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May 6, 2021 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:32
20210506_TJDS_20210505_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hi there, Jimmy.
This is Bill Gates.
Oh, hi, Bill.
Thanks for calling.
How are you doing?
Well, you know, I guess you've heard by now that Melinda and I are getting a divorce.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I heard that.
I heard that, but I'm very sorry to hear it, though, Bill.
Thanks.
Yeah, I'm not going to lie.
It's a very difficult time for both of us.
Even though it's amicable, it's still very painful.
And it's difficult not to see it as a failure on some level.
Although, intellectually, I know that's not a useful way to look at it.
But it still really sucks.
I am sure that it does.
I am sure that it does.
Can I ask what happened?
Well, you know, it wasn't really just one thing.
We just sort of grew apart, you know.
Over time, communication breaks down.
The mechanisms to repair it get rusty.
And before you know it, you're sleeping in separate mansions and just sort of living separate lives.
That is, that is sad.
Sleeping in separate mansions.
Could there be anything sadder than that?
What's next for you, Bill Gates?
Well, I've been working on my Tinder profile.
I'll probably also do Hinge and Bumble 2 eventually, but I'll get my feet wet on Tinder.
These are extremely interesting platforms, I must say.
Oh, really?
Yeah?
Yeah, I think it's fair to say creating a miniature dating profile for one of these mobile platforms is sort of a modern art form that just came about in the last 10 years.
Have you ever had a Tinder profile, Jimmy?
Now, no, I have not.
Well, first you have to choose pictures of yourself, which is absolute torture.
It's like, how do I convey that I'm one of the richest men in the world without making obvious that I'm trying to convey that?
It's a real conundrum.
Yeah.
And at the same time, making sure all my best angles are highlighted.
Right.
Yeah.
Highlight the angles.
Yeah, and all the philanthropy that I do.
So yeah, I'm definitely using one where I'm posing with some African kid next to malaria nets that I donated.
Oh, got it.
I see.
I also threw a gym selfie in there just to seem relatable.
I also did sort of a gag pic where I'm holding up a fish at Machu Picchu as a joke.
It's, you know, photoshopped, of course.
Oh, very funny, Bill.
Thanks, but the real prickly pair is the bio.
How do you sum yourself up in just a few characters, especially if you are one of the legendary titans of the tech industry?
It's nearly impossible.
Jimmy, can I run my bio by you?
Oh, sure.
Why not, Bill?
Okay.
Hi, I'm Bill.
Walk enjoyer, sandwich connoisseur, Microsoft founder.
Oh, you use Apple?
Well, you're a dumb bitch, JKJK.
Looking for a woman who is young, hot, voluptuous, solid 10, but nines will be considered.
Who, like me, can't wait to go back to a movie theater again.
Fan of the Seattle Seahawks and going on television and talking about things I am not an expert in.
Yeah.
Half Asians are fine, but no full ones, please.
The pandemic is over, finally.
Time to get some shine on my D. What do you think?
Bill, that bio makes you sound like an absolute ghoul.
Is that good or bad?
Bad.
That's bad.
Okay, well, we'll take it back to committee.
I know this process well.
We'll make it work.
Wait, what?
Other people helped you write that?
Who?
Other 60-year-old white men in the tech industry.
Okay, no.
Ask the type of women you would like to match with to help you write the bio.
They are avoiding me.
Literally walking each other way when they see me.
One young gal threw down a smoke bomb and escaped through a panel in the ceiling.
Well, what is...
What is that...
What does that tell you about your prospects with these women, Bill?
Easy, Jimmy.
That this is yet another problem to be solved by technology.
Okay.
Well, good luck with that, buddy.
Also, I'm a billionaire and I can have whatever I want.
Bye, loser.
That's the key there.
That's the key.
You better believe it.
Establishment media sets on its fighting.
So good luck, bullshit we can't afford, like fomenting this world.
Watch and see as the jet golf, the median speeds and jumps the medium and hits them head on.
It's the Chimitor Show.
Chimitor Show.
So it turns out, this is from CNN Politics.
This was Tuesday, April 27th.
The United States says that Iran's Navy harassed the Coast Guard in the Persian Gulf earlier this month.
The Coast Guard?
I thought the Coast Guard was supposed to protect our coast.
They're like, oh my God, there are Persians in the Persian Gulf.
It's not called the American Gulf.
It's called the Persian Gulf.
What are we doing there?
What's the Coast Guard doing in the Persian Gulf?
They just missed an exit and then shit got weird.
Iran's Navy once again harassed U.S. ships operating in the Persian Gulf, this time coming within 68 yards of the ships on Monday night, according to a spokesman, spokeswoman for the U.S. Navy.
How dare those Iranians messing with the United States over in Iran?
It'd be like if somebody broke into your house and then yelled at you to get out.
Yeah.
It's like, did you see how close those homeowners came to the burglar inside their house?
They came within 68 yards.
The Iranian ships kept operating close to the U.S. vessels despite repeated bridge-to-bridge warnings and the use of loud hailer devices.
In response, the American ship fired warning shots.
Hey, why don't you guys get the fuck out of the Persian Gulf?
You ever think of that?
Yeah.
You are giving warnings and using loud hailer devices?
Well, I bet they're giving you warnings too.
Get the fuck out of the Persian Gulf.
We're like the school bully of the world.
We walk up to someone like, get out of my way.
Like, I was just standing here.
Oh, yeah, why are you hitting yourself?
Like, you're a dick.
Stop.
The incident marks the.
This is by CNN Politics.
Bye.
They do great work over at CNN Paltics.
