Feb. 14, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:46:16
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Tell me when we're up. | ||
| We're up. | ||
| I gotta post it on Twitter. | ||
| So Tom, I went to the doctor. | ||
| What were we talking about before we stopped? | ||
| We were talking about rappers killing each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want to stop this subject real quick. | ||
| Because when that happened, in the 90s, when they started fucking shooting each other and coming out with gangster rap, there had never been anything like that. | ||
| Could you imagine if the Beach Boys, they fucking hated Elvis, they wanted to shoot him. | ||
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Taking off bitches? | ||
| And it was the first time where guys were ever able to brag about everything. | ||
| About their money, about their sexual conquest. | ||
| It's like they'd never been, you know, like Eddie Bravo was talking about that song the other day, She Swallowed It. | ||
| It's not a good song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She swallowed it. | |
| I mean, I don't like it. | ||
| You know, it's okay. | ||
| MC Ren had a decent verse on that. | ||
| Yes, MC Ren. | ||
| MC Ren was amazing. | ||
| What happened to that guy? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Yeah, I think they're working on the new N.W.A. movie right now. | ||
| A movie? | ||
| Yeah, they're redoing the whole N.W.A. movie and using family members. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who's going to play AIDS? Have they cast that yet? | |
| Have they cast that part? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, Tommy with the fucking zinger. | ||
| Who's going to play AIDS? Oh, shit. | ||
| No, you didn't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fucking incredible. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| He's like, give me that perm that he had. | ||
| I can nail this shit. | ||
| Do you think Jerry Curl will ever come back? | ||
| I hope not. | ||
| It's too much work, man. | ||
| He was like a poster child for the Jerry Curl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Ice Cube had a really fucking nice jerry curl. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| If you're going to get a jerry curl, that's how you should take that picture into your salon and say, make me look like this. | ||
| Was it Chris Rock's movie? | ||
| What was the movie? | ||
| CB4. CB4, where they sprayed jerry curl juice in their hair all the time. | ||
| What was jerry curl juice? | ||
| Was it just oil? | ||
| It was oil. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Coming to America? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Soul Glow, man. | ||
| Soul Glow. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Make my soul glow. | ||
| And it would get up off the chair and there was like a stain on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's gotta be true, right? | ||
| How did that ever become popular? | ||
| Look at hairstyles, man. | ||
| Hairstyles are insane. | ||
| But that's one of the weirdest ones ever. | ||
| You gotta put all that shit in your hair and make it greasy and drippy? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It ruins your clothes? | ||
| Black people had the afro. | ||
| That was like a statement. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| Then remember Fades? | ||
| And High Top Fades? | ||
| They can get away with anything. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid. | ||
| Even black girls, they have straight hair. | ||
| They have white girls' hair. | ||
| And you're like, how'd you get that? | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah. | ||
| Black dudes can't pull that off. | ||
| You know what I was really jealous of in middle school and high school? | ||
| Was when black guys had designs in their hair. | ||
| They had lines and shit would be written out. | ||
| Lightning bolts and shit. | ||
| Yeah, and I'd be like, I want to do that. | ||
| And they're like, you will look like a fucking asshole. | ||
| There's a fighter who is a black guy from some K-1 guy. | ||
| But he carves designs, like tribal designs in his hair before he fights. | ||
| It looks badass. | ||
| That's the thing, you get away with it. | ||
| But do you think a black guy can get away with wearing, like, a white guy's hair like a black girl does? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, that's hilarious. | ||
| Imagine if black dudes, if that was the next thing, they all started having Bon Jovi hair. | ||
| Yeah, oh, no. | ||
| They just all had Bon Jovi hair weaves. | ||
| Or what if it was just, like, parted? | ||
| Like, what if they just parted it like a good boy? | ||
| Yeah, like Ted Haggard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just were, like, cool about it. | ||
| You'd be like, what's going on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that would be so strange. | ||
| Isn't it strange, though, what becomes popular and not popular? | ||
| Girls are allowed to have... | ||
| Everything can be fake. | ||
| You can have fake tits. | ||
| You can have fake hair. | ||
| Nobody gives a shit. | ||
| As long as you look good, good. | ||
| Okay, let's go. | ||
| No guy is really... | ||
| Well, I mean, guys are. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| But it's acceptable for you to be pretty inauthentic. | ||
| We are held to such a lower standard. | ||
| Another thing that we get, for most guys, if you shower, you bathe regularly, and you basically change clothes, that's considered to take care of yourself. | ||
| You don't have to wear makeup. | ||
| You don't do anything. | ||
| Could you imagine, though, if you found out a dude was wearing blue contacts? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Girls would be like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? | ||
| I almost bought some fake contacts the other day just because I was that stoned, but it wasn't blue. | ||
| There's ones where you can get cat eyes, you can get completely black, and I just want to have a pair for no reason at all. | ||
| Do you remember Michael Jackson's Thriller when he had those? | ||
| Oh yeah, the cat eyes. | ||
| Yeah, the cat eyes. | ||
| Dude, they have those, and I guess they're pretty cheap. | ||
| They were like $89, and he just... | ||
| Put him in your eye. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| Wasn't that like the end of the movie? | ||
| He looks up and he's got the cat ass. | ||
| Thriller, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he turns back and then the... | ||
| That was a fucking... | ||
| What a great music video that was. | ||
| That was amazing. | ||
| That was an actual event. | ||
| That was like a world news event. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Yeah, it was huge. | ||
| That's when we had far less channels, too. | ||
| I can't imagine what the numbers were on just that video. | ||
| They must have been astronomical. | ||
| Yeah, they must have been through the fucking roof. | ||
| I think it's 13 minutes and that was like... | ||
| That was so cool. | ||
| For me, it was a werewolf, so I was even more excited. | ||
| And a cool one. | ||
| That was Rick Baker that did that, I believe. | ||
| I believe it was the same guy that did American Werewolf in London. | ||
| He did a lot of the Star Wars shit. | ||
| The coordinated dancing. | ||
| All the dancing was cool as shit. | ||
| What was the message behind that? | ||
| What a weird fucking video and movie. | ||
| I remember people were saying it was satanic. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| There was a bunch of protests about it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We were upset. | ||
| What a fucking fascinating guy. | ||
| Which is the best thing ever when you get controversy like that. | ||
| When someone says, this might be satanic. | ||
| That was when they were like, guys, fucking yes. | ||
| Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston are probably the two most talented people that died and everybody saw it coming. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| We talk about really uniquely talented people that everybody's like, man, how long is this going to last? | ||
| How long can you... | ||
| Do you remember the Bobby Brown show? | ||
| Being Bobby Brown? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When they were on the show screaming and yelling at each other? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I remember when they talked, they were at a dinner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucked up. | |
| They were fucked up on the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucked up. | |
| Not like buzzing, like fucking wrecked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Screaming at each other! | |
| And they were at a hotel and they had ordered like a feast. | ||
| And I mean, it was crazy how much food was on this table. | ||
| And they were both just fucking completely out of their minds. | ||
| Abliterated. | ||
| And laughing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then I forget who said, remember when I was taking that shit and you had to come over and help me pull it out my ass? | |
| And it was like, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think it was that he was saying that one time she had a shit stuck inside of her. | ||
| And he reached up in there and he's like, I pulled that dookie out. | ||
| And she's like, I gotta take a dump right now. | ||
| I'm gonna drop it on the one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, that was the scene you were like, I'm gonna drop it on the one? | |
| Yes, dude, yes. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| How will I know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How will I know? | |
| Come pull the shit out of my ass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember when I was taking a dump? | |
| You put your hand in my ass? | ||
| Do you remember when they interviewed her? | ||
| There was an interview where the guy was trying to get to what the fuck was up. | ||
| And he's like, is it cocaine? | ||
| Is it alcohol? | ||
| And she's like, at times. | ||
| At times. | ||
| At times, all of them. | ||
| Like, at times, all of them. | ||
| And he's like, you know, have you ever smoked crack? | ||
| And she's like, crack is whack! | ||
| She said, crack is whack! | ||
| I think that was to Diane Sawyer that she said that. | ||
| And he also said, it's rumored that you spent $750,000 one year on drugs. | ||
| And she said, I wish! | ||
| She said, I wish! | ||
| I'd still be on that ship right now. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be a good year. | |
| It was the strangest interview, man, to listen to a person who, you know, when you grew up, you know, the bodyguard. | ||
| Remember her with Kevin Costner? | ||
| She was such a talent. | ||
| Such a talent. | ||
| Such a superstar. | ||
| Oh, amazing. | ||
| If you watch, like, How Will I Know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the video, I mean, you see, she's so beautiful. | ||
| Have you ever heard when they isolate her lyrics? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| See, I don't know if you can play that. | ||
| Do you think we can play that? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Not at all? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Not like giving a little sample of it or something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's try. | ||
| Her range, the range in her voice. | ||
| It's just ridiculous. | ||
| It's really stunning to listen to. | ||
| It's just, look up How Will I Know Whitney Houston isolated lyrics. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Use two hands, you freak. | ||
| Type with one hand. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| Shit's taking forever. | ||
| You're just a bunch of chicken scratch on that screen. | ||
| Brian's going to confuse the fuck out of people. | ||
| Is there a way to take that video off your Ustream and put it on mine? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I could find out, but definitely do it on Vimeo, yeah. | ||
| People are mad at you, Brian. | ||
| This is another O'Brien moment. | ||
| They get excited. | ||
| People like it when you fuck up. | ||
| Do you notice that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| What is that about? | ||
| Makes it seem more real. | ||
| It's not edited and it's raw. | ||
| Yeah, people like a little conflict. | ||
| There's a dude who just sent me 19 tell Brian to shut the fuck up in a row. | ||
| Okay, that guy's blocked. | ||
| Oh, shit, kid. | ||
| Silly bitch. | ||
| It didn't come up. | ||
| Wait, here's one. | ||
| It's a strange thing to listen to, man. | ||
| You can give me a million years with all the coaches in the world. | ||
| They listen to that. | ||
| Yeah, listen to this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the one I dream of. | |
| Looks into my eyes. | ||
| Takes me to the clouds above. | ||
| Oh, I lose control. | ||
| Can't seem to God damn, she was good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| That's just a once-in-a-lifetime voice, man. | ||
| That's just a perfect voice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She had the perfect voice. | ||
| That bodyguard days? | ||
| She was hot as fuck. | ||
| Hot as fuck. | ||
| That was the first time ever there was a hot girl that a hot man was falling in love with. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That she's black. | ||
| And they did a major movie about it. | ||
| Have they ever done that before? | ||
| Where the hot black girl and the man get together? | ||
| Nobody even complained. | ||
| Now that's not the main storyline. | ||
| That would have to be the storyline. | ||
| She was such a fucking gigantic star as a singer that they were like, let's sing a movie with you. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just fucking, we'll roll the camera. | ||
| Say whatever you want. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We'll tie it all together. | ||
| You're working with Kevin Costner. | ||
| He'll carry you along. | ||
| She can act, too. | ||
| Acting is easy as fuck, man. | ||
| Acting ain't shit. | ||
| I mean, there's high-level acting, obviously, that none of us can do. | ||
| But the regular acting, like the bodyguard, yeah, you can do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anybody can do that. | |
| Anybody can do that. | ||
| Anybody can do that hard, man. | ||
| What'd you say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| My buddy Mike Starr was in that movie, too. | ||
| He got beat up by Kevin Costner. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, my buddy Mike Starr, we did a TV show a long time ago called... | ||
| Hardballed together. | ||
| It was that stupid baseball show. | ||
| It was a terrible show. | ||
| I made a bunch of good friends. | ||
| Mike Starr was one of them. | ||
| He got beat up in a bunch of movies. | ||
| He got beat up in a Steven Seagal movie. | ||
| Got real mad at Steven Seagal. | ||
| Steven Seagal was hitting him really hard. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wound up actually having to put a chest protector on. | ||
| Because the guy was not really supposed to hit him. | ||
| It was supposed to fake hit him. | ||
| It's for a fucking movie. | ||
| Steven Seagal would just light his chest up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Wham! | ||
| Hit him with that fucking wing chung punch in the middle of his chest. | ||
| He can't say shit to Steve really either. | ||
| He just does it, man. | ||
| He's known for doing that. | ||
| He's trying to make a fucking badass movie. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And unfortunately, when you try to make a badass movie, sometimes you've got to sacrifice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm going to kick you in the chest right now, man. | ||
| Get a fucking stomp dudes on occasion. | ||
| I mean, that was his attitude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Welcome to hell. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| He probably had a line after he kicked the shit out of Steve, which made it so much worse. | ||
| Like, you get kicked and then he's like... | ||
| That's what time it is. | ||
| Turns around or some shit. | ||
| That's what time it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, motherfucker. | |
| How did that happen? | ||
| Like the guy that was in the movie that always has the witty one-liner after he kicks you in the balls. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I think that became huge through Clint Eastwood. | ||
| I think he'd be the guy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Where the badass thing happens and then you go in close, you push in on the badass face and he's like, ask your mother what she thinks or whatever the fuck he says. | ||
| The Clint Eastwood Every Which Way But Loose movies were the first time that they really combined action and comedy together with a dude who wasn't a comedy guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it worked. | ||
| It works, man. | ||
| It works if you play it real. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Philo Beto. | ||
| It didn't try to be funny. | ||
| Fucking Clint Eastwood. | ||
| Dude, come on, man. | ||
| Every Which Way But Loose was awesome. | ||
| And that was back when Clint Eastwood was stuck with that one chick. | ||
| What was her name? | ||
| Sandra Locke? | ||
| I remember. | ||
| He did a million movies with this freak. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess, you know, that was just his girl. | ||
| And they did a bunch of movies together. | ||
| But as soon as they broke up, man, shit got ugly. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He got her, like, some development deal to get her to fuck away from him. | ||
| And, you know, she accused him of blocking every one of her projects. | ||
| Nobody wanted to do anything with her. | ||
| I wouldn't fuck with Clint, man. | ||
| She was suing the shit out of him. | ||
| It was just gross, man. | ||
| It was just... | ||
| When people, like, divorce and they do it publicly like that... | ||
| You lose so much respect for the more vocal member of the two. | ||
