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Aug. 20, 2020 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:04:33
20200820_TJDS_20200820_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hi, this is Jimmy.
Who is this?
Hi, I'm Mike Lindell, inventor of MyPillow, the most comfortable pill you'll ever own.
Manufactured right here in my home state of Minnesota, right in the USA.
Oh, hello, Mr. Lindell.
I used to smoke crack rock and drive around in a doom buggy nowhere even near sand.
But then I found the redemption and promise fulfilled in accepting the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior.
And I'm happy to say I haven't touched a doom buggy since.
That's nice.
Why are you calling?
As I stated in my 2019 memoir, I literally believe that God called me on the telephone several times.
And now I believe God has personally chosen Donald Trump to lead this great nation out of darkness.
You do, huh?
Donald Trump is the light and the way, and he will cure this pandemic with the grace of God.
And I believe, just as I believe Jesus Christ called me on my landline, that the tools to this great work are now in our hands.
Oh, yeah.
And what is that?
The oleander extract oleandrin.
Isn't that uh it's a poison?
Well, why would you or the president urge people to take poison when people say Mike Lindell, inventor of my pillow?
Why are you urging people to treat a sickness by ingesting a known toxin?
I say it looks like people have forgotten what a miracle is.
Miracles happen all the time.
The moon stays up in the sky and doesn't crash down.
Donald Trump getting elected president was a miracle.
The loan boy surviving his perilous journey.
The polar ice caps, which have been frozen for thousands of years, suddenly melting and providing us with life-giving water.
All miracles from heaven.
I don't see the connection.
If Jesus can turn water into wine, he can certainly turn poison into an efficacious treatment for a novel coronavirus.
Yeah, I don't understand how.
I don't either.
But I don't understand how.
I don't either.
But I don't understand how the moon just hangs there.
But luckily I don't need to.
I don't need to.
Well, I don't.
Ha ha ha ha!
Doesn't the fact that you sit on the board of the company that manufactures this Oleandrin have something to do with this?
When I called you, I made a vow to myself that I wasn't going to repeat my experience with Anderson Cooper.
He also asked me about that coincidence, so we're not going to talk about that now.
You might not like it, Mr. Lindell, but at some point, you're going to have to address that and explain why you want people to take poison because it's poison.
Poison is by definition something that you are supposed to avoid ingesting.
Look, what do you want from me?
Obviously, I'm completely out of my mind.
Delusional, rambling, and more or less incoherent.
But that didn't stop Anderson Cooper from putting me on television or you from taking my phone call, which leads me to believe via my way of thinking that there must be something to this whole hey-take poison thing that I'm on about these days.
You like it because I kind of sound like James the Dorman's impression of Jesse Ventura.
But look, I can't help it if these two guys already sound somewhat similar.
Okay, I see.
I guess I was just checking to see if I was missing anything.
I like to do that before I write things off.
Jimmy, I assure you you're not missing anything.
I am an insane betting entrepreneur who's going on television and telling people to take poison.
Okay, well, please stop.
No!
And Donald Trump is a con man who duped the dumbest people in this country and turned them into his own personal army.
Sometimes things are exactly as they appear.
Well, that's the first correct thing you've said.
Jimmy, I have to go.
I'm getting another call.
Do you know who I think it might be?
God!
Establishment media sets of artists lighting, so good luck.
Bullshit, we can't afford fomenting this firm.
Watching CS jack off comedian speeds and jumps the medium and hits him head-on.
It's the Jimmy Door show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
Hey, for those of you not watching the Democratic Convention, here's some of my highlights.
Apparently, low-level depression isn't something that can keep Michelle Obama from lying about her husband.
Michelle Obama condemning a culture of greed from her $12 million Martha Vineyard estate always chokes me up with emotion.
You know, five Republicans were invited to speak at the Democratic National Convention.
Putin has to be behind this.
Am I right?
Come on.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Well, Biden is losing his lead over Trump in the polls, and yet Biden still won't support Medicare for all in the middle of a pandemic.
The DNC convention is getting low ratings.
Does that mean we will get low voter turnout.
Plus, the real reason that Kamala Harris flip-flops on Medicare for All.
Plus, Republican John Kasich gets more time at the Democratic National Convention than AOC.
Does AOC push back only as much as her careerism in Nancy Pelosi will let her?
Plus, we got phone calls today from Barack Obama, Chris Christie, David Axelrod, and the CEO of My Pillow, Mike Lindell.
Plus, a lot, lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door Show.
So, I don't know if you saw the convention last night.
Apparently, not a lot of people did because boom, TV ratings, Democratic convention numbers down for night one.
Well, it should get a couple more Republicans on there.
That should get the numbers up.
Viewership on ABC, CBS, NBC, and CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC went down about 28% compared to the opening night of the 2016 Democratic Convention.
The broadcast network suffered the biggest drops.
ABC, CBS, and NBC combined for about 6.7 million viewers at 10 p.m.
Off by about 42% from the 11.6 million who tuned in four years ago.
So, does that mean we're going to have a lower turnout than we did even in 2016?
You know, 100 million people didn't vote in 2016.
The biggest voting block is People who don't vote in America.
What a thriving democracy, huh?
What a vibrant democracy.
The biggest block of people in the country are the people who don't participate, don't vote.
The next biggest block are people who are not affiliated with either party.
But who runs it?
The least popular people in the country, the two parties.
The big four broadcast networks, otherwise, Aaron repeats in primetime Monday.
The CW got steady numbers from Whose Line Is It Anyway?