The incident marks the second time this month that the ships from the IRGC Navy have harassed U.S. ships in the Persian Gulf.
And that's the kind of news coverage that the CEO of YouTube is going to highlight.
Straight up propaganda, pro-war propaganda that gets millions of people killed.
That's the kind of stuff that the CEO of YouTube is going to highlight as authoritative news while she suppresses our debunking of that news.
Yeah, CNN stands for can't notice nuance.
I mean, they repeat it multiple times in this article: like, oh, the U.S. ships were being harassed.
Where?
Where?
In their waters.
In Iran's waters.
In the waters off Iran.
We were just being good, little imperialists, and then they were messing with us.
So all these black marks.
Do you see these black marks?
We should replace these with American flags.
Those are all American military bases.
What is Iran doing in the middle of all our military bases?
Do you know no other country does this?
Russia doesn't have military bases like this.
China doesn't have military bases like this.
Germany doesn't have military.
No one.
Only the United States.
Why?
Because we're run by the military industrial complex.
We have a banana government, and they don't actually.
This is what they do.
Imagine if the Iranian Navy was sailing around in the Gulf of Mexico.
Just imagine that.
Iran really made a mistake putting their country next to all those bases.
If they don't like it, they could move.
Biden wants to spend even more on defense than Trump.
The president's plan to hike Pentagon spending draws a rebuke from progressives.
No, it didn't.
I don't know what John Nichols is talking about.
That's like he hopes that did.
I didn't see it.
Did you see?
Did you see any rebukes from progressives?
They all said they gave him an A. What fucking progressives is John Nichols talking about?
Do you know?
Well, maybe, maybe not in electoral politics.
Maybe people on Twitter and shows and stuff like that.
No, we've been doing it, but he makes it sound like the whole progress.
Anyway, it's a sub-headline.
I won't hold him accountable for it.
But anyway, you know, I'm not trying to rip on John Nichols.
I'm just saying that that's more.
It sounds to me like from some progressives.
How about that?
That was it.
From some progressives.
No, no, no, totally, man.
And I get what you're saying.
I just think like, you know, I would interpret that as he's not just speaking about people inside of politics.
So there you go.
That's how CNN covers us doing imperialism.
They cover it as we're the victim of Iran.
We're the victim of Iran.
Just want to let you know, somehow we're the victims of Iran, according to CNN politics.
But that's the news that the CEO of YouTube wants to push now.
As because we're just assholes in our basement.
It's easy to do what we're doing.
Well, if it's so easy, why don't they do it?
Because they won't do it right.
Miss CEO of YouTube?
That country we've been brutalizing since the 50s.
They're harassing us, but we're just in their waters.
You know, we overthrew Iran.
We overthrew the Iranian democratically elected president in 1953, Mossadegh.
You know that the CIA did that.
United States overthrew their government, which is why they have a reactionary right-wing theocracy in Iran right now.
Because we overthrew their democratically elected government.
Who did?
The United States.
The CNN ever tell you that?
No.
Would the CEO of YouTube tell you that?
No.
But she will suppress us when we tell you that.
Hey, Medea Benjamin wrote a great book about it.
I believe it's just called Inside Iran.
It goes through the entire timeline.
It's a very brilliant book.
I recommend it.
There you go.
Hey, I'm calling Mitt Robney to find out why he got heckled and booed at the Utah GOP convention this week.
That really happened.
Hello, Mitt.
Hi, Jimmy.
Please don't ask me why I got heckled and booed at the Utah GOP convention this week.
Oh, okay.
But why did you?
Well, no reason, really.
They just think I'm an opportunistic milkshop who doesn't stand for anything.
And I certainly told them a thing or two in response.
I really got steamed when they called me a traitor and a communist.
Wow.
What did you say?
Luckily for me, I came prepared with some snappy comeback lines like, please try to keep your table talk to a minimum.
I don't come down to where you work and mess with all the important papers on your desk.
That one stopped him cold.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Oh, I can see why.
You see, Anne and I are big fans of comedy.
I like to frequent Boners Comedy Hut here in Salt Lake.
Have you ever played boners, Jimmy?
I don't know.
It's very likely.
I'm particularly fond of their super nachos.
They're not just big, they're super.
But nothing quite fills me with excitement more than when the Master of Ceremonies appears on stage and asks if everyone is ready to laugh.
Then he does it again, but this time even louder.
You never guess what the audience does after that, Jimmy.
Well, what did they do?
They respond in the affirmative.
Signaling as a group that they are indeed ready to laugh.
Everybody gets shit-faced.
But, Mitt, how did you deal with all the booing?
I said, look, I understand that I have a few folks who don't like me very much, but you can all kiss my silk cravat.
I know those are strong words, but I'm a man who says what he means.
And you know, I was not a fan of our last president's character issues.
Yeah, like what?
Like, never hiring me.
I could have been labor secretary or something like that.
I know a lot about keeping our local businesses competitive with countries like China, my friend.
Why, just this morning, I visited a robotics factory in Mended, Utah, where I gave researchers tips on how to be a robot.
Tip number one, always wear starch button-down shirts.
Number two, never let a subordinate robot watch you eat a banana.
And number three, always answer questions with, what is this love you speak of?
Mitt, did you really fall asleep during Joe Biden's presidential address last week?
Why not?
He did.
But if you check the video, you'll see I wasn't really sleeping.
I was transfixed on my iPad trying to download the Adobe updater.
That spinning wheel thing always leaves me hypnotized.
So long, Jimmy, I have to go now and prepare for the National Day of Prayer.
Happy National Day of Prayer to you and your lady.
But National Prayer Day isn't until tomorrow, Mitt.
That's different.
