April 13, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:12:25
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello. | ||
| The Joe Rogan.net experience. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Whatever the fuck I call it. | ||
| You know what you're listening to. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience is sponsored by the Flashlight, the number one adult toy for men. | ||
| I use it myself. | ||
| I recommend it. | ||
| Erase time. | ||
| Don't let people know I use it. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| Listen, go to joerogan.net, enter in the code name Rogan. | ||
| And when you click the flashlight link, and you save 15% off. | ||
| Holla at your boy. | ||
| Now buckle up, bitches. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan experience. | |
| Yeah, my girl's back. | ||
| Got rid of that scary fake black eye. | ||
| We had a guy that was doing the Joe Rogan experience, that voice, but it was a white guy that sounded like a black eye. | ||
| You could tell it wasn't really a black guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, it was a white robot that's sounding black too. | ||
| Freddie Lockhart has joined us, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| My man, Freddie. | ||
| Freddie and I go back to when Freddie was fucking cover booth man at the goddamn comedy store. | ||
| 20 years old in dreadlock. | ||
| Back in the days, Freddie was trying to make it happen out here in LA, a fresh-faced young boy, and we became friends, and we've been friends ever since. | ||
| That was fun times, man. | ||
| That it was. | ||
| Now look at me now. | ||
| I'm an old man. | ||
| Freddy is one of those, you know, you know that he's got some black in him, but how much going on here? | ||
| Are you excited? | ||
| What did you strip Joe Rogan right now? | ||
| What are you yet? | ||
| Dad's black, mom's white. | ||
| Standard issue, pretty much. | ||
| Powerful combination genetic-wise, right? | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| One of the strongest combinations of all time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would say so. | |
| Yeah, you get the body of the black man, and then you get the mind of the white man all together in some strange combination. | ||
| That's why the University of Arizona won the 1996 national championship. | ||
| The whole state of the world. | ||
| That doesn't, by the way, mean that black people don't have brains. | ||
| It's a different brain. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| What I'm saying is clearly black people have the superior bodies. | ||
| You got to be crazy to argue with that. | ||
| Greatest athletes of all time. | ||
| You know, to a man, except for a few, few fucking Larry Birds in there, a few weird white guys that managed to figure shit out. | ||
| Other than that, I mean, let's get real. | ||
| They're the super athletes. | ||
| We're trekking down Jimmy the Greek territory right now. | ||
| He was absolutely right. | ||
| He was dead right. | ||
| He was dead right. | ||
| He was just a douchebag. | ||
| Yeah, he was just a douchebag. | ||
| And it was just like, you know what? | ||
| Everything he said, you couldn't disagree with. | ||
| Yeah, it's just. | ||
| Well, here's my problem with it. | ||
| It's not a bad thing. | ||
| You're talking about a positive attribute. | ||
| Why is it racist to say that black people are the superior athletes? | ||
| I mean, if you just looked at the numbers, the number of Michael Jordans and LeBron James's and those guys, those superior, super dominant athletes, very rarely black white guys. | ||
| Blacks make up, what, 15% of the population, American population, less than that, and they make up 90% of the NBA. | ||
| Yeah, with the 500 men in the NBA, come on. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| And the white guys are European. | ||
| Those Russians. | ||
| The Europeans, see, that's another thing. | ||
| Europeans, like from Russia, like Russians are a different fucking breed than white people here. | ||
| There's some hard motherfuckers and some serious athletes, too. | ||
| Like, you ever see Karelin, the wrestler, the seven foot tall, 300-plus pounds guy that would hurl grown men through the air? | ||
| Only lost once, okay? | ||
| And the reason why is he fought Rulan Gardner, wrestled Rulan Gardner, and it was a new rule in Greco-Roman where if you lost your grip and then had to reattach it, even if there was no dominance, that guy got a point. | ||
| Just because he made you break your grip. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| It's the stupidest rule ever. | ||
| And it was one that didn't exist through Karelin's entire reign. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to talk about a fucking super athlete. | |
| They used to call him the experiment because his parents were like 5'5 ⁇ and 5'7. | ||
| And he's fucking seven feet tall and enormous. | ||
| I mean, he doesn't even look like a real man. | ||
| He looks like some shit from 300. | ||
| He looks like some shit that the Persians would have with a dog collar on, you know, naked with a fucking giant iron cod piece, you know, running at you. | ||
| Pure Russian blood vodka training in the snow. | ||
| Giant savage, just eating reindeers and shit. | ||
| But that's the anomaly. | ||
| Every once in a while, there is a white guy. | ||
| There's more pure Europeans like that. | ||
| But pound per pound in America, yeah, the black race is superior in sports. | ||
| But here's the misconception is that you're saying that they're limited to that, and that's not the case at all. | ||
| Well, physically, you know, it's also you got to deal with, it's an economic issue. | ||
| People from, especially when you deal with people that are into like combat sports, like the combat one, especially like boxing, that's a serious economic one. | ||
| Very few rich people become professional boxers. | ||
| It's always like it used to be the Jews in New York. | ||
| That was like, you know, Slappy Maxie Rosenblum and all back in those days. | ||
| Like Jews were, a lot of boxers were Jews. | ||
| And then it became Italians and Puerto Ricans and Irish. | ||
| And it was really mostly immigrants that were poor. | ||
| And then eventually, you know, blacks and black athletes. | ||
| But if you look at like greatest athletes of all time, just only a few like Rocky Marcianos in the mix. | ||
| A few guys that were like super dominant that were white guys. | ||
| Wayne Gretzky. | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| But given a sport that was dominated by whites, you know, Wayne Gretzky. | ||
| Yeah, and like look at their attributes. | ||
| Gretzky was like very clever and an excellent skater. | ||
| But like Rocky Marciano was known for being just ridiculously durable and just always in incredible shape and would get a hold of you and eventually wear you down and blast you. | ||
| So it wasn't like a Muhammad Ali where you couldn't even fuck with him. | ||
| Like you were in front of him going, what am I doing even in the ring with Roy Jones Jr. | ||
| You remember when Viddy Pazianza fought Roy Jones? | ||
| It was a round where he didn't land a punch. | ||
| It was the only time ever in CompuBox history where they had scored an entire round 100% lopsided. | ||
| The other guy didn't land a single punch. | ||
| Roy Jones just lit him up. | ||
| He was dancing in front of him like a Cobra. | ||
| Yeah, he fought from down here. | ||
| He fought from back here and that jab would come up. | ||
| He would just slap you in the face and you're trying to move your big fat head. | ||
| You can't get out of the way of it. | ||
| Yeah, I use that guy in Fight Knight. | ||
| Super super attributed. | ||
| Over Ali, I use him in Fight Knight. | ||
| He's the man. | ||
| Dude, he had some ridiculous attributes, but he had one fuck-up. | ||
| He developed his technique based and dependent upon his physical attributes. | ||
| Instead of going with traditional technique like Bernard Hopkins, Evander Holyfield, guys who do everything textbook, like James Toney does everything textbook. | ||
| Instead of doing that, he went with this big, wide open, loose style that almost completely relied upon his physical attributes. | ||
| So when he started to slow down, he started getting fucked up. | ||
| You know, when he fought Tarver, he got fucked up, you know, and that was coming back from the weight loss because he fought heavyweight. | ||
| And when, you know, he got pumped up and then he came from whatever, legal or illegal. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck he was doing, but he got big. | ||
| He got like over 200 pounds and really muscular. | ||
| And then he drops back down to 170 and you're looking at him and you're like, 175. | ||
| And you're like, okay, something's hormonally wrong here. | ||
| His body looks soft. | ||
| I'm looking at this. | ||
| I'm like, this is a guy who didn't do this correctly. | ||
| I bet he jacked his system. | ||
| When you get on juice, you jack your fucking system. | ||
| And then if you get off of it, if you're not doing it correctly, you get off of it. | ||
| Your body doesn't bounce back. | ||
| You're not producing testosterone. | ||
| Your body's shut down because you've made it have all this extra shit in your system and your balls are like, what are we doing? | ||
| Let's stop working. | ||
| So you have to bring your balls back to life if you do something like that. | ||
| It's like really radical chemistry. | ||
| And he clearly wasn't doing that right. | ||
| He came back and he looked like really soft and he got tagged and blasted. | ||
| It was one of those things. | ||
| When you get blasted once, man, it's so much easier to get blasted again because then Glenn Johnson blasted him and then it looked really bad. | ||
| Because it broke your cool. | ||
| And that's the thing, too. | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| He goes out unconscious. | ||
| When the Glenn Johnson fight, it didn't even look like that big of a punch. | ||
| And he went completely unconscious. | ||
| One leg up in the air. | ||
| I mean, he was gone, which means he's got brain damage. | ||
| I mean, that's really what it is. | ||
| And it was all because of his two things, because his body coming back from being big against Diaz. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| No, Ruiz. | ||
| Big against Ruiz, rather. | ||
| John Ruiz. | ||
| And then it was also those two knockouts, man. | ||
| If you have knockouts, man, people, they want to poo-poo it like it's no big fucking deal. | ||
| You got to bounce back from that thing really slowly and really correctly. | ||
| You got to know where your fucking brain's at because you might have loose screws in there, man. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you could be done with it. | ||
| You could seriously have serious brain damage. | ||
| These guys that they get knocked out once and then every time they get hit afterwards, they just go. | ||
| Whereas before you used to have iron chins. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's the thing. | ||
| Growing up watching Mike Tyson all the time and watching that method of coming out real close to the body how he would. | ||
| Like a bear. | ||
| It was like the swiftness of when you see a bear hit somebody and their shoulders pop and all that. | ||
| But as he got older, it was kind of like a genre-specific kind of technique of boxing that is a little less traditional. | ||
| It seemed that, you know, like you said, once somebody gets knocked out, once Buster Douglas, who shouldn't have got the best of him but did, once that's opened up, that mess with your psyche and to top it off if you're retarded like him already. | ||
| Do you know how tough he was, man? | ||
| The bad motherfucker. | ||
| The fucking bombs he took from Holyfield in that first fight before he went out. | ||
| God damn, he got hit with everything, dude. | ||
| Holyfield was teeing off on him, and he was just taking him and his legs would buckle. | ||
| And when he finally went down, then he's like searching for his mouthpiece. | ||
| You're like, holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| That's a dude who could take a beating. | ||
| They say all of me took beatings, but this dude took beatings. | ||
| The Buster Douglas one, dude, that combination that he blasted Tyson with, and Tyson still trying to put his mouthpiece back in. | ||
| That motherfucker was game to the end. | ||
| He blasted out, and he's just scratching around, looking for his mouthpiece to get back in his mouth because he's going to fuck you up. | ||
| He's going to get up and he's going to fuck you up. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They said that he got knocked out, I think, one time in a sparring match when he was a kid, like 15, 16, something like that. | ||
| And he's one of those boxers that goes somewhere and cries, you know, and then comes back and murders you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And he did that. | ||
| Apparently he did that to who was it? | ||
| One of his old guys, Atlas, was somebody like he was training with some, and the dude got the best of him in a spar and Tyson went somewhere, cried, shivered, held his knees, and then came out and just dropped bombs and never looked back. | ||
| So terrifying. | ||
| A guy who needs it that much, a guy who needs it so much is everything about him, his entire self-worth, entire self-esteem is just all based on him fucking smashing you, just running at you and destroying you as a human, body to body, just imposing his fucking physical will on you. | ||
| He still has that thing about him. | ||
| I see him on Sunset every once in a while. | ||
| And just like, even if he catches eyes with you, you're just, you know, it's like, hey, Mike. | ||
| It's like that guy is just. | ||
| He's a train killer. | ||
| He's got the show now. | ||
| He's got a pigeon, homing pigeons. | ||
| That's what he does, right? | ||
| Like they do in Brooklyn and Puerto Rica. | ||
| They home pigeons, I guess. | ||
| The whole idea is you compete against Mike to home your pigeons. | ||
| For pigeons? | ||
| I would let him win. | ||
| I would always let him win. | ||
| He snaps your pigeons next. | ||
| Yeah, fuck you, dude. | ||
| I'll let you win, man. | ||
| I'd let him win everything. | ||
| But I've said it. | ||
| I've tweeted it. | ||
| I'll take him in Mike Tyson's punch out. | ||
| I'll knock him out first round. | ||
| You mean just punch out now? | ||
| Just punch out. | ||
| Yeah, just punch out now. | ||
| I think he has a new game. | ||
| I thought he spammed me, but apparently it wasn't spam. | ||
| I got a tweet from his account, and I was like, oh my God, Mike Tyson just fucking spammed me. | ||
| And I wrote that on Twitter. | ||
| And then he said it's not spam, Joe. | ||
| And I was like, oh. | ||
| Oh, the real Mike? | ||
| I think. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, he might be some people that work for him. | ||
| Have we said anything bad? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I mean, I would never say anything bad. | ||
| I'm a huge fan, sorry. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Please don't. | ||
| Iron Mike, Messiah. | ||
| Don't eat my ears. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We love you, Mikey. | ||
| You want to go back to like ferocious boxers, though. | ||
| There was the time when he was the champion. | ||
| There was no time like that where you were just waiting for this execution. | ||
| It wasn't a fight. | ||
| It was an execution. | ||
| You know, when Sugary Leonard was the baddest motherfucker around and like, oh shit, Sugary Leonard, they're going to have a rematch with Thomas Hearns. | ||
| You know, like, it's like it was exciting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you didn't know who was going to win. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You knew Mike Tyson was going to victimize somebody on HBO. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, shit. | |
| And you were going to watch it. | ||
| You were going to pay $45 for it. | ||
| When you saw Mike Tyson fight Tony Tubbs, what the fuck did you think was going to happen? | ||
| What the fuck did you think? | ||
| Well, you know what's funny is my granddad's some old school dude loved the Friday night fights and all that and wasn't with Mike Tyson at all. | ||
| Most granddads weren't. | ||
| He's like, he ain't shit. | ||
| You know, talking about all that shit. | ||
| Wait, wait, Larry Holmes gets a hold of him. | ||
| He got a hold of Larry Holmes. | ||
| Larry Holmes, I think he was quoted as saying, that man hits harder than anything I've ever felt in my life. | ||
| He was on a totally different level. | ||
| I would have loved to have seen him at his very best against everybody. | ||
| Not saying he would have beaten Ali, but man, would that have been exciting? | ||
| Yeah, you can never say who can do what. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| I'm privy to him because I was part of that generation. | ||
| There's better technical boxers. | ||
| Lennox Lewis at his best was a better technical boxer, and he was a hard guy to crack. | ||
| He would have been interesting because by the time Tyson fought him, Tyson was already older, and he had already really lost most of his motivation. | ||
| He just wasn't the same. | ||
| He was trying to get a payday, and he even admitted it after the fight. | ||
| But when he was younger, man, that wasn't the case. | ||
| When he was younger, it was a totally different animal. | ||
| It would have been interesting to see him at his very best, like in the Larry Holmes fight. | ||
| That was him at his very best. | ||
| He was a destroyer. | ||
| Michael Spinks. | ||
| I would have loved to see that guy against Ali. | ||
| Well, at 21, he was at his, I wouldn't say the apex of his talent. | ||
| It was just that at that, when Customato died around then, when he had won the battle. | ||
| He hadn't slipped yet. | ||
| He hadn't slipped yet. | ||
| And then when Customato died and you're pretty much in Don King's hands, I think that creates like, now you have one of the greatest athletes that ever lived, killing machines. | ||
| And if it's in the wrong hands and it's not fostered right, it's going to be used the wrong way. | ||
| Because I always feel like he's got a great heart. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like he's one of these guys who you can see his emotion. | ||
| You can see him. | ||
| And he was just always jerked around by the wrong people. | ||
| Well, that's definitely going to be the case in any situation where you've got some powerful fucking kid that can make you a lot of money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're going to do whatever they want to do with you and help you in some ways and support you and make sure that you make money. | ||
| But at the end of the day, they're just trying to push you around. | ||
| I mean, can you imagine how cunty Robin Gibbons must have been when they were married? | ||
| A Harvard graduate with Mike Tyson. | ||
| Do you remember that fucking interview they did where she was throwing him under the bus about how crazy he is and violent? | ||
| And this is on TV. | ||
| And he's just sitting there like, what? | ||
| Like him and Barbara Walters, right? | ||
| And he's just sitting there just taking the beating. | ||
| I can't believe this bitch is going to go out like this. | ||
| Yeah, I could snap her. | ||
|
unidentified
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I'm the man. | |
| I can't believe this. | ||
| I can't believe all the things I've done to save her life. | ||
| Head of the class. | ||
| That's the best she had done. | ||
| He had knocked niggas out left and right. | ||
| And she's going to go in and drag him under the bus. | ||
| I'm like, please. | ||
| She was beautiful. | ||
| She was enough. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| When you get some beautiful, manipulative person, usually a crazy person, a person that really wants to pretend to be something else and then get into your life and then control it like there's some sort of a fucking parasite that's, you know, put a wheel behind your neck. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, really, that's what she was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's a parasite. | |
| Once you become the little creature in Men in Black who lives in your brain and drives joysticks. | ||
| Women want to do that to powerful men. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| There's a thing that women want to do to a man that has some semblance of success, some power, something where it makes him seem extraordinary. | ||
| If she can dominate him with her pussy, that like robs him of his extraordinary ability. | ||
| It takes his chi all the way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a girl that wants to fuck Francis Ford Coppola. | ||
| Like to this day, there's bitches that try to fuck Francis Ford Coppola. | ||
| He might be eight years old or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| There's some crazy hot bitch out there who's, you know, goth and she's got a fucking tattoo of a bat above her pussy. | ||
| She wants to fuck him. | ||
| She wants to fuck him. | ||
| She's got a cheese siphoning vag and she's ready to take all his creativity. | ||
| She loved Apocalypse Now. | ||
| Was that his movie? | ||
| It was, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She loved Apocalypse Now and she wants to suck his dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She wants to the bat cave. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're out there. | ||
| There's bitches out there that will ruin your life. | ||
| Just like there's dudes that will ruin women's lives. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's not even a male-female issue. | ||
| It's a retard issue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a broken human issue. | ||
| People, it's, knowing, having children too, you see this so fucking clearly. | ||
| Like you have a direct input on how this human being develops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Very, very direct. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's real clear. | ||
| You teach them good things and then they repeat those good things and you see them hugging little girls and having fun. | ||
| And you see like there's all this good energy that's coming out of your kids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then you see these fucking people that are smoking and yelling at their kid and their kid's beating another kid with a stick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And like, okay. | ||
| Kids are little savages. | ||
| It's so clear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like they're, what they are is bundles of potential. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you gotta fucking raise, raising a human being and developing a human being is one of the most complex and demanding tasks a fucking human being can undertake in. | ||
| And one of the most important because it literally, the quality of the fucking society around it is based on how well the people inside of this group are at raising their children. | ||
| That's the number one concern. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you are terrible at raising your children, your children will become problems. | ||
| They're going to break into cars. | ||
| They're going to be pains in the asses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They're going to cause crime. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The less of those, the more people that do a good job raising their kids, the better. | ||
| The more people that are moral, the better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or if you're an idiot, at least yield to yourself and say, I'm an idiot. | ||
| I'm going to make my kid not an idiot. | ||
| How do you do that though? | ||
| Idiots don't know they're idiots, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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They never do. | |
| Almost every idiot thinks the world's fucking them over and they really should have got a better break. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, whenever you hear that from a person, look, the world fucks everybody over. | ||
| Stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Every, somewhere along the line in your life, you're going to think you should have got this and it didn't happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this should have went your way and it didn't. | ||
| Well, it's what you make of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it's just like all that poor me shit. | ||
| I'm like, you know what? | ||
| Take a look. | ||
| What if you lived in Japan? | ||
| What if you lived in, you know, anywhere else where it sucked? | ||
| It's like, get some perspective. | ||
| It's like. | ||
| Guys will come to you with some stupid shit like, yeah, man, I can't catch a break, man. | ||
| I was this girl, you know, and I thought she was the one and I was ready to get married and I got the ring and I came over a fucking apartment a day early and she's fucking this guy and I can't fucking believe it, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, I can't catch a break. | ||
| What do you mean can't catch a break? | ||
| Catch a break. | ||
| You just got the best break ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You almost married that crazy hooker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| You were coming over there with a ring and she's sucking some other guy's cock. | ||
| You got like clear evidence that she's a skank. | ||
| This is a time machine, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| You're able to go into the future, see how this would have turned out and you can nip it at the bud right here. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| You saved yourself attorney's fees in a long, lengthy process. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You caught an awesome break. | ||
| What do you mean you can't catch a break? | ||
| You just can't handle your breaks. | ||
| It's all a matter of perspective. | ||
| You just want everything to be perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's not going to be perfect, but you just caught a huge break. | ||
| That guy, realistically, he should shed a couple tears and then start laughing and go, God damn, I got off life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Free pass. | ||
| Think about what if you had kids with this crazy hooker? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| You walk home with kids and their Happy Meals and mom's sitting on some dude's face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Some guy's cock right in the living room hoping to get it done quick before her husband comes home, but they don't time it right and you walk in. | ||
| That's how crazy that bitch is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Your kids are watching her sucking off some giant black fucking telephone worker. | ||
| And then you have to consider this. | ||
| You have to consider why are you attracting these kind of chicks into your life to begin with? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you that big of a dope that you attracted some kind of chick like that? | ||
| Well, sometimes they trick you just by being hot. | ||
| That's a real problem with dudes. | ||
| I don't know if it's the same problem with girls. | ||
| See, that should be a warning sign, though, being hot. | ||
| It must be the same problem with girls because girls wind up with jerky guys and you know those jerky guys must just fuck the shit out of them. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's probably what's going on there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| A little bit of some sort of a problem in their personality, some sort of a weird disorder where they can't get someone out of their life. | ||
| There's the people that have that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do they call that? | ||
| Like they have some kind of codependency issue? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Codependent issues. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's people that have that. | ||
| But other than that, you got to think, that guy's probably fucking the shit out of that girl. | ||
| It's just like I don't get people who are in these miserable fucking relationships. | ||
| It's like I love my girl. | ||
| I love her because she's fun to kick it with and I like to hang out with her. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You're lucky. | ||
| If I didn't like her, I'd get rid of her. | ||
| I think here's two keys. | ||
| Number one, you like yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And your girl likes herself too. | ||
| So you're both happy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And as happy as you can be reasonably. | ||
| It's not magical. | ||
| It's not like every day we wake up. | ||
| it's like oh honey i love you so much sometimes we wake up it's like don't even talk to us right but it's like if you can get if if two people can live their lives and not break each other's balls not not not Create drama, that kind of thing. | ||
| I know that sounds very, you know, nirvana and ideal, right? | ||
| It's possible, though. | ||
| But it is possible because I'm not asking for too much either. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You have to be reasonable and you have to be even in what you expect out of that person and how you deal with them, too. | ||
| And I know who I can be. | ||
| I can be a real dick. | ||
| It's like, you know, we're guys. | ||
| A girl says something stupid, you're going to be a dick bat. | ||
| Especially like if you're really struggling, if you're really trying to put it down, it's hard, man. | ||
| You get that grinding mentality where you're always trying to go, go, go, get ahead, get ahead, get ahead. | ||
| And then when someone trips that up with, I need too much attention. | ||
| I need this. | ||
| I need that. | ||
| It's very difficult to be considerate. | ||
| It's easy to go, will you shut the fuck up and leave me alone? | ||
| Yeah, I got shit going on here. | ||
| And then you start to realize, though, after a few years, that that never serves you well. | ||
| Because now you've got a six-hour fight instead of a two-hour fight. | ||
| And you were partially to blame. | ||
| I always try to try to step back. | ||
| I always try to fix it, though. | ||
| I always stay in relationships longer because I'm like, you know what? | ||
| I should try to work together with something like a problem. | ||
| Because I mean, like, if it was anything, like, if I was sick down the line, what, is she just going to drop me because I'm sick? | ||
| You know, you should. | ||
| So I always have that mentality. | ||
| So I've been in relationships where, like, I lasted an extra year and a half. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it was just trying to fix the relationship. | ||
| Sometimes it works. | ||
| I mean, people have gotten rough patches in the relationships and they pull themselves out of it. | ||
| But it's like, what are you accepting though? | ||
| You can't help broken this person. | ||
| And that's the thing. | ||
| I'm not in it to fix that other person. | ||
| It's like I accept that and then I'll work on the things like myself. | ||
| Like I'll act like my dad sometimes, just clam up and be like a 1950s dickhead dad, you know, just reading the papers, smoking and drinking and don't even fucking talk to me. | ||
| You know, I'll be like that and then I'll have to snap myself out of it because I'll be like, all right, you know, look at it from her side. | ||
| Who wants to be with this asshole? | ||
| You know, so it's like knowing a little bit about yourself too and working on that. | ||
| And plus, we're talking about girls that just learned to drive like three years ago. | ||
| They're still got a brain that's like trying to learn how life operates. | ||
| Yeah, and they'll take it to the map. | ||
| They'll fight you forever. | ||
| What do you mean you're talking about girls that you're dating? | ||
| We're describing women. | ||
| His girlfriend's not 20 years old. | ||
| She just turned 27 last Monday. | ||
| The fuck, Brian. | ||
| That's a woman. | ||
| That's a real woman. | ||
| But I got her when she was 22. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| You got her. | ||
| I got her when she was. | ||
| Man, I found her on MySpace. | ||
| I was trolling for horrors, and that one found its way in the net. | ||
| What's the age difference? | ||
| Four years. | ||
| Listen to this fucked up story because Brian was telling me this before the podcast. | ||
| So I said, listen, stop. | ||
| You got to tell me this during the podcast if you're willing to talk about this. | ||
| So he's complaining about his girlfriend, girlfriend getting harassed. | ||
| So listen to this. | ||
| I wasn't complaining. | ||
| I was just saying, how funny is this she's filming a movie and Ron Jeremy. | ||
| She's okay. | ||
| Your girlfriend is a porn star. | ||
| Yeah, but she wasn't, this isn't a porn that she's filming. | ||
| She's filming a horror movie. | ||
| But everybody should know. | ||
| Yeah, she's a porn star. | ||
| But she's girl girl. | ||
| Only girl girl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's legit. | ||
| So anyways, Ron Jeremy is there. | ||
| And this has happened with my ex-girlfriend where Ron Jeremy. | ||
| Who also was a porn star. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Ron Jeremy came up and was like, hey, give me a kiss on the mouth. | ||
| And she's like, shocking. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| But it's funny. | ||
| The second he walks in, he's just like, oh, I didn't know there was going to be any beautiful women there to hear that. | ||
| She's telling you all this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you think she's trying to make you jealous? | ||
| No, because I am the one that asked about it. | ||
| I'm like, did Ron Jeremy do any creepy shit? | ||
| And she goes, well, no, well, yeah, I guess he did. | ||
| I kept on trying to get it out of her. | ||
| She didn't just come up and go, hey, Ron Jeremy did this. | ||
| You say creepy shit, but that's like standard porn star behavior. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I'm doing. | |
| What's creepy for him, though, you know? | ||
| That's not creepy. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| What's creepy is like, because I've seen it in my own eyes, what he does. | ||
| Like with my ex-girlfriend, they were cutting a ribbon at an event. | ||
| Like, it was him and her both cutting in a ribbon. | ||
| She's never met him before. | ||
| He's like putting his arm around her and like rubbing her back. | ||
| And she's like, whoa, you know, what the fuck? | ||
| You know, and doing, you know, just very touchy-feely. | ||
| And then saying, like, whispering in her ears, like, you know, everyone wants to see us make out, so let's do this. | ||
| And she's like, no, I'm not going to make out with you. | ||
| Well, dude, why are you hating on his game? | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| Listen, that's what you do when you run Jeremy. | ||
| You're in your head. | ||
| I know, but you're in your head. | ||
| To think I'm hating. | ||
| I'm just asking what did he do any creepy shit. | ||
| Okay, so you were just like, you weren't upset that he did it. | ||
| No, no, not upset at all. | ||
| You're almost confirmed. | ||
| Your girlfriend hates you. | ||
| By the way, we should just say, you know, we've labeled her a porn star. | ||
| She's a very nice person. | ||
| You know, whatever the fuck she does for a living. | ||
| Brian's girl is very nice. | ||
| But, you know, man, that's fucking... | ||
| Oh, no, no, I'm not sure. | ||
| Again, I just wanted to hear what you're saying. | ||
| I would expect him to bring a boner everywhere he went. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And whip it out, too. | ||
| Like, hey, you guys like boners? | ||
| And he prides himself on not using Viagra. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Because I don't use it. | ||
| I don't believe in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a fucking animal. | ||
| I couldn't imagine him not doing something. | ||
| Every venereal disease that's ever existed is fighting against each other to the death inside his mouth. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're all just duking it out. | ||
| He stays like, I bet if he takes tests, he has nothing. | ||
| He shows completely clean. | ||
| I know, it's just because they're all killing each other. | ||
| It looks like the Battle of Gettysburg, herpes versus AIDS, just going at it. | ||
| There's no antibodies necessary because the viruses just fight themselves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The T cells are on the sideline laughing. | ||
| Yeah, everyone's going, Jesus, this is just an internal warfare. | ||
| If someone wins, then he's got a real issue because then the host will get attacked. | ||
| I guess I feel somewhat comforted to know he would act like that. | ||
| It's almost like finding out Michael Jordan. | ||
| I met Michael Jordan one time and he talked basketball. | ||
| And he talked it openly, and I was very happy about that. | ||
| I got to talk basketball. | ||
| You know, you got to talk puss with a puss smith, essentially. | ||
| It's like in Ron Jeremy, and it's like, you know, sometimes you want somebody, he's an ambassador of what he does, I think it's fair to say. | ||
| So you want him to be an ambassador. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want Ron Jeremy to be fucking doing yoga and drinking wheatgrass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want him to be banging hoes at every bus stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what he's doing. | ||
| He's got Ron Jeremy. | ||
| I actually found it awesome that at the end of the shoot, he comes up there and goes, so if you want to come to the rainbow room later, I promise not to molest you or something like that. | ||
| You know how many times that got him his dick sucked? | ||
| Oh, a big suck. | ||
| About a million. | ||
| There was a year ago, there was a celebrity golf tournament that I think was Brett Michaels or one of those guys once a year. | ||
| And every hole, there was like a different porn star or stripper or something. | ||
| And my ex-girlfriend was working the eighth hole or whatever, this golf tournament. | ||
| And there was these two girls with him that were just total like porn stars, like heart, like amateur strippers, slash porn sorts, slash escorts or whatever the fuck. | ||
| Show you whatever they did. | ||
| Unfortunate tattoos. | ||
| Yeah, they saw Ron Jeremy, and the one girl just turned and goes, Oh my god, I got to suck his dick. | ||
| And just went right over to Ron and they just started pulling down their pants, sucking his dick right on the golf course. | ||
| On the golf course. | ||
| And my girlfriend at the time was just taking video, like, look at this. | ||
| He had sex with her on the golf course. | ||
| They just blowjob. | ||
| Last time you told me the story, you told me they had sex. | ||
| I don't even remember. | ||
| But I just thought of it right now. | ||
| Supplemented your story. | ||
| I didn't want to say sex if it didn't happen. | ||
| I knew that blowjob. | ||
| I'm pretty sure last time you told me he bent her over and he was banging her right there on the golf course. | ||
| Oh, then that's what happened. | ||
| But I remember Blowjob. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't. | |
| Either way, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's Ron Jeremy being Ron Jeremy. | ||
| I think it's sweet. | ||
| I think that's exactly what he has to be, but it's just hilarious to me that. | ||
| Does it seem weird to you? | ||
| Like, what is it like dating some chick that you know that all these other dudes could see her pussy and she's going to tildos in there and stuff. | ||
| I don't care about that. | ||
| It doesn't bother me at all. | ||
| Has she been in a lot of things? | ||
| Is it exciting? | ||
| Is it exciting? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's something extra thrilling about it. | ||
| It's kind of cool because I love porn. | ||
| I love women. | ||
| I love women's bodies. | ||
| If she has a nice body, it's not like I'm like, no, you guys can't see this. | ||
| To me, it's like, dude, check this shit out. | ||
| People really celebrate porn and know certain. | ||
| Like, I've always, I love sex big time. | ||
| I guess I just have a pretty good imagination. | ||
| I can get one out over something from eighth grade that I remember. | ||
| You know, and porn's always been like fishing to me. | ||
| I love fishing, but I'm not that into watching it. | ||
| I'd rather be doing it kind of thing. | ||
| But it seems now that porn has taken on a real, like, there actually are more than one star. | ||
| It seems like people really make names for themselves. | ||
| Is she in that kind of known circle? | ||
| Yeah, she's an award winner. | ||
| It's becoming more. | ||
| She's an award winner. | ||
| She's becoming more porn winner. | ||
| She's an award winner. | ||
| Her eyebrows raised. | ||
| She's an award winner. | ||
| She won the Grab Your Ankles Award. | ||
| You know what the biggest difference is, Joe, is that if I didn't meet her as a normal person and then she got into porn, that would have been hardcore. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you'd have to see that. | ||
| Like, I couldn't deal with that. | ||
| Like, if my girlfriend just one day is like, hey, I want to start doing porn. | ||
| I'll be like, oh, right. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| So you accept her as she is when you met her. | ||
| Somebody who's already opened up Pandora's box. | ||
| You may want to help her out. | ||
| Look, dude, this is a crazy world. | ||
| It doesn't have to make sense. | ||
| Just whatever you like. | ||
| If you like it, that's good. | ||
| If you guys are friendly together, that's great. | ||
| There's no worries. | ||
| All that bullshit about, you know, worrying what other people think and other people's judgments, it ain't going to last, people. | ||
| This shit is temporary. | ||
| Temporary as fuck. | ||
| Your body is slowly going to give out on you, and you're going to be left with a wreck of a life trying to fucking look back at it going, why didn't I enjoy this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Why didn't I just have some fun? | ||
| None of it matters. | ||
| It's all a joke. | ||
| If it's all a joke. | ||
| It's all fun. | ||
| If you choose to go in that direction. | ||
| If I had a bamboo, like a sweet body, like if I worked on my body hardcore. | ||
| If I was rocking Joe Rogan's body right here, because it's sweet. | ||
| If I was rocking, I would totally be, I would not give a shit. | ||
| I'd be showing my dick non-stop. | ||
| I would be porn. | ||
| I would be doing whatever. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| But it's like, I don't want to be the fucking minion. | ||
| I don't want to be like the minion. | ||
| Chicken mind in nomatuti. | ||
| So the folks who don't know what you're talking about, there's a website where a guy we've talked about on the podcast before is really ugly and he fucks all these hot chicks. | ||
| He's ugly and fat and he calls himself the minion. | ||
| What's his game? | ||
| It's just the porn game. | ||
| The numbers game? | ||
| Oh, is he a porn guy? | ||
| Yeah, I guess you just pay them. | ||
| They'll fuck you. | ||
| You know, I mean, you ever seen those amateur ones? | ||
| There was a girl from Arizona State that got busted. | ||
| She got kicked out of school because they, I don't know, I guess they have some sort of a fucking morals clause. | ||
| You're not allowed to do porn. | ||
| At ASU? | ||
| Yeah, whatever it was. | ||
| I mean, maybe, maybe I'm reading it wrong. | ||
| Maybe she got fired from her job there. | ||
| I don't think so, though. | ||
| I'm pretty sure she was a student there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And anyways. | ||
| Or maybe she lost her. | ||
| What the fuck the story is. | ||
| Anyway, this poor girl, you know, she's just dumb. | ||
| She got tricked. | ||
| Next thing you know, she's doing porn. | ||
| And they put it up on the internet. | ||
| And all her fucking friends in school are like, oh my God, Debbie's sucking this guy's dick. | ||
| And, you know, it doesn't matter what the guy looks like. | ||
| They just have this setup. | ||
| This is a lot of them. | ||
| The girl comes in. | ||
| There's cameras. | ||
| This is like most, a lot of people's favorite type of porns. | ||
| What is this, like voyeurism or something? | ||
| Well, it's like an interview porn. | ||
| This is what it is. | ||
| There's a guy in the room, and you see it from his perspective. | ||
| You don't see him ever. | ||
| So he's got like the camera on. | ||
| The girl walks in the room and then he starts asking her questions. | ||
| Where are you from? | ||
| How old are you? | ||
| Have you ever done this before? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, you know what you're here for? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, you know, ask him a bunch of questions. | ||
| Where'd you grow up? | ||
| Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| You know, are you married? | ||
| Do you have any kids? | ||
| The whole deal. | ||
| Then you here to suck some cock? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then the guy pulls his dick out and the girl starts sucking things. | ||
| And you can see there's like this weird fucking energy in the air because they both know that they're doing this and it's going to get online. | ||
| They're going to do this online. | ||
| I mean, they're not really porn stars. | ||
| I mean, he's not really a porn star and she's just some chick who's getting talked into doing this. | ||
| I mean, you know, they haven't gone to Vivid and worked on this. | ||
| Are you talking about casting couches? | ||
| Oh, basically, those are all fake. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, some of them are fake. | ||
| Some because they can't film it unless they have already done a drug test or if they've already signed all their papers. | ||
| In every part of the country? | ||
| At least the United States. | ||
| I mean, that's probably the rules. | ||
| I bet that's the rules, but I'm sure there's people out there gorilla in there. | ||
| They're pretty hardcore about it. | ||
| They are pretty hardcore about it. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| What do you mean, though? | ||
| I mean, if a girl sucks a guy's dick on video, they have to get a... | ||
| She has to get a drug test. | ||
| No, drug test, AIC taste test. | ||
| In the whole country? | ||
| In the whole country. | ||
| Are you positive about this? | ||
| I'm pretty positive. | ||
| I'm not 100%. | ||
| We should research this. | ||
| I know at least. | ||
| Okay, let's not talk about that until we figure this out because this is a silly conversation then. | ||
| Because that's the main crux of the issue. | ||
| I mean, I know a lot of them are fake, but a lot of them, like this girl from ASU, this bus, perfect example. | ||
| That's fake. | ||
| A lot of those are porn stars, right? | ||
| Well, they're not just porn stars, but they're the whole, like, picking you up. | ||
| The whole thing's been set up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| All of that. | ||
| That one. | ||
| But not all of them, right? | ||
| These gorilla ones where you don't even see the guy's face. | ||
| Yeah, there's got to be some. | ||
| There's a lot of gorilla. | ||
| If it's on a website that's making money and it's a legit website, then yes, it's fake. | ||
| Where would we find this out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on, make a phone call. | |
| I'm going to make a phone call. | ||
| Porn rules. | ||
| What would you Google, Freddie Locker? | ||
| High rules, butthole, California. | ||
| STD test. | ||
| Rules for taking loads on face on camera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Film porn law. | |
| No, Brian, this is not true. | ||
| Porn stars could see mandatory STD testing. | ||
| Could see. | ||
| They do not have them right now. | ||
| What's the date on that? | ||
| It's not May 11th. | ||
| Excuse me, March 21st, 2011. | ||
| Are you sure about that? | ||
