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March 5, 2020 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:04:25
20200305_TJDS_20200305_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy, this is Joe Biden.
Hey, Mr. Vice President, eat anything interesting on the campaign trail lately?
Okay, smart guy.
I admit you were right all along on that one.
People were just screwing around with me, seeing what I eat.
You figured it out, huh?
Yeah, the last show was some vozo trying to give me what they called a Monte Cristo.
A sandwich with ham and great jelly and powdered sugar.
And I said, all right, I wasn't born yesterday.
Get out of here with that made-up malarkey.
Yeah, look, last night.
Come on, give me a break.
Yeah, I see.
Okay, I got you.
You don't like Monte Cristo's.
Yeah, last night I had some pot roasts for dinner.
You know what?
You know what Bernie Sanders ate?
No, I don't.
A bunch of crew.
Because I kicked the shit out of him on Super Tuesday.
I won.
I'm the guy.
Minnesota, Massachusetts, North Carolina, Virginia, Boston, Franklin, West Sylvania, the Republic of West Florida, Vedonia, California.
Bernie won California, Mr. Vice President.
I'm talking Bah, California, down Mexico way.
They took a ball down there, and I came in first.
Joe Biden.
Yeah, also, I think I heard a few states that don't even exist anymore in your rant.
Just because a state doesn't exist anymore doesn't mean its citizens don't have the right to be heard.
Look, Bernie's promising a revolution.
The American people don't want a revolution.
They want a movement.
What's the difference?
A revolution is a form of a movement, but calling it a revolution is too specific.
It's too confining.
If you're revolving, you're moving, sure.
But you're moving in a curved direction.
It's physics.
People don't want to move in a curved direction.
They just want to move generally.
You're moving even when you're not moving.
Every atom in your body's vibrating right now.
It's called Brownian motion, Captain Crunch.
Look it up.
People don't want to be confined.
Americans want to roam in all directions, all over the range, out west.
I see.
I see, Joe.
No, you don't.
Don't patronize me.
I'm well aware that nothing I say makes any sense.
*laughter*
Can you give us any insight into why you wanted states that you hadn't even campaigned in?
Jimmy, I've been in politics a long time.
I've dedicated my life to public service.
And one thing I can tell you from experience, when the super rich and the establishment of the Democratic Party really, really, really don't want your opponent to win, there is nothing you can't achieve.
There is no hill you can't climb.
There's no ocean and no desert you can't cross.
Okay, okay, that makes sense.
The sky's the limit.
With all that money and all that party machinery working against the other guy, you just fall ass backwards into the future, bringing every numb nuts who can be tricked by baloney promises with you.
Arkansas, Texas, Utah.
I gotta say, Joe, I gotta say, it is pretty bold of you to admit that you are ahead just because a bunch of billionaires want to keep all of their money.
People like keeping things, Jimmy.
We're Americans.
We're keepers.
It's what we do.
It's what we've always done.
Keep.
Whether it's a billionaire keeping his billions or a minimum wage worker keeping a single shred of dignity coming home after a 12-hour shift, there's no difference.
It's all the same.
Is that really the message that you think is going to get you elected?
Of course not.
The party's going to get me elected.
The money, the endorsements, the massive party infrastructure is already there.
That's going to do all the heavy lifting.
My message could be about pop-tarts.
Who gives a shit?
I don't even have to show up half the time.
Did you hear me earlier?
I was making up stakes.
Yes, I heard you.
It was distressing.
Well, don't you worry.
I don't know what day it is any more than you or the average show on the street does.
It's Wednesday.
That could be.
But the point is, this Juggernaut is just getting started.
It just showments them.
And we're going to ride it on through the rest of the primary season.
On to the convention and on to the general election, where we will be defeated handily by Donald Trump.
Did you just say defeated?
Well, yeah, I'm not totally seeing him.
Wow.
I got to go, Jimmy.
I got to give a speech somewhere I got to give.
I'm going to say some incorrect things about the coronavirus.
Establishment media sets of August fighting.
So good luck with bullshit they can't afford.
Watch and see as a jet dog comedian.
speeds and jumps the medium and hits them head on.
It's the Chimmy Tor Show.
*music*
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
We will see you May 1st in Minneapolis and August 9th in Chicago for a link for all the live show tickets.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Now let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Hey, breaking Amy Klobuchar ends her presidential run so she can dedicate more time to running from her record.
Joe Biden, you know, Joe Biden got endorsements from Boudigig, Klobuchar, and Beta Warke.
Joe Biden getting endorsements from the 1% and people who couldn't get past 1%.
That's right.
You know, in a desperate attempt to become relevant, the Bloomberg campaign hired a comedy writer to punch up his material.
Did you know that?
I mean, how else is Bill Cosby going to pay all those legal bills?
Am I right?
Come on.
You know, I can't believe how many people think cirrhosis pale ale gives you cirrhosis.
So what's coming up on today's show?
Super Tuesday, and the establishment coalesces.
Shocker, plus Joe Biden's constant pathological lying that made him drop out of the 88 race will be revisited.
Plus, David Axelrod, former Obama advisor, says Joe Biden should pretend to care about millennials.
And Tulsi Gabbard calls out election rigging by the intelligence community and qualifies for the debate.
And the Democratic Party immediately changed the rules for who qualifies for the debate.
The war machine will not be challenged.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Joe Biden, David Axelrod, and Barack Obama, plus a lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
The Jimmy Dore Show Hello.
Look, stop trying to be the next Obama.
You understand me?
You can't be me, Joe.
I'm me.
George O. Biden, you wrote the bankruptcy bill.
I'm no drama Obama.
You can't be me.
Now go celebrate your little slave state victories over Bernie and be done with it.
Oh, congrats, I guess.
President Obama, who are you talking to?
Oh, shit.
This isn't Joe Biden's number.
No.
No, it's Jimmy Door, buddy.
I know that the Biden app would fuck up.
Look, pretend this never happened, and there'll be something nice in the mail for you again, okay?
When did you ever send me something nice in the mail, Barack?
Two words.
Tax cut.
No, four words.
Obama legacy tax cut.
What's your address again?
And LPO box, the son.
I never got a tax cut, Barack.
Well, hell, you didn't.
What do you think the Affordable Care Act was, son?
That was a shameless gift to the insurance industry and big pharma.
That trickled delicious savings down upon the American peasantry.
Never forget it.
