April 27, 2010 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:02:01
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Gentlemen! | |
| What's up, you dirty bitches? | ||
| We're live. | ||
| Refresh your browser. | ||
| Then you can see us in the Ustream, like we are, seeing ourselves... | ||
| I muted it, you fuck. | ||
| You can't get me. | ||
| Good job. | ||
| So, hi everybody. | ||
| It's week like 20 or some shit. | ||
| This is insane, dude. | ||
| We're all the way into May almost. | ||
| This is April 27th, is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, we started December. | ||
| Yeah, we started at the beginning of the year. | ||
|
unidentified
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Christmas. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| We basically started at the beginning of the year. | ||
| And here we are. | ||
| It was number three last week on the iTunes... | ||
| For podcasts, which is ridiculous because the fucking production value is goddamn awful for iTunes. | ||
| I apologize, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| It's kind of cool, though. | ||
| It's kind of cool. | ||
| It can only get better. | ||
| Well, it's definitely... | ||
| It's Garage, but we've got a bunch of new shit coming. | ||
| Right now, this is just my... | ||
| My desk. | ||
| We have cleaned everything out, and the couch is coming in Thursday, and the green screen slightly after that. | ||
| We got new MP3 audio recorders, some big fucking serious jammies here. | ||
| Before, look how small this is. | ||
| After, look how insane it is. | ||
| Ustream's fucking up on me. | ||
| I've been watching, we just went from zero to 850 viewers within, what, two minutes? | ||
|
unidentified
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One minute? | |
| Oh yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| So let's be boring here. | ||
| So this is some new shit we got to make the sound better for you iTunes people, and thank you very much for putting up with it up to this far. | ||
| And I appreciate all your suggestions, and I know people get harsh with their criticisms, but... | ||
| The bottom line is that's your real opinion, and I appreciate it. | ||
| I've got a thick skin. | ||
| I've been in show business for a long time, and most people have been saying I suck ever since day one, so you get used to it. | ||
| But I think all your criticisms are valid. | ||
| We're working on the production quality. | ||
| We have real microphones now. | ||
| Of course, we have this, and then we also have... | ||
| I'll have to hold on to this for a second. | ||
| We bought some Sirius Sennheiser microphones, just like you would use in a recording studio. | ||
| So, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, alcohol swabs. | ||
| Alcohol swabs to disinfect it in between guests. | ||
| We're going to clean that shit off and make it all nice, nice. | ||
| We don't want any guests getting the herbs. | ||
| So, we're turning this thing into a real production studio. | ||
| We're going to have cameras on tripods and the whole deal, and I'm Stealing a page out of Anthony Cumia's book. | ||
| Anthony Cumia is one of the dudes from Opie and Anthony. | ||
| Super cool guy and he does a badass radio show from his house. | ||
| And he's one of the ones that gave me really the first inspiration to do it because I saw his setup and his setup is fucking badass. | ||
| He has it set up basically just like a real radio show, you know, with like real jamming microphones and he has a backdrop and a green screen. | ||
| So I'm basically stealing all Anthony's idea with his blessing and with all due credit. | ||
| To Mr. Kumia. | ||
| You should add something to it, like a hot tub or something. | ||
| You know how crazy Anthony is? | ||
| You were with us in New York last time. | ||
| Did you see his gun? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He carries a gun around everywhere. | ||
| He has a special permit so he can carry a gun everywhere. | ||
| It was weird when they brought it up because everyone else in the room was like, oh, no, no. | ||
| They're all concerned about him. | ||
| They're all worried that he's going to go bananas and kill a bunch of people, which he may very well. | ||
| Guns kind of make that already. | ||
| If you bring a gun into a room, even if you're comfortable with your gun, you're now like, that guy has a weapon that could kill me. | ||
| Yeah, that is kind of weird, right? | ||
| That he wants to do that all the time. | ||
| I have guns, and I appreciate you wanting to shoot them and use them, and it's good to have something in the house to protect yourself, because there's a lot of crazy fucks out there, but carrying one everywhere is just a little strange. | ||
| But I guess, hey, what the fuck? | ||
| It's like... | ||
|
unidentified
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Better to have one. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What's that expression? | ||
| Better to need it and to have it than to not need it and have it? | ||
| Something like that, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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What? | |
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh. | |
| But, you know... | ||
|
unidentified
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Better to not have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. | |
| That's the expression. | ||
| But, yeah, I mean, he's fucking walking around strapped. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| He's a big-ass fucking gun, too, man. | ||
| He's got a Glock on him at all times. | ||
| With talons. | ||
| Black talon bullets. | ||
| I have some of those, too. | ||
| But black talons are like... | ||
| They don't make them anymore, man. | ||
| They shred you up. | ||
| Like, black talons, they don't just go through you. | ||
| As it goes through you, it spreads out. | ||
| It's like talons. | ||
| It shreds the inside of your body out. | ||
| Yeah, from maximum damage. | ||
| Like a mortar grenade or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And he carries a gun. | ||
| Are those even legal? | ||
| Or they just stop making them? | ||
| Oh, they're still legal if you have them. | ||
| If you have them, you're grandfathered in, I believe. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, really? | |
| But you can't go out and get them. | ||
| And Anthony's one of those guys, and he finds out that Oh, these fucks, they're making things illegal. | ||
| He'll go out to the store and buy like fucking, you know, like wheelbarrow fulls. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| He's got like a room in his office or in his house that used to be a walk-in closet where his girl used to keep her shit. | ||
| And now it's an armory. | ||
| It's an armory. | ||
| His room is all guns and ammunition and rifles and AK-47s and fucking pistols and everything. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| It's got alarms, like you have to press separate alarms to get into that room. | ||
| Retinal scanning. | ||
| He's like the goddamn Punisher, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got a fucking room in his house with an alarm on it dedicated to guns. | ||
| You open the door, it's all lit, you know, with like cool lighting and shit. | ||
| He calls it the compound, too. | ||
| Yeah, his house is the compound. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's... | |
| He's a loon, man. | ||
| But being a loon makes for fun radio. | ||
| He's fucking great on the radio, man. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He's just a funny guy. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah, that's one of the coolest radio shows to do. | ||
| I have been doing them since like 2000. It's a fucking great show. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| It's just the best hang. | ||
| You know, Jim Norton is the funniest guy on the radio, for sure. | ||
| That guy is goddamn hilarious on the radio. | ||
| Just mean and nasty and quick. | ||
| Like, the shit that he says. | ||
| Like, anytime there's some new thing in the news, he's always got like a million. | ||
| And he's riffing. | ||
| He's just riffing. | ||
| Just talking shit about people. | ||
| You know, if you haven't listened to them, Opie and Anthony. | ||
| Every radio show is hit and miss, you know? | ||
| I mean, you can't. | ||
| Even this fucking thing we're doing, obviously, is hit and miss. | ||
| You can't be awesome all the time because it's just talking, you know? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| When you talk for hours at a time, they're talking for like four hours at a time, there's gonna be times when you're doing something that sucks. | ||
| Did you follow the Tito shit at all? | ||
| Should we talk about that? | ||
| I gotta talk about it because I think it's very crazy, especially if you're following it through TMZ. If you don't know, and if you don't know, tell everybody what this is. | ||
| Well, supposedly Tito was just arrested for allegedly beating up Jenna Jameson. | ||
| And then he came out and said, I never hit her. | ||
| She has a big Oxycontin problem. | ||
| She's fucked up on drugs, and that's it. | ||
| So what I thought, I thought that was just weird, and then I was watching this clip on TMZ where it was Jenna saying, he did not beat me up. | ||
| We had an altercation, but he did not beat me up. | ||
| People were thinking he's a wife beater. | ||
| Then, like a half hour later, an hour later, Tito puts out a press conference saying, hey, she is fucked up on Oxycontin. | ||
| And then immediately her story now is wearing an arm brace, he beat me up and threw me in a hot tub. | ||
| I think she had the arm brace even in the beginning. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But saying that he beat me up and threw me in a hot tub and all this shit. | ||
| That's a good move throwing a chick in a hot tub. | ||
| If you're going to throw a chick in a hot tub, well a hot tub you can bang her up. | ||
| Yeah, but she's a porn star so you should be allowed to throw her in a hot tub. | ||
| That comes along with dating a porn star. | ||
| I threw her in a porn star to fuck her. | ||
| She retired in 2008. So I think she had the thing on her arm in the beginning. | ||
| Did she? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it is kind of weird how the story changed, right? | ||
| Well, if she does have that problem, that's a terrible problem. | ||
| And I know a dude who had that problem for a long time. | ||
| And he got prescriptions from... | ||
| He lived in Texas, and he moved to LA, and he got prescriptions from both doctors. | ||
| He just couldn't help himself. | ||
| He's very self-indulgent, and he just got whacked out on that shit. | ||
| But apparently, it's easy. | ||
| It's hard to get off and easy to get on. | ||
| You just start popping it. | ||
| We've talked before on this show about a documentary, and we'll just briefly say it. | ||
| If you haven't seen it, just Google the OxyContin Express, and it's all about... | ||
| How many people are addicted to this stuff in Florida with their wacky laws? | ||
| Florida doesn't have a database of doctors. | ||
| So the way my friend did it, he got a prescription in Texas, and he got a prescription here in California, and then he started using both of them at the same time, getting both of them refilled, and I got all fucking loony. | ||
| But in Florida, you can go to like a hundred doctors. | ||
| They don't have a database of doctors. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's scary shit because it's like, for sure, it's pharmaceutical companies. | ||
| They absolutely know what the fuck they're doing with this stuff. | ||
| They've been accused and convicted. | ||
| Or it's been proven, rather, that they lied about the addiction qualities of OxyContin that they knew and suppressed information. | ||
| They knew that it was super, super addictive. | ||
| I mean, it's basically, it's heroin in a pill form. | ||
| When they call it hillbilly heroin, that's really what it is. | ||
| If you've ever been to Florida, folks, you might want to go just to see these things called pain management centers. | ||
| I mean, you know how people go on vacation to see the Great Wall of China? | ||
| You might want to go on vacation to see the pain management centers because it's a fucking trip. | ||
| It's a heroin store. | ||
| Shit's fucked up. | ||
| Did you see her reaction in the video? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Here's the problem with both of them. | ||
| I like both of them. | ||
| I can't talk about them. | ||
| I like Tito. | ||
| I met Jenna back when she was with her old husband. | ||
| She's always been very nice to me. | ||
| She's still with him, I heard. | ||
| I heard that they never got a divorce. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, either way, she's always been nice to me, and I can't talk shit about her. | ||
| But yeah, the whole thing's unfortunate. | ||
| I'll tell you who I can talk shit about, though. | ||
| That faggot that was fucking Larry King's wife, and now he's talking about it left and right, giving up all the juice. | ||
| It was bad enough when all these women were coming out about Tiger Woods and the Jesse James chicks trying to make her money. | ||
| That's bad enough. | ||
| But this fucking guy that's been banging Larry King's wife is the biggest bitch out of all of them. | ||
| This fucking guy, okay, was the baseball coach for Larry King's kids, okay? | ||
| He starts banging Larry King's wife, and he's banging Larry King's wife in Larry King's bed while Larry King's show is being filmed. | ||
| Because Larry King wants to know where his wife is at all times, so he makes her watch the show, at least according to this guy, so that he can quit. | ||
| Tom Cruise, the right questions! | ||
| And so she has to be ready to answer. | ||
| So he's banging her, and as he's banging her, she's like watching the show, making sure she pays attention to what, you know, fucking Paris Hilton has to say. | ||
| No way. | ||
| And this fucking guy gave up everything, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's such a fucking snitch bitch. | |
| This is a man, okay? | ||
| This isn't a wounded female who dated a guy for a long time and he told her he loved her and she thought that she was going to leave him. | ||
| That's not what's happening here. | ||
| This is a man. | ||
| This is a fucking man. | ||
| A man who knew the deal right from the get-go. | ||
| And apparently she started buying him shit. | ||
| He's a young guy, okay? | ||
| And she's hot for Larry King. | ||
| But this guy was like, I'm in love with you. | ||
| I want to marry you. | ||
| This fucking guy was doing to her the same thing rich women do to older men. | ||
|
unidentified
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The same thing that fucking Larry King's wife was doing to Larry King. | |
| She was trying to get paid. | ||
| And he was trying to get paid too. | ||
| And now he's like just spilling the beans for just all these magazines and he's talking about his acting career and Larry King helped him. | ||
| So, like, kind of like Tito's telling the mother of his two children that my wife is a meth head, you know, and stuff like that. | ||
| Now, that's kind of like breaking a weird kind of trust. | ||
| Like, hey, the woman that mothered your two children, hey, TMZ, no, she's on meth. | ||
| She's a meth Oxycontin. | ||
| Oxycontin or whatever. | ||
| Well, yes, I can see your point, but if you want to help somebody, maybe that would be the thing to do to make it public. | ||
| If someone's going wacky and accusing you of doing shit that you didn't do... | ||
| It's telling everybody the whole entire world and trying to ruin that person's... | ||
| Well, telling the whole entire world that you're a wife-beater, if that's not true. | ||
| Yeah, but if you have a drug problem and you love that person, you know that then, alright, come on. | ||
| Well, you know, we both know people with drug problems. | ||
| I guess we can't really talk about it. | ||
| Yeah, we can't talk about people with drug problems, but isn't it interesting when someone has a drug problem? | ||
| The interesting question is, and if you don't know anybody that has a drug problem out there, how lucky are you? | ||
| You're so lucky. | ||
| Because it's one of the saddest fucking things when you know someone who's addicted to anything. | ||
| I've known people that were addicted to gambling. | ||
| You know, I know a lot of dudes that are addicted to pussy. | ||
| And that's real. | ||
| You know, there's people that are addicted to things. | ||
| They're not just trying to get laid because they're horny. | ||
| They're just fucking... | ||
| They're obsessive. | ||
| You know, and there's drugs that will fucking, for sure, take over someone's body. | ||
| And what do you do about it? | ||
| We've had the problem, we've had problems with friends of ours, you know, like, what do you do about it? | ||
| My friend Johnny, my best friend, growing up, my dude that I used to play pool with, Hang out with New York. | ||
| He died from drugs. | ||
| He was 33 years old. | ||
| You know, it could happen to anybody. | ||
| Anybody that fucks around with drugs like OxyContin and heroin and meth and stuff like that and coke, you can get caught. | ||
| And what do you do? | ||
| What do you do if your friend gets caught? | ||
| You rat him out? | ||
|
unidentified
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What the fuck do you do? | |
| I don't think ratting out, at least not when you're in a situation where you're not only ratting them out to whatever, authorities, you're ratting them out to every single person in the world. | ||
| And when you're in a field where you are based off your persona, she makes money of who she is, and she's playing a role. | ||
| Right, so you think he fucked up by talking shit. | ||
| He just destroyed her Tiger Woods style in front of Twitter, in front of everybody, in front of everything, her career. | ||
| And the mother of their two children. | ||
| But if he didn't do that, let's just play devil's advocate. | ||
| If he didn't do that, let's say that she just got super dramatic and fell down and decided to call the cops. | ||
| Or maybe he grabbed her when she was doing something wacky and she fell down and hurt herself. | ||
| I don't know if that happened. | ||
| I'm certainly not defending anybody who would do anything to a woman for no reason like that. | ||
| Anybody who loses their temper and physically assaults a woman. | ||
| I'm not defending that. | ||
| But... | ||
| I've been in situations where people have accused me of things that I haven't done, and I know people that have been accused of rape, and I know... | ||
| You want to tell your story? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Let's tell your story, because Brian has a great story. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of in the same situation. | ||
| Back in the day, I dated a girl that was completely... | ||
|
unidentified
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And how many... | |
| This is a long time ago. | ||
| How many years ago? | ||
| This is like 10 years ago. | ||
| 10 years ago, okay. | ||
| I dated this girl that was a blackout, crazy drunk. | ||
| Like, every time... | ||
| Like, her parents were drunks... | ||
| Since she was 18, she'd black out every day, just drank like boons, like five bottles of boons. | ||
| And how old was she when you were dating? | ||
| I would say she was like 22, something like that. | ||
| 21, 22, something like that. | ||
