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April 16, 2020 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:09:47
20200416_TJDS_20200415_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello.
Oh.
Oh, fucking hell.
I hate myself.
What have I done?
I can't believe I just did that.
What is wrong with me?
I can't help you, Bernie.
You didn't have to drop out.
You didn't have to endorse Joe Biden.
No, I just put a grocery bag down on my kitchen table.
Now I got to resanitize the goddamn thing all over again.
Was the table infected and now I got to sanitize the grocery bag?
I can't remember.
What did I touch last?
Then where?
Jay!
Oh, I thought you were upset with yourself over endorsing Joe Biden.
Sorry.
No apology necessary, Jimmy.
Jay!
There's a spray bottle of rubbing alcohol.
Don't tell me Kitty Dukakis got into it again.
Goddamn ice cream socials.
I could never seem to avoid them nowadays.
Bernie, you should be social distancing, not hosting get-togethers with old centrists at your house.
I have been social distancing from the only people in my campaign who wanted me to win.
Uh-huh.
They're the ones you got to stay away from.
Yeah.
What with all their infectious talk of going for the jugula and fighting until the end of the convention?
Irresponsible.
It's like you've already been taken down by a virus, Bernie.
You need to keep away from centrists.
It's dangerous.
I'm telling you.
Oh, don't say that.
Centrists are friends of mine.
I respect centrists.
And scientists now believe all loser centrists and their families are immune the coronavirus.
Oh, and what about Medicare for all, Wall Street corruption, climate change fracking, and Joe Biden's mental health?
You just revealed my plan B, young man.
Rather than fight it out all the way to the convention like any sensible politician might, I'm counting on Joe getting caught wandering aimlessly in his pajamas in a Delaware shopping mall.
That's when a lonely nation will turn its lonely eyes to me for leadership.
That doesn't sound like a practical solution, Bernie.
Oh, here we go.
Great.
Here we go with the free ponies and pixie the shit again.
The New York Times says Obama called you three times in late March.
What did you talk about?
He told me to pull up my pants, which I admit is a valid criticism.
Yes.
Something about my hips, and you know, my belt sucks.
He told me I just need to put another hole in between the two holes that are too tight or too loose.
Does that have happened to you?
Bernie, what possible advantage did you get by dropping out so early?
Very simple.
I was able to extract the concrete pledge from Barack Obama that he won't call me the Ralph Nader of 2020 when Trump gets re-elected.
Yep.
Now for your penance, say three, I like Joe Biden's, and don't vote Jack Tonson's.
Establishment media sucks, all gaslighting, so good luck, bullshit we can't afford, he's fomenting this, whoa, watch and see as he jacks off, the median speeds and jumps the medium and hits them head on, it's the Chimitor Show.
Chimitor Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
Hey, let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
Breaking news.
Pandemic experts warned that coronavirus victims who lost their sense of smell, more likely to vote for Biden.
Come on.
Because he's a stinky candidate.
And now the Jimmy Dore Show presents a short history of capitalism.
1931, people stand in breadlines.
2020, people sit in their cars in breadlines.
Thank you.
That was a presentation of a short history of capitalism.
And California Governor Gavin Newsom just approved new fracking permits in his state.
Because during a pandemic, the last thing you need to worry about is not having enough gas in your drinking water.
Am I right?
Come on, people.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Contrary to popular beliefs and a report in the intercept, AOC did not vote no on the stimulus corporate giveaway bill that she now says she's against.
Plus, Obama gaslights non-stop in an endorsement video for Joe Biden.
And the intercept editor caught lying still over Russia Gate.
Plus, we got phone calls from Jake Tapper, David Axelrod, Bernie Sanders, and Barack Obama.
Plus a lot lot more.
That's today on The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy, it's Jake Camper.
Oh, hi, Jake.
How you doing?
From the lead with Jake Camper.
Right, Jake, right, I got it.
Right.
Which I want to make very clear, I am very happy hosting.
I am thrilled and always have been to be a part of the CNN family.
Okay.
In case, you know, any top brass from CNN may be listening.
I just want to make that clear.
Yeah, from what I gather, your colleague Chris Cuomo went on a rant the other day on his XM Sirius radio show where he revealed how unhappy he is at CNN.
Oh, is that so?
I hadn't heard about that.
Well, that's unfortunate considering how coveted his time slot is.
Yeah, apparently he said, I don't like what I do professionally.
I don't think it's worth my time.
Huh?
That's very intriguing.
What a contrast between the two of us.
I adore what I do.
And I can't really think of how I could spend my time better.
Unless, you know, what I did, maybe I do it later in the evening.
I mean, that's the only thing of.
Oh, you mean like a later time slot?
I mean, I guess that's what that's called.
I mean, if you want to throw around showbiz lingo.
Chris Cuobo also then said, I don't value indulging irrationality, hyper-partisanship.
Sounds as if he feels like he's being forced to grandstand there on your network.
Well, Jimmy, I'm sorry, but if by grandstanding, you mean starting every program with a planned anti-Trump diatribe, primarily theatrical in nature, not designed to illuminate the structural injustices and failings that his presidency is exposing, but rather speak to a sense of aesthetics that centrist liberals feel like he's violating, then Jimmy, consider me the grandest of standards.
Okay, I will.
And Jimmy, if you consider it hyper-partisanship or indulging irrationality to immediately after said diatribe, have on as a guest some Trump toady that I intermittently scold and engage in a coordinated rhetorical square dance cynically intended to solidify viewership.
Well, then, Jimmy, call me a hyper-partisan paw kettle or whatever that would be called.
Right.
Because I do it proudly.
It's good cable news, and I'm a company man.
In case you're listening, you know, my favorite part of Chris's rant is where he said he's mad he doesn't get to beat people up.
Yeah, he really fucked up there.
I mean, what?
Yeah, Jake, he said that because he's a celebrity, he just has to take whatever people say to him in public.
Some guy bothered him the other day, and he said it kills him that he couldn't tell the guy to shut your mouth, or I will do to you the way guys do to each other.
Wow.
Yes.
Between you and me, it kind of sounds like the guy's got an anger problem.
Not me.
I don't want to beat anybody up.
I don't even know how.
Oh, come on, Jake.
Honest, Jimmy.
I gladly let people walk all over me in public.
I acknowledge that it's part of the price of celebrity to allow every Tom, Dick, and Harry to devastatingly humiliate me wherever I go.
It's a shame that Chris doesn't also see it that way.
You can't be serious.
Jimmy, I licked some fat guy's shoe the other day just because he told me to.
