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Nov. 21, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:42
20191121_TJDS_20191121_podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
It's Double V, bitch.
Ha!
Hey, friend of the show, Vince Vaughn.
How are you doing?
I'm doing fantastic, Jimmy Dore.
Thank you for asking.
Glad to hear it, Vince.
Hey, PopQuiz, do you know who else is also doing fantastic?
No, who?
Donald J. Trump, the 45th president of the United States of fucking America.
Is that so?
Yes.
In the face of this impeachment inquiry farce, it's a farce, Jimmy.
That's what it is.
It's called Spade of Spade.
This is all things a farce.
Where they're trying to tear down this lion, this beautiful, proud lion of a man, our leader.
But he continues to fly high, soaring like an eagle, like a goddamn eagle.
Wait, how many different animals is he?
That's funny.
Did you think of that yourself?
All of them.
He's all the cool animals combined.
Lion, eagle, grizzly bear, saber-toothed tiger, hammerhead shark, dragon, sugar glider, those frogs that get you high when you lick them.
Okay, we get it.
Springbok, all the cool animals.
All the animals.
And these bozos aren't going to take him down.
You mark my words, Jimmy Dore.
You don't think so?
Oh, hell no.
I mean, who do they have?
Adam Schiff?
That guy with the tiny neck who stole his name from Law and Order?
Give me a break.
That guy doesn't have the backbone to take down a Panera branch manager, let alone the most powerful man in the world.
Okay, I see.
And who do we have on our side?
Devin Nunes and Jim Jordan.
Whoa, back the fuck up, player.
Really?
Yes, Jimmy.
Let me ask you a question.
Okay.
Have you ever found it to be a good policy to fuck with a man named Devin?
I'm not sure I ever had an explicit policy with regards to that.
No.
Yeah, okay.
Well, let me tell you something, Running Bear.
It is not a good policy.
Not in the very least.
Okay, okay.
And my boy, Jim Jordan?
You can step to my boy?
My boy!
Jim Jordan can bench press a Volkswagen and he eats mastodon bone marrow for breakfast.
He's the toughest man there is, James.
And you're not going to let any of this bullshit slip through.
Not on his watch.
If he hears any one of these witnesses trying to implicate Trump in some phony baloney scheme, he's going to jump off that dish and crack their skull in for them.
I don't know if that's exactly how things work, Vince.
Yeah, well, it is now, Mrs. Butterworth.
Let me tell you how tough Jim Jordan is.
Okay, how tough is Jim Jordan?
When he was a wrestling coach at OSU, several students came to him and told him they were being sexually abused by the T Doctor.
And do you know what he did?
Absolutely nothing.
You're goddamn right he did nothing.
Because he wanted to teach those boys an important lesson, which is that whining and tattling don't get you anywhere in life.
That's the kind of leadership we have in Congress on our side, and that's why we're going to win.
So take that, dim.
I'm not a Democrat.
Okay, you know what?
How about you not do that thing where you don't just let me label you how I want to?
Enjoy voting for Joe Biden, who's going to lose in 2020 after Trump beats this nonsense.
Vince, it's like you don't even know me at all.
I know you better than you know your own self, Jimmy Door.
Establishment media sets of arts lighting.
So good luck.
Bullshit we can't afford.
Why is fomenting this?
Oh, oh, oh.
Watch and see as it's jacked off the medium speeds and jumps the medium and hits them head on.
It's the Chimitor Show.
Chimitor Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Hey, our next live Jimmy Dore show, December 27th in Honolulu.
January 11th and 12th are going to be in Portland, Oregon, February 9th in Tempe, Arizona, then Sacramento, San Jose, and Miami.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for all of our live shows coming to a town near you.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Hey, did you hear this week, this is true, the New York Times accused FedEx of failing to pay more than $1.5 billion in taxes.
That's true.
FedEx promised to deliver a speedy response to the paper, but after three attempts at the wrong address, they sent it back to the warehouse.
Did you hear Joe Biden?
Joe Biden, once again, he was speaking at a town hall in Las Vegas, and he said he won't legalize marijuana because it's, quote, a gateway drug.
He's trying to get all those votes of people who are casting their ballots in 1972.
Yes, that's right.
A researcher later discovered that he plagiarized his remarks about marijuana from the film Reefer Madness.
Elizabeth Warren has gotten a lot of criticism on her Medicare for Awful and Democratic leadership.
And after months of criticism from Democratic leaders, Elizabeth Warren offered a new approach to her Medicare for all plan.
It's a longer transition period called death.
Hey, and Elizabeth Warren went on a podcast run by former Obama staffers.
Yeah.
And on there, Elizabeth Warren said she supported the coup in Bolivia.
Uh-huh.
And the Trump-Bolton attempted coup in Venezuela, as well as the U.S. sanctions starving the population.
Elizabeth Warren, a proud capitalist to her bones, but mostly other people's bones.
Feeling left out, Hillary Clinton said she just announced she supports a coup in the United States.
Am I right?
Come on.
All right.
What's coming up on today's show?
We're going to talk about the media's horrible coverage of Bolivia.
Also, are we really guarding the Syrian oil in Syria for Syria?
Plus, Barack Obama once again wags his finger at activists and says to just join the establishment and shut up.
Plus, a lot lot more.
Oh, we got phone calls today.
We got phone calls from Vince Vaughn, Jeb Bush, Liam Neeson, and Mitt Romney, plus a lot, lot more.
That's today on The Jimmy Dore Show.
