June 28, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:36:21
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Recording. | ||
| Oh, you know what? | ||
| What? | ||
| Okay, go ahead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Go ahead. | ||
| I've done so many goddamn interviews on Hoyler fucking Gracie. | ||
| We don't have to talk about that. | ||
| We're talking. | ||
| No, fuck that. | ||
| We're broadcasting right now. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight. | ||
| If you go to Joe... | ||
| Who was that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's... | |
| Is that you, Brian? | ||
| You, you goddamn rookie, son. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name Rogan, you get 15% off of the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Huh, huh. | ||
| And with that said... | ||
| Oh, the black guy in here, what the fuck? | ||
| You were gentle with the sound today, too. | ||
| Are there people that are on the fence about the fleshlight, but that 15%? | ||
| I was like, you know, when I heard the 15%, I just jumped on it. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe there's a few frugal masturbators out there. | ||
| I ignore 15% fucking off. | ||
| That never makes a difference. | ||
| Even when I was broke-ass motherfucker, 15% off never meant shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Not 15. It ain't gonna make me get up out of my fucking chair and call somebody and order some shit. | ||
| Oh, it made me. | ||
| I'm a member of all the coupon websites, and if I had a flashlight web 15% off, fuck yeah, I'm like free shipping. | ||
| That to me is like, oh, I got extra free something. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think everybody thinks differently when it comes to money. | ||
| I think you're a lot like me in that you would rather not think about it at all. | ||
| I don't want to think about that. | ||
| You think about it as much as you have to. | ||
| If it's 50% off, I'm like, well, how much is it? | ||
| Would you consider yourself, be honest, it's totally cool, would you consider yourself a really big tipper? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, like 20%. | ||
| Usually guys that are into coupons? | ||
| I don't know how many guys into coupons, but usually guys that are into coupons usually generally don't tip them. | ||
| Well, I consider more of like, that's human, and I'm helping somebody out, compared to like, fuck, if I can get $20 off Amazon, I'm going to do that. | ||
| Fuck Amazon in the ass. | ||
| Yeah, or Amazon's actually hooking you up and giving you a way to make... | ||
| What is the reason for coupons? | ||
| I mean, is it just to see what happens when they offer people less money for things? | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| The grocery stores have changed. | ||
| They used to be relying on coupons. | ||
| Now, if you go to a grocery store without one of those cards, you're pretty much paying a good 15-20% more than you would if you didn't have a card on you. | ||
| So what's the benefit in that for them? | ||
| Because for those people that aren't loyal, they just come in and just spend money and they can charge them more. | ||
| I think coupons and advertising, when you put up a billboard and it said call now 15%, it doesn't mean shit to them. | ||
| It's just a reason to have an ad. | ||
| They don't have a storyline for an ad. | ||
| So let's just say 15% off. | ||
| We'll blow that up. | ||
| It doesn't really matter. | ||
| It's a reason to get the logo out. | ||
| That makes sense, that it's sort of like an advertising move. | ||
| But I've always thought it was probably to see, like, maybe our shit's too expensive. | ||
| Maybe we could actually make more money if we sold more of them at a lesser price. | ||
| Well, it probably also averages out, like, if you have a product that's $20, but you could also charge $30 for it, then the averages out, the people that use the coupons, would probably make it more like $25. | ||
| Probably there's, like, some economics major right now pulling his fucking hair out right now. | ||
| You don't know what you're talking about! | ||
| I know, we're total morons! | ||
| By the way, did we say this is Eddie Bravo? | ||
|
unidentified
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We just opened the show with coupons. | |
| Holy fuck. | ||
| It's a new day. | ||
| Ari's not even here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Yeah, I've never been one to... | ||
| Whenever I go to Ralph's or something like that, and they always say, Ralph's our local supermarket, do you want to have a Ralph's card? | ||
| I'm like, no, I don't want another fucking card. | ||
| I don't want another card. | ||
| If I have a free shake on a Robex card or something, I'll just throw that away. | ||
| You guys are crazy. | ||
| I'm just so not good with coupons. | ||
| You guys need to start keeping all that stuff in a little bag. | ||
| Then you gotta worry about it. | ||
| It's a different mindset. | ||
| Eddie and I have this... | ||
| It's a modified stoner mindset. | ||
| We get a lot of shit done, but you and I are both the same way in that if we don't have to think about something, I'm not gonna think about it. | ||
| Yeah, and if it's not gonna make a difference in my life, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| If I'm not gonna feel it, I'm not gonna physically feel the difference. | ||
| No. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I need to do that, I guess. | ||
| It's good, man. | ||
| It helps you. | ||
| You need to, like, save money. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I need to make sure. | ||
| Well, how about if you just didn't smoke fucking cigarettes, cancer boy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just throw those fucking things away. | ||
| You'd have a lot of extra money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a terrible fucking drug, man. | ||
| You know, that is the number one thing. | ||
| Anyone ever talks anything about politicians caring. | ||
| I just say, why the fuck don't they ever talk about cigarettes? | ||
| When was the last time you heard Obama talk about everyone should quit smoking? | ||
| Getting on TV, talking about the 400,000 people. | ||
| Sure, but doesn't he try to quit? | ||
| Or hasn't he tried to quit? | ||
| Yeah, everyone has. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'll be honest. | ||
| Every now and then I have a cigarette. | ||
| I don't have a problem with cigarettes being legal. | ||
| Yeah, it's a, you know, every now and then. | ||
| You know what it does when you get high and you throw a cigarette on top of that after? | ||
| You've been having those menthol cigarettes. | ||
| For five minutes, you get like a big head buzz. | ||
| That's pretty fucking cool. | ||
| You've been having those menthol cigarettes, I can tell. | ||
| Well, I really like cigars. | ||
| And cigars are, you know, essentially it's just pure nicotine that you're smoking, you know? | ||
| So it's probably the same buzz that you get off of a cigarette in one way or another. | ||
| I don't recommend it, but... | ||
| I have full control of my body. | ||
| I've been drinking since I was 14, probably younger than that, and I never drink alone. | ||
| I'm not an alcoholic. | ||
| I only drink in social situations, and if I don't drink for four or five months, I'm not an alcoholic. | ||
| But you rage hard in social situations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I wrote a blog about you, dude. | ||
| I'm a temporary drunk. | ||
| Yeah, well, what you have is... | ||
| You have the ability to control your impulses. | ||
| And even though your impulses might be crazy, you have the ability to put them in check. | ||
| Whereas a lot of people, when they start drinking and black out and become another person, those people, they can't just not do it again the next day. | ||
| The next day comes around, they have a couple drinks and they can't step aside. | ||
| You can stop at two drinks. | ||
| How about the pizza story in Phoenix, remember? | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| We were out, okay? | ||
| We were hammered. | ||
| 2005. 2005, I did the improv in Phoenix, in Tempe, rather. | ||
| We had a great old time. | ||
| Went out, got our party on, got a drink on. | ||
| We were hammered, and we were at a pizza place, and it's 2 o'clock in the fucking morning, and Eddie Bravo was on the Atkins diet, so he's blackout drunk. | ||
| Blackout drunk, and he still won't eat his crusts. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's right. | ||
| Greasy Tony's. | ||
| Yeah, Greasy Tony's. | ||
| God rest his soul, Greasy Tony passed away last year. | ||
| I was fucking committed to that shit. | ||
| I also remember your cheat day was ridiculous, though. | ||
| You would have a sundae with pizza inside of it, chocolate sauce, anything you can think of. | ||
| Dudes are famous for their cheat days. | ||
| There's a dude who trains with BJ Penn. | ||
| I apologize, I forgot his name. | ||
| He's a wrestler. | ||
| And he would put pictures of his shit online because it was so ridiculous. | ||
| He would go to McDonald's and get a quarter pounder and then he would go to Krispy Kreme and he would cut a donut in half and he'd put the cheeseburger in between the donut. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| He was just fucking up some food, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That cheap? | |
| When you're on the Atkins diet and you're restricting carbs, you think about bread like every day. | ||
| Sometimes you dream about bread and you're thinking about that Sunday. | ||
| And you're thinking about food so much. | ||
| Wednesday, I'm like, damn, all that matters to me is just a couple more days. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| And I did it for almost three years where I was looking forward to that Sunday. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| And when I would wake up and stuff my face and I'm like... | ||
| It's 11 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| I'm stuffed. | ||
| And it's my cheat day. | ||
| I've been waiting for this all week. | ||
| I want to get hungry again. | ||
| I start smoking a lot of pot, getting the cushiest of cushions. | ||
| Did you ever throw up? | ||
| I'm sure I did. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I mean, you had to have. | ||
| Some of the shit I saw you eat was just ridiculous. | ||
| I even on my fattest day never ate. | ||
| And then I would extend it to Saturday night. | ||
| I go, I'm going to start early. | ||
| And then for like after a year, Saturday night and all day Sunday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| You did extend it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You waited until midnight. | ||
| And then I did that for about a year. | ||
| I would start Saturday night and midnight and just go off, right? | ||
| And take it all the way through Sunday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Then it started Saturday afternoon around 6. UFC, you know, we're eating before the UFC. Okay. | ||
| Then it just became, let's just do Saturday and Sunday, and let's not think about it no more. | ||
| Let's just wake up Saturday, fuck it. | ||
| And then when I added Friday night, that's when I started. | ||
| I was like, enough's enough. | ||
| It was opposite, Chite. | ||
| I was like, I'm not going to get crazy with it. | ||
| Now I'm not going to suffer. | ||
| And I'm like, it's not even making a difference now. | ||
| Yeah, you were doing that for a long time. | ||
| I miss those days. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| But you were so insane with it. | ||
| I was a machine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very disciplined. | |
| Very disciplined. | ||
| Yeah, you would just eat lettuce. | ||
| I remember you were eating bunny food. | ||
| You were just eating chopped lettuce. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For a long time. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| People thought... | ||
| I lost so much weight. | ||
| People thought... | ||
| I remember at Abu Dhabi 2005, people on the internet were saying that, man, is he a heroine? | ||
| Because Henzo said something. | ||
| Henzo said something like... | ||
| On the internet where they thought I was on drugs. | ||
| Were you growing your hair out then? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| You hadn't done that yet? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It was spiky the way it is now. | ||
| And I was really skinny and it was from the Atkins diet and people at Abu Dhabi thought I was on heroin. | ||
| That's a true story. | ||
| People were on the underground talking shit. | ||
| Oh, he's on heroin. | ||
| He looks like shit. | ||
| The crazy thing is how much you train. | ||
| You train a lot, but you would eat so bad that you would gain weight. | ||
| You would just go off burritos and you would just go off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So now I'm on a diet part of the day. | ||
| Part of the day? | ||
| How much of the day? | ||
| A good 65-70%. | ||
| Well, as long as you just maintain. | ||
| It's when you let yourself go and then you gotta get fucking skinny again. | ||
| That's what happens with dudes, it happens with girls, it happens with everybody. | ||
| The hardest thing is getting back in shape. | ||
| It's not staying in shape. | ||
| Staying in shape is not that bad. | ||
| You get some momentum, you keep it going. | ||
| The one thing that's helped me a lot, though, is my girlfriend cooks for me all the time now. | ||
| She moved in, so I rarely go out. | ||
| Before, Man, in the middle of Hollywood, I had choices. | ||
| That was all night. | ||
| You want Carl's Jr.? | ||
| You want Jack in the Box? | ||
| You know, you can get Wendy's all night. | ||
| There's so much Taco Bells right there. | ||
| You have so many choices in it. | ||
| All I gotta do is get in my car. | ||
| And what got me fat was the place I lived at before, it was terrible parking. | ||
| Sometimes you had to park four blocks down the street just to get a parking. | ||
| So if I had a good parking when I got home after Jiu-Jitsu, I didn't want to lose that parking. | ||
| It wasn't worth it. | ||
| That Carl's Jr. was not worth losing my parking. | ||
| But then once I got my own official parking, man, you could leave at any time, just right there at 3 in the morning, ready to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's right. | |
| Your place used to be brutal for parking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You didn't miss that shit. | ||
| How do people live like that? | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| My friend lives like that, and I'm thinking, what if you had to poop really bad, and you couldn't find a parking spot, and you was sticking out? | ||
| You shit your pants. | ||
| It's like what we were talking about with all the area around the improv. | ||
| Everywhere you go on those side streets, it's all residential-only parking. | ||
| And you're literally not even allowed to park there. | ||
| They're just saying, sorry, even though this is the street, there's no room for regular people. | ||
| You have to live here to park your fucking car here because we fucked up and we put too many people in one spot. | ||
| You can't park. | ||
| That's ridiculous, man. | ||
| That's the worst thing in the world about when you do sets in Hollywood. | ||
| I used to park my car in the improv. | ||
| I used to let the valets park it. | ||
| But they let some fucking chick, she was drunk, man, and she fucked up my car. | ||
| She was pulling it out of a spot, and it was a really tight little area, and she just turned her wheel and hit the gas and just jacked my fucking car. | ||
| She didn't have no insurance. | ||
| And I'm like, why am I letting these people park my car? | ||
| They're obviously not looking after my shit. | ||
| So I stopped doing that. | ||
| You know what that reminded me of? | ||
| What? | ||
| Back in 2002 when you tore your knee and you couldn't drive your NSX and I had to drive it for you. | ||
| You were so mad at me. | ||
| He doesn't know how to drive a stick. | ||
| He was really mad at me. | ||
| He wasn't really mad at you. | ||
| He kept putting it in neutral on the highway and then dropping it down. | ||
| It was an NSX. It had a lot of horsepower, man. | ||
| I wasn't used to it. | ||
| I was driving caravans and shit up to that point. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And 1972 Ford Courier. | ||
| Eddie was so funny because I've never seen someone so, like, breaking down the effect a car has on girls. | ||
| His need to... | ||
| Tor. | ||
| He's sitting in his car. | ||
| I'm trying to help him. | ||
| And he's fucking, he's got pain here. | ||
| And he's like, fuck, he's grinding my clutch. | ||
| He's fucking my clutch up. | ||
| And his knee, I'm taking him to like emergencies, not surgery. | ||
| We had to go to get an MRI. Yeah. | ||
| The doctor gave me an MRI immediately. | ||
| Were you screaming on the top of your lungs? | ||
| Because when I fucked my knee up, I was just screaming in tears. | ||
| This was a bad one. | ||
| I've had a bunch of different knee injuries, but the most painful one is ironically the one that healed the quickest. | ||
| That's the meniscus one. | ||
| Once they did the meniscus surgery, it was like six weeks later, I was on the mat again. | ||
| But when I had my ACL torn, both times it's not that painful, not nearly as painful. | ||
| The meniscus is what's really painful. | ||
| The ACL just kind of snaps, and it's fucked, and it hurts a little bit, and then your leg's wobbling. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck? | ||
| And then you go to a doctor, and they go, you don't have a ligament anymore. | ||
| You have to get an artificial ligament put in place. | ||
| And it takes six months before you totally heal up. | ||
| But the pain is nothing. | ||
| It's not that big a deal. | ||
| The pain of the meniscus tear, I had what's called a bucket handle tear. | ||
| And it's called a bucket handle, because you know how a bucket handle can flip up? | ||
| And it can, like, stop, like, in the center, in the center position. | ||
| Well, that's what it's like. | ||
| It's like the handle of a bucket. | ||
| It, like, literally peels up and gets locked in place. | ||
| So the sliver of meniscus is locked, and it's tearing, and it's just excruciating fucking, like, soft tissue pain. | ||
| It's really painful. | ||
| I had, I don't know what this is called, but where the top bone and the bottom bone, like, I twist my leg weird, and it... | ||
| hit each other. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The thing in the middle, I guess the knee socket or something, snapped out of place and the top bone hit the bottom bone and then snapped right back. | ||
| Didn't you say it's still fucked up? | ||
| Like it still wobbles on you? | ||
| Yeah, it still feels like it's going to happen again all the time. | ||
| Like I'm so paranoid because when that happened, I was filming a home video and in the video you could just hear me scream like... | ||
| Like Bloody Mary and then... | ||
| Bloody Mary? | ||
| Bloody Murder. | ||
| I'm thinking of a different thing. | ||
| Get that video and then post it. | ||
| Yeah, you have that shit? | ||
| It's one of those videos my dad has on some VHS tape somewhere. | ||
| We need to fucking scour your dad's closets. | ||
| We need to have a video for this story, son. | ||
| I never finished the video. | ||
| So did you break a ligament? | ||
| Do you know what you did? | ||
| He said that... | ||
| I mean, this was a long time ago. | ||
| But he told me what happened and I had to wear this cast thing for a long time. | ||
| Maybe like six months or something like that. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Ever since then. | ||
| Six months, huh? | ||
| Yeah, it was a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, the body is so goddamn fragile. | ||
| I was in, we were in Pittsburgh, and we were watching dudes on motorcycles with no helmets. | ||
| They don't have a helmet law there. | ||
| Just watching them drive around, like, God, you silly fuck. | ||
| Like, your body's so fragile, you don't even know. | ||
| If you knew what could happen to your head if you hit the ground, would you be willing to roll those dice? | ||
| Would you really be willing to just get on a bike with a bunch of people and trust them not to slam into you? | ||
| Trust them not to smash your fucking head off the concrete? | ||
| Really? | ||
| You're gonna just trust them? | ||
| The problem with motorcycles is that the reason you get it is because you want chicks to see you on the motorcycle. | ||
| On the helmet, they can't see you. | ||
| So that's why those Harley guys, they found a loophole. | ||
| They just put a little cap on the fucking top. | ||
| They want their face exposed, man. | ||
| It always goes to that with you. | ||
| It always goes to impressive chicks. | ||
| We're in that NSX. We're driving around. | ||
| I'm in fucking pain. | ||
| Eddie's driving and dropping it down to fourth gear on the highway, and she doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, right? | ||
| And while he's looking around, he's like, damn, chicks are looking at me, man. | ||
| Girls are looking at me. | ||
| They never look at me in my fucking Bronco. | ||
| Dude, bitches are looking at me. | ||
| Look at that bitch right there. | ||
| She's looking at me, man. | ||
| She's looking at me right now. | ||
| Explore. | ||
| Explore, I'm sorry. | ||
| Dude, when we would drive your barracuda, the big fish, the catfish. | ||
| Sick fish. | ||
| Sick fish. | ||
| Old men wanted to suck your dick. | ||
| They were like pulling up going, oh, everybody that was, you know, have you ever been in his car driving around? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Everybody says, holy shit, like 15-year-old dudes that are rappers and shit look over and trip out, you know? | ||
| It's too ridiculous. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| It sounds like a Tyrannosaurus Rex. | ||
| It sounded like machine guns going off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you rev it. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| How does it sound? | ||
| Do it? | ||
| I forget. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| No, it's a lot louder than that. | ||
| My friend just did a photo shoot with Kit from the original Knight Rider car from the 80s, though. | ||
| A photo shoot with Kit? | ||
| Yeah, and I was thinking, wow, some guy owns Kit, and he rents it out. | ||
| I think it's an Asian businessman. | ||
| And he rents it out, and I'm thinking, wow, they actually let Kit mix with porn. | ||
| That's weird to me. | ||
| I guess they don't have control over a kid's image anymore. | ||
| Yeah, isn't that weird, though? | ||
| Yeah, they're doing a lot of shows. | ||
| I think after 25 years, it's like public domain or something. | ||
| I wonder if it is. | ||
| Some things are, right? | ||
| Aren't some movies public domain? | ||
| Books are public domain after a certain amount of time. | ||
| Yeah, like Huck Finn. | ||
| Yeah, how many years is it? | ||
| I think the only movies are kung fu theater. | ||
| I think you can do anything you want with those kinds of things. | ||
| You can start your own TV station and just put nothing but Kung Fu Thin. | ||
| No one owns them. | ||
| It costs more to just keep the license going than they're worth. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So no one owns them, literally? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Yeah, nobody owns them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Nobody owns them. | ||
| They're public domain. | ||
| How many movies, you think? | ||
| Dude, I'm not an expert in this, but I'm pretty damn sure. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| It's a public domain. | ||
| You've got to get this shit registered every 25 years or so. | ||
| And if there's no one there to register, and most of those guys are in China, and they're dead from the triads and shit. | ||
| I had a friend of mine from my old Taekwondo days, my friend Larry Jones. | ||
| Larry Jones was a fiend for Chinese Kung Fu movies. | ||
| And he would always go, and he would come to the gym the next day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh man, I saw this badass Shaolin, these Shaolin Seven Monks. | |
| He would, like, every week it would be some new fucking kung fu movie that he just saw and loved. | ||
| And he would get together with a bunch of his friends from the gym, and they would all go watch these kung fu movies. | ||
| They'd get excited and watch these... | ||
| They were like real fighters. | ||
| And they were going and watching these shitty kung fu movies. | ||
| And I tried to watch them. | ||
| I never got into them. | ||
| I tried, man. | ||
| I sat down with them. | ||
| I tried to watch them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because we got Bruce Lee first. | |
| That's the problem. | ||
| Anybody who got Bruce Lee first is not into kung fu theater. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How could you... | |
| I tried. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I think... | ||
| I don't know what it is, really. | ||
| That's just my guess. | ||
| But after seeing Bruce Lee, you're like, fuck these guys. | ||
| Everyone's trying to... | ||
| I mean, there was Bruce Lies out there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about that? | |
| Bruce Lies. | ||
| There was more than one, right? | ||
| How many Bruce Lies were there? | ||
| How famous was he? | ||
| Was he famous? | ||
| Like in China? | ||
| Was he going to the club, popping bottles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| For a couple years, he probably got laid. | ||
| He was like Dan Cortez. | ||
| That's how dumb these people think the people are. | ||
| That they could just put a fake Bruce Lee up? | ||
| And a good percentage of them are not even going to know the difference. | ||
| Is it because he was almost playing a character, would you think? | ||
| Maybe he was almost like a James Bond? | ||
| Well, when they put out Game of Death, they only had 10 minutes of that movie with Bruce Lee. | ||
| The whole movie is not Bruce Lee. | ||
| If you watch Game of Death, the beginning of Game of Death is the end of Return of the Dragon. | ||
| They start with the Chuck Norris fight, so it looks like a Bruce Lee movie. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's another movie. | ||
