May 2, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:10:51
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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To go. | |
| The JoeRogan.net podcast. | ||
| What is this podcast called? | ||
| JoeRoganExperience.net. | ||
| It's my fucking website. | ||
| I'm just making shit up. | ||
| The JoeRoganExperience podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link that says Fleshlight and put in the code name Rogan, you will save 15% off. | ||
| How about that, Duncan Trussell? | ||
| I am not joking. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| What was that said? | ||
| Buckle up, bitches. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Ladies and gentlemen, in this amazing moment in human history where not only was a prince wed, but a couple days in this amazing moment in human history where not only was a prince wed, but a We are in the middle of an awesome movie. | ||
| That's what's going on. | ||
| We have a black president. | ||
| Princes are getting married in front of billions of people. | ||
| Everyone is happy for them. | ||
| And we killed the bad guy who was living in squalor in Pakistan. | ||
| I'll tell you what, I thought a million bucks would buy you a little bit more in Pakistan. | ||
| I thought for a million bucks you could own Pakistan. | ||
| I didn't know you would get that shithole house. | ||
| You're like, this is Osama bin Laden's million dollar compound in Afghanistan. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| Is it just like the most fertile heroin ground in the world? | ||
| I mean, what the fuck is it? | ||
| Why is that house worth a million bucks? | ||
| I think it was built exactly to hide him, so I think it was probably a large underground bunker type situation. | ||
| Or it had a lot of security and a lot of firewalls and stuff like that. | ||
| Maybe? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was thinking that they were going to find him in fucking Woodland Hills or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's what I thought. | |
| I was pretty surprised that they found him in Pakistan. | ||
| Yeah, I was too. | ||
| It seems like he would have been... | ||
| Well, the thing about that dude, I think, is he's got to be around his kind. | ||
| You know, he's got to be around militants only. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| No moderate people are going to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| That's Osama bin Laden, okay? | ||
| We're not talking about Muhammad here. | ||
| We're not talking about the guy that wrote the Quran. | ||
| We're talking about this guy who's probably the head of a gigantic terrorist organization and used to work for the CIA. Bin Laden did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bin Laden was working for the CIA. You didn't know that? | ||
| No, I didn't know that. | ||
| Who says that? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Everybody? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, wait. | ||
| No, I think he had some kind of agreement. | ||
| He was in the mail room. | ||
| He had an agreement with what president was the original Bush or something like that. | ||
| I do remember that. | ||
| Barely remember. | ||
| Some kind of training. | ||
| He was set up for some kind of training. | ||
| Well, there's all sorts of allegations. | ||
| The bottom line is that the United States, the CIA, the whatever the fuck you want to call them, whatever we're under... | ||
| What they did was they got all these people in Afghanistan to fight against the Soviet Union. | ||
| And they helped them. | ||
| They helped the Mujahideen. | ||
| They helped train them. | ||
| They helped arm them. | ||
| And Osama bin Laden was a part of that. | ||
| And when the Soviet Union got out of Afghanistan, And, you know, whatever happened overseas that shifted, you know, the Taliban and Al-Qaeda's interest in, you know, taking out the United States instead of taking out Russia, instead of defending themselves. | ||
| When shit got weird with Afghanistan, that's when Homeboy came into the picture. | ||
| And then he basically took over over there. | ||
| Supposedly. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| You know, when you start talking about what the CIA did and, you know, what they're doing, the Contras and the Sandinistas, are you sure? | ||
| Because, you know, they've been lying about everything for so long. | ||
| Who the fuck knows if Osama bin Laden really... | ||
| Alex Jones thinks he's been dead for nine years. | ||
| They froze him nine years ago, froze him, and they're pulling him out right strategically in line for when the new elections are setting up. | ||
|
unidentified
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See, what they did was they threw out this bogus birth certificate. | |
| Have you seen the bogus birth certificate? | ||
| Oh, you mean the PDF? It's fake, man. | ||
| Oh, yeah, totally fake. | ||
| What people need to know, I asked a thread about this last night, and the general consensus among people who understand Photoshop I put up a thread on the message board asking, Photoshop wizards, please check this thing out and tell me what's up. | ||
| And there's a bunch of videos. | ||
| What people don't know is a lot of people are claiming Osama bin, or not Osama bin. | ||
| Isn't it weird that the president's name is right next to this evil, evil terrorist? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| You would think he would change his name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, Kevin James changed his name. | ||
| His name was Nipfing. | ||
| Nipfing? | ||
| Nipfing, like with a K. Nothing wrong with that. | ||
| Just a complicated name to spell. | ||
| He didn't want to go the Arnold Schwarzenegger take a chance route. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, like, Jeff Ross. | ||
| Wasn't Jeff Ross like Jeff Lipschultz or something like that? | ||
| Brian Redband. | ||
| That Redband dude. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| That Redband guy. | ||
| He was like some Nazi name or something like that. | ||
| Well, maybe it would draw more attention to the fact, like if Obama had changed his name before running for president to Luther or Will. | ||
| For poor white people, he is such a nightmare because his nickname, his middle name is Hussein. | ||
| It's like he couldn't be more fucked up, his name. | ||
| His name couldn't be more threatening. | ||
| That is weird. | ||
| For dumb white people, that must be so terrorizing. | ||
| You know, just fuck, fuck, fuck. | ||
| Anyway, for people who don't know, supposedly he faked his birth certificate. | ||
| And what they did was people took the image that the White House released online and they took the image and they ran it through Photoshop or Adobe Photo Elements and they saw that there were many layers to the photograph and that the photograph wasn't just one flat photograph, that things had been added supposedly or... | ||
| That it looked like things had been cut and paste. | ||
| But the general consensus among people who understand Photoshop seems to be that when you scan something and you put it in Adobe Photoshop, it shows layers automatically. | ||
| OCR, that character recognition thing, what it does is it tries to grab the words and puts them in layers for whatever reason. | ||
| I don't know why it does it. | ||
| It's annoying. | ||
| My scanner does it all the time. | ||
| It's annoying, but you would think that people would ask about this before they would make all these crazy claims that it's definitely fake. | ||
| Because look, it's probably fake anyway. | ||
| You think it's fake? | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| It's anti-American to care, okay? | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| You should be able to be American because you somehow or another snuck in first? | ||
| You both got in. | ||
| You went in through the channels that we all agreed upon. | ||
| Did you really agree on those channels? | ||
| Because I didn't agree on them. | ||
| I think we could do a lot better in deciding who gets to stay here and who doesn't. | ||
| I know a lot of cool people that want to come here and can't. | ||
| And there's cunts here. | ||
| Plenty of them. | ||
| So who gives a fuck? | ||
| We're all immigrants. | ||
| The United States is based on the idea of immigration. | ||
| Come to some place from somewhere that sucks and let's make this place better. | ||
| That's the whole thing. | ||
| That's the whole thing. | ||
| That is what the United States is. | ||
| So when people start fucking tripping about, he wasn't really born here. | ||
| You have to be shit out on the right patch of dirt to make you eligible to run it. | ||
| That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. | ||
|
unidentified
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Well, regardless of whether or not you think it's Great wisdom. | |
| They were dumb as fuck and they had wooden teeth. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| And slaves. | ||
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unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| And they were fucking their slaves. | ||
| Were they really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Thomas Jefferson was fucking a slave. | ||
| That's, yeah. | ||
| Like, it wasn't just like they were just, you know, happened to have slaves. | ||
| Because that's what some people say that, you know, back then it was a, that was normal and they were just doing what was normal and they didn't like it. | ||
| But what about fucking your slave? | ||
| Well, do you think that people who own, like, McDonald's, a lot of them will fuck their employees? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Isn't that kind of the same thing? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| If you've got someone working for you at McDonald's, they're doing a full-time shift at McDonald's, they can't go anywhere. | ||
| I mean, they're fucking slaves. | ||
| No, the difference is, McDonald's is a chain, and slaves are in chains. | ||
| That's the fucking difference. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I mean, there's a big difference between working at McDonald's and having a manacle on and the door opens and some fucking horny guy in a wig comes in and fucks you. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| But I think what they realized about slavery, the reason why people were willing to let slavery go, since it was such a fucking horrendous idea, and people were willing to impose themselves so much on other people that they literally owned that person. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| But I think eventually they realize you don't have to own them. | ||
| Just get them addicted to things. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Get them addicted to working. | ||
| Get them addicted to things. | ||
| You need a new car. | ||
| Look at this shiny car. | ||
| You need a new car. | ||
|
unidentified
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But that car is $40,000 and I don't need to make $40,000 in a year. | |
| Listen, we've got financing. | ||
| We've got 0% down. | ||
| You don't have to pay a single payment for three months. | ||
| By then you'll be up on your feet. | ||
| Yeah, by then. | ||
| Yeah, by then. | ||
| Next thing you know, this fucking moron lives in an apartment he can't afford, with a car he can't afford, and he's a slave. | ||
| He doesn't know he's a slave, but he's a slave. | ||
| If you go anywhere and fuck off, they will literally take away your ability to buy things and or throw you in jail, which is way worse than being a slave. | ||
| They're going to throw you in a cell with a bunch of guys who want to beat you and rape you. | ||
| Pay your bills, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're a fucking slave. | |
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| There is a version of that. | ||
| I mean, there's no doubt... | ||
| Brian, that thing is playing on a loop in the background. | ||
| Do you hear it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you guys hear it when we're talking? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't hear it at all anymore. | ||
| I heard drums while I was talking. | ||
|
unidentified
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I was like, what the fuck is going on? | |
| I think it's one of the microphone stands probably. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, one of the things. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| My ultra-tuned-in hearing. | ||
| But here's the difference, because I've thought about this before, which is the idea that if you're working 40 hours a week, that's its own form of slavery. | ||
| Well, the whole idea is someone can trick you into doing that. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| It's voluntary. | ||
| Instead of capture you. | ||
| It's voluntary slavery instead of involuntary. | ||
| It's mental. | ||
| It's a mental slavery. | ||
| I mean, it is and it isn't. | ||
| I mean, it is free will, and it is a society that's open, and you can work there and save up your money and move on to a better gig, and it's just a gig. | ||
| You can take it until they figure out how to make robots that can do your job. | ||
| That's really what it's there for. | ||
| But, you know, people will argue that it's slavery when you see a bunch of people that are super, super rich, and then they have super poor people that work for them. | ||
| Fucking bono. | ||
| Yeah, the difference, the total difference is the free will, though. | ||
| I mean, that's like a huge part of it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah. | |
| I mean, I'm not saying that McDonald's are slave owners. | ||
| They kind of are. | ||
| They are a little, you know, if you got someone working all week for you and you pay them $500, wow. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| And that's like, you gotta get taxed too, right? | ||
| They tax you. | ||
| So how much do you get? | ||
| Like $300? | ||
| $350 for the week. | ||
| For the week. | ||
| So you gotta live with a bunch of other people. | ||
| There's no way you can afford, and you don't have time afterwards to go to school. | ||
| When you get off work, you're fucking exhausted, man. | ||
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| You've been working behind a friolator, hating life for eight hours. | ||
| You know, the odds are you're not gonna put forth your best effort going to a college anyway. | ||
| You're going to kind of half-ass it. | ||
| Whenever I've been doing more than one thing at the same time, I never do as well. | ||
| It's why fighters can't have full-time jobs. | ||
| And comics can't have full-time jobs either. | ||
| If you have a full-time job, it's hard for you to write, man. | ||
| It's hard to really get in the sets that you need to get in. | ||
| You need to get in three, four, five a week if you can. | ||
| At least, right? | ||
| When you're writing new material. | ||
| It's hard to do that if you have kids. | ||
| It's hard to do that if you're married. | ||
| It's hard to do that if you work. | ||
| Once you're a part of a system, it's very difficult to change your life. | ||
| We have so much momentum getting on us, behind us, rather. | ||
| That when we get on a path, whatever it is, be a doctor, be a fucking whatever the fuck you want to be, be a mechanic. | ||
| Once you're on that path and you're moving, and you're like, shit, I don't like this path. | ||
| This path sucks. | ||
| Fuck, that's hard to change, man. | ||
| It is so hard to switch gears and change careers. | ||
| It might be one of the hardest things a person could do. | ||
| The reason that hallucinogens became illegal is because one of the biggest proponents of hallucinogens, Timothy Leary, He was taking LSD and was saying, tune in, turn on, drop out. | ||
| His advice to these people that you're talking about was completely drop out of society. | ||
| This game that you're playing where you think you've got to go to work and have a family, it's just a game. | ||
| It doesn't exist. | ||
| It's not a real thing. | ||
| It's time for everyone to stop playing that game and let that game die. | ||
| That was the whole point. | ||
| Dropping out of society, rejecting completely everything. | ||
| Every aspect of the society you're in and just dropping out, going into a commune or going into San Francisco and starting the summer of love and wearing beads and dancing in the car. | ||
| The problem is all those commune stories all end up with kids getting raped. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, I'm sure some of them don't, but I have friends that grew up on communes. | ||
| I have a few of them, and in every one of them there was child abuse. | ||
| Well, yeah, communes fail, or notoriously fail, and they usually go up in flames, literally, quite often. | ||
| Like, shit goes weird. | ||
| But it's like, the idea that we are living the best way that we can as a society, like, this is the best we could do. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| This is the ultimate example. | ||
| I don't know if that— Why is it that people are afraid of the idea of communes? | ||
| You know, I said that— I knew a bunch of kids that had grown up in communes and the fucked up shit had happened to them. | ||
| It doesn't mean that all of them do. | ||
| If you grew up in a commune and it was awesome for you, I'm not negating your experience or saying I know any better, but what is it about communes that are so scary to people? | ||
| When you hear about people branching off and going out and doing their own thing, like the Waco Davidian thing, when you hear about that cult, when you hear about a commune or a cult or anything that's really alternative to the standard model, things get really weird. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Why does that weird you out so much? | ||
| Well, I mean, you're talking about a lifetime of living in a certain way. | ||
| Right, but why do we care if other people want to do it? | ||
| Is it because we're nervous that they're going to attack us? | ||
| They're not going to be on our team? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| You're always scared of groups. | ||
| When you see a person across the street, you don't think anything of it. | ||
| But you see five of those people all in a circle, you're like, what the fuck's going on over there? | ||
| It's just human interest, like something's going on. | ||
| What are they up to? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| It's mostly men. | ||
| Do you worry about groups of women? | ||
| I'll fuck up five women, bro. | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| Once I hit one of those bitches, the rest of them are just going to start running. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess... | ||
| But five dudes can kill you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Five dudes can beat you to death. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You've got to be real careful with dudes. | ||
| Much more than with women. | ||
| I mean, with some women, you've got to worry about them. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| But, obviously. | ||
| What is it about big groups, though, that we worry? | ||
| We worry, you know? | ||
| The government... | ||
| I mean, if you want to... | ||
| Really kind of trip out on how they handled that Waco thing. | ||
| There's a documentary called Rules of Engagement. | ||
| Yeah, Rules of Engagement. | ||
| And it's really interesting where it just shows really clearly that they murdered all those people. | ||
| Yeah, and they drove over them. | ||
| Remember the ATF drove their shit over the burnt-down wreckage? | ||
| Yeah, they lit the houses on fire and drove over the houses with tanks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really barbaric. | ||
| I mean, it was just savage. | ||
| This is how they had been operating for the longest time. | ||
