April 7, 2010 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:59:42
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Start the recording. | ||
| Start the broadcast. | ||
| What the fuck, ladies and gentlemen? | ||
| See, it doesn't show that it started, but I know it has. | ||
| Right there at the start. | ||
| I know, but you gotta refresh it and shit. | ||
| It usually takes a couple seconds that will do it. | ||
| That's bullshit, son! | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Every time we do this. | ||
| I could have sworn I muted it this time. | ||
| You know when you do it by yourself, you don't do it. | ||
| You catch yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Maybe I'm a little bit distracted. | ||
| You do not know. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Don't make me make fun of you. | ||
| You stop. | ||
| Alright, I'm gonna change it. | ||
| This motherfucker and his goddamn iPad. | ||
| I fucking love it, man. | ||
| Listen, ladies and gentlemen, it's a little gay, but if it's good enough for the Romans, it's good enough for the Greeks, look at you. | ||
| I got an iPad. | ||
| Even though I said I wasn't going to get one, I got one. | ||
| How long did it take for you to get one? | ||
| Walked by. | ||
| I said, you guys got any of them bitches? | ||
| You guys said yes, and I said, okay, let's go. | ||
| First day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's kind of interesting. | ||
| What I am interested in is what's going to happen with these things. | ||
| Eventually these things are going to be able to control your house and shit. | ||
| You can already do that. | ||
| If the dragon, naturally speaking, is any good on this, do you know if it is? | ||
| It's alright. | ||
| It's good if you have a headphone microphone thing plugged into it. | ||
| I tried to do it in a loud room and it kind of sucked. | ||
| Well, I've got to write a book now and I just signed a deal. | ||
| So it's fucking official. | ||
| I'm in the middle of writing this thing. | ||
| And I'm thinking, God damn, it takes a long time to write shit. | ||
| It might be easier to just talk it out. | ||
| But I don't think this stuff is any good now. | ||
| People told me that voice recognition software is really good on PCs. | ||
| But not quite there on the Mac yet. | ||
| Have you heard anything? | ||
| I haven't heard that because one of the best ones on the PC is Dragon, naturally speaking. | ||
| So it's the same technology. | ||
| It's the same. | ||
| Everything's the same. | ||
| So there shouldn't be a difference. | ||
| But it's not the same version because it's a Unix-based for the Mac operating system. | ||
| It's totally different. | ||
| It's like a different version. | ||
| It's the same programming language. | ||
| It's like an Xbox and a PS3. The programming is the same. | ||
| It's just two different ways to pick up. | ||
| Is that true, ladies and gentlemen? | ||
| Do any of you wizards out there know whether or not he's speaking the truth? | ||
| Because I believe Brian. | ||
| But I also believe that Brian did not know the answer. | ||
|
unidentified
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Well, it's just... | |
| I barely use Dragon, so I could be wrong. | ||
| I'm not a huge Dragon nerd, but to me it makes sense that if a company makes that kind of software, it would be the same on PC and Mac. | ||
| It might have to get there a different way, but the actual brains of the software would be the same. | ||
| The same program. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's something about actually writing things, too, that's better than speaking it and writing it. | ||
| Because when I write something, if I write a blog, I don't type that fast. | ||
| So if I'm writing something, each word that I'm thinking about, I'm really dwelling on it and the other words that come after it. | ||
| That's why one of the things people are always really impressed about is the ability to speak without stammering and to have something to say. | ||
| I mean, that's the reason why Obama got elected, really, is not just because he's black, but because he's black and he's this really good speaker. | ||
| He's really good at talking. | ||
| And there is an art form to that. | ||
| It's a management of your The ability to recognize what you're going to say next and the inflection you're going to use and preparation and all that shit. | ||
| There's an art to it. | ||
| But, you know, it's more interesting usually when I read things that people wrote and they actually wrote it. | ||
| They sat down and they really thought about how this is going to be absorbed. | ||
| You know, there's a craft. | ||
| There's a craft to both, but there's a real craft to writing. | ||
| You know, actual writing itself. | ||
| I really appreciate when I read good writers. | ||
| Don't you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I don't read that much, but the few books that I choose, I pick out certain things I want to read. | ||
| Because I read all day on the internet, so when it comes to a book, I'm like, alright, I've read so much today, I don't need to read anymore, you know, type thing. | ||
| So I've actually been reading less books ever since the internet's kind of grabbed me, I've noticed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The last good book I read was a book called Early Bird. | ||
| Highly recommend it, though. | ||
| It was about a guy that used to write for, I think, Letterman. | ||
| And he retired. | ||
| This is a real guy. | ||
| And he retired and he went to Florida and lived in a retirement home. | ||
| And he just documented his life inside a retirement home, being retired at the age of 35. It was one of the funniest books, and it's weird how the retirement village is like high school. | ||
| You know, there's like the popular old people, and they have like their cliques and stuff like that, and it's so weird. | ||
| You kind of go back to that old school thing. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Early bird. | ||
| Yeah, people are like that, man. | ||
| They're like that no matter what. | ||
| They're like that if they're 80. They're like that if they're 180. They're, you know, we're monkeys, man. | ||
| We have a whole bunch of instincts that we follow that really are directly attributable to our time in the jungle, you know? | ||
| I mean, that's what I've said about human beings, that there's something fucked up about us where we need... | ||
| You're distracting the shit out of me with that thing, son. | ||
| Let's not be fucking browsing online the entire time we're talking. | ||
| I was actually seeing if we could get our live show on the iPad. | ||
| I was doing it live. | ||
| I'm watching you fucking move things around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't look at me. | |
| I'm just sitting behind you. | ||
| No, don't sit behind me because then I can't talk to you. | ||
| I gotta turn like this. | ||
| My neck hurts from jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Hey, you fucking got me forgetting what we were talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
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Uh... | |
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Fucking stoners. | ||
| We were talking about talking and writing. | ||
| The last guy who got me into writing, or reading and writing really, but I read The Great Shark Hunt, the Hunter S. Thompson book. | ||
| It's kind of a compilation book of all of his stories. | ||
| Fuck, that dude could write. | ||
| That dude had some really interesting writing that got you excited to read more about it. | ||
| It's kind of like this weird blend of fiction and nonfiction. | ||
| That's one of the things that was so cool about Hunter's writing. | ||
| This guy was just crazy. | ||
| He was just making all kinds of crazy shit up about Las Vegas and campaigns and dudes being on drugs. | ||
| When Ed Muskie was running for president, Hunter Thompson just started printing in Rolling Stone magazine every week that it was widely known that this guy had an Ibogaine addiction and that he was bringing in Brazilian doctors. | ||
| Nobody ever done that before. | ||
| Nobody ever done real serious coverage of a political event and just started adding nutty shit to it that totally wasn't real. | ||
| So, literally, this guy changed the fucking course of the election, because that guy was one of the favorites. | ||
| And because Hunter's writing about him having an Ibogaine addiction, which is this crazy exotic drug from Africa, Hunter wrote this whole thing about it, and this guy literally fell apart on the campaign trail. | ||
| People were heckling him. | ||
| And he was doing these campaign speeches and just crumpled just because of some crazy shit that this guy wrote. | ||
| And when they asked him about it, and he goes, well, you made up that stuff about Ed Muskie having an Ibogaine. | ||
| He goes, well, I didn't make it up. | ||
| I didn't print it. | ||
| I said it was a rumor. | ||
| And he goes, and it was a rumor, and I started it in Milwaukee. | ||
|
unidentified
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No way, really? | |
| He was just crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's funny. | |
| But he got away with it, and he was just constantly on acid. | ||
| He was constantly doing mescaline. | ||
| He was constantly doing cocaine. | ||
| I mean, he was constantly getting fucked up in writing. | ||
| Like, super uber fucked up. | ||
| Is there a book or a movie that you would recommend about all this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I didn't even get into him until I watched the documentary Gonzo. | ||
| Gonzo. | ||
| You know, I liked the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and I'd seen him on talk shows before, and I always knew that he was this kind of crazy guy. | ||
| There was this, you know, older dude who was really nutty, liked to shoot guns, and, you know, looked like, you know, your friend's dad, but he was fucking completely psychotic. | ||
| You know, it was just this guy left over from the 60s that somehow or another morphed into this, like, super violent fucking drug-addled Compound Junkie, that's what he used to call himself, you know? | ||
| I just added it to my Netflix queue on my iPad, Joe. | ||
| Good job. | ||
| See that? | ||
| It's a very good documentary. | ||
| But it's really well made too, so it really gets you into how fucking interesting this guy was. | ||
| And it brings me back to the same thing that I always think of, man. | ||
| When you're really that good, he's so good. | ||
| I always wonder how fucking crazy you have to be to be really good, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like in almost everything, like in Michael Jackson, in fucking sports, anybody like Tiger Woods, you know, look how crazy he is. | ||
| I almost think that you have to be a certain, there has to be a certain amount of imbalance to you to be really the best at anything, to be excellent. | ||
| Yeah, well that's why you're considered the best usually, because you're not in the same road as everybody else. | ||
| You're on the side street, you know, you're a little different than everyone else. | ||
| So most successful people are not just like a common person. | ||
| Not just that, but what I'm saying is that the commitment that's involved in order to get to the highest levels of anything, you almost have to be completely nuts in order to hit those RPMs. | ||
| It's like with so many things, especially when it comes to the working world. | ||
| When it comes to the artistic world, I could see an argument for there's no... | ||
| There's never too much. | ||
| There's never too much art that you can produce because you're just producing positive energy. | ||
| You know, but people that, like, get addicted to, like, success in the business world and try to be, like, the number one guy in the business world, I mean, that's one of the main reasons why we have all these problems today with corporations, how corporations are sort of these consciousness... | ||
| I mean, now corporations basically are allowed to, they're judged as an individual. | ||
| You know, corporations are a thing. | ||
| Like, they have rights and shit. | ||
| Like, they can contribute to campaigns now as much as they want. | ||
| They can do all kinds of crazy shit, you know, as a corporation and get away with it because they don't think of it as them as an individual doing it. | ||
| They think of it as, well, you know, it's all business and we're part of business. | ||
| Like they can do fucked up things in overseas countries, you know, third world countries, and they don't even think that they're doing anything bad because what they're doing is they're just doing business and there's just a bunch of people involved doing it. | ||
| So no one person feels like total responsibility for what's happening. | ||
| You know, and that's like a real problem that we have. | ||
| And I think one of the real problems that we have Is related to people just being super competitive. | ||
| You know, that's the only reason why these fucking super crazy billionaire dudes would keep pushing forward. | ||
| You know, at a certain point in time, how much fucking money do you have to have? | ||
| You know, when you're one of those dudes that has like 30, 40 billion dollars and you're still trying to rape third world countries, like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| Like, how much money do you need, bitch? | ||
| You know, that's a lot of goddamn money. | ||
| You know, what is that? | ||
| Why would they not be able to recognize that there's something wrong there? | ||
| Well, they're crazy. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| To get at the highest levels of anything, whether it's golf or whether it's fucking, you know, whatever the fuck it is, to get at the highest levels of anything, you gotta be a little nutty, man. | ||
| Whether it's sports, whether it's singing, you know, whether it's performing, writing. | ||
| I think to really achieve those crazy great highs, you almost have to lose your connection to everybody else or lose control of your connection. | ||
| It's weird because that's our high watermark. | ||
| We're always aspiring towards higher and higher levels of performance in everything we do. | ||
| Whether it's athletic or anything you do, you're always trying to do better than you did before. | ||
| That's like a human ethic that we have. | ||
| It's very strange, man, because there's never a point in time where we ever step back and go, you know, hey, this is good. | ||
| We're good right here. | ||
| Let's just concentrate all our time right now instead of making more money. | ||
| Let's try to concentrate all our time and try to make things better for each other. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Let's try to concentrate our time and dealing with all these problems that exist all over the world. | ||
| Instead of trying to, you know, fucking smash atoms and create black holes, let's settle down. | ||
| You know, and let's concentrate on some other shit. | ||
| Look at the surplus of money that we have. | ||
| but they don't ever think like that all they think of is more more more more more more more like they're going to live forever And those motherfuckers drop a heart attack left and right. | ||
| Those, like, CEOs of big corporation type dudes, those motherfuckers die like crazy. | ||
| They die all the time. | ||
| Those guys are... | ||
| Like Dick Cheney, he's had 150 fucking heart attacks. | ||
| And one of the reasons is because he's just such an evil cunt. | ||
| If you're that fucking evil, you're going to have some goddamn heart attacks. | ||
| You're doing some wicked shit. | ||
| You're creating so much bad energy. | ||
| And you're pushing constantly, constantly, constantly. | ||
| What kind of balls do you have to have to be the fucking CEO of a corporation like Halliburton And then go from that to being the Vice President of the United States. | ||
| And then go from that to signing billion dollar agreements with Halliburton where billions, literally billions of dollars were lost. | ||
| Like they don't know where it went. | ||
| Billions in corruption. | ||
| They have no idea where like all kinds of money went. | ||
| And the fact that that motherfucker profited on it. | ||
| He had shares in Halliburton while he was the fucking president. | ||
| I mean, he got money from them while he was the president. | ||
| Or vice president. | ||
| I mean, he really was the president. | ||
| Really, he was the fucking marionette, supposedly. | ||
| Remember the days where he was always in the bunker? | ||
| Remember they would always talk about Dick Cheney being in the bunker? | ||
| Where is this bunker? | ||
| Is this some Batman type shit? | ||
| What does he have? | ||
| What is the Dick Cheney bunker? | ||
| It's probably like a golf club. | ||
| It's another nickname for a golf club. | ||
| He's at the bunker. | ||
| He's at the whorehouse. | ||
|
unidentified
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With dudes. | |
| Banging dudes. | ||
| That was the big secret of the whole Bush White House. | ||
| There was a lot of gay shit going on. | ||
| A lot of gay shit. | ||
| That guy Jeff Gannon, who's a reporter for the White House, he was a White House embedded reporter, and he would lob these super softball questions at President Bush. | ||
| Like, Mr. Bush, President Bush, when, or Mr. President, when are the Democrats just going to come to reality? | ||
| When are they going to come to their senses? | ||
| Do you think that's ever going to happen? | ||
| He would say shit like that. | ||
| And other reporters were like, who is this motherfucker? | ||
| And so the other reporters started investigating this dude. | ||
| And they found out that he had a fucking gay porn website. | ||
| With him him with like you know like a fucking bare chest in like a towel over his cock and shit like Super gay with dog tags on and it was gay porn geared towards guys with military fetishes. | ||
| No No way. | ||
| Yes way. | ||
| Have you heard about the tickle guy? | ||
| Have you heard about that guy in the news recently? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They had tickle parties. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| He worked for the government somehow. | ||
| Dude, does anyone know what I'm talking about? | ||
| The tickle guy. | ||
| They had ticklers that would come over and they would all have tickle parties. | ||
| Well, how about that fucking woman who was the madam? | ||
| How about that woman who was the madam for that big fucking brothel in Washington, D.C.? And this chick claims she's got the fucking ins on everybody in Washington. | ||
| All these senators that used her service. | ||
| All these different people. | ||
| And then she commits suicide. | ||
| And she even said, she did her interview, she's like, if I commit suicide, they did this to me. | ||
| I am not going to kill myself. | ||
