All Episodes
Previous Next
Oct. 17, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:04:16
20191017_TJDS_20191017_Podcast
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
Hello, this is Jimmy Dore.
Hey, Jimmy, George Clooney here.
Ah, George, how's it going, buddy?
Pancake, I'm doing great.
Got some exciting projects lined up.
Kids are good.
I'm all still stunned.
Still stunning.
What can I say?
I'm stunned.
That's great, buddy.
Stunned and stimulated intellectually, that is, by some new ideas.
Jimmy, were you able to check out the latest issue of GQ magazine?
The new masculinity issue?
No, no, I haven't, George.
Jimmy, they rounded up some of the smartest and coolest tastemakers out there today and asked them what masculinity is in 2019 and how it's changing.
Real smart cats.
Some non-binary folk in there, too.
You heard of this non-binary?
That's a wild ride, Jack.
Yeah.
Yes, George, it is a wild ride.
On the cover, they got Pharrell.
Pharrell Pharrell, that guy?
Wearing just a giant blanket.
Definitely not a three-piece suit.
So forward-looking.
You look like a giant cupcake.
I mean, that wouldn't even occur to me.
I learned, Jimmy, that I'm not even sure that I know what being a man is anymore.
Oh, really?
I used to think that being a man was having a strong jawline, wearing a tuxedo, but with the bow tie untied, and drinking one of the clear liquors.
But none of these cats mentioned any of that stuff as part of masculinity.
I see.
I see what you're saying.
What does masculinity mean to you, Jimmy?
You know, I don't know, George.
I don't really think about it that much.
You know, doing what needs to be done, even if it's difficult, never being afraid to tell the truth, never backing down from a fight, standing up for what's right, defending the little guy.
That inscription got the top of my lungs when I'm annoyed.
Yeah, see, you're more like me, a classic man's man.
But I think that may be on the way out, at least according to GQ.
I mean, I used to be in every issue of that fucking magazine, one way or another.
And they didn't ask me to be part of this masculinity convo.
That's kind of a humdinger.
I'm sure it wasn't personal, George.
Yeah, I guess.
New voices and so on.
Man, my ideas about masculinity are just outdated, I guess.
You know, they had Magic Johnson's kid in there telling us to wear makeup and dresses.
That's what he's about.
And you see that.
You see men showing up to warrant ceremonies, wearing dresses.
Everybody goes bananas.
Yeah, it's a different world than we were when we were young, George.
Jimmy, do you have any dresses?
No, George, I don't have any dresses.
Do you ever wear them?
I mean, borrow them from staff or a nice neighbor lady?
No, no, no.
Yeah, me neither.
Does that mean I hate women?
What do you think, George?
No, but I'm confused.
They also had Hannah Gadsby, that Hannah Gatsby cat.
She's a comedian like you.
Man, she's funny.
Uh-huh.
So goddamn funny.
You could learn some stuff from her.
Anyway, but she said that men should act more like women and just turn masculinity more feminine.
And that women have empathy and men don't.
So we need to learn empathy from women.
Okay.
Jimmy, that kicked me down the stairs.
I thought I knew empathetic men and some very unempathetic women, but it turns out I was living a lie.
No, George, don't worry.
Anyone can possess empathy regardless of their gender.
No, but Jimmy, Hannah Gatsby said that.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
But it doesn't matter.
You are not allowed to disagree with people like Hannah Gatsby.
Jimmy, she did an annette.
And this isn't gentlemen's quarterly.
Okay, George, none of these people are things are gospel, okay?
People have different opinions about this stuff.
People's views on masculinity may be changing, and that's fine, but it doesn't mean you or I have to change anything about ourselves that we don't want to.
I don't know, Jim Jam.
I feel like I need to sail with the winds here, you know.
I don't want to get left behind, become irrelevant.
Hollywood, it'll turn on you quick, man.
Next thing you know, I'm walking around.
People are like, there's a strong jawline guy.
Yeah, I don't think.
I'm not sure if I'm ready to go full on wearing a dress.
But here's what I'm thinking.
A floral hat like Minnie Pearl used to wear.