Thank you.
And we're live in Philadelphia!
Thank you!
Thank you!
You know, Trump said he was pulling out of Syria.
Not really.
He left their staying with the oil, of course.
So here, watch this.
How watch how CBS reports this?
Watch this.
Turkey's president is accusing the U.S. of not living up to its commitment to move Kurdish forces out of northern Syria, as President Trump had promised.
U.S. troops are still in that region where the recent arrival of Syrian troops backed by Russia is making the area more dangerous.
Isn't that something?
Oh, really?
So, yeah, if we send our military and then they send their military, it's going to get a little more dangerous.
Can you believe it?
Charlie Dagata has been covering this story extensively from the region.
He's following a U.S. military unit near oil fields in northeast Syria.
First of all, I love, they make it sound like a nice documentary.
It's like a fun documentary.
Hey, we're on the ground with the U.S. military here on this week's edition of Build an Empire.
Here's Oily the Oil Post.
I'm going to tell you about the benefits of protecting limited resources.
Here we go.
For most of this morning, we've been following around this U.S. military convoy as they've been visiting oil facilities.
They've been visiting oil facilities.
You know, like, you know, like when the cops do a drug raid, how they're visiting your apartment.
Jimmy, a little known fact about this reporter, he came in eighth place for the George Clooney lookalike.
That's true.
That's true.
I like, you know, and after he does, I like how he's dressed.
After this report, he's got to go sing a song at a Vegas lounge.
Wear something lavender.
Yeah.
Honey, I'm going to Syria.
Report on the oil shit.
Where's my lavender button down?
Oil fields in this region in northern Syria.
They were ordered to protect these oil fields by President Trump so they don't fall into the hands of ISIS.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
They're going to protect.
You know, you don't want the oil fields, you know.
I mean, if we're not there protecting them and overseas, the oil fields are going to fall on, you know, with the wrong crowd and they're going to start staying out late and doing drugs.
You got to keep your eye on the oil fields, right?
That's all I'm saying.
Their mission has changed over the past couple of weeks because only a few weeks ago that President Trump ordered U.S. troops to withdraw from this region.
And that essentially gave the green light for Turkey to invade and fight Syrian Kurdish forces here.
Hundreds of thousands of people had to evacuate that area.
Hundreds of people have been killed.
And there's a lot of criticism here now.
The President Trump's order for these troops to now secure oil fields suggests that the U.S. administration cares more about protecting oil fields than they do about protecting civilians.
I think this is the first time.
Sounds not right.
And the only reason he's allowed to say that is because they don't like how Trump pulled out of Syria.
That's the only reason he's allowed to say that.
Is it for the first time we care more about oil than we care about?
Can you fucking believe that?
Here we go.
Now, as far as the mission here is concerned, U.S. military officials say their primary operation has not changed, and that is the fight against ISIS.
This part, securing the oil fields, is simply part of that mission.
This is just part of the mission.
It's only the part that I give a shit about, but that's the part.
Amazon's back in the news, but I just want to give you a little refresher.
I know, right?
Give you a little refresher.
This is from 2016, this article.
It says, report Amazon stranglehold how the company's tightening grip on the economy is stifling competition, eroding jobs, and threatening communities.
Sounds bad, but on the other hand, you know, I can get a Chinese dildo in under two hours.
You know what I mean?
I mean, that's my kind of dim sum.
know what I'm saying?
So did you know that half of all U.S. households are subscribed to the membership of Amazon Prime?
Yeah, half of all online shopping searches start directly at Amazon.
Amazon captures nearly one in every $2 that America spends online.
Why?
It's kind of Amazon's increasingly controls the underlying infrastructure of our economy.
Amazon's increasing dominance comes with high costs.
It's eroding opportunity and fueling inequality, and it's concentrating power in ways that endanger competition, community life, and democracy.
I have a hard time seeing the company as anything less than a new wave of economic dislocation on par with the earlier collapse of manufacturing and small businesses that devastated so many regions of the country.
For instance, what kind of, so you know what they do, right?
So Amazon can actually operate at a loss, which is how they put borders out of business, right?
So they sold books at a loss for a while until they put borders out of business.
And then they did the same thing with Zappo's shoes.
They did the same thing with that diaper service.
They do it with everybody.
How can you compete with a company that doesn't have to make a profit?
You fucking can't do it, but Bezos has figured out this way to do it to operate at a loss.
For instance, here's some of the good jobs they get rid of.
UPS and the Postal Service must now compete with Amazon, which is developing alternative delivery methods.
The company's low-wage, precarious labor model threatens the jobs of nearly a million unionized middle-income workers at UPS and the U.S. Postal Service.
By the way, here it is.
Los Angeles Times, Amazon will open three more.
So it shuts down your store and gets rid of companies.
Now, oh, now we're going to be a bookstore.
There they are.
They're opening brick-and-mortar bookstores, right?
And by the way, this is from 2016.
Net loss of jobs since Amazon's opened.
148,000 net loss.
That's of 2015.
That's four years later.
It's got to be way more than that.
So they're not creating jobs.
They're creating shit jobs and getting rid of good jobs.
And there's even less shit jobs than there were the good jobs.
Okay.
And the company has gotten at least $613 million in tax subsidies since 2005 to fucking do this to us.
Isn't that something?
Yeah.
So by the way, then they bought Whole Foods, right?
And this is what they said at the time.
They bought Whole Foods, was it last year or two years ago?
And this is what they said at the time.
