Feb. 20, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:33:50
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Oh, you dirty bitches. | ||
| We're live. | ||
| This is a woman playing in the background. | ||
| It's a band called Honey Honey. | ||
| And the song's called The Angel of Death. | ||
| I'm in love with this chick's voice. | ||
| I heard this like an hour ago. | ||
| Somebody posted it on my message board, and then I just listened to it. | ||
| And I've listened to it like ten times. | ||
| I'm such a bitch. | ||
| I'm such a bitch for like a hot girl's voice. | ||
| Like a girl with a beautiful voice, man. | ||
| There's like a weird harmony that it connects to inside your cells. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| I bet women won't understand it. | ||
| You know... | ||
| I don't even know... | ||
| I don't even think this chick knows what she's doing. | ||
| She knows how to do it, though. | ||
| But the impact that it has on the male... | ||
| Astounding! | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you'll get 15% off number one sex toy format. | ||
| There's no other way to say that. | ||
| You gotta come up with a better way, Brian. | ||
| You gotta come up with something creative. | ||
| Speaking of which, your fans have been... | ||
| Yeah, they've been saying they'll have to get you one. | ||
| Do you want one? | ||
| I'm missing out on life otherwise. | ||
| If you want one, dude, I got one for you. | ||
| They just sent me a big box of them. | ||
| And I brought one for a studio fleshlight that lasted less than 24 hours. | ||
| I brought it here and I was just going to use it. | ||
| Just show it. | ||
| Just in case people ask about flashlight. | ||
| Because everyone always asks about, hey, what's this flashlight? | ||
| And so I had it for less than 24 hours. | ||
| And I was like, dude, please, can I have one? | ||
| So C stole your flashlight? | ||
| I gave it to him. | ||
| You gave it to him. | ||
| He's fucking it right now, probably. | ||
| Yeah, I gave him the black model one, too. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Well, look man, it works. | ||
| Solid product. | ||
| We wouldn't endorse it unless it was good. | ||
| It's a funny thing to get behind. | ||
| People find it very offensive and pathetic and juvenile. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I'm not sure, but I like it. | ||
| I like the fact that people are bothered by it and it's so stupid. | ||
| It just highlights how fucking ridiculous we are. | ||
| Completely ridiculous. | ||
| That we would care at all about pleasure. | ||
| That we care at all about a device that's really good at extracting sperm. | ||
| That's all it is, you know? | ||
| What's your fucking problem, people? | ||
| We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain. | ||
| The cognitive enhancement supplement. | ||
| I didn't take mine today. | ||
| I hope I don't sound stupid. | ||
| I got some right here if you want some. | ||
| Dude, hook a brother up. | ||
| I would say a nigga, but I'm not that confident. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| If you go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, all of this will be explained. | ||
| What it is is essentially nutrients for your mind. | ||
| It's not going to make you a genius if you're a retard, but it's going to enhance the way your brain works. | ||
| It gives you a feeling of mental clarity and energy. | ||
| There's a lot of people that don't understand nootropics or they don't know what nootropics are. | ||
| I suggest you just Google it. | ||
| It's N-O-O, nootropics. | ||
| And it's all about vitamins and nutrients that help your brain function at a good level. | ||
| And there's plenty of studies that have been done on this, and you should research it before you buy any of this stuff. | ||
| Also, I want to say that if you see Onnit's products and you want to try it, You're not sure if it's going to work for you. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Try it. | ||
| The first 30 pills are 100% money back guarantee if you don't like it. | ||
| We want to make it as easy as possible for you. | ||
| So you don't even have to send the stuff back. | ||
| If you try it and you don't feel like it has any effect on you, then send the pills back. | ||
| Or excuse me, don't even send the pills back. | ||
| You have to do shit. | ||
| You just get your money back. | ||
| It used to be as many as people ordered, but unfortunately a bunch of people decided to just buy a bunch of it, get all their money back, and then sell it on eBay. | ||
| That old story. | ||
| It's not even a story, it's a fable now. | ||
| It's a true story. | ||
| It's a true story, though. | ||
| I've said it so many times, that's the problem, but it is always ultimately true. | ||
| It's a fairy tale. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah, now it's a fairy tale. | ||
| Is there trolls in it? | ||
| I've said it too many times. | ||
| It's become not real anymore. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| It does. | ||
| And it changes a little bit every time. | ||
| Well, they did. | ||
| They bought a bunch of them. | ||
| They bought like nine orders and they sold them on eBay. | ||
| That's the story. | ||
| That's all I know, though, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Next week, it's going to be Amazon Marketplace. | ||
| Dude, I didn't make this up, man. | ||
| Don't be an asshole. | ||
| Let's try to do a little commercial here. | ||
| You're not helping Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| We're also, we make Shroom Tech Sport, which is a cordyceps mushrooms supplement. | ||
| It's got B12 in it too. | ||
| It's great for any really, really hard workout people. | ||
| If you're into CrossFit or anything crazy like that, it's a great endurance enhancement supplement. | ||
| It really helps you push, you know, like into points where you would ordinarily be fatigued. | ||
| Yeah, I wouldn't suggest any of this if you're not someone who works out, though. | ||
| There's also Shroom Tech Immune. | ||
| All this stuff, if you're fascinated by it, a far better description than I can ever give is on Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. And there's also an enhanced science of alpha brain where we've updated due to some criticisms. | ||
| Updated, we hired a science advisor and updated the way everything is described and Everyone's trying to be as above board and cool as this is possible. | ||
| So that's what it is. | ||
| If you're fascinated by nootropics, go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, enter in codenamed Rogan, and you get 10% off. | ||
| Not just the first order either. | ||
| Now it's as many orders as you want. | ||
| We fixed that shit. | ||
| All right? | ||
| Powerful. | ||
| Danielle Ibole is in the house. | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Brian, you're like a 12-year-old DJ. That's like the kind of sound effects I would be really into if I was a DJ and I was 12. Yeah, or it sounds like a sports broadcast, you know, like, this week on NBC Sports! | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| A lot of those sports guys are hard to handle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they're intense. | |
| Yeah, there's a special breed of guys that, like, shit on athletes. | ||
| You know, there's, like, some of them that are just sports broadcasters, but some of those dudes, like, they do them and they're, like... | ||
| He's a bomb. | ||
| He's always been a bomb. | ||
| He'll never get off the bench. | ||
| And you're like, whoa. | ||
| You're talking about a professional athlete there, son. | ||
| You better settle the fuck down, man. | ||
| You're getting a little crazy with your insults there. | ||
| You fat guy in front of a microphone. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I don't like that insult shit. | ||
| Right, Daniele Bolelli? | ||
| My friend. | ||
| Step in the ring or shut up. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So, brother, you are a scholar of religious history, right? | ||
| I mean, you are essentially... | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's the best way to describe it. | ||
| You're actually a professor on it. | ||
| How do you think... | ||
| That it is that we live in 2012 and we have this incredible depth of religion that's still controlling our lives. | ||
| How is it possible that something that seems so, like, it seems so, if you're rationally looking at it, you would go, okay, maybe there's some truth behind any of this. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe there's some truth behind the origins of the creation of the universe. | ||
| But clearly this shit has been written by people. | ||
| And we're gonna base our lives on this? | ||
| This is fucking bananas. | ||
| People, when they say base our lives, most people say they do, but then, of course, when it's convenient. | ||
| When it's not, it's like, let's conveniently forget a couple of passages. | ||
| But aren't those the safest ones? | ||
| The ones that stick to the code, those are the most dangerous. | ||
| The ones that want to throw rocks at you when you're dancing. | ||
| A Christian girl that sluts around every now and then, that's way better than someone who completely sticks to the code. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, but I mean, some of the things are because they boil down to eternal type of questions that no one has an answer to, you know? | ||
| And so the fact is unless, you know, people always say, oh, screw religion. | ||
| In that case, we go for science and reason and we need to be rational. | ||
| And don't get me wrong. | ||
| I mean, reason is a great tool, but if it doesn't give you answers to the things that scare the hell out of people, people are going to want some answers, whether they're bullshit answers or not, doesn't matter. | ||
| It's like, give me some answers because otherwise it's too damn scary. | ||
| Is religion then a tool to allow people to psychologically adapt to the next stage of evolution? | ||
| Like a placeholder? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's what people need to deal with, the fact that they can't deal with uncertainty. | ||
| Is it possible at all that any of it is based on reality? | ||
| It sounds ridiculous, but so does the universe itself. | ||
| The universe itself is pretty ridiculous. | ||
| The Big Bang is pretty ridiculous. | ||
| I don't claim to know shit, so who knows what's up there? | ||
| I don't believe or disbelieve anything. | ||
| My attitude is there's what I've experienced and there's everything else. | ||
| What I've experienced, I kind of know, and everything else. | ||
| Who the hell knows? | ||
| It pisses me off when people assume that stuff that they themselves haven't experienced. | ||
| They read it somewhere. | ||
| That's the ultimate truth and everybody needs to believe that. | ||
| What the hell? | ||
| Why? | ||
| How nuts would it be if you died and you really were at a gate in the clouds? | ||
| How psychedelic would that be? | ||
| If you really did have a dude, St. Peter, who's like the FBI, who's just been following your life since you were a baby, and he's like going over a day, why'd you do this? | ||
| And why'd you do that? | ||
| Like, fucking really? | ||
| Really? | ||
| That would be a silly dress. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Does that really stand for something, though? | ||
| I wonder if that ideal, this ideal of having to live a karma-free life and having to have done only good things, only be pure, and then you get to a moment. | ||
| Are they envisioning a moment of ultimate enlightenment? | ||
| I mean, what is the idea of the heaven? | ||
| Like, where is it coming from? | ||
| Is it coming from the need for the next level? | ||
| Like, what would be the best possible scenario? | ||
| The best possible scenario is all loved ones would be in the clouds forever and ever. | ||
| But really, how fucking long would that last before you're bored as fuck? | ||
| Could you imagine if that's heaven? | ||
| You're just hanging out in the clouds? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't drive anywhere. | ||
| You can't go to the movies. | ||
| Everybody's up together in heaven. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| No flashlight. | ||
| We all have wings now, so we just fly around up here. | ||
| What do we do after a while? | ||
| You get bored. | ||
| Where are you getting your food? | ||
| You're in the clouds. | ||
| Are you eating fucking cloud fish? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| Where are you getting your food? | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| We don't need food anymore? | ||
| Oh my god, what is there to live for? | ||
| That would be my question. | ||
| Are there flashlights in heaven? | ||
| Can you fuck in heaven? | ||
| How about that? | ||
| How about that question? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Can you fuck in heaven? | ||
| If there was heaven, would you be light upside down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What if it was just like a smokier place? | |
| The whole thing was just smokier. | ||
| You know, like you're just in a lot of smoke, you know, all the time. | ||
| So, like, you can have full relationships, you can get girls pregnant, you can still get a driver's license, but everything's just really smoky. | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense, Brian. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because you're in heaven. | |
| It's all cloudy. | ||
| It's like super clouds. | ||
| So it's like real life, but Seattle-like. | ||
| Maybe it's Seattle. | ||
| Maybe heaven is Seattle. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it sucks. | |
| Could you fucking imagine? | ||
| Hell is Vegas? | ||
| Vegas versus Seattle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm definitely going to Vegas. | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| It's raining again. | ||
| Vegas isn't hell. | ||
| Vegas is some sort of purgatory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, that's definitely hell. | |
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's like in their state motto. | |
| It's hell. | ||
| It's Vegas. | ||
| Hi. | ||
| We're hell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| I think it is. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| There's something about human behavior, man, when you get them in that frying pan. | ||
| A frying pan that is Las Vegas, you know? | ||
| I hate it now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just don't even want to go there. | |
| I just went two days ago, and Jesus, just the drive there, I was like, fuck, I forgot how bad it is. | ||
| Yeah, but it's fun too, man. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's the best place to go see fights. | ||
| It's like no other place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what it's like? | |
| It's going to the best club, like a bar, one night, and then you're hanging out there for a couple days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird town. | ||
| I like Vegas. | ||
| There's a lot of things I like about it. | ||
| There's plenty of cool people in Vegas. | ||
| The reality is, when you get people and you just let them go free like that, you give them 24-hour free reign, go drink, and you just wind up doing ridiculous shit. | ||
| Funny though, because you see these people that are going all wild, doing all this crazy shit, and you know that they are the ones who are at 9am at work, in suit and tie, and you're like, this is the carnival for the slave, you know? | ||
| I know, it must be a fucking grind to try to go back to work after a weekend of that. | ||
| But people who live there, man, they must get an extraordinary view of humanity. | ||
| They would be like great psychologists. | ||
| People who live in Vegas, they probably understand a lot about people. | ||
| If you work at a casino, say if you're like some dude, you could be like a guy who's like a real crafty dude who lives in Vegas could really describe humanity in a very unusual level. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| No innovation. | ||
| Just see them at their own estate. | ||
| Just the idea that you would get people and allow them to drink all hours of the night. | ||
| They can drink whenever they want. | ||
| Nobody ever tells you to stop drinking. | ||
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| Drinks are there. | ||
| You need a drink? | ||
| You're like, why? | ||
| You can still drink? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| It's just that alone is nuts. | ||
| No one's used to that shit. | ||
| That's a weird thing. | ||
| Alcohol removes inhibition. | ||
| That alone is what makes Vegas fucking completely insane. | ||
| You wanted freedom? | ||
| Here you go. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| Let's see how it goes. | ||
| This time was the first time that I actually was anywhere other than on the street. | ||
| I was like, whoa, there are actually people living here. | ||
| This is weird. | ||
| I thought it was just an adult Disneyland or something. | ||
| I love it, though. | ||
| I love the fact that there's a place like that. | ||
| I love the fact that there's a place where people can gamble. | ||
| I don't even gamble, but I love that you could just go gamble at 3 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| I don't do it, but if I was into it, I would love the fact that I could just do that. | ||
| I hate the fact that you have to go somewhere for something like that. | ||
| We restrict that sort of behavior everywhere else. | ||
| That, speaking of religion, is one of the things that pisses me off the most. | ||
| Because, I mean, people being religious, I have nothing against it. | ||
| If it helps you being nicer to your neighbors or whatever, good for you. | ||
| The stuff that Piss me off to no end is when they want to impose their own morality on you. | ||
| And so the victimless crimes law, you know, no gambling, no prostitution, no drugs, no... | ||
| But is there a positive message in trying to control some vices? | ||
| I mean, is there... | ||
| Is there anything you could say as far as social engineering? | ||
| Like, man, if you wanted to have a really safe environment, would you make prostitution illegal? | ||
| Would you make drugs illegal? | ||
| Would you try to suppress it? | ||
| Or do you think the safer thing would be to just decriminalize it and let people figure it out for themselves? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I have a minimum of regulation, kind of like the way they have the... | ||
| Amsterdam or something. | ||
| Yeah, exactly, where you have some safety standards that are good for everybody involved. | ||
| You limit the damage that people can do to themselves and to others. | ||
| And other than that, hey, it's your choice. | ||
| You do what you want with your life. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird thing, man, isn't it? | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| Just the idea that you can control what other people do, but only to a certain extent. | ||
| Like, we don't say that we can control porn yet. | ||
| Although, there was a thing about Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. | ||
| All of them were going to go after porn. | ||
| Was that who it was? | ||
| It was at least two of those characters who were going to go after porn. | ||
| I think it was Gingrich and Santorum. | ||
| I don't think Romney. | ||
| Well, not that it makes much difference because those guys are different shades of grey. | ||
| They're so bizarre, man. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| The fact that anyone on earth could vote for Santorum scared the shit out of me. | ||
| A lot of people are voting for him. | ||
| They love this guy. | ||
| What do you think they're connecting to? | ||
| As a person who... | ||
| He's obviously... | ||
| The message, quite a bit of it, is religious. | ||
| Yeah, big time. | ||
| That kind of stuff, it boils down to... | ||
| Somebody who give you the image of what you would want to have. | ||
| We promote all the good guys will be rewarded. | ||
| All the bad guys will be punished. | ||
| We stand for morality. | ||
| We squash anything else. | ||
| And the thing that makes some of these people feel good is we'll squash everyone else who doesn't agree with living life the way we do. | ||
| So we can impose our happy dogma on everyone else. | ||
| Because that ultimately is the kind of shit that it stands for. | ||
| And it's, uh, people like it. | ||
| I mean, it's not just religion. | ||
| If you look even outside of religion, people voted for Hitler. | ||
| You know, it's not, wasn't just purely taking power. | ||
| People like Nazism. | ||
| People like the hardcore form of communism. | ||
| People like, they like certainties. | ||
| They like somebody who at least puts up a strong face and is like, I'll stand for all these values. | ||
| I'll clean up, you know, all that shit and simplify life. | ||
| That's scary to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's really scary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Big time. | ||
| Because, I mean, it's not real. | ||
| It's based on... | ||
| It's based on numbers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I mean, he must have a belief. | ||
| He must have a belief. | ||
| I mean, there's no way he could be talking this much if he doesn't have a belief. | ||
| But anybody who believes something that they can't really prove and believes it to a point where they're willing to base their lives on it like that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you want to just run the biggest nuclear arsenal in the world? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Look what you're banking on. | ||
| Look what corner you're in. | ||
| You're in the corner of fire and brimstone, for real? | ||
| You're in the corner of gays shouldn't be allowed to get married. | ||
| What are you doing in 2012? | ||
| Why do you give a fuck about what gay guys are doing, you weirdo? | ||
| What kind of weirdo gives a fuck about what some gay guys are doing? | ||
| Like, oh, we have to stop that. | ||
| Birth control is bad. | ||
| Yeah, birth control is bad. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| It's like he's pulling us back into 1960. Yeah, but I mean, he's... | ||
| Birth control is awesome. | ||
| You can shoot loads into chicks and they don't get pregnant, you stupid fuck. | ||
| You fucking dummy. | ||
| You fucking dummy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you ever tried the female condom on a girl? | |
| Is that like a dental dam? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's like a dental dam, but you can just cum as much as you want. | |
| It's amazing, but you have to change it because it's like a vagina diaper because it gets really full. | ||
| That image you just gave us is the best bar control ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vagina diaper? | |
| That just killed my wood, son. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| Yeah, who's going to be all excited? | ||
| You like my vagina diaper? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| Guys will still fuck you if you have a vagina diaper. | ||
| We don't care. | ||
| We can get over that real quick. | ||
| You know, for a woman, that would be a deal breaker. | ||
| You know, you pull off a diaper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bunch of goobers in a bag. | |
| If a girl, like, had a diaper on, she had shit all over it, and she was really hot, and you had a bunch of napkins and, you know, some hot towels and what, you would clean her ass and then fuck her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| Yeah, it wouldn't even bother you really hardly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be like a little baby. | |
| You know, like, whatever. | ||
| You just gotta deal with it. | ||
| Wipe her ass clean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Baby with big tits. | |