| But the age of VCRs is fairly recent, as is the age of the Internet is today. | ||
| We don't realize that there's a mentality of a bunch of people that were in charge many decades before VCRs and the ability to show video to almost anybody at any time. | ||
| When VCRs came along, all of a sudden you can watch something again. | ||
| And you could go, what's going on here? | ||
| What's happening there? | ||
| Yeah, whereas before they basically picked and choose what they broadcast casted on television. | ||
| Once you had the ability to record things, and then tapes started passing around, and then in the case of Waco, I think that was the early 90s, right? | ||
| Wasn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it early 90s? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they had all these fucking people living on this one compound with weapons and the guy was banging all the wives. | ||
| That's how it always ends, right? | ||
| The guy's always banging somebody. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Sex gets in there. | ||
| Sex worms its way in there if it's not already there and shit gets weird. | ||
| What a fucking weird thing. | ||
| I mean, he was like a martyr. | ||
| He had this self-fulfilling prophecy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He made himself out to be this Jesus character and that the government would come to attack him. | ||
| How glorious must it have been for him when the ATF was storming the compound and a gunfight was going on and bullets were going through. | ||
| He's like, they're coming for me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm too powerful. | ||
| They're coming for me. | ||
| He must have been like that, right? | ||
| A crazy asshole. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure he didn't want to die, but he must have been. | ||
| But yeah, to go back to the question, it is a very strange thing that when these alternate societies spring up in our society, they usually go bad or they end up getting attacked. | ||
| There's a standoff. | ||
| It's a very strange thing. | ||
| Our society does not tolerate alternative ways of living sprouting up inside of it. | ||
| We want everyone to be living the same way. | ||
| And anytime that stuff starts happening, the officials get involved. | ||
| Yeah, this tune-in, drop-out, no. | ||
| It's not, no. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's like... | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| That was scary. | ||
| You know, I'm reading this awesome book called The Harvard Psychedelic Club. | ||
| Oh, that's the Timothy... | ||
| What's his face? | ||
| The Unabomber was involved in that, right? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I haven't gotten to that part. | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| Maybe it's a different thing, but... | ||
| Go on. | ||
| Well, it's like... | ||
| Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert, who turned into Ram Dass, who I always talk about, and Andrew Weill, the vitamin guy, you know that guy? | ||
| The guy with the giant beard and he sells vitamin products? | ||
| Well, like, the fucking story there is that... | ||
| Timothy Leary goes to Mexico. | ||
| Someone gives him mushrooms. | ||
| He's never eaten mushrooms. | ||
| He takes them, has this insane experience. | ||
| He's a Harvard professor, so he thinks, oh, we need to study this. | ||
| This could have huge implications as far as psychotherapy goes. | ||
| We could use this. | ||
| So he goes back to Harvard and starts the Harvard Psilocybin Project, which is where they're giving psilocybin to students and Well, they weren't supposed to be, but they're experimenting with psilocybin to induce mystical states of being. | ||
| They're going into prisons with mushrooms and giving the... | ||
| Well, actually, synthetic psilocybin. | ||
| They're giving that to the prisoners. | ||
| The prisoners are eating it with them. | ||
| Like, they would trip out on mushrooms with the prisoners to try to do therapy and... | ||
| So, Andrew Weill fucking goes into one of their meetings where the staff is meeting about this and, like, writes a kind of negative news story in Harvard about how these professors have started a semi-cult and are giving psychedelics to their students. | ||
| And this ended up in Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert getting kicked out of Harvard because, like, the Harvard newspaper, and I don't remember the name of it, is read by, like, the president and stuff. | ||
| And so they got kicked out of Harvard and they went down to Mexico and were taking mushrooms. | ||
| And this woman whose husband used to be in the CIA was hanging out with him and she told Timothy Leary, everybody's totally cool with you guys doing this as long as you keep it quiet. | ||
| Like, don't be loud about this. | ||
| And then according to Timothy Leary, she called him... | ||
| A few days before Kennedy died and told him he's going to start talking about everything and I'm really worried about the president. | ||
| And then a few days later he got shot. | ||
| That's according to Timothy Leary. | ||
| So you're saying that President Kennedy was doing acid? | ||
| Well, President Kennedy came from Harvard, and yes, according to this book, this woman who dated Timothy Leary supposedly went to this Mexican, to this retreat or the hotel in Mexico, and as I recall, You know, said that she wanted to get some LSD for someone who's too famous to talk about. | ||
| And so that's an underground legend. | ||
| Sounds like that bitch already said too much. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I ought to kidnap her and throw her in the basement until she told me who the fuck that was. | ||
| I know, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's ridiculous. | |
| That's a useless bitch right there. | ||
| And that seems ridiculous. | ||
| The whole story seems pretty ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, that story sounds like something that someone makes up when they work at, like, a resort. | ||
| But you know what's not ridiculous, though? | ||
| Mike behind the counter's got a great story. | ||
| It's not like some guy that does a lot of drugs and talks to dolphins about that. | ||
| But the CIA was experimenting with LSD. Yeah, well, that was what I was going to bring up. | ||
| When you said that, I thought you were talking about Ted Kaczynski. | ||
| You know, the CIA did a bunch of studies in 1962 out of Harvard. | ||
| And Ted Kaczynski volunteered for these studies. | ||
| And they cooked his fucking brain, man. | ||
| They created the Unabomber. | ||
| It's very, very likely they created him. | ||
| When he got out of there, he was absolutely convinced that there was some sort of a war going on between technology and us. | ||
| And that he had to stop all these people from making technology. | ||
| So what he did was he got a cabin in the woods in Montana. | ||
| He worked for like five years as a professor just to save up the money. | ||
| Maybe three years as a professor just to save up enough money to fund his trip. | ||
| And then he moved and just started this attack on all these professors and innovators and all these people that were involved. | ||
| Mail bombs. | ||
| They cooked him, dude. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They cooked him at Harvard, man. | ||
| And that's not something that's very well known, man. | ||
| Very few people have heard that story. | ||
| People have no idea about the history of LSD at all. | ||
| Well, if you want to look online, look up the CIA doses French town because there was a town in France where it's been, by the Freedom of Information Act, these papers have been released and they found out that they did LSD studies on whole towns in France. | ||
| They would dose the whole fucking village and watch people commit suicide, watch all kinds of crazy shit happen. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| So, you know, they've been doing shit on soldiers in the United States and Britain. | ||
| There's videos of British troops all dosed up on LSD wandering around. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| It's fucking weird, man. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And that was ten years. | ||
| They were doing it at Harvard ten years before Leary started doing the experiments himself. | ||
| Dude, you know what I saw that was hilarious? | ||
| Speaking of old shit, I watched Flash Gordon on the plane. | ||
| On the plane home from Toronto. | ||
| The original? | ||
| Dude! | ||
| They have these little, you know, you can pick a TV show or a movie. | ||
| I mean, Flash Gordon, episode one, two, and I don't know if there's more. | ||
| It is amazing how bad it is. | ||
| I don't know what year that was. | ||
| Do you know what year that was? | ||
| No. | ||
| Let me look it up real quick, because it was incredible. | ||
| The special effects were awesome. | ||
| They were so bad that it looks like a show that's trying to fuck around. | ||
| It looks like a show that maybe Tim and Eric would do, or the guys from South Park. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you see South Park? | ||
| I was like, shit. | ||
| 1936. That's when it is. | ||
| Do you know how crazy that is? | ||
| We're talking about 1936. And this is like pre-World War II, man. | ||
| So they've got this fucking ridiculous spaceship that has got sparklers? | ||
| Like Fourth of July sparklers behind it, and it's on a string. | ||
| And it's like swinging on a string with the sparklers shooting behind it. | ||
| And the way it's operated, the inside, what they thought a spaceship would be like, it's insane. | ||
| There's a guy in a seat. | ||
| He's just sitting in a seat. | ||
| And he's got like a periscope, just like you would have in a submarine, because they had submarines back then. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Dude, there's no monitors. | ||
| They're going through space and they don't even have monitors. | ||
| They never envisioned monitors. | ||
| But back then, you were buying every single second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fuck. | |
| Oh my god, that was so realistic. | ||
| Dude, it is awesome. | ||
| And I just looked up on IMDB. Apparently, there's a DVD set you can get. | ||
| I... Fully recommend a Stone session. | ||
| Get Stone as fuck and watch Flash Gordon. | ||
| It's going to be awesome. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing to think that that's even real. | ||
| That this was a show, or a movie rather, where, you know, this was fucking legit. | ||
| People would get fired up. | ||
| We're going to go see Flash Gordon. | ||
| He's going to beat that meeting Lawrence West. | ||
| Yeah, you think so? | ||
| They'd go in there and buy their homemade Coca-Cola. | ||
| I was watching old Twilight Zone, same thing. | ||
| Not as bad as that, but Twilight Zone, like the old school series, they mostly had to do with astronauts and UFOs. | ||
| Like, it was the same, always about space stuff. | ||
| It was so weird that people bought that back in the day. | ||
| I love the Twilight Zone. | ||
| I love it, too. | ||
| I love watching old Twilight Zone. | ||
| Yeah, you know what my favorite one is? | ||
| Burgess Meredith, when he's the last man on Earth, and he's like in a bookstore, so he gets all these books, and he's so excited, because that's all he wanted to do. | ||
| People would just bother him. | ||
| He really just wanted to read books. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so a nuclear bomb hits, everybody's dead, and he's got all the books in the world to read, but he breaks his glasses. | ||
| I remember that one, dude. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| Yeah, that was really good. | ||
| It was the perfect show. | ||
| It was the perfect show. | ||
| When that episode was done, I was like, wow. | ||
| The perfect show. | ||
| They did a Twilight Zone where a pool hustler wanted to play the dead guy. | ||
| And when he wins, he goes to hell. | ||
| And so he wins and he's guarding over the pool table waiting for the next guy because he wasted his whole life playing pool. | ||
| That's his suffering. | ||
| Those Twilight Zones were awesome. | ||
| So good. | ||
| How come there isn't a show like that now? | ||
| It's hard to do, man. | ||
| Every subject's been covered a billion times over. | ||
| To be completely and totally original like that, like, wow. | ||
| You're talking about, you know, millions and millions of shows. | ||
| It's fucking, how much stuff has been made since 1936? | ||
| It's Buck Rogers or Flash Gordon. | ||
| Do you remember Amazing Stories? | ||
| They tried to redo kind of like the same format. | ||
| That was awesome. | ||
| I never saw that. | ||
| Amazing Stories was pretty good, too. | ||
| It was like in the 80s. | ||
| I love those Twilight Zone movies, too. | ||
| But then, of course, that one with John Landis had that horrible accident with that helicopter crash. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, kind of girl's head off. | ||
| Yeah, decapitated. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That is fucked up. | ||
| Fuck movies with explosions and helicopters. | ||
| Keep that shit away from me. | ||
| The good news is they don't really have to do that anymore. | ||
| Because now they have CGI. They just, you know, fake the whole thing. | ||
| They don't. | ||
| In 2012, nobody really jumped a car over a fucking canyon. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| The whole thing was fake. | ||
| So it's nice. | ||
| You don't really have to risk your life for some shitty movie. | ||
| Stuntmen are fucking crazy, man. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| The craziest. | ||
| I worked with those guys for years on Fear Factor. | ||
| On Fear Factor, I worked with stunt guys. | ||
| I knew a few guys from jiu-jitsu. | ||
| My friend Will, who trained at John Jacques, I knew a couple other guys from there, but they're fucking animals. | ||
| All of them have like, oh, this is metal. | ||
| I got a fucking fake collarbone, and I got 18 plates in this hand. - Have you seen the video of the window washer in "Lethal Weapon"? | ||
| That is washing the window and basically it's a stunt that went wrong and a car went through the wrong window. | ||
| So there's these two stunt guys and they're washing this window because they have the outtakes and you see them all of a sudden brace themselves and one guy jumps Trying to get out of the way, and a car just goes through a window, smacks one of them, knocks him backwards into the building. | ||
| He was fine. | ||
| He wasn't fine. | ||
| He had to go to the hospital for a couple weeks. | ||
| I just met that guy. | ||
| Fucking crazy. | ||
| Is it in the video? | ||
| Can you see it in the video? | ||
| Yeah, it's on the internet. | ||
| Like, look up lethal weapon, like, stuntman accident. | ||
| Man, he was such a cool guy. | ||
| It's like, stuntmen are like a very specific type of person, and it's like a job that's sometimes passed down through families and stuff. | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to be really, really crazy to do that. | ||
| You've got to be tough as fuck. | ||
| Tough as nails. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tate does that. | |
| Tate Fletcher's been doing that. | ||
| He's been doing all the Avenger movies. | ||
| Oh, it totally makes sense. | ||
| But they're super careful. | ||
| They're super careful, and it's really interesting to see how fastidious they are. | ||
| But this guy was talking to him about this stunt, and he just kept saying, fire stunts are as safe as they could be. | ||
| There's nothing safer than a fire stunt. | ||
| I'd set my kids on fire. | ||
| He kept saying that. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a guy who might be a little too confident with himself. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, I guess you have to be because if you're scared, if you're scared during one of these stunts and you spend any energy on fear, you're fucked. | ||
| You'll get killed. | ||
| I could never do that shit. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Even that girl stunt. | ||
| Can you imagine being a girl doing that? | ||
| The stunt women? | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of tough broads out there getting thrown out of the back of trucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fall guy. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Remember the fall guy? | ||
| Remember Alf? | ||
| Alph? | ||
| Joey Diaz gave... | ||
| Alph was a stuntman? | ||
| No, I'm just kidding. | ||
| I do remember Alph. | ||
| What was Alph? | ||
| Alph was an alien? | ||
| Alien. | ||
| And he liked to eat cats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| How did that get through? | ||
| I never watched an episode of Alph. | ||
| I kind of pride myself in that. | ||
| Is that how he talks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember it was a reference that hack comedians would do in the 80s. | ||
| Or the 90s, rather. | ||
| Remember Max Hedrum? | ||
| How badass before at the time was that guy. | ||
| What was that all about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hologram. | |
| He was like a hologram. | ||
| What was he supposed to be? | ||
| Was he supposed to be a computer or something? | ||
| I think he was a computer programmer. | ||
| He lived in the computer. | ||
| Yeah, I don't remember. | ||
| Or was he artificial intelligence? | ||
| That's what it was, yeah. | ||
| He was like Hal. | ||
| I used to watch that show, the TV show. | ||
| I remember I fucking loved it back in the day. | ||
| It started off as, what, a Pepsi commercial or something? | ||
| Was it? | ||
| And then it became a show. | ||
| Then it became a TV show. | ||
| I saw that guy in some weird B-movie one day. | ||
| Oh, the guy that played that guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I was like, no, no, no. | ||
| You're Max Headroom. | ||
| It can't be some guy in some movie who's like a cop. | ||
| I think we've got a clue here. | ||
| It's like a bad cop movie. | ||
| I'm surprised they really haven't brought him back to sell iPads or something. | ||
| Why don't you fucking make the pitch, son? | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Get that guy together. | ||
| Today, with the technology that we have today, you actually could do that if you wanted to. | ||
| You could just film it on a green screen of your own, throw it through your laptop. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Super easy. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Super easy. | ||
| So, going back to this Flash Gordon thing, man. | ||
| If you ever need proof of evolution for knuckleheads, just look at Flash Gordon. | ||
| Look at that from 1936 and look at us today in 2011. If you can't see that things are changing and moving in a certain direction, the complexity of the dialogue, the simplicity of it in the Flash Gordon movie as compared to what we're having in this conversation right here, we're two totally different human beings. | ||
| I don't know if they were incredibly naive or if it was that the Cinema was so new and naive that it could be stupid and fake because everyone sort of accepted it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| When they saw those old King Kong movies, I love all the King Kong movies, but the first one was pretty badass. | ||
| But it's so fake looking. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| If you go and watch it now, you're like, whoa, what? | ||
| But back then, they knew... | ||
| They knew it was good for them. | ||
| I was like, wow, I can't believe that that's the monster. | ||
| They didn't have anything to compare it to. | ||
| They knew it didn't look real, but they were still impressed. | ||
| Like, that King Kong's a hell of a monster. | ||
| What a great movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| It's like, you know, it's like 3D. Look how much 3D's evolved. | ||
| But when you first went to, when I went to see Jaws 3D when it came out and wore those red and blue glasses, I was like, oh my god, holy shit, this is incredible. | ||