Remember Minnie Pearl?
She Hawk?
Yeah, George.
But, George, I...
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
I can see the headlines now.
Clooney redefines masculinity yet again.
Back on the cover of GQ, baby.
George, you know, you don't have to.
Gotta go, Applejack.
Me and my fluid masculinity are gonna head out to the floral hat store.
Ciao, baby.
Establishment media sets of artists fighting.
So good luck the bullshit they can't afford by this world.
Watch and see as a jack dog comedian who speeds and jumps comedium and hits him head-on.
It's the Jimmy Door show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
We got a live show, Buffalo, November 5th, and Philadelphia new show added, November 18th.
Plus, we got live shows happening all through November in Hollywood at the Sycamore Tavern.
Go to JimmyDoorcomedy.com for a link for all of our live show tickets.
Now let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
I don't know if you saw the debate, but man, Anderson Cooper seems so disgusted by the whole debate.
You'd think he was in a room full of poor people.
Am I right?
Come on.
I'm glad they started that debate with Joe Biden because they started off with foreign policy.
Hey, let's start with the guy who's gotten it wrong for the last 30 years.
Glad to see Tom Steyer was on the debate stage.
Good to see the marginalized billionaires getting representation.
Am I right?
Come on.
Hey, Liz Warren said as of this morning, she wasn't going to take corporate money.
But you know what they say?
Today's another day.
Am I right, Liz?
Come on.
Come on.
Amy Klobuchar.
Did you see her do that joke about the blue wall that Trump's going to pay for it?
And then that joke fell joke fall flat.
So I can see why Bill Moore likes her so much.
All right, skip that joke.
Hey, I like when Andrew Yang said he didn't support a wealth tax and then started comparing the idea to countries that have completely different tax codes than we do.
You know, you think for $1,000 a month, he could get some better analogies.
Am I right?
Hey, did you see him bring up climate change?
I have to debate.
Me neither.
I mean, they brought it up very briefly.
I caught it on the replay because I blinked the first time.
Pete Buddha.
Did you know that Pete Buddha drives a Chevy and is just a regular Midwestern guy?
Did you know that?
Did you know that he can say, I'm trying way too hard to be relatable in seven different languages.
I thought the best joke of the night was when Joe Biden claimed he beat the NRA.
Am I right?
That was pretty funny.
Did you hear the squad?
The squad is endorsing.
That's Alexandria Casio-Cortez, Ilhan Omer, and Rashid Talib.
They're all endorsing Bernie Sanders.
Isn't that something?
Yeah.
But you know, as Nancy Pelosi says, it's just one district, just three people without any following, just three glasses of water with a D on them.
Nothing big deal.
And CNN's John King was wondering, he talked about this and he wondered out loud if some candidates might argue that Bernie's endorsement from these three women of color, if maybe it's too urban.
And instead of apologizing, he explained he was talking about policy and not color.
Oh, gee, John, I wonder if some people might argue your answer is too gated communities suburban.
And people are upset about Trump pulling troops out of Syria.
But the best thing about America leaving a regime change war for oil in Syria is America can always go back and start another regime change war for oil to help the Kurds who are getting slaughtered because of our previous regime change war for oil.
So it's a win-win.
Hey, Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize 10 years ago this week on hope and change.
His biggest hope was that nobody would notice how much of a change dropping 26,000 bombs a year makes.
Anybody who tells you money isn't important apparently hasn't ever had to replace their car elevator.
What's coming up on this week's show?
Well, I tell the truth about Elizabeth Warren flip-flopping continuously, and I get attacked by a former Clinton DNC consultant.
How does it turn out?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, millionaire journalist and establishment insider wags his finger at progressives to support any blue all the time.
How does it turn out?
The answer just may surprise you.
Ronald Reagan's former budget director says we shouldn't spend so much money on the military, and an entire panel of pro-war Fox News maniacs drops a hammer on him.
Plus, we got phone calls today from George Clooney, David Axelrod, Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney.
Plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Oh.
Hello.
I'm so depressed.
Is this you, Jeb?
Yeah, it's me.
Oh, oh, I'm so depressed.