| I'm happy. | ||
| I want to live. | ||
| Fucking gone in the whole case. | ||
| Gone. | ||
| Dust in the wind. | ||
| Dust in the wind. | ||
| What is about Jesse James? | ||
| Did you see his girlfriend? | ||
| Oh my goodness! | ||
| And that's what happens, man. | ||
| People get fucking wacky about Jesse James or Tiger Woods or whatever the fuck it is this week in the news. | ||
| And while all that's going on, Crime. | ||
| Just left and right. | ||
| They're just stealing. | ||
| Stealing money and fucking bitches and killing bitches to tell they're gonna fuck bitches. | ||
| It's the congressman Eric Massa that had the tickle parties. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| Democrat senator. | ||
| Democrat Senator was on The Daily Show. | ||
| He was on The Daily Show talking about it? | ||
| No, I think they had it on The Daily Show. | ||
| That's where they talked about it. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's interesting. | |
| Oh, Tickle Story, New York Times. | ||
| Yeah, there we go. | ||
| Somebody Twittered it. | ||
| Look on the tweets. | ||
| Is that the tweets or the chat thing? | ||
| This is on Twitter right now. | ||
| People responding to you on Twitter. | ||
| So if you go to Joe's website, joeroden.net, and click on webcams, you can see the chat we're talking about. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Or you can go to my Ustream page. | ||
| You can see the whole chat on the Ustream page. | ||
| What the hell is Joe going on about? | ||
| Bitch, you can't just tune in halfway in the middle. | ||
| We're talking about shit the way the human mind works, man. | ||
| That there's an error in the way the human mind works. | ||
| And that's the reason why people are doing all this crazy shit like trying to conquer the world and billionaires are fucking... | ||
| Torturing these third world countries and crushing their resources and doing it all for money. | ||
| The reason why is there's an error in the human mind. | ||
| And there's an error that causes us to never have perspective. | ||
| We're always moving in a direction, but we don't have a perspective. | ||
| Nobody ever stops and very, very few people stop and realize at a certain point in time. | ||
| I would rather live an easygoing, really peaceful life and make less money and have less bullshit and less drama in my life and just be happy all the time than be this. | ||
| Super ambitious, gotta go get it, typical American. | ||
| And that's a problem, man. | ||
| That fucking typical American attitude is bullshit because we're going to die. | ||
| We're fucking dying, all of us. | ||
| This is totally temporary. | ||
| So the right thing to do is to try to balance it all out and have the most amount of fun possible and the most amount of positive time, the most amount of positive energy during the time that you have. | ||
| But then there's the keeping up with the Joneses thing, this trick that gets us thinking that somehow or another bigger houses or bigger cars or bigger bullshit is going to make you happy. | ||
| Some of the most miserable fucks that I've ever met in my life were rich and famous, okay? | ||
| Some of the most miserable fucking human beings I've ever met. | ||
| Rich and famous and living in a torturous existence. | ||
| We were talking about our friend on the way over here who's got the female problem. | ||
| This guy is a very successful guy. | ||
| He's been on television. | ||
| He's a guy that people enjoy. | ||
| They go to see him. | ||
| His life is turmoil. | ||
| It's fucking chaos. | ||
| It's a few steps before murder-suicide, right? | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| It's knocking on murder-suicide's door. | ||
| You know, if you got that phone call in the middle of the night, you wouldn't be that surprised. | ||
| You'd be like, God damn it. | ||
| Damn, should have done something else. | ||
| Yeah, but this is nothing you can do. | ||
| That's the cold hard fact. | ||
| There's nothing you can do. | ||
| At the end of the day, these motherfuckers have to go home. | ||
| It's like, you have to figure out what is it that we're really doing here. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| And because there's so fucking many of us, I think human beings have lost this sense of community. | ||
| I think human beings are programmed to be in tribes. | ||
| We're programmed to be in tribes of like 50 to 200 people. | ||
| Or maybe more. | ||
| But enough so that you know everybody. | ||
| And you know, when we live alone, we're fucking miserable. | ||
| Like, that's why we don't trust hermits. | ||
| We don't trust people that go off into the woods by themselves. | ||
| Look at this sketchy motherfucker. | ||
| He wants to be by himself. | ||
| You know, we don't trust that shit because that's not how you're supposed to be. | ||
| We're not programmed for that. | ||
| We're programmed to be in small groups of people so that we work together and we protect each other and we support each other. | ||
| But we're living in a group that's way too big. | ||
| We're tricked into believing that we're a part of some 300 million strong group. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's why, like, wars work. | ||
| You know, the reason why wars work is because we feel like, well, yeah, we gotta defend ourselves, and we all know we have this sort of sense of loyalty to defend ourselves, but at a certain point, it's like, against what? | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| We are 300 million fucking people, and we're defending ourselves against, what, 300 million other people from somewhere else that we don't even know? | ||
| What is going on? | ||
| Are they really after us? | ||
| Like, what's happening? | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm getting this from you and I'm connected to you somehow? | ||
| Who the fuck are you and why are these people mad at you? | ||
| Why are these fucking people in this other country mad at you? | ||
| Why do they want to come over here and kill me because some shit you did? | ||
| What the fuck are we doing? | ||
| Until you know what we're doing overseas, you can't support it. | ||
| You can't be involved. | ||
| You know, there's a video that was released that you haven't seen yet. | ||
| It was on WikiLeaks where it shows this Apache helicopter shooting these Hellfire missiles into these people. | ||
| And they weren't soldiers. | ||
| They were mistaken as soldiers and I don't know... | ||
| The US did it? | ||
| I watched it. | ||
| The US did it, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In 2007, covered it up and then WikiLeaks got a hold of it. | ||
| Someone in the armed forces apparently was a whistleblower and just thought that this was a horrible situation and it needed to be corrected. | ||
| And these guys were like, you know, look, I mean, if they thought they were insurgents, I could see how they developed this antagonistic attitude towards the enemy. | ||
| Because this guy's wounded, they shot him up, and this one guy survived. | ||
| He's like, just pick up a weapon, just pick up a weapon. | ||
| Like, he's asking him to just pick up a weapon so he can ice him. | ||
| And he's got these 30... | ||
| And look, they're the bad guy, and this guy is out there, and he's in the shit, and he's trying to survive. | ||
| I mean, that's the attitude you have to have. | ||
| If you don't have that attitude, and you're in war, you're gonna get killed. | ||
| But what it shows you is, like, what the fuck are we doing there? | ||
| What are we doing that our American friends, our people who live over here in this country, are subject to becoming that guy? | ||
| Are subject to being put in a situation where they are shooting at civilians accidentally and thinking they're insurgents? | ||
| They have to live with these fucking memories because someone told us that we're supposed to be over there for some fucking strange reason? | ||
| Some fake weapons of mass destruction and now some fucking democracy building project. | ||
| You're surprised though an 18 year old made a bad decision. | ||
| I don't think it was an 18 year old. | ||
| These are pilots bro. | ||
| I know but half those people are so young that it's retarded. | ||
| I mean I didn't get smart and I mean smart with like a Z until like 25, 27. I would probably say I started actually doing, making better decisions not fucking doing crazy shit. | ||
| No, listen. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| I was retarded when I was 18. And if I was 18 and I was in war, I would be doing the exact same shit. | ||
| I was hyper aggressive, extra violent, and ready to do stupid shit. | ||
| When you're an 18-year-old man and you're around a bunch of people who tell you you're supposed to be doing stupid shit, you're supposed to be violent, you're supposed to be attacking, you're supposed to be a killer. | ||
| I mean, man, you could program the shit out of us, man. | ||
| If you're a fucking angry 18-year-old kid, you know, who has a need to belong to something, and this need to belong takes you to another country, and all of a sudden you're, you know, you're in Afghanistan, you're fighting for America, you feel like, you know, you're representing some real shit, and then someone's fucking telling you, you know, this guy's telling you, you're a goddamn killer. | ||
| You know, you know, I'm fucking proud of you, boys. | ||
| You go out there and go get it, you know? | ||
| Like, total full metal jacket style. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Look, man, any of us can get sucked into that. | ||
| I could've got sucked into it. | ||
| You could've got sucked into it. | ||
| We all could've. | ||
| But the idea that they're over there protecting us, like, man, we have to sit down and fucking talk this through. | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| You know? | ||
| They're protecting us? | ||
| Like, they're protecting our freedoms? | ||
| Look, if they really were protecting our freedoms, what a noble thing. | ||
| If there really was some evil empire out there like the Nazis that were trying to fucking take out Americans and there was millions of them and they were storming the beaches and taking over countries, that's not what's happening. | ||
| There's a bunch of fucking dudes living in caves and we don't even have to fucking go in. | ||
| What we're doing now that's most successful is these fucking drones. | ||
| Aircrafts that they're shooting around total straight video game type shit, shooting hellfire missiles into mountains and killing people. | ||
| I mean, that's probably the best way to hunt these fucking dudes anyway if there really are terrorists out there. | ||
| Like, the whole thing is nuts. | ||
| You hear people like Michael Moore saying that there's only 100 Taliban or 1,000 Taliban, I forget what he said, living in Afghanistan. | ||
| It was 100 or 1,000. | ||
| Either one of them is nuts. | ||
| The fact that we got 30,000 troops over there, it's like, what are we? | ||
| We just sent 30,000 more. | ||
| Like, what the fuck are we doing? | ||
| It's all so scary that we're putting our trust into people that are known liars. | ||
| You know, the idea of protecting America, the idea of, you know, being a proud citizen and standing up for your country, that's all noble. | ||
| The real problem is, who is giving the goddamn fucking orders? | ||
| People that totally cannot be trusted. | ||
| Across the board, full of shit. | ||
| At every goddamn turn. | ||
| Whether it's the Gulf of Tonkin, whether it's the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, whatever the fuck it may be. | ||
| You know, and it's not just Republican, it's Democrat. | ||
| It's this fucking crazy healthcare thing, and this fucking crazy thing that's going on with the bank bailouts, where all this money is just flying around, and there's no accountability, and nobody knows where the fuck it's going, and these executives that came from these companies that got big fucking bailout checks, they're taking big bonus checks and saying, well, if they don't get these bonuses, they quit. | ||
| Like, fuck you! | ||
| What is happening? | ||
| This is a goddamn money grab. | ||
| Like, how is this money grab going on? | ||
| The money grab's going on because they're all corrupt. | ||
| The Democrats, the Republicans, they all owe favors to people that got them in office and they suck dick and kiss ass and they let this bullshit pass through. | ||
| So it's not just the Republicans. | ||
| It's not just the people who want war, the military-industrial complex. | ||
| It's fucking all of them. | ||
| It's all of them. | ||
| We live in a horribly corrupt system that is, we're like sick. | ||
| We're like, the human race is sick. | ||
| Like, there's something wrong with the way we think and behave. | ||
| And... | ||
| Or it's right and we think it's wrong. | ||
| We're supposed to think that. | ||
| We're supposed to do that. | ||
| No, because it doesn't have to be this way. | ||
| If you want total enjoyment for the people that are participating in it, it doesn't have to be this way. | ||
| And the way it is right now is this way because too many people are passive and they're sitting back and they're just allowing this life to keep rolling forward in the same direction. | ||
| Look, it's going in a certain direction for sure, but it doesn't have to be negative and it doesn't have to fucking involve war. | ||
| It doesn't have to involve all this shit that's going on in these other countries. | ||
| We're being tricked into thinking it does. | ||
| We're supposed to be getting past that shit and we're supposed to be evolving in a technological sense. | ||
| But we should be evolving socially too. | ||
| And we're not. | ||
| We're still socially the same way we were 30, 40, fucking 50 years ago. | ||
| We're still doing the same dumb shit where it's gigantic groups of people led by a couple of leaders will attack another gigantic group of people and a bunch of fucking people that have nothing to do with anything die. | ||
| And someone is getting money from them. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's all about resources. | ||
| Every fucking one that's ever been fought, ever, they're about resources. | ||
| And it's just crazy that in 2010, we... | ||
| You know, the real problem is we live too long. | ||
| Right now, we live to be like 80, 90, 100. You live long enough to figure out it's all bullshit. | ||
| Back in the day, when you were fighting for the Roman Empire, you died a fucking plague when you were 19. You know what I'm saying? | ||
| If you lived to be 30, you did a lot of shit. | ||
| You got a long ass life. | ||
| Jesus, they killed him at 33 if he was ever real. | ||
| Look at all that. | ||
| People didn't live back then. | ||
| Nowadays, motherfuckers live forever. | ||
| You know, you hear about some new lady in France, you know, 126, like, what? | ||
| 126, smoked cigarettes, drank red wine. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| 126. It's incredible. | ||
| People live way longer and you live, if you live past a certain point, like you and I are very fortunate because we're in the entertainment industry. | ||
| So we don't have a specific job that we have to do every morning. | ||
| Like we don't have to go to work and work on say insurance cases all day, stuff that we're not interested in. | ||
| We're lucky that we get to create and we're lucky that we get to do stuff that we find interesting, that it's all fun. | ||
| But for most people, that's not the case. | ||
| And when it's not the case, and when your whole day is filled with work, and I've been there before, and you've been there before, you don't fucking think too much. | ||
| You don't figure too much out. | ||
| When you're working eight hours a goddamn day plus, and you're trying to get some overtime in because you got extra bills and credit card debt and shit, when it gets to a certain point in time, at the end of your day, man, you don't got time to contemplate the universe or culture or why people behave the way they behave. | ||
| No, you just fucking keep going. | ||
| Life is goddamn hard. | ||
| You just keep fucking going. | ||
| But you and I have way more time by ourselves to think on our own than most people. | ||
| So you get to a certain point in time, and you know, by the time I'm 42, by the time you're like 42, like, fuck, man. | ||
| The whole hustle is so obvious and stupid. | ||
| It's like the same hustle that would have got me when I was 18. I would have goddamn joined the army for sure when I was 18. When I'm 42, it makes me angry because somebody my age is doing this hustle on someone who's 18. You know, not even my age, older than me. | ||
| You know, I mean, it's like, you motherfuckers should have figured it out already. | ||
| You motherfuckers that are older than me, that are running the planet, you should be delivering this message. | ||
| You should have figured this out. | ||
| You should know that we're living like retards, that this is nonsensical, that this is not sustainable. | ||
| But we could live a sustainable life. | ||
| And it doesn't involve going to countries where you've never been and fucking up people you've never met. | ||
| It doesn't involve that. | ||
| You know, and this fucking argument like about our boys, you know, what do you want our boys to die, that's how they have to behave over there? | ||
| That's stupid. | ||
| That's a stupid argument. | ||
| Yeah, I know that that's how they have to behave when they're at war, 100%. | ||
| But that's not the argument. | ||
| The argument is this is nonsense. | ||
| They shouldn't fucking be there in the first place. | ||
| It's not that they're not heroes. | ||
| It's not that they're not brave. | ||
| They are, absolutely. | ||
| You have to be. | ||
| I mean, that's real fucking fighting. | ||
| That's real, live killing and fighting. | ||
| With tanks and missiles and jets and shit. | ||
| That must be white-knuckle terrifying. | ||
| You didn't even like Hurt Locker, did you? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| How come you didn't like Hurt Locker? | ||
| I thought it was boring as fuck. | ||
| You need to go to a doctor and get your balls checked out, son. | ||
| That movie was... | ||
| We talked about this a million times. | ||
| I know, we did. | ||
| You gotta get your balls checked out. | ||
| I'll tell you what sucks. | ||
| Clash of the Titans. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Yeah, that sucks too. | ||
| Oh, it was stupid. | ||
| Did you see it? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Oh, it was dumb. | ||
| It was so dumb. | ||
| I mean, the special effects are kind of badass. | ||
| The Kraken was pretty dope. | ||
| When the Kraken comes out, you're like, God, that thing is pretty dope. | ||
| I heard it was like a made-for-TV movie. | ||
| The special effects sucked ass. | ||
| I just heard everything. | ||
| Nah, I kind of liked the Medusa. | ||