| And that was one of the things with her. | ||
| I automatically assumed, well, this bitch is crazy. | ||
| Look at her go. | ||
| And she never really worked again. | ||
| Sandra Locke disappeared. | ||
| She was in a ton of movies with Clint Eastwood. | ||
| But that was about it. | ||
| After that, she thought it was because he blackballed her. | ||
| But I think a lot of it was probably because people thought she was gross. | ||
| Like, ew, what are you doing to Clint? | ||
| Yeah, everybody. | ||
| Clint Eastwood, man. | ||
| You can't fuck over... | ||
| That's movie royalty. | ||
| Good, the bad, and the ugly. | ||
| Come on, leave him alone, you know? | ||
| What'd you do? | ||
| Can you imagine the stories that he has? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| Do you remember the one where he played the old racist... | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Was it the... | ||
| No, I know what you mean. | ||
| The car you're talking about? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| What was it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Continental. | |
| Old man on the couch? | ||
| Mustang. | ||
| It was real recently. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| The porch man. | ||
| Yeah, and they live next door to like a... | ||
| El Torino? | ||
| I think that was it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They live next door to like a Hmong family or something, right? | ||
| So there's all these like... | ||
| And he's like, it's an old time. | ||
| He's like, get your yellow ass off my lawn. | ||
| Like all this crazy shit. | ||
| And they asked him about like political correctness and he was like, I don't know what this shit's all about. | ||
| He was like, back in my day... | ||
| We would shoot a movie, and if the grip was from China, he was the Chinaman. | ||
| And that's just who you are. | ||
| And we would just laugh about it. | ||
| We could tell jokes to people about their race, and people wouldn't freak out. | ||
| Because people were giving them a lot of shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, people are super sensitive. | ||
| You're not even supposed to joke around about things. | ||
| Unless you are of a nationality that's a minor. | ||
| Or rather a... | ||
| What's the word I'm looking for? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh... | |
| Not minor. | ||
| Like a minority? | ||
| Minority. | ||
| Yeah, or if you're ethnic. | ||
| I'm a minor. | ||
| I'm thinking of a minority and I just stop at minor. | ||
| That's how tired I am. | ||
| I think that for a lot of people, they give minorities like, you know, black people can make fun of white people all day long. | ||
| But you're walking a fine line when you make fun of black people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I've seen you do some great black jokes, and I see people go, oh shit! | ||
| I see people that clench up and go, oh shit! | ||
| Because people worry. | ||
| People worry when a white guy makes fun of black people. | ||
| But black people can make fun of white people. | ||
| I've seen white people laugh at the lamest shit. | ||
| It's like a guilty laugh. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| It's this weird... | ||
| They do that fake white guy voice. | ||
| It's like a rip-off of the Richard Pryor white guy voice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Richard Pryor was like, it was a really unique thing we'd say. | ||
| It was. | ||
| You know, he'd say, you know, you can't fuck with white people. | ||
| You'd be like, hey man, your mama. | ||
| My mom's a great old gal. | ||
| You know, and he developed that sort of white guy voice and everybody sort of stole it. | ||
| They stole it and a lot of versions of it are terrible. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of like, come on man, white guys don't talk like that. | ||
| That's not how they talk. | ||
| Yeah, and a lot of them give horrible examples. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're like, that's not a thing. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| I mean, you can tell white people. | ||
| You can tell white people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's weird. | ||
| It's a weird gimme. | ||
| So for a lot of black guys, especially when they're first starting out in stand-up, that's the first thing they go to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And isn't that one of those things that you see and you go, oh, he's going there? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, of course. | ||
| Unless you see it done supremely well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There has to be a super good example for you to be pulling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if the observation is really astute and you're like, that's some insight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| You're picking apart something new or you're doing a version of it that I haven't heard, but everything else has been done, you know? | ||
| Will there always be minorities? | ||
| Do you think there's ever going to be a point where we're all just gray, like a mocha? | ||
| I think it would take that gross yellow-brown color. | ||
| That's happening. | ||
| Race is becoming really more mixed across the board. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
| Why are people attracted to blonde girls, then? | ||
| But we talked about this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| What I'm not attracted to is blonde eyelashes and blonde eyebrows. | ||
| I'm not attracted to blonde girls. | ||
| I'm attracted to blonde girls that do shit with their eyelashes and their eyebrows. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I don't like blonde. | ||
| I like blondes the most, man. | ||
| Isn't that funny, though? | ||
| That's a weird... | ||
| Or girls who don't do that. | ||
| Like, girls who have naturally brown eyebrows. | ||
| Yeah, that's where they usually are. | ||
| I gravitate towards blonde. | ||
| A lot of them don't, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You know what I don't like at all, though, is bleached. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's got to be like a natural... | ||
| I like all kinds of blonde. | ||
| I think a lot of times when you take a girl that's like brown hair or some weird color of brown, you make her blonde, she's always hotter. | ||
| You know, she's like nice bleached blonde. | ||
| You know what's really freaking me out, man? | ||
| The amount of people that are putting shit in their face. | ||
| The amount of people that are putting fillers in their face. | ||
| Yeah, like the implants. | ||
| It's becoming... | ||
| Well, they're not even cheek implants. | ||
| That's what I thought they were, too. | ||
| I thought they were... | ||
| Remember when Mickey Rourke did that? | ||
| Mickey Rourke lost his fucking marbles. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like in the 90s, I guess. | ||
| He had cheek implants. | ||
| Did he get implants? | ||
| Yes, he did. | ||
| Then he got him removed. | ||
| No, he had chick implants and he looked bizarre. | ||
| Yeah, bizarre now. | ||
| I think what happened was that's when he was boxing. | ||
| And when he had a pretty intense segment of his life where he just boxed and he boxed professionally, he got his fucking brains rattled, dude. | ||
| Oh, he looks like it too. | ||
| Yeah, and I think that changed him as a person. | ||
| You know, I think it made him, you know, this wacky eccentric. | ||
| Like, remember Gary Busey? | ||
| He was a regular dude, crashes his motorcycle, becomes this wacky eccentric. | ||
| Totally crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he used to be this really brilliant actor, really talented actor, like Mr. Joshua. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And fucking, what was that movie? | ||
| He's an exciting guy. | ||
| What movie was that? | ||
| We Burned Himself? | ||
| Yeah, I forget. | ||
| Bruce Willis movie? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Was that Pulp Fiction? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| No. | ||
| It wasn't? | ||
| Is that Gary Busey? | ||
| Yeah, Gary Busey. | ||
| He's not in Pulp Fiction, is he? | ||
| He's not? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| I hate when I don't know. | ||
| I think Rourke is from... | ||
| I think he's from Liberty City, Miami, too. | ||
| My point was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lethal Weapon? | |
| Was that what it was? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Gary Busey was in... | ||
| Was it Lethal Weapon? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| One of them. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was. | ||
| Yeah, it was Lethal Weapon. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Was he in Point Break? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| That was a good fucking movie. | ||
| That was a great movie, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Gary Boosie was a lethal weapon. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it was. | ||
| But what was I saying? | ||
| He was a regular dude, and head trauma transformed him. | ||
| And I think that's also what happened to Mickey Rourke. | ||
| He's a regular dude, and he got so crazy that he decided it would be a good idea to put plastic things inside his cheeks to make his cheeks bigger. | ||
| And nobody would know. | ||
| Have you ever seen the photos? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had them removed, and now he's just got this weird thing where just... | ||
| I think anyone that fucks with their face is going to look weird. | ||
| I don't know if Paul McCartney, because on the Grammys, his face, there was a lot going on there. | ||
| I think a lot of those dudes are just Botoxing it. | ||
| Botoxing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but still. | |
| They freeze their face so they can't move. | ||
| Like if you get mad at something, you can't move your forehead. | ||
| It's way better to be able to do that and look old. | ||
| It's so silly. | ||
| You don't look better. | ||
| You just look weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You look weird. | |
| Your face doesn't move. | ||
| Why isn't your face moving? | ||
| These girls on these Beverly Hills Housewives shows, there's a lot of these women that have fillers in their face. | ||
| And then on top of that, they have Botox. | ||
| So they have these shiny faces that are puffed up and they don't move. | ||
| And they look like masks. | ||
| I was high as fuck once. | ||
| I was in the green room with Joey Diaz. | ||
| Joey turns on the TV. And it was Joan Rivers. | ||
| And I just freaked out. | ||
| I just freaked out. | ||
| Because I was so baked. | ||
| And it hit me. | ||
| I looked at it. | ||
| And it really hit me what she's done. | ||
| And, you know, you just want to go, just tell her to stop. | ||
| Just tell her to stop doing that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just tell her. | ||
| And she's still doing it. | ||
| It doesn't make you look better. | ||
| It doesn't make you look better. | ||
| It makes you look crazy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's the weirdest thing ever, that frozen, puffy face. | ||
| You know, it's like they're injecting things into their face because when you get older, one of the first things that happens is your face starts to lose body fat. | ||
| That's why you get, like, sort of sunk in, wrinkly. | ||
| You lose. | ||
| So they're injecting things in there to puff it up. | ||
| Whoa, it's crazy looking, man. | ||
| She looks wild, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| It's a monster face! | ||
| That's why when I see these women, I call them monster faces, because you see them all the time. | ||
| And it's like, it really is just a mistake, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a mistake of, you shouldn't do it. | ||
| And it's out of, like, such a fear of, what would it look like all... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They don't want to look old, so they'd rather look... | ||
| Well, it's also you convince yourself that you could fix something. | ||
| Like, I got hair transplants, and I totally wish I'd never done it because I have this stupid scar in the back of my head now. | ||
| Otherwise, I would shave my head. | ||
| But I got it because I was convinced that I could fix something. | ||
| Like, my hair was falling out. | ||
| I was like, how do I fix this? | ||
| Is there a way to fix this? | ||
| You research ways to fix this. | ||
| You talk to the doctor. | ||
| I can fix it! | ||
| And they go, oh, he can fix it. | ||
| Like, okay, I'll just get it fixed. | ||
| But it doesn't fix. | ||
| It fixes it temporarily, but all the other hair falls out of it. | ||
| The way I describe it, I said it's like you're taking a bunch of healthy people and you're moving them to a neighborhood where everyone's dying. | ||
| So they take hair from the back of your head, they move it to the top of your head, and then all its neighbors just fucking wilt. | ||
| Callan has the exact same thing he was talking about on the podcast. | ||
| And he was saying that they can pretty much get rid of a lot of the scar nowadays. | ||
| Yeah, they can. | ||
| I'm actually having treatments. | ||
| They shoot things in your scar. | ||
| It makes it smaller. | ||
| It's like a cortisone or something. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck it is. | ||
| Something. | ||
| It's Botox. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| I've seen guys who have bad ones. | ||
| Mine's really thin. | ||
| It's a very thin scar, but it's long. | ||
| I've seen dudes who have big, fat, wide ones because their skin stretches out. | ||
| Wear some chains? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you think that I should have a lot of bling to distract? | ||
| Maybe I should have a giant Jesus on the cross. | ||
| It'd be a conversation piece. | ||
| That'd be nice, man. | ||
| Made out of diamonds, and no one will even know. | ||
| They'll go, what's going on with your head? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Get an eagle medallion. | ||
| Something big. | ||
| An eagle? | ||
| 3D. Maybe an eagle on the back of my head, bro. | ||
| American badass. | ||
| Now you're thinking. | ||
| With, like, his claws will have, like, the American flag in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't you find it weird that... | ||
| These colors don't run. | ||
| Don't you find it weird that capes never caught on? | ||
| Like, it seems like we should have capes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally weird. | |
| Like, really nice capes. | ||
| Yeah, I find it totally weird. | ||
| That's the fucked up thing. | ||
| It never came back. | ||
| We didn't wear capes in the 50s. | ||
| I think capes maybe back in the 1700s in castle times. | ||
| Well, I think we think of that because of Dracula, right? | ||
| But is that what they really wore? | ||
| I think it was cold as fuck back then and they hadn't really figured out jackets yet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These stupid fucks. | ||
| They would wear their clothes and they would have this giant thing that they would throw over them like a blanket that you run out of the house with. | ||
| If you wear a cape now, you better be able to back it up with some real shit. | ||
| That's a confident move. | ||
| What if it had tons of pockets for cell phones and money and wallets? | ||
| It was like a book bag that was a cape. | ||
| I just think you better be cool too. | ||
| It's a very purple ring of you. | ||
| I want you to be a really cool dude. | ||
| You gotta be a bad motherfucker for real. | ||
| When you walk away, you're like, yeah, that dude's pretty cool. | ||
| I'll take capes over that stupid shit that I saw today at the store where this guy, grown guy, probably our age, had a fucking wallet chain, but on it it had stuffed animals. | ||
| I think there were different kinds of Pokemon. | ||
| And then he had a fucking raccoon tail. | ||
| He had a raccoon tail? | ||
| Yeah, those stupid fake tails that people are wearing. | ||
| Wow, that's a sad man. | ||
| How old is this guy? | ||
| In his 30s? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| 35, 40? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| I just wanted to... | ||
| A cape is better than that. | ||
| A cape is a more powerful statement. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| The host of Fear Factor in Mexico had a cape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For real? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| When we were doing Fear Factor, they spun off a bunch of other Fear Factors. | ||
| And one of them they did in Mexico. | ||
| I don't even know if they fucking... | ||
| It was like an official... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| They might have just ganked it. | ||
| But they would copy our ideas and they would do them with no safety at all. | ||
| We had one where we had these people where they had to rescue a dummy out of a burning building. | ||
| And we put them in these crazy fire suits with a helmet on and we had dudes standing by with fire extinguishers. | ||
| When they did it on the Mexican show, they wore shorts. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| There were just people in shorts running through a fucking house that was burning. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it was ridiculous. | ||
| It was probably a regular house, too. | ||
| Ours was a fake house that the fire department uses for training in these things. | ||
| It doesn't burn down. | ||
| Theirs was covering murder. | ||
| That's one thing that's crazy about our country. | ||
| Our country and our culture is so engrossed in lawsuits and it operates on them and the fear of them that that actually makes things way safer. | ||
| You think about it, there's countries, not necessarily Mexico, but there's countries in the world where that is never an issue. | ||
| We want safety. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We want safety. | |
| We want to be able to do things safe, and we want to be able to sue people that don't look out for our safety. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But ultimately, somewhere along the line, we're becoming a bunch of pussies. | ||