| Yeah, I mean, but for a girl, if a guy had, like, shit smeared over his balls and dick and his pubic hair, she'd be like, that's it! | ||
| It's over! | ||
| Women don't want it nearly as much as we do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I agree. | |
| We'll clean shit. | ||
| We will clean your shitty ass. | ||
| For real, right? | ||
| That's also a conversation. | ||
| I'm glad we started. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| We're freakier, right? | ||
| Is that in the Bible? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you think that the Bible was initially created just to try to keep people in line? | ||
| Do you think it was created like, look, these are some stories, this is some lessons that we've learned, and then it just kind of like got out of control? | ||
| I think it goes both ways. | ||
| Sometimes you use it as a tool to control people's behavior if you feel that they are too fucked up, but also it's an internal thing. | ||
| I think it's not just, I know this is bullshit, but I'm gonna feed it to them just so I keep the crazies in line. | ||
| I also think that some of the people themselves who start some of these things feel it, need it, they desperately need it to the point where They will, they are going to be the first one to stick their own lives on it. | ||
| And that's, I guess, the Santorum thing. | ||
| You know, you want to live that way. | ||
| I mean, I think you're nuts, but whatever. | ||
| It's your life. | ||
| You should be free to do whatever you want. | ||
| When you want to impose it on everyone else, that's when you piss me off. | ||
| That's when it gets scary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's just bizarre to me. | ||
| Anybody who really absolutely believes something that much is bizarre to me, man. | ||
| Like, why do you believe it? | ||
| Where are you seeing this? | ||
| You really believe that book? | ||
| Is that what's going on, man? | ||
| That seems crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That you're banking it all on one book. | ||
| There's a lot of books, man. | ||
| Don't read. | ||
| A lot of shit has been written, you know? | ||
| And really, the shit that's the weirdest is the oldest. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| We need like a new behavior standard guide for humans. | ||
| That's what we need, instead of a Bible. | ||
| Just a behavior standard guide, so we can all get through this world. | ||
| Like, these are the rules that we agree to. | ||
| Instead of bestowed upon us by a higher power, Yeah, you definitely shouldn't do most of the shit the Bible tells you not to do. | ||
| Don't be killing anybody. | ||
| Don't fuck your neighbor's wife. | ||
| All that stuff. | ||
| That's all good. | ||
| Yeah, you really should. | ||
| Those are good. | ||
| But we need some more of those. | ||
| And we need like a comprehensive guide just based on what we all know to be right. | ||
| We all know. | ||
| I think this is the best time ever to do something like that because even though people are complaining that times are tough and unemployment is bad, and it certainly is, the economy is in a terrible position, but it's still better than any time in human history. | ||
| There's really been no better time as far as safety, as far as the access to get food and medicine. | ||
| If there's ever a time for us to get our shit together, like on paper, now is it. | ||
| Like together as like a group of humans, instead of bound by some crazy words that were written first in ancient Hebrew. | ||
| First of all, they were told as an oral tradition for like a thousand years first. | ||
| Yeah, it's not for 700 years. | ||
|
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|
God! | |
| Can you imagine what the fuck happens to a story when you tell it for hundreds of years before somebody figures out how to write things? | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| That's disturbing to say the least. | ||
| That's nuts! | ||
| What do you think about those Dead Sea Scrolls? | ||
| Do you know much about that? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things. | ||
| There's what are the official scriptures of every religion are one tiny part of what used to be out there. | ||
| And then people, I mean, you get to the cases of Christianity where literally they get to vote on which books are sacred and come from God and which ones are not. | ||
| I mean, can you believe that? | ||
| It's like somebody sit around the table. | ||
| It's like today right now. | ||
| We pull out some book and go, okay, what do you think, Brian? | ||
| Is these gods or not? | ||
| Okay, next. | ||
| Let's try the other one. | ||
| How about this one? | ||
|
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|
It's really that arbitrary? | |
| Really? | ||
| That's amazing! | ||
| How many books were left out? | ||
| Are those available? | ||
| Who knows, because a lot of that stuff got burned. | ||
| Are the indie books? | ||
| This is the indie bible. | ||
| A lot of these was, because it wasn't like, oh, we decide this is God's stuff, and so the other stuff, well, read it if you want. | ||
| No, it's like, we have to burn it, because it must be the devils, and so it must be terrible and horrible, and we need to squash any possible other alternative, and so let's burn them all. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| So when something else pops up that shows a different side to it that wasn't made a part of the official canon, then it makes everybody feel like, what the hell is going on? | ||
| So we can't base our life on this, or can we? | ||
| I mean, most people are going to ignore it anyway, because otherwise it messes with their categories, but that's basically the attitude. | ||
| What a weird time. | ||
| Think about the concept of faith, the stuff that's at the basis of Judaism, Christianity, Islam. | ||
| Think about the story that they all revere, they all think is a great idea. | ||
| God shows up, tells Abraham, I really think you should kill your son. | ||
| And they were like, well, I mean, I don't want to kill my son, but you know, if it's God speaking, well, in that case, sorry, boy, come on, you know, let's go. | ||
| He's about to kill him. | ||
| And then God sends an angel saying, no, no, no, wait, just kidding. | ||
| Just testing your fate. | ||
| You know, just checking you passed the test. | ||
| You did very well. | ||
| And now you'll be rewarded for it. | ||
| Last time I checked, when you hear these embodied voices telling you you should kill people, listening to that is now what should make you the guy who everybody looks up to and thinks, what a great example of fate. | ||
| What a crazy story. | ||
| God wants you to kill your baby. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| And you're gonna kill your baby for God and that was the right thing to do. | ||
| And God said he was just testing you. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| That's a sign that... | ||
| Good job. | ||
| You passed the test. | ||
| Is that Old Testament? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Old Testament is about as wonky as it gets, right? | ||
| But they said that the Dead Sea Scrolls were even wonkier. | ||
| There's a lot of Dead Sea Scrolls stuff that hasn't even been included. | ||
| That is the oldest written version, right? | ||
| Just because it's not part of the official canon doesn't mean that it's all good stuff. | ||
| It's easy to fall into the pattern of, oh, these evil bastards manipulated the things, put on these horrible things in the books, and so everything that got squashed must be good. | ||
| No, not really. | ||
| Some of the stuff that got squashed is probably even worse. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I love the fact that the Dead Sea Scrolls is always linked to crazy shit. | ||
| It's always UFOs and mushrooms. | ||
| It's like every wacky, crazy story is linked to the Dead Sea Scrolls. | ||
| Even the fact that they found them. | ||
| You know, one of the coolest things is the science of putting together the pieces because a lot of them are in leather. | ||
| And one of the ways they put together the pieces was they did genetic testing on them to find out which ones came from the same animal so they knew that it was a piece of one skin. | ||
| Incredible stuff, man. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Amazing stuff. | ||
| It was really incredible. | ||
| And they're still putting that fucking thing together. | ||
| You know, people are still trying to decipher it. | ||
| Which probably over the last 2,000 years they found a bunch of those things, but you know, 500 years ago somebody would have looked at it and is like, hmm, you know, maybe I can start a fire with it or something. | ||
| Yeah, when you're starving and you have to cook the book, that's it, you cook the book, you know? | ||
| If you need something to light a fire, you're gonna fuck that book, light it on fire, we're gonna die tonight, you know? | ||
| Basically. | ||
| Yeah, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, how much stuff was lost in the burning of the Library of Alexandria? | ||
| South of this world. | ||
| I mean, you're talking about thousands and thousands of volumes. | ||
| It's pretty damn scary. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing to think that human beings can be so fucking creative and then so destructive. | ||
| What people don't understand is there was some sort of incredibly advanced society that created ancient Egypt. | ||
| I mean, to this day, there's a bunch of puzzles when it comes to The immense construction, the fact that how much just actual mass was moved, just the size of some of these obelisks. | ||
| I mean, it really is incredible society, and they knew a lot of things. | ||
| And all of it was wiped out in a fire. | ||
| And I think it was like two fires. | ||
| I think there was two different times they were attacked. | ||
| Like, man, how much further would we be if we knew all that shit? | ||
| But it's the same kind of stuff that happened even in other places. | ||
| Because when the Spaniards came over out here, when they conquered the Aztecs, and the Aztecs were one of the indigenous people that had big libraries and had books and had written language and the whole thing, and the Spanish approach was like, well, Does this look like the Bible? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, in that case, screw it. | ||
| We can burn it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They just burn it all. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Okay, that's nice, but... | ||
| So if it wasn't the Bible, they just burned it? | ||
| Basically. | ||
| I mean, it's like, you guys are not Christians, so you must be devil worshippers, and as such, we should burn everything you've ever done, because it's all crap. | ||
| Did they burn any Mayan stuff? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, basically anything that was... | ||
| Mayans, Incans, anybody? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know, they're still finding Mayan temples. | ||
| That fascinates me, man. | ||
| They said that there might be as many as a thousand unfound temples in South America. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But then again, when you hike through the jungle out there sometime, you can see how that could be. | ||
| It could be there and you wouldn't see it. | ||
| It could be 10 feet away and it's so damn thick that you have no idea where they are. | ||
| What a fucking incredible culture that existed here. | ||
| What a bizarre, strange culture that made these... | ||
| These cities that were aligned to astronomical points, really amazing. | ||
| The way the sun would come up through some doorways, it was perfectly built. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| The stuff that they had figured out how to do, it's like, How did you do this? | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| It's one of the pyramids, the bottom of the pyramid. | ||
| There's this gigantic stone head of a snake. | ||
| And it's like, where the hell is the body? | ||
| It's like, because that one day of the year when the sun rises, it eats the shade of the steps in such a way that it looks like the body's coming down the pyramid. | ||
| It's like, Can you imagine building that whole thing and then you have shitty weather? | ||
| That would really suck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just the calculations involved. | ||
| I mean, is it possible that some of them could be coincidental? | ||
| I guess the snake thing could be. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| But there's so many of them. | ||
| There's one in the Temple of Luxor, I think it is, where the light comes down this corridor and illuminates this whole room on one day of the year. | ||
| No, I mean, these guys were awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck, man? | |
| It's incredible what they had figured out. | ||
| They had figured out some amazing shit, them and the Mayans. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like so much stuff was lost in the past. | ||
| Would have been so fascinating to really know how much knowledge really was around during the constructions of the pyramids. | ||
| What did they really know? | ||
| How much is lost in just the sand and erosion? | ||
| How much is gone in fire? | ||
| What the fuck did they really know? | ||
| I mean, if you get 99% of the human population today with modern technology and tell them, build a pyramid. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Everybody makes it like it's no big deal. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| If you were off by just a little bit anywhere, as I think it's the top, it's fucked. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And they used to be covered in smooth limestone, too. | ||
| It used to be actually shiny. | ||
| And then there was a gold cap on the top of them. | ||
| Goddamn, that must have been magnificent. | ||
| Yeah, seriously. | ||
| And what happened if people don't know? | ||
| You ever look at the pyramids why they're so fucked up? | ||
| That's because people stole the limestone. | ||
| They chipped it off of those buildings. | ||
| Those gross, disgusting rat people chewed away at that beautiful construction. | ||
| One of the most amazing things a human being has ever created. | ||
| And they chewed away. | ||
| Just pulling chunks of beautiful stone off and building their shitty houses with it. | ||
| Fucking crooks. | ||
| Rat people. | ||
| So you're in a good mood today. | ||
| What kind of a human being would deface the pyramid? | ||
| There were rat people that did that. | ||
| Terrible human beings. | ||
| I mean, could you imagine, man? | ||
| What kind of a person would fucking chew up the pyramids and steal the stone? | ||
| Jesus Christ, go get your own limestone, bitch. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Can't you make a house out of wood? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Even the three pigs had options. | ||
| They knew some shit, though, huh? | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| What kind of religions were around in ancient Egypt? | ||
| Like, what did they worship? | ||
| It was all like... | ||
| I mean, around there, you see the transition from tribal religions that tend to be more mellow, flexible, because they are not written down. | ||
| It's a relatively small society, so there's a lot more flexibility about the beliefs. | ||
| So they are generally mystic, shamanistic kind of beliefs. | ||
| But then when you turn them into a big society with, like, millions of people living in it, they become... | ||
| You still have a lot of the stresses of that stuff. | ||
| It's all about spirits and this and that. | ||
| But then they become much more rigid, official. | ||
| There's a clergy. | ||
| There's becomes a business. | ||
| There's the temple. | ||
| And you know, so it's kind of a more structured type of animism that in my mind kind of pretty much eliminates whatever is good about animism to begin with. | ||
| You tweeted a Robert E. Howard quote the other day. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| Oh, me too, man. | ||
| When I was a kid, I was a huge... | ||
| What was the exact tweet? | ||
| It was a Conan quote, right? | ||
| Yeah, it was a Conan quote. | ||
| I forget what the hell it is. | ||
| But it's basically Conan going off... | ||
| Yeah, I find it because I don't butcher it otherwise. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Conan in, it was one of, I forget which book, but it's a famous quote. | ||
| Where the fuck is it? | ||
| I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's as good as it gets. | |
| Women are like, that's so gay! | ||
| For a man, you know, the Sumerian culture, like, what a fucking crumb. | ||
| What a hard-ass god he was. | ||
| People don't know Robert E. Howard was this bad motherfucker. | ||
| He was an incredible author who created... | ||
| He created, what was it, Cole the Conqueror and Conan the Barbarian. | ||
| It was all these crazy fantasy books. | ||
| They were amazing. | ||
| They were fucking really fun to read. | ||
| When I was a kid, man, I became hooked on the Conan novels. | ||
| And he was a really nutty dude and wound up taking his own life, right? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know if he's true or not, but the legend tells it that he would say that at night he would get there to write and suddenly he would see the shadow behind him. | ||
| And he wouldn't turn, but you could tell that it was Conan carrying a giant axe ready to chop his head off unless he wrote all night. | ||
| And he would stay there and like sweat and write and write and write. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And by morning he was gone. | ||
| And so he could finally pass out and sleep. | ||
| But he would get ready for the next night because Conan would be back ready to chop his head off. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Conan was the coolest fucking character in any book ever written. | ||
| You know, the people like Conan the Barbarian with Arnold Schwarzenegger, that was pretty cool and everything like that. | ||
| But really, the real... | ||
| If someone ever figured out how to do the book justice and really put it together right... | ||
| Like the last one was kind of corny. | ||
| The dude was pretty badass. | ||
| Yeah, he was bad. | ||
| That dude was a good Conan. | ||
| He seemed to me like what Conan should look like. | ||
| No, it looked great, but the screenwriting was... | ||
| The screenwriting was bad, but he was good. | ||
| His fight scenes were great. | ||
| He looked like Conan. | ||
| You know, I think he... | ||
| People were hating because he's too fucking good looking. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| The dude is just way too good looking. | ||
| He makes dudes super uncomfortable. | ||
| But if you're not a hater... | ||
| I met the dude. | ||
| He was super cool. | ||
| And if you're not a hater, you go, look, man, he got lucky. | ||
| He was born 6'5", with a fucking perfect chiseled face. | ||
| You just gotta deal with that, bitch. | ||
| You gotta deal with that. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| That's what Conan's supposed to look like. | ||
| That fucking guy's Conan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just need to do it right, man. | ||
| The fucking writing was all corny. | ||
| The ending was all corny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What if Michael Bay did it? | |
| Dude, yeah. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Swords blowing up, horses spinning around. | |
| You know who would do it right? | ||
| Quentin Tarantino. | ||
| He's the only guy that would do it right. | ||
| Quentin Tarantino would fucking do it right. | ||
| He would dig into that bitch. | ||
| If you can get Quentin Tarantino to direct a Conan movie, God! | ||
| Damn, son! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be badass. | |
| Holy shit, that would be good. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| Get him to write it, too. | ||
| Get him to write the screenplay. | ||
| Put together one of the better books. | ||
| There were so many good books, too. | ||
| I gotta give you. | ||
| Having Tarantino would be a freaking dream. | ||
| But I have to say, I like Milius. | ||
| The original Conan. | ||
| Oh, that was good, too. | ||
| And I find it interesting that then he's the same guy who comes up with some of the concepts for UFC, you know, how the, uh, Gracie's had brought over. | ||
| Cause he was one of their students, you know, really this was one of the students of the Gracie's and he was the Gracie's. | ||
| They had, uh, Art Davy and they went Milius as kind of a creative, uh, director into the first UFC who started coming up with some of the ideas that then somebody else designed for the octagon and all of that. | ||
| And I'm like, I love that guy. | ||
| He created Conan the Barbarian and was at the beginning of UFC. That's incredible. | ||
| I didn't even know that. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| You have some UFC trivia that I didn't even know about. | ||
| I can go home satisfied now. | ||
| My work is done. | ||
| Rampage Jackson is mad at me. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was an interview. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I just read it. | ||
| I was watching. | ||
| He used to call me fake ass. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He was saying that all I wanted him to do is throw low kicks. | ||
| The reason he doesn't throw low kicks is because he's fighting a wrestler, you dumbass. | ||
| Look, man. | ||
| You know, I don't... | ||
| I love Rampage. | ||
| I don't mean to be rude when I assess things. | ||
| I'm just trying to objectively try to figure out how this guy could be doing better than he's doing. | ||
| When I look at a guy like Rampage, I'd look at a dude with... | ||
| He's fucking... | ||
| First of all... | ||
| One of the most exciting fighters of all time. | ||
| You go back to his fights in Pride, like the Ricardo Arona fight, or the Kevin Randleman knockout. | ||
| Remember that Randleman knockout? | ||
| God damn! | ||
| The slam on Arona. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, he had a lot of great, great fucking fights in Pride. | |
| You know, Rampage, I like him a lot. | ||
| I like him as a person. | ||
| I enjoyed hanging out with him. | ||
| I did a thing with him for the UFC once. | ||
| There was a show that we did. | ||
| I think it was called Ultimate... | ||
| Was it UFC Ultimate Insider or something? | ||
| Is that the one we're doing now? | ||
| I don't even remember the name of it. | ||
| It was on Spike. | ||
| Fuck, what was the name of it? | ||
| UFC... No. | ||
| UFC Unleashed is Michael Goldberg's. | ||
| What the hell was it called? | ||
| Any idea, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Tea time at UFC. Whatever it was. | ||
| I don't remember what it was. | ||
| We drove around in his... | ||
| He has this giant monster truck with his face on the side of it and shit. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It's all lifted and shit. | ||
| We drove around and I even trained with him. | ||
| We went to the gym and trained. | ||
| We filmed everything. | ||
| We went and got chicken together. | ||
| Yeah, we went to Popeyes. | ||
| He's cool as fuck. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| I don't mean anything. | ||
| When I'm judging a fight, I'm not judging a fight, but when I'm doing commentary on a fight, All I'm trying to do is sort of objectively assess what I think someone could be doing differently to try to get themselves out of a spot if they're not winning. | ||
| I'm just trying to commentate. | ||
| I'm not critiquing the guy's soul. | ||
| I'm not breaking down who he is as a person. | ||
| I like the guy a lot. | ||
| But even Rampage himself admits that he was more exciting back in the day when he was in Pride. | ||
| He doesn't have to be anymore. | ||
| He's a great fighter. | ||
| He can do whatever the fuck he wants. | ||
| When I'm doing commentary is just my objective opinion. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's not that I don't like the guy. | ||
