April 21, 2010 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:09:18
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| And gentlemen, very sorry for the late start here, but unfortunately I'm the only one that's here. | ||
| Brian and Eddie and Ari have not shown up yet. | ||
| Brian's not showing up because he was eating some yogurt and he bit down on his spoon and broke his fucking tooth. | ||
|
unidentified
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Which is one of the dumbest fucking things I've ever heard in my life. | |
| So he's not going to be here. | ||
| And Eddie's stuck in traffic because it's raining in LA. And when it rains in LA, everybody freaks out. | ||
| And Ari's stuck in traffic as well. | ||
| So that's the story. | ||
| Let me shut this music off. | ||
|
unidentified
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I got this synced up. | |
| Guru from Gangstar died yesterday. | ||
| Very, very sad. | ||
| One of my favorite rap bands ever. | ||
| Dude is only 43 years old. | ||
| That's only a year older than me. | ||
| That's crazy shit. | ||
| Dying of cancer and shit. | ||
| Used to be healthy. | ||
| Now he's dead. | ||
| And that's life, unfortunately. | ||
| But the good thing is we still got his music. | ||
| Life carries on. | ||
| And maybe he's somewhere cooler right now, right? | ||
| Who the fuck knows, right? | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| So, since I'm starting solo, let's get started with a bunch of shit that's going on. | ||
| First of all, this fucking Strikeforce thing. | ||
| You know, one of the reasons why the Strikeforce thing is so fucked up is because they haven't really done it that many times. | ||
| They haven't done these big CBS shows that many times. | ||
| And... | ||
| They made a bunch of big mistakes and the big brawl that happened afterwards. | ||
| I mean, first of all, everyone was criticizing Mayhem and everyone was saying that Mayhem fucked up and Mayhem might cost CBS their deal. | ||
| Alright, first of all, Mayhem shouldn't have even been allowed to get into that octagon. | ||
| If that was the UFC, they have security at the stairs, they have security at the top. | ||
| You can't just walk into the octagon while the fights are going on. | ||
| It's literally not possible. | ||
| You know, you can't have that many teammates in the octagon as well. | ||
| When, you know, when Jake Shields, after his fight, he had like seven, like six or seven of his buddies in the cage, trainers, everybody. | ||
| You can't have that many people. | ||
| The UFC does not allow it. | ||
| The UFC, I believe you're allowed to have three. | ||
| And they regulate it all. | ||
| And that's what you're supposed to do. | ||
| As far as Mayhem doing something that was inappropriate, well, he definitely did something disrespectful. | ||
| You know, Jake Shields is in the middle of the biggest victory of his life. | ||
| Just beats Dan fucking Henderson and dominates him for four rounds after he got fucked up for the first round. | ||
| So, you know, it's a huge emotional victory for him and for his teammate. | ||
| You know, his teammates, rather. | ||
| You know, this is a gigantic fight. | ||
| And he pulled it off. | ||
| So... | ||
| You know, emotions were running very high, and Mayhem stepped in and bogarted the attention. | ||
| And that's not cool. | ||
| But it was a mistake. | ||
| You know, he went in there to try to hype up the fight the same way they would do it in the UFC, the same way, you know, the famous George St. Pierre, I'm not impressed with your performance, you know, when he went in there when Matt Hughes had just won. | ||
| You know, that kind of shit happens to build up fights. | ||
| That's what it's for. | ||
| But this wasn't planned. | ||
| You know, Strikeforce didn't know it was going to happen. | ||
| Mayhem thought about it last minute. | ||
| He just wanted to, you know, he was hyped up because he had won earlier in the night. | ||
| He wanted a rematch with Jake Shields. | ||
| So he runs into the octagon and, you know, they start pushing him out of the way and then chaos erupts. | ||
| He should have never been allowed to get into the octagon. | ||
| And if he was allowed to get in the cage, they should have had it regulated. | ||
| It should have been a situation where, when, you know, they would let Jake Shields speak, they ask him all the questions they're going to ask him, totally respectfully, he gets his chance, he gets his moment to say what he has to say, thank his teammates, then, after all that's done, then mayhem comes in, If that's what they want, if that's a fight they're hyping up next, who the fuck knows what their plans were. | ||
| Their plans might not be a mayhem fight next. | ||
| So it should have been up to them. | ||
| They should have regulated the cage. | ||
| They should have made sure he didn't get in there. | ||
| As far as what the Diaz brothers did and Gilbert Melendez, those guys are backing up their buddy. | ||
| Those guys are like brothers. | ||
| Those guys, they're all a bunch of fucking psychos and savages. | ||
| Their buddy just wins the Strikeforce middleweight title. | ||
| Some pushing goes on. | ||
| They're down to get in there. | ||
| That's just the way they are. | ||
| You know, I mean, the Diaz brothers, you know, people always criticize them, but I think, first of all, I think they make shit way more interesting. | ||
| When you've got someone like Nate and Nick Diaz that they don't give a fuck. | ||
| Like, they really don't give a fuck. | ||
| Like, they're not just pretending to not give a fuck. | ||
| No, they really don't give a fuck. | ||
| They will fight in a brawl on CBS on primetime. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| They really knew what was going on and they still stepped in there and did that. | ||
| You can't just have them all together like that and let anybody in that you want. | ||
| It's like I used to have pit bulls and when you get a bunch of pit bulls in the room you can't get mad at the pit bulls if they fight each other. | ||
| That's just what they do. | ||
| And these guys are professional mixed martial arts fighters and in mixed martial arts Definitely, there's a psychological aspect to it that's a huge component of fighting and whether or not you win or lose. | ||
| And these guys have this psychological edge over their opponents because they're so aggressive. | ||
| Because they're so down to fight at any moment's notice. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| They're not afraid. | ||
| They're ready to throw down. | ||
| And because of that, that's a significant advantage. | ||
| It's a significant tactic when it comes to fighting. | ||
| And they're not going to relinquish that just because they're on national television. | ||
| So if someone gets in one of their boys' faces and disrespects them, They're going to fight. | ||
| I mean, that's just what's going to happen. | ||
| So what I blame is, I think Mayhem certainly made an error, but he should have never been allowed to get into the position to make that error. | ||
| It was completely, in my opinion, on Strikeforce, or the committee, or whoever the fuck is supposed to be watching that cage. | ||
| You know, I don't know who's responsible for that. | ||
| The UFC takes care of all that shit. | ||
| I never have to think about it. | ||
| But whoever was responsible for that... | ||
| It was a goddamn disaster. | ||
| So that's my opinion on that. | ||
| And as far as the commentary goes, and people are talking about how bad the commentary is, this is what I think about that. | ||
| I like Frank Shamrock. | ||
| I like Frank Shamrock as a person. | ||
| I enjoy him. | ||
| I think he's funny. | ||
| I don't mind his commentary at all. | ||
| Those other two dudes, it's like my mom said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. | ||
| So I'm not going to say shit, because I think those guys need work. | ||
| I'm not sure that main guy is a fan of the sport. | ||
| I don't even want to mention his fucking name. | ||
| So here we are. | ||
| This is the 420 episode of the podcast. | ||
| And what we'll do is I'll just ramble until everybody gets here. | ||
| Ari and Eddie should be here within probably 15 to 20 minutes, depending on what the traffic looks like. | ||
| And when they get here, then we'll jump off. | ||
| So between now and then, I'll just take questions. | ||
| If you see my office here, if you notice, things have changed. | ||
| I got rid of some shit here, moved something out, and I'm going to put a green screen behind me. | ||
| So for the next Ustream podcast, hopefully the next one, if not the next one, the one after that, I'll be in space. | ||
| So the way we're going to have it set up is we're going to have a podcast and then I'm going to have a green screen and I'm going to have a total space background and then I'll have couches and shit like that. | ||
| So the idea is that it'll look like couches flying through space. | ||
| So that should be pretty interesting. | ||
| This whole thing is, you know, I started out this podcast sort of just kind of as a goof. | ||
| And, you know, I just thought it would be an interesting thing to do. | ||
| I always wanted to do something like that. | ||
| I always enjoyed radio. | ||
| But I kind of never got off my ass to do it. | ||
| And now I've done it. | ||
| I think this is like the 12th or the 13th week in a row. | ||
| So we've been real consistent, and it's been a lot of fun. | ||
| And now it's number 8 on the comedy section of iTunes, which is crazy because the audio part of it was just sort of an afterthought, to throw that up. | ||
| And the Ustream one is getting plenty of hits, and it's been fun. | ||
| You know, it's... | ||
| A fun way to supplement comedy. | ||
| Speaking of comedy, I got one gig this Friday night in Sacramento, but it's already sold out. | ||
| I'm going to be doing the color commentary for Jose Aldo vs. | ||
| Uriah Faber. | ||
| They're literally not even referring to it as the WEC. They're just referring to it as Aldo vs. | ||
| Faber. | ||
| I'm not exactly sure why that is. | ||
| Because the preliminary is going to be on Spike TV. A lot of corporate shit. | ||
| So, that's what's going on. | ||
| I've got a bunch of shit to talk about. | ||
| First of all, this fucking volcano over Iceland is nuts. | ||
| If you haven't noticed that, my wife had no idea what was going on because she doesn't pay attention to shit except for gossip. | ||
| But there's a giant volcano in Iceland that literally is erupting through the ice. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| If you look at some of the video footage online, if you Google it, It's really pretty intense. | ||
| You're seeing like molten lava squirting up through the ice. | ||
| It's really wild. | ||
| And the volcanic ash has gotten so bad that they have canceled all the air flight over Europe for days and days. | ||
| Oh, our sphere's here. | ||
| How'd you get in? | ||
| Wow, beautiful. | ||
| What's up, brother? | ||
|
unidentified
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How are you? | |
| How are you? | ||
| Nice and gentlemen. | ||
| You're feeling excited for this place out. | ||
| I did. | ||
| Have a seat. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| All right, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| He's here. | ||
| Eddie Bravo. | ||
| Should be moments behind. | ||
| I'm sure he's very close. | ||
| Did you even ring the doorbell? | ||
|
unidentified
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No? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You did? | ||
| I didn't even hear it. | ||
| Not so much. | ||
| I'm rambling. | ||
| We're talking about the Iceland volcano. | ||
| You know about all that shit. | ||
| Yeah, no one can fly anywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Today, they just lifted it. | ||
| But I wouldn't fucking fly. | ||
| Lifted it fully? | ||
| Yeah, they lifted the air van over Europe. | ||
| but that's because it's costing him $200 million a day. - Yeah. | ||
| The airline industry. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know. | |
| It's all crazy. | ||
| $200 million a day. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| How fragile is this world? | ||
| Any little thing can happen and things close down for a couple days and these businesses, they run so on the edge that just a couple days off work and they come close to being bankrupt. | ||
| I like how people are like, fucking, I hear a lot of stories like, this volcano, I can't fly home. | ||
| I'm like, you know what we... | ||
| Could have had all life wiped out too. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| Everybody. | ||
| That's just as likely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People have no idea what volcanoes are all about. | ||
| Volcanoes have reshaped this earth. | ||
| Like, when you're in Hawaii, have you ever gone to Hawaii? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| You ever gone over the volcano in a helicopter? | ||
| It's the fucking coolest thing ever. | ||
| I went to the Big Island and we took a trip on a helicopter and we flew over the volcano. | ||
| And you're flying over this active volcano. | ||
| You're watching the lava bubble up inside. | ||
| You can see the fucking lava. | ||
| You can see it and you can see it roll into the ocean. | ||
| Like we fly over to where it rolls in the ocean. | ||
| It's moving four inches every year closer to Japan. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| And there's another island in the middle of the ocean that hasn't quite popped up yet, but it's on its way. | ||
| It's going to be the next island in the Hawaiian Islands. | ||
| It's on its way up. | ||
| It's building up. | ||
| That whole area is just one gigantic... | ||
| So as the volcano stuff comes out, it just dries. | ||
| Yeah, it dries and it becomes rock and then it breaks down and becomes dirt and plants grow on it. | ||
| That's how it goes dirt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it literally is... | ||
| That's what Hawaii is. | ||
| It's a volcano. | ||
| It just came out of the ground and created islands. | ||
| But you can see the fucking volcano. | ||
| And they have all these different photos that you could buy there and videos you could watch. | ||
| There's a bunch of towns that were completely wiped out on the Big Island. | ||
| They'll show you where the town used to be. | ||
| The lava just came rolling in like the 50s and just crushed the entire town. | ||
| I think it happened in the 80s. | ||
| I didn't see any of that, but I'm sure there must be. | ||
| I mean, most of the stuff just gets smushed. | ||
| I mean, the lava comes down and just literally annihilates any evidence whatsoever that anything was there. | ||
| And what people don't realize is that shit has happened so many times. | ||
| This world has changed so many times just in, you know, the last few million years. | ||
| The best place to find megalodon skeletons, megalodon teeth, you know what a megalodon is? | ||
| They're these giant, ancient, prehistoric sharks that were like fucking gigantic, way bigger than great whites. | ||
| Well, the best place to find their teeth is in Montana. | ||
| Is this how it used to be covered? | ||
| It used to be the ocean. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| How fucking nutty is that? | ||
| And that's where they hung out at the part of the ocean. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Montana used to be underwater. | ||
| You know, so many parts of it. | ||
| Just like 10,000 years ago, half of North America was under a mile-high sheet of ice. | ||
| Just 10,000 years ago. | ||
| That's nothing. | ||
| That's nothing. | ||
| 10,000 years is nothing. | ||
| 10,000 years ago, there were saber-toothed tigers and woolly mammoths. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| Just 10,000 years ago. | ||
| Fucking saber-toothed tigers. | ||
| 10,000 years isn't shit. | ||
| Like, there were people around then. | ||
| What was the 10,000 years before that that was there? | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| 10,000 years before that, I mean, as far as human civilization, it's all, who the fuck knows? | ||
| I mean, we know that the big extinction was 65 million years ago. | ||
| That was the, you know, the one that hit the Yucatan, the big meteor. | ||
| That wiped out, supposedly wiped out everything except small mammals and, you know. | ||
| Anything bigger than a fucking hamster. | ||
| What did small mammals go? | ||
| Why were they... | ||
| They figured out a way to burrow on the ground and hardy rats and shit like that. | ||
| Rats are some hardy animals. | ||
| And we're like the descendants of anything that survived 65 million years ago. | ||
| All kinds of rats. | ||
| Yeah, well, all sorts of mammals. | ||
| And some birds. | ||
| I mean, birds are a direct descendant of dinosaurs. | ||
| Somehow or another, some birds survived. | ||
| But literally, most of the life on the planet was wiped the fuck out. | ||
| And then there's the supervolcanoes, man. | ||
| Supervolcanoes have been wiping out things on this continent for millions and millions of years. | ||
| Every six to eight hundred thousand years, Yellowstone blows up and literally wipes out the whole continent. | ||
| Kills everything! | ||
| And it restarts again. | ||
| Yeah, and there's been 2,000 earthquakes in Yellowstone National Park since January of this year. | ||
| Let's hear this thing on NPR about earthquakes and how there's so many more now, you know, lately. | ||
| Yeah, is that true? | ||
| There are more now. | ||
| No, exactly the same, just happened to hit big cities. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So there's the same amount, it's just they're hitting places where people are. | ||
| Yeah, and if it happens, I mean, if you hit a earthquake in Baker's Gate, there's going to be so much damage. | ||
| If you get it on the corner of Sunset and Fairfax, it's going to be, you know, tremendous. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But it seems like there's so many of them. | ||
| They're happening so often. | ||
| Yeah, it does seem like a lot. | ||
| Is that because of the news? | ||
| Like, there's more access to information now than there before? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They were saying, like, last year was a year of celebrity death, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
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Was it? | |
| Yeah, it's never happened before. | ||
| But it just keeps happening. | ||
| More celebrities just died. | ||
| Last year? | ||
| Who died last year? | ||
| Jackson, that chick that was hot. | ||
| It was a George's Angels. | ||
| Farrah Fawcett. | ||
| That's your legacy. | ||
| That chick that was hot, that was in Charlie's Angels. | ||
| Michael Jackson. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Did he die last year? | ||
| Or this year? | ||
| Billy Mays. | ||
| Billy Mays. | ||
| Seth Buck did that episode about the year of a celebrity death. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, did they? | |
| Yeah, but they were already talking about it. | ||
| Opening up, he was talking about it a bunch. | ||
| He was like, all these celebrities are dying, but it's not. | ||
| I think it's just TMZ makes more people celebrities. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| There's way more celebrities now than there before. | ||
| Do you know Gangstar? | ||
| The rap band Gangstar? | ||
| Guru from Gangstar just died. | ||
| You don't give a fuck, do you? | ||
| I just heard he existed. | ||
| I already knew he was dead before. | ||
| You never heard of Gangstar? | ||
| Sing one of their songs. | ||
| You don't sing a rap song. | ||
| I'll rap one of their stories. | ||
| I'll play you one. | ||
|
unidentified
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Alright, I'll play you one. | |
| How dare you, aren't you? | ||
| Sing a Diddy. | ||
| From Guru. | ||
| What a great Christian name. | ||
|
unidentified
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That was nice. | |
| They were good. | ||
| Gang stars, they're... | ||
|
unidentified