| The problem was there wasn't enough shit going down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to see it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see Hot Tub Time Machine? | |
| No, I haven't seen that yet. | ||
| I heard that was bad too. | ||
| What is this gentleman saying? | ||
| I don't like to respond too much to negative people, but I don't know what he's saying. | ||
| Of course he's reading it. | ||
| All he cares about is his internet reputation, not even listening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Are you talking to me? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Some chick asked me a question on Twitter today. | ||
| It was one of the most ridiculous questions that I've ever heard, ever. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This chick says to me, her name is Taurus Spassi 12. I don't know what the fuck it is. | ||
| It's on my Twitter feed. | ||
| She says, Joe, you can't seriously not believe in evolution. | ||
| You don't believe in that, Joe, do you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Listen. | ||
| Listen to how it's worded. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| Seriously not believe. | ||
| Like, I didn't even know what she was asking. | ||
| I had lost it. | ||
| So I said, if I can't not, that means I can, right? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, what does that mean? | ||
| And then I said that I'm not saying I don't not, I'm saying she don't know if I do or don't not. | ||
| There's something about Twitter speak and something about tech speak that's making people really retarded. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But it's so much better than cursive, man. | ||
| I got a letter the other day in cursive and it made me cry. | ||
| I will take No. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, cursive doesn't imply stupid to me. | ||
| When I read something in text-speak, like you are, I go, God damn it. | ||
| When dudes do it, it drives me nuts. | ||
| Yeah, but my brain could immediately skip to it and understand what it's supposed to say. | ||
| Where cursive, I'm more like, okay, that's a Z. I need Y-O-U apostrophe R-E. When you get a goddamn text message from me, you're gonna get a fucking apostrophe. | ||
| You're gonna get a U apostrophe R-E. I'm old school, son. | ||
| I'm old school, son. | ||
| I prefer a stick shift. | ||
| There's just too much goddamn traffic in LA. But I really prefer to shift my own fucking gears, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Do you like to shift your own gears? | ||
| Not in LA, no. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| You get a nice fucking BMW or 911 turbo or some shit? | ||
| I'm done with automatics, or I mean manuals. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| For a sports car, there's nothing like it. | ||
| I have a little BMW, a little M3. I love that thing, but it's got the paddle shifters. | ||
| And the paddle shifters are pretty dope in traffic because you really can shift gears when you want and you really control the engine. | ||
| But man, there's something about pressing that foot, that clutch down, putting that gear in, click, click, letting the clutch off, hitting the gas at the same time. | ||
| It's like you're in tune with the machine, man. | ||
| You're in tune with the machine. | ||
| I'm just pressing buttons. | ||
| I'm hitting the gas. | ||
| I'm pressing buttons. | ||
| And it's fun. | ||
| I mean, don't get me wrong. | ||
| The fucking car is fun as shit. | ||
| These little cars now that they make, like little BMWs, they handle so good, man. | ||
| They're just like, they've figured it out now. | ||
| And there's a crazy horsepower war now. | ||
| So regular cars that you buy are so much more fast than they've ever been before. | ||
| The old BMW before this one had 333 horsepower. | ||
| This one has 420. It's fucking ridiculous! | ||
| It's as fast as my old 911 Turbo, that old Porsche that I used to have. | ||
| That thing was stupid fast. | ||
| This thing is just as fast as that, but handles way better. | ||
| The balance is perfect. | ||
| It's like you feel like you can just move it like it's not even real. | ||
| It's like it's a go-kart or something, you know? | ||
| It's incredible what they're doing now. | ||
| Those new Mustangs, the Shelby, the GT500, those fucking things have 540 horsepower, man. | ||
| You could never buy a car. | ||
| Unnecessary, yes, but fun as fuck. | ||
| That's fun as fuck, dude. | ||
| If you had one of those Mustangs, those really fast ones, that did that... | ||
| See, that does nothing for me anymore. | ||
| Oh, you're so crazy. | ||
| When I was a kid, yes. | ||
| But nowadays, I'm like, no, I want to live. | ||
| Okay, what if you had a weekend car? | ||
| What if you had this, and you had a Mustang GT500 for a weekend car? | ||
| You don't think that would be fun to fucking just... | ||
| No, safely. | ||
| I'm not talking about going down residential roads, going 150 miles an hour. | ||
| But that merging onto the highway... | ||
| Get to 70 like that, son. | ||
| You feel that fucking roar of that V8 and those fat four-inch pipes? | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| That's fun as fuck. | ||
| That is fun as fuck. | ||
| I guess I haven't done it in a while. | ||
| Yeah, you haven't done it in a while. | ||
| If you did it, if you did it every now and then, you'd realize that's fun as fuck, man. | ||
| There's going to be a limit, though, at a certain point in time. | ||
| How fucking fast can these things go? | ||
| The new 911 Turbo is 0-60 in three goddamn seconds. | ||
| Three seconds! | ||
| 1, 2, 3, 60 miles an hour. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| Stop getting texts from your girl. | ||
| What? | ||
| Shut that shit up. | ||
| 20% battery level. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you faggot. | ||
| Acknowledge me, dude. | ||
| Please. | ||
| There, I did. | ||
| I acknowledged you, dude. | ||
| You're way behind on the top. | ||
| Ryan Pellis. | ||
| Yeah, way behind. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| See, you have it stuck way on the top. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoop. | |
| It's just too much. | ||
| There's too many people. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| Too many people. | ||
| Have I ever seen a movie called Falling Down with Michael Douglas? | ||
| Love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Great movie. | ||
| It's a good goddamn movie. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And that's how you feel when you live in LA, you know? | ||
| In LA, after a while, you're like... | ||
| You know, there's too many humans. | ||
| They did population density studies with rats. | ||
| They took rats, they put them in a box, and there was, you know, there's a certain population of rats, and they were cool with each other. | ||
| And then they doubled it, and they started getting a little crazy, and they tripled it. | ||
| And when they got to, like, a high number where the rats were on top of each other, rats developed mental illnesses, just like human beings do. | ||
| Some rats would sit by themselves and shake And just like face the corner. | ||
| I mean, literally the way human beings are is mirrored in population density studies for all sorts of animals. | ||
| So, you know, you take us and you put us in the same thing. | ||
| The reason why people yell at each other on the highway, that's craziness. | ||
| Why do we get so angry on the highway? | ||
| It's because we're on top of each other, just eating each other's energy all the time. | ||
| You're not supposed to live like that. | ||
| And so that movie just resonates with everybody, I think, when you just went fucking crazy. | ||
| When you live in a place like L.A., L.A.'s got 20 million people in it. | ||
| I mean, that was the reason why I moved to Colorado in the first place. | ||
| I wanted to get away from this heavy vibration of all these people. | ||
| You know, I don't think this is a healthy way to live. | ||
| I don't think it's a healthy thing to be like this many people. | ||
| To me, I feel like I'm living in a game of musical chairs. | ||
| Like one day some shit's gonna go down and I'm just gonna have to go further away. | ||
| You know, I don't feel like I could stay here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Did you feel that earthquake the other day? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| I was in the car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| I didn't feel it either. | ||
| I was in the car either, but I heard it was just like a wave. | ||
| It was in Mexico. | ||
| Our friend Duncan said that his bookshelf was moving. | ||
| He said it felt like you were on a boat, like you were waving. | ||
| That said, our friend Duncan has done a lot of acid in his day. | ||
| Well, I heard it from a few people at the same time. | ||
| Same exact thing, wavy motions and like three people told me. | ||
| Well, it was a pretty big one. | ||
| It was a 7.0. | ||
| 6.9 or something like that. | ||
| In Baja, California. | ||
| And that's like Mexico, right? | ||
| And then there was... | ||
| Isn't that where Jesse Ventura lives? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's fucking government. | ||
| And then 15 minutes later, 20 minutes later, there was like a 4.3 North of Los Angeles. | ||
| The government's trying to fight with me. | ||
| The government tried to fight with me. | ||
| That's a bad Jesse Ventura impression. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| That dude lives in Mexico half the year. | ||
| 7.2. | ||
| I think that's pretty cool. | ||
| 7.2? | ||
| 7.8. | ||
| Indonesia two hours ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Is that true? | ||
| Okay, I'm going to have to check that shit out because that's ridiculous. | ||
| I'm going to have to run and hide in the basement if that shit's real. | ||
| Indonesia, sir? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Let's move to North Carolina. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| How cool was that, right? | ||
| North Carolina. | ||
| I've been thinking about that lately. | ||
| Massive earthquake rocks southern Sumatra and Indonesia, 7.8 on the Rector scale. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Motherfucker, it's true. | ||
| Four minutes ago, this is on these websites. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| I love this little latest results thing, and it scrolls down and shows you all the shit. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Google is the shit. | ||
| Okay, I'm willing to give up some personal liberty so that Google could be running shit. | ||
| Alright, let's see what else we've got here. | ||
| Sun... | ||
| These podcasts have been a lot of fun. | ||
| And I met a lot of people last week on the road in New York and in North Carolina. | ||
| And thank you all very much for coming out. | ||
| And I'm glad you enjoyed the podcast because we love doing it, man. | ||
| It's fun as shit. | ||
| Tesla got fucked by Rockefeller. | ||
| Yes, he did. | ||
| You know the best version of that story is Duncan Trussell's Drunk History. | ||
| I don't have a link to the video, but I'll put it up for you guys. | ||
| I'm going to find the video for you because it's so cool. | ||
| Funny or Die, Duncan Trussell. | ||
| Drunk History. | ||
| They get Duncan super, super drunk. | ||
| There it is, right there. | ||
| Drunk History, okay. | ||
| I'm gonna put this shit on Twitter. | ||
| Content rejected, removed, terms of use. | ||
| Go back to that, your search results, there was a video. | ||
| Dailymotion stole it. | ||
| Those fucks. | ||
| It's hilarious, though. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| Duncan was so wasted. | ||
| Yeah, he drank like bottles of tequila and shit. | ||
| And, uh, absence. | ||
| Oh yeah, absence, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Have you ever done that shit? | ||
| Yeah, I never did enough to have it, like, feel it or anything, I don't think. | ||
| I did it a long time ago. | ||
| What is his, um, what is Duncan's, uh... | ||
| Duncan Trussell. | ||
| Is it one S or two? | ||
| Two. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have to give my man props on the Twitter. | |
| It's hilarious. | ||
| You've got to watch this Drunk History thing. | ||
| It's really pretty spectacular. | ||
| But for the people that are tuning into iTunes right now, you get no link, you motherfuckers. | ||
| You don't even know what we're talking about. | ||
| Duncan Trussell, Drunk History, if you Google that, there'll be a website up where you can watch the YouTube clip. | ||
| You can watch it on Funny or Die. | ||
| You can watch it in a couple of different places, but it's hilarious. | ||
| And yeah, Edison was a cunt. | ||
| In Westinghouse, they were cunts, and Tesla was a genius. | ||
| But, in their defense, Tesla also fell in love with a pigeon. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, and he had an issue where he destroyed his sexuality. | ||
| Like, he had some fucking crazy problem with some actress, and he fell in love with her, and this is all really vague stuff, but in his own words, he destroyed his sexuality. | ||
| And they don't know if he castrated himself. | ||
| There was also a lot of speculation that he might have been gay or whatever too. | ||
| He was definitely a loon. | ||
| But again, I think you have to be a loon to be like the fucking greatest genius that the world has ever known. | ||
| I mean, that guy was nuts, man. | ||
| That guy created all kinds of shit. | ||
| Alternating current. | ||
| Literally, you created a way to fucking broadcast electricity through the air. | ||
| The only problem with it was it would be free Wi-Fi. | ||
| They wouldn't be able to control it. | ||
| To have it in your house, you'd just be able to have it. | ||
| But I guess now you could have a password. | ||
| You'd pay for the password. | ||
| Well, they already do that. | ||
| In some cities, they have citywide Wi-Fi, and it's free. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm not talking about that. | ||
| I'm talking about electricity. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Talking about if they would be able to do that with electricity and put a password on it the way we put a password on Wi-Fi today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But either way, Nikolai Tesla is a perfect example of what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| He's a dude who's like a just gigantic, super fucking genius. | ||
| Like the greatest genius ever. | ||
| And completely batshit insane. | ||
| Just out of his fucking mind. | ||
| Claimed that all of his information he received from aliens. | ||
| That he would tune into alien signals and they would tell him how to do all this stuff. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| I always wonder about that, man. | ||
| I always wonder where the fuck ideas come from. | ||
| What if ideas are literally like a living organism? | ||
| What if ideas are like... | ||
| You know how we think about parasites? | ||
| We talked about this before. | ||
| Parasites infecting a host. | ||
| And they take over the host's body like that grasshopper that gets infected by this worm. | ||
| The aquatic worm grows inside the grasshopper. | ||
| To maturity, and then when it gets to maturity, it convinces the grasshopper that it has to jump into water and drown. | ||
| So the grasshopper commits suicide so that this worm can come out of it. | ||
| What if, like, language and ideas literally are like another sort of organism? | ||
| And what if, like, they are manipulating our consciousness? | ||
| You know, what if, like, language and ideas and all these different things that people come up with, like, creativity and people, when people are creative about things, they pull these things down out of the air. | ||
| I mean, what are you doing? | ||
| You're freaking me out. | ||
| Why is this bothering you? | ||
| Because I can see it. | ||
| How are you seeing that? | ||
| Dude, are we going to do this podcast or are you going to play on that fucking thing? | ||
| Hey, I'm trying to do some tech support here to see if our Ustream shows could be seen on here. | ||
| Yeah, we don't need to see it. | ||
| We can watch it on here. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| We've got to have a real conversation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How is this bothering you if I'm holding this? | |
| Because you were not having a conversation. | ||
| We're not having a conversation. | ||
| You're talking about theories and I'm listening. | ||
| Talk back then, motherfucker. | ||
| I'm not going to interrupt your theories. | ||
| I don't understand why you need me. | ||
| You're sitting there and I'm seeing this flash of your fucking archive. | ||
| How are you seeing that? | ||
| I am. | ||
| Brian, why are you arguing with me? | ||
| I am and we're, you know, what am I, lying? | ||
| No, I mean, I just... | ||
| No, you're defending yourself when I'm telling you it's distracting. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| I'm sorry for listening to you while looking at trying to do some tech support. | ||
| And doing it more than once when I ask you that. | ||
| It's not tech support, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, it is. | |
| I'm not at Brian. | ||
| Stop arguing with me. | ||
| I'm not asking you to do this. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| That seems very unnecessary, Joe. | ||
| It's not unnecessary, Brian. | ||
| You're distracting me. | ||
| You distract me by web surfing in front of me and I'm looking at your screen. | ||
| Was I web surfing? | ||
| Whatever you're doing, I'm seeing you fucking flipping through pages. | ||
| And you're not listening to what I'm saying. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| We're not having a conversation. | ||
| We weren't having a... | ||
| You were talking about a theory about something. | ||
| I'm listening while doing it. | ||
| See this thing we're doing right here? | ||
| This is 724 people listening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I understand, Joe. | |
| This is what's called a podcast. | ||
| Joe, you were doing a theory. | ||
| I was listening to you, but I was... | ||
| Yeah, but I'm watching you flip through this fucking thing. | ||
| You're not listening to me. | ||
| Because I'm trying to do something for the show, Joe. | ||
| Okay, Brian. | ||
| Brian, don't do it. | ||
| I told you not to do it earlier. | ||
| This weird just had a little girl spat. | ||
| A little hissy fit. | ||
| It's the iPad. | ||
| It's a fucking evil iPad. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| Guy said the iPad's evil. | ||
| It's causing you to do that. | ||
| To what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
To do that. | |
| If I wasn't doing that, I would have been like this. | ||
| Doing the exact same thing. | ||
| If we're talking, I would expect that. | ||
| When you're talking, I do the same. | ||