| And I broke up with her because she was just one of those girls that would like cheat on you like five times a day. | ||
| You're just like, come on! | ||
| My first girl was like that too. | ||
| You still got a dick in you! | ||
| Take the dick out first and then, you know. | ||
| But no, so one time, it was like, it was always one of those things, like, I'd break up with her, and then I was like, oh god, she has big tits, I got, you know, oh, gotta fuck her again. | ||
| But then one time, it was like six months, we go by, she's just trying and trying, and finally I'm like, alright, look, it's my sister's birthday this weekend, we're gonna go out and have some drinks if you wanna come out, but you have to be cool, you know, you can't, you know, whatever. | ||
| And so she came out fucking stupid, it was blackout drunk, fucking embarrassing people, you know, I had to like, Get her in the car and stuff. | ||
| Get back to my house and I'm like, look, I'm going to bed. | ||
| You can crash downstairs or I can call you a cab or something, but you're not allowed to drive. | ||
| And she goes, I'm fucking driving, yeah! | ||
| Starts breaking my shit, just destroying my house. | ||
| I'm talking about taking picture frames and smashing it, throwing things. | ||
| I had this huge dent in my refrigerator where she threw something at my refrigerator. | ||
| And I'm grabbing her, like, stop, stop! | ||
|
unidentified
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Get the fuck out of my house, you crazy woman! | |
| And so I opened the door, threw her outside. | ||
| I literally threw her, not like, hey, threw her against a brick wall or anything. | ||
| I just pushed her out the front door, slammed the door, went upstairs, went to bed, and forgot all about it. | ||
| How bold are you? | ||
| That's a bold pimp move right there. | ||
|
unidentified
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Throw her out the door and slam it and lock it. | |
| If you saw the shit that she was doing in my house... | ||
| Did you not look out the door to see where she went or anything? | ||
| I did not care. | ||
| I was so upset because my... | ||
| Didn't you just assume she would just start lighting your house on fire? | ||
| Yeah, I think to a point I probably looked outside to see if she walked down to her car or something like that. | ||
| But what she did was go to my neighbor's, start banging on their door at 2 in the morning and go, He threw me outside! | ||
| He won't drive me home! | ||
| Call the police! | ||
|
unidentified
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I need to go... | |
| Oh no. | ||
| See, that's why you have to pay attention. | ||
| I slept through all this. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| I guess the cops came. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Then I woke up in the morning, casually went downstairs making coffee, get a doorbell, ring the door, open the door, and the cops go, hey Brian, damn, we wish you wouldn't answer the door. | ||
| We need to arrest you. | ||
| And I go, what? | ||
| And they're like, well, we got three charges for your arrest. | ||
| I guess you wouldn't drive her home and you wouldn't let her leave the house or something like that because I wouldn't let her drive. | ||
| It was unlawful restraint because I wouldn't... | ||
| You wouldn't give her keys? | ||
| Yeah, I wouldn't give her keys because she was blackout wasted. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, girl. | |
| You should have called the cops. | ||
| I should have called the cops. | ||
| Yes, absolutely. | ||
| But when you're young and... | ||
| Okay, so you were falsely accused, sort of. | ||
| You were involved in a fucked up situation where it's basically a form of karma. | ||
| I mean, you were involved with someone you shouldn't have been involved with. | ||
| You knew your instincts were telling you to avoid them. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| The tits sucked you back in. | ||
| The tits sucked me right back in. | ||
| So anyways, I got all these charges against me. | ||
| And then I had to go to court, spend, I think it was $20,000 in court fees. | ||
| I had to go to all these different things. | ||
| I had to go to a psychiatrist that they made you go to. | ||
| And this is, by the way, all nicknamed the O.J. Simpson Law. | ||
| Because after the O.J. Simpson trial, they now have a woman, if a woman wanted to, she could go through the phone book and go, arrest this person. | ||
| They hit me. | ||
| And without asking anything or anything, they have to automatically arrest that person, put them in the system. | ||
| Don't tell people this shit. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| People are going to start using that. | ||
| We're not responsible. | ||
| Brian just made that up. | ||
| Yeah, made that up. | ||
| So I had to go to like the psychiatrist and this one person, he was like, the deciding factor. | ||
| If this person says that they believe I'm a crazy woman beater, then it has to go to trial. | ||
| And so we sit down and then he goes, excuse me, what was the woman's name? | ||
| This is in the psychiatrist meeting. | ||
| I'm like, I told her to name. | ||
| They're like, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to stop this right now. | ||
| I actually graduated with her. | ||
| I'm going to have to get my partner in on this. | ||
| And so he couldn't interview me. | ||
| And so I think he's like, To the partner, I'm like, all right, this is this guy's friend, you know, that went to school with this girl. | ||
| The guy sats and listens to me five minutes goes, yes, this is good to trial. | ||
| He is out of control. | ||
| And the whole time I'm like, I went home. | ||
| She was going crazy. | ||
| I stepped up, you know, and so then I had to go to court. | ||
| So this guy would like the girl or something? | ||
| She went to high school. | ||
| They graduated together in the same class. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| So he hooked it up for his friend. | ||
| Well, if you worked with your partner and You're like, hey, I went to school with this girl, fuck this guy up. | ||
| That's probably what happened. | ||
| So I had to go, then go back to court to get the judge to approve a separate person. | ||
| I had to say, look, they went to high school together, and then they whispered. | ||
| So then I had to go to this other... | ||
| But you got that off? | ||
| Yeah, I had to go to court, though, pay an extra, what, $10,000? | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, my God. | |
| Get that. | ||
| Then finally what happens, they dropped everything. | ||
| This is like $20,000 worth of court fees. | ||
| Going to court for about two years. | ||
| They dropped everything for, what's that ticket where you can go outside and just scream outside? | ||
| It's like a minor ticket. | ||
| It's like a $50 ticket. | ||
| Disturbing the peace? | ||
| Yeah, disturbing the peace. | ||
| But it's called something else. | ||
| It's called something else. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But I got that. | ||
| Let's see if any of these fucking degenerates will know what that means. | ||
|
unidentified
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Uh... | |
| Yeah, so it got all that drop to that. | ||
| And the day... | ||
| Mr. Jones 930 says, let's hear the real story. | ||
| You Chris Browned that bitch. | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| What's funny is I have a mugshot. | ||
| And in the mugshot, I have a black eye. | ||
| And my nose is all fucked up. | ||
| Because she threw something at me. | ||
| And it hit me in the face. | ||
| And I didn't even know about it. | ||
| So the moral of the story is, if you know a crazy bitch, get the fuck away from her. | ||
| Disorderly conduct. | ||
| Disorderly. | ||
| But here's the funniest thing. | ||
| Right when I did that, the next day after the trial where they ended it and say, all right, disorderly contact, pay a ticket, she called me. | ||
| She goes, I want you to know I'm so sorry about this. | ||
| I actually didn't press charges or anything. | ||
| The police pressed charges and they wouldn't let me, they wouldn't drop the charges. | ||
| That's a true story. | ||
| She's like, I had nothing to do with this. | ||
| I was pissed off that night. | ||
| That's all that happened. | ||
| I went to the cop. | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| Well, that's the truth. | ||
| That is a part of the law. | ||
| If you get accused of any sort of domestic violence, the police have to try the case. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, the law has to try the case. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A woman can't just drop it. | ||
| You can't drop domestic violent cases. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pretty nutty, when you think about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, that is the problem. | ||
| There's a lot of people that do a lot of fucked up things to human beings, for sure, and there should be laws to protect people, but we don't know who's telling the fucking truth. | ||
| And if you run in bad circles and you hang out with crazy bitches, you could have a bad situation. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So that's what sucks about this whole thing with them because they're celebrities. | ||
| If all that shit was on TMZ, Tito and Jenna, if all my shit was on TMZ... That would be intense. | ||
| People would think that you're a woman beater. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Automatically. | ||
| I've already just told you soon. | ||
| Probably half the people there think I'm lying. | ||
| I've never had a chick hit me. | ||
| I had a chick swing on me once and I ducked under and grabbed her. | ||
| And then I calmed her down. | ||
| And then it got okay after that. | ||
| But I've never been in a situation where I hated somebody. | ||
| Where I was with them and I hated them. | ||
| But I know people who have, man. | ||
| I know people that are in relationships that they fucking hate. | ||
| And it's almost always people that had really fucked up parents. | ||
| It's almost always people that had parents that fought and for some reason they think that it's normal. | ||
| And especially when you're young, they kind of like it. | ||
| Because they think it makes them feel like an adult, like they're doing adult type shit like their parents did. | ||
| They're fucking screaming and yelling at each other. | ||
| There's been many times, especially when I was way, way younger, my early days before I I had a grip on the type of girls to date and the type of girls not to date. | ||
| If a girl was hot, I would date her. | ||
| It didn't matter if she yelled at me. | ||
| I mean, you had to be really fucked up for me to break up with you. | ||
| You know, especially in Boston because It's so hard to get laid in Boston. | ||
| In Boston, if you're single, you're fucked. | ||
| It's not like, too much stevia? | ||
| No, I got all grinds at the end. | ||
| I make cowboy coffee. | ||
| I make coffee with a French press, and at the end of it, you get grinds. | ||
| But I like it. | ||
| It's all gritty. | ||
| But it's so hard to get laid in Boston. | ||
| And when you're a teenager, man... | ||
| I don't know about you, but me when I was a teenager, I had to get laid. | ||
| To stay sane, I had to get laid. | ||
| Otherwise, sex was all I thought about all fucking day. | ||
| You know, nature has you primed for that. | ||
| Nature has it set up so that if you're not fucking, okay, and if you're like 17, 18 years old and you're not fucking, that's all you're going to be thinking about. | ||
| You're not going to be able to concentrate on anything. | ||
| And you can get distracted so easy. | ||
| You could get just completely removed from whatever path you're on. | ||
| If you're trying to become a fucking sprinter in the Olympics or you're trying to become an author. | ||
| Whatever you're doing, if you're not getting laid, a girl can come in and just fuck up the whole situation just by giving you pussy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when you're 30-something years old and you've been around the block a few times, then it becomes a matter of, okay, who's the dummy here? | ||
| Who's the one who's being silly? | ||
| Why are you getting involved with these crazy bitches? | ||
| This is what people need to do. | ||
| First of all, you need to get your own shit together. | ||
| That's number one. | ||
| You need to be a happy person. | ||
| A lot of people don't like weed, but here's one of the things that weed is really good for. | ||
| If you smoke weed and get paranoid and you start freaking out about things, almost always those things that you're freaking out about are things that are in your subconscious that you're not comfortable about. | ||
| The things that have been bothering you for a long time and you've been just trying to push them to the back of your head. | ||
| And when you smoke pot, whatever it is about pot, especially when you get too hot, There's a quality to marijuana that makes you think about shit that you're suppressing. | ||
| It makes you think about things from your past that you don't like. | ||
| It makes you think about things that you did. | ||
| And it makes you think about your own issues. | ||
| Especially marijuana and the isolation tank together. | ||
| Dude, you haven't even used my tank. | ||
| Have you done the isolation tank lately? | ||
| Have you been still doing that a lot? | ||
| I always do it. | ||
| I wanted to do it last night, but I was too tired. | ||
| I had to get up early in the morning and do radio for Montreal. | ||
| I'm in Montreal May 8th, I believe. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| At the Metropolis. | ||
| Is it May 8th? | ||
| I think it's May 8th. | ||
| Metropolis in May. | ||
| It might be May 7th. | ||
| 7th or 8th. | ||
| Should I find out? | ||
| I'm probably sure. | ||
| By the way, your Twitter name is now Joe Rogan. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So, it's not JoeRogan.net anymore. | ||
| Yeah, there was a... | ||
| I fucking... | ||
| I scored. | ||
| I got it back. | ||
| There's apparently a thing where you can... | ||
| Where you can report when people are hijacking your image. | ||
| They're squatting your name. | ||
| You know what's funny is that when they switch it over, they just deleted Joe's JoeRogan.net name, so they just let it free again. | ||
| So anyone could get it. | ||
| And so I noticed it right away, and I grabbed it. | ||
| But I didn't tell Joe. | ||
| And I looked at him like, motherfucker, somebody got my shit. | ||
| So I sent an email thing to him, a message to him saying, hey, I will give you an autographed DVD and a CD if you give me that. | ||
| I should have played along, but I was like, I know how much you hate practical jokes. | ||
| I wasn't even going to do it. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| But it's funny because I don't know if you looked at the photo. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net now on the Twitter, if you look at the photo, I made his head more tilted so it looked gayer. | ||
| So you'd be more pissed. | ||
| You'd be like, what? | ||
| Alright, I got it. | ||
| It's May 7th. | ||
| May 7th, I'm in the metropolis in Montreal. | ||
| So, anyway, we were talking about having crazy people in your life and sex. | ||
| And isolation tanks. | ||
| And isolation tanks. | ||
| And about having good relationships, like the best way to have a good relationship, you've got to be comfortable with who the fuck you are. | ||
| And if you've got a lot of issues, a lot of stuff that's bothering you, that's going to fuck up any chance you have of communicating well with other people. | ||
| Because as soon as you're comfortable with another person, when you first meet someone, you don't really let them in and you sort of project who you want to be to this person. | ||
| And then the person does the same thing to you. | ||
| But after like a few months or a few weeks, depending on, you know, how good your act is, most people, you get to know who the fuck they really are and what their real issues are, you know, after a while. | ||
| When they start yelling at you, when they get upset at you for no reason or something, you start like tuning it all in and going, oh, okay, you're fucking bananas. | ||
| You know, you gotta not be bananas in order to get someone who's not bananas. | ||
| Like, dudes will always say, like, yeah, man, I'm fucking trying to find a good girl, dude. | ||
| I'm just tired of all these bitches. | ||
| Like, meanwhile, you're a mess, bro. | ||
| You're a fucking mess. | ||
| You're a loon. | ||
| You hate your stepdad. | ||
| You know, you want to fucking beat dudes up at stoplights. | ||
| You know, you're a mess. | ||
| And unless you stop being a mess, you're never going to be involved in a good relationship. | ||
| You're never going to be able to recognize, you know, other people that are fucked up. | ||
| Like, I've always said that one of the things about trying to be, like, super honest, and I try to be literally as honest as possible. | ||
| Like, it sounds really kind of gay, but I really do try two very important things. | ||
| One, I try to be as nice to people as possible. | ||
| And by as nice as possible, I wish I could be nice to everybody, but some people are fucking obsessive and they won't leave you alone. | ||
| Or they're bananas, or they're retarded, or they're abusive, or they try to take advantage of you if you're nice. | ||
| I mean, there's some people that you can't be nice to, unfortunately. | ||
| There's some people that, you know, they need fucking years of therapy, and when you run into them, you don't have the time for that. | ||
| So you gotta go, dude, leave me the fuck alone. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| You know, and it's unfortunate you have to do that, but sometimes you have to do that. | ||
| So I try to be as nice as is humanly possible to get through my life. | ||
| And number two, I try to be as honest as is humanly possible. | ||
| I try to always be honest. | ||
| I try to make sure that everything I'm doing, I'm doing from a place where I can be honest about it. | ||
| And if you can't be honest about it, for the most part, there's one thing. | ||
| One thing is being honest. | ||
| Another thing is like TMZ type shit, like revealing all sorts of information about your personal life because people are creepy and they want to look into it. | ||
| That's not honesty. | ||
| That's like a revealing thing. | ||
| And I'm not really into that. | ||
| I'm not really into like... | ||
| Going on a reality show and having everybody see my bathroom. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| That's not honesty. | ||
| That's just weird voyeuristic shit that people get obsessed with. | ||
| But what I am into is telling you where I'm really coming from and what's going on in my own mind. | ||
| And be comfortable with that to the point where I am so honest all the time that I can recognize deception right away. | ||
| I find that to be really true. | ||
| If you're a really honest person, when people are full of shit, you just fucking spot it right away. | ||
| It's really difficult to lie to an honest person. | ||
| Really hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't lie! | |
| Remember that? | ||
| We did videos, and for a while, after every video, Brian was going, don't lie! | ||
| And really, it's a fucking awesome philosophy. | ||
| Me and Eddie Bravo would have a competition who did it best, remember? | ||