| So they replayed that scene again? | ||
| The exact same footage? | ||
| In the beginning. | ||
| That's how Game of Death starts. | ||
| The only thing that's Bruce Lee is the end. | ||
| Where he goes up and fights... | ||
| Fights Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. | ||
| That's all him. | ||
| But everything, the whole movie is an imposter. | ||
| I need to see that. | ||
| Wow, I need to see that again, too. | ||
| Dude, it's hilarious. | ||
| And in the beginning, there's a scene where the fake Bruce Lee's sitting at his dressing room, because this is how they started it. | ||
| They start the movie with the fight with Chuck Norris in Return of the Dragon. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then the movie is about a famous martial arts superstar loosely based on Bruce Lee. | ||
| So once all the credits are over and the fight's over, they go, cut! | ||
| And then Bruce Lee, a fake Bruce Lee, walks off set. | ||
| Like, all of a sudden, that was just a movie, that fight scene. | ||
| And it's about a famous actor and the Chinese tribes are trying to control him or whatever. | ||
| So, from that point on, it's a fake Bruce Lee the whole time. | ||
| He's sitting in his dressing room. | ||
| He's talking to this guy, this mafia guy. | ||
| And they put a picture, a still picture, like, right where his head's at. | ||
| There's a still picture. | ||
| So, it's a Bruce, a picture of Bruce Lee on a, you can see the guy's shoulders moving. | ||
| It's a moving picture. | ||
| That's how bad it was. | ||
|
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Wow. | |
| And everyone believes it. | ||
| I was seven years old when that shit came out. | ||
| I didn't know the difference. | ||
| I didn't know the difference. | ||
| They fooled me. | ||
| They fooled the kids. | ||
| Maybe back then that special effect actually fooled adults too. | ||
| And the whole movie he's got big shades on and they never get any close-up. | ||
|
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|
It's always from the side and he's got big shades on. | |
| I wonder how much that movie cost. | ||
| How much did that cost to make? | ||
| They probably made a fuckload of money with it too, right? | ||
| It was a major movie! | ||
| They didn't have fucking Yelp back then. | ||
| They didn't have Fandora. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You can't find out how bad a movie was by just going online. | ||
| Now you find out real quick if a movie's a piece of shit. | ||
| It could be out a couple hours and people are already freaking out about it. | ||
| Even before, because people get screeners. | ||
| They get previews before. | ||
| People go to previews. | ||
| You can't sneak a shitty movie through anymore. | ||
| But back in that day, I bet it took weeks before everybody figured out that movie sucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Game of Death? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To kids, I thought it was great because the end is a classic. | ||
| It's still Bruce Lee. | ||
| The end is strong. | ||
| He fights Dan Inosano, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, some Taekwondo guy. | ||
| All that shit's beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was pretty badass. | ||
| And that's really the only scene people remember when they watch it as a kid. | ||
| You remember, remember Game of Death? | ||
| He's fighting Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. | ||
| That's really all you remember. | ||
| You don't remember all the bullshit in the middle. | ||
| All the fake shit. | ||
| But when me and my friends are talking about the best Bruce Lee move ever, the best Bruce Lee movie ever was actually done by the fake Bruce Lee. | ||
| A guy was holding him like this. | ||
| He came from behind and held him. | ||
| And the fake Bruce Lee did a backflip, kicked him, and landed back on his face. | ||
| It was a fake Bruce Lee? | ||
| The fake Bruce Lee from Game of Death. | ||
| The guy was holding him like this, he was behind him, and he did a backflip, kicked him, and then landed on his feet. | ||
| I wonder if that one dude, if he still goes around. | ||
| You remember that scene? | ||
|
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|
You remember? | |
| Game of Death? | ||
| He looks like Bruce Lee. | ||
| It's not Bruce Lee, it's me! | ||
| We need a documentary on the fake Bruce Lee. | ||
| Bruce Lee, like all of them. | ||
| Well, we need a documentary on the guy who did that flip. | ||
|
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|
But that was cuts in it, so it wasn't like one thing, you know? | |
| That was some cuts in it. | ||
| So it wasn't just some wild kamikaze type shit. | ||
| But that was in the top three of best Bruce Lee moves ever, and it wasn't even him. | ||
| When I met Chuck Norris, it was one of the few times in my life where I was genuinely freaked out. | ||
| Like, I'm shaking his hand, I'm going to meet him, and he knows who I am, he's talking to me. | ||
| And I'm like, holy shit, this is Chuck Norris. | ||
| Like, this is really Chuck Norris. | ||
| And the thing I thought about was that movie with him and Bruce Lee. | ||
| I'm like, this motherfucker fought Bruce Lee in a movie. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, that is a crazy scene, too. | ||
| He's like the badass karate guy. | ||
| And Bruce Lee and him go at it. | ||
| Holy shit, that was a good scene. | ||
| It was hard to top Bruce Lee. | ||
| Just his face. | ||
| I used to like Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris was down with Bruce Lee. | ||
| By association. | ||
| Even though Chuck Norris wasn't as dynamic as Bruce Lee, he was still in a Bruce Lee movie. | ||
| And there was some cool shit about him because he was American and he wore cowboy boots and a fucking cowboy hat and he'd jack guys up. | ||
| Sort of like a karate but American style. | ||
| I thought he was alright. | ||
| It was alright. | ||
| Lomo McQuaid, him and David Carradine. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Do you remember Billy Jack? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| Dude, the cowboy with the roundhouse kicks that he was known for his roundhouse. | ||
| Remember he would tell the guy, I'm gonna put this foot upside your head and there's not a thing you can do about it. | ||
| I remember thinking at the time, wow, that is fucking a white guy talking shit. | ||
| But he wasn't really white. | ||
| He was American Indian. | ||
| Nobody under 30 remembers Billy Jack. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Nobody knows Billy Jack. | ||
| And Billy Jack, there was always these hippie bitches that were around him, bothering him all the time. | ||
| He would take care of the hippies. | ||
| And he was half Indian or something, wasn't he? | ||
| I don't fucking remember. | ||
| Something along those lines. | ||
| That'd be cool if Chuck Norris flew around in Airwolf. | ||
| You know, like that was his modes of transportation. | ||
| If he flew around in a giant helicopter? | ||
| From the 80s. | ||
| Remember those, when, did we ever talk about those? | ||
| It seems like we did. | ||
| Where helicopters were really popular in the 80s, and there was like Blue Thunder, Airwolf, and there was all these sitcoms about helicopters. | ||
| Drama shows. | ||
| Drama shows. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck was that about? | ||
| It's like, wow. | ||
| It's like, you know, it's like sort of we were talking about Knight Rider, a fucking, you know, a show about a car. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But at least that car talked. | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| This back then was just like, no, that's just a badass helicopter. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Remember it was Roy Schreider? | ||
| Schreider using Blue Thunder? | ||
| Yeah, Blue Thunder. | ||
| That fucking stupid movie about a giant helicopter. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
|
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|
Crazy. | |
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| It's amazing when you go back just a couple of decades and look at the shit that people were willing to tolerate. | ||
| People were so stupid. | ||
| You know, if you want evolution, man, you need to look no further than human television. | ||
| Look at TV shows from like the 50s. | ||
| Go try to watch like Andy Rooney. | ||
| I was watching a clip online. | ||
| It was from the Andy Griffith show and it was Jack Nicholson. | ||
| Jack Nicholson was playing a bad guy. | ||
| And Ron Howard was in it when he was a little boy. | ||
|
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|
Opie? | |
| Yeah, when he was Opie. | ||
| Before he was Opie. | ||
| Pre-Opie. | ||
| Pre-Opie. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He was Opie on Happy Days. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What was he on the other show? | ||
| On the Andy Griffith show? | ||
| He was the little brat kid. | ||
| He was a little boy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a little boy. | ||
| And Jack Nicholson is there. | ||
| And it's so stupid. | ||
| It's just so obviously dumb. | ||
| It's like if you had it on today, you would just start throwing shit at the TV. You'd go, what? | ||
| What the fuck kind of acting is? | ||
| What the fuck kind of show is this? | ||
| Who wrote this stupid thing? | ||
| But back then, that shit flew. | ||
| That was entertainment. | ||
| I can't watch fucking anything in black and white, except for Twilight Zone. | ||
| I can still watch that, because they never had... | ||
| They sometimes had happy endings, but you never knew if it was going to be a bad ending, sad ending, happy ending. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| But one show, 99.9 of everything back then, to me, in my opinion, sucked. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| But I Love Lucy. | ||
| Every now and then you watch that, there was some clever writing in I Love Lucy. | ||
| I mean, that thing stood the test of time. | ||
| You're still showing it now. | ||
| It's still on now. | ||
| You're right, most things suck, but there's a few that fucking, that really stand out still. | ||
| Like, The Hustler. | ||
| You ever watch The Hustler with Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman? | ||
| Oh, the movie, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, with, um, who the fuck played Bert? | ||
| Um, the guy from shit, I forget. | ||
| But, uh, very famous actor as well. | ||
| And, uh, just, it's fucking incredible. | ||
| Piper Laurie, you know, that woman, she played, uh, The chick in the movie. | ||
| It's a fucking great story. | ||
| It's a good, well-acted movie. | ||
| And it's from like 1963. There's a few. | ||
| Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? | ||
| That's Elizabeth Taylor back when she was hot as fuck. | ||
| Elizabeth Taylor was hot as fuck back then. | ||
| And Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf is a badass fucking movie that completely holds the test of time. | ||
| If you watch that movie today, you'll be like, whoa, that was a good goddamn movie. | ||
| And it was like from 1960 or something like that. | ||
| There's a few movies from back then where they really nailed it. | ||
| They really got it right. | ||
| Do you remember that movie? | ||
| I forget the name of it. | ||
| It had, I think, Joe Piscopo during his big... | ||
| when he was kind of famous in the early 80s. | ||
| And it used to have this little documentary in the middle of... | ||
| Johnny Dangerously? | ||
| Is that the name of it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Johnny Dangerously was... | ||
| What the fuck is his name? | ||
| Joe Piscopo? | ||
| Yeah, Joe Piscopo. | ||
| And what was the other guy? | ||
| The guy was Batman, the first Batman. | ||
| Michael Keaton? | ||
| Michael Keaton, yeah. | ||
| And remember the cartoon? | ||
| As a kid, I remember thinking how cool this was that your penis and you. | ||
| And it was like this animated cartoon of this penis and two balls walking around and stuff. | ||
| I don't remember that at all. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta check out this penis sometime. | ||
|
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|
It's pretty good. | |
| George C. Scott was the other guy who was in The Hustler. | ||
| It's a fucking great movie. | ||
| And that's 1961, man. | ||
| It's not even 63. 61. They were idiots back then. | ||
| Goddamn, they were stupid. | ||
| Really, man. | ||
| I mean, it's a good movie, but even though it's a good movie, you could still tell how goofy people were back then. | ||
| Look at Richard Nixon. | ||
| You watch him talk. | ||
| If your bullshit radar doesn't go off when you're watching Richard Nixon, just any kind of speech, It's like George W. Bush. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| That's what I was going to say. | ||
| You can't say that because of Bush. | ||
| The real problem with lying politicians is there's a lot of fucking dumb people out there, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| George W. Bush is the master. | ||
| For sure, he's the master of the dummies. | ||
| But Richard Nixon was pretty bad, too. | ||
| Everyone else is not that bad. | ||
| Bill Clinton's smooth. | ||
| Obama's smooth as hell. | ||
| Even Ronald Reagan was smooth as hell. | ||
| You know, Richard Carter, he sounds like he's a smart guy. | ||
| Richard Carter. | ||
| Jimmy Carter. | ||
| Yeah, you know, that fucking guy. | ||
| By the way, Opie... | ||
| Richard Nixon. | ||
| He sounded like a smart guy, but he sounded paranoid and insincere in everything he said. | ||
| Richard Nixon? | ||
| Richard Nixon. | ||
| Yeah, he was a piece of shit. | ||
| He was a terrible person. | ||
| He was one of those guys that got away with shit back in the time where you could get away with anything. | ||
| You know, the days before they killed Kennedy, You know, till, you know, till Nixon's era and, you know, you go deep into Reagan. | ||
| People are getting away with all kinds of crazy shit that you can never get away with now. | ||
| You know, and they got away with a lot of dirty fucking politics back then, too. | ||
| What Nixon did was totally standard stuff. | ||
| What he got impeached for at Watergate was something they all did, man. | ||
| We've been doing that to the Russians forever. | ||
| You know, I have a buddy... | ||
| I guess we shouldn't say his name, who used to work for the U.S. Embassy in Russia. | ||
| And he would find all these... | ||
| It was like standard. | ||
| They would find all these audio detection devices all over the place, or audio recording devices, where the Russians were listening into them. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| They found these Russian things that they made were so complicated that they operated on the swaying of the building, that that's what powered them. | ||
| The swaying of the building back and forth actually charged them up and powered them. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| So they had no external source of power. | ||
| These were like, this was so complicated. | ||
| He's like, when they found that stuff, he's like, we didn't even know this shit existed. | ||
| So that's been standard. | ||
| People have been spying on people and listening in to people. | ||
| That's just what they do. | ||
| Every fucking politician, every president did it. | ||
| You don't think Kennedy did it? | ||
| You know, everybody likes to look at Kennedy like he's this rosy, you know, beautiful figure from our liberal back, you know, or liberal past. | ||
| But Kennedy's family was all fucking moonshine runners. | ||
| They made all their money selling illegal booze. | ||
| And there was all sorts of people that were just like the Tea Party people today trying to get rid of Obama and going crazy about the democratically elected president. | ||
| The Democrat president, rather. | ||
| They were doing the same thing for Kennedy. | ||
| They were wanted for treason. | ||
| They'd make posters with Kennedy's face on it. | ||
| Nobody likes to think about that shit because it happened so long ago. | ||
| And what about the fact that he was, out of all the presidents that have ever existed, he's the one who had the worst reputation as far as womanizing? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dude, if they found out what he was doing today, he was probably just straight Clinton and bitches. | ||
|
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|
Clinton. | |
| More than Clinton. | ||
| You think he was? | ||
|
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|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I shouldn't say Clinton-en, because what a Clinton move is, Clinton moves, you get a girl alone, you just whip your cock out. | ||
| And then they scream and fucking run away from you and freak out and you go to jail. | ||
| That's a Clinton move. | ||
| He's the only president that probably rocked it that way. | ||
| He's probably Obamining that shit. | ||
| Tearing that shit up. | ||
| Obama's probably not doing anything. | ||
| You know what they should do? | ||
| The president should be smart. | ||
| If they're going to fuck around with these interns, offer them and their family a spot in the underground cities when shit goes down, they ain't going to say shit. | ||
| Eddie Brown was a firm believer in the underground cities. | ||
| They're building them. | ||
| It's not like that much of a secret. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I've seen underground bunkers and bases and shit like that, but you're a believer in that shit. | ||
| You want to go there if the shit goes down? | ||
| I'm trying to teach jiu-jitsu to CIA agents to hook me up. | ||
| Like, hook me up! | ||
| Give me a couple VIP passes. | ||
| Dude, the moment the first atomic bomb blows or the first asteroid hits, I want to be under that thing. | ||
| I want to be at the epicenter, wherever that bomb goes off. | ||
| I want to be at the part where all they find of you is a shadow. | ||
| That's what I want to be. | ||
| I want to be right there. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I'm not down with some Mad Max shit. | ||
| I don't want to be killing people with axes and stuff. | ||
| Imagine being sick and not having hospitals to go to. | ||
|
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|
Fuck that. | |
| That's going to definitely suck. | ||
| I agree with you there. | ||
| But if the bomb drops in New Mexico and we're feeling a fallout here but you're still alive, what do you do? | ||
| Blow your head up? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Look, I'm going to follow my human instincts and keep on keeping on. | ||
| But, if I had to choose between living a life of fucking cancer and radiation and zombies or getting hit in the head by a meteor, I'll take getting hit in the head by a meteor. | ||
| What's your take on the zombie situation? | ||
| It's funny how many fucking shows and movies and things... | ||
| There's people that believe they're real. | ||
|
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|
There's radio shows where they're talking about preparing against zombies. | |
| Well, yeah. | ||
| The reason why is because we know about so many parasitic animals in the animal kingdom that change the host. | ||
| And turn the host into something that it's not. | ||
| We know of, there's an aquatic worm we've talked about before. | ||
| Take a drink if you're playing the podcast drinking game. | ||
| We've talked about it before. | ||
| Reprograms a grasshopper's brain, this aquatic worm. | ||
| It infests the grasshopper, reprograms its brain, and then convinces the grasshopper to drown. | ||
| Convinces it to jump in the water and drown so that it can be born. | ||
| And it busts out of this thing's body cavity. | ||
| It makes it commit suicide. | ||
| So we know that there's all sorts of parasites that change the host and get the host to do their bidding. | ||
| And we also know about rabies. | ||
| We know that, you know, dogs get rabies. | ||
| That's a wrap, son. | ||
| They're dead. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You've got to kill that dog. | ||
| They don't even cure them. | ||
| You can't cure a dog from rabies. | ||
| You've got to kill that fucking thing. | ||
| And if you get rabies, you could die, too. | ||
| So rabies will turn a dog into a vicious fucking animal, like your own pet. | ||
| I had a dog that had distemper once, and it tried to bite me, man. | ||
| A Doberman pincher. | ||
| Dover in pictures snapping at me. | ||
| I was like 12 years old. | ||
| I was stuck in my living room with this dog that was sick. | ||
| And I realized halfway through, looking at this dog's eyes, there's something wrong here. | ||
| I'm like, this thing is really going to get me. | ||
| This is my dog. | ||
| My dog's going to kill me. | ||
| I really thought it was going to kill me. | ||
| We had to get the dog put down. | ||
| It was scary shit. | ||
| But what about people that are dead? | ||
| They're buried. | ||
| And then they crawl out of the dirt. | ||
| Those people are retarded. | ||
| That's not going to happen. | ||
| That's not a zombie like that. | ||
| But what could happen is, you know, look, there's all these people that are getting their heads chopped off and frozen. | ||
| You know about all that? | ||
| Cryogenics? | ||
| You know about all that shit? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I've heard about it. | ||
| Well, there's people that are getting their whole bodies frozen as well. | ||
| Like Walt Disney did, apparently. | ||
| They freeze your whole body and so that one day they can bring you back. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| And then regenerate your body tissue. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| Well, that might be when zombies happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because maybe your soul's long gone and all of a sudden you just got this tissue with no consciousness that needs food all the time and eats anything in front of it. | ||
| And just grab a purse and... | ||
| And just start eating you if you don't feed it. | ||
| That's why I don't want to be cremated. | ||
| That's the exact reason. | ||
| I want to come back to life as a zombie. | ||
| You wanna do that and just come kill people? | ||
| I'm not gonna kill people. | ||
| I could be a cool zombie. | ||
| Zombies all live on human flesh, bro. | ||
| Do you not listen to the movie or pay attention? | ||
| What about the soul comes back? | ||
| I gotta go back. | ||
| Walt Disney's gonna be alive in a couple seconds. | ||
| I gotta go back. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe they would be the first generation of people that came back with a memory of the afterlife. | ||
| Because when Kenny died, In South Park? | ||
| He came back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
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|
Remember when he was playing video games in heaven to kill the Mormons? | |
| Right. | ||
|
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|
Remember that shit? | |
| Yeah, but Kenny died like a hundred times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| But within the episode, he came back to life. | ||
| That's never happened. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
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|
It only happened once. | |
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Yeah, every week he just came back and no one said a word about it. | ||
| Robot Chicken, they had an episode where Walt Disney comes back to life and he became like this monster that just ate Puerto Rican babies. | ||
| It's pretty funny. | ||
| The real possibility is the possibility that was expressed in that 28 Days Later. | ||
| That someone comes out with some fucking genetically altered super virus and That attacks the human body and literally turns you into some fucking freaky, crazed monster animal thing. | ||
| It's hard to kill. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those fucking movies were awesome, man. | ||
| 28 weeks later was okay. | ||
| It was alright. | ||
| It was pretty good. | ||
| It was pretty good. | ||
| But it was following one of the greatest horror movies of all time. | ||
| There was no way it could fucking really top that. | ||
| That thought is very terrifying to people. | ||
| The thought that one day you wake up and the whole world's fucked. | ||
| And there's people out there, when you're sleeping, they're coming and they have axes and shit and they want to eat you. | ||
| It's a terrible fucking thought. | ||
| The thought that people eating human flesh... | ||
| You know, it's been documented very recently that they think that it was done, like, ritualistically for thousands and thousands of years. | ||
| And that people have been eating people, like, whether they killed them in battle or that small children, they found small children with tool marks on their bodies that they're positive inside their brains, in the brain cavity. | ||
| That they're positive with someone scooping and scraping out their brains and cutting off their meat and eating it. | ||
| So people have been, yeah, people have been preying on other people for forever. | ||
| Look, man, when people are starving to death, you know, if you're living like thousands and thousands of years before written language and people are starving to death, And you're a bunch of fucking skin-wearing savages. | ||
| And you look over the hill and there's a bunch of other skin-wearing savages. | ||
| You look back at your babies that are screaming in agony because there's no food in their body. | ||
| And you say, I'm just going to go kill these motherfuckers and eat them. | ||
| And people did that shit. | ||
| I bet they did that shit all the time. | ||
| They probably ate their own babies, too. | ||
| They did eat there. | ||
| I'm sure they did. | ||
| Animals do it all the time. | ||
| If animals do it, for sure somewhere, a human, before it became the human being of circa 2011, for sure someone did everything that an animal's done. | ||
| Animals always eat babies. | ||
| I had hamsters, man. | ||
| And they got a wet tail, I think is what it's called. | ||
| It's a disease when I was a little kid. | ||
| And all of a sudden, our sweet mama hamster started eating her fucking babies, man. | ||
| And eating them brains first. | ||
| Like, just attacking the brain. | ||
| My mom was like, get out of the room. | ||
| I don't want you seeing this. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| And I had to peek in and see? | ||
