Feb. 15, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
16:04
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Oh. | ||
| Kicking it live. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Damn, these mics are hot as fuck. | ||
| Kicking it live from the Rogan compound with my man Ari Shafir. | ||
| Ari motherfucking Shafir is in the house, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| A-R-S-H-A-F-F-I-R. Follow him on Twitter. | ||
| Joe Diaz, Mad Flavor, a.k.a. | ||
| Planet Rock, a.k.a. | ||
| Joey Karate. | ||
| He's here as well. | ||
| Brian Reichel, Brian Redman, R-E-D-B-A-N. Who's singing this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whose song is it? | |
| What's going on now? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| It's background music. | ||
| Did you make that song, Brian? | ||
| No, it's my laptop. | ||
| Yeah, we did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, a combination between GarageBand and guitars. | |
| Yeah, we haven't been playing music. | ||
| We're trying to clean it up for satellite radio, which may or may not ever happen. | ||
| Hopefully it will. | ||
| Looks like it's happening. | ||
| Whatever, bitches. | ||
| Much respect to The Fleshlight, our sponsor, before we even get started, before we get groovy with you, bitches. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, what's that, buddy? | ||
| There's in the corner. | ||
| There's one of them. | ||
| They're all over the place. | ||
| There's one over here, too. | ||
| This house is littered. | ||
| Mrs. Rogan comes in there the other day and looks at all of them. | ||
| She goes, is there enough of these? | ||
| That's what she looks at them. | ||
| She goes, these? | ||
| That's how she looks at them. | ||
| This is like her competition that she has to accept. | ||
| Like little things that live in her house that I fuck. | ||
| This house is full of baby dolls and male dildos. | ||
| Yeah, what's up? | ||
| It's filled with child's toys and dick toys. | ||
| A big fat box of dick toys. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net and click the link for the flashlight, you go to their website, type in the word Rogan, you get 15% off. | ||
| So I'm looking out for you bitches, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm trying to get you some discounts on your masturbation. | ||
| Holler at me, Joe Diaz. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| If you can save 10 points and whack off at the same time, who's better than you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I'm saying? | |
| We had a good goddamn time last weekend in Vegas. | ||
| Holy shit, was that fun. | ||
| Yes, we did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| That was a good fucking time. | ||
| These guys dropped acid. | ||
| They were up in the... | ||
| They were up in the stands watching with big fucking smiles on their face. | ||
| I don't know when I found out that they dropped acid. | ||
| Did I find out at dinner? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I tweeted you during the UFC. Yeah, but I don't get tweets. | |
| I mean, text. | ||
| Texted me. | ||
| You texted me. | ||
| Yeah, so that's how I found out. | ||
| Did I respond to you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it was like the last half hour, right? | |
| No, you looked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You looked. | |
| No, that's when you turned up, I thought. | ||
| I'm trying to have him waved at us. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Then I must have known. | ||
| You know, we're sitting in the drawer. | ||
| Ari came over one day, and we're talking about something. | ||
| All of a sudden, I go, it's going to be great this weekend. | ||
| And as I'm talking to him, I open up the drawer, and I go, Ari, look. | ||
| And there were seven hits of acid. | ||
| Ari, what if we drop the acid? | ||
| And he's like, oh, I don't know. | ||
| And I go, every time somebody gets hit, we'll feel it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was the original fucking plan at first. | ||
| So then we were like, well, what do you think about Red Band? | ||
| Well, we don't know. | ||
| Then we're saying, man, we should fucking dose him. | ||
| Yeah, maybe we gotta put on some popcorn. | ||
| We'll just take him for the run. | ||
| And then we said, nah, because I know it's hard. | ||
| He'll have 911. Fuck it. | ||
| He's my little brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Acid's a little different. | |
| You don't want to dose somebody with acid. | ||
| I've made a decision just not to do it anymore in my life because I've gotten to a point where my brain, I just want to keep my brain a little bit together now. | ||
| A little bit together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stay stable. | |
| Let me tell you something about this stuff. | ||
| This stuff is very mild. | ||
| That was kid stuff. | ||
| Yeah, well, if you took two hits and you were still being able to sit there, then it had to be shaking. | ||
| Very mild. | ||
| Very mild. | ||
| It came in spurts and bursts. | ||
| It was very nice. | ||
| Up down, up down. | ||
| The lights fucked with you. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Voice fucked with you from time to time. | ||
| Buffer. | ||
| Buffer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He really vibrated you. | ||
| He's vibrated you. | ||
| And that video before the UFC starts. | ||
| Oh, that was powerful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There was a part where Ari looked over and goes, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. | |