And Penn and Tellers Fool Us.
That Penn and Tellers Fool Us is a good show.
I like that show.
So there you go.
DNC's their convention not making it happen.
All right.
So I don't know.
I didn't watch the DNC.
Not going to watch it.
Steph, did you watch the DNC last night?
No, I didn't.
But my impression is that they should have a new slogan like suck it.
I really think that should be their slogan.
Suck it.
Democrats.
Well, was it?
Didn't Joe Biden just say just suck it up and vote for Joe?
You just have to swallow it.
She said, which is very close to suck it.
She said, swallow it.
Didn't Joe Biden say that?
Remember, we did a video about maybe your candidates, maybe Joe's not as good as your candidate on healthcare or the environment or regulations Or workers or students or foreign wars.
But you just have to suck it up and vote for him.
Swallow it.
She said, swallow.
You just have to swallow it.
I'm almost positive she said that.
The Democrats' strategy from 2016.
You remember it?
Second point.
For every blue-collar Democrat we will lose in Western PA, we will pick up two, three moderate Republicans in the suburbs of Philadelphia.
And you can repeat that in Ohio and Illinois and Wisconsin.
The voters who are most out there figuring out that was their strategy.
How'd that work out for you?
So the Democrats literally trying to appeal to Republicans to vote for them because they know what they're offering appeals to them.
And what they're offering doesn't appeal to workers or the 100 million people who don't vote.
What the Democrats are offering is stuff that appeals to right-wing Republicans.
And how did that work?
You lost to a game show host, a political novice.
And so, how's that going for you?
Well, flurry of polls show Biden's lead over Trump narrowing.
So you saw the strategy.
The strategy is to have John Kasich and three other Republicans go up at the DNC, Marginalize and disparage the progressive wing of the party, which is what he did, and he did it specifically calling out AOC.
That's what you get, AOC, by the way, for going along with Nancy Pelosi.
He okays a speech from a Republican at your own convention that shits on you.
And so, and it's not even working.
So they're doing the same thing they did last time.
The same thing, trying to appeal to Republicans.
Flurry of polls show Biden's lead over Trump narrowing.
Here's a new CNN national poll: Biden and Harris 50%.
Trump and Pence, 46%.
Oh, all of a sudden it's a race.
All of a sudden, that 10-point read.
Remember all the headlines?
Hillary Clinton, 99% favorite to win.
Do you remember those?
Well, we're three months away from the election, and Trump is now tightening the race.
And here it is.
Now they're within, look at that, within four points.
That's a 10-point shift towards Trump in one month.
A 10-point shift towards Trump in one month.
And why?
Because Joe Biden is running as a Republican.
He picked a Wall Street darling, A corrupt cop to be his vice president, a cop.
He picked a cop famous for using prison labor.
And why?
Why did she get to use prison labor?
Because Joe Biden wrote the bill that put all those people in prison.
He made sure there was money for more prisons, not schools, and so did Kamala Harris.
And now they're appealing to Republicans to vote for them.
And Trump just narrowed the gap by 10 points in one month.
But, Jimmy, what about the battleground stats?
So what?
National.
Who cares?
What about the swing states?
That's what really matters.
Oh, okay.
CNN poll in 15 battleground states.
Biden, 49 percent.
Trump, 48 percent.
Trump, 48 percent.
Statistical dead heat in the swing states.
So do you still want to wag your finger at people like me on Twitter and Facebook and say, grow up and vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris?
Or do you want to make a tweet saying Joe Biden and Kamala Harris should try to go win the vote of actual progressives by doing crazy things like, I don't know, provide health care for people.
Not affordable.
Not affordable, not access, but provide health care for people like the rest of the fucking world does.
Maybe do that.
Hey, maybe say you're going to let people out of prison who are there in marijuana conventions.
Maybe you make marijuana not illegal.
Maybe you make it legalized.
Maybe you make Medicare for 50%.
They're doing nothing.
They won't do anything.
They won't give you student debt relief.
They won't give you mortgage relief.
They're doing nothing for you.
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.
There you go.
And then they're going to blame Bernie again, and they'll blame me again.
And I guess they'll probably blame Jill Stein again, even though she's not running.
Biden suggests he would veto Medicare for all over its price tag.
Do you want to know why Trump just in one month was able to narrow the gap by 10 points?
Because Joe Biden and Kamala Harris and the Democratic Party are bent on not offering you anything.
Remember, it's up to them to come get your vote.
You don't owe your vote to them.
That's what they're counting on.
That's not how politics works.
If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris don't have enough votes to win in November, they have to come get them.
How do you come get them?
Maybe you offer people Medicare for all, seeing that nine out of ten Democrats are for Medicare for all, including a majority of Trump voters are for single-payer health care.
Maybe you offer it to them.
And so that's this is my plea to all the blue check assholes on Twitter and in the world.
Hey, maybe don't make a tweet voter shaming or trying to bully someone into voting.
Maybe make a tweet at a politician and pressure them into actually doing something for people to make them want to fucking vote for you.
Here's Joe Biden being asked that question.
Why won't you do something to help the people and get a vote?
Here's what he says.
Watch this.
The pandemic has exposed, as I've mentioned, so many weaknesses in the healthcare system.
The most vulnerable, often black and brown communities, have been handling much of the financial burden.
Before the pandemic, you were against a comprehensive single-payer system.
Now, if Medicare for all came across your desk as the pandemic has hit so hard, would you veto it?
It's not going to come across my desk, but look, the pandemic has not only torn through our nation, devastating families and wrecking economies, it's exacerbated some of the worst inequities.
