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Nov. 7, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:37
20191107_TJDS_20191106_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Joe.
Oh, no, I messed up.
Oh, hi, Jimmy.
Governor Senator Mitt Romney calling you again.
First of all, how are you, my friend?
I'm doing, I'm doing well.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me get to the point.
I'm getting a lot of heat from you and your Bernaristas over a perfectly innocent observation I made recently, and I just want to clear some things up.
Okay, sure.
When I told The Atlantic, the magazine, not the ocean, that everyone else in the Senate is really nice except Bernie Sanders, it wasn't a dig at Bernie.
It wasn't?
No, it was a dig at all his cult followers and everything he stands for.
They're major A-holes.
And that's A with a capital A, my friend.
But you said people are really friendly.
They're really nice, except Bernie.
Yes, I did.
And I stick by that.
Everyone in the Senate is really nice, but not Grumpy Bernie.
He's a curmudgeon.
Why can't he be nice to everybody?
Well, isn't that part of the problem?
Shouldn't we value principles over getting along to go along?
There you go again with your butt you said.
Well, isn't that?
How would you like it if I, what about it?
You well, what specifically don't you like about his politics?
Oh, heck if I know.
It's just not good cricket.
So it's just personal then.
He's mean and grumpy, Jimmy.
I mean, he takes politics so seriously.
Well, maybe that's because there are a lot of terrible things happening that we need to address immediately.
Oh, really?
Name one.
And if you're talking about finding a big enough venue for this year's Senate Masquerade Cotillion, I already got that one covered, fella.
You also said in The Atlantic that— Yes.
You also said that you've secretly been using a Twitter account under a pseudonym to tweet favorable things about yourself.
A pseudonym?
Am I in the three stooches now?
Yes.
Anyway, my friend Pierre also uses it to attack my detractors.
That's how I, I mean, Pierre, keeps tabs on political discourse.
What's the Twitter handle?
I won't give you the name of it, but if I did, it would rhyme with Pierre Delecto.
Pierre Delecto?
Se noise.
Why don't you just post under your real count?
Well, I don't want to come off as mean and grumpy like Bernie.
Mr. Delecto can have a temper, and sometimes he can be ever so critical.
Who on earth convinced you to choose the name Pierre Delecto?
Pierre said I should take it from his grinder profile.
Wait, you do everything Mr. Delecto tells you to do?
There are two sides to Mr. Delecto, Jimmy.
There's Mr. Delecto, and then there's Pierre.
Pierre advises me on policy.
Mr. Delecto tells me to start fires.
Well, Mr. Delecto sounds like a real psychotic.
Yeah, you're not fit to carry Mr. Delecto's manbag, Jimmy.
Well, now that Mr. Delecto has been revealed, are you still going to post on social media?
Only if I can find my MySpace password.
You won't have Pierre Delecto to kick around anymore.
What alter ego do you use on MySpace?
My rat name, Sebacious Sist.
He's literally in your face.
Toodle dip, Jimmy.
Sebacious Syst.
Establishment media sets of artists lighting so good luck.
Bullshit we can't afford by stomaching this boat.
Watch and see as a jackal comedian speeds and jumps the medium and hits him head-on.
It's the Jimmy Door show.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
We will see you November 17th and 18th in Philadelphia, December 27th in Honolulu, January 11th and 12th in Portland.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for all the tickets.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
We got phone calls and a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door Show.
So there was a new poll out.
There was a CNN new University of New Hampshire poll, and they found out, well, here's the results.
Bernie Sanders is at 21% in New Hampshire.
Elizabeth Warren's at 18%.
Oh, that's fantastic.
And Joe Biden's at 15%.
So look at that.
Look at that.
Good.
So Ryan Grimm caught this, Ryan Grimm.
He said CNN has five articles up about its New Hampshire poll that shows Sanders in front, yet none of the articles say that in the headline.
Here's one.
Early state primary voters much more undecided than now.
What the F?
Here's another one.
This is historically unprecedented New Hampshire mess.
Instead of Bernie's leading, this is what they say.
And here's another one.
Sanders and Warren sit atop in New Hampshire, but there's no clear frontrunner.
Buddha gig in fourth, but a strong fourth.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Fourth place is so fucking strong, Jimmy.
That's why the Olympics don't give it a medal, because it's so fucking strong.
God, remember the team in the NFL last year?
They came in fourth place, the parade they had.
It was fucking amazing.
It was a strong parade.
Oh, such a strong parade.
Strong fourth.
I love what Cody Johnson says.
says when Bernie wins the headline will be Buttigieg almost wins.
And guess, so guess what, though?
When CNN reported this on their own network, they flipped the numbers for Elizabeth Warren and Bernie.
Look, they did it.
They said Elizabeth Warren has 21.
Can you believe they did that?
They did that.
And this guy believed that they lied.
This guy said it's getting a little ridiculous already.
Iowa poll, Biden, and Buddha Gig within striking distance of Warren.
What about fucking Sanders?
They won't ever mention that.
Oh, my God.
And by the way, and they still have it.
All right.
Yeah.
See, it's such a good news organization that it presents, it misrepresents their own poll.
Their own poll.
They get it wrong.
I love that.
Hey, by the way, oopsie, just a simple error that matches the biases and agenda of the corporate class.
Just a mistake.
Isn't it funny that the mistakes always go one way, but never the underway?
The mistake is always in favor of the establishment, never in favor of the progressive.
Isn't that a valid?
Okay.
Hey, by the way, what are they going to do next?
With their next poll, they're going to have Steve Harvey read the next poll.
Is that they're going to do?
Klobuchar within staple-throwing distance of Warren.
I bet you CNN would be a little embarrassed about this unless CNN is trying to falsely shape public opinion.
I don't know if that would try.
Maybe.
By the way, I love this.
This is the onion put this out.
They go, MSNBC poll finds support for Bernie Sanders has plummeted two points up.
They wrote that incorrectly, not to take away from your joke.
So good this.
