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Feb. 15, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
16:04
Joe Rogan Experience #80 - Joey Diaz & Ari Shaffir
# vegas_ufc_event urine_studies ufc_pre-fight_video 14-carat_gold_dashboard 1975_portland_playoffs acid_experience anderson_silva bidet_usage black_culture_luxury bob_oreilly darryl_dawkins garageband jake_kingsbury joe_rogan joey_diaz john_jones marlon_brandos_superman_scene nba_backboard_smashing position_control pre-sex_hygiene rolls_royce ryan_bader the_fleshlight the_who toilet_paper_debate

Joey Diaz and Ari Shaffir recall tripping on acid at a UFC Vegas event, where Anderson Silva’s pre-fight interview appeared as a surreal floating head, mirroring Marlon Brando’s iconic Superman scene. Diaz praises the UFC’s cinematic pre-fight videos—edited to The Who’s music with Bob O’Reilly’s voice—calling them unmatched in sports spectacle. They celebrate fighters like John Jones (dominating "gorilla" Ryan Bader) and Jake Kingsbury, then pivot to Darryl Dawkins’ backboard-smashing NBA career and his gold-dashboarded Rolls Royce, a bold statement of black luxury. Rogan’s absurd yet nostalgic bidet anecdote contrasts with Shaffir’s blunt question about butt-wiping pre-sex, ending in uproarious laughter that underscores the episode’s unfiltered, chaotic energy blending sports, culture, and cringe humor. [Automatically generated summary]

Participants
Main
j
joe rogan
06:48
j
joey diaz
05:56
Appearances
a
ari shaffir
01:27
Clips
b
brian redban
00:17
|

Speaker Time Text
unidentified
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Oh.
Kicking it live.
Oh.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Damn, these mics are hot as fuck.
Kicking it live from the Rogan compound with my man Ari Shafir.
Ari motherfucking Shafir is in the house, ladies and gentlemen.
A-R-S-H-A-F-F-I-R. Follow him on Twitter.
Joe Diaz, Mad Flavor, a.k.a.
Planet Rock, a.k.a.
Joey Karate.
He's here as well.
Brian Reichel, Brian Redman, R-E-D-B-A-N. Who's singing this?
unidentified
Whose song is it?
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
What's going on now?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
What happened?
It's background music.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Did you make that song, Brian?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
No, it's my laptop.
Yeah, we did.
unidentified
Yeah, a combination between GarageBand and guitars.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, we haven't been playing music.
We're trying to clean it up for satellite radio, which may or may not ever happen.
Hopefully it will.
Looks like it's happening.
Whatever, bitches.
Much respect to The Fleshlight, our sponsor, before we even get started, before we get groovy with you, bitches.
If you go to JoeRogan.net, what's that, buddy?
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
There's in the corner.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
There's one of them.
They're all over the place.
There's one over here, too.
This house is littered.
Mrs. Rogan comes in there the other day and looks at all of them.
She goes, is there enough of these?
That's what she looks at them.
She goes, these?
That's how she looks at them.
This is like her competition that she has to accept.
Like little things that live in her house that I fuck.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
This house is full of baby dolls and male dildos.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, what's up?
It's filled with child's toys and dick toys.
A big fat box of dick toys.
If you go to JoeRogan.net and click the link for the flashlight, you go to their website, type in the word Rogan, you get 15% off.
So I'm looking out for you bitches, you know what I'm saying?
I'm trying to get you some discounts on your masturbation.
Holler at me, Joe Diaz.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
You know what I'm saying?
You gotta do what you gotta do.
If you can save 10 points and whack off at the same time, who's better than you?
unidentified
You know what I'm saying?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
We had a good goddamn time last weekend in Vegas.
Holy shit, was that fun.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Yes, we did.
unidentified
Nice.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
That was a good fucking time.
These guys dropped acid.
They were up in the...
They were up in the stands watching with big fucking smiles on their face.
I don't know when I found out that they dropped acid.
Did I find out at dinner?
unidentified
I tweeted you during the UFC. Yeah, but I don't get tweets.
I mean, text.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Texted me.
You texted me.
Yeah, so that's how I found out.
Did I respond to you?
unidentified
No, it was like the last half hour, right?
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
No, you looked.
unidentified
You looked.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
No, that's when you turned up, I thought.
I'm trying to have him waved at us.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Oh, okay.
Then I must have known.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
You know, we're sitting in the drawer.
Ari came over one day, and we're talking about something.
All of a sudden, I go, it's going to be great this weekend.
And as I'm talking to him, I open up the drawer, and I go, Ari, look.
And there were seven hits of acid.
Ari, what if we drop the acid?
And he's like, oh, I don't know.
And I go, every time somebody gets hit, we'll feel it.
unidentified
Yeah.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
That was the original fucking plan at first.