Well, what's the matter, buddy?
I'm pining away.
Jeb, if this is a medical emergency, you should hang up and call 911 now.
Okay.
Bye.
I'm hanging up now, I guess.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Hello.
Is this 911?
No, it's no, it's October 16th.
That's not funny.
Stop kibitzing.
Jeb, you know this isn't 911.
But they got mad at me.
Why?
They said I was wasting their time.
Hey, world, I have important issues.
I'm pining.
Pining for a more civil time.
Remember when my dad and Bill Clinton met at that two-day education summit 30 years ago?
Not really.
Well, Bill Clinton and I just hosted the 30th anniversary of that two-day education summit at the University of New England in Biddeford, Maine.
That's really close to Goose Rocks Beach.
Did you know that?
No, I didn't.
No.
They call it Goose Rocks because there's a lot of rocks there and geese sit on the rocks a lot.
Then they poop all over them.
Mom used to make me clean the rocks with my toothbrush.
Really?
People used to say that was impossible because of its, you know, covered with thousands of years of goose poop.
But I proved him wrong.
I spent most of my youth out on those rocks when I should have been playing baseball with my friends for dating.
I'm sorry to hear that, Jeb.
No need to feel sorry for old Jeb.
I learned about, I learned a valuable lesson from those long, lonely years of scraping enamel hard white chunks off razor-sharp rocks in the pounding surf.
Well, what was that, Jeff?
I'm so depressed.
So here's Elizabeth Warren being asked.
Now, this is after she came out with her big anti-corruption plan.
She has a plan for that.
And so they ask her is if, if you're a president, would your vice president's kid be able to sit on a board?
So they asked her, and here's what she says.
Would your vice president's child be allowed to serve on a board of a foreign company?
No.
Well, I don't know.
I mean, I have to look at the details.
Do you think that could be a problem?
So when she does this, that's her tell.
I have to go back and look.
I think that's the DNC earpiece.
I think that's like, Stop that right now.
You can't switch your answer.
Tell them you don't know.
I have to go back and look where?
For where the fuck your ethics are?
Is that what you have to go back and look for?
Well, how's that a problem?
Like, would you cheat on your spouse?
No.
I mean, well, I mean, I got to figure that out.
I mean, if I walk by a brothel and I mean, they're free, I mean, I'm not going to go look at, I have to go back and look at our marriage license.
I don't know.
I got to check the clarification on that.
Because, like, if I trip and fall and that girl's blowing me, what am I going to just say no?
I mean, let's not be crazy.
I had to get back to the airport as a wind sock to bring small aircraft in.
So, you know what?
I just want to say that.
Can you point to that guy right there?
That's Ron Pacone with hair.
No, before a haircut.
Before a haircut.
Trump is right there covering it for the Shibidor show.
Back to you, Jim.
I want to know why this guy's wearing a fake beard in the back because that ain't a real beard.
You know how beards are.
Don't get me started.
But he's really looking at her like, I wonder what she would taste like with barbecue sauce.
So she's going to lose to Trump if she's the nominee because Trump can bait her into doing the craziest stuff.
Like this, she had to say this.
I am not a person of color.
I am not a citizen of a Trump.
You know what, Jimmy?
Her DNA doesn't even agree with her.
I know.
Here she was being asked.
So she really did push that she was part Native American.
Like, it was a big deal for her.
And she was asked, Well, what are you going to do for the Native Americans?
This is when she was running for Senate.
My question to you is: if you are elected, you would be Massachusetts first female senator.
I would be.
Would you be now?
She's master at not answering a question directly.
Now, most politicians do this.
And if you're a really good politician, you can do it without making people notice that you're not answering their question.
And in fact, they feel good about what you said.
That's Barack Obama.
Now, she doesn't, you see it right away.
She has watched it.
Massachusetts first Native American senator.
I would be their first senator, so far as I know, who has Native American heritage.
Would you do anything for Native American issues when in office?
Oh, listen.
I'm working on what happens to America's families.
That's what I've been working on for 25 years.
So she didn't say yes.
I don't know if you noticed.