So Brett Welder, who ran as a Justice Democrat in Kansas, he caught this.
The New York Times, they had their own poll, and it says, which of these Democrats would be your first choice in the Iowa caucuses?
And it has Elizabeth Warren at 22%, Sanders at 19%, Buddhegigig at 18%.
And here's the headline.
You ready the headline from the New York Times?
Is the headline that Sanders is in second?
No, the headline is: Elizabeth Warren is leading a tight Iowa caucus race, according to our new poll, while Pete Boudigez is surging and Joe Biden is fading.
They don't even mention Bernie Sanders again.
They don't mention him.
This is what I like.
goes, it's a tight race between first, third, and fourth place.
I bet the CNN altered poll is an approved DNC poll.
I bet you that.
Yeah.
Does this surprise anybody anymore?
It's still kind of shocking when you see it.
It is still, to me, it's just like, God, they're just blatant.
They just don't give a shit.
Yet they'll still wag their finger.
Yeah, that's the real reporters.
That's the real reporting.
That's the stuff that they should be prosecuting.
That stuff, not Julian Assange.
So I just wanted to remind people that this is the problem.
That why do we have Donald Trump?
Here we go.
My policies are so mainstream that, you know, if I had said the same policies that I have back in the 1980s, I'd be considered a moderate Republican.
I mean, you know, what I believe in is, you know, a neoliberalism now, liberalism yesterday, liberalism for fucking ever.
All right.
So that's the problem.
He brags about being a Republican.
And again, people, this got reported on a foreign news service.
This was in the United States.
That's why he said it.
I wish he would have told us this in 2008.
I might have behaved differently.
Yeah, right?
I might have voted for Dennis Kucinich in the primary.
This is that Bernie Sanders big, this is where Ocasio-Cortez endorsed him.
And Michael Moore gave a speech.
This was in Queens, right?
They're in Queens.
And so they're giving an, and I like Michael Moore.
I love Bernie Sanders.
But the point of this is, it's weird how they're fighting this fight, right?
That they'll call out the system, but they won't call out MSNBC.
They won't call out the New York Times or the Washington Post.
They won't.
Well, I'll show you.
Here we go.
Because behind you on that island in Manhattan is the headquarters of corporate America.
Who have been buying the Democratic candidates since 1992?
That's the party leaves out.
Yeah.
On that island behind you, that is the headquarters of corporate media.
On that island behind you is the headquarters of Wall Street.
You're starting to think Michael Moore should be a tour guide.
On that island behind you is Texas Delhi.
Right behind you is where you can get the best thin crust pizza in the world.
Junior's cheesecake is right down on this.
It'd be funny if he just starts naming food joints that he likes.
So much misery has been visited upon the American people.
And that's just from the Marvel movies, am I right?
Come on.
Come on.
I did like Aquaman.
That's DC.
Because behind you on that island in Manhattan is the headquarters of corporate America.
And Broadway.
That is the headquarters of corporate media.
On that island behind you is the headquarters of Wall Street.
So much misery has been visited upon the American people from a half a mile away from us.
A half a mile away, something tells me he didn't get that data from his Fitbit, if you know what I'm talking about.
This has to stop.
They have to hear this.
They have to hear you across the river.
Goldman Sachs, can you hear us?
Fox News, can you hear us?
No, they can't hear you, Michael.
Fox is meeting with CNN and MSNBC for a new Bernie smear campaign right now.
So that's what that.
No, they can't hear you, but Shep Smith can.
He's sleeping in the East River.
That's the part that bothers me.
That bothers me when he goes, Fox News, can you hear us?
It's like, why are you pretending that Fox News gives better coverage to Bernie than MSNBC does?
Why are you pretending Fox News is the problem, right?
And by the way, a revolution's not, it can't be sponsored by Comcast, okay?
So my problem is, why doesn't, so that's the, and I know, am I nitpicking?
I'm going to ask that.
Am I nitpicking when I say this?
You are.
Okay.
Thank you.
I got one nitpick.
One nitpick.
So, all right, let's keep going.
Trump Tower, can you hear us?
Of course he can hear us.
That glass is from China.
Anyway.
It's the seat of the crime over there.
And Harlem, can you hear us?
Can you believe white people are complaining?
We're like Washington crossing the Delaware, except today it's just the East River.
But what Bernie says, this is not just about defeating Trump.
This is about defeating that which gave us Trump.
The rotten system that gave us Donald Trump.
That's got to go.
Is he talking about the Democratic Party?
He's right about that, right?
He leads, he cuts out the Democratic Party and MSNBC and New York Times.
He cuts it out.
This is about defeating the rottens.
He's right about that.
That is about defeating the rotten system that brought us Trump.
That rotten system, Michael, is called capitalism, in case you haven't noticed.
That's what that system is called.
And right now we're living in corporate capture of our culture and our government.
All right.
So let me apologize to the young lady for being too nitpicky.
Because obviously there's a problem in my head.
I'm like, am I being too nitpicky?
I think I am being too nitpicky.
So maybe I'm half being nitpicky.
I think this, I mean, it's something we've talked about before on this show, which is like one of the things that Donald Trump was very successful at was just saying fake news, fake news, fake news.
So he got his constituents to just say, fuck anything they say is bullshit.
And I'm not saying to use it exactly like that, but Bernie, I think, needs to be more like specifically, look, here's a poll where they lied.
I'm in first place, and they're just now saying I'm in second place.
They need to call it out.
They're smearing.
So Bernie did actually call out the Washington Post a couple weeks ago.
Do you guys remember?
And you remember what they did?
They started calling Bernie a crazy conspiracy theorist when he did that.
Do you remember that?
What's that?
Yeah, oh, you mean in 2016?
Oh, really?
I don't remember them doing that, but yeah, yeah.
Okay, I'm sure they did.
That's their go-to.
When you call out their obvious corporate bias, the newspaper that's working for the richest man in the history of the world, I'm sure they're giving us the straight dope about capitalism.