| I'm reading it right now, bro. | ||
| On the LA Weekly. | ||
| Porn stars in California will see stricter safety rules on how they do their thing on set, just like construction worker has to wear a hard hat, they might have to Don condoms and submit to tests. | ||
| They're saying they don't have mandatory tests yet. | ||
| From my understanding, it's already been mandatory. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why are they saying this in LA Weekly then, bro? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| These bitches are telling you they're getting tested, and you're just fucking living off those tests. | ||
| I'm like, let me see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, cool. | |
| I don't have AIDS again this week. | ||
| That LA Weekly is free. | ||
| They don't have any reason to lie to me. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think LA is lying. | ||
| Well, I know that what's been lately is the condom laws where they're trying to make it so I think they've already made it. | ||
| It's not mandatory, bro. | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| In porn world in LA, they already test their performers regularly. | ||
| That hasn't stopped diseases, including HIV positive scandal for one gay performer last year. | ||
| Yeah, apparently it's not, they do it. | ||
| They do it a lot. | ||
| But it doesn't seem to be like a law. | ||
| So the girl at ASU sounds real, though. | ||
| I think that some of my followers are. | ||
| I think it is real. | ||
| Some of the followers are from ASU. | ||
| I think there's an ASU McKenzie following me. | ||
| Find out that ASU McKenzie. | ||
| There's been a few guys that posted on our board that were porn guys. | ||
| One of them, man, did just really humiliation porn. | ||
| It was really kind of depressing. | ||
| He would tell us stories about how he rope these chicks in and how a lot of them are like single moms and they needed money for the rent and how he would hook it up and the next thing you know they would be doing like internet porn for him. | ||
| It's really fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, well, I mean, I would imagine everybody recruiting, especially for the internet porn, is going to be sleazy because you're going to go after who's weak. | ||
| It's just like a military recruiter is going to go after a 17-year-old. | ||
| I just confused his stories again. | ||
| The guy who was bringing in the women and paying for the rent and shit like that, that wasn't a porn guy. | ||
| He was a guy who used to write stories about it and he had a website about it. | ||
| I completely confused it. | ||
| The porn guys, that's a different story. | ||
| Damn, I hate when I do that. | ||
| The stories that you really never thought about for years and they're somewhere in the back of your head and then you combine them together and you're like, wait a minute, you guys stop moving. | ||
| Stay still. | ||
| What are you doing wearing his clothes? | ||
| Get over there. | ||
| You fuckers, you tricked me there for a second. | ||
| I get that all the time. | ||
| Or you just simply thought you made it up. | ||
| I thought I'd made... | ||
| And I was driving the other day and I was like, holy shit, we buried a fucking time capsule. | ||
| It was 89. | ||
| I was like, I wonder if they dug it up. | ||
| So I emailed the school that I went to back in 89. | ||
| I was like, hey, my name is Freddie Lockhart. | ||
| Yeah, I said, my name is Freddie Lockhart. | ||
| I went to school there in 89. | ||
| I'm curious, we buried a time capsule. | ||
| Did you guys find it? | ||
| She's like, funny enough, we did unearth it. | ||
| And it had some water damage. | ||
| But in my mind, I thought we stuck a Game Boy in there. | ||
| I think what I'm doing is just associating all things 1989 we shoved in there. | ||
| But in 1989, I don't think any kid on earth would spare their fucking Game Boy for a capsule, a time capsule. | ||
| So I think what it just was, was like pictures and prices of candy bars and shit. | ||
| But I was just so compelled by just that memory popping in my head. | ||
| I got with that lady and it sounds like she's probably been there this whole time too. | ||
| She's like, it's always nice to hear from former students. | ||
| And yes, we did dig it up. | ||
| I was like, bitch, was it a treasure in there or what? | ||
| And it turns out just papers and shit. | ||
| No Game Boy. | ||
| I thought for sure I had a Game Boy in there. | ||
| It was just papers that were there? | ||
| Like newspapers and things of the day. | ||
| But to me, it's like, I'm more impressed. | ||
| Like, I wanted to see, since the technological revolution has gone leaps and bounds since 1989 to now, that's what we should have put in there. | ||
| It's like, you know, some outdated shit so we could laugh at it now. | ||
| Have you ever thought about buying one of those off of Amazon or eBay or something like that just to see what it's like to play with it now? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Some old ass Game Boy. | ||
| Oh, I have all the old ass Game Boy. | ||
| You have all that stuff? | ||
| You have like Atari? | ||
| I have all the boxes. | ||
| Why do I have no storage? | ||
| Why do you think my office is so crap? | ||
| I have an old Nintendo. | ||
| I was telling him earlier, there's a show on Justin TV, this guy called The Angry Gamer. | ||
| You've seen it. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking funny. | ||
| And this guy's fucking hilarious. | ||
| He's this nerd. | ||
| I guess he's like in his early 30s, but he reviews old video games. | ||
| That's his whole job. | ||
| He's got this whole basement, Nintendo games, as far as the eyes can see, Sega Genesis game, you name it. | ||
| He'll review it, but as an adult, an intellectual adult who curses like a sailor, he'll review the game, and it'll take you back to when you were nine years old and you're playing Rygar or something. | ||
| You're like, how the fuck do I jump over here? | ||
| He uncovers glitches, and he shows you that I was right. | ||
| There was no way to do that the whole time. | ||
| But I got to watching this dude's shit like nine episodes. | ||
| He's just pissed about everything. | ||
| He's like, now I'll play it on the original Game Boy. | ||
| This game fucking sucks. | ||
| He never likes anything, but he voices your frustrations as a nine-year-old, as an adult. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so weird. | |
| What is it? | ||
| The Angry Gamers? | ||
| I think it's Angry Gamers, I remember. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| He's just reviewing old shit. | ||
| It's retro reviews, though, but that's cool shit, you know, especially to go back and really review something from an adult perspective. | ||
| I thought it was just a dumb kid. | ||
| I was like, I can't figure it out. | ||
| It doesn't work, you know. | ||
| But now I realize I was a dumb kid, but there was a glitch as well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking retro gaming. | ||
| It's pretty amazing. | ||
| I bought something the other day on my iPad. | ||
| I'm like, you know what? | ||
| Is it like an old classic game? | ||
| I was like, I think this is probably the sixth time I've bought this game. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like Pac-Man. | ||
| I've bought Pac-Man at least 20 times in my life. | ||
| And who knows how many quarters spent on an arcade version 2? | ||
| Can you imagine trying to explain video games to someone in the Middle Ages? | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Where do you start? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know what 8 bits are? | ||
| All right. | ||
| You know how you draw pictures? | ||
| Now imagine that moving. | ||
| Not even. | ||
| Controlling. | ||
| No. | ||
| You control it with a mouse. | ||
| Sounds like the double keyboard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine trying to explain how to work an iPhone to somebody 10 years ago. | ||
| Imagine explaining. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Touch screen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was an episode of the show, Journeyman. | ||
| Did you guys ever see that show? | ||
| Short-lived time traveling series on ABC, Journeyman. | ||
| I think it was like 2007. | ||
| And it was really fucking good. | ||
| Of course, I'm a time travel nerd, so I was probably the only one watching it. | ||
| But he goes back to like 1981, and he gets shot, and he has to go seek medical attention at the hospital. | ||
| They find his iPhone laying on his chest, and this doctor's like, what the fuck? | ||
| Like scrolling through it, and I love that shit. | ||
| Just to see, that's what I would time travel, is to go blow people's minds with shit. | ||
| Yeah, if you showed someone an iPhone just 20 years ago, they would really, really fucking freak out. | ||
| It's amazing how you could touch the screen and it knows like what your finger touches, like for letters and shit like that. | ||
| It's amazing how accurate that is. | ||
| But you know how long this shit's been out, though? | ||
| Go look like the first touchscreen phone was like Sprint or somebody put one out in 1992 and it was a, it's an all-touch screen like color phone. | ||
| It was, of course, it was like $2,000. | ||
| Like Google first, Mac Newton popped. | ||
| Sure, I remember that stupid pet. | ||
| That's my first iPad. | ||
| My very first development deal, I came over here, and this guy who was this big executive at Disney had one, and he was showing us all in the office. | ||
| And we were like, whoa, what the fuck is that? | ||
| He's like, this is a Newton. | ||
| I didn't know that was actually unreleased. | ||
| Yeah, it was for a couple years it ran. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This is like 93, 94, somewhere around then. | ||
| Yeah, they did them 92, 93, 94. | ||
| At the end, you could email from them too. | ||
| You could fax, email, do all that. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| That's when I was PC only. | ||
| That's so back in the day, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's funny when you think about it, but it's like all that stuff. | ||
| They knew they wanted to do that shit. | ||
| What I want to do is go blow Steve Jobs' mind and show him the shit he's going to invent, but show him when he's 20. | ||
| Yeah, he's. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Yeah, no kidding. | ||
| Look what you're going to come up with. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you'd probably ruin it all. | ||
| Yeah, you would. | ||
| You'd fuck up everything in time. | ||
| If he knew that he was going to be that successful, maybe he wouldn't work as hard. | ||
| So in that Journeyman, what happened is he leaves his iPhone back there, and nanotechnology has now sped up 30 years because he left it back in the past. | ||
| So he gets back to his present, and nanotechnology rules the world. | ||
| There's just nothing but like Journeyman. | ||
| It's called a Journeyman. | ||
| It was one season on ABC. | ||
| It's fucking fantastic. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's on Hulu. | ||
| You can catch all the episodes on Hulu. | ||
| And it just got canceled? | ||
| It got canceled. | ||
| You know how it is. | ||
| Big budget, time travel, small brains, don't pick up. | ||
| Journeyman. | ||
| I never even heard of it. | ||
| Yeah, it was short. | ||
| It was really good, huh? | ||
| It was really good. | ||
| It was done in the way that you wanted it to be done. | ||
| Time travel. | ||
| Like, they really hit the things I wanted to see. | ||
| Did they end it like they knew they were ending it, or did they just end it out of the blue? | ||
| It seems like they ended it out of the blue. | ||
| It was probably one of those things. | ||
| They went Christmas break. | ||
| It's up in the air. | ||
| It's over, kids. | ||
| I was at Target the other day fucking just looking at cameras because my little digital camera thing broke and so I'm trying to find like a little small camera and all the cameras were out of stock because of the Japan thing. | ||
| And then I read the other day that the new iPhone is now rumored to be in September instead of June, maybe because of the Japan thing. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| That's fair. | ||
| But I'm just amazed like how much that fucking shit has affected. | ||
| You know, that's nothing, dude. | ||
| Me buying a camera. | ||
| That's a tiny thing. | ||
| That's a tiny thing. | ||
| The real issue is this fucking, the radiation that's coming out of there now, man. | ||
| Do you think Japan's unlivable now? | ||
| Seven. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't think it was going to get that bad. | ||
| They said it's still not as bad as Chernobyl because it's more contained. | ||
| And Chernobyl had ash fires that burned for days and spread the shit and spread the radioactive material. | ||
| But it's problematic, man. | ||
| It's a big, big issue. | ||
| And they don't know how much worse it's going to get. | ||
| And they keep getting earthquakes there, too. | ||
| They had another one the other day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A strong seven. | ||
| And it never gets better, right? | ||
| Radiation, you can't just, it's always going to be there. | ||
| That's like dead land, right? | ||
| 100,000 years. | ||
| Yeah, it'll be fucked up for so long. | ||
| Fucking Asians are going to actually have tentacles coming out of them. | ||
| The idea that we have this, I mean, nuclear power is one of the all-time craziest ideas. | ||
| And everybody was like, nuclear power? | ||
| It's one of these things, these fucking tie-wearing Republican cuntbags, these assholes that are always like, hey, what's the alarm? | ||
| Where's you alarmists, these liberals who want to, listen, there's nothing wrong with nuclear power. | ||
| Nuclear power is clean, it's safe. | ||
| Like outside of Three Mile Island in Chernobyl, where's the problem? | ||
| We've had nuclear power for 30 years. | ||
| 30 years is a goddamn blink of an eye. | ||
| It's this. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| If human beings are going to exist in the future thousands and thousands of years from now, what are we going to keep piling up these fucking toxic rods until we have one part of the globe where you couldn't even fly over it in a plane or your fucking plane will melt and everyone will die of cancer? | ||
| What the fuck are you going to do? | ||
| How are you going to store all that shit? | ||
| I mean, they have this thing in Sweden, I think it is, where they have a tunnel that goes deep into the earth in this vault they created that'll last 100,000 years just to keep these fucking things in it. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| I mean the idea of splitting atoms to like homes though and harnessing it and their man think that we can control splitting atoms. | ||
| Or but what's the options? | ||
| You look at the grid. | ||
| Look at like fly over LA and look at the size of that fucking grid. | ||
| Look at all those goddamn lights. | ||
| Look at all those houses. | ||
| It's insane how big it is. | ||
| Don't you think it should be mandatory solar collector roofs or something like that? | ||
| It should be fucking for California, 100%, man. | ||
| The problem is it's really expensive. | ||
| People can barely afford to put gas in their tank right now. | ||
| I mean now gas is $420 for regular. | ||
| I saw that yesterday. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| $420 for regular. | ||
| I'm like, that's incredible. | ||
| I ever spent $90 filling my tank the other day. | ||
| Dude, that's wrong. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What do you drive? | ||
| Ford Edge. | ||
| these fucking cunts that we have running this country, man. | ||
| There's a story that Matt Taibbi wrote for Rolling Stone about the, I And it is mind-boggling. | ||
| And it's all about the wives of bankers getting these. | ||
| The Rolling Stone article is called The Real Housewives of Wall Street. | ||
| And it's about these wives of these fucking bankers getting these $250 million loans. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| This story will make your fucking blood boil. | ||
| They tapped into the money that was supposed to be for the bailout. | ||
| And the bailout provided a bunch of different loan options. | ||
| And it was basically to re-stimulate the economy. | ||
| These fucking multi-multi-multi-millionaire bankers saw this opening in the system and capitalized on it. | ||
| Dude, it's terrifying. | ||
| And the way these bonds and these things work is they buy up sketchy bonds. | ||
| And if the bonds fail, if everything fails, they don't have to pay the money back. | ||
| But if they profit, they make money off of it. | ||
| I mean, the whole thing, it's mind-boggling. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's so scary. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I mean, it's not admirable. | ||
| It's almost crazy how you see the second something comes, somebody finds a way to exploit it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Somebody finds some loophole in there. | ||
| And shame on Obama's entire administration and Bush's for not putting some literature in that document saying that you cannot, you know, no profit should be made off this from the bankers or the bankers' wives. | ||
| $250 million. | ||
| Well, that's one thing. | ||
| But how about there should be no fucking, the bailout is, the way they've structured it is completely insane. | ||
| It's like free money. | ||
| There's no accountability. | ||
| No accountability. | ||
| They can't account for the money. | ||
| We're not getting receipts either. | ||
| It's not like the United States citizens have paid the taxes towards this get to review where the money went. | ||
| So there's an account of it so you can watch it and track it. | ||
| No, you can't, man. | ||
| They don't know where the fuck it's going. | ||
| It's the whole thing is complete, utter chaos. | ||
| And it's completely out of line. | ||
| These people are getting giant bonuses, man. | ||
| Their banks failed and they got bonuses. | ||
| The rich get richer and richer. | ||
| And the money comes directly from the taxpayer. | ||
| There is no money. | ||
| The bank has failed. | ||
| They don't have any money. | ||
| So they get an infusion of money from the federal government and then they have to pay these guys money. | ||
| These guys millions and millions of dollars. | ||
| And it's amazing that Obama gets away with this. | ||
| That all of them get away with this. | ||
| You are supposed to be the fucking president, you asshole. | ||
| You're supposed to be protecting people from this shit. | ||
| This is not supposed to have ever happened. | ||
| And when this does happen, you're the one who's supposed to be us. | ||
| You're the one who's supposed to step in and say, what the fuck, man? | ||
| You're Obama. | ||
| You're 46 years old, man. | ||
| You're only a few years older than me. | ||
| You're a few years older than me. | ||
| You're my friend. | ||
| And you're in there with these fucking cunts and you're not saying shit. | ||
| You're letting these guys steal money. | ||
| You're letting them steal billions and crush the economy and continue to do business as usual. | ||
| And the banks get bigger and bigger because they fucking buy up these other failing banks and then they become even more untouchable. | ||
| In American cities, but Decay, like Detroit. | ||
| And they helped you get in power, so that's what's up? | ||
| Like, where does his name? | ||
| When you get out, are you going to tell us what's up? | ||
| What happens then? | ||
| Is he going to get, maybe he loses this year, Newt Gingrich wins, and he tells us exactly how the fucking world works. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, he lets us know. | ||
| Is that going to happen? | ||
| Please. | ||
| Well, I'm sure he got in, and just like any other aspiring man of, anybody running for president, I don't really think it's been since Kennedy or someone like that who's really in it for, you know, political reasons. | ||
| And even Kennedy was groomed for it. | ||
| You know, he was groomed for it. | ||
| He was of the pedigree. | ||
| But the thing is, like, now it's a corporate, it's a CEO job. | ||
| You're not, you're the top of the company now. | ||
| You're not, like you said, a man of the people, for the people, by the people. | ||
| And he might have gotten into that thing thinking he could be. | ||
| But once you sit down, they sit you in that room, look, boy, you're the puppet. | ||
| Do you think that's true, though? | ||
| Or do you think it's just all bullshit in the world? | ||
| I don't think he has any power, and I don't think it's any worse than it's ever been ever. | ||
| I think everybody gets up in arms. | ||
| It's like, look at Nixon, look at all those guys. | ||
| Everybody was, how could you not be president and start to develop some grandiose ideas? | ||
| Yeah, but dude, you got to, financially, it's never been this way. | ||
| It's never been with the deregulation that was passed during the Reagan administration and continued all through Clinton and Bush and all this. | ||
| That has allowed these financial institutions to get into a position that we're supposed to be protected from after the Great Depression. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| After the Great Depression, they put all sorts of laws in place so that banks couldn't get risky with your money and do crazy shit and then wind up losing everything. | ||
| Right, which they did to it. | ||
| They got rid of all that shit. | ||
| They got rid of all that shit and then unchecked growth and spending came because of that. | ||
| And these guys, these motherfuckers, took all kinds of crazy chances with people's money and then it all fell apart. | ||
| And then banks collapsed and people lost their life savings. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| It's happening too. | ||
| Like you look now, the cell phone companies are narrowing down to two. | ||
| There's virtually two banks anyway. | ||
| That's not that bad, though. | ||
| No one's getting ripped off. | ||
| This financial institution thing. | ||
| What happened with the market is a goddamn heist. | ||
| It's a giant heist. | ||
| People made millions of dollars in front of everyone's face after the banks failed. | ||
| And Obama didn't do a damn thing. | ||
| It's a heist. | ||
| He saw it. | ||
| He knows it. | ||
| It went on in the 80s, too, the Lincoln savings and loan scandal. | ||
| Not like this. | ||
| This is the biggest one by far ever that's ever been perpetrated by these people. | ||
| The whole thing is fraudulent. | ||
| The whole thing is a scam. | ||
| From the very beginning, they knew everything was illegitimate. | ||
| They knew what they were doing was wrong. | ||
| They were trying to offering clients stocks that they knew that they were betting against. | ||
| They were betting against these stocks, and yet they were offering up to their clients. | ||
| The whole thing is sickening, man. | ||
| It's sickening. | ||
| And Obama ain't doing shit. | ||
| He's not saying anything. | ||
| He's not doing anything. | ||
| He's not freaking out. | ||
| It's sickening. | ||
| I don't think he can't. | ||
| I don't think he will. | ||
| I mean, he doesn't want to lose his job. | ||
| And all those people, you know, they help you get elected. | ||
| I know, but I mean, to do what? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Are you holding the barbarians back at the gate? | ||
| I mean, there's so many spears and swords coming through that gate that you're just barely keeping us alive. | ||
| I don't think he's doing that. | ||
| I think you are. | ||
| Here's the idea of being president, to get your presidential library built, whether you serve four or eight years, and to sell your book and to get your deal, you know, and to say that you did that in politics. | ||
| Because I bet you George W. Bush is having a dandy old life now and a good old time. | ||
| Hey, Brian, people get real distracted when you start wandering off when we're having conversations. | ||
| I'm actually just trying to fix the lag that everyone's talking about right now. | ||
| Fix lag. | ||