Are you going to do anything to help Native Americans?
Oh, I've been working.
She didn't answer the question, and she pivoted to I'm working for all families.
I'm not a professional politician, but this is exactly what pulled me into this race.
Would you work for any Native American issues?
I believe that what's happening to America's families includes all families.
All the people out there who work hard and play by the rules and who realize they're just getting slammed.
The cost of an education is going up.
So that's it.
So she just says, Oh, I'm going to work for all.
Yes, I'm going to work for all families.
And this guy says, She just all lives mattered, Indigenous families after claiming the heritage.
That's what she did.
Are you going to help Native Americans?
I'm going to work for all families.
That's exactly it.
Hey, you're going to help Black Lives Matter.
I'm going to have all lives matter.
That's exactly what she did.
And the way she said, listen, make me think she was going to at least acknowledge their specific oppression, but nah, no, she didn't.
So that's, I mean, so that shit is out there.
There's stuff like this all over.
I didn't have to look that hard to find stuff like this.
And of course, the disqualifier for me was when she stood up and applauded for Donald Trump at the State of the Union when he said we're not a socialist country.
And she stood up and applauded for that fucking guy.
Could you imagine in the history of your life you would stand up and applaud for Donald Trump?
Now guess who didn't stand up?
I don't know if you noticed.
All right.
There's also Tim Kaine next to her, big old smile on his face.
Man, I love capitalism.
But in fairness to him, he is clapping in Spanish, so.
Diversity.
You know, I've been waiting for a video that's going to be released that, you know, Elizabeth Warren admits that she was like a pregnant Native American progressive who got fired from her job.
And I love how she said, like, and we got to get these, we got to have these lobbyists affect politicians.
You mean like your daughter giving $45,000 to the working people to endorse your fucking mom?
Is that what you're talking about?
That lobby girl?
Graham, the people don't know about this fact.
Do you guys know about the fact he's talking about it?
Graham, tell them.
So her daughter, who does a lot of lobbying for Pfizer, one of the big healthcare industries or something like that?
They gave.
You tell me you have all the facts.
Her daughter gave $45,000 to the Working Families Party, Working Families Party, and that's weird.
Then all of a sudden they endorsed her over Bernie Sanders.
Isn't that weird how that, how lobbying works when your daughter, like, I don't know, Hunter Biden, you know what I mean?
That's how they did it.
That's how everyone was so shocked.
Remember, we all went, why is it working families endorsing fucking Liz Warren?
That's why.
$45,000.
I have no opinion about that.
Hold on.
Chuck Todd will say that's a crazy conspiracy theory.
Yes.
That's what they do now.
So if there's a fact that they don't like, like, hey, Hunter Biden had a job on an energy board in Ukraine, and they go, that's a crazy conspiracy theory.
It's like, no, that's not, that's a fucking fact that that happened.
And Elizabeth Warren's daughter did donate the 45 grand to the work.
These are all things that actually happened.
These aren't conspiracy theories.
Yeah, so that's a conspiracy theory.
But like Rachel Maddow going, somebody knew somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody who ate Borscht.
Ah, fucking Russia, Russia, Russia.
Yeah, Chuck Todd also isn't convinced that climate change is real.
That's right.
That's where he's at.
People don't know that about Chuck Todd, but we do because we actually have to watch that piece of shit.
So here is, so here, the problem with Elizabeth Warren, it all started when she, well, the big problem started when she signaled she was going to take big money and dark money in the general.
And here she says.
You don't believe in unilateral disarmament.
So does this only apply in the primaries?
Or will you carry this over the general election or any other election you'll have going forward?
So this is for primaries.
Look, I do not believe in unilateral disarmament.
We need to win.
Okay, all right.
You know, like last time.
Remember how last time we won because we spent twice as much money as Donald Trump did?
Oh, wait, we fucking lost last time.
And we spent twice as much money as Donald Trump did.
I guess that's not how it works.
I guess we should try something else.
Nope.
Same shit.
Try the same shit.
This is her whole, this is the way she operates.
She is such an amazing progressive Trojan horse because she talks the progressive game.