The grocery stocks are down on Friday, but they shouldn't be the only companies trembling.
Google, Apple, and even Uber are threatened by Amazon's growing hold over e-commerce, media, and same-day home delivery.
In short, Jeff Bezos wants to take over the world, and this is a very significant step in that direction.
Okay, so you see the world we're living in, all right?
Okay, this is happening.
And here's, he's now going to open grocery stores.
They got a new one.
Here it comes.
Amazon is betting big once again.
The tech giant just announced they're opening up their first physical grocery store.
And it's right here in SoCal.
The market will open up in Woodland Hills next year.
The store will be branded differently than Whole Foods, which Amazon bought for over $13 billion two years ago.
Yet they don't plan on competing with Whole Foods, you know, because organized duopolies give people a delusion there's a choice.
Anyway, anyway, back to you.
Now here's Bob with the scores.
Expected to be more mainstream while Whole Foods will remain more high-end.
Job openings at this market were recently posted online.
Yeah, so gee, Jeff Bezos, now he runs, he runs the food.
He's got to have all the food.
He runs distribution of everything.
He runs online commerce and he owns the newspaper.
All he needs to do to figure out a way to control our water supply and he could become fucking emperor.
That's all he needs.
This is what's that?
Okay, so I have to update that joke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
because my goddamn audience is a little too smart for a comedy club.
See, the beauty of doing...
And now I get actually Jimmy the cloud computing.
Point of order, Jim, because of cloud computing.
Ice is gonna melt!
Ice is gonna melt!
It's a different kind of heckle.
So here's what, and then here's what Dylan Radigan has to say about it.
know Dylan Radigan, right?
He told it.
He told the truth about the banks on MSNBC.
Now he has to do a news report from a lake.
Now we go to Dylan Radigan fresh on a fishing dock.
The real issue in America is the concentration of resources in an incredibly small number of hands, whether it's Google and Facebook, whether it's the two political parties in our political system, or whether it's what's happening with Amazon.
A beautiful vision, an incredible executive, an incredible executive, an incredible company.
Why does he got to do it?
You know why he's got to do that?
Because he's standing on Amazon Lake.
That's why he's in.
But a disastrous effect on our society as we're seeing the complete concentration of power and as a result, the destruction of the ability for a truly competitive capitalist environment.
So while it is impressive to see, and I have incredible respect for Jeff Bezos and what he has done, it is a total abdication of the authority of the antitrust commissions in this country to allow this level of consolidation of power to continue and it's reflected not only in our politics, but as we saw with the Amazon deal in our business.
So we're living in the gilded age.
We're supposed to have a Teddy Roosevelt come along and break it up, but instead we get the first black president to come by and say, quit fucking bitching.
You can't do big things.
Fuck, accept the system.
Shut the fuck up.
That's what's happening right now.
We're going to get to that later.
You know, Jimmy, I know this isn't very PC, but am I the only one in the room that wants to burn Amazon to the ground?
Thank you.
That's such a bad metaphor.
Because the Amazon is.
You know, I wonder, so now that Jeff Bezos owns all the food stores, whatever, I wonder if he'll do what Trader Joe's does and they try to name everything after themselves, right?
Like, enjoy these Amazon apples.
Today's special is Bezos Beignets with some of Jeff's jelly.
Oh, so Barack Obama's doing it again.
I know.
I got to get this.
What a disappointment.
Barack Obama.
So did you see this?
Obama urges Democrats to avoid embracing policies that are too far left.
I mean, at least that's, I think that's what he said.
He was hang gliding during the interview.
So Obama apparently has talked to everybody in his gated community.
And they've all figured out that we're too far left.
Isn't that something that is so weird?
Underneath it said, at a private donor meeting on Friday, that's how the sentence starts.
At a private donor meeting, he told people we were too far fucking left.
At a private donor meeting on Friday, the former U.S. president warned candidates to pay some attention to where voters actually are.
Spawning a discussion that included Democratic activists and conservatives.
However, Obama's remarks were more nuanced than their initial framing suggested.
Yeah, okay.
Guess what?
So we're too far left.
Guess what too far left is?
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will tell you.
A reminder of what people are calling the radical extreme left agenda.
Medicare for all, living wage and labor rights, K-16 schooling, public colleges, renewable energy, fixing the pipes in Flint, not hurting immigrants, and holding Wall Street accountable.
at And this guy says, I'm too far left because I trust scientists when they say we need transformative change in all aspects of society.
So this, again, Barack Obama, you are fucking lying to us.
You know what's needed, and you're not giving it to us.
What's needed is transform.
We need to change the energy grid of the entire fucking world, you motherfucker.
You got kids, don't you?
Of course he doesn't give.
Anyway, his kids are going to live in a fucking, they have water rights in Utah.
Anyway, so Barack Obama goes on, this is Obama waves into the 2020 race, warning of the dangers of listening to certain left-leaning Twitter feeds.
Uh-oh.
Hold on.
I think he's talking about you, Jimmy.
And the activist and the activist wing of our party.
He's saying the activist wing of our party, you know, in other words, the people who actually want to get something done, ignore them.
Ignore the people who wants to get something.
And I also have this question, Mr. Obama.
How many left-leaning Twitter accounts are responsible for 30 million people not having health care?
None of them.
That would be your fucking fault.
Barack Obama, who listened to Hillary Clinton on Libya, is concerned people might be listening to the wrong people on Twitter?
Right.
Thank you.
Remember this guy?