I'm talking about the National Day of Prayer, not National Prayer Day.
National Prayer Day is for assholes.
Thank you ever so Much, Jimmy.
Bye for now, Jimmy.
It's time to make some babies.
Yeah.
Christ.
Christ.
So we've been telling you about the fool's errand of sending progressives into Congress under the Democratic Party and then watching them turn into shit libs who gaslight their own supporters, right?
So, well, it's even worse than you think that not only will they not fight for you, meaning the Justice Democrats, but now they're actually working against you.
So here's AOC's PAC.
Remember, she started her own PAC, and everybody thought that was a good thing because now she doesn't have to worry about the DNC and the money.
They're not going to be controlling her money and she can give it right to the candidates she wants to, the progressives she wants to.
It turns out her PAC donated over $100,000 in leftist cash to right-wing Democrat incumbents ahead of the 2022 Democratic primary election.
She's taking the money you're giving her.
You're a progressive.
You're a lefty.
You want Medicare for all.
You want student debt relief.
You want a $15 minimum wage.
She's going to take the money you give to her to go fund those things and give it to people who are working against it.
That's what she's doing.
Just so you know.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's Courage to Change PAC, that's what it's called.
A Courage to Change PAC.
Courage to Change.
More like courage to give really awful people a lot of change.
How about that?
Her Courage to Change PAC, which markets itself to donors on the left as an answer to a broken system.
Man, that's balls, Han Ron.
That is fucking balls.
Alexandria Casio-Cortez's Courage to Change PAC, which markets itself to donors on the left as an answer to a broken system, was exposed as giving to many incumbent Democrats in the first quarter of 2021 in advance of the 2022 midterms.
Hey, we're going to have a hostile takeover of the Democratic Party.
Here's some money for the people we're trying to take over.
What?
It's called strategy.
It's called strategy.
And it's not sexy.
The PAC, so Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's money pack, which claims to use contributions to make early investments in progressive challengers that can even the playing field against established incumbents.
That's what they say they do.
They can even the playing field against established incumbents with all that cash.
Well, what have they really been doing?
Well, in fact, they've been giving over $100,000 in campaign donations to right-wing incumbents, Democrats who take who take corporate PAC money.
Wow, a lot of change, huh?
A lot of change.
Hope and change.
A lot of change.
This includes thousands of dollars to a guy named Ron Kine, the Wisconsin Democrat, who succeeded Joe Crowley as chair of the New Democratic Coalition, according to FEC filings.
Courage to Change, which alleges to back candidates who don't take corporate PAC donations, started off the 21-22 election cycle by giving the maximum to 31 candidates, almost all of whom directly received corporate PAC money, according to filing documents accessed through the Open Secrets.
Every now and again, we make an exception to the corporate PAC money rule, you know, like 31 times.
Just 31 times, Ron.
Just every once in a while or 31 times.
Courage to Change will refuse all corporate PAC donations, as will our candidates.
As a result, grassroots support is critical to our efforts to build a progressive majority.
So this is AOC straight up lying.
That's not a gaslight.
That's not a bullshit.
That's a bald-faced fucking lie, extorting money from people and using it for nefarious purposes.
In fact, the exact opposite thing of what they said.
People who refuse corporate, no, they give it to the people who take corporate PAC money.
Well, not all the time, just 31 times.
That is stunning.
As leftists, we only have a limited amount of funding each cycle to go around, and we need to know it's going to the right people in the right places.
If we can't trust our allies in office, we need better and more honest allies.
And that's what I say.
If you call the Justice Democrats your allies because they give you lip service, that's why people call them allies, by the way.
They've done shit.
People who call them allies say that because they give lip service to Medicare for all, give lip service to $15 minimum wage.
They give lip service to the public option, to student debt.
They give lips.
That's why they call them allies.
That's not an ally.
You're a chump if you think someone in the Justice Democrats is your ally.
You are a chump.
Just like if you think Bernie Sanders is trying to push Joe Biden left, you are a chump of the highest order.
And if you think the Justice Democrats are your allies because they give you lip service to the policies you like, you are an easily duped chump.
There are no permanent allies.
There's only permanent interests.
So if we can't trust our allies in office, we need better and more honest allies.
And so what you need to start saying about the Justice Democrats, they are not our allies.
I'm done being a chump and stop donating to them because that's how we hold them accountable.
Stop immediately stop donating to the Justice Democrats.
And until people start saying that, you are a chump on purpose and propping up the establishment.
That's just a fucking fact.
Small dollar donors heard from other allies such as Justice Democrats in emails dating back to last February.
That courage to change was building out the infrastructure to back more progressive insurgent candidates who will fight for our values in Congress.
This is the kind of progressive infrastructure we need to take on the entrenched incumbents who are backed by the Driple C Wow.
And now we, through AOC, are supporting the candidates backed by the Driple C too.
Isn't that amazing?
The 2022 cycle has marked a noted change in direction from this ethos for the Courage to Change PAC.
The first candidates to get 2022 primary campaign donations from AOC's Courage to Change PAC were not AOC squad sisters, but a group of 31 Democrats that skew overly corporatists.
Unbelievable.
Out of the 31 recipients of Courage to Change donations in 2021, just six of the 31, a measly 19.4%, co-sponsor the Medicare for All bill.
Wow.
Six out of 31 of them support Medicare for all.
How progressive.
Wow.
Further taking both the 2019 and 2021 resolution for a Green New Deal into account, only four of the 31 co-sponsored either version of that resolution.
This is wow.
In fact, 21 of 31 of Courage to Change recipients didn't co-sponsor any of the three key pieces of progressive legislation, Medicare for All, Green New Deal, and a bill to end the Yemen war.