Remember when she wagged her finger at the Wells Fargo guy and everyone went, yeah, the guy walked out with a $124 million severance plan.
I will wear a goddamn speedo and a tutu and you can fucking kick my ass with a boot for $124 million goddamn dollars.
She's going to resist Trump.
We just saw her standing.
She gave $80 billion to his war machine in October of 2017.
She is such skilled at being a fake progressive and she knows because of identity politics, no one's going to make fun of her age because they'll be called ageist and sexist, but you can do that about Bernie Sanders.
Yeah, wow.
You sound...
You were borderline sexist.
Yeah!
Ha!
Borderline sexist.
So watch this.
So now she took a lot of heat from, by the way, so there's this guy, Adam Green, who runs the Progressive Change Campaign Committee.
You've seen him on TV.
He goes on the talk shows a lot.
And so I bumped into him at the debates in Miami.
And I asked him about this.
I go, hey, what's with Elizabeth Warren?
Because he walks around.
He has a lapel on his pin on his lapel that says Warren Wing, meaning he's representing, and they've endorsed her.
And I said, hey, what's with Elizabeth Warren taking the dark money in the general?
And he goes, what are you talking about?
Like, are you in fucking sixth grade?
Are you really doing this?
He goes, I don't know what you mean.
I go, you know, the interview she did with Jink where she said she's going to take the money.
I didn't see it.
That's your, I go, that's your answer?
You're going to fucking pretend she didn't say it.
He goes, and I go, could you come on my show?
And he won't come on my show.
And so I send him DMs on Twitter, and I just say, boo, all the time.
He does.
He does.
I do.
And then he's, and then I said to her, I go, this is, he goes, it's dumb to say something about, and I said, it's dumb to think that dumb guys like me don't see right through fucking guys like you.
That's what I told her, because it pisses me off that guys who are smarter than me try to bullshit me right to my face.
When someone does that to me, I don't know.
I just want to swear at them, you know?
And he's, I'm like, you're just going to swear at me.
Anyway, so here's what she did.
She goes, in a shift, Elizabeth Warren now says she will not do big money fundraising events if she's the Democratic nominee.
She had previously said her ban only applied to the primary.
I was like, oh my, now, so she's finally going to admit that she was going to take it.
And now she's going to say she wasn't going to take it.
So now, and then I said, hey, guess what?
New shift, Elizabeth Warren now says she will do big money fundraising events now that she's the nominee and Sanders has endorsed her.
And that's what's coming in July 30th of 2020.
Lays a jump.
Don't you think, are you afraid that that will happen if she gets the nomination?
She'll go, you know what?
I wasn't going to take the big money, but son of a gun, we can't use an alarm with all the good ones.
We got to win.
This is too important.
This is too important.
We got to win.
Elizabeth Warren's campaign clarifies she will raise big dollar money for the party as the nominee.
She just fucking flip-flopped again.
So here's how it goes.
I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing.
And that is funding my campaign in the primary and in the general through small dollar donations.
I think this is critically important to building a grassroots movement and to rebuilding our democracy.
At the same time, I'm not asking our state parties or our national party to unilaterally disarm.
I'm going to help them raise money in 2018.
So she's going to help the parties raise money.
And then she goes on to say all the money she raised for the party.
So then, I don't know if you know, but this is what Graham was alluding to.
My buddy gave me a heads up.
He says, Jimmy, she's going to use the state Democratic Party's loophole.
This is her signal.
You need to do a story on this.
By doing this, donors are able to donate more than the $2,700 limit.
It's Hillary all over again.
And if you remember, Clinton fundraising leaves little for state parties.
The sub headline is the Democratic Frontrunner says she's raising big checks to haypes to help state parties committees, but they've gotten to keep only 1% of the $60 million.
That's another scandal that never gets talked about in the Hillary Clinton campaign of 2016.
So remember, the Hillary Victory Fund is a so-called joint fundraising committee comprised of Clinton's presidential campaign, the Democratic National Committee, and 32 state party committees.
The setup allows Clinton to solicit checks of $350,000 or more from her super rich supporters.
And that's what that George Clooney fundraiser was with $50,000.
