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Nov. 27, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:02:09
20191127_TJDS_20191127_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
Hey, it looks like Prince Andrew of the British royal family is in a spot of trouble.
Let's give him a call.
Hello?
Yes.
Is this Prince Andrew?
Yes, this is Prince Andrew.
Who may I ask is calling, please?
This is Jimmy Dore.
And who might you be?
I host a YouTube show about politics in the United States.
Oh, delightful.
I don't know what any of that means.
Therefore, I don't see any reason why I shouldn't talk to you.
How may I be of service?
Man from the election cylinder of oneself?
What?
Well, I wanted to see if I could get a comment from you about the closing of your royal office in Buckingham Palace.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, so it is.
But I have been more or less fired from the royal family.
Well, what does that mean exactly?
Well, mom's a bit cross with me, to say the least.
So the long and short of it is I've been stripped of my royal duties for the time being, at least.
And what are your royal duties exactly?
I don't really know.
I've never been able to quite put my finger on it.
It does seem to require a lot of standing in designated places and areas and looking at things as well.
And at nearly 60 years of age, I dare say I finally got the hang of it at the designated standing.
So it's a real rotten piece of eel pie that I'm suddenly offered to stand such.
Well, your recent BBC interview was an unmitigated disaster.
Oh, absolutely.
No, no argument from me on that front.
For the life of me, I can't imagine who let me do that.
Well, supposedly your own immediate family tried to talk you out of it, but you insisted on it.
Well, someone must have dropped the ball.
I'm certainly not responsible for the consequences of me following whatever foolish urge I may have at any given time.
I have people who tend to that.
Well, speaking of, you didn't really do a whole lot to distance yourself from Jeffrey Epstein in that interview.
Well, as I told that Kelly woman, I when I stayed with Jeffrey on those occasions, I never saw anything untoward or unseemly, let alone criminal.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Now, bear in mind, on most of those occasions, I was preoccupied nearly the entire time by receiving flatia from teenaged women.
So, dramatic, I was very distracted.
But if anything sinister had been going on, I would have noticed eventually.
I'm sorry, what?
I mean, I can tell you with absolute certainty.
Prince Andrew!
And with absolute certainty that I never saw a uniform or anything else that would imply Jeffrey was a trafficker.
Look, I really want to go back to...
That uniform the traffickers wear, or blue and so on.
Human traffickers don't wear a uniform, Prince Andrew.
But they most certainly do when they're standing in the street and waving lorries about.
You mean street cops?
Well, if that's what they're called in the States, fire.
That's not what human trafficking is.
You're thinking of directing traffic.
Prince Andrew, Jeffrey Epstein, was in trouble for procuring underage girls for the purpose of providing them sexually against their will to his wealthy clients.
Oh, Prince Andrew?
Yes.
Hello.
So, that's what this is all about.
Yes.
And his clients would be in trouble, too.
Oh, dear.
Yes.
Well, that would certainly explain why the Clintons had him murdered.
What?
Excuse me?
Oh, my...
Probably shouldn't have let that last one slip.
Oh, well, too late.
I thought that was a bit of an overreaction on their part to just brutally murder a chap for waving lorries about.
And maybe this isn't what you should talk about in your next interview.
By no chance, my friend.
I'm not falling for that again.
The world will simply never get to find out what really happened to Jeffrey Epstein, that the Clintons had him murdered in his jail cell.
Or that Hillary demanded a photo be taken of his dying face so that she could have it commissioned to be turned into a wall-sized oil painting.
Prince Andrew, I can't.
Quite honestly, I really owe them a debt of gratitude now that I'm putting all this together finally.
I wonder whether mom will let me back into our joint checking account so I can send them some nice pomegranates or something.
Anyway, I'll be fine.
Cheerio.
Establishment media sets of artists fighting so good luck the bullshit we can't afford.
Watch and see as a jackdog comedian speeds and jumps the medium and hits him hit on.
It's the Chimito Show.
*music*
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
We'll see you in Portland, Oregon at January 11th and 12th in Portland, Oregon.
A live Jimmy Dore show.
Plus, we're going all over the country.
We'll be in Honolulu, December 27th.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for the tickets to all our live shows.
Hey, I don't know if you guys saw the debate.
Did you see the last debate?
So here's my expert analysis that started off with Rachel Maddow needling Joe Biden by saying, Mr. Vice President, would you support more stuff that would shoot my ratings back up to where they were last year?
You know, and after spending her career enriching the prison industry, Kamala Harris announced she never worked for a special interest.
Then she creeped out the audience with her Joker laugh.
Hey, did you see Pete Buddha Gigi says he wants to send SEAL Team 6 into Mexico to give Pancho Villa?
Liz Warren says she wasn't there to, quote, drive anti-abortionists from the Democratic Party, end quote, because she's just a player in the game on this one.
Am I right, folks?
She's a player.
Joe Biden said he wanted to, quote, keep punching at violence against women.
He literally said that.
Yeah, he's the frontrunner.
Bernie Sanders tried to divide us by raising his voice against human extinction.
After the debate, did you know Brian Williams recounted his brush with death as a passenger on the Titanic?
He did that.
Meanwhile, 25 Democratic senators just fast-tracked more of Trump's judges.
That's right.
25 Democratic senators, including Dianne Feinstein, Tim Kaine, and moderate Steve Manchin, just gave the man they say is a corrupt tool of Russia the 11th Circuit Court.
Resist.
Michael Bloomberg just entered the Democratic primary.
Hey, I'm kind of tired of billionaire oligarchs interfering with our democracy.
Shouldn't Congress hold hearings on this guy joining the race?
I mean, for those of you not familiar with Michael Bloomberg's Democratic record, he's a Republican.
Did you hear richest person in the world, Jeff Bezos, just donated $98 million to shelter the homeless?
For you cynics out there, that's a lot of Amazon boxes.
So what's coming up on today's show?
Well, the impeachment hearings.