| Yeah, he tried to be. | ||
| No, I can do it better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't lie! | |
| Eddie's crazy. | ||
| He's very competitive. | ||
| He is a very competitive guy. | ||
| Very competitive. | ||
| I guess you have to be when you do that. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, he grew up in a situation where he had a douchebag for a stepfather and, you know, his whole life has been trying to fight against people that are fucking with him. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So, like, he became hyper-competitive because of that. | ||
| Anyway, so that's my advice and to that bitch-ass dude that's banging Larry King's wife and running your mouth, you faggot. | ||
| Turn in your man card, you little bitch of a man. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's how you're getting by in this life. | ||
| You're getting your money from ratting out some woman that you fucked on her husband's bed. | ||
| You silly man. | ||
| You silly, silly man. | ||
| And apparently, Larry King had helped this guy and gotten this guy like acting gigs. | ||
| Like, keep your mouth shut, son. | ||
| You know, why are you trying to hurt Larry King? | ||
| What are you getting, like 10 grand out of this, you little faggot? | ||
| How much are you getting? | ||
| I mean, how much are they going to pay him? | ||
| He's probably doing it for the fame, too. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's like Spencer Pratt style. | ||
| There should be a sitcom where it takes all these people called Man Card, where they try to earn their Man Card back. | ||
| You know, where he has Spencer Pratt, this guy, and they all live in a house together. | ||
| Spencer Pratt is a fucking Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. | ||
| He fears no man. | ||
| Have you seen him on that show? | ||
| He's playing black belt. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hate that. | |
| I hate that hill shit. | ||
| I hate that shit. | ||
| Well, look, we're talking about him, and that's all he wants. | ||
| And meanwhile, he's making a living. | ||
| He doesn't have to work at 7-Eleven. | ||
| Have you watched the show 16 and Pregnant? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| Apparently, Eddie Bravo says, I must watch this. | ||
| I'm going to write this down. | ||
| Bad Girls Club. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Apparently, Bad Girls Club is ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's just like them all, though. | ||
| Like, 16 and Pregnant is even more fun. | ||
| Do you have your email on or something? | ||
| What's that thing that keeps going on? | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| So what is this show? | ||
| 16 and Pregnant. | ||
| I've seen one episode and it's all white trash kids and they're yelling at their parents, their parents are yelling at them. | ||
| I was like, I don't want to be trash. | ||
| It's awful. | ||
| It's the worst show ever. | ||
| That's like too much info. | ||
| That's a perfect example. | ||
| We were in Ikea though the other day and they had like a kid's room like it was like a bunk bed and I was real happy but then there was like a place for a baby and I'm like wait is this just like a Is this a poor person with only one bedroom and had to share sister and baby? | ||
| Or is this like, no, this girl has a baby and she's like 15? | ||
| Oh my god, she's in a bunk bed and she's got a crib there? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm like, what is IKEA doing? | ||
| I don't think that's what they're feeling. | ||
| I think they're just trying to maximize bedrooms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think they're trying to market to the 60th pregnant crowd. | |
| This is for too many people, Mexicans living in an apartment or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know what, man? | ||
| With this economy being the shitter the way it is, people are stacking more people into houses together. | ||
| I know a person that lives down the street from me is losing their house. | ||
| People are losing their houses left and right. | ||
| People who have a really highfalutin lifestyle and spend tons of money and get used to it and get used to trying to bling-bling and then the shit hits the fan. | ||
| I was thinking about moving the other day. | ||
| Just you get sick of a place and you just want to upgrade. | ||
| You always feel like you have to upgrade your shit. | ||
| I tore out all my carpet, have like wood floors underneath it. | ||
| Now it looks great. | ||
| Now I'm like, I'm fine. | ||
| Yeah, you just needed to change. | ||
| I think, you know, when I moved to Colorado, that was a good thing for me too. | ||
| Just to change environments. | ||
| I think changing is good for your brain. | ||
| I think it like re-fires your brain up. | ||
| Like your brain has to learn this whole new environment. | ||
| I had a whole new friends, the people I'd run into at Jiu Jitsu, whole new people I was meeting. | ||
| Whole new comedy clubs where I was working on my stuff. | ||
| It was very interesting to me. | ||
| It made me fire my brain up. | ||
| I think that's a good thing to do. | ||
| You have to shop it once in a while. | ||
| The other thing is you build a base though. | ||
| I have a base in LA. I have all my friends live in LA. My wife's friends live in LA. I have my whole system set up where I buy my dog food. | ||
| I have the guy who works on my car. | ||
| I have all this shit in LA where I train all the dudes that I've been training with for years. | ||
| It's like you get real comfortable with that system and it's very convenient. | ||
| And when you move, you gotta like re-configure your whole situation. | ||
| The problem is women. | ||
| You know, you bring women and then they have friends. | ||
| Like Chuck Liddell said, he goes, I can go to a sports bar. | ||
| I'm there for a fucking hour. | ||
| I got nine new friends. | ||
| It's totally true. | ||
| It's totally true because he's the fucking coolest guy ever. | ||
| He's super friendly. | ||
| He's like, you want a beer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want a beer? | |
| Come on, I'll buy a beer. | ||
| Are you clinking beers with some guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you do? | |
| I'm a fucking plumber. | ||
| Hey, you know. | ||
| I'm this, I'm that. | ||
| And guys can meet guys like that. | ||
| I tell a story about the one time that I hosted a Jack and Jill strip club in Rhode Island. | ||
| I've told you this story before, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| It was a male and a woman stripper. | ||
| And it was horrific. | ||
| They were both disgusting. | ||
| There was like maybe six to ten people in the audience at most during the whole night's performance. | ||
| And I had to perform a bunch of times. | ||
| I would go up and do stand-up. | ||
| And then the male stripper would go on. | ||
| I would go up and do stand-up. | ||
| And then the female stripper would go on. | ||
| And they would do shifts. | ||
| And they would take some time off. | ||
| And then I would go on stage again. | ||
| And they would start the show all over again. | ||
| The woman would go up. | ||
| And the guy would go up. | ||
| Everyone in the audience was like these weird people from this area of Woonsocket, Rhode Island, but there was this one dude who was there who was a construction worker from New Jersey, and he just happened to be in town because there was a marriage or something like that, a wedding that he had to go to for, you know, some of his family, and he was bored, so he got out of the house to go have a beer. | ||
| There's a bar down the street, so he goes to this Jack and Jill strip club, and he was a totally normal dude, and me and him were talking, having beers, like, well, he goes, what the fuck are we witnessing? | ||
| Are you seeing what we're witnessing? | ||
| And this was like one normal dude and me, After the first two beers, it's like, I hadn't known this dude for fucking ten years. | ||
| We're just doing one place in pool. | ||
| Yeah, let's fucking play some pool. | ||
| So there's a little corn-operated pool table. | ||
| We're playing pool, making fun of the whole situation. | ||
| Like, I found a friend. | ||
| Like, for girls, that's hard to do, man. | ||
| Bitches don't trust each other, man. | ||
| I learned that from having dogs. | ||
| You know, having pit bulls. | ||
| I had two female pit bulls, and one of them killed the other one. | ||
| They would fight and I would separate them and I thought they worked their shit out because the way dogs work their shit out is one dog will dominate the other dog and then you figure out who the alpha is. | ||
| They have to do that. | ||
| They have to figure out who gets to drink first, who gets to eat first. | ||
| That's just the wild animal world. | ||
| And you have to be number one. | ||
| That's why you can never let your dog get away with shit. | ||
| You can never let your dog growl at you. | ||
| You can never let your dog do things they're not supposed to do because you have to be the alpha, especially if you have big dogs. | ||
| Well, this doesn't work with females. | ||
| Females never accept dominance. | ||
| They would always come back and try to battle it out again. | ||
| And that's what they did until one of them killed the other one. | ||
| And I think that's how women are with women, man. | ||
| I think women can be friends with women, and they have really close friends, and they go all sex in the city and pal around together and shit like that. | ||
| But it's real difficult for them to make that kind of a bond. | ||
| Right. | ||
| To trust another woman, to trust them, and this, that. | ||
| It's... | ||
| I think it's easier for dudes, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| It seems like that's the catfight thing. | ||
| Yeah, especially if there's dudes that are doing stuff that you like to do, like comics. | ||
| If I meet comics, I can go to a new town and do stand-up and there's some local comics. | ||
| I'll fucking meet local comics all the time. | ||
| Next thing you know, we're out having a beer together. | ||
| We're hanging around. | ||
| We have something in common. | ||
| Or jujitsu guys. | ||
| Like, there's like fucking ten dudes in jiu-jitsu that I train with all the time that could totally be good friends of mine. | ||
| They're just, you know, dudes that... | ||
| Especially jiu-jitsu guys because they have good control over their ego. | ||
| You know, jiu-jitsu guys... | ||
| To get good at jiu-jitsu, you have to battle it out all the time and you have to be real objective. | ||
| You can't be delusional at jiu-jitsu. | ||
| You have to really know what your strengths are, what your weaknesses are, and you've got to be able to deal with tapping out. | ||
| You've got to be able to deal with dudes dominating you. | ||
| Because in the beginning... | ||
| For sure you're going to get dominated. | ||
| Everybody gets dominated in the beginning. | ||
| Nobody, unless you're just so big that nobody can touch you, some 300-pound Brock Lesnar character, you know, you're going to get tapped out in the beginning. | ||
| So you have to have the kind of ego to deal with that. | ||
| But for women, I don't know, I think it's much more difficult. | ||
| It was really difficult for my wife, especially when you have a little baby. | ||
| You know, what are you going to do? | ||
| Are you going to meet some other lady who has a baby? | ||
| And how much are you going to have in common with this broad? | ||
| What if she's Christian? | ||
| What if she goes all Looney Tooney on you and wants to fucking talk about Noah's Ark and shit? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got some guy fucking cornered me at the supermarket the other day. | ||
| Some dude that I guess I'd met him before, but I forgot. | ||
| You know, there's some law that you can only or there's some studies that say that you can only keep like 150 people that you know in your head. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| No, I haven't seen that, but I totally believe it because I think mine's like 10. Seriously, I don't know if it's from weed or I just don't care. | ||
| There's so many things when I'll meet somebody or somebody tells me something and if I don't care about it, I put that on the coffee table and that's about to get thrown out. | ||
| I don't put it in my deep storage. | ||
| I put it in my random memory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, here it is. | |
| There's, I don't know, working memory. | ||
| I'm trying to find it on Google, and I don't want to waste too much time looking for this. | ||
| Apparently, you can only have real relationships where you know 150 people, where you know their name. | ||
| You only have a certain amount of space in your hard drive when it comes to human beings. | ||
| That, to me, reinforces my feelings that human beings are supposed to live in small tribes. | ||
| We're not supposed to live in these gigantic You know, fucking tribes of hundreds of millions of people. | ||
| Well, it's also, if you ever get a Simon Says, you know, where you follow the colors, it also is a, I don't know if it's a, we're supposed to live in small tribes, as in, if I can do Simon Says, but right up to like the 14th one, My brain falls off and it's always like the 14th one. | ||
| It's almost like that's just my max, you know, like that's my hard drives full. | ||
| I can't do anything past this 14. I might be able to train myself to to like micromanage how many things I can remember. | ||
| But it's weird. | ||
| Like if I pick up a Simon Says right now, once I hit the 14th one, I can't do it. | ||
| Like it just turns off almost. | ||
| Well, I think everybody has a different threshold for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Oh, I'm saying everyone does. | ||
| But I think for names, it's pretty... | ||
| Wouldn't that fall on the same thing, though? | ||
| Just memory? | ||
| Well, think about how many words you know. | ||
| We know thousands of words, and words that we don't even use. | ||
| Yeah, but that takes up most of our hard drives. | ||
| Yeah, but that takes up most of our hard drives. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| How about those fucking people that just spout out, you only use 5% of your brain. | ||
| It's always some random number. | ||
| You only use 10% of your brain. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Do you even know what the fuck you're talking about? | ||
| Are you just reciting some shit that someone told you in high school? | ||
| This is the year of Google, right? | ||
| You're not supposed to be just saying we only use 2% of our brain. | ||
| You don't fucking know. | ||
| But anyway, this dude that I met at the grocery store, I did not remember him. | ||
| And he said he's from jiu-jitsu. | ||
| So I said, hey, what's up, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How you doing? | |
| So I think it's just going to be one of those casual, what's up, man? | ||
| How you doing things? | ||
| And he's like a little taken aback that I don't remember him. | ||
| And then ha ha ha. | ||
| And he laughs. | ||
| It was real awkward socially. | ||
| So take care, man. | ||
| So I'm shopping. | ||
| I'm doing all my shit. | ||
| And then I'm leaving, and when I'm going out to my car, he hits me with, Joe! | ||
| You go to church. | ||
| And I'm like, no, you motherfucker. | ||
| And I've got a car, and I want to unload my food, and I want to get the fuck home. | ||
| And this dude is cornering me in the parking lot. | ||
| And so I say, no, I don't. | ||
| He said, are you interested? | ||
| And I say, no, I'm not. | ||
| And he goes, have you talked to blank? | ||
| And I don't want to say who blank is. | ||
| But he is a friend of mine, and he was saying that this guy, has he talked to you about the Lord? | ||
| This guy is fucking, this guy who we're talking about, this friend of mine is fucking bananas, alright? | ||
| You know, nothing wrong with cheating on your wife, but this guy, like, literally was planning on killing her. | ||
| I mean, he's fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he's crazy. | ||
| He didn't do anything, and he got away with her. | ||
| But the guy he was talking about was like... | ||
| I don't want to say anything other than he's probably one of the worst examples you could ever possibly use. | ||
| He just doesn't know. | ||
| No, it's the best example he could have used for religion. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I mean, this guy, he just doesn't know that this guy's bananas. | ||
| Because a lot of people don't know this guy's bananas. | ||
| So I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| I don't have time to break all this shit down for you. | ||
| If it's helping you, that's all well and good. | ||
| But just running up to people and thinking you're going to save them in the parking lot because you couldn't get your shit together, you don't have to save me. | ||
| I'm pretty fucking happy. | ||
| And if you really truly believe that the only way I'm going to get to go to heaven is Kirk Cameron style, where you have to accept the Lord. | ||
| You ever seen Kirk Cameron go up to gangbangers? | ||
| You gotta Google that shit on YouTube. | ||
| Watch Kirk Cameron's videos where he goes up to people and uses his fucking 13-year-old logic. | ||
| He uses like fucking 7th grade logic on these people. | ||
| When you Google it, type in Kirk Cameron owned video. | ||
| There's a lot of those. | ||
| Because that's even better. | ||
| Yeah, when he starts talking to people who actually read, he's fucked. | ||
| Yeah, it's awesome. | ||
| He's so bananas. | ||
| I think Kirk Cameron is almost definitely gay. | ||
| The more I watch him in these videos, the more I'm like, there's nothing masculine about this man. | ||
| He's very submissive in his desire for chastity and his desire for... | ||
| If I met him, I think I would go over the edge and just... | ||
| Try to kiss him? | ||
| Yeah, I'd pull out my dick and just start going like, look at it, look at it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would go to jail for that. | |
| I might fuck him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I might fuck the shit. | |
| Just hold him down. | ||
| Hold him down and jerk off on his chest or something like that. | ||
| See what he does. | ||
| Start sticking his tie out. | ||
| No! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop! | |
| You know, what sucks is I used to like him back in the day with the show, with the growing pains, but I also thought that Tracy Gold was hot, so I guess I'm just stupid. | ||
| Well, his wife was super hot, right? | ||
| Or she is? | ||
| Is that the Juan? | ||
| Still his wife? | ||
| Oh, no, his real wife. | ||
| Yeah, his real wife is super hot. | ||
| There's something the matter with that dude. | ||
| He's chasing down the Lord. | ||
| You know, I can understand you wanting to study what Christianity, what to me, in my opinion, is an ancient philosophy. | ||
| It might be incredibly flawed, but there's some very good things to it. | ||
| There's some very good ideas. | ||
| Love one another as you would love yourself. | ||
| Treat each other as brothers and sisters. | ||
| All that stuff is very good, but it's got a lot of wacky nonsense in it that makes no fucking sense. | ||
| And if you really want to study it, that's your thing. | ||
| Look, there's nothing wrong with people studying Greek mythology. | ||
| Getting into Zeus and Mithra and all that crap. | ||