I'm going to fight for health and health equities, but you don't need now.
It's health equities, Steph.
It's not even affordable or it's not even access.
I'm going to fight for health equities.
Jimmy, do you have health equities?
Are you enjoying your health equities?
I don't know if I have them or not.
Do you need a pill for that?
Is it cream?
How do you get rid of your health equities?
So he can't even say, no, I wouldn't veto Medicare if she's going to, it won't come out my desk.
So don't worry.
You don't have to hear me say I'll be an asshole.
Here, he's got more.
Quickest way to get that is for black and Latino Americans to have access to the Obamacare with a public option.
That's the quickest way we can get everybody covered.
But has the pandemic and the tsunami.
So Obamacare, remind me, Jimmy, was Obamacare a Democratic idea?
Where did Obamacare come from?
Obamacare was a conservative idea and a conservative think tank called the Heritage Foundation, first implemented by Mitt Romney, Republican governor of Massachusetts.
And then when Barack Obama and Joe Biden got into the White House, they decided, hey, let's do the right-wing health care plan, even though we have complete control of supermajority in the Senate, complete control of the House, and a black guy in the White House, Democrat.
What do we do?
Let's implement a right-wing health care plan.
Let's do a giveaway to the health insurance companies in the big pharma that leaves people out, that doesn't help people.
But hasn't this pandemic and the tsunami of layoffs shown the limits of private health care that is tied to employment?
No, it hasn't, in my view.
There's countries.
No, it hasn't.
No, it hasn't.
This pandemic has not laid bare the inequities in our health care system.
He said, no, it hasn't.
What?
Have, in fact, single-payer systems that hadn't helped them very much either.
The question is.
What?
Did you hear what he just said?
No, it hasn't, in my view.
There's countries that have, in fact, single-payer systems that hadn't helped them very much either.
The question is.
You mean, except we have our country is 38th ranked in health outcomes, 38th, somewhere behind probably Moldova.
We're 38th in the world in health outcomes.
Single payers don't help those countries.
What kind of bullshit is he?
And now you know why Trump might beat him.
He won't even give you health care in a pandemic, and blue checks are going to whack their finger at us and tell us we have to do this.
Fuck you.
Joe Biden has to come get my vote and he has to offer me health care in a pandemic.
That's my red line.
That's my bottom line.
That's my divide.
That's it.
Bottom line.
You can't cross it.
So if Joe Biden wants my vote, he has to offer me health care.
He has to at least give me lip service.
And he won't even do that.
So I ain't voting for him until he does.
Jimmy, you're not promising somebody your vote right now in August.
Jimmy, seriously, you're not promising them your vote.
I don't know why.
I think it's fairly smart for a voter to pledge their vote three months ahead of time to a politician who is offering them shit.
Why wouldn't you say, hey, you want my vote?
Come get it.
That's what you're supposed to say.
You're not supposed to say, I'm going to vote for Joe Biden three months ahead of the goddamn election, you fucking child.
You willing dupe.
You willing lemon.
Lemon?
Lemming.
So, Jimmy, I would say most of the people that are going to hit the stage for the DNC are not for Medicare for all, not about giving you a job program.
They're Republicans.
And they're taking away all the safety nets.
And I would say the majority of the people who you're going to see on stage, if you dare watch it, the next stop will be taking away your Social Security and privatizing it.
That is correct.
Well, guess what?
So he says that our system isn't, there's nothing, it didn't lay bare the inequities of our system.
Over 25 million Americans at risk of losing health care as coronavirus pandemic rages.
It's been real hard for me.
That's from August 5th, CBS News.
Over 25 million Americans are at risk of losing their health care.
And Joe Biden says, no, no, our system's good.
We got a good system here.
Now vote for me.
87% of Democrats support Medicare for all, though Joe Biden doesn't.
And you still are supposed to vote for him.
And you're not supposed to tell him that he has to come around to our point of view for us to vote for him.
You're not supposed to do that.
You can't do that.
Or else Judd Appetal tweet at you.
And the entire left, this is almost the entirety of the left is doing this.
It's not just blue check assholes.
Everybody's telling you to do this.
Even public radio.
I mean, real public radio, not pretend NPR, corporate radio, which is NPR.
Yale study says Medicare for All would save us the United States $450 billion and prevent nearly 70,000 deaths a year.
No, thank you.
No, thanks.
I badly need you.
Biden makes impassioned plea to progress at Progressive Conference, to Progressive Conference.
He needs us.
So tell him you're not voting for him.
Come get my vote.
Tell him you're not voting for him until he offers us Medicare for all.
Tell him.
We badly need Medicare for all.
We badly need a Green New Deal.
We badly need UBI.
We badly need rent cancellation.
We badly need to defund police.
We badly need to abolish ICE.
We badly need reparations.
If you badly need us, Joe, support our needs instead of the oligarchies.
That's what we bet.
You badly need our support.
Well, this is the shit we badly need.
Now go fucking advocate for it.
Or else you don't get my vote.
And as Lawrence O'Donnell said, until you are willing to demonstrate to the Democratic Party that you are willing to not vote for them, they will never listen to you.
So I am willing.
I was willing last time.
And at the beginning, there was a lot of people willing to come along with me this time.
Now everybody's lost their spine.
All to take, anyway.
So there you go.
And anybody who tells you you got to vote blue or vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris because Trump tells them to go fuck themselves and tell them that you should tweet at Joe Biden and Kamala Harris that they have to come get my vote.
Hey, why don't you offer people something?