| Like, there was one scene where a needle came out of the screen and it was just like, whoa, that's crazy. | ||
| But, so I was just happy. | ||
| I didn't care about, I didn't know that there could be better 3D than that. | ||
| I was just blown away. | ||
| So it must have been the same thing. | ||
| It's kind of weird how it took a long time before 3D made a comeback. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think it really made a comeback either. | ||
| Well, dude, Avatar, in my opinion, it made a comeback. | ||
| When I saw it in IMAX 3D, that's like an experience, man. | ||
| I had a smile on my face that whole movie. | ||
| And when I heard all these people that were like, Oh, that movie sucked. | ||
| The plot was very transparent. | ||
| I'm like, Oh my God, shut up. | ||
| Shut up, stupid. | ||
| How could you not enjoy that? | ||
| Oh, you're telling me the big blue aliens aren't real? | ||
| Whoa, get out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, were people like, after Avatar, people reporting depression? | ||
| Yeah, Avatar depression. | ||
| Yeah, it was a real thing. | ||
| Yeah, it's online. | ||
| Life is no color in after Avatar. | ||
| I wonder how it's recognized. | ||
| I wonder if psychologists are behind it. | ||
| Well, you have Avatar depression. | ||
| It sounds like you've got a bad case of Avatar depression. | ||
| That's not outside the realm of possibility. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, I know the depression that comes from playing a really awesome video game and then going out into the world. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We're driving here and we go by this mountain of rocks and he looks out the window and he goes, oh, that's like, what is that? | ||
| Ogremar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ogremar from World of Warcraft. | |
| I don't even know what that means. | ||
| Reminds me of a fantasy environment. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Well, I just got this iMac. | ||
| I just got this, like, giant iMac. | ||
| Like, the biggest monitor I've ever had. | ||
| So I was like, well... | ||
| Aren't those awesome? | ||
| I've got to see what world... | ||
| No, they suck. | ||
| Mine died today. | ||
| Yeah, but it's probably just a hard drive. | ||
| No, I hope not. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| I've got to back your shit up, dude. | ||
| You got it backed up? | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| You don't have things backed up? | ||
| Not that computer. | ||
| Because I use that computer just for audio, like, you know, for podcasting. | ||
| Dude, how hard is it to slap a fucking one terabyte drive on it? | ||
| I have 14 terabyte full drives. | ||
| I just keep on running out of hard drive space. | ||
| Wow, that's incredible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking sucks. | ||
| That shit needs to go away. | ||
| What happened to... | ||
| I remember when I worked at Gateway Computers. | ||
| I don't know if we talked about this. | ||
| Anyway, he's talking about his eye back. | ||
| It is awesome. | ||
| I know you're saying that your shit died, but it is awesome. | ||
| And what were you going to say about that? | ||
| I was going to say it's like a fucking window into an alternate universe. | ||
| When you've got a really good video game and you're looking at it, it's like these... | ||
| I think the word video games got to go down the tubes, man, because someone hears you say, I love to play video games. | ||
| They're like, you fucking nerd. | ||
| But what it's turning into, it's going to get to the point where it's not video games anymore, where it's something else. | ||
| I feel like it's like World of Warcraft, StarCraft, a portal. | ||
| This is the very first... | ||
| Surge of water and this virtual tsunami that's about to come subjectively sweeping over everyone. | ||
| Because that thing you say about, like, maybe our neurology can't resist movies because it's so overpowering. | ||
| It's like, I think that there's going to be some truth to that because these games are missing a few components. | ||
| And this is what I think of when I'm Stone playing World of Warcraft. | ||
| If I could smell, like, if there was a sense of smell involved in this and also... | ||
| They've made that. | ||
| If there was a sense of, like... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, they've made machines that do that. | ||
| I think it's going to have to be a mind thing instead of a machine thing. | ||
| I think it's going to have to be able to stimulate some part of your mind. | ||
| To give you smells. | ||
| Yeah, like maybe you can wear some. | ||
| Maybe everyone's going to have to shave their head like real players. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going to have to do a horizontal mohawk thing. | ||
| That's how you know. | ||
| This dude's legit. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He goes out to the club with this big stripe shaved down his head. | ||
| And then you put this thing on skin to skin on your head. | ||
| And it has precise... | ||
| You line it up on the video game. | ||
| It'll show you how to line it up with the exact cortex, exact portion of your brain. | ||
| And then it sends signals that show you burning meat smell. | ||
| But then you know what else it does? | ||
| And this is really weird. | ||
| While you're playing the game, it erases your memory of your previous life. | ||
| So the moment that thing goes on, you have no more past. | ||
| You're just the memories of the character in the game rushing through the game, playing the game, completely unaware of the fact that you used to exist as a person. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| And then you know what happens? | ||
| You're doing a podcast. | ||
| You're like, oh, fuck, man, my heart feels weird. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| And you suddenly wake up in your futuristic apartment and you're like, oh man, that game was awesome. | ||
| So right now we're playing a game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of people say this could be some alien simulation. | ||
| That we're just an alien involved in a really high-powered, super advanced, badass video game called Planet. | ||
| Experience the lives of billions of people, all individually. | ||
| I wrote something once about maybe the life that we're living, maybe the reason why it seems so fake is because it is fake and what we are in is some sort of a reality simulation of the roaring 20s of the technological age. | ||
| Like maybe we live in some time where everything is all scented candles and perfectly lit white rooms and no one has a muscle car and no one's getting their dick sucked. | ||
| And maybe there's like a simulator that you can run where you run where it's just chaos. | ||
| But chaos that's entertaining as fuck. | ||
| It's like every time you turn around there's some new thing. | ||
| Christina Aguilera fucking up the national anthem. | ||
| Two billion people tuning into the wedding. | ||
| There's constant shit going on to keep you entertained. | ||
| And you are in this biological ride canister. | ||
| And you're going through this thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your portal to this ride is your skin and your flesh. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Pops through into this dimension. | ||
| And you know, it sounds like you're advocating fantasy. | ||
| It sounds like you're advocating, well, you know, so you want to look at your life as if it's some sort of a simulation and just live it as a simulation? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| Well, no, I'm just saying, yes, I am saying that. | ||
| Yeah, why not, right? | ||
| It's very empowering. | ||
| I think the first person I ever heard suggest that was McKenna. | ||
| I think McKenna was talking about... | ||
| How did he say it? | ||
| And he was quoting someone else, so I'm doing a third-hand quote. | ||
| But he said, you should view your life as... | ||
|
unidentified
|
How did he say it? | |
| As a conspiracy, view your life as if the world is run by a select group of people, and that group of people is you and your friends. | ||
| You're somehow or another secretly in charge with running the world and running the universe. | ||
| You're the most important things in the universe, just you and your friends. | ||
| Because it's the most empowering way to view the world. | ||
| Yeah, because what's the other side? | ||
| The other side of it is this kind of pseudo-empathy for strangers that you don't know. | ||
| So many people wander through their day just frothing with terror over whatever they've seen on the news. | ||
| And so for them, the world's awful. | ||
| But then their real situation is usually pretty good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like, it's like a fucking... | ||
| Bill Hicks has that awesome joke about like... | ||
| CNN. CNN. Watch the news and then outside it's like beautiful and the grass is growing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So there's this mental pollution that comes pouring out of every information device that we have and that like corrupts your mind and you begin to think you're in a horror story when your real reality is one that's usually quite pleasant or This theme has been going back and forth with me over the last couple of weeks. | ||
| I was talking about it even on stage in Canada that I don't think, and I think it goes along with the same thing that we were talking about as far as us not being able to process films and movies. | ||
| that what I was saying with that was that movies, for those people who've never heard it before, I think that human beings are set up to imitate their atmosphere, and we're set up to find the alpha and follow him 'cause he's the old leader, and he's the guy with the broadsword that has the most nicks in it, and he's experienced things that you can learn from him, and so we and he's the guy with the broadsword that has the most nicks That we don't, we're set up to imitate our atmosphere, but we don't know when our atmosphere is bullshit. | ||
| Those same signals All of a sudden we're getting them from a hundred foot screen and we're sitting there in IMAX surround sound and the hero, every time he comes on screen, he says the exact right thing because he's got a fucking team of writers and they've been working on it for weeks and there's music plays every time he's in the room and you get just drawn into this thing where it's incredibly influential. | ||
| Like almost more so than real life. | ||
| And I don't think we're set up to process that. | ||
| I think we're set up to process the natural world. | ||
| And this is along the same lines as that, right? | ||
| I think when you look at the news and there's terrible things going on all over the world, I don't think we're set up to process the world. | ||
| We're set up to process our fucking neighborhood. | ||
| The universe, the world, is a chaotic fucking place. | ||
| And the key is, when somewhere sucks, you gotta get the fuck out of there. | ||
| That's how people got to America in the first place. | ||
| That's why people crossed the Bering Strait when they came over from Asia. | ||
| We are nomadic for a reason. | ||
| It's because the world is spinning around a fucking nuclear explosion, and sometimes it gets a little too far away, and when it does, everything freezes to death. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| So you've got to move around. | ||
| You've got to keep moving. | ||
| And I think we are supposed to be in a good spot and surround ourselves with a bunch of good people, but we can't be looking at the whole goddamn thing all at once. | ||
| The whole six to seven billion people all over the world. | ||
| Yeah, everywhere you go, you're going to see billions Bombs going off, and people getting shot, and planes dropping fucking missiles out of the sky onto the wrong building. | ||
| You're going to see that everywhere because there's so fucking many of us. | ||
| You're not supposed to be monitoring the whole thing. | ||
| Well, it messes up the paradigm people are enjoying, and that paradigm is its own little virtual reality game. | ||
| It's like people live in denial of death. | ||
| They live in denial of the impermanence of everything. | ||
| They live in the denial... | ||
| Of the fact that you will not be able to hold on to anything. | ||
| Ownership is a complete illusion. | ||
| You can't really own anything. | ||
| There's no such thing as countries. | ||
| Well, you can hold on to it for a little bit. | ||
| There are countries, because if you go over there, you've got to have a passport. | ||
| And they can lock you up. | ||
| What's happening is people are enforcing invisible things. | ||
| Right, but they are enforcing them. | ||
| Well, yeah, but for example, there's law. | ||
| Take the law of gravity. | ||
| The law of gravity does not need police officers to make sure that the law of gravity works. | ||
| If you jump off a cliff, it's not like you land at the bottom, you're okay, and cops come and arrest you and say, you just broke the law of gravity. | ||
| We're going to have to kill you. | ||
| The law of gravity kills you. | ||
| The human laws, on the other hand, these are laws that aren't real except... | ||
| From the enforcement of human beings and from things written down on paper. | ||
| But it's not real in the sense of the law of gravity. | ||
| And as society shifted throughout time, these laws have changed too. | ||
| So they're impermanent and they're always... | ||
| I mean, God, there used to be bathrooms for black people. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That was a real law. | ||
| That was a real thing. | ||
| And that law is not real. | ||
| That law doesn't exist on the planet. | ||
| There's no underlying mechanism. | ||
| I see what you're saying, but it seems to me this is like an argument of semantics. | ||
| It's like, what is the definition of the word law? | ||
| I see what you're saying, but the reality is laws exist. | ||
| If you go to Turkey and you have heroin strapped to your back and they catch you, they put you in a cage. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| There's social engineering. | ||
| The real question is, is that social engineering, is it valid? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Well, no, I think many times the social engineering is not... | ||
| But that's what all the laws are, right? | ||
| Wouldn't you agree? | ||
| They're all social engineering. | ||
| Don't do heroin because we don't want heroin users. | ||
| Well, the idea would be, I think, that laws, like good laws, would be laws that were a natural expression of a kind of metaphysical function of the universe. | ||
| You say that, man, but then you've got to realize the nature of man. | ||
| Man is a violent, fucking crazy animal. | ||
| And if you want to allow the nature of man to express itself in a truly unfettered way, you can have a lot of violence, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's called the United States. | ||
| I mean, look at what's happening. | ||
| This is the nature of man being allowed to express itself in an unfettered way. | ||
| It's just being done on a massive global level. | ||
| I agree and I disagree. | ||
| Because as individuals, no. | ||
| As individuals, most of the day is filled with very little violence in comparison to what life would have been like 10,000 years ago. | ||
| Life 10,000 years ago, by the time you got to be our age, you were missing a hand or something. | ||
| There's some fucking arrow holes in you. | ||
| If you made it through, you had a giant fucking machete mark on your head. | ||
| You were experiencing violence around every corner just to stay alive. | ||
| I think laws and all the things that are in place that a lot of people wouldn't agree with, even some drug smuggling laws. | ||
| I think you need some sort of regulation on these assholes that want to come in here and sell poisonous shit that makes you addicted to it. | ||
| Another way to look at it might be with your child. | ||
| You've got certain rules that you have with kids where you have to tell them not to go into the medicine cabinet and eat these things because they can't regulate themselves and they'll die from it. | ||
| Those laws are obviously necessary and they're good, but what I'm saying is there's so many laws that aren't necessary. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We're in agreement on that, I think, the whole thing. | ||
| And it's for profit, too. | ||
| It's laws that are designed to – yeah, we are in agreement on that – to rake money into the prison industrial complex. | ||
| A lot of these laws help make a lot of people a lot of money. | ||
| And when you say prison industrial complex, a lot of people are not going to understand that statement. | ||
| So just tell people what the fuck that is. | ||
| Well, basically, you know, running a prison is a business. | ||
| What people don't know is that a huge percentage of the prisons in this country are private. | ||
| They're owned. | ||
| They're companies. | ||
| And they profit. | ||
| They make money off of how many people are in prison. | ||
| I mean, to even hear that and think that somehow that got passed and they allowed that. | ||
| And we were talking about slavery earlier. | ||
| I mean, how is that any different than owning people? | ||
| Yeah, they fucked up before they became slaves. | ||
| But then once they fucked up, they became slaves. | ||
| And you're making money off of them. | ||
| You make money off of them being in there. | ||
| You charge more based on how many are in there. | ||
| I heard this statistic. | ||
| There are now more black people in prison than there were slaves. | ||
| Now, I don't know if that's true or not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's true, yeah. | |
| Yeah, I read that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I mean, and like how many of those people in prison are there for doing something really awful? | ||
| Like what's the percentage of violent crimes versus nonviolent offenders? | ||
| And then, because like the people who are in there for like rape and... | ||
| Beating people and doing crazy shit. | ||
| Of course, they should be behind bars. | ||
| There needs to be some justice invoked because some people can't defend themselves, obviously. | ||
| But people are in jail because they smoke some weed in their car. | ||
| This is not all prisons, though, right? | ||
| Because, I mean, aren't they always saying that prisons are turning away people because, you know, they just don't have enough... | ||
| Some of them are really proud, but there's a lot. | ||
| There's, like, county prisons, and there's different prisons. | ||
| You know, I don't know what percentage. | ||
| It's not all prisons. | ||
| All of them are private. | ||
| Yeah, as I was going to say, it couldn't be. | ||
| But it's a huge number. | ||
| It's a huge number. | ||
| And they're making new ones all the time. | ||
| When the economy goes south, man, people start going to crime. | ||
| It's just how it goes. | ||
| I mean, it's normal. | ||
| I don't know what the increase in crime has been since the economy went to shit, but it's got to be a couple percent or something. | ||
| I mean, it's just what happens. | ||
| And that, to them, that's numbers. | ||
| Dollar-dollar bills, y'all. | ||
| Stuff them in those cages and start raking in the cash. | ||
| It's just so weird to know that that's a real thing. | ||
| Well, I mean, it's a form of vampirism. | ||
| You're basically sucking people's life energies out of them, converting it into money, and then using that money to buy nice things for your beautiful wife. | ||
| I can't tell you how much I'm disappointed in Obama as a spokesman, as a representative of us. | ||
| I don't know what's going on in the world. | ||