| With the lawsuit thing, people like... | ||
| They look at it as a lottery. | ||
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| I mean, there's people that have legitimate concerns and legitimate claims. | ||
| There definitely are. | ||
| But then you read about these absolutely insane things that you pin on somebody else for things that you did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, everything is somebody else's responsibility. | ||
| Well, you know about the lady that spilled the McDonald's coffee on her? | ||
| That's so ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think they overturned that. | ||
| I think they actually overturned that. | ||
| And that's not even... | ||
| To hear some of the ones that people win in the amounts, you're like, why are you paying this person? | ||
| Have you heard about the Monsanto lawsuit? | ||
| They're guilty of chemically poisoning people in France. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| They chemically poisoned a French farmer. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's going to be a big suit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were found guilty. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know the exact story. | ||
| Apparently, it's the first such claim to ever reach French court. | ||
| And Monsanto, apparently they have some fucking pesticide. | ||
| There's another thing they found out that in 93% of pregnant women that they tested, they found this pesticide that exists in Monsanto genetically modified crops. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Yeah, uh-huh. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You know, our politicians sold us down a river. | ||
| They let all this shit go on because this is a giant company that makes a ton of money. | ||
| And the way they make the ton of money is they patent plants. | ||
| They genetically engineer them so that it's uniquely theirs. | ||
| And then they decide where they sell it. | ||
| They decide what price they have for it. | ||
| And you can't do anything about it. | ||
| And you have to buy new stuff every year. | ||
| And if it cross-pollinates with the neighbor, they can sue the neighbor for copyright infringement. | ||
| It's completely crazy. | ||
| They've figured out a way to copyright life. | ||
| And they've actually tried to do it with pig parts. | ||
| Monsanto's crazy. | ||
| They've tried to do it with a bunch of different shit. | ||
| But this should have never been able to get to this position. | ||
| This is the best evidence that the United States needs. | ||
| The best evidence. | ||
| Something like Monsanto. | ||
| The best evidence that our political system is completely corrupt. | ||
| Because if you were really looking out for people, there's no fucking way you would let a company make a bunch of shit Take plants. | ||
| Patent them. | ||
| Then sue people because the fucking... | ||
| The heir carries their pollen. | ||
| They cross-pollinate neighbor's plants. | ||
| And then this neighbor just... | ||
| You know where the fuck he got that shit from, you assholes. | ||
| You know, you're going to get to sue them? | ||
| And you're going to take a guy to court? | ||
| And there's... | ||
| In India, there's a whole bang fucking giant group of farmers that have been killing themselves because they get indebted to Monsanto and they can't afford to pay their bills. | ||
| Monsanto's like gangsters. | ||
| That's like mafia. | ||
| They will shut you down if you don't play ball. | ||
| Yeah, well this is crazy because you've got to think about how much political pull that they have and the fact that they still lost in court. | ||
| That says a lot. | ||
| You know, I think people are rising up and they're getting tired of this bullshit. | ||
| It's ridiculous what these people have allowed to take place. | ||
| And it doesn't have to continue along the same lines, you know? | ||
| What we really need is healthy food. | ||
| What we don't need is a bunch of fucking crazy shit where companies come along And genetically modify crops, and then they take those crops, and then they sell them to people with no evidence whatsoever about the long-term implications of the exposure to some of these chemicals. | ||
| And what is this going to do to the environment? | ||
| You're playing with God, man. | ||
| You're doing really crazy shit when you start altering life and then entering that. | ||
| I mean, this isn't as simple as... | ||
| You know, packaging a new kind of soap. | ||
| You're doing something pretty fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that people are going to be in their system. | ||
| There's not that much evidence or not that much history of genetically modified foods. | ||
| I mean, we need like 10, 20, 30 years to really analyze what the fuck it does, the environment, the people, and what's the chain reaction, you know? | ||
| What does the wings of the butterfly do from the modified food to, you know, how does it affect the ecosystem that all of a sudden it takes over? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| It's weird when you start fucking with life, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like, you know, I talked to this dude, he was talking about, I was just listening to the Opie and Anthony show, and what's his face was on? | ||
| Nicolas Cage, and he was talking about the black rhino going extinct this year. | ||
| And I was telling him to do this, and he was like, well, we could just bring it back, you know, if we would just fucking bring back the black rhino. | ||
| Oh, you mean like... | ||
| Can't they do that? | ||
| Yeah, can't they do that? | ||
| I mean, they're talking about doing that right now with woolly mammoths. | ||
| Yeah, but then it becomes the question of, okay, do we need rhinos, though? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do we really need rhinos at the point? | ||
| Woolly mammoths just to have a couple, like at zoos, I think would be awesome. | ||
| Did you see there's a video in Siberia of a bear walking across a stream with a fish in his mouth? | ||
| And it's really blurry. | ||
| And so people are like, it's a woolly mammoth in Siberia. | ||
| And then other people are going, or a bear with a fish in his mouth... | ||
| How come the woolly mammoth has a blue nose? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You stupid fucks. | ||
| Like, maybe there's a woolly mammoth. | ||
| There's a whole industry devoted to falsely seeing stuff, you know? | ||
| There's like, there's all, there's shows. | ||
| Like, full hour programs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, this is, we're going to talk about the shit that we saw. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it's just people telling you, I saw some shit. | ||
| And you're like, that's fucking bullshit, man. | ||
| You didn't see anything. | ||
| You know when I really learned that? | ||
| When I did that game show in my head show. | ||
| I did this show for CBS and what the show was, it was a game show with hidden cameras. | ||
| And the way it worked was, I was the host and I would have a dude with a little earpiece in it. | ||
| I would send him out to a place and the cameras were already in place. | ||
| Hidden cameras were in place. | ||
| I'd go, alright dude, you ready? | ||
| He'd go, yeah. | ||
| I'd go, here's the deal. | ||
| You're a reporter. | ||
| And you are there for the biggest story of your life. | ||
| There was a UFO over Hollywood. | ||
| And all these people saw it. | ||
| But by the time you got your camera there and got it set up, all the people went away. | ||
| So what you got to do is you got to find someone to get on camera with you and talk about their UFO experience. | ||
| And you got to get them to say that they were abducted and probed. | ||
| And the guy's like, okay, okay, okay, alright, here we go. | ||
| And it was immediate. | ||
| It was like no one said no. | ||
| He goes, listen, man, I'm a reporter for this and that. | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| There was just a UFO sighting. | ||
| Do you think I could get you to come on camera and say that you saw it? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| and then people would just start talking. | ||
| They were like, well, it was bright silver, and it was spinning over the hemisphere, and what happened was, and they would just give completely detailed accounts. | ||
| It's like at this point, people have been so poisoned by pop culture and by the idea of UFOs. | ||
| They can just recall. | ||
| They just have this frozen, fake idea in their head from 100 movies, and they can just, oh, yeah, I remember what happened in that movie. | ||
| Yeah, or there was lights and lights that spin around. | ||
| They've seen it a hundred times. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| They just lied. | ||
| Not only did they lie, they lied and were willing to sign a waiver saying that they lied and that we were going to show it on TV. It was nuts. | ||
| People love to lie about stories because they love to be the one to report. | ||
| There's a fascination with, like, you want to know what happened? | ||
| And you get to report. | ||
| Because everybody focuses on you, and they're like, what happened? | ||
| And so if you're willing to give them the goods, people are willing to listen. | ||
| And you get a charge out of being the one that told everybody. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| It's amazing that they're willing to just make it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just for that feeling. | ||
| I think people, there's a lot of people that live lives of such shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Their lives suck so bad that they almost believe what they're saying when they tell you some story about seeing Bigfoot. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was probably a bear, and it was 20 years ago, and they were scared, and it was dusk, and they were like, he made eye contact with me. | ||
| I'll tell you this right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
To the day I die, I swear on the eyes of my children, Yeah, that was a Sasquatch. | |
| And they fucking believe it, man, by the time 20 years have passed. | ||
| Yeah, they've added all kinds of shit, man. | ||
| That memory ain't even real anyway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I told them. | |
| I told them. | ||
| Your memories that you have from anything more than five years ago, what is that, really? | ||
| I mean, you might remember some really intense shit, but barely. | ||
| But barely, yeah. | ||
| But barely. | ||
| I mean, you could recall data and information, but how much of that memory can you really pull out? | ||
| I remember making up a story as a kid. | ||
| I remember making up a story as a kid and spinning it to people to the point where I would just tell people in detail for years, from fifth grade on. | ||
| And then one day I was like, I made this shit up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, I just completely made this up. | |
| I told a story to people about, because we lived in Minneapolis, they're like, how cold is it getting in Minneapolis? | ||
| And I was like, December 24th of 1989, it was 74 below zero. | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
| And I was like, it was so cold, my teacher's ears froze and they fell off. | ||
| And they were like, shut up. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| She's staying at a bus stop. | ||
| We're outside of Sacred Heart. | ||
| Bus came up. | ||
| She didn't have a hat on. | ||
| It was like the coldest thing ever. | ||
| She went to touch her left ear, and it fell off. | ||
| It was frozen. | ||
| And then when she went to grab her right, it fell off in her hand, and her ears fell off. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| And people were like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, that's what happened. | ||
| It was real. | ||
| And then one day I was just telling somebody, and they're like, this doesn't sound real. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, I think I made this shit up. | ||
| You forgot what you made up? | ||
| Yeah, I forgot that I made it up. | ||
| I made it up because I made it up for that feeling, but when you first discover the feeling, when you're 10 years old and you tell someone some wild shit and they go, what? | ||
| You're like, oh, that feels kind of good. | ||
| And so it was like a 10-year-old version of that that I told when I was 10, 11, 12, and then finally when I'm like 14, 15, I was like, I don't think I saw this actually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think I was 10 years old and I told you that my teacher's ears fell off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you think that's what happened with OJ? Oh, that his story is just... | |
| Became almost like indiscernible? | ||
| Like, maybe this is real? | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Do you think... | ||
| That is such a crazy reality that we had that figure in our lifetime. | ||
| That is a spectacular climb and fall. | ||
| That's almost unparalleled. | ||
| To be a Heisman Trophy winning top, top tier world class athlete and celebrity that parlayed it into this... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Awesome TV, movie career. | |
| Commercials. | ||
| I mean, he was... | ||
| That was like... | ||
| Dude, that is... | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Like, that's basically... | ||
| That's the top of the mountain when it comes to an athlete's career. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Athlete transitioning into celebrity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| That's the model to follow. | ||
| Like, it had to do it. | ||
| And then for that to be the guy... | ||
| Fucking just... | ||
| Butchered people. | ||
| Isn't it crazy? | ||
| Cut them up. | ||
| Just over some pussy. | ||
| And then wanted to steal back his shit. | ||
| That's my shit, man! | ||
| Let it go, son. | ||
| It's just a little bit of pussy. | ||
| And now he's locked up for another... | ||
| He beat the craziest... | ||
| The crime that we all know that's so crazy. | ||
| He beat that charge and went back for some dumb shit some dumb beyond dumb shit memorabilia taking his memorabilia back with a station was that what it was the pal station station man First on the UFC. | ||
| Oh really does what my that was my first Las Vegas game Really you played the pal station pal station Wow, that's locals, right? | ||
| Those are local casinos. | ||
| Locals and people from out of town that don't know any better. | ||
| Yeah, that's a place too where you... | ||
| Or people actually that like to gamble like to go to those places. | ||
| They just like to gamble because they have better odds. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| Yeah, because if you go to the Bellagio or one of the big casinos, MGM Grand or something like that, they kind of... | ||
| I think they're probably better at getting your money. | ||
| Yeah, that shit's mostly bullshit. | ||
| It seems like it's just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, we're here. | |
| Let's go spend some money. | ||
| That shit's real quick, man. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I've seen people lose hundreds of thousands of dollars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've been coming to Vegas. | ||
| I've been going to Vegas doing UFCs since 2001, 2002. That's when I started going to watch. | ||
| 2001, I started going right after 9-11. | ||
| I saw Tito Ortiz take on Vladimir Matyushenko. | ||
| That was right after September 11th. | ||
| You called that... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I was in the audience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Watching, yeah. | ||
| It didn't work for them back then. | ||
| I was just a fan. | ||
| And so from then to 2012, I've seen some people throw some crazy money away. | ||
| I bet, man. | ||
| It's just a weird place when you have one area where all the rules are different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One area. | ||
| Just one area. | ||
| One area we can fucking drink whenever you want. | ||
| One spot. | ||
| We got this spot and you can just fucking 6 o'clock in the morning and have a drink. | ||
| You don't ever have to leave your hotel, dude. | ||
| We got a giant hotel where you can wander around. | ||
| We have world class food here and everywhere you can gamble. | ||
| If they had a strip club in the major hotels, it would really be the perfect place. | ||
| A strip club and a pool hall. | ||
| You never have to go anywhere. | ||
| The strip club would be like a $100 million a year revenue generator. | ||
| It probably would. | ||
| But it would be too much. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| Too dark. | ||
| Too decadent. | ||
| Make people leave. | ||
| Make people go somewhere. | ||
| But there's places they have in Vegas that are the biggest strip clubs in the world. | ||
| They're enormous. | ||
| You know Macau, China? | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| It's a place in China? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's their Vegas. | ||
| That's their gambling. | ||
| That place, the Chinese place, does something like three or four times the money that Vegas does. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Like, it blows it away. | ||
| Is it because of volume or because they gamble more? | ||
| I would think it's a combination of the two. | ||
| Chinese gamble hard, dude. | ||
| I didn't know they build those places in Vegas. | ||
| A lot of them build it to the standards. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| For Asian. | ||
| For Feng Shui, yeah. | ||
| And the numbers of the floors are important. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And the way it's set up is important. | ||
| And there's things that aren't lucky. | ||
| They make sure that they do it in accordance with what Chinese people think is lucky. | ||
| MGM! MGM used to be... | ||
| You remember what the entrance of the MGM was when it opened? | ||
| What was it? | ||
| The main entrance was a lion's mouth. | ||
| You were walking into it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Oh, and it was bad luck for them, right? | ||
| And the Asians were like, no thanks. | ||