| Why do you think he stopped? | ||
| Because in Pride, pretty much every fight, he would pick somebody up, lift them up in the air, slam them. | ||
| It was like he sings. | ||
| It's not that easy to do. | ||
| But he did it every fight, and all of a sudden, never again. | ||
| I'm like, what the hell happened? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, he has a lot more tools now. | ||
| He's, you know, it's hard to tell. | ||
| Also, he was fighting people in the ring more. | ||
| I wonder if that's different. | ||
| Well, they can actually be easier to pick people up in the cage. | ||
| In a cage, exactly. | ||
| Because they are upright in the cage. | ||
| Well, he, you know, it also, you could get fucking, after doing that for a long time, you could get, it's possible you could hurt your back. | ||
| You could have, like, issues. | ||
| Like, a lot of wrestlers, a lot of really powerful guys. | ||
| I don't know if he does. | ||
| I'm just guessing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But a lot of guys eventually have, like, kinks in their neck and shit. | ||
| Tito's had two disc replacements. | ||
| Yeah, and Tito wasn't even lifting people up. | ||
| He was just shooting straight. | ||
| Yeah, he lifted some people up too. | ||
| He knocked out Evan Tanner with a big body slam. | ||
| And when he was younger, he would hoist guys up a lot. | ||
| You know, I think as you get older, you get smarter. | ||
| As you get smarter, you fight more conservatively. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I just wish the guy wasn't mad at me. | ||
| You know, when I tell him to throw leg kicks, it's just because he has awesome leg kicks. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, he's like, you know, I'm fighting to wrestle a dumbass. | ||
| Like, I know, I know. | ||
| I'm just saying, man. | ||
| He landed a few, and his leg kicks are fucking badass. | ||
| I would like to see that if I was in his corner, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When Rampage is mad at you, is that something that you should be worried about? | |
| Like if you're out and you see him somewhere and you're like, oh, hi. | ||
| I would talk to him and I think we'd be cool instantly. | ||
| I'm not a bad person. | ||
| He's not a bad person either. | ||
| He's just upset and he's sensitive. | ||
| And he's also got the toughest fucking job on the planet. | ||
| There's a lot of pressure and a lot of stress involved in being a fighter. | ||
| And the last thing... | ||
| What I want to do is add more pressure and add more stress. | ||
| All I'm doing is trying to just... | ||
| I'm analyzing the fight. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| I have to be objective. | ||
| I can't protect someone's feelings at the expense of doing what I'm supposed to be doing, which is sort of analyzing what's going on. | ||
| And some people say I'm biased. | ||
| And he was saying that I'm biased towards jujitsu guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah. | |
| I read that. | ||
| Make it like I was sucking dick. | ||
| That was cute. | ||
| That was funny. | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| He was animated and shit. | ||
| He's a funny guy, man. | ||
| I like Rampage. | ||
| But if anything, I'm more biased, I always say, towards really aggressive strikers. | ||
| Like, Vanderlei Silva's my favorite all-time fighter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| If I had to pick one guy, like the Vanderlei in Pride, because he was so wild, man. | ||
| Every Vanderlei-Silva fight, you know exactly what the fuck you were getting into. | ||
| It was like a Tyson fight, in that same sort of feeling. | ||
| When he was on top, when Vanderlei was just smashing dudes When he was at his very peak, he was so wild. | ||
| It was a wild guy. | ||
| There was an excitement. | ||
| As a fan, like, holy shit, Vanderlei's about to fight. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| When Vanderlei was going to fight, man, everybody would get hyped up. | ||
| And still to this day, that Kong Lee fight proved it. | ||
| Still to this day, he's got that. | ||
| So my all-time favorite kind of style of fighting is really not jujitsu. | ||
| I like strikers. | ||
| To watch, I still like watching beautiful jujitsu technique. | ||
| I absolutely do, but for the oh shit moments, For the, oh shit! | ||
| It's like almost always chaos. | ||
| It's almost head kicks. | ||
| It's like Mirko Krokop was like the king of the oh shit moments. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You know, his left high kicks, Vanderlei. | ||
| You know, those are the guys that I always like really enjoy watching maybe the most. | ||
| If anything, I'm biased towards those guys. | ||
| But I just, you know, I appreciate all of it, man. | ||
| I appreciate wrestling. | ||
| I think wrestling is one of the most important aspects. | ||
| I always say that that's the biggest base of the pyramid. | ||
| I was never really a wrestler. | ||
| I only wrestled for one year in high school. | ||
| I don't have a bias. | ||
| When I'm looking at it, I'm really trying to look at it as objectively as possible. | ||
| And it changes all the time. | ||
| What's important? | ||
| It changes all the time because different levels of guys will enter the game, and that's when things get weird. | ||
| Things get weird when you get a really high-level striker that all of a sudden learns how to sprawl and is really good at wrestling. | ||
| Maybe we wrestled a little bit in high school, and then all of a sudden, boom, he's in the UFC, and you've got to deal with this. | ||
| You get to a really high-level, professional Muay Thai-type fighters who have really crisp striking, If one of those guys, one of those really top-end guys, one of those Ernesto Hoos in his prime, one of those guys steps into the UFC, everything changes in that division. | ||
| And then everybody has to figure that guy out now. | ||
| Everyone has to either evolve around his skills, find a way to be able to stand with him. | ||
| I hope he gets beat up in the gym. | ||
| Shooting before the fight. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's constantly changing what's important. | ||
| What's important is constantly changing. | ||
| We're always seeing a new version, like, oh, and then what if one of these guys shows up? | ||
| And now all of a sudden you've got this Jon Jones version, this new thing. | ||
| How do you fucking deal with this? | ||
| You've got some young kid who's really confident, very smart. | ||
| And has unbelievable strength, comes from a wrestling background, and has the longest reach of any fucking human being on the face of the planet. | ||
| And is blasting you, and you can't even get close to him. | ||
| And he's getting better every day. | ||
| Every time he blinks, he's getting a little bit better. | ||
| You know, he's ridiculous. | ||
| And also, he's creative, because there are a lot of guys today that are awesome athletes, they're great fighters, but they are It's kind of boring to watch because they do what everybody else does. | ||
| And so, I mean, don't get me wrong. | ||
| It's like all the respect in the world because you're doing something amazing. | ||
| But it's not that you'd watch somebody like Jon Jones or you'd watch Anderson Silva or you watch some of these guys. | ||
| There's like, it's a master at work. | ||
| You sit back and it's like, Jesus, what's he going to do now? | ||
| He's an artist. | ||
| There's a reason why it's called martial art. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Martial artist. | ||
| That is exactly what he's doing. | ||
| That's artwork. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When you watch his Shogun fight, watch the Jon Jones Shogun fight. | ||
| If that's not like a symphony, that's like a beautiful work of art. | ||
| What he did is he destroyed one of the best fighters on the planet and he made it look easy. | ||
| It puts art in perspective because fucking Leonardo didn't have some 6'4 dude trying to punch him in the face while he was painting his masterpiece. | ||
| I absolutely believe if you watch the Jon Jones-Leota Machida fight that that is a work of art. | ||
| I absolutely believe that. | ||
| That's artwork. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| The finish was so beautiful. | ||
| Everything about it, everything about the fight is incredible. | ||
| The fact that Lyoto tagged him a few times. | ||
| Lyoto looked great, but he just caught Lyoto, got him on the ground, dazed him on the ground, and then caught him in that standing guillotine. | ||
| Goddamn! | ||
|
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Woo! | |
| But you put it all together as far as entertainment impact. | ||
| That's a work of art, man. | ||
| That absolutely is a different type of art. | ||
| I like watching sometimes somebody's entire career kind of rather than watching a bunch of fights from different people. | ||
| Like watch one guy and watch back to back fights of their style and you see the evolution of their style and you really see a style there at work and it's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, that is a fascinating thing to watch guys evolve. | ||
| You know, I remember Anderson Silva's first couple of fights. | ||
| When he first started fighting in Pride, he was primarily a stand-up guy, and he got submitted when he went to the ground, like Takahashi, I think it was, got him in a mounted triangle, and then with wrestling shoes on, I think he did. | ||
| Was it Takahashi? | ||
| No, somebody else. | ||
| No. | ||
| Some dude who had a losing record of all things. | ||
|
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Really? | |
| The same guy who beat Carlos Newton by decision. | ||
| Oh, no, no, you're thinking about Rio Chonin. | ||
| No, before. | ||
| Really? | ||
| There was a dude before. | ||
| It's the same guy who beat Carlos Newton by decision in one of the Bushido events. | ||
| Takase, that's his name. | ||
| Takase. | ||
| Takase, yeah. | ||
| Okay, not Takahashi. | ||
| Yeah, and so he mounted him and got him in a triangle and then Ryo Chonan got him in that crazy flying heel hook. | ||
| Have you never seen Anderson Silva lost? | ||
| In one of the most spectacular finishes of all time. | ||
| Doesn't get any better than that. | ||
| This dude, Ryo Chonin, flew at him sideways, tied his legs up together into scissors like a movie. | ||
| That's like some shit from a movie. | ||
| That's like some shit from a pro wrestling show. | ||
| And then he caught him in this flying heel hook and Anderson immediately tapped. | ||
| Screaming in pain. | ||
| That's really the best submission I've ever seen. | ||
| Craziness. | ||
| Craziness. | ||
| And on top of it, apparently Anderson's foot was fucked up when he was going into that fight. | ||
| It looked like. | ||
| The second he touches him, Anderson is already tapping and screaming and going crazy. | ||
| Apparently, yeah, he went into that fight with a fucked up foot. | ||
| That's why he wasn't moving so well. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it looked like. | ||
| So that guy goes from that, and then all of a sudden he fights in the UFC against Chris Lieben, and now you see this master. | ||
| You know, you see, like, wow. | ||
| Like, the way he took Lieben apart, like, this is a master. | ||
| You know? | ||
| The way he moved, the way he, like, everything Lieben threw, he's, like, shucked out of the way and countered. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| These just precise counters, and Lieben's charging forward, and he's blasting them with kicks and knees and punches, and you're like, God damn, is he good! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| His fight with Forrest Griffin, I mean, what the hell can you say? | ||
| Well, you know, one of the interesting things is that Forrest, I had an interview with him about that, and he told me that he had gotten knocked out twice in training camp before that fight. | ||
| So, right away, he probably shouldn't have even been in there, you know, right? | ||
| I mean, if you get knocked out in a training camp like two times, how many concussions are you allowed to have, like, really close back-to-back like that? | ||
| Yeah, it's probably this close to somebody touching you the right way, and you Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's been a few fighters that have had that happen to them, and they both got knocked out exactly the same way. | ||
| One of them was, there was a dude who was fighting in the UFC for a while. | ||
| Fuck, what was his name? | ||
| Marvin Eastman. | ||
| Marvin Eastman got knocked out. | ||
| He got caught by Travis, what the fuck's his name? | ||
| Luter. | ||
| Travis Luter, of course. | ||
| Jesus Christ, how can I forget that guy's name? | ||
| Who's a sick jiu-jitsu guy, but not really known for being a super powerful striker. | ||
| A real strong guy. | ||
| I can't believe I forgot his name. | ||
| Travis, I'm so sorry. | ||
| I love that guy, actually. | ||
| I just had too much weed, dude. | ||
| I blame it on the weed. | ||
|
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That's crazy. | |
| Way too much weed and really strong. | ||
| Yeah, strong weed. | ||
|
unidentified
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I've been sitting here stoned like a crazy person over here. | |
| Yeah, it's not good for your brain. | ||
| Stuff's terrible for you. | ||
| Anyway, Travis Luter caught Marvin Eastman with a right hand and just like at the end of the punch and Eastman went down like he got shot. | ||
| Like he got sniped from a fucking tower. | ||
| He had gotten knocked out twice in training camp as well. | ||
| He was knocked out once, I think, by Tito Ortiz accidentally. | ||
| Like, ran into a knee and knocked down another time on a takedown attempt. | ||
| So, you know, when that's happening, man, you know, you can get knocked out super easy. | ||
| Speaking of MMA and religion, that was one of my favorite moments ever when Eastman lost a fight to Vitor Belfort. | ||
| Belfort did that crazy knee and spooking open and everything. | ||
| And then they have the cameras in the post-fight interview on Balfour saying, Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the strength to do what I do. | ||
| And then they pan on Marvin Easton and his face is like, his whole head is split open. | ||
| I think you said, if I remember correctly, you said he looked like a goat's vagina, which I thought was one of the best lines ever. | ||
| It's really unfortunate that I actually said that. | ||
|
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I should have thought that and just kept it to myself. | |
| And you see Balfour going out about Jesus giving him the strength, and then you see somebody's open been split with blood everywhere, and you're like, really? | ||
| That's what was going on? | ||
| But I thought it was pretty funny. | ||
| But then again, with respect to Vitor, good guy, so I'm not picking on him, but... | ||
| I think a lot of fighters really like to believe in the Lord and like to be on a good path because, first of all, I think it helps their fighting. | ||
| I think a lot of guys who are Christians, they have a little bit of extra faith. | ||
| They have a little bit of extra calmness, a little extra belief in themselves. | ||
| If you truly are a believer, there is a benefit to that. | ||
| It's psychological. | ||
|
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Huge. | |
| As a tool, right? | ||
| That's why it still exists. | ||
| Despite the fact that sometimes it doesn't look like it makes sense, but that's why it exists because it delivers a huge benefit. | ||
| It helps people be disciplined and stay on certain paths. | ||
| It helps people stay on... | ||
| If you really truly believe in a higher power, it's much more likely that you're going to have at least some sort of a code that you're living by. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| Is it possible to live life and be really nice without that? | ||
| Is it possible to convince people to live like a free person, but also live within principles of decency and just abandon everything else? | ||
| I very much think so, but it takes... | ||
| It takes special people. | ||
| Because not everybody can handle it. | ||
| Because a lot of people, unless you keep them in a little cage, they'll go crazy and do all sorts of messed up stuff. | ||
| It's kind of like the Taoist. | ||
| I love Taoism because you see the... | ||
| They are the first to tell you. | ||
| It's like, our stuff is... | ||
| You need to be smart. | ||
| You need to be sensible. | ||
| You need to have all these tools that you don't have. | ||
| So go to take Confucianism instead. | ||
| It's better for you because, you know, you won't fuck things up too bad. | ||
| They'll give you simple rules to stick to, limit how much damage you can make. | ||
| Confucianism is better for you. | ||
| Seriously, just go there. | ||
| Our staff... | ||
| They are elitist, obviously. | ||
| They are a little bit with this, but so is life. | ||
| Not everybody's gonna get it. | ||
| That's how it is. | ||
| It takes a hell of a human being to live with no rules and still behave in an amazing way. | ||
| But that doesn't mean it can be done. | ||
| And so in that sense, I find, you know, all the rules giving religions useful for a segment of humanity. | ||
| But then if you want to talk about full potential of human beings, I feel like, no, you can do better than that. | ||
| People have a real hard time with that, though, when you start segmenting human beings and saying that some people are more worthy or some people are more capable or some people are more even evolved, you know? | ||
| I'm an evil asshole, so I don't care. | ||
| Let me explain it so I don't sound too much like an asshole, but I believe in being nice to anybody. | ||
| I don't care, smart, stupid, whatever. | ||
| You should treat everybody giving them opportunity. | ||
| It's like, prove to me that you're not a moron, great. | ||
| I'll give you all the opportunities in the world. | ||
| But at the same time, I can be delusional and expect that everybody's gonna be amazingly smart and you walk into any room and you can throw. | ||
| It's like, I kind of expect people to suck, but I'll give them all the opportunities in the world to prove otherwise. | ||
| And I feel like that way is a healthy balance between being realistic about it and being without turning into a jerk. | ||
| So you think that if the government came out and said, hey listen, we did some studies, it turns out religion's totally bullshit, and we gotta start from scratch because we don't know what the fuck is out there. | ||
| What percentage of people do you think would just go completely batshit crazy and riot in the streets? | ||
| Would anything change at all? | ||
| It's not based on evidence anyway, so it doesn't matter what anybody tells you. | ||
| But a lot of people would be marching through the streets. | ||
| That would be one way where people would really show how much they believe. | ||
| They would start marching through the streets, right? | ||
| They would have to. | ||
| They would organize. | ||
| They would really put out a message. | ||
| But that's one of the cool things about living in the US today. | ||
| In general, in the Western world, you find... | ||
| A few, not even that long, 100, 200 years ago, they were, you know, you'd burn people on the public square kind of thing if they disagreed. | ||
| Today, even the hardcore fundamentalists, they get all riled up, they get pissed, but they are not the Taliban. | ||
| You know, they may think like them, but they don't act like them. | ||
| Yeah, but we're trying to stop it from getting any further than this. | ||
| Anybody that has that much faith in what they can't see, that's a disturbing thing. | ||
| You're willing to die for this? | ||
| That's an issue. | ||
| They're willing to die. | ||
| The part that worries me is you're willing to kill. | ||
| You're willing to die, whatever. | ||
| It's your life. | ||
| Willing to enforce your ideas. | ||
| The one that pissed me off the most of these things is the euthanasia debate. | ||
| The fact that today, in 2012, with the technology that we have, you could let people die in a good way. | ||
| You could let somebody say, look, when I get to that point, I want to be able to shoot me an injection, you put me to sleep, you give me the other one that puts me out without pain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's their damn life. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| I mean, nobody's saying that you need to die that way. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You want to go in whatever way you want to go good for you, but you really want to tell everybody else how they die? | ||
| I think it's a tricky thing, man, because I think there's going to be a lot of people that have cranky old grandparents, and they're going to push that motherfucker into that bed and go, look, he's been delusional right now, but he's been telling us to kill him for a couple days, so we're just going to go ahead and do this. | ||
| But there's the double thing. | ||
| You have either people should do when they are young. | ||
| What do you want to do in X amount of situations and sign it and deal with it? | ||
| And unless they change their mind, that's what sticks. | ||
| Or they pick somebody that, in the same way as they pick somebody to manage their bank account, they pick somebody who can make those kind of decisions. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| um because otherwise really you are in the position where today if you have a sick dog you can take them to the vet and they are gone in no time with no pain but for human being you have to suffer every step of the way seeing your body go to crap and we're very uncomfortable with giving someone the power to shut off a life yeah we're very uncomfortable with it right it's tricky and in my mind is that's you know when you love somebody you care for somebody and you see them go down that path and that's what they want That's the biggest | ||
| thing you can do for them, is let them die the way they want. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I see what you're saying. | ||
| I mean, I agree with you, but I think people, like I said, are very uncomfortable with the idea, especially religious folks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Very uncomfortable. | ||
| God decide when you get to go, so let you waste away for six more months in order to... | ||
| But essentially, they do kill you anyway with painkillers, you know? | ||
| Although a lot of people, when it's towards the end... | ||
| Yeah, it's fucked up, though. | ||
| ...they just keep flooding you with painkillers. | ||
| It's not pleasant. | ||
| Even... | ||
| Because it's not that they don't feel anything or they don't realize anything. | ||
| They do realize enough to feel like shit and realize it. | ||
| So it's not a pretty way to go. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I'm of the school of thought. | ||
| What happens when they cure that? | ||
| What happens when people don't get old? | ||
| How many goddamn people are going to be here if they figure out how to stop people from getting old and dying? | ||
| We might have a real problem. | ||
| We might have to build spaceships. | ||
| Well, there are too many people. | ||
| There will be more and more and more. | ||
| But if we stop dying and people kept fucking, that would be nuts. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| At that point is where you can have the UFC of give a sword to some dudes, put them in a cage, and have them go at each other for any issue. | ||
| You have a disagreement with anybody over anything. | ||
| Please, settle it with swords in the cage. | ||
| It sounds really stupid to say that people would devolve to that level, but when you get a lot of people together, they sort of devalue each other. | ||
| When you have too many of them, and you add that to poverty and the future and radiation sickness, and who knows what the fuck's going to be going on. | ||
