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Feb. 6, 2020 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:11:19
20200206_TJDS_20200206_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hi, Jimmy.
This is Vince Fawn.
Hi, Vince.
You don't sound your usual exuberant self today.
The sorrow that you hear in my voice is real, Jimmy Door.
My heart is heavy.
I've been devastated.
They dare I say dismantled.
Wholly dismantled by the news that my friend Rush Limbaugh is battling cancer.
Yeah, that's a heavy thing.
You know, Jimmy, there's some people in your life who shine so brightly, who face all those near them with the warm, soft light of humanity, who seem to channel this pure, primordial form of love from the very heart of the universe itself, that you just kind of think they're going to live forever.
I mean, I know it's silly.
I know it's silly, but you really do.
I know what you mean, Vince.
I can't tell you what Rush means to Hollywood conservatives like me and conservatives in general.
I'm living on the ground floor.
Just a young kiddo handed the 90s full of piss and vinegar.
I was one of those guys who not only listened to Rush but also talked about him all the time like a fucking psycho.
We literally We would all say this guy's right.
He's right.
And he's funny.
It's good comedy.
Until we, you know, quietly abandoned that last assertion.
*laughter*
Right, right.
But he's grown in importance tenfold since then.
Yeah.
And that's because he represents a form of a conservative ideal, an archetype, a paragon.
Yeah.
What?
What's that?
A fat, balding man who largely built his career on mocking the looks of famous women.
God bless you, young soldier.
Yes, it's very admirable.
I'm sorry for your future loss.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He's going to fight the shit like he has fought the possibility of ever being close with another human being.
And from his icy realm of seclusion and solitude, he will emerge victorious.
You know, I don't know, Vince.
The diagnosis seems pretty grim.
Jimmy Rush has amassed a giant fortune over the years by advocating the denial of health care to Americans so he can now afford the best doctors money can buy.
And money can buy a lot.
Like, a lot of lot.
I can only imagine.
And if it seems like traditional treatments aren't working, Jimmy, we are prepared to go full-on fucking Chinese.
What?
Yes.
I will personally travel to Nepal and walk around villages and snowy mountains searching for ancient cures and shit.
You have no idea the lengths I'm willing to go.
The amount of absolute horseshit I'm willing to believe in to save this man's life.
There is sadness, yet resolve, but also anger.
anger is normal.
I mean...
Oh, yeah.
Oh, of course.
Not saying you, not saying you, Jimmy.
But I've seen a lot of people whose first instinct has been to make fun of this situation.
And to those people, I say this.
I am going to kick your fucking ass.
Ah!
Ah!
Okay.
What kind of a sick person would find this funny, would take glee from this?
That this great man, who was once so strong and brave that he called 12-year-old Chelsea Clinton a dog, should now be so enfeebled.
What this man is facing, how could you laugh at that?
Him lying in pain in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines and IV.
He needs to get a catheter change so the nurse just exposes him to everyone in the room.
He's got that thing where if you've gained a lot of weight in life, your dick gets inverted and malformed, and it's very difficult to find a hole.
How is this funny to anyone?
He looks down.
The nurse is young and attractive and has clearly never seen one of these situations before.
She's new and she's obviously trying to not laugh.
He struggles to say, it wasn't always like that, but he's too drunk up to talk.
Is this a comedic situation somehow?
Excuse me.
Eventually, the nurse realizes she has to clean this whole thing out.
Condoleezza Rice, who's there visiting him, has been staring in horror this whole time.
She can't look away.
Yeah, real hilarious, guys.
Just super funny.
Oh, no.
I agree.
No humor there.
Thanks for being one of the good ones, Jimmy.
I gotta go.
Pray for Rush.
I'll say a prayer about him.
How's that?
Bobby, say a prayer about him.
Okay, that's it, right?
Establishment media sets of arts fighting.
So good luck the bullshit they can't afford.
Watch and see as a jack-you'll comedium.
Speeds and jumps the medium and hits them head-on.
It's the Jimmy Door show.
Everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the joke, shall we?
You know, I think America found out this week that the DNC can be bought off for as little as half a chicken.
Vote tabulating tip.
I have a little vote tabulating tip for people in Iowa.
Never buy software advertised as the, quote, Boeing 737 of apps because it's going to crash a bunch of times.
The DNC can't even win an election against itself.
I mean, if Monday night's Iowa caucus proved anything, it's that we need to keep exporting our democracy and lecturing other countries on how to run their governments.
I mean, hey, there's probably an app for that, am I right?
FYI, Mayor Pete, declaring yourself the victor before votes are tallied is something an aspiring dictator does.
Bam.
Hey, congratulate me.
I just won Super Lotto, though I haven't looked at the numbers yet.
After hours and hours of silence, Tom Perez tweeted this about the Iowa debacle.
Quote, we have staff working around the clock to assist the Iowa Democratic Party to ensure that all votes are counted.
Isn't that what caused this in the first place?
That's like if someone was dumb and corrupt enough to put bankers in charge of fixing the banking crisis.
Come on, Tom.
Take a vacation, would you?
Here's some observations from the State of the Union.
Nancy Pelosi tore up Trump's speech, but left his war budget intact.
Now that takes courage, huh?
I hope Martin Scorsese got enough for that Coca-Cola commercial to afford to edit 90 more minutes out of the Irishman.
What's coming up on this week's show?
The Iowa debacle.
Inside and out, an app takes down democracy.
Or was it collusion between the media and the Democratic Party and the establishment elites?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Hey, a Clinton advisor has ties to the Iowa app made by a firm called Shadow.
No kidding.
And the DNC takes over counting Iowa votes.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Vince Vaughn, David Axelrod, Mitt Romney, Jeb Bush, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore show.
So here is, no kidding, this is the head of the Democratic Party in Iowa the night before the caucus.
You ready?
This is the night before the caucus.
Here we go.
The day before the caucus, we asked state party chairman Troy Price if he had any fear about tech glitches or other problems.
Do you have a nightmare scenario?
And if so, what do you do about it?
These are probably the most prepared.
Yeah, the nightmare scenario would be if we have to actually count the votes.
That would be a nightmare scenario.
All right, guys, count.
Oh, nightmare.
The day before the caucus, we asked state party chairman Troy Price if he had any fear about tech glitches or other problems.
Do you have a nightmare scenario?
And if so, what do you do about it?
These are probably the most prepared we've ever been as a party for these caucuses.
Is it?
Is it, Mr. Price?
Is it?
Now, do you think you're going to hit that iceberg, Mr. Titanic?
We're the most prepared we've ever been to hit a bunch of high school.
Jesus.
This is the most prepared we've ever been.
What's your nightmare scenario?
Well, what's going to happen tomorrow?
That's going to be our nightmare scenario.
Different scenarios, but I can tell you we're ready.
Former presidential candidate.
Are you?
I can tell you we're ready.
So now, how does that guy ever stay employed for the rest of his life?
That guy, right?
That's the captain of the Titanic.
Very much so.
Yeah.
I can tell you we're ready.
They were so not ready.
You want to know how not ready they were?
Watch this.
Watch this guy tell you.
Here's a reporter who talked to some of the people who are supposed to use that stupid app.
Here we go.
What are they saying?
So to get back to what Troy Price was saying, he said last night, as you heard in Major's piece, that they said this was a reporting issue, not a hack, not the app going down, and that they were concerned about the integrity of the results.
