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Sept. 17, 2020 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:07:58
20200917_TJDS_20200917_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy, this is Bob Woodward.
No.
No.
Well, hi, Mr. Woodward.
Thanks for calling.
Jimmy, I don't know if you know or not, but I wrote a book called RAID.
In this book, I come to the conclusion that Donald Trump is a bad president and generally unfit for office.
It's quite a conclusion.
Hey, that's great, Mr. Woodward, but I think most of us had already drawn that conclusion already.
I'm aware that that has been the conventional wisdom for some time now, but I wanted to apply some journalistic rigor to the question, which required me to speak directly to Mr. Trump on the telephone.
Right, right.
I got it.
And after that phone conversation, it was unclear to me whether or not Donald Trump was, in fact, a bad president.
so I called him back 17 more times just to be sure.
I see.
I see.
And I think ultimately the value of the book would be in the revelations that came out during those phone conversations.
Many people did not know whether Trump was bad or not, but now they have this book.
When did...
When did you have these conversations?
February and March.
A lot of people are kind of wondering why you sat on the revelation specifically related to Trump's mishandling of the COVID-19.
200,000 Americans are dead, Mr. Woodward.
I know a lot of people are dead, but you can't rush this sort of thing.
As a journalist, Jimmy, you know that a lot of this has to do with sources and protecting sources in the White House and elsewhere.
Without these sources, a book such as this could not be published ethically.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
And sometimes this process can take years.
Jesus Christ.
Okay, well, in which phone call did Trump unequivocally reveal that he was lying to the American people about COVID?
Oh, I think that was probably number two or three.
And you still had time.
You still had time to talk to him 14 more times.
What can I say?
I'm a phone guy.
Some people can't stand talking on the phone for long periods of time, but personally, I've always enjoyed it.
I rest the receiver on my shoulder and look at papers while I'm talking.
Takes me back to Watergate days.
I'm doing it right now.
Okay, well, I'm sure it's a fine book, but I'm just saying this information could have been helpful earlier.
Like I said, you can't rush good journalism.
Speaking of which, I need to start on my next book.
Oh, really?
What's that about?
It's about whether bears do, in fact, shit in the woods.
I know that's the conventional wisdom about their scatological habits, but I will be exploring other possibilities about the location of their defecation sites.
Sounds great.
Can't wait to see what you find out.
Thanks, Jimmy.
I have to order things from Orvis now.
Gotta go.
Establishment media sets of August fighting.
So good luck, bullshit we can't afford, like fomenting this, oh, oh, oh.
Watch and see as it's jacked off the medium, speeds and jumps the medium, and hits them head on.
It's the Chimmy Tor Show.
Chimmy Tor Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the joke, shall we?
Hey, I got to make a confession.
The Democratic Party, they finally got to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, this November, I'm voting for Hillary Clinton.
I'm still waiting for Joe Biden to get Verit code approved.
That's just a joke for, I know nobody's going to get that joke.
Hey, NASA scientists say they may have discovered life in the atmosphere of Venus, and it has healthcare.
You know, it'd be nice if the same people claiming to be worried about any upcoming election interference had shown the same concern when Wall Street bought the Democratic Party.
That's just more of a thought I'd like to throw out there.
It's making me think.
Hey, interesting note, in episode 38 of Get Smart, Chaos is revealed to be a Delaware corporation for tax purposes.
You know, for six months, Bob Woodward withheld information that could have saved thousands of lives.
Buy his new book.
Hey, what's coming up on today's Jimmy Door show?
Democrats prevent the Green Party from getting on the ballot in Wisconsin and try to kick the Green Party off the ballot in Texas and Pennsylvania because Democrats don't really believe in democracy.
Plus, the New York Times Paul Krugman is totally delusional about September 11th.
And in an era of record-breaking heat waves and out-of-control wildfires, Democrats' performative political theater dooms us all.
Plus, phone calls from Harrison Ford, Vladimir Putin, David Axelrod, and a new one.
We got a phone call today from famed investigative reporter of Watergate, Bob Woodward.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door Show.
Okay, here's, you didn't think it could get any worse with Joe Biden?
You didn't think he could piss in your face any harder?
Now he's shitting in your mouth.
I made a promise to someone today I would stop swearing, and here I am being disgusting, but so be it.
Here is Joe Biden.
Joe Biden on the U.S. military budget.
I've met with a number of my advisors.
Do those advisors come straight from Raytheon?
Yes, they do.
I've met with a couple of my advisors, and some have suggested in certain areas, the budget is going to have to be increased.
He's talking about the military budget.
The military budget is up as much as $2 trillion.
So they've increased the military budget under Trump $132 billion a year.
That's not one year.
That's every year in perpetuity, which is where you get $2 trillion over 10 years.
Joe Biden says he may further increase the military spending if elected.
What's it to be between these candidates again?
Exactly.
This is the guy in the middle of a Great Depression.
We already spent more on the military than the next 13 countries combined.
We're occupying eight countries.
We're bombing eight countries, occupying Afghanistan.
It's unbelievable.
Committing a genocide in Yemen.
That's his priority.
He's not giving you health care in the middle of a pandemic.
This is a joke that people are voting for this guy and they're proclaiming it like they're good people.
Thank you.
My neocon advisors assure me that we need an even bigger military budget before we start a new wave of forever wars.
We're in Afghanistan 20 freaking years.
This is exactly what we need right now.
Thank you, Brett.
Hey, guess Project Lincoln is getting their trade-off, huh?
Yes.
Atrocious, 188 Democrats joined the GOP to hand Trump $738 billion in the military budget that includes a space force.