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This might be a little bit too loud. ... | |
| They were one of the best, like, lyrical bands. | ||
|
unidentified
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When was this? | |
| The 90s. | ||
| The 90s, they were more popular. | ||
| And he died last night. | ||
| Apparently he had cancer. | ||
|
unidentified
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and then I had a heart attack and then I just died, succumbed to the cancer. | |
| 43 fucking real old dude. | ||
| Done. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's like me. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| 42. | ||
| I'm almost probably 43 in August. | ||
| Dudes are dying of, like, natural causes type shit. | ||
| Yeah, but not even the weirdest thing in the world. | ||
| I'm not getting hit by a meteor. | ||
| He just fucking died. | ||
| This shit just gave up. | ||
| Broken leg all goes south in there. | ||
| It's over, son. | ||
| That guy, what's his name? | ||
| It's almost dead. | ||
| He wears a hundred pounds. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's an actor. | |
| He was in that scene in True Romance where he's like, you know, Yeah, so it was Christopher Walken and then the other guy. | ||
| Yeah, the old dude. | ||
| You people know who the fuck we're talking about. | ||
| The guy from, was he in Apocalypse Now? | ||
| I don't remember that movie that well. | ||
| He was also in Waterworld. | ||
| He played the lead bad guy. | ||
| Dex Hopper, thank you very much. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| He's under 100 pounds now. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| So if he was a chick, he'd be hot. | ||
| That's a brighter side of life way of looking at it. | ||
| Is that not the weirdest fucking thing in the world? | ||
| Is these women that think that being super skinny like anorexic is hot? | ||
| That shit is disgusting. | ||
| Some people like it. | ||
| They must. | ||
|
unidentified
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How the fuck could any guy like that? | |
| That's so anti-nature. | ||
| Nature, you want a woman to have some fat on her ass. | ||
| You want her to have big tits so she can milk the baby. | ||
| You want her to have fat on her ass so she can survive through the pregnancy. | ||
| Those are all like, there's a reason why those things. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, but those things are there for people. | |
| But that's why those things are there. | ||
| The reason why they're attracting Yeah, the reason why they're attractive is... | ||
| Okay, so why are you attracted to like fashion? | ||
| Because that's too much. | ||
| That's obese. | ||
| that's unhealthy but a little bit of fat is good like a little fat ass I like a fat ass just like that's not good because they can't move around good You want athletic, but you want some fat on them. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's all nature. | ||
| It's all leftover shit. | ||
| I mean, think about how easy it is to trick your system. | ||
| How about fake tits? | ||
| We know they're fake. | ||
| We know there's a bag of plastic underneath your skin, but still, it makes you hotter. | ||
| It looks hotter. | ||
| They poke out, and they look ridiculous. | ||
| You know who she is? | ||
| He doesn't pay attention. | ||
| He's the anti-gossip man. | ||
| But this Heidi Montag chick, she's one of those celebrities for just being a celebrity. | ||
| Like you're not exactly sure why she's a celebrity. | ||
| She just had 10 plastic surgeries all together. | ||
| She had her chin done, her tits done, she had all this shit done. | ||
| Some people say she looks better, but I didn't think she looked bad to begin with. | ||
| She just had kind of a big chin, sort of like a Jay Leno thing going on. | ||
| But she was pretty. | ||
| She didn't have to do that. | ||
| It doesn't make you look better. | ||
| It just makes you look different. | ||
| Definitely sluttier. | ||
| She had big tits to begin with. | ||
| She had big fake tits, and she got giant ones. | ||
| Now they're ridiculous. | ||
| They look stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
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I like a solid C. Solid C's good, right? | |
| It's amazing how it makes a difference. | ||
| I don't know if it's like, I don't need a crazy, crazy big. | ||
| Yeah, when you see girls who have, it's so funny, like LA is so fucked up with fake tits that you see girls got real tits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're kind of like saggy and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| And I'm like, what's wrong with those? | ||
| What's wrong with those? | ||
| Meanwhile, it's just like, that's normal. | ||
| Yeah, like, go look at fucking videos of Africa, you know? | ||
| You're not supposed to have these... | ||
| These mistletits that stick straight out of your chest. | ||
| That shit's not normal. | ||
| I think they look real nice when they go from like a B to a C. So they still hang out a little bit. | ||
| They just look like perky. | ||
|
unidentified
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They just look like they did maybe when they were 20. It's amazing though how easy it is to trick us. | |
| Some plastic surgery is good. | ||
| Do they need more of those people? | ||
| You've gotten the right path of surgery. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| You look great. | ||
| Demi Moore is 47 years old and she still looks hot. | ||
| How the fuck is she doing that? | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| The model with the buck there? | ||
| Sidney Crawford. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Highest buck? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I'm not sure in person. | ||
| Sure, but it's like, no way, not that much. | ||
| Dude, I saw her in person. | ||
| She was out of UFC maybe two years ago, so she's got to be 47, 47. Your vagina is just done. | ||
| I'm sure it's just dry as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, there's no more blood coming out of that thing. | ||
| There's no more periods. | ||
| 50, when you hit 50, that's a wrap. | ||
| There's no more periods. | ||
| There's no more periods. | ||
| That means you're not ovulating. | ||
| It means you're not really able to have babies anymore. | ||
| Your body shuts the fuck off. | ||
| You're just shooting loads into a cemetery. | ||
| You're shooting loads into a casket. | ||
| There's nothing in there. | ||
| It's a total trick. | ||
| You might as well be fucking a rubber doll. | ||
| I mean, you're having sex with a person, that's all well and good. | ||
| But as far as you shooting a load inside of her, it's a total waste of time. | ||
|
unidentified
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We don't want babies. | |
| I know you don't want babies. | ||
| I'm not saying that you do, but I'm saying like for nature. | ||
| It's like, I mean, the only reason why sex feels good is to trick you into fucking so that you make people. | ||
| Did I ever tell you about the Jewish mystical theory about what happens to your semen that you wasted? | ||
| No. | ||
| When you pull out or when you masturbate, your semen is said to have impregnated some demon woman. | ||
| It's like they are like appearing right here. | ||
| She's fucking you as you're masturbating And we get to heaven or before you have a purgatory level and You have to face all your kids and they're like, why? | ||
| Why couldn't we be born real people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they're all like formed and mangled and you have to answer to all of them. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| That might be the greatest story ever. | ||
| How come I've ever heard of you before? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| How much Kabbalah did you study? | ||
| So this, they taught you this when you were a child. | ||
| Now the people that don't know, Ari spent a bunch of years in his youth as a seriously religious man. | ||
| Like, read the Torah how many hours a day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
When I was in Israel, probably like, I don't know, 10, 12? | |
| 10, 12 hours a day reading the Torah. | ||
| We're gonna have to fire up the volcano for that, son. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta pee, too. | ||
| Alright, go ahead. | ||
| Grab some shit over there. | ||
| This is great, man. | ||
| You really revamped all this. | ||
| Oh, dude, I'm turning this bitch into a real studio. | ||
| Dude, I did it solo. | ||
| It took me like, yeah, it took me like 12 hours. | ||
| Well, I did have people help me get rid of the desk. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever heard of a volcano? | ||
| Do you know what a volcano is? | ||
| A volcano is a vaporizing device. | ||
| And what vaporizing is, is, you know, the big argument about THC, about marijuana in general, is that you shouldn't smoke it because smoke is bad for your lungs. | ||
| Well, you don't have to smoke it. | ||
| You can eat it, but eating it is very tricky, because you eat it, you get too fucked up, because when you eat it, it's processed by the liver, and it creates something called 11-hydroxymetabolite, which is four times more psychoactive than THC, and it's really a totally different experience. | ||
| You know, that's why when people eat brownies, they freak out. | ||
| That's why, you know, I'm sure a lot of you have seen that video where that dude, he's a cop, and he calls up the 911 and says that he thinks he's dying, because... | ||
| Because he and his girlfriend ate some pot brownies and he said time was moving really slow and he thinks he's dying. | ||
| Well, that's because... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Eddie Bravo is here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Check out the office. | ||
| You cleaned this motherfucker! | ||
| Dude, I got rid of the desk and I'm turning this thing into the studio. | ||
| We're live right now. | ||
| There's over 2,000 people. | ||
| This is the biggest crowd we've ever had. | ||
| Vaporizer, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| It blows into this plastic bag and it looks like saran wrap or some shit. | ||
| And you just get pure THC vapor. | ||
| And what it does is it heats up the little crystals on the THC and releases them and it comes out like mist. | ||
| So there's no smoke at all. | ||
| So there's no argument anymore. | ||
| There's no negative health effects. | ||
| That's why that's when I said smoke out of a vaporizer. | ||
| Dedicated cameras in here, and this is going to be a green screen, and we're going to be in space. | ||
| When I set this up, within two weeks, this will all be green behind us, and then when we're watching it, it'll be like we're flying through the universe on a couch. | ||
| It's going to be the shit. | ||
| Or every episode is a different path. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Sometimes today we're in Africa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For real. | |
| So what we were talking about, we went over volcanoes. | ||
| I went over Strikeforce. | ||
| I don't know if you got any opinion on Strikeforce. | ||
| I said the whole reason why that brawl took place is because they didn't guard the cage. | ||
| They didn't do a good job of making sure that nobody got in there. | ||
| Well, as soon as I saw the fight end, I was like, I want to go to their spot. | ||
| I'm like, this fight's done. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| I never won. | ||
| Mayhem went in there and talked when Jake Shields was in the cage and said, yo Jake, when am I going to get that rematch? | ||
| Gilbert Melendez pushed Mayhem out of the way. | ||
| The Diaz brothers jumped Mayhem. | ||
| Jumped him? | ||
| Mayhem pushed him. | ||
| Oh, jumped him. | ||
| It was a brawl, dude. | ||
| It was kicking him when he was down. | ||
| It was like four people on him. | ||
| Eric Apple took Jake Shields and got him out of there and pushed him over to the other side so he can get involved in the brawl. | ||
| I mean, it was a fucking bench-clearing brawl. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| There's a great picture online where someone from the audience captured it on their phone or something where Jake Shields and Nick Diaz are coming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like from behind Jake or behind Mayhem. | |
| Yeah, it's a great shot. | ||
| Mayhem is standing there and Nick Diaz is like this and Jake Shields is like that and Gilbert Melendez is on the other side. | ||
| Those fucking dudes, they have a lot of unity, and I respect that. | ||
| And everybody's like, oh, they're thugs, and they're this and that. | ||
| Well, you've got to realize, man, these dudes are fucking professional cage fighters, all right? | ||
| They're in there scrapping with each other every day. | ||
| They're down to die for each other. | ||
| Their reputation is hugely important. | ||
| They're not going to fucking back down. | ||
| They're not going to have a situation where they look like a bitch. | ||
| They're not going to allow someone to think... | ||
| Anybody to think that their buddy got disrespected but they didn't do anything about it. | ||
| That's not going to happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So any sort of a situation like that where a brawl takes place, I blame fucking Strikeforce, man. | |
| I blame Strikeforce for allowing that to get to that position. | ||
| Allowing those fucking dudes to get into the cage. | ||
| There was a brawl that comments through it last week? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| There was some ethnic people that everyone was scared of they asked to leave and they left as far as the front patio and all the door guys were scared So I'm like just call the cops and get them out of here But they wouldn't do it eventually the fight broke out and somebody's like Ari let's go to the front I saw the fight and I'm like I don't want to get involved in this. | ||
| I don't get stabbed from someone else Fuck that. | ||
| You're saying Ari let's go fight? | ||
| Well it's like everybody like come on come to the front defend everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are they, are the comedians looking at you as the enforcer now because of the two years of Jiu Jitsu? | |
| Seriously, come on No they're not. | ||
| They're not? | ||
| They're not? | ||
| They can't be for the teachers reasons No, but there's gotta be some guys who are like girl so how long do they have to go? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you hear what Gus Johnson said? | |
| This hasn't been confirmed, but I'm just going to say it because I hope it's true. | ||
| Gus Johnson, who's the black dude who does the commentary for Strikeforce, made a bunch of errors called arm bars, kimuras. | ||
| Well, anyway, this reporter called him up and asked him about it. | ||
| I think it was Mike Russell, I believe, was his name. | ||
| And he said, listen, dog, I know the difference between Aribar and Kimura. | ||
| I train. | ||
| He said, if you want to come down and roll with me, I'll show you the difference. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like challenging guys to roll with him like he trains. | |
| Like, Gus Johnson. | ||
| On the internet? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I can't read on the internet. | ||
| No, it's too far away. | ||
| We can pull this closer. | ||
| But if we pull it closer, the problem is there's three of us here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can't read it. | |
| We can't read it. | ||
| Yeah, we don't have to read it. | ||
| We've got to just talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've got to pay attention to the audience. | |
| Yeah, but you can't pay attention to the audience and keep a conversation going at the same time sometimes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's not really harsh on your lungs at all. | |
| That's just like mist. | ||
| You know what would be great? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like if the DEA busted and I have caught us on the west. | |
| We have prescriptions. | ||
| Yeah, we're legal. | ||
| I'm sick of it, and I wouldn't like to make a fight of it. | ||
| You have AIDS? Insomnia, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, not AIDS yet. | |
| So I'm going to crank this back up, and it'll fill the bag up again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| And we'll go, one more time, son! | ||
| I think, seriously, though, seriously, because this is the 420 episode, we should be allowed to have, like, order pizza and, like, have food and shit. | ||
| During the show? | ||
| It's 420. We're getting high. | ||
| You know, like snacking on shit? | ||
| Yeah, but that fucks up with the conversation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| You never had a great conversation in eating pizza? | ||
| Yeah, but people are watching this conversation. | ||
| This conversation is like a show. | ||
| But I'm talking about how it will come home again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I'm talking about. | |
| I'm starving. | ||
| How long will I take your pizza together? | ||
| I was going to go to the fast food joint, but... | ||
| Listen, why don't you just go walk into my kitchen and just go scrounge around? | ||
| We got a show to do, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| But we need to order pizza during the show. | ||
| We'll order pizza later, man. | ||
| That's pimp, man. | ||
| We'll order some pizza later. | ||
| We'll order some pizza later, and the idea will be the pizza comes right before we kill this thing, okay? | ||
| How dare you, motherfuckers. | ||
| So, um, I was telling us something hilarious. | ||
| Listen to this shit. | ||
| Stop paying attention to that. | ||
| I'll shut that off, man. | ||
| We need to be focusing on the show, son. | ||
| Ari was telling us that there's an ancient Jewish whatever the fuck it is Jewish principle thought there's a when you waste seed you're not supposed to waste semen uh-huh so um they say when you pull out and you masturbate you're not really masturbating you're fucking a demon woman who's nothing just like a ghost and when you go to heaven when you go to uh the afterlife you face all your kids that would have been born in the real life and they're born this demon woman whoa they're all deformed and like like this like why | ||
| Why'd you pull out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We wanted to be born real, little boys. | |
| That's awesome. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I can't wait to die. | ||
| See all my kids? | ||
| I thought I didn't have any kids, man. | ||
| I don't feel so bad now. | ||
| Dude, you've got a billion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've got a billion monster babies. | |
| I think it's per load. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, they don't count sperm. | ||
| So each time you're like fucking one demon. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| So how many demons do you think you got up in heaven? | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| I'm going to have a much more efficient setup here as well, ladies and gentlemen, when we get back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um, I don't know. | |
| How many demons do you think you have? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think on average, six a week. | |
| Five a week since I was... | ||
| You shoot six loads a week? | ||
| Sometimes more than one a day. | ||
| Do you ever feel like a loser when you do more than one again? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I feel like I'm alive. | |
| My dick works. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I feel like. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| Still working. | ||
| I always feel like if I jerk off more than once a day, then I'm just obsessed. | ||
| Yeah, three times a day is bad. | ||
| That's bad. | ||
| Obviously, I'm not horny. | ||
| You know, I already jerked off. | ||