68,000 Americans still die every year from lack of health care.
Look, no diabetic wants a full month supply of insulin, Jimmy.
They want the thrill of knowing they only get 20 days' supply before the next refill.
Put the spark back into your life.
Excitement of not knowing what you're going to do in that challenging 10-bay window.
Mike Bloomberg said Obamacare was a waste of money.
Did you know that?
What the fuck do I care?
I'm not running for anything now, am I?
Hey, folks, watch Netflix and buy my merchandise.
What are you going to endorse Bernie Sanders?
Joe Biden has clear cognitive problems.
You're going to put up against someone like Trump.
It'll be a massacre.
That's not what my friend Corn Pop says.
Joe Biden is one tough mofo.
He'll charm the pants off you with his fake stories.
And then guess what?
You'll have to pull your damn pants up again.
But I do concur with the DMC.
I think it's important we stop the one Jew in the race who is not a billionaire.
We got to unite, not deunite.
Bloomberg just dropped out of the race and endorsed Joe Biden.
No opinion yet, Barack?
Mike Bloomberg was an extraordinary mayor and leader of New York City for 12 years.
I trust his judgment.
Let me read you a Mike Bloomberg quote, Barack.
Quote, rather than uniting the country around a message of shared sacrifice, he engages in partisan attacks and embraces a divisive populist agenda focused more on redistributing income than creating it.
See, Bernie is troublesome.
He was talking about you in 2012.
That's Bloomberg talking about you.
That motherfucker.
Joe Biden will lose against Trump.
Doesn't that mean anything to you?
Not at all, Jimmy.
Look what happened to Germany after they had all that financial uncertainty in the 1940s.
They didn't mope around saying, no, we can't.
They pulled up the damn later, Hosen, and said, each bit I'm Beliner.
Pull up your damn later, Hosen.
Guys, Minner, take a break.
I'm not letting you get off there too easy.
Pull up your damn sticker noodles, Tommy.
Unice for Guess and Dina Vatis to Gippin.
So what happened last night was you saw the establishment coalesce around a candidate who was going to squash workers.
That's Joe Biden.
So that's what happened.
The establishment coalesced around to, and remember what we've always said, the Democratic Party's first order of business is to defeat the candidate who represents workers.
And then, and only then, are they allowed to try to defeat Donald Trump?
And if they don't, that's no big deal because the most important thing, what their donors want more than anything, is to defeat the candidate who represents workers.
And that's why we have a one-party state, okay?
Because the donor class is okay with Donald Trump.
They're not okay with Bernie Sanders.
Neither are the Democrats.
So that's why you have a one-party stake, which is what we're really living in.
And it's all run by the same donors.
So here, let's give you the rundown.
So here we are.
Super Tuesday primary results by state.
Now, they thought that Bernie Sanders was going to run away with Super Tuesday before the establishment coalesced.
He was predicted to win eight states.
He won four.
I think he lost.
Did he lose Maine?
Where's Maine?
Is it in yet?
Yeah, I think they call him Maria.
He lost Maine, which was supposed to be easy.
Yeah.
So Biden wins Alabama, Arkansas, Maine.
There it is, right?
Yeah.
Massachusetts, Minnesota, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Texas.
Of course, C1 Texas.
They closed all the polling places in the poor neighborhoods.
Did they not do that?
People were waiting for seven hours.
Seven hours.
Seven hours, yeah.
And so, and again, I just want to tell you.
You hear the Bernie Sanders campaign.
You don't know that they're going to do that in Texas.
You don't have a ground game to make sure that they can't do that.
And when they start closing polling places, you don't immediately send out emails or whatever alerts to your media people to highlight this, what's going on, so everybody knows that they're cheating you again.
They're not doing that.
Well, they fought it here in California, but it still wasn't enough.
Well, like, I mean, they fought it to a bit and they got some of them open till 10, but it still wasn't enough.
And then eventually they were just like, we're closing.
I mean, how do they let this?
How do you let this happen?
Where they just get to close polling places before the election.
They do it every time, and you guys don't have a response.
I don't know what the response should be.
I'm a fucking comedian.
This is what you guys do for a living.
You have almost unlimited resources.
You're the biggest fundraiser.
Anyway, okay, so again, all right, so here, let's see.
And so how is that okay?
And how does that, how does the Sanders campaign not make that a major issue?
Again, this is maddening.
This is maddening.
They're cheating him right out in the open again.
And if Bernie had been doing what we had been urging, again, they're never going to do this.
Again, we told the left, stop doing Russia Gate.
They're going to use it against you.
They're doing it.
The left still doesn't give a fuck.
Stop trying to, anyway.
Well, you want to talk about collusion.
Let's talk about collusion.
Yeah.
Here's some collusion that happened.
The DNC, the Booty Jays campaign, the Klobuchar campaign, the Biden campaign, and Beto O'Rourke all got together to collude against Bernie Sanders.
Oh, and Liz Warren, by the way.
That's Liz Warren.
And Liz Warren and Mike Bloomberg.
I mean, they're all in.
Mike Bloomberg's the establishment, quote, outsider.
We'll see if he catches.
And if he doesn't, all the momentum's going to Biden.
And we need Liz Warren in the fold to take votes away from Bernie.
It's collusion.
You want to talk about collusion?
That's collusion.
Well, I thought it was the Russians, Ron, that was the ones messing with our election.
We're not supposed to be afraid of Russia.
Well, so here is the California primary.
Now, they still, this is the latest we could give you.
So Bernie's going to win it with 33%.
So, but only 80%, this is 90% precincts reporting.
Bernie should actually pick up some more delegates.
This is what they're talking about, the exit polling From Massachusetts, Sanders had 30%, Biden 28%.
So, and then what happened in Texas?
So, some people are saying that this is in the margin of error, so this isn't a real thing.
Well, it's still early, so I guess people will, you know, we'll do some more investigation, and we'll bring you that when it comes.
But do you remember when we told Bernie Sanders what he should be doing?
Well, Tulsey Gabbard is doing that.
And what that is, is that he should have been running full blast against the goddamn establishment.
Hey, let me ask you a question, Bernie, and Bernie's advisors.
How did that unity tour work out for you?
How did that unity tour work out for you?
Why did you go on a unity tour with the Democratic Party?
Did you think that there was ever amount of ass-kissing to the establishment in the DNC that was going to make them let you fucking be president if you won the votes?
Did you ever think that?