Mainstream news keeps saying it's a bombshell, another impeachment bombshell that fails to explode.
We'll take a look at the unexploded impeachment bombshells on today's show.
Plus, Tulsi exposes Pete Budegig's warmongering, and he can only respond with tired smears.
Plus, Michael Moore sadly joins MSNBC's red baiting panel filled with serial liars to smear a principled stance against the Syrian war.
Sad day for Michael Moore.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Prince Andrew, Rick Perry, Barack Obama, and our Thanksgiving messages, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Dorse show.
I have my Bobby Brady shirt on.
What do you think?
You sure do.
Hi, Bobby.
Hi.
But it's got the nice cuffs.
So we're talking about the debates now.
I watched the whole debate.
Steph, did you watch the whole debate?
I sure did, Jimmy.
So I stayed awake.
It was tough for me because I was, anyway, I was smoking pot to get through it.
It was tough to get through this debate.
It was boring again.
The problem is they have four people asking questions that don't know how to ask a question.
Every question was dumber than the first.
Hey, what would be the first thing you would say to Vladimir Putin if you...
What is this?
High school?
Are you guys running for prom king?
Anyway, it was horrible.
And MSNBC is horrible.
They're horrible.
They are an arm of the security state.
They are riddled with fucking CIA talking heads.
Go ahead.
You mean you didn't enjoy that every moderator's first question went to Elizabeth Warren?
Oh, my God.
Anyway, so let's, yes.
So let's get to this part.
So the part I want to talk about here is Tulsi Gabbard goes after the frontrunner in Iowa, Pete Butigiki.
And other people should have gone after him.
They didn't.
Kamala Harris completely let him off the hook.
He just got caught manufacturing black support.
He just got caught doing that.
And then he doubled down on it when he got caught.
And nobody took a shot at him for it.
So the only person with enough balls to go after him, of course, is Tulsi Gabbard, whose whole career now is taking the piss out of the establishment.
And there's no bigger neoliberal establishment tool than Pete Buttigig, and she went right at him.
And here it is.
I want to get back to Pete Buttigieg and his comment about experience.
Pete, you'll agree that the service that we both have provided to our country as veterans by itself does not qualify us to serve as commander-in-chief.
I think the most recent example of your inexperience in national security and foreign policy came from your recent careless statement about how you as president be willing to send our troops to Mexico to fight the cartels.
As commander-in-chief, leader of our armed forces, I bring extensive experience serving for seven years in Congress on the Foreign Affairs Committee, on the Armed Services Committee, on the Homeland Security Committee, meeting with leaders of countries around the world,
working with military commanders of different commands, dealing with high-level national security briefings, understanding what's necessary, the preparation that I've gotten to walk in on day one to serve as commander-in-chief.
Thank you, Mr. Mayer.
I'll allow you to respond.
I know.
So she went after him for casually saying that we would absolutely send troops.
That's what he said.
I'll show you the quote in a second.
But he did say that.
And by the way, so when she did that, that was good because she's showing the recklessness of guys like Pete Buttigig, who are tools of the military-industrial complex.
And he's willing to send troops anywhere, even Mexico to fight drug wars.
That was the point of that.
And it was right on.
And guys like Secular Talk, he was all over it.
Tulsi calls out Pete for casually saying he might send U.S. troops to Mexico for the drug war.
Take him down.
Bam, bam.
Now here's his response.
I know that it's par for the course in Washington to take remarks out of context, but that is outlandish, even by the standards of today's politics.
Are you saying that you didn't say that?
I was talking about U.S.-Mexico cooperation.
We've been doing security cooperation with Mexico for years with law enforcement cooperation and a military relationship that could continue to be developed with training relationships, for example.
Do you seriously think anybody on this stage is proposing invading Mexico?
So now, look, first of all, look how pinched his upper.
Like, he's really angry that she did this.
And so he comes back with something that he knows, again, he's, this is a good tactic.
You can get away with it.
He got away with this.
He says, do you really think, well, here's what he says.
Stop talking about that.
He says, do you really think anybody is seriously considering invading Mexico up on this stage?
Which gets a laugh from the crowd.
Right, you're going to invade Mexico, right?
Seems silly.
That's not what she said.
She said you would be willing to send American troops to Mexico to fight drug cartels.
She didn't say you were going to invade.
That's not what she said.
So he switched it disingenuously.
And she calls him out.
she says alliances and if your question is about experience let's all That's not.
So that isn't what she saw.
He totally gaslights everybody by saying that she said something else.
She didn't say that.
And then he goes back to the tired old smear.
They can never attack or fight Tulsi on her policy.
They always got to go for the smear.
And here it comes.
So talk about judgment.
One of the foreign leaders you mentioned meeting was Bashar Alassa.
I have, in my experience, such as it is, whether you think it counts or not, since it wasn't accumulated in Washington, enough judgment that I would not have sat down with a murderous dictator like that.
Thank you.
You were asked directly whether you would send our troops to Mexico to fight cartels, your answer was yes.
The fact checkers can check this out.
But your point about judgment is absolutely correct.
Our commander-in-chief does need to have good judgment.
And what you've just pointed out is that you would lack the courage to meet with both adversaries and friends to ensure the peace and national security of our nation.
I take the example of those leaders who that was a great response.
And believe me, he's not liking this.
When she said, what you just revealed is that you lack the courage necessary to be the commander-in-chief, which requires meeting with our adversaries.
She's right about it a thousand percent.
They did the same thing that when John McCain ran against Barack Obama, he said I would meet with anybody anywhere if it meant securing peace of the United States.
And John McCain hammered him on that.
You would meet with Ahmedinejad, the guy who said he wants to wipe Israel off.
That's what they would do to Barack Obama.
And Barack Obama was like, I would meet with anybody.
And so that's what the, and that's all they got.
That's all they got.
And I think people are seeing through it.
So here, let's see what.
So can I just add that as soon as she said the fact checkers, check?