| I know, but why just sit there like a little monkey at the zoo? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, in the wild, you'd be badass. | |
| What? | ||
| Spreading your seed, man. | ||
| You're not spreading your seed. | ||
| You're jerking off into a napkin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if there was a vagina there. | |
| if there was a vagina there. | ||
| No one's ever said, no, I'd rather just jerk off. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
My head feels better. | |
| I'm sorry. | ||
| That someone's telling you that masturbation is so bad that you're fucking a demon. | ||
| That's like the worst case scenario. | ||
| You're having sex with a demon and making half-demon babies that are going to be waiting for you when you die to scream and yell at you. | ||
| That is because the institution of marriage, they want that. | ||
| That helps religion. | ||
| They want people making units and breathing. | ||
| It's amazing, though. | ||
| Why do they give a fuck? | ||
| Uh, I don't know. | ||
| Why do they give a fuck if you masturbate? | ||
| What is it about masturbation? | ||
| About no masturbation, you know, that somehow or another equates to them having more control over you? | ||
| Well, the more you don't masturbate, the more you want to fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, you know, fuck women. | ||
| And you make babies. | ||
| The more you masturbate, the less babies. | ||
| Right, so that's got to be exactly why the Catholic Church doesn't want you having birth control too, right? | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Well, it's definitely way easier to control someone when they have kids. | ||
| I feel that myself. | ||
| I feel like I'm easier to control. | ||
| Now that you have kids, when you have kids, you want everything to be nice. | ||
| You want everything to be easy. | ||
| You don't want any drama. | ||
| you know, kind of like this so you can't walk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There we go. | |
| But man, the idea of demon babies, You're fucking a demon? | ||
| They came up with the worst story ever. | ||
| You're fucking a demon and you make babies that are half demon and they're waiting for you when you die. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| It's mystical stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, why stop? | |
| Because by the time you figure that out, you've already jerked off like a thousand times. | ||
| You're like, a thousand demons, 50,000 demons, I'm fucked either way. | ||
| Might as well enjoy this life. | ||
| You're facing an army of demons. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| There's got to be something you could do to cancel out the other demons to make up for. | ||
| Oh, good point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's got to be. | |
| Is there another thing you can do? | ||
| No, I didn't mention that. | ||
| Like, what if you let a great life have 12 babies, you know, with your wife? | ||
| Three little demon babies. | ||
| Your whole life. | ||
| Maybe there's like tasks you can do on earth that cancel out your demon babies. | ||
| Is there? | ||
| There's gotta be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta look into it. | |
| There's gotta be. | ||
| Because what about people that are trying to convert into this religion? | ||
| They're like, I would, but god damn it if I do that. | ||
| The Jews don't give a fuck. | ||
| I already got 75,000 demons. | ||
| The Jews are the least recruiting religion ever. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| We try to convince you not to do it. | ||
| Yeah, they make it really hard to do it. | ||
| Also, it's a Jewish thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| - Is this like a regular Jewish thing? - Jewish thing, you're trying to convert. | ||
|
unidentified
|
- No, no, no, all of them. | |
| - It's fucking ass. | ||
| - All of them. | ||
| - They're like, you don't wanna fly. | ||
| - I've never heard of this before. | ||
| - Yeah. | ||
| - I've never heard of it either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
- They'll tell you if you want to. | |
| - That's Old Testament. | ||
| - But they're like, man. | ||
| No, it is. | ||
| You study the Torah. | ||
| You used to study the Torah like 10 hours a day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you remember any of that? | |
| When David was a king, the Jews were so powerful that they wouldn't allow any conversions. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They were like, no one's doing it for the right reasons. | ||
| We can't risk it. | ||
| That's deep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you guys, what do you guys think of Jesus? | |
| They think that he was a real person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| that spoke about things. | ||
| He was a, he was a, like a sort of a wise man, but they, in fact, he went off the deep end. | ||
| So they look down on Christianity for choosing Jesus as their Savior and Lord? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They would say that, no, no, no, that's not the right guy to choose. | ||
| It's so funny how they're all sort of kind of connected. | ||
| Like, Judaism is sort of kind of connected with Christianity. | ||
| That's why all the really conservative, fundamentalist Christians wanted to control Israel. | ||
| And support Israel. | ||
| They believe in the rapture. | ||
| And they believe that when the shit goes down, that's the place to be. | ||
| Like, you have to protect them. | ||
| But they believe that they're wrong. | ||
| Even though the Bible says that they're the chosen people, the Christians are going, yeah, but you guys got the story all fucked up. | ||
| up. | ||
| We got it right. | ||
| And don't... | ||
| Wouldn't it be an awesome thing for the Jews if it came out that Jesus actually never existed? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wouldn't it be like, dude, you guys, he never even You know what I mean? | |
| That would crush the Christians. | ||
| Well, what proof do they have that Jesus existed? | ||
| They have historical documents. | ||
| Well, I looked online, man, and apparently that's very much in debate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Very much in debate. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of scholars that do not believe he was an actual person. | ||
| There's a lot of scholars that do not. | ||
| The Jews believed that Jesus existed and he was a man. | ||
| And it would benefit their cause because they would kill each other. | ||
| It slice each other if you weren't their religion I believe that they were the former rap the great rabbis would talk about would be what Jesus see that's what my thing is That makes me think that even though there isn't that much proof that he actually even was alive and there's a lot of holes in that one DVD, the God that never was, all that shit, how come the Jews and the Muslims don't jump on that Jesus Christ never existed? | ||
| Well, I don't think. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So that makes me think, damn, he probably was a man who was a bad motherfucker. | |
| Who knows? | ||
| That's what it sounds like. | ||
| But the issue is... | ||
| They said false prophet. | ||
| They said there's many false prophets. | ||
| Either way, if the guy existed, for sure he didn't walk on water and come back from the dead. | ||
| Yeah, that was like someone thinking Bruce Lee could really beat up 50 people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Like, Bruce Lee the real guy and Bruce Lee the superstar, two different fucking people. | ||
| But it's hilarious how many people banked their life on some story that would not make any fucking sense if you told it today. | ||
| Like, if you told that story today and said there was a dude who walked on water and came back from the dead, everybody would go, just shut the fuck up. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| But because it's 2,000 years ago, everybody's like, whoa. | ||
| That shit could really happen. | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
| Like anything, like rational people that you talk to that would... | ||
| There was a guy that when we were doing Fear Factor, who we did a family Fear Factor. | ||
| We came to people's houses and made them do things. | ||
| You know, we traveled all across the country. | ||
| This dude was a teacher. | ||
| He was a fucking math teacher. | ||
| And he was telling me, like, scientifically... | ||
| That Jesus existed because you can prove it because they've looked at molecules that are too complex to have just occurred naturally. | ||
| This is a super, that's a ridiculous argument. | ||
| And this is a super, super smart guy. | ||
| And I was listening to him talk, you know, supposedly super smart guy. | ||
| And I was listening to this guy talk, and I'm like, how nutty is that? | ||
| That this guy can't see that he believes in some nonsense. | ||
| Also, that's not the reason you can say Right, but you can never say that nothing can exist naturally. | ||
| You don't know the power of nature. | ||
| Nature is absolutely ridiculous, completely unpredictable. | ||
| There's subatomic particles that blink in and out of existence all the time. | ||
| They appear in two places at once. | ||
| This is science. | ||
| Real shit we know that exists in nature. | ||
| The whole pattern of nature is It's gigantic. | ||
| The Fibonacci sequence that you see in pine cones and pineapples and all sorts of different plants. | ||
| And it exists in human facial features. | ||
| There's like a mathematical code to all this stuff. | ||
| It doesn't mean that there's a fucking dude pressing the button. | ||
| It might mean that the whole thing is just super complicated and conscious. | ||
| What do you mean dude pressing the button? | ||
| There's a God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a dude. | |
| We want to break it down to someone like us. | ||
| Well, yeah, you're talking about the old man with the beard in the sky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But Jesus being this guy comes back to the dead. | |
| Oh no, for sure. | ||
| All of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fables. | |
| Of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You say of course, but it's amazing how many people don't say that. | ||
| It sounded like you were saying that you were describing how wonderful the universe is in the Fibonacci series and how it's all like this code and structure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then you said why does there have to be a God doing that? | |
| Like to me, I was like, there is an intelligence other side that is way too complex for us to understand. | ||
| Well, it's what I don't think it is. | ||
| I mean, it could be that everything has an intelligence about it. | ||
| What I don't think it is is a single entity. | ||
| I think it's much more likely that the whole big picture. | ||
| It's an interconnected thing. | ||
| We totally agree. | ||
| It's like an ocean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the ocean, and then we're like little water molecules, but it's the ocean. | |
| It's all, exactly. | ||
| And that's what psychedelic experiences feel like. | ||
| It feels like you're in the ocean sometimes. | ||
| It feels like you're all connected all around you to something that you don't see ordinarily. | ||
| Those mushrooms, I never told you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did them by myself on a fucking Thursday night. | |
| I decided to party by myself. | ||
| Then I took all those fucking mushrooms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got pictures and everything and down Huh, how many the whole thing double that wasn't five grams now no it wasn't five times for that That was like three and a half. | |
| Okay. | ||
| So I did them all myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And just wanted to let you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And how was it? | ||
| It was pretty fucking insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was insane. | ||
| But not as intense as it would have been at five grams. | ||
| It was pretty intense, but the five grams was like DMT. Five grams really is that threshold point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| That was about a year and a half ago when I did the five grams and fucking... | ||
| I was at a zoo and I just woke up in the zoo Did you feel like you were in prison? | ||
| Like you were watching their sorrow? | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We just had to get the fuck out! | |
| Zoos are super negative, man. | ||
| I feel terrible when I go to the zoo. | ||
| I do not like it at all. | ||
| It makes me feel bad. | ||
| I used to enjoy it because I used to enjoy staring at the animals. | ||
| But then one time I went high. | ||
| I went one time when I was super baked. | ||
| And when I did... | ||
| What I did when I was super baked, I felt terrible. | ||
| I got really sad. | ||
| I thought it was a terrible, terrible thing that they were doing, was just taking these animals and shoving them into these cages, and they don't even get to do it, and they just pace. | ||
| Yeah, the polar bear at the L.A. Zoo, he'll just pace back and forth by that back door, just waiting for that fucking back white door. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like fake ice and a white door, you know. | |
| Yeah, that's horrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man, I freaked the fuck out. | |
| Went out to the parking lot and this chick I was with, we did the exact same thing and we saw the exact same shit. | ||
| We looked at the mountains. | ||
| We would stop in the middle of the parking lot because everything was connected. | ||
| It was all connected. | ||
| I go, look at the sky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like this guy would dance and do form into like Aztec writing. | |
| We'd look at the mountains in the distance, like miles away, like Pasadena Mountains, and all this like Aztec patterns. | ||
| They're forming the Aztec patterns. | ||
| You see that? | ||
| And I was going, are you seeing what, look at the mountains. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you seeing? | |
| It's like the Aztec patterns dancing, and look at the sky. | ||
| The clouds, the clouds are in their spot for a second, and then they form, and I remember Connor telling me, because Connor's the one who, uh, um, turned me on to the dude who had him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He, uh, uh, said the same, he goes, dude, he spoke, the clouds are gonna dance for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, Wow, I didn't even pay attention to that, really, until it was actually happening. | |
| We get in the fucking car. | ||
| You're like, okay, cool, whatever. | ||
| I swear to God, I was driving on the freeway, freaking out. | ||
| I didn't know if there was cars next to me, on the side of me, but it really did look like as I was driving on the freeway, like I was in What Dreams May Come. | ||
| Remember that shit? | ||
| I was driving on the freeway and it was like rose petals and like bushes That was fucking insane, dude. | ||
| That, by the way, we don't want to encourage driving while high on mushrooms. | ||
| No, I was just trying to get home. | ||
| That was a terrible mistake. | ||
| All I wanted to do is get home, get in my little fucking dark room, and just close my eyes and enjoy that light show. | ||
| Because that light show was fucking insane. | ||
| The twirling beauty of... | ||
| You just kind of didn't explain it. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| That's all I wanted to see. | ||
| Why do you think you see certain religious symbolism and Hindu shit and Buddhas? | ||
| That's where they got it from. | ||
| You think that's where they got it from? | ||
| It must be, right? | ||
| Dude, people have been doing mushrooms since the dawn of time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Alex Gray shit. | ||
| He's telling you that's where it's coming from. | ||
| Well, Alex Gray is. | ||
| You know those things that I have in my office, the Garuda, those birds? | ||
| You know what I'm talking about in the media room? | ||
| They're these crazy psychedelic birds. | ||
| And when I did DMT ones, I saw those things. | ||
| I saw that imagery. | ||
| And then when I went to a store and saw them for sale, I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| Is it something that's already there? | ||
| We just can't tune into it until we take psychedelics? | ||
| Or is it the same hallucination happens to every person who takes a drug? | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think that it's just, it opens up your senses somehow to this other dimension and all these dimensions that are all around us. | ||
| Right, like we're in a radio and we're only tuned into 97.1. | ||
| There's an infinite number of stations. | ||
| We're just going to another station. | ||
| That's possible too. | ||
| What is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't personally think that. | |
| I don't think that I don't think the shit that I'm seeing, I don't know what you're seeing, but the shit that I'm seeing with five grams, I don't know if you've done five grams, but the shit you see when you do five grams is, for me, who knows, it seems impossible for me to dream that up in my brain. | ||
| Like, it's just the most beautifully constructed, flowing It's in that | ||
| same vein, but a thousand times more complex. | ||
| Way more complex. | ||
| I'm not designing this. | ||
| I'm not controlling this. | ||
| There's someone else controlling this. | ||
| Someone else is making this shit, not me. | ||
| It seems like that's definitely one option, but another option is that that stuff supercharges your perceptions and just makes your imagination more hypersensitive and it makes your visualizations go wild because it reacts with all sorts of different eyes that you use to see things. | ||
| This is a parasite that lives in the sewers and it only feeds on cats' brains. | ||
| So what it does is... | ||
| It's a worm, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but it lets rats eat them. | |
| And then it burrows into their brain. | ||
| And the only thing that changes the rats, it doesn't change any of their behavior at all, except it takes away their fear of cats. | ||
| So they will get eaten by a cat. | ||
| Everything else is the same. | ||
| They eat and breathe and do everything. | ||
| When they see a cat, they're like, oh, what's up? | ||
| Nothing major. | ||
| Cat kills it. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| And that's his brain. | ||
| He's like, no, it's totally fine. | ||
| We talked about this one on the show. | ||
| The other one that they do where there's a worm that gets inside a grasshopper and convinces the grasshopper to commit suicide so that it can hatch out of its body. | ||
| It grows inside the grasshopper and teaches the grasshopper to jump into the water and kill itself. | ||
| It's an aquatic worm. | ||
| So it has to be hatched in the fucking water. | ||
| How money are things like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's just crazy. | |
| Like just that alone right there is so fucking amazing. | ||
| It's so amazing. | ||
| It's just another like, you know, there's something going on, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's something going on. | |
| I think, well, there's definitely something going on, but I think our idea that our culture is based on is just that we want it to be close to us. | ||
| We want it to be like a super version of us, which is like what a God is. | ||
| It's like a super version of a human. | ||
| But, you know, with all these rules and God is, you know, fucking kind of addictive and gets pissed at you if you fuck up and, you know, a lot of religions is willing to kill you if you don't listen to them. | ||
| You know, we want it like a super version of us. | ||
| But it's much more possible that this whole thing is just... | ||
| Connected to something that you can't stop. | ||
| Some big, powerful thing that feeds off itself. | ||