If I had refused, it just would have been a bad luck.
It would have devalued my role as tribune of the people.
Then he told me to go fuck my mother.
I took that as figurative.
Anyway, would Chris Cuomo have done that?
No.
Yeah, I don't think so either.
Maybe, just maybe.
CNN might need to rethink whether he really is the prime time anchor.
I mean, it is prime time.
They may need more of a prime team player in that slot.
You mean like Don Lemon?
Yeah.
That Wall Street worshiping lady who came from CNBC, Trixie Moneybags.
You mean Aaron Burnett?
No.
No.
Ron Placone.
Who the fuck?
No, me, ding it.
Talking about me.
I'm suffocating in a shit-ass time slot.
And meanwhile, this violent dago bully who's done nothing but benefit from nepotism his whole life gets prime time.
Give me a break.
Jimmy, I gotta spread these wings.
I have so much equivocation to offer, so much pandering in my heart.
Jimmy, I have it in me to invite Nancy Pelosi on my show and call her brave to her face.
I can feel it.
Why don't you just do your own show on the internet like we do?
Are you kidding?
I'd rather lick that fat guy's other shoe.
Nice.
You guys know that it's all show that Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats oppose Donald Trump.
Because here she is signing Trump's NAFTA.
Here she is extending the Patriot Act, expanding Trump's spying powers.
Here she is signing the biggest military budget in history.
And here she is ripping up Medicare for all.
That's who Nancy Pelosi is.
She is Trump in a pantsuit.
Okay?
I know that's that really, Jimmy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'll debate anybody on it.
She's actually worse than Trump, just like Barack Obama was worse than Mitt Romney.
Could you imagine if John McCain won the presidency in 2008 and then kicked 5.1 million families out of their house while he made the banks bigger, made Bush's tax cuts permanent and took us from two wars to seven, the left would have been in the street fucking burning shit down.
But because Barack Obama did it, nobody said a word.
Nobody said a word, including Bernie Sanders, till this day won't critique Barack Obama on that.
Where is a master legislator now that we need her?
We're running out of money here, Speaker Pelosi.
What are you doing to help the worker bees to get what we need?
Give us something aside from your yapping at Trump.
Be the leader.
Where's her master legislator?
Where's her master?
She got none.
I say she made sure corporations and oligarchs got trillions without taking care of workers or anyone else's health care during a pandemic.
Yes.
Before addressing health care needs during a deadly pandemic, Speaker Pelosi used all her power to protect oligarchy and screw you.
The squad went along.
I showed you a couple of fundraising letters that I've been getting about how they're touting what they got for you and the stimulus, the Democrats and progressives.
So this is from AOC.
And she had sent out this thing.
It says, Republicans in the Senate have sold us out.
They've handed the House a COVID-19 response bill that has one of the biggest corporate bailouts in history and gives working families just crumbs in comparison.
We have been forced to choose, hand over billions of massive corporations or our community's getting out the egg.
And so he tweeted this out saying, and this is also very bad from AOC.
It wasn't just Senate Republicans when the bill was negotiated by Chuck Schumer and approved 96 to nothing.
So this goes along with the theme of they'll let you ran and rave all you want and give speeches as long as you don't call out the actual Democratic leadership or your own party and you go along with the bill.
And so at the bottom, there's a call to action.
It says, take action right now.
Fight alongside us and demand an additional COVID-19 bailout bill that puts our hospitals, our medical workers, and our families first.
This would be the fourth stimulus.
Now you're getting around to it.
Do you see what I'm saying?
And Killer said the last bill was the one you had all your leverage and you didn't do it and you didn't do nothing.
And I know that AOC didn't negotiate the bill, but you're supposed to call out your leadership, Nancy Pelosi.
Anyway, so you know.
This is also.
So now the intercept is doing this project.
So Dave Dane also then tweets this out.
He says, this is good.
This is a good project.
He says, so far, AOC, the only Democratic no vote.
So what the Intercept is doing is they're going around, they're trying to figure out how everybody voted on the stimulus.
Two weeks ago, which sounds super useful.
Right?
That sounds super useful.
Right.
Two weeks ago, Steph.
Well put.
So they're trying to find out.
And what they're doing is they're asking just asking people how they voted.
And they're even asking you to ask your representatives and get back to the intercept if you find out.
Not kidding.
I'll show you that at the end, too.
So the intercept, the headline is it's a scandal that we don't know who supported the coronavirus bailout.
And it is.
And you know why we don't know?
Because Nancy Pelosi engineered it that way.
Okay?
That's right.
And the only person that stands up and asked for a recorded vote was a Republican, Thomas Massey.
So it is a scandal.
So it's a scandal.
So what Nancy Pelosi engineered was a scandal, and not one Democrat called her out for it.
Only one Republican did, Thomas Massey.
That's the scandal.
That's what people should be asking AOC and everybody else in Congress.
Why didn't you call out Nancy Pelosi?
No one's even calling out Nancy Pelosi.
Why did you do this?
Why didn't you send it back to the Senate?
Say, no, we have to split this.
Why the hell did nothing happen?
There was no fight, nothing.
No one's even asking these questions.
So in here, they say they're giving the impression that AOC, they don't actually say that.
I'll show you what they say.
What I said is, I said, FYI reports that AOC voted against the stimulus are not accurate.
There is no evidence.
I need evidence.
There is no evidence whatsoever that AOC voted against the corporate giveaway.
She did not call for a recorded vote.
So then she forfeited her right to say which way she voted.
Post statements equal propaganda.
Post-vote statements.
So after you voted, and it's called unanimous consent, by the way.
Did you know that?
So the intercept, this is the article that the intercept's working on.
And this sounds like a useful thing by Lee Fong, Ida Chavez.
Sounds like a useful thing.
It's a scandal that we don't know.
Who supported the coronavirus bailout?
Help us find out.
They're asking for our help.
The decision to use unanimous consent by voice vote was justified as necessary to protect lawmakers who could not travel to Washington, D.C. because of potential health risks.
But procedures could have been implemented to allow distance voting in an emergency.
After the Senate voted 96 to nothing for something that AOC refers to as shameful and crumbs for working families.
That's what she said in her speech.
It was shameful and it was crumbs for working families and it passed 96 to nothing.
How's the country supposed to know this is a debacle?
What?
So after the Senate voted 96 to approve nothing to prove the bill, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Democrat of California, formally rejected voting by proxy, voting by proxy voting or any move toward electronic voting in the run-up to the vote.