Yeah.
I did immediately.
And he did say that, but we're going to get to it.
Great.
Yeah.
Come before us.
Leaders like JFK who met with Khrushchev.
Like Roosevelt, who met with Stalin.
Like Reagan.
And so he said, again, now that's another cheap shot.
What would you want Donald Trump to do?
Not meet with Kim in North Korea?
Would you rather he just be bellicose and threaten nuclear war?
Be a saber rattler?
And not care about South America, excuse me, South Korea?
Right?
Because South Korea also is invested in this.
That's right.
Like Reagan, who met and worked with Gorbachev.
These issues of national security are incredibly important.
I will meet with and do what is necessary to make sure that no more of our brothers and sisters in uniform are needlessly sent into harm's way fighting regime change wars that undermine our national security.
I'll bring real leadership and experience to the White House.
That was very good.
She did a really good job there.
And all Pete Butigig had was a smear.
That's all he had was a lazy, cheap smear.
That's all he had.
And then later on in the night, Kamala Harris did the same thing.
Like, when you guys use the exact same talking points, don't you think people see through them?
Here's what, and I go back to secular talk.
He goes, Mayor Pete attacks Tulsi for meeting Assad.
Real bold, fresh, new line of attack.
And what I say, Tulsi takes a swing at Budagig over sending troops to Mexico.
He exposes himself by responding with cheap shots.
That's not a leader.
That's a corporate coward.
That's what that was.
Do you see how he crumbled immediately when he was challenged in public?
Immediately over the one little thing, over one little thing.
And it's about his willingness to send military troops anywhere to do anything.
By the way, that got almost, what, 6,000-something likes?
That's a very successful tweet for me.
I don't say that to puff up my ego, but to tell you that a lot of people agree with that.
Also, Kyle Kalinsky's tweet had 3,000 when he criticized Budajig over this.
Over 3,000 likes.
So Glenn Greenwal caught this.
Barack Obama would say this, and he said this in a debate when asked, would you be willing to meet with anybody in the world without preconditions?
And Barack Obama said, I'd be willing to meet without precondition during the first year I'm in my administration in Washington or anywhere else with the leaders of Iran, Syria, Venezuela, Cuba, or North Korea to bridge the gap that divides our countries.
So Pete Buttiges is, I guess he's also critical of Barack Obama for saying he would meet with all those people that Tulsi also advocates for.
Okay, so now let's get so here is Pete Budiges' communications director.
He decided to, they're trying to pretend like Tulsi was mischaracterizing what he said.
She wasn't.
So he tweets this out.
Since Tulsi asked for a fact check, yes, Pete was talking about U.S.-Mexico security assistance, always happy to tweet a transcript.
So he tweets the transcript.
This is the transcript of him being asked, would you be willing, like Trump, to send our troops to Mexico to fight drug cartels?
This is the trick.
Do you see all this is the question?
Here's the question.
Mr. Mayor, after a number of Americans were murdered in northern Mexico, President Trump suggested sending U.S. troops to Mexico to deal with the cartels.
With your military experience, is there a way to deal with the cartels that doesn't violate Mexico's sovereignty?
He says all of this stuff.
He says all of this, which is Mayor Pete being vague, like he always is, but sounding super smart.
So vague that after he says all of this, the moderator asks the question again and says, but mayor, specifically, do you see a time when troops can go into Mexico if Mexico welcomed it, for instance?
She has to ask the question again because he obfuscated.
That's his answer.
So then he does answer.
And here's the bottom.
The last sentence in this is, but we could absolutely, absolutely be in some partnership role if and only if it is welcomed by our partner south of the so if Mexico wants us to come in and fight drug cartels of Mexico he says absolutely we could do that absolutely he said that that's his answer that's what it says that's the word right there it's too small but I'm showing you to you and
here's the and here's the video should I bore you with the video it's two minutes long after a number of Americans were murdered in northern Mexico President Trump suggested sending U.S. troops to help Mexico deal with the cartels with your military experience is there a way to deal with the cartels that doesn't violate Mexico's sovereignty so here's my question to show how reckless Trump is and all this stuff and I'm not reckless but I will do the exact same thing Trump is saying okay here we go alienating those
very countries that we need to have a partnership remember it is in the interest of both the United States and Mexico for Mexico to prosper with greater economic success and security than they have right now so if it is in the context of a security partnership then I would welcome ways to make sure that America is doing what we can to ensure that Our neighbor to the south is secure.
So he said he would welcome ways.
He would welcome ways to figure out how we could do a military partnership with Mexico.
He just said we'd welcome it.
But doing it in a way that calls into question Mexican sovereignty completely misses how we got here.
And by the way, a lot of this is a question of the demand side.
He just keeps going.
He just keeps talking.
Is make drug trafficking less profitable by walking away from failed war on drugs here in the United States.
That is a policy that we know through experience hasn't worked.
We do our part here at home.
Okay, so here she goes.
He has to ask it again.
But Mayor, specifically, do you see a time when troops could go into Mexico if Mexico welcomed it, for instance?
There is a scenario where we could have security cooperation as we do with countries around the world.
So that's a yes.
I would only order American troops to conflict if there were no other choice, if American lives were on the line, and if this were necessary in order for us to uphold our treaty obligations.
But we could absolutely be in some kind of partnership role if and only if it is welcomed by our partners south of the border.
We could absolutely be in a military partnership with our friends south of the border if it's welcomed.
So yeah, so if the president of Mexico, just like, so he's basically saying, I agree with Trump.
We should send our military into Mexico to fight drug cartels if the president of Mexico asks us.
That's what he just said.
Tulsi was 1,000% right.
He's a bullshitter and his communications director is an idiot for tweeting that out.
NBC News, look what they did.
So they were doing this to Bernie before.
So when Bernie would say something great, they would quote it and attribute it to Elizabeth Warren.
So now Tulsi totally nails him.
This is the quote they tweet out.