| Everything in this world has a role and plays a part in this thing. | ||
| It's just we're used to it. | ||
| We don't realize how nutty it really fucking is because we're used to it. | ||
| Because it's just a normal part of our day. | ||
| And people get used to anything. | ||
| People in Africa have giant plates they stick in their lips. | ||
| And all the girls do it. | ||
| We just get used to stupid shit. | ||
| And once we're used to something, then everything becomes fine. | ||
| And then we think that there's some sort of a grand order to things. | ||
| It's really getting weirder and weirder as I get older. | ||
| As I get older and I look at our culture and I look at life on this planet. | ||
| I look at my own mortality. | ||
| The fact that I'm like... | ||
| The next half of my life is going to be the half of my life where my body doesn't work good. | ||
| That's just the way it is. | ||
| Getting... | ||
| You're going to have health issues if you don't watch your diet. | ||
| You have to make sure you get the proper sleep or you might get heart attacks and shit. | ||
| Things start going wrong. | ||
| When you really start assessing this whole big picture of what this really is, it's like, God, I feel like I've been flying without a manual for so long. | ||
| Like, just operating my life, not really having any idea how to do it correctly, just fucking up, learning from my fuck-ups, starting from scratch. | ||
| I feel like there's such, it's got to be a way better way to learn life than the way we do it. | ||
| So by the time you get yourself and your own personality figured out, and your own, the way you interact with people figured out, by the time you get that figured out, it's like, God, you're already dying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I know what I do now and I go back to that age, I get laid so much. | |
| Oh god, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, if you look like you were 30 for like 30 years, that'll be perfect. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| If I was like 19 and I knew right now, I'd be like, "Oh, okay." They need more advancements in skin care for men. | ||
| It seems like we're not supposed to live long enough to figure this out. | ||
| It seems like the reason why turtles live to be a thousand years old and people live to be a hundred is because we're not supposed to- it would- Turtles live a thousand years? | ||
| Yeah, there's some tortoises. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No way. | |
| Was that on National Geographic? | ||
| God dammit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
A thousand, like today, right now. | |
| Oh yeah. | ||
| God damn! | ||
| A thousand years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn! | |
| So they literally lived like back when people were writing, like, you know, like, fucking, what was the thousand year old writing? | ||
| They should put like little black boxes on them. | ||
| Like a baby journal? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They had to write everything out on paper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Everything was written out. | ||
| A thousand years ago they might have been doing it on animal skins too, a lot. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You know, like the Dead Sea Scrolls, that shit was all written on animal skins. | ||
| Those motherfuckers didn't even know paper. | ||
| They didn't even have paper back then. | ||
| There could be a Dead Sea Scroll on a fucking turtle right now. | ||
| Yeah, attached to one. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I wish I knew for sure who's telling the truth about the Dead Sea Scrolls. | ||
| Because I don't have enough time to learn ancient Hebrew or Aramaic and go back and read the Dead Sea Scrolls and decipher it for myself. | ||
| But there's all this dispute on what the Dead Sea Scrolls actually mean. | ||
| And some people say that it contains all kinds of nutty shit like fucking... | ||
| UFOs and flying saucers. | ||
| I mean, there's guys who have deciphered Dead Sea Scrolls. | ||
| Like the John Marco Allegro guy says it's all about mushrooms. | ||
| He said all it was about was them eating the Amanita muscaria mushroom and fertility rituals. | ||
| And he breaks it all down, like the origins of the words. | ||
| But people argue against him and I don't know who's right. | ||
| It's too complex. | ||
| They should have a fucking live thing on ABC, where all the best scientists on the planet, all the best linguists, they get together. | ||
| that should be important let's decipher this shit in front of the world live satellite feed from fucking France Allegro I believe Allegro passed away the guy who wrote that book but he was the he was the one of the head guys deciphering He worked on it for 14 years, and he was the only agnostic in the group. | ||
| You know, they had a bunch of people that were all ordained ministers, and they were the decipherers, and they were all religious people. | ||
| And he started out a religious person, but when he started studying theology, he realized somewhere along the line, this is obviously bullshit, and he just became agnostic. | ||
| So he looked at the whole picture completely. | ||
| Absolutely different than all the other guys. | ||
| They all refuted his findings. | ||
| But there's a lot of people that say he's right. | ||
| A lot of people that say that he was the head scholar. | ||
| He was the number one dude and he was the guy who had it all right. | ||
| He was the guy who was looking at it objectively and everybody else was looking at it with a religious slam. | ||
| This fucking guy thinks it was all about mushrooms. | ||
| It was all about psychedelic mushrooms. | ||
| That they would hide these mushrooms from the Romans. | ||
| And they would hide what the magic and what the mushrooms can do. | ||
| And the way they hid it from them is in stories. | ||
| And they didn't even write it down for like a thousand years. | ||
| They just told each other as a story for a thousand years. | ||
| So it just became all fucked up. | ||
| And so he breaks down like ancient words. | ||
| He broke down the word Christ. | ||
| He brought it back to an ancient Sumerian word that means a mushroom covered in God's semen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| Because when they thought it was raining, they thought God was coming on the earth. | ||
| That's why things would come up on the earth. | ||
| Like come wasn't bad to them. | ||
| So, like, when God would reign, and he was coming on the earth, these mushrooms would just appear because they didn't have microscopes. | ||
| They didn't know what a fucking spore is. | ||
| They couldn't see microscopic things. | ||
| So they didn't see any seed or anything, and all of a sudden, these big mushrooms appear, like, the next day. | ||
| They grow quick, and then they start eating them, and they trip their fucking balls out. | ||
| They don't want anybody else to know about this. | ||
| So they tried to hide this information. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They were told, oh, they were keeping it from their enemies. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
| God jerking off. | ||
| Isn't that? | ||
| That's how they used to look at him. | ||
| Or did he pull out of like some goddess? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| He pulled out. | ||
| He came somehow. | ||
| Dude, you've got to think about this. | ||
| Like daddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've got to think about this. | |
| If it feels so good to have a baby right now, think about how good it feels to have a baby right now. | ||
| It's an amazing, incredible feeling. | ||
| But most babies now, they live. | ||
| They live to be grown-ups. | ||
| They go to be adults. | ||
| You don't have to worry about them getting eaten by lions. | ||
| You don't have to worry about plague. | ||
| But the people that lived back then had the same love for their kids as we do now. | ||
| But they couldn't help it. | ||
| So people were dying left and right. | ||
| There's nothing you can do to stop it. | ||
| That must have been nuts, man. | ||
| That must have been fucking horrifying. | ||
| You have kids that just died. | ||
| That must be why they had all these rituals. | ||
| Fertility rituals are so important. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They wanted to have as many kids as possible. | |
| They wanted a mortality rate for children. | ||
| Roman times is 50%. | ||
| Half the people die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Half the kids die. | |
| God damn. | ||
| Before what? | ||
| It's probably like adulthood. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I don't think that makes sense. | ||
| Only half of them make it to adulthood. | ||
| It's so fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a mission. | |
| That was on Discovery, so I don't know the History Channel. | ||
| Don't quote me on that. | ||
| Oh no, that makes sense. | ||
| But I remember that. | ||
| Look, even if it wasn't 50%, it had to be a high number. | ||
| I mean, they just didn't have... | ||
| You guys, can someone check that? | ||
| Mortality rate, enrollment times? | ||
| Google that shit, son. | ||
| I think it's 50%. | ||
| Could be wrong. | ||
| Dude, I've had two major surgeries. | ||
| Both my knees reconstructed. | ||
| Both ACLs. | ||
| And one more minor surgery, my meniscus surgery on my knee. | ||
| But if I lived, you know, a thousand years ago, I'd be fucked, man. | ||
| I'd be fucked. | ||
| You wouldn't be doing jiu-jitsu, so that wouldn't have happened. | ||
| You wouldn't have been playing softball. | ||
| But it could have happened anyway. | ||
| People do it working. | ||
| You wouldn't have been a softball champion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Softball. | |
| I smashed my knee. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's guys out there that are fucking champions in softball. | |
| Like, they're the fucking Mark McGuire of softball. | ||
| There's guys out there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who is the Softball. | |
| How accurate can you be when you whip that fucking thing around? | ||
| They are. | ||
| It looks dope. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Them chicks. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think I've ever seen a chick throw that hard regular. | ||
| Have you ever seen a chick throw that hard regular? | ||
| No, it's clearly the right way to do it. | ||
| Yeah, why do they throw underneath? | ||
| That's like... | ||
| You know, it's like breaking the balls in the pool. | ||
| You know how you try to break the balls really hard? | ||
| But if you watch a little person, they have a loose wrist and they just SMASH! There's like a timing to it where they just know exactly how to put their weight into it. | ||
| Isn't it weird? | ||
| Jujutsu is such a strange thing when it comes to techniques. | ||
| It's like the more you do techniques, the more those techniques just become ingrained in the way your body moves. | ||
| Your body just gets real good at the movement. | ||
| So he teached your body movements. | ||
| What did you think of Jake Shields' control all night? | ||
| Fucking incredible! | ||
| Jake Shields is a natural 170 pounder. | ||
| And Dan Henderson's a monster. | ||
| Dude, he took... | ||
| First of all, I'm just impressed as fuck that he survived that first round. | ||
| That first round, he got face-planted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He got blasted like Henderson hit him on the bottom. | |
| You had it here? | ||
| No, I erased it. | ||
| I erased it. | ||
| Henderson hit him on the bottom. | ||
| You erased it? | ||
| Yeah, I erased it. | ||
| We'll watch that clip. | ||
| But, uh, Henderson faceplant, uh, faceplants, uh, shields. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he just had to blindly die for a leg. | |
| Dude, he got cracked. | ||
| And then Henderson hits him again with a hard uppercut, dude. | ||
| And he goes down again. | ||
| He got fucked up in that first round. | ||
| He's always got a chance. | ||
| But then he came on strong in the second round, and Henderson started to fade a little bit. | ||
| And Jake Shields started taking him down, fucking controlling him. | ||
| They were saying that Henderson's been having problems with his back. | ||
| So, you know, he looked kind of stiff. | ||
| That could have been what's going on. | ||
| It could have been why he couldn't stuff the takedown. | ||
| But, man, Shields looked good. | ||
| Total control. | ||
| Mounting him. | ||
| Just mounting him over and over again. | ||
| And Henderson could not shake him. | ||
| Couldn't finish them. | ||
| And never went for one arm bar. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's 420. | ||
| It is 420. | ||
|
unidentified
|
4.20. | |
| Ridiculous. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| I am high. | ||
| Yeah, this is ridiculous. | ||
| You're not supposed to get this high. | ||
| I think 4.20 is time to order pizza. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| What do you think? | ||
| Can me and Ori order pizza and you just give us that address? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll do it at the end. | |
| We'll do it at the end, man. | ||
| This is a TV show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it just takes a... | |
| They don't give a shit. | ||
| They do, though. | ||
| There's people listening to this on iTunes, too. | ||
| At this point in time, they're already like... | ||
| Are we allowed to eat pizza? | ||
| I bet no one says no. | ||
| I think this is a good idea. | ||
| They're all like, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They're all looking at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Read. | |
| Yeah, dude, go for it. | ||
| Okay, sick news slides. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I'm a good sucker. | |
| Oh, shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No sardines, please. | |
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| You can't even read, son. | ||
| Look! | ||
| More pizza! | ||
| More pizza! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pizza for everyone! | |
| Eyeballs fixed. | ||
| Hey, how come you haven't gotten an operation that your eyeball's fixed? | ||
|
unidentified
|
See? | |
| No pizza! | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| Fuck you, Appy387! | ||
| How come you haven't got your eyeballs fixed? | ||
| Are you scared of that? | ||
| No, I'm not scared at all. | ||
| I just haven't done it. | ||
| Would you want to do it though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What about you? | ||
| The contacts are just so easy. | ||
| I don't even know where they're at. | ||
| I never even got contacts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sometimes I leave my contacts in for like three or four days and shit. | |
| I don't think you're supposed to. | ||
| But don't you want to get them fixed though? | ||
| Would you like to not have the contacts? | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| All you have to do is put these little things in your eye and now you can see better. | ||
| Yeah, I see fine. | ||
| How nutty is that? | ||
| I mean, seeing is so fucking important. | ||
| And you can fix it with a little piece of plastic. | ||
| How did they figure that shit out? | ||
| How did they figure out contacts? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Someone figure that out. | |
| That's incredible. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| That might be one of the coolest inventions of all time. | ||
| I want to see a documentary. | ||
| Dude, it's nuts. | ||
| All the shit that people can do right now. | ||
| Think about all the shit that people can do right now. | ||
| It's getting so nutty. | ||
| It's getting so crazy. | ||
| What the fuck is going to be the next big thing? | ||
| Because no one saw the internet coming. | ||
| No one ever thought it was going to affect people the way it's affecting the human race right now. | ||
| Because if they did, they would have never let it get out. | ||
| No corporations would have ever wanted the internet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's too tricky. | |
| It's too hard to control. | ||
| It's too unpredictable. | ||
| What the fuck is going to be the next thing? | ||
| Because this isn't going to be the last thing. | ||
| You don't think the internet, that's it? | ||
| It's gotta be like, first it's gonna be like hologram laptops where you're just gonna need like maybe a little, little block and then it just blows up or something. | ||
| No processes in your brain. | ||
| I think it's gonna be neural implants. | ||
| Just thinking it happens. | ||
| I think it's gonna be neural implants or the other idea that I have was not a neural implant but that they figure out the frequency of your brain. | ||
| Like what if they get your brain to work like a Wi-Fi signal? | ||
| Like what if your brain, like obviously, you know, Input comes into your brain in the form of hearing things and seeing things and these electrical impulses or however the hell sight and sound is created and how you represent that stuff in your head. | ||
| Those are like signals that are coming in from your eyes, from your organs. | ||
| What if there's a way to get that signal out into the air? | ||
| So instead of it having to be directly input into your brain with sight signals and with the signals that your ear is giving, what if there's a way to tune the whole mind like a Wi-Fi with some sort of a neural implant or something that activates a certain portion of the brain and literally allows your brain to tune in to everyone else's brain? | ||
| Like we all share a giant hard drive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like that totally seems possible. | ||
| It seems to me like they're just, they just have to figure out how that would work and what kind of a frequency that would operate under. | ||
| But if they can, they can introduce all sorts of things into people's brains. | ||
| This guy, they did an operation on him and they stimulated a part of his brain. | ||
| And he started... | ||
| I forget what they were trying to do. | ||
| This was an accident. | ||
| But in stimulating part of his brain, he started remembering shit from his childhood, like in graphic detail, like it was happening right there, right in front of him. | ||
| Like, they literally figured out how to charge and jumpstart your memories. | ||
| You know, if they could do shit like that... | ||
| They can introduce thoughts to people's minds. | ||
| They can read vision. | ||
| They can read vision now. | ||
| They can put little things on your head and you look at something and a computer will show an image of what you're looking at. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's incredible. | |
| It's insane. | ||
| I mean, not a good image. | ||
| They haven't figured it out good yet. | ||
| But if you read letters, you can see the letter A. Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| But not like pictures. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| But dude, it's close, man. | ||
| Well, then they'll be able to figure out memories, too. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| How do we rethink the world if we realize that memories are completely unpredictable? | ||
| That memories are so easy to scramble. | ||
| When you think about how much of human history was just written down and spoken on memories, how bad are memories? | ||
| Lately, when I get into an argument with somebody about something, some ways things happen, and they're like, no, I think something happened, and you're like, you know what? | ||
| We're just remembering it differently. | ||
| And I have no idea if I'm the one who's wrong or they are. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a good way to look at it, man. | |
| And I'd like to say, no, no, no, you're remembering it wrong. | ||
| But it's like, why do I think I'm the one who's not them? | ||
| You gotta be real careful about that. | ||
