Aug. 16, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:40:35
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Record. | |
| Hi, sweeties. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight. | ||
| If you go to joerogan.net and click on the link for... | ||
| Is that me? | ||
| How dare I? Click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name Rogan. | ||
| Did you say flashlight? | ||
| Fleshlight. | ||
| Flesh. | ||
| Flesh. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Did I? I didn't hear it. | ||
| Did I say flashlight? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think I said flesh. | ||
| I'm a little too high to be doing that. | ||
| I'm gonna be honest with you people out there. | ||
| I'm a little too high to be doing this commercial. | ||
| Maybe I'm too high and I heard it. | ||
| Flashlight. | ||
| Look, the Fleshlight is an excellent product. | ||
| This is for real. | ||
| I'm gonna stray off the script. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Everybody needs masturbation. | ||
| That shit's important. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| It seems ridiculous. | ||
| It's very embarrassing. | ||
| But it is sexual maintenance. | ||
| And it's important. | ||
| And you shoot way bigger loads, in my opinion, with the Fleshlight. | ||
| You know how I know that it's powerful? | ||
| How? | ||
| Because your girlfriend gets mad at it. | ||
| Exactly, yeah. | ||
| Now I've lost at least more than one flashlight. | ||
| It just vanished. | ||
| No, it got thrown away. | ||
| Got thrown away. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| How fascinating is that? | ||
| No pleasure, only me. | ||
| Only me can pleasure. | ||
| Not even like a fake part of a person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not even a fake part. | |
| But I think it's more that she's embarrassed that I've got a can with an asshole poking out of it. | ||
| What does she care, though? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What does she care? | ||
| Listen, this is the beginning of the show. | ||
| Hit the button. | ||
| Buckle up, bitches. | ||
| Duncan Trussell's here. | ||
| We've already had a podcast and a half before we even got started. | ||
| And we might be too high to talk in public. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| But we're gonna just give it a fucking country try. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha! | |
| I don't know what a country try is, but goddamn I wish I had it in me. | ||
| I wish I had some country work ethic. | ||
| You know, that's dance or something, you know? | ||
| Country work ethic? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| People talk about a guy that's got a country work ethic, automatically, you know. | ||
| You mean a man. | ||
| You want to admire him, yeah. | ||
| You want to admire some dude who could just shut his fucking mouth and throw some hay around. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| There's something about that that's admirable, right? | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| Sure, it's amazing. | ||
| It's like some Wild West type movie shit. | ||
| Yeah, that seems like a great life. | ||
| A guy who gets up early in the morning, just fucking milks cows until he can't walk anymore. | ||
| At the end of the day, he goes to sleep. | ||
| Something admirable about that. | ||
| Have you ever found an udder, Joe? | ||
| Yes, I think I have. | ||
| I'm a fair factor. | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
| A goat one. | ||
| You gotta squeeze it. | ||
| I don't know if I did it. | ||
| I might be imagining this. | ||
| It was so long ago. | ||
| We had people suck on goat tits. | ||
| They had to actually suck on it. | ||
| It was very phallic. | ||
| It was really weird to watch girls sucking on this tit, like sucking milk off this. | ||
| The tit looks like a black dick. | ||
| It looks like a deformed, like a short, fat black dick. | ||
| And these girls were sucking on these things, pulling milk out of it. | ||
| Guys were, too. | ||
| You know, it was, it was, wow. | ||
| So that goat is experiencing what is essentially a UFO abduction. | ||
| It's mine, cannot process what's happening. | ||
| Well, they're used to getting milked, apparently, because they milk them every day. | ||
| You know, they squeeze on them. | ||
| Yeah, but imagine having just like these things feeding on you and you don't know why or what they're doing. | ||
| It's so demonic, right? | ||
| Trapped in a cage, right? | ||
| Attached by a collar. | ||
| I think they were attached by a chain. | ||
| Trying to make sense. | ||
| I mean, they must in some way be trying to process what's happening. | ||
| Oh, and you know what? | ||
| They were elevated as well. | ||
| How weird was that? | ||
| They were up on these platforms so that people could get at them with their mouth so they didn't have to go under them. | ||
| I'm pretty sure if I remember that correctly. | ||
| I might be imagining that as well. | ||
| But I remember being there thinking how bizarre it was that people are sucking on these animal parts on TV, you know? | ||
| It feels real. | ||
| If you ever feel a cow one. | ||
| I just wonder if there's like a lot of gay farmers, you know? | ||
| What do you mean by it feels real? | ||
| Like it feels like you're holding something that the only thing that you've ever felt like that before is your dick. | ||
| So it feels like a dick. | ||
| It just feels like it's like a flashlight for men. | ||
| Women. | ||
| You mean a dildo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is fucking strange that we drink the milk out of other animals. | ||
| We make them make milk and then we drink it and we sell it and it's super common. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Milk. | |
| Totally normal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like we're parasites. | ||
| We're cow parasites. | ||
| We extract some of their fluid and we sell it and we add weird shit to it. | ||
| We put chocolate in it. | ||
| But apparently a lot of people believe that eating dairy is not healthy for the human body and that You'll feel better. | ||
| Your energy levels will be better if you just cut dairy out of your life. | ||
| I've heard that from so many people. | ||
| There's no way it can't be true. | ||
| But milk is delicious. | ||
| And so is ice cream. | ||
| And you can go fuck yourself. | ||
| I like cheese, you know? | ||
| I'm not cutting dairy out. | ||
| I just went to Paris. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you, Duncan? | ||
| And I got super stoned. | ||
| How'd you get stoned in Paris? | ||
| I'll talk about it after the podcast. | ||
| You don't want to mention it on the podcast? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, good move. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| Just a friend out in Paris. | ||
| Wow, that's nice. | ||
| Lucky break. | ||
| But weed is illegal in Paris? | ||
| How illegal is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was standing next to someone openly smoking hash in the subway. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I don't know how illegal. | ||
| I don't think anyone... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But I hadn't eaten there yet, and I was super stoned. | ||
| And it was the first time I'd ever eaten, like, French cheese. | ||
| And I almost passed out because it tasted so good. | ||
| I swear to God, I got a momentary vertigo where I was like, I've been eating prison cafeteria food for my entire life because the food over there is better. | ||
| Food in Paris is better. | ||
| It comes straight from the countryside. | ||
| Right now there are hundreds and thousands of dudes tweeting from all over the country going, why don't you fucking move there then, fag? | ||
| I would if I could. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I've always thought they had the worst food until he said this because I worked at a French restaurant once and it was the worst food ever. | ||
| Like the lobster bisque or something like that was the only thing that I thought was decent on the whole menu. | ||
| What is it, like a low-end restaurant? | ||
| No, it was a nice place. | ||
| A French place? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not really familiar. | ||
| I'm not as much of a food aficionado that I could tell you what French food really is. | ||
| I know there's a place down the street from here I really like that's supposedly French because they have foie gras. | ||
| That's the French way of saying it, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's French. | |
| It's duck liver. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| It's rude as fuck. | ||
| They mouthfuck this poor goose. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| I mean, they mouthfuck this goose and force-feed him. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| Horrible thing to eat. | ||
| What is it, their liver? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's their liver mixed in with the shit they spray into them, and it like flavors the liver. | ||
| Goose liver, that's what it is, right? | ||
| It flavors the liver so that it tastes really good. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Here's the weird thing. | ||
| God, I think this is going to piss everybody off if they're not already mad about me saying French fruit's better, but it is better. | ||
| Define better. | ||
| What makes it better? | ||
| They just use more butters. | ||
| In France, I've got to imagine it's on another level. | ||
| It's more intense. | ||
| I'm trying to think of a great way to explain it. | ||
| It's like the volume's turned up a little bit more on it. | ||
| Just flavor-wise? | ||
| Yeah, the flavor's better. | ||
| It's like the way they cook at this place that we went to, they were cooking. | ||
| We ordered this like rib platter for two and they cook this giant slab of meat on an open fire like above a fireplace and you can watch it in the restaurant and the restaurant feels like something Out of like the 1600s or something. | ||
| And do you know why it feels like that? | ||
| Because it's been around since the 1600s. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like old. | |
| Everything there is old, old, old, old. | ||
| So it's like you're in this place where so many human lives have happened. | ||
| And I'm not saying that's why the food tastes better. | ||
| Spirits. | ||
| It's so good, man. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| One thing that I never appreciated, I think, before I started watching that No Reservations show was that... | ||
| That food, the preparation of food is really an art form. | ||
| It really, truly is an art form. | ||
| I mean, I kind of knew that abstractly, and I always, like, appreciated good chefs, but until I watched that show, you see that guy's passion, how he describes food, how addictive it is, you know? | ||
| What's the word I'm looking for? | ||
| Not addictive. | ||
| It's, like, it's... | ||
| It just gets you hungry. | ||
| The way he describes things, I never get more hungry than when I'm watching that show. | ||
| It's like you realize that people who are really badass chefs, all these guys, they all have ideas and thoughts and a method to how they prepare things. | ||
| And it's so fascinating that it's just to maximize the impact that it has on the palate. | ||
| And it's this strange art form, the art form of flavor. | ||
| And I never really appreciated that until I watched that show. | ||
| And then you see a really well-prepared dish, and you're like, wow, that guy just fucked me up with some crazy crab with squid ink pasta. | ||
| And you realize that these creations of textures and combinations of flavors, it really is a badass art form. | ||
| I never appreciated it before. | ||
| Yeah, and you get this, when you taste something really good like that, you get a glimpse at how there's this spectrum of sense gratification, and some people in some parts of the world have figured out ways to hit the higher ends of it. | ||
| So if you're only experiencing life at this one spectrum of it, then when you do get something super high-end like that, it's really intense. | ||
| It's amazing to think people eat like that every day. | ||
| And also, the weird thing about a lot of people in Paris... | ||
| They fucking eat so much. | ||
| And they eat all day long. | ||
| It seems like everything there is about eating or going out to eat with your friends. | ||
| And it's this very serious ritual. | ||
| Like when you go to a restaurant, it has the same energy of like, you feel like you're in an air traffic control tower. | ||
| People are eating in this serious way. | ||
| It's like they're taking in an art or listening to a symphony in some of these restaurants. | ||
| Not all of them, but some of them. | ||
| It's intense. | ||
| And there's like... | ||
| Four waiters. | ||
| They're dressed like super formally. | ||
| There's kids being trained since they were like 15 to be waiters. | ||
| And so it's this cultural, it's embedded into their culture and they've really refined it and it's really fucking cool. | ||
| But French people, the ones we see, you don't see fat people there. | ||
| They're eating all the fucking time, but most of them are thin. | ||
| Most of them seem like they're in shape. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| How do they do that? | ||
| People say because there's no preservatives in the food. | ||
| They eat, like, pure food that comes straight from the countryside. | ||
| That's what people say. | ||
| I mean, I'd heard all this stuff, by the way, I'd heard it before I went. | ||
| I read it. | ||
| The food there's better. | ||
| People are, like, thin. | ||
| People are living life. | ||
| And I was extremely skeptical. | ||
| Like, whatever. | ||
| It's that Buddhist quote. | ||
| I think I've said it on here. | ||
| Some people will tell you, this place is better than that place. | ||
| This country is better than this country. | ||
| There's smarter people here than there. | ||
| But I say to you, the whole world is on fire. | ||
| Everywhere you go, people are consumed with the same fears and worries, and it's all the same. | ||
| The Buddha did not eat ribs in fucking Paris, because that place is different. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| It's fucking nice, man. | ||
| The subway signs, they all look like the lettering, the font that they use in absinthe bottles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Yeah, it's fucking trippy and cool, and I'll shut up about Paris, because I must sound like an asshole. | ||
| But we, uh, you know about the catacombs of Paris? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, you were describing this to me. | ||
| This is the most scariest shit I've ever seen in my life that I did not know existed, and there's more than one. | ||
| I saw photos once of a church, but just explain to everybody what it is. | ||
| So, underneath Paris, basically, and I don't know the exact history behind this, but what happened is, I think because of the Black Plague, Everyone starts dying. | ||
| They're having these mass die-offs, and they ran out of room in the cemeteries. | ||
| So they had to dig up all the bones from the cemeteries surrounding Paris, and they took them under Paris into these limestone quarries and created these things called ossuaries, which are these open-air crypts. | ||
| And someone has gone in basically, so to get there, you go down these winding steps that go down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down to a point where you start feeling like you're going crazy because you just keep seeing more steps and more steps and more steps and more steps and your mind starts saying you are going deep deep underground like we're talking like out of breath on the stair master steps like way down to the the | ||
| quarries under the city And you sort of walk around and then suddenly you come out into hallways of bones, just Yellowed old French bones that someone has stacked into patterns like crucifixes and it looks like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house when you go in the movie where they have bone sculptures everywhere. | ||
| It's like that. | ||
| They've just someone just took like a shitload of femurs and it's like I think I could make a crucifix out of this and like so there's a cross in the middle there's stacks of skulls. | ||
| They say there's nine million skeletons down there. | ||
| Nine million. | ||
| So nine million lives are completely anonymous now. | ||
| No one knows who the fuck they are. | ||
| All you see is just, there's no names. | ||
| There's not a wall listing who's down there. | ||
| It's just row upon row upon row of skulls and skulls. | ||
| And I swear to God. | ||
| It's got to be the worst job on the planet. | ||
| I passed this French kid whose job is to sit in a lawn chair down there and observe people to make sure they don't steal bones. | ||
| And I walked by the kid and he was like pale and sick because it's damp down there and it kind of sounded like he was talking to himself in French. | ||
| He kind of seemed out of his mind. | ||
| He just sits in bones all day. | ||
| Best place to rape ever though, right? | ||
| If you're going to rape and murder somebody, take them down there. | ||
| That'd be perfect. | ||
| Well, it gets weirder. | ||
| So, as it turns out, under Paris, the catacombs that the tourists are in, that's only a fraction of the catacombs. | ||
| There is miles and miles and miles of winding catacombs. | ||
| One of our waiters told us that people go down there, and they get lost, and they find them down there, and they've starved to death in the fucking catacombs. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You fucking die. | ||
| You get lost. | ||
| You go down there in the dark, the flashlight runs out, no one's coming down there, and you're fucking dead. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It gets even weirder. | ||
| These fucking French police. | ||
| It's on the internet. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| I'm just freaking out and thinking about dying that way. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| Your fucking flashlight goes out. | ||
| And it's so far down, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| It's like a basement of earth. | ||
| Just that last moment of light. | ||
| And then nothing. | ||
| Blackness. | ||
| You would start hearing things. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You'd start hearing things. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You'd start seeing things. | ||
| They don't send people down there looking for folks. | ||
| No, not some French mime who got depressed and decided he was going to go down and take a break in the catacomb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| So is it open to anyone? | ||
| Yeah, the Parisian teenagers have their own entrances and they bring turntables and speakers down there and have dance parties. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So fucking cool. | ||
| We want to go down there and take ayahuasca with you, Joe. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| What a terrific combination that would be. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| You would die, right? | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| Instant death. | ||
| Well, you would definitely never be seen again. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You'd probably just be absorbed with the energy of what it must have been like to see millions of people just rot in front of you by some incurable disease that was inescapable. | ||
| And you just had a hope that some of the genetics would carry on, that some people would be able to live through this shit. | ||
| If you ever get serious about your life, a cure is to see nine million skulls. | ||
| I'll never do that. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Does it really make you less serious about your life? | ||
| It just lets you know that we're very fortunate that shit's going this way. | ||
| We're very fortunate we were alive in 2011. We're very fortunate. | ||
| Just a little while ago, stuff was terrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I joke around about being on stage like when we were in Philly and I was going, do you know why the streets are so narrow around here? | ||
| Because they were made by people riding fucking horses. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, wrap your head around that. | ||
| This city was designed by people who thought, well, we just need a place to put the horses. | ||
| This is where the horses are going to ride. | ||
| Like, everybody got around in a fucking city on horses. | ||
| Well, there's a, you know, there's this thing I just read about this, uh, I think he was an obstetrician. | ||
| He died in a mental asylum. | ||
| It was on Reddit. | ||
| He died in a mental asylum. | ||
| This was way back. | ||
| I don't know the exact time, but it was when they still believed in the humors of the body. | ||
| Their idea of the way the body worked was based on bloodletting. | ||
| They didn't know that flies... | ||
| It came from fly eggs. | ||
| They thought there was something called spontaneous generation, where if you had the right elements in one place, it would produce a fly. | ||
| They didn't know there were eggs. | ||
| So they had these really fascinating ways of understanding the universe. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| I don't know the exact year. | ||
| If you look up spontaneous generation, it'll pop up the year that they believe this. | ||
| But there was an obstetrician who suddenly came up with this crazy idea. | ||
| He thought that If doctors washed their hands between handling, like doing an autopsy or handling a dead body and delivering a baby, then maybe the mothers wouldn't die as much as they were dying of this infection called pleurosis. | ||
| So he's like, we should start maybe washing our hands, guys, after you handle the rotting corpse and then put your hand in that lady's pussy. | ||
| Why don't you wash your hands? | ||
| And doctors were like, you're a fucking lunatic. | ||
| You think if we wash our hands after we handle a corpse and touch a woman's open, dilated pussy that it's going to keep her from getting the infections they've been getting? | ||
| A gentleman's hands are always clean. | ||
| That's what the doctor said. | ||
| No joke. | ||
| So this guy tried all these experiments and he dropped the death rate in one of these wards where women are giving birth to 1% where it was 30% in other places. | ||
| And he kept talking. | ||
| You've got to wash your hands. | ||
| You wash it with this kind of chemical mix and the people won't die. | ||
| You should wash your hands. | ||
| Germs are getting into people, but I don't think they knew what germs were anyway. | ||
| What did they think it was if they didn't think it was germs? | ||
| Just poison? | ||
| Witches, evil witch brew. | ||
| What did they think it was? | ||
| I don't know the explanation, but it's really interesting because it's kind of logical. | ||
| You could see why they would think that, but they couldn't accept the idea that there was microscopic things floating around. | ||
| Even though I guess you could see them in a microscope, for some reason they really wanted to deny this. | ||
| In the same way now, when you talk about the idea that there might be ants Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's how gross and infected everything was. | ||
| He died in an insane asylum? | ||
| Died out of his mind. | ||
| Towards the end of his life, they said he got dementia, but I think it was just because he knew that he had discovered this thing, that he proved he could save so many lives and no one would listen to him. | ||