| Yeah, life becomes cheap. | ||
| It's kind of like even in the ancient world where people die left and right all around them, people are a lot less sensitive about human life. | ||
| It's like where you could have the gladiators and people clap and think it's cool because it's like they see people dying left and right all the time. | ||
| Hey, at least you got to die after you train a bunch of months, you look like a hero, you got your head chopped off, but hey, you know, you're going to die anyway in six months in some other way, so might as well. | ||
| Isn't it amazing when you really stop and think about it? | ||
| Isn't it incredible that people ever got past ancient Rome that we ever got to today? | ||
| Think how nutty those assholes were. | ||
| The people were fighting lions with swords and shit. | ||
| They would throw lions at people. | ||
| Goddamn, what a bunch of crazy assholes. | ||
| Two weeks ago, some guy emails me from the History Channel and say, are you by any chance an expert on Caligula, the Roman Emperor? | ||
| And I'm like, Not really. | ||
| I mean, I read my Roman history and stuff, but he's like, perfect! | ||
| Just come on! | ||
| By the way, did you reach my email? | ||
| It's like, yeah, yeah, you sound great. | ||
| As long as you know, you get a book that you looked at once. | ||
| So I was an expert on Caligula. | ||
| Yeah, the History Channel is awesome for that. | ||
| It was, but it was cool. | ||
| Actually, they did their homework. | ||
| I read all their stuff. | ||
| It was all on the spot. | ||
| Nothing funnier than the History Channel when they got a dude that comes on and says, Sasquatch expert. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Yeah, that's brilliant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So how much did you have to know for them to use you? | ||
| You know, I was actually surprised that I knew more than I thought I did. | ||
| But, you know, it's not like I'm the expert. | ||
| It's like, what the hell? | ||
| I read something. | ||
| But then I was like, hey, man, I remember all this stuff. | ||
| Did you have to re-research it before you went on? | ||
| Yeah, the day before, I was like, oh, shit, I better do my homework, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I did reread the whole thing and everything to make the connection faster so you don't think about it for five minutes going, you know, but... | ||
| Caligula, man. | ||
| What a crazy motherfucker that guy was, huh? | ||
| The Romans were wild. | ||
| I mean, Caligula was sort of, you know, to the tenth power, but Roman culture in general, Jesus Christ, these guys were violent to a point that, I mean, you know how today there's the, you shouldn't kill people in ways that are cruel and unusual, all of that. | ||
| They are all about, you know, the more violent, painful, and public we can make it, the better. | ||
| You will make a statement to the Fed that you don't fuck with the States. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| That's bizarre. | ||
| Where the hell did Brian go? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was funny. | |
| That's what you get for shittin' outside that bathroom right there. | ||
| Should've just went right there. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, that break in the podcast was Brian got locked outside, and he was banging on the door. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Brian, you silly goose. | ||
| The comedy club has these automated locks when they're closed, and so I went out to go, because we're not supposed to shit in this bathroom, because it shits and makes everybody smell the shit. | ||
| Right, but no one's working today. | ||
| There were some people here earlier. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, there were. | |
| Okay. | ||
| So I didn't want to. | ||
| All right. | ||
| So where were we? | ||
| Where were we talking about? | ||
| Crazy romance. | ||
| Oh yeah, how amazing that culture was. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Bunch of savages. | ||
| People got through that. | ||
| We are ancestors of people, you know, some of us are at least, of people that lived there. | ||
| It's not like people went extinct back then. | ||
| No, far from it. | ||
| What a weird time that must have been, huh? | ||
| What a shit roll of the dice that is. | ||
| Getting born and you're living in ancient Rome. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| It was funny when UFC started, both the people who hated it and the people who loved it compared to Gladiator. | ||
| Well, they used to have a Gladiator opening. | ||
| We just abandoned it. | ||
| The new one is fucking crazy. | ||
| I haven't seen the new one. | ||
| The new one's amazing. | ||
| But the Gladiator opening was for a long time. | ||
| Everyone was like, who's this Gladiator dude? | ||
| What is all this about? | ||
| Rubbing dirt in his hands and shit. | ||
| It was just like, what? | ||
| You know, with the Italian music, you know, and then it's the opening. | ||
|
unidentified
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The new opening is wicked, though. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| The gladiator. | ||
| So what was Caligula's deal? | ||
| Caligula was completely out of his fucking mind. | ||
| Yeah, basically. | ||
| Do you think he was, like, clinically insane? | ||
| Do you think he was just mad with power? | ||
| No, I think he was nuts to begin with. | ||
| And then, of course, you grow up in an environment where, you know, your uncle kills all of your family, your brothers and sisters, and have your mom beat up to the point that she loses an eye and then gets her to starve to death. | ||
| You know, that's the environment you grow up around. | ||
|
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Jesus Christ. | |
| Even if you're totally sane, you start going a little over the edge. | ||
| Why'd they do that to everybody? | ||
| Because they are mean bastards. | ||
| And they protected their own power. | ||
| And anybody that they felt could be a threat to their power, they would get rid of them in fairly nasty ways. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| No, it's no different than any gang or any, you know, it's human nature that way we're at its worst. | ||
| Yeah, because there was no rules. | ||
| Essentially, they were calling the shots. | ||
| It's amazing that people ever get to a point of royalty, that people allow that hustle. | ||
| It's a very strange hustle that even though there's no fucking food, everybody's starving, there's no prosperity, there's no books, people are so silly, they'll believe that this one guy is worth more than everybody else. | ||
| He controls their armies and he's their noble leader. | ||
| But that would be a cool job. | ||
| I signed up for that. | ||
| Very few guys pulled that job off, man. | ||
| And now and then, somebody would kill you with a sword. | ||
| I think today I started well. | ||
| I started saying, you know, most people suck, and I have this elitist thing. | ||
| Now that I want to be the king of the universe, and I would be great at it. | ||
| Yeah, I think today is going well. | ||
| Well, every smart person thinks that they would be an awesome king. | ||
| I would be different. | ||
| Listen, there's a lot of kings that would be assholes. | ||
| If I was the king, that's how every cult gets started. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Some guy comes along and goes, listen, these other cults, they don't know what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| The way I would do cults would just be really nice, and as long as I'm in control, trust me, I'm really, really honest and objective about this. | ||
| When are we going to fucking figure this out? | ||
| So I got my results back from my physical, Joe. | ||
| You had a physical? | ||
| I got a full physical. | ||
| They tested blood, everything. | ||
| And they said that I'm like 100% everything's fine. | ||
| My cholesterol is exactly perfect. | ||
| The only thing that was bad, he's like, just take a little bit of D. You don't get out much, do you? | ||
| And I'm like, no, I don't get out. | ||
| So he's like, just get some, like, over-the-counter D. You'll be fine. | ||
| But you're just a slight thing. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| And no STDs. | ||
| My first AIDS test. | ||
|
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|
I've been mooching this, you know, off an AIDS test. | |
| But you got a real one now. | ||
| I got a real one. | ||
| Yeah, congratulations. | ||
| I'm glad you're not dying. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, that is good. | ||
| That's a monkey off your back, right? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I kind of feel like I eat somewhat healthy. | ||
| What I'll do is I'll eat healthy and then I'll have a shitty day where I'll eat fucking pizza. | ||
| So I think I have a good up and down. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that your body actually produces a vitamin by looking at the sun? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're out in the sun, your body produces vitamin D. That's why when you see like George St. Pierre when he's fighting and he gets tanned, that getting tanned like that actually makes you perform better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Getting a tan actually makes you perform better as a fighter. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| What is the bad part about having not much D, though? | ||
| Like, if you were an extreme case, would you just be like, oh, I can't... | ||
| Yeah, you'd be fucked. | ||
| It's really bad for you. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I think that's an issue with the people that live in really cloudy climates as well. | ||
| Like Seattle. | ||
| Yeah, I bet they have a problem. | ||
| We keep going after Seattle today. | ||
| Fucking Seattle, man. | ||
| We called them heaven. | ||
| Seahawk. | ||
| Seacock. | ||
| Seattle's a cool place, man. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I like Seattle. | ||
| It's beautiful up there. | ||
| Oh, by the way, somebody told me they just got back again from Tempe or Phoenix, Arizona and went to that new club in Arizona. | ||
| They said it is the most amazing place ever and you would love it. | ||
| It's 600 seats, but they have a person that follows you around that's like your own, like, hey, can I get you something? | ||
| You each have your own individual person. | ||
| Sam Tripoli went there and just had like a crazy party. | ||
| He saw somebody doing shit in the elevator. | ||
| This elevator walk up and people were having sex in it and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| He says it's awesome. | ||
| It's a party. | ||
| So check that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You know the one I'm talking about right? | ||
| Having sex there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's going on, Brian? | ||
| The fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Well, I don't want to give away Sam's story because he hasn't said it yet because he has a naughty show tonight. | ||
| Oh, so he's going to say it tonight. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Jesus, how many podcasts are you doing in this day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Three? | |
| Three today. | ||
| How are you going to listen to other people talk? | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| How are you going to do this? | ||
| You're going to shut your ears off after a while, huh? | ||
| Do you go numb? | ||
| I'm just... | ||
| No, it's just I kind of meditate while I listen to it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a lot of podcasts in one day. | ||
| It is a lot of podcasts. | ||
| Daniele Bolele, we need to have a religious question and answer podcast with you. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| That would be the shit. | ||
| Wouldn't that be fucking badass? | ||
| How people that have questions to religion, they contact you and then they could buy your books too. | ||
| What is the one that you published recently on Disinfo? | ||
| What is that called? | ||
| It's called The 50 Things You're Not Supposed to Know Religion. | ||
| And the genesis of this was kind of interesting because originally I pitched them a different book about religion. | ||
| And it was, you know, this big, thick, heavy book. | ||
| And they were like, yeah, you know, that's sweet. | ||
| But we're in the business of selling books. | ||
| So give us something, you know. | ||
| What is the big, thick book? | ||
| What was that going to be about? | ||
| It was kind of looking at all... | ||
| Basically, the approach that Bruce Lee had to martial arts, I was trying to play adapted to religions, sort of like taking from a bunch of different religions to look at what all the big questions are, look at what some of the answers that are out there to make up your own thing as you go. | ||
| Because ultimately, to me, that's the only thing that anybody does. | ||
| Makes up their own sort of standards. | ||
| Call it religion, call it philosophy, call it whatever makes you feel good. | ||
| But bottom line is a way of life. | ||
| And so I was like, do your homework, see what's out there, and come up with your own answers that way. | ||
| And actually, now that we did this one, they decided to go for it. | ||
| So I think I'll publish the other one toward the end of the year, you know, in the end of 2012. So this would be a really big book? | ||
| They asked me to cut it a bit. | ||
| And it's probably a good idea because it's probably too much stuff and people will be like halfway through like, ah, fuck it, no more. | ||
| But so yeah, I'll do that one, cutting it a bit. | ||
| And so that one I was super excited about. | ||
| But back then, they were actually smart because they know that this kind of stuff sells because it's... | ||
| Quicker, funny, weird, random, informative stories, in and out. | ||
| You know, you read one, next. | ||
| You know, you don't feel like you like that one, boom, you jump to the next one. | ||
| So there's 50 of them. | ||
| But yeah, it was weird, because when I originally signed up to do it, I wasn't as, now I'm really happy I did it. | ||
| When I started, I was like, eh, I need money, I guess, so sure, what the hell, why not? | ||
| But in my initial moment, and then it was in a shitty period of my life, because I signed on it, it was like, January 2011 or something. | ||
| And I said, sure, I'll get it done. | ||
| And they're like, do it by April. | ||
| Like, okay, that's a little tight, but sure, I can do it. | ||
| Then that's when everything went to shit with my wife, six weeks in the hospital, horrible things. | ||
| And then the second all that was over, I'm now responsible for a 90 month old baby to deal with her all the time. | ||
| And I have a month and a half left to write this stuff. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| Shit. | ||
| No, that's intense. | ||
| But the thing is, generally, I mean, I break more lows than I can keep track of, but one thing I don't do is I don't break my word ever. | ||
| And I told them, you know, I'll get it done. | ||
| They were even be nice about it. | ||
| They were like, you know what, we can push the deadline. | ||
| But like, no, man, you know, you wanted it done by then. | ||
| It's good for me. | ||
| It gives me something to focus on. | ||
| So rather than being there, you know, contemplating my navel, thinking the world sucks, I have something to do. | ||
| And not only that, but it has to be funny, light-hearted, at a time when my life is really not neither funny or light-hearted. | ||
| And so it's It was actually good. | ||
| It was awesome therapy for me because I could, you know, while I'm giving my daughter milk, I'm thinking about what the hell is the next line and I had to make it snappy, fast, you know, in quick fashion but funny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the best thing I could do for myself because, you know... | ||
| So did you write while you were holding the baby? | ||
| I literally got to the point where I would dream about what I was going to write at night. | ||
| I would fall asleep. | ||
| I finish writing. | ||
| I pass out. | ||
| I dream about what I'm going to write. | ||
| When my baby wakes up, I'm holding her, feeding her. | ||
| I'm like, okay, look at that thing over there. | ||
| Next line. | ||
| And then the second she would sleep, that's when I would write the most, of course. | ||
| And so I would be like, Go, go, go, go, go, go. | ||
| Okay, pass out. | ||
| Next day. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What a crazy fucking schedule. | ||
| How long did you do that for? | ||
| That was a couple of months. | ||
| Maybe two and a half months. | ||
| That's how long it took you to make the book? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's 50 things that you're not supposed to know about religion? | ||
| That's what it's called? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Give us one of them. | ||
| What's a good one? | ||
| Let's see what's fun. | ||
| Let's take a peek. | ||
| Man, coming up with the titles was half the fun. | ||
| I'm cracking myself up reading them. | ||
| I have one chapter, I think it's kind of the stuff I was telling you earlier. | ||
| It's called, If You're Too Stupid for Taoism, You Can Always Try Confucianism. | ||
| That always would make me popular in China. | ||
| I have... | ||
| Oh, this is great. | ||
| There's this guy. | ||
| The title of this one is, God is wearing dragon robes and wants you to kick Confucius' ass. | ||
| This is an awesome story. | ||
| In the 1800s, this one Chinese guy became converted to Christianity and he started saying that he was Jesus' younger brother, that he had this vision of God that was wearing dragon clothes and told him that Buddhism and Confucianism were all crap and it was his duty to stamp them out. | ||
| So he gathered up all these followers, started preaching in the countryside, getting all these people. | ||
| They became so powerful that they carved out their own state within China. | ||
| And they said that this was going to be... | ||
| I forgot how it's called. | ||
| It's something... | ||
| I have to find it because this is too good. | ||
| But it was called something along the lines like the Heavenly Kingdom of Everlasting Peace or something. | ||
| Well, the Heavenly Kingdom of Everlasting Peace ended up with the death of 20 million people in the course of civil wars between the Chinese government that was pissed over these guys trying to break away and this kind of weird version of Chinese fundamentalist Christianity fighting against these guys. | ||
| And eventually, when they laid the siege to his city, he was telling his followers, don't worry, God is on our side. | ||
| And, of course, he died shortly thereafter by eating some poison observed by mistake. | ||
| And that was that. | ||
| What year was this all going down? | ||
| I want to say mid-1890s. | ||
| I think 1820s, 1830s. | ||
| And how many people died in this conflict? | ||
| 20 million. | ||
| 20 million? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So one dude came along saying that he was Jesus' brother. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And 20 million people died as a result of this one guy? | ||
| Is that essentially what you're saying? | ||
| Yeah, Taiping Rebellion, 1850, 1864. And yeah, that's basically what it started. | ||
| How come I've never heard of that? | ||
| And that's why it's 50 things you're not supposed to know. | ||
| How come we've never heard about that? | ||
| That's an immense number of people that died. | ||
| I mean, take the numbers with the benefit of the doubt. | ||
| It's maybe 15 million. | ||
| Who the hell knows? | ||
| But, you know, that's what some people speculate that the number was. | ||
| Yeah, how would they know, right? | ||
| 20 million people's a guess back then, right? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But it's brutal civil war wrecking China for a bunch, which is one of the reasons why a bunch of Chinese people migrated to California at the time when there was the gold rush is because southern China was getting wrecked left and right. | ||
| What was this dude's name again? | ||
| The guy's name was Hong something. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| A lot of people are going to want to play that guy on video games. | ||
| That's going to be their name. | ||
| Go on as this bad motherfucker. | ||
| Convinced a bunch of people he was Jesus' brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, shit. | |
| I have no idea how to pronounce it. | ||
| That's a high-level pimp game right there, son. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| It's hard to pronounce. | ||
| I make it up. | ||
| How do you spell it? | ||
| It's H. Well, Chinese is spelled two different ways depending on how you, but the one that I'm using was H-O-N-G. That's one word. | ||
| And then the next word is X-I-U-Q-U-A-N. Wow, so good luck. | ||
| It's really fascinating the way the Chinese have their language, you know, it's phonetic obviously because they have totally different characters than we have, but the way they've expressed it in like the letters that we use, so it's bizarre. | ||
| Some of the words are really strange, especially like with X's and them and shit. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, my wife was Chinese and she was trying to teach me some Chinese and I was like, I mean, I couldn't say it because she kind of hated Japanese people, but I was thinking, Jesus, couldn't you just be Japanese? | ||
| It's so much easier. | ||
| Japanese is easier to learn? | ||
| It's way easier. | ||
| The way you read it is kind of the way you pronounce it. | ||
| There's only one tone. | ||
| It's easier. | ||
| Chinese is the same exact word with a tiny different accent. | ||
| It means completely different things. | ||
| There are like four different accents for each word. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it's just like, how can anybody say anything? | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So you think it's more complicated than English? | ||
| They say English is a hard one to learn, though, for some reason. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure if that's where you come from, if you speak Chinese or something, yeah, English must be a pain in the ass. | ||
| But for anybody coming from a vaguely Latin-based background or any of the Western languages trying to pick up any tonal language, like Chinese, Vietnamese, some of those, it's just like, good luck with that. | ||
| It is pretty fucked up that we all speak in different languages. | ||
| How many problems would be solved if everybody spoke one language? | ||
| That would be nice. | ||
| Would that solve anything? | ||
| Sort of, at this point in time, would it? | ||
| People hate each other from here to Irvine, so you don't have to... | ||
| But it would help. | ||
| It would be better than nothing, that's for sure. | ||
| It is pretty crazy how different languages are, too. | ||
| I mean, the difference between Chinese and Norway. | ||
| Norwegian and Chinese. | ||
| Is there a bigger difference? | ||
| Is it even possible to get something more... | ||
| Or Chinese and, you know... | ||
| How about Chinese and African? | ||
| Yeah, there are all those tribal languages where they don't have just the letters. | ||
| They have all the cliques. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Fascinating, man. | ||
| It's just so incredible how it evolves differently in different areas, but it all evolves, you know? | ||
| How many different languages are there? | ||
| Are there hundreds? | ||
| Thousands? | ||
| I'm gonna go on some bullshit, guys, and say... | ||
| Well, surviving today? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because, of course, there are most languages. | |
| Wait, wait, but let me bullshit first. | ||
| Let's try. | ||
| Surviving today, I want to say... | ||
| 250. I'll say... | ||
|
unidentified
|
176. I'll say a thousand. | |
