Joe Rogan and Brian Redban debate time travel’s paradoxes, with Rogan citing Dr. Ronald Mallett’s work as a potential universe-breaker, while mocking Back to the Future 3’s absurdity and Hollywood’s decline—like Apple’s $30 SIM-card fix and iPhone fragility. They link China’s pollution (e.g., Foxconn deaths) to birth defects like a baby with two faces, criticizing theoretical physics over urgent crises. Rogan’s past comedy struggles contrast with his sold-out shows, though he dislikes stand-up’s tension, and dismisses manipulated reviews as a growing industry problem. The episode ends with Rogan’s raw honesty about fame’s pitfalls and the need for personal evolution beyond dogma. [Automatically generated summary]
Well, the MySpace days, that was the Comedy Store days, and when we were using the MySpace, the fucking Comedy Store was sold out every weekend, and it was just because of MySpace, which didn't...
Before then, man, you could never have...
They would have to drive by and just know that you're there because of the billboard, or just know that you're there because of word of mouth.
But we could throw it up on MySpace, and it was nothing.
Now...
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Or a schoolyard of paper boys going, Mr. Mr. MySpace is a fucking dinosaur.
If you go to the flashlight, it says, this website contains explicit adult material.
How crazy is it that you go to a website that has rubber pussies, and they have this crazy fucking warning that you're about to see explicit adult material?
I mean, do they have porn on their site?
Okay, they have a guy and a girl.
Not even nudity.
Those girls have clothes on.
There was a guy and a girl in bed, but the girl had a bra and panties on.
And if you're looking at all these flashlights, man, it's like, okay, yeah, it's a rubber body part.
Is that really like something you need to have a little warning to click through?
You go to those sites where you see violence, you know, you don't see shit like that.
I used to work at a video store that had an adult room and it was open 24 hours a day.
And it was kind of cool because you'd walk, you know, somebody would be walking up like a hot chick and you're like, please let them go in the adult room.
You know, of course, they just walk up and goes, you know, we're designing women season two, you know, or something.
The craziest thing happened is an old teacher of mine, first grade teacher, went in there, a woman, and got porn, and I could only hope it was for like a party.
I was by myself, and I was flipping through the channels, and it's like, whoa, here's a person that, you know, I hadn't seen her in years, a long time ago.
So it was like, I dated her over, you know, 12 years ago, 13, 14 years ago, even.
So seeing her, it was like, wow, this is kind of strange.
Like, I'm watching someone that I used to know, and then they're fucking in a movie.
Even though it's not real.
What do you think it's like if your high school sweetheart turns into Sasha Gray or something like that?
The problem is when people go from one shit relationship to the next shit relationship and they never get traction.
As a human being.
Never get traction and never realize.
And if you have shit friends on top of that, which a lot of girls do, man.
Especially pretty girls.
A lot of pretty girls, their friends be hating.
You know?
It's tough, man.
Because for them, it's like, if you're out with a pretty girl, if you're a girl and you're out with a pretty girl, no one is going to pay attention to you.
Everyone's going to pay attention to her.
And she didn't even do anything to deserve this.
She was just born this way.
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And you're so much funnier and so much cooler and you'd be so much better girlfriend.
And you will get crazy for that bitch and you'll try to trip her up.
You'll want her to fail.
You'll hope she falls and breaks her fucking nose.
Literally.
You're tired.
She's stealing from you.
She's stealing male attention from you.
That's how a lot of chicks feel about hot chicks, man.
They don't like it.
So anything like that, man, if that's your situation...
If you're around people like that that are douchey to you and you're around ex-boyfriends who are douchey to you, you can get into a bad grind where you just automatically get douchey first because you think they're going to get douchey first and you want to get the upper hand.
You ever get in those relationships where you can tell that someone's fucking with you just to get the upper hand and expecting more?
The worst for me is if I get involved in it and I haven't been working out.
Especially when I was younger.
Dude, when I was younger, I did not have such a good judgment, and I still don't sometimes, about when to argue and when to just go, what the fuck am I arguing over?
Back then, I just argued automatically.
I'm like, you're not going to stop me from arguing.
Fuck you.
And it would just turn ugly every time.
Every time I got in an argument with somebody, it would turn ugly.
But as I got older, any kind of relationship like that, when shit comes up, I try very, very hard now to just look at it and go, what is the purpose of all this?