| Could you imagine, dude, if you were an advanced human and you were stuck in an inadvanced age that just refused to change? | ||
| Could you imagine if you were a scientist from 2011 and all of a sudden you found yourself in the middle of Spanish Inquisition? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where everyone was ridiculous and people were just killing people and it was just insanity. | ||
| You couldn't talk to anybody. | ||
| Religious fanaticism completely out of control. | ||
| Murder and all kinds of crazy shit was going on. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| If that was your reality all of a sudden? | ||
| Religious fanaticism, violent wars raging everywhere, totalitarian presidents, corporations running everything. | ||
| Speaking of which, did you see this Michelle Bachman lady won the Iowa straw poll? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Because she's a fucking dominatrix and those Republican boys like to get spanked. | ||
| We are living in fascinating times. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's ripples like this. | ||
| Like when you hear things like this, to me they're like boom. | ||
| Like little ripples on your universe. | ||
| Like wake up, pay attention, there's a lot more dumb people than you think. | ||
| A lot more. | ||
| There's some painfully stupid people in this country. | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| Tons of them. | ||
| And they can't see that she's dumb because they're way dumber than her. | ||
| They're way dumber than her. | ||
| They have no idea she's dumb. | ||
| They think she's got a good message. | ||
| They don't mind her crazy eyes. | ||
| They don't see the crazy eyes. | ||
| They don't see the gay husband. | ||
| They don't see him. | ||
| He seems like a nice fella. | ||
| He's praying the gay away. | ||
| Pray the gay away. | ||
| We're gonna pray the gay away. | ||
| Pray the gay way. | ||
| Bunch of men holding hands. | ||
| We're gonna pray the gay way. | ||
| In their underwear, hugging each other, shooting loads in their pants. | ||
| This is a ridiculous institution. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were going to have to learn how to shoot a load in front of men without wanting men. | |
| Why is it so hard for people to accept that people are gay? | ||
| What do you give a fuck? | ||
| They're gay. | ||
| So what? | ||
| Let them enjoy it. | ||
| If it doesn't affect you, as long as they're not trying to fuck you, who cares? | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| You're going to pray it away? | ||
| We're going to pray the gay away. | ||
| Pray the gay away. | ||
| But you've got to understand that relationship. | ||
| Because I think about this relationship between Michelle Bachman and her husband, who's clearly gay. | ||
| Clearly gay. | ||
| That's a sex dungeon. | ||
| That Brian impression is really not that far off. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He's so unbelievably gay sounding. | ||
| He seems gay. | ||
| He is not gay. | ||
| I don't know that he's gay for sure, but I do know that he's running a sex dungeon. | ||
| A sex dungeon? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know he is? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| He's been to us. | ||
| Is that Pray Away the Gay Clinic? | ||
| That's a sex dungeon? | ||
| Yeah, for submissive gay guys. | ||
| Submissive gay guys go in there. | ||
| It's like a fetish situation. | ||
| It's like these married gay guys. | ||
| Go into this place where an expert says that he's going to use religion to help them overcome being gay. | ||
| The expert happens to seem like super gay. | ||
| Like super. | ||
| Like he should be on the front of his own float in a gay pride parade holding sparklers and like, I don't know, wearing like leather clothes. | ||
| That's how gay her husband seems, right? | ||
| But he's in a suit now, and he's talking you in that stereotypical voice. | ||
| He's saying, we can overcome this thing. | ||
| James, I need you to tell me, though, every gay sexual encounter that you've ever had. | ||
| You know that's part of it, you know? | ||
| Okay, I'll tell ya. | ||
| You gotta hear it, I'll tell ya, yeah. | ||
| Once I blew 17 guys at a bear party in New Jersey. | ||
| Are they alone when this is happening? | ||
| Is it dark? | ||
| Yeah, it's dim. | ||
| It's dim in there. | ||
| There's candles, Jesus candles. | ||
| I guarantee that place is covered in pictures of the erotic Jesus, the six-pack Jesus. | ||
| You ever seen those where Jesus is painted with a six-pack on the cross? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He's got like a Jersey Shore situation happening. | ||
| For real? | ||
| But he's getting crucified. | ||
| Oh, there's tons of them! | ||
| Because it's supposed to be starvation, but we look at it as like, wow. | ||
| Jesus is ripped. | ||
| That's like hardcore crunches. | ||
| That's not starvation. | ||
| But what happens is a lot of these people back when they were painting those pictures were just artists who were getting paid by the church and they needed to make money, but they liked the male form. | ||
| And so they were painting like they were making Jesus hot. | ||
| Sex Jesus. | ||
| Erotic Jesus. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Christianity, a lot of Christianity is fucking S-N-M. Think about it. | ||
| The Son of God comes down to the world and what happens? | ||
| He tells the truth and he gets spanked and a crown of thorns and whipped with lashes and nailed to a fucking cross and everyone's into it. | ||
| Like, did you see The Passion of the Christ? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's an S-N-M movie, man. | ||
| I've been to the S-N-M clubs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know what it looks like. | |
| They tie guys up to fucking crucifixes and whip them there all the time. | ||
| That's why I like black Jesus better, the whole theory of him. | ||
| Yeah, what is the black Jesus theory? | ||
| Because Jesus was supposedly Sephardic, wasn't he? | ||
| Wasn't that the idea? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's hotter. | ||
| He's hotter? | ||
| What I think it goes from is that everything has to start from black, not white. | ||
| I think it's fascinating that people want to lay claim to something. | ||
| People want to, like, that black people would go, like, Jesus was black. | ||
| Like, somehow that makes your life, if Jesus was even real, but it makes your life today in 2011, like, you can lay claim to that. | ||
| Like, we did that. | ||
| How annoying is that? | ||
| Like Italians, we built that. | ||
| We did that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We did that. | |
| It's not really we, dude. | ||
| We're really in this group together here? | ||
| Black Jesus holding a baby black child at letsfindjesus.com. | ||
| Well, hey man, that's just as likely. | ||
| Black Jesus is just as likely as white Jesus. | ||
| Both of them are just so squirrely. | ||
| And so you're just supposed to believe that the dude came back from the dead. | ||
| And that anybody would write that he would come back from the dead. | ||
| Anything else that you would read from them would not be equally ridiculous. | ||
| Because we understand dead now. | ||
| We understand that now. | ||
| You're saying that we must discount all scientific knowledge ever. | ||
| Just because there's an ancient book that says some stuff, and if you go along with it, you have to just assume that this was a one-time thing, and that this one time, these amazing, miraculous things that defy science happened. | ||
| We just have to assume that these people, who barely could write shit down, were super accurate about it. | ||
| Like, it's ridiculous! | ||
| Let's even think one step before that, which is the religion that they've built around this thing that... | ||
| Based on all scientific evidence is possibly a myth? | ||
| The religion they based around this character, Jesus, Is nowhere close to the things the character said in the book that they read. | ||
| Jesus didn't walk around saying you need to go to church. | ||
| Here's an idea. | ||
| Build a church and every Sunday go to the church and sit down in an uncomfortable seat and read prayers pre-written from people that you barely understand and then give 10% of your income to this group of people and just trust that they're going to use it in the right way. | ||
| Jesus never said anything like that. | ||
| In the New Testament, if you read this stuff, mostly the idea of the thing seems to be, if you love the people around you as much as you can, and if you're tuned into God or the love force of the universe, and you love that too, then you are going to have a great life. | ||
| That seems to be the message. | ||
| You don't need a priest. | ||
| You don't need a church. | ||
| You don't need anybody. | ||
| You don't have to follow the rules. | ||
| At the time, he was in Judaism. | ||
| There are very strict rules about how you're supposed to live. | ||
| And he was saying, we don't have to follow these rules. | ||
| I don't have to do anything that you're saying. | ||
| I have my own direct connection with the super intelligence, super abundance of the universe. | ||
| And that's all I need. | ||
| And so then they killed him. | ||
| So you've got that. | ||
| And then what builds up around it? | ||
| Fucking Michelle Bachman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pray away the gay just like Jesus wanted. | |
| Jesus didn't want somebody sticking their tentacle in somebody's excretory tube. | ||
| Jesus wanted people straight. | ||
| Only fucking vaginas. | ||
| The creator of the universe. | ||
| It gives them a migraine headache to know on this planet people are sticking their fucking genitals into other people's assholes. | ||
| How does that get translated from basically the first hippie? | ||
| Love each other. | ||
| Tune into the superintelligence. | ||
| It's really creepy and weird. | ||
| Well, whenever you have some obscure... | ||
| I don't want to say obscure, but very difficult to put into modern words statement. | ||
| Like whenever you read any of the... | ||
| Any chapters of the Bible, any passages, any things that people quote all the time. | ||
| There's a lot of the stuff you'll read and you go, whoa, what exactly does that mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, what is it, you know, trying to back up and decipher that into modern language. | ||
| What was it originally, you know? | ||
| I mean, we know it all came from ancient Hebrew and then they kind of take it from ancient Hebrew to Latin to Greek. | ||
| Like, what the fuck was, you know, it's a totally different language. | ||
| What was the original meaning behind it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, you've got, like... | |
| But, you know, I used to, when I was in college, take LSD and read the New Testament. | ||
| And it was the most awesome psychedelic thing ever because you're reading it and you're thinking like, this, no matter what this is, it's shaped so much of society. | ||
| These words shape so many people's lives. | ||
| And so just from that alone, it's super psychedelic. | ||
| But what did it come from? | ||
| What's the original language? | ||
| What's it based on? | ||
| There's all these awesome ideas, you know, because there's a lot of books in the Gospels that didn't make it into the final cut that are equally valid and are far more esoteric and have, like, really weird ideas. | ||
| I've read stuff that it's based in, like... | ||
| This form of religion called Gnosticism, which I don't know too much about. | ||
| I've heard that it's like some weird desert cult called the Essenes or that it's somehow the formulation of all these different desert mysticisms kind of merging into the, you know, they embodied it in the form of this person to transmit this bigger information about the idea that they're, | ||
| you know, we're all children of some super intelligence and that if we give up our greed and selfishness and Love other people like we love ourselves, then that would create like a, you know, if everyone did that, then we would be living on Paris. | ||
| This would be utopia. | ||
| We would be in some kind of super communist, mystical, spiritual state where everyone's completely connected with each other. | ||
| Like, imagine... | ||
| Really feeling about everyone around you the same way you feel about yourself. | ||
| It means don't differentiate other people from your life. | ||
| No more differentiation. | ||
| We're all the same. | ||
| We're all completely connected. | ||
| We're all children of this universe and so we should treat each other with love. | ||
| Yeah, that doesn't work with society, though. | ||
| Unfortunately, there would have to be some gigantic event that got rid of currency or got rid of the idea of competing for currency. | ||
| As long as people are still competing, competing for job positions, competing their company against other companies, as long as there's capitalism going on, that push for money, that push to make money, You're always going to get this same kind of douchey, cunty, chimp-like behavior. | ||
| It's a competition. | ||
| It's obvious, way obvious, that most people are working way harder than is both healthy and is desirable. | ||
| They're working ridiculous hours and pushing harder than ever because they need more money. | ||
| They want more money. | ||
| They need more money. | ||
| It's like there's a drive, like a fucking... | ||
| Wild machine behind it. | ||
| As long as that's there, fuck, man. | ||
| How are you going to get everybody to just have resources available? | ||
| Are you going to trust people to work? | ||
| Are you going to trust everyone to put in their share? | ||
| All of us are going to trust all of us? | ||
| And what do we do when someone doesn't? | ||
| If we're supposed to love them like we love ourselves, are we just supposed to let them just fuck everything up all around them and let them go into super sabotage, spin-out mode where they destroy everything in their vicinity and nobody stops them from doing that? | ||
| That's like a spoiled child. | ||
| We've seen that before. | ||
| Yeah, that's the other crazy aspect of Christianity is it's... | ||
| Ultra-pacifism. | ||
| It's like super-pacifism, and the message of the thing was supposed to be, look, this being that they're killing is the physical manifestation of the universe. | ||
| It could fight back. | ||
| It could shoot lasers out of its eyes. | ||
| It's a superhero, but it's letting itself... | ||
| I don't know why I'm calling Jesus an it, whatever. | ||
| It's letting itself get killed to give a message, and the message is this. | ||
| There are some things that are more important than life. | ||
| And if you want to get caught up in this dimension and you want to save your body, you want to try to save your body, go ahead. | ||
| It's going to die no matter what. | ||
| You're dead meat. | ||
| There's no way you're going to make it through this dimension. | ||
| No one makes it out alive, whatever Jim Morrison said. | ||
| No one gets out of this alive. | ||
| We all die. | ||
| So if you want to focus and fixate on protecting yourself, fine. | ||
| But the idea is that you're supposed to completely surrender to this energy. | ||
| And once you really make that move, which they say is an act of faith, which I mean... | ||
| By the way, this is purely speculation. | ||
| I have not given my heart to Jesus. | ||
| But I think about, you know, what would happen if you did just become completely... | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What would that be? | ||
| I mean, obviously, it's not possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But why? | ||
| And who would make cars? | ||
| And how would there be competition? | ||
| How would there be any form of capitalism the way we have it right now? | ||
| How would our society, the monetary system, how would it be set up the way it is? | ||
| It wouldn't be. | ||
| It couldn't be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's impossible. | |
| Well, not the way it is now, no. | ||
| It couldn't exist. | ||
| The church couldn't exist. | ||
| Society couldn't exist. | ||
| So how would we revamp it? | ||
| How would we put it all into perspective, put it all into order? | ||
| How would we ensure that everyone follows along with it? | ||
| Is that the next stage of evolution? | ||
| Is the next stage of evolution the idea that people have gotten to a point technologically where we can start to join together as one thing again? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like that there had to be a certain peak of competition. | ||
| To get us to a point where we have created some really boundary dissolving technology and when that point happens then through that very technology as in the internet people slowly start to assimilate to some level of understanding and awareness that wasn't previously achieved because there was this constant state of Competition to try to get to that technological point. | ||
| And that's where you run into a problem. | ||
| Because once you start getting to that state that you're talking about, and I think a lot of people are. | ||
| Aren't we at it right now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We are, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's when you get to that state and suddenly you're in Egypt. | ||
| Because you're starting to understand about what's going on and you're getting this information from the internet, showing you what other people in other parts of the world, how they're living. | ||
| The point is suddenly, like, a lot of shit starts seeming really, like, we've been asked to believe a lot of stuff. | ||
| Kind of like you ask your kids to believe a lot of stuff when they're growing up, and you do it to keep them safe. | ||
| You tell them these stories, and you want them to believe it. | ||
| But eventually, your kid knows that whatever story you told them about where the baby is coming from isn't completely real, and your kid's going to start wanting to know the truth. | ||
| And then at that age, you tell your kid the truth, and it's uncomfortable or whatever you would tell them the truth. | ||
| But now, it's like we still have kings. | ||
| We have kings and queens. | ||
| They're still serious kings. | ||
| And you're expecting people to keep believing this king is any more special than anyone else? | ||
| Like, okay, you want me to keep buying this thing about the king, about how he gets to wear the throne and gets to have the giant fucking mansion that he lives in and all this property he lives in because he's a king and he's in the bloodline of some what? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| We're all the same, man! | ||
| I gotta keep playing this fucking masquerade party with you and believe you're a king? | ||
| How much longer do I have to do this? | ||
| Because I'm hungry! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| It's like that kind of stuff where people are like, okay, so you're a president? | ||
| Oh, I get it. | ||
| Okay, so I guess I'm supposed to believe that there's a government which is mostly just like, what, 120 old men in a room? | ||
| I'm supposed to believe they're the ones who know how to do everything and that system's the right way? | ||
| And it's like, all that stuff starts, you know, spreading where people are like, I don't know if I can believe the whole you're a cop, I'm a person thing. | ||
| It's getting kind of hard for me. | ||
| I mean, I believe it because you got a billy club and you're fucking... | ||
| Beating my friend in a wheelchair to death, but I'm not sure if you really represent the real authority of the world. | ||
| And so that kind of stuff starts emerging and emerging as people evolve, and the authority in the world is like, fuck, you gotta believe the game! | ||
| If you don't believe this fucking game, we don't know what to do. | ||
| What are we gonna do? | ||
| We can't just reformat everything all of a sudden. | ||
| So do you think that law enforcement almost inhibits evolution by creating this culture where people are getting constantly in trouble with things? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what law enforcement, a lot of law enforcement is? | ||
| It's delivery drivers for the prison industrial complex. | ||
| They deliver fucking bags of gold to the prisons, drop them off at the door, and they fucking make so much money. | ||
| I think we need cops. | ||
| We need cops. | ||
| No question about it. | ||
| Watch that Richard Pryor joke about, like... | ||
| Well, we need prisons. | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| So funny, but we need... | ||
| There are aspects and elements of society that need to be in a cage. | ||
| Yes, absolutely. | ||
| But, you know, you don't need to be in a cage for smoking pot. | ||
| You don't need to be in a cage for taking acid or taking mushrooms. | ||
| You don't need to be in a cage because you told people that the military was using fucking military choppers to gun down reporters and you had the balls to tell that to the world. | ||
| That's no reason to put someone in a cage. | ||
| So it's like, at some point, a certain number of people realize, okay, this is like a kid's game. | ||
| This is a game of make-believe that went way too far. | ||
| And I don't feel like doing this game of make-believe anymore because it's destroying the planet. | ||
| So we've got to come up with a new game that works. | ||
| How are you going to convince those 60 or 120 old fucking drooling men shitting their pants, getting payoffs from the tobacco companies, writing bullshit laws without hesitation? | ||
| How are you going to convince them, like, you know what? | ||
| Do you guys mind going home? | ||
| And we're going to get some young people in here because they understand the world. | ||
| We do understand the world, but we don't understand the economic system. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I'm sure some young people do. | ||
| There's young people right now protesting, listening, saying, I know, I understand it. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| Look, I know. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| All I understand is like that video. | ||
| Did you see that video I sent you today? | ||
| Did you watch that fucking thing? | ||
| What did you send me? | ||
| Oh, it's a Marine who is like, you know, he starts off and kind of dramatically rips off his fucking medals. | ||
| And he's like, I'm not going to do it anymore. | ||
| And then he just starts going into graphic... | ||
| Depictions of the different innocent people he killed when he was in Iraq. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And how like the Marines act completely different when there's embedded with them a reporter than they do. | ||
| Now is this real? | ||
| I didn't investigate it. | ||
| I hope it's not real. | ||
| I hope it seemed very real. | ||
| He talked about how his squad commander, whatever it's called, said that he would congratulate them on their first kill. | ||
| And he said, whichever one are you. | ||
| Makes your first kill by stabbing someone to death? | ||
| I'm giving you four days leave. | ||
| And like, it's like that kind of shit. | ||
| Like, how are you gonna convince those guys that, you know, we should all just love each other? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe Daryl? | |
| How do you stop it? | ||
| You don't. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| There's no way to stop it. | ||
| There's no way to stop it unless somebody invents something that I think would change the world, and I'd be glad to tell you what it is. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| A genetic scientist. | ||