On the day that the House took up the CARES Act, that's the stimulus bill we're talking about.
Stimulus 3, majority leader Stenny Hoyer, Democrat Maryland, stated that he had called enough lawmakers back to form a quorum and implemented a special rule for unanimous consent.
The biggest 4.2 trillion, that takes a special rule.
Nobody gets held accountable for that one.
Isn't that something?
Ocasio-Cortez, here it is.
Ocasio-Cortez, who called the legislation a shameful corporate bailout in an impassioned floor speech that went viral, would have voted against the bill her office confirmed.
Great quote.
What?
That's it.
Would have?
Is this what people are basing their hey AOC voted against it on?
That two weeks after the bill, which has now been exposed to be an unbelievable screwing of America, like we're run by a mafia instead of representatives.
Now that it's been super revealed and some people have been screaming about it, two weeks later, her office says she would have voted against the bill.
Her office confirmed it.
Confirmed.
Well, how did she vote?
Because that doesn't say how she did.
That says how she would have.
If there was a, that's how she would have, if there was a recorded vote.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda are words we don't use.
They just depress us and give us the blues.
So the question should be then, well, why didn't you, if she would have voted against it and wants people to know that, why wouldn't you make a stink that we have a recorded vote like Thomas Massey did?
In an interview, this is also in the article that everyone's basing that, hey, Ocasio-Cortez voted no on this.
I said she, of course, you know me, I'm saying she didn't.
She voted yes.
And she likes to, if she would like to correct me, she's welcome to come on the show and do so.
She will never do that.
Well, what's really interesting, did any of them come out that very day and say for the record how they voted?
No, but two weeks later, their office.
Two weeks later.
Two weeks later, their office.
Hold on, how did I vote?
Two weeks later, an article says she would have.
Doesn't even say she did.
So then it goes on to say, in an interview with Democracy Now on Tuesday morning, Ocasio-Cortez said she wouldn't slight any member for how they voted.
Well, if it's shameful and it's crumbs for workers, why wouldn't you slight anybody for how they voted on this?
Like, what is going on?
So this is why people don't think they should be upset because she's not even upset at her colleagues who voted for it.
She's not going to slight anybody for it.
To me, that's like nuts.
Why wouldn't you?
Why wouldn't you be upset at your caucus?
Why wouldn't at least the progressive caucus vote against this?
Why wouldn't you slide?
What is that?
That's bending the need of the party.
Something you say is shameful and crumbs for working families.
But it's cool, but if you guys are going to do it, whatever.
I'm going to shut up.
I'm not going to ever say anything about it to you.
But I will go and say it on Twitter and call out Republicans that aren't you.
That's ridiculous.
Tell me how that isn't ridiculous.
She said she wouldn't slight any member for how they voted, but could not bring myself to ultimately support this bill because I believe that people will soon see the extraordinary asymmetrical assistance that went to corporations two weeks after the bill she said.
Two weeks after the bill passed.
She said that then two weeks later.
And what do you mean you couldn't support it?
Does that mean you didn't vote for it?
Again, I don't see that her saying she didn't vote for it.
Does anyone see that she says she didn't vote for it?
That is not saying she didn't vote for it or voted no.
And no one will ask why are you doing, why are you letting your leadership get away with doing this bullshit non-recorded vote?
And now here, and so here is the, this is at the end of the article.
Intercept says the intercept's roll call is in progress below.
If you have information about the position taken to your congressperson or any congressperson on the list, fill out our survey here.
Please include evidence of the lawmakers' position, a screenshot of an email or a link to a tweet or online statement.
We're also interested in whether your congressperson was present for the vote.
So this is include, this doesn't get how they voted.
This gets how they're going to say they feel now, two weeks later.
Do you understand the reason why?
So you can't, you can't accept.
So, oh, well, my congressperson.
Yeah, that's how they feel two weeks later, but you don't, that's this isn't really finding out how they voted.
Just so you know.
And why do you say that, Jimmy?
Well, that's the way that the reason why they voted this way without it being recorded is so they can do this very thing so people like AOC could say, I didn't support it.
Well, why didn't you make sure that it went on the record then that you think, oh, because then I would have to say something to Nancy Pelosi?
Here's the vote.
You want to see the vote?
Here it is.
All time for debate has expired.
Pursuant to House Resolution 911.
The previous question is ordered on the motion.
The question is on adoption of the motion.
Those in favor say aye.
Those opposed say no.
The ayes have it.
Mr. Speaker.
For what purposes, gentlemen, seek recognition?
Did you hear the no's?
Let me listen.
I don't know.
Say no.
The aye.
Now, of course, that's not conclusive, but whoever is yelling no certainly has a Lou Rawls kind of resonance to his voice.
No.
Maybe, maybe that's how AOC yells no.
Maybe she sounds like Lou Rawls.
No.
Oh, my lady love.
No.
My up, my down, my lady love.
No.
Is that how maybe AOC?
I've never heard her yell no.
Maybe that's how she yells no.
Maybe she goes, she goes, and I'm telling you one thing.
This is crowded.
No.
Say aye.
Those opposed say no.
The eyes.
That's actually clearer than you would think.
I think that's a lot clearer.
I'm going to do that.
And there's one person who went on the record.
And I'm going to show you.
Those opposed say no.
The eyes have it.
Those opposed say no.
That's certainly, I don't know if you're allowed to even say this anymore, but that certainly sounds like a dude.
What does that sound like to you?
That sounds like someone like, no, it sounds like that.
And if I wanted my voice to be heard.
Those in favor say aye.
Those opposed say no.
No.
The eyes have it.
Mr. Speaker.
I'd make sure my voice was heard.
If I wanted to take a fucking stand later.
Son of certainly, I would certainly make sure my voice was heard too.
If I wanted to say later that I was against it.
So this is bullshit.
So, okay, so this is what happened after.
For what purposes, gentlemen, seek recognition?
Mr. Speaker, I came here to make sure our Republic doesn't die by unanimous consent in an empty chamber, and I request a recorded vote.
Yes, Massey.
Recorded vote is requested.
Those favoring a recorded vote will rise and remain standing until counted.
An insubmission number having risen, a recorded vote is refused.
Mr. Speaker, is the gentleman recognized?
I object on the basis that a quorum is not present and make a point of order that a quorum is not present.
The chair will count for a quorum.
Counted for a quorum.
A quorum is present.
The motion is adopted.
Without objection, a motion to reconsider is laid upon the table.
We just screwed America.
Pursuant to sensitive consultancy millionaires ourselves.