| That's kind of cool stuff. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| But when you really get into Christianity and start thinking that this is the real stuff, like this is the... | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| And then you're going to grab other people and, you need to listen to me. | ||
| You need to listen to me. | ||
| It's all parents, though. | ||
| I would never have thought that if my parents, when I was a kid, would go, look. | ||
| Some people know, though. | ||
| Some people are born against. | ||
| Some people are born against. | ||
| It's not their kids. | ||
| It's not their parents. | ||
| Yeah, but I bet those are, it's really hard to be a born, like, never learned it growing up and then going straight into it. | ||
| I don't think it is if your life falls apart. | ||
| I think if your life falls apart and all these people that are into Jesus seem happy and they seem like they have a path, because that's really what it's all about, man. | ||
| You know, you have to have a path. | ||
| And today, people, if you think about the way we used to live, the way our bodies are programmed to live, I mean, we're supposed to be living, you know, in fucking huts and caves and shit. | ||
| I mean, the hardware that we have right now, It's basically the same hardware, the same adrenal system, the same neurosynapses that connect the same way as people that lived 100,000 years ago. | ||
| If you took a person from 100,000 years ago and sat him in the corner right there, he would be unrecognizable. | ||
| He would be totally normal. | ||
| You wouldn't say like, what the fuck? | ||
| That's a caveman! | ||
| No, he would look just like us. | ||
| But yet 100,000 years ago, they had very different needs, man. | ||
| You couldn't... | ||
| You had shit you had to do. | ||
| You had tasks, okay? | ||
| You had to go out, you had to find that fucking food every day. | ||
| You had to hunt that shit down. | ||
| That's why there's like a visceral thrill involved in hunting. | ||
| Like, hunters will tell you, like, you ever watch like Ted Nugent talk about it? | ||
| Like, he makes it very appealing. | ||
| And Brock Lesnar, like, he's got videos of him hunting. | ||
| Like, it's a rush. | ||
| It gives these guys a rush to kill the animal and get their meat. | ||
| And it's not like a cruelty rush, like they want to kill and fucking hurt and destroy. | ||
| No, it's a... | ||
| Man is supposed to be out there shooting animals and killing them. | ||
| You ever plant food and then eat that food? | ||
| There's something very exciting about that. | ||
| Very rewarding and fulfilling. | ||
| And to a lot of people, their life is filled with nothingness. | ||
| There's no task. | ||
| Every day it's just show up at work, do what you're told, do your paperwork, stare at the clock, Beg for five o'clock. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Listen to your wife, bitch. | ||
| Have a beer. | ||
| Watch Law. | ||
| Say, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| Fall asleep. | ||
| Do it all over again. | ||
| There's no task. | ||
| There's no real... | ||
| There's no real... | ||
| So there has to be some meaning to it all. | ||
| So someone comes up to you and says, hey man, I know you feel that way. | ||
| I used to feel that too until I met the Lord. | ||
| That emptiness in your life is that you don't have the Lord. | ||
| When really that emptiness in your life is just your fucking hardware, man. | ||
| It's just your hardware. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, you think about the way we are wired. | |
| We are not wired to deal with this world that we live in right now. | ||
| We are wired to deal with thousands of years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking 1830-something was when they figured out the camera. | |
| That means everything before less than 200 years ago, if you want to know what someone looked like, someone had to draw that person for you. | ||
| Dude, think of how crazy that is. | ||
| They had to draw your... | ||
| How many fucking people can draw? | ||
| You know, I mean, how many people do we really know from before 1800 what they really looked like? | ||
| It's fucking guesswork. | ||
| Unless you were Napoleon. | ||
| You know, Napoleon, we have hundreds of drawings. | ||
| That guy, we got a pretty good idea of what he looked like. | ||
| Abraham Lincoln. | ||
| Pretty good idea of what he looked like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, but you go way, way, way back. | |
| 500 years ago. | ||
| Who the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Black people didn't exist back then. | |
| You know, white people have only existed for a short amount of time. | ||
| There was a recent study where they figured out how long white people have been around. | ||
| I believe it was like 10,000 years or something silly. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| I'm going to Google that because that's an important thing. | ||
| How long have Caucasians existed? | ||
| See, I think black people came before white people and I'm sure... | ||
| I'm sure a lot of people don't believe that, but... | ||
| You think black people came first? | ||
| In an art kind of way, like using palettes and colors, it has to go that way, you know? | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah, you can't go that way. | ||
| You know, black turns into white, but white's not going to turn into black, you know, color-wise, if you're mixing colors. | ||
| When did people evolve to be white? | ||
| What would I look for? | ||
| When did people change, become white? | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| When did people become white? | ||
| Why did people become white? | ||
| Alright, that's why. | ||
| Vitamin D probably is. | ||
| Okay, there's another saying between 100,000 and 50,000 years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Lower levels of vitamin D at higher latitudes where the sun is less intense caused a lightning effect where modern humans who began darker skin first migrated north. | ||
| So human beings have been black until about 50,000 years ago when we started moving around. | ||
| And then the climate changed us. | ||
| Pretty fucking crazy shit, man, when you really think about it. | ||
| So, this banana head that tried to convert me into Jesus, at least with Jesus you're allowed to fucking draw a picture of him. | ||
| How nutty is the fucking South Park thing? | ||
| Dude, that's ridiculous. | ||
| Did you watch the episode? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Part 1 and 2. I finally watched it. | ||
| Did you see both of them? | ||
| No, I couldn't watch it. | ||
| It was driving me crazy. | ||
| I was so mad at Comedy Central for beeping out every time they said Muhammad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, so you didn't say the first one. | |
| No. | ||
| Go see the first one. | ||
| They didn't do anything on the first one. | ||
| The second one, because of the first one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It's so annoying, though. | ||
| When you see every time they say Muhammad, it beeps. | ||
| And then how about when he's in a fucking bear suit and it comes out and it's Santa Claus in the bear suit? | ||
| Dude, the first episode, he was in a U-Haul. | ||
| Legally, that's what they thought that they wouldn't get in trouble with. | ||
| So they drove Muhammad around in a U-Haul. | ||
| They're like, is this okay, Muhammad? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's okay. | ||
| You know, Penn Gillette said something on his Twitter today, and I'm paraphrasing, but basically said the measure of a religion is how much you're afraid, you know, what you can say about a religion is how much you're afraid to talk about them, or when you're afraid to talk about them. | ||
| Like, how crazy they are, basically what he's saying. | ||
| And Penn is a A very staunch atheist and I've been friends with that guy for a long time. | ||
| He won't even consider the possibility that there's some sort of an intelligent life to it all. | ||
| He's very scientific, but unfortunately he's never done any psychedelic drugs. | ||
| He's never done anything. | ||
| He's never had a drop of alcohol. | ||
| He's never even had a single drug except for when he's had to have surgery when they had to drug him. | ||
| He takes it very seriously to be sober all the time. | ||
| Which is not well and good, but I think you can't really understand what's happening in the psychedelic experience unless you've had one. | ||
| Point is, this fucking Muhammad thing, man. | ||
| I like how they compared it, I don't know if they did it in the second episode, and the first thing they compared it to, Tom Cruise suing anyone that says he's gay. | ||
| It's kind of like the Muhammad thing, you know, where he's like, what, you're not allowed to talk about him being gay? | ||
| Listen, I'm going to tell you right now, you can talk about me being gay all day long. | ||
| You've got cocks all over you. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| If you go online, there's pictures of me with dicks all over the place. | ||
| That's the golden rule of the internet, right? | ||
| I've always said that. | ||
| If there's a picture of you on the internet somewhere... | ||
| Someone has photoshopped a dick in your mouth. | ||
| I fucking love South Park though. | ||
| I was watching Orgasmo last night. | ||
| I don't know if you've ever seen that one. | ||
| It's a movie that Trey Parker wrote and directed and stuff. | ||
| Where he's a Mormon and he gets into porn. | ||
| But that alone is a great movie. | ||
| How they're always battling religion. | ||
| Or Trey is at least. | ||
| It's just a fucking love. | ||
| They're the best. | ||
| They're the best. | ||
| They're the most prolific. | ||
| Their show's the best. | ||
| It speaks to my sense of humor the most. | ||
| It's silly, but it's spot on and brilliant. | ||
| Just the fucking Barbra Streisand dinosaur monster machine thing that they had. | ||
| I mean, even that. | ||
| Did you ever see... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think I've told you this before. | ||
| There used to be a website called shockwave.com. | ||
| It used to be shockwave.com. | ||
| Which was a bunch of Flash movies and stuff. | ||
| And they originally paid Trey Parker and Matt Stone some crazy amount of money. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| It was this show called Princess. | ||
| And what it was is they were paid tons and tons of money to do. | ||
| And they were like uncensored. | ||
| They were like, you could do whatever you want uncensored. | ||
| This is going to be big on the internet. | ||
| And we're going to give you like $30,000 an episode or something like that. | ||
| And so they hired Trey and Matt to do this series of 24 episodes. | ||
| They got to the second one, turned it in, and were like, well, this is great. | ||
| And they were like, whoa, whoa. | ||
| We sit uncensored, but this is out of control. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| This is too far. | ||
| If you go online, I have it on my website, redband.com. | ||
| Just Google Princess Trey Parker, or Princess Red Band, and you'll find it. | ||
| And what it is, it's all about this fluffy little dog. | ||
| It looks like a shit zoo. | ||
| And it just sits there, and it starts off, it's like, all about this dog, and then it's just like, crazy stuff's going on in the background that this cute dog's watching. | ||
| Like, it's watching two people fuck, it's watching somebody get murdered, it's like, it's all about this cute little dog watching all this horrific shit. | ||
| And it only got to two episodes, and even though they said they were allowed to do anything they wanted, they're like, this is too fucked up, we quit. | ||
| No, you guys keep the money. | ||
| You can't do this anymore. | ||
| It's the best... | ||
| Best two videos I've ever seen in my life and I wish Trey Parker and Matt Stone would finish that because it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. | ||
| Those guys are so crazy. | ||
| They're the craziest. | ||
| They just take things the deepest. | ||
| You know, like I remember when we saw Team America, I remember being in the theater going, I can't believe where they're going with this. | ||
| I can't, you know, when the dude starts throwing up and keeps throwing up. | ||
| To a point where it's like a fucking football field full of puke and he's laying in the center of it. | ||
| I mean, they took it to the utmost. | ||
| It's total shock humor, but brilliant shock humor. | ||
| It's not as funny the second time around like the throw-up scene. | ||
| The throw-up scene the first time around when you don't know it's coming, it's just... | ||
| God damn, it's funny. | ||
| They're the best. | ||
| If they have a movie coming out, I'm always more excited than anything else. | ||
| Except... | ||
| Them and Borat. | ||
| Or them and Ali G. It's like, close. | ||
| I don't know if Borat's ever going to work on me anymore. | ||
| I wonder what he's doing now. | ||
| I wonder if there's like a third movie. | ||
| Maybe if he takes time off. | ||
| If he goes to places where people aren't aware of it, like if he goes to the South, That's what we tried to do before. | ||
| Try to go to the South. | ||
| Well, it's almost like Mike Myers fell in the same category. | ||
| I watched the last Goldfinger movie or whatever he did. | ||
| He was just playing the same character over and over again. | ||
| The other day I watched one of my old favorite movies was So I Married an Axe Murderer. | ||
| I used to love that movie. | ||
| I watched it the other day. | ||
| I wanted to fucking puke and beat people up because it was so Dude, his last movie looked like, like, you know those movies where they have a guy who used to be funny and then all of a sudden, like in the movie, he takes a terrible turn and he's not funny anymore. | ||
| He's putting out crap and the people are shaking their heads and he's in the down spiral of his life. | ||
| That last movie where he played the Indian guy, the love guru. | ||
| Gold memory. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Love Guru. | ||
| Yeah, when you watch the ads for that, you're like, okay, what is funny about this? | ||
| This is like anti-funny. | ||
| It's like, this is like a guy who forgot what funny is, and it's just like... | ||
| But what's crazy is you go back as far as Swipe, Married, and Axe Murder, which was way before Austin Powers or any of that stuff, it destroyed that movie. | ||
| Because that was the same character as all his other movies. | ||
| It was so awful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| Man, can you imagine? | ||
| I haven't liked him since Wayne's World. | ||
| But Shrek 3 is coming out. | ||
| I'm not a Shrek guy. | ||
| Wayne's World was fucking genius. | ||
| Him and Dana Carvey were awesome. | ||
| I mean, when those movies were on, they were on. | ||
| I mean, those were great, great, fun movies. | ||
| But the new stuff he does, I don't even like the Austin Powers movies. | ||
| I never got it. | ||
| I liked them. | ||
| It's not my shit. | ||
| Did you hear about the iPhone leak? | ||
| If you don't know about this, the iPhone, they have an iPhone 4 that came out, and it's like some crazy-ass new iPhone with a front-facing camera, and well, apparently some dude, and this is the story, and a lot of people think that this is all bullshit and hype, and it's just, you know, making the iPhone story bigger. | ||
| I personally don't, because I don't think Apple would ever release a thing on purpose, you know, and have people find it. | ||
| A lot of companies do this, though. | ||
| A lot of companies, the viral marketing nowadays that's being used on the internet is so amazingly deep and you would not think of the shit that's happening right now. | ||
| Like Chuckle Dale and the Reebok commercial? | ||
| Exactly, where he's naked and all that stuff. | ||
| I mean, it's ridiculous. | ||
| I could almost see this to build hype with cell phones because if you look, there's a website called boygeniusreport.com and you could totally tell this guy's in bed or he was in bed with Blackberry at one point. | ||
| Like, there was times where it was like, alright, you got this phone like a year ahead of anybody else and you already have it and have already a video of using it and stuff like that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That seems a little fishy that your friends let you borrow it when it comes out like a year later, you know. | ||
| And I almost think it's just shit to be leaked out kind of like on the internet. | ||
| They're gonna see what people's reactions are, try to tweak things, you know. | ||
| It's almost like we're, you know, Some of it. | ||
| I'm sure some of it. | ||
| I don't know about this Apple thing, though. | ||
| It seems to me like the dude got fired. | ||
| Did he get fired? | ||
| Yeah, he got fired. | ||
| The police are involved now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The Gizmodo guy, they broke down his house. | ||
| They broke down his fucking front door, took all his computers. | ||
| The reporter that reported on this. | ||
| Well, he got a copy of it. | ||
| They paid $5,000 for the actual phone. | ||
| So they paid money for the phone, and apparently Apple's saying that that's their stolen property, and you're not supposed to be having that reporting on it. | ||
| So they went to the guy's house... | ||
| Who wrote this whole report. | ||
| Broke down his house. | ||
| Took all of his fucking computers. | ||
| Took two servers. | ||
| This guy had servers in his house. | ||
| That's a super geek. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he is a super geek. | ||
| I mean, he's the main editor of one of the biggest tech websites. | ||
| Not only does he get free shit, what I'm more interested in is imagine somebody coming to your house, taking your computer, and took everything. | ||
| That shit freaks me out. | ||
| Why take the computer, too? | ||
| Because a computer had nothing to do with a cell phone. | ||
| I think nowadays, that's one of the most scariest things ever. | ||
| Somebody can now come in and take your diary... | ||
| And put it into their database. | ||
| Your old diary, never would you ever think, like, okay, the cops just came and took my diary. | ||
| Now they know everything about me, every feeling, everything. | ||
| Now, that's what our computers are, diaries now. | ||
| Yeah, you get all your emails from, like, a fucking million years. | ||
| So this guy bought an iPhone, and now his diary is owned by the government. | ||
| Yeah, every photo he's ever taken, all on his computers. | ||
| Like, why do they think that they can just take your computers? | ||
| Is it to get, like, a track record? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's an open door that they're allowed to do it. | |
| Pretty much it's like searching your car. | ||
| Cops want to search your car regardless. | ||
| Even if they're just trying to pull you over for a seatbelt, they want to search your car and see what else they can find. | ||
| A lot of people are saying that this warrant was unlawful and that they shouldn't have been allowed to do this. | ||
| It's totally unlawful. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| It's a cell phone. | ||
| Somebody bought a cell phone from another cell phone. | ||
| Right, but they bought a stolen cell phone. | ||
| A cell phone that's basically stolen property. | ||
| I mean, the guy lost the cell phone, but it's the property of Apple. | ||
| And it's a very sensitive property because it's a prototype. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I guess you're right. | ||