| Needs to figure out a way to put LSD into the common cold so that a psychedelic experience would spread like a virus through society. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| But the problem with it is you'd have to figure out a way to design it so the tolerance is really huge so a person only gets it once. | ||
| Oh, that's the problem with it. | ||
| Maybe there's a doctor out there. | ||
| He's like, the problem with it is, I think there's several problems with that. | ||
| Well, there's some other problems, I suppose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not really up to you to decide whether people should be getting dosed. | |
| Are you trying to invent this right now in your house? | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| I'm not a chemist. | ||
| I'm just throwing it out there. | ||
| Oh my God, you threw it out there. | ||
| You really did, you fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, way to go. | |
| Somebody might be actually thinking about this. | ||
| Well, I mean, what? | ||
| So look, here's the idea. | ||
| So, okay, so let's just keep running things the way they're running. | ||
| No, I don't think that's going on either, man. | ||
| I think you're just not happy with the pace that things are accelerating to. | ||
| I don't think you can genetically engineer it on your own. | ||
| Or can you? | ||
| Maybe that's what you're there for. | ||
| Maybe the guy who does that, that really is his purpose in the evolutionary chain. | ||
| He was supposed to step in and just see a new leap that others weren't willing to take. | ||
| And so he dragged everyone along and he was responsible for the next hiccup in evolution. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just gave someone a manifesto. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| There's some fucking dude living in one of those loft apartments where you can drive your car up in an elevator and he's by himself right now carving his blade of his knife. | ||
| Invest in tie-dye and Hendrix now. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, that's an interesting fucking idea, that someone could engineer a virus that would induce a psychedelic state. | ||
| Yeah, or some kind of state. | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| It seems like if it could affect your body the way some colds can affect your body, they should be able to engineer something that could affect your brain. | ||
| Something that is a byproduct, it creates a tryptamine effect. | ||
| When you think about it, man, when you do MDMA and the next day, you sort of feel like you came down from a cold. | ||
| You sort of feel like you had a cold. | ||
| Like your body was fighting something. | ||
| Unless you just roll off. | ||
| Does that stuff work? | ||
| Yeah, it does work. | ||
| It doesn't really work, though. | ||
| It's not like it doesn't want to completely bring you to 100%. | ||
| I haven't done much. | ||
| Well, I haven't done MDMA much or molly or whatever it's called much, but I did it once without having that and then once with having it and it was a totally big difference. | ||
| There was no hangover at all like the next day. | ||
| And it's just like you take it before you do it and then after right before you go to bed. | ||
| Roll on and roll off. | ||
| So you really didn't feel anything funky? | ||
| No, I mean you're going to probably have a hangover no matter what, but I definitely felt way better than the last time I did. | ||
| I hate that feeling so much. | ||
| I only did that stuff once because of that feeling. | ||
| It was too much. | ||
| That feeling was too terrible. | ||
| I was in a coffee shop the next day and I bought a magazine with me. | ||
| And I was sitting there drinking a cup of coffee trying to read this magazine. | ||
| I couldn't read. | ||
| Couldn't focus. | ||
| Couldn't focus on the words. | ||
| Couldn't put my head into a paragraph. | ||
| Couldn't do it. | ||
| And I was like, oh, this is terrible. | ||
| This is a terrible, terrible place for your brain to be. | ||
| And I went on stage and I felt that it was like 80%. | ||
| Even though I hit all the beats right, I did all my material correctly, I felt like I was only like 80% right. | ||
| Like my brain was just not capable of totally connecting to the material. | ||
| You know how it is when you're in the groove, when you're on stage. | ||
| You're totally connected to the material. | ||
| You know where the beats are. | ||
| You feel it. | ||
| You're in the jokes. | ||
| You're in there. | ||
| You're totally in the moment. | ||
| But sometimes not. | ||
| And this time, I just could not force myself into it. | ||
| I was saying everything correctly, but I couldn't quite keep up with it. | ||
| I was like, this is terrible for your brain. | ||
| I've never had that feeling before. | ||
| It's like a feeling of a dullness, like a dying battery. | ||
| It felt awful. | ||
| Yeah, I hate it. | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| But I did learn a lot when I did it, man. | ||
| Boy, I got a big lesson about insecurity. | ||
| That's the thing that hit me the most. | ||
| God, if everybody was in some sort of a way, the way people are during an acid trip or an MDMA trip, you never would have to worry about fights ever again. | ||
| brain can be engineered to operate at those RPMs on a regular basis. | ||
| Because now the idea is that you take this MDMA, you take ecstasy, whatever the fuck it is, and it makes you high for a brief moment and then brings you down But what if the mind could sustain those levels of those chemicals on a regular basis? | ||
| I mean, is that not possible? | ||
| Why would anyone assume we could not evolve to that? | ||
| If we've come to this point from some shit-throwing, you know, tree-swinging little monkey people, If that's what we used to be, and we've come this far, we can't take that other leap to have the levels of chemicals in our brains operate so that you would be like you were on ecstasy all the time. | ||
| That would be the way to engineer a loving culture. | ||
| Because I did not feel stupid when I was on it, which was very amazing that I could think very clearly. | ||
| But I remember thinking, wow, how silly are my insecurities? | ||
| Imagine like another universe where instead of building an atomic bomb, Einstein or these scientists had come up with these theories and physics of a way to create, like, some kind of device that blasts pure love into people so that when it goes off, the city that it's in, everyone in the city gets filled with, like, as though you were on the best ecstasy on the planet, that level of love. | ||
| So you're at war with a country, and instead of destroying them, you're just blasting them with love chemicals so that there's no way that they can... | ||
| He's going to poison a big population of people with acid, aren't you? | ||
| You keep setting yourself up as that guy. | ||
| You're Johnny Appleseed. | ||
| Ah, Bert Kreiser, get out of here. | ||
| I think I actually said Johnny Appleseed incorrectly, right? | ||
| Didn't we ever discuss who Johnny Appleseed is on the podcast? | ||
| Yeah, you didn't think it existed. | ||
| What did he do again? | ||
| He spread out apples throughout the Midwest. | ||
| You couldn't be... | ||
| You would be the Johnny Appleseed of... | ||
| Ecstasy? | ||
| Of ecstasy. | ||
| You know, I think that would be a great claim to fame, but I'm not going to... | ||
| Like, I really obviously would never poison people, even if I had the opportunity, but at some point... | ||
| You know, drastic measures have to be taken. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Listen to what you're saying. | ||
| You're saying that you're not comfortable with the speed at which evolution is happening. | ||
| It's obvious that people are evolving, but you're not comfortable that people haven't reached your level yet, so your fucking solution is to engineer some way to poison them. | ||
| Let me just say. | ||
| Some way to dose them. | ||
| You're going to use them as guinea pigs. | ||
| Let me tell you this. | ||
| And I'm for it. | ||
| I'm for it, too. | ||
| It's not mine. | ||
| Are you for it? | ||
| I think if it was 100% safe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, but they would have to be all kids and black kids. | ||
| Just kidding, I would not be for it. | ||
| But what if it wasn't 100% safe? | ||
| What if it was 80% safe? | ||
| Listen, man, you can't tell people they have to dig acid, alright? | ||
| Some people are happy as fuck living a simple life. | ||
| And that is their prerogative. | ||
| This is a temporary experience. | ||
| And just because you see some great depth into it doesn't mean you can impose those ideals on other people that love a simple life. | ||
| There's people out there that genuinely like country music. | ||
| They like feeding animals and they like making fucking sweet potato pie. | ||
| And that's cool. | ||
| They're called my parents. | ||
| You can't dose your parents. | ||
| Try tickling first. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| I'm not talking about literally... | ||
| You are, though. | ||
| It's never going to happen. | ||
| I know, but it could. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just saying, an interest... | |
| You have diagrams. | ||
| At what point do you do what Anonymous is doing? | ||
| At what point do you go from looking at the world and seeing some fucked up shit going down? | ||
| What point do you go from talking about this shit going down to actively trying to fight against it? | ||
| Did you see the Warren Buffet thing? | ||
| No. | ||
| Warren Buffet just wrote some big article on corporate taxes and why do I have to pay so little taxes? | ||
| Why do all my super rich friends get to pay taxes? | ||
| And he described in detail a bunch of crazy clauses that are in place that allow these guys to only have like 17% taxes and especially people that make their money with money. | ||
| There's all sorts of things that can be factored in and because of that they pay even less taxes. | ||
| And he's like, this is crazy. | ||
| This is all engineered ridiculous. | ||
| Why are you protecting the super rich? | ||
| It's really, really fascinating. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| It's really fascinating because he stepped up and he uses the terms like my mega rich friends, my super rich friends. | ||
| He really just kind of laid it all out. | ||
| It's fascinating. | ||
| So when do we do something about it? | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| Because you've got to do something at some point. | ||
| But once you bring it down, do we know who's going to build it back up? | ||
| No, you don't have to bring it down. | ||
| But at some point, I just heard this thing. | ||
| It's this guy, that guy's rant on, I don't even remember the show, but it went viral. | ||
| And it's this guy steamed up about how Republican or Democrat, it doesn't matter. | ||
| There's a system in place that is pulling the wealth of the nation into the overseas banking community. | ||
| It was like really intense and it went viral. | ||
| It went super viral. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But the question is, Do we dose the IRS or not? | |
| No, at what point? | ||
| What a bunch of bad trips they would have. | ||
| Think about all the houses they took away. | ||
| Math trips. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my gosh! | |
| All the people where they just literally stole their money and they went poor and they couldn't fucking feed themselves. | ||
| But when do you do... | ||
| Anyway, this guy said we have a bought Congress. | ||
| He said that Congress is in the pocket of corporations. | ||
| Whether this is true or not, I don't know. | ||
| But I did read, if you go to Boehner's Wikipedia page... | ||
| It's spelled boner, but Boehner, B-O-E-H-N-E-R. If you go to his Wikipedia page, it talks about one of the controversies around him was that there was a big vote coming up against tobacco. | ||
| And right before the vote happened, he went and passed out checks from big tobacco on the floor to all these senators. | ||
| He passed it out publicly. | ||
| And I don't know what this exactly was, but... | ||
| So that guy's bought. | ||
| He's passing out checks from tobacco companies in our government. | ||
| Like, that guy's bought. | ||
| It's on Wikipedia. | ||
| Look it up, and maybe someone can really explain to me why he did that or what's happened there. | ||
| So we have what's called a bought Congress. | ||
| We have our leaders, many of them, are in the pockets of the corporations. | ||
| Their decisions aren't based on the will of the people. | ||
| Their decisions are based on what's better for the corporations and the mega-rich. | ||
| And fucking Warren Buffett just went out and talked about it. | ||
| Make that stop. | ||
| When does it happen? | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| Democracy didn't work. | ||
| Didn't work. | ||
| They beat it. | ||
| They figured it out. | ||
| Of course they figured it out. | ||
| It's like the Rubik's Cube. | ||
| You do it enough times, somebody's gonna fucking figure out how to beat the Rubik's Cube. | ||
| They figured it out. | ||
| The fucking founding fathers talked about this very thing, the possibility of this kind of thing happening. | ||
| It happened. | ||
| Now what do we do? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Do you sit and drink Starbucks and buy your fucking iPhone and fucking play video games and get on a podcast from time to time and whine? | ||
| Or do you fucking do something? | ||
| When do you do something? | ||
| That's what I want to know. | ||
| When do people act? | ||
| That's why I'm so fascinated with fucking anonymous right now, because they're acting No matter what people says, oh, they're just a bunch of 14-year-olds in the basement of their Bob's house. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| They just fucking did a—they shut down train stations. | ||
| They're shutting shit down. | ||
| They're, like, blasting foreign countries. | ||
| Yeah, but that's one step away is Obama's going to go on television going, okay, just so you know, we're now considering these guys terrorists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That's all that's going to happen. | ||
| And then these 14-year-olds that are in basements who are thinking they're doing a good job are now going, okay, now we're going to get in prison for 60 years and a federal crime. | ||
| Okay, no, I'm not worth it. | ||
| I'm going back to work. | ||
| Here's the thing, but for the rest of history, if every member of whatever this mysterious weird group is gets arrested tomorrow, for the rest of time, They still will exist as an organization that was one of the first emergent revolutionary organizations in the technological age. | ||
| And to me, that is amazing. | ||
| Oh, it's super amazing. | ||
| And I completely support them, but they're just better watch out because I think that's coming. | ||
| I think they're doing it. | ||
| They're going to be considered terrorists any second now. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I mean, our country considers anything that goes against their ideals, terrorism, to the point where it's obvious that certain people aren't. | ||
| They're insurgents. | ||
| Those are insurgents. | ||
| What the fuck's an insurgent? | ||
| Those are people who don't want you invading their country. | ||
| They're not insurgents. | ||
| You're going to call them an insurgent? | ||
| Do you know how many fucking kids in Afghanistan died from drone attacks? | ||
| They just released it, like 168 kids dead from drone attacks. | ||
| A lot of insurgents apparently don't understand why you gotta blow up toddlers. | ||
| So the question is, when do people... | ||
| Could you fucking imagine if you were living over there, if that's your roll of the dice, you're a fucking mountain goat herder in Afghanistan. | ||
| And you literally are under the power of various warlords. | ||
| You know, one city in the entire country, Kabul. | ||
| Everything else is just warlords. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Warlords, dude. | ||
| Warlords. | ||
| You know how they get the information from the warlords? | ||
| They give them Viagra. | ||
| That's how they find out where the Taliban is. | ||
| They give them Viagra. | ||
| That's the number one move. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Hopefully you didn't learn that on Cinemax after night. | ||
| No, dude, I read that online. | ||
| I read it online. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| It's authenticated. | ||
| It was on a major website. | ||
| I don't remember where the fuck I read it. | ||
| So what we know. | ||
| But it totally makes sense. | ||
| These old dudes, they can't fuck anymore. | ||
| And they have all these hoes. | ||
| Like, when you're a warlord, you don't have one wife. | ||
| You've got a gang of wives. | ||
| You've got a gang of wives, right? | ||
| He's like 60. His dick doesn't work anymore. | ||
| And he's got these 20 bitches he's trying to hold down. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like you can order Viagra when you live deep in a fucking deadly valley. | ||
| Like, they even knew about it, right? | ||
| I bet the first time they ever dropped it out, they were like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| A pill that makes your dick hard. | ||
| Like, what kind of geniuses are out there while I'm herding goats on a mountain somewhere? | ||
| It's fucked up that we can use those drones in other countries that we're not even supposed to be at war with, too, like Pakistan. | ||
| They just sneak a drone over there and shoot some shit. | ||
| All right, we're going to leave now. | ||
| All right, yeah. | ||
| Hellfire missiles. | ||
| That's the craziest thing. | ||
| They named them. | ||
| They don't have the name like H-256. | ||
| Hellfire missiles. | ||
| Actually, maybe they do. | ||
| Maybe the Hellfire is the nickname. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I don't want angry aficionados to call up. | ||
| It's so creepy, man. | ||
| If you think about that stuff too much, God, especially if you... | ||
| If you eat mushrooms and your brain decides to start thinking about the Taliban, oh God, that's the worst. | ||
| I have rolled against the wall of my fucking apartment, clutching my head with visions of bearded strangers strapping suicide bombs to their bodies and wandering into the streets to blow up other people. | ||
| When you really consider that this happens, at this very second right now, There's two things happening. | ||
| There's a guy at fucking Halliburton who's screwing the top on a Hellfire missile that no doubt will land in some playground in Afghanistan and incinerate some toddlers, and he's like, ah! | ||
| Almost off work! | ||
| Only six more of these I gotta screw on. | ||
| There's that guy and then there's some guy in the Middle East right now strapping a fucking belt around his waist and he's got a little timer or a phone and he's buttoning everything up and he knows that any second, like in the next hour or two, he's going to be hamburger meat all over some fucking cafe or hotel. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| We live in... | ||
| These are two insane people. | ||
| I frankly think one's a lot crazier than the other, and it ain't the fucking guy with a bomb belt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the fucking weirdos like, yeah, just screwing the tops on missiles. | |
| Wonder where these are gonna go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's keep pushing them down the line, boys. | |
| Wonder where these are gonna go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who knows? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Cluster bombs. | ||
| Here's another box of cluster bombs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoopsies. | |
| Whoops. | ||
| Ah, shit. | ||
| I wonder why it malfunctioned like that. | ||
| Hmm, perhaps we should analyze the 413 chip. | ||
| You just killed toddlers. | ||
| Oh yeah, of course we did. | ||
| But I wonder what it is. | ||
| Maybe the battery malfunctioned. | ||
| The battery's malfunctioning in your heart, murderers. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's like, why are we doing this? | ||
| What the fuck's going on? | ||
| That poppy field thing on the internet where you're talking about the soldiers standing in the poppy fields? | ||
| Yet another thing not to listen to when you're fucking baked. | ||
| That'll send you spiraling into a paranoid episode quicker than seeing your grandmother die. | ||
| There's never been a more clear indication that they're in on it than soldiers guarding poppy fields. | ||
| I mean, you just gotta... | ||
| At a certain point in time, you gotta go, wait, what? | ||
| They had Geraldo Rivera... | ||
| And he was interviewing one of the soldiers. | ||
| He was like, yeah, well, we don't like it, but we have to guard the fields in order to get information from these people. | ||
| We have to let them live their way of life. | ||
| Like, what are you talking about, son? | ||
| Are you really telling me you're letting people grow heroin and you guys are guarding it? | ||
| But that's it. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| You don't have any financial stake in it. | ||
| You know, we're taking American lives and they're over there with machine guns guarding poppy fields. | ||
| For who? | ||
| By who? | ||
| Against who? | ||
| Excuse me? | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Where's the money going? | ||
| Someone's getting paid, you fuck. | ||
| You don't have soldiers wandering through fields unless there's some money being exchanged hands. | ||
| Period. | ||
| That's expensive to feed a soldier. | ||
| Why the fuck would they put the resources of those soldiers, why would they put them to use in that area? | ||
| Like that. | ||
| You know what that makes me think though, man? | ||
| How fucking cool would it be to have your own army? | ||
| Wouldn't that be awesome to have like 200, like an army? | ||
| There's people who know what it's like to have an army. | ||
| There he goes with having an army again. | ||
| Well, you know what happened with Blackwater, right? | ||
| Do you know what happened with Blackwater? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| Supposedly, this is all supposedly. | ||
| They just got some giant crazy contracts with the United Arab Emirates. | ||
| And they're gonna, you know, I think it's like in Abu Dhabi, maybe Abu Dhabi. | ||
| They're starting like a private military. | ||
| You know, he's putting together some crazy mercenary group to shut down uprisings and make sure that no nutty shit happens and they don't lose all their money. | ||
| I actually heard about this. | ||
| Isn't it called Cobra? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know if it's even true. | ||
| Please, please let it be called Cobra. | ||
| It's not called Cobra. | ||
| I made that up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not Cobra fucking commander. | |
| Damn it, you asshole. | ||
| Well, this guy, who was the guy that was the head of Blackwater, apparently got some huge deal to go over there. | ||
| So I read online. | ||
| That would make sense, man. | ||
| If I was some fucking dude in the Middle East like that, I was a king, I was like, I need to protect this shit. | ||
| I'm going to have to hire me. | ||
| And once you get to that position, me ain't going to let that go. | ||
| No one's letting that go. | ||
| Why would you let that go? | ||