NBC News tweets this out.
Remember, NBC News, there couldn't be a news organization more in the bed with the CIA than NBC, probably Washington Post.
They say, what you've just pointed out, this is the quote.
The quote is, what you've just pointed out is that you would lack the courage to meet with both adversaries and friends to ensure the peace and national security of our nation.
End quote.
And who do they attribute it to?
They say Mayor Budigig slams Representative Gabbard during debate, and that's the quote.
No, it was the exact opposite.
Are they that incompetent?
No, they're not.
No, they're not that incompetent.
That's not an accident.
They were doing how, was it an accident when they did it to Bernie with Elizabeth Ward?
It's weird how it only, all the accidents only go one way.
Here's secular talk.
Remember the last debate when multiple outlets reported that some of Bernie's best lines were Warrens?
Well, now we have Mayor Pete getting credit for Tulsi's line against him.
Kind of awesome.
So there you go.
So she was 100% right about that.
Mayor Pete totally was wrong on that.
He used cheap shots as a comeback.
That's all it was, cheap shots.
And why I know it's a cheap shot?
Because Barack Obama said I'd meet with everybody.
That's all she, that's all he's got.
So the debate was horrible as usual.
Bernie got a lot of donations, like 50,000 new donations from it.
So, you know, my critique would have been Bernie needed to be stronger.
But, you know, again, I, you know, I think it's just that I want him to be stronger.
You know what I mean?
Like, I, because apparently what he did worked for him.
We'll see.
We'll see what the polling says.
He's still, you know, he should be wiping the floor with these people.
Why doesn't Bernie say that Pete Budegig is bought and paid for?
Why doesn't he point out that he's the darling of Wall Street?
He's the new.
Oh, because he would have to say he's the new Barack Obama.
I don't understand why he won't do it.
Pete Budegigg is a corporate candidate.
Joe Biden is a corporate candidate.
If you want to know what Pfizer wants, the kind of healthcare Pfizer wants, go with Joe Biden.
Go with Pete Budegig.
That's what he's supposed to say.
He won't say it.
I hope it isn't a mistake.
I really do.
I really hope he's not making a mistake.
Apparently it's working for him because he got 50,000.
So, you know, anyway, you know me, I'm emotional, right?
So Bernie said this.
He pivoted to talk about Palestine.
And this made a big splash.
Let's listen.
Because of your conflicts.
And by the way, the same thing goes with Israel and the Palestinians.
It is no longer good enough for us simply to be pro-Israel.
I am pro-Israel.
But we must treat the Palestinian people as well with the respect and dignity that they deserve.
What is going on in Ghats right now?
The youth unemployment of 70 or 80% is unsustainable.
So we need to be rethinking who our allies are around the world, work with the United Nations and not continue to support brutal dictatorships.
Now, that was, first of all, that was super smart of him to do tactically because he gets to Tulsi's left on that, right?
Because Tulsi's been outlefting him all over the place on foreign policy.
And now he got to her left on that and he got to her left on Bolivia.
So that's super smart tactically.
So you know how I've been ripping Bernie for having bad strategy?
That's super good strategy.
So there you go.
So, you know, they've been listening.
And I give this advice for free.
They don't even, I'm really.
That's really nice of you.
This is for free.
I guess this is my contribution to the cause.
Oh, yeah.
So the bigger story was that that was a story.
What was a story?
The fact that he said Palestinians are human beings and deserve respect and dignity.
You want to know how I know it was a big deal?
Here's a tweet from here's NPR.
Bernie Sanders says Palestinians should be treated with respect and dignity.
That's a headline.
Like should like that he has first he has to say that.
And B, that he says that it makes news that you have to treat people with respect and dignity.
That's a headline.
That's how bad we've been treating the Palestinians.
That's what a stranglehold that the APEC lobby and the Israeli lobby has on our politicians.
That they won't even say that.
And that when one of them does say that, it makes news.
What does it say underneath that?
Senator Sanders received applause for mentioning the Palestinians after answering a question about holding U.S. allies like Saudi Arabia accountable.
So super good on Bernie for doing that.
Super good on him for doing that.
That's why people, that's why I love Bernie.
And also super smart of him tactically not to really mince words at all.
The only thing he said was, I'm pro-Israel.
that's fine saying that.
I, I, you know, And he got to the left.
He's to the left of everybody.
He's getting to everybody's left on foreign policy.
The only person he has to worry about is Tulsi.
And this is great that he did that.
So there you go.
What do you say, Steph?
Well, I thought it was, you know, of course, it was a highlight of this long debate.
And I know the debate was only two hours contrasted to three previously.
But when he said that, it was invigorating.
It was inspiring.
And yes, of course, it is shocking that it makes a headline for him to say that we need to treat people with respect and dignity.
to me, that's shocking.
And like the people at the NPR go don't go, wow, that's wild that that's his headline.
No.
So that's how bad things are for the Palestinians, that just saying you should treat them with respect and dignity, A, is risky.
It's rare, and it makes a headline.
That's how that's, if you want to know how bad Israel and the world and the United States are treating Palestinians, that's how you can tell.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show: you become a premium member.
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Thanks for your support.
So I always love this time of year because we get all our favorite personalities who call into the show calling to leave us their Thanksgiving thankfulness stuff on my machine.
Hey, Jimmy, it's Barack Obama.
I see my Thanksgiving role of providing guardrails to keep your holiday from getting too divisive.
And to unite your guests into a placid acceptance when it becomes clear they're being served a big plate of dog shit.
This is Kevin Spacey.
What am I thankful for?
I don't care.
That's what I'm thankful for.
You don't like it.
I don't care.
Don't like me.
I don't care.
Hate me.
Keep the Benjamins coming, baby.
I don't care.
Do I like Thanksgiving?
I can taste it.
Hey, this is Chris Christie.
You think you're thankful?
You ain't thankful for shit.
I'm the one who's thankful.
I shot.