Do you remember?
This is the guy I voted for, this guy.
That fundamental truth that out of many, we are one.
That while we breathe, we hope.
And where we are met with cynicism and doubts, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people.
Yes, we can.
Yes, we can.
I thought that was our credo.
I thought that was our motto, and now it's "Stop Hoping for Change." It's kind of a...
It's kind of a mind-blower.
We need a revolution.
Yes, we do.
You know, no matter who gets elected, whether it's, you know, Bernie or Tulsi or whoever, we're going to have to get into putting.
And that's it.
That's the only two ironic.
If it's anybody else, we're going to have some serious fucking problems.
But even if they get in, we're going to, you know, all that most of the Democrats in Congress are conservative anyway.
They're going to join with the Republicans to oppose a progressive president.
So we're going to have to put on those vests, get in the goddamn street, and shut shit down.
Which is why.
Which is why American corporate news doesn't cover the yellow vests and their success in France.
They don't cover it.
Where's my vest?
We cover it here.
So I like what this guy says.
It is totally blowing my mind that Barack Obama is repeating the same elite shit as Donald Trump.
Trump administration claims Medicare for All will destroy the government, tearing it down.
Chelsea Clinton said the same shit.
It's got me all fucked up.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Agitate.
So here's another quote.
Even as we push the envelope and we are bold in our vision, we also have to be rooted in reality.
Well, let me give you a little reality, Barack Obama.
The Democratic Party lost the House, the Senate, and that toll of 13 governorships, 816 state legislative seats during your administration, the most of any president since fucking Eisenhower.
That's your reality check.
Wow!
There it is.
Laugh my ass off.
Obama arguing against progressivism shows exactly why his presidency was such a massive disappointment.
Thank you.
We have to be rooted in reality.
Even if that means we drown because the planet's going underwater, that doesn't matter.
We want to tear down the system that gave us forever war and empire, an economy where our lives are playthings for the wealthy, a climate crisis that will lead and leave an unhabitable planet.
Obama's telling us we don't want to tear it down because he's part of it and profited by it.
That's right.
So remember the guy who says we got to stay rooted in reality?
You know where he said this?
It was at a donor meeting, and guess what the price was?
It was $10,000 a ticket up to $355,000 a ticket, and a picture with him costs $35,000.
Yes, we can.
You want a picture?
Yes, we can.
I don't like those folks who are woke.
Because they're broke.
I don't like those folks who are woke.
Here, I have this joke written.
Is it too bold to demand climate action, healthcare for the rest of the world takes for granted, and living wages?
Is it not too bold to get half a million dollars to speak for a half a fucking hour from a bank?
Isn't that pretty bold?
Is that rooted in reality?
Because when you are after you leave the presidency and your first appearance back into public life is giving speeches for Wall Street banks at a half a million dollars a clip for half an hour, then that leads to you buying an $8 million mansion in the richest zip code in America and then a $15 million mansion in fucking Martha's Vineyard.
That's your fucking house.
I can get why you think we are not rooted in reality, because your reality is much better than the rest of the fucking world's reality.
Thank you.
That guy is a community activist.
That's his house.
Man, he can.
Yes, he can.
I voted for him twice, that motherfucker.
So liberals hate socialists more than they hate fascists.
Just remember that.
They do.
They would rather have Donald Trump than Bernie Sanders.
You know that.
This guy says, I just want to go back to the party of FDR, not this neoliberal pro-corporate party.
We become Democrats are supposed to be the party of the people.
That's all we're asking for.
We're not asking for this crazy purity.
You know what when they say purist, what is purity is I just want basic human fucking decency.
I want health care for everyone, education, decent jobs, and a livable planet.
That's all I want.
Thank you.
That sounds pragmatic.
It does.
It does.
Sounds pragmatic if you want a livable planet.
But the Democrats haven't been Democrats for the last 40 years.
No, they haven't.
Right?
I mean, as soon as Clinton was elected, that was done deal.
We lost what being a Democrat was.
Donald Reagan scared the shit out of the Democrats so bad.
And then we elected Bill Clinton, who was charming, and then he moved the party to the right.
He was like, the party's too much to the left.
And now this is it.
This is the Clinton party.
Centrists be like, incremental change.
More symbolic concessions.
Vote blue except for Bernie.
Did you go to a centrist rally?
I went to a centrist rally recently.
There were thousands of people there.
They were holding hands, chanting, better things aren't possible.
What do we want?
Incremental change.
When do we want it?
in due time.
I mean, again, Barack Obama has become part of always part of the elite who can't understand there's angst in the country, which is why people were so desperate.
They voted for a game show host.
Look what's happening.
50% of Americans now have 1% of America's wealth.
It's worse.
The share of wealth owned by the top 0.1% is almost the same as the bottom 90.
USC's biggest wealth gap since the roaring 20s.
And this guy says Democrats would be wise to listen to Obama.
Hey, yeah, because Obama was so wise that after eight years of his neoliberalism, the country was so desperate it chose a game show host over his handpicked successor.
Good point.
Very good point.
Thank you.
Mr. Hope and Change is actually Mr. I hope nobody wants change when he doesn't have an election to win.
Okay, that's Mitt Romney on the phone.
I hope he's not upset because the latest poll shows him with a positive rating of only 18%.
Hi, Mitt.
Woohoo!
Have you heard the news?
I have a very positive rating of 2%.
In case you were never head cheerleader at Cranbrook Upscale School for Boys, that 2% almost adds up to one-fifth of America.