| I went back to my town, where I grew up in, and I hadn't been here in like 10 years, and I remembered everything different, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll never forget that. | |
| My house looked different. | ||
| The fucking street looked different. | ||
| I thought the staircase was on the That's weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I went to the place that I lived at when I was three in L.A., an apartment, and my dad got my mom. | |
| It was exactly like that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was shocked. | |
| Different memories go different ways. | ||
| Some places change, though. | ||
| Some places do change. | ||
| They might knock down a building and change shit around. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| That building was exactly the same. | ||
| How old were you when you remembered it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got like... | |
| Maybe four images from three. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| The way the street looked there, you know, the Safeway. | ||
| I remember that Safeway used to be there. | ||
| I feel like at this time, you're just remembering having remembered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| So you're I think that's very important. | ||
| You remember your memory of the memory. | ||
| Yeah, I don't even think I have those original old memories before. | ||
| I just remember thinking about it. | ||
| And then one little thing can throw you off and then it shifts your idea of, oh no, that's not what happened. | ||
| Oh wait, no, no, no, this happened. | ||
| And then all of a sudden you see it better. | ||
| But you were just committed to the way you saw it ten seconds ago and it was the incorrect way. | ||
| It's not fucking reliable enough. | ||
| It's what I was thinking before about the reason why turtles live to be a thousand years and people only live to be a hundred. | ||
| I don't think you can keep our purpose going and keep us living. | ||
| Because the way society seems to work best is that people don't live long enough to figure out that it's all bullshit. | ||
| Because if they do, then chaos, restructuring, everything goes to a different way, and that's not the way that humans are going right now. | ||
| The way we're going is like some sort of a global domination thing, some sort of a technological singularity thing. | ||
| We're moving further and further and further. | ||
| If we were able to step back and, as a culture, get old enough to realize how silly that all is, and realize how much better life would be if we all just Relaxed and shared resources and be nice to each other and treat the world as if we're friends and work this all out together. | ||
| But nothing would ever get done. | ||
| Things get done because people are competing. | ||
| When people are competing, people hate the other people they're competing against. | ||
| Whether it's countries or companies or political parties or anything. | ||
| So, when that kind of shit happens, that competition is why we make newer and better things. | ||
| If there was no competition like that, there wouldn't be the pressure to be the best at everything. | ||
| If you didn't hate the other people, there wouldn't be this pressure to dominate them and crush them. | ||
| Can we live in a world like the Amazon Indians? | ||
| Can the whole world live like that? | ||
| Well, there's a reason why those dudes are still running around with fucking pieces of animal flesh covering their dick. | ||
| Maybe it is. | ||
| It's certainly an alternative. | ||
| But I think we have to look at human nature as being natural. | ||
| And I think that if we look at everything else as being natural, if we look at the way wolves behave and the way monkeys behave, we look at their simple lives as being natural. | ||
| Why don't we look at the course of humanity as being natural? | ||
| We're pretending that it's something that we all consciously control. | ||
| But if we do, why is it so fucked up still? | ||
| Why is there so much political corruption when we know there's so much political corruption? | ||
| Why are we still going to war when we know that wars are ridiculous and that they're only ways for profit? | ||
| Why do we keep continuing along the same lines even though rationally we must know at a certain point in time this is an insane way to live? | ||
| Well, maybe it's because that's just the way people live. | ||
| That's what people do. | ||
| That we're moving towards, that this behavior pushes us towards something. | ||
| It pushes us. | ||
| Something. | ||
| Some end of humanity. | ||
| We're all in our little worlds thinking it's all about us, but meanwhile, whatever's going on, you're just producing an energy that needs to collectively do something in the world or something. | ||
| We've got our little lives. | ||
| And it goes to what Ari was saying about the parasite. | ||
| Like, think about that. | ||
| Think about the animal that this parasite lives in. | ||
| The animal this parasite lives in has no fucking idea. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They have no idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No idea. | |
| Not aware of existence at all. | ||
| I mean, the rat has no idea. | ||
| The cat has no idea when it eats the rat. | ||
| I mean, the whole thing is bananas. | ||
| It's bananas. | ||
| And it's all interconnected. | ||
| Is it possible to make those crazy cat ladies, too? | ||
| Because a few people aren't immune to the fucking parasite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, maybe. | |
| There is a certain cat parasite that has infected a tremendous amount of the female population in Brazil and a bunch of other countries. | ||
| And this is an actual parasite that makes women more docile. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably the same thing. | ||
| It's probably something about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No fear. | |
| I have to look that up because I remember that it does something. | ||
| Yeah, but they make some daxile. | ||
| We should fucking ice for me. | ||
| Market that shit. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| I think that's why women in Brazil, I have to find this. | ||
| I have to Google this right now. | ||
| This is too strange. | ||
| I have to find this out because I can't remember what it was when I read it. | ||
| Parasite in Brazil. | ||
| Cats, women. | ||
| I gotta find this fucking article. | ||
| Mood-altering cat parasites make women friendly. | ||
| And men into jerks. | ||
| Dude! | ||
| That's Brazil! | ||
| And men into jerks? | ||
| I mean, think about how many really friendly girls come from Brazil and how many super aggressive dudes. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| If you look up, Google what I looked up, you come up with quite a few articles about it. | ||
| It's a parasite that causes rats to sacrifice themselves to cats, may also change human behavior, making women more outgoing and warm-hearted, and men more jealous and suspicious. | ||
| The toxoplasma protist is shed in cat feces, which are then eaten by rats. | ||
| Infected rats become fearless in the presence of cats, which makes them easier to catch, which in turn spreads the disease to new cats. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It makes women nicer. | ||
| It makes men douchebags. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nature is totally rooting against us. | |
| They're finding new ways to keep us How crazy is that, man? | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| Because men who are more douchey are more likely to fuck a bunch of different women and impregnate them, like fuck their friends, women, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| The more douchey the guy is, the more he's going to do creepy shit to go get laid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So the more likely that's going to make accidental babies all over the place. | |
| It's going to keep spreading. | ||
| - Yeah, maybe nature likes douchebags. - Well, it goes back to what I said. | ||
| It's almost like you don't really achieve unless there's competition. | ||
| And competition doesn't really mean anything unless it's competition like primal. | ||
| A man who hates you. | ||
| You hate him and he hates you. | ||
| And it really forces you to work hard. | ||
| That's why companies fucking hate each other. | ||
| Companies that compete against each other are rarely friendly. | ||
| They fucking hate each other. | ||
| Maybe they're supposed to. | ||
| Maybe that's the most efficient way to get things done. | ||
| You have to light a fire under someone's ass in order to get the most productivity out of them. | ||
| Hate equals productivity. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, your life would certainly be better off if you didn't have that, you know, that aspect to you, but you wouldn't be as successful if you didn't have that aspect to you either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, uh, fucked up shit, like war, you know, that's how it's supposed to happen. | |
| That's a terrible conclusion. | ||
| It's a terrible conclusion, but it might be that everything we do is the way we're supposed to do it. | ||
| There you have it, jealous for war. | ||
| It's not that I want to do it, but someone's going to do it. | ||
| It's just the way they've been doing business forever. | ||
| It's going to take way too long for that to settle down. | ||
| All these people that promise that they're not going to have war anymore. | ||
| Like, look at Obama. | ||
| He promised that he was going to stop all this. | ||
| He's going to pull people out. | ||
| More people in. | ||
| Just more in than ever. | ||
| Remember how George Bush made fun of him playing golf? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They said Obama has already played more golf than George Bush has in, like, I think his first term. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Within his first year. | ||
| He's played 32 times. | ||
| They said George Bush played 28. | ||
| And he cut a lot of flack for 28 times. | ||
| Obama's a very smart guy. | ||
| Very good speaker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's really all I have to say about him. | |
| Other than that, I'm not seeing anything different. | ||
| He's not doing any of the things he said he would do. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I don't know about the stimulus package. | ||
| I don't know what's going to really happen with that. | ||
| How come you haven't looked into that shit? | ||
| Because it's too fucking complicated. | ||
| Did you look into healthcare? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Did you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| Well, my problem with all this stuff is where do I put my attention? | ||
| How much time do I have in a day? | ||
| What do I want to think about? | ||
| Do I want to concentrate on, oh, how are they fucking us? | ||
| Oh, you know, where's this more corruption coming in? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| That would be insane. | ||
| What's the latest on that? | ||
| If they do that, Ari and Eddie and myself are medical patients. | ||
| We are under California law. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're all sick. | |
| Yeah, we're all sick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have insomnia, lower back pain. | |
| I've gotten injured, I have two surgeries on my knees. | ||
| It's all real. | ||
| And it's a nice calming agent for you during the day. | ||
| It's a perspective enhancer, right? | ||
| I just do it for the insomnia. | ||
| I say I don't smoke pot all the time. | ||
| I just smoke pot before I have sex, before I do comedy, before I write comedy, before I do jujitsu, before I know I'm going to eat something delicious. | ||
| So it's not all the time. | ||
| It's just before cool shit to make it better. | ||
| I almost feel like now whenever I'm like, oh, I'm going to go get a burrito or something, I'm like, oh, let me make this better. | ||
| Then I'll get the burrito. | ||
| The first time Eddie got me high, we went. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And got ice cream sundaes. | |
| You went on stage that night and you were talking about how great that ice cream sundae was. | ||
| You couldn't believe it. | ||
| It was the greatest thing ever. | ||
| You wrote material about how good it took. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| Well, right away, the material made more sense. | ||
| I could write material right there. | ||
| By the way, the Iron Sheik smoked weed only during his big fights. | ||
| Before all Hulk Hogan fights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so crazy. | |
| He likes smoking weed after he trains and after he wrestles. | ||
| Unless it's a big match, like Bob Backlund and all the Hulk Hogan. | ||
| He was always high during those matches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He loves weed. | |
| He knows a lot about weed. | ||
| Iron Sheik knows his shit. | ||
| I mean, he also knows a lot of other shit too, but... | ||
| The Iron Sheik is a pothead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got a fucking 45 minutes worth of interview with him. | |
| I'm going to start posting little clips. | ||
| Where? | ||
| You weren't there when I told the story last night? | ||
| I walked in towards the end of it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| My buddy Danny calls me up and goes, dude, I'm going to fucking meet Iron Sheik right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How the fuck did that happen? | |
| He goes, he's in town for like the comic book convention. | ||
| He goes, and I Twittered his manager and I asked his manager if I gave him 200 bucks, if he could He has for me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He loves it. | |
| He wants Iron Sheep to do his. | ||
| So the manager, you know, they need money. | ||
| The manager goes, come on down. | ||
| We're at this hotel. | ||
| And I go, oh shit. | ||
| And he goes, you want to roll? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I go, fuck yeah. | |
| So he jumped in, went to the hotel. | ||
| But they were waiting outside. | ||
| And Danny pulled up and goes, fuck. | ||
| It looks like they're in a fucking big hurry because he was texting them. | ||
| Hurry up. | ||
| Where are you guys at? | ||
| We've got to go to the airport as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wanted to give them 200 bucks to sit and rap with them and get a lot of shit. | |
| You know, so, um, he said, fuck it, whatever, so let's do it really quick. | ||
| So he pulls into this hotel, Iron Cheek's like rude and shit. | ||
| He's like, oh, we gotta go to the airport, let's make this quick, let's make this quick. | ||
| Like, oh man, okay, whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unless you want to take me to the airport. | |
| You know, like, will you drive me to the airport? | ||
| And we're like, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That way we get him for fucking 40 minutes, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So we gotta, we had him in the You should make a documentary. | |
| How many minutes do you have? | ||
| It's like 45 minutes of classic shit. | ||
| Just take the whole 45 minutes, let's put it online in one chunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, definitely. | |
| Like a documentary. | ||
| I want to see every minute of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's certain pieces that need to be cut to make them funnier. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, because we did a lot of cool. | ||
| Because he gets paid. | ||
| He's like a super villain. | ||
| It's like almost 70. And you just say, okay, say... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And his manager, who's his nephew, will say, he barely speaks English. | |
| His English ain't that great. | ||
| And Danny knows all these rock stars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he goes... | |
| And then his man goes, yeah, bring him down, set him up, and then take him home. | ||
| And it's like these code words. | ||
| It's on the video. | ||
| I forget where it is. | ||
| Slam him, take him home, and then glaze him at the end. | ||
| Or some weird lingo. | ||
| So then he goes, okay, Tommy Lee. | ||
| Fuck Tommy Lee. | ||
| Fuck that man That's some big boobs I fuck I am the Sheik All camel clutch And Tommy Lee So he was made He was just saying All these names So he wants to cut them off And like send these guys The messages Like here's our Sheik Talking loud shit And it's always, fuck you in the ass! | ||
| Would you look at me, Clutch? | ||
| Fuck your mother! | ||
| Disrespect. | ||
| You would be humble. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's like he's got his, that's how he makes his money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Give me some money. | |
| I'll say, who do you want me to say? | ||
| What is his personality like outside of that? | ||
| Like a nice guy? | ||
| So he's not like that all the time? | ||
| Man, you gotta see the clip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn, he's teasing us! | |
| I got it! | ||
| I got it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can see it? | |
| We'll put it online later. | ||
| That's hilarious, man. | ||
| That's one of those dudes that I would love to meet. | ||
| When I met Hulk Hogan, I was like, holy shit, I'm just here talking to Hulk Hogan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, like when I had to do that interview with him, and he's like, "Brother, you know, we're getting fired up at TNA, brother." And I'm like, "God damn, I'm talking to Hulk fucking Hogan." Dude, Iron Sheet was probably all-time number one villain ever. | |
| Think about it. | ||
| What was bigger than Iron Sheep? | ||
| He wasn't really a villain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was good. | |
| He was like half villain. | ||
| Iron Sheep was fucking evil, dude. | ||
| He was Iranian. | ||
| We're going nuclear war type shit. | ||
| That was deep. | ||
| There wasn't another crazier villain than him. | ||
| He's not a king. | ||
| He can barely walk. | ||
| All those guys got really badly hurt from wrestling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ventura very fucked uh Jason Ventura is hip replaced he talks shit on Jake's thing Jake the Snake Roberts he crushes him I want to get dirt from all the rest of his talking about Hulk Hogan Oh man, he's... | |
| He's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man. | |
| Those guys all have to get operated on. | ||
| They all have to get operated on. | ||
| That's a tough, tough life. | ||
| Such a tough life. | ||
| To do that every night. | ||
| What they're doing is nutty shit, man. | ||
| Flying out of turnbuckles. | ||
| He talks about Draco Vino. | ||
| How does he know Draco Vino? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He just does. | |
| What does Draco Vino know? | ||
| You'll see. | ||
| You'll see. | ||
| So Draco Vino is this guy who said things that weren't very nice about Eddie Bravo. | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| Did he brush your teeth in the morning? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| He started the interview. | ||
| They asked him. | ||
| Some guy is interviewing him. | ||
| He's this jujitsu legend. | ||
| and some guys interview him and says, the video starts on the Eddie Bravo section. | ||
| It's got like Draculino on the Gi, Draculino on world champions, Draculino on training. | ||
| And then they got the Eddie Bravo section. | ||
| This guy's the champion, Draculino. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I mean, I always heard about him. | ||
| I always knew about him. | ||
| I never knew what he looked like until I saw the video. | ||
| I would have never recognized him. | ||
| But he's supposed to be one of the very highly regarded. | ||
| Yeah, one of the best guys at Baja Gracie. | ||
| Older guy now, probably 40-something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the video starts off. | |
| What do you think of Eddie Bravo? | ||