| I think when people are talking to each other, they sit back and the other person listens. | ||
| If you're doing a bunch of shit, I'm just telling you, man. | ||
| If you're doing a bunch of shit while I'm talking, I know you're not listening to me. | ||
| Joe, Joe, Joe. | ||
| It's not that. | ||
| If I were to go off for 15 minutes, 10 minutes at a time, you would do the exact same thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I wouldn't. | |
| Yes, you would. | ||
| You would not let me talk for 20 minutes. | ||
| Brian, I'm not talking for 20 minutes. | ||
| And we're doing a podcast. | ||
| All right. | ||
| We're not having a conversation, though. | ||
| Brian, Jesus Christ, why are you defending this? | ||
| Because you're attacking me. | ||
| It's really simple. | ||
| I'm not attacking you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, you are attacking me. | |
| I told you twice to stop looking at that fucking thing that is distracting me. | ||
| I will look at this thing, then, that's in front of us doing the same thing. | ||
| No, it's not, because you're not flipping through things and moving stuff around. | ||
| I can tell you're not paying attention. | ||
| And it's distracting me. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Have I looked into the Illuminati? | ||
| What if HAARP caused the earthquakes? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Whoever you are. | ||
| Goddamn it with your nonsense. | ||
| Go read some David Icke books. | ||
| Wow, Red Band's the man. | ||
| Shut the fuck up, Joe. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Listen, we have moved on, you fucks, but I have to... | ||
| I have to set this boy straight. | ||
| Oh, we got issues. | ||
| Okay, let's go to the Rogan board, go to my website, and find some of the questions people have there. | ||
| Let's try to change gears here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, let's get some questions here. | |
| Look at this. | ||
| Can you talk about being more flexible? | ||
| Any books you or Eddie recommend on stretching and flexibility? | ||
| Just take yoga if you really want to learn how to suck your own dick. | ||
| That's why you're asking, goddammit. | ||
| You said you hung out with Ron Jeremy? | ||
| He was at the party I was at the other day. | ||
| Did you guys hang out? | ||
| Did you talk? | ||
| I said hide and that's about it. | ||
| He used to be able to suck his dick. | ||
| That's why I had a bit in my act about it. | ||
| But he got too fat. | ||
| The joke was that that's how overrated sucking your own dick is. | ||
| That guy never... | ||
| He just sits at home and watches TV, does he? | ||
| I see that guy at least once a month somewhere. | ||
| It's kind of funny. | ||
| He's really into being a mainstream success. | ||
| He would always tell me about things that he's done. | ||
| Like, I'm doing this new movie with this guy and I'm about to do a cameo on this TV show. | ||
| And he's like, I'm really trying to make it as a mainstream actor. | ||
| Dude, you're fucking Ron Jeremy, okay? | ||
| Do you understand that you're like a hero to ugly fat dudes all across the world? | ||
| You've fucked the hottest women on the planet. | ||
| He's fucked all of them, every single one of them. | ||
| He has a giant dick and he's fucked all of them hard. | ||
| Slaps them around, fucks them, doggy style, nuts in their mouth and face. | ||
| I mean, he's a goddamn champion. | ||
| He's a champion. | ||
| If that was something that you feel like you could be a champion about. | ||
| A lot of people would be like, oh, you fucked the 5,000 hot chicks. | ||
| That would be like, oh god, I feel horrible. | ||
| But you really think people would think that that's a bad thing? | ||
| Like a regular guy that never gets laid that looks like him? | ||
| To a regular guy that looks like Mon Jarrett? | ||
| He didn't used to always look like that though. | ||
| He used to look pretty Fonzie back in the day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pretty Fonzie. | |
| He was a decent looking guy when he was younger, but he was never like a hot stud. | ||
| You know, these girls are tens. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And now he's like this gross, fat, hairy guy with gray chest hairs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he's still banging them. | ||
| All the new ones. | ||
| All the new ones have to pay homage to the Staff of the King. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's like a superhero for porn. | ||
| Yeah, if you're a dude who looks like him in Jersey, you know, you're a fucking mailman or you're delivering sausages to the fucking local supermarket. | ||
| Ron Jeremy looks like you, and he's banging 10s, and you can't get laid at all. | ||
| You know, you're lucky if you get some toothless blowjob from some Hunts Point hooker that just makes you check your balls every five seconds for the next three days looking for herpes sores. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You're lucky if that's, you know, that's like as good as you can get. | ||
| You know, and that's going to cost you $150 or whatever the fuck it costs you. | ||
| You know, this motherfucker is just banging, and he looks just like you, and he's banging them all over his face. | ||
| Banging them. | ||
| I can't wait till these chest hairs turn gray. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Do you think it looks sexy? | ||
| Do you ever think about shaving that? | ||
| I hate it, dude. | ||
| I fucking hate shaving. | ||
| What looks better? | ||
| Like being an animal or being a man or having white little red bumps everywhere with ingrown hairs and stubble and you look like a... | ||
| I just think you're supposed to let it go. | ||
| You're supposed to be a man, supposed to be an animal, and not just shaving your fucking chest. | ||
| The problem with jujitsu is, especially when you train with a gi on, guys grab you right here. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| They grab your collar, and when they grab your collar, they grab fistfuls of chest hair. | ||
| It hurts like a motherfucker. | ||
| Why are you supposed to have gi, man? | ||
| Gi mad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gi? | |
| You're supposed to have the Gi, man. | ||
| Yeah, but they grab it through the Gi. | ||
| The Gi gets caught up in the chest hairs. | ||
| There's a lot of guard passes where a guy's on top of you and he pushes down on the collar and grabs it. | ||
| They always get a fistful of chest hairs. | ||
| So people grab your chest hair, you get ringworms, staph infection. | ||
| There's no reason to be doing jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Well, it's definitely hard to justify sometimes. | ||
| You know, when you think about injuries, I mean, I've gone through, since doing jujitsu, I've gone through two knee surgeries, one meniscus, one reconstruction. | ||
| I've had all sorts of fucking back problems. | ||
| So why is jujitsu not one of the things like if you had like a stove that smelled like gas, you're always burning yourself, there's always flames coming out of it. | ||
| Why would you keep on using that stove? | ||
| Why would you keep on going? | ||
| It's like surfing when the guys crash and get scratched up. | ||
| It's so much fucking fun to keep doing it. | ||
| Jiu-Jitsu, when you get good at it, is really fun, dude. | ||
| It's really fun. | ||
| You're going basically hand-to-hand combat and you're doing it with good friends. | ||
| Like these guys that I do Jiu-Jitsu with, you know, we trust each other with basically each other's lives. | ||
| You know, when a dude gets my back and chokes me and I tap, I'm trusting that he's going to let me go before he fucking kills me because basically he's got to a point where he's killing me. | ||
| And that's the same thing, you know, with you. | ||
| When you get on top of a dude and you're finishing off a choke or an armbar or something and a guy starts tapping... | ||
| He's basically trusting that you're not going to injure him. | ||
| And sometimes people get injured accidentally, but the amount of times that I don't get injured is way more than the amount of times that I do. | ||
| I get injured, but I've had these operations and shit over the course of doing Jiu Jitsu for 14 years. | ||
| It's a long ass time. | ||
| The first year or so, first couple years, I had a knee issue that I had. | ||
| I already had the knee surgery on my left knee, the meniscus. | ||
| I had the meniscus problem for years before that. | ||
| So it was a pre-existing injury. | ||
| So really the only major one that I had was the knee surgery. | ||
| But you just get it fixed and you fucking heal up and you just train smarter next time. | ||
| You realize don't put yourself in bad positions and don't train with spazes. | ||
| That's another thing. | ||
| You got to make sure you don't train with anybody that you don't trust. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| Some guys are just a little too nutty. | ||
| They fucking spaz out on you when you train. | ||
| You've got to be real careful of those dudes because they want to win so badly. | ||
| The best guys are the guys who are really good. | ||
| Even though they tap you out, even though they can beat you, they're going to beat you with technique and you're much safer. | ||
| You're literally safer with a guy who can kick your ass Who's a black belt than you are with a guy who's strong who's a blue belt. | ||
| Because that strong blue belt might fucking dive on your foot and break it. | ||
| He might try to get you in a footlock and get a hold of it so quick trying to tap you out that he hurts you before you even get a chance to tap. | ||
| It's a very tricky thing, but doing it good is so much fun, dude. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| And you don't think about anything else. | ||
| It really is like a form of meditation. | ||
| When you're in there and you're going at it and you're rolling with each other, you're not thinking about your bills. | ||
| You're not thinking about you gotta wash your car, your laundry. | ||
| No, you're thinking, I gotta survive here. | ||
| I gotta get out of the situation. | ||
| I gotta get into full guard. | ||
| I gotta pass his guard. | ||
| I gotta mount. | ||
| I gotta finish him. | ||
| I gotta stop him from finishing me. | ||
| That's all you're thinking about is the moment. | ||
| And whenever you're involved in something like that that's that intense, it's like a form of meditation, you know? | ||
| Don't you think that way about art sometimes? | ||
| Like when you're at your best and you're like with your video editing or you're creating something, like when you're right in the middle of it all, you ain't thinking about shit but what you're doing, you know? | ||
| Yeah, but it's always getting it done. | ||
| It's never like I'm enjoying it. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| No, fuck no. | ||
| When I'm painting a painting, when I'm editing a video, when I'm doing anything, it's getting it done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| You don't enjoy it? | ||
| I'm not having fun while doing it. | ||
| I'll have spurts of fun while I'm like going, oh, that's a great idea. | ||
| But that's not like I'm like boner style going, oh, I can't wait to finish this video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, you know, is that an attitude thing? | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I guess I consider that creativity. | ||
| I consider I'm trying to get something out of my brain and do something else as fast as possible while I have the idea in my head. | ||
| Like I'm trying to take my ideas and thoughts out of my head and put it in a form as fast as possible before I lose the original thought or idea. | ||
| So it's not like, oh, I love this idea. | ||
| I can't wait to do it. | ||
| Mine is just trying to get what I want, what I thought of out. | ||
| I like making notes with the iPhone using that little application, but I don't like that I have to fucking go in the menu, find it, press that, press record. | ||
| I think I'm going to get like a little tiny voice notes thing. | ||
| And when I have ideas like that, when I'm writing and I have an idea, when I'm trying to write it down, I think I'm just going to press it and say the idea into it so I know for sure that I'm not going to lose it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, I mean, like if you have your iPhone, that record app, you just open up a program and hit record. | ||
| Yeah, but I want to be able to just one press. | ||
| And it's recording. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For real. | ||
| I mean, it sounds ridiculous. | ||
| But it is. | ||
| I mean, it is that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I have the biggest problem. | ||
| Like, I will have an idea that might be the coolest thing I've ever thought of. | ||
| And if I wait like five seconds, ten seconds, I might accidentally think of something else and that idea is gone. | ||
| I have that problem so much. | ||
| And I know it's mostly when smoking weed. | ||
| Because lately I've been smoking weed maybe once, twice a week instead of almost every day and I feel so much sharper. | ||
| My memory is so much better. | ||
| It's amazing how much better I feel already and I'm just from cutting it. | ||
| Well you also don't exercise that much either. | ||
| That's a big part about the weed. | ||
| You got to blow that out of your system. | ||
| You know, it's not just... | ||
| If you just sit around and just keep smoking weed every day, every day, the weed starts to lose its effect, and then you start to have to get more weed to kind of... | ||
| And then you're, like, flooding your system, you know? | ||
| I think that when you smoke weed, you can... | ||
| Like, if you want to do something creatively, you can't smoke too much. | ||
| You gotta have one hit. | ||
| One hit's good. | ||
| If you have two or three, you might lose track of what the fuck you're talking about, you know? | ||
| Sometimes it's fun to have two or three, but for the most part, one. | ||
| It's a little bit. | ||
| I read this professor. | ||
| I saw this interview once with this professor. | ||
| I think he was a physics professor. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| He was talking about marijuana, and he was saying that he smokes a little bit. | ||
| He said the key is to not overdo it. | ||
| I smoke one hit, and I go on walks, and I contemplate my theories. | ||
| And he says that that one hit, he says it's like a magical push, like a little boost. | ||
| It just gives him a little momentum, a little wind in his sails, and then it starts the ball rolling. | ||
| Don't you ever think that? | ||
| Like sometimes you're creating something, you're trying to do something, and you're not smoking weed, and you're like, God, it's so... | ||
| Oh yeah, a lot of time. | ||
| And then you smoke a little weed, and then all of a sudden, bam! | ||
| Right. | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
| The main thing I think is it just gives you a different perspective of the same idea that you're thinking almost like you're multitasking. | ||
| You're thinking... | ||
| One way, this way, and you smoke weed, and you can think of it a different way. | ||
| That's one of the only ways you could ever do that. | ||
| It's changing your brain. | ||
| You could probably do it on cough syrup and think of it a different way. | ||
| But weed, I think, is the most effective and fastest and reliable because you're so used to that other side. | ||
| George Carlin had an interesting take on writing. | ||
| What he would do, he would write everything first, sober, and then he would smoke a joint and go over it. | ||
| Which I think is kind of interesting. | ||
| Because he put up the skeleton of the house first, and then he starts adding it. | ||
| Don't do it the other way around, though, because then it always sucks. | ||
| Well, I don't know, man. | ||
| I think if you write high, sometimes you can come up with some crazy shit. | ||
| And then if you go over it sober, you go, oh, this is too ridiculous. | ||
| And then you can edit it. | ||
| I think the combination of the two is what's important. | ||
| I don't know if it's necessary which order. | ||
| I think thinking of the idea sober, and then... | ||
| Going off on the idea, stoned, always helps. | ||
| I have better odds that way. | ||
| Yeah, maybe I think I might want to do that with my writing. | ||
| I might want to label it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like, S-T and S-O, stoned and sober. | ||
| And like, so I'll write S-T, S-O, so you know I did it stoned and edited sober, or I'll write, you know, S-O, S-T. I have some funny stone jokes that I write, and I look at them, and they are fucking crazy. | ||
| Let me see if I can pick out one real quick. | ||
| Well, the bit that I do in my act that is totally true, that I wrote down something when I was high and then I went to read it when I was sober and it's like, a unicorn is a donkey from the future. | ||
| I looked at that and I'm like, how could I have ever possibly thought that that was something that I needed to write down? | ||
| That is for sure a sure sign that I got way too fucked up. | ||
| Alright, here's one of my stone jokes. | ||
| Marble industry has to be hurting right now. | ||
| Remember when you were a kid, marbles were the bomb? | ||
| I mean, what the fuck? | ||
| Who does Marvels nowadays? | ||
| That's actually funny, man. | ||
| That really is funny. | ||
| That's how... | ||
| What? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| New comedy tour. | ||
| Half the show stoned, half sober. | ||
| The problem with that is I would have to start out sober and then step off stage. | ||
| Go outside and get high. | ||
| And that's when the cops would grab me. | ||
| Those motherfuckers. | ||
| Twitter. | ||
| They'd be laying in wait. | ||
| The worst on Twitter is when you find out that you're following a fake Lisa Kudrow. | ||
| You feel ashamed and disgusted, but you're not ashamed that you were following her to begin with. | ||
| I follow everybody, man. | ||
| I follow everybody I can. | ||
| I mean, there's no one that... | ||
| I follow a lot of real dummies. | ||
| A lot of really dumb celebrities. | ||
| It's really annoying and into themselves. | ||
| I follow people that like give out like really patronizing advice and like ridiculous God quotes and just really dumb shit. | ||
| You know who tweets some really dumb shit? | ||
| Deepak Chopra. | ||
| Some of his stuff is just like, what are you fucking talking about? | ||
| Deepak Chopra? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't know who he is? | |
| He's like some really famous author. | ||
| He says a lot of brilliant shit. | ||
| I've listened to a lot of his interviews. | ||
| He says a lot of brilliant shit. | ||
| But goddamn, some of his tweets make me want to kick him in the dick. | ||
| The balance. | ||