Kiss my white grits, 47%ers.
Wait, wait a minute, Mitt.
The poll said you had a positivity rating of only 18%.
Oh, and a very positive rating of 2%.
You don't know how to read polls, my friend.
But, Mitt, that's down from a positive rating of 43% prior to losing to Barack Obama in 2012.
Well, we don't say that name here, Jimmy, or that year.
We prefer to look forward, not backward.
And I'm not saying that because he is a different persuasion than I, Willard Mitt Romney, proud father of five, including tag with two G's, and devoted husband of What's Her Face you never read about.
But you're not bitter about the 2012 race.
There you go, playing the race card.
The presidential race?
If you're going to open that door, I might as well say it.
I think Deval Patrick would be a fine servant.
I mean, a public servant in the White House.
You're supporting a Democrat for president, Mitt?
Oh, come on.
Stop with the purity test.
She's not a real Democrat.
Get hip to the chive, Daddy O. It's time for a black Bane Capital guy.
I've been saying that literally since my handlers told me to.
As you know, I like to reach across the aisle, including for the skirt contingent, too, like Sue Collins.
I call her Sue.
Susan Collins isn't a Democrat, Mitt.
That's not reaching across the aisle.
Oh, of course she is, Jimmy.
And I'm proud to have hosted a New York City fundraiser for her re-election campaign.
So far, we've raised $162,000 from the residents of Maine.
And how much from outside of Maine?
$70 million.
Keep or take $10 million.
Who's keeping track, right?
You're trying to push the reelection of an unpopular incumbent with out-of-state money.
Those big contributors don't even live there.
Oh, nonsense.
They have summer homes.
Are you going to say I don't reside in San Diego when I have a perfectly good car elevator there?
Maybe that's why people dislike you and Susan Collins so much.
You're both shameless opportunists.
And I welcome your 47% hatred, Jimmy.
The real revolutions already happened.
And you can thank the Tom Stiers, the Michael Bloombergs, and the Deval Patricks of the world for blazing a trail for the less desirable elements of the gene pool to take their rightful place among us crackers in bringing about the next mass extinction.
Have a hedge fundy day, you a-holes.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
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Jeb Bush is calling me again.
Hey, Jeb.
Hello.
Is it me you're looking forward?
I can see it in your eyes.
I can feel it in your pulse.
I made it in your unsampled.
You can leave it on your porch.
Pretty good, huh?
I hired Gallagher to write that.
What am I hearing, Jeb?
Oh, gosh, Jimmy.
I'm so excited.
I have just been added to the board of directors of HEAL.
Lionel Ritchie and I are core investors in this revolutionary new startup.
HEAL?
What's HEAL?
Would you care to receive a prospectus in the mail?
No, just tell me what it is, please.
Jeb, come on.
I'm glad you asked, Mr. Doar.
HEAL is a new way of looking at medical care.
We're literally bringing back the doctor's house call.
You mean that's the old way of looking at medical care?
Well, duh.
But this time it's only for those who can afford it.
I mean, it's personalized to suit your personal needs in the privacy of your own personal home.
So you'll send the doctor to somebody's apartment in West Compton?
West what?
Well, what if you get a call?
Talk that.
Well, what if you get a call from a sick person in West Compton?
West Compton isn't on the formulary, but we partner with Blue Cross to help accommodate financially challenged individuals.
In such a case, Blue Cross will have a forensic specialist perform an emergency analysis.
What kind of forensic specialist are you talking about?
An accountant.
But you're just offering a pay-as-you-go service for basic doctor visits.
What happens if one of your doctors does a test revealing a terminal illness?
Do you cover that as well?
Well, of course.
If you have cancer, our doctor can refer you to the appropriate facility.
Which is your local bank, the lawyer who handles your trust fund, any rich relative you might have forgotten about, or your mortgage.
And what if you're in an irreversible and persistent vegetative state?
Well, through the convenience of our phone app, a nurse will personally come to your home and shove a feeding tube down your throat.
That's horrible.
Oh, sure.
We've had a few whiners complain that they accidentally butt-dialed their dead grandma's resuscitation.
But we're still getting the bugs out.
We just want to reassure people who can afford Blue Cross that help is on the way.
Or as Lionel Ritchie says, there's no need to keep wasting away in Margaritaville.
Yeah, that's not Lionel Richie, Jeb.
like you would know.
You're not a doctor.
Portions of today's Jimmy Door show was recorded in front of a live audience at the Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia.
So this is, I got this from the gray zone.
They do great work, Max Blumenthal, Aaron Matthew.
There you go.
So at the far right, that guy on the far right in that picture is opposition leader Luis Fernando Camacho.
He's in Bolivian's presidential palace with the Bible after the coup, right?
So he stormed the presidential palace, this guy, Luis Fernando Camacho, and he made his millions in the fossil fuel industry, right?
So yeah, yeah, keep that in because that's going to come.
What?
A millionaire fossil fuel guy is a revolutionary?
I don't understand.
Well, it'll be explained in a second.
So just so you know what was happening in Bolivia since Morales got elected in 2006, a new research report from the Center for Economic and Policy Research analyzes Bolivia's economic changes since 2006 in the context of the Bolivian government's main policy decisions.
It finds that it has been policy choices, not merely a commodities boom, that have been the driving force in Bolivia's surge to be the fastest growing economy in South America over the past five years.
Strong economic growth has allowed Bolivia to reduce poverty by 42% since 2006, and extreme poverty by 60% since 2006.