So, yeah, so he did do that.
And so I just wanted to remind everybody: MSNBC, when a guy tried to cover Bernie Sanders, they fired him.
They fired him.
Bernie Sanders live.
We're coordinated with his campaign.
And I'm told five minutes before, you're not covering Bernie Sanders.
Now, let me give you the opinion.
I think the Clintons were connected to Andy Lack, connected at the hip.
I think that they didn't want anybody in their prime time or anywhere in their lineup supporting Bernie Sanders.
I think that they were in the tank for Hillary Clinton, and I think it was managed.
And 45 days later, I was out at MSNBC.
So I just want to keep reminding people of that, right?
And you all know that MSNBC isn't lefty, but maybe people watching this video need to hear that.
That MSNBC isn't lefty, that they actually fired Ed Schultz for just covering Bernie Sanders.
And what does that tell you about the people who keep their jobs there and don't say something about that?
To me, it says a lot.
Okay, all right.
I don't want to break.
Thank you very much.
And so now here's Ryan Grimm again.
Ryan Grimm, they brought him on MSNBC.
And Dave Dole from the Net Rational National, he caught this, and I like watching his show.
He's got a good show.
So watch this.
Ryan Grimm calls out MSNBC on MSNBC.
Watch this.
To look this time.
Whereas Sanders is trying to change the complexion and the face of the electorate.
So he's trying to organize enough people and inspire enough people in Iowa particularly to come out and caucus for Bernie Sanders.
He's running up against this huge problem though, that I mentioned earlier, this media blackout.
In the Democratic primary, this network and the New York Times have an enormous amount of influence.
And this show in particular is an exception.
It covers Sanders pretty regularly.
But outside of that, he often either gets ignored or kind of just kind of laughed at as not a serious candidate, even when polls come out showing him in reasonable contention.
And one quick point on the Buddha Judge.
He spent an extraordinary amount of money in Iowa.
And we can't forget that because you can move the needle a few, you know, several points by dumping a ton of money into a state.
And he's been very smart about burning a ton of money in those states to make himself look viable until he becomes.
Okay, so that was super interesting.
Ryan Grimm does great reporting, but that was super interesting, right, to have him call out MSNBC on MSNBC.
I'm guessing he doesn't have a contract with MSNBC, and he's not going to get one.
And I bet he won't be back on for a while.
Because they haven't had Glenn Greenwell on MSNBC since December of 2016, FYI, just so you know.
And so, no, they don't cover Bernie Sanders on MSNBC, but what do they cover?
They cover bullshit conspiracy theories about an election three years ago.
That's their top news story every goddamn night, Russia Gate.
And now they're going to be covering corruption in the Ukraine and Trump's impeachment.
So they haven't talked about a goddamn thing since 2016.
They haven't, I mean, I'm talking about in the news media.
They spent three years talking about Russia Gate, and now they're going to talk about his impeachment.
So they've managed to go a whole election cycle, a whole four years, without talking about the shit that gave us Trump in the first place or the problems of America.
Like if you read Chris Hedge's book, America the Farewell Tour, it's all about what's happening in America right now, everywhere from coast to coast in towns where capitalism has pulled the rug out from underneath people and it's hollowed out these communities and the first thing they do is build a new prison.
The first fucking thing they do.
So everybody's got a job there and then they start incarcerating.
They did it in Flint.
We saw it in Michael Moore's first movie, Roger and me.
So it was interesting.
So to me, it's interesting that this goes along with the Michael Moore thing about he calls out Fox News in the system, but he doesn't say MSNBC.
It drives me nuts that they don't do that because the real problem isn't Fox News.
When people watch Fox News, they know they're getting propaganda or people who are independents or people left-leaning.
But when people turn on CNN and MSNBC, they think they're actually getting the news.
And they are fucking getting propaganda at 100 miles an hour every goddamn day to the point where they'll call corruption a conspiracy theory.
It didn't happen.
So that's, I just wanted to play.
And so watch this.
So David Dole wanted to see this clip.
So he watched it in real time and he caught it on his phone on the TV.
He recorded it with his phone, but he went to MSNBC's website because they normally post all their clips.
Well, guess what?
When you go to the page, so this segment was from Monday, the 21st.
You go to their page.
You can see Wednesday here has a lot of clips up, about five or more.
Tuesday has four clips.
Then you go to Monday.
Only three clips.
And again, you see here Friday last week had four clips.
Monday, only three clips.
So every other day has at least four clips.
Monday only had three clips.
Why?
Because they didn't post this video.
They didn't want to share this.
So not only is there a Bernie blackout, there is a blackout about the Bernie blackout.
Maybe Chris Hayes would like to go investigate why the network he works at and comes into work every single day isn't covering Bernie Sanders.
Maybe he should do a little investigative journalism and do a report on it.
That would be interesting to find out why the rest of his network isn't covering the guy who's leading in the polls in New Hampshire.
Wouldn't that be interesting?
I wonder why, I bet you, Chris, he's going to do that.
He's a great journalist.
I mean, too bad MSNBC doesn't have a Brian Stelter to keep them accountable.
That clip would have been up.
So you probably don't know about the story, but maybe you do because you watch the show, so you're extra smart.
And so this is from CNN Business.
This is from a month ago, from September 18th.
It says, for a second day, the New York Fed spent billions to calm the financial markets.
Did you know that the financial markets needed calming?
Did you?
I didn't.
Well, here, watch this.
Yes, for a second, straight, second straight day, the New York Federal Reserve injected a huge sum of money into the financial system in a bid to calm stress in an overnight lending market.
When was this?
This was September 18th.
Still happening.
Still happening, by the way.
Hang on.
Hang on.
The Fed on Wednesday poured another $75 billion into the market following a $53 billion rescue by the New York Fed on Tuesday.
Just like Stephanie Kelton says, they just invent money.
They just fucking print it.
You need fucking 53 billion?
There you go.
I need 53 billion to send people to college.
What are you nuts?