| I don't know exactly what happened with Osama bin Laden or any of this, why we're bombing Pakistan, why we're involved in... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Mike, for our own benefit, how come this motherfucker, a guy who came from a single mom, how come he can't step up and figure out some way to get people to put funding into horrible neighborhoods to try to make the system better, to try to get more cops into those neighborhoods, | ||
| to try to get more teachers into the schools that are more qualified, to pay them more, to set up community outreach programs for kids who don't have fathers, and set up like You know, mentoring things, you know, like local clubs where they can play sports and, you know, they can have friends and where they have something to fucking look forward to and you will create an infinitely better country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Infinitely better. | ||
| Because our number one problem is people who suck. | ||
| And a lot of people who suck just needed love. | ||
| They needed something. | ||
| They needed guidance. | ||
| And I'm not saying we're supposed to be nanny state in the world, but I am saying there's a certain amount of people that are born in this country for sure are going to be fucked. | ||
| Why can't we help them? | ||
| If you really wanted to make this world better, wouldn't that be one of the first things you do? | ||
| And in comparison to how much fucking money we spend just blowing shit up in a bunch of places where we're never going to go, compared to that, the fucking money would be nothing. | ||
| There's an article in Salon.com which addresses the point you're saying. | ||
| It's there today, I believe, that says that instead of the money it cost us to kill bin Laden, it would have paid for college and free health care for everyone in the country. | ||
| God! | ||
| It just doesn't seem right. | ||
| It's so fucked up. | ||
| But it's true. | ||
| It's just because the military-industrial complex has a huge influence on what happens in this country. | ||
| It's what Eisenhower warned about when he left office in that famous speech. | ||
| And that's just the way it goes, man. | ||
| It is the reality. | ||
| And that reality, despite WikiLeaks, despite anything that gets released about any fucked up thing that happens in the world, it still seems to keep moving in the same direction. | ||
| It doesn't seem to be any changing. | ||
| Yeah, it definitely doesn't. | ||
| I mean, well, you can't change. | ||
| I mean, the way to change it, it almost changed. | ||
| It almost changed. | ||
| The summer of love, when people were fucking blasted on psychedelics, things were changing. | ||
| There was a shift, man. | ||
| There was a real shift happening. | ||
| Then everybody got on speed and the shit became illegal. | ||
| And now we're all self-absorbed lunatics. | ||
| We're all individually only taking care of ourselves. | ||
| Our minds are focused 100% on getting to work on time. | ||
| And that's one of the fun... | ||
| One of the most interesting things to do during rush hour is look around at all the people in the cars and you'll just see people in a dream sleepwalking. | ||
| They're all asleep and the dream they're living in is that they're the only person on the planet. | ||
| That's all there is. | ||
| Just them. | ||
| Nothing else. | ||
| And we've all trained ourselves to not even look at each other. | ||
| To not even say hello. | ||
| You want to freak somebody out these days, all you have to do is go say good morning. | ||
| In Los Angeles. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's completely different, man. | ||
| When I went back to Columbus, Ohio, it was just like high, high everywhere I went. | ||
| But go to an airport. | ||
| Columbus is super friendly. | ||
| I'm saying there's a program thing inside of us that we're not acknowledging each other at the level that we need to. | ||
| And the Internet's changed that to some degree. | ||
| It's opened up more lines of dialogue between people. | ||
| But one of... | ||
| So what I'm saying is the reason this isn't changing is because we're not changing. | ||
| We're moving more and more into ourselves instead of connecting with people around us. | ||
| And during the 60s psychedelics, we all know they have an effect that causes a kind of weird empathy to come into your mind. | ||
| And a weird connection can happen when you're around people and you feel connected to the whole universe. | ||
| You feel like, I'm not just me. | ||
| I'm a representative of an infinite field of energy. | ||
| And people have forgotten this. | ||
| And so, because of that, we're all living like... | ||
| People are learning it again. | ||
| I think right now, more so than any time in my life, I hear psychedelic discussion more than at any time in my life. | ||
| This is a big, big, big, big, big, big, big difference between now and, say, when I started comedy, like 1994, people would occasionally joke about doing mushrooms. | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| Mushrooms? | ||
| Ha ha ha! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, but no one was like coming home with trip reports. | ||
| You know, Chris Marcus, our buddy Chris from The Flashlight, he went on a little vacation the other day and was telling me how beautiful it was. | ||
| And, you know, you come back as a better person, man. | ||
| You come back as literally, like I said this on stage about the guy who's got those billboards. | ||
| It says, May 21st, Jesus is coming. | ||
| And I'm like, on May 22nd, we're going to find that fuck and we're going to force feed him mushrooms. | ||
| And I'm like, because Jesus is coming. | ||
| You can see Jesus. | ||
| You can see Jesus and Buddha and Santa Claus. | ||
| You can see anything that anyone ever thought of, ever, plus stuff you could have never imagined. | ||
| You can see Jesus. | ||
| You literally can see Jesus. | ||
| Take seven grams. | ||
| Take seven grams of mushrooms. | ||
| You'll see Jesus. | ||
| Don't they say in the Bible that there's going to be many false prophets and that no one will ever know the day it's just going to come? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what else they said? | ||
| Women are second-class citizens and they condone slavery. | ||
| The Bible's a silly book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, everybody would go crazy about the Bible, man, but it's in the Bible. | |
| I live my life by the Bible, but I'm... | ||
| Listen, here's the bottom line about the Bible. | ||
| You're not even reading the Bible, stupid. | ||
| What you're reading is a version of the Bible that was translated first into Latin, then into Greek, The ancient Hebrew version of the Bible, they don't even know all the words. | ||
| They only know a certain percentage of the words in ancient Hebrew. | ||
| Like, they literally don't know what the words mean. | ||
| And part of it's because letters were also numbers in ancient Hebrew. | ||
| Like, the letter A is also the number one. | ||
| So, like, there's a certain numerical value to words that we don't understand. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The interpretation is the worst version of the grapevine ever. | ||
| And on top of that, the oldest version of the Bible, which is the Dead Sea Scrolls, is so fucking crazy that they don't even use it. | ||
| It's just so filled with these vague stories of trips and UFOs and visitations and all sorts of nutty shit. | ||
| That doesn't work. | ||
| According to John Marco Allegro, what the Dead Sea Scrolls was all about was them hiding their history of psychedelic mushroom use. | ||
| And they were trying to hide it from the Romans in stories. | ||
| And the older you go back in these stories, the more you get to the original version of the story. | ||
| And that's what it was all about. | ||
| These guys were tripping their balls off, and it totally makes sense. | ||
| If you were a bunch of idiots that was living 7,000 years ago, or whatever the fuck they were, and you're living with your stupid leather shoes that got all sewn on you, and you got some goofy-ass hemp clothing on, You know, you're a dope. | ||
| You don't know what's going on. | ||
| You look at the stars every night. | ||
| You wonder when the gods are going to rain fire from the sky. | ||
| And then you've stumbled across some mushrooms. | ||
| And you ate them. | ||
| And ate way too many. | ||
| And had some insane, super psychedelic, wind tunnel, vortex, tornado experience. | ||
| Where the whole universe is like a giant ball of yarn. | ||
| And each strand of the ball is like... | ||
| Hyper-segmented with billions of planets and lives and trees and water. | ||
| And you can see that for five or six hours and then come back. | ||
| You're not going to want the Romans to know about that shit, man. | ||
| You're going to want to hide all that stuff. | ||
| That's what the Bible really is. | ||
| What the Bible is, is a trip report. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what the Bible is. | ||
| And that's really important, man. | ||
| And that's an important thing for people to know. | ||
| And that's, I think, where things have gone wrong. | ||
| Because one cool thing about the people who wrote the Dead Sea Scrolls, whoever the fuck they were, is that they were courageous enough to try to express that experience as though it were a reality. | ||
| And now, when people take a psychedelic, they mark it off as... | ||
| Some kind of dream or an imaginary thing that happened to them that's not real. | ||
| So they pretend that this alternate dimension that seems to exist and exactly on top of ours and is filled with hyperdimensional, super intelligent Beings that throughout time have been called aliens or angels or elves or dwarfs or whatever the fact that these people tried to articulate that. | ||
| They tried to bring something back from that place here. | ||
| And just the effect of bringing a close linguistic description of that place onto this planet Look at the fucking change it caused. | ||
| It created a religion. | ||
| We date time based on that. | ||
| The way we look at time is after Jesus' birth. | ||
| All that stuff. | ||
| It's like the power that comes from being able to swim out into the hypersonic waters of the psychedelic experience. | ||
| Keep your fucking head about you. | ||
| Look at what you're seeing. | ||
| Try to understand it in a logical way instead of being like, I'm partying! | ||
| Try to understand it. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Is this a projection of what's inside of you? | ||
| Or are you seeing something that's really there? | ||
| And if you're seeing something that's really there, what are those symbols you're looking at? | ||
| What are those? | ||
| Is that Mayan? | ||
| Is that Sanskrit? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| And the more you try to understand that and really get the message, because there is a message over there. | ||
| We've all heard it. | ||
| You've heard it. | ||
| I've heard it. | ||
| The message is... | ||
| The universe loves you. | ||
| And you're fine. | ||
| And everything's gonna be fine. | ||
| Don't be scared. | ||
| Try to spread love. | ||
| Be positive. | ||
| Embrace the world. | ||
| Embrace your fucking neighbors. | ||
| And let go of the fear that's ruining your life. | ||
| That's the message. | ||
| That message gets interpreted in a bunch of different ways. | ||
| Buddhism, Christianity, whatever. | ||
| But it's not like people are supposed to stop bringing that message back. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Well, people don't want to accept that that's where that message comes from. | ||
| There's a lot of people, when you connect something to the idea of it coming from a mushroom or any type of drug, ayahuasca, whatever, it inherently devalues the experience. | ||
| I didn't listen to it, but apparently, Robin Quivers from The Howard Stern Show went to Peru. | ||
| And I heard a lot of talk about it, but when I'm in my car, I never know what episode I'm listening to. | ||
| I didn't catch that one. | ||
| But apparently, she went to Peru to engage in an ayahuasca ceremony. | ||
| And they were giving her a hard time because she's like a vegan. | ||
| They're like, what, you won't even drink milk and you'll take this fucking shit? | ||
| Which is very funny. | ||
| But, you know, a lot of people, they were poo-pooing her experience. | ||
| And that experience, the ayahuasca experience, the mushroom experience, you know, everybody that is religious wants to believe in God. | ||
| What I'm telling you is I can show you something that... | ||
| Sure, you can meet what God is. | ||
| And I'm not saying it's God you're meeting, but you can meet what God is. | ||
| What God is, is perfect and all knowing and all embracing and loving and wise and constantly around you all the time. | ||
| Well, when you take mushrooms, that's what you feel. | ||
| That's what you feel. | ||
| You really feel God. | ||
| And I'm not saying that is God that you're communicating with or what God is. | ||
| Even the concept of God. | ||
| When you say God, all of a sudden it's this male hierarchy point of reference where you think of one alpha that controls all. | ||
| No way. | ||
| But it's not that. | ||
| God is more like everything. | ||
| It's like a super-dimensional glob of... | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| Brilliance and intelligence. | ||
| And also, it's constantly changing. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| It's like trying to even talk about it. | ||
| It's like trying to talk about a spinning slot machine. | ||
| It's constantly morphing and shifting. | ||
| It's so fucking potent, whatever it is, that we're runoffs of it. | ||
| When you see water running down your windshield and streams of water will break into little... | ||
| Globs of water. | ||
| That's what we are. | ||
| We're just little broken-off globs of superintelligence that have taken on these personalities and think that we're individuals. | ||
| And you know what else breaks off in that fucking thing? | ||
| Elves. | ||
| Hyperdimensional things that aren't necessarily out to love you. | ||
| There are beings out there that are, I don't know, man, like superintelligent toddlers. | ||
| I think McKenna talked about it. | ||
| They're like baby god or something. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Here's the devil's advocate point of view. | ||
| Please. | ||
| How do you not know that those thoughts, those demons, just represent thoughts in your mind? | ||
| And perhaps what that experience is entirely is you contacting your own thoughts and ideas and dreams and hopes and expression without the context of reality attached to them. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So without the idea of, you know, what you did that you're embarrassed about that made you weird about your underwear when you were 13, you know, instead of that, maybe it manifests itself in almost a living thing. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Projections. | ||
| So when you're saying there are beings out there that are fucking with you, maybe those are things that you've let grow in your mind. | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean, I think that that's the modern take on it, and I think that that's one useful handle to, like, grab a hold of an idea like that. | ||
| Have you considered that when you were in there? | ||
| You said you had experience recently. | ||
| Oh, like these are projection mechanisms? | ||
| Yeah, that what you're seeing, literally, is, like, that thoughts are live. | ||
| They're real things. | ||
| Look, have you ever heard the possibility, I mean the discussion rather, of the idea that aliens will come through the mind and that they're not going to manifest themselves in a real form and that when you think of the imagination or when you think of dreams and what we have is some weird slippery sort of experience that we can't completely control. | ||
| But what if that... | ||
| That dimension of dreams, that sleep dimension that you tap into when all your neurochemistry starts flowing between the blood-brain barrier while you're in heavy REM sleep. | ||
| What if that is in fact another dimension? | ||
| What if that is in fact a world and that is where aliens will contact you through? | ||
| They will contact you through this spiritual dimension instead of a physical dimension. | ||
| Well, if that's the case, and if you think about taking mushrooms and these elves show up, it is possible that negative things that you've created in your own life Shitty choices or bad energy that you've set forth and then nurtured and repressed and put it down and tried to deny it and all these different things that people do to sort of rationalize creepy things that they do in their lives. | ||
| What if those things manifest themselves as living organisms in the free pool of your mind? | ||
| Yeah, you know, that's actually, I think, fucking Carl Jung said that exact same thing that you just said. | ||
| I met Carl Jung this weekend. | ||
| No, you didn't. | ||
| I met a crazy guy who took 6.8 grams of mushrooms and told me he was Carl Jung. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| This guy comes up to me and he goes, I need to talk to you. | ||
| I have information that I'm sure you don't know about. | ||
| I go, how can you be sure? | ||
| And he goes, I just know, I just know, I just know. | ||
| I tried to talk to Brian Redband about it, but he replied to my email with some stupid joke. | ||
| I go, that sounds like Brian. | ||
| I want to give you knuckles for that. | ||
| And then homeboy goes, I really, I've been doing psychedelic research. | ||
| I need to get this information for you. | ||
| Listen, it's going to sound crazy. | ||
| I used to be in another life. | ||
| I was Carl Jung. | ||
| I go, how can you be sure? | ||
| And he goes, I've seen things that you've never seen. | ||
| I go, how can you know that? | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| You're too confident, son. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| And I kicked him out of there. | ||
| I remember that guy. | ||
| Do you remember him? | ||
| Yeah, I got to find that email. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I talked about him on the podcast on the plane with Sam Tripoli. | ||
| I did, but that podcast might suck. | ||
| I'm not even going to release it. | ||
| I might not release it because we were both hungover and tired and we're talking about stupid shit. | ||
| So I'm not sure. | ||
| I'm still hungover from fucking Joey Diaz giving me a banana cake. | ||
| Yeah, I got a text from Brian in capital letters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do not eat Joey Diaz's banana bread. | |
| You can never eat edible marijuana that Joey Diaz gives you. | ||
| Unless you have Thorzine on hand, don't take that stuff. | ||
| Unless you have a big hypodermic filled with adrenaline that you can stuff into your chest. | ||
| Stick in your jugular vein. | ||
| Joey Diaz once gave me some breath strips. | ||
| I guess this was the first time I'd taken breath strips. | ||
| He was like, eat two of these. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Did he really tell you to do it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't tell anybody ever to take more than a quarter. | |
| I hold their hand. | ||
| I go, dude, listen to me, bro. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Don't take more than a quarter. | ||
| I think Joey likes to torture people. | ||
| Knowing Joey Diaz, that's what I did. | ||
| I only took half of one of these knowing him. | ||
| And I was driving home on the interstate and was like, well, it's definitely the apocalypse. | ||
| The world is ending. | ||
| I see that clearly now. | ||
| I'm in the last days. | ||
| And there was a McDonald's. | ||
| And I was going to stop my car and run to the McDonald's to get a burger because traffic wasn't moving. | ||
| That's how bad the logic was working in my mind. | ||
| I'll just get a fucking... | ||
| I know I can make it there to get a Diet Coke and back. | ||
| But anyway, I get home. | ||
| I'm having the most terrible marijuana trip. | ||
| I'm laying in bed. | ||