I thought I kept misreading it.
$350,000 a plate.
So she went and did those dinners instead of going to Milwaukee or any place in Michigan.
That's what she was doing.
And then she would go to Texas and Arizona and campaign down there.
And so now Elizabeth Warren is signaling she's going to do the same goddamn thing because they always have a joint fundraising committee.
It'll be the Hillary, you know, the victory fund for Elizabeth Warren and the Democratic Party.
And they're going to do that.
And that's what she's saying.
I'm going to raise the money from the same fucking people.
I'm saying I'm not.
So that's her sneak out of this.
And that's shitty.
I think that's shitty.
I'll throw it over to my panel.
Well, I mean, she's so good at giving the little signals, right?
She says, we need to green up the military.
That's telling the war machine, don't worry, kids, business as usual might put some veggie oil into a Humvee or two, but the fucking war machine is going to crank forward.
That's all she's doing.
And all the other thing, and this is such a great loophole.
That's, well, I'm not taking any super PAC money.
This is another way.
They don't take super PAC money.
So that's how, like, Steve Mnuchin just gave a check out of his own personal account to support Kamala Harris.
See, he just, he's just an individual citizen.
Like, there's no fucking strings attached.
Like, we're goddamn warrants.
Everything she says is a little like, like, men are care for all.
I mean, we need to have other private options.
She's telling the private insurance industry, don't worry, I got your back.
So when I become the nominee, I will take care of all of you.
And then you'll watch me get crushed by Trump.
Yeah.
We called those smoke signals.
So Elizabeth Warren actually then even clarified, so they sent out a statement to clarify what her position is.
You want to see it?
There it is.
I don't fucking know.
I don't have time.
I don't have time.
Do you have time?
Because I don't have time.
When Elizabeth, the demon, for La Liz, okay, fuck, all right.
Believe me, it's going to be changed tomorrow and be clarified next week, and then we'll see at the debate.
But this guy, this guy, Rufus Gifford, right?
That is quite a name.
That is quite a name.
Rufus Gifford, he worked for Obama for 10 years.
And when she said that she wasn't going to take any big money, he tweeted this out.
Oh, the Democratic Party just went bankrupt.
This is a colossally stupid decision, not just for Democratic chances to win back the White House, but for all Democrats up and down a ticket if she sticks to it.
So he's saying, God, you got to be corrupt.
If you don't get in bed with the people who are screwing over the people you want to vote for you, you're doing it wrong.
He goes, and then people got mad at him and let him know on Twitter.
He goes, well, it seems I've touched a nerve.
Two things.
I would welcome Warren as our nominee and work like hell to elect her.
I don't welcome political decisions that make that harder.
And number two, it's hilariously stupid that Obama-era establishment figure is now a pejorative on the left.
You know what I think is stupid, Rufus?
I think it's stupid that Barack Obama developed a banking plan that kicked 5.1 million fucking families out of their house at the same time he was giving trillion dollars to Wall Street to make them whole.
I think that's fucking ridiculous.
And that's why you guys are now a pejorative.
I think it's ridiculous that when you had a super majority, a fucking super majority in the House and Senate and you had the White House, you instituted a right-wing healthcare plan fucking anyway.
I think that's ridiculous because you just left 30 million people out of your universal health care plan.
So go fuck yourself, Rufus.
Thank you.
Well, Jimmy, it appears I touched a nerve.
By the way.
What are you doing touching my fucking nerve?
Get off my actual nerves, mangele.
And hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon leak because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week.
And it's a great way to help support the show.
You could do it by going to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Clicking on join premium.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
And it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards.
Thanks for everybody who was already a premium member.
And if you haven't, you're missing out.
We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
So this is David Stockman, and he used to be Ronald Reagan's budget director.
And I'm going to show you how far the country has shifted right.
David Stockman, again, he hasn't shifted.
He stayed exactly how he was, a crazy Reaganite.
But he's now the voice of reason on Fox Business.
Watch this.
They talk about defense spending.
The Treasury is going to be borrowing in the coming year because of all this spending, all this defense increase, unfunded tax cut, $1.2 trillion.