We can't afford that.
But I need 53 billion to give to the banks that nobody will talk about.
Here you go.
Here you go, no problem.
What the fuck?
Yeah, we'll just print it.
Don't worry about it.
What the?
So here it keeps going.
Overnight lending rates have suddenly spiked, and the Fed is acting to bring them back down to keep markets functioning smoothly.
Until this week, get this.
The Fed hadn't launched an operation like this since 2008.
*Cheering*
Nobody is talking about this.
How about a little kudos for me doing the sound effect.
So the Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell said during a press conference that the steps were effective in relieving funding pressures.
Well, I hope $130 billion actually helps ease your funding pressure.
If that doesn't, we're in real trouble.
The aim is to keep borrowing rates down, blah, blah.
The overnight lending rate spiked to a high of 10% on Tuesday before the New York Fed stepped in.
It has since tumbled below 3%, which is still above the Fed's target range.
Still, the fact that the Fed needed to pump $128 billion into a system on successive days shows that a crack has emerged in the seldom-discussed corner of Wall Street that is central to the global financial system.
And it also raises concern that the Fed is losing its grip on the short-term rates the central bank is supposed to control.
Boy, they're using some pretty tough, I mean, some pretty soft language.
There's a crack of $2,828 billion.
That's not a fucking canyon.
Are you kidding me?
That's a crack.
Dylan, tell me what's going on.
It's not that big of a deal.
Oh, okay.
Good.
Who is that?
So tell us what happened.
So now, so I know.
So there's a success.
You want this?
I've been going on and on and on and on and on.
But can you do it really succinctly?
He can do it.
So come on, Dylan.
What's going on?
The global financial system functions based on this.
So if you think of the global financial system as a spinning top that's fat on the top and gets skinnier to a pointy bottom.
You see that?
Like a top.
Can you see that?
So far, yeah.
The diameter of the bottom of the top, the tip, the pointy part on the floor.
Are you with me?
Yes.
If I want to widen the diameter of that, that's how much money is in this market.
So however much I add to this little tip at the bottom, it adds to the overall size of the spinning top that I can put on top of it of global money.
Trillions.
26.
Go crazy.
Okay.
When the rates spike in this market, what they're saying is the overall size of the financial top that is the spinning leverage of every bank in the world and every mortgage and business and ticket and whatever, anything is maxed out.
We're at the edge of our risk capacity.
We're at the speculative edge of behavior and of risk-taking.
Too big to fail.
So, well, you know, I hear that.
It's all in the currency now.
It doesn't matter.
Enjoy yourself.
What Dylan just said, I hear in the deli every day.
Everything's fine.
Be here now.
All right.
Be here told me guys ordering a sandwich and going, look at it like it's a top.
What's it top?
The financial system, you fucking idiot.
Wow, it's senior political commentator for CNN, David Axelrod.
Hello.
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Why did you call today, David Axelrod?
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I don't think I have.
It's called The Axe File.
Guess who sponsors it?
We have a sponsor.
I don't know.
Who sponsors it?
Max body spray.
Max body spray.
Wow, that's a big sponsor.
That must be lucrative.
No, it's my Axe Body Spray, not the other spray.
I've literally bottled my firebrand essence.
Spray some David Axelrod on your body, and you'll really feel the burn of firebrand passion.
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Sounds great.
Yeah, it really makes the chicks horny.
Because when there's no fighting it, what exactly does Axe Body Spray smell like?
A small room crammed with manila folder file cabinets.
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Need I say more?
So are you still touring around with Karl Rove?
No, I'm taking some time off while the great Barbara Gala pitches.
What if Bagala can't do it?
Well, then we use my wax replica of myself.
Worked fine the first few months.
Only thing that finally gave it away was the lack of spittle dribbling down my chin.
Thank God we now have the technology to correct that flaw.
I'm taking some time off to teach my masterclass in political consulting.
What's your take on the Democratic lineup so far?
Liz Warren is running a strategically brilliant campaign.
And I should know I'm strategically brilliant.
Oh, and I really regret talking to Mark Howard Grant about my new book.
Mistakes were made.
What's brilliant about her campaign?
She has a clear, unambiguous message that is thoroughly integrated with her biography.
You mean being a Republican until she was 47 years old and then flip-flopping on Medicare for all?
Exactly.
It keeps people wondering, and they like the excitement of uncertainty.
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Okay, by now.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show.
You can do it by going to jimmydoorcomedy.com, clicking on join premium.
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We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
Man, I'm getting a call here from a number I don't recognize.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey there, little brother.
This is David Lee Roth calling your ass.
Excuse me?
Now, I know you're probably thinking, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why am I getting a call from American vocalist DR?
Well, as one entertainer turned podcaster/slash YouTube phenomenon to another, I just wanted to reach out in a spirit of respect and honor to you specifically, considering what you've been able to build in your little garage out there in Pasadena, my hometown, which makes it all so much sweeter.
Hometown love never dies, and extend an open hand of respect that in ancient Japanese culture is known as Tatsuya Suki, which is something I just made up right now because I speak compulsively.
Well, let me get this straight.
I'm talking to David Lee Roth from Van Halen.
Yes, Van Halen is one of several sources your listeners may know me from, but let's not forget, lest we be remiss.
My solo career, my solo albums, Crazy from the Heat, number one, many weeks, as well as possibly younger people know I'd be best from my work with the New York Paramedic Association.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm kind of what you call a polymath.
But now I am, like you, a YouTube guy.
30k subscribes.
That's a good start.
It is, I agree, but it's no 616K, Mr. Door.
Let me know when you get to 666, right?
Run it with the demo.
Oh, okay.
Okay, I will do, Mr. Lee Roth.
Please call me Diamond Dave.
Just kidding.
But maybe not.
Who knows?
Yeah, so I need to get these numbers up.
Okay.
And it seems to me, from what I've seen, the best way to do that is to go leapfrogging around YouTube.
Guest on this show, get more subscribes.
