Joe Rogan and Duncan Trussell blend absurdity with deep dives—from "Rogan" discount dildos to Parisian cheese, critiquing institutional Christianity’s twisted interpretations like Bachmann’s "Pray Away the Gay" clinic. They mock drone strikes in Pakistan, question profit-driven military contracts (e.g., Blackwater), and debate psychedelics’ potential for societal growth despite risks. Trussell’s chimp-set horror clashes with Rogan’s CGI praise, while Onnit’s "Angelize" pills spark multiverse theories: cosmic collisions birthing relativity or communism. Raw milk dreams segue into food safety, but the core message lingers—progress thrives when systems stop stifling wild ideas and human evolution. [Automatically generated summary]
But I hadn't eaten there yet, and I was super stoned.
And it was the first time I'd ever eaten, like, French cheese.
And I almost passed out because it tasted so good.
I swear to God, I got a momentary vertigo where I was like, I've been eating prison cafeteria food for my entire life because the food over there is better.
It's like the way they cook at this place that we went to, they were cooking.
We ordered this like rib platter for two and they cook this giant slab of meat on an open fire like above a fireplace and you can watch it in the restaurant and the restaurant feels like something Out of like the 1600s or something.
One thing that I never appreciated, I think, before I started watching that No Reservations show was that...
That food, the preparation of food is really an art form.
It really, truly is an art form.
I mean, I kind of knew that abstractly, and I always, like, appreciated good chefs, but until I watched that show, you see that guy's passion, how he describes food, how addictive it is, you know?
What's the word I'm looking for?
Not addictive.
It's, like, it's...
It just gets you hungry.
The way he describes things, I never get more hungry than when I'm watching that show.
It's like you realize that people who are really badass chefs, all these guys, they all have ideas and thoughts and a method to how they prepare things.
And it's so fascinating that it's just to maximize the impact that it has on the palate.
And it's this strange art form, the art form of flavor.
And I never really appreciated that until I watched that show.
And then you see a really well-prepared dish, and you're like, wow, that guy just fucked me up with some crazy crab with squid ink pasta.
And you realize that these creations of textures and combinations of flavors, it really is a badass art form.
Yeah, and you get this, when you taste something really good like that, you get a glimpse at how there's this spectrum of sense gratification, and some people in some parts of the world have figured out ways to hit the higher ends of it.
So if you're only experiencing life at this one spectrum of it, then when you do get something super high-end like that, it's really intense.
It's amazing to think people eat like that every day.
And also, the weird thing about a lot of people in Paris...
They fucking eat so much.
And they eat all day long.
It seems like everything there is about eating or going out to eat with your friends.
And it's this very serious ritual.
Like when you go to a restaurant, it has the same energy of like, you feel like you're in an air traffic control tower.
People are eating in this serious way.
It's like they're taking in an art or listening to a symphony in some of these restaurants.
Not all of them, but some of them.
It's intense.
And there's like...
Four waiters.
They're dressed like super formally.
There's kids being trained since they were like 15 to be waiters.
And so it's this cultural, it's embedded into their culture and they've really refined it and it's really fucking cool.
But French people, the ones we see, you don't see fat people there.
They're eating all the fucking time, but most of them are thin.
So, underneath Paris, basically, and I don't know the exact history behind this, but what happened is, I think because of the Black Plague, Everyone starts dying.
They're having these mass die-offs, and they ran out of room in the cemeteries.
So they had to dig up all the bones from the cemeteries surrounding Paris, and they took them under Paris into these limestone quarries and created these things called ossuaries, which are these open-air crypts.
And someone has gone in basically, so to get there, you go down these winding steps that go down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down to a point where you start feeling like you're going crazy because you just keep seeing more steps and more steps and more steps and more steps and your mind starts saying you are going deep deep underground like we're talking like out of breath on the stair master steps like way down to the the
quarries under the city And you sort of walk around and then suddenly you come out into hallways of bones, just Yellowed old French bones that someone has stacked into patterns like crucifixes and it looks like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house when you go in the movie where they have bone sculptures everywhere.
It's like that.
They've just someone just took like a shitload of femurs and it's like I think I could make a crucifix out of this and like so there's a cross in the middle there's stacks of skulls.
They say there's nine million skeletons down there.
Nine million.
So nine million lives are completely anonymous now.
No one knows who the fuck they are.
All you see is just, there's no names.
There's not a wall listing who's down there.
It's just row upon row upon row of skulls and skulls.
And I swear to God.
It's got to be the worst job on the planet.
I passed this French kid whose job is to sit in a lawn chair down there and observe people to make sure they don't steal bones.
And I walked by the kid and he was like pale and sick because it's damp down there and it kind of sounded like he was talking to himself in French.
So, as it turns out, under Paris, the catacombs that the tourists are in, that's only a fraction of the catacombs.
There is miles and miles and miles of winding catacombs.
One of our waiters told us that people go down there, and they get lost, and they find them down there, and they've starved to death in the fucking catacombs.
You'd probably just be absorbed with the energy of what it must have been like to see millions of people just rot in front of you by some incurable disease that was inescapable.
And you just had a hope that some of the genetics would carry on, that some people would be able to live through this shit.
If you look up spontaneous generation, it'll pop up the year that they believe this.
But there was an obstetrician who suddenly came up with this crazy idea.
He thought that If doctors washed their hands between handling, like doing an autopsy or handling a dead body and delivering a baby, then maybe the mothers wouldn't die as much as they were dying of this infection called pleurosis.
So he's like, we should start maybe washing our hands, guys, after you handle the rotting corpse and then put your hand in that lady's pussy.
Why don't you wash your hands?
And doctors were like, you're a fucking lunatic.
You think if we wash our hands after we handle a corpse and touch a woman's open, dilated pussy that it's going to keep her from getting the infections they've been getting?
A gentleman's hands are always clean.
That's what the doctor said.
No joke.
So this guy tried all these experiments and he dropped the death rate in one of these wards where women are giving birth to 1% where it was 30% in other places.
And he kept talking.
You've got to wash your hands.
You wash it with this kind of chemical mix and the people won't die.
You should wash your hands.
Germs are getting into people, but I don't think they knew what germs were anyway.
Towards the end of his life, they said he got dementia, but I think it was just because he knew that he had discovered this thing, that he proved he could save so many lives and no one would listen to him.
But what happens is a lot of these people back when they were painting those pictures were just artists who were getting paid by the church and they needed to make money, but they liked the male form.
And so they were painting like they were making Jesus hot.
Sex Jesus.
Erotic Jesus.
Wow.
Christianity, a lot of Christianity is fucking S-N-M. Think about it.
The Son of God comes down to the world and what happens?
He tells the truth and he gets spanked and a crown of thorns and whipped with lashes and nailed to a fucking cross and everyone's into it.
And so you're just supposed to believe that the dude came back from the dead.
And that anybody would write that he would come back from the dead.
Anything else that you would read from them would not be equally ridiculous.
Because we understand dead now.