Who gives a shit if you're right?
Who gives a shit if you're wrong?
Here's what I want.
I want to be around people that I enjoy talking to.
And I know there can't really be this many problems that we fight all the time.
If there's this many problems that we fight all the time...
Where is that coming from?
That's got to be a personality thing because I don't have that many problems in my life.
My life's pretty smooth.
Most of the people in my life are very nice.
Most of the people in my life, we enjoy each other's company.
I mean, everybody has like here and there.
There'll be issues with any human being where someone sees something totally differently, but you can talk it through.
And if you're really good friends, you work it out and everything's cool and nobody ever gets ugly.
You know, but the real key, man, is finding other people that go along with that.
Because as soon as you go with someone who's used to douchey shit and is used to insulting you and is used to playing games, as soon as you go into that and you dive into that world, man, you're fucked.
And then once you get out of it, you're so sad because you got out of it and you have to get back in it just because you felt so sad for getting out of that.
Well, being alone, man, when you just got out of a relationship and then all of a sudden you're alone and lonely, Those are the darkest, emptiest, most hollow moments as an adult human being.
That feeling is a terrible, terrible feeling.
Most people just aren't equipped to understand rationally what's really going on.
Like, why are you so upset?
How much of this is just evolutionary?
How much is this that's been designed into the whole human mechanism to feel dreadful every time you're left alone, to feel terrible every time you're rejected?
Being rejected by someone you don't even know is brutally painful.
Why is that?
Why would you even care?
If it was a dude who didn't like you, If you had no desire to fuck that person, if you just came up to a dude and a dude was like, look at you, you're not even good looking, you'd be like, fuck you, faggot.
You wouldn't care at all.
It wouldn't change your opinion of yourself at all.
But when a chick does it to you, it's devastating.
Especially if it's a chick that you're attracted to.
But it's all evolution.
It's all set up that way to try to get you to be as attractive as possible and to make very stringent standards that what people find and don't find attractive.
It's to make you operate at a higher level.
I think it's all just designed to make you work harder as a human being to become more impressive as a mate.
And in doing so and in becoming more impressive as a mate, you get to contribute more to society.
You'll create more energy.
You'll create more money.
You'll create more whatever you do.
Whether you're in technology, you'll innovate more.
I can't find that partner who's on the same level as me.
It seems like they always act like the same level, but then once you get into it, they were just kind of mimicking what they thought that level was supposed to be.
Just because I was frustrated with my own life, especially when I was really young.
I was like 20. When I was like 20 and 21, I would start stupid arguments with girls I was dating over nothing.
But it wasn't really them that was the problem.
It was really me.
It was really me being frustrated all the time with my life And trying to, like, being, like, hyper-ambitious and trying to, like, get ahead in my life, but really terrified that I was going to be a loser.
So I would, you know, always be, like, under stress.
And if, you know, anything annoyed me about a chick, I would, like, be like, why do you even talk like that?
Meanwhile, that's such a douchey thing to do, to take your frustrations out on someone else.
But when you're doing it, when you're wrapped up in it, man, especially if that's everyone in your family, that's everyone you're friends with, that's the only way you know.
It takes a long time to learn to not communicate shitty to people.
If you're stuck in like a shitty communication pattern, fuck that's hard to snap out of, man.
It's very hard.
Very hard to recognize how other people are seeing you.
Like so many people don't think that they come off as assholes.
They think they're just playing around and everybody's like, oh, this guy's such a douche.
Get him away from me.
It's like, what do you fuck?
You can't take a joke?
It's not a joke if I don't think it's funny.
It's not a joke if no one else is laughing but you.
That's not a joke.
That's you being a douchebag and laughing about being a douchebag.
It's kind of cool just singing something that you thought of and then just changing the lyrics and the next thing you know you can actually make it into a real song.
So it's so funny that, and the thing that really got to me was where the judge, like, heard Lindsay crying and stuff, and the judge finally goes, all right, you lied here, you lied here, you lied here, you lied here.
Next case, you lied here, you lied here.
Like, it went through, like, four cases of, like, seven cases.
He might figure out a way to raise his kid correctly through this, but...
What an incredible fucking chore.
What an incredible responsibility.
The amount of pressure you put on the kid because kids, you know, they can get spoiled so easy.