It is Orwellian for Congress to hand out billions of dollars worth of weapons and bombs to a president waging a horrific unconstitutional war in Yemen and call that progressive.
Don't you feel like a chump voting for Joe?
You don't feel like a sucker, not even for a second, like a complete chump sucker, and that voting for Joe Biden is just another problem that you're going to have to clean up.
Joe Biden isn't a fix for Donald Trump.
Joe Biden makes things fucking worse because people are going to go to sleep.
Joe Biden championed the Iraq war.
Will that come back to haunt him now?
No.
No, it will not.
Hey, fact check.
Joe Biden, again, dishonestly suggests he opposed the Iraq war from the beginning.
I know.
Joe Biden was the strongest Democratic supporter of the war.
In fact, even after the war started, and it was clear it was bullshit, he still wagged his finger at Democrats who didn't support it hard enough.
Hey, how did the Army exceed its recruiting goals this year?
It was a student loan crisis, not the war, as service leaders said.
How did the Army exceed its recruiting pseudo-loan crisis?
Exacerbated by Joe Biden's policies.
Hey, Biden suggests he would veto Medicare for All over its price tag.
And he's a good friend of Bernie's.
Joe Biden.
Joe Biden wants to increase the military budget.
Well, why would he veto Medicare for all if it came up?
Because of his price tag.
Black disabled veterans sentenced to spend 60 months in prison for medical marijuana.
Here's Joe Biden getting confronted by a real veteran, someone who actually had to serve in those bullshit wars that he voted for and pushed.
Watch what happens.
I'm an Air Force veteran.
We're just wondering why we should vote for a war.
We should kill thousands of our brothers and sisters.
We don't get a few rockets.
We're going to enable that war.
We also gave a medal to the man.
We're going to enable that war.
Her blood is near Kansas City.
And you're going to call it.
You're going to call it.
You're going to call it.
My friends are dead.
Chose my son.
That doesn't matter, right?
Nothing does.
I'm sure it does.
I'm sure it does.
I'm not going after you, son.
You're disqualified, sir.
What is on your hands?
What is on your hands?
Sir, that's right here.
White brothers and sisters died in Iraq and Afghanistan.
And we enabled that to happen.
He enabled that to happen.
Sir, he is disqualified.
He is disqualified.
Amen.
You will not be allowed.
Disqualified.
Trump is going to answer.
Fucking bullshit.
Fucking bills.
We actually fought in your camp wars.
We fought in your wars.
You sent us to hurt civilians.
We hurt civilians.
You pushed us out to do it.
And do you see the good white people telling them to shut up, go away with your fucking reality about who this guy is?
They start chanting over the people who were sent to fight in those wars by Joe Biden.
This is called a room full of pieces of shit.
The whole country is a piece of shit.
The best people in this country are the 100 million people who don't participate in this.
These are good people.
The result of your fucking criminality is presented to you and you shout them down.
These are garbage people.
Joe Biden is a garbage person.
These people, anybody proud to vote for Joe Biden is a garbage person.
Thank you.
You're no better than Trump or Trump voters.
You're no better.
This is how you treat the military.
This is how you treat the military.
At a Joe Biden function, you shout them down and tell them to get the hell out of there.
That's how you treat them.
You don't give a fuck.
You're no better than Trump.
Joe Biden voters are no better than Trump voters.
Joe Biden's no better than fucking Trump.
The Democrats are no better than the Republicans.
And this country is fucking sick.
Sick to its core.
You know, on that video, Jimmy, you can see who's the person who has courage.
That's right.
You can see.
You can see the person who actually has integrity.
That's right.
And who's standing alone in that room in that room and saying that he should not be president?
And then Joe Biden's response is to lie.
To lie.
Joe Biden tweeted out, you deserve a president who tells you the truth.
While true, that president sure as fuck is in you.
Oh, I wish I had that video of the first time Joe Biden ran for president of him just nonstop lying.
I finished first in my class.
I was the most outstanding political science student.
I was top of my class.
None of that stuff was true.
I had three majors.
None of it.
All made up.
He said it right into camera.
Oh, phony.
The bottom of his class, C student.
He was fat, bad student, bottom of his class.
Caught for plagiarizing paperizing Plagiarizing speeches.
We've already lost this election.
Raytheon, Halliburton, Boeing, Exxon, Wall Street, Blue Cross, Eli Lilly have already won.
They've won every election since 1980, and we've all lost every one of them.
It's beyond a joke.
It's beyond an insult.
It's beyond anything that anybody could say they're voting for Joe Biden to make anything better.
It's just a joke.
They all go, wow, the kids in cages.
Joe Biden built those cages and put those kids in those cages.
You're going to vote for the cage builder to get rid of the cages?
You fucking chump.
You fucking chump.
This country will never demand anything from its political class because the political class owns the media.
And that's it.
Propaganda rules.
Half the country believes in QAnon.
Half the country believes in Russia Gate.
Congratulations, America.
You're a failed state.
If you believe in Russia Gate, you are every bit as gullible and stupid as anybody who ever talked about QAnon.
Everyone.
I couldn't work for a news organization that was talking about QAnon every fucking day, just like I couldn't work for a news organization that was Russia Gating every fucking day.
And no shame or apologies to come ever about it.
Never.
No shame, none.
I am destructive to America, and who gives a fuck?
Not only am I destructive to America, but to the left.
And then you tell people to vote for fucking Joe Biden like you're some kind of a good person instead of a fucking idiot.
Instead of a willing dupe who's a conspiracy theorist and in aid of the establishment.