We understand that now.
You're saying that we must discount all scientific knowledge ever.
Just because there's an ancient book that says some stuff, and if you go along with it, you have to just assume that this was a one-time thing, and that this one time, these amazing, miraculous things that defy science happened.
We just have to assume that these people, who barely could write shit down, were super accurate about it.
Let's even think one step before that, which is the religion that they've built around this thing that...
Based on all scientific evidence is possibly a myth?
The religion they based around this character, Jesus, Is nowhere close to the things the character said in the book that they read.
Jesus didn't walk around saying you need to go to church.
Here's an idea.
Build a church and every Sunday go to the church and sit down in an uncomfortable seat and read prayers pre-written from people that you barely understand and then give 10% of your income to this group of people and just trust that they're going to use it in the right way.
Jesus never said anything like that.
In the New Testament, if you read this stuff, mostly the idea of the thing seems to be, if you love the people around you as much as you can, and if you're tuned into God or the love force of the universe, and you love that too, then you are going to have a great life.
That seems to be the message.
You don't need a priest.
You don't need a church.
You don't need anybody.
You don't have to follow the rules.
At the time, he was in Judaism.
There are very strict rules about how you're supposed to live.
And he was saying, we don't have to follow these rules.
I don't have to do anything that you're saying.
I have my own direct connection with the super intelligence, super abundance of the universe.
And that's all I need.
And so then they killed him.
So you've got that.
And then what builds up around it?
Fucking Michelle Bachman.
unidentified
Pray away the gay just like Jesus wanted.
Jesus didn't want somebody sticking their tentacle in somebody's excretory tube.
But, you know, I used to, when I was in college, take LSD and read the New Testament.
And it was the most awesome psychedelic thing ever because you're reading it and you're thinking like, this, no matter what this is, it's shaped so much of society.
These words shape so many people's lives.
And so just from that alone, it's super psychedelic.
But what did it come from?
What's the original language?
What's it based on?
There's all these awesome ideas, you know, because there's a lot of books in the Gospels that didn't make it into the final cut that are equally valid and are far more esoteric and have, like, really weird ideas.
I've read stuff that it's based in, like...
This form of religion called Gnosticism, which I don't know too much about.
I've heard that it's like some weird desert cult called the Essenes or that it's somehow the formulation of all these different desert mysticisms kind of merging into the, you know, they embodied it in the form of this person to transmit this bigger information about the idea that they're,
you know, we're all children of some super intelligence and that if we give up our greed and selfishness and Love other people like we love ourselves, then that would create like a, you know, if everyone did that, then we would be living on Paris.
This would be utopia.
We would be in some kind of super communist, mystical, spiritual state where everyone's completely connected with each other.
Like, imagine...
Really feeling about everyone around you the same way you feel about yourself.
It means don't differentiate other people from your life.
No more differentiation.
We're all the same.
We're all completely connected.
We're all children of this universe and so we should treat each other with love.
Unfortunately, there would have to be some gigantic event that got rid of currency or got rid of the idea of competing for currency.
As long as people are still competing, competing for job positions, competing their company against other companies, as long as there's capitalism going on, that push for money, that push to make money, You're always going to get this same kind of douchey, cunty, chimp-like behavior.
It's a competition.
It's obvious, way obvious, that most people are working way harder than is both healthy and is desirable.
They're working ridiculous hours and pushing harder than ever because they need more money.
They want more money.
They need more money.
It's like there's a drive, like a fucking...
Wild machine behind it.
As long as that's there, fuck, man.
How are you going to get everybody to just have resources available?
Are you going to trust people to work?
Are you going to trust everyone to put in their share?
All of us are going to trust all of us?
And what do we do when someone doesn't?
If we're supposed to love them like we love ourselves, are we just supposed to let them just fuck everything up all around them and let them go into super sabotage, spin-out mode where they destroy everything in their vicinity and nobody stops them from doing that?
Yeah, that's the other crazy aspect of Christianity is it's...
Ultra-pacifism.
It's like super-pacifism, and the message of the thing was supposed to be, look, this being that they're killing is the physical manifestation of the universe.
It could fight back.
It could shoot lasers out of its eyes.
It's a superhero, but it's letting itself...
I don't know why I'm calling Jesus an it, whatever.
It's letting itself get killed to give a message, and the message is this.
There are some things that are more important than life.
And if you want to get caught up in this dimension and you want to save your body, you want to try to save your body, go ahead.
It's going to die no matter what.
You're dead meat.
There's no way you're going to make it through this dimension.
No one makes it out alive, whatever Jim Morrison said.
No one gets out of this alive.
We all die.
So if you want to focus and fixate on protecting yourself, fine.
But the idea is that you're supposed to completely surrender to this energy.
And once you really make that move, which they say is an act of faith, which I mean...
By the way, this is purely speculation.
I have not given my heart to Jesus.
But I think about, you know, what would happen if you did just become completely...
How would we put it all into perspective, put it all into order?
How would we ensure that everyone follows along with it?
Is that the next stage of evolution?
Is the next stage of evolution the idea that people have gotten to a point technologically where we can start to join together as one thing again?
You know what I'm saying?
Like that there had to be a certain peak of competition.
To get us to a point where we have created some really boundary dissolving technology and when that point happens then through that very technology as in the internet people slowly start to assimilate to some level of understanding and awareness that wasn't previously achieved because there was this constant state of Competition to try to get to that technological point.
And that's when you get to that state and suddenly you're in Egypt.
Because you're starting to understand about what's going on and you're getting this information from the internet, showing you what other people in other parts of the world, how they're living.
The point is suddenly, like, a lot of shit starts seeming really, like, we've been asked to believe a lot of stuff.
Kind of like you ask your kids to believe a lot of stuff when they're growing up, and you do it to keep them safe.
You tell them these stories, and you want them to believe it.
But eventually, your kid knows that whatever story you told them about where the baby is coming from isn't completely real, and your kid's going to start wanting to know the truth.
And then at that age, you tell your kid the truth, and it's uncomfortable or whatever you would tell them the truth.
But now, it's like we still have kings.
We have kings and queens.
They're still serious kings.
And you're expecting people to keep believing this king is any more special than anyone else?
Like, okay, you want me to keep buying this thing about the king, about how he gets to wear the throne and gets to have the giant fucking mansion that he lives in and all this property he lives in because he's a king and he's in the bloodline of some what?
What are you talking about?
We're all the same, man!
I gotta keep playing this fucking masquerade party with you and believe you're a king?
It's like that kind of stuff where people are like, okay, so you're a president?
Oh, I get it.
Okay, so I guess I'm supposed to believe that there's a government which is mostly just like, what, 120 old men in a room?
I'm supposed to believe they're the ones who know how to do everything and that system's the right way?
And it's like, all that stuff starts, you know, spreading where people are like, I don't know if I can believe the whole you're a cop, I'm a person thing.
It's getting kind of hard for me.
I mean, I believe it because you got a billy club and you're fucking...