| He's missing the balance, my friends. | ||
| Take a brownie at the start. | ||
| That's not a bad idea, but the problem with brownies is brownies and comedy do not mix, my friend. | ||
| If I took a brownie at the start of my act, An hour into the act, when the brownie kicked in, I would be so high, I would not be able to function. | ||
| When I get really high on brownies, man, I don't want to be talking. | ||
| I don't want to talk to people. | ||
| That stuff's too strong. | ||
| I can't trust edibles, man. | ||
| It's like doing small amounts of mushrooms now, to me. | ||
| Sometimes I feel like I'm really tripping. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's too crazy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The fucking, the eating it is spooky, man. | ||
| And for people who don't know, it creates something when you eat it called 11-hydroxymetabolite that's four times stronger than THC. So when you eat it, literally, it's a totally different drug than when you smoke it. | ||
| That's why people, when they eat brownies, they always think they got laced with something. | ||
| You know, so I can't do that. | ||
| So that's the answer to that question. | ||
| There's no way I could eat a brownie, go on stage, and then an hour and the brownie kicks in. | ||
| Because then I would just want to lie on my back on stage and start talking about the universe. | ||
| Some people might be into it, but there'd be a lot of people that would leave and go, that fucking show sucked! | ||
| It was really funny for like an hour. | ||
| And then he just started talking crazy. | ||
| He's lying on his back saying he's connected to everything. | ||
| People would just not enjoy it. | ||
| Just take a social dose. | ||
| Well, that's what we're talking about. | ||
| We can't figure out what a social dose is. | ||
| Unless you're making the brownies yourself. | ||
| And even if you make the brownies yourself, you can fuck up the first time. | ||
| You get it too strong. | ||
| I don't have that time to be mastering the right dose of brownies. | ||
| Smoking it is the way to go. | ||
| Well, I loved you in Calgary too, Jen Ab. | ||
| Calgary was the shit. | ||
| That was fun, man. | ||
| That was a good fucking time. | ||
| A stone universe tour. | ||
| Yeah, I should do that. | ||
| You know what would really be cool? | ||
| Eventually, right now we can't do it, but eventually we're going to get to a point where we can do stone shows. | ||
| You know, like I could do a show, like somewhere, like in Amsterdam they have those cafes where they allow you to smoke weed. | ||
| If we had a place like that in America... | ||
| Hopefully in November. | ||
| Yeah, hopefully in November. | ||
| But I don't buy it, man. | ||
| I think the DEA is going to fucking put the kibosh on that shit. | ||
| The problem with the drug movement is that making drugs illegal... | ||
| Is good for business. | ||
| And making drugs legal puts a lot of people out of work. | ||
| It puts the DEA out of work. | ||
| It puts private prisons out of work. | ||
| It puts prison guards out of work. | ||
| It puts parole officers and fucking police officers. | ||
| Literally 50% of the people that are in prison are in prison for nonviolent drug offenses. | ||
| How many of those are weed? | ||
| And what happens when we becomes legal? | ||
| Oh, it's a fucking colossal mess. | ||
| So what they're doing by keeping it illegal is really protecting business. | ||
| And it sounds crazy. | ||
| It sounds like nobody would be doing that. | ||
| There's no way the government's that fucked up. | ||
| No, it really is. | ||
| It's that fucked up. | ||
| That literally is what it is. | ||
| The reason why it's still illegal is all because of money. | ||
| There's no one dying. | ||
| There's no one getting cancer. | ||
| There's no one losing their fucking mind. | ||
| Yet it's still illegal. | ||
| When you can go to fucking CVS and buy jugs of wine and Cheap liquor and cartons of cigarettes. | ||
| And you could smoke cigarettes and drink yourself to death. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| You know, literally you can't die with pot. | ||
| I mean, you can't. | ||
| I mean, I guess you could do something really stupid when you're stoned and wind up killing yourself. | ||
| But if you're that dumb, you probably would have done something stupid anyway, you know? | ||
| And when they say don't die at pot, though, you could totally die if you, say, start panicking because you're stoned and then your heart has a heart attack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Die. | |
| I've never heard of that. | ||
| Have you? | ||
| So you don't think that ever happened? | ||
| Somebody's got too stoned, started freaking out, then their heart fails or something? | ||
| I've never heard of it. | ||
| Have you heard of it? | ||
| Oh, I haven't heard of it because they can't link saying that the weed is like... | ||
| Let's Google this if you're a weak-ass bitch. | ||
| Weak-ass... | ||
| I'm going to Google weak-ass bitch heart attack from weed. | ||
| Yeah, heart attack weed. | ||
| Heart attack from weed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's see. | |
| Can marijuana cause a heart attack? | ||
| Yahoo answers. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Marijuana said to trigger heart attacks. | ||
| This is just wiki answers. | ||
| Wiki answers is stupid because people like answer. | ||
| That's how I thought that whales, that killer whales used to kill people. | ||
| I've read this online in a couple different places. | ||
| That killer whales used to kill people until World War II and then people were using the whales as target practice. | ||
| I've read this online and I talked about it on the Adam Carolla show. | ||
| And even though I said, I don't know if it's true, I read it online, that after World War II, after the bombers, you know, killer whales stopped killing human beings and actually started saving. | ||
| Which would be really fascinating. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| But... | ||
| It wasn't true. | ||
| It was just fucking Wiki Answers, man. | ||
| Some crazy wailing guy on Wiki Answers. | ||
| And I had to, like, chase it down on my website. | ||
| Marijuana said to trigger heart attacks. | ||
| Harvard. | ||
| Five times. | ||
| Five times the amount of having a heart attack. | ||
| In the first hour after smoking pot, a person's risk of heart attack could rise almost five times. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| That's if you're a weak-ass bitch. | ||
| Or if you're just one step away from having a heart attack because you eat a lot of meat or something like that. | ||
| Be careful, weak-ass bitches. | ||
| I'm going to write this. | ||
| Be careful. | ||
| Weak ass. | ||
| Yeah, see that's why when you say that like marijuana is never killed went true. | ||
| It didn't poison anybody. | ||
| It didn't, you know. | ||
| But if you have some other problems and you smoke weed, absolutely. | ||
| The same thing could happen if you lick shoes and you get, you know. | ||
| What? | ||
| There might be something allergic on a shoe that could trigger off a sinus infection that will Make you die. | ||
| I really don't know where you're going with this. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Okay, so I just tweeted that. | ||
| Careful, weak-ass bitches. | ||
| Marijuana can give you a heart attack if your ticker sucks. | ||
| And you can read the story. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| If you really... | ||
| You're going to get a heart attack from weed because you're freaking out. | ||
| I definitely think that there's another problem. | ||
| The real problem is that you're in terrible shape and you need to take care of your body. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| It's not pot. | ||
| The way I've always described pot not being able to help dumb people is that you put jet fuel in a fucking lawnmower, it's still a lawnmower. | ||
| You put jet fuel in a jet and it's pretty badass. | ||
| But the bottom line is it's all about what kind of hardware you're dealing with. | ||
| Some people just have weak brains. | ||
| Their brains just suck. | ||
| Have you ever met people and you look in their eye and you're talking to them and you're like, wow, there's no hope for this dude. | ||
| This dude's just dull. | ||
| I'm looking in his eyes. | ||
| I'm not making any connection. | ||
| It's like talking to a dog. | ||
| He's like a fucking idiot. | ||
| There are people, and people don't want to admit this for whatever reason. | ||
| Because there are people that aren't dumb, they're just troubled, and their lives have fallen apart because they, you know, they've got all sorts of issues and, you know, people go, oh, that guy's a retard. | ||
| But he's not really a retard. | ||
| You know he's kind of smart. | ||
| There are people like that that are just troubled and fucked up and, you know, perhaps they never figured out what it is in this life that they're good for or should be doing. | ||
| But there's definitely people with weak-ass 9-volt brains that are just supposed to be out there digging ditches. | ||
| And to deny that is just unscientific. | ||
| If you look at the entire fucking universe, man, It's all about things improving and getting better. | ||
| And if you look at human beings, there's all sorts of programs and things set up to make sure that the weak can still survive. | ||
| They don't drop off. | ||
| And when that happens, you're going to create a bunch of dumb people. | ||
| And having those dumb people around, look, they all fit their purpose. | ||
| They're all here for a reason. | ||
| But if you're going to have a fucking Nikolai Tesla, if you're going to have an Einstein, for sure you're going to have ditch diggers. | ||
| Dudes who are here to ditch dicks. | ||
| Ditch dicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what it probably is? | |
| It's probably they set the retard bar so low in the 1900s that they just haven't raised it yet. | ||
| There should be maybe a test or two that we haven't been doing that makes people that instead are dumb, they're just retarded. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| This person's so dumb, they are retarded, but they're one test away. | ||
| We don't ever want to say that because we want to say, oh, you give people a chance and everyone's got a chance. | ||
| I think there are certain people where it's very much cultural. | ||
| They're raised in an environment where no one's questioning anything. | ||
| Their role models are all dunces. | ||
| They grow up in a family where people scream and yell at each other for no reason. | ||
| They live in this stupid world and so they imitate their atmosphere and they become stupid themselves. | ||
| There's people like that. | ||
| So it's not an exact science, but the problem is there's a lot of really fucking dumb people, man. | ||
| When you see those videos of those people that go to those Sarah Palin book signings, those teabagger people, and they're all up in arms against the government, there are some wooden minds in there, just some dull motherfuckers. | ||
| That's really a problem that everybody has to have a say. | ||
| How do you fix that? | ||
| How do you fix what we got going on as far as the idea of a democracy, the idea of half the people or more? | ||
| Have to agree. | ||
| The idea of a real democracy. | ||
| More than 50% of the people are retarded, which I think they are. | ||
| I would say more than 50%. | ||
| More than 50%. | ||
| How the fuck do you move forward? | ||
| The only way to do it is to make those people smarter. | ||
| It's to figure out a way to educate those people, to raise the number of dumb, raise the number of uninterested, uninvolved. | ||
| Do you think 50% are retarded like they have bad brains or just education, environment? | ||
| You know, I have... | ||
| I know people that are great people, but for whatever reason... | ||
| They just don't think the same way that my other friends do. | ||
| They're not thinking about putting their seatbelt on because they don't want to get in a car accident. | ||
| They just get in the car and just drive. | ||
| They just don't have a part of their brain that's not working. | ||
| Just thinking a little outside-the-box thing. | ||
| But do you think that's how they were raised? | ||
| Is it nature or nurture? | ||
| I think it's just they're not using the same parts of brains. | ||
| I just don't think that they have that in them. | ||
| I wonder how much of that is due to environment. | ||
| How much of it is due to pollution. | ||
| How much of it is due to what your mother was eating and doing while she had you in the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That has to have a big effect. | |
| If you go on YouTube and search Me smoking a cigarette. | ||
| You'll see some guy in West Virginia just sitting there smoking a cigarette and you can tell just by looking at him he's retarded. | ||
| But yet he is probably not considered retarded. | ||
| No, and he can vote. | ||
| Yeah, and he can vote. | ||
| I've been having all these conversations about religion on the Rogan board lately because of all this Catholic scandal that's going on. | ||
| And I don't know if you know the latest, but they've proven that the Pope knew about pedophiles and hid the cases. | ||
| That before he was the Pope, that he knew about these pedophile cases and he did everything that he could to shield the information and protect the priests. | ||
| It's like, man, how could you not think that the Catholic religion is a cult at that point? | ||
| At that point, it's a cult, right? | ||
| I mean, it's a cult, period, definition-wise. | ||
| But at that point in time, you're like, how could this possibly be good? | ||
| You know, if at the very top, this kind of shit is going on. | ||
| How do people get tricked into that? | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| How are people so silly that in 2010 this is still considered a possibility? | ||
| Maybe they're right. | ||
| Maybe these kid fuckers are on the ball. | ||
| Maybe they're the ones that we need to follow. | ||
| Maybe this crazy organization in Italy. | ||
| Maybe they're the masters of all the knowledge. | ||
| Is that nature or is that nurture? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is it both? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it's the same thing that when you talk to certain people, they don't get technology. | ||
| They're not informed as much as other people. | ||
| Is that nature or is that nurture? | ||
| To me and to you, when we look at gadgets and new things, Brian will find some new thing online, like, holy shit, look at this, and they'll send it to me or I'll send something to him. | ||
| You know, and you look at it, you're like, oh, what are they doing? | ||
| Look what they're doing with that. | ||
| This multi-touch fucking interface, like, minority report type shit or anything. | ||
| Anything new thing. | ||
| That stuff becomes fascinating, man. | ||
| I think, though, the later, the more we kind of kill off a certain age group of people that didn't grow, I think the more people are going to research for themselves religion and stuff like that. | ||
| And I think religion is probably, their future of religion is probably going to be a lot different in, say, the next hundred years than it's ever been in ever. | ||
| I think it's probably more people have realized how ridiculous it is now than ever before. | ||
| I don't think there's ever been more questioners, and there's probably never been more options either. | ||
| With Scientology and the Moonies and anything else, and new ones that are popping up left and right, there's all these new ideologies that are popping up left and right. | ||
| People are offering new alternatives. | ||
| And it can't last. | ||
| There's going to come a point in time where we know the truth. | ||
| It's not going to be something that we have to wonder and make a judgment call on. | ||
| It's going to be like, oh, I know you're full of shit. | ||
| Oh, I know you're lying. | ||
| Oh, I know the information you're giving me is not truthful. | ||
| I can read this and I can understand this. | ||
| We have an intuitive sense of what's wrong and what's right. | ||
| And we also have an intuitive sense of when people are lying. | ||
| When someone is not being honest with you or when... | ||
| You ever be talking to someone and you know that they're secretly hoping that something goes wrong with you? | ||
| Like there's some secret hate? | ||
| You ever been talking to someone... | ||
| On the internet every day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But you know that feeling where somebody really is like, they're being douchey to you. | ||
| Like there's something there. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And you can't describe it, but you get a feeling from them. | ||
| You know, there's instinctual feelings that we have. | ||
| And deception is a big one, man. | ||
| That's a big one. | ||
| When someone's being deceptive and someone's lying to you, does that not drive you fucking bananas? | ||
| Doesn't that drive you crazy? | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean, but you have to also think that the reason why this person's acting like this or something like that is because it's something that they don't like that you've done to them or that's something that you do. | ||
| Maybe, but that's not always the case. | ||
| Sometimes it's their own shortcomings that's causing them to be insecure. | ||
| I mean, you know, I mean, we were talking about earlier, this girl that's upset at this other girl, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I mean, think about that. | ||
| I mean, what is that? | ||
| Where's that coming from? | ||
| That's not, and no one did anything wrong there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, it's like sometimes it's their own shortcomings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's people choosing you over another person. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's someone seeing something that someone else has and saying, well, that should be me. | ||
| How come this guy is successful? | ||
| How come this girl is so happy and I'm not? | ||
| They get angry. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of shit to human beings that's not logical. | ||
| But we can feel that. | ||
| When you're talking to someone and you... | ||
| I mean, how many times you talk to a dude... | ||
| I've talked to a bunch of dudes where I know there's some weird jealousy hate thing when I'm talking to them. | ||
| I try to just be as nice and friendly as possible and like, listen man, we're just meeting for the first time. | ||
| I don't really know you. | ||
| Don't make this a personal issue. | ||
| You think you have this rivalry with me because you see me on television and you don't like the fact that I'm doing something you want to do. | ||
| But I'm just a dude. | ||
| You're a dude. | ||
| I'm a dude. | ||