Wow.
At this rate, they're going to be given cash to Mitt Romney in 2024.
Here's what AOC said when she was running for office.
What the Bronx and Queens needs is Medicare for all, tuition-free public college, a federal jobs guarantee, and criminal justice reform.
We can do it now.
It doesn't take 100 years to do this.
It takes political courage.
Hey, you guys support none of my progressive goals?
Here's some money.
She would have given money to Joe Crowley.
She would have given money to the guy she actually ran against.
That's how effed up she is.
Further, 55% of the recipients who took AOC's PAC money, 17 of the 31 received money from the New Democrat Coalition, including Ron Kine, successor to Joe Crowley.
What is the new Democrat?
That's the corporate Democrats.
They just put the new in front of it.
That just means corporate.
That means corporate.
The Democratic Leadership Council has made their lives work.
So that's the DLC.
Those are the people who are literally in bed with the Koch brothers, but they call themselves Democratic.
Do you see why we need a third party?
Do you see why the People's Party needs to be successful?
Do you see why it needs to stop donating to the Justice Democrats?
And all the Democratic Leadership Council has made their life's work into the corporatization of the Democratic Party and fighting the left influence within their own party.
That's a fact.
And here's what she used to say.
And then we walk away.
We're not going to get anything done.
Nothing's going to happen.
The Democratic Party does not do more unless it is pushed.
So we need to push them.
And they don't like it.
I think I annoy them, but that is our job.
That's our job.
Yeah, that is called the double CK, ladies and gentlemen.
She does not annoy them.
She doesn't push them.
Guess what?
I annoy her.
Ryan Knight annoys her.
The progressives annoy her.
Force the vote annoyed her and made her uncomfortable.
She doesn't make Nancy Pelosi uncomfortable.
She doesn't make Chuck Schumer uncomfortable.
She doesn't make any of the corporate Democrats in the House uncomfortable.
She tried to make a podcaster, me, uncomfortable by saying my words were violence.
She's a regular shitlib.
Congratulations on your failed experiment called the Justice Democrats.
And she's a straight-up liar now, 100% gaslighting liar, who's not only gaslighting and lying to you, but literally funding corporate Democrats that her PAC explicitly said would not do.
Honest to God, I wouldn't doubt she gives money to fucking Mitt Romney.
This all begs the question, why did AOC's team do this?
This is off-brand for the 2019 version of AOC, but sadly on par with the new one who refers to Nancy Pelosi as Mama Bear.
AOC chose to have a PAC that said they'd only back candidates who didn't take corporate PAC money.
In short, AOC and Courage to Change chose to lie to your effing face.
And then they have Ryan Grimm, Jenk Uger, Annika Spirion, and the rest of the shitlibs who have MSNBC contracts run interference for them.
That's what happened.
If they didn't legally have to report the numbers, you wouldn't know about AOC breaking her promise with regards to where her PAC spends its money.
But as of this writing, the PAC mission hasn't changed, though Courage to Change and AOC herself certainly have.
By the way, this is from Justin Unify the Left.
And this is good.
This is, I like to play this clip because this is also mind-blowing.
Enjoy.
Don't people realize that the most powerful position you can be in is when you are not materially attached to a position of power?
If you're a one-term Congress member, so what?
You can make 10 years worth of change in one term if you're not afraid.
Wow.
The left must scrutinize our allies and hold one another to higher standards moving forward, but also to start pushing for candidates who run outside of the two corrupt political parties, peoplesparty.org.
Otherwise, they will continue to amass wealth and power for themselves, all the while failing to deliver on the policies that most Americans overwhelmingly favor.
And here's AOC telling you what the problem is and then completely turning around.
AOC would say she is being divisive and hurting black and brown people.
That's what AOC would say about this AOC.
And why?
Because she says this.
You know, in what you said earlier, too, I wanted to go back to what you said about our left party.
We don't have a left party in the United States.
The Democratic Party is not a left party.
The Democratic Party is a center or center conservative party.
We do not advocate for, we do not, we can't even get a floor vote on Medicare for all.
Not even a floor vote that gets voted down.
We can't even get a vote on it.
So this is not a left party.
I like playing that clip.
Makes me laugh.
And I look forward to all the, I look forward to the intercept and Ryan Grimm and Dave Weigel in the Washington Post to keep running.
Now Jeff Bezos has his progressive reporter, the guy who's his Republican reporter sent to cover progressives, Dave Weigel, is now running interference for AOC.
That's how bad it's gotten.
Jeff Bezos wants to protect her.
That's how bad it's gotten.
Wow.
Ron, were you, how stunned were you?
I mean, I heard about this, but to learn the details of it was certainly jaw-dropping, even for me.
Yeah, I mean, I had heard about it too when it happened a little while back.
And it's just, there's no reason for whatsoever.
And another thing I think we haven't pointed out yet is a lot of the people gave the money back.
They wouldn't even accept it.
You know, Connor Lamb from Pennsylvania Was one of them, which that guy, politically, that guy is basically Trump.
He's, you know, pretty much Trump politically.
That guy gave the money back.
And so you have this situation.
If you want to make the argument, like, oh, well, strategy's not sexy.
It's like, well, when the strategy's not working, how really not sexy is it then?
Because it'd be one thing if she did something like this and a bunch of concessions were made where a bunch of these more conservative Democrats said, you know what?
We're going to endorse a Green New Deal.
We're going to endorse Medicare for all.
Nothing like that has happened.
Nothing at all.
So she turned her back on her base, did something extremely wrong, as we covered, and it made no sense strategically either.