Their perspective can get fucked up so quickly.
They haven't really developed character.
And to have a kid really be in a position where he never really has to overcome the same adversity that the rest of us have, he just doesn't have the opportunity to develop the character that the rest of us are going to have.
The regular people that have to go through life and make their way as an adult and evolve as an adult and Being an adult without money where you're in a situation where you're like, wow, I've got to figure out a way to get through this.
To not have any fame whatsoever.
Have to get by on your personality instead of get by on the fact that you're famous when you were six.
Yeah, I've read some stuff about it up to two years old.
I didn't read up to eight, but it makes sense.
I mean, a lot of who you are as a human being is based on what kind of input you got when your mind was developing.
It only makes sense.
Your mind is going to prepare for a certain world.
You know, they say that babies born into really high-stress, violent families where there's a lot of shouting and yelling and, you know, too many people, like, if you're in a really bad neighborhood and, you know, too many people in your house, there's a lot of stress all the time.
Babies born literally are wired different than babies that are born into calm households.
And babies that are born into calm households, the less stress you have, the more chilled out the baby can be.
But if you have a really, really tense mom, that kid's going to come out just ready to snap.
That kid's going to come out recognizing danger.
I had this long talk on a plane with Michael Irvin.
Michael Irvin was on a plane to Australia.
We were all going to the UFC. He was going there to do some football thing with Russell Crowe.
And I had met him because I did Best Damn Sports Show, period.
And he was on it.
And he's a real cool guy, man.
A very down-to-earth, normal dude.
And so he and I were talking.
We're just talking about kids getting involved in martial arts and kids getting involved in sports.
And he was talking about what he was like when he was young.
He's trying to teach kids about controlling themselves, teach kids about keeping their shit together.
And this was right after that dude.
I don't remember the football player, but he was chasing after his girlfriend.
He jumped in the back of a truck and he fell out and died.
Yeah.
He was talking about that guy that was not thinking.
He was just reacting.
You don't do shit like that when you're thinking.
But these guys aren't thinking.
They just react.
And he's trying to teach them how to put some steps in there to consider things before you act and recognize that there's a reason why you're so quick to behave like that.
And that these people, these reckless type people are the ones who are always involved in really strong competitive athletics like fighting and football and shit like that.
And the best part about the movie is they didn't cast any judgment.
They just showed you these nutty motherfuckers that are out there raising kids to be Christian jihadists.
You don't have to.
You don't have to cast anything.
And the people are so nutty that they'll approve it.
You could show them the fucking video and they would say, yeah, that's our message.
You got our message down, sir.
That's a good documentary.
Meanwhile, anybody who saw that thing, it was like a fucking horror movie.
Taking little kids.
The best part is when they make them talk in tongues.
Did you see that part?
They would say, everyone now talk in tongues.
So the kids would go...
It's like God talking through them in tongues.
It's hilarious.
They're five years old, man.
Five years old, it's nonsense.
They love nonsense.
Five years old loves to talk nonsense.
All five-year-old kids do.
So you give them like a time of the day at school.
Alright kids, time to go nonsense.
So they just go full fantasy.
And they're talking in this made-up language, and it's obviously not a fucking language, because you're not saying anything.
I can tell when I'm listening to someone talk, even if they have a foreign language, I can tell if it's a real language.
You know, you hear someone talking in Chinese.
They're saying a bunch of crazy shit, but there's a flow to it where you know they're not saying the same sounds over and over and over and over again, which is what you do, because you have to invent all these sounds on the fly if you're making a fake language.
To have them vary to the point where it looks like it's an actual language, that's difficult.
So you start going, which is what they all do.
They're all uncreative fucks, and they're talking in tongues, and they're just making nonsense noises.
That's all they're doing, man.
And they're getting little kids to do this shit.
And they're telling these kids that you're warriors for Christ, and this woman was comparing them to Hamas and all these...
Terrorist organizations raise little jihadists.
She was literally comparing them.
She's comparing them.
Like, why don't we do that with Christianity?
Like, this would be a good thing.
The reason why these people are willing to blow themselves up is because they indoctrinated them into the world of radical Islam.
We can do the same thing, but for good.
She's like, but we're good.
Not seeing the irony in the brainwashing kids.
She's talking, well, they're getting brainwashed with the wrong thing.