Yes, I guess so.
Why else would you go on a fucking unity tour?
So, this is Bernie's fatal flaw.
This is, you know, Bernie's the, you know, people say, well, you got to have an inside and an outside game, and Bernie's the inside game.
Well, I guess the way the gears work for Bernie is that they're just doomed to lose because he won't fight the way he's supposed to.
If he had been calling out the Democratic Party shenanigans from the beginning, and he's going to say, you watch, they're all going to come together to cheat me.
They're all going to, how are they going to do it this time?
I don't know exactly how, but you watch, they're going to do it, and they're going to do it in collusion with the media.
They're going to do an inclusion with the DNC.
They're going to do a conclusion with the billionaire class.
And if he would have said that from the beginning, and when they booed him at the debates, he would have said, this is your donor class booing me.
And I don't want their money.
That's why they're booing me.
If he would have set that up, now when this happens, everybody would be like, oh, he's right.
They're doing it.
But since he kept running around talking about how he's good friends with Tom Perez and he's good friends with fucking Hillary Clinton, he's good friends with Joe Biden.
How everybody's his buddy in the Democratic Party instead of the problem, which is what the Democratic Party is.
If he would have been doing that, now when this happens, everyone in the country or a lot more people would be like, oh my God, it's happening just like they said it would happen.
They are screwing the guy who represents workers and doesn't take corporate money.
How you could be losing to a guy who takes all the corporate money in the world in an anti-establishment era that elected Donald Trump because they thought he wasn't bought is a bad strategy.
Why you are losing to Joe Biden is because of bad strategy.
Here it is.
And again, we're 100.
And I just want to say to all the, and I've been saying this for a while.
Joe Biden, he's got to stop saying Joe Biden is his friend.
This is horrible strategy.
He's got to take the gloves off and he's got to go right at these guys.
And when I did that, a bunch of bad faith actors on the quote-unquote left attacked me saying I was attacking Bernie Sanders.
And now you know those guys are fucking dick riding full of shit motherfuckers who don't know their asshole from a hole in the ground because now everybody today is now saying what the Jimmy Dorse show has been saying since the start of this fucking campaign, that Bernie's got to take the goddamn gloves off and enough with this my friend Joe fucking Biden shit.
And he's got to call out the establishment Democratic Party constantly because that's what this is.
And he's got to talk about their collusion with the establishment corporate media.
And every time he opens his mouth, he should talk about that, about how he doesn't take their money and Joe Biden does.
He's not doing it.
Just so you know, Bernie's not doing it.
They didn't run one negative ad on Joe Biden in any of these fucking Super Tuesday states.
Now, that is political malfeasance.
His advisors are committing malpractice.
I know some of them.
They're nice people.
They don't have the, whatever it takes, it ain't happening because this is the shittiest strategy.
Bernie should be wiping the floor with a piece of shit like Joe Biden.
Joe Biden can't even speak a sentence.
And so it's good to see the rest of the left finally coming around to realizing that you can't play footsies with the establishment because they're going to crush you anyway.
And all those fucking bad faith actors who came at me and used me, rode my dick for clicks and likes on Twitter.
Well, now everybody sees who the fuck you really are.
Okay, so guess what?
Bernie Sanders not stopping.
This is from the LA Times.
Sanders took a fresh aim at Biden for accepting campaign contributions from billionaires and corporate interests, but he said he did not want the contest between them to get into mudslinging.
That's not mudslinging, though.
That's not mudslinging.
Yeah, that's the thing.
It's like they say, oh, well, we don't want this to be about personal attacks.
It's not personal attacks to play something that Joe Biden said about the crime bill and how proud of it he was and then play the fact that you were against all that.
That's not a personal attack.
That's a fact.
That's a strategic disagreement that they had back in 1994 that's still relevant today.
That's not a personal attack.
And playing that video would be very smart by the campaign.
Agreed.
I like Joe.
Bernie's still saying this today.
Still saying this today, Ron.
I like Joe.
Joe is a decent guy.
Joe Biden is not a decent guy.
Joe Biden is an enemy of the fucking people, and he always has been.
Talk about the bankruptcy bill.
Talk about his Iraq war vote.
How decent do you have to be to go along with the Iraq war?
I like Joe.
Joe is a decent guy, and I do not want this campaign to degenerate into Trump-type epic where we are attacking each other.
Again, not attacking.
This is a goddamn campaign, Bernie.
I don't know if you know.
I know you've won campaigns, and I've never won a campaign.
So I'm sure you know better than me how to win a campaign, and you know this is a way to lose one, right?
This is how you lose a campaign.
Right now, you're losing to Joe Biden.
Think about that.
You are losing to a guy who can't complete a fucking full sentence.
Why don't you start with that?
I like Joe.
It's too bad he can't complete a full sentence.
Why don't you just say it?
Obviously, Joe's having early onset dementia.
Have you seen him try to speak?
Why wouldn't you say that?
What do you got to lose?
He's beating you.
Joe Biden is fucking beating you.
And Joe Biden doesn't have any policies that are going to help people.
Not one.
So when he goes on to say he's your fucking friend.
Right.
And he goes on to say that that is the last thing this country wants.
Joe has his ideas.
He doesn't have any ideas.
What the fuck is this?
His record, his vision for the future, and I have mine.
But a senior Biden aide took umbrage at the new negative ad Sanders is airing, saying they were reminiscent of the kinds of attacks he lobbed at his unsuccessful 2016 primary fight against Hillary Clinton, which some Democrats believe left wounds that contributed to Trump's victory.
Who the flip camp?
What the fuck?
You're not allowed to do that.
You mean talking about someone's history?
Yes.
Talking about their voting history, talking about their policies?
Running a campaign.
That's what they mean.
You can't run a campaign.
Yeah.
But Joe Biden can.
And everybody else in the world can say anything they want about Bernie, like that maybe they'll execute him in the park, or it may be that he's a secret Russian, or that he's going to lose every down ballot rate.
We're going to lose the House.
And everything is going to be fucked for decades because Bernie Sanders might run for president.
If Joe Biden got a dime every time he brought up the fact that Bernie only has a D-minus from the NRA and not an F. Right.
And if he got a dime for every time he just lied about the numbers on Medicare for All, he wouldn't even need to take corporate money.
He'd be set on his own if he got a dime for every time he did that.
That's the only talking point he actually gets straight.