I called several county chairs.
We called several county chairs last night around Iowa.
Some who expressed frustration with the process.
They said, some said that they had precinct captains, precinct chairs who were able to use the app and report their results, but then there were issues with it sometimes afterwards.
And those who weren't able to use the app were calling in.
Many had long waits, some waiting over an hour, some had calls that got disconnected.
So there was a feeling of frustration from some of those county party chairs and the caucus chairs, the people who were leading those caucuses who had to report the results back when there were issues with the reporting of the app.
That then there were delays on the phone lines as that was the backup option.
Have you seen this app?
Do you know how it worked and how it was tested out?
So the app was designed to report all three numbers that they were going to be putting out.
The party was, which was, you know, a popular vote, two sets of popular vote numbers, and then the delegate numbers that would ultimately determine who the winner was.
As far as testing, the county, some county chairs we spoke to yesterday said when they were testing it with their precinct leaders last week and in the days leading up to the caucuses, they had issues downloading it, logging into it, running test results.
And they told their people if they were having those issues, just go ahead and call in.
That's the method that's been used before.
And some of those county leaders said that they expected that that hotline was going to be able to work again.
Now, some other county chairs that I spoke to said they never had any issues with the app when they were testing it.
And the first issues they had were last night.
One county chair said that he had issues on his first two tries, was able to get it through on his third try.
So as far as the testing, there's a bit of a mixed result, but some of those signs started to show within those county leaders.
And they were just telling people, just go ahead.
If the app doesn't work, you've got a number.
You know the drill and you can call it in.
Obviously, that didn't happen.
Obviously, it didn't work as easily as they made it sound it was going to work.
And there you go.
So they knew last week it wasn't working.
People, they were having a hard time.
Lots of people who were supposed to be downloading this app were having a hard time with it.
So they knew this.
So when that guy said, that guy, Tom Price, said, we've never been more ready.
We've tied every night without no problem.
He knew that he should have already known.
It's worse if he didn't know that there were people already having problems with it.
Wouldn't you say it's worse that he didn't know?
I would say it's worse.
So he probably knew and was and was lying because they were trying to work on it, maybe.
Well, they deliberately kept us in the dark about all this.
All of this.
And they kept us in the dark.
Everyone knew it was about to happen.
Like, okay, there's this app that they have to use in Iowa.
We don't really know who's behind it.
We don't know much about it.
And they wouldn't share information with us.
Why?
Well, according to an NPR report I listened to, if we share stuff, Russia might be able to tell you more.
Because if they did tell people more, maybe people would have been like, oh, wait, there's a lot of, seems like there's a little bit of conflict of interest going on here right away.
That's right.
So that guy, his reporting says that they knew there were problems.
This guy says that they knew that could never have been more ready.
Here's what he said.
This is the chair of the Democratic Party in Iowa.
He can't keep, this is his statement.
Taking a little time today to chat a little bit about what happened last night.
Oh, keep it cash.
The reporting of the results and circumstances surrounding the 2020 Iowa Democratic Party caucuses were unacceptable.
As chair of the party, I apologize deeply for this.
Well, that solves it.
Last night, we were.
So what?
Wait, unacceptable.
Okay.
I don't accept it.
So now where's the thing that is acceptable?
Do you have that?
Well, I'm sorry.
You don't have that?
Well, I feel bad.
I'm wanting to accept something.
All you have is something that's not acceptable.
What am I supposed to accept?
Well, I apologize.
Okay, here we go.
Faced with multiple reporting challenges and decided out of an abundance of caution to protect the integrity of the Iowa out of an abundance of caution.
See, we're doing this because we're grown up and responsible, not because we're fuck-ups and idiots.
It's because we're grown up and we're doing this out of an abundance of caution.
You're doing this because you guys can't count the vote on purpose.
Boy, I sure hope he's going to tell me there's a paper trail.
Oh, let's hear if there's a paper trail.
Caucuses and their results by taking the necessary steps to review and confirm the data.
A thorough, transparent, and independent examination of what occurred yesterday will follow.
But let me be clear.
Are you guys going to use an app during that investigation?
Yeah, I really like how he's just like, so last night we tried not giving a shit at all.
That was unacceptable.
That didn't work out.
We're going to be thorough this time.
Plan A fell short a little bit.
Who saw it coming?
Couldn't have imagined.
Okay, let's see what else this guy says.
My number one priority has been on ensuring to fucking cover my ass since day one I got in politics and watch me do it here.
Watch this.
You know what?
Can I just say this when I hear somebody say, and my number one priority is to have an abundance of caution and the caution the abundance?
The accuracy and integrity of the results.
That's a number one.
And we have been working all night to be in the best position to report results.
Hold on.
Don't you think you need an app before you do that?
You're going to be overtired.
You're going to make mistakes.
We've had studies to prove that stuff, Tommy.
Did he really just say we spent all night?
We worked all night.
There's your problem, Mr. Price.
You should have been spending months on this before last night.
We did.
They didn't pilot the program.
They should have piloted the program at every high school election this past fall to see if they could run the numbers.
Well, we're doing the same thing here in California, by the way.
Using an app?
It's not an app, but we're using machines that have never been tested.
California.
We're doing the same.
I mean, not the exact same thing.
It's not.
Right.
Everything.
I mean, you know.
You mean Pete's going to come in and win too in California?
Yeah, I think Pete's going to come in.
You know, this is a great way to ensure a revolution.
This is.
This is.
You know what?
They do this one more time, and I'm going to start a revolution.
I'm warning them.
I almost did it last time.
I almost did it last time.
I am so close to starting a revolution.
You don't really need that many people to start a revolution.
You need about 2% of the population.
So what's 2%?
This is an app.
So 2% of 300 million people in America.
2% of 300 million.
Somebody here better do the math.
Because I'm not the one.
2% times 300 million is 6 million.
My first guess was right.
God damn it.
Yeah, dude.
Always go with your first guess.
So did you, I don't know if you noticed, but all the uncount, most of the uncounted ballots are in Bernie Strongholds.
Did you know this?
I'm shocked.
This is I'm getting text from reliable sources.
Brian Selter's.
Yeah, that's what I was wondering.
Wow, Jimmy.
We're friends.
Jimmy, I know we have our differences, but I'm fine with that.
Jimmy, do you really think that I should know the ads that are playing on my show?
I mean, they don't affect me.
I watch the commercials now, thanks to you.
One Democratic official spoke to us being told that the DNC is taking over the accounting of the results.
The officials said this is that this is through their knowledge.
This has never happened before where the DNC has taken over counting the votes.
So they're going to take over counting the votes when we get to the Bernie strongholds.
Oh, thank God.
So now the DNC is going to take over counting votes when we start to count the Bernie's the strongest part of the state for Bernie.
Interesting, huh?
This is how they're going to cheat.
If you're wondering how they're going to do it, this is how they're doing it.
Now the DNC is coming in to count those votes.
The total number is values.
And Bernie Sanders didn't win.
This is unbelievable.
We're expecting an announcement from IDP chair Troy Price.
Okay.
So we already.
So that's from Kendall Carson.
So Troy's making another statement.
That's from Kendall Carson, and she's from ABC Politics Reporter.
So she tweeted that out.