So then we were like, well, what do you think about Red Band?
Well, we don't know.
Then we're saying, man, we should fucking dose him.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, maybe we gotta put on some popcorn.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
We'll just take him for the run.
And then we said, nah, because I know it's hard.
He'll have 911. Fuck it.
He's my little brother.
unidentified
Acid's a little different.
You don't want to dose somebody with acid.
brian redban ▲ ● ▼
I've made a decision just not to do it anymore in my life because I've gotten to a point where my brain, I just want to keep my brain a little bit together now.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
A little bit together.
unidentified
Stay stable.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Let me tell you something about this stuff.
This stuff is very mild.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
That was kid stuff.
brian redban ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, well, if you took two hits and you were still being able to sit there, then it had to be shaking.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Very mild.
Very mild.
It came in spurts and bursts.
It was very nice.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Up down, up down.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
The lights fucked with you.
What's his name?
Voice fucked with you from time to time.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Buffer.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Buffer.
Yeah.
He really vibrated you.
He's vibrated you.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
And that video before the UFC starts.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Oh, that was powerful.
Yeah.
unidentified
There was a part where Ari looked over and goes, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
It was.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
They did a good job on that thing.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
What was it?
brian redban ▲ ● ▼
The UFC video when it first starts where it's like...
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
They sent it to the Who, American Teenage Wasteland.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Bob O'Reilly singing the song.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, they sent all the beats, all the punches to the drum hits.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Yeah.
You realize how brilliant something is sometimes when you're high.
What is it about that?
Why do you have to get high to realize that?
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
I don't know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
It seems silly.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
When you're sitting there and you're straight at a UFC and it starts, and we're on such a Zufa and all that shit, you feel it.
When we did the acid, it was a different fucking level.
We felt everything.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Isn't it funny how you go to movies, and if you go to the movies and you're on acid or on pot or anything, you could see bad acting.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, really easily.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
That's why we watched Domino that night.
That's why we sat there and watched Domino with fucking Mickey Rourke and Cara Knightling.
And it was interesting.
It was interesting.
It was from a different angle, you're watching acting.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
So I'm sorry, I interrupted you.
So what were you saying?
You were saying that you guys are there, you're on acid, and then Bob O'Reilly starts playing.
If you've never seen it, never been to a live UFC, it's really brilliant.
Whoever edited it, it's like some of the highlights of some of the greatest fights ever, and it's all put together to The Who.
It's one of the greatest videos humans have ever seen.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
It's the perfect volume to rip you apart.
You can hear it, but it doesn't really bother you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Dana and I were watching that the other day, and I go, dude, I think I've seen this a fucking thousand times, and I still love it.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
I never stop watching it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Love it.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
If you're there live ten minutes before the UFC actually starts, you have to be in your seat.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
It's so good, too.
Whoever did it, you can tell that guy loves fights.
He nailed it.
The perfect beats to the perfect fucking punches and kicks.
It gets you pumped up, definitely, man.
Dude, I'm telling you, it never wears out.
I've seen it hundreds of times.
I don't know how many times I've seen it.
I've seen it, I mean, every UFC start, I've done at least 100 UFCs.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
And you're there.
You're not gone getting food when that's happening.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, because between spikes, between spike nights and regular UFCs, I think I've done over a hundred.
So I've been over a thousand fights.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Well, here's the best.
When you're there and you're tripping...
Like I said, when you're there as a civilian...
And all of a sudden it just goes from Bob O'Reilly and it locks down.
And all of a sudden you hear, and all of a sudden you just see a picture of Anderson Silva saying, when I go in that thing tonight, I'm going to knock his fucking mouth off.
Now, think about it on the acid.
Now his head just came out.
And I think it was Vito that said that came out first.
And it was just a fucking head talking along the streets.
I thought it was fucking Marlon Brando in Superman.
Remember when he had the fucking heads around him?
unidentified
It was like, that's his fucking head.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
You're going down to New York City, cocksucker.
And they were judging him, and it was just heads.
Well, that's the brilliance about it.
That at one point in the UFC, as a civilian, it just gets very dark.
And also, it's just the perfect timing.
Also, you see your head pop out and go, tonight, I'm going to take him, pound him, submission.
You're like...
unidentified
The crowd goes nuts.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, you just go nuts.
And they keep showing little tidbits.
Then they show to Vidor.
Then they went to John Jones.
Then they went to Jake Ellensburg.
It was just so well done.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Every time I show a new fighter, the crowd explodes again.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
And when you watch another sporting event now, it's so below that par.
I went to a Laker game last year against Wade Wade's team.
Miami Heat.
It was a fucking great game.
But there was a lot of lulls in it.
There's a lot of lows there.
