Dubai for business, and she got arrested for having melatonin in her suitcase. | ||
| Like, they viewed melatonin as a drug. | ||
| And another guy got arrested because there was some sort of an issue with his visa, so they made him take a drug test, and he tested positive for poppy seeds because he had a bagel, a poppy seed bagel, and that's testing positive for heroin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Poppy and heroin, like you can be arrested for eating poppy seeds. | ||
| Yeah, but you have to eat a lot. | ||
| I forget the lady who got it, some Olympic chick, I think. | ||
| Where she ate like two or three bagels a day or something like that, and that's why she came up for that. | ||
| I don't think that's true, Brian. | ||
| I think the new sophisticated tests... | ||
| Well, this was like 10 years ago when this happened. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But anyway, whatever it happened, this guy got in trouble for a poppy seed bagel. | ||
| And then another guy got arrested because he had a particle of weed stuck to the bottom of his shoe. | ||
| And they detected it, some Rastafarian-looking dude. | ||
| And they arrested him. | ||
| Like, they do not fuck around in some countries when it comes to their drug laws. | ||
| So don't be going over there with melatonin. | ||
| Isn't it weird that we don't take off our shoes? | ||
| We walk around, we step on shit, we step on weed, we step on needles, we step on everything. | ||
| Then we go and step on our carpet, and then we have our kids climb on that carpet with nothing on it. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| That's why Japanese take off their shoes in their houses. | ||
| They're smarter. | ||
| Meanwhile, they're all walking around with masks on. | ||
| Yeah, that's smarter. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you know why? | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cedar trees, for folks who don't know because they weren't there with us. | ||
| They planted a lot of, according to our driver, this is, and we've done no outside research whatsoever, but he said the reason why all these people were in surgical masks, a big part of it was hay fever that they got from cedar allergies. | ||
| Like hay fever, cedar, some sort of a cedar allergy. | ||
| And that cedar trees were introduced to Japan after World War II and as many as 30% of Japanese people are allergic to cedar. | ||
| And that's because in the war they burned down their houses and the big fire of Japan and they had to rebuild all their houses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Planted those trees because they had so many houses to rebuild. | |
| To make. | ||
| And people are allergic to cedar. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| And also, it was because they also feel that if you have a cold, if you are going to work sneezing a little, that you should wear one. | ||
| That's your responsibility. | ||
| And it's rude if you sneeze without one of these on. | ||
| So that's why it's weird walking around. | ||
| Probably 30 or 40% of the people look like they just had those masks on. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's very different than us. | ||
| Again, their culture is like you have to take care of your own shit and you're much more polite. | ||
| We saw no homeless people whatsoever. | ||
| Yeah, none. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| It was really interesting. | ||
| And the cops are on these little stations and they just sit at a desk like a help desk. | ||
| Kind of like when you go to a mall and they have that little desk. | ||
| That's kind of like I got lost at one point. | ||
| And I wasted. | ||
| Went to this cop and he drew me a map. | ||
| He spoke no English. | ||
| I spoke no Japanese. | ||
| And he knew what I was trying to do. | ||
| And sent me to the wrong hotel and I walked two extra miles. | ||
| But he still spent the time to draw me a map to the wrong hotel, at least. | ||
| Yeah, no, they're super helpful. | ||
| It's different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why don't you fucking move down there, queer? | |
| I would. | ||
| I would move to Japan. | ||
| Yeah, you want gay fighters? | ||
| And you want to live in Japan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go be gay in Japan. | |
| We met a lot of podcast fans that lived in Japan, which was so awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, we did. | |
| It was crazy. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people that came to the fights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's one of the coolest things about the podcast. | ||
| It's available everywhere. | ||
| It's free. | ||
| Get it. | ||
| It's not a reach. | ||
| We make it as available as possible. | ||
| I'm so glad that we did that because it totally turned out to be the right move. | ||
| My mom saw me on TV. My mom was flipping through the channels and just happened to catch me on the fights in the audience on Spike or FX. What is it on now? | ||
| Yeah, FX. Yeah, FX. And my mom's like, holy shit, that's Brian right on the TV. And so she watched me. | ||
| But what was so funny is how quiet it was. | ||
| And one of the fans would go, Red Band! | ||
| And it was like everybody could hear it in the whole place. | ||
| And he goes, Olive Garden! | ||
| And everyone heard that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how quiet it was at the UFC. Yeah, but you don't really... | |
| You could not imagine, if you've never been to a Japanese sporting event, how quiet it can be while the fight is going on. | ||
| How respectful they are. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| Do you want to go back to Japan? | ||
| I do, but I like Brazil too, man. | ||
| Brazil, they go nuts, man. | ||
| That's wild too. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Brazil was fun. | ||
| People were very nice. | ||
| The food was fantastic. | ||
| People were really fun and friendly. | ||
| It was the total opposite as far as the outgoingness. | ||
| People were very outgoing and although very friendly as well in Brazil, just much more outgoing and loud and having fun and laughing a lot. | ||
| I might have more fun in Brazil than in Japan. | ||
| I'm on Team Japan, so... | ||
| You know, Brazil, they're not going to make you cover up your tattoos if you want to go swimming. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| They're more laid back. | ||
| It's more my kind of place. | ||
| Although Japan was amazing, you know? | ||
| But overall, look, overall, one of the things about traveling, one of the things that I find out when I come back is America is the shit. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a great place to live. | ||
| There's so much cool stuff here as far as cool bands to see, cool art to see, cool comics to see, cool movies. | ||
| Everywhere you go, by the way, they're fucking American movies that are dubbed over in other countries. | ||
| I mean, in Japan, we went to the movie theater. | ||
| It was like four out of five movies were American movies that had been dubbed over in Japanese. | ||
| And all the posters were slightly changed, like the Mission Impossible poster looks slightly changed, I think, to make it look more like he was Japanese and stuff. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| Well, he was a little bit in the shadows, a little bit. | ||
| But look, it's fucking awesome, awesome hanging out there, no doubt. | ||
| But America's my favorite fucking country ever. | ||
| Even though it's fucked up and corrupt and filled with cunts at the very top, what it embodies as far as what we're capable of producing is You know, America produces some fucking fun shit. | ||
| A lot of fun art, man. | ||
| Like, what I told you when I saw Honey Honey last night, I was like, God damn, this is like a, they're like such an American, badass, creative band, but it's so, like, the style is so American. | ||
| You know, there's so many good parts of this country, you know, as far as, like, stand-up comedy goes, and it's like, you know, movies and artwork. | ||
| Stop that, Brian. | ||
| But we're run by cunts. | ||
| It's like, you gotta figure out a way to balance that out. | ||
| I wonder if that's the only way you can get so many crazy, wild, creative people in a spot. | ||
| You have to have it be run like cunts. | ||
| And the cunts that run it, they suppress everybody, and then art just blossoms out of that suppression, left and right. | ||
| Because when I go to a place like Japan that's so polite and so nice, and they're so disciplined, and I'm like, man, yeah, but when was the last time you saw how many people were lining up for Japanese stand-up comedy? | ||
| I mean, is it really popular all over the world? | ||
| Is there master Japanese musicians that we don't know about? | ||
| You know, I mean, why is it everywhere we're going we're listening to American music? | ||
| Is it that the way to get really popular, really exciting artwork is to suppress the youth early on so they're fighting against it and that's where rock and roll comes, rebellion, and that's where the truth that very few people would have the balls to say. | ||
| Is that where it comes from? | ||
| Does it come from fighting against someone who's suppressing you? | ||
| And does it not come naturally when everybody is respectful like the Japanese? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm just asking. | ||
| I'm just trying to be like a social scientist, checking this all out. | ||