At least Alex Jones tells conspiracies that are supposed to be anti-establishment.
Everybody on the left doing Russia Gate, they're doing conspiracies that aid the establishment, the one they're supposed to be against, but they're really not.
They're in bed with the establishment.
Half the left is it, you know it, if not more so.
Wow, Harrison Ford is calling me.
Hello, Harrison.
Before we continue, I just have a couple of questions.
Okay, sure.
What day is this?
It's Wednesday, Harrison.
Good answer.
Next question.
What month is this?
Where am I and why?
Why are you asking that, Harrison?
Because people are acting all different and stuff, and I demand to know why.
What do you mean?
You probably saw it in all the papers yesterday.
My wife, Callista.
Yeah, that's her name.
All right, just making sure.
Well, the two of us were spotted stocking up on groceries in Santa Monica.
I kept it casual, as usual, with my light gray, button-down dress shirt tucked into a pair of dark blue jeans.
And I wore a mask.
Well, I'm glad you're setting an example by wearing a mask in public to protect yourself and others from COVID-19.
Yeah, thanks.
What's COVID-19 again?
I hope you weren't driving.
Of course, I wasn't driving.
I crash-landed my 1929 to Avalon two-seat fabric-covered bush plane in a damn parking lot.
That sounds very dangerous, Harrison.
Nobody knows.
It was Trader Joe's.
Question for you.
Alec Guinness, you know the guy?
The one who played Obi-Wonton, Kimo Sabe, and that Star Wars thing I did a few years ago?
Yeah, of course.
The great British actor, yeah.
Wow, he was British.
I always thought he was just constipated.
Anyway, I was reading a thing and a thing, and he wrote a letter to someone he knew and called me rangy and languid.
Do I ever seem sluggish or dull to you?
No, no, of course not, buddy.
Lackadaisical or listless.
No, no.
What about spiritless or lacking energy and enthusiasm?
Certainly not, pal.
Depressed, sleepy, lacking interest in things.
Nope.
How about sluggish or dull?
You already asked me that, Harrison.
If I weren't so laid back, I'd beat the crap out of that Guinness guy.
Well, he died 20 years ago.
And he calls me languid.
Pilot the tower.
Request permission to pick up a jar of Trader Giotos.
Bastamarinara.
Over.
Get the hell out of my parking space.
This is filed under vote blue no matter who.
Now, I live in California.
California is a super majority Democrat state.
They control the House.
They control the Senate.
They have Democrat governor.
We don't have Medicare for all.
We have homeless everywhere.
We have student debt.
We have wildfires.
We have the governor just permitted a bunch of fracking.
My point is, there's almost no difference in California.
Completely run by Democrats.
And you're supposed to vote Democrat.
Well, here's we go.
Who's telling you that?
Barack Obama.
Barack Obama's telling you why?
Because there's wildfires ripping up the West Coast right now.
Right now, my entire backyard, I haven't been able to see the sky this whole week.
This whole week I come out and I feel like I'm living on Mars.
Everything's orange.
It feels a little bit like you're on another planet, not making that up.
That's how it feels.
And so here's Barack Obama.
The fires across the West Coast are just the latest examples of the very real ways our changing climate is changing our communities.
Protecting our planet is on the ballot.
Vote like your life depends on it because it does.
This is the motherfucker who opened the Arctic up to drilling twice.
This is the guy who let it play out at Dapple.
The reason why there's fracking pipes underneath this goddamn country is because of him.
Thank you.
So he says, vote.
You got protecting our planet is on the ballot.
It's on the ballot.
Because Joe Biden just said he's not ending fracking at all.
That it's a lie.
That's a vicious rumor.
So, Barack Obama, all we can do is vote.
What if somebody makes a bunch of promises like they're going to put on a soft shoe and stand up for workers or that they're going to end the wars and invest that money back here?
Or how they're going to re-regulate Wall Street?
What if somebody runs for president?
We vote for them.
They make all those promises.
Then they don't do any of them.
This is just a hypothetical.
What do we do then?
That's just a hypothetical.
The man who dropped 100,000 bombs, including white phosphorus, depleted uranium, and other toxic munitions on eight different countries, has the audacity to lecture us about protecting our planet.
Well said, Sarah.
California is a Democratic supermajority state.
What the hell are we supposed to vote for, Barack?
We already voted for every goddamn Democrat you could possibly vote for.
It's total Democrat.
What the hell are we supposed to do now?
What is Joe Biden going to come out and shoot the fires in the leg?
Is that what he's going to do?
I vote for Joe Biden.
He's going to shoot the fire in the leg.
Emily has it exactly right.
She has it exactly right.
And Gavin Newsom is a friend of fracking.
That's right.
Oh, by the way, America's biggest oil boom came under Barack Obama.
Mr., he cares about the environment.
The environment's on the ballot.
He bragged about it.
Remember, I played that video of him bragging that the biggest oil boom happened under his presidency?
Because it did.
U.S. oil production soars under Barack Obama.
Remember, his energy policy was all of the above.
Well, he wasn't fucking around.
It was really all of the above.
Look at that.
Bam!
Production hits a 44-year high.
So that's September 2008, and that's April.
Jesus.
April 2015.
That's Barack Obama caring about the environment.
Best president of my lifetime.
Which just was anybody who says that, they go, he's the best president of my lifetime.
What they're really saying is, I don't pay attention to things, and I'm easily manipulated.
I think Wrigley's is pure chewing satisfaction.
Pringles, once you pop, you can't, you can't, you can't stop.