Beating my friend in a wheelchair to death, but I'm not sure if you really represent the real authority of the world.
And so that kind of stuff starts emerging and emerging as people evolve, and the authority in the world is like, fuck, you gotta believe the game!
If you don't believe this fucking game, we don't know what to do.
What are we gonna do?
We can't just reformat everything all of a sudden.
But, you know, you don't need to be in a cage for smoking pot.
You don't need to be in a cage for taking acid or taking mushrooms.
You don't need to be in a cage because you told people that the military was using fucking military choppers to gun down reporters and you had the balls to tell that to the world.
That's no reason to put someone in a cage.
So it's like, at some point, a certain number of people realize, okay, this is like a kid's game.
This is a game of make-believe that went way too far.
And I don't feel like doing this game of make-believe anymore because it's destroying the planet.
So we've got to come up with a new game that works.
How are you going to convince those 60 or 120 old fucking drooling men shitting their pants, getting payoffs from the tobacco companies, writing bullshit laws without hesitation?
How are you going to convince them, like, you know what?
Do you guys mind going home?
And we're going to get some young people in here because they understand the world.
There's some fucking dude living in one of those loft apartments where you can drive your car up in an elevator and he's by himself right now carving his blade of his knife.
It seems like if it could affect your body the way some colds can affect your body, they should be able to engineer something that could affect your brain.
Well, I haven't done MDMA much or molly or whatever it's called much, but I did it once without having that and then once with having it and it was a totally big difference.
There was no hangover at all like the next day.
And it's just like you take it before you do it and then after right before you go to bed.
God, if everybody was in some sort of a way, the way people are during an acid trip or an MDMA trip, you never would have to worry about fights ever again.
brain can be engineered to operate at those RPMs on a regular basis.
Because now the idea is that you take this MDMA, you take ecstasy, whatever the fuck it is, and it makes you high for a brief moment and then brings you down But what if the mind could sustain those levels of those chemicals on a regular basis?
I mean, is that not possible?
Why would anyone assume we could not evolve to that?
If we've come to this point from some shit-throwing, you know, tree-swinging little monkey people, If that's what we used to be, and we've come this far, we can't take that other leap to have the levels of chemicals in our brains operate so that you would be like you were on ecstasy all the time.
That would be the way to engineer a loving culture.
Because I did not feel stupid when I was on it, which was very amazing that I could think very clearly.
But I remember thinking, wow, how silly are my insecurities?
Imagine like another universe where instead of building an atomic bomb, Einstein or these scientists had come up with these theories and physics of a way to create, like, some kind of device that blasts pure love into people so that when it goes off, the city that it's in, everyone in the city gets filled with, like, as though you were on the best ecstasy on the planet, that level of love.
So you're at war with a country, and instead of destroying them, you're just blasting them with love chemicals so that there's no way that they can...
You're saying that you're not comfortable with the speed at which evolution is happening.
It's obvious that people are evolving, but you're not comfortable that people haven't reached your level yet, so your fucking solution is to engineer some way to poison them.
Warren Buffet just wrote some big article on corporate taxes and why do I have to pay so little taxes?
Why do all my super rich friends get to pay taxes?
And he described in detail a bunch of crazy clauses that are in place that allow these guys to only have like 17% taxes and especially people that make their money with money.
There's all sorts of things that can be factored in and because of that they pay even less taxes.
He said that Congress is in the pocket of corporations.
Whether this is true or not, I don't know.
But I did read, if you go to Boehner's Wikipedia page...
It's spelled boner, but Boehner, B-O-E-H-N-E-R. If you go to his Wikipedia page, it talks about one of the controversies around him was that there was a big vote coming up against tobacco.
And right before the vote happened, he went and passed out checks from big tobacco on the floor to all these senators.
He passed it out publicly.
And I don't know what this exactly was, but...
So that guy's bought.
He's passing out checks from tobacco companies in our government.
Like, that guy's bought.
It's on Wikipedia.
Look it up, and maybe someone can really explain to me why he did that or what's happened there.
So we have what's called a bought Congress.
We have our leaders, many of them, are in the pockets of the corporations.
Their decisions aren't based on the will of the people.
Their decisions are based on what's better for the corporations and the mega-rich.
And fucking Warren Buffett just went out and talked about it.
Make that stop.
When does it happen?
Guess what?
Democracy didn't work.
Didn't work.
They beat it.
They figured it out.
Of course they figured it out.
It's like the Rubik's Cube.
You do it enough times, somebody's gonna fucking figure out how to beat the Rubik's Cube.
They figured it out.
The fucking founding fathers talked about this very thing, the possibility of this kind of thing happening.
It happened.
Now what do we do?
What do you do?
Do you sit and drink Starbucks and buy your fucking iPhone and fucking play video games and get on a podcast from time to time and whine?
Or do you fucking do something?
When do you do something?
That's what I want to know.
When do people act?
That's why I'm so fascinated with fucking anonymous right now, because they're acting No matter what people says, oh, they're just a bunch of 14-year-olds in the basement of their Bob's house.
I don't think so.
They just fucking did a—they shut down train stations.
And then these 14-year-olds that are in basements who are thinking they're doing a good job are now going, okay, now we're going to get in prison for 60 years and a federal crime.
Here's the thing, but for the rest of history, if every member of whatever this mysterious weird group is gets arrested tomorrow, for the rest of time, They still will exist as an organization that was one of the first emergent revolutionary organizations in the technological age.
If you think about that stuff too much, God, especially if you...
If you eat mushrooms and your brain decides to start thinking about the Taliban, oh God, that's the worst.
I have rolled against the wall of my fucking apartment, clutching my head with visions of bearded strangers strapping suicide bombs to their bodies and wandering into the streets to blow up other people.
When you really consider that this happens, at this very second right now, There's two things happening.
There's a guy at fucking Halliburton who's screwing the top on a Hellfire missile that no doubt will land in some playground in Afghanistan and incinerate some toddlers, and he's like, ah!
Almost off work!
Only six more of these I gotta screw on.
There's that guy and then there's some guy in the Middle East right now strapping a fucking belt around his waist and he's got a little timer or a phone and he's buttoning everything up and he knows that any second, like in the next hour or two, he's going to be hamburger meat all over some fucking cafe or hotel.
That's so weird.
We live in...
These are two insane people.
I frankly think one's a lot crazier than the other, and it ain't the fucking guy with a bomb belt.
unidentified
It's the fucking weirdos like, yeah, just screwing the tops on missiles.
They just got some giant crazy contracts with the United Arab Emirates.
And they're gonna, you know, I think it's like in Abu Dhabi, maybe Abu Dhabi.
They're starting like a private military.
You know, he's putting together some crazy mercenary group to shut down uprisings and make sure that no nutty shit happens and they don't lose all their money.
It kind of sucks that while he was in that fucking vortex, he like started saying that people could start raiding medicinal marijuana dispensaries again.
And here's the problem with this idea of medical, is that I believe, at least the way I understand it, that it can be interpreted that the only way you're supposed to be running one of these collectives and dispensaries is you're not supposed to be making any profit.