| Ustream is just being itself. | ||
| It's just not that spectacular. | ||
| Yeah, I did catch the Charlie Sheen Ustream, but it wasn't. | ||
| The first one was ridiculously bad. | ||
| He had like all his cronies, and you realize, wow, this is why that guy's. | ||
| Simon Rex. | ||
| I hadn't heard that name since 1996. | ||
| Who is he? | ||
| One of the dudes who was hanging out with Charlie Sheen in that first Ustream side. | ||
| Is that the guy from Duran Durant? | ||
| He was a TV VJ, and there was some scandal happened. | ||
| I can't remember what. | ||
| Something put the kibosh on his fledgling career. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on, porn man. | ||
| I think it involved porn of something. | ||
| Porn man? | ||
| Porn? | ||
| Sure, you like the naked Nickelodeon. | ||
| Simon Rex. | ||
| I don't remember him. | ||
| So he was one of the ones that was. | ||
| So he was one of the hangers on, and then you could tell, like, the other dude looked like some out-of-work jazz musician. | ||
| It's like, you can tell, like, now the dude was geeking off of drugs. | ||
| And I don't think he was on them, but I think he was geeking off of them. | ||
| And his judgment was super suspect. | ||
| Not already suspect. | ||
| Well, I think he was also swimming in all the love that he was getting from all these people. | ||
| Winning was all over Twitter. | ||
| He had over a million followers almost instantly. | ||
| And I think he's like, I'm the fucking shit, people. | ||
| I told you. | ||
| These fucking trolls, they're going to wish they didn't get rid of me. | ||
| The public will demand that I come back. | ||
| But man, you're going out there on some fucking thin branches, son. | ||
| It's very hard for a guy like him to take that Howard Beale kind of zeal that he was taking because at the end of the day, Howard Beale had a lot to say, whereas Charlie Shane has a lot of bumper stickers, a lot of catchphrases. | ||
| And that's fine. | ||
| But as you're seeing as you go out there, this thing's petering on fumes now. | ||
| And you're starting to realize Alec Baldwin did an op-ed piece, I think like in the HuffPost or something, or a direct letter to him being like, Quit being a douchebag. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alec Baldwin. | |
| And he's like, here's the thing. | ||
| You're going against douchebags and you're acting like one. | ||
| You're going to lose. | ||
| Don't fight the network. | ||
| Just apologize. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| And I was like, well, you know, apparently Alec Baldwin said he acted like Charlie Sheen during the hunt for Red October. | ||
| It was supposed to be a whole bunch of movies for him. | ||
| And he didn't get him because he was getting all like that too, like bigger than the production. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| But, you know, at the end of the day, if this thing turned out to be a hoax, I would say Charlie Sheen's fucking brilliant. | ||
| But he's not brilliant enough to pull off this hoax. | ||
| This is for real, and this is sad, and it's a guy who... | ||
| I've been enjoying the shit out of it. | ||
| I can't watch those fucking videos where they show you how they kill pigs. | ||
| I can't watch those. | ||
| I've ignored the whole entire thing. | ||
| I have not watched that. | ||
| I've watched a couple seconds when we talked about it in that one podcast. | ||
| See, I'm very into it. | ||
| I'm not against it. | ||
| When something happens, like a lot of people, there's people, something like that will happen. | ||
| And then there's the whole sect of people who are like, you know, screw Charlie Sheen. | ||
| Don't watch him. | ||
| It's like, yeah, I'm going to watch him. | ||
| It's the player of the day. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| This man's falling down. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I think it's fun. | ||
| I think it's a lot of fun. | ||
| I don't think it's good. | ||
| It's definitely not. | ||
| I mean, I wouldn't go to, maybe I would go to the live show for like 10 minutes. | ||
| If they put it online, I would watch it. | ||
| I would watch the video of it. | ||
| It was just somebody else. | ||
| I'd see how strange it was. | ||
| If it was somebody else, maybe I just never got into Sheen. | ||
| I'm like, wow, I like hot shots. | ||
| That's about it. | ||
| I just Wall Street. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wall Street? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Gordon Gecko. | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| Cartoon. | ||
| 1987. | ||
| In 86. | ||
| Best Picture went 87. | ||
| Chemistry, Suite. | ||
| Nominated Best Picture Wall Street 87. | ||
| The guy had a legit little run there for a while. | ||
| Do you remember that movie? | ||
| Was it Invasion or something like that? | ||
| Alien Invasion? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| 1986-ish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| With that black kid and head. | ||
| Watch that on an airplane from New York. | ||
| Solid fucking sci-fi flick. | ||
| I was turned onto that by Dave Foley. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| We were doing news radio together, and he came back from the weekend with a big smile on his face. | ||
| He goes, I saw a really good sci-fi movie. | ||
| And he told me it was this movie. | ||
| I go, that movie's good. | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Was it Alien Invasion? | ||
| I don't even remember what you're talking about. | ||
| I think Invasion people. | ||
| I think it's 1996. | ||
| It was about Black Kid and him. | ||
| That narrows it down. | ||
| But I watched it on a plane. | ||
| And I think I watched it on a plane from West Virginia to Phoenix, Arizona. | ||
| I saw Tron the other day, finally, 3D. | ||
| Watched most of it. | ||
| You know, the CGI was completely horrible for that dude. | ||
| There's been way better movies with better CGI. | ||
| Oh, I think I saw your tweet when you were about to get into it, some wine, some weed, and Tron. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But I didn't see the after. | ||
| Simon Rex in 1993, at age 19, appeared solo in scenes for three masturbation porn films. | ||
| Arrival. | ||
| Oh, that's where I'm going to go. | ||
| And it came to surface after he started to get a name for himself. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| But the CGI, what's his name? | ||
| That's Dirt Nasty? | ||
| Simon Rex is Dirt Nasty? | ||
| Are they the same guy? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Why is there photo? | ||
| The photo on Wiki is so wonky. | ||
| Wiki's so crazy, man. | ||
| See? | ||
| That's that Dirt Nasty dude. | ||
| It is Dirt Nasty, dude. | ||
| That's his website. | ||
| Dirt Nasty Music. | ||
| Dirt Nasty is Simon Rex? | ||
| Could be. | ||
| That's what I'm saying here, man. | ||
| I'm sure somebody out there can be. | ||
| Dirt Nasty was like a rapper or something. | ||
| I thought he is a rapper. | ||
| I think he's the same guy. | ||
| Yeah, I think it is. | ||
| Because Simon Rex is kind of like a Uyghur type, you know? | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| So, yeah, the CGI, was it Jeff Goldblum that's in the movie where they have like a younger version of him? | ||
| Ah, Jeff Goldblum. | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| That was so awful, though. | ||
| Oh, wait, no, no. | ||
| No, no, Bridges. | ||
| Dirt Nasty is a moniker employed by Simon Rex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, Dirt Nasty is Simon Rex. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Don't know either of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't need to. | |
| I've saw he is. | ||
| Dirt Nasty has one song that's pretty fucking funny on YouTube. | ||
| He's got some good songs, man. | ||
| He was a VJ, right, on MTV? | ||
| That's my guess. | ||
| I don't know him from that. | ||
| I only know him from very recently from Dirt Nasty, from some of his songs that some people on my message board threw up some of the clips on YouTube. | ||
| They're fucking funny, man. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It's comedy? | ||
| Yeah, it's like comedy rap. | ||
| That makes sense because I think he did refer to him as Dirt Nasty in that first Charlie Sheen stream. | ||
| They're fucking pretty good, man. | ||
| It's funny stuff, man. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| Like, and the raps are pretty cool. | ||
| It's like funny. | ||
| It's just rapping about partying. | ||
| But this Charlie Sheen thing, we saw our boy Kurt Fox do the Charlie Sheen thing. | ||
| He did do the Charlie Sheen thing, didn't he? | ||
| He was the guy who, but we know the guy who went up in Detroit and bombed and everybody was booing. | ||
| We know that guy. | ||
| That's a tough go. | ||
| How many people do you think were there? | ||
| And I didn't feel bad for him. | ||
| That's part of life, bro. | ||
| You want to go out and do that? | ||
| That's what you get. | ||
| Things happen, I guess. | ||
| That's what you're asking for. | ||
| Say love E. You know, you're asking to be a part of the circus? | ||
| Okay, someone's got to be the monkey stupid. | ||
| I saw an article that says that Dennis Quaid wants to open for Charlie Shane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That's why I heard Dennis Quaid. | ||
| Charlie. | ||
| He wants Dennis Quaid and do what? | ||
| Just be crazy, I guess. | ||
| Just Quaid, the actor? | ||
| Randy Quaid. | ||
| Sorry, sorry, Dennis Quaid. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Sorry, Dennis. | ||
| Please. | ||
| 1980. | ||
| Pull up 1980, Dirt Nasty. | ||
| 1980. | ||
| Yeah, pull it up on YouTube. | ||
| I hate that Randy Quaid guy. | ||
| Yeah, he's legitimately fucked up. | ||
| But I like him in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. | ||
| His cousin Eddie. | ||
| That's brilliant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's good. | |
| You serious Clark? | ||
| 1980, Dirt Nasty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good, man. | ||
| You're going to like this. | ||
| Is this a rap video? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it's a rap video, and it's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ready? | |
| He's in a studio right now for the folks, and he's like, rapping this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Intertwine my mind upon thy nine caliber. | |
| Russian roulette stamina. | ||
| Tylenol in the fast track of the anomaly. | ||
| That's preposterous. | ||
| My words are metaphorbs towards the stop. | ||
| Shut the fuck up, man. | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| Nothing, man. | ||
| You know, I've been doing good. | ||
| Quit smoking weed. | ||
| You know, I've been doing some yoga. | ||
| Little Pilates, just getting more in tune with myself. | ||
| You know, getting in touch with mind, spirit, and body. | ||
| You sound like a little bitch. | ||
| Take a hit of this and kick that old dirt, nasty shit about getting your dick sucked. | ||
| That sounds like phase on love. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Party friends. | |
| I got a gold chain. | ||
| I'm on cocaine. | ||
| I'm like yo, man. | ||
| She looks like the girl that guy that was married to Jessica Simpson, Nick. | ||
| Oh, yeah, Nick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like this song, man. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| I like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vodka Strait. | |
| I think I think this is funny, man. | ||
| I live through the 80s and shit was crazy. | ||
| Everybody wanna know my name. | ||
| Bring the pain and pop the champagne. | ||
| Every girl wanna hold my chain when I fucking brings out all the muscles. | ||
| Gold chain. | ||
| I got a gold chain among cocaine. | ||
| I think I've heard that before. | ||
| I like it, man. | ||
| I think it's funny. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I thought it was good. | ||
| Very Sylval-esque BC Board. | ||
| It reminds me of John. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Le Jois. | ||
| I think John's better than that, though. | ||
| Yeah, John's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, John's got some great shit. | ||
| I mean, this is, I mean, I don't know how many other songs he's got, but yeah, this is his debut. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| I didn't even know he was doing that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess I need to start watching this Charlie Sheen show. | ||
| Well, this guy, I don't know what he does with him. | ||
| I don't know if he raps. | ||
| What does he do? | ||
| Does he do that? | ||
| I don't know if he goes on the road with him. | ||
| I just remember he was on the very road. | ||
| He would probably do his song. | ||
| This song's hilarious. | ||
| That would. | ||
| You know, and have the video playing in the background. | ||
| And that would keep the crowd from booing. | ||
| Yeah, maybe they could close with it. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It's just, I don't know. | ||
| He was in New York last, or this week, this weekend, right? | ||
| I already did. | ||
| Charlie Sheen. | ||
| Yeah, he was in New York. | ||
| This is the Charlie Sheen report. | ||
| We're following him like he's fucking Bigfoot. | ||
| It's working. | ||
| Seen in New York. | ||
| It's working. | ||
| His whole mission, you know? | ||
| Yeah, sort of. | ||
| I mean, he's doing something. | ||
| City to city, it seems to be getting different reviews, but this isn't new. | ||
| Now a lot of celebrities are doing this thing going on on tour, not being comedians. | ||
| Who else is doing that? | ||
| Or have little experience in comedy. | ||
| Steve-O, he's selling out. | ||
| He's having a lot of fun. | ||
| Yeah, he's doing a stand-up, though, right? | ||
| He's just created that. | ||
| But the thing is, I like him, and I'm friends with him, and that guy has actually taken the time to, he really likes comedy and wants to do it. | ||
| Whereas he's just been given a lot early on because he's already famous. | ||
| He's headlining clubs. | ||
| But I think he's finding a way to fill it. | ||
| Yeah, that's real hard to get thrown into it. | ||
| That's how Charlie Murphy did it. | ||
| Charlie Murphy was famous and then he was headlining. | ||
| Yeah, you hit it hard because you're realizing being famous doesn't supplement no experience. | ||
| Dude, being an open micer in front of a giant group of people that's paid to see you. | ||
| Yeah, it's too much too serious. | ||
| Yeah, fuck yeah, it is. | ||
| But, you know, it's Charlie's fault for just diving in there and, you know, and wanting to be a headliner. | ||
| I saw that clip of him walking off the stage, tearing up the check, walking up. | ||
| Fuck y'all, walking away. | ||
| I see things like that, and I'm like, you know, I see like some guys, you know, the thing like with Kirk and all that, but then I see guys like Bill Burr who take an audience and turn it around. | ||
| And that's a skill. | ||
| Yeah, and I can't say anybody should be that good, but the thing is, it's like a real skill would be to now get them back on your side. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| I mean, it's the hardest thing in the world. | ||
| And you're going to go to Detroit where it's already tough times there, and they took your money. | ||
| that's why they you got no show for them yeah you're just And he was like, this is an experiment. | ||
| I understand it's an experiment, but when you're fucking selling out giant auditoriums like that, you got to really fucking saying. | ||
| So where does he go with this, though? | ||
| I don't think he can keep doing it. | ||
| I think eventually people are going to wear thin of it and he's going to wear thin of it too. | ||
| Like he wanted to be loved and all of a sudden half the places where he's going, he's getting booed and people are shitting on him. | ||
| He's got the world's attention and nothing to say. | ||
| Yeah, and this is not, I mean, even if he does have something to say, like he did this one weird video where he talked into the camera and he all this shit that he wrote, it was like really produced and written and losing. | ||
| Moving on. | ||
| And he was talking like Hunter S. Thompson about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, exactly. | ||
| Sentence fragments. | ||
| Here. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And he was like, he was doing like, yeah, I mean, he even said he was like, he held up his fucking, the ticket for this thing. | ||
| He was talking about the ticket. | ||
| He was doing like a commercial for it. | ||
| Buy the ticket. | ||
| Take the ride. | ||
| He even used the Hunter S. Thompson line. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole idea behind it is very strange. | ||
| This guy who's this huge, huge multi-millionaire super celebrity, and we are fascinated with him losing his job. | ||
| And he's trying to campaign to get his job back. | ||
| And we're paying money to see him talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I heard it best described. | ||
| A lady said, I read an article. | ||
| It said, we're so fascinated with Charlie Sheen because how can a guy who has so much more than us have so much less than us? | ||
| That's a great lady. | ||
| That's the best summation of that guy. | ||
| He does. | ||
| It's like, you know, he's loaded, but he's got no marbles. | ||
| You know, I'll keep my marbles. | ||
| That dude's gone. | ||
| Not good, gone, marketable, gone. | ||
| Like I said, now you're trying to go the folk hero route. | ||
| You're trying to go the Conan O'Brien route. | ||
| But Conan O'Brien's beloved because he put that much work into being beloved. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when he, here's a perfect example. | ||
| When he did his show, he would go on the road. | ||
| He had a fucking show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had a fucking show. | |
| And he's an entertainer. | ||
| And the thing is, it's like now he's big enough he can go straight to the people and say, you know what, fuck the network. | ||
| The people love me. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But I've been doing this since 93 every single fucking night. | ||
| You know, Charlie Sheen just started this. | ||
| It's like, you know, good luck with that. | ||
| I think he fizzles out. | ||
| If what's his name wanted to, if Conan O'Brien wanted to, he could do arenas all over the country and he would do, like, he would be in Detroit one night and do his show with no television whatsoever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And hire comics and hire, you know, have people come on, have musicians play and do the Conan O'Brien show, like I say, a 90-minute show. | ||
| And he could do it all over the country and make fucking ridiculous amount of time. | ||
| And talk about a guy who had real grievances with the Netflix. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And never really aired them in a distasteful way. | ||
| Yeah, well, that whole thing is so hard to fucking really figure out. | ||
| I mean, because Jay Leno, they kept wanting to get rid of Jay Leno, and Jay Leno was number one. | ||
| Like, why did they? | ||
| Yeah, why would they want to get rid of it? | ||
| The whole thing was really ass-handed. | ||
| The way they did it was so dumb. | ||
| And really, Conan O'Brien was better in the later night. | ||
| I thought so, too. | ||
| But they should have done it. | ||
| I mean, everybody wants the tonight show, but I'll tell you what, the Conan O'Brien show was his fucking show, man. | ||
| It was his show. | ||
| It was his. | ||
| There was a whole culture behind it. | ||
| And the thing is, it's like the tonight show, you almost need to be a lot more generic like Jay Leno to appeal to the masses. | ||
| But there was a this is our thing when you watch Conan late night. | ||
| When I see someone wanting to leave their job and go into another job, you know, that's an early. | ||
| I mean, I get the fact that more people are going to be watching earlier. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| But what it says to me is that guy didn't get Enough respect. | ||
| He didn't get enough appreciation from the network. | ||
| They weren't behind him enough in his eyes. | ||
| He didn't feel equal. | ||
| He wanted that other job. | ||
| That other job's the big job. | ||
| I want the big job. | ||
| What about that big job? | ||
| You're fucking Conan O'Brien, man. | ||
| What difference does it make if your show's on at 10 or if it's on at 11? | ||
| You're Conan O'Brien. | ||
| Especially in Tebo days. | ||
| Yeah, he even watches TV live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| I mean, yeah, some people are going to miss it because they're going to go to bed early. | ||
| So fucking what? | ||
| Plenty of people are going to watch it, right? | ||
| Just be you. | ||
| Just be you at 11. | ||
| Well, apparently over at TBS, they're like, if he gets ratings like this, he'll stay on forever life. | ||
| And at TBS, you get 2 million ratings or 2 million viewers. | ||
| You're fucking hit. | ||
| But I went from being a big Conan fan to having, I've watched it once on TBS. | ||
| I haven't watched it. | ||
| I didn't watch it when he did the Tonight Show. | ||
| I haven't watched it since he left New York. | ||
| Not that I'm against them, it's just that routine is gone. | ||
| Is it better now? | ||
| Is it worse? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think the reason why I don't watch it is because the late night show is what I liked. | ||
| I liked that extra. | ||
| Masturbating Bear. | ||
| Masturbating Bear. | ||
| The writers were all funny on that show. | ||
| They'd come out and do Skitch it. | ||
| Doesn't he have the same writers? | ||
| I don't see those two guys. | ||
| He used to use these two guys all the time. | ||
| The Preparation H Raymond guy who would come out and hand up Preparation H. Still around. | ||
| He kind of looks like Ryan O'Neill, the comedian. | ||
| And then there was another one with that curly, like Simon and Garfunkel fro. | ||
| Yeah, I think they're both staring. | ||
| Those guys were almost funnier than Conan to me, but there was that whole New York vibe that it just is missing to me, but I don't know. | ||
| Do you think the vibe is different because it's in Los Angeles? | ||
| It might be, but the thing is, I can't speak intelligently about it because I don't watch it. | ||
| You know, I watched Conan from 93 to 2003, mostly because at first I was a teenager, and then I lived in Hollywood and I didn't have cable at the time. | ||
| It was something to fall asleep to. | ||
| There's definitely a different funny vibe on the East Coast than there is on the West Coast. | ||
| I find even my sets are different on the East Coast than they are on the West Coast. | ||
| I find I have to explain less on the East Coast and I can go off into more obscure references and not in a way like super obscure, but in the way that everybody's following along and I don't have to make sure somebody needs to catch up, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I think, I mean, there's intelligent people everywhere, but there's more of them on the East Coast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I mean, that's where all our finest institutions are. | ||
| It's no accident that all our best colleges are on the East Coast. | ||
| Our finest institutions. | ||
| Ah, yes. | ||
| Harvard. | ||
| You should have a cigar in your hand when you say that. | ||
| Yeah, I did sound like a real asshole. | ||
| I'm going to ask God as well. | ||
| All of our finest institutions. | ||
| I've been really addicted to Kimmel, too, lately. | ||
| I think when Conan left, I started watching Kimmel, and now I'm like, I don't know, once you go Kimmel, you can't really go. | ||
| Yeah, his are the fun shows. | ||
| He's got a fun zoo of a show, too. | ||
| I did that show in, like, I think it was the first, the second comedian on there, and I had heard like nightmare stories when they first started how hard it was. | ||
| Like, the stage was catty cornered to the audience. | ||
| It was new. | ||
| Nobody knew who he was. | ||
| They're like, you're going to go out there and you're going to die, kid. | ||