| I think you're actually closer, the more I'm thinking about it, because there are a bunch of tribal languages that are still spoken. | ||
| How many languages in the world? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| There are between 6,800 and 6,900 distinct languages in the modern world. | ||
| Holy shit were we off! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit were we off! | ||
| You are the closest. | ||
| Dude! | ||
| Yeah, but I thought I overshot it, to be honest with you. | ||
| I thought it was probably around 900. Right. | ||
| Holy shit, that's incredible! | ||
| Well, I mean, 90% of that are languages that are dying, that are like 30 people in a tribe still speak. | ||
| And it's just like two clicking noises. | ||
| There's one that has four clicking noises. | ||
| Well, how bizarre is it when they have places like there's some spots in the Amazon that they're, you know, just recently discovered people in these tribes. | ||
| And this is the first contact they're having with the modern world. | ||
| And they're in there with their own wacky language. | ||
| They said that one of the few guys who had some contact with them, they promptly killed him. | ||
| So, yeah, good luck making contact again. | ||
| Someone made contact with him? | ||
| Yeah, there was one guy who was like an Indian from a different tribe, so he kind of understood their language. | ||
| But he also was, you know, more immersed in the modern world and all of that. | ||
| So he was kind of like in transition between those two worlds. | ||
| And they killed him. | ||
| Nobody knows why, but yeah, they whacked him. | ||
| Well, I think they probably have heard that some shit goes down when the loggers move in. | ||
| That is what happens to these people. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Yeah, what folks don't know is there's a bunch of people living. | ||
| I mean, they are people. | ||
| They're living like people used to live thousands of years ago. | ||
| They're essentially... | ||
| You know, living an ancient tribal lifestyle that we didn't really even think existed anymore. | ||
| They have their own handmade tools and weapons, and they're wearing fucking crazy leaves on their dicks and shit, and animal skins. | ||
| And they're still in there and then these people who are logging are going deeper and deeper into the forest and they're just cutting it down at an astounding rate and there's all these incredible medicines to be found there and all these different plants and animals that haven't even been discovered yet and insects that haven't been discovered yet and who knows what the fuck's in there and they're just chopping that shit down left and right and these people oftentimes are getting caught up in this Where, | ||
| you know, they'd lived there in that forest, deep in there for thousands of years, and then all of a sudden, one day they wake up, and they're fucking, they're watching trees fall in the distance. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| And they're just coming towards you. | ||
| It's an inevitable swarm of tree-eating machines, and all these people, these greedy people behind them, and they don't want to move around you, and they're going to chop your fucking trees down. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| Basically, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're living like a savage. | ||
| Yeah, they're looking at him like, you're living like a savage out here. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| We're chopping your shit down. | ||
| Meanwhile, those people had a wild life for a long time. | ||
| Who's to say their life isn't more interesting? | ||
| They're just doing ayahuasca and fishing and shit, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not a bad life. | |
| It seems like it would be pretty dope. | ||
| If you get used to living in the jungle, it's a hard, hard life, but there's a lot of food there. | ||
| You could become it. | ||
| You could become food if you fuck up. | ||
| That too. | ||
| You zig when you should have zagged. | ||
| There's a thing called a Brazilian wandering spider that kills you by giving you an erection until you die. | ||
| Yeah, it fucking, it has something to do with nitric oxide, which is like the same stuff that's in, that works in like Viagra and stuff that makes your dick hard. | ||
| And apparently this spider hits you with it and it causes some crazy fucking reaction. | ||
| It's neurotoxin. | ||
| It's the most powerful neurotoxin known to man. | ||
| And your whole body just completely stiffens up in horrifying agony. | ||
| And your dick... | ||
| It gets hard as fuck. | ||
| So hard it's like breaking. | ||
| Like your dick is engorged and breaking. | ||
| And even if you survive it, which most people don't survive, but even if you do survive, your dick will be destroyed. | ||
| Your dick would be useless. | ||
| It would just be a bag of bruises. | ||
| That's not like fun. | ||
| That's just from one bite? | ||
| From one bite. | ||
| What if it just licked you and then you just had a really hot boner all the time? | ||
| No, it doesn't work that way, Brian. | ||
| Like if you just got a little bit. | ||
| It doesn't work that way. | ||
| But I do believe that pharmaceutical companies are like investigating the effect that this thing has on your body to develop new hard-on medications. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, they develop something that gives you a hard-on for a year. | ||
| That's what they're going to do. | ||
| That's the next thing. | ||
| You know, like Viagra's, like, it's not effective enough. | ||
| What if I want to fuck 12 hours from now? | ||
| I need something with a little more kick to it. | ||
| And they came up with Cialis. | ||
| They'll have, like, jeans will have these new pockets or these tubes that just kind of go up to the side where you just put your dick in during the day because you have a rock heart. | ||
| You know, you're going to have a boner every day. | ||
| Tubes? | ||
| You know, like you'll have like a little pocket to put your dick in. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| Like they'll start sewing new pockets in their jeans. | ||
| Like a little strap. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it can move around with you. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a cargo pant pocket for your dick. | ||
| No, you're going to have to just point it up towards your belly button. | ||
| Oh, that sucks. | ||
| And have it peek over the top as you walk it everywhere. | ||
| All our dicks are going to have belt buckle marks on them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Our dicks are going to be like periscopes. | |
| They're going to start forming differently. | ||
| That might be actually the most comfortable way to rock it, if you just rock it straight up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, just have some sort of a tent. | ||
| Put a dick tent over it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I know exactly what you mean. | ||
| LAUGHTER That's in the jungle though. | ||
| Maybe these nice loggers are saving these people from a life of perpetual hard-ons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Death by hard-on in the jungle. | ||
| You ever see that movie, Big River Man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Documentary about some crazy guy who swam the length of the Amazon River. | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why did he do that? | |
| He got all kinds of fucking parasites in his skin and his body. | ||
| He was breathing and drinking that water and taking it in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's because he's crazy. | ||
| He was just this really funny, crazy guy who liked to swim and do these swim endurance things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| And, you know, he would do it day after day after day and he's getting delirious and shit. | ||
| It's a really strange, like, documentation on this guy. | ||
| Like, he had done a bunch of different endurance swims before and, you know, like, had got all these people behind him. | ||
| And it's a documentary that's taken by his son. | ||
| It's really interesting because his son, you know, is, like, watching this guy do all this nutty shit and sort of falling apart and all the different parasites he's getting from this water and... | ||
| Oh, fucking crazy, man. | ||
| And can you imagine that you're, you know, that's your father and you keep the camera, you keep going for the next 20 days as the guy, it's just... | ||
| Well, not only that, he would like jump off the boat into the night in the middle of the night and start swimming and they'd have to follow after him with spotlights and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| This crazy asshole, there's crocodiles out there and this guy is swimming in the Nile River. | ||
| And he survived the whole... | ||
| Yeah, he survived. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And he actually kind of looked like once he cleaned up and dried out and everything like that, he actually looked like he made it through okay. | ||
| Which is even more crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that is nuts. | ||
| Yeah, there's just some dudes out there, man. | ||
| But I mean, that's the randomness of it all. | ||
| You know, you can fucking die in the safest place in the world because a brick fall on you or something. | ||
| Or you can swim the Amazon for thousands of miles and come out fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's a weird thing that people have for wanting to do difficult things. | ||
| I've always felt that way about Mount Everest. | ||
| I had a joke about it. | ||
| Just because something's hard to do doesn't mean it's good to do. | ||
| People get a little confused. | ||
| Because the difficult things to do in this life usually come with reward. | ||
| You know, you risk yourself. | ||
| You leave your job. | ||
| You start your own business. | ||
| And that reward is, oh, it worked. | ||
| And now you're making it financially. | ||
| Congratulations, you're a success. | ||
| There's a risk and there's a reward. | ||
| In that case, that's not... | ||
| No, that doesn't look like the reward is... | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| If you could stop... | ||
| Is there a way that you could ever say that anyone running for president cannot talk about religion? | ||
| It's almost like even if you believe, it's almost like you shouldn't be allowed to talk about it in the political process. | ||
| It's almost like you're cheating. | ||
| You know, it's almost like you're not, you know, you're going after your people, man. | ||
| You're just trying to get your people to vote. | ||
| Because they will do it. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That's how a good chunk of Europe is. | ||
| It was supposed to be that way, though, wasn't it? | ||
| Yeah, for the longest time. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, I think honestly what happened is that Europe got soaked in blood of religious wars for so long that the people got really... | ||
| Annoyed by it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was like, I'm done. | ||
| You know, enough of this shit. | ||
| They were chopping each other's balls over the fact that you would read this book and I read this one. | ||
| How about, you know, do whatever the hell you want. | ||
| Let's keep the religion separate for politics. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And be done with it, you know? | ||
| And so today, in a lot of Europe, you go to churches and they are tourist attractions, you know? | ||
| In the countryside, no. | ||
| People are still into it. | ||
| But in most of the cities, They really are not. | ||
| Most people don't go. | ||
| US, whole different game. | ||
| I think it's the only modern industrialized country where there's this level of insane importance on religion. | ||
| I mean, today there's no way that an atheist guy could ever even bother running for president. | ||
| Has there ever been a time when an atheist could have ran for president? | ||
| Not in the US. No, never? | ||
| I mean, some guys were weird, like you take Thomas Jefferson or something, he basically edited the Bible by cutting up all the stuff that he thought was crap, which was most of it, and saving, you know, like, he took out, out of the gospels, he took out the virgin birth, the miracles, all of the stuff that in his mind was a bunch of crap, and then he saved up the parts of Jesus that he likes, saying, yeah, he's... | ||
| He's a sweet guy. | ||
| He tells you to be nice to each other. | ||
| I like that part. | ||
| We keep that part. | ||
| And that became the Jefferson Bible. | ||
| He saved it in a verse. | ||
| How long was his Bible? | ||
| Like 50 pages? | ||
| Yeah, pretty much. | ||
| No, for real, how long was it? | ||
| I don't remember how long it was. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What a cocky dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thinks he can edit the Bible? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| But at the same time... | ||
| You think he was a dick? | ||
| I mean, it's... | ||
| He's probably a dick. | ||
| At the same time... | ||
| You know, come on, man. | ||
| You can't edit that thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you know what? | |
| You don't get to edit it by yourself. | ||
| The fact is, everybody does. | ||
| They just don't tell you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because, you know, everybody highlights the part they like and they completely skip on the part they don't like. | ||
| And so they come up with their own thing anyway. | ||
| At least the guy had the guts to say, hey, this is exactly what I'm doing. | ||
| You know, everybody else does it. | ||
| They just, you know... | ||
| Well, there's always so much contradiction. | ||
| How about religious tattoos? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| That's like strictly prohibited. | ||
| You're not supposed to tattoo your body, right? | ||
| No, that's crazy. | ||
| Is that in the Bible? | ||
| Yeah, you get that. | ||
| In fact, for example, a lot of Jewish people, no tattoos, none of them. | ||
| You get all those things like... | ||
| That's why Jewish girls with tattoos are hot. | ||
| Bitches are gambling. | ||
| There's one that I threw in there that's... | ||
| What did I call that one? | ||
| Oh, it's entitled Christian Fundamentalist. | ||
| I would love to introduce you to my pet king, Cobra. | ||
| And there's actually a reason for that. | ||
| Because in the Gospels, there's this story of Jesus telling you that if you really have faith in him, if you are a true Christian and you have faith and all of that, you could take poison, snakes could assault you and bite you, and you'll be totally fine. | ||
| And I was like, wow, you know, if that's what Jesus is saying and if this is what you guys believe, hey, let me bring out the snakes. | ||
| Let's have it a try. | ||
| And it's like one of two things are going on. | ||
| Either you know that the stuff you believe in is crap and you don't really believe it. | ||
| Or you know that there are no good Christians, because, sorry, that's not the way it works. | ||
| Today, I don't care how much faith you have. | ||
| It's like nobody can survive taking the most poisonous stuff on earth. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or you're telling me that that line in the Bible is crap, and it was put in there by somebody else, but it's not real, in which case it doesn't exactly say great things about the reliability of the whole thing, but it's like there's no getting out of it. | ||
| Like, how do you get out of that, you know? | ||
| I had a conversation with a guy recently that was telling me that there are people that believe so much that they can drink poison and not die. | ||
| And I was like, oh man, what a crazy conversation we're having here. | ||
| I doubt that. | ||
| You know, and if you see, this is not scientific. | ||
| This is not something that's been proven by studies. | ||
| Like, does someone say that they absolutely believe that someone can take poison and not die because they're believing themselves? | ||
| There's only one way to tell, homie. | ||
| Take that poison. | ||
| It's like, hey, I'm not saying it's not true. | ||
| Let's try. | ||
| Convince me. | ||
| Hey, if you are right, you have zillions of people following and you'll be the greatest asset to Christianity ever because you made millions converts. | ||
| And actually, to tell the fact that some of these guys really are serious about it, there have been a bunch of people where, particularly in... | ||
| In a lot of, like, Carolinas, Tennessee, a few places where there was this tradition of snake handlers that they would, you know, let poisonous snakes bite them. | ||
| And, you know, quite a few of these guys died miserable deaths, and then some of them, the poison wasn't that much, so they managed to survive and all of that. | ||
| But I'm like, damn, really? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, literally. | ||
| What a way to go. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But... | ||
| But I love it. | ||
| When you have things like that, I'm like, hey, I'm not telling you it's crap, I'm not saying it's not true. | ||
| It's there, let's test it. | ||
| That just... | ||
| Let's just have it that way. | ||
| People need something, man. | ||
| They're always going to need something, whether they're going to need, you know, liberalism, you know, conservativism. | ||
| They need a path. | ||
| They need someone to just chop out the brush for them and point them in the right direction, whether it's, you know, Christianity, whether it's atheism. | ||
| I've met atheists that might as well have been religious. | ||
| They're so anti-religion that it's a religion in and of itself. | ||
| I had a chapter that was supposed to go in the book that was basically saying that atheist and hardcore fundamentalists are twins separated at birth because they are both based on certainty on how the universe works and all of that. | ||
| But then my publisher decided that you already are offending people of seven million different religions. | ||
| We want to sell some books. | ||
| How about we skip the atheist chapter? | ||
| When they both have in commas, they would all shit their pants if they saw an alien. | ||
| That I think everybody has that income. | ||
| That's the trump card, is the aliens. | ||
| If a real fucking alien battleship, like all these stupid movies that keep coming out, there's another stupid movie coming out where it comes out of the ocean and they fucking go to war with the American military. | ||
| They're shooting cannons at this fucking crazy robot monstrosity thing that pops out of the ocean. | ||
| Damn, I missed that jewel of cinematography. | ||
| It's not out yet. | ||
| It's coming. | ||
| You can get a break for yourself. | ||
| I think it's in a March. | ||
| But whatever it is, that is a never-ending theme. | ||
| A never-ending theme is someone way smarter than us coming down and just fucking our world up. | ||
| You know, hurling missiles through buildings, buildings explode. | ||
| It's like a standard vision. | ||
| I have this Chinese doctor who, when nobody could... | ||
| There were all this weird stuff going on with my body. | ||
| Nobody could figure it out. | ||
| This guy was amazing. | ||
| He just fixed me like that. | ||
| But the last time I saw him, he spent a half hour telling me about those motherships coming at the end of 2012, and who knows whether they are nice or not. | ||
| He was really going into it. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| What if he's right? | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| He was right. | ||
| When all the motherfuckers with their degrees and in suit and tie, all the top doctors from Kaiser and all of that couldn't figure anything out from him. | ||
| This crazy ass dude in the... | ||
| Did he use acupuncture or something? | ||
| Yeah, he did acupuncture. | ||
| He gave me herbs. | ||
| I mean, I was desperate, so I'm like, I'm going to try anything. | ||
| But the dude is literally in this hole in the wall. | ||
| He's wearing five watches. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| That's where all those baby mamas are staying all over the world. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| So I'm like, oh damn, this is... | ||
| But what do I have to lose at this point? | ||
| And hey, the guy fixed it in no time. | ||
| He told me it's your back. | ||
| Acupuncture will fix your back. | ||
| And then you have an infection. | ||
| I'll give you the herbs and you'll be fine. | ||
| Wow, an infection. | ||
| What kind of infection? | ||
| Yeah, no idea. | ||
| But it was like, this stuff will basically, whatever it is, we'll get rid of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And sure enough, because, I mean, they did, at Kaiser, I had like seven gazillion tests done from MRIs to blood work to everything, you name it. | ||
| They couldn't figure out anything. | ||
| Was this stress-related because of your situation? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sure, I'm sure. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, but stress can cause real stuff. | ||
| It can be not just some psychosomatic stuff. | ||
| It can really fuck you up in specific ways. | ||
| I mean, yeah, it was stress-related, but who knows specifically what it is? | ||
| Nobody could figure it out. | ||
| And then the crazy Chinese guy saved me, the one who was telling me about UFOs the whole time. | ||
| That's what I mean about baby. | ||
| So while he was fixing you, he was telling you about UFOs and it still worked? | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| So that's almost like eliminating the placebo effect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, this guy's fucking crazy. | |
| Yeah, big time. | ||
| He's talking to me about UFOs. | ||
| People love the idea of UFOs. | ||
| It's a fucking amazing idea for them. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| You know, it's so exciting. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You know, that they're out there and that they're watching and they're coming in. | ||
| You don't know whether they are your friends or they kill you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not saying that they're not real. | ||
| I'm not saying there's not really a guy in the clouds. | ||
| I'm not seeing anything. | ||
| I'm not seeing anything compelling. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| I leave it open that it would come. | ||
| But I'm not seeing anything compelling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not even the birth of a child, Joe. | |
| That's not what we're talking about. | ||
| We're talking about UFOs, you fuckhead. | ||
| You just tuned out and tuned back in. | ||
| You took my words completely out of context. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| But if the aliens did land, that would be the end of everything. | ||
| If there was something way smarter than us, we would just have to give up. | ||
| Right? | ||
| We would have to. | ||
| We would be so stunned. | ||
| That's when cults would just rise up. | ||
| That would be a dark moment. | ||
| If a real alien culture did come here for another planet, people would really get frantic. | ||
| That's when people would really stock up on food and.50 caliber guns. | ||
| Yeah, but what that's going to do if you're dealing with something that's so much more powerful, so much smarter. | ||
| You think it's possible for a society to get smart enough to be able to travel through space and go and fuck with other people on another planet? | ||
| I mean, look at the stuff we do today. | ||
| If somebody asks you if it was possible 50 years ago, it looks like magic. | ||
| Right, but we're always like one fuck-up away from blowing each other sky high. | ||
| That one doesn't rule the other. | ||
| It doesn't rule out the other. | ||
| You know, the fact that you can be incredibly smart and come up with all this awesome stuff doesn't mean you are wise enough to know how to deal with it and not fuck everything up, which is... | ||