I want to play this one more time.
Has exposed, as I've mentioned, so many weaknesses in the healthcare system.
The most vulnerable, often black and brown communities, have been handling much of the financial burden.
Before the pandemic, you were against a comprehensive single-payer system.
Now, if Medicare for all came across your desk as the pandemic has hit so hard, would you veto it?
It's not going to come across my desk.
So just listen to what he's really saying there when he says it's not going to come across my desk.
What is he really saying?
What he's really saying is that a Democratic Congress under a Biden presidency will not put Medicare for all on his desk.
Think about that.
A policy that most Americans want and nine out of 10 Democrats want.
A Democratic Biden is telling you right now that a Democratic Congress will never pass that.
A Democrat.
He's telling you a Democratic Congress will never pass Medicare for all.
That's what Joe Biden is saying.
It will never, a Democratic Congress will never pass Medicare for all.
So if Biden is right, why should anybody ever vote for a Democrat?
If he's right, why would you ever keep voting fucking Democrat?
It's time to stop voting Democrat.
It's time for that party to implode.
And it's time for a new party.
It's time for a people's party.
And we're having the People's Convention August 30th, 31st or 30th, 30th.
30th.
And we're going to be broadcasting it on this channel.
And there's going to be a lot of speakers.
I don't know who I'm allowed to announce, but I know Nina Turner is going to be there in Cornell West for sure.
And there's like three or four brand new big names just came on this week.
I'm not allowed to say.
All right.
But we'll know.
We'll know tomorrow a few more, and then we'll know.
It's coming up.
So just think about that.
Think about what Joe Biden's saying.
Joe Biden is saying that if you vote for a Democratic Congress, a Democratic Congress will never pass Medicare for all.
Oh, good.
David Axelrod's calling me.
Maybe he can help me unpack the Democratic Convention.
Hello, Jimmy.
This is David.
Axe Me Anything, Axelrod.
Senior CNN political commentator, author, believer, avid furry, and host of the Axe Files podcast.
Go ahead.
Axe Me Anything.
What's your impression of the Democratic Convention so far?
So you're not going to ask me about being a furry?
No, I mean, what's a furry?
That's why I dress up as a furry woodland creature.
And hang it.
Hang out with other furries.
We're just people who wear animal costumes.
We're not freaks.
That sounds nice.
Now, how about the convention?
There's nothing sexual about it, so don't even go there.
We decide to dress up as giant animals three times a month and get into fights over food.
What about the convention?
It was a solid first night, Jimmy.
Overall, it was good to see so many diverse people coming together to address the promise of America.
By the way, inclusion and belongingness are central themes at your typical furry convention.
But why litter the nights with so many Republicans like John Kasich?
John Kasich wasn't saying Joe is conservative.
He was saying Joe is willing to work with his colleagues across the aisle.
And there's a great and powerful hunger, a longing to embrace that message of unity.
I thought it was wise to put this message of unity within that visual architecture.
The chipmunk is a prodigious burrower and will often greet intruders with a high-pitched chip-chip sound and Bernie Sand and Bernie Sanders and Bernie Sanders.
Come on.
This was a totally cohesive embrace of pragmatism by Bernie Sanders.
They're coming together in this passionate embrace.
Sanders is very well oiled in the digital space, but Joe is ramping up his social influencers.
The furry movement has a wide social media presence.
My avatar or fursona is a mole.
Your fur sona.
Did you think your first?
Did you think the speakers did a good job of making the case for Joe Biden?
From a storytelling aspect, did the speakers tell the story of his journey?
What is the arc of his story?
Was it convincingly told?
In telling the movie story of her journey, what Joe Biden did was further root Joe Biden culturally as a neighbor, friend, and someone whose decency and values Americans recognize and share.
As a sign of friendship, many furries will rub up against each other in fur-lined rooms called hoggle dens.
Jesus Christ.
Do you think Joe Biden has a real chance of beating Donald Trump?
Great question, Jimmy.
I'll be sure to burrow into that issue on my next axe files.
I'll be joined by the electric ROM and the iconic Paul Bergawa.
I'll be putting aside my usual fur sona in order to engage Rom and Paul as woodchucks.
Good talk, good people.
Do it up.
Do it up.
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Thanks for your support.
So, John Kerry gave a speech last night at the Democratic Convention.
You want to hear it?
Hi, I'm John Kerry.
For the eight years of the Obama-Biden administration, we led by example.
We eliminated the threat of an Iran with a nuclear weapon.
We built a 68-nation coalition to destroy ISIS.
Donald Trump inherited a growing economy and a more peaceful world.
And like everything else he inherited, he bankrupted it.
When this president goes overseas, it isn't a goodwill mission.
It's a blooper reel.
He breaks up with our allies and writes love letters to dictators.
America deserves a president who is looked up to, not laughed at.
Donald Trump pretends Russia didn't attack our elections.
And now he does nothing about Russia putting a bounty on our troops.
So he won't defend our country.
He doesn't know how to defend our troops.
The only person he's interested in defending is himself.
So John Kerry's right about one point.
Trump's foreign policy is incoherent.
But Joe Biden's foreign policy, his entire career, is consistently imperialist.
Joe Biden voted for the Iraq war.
Not only did he vote for it, he was one of the most vocal and active advocates for the Iraq war.
He wagged his finger at Democrats who opposed the Iraq war, even after it was started.
Under Biden and Obama, under Joe Biden, we did Libya, Yemen, and Syria.
Joe Biden took Bush's two wars and turned them into seven wars.