| It was. | ||
| They did a good job on that thing. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| The UFC video when it first starts where it's like... | ||
| They sent it to the Who, American Teenage Wasteland. | ||
| Bob O'Reilly singing the song. | ||
| Yeah, they sent all the beats, all the punches to the drum hits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You realize how brilliant something is sometimes when you're high. | ||
| What is it about that? | ||
| Why do you have to get high to realize that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It seems silly. | ||
| When you're sitting there and you're straight at a UFC and it starts, and we're on such a Zufa and all that shit, you feel it. | ||
| When we did the acid, it was a different fucking level. | ||
| We felt everything. | ||
| Isn't it funny how you go to movies, and if you go to the movies and you're on acid or on pot or anything, you could see bad acting. | ||
| Yeah, really easily. | ||
| That's why we watched Domino that night. | ||
| That's why we sat there and watched Domino with fucking Mickey Rourke and Cara Knightling. | ||
| And it was interesting. | ||
| It was interesting. | ||
| It was from a different angle, you're watching acting. | ||
| So I'm sorry, I interrupted you. | ||
| So what were you saying? | ||
| You were saying that you guys are there, you're on acid, and then Bob O'Reilly starts playing. | ||
| If you've never seen it, never been to a live UFC, it's really brilliant. | ||
| Whoever edited it, it's like some of the highlights of some of the greatest fights ever, and it's all put together to The Who. | ||
| It's one of the greatest videos humans have ever seen. | ||
| It's the perfect volume to rip you apart. | ||
| You can hear it, but it doesn't really bother you. | ||
| Dana and I were watching that the other day, and I go, dude, I think I've seen this a fucking thousand times, and I still love it. | ||
| I never stop watching it. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| If you're there live ten minutes before the UFC actually starts, you have to be in your seat. | ||
| It's so good, too. | ||
| Whoever did it, you can tell that guy loves fights. | ||
| He nailed it. | ||
| The perfect beats to the perfect fucking punches and kicks. | ||
| It gets you pumped up, definitely, man. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you, it never wears out. | ||
| I've seen it hundreds of times. | ||
| I don't know how many times I've seen it. | ||
| I've seen it, I mean, every UFC start, I've done at least 100 UFCs. | ||
| And you're there. | ||
| You're not gone getting food when that's happening. | ||
| Yeah, because between spikes, between spike nights and regular UFCs, I think I've done over a hundred. | ||
| So I've been over a thousand fights. | ||
| Well, here's the best. | ||
| When you're there and you're tripping... | ||
| Like I said, when you're there as a civilian... | ||
| And all of a sudden it just goes from Bob O'Reilly and it locks down. | ||
| And all of a sudden you hear, and all of a sudden you just see a picture of Anderson Silva saying, when I go in that thing tonight, I'm going to knock his fucking mouth off. | ||
| Now, think about it on the acid. | ||
| Now his head just came out. | ||
| And I think it was Vito that said that came out first. | ||
| And it was just a fucking head talking along the streets. | ||
| I thought it was fucking Marlon Brando in Superman. | ||
| Remember when he had the fucking heads around him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was like, that's his fucking head. | |
| You're going down to New York City, cocksucker. | ||
| And they were judging him, and it was just heads. | ||
| Well, that's the brilliance about it. | ||
| That at one point in the UFC, as a civilian, it just gets very dark. | ||
| And also, it's just the perfect timing. | ||
| Also, you see your head pop out and go, tonight, I'm going to take him, pound him, submission. | ||
| You're like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
The crowd goes nuts. | |
| Yeah, you just go nuts. | ||
| And they keep showing little tidbits. | ||
| Then they show to Vidor. | ||
| Then they went to John Jones. | ||
| Then they went to Jake Ellensburg. | ||
| It was just so well done. | ||
| Every time I show a new fighter, the crowd explodes again. | ||
| And when you watch another sporting event now, it's so below that par. | ||
| I went to a Laker game last year against Wade Wade's team. | ||
| Miami Heat. | ||
| It was a fucking great game. | ||
| But there was a lot of lulls in it. | ||
| There's a lot of lows there. | ||
| At the UFC, even when Bruce Buffer says, do what you got to do. | ||
| Go for 22 fucking minutes. | ||
| You have a blast! | ||
| You go get a hot dog, right? | ||
| We argue. | ||
| Go get a fucking thing. | ||
| Go now! | ||
| Go now! | ||
| Have we up before the fucking game starts? | ||
| That's huge that they tell you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| That's courtesy! | ||
| And what that is, folks, for the folks that don't know, sometimes we have a certain amount of prelim cards, but then the main card starts at, say, like, 7 p.m. | ||
| And if the main card starts at 7 p.m., we have to have, if the prelims are all done... | ||
| Sometimes you've got 20 minutes before the fights are supposed to start. | ||
| So we don't start fights early. | ||
| We have to wait until pay-per-view starts. | ||
| Sometimes you get like five first-round knockouts in the early fights. | ||
| Yeah, and they're just like, ooh. | ||
| Yeah, and then we run out quick. | ||