She spoke with the Democratic official that told her the DNC is taking over the counting, the accounting of the results in Iowa.
So let's see what else this Jagoff has to say.
And here, in just a couple of minutes, we will be reporting 62% of precincts.
Those are the ones where Buddha Jiggies is the strongest.
The ones where Bernie is going to kick our ass, we're going to figure out how to burn those ballots.
And then the DNC is going to come in, and they're all going to be wearing clown outfits so they can shove shit up their ballots in their things.
We have a lot of unmarked vans.
And the next time you see me, I'll be in a t-shirt.
I'm tired.
What else this guy says?
From all 99 counties.
The bottom line is that we hit a stumbling block on the back end of the reporting of the data.
That's a neat way for it.
But the one thing I want you to know, we know this data is accurate.
Oh.
And we also have a paper trail and documentation that have been able to use to provide information to help verify the results.
And that's why we're stalling.
Can you positively?
And I just want to point out, as soon as I keep hearing this whole thing about paper trail, paper trail, paper trail, well, we might have a paper trail, but did anybody have, is there any, I mean, talk to Tim Canova.
What happened in Florida?
That's right.
Where did some of those ballots go?
That's right.
So this guy has screwed up so hard.
And so finally there's going to be that they're going to take away the Iowa caucus from Iowa because of this.
But let's just watch a little bit more of this.
And then we're going to get to the makers of that app.
He's like the Conan O'Brien of Iowa caucuses.
How so?
You know how Conan O'Brien lost the tonight show?
This is personal to me.
Yeah, because you're personally going to be held accountable.
That's why.
This is personal to me.
Look, that's his virtue signal.
Look, I'm a super solid dude.
This actually bothers me on a personal level.
I'm just not bothered professionally.
Personally, I really care.
So look how what a solid dude I am.
Because it personally bothers me.
Not impersonally, like some other asshole would be bothered.
Hidden bother to shave for this.
I'm a lifelong island.
I have caucused for 20 years.
And I know.
I've caucused with my caucus out.
Caulk out what you cocked out.
How important it is to our party, to our state, and to everyone, from our neighbors to new voters, to be able to come together all across this state.
We want Iowans to be confident in the results and in the process.
Too bad.
And we are going to take the time that we need to make sure that we do just that.
So I know folks are going to want to be seeing the results as they come in, but I'm happy to take a couple of quick questions before that happens.
Oh, he took questions.
Why did you agree to this app?
Why did any of this happen?
But anyway, so what's the state?
Everybody wants to know what's happening, right?
So you want to know?
So here's what's watch this.
Even now, Look at this.
It's uncompetence.
Watch this.
All right.
First of all, it says 95%.
It's not 95%.
It's 62%.
Look, all right.
It's been a big fuck-up for about 48 hours straight, and we decided we could do one too.
It's not what they said.
So they've decided to release some of the numbers, and they stopped the counting right where Pete Budigig has a delegate lead on Bernie.
Bernie has the popular vote lead, but he has a delegate lead.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
I don't even understand it.
So here, let's watch more.
That's a mistake right there.
But take a look.
With 62% of the precincts reporting, you can see you're going to the left part of your screen.
Butige, 26.9%.
Sanders, 25.1%.
That's of the delegates, right?
So that's not the popular vote because they're going to show you the popular vote in a second.
Warren, 18.3%.
Biden, 15.6%.
Klobuchar, 12.6%.
Yang, 1.1%.
Steyer, 0.3%.
Now it's been corrected.
You can see 62% of the precincts reporting there.
By the way, you can see Bloomberg at 0% and Tulsi Gabbard at 0% as well.
Let me repeat right now, these are the results with 62% of the precincts reporting.
These are the state delegates, the all-important state delegates, which will determine the winner of the Iowa caucus.
It says, once again, Pete Budig with 26.9% of the state delegates.
Isn't that something that's where they decided to stop the counting, where Pete Budegiggs was somehow, somehow, magically in front of Bernie Sanders?
Totally random spot to take a break.
So here's the popular vote.
Bernie Sanders has 28,220.
Pete Budegigg, second at 27,030.
Elizabeth Warren at 22,252.
And then Biden drops way down to 14,176.
So what I was being told from insiders in the Bernie campaign this morning was that Biden, according to, according to, I've been told off the record by people who I can't name, have said that their numbers show that Biden is not viable in Iowa, meaning he doesn't breach a 15% threshold.
Is that what that means?
I think 15 is the number.
That's what their numbers say.
Also, I've just been, I've just also been alerted that the DNC is now taking over the counting of the votes.
How's that for optics?
Oh, geez.
I just got a text.
The DNC is going to take it over.
From a very reliable source.
Oh, fantastic.
Saying that nothing.
So now the DNC is taking over the counting.
What could go wrong?
You guys don't like the shady ass app we got, huh?
Well, we have this shady-ass organization that's going to take over.
How do you like that?
Are you like, dad?
Imagine explaining this to somebody who's like not used to our electoral system.
No shit.
Like, people are upset.
Why are they upset?
Well, this app totally malfunctioned.
Oh, like, who made the app?
Like, did the government made the app?
No, no, no.
Some private company and they're shady.
And one of them is married to a strategist involved with this campaign.
One of the guy running funded it.
And yeah.
Huh.
So what happened?
So this is kind of complicated because you guys have proportional representation.
No, no, we don't.
Not exactly.
Not exactly.
We do not have that.
So here, there's the popular vote.
Oh, here's the rest of the losers.
So Amy Klobuchar, Andrew Ying.
It's amazing how well Kloja.
Amy Klobuchar, she must remind people of good times with.
Well, I think it's just the amount of exposure she gets.
I mean, when they give her equal time and pretend the actual frontrunners and no critical coverage.
No, not at all.
No critical coverage.
I mean, that they let her off.
I mean, every single debate, she'll just make statements and then they will not.
She'll be like, people aren't thinking big enough, says the person who's against everything.
Yeah.
So there it is.
There's your, that's your vote count.
That's not your delegate count.
Again, they only released 62% of the vote.
It doesn't.
I thought it was 95.
Turned out it was only 62.62.
Did you ever fail a test in high school?
Bet you wish that guy was great in your papers.
Whoops.
The 92, 62 guy.
95.
I thought the curve was at 95.
It's at 62.
Hey, you got an A or an F. I don't know, but you can keep the higher one, I guess.
I screwed up.
I remember when they changed a D used to be 68.
And then at some time in my lifetime in school, they changed it to 70.
And I'm like, what the F?
Why did I just keep it at 68?
What do you want people to fail?
You know what my grade school did?
And talk about like participation trophy land.
They wouldn't have F. They went A, B, C, D, E because they thought like F, like, oh, that just hurts too much.
You failed.
So it was an E instead.
I remember one time in first grade, I got a D, and my mom turned to me because she was really worried it was in reading.
I got a D. And she says, do you know what that stands for?
And I go, yes.
Des.
Ah, my sister's name.
So I was fine.
It didn't affect me whatsoever.
You know what D stands for?
Des.
I got a Des.
That's Stephanie.
Okay.
So there you go.
Here's the real result.
Well, they're not even the results.
So there's nothing.
It doesn't even make sense to report this, actually.
None of this makes sense to report because it doesn't mean anything.
Well, Jimmy, we were just watching CNN and the reporting was off the chart.