I think Diet Pepsi's got the right one baby.
Uh-huh.
You can tell I don't watch TV.
I can't think of a fucking I can't think of a current commercial to save my goddamn life.
I don't watch the commercials.
Six of Oregon's large.
Oh, here we go.
Six of Oregon's largest helicopters are not available to fight the fires because they were sent to Afghanistan to aid in the U.S. military occupation of Afghanistan.
Thank goodness.
Talk about a crumbling empire.
We're out occupying other countries.
Meanwhile, ours is crumbling.
Ours is crumbling.
So let me just back this up.
When she says, what the hell are we supposed to do?
What we're supposed to do, I guess, is ballot measures.
Obama's answer is hope and Netflix.
Now, you're supposed to vote like your life dependent on it when Barack Obama drilled like his life depended on it.
And I guess this is why Joe Biden wants to get up fossil fuels not until 2050 because he doesn't want to mess up Barack Obama's oil production legacy, I guess.
There it is.
We can't fight the fires because the helicopters that are supposed to fight the fires are killing people in another country that we shouldn't be in.
And both parties support it.
That war.
Both parties.
Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, the Democrat Party, they support the Afghanistan war.
After eight years of unbroken war, Obama hands over the conflicts to Trump.
Bipartisanship, baby!
Oh, but they really don't like each other.
Oh, I'm sorry, because there she is.
She's resisting.
And how much did Nancy Pelosi resist him?
Because Nancy Pelosi, he can't spend any money unless he gets that money from Nancy Pelosi because she runs the house.
That's called the power of the purse.
And that's where she gets all her leverage.
And so how did she use that leverage?
House Democrats gave Trump everything he wanted on a $738 billion defense bill while on the brink of impeaching him.
That is theater.
This is professional wrestling.
They both work for the same guy, and we already know what the outcome is.
Over 100 Democrats just voted against pulling troops out of Afghanistan.
Weird thing to do if Trump is such a unique warmongering monster, right?
I think maybe all of them pulled a Joe Kennedy, like how Joe Kennedy made the mistake when he voted for nuclear weapons and he's meant to vote against it.
He was like, oh, I got confused.
I voted wrong.
Maybe that's what the Democrats.
Maybe they also was like, oh, shit, I voted to keep the troops in Afghanistan.
I meant to vote to keep him out.
Here's Nancy Pelosi.
Hashtag Trump knew and kept quiet.
In fact, Trump lied and now people have died.
Pass it on.
She's talking about COVID.
This is a metaphor to her actual opposition to Trump.
whisper in someone's ear, telling them to pass it on while not actually doing anything.
Thank you.
The CIA documents say Speaker Pelosi was told about enhanced interrogation techniques.
Torture.
She was told about torture.
So that means she's complicit in war crimes.
Nancy Pelosi is a war criminal.
Just like Trump, just like Obama, just like Bill Clinton, just like George Herbert Walker Bush.
Here's what Nancy Pelosi said.
We were not, I repeat, we were not told that waterboarding or any other of these enhanced interrogation methods were being used.
That is false.
That is a lie.
Nancy Pelosi is a liar and a torturer.
Can I say that on YouTube?
Can I say the sitting speaker of the house is a torturer and a war criminal?
I don't know.
I'm saying it.
We'll see what happens.
She is.
Go feel good about voting for her.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Go feel good about voting for her.
There you go.
Trump knew and kept quiet.
Well, talk about knowing things and lying about it.
There's Nancy Pelosi doing it.
Talking about knowing things and keeping quiet.
In the Trump era, Nancy Pelosi admits to nostalgia about George W. Bush.
You know, those good old days when we just covered covered up war crimes together, like respectable colleagues.
You know, those old days.
Look, I didn't always see eye to eye with Trump, but he was able to pull this country together during times of crisis, he cared about America, and I think we can all respect him for that.
That'll be the liberals in 2025, after the worst Republican gets elected in 2024.
after an organized fascist gets elected instead of a con man, game show host who has no interest in governing.
Now they're going to go, that's why we need a blue wave in 2026.
Colin Powell's running as a Democrat.
Got to get that blue wave in 2026.
What did the blue wave of 2018 get us?
You know what it got us?
It got us the largest upward transfer of wealth in the history of humankind.
Nancy Pelosi engineered it.
The squad and Bernie Sanders voted for it.
And then they lied to you about it afterwards.
You're fucked.
You don't get to vote.
No matter who you vote for, they're going to screw you.
Nancy Pelosi is going to screw you.
Chuck Schumer.
Donald Trump is going to screw you.
AOC is going to screw you.
They all did it.
They all voted for the largest upward transfer of wealth and did not stand up to their own leadership.
And why wouldn't they stand up to their own leadership?
Because they're a cowardice.
And who comes first?
Them.
Narcissists are politicians.
Don't make any fucking mistake about it.
You got to have a huge fucking ego to be a politician.
And Bernie has a huge fucking ego too, which is why he sucks the dick of the Democratic Party because he wants to stay in his status inside the party.
He doesn't want to beat Ralph Nader.
These pictures cry out for change.
This is Gavin Newsom.
This is my governor in California.
The Democratic governor presiding over a supermajority Democratic House and Senate.
These pictures cry out for change.
California has invested more in wildfire prevention than at any time in our history, enacted bold climate policies, but it's not enough.
We must do more.
We need action at every level.
California cannot do this alone.
Climate change is real, so please vote.
They keep acting like you have a choice about the environment when you vote.
Gavin Newsom has granted 48 new fracking permits since April.
But you got to vote.
You got to vote.