Guest on that show, get even more subscribes.
That's kind of how you did it, right?
Maybe to a certain extent.
That's certainly an element of it.
So yeah, I've been on Mark Marin in his garage.
I did Joe Rogan.
Got that sweet Rogan bump.
You did, Joe's show.
I bet you got a sweet Rogan bump.
Yes, I did.
That is true.
I got a Rogan bump.
So what I'm saying is that I am looking for that sweet, sweet door bump.
But don't worry, I'm not talking about the door bump that we used to do when Van Halen was on tour Sabbath at 79 on the Never Say Die tour.
It's the most dangerous bump there is because we do it right off the doorknob.
And you never know when some maniac was going to come crashing through the door.
Look, you know, I don't.
I should tell tales out of school, but Geezer Butler broke his nose twice on that tour.
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Look, David Lee Roth, with all due respect, this is primarily a political podcast.
We usually have journalists and the like as guests.
Hey, man, David Lee Roth is politics, and politics is David Lee Roth.
That makes literally no sense.
Yeah, but dude, it's even a baba dupe sip, but it made me a billion dollars after taxes.
See, this is the type of stuff we can rap about in person when I'm on your show.
Well, look, Dave, in addition to the fact that you are neither a journalist nor a politician, we'd like to kind of stay focused on topic during our segments.
And you seem kind of all over the map.
I mean, I'm sorry, but no, I mean, I hope you're not too bummed out.
Ah, come on, man.
Are you kidding me?
Of course I'm bummed out.
I'm as bummed out as Sammy Hagard at DWI Checkpoint.
I'm as bummed out as Elvis Costello at a dick measuring contest.
But you know what?
I'll get over it.
It was good catching up, my friend.
Well, glad to see you're keeping your sense of humor.
Always, Jimmy, always.
Hey, speak it up.
If I can't sit in with you and step with the gang, maybe I can keep calling in.
Maybe.
We'll see.
We'll see how this video does on YouTube.
Breaking the fourth wall, babe.
I love it.
Wooow!
So, Barack Obama said some shit again.
And I just want to remind everybody that the reason why we have Donald Trump is because the Democratic Party is 100% corrupt.
That's why we have Donald Trump, because there is no alternative to the Republican Party, right?
The Democrats became Republicans, the Republicans became batshit fucking crazy.
That's what's going on.
So Dylan Radigan, you know, he told the truth about the banks, and now he has to do his news reports from a park.
And so he says this.
So again, while the FBI director example gives those with a partisan view against Donald Trump, and it's easy to be against Donald Trump, the obvious fuel to suggest that he's a criminal who's being a terrible guy, blah, blah, blah, under investigation.
Probably true.
But if you believe that, then you probably also need to consider that Hillary Clinton was taking money through her foundation to do weapons deals overseas while personally enriching herself.
And that Barack Obama is paid off by the private health insurance companies and the banks to make sure that we don't actually have proper health care or a functioning financial system.
It's hard to believe one and not accept the other two.
Okay, so that's a big deal, right?
That's a big deal.
And so Barack Obama loves to go overseas and wag his finger at the American voter and blame the voter, the citizen, for the problems of the elite and our political class.
So this was him last year in Italy, and this is what he said last year.
But as I always tell people, you get the politicians you deserve.
And if you don't vote and you don't participate and you don't pay attention, then you're First of all, first of all, the politician we deserved in 2016 was a guy named Bernie fucking Sanders.
The problem was the corporate News and the Democratic Party and the Clinton campaign rigged the fucking primary to screw that guy over and force a corporatist down our throat.
And that's why we got that on fucking Trump, not because we didn't pay attention, you motherfucker.
I voted for this guy twice, and he let the bank steal my fucking home so he can go fuck himself in his fucking $3,000 suit and the fucking more, the fact he dropped more bombs than George Bush.
I voted for him because he said he wasn't and he lied and dropped more bombs.
So I don't want to fucking hear it from another fucking corporate asshole.
Yeah, but he's very nice.
Yes.
That's what we need.
Just a good tweeter.
We just someone that's good at tweeting.
So he's saying if you don't vote, you get the politicians you deserve.
Hey, I did vote.
Graham did vote.
We all voted and we got the politician we didn't deserve.
And that guy's name was Barack Obama.
We thought we were voting for FDR and we were voting for Mitt fucking Romney.
Yeah.
So that's him wagging his finger at the voter for not voting.
100 million people don't vote.
They're the biggest voting bloc in the country.
100 million people don't vote.
And he doesn't go, well, I wonder if the political class has left them down somewhere.
No, he's just like, oh, those assholes don't vote.
It's your fucking fault.
That's it.
That's it.
So now this, that was last year.
Now this is this year.
This is him.
Now, apparently, he doesn't even like to be criticized about his eight years because now he's going to be pissed off if anybody criticizes him.
Ready?
Here we go.
Idea of purity and you're never compromised and you're always politically woke and all that stuff.
You should get over that quickly.
We should get over that quickly.
You don't like the way he got over, you know, trying to end Bush's wars.
Yeah, he got over that shit.
God damn it.
Obama is like an advertising.
If the advertising department for Citicorp was a person idea of purity and you're never compromised and you're always politically woke and all that stuff.
You should get over that quickly.
30 million people don't have health care.
You should get over that quickly.
50% of Americans can't afford a $500 birthday.
Why don't you get over that quickly?
Should the people in Yemen get over that quickly that he helped the fucking start that war that this happened?
The people who voted for 10 those wars, they should get over that shit.
Get over that shit.
Get over that.
Get over that shit.
You see?
There are ambiguities.
By the way, people should get over that quickly.
I think he's referring to Biden's voting record.
I think that's what he's talking about.
People should get over that quickly.
I think that's Biden's new campaign slogan.
People should get over this quickly.
That's what.
People who do really good stuff have flaws.
People who you are fighting may love their kids.
But we're going to bomb them anyway.
Yeah, it's not the fact that they love their kids, Barack.