| I think basically they fucked up in stealing the phone or in buying the phone. | ||
| What they should have done is given the fucking phone back to Apple. | ||
| I mean, the company doesn't want you reviewing their shit before it's out yet. | ||
| I mean, I don't think that's a huge request. | ||
| If you know that it's their shit, you're doing something illegal. | ||
| I think they more fucked up Gizmodo, more fucked up just letting everyone know who the guy who lost it is, putting his face on their website. | ||
| Yeah, they took pictures of Homeboy and everything. | ||
| Yeah, that's fucked up, man. | ||
| Well, the dude, though, was going to get busted anyway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He doesn't have his fucking phone anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really, what they should have done if they knew all this shit, is give him back his goddamn phone. | ||
| I think, or the way they should have done it is just like, oh shit, it's just a cell phone. | ||
| I'm going to chill the fuck out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What? | ||
| It's got a front-facing camera now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| You know how dumb this is all going to sound in October? | ||
| We're like, yeah, everyone's got it now. | ||
| That's going to crush AT&T's service. | ||
| If you think AT&T's service sucks a big bag of dicks now, wait until that front-facing camera comes out and everyone everywhere is going to be fucking you streaming while they're driving their car, talking, singing the fucking Black Eyed Peas. | ||
| I got a feeling. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| There's going to be a million fucking people doing that all over the country. | ||
| Bring it on. | ||
| Like I've always said, that's going to be the end of the world, is when everyone has their own channel. | ||
| And everyone basically is like a walking television channel. | ||
| And instead of like, hey, what's your fucking Facebook page? | ||
| Can I Facebook you? | ||
| What's your Twitter? | ||
| It's going to be, what channel is your life? | ||
| You're going to have a fucking helmet on, and there's going to be a front-facing camera that shows you, as you're walking through the world... | ||
| You're going to have a video camera broadcasting everything you do. | ||
| That's kind of like what Ustream does and what Justin TV does. | ||
| You know, Justin TV originally was called life casting, which was 24 hours a day following around Justin, who had a camera filming his whole entire life. | ||
| Do you remember when we were in San Francisco and Justin TV was going to give us a laptop and a backpack with a cellular connection? | ||
| That was really weird. | ||
| The dude who came to the show was so shady. | ||
| He's like, no, we're going to hook you all up. | ||
| And then we go to lunch and he goes, this is the laptop. | ||
| This is the camera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright! | |
| And then we put it back in and he's like, what were we supposed to do there? | ||
| Well, he said he was going to get it all to us, and we started making fun of it. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| We were like, what if it cuts out? | ||
| This is silly. | ||
| We've got to carry a backpack around. | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| And we decided that it would be ridiculous. | ||
| They wanted to broadcast shows. | ||
| I have enough problems with people YouTubing my shit before it's done at shows. | ||
| When you come up with new bits, you know, like sometimes when a bit like is out and it's on a CD, you know, that's to me when it's an old bit. | ||
| But if I got bits that aren't on, they haven't been on television, haven't been on CD, and you're like, oh, I've seen that bit. | ||
| You're like, you've seen it. | ||
| How have you seen it? | ||
| So I saw a YouTube clip. | ||
| Some asshole in the audience is videotaping it. | ||
| Now people are saying like it's old material. | ||
| I'm like, goddammit, it's not even done yet. | ||
| It's not done. | ||
| I hate that shit. | ||
| So when they were like, we want to Ustream your whole show, I'm like, you can't Ustream my show. | ||
| Because when the material comes out, I want at least the majority of people watching the television show, other than the people that have seen me in the clubs, I want it to be new shit. | ||
| I want the DVD to be all shit that's not on another DVD. And it's not going to work that way if there's fucking these Ustream clips and Justin TV shows everywhere. | ||
| So I thought the whole thing was too much. | ||
| And it's not that entertaining to broadcast every fucking thing you do. | ||
| I mean, with this show, I think we sit down, we do it for two hours, we bang it out, and that's it. | ||
| You don't want to just keep having content. | ||
| Where you water down what people are watching. | ||
| Well, you have no personal life. | ||
| There used to be a website called gabgab.com that I used to be addicted to, which was about maybe eight years ago. | ||
| There was this girl named Gabriel Gabriel, and she's an author in New York City. | ||
| And she life-casts herself via webcam where it would refresh every ten seconds. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Because when the internet was new, that was actually kind of cool back in the day. | ||
| She would have three cameras that would just refresh every ten seconds. | ||
| But I got addicted to watching it because it was so weird She would come home, talk to the husband, they would make dinner, then they would bring the camera into the bedroom and have sex. | ||
| That's the part I like the most, obviously. | ||
| You watch them bang? | ||
| Yeah, you watch them bang, completely naked. | ||
| Was this when people couldn't record things? | ||
| Right, yeah, this is way before that. | ||
| But it was so addicting, and then one day she just left. | ||
| And it felt like she broke up with us. | ||
| You had a time of beating off just right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like if you like turned it on, they were in the middle. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| One stroke, 15 seconds later, stroke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if they stopped, like someone stopped to answer the phone or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I mean, there was a show. | ||
| Do you remember that movie with William Baldwin? | ||
| I think it was like William, maybe Sharon Stone or something. | ||
| Splinter, I think it was called. | ||
| It was about those people that had their, I think that's the movie I'm thinking about. | ||
| Wasn't there a movie where these people all their whole lives, before Ed TV? Maybe I've got the premise totally wrong. | ||
| Something like EdTV is a perfect example. | ||
| Remember EdTV? | ||
| That basically predicted the rise of the Kim Kardashian type shows. | ||
| Basically, that's what that show was. | ||
| That movie was so ridiculous, the idea that people would just broadcast their entire lives. | ||
| How ridiculous. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| And in the end, the message was that it's too much. | ||
| The message was that it fucked up this guy's life. | ||
| He had to stop doing it to get his shit together. | ||
| Meanwhile, there's more of those goddamn shows than ever. | ||
| They're real now. | ||
| It's funny how many things from the past... | ||
| Sliver. | ||
| Sliver, that's it. | ||
| It's funny how many things in the past that people predicted are a real part of life now. | ||
| That were ridiculous back then, like this idea of EdTV. | ||
| That's a real part of our life now. | ||
| I mean, it makes you wonder about Mad Max and shit like that. | ||
| When peak oil comes and people are fucking driving biodiesel cars down the street that they made fucking corn fuel out of and fucking shooting at people trying to get fresh water. | ||
| I wonder if that really could go down like that. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I totally can believe that. | ||
| Red Band, talk about your tooth. | ||
| Brian missed last week's podcast because he was... | ||
| Have you ever chipped a tooth or a filling falling out of your mouth and you could feel the air go inside your tooth and hit your... | ||
| Yeah, my fillings fall out before. | ||
| Well, you bit a spoon, right? | ||
| Yeah, well, yeah. | ||
| I'm used to eating with plastic spoons, but... | ||
| I ran out of plastic spoon, so I went back to real spoons and I forgot. | ||
| And I always chew on the plastic spoon. | ||
| Why do you chew on a plastic spoon? | ||
| Like when I'm on the internet or whatever, I'll just like chew on it. | ||
| You know, like I'll eat yogurt and I'll just be like kind of like chewy on the spoon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| But I forgot it wasn't a plastic spoon, so I just went crunch and I'm like ahhh! | ||
| That's not smart, dude. | ||
| You shouldn't be chewing on nice spoons. | ||
| It still hurts. | ||
| I have to go back in a month to get a real thing. | ||
| That's ridiculous, son. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| What else do I want to talk about? | ||
| Oh, some dudes just said they found Noah's Ark. | ||
| Is this the same people that found it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Joe Show 1? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yeah, was that Joe Show 1? | ||
| Joe Show number 1. Yeah, there's one that we did from Atlanta. | ||
| You can find it on the internet. | ||
| You can find it on redband.com, right? | ||
| Yeah, or it's Joe Show. | ||
| Google Joe Show, all one word, Ark. | ||
| Yeah, Joe Rogan, Noah's Ark. | ||
| But anyway, there was a dude back then who said that he had found Noah's Ark. | ||
| And now apparently there's a group of evangelists that claim they've seen Noah's Ark. | ||
| Have you seen the photos of it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's kind of interesting. | ||
| You want to see it? | ||
| I'll show it to you. | ||
| God, it's so stupid. | ||
| So you're going to show me photos of a boat? | ||
| Yeah, it's a boat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm supposed to believe Bigfoot lived on this boat. | |
| Well, you never know. | ||
| Stranger things have happened. | ||
| The crazy thing about these ideas of world floods is that there was no world communication back then. | ||
| So how do you know that the flood wasn't just in your neighborhood? | ||
| And you'd think that it was... | ||
| You know, you think that it was somewhere else. | ||
| You think that it was everywhere around the world. | ||
| Like, you really don't have any idea. | ||
| Damn, look at you and your following. | ||
| Almost 110? | ||
| Yeah, 109-597, son. | ||
| Very nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| You know what's funny is MySpace, I logged in the other day and I've been losing friends like thousands and thousands at a time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you? | |
| Yeah, it's ridiculous. | ||
| Everyone's deleting their MySpace account. | ||
| I'm really thinking about maybe doing it. | ||
| I'm thinking of deleting mine too. | ||
| I just don't want to remember those days. | ||
| Those MySpace days. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty silly, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's like having a kid that you just need to cut off strings or something. | ||
| I can't find the article. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I'll look at a picture of a boat. | ||
| It's not even a boat. | ||
| It's like some wood that they found. | ||
| Some wood? | ||
| The funny thing is there's one picture that's really clear with this guy inside. | ||
| It just says, this is Noah's Ark. | ||
| It's pretty interesting because this guy is standing inside something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, see, look at this photo. | |
| you Look at this. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| This guy claims that he's inside Noah's Ark. | ||
| Isn't that... | ||
| A photo from Noah's Ark Ministries International. | ||
| I'll throw this link up. | ||
| If you just Google... | ||
| It looks like my basement. | ||
| If you just Google they found Noah's Ark, you can see it. | ||
| This is the Noah's Ark thing we're talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hate that shit. | |
| It's so annoying because I have certain people in my real life that believe all this shit. | ||
| And so they put it on Facebook and I have to like... | ||
| It hurts me to read it. | ||
| You should start trolling them. | ||
| I got trolled by that girl that pretended that she wanted to convert her friend from being... | ||
| The girl was a Hindu. | ||
| You know that video that I put online. | ||
| Her and her Dobie friends are trying to convert the Hindu girl into being Christian. | ||
| Well apparently it's a giant troll. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It wasn't over the top at all. | ||
| It was very much like Jesus Camp or any of that stuff that you know that's real. | ||
| How much can you tell about your story? | ||
| The story about your situation with the religious people that would go wacky on you? | ||
| About a certain thing in your life. | ||
| Can you not talk about that? | ||
| Let's not talk about that. | ||
| But you've got a lot of religious people in your life. | ||
| And I'm doing the exact opposite of what they would enjoy. | ||
| And the two are combining. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Did you watch the fights this weekend? | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| I didn't even know where to watch the fights. | ||
| Were they on pay-per-view? | ||
| It was pay-per-view and it was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it very UFC? Did it feel like the UFC? Yes, it felt exactly like the UFC. Are they going to keep it like that? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would love to keep doing it, man. | ||
| Doing commentary for the lighter weights. | ||
| I think those guys need more... | ||
| They deserve more credit. | ||
| They're more action-packed. | ||
| Those fights are crazy. | ||
| And right now, they're in this shadow organization of the UFC. It's a small organization. | ||
| It doesn't get nearly as much attention as the UFC... I wish we absorbed them. | ||
| I wish we had, if it was up to me, obviously it's not. | ||
| There's a lot of business contracts and all sorts of jazz, but it would be the coolest thing in the world to be able to call those lighter weight fights. | ||
| Uriah Faber fought Jose Aldo in the main event for the featherweight title. | ||
| Uriah Faber got beat up. | ||
| Got to kick the shit out of his legs. | ||
| It's an incredible fight if you watch it. | ||
| It was more incredible live watching it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because this dude just picked Uriah Faber apart, man. | ||
| Uriah Faber, I mean, some people gave him a round, I think. | ||
| I don't know what they were thinking. | ||
| Because basically, in my opinion, Aldo just dominated every single round. | ||
| And at a certain point in time, just had him mounted in a crucifix, just punched him in the face for like a minute and a half. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| I mean, he just completely dominated Faber. | ||
| And Faber is a fucking beast, man. | ||
| A beast. | ||
| Just couldn't stop the leg kicks. | ||
| Leg kicks kept coming. | ||
| You know, Aldo's so goddamn fast. | ||
| Aldo used to be a real serious soccer player, too. | ||
| He played semi-professional soccer. | ||
| And those soccer players, man, they have incredible legs. | ||
| Like, they can move really good. | ||
| Their foot works really good and they kick really hard. | ||
| And he's just so good at moving in and out. | ||
| You know, soccer is all about moving side to side, quick moves to deal with the ball. | ||
| And those guys that are real good at soccer, man, that really translates well to being able to kick, you know, throwing leg kicks and getting out of the way of leg kicks and just the ability to spring forward and spring back. | ||
| Soccer is a fucking tremendous place to start, tremendous base for certain types of fighting, especially for like Muay Thai. | ||
| You know, you guys saying Tito Ortiz and Jenna, we already talked about that, bitch. | ||
| You're going to have to go to the recording and rewind that shit, son. | ||
| We can't just be talking about it over and over. | ||
| How loud were those leg kicks? | ||
| The thing about leg kicks is, you know, Goldberg's always talking about that it's not a slap, it's a thump. | ||
| The ones that are really hard, they're not as loud. | ||
| Say if you hit someone's thigh with your open hand like that and slap the skin of their thigh, it would be really loud. | ||
| But if you hit their thigh with a baseball bat, it would be a thump! | ||
| Like a meaty thump. | ||
| And the meaty thumps are a lot more painful. | ||
| What it is is the shin just digging into the meat of the leg. | ||
| And it fucking hurts like hell. | ||
| You really can't appreciate how bad a leg kick hurts unless someone leg kicks you. | ||
| Someone good. | ||
| You know, you get like some fucking Melvin Manhoof type character, some Ernesto Hoos type dude to slam a leg kick into your leg. | ||
| You realize like, God damn, it's so fucking painful. | ||
| And that's what this guy's move was. | ||
| He just kicked his legs out from under him until he was useless. | ||
| From the second round out, he was pretty much useless. | ||
| It was sad. | ||
| You know that Mohammed South Park thing? | ||
| I really like how the extremist website kept on getting hacked. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The Islamist. | ||
| What was their name? | ||
| RadicalIslam.com? | ||
| They were from New York, right? | ||
| Fucking traitors. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| That's taken Nutty to a whole new level. | ||
| You can't even show our guy Not even a drawing. | ||
| A stick figure that didn't even look like a stick figure. | ||
| Oh, you didn't see it! | ||
| I didn't see the first episode. | ||
| The first episode, they draw Muhammad and they pulled up for a second. | ||
| It was just like a stick figure, but it was like a circle, a line, and some kind of wiggly coming out of it. | ||
| And it went like this. | ||
| They just showed it like that. | ||
| And that's Muhammad. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's incredible that here we are in 2010, and there's people out there that really believe that you shouldn't have a drawing that represents their guy, their messiah, their prophet. | ||
| And the funny thing is, this fucking guy, I said that once, and this guy emailed me. | ||
| Hey, dumbass, the reason why you're not allowed to is because they don't want you worshipping false idols and imagery. | ||
| Like, okay, I'm a dumbass, so you think it's okay to kill people because someone's drawing some fucking... | ||
| A guy that may or may not have even existed. | ||
| When you go back a couple thousand years, when you go back a thousand years plus, man, who the fuck knows what really happened? | ||
| Can I use this real quick? | ||
| I want to draw Muhammad real quick. | ||
| Don't do it, man. | ||
| We're going to die. | ||
| You're going to get killed. | ||
| You don't have anything to do about this? | ||
| I have no saying. | ||
| I cannot stop him. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Is this your Muhammad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| This is Brian's version of Muhammad. | ||