| But it is fascinating when you see, like, there's no way of making a Joey Diaz in Japan. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| That would be kind of cool to see, though. | ||
| Would you like to see it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Japanese Joey Diaz here, cocksucker. | |
| yeah hi hi hi hi hi hi my left nut dick listen where's the weed on I don't care if it's illegal down here, cocksucker. | ||
| I know you got it. | ||
| it no it's 2012 nobody surviving without weed dog nobody not a spot in the globe hi hi hi hi as polite as possible I need to help you that would be funny if he went to a different sounding high like his voice got really high high high high as it goes on Yeah, that really sucks that Joey can't go to other countries because of his record when he was young. | ||
| Can you imagine him in Japan? | ||
| That would be so amazing. | ||
| Well, I would like to bring him to England. | ||
| They would never have him in England, and they wouldn't have him in Canada. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Canada is really strict. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, Canada is like a boat over a sea of douchebags. | ||
| I'm glad I can still go there. | ||
| I mean, and again, ladies and gentlemen of America, I just told you how much I love America. | ||
| America's not all douchebags. | ||
| It's a small percentage, but there's a lot of us. | ||
| So if there's 300 million people and 10% of the people are douchebags, do the math. | ||
| That's a lot of goddamn douchebags. | ||
| You know, would you want that bubbling underneath you, sneaking across the borders to fuck your women, light things on fire, then sneak back over in the night? | ||
| No. | ||
| Gotta check out people's fucking records. | ||
| And anybody even remotely shady. | ||
| Canada's like, nah, we're good. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| Drunk driver, nah, nah, nah, we're good. | ||
| I only did it once. | ||
| Yep, that's okay. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Bye, go back home. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| You're a crazy person. | ||
| You're affiliated with crazy activity. | ||
| You fucked something up. | ||
| Too bad we couldn't do comedy in Japan. | ||
| Would have been fascinating, but we might have got arrested. | ||
| When we start talking about flinging loads on the hotel, they're like, you? | ||
| Which hotel are you staying? | ||
| You know, you talk, and all the people would be thinking, like, oh my god, what if I'm staying in the hotel where this guy's flinging loads in the walls? | ||
| Right? | ||
| So maybe they would arrest you. | ||
| They would arrest you. | ||
| Don't say that, Brian. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| No, I'm responsible for you. | ||
| I'm taking care of your fucking hotel room. | ||
| It's under my credit card. | ||
| Don't go around saying that you defiled. | ||
| Okay, well, You make it clear that you didn't. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| It goes out on the internet. | ||
| I definitely did not Spider-Man in Japan. | ||
| Don't ever do that. | ||
| Not when you're staying with me. | ||
| I don't want to get arrested. | ||
| Some maid walks in at the exact moment and she has her eye open when your load falls from the ceiling and she doesn't expect and it drops right in her eye. | ||
| And she gets eye aids. | ||
| A treat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A treat for my face. | ||
| She gets some eye aids from your dirty, rotten cum. | ||
| Six-hour cum. | ||
| Long, dead sperms. | ||
| How long do sperms live outside the body? | ||
| I don't know, but I need to find that. | ||
| Can you shoot a load on a girl's tits and could she stuff it in her pussy and get pregnant? | ||
| Yeah, see, I always wondered about that. | ||
| Like, there was definitely times where, like, in the past where, like, I would have sex and then, like, I would, like, take off the condom and just throw it on the ground or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-oh. | |
| And then I thought, like, I just left her house. | ||
| What if she took that cum and she wanted a baby so much that she just, like, started stuffing it in her pussy? | ||
| I know a girl who did that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a sister of a girl that I knew. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She actually did that. | ||
| She saved the condom and she tried to stuff it back inside of her body after it left. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| How long does it last? | ||
| She stuffed it back and she told her sister. | ||
| She stuffed it in her body after the guy left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| How long does sperm live after ejaculation? | ||
| Let's find out, shall we? | ||
| It says, The lifespan of sperm after ejaculation depends on environmental conditions. | ||
| Sperm ejaculated into a woman's vagina can live in a woman's reproductive tract for up to five days or perhaps even longer. | ||
| Five days? | ||
| Fertilization is possible as long as the sperm remains alive. | ||
| I need to make a phone call real quick. | ||
| Ejaculated outside the body may only survive minutes to a few hours. | ||
| May survive only minutes to a few hours. | ||
| So, if you've got some crazy survivor man sperm, they might be able to last for hours, and she could scoop it out of her condom and stuff it in her box, and then you've got a baby, whether you like it or not. | ||
| All she needs is a turkey baster. | ||
| Stick it up in your little twat and that's it. | ||
| So you gotta tie up your sperm. | ||
| You know what you should do? | ||
| You should have a sacrifice. | ||
| You should bring lighter fluid every time you fuck so it'd be such a badass move. | ||
| After you fucking go, you pull the condom off, you tie it at the end, you throw it in the sink, you throw lighter fluid on it, and you throw a match on it. | ||
| You walk away with your back to it. | ||
| Or tie it in the condom and just bite it and burst it in your mouth. | ||
| No, you've got to turn your back like that scene in Wolverine where you blew up the car behind them. | ||
| Explosion, like the Fear Factor demos where they had me standing there and there's an explosion behind me. | ||
| I'm supposed to look like, no big deal. | ||
| There's just an explosion behind me. | ||
| Dun, dun, dun. | ||
| Part of one of the things that I was doing when I was doing those promos, I was doing a couple of them, I was thinking, God, I can't wait because if this show gets canceled, I have so much new material. | ||
| My God. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why I can't wait for two things. | ||
| One, I can't wait until I start my new special. | ||
| Because on April 20th in Atlanta, I've decided I'm going to do my special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| That's where I'm going to film it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It should be fun. | ||
| And when I decided that, I decided, well, as soon as Fear Factors officially fucking... | ||
| It's totally, absolutely canceled. | ||
| When will you know it? | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| I've gotten an email from them saying that it is, but I don't know if I can talk shit about it yet. | ||
| You probably can. | ||
| You probably have a three-year clause. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I have to find out. | ||
| And it wouldn't be shit, negative shit, but it would be. | ||
| There's so many interesting things to talk about. | ||
| It was a fascinating thing to do. | ||
| This was one of the weirder seasons. | ||
| Like, while I was doing a lot of things, I was like, wow, I can't wait to talk about this. | ||
| This was fucking nuts. | ||
| Behind-the-scenes nuts. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| Just weird. | ||
| Just a fucking weird gig, man. | ||
| To do it again after five years was so surreal. | ||
| And if it's not canceled, I'm going to be forced to do more of them. | ||
| I'd be happy just to have everybody back together and do a show that I think some people liked. | ||
| But if it doesn't do it, I'm happy with that too. | ||
| Even though it's a great job, it's still a job. | ||
| There's such a difference between doing a podcast, doing stand-up comedy, and doing the UFC, and then doing a job. | ||
| When you go and do a job, it's awesome to have this job. | ||
| Like, holy shit, what a great job. | ||
| But man, there's nothing like living a life where you just follow your passions. | ||
| One of the things I started realizing when I started doing Fairfax, I was like, damn, I already had it nailed. | ||
| I already had it where I was like, everything I was doing, I enjoyed. | ||
| I wasn't really working. | ||
| My time was committed to doing all this cool stuff, but in fact, none of it was working. | ||
| Although I take my job at the UFC very seriously, and it's an honor to work there, and I love calling fights. | ||
| I don't even like other sports. | ||
| That's how much I love doing it. | ||
| It's still... | ||
| When I get there and do it, it never feels like work. | ||
| Never. | ||
| There's never a moment when a fight's about to begin where I wish I was somewhere else. | ||
| It's so fucking fun and crazy. | ||
| So to be able to do that, that's a job, and then stand-up comedy, same thing. | ||
| How much fun is stand-up? | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's that you're doing it now. | ||
| You know what it's like. | ||