So you know that they can't let that shit.
Especially since he turned his nose up at the IMF, right?
So the International Monetary Fund, you know how they work, right?
They go and they force loans on countries, and then they know you can't pay them back, but the banker's got to get his money.
So now they got to start, you got to start selling off your public lands to the bank, and now the bank, so now everything gets privatized because the bank, because the IMF just fucked you, and that's their MO.
And so he put an end to that shit.
Morales, notably, the Bolivian government ended 20 years of IMF agreements in 2006.
Many of the policies responsible for Bolivia's economic success since 2006 were previously opposed by the IMF, including most importantly, the renationalization of hydrocarbons.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, wait, that fucking guy.
Oh, wait a minute.
That millionaire on the right, he made his money in hydrocarbons.
I wonder why he wants to have a coup.
Oh, that's right, because Morales nationalized all the hydrocarbons.
And so now the people own their own hydrocarbon, like the oil's in, like the oil's in the ground in Bolivia, or the gas is in the ground in Bolivia.
So it's the Bolivian peoples.
But then it was just a company's.
Morales says, that's bullshit.
It's our gas, and I'm going to take the profit from that, and I'm going to lessen poverty, and I'm going to educate people, and I'm going to give them health care, and I'm going to give fucking housing, and I'm going to build parks, and I'm going to make it livable.
And we're going to have the best economy growing in five years, Evalt.
So that's what he did, and they can't have that shit.
So Bolivia has shown that it is possible for a small poor country in South America to make substantial economic and social progress with macroeconomic stability, solid income growth, and redistribution through a mix of state-led, heterodox economic policies and markets.
What's heterodox mean?
Do you know?
Fucking ha ha.
I don't know either.
but at least we're even.
Sounds dirty, right?
Oh, he's giving it a heterodox.
Oh, does it?
MMT?
Okay.
I was hoping to get heterodox tonight.
I thought he said DMT.
I'm all for DMT.
Okay.
I'm up for that.
So guess, so why is this happening?
Why now?
Well, there's the fossil fuel shit he took over, right?
Bolivia is very rich.
It is said that it has 70% of the essential material to make new batteries.
We all know that there is a change in energy taking place in the world.
Former Uruguayan President Jose Mujica said, right?
So there's that.
And then he was opening up their markets, capital markets to China, which is a no-no.
And he was going to give lithium to the Germans.
And they can't have that.
No, no, no, we got to have it.
We got to have it, right?
So the U.S. Agency for the International Development, the National Endowment for Democracy, it's called NED.
Now, if you don't know who NED is, recently I got smeared by an online news site called Bellingcat.
And they said that I took money from a pro-Assad group.
And then later that year, I said the gas attack was a false flag.
So I did a little checking on who Bellingcat was.
And they're funded by the National Endowment for Democracy, which is the fucking U.S. State Department's regime change wing.
It's called NED.
So the government is literally funding guys to write smear pieces on other U.S. citizens who are telling the truth about war.
So that's who these are.
So the U.S. Agency for International Development and the NED has long thrown millions of dollars at Bolivian opposition groups and NGOs, which are, that stands for non-government organizations.
So NED is funding these people that are sowing discord or revolution to overthrow the democratically elected socialist Morales, right?
And they're doing destabilization efforts, including violent anti-government protests in Santa Cruz, which just happens to be where a civic committee leader and Christian zealot, Luis Fernando Camacho, is based.
So the United States government is funding this guy, Luis Fernando Camacho, who's a millionaire because he wants to get his goddamn gas back.
The United States want to get rid of a socialist so the Chinese doesn't have their capital markets invested there and we get to keep the lithium.
So that's what the fuck is going on in Bolivia.
So if you weren't sure what's going on, that's what's going on.
Now, they had a election.
So they had an election.
And five out of six polls predicted that Morales would win by 10 points.
You know, if you win by 10%, they do like two runoffs.
There's the first one, and then if somebody wins by 10%, it's over.
But if you don't, the top two have a runoff.
Well, he won by more than 10%.
And that's what, well, here it is.
This guy says, eventually the official count was released.
Morales won in the first round, 47% to 36%.
So it's over 10%.
So they don't go to a second round of voting.
So he's the president, and that's it, right?
If you had been watching the polls before the election, five out of six of them predicted the same result.
We're to have a fraud that matches up with the polls, right?
So there's no fraud.
All right, so this guy, No, they admitted the fraud.
Who did?
Morales admitted the fraud.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
That did not happen.
But hang on.
serious is this situation now people are using uh words like Watch this.
How serious is this situation now?
People are using words like coup.
Are we really there yet?
Well, I don't know.
When the Army tells the president, hey, why don't you pack your shit?
Get the fuck out of here.
I think we're there yet.
Well, I think it is serious.
I think the opposition or the leadership at least is trying to overthrow the government.
And, you know, a near majority, 47% of the people voted for the president, which was over 10 points more than the next runner-up.
And so he was.
But those results.
Sorry to interrupt straight away, but those results are exactly what's disputed.
Do you have faith in those results?
Yes.
Well, if you notice, you can read dozens, hundreds of articles since October 20th on the web and on this election, and not one presents even one shred of evidence that the election was in doubt, stolen, or anything else.
And so this is very bad.
I think it was a very bad decision on the part of the Organization American State.
They put one sentence into their press release after the election without any evidence whatsoever implying that there was something wrong with the result.
And so that was picked up by most of the media.