But if we brainwash our kids with the truth and Jesus, I'm like, whoa.
It's not that being a Muslim isn't ridiculous, but being a Jew is.
Everything's ridiculous.
Being a Catholic is ridiculous.
Being a Protestant is ridiculous.
Being a Baptist is ridiculous.
Being a Buddhist is ridiculous.
Being in anything is ridiculous.
You're a fucking human being.
And if you attach yourself and your mind to any ideology...
You're going to be on a road.
And that road may or may not lead you in a good direction.
But you're going to stay on that fucking road if you're attached to an ideology.
And it could be a terrible road.
It could be a road of, you know, circumcising your daughter's clitoris because that's a fucking tradition.
I mean, these fucking crazy bitches in Africa that cut holes in their lip and stretch them out to put plates on.
Why is that?
Because they got on a fucking road and they stuck with that road.
Regardless of rational thinking.
They didn't use rational thinking at all.
They just adapted a predetermined pattern of behavior that makes life so much more simple.
And that's what every fucking religion is.
The problem is no one knows.
You cannot know.
You can have your own beautiful personal experiences.
You could have been the person that was actually touched by God.
But when you start yelling and ranting that other people have to follow your lead or the fucking world's going to end and Christians are going to be taken away, I know you're full of shit.
I know you're full of shit and you know you're full of shit.
And the real problem is that we can't say it, because everybody's got this freedom of religion, freedom of religion, religious freedom, the freedom to express yourself.
Even if you're expressing yourself with nonsense, nonsense that helps scared, lonely, sad people lock onto that nonsense so they feel like they're a part of something.
I mean, that's what it is.
It preys on people whose lives fucking suck.
So it's all nuts.
It's not like your shit's cool and my shit's not.
And it's not that, you know, yoga's the answer or fucking mushrooms are the answer.
There's just questions.
And until we're honest about that, we're never going to evolve.
The human race is stuck in a giant quagmire when it comes to our behavior.
I don't know, but I was just thinking to your list that I think you should never stop tickling people, and I don't know why it's looked down upon, because I enjoy making people laugh, including forcing them to laugh.
Because if you're sleeping on the ground and something's on you and you fucking move like that, that's what ticklish is.
You're trying to avoid these instant reactions to these weird sensitive areas of your body, especially things where things can crawl, like under your armpits.
You touch my armpit, I'll jump through the fucking roof.
First of all, any girl that would let you do that, Any girl that wants to do that and any girl that is in a relationship where the man is cool with her doing that, you've got a whole lot of problems.
That's ridiculous.
There was this guy, Salami was his name.
I think he lives in Seattle now.
Cool dude.
He was a porn producer, didn't like it, got out of it.
He said the whole business is just fucked up.
It's all crazy and everyone's a mess.
He just wants to be a healthier person.
So now he's teaching jiu-jitsu.
Super nice guy.
So anyway, he tells us, hey man, come see me.
We're doing a porno shoot.
Come watch it.
It's pretty fun.
So I was with Tate, and we were like, alright, fuck it.
We'll go.
We just got back from the road.
We just landed from some gig, and this is when Tate was staying with me.
So, before we went to my house, we just drove to this guy's fucking porno shoot.
I mean, right out of the airport, right?
We walk in the door.
We walk in the door, and there's this one guy with guns tattooed on his body.
He's got, like, guns.
Like, yeah, one of those dudes.
And then the other guy is just this regular muscle-looking dude.
And they are ruining this bitch.
They are ruining her.
One guy is pounding her asshole with his dick, and one guy is fucking her mouth.
And every couple seconds, they pull her off the dick and spit in her mouth.
So this girl goes through this terrible day of all this.
Spitting, fucking her asshole, fucking her pussy.
And then when it's all over, she goes into the shower and she wants everyone to piss in her mouth.
So these porno stars start peeing in her mouth and she sits there with her mouth open.
And then she wants a director to do it.
You get over here.
So the director goes over and he pees in her mouth.
You should try to figure out something else that you can masturbate to, like start getting attracted to something on purpose to try to train your brain.
Ronald Mallet from, I believe, University of Connecticut.
And he has like a working model.
Yeah, it is Ronald Mallet.
He has a working model of a M-A-L-L-E-T-T or one T or two T's?