And also, even just putting her aside, like just putting aside how bad it is that she did this, what is it saying about this establishment where there are members of it who will accept money from the oil and gas companies who will accept money from big pharma with a smile on their face, but take the moral high ground when it comes to accepting money from one of their colleagues.
What is that saying?
Does that sound like something that can be reformed to you?
No.
Not at all.
Especially when she's...
It's like, what the?
What are you doing?
No, look, I got a strategy.
I don't want to participate in that strategy.
Can I have my money back?
That's what that's like.
It's like if you, it's like you give money to Michael Moore and then he gives it to Halliburton.
You're like, no, no, no.
We're buttering them up.
Well, you know, I said on this show a while back, I was never going to give money to candidates ever again.
And I have admittedly since altered that slightly.
My exception to that is I will give money to local candidates.
There's a lefty running for city council in my neighborhood.
I did give him a little money.
So, you know, but that's, I do encourage people.
If you're going to put money into electoralism, stay local.
Just like it's like it's like produce.
Stay local.
Yeah, I'm with you on that.
I also donated to the People's Party.
I think that's, I think that's why you joined it, right?
At least you joined.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So I think everybody should do that.
Join the People's Party.
If you can donate, donate.
So when I registered with the People's Party, I tweeted about it.
And some other people tweeted about it saying that they did it too.
Like, yeah, I registered with the People's Party too.
And this, you know, this Democratic person on Twitter, Democratic Party person on Twitter, replied and said, this whole thing is so stupid.
This sounds like people saying I just pooped in the toilet.
And I responded, I said, based on this analogy, wouldn't that make you the person who shits on the floor and expects things to change?
You got to work on your trolling cave.
You failed big time on this one.
Hey, hello, who's this?
Don't play games with me, Jimmy.
You know perfectly well who this is.
What's wrong, Senator?
It's this whole $15 minimum wage, Masugas, Jimmy.
I tried to get it done to make it happen, but I just couldn't.
But now no one believes me.
They say I never meant to pass the $15 minimum wage in the first place.
They're besmirching my character, Jimmy.
Besmirching.
Well, it didn't seem like you really tried it at all, Senator Schumer.
It looked like you willingly got rolled by Joe Manchin.
Jimmy, you don't know what it's like in the Senate.
Nobody tells him what to do.
He's a BMOC.
A big man on campus.
A big man of the Capitol.
Oh, big man of the cap.
But, Chuck, you're the Senate majority leader.
You have no power over Joe Manchin?
I tried, I swear.
But Joe Manchin is a big bully.
Jimmy, I went to talk to him about the minimum wage in the Senate locker room, and he pulled the back of my underwear all the way over my head and in front of my face and then said, there, now you don't have to wear a mask.
Wow, that's just sad, Senator Schumer.
I'm actually surprised to hear you say that you really want to pass the $15 minimum wage.
It's very important, Jimmy.
We have to think about the future.
I agree.
I'm up for re-election in 2022, Jimmy, and getting a $15 minimum wage pass might keep those snarling wolves in the squad at bay.
Oh, you mean AOC?
Are you worried that she might primary you?
Of course I am.
When AOC first came into Congress, she was very outspoken and made all sorts of unreasonable demands.
I didn't care for her tone.
At least I knew with that attitude, she'd never get anywhere in the Democratic Party.
But now it's clear that she's all talking no action.
Democrats call that showing leadership potential.
She's even talking donations from progressive voters and handing them over to conservative House Democrats.
That's a straight-up Pelosi move.
Yeah.
Okay, so you feel like you have to pass the $15 minimum wage just to prevent a primary from the left?
Exactly.
But what are you going to do about Joe Manchin and all the other Democrats who blocked the $15 minimum wage last time?
You got a plan for that?
I do.
And it came to me the other day while watching my daytime queen, Oprah.
I decided I'm going to manifest the $15 minimum wage into being.
What does that mean?
You're going to manifest it.
Manifesting, Jimmy.
It means imagining something tangible that you want to happen and then believing in it so much it becomes a reality.
You cannot be serious about this.
I'm dead serious, Jimmy.
I even wrote $15 minimum wage on my vision board right below.
Learn to play the ukulele.
I'm putting it out into the universe that this is what I want.
And now the universe will make it happen.
I got to tell you, Chuck, this whole idea sounds absolutely preposterous.
But now I see why Joe Manchin bullies you because I feel like giving you a wedgie right now.
I'm going to act as if you didn't say that, Jimmy.
And I'm also going to update my vision board to manifest some of the things I'd like to see happen to you.
Good day, sir.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week.
And it's a great way to help support the show.
You can do it by going to jimmydoorcomedy.com, clicking on join premium.
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And it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards.
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We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
So we're going to talk about the CIA.
Now, this is going to be a little bit more mind-blowing than you expect.
I'm here with the World Famous Committee and Ron Placone.
What's up, Jimmy?
And so we've told you about the CIA.
You know what the CIA does?
I don't have to tell you, the CIA been overthrowing people.
They overthrow Democratically.
They overthrow more Democratically elected governments and torture people before 9 a.m. than most people do all day.
I'm pretty sure.
There's a joke somewhere in my head.
You know, You see it coming.
So the CIA, they overthrew Iran.
They overthrew Iraq.
They overthrew Libya.
They're causing misery in Syria, trying to overthrow it.
They're trying to overthrow Venezuela, Bolivia.
I mean, is there a place that they haven't done this, right?
Haiti.
They won't stop.
That's all they do.
That's all they do.
That's what the CIA is there to do, overthrow governments at the behest of capitalists and oil companies.
So now they put out this.
They have a Twitter account.