At the UFC, even when Bruce Buffer says, do what you got to do.
Go for 22 fucking minutes.
You have a blast!
You go get a hot dog, right?
We argue.
Go get a fucking thing.
Go now!
Go now!
Have we up before the fucking game starts?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
That's huge that they tell you.
unidentified
Yeah!
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
That's courtesy!
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
And what that is, folks, for the folks that don't know, sometimes we have a certain amount of prelim cards, but then the main card starts at, say, like, 7 p.m.
And if the main card starts at 7 p.m., we have to have, if the prelims are all done...
Sometimes you've got 20 minutes before the fights are supposed to start.
So we don't start fights early.
We have to wait until pay-per-view starts.
Sometimes you get like five first-round knockouts in the early fights.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, and they're just like, ooh.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, and then we run out quick.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
And it was weird because this particular UFC started off, I think, with Gabe Rudiger and whoever he fought.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
And Paul Taylor.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
And Paul Taylor, he got beat up fast.
And then Kingsley came out against Romero and hit him with violent gladiator fucking...
These!
To the body!
unidentified
They were like fucking BAM! You could feel the thrust!
And again, as a civilian, you could feel the fucking kidney strikes!
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
I can't have the acid!
I remember finding myself like this and also I looked around and I had to adjust myself.
What's going on?
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Plus, you're watching Kingsbury even when you're not high.
That dude's a specimen.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Oh my god.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
A specimen shredded.
He's got like a fucking solid 12-pack.
He's got a 12-pack on his back.
He's one of those dudes.
Like, you look at his back, there's all these crazy striations in there.
He was a super athlete.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
He was a linebacker.
He was a linebacker.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Those fucking...
Football players, man, they're on another level.
It's another level of athleticism.
And Kingsbury smashed that dude.
He's one of those guys, every time you see him, it's like he's been training for three years.
You know, he makes these leaps in a couple of months.
unidentified
Oh, really?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Yeah.
All those super athletes, man, the John Jones dudes, those guys, they make these giant leaps, you know?
There's some dudes that just get so good so quick.
When you watch Jon Jones, the first fight that he had, or even the fight with Stefan Bonner, yeah, he looked promising.
But Bonner made it to the distance.
I mean, he beat Bonner up and everything like that and did some wild stuff.
But people are like, wow, this kid's wild, he's unorthodox.
But then you see him now and you go, fuck, man, this kid is on another level.
Dude, the way he handled Brandon Vera.
I mean, his last fight just proved it.
Brian Bader's a fucking stud and he just manhandled that kid.
He was on top of him every time there was an exchange.
He was on top, controlling the position.
He was never remotely threatened.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
And squeezing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, that kid's a beast, man.
Ryan Bader is a fucking gorilla.
Dude, you just stand next to that guy.
He's one of the biggest 205ers out there.
And the fact that Jon Jones was able to handle him like that.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
There was like a half second where there was like a scrum.
Like he tried to flip and didn't get him all the way over.
And then Jon Jones got out of that and it was done.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
And John Jones has two brothers and both of them are fucking football player bad motherfuckers.
Yeah.
His whole family's got like super genes, you know?
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
When I was standing there that night, he had two brothers that are bigger than him.
I guess he has a baby brother or whatever.
In the 1975 NBA playoffs, one of those years, Darryl Dawkins, remember Darryl Dawkins?
He used to smash the backboards.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Right.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
You know, he was 6'11", 290. I remember that.
And he got into a brawl with Maurice Lucas.
And all of a sudden they showed his family coming down from the stands.
And he had two brothers and his sister bigger than him.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Oh, my God.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
And they were from fucking Florida.
You know, you were those motherfuckers.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Oh, my God.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
They were just throwing security at Portland.
They're all nice white people up there in Portland.
These four fucking fucking people were just throwing them.
Just throwing them, dog.
Huge.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Six foot 11. 11. Jesus Christ.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
With smashing fiberglass...
unidentified
Yeah.
Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Unheard of before.
I remember.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
You know what I'm saying?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
He would hang on them, just crush them.
They were glass, weren't they?
They were breaking them.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Super reinforced.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Yeah.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
That guy was fresh out of the jungle as a fuck.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
What the hell?
What did they do back then?
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
What?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
When the glass breaks?
Do they stop the game?
unidentified
Stop the game.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
They just roll it out and they roll another one out.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
They get another one in.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Get the fuck out of it.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
You get fined, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
He got fined?
How much did he get fined?
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
I don't know, maybe 10 grand or something like that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
That's so worth it, though.
That's how we know about it.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
You're a high life film.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Luckily, they don't all do that.
That would be so douchey if they all did it.
It's kind of a douchey move.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
There's a way you can do it by accident.
You can do it by accident.
Shaq would just smash through it and he wouldn't be able to help.