| Bob Kent Goldenbate was the director at the time. | ||
| And I was like, oh, man, oh, this is scary. | ||
| And I went out and it went really good. | ||
| And he's like, man, you had the best comic we've had on. | ||
| I'm like, how many have had on? | ||
| He's like, one. | ||
| I was like, ah, well. | ||
| Who is the other comic? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I don't even remember who the other comic was, but I don't think it was anybody. | ||
| You know, because I wasn't anybody. | ||
| So that's who they were picking out at the time. | ||
| Like, I think Dave Rath saw me at the improv on a Wednesday night doing the open mic. | ||
| I was 23. | ||
| He's like, hey, you want to do the Jimmy Kimmel show tonight? | ||
| I'm like, I guess, sure. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then he got me on. | ||
| So wherever Dave Rath is, I forever owe him my first TV break. | ||
| Yes, Dave Rath. | ||
| Dave Rath's a good man. | ||
| He's a very good guy. | ||
| Very good guy. | ||
| He's one of those guys that's been around forever. | ||
| The comedy business is such a weird fucking business, isn't it? | ||
| I mean, we're talking about sleazy agents and managers. | ||
| And, you know, we were talking about what it's like to have one that sucks. | ||
| And it's weird. | ||
| It's a weird thing to, it's like in this business, it's like you can have all this drive, but you have to, it's almost like being in a band. | ||
| You need somebody else to champion that drive as well. | ||
| Like I love music, but I never wanted to be in a band because I don't want to have to rely on the lazy bass player or the coke-head drummer. | ||
| You know, it's like, I want this thing to happen. | ||
| And, you know, when you got a team working for you like that and they're not on board, you're like, son of a bitch. | ||
| Yeah, that's a reoccurring theme with comics. | ||
| You got to make sure you got a manager that knows what the fuck is going on. | ||
| And if you get a bad one, you get some idiot, you get attached to one. | ||
| I have a bunch of friends that started out with one manager and then somewhere along the line, you know, this manager, when some critical decision was to be made, this manager fucked up and they got rid of him and they moved on and got some bigger manager. | ||
| And then they got sued and a bunch of stupid shit happened. | ||
| I mean, you start off with one guy and that guy turns out to suck. | ||
| You know, you're attached to that fucking idiot. | ||
| And he feels like he deserves a percentage of your profits. | ||
| Then it becomes like a marriage in a sort. | ||
| And then you have to break up with this person. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Just such a nightmare. | ||
| Like, I had been with my manager six years and I had to break up. | ||
| And she was very receptive and understanding about it. | ||
| And that made me think in my mind, like, oh man, this didn't go as bad as I thought it would. | ||
| And then you start thinking, I should have done it sooner and all that. | ||
| But it's just like, you know, whatever happens, happens. | ||
| But you can't stay with somebody who doesn't have your best interests in heart. | ||
| Is that usually because they have a better client now? | ||
| Yeah, they have a better client, some bigger fish to fry. | ||
| And you know, I get it in this town. | ||
| That's the truth. | ||
| My agent, you know, represents like Jamie Foxx and all these people. | ||
| If they turn it down, then maybe I'll get an audition for it. | ||
| They want to make sure that you're a real moneymaker before they put any interest and time into you. | ||
| You got to go out and it's almost like they have you in the stable and then you got to go out and make your own shit happen. | ||
| Yeah, call us and we'll take the 10% when you put something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they go, okay, now let's make you bigger. | ||
| Yeah, that's like getting Christmas presents from Jews. | ||
| I mean, the best thing they can do is just get you in front of someone where you can perform. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, especially if you're out there trying to do the acting thing, man. | ||
| What a crazy job that is. | ||
| Got to go in some fucking room and pretend that this guy that you're sitting there with a piece of paper in his hand, pretend that this is your brother and you guys are back at home and dad just got back from the war and he's a little shell-shocked. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going to do this right here? | ||
| You want to do this in his office? | ||
| I had an acting teacher like that who always wanted to... | ||
| It was the Meisner technique, you know, the real method kind of stuff. | ||
| And his whole goal was to make you cry. | ||
| And then he would be like, what happened if your mother got killed in a car accident? | ||
| Oh, jeez. | ||
| And I'm like, that's some awful shit to say, dude. | ||
| Like, I'm not going to cry. | ||
| I'm getting pissed at you, actually, for thinking that. | ||
| You need fucked up people for actors. | ||
| If you're going to have actors, you want to have really good ones. | ||
| Those people better be fucked up. | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| There's a few of them that aren't fucked up that are really good actors, but mostly few and far between. | ||
| Most of them are a mess. | ||
| Daniel Day-Lewis is a lunatic. | ||
| He's got to be crazy. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| He's a little lunatic. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| He's got to be completely lunatic. | ||
| He's got to live on a farm somewhere in Scotland or something, man. | ||
| Think about how good that motherfucker is. | ||
| Remember that movie where he played a boxer? | ||
| That motherfucker became a boxer for like a year, trained every day like a boxer. | ||
| Did you watch that movie? | ||
| That is the best portrayal of a boxer in a movie where he looks like a real boxer, not some bullshit like Sylvester Stallone movie where it looks like he never threw a punch at a man in a competition in his life where he had to worry about being countered. | ||
| You know, Daniel Day Lewis is hands up, moving, throwing feints. | ||
| He looks like a real goddamn boxer. | ||
| Broken nose and all that. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
| He's a genius actor. | ||
| He just comes out of the, he comes out in the public like every four years, grabs an Oscar and goes back home. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| The guy's completely out of his mind. | ||
| But he's amazing. | ||
| He is amazing. | ||
| Fucking Gangs in New York. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| What was he? | ||
| Bill the Butcher? | ||
| Bill the Butcher or something. | ||
| And then there will be blood. | ||
| He was absolutely loony to him. | ||
| He's getting the fuck out of here. | ||
| Who can do that? | ||
| Who can do that like him? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| And then apparently he stays that way in his trailer, you know? | ||
| Yeah, there's a few guys. | ||
| There's a few of those guys. | ||
| Russell Crowe is fat as fuck now. | ||
| I haven't seen him in lately. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| There's a picture of him. | ||
| He went on a bike ride and he stopped and he's got his bike outfit on his stupid little helmet and he's smoking a cigarette and he is fat as fuck. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Like he's just gigantic fat. | ||
| It's been a couple of years since he has had a picture. | ||
| I was sitting there. | ||
| He was fat when he did Robin Hood, man. | ||
| He had to cut weight to make Robin Hood too. | ||
| You can't have Robin Hood as a fat guy. | ||
| But he's one of those hard drinking, hard smoking actor dudes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a wild man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a crazy fucker. | ||
| That's why he's so good. | ||
| I watched A Beautiful Mind on the way to Australia out of respect because I was going to Australia anyway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was on the plane. | ||
| It was one of those options. | ||
| Forgot how fucking good that movie was. | ||
| Was it 2000 Best Picture? | ||
| 2001, I think, Best Picture. | ||
| I don't know, but it was fucking good. | ||
| Yeah, because Gladiator won 2000 and then that one won 2001. | ||
| He was cleaning up at that time. | ||
| You know what I watched the other day that I forgot how fucking good it was? | ||
| Contact. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I watched that recently on Netflix. | ||
| Dude, I put it on Twitter and all these people going, hello, you, contact sucks. | ||
| Contact's awesome. | ||
| You're gay. | ||
| Well, you are gay. | ||
| Yeah, you're gay. | ||
| The letter you, the letter R, gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello. | |
| You're gay. | ||
| Contact sucks. | ||
| No, it's contact's great. | ||
| I watched that recently. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| You know what's a horrible movie, but almost in that same idea, it's again with Dennis Quaid. | ||
| Hi, guys. | ||
| And he's got the CB radio, and he's talking to the past. | ||
| Jim Caviesel plays his son. | ||
| It's like one word. | ||
| What happened to that guy? | ||
| He played fucking Genesis. | ||
| And then he's gone. | ||
| That doesn't even make sense. | ||
| I mean, that guy should have been Gigantor. | ||
| That movie was a huge movie. | ||
| It was huge, but it was one of those movies, I think, where the movie was huger than who was in it. | ||
| And here's another issue. | ||
| The movie was very anti-Semitic. | ||
| Very anti-Semitic. | ||
| I mean, that was argued, you know, whether or not that was historically accurate or I don't know what whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| You don't know you weren't there. | ||
| And the way it's depicted, it's depicted to me like the Jews were like a fucking huge problem. | ||
| I don't know if it's... | ||
| I don't, I just, it seems to me that the whole story is so convoluted. | ||
| And even if there was a man named Jesus, who knows what the fuck really went down. | ||
| I just don't get why people will buy that and then not buy other things. | ||
| It's like, no world's not getting warmer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No way. | |
| No, no, no global warming here. | ||
| But there's a story of this guy who came back from the dead. | ||
| It's like, where are your priorities? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But Jim Cavizzo playing him was really strange because, you know, he got really obsessed with it because he was 33 at the time and Jesus was 33 and his name was JC. | ||
| And how funny is it? | ||
| This movie, this incredibly religious movie that made incredible amounts of money was made by a psychopath. | ||
| Yeah, an absolute exciting now that you look at it in the past and you look at who he is now and you hear those tapes where he's, you should just shut up and blow me. | ||
| Just insane, red-eyed spit flying out of his fucking mouth. | ||
| I mean, he's off the deep end crazy. | ||
| And he made the most successful religious movie of all time. | ||
| Privately funded it himself, right? | ||
| And then had to turn that profit too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And incredible amounts of money because of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you never saw Passion of the Christ? | ||
| Never saw any of this. | ||
| I used to have a bit about it, that it was a two-hour movie about a dude with magic who got his ass kicked. | ||
| And I go, that is the last movie with subtitles I'll ever see without kung fu in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wasn't that in Aramaic or something? | ||
| Like, I remember that one time. | ||
| Like, and people were coming out of theaters all moved and crying. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what the language was. | ||
| It might have been Aramaic. | ||
| I think that's what they spoke at the time, right? | ||
| That's what they spoke. | ||
| And then they offered up the subtitles. | ||
| But if I want to watch subtitles, yeah, I'm like you. | ||
| It's either Kung Fu or some Swedish weird film where people are going to get killed. | ||
| Yeah, or some Japanese horror movie. | ||
| Yeah, Ringu. | ||
| You know, I'll watch Ringu. | ||
| Pandora's Labyrinth. | ||
| People want to believe, man. | ||
| They want to believe, and they don't want you to take it away from them. | ||
| Netflix has just offered up, for Instant Stream, my favorite TV show of all time, The Twilight Zone. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| 1959 in the middle. | ||
| They just added a bunch of shit lately. | ||
| I thought about you because the very first episode is an episode called Where Is Everybody? | ||
| where the man is undergoing a sensory deprivation experiment and losing his fucking mind doing it. | ||
| And it's revealed at the end, obviously, that it's a military experiment. | ||
| But that show... | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| Yeah, huge. | ||
| It aired in 59. | ||
| I got a P. I'll be right back. | ||
| I have something on the subject. | ||
| Okay, cool. | ||
| Yeah, it aired in 59. | ||
| So I figured, what the hell? | ||
| Yeah, there's certain shows like that that I love watching. | ||
| One is that, another thing, it's just like old, like Laurel and Hardy's and shit like that. | ||
| I love fucking Netflix. | ||
| I've become addicted to it. | ||
| Netflix has made me this documentary watching asshole. | ||
| And I'll watch one on like belly button lit. | ||
| I'll be like, did you see that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| On belly button lit? | ||
| Have you noticed though, like normal... | ||
| The other day I just realized that for cable TV, I forget how much I spend per month for cable TV, but I would think 95% of the content that I watch is Family Guy. | ||
| Like I'll lay in bed, turn on Cartoon Network, oh Family Guy, watch it for three hours, go to bed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's like amazing like how much... | ||
| I wish that we could get to a point of cable TV where we can a la carte. | ||
| A la carte. | ||
| They say they'll never do that though. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it's like... | ||
| But cable is offering now, like I saw at my mom's, they had like on demand, like you can get HBO Premium, like one thing that aired on HBO. | ||
| But I don't turn my TV on hardly ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean hardly ever. | ||
| I watch everything on my computer and my phone now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Same here. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And I get the updates, who's got the new documentaries coming on Netflix and all that stuff. | ||
| And I'll watch the most boring of crap too. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Source Code is a pretty fucking good movie, man. | ||
| Source Code. | ||
| It's a movie with Jake Glillenhall. | ||
| the new movie pretty fucking good movie man yeah it's about a guy i don't want to tell you the whole story because i don't want to give it away but it's it's really interesting and it involves time travel yeah it's a pretty dope movie really well handled revisiting his time traveling uh donny darko he was uh that was also a time traveler yeah yeah no yeah true yeah that's a very well-regarded one too yeah it's a good one yeah this is uh this is very interesting. | ||
| I don't know if it's as good as Donny Darko, but I don't remember because I haven't seen Donnie Darko in a long time. | ||
| You know, movies like they become mythical. | ||
| Like Donny Darko is one of those movies. | ||
| Memento was one of those movies. | ||
| Memento was badass. | ||
| It was badass. | ||
| Guy Pierre. | ||
| There's some movies they seem a lot better because they were a long time ago, and you go back and watch them and you go, yeah, it wasn't that good. | ||
| Or I was just young and dumb. | ||
| I remember Donnie Darko being weird. | ||
| It was weird, but it does hold up. | ||
| Have you ever seen Primer? | ||
| That's the best time travel movie ever. | ||
| That's a great movie. | ||
| Yeah, that one is that. | ||
| You got to watch that one a few times. | ||
| Really independent movie. | ||
| Very small budget. | ||
| Considered like one of the best. | ||
| I mean, you know, you talk back to the future. | ||
| That's, you know, for layman's purposes, that works great. | ||
| They laid the rules for it. | ||
| But Primer is one of those where they really adhere to the rules and the time, you know, the fabric of time and how you can't do this and you can and you get sick and all that shit. | ||
| Like the things, the nuances about actual time traveling that people have taken to study. | ||
| Here's what would happen to your body if you did that. | ||
| Time travel is the most fascinating subject of all to me. | ||
| I don't think of it. | ||
| I mean, I think eventually it's going to be breached. | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| That's the end of time. | ||
| Human beings are going to figure out everything. | ||
| We figured out so much so far and we are not going to stop. | ||
| And as long as we stay alive, they just found out that the caldera volcano under Yellowstone is way bigger than previously thought. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| This fucking giant super volcano that kills everybody. | ||
| They just found out it's even bigger. | ||
| Anyway, if something like that doesn't happen, people are going to continue to innovate. | ||
| They're going to continue to make a faster phone, a faster computer, a car that doesn't need to be recharged for a month. | ||
| It's going to be internet through the air at ridiculous broadband fiber optic speeds. | ||
| It's all going to eventually come to a head. | ||
| It's got to come to that Ray Kurzwheel singularity, that Terence McKenna time wave zero point of infinite novelty. | ||
| It's going to happen, man. | ||
| It has to. | ||
| It's a thing where it's like you see more and more articles that talk about how, in theory, I think it's, I mean, what Einstein proved in theory, it's absolutely possible. | ||
| But now they're really, there's funding, private funding, but funding going towards actually taking this seriously. | ||
| If we're going to take Christ and all that seriously, let's take this seriously. | ||
| Dude, it's just like the nuclear power issue. | ||
| The nuclear power issue is something where they came up with something and they figured out how to do it and then they just went ahead and did it without having it completely worked out. | ||
| They went ahead and did it without having some agreed upon ability to shut it off. | ||
| Without having some agreed upon ability to store all the waste before we start producing it. | ||
| They just started doing it. | ||
| They just started doing it. | ||
| And they're going to do that with everything now. | ||
| But they did that with the space program, all that. | ||
| They do that with everything. | ||
| They're doing it with the Large Hadron Collider. | ||
| And they're out there smashing atoms, making that Higgs bosson particle and creating little miniature black holes. | ||
| They really are not exactly sure what's going to happen. | ||
| They're taking some chances, and sometimes things go wrong. | ||
| And things are going wrong in Japan right now, and they're going to continue to go wrong and as well as go right. | ||
| But no matter what, things are going to keep moving. | ||
| They move past the nuclear bombs of the 1940s to what we're capable of today. | ||
| And that's going to be nothing compared to anti-matter weapons that they're coming up with right now. | ||
| They're coming up with some shit right now. | ||
| Ray guns, actual ray guns. | ||
| Have you seen the laser that they shot down? | ||
| They did a demonstration recently where a boat was a mile away, and they shot it with this laser and caused the engines to catch on fire from a mile away. | ||
| So they've got some crazy shit they're working on. | ||
| That's pretty dope. | ||
| That's nothing compared to, I'm sure, a bunch of their shit. | ||
| The drones. | ||
| The drones are the scariest thing, man. | ||
| These fucking, their ability to operate these little tiny machines that look like bugs. | ||
| They can get them little tiny ones and fly them around and fucking make videos of people and shit. | ||
| Dude, that's amazing. | ||
| Have you seen? | ||
| There's even a thing for the iPhone now, that little helicopter you can fly. | ||
| They've had their first friendly fire incident with drones as well. | ||
| There was a thing today. | ||
| I retweeted it. | ||
| It's on my Twitter if you're interested. | ||
| There's some drones killed some fucking people. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Killed some U.S. soldiers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it was off the Drudge Report. | ||
| They're flying drones in Japan, too, right now, aren't they? | ||
| To get to look inside the reactors? | ||
| I would assume they would do something like that. | ||
| Watch mother cracks. | ||
| It's pretty accurate now. | ||
| It's really scary shit, man. | ||
| It is scary. | ||
| You know what you retweeted that was even better than that, though? | ||
| Was Kitty kissing a dolphin? | ||
| Oh, that was the cutest thing ever. | ||
| I could watch that shit all day. | ||
| It was a cat and a dolphin being all snugly with each other. | ||
| It was the cutest thing ever, man. | ||
| I wonder if that's like one of the first times a dolphin has played with a cat. | ||
| That cat was a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He didn't care. | ||
| He's like hanging out over the water and he's not even tripping. | ||
| You know, cats can't fucking swim. | ||
| They would freak out if they fell in that. | ||
| That's instant death. | ||
| Meanwhile, he's like, you know, dancing along the edge. | ||
| He doesn't care. | ||
| He's making swats at the dolphin. | ||
| I haven't seen that. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's very cute. | ||
| Especially for a guy like Brian Price. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He loves them. | |
| I want to fuck that dolphin. | ||
| He loves his little kitties. | ||
| Oh, you do have kitties. | ||
| You have one of those smush faces. | ||
| I have too many kitties. | ||
| I have two cats and a dog, and I'm so sick of it. | ||
| Oh, I retweeted this. | ||
| The ASU adult film star did not get... | ||
| She did not go to... | ||
| She didn't get suspended. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| I mean, I was going to say, that's a pretty lenient campus. | ||
| She did not get her scholarship revoked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it's not like that's not, you know, party school central there. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Yeah, apparently it was. | ||
| The whole thing is scripted, she says. | ||
| I knew going in there it was for sex. | ||
| She said she was paid $2,000 and ensured the video would only appear on the part of the website people had to pay to see. | ||
| But that didn't happen. | ||
| The video found its way onto free porn sites. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Well, she has no case or anything. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Of course she does. | ||
| to the internet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, let me teach you about... | |
| It's there forever. | ||
| So I guess they just can let you. | ||
| The school says, go ahead, do some porn. | ||
| You can still have your scholarship. | ||
| I mean, half the people in school are ASU. | ||
| It's amazing how porn is acceptable as long as it's an accident. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like Kim Kardashian. | ||
| If Kim Kardashian got hired by Vivid and got gang fucked by 50 football players, and shot loads in her mouth, then she'd be done. | ||
| Nobody would want to have anything to do with her. | ||
| But the fact that it was like her man and she was fucking him And meanwhile, why is there so many cameras? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| These cameras are from weird angles. | ||