On Tuesday, March 31st, 2020.
That's what they're trying.
They're like, do you know how big of a dick we just suck to all our donors?
Look how empty that it is pretty empty.
So based on that, they say that, and then based on that article, which I showed you, which the intercept is clearly not, to me, they're clearly not saying she said voted no.
They're saying her office said she would have and that she said on Democracy Now that she couldn't support the bill.
At no point in that article that I read, and I again, good chance I missed it.
So if I did, please point it out to me and I'll correct the record.
But I didn't see anywhere in that article that they said that she voted no.
So I think that when you go, this is a good press.
So far, AOC, the only Democrat no vote.
Well, I don't, I don't see, but I guess, but they are listing it, though.
And then someone here says, do we actually know AOC voted no?
I haven't seen any reporting on her actual vote, just her speech.
And Dave says, she said she would have voted no after the fact.
Dun, dun, dun, dun.
What the fuck?
That's not that.
You get what that answer is, everybody, right?
That's not voting no.
So it might be listed in the tally at the intercept as a no vote, but I'm going to challenge the veracity of that reporting.
How about that?
How about that?
So Dave David said she said she would have voted no after the fact, which is a which is a bad proxy.
You'll see lots of no votes once this goes south.
So even he knows this is a game that people are going to, now it's two weeks after.
People see how shitty this is.
We have to do another one because people didn't get any health care and people can't pay their rent and people can't pay their credit card bill.
People have no idea what they're going to do.
We have to go, please give people the, please give us a fourth stimulus because we gave away all our leverage.
And so he's exactly right.
So what Dave Davis said, you're going to see a lot more people claim they voted no also, which is what OLC is doing.
She's claiming she voted no.
Like that should be the headline.
AOC claims, maybe claims, but she didn't even claim.
Far as I saw, the only thing AOC said was that she couldn't support the bill.
She wouldn't slight anybody else for how they voted.
Why wouldn't you slight somebody for voting on such a destructive bill?
Why wouldn't you do that?
So just that phrase.
And I'm not going to slight.
I'm not going to be upset that you voted for it.
And that she would have and that she would have.
None of those are a no, that she voted no, just so you know, because you know that's how politicians speak.
That's how, because they speak like lawyers.
They try to leave themselves wiggle room to technically not be lying.
So Dave goes on to say, you'll see lots of no votes once this goes south.
He's right.
Like the next intercept article will be headline, you can't believe all the people are saying they voted no now.
Not just AOC.
So he goes, you'll see lots of no votes once this goes south.
But because there was no recorded vote, all we have, it's all we have to go on.
Yeah, that's not evidence.
AOC, two weeks after the fact, saying she, A, couldn't support it.
And the other thing was, I forget what now I can remember.
She didn't say no.
And she was reasonably critical in saying no early.
It's the best we got.
That's not evidence.
All I'm saying is that's not, I would like to see evidence.
That's all.
Because I'm not going to take a politician's word for something two weeks after the fact.
And if you are, then I'm going to say, once again, thanks for the lane.
I appreciate it.
Thanks for the lane, everybody else.
I appreciate it.
So, if you would like to go get your news from people who take politicians' word for something two weeks after the fact with no corroborating evidence, then go watch those shows.
Here, I'm going to challenge the fucking veracity of a politician's statement if there's no corroborating evidence, especially if it's self-serving and two weeks after the goddamn fact.
I think that's healthy skepticism that a journalist.
I'm not a journalist, I'm just a Jagoff nightclub comedian who happens to do a better job than 99% of the journalists do because I didn't do Russia Gate for fucking three years.
And by the way, the impeachment, it's now a politico.
Politico is this an article revealing that they feel that Bernie not being able to campaign in South Carolina and the rural areas of Iowa because he was at the impeachment is what really hurt him too.
By design, so and so Russia Gate impeachment gate, but they, you know, that this is what the establishment uses.
So, lefties fuck themselves.
Then they walk right through that door.
So, by the way, I would love for if I hope I'm wrong.
It would be nice to know we had one person vote no on this.
It would be what would be really nice is to know that one person called out Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer for this bill.
That's what would be really nice.
But that's not what happened.
And that's the real issue anyway.
Not whether she personally voted no or yes, but that she didn't call out her leadership for a negotiating such a horrible bill.
What is the point of us taking over the house?
What was the point?
I mean, I say us.
What was the point of the Democrats taking over the House?
What was the point of the Justice Democrats running if they're going to vote for this ultimate screwing of America and not call out their own leadership?
The whole point of the Just Democrats is they call out the corporate Democrats.
None of them said anything about Nancy Pelosi's way she handled this.
It passed 96 to nothing in the Senate.
So Bernie gave them no cover to do it.
And so it didn't get done.
And now they're going to, now that everyone's left, all we're left to do is pretend that AOC voted no on it when there's act.
There's absolutely no evidence that she did.
You can say she did.
You can put it in a box on a graph and put it in a news article and say she did.
But that doesn't mean she did.
Just like you could say Trump colluded with the Russians to swing the election and they hacked the DNC server, but there's absolutely not a shred of evidence that that happened.
So you can say it, and they're going to keep saying this.
It'll be now reported widely that she voted no.
You can keep saying it, but until I see evidence, I'm going to challenge the veracity of that assertion.
Hello.
Hello, Jimmy.
This is David Axelrod.
Star of David Axelrod Sea Axe Files.
And how is your special lady doing tonight?
It's not night, and she's okay.
Thanks.
Are you ready to have your passion sparked?
No, I mean, I don't know.
What are you talking about?
Try listening to my other podcast, Hacks on Tap.
It's a light-hearted take on current issues hosted by passionate truth tellers like myself and the great Ryan Emmanuel.
This week, we immersed ourselves in the totally mind-blowing online endorsement of Joe Biden by Bernie Sanders.
Oh, really?
What was your take on that?
There's no doubt about it.
This quick, warm, and unambiguous endorsement is a huge and important boost for a candidate who lies a lot and likes to sniff girls.
Do you think it's going to help Biden win?
Oh, absolutely.
You can already tell the difference in the campaign.
Joe wasn't wandering in and out of the frame like usual.
The lighting and color saturation was superb.
You could clearly tell who the winner was and who the pleading supplicant was in this magnificent battle between two war-wary American heroes.
It was Grant surrendering to Lee all over again.
I wept like a foolish child.
Lee surrendered to Grant, David.
Now is not the time to relitigate the past, Jimmy.
This is the year and now.