You got to vote.
Take it from a guy who hands out fracking permits like candy.
You got to vote.
Hey, Democrats control the governorships and the state legislatures across the entire West Coast.
What are you saying?
So this guy tweets out the entire West Coast is on fire.
Please stop voting for Republicans.
Every fucking...
...
And read the bottom portion too, what Jordan goes on to say.
There's a solution, but Democrats are also beholden to corporate interests and insist on telling people it's not politically feasible.
instead then offer hollow platitudes like just vote when a wall of fire engulfs an entire coastline.
Thank you.
Sesame Street says, sending hugs and safe wishes to all our friends on the West Coast who have been affected by wildfires.
Your friends on Sesame Street are here for you.
Gavin Newsom gives it a heart.
I'm just going to let you know this is the fact.
This is a fact, okay?
And this is said in a funny way, but this is a fact.
The working class says, hey, help us, please.
The Republicans say no.
The Democrats say no, but we heart Black Lives Matter and LGBT.
I feel better.
Someone made a joke.
Go ahead.
I feel better when I say that.
I feel better.
Doesn't it make you feel better?
Yeah.
They're going to fuck you, but they're going to put lube on while they do it.
That's all that is.
Someone made a joke.
They said a Democratic victory in 1860.
If it was 1860, the Democrats would be bragging about their first transgendered slave owner.
Hey, drilling for oil while California burns.
Democrats can't go green while continuing to greenlight fossil fuel production.
The Democrats taking nothing but fossil fuel money.
Jimmy, look at that image.
Look at this image.
That's horrifying.
I know.
Because we saw similar images here.
What was that five years ago or whenever the fires were covering all of this area here in the San Gabriel Valley area?
You all demand more from retail workers than politicians or the police.
Trey, you are correct.
Is it okay to demand anything from our politicians or is it just okay to all you guys can do is point fingers at the bad ones, the ones you think are bad?
They're all bad.
There's no good ones.
We're better than them.
Prove it.
No.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Johnny tweets 12 with a strong tweet.
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Hello.
Hello, Jimmy.
This is David Axelrod, host of the Axe Files.
Hey, David, what's your take on the election campaign this week?
I'm still listing my credits.
David Axelrod is also a veteran political analyst, a sage journeyman, and the bubbly co-host of Hacks on Tap.
Hacks on Tap, where aging, fuzzy white men from both parties get together in a charming darkwood bar setting to toast fraternal bonds and share stories about getting their first blue job.
What?
David Axelrod is also the founding director of the University of the Pacific's program for non-partisan politics.
Can you say that without popping your peas, Jimmy?
I can't.
The University of the Pacific's program for non-partisan politics.
Yeah, that's a hard one to do without popping your peas, David.
You think that's hard?
It used to be the University of Pacific's Program for non-partisan politics in Pomona.
So, what have you been doing lately, David Axelrod?
You mean aside from spending hours trolling chat rooms under the name Slayer Mongoose Scorpion?
Yeah, other than that, I mean.
Well, the electrifying Robert Gibbs and I just finished taping the next episode of Hacks on Path with the inevitable and charming GOP strategist Mike Murphy.
As you can imagine, emotions ran high as the passion in the room literally propelled the roof off the mother.
Why?
What happened?
I think I ate a bad pickle day.
MSNBC body language expert Janine Driver was heard to remark, I was hunched over like a man lying about his diet.
Oh, sure, the botulism nearly killed me, but it did tighten my laugh line.
Hey, hey, hey, what's playing on your other podcast?
Thank you for asking, Jimmy.
On a new and riveting episode of the Axe Files, you'll hear scintillating speaker and media watcher extraordinaire Brian Stelter recount his valiant battle against early onset male pattern balling.
But what about the November election, David?
While imbibing from a tasteful selection of artisan microbrews, the great Paul Bergala and I discuss the white knuckles of the latest swing staples.
You literally grip your seats with butt-clenching excitement on the next axe files.
Hey, what are Biden's chances?
As the great Paul Bergalis said, Joe Biden isn't just running against Donald Trump.
He's running against Russia, evil spirits, and the gravitational pull of Pluto.
Which, as you know, exhibits a force of about one quintillionth of a meter per second per day.
Paul Begalia said that.
After he ate a tainted pickle egg, yeah.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
After all the damage you've done, why are you and Paul Bagala qualified to pontificate on politics?
As a top advisor to President Obama during the years he could have done the most good for our country, but didn't, I think I bring a special insight to the issues we never tried to solve.
Which is find out on the first episode of my new podcast, Breakfast with the Rod.
Lost dreams, wasted time, and complete bullshit with pancakes.
And don't forget to wear a bib.
It's a Jimmy Door exclusive.
So you've seen the conventional wisdom is Trump is killing democracy, right?
Hey, get it done by Friday, Trump demanded.
Trump called and threatened the director of the NIH to expand the use of blood plasma.
Trump is politicizing every institution until our democracy falls.
Hashtag Maddow.
There's another corporation will save us.
Save our democracy corporation, please.
The thing that's killing it, please save it.
Manufacturing consent, please save us.
Maddow.
Rachel Maddow, the millionaire from Comcast is going to save democracy.
The millionaire propagandist.
Well, why do I bring this up?
Because Trump is politicizing every institution until our democracy falls.
Our democracy has already fallen, by the way.
We don't live in a democracy.
We live in an oligarchy.
And if you think the Democrats care about democracy, Wisconsin Supreme Court rules to keep the Green Party off the ballot.
That's from the Democratic Party.
They're not about democracy.
DNC stands for democracy.