T-T. Ronald M-A-L-L-E-T-T. Look him up on Google and there's some videos about him, but...
His dad died.
It's a crazy story.
His dad died when he was a kid and he was so hurt.
He loved his father.
There's all those photos of him and his father and his father smiling and he's smiling.
He was so close to his father.
When his father died, it crushed him.
And so he dedicated his life to creating a time machine.
He dedicated his life to creating a time machine so that he could go back in time and save his father so his father would be with him again.
So that was the entire focus of his life.
And he got to a certain point where he realized that you can someday, it is possible to travel back in time.
But it's not something that you're going to be able to go back to any point in history.
You're only going to be able to go back in time to the moment that the first time machine was invented.
So what will be able to be possible is you'll be able to, the moment there is a time machine invented, that day, from that day on, you'll be able to go to any point in history that you want.
So you can go to, you know, assuming there's human beings around, Assuming the world hasn't been hit by another planet or some crazy shit, you'll be able to go to one million years from now.
Let's see what the world looks like one million years from now because there will be time machines functional back then or in that future.
But the problem is that any moment in time could also go back to the moment the first time machine was invented.
So if you can travel back in time, from any moment in time, that's like millions of years, in fact, infinite, if people are still alive, of time, of years, of people going back to the moment of the first time machine being invented.
So it's literally like the whole notion of time gets broken.
There's no real future.
It all kind of happens all at once.
So it literally fucks with the entire fabric of the universe.
Everything can come back to the moment that the first time machine was invented.
It breaks everything.
So this is real shit they're working on.
This guy is really convinced that this is a possible thing.
Back to the Future 3, if you look at the very end of the movie when Doc has his kids and he's like telling like, see ya mighty, everything's gonna be good, you know?
Look at one of the kids.
The kid starts going like this, like come here or put something in my hand and then he points to his dick.
I think 14 billion years ago, plus, was the Big Bang.
I think it was a lonely dude in his basement who figured out a way to break the universe, and he had a switch, and he wanted to see what happened, and he clicked it.
And the whole thing...
I think that's what happens.
And then people get curious and we develop to a certain point in time where we repeat the process.
Isn't that possible?
I mean, nobody knows what the fuck created the Big Bang, right?
But when you see scientists working on shit like the Large Hadron Collider, the Large Hadron Collider is this crazy experiment that they're participating right now in Europe where they've got this 22 kilometer long machine and it spins these atoms around and collides them.
It's just slightly slower than the speed of light.
And they're trying to recreate a thing called the Higgs-Boson particle.
Now they believe there's actually five different Higgs-Boson particles are trying to figure out what existed.
They call it the God particle, for lack of a better word, and it's what existed just a millisecond, a fraction of a millisecond even, right after the Big Bang.
So when they get that, when they figure out how to do that, and if they do recreate the Higgs boson, if they do really find out it's not just a theoretical particle but it's real, when they do that, they're not going to stop there.
They're not going to stop there.
They're going to keep going.
What's the next thing?
They've got 10,000 scientists working on that.
This is the biggest project in scientific history, and it has nothing to do with making our lives better.
Technology, at one point in time, was all about making your life better.
Technology was about, you know, hey, we need to get water and we don't want to, you know, just have to drink it out of the river every time.
We need to get it and bring it back to camp.
What do we do?
We figured out how to make a jug.
You know, I mean, that's technology.
Technology today, the shit like the Higgs-Boson particle, shit like the Large Hadron Collider, shit like making time machines, what are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
You're not fixing the hole in the ground in the gulf that's making the oil pull out.
Shouldn't they pull all the scientists off everything and go, okay, we've got to fix this before the whole ocean gets poisoned?
You know, these guys aren't experts in their fields, obviously.
I mean, you can't know everything about everything.
It's a silly concept, I mean, what I'm saying.
But it would be great if they took all the top scientists from all the different disciplines that would be involved and they immediately allocated funds to get them to work on the project instantly.
And just the government step...
I mean, I'm not in favor of the government stepping in, but in this case, I would say this is...
Not just a natural disaster.
This is a fucking catastrophic disaster where apocalyptic disaster where they need to step in and do something about this immediately.
They need to impose almost like a martial law type of a thing.
Take over the whole...
But then again, who's going to be good that's doing that for the government?