And now is the time for Bernie and Liz Warren to help Joe Biden expand his digital footprint with their prodigious digital bases.
What?
What?
Bernie's going to give you all your names and all your money to the fuckers who smeared him for three years.
Can't people just ask for their contributions back?
They could use the money now that most of their donors are unemployed.
You want to risk a prodigious digital footprint by pulling out of the prodigious digital base?
Really?
Yes.
Jimmy, it's time to paper over our differences and project the United Front.
I have over 40 years of experience in politics.
But I think most people voted for Sanders because of the issues, not because of brand loyalty to his campaign, right?
I understand his supporters are very passionate about the causes Bernie articulated with great passion.
But now is the time for his disparate elements of negativist nabobs to congeal into a homogenous amalgam of pupa-esque milk toasters awaiting their next overflowing syringe of brain butter.
In other words, shut up and be a good old soldier for Wall Street.
That's not very respectful.
I got bombarded with tweets saying this on Twitter, many of which I won't repeat here.
But for your information, I'm not a mullet-headed nitty-jigg, nor will I ever pleasure myself with a Stuckey's pecan log.
That's terrible.
I know.
I was all what?
So if you don't want another four years of Donald Trump blamed on you again, you better get your people in line.
It's up to you to earn Joe Biden's respect.
And it's up to you to make Joe win the White House, not Joe.
He doesn't even know what year it is.
Sound reasonable?
Hello?
That's not very civil.
I was going to invite him on my new podcast, David Axelrod.
Say what?
So here's Barack Obama, and here he is endorsing Joe Biden.
Let's see.
These aren't normal times.
As we all manage our way through a pandemic unlike anything we've seen in a century, Michelle and I hope that you and your families are safe and well.
If you've lost somebody to this virus, or if someone in your life is sick, or if you're one of the millions suffering economic hardship, please know that you're In our prayers.
Please know that you're not alone.
Because now is the time for all of us to help where we can and to be there for each other as neighbors, as co-workers, and as fellow citizens.
In fact, over the past weeks, we've seen plenty of examples.
Because I don't know if you remember the last time we had a big crisis like this, I kicked 5.1 million families out on the street.
Instead of helping them, I fucked them over as hard as you could fuck anyone over.
He didn't say that part.
He's acting like he actually helps people in a crisis.
Barack Obama doesn't help people in crises.
Barack Obama fucks people over who are in crisis.
The kind of courage, kindness, and selflessness that we're going to need to get through one of the most difficult times in our history.
Michelle and I have been amazed at the incredible bravery of our medical professionals who are putting their lives on the line to save others.
The public servants and health officials battling this disease.
The workers taking risks every day to keep our economy running.
And everyone who's making their own sacrifice at home with their families, all for the greater good.
But if there's one thing we've learned as a country from moments of great crisis, is that our leaders will use that moment to fuck you over even harder and enrich their donor class friends, turning us into a banana republic.
There's anything we've learned, that would be the thing we've learned.
Right, Barack?
It's that the spirit of looking out for one another can't be restricted to our homes or our workplaces or our neighborhoods or our houses of worship.
It also has to be reflected in our national government.
This guy is a fucking cocksucker.
This motherfucking guy, this guy who used government to fuck people over harder than they've ever been fucked over before or since, is now acting like he's Santa Claus.
Now he's acting like he actually gives a shit about people.
He's acting like when there was a crisis like this when he was president, he actually fucking helped people when he didn't.
What a lying charlatan.
This is why we have Trump.
You want to know why you have Trump?
Because of Barack Obama, his horrible leadership, his fucking over of people in crisis.
The kind of leadership that's guided by knowledge and experience.
Honesty and humility.
Honesty.
Empathy.
Empathy.
Grace.
That kind of leadership doesn't just belong in our state capitals and mayor's office.
It belongs in the White House.
Oh, grace.
How about when you let it play out?
Remember when that, when they were cracking the heads of peaceful protesters, you let it play.
I'm going to let them do it.
We've learned as a country from moments of great crisis.
It's that the spirit of looking out for one another can't be restricted to our homes or our workplaces or our neighborhoods or our houses of worship.
Or drones.
It also has to be reflected in our national government.
The kind of leadership that's guided by knowledge and experience.
Honesty and humility.
You mean like Joe Biden?
Empathy and grace.
That kind of leadership doesn't just belong in our state capitals and mayor's offices.
It belongs in the White House.
And that's why I'm so proud to endorse Joe Biden for president of the United States.
A guy who, when we had a crisis last time, helped me screw you over so hard.
He was my conduit directly to Wall Street and the insurance industry.
Remember, he helped pass a bankruptcy bill that made it harder for people in crisis.
That's what we do.
We're Democrats.
We're wolves in sheep's clothing.
We screw you over worse than Republicans.
And this is the guy who's endorsing somebody who has dementia.
Yeah, dementia.
So now Barack Obama gets his chance to lie to you.
Just like Bernie had his chance yesterday to lie to you, that Joe Biden is a good guy and he should be president.
Joe Biden is not a good guy and he's demented and he shouldn't be anywhere near.
They should take his car keys away, let alone the fucking keys to the government.
He's going to have his finger on the nuclear football, really?
And Barack Obama is going to lie to you.
And Bernie Sanders is going to lie to you.
That's leadership that they're going to gaslight their own followers into thinking that Joe Biden isn't demented.
That's a real revolution you got going there, Bernie.
Here we go.
Joe, to be my vice president, was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Oh my God.
He became a close friend.
And I believe Joe has all the qualities we need in a president right now.
Demented, has a horrible track record, is a warmongerer, is in the pocket of big business, Wall Street, health insurance, bike pharma.
It's everything we need right now.
Oh, and fossil fuels and has vowed to veto the solution to the problem right now, which is universal health care, Medicare for all.
Do you understand why we have Trump?
We have Trump because we got a guy like this who's a fucking liar.
Thousand percent corrupt, screwed over people when they were in dire situations, deported more Hispanics than all the presidents combined.
That's why you got Donald Trump, because people are desperate because of fucking pieces of shit like Barack Obama and Joe Biden.
And now Bernie tells you to vote for that guy.
Whose own life has taught him how to persevere, how to bounce back when you've been knocked down.
When Joe talks with parents who've lost their jobs, we hear the son of a man who once knew the pain of having to tell his children.
You know what else we know?
Joe Biden, didn't he have an $8 million health care bill for his kid that he was going to have to sell his house to pay for?
And then you gave him the money.
The two guys who engineered that health care system that bankrupted Joe Biden kid when he got cancer.