It's the fact that they don't love my fucking kids or your fucking kids and they don't give a shit about anybody else's kids.
That's the problem.
You dick.
All right, here we go.
And, you know, share certain things with you.
And I think that one danger I see among young people, particularly on college campuses, Mali and I talk about this.
You know, I go to school with my daughter.
That's nice.
But I do get a sense sometimes now among certain young people, and this is accelerated by social media.
There is this sense sometimes of the way of me making change is to be as judgmental as possible about other people.
And that's enough.
Like if I tweet or hashtag about how you didn't do something right or use the word wrong verb or then I can sit back and feel pretty good about myself because man, you see how awoke I was.
I called you out.
I'm going to get on TV.
Watch my show.
Watch Groanish.
You know, that's not activism.
Okay, so that was hard for me to watch.
I'm inspired.
Oh, really?
Mexico.
I made my money, so I'm phoning it in.
So I want to play it again and we'll break it down, right, line by line, because when he says So this idea of purity, right?
So we're not talking about purity, Barack Obama.
The people he's talking about are people like us, people like me and people like you, who want things like Medicare for all and a living wage and an end to these fucking wars and investing that money back here at home.
That's not called being a purist.
That's called basic human fucking decency.
So whenever these son of a bitches throw that term purist out there, you say, fuck you, it's about basic human decency, you Mitt Romney prick that you are.
So anybody you want to say about Puritans to pursue, does that drive anybody else as nuts as it drives me?
It's driving me loco, okay?
Just so you know, loco in me, Cabeza.
And I just want to point out that here's a man that didn't give me the health care that I deserve, gave me Romney care.
And I just think we're the wealthiest nation in the world.
Why don't we have health care?
Where was the jobs program?
He was in office for eight years.
There's no jobs program.
He wasn't the FDR that we deserved.
He was, I don't, he was Mitt Romney.
And you know what?
I get to judge him and I get to judge his record.
And I am woke.
Yeah.
Thank you very much.
You're right.
Doesn't marr you, that asshole Bill Maher used that term too.
He's a purist.
Yeah.
That you're a purist.
It's like, no, I get to advocate for basic human decency from my politicians.
The question that Barack Obama should be asking is, why aren't, does anybody ever ask him, hey, why do you think the political class turned their back on workers?
Why do you think that happened?
Did he ever ask to answer that fucking question?
It's always, hey, can you think of a way to blame the voters for the shit that we're in?
Yeah, and he does.
He thinks of a way to do it every time.
You're always politically woke and all that stuff.
You should get over that quickly.
The world is messy.
I had to get over hope and change quickly.
I got to get over that.
Because that shit didn't happen.
You know what you mean?
And I also have a problem with the president who's saying, you know, get over being woke when he's a centrist.
I know.
I'm telling you this.
Yes.
He's not woke with a guy who's an admitted Republican.
Stuff I have some flaws.
We're that quickly.
The world is messy.
Is it as messy as the Affordable Care Act?
Am I right?
Come on.
The world is messy.
That's because we fucking bombed the shit out of it for eight years.
Am I right?
The world is messy and there's ambiguities.
This is just such fucking centrist bullshit.
I'm so just like, hey, this is saying we can't fix it.
And I'm so sick of like, oh, these kids today.
These kids today that are doing a global climate strike.
I was just at them one Friday.
There's all these kids.
There's teenagers.
There's 10-year-olds.
There's little seven-year-old girls looking up to Greta, Thunberg.
Holy shit, they're waking the fuck up.
And you're telling him, don't get woke and all these kids today?
Because they're not going to have a future because the world is messy because you had eight years control of the House and Senate for what, two of it?
You could have passed every goddamn environmental law out there and instead he opened the Arctic to drilling twice.
He fracked and he let fucking standing rock happen.
So let's see how this plays out.
That's why the world's messy.
The keystone pipeline that he fucking approved just spilled 380,000 gallons.
That is fucking messy, Barack Obama.
So take your fucking incremental pragmatism and shut the fuck up.
I'm busy, Graham.
That sounds very judgy.
Very judgy.
I know.
I'm so woke living in my one-bedroom apartment since Stephen Nugen took my fucking house.
That's a little fucking messy.
That was my bankruptcy and foreclosure.
Well, fucking messy, Barack.
Fuck you and your Democratic Party.
They can suck It.
Sorry, no jokes there.
Just some anger.
I don't think it's attractive to be bitter.
Graham, we like to get pretend real.
Yeah, you're right.
My fault.
I'm not real real.
Let's bore to this guy.
Hang on.
So if the world is messy, you know, I remember there was a lot of parts of the world that weren't so messy before you started drone bombing the shit out of it.
Libya didn't have open slave markets before you guys took out community.
Messy.
Messy, no.
It's very much.
It's messy.
Now it's a little bit.
Very messy.
You know who doesn't think it's messy?
The bankers, because they cleaned up.
How about that?
Yeah.
Oh, that's good, Jimmy.
That was really good.
Thank you.
Remember that one.
Yeah.
There are ambiguities.
There are ambiguities.
The world is messy.
There are ambiguities.
So $200 for insulin is just an ambiguity.
Because for a second, I thought we were getting screwed.
It's just an ambiguity.
An ambiguity, Graham.
You getting your heart, your house got taken away so they can give the never miss a bonus for the bankers.
That's an ambiguity.
See, like an ambiguity.
Like, on one hand, it's illegal to drone bomb people and it kills 90% civilians, but on the other hand, he did it.
So yeah, it's not going to ambiguity.
So is it ambiguity?
Jimmy, is it ambiguity when you jail more whistleblowers than George W. Bush?
Is that ambiguity when you put Chelsea Manning behind bars?
That's very ambiguous.
What about making his tax cuts permanent?
That was also an ambiguity.
Voters should be more open-minded and look at the world through the eyes of billionaires.
So you know what I'm talking about?
That's what I'm saying.
So Flint, Michigan, still has undrinkable water.