| And this fucking hamster is just holding on to her babies and just braining them. | ||
| Are you kidding? | ||
| Oh, dude! | ||
| It was fucking deep, man. | ||
| I didn't know that was a real thing. | ||
| Dude, it was deep. | ||
| It was so hard to watch. | ||
| I couldn't believe what I was seeing. | ||
| This mama hamster that I always loved. | ||
| You know, we had the mama and the baby boy and... | ||
| And they got together and they made babies. | ||
| And the babies somehow or another got this fucking disease. | ||
| And the mother just killed them in front of us. | ||
| Killed them and ate them, bro. | ||
| It was fucked. | ||
| I never looked at that bitch the same way again. | ||
| She was no longer my friend. | ||
| You're rocking it to a different set of rules. | ||
| I can't just pick you up and pet you now. | ||
| I want to bash your brains on the sidewalk, you fucking creep. | ||
| You baby-eating creep. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| the circle and stuff like that yeah you know like the world around and everything i was so mad at my sister once and i didn't know she had her hamster in the ball and so i'm like i'm not take this and i kicked it really hard thinking i was just gonna break the the ball the hamster just flew right out of it though and uh it was okay but it was the most scariest thing ever it It lived? | ||
| Yeah, but what was so gross is, you know when you're a kid and you see something disgusting and you're just like, I'm not going to look at it! | ||
| How durable are hamsters? | ||
| How durable are hamsters? | ||
| This motherfucker's filming a video and he falls down screaming like a little bitch just because he twisted your knee in a funny way. | ||
| And this hamster, you kick it across the room and it's okay. | ||
| Yeah, in a ball. | ||
| Doesn't even need to go to the doctor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Hamsters, man. | ||
| So, speaking of people and their affection for animals, I was in Pittsburgh this last weekend for the UFC, and it was the same time as a furry convention. | ||
| And I don't know if you're aware of this, because I certainly as fuck wasn't. | ||
| I had heard of the term furry. | ||
| I'd heard it, like, very, very abstractly. | ||
| I never sat down and had a conversation with anyone about it. | ||
| It was just something that I'd maybe heard on the news or maybe saw... | ||
| You know, an article on the internet or something, but I never paid attention. | ||
| I was like, oh, there's some people that have a thing about wearing animal clothes, and maybe they have sex with animal clothes on. | ||
| I had no idea of the depth of this hobby. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck you would call it. | ||
| You know, this fascination, this thing that these people have. | ||
| And this is what a furry does. | ||
| What a furry is, is they want to look like a cartoon animal. | ||
| Like birds. | ||
| Bugs Bunny. | ||
| I think the term is anthropomorphic. | ||
| And what that means is, you know, human characteristics in an animal's body. | ||
| And so they like Wile E. Coyote because he stands up straight and looks like a person. | ||
| You know, that's the shit they're into. | ||
| So they dress in these costumes that make them look like animated cartoon people. | ||
| That are animals, you know, like dog costumes and fox costumes and coyote costumes. | ||
| They look like mascots or things from like an amusement park. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Mascots is the perfect way to describe them. | ||
| They look like mascots. | ||
| And I guess a lot of them are wearing mascot outfits. | ||
| That's where they get these things from. | ||
| And all they do the whole weekend is get together and play like they're animals. | ||
| They don't talk. | ||
| They have their own language of grunts and certain things that mean certain noises. | ||
| They've created a sub-language, a fake language. | ||
| And when they were staying at the Westin Hotel in Pittsburgh, they sold out every fucking room in the hotel. | ||
| So there's like 600 rooms in Pittsburgh at the Westin. | ||
| They're all furries. | ||
| And they requested a giant litter box in the front lobby. | ||
| That's so awesome. | ||
| They requested that the Weston put in a fucking litter box. | ||
| So this is what these people do. | ||
| They go and get litter boxes, and they bring them up in their room, and they take shits in their litter boxes. | ||
| They don't use the toilet, and they don't wash. | ||
| If you don't wash, you stink like an animal. | ||
| And that's what they're trying to do. | ||
| They're trying to smell like animals. | ||
| Not all of them. | ||
| I mean, some of them. | ||
| Is it mostly dudes? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| There's women in it, too. | ||
| There's varying degrees of depth to how far you go into this thing. | ||
| How ugly are the shits? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You can't see. | ||
| You can't see. | ||
| They're wearing this fucking crazy outfit. | ||
| The whole time? | ||
| Yeah, you don't know what their bodies look like, man. | ||
| They don't talk, so you don't know. | ||
| You just know she's wearing a girl's outfit, so you assume it's a girl. | ||
| And they have sex with their outfits on. | ||
| And they have the opening in their crotch. | ||
| They undo it, a Velcro or a zipper or whatever the fuck they do. | ||
| Whip their shit out and just bang each other right there with their outfits on. | ||
| They fuck all the time. | ||
| They fuck crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| My girlfriend's actually, before I even heard about this, my girlfriend's been actually recently trying to get me to go to a furry party, and she's like, you know, we won't have to have sex with anybody else, and no one will know who you are, and we can just fuck. | ||
| It's like an orgy by a bunch of furries. | ||
| Your girlfriend wants you to bang her in front of a bunch of other freaks that aren't showering, and they're shitting in litter boxes, and they're wearing... | ||
| And she's just for the experience. | ||
| And part of me almost would do it because no one would know who you are, you know, and stuff like that. | ||
| And you see all these other... | ||
| But I think just seeing a bunch of people fucking in costumes like that would be worth it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They stink so bad. | ||
| Some of them wear diapers too. | ||
| That's the other guy at the counter at the hotel was saying that it's a real horror show. | ||
| Excuse me, a real horror show for the maids. | ||
| The poor maids go in there after these freaks have left. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| These litter boxes and bowls of milk everywhere. | ||
| They order bowls of milk from the hotel and they have them bring it up in a giant bowl and they drink it out of a bowl like a dog. | ||
| I'd be a bunny. | ||
| Yeah, I would be a bunny. | ||
| You're into rabbits all of a sudden. | ||
| No, I'd be a cat. | ||
| Eddie looks into my backyard and he sees this rabbit running around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, oh my god, look, it's a bunny. | |
| You got a bunny. | ||
| And he runs and chases it. | ||
| And you're like, oh, he's so sweet. | ||
| I love bunnies, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love them. | |
| That's so funny. | ||
| People would think that that's a joke. | ||
| No, that's for real, man. | ||
| Do you think you could kill a bunny to eat it? | ||
| Of course you could. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| If I was starving, maybe. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I don't even like those people who say rabbit stew jokes and all that shit. | ||
| I don't think that's funny. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You really have that much of an affection for rabbits? | ||
| Man, that's a little loving creature, man. | ||
| I mean, we have a relationship going on. | ||
| And man, I love that fucking thing, man. | ||
| I love rabbits. | ||
| They look so cute. | ||
| They're so fucking beautiful. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| They don't meow. | ||
| They don't bark. | ||
| They don't make any noise. | ||
| And they love massages, man. | ||
| Who doesn't love massages? | ||
| But cats love massages, and they ask for it. | ||
| They're more flamboyant in the way they ask for it. | ||
| I have two cats. | ||
| I pet them for 30 seconds to a minute. | ||
| They're gone. | ||
| They don't want to massage no more. | ||
| Not the bunny. | ||
| He's willing to go all night. | ||
| I could pet him. | ||
| He ain't going nowhere. | ||
| You know my cat, Spaz. | ||
| You could pet that cat for 100 days in a row. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Not my cat. | ||
| I pet him for 30 It's on how they're raised. | ||
| If they're raised with people all the time, like my cat's been with me since she was a kitten. | ||
| So from the time she was little, it's all like, meow meow, what's up meow meow? | ||
| And pets, and every day it's affection. | ||
| So she associates people with affection. | ||
| But if you're around a cat and you just go to work all day and you barely pay attention to that fucking cat, then the cat's like, yeah, you can pet me. | ||
| Eh, I'm done with you. | ||
| I got other shit to do. | ||
| It's all how the cat grows up. | ||
| Bunnies are so cute that even their poop is cute. | ||
| But the problem is that... | ||
| It doesn't stink. | ||
| You know, that was on Fear Factor. | ||
| We were trying to get people to eat bunny poop. | ||
| That was one of the things rejected by the network. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| I would eat it. | ||
| They would say drink your own piss, too. | ||
| That was another one the network rejected. | ||
| Rabbit shit don't stink, for real. | ||
| You would eat it? | ||
| I would totally eat it. | ||
| Nonfat milk. | ||
| My ex-girlfriend had a bunny, and the one thing I did notice, the negative part, was that there was bunny shit everywhere. | ||
| Like little rabbit turds everywhere. | ||
| You pick them up with your hand, they're like raisins. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| How weird. | ||
| I love that motherfucker. | ||
| I have a whole room dedicated to him. | ||
| You have a room in your house dedicated to your rabbit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all him. | |
| He's got a whole room. | ||
| He doesn't even know he's captured. | ||
| I leave the gate open, because the gate goes around the whole room because we can't let him chew the baseboard. | ||
| So it's a room, but there's a gate all the way around in the room. | ||
| And we leave the gate open. | ||
| He doesn't want to leave. | ||
| He hates leaving that motherfucker. | ||
| I got a castle for him. | ||
| I got a UFO for him. | ||
| I got his pod. | ||
| I built tunnels for him. | ||
| You would make a great dad, dude. | ||
| You don't even know. | ||
| The love that you have for this bunny is pretty fun. | ||
| It's interesting to see. | ||
| The love that you would have for a kid would really freak you the fuck out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, for sure. | |
| You'd be like, fuck that bunny. | ||
| Yeah, you would. | ||
| Yeah, you would. | ||
| Those animals take a quick backseat, dear. | ||
| Every woman says that when she has a kid. | ||
| You know, I almost had... | ||
| I thought I had a kid for a few months. | ||
| You know, and that kid, he's 15 now. | ||
| And, um... | ||
| I don't even want to talk about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Just opened up the door and closed it on people. | ||
| Did you meet him at a bar or, like... | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| No. | ||
| Actually, look, what happened is an ex-girlfriend of mine when I was 26, she got pregnant. | ||
| I thought her new boyfriend got her pregnant, but there was a kind of gray area when she got pregnant. | ||
| I was like, hmm, I think maybe it could be mine. | ||
| She had a baby. | ||
| Her sister calls me up and says, hey, Moretta had the baby. | ||
| You should come down and check it out. | ||
| This could be yours. | ||
| I'm like, mine? | ||
| She goes, it looks kind of Mexican. | ||
| Her whole family thought it looked Mexican. | ||
| So I came down and I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| I have a son. | ||
| I totally didn't want it. | ||
| I had broken up with her like, oh, it was around nine, ten months ago, or maybe longer. | ||
| And I didn't want to have anything to do with her. | ||
| I mean, we were done. | ||
| I had a new girlfriend. | ||
| I was moving on, and now this kid could be mine. | ||
| I went to the hospital, looked at the kid, and all babies looked the same to me. | ||
| I'm like, you guys think it looks Mexican? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They go, yes. | ||
| Look, look at his face. | ||
| I'm like, he looks like me? | ||
| So I go, let's take a DNA test then. | ||
| But you had to wait three months before you could pull the amount of blood that you need to take the test. | ||
| So I had to wait three months. | ||
| So I broke up with the girl that I was with. | ||
| And I said, this is my son. | ||
| I want to be around for the first three months. | ||
| So I'm going to treat him like my son. | ||
| So for three months, he was my son. | ||
| And by the third month, when we were almost ready to take the test, I wanted him to be mine so bad. | ||
| I'm like, man, I got a son. | ||
| It's three months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's do this! | |
| Like, I was ready to do it! | ||
| Let's go! | ||
| And then it turned out, obviously, that he wasn't mine, and I stuck around for a while, and then me and the girlfriend broke up a couple times, and we would separate and come back and see him, because I was in love with him. | ||
| But it was like a six-month stretch when I came back. | ||
| And he was around two after we'd break up. | ||
| He was around two. | ||
| And when I got to the house, he looked at me and he didn't recognize me. | ||
| He wasn't sure. | ||
| And his mom was like, look, he's the one who took you to the zoo. | ||
| And we're looking at the zoo pictures. | ||
| And he's like looking at the zoo pictures and then looking at me. | ||
| And he's like, maybe like, you know, a year and a half. | ||
| And that look right there. | ||
| I'm like, man, I got to bolt now. | ||
| Yeah, now's the time to do it. | ||
| He doesn't even know who I am anymore. | ||
| I love this little kid. | ||
| And he doesn't even know who I am. | ||
| I'm gone. | ||
| This was the guy in the picture? | ||
| No, he was in jail. | ||
| Yeah, that guy was in jail. | ||
| So anyways, long story short, of course I think about him every now and then. | ||
| I'm like, you know, I was in love with that kid. | ||
| I would have definitely... | ||
| He's 15 now? | ||
| He's 15 now. | ||
| So teach him jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I found him on Facebook and I went through all the names that it could be. | ||
| I went through a bunch of guys and sent them messages. | ||
| I was like, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to look for this guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So I found him. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| So I thought, you know, we went back and forth a little bit on Facebook and Did you tell him the story? | ||
| No. | ||
| We never talked about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| So he doesn't know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| His mom's remarried. | ||
| They got a little happy family going, I don't want to cause any problems or anything like that. | ||
| I just wanted to touch base. | ||
| And he lives like five or six hours away, up north. | ||
| And I... I got a hold of the nearest jiu-jitsu school around where he lives and I said, man, are you interested in taking jiu-jitsu? | ||
| It's a Paragon. | ||
| It's a Jeff Glover from Paragon. | ||
| It's a Paragon affiliate. | ||
| Got a hold of the guy. | ||
| I said, you know... | ||
| I told everyone he's my nephew. | ||
| I didn't really want to get into details. | ||
| It doesn't really matter. | ||
| He's not my nephew, but I thought he was my son for a while. | ||
| I thought, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to get him into jujitsu. | ||
| He's all into it, man. | ||
| He's obsessed. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, he's all obsessed with it. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| Wow, what a crazy story. | ||
| That's really cool, man. | ||
| Did you ever think what would happen if you decided to just stick around with that little dude? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Because at that point, within those first three months, that was my boy. | ||
| I treated him like, you know, he was my son. | ||
| He could be my son, I thought he could be. | ||
| Deep down, I was thinking, I mean, everyone's saying he looks like me. | ||
| I don't think he looks like me. | ||
| Everyone's saying he looks Mexican. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| He's so white now. | ||
| You know, I didn't even know Eddie was Mexican. | ||
| I thought he was fucking with me for like the first two years. | ||
| Because at the comedy store, you were like, I'm half Mexican. | ||
| I'm like, no, you're not. | ||
| I'm full Mexican. | ||
| Or you said something like that to me. | ||
| He used to say he was half... | ||
| Yeah, you said something else. | ||
| Half Japanese and half Eskimo was a famous one. | ||
| Maybe he said half Japanese, half Mexican or something. | ||
| Yeah, I used to say that when I was a teenager, just... | ||
| Because I was an idiot. | ||
| And I wanted to see who would believe it. | ||
| And I'm like, wow, people believe anything. | ||
| Dude, you used to do that with a lot of things. | ||
| You used to tell people crazy stories and see how far you could go with it. | ||
| Man, it still happens. | ||
| I mean, the whole... | ||
| Don't lie! | ||
| The whole... | ||
| Why do you get into doing that? | ||
| Man... | ||
| Do you have a hard time not doing that? | ||
| If you look at Quatu, and then you look at what we did on the Joe show, like with the 10-foot screws... | ||
| The band, yeah. | ||
| The 10-foot screws. | ||
| Let me tell people that if you don't know. | ||
| Let me tell you what we did. | ||
| We were in Denver, and I was doing stand-up, and Eddie and Tate and Brian and Duncan, we were all hanging out, and we were walking... | ||
| And we went through this little shopping area. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| The 6th Street Mall? | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Whatever the mall is? | ||
| Whatever street it is? | ||
| Anyway, we're going to this downtown shopping area and we see a wig store. | ||
| 2005. 2005, wasn't it? | ||
| And just as a goof, we decided to go in this wig store. | ||
| And then, first of all, we were high as fuck. | ||
| And somewhere in this wig store, we came up with the idea of having a fake band and that you guys were all going to wear these wigs. | ||
| Everyone bought wigs. | ||
| Tate had this crazy afro wig and you had this crazy wig and everyone decided that we were going to play a band called Ten Foot Screws. | ||
| And we even announced the band Like, as having an after party in town. | ||
| So people thought that it was like a real band. | ||
| And Eddie goes on stage. | ||
| I get off stage. | ||
| The show's over. | ||
| Eddie goes on stage with his fucking wig on and sunglasses. | ||
| We have video of it still, right? | ||
| Yeah, there was a whole show. | ||
| The Joe Show episode. | ||
| Which episode is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seven. | |
| Seven? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How do people find that one? | ||
| Just type in JoeShow7. | ||
| Actually, all the episodes were on your website, but since you moved the servers now, everything's kind of weird. | ||
| We're probably getting too much bandwidth. | ||
| Well, the premise of it was Joe wanted to put together a reality show based on him going to all these clubs across the nation and his posse. | ||
| And me, Tate, Brian, Duncan, Ari... | ||
| Even Larry back then, we were all... | ||
| Larry's our producer, what do you think? | ||
| Yeah, we were all in this... | ||
| He was the producer. | ||
| That's what Joe's show was. | ||
| It was an actual reality show. | ||
| He's the origin of the word powerful. | ||
| When you hear me say powerful, it's all because there's one dude, our friend Larry. | ||
| So the show was called The Joe Show. | ||
| You had it on your website. | ||
| We did about 11 or 12 episodes or something. | ||
| And episode seven, we were in Denver. | ||
| We were trying to come up with a premise... | ||
| And then it was all about, we just formed a band. | ||
| So Joe's on stage, and the way we sold it was, Duncan would get on stage and would say, who's going to the 10 Foot Screws show tonight? | ||
| That's what we're called, 10 Foot Screws. | ||
| And that was Brian's idea. | ||
| So Duncan was getting everybody in the audience used to the fact that we got 10-foot screws backstage and they're playing a big show at the Holodome next to the El Pollo Loco. | ||
| 6th Street and El Pollo Loco. | ||
| So people were like, oh shit, there's a concert tonight. | ||
| I didn't know about this. | ||
| 10-foot screws, are they big? | ||
| So then, was Ari there too? | ||
| Ari wasn't there. | ||
| So Duncan was selling it. | ||
| Like he was like the host and he was selling it. | ||
| We got 10 foot screws tomorrow. | ||
| We're going to give away some tickets. | ||
| So I got a stack of half off drinks on Tuesday nights. | ||
| I got two stacks of them. | ||
| And Duncan introduced me. | ||
| I was the lead singer. | ||
| I was the total douchebag lead singer. | ||
| I was like just basically playing the singer of Oasis. | ||
| But backstage. | ||
| So... | ||
| I got up on stage and said, who wants these tickets to the show tomorrow backstage? | ||
| They were going nuts. | ||
| So like Paul Stanley, I divided the crowd to one side. | ||
| And I said, just like Paul Stanley, I go, okay, this side. | ||
| Let me hear the noise. | ||
| I go, one, two. | ||
| Let me hear the noise! | ||
| And then I stopped him. | ||
| And I go, this side. | ||
| It was just a total Paul Stanley 1985 ripoff. | ||
| Most bands do it. | ||
| Dude, find that. | ||
| Find that and cue it up. | ||
| Just that part of it. | ||
| Because it was so ridiculous. | ||
| When I threw those tickets into the audience... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dudes were flying headfirst over tables. | |
| They were scrambling only to find that they were Tuesday night half-off drinks. | ||
| And you're some crazy man wearing a wig for a band that doesn't exist. | ||
| Yeah, so when the concert let out, people had to walk by backstage. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| The club was set up weird. | ||
| They were walking out next to backstage. | ||
| So we had the door open and dudes were walking by going, where's that band? | ||
| So we grabbed one dude, and we pulled in maybe three dudes, and we pulled them, closed the door. | ||
| Now they're backstage with 10-foot screws. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And me and Tate are just total douchebags. | |
| We're total douchebags. | ||
| You remember those fucking questions, you guys? | ||
| Now that I'm thinking about it. | ||
| It was a great shot. | ||
| The guy who got down on his knees? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You remember that? | ||
| He was just down to do whatever to hang out with the band. | ||
| He thought we were a real band, so we got him to do crazy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He just wanted to hang out with the band, so we're going to have to get on your knees. | ||
| Okay, you're going to have to pray for us. | ||
| Pray with us. | ||
| Like, you know, bands sometimes pray before they go out. | ||
| Thank you, Jesus. | ||
| And he would repeat, thank you, Jesus. | ||
| And you said, for this dick, I'm about to suck. | ||
| And then he jumped up and ran away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You remember? | |
| And then Tate was like six foot four. | ||
| He was so intimidated the guy didn't want to like fire back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because Tate's sitting there looking like a monster, you know? | ||
| He was scared. | ||
| And then we got girls back there. | ||
| He probably thought that you were about to try to get him to suck your dick. | ||
| Like he really probably thought that. | ||
| I mean, you think about it. | ||
| You're some fucking wacko living in Colorado, you know? | ||
| Some dude who's willing to go to some green room for some band that he doesn't even know, never heard of before. | ||
| Some band that doesn't even exist. | ||
| He's on his knees praying back and forth with you. | ||
| In his head, when you said that for this dick I'm about to suck, he probably thought, oh, I fucked up. | ||
| I done fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll do it, but damn, I'm not going to like it. | |
| That was a great episode too. | ||
| And then the other good episode was when we were in Boston. | ||
| Remember in Boston? | ||
| And Ari and Duncan, they both sold to the audience. | ||
| They opened up and they said, backstage we're auditioning for the Joe Rogan live story that they're going to film. | ||
| And we're looking for guys to play Joe Rogan. | ||
| We want authentic guys from Boston. | ||
| So the guys in the audience are thinking, oh shit, they're auditioning to play Joe Rogan? | ||
| I think I can do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can do it, honey. | |
| You can do it. | ||
| So people lined up, and we had a fake audition. | ||
| Like, I'm this badass. | ||
| You probably shouldn't talk about this, because I think what you did was illegal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm pretty sure what you did is totally illegal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry. | |
| Yeah, we probably... | ||
| This didn't really happen. | ||
| We deny this. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| This is all in another dimension. | ||
| We deny this. | ||
| We deny this. | ||
| In a parallel universe. | ||
| Eddie Bravo does not seek to get sued at this moment in time. | ||
| This is all fiction. | ||
| Duncan was the director. | ||
| He killed it. | ||
| Never happened. | ||
| It never happened. | ||