| Humanity right there. | ||
| Yeah, that is humanity in a nutshell. | ||
| It would be such a fucking shame if we library of Alexandria this whole thing. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Just torched this whole civilization and had to really start from scratch. | ||
| Yeah, that would seriously ruin my day, I think. | ||
| Well, that is the one sort of, I don't want to say justification, but the one sort of argument for having one powerful military that dominates the rest of the world. | ||
| Is that by doing that, at least they keep everybody else from blowing everything up. | ||
| They keep your military from growing to the point where you are able to make the same decisions that we can make. | ||
| We don't want that. | ||
| There's an argument in that, I guess. | ||
| If you look at the statistics, what people are like, what the potential for people to behave is like. | ||
| I'm not a big fan of the U.S. government, but when I compare it to a lot of... | ||
| There are a bunch of places and governments that I would like better, and there are many others that I'm like, Jesus Christ, give me George Bush again. | ||
| Just give me the worst crap in the U.S. ever, and still I like it better than the Taliban, you know? | ||
| Yeah, no kidding, right? | ||
| Isn't it funny? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's amazing the spectrum of different sort of regimes that exist at the same time. | ||
| Like what's going on right now in Syria. | ||
| And while, you know, the Americas are complaining about the National Defense Authorization Act, which takes away a lot of civil liberties. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Nothing compared to what the fuck is going on in the Middle East. | ||
| You know, the riots of Arab Spring and what's going on right now in Egypt and the power void in Iraq. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's parts of the world right now that are fucked up. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| A lot, a lot, a lot. | ||
| I think we as Americans can barely even wrap our heads around that. | ||
| It doesn't even seem real. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Because unless you leave it, it's like something you see on TV for 30 seconds. | ||
| That doesn't mean shit. | ||
| That's like the one argument for a powerful military right there. | ||
| The fucking rest of the world. | ||
| People always say that I've been accused of being a liberal. | ||
| I've been accused of being anti-military, which I'm absolutely not. | ||
| I'm always anti the people that are pointing the military in certain directions. | ||
| That's what I'm anti. | ||
| I'm anti a lot of the people's decisions at the very top of the heap. | ||
| But as far as having a military, yeah, you better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the rest of the world does. | ||
| It's good to have a military. | ||
| It's very good to keep an eye on all these crazy assholes all over the world, too. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| People in the U.S., they grow up with everything about the country is amazing and wonderful. | ||
| And then when they find out that it's not all amazing and wonderful, that some bad shit happened, they go to the extreme opposite and it's like, everything that's American is horrible, terrible, and the U.S. is responsible for everything that's evil in the world. | ||
| And it's like, No, that's not it either. | ||
| It's more complicated than that. | ||
| It's very complicated. | ||
| The economy in and of itself is very complicated. | ||
| A lot of laws that are in place are very complicated. | ||
| And one of the reasons why they're in place is because getting rid of laws gets rid of jobs for police officers. | ||
| People don't like that. | ||
| That's one of the big problems with drug enforcement. | ||
| Drug enforcement as a business, the drug enforcement agency, it's a business. | ||
| Drug enforcing is a business. | ||
| You're spending money, jobs are created. | ||
| This is how ridiculous it gets. | ||
| In Florida, they had people that were pretending to be high school students. | ||
| You know the story? | ||
| Oh yeah, I read it. | ||
| I think you tweeted it. | ||
| Yeah, I tweeted it recently. | ||
| There's been more than one case of these. | ||
| One of them, they arrested 28 kids, and another one, this woman was hot, and she was 25, and she was flirting with 15-year-old boys. | ||
| They became Facebook friends, they were texting each other, and she was flirting with him, asking him to get her weed. | ||
| So he got her weed, this poor kid, this poor love-smitten kid, got her weed, and he said he didn't even want to take money for it. | ||
| He said it was a gift. | ||
| She couldn't give him money. | ||
| And then they arrest him, and now they're going to charge him with a potential nine years in jail or something crazy. | ||
| You know, what an asshole thing to do. | ||
| What a crazy, ridiculous asshole thing to do. | ||
| And that goes back to that point. | ||
| It's like, why the fuck do people feel the need to tell other people how to live? | ||
| You don't like weed, don't smoke it. | ||
| That's what we're talking about. | ||
| It's a business. | ||
| There's jobs that were created in that sting. | ||
| They created a sting. | ||
| They went into high school and they got kids to sell them weed. | ||
| And they did it in such a sneaky, fucked up way. | ||
| The fact that a 25-year-old woman could ever have a position where she talks a boy into anything and have that boy responsible for it. | ||
| Dude, a boy, a 15-year-old boy has no idea what the fuck is going on. | ||
| He just sees tits and skin and lips and she's touching his hand and his dick is hard and he can't even believe she's talking to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| He can't even believe she's talking to him. | ||
| I'll get you weed. | ||
| I'll get you whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He can't believe she's so hot. | ||
| She looks like a woman. | ||
| Because she is a woman! | ||
| That fucking bitch is totally cheating. | ||
| She's not 15. She's not a fellow high school student. | ||
| She's a 25-year-old cop. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Assholes. | ||
| How ridiculous. | ||
| But that's the thing. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| There are jobs in that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fine. | |
| I get it. | ||
| But isn't it possible to figure out a way to... | ||
| They don't want to get shot busting down a meth lab. | ||
| Meth labs are hard to break into. | ||
| Isn't there enough real shit going on where people could work to solve real problems going on? | ||
| Yeah, you would hope. | ||
| You would hope. | ||
| But, you know, I don't think it's that logical. | ||
| I think it's a money grab. | ||
| I think people go where the money is, and there is money right now in enforcing the current drug laws. | ||
| There's a lot of jobs that would be lost. | ||
| If we just said, alright, pot's legal, sorry. | ||
| You know how many fucking people are going to be out of jobs? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That's a real issue. | ||
| And it's something that should be corrected too. | ||
| There should be a bill that addresses that as well and says, listen, we're going to replace these drug enforcement jobs with the jobs where they're doing something more helpful. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Border security. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Something that makes more sense. | ||
| Border security is a terrible example. | ||
| Put them in torpedoes. | ||
| Or submarines, rather. | ||
| Get them to patrol the ocean. | ||
| These aren't really well thought out ideas. | ||
| But if you were trying to come up with a good bill, a good bill would be make marijuana legal, make it readily available and sellable, and then take the jobs that will be lost in drug enforcement and put them into something positive. | ||
| Whatever it could be. | ||
| Forestry, whatever. | ||
| Whatever jobs. | ||
| Then the issue would be those people wouldn't be qualified for those jobs. | ||
| So how do those people benefit from it? | ||
| Are those people just going to be shit out of luck and have to come up with a whole new career? | ||
| Not all jobs require you to study for 20 years. | ||
| I'm sure there could be a period of training where they still get their money as they are getting trained for the job. | ||
| But what if you were in drug enforcement for like 25 years? | ||
| Which a lot of guys are. | ||
| And then all of a sudden it's banished. | ||
| It kind of sucks for them. | ||
| It's not their fault. | ||
| It's not your fault when you're a young cop and you think that this is, well, it's the law, it's what it is, what it is. | ||
| It's almost not your fault. | ||
| You're suckered into doing something that's actually immoral. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It just seems like it's OK because it's behind the wall of something written down on paper somewhere. | ||
| But the reality of it is it's pretty fucking immoral. | ||
| You know, when you're when you're locking a kid up in a cage because you caught him with some plants or some fungus, you know, that's absolutely it's it's reprehensible. | ||
| And everyone knows it inherently. | ||
| They know it inside. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And if you don't, you're fooling yourself. | ||
| It's really that simple. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's just, it's just, it's amazing that we still have to have these conversations. | ||
| And not only that we can, because if you look at the political scene, nobody, not Republicans, not Democrats, I mean, nobody who has a shot at winning, let's put it that way, would even bring up this topic, because it's political suicide. | ||
| You know, it's like, you're soft on drag, you really want five-year-olds to be shooting air, you know, it's like... | ||
| The problem is those dangerous drugs, man. | ||
| The problem is those drugs that fucking suck, and we need to really get it out there to kids. | ||
| Don't fuck with heroin. | ||
| Don't fuck with meth. | ||
| Don't fuck with all these dangerous ones. | ||
| If things were legal, like if cocaine was legal, you would actually buy real cocaine. | ||
| You would go to a pharmacy or whatever the fuck you would buy if it was legal, and you could buy real cocaine. | ||
| You know, you're not getting real cocaine now. | ||
| You're getting real cocaine that Joey Diaz bought and chopped up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Who knows what you're getting? | ||
| I once met Albert Hoffman, the guy who created LSD. And one of the things he was telling me was, you know, most of the stuff that goes for LSD around the world is not LSD. Because the stuff, the way I make it, it uses certain compounds that are so rare that there's no way that it could support such much production. | ||
| There just isn't enough of that stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So you say whatever they sell out there, I have no idea what the hell it is, but it's certainly not my stuff. | ||
| And he argued, who knows, maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but he argued that his stuff would give you kind of all the benefits of LSD without all the crap from street LSD. So street LSD, though, is still giving you the same benefits as the stuff that he produces? | ||
| It just wasn't as taxing in the body, is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, they made that shit illegal too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| He was actually, you see this guy, he's like a Swiss chemist, so very serious, old dude, very, now he's been dead for a while, but he's, and he was originally looking for a cure for headache, like he was working on a headache pill, and he came up with LSD. That was pretty funny. | ||
| Yeah, didn't he come up with it and not even realize it, he took it, he accidentally got it in his skin, and it was riding home on his bike, and just tripping his fucking balls off. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Not knowing what he did. | ||
| They had no idea what the dosage was back then. | ||
| Because LSD, the dosage to body ratio has been compared to an ant demolishing the Empire State Building in 30 seconds. | ||
| Literally, that's how powerful a little tiny drop of this shit is. | ||
| He didn't know that, man. | ||
| He probably just was drinking glasses of it. | ||
| He was doing it. | ||
| Acid shots. | ||
| He was probably Shots of acid. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| But I have to tell you, I met the guy in his 80s and he seemed perfectly coherent and totally logical still and all of that. | ||
| So who knows? | ||
| Maybe he was right. | ||
| There's a different look that those old guys that have done acid have in their eyes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It is a different look. | ||
| There's a weird thing that you get sometimes when you're talking to one of those old acid dudes. | ||
| You might have seen some shit that's not available anymore. | ||
| They might have seen some limited production view of life through acid. | ||
| You know, acid in the 60s, I would have loved to have seen what it was like. | ||
| Like the flower children of the San Francisco early 1960s. | ||
| I watched that Hunter S. Thompson documentary, Gonzo, The Life and Times of Dr. And it's a fucking fun documentary, but one of the things it talks about was the utopia of the acid culture of the early 1960s in San Francisco. | ||
| And they show all these people running around, holding hands together, tripping their fucking balls off. | ||
| It's really interesting, man. | ||
| That whole fucking part of the world, it wasn't illegal yet, and that whole part of the world was just... | ||
| Blossoming with all these new ideas and new music and this new like sort of wild psychedelic culture was all like emanating out of this one place and they fucking threw the water on it and squashed that shit. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Even if you just listen to the music alone and you listen to what was in the 1950s and then you switch to the 60s, it's like what the hell just happened? | ||
| It's like it's a whole other universe right there. | ||
| Yeah, they came up with some fucking incredible shit. | ||
| And Ricks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it all happened. | ||
| I mean, a lot of it all happened in that area of San Francisco. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know, there are moments in time, man, where if time travel isn't possible, but time recreation is, if they ever figure out a way to recreate, like, we could just go in and peek. | ||
| That would be fun. | ||
| You know, like, remember those things that you had when you were a kid, the view sliders, and it was like dinosaur, and you would click, click, and it would, like, be the next dinosaur. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If there was something you could put on, some goggles, and just take a view as to what life was like in a certain area five million years ago. | ||
| Be like a fucking security camera on the wall a hundred million years ago in the jungle and watch dinosaurs run down jacking things. | ||
| That would be pretty damn fun. | ||
| I wonder if that would be eventually possible. | ||
| Maybe you can't have travel back in time, but you can't have a view. | ||
| Or even if they just had some amazing computer simulation of what had happened. | ||
| Yeah, I sat up for that. | ||
| I think I'm good with it. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck. | ||
| We're lucky. | ||
| We're very lucky we're living in 2012. We would have been dead at any other time in history. | ||
| We're too weak. | ||
| We wouldn't be able to deal with the caveman era or the Babylonian Empire or the Sumerian days. | ||
| When was Conan supposed to take place? | ||
| Conan is funny because he actually uses a lot of history, but then he argues that he makes up a lot of crap, of course. | ||
| But he uses a lot of real history. | ||
| Robert E. Howard did? | ||
| What did he use? | ||
| A lot. | ||
| If you look at his maps, they are based on, you know, many of the cultures in his sort of fantasy world are based then on cultures that eventually evolve in real historical times that we know of, but it's supposed to predate all the stuff we know. | ||
| So he argues that there was Atlantis and this super powerful civilization and that collapsed and the world went into this hardcore barbarism and then civilizations were rising up again and that's when Conan sets in and then the history we know of that comes down the road. | ||
| Why is that so appealing for men? | ||
| I mean, the guy goes around chopping people's head off, grabbing all the most beautiful women in the land. | ||
| I mean, do I need to go on? | ||
| He drinks all the time. | ||
| Yeah, but that era. | ||
| Not that era, rather, but that genre. | ||
| The sorcery and the snakes and the monsters. | ||
| He's always fighting. | ||
| Conan had the coolest fucking stories. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It literally, essentially, taps into the young male fantasy. | ||
| Especially as you become older. | ||
| I mean, my 40s. | ||
| I'm supposed to drop that. | ||
| I'm not supposed to be into the next Conan movie. | ||
| Someone get it Right, like that's ridiculous. | ||
| That's preposterous. | ||
| I'm a father and a grown man and I'm into Conan the Barbarian. | ||
| Ah, who cares? | ||
| Conan is an agent. | ||
| I know, but it becomes, I mean, it taps into like a real adolescent childhood sort of fantasy genre thing in our heads. | ||
| I mean, who doesn't want it, right? | ||
| It's like, what was in the movie? | ||
| What's best in life, Conan? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
To crush your enemies, have them driven before you, to hear the lamentations of the women. | |
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Lamentations? | ||
| I used to say lamination. | ||
| You know it's funny, I actually grew up, I watched Conan a million times in Italian and so I never really heard it in English and when I heard Arnold speaking it, I was like, Jesus, this is a whole completely different movie watching it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was the original voice like? | |
| Like, hey, come here. | ||
| No, he was just this manly, tough guy, but nothing particular striking about it. | ||
| Yeah, very normal. | ||
| Nobody ever gets it right when they do like a voiceover. | ||
| They hardly ever get it right. | ||
| But that time, maybe because I listened to that one first, I was like, oh God, the English version sucks. | ||
| It's painful. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the English version with Arnold wasn't as good? | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| Because it makes you laugh. | ||
| Is it his voice? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially when you don't expect it. | ||
| Because I was used to seeing Conan speaking like a regular human being. | ||
| And I'm singing, by the way, with the thick accent I have. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You're ranking on his accent. | ||
| Listen to you, man. | ||
| My accent is great. | ||
| Arnold. | ||
| Well, your accent has a certain amount of classical flair to it. | ||
| The Italian accent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Welcome to the Olive Garden. | |
| A roll to a tongue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Say that. | |
| Welcome to the Olive Garden. | ||
| Welcome to the Olive Garden. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's awesome. | |
| He's going to use that for a video now. | ||
| That's my new ringtone. | ||
| Fucking weirdo. | ||
| He's got a love affair with the Olive Garden. | ||
| It's his religion. | ||
| He didn't go with Judaism. | ||
| Somebody tweeted me yesterday that I was supposed to tell him that I saw him at the Olive Garden. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| What a weird, stupid running joke. | ||
| It will go on forever, too. | ||
| He will not let it go. | ||
| It's the strangest thing you've ever seen. | ||
| You know, speaking of people tweeting and stuff, I wanted to mention your fans are fucking awesome. | ||
| I've never been around people who are, like, after the first podcast, I got a million different people on Facebook. | ||
| Now I started Twitter and stuff. | ||
| And, you know, every single person I've run into has been really smart, really nice, super polite, but you check out their pages and they all have, like, really interesting people. | ||
| Weird, but funny and smart. | ||
| Oh, that's great, man. | ||
| So I was like, man, I'm happy that there are people like that out there, you know? | ||
| I think if you put out that sort of a show, you put out that kind of a vibe and have people like you come on the show and other people that I've had that people have really reacted to, like Graham Hancock and I got this Sam Harris cat that's coming on soon. | ||
| Having really intelligent, interesting people on the show and putting out your personal philosophy on things. | ||
| Just fucking be nice to people. | ||
| Stop being cunty to each other. | ||
| Everybody can be cool. | ||
| Everybody should be generous. | ||
| Surround yourself with a bunch of people that you really like. | ||
| And don't tolerate any bullshit and negativity from people. | ||
| Remove that shit from your life. | ||
| Remove that shit from what you're doing for a living. | ||
| Push yourself in the direction that you actually want to go in. | ||
| When you put that out there, people respond to it and it starts to become a part of their vibration. | ||
| It starts to become a part of who they are as a person. | ||
| I think that's what's happened. | ||
| We have this crazy group of people that are super cool. | ||
| I'm not delusional about this. | ||
| It sounds completely ridiculous that I would even say, well, there's a reason why my crowd is cool. | ||
| But if you go to my shows, the waitresses are always saying that. | ||
| The people are so nice and they're so generous. | ||
| I think it's just you put that out there, man. | ||
| I think it's good for all of us, man. | ||
| I didn't figure this out all on my own. | ||
| I had to meet a bunch of people that started behaving like this. | ||
| I had to meet people that had their shit together, that impressed me, that were nice and were positive and that impacted me. | ||
| And I learned from the way they behaved. | ||
| I think we're all doing that for each other. | ||
| And these conversations and these subjects that we're having, these subjects are... | ||
| It's unusual that you would have someone who knows as much religion In your life, as you do, to sit down with and go over this kind of stuff. | ||
| There's not a lot of opportunities that people have to talk to a big group of cool people. | ||
| That's one of the best things about this podcast. | ||
| Yeah, it makes me happy because I'm a judgmental little bastard, so I see a lot of people where I'm like, I don't like you so much and all of that. | ||
| So for me to say, Jesus, I'm blown away by the quality of people that I've run into after that. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome, man. | ||
| I'm not one who's always like, oh, you know, everything goody-goody, everything is great and far from it. | ||
| And so I was really... | ||
| Man, it's hard to keep track of so many good conversations with some people who touch base with me after that. | ||
| I was really, really impressed with it. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| Yeah, like I said, I think if you put that out there, man, put that out there, it's what you're going to get back, you know? | ||
| What you put out there in the universe. | ||
| It sounds completely corny and hippie and ridiculous. | ||
| But I think we all can do with absorbing a good community. | ||
| We all could do that on the internet. | ||
| And I think that's one of the big powers that the internet gives us. | ||
| It gives us the ability to form communities. | ||