Remember back in 2007, Biden's big idea then was partitioning the Middle East.
Yeah, that really worked for the British.
Colin Powell endorsed Joe Biden, the guy who helped lie us into the Iraq war.
Well, that's reassuring.
Was Henry Kissinger too busy vacationing with the Clintons to endorse?
You think I'm kidding?
First of all, Kerry stands by his yes vote on Iraq.
That's August 10th, 2004.
That's August 10th, 2004.
John Kerry stands by.
John Kerry stands by.
Yes, vote on Iraq.
Thank you.
Dumber than a pothead comedian in Pasadena.
You want to hear, here's Colin Powell.
You want to hear his speech?
By the way, keep in mind, bonafide war criminal, bonafide war criminal who intentionally lied us into a war.
He wasn't duped.
He knew exactly what he was doing.
And the shit he did in Vietnam was also horrible.
Hi, I'm former Secretary of State Colin Powell.
Our country needs a commander-in-chief who takes care of our troops in the same way he would his own family.
But Joe Biden, that doesn't need teaching.
He will trust our diplomats and our intelligence community, not the flattery of dictators and despots.
They will know he means business.
They will know he means business because, you know, we blow shit up illegally all the time.
You know, Joe Biden, he did Iraq.
Remember Joe Biden?
He was on board.
Remember Joe Biden?
He did Libya.
Remember Joe Biden?
They tried to do Syria.
That's Joe Biden.
Remember Yemen?
That's Joe Biden.
Keeping us in Afghanistan.
That's Joe Biden.
And they'll know he means business.
Now, unlike the dictator that Donald Trump hangs pals around with dictators, unlike the dictators you palled around with, how about the dictator who runs Saudi Arabia, a religious theocracy that persecutes women and gay people on the regular?
but that's an okay But that's an okay dictator.
There's okay dictators, right?
As long as they do your bidding.
I support Joe Biden because beginning on day one, he will restore Americans' leadership and our moral authority.
Our moral authority.
When did we lose that moral authority?
I guess when Donald Trump got elected, but we had it when you were in the White House and you were doing illegal wars and being a war criminal.
So a war criminal is going to restore you.
Really?
He'll be a president who knows that America is strongest when, as he has said, we lead both by the power of our example and the example of our power.
These guys are such fucking bloodthirsty assholes.
Colin Powell's an asshole and a fucking rank liar and a war criminal.
He's a dupe to the machine, and he always will be.
And if we got to kill some brown people in another country to get their oil, then fuck it, he's going to help them do it.
He's not dignified.
He has no dignity.
He has no integrity.
He's the worst type of person in the world.
He's a pretender.
He presents himself as, oh, look, and I'm chivalrous and I have integrity.
He's a war criminal and he's a willing one.
Lie after lie, what Colin Powell knew about Iraq's 15 years ago, Iraq 15 years ago, and what he told the UN.
The evidence, the subtitle to this article in the intercept, a subtitle, is the evidence is irrefutable.
Powell consciously deceived the world in 2003.
That's the subtitle.
The evidence is irrefutable.
Powell consciously deceived the world in his 2003 presentation, making the case for war with Saddam Hussein.
Here's more from last night.
Here's more from last night.
Donald Trump has had a love fest with dictators, including China and Russia.
He hasn't been standing up to them at all.
So that's the Democratic Party encouraging Donald Trump to be more bellicose and sable-rattering with two nuclear powers.
That's the Democrats attacking Trump from the right.
That's the Democrats.
He knows exactly what's at stake when he sends our troops overseas.
Joe Biden does.
That's what that guy was saying.
That's Lieutenant General bullshitter.
Jack Weinstein.
The Russians offered bounties on U.S. soldiers.
I was shocked when I read that.
Yeah, you know why you were shocked?
Because it was complete bullshit and you couldn't believe they would do such a shitty lie.
Is that why you were shocked?
Or were you shocked because you're a naive little child or because you're just a paid liar?
I think you're shocked because you're a paid liar.
I don't think you were shocked at all because you knew that was bullshit.
Just like I, how in the fuck did I know it was bullshit?
A pothead comedian in my goddamn garage in Pasadena, but a fuck this jagoff from this ex-general bullshitter.
He didn't know it was bullshit.
I fucking knew it.
Then you're the dumbest guy in the fucking world, sir.
And you should get the fuck out of the military because you're going to be in killing a lot of the wrong people.
You fucking moron on purpose.
You bloodthirsty maniac.
Oh, here's from NBC News.
U.S. officials say intel on Russian bounties, less than conclusive.
But this guy.
He knows exactly what's at stake when he sends our troops overseas.
The Russians offered bounties on U.S. soldiers.
I was shocked when I read that.
But the president didn't even ask Vladimir Putin about it.
That's un-American.
But it's not un-American to McCarthy smear our president or anyone you disagree with politically.
That's not un-American.
That's the definition of un-American.
You call your political opponents traitors?
That's the definition of un-American.
But this guy doesn't have a shame button.
He's a hired killer, by the way.
That's what he does for a fucking living.
And now he's doing McCarthy smears for what?
For more war.
This guy's not a good person because he has a short haircut and a tie.
This guy's a fucking maniac liar from the word go.
Okay, so there you go.
That's what's happening.
And can I tell you, mainstream media is the failure.
This is a presidential race where voters are deciding who their next commander in chief is going to be, and nobody has asked Joe Biden about his foreign policy.
Is he going to end the wars?
Is he going to bring the troops home?
What is he going to do for peace?