| This didn't take place. | ||
| You can't be saying it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| Did you just fart? | ||
| I think probably. | ||
| You just farted. | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| I know, I smell it too. | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| Man, we need some air conditioning up in this mud. | ||
| Did you fart? | ||
| You wouldn't do that, would you? | ||
| That's an Eddie fart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would never do that. | |
| Listen, this is not helping the podcast at all. | ||
| Not one moment. | ||
| Show Show 7 is unfoundable. | ||
| Unfoundable? | ||
| Well, we have it somewhere, right? | ||
| Did you Google it somewhere? | ||
| Yeah, it's not even on Google anymore. | ||
| The location it was on, it was on your website. | ||
| But do you have the raw video still? | ||
| I'm sure I do on backups. | ||
| Listen, son. | ||
| You might not have it. | ||
| You may have lost that. | ||
| Is there a chance that you've lost that forever? | ||
| Oh, that's a yes. | ||
| Brian, how sad are you? | ||
| I really doubt it. | ||
| Well, I really doubt it. | ||
| I've had a hard drive die on me recently. | ||
| We need to find that, man, because that was a classic. | ||
| For sure somebody saved it. | ||
| There's got to be someone out there that saved it. | ||
| I'm 100% sure I have it, but it's just finding it. | ||
| Those things don't make me laugh anymore. | ||
| Those tricking people things, like jackass type things. | ||
| I shouldn't say jackass, like punked type things. | ||
| They don't make me laugh anymore. | ||
| They used to make me laugh. | ||
| I used to think, oh, this guy's getting fucked over. | ||
| Remember the Jamie Kennedy experiment? | ||
| I thought that show was hilarious. | ||
| Guys Gone Nuts used to make me laugh. | ||
| But now I don't want to watch that stuff. | ||
| I don't want to watch people get lied to. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I became a pussy. | ||
| I became super sensitive. | ||
| I don't like watching that. | ||
| Like, you know, you're taking advantage of somebody for entertainment. | ||
| It's not entertaining. | ||
| I like my Pooh Berry Fleshlight joke. | ||
| That gets me every time somebody does that. | ||
| Pooh Berry Fleshlight? | ||
| Yeah, I told you this. | ||
| I have a fleshlight at my house, and then this guy gave me this thing called Liquid Ass. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Pour it in the Pooh Berry. | ||
| You make people smell your fucking Pooh Berry Fleshlight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't make it. | |
| I'm just like, hey, you should try out the new Pooh Berry Fleshlight. | ||
| It smells like blueberries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's not that funny. | ||
| It is funny when you see him do it, though. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| I've seen it on video. | ||
| You think in real life it's funnier? | ||
| Just because you get to watch the real sick... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It makes me giggle. | ||
| Seeing somebody's face when they're smelling poop just makes me giggle. | ||
| It used to make me laugh. | ||
| That kind of shit used to make me laugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like farts. | |
| It doesn't make me laugh as much anymore. | ||
| The premise has got to be good. | ||
| If there's a good premise, you can't just... | ||
| It's got to be deep and good. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| The best one recently is Teab, you know, Jason Tebow, his girlfriend Danielle. | ||
| She never did it, so she opened it up and she smelled it. | ||
| She's like, oh, it smells like a homeless person's underwear or something like that. | ||
| And then I'm like, put your finger in it. | ||
| And I had just poured a new fresh thing of liquid acid inside of it. | ||
| So she puts her finger and it gets all over her hand and her whole hand smelled like poop. | ||
| You're 12 years old. | ||
| This guy's 36 years old. | ||
| Can you believe that? | ||
| He's a 36-year-old, 12-year-old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| Let me see your ID. I don't blame you. | ||
| He is. | ||
| I'm not lying to you. | ||
| This motherfucker's going to be dressing up like Winnie the Pooh next week, banging his girlfriend in a room full of strangers. | ||
| She's going to be dressed up like a little fox. | ||
| Now, would you admit, though, that that's going to be interesting to see? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Listen, I would go. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| Especially if, you know, I knew for sure that the crotch and the ass of my thing was zipped up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Nobody could get at me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I would go. | ||
| I would just think they'd be crazy, though, man. | ||
| I think they just do shit to each other, and they just, like, it could get, like, really uncomfortable. | ||
| I think some of them are probably pretty normal, but I think whenever you get an opportunity to completely pretend to be somebody else, you get to dress up in some outfit, you don't even talk, everyone agrees to not talk, you get to see how wacky some minds are. | ||
| Some people's brains are fucking fried. | ||
| And you kind of put yourself at the mercy of being around those people without being able to filter them socially. | ||
| If we're all sitting around talking, after five, ten minutes we all kind of figure out where each other's vibe's coming from. | ||
| We might do something that surprises us, you know, if you find out someone's a little weirder than you thought. | ||
| But for the most part, you get a kind of vibe. | ||
| And some people get a vibe immediately. | ||
| Okay, I don't want to talk to that guy. | ||
| Well, when that guy's dressed up like Wile E. Coyote, you don't ever get that vibe. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to have that one Wile E. Coyote guy walking around, creeping everybody out. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Maybe that's what excites him. | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| I bet a lot of them... | ||
| Look, I think that would be a great thing for a serial killer. | ||
| A great thing for a serial killer would be go and hang around with a bunch of other people that are dressing up like this fucking weirdo outfit, you know, this weirdo animal thing, and you could wear one of those weirdo animal things and just infiltrate them and then hang out with them in a way that other people are never willing to hang out with you. | ||
| The bunny serial killer. | ||
| I would assume that most serial killers, if you were around them, you'd be tripped out by them. | ||
| Most of them, you would get a weird vibe from them. | ||
| Most of them, right? | ||
| Wouldn't you assume? | ||
| I mean, do you think that serial killers would be able to just sneak on by you, or do you think you would get a weird vibe from them? | ||
| I think I would definitely be able to get a weird vibe from somebody, but of course I have no idea. | ||
| You have no idea, right? | ||
| It's all speculation. | ||
| Especially if you have a lot of friends. | ||
| The more friends you have and the more people you come in contact with, You can spot those in a second. | ||
| Like people that look at IDs all the time, you can spot them fake ones. | ||
| You just see good ones all day, and you see this one's different. | ||
| This one's different and it's not the same. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| If you have a bunch of different friends and you run a bunch of people, and if you're honest, that to me I think is the big one. | ||
| If you're a real honest person and you're honest in the way you communicate with people, you pick up deceptive behavior very quickly because it just seems off. | ||
| You have your guard down. | ||
| You're relaxed. | ||
| You're open. | ||
| And then you see something that's just not quite real. | ||
| There's something about what you're saying that seems like bullshit. | ||
| I think psychedelics also helps that sense too because you actually see the person's inner soul at certain points in doing psychedelics where you can see their energy in the world. | ||
| And ever since you see that, or feel that feeling, I think you kind of have that feeling in the back of your head. | ||
| Do you ever go to the movies when you're high? | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| You know how when you can tell that they're acting bad? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I saw the Hulk, the Eric Bana Hulk. | ||
| And Eric Bana's a great actor, don't get me wrong. | ||
| He's in that movie Chopper. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker in that movie. | ||
| But in the Hulk, there were some scenes where, He didn't really have much to do, and it didn't seem like he was the most focused. | ||
| There's a few scenes where him and this chick are talking, and I'm listening to the two of them talking, and I'm like, this is so not real. | ||
| I remember in the movie theater going, this is some of the worst acting ever. | ||
| This is so fake. | ||
| It seems like you're not committed to what you're saying. | ||
| You're not thinking about what you're saying. | ||
| But it's because of the weed. | ||
| That weed just lets you tune into it. | ||
| But it's that way with the conversation, too. | ||
| You've been high before when you feel like someone's lying to you. | ||
| And it feels like even more so. | ||
| It's even more shocking and weird. | ||
| If you're vulnerable and you're a little high, maybe you had a little touch of paranoia, and then you realize that someone's lying to you. | ||
| It just feels fucking gross. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Eddie's thinking about bunnies right now. | ||
| I'm thinking about, I don't know how to break this to you though, but these are fake, bro. | ||
| Dude, I got it from Amazon.com. | ||
| It's guaranteed. | ||
| It's legit. | ||
|
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|
What are the worst conspiracy theories ever? | |
| Crystal skull? | ||
| Or Bigfoot? | ||
| Oh no, Bigfoot's not a bad one, man. | ||
| You know, there's an Animal Channel show right now. | ||
| It's like Finding Bigfoot or something like that on the animal planet? | ||
| I've seen the commercials. | ||
| Because of one video. | ||
| I was in Spokane this past weekend, and as we're landing in the Spokane airport, you're looking at all the forest and the pine trees. | ||
| And I started thinking about Sasquatch. | ||
| I'm going to ask the guys at my seminar what they think. | ||
| So in the beginning of the seminar, I go, by show of hands, who believes in Sasquatch? | ||
| This is the kind of jiu-jitsu school that Eddie's running. | ||
| This is how he starts off his fucking seminar. | ||
| I wanted to know this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Nobody raised their hand, so I'm like, shit, none of you guys believe in Sasquatches? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| So I'm thinking right there, okay, if these people live here in Spokane, small city, in the woods, if they don't believe it, then a couple guys start going, well, you know, you never know because of this and because of that. | ||
| And I go, wait a minute. | ||
| So you're saying you kind of believe it. | ||
| And I go, okay. | ||
| By showing hands, who thinks that maybe they exist? | ||
| They all raise their hands. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| They all... | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| They just didn't want to raise their hands initially because they didn't want... | ||
| You know, they were probably ridiculed in school. | ||
| Well, here's some weird... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You believe in Bigfoot? | |
| Here's some weird facts. | ||
| First of all, there's 250 different Native American names for Sasquatch. | ||
| 250 different names for this big, hairy man that lives in the woods. | ||
| And the primary, the big predominant, you know, group of sightings is in the Pacific Northwest. | ||
| Do you think if they had the internet back then, it would only be one name, right? | ||
| You know, it's just 250 people talked about it and they all made up their own name. | ||
| Well, no, they had a bunch of different languages too. | ||
| I like soft squash the best. | ||
| That's the Indian name, right? | ||
| Sasquatch? | ||
| I like Henry. | ||
| The reason why it's interesting is because so many different names exist for it. | ||
| There's no other mythical creatures in the Native American... | ||
| I don't think they have a mythology. | ||
| That has like, maybe different Indians do, and some of them do and some don't, but for the most part, I don't think it's like, you know, the Greeks had all these fake gods and all these different, you know, Griffins and all these different things that they had created. | ||
| There was obviously a lot of fiction going on. | ||
| I don't think there's that much fiction in the Native American folklore. | ||
| So when there's all these different names for this one animal, it makes you go, hmm, maybe there was a thing like that at one point in time. | ||
| And then there's so many fucking sightings of these things. | ||
| And that makes you go, hmm, maybe. | ||
| Well, what the fuck would it be? | ||
| How could there be an ape that no one's ever heard of? | ||
| Then you find out that it's not an ape that no one's ever heard of. | ||
| There actually was an eight-foot-tall, erect, giant ape called Gigantopithecus that actually lived in Asia. | ||
| And lived in Asia as recently as 100,000 years ago. | ||
| And they think that this thing may have come down the Bering Strait along with Native Americans. | ||
| When people first came to America, 10,000 years ago, half of North America was under a mile-high sheet of ice. | ||
| So there was a connection, actually, between us and Russia and Asia. | ||
| And animals would come across that connection, the Bering Strait. | ||
| And that's how people supposedly got here. | ||
| And they think that it's very possible that at one point in time, this now extinct animal that they know exists made that trip as well. | ||
| This animal, they say it definitely exists. | ||
| It wasn't just like a really tall person? | ||
| No, it's called Gigantopithecus. | ||
| They found this thing because they found an... | ||
| An extraordinarily large tooth in one of these Chinese markets somewhere. | ||
| And it was a tooth that they knew was a primate tooth, but it was so large they couldn't believe that it was a human's. | ||
| And so they tried to figure out what it was. | ||
| Early man, what the fuck it was. | ||
| And then they found some other bones and then eventually discovered that there was an actual animal called Gigantopithecus. | ||
| So what about the argument that you don't find bones or... | ||
| You don't find bears either, man. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| You don't find dead bears. | ||
| Who eats the bones? | ||
| If there's a small population of them, and one of them died, things that die, there's a time-lapse video of Africa, which is obviously much more predatory than the Pacific Northwest. | ||
| But in this time-lapse video of Africa, an elephant dies, and these hyenas start tearing this elephant apart. | ||
| And even some lions actually scavenged a little bit. | ||
| The thing's gone in three days. | ||
| In 72 hours, it's gone. | ||
| There's nothing. | ||
| Nothing exists. | ||
| And it's a fucking elephant! | ||
| Who's eating the bones? | ||
| Everything. | ||
| They're all just chewing everything up. | ||
| They all just take things away. | ||
| The hyenas smash bones. | ||
| Hyenas, they have some of the most powerful bites in the animal kingdom. | ||
| And the reason why is because they're scavengers. | ||
| They smash bones and bite off chunks of meat from the bones. | ||
| Hyenas are just ruthless cunts. | ||
| They're the fucking total cunts of the animal kingdom. | ||
| They're just mean, vicious, fucking horrible animals that screech and laugh. | ||
| And the females are larger than the males. | ||
| The reason being is because the males are so evil, they eat their babies all the time. | ||
| So to keep the males from eating the babies, the females have to be larger than the males. | ||
| And the females have a fake dick. | ||
| They have a giant faux penis. | ||
| And they mount the males and dominate them with this fake dick. | ||
| It's a giant, like, arm hanging from between their legs. | ||
| It's the creepiest shit you've ever seen. | ||
| This giant female, who's bigger than the male, humps the male, and dominates him. | ||
| It's a matriarchal society. | ||
| I want a fake dick. | ||
| You got a real one, though, Brian. | ||
| I want two. | ||
| If you look up Gigantopithecus, though, they have skulls in this thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's interesting. | |
| I didn't even know about that. | ||
| I thought it was just like a caveman. | ||
| Well, you know, they don't have a full skull. | ||
| But they have enough that they piece together what it would look like. | ||
| They have bones and various parts of jaws. | ||
| Why no video? | ||
| They don't exist anymore. | ||
| They probably don't exist anymore. | ||
| But they probably did exist maybe even just a few hundred years ago. | ||
| And they probably died off. | ||
| Or there might be a few of them out there. | ||
| It's really possible. | ||
| The thing if you went to Spokane, you know that as you fly over that Pacific Northwest, it really occurs to you how fucking dense that shit is. | ||
| There is so much forest up there. | ||
| It's hard for you to wrap your head around. | ||
| It's hard for you to wrap your head around... | ||
| Over an hour of flying through the air and it's still forest. | ||
| And that's what it is up there. | ||
| I mean, it's some dense, dense shit. | ||
| So if you think that they've absolutely done a survey and an account of everything that lives in that forest, you're crazy. | ||
| There's no way they have. | ||
| They just killed a fucking jaguar, or a panther, rather, in Connecticut. | ||
| They thought that there was no panthers on the East Coast for a long time. | ||
| The last one, I believe they killed in New Hampshire... | ||
| In like the 1800s, you know, when the settlers first came to the East Coast, they eradicated most of the mountain lions. | ||
| But they just killed one in Connecticut, a 140-pounder. | ||
| And they saw, there was a spotting of one in New York, 20 miles away from that. | ||
| Could have been the same panther, because they're known to travel like 100 miles in a day sometimes. | ||
| So it could have been the same panther that went 20 miles away. | ||
| But they don't know where this thing came from. | ||
| It could have been a pet. | ||
| It could have been a pet. | ||
| But it also could have been something that was living in the fucking woods. | ||
| It's really possible. | ||
| They did used to exist. | ||
| They're so hard to find, man. | ||
| You know, I saw one when I lived in Colorado, but... | ||
| It's fairly rare to see one. | ||
| I've talked to people who lived in Colorado for years and never saw one. | ||
| But there's plenty of people that have. | ||
| But they've got a documented population of thousands of mountain lions up there. | ||
| It's not like they're scarce. | ||
| They're just kind of crafty. | ||
| They're crafty animals. | ||
| And that's way more populated than the Pacific Northwest. | ||
| If you're living in a place like Spokane or any of those areas where they have those Sasquatch sightings, it's always like Northern California. | ||
| It's always like the rainforest, man. | ||
| There's some fucking sounds that these guys have recorded. | ||
| And it could be hoaxes, but people who have studied these sounds, like primatologists have studied these sounds, they said they're primate in nature. | ||
| You know, they don't know what the fuck it is, but these guys are camping out in the woods and they hear these screams and these screeches in the night. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| The thing that has me curious is that there's an actual animal. | ||
| And there's pictures of this thing. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is Gigantopithecus. | ||
| I mean, look at it. | ||
| It's a goddamn Bigfoot, man. | ||
| I mean, the real animal is a Bigfoot. | ||
| It's an animal that absolutely existed. | ||
| That hoax was based off of, probably. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| It could be, man. | ||
| It could very well be a hoax, for sure. | ||
| Or, it could be there's a big fucking ape out there. | ||
| But the thing is, if it did exist, bro, here's the thing. | ||
| If that fucking thing existed, it would be in a cage right next to the gorilla at the zoo and nobody would give a fuck. | ||
| It's because it's a mystery that's so intoxicating to people. | ||
| We have this weird thing where we want things that are secret. | ||
| We want things that we don't know yet. | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| Is it real? | ||
| Is it real? | ||
| And we want to uncover these fucking secrets, this deep desire to do that more than to accumulate knowledge. | ||
| Like, people have a much, much stronger desire to find secrets like ghosts or something retarded like that. | ||
| Like, who the fuck cares? | ||
| Ghosts have never killed anybody. | ||
| You know, you don't get anything from ghosts. | ||
| You know, you can't record them on film. | ||
| Everybody that sees them, they all sound like they're full of shit. | ||
| You know, you really believe in ghosts, man? | ||
| You're going to dedicate your time to ghosts? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seriously. | |
| But what I was going to say is, when there's all this shit out there that is real and it's Fascinating. | ||
| Some incredible shit they're discovering. | ||
| You know, they believe that there may be small black holes traveling through our galaxy and that can pass right through the sun. | ||
| They can go through the sun. | ||
| And we wouldn't even notice it. | ||
| We would see a little blip. | ||
| A little blip out there. | ||
| And they would just pass right through the sun. | ||
| They'd know that there's a fucking RV-sized asteroid that just whizzed by our planet just the other day. | ||
| Just yesterday, I think it was. | ||
| Like, really close. | ||
| Between us and the moon. | ||
| Ah! | ||
| It went fucking flying by in the same orbit, the same place as satellites are. | ||
| That's how close it was. | ||
| It's RV-sized. | ||
| I mean, you know, that's pretty small as far as asteroids go. | ||
| But if it hit, if it hit a city or something like that... | ||
| Yeah, but that would have gone through our whatever ship. | ||
| Atmosphere? | ||
| Yeah, atmosphere and burned out. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Depends on what it's made out of. | ||
| They don't all burn out. | ||
| The really scary ones are the ones that are made out of iron. | ||
| There's some that are made... | ||
| I mean, comets, when you see the trail of a comet, that's because it's mostly ice. | ||
| That's water. | ||
| There's so much fucking water in comets. | ||
| That trail is actually the water vapor coming off this giant fucking hunk of ice. | ||
| Those are not nearly as terrifying as the ones that are all iron. | ||
| The ones that are all water and all sorts of other shit, as they're getting close, a lot of it's going to go away. | ||
| But even when it blows up in the atmosphere, even when it erodes in the atmosphere, sometimes it still produces insane damage, man. | ||
| Like there's an area of the Soviet Union that was hit by a meteor in, I think it was the turn of the century, and it's called Tunguska. | ||
| That's the area. | ||
| And there's photos of just flattened miles and miles of trees. | ||
| I mean, it just is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| Like, it got hit by a nuclear bomb, man. | ||
| And there was no actual asteroid. | ||
| By the time it got to Earth, it had been eaten up by the atmosphere. | ||
| Those fucking things are terrifying, man. | ||
| I want to know if a ghost kills a ghost, then you die and you're on the same level as the ghost. | ||
| Can you then kill that ghost and he goes into another ghost level? | ||
| You mean if a ghost kills a person and you become a ghost? | ||
| Can you kick that ghost's ass for killing you? | ||
| Yeah, and then you kill the ghost in the ghost world. | ||
| You can't kill ghosts, though. | ||
| Has a ghost never died in a movie? | ||
| That's the thing about ghosts that's so scary. | ||
| You can get rid of them if you have a good priest. | ||
| A good priest who loves his mother. | ||
| But if you don't have that, the fuck, man? | ||
| You can't kill them. | ||
| You have to be able to kill a ghost in a ghost level because then there has to be a third ghost thing. | ||
| Bullets go right through them, dude. | ||
| You can't kill them, bro. | ||
| That ghost level would be really crowded then. | ||
| The thing about ghosts is that they have to trick you when they're dying. | ||
| You have to get scared and fall down flights of stairs and shit. | ||
| You have to get scared and back up into an open elevator shaft. | ||
| That's how ghosts kill you. | ||
| They can't really do shit. | ||
| They're just bluffers. | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| Ghost Hunters is a real TV show. | ||
| One? | ||
| One? | ||
| There's like a bunch of them, man. | ||
| Is there more than one? | ||
| Dude, there's a ton of ghost shows. | ||
| There's a ton of ghost shows. | ||
| And they're all exactly the same. | ||
| It's all three stupid white people. | ||
| And occasionally there's a black guy with glasses. | ||
| And they're in a basement. | ||
| And they have night vision on. | ||
| And then they go, did you hear that? | ||
| And then they cut the commercial. | ||
| And then they play music. | ||
| They're like, why are you playing music? | ||
| Cut the fucking music out! | ||
| And then they edit... | ||
| There's nothing to see here. | ||
| That's the thing about a ghost. | ||
| There's nothing to see here. | ||
| You can fucking look all day. | ||
| The most you have is some weird image, a whispery image. | ||
| And again, it's only interesting because it's unknown. | ||
| It's only interesting because people think a ghost might be real. | ||
| It's a secret thing. | ||
| It might be real. | ||
| How crazy is it? | ||
| I mean, it all depends on what you define as a ghost, something that isn't in this plane or whatever. | ||