Now, is that kind of messing in an audience?
That's very ambiguous.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, get over it, Flint.
People who do really good stuff have flaws.
Yes, some people do really good stuff, have flaws, and sometimes they torture some folks.
Sometimes they even torture some folks.
That's it.
Some people have flaws.
This is people who really do good stuff has flaws.
For example, Barack Obama bailed out the thieves on Wall Street, but on the other hand, Graham lost his house.
See, people are complicated.
Oh, right.
People are very complicated.
Hey, how many flaws does a person have to have before you stop calling them a good fucking person and just a regular piece of shit?
That's my question.
How many flaws do they have to fucking have?
Eight.
Good people.
Eight.
And they have to appear on Ellen.
Yeah.
That's my favorite CIA asset daytime talk show.
This is a true then and now moment, though.
You know, then.
Yes, we can.
Now.
People have flaws.
Yeah.
And it's interesting that the flaws good people have are the exact flaws bad people have.
Isn't that fucking something?
I don't even know.
The good people want to fuck over workers and the bad people want to fuck over workers.
People who you are fighting may love their kids.
What the hell share certain things with you.
You mean like Mitch McConnell?
You mean people like that?
You mean like Ted Cruz, Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump?
He loves his kids.
I'm sure he loves his kids.
He wants to have sex with one of them.
I'm sure he loves his kids.
Jimmy, do you mean like those people, Barack?
You mean like Diane Feinstein or Nancy Pelosi who became a hundred millionaire while she's been in government?
And the only people who do that are crooks.
You mean people like that, Barack Obama?
Because Harry Truman said the only people who get rich in government are fucking criminals.
But you're saying they're good people who love their children.
So I don't know which one it is.
Maybe they're criminals.
Maybe they're not.
I don't know what the fuck.
But I'm sure it's the voters' fault.
I think if we watch this video backwards, we would get the same amount of information.
Yeah.
And I think that one danger I see among young people, particularly on college campuses, Mali and I talk about this.
Yellow goes to school with my daughter.
Oh, isn't that so heartwarming?
But I do get a sense sometimes now among certain young people, and this is accelerated by social media.
There is this sense sometimes of the way of me making change is to be as judgmental as possible about other people.
And that's enough.
Like if I tweet or hashtag about how you didn't do something right or use the word wrong verb or yeah, that's what it is.
It's those goddamn verb activists.
Those fucking verb activists.
They're always mucking up our corrupt banking system.
So if I tweet or hashtag something, that's rough.
He's saying that that's like snarky and that's not right.
So stagnant wages and out-of-control health care costs and careening college debt aren't the problem.
It's my hashtag tweets.
That's the problem.
So that's why people are mad about all the bombs.
Did he drop a lot of verbs?
Is that what he fucking dropped?
I guess so.
Hang on.
Ben, I can sit back and feel pretty good about myself because, man, you see how woke I was.
I called you out.
I'm going to get on TV.
Watch my show.
Watch Groanish.
You know, that's not activism.
That's not bringing about change.
So to bring about change, according to Barack Obama, you need to stay silent and never criticize people on Twitter.
That's how you bring up.
Is this communist karaoke?
What the fuck is he talking about?
That's what he's saying.
He's literally saying, stop criticizing people on Twitter.
They are good people with kids that they love.
So what that Andrew Cuomo just vetoed a bill to give you legal representation.
So what if Nancy Pelosi won't advocate for health care for you?
So what if they'd rather spend money on bombs on brown people than giving you a living wage or an infrastructure that works or anything or a banking system that works or a healthcare system that works?
Fuck it.
Just don't ever criticize them.
And if you do, you're the bad person.
It's the verb Nazis that are out there.
Those are the bad people.
And leave people like Barack Obama alone.
This is him not being able to accept the fact, the fact that eight years of Barack Obama gave us Donald Trump.
He can't accept this.
That's what this is.
They would not vote for Hillary Clinton, his hand-chosen successor, who would have been fucking shunned from political life, except he revived her goddamn career.
He beat her in 08 and then made her secretary of state.
He didn't have to do that.
And she could have maybe gone away.
But he fucking revived her.
Her hand-picked successor, they wouldn't vote.
And that's, he knows this.
And he knows when the history books are written, that's what they're going to say.
So that's what he's trying to get out in front of right now.
All those counties, all those counties that voted for him twice that then voted for Trump because they were like, they voted the less 85% of the people who voted in the last election said they did it as the lesser of two people.
You can't just say all Trump voters are just fucking Nazi deplorables.
A lot of them said, well, he's batshit nuts, but I will not vote for Hillary Clinton.
That's what happened.
And they just rejected their neoliberal centrist bullshit because they cheated a fucking progressive in their own goddamn primary, man.
That's what it's about.
So you got to really respect when ex-presidents, they take up a big cause, right?
Like Al Gore was climate change.
Jimmy Carter is building houses.
And Barack Obama is policing people's tone on Twitter, right?
Hashtag woke.
I'm not interested in woke, folks, because they're broke.
And what does he make for personal appearances, books?
He makes about a half a million dollars a pop when he does a personal appearance.
That's the guy.
That's the guy.
Woke culture.
I've really called you out.
I want to have what.
So Obama's right, though.
College kids are too politically correct, but at least they're going to be drowning in hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for the rest of their life when he's going to be hanging out on one of his friends' private islands.
So who got the last laugh?
Am I right?
Barack Obama, sticking it right in your ass, college kids.
There you go.
By the way, this was May 1st, 2015.
It says President Barack Obama yesterday said that he may go back to community organizing when he leaves the White House on January 20th, 2017.
He may go, or he may go right to Wall Street.
He may go.
Obama goes from White House to Wall Street in less than a year after failing to prosecute bankers.
Obama cashes in with Wall Street speeches.
The former president is taking in 400 grand per speech that you just asked, 400 grand for a half hour.
For a half hour.
This guy says three speeches in one month, $400,000 a piece.