| And the reality is I'm not taking your job. | ||
| The reality is I got this job. | ||
| And the other reality is you can get something like it too. | ||
| You can become exactly like me, except your own version of it. | ||
| Anybody can do it. | ||
| Anybody can be successful in any area that they pursue. | ||
| You just have to figure out your way through the fucking path. | ||
| It is possible. | ||
| Look, Muggsy Bogues was a fucking basketball player who was 5'6". | ||
| Anything's possible. | ||
| It just has to be your own path. | ||
| And I think human beings especially have a real problem being jealous of other people and being upset at other people. | ||
| But my point is that you can feel that when someone does that to you. | ||
| And we're going to be able to tell when people are lying. | ||
| We're eventually going to be able to tell. | ||
| That's for sure something that's evolving in us with language and with consciousness. | ||
| We're figuring out deceptive behavior. | ||
| We're figuring it out because we understand it, we recognize it in ourselves. | ||
| And the more truthful you are, the more easy it is to pick out lies in other people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And just so much information too. | ||
| Twitter alone has probably killed a million relationships. | ||
| And a million rumors too. | ||
| You pretty much can't do anything nowadays. | ||
| Imagine being married and imagine going to a bar and then you meet this girl and you start talking to her. | ||
| And somebody goes, oh hey, there's that person, takes a photo of you, puts it on their Twitter, now you are just being caught in front of five million people, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, right. | |
| It's like you can't, you pretty much have, we're going to all have to start wearing disguises like fake mustaches and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, you know what it's going to be? | ||
| It's going to be like that fucking movie with Tom Cruise. | ||
| What was that crazy movie? | ||
| One of Stanley Kubrick's last movies. | ||
| They all wore masks and they banged each other. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What the fuck was that? | ||
| With Nicole Kidman? | ||
| Yeah, with Nicole Kidman. | ||
| What the hell was that movie? | ||
| Somebody knows. | ||
| Stanley Kubrick. | ||
| Yeah, what was that? | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Somebody will fucking come up with it. | ||
| I'm just going to sit here until somebody comes up with it. | ||
| This chick says, don't cheat then. | ||
| How hilarious are you? | ||
| Jenna BBB. No, nobody knows the answer to this fucking movie. | ||
| What is this goddamn movie? | ||
| Eyes Wide Shut. | ||
| Thank you, sir. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Yeah, of course you shouldn't cheat, but the problem is dudes want to, and we're programmed to. | ||
| Well, it's not even cheating. | ||
| You could have just met this person at a bar, said hi, and just started talking, but... | ||
| You know, Mr. Camera Phone behind you took a picture of you and now you're fucking, you know, it doesn't, like, shit's all crazy now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't do anything. | |
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| But the reality is, the reason why it's an issue at all is that human beings, especially men, are wired to try to populate an entire village. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because that's how the best sperm survives. | ||
| And, you know, that's why all these crazy conqueror motherfuckers like Tiger Woods, you know, these guys that are so uber-competitive, that's why he had so many chicks, you know? | ||
| It's like, the guy's just doing nature. | ||
| He's spreading his seed. | ||
| If this was, you know, 2,000 years ago, that would be totally normal. | ||
| But it's like an offshoot, you know? | ||
| Get out of here, spouse. | ||
| It's an offshoot of, you know, a fucking warrior instincts, you know? | ||
| He's out there conquering, and then he's conquering, you know? | ||
| He's like doing what he's supposed to do. | ||
| He's like driving forward, you know? | ||
| Women are wired to grab a man and keep him for protection. | ||
| Yeah, that's true, too. | ||
| Yeah, that's definitely true. | ||
| Sex addiction is total bullshit. | ||
| Is it, you sex-addicted motherfucker? | ||
| I would have to disagree because I know some people that are totally addicted to sex in a different level than I am. | ||
| Yeah, you don't know, man. | ||
| You never met some friends of mine. | ||
| Did you ever talk about the ceramic or the lotion? | ||
| No. | ||
| You should talk about that. | ||
| I have a friend who used to do a thing called shooting. | ||
| And what he would do is he would get these running pants, like those really thin sort of like, it's almost like a nylon. | ||
| Yeah, silky. | ||
| Really silky running pants. | ||
| And he would literally rub the crotch with a fine grit sandpaper. | ||
| And then he would baby oil his balls and his shit, his junk, and baby oil everything. | ||
| So it's all nice and slippery. | ||
| So he takes this super thin... | ||
| Running pants, and he puts them on over his baby-oiled shit, and then he would go get lap dances. | ||
| And he would just shoot in his pants. | ||
| Because, you know, the girl would be hot, and she'd be riding on him, and his dick would get hard. | ||
| It was literally like sex. | ||
| Like, ugh... | ||
| He was obsessed with his work. | ||
| He has his own company, so he would work these long hours. | ||
| He was a very successful millionaire. | ||
| He had the whole thing. | ||
| Big fucking house in the hills. | ||
| He had the whole package. | ||
| He worked all day. | ||
| He had no time for relationships. | ||
| He had some bad experiences with women. | ||
| So he thought women were just trying to rip him off. | ||
| And this chick that he was dating, she wound up cheating on him. | ||
| And he got his heart crushed. | ||
| So he just decided to just go shooting. | ||
| And this would be his day. | ||
| He would go to work, work all day. | ||
| Then he would get something to eat. | ||
| And then he would go shooting. | ||
| Or he would go shooting on the way home. | ||
| And then he would get something to eat. | ||
| And then go to bed and do it all over again. | ||
| And that was his-- all of his relationships were lap dances. | ||
| And he got caught eventually, didn't he? | ||
| Well, he fucked up once and he went and he put too much baby oil on or I think he used lube and literally his pants were soaked. | ||
| And so the girl sat on him. | ||
| She's like, what the fuck? | ||
| She thought he pissed himself. | ||
| She's like, what are you doing? | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| He's like, oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| He said I was so embarrassed and he left and... | ||
| You know, he leaves with this puddle in his pants of baby oil and lube and it's like dripping into his socks and shit. | ||
| See, that's addiction. | ||
| That's sex addiction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I don't know. | |
| I mean, I think it's kind of like... | ||
| I mean, he's into massages. | ||
| He was into like being rewarded for his hard work. | ||
| He was into like fine food and massages. | ||
| And if prostitution was legal, he would just hire hookers. | ||
| If it was an acceptable, normal thing to do, like he lived in some foreign country where they allowed prostitution, he would just go to the prostitutes and get serviced and then go home. | ||
| There's a fucking... | ||
| I don't understand how people have allowed that to be illegal. | ||
| How do you stop that? | ||
| Why do you stop that? | ||
| Mostly health reasons, I think. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| You don't want fucking AIDS going rampant and everyone having herpes. | ||
| Really though? | ||
| I think it's gotta be that. | ||
| But if you go to brothels, they have to check those girls. | ||
| They test those girls. | ||
| If you go to a brothel in a country that's respectable, supposedly they're testing those girls just like they test porn stars. | ||
| I don't think it's a good argument because I think that if you're paying attention more, it's a lot safer than if it's some fucking underground thing where these... | ||
| There's probably a lot of violence that comes with it, too, though. | ||
| People going a little bit too far and raping a person. | ||
| Yeah, but wouldn't it be safer if they did it in a brothel where there's security and when people get screened and they know someone's not crazy and they have security there everywhere? | ||
| I mean, that makes much more sense to me than some poor girl who has to put a fucking ad in some magazine and then show up. | ||
| You remember that girl that came to the comedy store one night? | ||
| We talked to her and she said she was a hooker? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And she would respond to ads? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And she would only go to them, right? | ||
| She wouldn't let them come to her? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| She would go to them so that she had an address, you know, and she would tell her friend, hey, this is where I went, so if anything happens to me, I don't... | ||
| Come back, you know, somebody killed me. | ||
| And she would go to these people's places and she would fuck them. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| She was super honest about it. | ||
| You remember that shit? | ||
| What was it? | ||
| She was a meth head? | ||
| She acted like a meth head. | ||
| But she told us. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I think she said she did meth. | ||
| If you had a real brothel, I think there would be a lot less crime. | ||
| There would be certainly way less rapes if dudes would just get laid. | ||
| People would settle down. | ||
| When you really did fall in love and you're really with a woman, there wouldn't be this overwhelming desire to be with someone just to have sex. | ||
| Because you could always have sex. | ||
| You could just pay for it if you wanted to. | ||
| But being in a relationship would be a relationship where you really enjoy being with that person. | ||
| Especially if you live in a place where it's hard to get laid. | ||
| Like, if you live in Boston or something like that, it's hard to get laid in Boston. | ||
| It's not easy, man. | ||
| Those girls, what, you just wanna use me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just wanna use me and then you get in your car and you drive home? | |
| I didn't even know women were nice until I moved to California, man. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| It's true, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's true. | |
| It's totally true. | ||
| Such angry people on that side. | ||
| It's so goddamn cold. | ||
| It's cold. | ||
| It's just a goddamn disaster. | ||
| It's a lot of tension. | ||
| And a lot of people there are all, go get them too. | ||
| They moved their immigrants. | ||
| You know, their grandparents were immigrants, and they moved there from another country. | ||
| That's some serious go-getter shit. | ||
| Take all your stuff, pack it, get in a boat, sail across the fucking world, and start in some new place, and learn the language, and learn, you know, how to... | ||
| I mean, that's how go-getter these people were. | ||
| So the people that initially came to this country on the East Coast, those are all savages. | ||
| And the people that went west are all the people that wanted to get away from the savages. | ||
| All the people were like, these fucking people are crazy, get me out of here, and they all took off. | ||
| And the furthest they could get was here. | ||
| That's why people in California are like the most laid back and the most progressive. | ||
| I mean, it literally is because they're the ones that are the ancestors of the ones that wanted to get the fuck away from where they were. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, totally. | |
| Go try the thin running pants next time you're in Houston. | ||
| I don't think so, man. | ||
| I think you probably still get diseases with thin running pants. | ||
| But, uh, listen, it's a fucking, it's an excellent possibility. | ||
| I should add that whole story to my whole Vegas routine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's totally true. | ||
| Joe always talks about 2012, new topics. | ||
| Who the fuck are you talking about, dummy? | ||
| I keep answering this chick's tweets. | ||
| When did we talk about 2012? | ||
| We didn't bring that up. | ||
| Shut up, Hooker! | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
| Shut your dirty, dirty mouth. | ||
| This guy says I use NaturallySpeaking 9.5 on the PC. It's pretty good. | ||
| I have a little bit of speech impediment due to my cerebral palsy. | ||
| You speak much clearer than I do, so you should have no problem. | ||
| I believe there's a new version. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| I wonder, though, if that's the PC one is better. | ||
| Does anybody know if the better PC one is better? | ||
| The PC one rather is better than the Mac one, or is it the exact same shit? | ||
| It would make no sense if the PC one's better. | ||
| It used to be that way. | ||
| It used to be that the PC one was better. | ||
| It definitely used to be. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| Now that Mac users are like 8% or 10% of the population or something, what is it now? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, what percentage is it, man? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| There's a mental game one can play called Channel the Alien, wherein one can find the answers to complex questions simply by visualizing an ancient alien from beyond pretending to channel the answers. | ||
| Try it sometime, you'll be surprised. | ||
| Okay, so what this guy is saying, this Holy Chaos 23, is that you can find the wise answers to things by pretending to channel an alien who has the wise answers. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about, son? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why did I even think about that? | |
| Where are you getting your weed, bitch? | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Because that shit is strong. | ||
| It's a little too strong for you. | ||
| You're off the track and into the woods, okay? | ||
| Your fucking train is knocking over trees right now. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| I guess I kind of see what you're saying, you know, and I sort of do that sometimes where I say to myself, okay, if I wasn't me, how would I advise myself? | ||
| And I pretend that I'm talking to a much more intelligent version of me guiding my life. | ||
| I do do that. | ||
| But I don't pretend it's a goddamn alien. | ||
| I just try to think of what is... | ||
| Objectively, separate myself from my life and what's the best advice I could give myself if I was smarter than I am. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just thought about it again and I'm mad at myself for trying to think about it twice. | |
| That's funny. | ||
| Dumbest shit ever. | ||
| I think you're silly, fella. | ||
| Channel the alien. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| Puny human. | ||
| The reason Red Band isn't paying attention is because you talk about the same shit every show. | ||
| Then don't tune in, faggot. | ||
| You don't have to like it. | ||
| It's all free, bitch. | ||
| Ron Jeremy fucked your roommate. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Somebody's roommate got fucked by Ron Jeremy. | ||
| I'm glad you like him, dude. | ||
| Alright, let's go to page one and see what questions we've got here. | ||
| How do you think the world would turn out if it were to be divided by believers and non-believers? | ||
| Would the believers eventually end up just raping and murdering the non-believers into their cult? | ||
| I hate these questions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The real problem with believing and non-believing is that nobody fucking knows. | ||
| You don't know and nobody knows. | ||
| You shouldn't be a goddamn believer. | ||
| We should be a questioner. | ||
| We should try to figure things out. | ||
| But whenever anybody tells you they got the answers, that person is either full of shit or they want your money. | ||
| Period. | ||
| No one has the answers. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| Have I listened to any Daniel Dennett's lectures? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know who Daniel Dennett is. | ||
| Do you know who Daniel Dennett is? | ||
| No. | ||
| I will never find that out. | ||
| You're going to have to give me some more information, son. | ||
| More information. | ||
| See that dude go off on me about the last podcast about politics? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He emailed me. | ||
| He made a thread about it. | ||
| He fucking tried to contact me on something I am. | ||
| It's an interesting topic because I go back and forth on it and I agree with you to a certain extent. | ||
| It really is silly. | ||
| You can waste so much of your energy thinking about politics, but then the argument is we're supposed to be governing ourselves in this country and that you get the option to vote and you get the right to express your opinion and you can actually change the world. | ||
| But I don't know if you can. | ||
| I'm not completely convinced at this point. | ||
| With the amount of money that they're able to contribute to campaign funds that giant corporations are able to, they're literally shaping the way people see things. | ||
| They're putting ads and manipulating people's thoughts and getting people to believe things that aren't necessarily true, all so that they can push a certain agenda so that somebody can make money. | ||
| I mean, the situation is totally corrupt. | ||
| I mean, so much money is involved in politics now and so much money is involved in, you know, in running the world. | ||
| And, you know, just look at what Obama's done with all this fucking bailouts and this... | ||
| When you look at this whole healthcare system thing, someone has to be making money. | ||
| There's no way they'd be putting this much effort into this whole healthcare thing if it was just about, you know, keeping the people healthy and making sure that people have medical coverage. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| There's money involved in it. | ||
| It's corruption. | ||
| It's going to get crazy. | ||
| And it's a goddamn money grab, just like the bailout is. | ||
| And it's all very, very boring to me. | ||
| And the real thing about it is, it does get boring. | ||
| The real thing about it is you can never have all the information. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| And it's a trap. | ||
| I care about the things I want to care about, about the government. | ||