| It gives us the ability to choose who you associate with and connect to people in a way that's never really been possible before. | ||
| Yeah, because that's the funny thing. | ||
| You probably get the message from the guy in Iceland somewhere where he's like the weird guy in the village and everybody else is looking at him like, what's your problem? | ||
| And now he has a chance to realize, shit, there are other people out there who actually can see the world the way I do and they... | ||
| On my message board and on Twitter, there's always people from Norway and Sweden and Iceland and all throughout Europe and all throughout. | ||
| I have people that post from China, from islands. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| The idea of Twitter, the idea of anybody from anywhere in the world, it's like... | ||
| Syncing up through this thing and then there's gonna be something after that. | ||
| It's gonna be they're gonna figure out some next step after Twitter where things are gonna get really strange. | ||
| I hope for one they pick a better name because it really just took me forever to get on Twitter because it wasn't like really do I want to get on something called Twitter now right now on I'll say I tweet it's like Jesus Christ they have some self-respect here yeah it sounds ridiculous they should have called it Conan then I would have respected it that would have been cool Today's episode is called Conan. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| We got a little silly today with Conan, I think. | ||
| I think we might have over-Conan people. | ||
| But when Conan enthusiasts get together, sparks fly. | ||
| That's what it is, man. | ||
| You never read any Robert D. Howard when you were a boy? | ||
| I read the comic. | ||
| I didn't read the books. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| You gotta get the books. | ||
| To this day, you'll enjoy it. | ||
| You're not gonna read a book. | ||
| Why am I even saying that to you? | ||
| When was the last time you read a book? | ||
| Actually, recently I started reading the Steve Jobs books, but I never finished it. | ||
| Yeah, you do do that. | ||
| You like to read biographies. | ||
| You read, like, Steve Martin's, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Also. | ||
| What did it say about Steve Jobs? | ||
| Was there any douchey shit about him? | ||
| I didn't finish it. | ||
| It was just kind of going through his, you know, everything. | ||
| It's stuff I already knew, stuff, for the most part. | ||
| There's a guy who sort of formed a little cult. | ||
| A cult of technology. | ||
| Pretty fucking slick. | ||
| I was a little fanboy. | ||
| I was a fucking fanboy. | ||
| Did you hear about the Steve Jobs doll? | ||
| I would get excited and watch his little speeches and shit. | ||
| We would bring out new laptops. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| Let's go with them. | ||
| Did you hear the controversy about the Steve Jobs doll? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| There's this Steve Jobs doll that was made in, I think, China. | ||
| And it looks so realistic. | ||
| And it comes with all these little things like, hey, this is for presentation. | ||
| So you can kind of play doll with them. | ||
| But Apple was like, you know, cease and desist. | ||
| And so now it's like on eBay. | ||
| Are they calling it a Steve Jobs doll? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'll show you a picture. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| It's really scary looking. | ||
| Because it looks just like him? | ||
| What if Steve Jobs' dolls became the new crucifix? | ||
| People worship them. | ||
| How did the fucking crucifix come about? | ||
| How did they start carrying around the one thing that killed Jesus? | ||
| What an unlikely choice. | ||
| And speaking of which, can you imagine, because up until not that long before, one of the choice form of that penalty was people being impaled. | ||
| So can you imagine if that was the case, people would have hanged around their neck, somebody with a spike sticking to a guy's ass, and that would That's how the originator or the original story that Draco was based on. | ||
| Vlad the Impaler. | ||
| He used to eat his lunch and there's photos of him, or not photos of him obviously, drawings rather, of him sitting at a banquet table while these people are on spikes writhing around him. | ||
| And that's how you would eat his dinner. | ||
| Speaking of human beings, but seriously, could you imagine somebody thinking, hmm, let me figure out how I can shove this giant pole at somebody's ass, but missing all the internal organs so I don't kill them, and then they go slowly, it's like, who the fuck think of that? | ||
| Horrible, man. | ||
| Just what a terrible way to die. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's hard to even wrap your head up. | ||
| And it took a long time for those people to die. | ||
| It took a long time. | ||
| Yeah, that was the goal. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| Yeah, and apparently the Vlad the Impaler story was a guy, he was particularly ruthless. | ||
| And one of the things, because he was outnumbered, so he set up a lot of these bodies outside the perimeter of his town just to scare the fuck out of anybody who would come near. | ||
| And it was more like, he was like back up against the wall and had to take some crazy chances. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And yeah, I mean, he became Dracula, so effective, right? | ||
| And then he started getting into it. | ||
| Yeah, can you imagine that, man? | ||
| They make a fucking monster movie about you hundreds of years after you're dead. | ||
| That's what an impact you had. | ||
| Yeah, that's when you know you're badass. | ||
| What a crazy asshole. | ||
| Yeah, seriously. | ||
| But yeah, can you imagine if that was instead the punishment in Jesus' times? | ||
| Now Christians today, rather than just, you know, crossing themselves and stuff, you just... | ||
| Mimic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You mimic the pole up the ass. | |
| That would be the thing you would do instead of the cross. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| People enter church. | ||
| Oh, could you imagine? | ||
| Oh, that would be so ridiculous. | ||
| I mean, it's just as ridiculous as nailing yourself to the fucking cross. | ||
| I mean, what are you doing? | ||
| You're making the points of the cross? | ||
| The cross, I mean, it's such a bizarre symbol. | ||
| Lenny Bruce said it best. | ||
| He's like, in a hundred years from now, it's like people walking around with electric chairs around their neck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I fucked up the joke. | ||
| I forget how he said it. | ||
| I forget his exact wording. | ||
| And then Bill Hicks had another one. | ||
| It's like, there's really variation on the joke. | ||
| He said it was like Jackie Onassis walking up to her with a rifle pendant on, thinking about John. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Really, kind of the same joke, but... | ||
| It really is true. | ||
| They killed him on that thing and people carried around. | ||
| How did that tradition get started? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Too much weed earlier. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| You don't remember? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't remember how that tradition got started? | ||
| How they started nailing people to the cross? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Nailing people to the cross. | ||
| How high did you get? | ||
| You got pretty high before the show, didn't you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got a little too high. | ||
| I go in and out. | ||
| The weed, that's rocket fuel, son. | ||
| That's high grade. | ||
| It's problematic. | ||
| It's a wave. | ||
| Sometimes it crushes you under it, and then you've got to get back up on your surfboard. | ||
| But I'm totally happy anyway, so it doesn't really matter. | ||
| Some moments I'm on, and that makes sense. | ||
| Some moments I'm like, Trailing somewhere. | ||
| As long as you're happy. | ||
| I'm happy. | ||
| That's what counts. | ||
| So how did they... | ||
| Why did people start carrying around a cross? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was one of those punishments, like impaling people. | ||
| The idea was, how can we make you suffer the worst possible in a very public way, where people go by and they will see you slowly dying there for three days. | ||
| And it goes back to this desire of rulers in certain states, and the Romans were... | ||
| Perfect example of these guys, but they weren't the only ones doing that, who got into it because it was a way to make a statement, which is don't fuck with us, because if you ever even think of rebelling against us, this is what's going to happen to you. | ||
| And every time you go down the street, you see somebody there and think about you being there, you may want to think about that plan of rebellion that you had. | ||
| How often were they crucifying people? | ||
| And, I mean, you don't have to do it that often to have any impact on people. | ||
| I don't think you need to see that many people crucified for it to stick in your head. | ||
| But you had cases like when the Spartacus Rebellion, where after the rebellion, they grabbed, like, thousands of slaves and nailed them one every so many hundred feet between Naples and Rome. | ||
| That's a long fucking way. | ||
| And the entire way, people on crosses. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's hardcore. | ||
| That is terrifying. | ||
| And how the fuck do people go from that to wearing one around your chain in diamonds? | ||
| How did you go from one of those P. Diddy, you know, big-ass bling-bling crosses? | ||
| What's up, Jesus? | ||
| What's up? | ||
| And that's, too, what I love about editing the scriptures, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like Jesus, don't like him, but the guy was very hardcore about economics. | ||
| You know, one of the things he says is, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of an idol than for a rich man to get into heaven. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I mean, Karl Marx doesn't go that far. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Jesus said that? | ||
| Yeah, it's like, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of an idol than for a rich man to get into heaven. | ||
| Goddamn, Jesus was dropping some poor man's science. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's probably a bit in that. | ||
| There's probably totally a bit in the crosses. | ||
| So explain to me again. | ||
| I'm going to write this down. | ||
| Where are the crosses? | ||
| How far did they last from? | ||
| Oh, the people who started it? | ||
| Ah, shit. | ||
| It wasn't Jewish time. | ||
| It was definitely Roman. | ||
| It was in Persia as well. | ||
| I want to say it started in Persia, but... | ||
| But the people that were pinned off in the cross... | ||
| Oh, how long they started on? | ||
| No, the road that you were talking about, there was like a thousand... | ||
| How many feet was it where people were on the cross? | ||
| It was between Naples and Rome. | ||
| How long is that? | ||
| How far is that? | ||
| Rome is central, Italy, Naples is south. | ||
| So it's a good chunk of... | ||
| It's definitely over 100 miles. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| So for 100 miles people were on stakes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably more. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa, whoa, whoa! | ||
| I forgot how many feet they separated. | ||
| For a hundred miles, people were strung up on crosses? | ||
| Well, they had some thousands of prisoners following defeating Spartacus. | ||
| They had literally thousands of them. | ||
| And so they decided to execute them all by, you know, sticking them all on crosses between Rome and Naples, where the whole thing went down, and make a very public statement about for other slave thinking of rebellion. | ||
| Between Naples and Rome. | ||
| That is cool. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Yeah, Nipples is... | ||
| Actually, it's more than that. | ||
| Because it's not an hour drive or something. | ||
| And that they went from that to a dude at the Emmys wearing, you know, big-ass fucking platinum cross with some nice diamonds on it, maybe white gold. | ||
| Yeah, and that's awesome, exactly. | ||
| You get all the super-rich thing honoring the dude who tells you that rich people will not... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, what the hell is... | |
| Or the big cross tattoo, that's another one. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, I get it. | ||
| I get what you're trying to do. | ||
| But if you've really thought about what the cross was used for... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I don't think anybody knows that. | ||
| I think very few people knew that there was a time in history where people were strung up on crosses for over 100 miles. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| How many actual total humans was that? | ||
| I think it was about 5,000, if I remember correctly. | ||
| It was in the thousands, that's for sure. | ||
| Well, I want to say five, but... | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, that's the Roman, you know, that's one of the things. | ||
| In Roman times, they had gazillion slaves and yet hardly ever any rebellion. | ||
| Well, you know why? | ||
| Because the one time when they do it, they get strung up on crosses for hundreds of miles. | ||
| And now they're power lines. | ||
| They were replaced with power lines. | ||
| The same visual of like these creepy, you know, things in the streets. | ||
| Power lines are not as creepy as crosses, Brian. | ||
| No, I mean, like those old ones, like those old ones where there's like a million wires all attached to this little pole. | ||
| Like I have one in the back of my house. | ||
| I just look at it every day. | ||
| I'm like, oh, that's not good. | ||
| Yeah, what about those? | ||
| You ever drive like into certain towns and they have these giant fucking enormous ones that they hum when you pass by them and they feed, you know, like towns that are like miles and miles away? | ||
| Those are, they can't, it can't be good living next to that, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's gotta be fucking with your system somehow or some form. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Have they ever proven that? | ||
| I don't know, but there's a lot of houses even in Burbank because Burbank still uses those power lines. | ||
| And there's like humongous ones and there are houses below it and you just kind of feel eerie. | ||
| It feels eerie being around that area because there's just humming above you like this humongous power. | ||
| Well, there's different ones like, you know, there's certain areas like really rural areas where you pass by big fucking giant ones. | ||
| I I don't understand much about the science behind providing electricity to cities, but there's obviously a lot of energy going through those goddamn things. | ||
| If your house is just sitting there, the thing is just right above you. | ||
| Is that fucking with some things that you can't see? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I should Google this. | ||
| I'm just talking about it. | ||
| What would I Google? | ||
| Power lines, cancer? | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| Cancer is always what you look for, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But yeah, that's the thing today that nobody knows. | ||
| It's like, hmm, we have gazillions of cases of cancer, but we don't know why. | ||
| And, you know, there are all these many, many, many things in our environment that are fucked up. | ||
| From the stuff we eat to the stuff, yeah, power lines, to all sorts of things that we don't really know to what degree they do or do not contribute, but... | ||
| The fact that MSG is even allowed to be used today just drives me crazy. | ||
| Isn't it delicious, though? | ||
| It is, but it's so unnecessary. | ||
| Is it bad for you or something? | ||
| It's proven to give you cancer. | ||
| And restaurants use it all the fucking time, though. | ||
| They don't tell you. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of like, hey, thanks. | ||
| You might want to say, hey, there's something in here that might cause cancer. | ||
| This guy's telling me that's why he smokes cigarettes. | ||
| Because the Chinese food ain't gonna kill you, bro. | ||
| Unless you're eating Chinese food all day, every day. | ||
| That monosodium glutamate. | ||
| Who do you know that you had a funeral for your friend? | ||
| Because monosodium glutamate. | ||
| My man was living large. | ||
| Everything was good. | ||
| But he had this Chinese food addiction. | ||
| He just could not kick. | ||
| Yeah, but who knows, though? | ||
| You've definitely known people that have died of cancer that have just not been linked to MSG. How do they know that? | ||
| Does it cause cancer in rats or something like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It's just proven. | ||
| Yeah, we're not rats. | ||
| I think rats can eat some shit that we can't eat. | ||
| We shouldn't really go by that. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| But yeah, I'm sure MSG is terrible for you. | ||
| I think it's just a flavor enhancer, right? | ||
| Isn't it like Accent or something like that? | ||
| There's a couple different brand names of it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because I worked in a restaurant when I was a kid. | ||
| I worked in like a Newport Creamery. | ||
| It was like a hamburger place. | ||
| I think we had MSG. This power line cancer thing. | ||
| I can't get a fucking straight answer. | ||
| Everybody wants to make you read things. | ||
| Just answer my bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up? | |
| In India, because of a study of 134 people with stomach cancer who are avid consumers of which food can contain MSG, the Federation of Hotel and Restaurant Owners in Eastern India has asked its members to refrain from using MSG. There's like a website called mstruth.org backslash cancer.htm and it's just all these reports of like where MSG is like, no, it's seriously not. | ||
| Why are we serving this? | ||
| Why are we allowed to do this? | ||
| But are you concerned with it, for real? | ||
| Well, I don't think it's necessary. | ||
| Here's the reason why. | ||
| There's a really good Thai place that's in Hollywood. | ||
| I don't want to say the place, but Palms. | ||
| But they use MSG. And then I had it once with MSG, and then the next time I returned there, I'm just looking at the menu going, Jesus Christ, they put MSG in their food, and they have it right here on the menu. | ||
| Just like, hey, by the way, we use MSG. So I go, can I have no MSG? And they're like, oh, yeah, sure, no problem. | ||
| And so I got the same shit I got last time. | ||
| It tasted exactly the same. | ||
| It was delicious. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| It wasn't like, oh, wow, there's definitely a night and day difference. | ||
| Maybe it's the government, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe they're trying to kill people by giving them MSG. MSG or allowing it. | |
| That's just weird that that's not a big... | ||
| I'm going to Google, is MSG good for you? | ||
| What if it turns out it's good for you? | ||
| Or maybe they told you that, sure, no problem, no MSG on this one. | ||
| Yeah, get the white guy, the regular. | ||
| Get him the same shit, you didn't die. | ||
| They're not going to take a chance by giving you a superior product by cutting it out. | ||
| Tastes good, shut up, eat it. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Is it really that bad for you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| MSG is good for you. | ||
| Okay, I'm reading something that says MSG is good for you. | ||
| An article on Forbes magazine argues that MSG, monosodium glutamate, may actually be good for the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Okay, hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Says the onion daily. | |
| The U.S. health nuts avoid it like the plague, but in many parts of Asia it sits on the table along with salt and pepper to enhance the flavor of meals. | ||
| Leading expert in MSG, senior scientist, company name blah blah blah, insists that the definitive link between MSG and headaches has yet to be proven. | ||
| Furthermore, his own research has shown that the hospital patients who have lost their appetite more likely eat their meals when sprinkled with MSG. This, he postulates, could help elderly and sick people improve their appetites, get nutrition they need, and live longer. | ||
| Or smoke weed. | ||
| Yeah, smoking weed would do better than MSG. But maybe smoking weed and MSG together is the motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Put some moth poop on that shit. | |
| Well, I remember it being a big deal. | ||
| I remember people were always saying, avoid MSG. It became a big deal out of nowhere, right? | ||
| It was something that people used. | ||
| It was like radon, kind of, I think. | ||
| One day they were like, oh shit, there was this news report saying that MSG is bad for you, and then it kind of blew up like radon did. | ||
| How did people get wacky rules as to what you can and can't eat in biblical days? | ||
| Like the clove and hoof thing with pork? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I mean, a lot of this stuff makes sense. | ||
| It's probably there are certain, you know, animals that are freaking dirty that are more likely to carry diseases. | ||
| People will still eat them and, well, these freaking diseases still get spread around. | ||
| So let's just say that God said that you shouldn't eat it and we're done with it. | ||
| Like trichinosis and shit like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| So, I mean, I'm sure it boiled down to real, factual things that people said, you know what, we need to make a hardcore rule because otherwise people don't respect it. | ||
| So let's make it that God said so and, you know, let's have everybody stick to it. | ||
| And then, of course, then they stop making sense when hundreds of years later or thousands of years later, the conditions are different, so they no longer, you know, the animals could be in cleaner conditions or whatever, but then the rule sticks around. | ||
| Some of them are really nuts, you know? | ||
| At a certain point in time, it isn't based on health anymore. | ||
| It's just based on this strange tradition. | ||
| Yeah, there's that, too. | ||
| And that you're guilty if you eat, like, the pig and the swine. | ||
| Like, that's the big thing about Muslims. | ||
| I don't eat swine, you know? | ||
| They'll tell you that, like... | ||
| I remember that was like a cool thing for rappers to say like back in the 90s. | ||
| They don't eat swine. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You don't eat swine. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| It's delicious, you asshole. | ||
| What are you, crazy? | ||
| You don't eat bacon? | ||
| Well, you're hard because you don't eat bacon. | ||
| What? | ||
| You know, it's just the idea that your religion would keep you from bacon. | ||
| That's all you need to know. | ||
| They're not looking out for you. | ||
| Do they keep you from barbecue pork as well? | ||
| We'll get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Your religion keeps you from spare ribs? | ||
| They're assholes. | ||
| They must be assholes. | ||
| If you go to Dr. Huggly Wuggly's in Van Nuys and have the spare ribs and tell me that that's not heavenly, that's not a gift of God. | ||
| There's a reason God made those ribs taste so goddamn good. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I'm down with your religion. | ||
| How did you put it? | ||
| It's like, if a religion doesn't let you eat bacon, they're not looking out for you. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| They're assholes. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| I think that we need to make a new religion. | ||