| And they're like, hold on a second. | ||
| We're going to take that shit down right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They got rid of the lion's mouth. | |
| That's right. | ||
| They don't want to walk through a lion's mouth. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's because in their country you can get eaten by a fucking tiger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just took that lion out of the MGM. Oh, the lion that was living in there? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I always thought that was the most depressing thing ever. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| And they attacked a trainer there once. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's this video of it. | ||
| Lion Attacks Trainer at MGM. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. | ||
| Pull that shit up. | ||
| See if we can find it. | ||
| Yeah, I think my favorite is the shark tank at Mandalay Bay. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's the most badass attraction. | ||
| That's a dope-ass aquarium setup. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have a huge tank filled with sharks, and they have these cool-ass jellyfish, and the jellyfish are all under these psychedelic neon lights, and they're floating around. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| That's a badass fish tank, man. | ||
| Jeez, this is a crazy video. | ||
| Dude, it's a bizarre video. | ||
| The MGM, the guys are in the tank with the... | ||
| Put your hand down so I can see. | ||
| The MGM guys are in the tank with giant male lions, man. | ||
| And for whatever reason, the lions are just like, bitch! | ||
| Here he gets up. | ||
| I don't know what happens. | ||
| He just finds the guy weak. | ||
| I bet they're just annoyed, man. | ||
| They're trapped in this fucking box with these little pink bitches that think that they can survive. | ||
| Why do you think you could stand next to a lion? | ||
| I don't care if you raise that thing with a bottle. | ||
| Look at the size of that. | ||
| Look, he just decides to jack the dude. | ||
| Look at that, man. | ||
| Just decides to fuck that dude up for no reason. | ||
| Then the female jumps in. | ||
| And even if they're playing, even if he's playing, it's like, whatever, man. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He just goes after that guy for no reason. | ||
| And that guy's like, oh shit. | ||
| And the other guy, for whatever reason, he's listening to the other guy. | ||
| So the other guy gets in between the two of them and the lion chases him. | ||
| The guy almost gets jacked. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How scary must that have been? | ||
| And people took that shit with their cell phones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Look at the size of his fucking head and all that crazy hair around him. | ||
| What a nutty animal, man. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I did not hear about this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, nobody died, but it was a freak moment. | ||
| And you know, they have that hair around their neck just so that other lions can't kill them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| That's what it's for. | ||
| I thought it was interesting that the girl lion was like, hey, stop. | ||
| You're biting a human. | ||
| Did you notice that? | ||
| She kind of jumped on them. | ||
| She might have been like, can I bite them too? | ||
| If shit got crazy, if some blood came out, she might have fucked them up too. | ||
| Because they're the hunters. | ||
| The females are the hunters. | ||
| Have you been following this whole thing with Judge Napitano that got fired from Fox Business? | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I didn't know anything about the Israeli connection that some people believe. | ||
| Pull that thing up. | ||
| Pull that video up so we can listen to it because it's not long. | ||
| And it's shocking. | ||
| Judge Napolitano, he had a show on Fox Business where he would really be super honest about stuff and really have an astute breakdown of how our political system really functions and how the American public has been lied to from the he had a show on Fox Business where he would really And the way he did it is by posing a bunch of questions. | ||
| What if this? | ||
| What if that? | ||
| And the way he does it, man, it's really – That's actually a different video that I was talking about. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| No, that's a different video, what you're talking about. | ||
| I'll find that. | ||
| This was the video that got him fired. | ||
| Fired? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He got fired the other day for this broadcast. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| The other video was on that as well. | ||
| I see the one that you just pulled up, but the other video was being touted as something that got him fired as well. | ||
| Apparently, they were going to fire him no matter what. | ||
| This was his go-out. | ||
| But listen to what he says. | ||
| ...process that validates an establishment that never meaningfully changes. | ||
| What if that establishment doesn't want and doesn't have the consent of the governed? | ||
| What if the two-party system was actually a mechanism used to limit so-called public opinion? | ||
| What if there were more than two sides to every issue, but the two parties wanted to box you into a corner, one of their corners? | ||
| What if there's no such thing as public opinion, because every thinking person has opinions that are uniquely his own? | ||
| What if what we call public opinion was just a manufactured narrative that makes it easier to convince people that if their views are different, then there's something wrong with that or there's something wrong with them? | ||
| What if the whole purpose of the Democratic and Republican parties was not to expand voters' choices, but to limit them? | ||
| What if the widely perceived differences between the two parties was just an illusion? | ||
| What if the heart of the government policy remains the same no matter who's in the White House? | ||
| What if the heart of government policy remains the same no matter what the people want? | ||
| What if those vaunted differences between Democrat and Republican were actually just minor disagreements? | ||
| What if both parties just want power and are willing to have young people fight meaningless wars in order to enhance that power? | ||
| What if both parties continue to fight the war on drugs just to give bureaucrats and cops bigger budgets and more jobs? | ||
| What if government policies didn't change when government leaders did? | ||
| What if no matter who won an election, government stayed the same? | ||
| What if government was really a revolving door for political hacks, bent on exploiting the people once they're in charge? | ||
| What if both parties supported welfare, war, debt, bailouts and big government? | ||
| What if the rhetoric that candidates displayed on the campaign trail was dumped after electoral victory? | ||
| What if Barack Obama campaigned as an anti-war, pro-civil liberties candidate and then waged senseless wars while assaulting your rights that the Constitution is supposed to protect? | ||
| What if George W. Bush campaigned on a platform of non-intervention and small government, and then waged a foreign policy of muscular military intervention and a domestic policy of vast government borrowing and growth? | ||
| What if Bill Clinton declared that the era of big government was over, but actually just convinced Republicans like Newt Gingrich that they can get what they want out of big government too? | ||
| What if the Republicans went along with it? | ||
| What if Ronald Reagan spent six years running for president, promising to shrink the government, but then the government grew while he was in the White House? | ||
| What if, notwithstanding Reagan's ideas and cheerfulness and libertarian rhetoric, there really was no Reagan revolution at all? | ||
| What if all this is happening again? | ||
| What if Rick Santorum is being embraced by voters who want small government, even though Senator Santorum voted for the Patriot Act, for an expansion of Medicare, and for raising the debt ceiling by trillions of dollars? | ||
| What if Mitt Romney is being embraced by voters who want anyone but Barack Obama, but they don't realize that Mitt Romney might as well be Barack Obama on everything from warfare to welfare? | ||
| What if Ron Paul is being ignored by the media, not because, as it claims, he's unappealing or unelectable, but because he doesn't fit into the pre-manufactured public opinion mold used by the establishment to pigeonhole the electorate and create the so-called narrative that drives media coverage of elections? | ||
| What if the biggest difference between most candidates was not substance, but style? | ||
| What if those stylistic differences were packaged as substantive ones to reinforce the illusion of a difference between Democrats and Republicans? | ||
| What if Mitt Romney wins and ends up continuing most of the same policies that Barack Obama promoted? | ||
| What if Barack Obama's policies too are merely extensions of those from George W. Bush? | ||
| What if a government that manipulated us could be fired? | ||
| What if a government that lacked the true and knowing consent of the governed could be dismissed? | ||
| Now he's getting crazy. | ||
| What if it were possible to have a real game changer? | ||
| What if we need a Ron Paul to preserve and protect our freedoms from the government? | ||
| That's what he got fired for. | ||
| What if we can make elections matter again? | ||
| What if we could do something about this? | ||
| From New York. | ||
| Defending freedom. | ||
| Every night of the week. | ||
| It's so depressing that we're really in a situation where this is the situation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| We're really stuck here? | ||
| This is where we're at. | ||
| 2012. Was that the final broadcast? | ||
| This guy's absolutely right. | ||
| I don't know if that was his final broadcast, but it was a very powerful one. | ||
| It is, yeah. | ||
| That is powerful stuff. | ||
| The other one that he talks about, he makes connections on 9-1-1 with Israeli, like how it's like, It's really weird to actually watch it. | ||
| What was their reason? | ||
| What did they announce was the reason for firing him? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't think they did. | ||
| I think, you know, look, people get fired for all sorts of different things all the time. | ||
| I'm not necessarily sure that he got fired because of that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's definitely something he went... | ||
| Pretty fucking... | ||
| And was this guy getting popular? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's popular. | ||
| It should be even more popular now. | ||
| The things that he said, they're going to take off on the internet. | ||
| That video is going to take off on the internet. | ||
| It already is, right? | ||
| What's the hits on it right now? | ||
| 444,000. | ||
| Yeah, and by the way, there's a gang of those. | ||
| It's not just that one. | ||
| There's a gang of those out there that's not just one person put it up on YouTube. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking powerful shit, man. | ||
| He's absolutely right, too. | ||
| I mean, how do you fire the government, though? | ||
| Let's look. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Something's going to happen though. | ||
| Something's happening, you know, and I think the government's recognizing it as well, you know. | ||
| This is going to be an adjustment. | ||
| There's going to be something... | ||
| There has to be. | ||
| Because otherwise it's a dictatorship. | ||
| You know, at a certain point in time when you're really not doing the will of the people at all, and you really are suppressing the people, and you really are taking away liberties, you're really trying to turn us into a fucking crazy dictatorship. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's really not much different than that. | ||
| I don't know how anybody views this shit without being cynical after you... | ||
| After Obama. | ||
| Well, just after you turn a certain age, I feel like it all, I really do feel like it all doesn't matter, whoever you vote for, that nothing is really going to be different. | ||
| You start hearing that when the speeches start coming about, it's time to change Hollywood. | ||
| I'm a Washington outsider, and I'm about to go in there. | ||
| We're going to change shit up now. | ||
| That's the one where you're like, that's not going to happen, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| After a certain age, you realize it's not going to happen. | ||
| Well, you realize they're not telling you the truth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If Obama wanted to say some really radical things, he could have already said it. | ||
| And you know, Chris Rock really did this really fascinating interview recently where he said that he thinks that Obama's going to wait until his second term, and then he's going to do some crazy shit. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| God, you know, that sounds like your wishful thinking. | ||
| You know, that sounds to me like, have you paid attention to what he has done? | ||
| Almost irreversible damage. | ||
| That National Defense Authorization Act that treats the United States like a battlefield and allows indefinite suspension or detention of American civilians with no warrant? | ||
| That's insanity. | ||
| You don't need that. | ||
| We're not falling apart. | ||
| We don't have violence in the streets every day. | ||
| We're not in the middle of an Arab Spring situation. | ||
| We don't have nuclear bombs dropping on our city. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing instigating or pushing forward those kinds of laws and legislation? | ||
| The number one thing that we're supposed to be about is the pursuit of liberty. | ||
| It's supposed to be liberty and justice for all. | ||
| That's how it ends, right? | ||
| With liberty and justice for all. | ||
| That's what we want. | ||
| And you're taking away liberty. | ||
| For what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For what? | |
| Is it you giving us extra justice? | ||
| Is that what you... | ||
| No. | ||
| It's bullshit, is what it is. | ||
| It's 100% bullshit. | ||
| It's not representative of the people. | ||
| It's sad, and it's got to change. | ||
| Just how does it change? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It scares the shit out of everybody, right? | ||
| Absolutely, yeah. | ||
| That judge is on Twitter under Judge Knapp in AP. Oh, really? | ||
| Maybe get him on an upcoming podcast. | ||
| Do you think so? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| He'd even talk to us? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| He'd probably lock us in jail. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| Judge Knapp. | ||
| He uses a good pomade. | ||
| What's his full name? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Judge Napolitano. | ||
| Yeah, I call him Nappy Tano because he has a nappy tan. | ||
| I'm following him now. | ||
| He's only got 55,000 followers. | ||
| Freedom Watch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cancel that shit. | ||
| Him and Alex Jones. | ||
| We need to get Alex Jones on this podcast also sometime. | ||
| Yeah, Alex is going to do it. | ||
| He'll do it when he's in LA again. | ||
| And Alex is fucking crazy. | ||
| If you have Alex on our podcast, you'll get a view as to what's up. | ||
| He's right about a lot of shit, man. | ||
| I mean, he's a soldier. | ||
| He's out there fucking beating the bushes. | ||
| See the daily show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a daily thing, right? | |
| See the daily show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He has a whole studio. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| His studio is pretty fucking impressive. | ||
| His show is huge. | ||
| It's enormous. | ||
| There's a lot of people who listen to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's all doom and gloom, though, man. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen clips of him. | ||
| Doom and gloom. | ||
| The best show we ever had was the time when Joey Diaz took over. | ||
| I remember that day. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| We've talked about it too many times on the podcast to rehash it, but it was one of the most glorious things I've ever seen. | ||
| Have you ever been the type of person that when you drive around and you see a hot chick, you'll wink at them or give them kissy faces or anything? | ||
| No. | ||
| Lately I've been doing it more. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just because I realized... | ||
| Because I realize you pretty much can do that and you'll never see that person ever again. | ||
| They'll never know who you are. | ||
| Yeah, but you're putting out a creeper feel. | ||
| No, but I don't do creepy ones. | ||
| I'd just be making silly faces at them. | ||
| Oh, God, that's even worse. | ||
| They don't even know you and you're making silly faces? | ||
| It's just funny seeing people's reactions. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| There's a lot of fear that you're generating. | ||
| Yeah, you're putting out some bad huju out there, bro. | ||
| It's mostly laughter. | ||
| Mostly laughter. | ||
| They'll laugh? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| Yeah, it's just like they look over like, what the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck's going on over here? | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| So you just decided to be a creep at this age? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know why I started. | ||
| I think it's because I saw somebody do it to somebody else once and I was like, that's hilarious. | ||
| That person just made that person laugh and then drove off and never to see that person again. | ||
| Have you ever been around the one guy who can't not hit on a chick? | ||
| You know that guy? | ||