| This version of Muhammad is not sanctioned by Ustream. | ||
| No, I think it is sanctioned. | ||
| Didn't they help invest this? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, they didn't. | ||
| Okay, this is Muhammad. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's very lifelike. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Here's Mohammed with a mustache, just in case I forgot. | ||
| I guess drawing was probably way more important a couple hundred years ago before photos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| You think everybody knew how to draw? | ||
| I think people knew how to draw better. | ||
| But you think if someone raped you, you had to be able to... | ||
| Oh, to draw them, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because how bad is people's memory? | ||
| How many people have been arrested for shit because of eyewitness reports? | ||
| And people make this eyewitness report and then they arrest someone. | ||
| That's him, that's him. | ||
| And it turns out they were totally wrong. | ||
| And then they apologize and I'm so sorry. | ||
| And the person does like fucking 15 years in jail. | ||
| You know, back then what the fuck did they do? | ||
| What did they do back then? | ||
| You know? | ||
| They found the stones that look like the raper. | ||
| The stone... | ||
| This knot in this tree. | ||
| His nose resembled it. | ||
| They just had a box of stones. | ||
| Which one looked most like your race? | ||
| I love people that are really into UFOs and shit. | ||
| They talk about images that are on cave walls. | ||
| Have you ever seen the images on cave walls? | ||
| They're like flying saucers and aliens on the cave walls. | ||
| How do you know those fucking, how do you know those cave guys didn't just eat a mess of mushrooms that they found, trip their balls off, just start drawing loony shit that comes to their mind? | ||
| What if it was like a children's book for their small kid? | ||
| Like, look! | ||
| There's a man who come from the sky with free elk! | ||
| You know, you don't know what the fuck they're drawing. | ||
| You just found some scribbles on a wall. | ||
| Yeah, if you found some of my drawings, you'd be like, what? | ||
| That guy looked like a... | ||
| There was people that looked like dicks. | ||
| Get that. | ||
| You see that hand? | ||
| Not that one. | ||
| Below that. | ||
| The drawing pad? | ||
| That's some shit I found from my high school years. | ||
| Dude, that's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is from when I was like 15. Dude, that's crazy. | |
| You need to scan all this shit in, man. | ||
| Yeah, I'll put some of it online. | ||
| You are a hundred times better than I was, and I did it all the time. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| This is like from when I was a kid. | ||
| This is Super Cat, huh? | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| It's like some shit that I drew. | ||
| I used to draw a lot as Bruce Lee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's badass. | |
| I used to, uh, that's what I really used to want to be, is an artist for comic books. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's cool. | |
| Yeah, in 1982, so I guess I was 15. 1982. Yeah. | ||
| I was eight years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I was older than you, son. | |
| I love how all your shit's monsters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all death. | |
| You're so scared of monsters, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Goldilocks and two bears. | ||
| I'm going to have to do something with these because I don't really draw anymore. | ||
| Here's a Wolfman one. | ||
| I was always into werewolves. | ||
| That's why I was so bummed out that Benicio Del Toro movie fucking sucked. | ||
| Because it did fucking suck. | ||
| Act like it didn't happen. | ||
| Is that waterfalls? | ||
| That's ninjutsu. | ||
| I can do this one. | ||
| Peeing on the bed, peeing over the bed, peeing from the bed, peeing under the bed. | ||
| Wait, you drew all that? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. | ||
| It's like describing all the different ways to pee. | ||
| Different ways to pee on the bed? | ||
| It's like peeing on the... | ||
| This might have been some project that I had to do for school. | ||
| I got in trouble all the time because when I was on the wrestling team, I drew the wrestling logo for our high school wrestling team. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| I also drew the logo for our school. | ||
| We had t-shirts for Newton South. | ||
| We had lions, so I drew the lion. | ||
| I used to do that too. | ||
| I did the Worthington Kilbourne official bungee jumping shirt, which was a cardinal bungee jumping. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Oh, that's another one. | ||
| That's from a picture. | ||
| There's an old, I think it was Lon Chaney Jr. Or no, I don't remember which one. | ||
| Which werewolf movie. | ||
| Maybe it was Oliver. | ||
| I don't know which one it was. | ||
| Oh, that's badass. | ||
| Dude, look how good it looked in color. | ||
| You gotta color them. | ||
| But before, oh, here's Humpty Dumpty. | ||
| Humpty Dumpty the axe murderer. | ||
| I drew a lot of axe murderers. | ||
| You should put all this shit in your book. | ||
| Yeah, I'll do something with it, Conan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fun. | |
| That's when I was into Conan the Barbarian. | ||
| Dude, that's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, that's another werewolf. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was fucking obsessed with werewolves for whatever fucking gay reason. | |
| That's how it works. | ||
| I just, I've always loved Wolfman movies. | ||
| The werewolf though wasn't like your father or anything like that? | ||
| No, I just was, I think I was an angry kid and I was always obsessed with the idea that you could, I think what represented to me was like, you know, that You could be calm and normal and then some shit happens and just... | ||
| That's what I wanted to do. | ||
| I wanted to hulk out on people and turn into a werewolf and kill motherfuckers. | ||
| When you're an angry kid, it's never good. | ||
| I totally wanted to be a comic book artist, but my high school art teacher was a douchebag. | ||
| He was just suppressive and annoying and unhappy and had no joy. | ||
| There was no happiness, this man. | ||
| Everything was serious. | ||
| His art was serious. | ||
| He would draw. | ||
| I didn't even think he was that talented. | ||
| He would draw boring shit. | ||
| He would draw pears and stuff, like a bowl, a fruit bowl. | ||
| Like, hey, faggot. | ||
| I got a camera. | ||
| If I want to see fruit, I'll take a picture of it. | ||
| You got a photo of Wolverine fighting Spider-Man? | ||
| No, you don't? | ||
| Just shut the fuck up, because that's what I like. | ||
| And he was telling me that what I like was juvenile, and then it was foolish. | ||
| And I was like, you're just suppressing what I like. | ||
| I like watching fucking monster movies. | ||
| I like reading comic books. | ||
| Is there something wrong with that? | ||
| It's just entertainment. | ||
| I hate when people pretend that their entertainment somehow or another is more valid or more sophisticated just because it's serious. | ||
| People who love serious movies. | ||
| I don't like comic book movies. | ||
| I love serious movies. | ||
| Whatever, man. | ||
| Are you learning something when you go to see some depressing Sean Penn movie? | ||
| Are you learning something when you go to see those movies? | ||
| I'm learning to get in touch with my emotions, Joe. | ||
| It was that River movie, whatever the fuck... | ||
| River runs through it? | ||
| No, the Sean Penn one. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Mystic River? | ||
| Mystic River, is that what it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't remember. | |
| Whatever. | ||
| But it was like, you know, and everybody's like, it's such an important film. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| What film is important? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, they're fucking movies, man. | ||
| You go to a movie, you enjoy yourself, you have a good time, it takes you someplace, it gives you some thrills, you know, there's a lot of shit, you don't know what's happening, things get resolved, how's this gonna, what's gonna go down... | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's fucking entertainment. | ||
| And the idea that your entertainment, because it represents things that happen in real life, is somehow or another superior to superheroes or monsters. | ||
| Please, just stop it. | ||
| I had a good art teacher. | ||
| It's funny, because I'd get C's and D's in every class, because I would sleep. | ||
| Except for art, which I straight A pluses took every class. | ||
| But my teacher was cool. | ||
| And like a lot of my paintings, I look back and I'm like, wow, she let me do this. | ||
| Like one was called pool table on acid. | ||
| And she gave me an A minus. | ||
| And it was just a pool table with a monster coming out of it and everything was melting. | ||
| Well, why not? | ||
| I didn't have to draw fruit. | ||
| My teacher used to say shit to me like, well, what if you get a job where you have to draw a baby for a diaper commercial? | ||
| I want to see you draw a baby for a diaper commercial. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm like, oh man, why are you fucking killing my boys, dude? | |
| Draw a baby for a diaper commercial? | ||
| Is that my future? | ||
| Is that what I have to look forward to? | ||
| Drawing diaper ads? | ||
| My dream was to do comic book illustrations, and he was telling me, Basically, you need to have skills because you're not going to reach those dreams. | ||
| And what if you have a job that's just you as an illustrator doing boring stuff? | ||
| Well, you have to draw boring stuff. | ||
| And I was like, you fucking buzzkill, you know? | ||
| And this guy was just a dumpy, physically out of shape, unhealthy person. | ||
| And he was just depressed all the time. | ||
| And so I killed my, effectively, I only went for two years to art class. | ||
| I believe it was 14 and 15. I think by the time I went into my junior year of high school, I think I said, fuck that guy. | ||
| I'm tired of this. | ||
| This is annoying. | ||
| So I just drew on my own from then on. | ||
| And that effectively killed my wanting to go to school for art. | ||
| I was looking at art colleges and shit and had scholarships lined up and trying to figure out where to go. | ||
| It was the only thing I had a chance of getting any sort of scholarship in. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| But meanwhile, teachers, man, you don't realize what a gigantic fucking effect having a good or a shitty teacher can have on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But they're cutting their salaries over and over again. | ||
| I just saw they're cutting it again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think teachers should be one of the most important things ever. | ||
| Up there with doctors. | ||
| Yeah, it's gigantic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's amazing how we're so short-sighted when it comes to that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| You're raising the child from the beginning. | ||
| That should be the most important thing. | ||
| It should be huge. | ||
| People that can influence your children and people that say mean shit. | ||
| I will never forget I had a math teacher in high school who was just fucking boring and the class was boring and she was this black lady who had a black accent. | ||
| Like, she would mispronounce words all the time. | ||
| She had terrible grammar. | ||
| And yet, she would, like, shit all over you if you didn't understand her math problems. | ||
| And she was in there doing her math problem, and I was bored, and I was, like, drawing or something. | ||
| Usually that's what I did in class. | ||
| I would draw all over my notebooks or something like that. | ||
| And she goes, she looks up, and she sees me not paying attention. | ||
| So she goes, Mr. Rogan, would you like to come up here and do both of these problems for the class? | ||
| And I said... | ||
| Do you want me to do both of those problems? | ||
| And everybody started fucking howling. | ||
| And so she said, go down to the dean's office right now. | ||
| I said, okay, but when I get back, I'm gonna do both of those problems. | ||
| And everybody was laughing. | ||
| She goes, go ahead, laugh at Mr. Rogan. | ||
| Mr. Rogan ain't going nowhere. | ||
| He's going nowhere in life. | ||
| And I'm like, at least I know how to say both. | ||
| And she goes, get out of my classroom. | ||
|
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And she kicked me out. | |
| That's so that was like the beginning of my time as a stand-up comedian because I felt like I was defending myself Like I wasn't doing anything to you. | ||
| I'll just sit there scribbling in my notebook You know, I just wasn't paying attention because I was bored out of my fucking head and I had problems with authority But she just you know like to be the the lady to call on you if you ain't paying attention You know, like she would you would get mad, but I mean meanwhile this fucking bitch couldn't even speak, right? | ||
| She said both Would you like to come up here and do both of these? | ||
| I will never forget it. | ||
| It's like, in my mind, it's like a movie playing out. | ||
| Because the anger in my head that this fucking dummy was trying to make me look dumb in front of everybody just because I was scribbling and I wasn't paying attention to your... | ||
| My opinion on math was always like, okay, math is very essential, but... | ||
| Don't we have calculators now? | ||
| We do. | ||
| And isn't there like an endless supply of batteries? | ||
| There is. | ||
| Done. | ||
| Like, I'm done. | ||
| There's only a finite amount of things to pay attention to in the day, and I don't give a fuck about these wacky equations that you're making me solve and figure out. | ||
| I know how to add, I know how to divide, I know how to multiply. | ||
| Like, is it, or are we done here? | ||
| Do I have to keep going? | ||
| Is this really gonna, you're making me be a fucking square peg and fit into your fucking round hole, you know? | ||
| It's like, I'm not, I don't want to do what you want me to do. | ||
| Like, this is nonsense. | ||
| It's weird nowadays. | ||
| I can't even imagine going to school with Google. | ||
| Because then I'd be like, no, I don't want to learn it. | ||
| I could just search it if I need it. | ||
| I don't get what you... | ||
| Dude, that was a problem. | ||
| I used to watch a lot of documentaries even when I was a kid. | ||
| And I got in trouble. | ||
| Again, people always say, you're a comedian. | ||
| Were you a class clown? | ||
| I was not really a class clown. | ||
| What I used to do, though, is draw a lot of cartoons about our teachers getting involved and doing shit. | ||
| And we had this one teacher that was really annoying. | ||
| Mr. Hallman. | ||
| H-O-L-M-A-N. Very serious. | ||
| But he was wrong about a lot of shit. | ||
| And I was, you know, I was fucking 15 years old. | ||
| And I was in class. | ||
| And I was, again, bored out of my fucking mind. | ||
| He had a science class. | ||
| But at least science class was a little more interesting. | ||
| But he started going on about Lake Erie. | ||
| Lake Erie's a dead lake. | ||
| And this and that. | ||
| And he started talking about all the pollution that's involved in Lake Erie. | ||
| And I said, well, actually, I just saw a documentary that was on PBS that was talking about the resurgence of Lake Erie, about how Lake Erie, they've worked very hard to filter out the water, and they've done all these different things to cut down the pollutants, and they've seen a resurgence in the fish population, and he got all fucking mad at me. | ||
| And I was like, have you seen this documentary? | ||
| He goes, no, this is not true. | ||
| And I'm like, what do you mean it's not true? | ||
| It's on PBS. I watched it last night. | ||
| I'm like, oh, man, all right. | ||
| So you're just like them. | ||
| So the next time we're in class... | ||
| He had like these things that would pull down like projection screens. | ||
| And I pulled the projection screens up and I drew cartoons of him. | ||
| And then I pulled the projection screens down and covered them. | ||
| So he went to draw on the chalkboard, and as he pulled the chalkboard up, there's all these fucking cartoons of him saying wacky shit. | ||
| He had this thing that he would do. | ||
| He would do this crazy thing with his hands where he would move his hands like this. | ||
| And then I had this other teacher, Mr. White, and he was only like 5'2". | ||
| So I drew him all the time, but every time I drew him, I drew him standing on something. | ||
|
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He's either standing on a box or standing on a chair or standing on a stool. | |
| And I drew it just like him. | ||
| It's so funny, dude. | ||
| And I had one, an anthropology teacher, who was obsessed with Jane Goodall and the monkeys. | ||
| You know, Jane Goodall lived with chimpanzees. | ||
| So I drew this one kid who was this football player, who was a nice kid, but he was always kissing her ass because he wanted her to like him so he could get better grades. | ||
| So I drew him banging her. | ||
| And, like, if I can look like her, it looked like him. | ||
| And I drew him, banging her, saying, you know, she was like, oh, give it to me monkey style. | ||
| And I passed it around the class, you know? | ||
| Like, I got suspended on two separate occasions for drawing cartoons. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| I got sent home for drawing cartoons. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| That's the only thing I would normally get in trouble for. | ||
| I would do the same things, but with overhead projectors. | ||
| I would, like, draw, like, dicks and penises. | ||
| There was an Indian guy in our class. | ||
| I'd always make fun of his farts because he had really bad farts. | ||
| And then one time they pulled the whole class out and they were like, Alright, Omar has really bad gas because of his diet and it's not funny. | ||
| And if you guys make fun of it anymore, you guys are all going to be in trouble. | ||
| I remember this speech, so of course then I only drew Omar for the rest of the year after all this Indian guy farting on people and stuff like that. | ||
| How ridiculous is that you're telling kids not to make fun of farts because it's not funny? | ||
|
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I know! | |
| How disingenuous is that? | ||
| You cannot tell someone that farts aren't funny. | ||
| As soon as you say farts aren't funny, I'm not listening to you anymore. | ||
| Because you're not being honest with me. | ||
| You can say farts don't smell. | ||
| Can you imagine if you love smelling farts? | ||
| There's people that do. | ||
| That's like fart porn. | ||
| Have you ever seen fart porn? | ||
| There's fart porn where dudes get their head right in girls' faces and girls fart in their mouths. | ||
| God, I've got such a heart on now. | ||
| We've talked about this before, about how your farts smell awesome, but other people's farts smell terrible. | ||
| To you, your farts smell the best. | ||
| Except once in a while, one lets out that you're ashamed. | ||