| Meaning if they've decided to make a bill about banning the internet or that cats are going to be illegal, then I'll care about that part of it. | ||
| But I'm not going to sit there and try to figure out everything from A to Z about our government and freak out about it because you know what? | ||
| I'm freaking out about my mail being delivered today. | ||
| I have my own shit. | ||
| And if I did that, I'll just be an angry person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| Fuck that shit. | ||
| Yeah, I agree with you. | ||
| I see your point. | ||
| But people could also argue that that's apathy. | ||
| People could say that that's what's wrong with this country, that people don't care. | ||
| But I say that until someone acknowledges the fact that this system is broken, we need a radical overhaul of this system, a complete restructuring of the way we do business in this country. | ||
| It's called moving to Canada. | ||
| It's not even moving to Canada because they're corrupt too. | ||
| There's a big fucking, there's a big scandal. | ||
| The Minister of Finance, I believe, is involved in a big scandal in Canada. | ||
| People are corrupt, man. | ||
| It's human beings. | ||
| People are less corrupt in places where people are less ambitious, like Canada, where people are more laid back and friendlier. | ||
| You know, and that's one of the things that's cool about Canada. | ||
| People are just like, they're less crazy up there. | ||
| They're a little cooler, a little calmer. | ||
| You know, I think that... | ||
| I think you could waste your whole life trying to understand this system and be a part of it and argue it and go to court and it will become your everything. | ||
| And it's a system that we're born into. | ||
| We're born into this system that we did not choose. | ||
| We have no control of and it's so comprehensive and so fucking intertwined that just to study, a single branch of it would take up all of your time. | ||
| If you just wanted to understand the stock market, that shit would take up every fucking hour of every day of your life just trying to figure out how all that shit worked. | ||
| And even then, look at that fucking guy, that Bernie Madoff motherfucker. | ||
| That guy was ripping off people who understood the business. | ||
| That guy ripped off everybody. | ||
| He ripped off millionaires and shit. | ||
| He ripped off fucking Steven Spielberg. | ||
| He ripped off all these really big name people. | ||
| So that means nobody knows how it works. | ||
| Nobody understands that thing. | ||
| Could you imagine if your whole life is dedicated to studying the stock market, you're a supposed expert, people ask you for advice, and meanwhile you got fucked. | ||
| It's a goddamn con game. | ||
| Nobody understands it. | ||
| Fuck politics. | ||
| It's not politics we're talking about, man. | ||
| We're talking about the whole system. | ||
| We're talking about money. | ||
| We're talking about everything. | ||
| And we're talking about this attitude of fuck politics. | ||
| It's like, what can be done? | ||
| That's the big question. | ||
| What can be done to make the world better? | ||
| If you had any say in trying to figure out what direction we could go to make everything easier for everybody, what would you do? | ||
| Have everything make a lot more sense. | ||
| Because right now, everything from the schools, the taxing, everything about the government makes no sense to the average person. | ||
| But if they can have a website you have to go to every day and go, okay guys, today's topic of the day. | ||
| Do you think that slavery is legal? | ||
| Yes, no. | ||
| And then have the whole country vote right there. | ||
| Make it super planned out and easy. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Because right now, No one gives a fuck what's going on on the Wall Street. | ||
| Right, but when you start talking about education and money and stuff like that, you get into really complex subjects. | ||
| It's not that simple as having people vote. | ||
| Because then you run into the same issue. | ||
| People just put out propaganda. | ||
| Oh, if slavery's not legal, that means the Iraqis will attack us and they'll rape your baby. | ||
| And next thing you know, slavery's legal again. | ||
| I mean, people are dumb, man. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| But it should be a vote, though, system. | ||
| Because right now, it's like no one gives a fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No one knows what's going on. | |
| Right, but if it's a vote online... | ||
| If there's a vote online whether or not you should be killed tonight, right now, if people watch this podcast, maybe 60% of the people would want you dead. | ||
| For real, that's how crazy people are. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You can't allow people to have a decision. | ||
| That's why all this shit's all broken anyway. | ||
| You can't fix it no matter what me, Red Band, thinks about fucking any of this. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| It's going to happen the way it's... | ||
| You just called yourself by your internet name. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's from that thread. | ||
| Everyone was calling me like a third person. | ||
| Who cares about a red band? | ||
| It was designed for Mac computers and cats. | ||
| I agree completely. | ||
| Who the fuck cares? | ||
| I can't change anything. | ||
| Even if I could, one person, I don't want to dip up my life to see if I could or not. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about that. | ||
| It's like baseball to me. | ||
| The real problem is it does take away from everything that you enjoy. | ||
| People say, you have to fight for your rights. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Why don't you just have your rights? | ||
| That's the real goddamn problem. | ||
| The real problem is that I have to think about this fucked up system at all. | ||
| That it's so broken, you have to keep an eye on it 24 hours a day because people are just stealing and getting us into fucking wars and making terrible decisions. | ||
| And they'll blame it on all these troubles that are happening in other countries. | ||
| But when you start fucking reading into it and you find out the shit that we do that causes all these troubles, you know, god damn, no wonder why everybody fucking hates us. | ||
| We got our dirty little fingers in everything. | ||
| So it's like, it's not me. | ||
| It's not me that has my dirty little fingers in Afghanistan and Iraq and, you know, and fucking all sorts of shit that goes on in third world countries. | ||
| And it's not you either. | ||
| You should be able to fucking pursue what you want to do. | ||
| And the idea that you have to go over there and kill some people to do that, it's just... | ||
| Damn, in 2010, we pretend like you go to Australia, like when we went to Australia recently. | ||
| Dude, people in Australia are so fucking cool. | ||
| They're so fun to be around. | ||
| They're such a friendly culture. | ||
| What if we decided to go to war with Australia? | ||
| How nutty would that be? | ||
| All of a sudden, we're supposed to be tricked into believing that we have a problem. | ||
| With this continent that we've never been to. | ||
| It will probably happen in our lifetime. | ||
| If it didn't, I mean, it's because we're going to war together as a group against some other motherfuckers. | ||
| I mean, that's really the only reason why we're not. | ||
| It's because we've decided to band up and go jack these fools and take their shit. | ||
| But it's amazing that our system... | ||
| There's no other system, though. | ||
| I mean, when you get 300 million people in place, what the fuck? | ||
| There's no other model of how to run a 300 million person empire and to do it correctly where people think it's fair. | ||
| Because people are just, it's part of life is an intelligence test. | ||
| And part of the intelligence test is how susceptible are you to manipulation? | ||
| You know, I mean, literally, it's like a game. | ||
| It's like there's people like these evangelists that you see, you know, at three o'clock in the morning that are fucking talking a certain cadence and like, especially that black guy with the hot dog rolls in the back of his neck, you know the guy I'm talking about? | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| That motherfucker is always, you know, spouting out some Bible shit, but he's doing it so charismatic and he's sweating like a pig and everybody in the audience is going bananas and It's an intelligence test. | ||
| The intelligence test is, do you believe? | ||
| This guy is so confident, he's speaking so clearly. | ||
| Do you believe what he's saying? | ||
| Because if you do, you're a dumbass. | ||
| He's just tricking you by being so confident in what he's saying. | ||
| And that's what it really is. | ||
| It's like, this whole world is like a gigantic intelligence test. | ||
| And even at the highest level, people are failing left and right. | ||
| If you start getting into these, you know, the Republicans want to control the House, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Like, look what you're talking about. | ||
| You're talking about nonsense. | ||
| If everybody just stepped back and said, this is all nonsense. | ||
| This whole thing sucks. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| We're not going to fucking keep going with Windows 95. Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Okay, Windows 95 sucks. | ||
| We need some new shit, okay? | ||
| Do you have NT? Do you have Windows 2000? | ||
| Where's Vista? | ||
| Where's Windows 7, you motherfuckers? | ||
| Where's Mac OS? Windows Me. | ||
| Oh, that was a dark, dark time in American history. | ||
| You know, we need a better operating system. | ||
| And the problem is we don't. | ||
| We just keep patching up the same stupid fucking system we've always had. | ||
| So what do you do? | ||
| Do you sit back? | ||
| No, you don't move. | ||
| Because if you move, they're going to be under control of some other motherfuckers. | ||
| Yeah, but how I look at it is if you have a neighbor's dog that's barking. | ||
| You can either sit there and deal with it for as long, but once it gets too bad, you have to do something about it. | ||
| And so that's how I feel about it. | ||
| If I still wake up and everything's fine, nothing's really affecting me. | ||
| On an everyday basis, enough to care about it, then I'll be fine. | ||
| But if something fucking crazy happens, like they decide to do something that's going to affect me, then I'll just be like, you know what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you. | |
| I'll move on. | ||
| Because I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I'm not like United States for the rest of my life. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I'm sure living in Australia is part of- When you move a bunch of times, move around a bunch of times in this country, you realize the United States doesn't have one mentality. | ||
| And then when you move or when you travel to other places, you're like, God, I could live here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I can easily live on England. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a huge planet. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, England is pretty dope. | ||
| I like living in it. | ||
| The weather kind of sucks. | ||
| It rains a lot. | ||
| But dude, people are fun as fuck. | ||
| I enjoy it there. | ||
| I love doing shows in England. | ||
| England is fucking fun. | ||
| You know, you could live in England. | ||
| You could live in Australia. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| You would have no problem in Sydney, dude. | ||
| You'd have to wear sunscreen. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| They get no ozone layered up there. | ||
| Everybody gets jacked. | ||
| Skin cancer runs rampant. | ||
| They have these big ads on billboards about skin cancer. | ||
| It's everywhere, dude. | ||
| It's a real problem. | ||
| But dude, people are friendly. | ||
| The weather's beautiful. | ||
| The coastline's gorgeous. | ||
| They have no problem there. | ||
| The idea that this one fucking place, from one ocean to another ocean, that's like so 5,000 years ago. | ||
| That we're fighting for our land. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Especially in America to think that. | ||
| When you're a citizen in America, you are just like riding in the balls of the dick that's fucking the world. | ||
| You're just a part of this gigantic machine that's just bone in the world. | ||
| Two planes come over here and smash into buildings and we lose our marbles. | ||
| And we wind up killing a million civilians in Iraq and justifying it that we're keeping ourselves safe over here. | ||
| It's fucking nuts, man. | ||
| What's the answer, goddammit? | ||
| What's the answer, internet people? | ||
| What's the answer, Twitter people? | ||
| There's no goddamn answer. | ||
| There's no goddamn fucking answer. | ||
| It doesn't exist. | ||
| If you lose your marbles, you can't buy new ones because they don't make them anymore. | ||
| Yeah, the marble industry is way out of business, man. | ||
| Yeah, pretty soon, I think it's almost going to be like how the internet kind of... | ||
| In the old days, I wasn't talking to people from England every day, and Australia, and that kind of broke that wall. | ||
| I think in the future, there's not going to... | ||
| Like, once religion kind of fizzles out a little bit more, I think even just countries are going to fizzle out more, because we're probably going to be just teleporting to Japan every day, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like... | |
| Hey, I'm going to go to Japan. | ||
| I'll be right back. | ||
| Well, boundaries are definitely dissolving. | ||
| The only thing that keeps us in this one idea is travel. | ||
| It's difficult to get in planes. | ||
| Then when you land, you have to be screened. | ||
| What's the next plane? | ||
| What's the next jet plane? | ||
| It's probably going to be something like sending our brainwaves to another body in Japan that We have like a backup body. | ||
| And if we get to a position where we talked about before like you know we talked about like Twitter and Facebook and this connectivity that people share right now. | ||
| It's like we're connected so much more now than we've ever been before. | ||
| If we really do get to a place where no secrets We'll exist. | ||
| Where everyone will know everything. | ||
| You'll be able to read each other's minds. | ||
| We'll be able to access each other's information. | ||
| Maybe that's the only way we'll ever really have a real government. | ||
| When we'll really realize that we really can't bullshit things. | ||
| That we need to have to come clean about the fact that we live in a crazy dictatorship that's dressed up as a democracy where these gigantic corporations are making millions of dollars and we just have to just accept the fact that we're under their rule. | ||
| It's the same way They accepted the fact when they lived in fucking England, they were under the rule of the king and all these different countries that are controlled by monarchs. | ||
| They have to accept that. | ||
| It's clean and they know what the fuck it is. | ||
| Like in Thailand, there's a goddamn king, period. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| There's a king and you gotta deal with that shit and you can't talk shit about him. | ||
| And maybe it's either that or we realize we can't do that anymore. | ||
| We realize we can't live like this anymore. | ||
| Maybe that's the only thing that's gonna save us. | ||
| Maybe it is technology. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Maybe it'll get the people who are actually running things to realize how ridiculous it is when everybody knows they're bullshit. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's a fucking... | ||
| It's a tricky situation. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stupid. | |
| We are completely headed towards an age where lies and deception will fade away, yet we will never understand all of everything. | ||
| I think that's what we were just talking about, so that's... | ||
| It's contradictory? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| But we're just talking about what's here right now and what may or may not be possible in the future. | ||
| I mean, the idea that we're going to get to an age where everything is connected, that really is speculation, man. | ||
| I mean, we don't really know if we're ever going to get that far. | ||
| We don't know if we're going to get hit by a gigantic meteor or fucking polar ice caps or shift. | ||
| I mean, when you look at the history of the Earth, who the fuck knows what the hell is going to happen to us, you know? | ||
| There's always some new shit going down. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You know what the nuttiest thing about, like I was watching these solar system documentaries today? | ||
| The nuttiest thing is how many different planets have been hit by planets. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like there was a thing on Uranus about how they recognized there's rings around Uranus and they believed it was some sort of a collision. | ||
| And they were talking about moons colliding. | ||
| And eventually Uranus' moons, they're real close to each other, eventually going to slam into each other. | ||
| Like, God damn! | ||
| Can you imagine if we realized that Earth was getting hit by a planet if it was like a hundred years away? | ||
| If we saw a planet... | ||
|
unidentified
|
A hundred years? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, how long would it take for a planet to hit us? | ||
| I mean, like, I think they were saying that Uranus' year, like a year in Uranus is like hundreds of years. | ||
| I think it was 160. I don't remember what it was. | ||
| It was a bunch of years. | ||
| Their winter alone was like 60 plus years. | ||
| I think that's what they were saying. | ||
| How many... | ||
| You know, that's a long-ass time. | ||
| How many years would we be able to recognize if a planet was headed our way? | ||
| Like if there was an inter... | ||
| Like an inter-solar system intruder. | ||
| Like a planet that's in another solar system... | ||
| I think it seems like it would be faster. | ||
| It just seems like it would just happen faster for some reason. | ||
| Even though it probably isn't, you know? | ||
| But why would it seem like that if it takes a year for the Earth to go around the Sun, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Doesn't it? | ||
| Isn't that what the whole deal is? | ||
| Well, I mean, it's like... | ||
| The Earth spins in a day and goes around the sun in a year. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's pretty goddamn close. | ||
| It takes us a year to go around. | ||