Democracy, no, chump.
That's what it stands for.
Democracy, no, chump.
This ruling bolsters hopes for Democrats who feared presidential nominee Joe Biden could lose a small share of his votes to a third party.
Yes, Joe Biden could lose a small share of his votes to a third party and a large share of his votes to him being an awful candidate.
I said...
When you have a system where candidates feel they're entitled to votes, that might be why they won't support policies that 90% of the country actually supports.
I don't know.
I'm just guessing.
Maybe that's why Joe Biden won't support a policy that 90% of the country supports.
Like Medicare for all.
I'm sorry, 90% of his base.
The majority of Americans.
The Democrats are so weak.
They're literally afraid of Howie Hawkins.
The Democrats are so weak, they're literally afraid of Howie Hawkins, the Green Party candidate who was polling at roughly 0%.
That's how weak, that's how corrupt and awful Joe Biden and the Democrats are.
They're so horrible.
They know they can't entice anybody to come vote for them.
So they have to make sure they take any of their alternatives off the ballot.
And that's what the Democrats are doing.
Justice Brian Hegedorn, Hagedorn, broke with his fellow conservatives to form a majority with the court's liberals that kept Green Party nominee Howie Hawkins and Angela Walker off the ballot.
Which judges made this happen?
The resistance judges, baby.
They're resisting giving you a vote, your choice for vote in November.
That's what they're really doing.
They're resisting you having taking part in democracy.
The state elections commission split three to three last month.
The commission's Democratic members opposed putting green ticket on the ballot because Walker had listed two addresses on her campaign paperwork.
Two addresses are frowned upon.
Two totally different policy positions.
That's rewarded.
Walker said she listed two addresses because she moved while the Green Party collected signatures to get on the ballot.
She and Hawkins this month asked the Supreme Court to put them on the ballot, contending the State Elections Commission hadn't followed the law.
You see how afraid they are of the Green Party?
You see how afraid they are of you having a fucking choice?
Pardon my language.
Because she moved during the ballot signature process while they were qualifying for the ballot.
Because she moved, they said, oh, sorry, you don't get to get to be on the ballot.
That's great, you know, because while most members of Congress get fake addresses so it looks Like they actually live somewhere.
Changing your real one can mean you lose ballot access.
I love that.
And plus they could.
Thank you.
We were screwed, Hawkins said in a statement.
Partisan hacks should not be running elections for their own parties.
That's exactly right.
He's right.
Justice Rogensack called the Elections Commission lawless for keeping the green ticket off the ballot.
This lawsuit is not about the Green Party sleeping on its rights, she wrote in an opinion joined by the other dissenters.
It is about the treatment that independent candidates from a small political party receive from the commission who repeatedly refuse to follow the law relative to nomination papers.
So you live in a lawless society.
It's not Trump.
It's not just Trump.
The Democratic Party are every bit as craven as Donald Trump is.
And that's a fact.
Every bit as craven as Donald Trump is.
They killed more people.
They dropped more bombs.
They created the prison industrial complex.
They deregulated Wall Street.
They kicked people out of their houses.
The Democrats I'm talking about.
They're just as craven and just as horrible as Donald Trump.
I would say Donald Trump is willing to give people lip service to get a vote.
The Democrats are not.
Joe Biden won't even pretend he's going to give you health care.
Donald Trump did.
He pretended he was going to give you health care when he ran the first time.
He pretended he was going to end the wars and invest that money back home.
He pretended he was going to do infrastructure.
At least he was willing to pretend.
That's how craven and corrupt the Democrats, they won't even pretend.
They won't even give you lip service.
And of course, they're going to call it the spoiler effect.
I love how they call it.
Stop spoiling my chance to choose between two unbelievably shitty candidates.
In a separate dissent, Justice Ziegler wrote that keeping a party candidate off the ballot is the ultimate in voter suppression.
So if the Democrats are all upset about the Republicans' voter suppression, Democrats will voter suppress like that if it serves them.
And they're doing that.
They're doing it to the Green Party and Howie Hawkins.
Say what you want about the Green Party, and I have.
They get ballot access.
This idea that they don't have ballot access was bullshit.
They know how to get ballot access, even when they have to go over odds like this.
The majority decision deprives the Wisconsin people of a voice and strips them of one of the most fundamental tenets of this republic, the right to express one's will at the ballot box, Justice Ziegler wrote.
So if you're a Democrat, you don't have any principles.
If it serves you to suppress the vote, you will.
If it doesn't, you won't.
If it doesn't serve you to suppress the vote, you're going to stand up for the right to vote if you're a Democrat.
If it serves you to suppress the vote, you will shut up and suppress that vote.
And that's what they're doing because they're better than Trump.
They're stripping you of the right to express yourself at the ballot box because they're better than Trump.
You fucking chumps.
This is Addie Barkin is another one of these neoliberal hacks.
Hallelujah.
So do you see the story he's tweeting out?
Wisconsin Supreme Court rules the Green Party presidential ticket.
Ineligible.
Ineligible.
He tweets out, best news of the day by a mile.
Absentee ballots in Wisconsin can be mailed as scheduled now.
Plus, there will be no Green Party spoiler on the ballot.
The choice will be crystal clear, fascism or democracy, Trump or Biden.
The spoiler effect.
You would spoil it for one of those fascist, corporatist, warmongering maniacs.
You would spoil it for them.
They call it the spoiler effect because only spoiled people think that's a thing.
I mean, the Democratic Party are Democrats the same way doughnuts are a health food.