| Like, there's people in the room with you. | ||
| Okay, what the fuck is going on, man? | ||
| There's cuts, there's one shots, two shots. | ||
| What kind of a video is this? | ||
| You know, what is it? | ||
| You know, what the fuck was that like? | ||
| But that, somehow or another, is acceptable. | ||
| It's the most ridiculous host. | ||
| It's not just acceptable, it's fortuitous for them. | ||
| It's a career builder. | ||
| I mean, she's who she is because of that taste. | ||
| She's gigantic, dude. | ||
| She's gigantic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's bigger than all of us. | ||
| Every businessman she gets into Clock's G's. | ||
| That bitch is on billboards in Australia. | ||
| She was on Cosmo's cover of a Turkey version yesterday. | ||
| There was a big uproar because Turkey put her on the cover of the Turkish version of Cosmo. | ||
| And you know, Turks and Armenians. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little bad blood there. | |
| Oh, really? | ||
| And she's an Armenian. | ||
| And she's an Armenian, and she's gracing the cover of a Turkish publication. | ||
| Not by her choice. | ||
| Cosmo went and did it without her. | ||
| But it was funny. | ||
| A bunch of Armenians got pissed because Kobe Bryant did a spot for Turkish Airlines. | ||
| It's like he's gotten a horse in that race. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That I understand. | ||
| He should do that. | ||
| But her, it's like, yeah, that's a little weird. | ||
| That's a little weird. | ||
| It's a little weird. | ||
| Like Morty Solomon wearing a swastika. | ||
| It's almost the way society is set up right now with like these teen mom shows and the real housewives of Beverly Hills and Kim Kardashian. | ||
| It's almost like the scene in The Running Man when they have those ridiculous shows. | ||
| That movie is so accurate. | ||
| You're so right. | ||
| It's almost like it's getting to this weird sort of surreal point where it's like, wow, this is what everyone's fixated on and fascinated by. | ||
| 16-year-olds that get knocked up have a TV show now and you see them scream at their boyfriend. | ||
| Get up, you fucking lazy fat piece of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beat the hell out of him. | |
| Beeping and everything's beeping and the guy gets in the car and he's taking the baby and the girl's screaming in his face. | ||
| Big dude getting punched. | ||
| What the fuck are we watching? | ||
| And you wonder why people have lost their psychic abilities and all that shit. | ||
| I used to think that when I was doing Fear Factor. | ||
| When I was doing Fear Factor, I was like, we are three seasons away from the running man. | ||
| We're like right here. | ||
| We're right here by the door. | ||
| And they'll come. | ||
| They'll line up. | ||
| We were doing Fear Factor and you know, everybody's like, well, you know, the shows like that, man, are designed by the government to keep you soft. | ||
| No, no, they're not. | ||
| They're made by people because that's what people want to see. | ||
| But even the people making them, it's not like they're the grand programmers of the universe and they've done this on purpose to try to lower people's standards. | ||
| No, this is what you want to see, man. | ||
| You really do want to see some dumb shit. | ||
| It's a reflection of society. | ||
| That's what they want. | ||
| It's a fascinating thing to be a part of, too, because when we were doing Fear Factor, while we were doing it, we were all going, are they really letting us do this? | ||
| Like, it was, you know, we'd say, okay, we said we're going to blend rats. | ||
| What did they say? | ||
| They said, good, we got a green light. | ||
| They got a green light. | ||
| I'm blending rats. | ||
| What about drink your own piss? | ||
| No, we just got a red light. | ||
| You can't drink your own piss. | ||
| Every now and then we get red lights. | ||
| Okay, how about eat a buffalo dick? | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Green light. | ||
| Green light. | ||
| Eat buffalo dicks. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| We can eat buffalo dicks. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| And we tell them it's buffalo dicks? | ||
| Yes, you're allowed to tell them. | ||
| How about balls? | ||
| Yes, you can eat balls. | ||
| Remember we have boiled balls, giant bull testicles with the skin on them, all the veins around it. | ||
| You're like, did you ever get sick watching them do that stuff? | ||
| Oh, a bunch of times. | ||
| I never threw up on the set. | ||
| I only threw up at home once. | ||
| Funny enough, I would watch that show with my nose plugged, thinking, like, just reflectively, I would literally watch like this because I'd feel like I'd catch a whiff of something. | ||
| You know, it wasn't the most fun thing to do, you know, because it was really fun sometimes, but other times it was fucking tedious as hell. | ||
| But looking back on it, I'm like, wow, I was a part of some weird part of fucking television history. | ||
| One of the most unique shows ever. | ||
| There's nothing before or after that's like it. | ||
| It was so strange to be a part of it. | ||
| I was at the 99 Cent store the other day, and they're still selling Fear Factor candy. | ||
| That's got a show around the world still, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I get emails from people sometimes in other countries where it just started checking. | ||
| I've just discovered Fear Factor. | ||
| Yeah, for real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| It just started. | ||
| It just started there. | ||
| You just got it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's countries that are just now getting, like, I guess apparently my sister's boyfriend is from Germany. | ||
| He was saying, like, you know, they showed Knight Rider, you know, like now there, like, because David Hasselhoff, and they pride him, but they'll, countries will get stuff that we are done with, like, that wrapped in the 90s, that wrapped in the 80s, but they'll think it's new. | ||
| And they'll dress accordingly. | ||
| Isn't it weird when a comic goes to another country and becomes big in that country? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| That is weird. | ||
| They're not big in America, but they go somewhere and they become big. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's real weird. | |
| That's strange, right? | ||
| That's real weird, especially if you're a native country, you can't seem to find... | ||
| Hendrix did it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| A few other guys did it. | ||
| Yeah, but they came to America. | ||
| And America has always been at the top of the ice cream pile. | ||
| That's where the cherry is. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's still, it's the grand, you know, the big stage, supposedly. | ||
| But for like a lot of comics, like going to other countries, you become more successful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like Arch Barker is gigantic in Australia, dude. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Oh, my God, dude. | ||
| He's like Richard Pryor in Australia. | ||
| No bullshit, man. | ||
| He's fucking huge. | ||
| How did that happen? | ||
| Is it a cartoon? | ||
| Well, I guess he went over there, kicked ass, went on a bunch of tours, did a bunch of tours over there, and they just love him. | ||
| He lives there now. | ||
| Apparently, he got a house there, and he's like, fuck it. | ||
| He comes on tour in America, but most of the time he spends in Australia sells out like, you know, fucking 20, 30 nights in a row at places. | ||
| I was wondering what happened to him because it's like around the time like him, Dimitri Martin, started getting a lot of attention that seems like one kind of went the other way. | ||
| Well, he went to Australia and just started kicking ass. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| He's like the biggest comic in Australia. | ||
| I think Pablo joins pretty well worldwide, doesn't he? | ||
| He does huge in like Finland and shit. | ||
| He's got some pockets of fans out there. | ||
| He's so silly, too. | ||
| You don't really have to be adept at the language to understand Pablo. | ||
| Well, that's the thing, is the language barrier would, I think, certainly have to keep me in English-speaking only nations, obviously, and even the most Americanized ones, because it's like. | ||
| Well, a lot of Europe speaks English as well. | ||
| they come to your show. | ||
| I've done shows in Ireland. | ||
| I've done shows in a bunch of different... | ||
| And you get people that speak a gang of different languages and English. | ||
| Right. | ||
| French, English, they speak it all. | ||
| It just seems to me like I watched a documentary about Eddie Izzard learned French to do a set in France. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That was pretty cool. | ||
| And connected with them. | ||
| Not as much as he would want to, but he learned French. | ||
| And now growing up a Brit, he probably knew his fair share as it was. | ||
| Dude, Eddie Izzard's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| I used to think he's a silly man with a dress on. | ||
| Like when I first saw him cross-dressing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| What kind of weird gimmick is that? | ||
| then I saw him do this one show where he went on a marathon every day for like 30 fucking days or something crazy like that. | ||
| It might have been even more than 30 days. | ||
| Something nuts, man. | ||
| This guy ran all the way around the UK. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Dude, it was ridiculous. | ||
| And they filmed him, they followed him around with cameras. | ||
| I mean, he got hurt, man. | ||
| His feet were fucked up and he kept running. | ||
| His legs would knot up. | ||
| He could barely move. | ||
| He could barely shuffle for it. | ||
| What was he kept going for? | ||
| I forget, some sort of charity thing? | ||
| Yeah, I watched a documentary on him and they talked about, they addressed the cross-dressing issue, but by the time you get done with the film, he's so fascinating that that's just a little side thing to the point where you don't even think of it anymore. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's a really interesting dude. | ||
| It's a cross-dressing thing where it's like a guy who smokes cigarettes. | ||
| It's like, I kind of need to do it. | ||
| That's what he's literally like, I have to do it. | ||
| He's not like, I'm not into dudes, nothing like that. | ||
| I just really need to do this once a day. | ||
| And I was just like, wow. | ||
| And that's what he would do when he would go on stage. | ||
| Like, he was really like, he was into cross-dressing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He's just into cross-dressing. | ||
| It's not a gimmick. | ||
| There was no sexual thing. | ||
| It was just some. | ||
| There's no sexual thing. | ||
| I mean, it's probably. | ||
| So he says, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People know he likes to do it. | |
| But he was so interesting, he made you forget that he dressed like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Anybody can run a marathon every day as many days as he did. | ||
| It was a ridiculous documentary. | ||
| I don't know why it didn't air in America because NBC or someone should have picked it up because it was really compelling. | ||
| It is interesting. | ||
| They should have aired it simultaneously. | ||
| It was really compelling. | ||
| I mean, if they had room for it anywhere, it would have done very well because it was really gripping. | ||
| I started it not thinking that I was going to get into it at all. | ||
| I was like, who gives a fuck about some idiot running everywhere? | ||
| You know, I'm like, this is stupid. | ||
| You're going to run everywhere. | ||
| But then I realized how much he's pushing through this and doing it in great spirits and laughing. | ||
| This guy's got a solid personality. | ||
| There's documentaries you'll watch like that. | ||
| I watched one recently called Still Bill. | ||
| Have you heard of this one? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a story of Bill Withers. | ||
| He's a soul singer, kind of R ⁇ B guy from the 70s. | ||
| Sang and wrote Lean On Me. | ||
| Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| But this guy didn't pick up a guitar or sing or learn to do any of it until he was 32 years old. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And you want to talk about natural ability. | ||
| This guy picks it up when he's 32, writes Lean On Me, blows up, leaves the music business like 10 years after being in it, sometime around the late 70s, just had enough, and just collects his royalties. | ||
| And mind you, he makes a ton of money. | ||
| He's the nicest, most decent person you ever saw. | ||
| He's from Slab Fork, West Virginia, has this real country way of living, but lives up in the Hollywood Hills. | ||
| But you talk to this guy. | ||
| He's the most lovable guy in the world. | ||
| Of course, he doesn't have to do anything. | ||
| He doesn't have to do anything smokes. | ||
| But, you know, the whole thing is, people have been begging him to come do tracks, come back into the music industry for years. | ||
| And at the end, I won't tell you what happened. | ||
| somebody begs him to come back. | ||
| And it just shows this guy who... | ||
| No, it's nothing like that. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| I would have never said that. | ||
| I hate that guy. | ||
| I feel bad for him. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Chris Brown? | ||
| Yeah, I feel bad for him being him. | ||
| Yeah, he hates being him. | ||
| You can tell. | ||
| It's a hard person to be, man. | ||
| He's a mess. | ||
| You can tell the guy has no... | ||
| He came back and wrote a song and it was horrible. | ||
| I can't tell you. | ||
| I can't tell you that. | ||
| You got to watch it. | ||
| Still Bill, but it was. | ||
| Still Bill. | ||
| Still Bill. | ||
| One of the best documentaries I've seen in per Bobby Lee's recommendation, funny enough. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And not funny enough, because sometimes he recommends really good stuff, but other times he recommends horrible stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the worst thing he's ever recommended? | |
| The What You Call It movie with River Phoenix's brother? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I heard that was terrible. | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| He thought it was brilliant. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's fucking brilliant, he said. | ||
| You just did it. | ||
| It's fucking brilliant. | ||
| Bobby Lee, it's brilliant. | ||
| It wasn't brilliant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of his stuff, he got you impressions. | |
| Bobby's into pretty good movies. | ||
| Can you do Bobby Lee? | ||
| Can you do I could do fucking Bobby Lee? | ||
| That's what he is. | ||
| Dude, I'm going to fucking bomb Joe Rogan. | ||
| I'm the fucking bomb. | ||
| Pretty close. | ||
| Yeah, close. | ||
| That's as much as he can. | ||
| Can you do Jesse Ventura? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesse the Body Ventura. | |
| Now it's Jesse the Mind Ventura. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I come on Joe Rogan's podcast to talk the truth. | |
| Yeah, I think that's pretty goddamn good. | ||
| I've never done that before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
911 was an inside job. | |
| If you think the latter, you're the one who's misinformed, brother. | ||
| You don't think that Rumsfeld knew what he was doing when he told those troops to stand down? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Nancy almost sounds a little Sam Elliott in there, too. | ||
| A little bit, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dodge Ram. | |
| You ain't got any roadhouse quotes in you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Show that man to the door, and if he doesn't go quietly, what is it? | |
| Use his fucking head and buy yourself a Dodge Ram pickup with all the torque. | ||
| You definitely know how to stretch his words out the way he stretches his words out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rocky, get on the bike, Rocky, Rocky Dennis. | |
| What was that thing you did about iced tea and Coco? | ||
| What did you do recently? | ||
| Oh, it was for Sam Triple Show? | ||
| Yeah, for Sam Triple Show. | ||
| Baby Bull. | ||
| Baby Bull. | ||
| Yeah, we did an iced tea commercial with a Coco. | ||
| A great Coco lookalike, by the way. | ||
| Maya? | ||
| Was that her name? | ||
| Maya. | ||
| Did she look just like Coco for a while? | ||
| She was built like her. | ||
| She was an anomaly, like this huge ass, huge boobs, and this tiny waist. | ||
| Now, granted, it was all sculpted that way, but it was still this anomaly. | ||
| It was like, it was ridiculous. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| She sculpted that way, meaning like operations. | ||
| Yeah, operations up top. | ||
| I've heard people seen that Coco in real life. | ||
| I said she's absolutely beautiful. | ||
| She is. | ||
| But yeah, we did the Iced T thing. | ||
| We did the baby bull, man. | ||
| That went over pretty well. | ||
| And he saw it. | ||
| Red Band tweeted it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Iced T tweeted back. | ||
| What did the Ice T say? | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| I said, hey, I made a video. | ||
| What do you think about this? | ||
| And he was. | ||
| I say it's interesting. | ||
| I say it's interesting. | ||
| That's pretty goddamn good iced tea. | ||
| That's like that iced tea, man. | ||
| That's dead. | ||
| That's 100%. | ||
| And I'm fighting off a cold from the past three days. | ||
| Sometimes when I have a cold, my impressions get a little better. | ||
| Like, I've never done that Venturo one before. | ||
| I didn't know that you could do it. | ||
| I don't know if you could do it. | ||
| Do you do a good Broca? | ||
| I love a good Broca. | ||
| Tom Broca, I mean, she's nightly news. | ||
| Serious bombs are probably into all of us. | ||
| There's nothing Americans can do about it. | ||
| Did you know Tom Broca's a pothead, 24-hour a day pothead? | ||
| Is he really? | ||
| He's a prideful pothead. | ||
| That's what he must be so powerful. | ||
| I take bong rips on the daily. | ||
| I'm Tom Broca. | ||
| I only smoke Indica. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The sativa makes me not want to do my job. | |
| It's nightly news. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's so good. | ||
| Don Nuts. | ||
| He really does smoke pot. | ||
| Where'd you hear this? | ||
| You know, I read it somewhere and I just ran with it. | ||
| I didn't research it. | ||
| Let's research it. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Go to, just, yeah, say Tom. | ||
| Tom Broca. | ||
| Parje. | ||
| How do you spell Broca? | ||
| B-R-O-K. | ||
|
unidentified
|
W. That's Boy Roger Ocean. | |
| Saw a family guy last night where there was a gang of BroCalls. | ||
| There was like 12 of them. | ||
| No. | ||
| Never did it. | ||
| Not interested. | ||
| What I did was I experimented with a little marijuana. | ||
| I never heard it. | ||
| Like a lot of other people. | ||
| You just made up some shit. | ||
| God damn it, Frank. | ||
| No, somebody made it up and I wanted to believe it. | ||
| Okay, I want to be able to. | ||
| I'm going to believe it too. | ||
| I wish I didn't Google it. | ||
| Let's Google it again. | ||
| Who's confirming is this? | ||
| Is there some clearinghouse of whether a celebrity is a pothead or not? | ||
| I broke off the Huffington Post. | ||
| Give us a talk. | ||
| I've been working on a John Luthgau as well. | ||
| My girlfriend doesn't like it, but I do. | ||
| Actually, she does like it. | ||
| Handle Dexter. | ||
| Can you do women? | ||
| Can you do Nancy Grace? | ||
| She's my favorite. | ||
| Nancy Grace. | ||
| This is a real problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dead babies in Florida. | ||
| We are live right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Homie. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that was a good march. | ||
| Was it a good one? | ||
| The other one that you do that's amazing is Morgan Freeman, isn't it? | ||
| Morgan Freeman. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Andy Dufran. | ||
| Andy Dufrayne gave me hand jobs those last few nights. | ||
| Talk about your penis, Morgan. | ||
| My penis hangs down to my kneecaps. | ||
| And I'm wearing knickerbocker shorts, you can tell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Knickerbocker shorts. | |
| Sure. | ||
| Sure, why not? | ||
| I have to do Lean On Me quotes. | ||
| What you got in that locker, son? | ||
| My future. | ||
| All right now. | ||
| And then I take quotes from Lean On Me and I change them around. | ||
| Like in Lean On Me, there's this kid he keeps asking because this kid's like, yo, Mr. Clark, man, I'm going to move away, man. | ||
| I'm going to go make money. | ||
| He's like, you'll be dead in a year, son. | ||
| He's like, no, no, man, I'm going to go work for my uncle. | ||
| We'll be dead in a year. | ||
| So me and a buddy would take it and be like, yo, Mr. Clark, I got accepted to Harvard, man. | ||
| You'll be dead in a year, son. | ||
| Not going to Harvard in Cambridge. | ||
| You'll be dead in a year, son. | ||
| Well, fuck you then, Clark. | ||
| Joe did an Ice Cube thing the other day. | ||
| We were in the green room, baked as hell, and we saw this commercial for a sitcom for Ice Cube's new sitcom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are we there yet? | |
| Yeah, that's like, damn, why are you kids making all this noise? | ||
| I pick up little Chris and put him on the porch. | ||
| Yeah, Ice Cube's terrible. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| You know, I saw him in concert recently. | ||
| Damn, kids. | ||
| You saw him in concert? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was he doing? | ||
| Caparillo bought me the ticket. | ||
| We went to go see him and he didn't do anything off death certificate, the album I grew up loving. | ||
| That album changed. | ||
| He's probably not allowed to. | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| Brushed out of school because I was a high school grad. | ||
| So there's a little ice cube. | ||
| I got it there. | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| Stuff from post-98. | ||
| I hadn't listened to anything at Ice Cube since 95. | ||
| So it was one of the new shit that you hadn't heard. | ||
| I guess he still makes new shit. | ||
| And then he brought his son out. | ||
| Like, I want to hear his son's out. | ||
| His son is pretty good, though. | ||
| His son, he has two sons. | ||
| One looks just like him from 1987. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The thing is, that's the thing with second-generation hip-hop, dude. | ||
| You better come seriously correct because hip-hop's born in poverty and thrives and struggle. | ||
| And second-generation hip-hop, I don't mind a rich rapper who became rich on his own, but the second generation thing, you know, Harvard West Lake July, die, homie. | ||
| You know, it doesn't. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure he still had to grow up having Ice Cube as a father. | ||
| Ice Cube got fucked up. | ||
| All right, Ice Cube, I'll tell you this. | ||
| At the age of 17, moved to Arizona, went to a trade school and studied architecture before founding NWA. | ||
| You should check on that. | ||
| O'Shea Jackson, his name is. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So what is this kid? | ||
| This kid goes up and raps? | ||
| Comes up and raps about hard times. | ||
| Joe Rogan? | ||
| I heard he was rapping. | ||
| Does he rap about hard times? | ||
| Hard times. | ||
| Joe Rogan. | ||
| I heard he was good, though. | ||
| I heard he was good. | ||
| He was good. | ||
| He's got that booming voice like Ice Cube has. | ||
| What does he say about the hard times? | ||
| I don't even remember. | ||
| I just wanted to leave so bad by the time it was over. | ||