But you can look at any website for any major news organization in the world, and no one has yet presented any evidence, and that's because there isn't any.
I mean, you don't even have to need, you don't even need a statistical analysis.
We did one, which you can see at cpr.net, but you can just look at the numbers from the election, and there's nothing that indicates anything was wrong.
Okay, well, given that, why are so many people out on the streets now then, do you think?
Well, you had a lot of people in 2009 on the streets tried to overthrow the government then.
And so, you do have an opposition that wants to get rid of this government, and they've used violence in the past.
And so it's not that surprising.
But I think the media has played a huge role by simply repeating over and over again this allegation, which is really nothing at this point more than an unfounded conspiracy theory, because there's nothing to indicate that there's something wrong with the result.
And the Organization of American States is there now conducting an audit, and the opposition refuses even to accept that because they want to get rid of the government.
What about okay?
So, there you go.
So, that is what's happening in Bolivia.
There is never any evidence.
There's no experts, but the media is reporting it over and over.
That is true.
The media is reporting over and over that there were irregularities.
Turns out there weren't any.
In fact, he went on Democracy Now!
and he said this.
...report, and there's really nothing in this latest so-called preliminary audit that shows that there was any fraud in this election...
But it was repeated over and over again in all the media, and so it became kind of true.
And you know, if you look at the media, you don't see anybody, you don't see any experts, for example, saying that there was something wrong with the vote count.
It's really just that OAS observation mission, which was under a lot of pressure, of course, from Senator Rubio and the Trump administration.
So, the OAS is the Organization of American States, right?
And so they're funded by the United States, right?
And so, they've been pressured to say this shit.
So, and they're saying it, right?
So, they're the only ones saying that there were irregularities in the vote count.
There weren't irregularities.
They have no evidence.
There's no proof.
Nobody showed any.
Here we go.
To do this because they wanted, they've wanted for some time to get rid of this government.
In terms of the Trump administration, you can look at tweeting.
Okay, so there's one more thing he says.
A military coup supported by the United States.
So, Mark Weisbrat, you have the CIA involvement in coups in Bolivia in 1952 and 1964, 1970, 1980.
Would you add 2019 to that list?
I would add it to the list.
I mean, we don't have the hard evidence of what they did.
You know, it's not like 2009 in Honduras, where Hillary Clinton wrote in her memoirs that she worked in the OAS too to prevent the elected president, who you've had on this show, from coming back to the country and to the presidency.
But I think we'll probably find out more later, but it's just, it is very obvious that they.
Okay, so there you go.
So that's what James Carville?
What about him?
Oh, Bolivia, really?
No, for one of the right-wing presidents?
No shit.
All right, see, this is what I'm talking about.
I will look into that.
So here.
You know, maybe it's all the fucking Constitution buildings and Liberty Bells and shit.
You guys take this shit a little too seriously.
You guys take this shit a little too seriously.
So here, Philly.
So here is how CBS reported this.
You ready?
Bolivian President Evil Morales has resigned.
Morales announced he was stepping down Sunday afternoon after the military asked him to leave office.
Yeah, they asked the, by the way, forgot one more thing.
Would you mind stepping down?
Would you mind?
I'm from the military, which I forgot to ask.
It's a beautiful house you have.
Would you step down?
Look, we'll help you pack.
I'll even get you an Airbnb in Mexico.
No hard feelings.
So they went and ransacked his house, Morales' house.
They went and ransacked his house, all of his pub, his cabinet, political people like mayors and cities.
They went and they, so they're leaving the country because it's shit getting real, and they're backed by the CIA.
Here's how the Washington Post...
By the way, I forgot to...
Bolivian President Evil Morales has resigned.
Morales announced he was stepping down Sunday afternoon after the military asked him to leave office.
An audit indicated there was a clear manipulation in the country's elections last month.
Morales' victory sparked deadly protests, which have shut down schools, businesses, and public transportation.
Earlier in the day, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo tweeted support for the findings from the election report and called for a democratic electoral program.
Yeah.
So there were irregularities in the poll.
Can I just say this?
I wonder if the irregularities in the polls did it include the person with the most votes not winning?
Because that's how that's the kind of shit we like to do.
It's good to see CBS is good at downplaying military aggression, right?
You see that?
They're pretty fucking good at that.
All right.
CBS stands for polite imperialism.
Here we go.
This is how the richest man in the world's newspaper covered it.
This is the Washington Post.
This is how they covered their events.
By the boy, this report is brought to you by the same groups that showed people in Iraq thanking George Bush after invading them for no reason.
Okay, here we go.
Bolivian President Evo Morales resigned after nearly 14 years in power amid a fierce backlash over a disputed election.
First of all, why did they have a high school girl narrate this?
Okay, all right.
And she's got like a voice prize.
It's crazy.
I don't know.
Is that wrong of me to say that?
No.
Okay.
Stunning fall came hours after the Organization of American States said it found, quote, clear manipulations of the voting system.
But they, again, offered no evidence.
There's no experts to back it up, no nothing.
And Washington Post just repeats it.
So you see what I'm saying?
When I say that, or what everybody said, the traditional mainstream establishment corporate media are just stenographers for the State Department, and that's why we're in seven wars and nobody even fucking knows about it.
Thank you.
So here we go, a little bit more.
Duele mucho que esos señores, algunos comités cívicos y partidos que han perdido, llevara la paz.
But why does the background music sound like an arcade game from the 90s.
Right?
Violencia.