I believe they're supposed to be a non-profit sort of a business.
But obviously these people are making a fuckload of money.
So it's a very tricky sort of a gray area that's going on right now.
So I'm not even happy with just the medical distinction.
It's silliness.
It's 2011. Any argument about giving any inches or just anything at all in that direction.
Like, okay, well maybe we should make it illegal if you're...
You can take that fucking cactus, and if you know how to do it, there's a bunch of forms that will show you how to go through a step-by-step process online.
It's not just fucked up, it's like that, if there's a one thing that has to happen, the first thing that's gonna happen, and people don't put as much stock into this idea because it seems like a silly request, but if you could fix anything about the world, what would you do?
I'd make psychedelics regularly available and legal and have people and devote energy and money to studying them and to distributing them correctly.
And if you have any weird sort of a personality tick like that, and you do any psychedelic, even eat pot, just eat a cookie, man.
That's the first thing that's going to hit you.
You're going to think about being a creepy person.
You're going to think about your creepy behavior.
If there's ever a way to re-engineer society, it's to shock people out of their current pattern of behavior that they find almost unavoidable.
The same patterns that cause people to overeat or chronic masturbation, we have to figure out a way to blast people out of those.
Shock you out of the pattern, show you yourself from an angle or perspective that's not available without the psychedelic, then bring you back and give you something to think about.
You know, it's like these little trips, these little blasts.
They're just little bursts of evolution.
It's society.
You see yourself.
You see how you can fit.
You see nice.
You see positive.
Good.
I'll see you in a couple months.
And just keep doing that.
And every couple months, people go in, get blasted, talk to people.
People talk through situations and tell them about ego and that it's all a trick and it's Just temporary anyway, man.
The best feeling you'll ever get is to be really cool to as many people as you can.
The best feeling you'll ever get is just to be nice to as many people as you can.
Be friendly to them, shake their hand, hug them if you can, and just be someone that other people enjoy to be around.
When you do that, you create positive energy, you create love, you create this burst comes from you and you attract it and you bring it into your world.
See you in a couple months.
And then the guy comes back every couple months.
One trip after another.
And a year later, you can't even recognize this guy.
A year later, this guy is fucking eating organic food and drinking coconut water and going to CrossFit and reading about the Bhagavad Gita.
To me the most amazing is getting high and doing yoga.
Dude, I love to get super baked.
I get baked in hotel rooms and I'll do yoga.
I got like a few DVDs and I got one thing that I downloaded that I can watch on my laptop.
Dude, I'll get just blitzkrieked so you're just in tune with every fucking fiber of your muscles and you're holding these poses and I'm reading from this book that has this fucking black and white photo of this Indian dude doing it from 1934 and he's doing these crazy ass fucking poses and I'm holding them in this hotel room and then after I'm done man It's like it takes the high and brings it to this completely new room.
It's super clean and it's like you sit here in this new room and just relax a little until the yoga wears off and then you can go right back in.
It's like it puts you in some crazy new high room where you're like, I can see things so well right now.
So I, from this pilot I did for Comedy Central, we had a chimpanzee as one of the gags where I was playing chess with a chimpanzee and the chimpanzee beat me at a move.
And so, so like, oh, a chimpanzee is smarter than me.
It's just a stupid quick gag.
Like a computer's hooked up to the chimp and like, it says checkmate, the computer says checkmate.
So, I was really excited about this day and my friend, Tom Giannis, who was the co-creator of the show and directed it, he kept telling me, Duncan, do you think there's any way we could do this without a chimp?
Or do you really want to have a chimpanzee?
Because I've worked with chimpanzees before and they're really hard to control on set and they're dangerous.
And I'm like, you know, I want to work with a chimp, man.
I'm not going to say no to working with a chimp, and they're not dangerous, and they're going to sense that I'm a nice guy, and the chimpanzee's going to know I'm okay, and it's going to be fine.
I was looking forward to this for days, because I've always wanted to fucking hold a chimpanzee.
So, the chimp gets here.
I know the chimp's there because it's punching the hardwood floor as hard as it can as it's coming down to where we're shooting.
It's just punching the floor.
Punching the floor.
Punching the floor.
Bang!
This fucking thing, it looks like if you took a toddler and just blasted it with steroids.
It's like, imagine the most muscular toddler with the worst case of ADD on the planet.
That's a chimpanzee.
And so right before he starts shooting, the guy says, okay, just so you guys know, it's a very friendly monkey.
So this fucking monkey, so he's like, just so you know, the chimpanzee is the strongest person in the room.
If he comes up to you, he just wants to say hi, he's very friendly, just don't make any quick movements.
And so, suddenly this chimp is sitting in front of me, and it goes from being like, oh this is going to be cute, to being like, this is no different than being with a tiger.
This thing is fucking strong.
It seems kind of focused and cool right now, but it was being a little weird earlier.
How big was it?
I don't know the weight of the thing.
It was probably like a little higher than my waist, like with the chimp crouch happening.
But there's a picture on this site of a painting someone did at Planet of the Apes and it's these apes with guns standing in front of a pile of dead human bodies like they're hunters posing with like things that they've killed.
Now that's cool when I see that because then they're really playing that like we flip the script here's what it's here's that Planet of the Apes By showing monkeys behaving like humans do, it was a cool, creative way to amplify the cruelty and humanity and brutality of humans.
That was an important aspect of it, is the monkeys were supposed to be cruel to things that they didn't think were smart.
So, the fact that these, their distant ancestors started off as, like, what appears to be, it seems like while that chimp was getting educated, he got a nice, heavy dose of, like, some form of, like...
But you could make a movie where it would be all the scenes from King Kong and from the Hulk where they were just smashing everything, and I would watch that movie.
It could be like 40 minutes.
I would pay $20 to go to see just a video of the Hulk fucking shit up for 20 minutes and then King Kong fucking shit up.
But we were willing to go along with it because it was kind of fun.
There was no doubt the water would not move that way if it was really the ocean.
That's a goddamn bathtub.
There's no doubt.
But we were willing to accept it because it was kind of a cool movie.
What's fun for me now is I just love watching these artificially created creatures that have been rendered on a computer and people are interacting with them.
To me, like the King Kong scene, when King Kong falls down, in the newest King Kong, he falls down in between these two Yeah.
Yeah.
And while you're watching, it's like, god damn, this is a motion picture piece of art.
This is a masterpiece what they've done.
This really does look like a giant gorilla fighting off T-Rexes.
That's fucking badass.
And it really does look like it's interacting with trees.
It really does.
It's amazing.
When the fucking gorilla gets to the ground and starts duking it out with them, it's like, that really looks like a gorilla.
When you hear about computer language, I watched John Carmack do this speech about the new technology and their game, Rage, and all the different cool tweaks and different things that they've done with it.
Remember when we went there, when we were in Dallas and we got a chance to go, id software, they let us go walk around the studio and look at the game before it was ever made?