| And then he goes, who, Johnny Bravo? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Johnny Bravo, oh, Johnny Bravo, like, he's just like, oh, yeah, you really thought he said Johnny Bravo, like, like, that's even funny, you know, and then immediately it starts off with just a bunch of backhanded compliments, like, like, oh, yeah, he's got some good positions, oh, and then immediately it starts off with just a bunch Oh yeah, but Nino already had a high guard. | ||
| He was basically saying that Nino had my style of guard first. | ||
| When me and Nino's style of guards are totally different. | ||
| They're nothing... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're very different. | |
| I mean, we both play... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, we do romoblatas and stuff, and I got the gooblatas from him. | |
| But the actual style of our guards is very different. | ||
| And obviously he doesn't know that. | ||
| He hasn't really paid attention good enough to know the difference. | ||
| Big fucking difference. | ||
| And then he says other stuff like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just a bunch of backhanded compliments. | |
| It wasn't very... | ||
| But I thought it was hilarious. | ||
| And so the Sheik knew about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| So the Sheik knew about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I don't know. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| He said a lot of good things about me. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| It's rotten little said cool shit about me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He likes me. | ||
| I really can't say anything bad about Draculino. | ||
| I mean, I don't even fucking know him. | ||
| Well, you know what, man? | ||
| I think there's a lot of people that don't know you and you have a polarizing effect because you're so controversial because just, I mean, the way you look, the way you act, you know, your behavior is very controversial. | ||
| You know, you think about like most jiu-jitsu people, jiu-jitsu instructors, they're not like these wild musician motherfuckers, you know, that come up with Jujitsu moves because they're high on weed. | ||
| That fucks up with their whole dynamic, their whole view of what Jujitsu is. | ||
| Because a lot of dudes don't know you, I think that's where the controversy comes in. | ||
| But if they got to know you, they'd realize... | ||
| That you're just a completely open-minded dude who's willing to accept techniques from anywhere and gives people credit all the time. | ||
| And you invent moves or you teach moves based on people's names, you know, like the doodah or different techniques that you've got, the Jean-Jacques suite, that you've got from each individual. | ||
| You give them all credit. | ||
| They just don't, they don't know. | ||
| They see you getting all this credit for this, you know, revolutionary type of guard, and so they just assume that it's all bullshit, that it's all overhyped. | ||
| When really it's not. | ||
| It's not overhyped. | ||
| You got some weird, wild shit. | ||
| You put it together in like a real system. | ||
| You know, and it's very legit. | ||
| And it's very unusual. | ||
| And you're willing to talk to anybody and have them fuck with it and come up with their own stuff. | ||
| I mean, look at all the different things that you've added from your students. | ||
| Look at all the moves from Edwin's stuff. | ||
| You know, how you start incorporating that in the class. | ||
| You know, all sorts of different shit. | ||
| The Japanese necktimes, you're always, you know, adding, whenever there's a new thing, you're always adding it and always giving the person credit who created it. | ||
| That's one thing, that's probably the one thing that the biggest misconception, the biggest... | ||
| Is that you take credit for things, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, is that I take moves and I change the names and then I pretend like I made them up and I put a whole new name on it. | ||
| Like there's a lot of people out there that think that and that's like kind of true or like not really sort of 50. It's totally the opposite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the opposite. | |
| I give everybody fucking crap. | ||
| Well, like the twister, you know, when you first started doing the twister and started wrestling with the guillotine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that was the big thing because I never called it the twister. | |
| It was the wrestler's guillotine to me, but the guillotine was already taken. | ||
| It was he when they called it the twister, right? | ||
| And Jean Jacques. | ||
| The guillotine was already taken in jiu-jitsu and submission grappling and all that shit. | ||
| So when I would call it the guillotine, the Brazilians just called it the twister and it stuck after a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So a lot of people think, like wrestlers go, yeah, I did that in high school, man! | |
| I'm like, yeah, you gotta know the story. | ||
| So real quick, it's easy to convince those guys if they ask about it. | ||
| They're like, what's up with this Twister thing? | ||
| You know, that's a guillotine in wrestling. | ||
| They go, yeah, yeah, he's got a bunch of moves like that, dude. | ||
| He just changed his names. | ||
| And then real quick, now I gotta dig myself out of a deep hole with a lot of people like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The total opposite misconception that I take wounds and steal them. | |
| It's not like I did it for a while and then I had to stop and slow down and change my ways. | ||
| From day one, my first book, I give everyone credit. | ||
| My first book, Marcelo, Silverado, Duda. | ||
| When people learn techniques from someone else and I know them personally and I know where they got the move from and then they start showing it to someone and they don't bring up the person that taught them. | ||
| That offends me. | ||
| I don't always remember to bring up names but I try to as much as I can. | ||
| Can you think of Jiu Jitsu moves as like a creative thing that you're adding to like one big gigantic piece of artwork? | ||
| The martial art itself, like when you invent a new technique, like you invent some new sweep or some new way to set up a gogoplata, and then you add it to the jiu-jitsu language. | ||
| Do you feel like that's what it is? | ||
| It's almost like you feel like it's a piece of art. | ||
| It's something that you're creating, and people don't give you credit for creating that, and then people are out there doing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's fine. | |
| He wants me to do it. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Anybody who's doing his shit, he supports. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Even like Aoki, you'd love that guy out there doing your shit. | |
| You're supporting him. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| I mean, I'm human. | ||
| I want, you know, if someone learns some shit directly from me or my books or anything, the right thing to do is give credit. | ||
| That's the right thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoever you learned a technique from, you got to give them credit. | |
| You got to. | ||
| If you don't, you're a douchebag. | ||
| It doesn't take away from what you did at all. | ||
| People think that somehow or another you teaching a guy a certain way to set up a rear naked and then he does it and then you give him credit. | ||
| It takes away from him. | ||
| No, it doesn't take away from him at all. | ||
| It's just the friendly thing to do. | ||
| Anytime I pull off a submission that someone else In class show? | ||
| I'll always go and go, dude, got it twice today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Yes. | ||
| I'll do the same thing. | ||
| I'll do the same thing. | ||
| I do the same thing, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's important, man. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| It fosters that friendly attitude, too. | ||
| All I'm trying to do, I mean, I guess it feels good. | ||
| It's like a piece of art. | ||
| I always feel good when a new transition comes up out of nowhere, or someone else, or one of my students teaches me, or we see it on the internet. | ||
| I get excited. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's cool. | |
| It's like another little piece. | ||
| The people who don't do it have no idea how complex it is. | ||
| They really have no idea how many levels and layers there are in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Like, I was talking to Nathan. | ||
| We were talking about how he trained with Marcelo, and I went down to New York and trained with him a couple of times, and he was just talking about how good Marcelo moves and how it's really amazing to see someone operate on that level. | ||
| And we just started thinking about it, like how humbling that is. | ||
| Like when you're around a guy like Marcelo or Jacare or something like that, I watched a video of Jacare online rolling through people, just rolling through one dude after another, just submitting a left, right, left, right, left, right. | ||
| When you see someone who's at that high level, you know, it's like, it's so humbling. | ||
| Because you realize how many goddamn layers there are to this. | ||
| And it really, it never ends. | ||
| It's more complex, and more, you know, the guys you're competing against are faster, and they're diving on shit with more precision, and their technique is more crisp, and more sharp, and more options. | ||
| Dude, there's 12 different ways that I can count there. | ||
| Maybe more. | ||
| 12 different ways to play off your back. | ||
| Very nuts. | ||
| That's what I can count. | ||
| 12 distinctly different styles. | ||
| Like, you know, there's a difference, you can tell, to the trained eye, someone could tell, he's playing deep half, he's playing X guard, he's playing, you know, lockdown half, he's playing 50-50 guard, he's playing butterfly guard, you know, he's playing rubber guard. | ||
| There's all, there's 12 of them that I can count, there might be more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
De La Riva guard, spiral guard, all that shit. | |
| There's so many. | ||
| It's so complex. | ||
| I mean, I've been doing jiu-jitsu 16 years, and I suck at most of those guards. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like, I'm not that good at... | ||
| My De La Riva guard doesn't exist. | ||
| That's a whole different style. | ||
| Spiral guard, inverted guard. | ||
| I never do any of that stuff. | ||
| I never play 50-50 guard. | ||
| I never do any of that shit. | ||
| I have like 4 or 5 guards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have like 4 or 5 guards and there's like 12. There's a lot of them that I don't do. | |
| There's so much, like all these world champions like Rafael Mendez and Cobrino and all these guys, their style is totally different than mine. | ||
| Totally, like if we taught four-hour seminars each, it would be two different worlds. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's so much to learn. | ||
| Which path are you going to take? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I've been doing, again, 16 years and I'm still putting new weapons into the game. | ||
| I make sure that there's always new projects that I'm working on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There never is. | |
| Always. | ||
| Always got to be a new project. | ||
| And those projects could take one, two, three years to get them where you need them to be. | ||
| The DARS is still my project from like... | ||
| You know, five years ago. | ||
| You know, I'm not as good as the top guys. | ||
| I'm pretty good, but I'm not as good as... | ||
| I still got some more levels to pop through. | ||
| But, you know, over the last year, year and a half, guillotines and north-south, I suck with those. | ||
| But they've been on my project. | ||
| That's when I go against the scrubs, when I go against the white belts, new guys. | ||
| I'm not gonna do anything that I'm good at with them. | ||
| I'm gonna only get shit that I suck at and try to train my body. | ||
| I would get into North-South and I'd go, this feels awkward. | ||
| I don't know how Danny does it. | ||
| But I would get in there and try to go as far as I can and I'd lose it. | ||
| I'd go, let's do something else. | ||
| Cool, I'll come back to it later and try it again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, they're not tapping. | |
| I'm not really squeezing right. | ||
| I'm trying to move my leg. | ||
| Okay, focus on the leg. | ||
| And after a while, And you have to remember that. | ||
| People forget that. | ||
| Because a lot of people, when they try something new, they go, well, it feels kind of awkward. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck that. | |
| I'm going to go back to my shit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's weird. | ||
| He's got some strange fucks. | ||
| You've got to remember that all moves feel awkward in the beginning. | ||
| And if you want this move, it doesn't matter. | ||
| You can master this move. | ||
| If you want it, you can be a cure with this move. | ||
| It's up to you how many reps you're willing to put in. | ||
| And in jiu-jitsu, The only sport where you can spar 100% every day, everyone just spars. | ||
| They put in as few reps as possible. | ||
| Most people have that mentality back. | ||
| Unless you force them, and that's what I do. | ||
| I force my guys because I know they're going to get lazy. | ||
| And if I say, okay, everyone do 15 of this and 20 of that and make sure you do that, and I write it on a board and let them do it, and I just kick back and chill. | ||
| They ain't not gonna do it! | ||
| You gotta have, people need, people, that's why they hire trainers. | ||
| They could do everything. | ||
| They know all the exercises. | ||
| They know they could do it. | ||
| They just need someone to force them. | ||
| If you have someone to force you, and you're paying them, then it's easier to go through that shit. | ||
| You never do. | ||
| And then you can roll it afterwards and actually get to try it, you know, when somebody doesn't know. | ||
| For me, I just look at everything. | ||
| Most things is like long-term projects. | ||
| Like, how many cycles Have you gone through with this technique? | ||
| And eventually by third or fourth cycle, once you hit it, bam, look, now he's doing a new role, look at him. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard to motivate yourself to push yourself. | ||
| It is definitely important to have someone pushing that. | ||
| Rolling is so much more fun than drills. | ||
| Actually, can you imagine getting on a video game and act? | ||
| Do you ever get on the practice? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You never like, just practice the little movements over and over like 50 times. | |
| Like, okay, this, do people do that? | ||
| - Yeah, maybe. | ||
| - Like they get in like a room where they can just practice moves and now they're getting really good with all the moves and they do all the techniques. | ||
| - Quake players do that. | ||
| - Oh, do that? | ||
| - It's like a workout. | ||
|
unidentified
|
- They do a workout? | |
| - Well, Quake is based on math. | ||
| It's based on map systems, so there's a bunch of different maps you play on, but one of the most important things about playing Quake when you're in a one-on-one duel is to understand the map. | ||
| You gotta know where the guns are hidden, you gotta know where the ammo's hidden, and you gotta control the map. | ||
| So what you gotta do is you gotta make sure you know every fucking minute area, and you can move around it, so they practice special jumps and rocket jumps. | ||
| They practice jumping into certain areas and like... | ||
| So they don't get to a straight jump and then crumble. | ||
| So they'll practice that shit. | ||
| They practice it so they have complete command of the map. | ||
| So they can move around the map anywhere they want. | ||
| And then they practice timing when the... | ||
| How is Quake now? | ||
| Is it their new version? | ||
| Because you were playing that shit 10 years ago. | ||
| Yeah, it was this new version. | ||
| The best version though is Quake 3 to me. | ||
| Quake 4 is pretty badass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the latest? | |
| I think Quake 4 is the last. | ||
| It's the latest. | ||
| It takes years to make them. | ||
| You know, every one they did. | ||
| They came out with a new Doom. | ||
| What every year when They get better and better. | ||
| I don't know anything about video games. | ||
| The graphics get better. | ||
| The graphics and the amount of area you can travel to. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Always bigger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what they do. | |
| You just get bigger and bigger. | ||
| You have some games that call them a massive... | ||
| We'll say MMORGs or something like that. | ||
| It's role player games. | ||
| Massive world. | ||
| It's like an artificial world role player game. | ||
| Where you can just travel for miles and meet new people and shit. | ||
| People live their whole lives inside those things. | ||
| And they're actually real people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The people that you meet in there, they're real people playing the game. | |
| Yeah, they're real people playing the game. | ||
| Yeah, they have rape laws. | ||
| People have lost their mind when it comes to these things. | ||
| I never even heard of that. | ||
| People have let their baby starve. | ||
| These two people in Korea let their baby starve while they were nourishing their online baby. | ||
| They had a fake baby online and they were taking care of that baby while their real baby starved to death. | ||
| They lost their marbles. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| People are living in artificial worlds 8-10 hours a day and addicted to it. | ||
| What's it called, this game? | ||
| There's a bunch. | ||
| World of Warcraft, there's EverQuest, there's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the other one? | |
| The Sims. | ||
| There's another one, something... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Athletic? | |
| No, no, that's the cool video game. | ||
| There's one... | ||
| How many people are them? | ||
| Second Life? | ||
| Maybe it's called Second Life or Second Life. | ||
| Dude, there's 13,210 people. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, look about. | |
| That's April 13th, 2010. People are dropping off my face as we're dropping the numbers. | ||
| They're like, what the fuck am I watching? | ||
| Watching three retards stoned out of their minds trying to talk to a camera. | ||
| 13,210. | ||
| How boring is all this shit? | ||
| Is it boring? | ||
| This is a 420 episode. | ||
| If they're all with us, they're all with us. | ||
| I passed out on pot yesterday. | ||
| Whoa, what happened? | ||
| I've been close like two or three times in the last month or two. | ||
| In a real light hit, it was like, oh my god. | ||
| And then I managed to jump to the bed. | ||
| I fainted. | ||
| I woke up on the floor, dumped on my head. | ||
| How much weed did you smoke, man? | ||
| Not that much. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Not that much. | ||
| And it happened to his girlfriend I had once. | ||
| And it was like, she had like one hit. | ||
| It wasn't anything major. | ||
| I saw someone do that. | ||
| We gave that to this chick who's working on Fear Factor. | ||
| She's one of the production people. | ||
| We're all in New York. | ||
| We're outside. | ||
| We're all out there filming there for the weekend. | ||
| Inside a bar. | ||
| Have a drink. | ||
| You guys might smoke a drink? | ||
| Yeah, come on. | ||
| It's about time. | ||
| I guess she's never smoked weed. | ||
| She decided she wanted to join in the fight. | ||
| She took one big hit of some train wreck, and her eyes rolled back in her head, and she just dropped. | ||
| I thought she was faking. | ||