You thankful to receive this bountiful harvest of foods.
You ain't got no bountiful harvest, you big shot loudmouth.
And I'll tell you why.
Because I got the bountiful harvest.
Shit out.
Shut up.
And bless these Grande Supreme deluxe nachos and the super glue cementing them to my sweaty palms.
I apologize for nothing.
Hello?
Jeb Bush.
Anybody doing anything for the holidays?
Not just Thanksgiving.
I'm talking like every holiday, Groundhog Day, stuff like that.
Hello?
Well, somebody at least answered.
Jimmy, I want you to listen very closely.
Oh, Liam Neeson.
The contents of your stomach are going to be taken by a debilitating parasite spread through unsanitary working conditions in Salinas, California.
You will experience vomiting and diarrhea for two days.
Stay calm and drink plenty of fluids.
Go see my new film, Ice Road, about a truck driver who drives on a road of ice on an impossible mission to save trap miners in the ice.
Ice Road, it's a road of ice.
It's just ice, and he drives on it.
Oh, God, what happened to my career?
Jeb Bush again.
I remember one Thanksgiving.
Dad invited Bill Frist over and had tried to resuscitate the turkey.
Everybody's like, Bill, the turkey's dead.
Good times.
Oh, Harrison Ford called next.
Hey.
What?
What is it?
Stop hounding me.
Get the hell off my Thanksgiving table.
Jeb Bush again.
You know what embarrassing Thanksgiving at our house was when someone didn't make a racist comment.
Oh, look, Bill O'Reilly left me a message.
Jimmy Door, Bill O'Reilly here with my Thanksgiving tip of the day.
I drink too much and I hate all women.
Oh, Sean Connery.
I haven't heard from him in such a long time.
Any bastard with the bulbs to serve me cranberry sauce will get the ass handed to them on a goddamn platter.
Do you hear me?
I've been screwed more times than a hooker.
Take that to the bank and suck on it.
So I don't know if you're watching the impeachment hearings.
I watched some of it last week.
This week, it's hard.
It's hard to follow, meaning that it's just so stupid.
So last week, their big star witness was this guy, Ambassador Taylor.
And he said that he had overheard a guy who said he overheard a phone call.
And that guy he said he overheard was this guy, Ambassador Sondland.
And Sondland said that he overheard Trump doing this quid pro quo thing.
And so they asked Taylor, so because this guy, well, how does I was fine?
You don't even need to know.
Watch this.
Made to his testimony that we got a couple weeks ago.
It says, declaration of Ambassador Gordon Sondlin.
I, Gordon Sondland, do hereby swear and affirm as follows.
I want you to look at point number two, bullet point number two, second sentence.
So Sonlin is the guy Taylor says he knows who overheard the conversation.
And that's why Sondlin told the committee that he was sure that the military aid to Ukraine wouldn't be released by Trump until Ukraine launched an investigation into Biden and Barisma and made a public announcement about it.
That never happened, yet they got the aid anyway.
So he's going to say, how do you know that you made this assertion that they wouldn't let go of the aid until Ukraine did all this stuff?
But Ukraine didn't do any of that stuff and they still let go of the aid to them, the military aid.
So what made you so sure that there was a quid pro quo, actually when there wasn't?
And Taylor said, well, this guy Sundland told me he overheard a conversation.
So Sonlund, this is last week.
He clarified his testimony what he meant.
Ready?
Here we go.
Ambassador Taylor recalls that Mr. Morrison told Ambassador Taylor that I told Mr. Morrison that I conveyed this message to Mr. Yarmack on September 1st, 2019 in connection with Vice President Pence's visit to Warsaw and a meeting with President Zelensky.
This is his clarification.
Let me read it one more time.
Ambassador Taylor recalls that Mr. Morrison told Ambassador Taylor that I told Mr. Morrison that I conveyed this message to Mr. Yarmok on September 1st, 2019 in connection with Vice President Pence's visit to Warsaw and a meeting with President Zelensky.
We got six people having four conversations in one sentence and you just told me this is where you got your clear understanding.
Which I mean, even though you had three opportunities with President Zelensky for him to tell you, you know what?
We're going to do these investigations to get the aid.
Didn't tell you three different times.
Never makes an announcement, never tweets about it, never does it see an interview.
Ambassador, you weren't on the call, were you?
You didn't listen on President Trump's call and President Linsky's call?
I did not.
You've never talked with Chief of Staff Mulvaney?
I never did.
You never met the president?
That's correct.
He had three meetings again with Zelensky and it didn't come up.
And two of those they had never heard about, as far as I know.
And President.
President Zelensky never made an announcement.
This is what I can't believe.
And you're their star witness.
You're there.
Even he knows it's a joke.
So that was last week.
So this week moved to this week.
Sonlin, that guy who he said he overheard, he testified.
And here's the headline in the Huffington Post.
Sonlin, bombshell.
Walls are closing in.
Walls are closing in.
This is the beginning of the end.
Bombshell.
We followed the president.
Bombshell.
We followed the president's orders, meaning we were doing a quid pro quo, which is an impeachable offense, according to them, that Trump was withholding military aid to Ukraine until they did a personal favor for him.
I just want to let you know that these are the headlines in the Huffington Post.
Bombshell.
But in the real world, this is what's happening.
Poll, independence, lead sharp swing in opposition to Trump impeachment.
And as Kyle Kalinsky says, so you mean Ambassador Grigginsflorp explaining what he heard under Secretary Schmaganin's friends?
Heard isn't the bombshell we were.
He's making fun of the whole thing.
And so when the Huffington Post says this is a bombshell bombshell, he says we were only following the president's orders.
The problem with that is he was interpreting what the president said.
The president never told him anything, Sonland.
In fact, as Michael Tracy points out, no one told me directly that the aid was tied to anything.
I was presuming it was.
This is their bombshell.
A guy who says I was presuming it was.
So I'm not kidding.
