March 31, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
06:49
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Just give me like a... | ||
| Right now? | ||
| We're on Ustream right now? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| We're live. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link that says Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, you get 15% off. | ||
| Alright, and with that said, buckle up bitches. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Joe Diaz is in the motherfucking house. | ||
| Hell yeah! | ||
| A lot of people have been saying, you know, this song is just not befitting of such a fucking dynamic podcast. | ||
| Why you got some fucking fruity-tooty tunes playing there? | ||
| Why don't you got some... | ||
| Because we don't want... | ||
| First of all, we don't want the song to overshadow the show. | ||
| What if the song is better than the show? | ||
| And you're like, why don't you fuck stop talking and play some more of that groovy music you were just hitting me with? | ||
| Joe Diaz is in the motherfucking house, bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up, baby? | |
| That's all you need to know. | ||
| Forget about that goddamn opening music. | ||
| Don't be trippin'. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| Don't be trippin', people. | ||
| Don't get your shit together, kids. | ||
| The best is when somebody complains about that song and then they send you their, like, keyboard... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh... | |
| They're songs of death. | ||
| And they'll send it to you a thousand times. | ||
| Just like Casey, you didn't get it the first 50,000 times when I sent it. | ||
| This is a new one. | ||
| I've put some echo to the drums. | ||
| It's a little bit different now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| I'm ready to leave, Joe Diaz. | ||
| If this fucking earthquake comes, I'm gone, baby. | ||
| Back to the mountains with the full posse. | ||
| Load them up in the Lexus, leave everything behind, Hollabert. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What locations could still get hit in this country? | |
| You got San Francisco, Oregon, California, Nashville. | ||
|
unidentified
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What other points is the fault on that we... | |
| Well, there's other faults. | ||
| There's a fault near New York. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, there's a fault near New York. | |
| Yeah, there's a bunch of faults, man. | ||
| It's like, here's the deal, honestly. | ||
| We know what moves on a regular basis, but that doesn't preclude things from moving on a unique basis. | ||
| There could be some fucking new shit that happens anyway. | ||
| We don't have this shit wired. | ||
| We don't know what the hell's going on. | ||
| There's some recent study where these scientists are going to drill into the Earth's mantle all the way through to the fucking core. | ||
| They're trying to figure out how to do it. | ||
| They're like little kids. | ||
| It's like, well, we know we can't use a regular drill because it'll melt. | ||
| So they're trying to figure out how the fuck they're going to get a drill that drills all the way down to the mantle. | ||
| And you ask them, why? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Is there leprechauns down there? | ||
| They're going to give you gold? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Is there aliens down there that are going to suck your dick? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Why are you drilling down to the mantle? | ||
| Because people are silly fucks. | ||
| And we just want to see what's up. | ||
| We just want to see what's up. | ||
| We want to try. | ||
|
unidentified
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Sometimes you've got to dig a hole to find something. | |
| Yeah, but what the fuck, man? | ||
| What if they dig a hole through the Earth's mantle and the Earth becomes like a fucking balloon with a hole in it and just goes flying around the galaxy? | ||
| What if lava shoots out of it like a balloon? | ||
| You know how you blow up a balloon and you let it go? | ||
| How about that? | ||
| What if the Earth becomes like that? | ||
| Like a balloon that doesn't, is not tied off at the end. | ||
| And the Earth flies around the galaxy all fucking haphazardly like a balloon. | ||
| What if we find out the Earth is really made out of rubber? | ||
| This whole mantle and all this other bullshit, this is just outside the balloon. | ||
| This is like the decoration on the balloon. | ||
| But if you pop that motherfucker, it will just fly around. | ||
| Yeah, we slam into Jupiter and shit. | ||
| We slam into other planets. | ||
| That's just the most fucked up thing about space is that occasionally planets hit each other. | ||
| Goddamn, son. | ||
| Could you imagine what kind of chaos there would be in this world if we saw a planet coming our way? | ||
| If you saw Mars. | ||
| Like, for sure, Mars is coming. | ||
| It might take five years, but it's going to hit the Earth and we're fucked and there's not a goddamn thing we can do to stop it. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| You see it in the sky. | ||
| It gets a little bigger every night. | ||
| By the time it got real close, people would be losing their fucking minds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It'd be a party. | |
| It'd be fucking great. | ||
| It wouldn't be a party. | ||
| You know what it'd be like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, like Road Warrior with knives and stabbing people. | |
| It would be like that scene in Event Horizon. | ||
| You remember that movie Event Horizon with Lawrence Fishburne? | ||
| You don't remember that? | ||
| Badass fucking science fiction movie. | ||
| Sam Shepard, and I think it's Sam Shepard, and Lawrence Fishburne, and it's about a spaceship that punches a hole through a wormhole. | ||
| They travel to a distant part in the galaxy by folding the space and time together like two pieces of paper, punching a hole through it and arriving on the other end. | ||
| But when they did that, they didn't realize that they actually went to hell. | ||
| So these guys get to this Event Horizon ship. | ||
| It comes back. | ||
| Everyone's dead. | ||
| And they get a video of the crew and the captain and everything. | ||
| They find out later in the movie what happened to them. | ||
| And they're pulling their own eyeballs out and screaming shit and laughing and killing each other and biting each other apart and cutting each other open. | ||
| That's what it's going to look like. | ||
| It's not going to be like, everyone's like, we're going to be fucking. | ||
| You're not going to be fucking, okay? | ||
| When there's Mars, it's like a hundred times bigger than the moon. | ||
|
unidentified
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Would you kill yourself? | |
| Maybe a thousand times. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck I would do. | ||
|
unidentified
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I think I would fucking kill myself. | |
| I would kill yourself. | ||
| I just close my fucking eyes and wish for the best. | ||
| I'm not tapping out that fucking easy. | ||
| Can you pull up that song, Dreamweaver? | ||
| Can you pull up that song right now? | ||
|
unidentified
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You're not pulling that song up. | |
| It's too early for that shit. | ||
| We gotta establish the show first. | ||
| You're gonna hit it with this game music and shit. | ||
| No, I wanna hear what you would do. | ||
| I wanna hear what you would do over that song. | ||
| No, I don't wanna do nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
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First of all, that shit wouldn't happen in our time. | |
| We got no fucking problems. | ||
| I just go home, stock up on some fucking herb, get some good books, and wait for the shit to drop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you going to do? | |
| You're going to get on the 405 with these fucking idiots? | ||
| What are you going to do, get on the 110? | ||
| Guys with helicopters will just be pissing in your head out of their helicopter laughing at you where you're stuck in this stupid grid. | ||
|
unidentified
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There won't be no fucking helicopters. | |
| There's haters in this fucking city. | ||
| They'll be shooting you down. | ||
| We're going, we're going, we're going. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's going to be fucking chaos. | |
| Yeah, you know, it's interesting. | ||
| People didn't really learn about human behavior from the Rodney King riots. | ||
| But that's what it should have taught you. | ||
| This is what's possible with something so simple as a verdict for someone who you don't even know, who you saw get beat up, and they let the cops go. | ||
| And these motherfuckers were going crazy, throwing rocks at white people, smashing their fucking... | ||
| And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was a racially charged issue. |
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