Dude, you listen to him talk and it's like, my brain is so far removed from any of this knowledge.
What he's discussing with how they've created video games, how they've changed the way the game interacts with people, and I know he's doing this with ones and zeros and numbers on white paper.
Somebody was just telling me that programmers' brains start working differently because they're constantly thinking in coding language and it creates this difference in the way their brains work, which I didn't really understand.
Well, it's because our society is sort of developed and evolved without much planning.
It sort of just happened.
And as we are this weird combination of Evolving being an animal with needs and instincts, there's a lot of variables that don't get accounted for as behavior forms into patterns and cultures evolve around giant masses of land.
It doesn't get planned out.
But I always feel, just like I feel with any pattern that is established in nature, I always feel that the most fucked up human behavior, all of it, the whole pile of it all, has got to all be natural.
It's almost unavoidable.
This is just what the human being does.
And as we are older and have much less responsibility than most people, you know, 30 years ago, Or rather, 300 years ago.
It's almost like we're designed to die off right when we start going, wait a minute, what the fuck are we doing?
Hey, hey, hey, everybody settle down.
What exactly are we doing here?
That's when we're supposed to heart failure.
That's when your shit's supposed to quit.
But we're alive so much longer now because of nutrition and medicine and people are just, they're more...
They're more conscious and a person like yourself has more free time as well and more free time to contemplate and you're in a non-conformist occupation where you're not constantly pressured every day to thinking along certain lines because that's a real issue with the American worker.
You think you're given eight hours a day but you're not given eight hours a day.
You're given eight hours a day plus your behavior outside of work can't get much too crazy In comparison to your behavior inside of work, or it's going to affect your performance at work.
You can't be partying too much and coming into work hungover, so the whole thing must be regulated.
So everybody has to stay in line.
You can't get crazy and say sexist jokes around female co-workers, or you'll go to jail, all right?
You'll be arrested.
You'll lose money because of sexual harassment.
You know, if you fire her, you're going to get sued.
And these are all, this is all like...
It's an impossible thing to avoid if you're a normal person working a normal job.
It's impossible for you to avoid your behavior being altered just so that you can work.
There's a game that people forgot they were playing.
It's called Western Society.
And most people, the way they play that game is they have to...
There's different roles they take.
There's the worker and the boss.
There's the executive.
There's the president.
There's police officers.
And it's all a big game.
When you go and buy a Starbucks, I learned this.
There's a really cool meditative technique you can do that's part of this stuff this guy Gurdjieff talks about, but it basically shows you how you're essentially just a series of automatic functions throughout the day.
You're not even there.
But what you do is when you go to buy something, just...
Be aware of the way you buy something.
Watch the way your hand gets your wallet.
Watch the way the money or the card comes out.
Watch the way you swipe the card.
Watch the way you talk to the person.
Watch the way the person talks to you.
And what you'll see happening is something you've been doing for years and years and years and years and years and years over and over and over again to buying shit because you live in America and that's how we fucking survive is buying shit at a cash register.
Just a great way to see how when you do that, your body goes into this automated function.
Get the wall, pull the cards, say thanks in a weird way.
Look at the person.
If you look at the person, you're seeing an automaton.
You're seeing a person who's put their consciousness on the shelf while they, like, all day long process people's cards, process people's cards.
So what you're seeing is two machines having this interaction.
And it's really fucking a great exercise to do because what you're seeing is a game that you've been playing so long, you've forgotten you're playing that game.
You've learned how to buy shit at a cash register.
There was a time when you'd never bought something at a cash register when you were a kid and then your parents taught you how to do it.
You learned how to exchange money for goods and that crystallized to this ritual that you don't even know is a ritual.
It's just this automatic thing.
This fucking game of Western society, it invites people to become automatons.
To get through the day when you're like, I used to wash dishes at Applebee's and I can remember like the way that you would get through the day of washing dishes is you just go into this automatic trance.
It's just a trance.
Spray the dish, put in the thing.
Wash, scrub, put in the thing.
It's just an automatic trance.
You're there, but you're not really there.
You're just in a trance and you do it as an escape from the Monotony and dullness of the job.
Yeah, I think that I feel incredibly lucky and also I feel like always on the precipice of absolute disaster.
There's something really quite peaceful about having a Regular paycheck, man.
There's something really nice about that.
That's fucking cool to know every two weeks you're getting a paycheck.
That's badass.
So that life of working a job and having a regular job, it is...
There's sweetness to it, man.
And it facilitates having babies.
And it facilitates a lot of aspects of life that I think are quite pleasurable on a really high level.
So I totally get it.
It's just, you know, is there a way that this...
This process that we're all engaged in, this gigantic game that we're all in, this crazy dance of Western civilization that we're all engaged in, is there a way that we can take it up a level?
Is there a way we can make it a little more aware of itself, a little more cognizant of itself, a little less embedded in superstition?
Again, I've gotta go to what I said before, is that I think that things are evolving, you just are not happy with the pace.
I think that we live in such a tiny frame, a tiny window of time, and the amount of progress that we're looking at, just from a thousand years to now, is monumental.
2,000 years to now and human behavior and knowledge and access to information off the charts how much it's progressed.
And you're just caught in the middle of it.
And it's not going to stop.
With the internet and with the access to information that's available now and the ability to communicate now, truth is getting through more often than not.
Truth is piling on.
There's a lot of bullshit out there still, but it's way easier to cut the bullshit off with the internet.
It's evolving.
It's just not evolving up to your speed, what you would like to see.
But just look at the way people think, act, and behave now as compared to the way they did at the turn of the century.
There's no question.
And that's not even a blink of an eye.
Not even a blink of an eye.
It's unquestionably moving in a certain direction.
And yeah, it's quagmired in greed and built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit, but it's still spiraling towards the technological singularity.
I mean, I think it's all an ingredient in a gigantic metaphysical sort of a soup.
It's all piled in together there, you know, and everyone's doing their little part, but it's changing slow for our ideas and our tastes, but compared to history, the rapid pace of evolution, and not even evolution, progress, the complexification of our society, it's blowing up in our face.
We're hanging on tooth and nail, literally, you know?
There's a lot of people that still haven't even grasped how much it's changed.
That's why when you have all these wacko gay Republican dudes that get busted online getting hookers, you know, getting male hookers, like this new guy that just got caught.
Somebody just sent it to me on Twitter.
I don't know his fucking name, but you know the story.
The story just keeps happening over and over again.
The same goddamn story.
This guy wanted to pay some dude to have sex with him and he got caught with it.
It's fascinating, man.
It's fascinating shit.
Human animals a very strange mixture of complex thinking and awareness and then some just wild monkey jealousy and instincts and fears and it's all Piled together in this weird fucking biological machine and just like go ahead figure this out You got a bunch of things pulling you a bunch of different directions and a lot of lies around you.
Good luck And get pushed out there and try to find things to sustain the body while the mind searches for answers and like-minded people to hang with in order to compare ideas so you don't feel like you're crazy, you don't feel like you're the only person out there on the beach howling at the moon saying, what the fuck is this?