| I'm like, oh my God, the world's in my heart's pounding. | ||
| Phone rings. | ||
| Phone rings. | ||
| Joey Diaz. | ||
| I answer and he's like, welcome to my house, motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So he thought you took all two of them? | |
| No, he knew the only ticket recorded? | ||
| Yeah, I suppose he just surmised that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's so crazy. | |
| One of his buddies got the Listerine's acid thing and there was like a few of them in there and I guess they all melted together. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| I did that... | ||
| I did that once. | ||
| And the guy took like a bunch of them. | ||
| He never did. | ||
| He never smoked weed. | ||
| He never ate weed. | ||
| And it was like his first time trying it. | ||
| So Joey gave him some. | ||
| And there was like a lot in there. | ||
| And they had melted together into one. | ||
| He had a massive panic attack. | ||
| Yeah, I think the guy called in the ambulance. | ||
| Yeah, he called 911. He had a panic attack. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, that's the thing, man. | ||
| There needs to be a special 911. Like when you press a button on your phone, when you get directed, like, have you eaten edible marijuana? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beep! | |
| And then it takes you and it's just someone who can calm you down. | ||
| It's just music songs. | ||
| What people don't realize is that there's cannabinoid receptors in your mind that are established for two things. | ||
| They come out during runner's high and some other things, but also they're there to receive marijuana. | ||
| To receive all the shit that's in marijuana. | ||
| Marijuana easily could be responsible for human behavioral development. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| We could have, a long time ago, have had some sort of a symbiotic relationship with marijuana. | ||
| I mean, you look at the characteristics that it's all about, like, being loving. | ||
| It makes people kinder and friendlier and sillier and less threatening and more insecure. | ||
| So it makes you, like, less cocky. | ||
| You know, it's all, like, good things for society. | ||
| You know, and the human use of it has gone. | ||
| I was at this, oh, God, I've got to tell you about this. | ||
| I know the history of cannabis because I was at a place in Toronto. | ||
| I went to this nutty fucking place. | ||
| It is Valhalla for pothead comedians. | ||
| It's a head shop and in the back room they have a comedy club. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It's called... | ||
| I probably shouldn't say what it's called. | ||
| I think it's on the DL. But anyway, you go there and they have this big thing, the history of cannabis, 4,000 years old evidence of cannabis use in China and it goes like throughout human history, how long people have been using marijuana and they're selling bongs, they're selling like pipes and shit. | ||
| And then you go into the back room and they have a comedy club. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| They have a comedy club, dude. | ||
| And you go on stage and everyone... | ||
| I went on stage and sparked up a joint immediately when I got it. | ||
| It's a full hot box. | ||
| You can't see the back of the room. | ||
| It's filled with weed smoke. | ||
| And the whole time I was on stage, I did like an hour. | ||
| The whole time I'm up there, dudes are hitting the bong. | ||
| And they're passing joints. | ||
| And it's fucking crazy. | ||
| Was it too much? | ||
| Like too much smoke? | ||
| Way too much. | ||
| My voice... | ||
| That's one of the reasons why I'm coughing today, I think. | ||
| I'm just breathing in that... | ||
| Sam totally lost his voice almost. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like... | |
| Yeah, that motherfucker needs ventilation, for sure. | ||
| But my voice was really hot and red. | ||
| It didn't affect me the next night when I did the UFC. It didn't bother me at all. | ||
| But it was hot and I remember getting out of there going, God, I've got to go outside and breathe. | ||
| And then the cool air. | ||
| I mean, literally, there was no oxygen in the room. | ||
| It was just pot smoke. | ||
| It was fucking crazy. | ||
| And the way Toronto is right now, apparently there's some sort of a situation where... | ||
| They had a law to make it illegal, but the law was ruled unconstitutional. | ||
| So now, in the 90 days between the next revision of the law, it's basically in limbo. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| It's legal. | ||
| Pot's sort of legal. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, they could probably bust your balls if they wanted to and lock you up. | ||
| You know, who knows? | ||
| Dude, did they, at the history of marijuana thing, did they talk about the white mummies in China? | ||
| White mummies? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| No. | ||
| In fucking... | ||
| China, they found these white mummies, Caucasian mummies. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know about that? | ||
| They had blonde hair and they had fucking weed on them. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| And they were tall. | ||
| Yeah, tall, Caucasian mummies. | ||
| Yeah, with marijuana. | ||
| What year was that dated to? | ||
| Um... | ||
| I was like, I don't know, I'll fuck it up. | ||
| Marijuana on them? | ||
| 3,000 years. | ||
| It was a long, long time ago. | ||
| But the funny thing is, on the internet you can look it up, there's a National Geographic thing about these mummies, and there's a scientist being like, I don't like saying this, but... | ||
|
unidentified
|
There was marijuana on those mummies. | |
| What a fool. | ||
| What a fool he is. | ||
| I don't like saying that. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| Why are people so reluctant to admit the positive effects that all these, or the effects, the need that people have for all these different intoxicants? | ||
| Why is it so mainstream to dismiss it? | ||
| Is that some Nancy Reagan shit that's still left over? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, I think it's older than that. | ||
| I mean, God, isn't it like the people who came over here in the beginning were super religious, and they had all these ideas about sex and intoxication that were really super strict, and were their distant ancestors, | ||
| and somehow that line of guilt still remains, where if people are like, I only drink after 5 p.m., I only smoke marijuana after 4.20, They said all these things because you're not supposed to be in an intoxicated state more than a little bit. | ||
| And if you are, then you've got a drug problem. | ||
| I must have a drug problem. | ||
| Isn't it possible that not all drugs are exactly the same? | ||
| Isn't it possible that you don't put everything under the umbrella of drugs? | ||
| So what's holding it back? | ||
| Do you think the people that are holding it back... | ||
| I've always said no one needs pot more than the guy who wants pot to be illegal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, no one needs acid more than the guy who wants to make acid elite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| No one needs mushrooms. | ||
| You know, down the line. | ||
| It's so simple. | ||
| So how is it still in a situation the way it is in today, in 2011, with all the information that we have, it still never gets stopped? | ||
| And there's a feeling of helplessness about that. | ||
| Well, you know, they have reopened tests into MDMA and psilocybin, the Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies. | ||
| You can go to their website. | ||
| They're doing federally approved testing with MDMA for people with… Post-traumatic stress disorder. | ||
| Yeah, which I think is a great thing. | ||
| And I think it's going to be extremely beneficial, especially MDMA. There's a lot of really positive results with that. | ||
| I think psilocybin gets a little squirrely. | ||
| If you've had some horrific experiences abroad, I wouldn't recommend psilocybin. | ||
| If someone asked me what's the drug of choice, I would not say psilocybin. | ||
| They're not using that to treat post-traumatic stress disorder. | ||
| Especially if you might have done something you're not really entirely happy about. | ||
| You know what they're using it for? | ||
| What? | ||
| Terminal illness. | ||
| Those are the experiments that they've been doing where they give psilocybin to people who have late-stage cancer and it helps them overcome death-related anxiety because you take it You take synthetic psilocybin, which I would love to try, which is so much better than apparently regular. | ||
| Actually, I think that you're supposed to say psilocybin, because it's easier to dose out. | ||
| When you're eating mushrooms, it's not like each mushroom has an exact certain amount of psilocybin. | ||
| I wonder if the trip is this name. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know, the speculation about psychedelic trips is that the more people take the psychedelic trip, the more potent the psychedelic is. | ||
| So, like, that was the thing with ketamine. | ||
| McKenna always talked about how ketamine seemed like nobody had been there yet. | ||
| Like, you did this psychedelic experience and you got there. | ||
| He said, describe it as like a giant office building, but all the cubicles are empty. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| MySpace. | ||
| Right. | ||
| MySpace 2011. Whereas mushrooms, it's like you are diving into a giant, rich river of human history. | ||
| And it's all together. | ||
| All in one gigantic fucking soup. | ||
| And you're going to add your trip to this huge pool of trips. | ||
| But you know, the way they're doing these tests, you know, is so fucking cool. | ||
| And I would so love to have this. | ||
| They have people laid out on a bed and they have sitting on either side of them psychotherapists. | ||
| So while you're going into the ecstasy experience or while you're going into the mushroom experience, you have these people who are there to talk to you. | ||
| So that when you say, man, there's fucking super intelligent toddlers swimming through my body and mocking my thoughts, they could say, oh, let's talk about that. | ||
| What do you think those things are? | ||
| When you see them, describe them to me. | ||
| Or if you don't want to talk, if you just want to be by yourself, they leave you alone. | ||
| But they guide you through the experience. | ||
| It's kind of like Western shamanism. | ||
| But have they had the experience themselves, or are they just sort of a neutered bystander? | ||
| You know, I think if they have had the experience, I don't think that they're going to announce that, because it's such a strict fucking thing. | ||
| And just the fact that they're letting them reopen tests since, I believe, October 6th, 1966, was when LSD was made completely federally illegal, and all testing on psychedelics was brought to a halt, bringing us into a kind of... | ||
| Pharmacological dark age where nobody could fucking even experiment with the substances. | ||
| To find out what it is. | ||
| Meanwhile, you could get strychnine and pull it out of a plant and no one's ever going to bat an eye. | ||
| Meanwhile, you have people getting CAT scans and their fucking brain looks like the surface of the moon because they've been slurping back shitty club ecstasy and God knows what the fuck that is. | ||
| They haven't been taking pure pharmaceutical grade chemicals, which is what you should only take that when you're taking a hallucinogen. | ||
| Do you think that this idea of a trip, like when you take mushrooms, that you're entering into, accumulation of trips throughout human history, does that make sense to you? | ||
| And if that does make sense, then is the psilocybin that's chemically produced or that's artificially produced, does that bring it to the same place? | ||
| Yeah, I bet it does. | ||
| And it's just a radio frequency. | ||
| One tunes you in two different ways, maybe slightly different, but it's like you're still tuning into the same fucking station. | ||
| And I... And also, you know, the different tests that they did, for example, the Good Friday experiment at Harvard where they gave psilocybin to people in the basement of a church and piped down the church music to see if it induced mystical states. | ||
| And the modern stuff Johns Hopkins is doing with the same exact purpose to see if you can create mystical experience. | ||
| The effects they're having, they had from that is like people... | ||
| From the Johns Hopkins experience, reporting a year later that their lives are better, they're more connected with their family, that they feel like life is more worth living, their anxiety is decreased. | ||
| There's really positive results from it. | ||
| A lot of it's probably like, you know, when you're in your DNA, like, yeah, I have my grandfather's nose and stuff like that, like the history of your own DNA. So, like, maybe mushrooms lets you kind of tap the history of your DNA some way, like the memories of your ancestors. | ||
| It's probably, yeah, it's probably information, you know? | ||
| I mean, when you look at instincts, like a lot of instincts are set up just to protect you. | ||
| You know, from shit that's happened to people in the past. | ||
| And it's become, you know, a part of the human instinct, like, category, or catalog, rather, that you have in your mind. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. | ||
| You know, like the reason why people are afraid of monsters. | ||
| You know, little kids that grow up in cities are scared of monsters. | ||
| Well, the reason why is because when we were monkeys, jaguars used to eat people. | ||
| That's why you're scared to go out at night. | ||
| Why are you scared to go out at night? | ||
| Because the predators were fucking hunting you at night, man. | ||
| You got eaten. | ||
| When they look at a lot of the early hominid skulls, a lot of them show signs of predation by big cats. | ||
| That's what we're scared of. | ||
| So that monster, that flash in a child's mind of big teeth and big scary beasts. | ||
| That shit's ingrained in the memory, man. | ||
| There's something in there from one monkey a billion years ago or whatever that saw another monkey get jacked by a cat, you know? | ||
| Well, and also, that's why dogs are so excited when you come home. | ||
| Because, like, back when people first started domesticating dogs, if you went out on a hunting trip, there's, like, a good chance you were just going to get killed. | ||
| Like, coming home used to be a much bigger deal, you That's why your dog's like, you survived! | ||
| He survived! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank God! | |
| Thank God you survived! | ||
| Because a dog's still tuned. | ||
| Well, I mean, shit. | ||
| If my dog goes outside, it still might get eaten. | ||
| I'm a little chihuahua. | ||
| You know, I think one of the hardest things for us to really wrap our heads around is that we are just one frame in this infinite chapter. | ||
| And we're all trying to figure it out as it's going along. | ||
| We're all like trying to stop this ride. | ||
| Slow down. | ||
| Let me get a map of this. | ||
| Let me hold on, hold on, hold on. | ||
| Who's running the train? | ||
| Do we know who's running the train? | ||
| Can we slow the train down? | ||
| Shit! | ||
| Shit, do I hop off the train and watch it from the outside? | ||
| Let me stay on a little longer. | ||
| Where are we going? | ||
| What time is it? | ||
| Does anyone have the time? | ||
| We are all on this wild train ride and it's going to become someone else's train ride next life and it's going to keep going. | ||
| We're living and dying on this ride for as long as it takes. | ||
| Actually, the person on the train ride isn't you. | ||
| It's your DNA. And that's why it's always trying to get you to fuck. | ||
| Because it knows the train it's on is going off the tracks because you're going to die. | ||
| It's like you've You've got to make more! | ||
| You've got to make more! | ||
| I've got to get off this thing! | ||
| Eventually you're not going to last. | ||
| Well, no way! | ||
| Eventually, yeah. | ||
| We're all worm food, man. | ||
| There's no question about that. | ||
| Don't entertain the idea. | ||
| If you think you're not fucking dirt, then you're out of your mind. | ||
| Like, we're all doomed. | ||
| There's no way out of it. | ||
| We're all getting sucked into the future where we cease to exist. | ||
| Well, our bodies. | ||
| This body that you're rocking right now is not going to last. | ||
| Oh, our body, yeah. | ||
| I mean, what we really are. | ||
| Yeah, that thing goes on. | ||
| But who knows? | ||
| Is that true, though? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Everybody says, yeah, I know, but you don't know. | ||
| You don't know any more than you know that it does. | ||
| It's a fucking giant guessing game. | ||
| It's one of the most offensive things about religion, is that they pretend that they know something that is impossible to fucking know. | ||
| Can I just say... | ||
| It's just as ridiculous when hippies pretend that when they die, you will go into this interdimensional love. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| Can I please be the obnoxious hippie and be the hippie's advocate there and say Hippies advocate. | ||
| I think that, you know, the idea that people maybe have that you retain your personality when your body stops existing and you go into some kind of like new age paradise where you're flying around sipping honey out of the craters of heaven and after you're there for a certain amount of time you're like, you know what? | ||
| I think I want to go back to Earth and reincarnate as a kid with Down Syndrome. | ||
| I don't think that happens. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I don't think that that really happens because I don't believe that so many people on the Earth who maybe are born with disabilities or in incredibly difficult situations, it's hard for me to imagine someone at a super-dimensional spa being like, yeah, you know, I want to... | ||
| I think it's time for me to reincarnate as a blind person who can't walk and who, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| So that's silly. | ||
| And sorry for the too long explanation for that. | ||
| But I think that there is another thing that we are, no matter what, which is our consciousness. | ||
| And I think once the body ceases to exist, that consciousness continues to radiate inside of everything and through everything. | ||
| I'm not necessarily convinced that consciousness is not attached completely to being a biological entity. | ||
| One of the things about being a biological entity, being something with some sort of a You know, you have personal sovereignty. | ||
| You have the ability to control your own movement and destiny. | ||
| That's why consciousness, like the actual thought of consciousness as an entity, that's where it comes from. | ||
| It comes from the need to keep this one thing alive. | ||
| When you die and you become the next thing, if there is the next thing, it's very possible there will be no consciousness. | ||
| It's very possible that the idea of consciousness is some egocentric, ridiculous notion that you have to keep the idea of you. | ||
| But let's explore that. | ||
| When you aren't you. | ||
| When you are a drop in a river of information. | ||
| And that's what leaves this life. | ||
| And that there is no consciousness. | ||
| But that idea that you just said, this is an idea that is the... | ||
| Forgive me. | ||
| Atheists get really mad when you talk about atheism. | ||
| Some atheists can get very sensitive. | ||
| Atheists are just as silly as religious people. | ||
| But atheists have a ghost story. | ||
| They really are, aren't they? | ||
| Any organization. | ||
| But the atheist ghost story. | ||
| So Christians have a ghost story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Christian ghost story is hell. | ||