The government would have to involve the private sector and then the private sector would try to make a lot of money from it and they would try to fuck people over and it would be a big scandal and it would be like Halliburton and they'd find out billions of dollars are missing from the...
Yeah, I mean, everybody keeps going off about how great the economy is in China and China's, you know, becoming like a capitalist economy and, you know, Chinese people are, you know, the whole country is, it's changing and flourishing and we owe America, owes China so much.
And then you look at what China's really doing, like ConCam, you know, or Foxconn, rather.
Yeah, because if they're saying, what they're saying is, like, if this is wrong, if you don't have three bars right now, you actually have one bar, and covering up the antenna will make it go down...
But it's interesting to me because then I think about all these, I have that extra thought every time, you know, I want to shove something up my ass, I know I might die from it, you know.
Supposedly, when she got that scram bracelet on or whatever it's called, that she immediately had a dentist appointment the next day that was supposedly, priorly...
Prior to this whatever and she had like a tooth pulled or she had something that she had done but it was like oh now she's allowed to have Vicodin and that's really nice for her.
You are going to get out in three months and I think that's when Lil Wayne gets out too and you can get together and make a fucking badass CD. How about that?
Look, that guy will always have a home in the UFC because he's a part of the biggest fight in the history of the sport.
The most important fight.
The fight that got everybody to pay attention.
The fight with him and Stefan Bonner when they were on Spike TV, when it was the finals of the Ultimate Fighter, the very first season...
People were, so many people were tuning in while the fight was on that I think the amount of people viewing the fight, by the time the first fight of the card started to Stephen Bonner and Forrest Griffin, Forrest Griffin's fight, it like doubled, tripled, quadrupled.
At one point in time, some insane number, like 6 to 10 million they estimated, I forget what it was, but something crazy was watching that fight.
Well, nobody was watching Spike TV before that.
Just people were calling their friends and they were like, dude, you gotta fucking turn this on.
Turn on channel, whatever it is.
These two guys are beating the shit out of each other.
And Forrest Griffin and Stephen Bonner had like a movie fight.
It wasn't even real.
It was like a goddamn Every Which Way But Loose Clint Eastwood movie.
It was him fighting Tank Murdoch.
They beat each other all over the fucking place and kept coming.
They just went after each other for 15 solid minutes.
Nobody backed down for a second.
So he'll always have a strong place in the organization.
They'll always have love for that dude.
But he also knew that he wants to be back in the heat at 205. He wants to be fighting up to his potential.
And he knows he's had some good outings and some not so good outings.
Really, if he wasn't Kimbo, you would have to cut him.
Matt Mitrione beat him down, and it didn't look like he was in the right kind of condition.
It looks like he got really tired.
His technical prowess wasn't up to the level of Mitrione.
Mitrione improved much more from his time on The Ultimate Fighter.
And you also have to wonder about Kimbo's body.
Kimbo had some real knee problems on the show.
And the knee problems that he had on the show, they weren't like fixable things.
It's like bone-on-bone type shit.
Like he's worn out the cartilage in one of his knees, which means you can't train as hard.
You can't sprawl and you can't do the kind of wrestling training that you need.
You can't get your legs kicked the way you kind of need to get kicked.
You know, he's got like a pretty serious problem.
That problem kept him from fighting in the main event or getting another shot at getting back in the heat of the show, remember?
He got eliminated and then they offered him a fight and he passed on the fight because of his knee.
That's not something that gets better.
So it's like, unless he's got some sort of a cartilage replacement surgery, or I don't know what they're even able to do these days, he's got a problem with that knee, and that knee is going to keep him from being able to train the way a GSP trains, or Tiago Alves trains, or any of the killers.
So it's, you know, I don't know.
I think you can still make a lot of money off the guy and the guy still wants a fight.
I look at it as like, you know, Butterbean.
Remember when Butterbean was king of the four-rounders?
You know, it doesn't mean you don't use Butterbean on your car just because he's not going to beat Larry Holmes.
You know, get Butterbean out there.
Fuck it, you know, put him out there.
It's still entertaining.
You know, it's like Chris Lieben.
I mean, Chris Lieben is, you know, he's battling it out with the best in the world.
He's beating Akiyama, beating, you know, he's starting to move up in the chain.
But the end of the rainbow for him is always going to be Anderson Silva.