Somebody please make sense of this shit.
Somebody?
Is there anybody out there?
On the internet now you can send that fucking message in a bottle and someone answers.
Dude, right here.
WTF. What the fuck?
What's going on?
What's happening?
And everybody gets together.
And that's the hive mind.
That's how the mind really thickens.
That's how things really start getting connected.
It's happening right now.
It really is, man.
We're only dealing with a two-decade-old invention.
Two decades is a fucking fraction of the time it takes for your eye to close.
That's why it's so incredible what Anonymous did by creating a protest that got broadcast nationally to every...
internationally.
People saw that shit.
And if they hadn't have done that, if they'd been content with just having conversations about it, it wouldn't have escalated to the level that it escalated to.
And a lot of those guys got arrested.
Like, they put...
Freedom of information in front of their own freedom.
That is heroic.
That's badass.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm saying at some point, people have got to, like, stand up.
Because if you don't, if no one had stood up, if no one had done that, if there had been no protests, if Bart didn't know that every time they try to shut the fucking phone lines down, they're going to get swarmed.
But sometimes with kids, you give them like intelligence tests where they have to like do like certain things, you know?
And imagine if that's what this whole thing is.
Some kind of alien intelligence test where after you solve this certain puzzle, you get moved along.
And the way it looks when you get moved along is you're Gandhi taking a bullet in the chest or you're you know you're some you're someone who just like maybe you just have a heart attack like sometimes I've thought I wonder if there's like a thought you can have or a place you can get to where you just get it to the point where you don't have to stick around here like they say that some yogis through meditation Have just like meditated and meditated and they can willfully just leave their body.
They call it dropping your body.
They don't call it death.
Dropping your body.
unidentified
I wouldn't put that past the realm of possibility.
If you consider the fact that your brain, we know, produces a bunch of different psychedelic chemicals, who's to say there's not some way to trigger those?
There's not some way to stimulate those by putting yourself into a frequency through meditation where you force the brain to accept a certain vibe, just a certain frequency.
And in doing so, you can actually force your brain into producing certain chemicals.
And then you fucking blast off.
I mean, the brain makes psychedelics.
Fact.
Fact.
The human body makes psychedelics.
Fact.
We know it does.
Makes a bunch of things that affect your behavior.
There's all sorts of things that stimulate you, affect you.
We know it makes all the crazy chemicals that exist that create the dream state.
I've been taking this fucking alpha brain shit and having the nuttiest dreams, man.
And I had a werewolf, gorilla sex dream.
It was the strangest fucking dream of all time.
It was so bizarre because it was so stupid but so real and so easy to recall.
These alpha brain things, man, one of the things that a bunch of people have tweeted me about this, too, that when you take them and have dreams, for whatever reason, you remember your dreams.
You know?
And this dream was so stupid.
It was a gorilla and he was right behind like a bulging and breaking piece of wallboard, you know, the white plaster.
And I had to squirt the fucking stuff to put him to sleep through it.
I couldn't quite get to him.
Then I had to run away and hide and he ran into a werewolf and they fucking fought and then started sucking each other's cocks.
It was the most ridiculous dream ever.
I don't know what the fuck it means, but this werewolf was on top sucking this gorilla's cock, and they were like 69ing each other.
Like there was these gorillas were these giant silverbacks and they were right behind this thin piece of wallboard.
And I had to inject them with this sedative.
I had to get them with it.
And I couldn't quite get to them.
And I pulled it out and he came through the wall and I ran.
And as I ran and then he runs into the werewolves.
Were they 69ing?
Dude, it became completely ridiculous.
Not only that, but the way they looked became completely ridiculous.
They went from being like a terrifying looking silverback gorilla to some sort of curious George halfway, you know, goofy looking, like smiling gorilla getting his dick sucked by a werewolf.
You know, it became completely cartoonish.
It was so strange.
I was like, I can't even wrap my head around how anybody would try to describe...
I mean, how are you going to tell me what's going on in my head?
When everything became a big gay joke, it's like you're running from a terrifying superior physical specimen in a giant silverback gorilla that you're trying to sedate through a wall with a needle?
Not all of them involving gorillas and werewolves.
Some of them have been weird people dreams of some science fiction dreams.
I've had some crazy ones.
I had this crazy dream about a world with a thousand Nikola Tesla's that instead of just one super genius oddball crazy man like Tesla this it was like a subsect of the species and it's like a thousand of them and they just in A matter of a few years time had these giant metal floating ships all throughout cities and everything was run through wireless electricity.
And this was me somehow or another in the 1950s.
This 1000 Teslas had moved society so rapidly before anybody could even control it because they were so far advanced.
It was like a thousand of them all together creating all this shit.
And in the 1950s, there was flying ships, and there was a type of electronic connectivity that was very similar to the way we're doing it now, but different.
Everyone could talk to people from these handsets that were all throughout the city.
Everyone was congested in this one place, and you could move to any handset and constantly be contacting people.
It's very trippy, man.
It was really weird.
Because it was like 1950s aesthetic, like the way people dress and a man going to work with a leather briefcase and even the certain type of hats they would wear with their glasses on Father Knows Best.
Meanwhile, there's flying metal ships and electricity in the air.
Tesla wanted to broadcast electricity.
He wanted it to be like radio signals.
And have it just fly through the air.
But then anybody could, just like radio, just all you need is a receiver to take it.
But in this crazy dream, the dream, like, almost had a title.
It was a thousand Teslas.
There was all these little crazy-looking dudes, eccentric-looking super-geniuses running around all together, like a thousand of them, creating all this nutty shit.
No one could keep up with the effects.
It was nothing like the slower pace that we've had to endure over.
Really, and you think about it, an extra half of a century ain't shit.
It's really not that much time ever to...
To have all this new technology together.
But if it all burst together in the 1950s, if we had all the access to all the different disciplines that we have today, if we had them in the 1950s, if there was really that kind of an evolutionary growth immediately from 1900 to 1950, that would be incredible.
That would be so fascinating.
If in a lifetime we go from 1900 to us right now, or advanced, or even more advanced, in 50 years.
Man, if you look back, if you want to see how much we've advanced, just go back like we were talking about earlier and check out the medical ideas that people had, the scientific ideas people had.
The theory that our universe is contained inside a bubble, and that bubble That multiple alternate universes exist inside their own bubbles, making up the multiverse, is for the first time being tested by physicists.
Two research papers published in Physical Review Letters and Physical Review D are the first to detail how to search for signatures of other universes.
Physicists are now searching for disk-like patterns in the cosmic microwave background.
Relic heat radiation left over from the Big Bang, which could provide telltale evidence of collisions between other universes and our own.
Whoa.
Collisions.
Evidence of collisions of universes.
What the fuck, dude?
Collisions.
That's the alternative concept to the Big Bang as well.