| It's fun as hell. | ||
| The act of making people laugh, you're making them feel better. | ||
| You're making them happy. | ||
| You're giving them like a charge of good energy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And I'm addicted to it too. | ||
| There's nothing more fun than watching like your friends kill and your fucking... | ||
| Howling at some new bit. | ||
| And you're like, oh shit, did you hear his new bit? | ||
| Like, Duncan fucking floored me. | ||
| I don't want to say the bit. | ||
| I don't want to say the bit because I want people to see it this weekend. | ||
| I don't want to even give up the premise because it's one of those when you start giving up the premise, you give up a lot of the power of the joke. | ||
| But goddamn, I heard it and I was like, holy fuck, that's good. | ||
| I love comedy. | ||
| It's the most fun fucking thing. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| We're so lucky. | ||
| It makes you wonder if we're in the Matrix. | ||
| It makes you wonder. | ||
| Maybe we're like Joey Pants and we just made some fucking crazy deal to have, alright, I want to work, but I want everything to be cool. | ||
| Everything I do is going to be fun. | ||
| No jobs that suck. | ||
| It's impossible for everybody to do that, though. | ||
| That's a real problem. | ||
| You can't have a society based on everybody doing awesome shit. | ||
| Unless, what everybody's awesome shit varies, right? | ||
| Like some people, it's got to be awesome to work at In-N-Out Burger. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Or no, right? | ||
| Because that's, like, part of the process of becoming whoever the fuck you want to become. | ||
| You have to go through some shit menial jobs to kind of understand what labor is really like. | ||
| Or find out what you want to do. | ||
| I think that's more of it. | ||
| Like, I grew up most of my life, like, what do I want to do, really? | ||
| Like, I like to draw. | ||
| That's all I like? | ||
| That's all I can say? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I have to thank a fucking high school art teacher for being a douchebag. | ||
| Because if it wasn't for him being a douchebag, I probably never would have became a fighter or a comic. | ||
| You know, I wanted to be an artist. | ||
| But my high school art teacher was such a clam. | ||
| Imagine rewinding your life and you living your life as an artist. | ||
| What if you were like... | ||
| Badass, crazy artist. | ||
| I would have enjoyed it. | ||
| Look, I think I would have enjoyed life, period. | ||
| But I definitely would have. | ||
| I think one of the most important things for me, for my body type, my brain type, is to find some exertion. | ||
| Martial arts. | ||
| Something where I physically exert myself. | ||
| Yoga. | ||
| Something where I figure out something to center my body. | ||
| The only thing that I would ever worry about doing something like being an artist is that you're sitting at a desk a lot of hours. | ||
| You're all upside down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Fine. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| I feel it when I write. | ||
| When I write for a couple days in a row when I'm working on some shit, I feel like after sitting in front of a computer for a long period of time, I feel super uncomfortable. | ||
| My neck starts fucking cracking. | ||
| I start moving and popping shit. | ||
| Just not healthy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You remember when we were coming back and we were looking at these guys in LA? When you land, there's the TSA, they have a goddamn laboratory out where they're checking your food. | ||
| The contrast between the way they are in Japan and the way they are in America is really stark. | ||
| It's really obvious. | ||
| They had microscopes and shit and beakers and refrigerators. | ||
| It was really nuts. | ||
| They were testing things and pulling people's strawberries apart, chopping them up and throwing them into some fucking blender, pouring things on them. | ||
| I don't know if it was a blender. | ||
| I think it was some kind of light that they were seeing how it reacts to a light to see if there's any growth on something. | ||
| Yeah, there was a little of that. | ||
| They poured a solution on it, too. | ||
| I don't know what the solution was. | ||
| But everybody's super suspicious. | ||
| They opened up every little piece of all these little people's luggage. | ||
| And it was always people, they looked like smaller, brownish sort of people. | ||
| They looked like they came from somewhere like South America, maybe, or Mexico or something like that. | ||
| Or Miami. | ||
| Or could be Miami. | ||
| Miami, they're tall and tan. | ||
| They're not as compact. | ||
| These were compact, hard-working people. | ||
| And they were checking their fruit. | ||
| They wanted to bring home some goddamn fruit. | ||
| But I don't think you're allowed to. | ||
| Yeah, they were cutting the fruit up and looking at every single piece. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was so weird. | |
| It's just so weird that we have fucking... | ||
| I mean, it's important, I guess, because the rest of the world is kind of wacky. | ||
| There's a lot of spots, like we were talking about Africa earlier, or any part of the world that's in turmoil right now. | ||
| You've got to make sure you're allowing good people to come over here. | ||
| You don't want a bunch of fucking nutbags to come over here and ruin what we've got, which is pretty sweet. | ||
| But, man, what a stark contrast it is to Japan. | ||
| Japan is so happy to see you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello! | |
| Hello! | ||
| You're like, yeah, I'm not a criminal. | ||
| You're right, I'm just coming here to work. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Oh, it's okay. | ||
| Yeah, my papers are in order. | ||
| No, I don't have any fruit. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha. | |
| Have a good day. | ||
| Everybody's super nice. | ||
| Why don't you go move there and suck all their dicks then? | ||
| Peace sign. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Fucking love it. | ||
| I want to go back. | ||
| That flight's a motherfucker, though. | ||
| Remember tea, milk, or what did I drink? | ||
| Oh, yeah, milk tea. | ||
| Milk tea. | ||
| Don't get milk tea. | ||
| He grabbed something that looked like Thai iced coffee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thai iced coffee is delicious. | ||
| Yeah, delicious. | ||
| It looked like that. | ||
| It looked like this is probably like a chocolatey, delicious sort of coffee sweet. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| No, it was ass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did I say it tastes like? | ||
| It tastes like straight up mulch or something. | ||
| No, no, yeah. | ||
| It tastes like leaves. | ||
| Oh, 100% leaf. | ||
| Remember when we went and got sushi? | ||
| We had the freshest, most radioactive sushi. | ||
| So good. | ||
| It was delicious. | ||
| At first, we were all scared. | ||
| Like, don't eat fruits and vegetables. | ||
| We're like, yeah, let's not do that. | ||
| I was like, listen, man. | ||
| I'm just eating whatever the fuck I eat. | ||
| I take some potassium iodine and I'll be good. | ||
| He showed us also that our drivers showed us that Tokyo Tower is crooked at the very top. | ||
| It was crooked from there. | ||
| Well, there's wires to support it because the earthquake started falling over. | ||
| So they had to support it with wires. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty fucking crazy. | ||
| The earthquake moved that thing. | ||
| Yeah, they have a lot of earthquakes there. | ||
| That is something that they have to deal with in Tokyo. | ||
| And Mount Fuji. | ||
| You know what Brian Callen told me? | ||
| It may or may not be true. | ||
| Brian Callen told me, it totally makes sense, that the reason why they used to have paper houses there is because they have so many monsoons and typhoons that you didn't want your fucking house falling on you and killing you in the middle of the night. | ||
| Wow, really? | ||
| Yeah, because they had no accurate way of predicting the weather. | ||
| So what they would do is they would just create very light houses. | ||
| So if you get hit in the head with some balsa wood and paper, you're going to live. | ||
| And that wakes you up. | ||
| And then you're like, oh, we gotta get out of here. | ||
| And then you go to an underground location or some shit. | ||
| Is that why Japanese girls have sex? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you know how Japanese girls have sex, Brian? | |
| From porno. | ||
| Because the walls are so thin. | ||
| They had to sound like chipmunks or something outside because you would hear people have sex. | ||
| I was in my hotel room and I was slurping through the channels. | ||
| It was really interesting because it was all Japanese television. | ||
| But there was English menus and one of the menu items said pay. | ||
| So I said, alright, well this is either how to pay my hotel bill or it's movies. | ||
| And so I click on pay and it immediately opens up with a dude with an anonymous mask banging a chick. | ||
| And everything below the hips is blurry. | ||
| Like, you can't see her pussy. | ||
| You can't see his dick. | ||
| There's just a mass of blurriness there. | ||
| And he's just, like, hitting it, but he's not hitting it like he's got a big dick. | ||
| He's hitting it like he's got a little dick. | ||