| The atheist ghost story is a different ghost story because an atheist will inevitably tell you, no, you don't understand, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you die, everything stops. | |
| There's nothing. | ||
| It's complete nothingness. | ||
| You can't comprehend it because there's no way to comprehend it because it's nothing. | ||
| And then they stop and they expect you to be like, oh my God, that's terrible. | ||
| But if you look at what Socrates said, which you guys should read because it's fucking hilarious and awesome, when he made what's called his apology because they wanted to execute him and make him drink hemlock. | ||
| In his response to their attempt to execute him, he said, okay, I tell you what, here's the deal. | ||
| If you kill me, And I die. | ||
| And there's nothing. | ||
| Like when I'm in my deepest sleep, and the deepest, deepest sleep, and there's just nothing at all, then you've given me paradise. | ||
| That's paradise. | ||
| Because this isn't exactly a fucking fun park here in early Athens. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| being in complete non-existence for infinity might be better than having to like sneak around and fuck 14 year olds because I'm getting too old to catch them I can't catch these 14 year old Olympian athletes | ||
| And then the other thing he said to them is, if there is something after this, if I die, if you give me this stuff and there's some other thing and I continue to exist, then I'm going to keep doing what I was doing here. | ||
| Which was going around and embarrassing everybody with his mode of inquisition that essentially makes you realize that you don't know anything. | ||
| Well, have you ever heard the theory that every timeline, every life is repeated until you get it right? | ||
| And that what we're dealing with, this one timeline of this earth that you are listening to this podcast right now, you are a part of an infinite number of timelines that are all interwoven. | ||
| And that you go through this one, and then you come back until you get it right. | ||
| And you keep doing it until you have no shitty thoughts, until you have... | ||
| Nothing wrong, no personality defects, until you literally, ultimately achieve enlightenment. | ||
| Oh, can I add something? | ||
| That's the biggest hippie theory. | ||
| Well, I mean, you say it is, but the evidence states that the universe itself is fractal, okay? | ||
| And the latest findings about Big Bang, or about black holes, rather, is that inside every black hole exists the possibility of another universe. | ||
| That's the ultimate fractal, because we know that inside every galaxy is a black hole. | ||
| And if inside every galaxy there's a supermassive black hole, it's exactly one half of one percent of the mass of the galaxy. | ||
| And what the theory is, is that inside that black hole exists a whole other universe with hundreds of billions of galaxies, each with a black hole in the center of them, Each has hundreds of billions of galaxies inside of it, and it never ends. | ||
| And it literally is the ultimate fractal. | ||
| If that's the case, I don't think it's that preposterous that your silly little fucking life can be repeated over and over again. | ||
| You know, oh, I'm going to be Bob the Postman until I die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no. | |
| You're going to be a Bob the Postman for infinity, you motherfucker, until you get it right. | ||
| I don't think that's any more ridiculous than the idea that inside every black hole is another fucking universe. | ||
| I think it's... | ||
| The positive part, that's kind of ridiculous. | ||
| Until you're positive and you have no negative energy, that just sounds like... | ||
| If you can live your life without fucking it up, do you think that's possible? | ||
| There's a negative version of that idea that you just had. | ||
| And it's from Nietzsche. | ||
| And his idea is exactly the same thing. | ||
| It's called infinite return or something. | ||
| The law of infinite... | ||
| I can't remember the name of it. | ||
| But his idea isn't that when you get things right, then you get to move on. | ||
| His idea is no. | ||
| You don't get to get things right. | ||
| Everything just happens infinitely exactly the way it happened this time. | ||
| So, the amount of time in your life, if you are happier more than you are sad in your life, then you are in heaven. | ||
| And if you are in misery more than you are happier in your life, then you're in hell. | ||
| And that goes on forever. | ||
| And a deja vu... | ||
| That seems like a giant leap though. | ||
| If you can live this life over again, you're telling me that somehow or another, what kind of super order can have every car stop in the exact same spot, every red light be there when you get there, Rewind your DVD. Yeah. | ||
| Okay, so life is just a movie, and everything that's ever been done in your life is predetermined completely. | ||
| These are all thought experiments, by the way, and Nietzsche was using it more as a thought experiment. | ||
| All I'm saying is that it just requires this giant leap to think that everything's got to fall into place exactly the same way. | ||
| Well, it all goes back to the idea that you are... | ||
| You are the only person that you can prove has self-awareness. | ||
| You don't know that I have self-awareness. | ||
| You don't know that Brian has self-awareness. | ||
| So that's the idea. | ||
| You can't prove there's anyone else except you. | ||
| You like to think that we all have self-awareness. | ||
| You like to think that we're not projections of you, but it's possible That you're the universe in the very first phase of it's waking up and it's having this nervous breakdown where it projects this bizarre reality where you're like hosting a podcast and you host the UFC and you used to host Fear Factor. | ||
| I mean, doesn't it all seem kind of absurd, like a ridiculous weird dream? | ||
| Do you really think it's happening? | ||
| Well, that's the idea. | ||
| If everyone can individually do that same thing to them and look at your life and really think of all the coincidences And synchronicities that have happened in your life and all the bizarre events that maybe even just happened to you today. | ||
| You really think that that's all an accident? | ||
| You really think that this whole thing hasn't been planned out just for you? | ||
| Anyway, it's a narcissistic idea. | ||
| It is a narcissistic idea, and really, ultimately, it's just one of a million different possibilities. | ||
| And so to commit to any one of them, you know, it's just like the idea of you saying to atheists, being like, this is it, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When it's over, it's just darkness and emptiness forever. | |
| Whoa. | ||
| The other atheist boogeyman is the guy who shoots people at the abortion clinic. | ||
| That's the other one. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| They're terrified of that guy. | ||
| But meanwhile, they're not terrified of a vacuum cleaner sucking babies out of pussies all day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Baby brains. | |
| Whoop, whoop, whoop. | ||
| Just shooting babies into the great beyond out of a vacuum cleaner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At a specific spot every day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's your job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's a sad job. | ||
| Who the fuck... | ||
| That is a sad job. | ||
| You know, when I was growing up, I heard Bill Cosby for the first time, and I was like, man, comedy is fucking incredible. | ||
| This guy just made it where I can't breathe for the entire album. | ||
| Is there somebody who's like, mom comes home, and she's like, the abortion went all right, Larry. | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| One day I'll give abortions. | ||
| Who dreams of being an abortionist? | ||
| Yeah, that's something you sort of stumble on. | ||
| You know, you fuck this chick. | ||
| Craigslist ad. | ||
| You probably shouldn't have. | ||
| You get her pregnant. | ||
| How do we do this? | ||
| You get a medical textbook? | ||
| A vacuum cleaner? | ||
| Yeah, you go to school for it. | ||
| Say, this is never happening again. | ||
| Learn how to kill babies. | ||
| That's one of the top shitty jobs, man. | ||
| I mean, that's not a satisfying job. | ||
| Like, if you're someone who delivers babies, you come home and you're like, I delivered three babies today. | ||
| Life is beautiful. | ||
| What do you do when you come home as an abortion doctor? | ||
| You're like, I fucking sucked out 30 fetuses today. | ||
| Unless you hate babies, unless you're already some kind of psycho like that. | ||
| You're one step away from killing people, so you're an abortion doctor. | ||
| Oof, God. | ||
| Well, you know what, man? | ||
| It takes every kind of people. | ||
| I'm sure there's been one of those out there. | ||
| You know? | ||
| If you can speculate it, the millions and millions of humans in this country alone. | ||
| Like, what if you went to your abortion doctor and he had a dartboard with a fetus on it? | ||
| Or if his favorite TV show is Dexter or something. | ||
| He just hates fetuses. | ||
| They're terrible. | ||
| I just hate those fucking things. | ||
| They freak me out. | ||
| So ridiculous. | ||
| At war with fetuses? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man. | |
| He's like a fetus that grew out of control. | ||
| He turned into a human and just started killing fetuses. | ||
| Do you ever toy with the idea that, you know, I mean, you said that everything, you know, there's this possibility that everything exists by plan and that the same life will repeat itself over and over and over again. | ||
| Do you ever toy with the idea of the human being as the caterpillar that will become the butterfly? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that, you know, our whole society, that the massive, accelerating pace is moving us towards this event? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, man, that's the, to me, yes, that's the idea that I adhere to the most. | ||
| It's like, I don't know what it is. | ||
| And of course, we can't know what it is. | ||
| But just from looking at the weather, you know it's going to rain. | ||
| And you can look at what's happening now. | ||
| And every time I sit down in front of my fucking iMac and basking in the glow of World of Warcraft as I eat edible marijuana, I consider to myself, It's only going to be about 20 more years that you're outside the machine. | ||
| They are neurologically going to figure out how to put you into this place where you can experience weightlessness, where the weight of the body is lifted, and you can live in a virtual paradise for the last part of your life. | ||
| That's something we all have to look forward to, is making the decision. | ||
| I mean, depending on how old you are right now or how healthy you are, you will eventually have to make the decision. | ||
| Between spending most of your time in this world, or spending most of your time in a virtual universe, a virtual paradise that is indistinguishable, or probably only the distinguishment is that it's a million times better than here. | ||
| And then somebody will hack it, because it's made by Sony, and get inside your head, and... | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| And then you're fucked. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| There's going to be some problems initially, but... | ||
| Isn't that crazy about that Sony shit? | ||
| Yeah, what exactly did happen? | ||
| First, their network just went down for a couple days, but they didn't say anything. | ||
| And supposedly, a hacker got in, and they don't know what they got. | ||
| They don't know if they got their names and credit cards, but people are thinking they got credit card numbers. | ||
| That's like millions of people's cards... | ||
| I told you, I got jacked. | ||
| They stole my credit card. | ||
| I get phone calls from American Express. | ||
| Are you buying $500 worth of Godiva chocolate? | ||
| I guess they probably bought a bunch of gift cards. | ||
| Did you go to Norman Nordstrom's and spend $2,000 in Neiman Marcus? | ||
| They just went off, these fucking people. | ||
| That sucks, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's creepy. | ||
| It's weird to know that there's these weird little electronic parasites that click, click, click, they get the number, and then they make a new card, and they're just sucking numbers out of the system. | ||
| My website just got infiltrated by... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, and they went into the HTML. I still have to fix it. | ||
| If you go to my website now, there's nothing there. | ||
| I'd take it down. | ||
| But... | ||
| They injected into the HTML of my index page, any place there was HTML, some kind of fucking iframe that took people to a website in Russia or something. | ||
| So when you went to my website, a Google alert would pop up and say, this site is known for hosting malware. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I had to go in and erase everything, but they got my password, which is totally weird, man. | ||
| It's like, I don't know how they figured out my fucking password. | ||
| It's like, I love the internet. | ||
| Have you ever seen that documentary on hackers? | ||
| There's this documentary they did about this one area of Soviet bloc, Eastern Europe. | ||
| I forget what exact country it is, but one Soviet country, one former Soviet country, and they're all hackers. | ||
| Like, the whole country's filled with hackers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| They went through this city and everyone's got a Mercedes. | ||
| They're just fucking everybody. | ||
| These young guys have figured out a way to fuck the system and steal all this money. | ||
| Yeah, that's what happened. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| How do they do that? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can that be fixed? | |
| It's a bot. | ||
| It's a bot mixed in with, obviously, a shitty password. | ||
| I got my fucking World of Warcraft account hacked a while ago. | ||
| Really? | ||
| How often do you play that fucked up game? | ||
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| My Dathrak is a warlock and he's almost level 71. How do you feel about the guys who buy and sell their characters? | ||
| What do you think about that? | ||
| Is that cheating? | ||
| Buying a character? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can't you build up some sort of character? | ||
| Or buying gold. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can't you do something like that where your character's got superpowers? | ||
| Well, I mean, yeah, you can do that, but you're going to miss the friendship and companionship of your guild. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Don't you want to... | ||
| There's lifelong friendships we form. | ||
| Do you have buddies in your guild? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| He breaks World of Warcraft just like every couple months. | ||
| He'll break it just so he won't play it. | ||
| No, I don't break it. | ||
| That doesn't work anymore. | ||
| Blizzard fixed that. | ||
| Now you can like... | ||
| It's there no matter what. | ||
| Is it online? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, because I get obsessive with video games. | ||
| So when I get addicted, what I do is I just delete it, destroy the property, make it so that I can't play it anymore. | ||
| So that it... | ||
| There's a roadblock in between me having to download it, and then inevitably I'll download it again and play. | ||
| It's a cycle of addiction. | ||
| Yeah, that and StarCraft, you're on both of them now. | ||
| Do you have to have it inside your computer? | ||
| Do you have to have a CD in there to play it, or is it an online thing? | ||
| You download the beautiful, beautiful thing. | ||
| You don't need to... | ||
| Yeah, but you have to have it on your computer. | ||
| Because Quake Live, you download a client app, but it's all online now. | ||
| Well, I don't know how much of it's online. | ||
| No, you just download the program. | ||
| It's like 8 gigs. | ||
| But obviously there's other servers that are... | ||
| But what do you get to do that's so cool that you're on it every day? | ||
| Do you get to shoot people? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Kids play make-believe. | ||
| I wish that tone wasn't in your voice when you asked that question. | ||
| We're all different. | ||
| You must accept my video game murderous tendencies. | ||
| Listen, it's embarrassing and it's childish. | ||
| I'll totally admit that. | ||
| But it's fucking awesome. | ||
| They've figured out a way. | ||
| Human beings are based on a reward system. | ||
| You do something good and you get a reward. | ||
| And that makes you feel good. | ||
| You go jogging, the endorphins kick in. | ||
| Whenever you accomplish a task, you feel good. | ||
| So the people at Blizzard... | ||
| And the CIA joined forces and they figured out how to neurologically replicate that sort of endorphin rush in a kind of ever-accelerating pace. | ||
| So the game, the higher level you get, the more the game begins to complexify and the terrain that you are used to that you already thought was cool all of a sudden becomes a million times cooler and then a million times cooler and then a million times cooler so that you get hooked. | ||
| It's like a Pavlovian fucking response. | ||
| You also have an online girlfriend, don't you? | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| A lover. | ||
| I wouldn't call her a girlfriend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the odds that it might be a dude? | |
| We are who we decide we are, Joe. | ||
| There's no real sex on here. | ||
| That's a funny idea. | ||
| Would you be willing to exchange pretend love messages to a guy playing a woman? | ||
| No, but let me ask you this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He thought about that for a while. | |
| Let's say in the future. | ||
| No, of course not. | ||
| But let's say in the future. | ||
| He's rubbing his dick. | ||
| But in the future, let's imagine that this thing we were talking about, a neurologically projected universe exists. | ||
| Right. | ||
| People are going to have to deal with super hot girls coming up to them that are, you know, really quite beautiful. | ||
| And you're going to know there's a chance this is a guy on earth and in the real world. | ||
| So at that point... | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Well, it's just a personality. | ||
| It's a mind behind the machine. | ||
| I've dated a lot of girls that had a dude's mind. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Might as well have been a dude. | ||
| I mean, it wasn't, but it might as well have been. | ||
| You ever date a girl who wants to yell at you all the time and argue with you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| Whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| Are you a dude? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| Why are you acting all dude-like and aggressive? | ||
| Why do you have a dip in your mouth? | ||
| Ew, you dated a girl with dips? | ||
| Who had a dip? | ||
| That's a fucking deal breaker right there. | ||
| I've got buddies that dip and it never bothers me, you know? | ||
| Spitting in a cup, it's kind of gross, but whatever. | ||
| But when I was dating a chick and she started doing it, I'd be like, get the fuck away from me, you crazy bitch. | ||
| What's next? | ||
| You want to peg a motherfucker? | ||
| You want to get your peg on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For those who don't know, Peg is when a girl puts on a dildo and straps it on and sticks it in your butt. | ||
| Apparently it happens so often that there's a name for it. | ||
| What a fucking weird world we live in, man. | ||
| What a weird world. | ||
| Hey, at least Osama bin Laden's dead. | ||
| We got him. | ||