If you turn on the media, you turn on CNN or MSNBC or the Washington Post or Huffington Post.
This is it, Sundland.
Man, everybody on Twitter, man.
Oh, man.
It's like, again, it's the same thing with Russia Gate.
They got him.
Walls are closing in.
They got him.
And we knew they didn't.
And here's what he actually said.
Here's what Sundland actually said.
No one told me directly that aid was tied to anything.
I was presuming it was, Sonlin says.
And then Michael Tracy says, well, maybe the aid was in fact tied to something, but this testimony doesn't provide any direct evidence for that presumption.
And he goes on to say, Sondlin says he's presuming that Ukraine military aid was conditioned on the announcement of the 2016 Barisma investigation.
A presumption is a tad different than direct evidence.
This is, again, but you see how they're look how they reported.
Bombshell, they got him.
So here's what's actually happening.
This is, again, helping Trump.
This is going to help Trump.
This is, I don't know if you want to go back on YouTube, you can look up videos of talk shows when they were impeaching Bill Clinton and every lefty Democrat or Democratic sympathizer or Democratic voter defended Bill Clinton, even though they knew what he did was wrong.
Bill Clinton lied under oath.
It was plain to see he did it.
He had sex with an intern in the Oval Office, lied about it under oath.
Everybody could see it.
It's on videotape.
They'd all said doesn't matter if he did that.
We knew how flawed Bill Clinton was when we elected him.
You know who said that?
Michael Moore.
People don't care.
And so now when the right wing says that we don't care about this call to Ukraine, everybody's like, oh my God, the Republican Party just there no longer.
The Republican Party ended today.
They don't care about the rule of law.
So go, I encourage you to go on YouTube and look up.
We're all saying that.
Everybody.
We knew what was wrong with Bill Clinton.
We elected him twice.
We don't care about this.
This doesn't matter.
Battle Ka Lewinsky came to Washington, D.C. with her own knee pads.
Like they were trying to entrap the president, an intern is going to entrap the most powerful man in the world.
So there you go.
That's what's happening with the impeachment.
I'm not watching it.
I'm not going to spend all day watching this garbage.
And that's what this is.
This is garbage.
This is the Democratic Party doing anything and everything to distract from the fact that they are working against you because they are working against you.
Wow, Rick Perry's calling me.
I hope he's not confused about something.
Hello.
Hello, Alexa.
Is this God?
Hi, Rick.
No, this is Jimmy Doer.
For you see, and however, you could be his chosen one.
It's like I once told Presidente Donald Trump, God has choosed imperfect people all throughout history.
King David weren't perfect.
Saul weren't perfect.
King Solomon weren't perfect, but he did give people jobs in the mind, which was important for the Syro-Hittite economy.
And that is why Jesus picked Donald Trump to lead our country into the next ice age.
You really told Trump that God chose him to be president.
Not only that, I gave the president a one-pager on the biblical glue kings of yesterlord.
I teached him all about Mattis, king of being touched, about Burker King, and King Kong, who was a funny monkey with anger problems.
All these great kings were imperfected, but accomplished great things.
You just said that to butter him up.
Whoa, little fellow.
Just because I horsted you upon your own Sean Luke Picard, because when Barack Saddam Hussein Obama was elected our first colored president, I also said he was sent by God, remember?
And for what purpose, Rick?
To scare white people hastening Jesus' apocapulco lips by the burning of forests and such.
Otherwise, when Jesus comes to earth to kill everybody, he'll see our black president get real mad and kill everybody.
What difference does it make if he's going to kill everybody anyway?
Read your liturgicals.
There's getting killed by Jesus and then there's getting killed by Jesus.
When Jesus murders you, you're blessed as a victim of his love.
However, if he murders you because he's mad at something, then you go to prison where you get paid 40 cents an hour to fight fires in California.
It's complicated.
How do you know whether Jesus is going to kill you or murder you?
You cannot predict it.
Because when Jesus murders you, he usually does it while you're sleeping or during the Super Bowl.
He hates confrontations.
When he accused you, it's usually done on a vacation cruiser and a time share.
I also believe Trump was sent by Jesus to help save the Jewish people.
From what?
Save them from what?
I don't know.
Demons and garden gnomes.
And Bernie Sanders.
Jesus is going to save the Jewish people from a Jew.
I know.
It's all very mysterious.
Didn't Jesus save the Jews when he committed suicide in the barn in Chicago?
No way.
That was my uncle.
Well, don't you think if God wanted to protect somebody, he'd just do it himself.
Oh, God's always hired day laborers and such.
He's a great organizer.
For instance, Jesus hired a location manager for all his events.
The script originally called for him to be crucified at the mall, but he couldn't get the permits.
Sarah Huckabee told me that.
You know that this kind of stuff just makes Trump's base sound like a cult, don't you?
That's exactly what they said about Jesus when he told them he was sent by himself to become president of Jew Australia or whatnot.
God knows Trump is not a perfect man, which is okay.
Because if Trump was perfect, God would get jealous and start dating other men.
Stole the Bible.
Or is it the Koran?
No way, it's the Bible.
I don't know.
Whoops.
So after the debate, the last debate, I was watching MSNBC because often what happens after the debate is way more horrible than anything that happens during the debate.
And I was not let down.
So I was watching MSNBC, and this is Joy Reid.
Now, if you know anything about Joy Reed, she's a serial liar.
She used to say over and at the top inflammatory stuff about gays and about Hillary Clinton, even.
And then she got hired by MSNBC and she turned everything.
That's all her, oh, I don't think like that anymore.
So anyway, she is, you know, she's been super discredited.
She said that she lied, she got caught lying, but that said that people broke into her blogs.
Anyway.
So, of course, she's welcomed on MSNBC to sit right next to Brian Williams, another serial liar, because why?
Because they're willing to do whatever the establishment wants.
They're not only guard dogs of the establishment, they're attack dogs of the establishment.
And here's what I mean.