| So he's hitting it hard, but the strokes are super small. | ||
| And he had a mask on. | ||
| So he has this mask on, and that's pay. | ||
| And that was on my bill. | ||
| I saw that was on my bill. | ||
| Pay. | ||
| Pay movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I paid for that. | ||
| I didn't know what it was. | ||
| I thought I would get a menu. | ||
| When I go to the menu and it says, you know, here's your options. | ||
| This, this, pay. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| I thought, oh, well, maybe there's some good movies you have to pay for. | ||
| It doesn't say adults. | ||
| It just says pay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So I wound up watching this guy with an anonymous mask on. | ||
| How long was it on? | ||
| I only watched it for a few seconds before I'd come all over myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| Screaming like a fucking Apache on a warpath. | ||
| I watched it, I set the TV at an angle, and I set the bidet on, and I just beat off and hit the ceiling. | ||
| No, I only watched it for... | ||
| I wasn't looking for it. | ||
| Get that on the internet. | ||
| Why would I watch their crappy porn? | ||
| That's stupid. | ||
| So crappy. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| You're not allowed to look at pussies. | ||
| It's like somehow or another, somebody tricked them into thinking that the thing you want to look at is bad. | ||
| But you can know what they're doing, but it has to be all blurry down there. | ||
| Like, wait a minute. | ||
| Pixelation? | ||
| I mean, was pixelation the green light for pornography? | ||
| Didn't they have pornography before pixelation was available? | ||
| What did they do? | ||
| Did they just never focus on the pussy? | ||
| Did one girl not like the way her pussy looked and she talked some fucking emperor into making it so it's a law? | ||
| You can't see a girl's pussy? | ||
| I think it's just disrespectful. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Or is it dudes that are really ashamed of their tiny little dicks? | ||
| And so they just want it all blurred out. | ||
| It could be magic! | ||
| It could be giant! | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You know what I did watch this weekend? | ||
| It was pretty giant. | ||
| I saw the Kim Kardashian sex tape. | ||
| Somebody put it up on the message board. | ||
| I'd actually never seen it before. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| I never watched it. | ||
| It's pretty powerful. | ||
| Well, what's powerful is the size of that guy's cock. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, because she really got fucked in it. | ||
| That's what I like about it. | ||
| That young man has a goddamn weapon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got a big dick. | ||
| But she wasn't doing such a good job of sucking it. | ||
| She's mostly hands. | ||
| Who cares about that? | ||
| It's mostly trickery. | ||
| It's mostly trickery. | ||
| Why do you like blowjob videos? | ||
| Why do you care what anybody likes, you weirdo? | ||
| You get upset if somebody likes something that you don't like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blowjob videos? | |
| Why do you like redheads? | ||
| Ew. | ||
| Why do you like blowjobs? | ||
| Ew. | ||
| Do you understand that for most men blowjobs are like the epitome of pleasure? | ||
| I know, but blowjob videos? | ||
| That's just weird. | ||
| They like it. | ||
| Why is that weird? | ||
| Because that's like 70% cock usually. | ||
| Why is that weird when you're watching guys fuck? | ||
| Do you only concentrate on the woman? | ||
| No, I like seeing the girl definitely get fucked, but with a blowjob video, it's all about looking around it and cleaning it. | ||
| No, it's all about pretending it's your dick, stupid. | ||
| You got a shitty way of looking at it. | ||
| Either way, that's not you fucking that girl either. | ||
| Do you see him whimpering? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's not you. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird. | |
| Do you see him just three strokes and out of breath? | ||
| And that's not you. | ||
| You know that's not you. | ||
| It's like watching a guy have a girl finger his butthole. | ||
| Why watch guys fuck at all? | ||
| Why not just all watch only lesbian porno? | ||
| And say, imagine if that was waiting for me on a planet somewhere. | ||
| And I was the only man. | ||
| And they would all be mine. | ||
| And they would fight over me. | ||
| While she's using the plastic. | ||
| Just waiting. | ||
| Waiting for you to land on your little raft. | ||
| Isn't that like a... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What do you got there? | ||
| You got a dick. | ||
| Look, it's brass knuckles on one side and then a dildo on the other one. | ||
| What? | ||
| What is the brass knuckles made out of? | ||
| Plastic? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there's two different types of plastic? | ||
| There's a softer plastic that goes in the box? | ||
| It's pretty hard, actually. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, I mean, it's not... | ||
| It's hard rubber. | ||
| But then you, like, just fuck her pussy. | ||
| Where'd you get this from? | ||
| Put shit in there. | ||
| I bought it. | ||
| Where? | ||
| I'm not saying... | ||
| In Japan? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| So, um, you're gonna use that on... | ||
| No, but you have two girls do it for you. | ||
| Oh, and you stick it up your ass. | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| No, you just... | ||
| You want to suck it, or what do you want to do? | ||
| No, you just, you know, slap them in the face with your dick while they're doing it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So you slap them in the face with your dick while you pretend you're fucking with a giant black dick. | ||
| No, they're fucking each other with that. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That seems silly. | ||
| It seems like you're missing the point of sex. | ||
| You're letting some big rubber dick take over your turf. | ||
| The rubber dick is getting laid and you're just slapping girls in the face with your cock. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| The best thing is to get laid, Brian, and you've given that to a plastic dick. | ||
| You're like, yeah, well I know that it can never be as good as that. | ||
| So, just let her use the fake dick and I'll just get my pleasure off on her face. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| No. | ||
| I just get them all worked up until they need a real dick. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| It's like all about foreplay. | ||
| That giant fake dick just gets them worked up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it gets them thinking about, man, there's a dick out there that's as big as this. | ||
| I need to find that dick. | ||
| It becomes like Indiana Jones and the Lost Dick. | ||
| When women find out that it's possible that that giant dildo could be on a man... | ||
| She's like, maybe I could love him. | ||
| Maybe it's like my dream man. | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| I'm just wasting my time with this average dick loser. | ||
| Or it makes it easier for them to have a baby and they appreciate you fucking them with that and stretching it out for them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I don't think so. | ||
| I don't think any girl looks at it like that. | ||
| I think she wishes it was a real dick. | ||
| That's what she thinks. | ||
| She wishes. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| It's probably just some genetic thing inside their body that must feel so much better when the dick is just gigantic. | ||
| That's why people have to say shit like size doesn't matter. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Of course it matters. | ||
| How could you say that? | ||
| It's so foolish. | ||
| It's so foolish to say it's something that creates more frictions, larger. | ||
| It wouldn't be better. | ||
| Well, I do say that there is something to a certain point. | ||
| I don't think there's much of a difference. | ||
| If it's fat and to a certain point, I think it hits a certain spot that even if it's larger, it doesn't need to be larger. | ||
| I don't think girls want it deeper. | ||
| Some girls do. | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| I don't think girls want it deeper. | ||
| I'm pretty sure that's not even an option. | ||
| No, I mean like if it's like, hey, do you want 8 inches or do you want 14? | ||
| I think they would rather say 8 inches. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| There's a certain point where it starts hurting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's some girls that don't enjoy having sex with guys because they're just slamming into their cervix. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the end, they're like trying to stretch out their fucking, their drum at the end. | ||
| Bong, the meat drum. | ||
| At the end, you just slam it into it. | ||
| That's why you have cock rings in it. | ||
| That's like washers for the girl's assholes. | ||
| So it stops you at a certain point, like a doorstop. | ||
| So you won't hurt the girl. | ||
| You're a lover. | ||
| You've got to find how many rings you need. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| Cock ring stoppers. | ||
| Yeah, washers. | ||