You guys are, you guys, there aren't words strong enough to describe what craven pieces of shit you and Joe Biden are.
There aren't words strong enough.
And fuck the media that props you up.
That's why we have a show.
And fuck the progressive media who props you up.
Lost his.
When Joe talks about opportunity for our kids, we hear the young father who took the train home each night so he could tuck his children into bed.
And we hear the influence of Jill, a lifelong teacher.
When Joe talks to families who've lost a hero, we hear another parent of an American veteran who has led people into illegal wars and gotten them killed and has helped kill millions of other people.
He's a warmonger in chief.
He's a maniac.
He's a sociopathia killer, just like I am.
I'm Barack Obama.
I'm urging you to vote for another sociopathic killer like Joe Biden.
A kindred spirit.
Somebody whose faith has endured the hardest loss there is.
That's Joe.
Through all his trials, he's never once forgotten the values or the moral fiber that his parents passed on to him and that made him who he is.
That's what steals his faith in God, in America, and in all of us.
That steal made him an incredible partner when I needed one the most.
Joe was there as we rebuilt from the Great Recession and rescued the American auto industry.
He was the one asking what every policy would do for the middle class and everyone striving to get into the middle class.
That's why I asked him to implement the Recovery Act, which saved millions of jobs and got People back on their feet because Joe gets stuck.
This motherfucker, this craven, lying, gaslighting piece of shit who flew into Flint, Michigan, slipped a glass of water, and left those people to die, is now pretending he helped people during the Great Recession.
And you know why he gets a lot is able to do this 12 years after the fact?
Because Bernie Sanders and no prominent Democrat ever made a critique of it, which is why we got Donald Trump, which is why we're going to get four more years of Donald Trump.
Do you think this is going to do anything?
Do you think this is going to make people vote for Joe Biden?
This makes people trust government less because everyone knows Barack Obama's lying, just like Bernie Sanders was lying yesterday when he said Joe Biden would be a good president.
Joe Biden is demented and they should take his car keys away.
I bet they already have.
I bet they've already taken Joe Biden's car keys away from him.
And then you got fucking neoliberal tools of war and destruction like Barack Obama, a wolf in sheep's clothing, the enemy of the people, Barack Obama, major war criminal, Barack Obama, telling you to vote Joe Biden.
You think this is how this is the establishment.
But they don't give a shit if Biden doesn't win because they already got their guy.
Donald Trump is their guy.
And if you're a Trump voter and you think Trump is there to stick it to the establishment, you got another thing coming.
He is the establishment.
His cabinet is the swamp.
You know, his biggest legislative achievement, besides this giveaway to the corporations that are going to fuck you right now, was the big trillion dollar tax cut he gave to the richest people before that.
You notice they don't ever talk about that anymore.
Joe helped me manage H1N1 and prevent the Ebola epidemic from becoming the type of pandemic we're seeing now.
And now we're actually finding out that it was Joe Biden and Barack Obama that left us unprepared for this situation.
That's what we're actually finding out right now.
Help me restore America's standing and leadership in the world on the other threats of our time, like nuclear proliferation and climate change.
Joe has the character and the experience to guide us through one of our darkest Joe has no character.
Joe is literally a sociopathic liar.
People knew this the first time he ran for president.
He had to drop out because they showed videotapes of him lying over and over and over and over again.
Said he graduated top in his class.
He didn't.
Said he had a double major.
He didn't.
Said he gave speeches that were other politicians' speeches in England, said it was his.
He did this all in public.
Look what he did to Anita Hill.
This is the guy.
So right now, you guys told me Kavanaugh was the worst thing in the world, but now Joe Biden is okay.
And you wonder why we have Trump.
And he us through a long recovery.
And I know he'll surround himself with good people.
Experts, scientists, military officials who actually know.
Who actually tell us we should invade Libya, drop 26,000 bombs on Syria, tell us we should open the Arctic to drilling whenever Shell Oil asks.
Tell us to build cages to put immigrants in.
We should gas immigrants at the that's the kind of experts Joe Biden's going to put in his cabinet.
You know, guys like Larry Summers, guys who deregulated Wall Street.
How to run the government and care about doing a good job running the government and know how to work with our allies and who will always put the American people's interests above their own.
Joe would be a better candidate for having run the gauntlet of primaries and caucuses alongside one of the most impressive Democratic fields ever.
Each of our candidates were talented and decent with a track record of accomplishment, smart ideas, and serious visions for the future.
And that's certainly true of the candidate who made.
Does anybody believe anything he's saying?
Does anyone believe what the fuck he's saying?
Anyone?
People are begging, begging for you to stop showing this video if they hate him so much.
This is unbelievable.
I can't.
We're almost done.
It's unbelievable.
Farther than any other.
Bernie Sanders.
Bernie's an American original, a man who has devoted his life to sheep.
Converting progressives into an anti-revolutionary party.
Dreams and frustrations.
He and I haven't always agreed on everything, but we've always shared a conviction.
Yeah, like Bernie was against the, he was for giving people health care.
You were against it.
Bernie was for keeping people in their houses.
You're for kicking them out.
You mean those kind of differences?
Is that the differences you're talking about, Barack, the liar Obama?
Financially stressed and given too little support.
And that applies to the next generation of Americans, young people graduating into unprecedented unemployment.
They're going to need economic policies that give them faith in the future.
So if you just go like that, does that mean that Joe Biden is going to magically have a policy?
If you say, if you talk like this, they're going to need policies in the future.
Does that mean Joe Biden, what is the policy Joe Biden has to help them?
He will not tell you in the future and give them relief.
What relief?
What relief, Brock, is Joe Biden bringing?
First of all, he looks drunk almost.
He looks sleepy.
People said that he was on drugs.
He looks like he looks like he's on drugs.
He does.
He's got droopy eyes and shit.
Give them relief from crushing student loan debt.
So we need to do more than just tinker around the edges with tax credits or underfunded programs.
We have to go further.
Yeah, we need to do more than just tinker around the edges.
Unfortunately, Joe Biden isn't that guy.
He's not going to do anything.
I don't know if you know he's demented.
We took his car keys away.
But please vote for him.
I'm Barack Obama.
I'm the reason you have Trump, and I'll fuck you with a grin.
To give everybody a great education, a lasting career, and a stable retirement.
We have to protect the gains we made with the Affordable Care Act.
We have to protect.
You know, Barack Obama has no legacy because the Affordable Care Act is going away right now because everyone's going to lose their health care because of this depression.