You know, Anderson, I mean, look, anybody can beat anybody on any given day.
If you run into one of Chris Lieben's punches, you could be in a lot of trouble.
But technically, the two are so far apart.
Anderson is in such a different level athletically.
His ease of movement.
It's just like, what do you do?
You're not going to cut Lieben.
Why would you cut him?
He's one of the most entertaining fighters in the world.
So even if he can't beat Anderson, you've got to keep him around.
Even if he can never beat the best guy in the world, which I'm not saying he can't.
You never fucking know.
And he's improving, and shit happens, and weirder things have taken place in this world.
But even if he doesn't...
If he can never beat Anderson, he should still be around because he's awesome.
He's fucking fun as shit to watch.
So I think that about Kimbo, too.
I think Kimbo's fun to watch.
And even though he's not...
At the level that, you know, Gene Dos Santos is or Cain Velasquez is, he's not at that level.
I mean, you just got to match him correctly.
Just accept the fact that this guy is never going to be a title contender.
And even though that's not really what the UFC is all about, the UFC is the very best guys fighting the very best guys.
It doesn't maybe hurt throwing a young gun in there with a gatekeeper, make Kimbo a gatekeeper, you know, make him a guy that you test young guys with.
I think that makes it kind of interesting.
As long as Kimball wants to keep doing it, and if he keeps losing and then, you know, gets to a point where nobody wants to see him anymore, then maybe stop using him.
What do you think Dana White would say about having a UFC bar that was just in the middle, there was an octagon, and every night you just go there and there's just people fighting constantly?
It would be too hard to ensure that everybody had their proper medicals.
It would be too hard to find qualified fighters because they can't fight.
Lieben fought Aaron Simpson and two weeks later he fought Akiyama.
Very unusual.
For most people, there's a few months off in between fights, and a lot of that is because you get beat up, and you've got to relax and rest and heal up.
I think a better bar solution, since the UFC has this gigantic library of 116 events, the best idea is to serve good food, have a cool bar, and have the UFC playing on all these different fucking televisions.
But if your seats aren't that good, you know, if you're in the bleachers, you know, it's kind of cool being there still.
But it's pretty fucking badass to go to a place with a bunch of other people and watch it on TV. You know?
Like having a UFC bar where people, you know, if you can't afford to go to Vegas, you know, you're living in another city, everybody, all your friends are going to go to the UFC bar and watch the fight.
The places I've worked out on, they'll just slap gloves on you and you climb in the ring with another dude that you don't even know and you say, okay, just go easy.
And you're fucking throwing punches with some dude that you don't even know.
And, you know, who knows?
Most of the time dudes are cool, but every now and then dudes will try to take your head off.
They don't know.
You might have an aneurysm just ready to pop right behind your eyeball.
And he touches you in the chin, your legs go, you fall, you hit your head on the back of the mat, and that thing bursts and just fills your eyeballs with blood and you fucking die right there.
So if you just gave up and just were a sedentary fuck and had a normal 9-5 job, we ate shit at the office and ate shit for lunch, and then you came home and you were too tired to work and you ate and then watched TV, you'd just be a giant fat dude.
I was listening to Sirius Satellite Radio the other day, and one of the things they were saying about guys who gain a lot of weight is a lot of times it's just some sort of a hormone imbalance, and that it's maybe a testosterone imbalance.
If you were 18 years old and you were a fan of some dude and all of a sudden he's got his phone number online and you call him and he actually answers, he's like, holy shit!
That's most of the calls.
Most of the calls were people saying, holy shit, and they were all cool.
What do you think about Fedor losing?
Is he out of the UFC now?
Is he never going to bring him in now?
I had all these conversations about comedy.
I had conversations about MMA. I had a bunch of different conversations about all kinds of shit.
And I was like, I'm going to keep this phone.
Fuck it.
So I kept it as a fan line.
If you want to call it, I really do answer it.
Not all the time, but I pick it up every now and then.
This weekend, I'm going to be at the Ontario Improv with the one and only Joey Coco Diaz.
And that's going to be a lot of fun.
Ontario's a badass club.
It's selling out quickly.
If you want to get in, I know a lot of people got shut out in Irvine.
I talked to a lot of people that were disappointed, and I'm sorry I didn't get in.
But these clubs, they only seat like 300 people.