| I'm the king, dude. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| I got a new army. | ||
| We got shit on lockdown. | ||
| You're going to resist everything. | ||
| Any form of assimilation. | ||
| I don't care what you saw on Google. | ||
| I got a palace I gotta keep up. | ||
| What would it be like to be a king and have an acid trip? | ||
| A king and have a really deep acid trip. | ||
| Just great. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like having a fucking harem. | ||
| Like tripping on acid and knowing you had access to a harem if things got weird. | ||
| Don't you think you would freak out thinking about all the people that hated you? | ||
| And all the people that wanted you dead, all the people that wanted your throne. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You just get the Joker to dance for you and you'll forget about it. | ||
| I mean, just living in any sort of a place where there's one person that is thought to be the king. | ||
| He's the king, I guess. | ||
| The king of Jordan, the king of Egypt, the king. | ||
| The king of England, the queen of England. | ||
| That's got to be a terrifying position. | ||
| To be the king? | ||
| Yeah, you must be totally paranoid all the time. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| I mean, look at what Obama's got to ride in. | ||
| He's got to ride in some kind of bulletproof fucking... | ||
| Of course, also, because he's black. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| That's the real reason. | ||
| That's the real reason. | ||
| It's a big reason. | ||
| Look, people tried to kill Ronald Reagan, of course. | ||
| You know, people... | ||
| I think someone... | ||
| Wasn't there some sort of a thwarted attempt against... | ||
| It was something about George W., but they got it, like, way before anything happened. | ||
| It was a grenade, I think. | ||
| They were trying to lob a grenade on stage. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| There's... | ||
| I mean, there's always... | ||
| There's always one crazy faction of society that wants this president dead or the United States president dead for whatever reason. | ||
| But I always feel like with Obama, the shit that I hear online and the things that I read, it's like the racism is pretty obvious, man. | ||
| There's a lot of people that don't just not like him as a person. | ||
| They don't like him because he's black. | ||
| Oh, fuck, yeah. | ||
| And they talk about it pretty openly. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And call him a monkey. | ||
| It's really, really fucking fascinating, the level of disrespect. | ||
| You know the idea? | ||
| Just imagine right now, the way you're going to feel the day after Michelle Bachmann gets elected, if she got elected. | ||
| Imagine how you were going to feel. | ||
| You know what I'm going to feel? | ||
| I'm going to feel, how much money does it cost me every year to live in Vancouver? | ||
| And I call my accountant, and I'm going to say, all right, now tell me what I would have to do. | ||
| I'd have to pay taxes in both places? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I can do that, though, and I can live there, and I can still be a United States citizen? | ||
| Let's fucking do it. | ||
| I would just do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I'd just move the fuck up there. | ||
| That... | ||
| Is the way racists felt when Obama got elected. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That's the fucking sense of horror that some people had. | ||
| Not because of his views, not because of his ideas, but because he's black. | ||
| They were like, oh my fucking god, this is it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is it, Charlie! | |
| It's over! | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| Yeah, that's amazing. | ||
| So, yeah man, it's completely out there. | ||
| And then, you add onto that the fact that he fucking didn't exactly hit a home run. | ||
| To put it lightly. | ||
| Dude, he stepped up to plate and got hit with a meteor shower. | ||
| I mean, I don't think any president had any chance of making any of this look good. | ||
| There was a gigantic scheme going on. | ||
| It collapsed and created this vortex of suck and unemployment and home foreclosures. | ||
| And anybody stepping into that vortex would have been sucked into its momentum. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's my opinion. | ||
| It kind of sucks that while he was in that fucking vortex, he like started saying that people could start raiding medicinal marijuana dispensaries again. | ||
| Under him, they started doing that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did they say that they raided them because they violated both state and federal law? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| Because that was one of the claims that Obama said. | ||
| You see, he never said that he would stop raiding medical marijuana clinics. | ||
| I think the language they used was they were going to stop unless they were violating both state and federal law. | ||
| So if someone was selling marijuana, you're automatically violating federal law. | ||
| But are you staying within the state guidelines? | ||
| If so, then we're going to leave you alone. | ||
| But if not, then we're going to go after you. | ||
| And that's what they did. | ||
| Oh, that's what he said? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because I heard there was a new thing. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I heard that too, but I didn't investigate it enough to be talking about it. | ||
| It's very hard for me to... | ||
| Hate our country so much, Duncan? | ||
| No, I love our country. | ||
| Well, let me be clear about this. | ||
| I don't think we're happy. | ||
| I'm not happy until there's full legalization. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And here's the problem with this idea of medical, is that I believe, at least the way I understand it, that it can be interpreted that the only way you're supposed to be running one of these collectives and dispensaries is you're not supposed to be making any profit. | ||
| I believe they're supposed to be a non-profit sort of a business. | ||
| But obviously these people are making a fuckload of money. | ||
| So it's a very tricky sort of a gray area that's going on right now. | ||
| So I'm not even happy with just the medical distinction. | ||
| It's silliness. | ||
| It's 2011. Any argument about giving any inches or just anything at all in that direction. | ||
| Like, okay, well maybe we should make it illegal if you're... | ||
| No, stop it! | ||
| It's a fucking plant. | ||
| You can't make it illegal. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| It's a fucking plant. | ||
| It grows in the ground. | ||
| You can't say it's no good. | ||
| It's not a poison. | ||
| There's all these plants that grow strychnine. | ||
| They make strychnine. | ||
| You can buy them. | ||
| They sell salvia at Target, and I would think that salvia is way more dangerous for kids. | ||
| They sell salvia at Target? | ||
| Salvia plants in the nursery. | ||
| Go check it out. | ||
| Is that the same type of salvia? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't know, but I do know that they sell the San Pedro cactus at Home Depot. | ||
| The San Pedro cactus is how you get mescaline. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's where peyote comes from. | ||
| You can take that fucking cactus, and if you know how to do it, there's a bunch of forms that will show you how to go through a step-by-step process online. | ||
| Yeah man, it's fucked up. | ||
| It's fucking, it's ridiculous! | ||
| It's not just fucked up, it's like that, if there's a one thing that has to happen, the first thing that's gonna happen, and people don't put as much stock into this idea because it seems like a silly request, but if you could fix anything about the world, what would you do? | ||
| I'd make psychedelics regularly available and legal and have people and devote energy and money to studying them and to distributing them correctly. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And get people who are shaman to take people on authentic trips. | ||
| People who have navigated these worlds. | ||
| And then when the people come back and they need help with this reprogramming, you sit down with them. | ||
| You have groups of people that have also had the experience. | ||
| Sit down with them. | ||
| Discuss what about it. | ||
| Did it make you think about yourself? | ||
| Was there anything that it glaringly obvious you needed to change? | ||
| And then the person would say, yeah, well there's this fucking thing that freaks me out. | ||
| I'm kind of a cheap fuck. | ||
| I think we need to deal with that, right? | ||
| I mean, you're kind of selfish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I'm just like, it's a force of habit. | ||
| And if you have any weird sort of a personality tick like that, and you do any psychedelic, even eat pot, just eat a cookie, man. | ||
| That's the first thing that's going to hit you. | ||
| You're going to think about being a creepy person. | ||
| You're going to think about your creepy behavior. | ||
| If there's ever a way to re-engineer society, it's to shock people out of their current pattern of behavior that they find almost unavoidable. | ||
| The same patterns that cause people to overeat or chronic masturbation, we have to figure out a way to blast people out of those. | ||
| Shock you out of the pattern, show you yourself from an angle or perspective that's not available without the psychedelic, then bring you back and give you something to think about. | ||
| You know, it's like these little trips, these little blasts. | ||
| They're just little bursts of evolution. | ||
| It's society. | ||
| You see yourself. | ||
| You see how you can fit. | ||
| You see nice. | ||
| You see positive. | ||
| Good. | ||
| I'll see you in a couple months. | ||
| And just keep doing that. | ||
| And every couple months, people go in, get blasted, talk to people. | ||
| People talk through situations and tell them about ego and that it's all a trick and it's Just temporary anyway, man. | ||
| The best feeling you'll ever get is to be really cool to as many people as you can. | ||
| The best feeling you'll ever get is just to be nice to as many people as you can. | ||
| Be friendly to them, shake their hand, hug them if you can, and just be someone that other people enjoy to be around. | ||
| When you do that, you create positive energy, you create love, you create this burst comes from you and you attract it and you bring it into your world. | ||
| See you in a couple months. | ||
| And then the guy comes back every couple months. | ||
| One trip after another. | ||
| And a year later, you can't even recognize this guy. | ||
| A year later, this guy is fucking eating organic food and drinking coconut water and going to CrossFit and reading about the Bhagavad Gita. | ||
| And you become a different human being. | ||
| You become a human being that's... | ||
| Actualized. | ||
| That's a good word. | ||
| That's a good word. | ||
| But then, you know, that is possible. | ||
| You can evolve without drugs. | ||
| You can evolve just with hard work and focus and attention and meditation. | ||
| Or you can just take the drugs and get their way quicker. | ||
| It's up to you, man. | ||
| Or go crazy and combine the two. | ||
| You know, it's not like you can only do one or the other. | ||
| Actually, I found the combination of the two is amazing. | ||
| Getting really high and chanting is such a Perfect synergy. | ||
| It's so fun to do, but I mean getting high and doing anything is pretty fun. | ||
| To me the most amazing is getting high and doing yoga. | ||
| Dude, I love to get super baked. | ||
| I get baked in hotel rooms and I'll do yoga. | ||
| I got like a few DVDs and I got one thing that I downloaded that I can watch on my laptop. | ||
| Dude, I'll get just blitzkrieked so you're just in tune with every fucking fiber of your muscles and you're holding these poses and I'm reading from this book that has this fucking black and white photo of this Indian dude doing it from 1934 and he's doing these crazy ass fucking poses and I'm holding them in this hotel room and then after I'm done man It's like it takes the high and brings it to this completely new room. | ||
| It's super clean and it's like you sit here in this new room and just relax a little until the yoga wears off and then you can go right back in. | ||
| It's like it puts you in some crazy new high room where you're like, I can see things so well right now. | ||
| It's like my body's in balance. | ||
| My mind is in balance. | ||
| I can see things so clearly. | ||
| Troubling decisions seem so obvious. | ||
| I would love to see both of your favorite thing to do high together at the same time, like you chanting and you doing yoga in the same room. | ||
| I think that you guys should do that sometime. | ||
| Yeah, but we could put that online and dudes would beat off to it. | ||
| I don't beat off anything! | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Some guy, bear, 69, cock. | ||
| Hey, I just want to let you know I'm beat off your thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| Thanks, bro. | ||
| You know you're straight to love your asshole. | ||
| That would be awesome. | ||
| Hey, can I ask you something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Because Brian started talking about it. | ||
| So what did you think of Planet of the Apes? | ||
| Listen, bro. | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| I got way more chimp in me than the average person. | ||
| So you put me in a movie where chimps start fucking shit up, I get very excited. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I thought the CGI was the shit. | ||
| I thought for a movie, for what I like to go to the movies to see, I want to see some fun shit. | ||
| I like comic book movies. | ||
| I like X-Men. | ||
| What was the latest X-Men? | ||
| I really liked that one a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like that kind of shit. | ||
| I like ridiculous movies. | ||
| First class. | ||
| Yeah, that one. | ||
| I like shit that's like... | ||
| I like stuff that's fun. | ||
| I want to just get into it. | ||
| And to me, this movie was... | ||
| First of all, the special effects were fucking insane. | ||
| So close to perfect. | ||
| So close to seeming like real chimps. | ||
| Can I say something? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| I don't want to see it. | ||
| You haven't seen it? | ||
| No, I've seen it. | ||
| But I don't want to see Chimpcock, but none of those chimps had genitals. | ||
| It's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| PG-13. | ||
| Well, it's not that they didn't have genitals. | ||
| They just never showed you an angle where you could see the dick. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| It was just clever photography. | ||
| Everything that you've just described about the movie, I agree with. | ||
| The CGI was fucking cool, and there were some really cool moments. | ||
| But what bothered me about the movie, what really bothered me about the movie... | ||
| It was the penis. | ||
| And what made me really start hating it halfway through and get embarrassed by it and just think I'll never go see a fucking movie again in my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, I got so pissed because I saw at the beginning, fucking News Corp. | ||
| And I was like, oh, here we go. | ||
| How did fucking Rupert Murdoch fuck this up? | ||
| How did he fuck it up? | ||
| These chimps, these fucking chimps who've been tortured in laboratories. | ||
| I told you about the time I almost got killed by a chimpanzee already, right? | ||
| I told you that story? | ||
| When was this? | ||
| I didn't tell you that story? | ||
| Even if you did, tell me again. | ||
| I'm sure a lot of people never heard of it. | ||
| Tell me. | ||
| So I, from this pilot I did for Comedy Central, we had a chimpanzee as one of the gags where I was playing chess with a chimpanzee and the chimpanzee beat me at a move. | ||
| And so, so like, oh, a chimpanzee is smarter than me. | ||
| It's just a stupid quick gag. | ||
| Like a computer's hooked up to the chimp and like, it says checkmate, the computer says checkmate. | ||
| So, I was really excited about this day and my friend, Tom Giannis, who was the co-creator of the show and directed it, he kept telling me, Duncan, do you think there's any way we could do this without a chimp? | ||
| Or do you really want to have a chimpanzee? | ||
| Because I've worked with chimpanzees before and they're really hard to control on set and they're dangerous. | ||
| And I'm like, you know, I want to work with a chimp, man. | ||
| I'm not going to say no to working with a chimp, and they're not dangerous, and they're going to sense that I'm a nice guy, and the chimpanzee's going to know I'm okay, and it's going to be fine. | ||
| I was looking forward to this for days, because I've always wanted to fucking hold a chimpanzee. | ||
| So, the chimp gets here. | ||
| I know the chimp's there because it's punching the hardwood floor as hard as it can as it's coming down to where we're shooting. | ||
| It's just punching the floor. | ||
| Punching the floor. | ||
| Punching the floor. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| This fucking thing, it looks like if you took a toddler and just blasted it with steroids. | ||
| It's like, imagine the most muscular toddler with the worst case of ADD on the planet. | ||
| That's a chimpanzee. | ||
| And so right before he starts shooting, the guy says, okay, just so you guys know, it's a very friendly monkey. | ||
| Call him a monkey? | ||
| I'm sorry, chimp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, that trainer sucks, dude. | |
| How'd that guy get that chimp? | ||
| How do you become a chimp trainer? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is there a Harvard for chimp trainers? | ||
| You just fucking get a chimp, say you're a trainer, and you can rent the thing out. | ||
| Don't you have to be a primatologist or something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So this fucking monkey, so he's like, just so you know, the chimpanzee is the strongest person in the room. | ||
| If he comes up to you, he just wants to say hi, he's very friendly, just don't make any quick movements. | ||
| And so, suddenly this chimp is sitting in front of me, and it goes from being like, oh this is going to be cute, to being like, this is no different than being with a tiger. | ||
| This thing is fucking strong. | ||
| It seems kind of focused and cool right now, but it was being a little weird earlier. | ||
| How big was it? | ||
| I don't know the weight of the thing. | ||
| It was probably like a little higher than my waist, like with the chimp crouch happening. | ||
| So you say maybe 70 pounds, 80 pounds? | ||
| I'd say like probably 80 pounds or something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| So it's not a baby. | ||
| No, it's a middle-aged little guy wearing blue jeans. | ||
| I think it's more than 100 pounds. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I could have picked it up. | ||
| It's muscular shit, right? | ||
| They're real muscular. | ||
| So we're starting to do the scene. | ||
| Chimps got to move a piece. | ||
| By the way, for animal rights people out there, I will never, ever, ever, ever use a chimpanzee again in anything. | ||
| That I ever do. | ||
| I don't advocate it. | ||
| It's cruel. | ||
| It's a horrible thing. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| These creatures belong in habitats or in the wild. | ||
| They do not belong on a movie set. | ||
| They're very cool. | ||
| Very cool creatures, but it's a terrible thing. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| So I'm fucking sitting there and basically in like two seconds... | ||
| The chimp went from being calm and kind of focused to screaming at the top of its lungs and shooting past me at maybe 20 miles per hour. | ||
| Like, there's no way I could have reacted if it wanted to pounce on me. | ||
| I couldn't have blocked it. | ||
| It was like just this bang, like a lightning bolt. | ||
| It shoots by me and runs to the top of this divider. | ||
| So now it's pulling like a King Kong. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's screaming at all of us, and I'm like, fuck, I'm feeling the worst sense of guilt and fear. | ||
| Anyway, we get it back down. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| We get it back down. | ||
| Everything's fine again. | ||
| It's like nothing happened. | ||
| I didn't just freak out. | ||
| Nothing just happened. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| Gets off its chair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa. | |
| Hold on. | ||
| This thing freaked out, and you went back to work with it again? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Went back to work. | ||
| Went back to work. | ||
| I had to get the shot, man! | ||
| It's low budget! | ||
| Fuck it, man! | ||
| Let's go for it! | ||
| So what if I lose my... | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I was terrified it was a bad decision in retrospect. | ||
| But in the moment, I decided to do it. | ||
| So the thing's in front of me again. | ||
| And it's calmed down. | ||
| And it's kind of cool. | ||
| And I look over. | ||
| The trainer is sweating. | ||
| Like, you know, nervous sweat. | ||
| Like, nervous, nervous sweat. | ||
| And I swear I hear the guy who's with him whisper to him. | ||
| Should we do it? | ||
| Should we do something with her? | ||
| Should we do it? | ||
| And he's like, not yet! | ||
| Yells at the guy. | ||
| So I'm thinking like, did he just suggest that they dart the chimp or something? | ||
| Like they calm it down, like something's not right with the chimp right now? | ||
| So anyway, thing goes for me again. | ||
| Not for me, but shoots out of the chair again. | ||
| The guy tackles it. | ||
| Football tackles the chimp, right? | ||
| Football tackles this poor fucking creature. | ||
| The guy hits his head on a chair. | ||
| He hits his nose on a chair from tackling the chimp. | ||
| The chimp didn't bite him, but he hit his nose. | ||
| I saw him do it. | ||
| So... | ||
| Because he tackled the chimp. | ||
| Why'd he tackle the chimp? | ||
| He saw something in the chimp's eyes that made him think, I gotta tackle this chimp. | ||
| So he tackles the chimp. | ||
| He stands up. | ||
| I look around. | ||
| The crew is like white-faced. | ||
| I'm sitting here frozen in terror. | ||
| I look over. | ||
| The chimp... | ||
| Is projectile vomiting bananas. | ||
| Because that's what they do when they get anxious. | ||
| And the guy's like, guys, we can go on. | ||
| Everything's fine. | ||
| Everything's fine. | ||
| Blood running down his face from where he slammed into the chair. | ||
| Just blood just gushing down the guy's face. | ||
| And, uh... | ||
| And I'm like, no, you know what? | ||
| I think we got it. | ||
| Let's call this a day. | ||
| And that happened, man. | ||
| Those fucking things are fast and deadly and dangerous and fucking kind of half insane because they're out of their environment. | ||
| So when I went to see Planet of the Apes and the first time one of those chimps went to kill someone and the chimps like, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You know, we mustn't kill. | ||
| Let's let these humans live. | ||
| I'm like, fuck that. | ||
| Chimps, if they were super intelligent, they'd be ripping people to, like, fucking turkey on Thanksgiving. | ||
| That's what annoyed me about it. | ||
| It should have been brutal. | ||
| It was more realistic. | ||