And somebody asked him, what do you got to do to get paid $400,000 for a speech?
And he said, well, first you have to become president.
Second, don't enforce laws against securities or mortgage fraud.
And when the next recession comes and everyone's going to go, why did this happen again?
It'll be because he didn't pass.
He passed Dodd-Frank, which is a fucking band-aid on his gunshot wound.
He did nothing.
He prosecuted no one.
Another recession is coming.
And it's because nothing fucking happened.
Nothing was done.
Sure.
I mean, that's horrible, but come in.
Aren't those people on Twitter annoying?
Am I right?
Yeah, you're right.
That's what Barack Obama says.
Come on, let's really get to it.
The people on Twitter, they're dicks.
Come on.
We got to fix that first.
Then we'll get to healthcare.
So, by the way, when he said he wanted, I might go back to community organizing.
And then he takes $400,000 a pop.
So I guess what he meant was gated community organizing.
And he said, that's not activism.
Well, this guy says, does placing the criminals who destroyed the economy in charge of fixing it count as activism?
Because that's what Barack Obama did.
Is that his kind of activism?
Dave Anthony says this.
He goes, hard to see the guy who disbanded hundreds of student groups who were ready to hit the streets and fight for him make this point.
So do you guys remember that when he got elected, there was this huge, and they were, and the establishment was afraid that he had this huge army of young people who were willing to go and do anything he wanted them to do.
Go protest, go do this, go get in the street, go send an email to this.
They would have done anything.
He disbanded them.
He disbanded them.
He didn't, like, he had all their emails.
He didn't keep them going.
He didn't keep them as activists.
He disbanded them.
And then Bernie Sanders came along six or eight years later and he got them going.
I love what this guy says.
Nine years after Scott Walker stripped them of a union rights, the public sector workers of Wisconsin are still waiting for Obama to put on a comfortable shoe and walk their picket line like he promised in 2008.
Didn't do it.
What I love is Megan says, this is about this when he says I'm going to go back to community organizing.
She says, this is funny because Barack Obama is in Chicago right now meeting with Lori Lightfoot, the mayor, instead of the Chicago Teachers Union who are on strike right now.
And he's talking about his $500 million presidential center, which he wants to proceed without the proposed community benefits agreement.
So Barack Obama, when he's in Chicago, he's not talking with the Chicago teachers who are on strike.
He's not walking their picket line in Chicago, which is where he is.
He's talking to the mayor because he wants to make sure his fucking library, which the community doesn't want, gets fucking done over their will without a community green benefits agreement.
That's what's happening right now.
That's who Barack Obama is.
And that's your problem.
Don't be so woke.
Don't call him out for it, though.
I'm starting to think Obama isn't very good.
I'm going to go out on that limb.
Good call, Eddie.
By the way, his library, it's making a mockery of transparency.
Half a billion dollar monument to Milk Toastry.
Sounds right.
Half a billion dollars.
That's what they're spending.
The Krotos.
Let's go to this.
By the way, from Architect Magazine in Chicago, it says the University of Chicago's faculty signed a letter opposing the current plans for Obama's presidential center.
So, and there was, I think there was like 100 faculty members signed that letter.
He didn't give a shit.
He ignores them.
According to the criticism, locating the center in Jackson Park as opposed to another spot on the south side of Chicago limits its ability to provide promised development and economic benefits to the surrounding area.
As the letter states, it looks to many neighbors that the only new jobs created will be as staff to the Obama Center since there isn't available adjacent land from which new businesses could benefit.
So they're taking these public lands and they're giving it to Barack Obama so he could put a private thing on top of it, which is fucked up and bullshit that they're a doing that.
And now there isn't even enough land around for other buildings to be built so we could have some kind of economic benefit from this.
And he knows this and he's doing it anyway.
And they've been telling him to move it to another place on the south side that would actually help people instead of just raising everyone's rents, which is exactly what's happening.
And he still doesn't give a shit.
Okay.
So more than 100 University of Chicago faculty members have now penned a letter concerning the Obama Center opposing its plans on economic and preservation grounds.
Obama said, this is from Chicago Reader, no community benefits agreement and let's move on.
He's not doing it.
He's not going to do a community benefits agreement.
You can all go fuck yourselves.
He doesn't care.
And by the way, I tried to go because I knew this was happening.
So I wanted to get some information about it.
And I Googled it, right?
I Googled Barack Obama, no community benefits agreement.
And look what came up.
So that's the new Republic.
The world, was that Worker Socialist website?
Then after that, The Observer.
After that, RT.
And then down there, Reddit.
There's no mainstream news organization that is covering the bullshit of Barack Obama's fucking library.
Isn't that kind of interesting?
And if they are covering, Google has it rigged.
Their algorithm makes it so they don't come up.
That's kind of fucked up, right?
So I guess by community organizing, he just means, I'm going to organize shit in your community whether you like it or not.
Doesn't help you?
Don't care.
So there you go.
I mean, even putting up his library, he's doing it in the most neoliberal way possible.
And then you wonder why we have Trump.
And he'll tell you it's your fault.
And don't talk, talk about me on Twitter.
And it's the low voters and the people who don't get off their couch.
Anyway, so let's move on.
I mean, seriously, Jimmy, you'd think the world would be going crazy that he's doing this.
Just wait until Trump does this.
Yes, Trump's going to get his library too.
Yeah, but he's going to put his on the coast in Florida and it'll be underwater in five years.
Yeah.
But it'll be huge.
It'll be huge.
The best, biggest one.
It'll be the biggest, big, the biggest library flood in the history of ever.
It'll be lots of books and even more pictures.
And the books will have the hugest print.
It'll just be one copy of Hustler.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Woo!
Hello?
It is hot outside.
Who's calling, please?
Jimmy.
Sal Pacito.
Oh, hello, El Pacito.
Why would you possibly be calling me?
Steph likes it.
Hey, you know there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Semerano, and Mark Van Landowicz.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only of the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not not freak.
Do not freak, do not freak out.
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