The CIA has a Twitter account.
If anybody should be banned for fake news, shouldn't it be the CIA?
Shouldn't they lose their Twitter account?
They doubt.
They're not.
Who would follow them?
They'd be like, you know who I need to follow?
I need to follow the CIA.
I'm going to guess 70% of Hollywood.
Right?
Ron, you were here when we covered.
You're probably right, which is sad.
I mean, they're all in the CIA.
Moby even admitted that he worked.
I mean, they all admit that they get flattered that the CIA.
Oh, they think they're fighting the Nazis.
Instead, what they're really fighting is the socialists.
They're fighting the people who are socialists.
They're not fighting Nazis.
That's what they think.
Oh, the CIA wants me to help fight the bad guys.
No, the CIA wants you to help fight the good guys.
Yeah.
Right?
Who was that guy?
Remember, he tweeted out during the Russian game.
He had the CIA mug.
He was a big star.
And we made fun of him.
You're not thinking of Moby?
No.
He did that like song.
No, this was a handsome.
This was a handsome young man from the office.
And then he went into a mate, did a movie.
He did a movie.
Yeah, I know.
You remember this?
Jim Krasinski?
John.
Yeah, Krasinski.
Yes.
Is that it?
Yes.
Okay.
He was handsome.
He's a handy guy.
He's a good-looking dude.
Okay.
So it's that guy.
So who would follow the CIA on Twitter?
I'm going to guess 70% of Hollywood.
That's what I'm going to guess.
It says, it says, Yeah, John Krasinski.
John Krasinski.
All those people.
So it says, hashtag Wednesday wisdom.
I am unapologetically me.
I want you to be unapologetically you, whoever you are.
Whether you work at the CIA or anywhere else in the world, command your space.
Miha, you are worth it.
I like how that got real specific to like really broad so fast.
Whether you work for the CIA or do anything else anywhere in the world.
Anything else.
Wow.
You're really connecting with the Latinos on that.
When they say Mija, I'm like, oh my God, they're speaking to me.
Wednesday wisdom.
Mika, I'm worth it.
Wow.
Thank you for CIA for helping me command my space.
Wow.
Command my space.
Sounds kind of dirty if you think about it that way.
I like it that way.
I've been commanding my space for a couple of years now.
It's been working out.
Mija.
Command your space, Miha.
You are worth it.
It's just that the space that you're commanding might be bombed by the CIA.
Just so you know, they might actually use a cluster bomb on you.
You never know.
So be careful where the space is that you're commanding.
You think this is...
Unless I don't like who you are.
Then you're on a list.
Command your space.
You are worth it.
Just don't command in another part of the world.
We're currently bombing, okay?
Don't do that.
Here we go.
When I was 17, I quoted Zora Neale Hurston's How It Feels to Be Colored Me in my college application essay.
And now I quote Dick Cheney.
The line that spoke to me stated simply: I am not tragically colored.
There is no sorrow dammed up in my soul nor lurking behind my eyes.
I do not mind at all.
At 17, I had no idea what life would bring, but Sora's sentiment articulated so beautifully how I felt as a daughter of immigrants then and now.
Nothing about me was or is tragic.
I am perfectly made.
I can wax eloquent on complex legal issues in English while also belting guayaquil de misamodes in Spanish.
And I can cover up torture in three languages.
I can change a diaper with one hand and console a crying toddler with the other.
I'm a mom, so I don't have time to notice the child casualties from the CIA.
I'm busy changing diapers.
Woman of color, I am a mom.
I am a cisgender millennial who's been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.
I am intersectional, but my existence is not a box-checking exercise.
I am a walking declaration.
A woman whose inflection does not rise at the end of her sentences, suggesting that a question has been asked.
I did not sneak into CIA.
My employment was not and is not the result of a fluke or slip through the cracks.
I earned my way in and I earned my way up the ranks of this organization.
I am educated, qualified, and competent.
And sometimes I struggle.
I struggle feeling like I could do more, be more to my, we could kill more, overthrow more, disrupt more, inflict more pain and misery, and give more people general anxiety disorder in other parts of the world.
I mean, this is a marketing disaster on so, so many levels and for so many, so many reasons.
But, man, I don't think I would ever want to work at a place where I felt like I where I would feel compelled to give the disclaimers that she just gave.
I am very happy working here.
And just so you know, I did not sneak in here.
It's not a fluke that I'm here.
It's on purpose.
They hired me.
I went through three interviews.
They all want me here.
At least that's what they say when I'm around.
And I'm quite happy.
Tuesdays are taco Tuesdays.
We do what?
Wednesday, wisdom.
Wednesday, wisdom.
On Fridays, the beef stroganos is to die for, and we wear wacky ties.
And I didn't sneak in here.
I didn't sneak in here.
Okay, there's more to this.
And I struggle leaving the office when I feel there's so much more to do.
I used to struggle with imposter syndrome, but at 36, I refuse to internalize misguided patriarchal ideas of what a woman can or should be.
A woman can also push an evidence-free conspiracy theory in aid of the establishment.
A woman can also McCarthy smear anyone who's a political opponent of the establishment.
That's right.
I'm a woman, fully.
I am tired of feeling like I'm supposed to apologize for the space I occupy rather than intoxicate people with my effort, my brilliance.
I am proud of me.
Full stop.
My parents left everything they knew and loved to expose me to opportunities they never had.
Jesus Christ.
Because of them, I stand here today a proud first-generation Latina and officer at the head of your organization is a bona fide torturer.
And she was a woman.
Didn't she shatter that?
She shattered the glass ceiling, Rodney.
Remember that.
Gina Haspell, was it Haskell?