| You wanted to be more realistic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| I wanted to see fucking monkeys, like, not just, by the way, like, all these monkeys seem really good at jumping through office glass. | ||
| If they weren't, it would be the most boring movie ever, if they were all hitting the glass and falling back. | ||
| Not if they were grabbing the workers in the office and slamming their bodies into the glass like beanbags, splitting them like fucking... | ||
| So you didn't have fun with the movie at all? | ||
| You couldn't look at it? | ||
| I did think that some of that jumping through the glass shit was ridiculous, but I was willing to let it go because it was a fun movie. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I would think. | ||
| To me, it was just a fun, badass movie. | ||
| Listen, there is that part of my brain, too, that's like, whoa, this is fucking cool. | ||
| But I'm not discounting what you're saying. | ||
| I completely agree with you. | ||
| If they went full chimpanzee, what a chimp would really be like if it was intelligent, it would be a horror film. | ||
| A horror film with epic proportions, where the chimps would storm the town and just kill all the people. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And brutalize them. | ||
| That's what I wish they meant. | ||
| That's really what would happen. | ||
| I saw this really cool picture on... | ||
| This website I go to called Disinformation. | ||
| That sounds like a real credible source. | ||
| It's a great website, man. | ||
| They put out these books. | ||
| Disinformation.tv. | ||
| Where did you get the article? | ||
| Oh, it was on disinformation.com. | ||
| That sounds like you immediately just fall into one of those people that's constantly searching for the truth behind the lies. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not a conspiracy site. | ||
| It's a good site. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I go to her at all the time. | ||
| I'm just saying that that's one of those... | ||
| Like hot buttons, like disinformation.com, you know, disinfo. | ||
| It's like a website called We Lie to You or something. | ||
| They have that book, Disinformation. | ||
| Aren't they the people that have You're Being Lied To? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're the people that produce that book, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's them. | |
| And the whole series of those books, which are fantastic, by the way. | ||
| Great books. | ||
| You realize how many times people have been lied to all throughout history, and it's like, whoa, what the hell? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| About that, too? | ||
| Just about everything. | ||
| But there's a picture on this site of a painting someone did at Planet of the Apes and it's these apes with guns standing in front of a pile of dead human bodies like they're hunters posing with like things that they've killed. | ||
| Now that's cool when I see that because then they're really playing that like we flip the script here's what it's here's that Planet of the Apes By showing monkeys behaving like humans do, it was a cool, creative way to amplify the cruelty and humanity and brutality of humans. | ||
| That was an important aspect of it, is the monkeys were supposed to be cruel to things that they didn't think were smart. | ||
| So, the fact that these, their distant ancestors started off as, like, what appears to be, it seems like while that chimp was getting educated, he got a nice, heavy dose of, like, some form of, like... | ||
| This is no spoilers, by the way, right? | ||
| You're not going to drop some spoilers on us, because I haven't seen it yet. | ||
| It's Planet of the Fucking Apes. | ||
| If you don't know it's about talking monkeys, then what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, it's a little bit of a spoiler. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Look, I see what you're saying, man. | ||
| I think the movie is a spoiler. | ||
| I don't think that... | ||
| Oh, come on, man. | ||
| That movie was fun for me. | ||
| I enjoyed the shit out of it. | ||
| But you could make a movie where it would be all the scenes from King Kong and from the Hulk where they were just smashing everything, and I would watch that movie. | ||
| It could be like 40 minutes. | ||
| I would pay $20 to go to see just a video of the Hulk fucking shit up for 20 minutes and then King Kong fucking shit up. | ||
| Yeah, that's so fun. | ||
| The people screaming when he's stepping on them. | ||
| Oh, the old King Kong? | ||
| Yeah, that's awesome. | ||
| I just love the idea of the special effects. | ||
| Did you like Godzilla as much? | ||
| Yeah, I liked that when I was a kid. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| Those movies back then were so stupid. | ||
| It's like we all agreed that we're stupid. | ||
| We didn't think that was like a real monster. | ||
| There was no doubt that was not a real monster. | ||
| But we were willing to go along with it because it was kind of fun. | ||
| There was no doubt the water would not move that way if it was really the ocean. | ||
| That's a goddamn bathtub. | ||
| There's no doubt. | ||
| But we were willing to accept it because it was kind of a cool movie. | ||
| What's fun for me now is I just love watching these artificially created creatures that have been rendered on a computer and people are interacting with them. | ||
| To me, like the King Kong scene, when King Kong falls down, in the newest King Kong, he falls down in between these two Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And while you're watching, it's like, god damn, this is a motion picture piece of art. | ||
| This is a masterpiece what they've done. | ||
| This really does look like a giant gorilla fighting off T-Rexes. | ||
| That's fucking badass. | ||
| And it really does look like it's interacting with trees. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| When the fucking gorilla gets to the ground and starts duking it out with them, it's like, that really looks like a gorilla. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| Dude, I'm blown away by that shit. | ||
| Blown away. | ||
| Because I can't. | ||
| When you hear about computer language, I watched John Carmack do this speech about the new technology and their game, Rage, and all the different cool tweaks and different things that they've done with it. | ||
| Remember when we went there, when we were in Dallas and we got a chance to go, id software, they let us go walk around the studio and look at the game before it was ever made? | ||
| Dude, you listen to him talk and it's like, my brain is so far removed from any of this knowledge. | ||
| What he's discussing with how they've created video games, how they've changed the way the game interacts with people, and I know he's doing this with ones and zeros and numbers on white paper. | ||
| It's so far... | ||
| He might as well be an alien. | ||
| He might as well be an alien. | ||
| He might as well be a different species. | ||
| Somebody was just telling me that programmers' brains start working differently because they're constantly thinking in coding language and it creates this difference in the way their brains work, which I didn't really understand. | ||
| That totally makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, just when I use Photoshop. | ||
| And I think somebody built this. | ||
| Somebody figured out how to do this. | ||
| That is insane to me. | ||
| Who are these people? | ||
| We're giving Academy Awards and huge awards and accolades to symmetrical people who are really good at reciting lines in a specific way. | ||
| How come the famous people in our society aren't these Super geniuses who are building phones. | ||
| Why don't we have, like, awards for people who make the crazy shit that makes our lives so much better? | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Johnny Lin's flair. | ||
| It is very weird. | ||
| Well, it's because our society is sort of developed and evolved without much planning. | ||
| It sort of just happened. | ||
| And as we are this weird combination of Evolving being an animal with needs and instincts, there's a lot of variables that don't get accounted for as behavior forms into patterns and cultures evolve around giant masses of land. | ||
| It doesn't get planned out. | ||
| But I always feel, just like I feel with any pattern that is established in nature, I always feel that the most fucked up human behavior, all of it, the whole pile of it all, has got to all be natural. | ||
| It's almost unavoidable. | ||
| This is just what the human being does. | ||
| And as we are older and have much less responsibility than most people, you know, 30 years ago, Or rather, 300 years ago. | ||
| Our age, we're literally dying. | ||
| 500 years ago, how long did people live? | ||
| What was normal? | ||
| What was normal 1,000 years ago? | ||
| Oh no, I looked this up. | ||
| I think it's like 32 years. | ||
| If you can look up lifespan of people, it's like... | ||
| No, it's not 1,000 years ago. | ||
| It's like 1800s. | ||
| It's almost to me like we're not supposed to get old enough to see the hustle. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's almost like we're designed to die off right when we start going, wait a minute, what the fuck are we doing? | ||
| Hey, hey, hey, everybody settle down. | ||
| What exactly are we doing here? | ||
| That's when we're supposed to heart failure. | ||
| That's when your shit's supposed to quit. | ||
| But we're alive so much longer now because of nutrition and medicine and people are just, they're more... | ||
| They're more conscious and a person like yourself has more free time as well and more free time to contemplate and you're in a non-conformist occupation where you're not constantly pressured every day to thinking along certain lines because that's a real issue with the American worker. | ||
| You think you're given eight hours a day but you're not given eight hours a day. | ||
| You're given eight hours a day plus your behavior outside of work can't get much too crazy In comparison to your behavior inside of work, or it's going to affect your performance at work. | ||
| You can't be partying too much and coming into work hungover, so the whole thing must be regulated. | ||
| So everybody has to stay in line. | ||
| You can't get crazy and say sexist jokes around female co-workers, or you'll go to jail, all right? | ||
| You'll be arrested. | ||
| You'll lose money because of sexual harassment. | ||
| You know, if you fire her, you're going to get sued. | ||
| And these are all, this is all like... | ||
| It's an impossible thing to avoid if you're a normal person working a normal job. | ||
| It's impossible for you to avoid your behavior being altered just so that you can work. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| There's a game that people forgot they were playing. | ||
| It's called Western Society. | ||
| And most people, the way they play that game is they have to... | ||
| There's different roles they take. | ||
| There's the worker and the boss. | ||
| There's the executive. | ||
| There's the president. | ||
| There's police officers. | ||
| And it's all a big game. | ||
| When you go and buy a Starbucks, I learned this. | ||
| There's a really cool meditative technique you can do that's part of this stuff this guy Gurdjieff talks about, but it basically shows you how you're essentially just a series of automatic functions throughout the day. | ||
| You're not even there. | ||
| But what you do is when you go to buy something, just... | ||
| Be aware of the way you buy something. | ||
| Watch the way your hand gets your wallet. | ||
| Watch the way the money or the card comes out. | ||
| Watch the way you swipe the card. | ||
| Watch the way you talk to the person. | ||
| Watch the way the person talks to you. | ||
| And what you'll see happening is something you've been doing for years and years and years and years and years and years over and over and over again to buying shit because you live in America and that's how we fucking survive is buying shit at a cash register. | ||
| Just a great way to see how when you do that, your body goes into this automated function. | ||
| Get the wall, pull the cards, say thanks in a weird way. | ||
| Look at the person. | ||
| If you look at the person, you're seeing an automaton. | ||
| You're seeing a person who's put their consciousness on the shelf while they, like, all day long process people's cards, process people's cards. | ||
| So what you're seeing is two machines having this interaction. | ||
| And it's really fucking a great exercise to do because what you're seeing is a game that you've been playing so long, you've forgotten you're playing that game. | ||
| You've learned how to buy shit at a cash register. | ||
| There was a time when you'd never bought something at a cash register when you were a kid and then your parents taught you how to do it. | ||
| You learned how to exchange money for goods and that crystallized to this ritual that you don't even know is a ritual. | ||
| It's just this automatic thing. | ||
| This fucking game of Western society, it invites people to become automatons. | ||
| To get through the day when you're like, I used to wash dishes at Applebee's and I can remember like the way that you would get through the day of washing dishes is you just go into this automatic trance. | ||
| It's just a trance. | ||
| Spray the dish, put in the thing. | ||
| Wash, scrub, put in the thing. | ||
| It's just an automatic trance. | ||
| You're there, but you're not really there. | ||
| You're just in a trance and you do it as an escape from the Monotony and dullness of the job. | ||
| Well, it should be one person is cleaning their own plate. | ||
| That's what it should be, right? | ||
| It shouldn't be there's a giant stack of plates and someone's job it is to clean those things because that's when things start to suck. | ||
| That's when jobs start to suck. | ||
| When you're doing all the shit for money that no one wants to do. | ||
| There's a big difference between that kind of a job and the kind of a job where you actually have a career and do things you enjoy like you. | ||
| You get paid to be a professional comedian. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It shouldn't even be classified as a job. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't feel like it. | ||
| Call it a career if you want to get pretentious, but it's your thing. | ||
| The career thing is a horrible word, man. | ||
| It's a weird word. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| It makes you feel like, you know, I'm fucking serious. | ||
| You know what it means, career? | ||
| Put my nose to the grindstone. | ||
| What? | ||
| It comes the derivation of the word is a track horses ran on. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, circle. | ||
| You never get anywhere. | ||
| You're just running a fucking circle. | ||
| That's what a career is. | ||
| I'm working on my career! | ||
| Yeah, I think that I feel incredibly lucky and also I feel like always on the precipice of absolute disaster. | ||
| There's something really quite peaceful about having a Regular paycheck, man. | ||
| There's something really nice about that. | ||
| That's fucking cool to know every two weeks you're getting a paycheck. | ||
| That's badass. | ||
| So that life of working a job and having a regular job, it is... | ||
| There's sweetness to it, man. | ||
| And it facilitates having babies. | ||
| And it facilitates a lot of aspects of life that I think are quite pleasurable on a really high level. | ||
| So I totally get it. | ||
| It's just, you know, is there a way that this... | ||
| This process that we're all engaged in, this gigantic game that we're all in, this crazy dance of Western civilization that we're all engaged in, is there a way that we can take it up a level? | ||
| Is there a way we can make it a little more aware of itself, a little more cognizant of itself, a little less embedded in superstition? | ||
| Again, I've gotta go to what I said before, is that I think that things are evolving, you just are not happy with the pace. | ||
| I think that we live in such a tiny frame, a tiny window of time, and the amount of progress that we're looking at, just from a thousand years to now, is monumental. | ||
| 2,000 years to now and human behavior and knowledge and access to information off the charts how much it's progressed. | ||
| And you're just caught in the middle of it. | ||
| And it's not going to stop. | ||
| With the internet and with the access to information that's available now and the ability to communicate now, truth is getting through more often than not. | ||
| Truth is piling on. | ||
| There's a lot of bullshit out there still, but it's way easier to cut the bullshit off with the internet. | ||
| It's evolving. | ||
| It's just not evolving up to your speed, what you would like to see. | ||
| But just look at the way people think, act, and behave now as compared to the way they did at the turn of the century. | ||
| There's no question. | ||
| And that's not even a blink of an eye. | ||
| Not even a blink of an eye. | ||
| It's unquestionably moving in a certain direction. | ||
| And yeah, it's quagmired in greed and built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit, but it's still spiraling towards the technological singularity. | ||
| There's no fucking question about it. | ||
| Some of the advancements that you're talking about are some of the things that you're like, wow, things have really advanced. | ||
| It's because groups of people made active efforts to push against the anti-evolutionary force. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I mean, that's their role in this machine. | ||
| That's their role in this process. | ||
| Their role is to push things in that manner. | ||
| I mean, I think it's all an ingredient in a gigantic metaphysical sort of a soup. | ||
| It's all piled in together there, you know, and everyone's doing their little part, but it's changing slow for our ideas and our tastes, but compared to history, the rapid pace of evolution, and not even evolution, progress, the complexification of our society, it's blowing up in our face. | ||
| We're hanging on tooth and nail, literally, you know? | ||
| There's a lot of people that still haven't even grasped how much it's changed. | ||
| That's why when you have all these wacko gay Republican dudes that get busted online getting hookers, you know, getting male hookers, like this new guy that just got caught. | ||
| Somebody just sent it to me on Twitter. | ||
| I don't know his fucking name, but you know the story. | ||
| The story just keeps happening over and over again. | ||
| The same goddamn story. | ||
| This guy wanted to pay some dude to have sex with him and he got caught with it. | ||
| It's fascinating, man. | ||
| It's fascinating shit. | ||
| Human animals a very strange mixture of complex thinking and awareness and then some just wild monkey jealousy and instincts and fears and it's all Piled together in this weird fucking biological machine and just like go ahead figure this out You got a bunch of things pulling you a bunch of different directions and a lot of lies around you. | ||
| Good luck And get pushed out there and try to find things to sustain the body while the mind searches for answers and like-minded people to hang with in order to compare ideas so you don't feel like you're crazy, you don't feel like you're the only person out there on the beach howling at the moon saying, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Somebody please make sense of this shit. | ||
| Somebody? | ||
| Is there anybody out there? | ||
| On the internet now you can send that fucking message in a bottle and someone answers. | ||
| Dude, right here. | ||
| WTF. What the fuck? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| And everybody gets together. | ||
| And that's the hive mind. | ||
| That's how the mind really thickens. | ||
| That's how things really start getting connected. | ||
| It's happening right now. | ||
| It really is, man. | ||
| We're only dealing with a two-decade-old invention. | ||
| Two decades is a fucking fraction of the time it takes for your eye to close. | ||
| But how about when, not only does it get a group of people being like, what the fuck? | ||
| How about when it brings groups of people into the streets and overthrows governments, like in Egypt? | ||
| I mean, it doesn't just stop with this... | ||
| Well, how about the UK? You know, one of the things they were trying to do? | ||
| They wanted to shut down Twitter and Facebook over there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that's how people were communicating. | ||
| This BART thing that happened in San Francisco? | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| They shut down the fucking cell phones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They didn't want people organizing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| Like, that kind of shit is like, listen, man, you can't do that. | ||
| You're not allowed to shut off the phones. | ||
| What if someone's fucking mother was dying? | ||
| What if someone got hit by a car but you couldn't call a fucking ambulance because you can't use your phone? | ||
| Because you assholes are afraid of criticism. | ||
| Because you assholes are afraid of people yelling and screaming and telling you that you fucked up. | ||
| So you cut off the phone lines? | ||
| You should go to jail. | ||
| You should go to jail. | ||
| Have you shut off the phones in America in 2011 to avoid a protest? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| For you to say that you want to maintain order so badly you will cut off communication between everyone. | ||
| Taxpayers, good people that have done no wrong without a single spot on their record. | ||
| You deny them use of the phone too blanketly? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You know what they said? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Americans have a right to free speech, but they also have a right to get to where they want to go on time. | ||
| Yeah, well, how about if someone's dying, stupid? | ||
| No, I think it's the worst. | ||
| I think it's fucking so... | ||
| To me, it's scary. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, it's scary because it's like... | ||
| What you're supposed to do is you're going to have to hire more cops, stupid. | ||
| And you're going to have to, you know, keep peace in a very respectful manner. | ||
| And, you know, there's a whole fucking bad history between cops and people up there, man. | ||
| And, you know, I'm not saying that the cops are 100% in the wrong, but there's been some shit that they did that's crazy. | ||
| Like, the cop that shot the guy because he thought he was tasering him, instead he shot him, and it's all on video. | ||
| I mean, what the fuck, man? | ||
| There's been a lot of nonsense like that. | ||
| And it's just, when you shut the fucking phones off and keep people from protesting, people just gotta go, what? | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| And that, man... | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| That's why it's so incredible what Anonymous did by creating a protest that got broadcast nationally to every... | ||
| internationally. | ||
| People saw that shit. | ||
| And if they hadn't have done that, if they'd been content with just having conversations about it, it wouldn't have escalated to the level that it escalated to. | ||
| And a lot of those guys got arrested. | ||
| Like, they put... | ||
| Freedom of information in front of their own freedom. | ||
| That is heroic. | ||
| That's badass. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| I'm saying at some point, people have got to, like, stand up. | ||