| Are you willing to put this together when you do your new book? | ||
| Are you going to construct a new religion? | ||
| The working title is Create Your Own Religion. | ||
| So you're going to pick out all the best stuff. | ||
| Yep, that's the idea. | ||
| Does it have to have any basis in any previous stories? | ||
| Or, I mean, how can it be substantiated? | ||
| Is there any, you know, like, could you use Scientology is what I mean? | ||
| No, I mean, it's not based on fate. | ||
| So it's based on, you know, what makes sense to you, what seems to work. | ||
| And then, you know, try it. | ||
| And if it doesn't work, change it. | ||
| But when you're including religions, are you allowed to include ones that we know somebody made up? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you can use Scientology. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I actually don't use Scientology because I feel like it's beyond. | |
| Why is it any different than what had happened with that one guy with the dragon suit that 20 million people died because he said he was Jesus' brother? | ||
| If Scientology was something that a greater number of people took extremely seriously, then I would say, sure, let's play with it. | ||
| I would agree with you if I hadn't met so many actors. | ||
| And I think that's why. | ||
| I haven't, and so it seemed like... | ||
| The world of acting, it's hugely popular. | ||
| It's hugely popular amongst successful people as well. | ||
| I think it gives them some sort of a framework in which to think and behave. | ||
| And a framework of positivity. | ||
| Everyone's seen that Tom Cruise indoctrination video where he was talking about a car accident. | ||
| Fucking scary. | ||
| If you haven't seen it, folks, you have to look it up. | ||
| If they haven't pulled it from the web, God, I hope they haven't pulled it. | ||
| Do you think they pulled that? | ||
| And you know that you're the only one who can... | ||
| Yeah, because you're a Scientologist. | ||
| And he's so fake, charismatic, and it's like, God, he's so good at it. | ||
| He would be an awesome cult leader. | ||
| He might have to do it, too. | ||
| He might have to step in, you know. | ||
| They have to also step him up because he's too little. | ||
| He's not high enough in the organization? | ||
| No, no, I mean literally in height. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, tall? | |
| He's a little dude and they have to pump him up a little. | ||
| You think so, man? | ||
| I think he's so charismatic. | ||
| You can get away with it. | ||
| Just make sure you keep him on a podium. | ||
| No one's even going to know. | ||
| But then again, everybody has always seen it on camera. | ||
| You can always make him look taller. | ||
| If you see this dude who's like... | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Maybe he's not that short, but I thought from what I heard that he's like... | ||
| He's probably not nearly as short as everybody says. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| Because they probably want to make him seem like more of a loser because he upsets them with how good he's doing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably, probably. | |
| I mean, come on. | ||
| When there's a guy like Tom Cruise that's been in how many goddamn blockbuster movies? | ||
| Over and over and over again. | ||
| Massive success over and over and over again. | ||
| You're going to look for flaws. | ||
| He's gay. | ||
| He's fucking short. | ||
| He's gay. | ||
| That's all you ever hear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's gay. | |
| He's short. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure there's an envy level of like, fuck you. | ||
| I want your life, so you must suck for some other reason. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder how much of an effect Scientology has on his success. | ||
| I wonder how much of what he pulled off he wouldn't have pulled off if he wasn't deep in the throes of some I think you're on your way to converting me. | ||
| It's sounding cooler and cooler by the second now. | ||
| Maybe, man. | ||
| Maybe it's the way to do it. | ||
| Maybe we need to all join a reasonable cult. | ||
| A cult that really has its shit together. | ||
| I bring up this over and over again and people think I'm fucking serious. | ||
| I want to be clear right now. | ||
| No, I'm not starting a cult for real. | ||
| Just fucking around, alright? | ||
| We're just bouncing ideas. | ||
| No, I'm not really going to set up a compound where people can show up. | ||
| Because if you did, man, this is the time of the world where if you did do that, you said, listen, we have 6,000 acres. | ||
| It's in Wyoming. | ||
| Anybody can sign up. | ||
| We do a background check on you. | ||
| If you're in, build a house. | ||
| Come on in. | ||
| And we start a town. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they would shut that down though, wouldn't you think? | ||
| My guess is... | ||
| If we did that, would you be willing to go and be our religious advisor? | ||
| I've always wanted to be the... | ||
| Keep everybody on the same page. | ||
| Do I get to crucify them if they don't? | ||
| No, you can't do that. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| We're going to try to avoid that. | ||
| What we're trying to do is just get a bunch of people together that we don't really know that much and just soothe them out of their current dogma. | ||
| Okay, I like that. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| So you'd be the guy that... | ||
| They can't argue with you. | ||
| You're having Sam Harris come up. | ||
| Let's have a final match in the cage between myself and Sam Harris and see who gets to get the top spot. | ||
| Sam Harris? | ||
| No, the guy. | ||
| Do you want to say Sam Harris? | ||
| Oh, Sam Harris. | ||
| Sorry, however the fuck his name is pronounced. | ||
| Sam Harris. | ||
| Sam Harris from Metroid. | ||
| Sam Harris is going to start his own cult. | ||
| He'll break off in his own direction. | ||
| His cult will be smarter than our cult. | ||
| I just read that he started training in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Yeah, he did. | ||
| I better get him for a while. | ||
| Well, not that long. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| In that case. | ||
| Taking private lessons. | ||
| He's going to come on, I think it's March 8th. | ||
| He's going to be on. | ||
| We're going to talk about it. | ||
| I should take him on while he's still learning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Before he gets too good. | ||
| What level is your game? | ||
| Are you a purple belt level? | ||
| What level is your game? | ||
| You know, my game is weird because I roll for the longest time not in formal classes, so my way is weird because I'm lacking some pieces of the game that you should learn when you're a fucking white belt, but then I have other... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like defense. | |
| Yes, I don't put my weight, I don't put enough pressure on top, I don't do some of the stuff that you're supposed to do that you learn as basics, but then at the same time I have like weird ass movements that I can tap people who are insanely better than me. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So it's kind of weird. | ||
| I can lose to really shitty people and I can beat really good people. | ||
| So it's hard to gauge it the same way. | ||
| Yeah, roughly give or take somewhere around there, somewhere around the purple belt range, but it's not regular. | ||
| You know, I'm better than a purple belt in some way and I'm way worse than others. | ||
| And so my game is a little weird that way. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| What style was it that you learned? | ||
| What was the first style? | ||
| I mean, as far as grappling goes... | ||
| No, I did play... | ||
| It was basically grappling with no geese. | ||
| And who did you learn from? | ||
| I started out with this guy, Tim Cartmel, who was one of the black belts from... | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| The guy who started Coppa Pacifica. | ||
| Cleber Luciano. | ||
| Cartmel was awesome. | ||
| I really liked his game. | ||
| Amazing grappler and he showed me some stuff and then a lot of the time I would just roll with people. | ||
| Somebody had their garage, they had their jujitsu guys come over and we would just roll. | ||
| So a lot of it was not drills and formal learning, a lot of it was learn by doing. | ||
| Which has its advantages and disadvantages, you know? | ||
| So I'm missing a lot of stuff that I should know. | ||
| But then I have other things that... | ||
| Like one thing I use to death are leg locks. | ||
| Leg locks are my game. | ||
| It's like I catch people who are... | ||
| Very dangerous, man. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| If you're not an ass and the people you're rolling with know what they are doing, you don't have to crank them like crazy. | ||
| You know, you catch somebody and then you... | ||
| In some cases when the guy is not tapping, I would just tell him. | ||
| I'm like, dude... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The scariest guy is Husamar Paul Hares for that reason. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He's terrifying. | ||
| He's seriously scary. | ||
| He's terrifying. | ||
| Even because he catches it. | ||
| I mean, he's in hardcore competition. | ||
| So if he doesn't do it, the guy's going to step up and pummel him. | ||
| But he just doesn't give you a chance to tap. | ||
| You barely have a chance. | ||
| You're screaming in agony. | ||
| He tears guys' knees apart. | ||
| He's terrifying. | ||
| He's so strong, too, when he jumps on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a really unusual, terrifying guy. | ||
| Like, there's a first terrifying guy that rips legs apart. | ||
| I can't remember a guy who's so consistent at doing that in high-level MMA. It's really kind of a rare characteristic. | ||
| That guy Imanari, the Japanese guy, he's one of the most... | ||
| Well, yeah, those two guys are like neck and neck for the best leg locks. | ||
| And even Nari is terrifying. | ||
| He's so good at wrapping guys up. | ||
| My God. | ||
| He's horrifying. | ||
| He's got also an amazing omoplata submission. | ||
| Called the Iminari, where you go, like, you have the shoulder lock, and then you grab an S-grip underneath the guy's face, and you lean back, and it just snaps his neck. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| It's a terrible thing, because his arm is twisted, and you're pulling his neck back. | ||
| It's nasty. | ||
| He's submitted a couple guys with that. | ||
| He gets it all the time now. | ||
| Imanet is one of those guys. | ||
| I like his style, but he does seem a bit of a dick because he cranks a mission. | ||
| He really is just... | ||
| He just trips your leg apart and he's just dancing around all happy. | ||
| Well, to finish guys off, you kind of have to... | ||
| One of the reasons why he's so good and so feared is because he does that. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| And then people will tap early the next time because they're in panic. | ||
| No, I mean, I get it. | ||
| It's an advantage. | ||
| Well, they're going to try to take his conscience away. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| His idea is they're going to punt his head. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a fucking hard game, man. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| That's why when this Rampage thing happened, and Rampage is upset at me, I'm like, look, he's doing a way harder gig than me. | ||
| No, of course. | ||
| What he's doing, he's a sensitive guy, and he's got literally one of the most difficult jobs to manage on Earth. | ||
| He's going to be irritable about shit. | ||
| I'm sorry if I pissed him off. | ||
| All I'm trying to do is assess things. | ||
| Martial arts and mixed martial arts fighting has got to be one of the hardest ways to make a living humanly possible. | ||
| Other than being a soldier, it's right up there. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| I mean, even psychologically, going into the game, knowing that somebody has spent the last year training just in order to rip you apart in a more effective fashion. | ||
| Especially when guys start getting super emotional, talking shit to each other, and they get in each other's faces at the weigh-ins. | ||
| You know, things get really... | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| I met, um, when I went to Vegas, I met, uh, I went because I was, uh, meeting Randy Couture. | ||
| And so I got to hang out with him a little bit and I never met him before. | ||
| And I was really blown away by the way you see him on TV is the same way you see him in reality. | ||
| And he's so Calm. | ||
| It's like the opposite of what you expect. | ||
| Like I kept asking him about fear, you know, going into it and being afraid. | ||
| And it was like a foreign concept to him. | ||
| It was like, I think he wrestled so much as a kid and got over the fear of performance, the anxiety, all of that as a kid, that as an adult, he just look at it as a problem to be solved and it's no big deal. | ||
| And it's another day at the office. | ||
| And I'm just like, How the fuck did you do that? | ||
| He's a fucking superhero. | ||
| It's like, how do you manage that? | ||
| I know, and he fought some of the toughest fighters in the world with that attitude. | ||
| I remember one time, I don't remember who it was that he fought. | ||
| Whether it was Tim Silvio, or maybe it was Brennan Vare. | ||
| I forget who it fought, but he was on the side of the octagon. | ||
| And I was looking over at him before the fight started. | ||
| He looked over at me and he winked. | ||
| And I'm like, this guy's so relaxed, he can just look at you and wink right before he goes to war. | ||
| He was just so calm about it. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why he was able to keep fighting, you know, into later ages. | ||
| He was so calm in there, preserved his energy, so efficient and experienced, you know, and that Greco-Roman man, the ability to control guys. | ||
| Apparently, everybody says that Randy Couture was one of the nastiest guys, like when he would grab ahold of the back of your neck. | ||
| The control was so nasty. | ||
| There's dudes that have different levels of control, and you really haven't felt it yet. | ||
| A lot of times, if you train with people that only have a certain level of skill, then all of a sudden you train with someone who has a very high level of skill, it's baffling to you. | ||
| You literally aren't even aware that someone could be so good. | ||
| It's staggering to you. | ||
| Apparently a lot of people's assessments of Randy's clinch that he would get a hold of. | ||
| That's why he was so good at dirty boxing guys. | ||
| Like when he fought Vitor Belfort. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, the first Vitor Belfort fight especially. | ||
| They fought three times, but the first one especially when he beat Vitor. | ||
| When Vitor was... | ||
| Not just undefeated, he was this fucking phenom. | ||
| He was tearing guys apart in the first round, and Randy stopped him. | ||
| And Randy, a lot of it was like that dirty boxing, man. | ||
| He was so good at it. | ||
| Just controlling the back of your head and pommeling you with shots and forcing you in the cage and taking the right angles. | ||
| That was the birth of Randy Couture. | ||
| Yeah, that was his third fight in UFC. He was like, how the... | ||
| Hell, do you go from zero to fighting Victor Belfort and kill a guy like that? | ||
| He's a fucking animal. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| And a great guy. | ||
| Nice guy to be around, you know? | ||
| Really nice guy to be around. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| I was really very impressed chatting with him. | ||
| I was like, man, this guy is as good as they say and better. | ||
| He's really a cool guy. | ||
| I'm excited because they asked me to write a book on his career. | ||
| I'm like, cool. | ||
| I... Who asked you to do this? | ||
| One of the guys that is, Joy Varner, he's one of the guys that, one of the trainers at Extreme Couture, and so he said, let's work on it together. | ||
| He wanted to do it, and then he liked my writing, so he said, hop in, and we'll write it, and do this thing about Randy. | ||
| Because he was saying, you know, most of the MMA books that are out there are autobiographies, which are cool. | ||
| But then in an autobiography, you can only go, you know, you can only hype it up so much because you sound like an ass if you're like, I'm this legendary fighter and all of that. | ||
| Whereas doing it as a third person with a lot of the voices from his opponents, Kind of like a Face in Ali type of thing where you get multiple perspectives. | ||
| It's a different way of telling the story. | ||
| That'll be a great documentary too, man. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And that's the plan, in fact, to do it as a book and then to shoot the interviews. | ||
| I was there for his very first fight. | ||
| I think it was 1997 or 98. It might have been 98. It was 97? | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And Tony Halma was this giant fucking pro wrestler dude. | ||
| And Randy Couture ducked under that dude's big punch, got him, took him down, and strangled his ass. | ||
| And I remember thinking, holy shit, look at that. | ||
| Like, that was the difference in, like, one guy was like this big, strong, sort of pro wrestler type character, but the other one had that stupid grappling strength that I remembered from some freaks in high school. | ||
| When I wrestled in high school, you know, when we were in, you know, a certain district, and I went to the, I think it was like the regionals, I forget what it was called. | ||
| But, you know, the guys who'd won, like, certain tournaments would advance to other tournaments. | ||
| And so I got to see, like, the state champion wrestlers, and I got to see, like, some of the really high, high-level wrestlers. | ||
| And I'll never forget, there's the way that really good wrestlers could manipulate guys, like, just toss them and throw them around. | ||
| I remember thinking, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Like, there's, like, just like anything else, there's guys out there that are taking it to a very extreme level. | ||
| Unless you go and see it, you don't know that that's possible. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So when I first saw Randy in the UFC and he took down that Tony Halma guy, that's immediately what it reminded me of. | ||
| Immediately what it reminded me of is the first time that I've ever seen real good amateur wrestlers and went, whoa! | ||
| Like, this is some shit to deal with right here. | ||
| Did you think he had a chance when he fought Vitor? | ||
| Because, I mean, he did beat Halma, but those guys were, you know, the first two guys he beat weren't that good caliber guys, and then when he stepped up to fight Vitor, did you feel like... | ||
| It was a big leap. | ||
| It was his third fight or his fourth fight? | ||
| Third fight. | ||
| Third fight. | ||
| Yeah, that's incredible. | ||
| That really is incredible, if you stop and think about that. | ||
| I don't think we knew what he was capable of, but it was really clear early on that his force of will was just too much. | ||
| Randy Couture had the most He showed me he still has a hole in his leg because the muscle died in that spot. | ||
| The muscle died. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| Pedro Hizo kicks you so hard, the muscles die forever in certain spots on your fucking leg. | ||
| So Randy Couture got through that and then rehabbed for six months and then they talked him into a rematch. | ||
| He didn't want to do the rematch. | ||
| He's like, I don't want to fight this fucking guy again. | ||
| So they give him a rematch and he beats him down again. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, well, I think he just knew there's no way I'm getting leg kicked this time. | ||
| It just became... | ||
| It didn't become a... | ||
| You know, I think when you fight certain guys, you start thinking, oh, I can take a leg kick or two. | ||
| And then you fight Pager Hizzo, you're like, oh, no, you can't. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| That guy, man, people don't even know. | ||
| One of the reasons why I have such a fetish for leg kicks... | ||
| People are always saying, Rogan, you're so fucking hung up on leg kicks. | ||
| You're queer for leg kicks. | ||
| They aren't. | ||
| It's because I've seen Pedro Hizo fight live. | ||
| And I've seen what's possible. | ||
| I know what's possible when guys are good, man. | ||
| Yeah, I definitely call for them too many. | ||
| But it's because they're awesome when they land. | ||
| No, they are scary. | ||
| So, if people want to buy your book, what's the best way to get a hold of it? | ||
| Through disinfo.com? | ||
| Either there or Amazon. | ||
| Amazon? | ||
| And it is the... | ||
| Fifty things, what does it say? | ||
| Fifty things you are not supposed to know a religion. | ||
| And Daniele Bolelli. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And if someone wants to get a hold of you on Twitter, what is the Twitter address? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I want to say it's at Dbolelli. | ||
| If you see a picture of a dude flipping you off holding a baby, that's me. | ||
| Yes, it's Dbolelli. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| B-O-L-E-L-L-I. Thanks for coming on again, man. | ||
| Always cool talking to you. | ||
| We'll have to do it again. | ||
| Yeah, I love it. | ||
| Think of some other fucked up part of the history of religion or something to harp on. | ||
| Let me give a shout to one of your fans. | ||
| There's this lady. | ||
| She's going through a lot of hard shit, and so I feel maybe make her date with her name on the one and only Joe Rogan podcast. | ||
| This lady, Angela Morado. | ||
| You're a cool human being. | ||
| You'll get through it. | ||
| Look at you, man. | ||
| Spreading positive. | ||
| Positive love and light through the podcast. | ||
| So what is her name again? | ||
| Angela Morado. | ||
| Angela Morado. | ||
| All right, Angela. | ||
| I hope you feel better. | ||
| Thanks for tuning in. | ||
| I hope you enjoyed this podcast. | ||
| I hope everybody enjoyed it. | ||
| Thanks to our sponsors. | ||
| Go to gerogan.net and click on the link for the fleshlight. | ||
| Enter in the code name Rogan. | ||
| Get 15% off. | ||
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| Yay! | ||
| I'll get you one, dude. | ||
| I'm going to get you one. | ||
| I know what I'm going to do tonight. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| And thank you to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, and go to JoeRogan.net. | ||
| Click on the AlphaBrain link and enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will get 10% off. | ||
| Not just the first order now for any future orders. | ||
| All right? | ||
| We love you guys. | ||
| Thanks for tuning in, and we will see you tomorrow. | ||
| Who's on tomorrow, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Hold on a second. | ||
| It's homegirl. | ||
| Amy Schumer! | ||
| Amy Schumer! | ||
| We've been trying to get her on for a while. | ||
| She's the hilarious chick from the Charlie Sheen roast who fucking killed it, dude. | ||
| Some of her lines, and she was going back and forth with Mike Tyson. | ||
| I hope we can play some of it. | ||
| I don't know if we can. | ||
| But either way, she's hilarious. | ||
| So she's on tomorrow. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Thanks, everybody. | ||
| Thanks for tuning in. | ||
| Thanks to all you fine folks out there in cyberspace. | ||
| And we'll see you in about 24 hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye-bye. |
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