| But when you talk science, the smartest motherfuckers that have ever lived were the Nazi scientists. | ||
| They invented missiles. | ||
| They were so far ahead of everyone else in science and technology. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those are good. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, when they went down, Russians raced in and took half their scientists. | ||
| Americans took the other scientists. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people don't even know that our space program is based entirely on Nazi science. | ||
| They were the smartest motherfuckers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they were down... | ||
| I mean, according to Ancient Aliens, I don't know if... | ||
| According to Ancient Aliens... | ||
| That is maybe the worst reference you could ever say. | ||
| It's like, according to Wikipedia, you are a fucking Skull and Bones member. | ||
| Aren't you going to have that dude in the show? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm very excited about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be nice to him. | |
| No, I am being nice. | ||
| He's a nice guy. | ||
| I like the guy. | ||
| He just said it's the worst. | ||
| Because it's a show. | ||
| It's an entertainment show. | ||
| I mean, he talks about Atlantis maybe being a spaceship that flew off in the sky. | ||
| Of course it was. | ||
| Maybe it's a rabbit and it ate a giant magical carrot and that created the end of the Atlantean Empire. | ||
| Did you see the episode about the Nazis, though? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| It was fascinating. | ||
| It was fascinating, the actual facts of what the Nazis were into. | ||
| And a lot of what they were into is like ancient Hindu scriptures, like the Vimanas. | ||
| They studied all these, you know, Vimanas were like these flying things in ancient Hindu scriptures that, from thousands and thousands of years ago, these flying ships that people have always tried to interpret. | ||
| Like, what the fuck did they mean by this? | ||
| You know, and the Nazi scientists were fascinated by all that stuff. | ||
| They were very much into the occult and very much into, you know, the idea of ancient knowledge. | ||
| You could throw that aside and say they were silly if it wasn't for the incredible technological capabilities that they had back then. | ||
| BMW, they made engines for Nazis, man. | ||
| I mean, Volkswagen, that's the car for the people. | ||
| You know, there was so much. | ||
| They made incredible rockets. | ||
| Their rocketry was so far ahead of anything in the rest of the world. | ||
| They were the innovators when it comes to the field of rocketry and space travel. | ||
| How about Wernher von Braun? | ||
| Wernher von Braun and Herman Oberth are both quoted as saying all that technology came from help from beams from another solar system. | ||
| They were channeling information. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To build UFOs. | ||
| They built four different models of UFOs. | ||
| And they're saying they were getting the information, anti-gravity information, by the Viril Society, which Hitler was a part of. | ||
| And they were running the Nazis, the Viril Society. | ||
| And it was all based on channeling from another solar system. | ||
| This chick, I forget her name, Maria Ostich, was the head... | ||
| Medium. | ||
| And she was channeling ancient Sumerian texts. | ||
| And then they bring in a dude who can transcribe it. | ||
| She had no idea what she was writing. | ||
| It was an ancient Sumerian text. | ||
| And there's instructions on how to build UFOs. | ||
| They built four of them. | ||
| It's on record. | ||
| Hanabu 1, Hanabu 2, Hanabu 3. They built UFOs. | ||
| And they're saying... | ||
| You mean they built spaceships. | ||
| They built UFOs. | ||
| Well, UFOs are unidentified. | ||
| Yeah, well, they built anti-gravity. | ||
| So a lot of the sightings in the 40s and 50s and probably even to today are all based, or not all, but I'm sure a lot of them were German UFOs. | ||
| Right, but when they say that they built something that's anti-gravity, that can't really be proven because we can't do anti-gravity today. | ||
| So because we can't do anti-gravity, we don't have a working model that they actually had that we could fly around in. | ||
| A lot of that is speculation. | ||
| But we do know that they were coming up with some weird-shaped aircrafts. | ||
| I mean, some photos of them with these saucer-looking Nazi ships. | ||
| Like, actual, undisputable photos. | ||
| But they didn't fly. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I could make a spaceship. | ||
| Well, who knows if they flew or not? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Do you know that they didn't fly? | ||
| No, but I'm not saying they did fly. | ||
| I mean, back then, I really doubt... | ||
| They had four models. | ||
| They had four models. | ||
| Well, they had planes, man. | ||
| I mean, they could make one of those fucking things fly. | ||
| Which is just a jet engine. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I don't know if it would... | ||
| Obviously, it wouldn't be any good. | ||
| I mean, it might suck. | ||
| Maybe that's why they stopped using it. | ||
| There's a funny picture online of Adolf Hitler with an alien. | ||
| I think he's just misunderstood. | ||
| Adolf Hitler. | ||
| Dude, don't even say shit like that on my podcast, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just kidding. | |
| Just kidding. | ||
| Didn't you pay attention to see what happened to fucking Tracy Morgan? | ||
| Talking about Charlie Chaplin. | ||
| There's all these weird photos of these things that the Nazis built, man. | ||
| I don't know how many of these photos are hoaxes and how many of them are legit, but it's pretty fascinating, man. | ||
| To me, the most fascinating part is that they were... | ||
| Using mediums to channel aliens from another source. | ||
| But how do we know that that's true? | ||
| Is that an ancient aliens thing? | ||
| It was probably the U.S. government. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| What am I looking for? | ||
| The Vril Society. | ||
| V-R-I-L. Yeah, it makes me wonder if maybe they were just really dumb. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, yeah, we're talking to aliens, but they were really talking to our government, and we're like, oh yeah, yeah, we're from outer space. | ||
| Well, you know, you can poo-poo all you want the idea of secret societies, but the bottom line is almost every single fucking president... | ||
| It's been a part of one of those fucking things in high school or in college. | ||
| That skull and bones shit is so disturbing that these people get together in college and decide to run shit based on this bond that they make when they're in college. | ||
| But it completely makes sense. | ||
| If you pay attention to how people operate, man, especially if you could... | ||
| I mean, the best way to keep something secret, really keep something secret, is to have a bunch of people who belong to some exclusive group and they won't rat anything out. | ||
| It's like a group of buddies who will talk about man law. | ||
| You don't say shit about nothing. | ||
| What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. | ||
| This is that on a huge level. | ||
| Skull and Bones is basically what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas on the biggest level possible. | ||
| Raping the world, causing wars, doing all this crazy shit and doing it under this premise of we're all a part of this group that agrees to be running the world in secret. | ||
| What happens in Iraq stays in Iraq. | ||
| And they're asking each other to join this thing. | ||
| And so to join it, they make them do some really embarrassing shit. | ||
| You hear different stories from suck cocks to let guys piss in their mouth. | ||
| All sorts of weird shit. | ||
| And they get it all on film. | ||
| And this is how you become a member in this group. | ||
| Everyone has to do these things. | ||
| Dress up like a diaper. | ||
| Let dude shit in your hair. | ||
| Just the most fucked up thing possible. | ||
| And they film it so that they always have you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But who the fuck knows? | ||
| That sounds like some shit that you're saying in your mom's basement and there's like wood paneling on the wall and you're doing bong rips. | ||
| You're like, dude, and then they totally make you eat shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That's what my cousin said. | ||
| My cousin said that was real. | ||
| Eddie, did you like Super 8? | ||
| It was alright. | ||
| It was alright, yeah. | ||
| That's how I felt too. | ||
| People got mad at me. | ||
| We talked about it last week. | ||
| I gave some spoilers away. | ||
| I would see it. | ||
| I'd see it again. | ||
| I mean, if I didn't know any better, if I didn't know the plot, I would go see it. | ||
| It was a fun ride. | ||
| The fat kid is a great actor. | ||
| All those kids are pretty amazing. | ||
| Yeah, they were good, man. | ||
| The Elliot 2 was good. | ||
| They're probably going to be spectacular fuck-ups later in their life. | ||
| Bank on them. | ||
| They're probably going to be amazing. | ||
| They're probably going to be Macaulay Culkin-esque. | ||
| They're all going to be on Dr. Drew's show. | ||
| If you watch the new episodes, Joey Diaz swears it's the best. | ||
| Oh, Celebrity Rehab's already out? | ||
| I noticed, I don't know, I looked at my DVR the other day, there was a couple of them, so I was like, oh Jesus, here we go again. | ||
| I love that show, it's my favorite. | ||
| Lindsay Lohan's dad's on it, and Amy Fisher. | ||
| Is he really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Amy Fisher, the chick who got famous by shooting someone, she's on it. | ||
| Like, she's a celebrity. | ||
| She shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco in the fucking face, and that made her a celebrity. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| What kind of a weird world are we living in, man? | ||
| Where every fucking show is real housewives and teen moms and mob wives and what the fuck are we doing, man? | ||
| We want to see real shit. | ||
| That's not even real shit. | ||
| We want to see drama. | ||
| The rise of the UFC and all reality shows, that's like real shit. | ||
| We don't want to see fighting movies. | ||
| Put out a fighting movie now. | ||
| But most of those reality shows are bullshit. | ||
| You know that as much as anybody. | ||
| Yeah, but we think it's real. | ||
| Most people think it's real. | ||
| You know what I think it is? | ||
| I think our lives are becoming more and more complex and people are more and more stressful and they have more and more real problems and they want to be distracted with a problem that they can focus on that they have absolutely no stake in. | ||
| So they could watch people with their drama and get mad at each other and crazy and screaming and this girl's fucking his wife and he's going fucking crazy and they're going bankrupt. | ||
| But meanwhile, you personally have zero stake in it. | ||
| So you can sit there and watch it and get totally caught up in it and your life doesn't fall apart. | ||
| It's like cathartic. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Totally makes sense, right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That's what I think is going down. | ||
| If you want real proof that there's an apocalypse coming down, it's what the fuck is on TV. That's the real proof. | ||
| The real proof is mob wives. | ||
| The real proof is Real Housewives of New Jersey. | ||
| You watch these morons living their retarded life. | ||
| Non-introspective. | ||
| No common sense. | ||
| Not thinking. | ||
| Egotistical. | ||
| Under the microscope and can't handle it. | ||
| The spotlight's on them. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck to do. | ||
| They're acting crazy. | ||
| You hear their nonsense talking. | ||
| That's the sign. | ||
| That's the sign it's all going down. | ||
| That's the sign, Eddie Bravo. | ||
| You know what we should do, Joe? | ||
| We should try to get tickets to the Comic-Con that's coming up. | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| Go down there and start some shows. | ||
| We should speak. | ||
| We should speak at Comic-Con about podcasts. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Like we're experts. | ||
| We should speak. | ||
| Somebody asked me to speak at the Zeitgeist Movement. | ||
| There's a Zeitgeist thing, September 11th, 2011. You want to go? | ||
| Where is it at? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's in L.A. There's a series of them. | ||
| Zeitgeist Media Event. | ||
| They asked me to speak in it. | ||
| Which I'm down, but the problem is, man, with all of these things, whenever you claim that you fucking got the answers, alright, whether it's Zeitgeist or whether it's Scientology or whether it's I don't want to equate Zeitgeist with Scientology, but it's too late. | ||
| I already did. | ||
| They don't have the answers, man. | ||
| And everybody's saying... | ||
| There's a website called Zeitgeist Debunked. | ||
| And there's a lot of shit that they got wrong, man. | ||
| Just straight wrong. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Even when it comes to the way they were backing up the... | ||
| The history of religion. | ||
| They got all these things wrong with Mithra, and it's been corrected on all these different websites, all the things that they got incorrect about. | ||
| But they're so confident in these points of view that they can put these points of view out on... | ||
| Is that guy anti-God? | ||
| No, no, no, no, not at all. | ||
| No, Zeitgeist is pretty interesting. | ||
| There's a lot of Zeitgeist that I believe in. | ||
| It's 9-1-1, right? | ||
| A lot of it's 9-1-1 in there. | ||
| And also I have a problem with it. | ||
| There's things when they talk about the towers and how the towers fell. | ||
| I just farted this time. | ||
| This time was me. | ||
| That was me. | ||
| If you smell this fart. | ||
| Don't run away, Brian. | ||
| Don't be scared. | ||
| Anyway, you're using this as an excuse to get up. | ||
| Did you fart? | ||
| No, I did. | ||
| I actually just had to go to the bathroom. | ||
| It wasn't even bad. | ||
| But since somebody didn't own up for the last one, I felt like I should own up for this one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't fart, man. | |
| Okay, man. | ||
| Maybe it was Brian. | ||
| My cat's in here somewhere. | ||
| And by the way, she took a nasty shit in that litter box in the bathroom. | ||
| It might be that, just wafting out here. | ||
| When you guys shit, what percentage is explosive and what percentage is solid loaves? | ||
| Well, I've been eating a lot of lettuce lately, and I've also been drinking this new thing, this vegetable drink. | ||
| It's amazing, man. | ||
| I got this Vitamix. | ||
| You know, Kevin James lost 80 fucking pounds, right? | ||
| Kevin James looked great, dude. | ||
| His face is skinny. | ||
| He looks so healthy. | ||
| He looks vibrant. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| He doesn't look chubby at all? | ||
| Well, he's still got a gut. | ||
| Dude, he was 300 fucking pounds. | ||
| He's got extra skin, but he's in way better shape than almost since I met him. | ||
| I met him in 91, maybe, somewhere around then. | ||
| And this is about as healthy as I've ever seen as far as like his diet and what he's doing. | ||
| And he got this Vitamix thing and he swears by it, man. | ||
| He's like, he told me about this book. | ||
| Some woman wrote this book on, you know, how you're supposed to eat vegetables and that the problem is, you know, your body spends so much time digesting food and breaking food down that it causes a lot, uses up a lot of energy. | ||
| So she has this, she tells you to take this blender and you blend all your vegetables together. | ||
| So I blend like kale and And I blend cucumbers, and I blend like a pear, and some ginger, and some celery, a bunch of shit together into this drink that looks like the Hulk's loads. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| Just this green, crazy drink. | ||
| And I drink this shit, and first of all, my shit flows out of me like a river. | ||
| No, nicely. | ||
| Just nicely. | ||
| Just slides out. | ||
| Like if you were logging on a river, and it was a nice, strong current to the river, and you unloaded a whole truckload of logs into this river to take them downhill, and then you just went, ah, just travel downhill. | ||
| That's what it's like when I take a shit. | ||
| My logs just travel downhill. | ||
| Ah, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop. | ||
| She comes out nice and sweet. | ||
| So you don't ever have explosive? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's probably Mexican food. | ||
| 5%. | ||
| You know what that is, Eddie? | ||
| 100% what that is? | ||
| It's food allergy. | ||
| You should get tested with food allergies. | ||
| They'll test everything and give you a percentage up and down how allergic you are of everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Explosive shit? | ||
| It's food allergy? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You'll be surprised. | ||
| After you eat, your body... | ||
| Because it's after I eat. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's probably most likely bread. | ||
| I bet you have a food allergy to bread. | ||
| And it might not be like you can't eat bread, but it could definitely be... | ||
| Talk into the microphone more? | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| I think a lot of people have an analogy to gluten. | ||
| Jeff's wife has an analogy. | ||
| Yeah, that's exactly what it probably is, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's a real common one. | ||
| Apparently, it's not that good for your body to be eating bread. | ||
| Apparently, bread, even though it fills you up, you know, bread is great for poor people. | ||
| You know, you take your wheat and you make your bread and it fills your belly and it gives you carbohydrates. | ||
| Apparently, your body doesn't like breaking it down, especially processed white flour. | ||
| Apparently, that's just glue. | ||
| It's just like funky glue. | ||
| You're supposed to eat Ezekiel bread. | ||
| Ezekiel bread is really good for you. | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| I have Ezekiel bread with peanut butter in it. | ||
| I don't even feel like I'm doing anything bad. | ||
| If I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat bread, I'm like, how much sugar is in this, man? | ||
| This is all sugar. | ||
| But if I have some... | ||
| Ezekiel bread with some natural peanut butter. | ||
| I don't feel bad at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fucking terrific for you. | |
| Nice to eat that bread all the time. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Can we have a moment of silence for Fogo de Chow? | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| A what? | ||
| A moment of silence? | ||
| Why don't you fucking go? | ||
| There's one in Los Angeles. | ||
| I was going to say, I went there two days ago. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| God, guys. | ||
| We need to do another Death Squad trip there. | ||
| This is what we're going to do, folks. | ||
| We're going to take a trip to the Salton Sea. | ||
| Eddie and I talked about it. | ||
| As soon as Eddie showed up, I got a book here on the Salton Sea, and I got two documentaries sitting on my desk because being the retard that I am, Whenever a subject comes up on the podcast or that I get set hip to, I get fascinated by it. | ||
| And the salt and sea is the thing that I've been... | ||
| I'm so fascinated by it lately. | ||
| And apparently Eddie says that Sonny Bono was the guy that was trying to save the salt and sea. | ||
| Trying to bring it back. | ||
| And apparently it can be brought back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It could be fixed. | ||
| According to the documentary, they... | ||
| Which documentary is this? | ||
| Is it any of those? | ||
| This one, Plagues and Pleasures of the Salt and Sea. | ||
| Plagues and Pleasures of the Salton Sea. | ||
| Isn't that a John Waters documentary? | ||
| I'm not sure, but it's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it is. | |
| You've got to see that. | ||
| Plagues and Pleasures on the Salton Sea. | ||
| Yeah, I just received it. | ||
| Somebody sent me a video online. | ||
| They linked it to me on Twitter. | ||
| I retweeted it. | ||
| Yeah, go ahead and open it. | ||
| It was a while back, maybe a couple weeks ago. | ||
| I watched this video online about this ocean inside... | ||
| I mean, almost like an ocean, this huge man-made lake inside of California's coast. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| This is nuts, man. | ||
| And then it talks about how toxic it became because of the runoff from all these different farms and... | ||
| That it got saltier and saltier to the point where a lot of the animals and the fish just fucking died and these people still lived there and it flooded out their house. | ||
| And the city got flooded, yeah. | ||
| It got flooded and that's what fucked everything up. | ||
| And when you see it, man, you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| It looks like some crazy, it looks like some Mad Max shit like we were talking about. | ||
| It looks like Armageddon. | ||
| Yeah, so we're going to do a Death Squad photo shoot from out there. | ||
| That's what we do. | ||
| People live there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's 400 people that live there. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| It's cheap as fuck. | ||
| You can buy a house or property for like... | ||
| Man, it was a three. | ||
| It was probably $3,000. | ||
| You can buy a lot. | ||
| How much time does it take to drive out there? | ||
| It takes about two hours. | ||
| We should build a Death Squad studio at the Salton Sea and just do once a month's Salton Sea shows. | ||
| If I could buy a house for $3,000. | ||
| It might be 300, but I think it's 3,000. | ||
| Some of the people that they show that live there, seriously, they're like crazy homeless people. | ||
| Like meth heads. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that's okay. | |
| As long as we don't leave any equipment behind. | ||
| But what if we have a place, we set it up, we get some couches in there and shit, get an internet connection, bring our laptops so we don't really have to have equipment there. | ||
| You bring our laptops and our mixer, set that shit up, and do a weekly or a monthly show from the Salton Sea. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| It is scary. | ||
| I mean, there was a thriving mini French Riviera right in California, two hours away. | ||
| I think it's the biggest man-made lake in the country. | ||
| The biggest body of water in California. | ||
| It was thriving in the 50s. | ||
| They were building all these condos and houses. | ||
| People were moving out there. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| They were like, fuck Palm Springs. | ||
| You ain't got no goddamn lake. | ||
| They were going to the Salton Sea, and then they had a big flood. | ||
| Like, the levees broke and all this shit, because it was all man-made. | ||
| Flooded everything out. | ||
| People freaked out. | ||
| And there's still people today that are living there that are waiting for it to come back. | ||
| They were back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They are. | |
| They remember the good old days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And it's dark. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It really is a ghost town. | ||
| It reminds me of California. | ||
| I remember Brad Pitt and... | ||
| David Duchovny, remember the movie California? | ||
| And they go through ghost towns. | ||
| It's like this. | ||
| Oh, dude, you've driven from California to Vegas before. | ||
| You've done that, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A million times. | |
| Didn't you go with me when we drove and you and me and Dimitri, and we stopped off in one of those little ghost towns where they had like a fake gunfight? | ||
| Do you remember that shit? | ||
| That wasn't me. | ||
| It wasn't you? | ||
| No. | ||
| It was me and Dimitri then. | ||
| We were headed to Vegas to see the K-1. | ||
| We went to K-1 with Dimitri. | ||
| A couple times. | ||
| We did a couple of K-1 trips. | ||
| Well, back then, there was no UFC in Vegas. | ||
| This is how old school we're going. | ||
| There was no UFC in Vegas. | ||
| So Eddie and I would want to go see fights. | ||
| We'd have to go see K-1 in Vegas. | ||
| Scott Coker used to promote K-1 in Vegas. | ||
| And there's hardly no one there. | ||
| It's a tiny little ballroom. | ||
| The Bellagio, a ballroom. | ||
| It's like it was as big as where Tough Enough is. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Just like that. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| People don't know what Tough Enough is. | ||
| Tough Enough is a local amateur show in Vegas. | ||
| And we would go down there and there'd be, you know, a few hundred people and you'd get to see fucking Peter Ertz. | ||
| Peter Ertz for Stefan Lecco. | ||
| You know, like high level, top of the food chain K1 guys were going at it, man. | ||
| There were some great fucking fights. | ||
| The K1 in Vegas was awesome. | ||
| They should bring that back. | ||
| I tried to talk to Dana about that. | ||
| I tried to say, dude, man, maybe you should fucking get involved in K1. Bring K1 in. | ||
| I'm telling you, think about what's the most exciting aspect of the UFC. It's striking, right? | ||
| You get the best strikers in the world. | ||
| Look, I love watching Abu Dhabi. | ||
| I love watching Marcelo Garcia and Pablo Popovich go after it. | ||
| I love watching Jaco Ray and Haja Gracie go after it in Abu Dhabi because they're the elite of the elite grapplers. | ||
| I also like watching elite of the elite strikers, you know, in just straight up striking. | ||
| There's a lot of guys, you don't get to see their full striking skills in the UFC because they're always worried about getting taken down. | ||
| They're always worried about getting submitted. | ||
| They're always worrying about You know, dealing with certain things, so it's hard for them to relax and just get into the striking. | ||
| But if you watch like that K1 Max, you ever watch that shit, dude? | ||
