Sept. 22, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
05:34
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You beat off into it. | ||
| Brandon Walsh was scared of it. | ||
| I offered it to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not scared of it. | |
| I'm not scared of it. | ||
| I had to think about it. | ||
| I was like, I don't know, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I might not be within my best interest to introduce to my life. | |
| Yeah, you know, I don't need to get any more into, like, fucking jerking off than I am already. | ||
| Like, it's a fucking waste of time. | ||
| You know what's funny, too? | ||
| I had a dream last night that, like, I had a dream about, like, I was going to get a flashlight. | ||
| Like, I decided I was going to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you just called me today about this. | ||
| That you were going to buy it? | ||
| Well, it was like, I wanted to fuck a rubber pussy in my dream. | ||
| Like, it was just a weird dream. | ||
| Just specifically? | ||
| That dream about a sex toy? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it wasn't about, like, yeah, my friend was in it, and he had, like, this fucking thing that was, like, sucking his dick that looked pretty complicated. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It was a weird dream. | ||
| It was pretty complicated, like a mechanical thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like it was a two-part, like it had like a, almost like a little gas tank, you know, like that you would use for like helium balloons. | ||
| Like it was a fucking weird contraption. | ||
| What the fuck did you eat before you went to bed, before you had this dream? | ||
| I ate pinkberry last night. | ||
| Was that, you think that was it? | ||
| I don't know, does food really give you weird dreams? | ||
| Yeah, did you put kiwi on there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I think it does. | |
| I put mochi, I mean I usually don't eat late at night and I never, like last time I ate pinkberry was probably like four months ago maybe? | ||
| Well, we know that certain compounds in food definitely affect, like melatonin definitely affects the way you dream. | ||
| A lot of people say these alpha brain pills that we've been saying, they definitely affect the way you dream. | ||
| I've just been hearing about that. | ||
| Trussell told me. | ||
| I'll give you a bottle. | ||
| Tell me what you think. | ||
| If you think they suck, please tell me. | ||
| I don't want to believe it's just a placebo effect. | ||
| I don't want to believe it's just a placebo effect because of the dreams. | ||
| The number one reason why I'm pretty convinced it's not a placebo effect is because I have these fucking weird dreams, man. | ||
| They're like super potent dreams where a lot of times during them I'm aware that I'm in a dream, but the dream is so strong. | ||
| There's like no getting out of it. | ||
| It's like I'm aware. | ||
| Like, whoa, this is just a dream, right? | ||
| Yep, this is just a dream. | ||
| Let's keep going. | ||
| Did you ever have a lucid dream before? | ||
| Not like this. | ||
| I've never had any. | ||
| I've had moments, but I've always, in the middle of the moment, freaked out and realized, oh my god, I am flying. | ||
| I'm controlling my flying. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| Yeah, but it felt so fucking real right before I woke up. | ||
| But I was only able to hold on to it slippery for a few seconds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Since taking these fucking pills, I hold onto it for like a half an hour sometimes. | ||
| And you do crazy shit? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| You murder people? | ||
| I've talked about this already. | ||
| Is it like the guy when you're playing Grand Theft Auto when you get the baseball bat and just walk around and beat the shit out of people? | ||
| You don't even play the game? | ||
| No, mine was super bizarre, and I've told the story, so in the interest of brevity, it was a werewolf and a gorilla were 69ing each other in my dream. | ||
| It was a big... | ||
| Big fucking brown werewolf and a big gray gorilla. | ||
| And they were 69 each other. | ||
| And I was trying to walk really quietly because I didn't want them to wake up. | ||
| I didn't want them to come after me. | ||
| It was so vivid. | ||
| It was the most ridiculous fucking vivid dream I've ever had. | ||
| I can remember the texture on the wall. | ||
| I can remember what the table looked like where they were 69 each other. | ||
| I had the worst Joe Rogan dream the other day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me? | |
| I was in it? | ||
| Yeah, it was all about you. | ||
| He was getting raped by a mummy? | ||
| No, it was worse. | ||
| I did Alpha Brain and it was very creepy. | ||
| I almost don't even want to say it. | ||
| But I woke up and I told my girlfriend... | ||
| Shouldn't that be some gay shit, son? | ||
| I woke up... | ||
| This is no time to divulge anything. | ||
| Sometimes it's best to keep your secrets, boy. | ||
| Yeah, does that mean I'm... | ||
| Alright, so what happens? | ||
| You had a fighter on? | ||
| We were doing a podcast and we had a fighter on. | ||
| And then he leaned over and kissed you. | ||
| And I'm like, whoa, did that just happen? | ||
| And I'm like, Joe, the camera's on right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he goes, oh, well, I guess there's nothing to say then. | |
| Or something like that. | ||
| What? | ||
| Really intense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| An intense kiss between a man and a man. | ||
| It was like a fighter, too. | ||
| I think it was like GSP or something. | ||
| That is so weird. | ||
| Yeah, you've got a very weird way of looking at men, Brian. | ||
| I was creeped out by it, though. | ||
| It was really creepy. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm creeped out by the fact that you fucking thought that. | |
| Fucking weirdo, man. | ||
| And then it was like, the whole camera thing, it was like, you got really mad after the show about the camera being on, and it I was like, you ruined me! | ||
| Wow, I ruined you. | ||
| I'm kissing dudes and I'm worried about you taking pictures of me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were holding the guy's hand the whole time. | |
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| God, Brian. | ||
| Is this a regular flashlight? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's a real flashlight. | ||
| John Hefron has the best flashlight, fleshlight joke. | ||
| He says we should make a fleshlight that's also a flashlight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you never know where your flashlight is, but you always know where your flashlight is. | ||
| Ah. | ||
| So true, right? | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Hefron, you fucking genius, you! | ||
| You see, that's... |
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