| Because if you don't, if no one had stood up, if no one had done that, if there had been no protests, if Bart didn't know that every time they try to shut the fucking phone lines down, they're going to get swarmed. | ||
| What was the protest over? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The anonymous protest was after another protest that happened, and I do not know why the first protest happened. | ||
| I just know they shut the fucking phones up. | ||
| Did it have to do with that guy who was murdered? | ||
| I think the guy's getting out of jail. | ||
| A cop. | ||
| Oh, maybe. | ||
| It might be completely different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I thought the whole thing was about. | |
| It's the saddest thing in the world, man, when you think about that. | ||
| Someone lost their life because of something so fucking stupid. | ||
| And then the guy who did it, one fucking stupid mistake, his life is fucked forever, too. | ||
| Yeah, he's gotta deal with that for the rest of his life. | ||
| Can you imagine how stupid you must feel to make that mistake? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every day. | |
| You're so panicked, you thought you had your taser, but you had your gun, and you shot the guy. | ||
| That weight of that. | ||
| Think of the weight of that. | ||
| I always think about that, the weight. | ||
| Because it's like when you fuck over a friend or if you do something stupid, eventually you can say, I'm sorry, that was stupid. | ||
| You can apologize and you can get it off your chest. | ||
| When you kill somebody, you can't do it. | ||
| You can't apologize someone back to life. | ||
| There's nothing you can do. | ||
| You can say you're sorry to their family, but that's not going to bring the person back. | ||
| It's so terrible. | ||
| Yeah, it's a pretty crazy idea. | ||
| We're so connected to each other. | ||
| When you lose someone in your life, it's so painful. | ||
| The idea that other people can take people away from people. | ||
| It's like the ultimate attack on them. | ||
| So strange. | ||
| Because we all know we're temporary. | ||
| We all know we're going to die. | ||
| We just don't want to right now. | ||
| I'm not ready yet. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not yet. | |
| I'm having too much fun. | ||
| I'm enjoying this. | ||
| I'm just getting this thing mastered. | ||
| I'm just getting it figured out. | ||
| I know how to enjoy it now. | ||
| I figured it out. | ||
| I figured out how to enjoy it. | ||
| Don't let me die yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not yet. | |
| Not yet. | ||
| Sorry, Mr. Rogan. | ||
| We've got to move you on to the next experiment. | ||
| You can't stay here. | ||
| That's, you know, that's like, maybe that's all this is. | ||
| It's like when they give, like, in Planet of the Apes. | ||
| You know when they have that... | ||
| Spoiler alert! | ||
| Put your fingers in your ears! | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| It's not that bad. | ||
| I can talk about the test that they did, right? | ||
| Can I talk about it? | ||
| No, you shouldn't talk about the plot. | ||
| It's probably not smart. | ||
| It's rude. | ||
| Okay, so forget Planet of the Apes. | ||
| But sometimes with kids, you give them like intelligence tests where they have to like do like certain things, you know? | ||
| And imagine if that's what this whole thing is. | ||
| Some kind of alien intelligence test where after you solve this certain puzzle, you get moved along. | ||
| And the way it looks when you get moved along is you're Gandhi taking a bullet in the chest or you're you know you're some you're someone who just like maybe you just have a heart attack like sometimes I've thought I wonder if there's like a thought you can have or a place you can get to where you just get it to the point where you don't have to stick around here like they say that some yogis through meditation Have just like meditated and meditated and they can willfully just leave their body. | ||
| They call it dropping your body. | ||
| They don't call it death. | ||
| Dropping your body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wouldn't put that past the realm of possibility. | |
| If you consider the fact that your brain, we know, produces a bunch of different psychedelic chemicals, who's to say there's not some way to trigger those? | ||
| There's not some way to stimulate those by putting yourself into a frequency through meditation where you force the brain to accept a certain vibe, just a certain frequency. | ||
| And in doing so, you can actually force your brain into producing certain chemicals. | ||
| And then you fucking blast off. | ||
| I mean, the brain makes psychedelics. | ||
| Fact. | ||
| Fact. | ||
| The human body makes psychedelics. | ||
| Fact. | ||
| We know it does. | ||
| Makes a bunch of things that affect your behavior. | ||
| Makes adrenaline. | ||
| Makes dopamine. | ||
| Makes serotonin. | ||
| Makes all these different things. | ||
| Oxytocin. | ||
| Yeah, oxytocin. | ||
| There's all sorts of things that stimulate you, affect you. | ||
| We know it makes all the crazy chemicals that exist that create the dream state. | ||
| I've been taking this fucking alpha brain shit and having the nuttiest dreams, man. | ||
| And I had a werewolf, gorilla sex dream. | ||
| It was the strangest fucking dream of all time. | ||
| It was so bizarre because it was so stupid but so real and so easy to recall. | ||
| These alpha brain things, man, one of the things that a bunch of people have tweeted me about this, too, that when you take them and have dreams, for whatever reason, you remember your dreams. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And this dream was so stupid. | ||
| It was a gorilla and he was right behind like a bulging and breaking piece of wallboard, you know, the white plaster. | ||
| And I had to squirt the fucking stuff to put him to sleep through it. | ||
| I couldn't quite get to him. | ||
| Then I had to run away and hide and he ran into a werewolf and they fucking fought and then started sucking each other's cocks. | ||
| It was the most ridiculous dream ever. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck it means, but this werewolf was on top sucking this gorilla's cock, and they were like 69ing each other. | ||
| And I was like, what kind? | ||
| I've never had a dream like that before. | ||
| If you looked in the dream dictionary, it doesn't say anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That doesn't exist, bro. | |
| It doesn't exist. | ||
| It just says you are Joe Rogan. | ||
| Yeah, it was so crazy. | ||
| It was like going from absolute terror and fear. | ||
| Like there was these gorillas were these giant silverbacks and they were right behind this thin piece of wallboard. | ||
| And I had to inject them with this sedative. | ||
| I had to get them with it. | ||
| And I couldn't quite get to them. | ||
| And I pulled it out and he came through the wall and I ran. | ||
| And as I ran and then he runs into the werewolves. | ||
| Were they 69ing? | ||
| Dude, it became completely ridiculous. | ||
| Not only that, but the way they looked became completely ridiculous. | ||
| They went from being like a terrifying looking silverback gorilla to some sort of curious George halfway, you know, goofy looking, like smiling gorilla getting his dick sucked by a werewolf. | ||
| You know, it became completely cartoonish. | ||
| It was so strange. | ||
| I was like, I can't even wrap my head around how anybody would try to describe... | ||
| I mean, how are you going to tell me what's going on in my head? | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| How are you going to tell... | ||
| When everything became a big gay joke, it's like you're running from a terrifying superior physical specimen in a giant silverback gorilla that you're trying to sedate through a wall with a needle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And then you run away and then... | ||
| Werewolf turns a corner and smashes into the grill and then they start blowing each other. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Do you believe in those dream books? | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| If that's not in there, I don't believe it. | ||
| If that's in a dream book, I'll give up. | ||
| And I'll tell you what, I swear to God, I'm fucking straight as they come. | ||
| It's not what this is about. | ||
| I am just not responsible for a lot of the fucking thoughts that spin around in my imagination sometimes. | ||
| I really don't believe I am. | ||
| I mean, it's not that I was thinking that this was a real thing. | ||
| It was like my brain just created the stupidest idea for a movie in the middle of a horrifying scenario. | ||
| Now, did you join into the monkeys at all? | ||
| Did you start having sex with them also? | ||
| No, I was trying to get away. | ||
| I was trying to get away, and then I realized they were just blowing each other. | ||
| So you used this as an escape, a way to escape. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They started blowing each other, and then I said, okay, I can get out of here. | ||
| But it became, like, cartoonish. | ||
| Now, did you walk away slow? | ||
| Like, you were watching the whole time, like, I'm getting out of here. | ||
| I tiptoed so that I didn't shock them, you know? | ||
| I feel like if you move too fast, they can't help but chase you. | ||
| They'll come out. | ||
| Yeah, it's like if you roll a ball in the yarn past a kitten, they run after it. | ||
| They can't help themselves. | ||
| It's just instinctual. | ||
| They say that's what also happens with bikers, like mountain bikers and mountain lions. | ||
| Sometimes mountain lions, they see them moving fast and they literally can't help themselves. | ||
| They just chase after them. | ||
| So you want to make sure you don't do that. | ||
| So I walked away real slow while they were blowing each other. | ||
| So there you go, you guys. | ||
| There's a survival tip. | ||
| Yeah, if you ever come upon a werewolf and a gorilla sucking each other's cocks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, what the fuck is that? | |
| Good luck, Freud. | ||
| Good luck dissecting that memory or that idea. | ||
| But the weird thing is that it was so vivid. | ||
| These pills, for whatever reason, give you these incredibly vivid dreams. | ||
| What's in them? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| I should probably know, right? | ||
| I'm telling everybody to take them. | ||
| Supposedly, everything there's on Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, Chris, or Aubrey, as he says. | ||
| Would you say Angelize? | ||
| Yeah, people keep on saying there's Angelize. | ||
| Angelize, what does that mean? | ||
| Angel eyes is that stuff that you give to dogs so when they tear, you know when a dog cries and it gets black underneath their eyes? | ||
| Angel eyes is something you put in their food when they eat so it doesn't, it takes that away. | ||
| And people online is like, does it have angel eyes? | ||
| I never knew that there was something, like, people were concerned with their dog's tears. | ||
| Oh, it can look gross. | ||
| When you get, like, a white dog and it's really spraying that yellow shit out, it looks like... | ||
| Yeah, but what the fuck are you doing to the dog? | ||
| What does that angelize... | ||
| It's their protein. | ||
| It's, like, too much zinc or something weird like that. | ||
| Oh, so it's just sort of holistic? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, what the fuck are we talking about? | ||
| Well, before angelize, we're talking about a 69ing werewolf gorilla... | ||
| How did we get from that to Angel Eyes? | ||
| You were talking about the brain stuff. | ||
| The pills. | ||
| The brain pills. | ||
| Who knows what they're doing to us. | ||
| The sales pitch for the pills, I think we've got to work on it a little bit. | ||
| I'm not working on it. | ||
| I'm not selling it. | ||
| This is what I'm telling. | ||
| This is what I've decided to do. | ||
| I'm just going to be totally honest with how I feel with them. | ||
| I'm not a doctor, obviously. | ||
| If you're listening to any medical advice I give you, you're a silly person. | ||
| There's plenty of valid sources on the internet. | ||
| But I am a person with an objective experience. | ||
| And what I'll do is I'll take these fucking pills and I'll tell you what I feel like. | ||
| And what I feel like right now is I feel like they make my mind feel clearer. | ||
| And clear is a very subjective term, obviously. | ||
| But I feel like I have more energy, but it doesn't feel like a run-on, It's on sort of a spiky caffeine energy. | ||
| It feels like a... | ||
| I hate the word crisp and cleaner, but that's for lack of better words. | ||
| It's like seven up of energy. | ||
| Yeah, it does something good, man. | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| And it gives me very memorable dreams. | ||
| Not all of them involving gorillas and werewolves. | ||
| Some of them have been weird people dreams of some science fiction dreams. | ||
| I've had some crazy ones. | ||
| I had this crazy dream about a world with a thousand Nikola Tesla's that instead of just one super genius oddball crazy man like Tesla this it was like a subsect of the species and it's like a thousand of them and they just in A matter of a few years time had these giant metal floating ships all throughout cities and everything was run through wireless electricity. | ||
| And this was me somehow or another in the 1950s. | ||
| This 1000 Teslas had moved society so rapidly before anybody could even control it because they were so far advanced. | ||
| It was like a thousand of them all together creating all this shit. | ||
| And in the 1950s, there was flying ships, and there was a type of electronic connectivity that was very similar to the way we're doing it now, but different. | ||
| Everyone could talk to people from these handsets that were all throughout the city. | ||
| Everyone was congested in this one place, and you could move to any handset and constantly be contacting people. | ||
| It's very trippy, man. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| Because it was like 1950s aesthetic, like the way people dress and a man going to work with a leather briefcase and even the certain type of hats they would wear with their glasses on Father Knows Best. | ||
| Meanwhile, there's flying metal ships and electricity in the air. | ||
| Tesla wanted to broadcast electricity. | ||
| He wanted it to be like radio signals. | ||
| And have it just fly through the air. | ||
| But then anybody could, just like radio, just all you need is a receiver to take it. | ||
| There's no fucking money in that. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| He had a lot of shit that he invented that, you know, they took away his trunks. | ||
| They had all his writing in it. | ||
| That's kind of crazy. | ||
| He was a fascinating, fascinating dude. | ||
| But in this crazy dream, the dream, like, almost had a title. | ||
| It was a thousand Teslas. | ||
| There was all these little crazy-looking dudes, eccentric-looking super-geniuses running around all together, like a thousand of them, creating all this nutty shit. | ||
| No one could keep up with the effects. | ||
| It was nothing like the slower pace that we've had to endure over. | ||
| Really, and you think about it, an extra half of a century ain't shit. | ||
| It's really not that much time ever to... | ||
| To have all this new technology together. | ||
| But if it all burst together in the 1950s, if we had all the access to all the different disciplines that we have today, if we had them in the 1950s, if there was really that kind of an evolutionary growth immediately from 1900 to 1950, that would be incredible. | ||
| That would be so fascinating. | ||
| If in a lifetime we go from 1900 to us right now, or advanced, or even more advanced, in 50 years. | ||
| Yeah, like if the singularity happened in the 50s. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Do you believe in the multiverse stuff? | ||
| I'm too stupid. | ||
| I'm too stupid to argue about it. | ||
| I read some new thing about... | ||
| I forget what it was that made them believe some sort of sound, something vibration. | ||
| What was the latest... | ||
| There's some latest evidence of a multiverse. | ||
| Do you know what it is? | ||
| No. | ||
| On the internet. | ||
| It's all still what-ifs, though. | ||
| That's the only bad thing about the whole thing. | ||
| We're never going to probably find out in our lifetime. | ||
| I don't know about that, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know about that. | |
| Man, if you look back, if you want to see how much we've advanced, just go back like we were talking about earlier and check out the medical ideas that people had, the scientific ideas people had. | ||
| Here it is right here. | ||
| First observational test of the multiverse. | ||
| The theory that our universe is contained inside a bubble, and that bubble That multiple alternate universes exist inside their own bubbles, making up the multiverse, is for the first time being tested by physicists. | ||
| Two research papers published in Physical Review Letters and Physical Review D are the first to detail how to search for signatures of other universes. | ||
| Physicists are now searching for disk-like patterns in the cosmic microwave background. | ||
| Relic heat radiation left over from the Big Bang, which could provide telltale evidence of collisions between other universes and our own. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Collisions. | ||
| Evidence of collisions of universes. | ||
| What the fuck, dude? | ||
| Collisions. | ||
| That's the alternative concept to the Big Bang as well. | ||
| The idea that our universe, whether it's in a bubble like the multiverse or the people that propose membranes, they propose that the brains collide at certain points and that creates a recycling of the world. | ||
| We just can't wrap our head around something that's that far away. | ||
| Or that much longer a period of existence than our own life. | ||
| The idea of this cycle that's billions and billions of years. | ||
| We are so important in our own lives that the idea that that's how small a part we play for real. | ||
| I'm going to exist for 80 years inside some weird biological body in some crazy process that happens. | ||
| Every 16, 17 billion years these things collide with each other and everything starts Completely from new. | ||
| No planets, man. | ||
| No nothing. | ||
| Just particles and gas and heat and nuclear explosions and fucking mass connects all these different objects together and they slowly form planets and then life grows on them and then life becomes complex life, becomes intelligent, self-aware life, creates technology, goes to war, blows up the fucking universe. | ||
| And then they collide again, and more collide all around, and it's a constant cycle of society, life, everything, the universe, complexity gets to a certain peak, and then they just hit each other. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Maybe it's not that much time in between each collision. | ||
| Maybe it's not. | ||
| Maybe a genius thought or a really great idea, when people have super great ideas, maybe that's a collision that's happened. | ||
| Maybe it happens on the micro scale and not just on the macro scale. | ||
| Perhaps there's super tiny universes that bubble against stars and manifest in the form of somebody Who came up with the theory of relativity or some kind of culture-shaping idea like communism or something like that. | ||
| Maybe that every great idea is just a projection of the multiverse coming through people and manifesting here as massive global change. | ||
| And maybe we're getting hit by more of them now, like a meteor swarm of these other universes bumping into ours. | ||
| Falcon McKenna wrote this awesome, weird story. | ||
| Did you ever read this thing? | ||
| He talked about how right around when Christianity started, the universe ripped into a multiverse and there's another advanced dimension right next to ours that's concerned over the fact that we have nuclear weapons. | ||
| Normally we could be ignored, but the fact we have nuclear weapons kind of like... | ||
| Makes things in multiverses next to us that are aware of us worried. | ||
| But he wrote it not like it was real. | ||
| He wrote it in this strange way. | ||
| Like I couldn't tell if he was trying to write a metaphor or something. | ||
| I wish someone would find it. | ||
| It was fucking cool. | ||
| But... | ||
| This Tesla thing you're talking about, it's so funny because you have to think, okay, well I guess my brain just completely manufactured this alternate reality where super intelligent people had invented all these things. | ||
| That's like one version of it. | ||
| Or the other version, which a lot of I think shamans talk about, is the idea of the spirit world, where at that moment your astral body You're a leak of some weird Some weird coordinate of the multiverse is coming through you now as you talk | ||
| about this thing that's like it's a dream. | ||
| Maybe there's some fucking part of the multiverse where werewolf 69 gorillas. | ||
| I gotta stay the fuck away from there. | ||
| To me it was almost like a little message that everything is preposterous. | ||
| Do you ever stop and wonder how much of your life, how much of the things that you go through are real? | ||
| And how much of it may be some sort of background noise going on? | ||
| And this weird play that you're creating for yourself that your imagination has put forth. | ||
| And then someday you're going to understand it all. | ||
| But right now, it's all the people that are in front of you are the bit players and you're supposed to be trying to figure this fucking thing out as you move along. | ||
| All that stuff that's going on in the background, car accidents and war. | ||
| It seems like there's too many pieces going together too. | ||
| Too many times I'm like, that's just weird that that just happened like that. | ||
| It just seems like it's just... | ||
| Like you're manifesting things with your own mind too. | ||
| It's not foolproof. | ||
| It's not like you can prove it. | ||
| But there's something going on. | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| There's something to the idea that when you know someone is going to call you and then you pick up the phone and it's them, that's just weird. | ||
| There's something to that. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| But I don't buy that it's just coincidence. | ||
| It may be coincidence sometimes, but I've had sharp moments where I thought of somebody and I looked at the phone and it started ringing and it was them. | ||
| Like sharp moments. | ||
| Like, I don't know what that is. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| You could say that it's just luck and anticipation meeting each other, you know, that I was hoping that person called me, but not even, man. | ||
| Sometimes you don't even think about that person for a long time, and all of a sudden you think about them like, wow, I haven't talked to him in fucking ten years. | ||
| And then he leaves you an email. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, what is that? | ||
| It just happened to me, dude. | ||
| I just, on the Lavender Hour, I just did, my friend Brendan Walsh came in and we both go to the same medicinal marijuana dispensary. | ||
| And we were both talking about how awesome it is and the people who work there are really fucking cool. | ||
| And so I'm like, you know what, I'm going to do a commercial for this dispensary. | ||