If the Democratic Party spent as much time trying to court Green Party voters as they did trying to keep them off the ballot, maybe they might win and maybe they might have a better climate change plan than, hey, we're going to get around to doing something about it by 2050.
Remember, this is an assault on free and fair elections, but you need to vote for the duopoly anyway.
And then maybe there'll be more fair in the future, our elections.
Remember, this is an assault on fair and free elections.
But you need to vote for the duopoly anyway.
And then maybe there will be more fair elections in the future.
Here's what Nick Browna, he retweeted that hack, Addie Barkin, and says, if stripping a party's ballot access to give Americans even fewer choices is what passes for democracy, then we have already surrendered to fascism.
We have already surrendered to fascism.
Barack Obama repealed habeas corpus, which is in the Magna Carta, which means they can arrest you and put you in jail without a trial indefinitely.
Barack Obama made that happen.
That is fascism.
That is the habeas corpus.
It's in the fucking Magna Carta.
They repealed the Magna Carta, the Democrats, Barack Obama, the most sinister motherfucker ever to be president of this country, Barack Obama.
The most destructive, sinister, Barack Obama.
The most destructive, sinister, Barack Obama.
So literally, he's saying the choice is democracy or fascism.
Well, when you're cheering on other political parties for being removed from the election, isn't that already fascism?
It is, Addie.
You're already a fascist.
The authoritarian runs, authoritarianism runs very strong on the left, very strong.
I saw somebody the other day, they didn't agree with someone.
They said we should deplatform them.
Just like that.
And then when they got called out for it, they doubled down on it.
Russia gators calling someone else a conspiracy theorist.
That's rich.
It's something when activists get caught up being hacks inside of a party like this.
Liberals celebrating the Green Party not being on the ballot due to judicial and bureaucratic bullshit is exactly why they are so despised and their performative whining about, oh my God, democracy is ending rings so hollow.
If you're paying attention, it rings hollow.
If you're not and you're rich, it sounds like you're a real ballsy person when you say Trump is taking away our democracy.
Liberals celebrating the Green Party not being on the ballot due to judicial and bureaucratic bullshit is exactly why they are so despised.
And their performative whining about, oh my God, democracy is ending, rings so hollow.
Very, very well said.
My squirrel friend, I like squirrels.
No one with a public platform dares say they support the Greens or another third party or even mention them, as they've been totally browbeaten into submission with the derange Jill Stein hysteria.
But that's not enough.
They have to actually destroy any semblance of democracy.
So just so you know, the Democrats did a very similar thing to Ralph Nader in 2004 in Oregon.
They contacted people who had signed petitions to get Ralph Nader on the ballot, and they got them to recant their signatures.
Yeah, that's what the Democrats did.
This isn't about winning votes for the Democrats.
This is about suppressing the vote.
100 million people in this country already don't vote.
Democrats know who those people are, and they're not going after their vote.
Democrats know that those who are disenfranchised, some of those 100 million people who don't vote, and they won't be able to vote green now, they're either going to write in their candidate, support another third party, or abstain, stay home.
This is about disenfranchising an independent non-corporate party.
That's what this is about.
Thank you.
And Greens have to run nationally to maintain ballot access.
And because of Bernie Sanders' sheepdogging over the last five years, there isn't a third party, the Greens that didn't get built up.
There isn't, there's nothing.
So now there's a movement for a People's Party.
There's the Greens this election.
There's also the Socialist Party.
There's also a Peace and Freedom.
This really would have been anyway.
And just so, just, you know, all candidates are flawed.
But just so just just I'll just say this about Howie Hawkins.
Howie Hawkins.
Howie Hawkins has been meeting once a month in the poorest section of Syracuse for the past 20 years so he can be a vehicle for social uplift and to have the community's concerns heard in Syracuse's political culture and budget to give poor people political power.
So that's who the Democrats are hallelujah about keeping off the ballot.
Someone who has been meeting with the poorest people in the poorest section of Syracuse, New York for over 20 years.
Proud of yourselves?
They are.
You think you're better than Trump?
You're not.
Here's Crystal Ball.
She nails it.
She says, if only the Democratic Party would fight as hard to actually win voters as they are fighting to get the Green Party kicked off the ballot.
You can't make this up.
Wisconsin Democrats just justified blocking the Green Party from the ballot by saying that allowing them on would delay printing and mailing.
Meanwhile, Pennsylvania Democrats are delaying printing and mailing in order to block the Green Party from the ballot.
The Press: The Democrats are authoritarian fascists, warmongering, corporatist tools.
And you're a chump if you think they're going to help you.
Hey, decisions from decision in front of Pennsylvania Supreme Court keeps counties from mailing out ballots.
The state Democratic Party's battle to keep the Green Party off the ballot is keeping counties from sending out mail-in ballots.
The state Democratic Party's battle to keep the Green Party off the ballot is keeping the Green Party off the ballot.
I know other shows aren't going to cover this.
I know other shows aren't going to tell you this.
That's why you watch this show.
It's easy.
I don't even have to try to do this.
Every day, the Democrats get up and think, how can I be fucking horrible?
And they all go right along with it.
Bernie goes along with it.
AOC, every member of the squad, Roe Conna, they all go along with it.
They're all part of it.
They're all fucking politicians, man.
Craven, narcissistic.
You know, politics attracts the most mediocre of people.
That's why I'm interested.
Democrats suppress the vote so they could get a warmongering psychopath like Joe Biden, who's demented and likes killing people and kicking people out of their houses.
That's what Joe Biden likes doing.
And he likes raping the earth.
He's a big fracker.