Yo va a llevar a la agresión enfrentando entre bolivianos bolivianos.
Y por este y muchas razones, estoy renunciando, enviando mi carta de renuncia a la Asamblea Legislativa Plurinacional de Bolivia.
The heads of armed forces and national police called on Morales, Bolivia's first indigenous president, to resign after weeks of widespread protest.
He denounced the pressure as a coup orchestrated by his right-wing challenger, former President Carlos Mesa.
Notice how they don't say he was wrong in describing it as a coup.
They just go, he announced it as a coup and yeah, well, whatever, moving on.
That's it.
They don't go in.
Well, was it a coup?
Was it?
And other opposition leaders.
Strikes, protests, and roadblocks have paralyzed South America's poorest nation.
Ever since the October 20th vote, at least three people died in clashes between Morales'supporters and opponents.
We're free.
We can.
We can.
I love you.
We're free.
We can now say that the people are the most united than ever.
We're the Colombian.
Celebrations broke out across the country as news of the president's resignation spread.
Yeah, and so did protests demanding that he be reinstated.
Except you're never going to fucking mention that, are you, you Bezos lackey?
No.
Yes.
That's right.
That report is so slanted, you could build a skateboard ramp on it.
So this guy caught this, Alex Rubenstein.
So there was a pro-Bolivia coup demonstrators in Washington, D.C., and they're waving the U.S. flag, shouting, thank you, USA, outside the White House.
So they're just kind of like, hey, that's right.
You guys, I know you fucking helped us.
Thank you very much.
Their party, by the way, got 4% on October 20th, but they had the Bolivian SWAT team on their side.
So that's how you get to overthrow a democratically elected government.
And this is like how Guaido in Venezuela, his political party, is the sixth most popular in Venezuela.
But since it gets most of the funding from USAID, they were chosen as the coup figureheads because they are the most reliable proxies.
And that's what's happening in Bolivia.
So this guy is, he writes, he's an editor at The Atlantic, right?
So you think that they're smart and whatever.
And this guy says, no, Evil Morales resignation is not a coup.
It is one of the few big victories for democracy has won in recent years.
Both leftist dictators.
First of all, what is a leftist dictator?
This guy's a dictator.
He's giving me healthcare, education, clean water, a living wage, fucking asshole.
What are you going to do next?
Give me housing?
I hate these leftist dictators.
I don't think that's a thing.
I don't think that's a thing.
So that guy writes for, so I retweeted that and said, this is straight up State Department propaganda, and it gets printed in the Atlantic.
They're the ones always warning us of the dangers of Trump lying and Russians manipulating our brains through memes.
Hashtag Operation Mockingbird, motherfucker.
Still going on.
And you know what?
There is no way the American government wants us to get the real story about Bolivia.
No.
They don't want us all uniting and coming together and going on the streets and fighting for what we deserve.
They don't want this.
They're squelching it throughout the world.
And they don't want you to know that there's a socialist leader who's popular and bringing those people out of poverty.
They certainly don't want you to know that.
And the Washington Post will make sure you won't know that.
So Jorge Ramos asked Bernie Sanders about Bolivia.
You know Jorge's Ramos, right?
He's a fucking CIA tool also.
And you're going to see it.
Watch.
Wrote in a tweet that you thought it was a military tool.
Yes.
What happened in Bolivia?
Many people have other point of view.
They think that Other people think other things like the CIA, and I'm going to say what it is right now.
Here we go.
Morales had been in power 14 years, that he wanted to fight more and that he wanted to become a dictator.
So he wanted to become a dictator.
And how did he do it?
By winning elections.
No, I don't agree with that assertion.
I think Morales did a very good job in alleviating poverty, in giving the indigenous people of Bolivia a voice that they never had before.
Now, we can argue about his going for a fourth term, whether that was a wise thing to do.
And the AOS thought it was a fraud, the election on October the 20th.
Some people think that as well.
But at the end of the day, it was the military who intervened in that process and asked him to leave.
When the military intervenes, Joey, in my view, that's called a coup.
Yes!
Thank you!
Thank you Bernie!
Yes!
Thank you Bernie!
Yes!
Bad boy, Bernie.
So Bernie's getting better because normally Bernie would first repeat the CIA pretext for invasion and then say we should stay the fuck out.
And since I've been on his ass for doing that, they stopped doing that.
It's nice to see he's not doing it.
I'm going to take credit for it.
Okay.
That's called pulling him to the left.
That's called pulling him to the left.
All right.
And back in no way.
Anyway.
So the U.S. called for a military coup in Venezuela yesterday.
Did you know that?
It utterly failed again, and a few hundred people in a rich elite area came out to march with Guaido.
At the same time, the Shavista government held this huge rally to show solidarity with Bolivia against the coup.
Yep.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wow, Liam Neeson's calling me again.
Hello.
Jimmy, have you heard?
Heard what, buddy?
After a remote diamond mine collapses in the far northern regions of Canada, an ICE driver leads an impossible rescue mission over a frozen ocean to save the lives of trapped miners.
Wow, is that in the news?
Yes.
What exactly is an ICE driver?
It is a man.
A man who leads an impossible rescue mission over a frozen ocean using a truck, I think.
Well, this sounds like another one of your films, not the news.
Well, it was in variety.
That's the news, isn't it?
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorkComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earle, Ron Placone, Step Samurano, and Mark Van Landowick.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable Mike McRae who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out!
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out!
Don't freak out.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't break out.
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