| I had one the other day. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Not when I'm by myself. | ||
| When I'm by myself, it's always like, I'm always smelling my own farts, enjoying it. | ||
| Everybody does that. | ||
| I think even girls do that. | ||
| They just don't want to admit it. | ||
| Girls cut farts. | ||
| Oh, totally. | ||
| But what is that? | ||
| I mean, why is there an evolution? | ||
| I mean, it's got to be something, if everyone does it, like, what is it? | ||
| I think it's like your body sitting out like a spray for mating, but it's probably for masturbation. | ||
|
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|
What? | |
| What a ridiculous theory. | ||
| It's that you don't knock up and get pregnant. | ||
| You smell your own fart. | ||
|
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You know, fuck your own ass. | |
| Stick your own dick in your own ass. | ||
| Oh, fucking awesome. | ||
| I want to mate myself. | ||
| No, but why do you think that people like their own farts? | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Something twisted about that. | ||
| It's because it's food that you ate already. | ||
| This guy says it's called Pika, the urge to eat random things. | ||
| I think Pika is actually... | ||
| Yeah, it's people that have mineral deficiencies to the point where they're eating paint and dirt. | ||
|
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|
I was just thinking about that the other day, how weird that would be, eating dirt and just... | |
| Like, craving it. | ||
| Like, I need this dirt. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
|
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Well, your brain could easily be wired wrong. | |
| You think about all the different connections inside people's brains. | ||
| Now think of people like my friend John-Jacques Machado, my original Jiu-Jitsu instructor. | ||
| He was born without his one hand, his left hand. | ||
| He doesn't have all of his fingers. | ||
| His left hand only has a thumb and nubs. | ||
| And that's how he was born. | ||
| I don't know what it was exactly. | ||
| Some sort of a disease. | ||
| But he's born without fingers. | ||
| If you're born without fingers, you could be born with crazy connections in your head that make you love other people's farts. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| We look at autism and what they don't understand about autism. | ||
| But some people who have autism can do crazy things. | ||
| Like there's a child... | ||
| That can see a place, like, just look out the window at a city and then draw the city in exact detail, like down to the fucking street signs and down to the alleyways. | ||
| I mean, it's incredible. | ||
| There's videos of online doing it. | ||
| I mean, he can just look at an image of a place or go to a place and see something and just completely recreate it in his mind. | ||
| And he has a version of autism. | ||
| You know, it's like the whole Rain Man thing. | ||
| It's like, what is that? | ||
| What the fuck is going on that you can see something and record it exactly, but you and I have no chance? | ||
| I mean, if I had to draw my backyard, it would be all off. | ||
| I've been in my backyard a fucking thousand times, but if I had to draw it, it would be all fucking wonky. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| I know a friend that is that. | ||
| A friend's uncle is that. | ||
| I met him once. | ||
| He's autistic? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I met him once and he's always talking about how he used to sit on his mom's shoulders during parades and stuff like that. | ||
| He met me once though. | ||
| And then, every year, he can't stop exactly talking about me to her. | ||
| She's like, where's Brian at? | ||
| Brian said he was going to the store this one time. | ||
| He remembered everything about me. | ||
| He buys me gifts. | ||
| We broke up a long time ago. | ||
| She's like, dude, he bought you gifts and he knows everything about you. | ||
| He won't stop talking about you. | ||
| But then, it's so weird. | ||
| That dude wants to fuck you. | ||
| That dude wanted me. | ||
| That's strange, man. | ||
| I mean, it's like the potential of the human mind. | ||
| You know, do you think it's because there's obviously some sort of a disconnect socially with people that have autism. | ||
| Do you think it's sort of like one of those things where people who can't see can hear incredibly? | ||
| You know, it's like when you are missing one sense, your other sense is like supercharged. | ||
| Yeah, I just, I don't know, because sometimes I think things like that, or I think, what if he knows exactly everything that's going on, but his mouth doesn't work? | ||
| Kind of like when you're so fucked up and you're trying to say something, you're just like, blah, blah, you can't give your, you know, what you're thinking out in language. | ||
| Right, maybe. | ||
| And I'm like, that's it, that's it. | ||
| But they're unaffectionate. | ||
| Like, that's the thing with them. | ||
| There's a social disconnect, a real disconnect. | ||
| I mean, where they don't express themselves, they don't smile as much, they don't make eye contact as much as other kids do. | ||
| But in doing that, they have this incredible focus. | ||
| I have a friend whose child, his son has a mild form of Asperger's. | ||
| It's like an autism type of thing. | ||
| And his son is a jujitsu wizard. | ||
| The kid's an assassin. | ||
| I mean, he's really, really fucking good. | ||
| Goes at it head to head with world champions. | ||
| He's really, really good. | ||
| And one of the reasons why he's really good is he has this intense ability to focus on things. | ||
| And, you know, he's not so good socially. | ||
| He doesn't have a girlfriend. | ||
| Not so good at, like, having buddies. | ||
| But goddamn, you get on the mat with that motherfucker. | ||
| He remembers every move. | ||
| And he's countering your moves and advancing and moving forward. | ||
| And he taps, like, really high-level black belts all the time. | ||
| You know, it's like, autistic doesn't necessarily mean super, super intelligent. | ||
| It doesn't necessarily mean, you know, some sort of a Rain Man-type genius. | ||
| But it has the potential. | ||
| Which makes me think, I wonder if it's almost like, there's so many people that are autistic, dude. | ||
| It's like one out of a hundred now. | ||
| And it's advancing over the years. | ||
| I wonder if it's possible that, people say that it's due to environmental conditions, it could be due to pollution, it could be due to diet, it could be due to the hormones in our food. | ||
| There's a bunch of different... | ||
| Like theories on what causes autism, but if it's happening in much greater numbers than it ever has before, and that's debatable as well because some people say it's not. | ||
| There's just more people are diagnosed as being autistic now because they've changed the diagnosis, but that's under debate as well. | ||
| But what if it's sort of a next stage of evolution? | ||
| What if emotions and dealing with the way human beings have always been really emotional? | ||
| What if that's not going to be necessary in the future? | ||
| What if that's slowly being phased out? | ||
| Because human beings don't have to use our fight or flight I think? | ||
| And one of the reasons why I thought this is because of Amish people. | ||
| And Amish people live their life in a very traditional, old-school sort of a way. | ||
| It's kind of a fucked-up, wacky religion, but they drive around in horse-driven buggies, and they build their own houses, and I don't know if they even use electricity. | ||
| Some of them use electricity. | ||
| Some of them drive in regular cars. | ||
| Some of them have real jobs, and they're Amish. | ||
| It just depends what kind of Amish they are. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But the whole premise originally was that these people lived like a certain group of people lived hundreds of years ago. | ||
| Well, they have a much, much, much lower history or much lower numbers of autistic children. | ||
| Much lower. | ||
| It might be just something like cell phones and the signals of cell phones and beepers and all the shit that started that's making it increase. | ||
| Or it could just be like Splenda. | ||
| It could be something we're not even thinking about. | ||
| We don't know and that's what stupid is. | ||
| Aspartame. | ||
| Aspartame and shit like that. | ||
| It could easily be. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| I mean, the only way to do... | ||
| You know, there's a lot of theories about, you know, people say that there's a lot of anecdotal evidence about vaccinations. | ||
| And there's a lot of people say there's no scientific connection whatsoever and people always want to jump on that. | ||
| You know, you wear tinfoil hat with this whole thing about autism. | ||
| What people don't realize is thousands of people have been paid off by the Autism Court of America because of, I don't remember the exact title of the court, but I believe it is Autism Court. | ||
| Not autism court, excuse me, vaccination court. | ||
| Let me find the exact number and the exact theory because one of the Kennedys, I think Robert Kennedy Jr., is heavily involved in this shit. | ||
| And a lot of people have been paid off by vaccine court because, and it's in the thousands of families, because of their children suffering from brain damage after being vaccinated, that they had brain swelling and brain damage. | ||
| And they received sizable rewards from the courts. | ||
| Now, if that's really true, how do we not know that, you know, you're not damaging other shit with vaccinations, especially like heavy duty vaccinations with Thumerisol and all that stuff that's been linked. | ||
| I mean, the stuff that they removed from vaccines. | ||
| It's a real heavy debated issue because people don't want to think, A, people who have had their children vaccinated, they don't want to think that they've done anything wrong to their children. | ||
| And people who have children that are autistic, they want to blame someone. | ||
| And so they try to blame the vaccination. | ||
| But the bottom line is you're injecting chemicals into your baby when you're not even supposed to give kids fucking peanut butter. | ||
| You're not even supposed to give babies peanut butter because they might have a peanut allergy. | ||
| But yet you can shoot them up with all these fucking chemicals. | ||
| I don't know this whole Jenny McCarthy debate and she's running around saying that vaccinations cause autism to the kids. | ||
| But I have friends that say their kids were normal. | ||
| We have a friend that we know that say his kid got the measles, mumps, and rebellion and then instantly was different. | ||
| Like instantly became detached. | ||
| Got fucking weird and the kid has some serious autism now. | ||
| Whether or not it's connected or whether or not he had a pre-existing condition that was exacerbated by those vaccinations, that's possible as well. | ||
| But who the fuck knows what's causing all this shit? | ||
| It could be, you know, just the amount of pollution, the higher levels of carbon dioxide in the air. | ||
| It could be, you know, the preservatives in food. | ||
| It could be, you know, it could be a bunch of shit. | ||
| But it also could be the civilization. | ||
| It could be the fact that as civilization progresses, the need to have all these emotions and the need to exist the way people have always existed is morphing. | ||
| It's changing. | ||
| We're going to be like fucking aliens. | ||
| I mean, if you think about all the depictions of aliens in science fiction, the advanced aliens, they're always super unemotional. | ||
| Take me to your leader. | ||
| It's like that type of shit. | ||
| It's like we kind of inherently know that emotions are sort of holding back progress. | ||
| And as human beings become super technical... | ||
| Super technologically evolved that eventually we're going to get to a point where we're not irrational and emotional. | ||
| And you think about the shit that happened with that crazy girl that got you arrested. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| It's nutty emotions. | ||
| Chaos and emotions. | ||
| You think about almost all murders. | ||
| That's why Japanese people never have domestic violence issues. | ||
| Well, they do have Japanese... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They do. | |
| That's silly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't even have any issues to support this, son. | |
| I mean... | ||
| But you think about that. | ||
| When we think about alien life, super advanced alien life, the guy from The Day the Earth Stood Still, he's always super stoic and unemotional. | ||
| I mean, we kind of inherently know that that is the future, that that's where we're headed. | ||
| And that's autism. | ||
| I mean, it's kind of a fucked up thing to think. | ||
| But I mean, maybe all these people, like, one out of a hundred have autism? | ||
| And the debate as to whether or not it's been, you know, just, they've changed the diagnosis. | ||
| I don't know if that's the case, and I don't think you know either. | ||
| The debate as to what is causing it. | ||
| Look, the only way you know what's causing it is you take the exact same biological human being, you do a bunch of shit to him, he has autism... | ||
| You go back in time. | ||
| You try it without the shit. | ||
| You see if he develops autism. | ||
| You start removing things. | ||
| Other than that, I mean, it's just speculation. | ||
| When you're dealing with these kind of numbers, one out of a hundred, I mean, these are pretty significant numbers, you know? | ||
| You have a thousand people. | ||
| You have a hundred autistic kids. | ||
| You know, that's nutty, man. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You've got a hundred thousand. | ||
|
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There's a lot of goddamn people. | |
| Have you ever seen retard porn? | ||
| Oh, is there retard porn? | ||
| Yeah, have you ever seen it? | ||
| What if they do retard fart porn? | ||
| Would that be the end of the world? | ||
| Oh, retard fart porn would be awesome. | ||
| No, it's weird cuz like retard porn like you feel like you're watching something illegal But then you're like wait, this is an adult but then you're like wait He doesn't really know he's getting fucked with that dildo and his asshole. | ||
| No dude I saw Some the other day some hardcore retard porn where this girl who was also retarded was shoving a dildo up this retarded guy's asshole and the girl seemed like more retarded but the guy is I don't know. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| And I started watching it and I'm like, what? | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| Don't ever watch it. | ||
| Don't ever watch it. | ||
|
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|
It's bad. | |
| You know, that's the thing about... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It has to be illegal. | |
| We talked about porn, like who buys porn today. | ||
| The problem is like fucking nobody's buying porn. | ||
| So to make money in porn, they got to go deep. | ||
| Well, you know, porn always has these walls that they hit and they always come out of it because the bottom line is there's always going to be porn, you know? | ||
| Yeah, but how do you make money though when there's so much of it already on the internet? | ||
| You know, it's really amazing how movies and stuff like that are having a hard time getting their videos off the internet. | ||
| But if you want to find a certain movie in porn, a lot of these websites all work together. | ||
| These YouPorns and stuff like that, they'll give you a 30 minute, 30 second clip or something like that, but they're keeping the majority of their main movies off all these websites, which I find real amazing. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| If you're trying to find a Jenna Jameson movie, a two hour Jenna Jameson movie, Compared to seeing Avatar. | ||
| But you can get it on BitTorrent easily. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know how many porn stars there are that are not on BitTorrent? | |
| Really? | ||
| It's not the same as Pirate Bay. | ||
| Porn's harder to find. | ||
| I bet you're wrong. | ||
| I bet if you go to news groups and shit, I bet they trade shit at a rapid rate. | ||
| I think you're just not an obsessed porn freak in that world. | ||
| It's just not there as much, though, is what I'm saying. | ||
| Pirate Bay has a lot of porn? | ||
| They have porn on Pirate Bay? | ||
| They have some porn. | ||
| But it's not, Pirate Bay's not about porn though. | ||
| It's more about like wares and movies. | ||
| It's about movies, music, videos, files, about everything. | ||
| It really is about porn. | ||
| But it's not the same percentage of porn. | ||
| Like 25% of everything on the internet is porn. | ||
| Well I'm just saying that the main, the thing that porn's getting into the most I guess nowadays is having personal websites. | ||
| So if you find a girl, if you find a girl like So-and-so down the street. | ||
|
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|
Sasha Gray. | |
| Yeah, you become a member for nine bucks a month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you get her in her webcam just sitting there playing with her butthole. | |
| Yeah, that's like the big deal, right? | ||
| Is webcam shows for those girls. | ||
| It's like VIP Facebook pages. | ||
| It's like that girl that's on our message board, Crazy Amber. | ||
| Crazy Amber literally makes her a living by doing live webcam shows. | ||
| She's a founder. | ||
| She's one of the first girls to ever do HD video on the internet for porn. | ||
| Yeah, she wrote about it on our website. | ||
| Remember, she had a press release. | ||
| It was like six years ago. | ||
| Yeah, 2004 she was doing it. | ||
| Yeah, she's a pretty fucking, she's heavily tech associated. | ||
| I don't know what her website is though. | ||
| Is it Crazy Amber? | ||
| I think it's crazyamber.com or ambers... | ||
| Amateurhardcore.com or something. | ||
| Just look up Crazy Amber. | ||
| You'll find her. | ||
| If you want to find her, you'll find her. | ||
| She's Crazy Amber on the Rogan board. | ||
| If you don't know what the Rogan board is, I got a forum that has like... | ||
| It's almost like 3 million. | ||
| It's up to posts on it. | ||
| It's a pretty wild forum. | ||
| Any fucked up news, anything that's going on, anything that's crazy, any new video that came out, anything bananas is on forums.joerogan.net, the Rogan board. | ||
| If you get on the board and you sign up and you can be a member, anybody can be a member, but if you're a dickhead, if you act like a retard, we pink you. | ||
| And what pink you is, is there's two forums. | ||
| There's one forum that's the regular forum, it's called Shit Talking 101. And there's another forum that's called Special Ed. | ||
| And what Special Ed is, is when you are too fucked up, you need too much attention, you cause too much trouble, you start fucking, you know, just harassing people and being annoying, starting dumb arguments, saying stupid shit. | ||
| Or you're a creepy stalker. | ||
| I've noticed, especially with Twitter, there's a lot more creepy stalkers than I thought there was. | ||
| There's just a bunch of people out there that are fucking nuts and that you wouldn't ordinarily let them into your life and now because of the internet, you know, they get into your life and you gotta figure out a way to filter them. | ||