Yeah, Gina Haspell.
She shattered that glass in, first woman as the head of the CIA, and then she picked up some of those shards of glasses.
She started torturing people with it.
She's not, her voice didn't go up at the end of her sentences, did it?
No.
CIA, I am unapologetically me.
I want you to be unapologetically you, whoever you are.
I would like you to be apologetic about the torture program and about destroying the evidence.
I would like you to be apologetic about spying on senators.
I would like you to be apologetic about pushing an evidence-free conspiracy theory.
I would like you to be apologetic about what you're doing in Venezuela, about Timber Sycamore, about Libya.
I would like you to be apologetic about Iran, Iraq.
What else?
What is it?
What everything you should be apologetic for?
Know your worth.
Command your space.
Know your worth.
Command your space.
CIA.
Why don't you just make this for the Crips?
Why don't you just make it for God, Timber Sycamore?
Look it up.
You guys fund terrorists.
You guys are terrorists.
Do you enjoy traveling, solving puzzles, and overthrowing foreign governments?
Join the CIA now.
I love this.
Here we go.
Black Lives Matter.
Yes, we can.
And the gay pride flag.
That is awesome.
Inept sociopaths go to prison.
Competent sociopaths become CEOs.
Clever sociopaths join the CIA.
From Caitlin Johnson.
And sometimes they're diverse.
Just so you know, everybody is waterboarded with filtered water.
We're very woke.
And all bombs are made from recycled material.
We care about the environment.
So this is the CIA weaponizing wokeness.
They're trying to use your wokeness in the culture to sell imperialism.
That's job opening.
The CIA is recruiting non-white individuals.
We started to realize that it's seemingly impossible to send a white dude out to the Asia-Pacific region and region and blend in with the populace.
We are expanding our kidnapping operations and hope that you can be in on it too.
We did a story just the other day about how the United States is kidnapping foreign dignitaries for absolutely no reason.
The United States is doing that against international law.
But CIA woke, baby.
So the joke I used to do about, you know, the perfect shit liberal, if the Democrats were around in 1860, they'd be bragging about their first transgendered slave owner.
And that's what this is.
You guys are bragging about your first woman of color who's in the horrible CIA.
Wow.
Wow.
She will not apologize, Ron.
Yeah, she's not going to apologize.
This is, it's like, it's like she just got the women the right to vote or something instead of what she actually did, which is overthrow another democratically elected government, spread an evidence-free conspiracy theory, and then McCarthy smear her political enemies.
That's what they're doing over at the CIA.
I don't know what kind of work you think you're doing, but you're not keeping us safe.
That's for goddamn sure.
The CIA just needs a range of diverse talent like any other large employer.
It doesn't have any incentive to reject the reality that we live in a large multicultural society.
Jesus.
You're missing the point.
I'm not saying that the CIA doesn't need diversity.
A diverse perspective matters.
I'm saying fuck the CIA.
Hopefully that clears some things up.
That's such a good.
What a fucking stupid actual quotes from this new CIA recruitment ad: I'm a woman of color.
I'm a cisgendered millennial.
I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.
I am intersectional.
I think it's safe to say the contemporary American left has failed.
I would say.
I would say.
Ron, are you a cisgendered millennial?
Oh, geese.
I actually.
You're not sure what that is either, are you?
I'm not.
Well, I'm a millennial.
You don't know what a cisgender it is?
You are such a bad lefty.
I'm going to kick you off.
You're going to get picked out.
Yeah, I would be.
Yeah, no, that is.
What are you, a white supremacist?
You're like a white supremacist.
What are you going to say?
No, I didn't.
You just Googled cisgender.
You just Googled it as I asked you.
Yeah, I did.
So, yeah, technically, yes, that's somebody at the CIA knows what it is, and you don't know what it is.
That's why they didn't ask me to make the video.
Hand in your lefty card.
You don't even know what cisgendered means.
I could have made that video.
I could have been like, look, I'm a millennial.
I wear glasses.
I'm against war.
So actually, I did sneak in here.
That's irony card is for me.
Enjoy the TikTok.
I'm against war, so I did sneak in.
I didn't pay attention during training.
And I would not fill out the TCP reports.
Ask Lundberg.
Let's go back to office space, Ron.
I'm making an office space reference.
I love that movie.
Me too.
That's what that is.
Do you have the TCP reports?
I know my stapler is on your desk.
Didn't want to bring it up.
Here's what Glenn Greenwald says.
He says, What this also shows is this type of politics, fixated on cultural identity, poses no threat whatsoever to institutions of authority.
To the contrary, they love it.
It's easily co-opted, and the liberal obsession with this stuff means they're not focused on how power is wielded.
Man, that's exactly.
I wish I was smart enough to say stuff like that, but that's exactly right.
Here's Lee Fong.
Is that how you pronounce it?
I think it's spelled Fang, but I think he says Fong.
Fang sounds scary.
The traditional left goals of ending militarism, extending healthcare, and labor rights are race neutral, and they're universal rights.
What wokeness does is cynically divide us into atomized, competing identity factions filled with hate and resentment so that we lose sight of our shared humanity.
You know, I'm a white guy, so from where I sitting, that makes a lot of sense.
Here's Glenn Greenwald again.
Another white gay guy.
Wokeness ultimately is neither really an ideology nor even politics.
At its worst, it's about petty cultural control.
But mostly it's just a personal branding image by those otherwise at a loss for identity, purpose, and self-esteem.
That's why power centers love it so much.
And here, look, here we go.
History was made on Friday with the first ever all-gay U.S. Navy helicopter crew.
Progress.
Progress!