Now he's trying to outhawk Trump on China.
Americans shouldn't be angry at China.
They should be angry at Wall Street and multinational companies who send their jobs to China.
I don't know what out-of-touch advisors have Trump's ear right now.
We're in a pandemic and an economic depression.
They think saying Biden is too left is going to win the election.
If Trump did any of the things that got him elected in 2016 right now, any of the things he promised when he ran in 2016, like giving health care for all, legalizing marijuana, bringing the troops home and regulating Wall Street corruption, if he did one of those things, he would win.
But Trump is too stupid to win this election.
The president who gives America a single-payer health care system is going to be put on Mount Rushmore.
The American people are desperate.
They're losing their jobs.
They're losing their health care.
They can't make rent.
They can't stay in their homes.
And Congress isn't doing anything.
And nobody is excited about Joe Biden.
Nobody is excited about Joe Biden.
Trump could swoop in and be a hero and win this election, but he's just too stupid to do it.
Hey, Chris Christie's calling me.
Hello.
Yeah.
You heard the news, hot chat?
Mr. Big Podcast Journalist Day.
You pip-squeaking, whiny little Muppet with the I know everything attitude up there when you're high horse sitting on your throne of truth.
Mr. Professor Brains with the big thick glasses and your pointy stick pointed shit and going, fucking day.
No, I haven't heard the news.
What news?
This is Chris Christie, by the way.
Yeah, I know that.
What's the news, Chris?
In the New York Post.
In big black and whites, the commander-in-chief is being assisted by a close group of confidants, meaning me and assisting him with the helping of President Trump prepare for the debates.
I got a very important responsibility as a duties thing here.
A lot of pressure.
And he specifically regrets me to help.
So you're going to help Trump prepare for the upcoming debates with Biden?
That's right, Lois Lane.
I bet you didn't know that during the last debate prespirations, I played the role of Hillary Clinton.
You played Hillary Clinton to help Trump practice for the 2016 debates.
Bingo, Professor.
I put on a frilly little dainty skirt and hopped all around, delicate.
Like, oh, look at me.
I'm Hillary in my frilly little dating skirt for all the seats.
Just like you do every morning, right, Hasha?
But Hillary wears pantsuits, buddy.
Why did you have to wear a skirt?
I didn't have to wear anything.
What are you getting at?
Why would you have to even dress up as a woman if you're just drilling him on the issues?
Oh, shit.
Okay, you just stopped it right there.
Putting on a skirt doesn't mean you like dressing up as a woman, all right?
Uh-huh.
I was getting into character to help Donna with the practicing, so stop it.
What you do what you want to do.
I'm not making any judgments here, Chris.
I was just wondering.
Wondering what?
Nothing.
No, seriously, what are you getting at?
Why would you have to wear a skirt just to help Trump prepare for the debates with Hillary Clinton?
That's how should I know?
Jared couldn't find a pantsuit my size.
Why?
What are you getting at?
What's with this line of questioning, you don't need so?
How are you helping Trump prepare for the debates with Biden?
They found me a frilly little dainty skirt to dress up.
No, how are you helping Trump respond to the debate questions?
Oh, that you know the thing he did with Hillary bearing down on her, getting all up in her space like she was heckling him at a fucking ball game.
Yeah, I taught him that technique.
Only this time it's going to be better.
This time, when he does it, the Biden is going to have a death clutch on a plate of snoop with nachos, Supreme Deluxe, with extra pico de Goyo.
Some of them dark green olives sliced nice and neatly around a little dollop of sour cream and a sprig of cilantros.
Oh, God.
But right now, we're going to talk about Joe Biden's vice presidential pick.
Oh, I'm so excited.
Joe Biden thought that people who needed health care needed a big kick in the balls, so he picked Kamala Harris as his vice president.
Here's how she here's how she feels about.
Again, why would you pick, what do you get for picking her?
Doesn't help you electorally at all.
She got no votes in the primary.
She's a cop in an anti-cop era.
Oh, I get it.
Gets to tell the progressives to sit on it.
I get it.
You get to tell the progressives, up your ass.
Pound sand.
So here's what she used to say about Medicare for all.
The reason that I am supporting Medicare for all is this week.
It's pretty basic.
I believe that it's simply the moral and ethical thing to do.
Health care should be a right for everyone in this country and not a privilege for the few.
We need to have a system where we're being smart, where we're maximizing our ability to ensure that every American has access to health care.
And we know the best way to deal with an epidemic is prevention first.
Caring for a sick person once they get to the emergency room is too little, too late, and just too expensive.
With Medicare for All as our goal, we will be able to ensure that Americans are having access to the health care that they need from the day they are born and for the rest of their lives.
It's smart for us as taxpayers, and most importantly, it's just the right thing to do.
Oh, that's great.
She knows it's morally right.
It's the right thing to do.
It makes sense.
It saves money.
It's a moral imperative.
She's 100%.
It turns out, wait a minute, all that stuff was bullshit.
Turns out Harris is shifting her position on Medicare for all.
She's shifting her position.
So what that means is when she says she supports something to gain favor with a certain constituency, then she gains that favor and then she immediately backpedals.
Like when I was a kid, I would say, Bob, I'll take out the garbage if I can use the car tonight.
And then I wouldn't take out the garbage and I would just go use the car.
And she would go, what the heck you're supposed to take out the guy?
I go, I shifted my position on that.
Try that at home, kids.
I got what I want.
Here we go.
Also, Kamala Harris unveils Medicare for All plan that preserves private insurance.
She also runs an extermination company that leaves the pests in your house and compromises with them.