| I'll be honest with you, man. | ||
| I try to watch it. | ||
| It's hard to watch it. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Yeah, I'm not that into it, man. | ||
| I try to. | ||
| Maybe it's because you don't have a striking background, man. | ||
| Maybe that's what it is. | ||
| To me, it's exciting as fuck. | ||
| That's all I watch. | ||
| When I watch fights, when I have the garage, you know, I have the setup in the garage when I work out, all I watch is K1 Max. | ||
| That's all I watch. | ||
| It's hard for me. | ||
| And Badr Hari fights. | ||
| I watch that crazy motherfucker. | ||
| Those fights are wild, dude. | ||
| All that fucking just straight stand-up, man, when they're leg-kicking the shit out of each other and flying knees. | ||
| Dude, you can't watch that? | ||
| I want to. | ||
| I want to like it, but it's boring as hell. | ||
| Wow, that's so weird. | ||
| I want to. | ||
| It's got to be because that's not your background. | ||
| Look, I like watching pool. | ||
| I watch professional pool. | ||
| I got hours of pool on my laptop. | ||
| I got like maybe 10, 15 hours of pool matches on my laptop at any given time. | ||
| So if I'm ever in an airport by myself, ooh, I'll watch Mika Eminen play effin' Reyes, and I'll sit there and watch a pool match that I already know the results. | ||
| You gotta be. | ||
| Happily. | ||
| If I'm gonna watch striking, there's gotta be a threat of the fight going to the ground. | ||
| Really? | ||
| If I'm gonna watch striking, it's gonna be Chet Congo and Pat Berry. | ||
| That's what I'm gonna watch. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's a threat of going down. | ||
| They were on the floor, they didn't stop it. | ||
| I mean, that fight could have been stopped two different times easily. | ||
| Was that not the craziest end of a fight you have ever seen ever? | ||
| This is the greatest comeback in the history of combat sports. | ||
| I was watching it with a friend who doesn't train. | ||
| He was just telling me right before the match, he goes, I hate it when people, when a fighter hurts another fighter and he goes down and then he jumps in his guard and then tries to knock him out. | ||
| Why doesn't he just let him get up and stand up? | ||
| I go, well... | ||
| A lot of times when a guy's hurt, he throws haymakers. | ||
| And if you catch one of those haymakers while you think you have him hurt, so many fights can just turn at the blink of an eye. | ||
| You want to get him on the ground. | ||
| You know, your natural instinct is, I got him hurt. | ||
| Let me put him in a spot where there's no way he's going to knock me out. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So people just... | ||
| That's the natural instinct. | ||
| I got you hurt. | ||
| Let me ground and pound you now. | ||
| And I know for sure that there's... | ||
| You see even strikers do that all the time, man. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| They get on the inside. | ||
| Yeah, they'll climb in a guy's guard. | ||
| We were just talking about that and it happened. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| If Pat Berry would have just took him down and pounded him on the ground, that wouldn't have happened. | ||
| Did you ever see Diego Corrales in Castillo? | ||
| No. | ||
| You never saw that fight? | ||
| It was the boxing equivalent to that. | ||
| Jose Luis Castillo and Diego Corrales. | ||
| Diego Corrales was fucked up. | ||
| He was getting dropped and battered. | ||
| It looked like the fight was almost stopped. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| He connects and Corrales goes out. | ||
| It was just like that. | ||
| I mean, almost, except there was knockdowns and they counted. | ||
| The excitement level of this was higher because there was no counting. | ||
| You know, it was like the fight was almost over at any second. | ||
| And literally, Dan Mergliana got on top of them, was going to touch them and stop the fight. | ||
| Like he had his hands over them to stop the fight. | ||
| But then Chet Congo went for a single and he changed his mind. | ||
| Like a brilliant decision. | ||
| A lot of people said, oh, they should have stopped that fight. | ||
| The fuck they should have stopped that fight? | ||
| Look who won. | ||
| He won by knockout. | ||
| There's no way he should have stopped his fight. | ||
| He still wanted to fight. | ||
| He still could fight. | ||
| He still could win. | ||
| And he did win. | ||
| So there's no way they should have stopped that fight early. | ||
| It was the absolute perfect stoppage. | ||
| Look, you had to stop the fight once Pat Barry was out because Pat Barry was unconscious. | ||
| That's why I hate early stoppages, man. | ||
| I'm like, oh, let them take an extra shot. | ||
| They understand the danger. | ||
| They're in there because they're crazy freaks. | ||
| I agree with you, but I don't like seeing a guy getting blasted when he's already hurt because I know what it does to them. | ||
| I know the physiological effect. | ||
| Did you see? | ||
| Hey, pull this up, man. | ||
| Pull this up. | ||
| Roy Jones Jr. can't say spectacular. | ||
| You're going to listen to this, man. | ||
| This is traveling all over the internet. | ||
| This is a really uncomfortable thing. | ||
| Am I going to hear it on my headphones? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Am I going to hear it on my headphones? | |
| Yeah, you'll see it. | ||
| You'll hear it in your headphones. | ||
| You don't have to see it, because it's just Roy Jones doing commentary, and he can't say the word spectacular. | ||
| You know, he just got knocked the fuck out by a Russian guy. | ||
| Yeah, a Russian guy battered him in the 12th round. | ||
| When white guys start knocking you out, you know it's over. | ||
| It's done. | ||
| Listen, play it, play it, and this is going to freak you out. | ||
| Listen to Roy Jones. | ||
| She's starting to slip. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| We're hearing this. | ||
|
unidentified
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Roy Jones Jr. And Roy, what is it about Canelo Alvarez that has this region and this country starstruck? | |
| Well, it's just like we said. | ||
| He's different. | ||
| He's something spectacular. | ||
| He's different because he has different color hair. | ||
| He has different skin. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| That's the beginning. | ||
| If you see it on video, it's even more noticeable. | ||
| Like, he really was... | ||
| Yeah, and what's dark about it all, man, is that Roy Jones was the guy who never wanted to get hit. | ||
| Roy Jones was the guy who never wanted to fight really dangerous fighters because he was always worried about brain damage because he was buddies with Gerald McClellan. | ||
| Gerald McClellan was one of the best fucking middleweights and light heavyweights ever. | ||
| Gerald McClellan was a fucking animal. | ||
| But in his prime, he got in a fight with Nigel Benn and he caught a lot of weight for that fight. | ||
| And during the fight, the fight was ugly, and he blasted Nigel Benn in the first round, but Nigel Benn had mad heart, and Nigel Benn hung in there, and was there in the second and third, and they fought like dogs, dude, and they head-butted, and they clashed heads, and at one time, Nigel Benn and him clashed heads after Nigel Benn was jacking him with some punches. | ||
| They were just going after it, man. | ||
| Gerald McClellan took a knee. | ||
| He went down and took a knee and then quit. | ||
| And then sat down in his corner and everybody was like, whoa, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| And then he just collapsed. | ||
| He was obviously done. | ||
| His brain was starting to bleed and he had Realized that something was terribly wrong, so he tried to stop. | ||
| He tried to sit down. | ||
| So much that a guy like him, who's just a furious killer, watched the Gerald MacLellan-Julian Jackson fight. | ||
| Julian Jackson, rather. | ||
| If you want to see some crazy, barbaric, top-of-the-food-chain KO action boxers going at it, because Julian Jackson was one of the hardest punchers ever, and Gerald MacLellan fucked him up, and it's a crazy fight. | ||
| It's a fun boxing fight to watch. | ||
| Roy Jones Jr. saw that man and never wanted to be that guy. | ||
| He was always scared that he would be like Gerald McClellan, man. | ||
| He was always scared that he would have some serious brain damage and he would get really badly hurt. | ||
| So he never took any damage, man. | ||
| He fought so smart and his reflexes were so good. | ||
| Up until he fought Antonio Tarver, he never really got fucked up. | ||
| And then he beat John Ruiz. | ||
| He went all the way up to heavyweight. | ||
| And who knows what he did to get to heavyweight? | ||
| Because he was like 200 pounds and shredded. | ||
| That's not normal. | ||
| Usually when you do that, you're doing some sort of testosterone or something. | ||
| You're taking something. | ||
| And what a lot of people don't realize, especially fighters, they don't know who to turn to. | ||
| They get their advice from either shitty doctors or they get their advice from bodybuilders that are their friends or something like that. | ||
| What people don't understand about hormones is If you jolt your body, you make your body hyper-testosterone levels where they're far above normal, what happens is, afterwards, your shit crashes. | ||
| So when you get off this testosterone, if you take some Crazy amount of testosterone in your system. | ||
| Your balls shut down. | ||
| So you need double the time that you were on that shit to recover. | ||
| So say if you went on a cycle and you were Roy Jones, this is hypothetically speaking, and decided to gain 20 pounds of muscle. | ||
| If you were on a cycle of steroids for three months, you need six months just to get your shit down to a normal level again. | ||
| Your shit is fucked up, man. | ||
| Your balls aren't working anymore. | ||
| You're doing something that your body's not supposed to have. | ||
| Your body's not supposed to have these levels in it. | ||
| And so when your body has those levels, it shuts off natural production. | ||
| And it takes a while for that shit to kick back in. | ||
| And if you watch the difference between Roy Jones' body from the Antonio Tarver fight to the John Ruiz fight. | ||
| The John Ruiz fight he fought at heavyweight. | ||
| And the next fight is at light heavyweight. | ||
| And he was like smooth. | ||
| He looked like he had no muscle tone. | ||
| He just didn't look good, man. | ||
| He looked slow. | ||
| And Antonio Tarver knocked him the fuck out. | ||
| And that was the first time he ever got knocked out. | ||
| And from that point on, it was all downhill. | ||
| And then he fought Glenn Johnson, and Glenn Johnson fucked him up. | ||
| Glenn Johnson knocked him unconscious. | ||
| Dead, stiff-legged, you know, just, you know, that arms up in the air when they're just out cold like that. | ||
| Glenn Johnson did that to him. | ||
| And then ever since then, man, it's been a slow slide. | ||
| You know, he fought scared against Hopkins. | ||
| He didn't, he didn't go after Hopkins. | ||
| He just was happy to win a decision or happy to rather to lose a decision and did not get knocked out. | ||
| He never tried to win that fight. | ||
| You know, Hopkins was just too good for him. | ||
| And, you know, and then he fought that guy, Danny green in Australia. | ||
| He got knocked out in the first round. | ||
| And then he fought this Russian dude and got knocked the fuck out in the last round. | ||
| And it was ugly, He froze up, like, halfway, like, was crumbling, and the referee, the guy looks at the referee, and the referee wouldn't stop it, so he goes, alright, ba-bing! | ||
| While he's crumpling, while, like, Roy Jones is essentially slowly crumpling, this dude tees off with two full power shots, and he face plants, completely unconscious. | ||
| And so then he goes on HBO a couple weeks later and he can't say spectacular. | ||
| We are watching the slow slide. | ||
| We are watching everything that that guy was terrified of when he was a 20-year-old phenom, when he was on top of the world lighting people up. | ||
| What about that rap song that he did? | ||
| Dude, you've got to talk in the microphone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can't hear you. | |
| You know that rap song? | ||
| Yeah, y'all must have forgot. | ||
| Yeah, we need to hear that for 30 seconds. | ||
| No, I don't think we can, man. | ||
| Now that we're on Sirius, we're on Sirius Satellite Radio, we're not allowed to play music anymore. | ||
| At all? | ||
| We get sued. | ||
| Did you see this shit? | ||
| Yeah, the Nebraska power plant is about to get fucking flooded. | ||
| Here's a question. | ||
| Have you seen this shit? | ||
| Look at the pictures. | ||
| Obviously, they have flooding problems here. | ||
| Show Eddie that photo, because that's just a trip. | ||
| You'll have to see the photo. | ||
| That's a nuclear power plant, bro. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| Why isn't there a wall at least the size of maybe ten times the height of the current wall around that whole entire place if it's near water or the ability to get flooded? | ||
| Well, there's a lot of floods going on, man, that nobody ever anticipated. | ||
| What we're finding out right now with Japan and what we're finding out with this as well is they didn't do a lot of what-ifs when they built these fucking things. | ||
| First of all, they don't have any options to shut them down if they don't have any power. | ||
| When they lost the backup generators in Japan and everything got flooded out by the tsunami, they had essentially eight hours before that thing started melting down. | ||
|
unidentified
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They're fucked. | |
| There's no way to stop it. | ||
| They made these crazy things, these fusion or fission reactors, whatever they are, fusion or fission? | ||
| Which one is it? | ||
| Nuclear fusion? | ||
| I think it's fusion. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is, this incredible amount of energy in this one isolated area, and they can't stop it. | ||
| They don't know how to stop it. | ||
| What's going on in Japan right now, man? | ||
| The Michio Kaku just wrote a really fascinating and terrifying article about it, about how there are three complete meltdowns in those plants in Japan. | ||
| And, you know, there's people online that are in denial about this for some reason. | ||
| Like someone in my message board was, you know, on a thread about this was like, oh, you know, you're giving out misinformation about Japan. | ||
| It's not that bad. | ||
| The fuck it's not, man. | ||
| There's video online on YouTube of people that live miles and miles away that have taken Geiger counters and they walk around with the Geiger counter on and then they take the Geiger counter and they put the Geiger counter on the ground. | ||
| And that's when it's fucking terrifying. | ||
| Because in the air, when you walk it around, it looks like, yeah, it's a little radioactive, but not too bad. | ||
| But then when you put the fucking thing on the ground, there's a couple videos like this. | ||
| You see the fucking levels are off the charts, like way into the levels where people aren't supposed to be anywhere near. | ||
| Seriously? | ||
| Yeah, and it's on the ground, man. | ||
| It's on the fucking ground. | ||
| Because that's where apparently all the radioactivity collects. | ||
| It collects on the ground. | ||
| So this guy takes this Geiger counter and puts it on the ground. | ||
| So I'm freaking out, man. | ||
| So I bought some Geiger counters on Amazon. | ||
| I tried to buy some Geiger counters. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah, especially after we had the conversation about Rock-A-Dine. | ||
| Rock-A-Dine, which is only, you know, fucking 10 miles from here or something like that. | ||
| It had a total meltdown, supposedly, in the 50s. | ||
| That's probably where the zombies would start, right? | ||
| In Japan? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I think what we should do with Japan is we should help those fucking people that are anywhere near that place, help them get out, and then use that as a place to store the world's garbage. | ||
| That place sucks. | ||
| That's not your idea. | ||
| I've been saying that on stage for weeks, bitch. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I'm the one that said that. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Like two podcasts ago, I said that. | ||
| I was like, we should use nuclear places to put all our trash. | ||
| You don't remember that? | ||
| Dude, I said that too. | ||
| You think you said that before me? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I did. | ||
| You sure you said that before me before I said it on stage? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I doubt that, bitch. | ||
| No, because when I said it, you were like, that's actually a really good idea. | ||
| You might be right now that I think about it. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| It's a perfect idea. | ||
| It's a perfect idea. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's an awesome idea. | ||
| Whoever's idea it was, maybe it was yours. | ||
| I smoke too much weed. | ||
| If it was your idea? | ||
| Ninja zombies. | ||
| There's a movie right there. | ||
| A spot where we could just dump garbage. | ||
| Right into the hole of it. | ||
| Fly over in a helicopter and just drop it right into the... | ||
| What would happen? | ||
| Well, hopefully this... | ||
| What is that thing called that's making a black hole? | ||
| Hopefully it turns into a really bad black hole and then we can just put the garbage on the black hole. | ||
| The Large Hadron Collider so we could litter in other galaxies. | ||
| That's a terrible idea. | ||
| That would be awesome. | ||
| All these Ewoks crying. | ||
| You know how they have hypernovas in space? | ||
| They find these hypernovas that are basically these really super powerful novas that have these jets of energy spraying out in either direction. | ||
| What if that was garbage? | ||
| What if we got like really close? | ||
| We saw like cans and shit and rubbers and it turns out that all that shit spraying out was the garbage of another dimension. | ||
| They had figured out how to launch all of their garbage with a rocket ship into black holes. | ||
| The planet's all clean. | ||
| The planet's super clean. | ||
| Like they all walk around with a portable like connection to that black hole. | ||
| I saw another thing that I see and I'm gonna report on this because this is number nine for me. | ||
| This is the ninth time I've seen this. | ||
| A fucking guy in a Prius throwing a cigarette out the window. | ||
| God damn, that drives me crazy. | ||
| This motherfucker pulled into an organic foods parking lot of an organic food store. | ||
| Gets out of his Prius and throws his fucking cigarette on the ground. | ||
| I'm like, you cunt. | ||
| You dumb, dumb, dumb cunt. | ||
| You stupid fuck. | ||
| What kind of a person goes so far to think they're helping the environment by buying a Prius? | ||
| He had a ponytail on, so he's like, I'm living natural. | ||
| I'm going to go get some natural organic food and I'm just going to throw my cigarette right there. | ||
| I think that was a King of the Hill episode. | ||
| Did it really? | ||
| Doing a King of the Hill? | ||
| He started working at a Whole Foods and it was similar to that. | ||
| Did he throw cigarettes out the window at Whole Foods? | ||
| They had Priuses, and they were just constantly contradicting themselves like that. | ||
| Well, it's people, man. | ||
| I've seen nine times now. | ||
| Nine times I've seen a guy in a Prius throw a cigarette out the window. | ||
| Nine. | ||
| Over the course of my entire life, this is the ninth guy. | ||
| I've been documenting them. | ||
| The last one was in San Francisco. | ||
| The last one in San Francisco, I saw two in a weekend I was there. | ||
| I was there Thursday through Sunday working at Cobbs, and I saw two guys in their fucking Priuses throw cigarettes out the window. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| You should videotape it. | ||
| Put it on YouTube. | ||
| You never know to have your fucking camera out. | ||
| Like, there's a guy in a Prius. | ||
| Let's follow him. | ||
| He's smoking. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He's got this fuck. | ||
| He's going to throw it out the fucking window. | ||
| Gizmodo also has an article about LSD being used to treat what they call suicide headaches, which are people that have really bad headaches to the point where they almost want to kill themselves, like migraines times a billion, right? | ||
| So these two psychiatrists have been giving LSD to these patients, and I think they said, like, almost... | ||
| All six patients reported a decrease in the number of cluster attacks, and five said this effect lasted for months after they had taken LSD. Well, if they had the right dosage of LSD, if you could administer it in a laboratory and you knew exactly what you were getting, there was an article really recently that said that MDMA, which is ecstasy, and LSD are far closer to being available for prescription than anybody would really imagine. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Far closer. | ||
| I tell you, man. | ||
| For therapeutic use. | ||
| That is one of the most beautiful drugs in the world. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Molly. | ||
| Pure ecstasy or whatever it is. | ||
| I can't get enough of it. | ||
| But what's weird is recently I bought some ecstasy and I didn't feel the same of normal ecstasy feeling. | ||
| And you came in talking like Roy Jones. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| And so I was telling this other guy I know, I'm like, hey, yeah, so I got this stuff. | ||
| It looked like Molly, but the guy said it was Ecstasy. | ||
| And it did this. | ||
| This was my effects on it. | ||
| He goes, oh, yeah, that's bath salts. | ||
| People are actually selling that as Ecstasy a lot in L.A. right now. | ||
| Oh, so you did that bath salts shit? | ||
| You did that mess shit? | ||
| Bath salts in the house. | ||
| You're retarded, man. | ||
| You're just doing whatever people give you. | ||
| And what's funny is that it felt like ecstasy. | ||
| It started like, okay, here it goes. | ||
| I'm feeling good. | ||
| I guess I'm tired. | ||
| Good night. | ||
| It almost got to the point. | ||
| So it got euphoric? | ||
| Euphoric, body kind of feeling good, kind of like the ecstasy feeling, but then it just fizzles off. | ||
| Does every ecstasy have that next day blah feeling? | ||
| Well, I was using Onnitlabs.com's roll on and roll off, so I had no feeling the next day. | ||
| I felt fine. | ||
| And this stuff really works? | ||
| The Onnit stuff felt like... | ||
| I gave that shit, the nootropic formula. | ||
| Eddie, do you know we're making a brain pill? | ||
| Oh, I gotta talk about this too. | ||
| We're making a brain pill. | ||
| We're making a nootropic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You and Brian? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| Me and Chris Marcus. | ||
| Chris Marcus is doing all the work. | ||
| I'm gonna help him promote it. | ||
| But he started a laboratory when he left Fleshlight. | ||
| Started a laboratory for... | ||
| He's been on the podcast a bunch of times. | ||
| Twice. | ||
| And he... | ||
| He decided to come up with his own business and one of them was that there's a bunch of different nootropics, a bunch of different supplements that can aid in brain function. | ||
| And what he did is combine all the best ones and put them together. | ||
| Dude, they give you the craziest... | ||
| Well, that's when I had the Arnold Schwarzenegger dream. | ||
| My girlfriend and I have been letting her have some of it. | ||
| Nightmares. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just intense nightmares. | ||
| And I didn't have nightmares, but I had intense dreams. | ||
| Yeah, your girlfriend's terrified. | ||
| After you said that, I started actually realizing, oh, it's because of that. | ||
| Is it like when you go to health food stores, they have bottles of brain factors? | ||
| No, they're not... | ||
| Well, it may be like that, but this is going to be much stronger. | ||
| This stuff is like super... | ||
| Larry had one called brain factors and had like ginkgo biloba. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everything for the brain all in one formula. | ||
| I don't know what his levels were and what stuff he had as opposed to what stuff Chris has had. | ||
| I would like to look at the two of them. | ||
| But whatever it is, this shit that Chris has put together, he's thoroughly researched this and come up with this incredible formula. | ||
| It really fucking works. | ||
| First of all, the really freaky thing is, man, you don't get tired on this shit. | ||
| That's the weird thing. | ||
| Like, if I travel all the way across the country, you would figure by the time I get there five hours later, I'm exhausted, right? | ||
| But when I take these fucking pills, man, we did a show on Friday. | ||
| We flew a red eye, alright? | ||
| Landed Friday morning. | ||
| I didn't sleep at all. | ||
| I slept a little bit on the plane. | ||
| I ate something. | ||
| Got in the shower. | ||
| Went to the UFC weigh-ins. | ||
| Went from the weigh-ins to got some food. | ||
| Ate food. | ||
| Worked over my material. | ||
| Went over some of my material. | ||
| Got with Joey. | ||
| We smoked a joint. | ||
| Went on stage. | ||
| Then did our show. | ||
| Afterwards, went to hang out with Ralphie Mae. | ||
| Afterwards, went to a strip club. | ||
| Afterwards, came back to the hotel and I'm still awake. | ||
| I'm like, how the fuck am I awake? | ||
| And then I realized I took six of those fucking pills. | ||
| Six? | ||
| I took three earlier. | ||
| Yeah, because I was exhausted. | ||
| I took three in the morning and then three like an hour before the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Woo! | ||
| Dog! | ||
| Dude, I was figuring some shit out, man. | ||
| The crazy thing is when you have dreams, the dreams are super vivid and you can remember them, man. | ||
| It's because your mind's, whatever receptor's awake, something's awake that's usually not awake. | ||
| Because that's like when we were talking about nicotine, where it keeps your nicotine receptors in your head awake when you're on, you know, do a patch while you're sleeping. | ||