| Who you're hanging out with him and you can't even hang out with him because they'll just abandon you for a chick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember when I was in an apartment in Hollywood when I was like 21, 22, and had some friends come out, and one of the guys was that guy who just can't stop. | ||
| So when I went to bed, I had my bedroom, we had like three friends in the living room and one girl. | ||
| We had all gone to school together. | ||
| And I offered her, I was like, you can sleep in my bed, not in a creep way, but you can do that. | ||
| But like, I'll fuck you. | ||
| Like, I'm going to try, but I'm not going to make it like... | ||
| So, anyways, she was like, nah, I'm good. | ||
| I'll sleep out here. | ||
| And I was like, alright. | ||
| Like, you know, fine. | ||
| And then, like, five minutes later, I got, like, a knock on the door. | ||
| And I was like, what's up? | ||
| And she's there, and she was like, yeah, he just tried to lick my neck when I went to sleep. | ||
| And I was like, you want to sleep in here now? | ||
| She was like, yeah. | ||
| And I was like, okay, that's cool. | ||
| And I wasn't a creep, though. | ||
| You didn't try to fuck her? | ||
| Did you try to spoon her at all? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Ooh, spooning's nice. | ||
| I think I got the, like, You got a SWAT? I think so. | ||
| She SWATed you like, get off me? | ||
| It definitely didn't happen. | ||
| Wow, she came for comfort and then you just... | ||
| No, I didn't molest her. | ||
| Did she cuddle with you at all? | ||
| No, I think it was very much like... | ||
| Because when somebody just is leaving, she was just leaving, that shit was really uncomfortable. | ||
| I wasn't going to be like, let me extend that feeling for you. | ||
| But you try to settle into a new level of comfort and then creep slowly towards the darkness. | ||
| Honestly, I can tell you this, man. | ||
| There's a lot of times when I was single that I didn't pursue that stuff because I was too tired. | ||
| Because you're too tired. | ||
| I would just go to sleep. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Why are you so tired? | ||
| No, I mean, like, when it was late at night, like, I was the... | ||
| And there's a hot chick with you. | ||
| I'd be like, yeah, I'm gonna go to sleep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, not like... | ||
| You ever got your thyroid checked out? | ||
| No, but I'm saying that alcohol, alcohol... | ||
| Oh, alcohol. | ||
| Yeah, your B12. Yeah, alcohol... | ||
| Not sober. | ||
| Yeah, there's nothing sadder than having a whiskey dick. | ||
| Friday, Saturday night, I'd be like, I'd make a totally potential college thing. | ||
| I'd be like, I think I'm going to go to sleep right now. | ||
| That sounds like the best thing. | ||
| I just got my thyroid checked. | ||
| I just got a physical using the same doctor as Tommy. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Why don't you yeah that? | ||
| Because he's the fucking best doctor. | ||
| The doctor's awesome. | ||
| Oh, I thought you were yelling about Brian getting a physical. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Yeah! | ||
| I love medical shit. | ||
| Did he check your asshole out? | ||
| Because he didn't... | ||
| He skipped my asshole. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| I mean, I cleaned it for hours, you know? | ||
| For hours? | ||
| Was it a toothbrush? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| No, I did one of those things that scratch your asshole. | ||
| Scratch it like a maxi pad? | ||
| No, those lupas. | ||
| A lufa sponge? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| You lufa'd it? | ||
| Lufa'd. | ||
| I lufa'd my asshole. | ||
| I scratched it all up. | ||
| What about the inside? | ||
| That's the important part. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I didn't do anything. | ||
| But I did test... | ||
| When I was in the shower, I was testing like, all right, this is what it's kind of going to be like... | ||
| No, you put a finger on your ass. | ||
| So what are they looking for? | ||
| Bumps? | ||
| Well, they didn't do it. | ||
| He didn't do it. | ||
| What are they reaching in? | ||
| Yeah, I think a bump. | ||
| See, I was most concerned about my asshole, too. | ||
| So I'm really kind of upset that he didn't. | ||
| Why were you most concerned about it? | ||
| Because I think that's where the most death would be from. | ||
| Most death? | ||
| Would be from asshole stuff. | ||
| But you smoked cigarettes. | ||
| Wouldn't you worry about lungs? | ||
| No, but I just... | ||
| You worry about your eyes. | ||
| I have weird ass issues. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| We've talked about that. | ||
| But he did feel my balls up, which was weird. | ||
| He's just rolling them in his hand. | ||
| He goes, yep, that's fine. | ||
| Did you think that maybe if he jerked you off, you could come? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| My dick is so small when it gets checked, when I get the ball checked. | ||
| But I almost want to point it out. | ||
| I almost want to be like, every time I get a physical, I want to be like, you should see it some other time. | ||
| It's a little better than that. | ||
| When he checked my cock, he did the thing where he had to pull it out. | ||
| Kind of like one of those old hippie guitar strings where you hold the thing. | ||
| He pulled it out and looked at it. | ||
| Then he took all these blood tests. | ||
| He's testing me for everything. | ||
| Then he's like, so you want to do all STDs? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, might as well. | ||
| I'm dating a porn star. | ||
| He goes, oh, you are? | ||
| He goes, all right, we can do that. | ||
| Brian just offers it on me to talk to him. | ||
| Well, you know how it is when you're dating a porn star. | ||
| Well, he said, he's like, well, you should be fine because they get tested every 20 days. | ||
| And I'm like, yep, that's exactly a bit in my act. | ||
| And he's like, oh, you mooch off her test. | ||
| And I'm like, yep, exactly. | ||
| He's a funny doctor. | ||
| This guy's really good. | ||
| And he said, tell Tom, you know, start sending some hot chicks. | ||
| And I said... | ||
| And I said something really... | ||
| Let's not say his name on the air, because that might be a bit unethical. | ||
| No, but when we were in the waiting room, I just paid and everything like that, and I'm about to walk out, and he goes, well, it's good seeing you, Brian. | ||
| Tell Tom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I said hi. | |
| And I'm like, okay, I'm sorry I'm not hot for you, or something like that. | ||
| And it came out when everyone in the room was like, what the fuck? | ||
| And then I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm not pretty enough. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God, get out of here. | |
| An old Brian moment at the doctor's. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| Everybody in that room probably had no idea what was going on. | ||
| So what did he say about your lungs and cigarettes and stuff like that? | ||
| He said everything was perfect. | ||
| That was good. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Now they're doing the blood test. | ||
| I would like to second that evaluation. | ||
| What do they check when they check your lungs? | ||
| They make you... | ||
| For cancer and that's it? | ||
| They just make you do huge deep breaths while they listen all up and down your chest and your back. | ||
| How long does it take for you to die from cigarettes? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It really matters, I think, if you have cancer in your family, and I don't have cancer in my family. | ||
| Some people, like, genetically just don't get it? | ||
| I think so, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, there's always stories, right? | ||
| Oh, I know a friend's grandparents who lived into their 90s and smoked and drank and ate red meat, and they just died. | ||
| They didn't die of cancer. | ||
| They died of old age. | ||
| Well, they had a good time. | ||
| That's why they were smiling. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I'm loving it, man. | ||
| Drinking every day. | ||
| There was something that I read once, I don't know if it's documented, but that 100% of all people that live to be over 100 eat red meat. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's never been a documented case of a vegetarian that lives to be over 100. That could be total horseshit. | ||
| You fucking crazy vegans, don't you text me about this. | ||
| Don't you tweet me. | ||
| Vegans are the quickest to the fucking tweet. | ||
| The angry tweet. | ||
| The angry dietary tweet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They are. | ||
| And they're quick as the diarrhea, too. | ||
| Quick as the diarrhea? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| A lot of fiber involved. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| You're going to be really shitting with that vegan diet. | ||
| I love a fucking good vegan meal, though. | ||
| I love vegetable meals. | ||
| I drink that kale shake every day. | ||
| That's fantastic for you, man. | ||
| I have a kale salad a few times a week from a place nearby. | ||
| It's hard to get grass-fed meat these days, man. | ||
| Apparently all of it's getting consumed up in Northern California. | ||
| All the hippies up there love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| All natural grass meat, yeah. | ||
| It's way better for you. | ||
| You just go to Whole Foods and you don't have it? | ||
| No, they're out of it a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because up north, look, there's only a certain amount of people that are growing grass-fed meat, and it's become super popular lately. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So all these, you know, it's more popular in Berkeley and San Francisco, I'm sure, than down here in Retardville. | ||
| They can sell all their cows up there. | ||
| Why ship them all the way down to Los Angeles? | ||
| They're having an issue. | ||
| Last Tuesday, the Whole Foods near me didn't even get a ship in a grass-fed meat. | ||
| I have to go there on Tuesday to get the meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| That's the only time they have it. | ||
| You taste the difference? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It's a totally different meat. | ||
| It's a totally different animal. | ||
| Because the cow that is raised on corn, they're fat fucks. | ||
| They're marbled and it's really delicious. | ||
| It's really, really fucking yummy. | ||
| Because all that fat gets like a ribeye from a corn. | ||
| Corn-raised cow is great because it's so juicy, but it's not quite as healthy for you. | ||
| And it doesn't taste the same. | ||
| When you get a grass-fed ribeye, there's much less marbling, and you've got to cook it quicker because it'll dry out. | ||
| There's much less fat in it. | ||
| So you sort of sear it. | ||
| You're getting a better piece you need, though. | ||
| God damn, it's good, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| It's totally different. | ||
| It's almost like a gamey animal. | ||
| Not gamey. | ||
| It tastes better. | ||
| It tastes like you're eating a healthy animal. | ||
| There's some steaks I've had where I'm like, oh man, you can feel your body kind of slowing down. | ||
| Grass-fed beef, though, is supposed to be way healthier for you, too. | ||
| It's something about the actual animal being healthy. | ||
| I know a lot of fighters have switched to grass-fed meat recently. | ||
| My buddy Einstein, who listens to this all the time, is one of Eddie's black belts, said his performance really started increasing when he upped his greens and unchanged to all grass-fed meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It's a big difference. | ||
| Yeah, it's just healthier. | ||
| It just makes sense that your body would respond better if you're eating healthier animals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It does make sense. | ||
| We're fucking up, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're fucking up our goddamn... | ||
| And eat your veggies and fruits. | ||
| We're fucking up our goddamn Monsanto fruits and vegetables. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| Fat-fucked cows and our farm-grown fish because all the fish in the ocean are dead. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You know, they said that the next hundred years is going to be the last wild fish in the world. | ||
| And within the next hundred years, there will be no more wild fish in the oceans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yep. | ||
| We'll have outfished the entire ocean. | ||
| We use a melody company to also say that. | ||
| No, they think about it from an exponential growth point of view, that there'll be more people in 100 years. | ||
| Think about 100 years ago, there was only like a billion people on the planet. | ||
| Now there's 7 billion. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| What's it going to be 100 years from now? | ||
| Is it going to be 30 billion? | ||
| Where are they going to get all their protein from? | ||
| A lot of it's going to be fish. | ||
| It's easy to catch. | ||
| They're going to fucking just troll everything. | ||
| They're going to suck all that fucking fish out of there. | ||
| They're going to eat whales. | ||
| They're going to do everything they can eat. | ||
| Everything that humans can consume. | ||
| And then a hundred years from now, we're going to have to figure it out. | ||
| It'll just be an empty ocean. | ||
| That would be crazy. | ||
| That would be crazy. | ||
| Could you imagine if we actually kill everything in the ocean within a thousand years? | ||
| That'd be amazing. | ||
| If people lived to be a thousand years, why is that outside the realm of possibility? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was something I tweeted earlier today about the garbage patch. | ||
| Some lady went to the garbage patch that's in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. | ||
| For folks who don't know, bigger than Texas. | ||
| There's a giant hunk of garbage, all plastic, that's kind of caught together in this one swarm. | ||
| It's caught up, I guess, in the way the tides go. | ||
| There's one area where it's collected, where it's enormous. | ||
| It's bigger than the state of Texas, which takes more than a day to drive through. | ||
| So that's how much garbage is out there. | ||
| And it's just getting bigger. | ||
| It's going to keep getting bigger. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that a homeless person's heaven? | ||
| You think they all talk about it as if it's like Disney World? | ||
| Magic going there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Magic going there. | |
| You never only had a plastic. | ||
| I think the plastic breaks down though. | ||
| I think that's part of the issue is that the salt water breaks it down to like jelly, like little particles. | ||
| And it's really fucked. | ||
| It's not like just like stuff floating that you can scoop up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It becomes like almost liquid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fucked up, man. | ||
| It's like we're so creepy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Think about what we do. | ||
| We kill all the rhinos, we fuck the ocean over, we eat all the fish, we throw all our garbage in it. | ||
| You would drive by trash, what are they called? | ||
| Trash plants? | ||
| Oh yeah, sure. | ||
| Landfills. | ||
| Landfills. | ||
| Yeah, and you see how they're at a higher altitude than the street level. | ||
| That's just going to keep growing. | ||
| That's going to be like a building of garbage. | ||
| It's like mountains, like hills. | ||
| Stanhope and I filmed the finale of the man show in a garbage dump. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because the girls were trying to con us into taking them to an island. | ||
| There was two of the girls that were in the old man show, and we didn't get along with them so well. | ||
| And they were like, Adam and Jimmy used to take us to the Bahamas. | ||
| We should do that. | ||
| You should take us to the Bahamas. | ||
| We'll film the final scene there. | ||
| And then we thought about it, and Doug and I were like, we should do it at a garbage shop. | ||
| And I was like, well, you think about it, man. | ||
| I wanted to do it in a garbage dump in New Jersey. | ||
| I wanted to do it in the stinkiest, grossest dump. | ||
| I said, you know, if you're at home and you're watching us, these two assholes, hang out with girls who never fuck you in a place where you can never afford to go to, well, how's that fun for you? | ||
| I go, it would be much more fun for you to watch us in a dump. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's so much funnier, too. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I felt like. | ||
| They were so mad at us. | ||
| It was gross. | ||
| In their defense, it was gross. | ||
| It's really funny that they asked for it, though, first. | ||
| They were like, what's up with the Bahamas? | ||
| Yeah, they wanted to go. | ||
| Garbage dump. | ||
| Well, you know, I don't blame them, man. | ||
| That culture, the hot chick culture of asking for things, and they would rub the writers' shoulders, and You're going to put us in a scene? | ||
| You know, that kind of thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's gross shit, though. | ||
| Yeah, well, that was the culture of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was a lot of grossness going on. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| None of it was as gross as that garbage dump. | ||
| We made up for all of it. | ||
| That shit was fucking foul. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| We were eating lunch and there's fucking garbage dust floating in the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was on Catalina. | ||
| Catalina has a giant garbage dump. | ||
| Do they really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Enormous. | ||
| That's kind of a trip to that whole... | ||
| It's a bummer, man. | ||
| That whole society there. | ||
| I think a lot of our garbage goes out there. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| Yeah, it does suck. | ||