Preserves private insurance.
Kamala Harris no longer supports Bernie Sanders' Medicare for All plan.
Do you see her to see the shift?
I bet she told her staff about that one, huh?
Hey, here we go.
As Kamala Harris joins the Biden ticket, Wall Street sighs in relief.
And that's right after they just got sighing in relief over Joe Biden being the nominee.
I mean, I'm glad to see Wall Street finally could sigh in relief because this pandemic's been really hard on them.
Wall Street executives are glad Joe Biden picked Kamala Harris to be running mate.
Because when the DNC says unity, that's what they mean.
Unity with their donors.
Unity with their donors.
Wall Street executives are there.
It is.
There's the key points to this story.
Wall Street leaders on Tuesday chaired Joe Biden's selection of Senator Kamala Harris as his running mate in the presidential election.
Financial advisory firm Signum Global is already telling its clients that the choice of Harris reinforces the notion that the Democratic ticket is more moderate than progressive.
Hey, just in case with Joe Biden, you weren't sure.
We're letting you know again, not a progressive ticket.
Unless getting the guy who wrote the crime bill and was for the Iraq war vows to veto Medicare for all, even during a pandemic, in case you still weren't convinced it's not a progressive ticket, she's a cop.
How Kamala Harris helps Biden's Medicare at 60 plan.
You know, four years ago, Hillary's was at 50 Medicare.
We're going backwards.
In the midst of a pandemic.
In the midst of a pandemic.
Hey, by the way, how do you help Biden's Medicare at 60 plan besides pretending it's not just complete and utter bullshit?
How do you help it?
How do you help it?
Biden-Harris 2020 unveils their version of Medicare for All, which involves putting everyone in jail.
Thank you.
Yep, three hots in a cot, healthcare.
And if you're lucky, you might even get to fight a wildfire for a dollar a day.
And don't forget, we're going to have the police shoot you in the leg instead.
Biden-Harris 2020.
This country deserves Donald Trump.
This is what you're doing.
You got two assholes, Joe Biden, who's going to be an asshole and deny you health care, or Donald Trump is going to be an asshole and deny you health care.
You get an asshole who's going to deny you health care and expand the military with hair transplants, or you get a guy who's going to expand the military and deny you health care with a combo.
This is a failed state, ladies and gentlemen.
Participating in these elections pretends that our government is actually functioning.
It's not.
It's 100% corrupt.
The people who you're told to vote for are vowing to fuck you over.
You're supposed to vote for Joe Biden and Kamal Harris.
They're vowing to fuck you over.
They're vowing to.
They're vowing to deny you health care.
Vowing.
Oh, but Jimmy, once they're elected in an office, we'll be able to push them towards Medicare for all.
I mean, all the facts show that.
All the facts have shown you historically that once they're elected in office, they do the bidding of the people.
I've seen it time and time again.
That's right.
That's right.
It's not when they're trying to get your vote that you have the power of the voter.
No.
No, no, it's after you already voted and pledge your vote for them.
That's when they do everything for you.
It's just the dumbest brain infection, this vote blue.
It's a brain infection.
It should be in the DSM-5.
This is pathological that people are in public telling people that we have, instead of telling people it's about time to revolt, it's about time to get in the streets and revolt because this is ridiculous.
This is ridiculous.
Come on, Jimmy.
This is rewarding corruption at the highest level.
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are two of the most corrupt motherfuckers in the world.
This is just rewarding it.
Go ahead.
Jimmy, they have manners.
They have manners.
They speak nicely.
And they're not.
Sometimes Joe gets a little disoriented just about being Joe, but Kamala has her heart in the right place when she puts you in prison because she doesn't want it to be a pipeline from school to prison.
So she's just going to put you directly in prison.
That's right.
So the failed Democratic Party has been getting away without doing any self-reflection or an autopsy on how they could lose to a political novice game show host who wasn't even trying to win Donald Trump.
And they've done none of it.
What they've done is an evidence-free conspiracy theory called Russia Gate.
And now everybody, everyone on the left has become McCarthyists and doing McCarthy-like smears of anybody who's their political opponent.
And I thought it would end after the Mueller report came out that said there was no evidence to show collusion or a conspiracy, criminal conspiracy between Trump, his campaign, and the Russians.
Then it didn't.
And then I thought it would end after a crowd strike, which is the ones who said Russia's, they were the ones who investigated and said Russia, they admitted they didn't have any evidence that that actually happened, that Russia was responsible for anything.
I thought it would end.
That's not ending.
It's just like the long-form birth certificate for Barack Obama.
Remember, it never ended.
It's not ending.
So this isn't ending.
It has nothing to do with fact.
It has to do with people don't like Donald Trump.
And so instead of actually talking about issues and holding the Democratic Party responsible for losing to them, they just go out on a crazy hysteria conspiracy about Russia and Russia Gate.
And why?
Because it makes them feel good.
It actually doesn't do anything.
They're children.
Again, we're adult children of alcoholics in this country.
So here's Nancy Pelosi.
She went on the news, and here she is on the CNNs, and she's still doing it.
Still doing it.
China would prefer Joe Biden, whether they do.
That's their conclusion that they would prefer Joe Piden.
Russia is actively 24-7 interfering in our election.
They did so in 2016, and they are doing so now.
Crazy, she says she forgot to wear her tinfoil hat for this.
Isn't that something?
She's got her mask, no tinfoil hat.
How much do you think those earrings cost?
And they say that to a certain extent, but they need to tell the American people more.