| But then that part of your dick would always be sad. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| That part of your dick would always be sad. | ||
| Like, what about us? | ||
| What's squirt juice still in there? | ||
| Yeah, the whole dick wants in. | ||
| On the action. | ||
| And apparently the deepest part of your dick is oftentimes the most sensitive. | ||
| Which is why it's camped out next to your balls. | ||
| It's like super sensitive, just like your balls. | ||
| That's why it feels so good to go all the way in there. | ||
| And what it is, is this Mother Nature trying to set you up so that you definitely have kids. | ||
| Mother Nature trying to pitch the sperm as close to the eggs as possible. | ||
| Knowing that these Rambo Spermatozoas have a five day lifespan. | ||
| If they're like the best Navy Seal type hold their breath sperm ever. | ||
| That's crazy about five days. | ||
| Because sometimes I'll be like, all right, baby, since you're on your period, I'm going to come in you. | ||
| And then you're like, wait, in five days, she might be off her period and she might still be coming to her. | ||
| She might be ovulating. | ||
| Yeah, that's why the rhythm method is very tricky. | ||
| When you shoot a load inside a chick because you're pretty sure she's not ovulating. | ||
| Ooh, that's tricky, son. | ||
| That's why Irish people have so many kids. | ||
| It's a lot of it. | ||
| The rhythm method. | ||
| For real. | ||
| Irish Catholic. | ||
| You know, in Catholics, Catholics aren't supposed to use birth control. | ||
| Birth control's not good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| I mean, think about all these overpopulated places in Latin America, Mexico, Catholics. | ||
| You know, they don't want to be using birth control. | ||
| It's pretty ridiculous. | ||
| That's a bunch of hater bullshit. | ||
| Stopping a guy from using a condom? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Like, if you come on something and then a girl sits on it, are you responsible for that child? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I bet you are. | ||
| I bet if you came on a table and she scooped it up and stuffed it in her snatch, I bet she could probably say, you know, hey, you know, this is what he wanted. | ||
| This fantasy was for me to get pregnant by stealing his sperm. | ||
| That seems as crazy that you have to have responsibility for a liquid. | ||
| Well, it's crazy that you have to have responsibility for a chemical process that results in a life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When, if you, if someone stole your sperm. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or if you just, like, you know, like, cummed on a bed and then you had a friend over and she took off her clothes. | ||
| Clearly it wasn't your intention to get a girl pregnant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you shouldn't be responsible, but then you would have to have a transcript for the night to prove that you didn't actually just come inside of her and just go, I came on the bed. | ||
| Yeah, but that should be proved either way, you know? | ||
| How's that? | ||
| Meaning, like, if you're going to say that you had sex, you have to have proof for that also instead of sitting on it. | ||
| Well, most of the time when people have sperm in them, it's because they had sex, Brian. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| That seems to be the thing that you shouldn't have to prove. | ||
| In court, though, you think you would have to prove it either way. | ||
| Well, that doesn't seem fair to the girl. | ||
| How is she going to prove that? | ||
| Then girls just start setting up cameras, hidden cameras in everybody's room. | ||
| How would guys prove that she just sat on your cum that was on your bed? | ||
| Well, you would have to have a video of you ejaculating on the bed and then some hidden camera. | ||
| We should be able to record us having sex then for the same reason. | ||
| Well, imagine if it comes down to that. | ||
| Imagine it comes down to every time you have sex, you have to record it just so everybody knows that no rape crimes took place. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Nothing creepy took place. | ||
| So the government would have just like a massive database of people fucking. | ||
| Just make sure. | ||
| Look, we had some behind closed doors rapes going on and we had to stop them because of like 10 rapes in a city. | ||
| Everybody has to get their self-filmed while they fuck. | ||
| If we're educational purposes, you're allowed to view it. | ||
| And could you imagine if you had one of those clips on that you wear? | ||
| You know, that fit clip thing that you wear? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Imagine if it's like, you know, your heart rate gets jacked up to like 160 beats per minute. | ||
| They're like, okay, Mr. Reichel, are you having sex or are you at the gym? | ||
| Please respond. | ||
| Like, you gotta make sure you're not fucking, dude. | ||
| Because if you're not fucking, no one can watch. | ||
| How come you're fucking in the dark? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're supposed to be in front of your camera now, sir. | ||
| Your fit clip says that your heart rate is elevated. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yeah, all the fucking you do, you can never rape anybody in a closet. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's going to be the next thing. | ||
| There's going to be a way to monitor your state of consciousness, your heart rate, your blood sugar levels, all that shit. | ||
| You're going to be able to monitor it constantly on a person's body. | ||
| It just makes sense. | ||
| Like some sort of an implant. | ||
| Some implant will just read the various variables in your body and then interface with some sort of a computer. | ||
| You walk in front of somebody, it'll scan it, and it'll just read back the information. | ||
| You think about how small computers are now compared to how big they were when NASA launched the Apollo missions, and then think of how small they're going to be in the future. | ||
| They're going to be injectable. | ||
| You're going to have a computer that you can inject into your fucking ass. | ||
| Just a little, like a hard, like, it would be like a tiny... | ||
| It's already in your ass. | ||
| Half-sized grain of rice. | ||
| Half a grain of rice. | ||
| It's already been put in your ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think so? | |
| Yeah, doctors have been paid to give it to you. | ||
| That's what people think of believing aliens. | ||
| You know who believes in aliens? | ||
| Edgar Mitchell, former astronaut, guy who walked on the moon. | ||
| He believes in aliens. | ||
| Some big fucking press conference. | ||
| Not a press conference, but an interview. | ||
| He did an interview where he was saying that he knows that the government has access to information and that he can prove, or at least he believes to the best of his knowledge, that the government has received transmissions from aliens, been in communication with them. | ||
| They know that they're watching us. | ||
| They know that they're hovering around Earth. | ||
| It was kind of interesting watching this guy with his fucking dog. | ||
| It's like his dog sitting in his lap. | ||
| It's kind of cute. | ||
| He's a little terrier, and he's talking about UFOs and all these different things that the government knows exist. | ||
| And you're like, whoa. | ||
| Is this guy lost his marbles? | ||
| Or is he telling the truth, and he's like, I don't give a fuck anymore. | ||
| I got my dog here. | ||
| I'm 80 fucking years old. | ||
| I'm just going to tell people, and no one's probably going to believe me, but hey, whatever. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| There was a really cool dog breed that's in Japan. | ||
| I've been researching a lot now. | ||
| You only really see it in Japan, but I saw one on the street, and it looks so weird. | ||
| It looks like a fox mixed with a cat, and it was bred to hunt bears by the Japanese. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| I think it's called Shibu Emu or something like that. | ||
| Shibu. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Oh, you know, that's one of my dogs. | ||
| One of my dogs is half Shibu Emu. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got a little bit of cunt in him. | ||
| He's a nice... | ||
| He's a sweetheart. | ||
| But he's confused. | ||
| He's a sweetheart, but he's confused. | ||
| Because he's half Bulldog, half Shibuino. | ||
| So he doesn't know what the hell he is. | ||
| He doesn't know whether to be lazy or whether to be a little cunty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a sweetheart, though. | ||
| He's really nice. | ||
| As far as when you come up to him, he always wants to be pet. | ||
| He's a nice dog, but he gets a little snappy with people. | ||
| Yeah, I guess the breed is kind of, like, very protective of just the family, but also, like, you know, they're just, like, complete assholes. | ||
| But it's really weird facial expressions, like, this chick that was walking the dog in Japan, she was, like, about to turn this corner, and the dog wouldn't go, just stopped, and looked at her with this face, like, hey... | ||
| I need to go take a shit over there. | ||
| And immediately, she was like, oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| And she said, sorry. | ||
| And then went to the grass and he took a shit. | ||
| But it was weird. | ||
| The face was so animated. | ||