| Whatever's in that shit has something that it's reacting to and keeping it awake. | ||
| Well, what I was impressed with is that I had some good ideas, and I didn't want to get up and write them down, and I actually remembered them in the morning. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| That never happens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That never happens. | ||
| I feel sharper, definitely. | ||
| I was going over that video. | ||
| You know, there's that video, have you seen it online, of the Miss USA pageant contestants? | ||
| They're asking them about evolution. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| Yeah, I saw it. | ||
| Pull that shit up because it's fucking fascinating. | ||
| Pull it up and we'll play a little bit of it because it's the most ridiculous shit ever. | ||
| They get these girls and all of them from the deep south, all of them don't believe in evolution. | ||
| They're all like, I don't believe in evolution. | ||
| And I'm thinking while I'm there, of course you don't believe in evolution. | ||
| You're 20 years old. | ||
| Nobody's ever caveman fucked you. | ||
| Nobody ever gorilla fucked you. | ||
| You don't know what darkness really is. | ||
| You don't know that there's shades to man. | ||
| There's a whole progression. | ||
| There's a fucking spectrum of human behavior from really civilized and beautiful and nice to barbaric and animalistic. | ||
| And that shit's because we came from fucking animals, Hooker. | ||
| You just haven't experienced that yet in your little cute life with your sash on and your fucking... | ||
| I remembered it all vividly when I woke up in the morning. | ||
| What is the... | ||
| We don't really have to see it. | ||
| It's really low-hanging fruit. | ||
| It's low-hanging fruit. | ||
| It's just really, really poor, dumb girls that are 20 years old and they're asking about evolution and they're saying things that they want people to hear. | ||
| Well, I think Jesus put me here for a purpose because they think that all the people from their church and all the people back home, that's what they would want to hear. | ||
| You know, when you're 20 years old and you're indoctrinated into the world of religion, what are the odds that you actually have a real opinion of it? | ||
| You actually sat down and sorted this shit out. | ||
| Most of the time they're just spitting out shit that other people have been saying to them their whole life. | ||
| You know? | ||
| 20 years old. | ||
| The fuck did you know when you were 20? | ||
| Could you imagine if somebody had you on video talking about what you thought about the world when you were 20? | ||
| I was an atheist at 20. You gotta talk in the mic, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was an atheist at 20. Yeah. | |
| I have video of me at 20 just smoking weed with a bunch of my friends. | ||
| That's all I cared about. | ||
| Smoking weed and music. | ||
| Yeah, well, you probably just... | ||
| You were stuck in Ohio, too, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, what the fuck? | ||
| You were in Columbus. | ||
| You're like, what am I doing? | ||
| You're all over the place now. | ||
| Your shit's blowing the fuck up. | ||
| You're 10th planet. | ||
| Are you ever at home? | ||
| Are you going out to a different city every week? | ||
| Are you doing classes at all these places? | ||
| Tell everybody what you're talking about, man. | ||
| What you were talking about? | ||
| You were saying 10th Planets. | ||
| Oh, 10th Planets. | ||
| Yeah, Jiu-Jitsu Schools. | ||
| But you have them all over the place now. | ||
| How many do you have now? | ||
| Around 30. Wow. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| And so you're traveling pretty much every weekend to do a seminar at one of them? | ||
| I'm trying to do two a month. | ||
| And for me, vacation is staying in LA, staying home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I like... | ||
| I like being at my house. | ||
| I love hanging with my bunny and my girlfriend. | ||
| Just relaxing. | ||
| Go check out a movie. | ||
| Just doing nothing. | ||
| I love doing nothing at home. | ||
| When you have a day when you don't have to fucking be anywhere. | ||
| It's so beautiful. | ||
| I try to stay home two weekends out of the month. | ||
| That's why I quit the UFC as well. | ||
| If I was trying to make it to my schools and do the UFC, I'd be gone every weekend. | ||
| Just can't do it. | ||
| Well, that's good that your schools have become quite successful now. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| I see your shirt, your logo at all these places. | ||
| I'll be just sitting there going like, oh my god, that guy has a 10th Planet shirt on. | ||
| And it makes me almost want to be like, hey dude, what's up? | ||
| I feel like, oh, they all know Eddie's. | ||
| Why don't you just take jiu-jitsu? | ||
| I got Ari to do it for a year. | ||
| Well, one, my knee. | ||
| Two, time. | ||
| Your knee, is that fucked up? | ||
| It will pop out of place in jiu-jitsu, probably. | ||
| I'm not going to risk that. | ||
| When was the last time it popped out of place? | ||
| It only popped out once, and then once it was close popping out where it felt like it did. | ||
| How long after your actual injury was this that it popped out? | ||
| Three years, four years. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So it was pretty far afterwards. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So it's still fucked. | ||
| It was skiing, too. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, did it just pop out? | ||
| That fucking hurt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've got to develop a higher tolerance to pain, son. | ||
| You know, I just don't have time for that. | ||
| That's one thing you get from jiu-jitsu, man. | ||
| You get a high-ass tolerance to pain. | ||
| Because you're always in pain. | ||
| You're always getting smashed. | ||
| Your neck's getting choked. | ||
| Your face is getting smushed. | ||
| When you get tattooed, some people get tattooed and they fucking scream in agony. | ||
| I fell asleep getting tattooed once. | ||
| Literally nodded out. | ||
| You get used to putting it out. | ||
| You get used to putting pain in any martial art. | ||
| Anytime you're hitting things. | ||
| Muay Thai guys, man, you don't think they get accustomed to pain? | ||
| Leg kicks always hurt, man. | ||
| They're going to hurt forever. | ||
| But you just get accustomed to that. | ||
| You just deal with it. | ||
| Your legs certainly toughen up. | ||
| Especially your, you know, your thighs toughen up and your shins really toughen up. | ||
| They actually develop, like, little micro-fractures over the surface of your shin from clashing into other shins and kicking fucking banana trees and shit like that. | ||
| Like, those crazy Thai guys that are constantly kicking, like, banana trees, they develop, like, shins that are like weapons, man. | ||
| You know, there's, like, a sports science on it where they showed Melcher, God, I forget the last, his name, his phone, but it was a, He's a Muay Thai guy. | ||
| But he's a former world champion. | ||
| And they had him kick baseball bats. | ||
| And he was breaking baseball bats with his shins. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It was so crazy to watch. | ||
| Just swinging that leg kick into a baseball bat and snapping the handle off. | ||
| Fuck that, dude. | ||
| He did two different kinds. | ||
| He did an ash one, an ash bat, and a maple bat. | ||
| Because the ash bat apparently is a little easier. | ||
| So then he moved to the maple one next. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| Yeah, that is... | ||
| I'm grabbing my shins right now. | ||
| There's such a difference in striking, the difference between striking and jujitsu. | ||
| I mean, you can get hurt in both of them for sure. | ||
| Miguel Torres, former WBC Bantamweight champion, posted a picture, worst BJJ injury ever at my gym, and it's a dude's toe. | ||
| His toe got broken. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| You have to see it. | ||
| You need to look at it. | ||
| Dude's toe got broken and snapped off and the bone was sticking straight out. | ||
| Dude, it was hardcore. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, that can happen, man. | ||
| Dudes can get fucked up. | ||
| But in striking, you're much more likely to get Roy Jonesed in striking. | ||
| That shit's happening on a regular. | ||
| Dudes are constantly getting brained, you know? | ||
| Brained. | ||
| Constantly getting knocked out. | ||
| There was a post on the Underground the other day. | ||
| Some guy was talking about getting knocked out in training, you know, and how much it pissed you off. | ||
| Some new guy came in, didn't really know what he was doing, swang full blast, and he didn't get out of the way, and he got knocked unconscious. | ||
| You know, and fucking... | ||
| Not good, man. | ||
| When you watch something like Pat Berry and Check Congo, does that shit register with you? | ||
| Do you see that and go, whoa, what's going on inside Pat Berry's head right now? | ||
| And Check Congo, as both of them got rained on, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For a fan, it was amazing, but I would never want to do that. | ||
| I love watching it, though, but... | ||
| I'm not down for getting hit. | ||
| It'd be awesome if they could fix it, you know? | ||
| It's like, you know, if you tear a knee ligament, they can fucking get another ligament, stick it in there, and screw it in place, and they can fix you up nice. | ||
| If you hurt your brain, they go, dude, don't worry about it. | ||
| We're going to put you in this chamber. | ||
| It rejuvenates all your brain cells, and you're going to be 100% in a couple of weeks. | ||
| What if this Chris Marcus stuff actually does that? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| It's going to be a lot more complicated than some herbs, I think. | ||
| I would think that if there's going to be something that regenerates brain tissue that's injured, it's going to be something like some nanotechnology, something that rehabilitates or You know, fix his tissue. | ||
| You guys should sponsor Roy Jones and see what happens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's all speaking Shakespearean off the top of his head. | |
| This is spectacular. | ||
| He's not even willing to retire. | ||
| He owes taxes, apparently. | ||
| He owes $3.5 million in taxes, according to my online sources that I loosely and quickly Googled. | ||
| How does someone with millions? | ||
| They don't pay, man. | ||
| They don't fucking pay. | ||
| They just don't have a business manager or an accountant? | ||
| They just get stupid, man. | ||
| They get stupid. | ||
| They get stupid. | ||
| They just spend all that money, and they have some wacky motherfucker that's handling their money. | ||
| Just like the kind of guy who would have a wacky motherfucker handling his hormones, there's a guy that would have a wacky motherfucker handling his money, and that guy tells you, like Wesley Snipes' dude told him, You know, hey, you don't have to pay taxes, man. | ||
| That shit is unconstitutional. | ||
| Look, I'll show you the clauses, man. | ||
| They ain't even gonna come after you because they don't want anybody to know about this. | ||
| And they're like, oh, yeah, no, they're gonna come after you and you're gonna have to go to jail for a few years. | ||
| You know, you're a movie star and all of a sudden you're in jail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're in a cage. | |
| He's still in jail? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| He's in jail right now. | ||
| He's in jail right now. | ||
| He's gonna be in jail for three years. | ||
| They want to let people know, hey, we will lock you in a fucking cage, stupid. | ||
| You need to pay us and you need to let everybody know that you're paying and let everybody know that they need to pay. | ||
| We all need money to make this fucking thing work. | ||
| Cops don't work for free. | ||
| It's not free to fix the highways. | ||
| We need fucking money. | ||
| Even if you don't agree with it, even if it's too much, and I agree it is, it's definitely too much. | ||
| You've got to pay that shit anyway, son. | ||
| That put you in a fucking cage, right, Brian? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you have some tax problems? | ||
| I still do. | ||
| What's your tax problems? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now the state's coming after me What did you do? | |
| I used TurboTax and blindly was like, oh, I have receipts for all this shit. | ||
| Thinking that I would just use my credit card statements. | ||
| And then I didn't know that credit card statements only go back now like a year. | ||
| Like if you want to go back in time and look at a statement or something like that, they don't let you go any farther than a year. | ||
| You can't even find them? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So I didn't know that. | ||
| So I was doing my taxes thinking like, oh yeah, you know, I got proof of purchase, you know, on my statements and stuff. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Like the bank getting together with the fucking tax people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| Do you think that they conspired? | ||
| They're like, let's just fuck a lot of people out of money, man. | ||
| We can get a lot more money that way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All these assholes claiming deductibles and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's stressful stuff, man. | ||
| I've had a business manager now three years, and it relieves so much stress. | ||
| I don't think about shit. | ||
| If the government came after me, I got all that shit under control. | ||
| Well, now I just don't do it. | ||
| Even though I should be writing all this shit off that I do and stuff like that, now I'm just like, you know what? | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| I will just do like I do. | ||
| Why don't you go to H&R Block? | ||
| Because it's like $1,000 or something like that. | ||
| I don't want to do that shit. | ||
| Is it a thousand bucks? | ||
| No, it's a couple hundred bucks, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| H&R Block. | ||
| I was doing that before I got my business manager. | ||
| My girl right now just paid something like $700 at H&R Block to do her taxes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Maybe he just robbed her. | ||
| Maybe he's like, look at this bitch. | ||
| I'm going to get her to give me a lot of money. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, to me, I'd rather, you know, I hate taxes so much, so I'd rather just go to TurboTax, take 10 minutes and do it, and get it sent away, you know, than having to pay extra and try to find money and do all that crap, which I should do. | ||
| You need an accountant, man. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| It's also goddamn fucking complicated. | ||
| It's too stressful to think about that shit. | ||
| It is so fucking complicated, isn't it? | ||
| Yo, when my movie drops, I'll go get me an accountant. | ||
| When your movie drops? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you gonna do in the movie? | ||
| Porn. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| First person... | ||
| There's not any money in porn anymore, dude. | ||
| You gotta come up with another strategy. | ||
| That strategy would have been the shit in 1993. You could have been like Peter North. | ||
| Peter North drives a Ferrari, and he did gay porn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| How about that? | ||
| He's the only one that got away with doing gay porn. | ||
| He did gay porn, and they're like, alright, don't do it again. | ||
| And then he came back and did regular porn from then on out. | ||
| But he did a little gay porn. | ||
| I didn't believe it. | ||
| People told me. | ||
| I was like, no way. | ||
| Not Peter, man. | ||
| No way, dude. | ||
| Because if you're going to have a porn idol, that's the one to have. | ||
| Dude shoots these giant monster loads. | ||
| But then you go and find some videos online. | ||
| There's a dude sucking his cock. | ||
| And you're like, hey, hey, hey. | ||
| And this dude's boning him in the ass. | ||
| Hey, hey, hey. | ||
| And he tried to say there was like a body double. | ||
| Son, there ain't no CGI that good. | ||
| Did we talk about the Hungriest Bud Award? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did we talk about that already? | ||
| We did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We talked about it on stage. | ||
| I think it was the second time that you came on. | ||
| Oh, we did? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We talked about it on the podcast? | ||
| Yeah, second time. | ||
| That is a crazy story. | ||
| That's a good story. | ||
| It is a good story. | ||
| The quick version of it is that a friend of ours... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't say his name. | |
| Well, I won't say it. | ||
| I think we did. | ||
| A friend of ours... | ||
| No, we didn't. | ||
| We never did. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| A friend of ours was running a small mixed martial arts corporation, and he found... | ||
| They did an internet search on one of their fighters, and they found out that he had won the Hungriest Butt Award. | ||
| And then they Googled him. | ||
| There was no Google back then. | ||
| This was like the 90s. | ||
| And they found some online pictures of him. | ||
| With two dudes treating him like Chinese finger handcuffs. | ||
| How many dicks in your ass do you have to get in a year to get that award? | ||
| What was the criteria? | ||
| I think it's just what they called a video to sell it. | ||
| I don't think there was really an award show. | ||
| No, I think he won like AVM. It was AVM, Hungriest Butt or something. | ||
| I think it was the name of a video, the Hungriest Butt Awards or something like that. | ||
| It wasn't an actual award that he won? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Look, we could give out an award for the hungriest butt. | ||
| Porn awards are fake, by the way. | ||
| Brian wins it. | ||
| You're in the business. | ||
| Do you know who the Hillel Gracie of gay porn is? | ||
| Who is the master? | ||
| Who just crushes everybody? | ||
| Who's the Kelly Slater? | ||
| For guy gay porn? | ||
| For gay porn. | ||
| I don't know anything about guy gay porn. | ||
| There must be. | ||
| There must be a Jenna Jameson of gay porn, right? | ||
| Like the master of gay porn. | ||
| Number one gay male gay porn star. | ||
| We shouldn't even be Googling this. | ||
| This probably puts you on a list. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right? | |
| Male gay porn star. | ||
| Is there a guy that just stands head and shoulders above everyone else? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe Twitter would know. | ||
| I bet if we asked Twitter, Dear Twitter, what is the number one gay male porn star in the world? | ||
| Is there a Michael Jordan of gay porn? | ||
| I will read off the first answer. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I think there's so many... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's always some Lance Armstrong type motherfucker that figures things out that other people can't. | ||
| Just rises to the top and becomes famous at a genre where no one else is getting famous. | ||
| Is there gay gangbangs? | ||
| Is there a dude who went through 50 dudes? | ||
| Do they DP or triple P in the butthole? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Do they do that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Why are you asking me? | ||
| Okay, this guy says, Brent Corrigan, or this is a woman, rather, Ampers, and she says it's Brent Corrigan that might be her ex-boyfriend. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Oh, yeah, it might be her ex-boyfriend. | ||
| She might be like, this fucking clown. | ||
| I'm going to get him on the Joe Rogan podcast. | ||
| Okay, let's see. | ||
| He's a male, modern, gay pornographer, best known for his stage name, Yep, there he is. | ||
| What's so special about him? | ||
| Best known for his roles in Schoolboy Crush... | ||
| And Velvet Mafia. | ||
| He has won six Gay VN. They have the Gay VNs. | ||
| Gay VN Awards, including Best Bottom Award. | ||
| Two consecutive years. | ||
| Do they count the butthole, or are they just talking about the shape of the butt? | ||
| Best Bottom is you being on the bottom, taking in the ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Best Bottom. | |
| They wouldn't say bottom instead of butthole. | ||
| Jesus Christ, they're pretty open about how they feel. | ||
| Imagine the after party. | ||
| They would say, I love his bottom. | ||
| No, they'd say his asshole. | ||
| What's the record for gay gangbangs? | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| What the fuck, Brian? | ||
| This guy's been in a lot of goddamn movies. | ||
| Alright, let's find out. | ||
| What would we say? | ||
| Gay gangbang record? | ||
| Gangbang record. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Grease holds the record for the biggest gay gangbang. | ||
| Grease the movie? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's probably a dude. | ||
| This was 780 men. | ||
| They crush us regular chicks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Going nuts on ass butt sucking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| 780 men. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But not one dude, right? | ||
| Yeah, what about one dude? | ||
| Yeah, just one dude. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Dude, I believe they gotta crush women. | ||
| Because women are doing like 50, maybe 100 is the record, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think so? | |
| But women's have vaginas that are probably more adorable than buttholes. | ||
| I think... | ||
| The problem is finding these guys that get in line and film it, gay guys, finding that would be hard because it's 10% of the population. | ||
| It would be hard. | ||
| But if the numbers weren't a problem, they were willing to ship people in, I think gay porn would crush regular porn and gangbangs. | ||
| Wow, listen to this though, man. | ||
| Listen to this shit. | ||
| The most ejaculatory orgasms ever recorded in one hour for a man is 16. 16. In one hour? | ||
| Orgasms recorded in one hour for a man. | ||
| Dude, who's that guy? | ||
| Four. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Four. | |
| The furthest a woman has ever been recorded to ejaculate was 9 feet 29 inches. | ||
| Why would it be 9 feet 29 inches or 12 inches as a foot? | ||
| That's stupid. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| A guy came 16 times in an hour? | ||
| Why does it say 9 feet 29 inches? | ||
| Oh, it says 3 meters. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Is that... | ||
| 3 meters is just 9 feet, right? | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's 3 feet per meter. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Roughly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So 3 meters is 9 feet. | ||
| So why is it 9 feet 29 inches? | ||
| That doesn't make any sense if 12 inches is a foot. | ||
| Anyway, whatever the fuck this says. | ||
| The greatest distance ever attained for a jet of semen that has ever been recorded is 18 feet 9 inches. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| That had to be Lexington Steel. | ||
| Horst Schultz, that's the guy's name, that shot a load that went 18 feet in the air. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Up in the air or across? | ||
| Either way, it's fantastic. | ||
| It's got to be a distance. | ||
| No way, it could be straight up. | ||
| Dude, 18 feet is ridiculous. | ||
| He must have an arch to it. | ||
| A nice arch, like a McDonald's sign type thing going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
St. Louis. | |
| For 18 feet. | ||
| Did they video it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| These are all world records. | ||
| This is the top 10 sex world records. | ||
| It's on Believe It or Not. | ||
| The average speed of a man's loads. | ||
| What would you say your average speed of your loads would be? | ||
| Like 35 miles an hour. | ||
| What do you think, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
82. 28 miles an hour. | |
| 28 miles an hour. | ||
| So you're pretty close. | ||
| It's pretty close. | ||
| Do you think if your car drove by, you could tell the difference between a car going 28 miles an hour and 35 miles an hour? | ||
| That's pretty fucking close. | ||
| Having swallowed the most amount of semen ever officially recorded, Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July of 1991. Was it pumped out for her ass? | ||
| That'd be awesome. | ||
| Dude, 1.7 pints. | ||
| But maybe if she had like a glass of coconut water, C2O. Very delicious. | ||
| Right before. | ||
| And it mixed in with the loads. | ||
| Maybe it might have increased the size of the quantity of fluid in her. | ||
| You know, when she threw up, maybe she was throwing up loads and a Sprite. | ||
| You don't know, right? | ||
| Right? | ||
| What, are they going to test it? | ||
| Make sure it's 100% loads? | ||
| No, they just looked at it. | ||
| And a slice of pizza. | ||
| You wouldn't know the difference. | ||
| Yeah, she just came into a big, one of those big glass baking measurement cups. | ||
| She just threw up in it. | ||
| It was 1.7. | ||
| The fuck is this podcast comedy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The female gangbang record is owned by a woman named Houston who had intercourse with 620 men. | ||
| I think that's been beaten. | ||
| Yeah, that's been beaten by then. | ||
| 600 guys? | ||
| Yeah, that's old. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| I don't think it really is 600 men, though. | ||
| I think what they do is they do the same guys and they keep rotating them. | ||
| And they consider that. | ||
| So if a girl fucks two dudes and they switch off a couple times, she can say she fucked 15 guys? | ||
| This doesn't even have gay. | ||
| It has male gangbang. | ||
| Male gangbang world record goes to porn star John Doe, who worked himself over 55 women in one day. | ||
| He had five to six ejaculations. | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Fifty chicks? | ||
| Meanwhile, that guy committed suicide. | ||
| That guy blew his fucking brains out. | ||
| I had four ejaculations the other day within an hour. | ||