| Catalina, for folks who don't know, is an island outside of the coast of Los Angeles. | ||
| Yeah, 14 miles off the coast. | ||
| 14? | ||
| I've never gone in. | ||
| Do you recommend it? | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| Yeah, it's cool, man. | ||
| There's no cars driving around. | ||
| Just golf carts and shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| It's big enough that you could actually live there, though. | ||
| You can go on a ferry or a helicopter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I took the helicopter. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Maybe that's where we should put our compound. | ||
| The next year, that helicopter company crashed. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck helicopters. | ||
| And somebody died? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Fuck helicopters. | ||
| It would have been you though, right? | ||
| Nah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| Not me, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't stop me. | |
| No, but you can't hold me down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Y'all can't see me. | |
| Not me, bro. | ||
| I'll tell you what, man. | ||
| Fuck that helicopter. | ||
| Fuck that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll grab that fucking propeller with my hand and I'll spin it myself. | |
| Plus, I got heart. | ||
| I got a lot of heart you can't measure. | ||
| You can't fuck with my heart, bro. | ||
| It ain't the size of the dog in the fight. | ||
| It's the size of the fight in the dog. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| This dog can hunt. | ||
| Would you live in Catalina? | ||
| What if we got a giant piece of land in Catalina and that's where we set up our compound? | ||
| I'd have to check it out first because I don't like not having Best Buys and things like that. | ||
| It's totally true. | ||
| We should seriously look into a good place where we can all move. | ||
| Just everybody. | ||
| Outside of LA but close enough, we'll just get a giant chunk of land, get a few hundred acres. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All of us build houses there. | ||
| Do you know how dope that would be if we could have our own M. Night Shyamalama ding-dongs in the village? | ||
| That'd be awesome. | ||
| Can we have a lake? | ||
| I like lakes. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| How cool would it be, for real, if we all, we got everyone that we know that's cool, and we decided we're all going to invest in some property and build houses there. | ||
| Yeah, and all your friends live in the neighborhood. | ||
| It'd be fucking awesome. | ||
| If you lived down the street and Kreischer was there, and you could hear Eddie Bravo lived up the hill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was a bear window. | |
| Brian lived down the hill, and Duncan lived over there, and Ari lives over there. | ||
| That would be fucking awesome. | ||
| That's how fucking cults get started, though. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| Yeah, and that would actually be the most fun. | ||
| We talk about it, Christina and I, because she also loves Bert's wife. | ||
| Really? | ||
| In what way? | ||
| In that way? | ||
| You know what's up. | ||
| It's Valentine's Day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| By the way, I just realized I'm doing a fucking 420 show. | ||
| I'm doing a 420 show in Atlanta. | ||
| Where's that place I'm doing it, Brian? | ||
| Is it on my Twitter thing? | ||
| It just says LandJar on your Twitter. | ||
| It doesn't want to pull up on my laptop. | ||
| It looks weird, man, when I try looking at... | ||
| What are you doing on 420? | ||
| Yeah, I'm doing some... | ||
| Nice! | ||
| I'm doing someplace in Atlanta. | ||
| Some high times? | ||
| 420, though. | ||
| It's 420. That'd be awesome. | ||
| I've never done a 420 show on purpose. | ||
| It's called the Tabernacle? | ||
| Tabernacle, you fucking idiot. | ||
| I did one. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's called the Tabernacle. | |
| You fucking silly goose. | ||
| You are a silly goose. | ||
| You might be the silliest goose of all gooses. | ||
| Tabernacle. | ||
| Yeah, but that's on 420. I want to do my special there, but I don't know if I have enough time. | ||
| But it would be the place to do it because the Atlanta fucking crowds are awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Awesome. | |
| By the way, one of the most underrated cities in the country. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And they have a great comedy community. | ||
| They do. | ||
| Yeah, the Punchline Atlanta has a great community. | ||
| I love the Laughing Skull. | ||
| I haven't been. | ||
| I heard that's great, too. | ||
| I heard that's great, too. | ||
| Laughing Skull is at the Vortex. | ||
| I think that's in Midtown. | ||
| And that's like, it's seat 74, 75. So it's like the Ice House. | ||
| It's like the second stage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Dude. | ||
| And that is a great, it's one of my favorite clubs to play. | ||
| Are we doing the Ice House Friday? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah, by the way, folks, we try to do the Ice House whenever I'm in town. | ||
| March is going to be the shit. | ||
| We're going to do a gang of them in March because I'm home a lot in March. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| We're going to have a lot of fucking Ice House shows. | ||
| We're going to do a lot of full weekends, Friday and Saturdays, whenever we can. | ||
| But Tommy Buns will be involved in this. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Next week, I'm actually recording my new album. | |
| Oh, that's right! | ||
| And you're going to be doing it at the Comedy Works in Denver, which is one of the greatest clubs in the history of the fucking moon universe. | ||
| There's two clubs. | ||
| I'm doing the South Club. | ||
| That's great also. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's awesome, too. | ||
| That's a bigger place. | ||
| We have a balcony. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| If you are in Denver... | ||
| I hid weed there, too. | ||
| When is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
December 24th? | |
| Yeah, we hid weed somewhere in that place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Yes. | ||
| Look, guys. | ||
| We're going to find it next time we go back. | ||
| Come to my show and look for the weed. | ||
| And where... | ||
| Did I say December? | ||
| Yeah, you did. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| It's not December, guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Summertime! | |
| It is this month, which is February, right? | ||
| February. | ||
| And it's Friday the 24th and Saturday the 25th. | ||
| Okay, beautiful. | ||
| I'm recording a new album at the Comedy Works South. | ||
| I tweeted a link if you go to... | ||
| Tom Segura, S-E-G-U-R-A. Yeah, you gotta go. | ||
| Come out, it'll be fucking so much fun. | ||
| If you've never seen Tommy, he's way funnier as a stand-up than he is talking on a podcast. | ||
| Don't be... | ||
| Don't be confused. | ||
| You go, wow, he's kind of monotone. | ||
| He's kind of sexy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I find his voice sexy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Hey, you told me... | ||
| So anyway, folks, 24th, 25th, 26th? | ||
| No, just 24th, 25th. | ||
| I mean, I'm there 23rd to 25th, but the recording is the 24th and 25th. | ||
| Who's putting out your CD? Well, that's actually one of the things I'm actually thinking of doing it myself. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| Do it yourself. | ||
| We'll pump the shit out of it up here. | ||
| That's what I want to do. | ||
| Folks, for real, Tommy's hilarious. | ||
| You know, Tom and I met a long time ago when I was doing the Maxim tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron. | ||
| And what we'd do is we'd go to these different places and they would have like a local guy open up for us. | ||
| Everyone that opened up for us was really funny. | ||
| It was really good like local talent because it was the Maxim Bud Light comedy tour and they really did a good job of casting the local guys. | ||
| But when we did Phoenix, Tommy wasn't even local, just somehow or another he got involved in this. | ||
| And he was one of those guys where he went up and I went, holy shit, I go, this guy is fucking funny. | ||
| And it was dark and it was really well written and We became besties. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, we became besties, man. | |
| Ever since then. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| And that's actually the thing I was telling you is that every time I've opened for you since then, your crowds are always the shit. | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| So that's why I'm totally pleading to... | ||
| The Joe Rogan fans, come out. | ||
| You guys are always an amazing audience. | ||
| Colorado's my place. | ||
| Everybody knows that. | ||
| I fucking love Colorado. | ||
| If I could convince my fucking crazy wife, eventually I will be back in Colorado. | ||
| Colorado's the shit. | ||
| That place calls me. | ||
| I'll be back. | ||
| That club, Wendy, is awesome. | ||
| She's my favorite club owner in the history of club owners. | ||
| She's the shit. | ||
| She is awesome. | ||
| She owns and runs both of them. | ||
| She's just a badass woman. | ||
| Cool as fuck. | ||
| Real fan of comedy. | ||
| A real friend of comedy. | ||
| She has an open mic program that's better than anybody's in the country or anybody's I've ever been involved with ever in my whole time in comedy. | ||
| When you do Comedy Works, you'll work with different people through the weekend, right? | ||
| Different people in each show. | ||
| And all their local guys that will open for you are all headliners. | ||
| Yeah, they're great. | ||
| You have just headliners opening for you. | ||
| They're great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're great. | |
| The whole show is fucking dope. | ||
| She takes care of guys. | ||
| She pays them well. | ||
| Her food is great, especially in South. | ||
| South, she has a gourmet restaurant there. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| It's fucking phenomenal. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| Goddamn, I love Colorado. | ||
| It's snowing as fuck there, though. | ||
| 80 degrees here. | ||
| Suck it! | ||
| Suck it! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But snow is awesome when you don't have to go anywhere. | ||
| Remember those times when you go out your back porch and you just fucking hear nothing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's snowing. | ||
| The way sound just gets absorbed in snow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love that snow. | ||
| It's some great fucking times, man. | ||
| I just don't want to live in it, but I do like visiting snow. | ||
| I like visiting it, too. | ||
| I would like to get a house somewhere where it's cold, you know, where I could visit on occasion. | ||
| And, you know, I just have to get some more baller money. | ||
| But now I'm fucked because it looks like Fear Factor's gonna fucking bite it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Why? | ||
| Looks like it's over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I thought it was, like, some of the best ratings NBC has. | ||
| Huge ratings. | ||
| Huge ratings. | ||
| You just dropped that much down? | ||
| Well, there's a bunch of issues. | ||
| I think one of the issues is, let's be honest, it's a bit low, bro. | ||
| And NBC is trying to have quality programming like The Office. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's issues. | ||
| Even if the numbers aren't great? | ||
| Yeah, they haven't decided yet. | ||
| Look, they've got a point, man. | ||
| I see what you're trying to do. | ||
| No hating. | ||
| I love doing it just because I love the guys that I work with. | ||
| I love David Hurwitz and Matt Kunitz and Rupert and all the people that are... | ||
| That doesn't make sense at all. | ||
| Rupert Thompson, the director... | ||
| All the people that I worked with were really fucking awesome people. | ||
| They're really fun to be around. | ||
| It's like a family. | ||
| And I miss them, you know, the five years that I didn't work with them. | ||
| And then I'm working with them again for this really short season. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| But it's not my favorite thing to do. | ||
| I'm good at it. | ||
| I've been doing it for a long time. | ||
| I know how to host a game show, but I prefer doing stand-up and working for the UFC in this. | ||
| They should move that show to HBO, have nudity, like you're eating fucking fish from girls' vaginas. | ||
| Nah, I think it's over. | ||
| And, you know, the other thing was, like, I was telling them that the donkey loads were too much. | ||
| I was like, you can't do this. | ||
| We can't do this. | ||
| Like, NBC approved it. | ||
| NBC approved it. | ||
| And I was like, just because they approved it doesn't mean you should be doing this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, seriously. | |
| Really? | ||
| You could see that? | ||
| When I'm the voice of reason, when I'm the one who's telling you we're going too far. | ||
| That's it, yeah. | ||
| Like, what is happening here? | ||
| It's just, they got a little crazy. | ||
| They wanted to have an awesome show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| It was a fun thing while it lasted. | ||
| And I honestly believe that these new episodes were better than any of the ones we ever did before. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| I don't see anything wrong with it. | ||
| I think it's silly that NBC wouldn't do that because all their other shows are hurt and bad. | ||
| They suck. | ||
| That Whitney show has got horrible ratings. | ||
| I watched it the other day. | ||
| It was not good. | ||
| But it's hard. | ||
| It's hard to do a good sitcom. | ||
| It's hard to do it right. | ||
| I heard she's a funny stand-up. | ||
| I've never seen her perform before. | ||
| But I heard that Chris DeLee is a funny comic as well. | ||
| He's buddies with Brian. | ||
| I've never seen him perform as well. | ||
| So how is it that they can have two really funny people and not have a funny show? | ||
| A lot of times it's just too many cooks in the kitchen. | ||
| A lot of times they're trying to accomplish something. | ||
| They're trying to get a vibe going. | ||
| They're trying to find their footing. | ||
| They believe in it, though, because they renewed it. | ||
| They renewed it for another season. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, did they? | |
| They're both funny people. | ||
| They both are funny people. | ||
| Well, it takes a while, man. | ||
| I really enjoyed my time on news radio, but I got a real deep respect for the craft of creating a television show. | ||
| And that's one of the reasons why I never did it again. | ||
| One of the reasons why I never did it again was, first of all, I knew that the guys that I was working with were incredibly talented. | ||
| And it's such... | ||
| Paul Sims, the executive producer, was such an interesting and intelligent guy, and his sensibilities were so out there. | ||
| I knew that after working with him, it was going to be really hard to do another sort of sitcom, a real mainstream, even if it's a successful one. | ||
| It's hard to do crap. | ||
| You realize how much writing is everything. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| You see these shows that are so good and you're like, holy shit. | ||
| I shouldn't say it's everything because good writing with shit delivery and shit comics and shit actors is not good either. | ||
| But it's a huge part of the problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| Part of the equation, rather. | ||
| And you need real eccentrics to write. | ||
| I mean, one of the things that these guys were... | ||
| There's a couple of them that were stand-ups that were on the staff. | ||
| But for the most part, they were just really bright, silly guys who knew how to put together something funny. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| For every Matt Stone and Trey Parker, there's a hundred pretenders. | ||
| At least. | ||
| At least. | ||
| Many more. | ||
| You can get caught on one of those sitcoms where you're reading the script and you're like, what the fuck am I doing, man? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh! | |
| There's those intangibles too, like a show airs and sometimes it just gets legs. | ||
| People are drawn to it, you know? | ||
| And then sometimes you feel like everything's right, like we got the right scripts are great, we got great actors. | ||
| Every now and then. | ||
| People don't respond to it, man. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, a lot of times it's who's the production company and what kind of pull they have with the network and where they decide to put the show. | ||
| But I would definitely do another acting gig. | ||
| I really enjoyed doing that movie with Kevin James, the Zookeeper movie. | ||
| That was a lot of fun. | ||
| But it was mostly fun because Kevin and I have been friends since we were really young and to do a movie, even though it was a silly kids movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it was fun. | |
| It's fun to act. | ||
| It was fun to do the thing with Leslie Bibb and the chick from Talladega Nights. | ||
| I was like, this is kind of crazy. | ||
| I'm acting with a girl from Talladega Nights. | ||
| and I hadn't done any acting in fucking 10 years yeah so it was weird that was fun I I would totally do something like that. | ||
| I would totally do a sitcom or something fun acting again, but for the most part, one of the weirdest things about being a comic is that everybody wants to put you into some acting situation where you're going to do something that's not nearly as funny as your act. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, or you can see it when you audition. | ||
| You ever punch it up, or you change it, you'll add something, and you'll be like, that was really funny. | ||
| And you're like, well, yeah, I kind of have to do this a lot. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes they get mad. | ||