| I thought she was pretending, like, wow, it's pot. | ||
| I'm Zola. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to pass out. | |
| I thought she was being silly. | ||
| We had to catch her as she was falling down to the ground. | ||
| The girlfriend was like that. | ||
| She was just smiling. | ||
| I was like, what's she doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't understand. | |
| She didn't even know she was going down. | ||
| Did you catch her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Did you make an effort? | ||
| An effort to catch it? | ||
| Well, I was holding popcorn. | ||
| So you did. | ||
| So you let the fucking chick drop so that you didn't have to drop your popcorn and soda. | ||
| I probably wasn't going to be able to catch her anyway. | ||
| Wow, you didn't see a chance. | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| I didn't understand what was really happening. | ||
| But it happened to me yesterday. | ||
| How long did you even date this chick? | ||
| A few months. | ||
| So how attached were you to her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right now, you're still dating her? | |
| No. | ||
| So we bummed out when she popped out? | ||
| When she fell? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't quite get it until she was fully down. | ||
| I was like, did she just faint? | ||
| Did you feel it all responsible? | ||
| Somewhat, yeah. | ||
| Well, I gave it a pod. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Went to see Zombieland. | ||
| Did you watch this season of Celebrity Rehab? | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't watch it? | |
| I watched one episode. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| That was too much for me. | ||
| You know that chick from One Day at a Time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Mackenzie Phillips, she's in bed rooming with this country, this ex-country chick singer who has epileptic seizures. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| And she went off. | ||
| Like in the middle of this conversation, she was just telling McKenzie, like, ah-ha. | ||
| And this is all on film. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She goes, no. | |
| She's freaking freezing. | ||
| And McKenzie goes like, yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| Are you playing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you playing? | |
| It's all on video. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They kept replaying that movie. | ||
| You know how they replay shit on reality shows? | ||
| After the commercial, they come back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They can be shown it again. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Have you guys seen Shreds? | ||
| Australia has a lot of procedures, man. | ||
| What's Shreds? | ||
| Shreds is a thing. | ||
| These guys are doing, they're taking music videos and redoing the music, like I just saw one from Journey. | ||
| They redo the music, lip-syncing totally as perfect as possible, but the worst voices, everything's attitude and everything's attitude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So you see this, it's like the worst rock band ever. | |
| They're really funny, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's Journey playing. | ||
| It's a Journey music video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it looks like they Yeah, it's on something. | |
| It's called Shreds. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| Let's watch it and we'll... | ||
| Any way you want it, journey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fun. | |
| They did one on Mac Danzig. | ||
| Oh, not Mac Danzig. | ||
| Danzig, the singer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's friends with this guy I know. | |
| And he said when he showed it to him, dude, he got really offended. | ||
| Really? | ||
| See, they're doing it to Journey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And Journey's like, you know, they're like amazing musicians and singers. | |
| Okay, I looked up Shreds, Journey. | ||
| Shreds what? | ||
| Shreds, Journey. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| E-A-D? Any way you want it. | ||
| E-A-D or E-D? I think it... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, it's with an E. It's with an E. No, that's right. | |
| Shred, Journey. | ||
| Is this it? | ||
| Junkies, Shreds? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| The top one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Can you make it to the audience? | ||
| Watch this too. | ||
| We're going to have to look up junkie shreds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm big. | |
| I'm big. | ||
| It's not junkie. | ||
| Jerk knee. | ||
| Jerk knee shreds. | ||
| Jerk knee shreds. | ||
| I should send it to the commercial. | ||
| Journey? | ||
| More like journey. | ||
| Oh, journey. | ||
| I was going to get pulled down. | ||
| How dumb am I? I didn't get it either. | ||
| Jerk knee. | ||
| Alright, here it goes. | ||
| Let's see what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the way you need it. | |
| Any way you want it. | ||
| She loves to laugh. | ||
| She loves to sing. | ||
| She loves everything. | ||
| She loves to move. | ||
| She loves the groove. | ||
| She loves all the things. | ||
| All night. | ||
| All night. | ||
| Oh, every night. | ||
| Whole time. | ||
| Whole time. | ||
| Baby, hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anyway you want it, that's the way you need it. | |
| Anyway you want it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She said, "Anyway you want it, that's the way you need it." Anyway you want it. | |
| Wow! | ||
| She's very well done. | ||
| I want to do that one. | ||
| I never knew how you'd love to do it. | ||
| Then we can't. | ||
| Then we can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| I'm gonna flip the. | ||
| I'll flip this up. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| CALL STYLE! CALL STYLE! | ||
| There's some monkey on, there's a monkey on! | ||
| That's a good one! | ||
| It's genius! | ||
| Oh, that's very funny. | ||
| That's good shit, man. | ||
| I just, uh, you guys can watch it. | ||
| I just sent it to Twitter. | ||
| The solo, dude, the solo is so bad. | ||
| It's just so cool that you can do that so easy. | ||
| I mean, it's so easy to do stuff like that now. | ||
| To edit video and put it online. | ||
| Like, it'd be, it'd actually be hard to do that. | ||
| You can actually listen to the song on earphones, record here, so you can sing it right along with them as they're doing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What you can do now, man, it's incredible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| A lot of people have already seen it. | ||
| They go look up Van Halen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was some funny shit. | |
| Yeah, it was funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll try to read some of these. | |
| We might be too high to be doing this. | ||
| Should be. | ||
| I'm starving. | ||
| Should be illegal. | ||
| Ari, bad bladder. | ||
| That was loud. | ||
| Yeah, sorry about that, man. | ||
| We probably didn't do that the best way. | ||
| Kids shreds. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I heard you were publishing a scientific paper in neuroscience. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| If that wasn't true, I would be Carl's Mencia-ing it. | ||
| Some dude wrote some shit in Arabic. | ||
| Arabic does look cool, doesn't it? | ||
| Look how cool that shit looks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Arabic? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's probably the coolest that I've been writing on the planet. | |
| Probably cooler than Chinese or Japanese. | ||
| Yeah, look at that shit. | ||
| It looks like something elegant to it, you know? | ||
| It's like cool to see it on your wall, you know? | ||
| It looks like art. | ||
| So, this chick wants to fuck you, dude. | ||
| This Slurpella, she's back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| She says, Explain the name Slurpella. | ||
| Where'd you get that from? | ||
| Who gave it to you? | ||
| Did you dub yourself back? | ||
| There's 1,600 people in here, man. | ||
| There's no way you're going to have to keep an eye on it to catch her response. | ||
| Can I get Dave Chappelle in here sometime? | ||
| I would love to hang out with Dave Chappelle, but I don't know him that well. | ||
| I only did a show a couple times, and one time it was just because I was walking down the street and I ran into him. | ||
| Another time is the Fear Factor one. | ||
| The one we ran into was hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember that? | |
| You were with me. | ||
| We were in New York. | ||
| We were just walking down the street, and I'm like, that looks like Dave Chappelle with a mustache on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, hey, Joe, you want to be in my show? | |
| It was like, okay. | ||
| And it was out of nowhere. | ||
| His show hadn't even aired yet. | ||
| Times Square, just walking down the street. | ||
| That was when the Dave Chappelle show, you know, nobody had any idea it was even coming out. | ||
| And then when it came out, like, right away, it was like the best show ever. | ||
| That was the Bigsby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| First sketch. | ||
| I'm sure he was like, no, no, no, let's leave it with that one. | ||
| Knocked it out of the park. | ||
| That was the best show ever. | ||
| Was that the first sketch ever? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I know that's the first sketch. | ||
| I know it's the first sketch on the top 25. Because I think when he said Maybe the audience knows the answer to this. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| This is like intelligence. | ||
| The audience here, we could find out anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How about that? | ||
| How about when we couldn't remember that dude's name earlier, Dennis Hopper? | ||
| Bam! | ||
| It just popped up. | ||
| Yeah, that's incredible. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there's 1,666. | ||
| 1,666. | ||
| We're evil! | ||
| We're officially evil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| Got a lot of viewers. | ||
| See, there's some dudes writing some other shit. | ||
| And then he wrote Shiny Happy Jihad. | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| Don't be mixing my shit up with that shit because I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| Did you hear about that chick in Nevada that got sent to life in prison because she talked to a 14-year-old boy. | ||
| She wanted to try to get him to have sex with her. | ||
| And she grabbed his hand and put it on her tit and tried to get her to fuck her. | ||
| And she did it like she got... | ||
| Life in prison. | ||
| Life in prison is a mandatory sentence? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| The kid's 14 years old and she's like 34 or some shit. | ||
| And she grabbed the kid's hand and put it on her tit. | ||
| And she said she was drunk and she doesn't remember any of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And this bitch is going to do life in jail. | |
| Yeah, that's possible. | ||
| She doesn't remember it. | ||
| She did it. | ||
| All she did was put his hand in it. | ||
| You know, obviously the bitch is crazy and she needs to do like a night in jail or maybe a week at the most. | ||
| You know, like just shock her. | ||
| You can think about what it would be like to spend one month in prison That would fucking destroy a lot of your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And people are like, oh, he needs to get at least 10 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, think about what a month in prison would be like. | |
| Yeah, that would be horrifying. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
| And for just getting a boy to touch your tit? | ||
| I mean, yeah, you shouldn't have done it, but come on. | ||
| You're supposed to, like, slap her on the wrist to tell her to get out of there. | ||
| That's a mandatory. | ||
| So she's not even eligible for parole for 10 years. | ||
| She has to go 10 years before she's even eligible for parole. | ||
| I'd like to know the details of that case. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's got to be some shit in there. | |
| Seems like her stuff is not quite out. | ||
| She might be. | ||
| She's done some of the ties before. | ||
| Man, look at you guys. | ||
| You're just fucking supportive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| I don't know, but it seems unbelievable. | ||
| I can't, it's hard to believe that people are that stupid. | ||
| Oh, I would give someone a lie for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's why it's an interesting story. | ||
| Remember when your friends in class got thrown out? | ||
| I'm like, what'd you do? | ||
| Like, nothing? | ||
| I just moved by chair and teach me crazy. | ||
| It's like, no, you didn't. | ||
| You were moving it over and over. | ||
| I told you to stop. | ||
| That's all well and good, but that was the charges. | ||
| With the charges, what she got convicted of is lewdness, minor, and some shit like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe she's been a good kid since she was eight. | |
| Probably wasn't the first time she did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's a crazy speed freak who just sucks dick on the little kids dicks and she just doesn't stop. | |
| Well, if she did it to this kid, she's probably done it to other ones. | ||
| It's not like she's been fucking a grown man. | ||
| She just said, let me just take... | ||
| You alright? | ||
| You done? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| It's not like, you know, like, all of a sudden out of nowhere she just says, let me just dive on this 14-year-old dick. | ||
| She's done it before. | ||
| She's just not particular about who she blows. | ||
| You know, that's all that is. | ||
| She's just a crazy bitch. | ||
| But she shouldn't have to go to jail for the rest of her fucking life, man. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| You know, they're trying to put kids in jail for sexting. | ||
| They're trying to make sexting illegal. | ||
| For kids? | ||
| Child porn. | ||
| They're saying it's child porn. | ||
| You're not nuts. | ||
| Of course, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
But are they kids doing it to each other and that's child porn? | |
| Yeah, and sending it to their boyfriends. | ||
| Wanna hear a crazy story? | ||
| A bunch of girls got suspended. | ||
| I think it was like nine girls got suspended from this one school because they had a bunch of pictures that they took and put on their MySpace page in between school, when they're not at school, like during their summer break. | ||
| So when they came back to school, they were suspended because of sexy pictures of their MySpace page. | ||
| They're like sucking fingers and sticking their ass out in their underwear and stuff. | ||
| And they're only like 14. You know, they're just doing normal whore shit. | ||
| And they got suspended. | ||
| So the girls are suing the school. | ||
| They're going to win. | ||
| I mean, if you can go on MySpace, you can't tell someone they can't do something during their off time because you don't like it. | ||
| Just because you're teaching them. | ||
| You know, when did these fucking retards that are touching our students... | ||
|
unidentified
|
People accessing it at school. | |
| What's that? | ||
| People accessing it at school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you could access it at school if you had access to MySpace at school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know what kind of internet access they have at school. | |
| Yeah, but either way, the kids should be able to put up, you know, if she wants to be a whore, she's going to be a whore. | ||
| You can't legislate against that. | ||
| And you certainly can't punish them for shit they're doing in that school. | ||
| It's also legal to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're acting like you're a fucking mom. | ||
| You're saying you don't want them in school because it's going to give other people a bad impression of your school? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Because she's in her underwear online? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| It's one of these dummies that are teaching our kids today. | ||
| And that's the problem. | ||
| There's a bunch of them who are fucking dummies. | ||
| When did they become the parents? | ||
| When did they become the moral arbitrators? | ||
| When did they become the people who dictate how people are supposed to behave? | ||
| You know, if you don't have a problem with your kid sticking her ass up in the air in MySpace and you're the teacher, you should be like, whatever. | ||
| I'm gonna teach you some science and you get through life and enjoy yourself. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Are the teachers supposed to step in and say you shouldn't be in your underwear when you're out of school? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| You just teach. | ||
| Just teach me. | ||
| You don't get to fucking shut my life down because you don't like me in my underwear. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| See, I know I said that. | ||
| I said that in first person. | ||
| I got with a 14-year-old girl. | ||
| That was a secret fantasy. | ||
| We didn't even notice that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How old are they? | |
| 14? | ||
| They're like 14. 14, 15 years old. | ||
| That's wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's wrong. | |
| Look, ma'am, you can't stop chicks from doing horror shit. | ||
| They arrested a 15-year-old girl for child pornography because she sent a dude in her class a picture of her cousin. | ||
| So they arrested her. | ||
| They eventually charged her with use of criminal tools. | ||
| And the criminal tool was a cell phone. | ||
| How nutty is that? | ||
| What was that, Alabama? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I know tiny little facts. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Yeah, Brian's fucked. | ||
| Hi, everyone. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I'm also inviting him. | ||
| Aw, that's so sweet. | ||
| Poor Brian. | ||
| Want to hear how dumb Brian is? | ||
| Brian bit into a spoon. | ||
| He was eating some yogurt and bit down. | ||
| First of all, son, you're not supposed to bite that goddamn heart on yogurt. | ||
| You know? | ||
| How hungry was he? | ||
| He bit down into his metal spoon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're supposed to slurp it, dude. | |
| Yeah, what are you doing biting it? | ||
| I don't eat yogurt. | ||
| Only plastic spoons from now on for you. | ||
| So he bit down on a spoon and broke his tooth. | ||
| That's why he's not here. | ||
| This guy said he's going to put me in a triangle choke. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Are you scared? | ||
| Scared of one to ten. | ||
| I don't want to be caught in triangles. | ||
| That's uncomfortable. | ||
| I'm scared for you. | ||
| I'm scared that you're scared. | ||
| You really got me scared. | ||
| I always said he was stoned eating yogurt. | ||
| He was eating yogurt thinking about yummy dicks. | ||
| He just got all excited and clamped down. | ||
| I think we talked about all the things I wanted to talk about. | ||
| I talked about the lady in Nevada. | ||
| We talked about Strikeforce and Mayhem. | ||
| Any other comments? | ||
| Oh, Mike Whitehead got busted for weed and sexual assault. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| That's not good for the movement, Mike. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn! | |
| Yeah, that sucks. | ||
| Was he drunk too? | ||
| I hope it's all bullshit. | ||
| Who's Jack Herrera? | ||
| Jack Herrera. | ||
| Didn't he die a year ago? | ||
| No, he had a massive heart attack a year ago. | ||