| You know, I mean, look, sometimes we have this chat here and I look at the chat and sometimes people are just constantly saying dumb, annoying, stupid shit over and over and over and over and over again. | ||
| But the beautiful thing is you just click on them and ban them. | ||
| You know, and that's the beautiful thing about Twitter too. | ||
| Like some people Twitter you stupid shit and all they're trying to do is get your attention. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's all they're trying to do. | ||
| But what's scary is like there's a few people that they wake up from the morning to sleep every three minutes writing a message. | ||
| You're like, this is what this No, like on Twitter. | ||
| Some of these people really creep me the fuck out. | ||
| Well, it's given them a direction, too. | ||
| It's given some people, like, something to do. | ||
| Something to look forward to. | ||
| They get to interact with, you know, all these different human beings, man. | ||
| Like that Slurp LL girl that you guys always talk about? | ||
| What are you doing, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're talking to shit. | |
| She's right there. | ||
| She fucking has the one-sided conversation. | ||
| She's been trying to fuck me for the last two months. | ||
| Just fuck her, dude. | ||
| Why are you such an asshole? | ||
| I've not said one word to her, but every... | ||
| Every day, she goes, Brian, I want to fuck your face. | ||
| You're a handsome fella. | ||
| She wants some dick. | ||
| I don't see anything wrong with that. | ||
| She's just forward. | ||
| She's a forward young lady. | ||
| But you know what's funny? | ||
| I follow her sometimes, and she's having full-on conversations with Jenna Jameson, back and forth. | ||
| And I'm like, that's funny. | ||
| And Jenna goes back and forth. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| What do you think of the Goldman Sachs case? | ||
| Do you know about that? | ||
| Do you know what Goldman Sachs is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Goldman Sachs is a gigantic bank that's getting sued now, but the federal government is actually looking into them and they're going to bring them to court and they're going to try them and figure out how the fuck they defrauded people. | ||
| They shorted. | ||
| What they did was they sold people a bunch of, they told people to buy things and then they banked against it. | ||
| So they told people that what shorting means is, like say, if you decide that, you know, you look at the market and you say, okay, this company is going to take a shit. | ||
| They're going to fall apart. | ||
| But you keep selling that company to your clients. | ||
| You keep telling them, hey, you should invest in this company because this company is a good investment. | ||
| But meanwhile, you're shorting, which means you're betting that that company is going to fail on the side. | ||
| And they made tons of money. | ||
| They basically fucked over their customers and manipulated the whole system and made fucking hundreds of billions of dollars for this. | ||
| This is this guy, Matt Taibbi. | ||
| He's been writing about this in Rolling Stone magazine. | ||
| Fascinating and infuriating articles all about the corruption that's involved in Wall Street. | ||
| And it's fucking mind-blowing that they can still pull that shit off in 2010. You know, this is one thing I said on stage this weekend. | ||
| I've been talking about this a lot. | ||
| Like, you know, when people talk about, well, you don't understand. | ||
| The economy is complicated. | ||
| Here's what I don't understand. | ||
| There's the same amount of fucking people. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| There's the same amount of shit. | ||
| There's the same amount of metal. | ||
| Same amount of materials. | ||
| Same amount of people buying things. | ||
| Where the fuck did all the money go? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Well, the stock market crashed and the housing market was inflated and fell apart. | ||
| What the fuck are you even saying? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| To me, that means that the system's bullshit. | ||
| It means the whole system is fucking nuts. | ||
| I think everyone knows that system's bullshit, though. | ||
| I don't know why you're so surprised about something from this bank. | ||
| It's not that I'm surprised. | ||
| What I'm surprised of is that it keeps going. | ||
| We've talked about this before that our system is like, our culture, our system of government is like Windows 98, Windows 95 with like 100 viruses. | ||
| And we're just throwing patches at it, trying to fix things, trying to work around stuff. | ||
| But that's really what it's like. | ||
| It's like this ancient fucking stupid system that doesn't work and it crashes all the time and it's got all these bugs and it's filled with corruption. | ||
| And yet, still, there's no solutions for it. | ||
| Move to an island. | ||
| What can you do? | ||
| That's what I'm going to do. | ||
| You can't even move, son. | ||
| What are you going to do over there for work? | ||
| You're going to fucking pick coconuts? | ||
| How about you going back to manually? | ||
| You would be so happy. | ||
| People that talk about how they hate society the way it is right now, you would be so fucking happy. | ||
| If you moved to an island, you had to work for a living to come back here, you'd be so happy to go back to the way life was and just pay 28% tax. | ||
| I remember when I was in high school and I was on vacation in Myrtle Beach, which is the whitest, trashest vacation ever. | ||
| But I remember talking to this guy and all he did every day was open up this little shack that looked like a grass hut and make margaritas for people. | ||
| And he just sat there every day. | ||
| I was talking to him. | ||
| I'm like, you did this every day. | ||
| He goes, fuck yeah. | ||
| I see the hottest chicks. | ||
| I sit here on the beach. | ||
| I do nothing but make drinks, man. | ||
| It's the greatest life ever. | ||
| I'm like, I love this guy. | ||
| I was like, he makes just enough. | ||
| He probably could never make enough to buy something huge. | ||
| Right, but he gets by. | ||
| Right, he gets by. | ||
| He probably relies on the credit and stuff. | ||
| But that as a life to me, I was like, oh, you just pretty much do what you like to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Yeah, there's an argument for that, man. | ||
| There's definitely an argument for the dude that checks out. | ||
| He becomes like an expatriate, moves to Costa Rica, sits on the fucking beach, and drinks margaritas while the world explodes in the distance. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there's an argument for that. | ||
| My dad's about to retire. | ||
| He's 60-something, just about to retire this year. | ||
| And I'm like, aren't you scared that you're not going to have any income coming in at all? | ||
| And he goes, it's kind of scary, but I've saved up so much. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, but... | ||
| You could have one hospital thing fuck your life up and then now you have to go back to work like 20 years later and you're going to be out of the loop working at fucking grocery stores trying to pay for your wife to buy new diapers for her, you know? | ||
| And that freaks me the fuck out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How much has your dad have saved up? | ||
| I mean, how many years worth of money? | ||
| I'm not really sure, but it's probably over a million, I would imagine. | ||
| He's got over a million dollars saved. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think that's what you... | ||
| See, I don't... | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I know. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| So your dad's smart. | ||
| Yeah, but still, but nowadays, a million dollars, I mean, you go to the doctor and you get fucking chemo, you're paying like $200,000, you know, or something like that, $300,000. | ||
| Definitely make sure you keep up on your health insurance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's scary to me. | ||
| It is scary. | ||
| Because he could live another 50 years. | ||
| How old's your dad? | ||
| 62 or something like that. | ||
| How the fuck is your dad going to live 50 years? | ||
| Well, I mean, you know, you know what I'm saying. | ||
| He's never going to die, Joe! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's never going to die! | |
| No, but he could live 40 years longer. | ||
| What does he want to do when he retired? | ||
| Does he have a thing that he wants to do? | ||
| He's just like me, but they didn't have computers, so he does everything else with electronics and building things. | ||
| So he'll make a hot tub in his living room. | ||
| He'll build his own hot tub? | ||
| Yeah, he'll build the whole living room and hot tub just for fun. | ||
| Oh wow, that's kind of cool. | ||
| Well, things like that, they keep people happy, man. | ||
| Hobbies and things to do. | ||
| Maybe he can invent something and sell it. | ||
| Maybe he should concentrate on trying to do that. | ||
| Well, he's been trying to break, what's that, perpetual motion for the longest time. | ||
| So he has all these perpetual motion machines in his basement. | ||
| And he'd go in there and it's just magnets with bike-sickle tires. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And he's got like 15 patents. | ||
| He builds things all the time, but it's like he builds a computer that gets radon out of your bathroom, you know? | ||
| And then you're like, what's that? | ||
| Right on gas. | ||
| But why doesn't he just... | ||
| I mean, that seems like a really promising avenue to pursue. | ||
| Is that creative? | ||
| Maybe he should just think about that. | ||
| Think about retiring and using all his time to try to come up with some new way to make income. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what I told him. | ||
| He needs to make something. | ||
| Yeah, why not? | ||
| Fuck it, man. | ||
| Luke, dude, you know, better to take that chance at 60 than... | ||
| Is it 60? | ||
| Is that what you said he was? | ||
| Better to take that chance at 60 than to take that chance when you're fucking... | ||
| You're almost dead and you're like, God, I should have done something interesting. | ||
| You know, what if he makes it and when all of a sudden he starts making a good living off of something he created? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That's a nice thing. | ||
| That's a nice thing. | ||
| Get up at noon and fucking go to the coffee shop and, you know... | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Check this out how crazy. | ||
| Sometimes things happen in life, you know? | ||
| They were supposed to come out and visit me next month, and he was going to retire the following month, and my stepmom was thinking about retiring the following month. | ||
| And then I broke up with my relationships, so they decided not to come the following day after deciding not to come. | ||
| My stepmom's getting laid off, but because she had over a week of vacation time set aside that she'd never used, they have to force some kind of year pension plan or whatever. | ||
| The bottom line is just because they didn't take that vacation, she gets paid for a year for no reason. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| An extra year. | ||
| So if she would have visited me and bought that ticket, she would have been screwed. | ||
| Ah, the corporate world. | ||
| I love when the house, do you believe in fate and stuff like that? | ||
| Like things that happen for a reason? | ||
| Do you believe that? | ||
| You think everything's kind of set out and you really can't change it? | ||
| It's easy to be cynical about that idea, but it also seems sometimes like, it almost seems like life is scripted. | ||
| And in your situation, I think it seems like it's sometimes in my situation, in my life. | ||
| Sometimes it seems so ridiculous that it almost seems like we are living our own movie. | ||
| And the more gonzo the fucking news gets, the more bizarro our culture gets, the more it seems like a movie. | ||
| It almost seems fake. | ||
| It almost seems like we're living in a dream. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you look at some of the things that happen to certain people, you go, well, what's it attributable to? | ||
| Can you attribute it to the fact that they have lived a positive life and so good things are happening to them? | ||
| And is it karma? | ||
| So is karma real? | ||
| Because that's one of the trippiest, spaciest of notions ever. | ||
| So is that what's really going on? | ||
| Or is it because there's a grand plot to life? | ||
| Is it because life is a gigantic mathematical equation and there's a set... | ||
| There's a set result that's going to happen no matter what. | ||
| It's all working towards that set result. | ||
| You getting a certain job and you meeting a certain person is all part of the grand plan of the universe. | ||
| It's fucking weird. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| You can't say one or the other. | ||
| You can't say, yes, I believe in fate, and fate is real. | ||
| I mean, you should consider it. | ||
| But you also can't say fate's not real, and you decide your own destiny, because I don't know if that's true either. | ||
| I mean, we are a weird combination of biology, of life experiences, of... | ||
| Genetics. | ||
| There's a lot of shit going on. | ||
| How you interpret the life experience, the people you come in contact with that help you rethink the way you look at things. | ||
| How many people have you ever met that inspire you and literally change the way you think about them all the time? | ||
| It makes me wonder if I was supposed to meet this person and go through this experience. | ||
| A lot of times I feel like that lost sound is going on in the background. | ||
| You know, because it just seems like it's just like that. | ||
| Like, it's just a weird, like, quick, like, some shit just seems fake. | ||
| I think a lot of it is because you're living your life the right way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think a lot of it is you're living your life positive. | ||
| You're not being shitty to anybody. | ||
| You're not creating any negative energy. | ||
| Well, karma's a real thing, definitely. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I definitely believe karma is a real thing. | ||
| That's why this fuck that's ratting out Larry King's wife. | ||
| Yeah, he's gonna get it. | ||
| Shit's gonna hit the fan for you, son. | ||
| Yeah, he's gonna have nipple cancer in two weeks. | ||
| It's going to get ugly. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know if it's true. | ||
| And I think, you know, it's one of those subjects where people are very polarized on it. | ||
| You know, some people will argue, like, vehemently that their side is correct. | ||
| Because it's sort of like a Windows versus Mac argument. | ||
| It's like a religion versus atheism argument. | ||
| People want to be correct. | ||
| They choose a stance. | ||
| They choose a camp that they're in. | ||
| Fate is one of the weird ones. | ||
| I'm open to the idea that there's a fate. | ||
| I'm open to the idea that life really is some sort of a gigantic equation. | ||
| And then it's moving towards something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I try to keep an open mind about all that stuff. | ||
| Because I think as soon as you decide that you have the information one way or another, you're being silly. | ||
| Yeah, because then you're going to block off and only hear what you want to hear. | ||
| And then you're not living the right... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, we have friends that believe in nutty things. | ||
| And we've had conversations with these friends that believe in nutty things. | ||
| And you can tell they are not even considering the fact that these nutty things that they believe in are, in fact, just nutty things. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, that's... | ||
| That's a disconnect. | ||
| You said it best when you said you're not keeping everything on the table. | ||
| That's rule number one. | ||
| You have to keep it all on the table. | ||
| Even when you have 100% everything on the table, you can possibly put it on the table. | ||
| Why even bother? | ||
| Taking the table away. | ||
| If something comes up, there should be no reason. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| We get married to an answer. | ||
| A yes or a no, a side, a for or against. | ||
| It's like religion. | ||
| It's like anything else. | ||
| Human beings are very insecure. | ||
| Our life inherently is insecure. | ||
| Because of that, I think we try to... | ||
| We try to put things in a box so that we can deal with them. | ||
| Well, they're in a box. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| We've got it labeled. | ||
| It's wrapped up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay. | ||
| God is not real. | ||
| It's in that box. | ||
| Let's move on. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Do we like Windows or do we like Mac? | ||
| I say Windows. | ||
| Mac is for faggots. | ||
| Let's put it in the box. | ||
| We're moving on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're in Camp PC. This is just, well, for idiots. | |
| Idiots think that. | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| I think we hit two hours. | ||
| This is good. | ||
| We're going to end on a positive note, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| So, thank you very much for tuning in. | ||
| When you come back next week, we will have a couch. | ||
| We will have better cameras. | ||
| We have new video cameras coming in. | ||
| The audio that's on this week's iTunes will be, as we said, from a big, beefed-up MP3 recorder, and it's supposed to be the best one you can buy. | ||
| So hopefully that will be the case. | ||
| So it'll be clean audio on the iTunes. | ||
| We have two audio versions of it. | ||
| And we will continue to evolve it. | ||
| If you have any suggestions, please feel free to Twitter it. | ||
| Tell us what you like, what you don't like. | ||
| If you join my forum, please don't be a douchebag. | ||
| Forums.joerogan.net. | ||
| And if you have any suggestions there, feel free to put them in there. | ||
| We appreciate it. | ||
| And thanks for tuning in. | ||
| Next week we will be sponsored officially as of next week by the Fleshlight. | ||
| We're going to get some Fleshlights and we're going to fuck them. | ||
| Fuck the shit out of me. | ||
| I'm going to fuck these rubber... | ||
| I'll even record audio of mine and we can listen to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can hear me. | |
| I'm not loud. | ||
| You will just hear me going... | ||
| Okay, do it, do it, do it, do it. | ||
| Record it, record audio. | ||
| We're going to meet with this dude this week and get some... | ||
| So we got a sponsor now. | ||
| So we're fucking professional. | ||
| This is a professional show, goddammit. | ||
| But hopefully still just as fun as it was before. | ||
| Again, thank you very much everybody. | ||
| We appreciate the shit out of it. | ||
| Thank you for tuning in. | ||
| We will see you next week, Tuesday, as always. | ||
| Joe Rogan on Twitter. | ||
| Redband on Twitter. | ||
| Yeah, and my Twitter is now just Joe Rogan. | ||
| It's not JoeRogan.net anymore. | ||
| It's just Joe Rogan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. |
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