| And it was weird because this particular UFC started off, I think, with Gabe Rudiger and whoever he fought. | ||
| And Paul Taylor. | ||
| And Paul Taylor, he got beat up fast. | ||
| And then Kingsley came out against Romero and hit him with violent gladiator fucking... | ||
| These! | ||
| To the body! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They were like fucking BAM! You could feel the thrust! | |
| And again, as a civilian, you could feel the fucking kidney strikes! | ||
| I can't have the acid! | ||
| I remember finding myself like this and also I looked around and I had to adjust myself. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Check yourself before you wreck yourself. | ||
| Plus, you're watching Kingsbury even when you're not high. | ||
| That dude's a specimen. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| A specimen shredded. | ||
| He's got like a fucking solid 12-pack. | ||
| He's got a 12-pack on his back. | ||
| He's one of those dudes. | ||
| Like, you look at his back, there's all these crazy striations in there. | ||
| He was a super athlete. | ||
| He was a linebacker. | ||
| He was a linebacker. | ||
| Those fucking... | ||
| Football players, man, they're on another level. | ||
| It's another level of athleticism. | ||
| And Kingsbury smashed that dude. | ||
| He's one of those guys, every time you see him, it's like he's been training for three years. | ||
| You know, he makes these leaps in a couple of months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| All those super athletes, man, the John Jones dudes, those guys, they make these giant leaps, you know? | ||
| There's some dudes that just get so good so quick. | ||
| When you watch Jon Jones, the first fight that he had, or even the fight with Stefan Bonner, yeah, he looked promising. | ||
| But Bonner made it to the distance. | ||
| I mean, he beat Bonner up and everything like that and did some wild stuff. | ||
| But people are like, wow, this kid's wild, he's unorthodox. | ||
| But then you see him now and you go, fuck, man, this kid is on another level. | ||
| Dude, the way he handled Brandon Vera. | ||
| I mean, his last fight just proved it. | ||
| Brian Bader's a fucking stud and he just manhandled that kid. | ||
| He was on top of him every time there was an exchange. | ||
| He was on top, controlling the position. | ||
| He was never remotely threatened. | ||
| And squeezing. | ||
| Yeah, that kid's a beast, man. | ||
| Ryan Bader is a fucking gorilla. | ||
| Dude, you just stand next to that guy. | ||
| He's one of the biggest 205ers out there. | ||
| And the fact that Jon Jones was able to handle him like that. | ||
| There was like a half second where there was like a scrum. | ||
| Like he tried to flip and didn't get him all the way over. | ||
| And then Jon Jones got out of that and it was done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And John Jones has two brothers and both of them are fucking football player bad motherfuckers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His whole family's got like super genes, you know? | ||
| When I was standing there that night, he had two brothers that are bigger than him. | ||
| I guess he has a baby brother or whatever. | ||
| In the 1975 NBA playoffs, one of those years, Darryl Dawkins, remember Darryl Dawkins? | ||
| He used to smash the backboards. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, he was 6'11", 290. I remember that. | ||
| And he got into a brawl with Maurice Lucas. | ||
| And all of a sudden they showed his family coming down from the stands. | ||
| And he had two brothers and his sister bigger than him. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And they were from fucking Florida. | ||
| You know, you were those motherfuckers. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| They were just throwing security at Portland. | ||
| They're all nice white people up there in Portland. | ||
| These four fucking fucking people were just throwing them. | ||
| Just throwing them, dog. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| Six foot 11. 11. Jesus Christ. | ||
| With smashing fiberglass... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Unheard of before. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| He would hang on them, just crush them. | ||
| They were glass, weren't they? | ||
| They were breaking them. | ||
| Super reinforced. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy was fresh out of the jungle as a fuck. | ||
| What the hell? | ||
| What did they do back then? | ||
| What? | ||
| When the glass breaks? | ||
| Do they stop the game? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop the game. | |
| They just roll it out and they roll another one out. | ||
| They get another one in. | ||
| Get the fuck out of it. | ||
| You get fined, yeah. | ||
| He got fined? | ||
| How much did he get fined? | ||
| I don't know, maybe 10 grand or something like that. | ||
| That's so worth it, though. | ||
| That's how we know about it. | ||
| You're a high life film. | ||
| Luckily, they don't all do that. | ||
| That would be so douchey if they all did it. | ||
| It's kind of a douchey move. | ||
| There's a way you can do it by accident. | ||
| You can do it by accident. | ||
| Shaq would just smash through it and he wouldn't be able to help. | ||
| There's something you can really try to break it. | ||
| Does Shaq smack him occasionally? | ||
| Yeah, but not on purpose. | ||
| He just fucking... | ||
| Brian, what's that crazy noise? | ||
| He's so hard down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm looking into it. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| He hasn't done it in a while, though. | ||