| John said he just died. | ||
| I thought he was dead the whole time. | ||
| I didn't know he was a person. | ||
| They thought he was dead. | ||
| There was a bunch of people sent, I think even Doug Benson sent out an RIP. A lot of people were saying he was dead. | ||
| And so there was a rumor going around. | ||
| But it wasn't that he was dead, but he was basically like barely alive. | ||
| He was basically not responsive. | ||
| Well, I don't know the medical details, but I know that he was in really, really bad shape from the time of that till now. | ||
| So who was it? | ||
| So he wasn't dead. | ||
| He was just really... | ||
| Powerful marijuana activist that started out his life as this Goldwater Republican type guy who was really anti-weed and then he got divorced and smoking pot with this woman that he had just met, this new woman, he took a chance when he was a single guy and hanging out with some chick and really kind of was blown away by it and then fell in love with the effects of marijuana and then started looking into the history and then he put out this really fucking amazing book It's called The Emperor Wears No Clothes. | ||
| And it's all about this marijuana. | ||
| The Lord in jail. | ||
| Putting him in jail. | ||
| The reason he went to jail is because before he wrote the book, he was already a marijuana activist for certain things. | ||
| There's so many ways you can fight for marijuana, but I forget exactly what he was fighting for in the very beginning. | ||
| He was protesting in front of a federal building. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Reagan showed up. | |
| Reagan told the people at the federal building they don't have it handled. | ||
| He had the cops come and arrest everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All they had to do was pay like some $20 ticket or something. | |
| He refused to pay it and he went to jail for A year and two? | ||
| Yeah, he went to jail for it. | ||
| He was hardcore. | ||
| It was good for him. | ||
| That's where he had the time to write the emperor's original clothes. | ||
| He voted in jail. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's a good book, too. | ||
| It's really very detailed. | ||
| If you want to know anything about the history of propaganda and of hemp being made illegal, everybody thinks the reason why marijuana is illegal is because it's bad for you. | ||
| I mean, if you ask like 100 people, 75 of them are going to tell you it's bad for you. | ||
| It's something. | ||
| It does brain damage, causes some problems. | ||
| But that's not why it's illegal. | ||
| It's illegal because when they figured out a way to process hemp fibers more effectively, they came up with this thing called a decorticator. | ||
| There's a machine that grinds up the hemp and makes the fibers easier to process. | ||
| William Randolph Hearst owned paper companies. | ||
| And he also owned newspapers, and these paper companies, you know, they make paper out of fucking wood, and this hemp paper was much better, it was far superior, and it was a competing product. | ||
| So he wanted to make it illegal. | ||
| So what he decided to do was print newspaper articles where they said that blacks and Mexicans were raping white women. | ||
| I knew it! | ||
| When is this? | ||
| And the reason why they said they were raping white women is because they were smoking this new drug called marijuana. | ||
| So when Congress made marijuana illegal, they didn't even know they were making the textile, the fabric, all the things that hemp can make. | ||
| They didn't really even know they were making that illegal too. | ||
| They had no idea. | ||
| It's really completely ridiculous. | ||
| The fact that it stuck from the 1930s all the way to here to 2010, even though we know it's ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, you can go right now, we can go down to the corner store and buy Jack Daniels and drink ourselves to death. | |
| Easy. | ||
| If we walked in there right now, we each bought a big-ass bottle, like a gallon jug of Jack Daniels, all three of us in line, no one would bat an eye. | ||
| That's lethal doses. | ||
| We just bought lethal doses of alcohol. | ||
| When we could just come here and the three of us would drink those, drink that Jack Daniels until our body literally shut the fuck down. | ||
| That sounds cool. | ||
| How crazy is it that people would even bat an eye that marijuana should or shouldn't be illegal? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, Of course it should be legal. | |
| If you can go and buy Jack Daniels, that's ridiculous. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| Man, I'm fucking hungry. | ||
| You want to end this thing? | ||
| It's 518. I think we did enough. | ||
| Talk about Silva. | ||
| I think we've already talked about Silva enough. | ||
| You know... | ||
| I think they're bored enough. | ||
| Anderson Silva's saying he's going to take all the UFC belts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| Maybe Anderson Silva's bored at 185 pounds. | ||
| Maybe that's the reason why his last performance wasn't up to par. | ||
| Who the fuck knows, man? | ||
| You don't know until you're inside that dude's head. | ||
| He's obviously brilliant in his fighting, and he's probably a very complicated dude. | ||
| But I think I would like to see him challenged. | ||
| That Chael Sonnen fight's going to be very interesting. | ||
| Chael Sonnen's going to talk a lot of shit, and he's going to attack him. | ||
| And Chael Sonnen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're doing it? | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| August. | ||
| I think it's gonna be in Salt Lake City. | ||
| Why'd everyone like Chael Sonnen all of a sudden? | ||
| Well, Chael Sonnen's a real good wrestler, man. | ||
| He beat the fucker. | ||
| Well, he beat Yushin Okami, which was really impressive. | ||
| Because Yushin at the time was thought to be like this real powerful grappler. | ||
| Chael Sonnen just manhandled him without grappling the shit out of him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then he beat Nate Marquardt. | |
| And that was like, whoa. | ||
| That really opened a lot of people's eyes. | ||
| And so now he gets this fight? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For a wrestler, he's really explosive with double leg takedowns, and you don't see that often. | |
| You see a lot of Greco guys flying for your leg. | ||
| He's like GSP with wrestling at 85. So you fought Damian Maia before that, and he got triangled. | ||
| He got taken down. | ||
| I think he hit him with a lateral drop or some sort of a throw. | ||
| It was really impressive. | ||
| And Damian mounted him. | ||
| And then snapped a triangle from the mountain and pulled him on top of him and tapped him in the triangle. | ||
| Really sweet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, the Damian Maia thing, look, you know, if that guy catches you, he catches you. | ||
| He's really good at that. | ||
| Chael Sonnen's been caught with stuff in the past. | ||
| That would be an interesting thing if Anderson could submit him off of his back. | ||
| That would be fantastic. | ||
| Because, you know, Chael Sonnen, at some point in time, if Anderson doesn't knock him out immediately, Chael Sonnen's going to have Anderson on his back. | ||
| Unless he catches him while he's coming in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which is always possible with Anderson. | |
| I have a feeling that this time Chael is going to take submission defense in the guard and pass in the guard a little more seriously. | ||
| I have a feeling. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think he's going to come out because he gets caught in the guard because he likes to pound in the guard. | ||
| When you pound in the guard, he can get caught. | ||
| Look at Karin Darabini. | ||
| He got caught. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He's awesome at jiu-jitsu, but Once Chael finally realizes that he needs to get really good at passing and mounting and taking the back, fuck! | ||
| Once he realizes that he needs to adapt the GSP strategy, once he looks at GSP at FeeFights and says, holy shit, I should be doing what GSP's doing. | ||
| Once he makes that decision, Chael will be unstoppable. | ||
| That dude's got serious cardio too. | ||
| The reason why he does great, but then he loses, he does great, then he loses, is because he is not taking guard passing and being safe in the guard. | ||
| And taking guard passing as the number one priority over ground and pound in the full guard. | ||
| You only should really pound in the full guard. | ||
| To open shit up. | ||
| Passing should be your number one focus. | ||
| Look at GSP. Passing is his number one focus. | ||
| That is the correct attitude. | ||
| Well, that's an important point. | ||
| What did you think about what Greg Jackson said about GSP? Greg Jackson said in the fight that he didn't want GSP to pass his guarding. | ||
| He took Dan Hardy down. | ||
| He said, just don't pass his guard this round. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was he was being I don't agree with it. | |
| I don't agree with it ever saying he couldn't pass his guard They wasn't passing it news like I guess we thought he was wasting energy Yeah, just wanted to be doing that beat him up from inside the guard You know the things you guys always say it's worth from the half guard I mean stories. | ||
| Yeah, it's guys up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just like you know, you can get swept away I don't agree with that strategy at all ever Ever. | |
| I would never agree with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| I can understand it in a way where I could see that after GSP passed his guard and mounted him, Dan Hardy would give his back, then he would post up, and then eventually would shake him up, and they would stand up again. | ||
| That every time, so Greg Jackson was looking at it, it was like, if he passed the guard, he's going to mount him, they could eventually stand up after he gets his back and try That's like the super conservative strategy, which I understand, but... | ||
| I think GSP was doing fine and I think he should always go for the finish and always go for the pass. | ||
| He almost had him twice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't want your fighter to get forward. | |
| Jon Donagher, they were working on it afterwards. | ||
| They were working on tightening what he was doing wrong, setting up his Kimura, telling him to hit it at a different angle. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't remember how he did it. | ||
| Did he have the leg over the face? | ||
| It looks pretty damn good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know why. | |
| Was he in side control or did he have to leg over the face? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| It was side control, but I don't remember from that gap. | ||
| The Kimura looked strong. | ||
| The arm bar looked strong for a couple seconds, man. | ||
| The arm bar was bent way back for a couple seconds. | ||
| Dan Hardy just gritted it out, rolled his face into the mat, turned himself over. | ||
| And Dan only had two scratches on us under his right eye, and he wasn't hurt, his arms were fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's amazing. | |
| I mean, it's amazing that he went five rounds of GSP and he barely had a couple nicks on him. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's how bad ass he is, man. | ||
| You know, Hardy's a tough dude. | ||
| He's such a smart guy, too. | ||
| He's so good at shit-talking. | ||
| So good at those interviews, man. | ||
| It's such a tricky thing because in one way that's kind of like anti what the martial arts is supposed to stand for, talking shit. | ||
| But when dudes do talk shit, they make it so much more interesting. | ||
| Yeah, I think they talk shit back in ancient times, like samurais against the Kung Fu dudes and all that shit. | ||
| I think they talk shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can see them talking shit. | |
| It's a tactic. | ||
| It fucks with people's heads. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you talk shit with people's heads. | |
| It's a terrible tactic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you going to make me sick of my dick? | |
| Is that it? | ||
| I'm gonna make you suck my dick. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It is a tactic, you know? | ||
| Fucking with dudes' heads, it is, like, a legitimate technique. | ||
| The problem is that everyone thinks they're doing so well, and it, like, rarely actually fills people off their games. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it tends to make them douchey sometimes, too. | ||
| It makes it douchey. | ||
| The two guys are just talking shit to each other, and, you know, sometimes, you know, but when guys are good at it... | ||
| Like Muhammad Ali, but it wasn't, like, personal shit. | ||
| Can you imagine a guy going out in an interview going, I'm gonna be honest with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I really don't think... | |
| I'm going to go out there and give it my all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's all I can do. | |
| What else do you want me to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would it be awesome if someone went out in the interview and said, here's the deal, man. | |
| I don't really have a lot of job options. | ||
| I need some money. | ||
| And it's not a lot of money, but fuck it. | ||
| I need to fight. | ||
| And, you know, it seems exciting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I saw it on TV a couple of times, and I thought, you know what? | |
| I'm going to be able to make some cash with that. | ||
| My favorite was Anderson, one of the times, when they go back and forth, they tell you what that guy said, and you say something, and they go back to the first guy and say, well, he said this. | ||
| It's like fucking drama school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But so, they said, you know, Anderson, that guy said he's going to, you know, get you down, mount you, you know, pound you to submission. | ||
| And his response was like, that's a great tactic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's a smart way. | ||
| That's a smart way of telling it. | ||
| Yeah, Anderson is pretty good when it comes to chit-talk and how casual and calm he gets, but apparently he gets very angry. | ||
| I mean, when you saw that Chell Sonnen fight, man, or the, rather, Damian Maia fight, he gets real angry. | ||
| You know, Damian Maia, whatever the fuck Damian Maia said really made him bananas in that second round. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck was said or what, but have you ever seen him like that before? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ever? | |
| What would happen if Damien Maia, when he butt scoops and Anderson Silva standing, what if Damien Maia started doing some fucking windmill breakdancing stuff coming after him, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| And then would stop. | ||
| What if he just started dancing? | ||
| That would be crazy if, like, right in the middle, he just started breakdancing. | ||
| You know that thing where they, it's like they go, they spin, That would be awesome. | ||
| George St-Pierre could do that. | ||
| George St-Pierre could breakdance. | ||
| Do you remember who used to do that a little bit in some of his earlier fights? | ||
| What if you got really good and you attacked someone like that? | ||
| Like you just fucking spun at him like that with a big propeller. | ||
| That's a lot of energy. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| That's a fucking breakdance. | ||
| That would be badass, man. | ||
| I bet the breakdancers would start making some noise. | ||
| It was the sickest fucking baseball card like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's pretty funny. | ||
| What if capoeira got together with breakdancing and created a new martial art? | ||
| They said, let's do something. | ||
| Break wet out. | ||
| Try to catch you when it's spinning like a top. | ||
| Try to get in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a tsunami of ankles and knuckles. | |
| Things are spinning around. | ||
| You can't just dive in there. | ||
| You're going to get fucking bumped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You could do some capoeira shit and go right to the head spin. | |
| When you spin on your head, right to capoeira. | ||
| And then slide your legs out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It would be a great way to pass the guard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think we're done. | |
| Are you guys bored yet? | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, talk about Aoki. | ||
| Yeah, let's talk about that real quick because you're here. | ||
| What did you think about the Shinya Aoki Gilbert Melendez fight? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very interesting fight. | |
| You know, Gilbert Melendez is awesome in the guard, and he did a great job at staying away from any danger in it. | ||
| I think maybe once or twice, Aoki had him in mission control and smashed him against the cage. | ||
| Melendez is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, he's very good. | ||
| Gilbert has awesome timing. | ||
| His stand-up was wicked. | ||
| He stayed on top of him. | ||
| You know, I mean, the only way that strategy was going to work for him, you know, avoiding the guard was if he could beat him in the stand-up exchanges. | ||
| You know, and he definitely did. | ||
| He beat him in all the stand-up exchanges. | ||
| He took him that hard. | ||
| He looked involved. | ||
| He beat his ass, you know. | ||
| That really could have been that. | ||
| Aoki had that wrist once in the first round that was good. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, he got the arm trapped a couple times, but he just pulled right the fuck out of it. | ||
| And it was never in any danger at all. | ||
| So that was a big fight for him. | ||
| Aoki's just not as good with the fucking with regular shorts. | ||
| So is Jay Shields contract done strike force? | ||
| Supposedly, yeah, which is amazing. | ||
| If they really let him fight without a contract saying that if he wins that he's still on contract. | ||
| Yeah I don't know how that stuff works. | ||
| I didn't know you could do that. | ||
| I guess you can. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you're not willing to sign a new contract, I guess they just have to deal with what they've got. | |
| I think Jake Shields was upset because he felt like they were not respecting him. | ||
| They didn't promote him enough. | ||
| Most of the promotion that they had was mentioning Dan Henderson and not him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because he was at his last fight. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And they wanted it to be a big deal. | ||
| I mean, Dan's a legend, two-time pride champion, you know, in two different weight classes. | ||
| So that was a big deal for them, a big acquisition. | ||
| They thought he was going to be their big star. | ||
| So they were hoping that Jake Shields would lose, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, give him the Yeah, I mean, this first fight. | ||
| First fight in the organization is a title fight, you know, on CBS. And, uh, crazy-ass fucking fight, too, man. | ||
| Who would have ever thought that Jake Shields would be able to take Dan Henderson down that many times? | ||
| It's our pizza watcher. | ||
| I gotta go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| Then that's it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| This was the first annual 420 podcast. | ||
| I think we got some good shit we talked about in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pretty good, pretty good. | |
| I don't think we lost the training conversation too much. | ||
| We got on the testing potato chips. | ||
| Next year. | ||
| Make it happen. |
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