We've seen what kind of campaign Bernie Sanders runs, and we saw the impact it had in 2016.
Kate Beddington, Biden's campaign manager said, deputy campaign manager said, said in a conference call with reporters.
So let me just, again, I'll give a little bit of advice of the Sanders campaign they're not going to take.
They're going to say this about you, whether you campaign against Joe Biden or not.
No matter what you say about Joe Biden, you could say Joe Biden should be the winner and they're going to say, why are you attacking him?
You could go out and say Joe Biden's the greatest guy in the world.
They're going to say, why are you being so divisive?
Just like they're going to call you a socialist, just like they called Obama a socialist and Clinton a socialist and Dukakis a socialist and Mondale a socialist and Carter a socialist.
They're going to call you a socialist.
So you might as well just do what's fucking right anyway.
They're going to say you're attacking Joe Biden, so you might as well fucking attack him.
Stop calling him your friend, you fucking knuckleheads.
Honest to God, you know, I don't want to make it personal about Bernie's advisors.
They're great on policy.
They're great on policy.
They're our shit strategists.
They've been shit strategists from the beginning.
They throw everybody who's their loudest supporter fucking under a bus at the drop of a hat.
They show no fucking leadership in that regard.
They show no loyalty.
They lose support when they throw somebody under the bus because people like people who show loyalty and strength.
And again, this is weak.
You keep complimenting Joe for being a decent guy.
That is bad strategy.
That is fucking weak.
And it's nice to see the rest of the left finally coming around to that point of view, a point of view we've had at the Jimmy Door show since the beginning of this campaign.
I like how they say we saw the impact the campaign had in 2016.
What?
You mean a bunch of people woke up?
Yeah.
A bunch of people were like, hey, yeah, this is the future we need.
It started a movement.
That's a negative impact according to the Biden campaign.
Oh, a bunch of people.
A bunch of people wanted something better from their politics.
And I have to say, this whole mythology that Bernie Sanders attacks or Bernie Sanders is somehow mean.
As a mean-spirited kind of campaign.
Who was the guy who said Hillary?
Yeah.
Hillary, I'm tired of hearing about your damn emails.
That was Bernie that did that.
He kept it on popularity.
How much of a gentleman was he on that debate stage every time he met with Hillary Clinton?
It was amazing.
So, you know, I think the people, when you read this article, something like this in the LA Times, I think the people who want to believe this bullshit will believe the bullshit.
I think the people of critical thinking skills look at this and are skeptical.
And so why is Biden so rivaled by Bernie?
Because Bernie's right on the policies, and Biden is flawed, deeply flawed.
And he is, he's, he's not there.
He is completely not together.
And it will be a humiliation if the Democrats put him on stage against Donald Trump.
That's a humiliation.
And that is going to help devolve our country.
This is awful.
I still don't understand Minnesota.
I don't accept what happened in Texas at all.
I have suspicions about that.
And people were in line in Texas three hours after the polls had closed.
Yes.
People were still in line in Texas three hours.
That's how you suppress the vote.
Yes.
That's how you suppress the vote.
And suppressing the vote is going to favor the power structure.
Hello.
Hello, Jimmy.
This is David Axelrod of the Axe Files.
How's your body feeling tonight?
Is it ready to take on the challenges and passions of the upcoming primary battles?
I don't know.
What are you talking about?
The latest batch of pulling pretends a really sizable South Carolina bounce for Joe Biden.
Is your body prepared for a sizable bounce?
Well, if not, I can help you with the complete axle rod package.
That doesn't sound good.
The complete axle rod package can help your body relieve that pent-up tension and get you back in touch literally with your sensual side.
Jesus Christ.
What are your predictions for the nomination, David?
Not so fast.
It's important to relieve the tension that only a hot and heavy campaign season can stir up in a man.
One of the ways I like to relieve my animal tension is through the art of manscaping.
Do you manscape, Jimmy?
Jesus Christ.
What has that got to do with this manscaping?
What does that to do with this?
Do you have the perfect package for that essential below-the-waist hygiene?
I don't want to talk about this.
Well, then, fine, let me do all the talking.
Here's what you'll get with the complete axle rod package.
First, what do I mean when I talk about the three B's of manscaping?
I don't know.
By the three B's of the Axel Rod Manscaping Package, I'm talking butt, balls, and body.
Please, no.
So, what's the complete Axel Rod package, you ask?
You'll get the crotch cleanser, body wash.
You'll get the crotch preserver, body odor, and moisturizer.
Great deal if it ends there, right?
I wouldn't know.
Or in my big axle rod package now, and you'll get the exclusive David Pluff peck tweezers.
Personally designed by my brilliant collaborator, David Pluff.
As campaign manager for Barack Obama, he mastered the challenges presented by a difficult presidential campaign.
So naturally, he knows how to control that troublesome technology during the run for the White House.
I'm a naturally hairy man, Jimmy, and I'm proud of it.
I never asked you about that.
When I was born, my mother thought she had given birth to a pottery barn throwrug.
As I grew into a man, I learned to love myself and embrace my extensive crap of bodily hair.
Uh-huh.
But with every gift comes great responsibility.
Yeah.
And that's where the complete axle rod manscaping package comes in.
Not only will you get my crotch cleanser, body wash, my crotch, preserver, baldy order, moisturizer, and David Pluff's personally designed neck tweezers, but also will see my harvester safety razor to tackle that unruly undergrowth.
And the lawnmower 2.0.
A Lawnmower, what is that?
Watch what?
The lawnmower 2.0.
What's that?
The lawnmower 2.0 is literally the best ball shaver I've ever used.
Far none.
Goodbye, David.
Nice talking to you.
And believe me, I've tried a lot of ball shavers during my time as White House advisor.
No other product creates a formidable centrist challenge to the progressive growth on your front and back lines.
And it's personally endorsed by the incisive New York Times columnist, Hall Krugman.
Okay.
Wow, a lot of people react that way when I bring up Paul Krugman.
I guess some people don't care about their bodies.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member.
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Thanks for your support.
Joe Biden ran for president in 1988.
And I remember this because I was in college.
It was a year before I started comedy.
And this is before the internet.
Yeah, the guy had to drop out.
The guy who beat him in 88 went on to do great, though, right?
Oh, the caucus.
Watch this.
Candidate Joseph Biden today faces a controversy.
Three weeks ago, at a debate at the Iowa State Fair, he used phrases identical to those delivered by British Labor Party leader Neil Kinnock.