They're going to attack Tulsi Gabbard because she has a principled stance on our war in Syria and our foreign regime change wars.
She has a principled stance as a veteran, a currently serving veteran, and as a congresswoman in the first, so here we go.
And this is what.
The challenge that Tulsi Gabbard is having is that you can feel that way about the Iraq war, as I definitely did, but also find it odd that the way she talks about regime change wars is exactly the same way that Russia talks about them.
She uses this.
I don't even know what that means, but Brian Williams seems to know because he agreed with her.
Brian Williams, who I don't know if you see when he starts his show, he sits in front of about 25 flags, American flags.
And here he is, McCarthy smearing, along with Joy Reed, a currently serving veteran and a congresswoman and the first woman of color.
I mean, the first Hindu ever elected to Congress.
But the establishment has said it's okay to do this, and so they're doing it.
And they're doing it at, you know, in a nuclear level.
And so this is now Brian Williams goes right along with it.
You heard him.
Sure.
Right.
He says, right.
And what does this even mean?
She views regime change wars the same way Russia does.
What does that mean?
She has a principled stance as a soldier against these wars.
About regime change wars exactly the same way that Russia talks about them.
She uses this language that feels straight out of kind of the Kremlin.
Sure.
Kind of the Kremlin.
What language?
She never says, what is the language that comes right out of the Kremlin?
She just says it.
What is that language?
What is her view?
They won't ever, again, they won't ever talk about her actual policy, but they'll do a caricature of her policy, but they won't actually talk about her policy.
Well, her policy of non-intervention.
You mean that policy?
Of not arming terrorists to overthrow other oil-rich nations?
You mean that policy?
No, they do a caricature of it.
Says, oh, it's like Russia.
Well, how?
What is it?
They'll never say.
And there's Brian Williams.
Sure.
Did you hear him watch?
Out of kind of the Kremlin.
Sure.
It is odd.
And that she went to see Bashar al-Assad and cannot take away from her interaction with him or her observation of him that he is a criminal who is not just hurting Randall.
They're acting like the big test is whether you think, first of all, she said Bashar al-Assad is a brutal dictator.
So that's just a bullshit talking point.
That's not true.
She's making that up.
And as if that's the issue.
Hey, how does she view?
What are the words Tulsi uses to describe Bashar al-Assad?
That's not the issue.
So the issue is that what she's really saying is we shouldn't be in Syria.
And they can't talk about that.
Why?
Because the military industrial complex, who funds them, doesn't want them to.
But this is how they're allowed to talk about it.
He's hurting his own people.
The fact that she couldn't call him a war criminal is stunning.
And I don't know if you notice.
So there's serial liar Joyan Reed, completely discredited.
This guy here is the guy who foisted Sarah Palin on the public, so you got to get him on the panel to comment on Tulsi Gabbard.
This is Claire McCaskill so beholden to the establishment that she wouldn't go against her donor.
She was willing to lose her Senate seat, then offer something to the voters.
There's Brian Williams, serial liar, stolen valor, which is one of the most disgusting things you could do.
He did it.
And here's Michael Moore.
Michael Moore, who I've been a big fan of forever.
Even when he sluts, shamed Monica Lewinsky.
I look the other way.
Remember that, Steph, when he slut-shamed Monica Lewinsky It doesn't matter what he did in office, you know.
That doesn't matter to how he can lead the country.
Do you remember what he said?
He said that Monica Lewinsky brought her knee pads to Washington.
Her presidential knee pads.
Her presidential knee pads.
So an intern was going to trap the president with a blowjob.
That's what he was saying.
Slut-shaming Monica Lewinsky.
And now he is sitting on a panel and they McCarthy smear Tulsi Gabbard, a current sitting veteran, serving veteran, a currently sitting congresswoman, first Hindu elected to the Congress.
And he goes right along with it.
His need to be liked by these pukes is so strong.
And that's what's wrong with progressives, right?
Like right there.
Like he's, oh, please like me.
Please invite me back on this panel.
Because I pointed out before, like when he does speeches and he talks about how bad the media is, he won't mention MSNBC, which is just, you know, a war.
It's just a war channel.
It's a Democratic Party channel.
It's an anti-progressive channel.
It's a right-wing channel.
This is a right-wing channel, MSNBC.
They fire you if you're left-wing.
They fired Phil Donahue for being against the Iraq war and smeared him.
Same thing with Jesse Ventura, Ashley Banfield.
They fired Ed Schultz just for covering Bernie Sanders.
And he so desperately wants to be the guy on this panel that he's willing to go along with the McCarthy smear of Tulsi Gabbard to do it, which I got to tell you, that doesn't say anything about Tulsi Gabbard, but it certainly says a lot about Michael Moore's character.
And he's a big Russia Gator, too, which, again, just shows you, come on, he's not dumber than me.
He knows what he's doing when he does it.
And he knows what he's doing right now when he sits on this panel and goes along with it.
Michael Moore's way smarter than me.
He's been around the block way more than me.
He's been involved with politics way more than me, way deeper.
He knows the insidiousness of what's happening right now with this Russia gate.
He knows the insidiousness of smearing a strong principled stance against the Syrian war, which is what Tulsi does, has a principled stance, and then she's smeared for it in the most undermanned.
He saw good night and good luck.
He knows what it's about.
All that's needed for evil to persist is for good men to do nothing.
And he did worse than nothing.
He piled on.
He piled on.
So shame on Michael Moore.
And the fact that me, a Jagoff nightclub comedian who smokes pot when he gets up in the morning and spent 25 years entertaining drunks at night has conceived right through you.
I'm supposed to be, I'm supposed to be the guy everyone's correcting.
I'm supposed to be the guy who's out of bounds, doesn't know right from wrong.
This is unbelievable.
This is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.
I've never seen that level of McCarthy smear.
Well, it gets worse.
Watch this.
Is also a weird, Kremlin-y view that she has of the world that makes her an odd fit.