| Oh, I got yelled at one time, too. | ||
| What'd they say? | ||
| The guy laughed, and then we did it again, and he was like, that's just rude, man. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| He was like, that's rude. | ||
| And he meant it was rude that I tagged the line. | ||
| I made up a line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And he laughed the first time, and then he was like, it's really rude. | ||
| You need to drop that. | ||
| And I was like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| What? | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| He fucked me up so badly. | ||
| Then we did the third take and I was like, yeah, okay. | ||
| I didn't even move my face. | ||
| What? | ||
| A weak bitch. | ||
| Yeah, and I was like, you just laughed at it, man. | ||
| Everybody laughed at it. | ||
| That's 100% ego right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wasn't even the... | ||
| He was just a casting guy. | ||
| He wasn't a director or the producer on it. | ||
| He was just like... | ||
| Well, he's trying to fuck you then. | ||
| You know, whatever it was. | ||
| Saying it's rude. | ||
| He's an idiot. | ||
| That was one of the coolest things about news radio is that Paul Simms would let us make up entire scenes. | ||
| If a scene didn't work, Dave Foley was like the secret producer. | ||
| On the set, he would just rewrite a scene. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He would completely do it differently. | ||
| Dave Foley's a genius. | ||
| His ability to see scenes and see jokes and see his sketch background from Kids in the Hall. | ||
| He created a lot of sketches. | ||
| He's a great writer. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| He got off track with his life and had a lot of hard times. | ||
| We had him on the podcast once talk about it. | ||
| It's a fascinating, fascinating story of caution, a cautionary tale of what could happen if you're involved in a terrible relationship and it goes wrong and you have a spiteful ex-wife. | ||
| Poor guy, man. | ||
| It's really horrendous. | ||
| And that led to all sorts of other issues as well. | ||
| But as a writer and as a guy, as a comedian, he's a genius. | ||
| Just a talented guy. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| Just a brilliant, really interesting, funny guy. | ||
| Really smart guy. | ||
| We should get him back on. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| Yeah, I'd love to have him back on to help his comedy because I haven't heard anything about him. | ||
| Have you heard him? | ||
| I saw him driving one day, and that's the last I saw him. | ||
| That's a sad driver. | ||
| Well, I know that he had some setbacks. | ||
| I mean, he can't go to Canada at all. | ||
| If he goes to Canada, they'll arrest him now. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he owes some crazy amount of money. | ||
| Then he had a show that took off for a little while. | ||
| The pilot got picked up, then it got canceled. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think I saw that. | ||
| I saw a commercial for it. | ||
| It's a hard fucking world, dude. | ||
| It is, dude. | ||
| The world of trying to create a sitcom is not fun. | ||
| No. | ||
| And the odds of you... | ||
| And there's so many people out there trying to do it. | ||
| Yeah, I've written a couple. | ||
| Have you? | ||
| I've written a couple scripts, yeah. | ||
| Pilots. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The other thing is... | ||
| It comes naturally. | ||
| It's brain. | ||
| You're just pulling your hair out and then you rewrite it so many times and then some reason they're like, yeah. | ||
| You need to make some more changes. | ||
| You're like, I've already written it fucking 40 times. | ||
| Well, not only that, by the way, they will never let you create your own show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because if you create your own show, you own the show. | ||
| And if you own the show, that's fucking billions. | ||
| They have that thing locked down. | ||
| The only people who can own shows and be showrunners and be executives, those people are already deep, deep, deep in the business. | ||
| There's very little room for some new guy who creates his own show. | ||
| You have to be paired up with some dude who's already... | ||
| They know what's at stake there. | ||
| You're not doing your own thing. | ||
| Yeah, you can't just come to them independently and say, Hey, NBC, my name's Tom Segura. | ||
| Me and my buddy, we wrote a sitcom. | ||
| I'm going to be the creator and executive producer, and he's going to be the director. | ||
| Is that cool with you? | ||
| Yeah, you guys are creative. | ||
| Come on in. | ||
| No way, because that's a money train. | ||
| They're giving you a free ticket on the money train. | ||
| You get some Roseanne-style syndication money or Seinfeld syndication money. | ||
| They know what's involved in that in a successful show. | ||
| So they got that situation all locked up. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why so many of those shows suck. | ||
| They got the same dudes feeding people the same slop. | ||
| If you look at the showrunners of certain hit shows, there's like two and a half men. | ||
| That dude does a gang of them. | ||
| The one that Charlie Sheen was brawling with. | ||
| That guy does the fucking Big Bang. | ||
| Yeah, he's a fucking fool. | ||
| Mike and Molly. | ||
| That's his too. | ||
| Imagine what that guy makes. | ||
| Ridiculous money. | ||
| Yeah, he's got it locked up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That dude owns hits. | ||
| Television hits. | ||
| Wouldn't you have loved to see the arguments with him and Charlie Sheen on DVD? Wouldn't it be great if somebody filmed them? | ||
| If somebody on the Two and a Half Men set filmed some of the arguments? | ||
| I'm sure they have that. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I wish I would love to see that. | ||
| We just have to wait until they all die. | ||
| Egos, man. | ||
| I think that's the guy who also got... | ||
| Do you remember Brett Butler? | ||
| Do you remember her? | ||
| Do you remember when she was a big TV star? | ||
| She had that show. | ||
| Yeah, she had a show. | ||
| What was the show? | ||
| But I remember her. | ||
| What the fuck was that show? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Was it a Brett Butler show? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Raging something. | ||
| Something. | ||
| Caroline... | ||
| No. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Grace Under Fire. | ||
| Grace Under Fire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Grace Under Fire. | ||
| Well, she was like, she was, you know, she was fucking big time, man. | ||
| You know, she was the star of a sitcom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she apparently just got crazy ego bullshit went through. | ||
| And she threw a soda in his face and said, if you fuck your wife the same way you write, no wonder why she left you. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Yeah, and that was it. | ||
| They pulled the plug on that bitch. | ||
| Now she's homeless. | ||
| Yeah, now she's vanished off the face of the earth. | ||
| I mean, she was an enormous star, dude. | ||
| She was enormous, man. | ||
| And she was also an enormous star as a stand-up comedian. | ||
| She was really charismatic. | ||
| Have you seen the homeless picture of her? | ||
| She was on an interview the other day. | ||
| For real homeless? | ||
| Yeah, for real homeless. | ||
| They interviewed her, and she looks like she hit a wall. | ||
| Dude, pull that up. | ||
| I want to see this video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It says the Golden Globe-nominated actress who struggled with drug addiction went broke after 1993 to 1998 sitcom ended its run on ABC. Oh my god, she looks crazy. | ||
| Brett Butler, two Ts, one T in Butler. | ||
| Oh my god, the actress... | ||
| A Golden Globe nominee for a role in the 1993-1998 comedy series struggled with substance abuse while starring on the show, which was in the top ten for two seasons. | ||
| The Chuck Lorre created show was canceled in 1998 after she was asked to leave the set because of her drug use. | ||
| Yeah, she threw a drink in his face. | ||
| My friend was working on the set. | ||
| He also worked on one of the shows that I worked on, on news radio, and he said, you know, he said in her accent, you fuck your wife, same way you write. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The biggest hits of the 90s. | |
| But whatever happened to the star, Brett Butler? | ||
| Sadly, we have found out she is living in a homeless shelter. | ||
| And tonight she tells me what it is like to hit rock bottom in Hollywood. | ||
| I almost died like Michael Jackson. | ||
| I was dying of addiction. | ||
| I would be in hell. | ||
| Brett had it all. | ||
| A hit show on primetime TV. Two years in the top ten. | ||
| Can you see me? | ||
| She made millions and lived in a mansion. | ||
| A tough-talking woman with a wild temper and killing herself with drugs. | ||
| Drugs! | ||
| Everything but crack and needles pretty much. | ||
| I had a variety of things given to me by doctors. | ||
| Other things. | ||
| I'm not doing it to be coy, but I'm not going to go through the, you know, what I did. | ||
| I did it till the wheels came off. | ||
| You just go up to your room right now and you don't come back down until you love your brother. | ||
| Grace Under Fire was a working class sitcom done in the same vein as Roseanne and Mad About You now on DVD. It was produced by funny man Chuck Lorre, creator of Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory. | ||
| It was filmed here on the same studio lot as E.T., At Stage 14, where Christina Applegate's Up All Night is now. | ||
| You said you hope you've been forgiven. | ||
| What would you hope you've been forgiven for? | ||
| Making someone's day miserable over the choice of a word in a 22-minute show. | ||
| A lot of the times, I've been an ass and didn't even think I was. | ||
| Like, I'd call my managers and go, there's a white limo out here for an award show. | ||
| And they'd say, oh my god, don't get in it. | ||
| And he should have said, you ungrateful cracker, go get in the car and go to the show, they'll drop you. | ||
| Out back. | ||
| Because she wanted a black one? | ||
| Is that what she's trying to say? | ||
| Some people have weird things like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All these Great White Hope rehabs, the one in Malibu I call muffins, where they have a sous chef and collage class, and I'm going, you're kidding. | |
| And, you know, some won't give you sugar and coffee and they give you drugs and other ones. | ||
| It's just, it's bizarre. | ||
| 30,000 bucks a month and you're lucky when you don't die. | ||
| People used to come up and say, I, too, am a survivor of so-and-so and I want to go, look, if you don't wear the t-shirt, you'll have more fun. | ||
| She left Hollywood for a farm in Georgia where she lived with her 15 pets. | ||
| But then the money ran out and one of Hollywood's biggest stars had to live in a homeless shelter. | ||
| Now Brad is making a comeback returning to stand-up this weekend in LA's downtown comedy club. | ||
| I just want to make a comeback to be Nancy Grace's worst nightmare. | ||
| I really feel like an old dog though. | ||
| It's almost like I was a horse that ran in the derby once. | ||
| The kids were coming up going, are you still doing this? | ||
| I think it had something to do with me living through it. | ||
| I don't think about what I survived. | ||
| I hope I forgive. | ||
| I hope I'm forgiven. | ||
| And I'm just really glad that I think things are funny and there's no end to that. | ||
| And Brett has even more to reveal tomorrow. | ||
| She tells me her plans for a big TV comeback. | ||
| Don't get hooked on drugs, guys. | ||
| She creeps me out, but you know who creeps me out just as much? | ||
| The lady talking to her. | ||
| I don't feel like I know anything about her while she's talking. | ||
| She's pretty. | ||
| Oh, she's beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's beautiful. | |
| She seems real nice. | ||
| I don't know a goddamn thing about her. | ||
| I'm not getting anything out of her. | ||
| That reminds me of the first time I bought drugs. | ||
| The first time I ever bought drugs. | ||
| Tell me about this. | ||
| Do you remember the first time you ever bought drugs? | ||
| No, but you told me that you had a story. | ||
| The first time I ever bought drugs I was in high school, and I went to a small high school, so I was trying to not make a thing to ask about it at first, because you don't want it to get around. | ||
| So you were curious? | ||
| Yeah, I wanted to try stuff, but I didn't know who to ask, because if you ask at a small school, it could blow up real fast. | ||
| That's how gossip traveled. | ||
| So my friend Steve had just transferred from like the big high school, like from a high school with like 5,000 kids. | ||
| And so it was like a weekend. | ||
| I was like, let's get a sack. | ||
| And I think we had just seen Menace to Society and we were like, yo, what's up? | ||
| Like we were trying to totally be like hardcore guys. | ||
| I'm like pulling the hat to the side and be like, let's do this, man. | ||
| Did you wear your hat to the side? | ||
| No, but I think a lot of throwing swag into shit and just being like, hey, let's get a sack. | ||
| You're getting your blackness on. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Feeling it. | ||
| 14, like, what's up? | ||
| Let's do this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got your back. | |
| Making shit up. | ||
| A little too white, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little uncomfortable with your existence. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And then he's like, I know the guy. | ||
| So, like a Saturday night, this long green, old school, 70s Cadillac pulls up. | ||
| And he's like, that's the dude. | ||
| And this guy rolls the window down. | ||
| He's like, yo, get in the back. | ||
| And I was like, alright, cool. | ||
| We get in the back. | ||
| Thinking, like, that's where it goes down. | ||
| And Steve's like, yo, this is White Pete. | ||
| And I was like, what's up, White Pete? | ||
| And he was called White Pete because they needed to give him a distinction for his name because he was the only white guy that ran with his crew, right? | ||
| And he was like, we didn't have driver's licenses. | ||
| So he was like exactly at that moment what we wanted to be in a couple years. | ||
| Like he had like the whole unit, like the oversized white tee and like, you know, gold chain. | ||
| Yeah, and fucking like fade. | ||
| He was like, what's up? | ||
| I'm white people. | ||
| He talked like Snoop Dogg almost. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Right? | ||
| And so we were like, all right. | ||
| And I thought he was like, so we're going to go get it now. | ||
| I was like, go get what? | ||
| Like I thought we were just doing this in the car. | ||
| We're going to go get that sack, man. | ||
| I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
| So we start driving. | ||
| We go 30 minutes in a car. | ||
| We go to the next town over, which is Fort Pierce, which is definitely a shittier place. | ||
| So we're driving through Fort Pierce, and we go from a main street to single-lane highways. | ||
| In Florida, there's like... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So we're on a busy, and then we go to a single lane that has canals on each side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah, and then we go from that to a dirt road, and then the dirt road off of that dirt road. | ||
| We're driving down and we're like, this is some forensic file shit we're going to end up on. | ||
| A lot of woods? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of brush, groves, that kind of shit. | ||
| And I was like, fuck, man. | ||
| And at this point, I'm thinking about Menace to Society. | ||
| And I'm like, I want to be in that right now. | ||
| But I'm feeling really white. | ||
| I'm really scared. | ||
| And now it's night. | ||
| He came over in the evening already, so now it's pitch black outside. | ||
| And we're on a dirt road off of a dirt road. | ||
| Like, you can scream, there's nobody gonna hear shit. | ||
| And on the dirt road, up a gravel path, I see a light. | ||
| And the light is from a trailer. | ||
| So we pull up to the trailer, and we get out, and it's me, Steve, and White Pete. | ||
| And we knock on the door of the trailer, and this dude opens the door, and he has... | ||
| This black guy has like six dreadlocks. | ||
| You know, each dreadlock is like the size of a king-sized snicker bar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got six snicker bars coming out of his hair. | |
| And White Pete's like, what's up, Pat, Pat? | ||
| And he's like, what's up, White Pete? | ||
| And they give each other a hug. | ||
| And I was like, oh, fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now this really is totally menace to society shit, right? | |
| So I was like, what's going to happen? | ||
| But I'm so trying to be cool about it. | ||
| Like, so trying to be cool about it. | ||
| And then he's like, these white boys are looking for a sack. | ||
| And he's like, yeah, we could do that. | ||
| So we go and say, mind you, we're looking for $20. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So how far have you driven? | ||
| How long has it taken? | ||
| From this point, it's like, we're already 30 miles south of the city we started. | ||
| Why would you just say, like, never mind after 10 miles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why does a white peach just sell it to you? | |
| Why does he have to take you on the trip to the guy's house? | ||
| I would... | ||
| These are all questions I have, but don't have the balls to ask. | ||
| In my mind, I'm like, I'm 14, 15. I'm not saying shit to this dude. | ||
| I'm cool. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| Let's get a sack. | ||
| Still trying to make up? | ||
| So, we go into his trailer, and he's like, alright, we're going to get to do that sack. | ||
| We'll be back in 10 minutes. | ||
| I was like, who will be back in 10 minutes? | ||