They went from, okay, so you have 15% right here and then it goes 16%.
But let's go ahead and look at our map.
That's their second choice.
Right here, the third choice.
And this is the county.
They do it by count.
Let's see.
It's so crazy.
It's so nuts what they're doing at CNN.
I'm sure they're doing it everywhere, but with the different, look, here's this county.
We press a button and all these lights light up and press a button and all those light.
Here's the club chart.
It's like nuts.
There's just data overload that doesn't mean anything.
It's like they were waiting for this very long.
They're like, all right, the results are screw up.
Get the button map.
We can play with the lights now.
Yeah.
Are we still doing the hologram?
This is almost as fun as when we had that model plane a couple years back.
This is a dream.
Can we get William on the hologram?
I like William on the hologram.
People are texting me.
Hold on.
Are they giving you information?
Oh, I am certainly getting information.
Don't say my name, but here's some stuff.
It's a hot tip.
Hey, so when people ask you, hey, how do you know they're stealing the election?
This is how you know.
Here it is.
Mark Van Landuit texted me.
Hang on, let's see.
I don't even know what it is.
Oh, my God.
It's so exciting.
This is like.
Hopefully he didn't say don't mention myself.
I wasn't able to confirm the Iowa part, but I did find FEC receipts showing comparatively lofty sums paid to Shadow by one mayor, Pete.
Oh, yeah.
As well as the Nevada Democrats.
What?
Where did he found stuff?
Send it to us.
Yeah, at the FEC receipts.
Yeah, I saw those screenshots.
Pete Buttigig, I think the total was like close to 50,000.
Oh, really?
It was in that ballpark.
I don't remember the exact number, but it was around 50.
And then Joe Biden gave a little bit too.
But Pete Budigig was by far the most.
For our future, is that what he is?
Is that his company for our future?
Is that what Pete Buddy is?
Well, I think it was just Pete for America.
That was a screenshot I saw.
It just said Pete for America.
And then the Iowa Democrats.
Pete for America.
Pete for America.
Oh, look at that.
Yes.
$40 some thousand dollars he gave this.
Yeah.
What in the F thing?
F and F. Are you epic?
what?
Okay.
Are you kidding me?
No, man.
And it's, yeah, it gets bad because it's like.
Are you kidding me?
What?
They're just reporting it like it's normal, too.
Like, that's what makes it worse.
Hello.
Hello, Jimmy.
This is Political Firebrand and passionate observer of the truth, David Axelrod.
How are you and your special lady doing today?
Mr. Axelrod, what's your take on what happened in Iowa?
As you might have heard me say on my podcast, the Axe Files, Bernie had a good showing.
It revealed how Iowa voters are literally hungry for passion.
They craze passion.
The fact is, Bernie is built for the duration.
Kind of like I am.
How's your special lady doing, by the way?
David, what?
I'm saying Bernie has a renewable financial base of support.
He'll be fine.
He's the adult in the room here, and he's not raising a stink about Iowa.
It's not his public face that's the problem.
It's Bernie's supporters who cause all the problems on their devices.
Their device.
Their devices?
Yes.
The very device I'm using right now to make this sweeping, evidence-free accusation.
Are you burned out with Bernie, Jimmy?
I don't know what you mean by that, buddy.
Because if you're burned out from all this political hullabaloo, you can always take a break with my quirky observational humor and lighthearted clips on my other podcast, The Rod Report.
The Rod Report.
Absolutely.
Rod is the third syllable of my last name, and I turned it into the name of my podcast, The Rod Report.
That's really good, I guess.
The reviews are in for my new podcast, and they say the Rod Report is really rubbing people the right way.
Ah!
Well, all I can say is, ew.
Don't take it from me.
Here's what Mike Royko of the Chicago Sun Times wrote: Let the button downline of David Axelrod's Rod Report unzip itself in your living room.
Mike Royko died like years ago, and that's disgusting.
That's a load of milarkey.
You might as well try to tell me Barack Obama didn't reduce unemployment by 6%.
Well, that's hard to measure since so many people are working two jobs at the same time, David.
You realize this?
Look, I understand what it's like to work two jobs.
I have the axe files and the rod report.
What happens when your schedules conflict?
I have many talented associates willing to fill in for me, like the great Paul Begala for the talented Robert Gibbs.
They're so unique, yet interchangeable.
Fact check, did you know that tomato is not a vegetable, but in fact, a very large bean?
No, no, I don't.
No, that's not true.
Then why don't you come on my ride report and make your case to my audience?
All you have to do is pay a small processing fee, which includes a subscription to the ride report, the axe files.
And my newest podcast, Get Up All in That Shit with Dave.
That's why I talk about getting all of that shit.
I'll think about it.
Thanks, Dave.
Subscribe now, and you'll receive a booklet of everyday helpful hints for around the house.
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Hello?
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So here is recently uncovered information about that app that seems to be screwing up the counting in the caucuses in favor of Pete Buddhiga.
So look at this.
This is from the FEC.
This is disbursements.
And this is money given to Shadow Inc.
Shadow Inc.
is the company that made this app.
Yeah, they couldn't even come up with like a not shady name.
Shadow Inc.
They're like, Deep State Dwellers was taken.
We're going to have to settle on Shadow Inc.
We stopped that because somebody already had shady motherfuckers.
Yes.
And Sneaky 2020.
So if you look down here, there's Pete for America Gillibrand donated five grand twice.
And then Pete for America.
Oh, wow.
Pete for America donated 21 grand, eh?
21 fucking grand twice.
So that's $42,500.
He donated to an app company.
Why are these people, Ron?
Why are these people donating to an app company?
I don't know.
Now, my thing is, maybe he knew something was coming.
Maybe.
Um...
Maybe.
Maybe there was going to be a payoff?
Maybe.
Like, it's almost like maybe someone who's higher up in a company called Acronym, which Shadow Inc.
is under that umbrella.
Maybe, just maybe.
Did you say umbrella?
Maybe they know somebody.
Maybe they knew something was coming.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Maybe he did.
So I don't even understand.
Why are people donating to Shadow Freaking Inc.?
That's a great question, right?
Yeah.
You know, somebody who's going to help rent the results of an upcoming.
Come on.
Biden donated also, but he's a little cheaper.
He only gave him $1,200, huh?
He really invested in the texting app, though.
That's like, I used to be able to get a pound of weed for $1,200.
I don't even know if you can get that now.
I just got a corridor.
It's got a fucking corridor for $120.
Well, Tara McGowan, who is high up in acronym, which Shadow is under the acronym Umbrella, she is married to Michael Howell, who is a senior strategist with the Bootage Edge campaign.
Oh, no, effing good.
Yeah, I'm going to send you a...
I'm going to send you a screenshot, right?
Thank you, Lee Fong, over at the MC.
So here, this person said, so let's recap.
First, Pete Buddegig stops the Iowa polls from being published.
How about first time ever they didn't publish the Iowa polls?
That's right.
Did you know that?
Yep.
The Des Moines Register, right?
That's what it was.
They didn't publish their polls.
Yeah.
It was a gold standard.
Right.
And they started publishing stuff at one point, then they retracted it.
Yeah.
And that wasn't just the register.
That was across the internet.
This has nothing to do with Bernie upending the establishment, I'm sure.
Then with 111 votes for Bernie and 47 for Pete, they both received two delegates at a caucus.