The idea that our universe, whether it's in a bubble like the multiverse or the people that propose membranes, they propose that the brains collide at certain points and that creates a recycling of the world.
We just can't wrap our head around something that's that far away.
Or that much longer a period of existence than our own life.
The idea of this cycle that's billions and billions of years.
We are so important in our own lives that the idea that that's how small a part we play for real.
I'm going to exist for 80 years inside some weird biological body in some crazy process that happens.
Every 16, 17 billion years these things collide with each other and everything starts Completely from new.
No planets, man.
No nothing.
Just particles and gas and heat and nuclear explosions and fucking mass connects all these different objects together and they slowly form planets and then life grows on them and then life becomes complex life, becomes intelligent, self-aware life, creates technology, goes to war, blows up the fucking universe.
And then they collide again, and more collide all around, and it's a constant cycle of society, life, everything, the universe, complexity gets to a certain peak, and then they just hit each other.
Maybe a genius thought or a really great idea, when people have super great ideas, maybe that's a collision that's happened.
Maybe it happens on the micro scale and not just on the macro scale.
Perhaps there's super tiny universes that bubble against stars and manifest in the form of somebody Who came up with the theory of relativity or some kind of culture-shaping idea like communism or something like that.
Maybe that every great idea is just a projection of the multiverse coming through people and manifesting here as massive global change.
And maybe we're getting hit by more of them now, like a meteor swarm of these other universes bumping into ours.
Falcon McKenna wrote this awesome, weird story.
Did you ever read this thing?
He talked about how right around when Christianity started, the universe ripped into a multiverse and there's another advanced dimension right next to ours that's concerned over the fact that we have nuclear weapons.
Normally we could be ignored, but the fact we have nuclear weapons kind of like...
Makes things in multiverses next to us that are aware of us worried.
But he wrote it not like it was real.
He wrote it in this strange way.
Like I couldn't tell if he was trying to write a metaphor or something.
I wish someone would find it.
It was fucking cool.
But...
This Tesla thing you're talking about, it's so funny because you have to think, okay, well I guess my brain just completely manufactured this alternate reality where super intelligent people had invented all these things.
That's like one version of it.
Or the other version, which a lot of I think shamans talk about, is the idea of the spirit world, where at that moment your astral body You're a leak of some weird Some weird coordinate of the multiverse is coming through you now as you talk
about this thing that's like it's a dream.
Maybe there's some fucking part of the multiverse where werewolf 69 gorillas.
To me it was almost like a little message that everything is preposterous.
Do you ever stop and wonder how much of your life, how much of the things that you go through are real?
And how much of it may be some sort of background noise going on?
And this weird play that you're creating for yourself that your imagination has put forth.
And then someday you're going to understand it all.
But right now, it's all the people that are in front of you are the bit players and you're supposed to be trying to figure this fucking thing out as you move along.
All that stuff that's going on in the background, car accidents and war.
Like you're manifesting things with your own mind too.
It's not foolproof.
It's not like you can prove it.
But there's something going on.
I think it is.
There's something to the idea that when you know someone is going to call you and then you pick up the phone and it's them, that's just weird.
There's something to that.
I don't know what it is.
But I don't buy that it's just coincidence.
It may be coincidence sometimes, but I've had sharp moments where I thought of somebody and I looked at the phone and it started ringing and it was them.
Like sharp moments.
Like, I don't know what that is.
I don't know what it is.
You could say that it's just luck and anticipation meeting each other, you know, that I was hoping that person called me, but not even, man.
Sometimes you don't even think about that person for a long time, and all of a sudden you think about them like, wow, I haven't talked to him in fucking ten years.
I just, on the Lavender Hour, I just did, my friend Brendan Walsh came in and we both go to the same medicinal marijuana dispensary.
And we were both talking about how awesome it is and the people who work there are really fucking cool.
And so I'm like, you know what, I'm going to do a commercial for this dispensary.
I want to do it the way commercials should be.
I'm not getting paid.
They don't even know who I am.
I'm just going to do this commercial because they're cool people and it's a cool fucking place.
There's a character on the Lavender Hour, a teacup pig.
He's basically a little hobo.
Like, I am so high right now!
I did this stupid commercial for them.
The next day I went in there to get my medicine and I walked in and the guy's like, hey!
Hey, look at this!
Look at this!
And he just pulled up on the computer the Lavender Hour episode where I did the advertisement.
Now, what the fuck are the odds of that?
The odds of that are pretty goddamn slim.
I mean, I think the odds that that guy would even hear about it are pretty slim, but if you consider the idea of me coming there at the exact time he had just pulled it up on the computer...
Dude, I don't think you have any idea how many people listen to you on this podcast.
I bet that guy probably was a big Podhead podcast fan, and he probably listens to this one or listens to yours, and he knew exactly who the fuck you were.
And he's seen you online because he thought you were hilarious.
When I find out about a comedian, someone that I think is funny, or a musician, some new music.
I just got into Queens of the Stone Age recently.
I've been looking up on them and reading all different articles about them and downloaded a couple of their CDs.
It was fun seeing you in this different environment.
Whenever you and I do a podcast, we do it over here.
But doing it over there, it was cool to see you and her have this relationship.
Real cute little banter thing going back and forth, and we're all sitting in this thing together, and you have to stop every 20 minutes because it's about to crash your hard drive.
Those moments when you realize that someone is morphing you and that you are trying to conform to what they like because you don't want them to leave you.
What happens if you put a baby inside one of those people?
What happens if, like, then you're chained to a person who's dissatisfied with you as a human?
But here's the thing, man.
Being with someone for a while, you're going to watch people go through phases.
And there are going to be some phases that people are in that maybe you're not so cool with.
You know what I mean?
And you have to differentiate between, is this person, or am I dissatisfied with some core aspect of this human, or are they just in a weird spot right now?
It's like you're either in a relationship with somebody where you can create a symbiosis and merge your power together and you both want each other to be successful, or you're in a situation with someone where somebody wants to be on top.
Somebody wants to be ahead.
Someone wants to be literally on top in every single way.
If you're in a relationship where somebody's trying to repress your creativity out of fear, then as a human being, you have to get out of that relationship.
But it's not that easy when you're in love with somebody.
A guy who's really pretty introspective and kind of brutally honest about yourself, pro or con, but when you're in a steady relationship, I always feel like, especially right now, you're in a healthy one, you're in a way different place creatively.
You're able to express yourself without the burden There's a lot of psychological fucking warfare that goes on in constantly bad relationships that really clouds up the mind.
And when you're in a healthy relationship, like you are, it allows you to think about things much clearer.
Your ability to describe reality, just over the past few years, you've gotten so much better at it, man.
Your writing's gotten better.
Your comedy's gotten better.
You've always been a super smart dude.
But I think that when you're in a position where you find someone who doesn't try to fucking change who you are, it's so important.
It's the worst thing in the world to see one of your friends stuck in some situation where someone's trying to get him to be something that he's not.
But, you know, if she was married to some square dude who's like, you know, fucking accountant or something like that, it's like, you know, her interests and needs and weirdness would probably be too much for him.