| I want to do it the way commercials should be. | ||
| I'm not getting paid. | ||
| They don't even know who I am. | ||
| I'm just going to do this commercial because they're cool people and it's a cool fucking place. | ||
| There's a character on the Lavender Hour, a teacup pig. | ||
| He's basically a little hobo. | ||
| Like, I am so high right now! | ||
| I did this stupid commercial for them. | ||
| The next day I went in there to get my medicine and I walked in and the guy's like, hey! | ||
| Hey, look at this! | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| And he just pulled up on the computer the Lavender Hour episode where I did the advertisement. | ||
| Now, what the fuck are the odds of that? | ||
| The odds of that are pretty goddamn slim. | ||
| I mean, I think the odds that that guy would even hear about it are pretty slim, but if you consider the idea of me coming there at the exact time he had just pulled it up on the computer... | ||
| Dude, I don't think you have any idea how many people listen to you on this podcast. | ||
| I bet that guy probably was a big Podhead podcast fan, and he probably listens to this one or listens to yours, and he knew exactly who the fuck you were. | ||
| And he's seen you online because he thought you were hilarious. | ||
| When I find out about a comedian, someone that I think is funny, or a musician, some new music. | ||
| I just got into Queens of the Stone Age recently. | ||
| I've been looking up on them and reading all different articles about them and downloaded a couple of their CDs. | ||
| It's great stuff. | ||
| You recognize them. | ||
| So if this guy was like a Lavender Hour fan... | ||
| He wasn't. | ||
| His friend had told him about it. | ||
| I'm just saying the weird temporal coincidence of me coming... | ||
| I don't know why I even tried to pee on your parade. | ||
| Pee on the parade, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fun. | |
| I wanted to be the voice of logic. | ||
| First of all, I mean, more people listen to your show than the Lavender Hour, for one. | ||
| You've got to get rid of that broad. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, holy shit, Joe. | |
| I was like, oh man, don't go down that road. | ||
| No, please, man. | ||
| People love those kind of couple shows. | ||
| Jay Moore does it with his girl. | ||
| There was an article on our website about... | ||
| What's his face? | ||
| Who the fuck does it with his girl? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bill Burr. | |
| Bill Burr. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Bill Burr and his girlfriend will get into arguments. | ||
| And he does it on his Monday morning podcast. | ||
| There was a whole thread about how they love it when Bill Burr's girlfriend comes on. | ||
| Because it's fun. | ||
| I think that's some of the funniest moments when we start arguing. | ||
| Kevin Smith's funny with his wife. | ||
| That was an interesting one. | ||
| It's a different dynamic, man. | ||
| Husband and wives have weird dynamics. | ||
| Men and women have weird dynamics. | ||
| Doing yours, I love doing your podcast. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It was fun seeing you in this different environment. | ||
| Whenever you and I do a podcast, we do it over here. | ||
| But doing it over there, it was cool to see you and her have this relationship. | ||
| Real cute little banter thing going back and forth, and we're all sitting in this thing together, and you have to stop every 20 minutes because it's about to crash your hard drive. | ||
| It's so totally dunked. | ||
| It's like, oh, this is awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's awesome. | |
| Hold on, guys. | ||
| I've got to save this. | ||
| I've got to save this. | ||
| It's just gold. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| So every 20 minutes, he's saving it on his fucking sound effects. | ||
| Yes, then we fixed it. | ||
| We have a sound guy now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fixed it? | |
| But you know what I like? | ||
| This is what I really liked about it. | ||
| She and you are very different, but she lets you be you. | ||
| She's not trying to change you. | ||
| And you're such an odd guy, Duncan. | ||
| You've had situations in the past where girls didn't kind of get that, that it was good, and they wanted to turn you into something else. | ||
| Do you remember the time we were thinking about quitting comedy and you were going to go back to school? | ||
| Yeah, because every time I get on the show, you remind me and everyone about it. | ||
| Well, it was a brilliant moment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a beautiful moment. | ||
| It was a moment where... | ||
| Which I don't mind. | ||
| By the way, I was joking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't mind. | |
| No, I know, I know. | ||
| Who are you dating? | ||
| Sigourney Weaver? | ||
| Those moments when you realize that someone is morphing you and that you are trying to conform to what they like because you don't want them to leave you. | ||
| Those are creepy fucking weird moments, man. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| Those are scary moments. | ||
| Very scary. | ||
| Those are scary fucking moments. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| It's an illusion of being scary because... | ||
| You know, I mean, well, no, it isn't. | ||
| For some people. | ||
| What happens if you put a baby inside one of those people? | ||
| What happens if, like, then you're chained to a person who's dissatisfied with you as a human? | ||
| But here's the thing, man. | ||
| Being with someone for a while, you're going to watch people go through phases. | ||
| And there are going to be some phases that people are in that maybe you're not so cool with. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And you have to differentiate between, is this person, or am I dissatisfied with some core aspect of this human, or are they just in a weird spot right now? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's tricky being in a relationship. | ||
| You and your chick are unusual in that you're both in the same line of business and you work together and you still get along. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How the fuck does that happen? | |
| Doesn't always happen. | ||
| It doesn't always happen. | ||
| We don't always get along. | ||
| We have a great relationship, but if you think that... | ||
| I mean, relationships aren't idyllic. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But what is it like? | ||
| And you open for her, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's kind of... | ||
| Your feature for her. | ||
| I'm not supposed to say open. | ||
| I'll open for her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever. | |
| I open a lot of shit. | ||
| I open car doors for her. | ||
| I open everything. | ||
| I open fucking cans. | ||
| What I'm trying to say is she's a good comic, too. | ||
| She's a great comic, and she's fucking disciplined and really funny. | ||
| And when we work together, we... | ||
| Our synergy creates a lot of funny shit. | ||
| And I make her laugh, and she's got one of the greatest laughs I've ever heard. | ||
| And so that keeps me wanting to be funny around her. | ||
| And instead of her rejecting me being funny, she embraces it. | ||
| And you've had girls reject you being funny? | ||
| I wouldn't say reject me being funny, but I think it's more... | ||
| Is it a conformity thing that they wanted you to not have these crazy ideas? | ||
| It's always power, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's not a conformity thing. | ||
| It's like you're either in a relationship with somebody where you can create a symbiosis and merge your power together and you both want each other to be successful, or you're in a situation with someone where somebody wants to be on top. | ||
| Somebody wants to be ahead. | ||
| Someone wants to be literally on top in every single way. | ||
| If you're in a relationship where somebody's trying to repress your creativity out of fear, then as a human being, you have to get out of that relationship. | ||
| But it's not that easy when you're in love with somebody. | ||
| What do you mean by what you were just saying? | ||
| Someone that always wants to be on top? | ||
| Yeah, on top. | ||
| On top of the game, on top of you in every way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The dominant. | |
| The dominant one. | ||
| If you're with someone... | ||
| You've had that, man? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I would say you did, weren't you? | ||
| Like that one girl? | ||
| Full on. | ||
| Someone just constantly fucking with you. | ||
| Constantly telling you what to do. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, but I think the important thing to realize, though... | ||
| She has a vagina. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, exactly. | |
| It's a life of hell, but it's true. | ||
| There are fucking shades of this that we're talking about. | ||
| There are shades of this. | ||
| And the reason it's kind of a common... | ||
| It's a common thing when you see in a sitcom or a movie the theme of, yes dear, whatever she wants is what goes. | ||
| It's because we're talking about some form of interaction that happens between the masculine and feminine energies. | ||
| Well, you know what's really interesting? | ||
| You've grown more as a person. | ||
| You've always been... | ||
| A guy who's really pretty introspective and kind of brutally honest about yourself, pro or con, but when you're in a steady relationship, I always feel like, especially right now, you're in a healthy one, you're in a way different place creatively. | ||
| You're able to express yourself without the burden There's a lot of psychological fucking warfare that goes on in constantly bad relationships that really clouds up the mind. | ||
| And when you're in a healthy relationship, like you are, it allows you to think about things much clearer. | ||
| Your ability to describe reality, just over the past few years, you've gotten so much better at it, man. | ||
| Your writing's gotten better. | ||
| Your comedy's gotten better. | ||
| You've always been a super smart dude. | ||
| But I think that when you're in a position where you find someone who doesn't try to fucking change who you are, it's so important. | ||
| It's the worst thing in the world to see one of your friends stuck in some situation where someone's trying to get him to be something that he's not. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not encourage him to do what he wants to do, but to get him to be... | ||
| You're never going to make it as a comedian. | ||
| Just give this up. | ||
| Yeah, the thing about... | ||
| You can write books. | ||
| You can write books. | ||
| Yeah, I get encouraged. | ||
| It's a very cool relationship because I get encouraged to go on stage more. | ||
| It's more like, you got to go on stage more. | ||
| You got to go up all the time. | ||
| You got to work harder. | ||
| Why do you get on stage? | ||
| Dude, you got to do stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go on the road. | |
| Get a headlining set. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's like... | ||
| A really good situation to be in. | ||
| For you, for sure. | ||
| But, you know, if she was married to some square dude who's like, you know, fucking accountant or something like that, it's like, you know, her interests and needs and weirdness would probably be too much for him. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like you guys meet at the perfect time your weirdness and your comedy, your creativity. | ||
| She understands it. | ||
| She gets it. | ||
| She gets what you're doing. | ||
| She gets that this is going to result in you killing on stage. | ||
| Whereas someone who doesn't see you as being successful enough thinks that they can fix you and mold you and turn you into something respectable they can bring at parties. | ||
| Oh, this is my boyfriend Duncan. | ||
| He's a professor at Cornell. | ||
| What do you teach? | ||
| Well, you know, mostly ancient history, but... | ||
| Some philosophy. | ||
| Can I get you another drink? | ||
| You know, you got leather, those suede patches on your elbows, and you're just thinking about telling a great suck my cock joke and killing in front of a large crowd at the comedy store on a Friday night, a nice 10 o'clock spot. | ||
| You're crushing. | ||
| You're thinking about that while you're hanging out with some dildos, some stupid house where they eat French cheese and come in their pants. | ||
| And then you watch two monkeys fuck. | ||
| I knew a dude from France and him and his wife became friends with them and they had me over for some weird dish that they have with non-pasteurized cheeses and he was like really adamant about that that when they homogenize and pasteurize cheese in America it fucks up the flavor so he has to sneak this shit over. | ||
| Illegal cheese. | ||
| Yeah, he actually sneaks it over. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He puts it in a container that says it's pasteurized or marginalized. | ||
| They have people that will do it for him because it stinks. | ||
| It's got all this bacteria in it. | ||
| But it's so good. | ||
| I'm sorry, but that's what blue cheese is. | ||
| You look at those crumbles, the blue cheese, the blue part, that's like fucking mold, man. | ||
| Why would it be illegal, though, just because it's considered like a poison or something? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I think it's a really good question. | ||
| I think just for public health concerns, when you like raw milk, it's like real dangerous. | ||
| You can only keep it for a certain amount of time. | ||
| You know, how long is it good for? | ||
| I mean, regular milk's good for like a month. | ||
| Raw milk can't be good for more than like seven or nine days or something like that, I would imagine. | ||
| And you know, people can get sick. | ||
| I think that's some of the theory behind it, is that when you homogenize things, pasteurize them, you can keep them on the shelf longer. | ||
| But that's also how you apparently cook the enzymes. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why people have lactose intolerance, but some people with lactose intolerance can actually drink raw milk and not have any problems with it. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| Yeah, but raw milk tastes delicious, dude. | ||
| Raw whole milk, it's like really, it tastes really good. | ||
| Like with cookies, oh, it's the shit. | ||
| It's so like rich and creamy and, you know, and it seems so alive when you drink it as opposed to like, you know, when you drink regular homogenized pasteurized milk. | ||
| That's just like milk body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's dead milk. | ||
| It's almost water. | ||
| It's almost like just white water or something. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| So weird. | ||
| It comes from a cow. | ||
| This cheese that I got in Paris. | ||
| God, you sound like a jerk. | ||
| When you talk like this, you sound like such a jerk. | ||
| But this cheese I had, it was like... | ||
| It was not just like... | ||
| A little bit of mold, like you'll get cheesier and you'll see the green stuff. | ||
| It was like flourishing mold. | ||
| Like when you leave, like just rising above the cheese, just like glowing with mold. | ||
| And it was so good. | ||
| You just ate the mold. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I ate it all. | |
| I ate the mold. | ||
| Did you get any diarrhea or weird feelings? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Oh, God! | ||
| I don't even want to talk about what I did do at Jazz Club. | ||
| Why would you even eat that cheese? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| So you had all this delicious food and you got mad diarrhea. | ||
| And you're trying to get us to eat it. | ||
| It wasn't diarrhea. | ||
| It was something worse. | ||
| Diarrhea is not the right name for it. | ||
| Did your girl get it too? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| Did she eat the same stuff you ate? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If she got it, she didn't tell me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, good for her. | |
| That's good for her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's nice. | |
| She went CIA with it. | ||
| I don't want to tell a shit story. | ||
| She's a good girl. | ||
| It was very intense, what it did to my stomach. | ||
| Dude, there's nothing wrong with a good shit story. | ||
| I was in this jazz club in Paris, and I have... | ||
| First of all, if you say that to the right girl, you're in. | ||
| Not when I followed up with this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I... Like, what I did to the bathroom... | ||
| Because, like, when I got up after I'd finished... | ||
| I'm trying to make this as not... | ||
| When I was done with my shit and I looked back at the toilet... | ||
| It was like a shit bazooka had come out of my... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was like everything was just covered. | |
| Everything. | ||
| Like, it was crazy. | ||
| I panicked. | ||
| I was like, God, I gotta get out of here. | ||
| I gotta get out of here. | ||
| If someone walks in here now, I might get arrested. | ||
| There's that much shit. | ||
| I might get arrested. | ||
| Like, they would arrest you for overshitting. | ||
| Look him in the creek. | ||
| Do you know girls share poop pictures with each other just like guys do? | ||
| Really? | ||
| They take pictures of their poop? | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| Yeah, this is a new world. | ||
| Women should be allowed the freedom of shocking people with their giant poops. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I wish I could put them online. | ||
| I wish I could put my pictures online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good picture. | |
| You can. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Nothing's stopping you. | ||
| Just intelligence. | ||
| Hey, you're going to be in New Orleans. | ||
| Nobody wants to see your shit, man. | ||
| I don't want to show my head. | ||
| I get upset when I see people's shit. | ||
| I don't know I'm going to see it. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to be in New Orleans. | ||
| Yeah, you got to check out this restaurant in New Orleans. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's called Ocean's... | ||
| Hold on, I'll tell you right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just started thinking about those catacombs and I'm freaking out again. | |
| Ocean what? | ||
| Oceana Restaurant. | ||
| Oceana Restaurant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I just saw the show on TV. Is that the one Mencia owns? | |
| Are you trying to trick me? | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| He owns something. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They were on that show I was talking about once, Kitchen Nightmares. | ||
| And you've got to watch it. | ||
| Season 4, last episode of Season 4. But the guy on there is psyched and almost tried to beat up the chef. | ||
| And then the kitchen man or the head chef had some seizure thing going on with his face and they fired him on the show. | ||
| Anyways, they're completely crazy. | ||
| And so sometimes when people are on that show, I'll go on Yelp to see if their business is still in business. | ||
| Or see what their reviews now are. | ||
| And on their Yelp right now, it's like... | ||
| We came with 110 people. | ||
| We were trying to negotiate the bill. | ||
| Manager went psycho, called cops on to start throwing things, screaming. | ||
| And so you watch this episode and then you look at this Yelp. | ||
| This might be the craziest fucking place ever to go to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then you look at their website and it's like a friendly website. | ||
| It's the happiest thing in the world. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| Have you ever been there before? | ||
| New Orleans? | ||
| Yes, a long time ago. | ||
| I was there for a UFC. It was in, who knows God when. | ||
| Nobody knew what the UFC was back then. | ||
| It was during the news radio days. | ||
| Yeah, I don't remember much. | ||
| I remember we put on some fights and left. | ||
| I remember I ate at a restaurant and people were saying, be careful, it's dangerous. | ||
| That's what I kept hearing. | ||
| Be careful, it's dangerous. | ||
| Yeah, people kept saying, yeah, be careful, it's dangerous. | ||
| People get robbed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's apparently an extraordinary amount of crime around New Orleans. | ||
| My dad would take me to New Orleans. | ||
| He'd go to a bar. | ||
| He'd give me like 60 bucks. | ||
| I'd get fucking drunk and wander down the street and just take nitrous oxide hits. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| I think I was like... | ||
| 16, 15, I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I used to do that at 16 too. | ||
| Yeah, I would go down the street and get, because you could buy nitrous oxide balloons. | ||
| Crackers. | ||
| This is how bad a kid I was. | ||
| I spent all my money on a stripper and all these nitrous oxide balloons and some booze. | ||
| So I know it was money that was supposed to last for a couple of days that my dad had given me. | ||
| And then I told my dad I'd gotten mugged to get more money. | ||
| And I'm more nitrous oxide. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| The Easy Whip Corporation, half of their profit is just from people, 16-year-olds, doing balloons. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Come on, half their profit? | ||
| I mean, that's everything. | ||
| You can't say that. | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| I used to buy cases of that. | ||
| Oh, I thought you were reading something online. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure, man. | ||
| I bet it's not even 1%. | ||
| No way. | ||
| No, 16-year-olds, all 16-year-olds do it. | ||
| Easy Whip? | ||
| One out of 100. How many people do you know that make their own whipped cream? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Thank you, Duncan. | ||
| I've made my own whipped cream. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Here's some homemade whipped cream, everyone. | ||
| Enjoy. | ||
| I made this myself. | ||
| Listen, I have done it a couple times, and it is delicious. | ||
| I think most people buy the whipped stuff. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I've made it a couple times. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| You gotta get one of those blender things where there's two whisks and they spin with each other and you get it in a bowl and you add all the ingredients. | ||
| I've done it a couple times. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| Real whipped cream tastes better. | ||
| Because, you know, just... | ||
| But, you know, come on, man. | ||
| I ain't making that shit. | ||
| I don't have the time for that. | ||
| No way. | ||
| But the stuff that's in the cans, that doesn't taste as good. | ||
| That doesn't taste as good as real whipped cream. | ||
| If you go to a real restaurant and you get some real whipped cream with strawberries, shazam. | ||
| When I see a can of whipped cream, to this day, all I think about is how high I can make it. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| That's all that comes to my mind when I see a can of whipped cream. | ||
| I had a friend in high school introduce me to Whippets, and after that... | ||