The American people, I believe, think they should decide who the president of the United States is, not Vladimir Putin.
So now who's undermining the trust in our elections?
Is it Donald Trump or is it Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats and the establishment media?
You remember in 2016, it was all, oh, Trump isn't, he's undermining the integrity of our elections.
He's not going to respect the election decision.
He won't respect it.
Do you remember that?
Guess who didn't respect it?
Nancy Pelosi, the media, Hillary Clinton, and the entire Democratic Party.
That's who didn't expect.
They went right into McCarthyism.
They went right into telling Americans that their elections aren't safe, that their elections are easily rigged by another country.
That's what she's doing.
She's making it up.
Is Snopes going to do a thing on her?
No.
Snopes is not going to do a thing on her.
And, you know, Jimmy, I just want to point out, you know, that all along, she can't say anything what the Democrats stand for.
Like anytime that, you know, right now that there'd be a platform, it's my homage to Nancy.
To Nancy.
You know, right now.
You know, she hasn't, she has no, like right now, she wants to just talk about Russia.
She wants to talk about Putin because she doesn't have any policies that would help the regular American citizen.
You're 100% right.
And the polls are starting to move the other way.
The race is tightening.
And they're getting ready for their next excuse of why the Democrats lost twice to Donald Trump.
Making that decision for her.
So that's her scaring the hell out of the American people, making them think that their elections are rigged by a foreign power because they can't beat a game show host because they're so corrupt.
It doesn't end.
Here's Kamal Harris.
So that's what they start to do, right?
That's what they start to do.
They did it then.
They will do it now.
You know, people have said, if you look at, for example, the whole, remember the whole, the heat that ended up around the bend the knee and Colin Kaepernick.
Many smart people have said it actually was not a thing.
The Russian bots started taking it was the Russian bots.
Was it the Russian bots who told every owner of an NFL team not to hire Colin Kaepernick?
What does she mean it wasn't actually a thing?
Like Callan Kaepernick wasn't actually kneeling down or that people weren't actually overreacting to it.
It was the Russians.
It was Putin who reached out to all those coaches and said, don't sign a mobile quarterback.
It was Putin that did that.
Really?
Yes.
You feel like you're being targeted by Russian bots now?
Well, we already know we are.
I have no evidence.
We already know we are.
Yeah, Russia's, they're doing everything.
You know, the way to solve our country's prejudices is to blame it on another country.
If Russia is so against Kamala Harris, like she just said, why did Trump make campaign donations to Kamala Harris?
Boy, talk about your 4D chess, huh?
So that was just Russian bots.
The Colin Kaepernick thing was all Russian bots, according to her.
So I guess all those people burning Colin Kaepernick's jerseys, that all was happening in Moscow?
I had no idea there were so many 49ers fans in Moscow.
So blaming Russia for everything is the DNC's version of speaking in tongues.
And by the way, just so I can let the Democrats know, and if you're not a regular viewer of this show, here's from Forbes.
Reports: CIA conducted cyber attacks against Iran, Russia, after a secret Trump order in 2018.
What?
I thought he was in bed with Putin.
Putin's controlling the American president and everything in our elections and all our protest movements are all Russian and everything is Russia.
Turns out America is conducting cyber attacks against Russia on the order of Donald Trump.
The authorization issued sometime in 2018 offered the U.S. spy agency more freedom to conduct cyber operations and choose its target without the White House's approval.
So, CIA, go attack anybody you want, including Russia.
The move has allowed the agency to engage in offensive cyber operations against adversarial countries, including Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea.
So, the CIA got their new Cold War, baby.
We got our new Cold War.
They got it with all these countries, Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea.
They got it.
Since the order was signed, the CIA has reportedly carried out at least a dozen operations that were on its wish list.
According to the report, former U.S. officials were concerned about the use of hack and dump tactics, raising uncomfortable comparisons.
Our government is basically turning into effing WikiLeaks using secure communications on the dark web with dissidents hacking and dumping, said a former official.
So, this, I mean, do you know why the rest of the world laughs at us over this Russia stuff?
I hope you do.
I remember a writer, was it Amanda Marcotta?
Is that her name?
For the Huffington Post?
She went to a journalism, some kind of symposium in Europe in like 2017, and she was like, Yeah, they all think the Russia stuff's crazy here.
That was it.
I don't think she wrote an article.
She just kind of tweeted it.
She didn't put it actually in an article.
No one's going to go against, you can't go against the establishment narrative and keep a job in journalism in America, which is why Journalism in America is horrible.
Journalism is in America is horrible, which is why I could do a better job than them every time, without a doubt.
So, there you go.
They're not stopping.
They're not stopping.
She's not stopping.
They're not stopping.
Hope you're happy.
Hope you're effing happy.
Hey, Barack Obama's calling me.
Hello.
Hey, Jimmy.
Have you been watching the convention?
I'm trying not to, buddy.
Well, you're missing out.
Change is coming.
Abnormalism is on the way out.
Hope and normalcy are on the way in.
Or as I call it, hopefully.
Don't worry, son.
We got the Harris bump.
The Harris bump.
Yeah, man.
The latest CNF ball.
Folks love Kamala Harris.
The bump shows it.
We got the bump.
Bump bumping bump.
We got the bump.
Bump bumping bump.
Hey, you know there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorrComedy.com.
Sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written by Ron Placone, Mark Van Landowitz, Deph Zamarano, Jim Earl, Mike McRae, and Roger Rittenhouse.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
Do not, you got it.
Do not freak.
You do not freak.
Do not freak out.
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