Biden seemed to be claiming Kinnock's vision and life as his own.
Why is it that my wife is sitting out there in the audience is the first in her family to ever go to college?
Why is Kennis the first woman in her family in a thousand generations to be able to get the university?
My ancestors who worked in the coal mines in northeast Pennsylvania don't come up after 12 hours and play football eight hours underground and then come up and play football.
It's because they didn't have a platform upon which to stand.
There was no platform upon which they could stand.
The notion that every thought or notion or idea you'd have to go back and find and attribute to someone, I think is quite frankly ludicrous.
The problem here is that Senator Biden told his audience he'd just been thinking about these things and he failed to give any credit at all to his famous British speechwriter.
So this is the guy they want to run against Trump because Trump's such a big liar.
He had to drop out the first time he ran because he got caught being a political plagiarist and lying about it.
This is the guy.
This is the establishment's big idea.
I was thinking on the way over here.
Now that's a little too much because as you point out, what's behind the words?
What's there?
And a lot of people, the rap on Biden has always been.
It's just a surface.
I should have said, to paraphrase Neil Kinnock, it's the only time I didn't in all the times I've ever used it.
But CBS News found a tape of a second instance.
It reappeared in the New York Times with a new charge that Biden had appropriated a famous litany from the late Robert Kennedy about what the gross national product cannot measure.
It cannot measure the health of our children.
The health of our children.
The quality of our education.
The quality of their education.
The joy of their play.
Or the joy of their play.
Biden gave Kennedy no credit.
He has also quoted or paraphrased John Kennedy, Hubert Humphrey, and British Labor Party leader Neil Kinnock, all without credit.
Joseph Biden admitted today that he committed plagiarism when he was in law school.
He said it was a mistake, but that it was unintentional.
This is the guy they're running against Trump because he's so corrupt.
What do you think he's going to steal from Boris Johnson before this is all over?
I think he's going to.
Committed plagiarism in law school.
He had to drop out of front running for president because he committed plagiarism.
Oh, come on.
He constantly lying.
His own staff told him, stop lying about your role in a civil rights movement.
He wouldn't stop lying about it.
He just lied that he got arrested with Nelson Mandela.
It's a bald-faced lie.
And stop saying that he's a good guy.
That's not a good guys don't do that, by the way.
405 pages of someone else's work without proper citation.
I've done some dumb things, and I'll do dumb things again.
Boy, does he sound like his kid, Hunter, or what?
Yes.
That's exactly how Hunter lies through stuff.
Exactly.
That's exactly.
I've been through some stuff.
I've been through a lot of stuff.
Well, at least he was telling the truth there.
I've done some dumb things and I'll do some dumb things again.
Yep, yep.
We're watching this now in the future.
You sure did, Joe.
You sure did.
He was given an F. Ladies and gentlemen, I've been dumb.
To the political community, Washington get all seems of a piece.
Plagiarism at law school, plagiarism on the stump.
The great communicator.
Strike that.
The great imitator.
You don't steal verbatim, or when you do, as he did 99% of the time, you give credit.
Biden's critics say he sells himself as a man whose words and visions can inspire a new generation in politics.
But if the thoughts, phrases, and visions really belong to others, it's a form of false advertising.
Is it a wise idea, though, to take something that personal anyway from another politician and try and appropriate it to your own campaign?
I think it was a stupid thing to appropriate material that was really very personal that was someone else's.
Most people didn't know who he was.
You know, Joe Biden Biden.
And now they're going to say, oh, yeah, he's the guy who plagiarized the first.
Politically, that's devastating.
These clips are devastating.
He looks like a Joe Biden wind-up doll with somebody else's words coming out.
If they are going to do things that are stupid as well as immoral, then they're probably too dumb to have the job of president.
The voters are going to have to decide whether he was dishonest or dumb.
Senator Joseph Biden may have more explaining to do.
The new questions stemmed from taped remarks of Biden during an April campaign appearance in New Hampshire.
I went to law school on a full academic scholarship, the only one in my class to have a full academic scholarship.
Went back to law school, and in fact, ended up in the top half of my class.
I was the outstanding student in the political science department at the end of my year.
I graduated with three degrees from undergraduate school and 165 credits, only at 123 credits.
Biden now concedes he did not graduate in the top half of his law school class.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Thank you.
Thank you.
He's a pathological liar.
This is the guy you're going to have go up against Trump because Trump is a pathological liar.
Do you understand how empty and hollow the Democratic Party has been since Trump got elected?
That they've been running against him because he's a liar and they're a bunch of fucking lying, corrupt murderers themselves.
That's the only that's how you're going to oppose Trump?
Because guess what?
They passed his complete legislative agenda.
They don't oppose Trump.
They don't.
The donor class is super happy with Trump.
They're super happy with Bernie losing.
I just wonder if his stories will keep getting more and more ridiculous as the campaign trail goes on.
Like, he's going to be like, look, I was the guy.
I was the guy who told Pontius Pilot, this Jesus of Nazareth is the good dude.
You got to let him go.
Then I was the guy who moved that stone a couple days later.
I was there.
I was the guy.
I'm the guy who had the SOLK vaccine distributed.
I was on that guy.
Wait, there's more.
That he does not have three degrees from college and that he was not named outstanding political science student in college.
All right.
Okay.
Let me get a running start on that because that's pretty awesome.
He concedes he did not graduate in the top half of his law school class, that he does not have three degrees from college and that he was not named outstanding political science student in college.
Hughesweek says Biden actually went to school on a half scholarship, ended up near the bottom of his class, and won only one degree, not three.
Joe Biden ranked 76th in a class of 85 at the university.
Breaking news, Joe Biden actually didn't go to college.
We have not tracked down his high school diploma.
Moore at 11.
The guy's a pathological liar.
This is the decent guy that you're going to run against Donald Trump because Donald Trump's too big of a liar.
Syracuse Law School.
I mean, this guy comes off this whole thing as a flyweight.
Now Biden says Newsweek is right.
His memory had failed him.
And I'd be delighted to sit down and compare my IQ to yours if you'd like, Frank.
Joe Biden is victimized by the truth.
Bye bye, Biden.
He may not know it yet, but I think this is going to be very difficult for him to recover.
Is Joe Biden dead meat?
Yes or no?
I think so.
Bob.
He's in terminal condition.
Terminal.
Hell and all.