What?
That's how he has the delegate lead.
See that?
Now he funded the app that was supposed to track the caucus, but ended up crashing, delaying the results.
Here, this is them.
This is the app company.
Meet the shadow team.
No problem.
Just call it.
Just call it.
Just go ahead and call it shady.
Just go ahead and do it.
Yeah, I mean, they're almost there.
It's like shadow government.
Yeah.
Meet the shadow government team.
Like, what do you, you know, these guys are that didn't mess up like, like, they didn't mess up and accidentally name their company this.
They're doing this right in your fucking face.
No kidding.
They are.
They are.
They fucking have to.
I mean, you couldn't write this movie script.
No.
Like, you couldn't write this.
Two votes over the top.
Yeah, that's way too over the top.
You're telling me that in an election they're picking Shadow Inc.
to come up with an app.
They don't tell you anything about it, and then people use it willingly.
That's a little amateurish writing.
Yeah.
Really?
It's called Shadow Inc.
Why don't you just call them bad guys?
Yeah.
Yeah, come on, man.
George Orwell came and went.
Yeah, what?
You have him wearing black cowboy hats too?
Take a screenwriting.
Come on, get it.
Get negative class together.
Owns the Des Moines Register.
So Gannett?
Gannett, yeah.
Yeah.
And so what are some of the other things Gannett owns?
They're holdings.
Thank you.
Who owns fucking Gannett?
That's what I want to know.
Why don't you look up who owns Gannett?
Pete for America.
I bet you.
Michael Bloomberg.
New media investment group.
New Media Investment Group.
What else do they own?
Who owns New Media Investment Group?
See, this is the fucking spider.
This is the rabbit hole you go down.
And it all comes back to boom VioComp.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
Or, oh, NBC Universal.
And in a couple of years, it's just going to come down to United States Inc.
Yeah, that's right.
Oh, it's just going to be like.
It's Amma Disney.
Yeah.
Right?
It's Disney's on.
That's going to be it.
And this is exactly, I'm pretty sure this is what Marks predicted.
I haven't read Marks.
I've listened to other people read them out loud.
Anyway.
So the parent organization is Gatehouse Media.
So the parent organization is another one.
Gatehouse Media.
And who nobody owns them?
Gatorhouse Medium.
Yeah, so I'm looking into it right now.
Okay.
And they also own the paper in South Bend.
Isn't that interesting?
So the same company that owns the Des Moines Register also owns the newspaper of note in South Bend.
The Zoink.
Gannett is also the largest U.S. newspaper publisher.
Gannett is.
Oh, they've dated the USA Today today.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, because all those websites, they all have like the same format, like the layout.
Oh, yeah.
The sites when you go on it online.
So here's the shadow team.
We are a campaign and something else built and implemented technology at Hillary for America.
That's neat.
That's where they come from.
So if you think they're going to, they're incapable of getting an app that can counter progressive vote.
Are you shitting me?
They have a glitch.
Oh, it's a glitch.
It's called democracy.
They've implemented technology at Hillary for America, Obama for America, Google, Kiva, Apple, the AFL-CIRO.
Our passion.
Our passion is branding our name and content in a very lugubrious manner.
Our passion is to create a permanent advantage for progressive campaigns and causes through technology for progressive campaigns.
That's why they worked for Hillary for America.
And Google, you know, progressive Google who took away their don't do evil thing.
This is wild.
This is happening.
I think there isn't there a photo of the team too included in the.
So is it a yes?
Is it a conspiracy theory?
Now, are you going to be called a conspiracy theorist for saying this stuff?
Like making obvious connections between the money from Boudig's, the newspapers, the app people?
Are we going to, and now the DNC, so they cut, they figure out we got to stop Bernie.
We're going to, we want to stop the vote.
Somehow, we have to stop it where Buddigs is in the head, is an elite.
And they did.
So they figured out how to do that.
And now they're going to bring in the DNC to count Bernie's votes.
Why don't you just bring Trump in to count Bernie's votes?
Well, they're counting on people to passively just be passive about it.
That's what they're counting on.
I mean, they're counting on, I don't think it's going to be like, oh, they're just going to call you a conspiracy theorist and write you off.
I think it's going to be more like a Florida 2000 scenario where they're just hoping you're going to be a big baby.
Yeah.
Just deal with it.
The key here is, now they're not bringing the DNC in to count the votes to make it more accurate.
That's not what's happening.
Why would they let the Iowa people count 62% of the votes, then go, you know what?
We're going to take over.
Doesn't that mean those first 62, they're suspect then?
If they're not, why would you change who's counting them?
Unless you wanted to cheat.
Well, let's go a little further.
So now the DNC, Ron, and Steph, is going to come in and count Bernie's strongholds.
And so when they screw him, do you think, what do you think?
Let me ask my panel.
What do you think the chances of them counting the votes accurately are?
Be like, well, there's an 80% chance, 50% chance, 2%.
I mean, can you guess a negative?
Right.
Like, I mean, zero.
There's zero chance that they're going to count those votes correctly.
Absolutely zero.
And I'm just thinking you've looked later down the line, and it's like, imagine this type of chaos just pursues throughout the entire election season.
And they go, well, gee, we don't have a clear frontrunner.
This has been such a surprise.
Obviously, it's got to go to a second ballot every day.
I hope somebody can save us from all this chaos.
Oh, well, glad you said that, Steph.
Here come the super delegates.
You're welcome, democracy.
Well, you know, we already know that they're not going to use the app in Nevada.
Nevada already said.
Although in the last, although on your list, they had given money.
I think I've heard that.
Yeah, Nevada already gave them a bunch of money.
Yeah.
So here's what Nick Bronha tweeted out.
To recap, Bernie leads the Iowa polls.
The Iowa Democrats deploy a vote counting app developed by Hillary 2016 alums.
The app is tested by Robbie Mook's consultancy, even though he says it wasn't.
He's saying he wasn't involved in it.
Oh, okay.
Personally, I think that's where he's named.
Boudigig paid 42 grand to the app developer.
So, you know, they probably paid that.
Remember, I said, why are they donating?
They're probably making those payments for like services.
So, like, Shadow Inc.
did some work for Boudigig, and they charged them 42 grand.
Or they were going to do some future work for Boudicig.
Or some future work, eh?
Oh, must be nice, huh?
Must be nice.
Get a nice 42 grand up front.
Hey, must be nice.
I love people who talk like that.
I love also what they go, right is right.
Right is right.
Okay.
Who's saying right is wrong?
Right is right and it is what it is.
And it is what it is.
It is what it is.
It will be the way it is.
Let it be.
Hey, don't bullshit a bullshitter.
I love those guys.
Iowa Democrats released partial results omitting Bernie's strongholds.
That's that.
We reported that.
And a DNC is taking over the vote count.
So I don't know what's going to take to get people to get torches and pitchforks.
Here's some of the people from Shadow Inc.
There they are.
They don't look like criminals, right?
They just look like nerds.
They look like nerds who didn't know they were going to be taking a photograph or they would have put it on a little powder.
Like I put on a little powder so I don't shine.
I do it for you, not for me.
I imagine they all have like costumes and they're like the lamest X-Men squad ever.
You know, like, here's neoliberal Nancy.
What do you think they're all laughing about?
Where should we stop the vote count?
62%.