There's something you can really try to break it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Does Shaq smack him occasionally?
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, but not on purpose.
He just fucking...
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Brian, what's that crazy noise?
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
He's so hard down.
unidentified
I'm looking into it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Oh, okay.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
He hasn't done it in a while, though.
He's so big, dude.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
I met him a couple of times when I first met him at the UFC. He did an episode of Fear Factor with me, and he did the countdown.
unidentified
You know, like, three, two, one, go!
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
You know, standing next to me, dude, it looked like...
It didn't even look like...
I mean, it looked like we were two totally different things.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
We met him in Boston.
We ran into him at the hotel.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Oh, yeah, that's true.
He's giant.
He's so big, man.
He's so big, it's ridiculous.
I feel like a little child, you know?
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Well, this dude, Darryl Dawkins, played for the Sixers, and he got traded to the Nets.
And when he moved to New Jersey, he got hooked on a fucking powder.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Did he really?
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
So the kid that would sell him the powder was the sneaker kid.
He was the ball kid on the nets at that time.
And this kid ran a tremendous scam because the players on contract, they'd take after every game, they'd put on new sneakers and they'd throw them away.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Really?
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
This kid would take every sneaker and take it into the city and sell it.
But one of his jobs as a ball boy was to get Darryl Dawkins powder.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
That was it, Brian.
Whatever you did.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
And we all met.
And I remember one night he took us to Daryl Dawkins' house.
Daryl Dawkins showed me a fucking Rolls Royce with a 14-month-fucking-carat dashboard.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
No way.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
A gold dashboard?
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Bro, his dog was...
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
His daughter was a dog.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
You have no fucking idea in those days.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Wow.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Then his wife died later on.
He came back for a couple years there.
I went over to his house like three times.
He lived in Seacawks, New Jersey.
Big pimping!
With the motherfucking 14-carat dashboard and shit.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Wow.
That's ridiculous.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
That is ridiculous, dog.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
You gotta love it, though.
What is it about black people and shiny things?
unidentified
I don't know.
They don't give a fuck, dog.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Don't live in a tent to have a fucking Rolls Royce with a 14. Their kids will starve.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
As much as rock stars like to rock it and like to look badass, they don't go that deep.
They don't go diamonds.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
I heard a theory on that.
It's that black people, rappers and stuff, they're just doing what they thought was rich when they were little.
So it's always them holding a bowl of sugar cereal and cars and hot booty women.
Yeah, but it's like, oh, this looks like rich stuff.
Rasheed Wallace got a urinal installed in his house.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Nothing wrong with that.
That's probably a good move.
Especially one of those splashless.
Save water.
They have like a little disc, a little UFO you piss on.
Somehow or another, it goes somewhere.
You don't have to rinse it with water.
Yeah, that's like the latest eco thing.
But it's been rejected by plumbers.
Plumbers don't like it because it cuts back on the maintenance, so they try to say it's unsanitary.
But in actuality, the other ones are more unsanitary.
How weird is that?
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
There's been studies, Joe Diaz.
Studies on piss.
unidentified
Let's talk about urine.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Let me tell you something.
When I was a kid in the first house, I moved into North Bergen, a nice big one.
We had a fucking bidet.
unidentified
Really?
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Did you really?
Yeah.
I had a bank in the show.
When I was about eight or nine or ten...
I used to go over there, take a shit in my mother's bathroom, turn the bidet on and hit you in the fucking face.
You know what I'm saying?
But then you put your little muffler on that bidet, you get that little hot water going.
That was the first time I ever had that little cranky in your little muffler.
But then you blast it hard.
Ooh, your asshole's spotless.
You could feel it shiny.
I was about 10. That's when my asshole used to shine.
unidentified
You know what I'm saying?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
I use my bidet for carrying magazines.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
You don't use it, though?
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
You never wash your hands?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Yeah, I got one.
unidentified
I would use that shit every day.
brian redban ▲ ● ▼
It's so much better than wetting toilet paper.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Oh, I know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
It just seems so bizarre.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
I am so sick of sticking to a bidet.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
Seems un-American.
Seems like giving in to the French.
What am I doing here?
I'm not supporting my own.
What am I doing here?
What a roll of goddamn toilet paper is not enough for you, Rogan.
I feel like I'm not supporting my own bidet.
unidentified
No, I don't mind using toilet paper, but the bidet is nice to wash your ass in the middle of the day.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
It seems like a lot of a commitment.
When you wipe your butt, it's like, well, yeah, I know it's still stinky and gross, but it's not that much of a commitment.
joey diaz ▲ ● ▼
Well, I use baby wipes.
ari shaffir ▲ ● ▼
Have you ever been about to fuck?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼
I wipe my butt.
unidentified
What?
▲
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