Yes, unless he comes in third in Iowa.
Morton dying.
I say dead.
So that's the guy.
You don't think Trump's going to use all these videotapes?
You don't think the videotape of him saying I got three degrees?
I was in the top half of my class.
I was the outstanding political science student.
All of that a lie.
Doesn't that sound like somebody else, you know?
Doesn't that sound like Donald Trump?
This is the guy that the establishment wants to ram down your throat.
And Bernie is not going to fight back sufficiently.
So just get ready that he's not going to do it.
They're now today starting to run negative ads against Joe Biden, which is political malfeasance.
That's malpractice.
And it's nice to see the rest of the left coming around.
It's nice to see.
I don't know if you've noticed, but everybody's saying Bernie's got to take the gloves off now.
He's got to go at Joe Biden instead of God, blah, blah, blah.
Well, fingers crossed.
Fingers crossed.
It's nice to see that, again, these things are obvious, right?
I don't run around saying, you know, I'm smarter than everybody when it comes to politics or I'm even smart.
The whole point of this show is that you don't have to be smart to see what's fucking wrong with our system.
That's how messed up it is.
That if a guy like me can see through this, I know that they see through this and that this is professional wrestling because they're all being paid by the same guy.
That's the whole point of this show.
And that the problem in this country isn't Donald Trump.
He is a symptom of the problem.
The problem is the corporate capture of both our political parties.
So now we live in a banana republic.
You want to see the guy who the Democrats have coalesced around to beat Trump?
Remember the whole thing is you got to be able to out-debate Trump.
You got to be able out to debate Trump.
Because Trump went out and made mincemeat out of the entire Republican field.
A guy who everyone says is a moron and a dummy, he fucking chopped those guys down at the knees.
They were done.
Donald Trump, who everyone says is a dummy and a moron, made mincemeat out of that fucking Republican field.
Say what you want.
All those geniuses couldn't hold a candle to Donald Trump.
He diminished them.
They were done.
And he's now president.
He will have a field day with Joe Biden.
Because watch this.
He's going to call him demented.
He's going to say, Joe, you know you have early.
You don't think Trump is going to say that Joe Biden has early onset dementia?
He's going to say that.
Why wouldn't he?
We owe these truths to be self-evident.
All men and women created by the, go, you know the thing.
There's the guy.
That guy's got it.
His thumb's on the pulse.
This is the guy.
This is the guy.
This is the guy that you think.
We owe these truths to be self-evident.
All men and women created by the, go, you know the thing.
That should be, that should have ended his career.
That should end his campaign.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created.
You know, that thing we all know, that I don't know what it is right now.
I'm watching CNN.
So this is Abdul El-Syed.
He was on there.
He's saying a lot of smart stuff.
So then David Axelrod, he starts talking about how we have to get the youth involved.
And watch what David Axelrod says.
Watch.
So this is the guy, David Axelrod, former Obama advisor.
And here's what he says.
Millions and millions of people are voting tonight.
And they're going to make independent judgments here.
The notion that somehow a few party leaders are manipulating millions of voters.
I mean.
So this thing that they just did where they all coalesced around Joe Biden, and so it's obvious to us they're manipulating.
So the party is coalescing to collude to stop the candidate who represents workers.
And so now the narrative that they're pushing on CNN, and this is, by the way, former Terry Saturday McAuliffe, former Clinton advisor.
And they're saying that didn't have any effect on this.
Klobuchar dropping out, Putig's dropping out, Bloomberg dropping out, all of them coalescing around Joe Biden.
That had no beto or that had nothing to do.
That had nothing to do with the way people are voting.
Well, and then the media reported on it and called it Joe Mentum.
Yes.
Oh, man, Joe's picking up steam.
It's Joe's to lose now.
This is just in time for Super Tuesday.
And what was it?
What was just a bunch of phony, a bunch of endorsements from a bunch of people who wanted a favor who couldn't get past 1%?
That's right.
It's funny that they want to go with that whole little tag, Jo Mentum, as if he doesn't have word salads enough.
You're right.
So let's watch this again.
Millions and millions of people are voting tonight, and they're going to make independent judgments here.
The notion that somehow a few party leaders are manipulating millions of voters, I mean...
Well, it is crazy.
They're not doing it by themselves.
They have the help from the DNC and the media and Barack Obama.
Barack Obama.
So they're not working alone.
Right.
Okay.
It's crazy.
It's career crazy if you think some of the party leaders are having an influence on the vote.
It's crazy.
Millions and millions of people are voting tonight, and they're going to make independent judgments here.
The notion that somehow a few party leaders are manipulating millions of voters.
I mean, Bernie Sanders is presenting the same message.
And look, he is passionate and he is effective at promoting his message.
And he speaks to a yearning among many people, particularly young people, for dramatic action to deal with some big problems.
He speaks to young people who are looking for some dramatic action to fix our problems.
And what does David Axelrod say?
Hey, maybe Joe Biden should also do some dramatic action.
That's not what he says.
It sounds like that's what he's going to say, but watch what he actually says.
I'll back it up a little.
This is very revealing.
Effective at promoting his message.
And he speaks to a yearning among many people, particularly young people, for dramatic action to deal with some big problems.
And I think Biden needs to embrace the spirit of that.
He needs to embrace the spirit of that.
Not actually any policies that would do that.
He doesn't actually have to embrace a policy that would signify dramatic action, that a policy or a solution that is as big as our problems.
He doesn't actually have to do it.
He just actually has to signal that he is in the same spirit.
What a nice way of saying bullshit.
What a nice way of saying.
He needs to bullshit about this and make people think he cares about it.
Like Barack Obama did.
Yeah, right?
Like Barack Obama did.
The thing that worked for Obama for eight years.
He's got to do that.
Say nice things.
You know, like when Barack Obama put together the biggest group of volunteers ever and then he disbanded them as soon as he got elected president because he didn't want those people out there pushing him to do stuff.
That's what he's saying.
He's saying, what Joe Biden has to do is pretend that he has the same feelings that Bernie Sanders does.
He has to pretend that he is in spirit for the same things, not the same, but just in spirit to pretend.
So what he has to do is deceive the voters so they feel 100% let down again.
So then after Joe Biden gets elected, we get a worse fucking Trump.
Hey, Joe Biden, should we do something so we can stay on this planet?
Well, in spirit, I'm there.
In spirit.
In spirit, we should do something.