| Yeah, but all of them were like little teardrops. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Most of them came from your eyes. | ||
| It becomes really thick and clumpy. | ||
| Like, it's not hatched yet. | ||
| I'm coming. | ||
| He counts it when he cries. | ||
| I'm coming. | ||
| I'm coming. | ||
| Was this masturbation? | ||
| I'm coming on you with my tears, you fucking bitch. | ||
| Were you on ecstasy? | ||
| No. | ||
| You weren't on ecstasy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I just have a hot girlfriend that makes me have boners all day. | |
| Are you bragging, bro? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm just saying that, like, literally, I can have sex non-stop all day. | |
| Did you hear bragging in the air? | ||
| What's that smell? | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Do you believe him? | ||
| That's hard to believe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know anybody like that. | |
| It's possible. | ||
| It's all possible, dude. | ||
| If you were, like, some super alpha Quentin Jackson-looking motherfucker, I might buy it. | ||
| I might believe it. | ||
| But maybe all your testosterone is just stored up in your balls and your body doesn't use any of it for muscle development or, you know, behavior or any of that shit. | ||
| It's all just in your balls ready to shoot. | ||
| Seriously, two minutes, like a minute after I come, if I look at this... | ||
| Boner comes right back. | ||
| Just put your fucking pictures of your girlfriend away. | ||
| You're making me sad. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| It never goes away. | ||
| For the first time in my life, my boner never goes down. | ||
| You know why he's saying this? | ||
| Because he knows his ex-girlfriend listens to the podcast. | ||
| That's not why. | ||
| I swear to God, it's not why. | ||
| You couldn't do that to Taylor? | ||
| Where's Joey Diaz right now? | ||
| You couldn't do that to Taylor? | ||
| Where's Taylor Vixen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All day? | |
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a different thing, right, Brian? | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It's love this time. | ||
| You'll never find. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, what the fuck are you doing, man? | |
| Tech guy. | ||
| So hot in your room. | ||
| That's pretty impressive, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It really is. | |
| Yeah, well, I just thought it was weird because I never thought it was possible in my life. | ||
| Like, I've always wondered how, like, guys in porn do it and stuff like that. | ||
| She's sneaking some Viagra in your drink, son. | ||
| It might be because, like, I've already said that. | ||
| I think she's like... | ||
| Do you think she's sneaking it in there? | ||
| Maybe she got tired of you. | ||
| Remember you say you would fall asleep because you were too tired to go down on her and then fall asleep because you were too tired to do anything. | ||
| You'd do her and then you'd fall asleep. | ||
| You talked about it on the podcast. | ||
| Not her? | ||
| Yes, you did. | ||
| My current girlfriend. | ||
| Yes, you did. | ||
| What'd I say? | ||
| You said she was horny and you were too tired to have sex with her so you would go down her. | ||
| No, that was one time. | ||
| That was one time. | ||
| One time. | ||
| Maybe that time she's like, I'm tired of this shit. | ||
| I want to get fucked. | ||
| And so she started crumpling up Viagra and I'm going to cook for you tonight, honey. | ||
| She made you a nice Viagra meatloaf. | ||
| In like 2001, I got third row tickets to The Cure. | ||
| I was so jazzed. | ||
| Remember Born Again, that stripper? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
| He was dating a stripper that was a born-again Christian, so he'd call her Born Again. | ||
| Yeah, that was her nickname, Born Again. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So anyways, she was only stripping just to pay for school, but she was like hardcore Christian. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| But we were going to The Cure. | ||
| So I'm like, I need some ecstasy for this concert. | ||
| So I meet up with my buddy in the afternoon to get some ecstasy. | ||
| And I always have vitamin bottles with me. | ||
| And I put them in my vitamin bottles. | ||
| And I go, when I eat, I'm going to take them out of the vitamin bottle and, you know, eat and take my vitamins. | ||
| It's one o'clock. | ||
| I go to El Pollo Loco. | ||
| We're sitting. | ||
| We're going to leave around seven. | ||
| I eat my chicken, sitting there watching TV, and I just got really horny. | ||
| I just looked at her and I'm like, I'm going to fucking beast fuck this chick. | ||
| So I threw her in the bed. | ||
| I'm fucking the shit out of her. | ||
| I'm like, God damn! | ||
| It feels like I'm on ecstasy. | ||
| And I go, oh my God! | ||
| I jumped off the bed, went, opened up my vitamin bottle. | ||
| I was like, fuck! | ||
| Are you fucking serious? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I took two hits of ecstasy. | |
| I took hers too. | ||
| I forgot to pull them out of my vitamins. | ||
| I didn't know I was on ecstasy until right in the middle of sex. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| It was incredible sex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, it's like I'm on E, man. | |
| That's funny. | ||
| I flew off that bed. | ||
| I thought that E is supposed to kill your boner. | ||
| Didn't you say that you would take Viagra and E together because you would call it ecstasy? | ||
| After a while. | ||
| After a while, it kills your boner. | ||
| But not in the beginning. | ||
| In the beginning, you get really, really horny. | ||
| But if you want to go... | ||
| E? Because when you're on E, yeah. | ||
| Well, people are different. | ||
| No, no, people are different. | ||
| Like, for me, if, you know, back in the days when every now and then I'd pop an E-pill, I would get a boner really quick. | ||
| How many times have you done E in your life? | ||
| How many times? | ||
| Man, back when I was younger, I probably did E... Maybe... | ||
| 40 times. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Is that a lot? | ||
| That explains a lot, dude. | ||
| That explains a lot. | ||
| What do you mean it explains a lot? | ||
| It was when I was younger. | ||
| This motherfucker's taking shit he doesn't even know what it is. | ||
| He's taking bath salts. | ||
| You gotta get your shit from reputable sources. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You need to find some friendly person that works at a club somewhere. | ||
| But ecstasy's bad, okay? | ||
| I don't... | ||
| It kills your brain. | ||
| It for sure does. | ||
| Sure, ecstasy's not bad. | ||
| The MDMA? The problem is that you don't know what you're taking. | ||
| Yeah, bath salt boy. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That stuff's supposed to be really... | ||
| Have you seen this crocodile shit? | ||
| The shit that they're taking in the Soviet Union? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're shooting it up and it's making your skin rot away. | ||
| There's all these photos of people with their bones hanging off. | ||
| Literally, your bones exposed from wherever they shot it up. | ||
| Like, their flesh has deteriorated to the point where their bones are exposed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's crazy to look at, man. | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| What a weird world we live in, man. | ||
| People will take some drug that will make your skin literally rot off your body. | ||
| People will take some shit that they think is ecstasy and it turns out to be some weird fucking amphetamine that somebody made in the lab. | ||
| Who knows what the fuck it's going to do to you. | ||
| And it's not the end. | ||
| They're going to keep coming up with more and more of these things. | ||
| Kill off the dummies. | ||
| Yeah, these bath salts. | ||
| That's you, bro. | ||
| You took that shit. | ||
| Does that scare you when you think of that? | ||
| That you could have taken something really nutty? | ||
| No. | ||
| When you buy stuff like that, if you buy ecstasy, doesn't that scare you? | ||
| You never know. | ||
| You might get it from some dude. | ||
| Yeah, it is scary. | ||
| Have you heard about this cocaine that's making people's fucking flesh rot? | ||
| Have you heard about this shit? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's some cocaine. | ||
| There's bad cocaine that's in California. | ||
| It's in New York. | ||
| And it's treated with some livestock dewormer. | ||
| That's what they cut it with. | ||
| Let me look it up right now because it's fucking crazy. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's cocaine, bad cocaine in Los Angeles and New York City, tainted with some sort of a livestock dewormer. | ||
| Yeah, it's really fucked up. | ||
| What happens to you when you do it? | ||
| They're getting really bad noses, ears, and cheeks develop ugly purple swatches of dead skin. | ||
| This is like, it's called Lavamisole. | ||
| That's the stuff. | ||
| And the dealers are cutting it with this shit. | ||
| And they say like 90% of the cocaine in New York and California is contaminated with this shit. | ||
| 90% of the cocaine in California. | ||
| Excuse me, 70%. | ||
| The U.S. Department of Justice is reporting this. | ||
| Okay, by the way, this is just the U.S. Department of Justice. | ||
| They might just be saying this to cut out the cocaine business. | ||
| They're saying up to 70% of the cocaine in the US is contaminated with this lavamisole, which is cheap and widely available and commonly used for deworming livestock. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| You would think that that would be something that someone who hates cocaine users would do. | ||
| You would think that that would be someone who actually wants to stop people from using cocaine. | ||
| They would mix it in there so that people would stop coming back. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Why would you do that if you're trying to sell more cocaine? | ||
| That almost seems like something the government would do, man. | ||
| Sounds like the whole story is probably fake and they're just putting it out there to scare you like people on Pirate Bay like, oh, there's a virus in this vial. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe, but it's on LA Weekly. | ||
| Seems like they would do their due diligence, don't you think? | ||
| Yeah, LA Weekly, definitely. | ||
| Don't you think? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You fell asleep on me, you motherfucker. | ||
| No, I'm just... | ||
| You're thinking about your girlfriend's ass right now. | ||
| No, I just said LA Weekly. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| What do you think, Eddie? | ||
| Do you think that they would do this? | ||
| Who the fuck would do this? | ||
| Do you think this is the government? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Do you see the UFO videos over London? | ||
| Do you believe in those? | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| I saw... | ||
| What does that look like to you? | ||
| There's so many videos like that. | ||
| It looks like CGI to me. | ||
| It's too convenient. | ||
| The way it's set up is too convenient. | ||
| There's a bunch of people standing there looking up, and everybody's looking up, and they're catching these things, and they fly in and out of the clouds. | ||
| I've seen it, but... | ||
| You know what really makes me think that it's too convenient? | ||
| The guy looks up, films some of the UFOs, and then looks down at all these people watching, which is the fucking last thing that you would do if you actually thought you saw real UFOs flying through the air. | ||
| You would keep the fucking camera on them. | ||
| You wouldn't want to turn it and point it down at all these people watching. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe you don't know what the hell it is. | ||
| Like, look, everyone's tripping out. | ||
| Yeah, but he showed that before. | ||
| He showed everybody looking up at this guy, and then he catches this. | ||
| So they think they're all actors? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's fake. | ||
| People get a kick out of doing shit like that. | ||
| They think it's cute. | ||
| So much fake shit on the internet now. | ||
| That's one of the fun things about the internet, trying to figure out what's fake and what's not. | ||
| Brian's the master at that shit. | ||
| He calls fakes. | ||
| He calls fakes better than anybody. | ||
| But sometimes he's off. | ||
| Sometimes it's just sound sync problems. | ||
| And it looks fake. | ||
| Look at this cocaine shit. | ||
| Look at what it's doing to these people. | ||
| It's making their skin rot off. | ||
| It's making their ear turn blue and black. | ||
| Your skin's fucking falling off. | ||
| That's from cocaine? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Some people have suffered permanent scarring on their body from this shit. | ||
| I got the good shit. | ||
| Make your nose fall off. | ||
| This message brought to you by Prescription Pills. | ||
| What is that shit? | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called Levamasole. | ||
| Levamasole? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| L-E-V-A-M-I-S-O-L-E. | ||
| Levamasole. | ||
| It's bad for you, kids. | ||
| And on that note, I think this fucking podcast started off real strong. | ||
| And then somewhere else we lost a lot of steam. | ||
| We got into gay porn. | ||
| It's always after two hours. | ||
| It was my fault. | ||
| We got into gay porn and Brian started reminiscing about his girlfriend. | ||
| Oh, you guys brought her up. | ||
| Look at her pictures. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Somebody will be on the podcast. | ||
| The guy from Ancient Aliens is coming on the podcast. | ||
| And he's coming on at the end of July. | ||
| It'll be July 27th. | ||
| And his name is Giorgio. | ||
| And this is a tough one to pronounce. | ||
| T-S-O-U-K-A-L-O-S. I think the T is silent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Giorgio Sucolos. | ||
| Sucolos, maybe? | ||
| Sucolos? | ||
| Giorgio Sucolos. | ||
| And he's the guy from Ancient Aliens with the crazy hair who's a self-professed, wacky, alien-loving bastard. | ||
| Because that's what I called him. | ||
| And he said, yes, guilty as charged. | ||
| He's cool as fuck. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| And I'm excited to have him on because we're going to talk about some weird shit. | ||
| You should probably be on that one, man. | ||
| I would love to ask him questions. | ||
| Yeah, you should probably be in on that one. | ||
| That would be a fun conversation. | ||
| That's July 27th? | ||
| Yeah, we might have to bring you in on that one. | ||
| We'd have to bring Eddie Bravo in with the alien dude. | ||
| I would be honored. | ||
| Yeah, because no one loves aliens more than you and him. | ||
| You and him together would be a fucking tsunami of alien love. | ||
| Don't you have aliens all over your logos? | ||
| I love aliens, bro. | ||
| I don't necessarily believe in them. | ||
| I don't have any aliens in my logos. | ||
| Well, my whole logo is an alien. | ||
| And flying saucers and shit. | ||
| Aliens are assholes. | ||
| Oh yeah, man. | ||
| I'm down. | ||
| I love the idea. | ||
| You have more UFO DVDs than I do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You have like 200 of them. | ||
| I've got everything. | ||
| But that's why I don't believe in them. | ||
| I've seen so much stuff, I think, the way I look at it, and this is not that I don't believe in them, because it's not that I don't believe in them. | ||
| I don't not believe. | ||
| I don't believe UFOs don't exist. | ||
| I don't believe that. | ||
| My mind is open about it, but I'm not convinced either way. | ||
| But the way I look at it is like, everyone's got a goddamn camera on their phone. | ||
| Everyone does now. | ||
| You would think that if I meet a thousand people, okay, out of every thousand people that I meet, at least ten of them are fucking morons. | ||
| Extreme morons, right? | ||
| If you meet a thousand, wouldn't you say ten are just complete idiots, pathological liars, completely fucked up, right? | ||
| A good solid ten, right? | ||
| So I would think that... | ||
| If there's that many people that are idiots and fucked up, and then you look at the number of UFO stories, what are the numbers? | ||
| The numbers are similar to what you'd expect from a population of retards. | ||
| Yeah, but then you look at the smartest people on the planet, you look at the smartest people on the opposite end of the spectrum, Warner Von Braun and Herman Obert, they were rocket scientists. | ||
| They not only believe in aliens, they're saying our technology came from messages from beings from other solar systems. | ||
| That's what they're saying. | ||
| Yeah, I would have to talk to them. | ||
| That's what they're saying. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| You can get a quote. | ||
| Go Warner Von Braun, quote, beings from UFO, beings from other worlds. | ||
| His exact quote is, beings from other worlds helped us Yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| I've seen that written, but who knows what that really is what he said? | ||
| You know, it's so hard when a dude's dead and he died in 1977. You know, who the fuck knows what he actually said? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, you know, he's quoted as saying it, so... | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah, maybe, but... | ||
| Two different guys? | ||
| No, I think, look, it is entirely possible. | ||
| If it's proven that the quote was actually legit, like, yes, here's the video of him actually saying it, then what happens at that point? | ||
| That's pretty convincing evidence. | ||
| Maybe, or maybe he's a troll. | ||
| Maybe Wernher von Braun is a big Nazi troll. | ||
| I mean, the thing about Wernher von Braun is he was the head of NASA, but he was a confirmed Nazi. | ||
| And the Simon Wiesenthal Center said if that guy was alive today, They would prosecute him for crimes against humanity. | ||
| So who the fuck knows? | ||
| He could have been trolling. | ||
| But I don't believe that it's impossible. | ||
| It's definitely possible. | ||
| So I'm looking forward to having this Giorgio dude on. | ||
| It should be a fascinating conversation. | ||
| I want to find out how his brain works, man. | ||
| Because he says a lot of crazy stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to know. | |
| Yeah, he seems almost like he could be a character. | ||
| Maybe a little bit. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe it's fun. | ||
| Maybe some of it's sexy. | ||
| Sexy? | ||
| Yeah, it's sexy. | ||
| It's sexy to believe in Bigfoot. | ||
| It's sexy to believe in aliens. | ||
| It's sexy to believe in all that shit. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| But that's coming up. | ||
| I don't know who's going to be on tomorrow, but we'll get somebody. | ||
| And then maybe Thursday is going to be my friend Jan Ervin. | ||
| You know Jan, the dude who wrote all the books on mushrooms and religion. | ||
| The problem is he's got the flu, and I don't want the fucking flu. | ||
| Yeah, let's give him a couple weeks. | ||
| He's the guy that turned you on to Terrence McKenna. | ||
| Yeah, he turned me on to a lot of things. | ||
| He's a fascinating cat. | ||
| He's a real odd duck, and he's written two books now on psychedelics and religion. | ||
| And he was with us when we first did DMT. He was with us when you had that crazy bad trip. | ||
| The first one was horrible. | ||
| Yeah, it was pretty bad. | ||
| Screaming and yelling. | ||
| Screaming. | ||
| Throwing up. | ||
| Eddie fucked up and he ate food right before he went on his trip, which you're never supposed to do. | ||
| You're not supposed to have anything in your stomach when you go on the trip because your body kind of freaks out. | ||
| So he, in the middle of this trip, Gets up and I have to help him get to the sink and you threw up in the sink. | ||
| You hurled in the sink. | ||
| Didn't I throw up all over the floor? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You made it to the sink. | ||
| You made it to the sink. | ||
| You don't even remember the story that could, right? | ||
| I don't remember where I threw up. | ||
| I just don't remember exactly. | ||
| I thought it was Edie Burgale the whole time, too. | ||
| I was like, wow, Joe's hanging out with Edie Burgale because whoever wrote this whole story on your message board didn't put Eddie Bravo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That was Jan. | ||
| Jan changed the names of everything. | ||
| Yeah, and I thought it was Edie Burgale. | ||
| Did Jan change it or was it Johnny Rotten? | ||
| I think it was Johnny Rotten, maybe. | ||
| It was either Jan or Johnny Rotten, change the names of everything. | ||
| I threw up in the sink in your little bar, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| That's where you threw up. | ||
| And then I looked up at you, and I remember, because I was screaming, and I was screaming. | ||
| And I looked up at you, and I'm like, I'm alright, don't worry about me. | ||
| And then, like, that was like me letting you know, just let me fucking throw up, let me scream, I'm gonna be fine. | ||
| Well, the thing about bad trips is the real bad trips happen when you're trying to control the experience. | ||
| The whole idea is to just let go and let this journey happen. | ||
| You've got to trust in the psychedelic, but you were fighting it tooth and claw, and it was ugly. | ||
| That first time was a disaster. | ||
| Shazam. | ||
| This Friday night, July 1st, we will all be in Las Vegas, Brian included. | ||
| So if you want to hug Brian, come on down. | ||
| We met this dude who had a fucking Death Squad tattoo. | ||
| Your little logo. | ||
| This guy had a tattoo. | ||
| I think there's four people now with it. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And there's a few that have the higher primary tattoos, too. | ||
| And there's a bunch of... | ||
| How many 10th Planet tattoos are there now? | ||
| There's a bunch, man. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| We're causing people to get ink on their skin. | ||
| Running people's skin. | ||
| No, we're not. | ||
| The Death Squad tattoo's awesome, man. | ||
| Making it prettier. | ||
| This Friday night, we will all be at Mandalay Bay. | ||
| It's going to be Joey Diaz, Ari Shafir, me, and Doug Benson's going to stop by. | ||
| He's going to do a guest set. | ||
| And Brian, if we get him drunk enough, we might push him in front of the microphone. | ||
| I'm going to push you on at the end, the very end. | ||
| You're going to come out and talk to the crowd. | ||
| Do some Q&A. Some Q&A when you're on acid. | ||
| So that's this Friday night. | ||
| And then next weekend, we are in Irvine at the Irvine Improv. | ||
| And that should be fun as fuck. | ||
| It's always fun. | ||
| Yeah, Irvine is great. | ||
| The Irvine weekend is the 8th, 9th, and 10th of July. | ||
| So that's it, bitches. | ||
| Thanks for tuning in, everybody. | ||
| And we will see you all tomorrow. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And thanks to The Fleshlight. | ||
| Can I? Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight. | ||
| Entering the code name ROGAN, you get 15% off the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Go ahead, fella. | ||
| Shoot some loads in it, knowing that you have saved a couple dollars. | ||
| I got a seminar in El Paso, Texas, July 23rd, I think. | ||
| That shit's right close to the border, right? | ||
| And next week is the 10th Planet Cruise. | ||
| I don't know if it's too late, but we're going on a cruise, man. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Next Monday to Friday. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Where do you start? | ||
| Where does it start? | ||
| I don't know too much about it. | ||
| Who's organized it? | ||
| Donna and Amy from Legends. | ||
| They put it all together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| We got 70 guys going. | ||
| 70 guys. | ||
| What are the chances dudes are going to buttfuck each other? | ||
| A lot of people are bringing their wives, actually. | ||
| A lot of people are bringing their wives. | ||
| Well, that cuts down a little. | ||
| Still 50 guys. | ||
| So that's next Monday. | ||
| I'm not sure, again, if it's too late or not, but if you go to 10thplanetjj.com on the forum, there's information up there. | ||
| And also 10thplanetcruise.com, I think. | ||
| Dude, that sounds fucking awesome. | ||
| That's going to be fun, man. | ||
| Are you scared that anybody might freak out that someone taps somebody and then they just throw them overboard? | ||
| Can you imagine being on that cruise with your wife? | ||
| Like, hey, happy anniversary! | ||
| Oh, what the fuck is going on here? | ||
| 70 train killers. | ||
| I'm going to teach a seminar. | ||
| Danny's going to teach seminars. | ||
| On the boat. | ||
| On the boat. | ||
| We're going to have seminars on the boat. | ||
| It's like the Gracie thing. | ||
| We didn't invent this. | ||
| The Gracie's. | ||
| Oh, the Gracie's do a Gracie cruise? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They have a Gracie cruise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| We need to do a Desquad cruise. | ||
| How cool would that be? | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to go on a boat and be stuck. | ||
| Be scared. | ||
| What if there's some weirdos on the boat and they know where your cabin is and knock on? | ||
| Eddie, can I... You gotta get the VIP suite. | ||
| VIP suite. | ||
| Alright, folks. | ||
| Thank you, Mr. Bravo. | ||
| Follow Eddie on Twitter. | ||
| Eddie Bravo on Twitter. | ||
| E-D-D-I-E. Bravo. | ||
| Just how it's spelled. | ||
| You know how it works. | ||
| Brian is Red Band. | ||
| And you can also subscribe to the Red... | ||
| The Death Squad series of podcasts that Brian hosts on iTunes. | ||
| It's called Death Squad, and it's Sam Tripoli's podcast, Tom Segura's podcast, Ari Shafir's podcast, and a bunch of other different ones. | ||
| Every now and then they're throwing in new ones into the mix, but they're very entertaining and fun, especially if you're into liquid ass and people sticking fingers in other people's fleshlights. | ||
| Thank you, everybody. | ||
| See you tomorrow. |
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