| It was at the House of Blues. | ||
| You know, the last time I was at the House of Blues, I saw you there, and you ran into me because we went to Chewy's show. | ||
| Why we did that, I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was a good time. | |
| But it was 2001, maybe, something like that. | ||
| And then we got a Chewy show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good, dude. | |
| Chewy's good. | ||
| Hey, I'm going to the House of Blues, bro. | ||
| You got to come. | ||
| Dude, he's a crazy guy. | ||
| And as a bouncer, he wasn't your favorite guy. | ||
| But as a band member, that was pretty dope. | ||
| He was good, man. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I was like, Chewy was the doorman at the comedy store like fucking forever. | ||
| But he was a nice guy. | ||
| I mean, he had to like you to be a nice guy. | ||
| He liked me luckily. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| I've seen my shit. | ||
| If he didn't like you, it became a real problem. | ||
| But he always liked me. | ||
| And I even introduced him one time. | ||
| I introduced him one time at the House of Beau's. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I was like, they're fucking good, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's real good. | ||
| Chewy Castro and what was the band called? | ||
| Chewy and the, I don't know, I remember their song, Hey Chewie. | ||
| It was yeah, hey, Chewy. | ||
| Hey, Rick James is going to play with me, bro. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Rick James used to come jam with him? | ||
| Rick James used to go on stage with Chewy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And this was back before Rick James was like immortalized by Dave Chappelle. | ||
| Oh, yeah, this was 2000, 2001. | ||
| Yeah, Rick James was like, you know, people like didn't care that much that he was there. | ||
| After the Dave Chappelle sketches, if he went on stage, they would have gone crazy. | ||
| But this was, I mean, obviously he was dead, you know, but this was 2001 or so. | ||
| He would go on. | ||
| Dude, Chewy's band, it was real weird to know someone from work and then, you know, they say, hey, will you come see my band? | ||
| I'm like, okay, here we go. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| But, you know, I mean, you didn't really expect too much. | ||
| Chewy Castro and like the notes, the notes or something. | ||
| I forget what the fuck they were. | ||
| Yeah, somebody can find that. | ||
| Chewy Castro. | ||
| He was also the bad guy in James Bond, right? | ||
| Chewy Castro. | ||
| He dressed up like that guy, that one guy that always got a little bit of a drink. | ||
| All the time that they always take the hat off. | ||
| Cut your head off with his hat. | ||
| He's dressed like that or like somebody from a Clockwork Orange or somebody who works at Umatniberg or hat. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Cut your head off with his hat. | ||
| Remember, he would hit sculptures and shit and knock arms off and stuff. | ||
| His fucking stupid hat. | ||
| But Chewy could do that. | ||
| Well, Chewy also had a side job there. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| Great Lebowski. | ||
| How many interesting people have you met out of the goddamn comedy store? | ||
| That is like a whirlpool that sucks all the weirdos right to it. | ||
| It's the Overlook Hotel from the Shiny, man. | ||
| It's just a vortex for the weirdoism. | ||
| Have you ever met Mickey? | ||
| Mickey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a guy who's literally so funny to watch because he's so crazy, but he's the most like, it's funny to watch somebody interact with him like a customer. | ||
| He's just some dude who hangs out there, but they're like, is there bathrooms here? | ||
| He'd be like yeah. | ||
| Like the most difficult person you could ever run into if you just want basic information. | ||
| Is this a new guy? | ||
| No, he's been there since the 70s. | ||
| He got the tinted glasses. | ||
| Tinted glasses, mustache. | ||
| Since the 70s. | ||
| Since the 70s. | ||
| Been hanging out there. | ||
| Apparently he's a trust fund guy. | ||
| He's a mystery. | ||
| He's a ding-dong guy, isn't he? | ||
| I think he was a ding-dong guy for a little while. | ||
| I tried to avoid that. | ||
| Don Barris freaked me out with all those people. | ||
| He'd been crazy characters in that stuff, though. | ||
| Mickey's one of them. | ||
| Is there no greater master of nuts than Don Barris? | ||
| Don is the ringleader. | ||
| We just had him on Death Squad, man. | ||
| He was talking about the old days when the comedy store was in a basement of a restaurant. | ||
| Oh, that was the Westwood version? | ||
| Wasn't it Westwood? | ||
| Yeah, that was where Kinnison used to rock out of. | ||
| Yeah, he was talking about Kinnison and how there was a bullet hole. | ||
| I didn't know this in the belly room. | ||
| The sign of the belly room. | ||
| Yeah, he pulled out, I think it was about him and dice being mad at each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Kinnison pulled out a gun and shot a fucking sign. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's craziness. | ||
| Yeah, it's a pretty interesting podcast. | ||
| You know, who else is a great ruler of the crazies? | ||
| It's Rick Ingram. | ||
| He always has, they always worship him. | ||
| It's so funny, like, how he's got that power up. | ||
| And the crazier they are, the more they confide in him, which is so funny because he's the most cynical motherfucker on earth. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He just makes fun of them right to their face. | ||
| They're like, I love you, Rick. | ||
| You're always good to me. | ||
| It's like, no, you know. | ||
| Weird people in Hollywood trying to be seen, trying to be heard, trying to be found. | ||
| Find me. | ||
| What a weird, creepy place to live. | ||
| Do you ever think you're ever moving out of here? | ||
| Are you going to stay here forever? | ||
| If I did, I'd move to New York, basically. | ||
| I could live in New York. | ||
| I can live in LA. | ||
| But I want to have somewhere in Montana, and I want to go fly fishing and just be left a hell of a lot. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| I go, let's go. | ||
| We keep saying this, man. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| There's a ton of fish. | ||
| It's a spring. | ||
| Let's go fishing. | ||
| We should have done. | ||
| We were in Portland. | ||
| We should have stayed an extra day and went salmon fishing. | ||
| Catalina Island. | ||
| Is there fishing there? | ||
| Yeah, it's ocean, though. | ||
| It's definitely fish. | ||
| Dude, have you ever watched The Urban Fisherman? | ||
| This guy will show you where to fish in your city, dude. | ||
| I'm a huge fan. | ||
| Oh, I saw that show. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Urban Fisherman. | ||
| This guy. | ||
| He's on the hunting shows. | ||
| It's a fishing. | ||
| No, it's actually like on travel, I think. | ||
| And it's that guy's Icanelli Ross. | ||
| There's somebody Icanelli or something. | ||
| His last name isn't. | ||
| He does urban fishing. | ||
| He'll catch fish in the Hudson River. | ||
| He'll catch fish. | ||
| Does he eat them? | ||
| No, he doesn't eat them. | ||
| He's a sport fisherman, so he tosses them all back. | ||
| But he'll show you, if you live in a big city, you can still find great fishing. | ||
| I fish three times a month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what'd be cool? | |
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| What do you guys? | ||
| I go to Arizona a lot. | ||
| I go fly fishing. | ||
| I go bass fishing. | ||
| Me and my buddy Scotty Gee, we do the bass fishing at Dobson Ranch Park, dude. | ||
| Just throw them all day. | ||
| I caught a catfish at night waiting for my breaks to be done. | ||
| I was like, I'm going to go next door, catch a catfish, come back, dude. | ||
| I got an emergency pole. | ||
| Where was this? | ||
| This was in Arizona. | ||
| In Arizona, but not out here. | ||
| You don't do it. | ||
| I do it out here, too. | ||
| When do you fishing? | ||
| You go to the Santa Monica Pier and fish without a license. | ||
| You can fish anywhere, yeah. | ||
| In the ocean, you can fish without a license. | ||
| Without a license on the Santa Monica Pier, you can fish, yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| How come? | ||
| I think it's kind of no man's land. | ||
| They can't really govern it. | ||
| You don't really need, I don't even think you need a license to ocean fish at all. | ||
| Yeah, I think you don't. | ||
| I think it's freshwater that you need to license. | ||
| Yeah, it's freshwater, and it's all like, it's all that urban stuff. | ||
| You have to get that local urban license, and then you have to get the lake license. | ||
| But I fish any chance I get. | ||
| It's so much like comedy. | ||
| It's a patience game. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| When you get good at it, you get a lot. | ||
| I'm not good at it. | ||
| I just do it a lot, but I'm getting better. | ||
| I used to fish all the time when I was living in Jamaica Plain. | ||
| I used to go to Jamaica Pond and catch big ass fucking rainbow trout. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we'd catch a lot of fish there, man. | ||
| And there was a lake. | ||
| Massachusetts is great because there was a lot of different places to fish when I was a kid. | ||
| But there was a lake near my house in Newton. | ||
| I caught a three-pound bass in this little tiny ass pond. | ||
| It's a big ass fucking bass just dominating shit in this pond. | ||
| I think swimming and fishing would sound so good together. | ||
| Just hanging out. | ||
| I'd get freaked out by my own bait. | ||
| And I used lures. | ||
| I'd have a top water hook. | ||
| I'd be afraid of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| And I've gotten into lures now. | ||
| Like as a kid, I was always a live bait. | ||
| But now I'm into lures, the art of fishing. | ||
| And I got into fly fishing recently. | ||
| That's some cool shit, dude. | ||
| I'm so good at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Catching. | |
| That's so awesome. | ||
| I used to love catching bass on floating Rapalas. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'd cast them out then, just twitch it a little bit, like a little fish that's fucked up. | ||
| Bass are like torpedoes and they nailed that fucking thing. | ||
| Like they could not hit it. | ||
| Dude, you want to catch bass, too? | ||
| Spoons. | ||
| That's the best way. | ||
| Spoons. | ||
| Those silver things. | ||
| They look like dying minnows against the stream. | ||
| That was the coolest thing about fishing when I was a kid. | ||
| You never knew what the fuck they wanted that day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One day it was plastic worms. | ||
| The next day it was spinner baits. | ||
| It was all different things to catch them with. | ||
| Or they were smarter and wiser to somebody else. | ||
| You'd be fishing with somebody like, what did he use? | ||
| And he caught something and you'd lose all confidence in what you had. | ||
| God damn it, I need to get one of those. | ||
| We go to this place, my buddy, one of the places I go, my mom lives next door to a lake, just one of these community lakes. | ||
| I go fish there, pull catfish out of there. | ||
| I go to my buddy, Scotty Gilliam, lives on Dobson Ranch. | ||
| It's like four feet deep, this water. | ||
| We take his dad's pontoon, smoke bowls and fucking fish the whole time. | ||
| Like just smoking bowls and fishing. | ||
| Sounds fun. | ||
| And in the sun, too. | ||
| it's the best time, man. | ||
| I like fishing is, has given me in my thirties, this whole new, Like, I've got a lot more patience now. | ||
| There's something visceral about hooking a big fish, too, man. | ||
| You know, it's like there's something that just goes, it charges up some caveman instinct. | ||
| Nature, you won that day. | ||
| You know, you won that day. | ||
| And I've been places where it's like, you know, there's big whales swimming by. | ||
| They're not biting nothing. | ||
| But then there's other nights where it's like, you know, I was at my mom's house one night. | ||
| I said, I'm going to catch a fucking fish right now. | ||
| And I'm taking hot dog with me. | ||
| That's how pathetic this is. | ||
| But I know they're catfish. | ||
| They're fucking lake roaches. | ||
| They'll eat anything. | ||
| I chum the water with a little corn. | ||
| Sure enough, two seconds later, I had a bite on that hot dog. | ||
| I used to use chicken liver. | ||
| I used to buy chicken. | ||
| Chicken liver at a store near my grandfather's. | ||
| He used to take me in Newark, New Jersey. | ||
| He used to take me to some fucking lake and we'd go fishing like late at night. | ||
| It was so shifty back then, too. | ||
| It was like so dangerous. | ||
| I'm here with my old grandfather. | ||
| It's late at night because that's when we would catch the catfish. | ||
| So he took me to some creepy ass neighborhood late at night to catch fish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, casting out liver into this lake. | ||
| I pulled a 10-pound channel catfish out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| All brown and like a mud catfish. | ||
| That's crazy, man. | ||
| I do that. | ||
| I go fishing anywhere. | ||
| I think you might be able to go to Echo Park. | ||
| I don't know if anybody's pulling anything out of there. | ||
| There's that little pond over here in Calabass down the down. | ||
| You know, it's like in the middle of. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| Toluca Lake. | ||
| I think there's nothing in there. | ||
| There's another place. | ||
| There's a lake. | ||
| Lake shit. | ||
| I forgot the name of it. | ||
| Lake Arrowhead? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's the place. | ||
| Lake Arrowhead is Big Bear, right? | ||
| Yeah, that's one of the big ones. | ||
| Are you talking? | ||
| Those places, like, imagine living right there, like right on the lake, like a Big Bear or Lake Arrowhead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| That would be so dope. | ||
| And it's not just the fishing. | ||
| Like, I don't go and get upset if I don't catch. | ||
| Like, it's being out there. | ||
| It's the smell. | ||
| It's the stillness. | ||
| I want to go canoeing. | ||
| Have you guys ever used to go canoeing? | ||
| Canoeing seems ridiculous. | ||
| What? | ||
| That's so fun, man. | ||
| Going into a lake. | ||
| On the lake? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I'm not into some whitewater rafts. | ||
| I'm not talking about whitewater. | ||
| I'd like to go fishing out of a canoe. | ||
| I'd go do that. | ||
| I usually just wade. | ||
| I like where they drop you off in the car and you go for like, I don't know, like three hours. | ||
| And then there's a pickup point near the end. | ||
| It's just this huge journey of Ohio, it's all over. | ||
| There's like a lot of people. | ||
| It's like Kevin Bacon in Whitewater Summer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it used to be so fun. | ||
| It wasn't whitewater rafting, but there was parts where it was like, oh, here's some rapids. | ||
| The whole thing was buying a shitload of beer and drinking. | ||
| So we should go. | ||
| Being on a boat in a lake is the shit. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Just chilling, relaxing, floating on that boat, defying nature by being out there in the first place. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| I do ocean fishing once a year with my dad, and we'll go off in Sonata and we'll do a day trip. | ||
| And that's fun because that's hardcore sport fishing. | ||
| You're pulling out marlin tuna, you know, you name it, mackerel, 50 pounds. | ||
| Like, you're worn out by the end of the day. | ||
| But lately, I've gone back to the freshwater fishing of just chilling out there, making some dogs. | ||
| I get really nasty when people come to try to talk to me. | ||
| Back off. | ||
| I'm out here alone. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| You know, yeah, that's how I am. | ||
| Seriously, beat it, bro. | ||
| I didn't come to you. | ||
| Yeah, it is annoying when someone won't stop talking to you. | ||
| I don't mind the common fishing questions. | ||
| Hey, how'd it bite and what are you using? | ||
| Then beat it. | ||
| But not like, don't drop a chair, bro. | ||
| I left the city to get away from you. | ||
| Some people would just sit in and talk to you. | ||
| Yeah, my girlfriend, she's all mad at me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't give a fuck, bro. | |
| I hope you have face AIDS. | ||
| Let me fish. | ||
| Ocean fishing is pretty dope, but there's something about like still water. | ||
| Like when you're, especially with like a topwater lure or a fly, then you cast a fly on still water and just give it a little twitch and that trout comes up and blasts it. | ||
| And you're like, oh shit. | ||
| Yeah, I love that shit. | ||
| We should go, man. | ||
| Let's go fishing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's do it. | |
| Let's do it. | ||
| I've been wanting to go hunting for a long time and I'd set it on my message board. | ||
| Oh, these fucking vegan, fucking weirdo hippie dudes wigged out. | ||
| You would never go hunting? | ||
| You would if you had to eat. | ||
| If I had to eat, yeah, but if you were living on a ranch and there was some fucking dude, don't be a dick hunter. | ||
| Hop it. | ||
| Field dress it and use every possible thing. | ||
| I'll hunt birds. | ||
| I'll do the bird shit hunting, ducks and shit. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I used to hunt as a kid. | ||
| I used to shoot things. | ||
| I just got sick of it. | ||
| I saw a rabbit out in your front yard. | ||
| My mind was like, where's my red rider baby? | ||
| I got really blasted. | ||
| Did you eat them? | ||
| Yeah, I used to eat them. | ||
| How good is a rabbit? | ||
| Pretty gamey, pretty lean. | ||
| If you figured it's like venison, when you eat that kind of stuff, any kind of fast-moving animal is always going to be very tough. | ||
| Did you have to make a stew or something like that? | ||
| That's what you marinated for about three or four days and then ended up making like a stew. | ||
| Three or four days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really let it sit in there. | ||
| You could just throw the bunny in the crock pot. | ||
| Field dress it, throw it right in there in the fridge and let it sit in that seven. | ||
| It was jackrabbit. | ||
| This same subject came up yesterday when I was on the Adam Corolla show. | ||
| We were talking about cooking your own food and hunting and gathering your own food and how some people are so opposed to it, even though they eat meat. | ||
| Yeah, so stupid. | ||
| We're so weird as human beings. | ||
| We're in this weird stage of getting past being an animal and all the shit that's connected to being an animal, like killing food and causing suffering in order so that you survive. | ||
| We've so separated ourselves from all that shit. | ||
| It's like we've become some weird thing outside of nature that connects to nature. | ||
| We have like agents that do the nature thing for us. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| You see all these now these documentaries on exposing how your meat is made. | ||
| I've watched everyone and it's just like wow, okay, but I still got to eat meat because I get it, but I won't eat that kind of meat. | ||
| Like now I get the whole purpose of going to a ranch and buying fresh farm shit. | ||
| Hey, Taco Bell the other day, and I knew that study that it's not even meat, but I still ate it. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Fillers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They said it's fillers. | |
| Fillers of cardboard or something. | ||
| You know, the thing is, it's like I don't eat the fast food, but it's like I would like, I would be a hunter if I lived out in Montana and I would field dress it and use every part the right way like a real hunter does. | ||
| I have nothing against that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm not doing drive-bys on fucking deer and just leaving them out there. | ||
| Well, the thing is if you use it, right? | ||
| I'm all for it. | ||
| You really do have to kill them and people need to wrap their heads around that because otherwise you're going to have a massive amount of predators and starvation. | ||
| Hunting keeps the population. | ||
| Go to West Virginia, go to these places where they're like, fuck deer. | ||
| Fuck deer. | ||
| You need to wait for hunting season to come. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, in Colorado, man, you have to be careful everywhere you drive, especially when in Boulder, because in Boulder, no one shoots them, and they're in the mountains. | ||
| So, you know, you're in a town, so no one's shooting these deer. | ||
| So they're fucking everywhere. | ||
| And everywhere you go, you got to make sure some asshole deer doesn't jump out in front of the road and slam into your car. | ||
| You ever been to Alaska? | ||
| Had that happen with the moose there? | ||
| No, I heard that. | ||
| That's going to be crazy. | ||
| Oh my God, I saw moose everywhere. | ||
| And it's like, sure enough, one was standing in the road when we were leaving to go to the airport. | ||
| Are they dangerous? | ||
| Well, they won't attack you, but they're so tall that their knees are at basically the top of your car. | ||
| So when you hit them, you're going to bring this, you know, 2,000 pounds is going to come rushing right near your windshield. | ||
| They're perfectly set up to come in and kill you. | ||
| And that's what happens is they come in and just, you hit them and they fall into the cab of your car. | ||
| You just get crushed. | ||
| They're enormous, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like before the elephant. | |
| They're an elephant falling on you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, they're massive animals. | ||
| I mean, they're territorial. | ||
| They'll come after you if they have to, but they're like deer. | ||
| A deer will fuck you up if it has to, but nine times out of ten, it'll just bail. | ||
| Yeah, do they have like special bumpers that they put on trucks and shit out there to make sure that they attack those elk? | ||
| Same idea as like a deer guard, but raised up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like the T guards on the back of a semi. | ||
| I think same idea, but on the top of your thing. | ||
| Do they have deer guards? | ||
| They do. | ||
| A lot of deer guards. | ||
| Really? | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| Dude, Alaska, have you been there? | ||
| No. | ||
| That was a fascinating place, man. | ||
| It must be. | ||
| It was a very fascinating place. | ||
| It was a comedy there sometimes. | ||
| I would love to, but Doug Stanhope decided that the people are too stupid there. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, that's all you need to know. | ||
| Doug will do any goddamn crowd. | ||
| I guess that Doug will pull up into a bar. | ||
| There's not a chair to be found in a half a mile radius. | ||
| Everyone's standing, piss drunk, and Doug will be up there, you know, no one wants to fuck your kid on my space. | ||
| Literally going through his act, and he's got no problem, and he stopped going to Alaska. | ||
| I don't know what the exact details were, but we used to go there and party all the time enough. | ||
| Per Luca Polanka and Wheels Parisi were doing that gig. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| This was probably six, seven years ago, but it was a great gig. | ||
| Paid good. | ||
| I'm sure there's a lot of cool people in Alaska. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I met cool people from Alaska. | ||
| It was strange, bro. | ||
| The number of knuckleheads. | ||
| It was strange. | ||
| It was a very strange place. | ||
| It was cool, like a lot of cool stuff to do. | ||
| They're all like excited to tell you that they all know how to fly planes. | ||
| They're all, you know, they eat moose jerky. | ||
| They do all this crazy shit. | ||