| He's so big, dude. | ||
| I met him a couple of times when I first met him at the UFC. He did an episode of Fear Factor with me, and he did the countdown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, like, three, two, one, go! | |
| You know, standing next to me, dude, it looked like... | ||
| It didn't even look like... | ||
| I mean, it looked like we were two totally different things. | ||
| We met him in Boston. | ||
| We ran into him at the hotel. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's true. | ||
| He's giant. | ||
| He's so big, man. | ||
| He's so big, it's ridiculous. | ||
| I feel like a little child, you know? | ||
| Well, this dude, Darryl Dawkins, played for the Sixers, and he got traded to the Nets. | ||
| And when he moved to New Jersey, he got hooked on a fucking powder. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| So the kid that would sell him the powder was the sneaker kid. | ||
| He was the ball kid on the nets at that time. | ||
| And this kid ran a tremendous scam because the players on contract, they'd take after every game, they'd put on new sneakers and they'd throw them away. | ||
| Really? | ||
| This kid would take every sneaker and take it into the city and sell it. | ||
| But one of his jobs as a ball boy was to get Darryl Dawkins powder. | ||
| That was it, Brian. | ||
| Whatever you did. | ||
| And we all met. | ||
| And I remember one night he took us to Daryl Dawkins' house. | ||
| Daryl Dawkins showed me a fucking Rolls Royce with a 14-month-fucking-carat dashboard. | ||
| No way. | ||
| A gold dashboard? | ||
| Bro, his dog was... | ||
| His daughter was a dog. | ||
| You have no fucking idea in those days. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Then his wife died later on. | ||
| He came back for a couple years there. | ||
| I went over to his house like three times. | ||
| He lived in Seacawks, New Jersey. | ||
| Big pimping! | ||
| With the motherfucking 14-carat dashboard and shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| That is ridiculous, dog. | ||
| You gotta love it, though. | ||
| What is it about black people and shiny things? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| They don't give a fuck, dog. | ||
| Don't live in a tent to have a fucking Rolls Royce with a 14. Their kids will starve. | ||
| As much as rock stars like to rock it and like to look badass, they don't go that deep. | ||
| They don't go diamonds. | ||
| I heard a theory on that. | ||
| It's that black people, rappers and stuff, they're just doing what they thought was rich when they were little. | ||
| So it's always them holding a bowl of sugar cereal and cars and hot booty women. | ||
| Yeah, but it's like, oh, this looks like rich stuff. | ||
| Rasheed Wallace got a urinal installed in his house. | ||
| Nothing wrong with that. | ||
| That's probably a good move. | ||
| Especially one of those splashless. | ||
| Save water. | ||
| They have like a little disc, a little UFO you piss on. | ||
| Somehow or another, it goes somewhere. | ||
| You don't have to rinse it with water. | ||
| Yeah, that's like the latest eco thing. | ||
| But it's been rejected by plumbers. | ||
| Plumbers don't like it because it cuts back on the maintenance, so they try to say it's unsanitary. | ||
| But in actuality, the other ones are more unsanitary. | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's been studies, Joe Diaz. | ||
| Studies on piss. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's talk about urine. | |
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| When I was a kid in the first house, I moved into North Bergen, a nice big one. | ||
| We had a fucking bidet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a bank in the show. | ||
| When I was about eight or nine or ten... | ||
| I used to go over there, take a shit in my mother's bathroom, turn the bidet on and hit you in the fucking face. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But then you put your little muffler on that bidet, you get that little hot water going. | ||
| That was the first time I ever had that little cranky in your little muffler. | ||
| But then you blast it hard. | ||
| Ooh, your asshole's spotless. | ||
| You could feel it shiny. | ||
| I was about 10. That's when my asshole used to shine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I'm saying? | |
| I use my bidet for carrying magazines. | ||
| You don't use it, though? | ||
| You never wash your hands? | ||
| Yeah, I got one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would use that shit every day. | |
| It's so much better than wetting toilet paper. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| It just seems so bizarre. | ||
| I am so sick of sticking to a bidet. | ||
| Seems un-American. | ||
| Seems like giving in to the French. | ||
| What am I doing here? | ||
| I'm not supporting my own. | ||
| What am I doing here? | ||
| What a roll of goddamn toilet paper is not enough for you, Rogan. | ||
| I feel like I'm not supporting my own bidet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I don't mind using toilet paper, but the bidet is nice to wash your ass in the middle of the day. | |
| It seems like a lot of a commitment. | ||
| When you wipe your butt, it's like, well, yeah, I know it's still stinky and gross, but it's not that much of a commitment. | ||
| Well, I use baby wipes. | ||
| Have you ever been about to fuck? | ||
| I wipe my butt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? |
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