| God, I can breathe a sigh of relief. | ||
| People fucking cheering at the White House. | ||
| They went on the White House lawn and they're fucking dancing and singing. | ||
| Na, na, na, na. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey. | |
| I think we should all be like, shh, no, alright, he's dead. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, he was dead in 1992. I've got the documents right here. | ||
| 1992, it's a black ops... | ||
| Dude, I really love that. | ||
| That is a hilarious narrative that Alex Jones is talking about, because the implication is that there's somewhere in the CIA where there's like a frozen Bin Laden ice cube, and they're just waiting to melt him. | ||
| Wasn't that the premise of a movie? | ||
| Wasn't there a guy who did that, who killed people and froze them and then dropped the bodies off? | ||
| And, oh, I think it was the Iceman. | ||
| That's who it was. | ||
| It wasn't a premise of a movie. | ||
| It was that guy, that crazy hitman for the mob called the Iceman, the Iceman Chronicles on HBO, which if you haven't seen it, they are fucking terrifying to know that this guy existed. | ||
| He was a crazy fuck. | ||
| You know, that guy used to play pool. | ||
| And he used to gamble, not with people that I know, but with people that I know who know the people. | ||
| And he, as long as you didn't make a fool out of him, he would lose some money. | ||
| He liked to gamble. | ||
| So he would go in and play some pool as long as you didn't rob him and make a fool out of him. | ||
| You know, as long as it was a competitive game. | ||
| But I guess he got in some sort of an argument with one guy. | ||
| One of the first guys he ever killed was over a pool game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He used to, and apparently he had one situation with one guy. | ||
| It felt like the guy was robbing him. | ||
| The guy fucking disappeared. | ||
| Nobody ever saw him again. | ||
| He killed so many people, man. | ||
| He killed people over just, a guy would step on his toe, he would kill him, he would shoot arsenic in his drink, and the guy would never know what hit him. | ||
| Yeah, and he's got that weird accent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can you do his voice? | ||
| No, I'd have to listen to it. | ||
| I can only do accents when I hear them. | ||
| Yeah, he's a strange guy, but he already stepped on my foot at the theater, so I just followed him out to his car. | ||
| I hope they release this on Death Photos, though, because they haven't decided yet. | ||
| Yeah, why would they want to release that? | ||
| He's probably still got frost on him. | ||
| Well, I guess a lot of the senators... | ||
| I told you to farm more! | ||
| He looks like Frosty the Snowman. | ||
| In 2002, it was reported he was going through dialysis. | ||
| We've got the papers right here. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know, man. | ||
| I used to have that bit about Osama Bin Laden being a character in a Batman movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Think about this. | ||
| He used to work for the good guys, but then he switched forces and joined the dark side. | ||
| He's a billionaire who hates us. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He lives underground. | ||
| And we almost capture him, and every time they get him, he slips away and leaves behind a threatening tape. | ||
| I'm like, this is an episode of fucking Scooby-Doo. | ||
| I mean, this is ridiculous. | ||
| And the video, despite how good video cameras were all over the world, was always shit. | ||
| It was always like one of those first-generation cell phone videos when you can only take like 30 seconds of video. | ||
| You remember those? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Remember, that's what the videos of Bin Laden always look like. | ||
| It's always blurry and fucking weird. | ||
| He's probably been dead forever, man. | ||
| There was that one fake video that was 100% fake. | ||
| Where they had a couple photos of him and a video of him, but his face was fat. | ||
| He looked like a different guy, like a totally different guy. | ||
| They put transparencies of the two of them over each other. | ||
| But, you know, as they get more sophisticated, they just stop releasing videos. | ||
| He doesn't have to make videos. | ||
| Let's just have him stop making videos. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah, the fucking fake Bin Laden sucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The guy didn't lose enough weight. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So, I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't buy it. | ||
| They lie about so much shit. | ||
| So you don't think they've killed Bin Laden? | ||
| She's dead as fuck. | ||
| I think he's probably dead a long time ago. | ||
| I just don't think it just happened. | ||
| I mean, it might have. | ||
| Look, they said SEAL Team 6 killed him, and if that is the case, those guys aren't going to keep their mouths shut. | ||
| They're not going to pretend that they killed somebody and not. | ||
| I mean, I don't think they would take... | ||
| I mean, when you're dealing with SEALs, there's a code that those guys live by, and I don't necessarily think they would pretend that they killed somebody like that. | ||
| Who's SEAL Team 6? | ||
| They're supposedly like the baddest motherfuckers in the SEALs. | ||
| The scariest ones they send into terrible, hostile areas to kill bad guys. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Those are the ones that like... | ||
| Have you ever read some of those books that Dick Marchenko... | ||
| I think that's his name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The Rogue Warrior. | ||
| Great fucking books. | ||
| All the nutty shit that he did like... | ||
| All throughout the years as a head of one of those SEAL Team 6 units where they all would have long hair and tattoos and they would look weird. | ||
| It was like a fucking goddamn Sylvester Stallone movie. | ||
| It's like The Expendables, but it was real. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that, man. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| I mean, if you watch those, you ever watch any of those Discovery Channel specials on how they recruit people and what you have to go through Hell Week and you have to go through where you're trying not to be a Navy SEAL? Dude, the people that get through that are some extraordinary fuckers. | ||
| Those are people who would do some crazy shit. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that love and live for the idea of getting a fucking flat out straight license to be a bad motherfucker killing machine. | ||
| And if you want to, if you're good enough at killing people and you're willing to pledge your loyalty to the United States government... | ||
| They'll take you in. | ||
| They'll train you. | ||
| They'll fucking give you a great attitude and a lot of psychological counseling that they've been working on for decades. | ||
| They've got it down to a science. | ||
| They know exactly how to tune your mind so they can send you places to go fuck people up. | ||
| 2011, baby. | ||
| So there's a guy right now from SEAL Team 6. Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's a whole bunch of them. | ||
| But there's one specific guy who's like, killed Bin Laden yesterday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd like a cup of, I'll take a Diet Coke and pancakes. | |
| I don't think he drinks Diet Coke. | ||
| He's probably drinking whiskey out of a bottle. | ||
| And they're singing. | ||
| Yeah, they've probably been singing since the moment it happened. | ||
| Bandanas over bullet wounds. | ||
| I'll get it patched up later, boss. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fun to think about it being real, but it does seem to me a little suspicious that at 2 a.m. | ||
| they dumped his body off the side of an aircraft carrier. | ||
| The SEAL Team 6 is the seals of the seals. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| The SEAL Team 6 was labeled Team 6 at the time to confuse Soviet intelligence about the number of SEAL teams in operation at the time. | ||
| There were only two others, but Team Six poached the top operatives from all the other SEAL units and trained them even more intensely. | ||
| So even among proven SEALs, the attrition rate for Team Six is half. | ||
| So, half of the bad motherfuckers that become SEALs, the only half of them can survive to be Team Six. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, and they sent these psychos over there to kill him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Maybe they did. | ||
| Or maybe he's been dead forever. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| You know, who the fuck knows? | ||
| Once you hear that Jessica Lynch story, you go, okay, all bets are off. | ||
| They're not doing anything different now than they were back then. | ||
| They were just making shit up back then when they said there was a firefight to rescue, you know, a private Jessica Lynch. | ||
| And, you know, she was this poor little girl from wherever the fuck she was, Nebraska or Kansas or some shit. | ||
| You know, and then she came out and she's like, listen, nobody rescued me. | ||
| I was in a hospital. | ||
| There was no gunfight. | ||
| I want to just step away from all this. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| And then she got death threats and you fucking traitor. | ||
| You know, she had to hide and fucking scary shit, man. | ||
| The government doesn't tell the truth. | ||
| If they're telling us that this happened, this is not what happened. | ||
| Something else happened. | ||
| It's a fact. | ||
| Wait, wait, wait. | ||
| You don't believe our great president, Obama, was sitting in a situation room and being shown the plans to descend on this base and attack Osama Bin Laden. | ||
| You don't believe that that was happening? | ||
| Looks good, SEAL Team 6. I'm going to declare code red on Osama Bin Laden. | ||
| Yeah, this is a movie, bro. | ||
| This is going to be in a movie, right? | ||
| Yeah, listen. | ||
| Nicholas Cage will be in it. | ||
| We must wait to do this until after the royal wedding. | ||
| I say they cast Nicholas Cage as the hardened veteran who doesn't give a fuck, and he goes over there because if you're going to do a job right, you've got to do it yourself. | ||
| It was Hitler's death day. | ||
| Remember that movie that he was in with the plane? | ||
| What's that movie like? | ||
| Oh yeah, it's always on reruns for some reason. | ||
| I know exactly. | ||
| It's Con Air, is that what it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Con Air! | ||
| Where all the cons got on the plane, they escaped. | ||
| That's the movie, bro. | ||
| It's Con Air. | ||
| The whole cast of Con Air comes back for Get Bin Laden. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Hitler's death day. | ||
| Who's the top seal? | ||
| Who's the top seal? | ||
| Who's his number one killer? | ||
| Ready? | ||
| Charlie Sheen. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's great. | ||
| Number one killer. | ||
| Charlie Sheen was in the movie Navy Seals, bro. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He was in Navy Seals. | ||
| We can make him the top Navy Seal. | ||
| He was also in Hot Shots. | ||
| Ooh, there you go, dude. | ||
| And Major League. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| He's All-American. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He could be the top cop guy. | ||
| And Dolph Lundgren makes a comeback as well, but dies before they complete their mission. | ||
| Well, can't we? | ||
| Let's make it... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Your idea is not accessible enough. | ||
| Why don't we make it... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, let's make it... | ||
| I thought it was pretty mainstream. | ||
| Let's make it dads. | ||
| Let's make it recently divorced dads. | ||
| Seal team dads? | ||
| Yes, seal team pops. | ||
| And they're talking to their daughter on the phone and, you know, daddy loves you. | ||
| Meanwhile, he's like loading bullets into a chamber. | ||
| We gotta do this. | ||
| Yeah, and the ex-wife, they wind up getting back together again right at the end of the movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, and an old Navy SEAL. How do you even remember Steve Guttenberg? | |
| I said Alicia Silverstone on a plane. | ||
| I was like, who the hell is that? | ||
| How do I even remember her? | ||
| What happened to that girl? | ||
| Did she have a kid? | ||
| What happened to Gutenberg? | ||
| Went crazy. | ||
| Yeah, Gutenberg, there's a famous scene of him outside of Phil Hartman's house after the shooting, after his wife killed him and then killed herself. | ||
| Steve Gutenberg showed up for the photo op With a suit and tie on and started doing interviews with the press. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Pleading with the media to have some class and taste and handle this with dignity and leave the family alone. | ||
| But the way he was doing it, it was like so clearly him just trying to get attention. | ||
| It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. | ||
| Because we, us as a cast, I never remembered Steve Guttenberg coming up from Phil. | ||
| It wasn't like, my best bud Steve Guttenberg, we're going fishing this weekend. | ||
| You know, it's like, Steve Guttenberg is just sort of like... | ||
| Was he a neighbor? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe he was just like a next door neighbor. | ||
| No, I don't believe he was, man. | ||
| And if he was, why would you come out and say, hi, this is where I live. | ||
| Come visit me. | ||
| That's so sad. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, it's that wannabe famous thing, man. | ||
| You know, and when it goes away, there's nothing weirder than someone who used to be famous and isn't anymore and really desperately wants to be again. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Very strange, man. | ||
| You know, you ever met a guy that's in a band and the band was big and now they're not big anymore and they're all weirded out? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen it. | ||
| It's a weird fucking... | ||
| I've seen that symptom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've seen it all before, Joe. | |
| It's disgusting, man. | ||
| He's a Navy SEAL 6 team of life. | ||
| He used to be famous. | ||
| Now he's not. | ||
| There's only one way to win back his fame. | ||
| Kill the man who tried to destroy America. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I want my movies to have aliens in them. | ||
| That's why I liked Avatar. | ||
| Yeah, it was simple. | ||
| Yeah, I saw the whole thing coming. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I knew the guy was going to be good in the end. | ||
| I knew it. | ||
| However... | ||
| It was good because there was aliens and it was fake. | ||
| It wasn't like some stupid real-life situation that you're trying to recreate. | ||
| The one thing that drives me the most nuts is people that want you to go see really depressing movies. | ||
| Really depressing, dark movies. | ||
| And you're like, well, I can live that, man. | ||
| I can see that on TV. I don't know. | ||
| When I go to the movies, I just want to be entertained. | ||
| Have you seen the fucking, speaking of depressing movies, have you seen the Antichrist? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Have you seen the movie The Antichrist? | ||
| No. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it terrible? | |
| It's one of the most depressing, dark, no, it's not new, but it has some of the most, well, I mean, it's moderately new. | ||
| It is so fucked up, man. | ||
| Is it an American movie? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Oh, here, I'm looking at it here. | ||
| Wow, I've got a lot of stars. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| Grieving couple retreats to their cabin in the woods hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage. | ||
| But nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse. | ||
| Yeah, that doesn't even... | ||
| One percent describe how fucked up it is. | ||
| Good? | ||
| Oh yeah, it's really good, but I don't want to do any spoiler alerts here, but there's some fucking disgusting shit that happens in it. | ||
| It's 2009. Willem Dafoe stars. | ||
| Lars Van Trier, is that his name? | ||
| The director? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're on the ball, son. | ||
| It just popped into my head. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I usually can't remember my own name. | ||
| So, is this depressing? | ||
| Is it going to be sad? | ||
| Yeah, it's depressing and sad and fucked up. | ||
| I want a monster movie, dude. | ||
| I don't want that nonsense. | ||
| What about The Walking Dead? | ||
| Have you seen The Walking Dead? | ||
| Yeah, I'm watching it. | ||
| Oh, it's so good! | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I fucking love it, man. | ||
| I just got done with episode one. | ||
| I'm gearing up number two tonight. | ||
| I'm so pissed that they're not making another one until next year. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I'm not sure exactly what happened. | ||
| I know the guy fired all his writers, supposedly, at the end of the season. | ||
| That's something I heard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah? | |
| Yeah, but apparently it's based on a comic book, which now I want to read from watching it. | ||
| But it's like, what's so cool about it, man, is in other zombie movies, they never explore the emotional impact that being in a zombie apocalypse would take on you. | ||
| And the directing of the acting, he's really good at directing people how to act when they're in shock, which is what you'd pretty much be in if you were dealing with that kind of event happening. | ||
| Why is that such a prevalent theme, the zombie theme? | ||
| Why is that so reoccurring? | ||
| I mean, out of all the potential monsters, there's like the two big ones are vampires and zombies. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's got to be some kind of subconscious cultural projection of our realization that we're all kind of wandering through life like zombies, you know? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| The way people are acting is kind of this bizarre, like, they're just thinking about eating. | ||
| I mean, not brains, but all they're thinking about is like, I don't Do you really think that's what it is? | ||
| Because the fear is not just to be a zombie. | ||
| The fear is to get the zombie to eat you. | ||
| I think the real fear is people afraid of cannibalism and people breaking down and becoming monsters. | ||
| Well, I mean, yeah, I think, I guess I'm going a little, like, too, I just smoked Joe Rogan's weed deep, but I think that, yeah, I mean, fuck, that is a scary idea, is, like, seeing, like, yeah, what's worse than being chomped on by humans? | ||
| That moment when they rip you apart and put their intestines around their neck? | ||
| Why do zombies always do that? | ||
| It's cool, looks cool on TV. Oh, intestines! | ||
| They always have to wear, they wear them, they rub their faces in it, it's so gross, but... | ||
| Why do they do that? | ||
| Just eat. | ||
| Just eat. | ||
| Stop playing with your food. | ||
| What's your all-time favorite zombie movie? | ||
| There's only one answer. | ||
| The correct answer, by the way. | ||
| It used to be Dawn of the Dead. | ||
| Until 28 days later. | ||
| Oh yeah, I forgot about that. | ||
| That's the best one. | ||
| 28 days later, showing at the dead. | ||
| 28 days later, you know what I loved? | ||
| They ran at you. | ||
| They ran. | ||
| I'm not into these slow-ass zombies who you can just peck off with guns. | ||
| That's the evolution of the zombie there. | ||
| Yeah, the evolution of the zombie is it's a disease and they run at you. | ||
| Well, that's my big problem with zombies is that people in Egypt... | ||