| Problematic dogs are the dogs that are usually the smartest. | ||
| The smartest dogs, the dogs go, hey, hey, hey, we've got a problem here. | ||
| Like German Shepherds and shit, wolves, those dogs, those are smart as fuck, man. | ||
| And they're the ones that a lot of times cause problems. | ||
| They escape a lot. | ||
| It's because they get bored. | ||
| What's that breed of dog? | ||
| My friend Pete has this dog. | ||
| The one where there's a thing down its back that grows the opposite direction. | ||
| The hair grows the opposite direction. | ||
| Rhodesian Ridgeback? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He has a Ridgeback. | ||
| And man, that thing's intimidating to be around. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| That's a solid dog. | ||
| I'm more scared of that dog than I am a pit bull. | ||
| Wow, that's crazy. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Just something around it. | ||
| It looks like it's... | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Check your email real quick. | ||
| I sent you that Edgar Mitchell video. | ||
| They're more of a slender dog, man. | ||
| Rhodesian Ridgebacks are not... | ||
| It's all muscle. | ||
| Yeah, they're very athletic. | ||
| Guard dog style. | ||
| The scariest dogs are the big ones. | ||
| Those are the ones that can kill you. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| It hunts lions. | ||
| Rhodesian Ridgebacks are not that big. | ||
| This thing's humongous. | ||
| Well, let's look up because I'm pretty sure they only get to be about 80 or 90 pounds. | ||
| This thing stood was taller than me standing up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It was like Marmaduke muscles. | ||
| A muscular Marmaduke. | ||
| That's what it reminded me of. | ||
| Like a dog that would be in the video game Russian Attack. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That big? | ||
| No, dude, they're kind of a slender dog. | ||
| I'm looking at them right now, man. | ||
| I think you're confusing this with somebody. | ||
| I think we're communicating about different dogs. | ||
| This is the one that has a line that goes down its back that goes a different direction. | ||
| A ridgeback. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I guess there's one that's in here that looks kind of muscular, but they seem very thin. | ||
| I'm trying to figure out how big they get. | ||
| Does it appearance? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There we go. | |
| They call him the lion hunter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
70 pounds, bro. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Weigh about 80. Males weigh about 85 pounds. | ||
| Should be... | ||
| Many are much larger. | ||
| Ridgebacks are typical muscular... | ||
| Okay, so I guess even though some of them are like 85 pounds, they're saying some of them get way bigger. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| So I would imagine if you ran into a 100 pounder, yeah, that'd be a big fucking dog. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| That's a Rhodesian Ridgeback? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Amazing dogs to walk the face of the earth. | |
| Also known as the African lion dog, the Rhodesian Ridgeback is a large muscular dog bred in Southern Africa to hunt lions. | ||
| You know that term keeping a lion at bay? | ||
| Well that came from the Rhodesian Ridgeback. | ||
| The breed was created by Hottentots, an indigenous people of South Africa, and early German and Dutch settlers. | ||
| They combined imported Mastiffs, Great Danes, Greyhounds, Bloodhounds, Terriers and other breeds with the Hottentot Dog, a semi-wild tribal guarding and hunting dog to create the Rhodesian Ridgeback. | ||
| Imagine the type of personality it takes to run after a seven, eight hundred pound cat and chase it up a tree and that's the Rhodesian Ridgeback. | ||
| The most unique and defining characteristic of the Rhodesian Ridgeback is his ridge. | ||
| He can thank the wild Hottentot dog for that. | ||
| It's basically hair going in the opposite direction of the hair that grows down the rest of their body. | ||
| The ridge should be clearly defined and symmetrical and run the length of the dog's back. | ||
| It looks like a fucking vampire dog. | ||
| Do you remember when we ran into that girl who works for the UFC who has a dog like my dog only 50 fucking pounds bigger? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That 200 pound Mastiff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That was ridiculous. | ||
| That dog was so ridiculous. | ||
| And really sweet. | ||
| They're really sweet, gentle dogs. | ||
| But when I touched the dog and she wanted me to take a picture with him, I put my arm around him and I was next to him. | ||
| And he would move a little, bump into me. | ||
| And I'd be like, oh Jesus, you're standing... | ||
| You're standing next to a giant animal. | ||
| It's really big. | ||
| It's bigger than me and it's a dog. | ||
| And it's this enormous fucking head on him. | ||
| Oh my god, that thing was ridiculous. | ||
| 200 pounds. | ||
| And she flies it. | ||
| Goes in a plane. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Goes in the cargo hold somehow or another with this giant box it stays in. | ||
| That's so rude to fly animals, I think. | ||
| The dog didn't seem to give a fuck. | ||
| I think she did it so often he was just used to it. | ||
| Have you ever been around somebody that their ears pop during a flight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so gross. | ||
| Well, you know what else happens if you have any sort of a sinus infection? | ||
| It's unbelievably painful in your ears when you get to high altitude. | ||
| When you're coming down, somehow or another, that's when your ears start popping, and it's excruciating fucking pain. | ||
| Yeah, sinus pain, that deep ear sinus pain when your whole inside is clogged and infected. | ||
| Ooh, that's not good on a plane. | ||
| Planes are fucking freaky, dude. | ||
| What's going to be next, though? | ||
| Is there ever going to be a Concorde again? | ||
| Are they ever going to go with supersonic travel? | ||
| Or is it just too dangerous? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just don't like flying over the ocean. | ||
| When you go that fast, can birds even get out of your way? | ||
| Do they even have time to get out of your way? | ||
| No. | ||
| So if you slam into birds, is that a wrap? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| If you're taking off off the fucking LAX and you're in a Concorde and you're launching through the fucking air and you hit supersonic speeds... | ||
| Bird soup. | ||
| That bird's dead as fuck, right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And you probably have to take off really fast with those things, too. | ||
| It's not like you have the option to take off slow, and once the coast is clear, then you rock it. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| No, I think you have to take off fast at the beginning. | ||
| That thing looks amazing, though. | ||
| Have you ever watched some of the footage of the Concorde? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever watched it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Pull up a video of the Concorde so we can see what it looks like. | ||
| Not a Concorde exploding, though. | ||
| That shit's depressing. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| A bunch of them exploded. | ||
| Well, one of them hit a tire that another plane had left behind on the runway. | ||
| So as it was accelerating, it hit a tire and the tire kicked up and slammed into the plane and caused it to be on fire as they were in the air. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing, man. | ||
| That's what a lot of people thought. | ||
| I think they came out in the 80s. | ||
| Is that correct? | ||
| I think so, yeah. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't... | |
| Concord's creepy. | ||
| But they did them for a little while, and then it got to a point where, you know... | ||
| Too many people. | ||
| They were malfunctioning too much, right? | ||
| Well, the last one I think was really expensive to do, and the last one killed a lot of rich motherfuckers. | ||
| They did it for 27 years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, so the first flight was in 1969. That's amazing. | ||
| They were going supersonic speeds in 69. That is incredible. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| It's on the runway right now. | ||
| It looks so badass too. | ||
| Apparently they're loud as fuck too when they take off. | ||
| Right now it's just rolling, building up speed. | ||
| This looks totally like a regular plane right here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Isn't it the nose? | ||
| It's badass. | ||
| It's down. | ||
| It's pointed down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so weird. | |
| I hope this is not blowing up. | ||
| No, it's not blowing up because the other one blew up as it was in the air. | ||
| Like right when it took off. | ||
| I thought it was about to hit that one. | ||
| Oh, could you imagine if it hit that? | ||
| It looks so sick though. | ||
| Look at the shape of it. | ||
| God damn, I would have liked to have flown in one of those. | ||
| Richard Branson, I know you're out there. | ||
| Figure out a way. | ||
| Just make a better one. | ||
| Yeah, see if you find one actually taking off, though. | ||
| That one was boring as fuck. | ||