| I don't know if my parents thought I was trying to become a pastry chef or what the fuck they thought it was trying to do. | ||
| In Ohio, they sold it everywhere, too. | ||
| They used to sell it at video stores, Whippets. | ||
| Like, you'd come in, you'd buy a cracker, a balloon, and the Easy Whip at a video store. | ||
| That's how popular it was in Columbus. | ||
| Yeah, and so there's no whipped cream in it, then? | ||
| It's just the air? | ||
| No, no, it's just the air that you used to screw on the machines that would pump the air out, like, to go shh. | ||
| You learn how to do it. | ||
| You don't shake it up. | ||
| You buy it and you don't shake it up because the gas rises at the top. | ||
| So you just do it right off the top when you first do it? | ||
| No, I'm talking about these little canisters that you put in like a thing and then you put a balloon on and cracking it. | ||
| He's talking about sucking the whipped cream. | ||
| Yeah, I never did that. | ||
| That seems more like wasting your time. | ||
| So you're talking about just some nitrous oxide in a little container. | ||
| They sell Easy Whips. | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Nitrous oxide? | ||
| No. | ||
| N-O-2. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| It's nitrous, I think. | ||
| Nitrous oxide. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But yeah, they come in these little containers, and you buy them by the case, and each balloon, then you have that metal cracker that looks kind of like something like a camping gear thing where you unscrew it, and you put it in, close it, you put the balloon on one side, and you crack it, and it just fills a whole balloon, and then you just take the balloon. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| When I was a kid, I worked at one of those ice cream places called Newport's Creamery. | ||
| Newport Creamery, they served like cheeseburgers and shit. | ||
| I was a cook for a little while, and I got fucking horrible zits from that. | ||
| That's the nastiest ever. | ||
| But I also scooped ice cream and made ice cream sundaes, and we would have to go replenish the containers because they would make their own whipped cream. | ||
| So they had these giant fucking containers of nitric oxide. | ||
| And everyone was a burnout. | ||
| They would all go back there. | ||
| Did you do it? | ||
| I only did it once. | ||
| I didn't like it. | ||
| That was my, I was scared of drugs days. | ||
| That was all my martial arts days. | ||
| You know what that sound is, don't you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| God's helicopter. | ||
| Is that what happens when you do the nitric trip? | ||
| Your sound just starts going in waves. | ||
| You hear the all. | ||
| That's what it sounds like? | ||
| You hear the all. | ||
| Okay, any truth to the fact that shit instantly makes you retarded? | ||
| It must. | ||
| It must, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it seems like it would fuck you up hardcore. | ||
| But it's not as bad as disc cleaner. | ||
| When I couldn't find a nitrous, I would get disc cleaner for keyboards and stuff like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That shit was way worse. | ||
| I remember doing that and going, wow, this is horrible. | ||
| Are you talking about amyl nitrate that they sell at video stores? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| You're talking about the spray. | ||
| The spray. | ||
| The wind spray? | ||
| I don't think they have it anymore. | ||
| I think it's air now. | ||
| This shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, let me see that. | |
| Oh, no. | ||
| Not that. | ||
| Get high for us. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Don't do it, please. | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| I think that's just canned air. | ||
| We'll find out. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think they'd make it anymore. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| A century duster. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I kind of feel a little light hitting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| So what would that stuff do to you? | ||
| It would do almost the same thing as nitrous, but it was grosser. | ||
| Like, after you're done, you're like, ugh, that's nasty. | ||
| It seems like it's what you're experiencing is just oxygen being cut out of your bloodstream and your body almost dying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Think about how many different ways people have sought to achieve altered states of consciousness. | ||
| Huffing paint. | ||
| Hanging themselves and jerking off while they wear lingerie. | ||
| Yeah, how about that? | ||
| I was watching The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia again on the plane, and one of the things they were talking about was Jesco and how much gasoline he sniffed, that he huffed so much gasoline he could tell the difference between regular and high test. | ||
| He doesn't have to look at the sign. | ||
| Oh, and he was talking about how he huffed gasoline for 10 years. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Have you seen My Strange Addiction? | ||
| No. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's a show on TLC, and one of the episodes is a woman who's addicted to sniffing gasoline. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I wake up in the morning and sniff gas. | ||
| She's, like, super hooked on it, so her house is just filled with, like, old bottles of, like, gas, and she brings in gas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| She spends all her money on gas. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| She's a gal. | ||
| She's just addicted to huffing gas. | ||
| She loves it. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Is that psychological? | ||
| It must be, right? | ||
| Yeah, because she's like... | ||
| Can you get addicted? | ||
| Yeah, you can. | ||
| I mean, shit, watch that episode. | ||
| Is it she's addicted or she craves it? | ||
| Kind of like that disease where you crave eating dirt. | ||
| If you've been huffing gas for 15 years, you're crazy. | ||
| Yeah, but what I'm saying is, does it become physically addictive? | ||
| Like, they think that Amy Winehouse, one of the speculations that Amy Winehouse died because she tried to quit alcohol cold turkey. | ||
| Which can happen to people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But they know that happens to people. | ||
| They also found medication in her room. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But you're right. | ||
| It's very possible. | ||
| But my point is that it is possible for that to happen. | ||
| They know that that's a documentable occurrence. | ||
| People just quit. | ||
| They die. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You need to wean yourself off the alcohol. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| It's too much stress in your system to just quit. | ||
| They can kill you. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Delirium tremens. | ||
| You hallucinate and you die. | ||
| And it's probably several drugs that are like that. | ||
| Very addictive drugs that are like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's antidepressants that if you get off of, you'll get vertigo. | ||
| Dude, have you seen the fucking commercials for that game, Deuce? | ||
| Something X? The one where people become cyborgs? | ||
| Oh, it's a new video game. | ||
| Man, I watched that. | ||
| It's an insane... | ||
| Dose X. Dose X? I think that's how you say it, but yeah, that's a really old game, man. | ||
| And this is the newest version of this really old concept that was like a really wicked game, if I remember. | ||
| It was made by the same guys that made Daikatana. | ||
| It was like this faction of id software that broke off and there was this character, I think his name was Romero. | ||
| And he started this company, and they made two games, and one of them had all this hype behind it. | ||
| It was called Daikatana, and I thought it was pretty badass. | ||
| It was great, like, deathmatch style. | ||
| He was like a Quake 1 guy. | ||
| He was with Quake from the very beginning. | ||
| But this other game, they made this Dos X. I'm pretty sure it's the same company, and this game was apparently wicked. | ||
| Dude, fucking the commercial. | ||
| Have you seen the commercial with the cyborgs begging? | ||
| Because they're on this drug that you have to be on or your body rejects the cybernetic part. | ||
| So it's all these people with cyborg arms or hookers with cyborg legs begging because they have to pay for this medicine that you have to take to keep yourself alive. | ||
| I don't know what the gameplay is like because this seems like... | ||
| Just pure CGI, like, movie making. | ||
| So I don't know what the gameplay's like. | ||
| Is this a, um, is it an Xbox game or a PC game? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What game? | ||
| Dose X. D-U-E. D-U-X or D-U-X. It's got an X in it. | ||
| It was a computer game, but I think they also ported it over to something. | ||
| It was a couple years ago, right? | ||
| No, this one's coming out this month. | ||
| The first one came out a long time ago. | ||
| I might be confused with linking it up with the people from Daikatana. | ||
| Sorry, uber nerds and geeks, if I've steered you wrong. | ||
| Do you remember Daikatana? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It was disappointing to a lot of people because they thought it was kind of derivative. | ||
| You know, a bunch of other games that existed. | ||
| But to me, it was pretty fucking fun. | ||
| Especially the Deathmatch was really fun. | ||
| I don't need any other game than StarCraft 2. You don't like fast twitch games like Quake? | ||
| Starcraft 2 is fast twitch. | ||
| Yeah, but sort of. | ||
| Look, he got all defensive. | ||
| Did you notice? | ||
| 2v2 Gold League. | ||
| He got a little defensive, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me? | |
| He did. | ||
| I did. | ||
| I love that game. | ||
| He's a dick. | ||
| You're like, Starcraft 2 is fast twitch. | ||
| I'm in a constant argument with everyone over Starcraft 2. They think I'm a total dork. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Well, for one, playing Starcraft 2 is like, they think I'm a nerd. | ||
| How much are you playing? | ||
| Starcraft 2? | ||
| Yeah, how often? | ||
| About as much as a Korean, but not as much as a Chinese. | ||
| I don't know, three. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll admit, three games a day. | |
| There's a lot of people right now saying that that's racist. | ||
| But meanwhile, ladies and gentlemen, listen to the context of using it. | ||
| He's saying it's awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Saying it's awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But let's be honest, Asians love that game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They do. | |
| They do, right? | ||
| Koreans love that game, right? | ||
| They're fucking great at it. | ||
| Don't they have like, we've talked about this before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They have tournaments. | |
| Yeah, they've televised things. | ||
| It's the first time I feel like I've been able to watch something akin to sports. | ||
| And really get excited about it because they just had this big tournament and they have like famous players and it was really cool to watch these two famous players compete against each other knowing the game and having played it seeing the crazy tricks they're using and the crazy control they have over so many Variables. | ||
| It's amazing to watch. | ||
| And then it's so funny because I was thinking, like, athletes of the future are all going to be fat and pale because, like, they cut to these guys who just played this insane game that's, like, required so much brainpower to control this stuff. | ||
| And since all they do is play computers, they're kind of emotionless. | ||
| Like, you cut to, like, a UFC fighter after he's just knocked someone out, and it's like watching Julius Caesar march into a city that he's just defeated. | ||
| It's fucking—you're watching glory. | ||
| When you cut to a StarCraft II fighter player who's just won a game, it's just kind of like, hmm. | ||
| One of them took his shirt off, because underneath it he was wearing a shirt that was, like, kind of insulting, and he's like, eh-heh. | ||
| Then walked over and, like, shook the guy's hand. | ||
| Oh, good job. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| But meanwhile, they just did this crazy thing where they were controlling. | ||
| I never played the game. | ||
| I've watched the things online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the best game of all time. | |
| I don't understand what's happening, so I can't appreciate it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's the greatest game. | ||
| It's like SimCity in space. | ||
| It looks pretty crazy. | ||
| It looks like you gotta do a lot of different things and you're moving around a lot of different shit and you're setting things up all over the place. | ||
| Yeah, you're building, the idea is you're building up this economy by gathering resources. | ||
| And while you're building this economy, you're also constructing an army that has to be based on what your opponent's doing. | ||
| So you can't just... | ||
| Do the same thing over and over again. | ||
| You have to scout what your opponent's doing, and from seeing what they're doing, you understand what their strategy probably is. | ||
| And then you have to create a perfect offense to what they're doing while building a defense that works against the type of troops they're constructing. | ||
| Because it might not always... | ||
| You have to be completely reactive and you have to be able to do all of this. | ||
| It's like juggling. | ||
| You're juggling all these crazy balls at once and you have to be able to do this and also instantaneously react to shit that you don't expect to happen. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that the most satisfying game is a virtual representative of war? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| They pretty much all are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| All that Battlefield Earth, Call of Duty, Quake... | ||
| Mario Brothers. | ||
| Unreal Tournament. | ||
| The Mario Wars are so bloody. | ||
| It's all some sort of a futuristic or ancient war. | ||
| It's either like World War II or something like that or it's futuristic. | ||
| Fucking satisfies something. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck, man? | ||
| You read that book War by Sebastian Junger where he describes what that's like to be behind a fucking machine gun blasting people. | ||
| He does this incredible description of it and the adrenaline that that creates is like Amazing. | ||
| But I'll tell you something else that creates adrenaline. | ||
| When I do a ten-pool rush into my opponent's base and my fucking speedlings encircle his base and devour it. | ||
| And then he has the audacity to text me and say that I was doing cheese moves. | ||
| That's the greatest feeling ever. | ||
| I see it, and I believe it, and I think that if I got into it, I'd fucking love it too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I see the connection, but I can't do it. | |
| Don't go there. | ||
| I got it deleted. | ||
| I'm deleting it tomorrow. | ||
| I think pool for me is a form of like a moving meditation. | ||
| When I'm running out, when I play pool, I'm using my body as well, and that's one of the things that I like about it the most. | ||
| I'm forcing my mind to control the exact amount of force my body exerts on a piece of wood that impacts a ball that collides it into another ball and moves around. | ||
| In order to do it right, I have to be in total tune with the amount of revolutions I'm causing this ball to turn over a nine-foot table. | ||
| That's what I'm trying to control. | ||
| To get into that real groove of being dead stroke where you really feel the movement, it really is like a form of meditation. | ||
| So that's why I prefer it over video games. | ||
| I had to pick my poison. | ||
| I had to pick, like, what thing am I allowing myself to be addicted to. | ||
| And I think I get more out of the pool than I did out of the video games. | ||
| The video games was fun as fuck, man. | ||
| I love them to this day. | ||
| But I can't play... | ||
| Have you played any of the Kinect games? | ||
| Like, there's a game right now called Child of Eden. | ||
| And if you fucking smoke some good weed or take some shrooms and stand in front of that game, you'll fucking feel like you're doing virtual reality. | ||
| If I'm alone at home, I'll fire up Gears of War for a goof and just go on a fucking rampage because it's fun. | ||
| Because it's just... | ||
| The graphics are so dope. | ||
| It's so wild seeing these fucking monsters that they've created. | ||
| I'll do that for fun on the big screen. | ||
| But yeah, man, you gotta moderate it. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| It's so fucking addictive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's so easy to get lost in it. | |
| It's really bad. | ||
| Lost. | ||
| But yet, it's so fucking fun. | ||
| And who is to say that that fun is less real than the fun that you get actually out there playing basketball? | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'll say it. | ||
| Can I say it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's less real? | |
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| You think it's less real? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But why? | ||
| What if you're just in tune and dominating on this fucking game? | ||
| I'll tell you why. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because when I get done... | ||
| With an addictive session of World of Warcraft, and I've been playing, or I'm sorry, I used to be addicted to that, to Starcraft 2. When I get up after playing that game for like three or four hours straight and walk outside, I feel like I'm mentally disabled. | ||
| I feel drained, my sleep sucks. | ||
| When I fucking go to the gym or go jogging or do something like that, I feel great for the rest of the day. | ||
| So, video games are amazing, and weirdly, games that involve strategy, I think you can extrapolate some information from that that you can use in real life, but you gotta do it in very small doses. | ||
| It's like, that seems like the responsibility of human beings. | ||
| We've got this incredible brand new technology that's exploding in front of us. | ||
| The discipline is not to reject it totally. | ||
| Like those assholes when you hear, I don't even have a cell phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not to reject it. | ||
| The idea is to moderate it. | ||
| Learn how to use it like a tool. | ||
| How do you do it? | ||
| That's what everything is. | ||
| It's like when I said I was addicted to City of Heroes. | ||
| I used to always fantasize about jumping on from building to building just because I had been playing that video game so much and that was something I was doing repetitively, you know, all day, you know, all night. | ||
| If you drop me off in the middle of a castle and it looked like the scenes from Quake 1, I might start pretending I'm in a rocket launcher. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| That'd be so fun. | ||
| I might start talking like one of those Quake cats. | ||
| Ow! | ||
| Ow! | ||
| Running down hallways with rocket launchers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's awesome. | |
| Duncan, as usual, you're the best. | ||
| You're the best, man. | ||
| No, you're the best, man. | ||
| You are. | ||
| That was too much fun. | ||
| Too interesting. | ||
| And I'm going to enjoy all the taped phone conversations that the FBI will be tuning in to you and myself. | ||
| Get ready to get bored, FBI. I only have these conversations here. | ||
| My phone conversations suck. | ||
| Have fun with that. | ||
| Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring the podcast. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Thank you, everybody who came out to the show in Milwaukee. | ||
| Thanks to everybody who sang Happy Birthday to me. | ||
| That was one of the coolest things that I've ever had happen in my life. | ||
| It was pretty fun. | ||
| Milwaukee was the shit. | ||
| I had a great time. | ||
| Next big road gig is Denver, Colorado, September 23rd at the Paramount Theater. | ||
| And that's me and Joey motherfucking Diaz. | ||
| It's not New Orleans? | ||
| Is New Orleans in between that? | ||
| September 23rd? | ||
| When is New Orleans? | ||
| It is, hold on, I'll tell you right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It's the 16th of September? | ||
| 9-16-2011. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So there. | ||
| 9-16-2011. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I'll be at the House of Blues in New Orleans. | ||
| Get there early because some people are going to have to stand up, unfortunately. | ||
| There was no other way I could get a show there. | ||
| There's no other place. | ||
| Do not get the stand-up seats. | ||
| You will hate it. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| It sucks standing up. | ||
| But I'll try to be as energetic as possible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I instituted a policy when Brian and I went to see Doug Stanhope, when we enjoyed the fuck out of Stanhope, as always, but it wasn't fun to stand and watch a show. | ||
| So I decided, you know what, I'm being rude asking people to stand and watch my shows. | ||
| Like, from now on, I'm gonna make sure that every show I do, people are seated. | ||
| But there was no places in town. | ||
| There was nothing I could do. | ||
| There was, like, small places that were, like, 50 seats. | ||
| Or, you know, the House of Blues. | ||
| So we're going to do the House of Blues, and it's a rare seating and standing show. | ||
| And that's September. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | |
| Go to JoeRogan.net for details. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Can I invite someone to a show? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I'm in L.A. tonight. | ||
| Laugh Factory. | ||
| Tomorrow night. | ||
| What time? | ||
| Comedy Store. | ||
| Thursday, The Improv. | ||
| Come to one of these shows and say hi, please. | ||
| Yeah, please do. | ||
| And Brian, what is this? | ||
| You're doing a show at the Improv? | ||
| I'll be at the Improv tonight at 10 o'clock and if you use the coupon code RED, you get free tickets. | ||
| I'm going to retweet that shit right now if anybody is interested and you want to go heckle Brian. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| He's trying to get real good at that. | ||
| He's like a ninja out there. | ||
| Alright, thank you very much for tuning in. | ||
| We've got to figure out when. | ||
| Hopefully I'm going to get Kevin Smith for the rest of this weekend. | ||
| We've got to make nice-nice with Jay Moore. | ||
| Brian and Jay Moore had issues, but Jay Moore's being very nice about it. | ||
| So we must, in the spirit of forgiveness and peacefulness, bring him on. | ||
| He's a very talented guy anyway. | ||
| Alright, that's it. | ||
| That's the end of the show. | ||
| I love you guys, and thank you very much for everything. | ||
| And go fuck yourselves. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| I'm being too nice to you. | ||
| You're getting soft. | ||
| You're getting soft there, freakies. | ||
| Love you guys. | ||
| Thank you very much. |
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