So they're going to replace it with something.
I bet they call it Trump Care.
And Obama has no, what is his legacy.
He made the Bush tax cuts permanent.
He made the banks bigger.
He took us some two wars to seven.
He opened the Arctic to drilling whatever shell oil asked.
He didn't do anything for Occupy.
He fucked over the teachers' unions in Wisconsin.
He let people at Standing Rock get their heads cracked in.
He has no legacy.
His whole legacy is the Affordable Care Act, which isn't affordable and doesn't care for anybody.
His whole legacy is a piece of shit corporate giveaway, which is going away.
Four years after he's out of president, his signature achievement is going to be gone.
By the way, his signature achievement sucks.
Everyone fucking hates it.
Barack Obama has no legacy.
Hillary Clinton already lost to Donald Trump, and Joe Biden's about to lose to Donald Trump.
That's Barack Obama's legacy.
He handed the country over to Donald Trump.
He made people so desperate they wouldn't vote Democrat anymore.
That's his real legacy.
And Bernie Sanders will never fucking tell you that because Bernie Sanders is a lapdog to the Democratic establishment.
That's what Bernie Sanders actually is.
And he'll never tell you this.
It's also time to go further.
We should make plans affordable for everyone.
Ha ha!
He's still doing it.
We should make plans affordable for everyone.
You know, the whole country is about to lose their health care.
We should make it affordable.
They don't have jobs.
Let's sell them some jobs.
Why don't the poor people buy more money so they can buy their health care?
With a public option, expand Medicare and finish the job so that healthcare isn't just a right, but a reality for everybody.
I had eight years in office and it still isn't a reality for, and I didn't do it.
I instituted a plan that crushed people.
That's what I did.
By the way, after my plan got instituted, health insurance and big pharma stock went through the roof.
That's how you know it was a good health care plan.
Fuck Barack Obama.
Fuck the Democratic Party and fuck Bernie Sanders when he tells you to vote for a demented guy who's a warmonger and your enemy, who's already vowed that he's not going to give you health care.
Fuck Barack Obama and fuck Bernie Sanders when he tells you to vote for Joe Biden because Bernie Sanders is fucking gaslighting you and lying to you.
And why is he doing that?
So he doesn't have a hard life.
So he could still have friends in Washington, D.C., because that's his entire social circle.
That's why.
We have to return the U.S. to the Paris Agreement and lead the world in reducing the pollution that causes climate change.
This is the guy who brags, brags that the United States became the world's largest oil producer under his term under his administration.
He brags about it.
He brags they produce more oil under his term than any other administration.
He brags about that.
So fuck off again.
But science tells us we have to go much further.
And it's time for us to accelerate progress on bold new green initiatives that make our economy.
You really think Joe Biden is the guy who's going to lead bold progress on green initiatives?
You didn't do it.
Why is he going to do it?
Clean energy innovator.
Save us money and secure our children's future.
Of course, Democrats may not always agree on every detail of the best way to bring about each and every one of these changes.
Like, for instance, I would say the Democratic Party should stop taking money from Big Pharma, Wall Street, and fossil fuels.
He would say no, we should take even more and then do whatever they want.
So that's a little bit of a disagreement.
Barack Obama would say we should keep taking money from the people who are the problem and then do what they want.
So that's kind of a different.
I would say don't take their money and then do the exact opposite of what those people want.
So that's a little bit of a difference.
I would say don't open the article to drilling.
I would say don't kick 5.1 million families out of their homes in the middle of a great recession.
He would say open the article to drilling.
He would say make the banks bigger.
He would say kick 5.1 million families out of their house during a recession.
I would say no.
So that's the little disagreements we have.
Barack Obama doesn't have a little disagreement with you.
Barack Obama is your enemy as much as Donald Trump is your enemy.
And it's even worse because you can see it coming with Donald Trump, but you can't see it coming with this smooth-talking motherfucker.
But we do agree that they're needed.
And that only happens if we win.
I love when he does, oh, when he does that kind of, we, oh, I really, really mean this part.
This election.
Because one thing everybody has learned by now is that the Republicans occupying the White House and running the U.S. Senate are not interested in progress.
Unlike the Democrats, what in the fuck kind of bullshit kabuki theater is this?
How much did the Democrats explode Donald Trump's military bomb?
$131 billion, Barack.
They just gave Trump for bombs.
You're Democrats.
Nancy Pelosi.
Nancy Pelosi just screwed America along with Chuck Schumer.
And so this is exactly what they want.
They always need to have someone else they can blame.
So if we had one-party rule, it would probably actually, I mean, if we had on the surface one-party rule, we actually have one-party rule underneath.
But if we had it on the surface, we might be able to actually get some shit done because they couldn't play this game left-right, vote them in, vote them out.
We would actually demand our leaders do something.
They're interested in power.
Unlike me, he became president.
He's willing to kick millions off their health insurance.
How about kids out of their homes?
Whereas Barack Obama was willing to kick millions of people out in the street during a recession and eliminate pre-existing condition protections for millions more, even in the middle of this public health crisis.
And in the middle of this public health crisis, you want to sell people more health care, make it affordable for the people who just lost their jobs.
Even as they're willing to spend a trillion dollars on tax cuts for the wealthy.
They've given polluters unlimited power to poison our air and our water.
As did you.
And the science of climate change, just as they denied the science of pandemics.
Repeatedly, they've disregarded American principles of rule of law.
Oh, God.
This is my transparency.
This is my, they don't, they don't follow the norms and rules.
You mean like how you didn't prosecute bona fide war criminals?
You mean like those rules?
How you tortured Chelsea Manning?
Barack Obama tortured Chelsea Manning.
And now he's going to talk about norms and the Constitution.
Barack Obama repealed habeas corpus.
Barack Obama repealed habeas corpus.
So fuck you, Barack Obama, and fuck Bernie Sanders for telling me to support Joe Biden, a demented war criminal.
Norms that previous administrations observed regardless of party.
Principles that are the bedrock of our democracy.
Like habeas corpus.
Habeas corpus is in the Magna Carta.
Barack Obama repealed habeas corpus, which means we are operating on a liberty view from somewhere from the 1100s.
Right now, Trump could lock you up indefinitely because of Barack Obama.
So don't listen to this guy.
He's a con artist from the fucking minute from the, from the from word one, he's a con artist.
Barack Obama is a lying con artist.
He's just better at Trump.
You can tell he's lying.
Barack Obama, he looked, he seems sincere.
He does that talk.
We really got to do better things for people.
So our country's future hangs on this election.