You know what I mean?
It's like you guys meet at the perfect time your weirdness and your comedy, your creativity.
She understands it.
She gets it.
She gets what you're doing.
She gets that this is going to result in you killing on stage.
Whereas someone who doesn't see you as being successful enough thinks that they can fix you and mold you and turn you into something respectable they can bring at parties.
You know, you got leather, those suede patches on your elbows, and you're just thinking about telling a great suck my cock joke and killing in front of a large crowd at the comedy store on a Friday night, a nice 10 o'clock spot.
You're crushing.
You're thinking about that while you're hanging out with some dildos, some stupid house where they eat French cheese and come in their pants.
I knew a dude from France and him and his wife became friends with them and they had me over for some weird dish that they have with non-pasteurized cheeses and he was like really adamant about that that when they homogenize and pasteurize cheese in America it fucks up the flavor so he has to sneak this shit over.
I think just for public health concerns, when you like raw milk, it's like real dangerous.
You can only keep it for a certain amount of time.
You know, how long is it good for?
I mean, regular milk's good for like a month.
Raw milk can't be good for more than like seven or nine days or something like that, I would imagine.
And you know, people can get sick.
I think that's some of the theory behind it, is that when you homogenize things, pasteurize them, you can keep them on the shelf longer.
But that's also how you apparently cook the enzymes.
That's one of the reasons why people have lactose intolerance, but some people with lactose intolerance can actually drink raw milk and not have any problems with it.
Raw whole milk, it's like really, it tastes really good.
Like with cookies, oh, it's the shit.
It's so like rich and creamy and, you know, and it seems so alive when you drink it as opposed to like, you know, when you drink regular homogenized pasteurized milk.
You gotta get one of those blender things where there's two whisks and they spin with each other and you get it in a bowl and you add all the ingredients.
But yeah, they come in these little containers, and you buy them by the case, and each balloon, then you have that metal cracker that looks kind of like something like a camping gear thing where you unscrew it, and you put it in, close it, you put the balloon on one side, and you crack it, and it just fills a whole balloon, and then you just take the balloon.
When I was a kid, I worked at one of those ice cream places called Newport's Creamery.
Newport Creamery, they served like cheeseburgers and shit.
I was a cook for a little while, and I got fucking horrible zits from that.
That's the nastiest ever.
But I also scooped ice cream and made ice cream sundaes, and we would have to go replenish the containers because they would make their own whipped cream.
So they had these giant fucking containers of nitric oxide.
I was watching The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia again on the plane, and one of the things they were talking about was Jesco and how much gasoline he sniffed, that he huffed so much gasoline he could tell the difference between regular and high test.
Have you seen the commercial with the cyborgs begging?
Because they're on this drug that you have to be on or your body rejects the cybernetic part.
So it's all these people with cyborg arms or hookers with cyborg legs begging because they have to pay for this medicine that you have to take to keep yourself alive.
I don't know what the gameplay is like because this seems like...
It's the first time I feel like I've been able to watch something akin to sports.
And really get excited about it because they just had this big tournament and they have like famous players and it was really cool to watch these two famous players compete against each other knowing the game and having played it seeing the crazy tricks they're using and the crazy control they have over so many Variables.
It's amazing to watch.
And then it's so funny because I was thinking, like, athletes of the future are all going to be fat and pale because, like, they cut to these guys who just played this insane game that's, like, required so much brainpower to control this stuff.
And since all they do is play computers, they're kind of emotionless.
Like, you cut to, like, a UFC fighter after he's just knocked someone out, and it's like watching Julius Caesar march into a city that he's just defeated.
It's fucking—you're watching glory.
When you cut to a StarCraft II fighter player who's just won a game, it's just kind of like, hmm.
One of them took his shirt off, because underneath it he was wearing a shirt that was, like, kind of insulting, and he's like, eh-heh.
Then walked over and, like, shook the guy's hand.
Oh, good job.
And that's it.
But meanwhile, they just did this crazy thing where they were controlling.
Yeah, you're building, the idea is you're building up this economy by gathering resources.
And while you're building this economy, you're also constructing an army that has to be based on what your opponent's doing.
So you can't just...
Do the same thing over and over again.
You have to scout what your opponent's doing, and from seeing what they're doing, you understand what their strategy probably is.
And then you have to create a perfect offense to what they're doing while building a defense that works against the type of troops they're constructing.
Because it might not always...
You have to be completely reactive and you have to be able to do all of this.
It's like juggling.
You're juggling all these crazy balls at once and you have to be able to do this and also instantaneously react to shit that you don't expect to happen.
I think pool for me is a form of like a moving meditation.
When I'm running out, when I play pool, I'm using my body as well, and that's one of the things that I like about it the most.
I'm forcing my mind to control the exact amount of force my body exerts on a piece of wood that impacts a ball that collides it into another ball and moves around.
In order to do it right, I have to be in total tune with the amount of revolutions I'm causing this ball to turn over a nine-foot table.
That's what I'm trying to control.
To get into that real groove of being dead stroke where you really feel the movement, it really is like a form of meditation.
So that's why I prefer it over video games.
I had to pick my poison.
I had to pick, like, what thing am I allowing myself to be addicted to.
And I think I get more out of the pool than I did out of the video games.
With an addictive session of World of Warcraft, and I've been playing, or I'm sorry, I used to be addicted to that, to Starcraft 2. When I get up after playing that game for like three or four hours straight and walk outside, I feel like I'm mentally disabled.
I feel drained, my sleep sucks.
When I fucking go to the gym or go jogging or do something like that, I feel great for the rest of the day.
So, video games are amazing, and weirdly, games that involve strategy, I think you can extrapolate some information from that that you can use in real life, but you gotta do it in very small doses.
It's like, that seems like the responsibility of human beings.
We've got this incredible brand new technology that's exploding in front of us.
The discipline is not to reject it totally.
Like those assholes when you hear, I don't even have a cell phone.
It's like when I said I was addicted to City of Heroes.
I used to always fantasize about jumping on from building to building just because I had been playing that video game so much and that was something I was doing repetitively, you know, all day, you know, all night.
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Thank you, everybody who came out to the show in Milwaukee.
Thanks to everybody who sang Happy Birthday to me.
That was one of the coolest things that I've ever had happen in my life.
It was pretty fun.
Milwaukee was the shit.
I had a great time.
Next big road gig is Denver, Colorado, September 23rd at the Paramount Theater.
I instituted a policy when Brian and I went to see Doug Stanhope, when we enjoyed the fuck out of Stanhope, as always, but it wasn't fun to stand and watch a show.
So I decided, you know what, I'm being rude asking people to stand and watch my shows.
Like, from now on, I'm gonna make sure that every show I do, people are seated.
But there was no places in town.
There was nothing I could do.
There was, like, small places that were, like, 50 seats.
Or, you know, the House of Blues.
So we're going to do the House of Blues, and it's a rare seating and standing show.