| If some shit was coming in from another planet, it wouldn't come that fast, would it? | ||
| Unless we're moving towards it as it's moving towards us. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| The point is, that's happened. | ||
| That literally has happened to Earth. | ||
| There used to be Earth 1, which was just a different planet, and then it got hit by a planet, and that created the moon. | ||
| Fucking nuts, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That would end all the bullshit. | ||
| All the Tiger Woods, all the Jesse James, all the fucking healthcare and teabaggers and, you know, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. | ||
| All that shit would just stop if we saw a giant planet in the sky that got a little bigger every day. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| Could you imagine... | ||
| It'd probably be pretty cool if it wasn't going to hit in your lifetime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| It'd probably be pretty sweet. | ||
| Like, look at the death moon coming. | ||
| It sucks to be you, son. | ||
| People would just die of heart attacks. | ||
| And then other people would just go raping and pillaging and murdering. | ||
| There would be... | ||
| A bunch of different things would happen. | ||
| There would be people that would live like just savages. | ||
| They would just commit all sorts of incredible atrocities and steal and do all kinds of other shit. | ||
| And then there'd be people that would just become total hippies. | ||
| Just have orgies and be more straight love. | ||
| That's probably what more people would probably do, I'd probably imagine. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Do you think so? | ||
| People would probably be like 9, 11 times a million just being sad. | ||
| There'd probably be so many specials on TV about it and songs. | ||
| Man, religion would pick up like a motherfucker. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| They would figure out some passage in the Bible that related to this and that they figured out a way to connect the two of them together. | ||
| God damn, that would be incredible. | ||
| That's so possible. | ||
| That's happened. | ||
| It's happened in other solar systems. | ||
| I'm sure it's happened here. | ||
| It could happen in our lifetime. | ||
| That would be fucking bonkers, man. | ||
| If we saw it like it was 10 years away. | ||
| Like we have a real issue. | ||
| Would they even tell us? | ||
| There would be rumors on the internet. | ||
| I don't think they would tell us. | ||
| I don't think anybody would talk about it. | ||
| Let's see what other questions we've got up in this bitch. | ||
| I think my cat just took a shit in there so it might smell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woohoo! | |
| I heard a lot of scratching. | ||
| But you're a cat, man, anyway. | ||
| Hey, MayhemMiller12, when you say Joe is being a dick, I'm telling you, it's distracting to me, and it keeps me from being able to do this podcast well. | ||
| I asked him to not do it. | ||
| So, you're being a dick. | ||
| I wasted my question on religious bullshit. | ||
| Marbles are not dead. | ||
| Wow, the marble world is still huge, apparently. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, let's go with the questions here. | |
| What are the best substitute for the current monetary system? | ||
| This dude wants to know. | ||
| Who the fuck knows, right? | ||
| I don't think you can have shit out there in the fucking... | ||
| Numbers in computers, it's got to represent something, right? | ||
| The problem with money is it doesn't really represent anything. | ||
| It kind of represents more ideas than anything. | ||
| It's not like one piece of gold is $1 and that piece of gold is sitting in an account somewhere and you can go cash your $100 bill in for 100 pieces of gold. | ||
| It has to mean something. | ||
| You can't have just all numbers in computers. | ||
| Because people just can fuck you, you know? | ||
| Like, you've been going through, I don't know how much you want to talk about this, but you've been going through some bullshit with the IRS where they, you know, they audit you and fuck with you and go into your... | ||
| I mean, numbers and, like, storing numbers and how much numbers did you put on this and how many numbers went to that and... | ||
| It's politics to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| Yeah, my brain does not care about any of that shit. | ||
| But that's how I've always been with that. | ||
| Anything that I'm forced to do almost, I almost don't care about. | ||
| Yeah, well that's sort of one of the reasons why people sort of become artistic in the first place. | ||
| I think one of the reasons why people become artistic is because You know, you're fighting against a bunch of shit you don't like and you go against the grain and you wind up doing something that's totally unconventional. | ||
| You know, that's how people become musicians and comedians and artists and stuff. | ||
| On the side street, off the path. | ||
| Yeah, that's why it's so weird when, like, a comedian enters into the world of politics or something like that, like Al Franken. | ||
| Al Franken. | ||
| Yeah, that's strange. | ||
| But that dude is like a serious historian. | ||
| You know, like, that seems like it's sort of like a project for him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, he really knows a lot of shit. | |
| What about our kids? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What about our kids, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck is gonna happen? | |
| What is gonna happen? | ||
| No one knows, man. | ||
| It's a strange world we live in. | ||
| It's a strange world. | ||
| That's the weirdest thing. | ||
| When you have kids, you start wondering, like, how is this little person gonna be How are they gonna be happy in this crazy world as it gets nuttier and nuttier and more goddamn earthquakes? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Earthquake in Baja, Mexico a couple days, big one in Indonesia today. | ||
| I mean, we're having earthquakes everywhere, dude. | ||
| It's getting really weird, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's like whoever opened up the treasure chest from Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark, you know, it seems like something fucked up happened. | ||
| I know, isn't it weird how many people want to think that it's because of, like, US government experiments that they're creating earthquakes? | ||
| Like, how nutty is that? | ||
| How nutty is that idea that the U.S. government is like, I know what we need to do. | ||
| We need to start causing earthquakes everywhere. | ||
| It's hilarious, though. | ||
| I mean, it's hilarious how many people want to believe nutty shit like that when it comes to anything that's happening. | ||
| They always want to find someone, some human who's pulling the strings in some gigantic diabolical scheme. | ||
| You know, a diabolical scheme with an earthquake machine. | ||
| They're just pointing it at all these third world countries and just fucking people up. | ||
| Like, how hilarious is that? | ||
| What a nutty-ass way to look at the world. | ||
| You know, I don't think that's what's happening. | ||
| I think that the Earth is getting very pissed off at us. | ||
| I think, you know, it's about time. | ||
| It's shaking us off, you know? | ||
| Not really consciously, but I think shit like this just happens, you know? | ||
| I mean, look at what's going on on the Moon. | ||
| There's craters all over the Moon and nobody ever did anything bad on the Moon. | ||
| The moon is just another little planet. | ||
| Shit happens. | ||
| Volcanoes erupt all over the world. | ||
| Earthquakes happen. | ||
| The topography of lifeless planets constantly changes. | ||
| It's going. | ||
| Is it... | ||
| That we're having more earthquakes right now, or it's just that we have Twitter? | ||
| Could be that, too. | ||
| Could be that. | ||
| I don't really know, to be honest with you. | ||
| All I know is what I'm hearing, that I'm hearing about them more than I ever heard about them before, but I've not looked at it at all. | ||
| I've done no research. | ||
| It does seem like we're hearing about it way more than we ever heard about it before. | ||
| Yeah, but we also have more information pumped through our eyeballs every day than we've ever had in our life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ten years ago, I would only have found out on my Laserdisc player. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, you would have found out ten years ago if it was really big in the newspaper. | ||
| People would be blowing up my pager. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I found a page the other day that I used to have that my dog had bitten into. | ||
| It's all fucked up and jacked. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know, man. | ||
| You know, I got no answers to that. | ||
| I don't know if it's happening more or if there's more information. | ||
| But there's definitely more information. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| That's 100%. | ||
| Whether or not the earthquakes are happening more. | ||
| It just seems like they are, man. | ||
| Everybody's scared. | ||
| I'm about to lose a shitload of viewers' lost darts. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| We're about at two hours anyway, and that's the way we like to end it. | ||
| So we'll have one more topic, try to end it well, and then we'll close it off. | ||
| Is it weird that you're so into conspiracies but hate movies that have a twist ending? | ||
| I don't hate movies that have a twist ending. | ||
| I love fucking movies with a good twisty ending that I didn't see coming. | ||
| What I don't like is when movies fake me out and they say, oh, it was just a dream. | ||
| That drives me bonkers. | ||
| And I'm not really into conspiracies. | ||
| I'm into the real conspiracy. | ||
| There's real things that people have conspired, like Enron and... | ||
| The problem with the whole term conspiracy theory is you bring it up. | ||
| Someone talks about conspiracy theories and they bring it up automatically. | ||
| Any rational person, any thinking person does not want to be associated with conspiracy theories. | ||
| Because conspiracy theories make you seem like a loon. | ||
| Conspiracy theories, the way it's been labeled, make it seem like you're a silly, frivolous person. | ||
| You believe in ridiculous shit. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, well I think if you just tag it with the conspiracy theory name, but I think if you don't believe the conspiracies but you think that's an interesting approach to an idea or something. | ||
| Like people that just think 9-11 was done by our own government and they don't think anything else and stuff like that, that's a sick way to think of anything. | ||
| You should never put all your eggs in one basket type thing. | ||
| Putting all your eggs in one basket is a real problem. | ||
| We've talked about that before with our friends with certain subjects. | ||
| People love for there to be mysteries that they can unsolve. | ||
| They love for there to be some hidden information that they can unsolve, whether it's about 9-11 or about anything. | ||
| But the reality is, unless you really, really, really research shit, most people are just talking out of their ass when it comes to these subjects. | ||
| And when you do start researching shit, you realize, well, you can't just blanketly discount Or discredit all conspiracy theories just because it seems like a ridiculous thing because a lot of them are fucking real. | ||
| The Gulf of Tonkin, the fucking Operation Northwoods. | ||
| There's a lot of different shit that the government has done and different companies have done. | ||
| Cigarette companies have conspired to hide the facts about tobacco and to make sure that people keep smoking them and people are addicted. | ||
| This motherfucker is hook, line, and sinker with the cigarettes. | ||
| You're locked in. | ||
| How many smoked today? | ||
| Three. | ||
| Does that drive you bonkers? | ||
| No, because it's relaxing when I smoke a cigarette. | ||
| But you don't worry about your health? | ||
| If every time I smoke a cigarette and my lips caught on fire, then I would hate it. | ||
| What about our friend that just died? | ||
| Stuff like that, thinking about your body just giving out on you that doesn't drive you nuts? | ||
| Well, I think it does to a point, definitely. | ||
| But I also think, shit, I might fucking have skin cancer right now and I don't even know about it. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| You either think about death all the time or you don't. | ||
| So the Red Band approach is just to live life casual and carefree. | ||
| Just live life, be a happy person. | ||
| And let everybody else fight your wars and do battle. | ||
| Just let everyone else stress the fuck out. | ||
| Let everyone stress the fuck out. | ||
| Do you ever worry about your, do you ever think rather about, not worry, but do you ever consider your position in this world? | ||
| Or do you just try to just live? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think about anything like that at all. | |
| So you don't think about life? | ||
| I think about my happiness, and that's pretty much what I think about. | ||
| Making sure that I'm happy and people are happy around me. | ||
| I just want to be a happy person. | ||
| And I want my friends to be happy. | ||
| But do I care about anything else, like fucking cancer or anything like that? | ||
| I try not to. | ||
| So when the stormtroopers come, you're just gonna pack a bag and run to the hills? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| I don't give a fuck about borders, like your own joke. | ||
| It's interesting, you know, because people can, you know, you can criticize that, you can say that's apathy, you know, like this discussion that we had on the board, but I don't think they're right. | ||
| I don't think they're right. | ||
| I think at a certain point in time, it is a foolish notion to try to control a corrupt system. | ||
| It's a foolish notion. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I can see both sides of it. | ||
| I can see people saying, well, if everybody thought that way, there'd be no government, and it'd be, oh, this is bullshit, you know, you have to fucking stand up. | ||
| I can see that argument, but I can also see yours, man. | ||
| I see your argument. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| Ari has that same argument. | ||
| Ari says, why do I care? | ||
| It's not going to affect me. | ||
| Why do I care? | ||
| And in a certain way, it really doesn't. | ||
| But in a certain way, it does. | ||
| Like, social things. | ||
| Like, you know, Obama not going after the medical marijuana. | ||
| That makes a big difference to me. | ||
| You know, that's big to me. | ||
| Like, real state issues. | ||
| Like, legalizing medical marijuana in the state of California, that's something worth fucking voting for. | ||
| That was a huge thing. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| That's a real issue that got resolved, and it changed a lot of people's lives. | ||
| And it changed the whole climate of California. | ||
| People are way more relaxed. | ||
| People are way chiller. | ||
| You know, the access to weed is through the roof. | ||
| There's never been more access to weed in this country, ever, than right now. | ||
| That's a real issue that was resolved by voting. | ||
| So it's almost like state voting, voting on state issues like that where you can actually pick the issue. | ||
| Like, that's real shit. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Local politics seem to be real. | ||
| This is the reason why California is so in debt. | ||
| We got an actor to be the fucking governor. | ||
| We went with a dude that seemed like he was a no-nonsense actor and we took this fucking dude who was an action film star and we made him the governor and shit just hit the fan. | ||
| Hit the fan running. | ||
| It's fascinating. | ||
| Because politics on a local level seem to be real. | ||
| But politics on a national level, yeah, it doesn't seem very fucking real. | ||
| The end. | ||
| That's the end of this podcast, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Brian's good for two hours. | ||
| That's good, yeah. | ||
| He starts fading. | ||
| He needs his coffee and a binky. | ||
| So, thank you very much for tuning in, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| And don't you worry about me and Brian and our argument. | ||
| I love this little fucker. | ||
| And he loves me too. | ||
| We're just trying to make sure that the podcast goes well. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| There's no hate. | ||
| We've been friends for ages. | ||
| Thank you for everything. | ||
| We will see you guys next week. | ||
| I gotta go to Abu Dhabi this week for the UFC. That shit's gonna be crazy. | ||
| I've never been to the United Arab Emirates before, but it should be fascinating. | ||
| I'll have some pictures, and for sure I'll have some stories, definitely. | ||
| And I'll see you bitches next week. | ||
| So thank you very much for tuning in. | ||
| Follow us on Twitter. | ||
| Brian only has a few thousand Twitter followers, and he's very, very upset about that. | ||
| He's at RedBan, R-E-B-B-A-N. He's very upset about your Twitter followers. | ||
| I'm so upset. | ||
| How many do you have right now? | ||
| Actually, I just got like a hundred recently. | ||
| I don't know if it's because of the DVD or what. | ||
| Oh, is it on the DVD as well? | ||
| Well, my website's on the DVD or my name right now. | ||
| Oh, there you go, bitches. | ||
| Maybe it is because of that. | ||
| So right now, Brian is at, let's see. | ||
| I think it's like 1,500. | ||
| I think I just went today. | ||
| I'm so close to 103,000. | ||
| I'm so close. | ||
| I'm like 65 away. | ||
| It's hard to get new Twitter followers, man. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like, I don't know exactly what you do. | ||
| You've got to mention it everywhere and you've got to tweet a lot of interesting shit. | ||
| But once you do, man, it's so important. | ||
| Like, for promoting gigs and for letting people know, like, shit you're doing. | ||
| Like, hey, I'm going to be in this town. | ||
| Like, this is the best way for people to find out what you're doing. | ||
| You know? | ||
| There's no better way to promote things. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And who knows what the next stage of that is. | ||
| Easily consumable. | ||
| Easily consumable. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, this is easily consumable. | ||
| Hope you enjoy this. | ||
| This is the end of this week's Ustream podcast and we will see you bitches next week. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Love you. |
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