| But then they do really crazy shit like sniff oxycontin and look at you like you're the weirdo when you don't. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, like that kind of shit. | ||
| A lot of pill heads up there. | ||
| A lot of pill heads. | ||
| Northern exposure. | ||
| What's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Nothing to do there. | ||
| Hunt and fuck. | ||
| Wasn't like the mother-in-law of Bristol Palin's baby daddy, wasn't she busted for selling meth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Junior. | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| You know, Wasilla and Wasilla. | ||
| You know, that crazy bitch. | ||
| I played with Her husband, Sarah Palin's husband, who was friends with the guy who owned the radio station we did in Anchorage. | ||
| Bob was friends with him. | ||
| You played pool with him. | ||
| Played pool with him, but I didn't know it till years later. | ||
| This was six, seven years ago. | ||
| Did he seem like he was gay? | ||
| It didn't seem like anything because he didn't matter to me. | ||
| He still had the same kind of like goatee and hair, you know, that looked very suspicious, you know, like the look that he rocks. | ||
| And you think his look was like, the way you say suspicious, you mean like disingenuous? | ||
| No, very mid-90s, very out of place for the year 2006, as it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Off. | ||
| It was like either he's a time traveler or out of style. | ||
| What do you, when you, do you, are you the type of guy that like when you see a powerful woman with some guy behind her who's not really talking that much, do you just automatically assume that he's a bitch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And not to be a pig or nothing, but yeah, I do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I do. | ||
| When I see a really powerful woman, I want to see what's this guy like. | ||
| Is he more powerful or is he less? | ||
| Well, see, Stedman might be more powerful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Oprah's man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you think? | |
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| I think he's, isn't he pretty rich? | ||
| Is he? | ||
| On his own, yeah. | ||
| He's pretty. | ||
| He can't be rich like Oprah rich. | ||
| I don't think nobody's Oprah rich. | ||
| Oh, I'm so glad we got to talk about Oprah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah? | |
| What? | ||
| We talked about Kitty, so now we can talk about Oprah. | ||
| I just love it when Joe talks Oprah. | ||
| I watch the Oprah show sometimes. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| He subscribes to O. Do you like her? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, I think she's interesting. | ||
| I don't think she's a bad person. | ||
| She's a good person. | ||
| She's spreading positive energy, and she's an easy target. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you bang her, Joe Rogan? | |
| No. | ||
| Her or Ellen. | ||
| Her or Ellen? | ||
| Who would I bang? | ||
| I'd bang Oprah, I think. | ||
| Oprah? | ||
| Yeah, because she would probably. | ||
| It's a billion dollar pussy. | ||
| She would probably like it. | ||
| It's billion dollar plus. | ||
| Or Ellen would probably be angry at me. | ||
| I mean, that is assuming that Oprah is truly homosexual. | ||
| Heterosexual, rather. | ||
| That would be hot, though. | ||
| Like, you know, Ellen's like, I don't want this dick and break. | ||
| You're taking this thing. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| You've got a different thing that turns you on, buddy. | ||
| Any chick that, well, you know, there's two types of lesbians. | ||
| There's lesbians by genetics or lesbians by circumstance. | ||
| And lesbians by life, you know, lesbians by abusive men. | ||
| And those are the scary ones. | ||
| Not scary, but sad. | ||
| I should say sad. | ||
| I've met a lot of girls. | ||
| They just met so many fucking asshole men from their father all the way down to every fucking guy they've ever attracted. | ||
| And they're just like, fuck men. | ||
| I need accompaniment. | ||
| My girl's always been there for me. | ||
| And you hug this girl. | ||
| Next thing you know, you're a lesbian. | ||
| Nothing wrong with that, man. | ||
| Or, you know, I think women are much more open to the idea of experimenting. | ||
| And, you know, and then maybe they find that they like women better. | ||
| And it's something that most straight men would never do. | ||
| It's open. | ||
| I mean, even if you're a girl, you'd have to admit that, you know, puss is spectacular looking. | ||
| Boobs. | ||
| Yeah, and there's rubber dicks. | ||
| I'm sure they're happy with that. | ||
| Just dip it in water, hot water, make it warm. | ||
| Shove it in there. | ||
| I think it's a real dick. | ||
| Is it gay to show another guy how much sperm that they made today? | ||
| Like a picture. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| Don't show dudes your loads. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Unless they're in the business. | ||
| Click, click. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Air quotes. | ||
| Never mind that. | ||
| Do you send loads? | ||
| No, I took a picture today's one because I didn't have sex yesterday, and I just to show how much came out today. | ||
| Do you want to show one of your friends your loads? | ||
| No, I showed it to my girlfriend, and she was like, wow, that's crazy. | ||
| And it is crazy. | ||
| And I was going to show you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| Wait, you showed it to her because you jerked off on your own? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Because she was at work. | ||
| And I was like, hey, fellas, I was going to show you, but it's gay, right? | ||
| That's gay. | ||
| That's worse than showing your poop, right? | ||
| You need to go to a doctor. | ||
| It's just like coming out of your body. | ||
| Is it gay because it's coming out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird. | |
| I've never shown any pictures of your shit either unless they're spectacularly huge. | ||
| Yeah, I had a wrap around. | ||
| This is a huge amount of comb. | ||
| It's surprising. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Eating a lot of egg whites or something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Eating healthy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Taking zinc? | ||
| No. | ||
| Any supplements? | ||
| Sushi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sushi. | |
| The sushi will do it. | ||
| There's a lot of zinc. | ||
| A lot of heavy metals as well. | ||
| I'll be careful. | ||
| I believe they drove Jeremy Pippin crazy. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Didn't he have to get out of some sort of a show because of that? | |
| Mercury overdose. | ||
| Mercury overdose? | ||
| It's fucking real shit, man. | ||
| I used to eat anchovies every week. | ||
| I used to eat five, six cans of anchovies. | ||
| And then I got my blood work done. | ||
| The doctor said there's arsenic in my blood. | ||
| Not much, but a little bit. | ||
| And I go, what the fuck? | ||
| Someone trying to poison me? | ||
| And he's like, no, it's a heavy metal. | ||
| Have you been eating a lot of seafood? | ||
| And I said, yeah. | ||
| I eat a lot of sardines. | ||
| He's like, don't eat the sardines for a while. | ||
| We'll do another test. | ||
| And I'm clean. | ||
| It's arsenic. | ||
| Arsenic from food. | ||
| Food is like that too, right? | ||
| That's how the oceans are so goddamn polluted, man. | ||
| There's that gigantic patch of garbage that's floating somewhere in the middle of the Pacific. | ||
| And there's not just one. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| And it's underwater. | ||
| It's not just on the surface. | ||
| There's like a fuckload of it underwater. | ||
| And they're enormous now. | ||
| They're almost the exact size of the United States. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's an inhabitable. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It used to be the size of Texas. | ||
| And the latest one, when they said it was almost the size of the United States. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's the scariest thing ever. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| All this shit that came from fucking Tokyo is all added to that too, by the way. | ||
| Or from Japan, rather. | ||
| All that shit that got washed away in the earthquake, the tsunami, that stuff's out at sea. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of fucking debris out at sea. | ||
| They're finding houses, actual full houses floating in the ocean. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure. | ||
| And way out there, too. | ||
| And they've had, what, three, seven pluses in. | ||
| It's so crazy that someone decided to put a goddamn series of nuclear reactors on fault lines. | ||
| People are so silly. | ||
| It's like the earth could move, but then again, it might not. | ||
| It's man's, you know, it's when people start to say this God stuff and they start to be like, look, look at the, and, you know, it's like, no, there is no God. | ||
| It's just Mother Nature being itself. | ||
| And we went and did something stupid, you know? | ||
| Yeah, we did something. | ||
| Well, that is Mother Nature, though. | ||
| We are insanely curious, and we have this weird desire to test the boundaries and our limitations. | ||
| Yeah, to tame Mother Nature and also to pull off the next new thing, to be able to get power out of this gigantic building that fills up the entire city. | ||
| It's just some, you mean, literally, they're harnessing the power of the fucking sun inside this facility and containing it somehow or another. | ||
| You know, and the real problem is, I mean, they've made some, you know, some safeguards and shit and make things a little bit, they can contain situations a little bit better. | ||
| But clearly, they didn't think of every possible scenario. | ||
| They didn't think of a nine. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They didn't think of a nine that rattled for five minutes. | ||
| Because when you think of that and you think of a nine, you have to consider if you're putting out a budget for something, how often does a nine happen? | ||
| Not too often. | ||
| So we can't appeal, we can't pay for the worst possible scenario. | ||
| We have to pay for a pretty bad one. | ||
| What a colossal fuck up. | ||
| That's another reason to get the fuck out of California because there's all sorts of faults and there's all sorts of fucking reactors. | ||
| There's one in Orange County. | ||
| Anything over an eight, we got a big problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's scary shit, man. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| That's the cost of living somewhere where it's 75 degrees every day. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not 75 degrees every day in Japan. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know what the deal is over there, you know. | ||
| Not in that spot, I don't think. | ||
| The coolest shit. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Yeah, they do have a lot of shit. | ||
| Yeah, this is another subject that we talked about yesterday on the Corolla show: that this is the exact perfect place geographically, as far as like climate. | ||
| You can't get any better. | ||
| But as far as like the worth of human beings, because there's so many of us, you know, it becomes, people becomes less valuable and they become more aggressive toward each other and more shitty to each other. | ||
| There's way more cool people because there's so many of us because of just sheer numbers. | ||
| I mean, this podcast is absolute proof of that. | ||
| One of the coolest things about this podcast to me is like it reunites me and like makes me realize how many interesting fucking people I know, how many cool friends I have that can come over and we have these cool conversations and then this goes out into the internet and the whole world gets it. | ||
| It's like there's not that many people that have, you know, Freddie Lockhart's and Sam Tripoli's and all these different characters and Duncan Trussells and, you know, and Kevin Pereira. | ||
| There's all these different cool people and Joey and Ari in their life. | ||
| I mean, there's so many of them. | ||
| You know, and part of that is because we're living in this giant population center and it's very show big centric. | ||
| So, you know, everyone's attracted to this spot. | ||
| It's one of the few things that keeps me here, really. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I mean, it becomes like a way of life after a while and you really can't leave it because when I'm outside of Weirdoville, I find the normal people to be extremely weird. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I find the wants and desires of my friends when I go back, when I go back to Arizona and I hang out with some of my friends, some of them have their youth and they still have kids and they have family, but they maintain their youth. | ||
| But most of them just turn into their parents. | ||
| And it's a really weird thing to me that like they say the apex of their life is over and now it's just kind of like going through the motions where I still like to think the best is yet to come. | ||
| Well you have a different career than that. | ||
| You have a regular career. | ||
| You're a guy who sells Buicks, whatever the fuck you are. | ||
| But when people add you on Facebook, how crazy different do they look like than us? | ||
| You know, like people adding me to Facebook from high school and stuff. | ||
| I'm like, holy shit, that looks like my dad's friends now. | ||
| Yeah, well, those poor fucks have to work for a living, bro. | ||
| Those poor fucks are out there. | ||
| I mean, visually. | ||
| Visually, they just look like stressed. | ||
| 20 or 30 years older, dude. | ||
| Dude, look at Obama. | ||
| Look at what he looks like now as opposed to what he looks like. | ||
| Yeah, dude, look at Bush when Bush got into office. | ||
| And then towards the end, look at Clinton. | ||
| Clinton's whole head of hair went gray by the time he was out. | ||
| I mean, that shit ages you. | ||
| Any extreme stress ages you and your stress level compared to a guy with a real job is ridiculously low. | ||
| Mine is ridiculously low. | ||
| Yeah, I guess you're right about that. | ||
| I don't stress about a whole lot to the point. | ||
| Even the point where I've gotten, you know, I have time to. | ||
| I stress all the time though. | ||
| Even if it's not an important stress. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You need to stop doing that because your life is easy as fuck. | ||
| Even when my life is hard, like the difficult shit about my life is all just requires preparation. | ||
| There's no stress because I actually enjoy doing it. | ||
| The real stress comes from something that you don't enjoy doing it, but it requires an extreme amount of preparation, an extreme amount of time. | ||
| And you put all this effort into something you don't even like and you're just doing it just for money. | ||
| You know, like if you're a lawyer and you don't like being a lawyer, you're just doing it because there's a lot of money in it, that will fucking break you. | ||
| And I think that's, at the end of the day, that's what brought us all here is we have that childlike thing in us that says, I want to do this thing I always wanted to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See it through. | ||
| Yeah, you have to be completely childlike to believe you could actually pull it off. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid, I was dating this girl. | ||
| I was 21. | ||
| She was a really nice girl. | ||
| Her name was Jennifer, and she was a sweetheart. | ||
| And we were both really young and really stupid. | ||
| And, you know, she was just getting out of college and I was a psychopath. | ||
| And her father did not want her hanging around with me because she was like, he's trying to be a comedian. | ||
| What are the odds that he's going to make it? | ||
| Like, this kid is not going to mean he's going to be a loser. | ||
| And I remember sitting and thinking about it, going, wow, I never even considered that. | ||
| Right, right, yeah. | ||
| I'm just going to do this, man. | ||
| I'm just going to do this. | ||
| Like, I'm going to do it. | ||
| What if you fail? | ||
| What if you do? | ||
| What if you feel, maybe, I don't know. | ||
| Right now, I got to just do this. | ||
| I got a show in Peabody. | ||
| I got to fucking get some gas in my tank. | ||
| I'm not thinking about not doing it, man. | ||
| I might fuck up. | ||
| I might fail. | ||
| Yeah, I'm terrified of being a loser. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| But I'm not going to just sit here and dwell on it. | ||
| I'm going to go for it. | ||
| Most people would not be a comedian. | ||
| They want predictability in their lives, and they want their lives to be mapped out for them. | ||
| And it's like I live day to day. | ||
| I literally live day to day. | ||
| I literally get up and say, what is today offer? | ||
| This is going to be great. | ||
| My girlfriend, she's a sweetheart, but she stresses all the time. | ||
| Always sure the sky is falling and all that. | ||
| And I have to have a fucking. | ||
| Well, we're all built, designed, engineered by the universe and nature and our own personal experiences. | ||
| We're all different. | ||
| We're just fucking different. | ||
| And you're not supposed to be a physicist. | ||
| You're not supposed to be teaching at Harvard. | ||
| You're not supposed to be working on molecular science and breaking down the universe. | ||
| You're not. | ||
| I'm not supposed to be doing it either. | ||
| I'm supposed to be a comedian. | ||
| I mean, it's really simple. | ||
| I mean, this is what my personality gels the best with. | ||
| And, you know, some people's, it's the most terrifying thing in the world to go on. | ||
| I mean, you know, we got shows this weekend in Philadelphia, one of the wildest fucking towns. | ||
| Everything's sold out in advance. | ||
| We're going to go there. | ||
| They're going to be fucking crazy. | ||
| It's me, Joey Diaz, and Ari. | ||
| We're going to be at Helium and Philly. | ||
| For some people, that would be unbelievably terrifying. | ||
| The idea that you're going to go there, there's going to be this packed show of people anticipating your material, wanting you to make them laugh, paying to see you talk, and they're going to be drinking. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| But to a lot of people, that idea is horrifying. | ||
| If you went to any town hall or town hall, when the fuck, what am I even talking about? | ||
| Go into any store and take some guy who's working behind the counter, you know, who's a cashier, and say, okay, we were going to, you need, you got one day to come up with a bunch of shit to say, and then you're going to go on stage in front of these rabid animals in some comedy club in Philadelphia. | ||
| That'd be the most terrifying thing in the world. | ||
| But for you, I'm telling you, as I'm telling you, you're getting this big smile. | ||
| You're getting excited. | ||
| I'm like, oh man, that sounds like fun. | ||
| Yeah, look at you. | ||
| You're thinking about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But that's the thing. | |
| It's like, yeah, you're supposed to be doing this. | ||
| I've been doing this for so long that it's like, that's super exciting to me. | ||
| And it's like, you know, I'll meet people, like, they'll hang out with you before your show or something. | ||
| Like, aren't you nervous? | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| What about? | ||
| What about your show tonight? | ||
| And you're not even thinking it. | ||
| I wouldn't think about my show until it's time to go to the show. | ||
| People do, they don't realize that. | ||
| You would get nervous if it was your first time ever on stage and you'd never done it before. | ||
| But once you do it a bunch of times, it becomes a thing you do. | ||
| You get excited. | ||
| You make sure you do your preparation and then you don't get nervous. | ||
| Yeah, granted, there's that fight or flight feeling right before I go to stage. | ||
| Butterflies let me know I'm a human and I'm alive. | ||
| I've harnessed it and I take that adrenaline and make it happy time instead of, you know, and that's like, I think we talked about it last time, that adrenaline is what prevents you from farting, sneezing, having to puke on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| All those shits. | ||
| Shut down, peeing, and you just go right into fight or flight where you have to be focused, focused, focused, focused. | ||
| I've never had to stop a show because I had to pee. | ||
| Never had a pee, never had to poop, never had to die. | ||
| I'm lactose intolerant. | ||
| I could be up there drinking milk, and I won't have to stop the show. | ||
| Everything shuts down. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| It's a strange way to make a living, isn't it? | ||
| It is, but it's the only way I know in my entire adult life. | ||
| And we're all here on this West Coast hanging on, trying to make it happen. | ||
| Trying to put that fucking entertainment thing together in the perfect way and make all those fucking pieces fall into place and boom. | ||
| Leave your mark. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Freddie Lockhart. | ||
| Follow him on Twitter. | ||
| Follow me on Twitter. | ||
| F-R-E-D-D-Y. | ||
| Not I-E like some fucking run-of-the-mill Freddy douchebag. | ||
| This is F-R-E-D-D-Y-L-O-C-K-H-A-R-T. | ||
| That's Freddie Lockhart, bitches. | ||
| Respect the greatest Morgan Freeman and Iced T impressionists in the world. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you for having me. | ||
| I just said that. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You're 100%. | ||
| You're the number one. | ||
| No one can fuck with you. | ||
| We got to do some gigs together, man. | ||
| I like when Joe Rogan says these kind of things. | ||
| We're going to do some gigs together. | ||
| I like them. | ||
| We got to fish together. | ||
| We're going to go fishing too. | ||
| We're going to make it all happen. | ||
| Follow Freddie on Twitter. | ||
| We'll be back tomorrow, same time, 3 o'clock. | ||
| I don't even know who the fuck August is. | ||
| I have to make some calls. | ||
| We got Sal's comedy haul tomorrow. | ||
| Sal's comedy haul tomorrow night at 8 p.m. | ||
| Freddy might show up. | ||
| And I'm doing a lot of road gigs, so I might not be doing it for a while after that. | ||
| This week might be my last one because I can't do next week. | ||
| Freddy's going to show up. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| Fleshlight, if you go to jorogan.net and click the link, and you get 15% off if you enter in the code name Rogan and you get to pay off and save a little money. | ||
| Can you board my new state fan? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Please come out to Stand Up Scottsdale in Scottsdale, Arizona, April 21st and 22nd. | ||
| I'll be headlining there. | ||
| Come out, Standup Scottsdale. | ||
| Go to standupscottsdale.com. | ||
| Powerful. | ||
| And do you have a website you didn't go to? | ||
| I have a website I can go to, FreddieLockhart.com, which will take you to my Facebook page. | ||
| So go to my Facebook page. | ||
| It's all on that, on my fan page. | ||
| Powerful. | ||
| Powerful Freddie Lockhart. | ||
| As of today, there was only a couple tickets left, but we added a show Thursday night in Philly at Helium. | ||
| I don't know if they're gone yet, but if they're not, hop on it. | ||
| So we're there all weekend, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. | ||
| Everything else is sold out. | ||
| Joey Diaz and Ari Shafir. | ||
| It's a full death squad minus Brian because he's going to be here shooting loads and taking pictures of you. | ||
| And so we'll see you guys tomorrow. | ||
| Thank you very much for tuning in. | ||
| Appreciate it. | ||
| Love you, bitches. | ||
|
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Thanks. |
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