So that's how, according to David Axelrod, former senior advisor to Barack Obama, the way Joe Biden gets those younger voters is he pretends to have the same spirit as Bernie Sanders.
But the problem with Joe Biden is he can't help himself.
Joe Biden is a fucking horrible politician who never who ran for president 15 times before, never won a goddamn state until last night, and he needed the help of the entire U.S. media and the entire Democratic apparatch to do it.
So watch this.
And you know why Joe Biden's never going to appeal to fucking young people?
Because he doesn't give a shit about it and he can't hide it.
Here's why.
And so the younger generation now tells me how tough things are.
Give me a break.
No, no.
I have no empathy.
What is that?
That's going to get you a fucking applause in front of a bunch of senior citizens.
You know what it's going to do?
It's also going to lose you a fucking election.
And this is after you guys have just lost to goddamn Donald Trump and you're still shitting on millennials.
This is your electoral strategy.
This guy is a shit politician.
He's corrupt 100%.
He's just as corrupt as Trump.
Probably more because he's had more opportunity to be corrupt.
He's just as big a liar.
He just got done lying about that.
He got arrested with Nelson Mandela.
He got caught lying.
He marched into civil rights.
He's caught lying a million times.
And so the younger generation now tells me how tough things are.
Give me a break.
No, no.
I have no empathy for it.
Give me a break.
Because here's the deal, guys.
We decided we were going to change the world, and we did.
We did.
We finished the civil rights movement to the first stage.
The women's ruler came to the beam.
So my message is get involved.
Get involved.
If you're young people and you want to change things, get involved.
And then guys like me will stand in your way.
We'll use the full force of the establishment, all our money, connections, and power, and every fucking tool in our establishment toolbox to stop you.
But get involved, you know, whatever.
So is he saying that everything was handled in the 60s?
That's what he's saying.
They did everything.
They got it all done.
It's all done.
So now work a little harder.
Yeah.
And the problem.
And so now if you guys want to achieve stuff like I did, I'll be the guy trying to push back against you.
Right.
That's what he's saying.
Why are you out there fighting for fucking free college?
Why aren't you out there fighting for Medicare for all?
Why aren't you fighting to end the wars?
Why are you fighting for a living wage?
Why are you fighting for a Green New Deal?
Why?
Because you are a Republican and you're corrupt and you have no moral center.
You are the equivalent of Donald Trump.
And there is, and I think the Bernie Sanders campaign woke up today and went, oh my God, Biden is dangerous.
It took them this long to figure it out because they kept looking at him like, oh, he's such, he's, he's, they didn't wantdering old fool, and we don't need to worry about him.
He's going to, he's going to explode, you know, anyways.
But to implode.
Implode.
But he didn't.
Now he has all these delegates.
Well, and I think the one thing, and I know a lot of people have already arrived at this conclusion, myself being one of them, but to anyone on the fence right now, this proves without a shadow of a doubt that the Democratic Party is willing to just burn it all down, to give it to Joe Biden and give Trump four more years because they know Joe Biden can't beat Trump.
I mean, come on.
They're willing to be able to do that.
They don't care.
They think Joe Biden can beat Bernie.
That's all they care about, Ron.
You know, no, no, no.
They know he can't beat Trump.
I know that.
But to anyone on the fence right now, I mean, look, look around at the Democratic establishment and come to the conclusion, this is not worth saving.
It's worth just let it go.
Because they clearly don't care.
Well, as Chris had no intention to beat.
As Chris Hedges said, first of all, I want to thank the DNC, the Democratic Party, and the Sanders campaign for proving the Jimmy Dorse show 1,000% right since the start of this, since 2016.
I mean, Jimmy, we went to that one.
We went to that one event here with Bernie Sanders, and we were covering it.
And we were asking people at the end, what are you going to do when Sanders asks you?
Vote for Biden.
What are you going to do when Sanders asks you to vote for Biden?
Well, what are you going to do?
I'm going to tell him I'll vote for Biden if you start a new party.
That'll be our trade-off.
I'm never voting for Biden.
It sounds like I was never voting for fucking Bloomberg.
And I don't understand why Bloomberg didn't primary Trump as a Republican.
And why didn't Budegig get out of our fucking party?
I know.
Why don't all these people primary Trump?
Amy Klobuchar doesn't want to give you higher education.
She's not a Democrat.
She's not a Democrat.
Why are you in the anyway?
But as Chris Hedges says, the Democratic Party is already a zombie party.
They represent nothing.
They're a hollowed out, empty shell of a party.
That's why they couldn't even beat Donald Trump a game show host.
They couldn't even beat him.
They barely gained back the fucking house.
They still don't have the Senate.
And they're running against Donald Trump.
Do you understand how right Chris Hedges is when he says this is a zombie party?
It's been hollowed out.
There's nothing.
There's no point to the Democratic Party.
They don't represent anybody.
They represent the donor class, which is in control of the Republican Party.
We have one party rule in the United States.
It's the donor class party.
And if this doesn't prove it to you, well, then I, you know, enjoy four more years of Trump.
So, and I just, and I'll show you this.
And I mean, this is the kind of shit this guy said.
There's videotape of him saying stuff like this all over the place.
Watch this.
Paul Ryan was correct when he did the tax code.
What's the first thing he decided we had to go after?
Social Security and Medicare.
Now, we.
God.
He was right.
And that's what's...
That to them, that's you being mature, a grown-up.
You're not considered a serious politician as a Democrat until you're willing to fuck over social programs.
Then you're serious.
He wanted to cut Social Security and Medicare.
Barack Obama wanted to cut Social Security and Medicare.
You know who stopped Barack Obama?
The Republicans.
That was called the grand bargain.
Barack Obama and Joe Biden wanted to cut Social Security and Medicare.
They, it was their idea.
And now you know why they couldn't, nobody would come out to vote for Hillary.
Now, you know why black people in Milwaukee and Michigan wouldn't come out to vote for Hillary?
This is their idea.
They're the ones wanting to cut Social Security and Medicare.
Barack Obama and Joe Biden.
And there's videotape of him saying this everywhere.
If Tulsi wasn't in the race, do you think that people would have the awareness of our regime change wars the way they do now?
No.
Not even close, right?
I don't think so at all.
I didn't hear that.
If we had to rely on Bernie's voice about ending these wars, nobody would have their consciousness raised about it.
That's my opinion.