I thought it last one did.
And it won't be easy.
The other side has a massive war chest.
The other side has a propaganda network with little regard for the truth.
Again, just read, just shut your fucking stupid face.
You're such a stupid fucking liar.
You're such a mediocrity.
You're such a mediocre piece of shit, Barack Obama.
On the other hand, pandemics have a way of cutting through a lot of noise and spin to remind us of what is real and what is important.
And what is not real is that you gave people health care.
And that's what people are finding out right now.
You didn't give anybody anything.
You gave trillions of dollars to your friends in big pharma and healthcare and Wall Street.
And you fucked.
And that's what people are finding.
That's what everybody's finding out right now.
This crisis has reminded us that government matters.
It's reminded us that good government matters.
That tactics and science.
You know what it reminded me of?
How invaluable grocery store workers are.
How invaluable postal delivery people are.
How valuable our hospitals, our medical staff, and scientists.
I don't understand, Jimmy.
JD, I don't understand why Barack Obama is taking this long as if he's actually running for president right now instead of Joe Biden.
Jimmy, this was an endorsement video.
I know.
But what is this now?
I don't know.
He's doing it.
He's trying to pretend that there's a difference between him and Donald Trump and the Republicans, and there isn't.
That the rule of law matters.
Having leaders who are informed and honest.
Didn't prosecute one person on Wall Street.
Why?
Because Barack Obama's entire cabinet came from an email from Citigroup.
Why?
Because Barack Obama is a tool.
Why?
Because Barack Obama is a liar.
He's a con man.
He kicked 5.1 million families out of their house.
Didn't prosecute one banker.
Didn't prosecute one war criminal.
Didn't end one war.
Took us from two wars to seven.
Barack Obama is a con man and seek to bring people together rather than drive them apart.
Those kind of leaders matter.
In other words, elections matter.
Right now, we need Americans of goodwill to unite in a great awakening against a politics that too often has been characterized by corruption, carelessness, self-dealing, disinformation.
He's doing this video from a 49-anchor palace on Martha's Vineyard.
Just so you know, so when he says in a great awakening against a politics that too often has been characterized by corruption, carelessness, self-dealing, disinformation, corruption, self-dealing, disinformation, ignorance, all those things you're guilty of.
Manifest.
It's a manifest in your life.
Ignorance and just plain meanness.
Also, you are guilty of that.
You gassed immigrants at the border.
You built those cages Trump put the people in.
You drone-killed 90% civilians.
You executed an American child without a trial.
And then you laugh about it.
Look what you did to Libya.
You turned it into a failed state with open slave markets.
Isn't that just plain mean?
You funded ISIS.
You funded ISIS.
You gave money to ISIS and Syria.
Timber Sycamore, look it up.
What could be more mean than that, Barack Obama?
Do you understand why we have Trump?
Do you understand why we have a government that in the middle of a pandemic doesn't give you health care, but gives trillions of dollars to the richest motherfuckers in the country already?
And then you can, because we have pieces of shit like Barack Obama, who are con men and a bought media.
And even your progressive media ain't telling you the truth anymore.
Even your progressive media is lying to you about Bernie Sanders, lying to you about AOC, lying to you about what's going on.
To change that, we need Americans of all political stripes to get involved in our politics and our public life like never before.
For those of us who believe in building a more just, more generous, more democratic America, you need to get out of the Democratic Party because we're a pro-Wall Street war party and we will crush anybody who tries to help the people.
Where everybody has a fair shot at opportunity?
For those of us who believe in a government that cares about the many and not just the few.
For those of us who love this country and are willing to do our part to make sure it lives up to its highest ideals, now's the time to fight for what we believe in.
Ha ha what about when you had complete control of government?
Was that a time to fight?
Remember when you had a you were the president, the Democrats controlled the House, and they had a filibuster-proof Senate.
Do you remember that?
Do you remember what you did then?
I do.
You made the banks bigger.
You kicked 5.1 million people out of their house and gave us a health care plan that fucked everybody in the ass as hard as possible while giving trillions of dollars to your donors in big pharma and healthcare, health insurance.
That's what you did.
But now it's time to fight.
If you would have done anything back then, we wouldn't have to be fighting so hard right now.
But you did nothing.
So join us.
Join Joe.
Ha!
Go to joebiden.com right now.
Oh my God.
He even says it like a plan.
Joe Biden, I know it sounds like a joke.
Keep taking care of yourself and your families and each other.
What about get kicked out of my house?
I'm believing in the possibilities of the possibility of being of what?
And I will see you on the campaign trail as soon as I can.
Oh, that's so exciting.
Oh, my God, Jimmy.
Barack Obama is going to start making public appearances on behalf of Joe Biden.
And I can't tell you already.
I don't know if anybody else, after watching it, don't you just feel more hope and change?
And yes, we can, knowing that President Barack Obama is now supporting Joe Biden.
It's like a dream come true, right, Jimmy?
It's like a dream come true.
If anybody wants to see what's wrong with America, they should watch that speech.
That's what's wrong with America.
What's wrong with America is we have con men like Barack Obama and people think he's Santa Claus when he's actually worse than Ted Cruz.
Why?
Because you can see Ted Cruz coming.
That's why.
That's why.
That's why Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes are more insidious than Sean Hannity.
Why?
Because you can see Sean Hannity coming.
Wow, it's former president and current Netflix mogul Barack Obama on the line.
Hello.
Chibby.
Tibby.
Yeah.
Celebrate the game.
Stop the surge and dump the slump.
You hear me?
The primaries are over.
Stop talking about Bernie and what should have been and start thinking about Joe and what shouldn't happen.
But Joe Biden.
Look, Joe Biden's a friend of mine.
I respect Joe Biden.
I know Joe told all you folks to go kill yourselves at the polls during a pandemic.
Yep.
I know Joe has a lot of baggage.
Yep.
But we've had nominees with a lot of baggage before.
So let's do what Americans have always done in difficult times like this.
Pretend it's not happening and lose badly.
But what about the millions of Americans who are suffering right now?
I feel their pain, Jimmy.
Don't forget, I drank flintwater.
Yeah.
The coronavirus is a huge tragedy we must all overcome together in our respective Martha's Vineyard Estates.
Yeah.
Maybe it's the way these folks are wearing their masks.
You ever think about that?
Oh, no.
Pull up your masks.
Hey, you know there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written by Ron Placone, Mark Van Landowitz, Steph Zamarano, Jim Earl, Mike McRae, and Roger Rittenhouse.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
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