She has a weird, Kremlin-y view of the world.
And Michael Moore sits there and doesn't say a goddamn thing.
So if they were sitting there saying that about, you know, whatever, Chelsea Manning, Julian Assange, would he stand up then?
What would he say then?
I don't know.
He has situational integrity, which is what this clip reveals.
That's what George Carlin would always talk about.
Need you to be consistent.
Need you to be consistent.
And here's Joy Reed being consistent that she's consistently horrible and a smear merchant and what Bill O'Reilly would call a gutter snipe.
That's here we, her and Brian Williams.
Who gets turned on by the beauty of bombs?
Let's remember who Brian Williams is.
He almost ejaculates in his pants over when we launch a missile strike on Syria.
How is he going to be able to climax if Tulsi Gabbard leads the country to ending wars?
So a Kremlin-y view of the world.
Again, all this just, and then it just sits there and no one.
And so if Michael Moore is going to sit there, not only does he not say something, he actually piled on.
How sad.
It makes me feel bad, right?
Because I want to have heroes.
I want to have people that are better than me.
I want people to be able to look up to who are better than me in politics.
You know, Jimmy, this clip reminds me of when we first started to produce stuff and we would like watch Sean Hannity.
And you would say, you know, the weird thing about Sean Hannity is he misleads his own audience.
Oh, my God, Steph.
That's a great point.
So what I would, so what Joy Reed and Mike and Brian Williams and Claire McCad, they're not lying to Republicans right now.
They're lying to people who are Democrats and progressives.
And that's who Michael Moore is misleading when he piles on that garbage about Tulsi and Syria.
Who is he misleading?
He's not lying to Fox News viewers.
He's not lying to Republicans.
He's not lying to the Russians.
They're gaslighting you, progressives.
And there's Michael Moore going right along with it.
Honest to God.
How you look yourself in the mirror after you sit there and let that happen.
Jesus Christ.
Instead of Michael Moore saying, what he's supposed to do there is supposed to say, have you no decency, sir?
Have you no decency at long last?
Have you no decency?
That's what he's supposed to say to Joy Reed and Brian Williams.
But he'll never say that because he doesn't want to risk not being invited on the panel at MSNBC.
And that's why that's the only, what reason?
You don't think he knows better?
He knows better.
And Michael Moore has situational integrity and he just revealed it.
And it's talk about sad.
He said Tulsi Gabbard, the way she handled Syria was very sad.
Very sad.
Yeah.
Talk about sad, Michael.
Wow.
Here is how you're supposed to handle something like that when it happens on a news show or anywhere else.
So this guy, I've showed this on a previous clip.
Andrew Feldman, Democratic strategist, does the old Tulsi smear.
And watch how he is resoundingly smacked down by a panel of progressive, a conservative.
They don't take this shit.
This is on the Hill as a show, The Rising.
Of the electorate that is engaging online.
We know from the viewers of this show that Tulsi, a lot of Tulsi Gabbard's support, a lot of Andrews Yang's support is within the online community.
So that's not surprising to see that.
At the same time, yes, Republicans want to support Tulsi Gabbard because she's going to be more favorable to Russia.
Come on, man.
Look, and I just want to be clear: these aren't the top line numbers.
No, correct.
This is on that time.
Which doesn't surprise me.
It does not surprise us.
It's not about Russia.
It's about the fact she's talking about anything.
Anti-war wars.
That's exactly what Trump ran on.
That's what America First is.
It's not surprising that that was a crossover appeal.
The message of fighting wars for 20.
Wait, do you actually think that that isn't a crossover?
So that's how you're supposed to treat somebody who says something ridiculous like that and does a McCarthy smear.
You're supposed to make him, you're supposed to embarrass him.
You're not supposed to congratulate them and go along.
Do you see how they're each taking their turn embarrassing him for saying something so ridiculous?
He doesn't stop.
I don't know, but I'm going to get out of Afghanistan.
Yes, correct.
And he's so embarrassed now, as he should be, that he has now assumed the posture of a jumbo shrimp and he can't even make eye contact with anybody on the panel.
And that's how you're supposed to treat a McCarthier, somebody who's spreading McCarthy smears, someone who's spreading McCarthyism.
That's how you're supposed to treat them.
That's how you do it.
That's how a grown-up with integrity handles a situation like that.
You mean you don't say, sure, sure.
Oh, this is a sad, very, very sad.
But the way Tulsi Gabbard wants to do that is putting our troops in harm's way.
When you look at her, when you look at her Syria plan, right, she's going to meet with Assad.
When you're looking at meeting with dictators, that's just as bad as Trump meeting with the Turkish president.
Let me ask you this.
Did you support the Iraq war or not?
No.
No.
So, me neither.
And if you don't support the Iraq war, what that means is that you believe Saddam Hussein, a brutal dictator who gassed his own people, should have remained in charge of that country.
That is my position.
That's Tulsi.
That doesn't mean that I would.
That's also her position in Syria.
And her view is, and look, you don't have to agree with a view, but the view is you've got three choices.
You can go to war, you can ignore, or you can engage diplomatically.
She believes in engaging diplomatically, even with people who are awful, murdering, brutal dictators.
So, look, you cannot think that that's the right approach.
I think it's complicated.
But you can't pretend that this isn't a principled view that she has consistently held in spite of the fact that she has been smeared by everyone.
So, that's how you're supposed to handle it.
So, that's a little tip.
There's a panel full of people half your age, Michael Moore, and they know how to handle someone who spews bullshit like that.
You don't join in.
Good night and good luck.
Hello.
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
I can't tell you how gratifying it is to see today's young politicians following my lead by taking strong, pragmatic, and rational action for hope and change.
Are you referring to Tulsi Gabbard when she said we should meet with our adversaries, including the leaders of Syria and North Korea?
Are you looking to get a drone up your ass?
Don't go there.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written, that's right, it was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Step Samurano, and Mark Van Landowick.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
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