And I think, you know, once again, I think we're both on the same page when it comes to Tulsi Gabbard.
Her voice is necessary and vital.
Vital.
So I just want to let you know, Tulsi Gabbard qualified.
Tulsi Gabbard qualified to be in the debates, the next debate, because she got a delegate.
She won a delegate, America Samoa.
She won a delegate.
And that means that she could be in the debate.
Well, guess what?
Immediately after she qualified for the debate, this is what the Democratic Party said.
This is the spokesperson for the Democratic Party, DNC.
She says, we have two more debates.
Of course, the threshold will go up.
No, I thought you had the rules laid out ahead of time so this shit didn't happen.
That was the whole point of you announcing when the debates are going to be, what the criteria is.
You were supposed to do that ahead of time so none of this happened.
But then you change the rules all the time to cheat the workers.
You change the rules first to allow Mike Bloomberg in.
A Republican.
A Republican into your Democratic debate.
You changed the rules.
He didn't meet your threshold for individual donors.
You didn't care.
Now she actually meets your threshold for everything and you're changing the rules.
Here's what they say.
We have two more debates.
Of course, the threshold will go up.
Of course it will.
By the time we have the March debate, almost 2,000 delegates will be allocated.
The threshold will reflect where we are in the race, as it always has.
But what is the threshold?
I'm going to tell you what the threshold is.
It's one more delegate that whenever Tulsi has.
That's what's going to be the threshold.
How many delegates does Tulsi have?
Well, you need one more.
You don't think it would be beneficial to the progressive movement, what we're trying to do right now with Bernie.
You don't think that it would be helpful and beneficial to have her voice in the debates right now, going full blast at the establishment and the media for pushing a Russia gate hoax again and pointing it at Bernie Sanders this time?
You don't think that would be beneficial?
Because that's what Tulsi Gabbard is doing right now.
She's calling out the hoax that is being perpetrated on the Sanders campaign by the media, the DNC, and the intelligence community saying that Russia is boosting him.
She's calling that out.
Bernie's not.
She is.
And she's right.
And whatever you want to say, nobody else in the Democratic Party has the courage to do that.
And what's amazing to me is how few people on the left have the courage to compliment her for that, to acknowledge the usefulness of Tulsi Gabbard after they smeared her endlessly and shit on her.
Someone who backed Bernie Sanders, somebody who still backs Bernie Sanders, has his back at every fucking turn in this campaign.
And the pukes on the left who still smear her while supporting Elizabeth Warren.
Do you feel like a genius?
And you know who those people are.
Why would you ever fucking listen to those people again?
They've been wrong about fucking everything.
Those people saying nice shit about Elizabeth Warren.
They've been wrong about fucking everything.
Fucking morons grew up in cul-de-sacs.
With, ugh.
Ah.
Holy shit.
Who did she pick?
She picked Tim Kaine.
And Tim Kaine is the super progressive?
He was to the right of her.
What do you think her Supreme Court pick would have looked like?
An anti-union, right-to-work, war-mongering motherfucker.
And so here we are.
This is your Democratic Party.
This is the one I've been railing against.
This is the one I've been saying.
Bernie should have started a third party because now Bernie would at least have leverage over the Democratic Party because you couldn't win without him.
That was my whole point of voting for Jill Stein and the Greens last time because I wanted them to get matching funds.
I wanted them to be a party that could pull around 10%.
So then the Democratic Party couldn't flip off progressives anymore.
They would have to actually go to them and actually have unity.
We'd actually have to have a coalition.
We'd actually have to have the establishment would actually have to bend to the progressives a little.
Otherwise, they knew they couldn't win.
Well, they know they couldn't win anyway.
They still didn't.
They went with Tim Kaine and they lost.
So they still don't care.
The idea, what Jenk Uger would always say is that we're going to board this shit because I, you know, B. I think we should support every independent running against every Democrat.
I think we should do that.
You know, just about, just about.
Bernie runs as an independent.
Why is it okay for Bernie to run as an independent, but everyone else is an idiot?
Isn't that weird?
Every time Bernie has run for freaking Senate, he's been an independent.
And then Bernie went on to, did he endorse any independents?
No.
So, and all the FTSE playing with the Democratic Party, the Unity Tour, all the bows, the genuxion to Hillary Clinton and the Democrat, and telling people that Teacher Zephout's lying and that Joe Biden isn't corrupt, all that.
What did that get you?
What did it get you?
What was your grand strategy?
Again, you don't have to be a genius to see what fucking is necessary right now.
And let's fingers crossed.
Hope that Bernie comes around.
Hopefully, his party, now, now they have three ads talking about Joe Biden.
Now, they finally, now they do.
And one is one of those ads featuring Obama.
So now they find every, do you know that every person, just every other candidate in the race had a commercial running with Barack Obama praising them?
You know who didn't?
Fucking Bernie Sanders.
Until now.
Way to go to sit on that.
Way to go to sit on that before Tuesday.
Smart.
Nice question on you.
Who is your strategist?
So again, and I don't think I have to say this, but I'll just say this because I know there are a lot of bad faith dick-writing axholes out there who watch this show and make videos about it because that's the only way it can get fucking views.
I'm criticizing Bernie's fucking lame-ass strategy, which everyone else is now recognizing.
We're not criticizing his policies.
We support the policies.
And I wish he spoke clearly about them as Tulsi Gabbard does because she doesn't equivocate, which is nice.
Okay.
Which is why I was proud to vote for Tulsi yesterday.
I voted for Tulsi yesterday because we really need her to get in the debates.
We really need her voice out there.
She's the only one speaking as clearly on the stupid intelligence community meddling.
This is not going away.
You think if Bernie wins, they're going to let him take it?
They're going to say he was boosted by the Russians.
They're already doing that.
And that'll be another reason why they can take it away from him in a contested convention.
Hello, what year is this?
What the heck are you doing in my kitchen?
Hello, Joe Biden.
This is Jimmy Doer.
It's the No Malarkey Express coming through your town soon.
Like our founders said, we owe these truths to be self-fulfilled evident.
All men and women created by the go, you know, the go, you know, the thing.
Who were the veal cutlet?
Mo, Larry, the cheese.
They, they, they.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show is written by Ron Placone, Mark Van Landowitz, Steph Zamarano, Jim Earl, Mike McRae, and Roger Rittenhouse.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
Let you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out!
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out!
Don't freak out!
Do not freak out!
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not.
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