| He's like, we will be. | ||
| You stay here and watch my place. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Is what I'm thinking. | ||
| But then I just go like, yeah, cool. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| So you're in his trailer. | ||
| And he's like, watch it for me. | ||
| I'm like, oh, no. | ||
| Like, I'm feeling like that. | ||
| Like, real fear. | ||
| But I go, yeah, no problem, man. | ||
| Like, I watch people's houses all the time. | ||
| Like, totally fucking terrified. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then he goes, like, you walk in the trailer, you're in the living room, because that's the way a trailer is, right? | ||
| You walk into it, and there's a bedroom to the right. | ||
| He's like, wait in here. | ||
| On the bed, he's like, there's a 45 and a 12 gauge. | ||
| And he goes, anybody comes in my house, you shoot them. | ||
| And I was like, right. | ||
| And then he's like, except for my mama. | ||
| My mama comes home. | ||
| Don't shoot her. | ||
| And I was like, got it. | ||
| And except I kept trying to be cool about it. | ||
| I was like, yeah, like, that's what's up. | ||
| I know what you're saying, man. | ||
| Go get that sack. | ||
| Totally like trying to be like, he was like, all right. | ||
| They walk out, they leave me in his trailer with two guns and a fucking message to not, to shoot everybody but his mother. | ||
| And I just sit there and I watch the MTV Video Music Awards. | ||
| And the whole time, like every show that comes, I just, I'm rocking. | ||
| And I'm actually hoping that it's an intruder versus his mom, because I feel like if it's his mom, she might accidentally shoot her. | ||
| Or how is she going to react to my explanation? | ||
| Like, Pat Pat just told me to wait here. | ||
| He's getting some weed for me, but I'm supposed to shoot everybody but you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you cool with that? | |
| And she's like, oh yeah, it happens all the time. | ||
| How are you going to react to this? | ||
| So I'm having a panic attack. | ||
| We finally, they come back. | ||
| We get back in with White Pete. | ||
| He drives us back. | ||
| And I'm sitting there. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| Dude, that was the worst shit ever. | ||
| Like, I'm fucking terrified. | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| Him and Pat-Pat, Steve and Pat became, like, best friends. | ||
| So they became, like, super close. | ||
| Like, that was, like, his guy. | ||
| He would go up there and I'd be like, no, dude. | ||
| I don't want to hang out with Pat-Pat at all. | ||
| And, like, six months later, when Steve got his license, we went and he was like, you want to get some weed today? | ||
| I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So, where'd we go? | ||
| We go to Fort Pierce. | ||
| Pull up to Pat Pat's and I'm like, God damn it. | ||
| So you remembered how to get there? | ||
| He did. | ||
| Steve had to start going there all the time. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| We pulled up to his trailer this time. | ||
| He gets out now. | ||
| This time, like, well, they're friends, so this is probably going to be a much quicker thing. | ||
| He comes out, he jumps in the back, and he's like, all right, let's roll. | ||
| And I was like, ah, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, we're going to fucking look for a sack again? | |
| Like, I thought you just have this shit, man. | ||
| So this time we went to... | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Pat Pass scared the shit out of me the first time. | ||
| But that second time, he saved our life, actually. | ||
| Because we went, from his trailer the second time, where he jumped in the back, we went to Avenue D, which is the fucking shitty street in Fort Pierce. | ||
| Like, if you're going to... | ||
| Like, every city, you know, you have, like... | ||
| I don't know, whatever city you're in, they're like, that's... | ||
| Have you ever seen... | ||
| Have you ever been to a street where you see open drug dealing, where there's not even some type of facade? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Los Angeles. | ||
| Right, but you've been down a street where there's no pretense about it. | ||
| Yeah, Los Angeles. | ||
| We were filming Fear Factor. | ||
| We were actually filming the Playboy Playmate edition of Fear Factor. | ||
| Downtown area? | ||
| Yeah, we were watching people sell drugs, smoke crack, right there. | ||
| We were in a crane, and I go, look, they're smoking crack. | ||
| And the girls were like, oh my god, they are smoking crack. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| No one's protecting us. | ||
| We're up here in a crane. | ||
| That was exactly like this, where we pulled up in Steve's car... | ||
| And the windows come down and we just get surrounded. | ||
| Like the car got surrounded by six guys. | ||
| And they reach in their jackets and they go, this one guy goes, y'all look familiar. | ||
| And this other guy goes, yeah, y'all look real familiar. | ||
| Y'all ever been here before? | ||
| And when somebody says that, you look familiar, have you been here before? | ||
| How would you answer that? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And exactly at that moment, I go, no. | ||
| And Steve at the exact same time goes, yep. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I hate that shit. | |
| Oh, man. | ||
| And then they're like, see, I told you, man. | ||
| Y'all look like them white boys that have been snatching bags around here. | ||
| I was like, oh, fuck. | ||
| You look like the white boys that have been taking bags from guys. | ||
| I'm like, no, dude. | ||
| That's not us. | ||
| Steve's like, but we have been here before. | ||
| I'm like, will you shut the fuck up? | ||
| Pat Pat is in the back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, hold on. | |
| He gets out and walks up, talks to all of them like he's the ambassador. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck. | ||
| I own these guys. | ||
| They're with me. | ||
| They totally let us go. | ||
| Without him, we would have been fucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that noise, Brian? | |
| What is that noise? | ||
| Somebody's phone. | ||
| That's not mine. | ||
| No, it's me. | ||
| Pat Pat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pat Pat. | |
| Pat Pat is still out. | ||
| I don't know what happened to Pat Pat. | ||
| And White Pete, who knows what happened to White Pete. | ||
| Not good things. | ||
| Probably not good things, man. | ||
| You should Facebook him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you Facebook Pap Pap? | |
| Pap Pap will be the next person that makes up a fake Twitter account. | ||
| That's a real fear. | ||
| That was, I had real fear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And you're like. | ||
| For a good fucking reason. | ||
| Oh, like when you feel your stomach dropping, you're like, what's going to happen right now? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, that's terrible shit, man. | ||
| When I was a kid, when I was in high school, we used to go to Dorchester to eat like late at night. | ||
| I was hanging out with this one kid. | ||
| I lived in Jamaica Plain before I went to high school. | ||
| And Jamaica Plain was like a real shifty neighborhood. | ||
| It was kind of creepy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it bordered some really creepy places. | ||
| And I became friends with a couple of those kids, and I stayed in touch with them. | ||
| And then when I went to high school, I went to visit them a couple of times before I realized it was really fucking dangerous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were going to a bad high school, man. | ||
| Their high school situation, my high school situation was very different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We went to the same middle school together, and middle school was kind of okay because kids were young. | ||
| They hadn't gotten into dangerous shit yet. | ||
| And, you know, this is 1980. Yeah. | ||
| You know, this is early. | ||
| It was just like when the Sugar Hill Gang would just come out. | ||
| Hip hop. | ||
| A hip-a-to-the-hip-a-to-hip-hop. | ||
| That was the first rap music, and it was very friendly in retrospect. | ||
| And things changed radically, though. | ||
| When I left, I went to Newton, which is like nice suburbs, and I lived across the street from a river, and there was like woods near me and shit like that. | ||
| And they went to the inner city high school, and they had some fucking tough times, man. | ||
| I watched those dudes. | ||
| They were basically involved in just... | ||
| Just crime was everywhere around them. | ||
| It was nuts, man. | ||
| Inner city shit is just no fun at all. | ||
| I got lucky that my parents moved to a nicer place. | ||
| We would go to these places late at night when I was hanging out with them. | ||
| We'd hang out with some of their friends. | ||
| We'd go to Dorchester at 2 o'clock in the morning to eat. | ||
| First of all, I couldn't believe who the fuck let me wander around at 14 years old. | ||
| but we were in some place where there was bulletproof glass they would sell you food but it was through bulletproof glass it was sandwiches and there was like a slot where you would slide the food under and it was like the worst fucking neighborhood you could possibly be in outside of Beirut we're hanging out there and some guy goes I told you I'd pay for this shit motherfucker like decides I already paid for this shit And they're like, let him go, let him go, let him go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I could see the guy, like, bluffed his way out of a free sandwich. | ||
| And he would walk off, and he was eating it, like, right at the front door, like, blocking the door like a dog. | ||
| Like, he got far enough, you know, for he was away from danger, and he was just with no regard for how it looked. | ||
| He was just eating it, blocking the doorway, eating the sandwich. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I was like, um... | ||
| People don't know how bad some neighborhoods are in Hollywood. | ||
| Sunset between Fairfax and Crescent Heights used to be a trap. | ||
| I remember I worked at a restaurant there, and one night, man, two weekends in a row, first weekend someone got shot in the head on the steps into Denny's, which was like a block. | ||
| And then the next weekend, somebody came in, went into the kitchen, took scissors, Start stabbing people with scissors and stabbing themselves. | ||
| But it was also like a criminal hangout because of Denny's. | ||
| Denny's is a criminal hangout? | ||
| You know, I'm saying it's open all night. | ||
| So that's where late night people, people who are up all night could go and hang out. | ||
| They just shut it down. | ||
| Everybody who's in here is a pimp, hustler, drug dealer, and they're murdering people weekend after weekend. | ||
| They just shut that shit down. | ||
| That was a dangerous area, man. | ||
| Hollywood is so shitty. | ||
| People who come to Hollywood who think I almost killed a guy yesterday coming home from the doctor. | ||
| I was probably going 45, 50 miles an hour and out of nowhere the car next to me slams on his brakes. | ||
| I'm like what the fuck? | ||
| So I slammed on my brakes even though I had no idea why he was slamming on his brakes type thing because I couldn't see over his car. | ||
| I slammed on brakes and just missed this old man dressed up as a woman. | ||
| And he was just crossing the street, like in the middle of the street, jaywalking, and just screaming at us. | ||
| Like, you could just tell he was fucking crazy. | ||
| He had lipstick all around his whole entire face. | ||
| Dude, it was just an old man dressed up as a woman. | ||
| Brett Butt was co-star from Grace Under Fire. | ||
| Still pissed that that bitch had to scream and get the show canceled. | ||
| I gotta fucking bounce. | ||
| I gotta go do a show with Brea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go bounce. | |
| Brea Improv, folks, tonight, if you are around, if you're anywhere near Brea, There's an 8pm show tonight. | ||
| Brea Improv. | ||
| Tommy Segura all up in this. | ||
| You're headlining though, right? | ||
| It's a Valentine show. | ||
| You and your wife? | ||
| Me and my wife, yeah. | ||
| So it starts when you get there if you're late. | ||
| You won't be late though. | ||
| You can leave here. | ||
| I'll give you directions. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| This weekend I'll be at the Orlando Improv. | ||
| So if you're in Orlando... | ||
| Orlando, Florida. | ||
| You dirty freaks. | ||
| And you gotta go down and support Tommy when he is taping his new CD. That will be in Denver at the Comedy Works South on February 24th and 25th. | ||
| It's a great fucking club. | ||
| Tell Wendy I said what's up! | ||
| And also please check out the podcast. | ||
| The podcast I've done with Brian for the last few years. | ||
| Yes, it's called Your Mom's House. | ||
| It's available on iTunes. | ||
| We're going to do the first episode without our beloved Brian tomorrow. | ||
| And the website is YourMomsHousePodcast.com. | ||
| Your Mom's House Podcast with his lovely and talented wife, Christina Wisinski. | ||
| Very, very funny young lady. | ||
| And she'll be on the show tonight as well. | ||
| That's the Bray Improv, 9pm, and of course, next, not next weekend, but whatever the fuck weekend it is. | ||
| It is next weekend? | ||
| Yeah, it's not this coming weekend, but the next one. | ||
| 24th and the 25th, Denver, get on that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Fire up, Death Squad, in support. | ||
| Tom Segura, you are the fucking man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love you, buddy. | |
| You're awesome. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| Tell Pat Pat, what's up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up, Pat Pat? | |
| Get that side, get that side. | ||
| Thank you to The Pleshlight for sponsoring our podcast from the beginning, from the very dark days of laptops and not knowing what the fuck we're doing, as if we didn't start off today on the wrong channel. | ||
| Hey, we fucking, we got a little slippery. | ||
| Listen, this is real. | ||
| There's not a lot of production value, but it's free, okay? | ||
| Thanks to, thanks to everybody that's tuning into this fucking thing, before we even get to sponsors. | ||
| You know, it's one of the coolest things in the world to have such an awesome fan base, to have so many cool fucking people to, To connect with so many people. | ||
| To get all these messages from you guys. | ||
| Like, hey man, this is what I've been looking for my whole life. | ||
| This show's changing my life. | ||
| This show changes the way I look at things. | ||
| You guys change the way we look at things too. | ||
| From Twitter, from all the cool links that I get sent, to the amount of support that we get from our shows. | ||
| It, to me, is the coolest thing that I've ever done in my life. | ||
| You've got the best fans, man. | ||
| You've got the best fans. | ||
| I'm lucky. | ||
| I'm very, very fortunate. | ||
| We put out the right vibe and people respond. | ||
| And we put out this show... | ||
| It's real. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| There's no bullshit, no pretense. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| It's 100% free. | ||
| We love all you freaks. | ||
| We just want to let you know that this is not something I take for granted. | ||
| I've done a lot of shit in my career. | ||
| This is the thing I'm the most proud of. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| You guys, I'm the most proud of the whole... | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
| Everything behind it. | ||
| I don't want to say movement. | ||
| All the momentum behind it. | ||
| All the shows. | ||
| It's a humbling experience, man. | ||
| When I do something like the Chicago Theater and there's 3,200 people and everyone's screaming and cheering. | ||
| It's really one of the greatest experiences of my life. | ||
| And we're going to keep going, bitch. | ||
| We ain't going nowhere. | ||
| Come see me in... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go to JoeRogan.net. | ||
| I don't even know where the fuck I'm going. | ||
| Friday we're at the Ice House. | ||
| Go to Ice House Comedy. | ||
| Friday we're at the Ice House. | ||
| And Friday, by the way, it's going to be a very intimate show and it will sell out. | ||
| We do them every week. | ||
| There's only 85 seats and it's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's going to be Brian Redman. | ||
| Who's going on? | ||
| Well, I don't know the full lineup yet, but we have DJ Dog Pound, I think, is going to do it. | ||
| Who does all the Tim and Eric stuff. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh, beautiful. | ||
| And you're around this Friday as well? | ||
| I'm in Orlando. | ||
| You're in Orlando. | ||
| Orlando Improv. | ||
| That's it, you dirty freaks. | ||
| Thanks to Fleshlight. | ||
| Go to JoeRogan.net. | ||
| Click on the link for the Fleshlight. | ||
| Enter in the code name Rogan. | ||
| And then go fuck yourself. | ||
| Or go fuck it yourself. | ||
| Thank you to Onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Sport, and Shroom Tech Immune. | ||
| All powerful cognitive enhancing supplements, immune supplements, and endurance supplements. | ||
| All good shit. | ||
| All natural. | ||
| All good for you. | ||
| All explained at Onnit.com. | ||
| O-N-N-I-T. Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the AlphaBrain link, enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will get 10% off your first order. | ||
| I'm going to have that changed for all your orders, alright? | ||
| So you can always get a nice little discount, alright? | ||
| You fucking freaks. | ||
| You know I love you. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smoke that sack, man. | |
| That's it. | ||
| Smoke that sack. | ||
| And I'll see you guys soon. | ||
| Check out UFC tomorrow night. | ||
| I won't be there, but it's going to be live from somewhere cool. | ||
| Omaha, Nebraska? | ||
| Oh, Jake Ellenberger. | ||
| He's from Omaha. | ||
| And Diego Sanchez. |
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