| I want to see a Concord going fast. | ||
| Say Concord go fast. | ||
| Plank code, go fast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We don't see this, Brad. | |
| It's burning badly. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Bring that back to the beginning so everybody can see that. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| It takes off. | ||
| And as it takes off, it hits something. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Why does it sound so fake? | ||
| That is fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| How can they, when that happens, there's no way to stop it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
- Reception of a middle marker. | |
| - Yes, well received. | ||
|
unidentified
|
- The gear, no. - Can you turn around? | |
| You know, they're so not mobile. | ||
| What the fuck are we? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a weird sort of reenactment. | ||
| Someone's doing, like, post-fight commentary. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This one's two million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| That's fucked up. | ||
| So, apparently, a lot of rich people died on that, dude, because the tickets were stupid expensive. | ||
| But I guess you could get to Europe in, like, two hours. | ||
| Wow, that'd be weird. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| I don't mind flying when it's nicer that the planes that go overseas seem to be a little bit bigger. | ||
| Because I couldn't imagine being on a Southwest flight, or not a Southwest flight, but one of those Delta flights or whatever where it's super tight. | ||
| There's planes that are just rude. | ||
| Sometimes when they pack people in there, you're like, this is just rude. | ||
| This is like human cattle. | ||
| It's not inhumane. | ||
| Inhumane, almost. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, that's what people will be... | ||
| They're willing to pay, you know, to be transported. | ||
| They're willing to be uncomfortable as long as they don't have to pay a ridiculous amount of money. | ||
| And when you think about it that way, then it becomes really reasonable. | ||
| Because if you can pay a couple hundred bucks and fly across the country, which you can if you get a good deal... | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Someone's gonna take you and bring you across the whole country in like a few hours in a day, and it's gonna cost you a few hundred bucks. | ||
| Just pay the man. | ||
| Be uncomfortable for a few hours. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's worth it in that sense. | ||
| Because otherwise, I'm not starting a fucking pilot airplane business. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| You're not starting a pilot airplane business. | ||
| Who's gonna fly people? | ||
| How are we going to get there? | ||
| We're not going to get there? | ||
| What if there was no airlines? | ||
| Is the government going to run the airlines? | ||
| Yeah, good fucking luck. | ||
| It'll be even more fucked up. | ||
| It'll be terrible. | ||
| A bunch of government workers flying into the ocean. | ||
| Crashing shit. | ||
| You better hope the fucking airlines stay in business. | ||
| Pay your money. | ||
| Be uncomfortable. | ||
| Deal with it. | ||
| Because I don't think they're making much money. | ||
| It seems like they're hurting. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It wouldn't be a good time to start up an airplane business. | ||
| Nah, not at all. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Air travel's tough. | ||
| And flights are expensive because oil is fucking expensive. | ||
| So jet fuel's expensive as fuck! | ||
| You know how much money it must cost to fly a plane across the ocean? | ||
| How much money is that in gas? | ||
| Must be a stupid amount of money. | ||
| I would think so. | ||
| I mean, it's so fucking big, but I don't know. | ||
| It's incredible that people were doing that in the 60s, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The 60s. | ||
| Those stupid fucks didn't have access to anything but books. | ||
| There was no phones. | ||
| You weren't talking to anybody if you weren't right in front of them, or you'd get them on a landline. | ||
| There was no cell phones. | ||
| No one was just driving around, calling the people no matter where you are, and looking up facts on Google. | ||
| No. | ||
| But yet, they were flying all over the country. | ||
| They were going all over the world, you know? | ||
| I wonder if we're going to see an alternative power source that's strong enough to be able to fly planes without fuel, where you're almost like on a glider or an electric car of an airplane. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, the idea is that if Tesla's inventions had ever come to fruition, one of them being wireless electricity, that that could have been a reality. | ||
| Shooting electricity up in the airplane. | ||
| Yeah, we could have developed some sort of... | ||
| I don't understand it, so I can't even comment on how they would do it. | ||
| I don't know how you broadcast electricity, but the idea was that he would do it almost like you'd be able to pull it out of the air like a radio signal. | ||
| That'd be cool. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| Or it would be terrible because an air flight would never work because people would be fucking exploding in your plane. | ||
| Because you're running into an electrical circuit, like right when some kid's shutting off his light bulb or something. | ||
| The electrical circuit sends a short up the wire and, you know, up through the air, the electricity in the air, and zaps your plane. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Obviously, that's not how electricity works. | ||
| But with any sort of breakthrough discovery, like air, electricity, you're going to have some little problems, right? | ||
| Especially now that Tesla's dead. | ||
| Have they tried using his information without his brain? | ||
| How many people are capable of bringing Tesla's inventions to fruition, even today? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I keep on thinking about the band Tesla and it just makes me mad. | |
| Isn't it funny? | ||
| The band Tesla, they were kind of lame and they hijacked one of the greatest minds in history. | ||
| Yeah, ego check. | ||
| Took somebody way too cool for yourself. | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of silly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm Abe Lincoln. | |
| I guess they were fans of his. | ||
| That's why they did it. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| I'm a fan of his too. | ||
| I don't call myself Tesla. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Who isn't? | ||
| Come up with your own band name, man. | ||
| You hijacked that dude's legacy. | ||
| That's almost like saying I'm Godzilla or I'm something like that. | ||
| Godzilla the band. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, your phone's going off kitty cat again. | ||
| Why don't you stop that? | ||
| Way over three hours. | ||
| No, we're not. | ||
| Well, I mean the two podcasts. | ||
| Oh, if you put them together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we're not doing that, are we? | ||
| I was going to. | ||
| It's part one and part two. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You want to put them together? | ||
| I was trying to. | ||
| Let's get crazy, bro. | ||
| Let's get crazy. | ||
| How long was the first one? | ||
| I think like an hour. | ||
| We do it just like they do it. | ||
| That's how like regular people do podcasts. | ||
| If you look at like the regular podcast, most podcasts are an hour. | ||
| True. | ||
| We're the only ones who wander on for hours and hours. | ||
| But the problem with us is sometimes we get to a spot we don't know when to fucking end. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They know how to end. | ||
| They know a time to bring this baby around. | ||
| They know. | ||
| They know how to end. | ||
| We don't know how to end, Brian. | ||
| Sometimes we're lost in a world of not ending. | ||
| Imagine if you had your own Concorde. | ||
| I don't want my own Concorde. | ||
| Because they essentially reach space. | ||
| They're like right at the edge of space. | ||
| Like a little higher, and they're at space. | ||
| Because I think they fly like way higher than a regular jet. | ||
| Would you ever get on a hot air balloon? | ||
| No, not interested. | ||
| I am terrified of that. | ||
| You should be. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Yeah, hot air balloons are fucked up, man. | ||
| That's a tough thing to control. | ||
| I don't think that's like... | ||
| I wonder how many people die every year in hot air balloon accidents. | ||
| But it happens. | ||
| Sometimes the balloons catch on fire. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think just the feeling of standing in a basket, too, and feeling like the wicker underneath your feet. | ||
| Yeah, I'm trying to find altitude here. | ||
| Let me see something else. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Search this. | |
| Dead airs. | ||
| It doesn't say what their altitude is. | ||
| I'm trying to find out how high these things went. | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| You ready for this? | ||
| A regular plane is like, what, 30,000 feet, occasionally 34,000 feet, something like that, right? | ||
| Occasionally the pilot will come on and say, we've reached 35,000 feet, our cruising altitude. | ||