So if you want to come to a show, especially like the Friday shows and the Saturday shows, Sunday sometimes is a little easier because you've got less people out doing things.
But Friday and Saturday, those fucking tickets sell quick.
That changed the vibe of it so much because people were uncomfortable before and you felt that uncomfort from them because of the fact that they had to stand and watch a show.
And I made a lot more money then on those shows, but I don't care.
I don't want people to stand up.
I think it sucks.
When we saw stand up, when we saw Stan Hope, rather, that shit cured me.
I'll never make someone pay to see me stand up ever again.
We fucked up in Memphis.
Joey and I did a show in Memphis.
It had to be stand-up because it was a really tiny place.
And if it wasn't stand-up, it would only seat like 100 people.
And all these people were standing up by the bar.
So half the crowd was standing.
And they were all talking at full voice.
Like bar voice.
Like no one was like paying attention to the show.
When Joey went on stage, no one was.
It was like maybe 10% of the people in the bar weren't talking.
It was just a low rumble.
And then, you know, it was like, okay, this is the final straw.
I'll never have a standing room show ever.
It's not fun to watch, man.
Part of what is good about a show is you can kick back and relax.
What would be awesome is if every fucking place you went had real comfortable seats.
If you could sit on a couch like this, if that's how you watched every comedy show, kicking back and chilling on a couch, it would be way funnier because you'd be feeling relaxed.
You'd have no tension.
You're more likely to laugh at shit.
When you're standing, your fucking feet hurt.
That sucks.
The first person I ever heard say that was Jimmy Norton.
And I heard Jimmy talking about it.
He was promoting one of his shows.
And he was talking about, you know, people were calling in and saying that they heard there were standing tickets in the back.
And Jimmy was like, no, no, no.
My show is a standing show.
And I was like, wow, he's like real adamant about that.
But I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
I'm like, well, maybe he's just, you know, he's more rigid with his style or something.
And he wants to make it like that.
But then I, you know, I realized that that's the right thing to do.
Those standing shows, those Stan Hope shows, I mean, they're fun and everything, but it's not as fun.
I thought it was kind of interesting, the Blair Witch Project, how they did that.
I thought that was a good movie.
I mean, it was really, like, for what it was...
When we saw the Blair Witch Project, the first time I saw it, was we were in Houston, and Chris McGuire and I were working at the Laugh Stop, and this was way back in the day, you know, whenever it came out.
And this dude who worked at the movie theater across the street came to the show.
And after the show, we're all hanging out, and...
Smoking weed!
And the dude goes, hey, do you guys want to go watch the Blair Witch Project right now?
We can all watch it.
We'll set it up.
I got the keys.
We'll turn it on.
I'm like, get the fuck out of here.
Are you serious?
He's like, yeah.
So it was like a midnight show, okay?
So we went over there at 2 o'clock in the morning.
And this dude had the keys, unlocked the place, we got popcorn and shit, and it was just him, the dude, he worked there, a couple other people that worked with him, like a guy and a girl, and me and Chris McGuire.
It was just five of us, and we watched the Blair Witch Project, and it was badass.
did not work not only did it not work there was some dude who brought his baby and this fucking mexican dude and his baby was making all this noise he's like two you know and you know so a bunch of people like shushed him and he got aggressive with the people fuck you bitch don't fucking shush me bitch and i was like okay
now i have to fucking think about this guy and his fucking inconsiderate ways and he's got a baby and people trying to shush him and he's you know fucking yelling at them obscenities and threatening them I'll fucking kick your ass, bitch, and that kind of shit.
So now you gotta think about him for the fucking movie, so it was a bad experience.
But people like the event of being out there with other people.
You know, people like, that's one of the things people like about a concert.
You know, if fucking Ozzy Osbourne was playing just to you, and it was just you and Ozzy alone with his band in a room, you probably wouldn't even want to be there.
You know, he'd be like, maybe listen to a song or two, and he'd be like, this is crazy, he's looking me in the eyes and singing, and fucking, you know, you'd have to look at you, you're the only one there.
But if you're, you know, one of 15,000 in an arena, then it's cool.
What makes me even more angry is the fact that the opposite is happening with Toy Story 3, because that's a movie, I don't care if you're the most angriest person in the world, you'll sit there and you'll go, at least, yeah, that was a good movie.