| Who had like regular minds and didn't want to eat brains. | ||
| It took them a long time to overthrow the regime there. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But somehow zombies are able to overthrow the military in every one of these movies. | ||
| Like the military can't stop these shuffling morons. | ||
| There's like tanks turned over somehow. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do they do? | |
| How do they turn over the tanks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A zombie can't stop a tank. | |
| What is that? | ||
| What we need to do is send zombies to Libya to overthrow the government. | ||
| These drone attacks aren't working. | ||
| That's what zombies would do. | ||
| They would become a new military weapon. | ||
| We would just send a bunch of zombies in an airplane carrier and just let them lose. | ||
| Shuffle out. | ||
| I think you're talking about SEAL Team 7. Zombie team. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Find Osama zombies. | ||
| What the fuck is that about, man? | ||
| The zombie thing. | ||
| People love them, too. | ||
| People love zombie movies, man. | ||
| There's a guaranteed core group of humans. | ||
| You're going to get every zombie movie you make. | ||
| There's a core audience. | ||
| You've got a new zombie movie coming out. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| You're going to get a certain percentage of people. | ||
| And I'm one of them. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| I fucking love that shit. | ||
| You get me for every monster movie. | ||
| Everything you got, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you got? | |
| Dragons. | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Werewolves. | ||
| There's no way I could avoid it. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just check my Wikipedia page. | ||
| Somebody says right now? | ||
| Yeah, somebody said that during the Twilight series, I often refer to myself as a werewolf. | ||
| We've been saying to people, I'm not saying that you should put this on Wikipedia, but if you do, I'm not going to change it. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| So it says I'm on some man shit. | ||
| By the way, I did Massey Hall in Toronto on Friday night. | ||
| 2,600 podcast fans. | ||
| It was like all podcast fans. | ||
| Except this one dude who brought his teenage son who apparently didn't read the signs. | ||
| I guess he didn't know what he was getting into. | ||
| His son probably likes MMA. I'm like, go see the Fear Factor guy. | ||
| There's signs that say, warning the Joe Rogan show will contain the strongest language and material content imaginable. | ||
| That's what I came up with. | ||
| So that you can't say that I didn't warn you. | ||
| It says the strongest imaginable. | ||
| And I might be right. | ||
| And apparently during the... | ||
| There's this one port in my joke where I talk about a fake baby getting his dick sucked. | ||
| And he didn't like it. | ||
| He got up. | ||
| I heard about some people that were in their section I couldn't have possibly known because the joke was killing and there was thousands and thousands of people. | ||
| That Massey Hall is fucking huge. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| It's so crazy doing a show like that where there's that many people. | ||
| That's the most I've ever performed for. | ||
| And I'm glad I'm doing that thing lately where I do like an hour and ten, something like that. | ||
| Just the best way to do it, man. | ||
| I did an hour and ten. | ||
| Just stomped it. | ||
| And I was so amped up for that show. | ||
| It was the first show in a long time that I was actually kind of nervous for. | ||
| Like as I was walking... | ||
| Not nervous, like, oh, I'm scared. | ||
| But like all day, I was like, whoa, I got a big fucking show tonight. | ||
| And when you go out on stage and there's 2,600 people and they're screaming... | ||
| And it's super intimate, too, the way it's set up. | ||
| Because there's three tiers. | ||
| And they're pretty much in your face. | ||
| They're all in your face. | ||
| 2,600 of them. | ||
| Fucking awesome. | ||
| And Doug Benson was there. | ||
| And Doug Benson was hanging out with his buddy, who's his opening act. | ||
| I go, what are you doing tonight? | ||
| He goes, nothing. | ||
| I go, come down to the show. | ||
| So he came down. | ||
| I go, you want to go on stage? | ||
| He goes, yeah. | ||
| So I just introduced him at the beginning. | ||
| We also got Doug Benson here, and they went fucking crazy. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| So he goes out and does 10 minutes and just crushes. | ||
| Tripoli goes up and crushes. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| The crowd was so fucking cool. | ||
| I mean, you're always going to get a certain amount of douchebags. | ||
| I read a couple things on Twitter about people getting kicked out for yelling things. | ||
| Maybe somebody got kicked out during Sam's Act. | ||
| But that's just the virtue of the fact there's 2,600 people. | ||
| You're going to get a certain percentage of shitheads. | ||
| UFC weekend in Canadian GSB. But other than that, man, the fucking crowd was amazing. | ||
| I mean, it was incredible. | ||
| When I was performing with you, where did we perform at? | ||
| Montreal. | ||
| There was a guy, and he was an heckler, and he really... | ||
| I mean, he's an idiot for yelling during your show, but I really know he didn't mean any harm by it. | ||
| But there was a guy in the back who kept yelling... | ||
| Pyramids! | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Pyramids! | ||
| He was just, like, naming things, like... | ||
| He wanted me to do the joke about the pyramids. | ||
| Aliens! | ||
| Yeah, but it went on for the whole show, and he was so drunk, and it was so important to him that he talked about the pyramids. | ||
| He kept looking at his friend with this, like, really serious, dramatic look in his face, like, I'm gonna get him to do it, bro. | ||
| I know I can get him to do it. | ||
| That is the problem with talking about, like, really heady, trippy shit, is you get a certain percentage of people, like my friend who thought he was Carl Jung, who have to come up to you now to talk to you about things, and take what you do very, very seriously. | ||
| It's like, you know, the vast majority of the hardcore Bill Hicks fans are amongst that stuff. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| What he's saying is important. | ||
| What's going on is important. | ||
| How about this message you get from time to time? | ||
| I thought you should know that I was a fan of your podcast, but I could not believe some of the things you said in your last episode. | ||
| We get that with my podcast. | ||
| Of course, all the time. | ||
| You just lost a listener. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| This thing where you're trying to hurt me by saying you're taking your... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a child's attitude is what it is. | |
| Instead of, you know, having some sort of a discussion or a debate, I am more than willing to look at someone, you know, they say, you know, send me something that says, Hey, you know, I think you guys are like a little insensitive. | ||
| I love the podcast, but here's where I think you're wrong. | ||
| Or like on Twitter, someone said that about Top Gear. | ||
| I was making fun of all these people for criticizing Top Gear about their comments about Mexico until I heard the separate group of comments that everyone was upset about. | ||
| I had read some shit that wasn't very offensive at all and to me was a joke. | ||
| But then I read and watched the video of the real stuff, and I was like, oh, okay. | ||
| You know, I'm more than willing to be set hit. | ||
| But the guy who did it was very polite and very cool about it. | ||
| He didn't, you know, oh, I guess you're just a jackass and a fucking loser. | ||
| Unfollow. | ||
| You know, in caps. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a child. | |
| That's a little temper tantrum. | ||
| It's a very stressed out child. | ||
| Which is fine for me, man. | ||
| When you do something like that, you don't get a chance to follow me again. | ||
| I block you because I don't want to deal with children. | ||
| I don't want to deal with your nonsense. | ||
| You want to send me something to try to make my feelings hurt for no reason like that? | ||
| It's not going to work and I'm going to block you. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| But think how stressed out you have to be. | ||
| To be listening to a podcast and be like, this is the last straw. | ||
| And you compose a passion. | ||
| Most of them are not even that stressed out. | ||
| You are the target of the day to distract themselves from a fucked up horrifying shithole of a life they're living. | ||
| It's not you. | ||
| It's not what you did that's so terrible. | ||
| If someone agrees with you or disagrees with you, it's just a thought and an idea, an opposing thought and an idea to be considered and either accepted or rejected. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| But when you get all angry about it, unless what you've said is really fucked up. | ||
| Well, yeah, and sometimes, by the way, it's great because I say so many blatantly wrong things, like bad facts. | ||
| Like, really bad facts and mispronunciations. | ||
| Unless you sit right in front of a laptop, which you can do if you want. | ||
| Next time, I'm thinking I'm getting you a laptop. | ||
| Oh, that'd be cool, man. | ||
| While you're talking, you don't have to panic. | ||
| You can go, let me just look this up real quick, make sure I get this right. | ||
| It would save a lot of humiliation, man, because I get like, I'm saying shit wrong. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| It happens with Callan. | ||
| Callan all the time, like, fucks up and then has to come back. | ||
| Look, in that figuring it out and looking up those facts in message boards and discussions, we all grow. | ||
| We all find out. | ||
| Like I said, when I put up the thing about the Photoshop thing about Obama's birth certificate, I'm like, I don't know what's going on. | ||
| Somebody tell me what's going on. | ||
| And a lot of people are like, why would the government do this? | ||
| That's speculation. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Let's get to the heart of this. | ||
| What is going on here, Photoshop-wise? | ||
| It's so important to have this sort of a back-and-forth exchange with people online. | ||
| It's not just throwing something out at them. | ||
| The reason why this podcast really works, honestly, is that it's like people are tuning in to a cool conversation amongst friends, and sometimes they contribute. | ||
| Sometimes tweets contribute. | ||
| There's many discussions. | ||
| Many of the discussions that we've had on this podcast are based on things that someone will send me. | ||
| Someone will send me something on Twitter, and I'll go, dude, you've got to look at this. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| I'm going to read you the story. | ||
| And it's this interwoven network of ideas and people and shit. | ||
| That's what it's really all about. | ||
| Someone sent me something from doing this podcast, which is a type of music that I'd never listened to called Dubstep in a band called Excision. | ||
| Have you ever heard of them before? | ||
| No. | ||
| I keep hearing about dubstep. | ||
| It's so fucking trippy, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| I don't know if that makes me an idiot for liking it, but I really do like it. | ||
| It's so trippy. | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Because we'll end and then we'll play this as we're leaving. | ||
| Yeah, the one I've heard is called Swag. | ||
| Dude, you've got to come on this podcast once a month. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| Wow, I want to. | ||
| I love doing this. | ||
| We'll schedule you every third week. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Okay, done. | ||
| I'll put it on my calendar. | ||
| Duncan Trussell every third week. | ||
| The conversations we have are my most fun. | ||
| You're my number one favorite podcast guest, Duncan. | ||
| Ah, thanks, Joe. | ||
| Number one. | ||
| No one's even close. | ||
| There's a few people that are close. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| I love all of them in their own little way, but you're my favorite. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| And they can all go fuck themselves if they want to argue about it. | ||
| I love all you guys. | ||
| Duncan's number one, okay? | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Even more than Joey Diaz. | ||
| Joey Diaz will get mad at you sometimes. | ||
| Duncan never gets mad at you. | ||
| Listen, you fucking Momo. | ||
| You over there with your fucking Osama Bin Laden. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Meanwhile... | |
| Meanwhile, back at the ranch. | ||
| You got some dubstep? | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Swagga is the name. | ||
| You got that song? | ||
| All right. | ||
| Upcoming, we've got... | ||
| I have a show coming up in San Francisco. | ||
| I will be at Cobb's Comedy Club. | ||
| And it looks like I'm doing that with Tripoli and Tom Segura. | ||
| When are we going to do some more dates, bro? | ||
| I know you've been busy. | ||
| I haven't been going up, man. | ||
| I need at least two months of going up every night. | ||
| You've been working on your pilot, right? | ||
| Yeah, I haven't had time yet. | ||
| Can you tell anybody anything about that? | ||
| It's a science show for Comedy Central, and the pilot was about the research they've started doing with psilocybin. | ||
| And you've been super happy about everything. | ||
| We're going to keep everybody up to date about it. | ||
| We can't let too much information out. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| It looks really cool. | ||
| I got set on fire for it. | ||
| When will you know whether or not people can watch it? | ||
| I don't know, probably June or something like that. | ||
| They'll make a decision. | ||
| All right, well, we'll keep you posted, everybody who's interested. | ||
| And follow Duncan on Twitter. | ||
| It's Duncan Trussell, T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. And you can also get him. | ||
| Do you have artisticterrorism.com anymore, or you got rid of that? | ||
| That's gone. | ||
| I have Duncan Trussell.com. | ||
| We got hacked. | ||
| Yeah, go to Duncan Trussell.com and stare into the void. | ||
| It's just a black screen. | ||
| Yeah, catch them on Twitter. | ||
| We have shows coming up in San Francisco. | ||
| That is May 12th, 13th, and 14th. | ||
| Tickets are almost sold out for all the shows, so jump on that shit. | ||
| And we should have a good time there, my friends. | ||
| And then the next gig I got coming up. | ||
| Well, maybe probably Sal's Comedy Hall. | ||
| I don't know what's going on there. | ||
| Are they doing construction? | ||
| What's happening there? | ||
| It's two weeks? | ||
| You know, I looked in the kitchen and there was not one thing different in the kitchen. | ||
| It's still 100% the same. | ||
| And then June, I got June 10th coming up at the Vogue Theater. | ||
| And that's in, oh, excuse me, June 9th at the Vogue Theater. | ||
| And that's in Vancouver. | ||
| That's on Thursday night at the Vogue Theater. | ||
| And the Vogue is supposed to be the shits. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| And half the tickets were sold out last week. | ||
| So by now, it's probably like three quarters sold. | ||
| So if you want to get in, get in, bitches. | ||
| I can't bring Joey Diaz to Canada. | ||
| I know you're all asking, but it is illegal for Joey to exit and enter into your fine country because he's a fucking criminal. | ||
| And you fuckers in Canada are awesome, but you won't even allow a DUI. They have a very strict no-douchebag rule in Canada. | ||
| You can't have assaults and batteries and all kinds of stupid shit. | ||
| Not for tickling, player. | ||
| Alright, you know I love you, bitches. | ||
| And we will see you. | ||
| I got stuff to do all week, so we probably won't see you again until Friday or Saturday. | ||
| That'll be the next one. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you | |
| Now make up a key. | ||
| How high were you when you thought this was good? | ||
| It gets better. | ||
| I don't even know if this is the right one. | ||
| Okay, let's keep it going. | ||
| Let's keep it going. | ||
| I hope this is the one. | ||
| Give it a chance. | ||
| There's still 1,600 people listening. | ||
| Dropping rapidly as they realize how great this music is. | ||
| We're down to 1,644. | ||
| 41. 1,636. | ||
| People are getting violent right now. | ||
| Smashing their keyboard with bloody knuckles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| I love it so much. | ||
| I like that sound. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| That's the sound I like. | ||
| People making plans right now to kill hippies. | ||
| The lead-up to it. | ||
| The lead-up set for this bass, weird bass thing. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like that sound. | ||
| But yes, that's why I want to hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| This sounds like what would happen if you let a 10-year-old fuck around with a computer, get into GarageBand. | ||
| If Joey's farts, we're digitized. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is not deserving. | |
| If you ever come out saying you like any form of house music, you are opening yourself up for crucifixion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen to this. | |
| This is terrible, Duncan. | ||
| This makes me sad for you as a person. | ||
| This is like coming over your house and finding a Juice Newton poster on your wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I shouldn't have said it! | |
| The moment it was coming out of my mouth. | ||
| You've got a fucking Dukes of Hazzard DVD sitting on your coffee table. | ||
| This is embarrassing. | ||
| You have terrible taste. | ||
| Okay, goodnight everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you so much. | |
| This is the good part? | ||
| What's the good part? | ||
| When's the good part coming? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's the good part. | |
| This song sucks. | ||
| This sucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't know I was starting a roast for myself by suggesting music. | |
| What's all this piano shit? | ||
| This isn't it. | ||
| This is the part of the song. | ||
| That's the part I like. | ||
| Down to 1572. We can't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're making gay people out there right now. | |
| At least one guy right now is gonna... | ||
| This is gonna be the thing that tosses him over the line. | ||
| This crosses his line and sends him hurling into gaydom. | ||
| He was right there. | ||
| He was on the fence. | ||
| Fleshlight. | ||
| Thank you very much for tuning in to the podcast, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| And thank you to The Fleshlight. | ||
| And if you go to JoeRogan.net... | ||
| And click on the link for the fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN. You will save 15% off of the number one sex toy for men. | ||
| Duncan, I have one for you if you'd like. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| That'd be great. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Got you new ones. | ||
| New stuff. | ||
| What styles do we have? | ||
| The good style. | ||
| The butthole. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| I wouldn't steal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're wrong, dog. | |
| You have the canned butthole? | ||
| Yes, I have that. | ||
| Thank you, folks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Fucking show's over. | ||
| Bye. |
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