| Concorde's maximum cruising altitude was 60,000 feet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| What the fuck? | ||
| 60,000? | ||
| 60,000 feet. | ||
| Subsonic airliners typically cruise below 40,000 feet. | ||
| Above 50,000 feet, the lack of air pressure would give a time of useful consciousness in even a conditioned athlete of no more than 5 to 10 seconds. | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| So apparently, you can do it only because... | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Is it because of the way the plane is built? | ||
| Concord's altitude, the air density, is very low. | ||
| A breach of cabin integrity would result in a loss of pressure severe enough so that plastic emergency oxygen masks installed on other passenger jets would not be effective and passengers would quickly suffer from hypoxia despite... | ||
| Quickly donning the masks, Concord was equipped with smaller windows to reduce the rate of loss in the event of a breach. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| A reserve air supply system to augment cabin pressure and a rapid descent procedure to bring the aircraft to a safe altitude. | ||
| Holy shit, it just dives down. | ||
| Oh my god, that must be horrifying. | ||
| Could you imagine if your shit breached and you just felt the plane point down at the earth and just... | ||
| Just straight down. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So they stopped flying, I guess, in the 80s. | ||
| Or in, excuse me, 2003. That's amazing, man. | ||
| That must have been a fun fucking thing to do. | ||
| I mean, you're 60,000 feet up. | ||
| I think it's dark out, even when it's daytime. | ||
| I think you're in space. | ||
| I think at 60,000 feet, you're really close to space. | ||
| The sky doesn't look like the blue sky that you see in a normal jet when you're just floating above the clouds. | ||
| You know that beautiful feeling when you're in a jet, you look out the window, and it's just smooth sailing, and you're above the clouds. | ||
| It's like, wow, that's so peaceful and beautiful. | ||
| I guess you're way above that shit. | ||
| You're where it becomes dark. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That'd be cool to see, though. | ||
| It'd be awesome, man. | ||
| It'd be awesome if we all had fighter jets, too. | ||
| I mean, you know, I used to do that bit about being in an F-A-18. | ||
| What is this thing, man? | ||
| Hot air balloon accident? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| The balloon, check out that picture there. | ||
| You can see it was ripped open. | ||
| It fell to the ground from about 500 feet. | ||
| Three people suffered only minor injuries, amazingly. | ||
| The paraglider had non-life-threatening head and spinal. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Oh snap son. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Hey, let's wrap this thing up, Brian Reichel. | ||
| This weekend, the Berea Improv will be doing it with Ari Shafir and Duncan Trussell. | ||
| And this will be the first time that Duncan's performing with Ari in quite a while. | ||
| I think it's going to be fascinating, especially considering... | ||
| Well, whatever. | ||
| Anyway, we're going to have a good time. | ||
| Bray Improv. | ||
| Most likely it's going to sell out. | ||
| Yes, I am doing a lot of new shit. | ||
| Yes, I have a lot of the... | ||
| I'm performing... | ||
| I'm getting ready, rather. | ||
| Tightening up my shit for April 20th. | ||
| Because it looks like April 20th in Atlanta is when I'm going to shoot my next special. | ||
| I've got to get going. | ||
| I've had the same material that I've been looking to put down on DVD for a long time now. | ||
| It's been like, I think, two years since my last recording. | ||
| So I've got a lot of shit. | ||
| I've got to get it out there. | ||
| And then Start Fresh, which is terrifying. | ||
| But we'll be doing a lot of those Start Fresh shows here at the Pasadena Ice House because it's such an intermittent environment. | ||
| It's great for coming up with new shit. | ||
| So that's my mission right now. | ||
| I'm on a mission. | ||
| My mission is to get out this special and then come up with a whole new hour in a couple of months. | ||
| So I'm going to do a lot of shows after April. | ||
| In May, June, July. | ||
| So I'll have like a few months before the special comes out when it gets edited and all that shit. | ||
| And in the months before, I'm going to have to come up with a whole new hour. | ||
| So that should be fascinating. | ||
| So I'll be doing a lot of shows. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| Thanks to... | ||
| The Fleshlight for sponsoring the program. | ||
| Thanks to them, you can buy a Fleshlight at a discount. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, you know the fucking deal. | ||
| Click the link, enter in the code name ROGAN, and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| 15% off, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| We're also sponsored by Onnit. | ||
| Onnit.com. | ||
| What is Onnit, Joe Rogan? | ||
| Onnit is God's company, my friend. | ||
| We're here for you. | ||
| What? | ||
| Brian, pay attention. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Holding your pipe up? | ||
| Is that the photo that everybody's seeing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That silly fucking pipe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I'll kill you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You can see what I'm saying. | ||
| I love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Light it up. | |
| You know you want to. | ||
| It's ceramic infused. | ||
| You don't have to worry anymore. | ||
| Thank you to C2O Coconut Water 2. They just sent me a bunch of fucking badass coconut water. | ||
| It's the most delicious. | ||
| It's from Thailand. | ||
| They're not even paying me. | ||
| Thank you to Onnit.com. | ||
| They are. | ||
| Go to Onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. And check out all the different supplements. | ||
| Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, New Mood. | ||
| All good stuff. | ||
| All explained at Onnit.com. | ||
| All stuff that I endorse and I use. | ||
| Alright, tomorrow the powerful Greg Fitzsimmons will be joining us. | ||
| Greg is my buddy from literally, like we started out within the same month of each other. | ||
| I think we're like maybe a week or two apart from each other. | ||
| So we've known each other a long time. | ||
| We've got a lot of fun. | ||
| Crazy stories. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He's a great dude, and he'll be here tomorrow. | ||
| So that's it. | ||
| We've got a lot of shit coming up. | ||
| Honey, honey, he's got to do the podcast next week, as is Sam Harris. | ||
| Holla at your boy. | ||
| So I'll see you, dirty freak, soon. | ||
| Thank you for tuning in, as always. | ||
| We appreciate you very much. | ||
| And this podcast, a lot of people come up to us and talk to us on Twitter and say that this is a huge part of your life now, and it's... | ||
| It's so much fun and you grow from it and you learn things from it. | ||
| We do too. | ||
| Forcing myself to do something like this and doing it so often and exposing myself to all these cool conversations with all these cool people, I am benefiting just as much as you are and I appreciate you guys to no end. | ||
| The coolest thing in the world to work at a place and then have the wait staff and everyone say, man, your fans are so nice. | ||
| And I hear it all the time. | ||
| And I just want you guys to know that I appreciate that more than anything. | ||
| I'm proud of that more than anything. | ||
| I think it's the coolest fucking thing in the world. | ||
| And I think if you put something out there, it's proof positive. | ||
| Be a cool person. | ||
| Be a nice person. | ||
| Try to, at best times, always, at every turn, try to be as cool about something as you can. | ||
| No one's perfect. | ||
| We're all gonna fuck up. | ||
| But if you go through life with that sort of a motto, don't be a cunt. | ||
| Try to keep moving forward. | ||
| Get your shit together. | ||
| Be nice to people. | ||
| How hard is that? | ||
| It's not that hard, right, Brian? | ||
| Have a good time. | ||
| This shit is temporary. | ||
| It's not gonna last. | ||
| You gotta wake the fuck up and realize the time to enjoy this fucking thing for the mad lunacy of what it really is. | ||
| The time is right now. | ||
| Enjoy this fucking thing. | ||
| Enjoy the shit out of it. | ||
| Cut out those people in your life that you're not enjoying. | ||
| Negative people. | ||
| Vampires. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cut them out. | |
| Cut out all the bullshit that's holding you down. | ||
| Scam and scheme and plot a way to get out of your job. | ||
| Do it all legally. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| Find out a way to do what you really want to do. | ||
| You can. | ||
| This fucking is getting way too... | ||
| Now I'm a motivational speaker. | ||
| I've got Anthony Robbins on everybody. | ||
| Look, I'm just loving y'all. | ||
| And I'm just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a little emotional because of jet lag. | |
| And that's it. | ||
| It's the end. | ||
| We're ending sloppy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good example to set. | |
| Alright, we'll see you guys tomorrow. | ||
| Thank you very much. |
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