Hey, here's a great Paul Krugman.
He's such a great predictor.
Why Hillary wins?
This was October 21st, 2016.
That was a guy looking for a spot in an administration.
Overall, Americans took 9-11.
So this is why we're bringing him up.
He tweeted this out freaking today.
Yeah.
Isn't it weird in America?
We never have a memorial for March 20th.
You know what March 20th is?
March 20th is the day we decided to kill a bunch of hundreds of thousands of people in Iraq for oil, for money, in an illegal war, aggressive war for natural resources.
And we killed a bunch of Iraqis to do it.
Thank you.
That would be March 20th.
We're never going to have a memorial for that.
We have a memorial every 9-11 so we could all get together and hate on other bad people.
So, what we could do, we get together every 9-11 and we project all of our murderous rage that we actually have inside of ourselves as we're murdering people in eight different countries right now, occupying Afghanistan for 20 years, murdering people there, committing a genocide in Yemen, turning Libya into a failed state with open slave markets, dropping so many bombs in Syria that they ran out of bombs.
So, what we do is we take all that murderous rage that's actually in us as Americans and we project it onto terrorists.
We do that every 9-11.
And that would be okay if we also had a memorial on March 20th.
What's that?
That's the day we started murdering motherfuckers in Iraq for no reason.
And we were all for it, and we never made it to we never atoned for it ever.
In fact, we're still out there blowing shit up all over the place because we're still looking for the bad guys.
The bad guys is us.
We're the bad guys.
I don't care whatever Sam Harris says.
We're the bad guys.
Sam Harris is a fucking bloodthirsty maniac who talks softly.
He's an apologist for murderers.
That's what Sam Harris is.
We're the terrorists.
We are.
We're the torturers.
We are.
We didn't even give healthcare to our own fucking people.
We didn't give healthcare to our own fucking people.
Overall, Americans took 9-11 pretty calmly.
Notably, there wasn't a mass outbreak of anti-Muslim sentiment and violence, which could all too easily have happened.
And while George W. Bush was a terrible president to his credit, he tried to calm prejudice, not feed it.
Says the rich white guy.
Says the rich white guy.
Says the rich non-Iraqi white guy.
Hey, except for the war he launched on a country that had nothing to do with 9-11, except for that.
To his credit, he did kill a million people or so and bomb a few countries in the rubble to his credit.
And to his credit, he tortured many people and tried to normalize torture.
So don't forget that part.
Hey, by the way, hate crime incidents after 9-11 for Muslims.
That's what happened.
That's where they were before.
That's where they're after 9-11.
And all the way.
You propagandist.
Hey, Patriot Act, Department of Homeland Security, ICE, Guantanamo, bombing of Afghanistan for the next 19 years and counting.
Special registration program.
Over 30,000 Muslims deported.
Families and communities ripped apart.
But yeah, no mass outbreak of anti-Muslim sentiment, I guess.
My brother would be detained at American airports for hours at a time.
He was 13.
My mother would also sob and beg him not to anger those interrogating him.
She feared he would be taken to Guantanamo Bay.
Fuck you, Paul.
You lying sack of shit.
And Paul Krugman is a lying sack of shit.
And why does he lie?
He lies for the establishment.
That's who Paul Grugman is.
Hey, daily behavior wasn't drastically affected.
True.
For a while, people were afraid to fly.
My wife and I took a lovely trip to the U.S. Virgin Islands a couple of months later because airfares and hotel rooms were so cheap, but life returned to normal fairly fast.
Jesus Christ.
You really got to see the economic upside to all this.
Virgin Islands are lovely that time of year.
Paul, my mosque burned down.
Sorry about your mosque.
Want to see my vacation pictures?
Good day for a reminder that no one associated with the Bush administration or the war effort they started should be allowed to speak in public ever again.
Hey, should they be able to run for president as a Democrat, though?
Because that's what's happening.
Sadly, we know the answer to this question is yes.
They should be allowed to run.
They're going to be allowed to run for president as a Democrat.
They can run for president as a Democrat.
They can be crowned the resistance heroes by MSNBC.
And why shouldn't they be rehabilitated since we rehabilitated George W. Bush, too?
Now shut up and look at this shitty painting.
Thank you.
I can do this all day.
I hate doing this.
I'm getting tired of doing this.
I have a pain in my chest right now.
This does not bring me joy.
It's the same shit.
It gets worse, actually.
And the people who are supposed to do something about it get worse.
It's ridiculous.
I saw a guy today on Twitter say he was proud to vote Democrat.
I don't know what kind of a mental illness that is, but holy shit is that one.
Okay.
Hello.
Good afternoon and greetings.
You know, I'd recognize that voice anywhere.
Hey, it's Vladimir Putin.
I wonder if you really know who this is.
Do you really wonder, my friend?
Oh, so this isn't Vladimir Putin?
It could be him, yes.
Or it could not be me, no.
I'm sure you've read what you're being accused of trying to kill another one of your critics, right?
Do you like critics?
Give me break.
I didn't do it.
Hey, but aren't investigators saying it's the same poison used in previous attacks you're suspected of?
Garasha doesn't even have the economy of California.
I know.
I know.
If you want poison, go inhale at Port of Los Angeles.
Hey, you know there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written by Ron Placone, Mark Van Landowitz, Steph Zamorano, Jim Earl, Mike McRae, and Roger Rittenhouse.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't break out!
Don't freak out, don't freak out.
I'm not getting it.
Don't, don't, don't breathe.
Don't, don't.
Don't, don't.
Do not breathe out.
Do not breathe.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't break out.
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