Snap.
They think the caucus mad or something.
These two are looking at each other like, are we going to cheat?
You said cheat.
I said beat.
Beat for America.
That's right.
Beat for America.
So underneath, Terry McGowan says, if we want to build real political power, we need to fix this problem at Shadow.
And at Shadow, we've got a plan.
The talent and the resources to make it happen.
So I'm pretty stoked.
If you want to learn more about Shadow's roadmap, DM me.
We'd love to nerd out with you.
Hey, Terry McGowan, once again, married to Michael Hell, senior strategist with Pete Buddigic.
Married to Michael Howell, senior strategist with Pete Boudic.
With Shadow, we're building a new model incentivized by adoption over growth with a deep focus on building the underlying tech infrastructure that will enable campaigns to use the most effective new tools in smarter ways and better integrate and leverage data across platforms.
Adoption over growth and graphics over accuracy.
The new Shadow Inc.
So doesn't it sound, did you, so on, doesn't it sound like she is a part of this, right?
Like Tara is involved in it.
Sounds like it.
Okay.
She also goes on to say, I'm so excited to announce another Nachronism has acquired Groundbase, the best CRM plus SMS duel on the political market, along with their incredible team led by Gigi are launching Shadow, a new tech company to build smarter infrastructure for campaigns.
Well, I'm going to guess Shadow Inc.
is going to be out of business tomorrow.
That's how good you guys are.
And they cashed in first.
They cashed it.
Cashed in first, eh?
They even got some Nevada's money.
Yep.
Nevada's not going to use it.
Yes, this company will be dissolved and then they will all get jobs at another company.
You know what's funny about Gerard Niemira, who she said?
His tweets are protected.
Yeah, they're all doing that.
Shadow.
I think they all do.
Like all the people involved.
They're protecting their tweets right now and stuff like that.
Yeah.
That's what a tech guy does.
That's your big solution.
That's what.
Here's Robbie Book.
What does he say?
Is this the end of party-run caucuses like this in Iowa and elsewhere?
I think it might be.
You know, I think it's time for us to really question whether operatives should be running these or actual election officials who are real professors.
I mean, party op operatives.
You think it's time after you guys cheated in 2016 and now you guys are cheating again?
I think it's time because it's really getting obvious.
I think it is time.
I think it's weird we even have elections.
I was kind of partial to the idea of a queen.
I was fine with Hillary for that.
We can still do that.
So this is Robbie Mook from the Hillary Clinton campaign.
He's one of the geniuses who taught up Russia Gates.
Versus state employees.
Exactly.
I think this needs to be left to the pros.
He sounds so reasonable.
He doesn't sound like a fucking cheat, does he?
You got to leave it to the pros.
I mean, I went on to lose to an orange clown.
So leave it to the pros.
Let them do it.
You know, why is it I have great disdain just the way Robbie Mook says pros?
Yeah, he's off-putting, isn't he?
Can you rewind it so I can hear his pros?
Well, he's trying to sound again.
He's doing that thing where that other guy was doing too.
It's like, I take this personal.
They're trying to sound over responsible.
We really should leave this to the post.
And I didn't say this when we were cheating.
Yeah, after we fuck over Bernie and there's nobody left to represent the people, I think we should leave it up to the pros then.
Operatives versus state employees.
Exactly.
I think this needs to be left to the pros.
That's his tell.
Oh, I love it.
It tells when his eyebrows go up like that.
I think it's time we leave this to the pros.
Like, why did we, we leave it to the pros.
You got to love the corporate media, man.
On CBS, we got Robbie Mook talking about election integrity.
Ah!
And if you want to switch the channel to MSNBC, we got Claire McCaskill talking about winning elections.
Isn't this great?
Isn't this great?
We got a who's who.
And we got Brian Williams talking about integrity of speech.
Brian Williams.
This is more.
Is this the end of the part?
Yes, it is the end.
It is the end.
I wanted to see him do the thing with his eyes again.
Let's watch that.
Exactly.
I think this needs to be left to the pros.
We need the pros.
The pros totally need to be running our elections.
Am I out of my minor?
Does he look like he had some work done?
Or do you need to just get a Pete Buddha's hair?
He's just a pro.
Like, I mean, really, it's like.
This is what you do.
Are you going to tell me next he has a blue check beside his name?
Like a pro.
Like a pro.
We are, why is this so much fun lately?
And we got to see here right now.
Every vote should be cast and counted.
And we're running into problems where maybe that's a problem.
Robbie.
Did he just tell us every vote should be cast and counted?
I think this needs to be left to the pro.
And we're just seeing here right now, every vote should be cast and counted.
And we're running into problems where maybe the technology is an issue or the ballots are an issue.
Or the people are fucking cheating again.
Like, I did what he's like.
Was he this dramatic and obvious when he was running Hillary's campaign?
Because that might explain a lot if he was just like, so look, our goal here is that people vote and we want them to vote for Hillary as opposed to somebody else.
And we're the pros.
We're the pros.
We're the pros.
Let's just leave this to professionals.
My guess is in New Hampshire.
You know, this will be, this will be run for.
Every time he says professionals, his eyebrows go up.
He did it again.
Watch this.
That's very much because he's office.
We leave this to professionals.
It is.
It goes up.
See?
His eyebrows went up.
They're up.
Look at they're up.
They're up like freaking vampire up.
They're like Vedracula up.
Watch because they'll go down.
Watch.
They will go down.
This is in New Hampshire.
They went down.
Now they're down.
Yeah.
They go down for less.
I'm going to back it up.
Where do they go up?
Let's go.
Come on.
Come on up.
Oh.
And then now they go down.
Watch.
We'll see him go down.
He's talking about a state.
See?
Professionals.
Is this weird that I'm doing this?
No, I like it.
Me too.
It's like up and down.
It's like, God, you want to vote?
No, just kidding.
You want a fair election?
No, not that I watch.
You think these guys are dressed by the same mommy?
Come on.
It might be funny to go on.
Put fucking something in your pocket.
Look a little different.
Asshole.
It's like they belong to a cult.
Are you guys at some religious sect?
That's what it looks like, right?
Do you have your blue shirt?
I've got my blue shirt.
Where's your blue blazer?
Mine's a little bit off-gray.
You think he dyes his beard?
Yeah, I think it's possible.
Maybe.
I mean, from where I'm sitting, it looks a little salt and peppery, so maybe not, but.
Okay.
Robbie will go with the fade.
Right?
Okay, so let's.
Is that it?
Hampshire, you know, this will be, this will be run very differently and we'll know the answer.
Meanwhile, this was supposed to be the big kickoff to the campaign, and we got nothing here.
And candidates who are depending on this for momentum are trying to have to, they're trying to make it up.
Yeah, this is a total goat rodeo, and it's a goat rodeo.
You know what I mean?
That's a folksy metaphor for the middle, huh?
This is him walking out of his house that morning.
See you, honey.
Don't forget to use Goat Rodeo.
That's your answer trademark.
trademark.
I mean, Go Rodeo.
Proud of themselves.
You knew it.
You knew there was going to be some backslapping after.
That was fucking nice, buddy.
That was nice.
Absolutely.
Republicans have called a crazy launch, but nobody knows what's going on.
I mean, at the end of the day, the real winner here, the results are in is Donald Trump.
I mean, how is he not the winner from this?