You can't parody this shit anymore, Ron.
You can't parody.
They're doing it themselves.
I'm pitching this sitcom.
They're doing it themselves.
I'm sure the innocent people being murdered by the U.S. military will be grateful that at least they're being killed by a diverse LGBTQ soldiers.
Jesus.
H, that no sense of nothing.
No sense of anything.
Talk about a lack of awareness.
That's supposed to be what I do.
I'm supposed to be the guy with no awareness of how he comes off and what's happening because I'm a nightclub fucking pothead comedian.
And that's funny when I do it.
I'm the clown.
Please just stop bombing us.
And that's at Indica.
Wow, Ron.
So this was made as a joke here.
Right.
But here it is.
But here it is for real.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just so it is just so mind-blowing because it's, you know, as we all know, and this goes without saying, there are real issues of racism in the world.
Of course, there's real issues of sexism, of homophobia.
And when you weaponize wokeness in this way, it is just so dishonest and toxic and just gross and beyond a parody of itself.
So now beyond a parody of a parody of a parody.
Ron, honest, why would you insult the CIA, which is the props up women of color?
It sounds like you're a white supremacist.
I mean, why would you insult the CIA, which has long been known to be the safe haven of people of color around the world?
Well, Jimmy, you're a white supremacist.
Go ahead.
It sounds like white supremacists.
Well, because the CIA kills people, especially black and brown people, all around the world.
So I don't really care about the diversity of an organization that I don't think should exist in the first place.
You're nitpicking.
So, all right.
So the CIA.
I want a pony, Jimmy.
Get me a pony.
All right.
So the CIA actually kills bombs and makes life miserable and commits war crimes against women and people of color all around the world.
And they tortured some folks, but go on.
Yeah, and they also hired that nice lady.
You're right.
Everything's better now.
They're empowering them.
Wow.
Okay.
Can I see that picture again?
Of the helicopter team.
Isn't that wonderful?
History was made on Friday with the first ever completely unself-aware crew of a helicopter.
That was it.
And they all happened to be gay.
And looking fabulous when they bombed.
Why in the fuck are you gay and you want to join the military?
I don't understand that.
I never understood.
I understand the one to be for equality, but if you're joining the military now, for any other reason besides Ekan, I understand why people join it because of economics, because that's the way the capitalists have made it.
So there are no decent jobs.
You can't afford college.
So the only way out is through the military.
That's understandable.
I think that's the case for most people.
But I haven't, but are there still people you think, Ron, that think they're actually doing the right thing?
Even after Pat Tillman, you really think people think they're protecting the country and fighting the bad guys?
How do they not realize that we are the bad guys?
I wish I knew the answer to that.
I mean, it's tough for me to say because I'm not at the age of 10.
Yeah, they're young.
They're young.
A lot of people in my group are going.
I mean, when I was at that age, you know, there were, I mean, and, you know, even though I never, you know, I mean, I never enlisted or was in the military or anything like that.
I think the Iraq war changed a lot of people from my generation.
And I was one of them.
I mean, I became very radicalized because of the Iraq war.
I mean, before Iraq, I wasn't really paying much attention to politics.
I was in high school, whatever.
And then, you know, that war happened.
I wondered why the hell we were there.
I was seeing friends and family going over there in a war that I didn't understand why we were in.
And, you know, I woke up.
I learned a lot.
I started reading some books and asking some questions.
And, you know, like it really changed my perspective on the world, really.
And I know that some people who I knew in my life, they, you know, enlisted in the military thinking they were protecting freedom.
And they got home and they did not feel that way anymore.
So, and I don't think that's a very uncommon story.
And know your worth.
They went.
And they went right to the Minneapolis Police Department.
Anyway, or Chicago or any police department, it doesn't matter.
Cops or cops, coast to coast, the same.
All right.
Great story.
Fantastical.
I love the gaying of the military.
It makes me feel so woke.
I got the president of the United States on the line.
Joe Biden.
Hello.
Hey, man.
This is the president of the United States of American States.
And by sheer coincidence, I'm also married to the First Lady.
Yeah.
And guess what?
What?
Today is World Press Freedom Day.
Oh.
This is a day when all Americans set aside their differences and honor the precepts set down in the First Amendment.
Or the third one.
You know the thing.
Does that mean you're going to drop the charges against Julian Assange?
Who's that?
The man you're trying to extradite for espionage because never mind, Joe.
Oh, man, don't do that.
Don't spoil a special day when people are in the streets enjoying their freedoms of speeches, eating cotton candy and going to the circus and stuff.
We have to get back to basics.
Like my grandma, Joe Ruthina, used to say.
Freedom of the press isn't just a freedom.
It's something else.
And she'd beat me senseless with the Sunday New York Times.
Keep in mind, back in the day, newspapers were made out of emulsified lead.
It's a hard lesson to learn, but Joe learned it.
And it sticks with Joe to this day.
Don't eat lead.
I've said that, not Bernie.
Healthcare should be a right, not a privilege in this country, or even America for that matter.
Then how come your American families plan doesn't extend Medicor or even mention the public option that you ran on?
What do you mean by even?
Here's the thing.
I've never been more or less optimistic about the future of America and its colonies than I was five minutes ago.
Let me explain.
No one should have to choose between a paycheck and taking care of their Cobra payments.
Understand?
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written by Ron Placone, Mark Van Landowitz, Steph Zamorano, Jim Earl, Mike McRae, and Roger Rittenhouse.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't bring it up.
Don't freak out, don't freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Don't, don't, don't, don't breathe.
Don't, don't, don't, don't.
Don't, don't do that.
Break up.
Do not breathe.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't break out.
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