Every front page of every newspaper no longer has a candidate's picture on it and their name.
It has indecision in Iowa.
It's chaos.
Can't you see at the White House today, Terry?
They're saying to the Democrats, keep doing what you're doing.
Right.
Well, I think they've been saying that for a while at the White House.
I mean, you know.
But you know what?
I guess it's a joke.
You know what I like best about the Iowa caucus?
Is the transparency?
Yeah, me too.
Well, that is something they've been doing on the news all day.
They've just been going on like this is normal because they want you to accept that.
I mean, I've been watching like stream after stream.
Like one, they just started reporting on the stock market.
They were just like, you know, investments are up.
Now that people know our election are a total scam.
They're investing more.
Yay.
Here's what Robbie Mook actually has to say.
He says, sorry, folks, I did not have anything to do with building the Iowa caucus app.
I don't know anything about it.
I'm not a pro.
But I had no role in it and don't own a company that makes mobile apps.
Please contact Iowa Democrats with questions about it.
Now, that's not, he's not being entirely forthcoming, right?
He's still holding back some information.
And that information would be what?
That he actually is a stockholder in that company that makes he's a stockholder or not.
No, I can't speak.
We don't know.
Yeah.
So what are the early reports?
What is that?
He's saying that he had involvement of some sort.
Like, were those completely false?
He might have been.
Maybe I should text Nick Barana because he tweets this out.
Tested by Robinson.
Tested by Robbie Hook's consultancy.
So that's possible.
He could have been involved in some testing, but he's saying I'm not directly involved.
I didn't make it.
I don't clean the company.
But he didn't say, I wasn't involved in the testing.
He didn't say that.
He didn't say anything like that.
Did he say that?
So I don't know anything about it.
Had no role in it.
Nope.
See?
My consultancy firm did test it.
He could say that.
Right.
He didn't.
He didn't say my consultancy firm didn't test it.
So I'm going to say, I'm going to get.
I'm going to straight-up deny that part.
All right.
So I'm going to guess that Nick Brown is correct when he says that his consultancy firm tested it.
That ring sounds like Mitt Romney.
Hello.
Who is this?
Jimmy, this is Mitt Metery Romney.
Before warned, however, that today I am not Mittens.
For today, I am a man alone.
A man alone?
Yes, Jimmy.
That's what the New York Times says.
A man alone.
That's a lot like being a Maverick, but better.
Because John McCain was a maverick, but he's dead now.
So he can't be a Maverick anymore.
Come to think of it, being dead is pretty alone.
Anyway, I was going to be the new Maverick, remember?
That's what everybody said.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, that fell flatter than Pierre DeLecto's ball sack.
So now the New York Times says, I'm a man alone.
Pretty nice, huh?
Got a nice ring to it.
This one just might stick.
My team has confidence in it.
Why are they calling you a man alone?
I brought a little carton of chocolate milk into the trial.
I like chocolate and hot dog.
Jeez.
And hot dog.
Wow.
Yeah, they were super stressed.
And I just drank my chocolate milk and told them to chillax.
That's why CPAC didn't invite me to their stupid conference this month.
I read it had something to do with you voting to allow witnesses at the trial.
That was my way of saying it won't make any difference, but I might look good doing it.
That's my style, Jimmy.
I reach across the aisle and stuff.
Don't people see through that, Mitt?
Where have you been?
This is the trial of the century of the year of the week of my career.
If my years as a missionary in France during the Vietnam War taught me anything, it was look useful without actually doing anything.
Well, who are the witnesses, Mitt?
Heard of John Bolton much?
Okay, any witnesses with better reputations than his, though?
Come again?
He's a war criminal.
It's a character thing some people might bring up, Mitt.
Oh, well, I got others.
You got others?
What others do you have, Mitt?
I'd love to hear it.
Oh, I have binders full of witnesses.
Binders and binders and blinders.
I'm all bound up with blinders.
I am truly a man alone with binders.
You know, being a man alone must come with a real lot of responsibility.
Is that right?
You'll never know the pain and hardship, Jimmy.
Somebody yelled at me in the grocery store today.
Maybe you should have an assistant do your shopping for a while or something.
I do.
That was my body double.
I said about to make people think I'm one of them, but I am not.
I am a man alone.
Oh, and hot dog is my favorite meat.
Can I just say one thing before I go?
Sure, go ahead.
What?
What is it?
Iowa.
Bitt Romney.
All right, so I'm going to show you a video.
You want to see the establishment shitting his pants.
And listen to how dumb Chris Matthews.
He tries to compare Bernie to McGovern, and it's just such a huge stretch.
Here we go.
This is from, I think, today.
Yes.
I think so.
Yeah.
Here we go.
What are my thoughts?
I'm not happy.
I'm not happy with this field.
I think they got to find a candidate for president that could be Trump.
And you don't think anybody in this family?
I'm looking.
I'm still looking.
I've been to donor meeting after donor meeting.
I've been looking.
Oh.
Donor dinner after donor dinner.
I'm still looking.
And I haven't seen the guy.
I haven't seen our candidate who could beat Trump.
First of all, you tell me if Chris Matthews is drunk here.
This is how you talk when you're drunk.
This is how you talk.
Seriously, yeah.
So I think they're doing their show at a bar.
That's like they like to do in Des Moines, right?
I know right where that bar is right around the corner from the big media center.
And so I think he's imbibing.
Is that a word?
Yes, it is.
And so here he goes.
What's the problem?
Obvious problems.
They're all problems.
Bernie Sanders is.
Draw obvious problems.
They're all problems.
They're all the problems.
Right?
That's what I'm saying.
We got to take this country back.
I'm telling you, like, they're all problems.
That's drunk edge.
I don't have a problem.
They have a problem.
That's right.
Vibe.
They're all problems.
That's like you're drunk at a bar at two in the morning talking politics.
Yeah, dude.
They're all problems.
Tag problems.
What?
So what?
He doesn't tell us any of the problems.
Watch what the problem is.
Watch this.
Come on, Chris.
What are my thoughts?
I'm not happy.
I'm not happy with this field.
I think they got to find a candidate for president that could be Trump.
And you don't think anybody that's looking, but I'm still looking.
Still looking.
What's the problem?
Obvious problems.
They're all problems.
Bernie Sanders is not going to be president of the United States.
Okay.
I went back to this.
Bernie Sanders is not going to be president of the United States, okay?
Oh.
What is that?
What is that?
All right.
So, oh, you fucking kids with your goofy ideas.
I'm not happy.
I'm not happy.
This beer bottle is empty.
I'm not happy.
Like, why?
Yeah.
Why would he be angry about it?
Look, look, Bernie Sanders is not going to be proud of that.
Like, what is that condescension?
What is that?
Yeah, man.
I don't know.
I mean, he does not sound sober.
Like, the guy who's leading in the polls is like, I'm talking tighter.
Well, then this McGovern thing is so.
I mean, first of all, that's such a tired.
Let's watch it.
So let's watch all the way through and then we'll comment on them in Government Park because here it comes.
They're all problems.
Bernie Sanders is not going to be president of the United States.
Okay.
I went back to the 72 race.
I was a young volunteer for the DNC.
I was working for a senator from Utah at the time.
I've got to tell you, it feels a lot like it.
A lot of giddiness, a lot of excitement.
I'm thrilled about this guy.
Saying a lot like governed.
Well, exactly, because he was.
So, what's the problem?
I asked Chris Matthews.
Chris Matthews says the problem, a lot of problems, everything, every problem.
And the first problem and only problem he mentions is that people are excited about Bernie Sanders.
It's like it reminds me of 72 when people were excited.
You get excited about somebody and they go on and lose.
They lose.
And then sometimes they win, but sometimes they lose too.
If you're excited.
You shouldn't be excited about anything except for another shot.
That's right.
I'll tell you, give me a goddamn shot.
I'll tell you, give me a goddamn shot.
I can't even.
Very exciting.
Very excited the party completely blew away a really good candidate like Muskie, a really good guy.
He blew him right on the water because he had some issues.
Now, analytically, I think a couple things.
He had issues.
He blew Muskie out of the water.
He was a really good candidate.
Well, if he was a really good candidate, how did he get blown out of the water by a guy who got fucking wiped out in a general?
How good of a candidate?
You can't say those things.
Those don't make sense.
It's because the people were excited.
I didn't.
And they were thinking and they were just excited.
When people get excited about a guy, they just vote for him.
Claire McCaskill and I are going to get tacos.
I don't know what you guys are doing.
Listen to this fucking jackass.
Listen to this guy.
One is Warren was riding high.
I thought she was going to sweep the...
That was even her tribal name.
Ah, those jokes are okay.
Got them all cleared.
Everything.
I shouldn't have first too easily and just keep going.
She was the one candidate.
She was just going to keep going.
That's what he's saying.
I just thought she was going to riding high.
She's going to keep going.
Like, not even stop.
Just keep going.
I just thought she's like the energy buddy.
Just barkeep.
Barkeep.
Is this a goddamn bar?
I want to keep going.
So you can do that.
What happened?
She got a lot of scrutiny.
You don't want a lot of scrutiny.
She got a lot.
Wow.
She got a lot of scrutiny.
He's like she's running for president or something.
She got a lot of scrutiny.
Like the guy who says the obvious thing, like it's profound.
She's got a lot of scrutiny.
You want to run for president?
You're ready for scrutiny?
You got to talk and stuff.
People are going to look at the things you say and do.
And some of it they might not like it, and some of it they might.
It will be scrutinized, though.
What are you going to do if they get excited?
Oh, that's bad.
That's bad.
That's oh.
You know what?
Excitement.
This is a news guy.
This is a news guy.
And she got a lot of it.
Does this stuff add up?
The Medicare for all the free college, all that stuff got killed.
And guess who's going to get it now?
Bernie's going to get it now.
Bernie's going to ride hot.
He's finally going to get scrutiny about his whole life, his ideology, his whole life.
Oh, finally.
They're going to find this is the Sean Hannity used to say about Barack Obama in 2011 and 20.
Oh, we're finally going to vet him.
See, Chris, he doesn't use the vet word because that's Fox News' word.
So now he uses scrutinize.
So now Bernie's going to get his whole life.
And once they find out that he's been consistent, look out.
There's going to be more excited people, but it's not.
Medicare for all is wiped out.
I think it has like 70-some percent approval.
Wiped out.
I wiped it out.
I fucking did it.
I wiped it out a week ago before I came here.
Don't tell me.
Phil Griffin.
Phil, get him out of the phone.
Phil, I got this goddamn Willie Geist blowing fucking shit out.
You know my problems.
I talk into a microphone for a Comcast.
What do you?
What do you do?
I'm really enjoying this.
Who is this guy ideologically?
It's not just the nice, good stuff like healthcare.
Why did he?
It's also the shitty stuff like, I don't know, decent wages and education.
Shit like that.
The environment.
Once they be looking at the league.
He sang a song once.
He didn't have a shirt on.
You tell me what that was.
Let's fucking scrutinize that, comrade.
Dude, the best is yet to come in this thing.
I know, I know.
I know.
Here it comes.
Does he say the stuff he does about Madoran people like that?
Why does he say Denmark one week and then somebody else?
I mean, what's he going to say next week?
Sweden or Finland or Iceland?
What is this guy?
Does Bernie Sanders own a map or something?
It's a big idea with that.
Saying countries.
Like, oh, there's places I know they are.
This week it's Denmark.
Next week, who knows?
Sweden, Finland.
God forbid, Greenland.
Okay.
Figure out who the guy is.
I think I know because I've dealt with these guys most of my adult life.
They're usually the guys at the card tables at an Award rally.
They'll be there some old guy with some old literature from this socialist party.
Seriously, this guy is drunk.
He has to be.
Even the people at the panel have no idea what he's doing.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Do that, trying to sell it, trying to latch on to the NIWAR movement.
There's always guys like that.
And they're usually good people.
There's always guys like what?
Guys that were against the wards.
You ever been to a casino and you're there playing cards and some guy's like, hey, look at my socialist liar.
like no Ah, Chris Matthews is fucking hammered.
This is what happens when you get drunk and you're really scared of something.
You get fucking, and he's not, he's not winning.
He's not winning, okay?
Why?
A lot of problems.
Like what?
People are excited about him.
That's not good.
And then people are going to fight out about his consistent record.
Look out.
I got a lot of shit to say.
But what do we need to be worried about with him?
He's like a guy at a card table.
You ever see that guy?
You ever see the card table guy?
We all know that guy.
You don't want to be a card table guy.
What does he mean?
I am going to be a card table guy for Halloween.
Oh, that's why I do.
But I'm totally doing it.
Okay.
Non-negotiable demands, you know, yelling up at the administration building during the anti-war movement.
I know him.
Oh, battle looks like.
Look at Willie Geist.
Mike literally is, oh, Chris.
What is Willie Geist doing?
Where's Willie?
Oh, there's Willie.
Willie.
Willie's like, this is interesting.
I bet you Jimmy Dorr is going to make fun of you.
And Tom Broko is going, Rosh Burger, I could go hunter.
He's there going, I wonder if I want.
I think I wonder how my polo ponies are doing.
Why did I wear white socks?
Why would you fucking wear a fucking god damn it?
You're going to do the fucking news.
I shouldn't have missed out on the open bar.
Where's my?
I've got to go do the news.
Where's my Ash got?
He refers to Bernie Sanders as a problem.
That we got a problem.
We.
We.
And what is the problem?
We might get health care.
That's the problem.
I know him, but I think the country's going to get to know him.
I think we got a problem.
We'll see.
But, you know, nobody's going to say it tonight.
They're all going to be cheering.
Good old Bernie.
You know, I think he's going to win big tonight.
Real big.
Real.
Which is why he won't win.
He's not going to win, believe me.
He's going to win big tonight.
People are excited, and that's wrong.
We got a problem.
Yeah, we got problems.
And you know who Chris Matthews is in the tank for?
It has to be Joe Biden.
He loves Joe Biden.
He loves Pete Buddha Giga.
Yeah, he pushed back on Elizabeth Warren.
He doesn't even, she's too left for him.
Even her.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, it's Joe Biden.
Wow.
How are you?
I'm fine, Mr. Vice President.
Thanks for asking.
Call me Joe.
How's everybody doing?
You know, Steph and Ron, the whole gang.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written by Ron Placone, Mark Van Landuit, Steph Zamorano, Jim Earl, Mike McRae, and Roger Rittenhouse.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
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