Put those two together.
You got $1.8 trillion of homeless government debt going into the bottom of the bank.
Did you not put money into the military?
Should we have not put money into the military?
They should be asked to find better ways to use what they already have.
Wow.
He already sounds more sane than anybody else I've heard on TV in five years.
He's like, we shouldn't have done the tax cut, and we shouldn't spend more money on the military.
Watch how they go after him.
Watch this.
Do you have any idea how many accidents happened in the Navy this year?
Do you have any idea how many planes cannot fly because they're not capable because we've starved the military?
Do you have any idea?
We starve the military.
You know, we spend more than the next 13 countries combined on our military.
We're spending $715 billion a year.
That's, you know, at the height of the Iraq war, we were spending $500 billion.
Now we're spending $715 billion.
That is a 40% increase in the military's budget.
Have we had a 40% increase in food stamps, 40% increase in Medicare, 40% in energy?
No other bill.
40% increase since the height of the Iraq war.
And she's saying we're starving them.
This is, I can't parody this.
This is already crazier than I could make it as a comedy bit.
Where the guy from the Reagan administration is being treated like a hippie.
Watch this.
I've heard all that, but the obvious answer is: don't have so many missions.
Don't be bombing Syria.
Don't be mucking around in the middle of the money.
Don't turn our face when he uses chemicals.
What the fuck?
Can you believe this?
He's the guy.
Again, I'll keep it going.
It's already proven that that was totally a hoax.
That is no.
So you say Siri did not.
Bam!
Look at that, a nice principled right-winger who actually says the truth about Syria.
That's fucking, if you say the truth about Syria, they do you what they did to Tulsi, what they do to me.
They call you names, they smear you.
Watch what they do.
They do that to him right now.
Watch that.
Use nerve guess.
I think there's a likelihood of that is practically zero.
There's plenty of evidence coming out of there right now that there was bombing going on.
It's a civil war.
There were huge dust clouds.
People were.
Now you've lost me, David.
You lost me.
Well, you lost me.
Yeah, you lost me.
You lost me at the intersection of paid corporate head and CIA talking point.
You lost me.
This is the budget director from the Reagan administration is complaining we're spending too much on the military.
It's like Paula Dean complaining that there's too much butter in her cake.
Butter.
Butter.
It's narrative.
Todd is a good guy.
No, they're all bad guys.
We have no dog in that hunt on either side.
The people who said there was a gas attack are jihadist head choppers.
I mean, are we going to believe them?
They're the ones that put out the videos.
Can you believe he's telling this kind of truth?
Of course, they all disagree with him.
Everybody's like, this guy, all these videos are fake.
It's been very well analyzed if you just look outside of the mainstream media.
Uh-oh.
Thank you.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Wow.
Those fucking Reaganite hippie longhairs, man.
Conspiracy theorists.
Conspiracy theorists.
To unravel here because what you're saying is there's too much spending.
We know that the omnibus was a bust, but they were forced to do it because they wanted to put money into the military.
But your position is that don't put more money into the military.
And that's, I don't know that you can do that.
I can easily, Maria, I can do that because there's $600 billion before they added 80.
If they wanted to prioritize spending, if they wanted to stop wasting all the money we're wasting, buying new weapon systems we don't need, like aircraft carriers.
Why in the hell do we need $13 trillion aircraft carriers?
A mayor of McCall's in town is in the States.
You can go talk to him about this being a hoax.
I have a couple.
I have a couple of reasons.
What the fuck?
Did you hear that?
Well, Macron is in the United States right now.
You can go talk to him about this being a hoax.
Why would you take it personally like he just cheated on you or something?
Well, I saw you talking to that bitch, Morella, and I'm going to, I'm not.
That's what she sounds like.
I liked her Tootsie impression.
And so now Maria Buttafuco is going to give you three reasons.
Three reasons why we need to keep spending on the military.
Ready?
Here we go.
Kim Jong-un, Bashar al-Assad, Iran?
Those are three reasons for you.
Well, Bashar al-Assad is no threat whatsoever to the United States.
He never harmed us, couldn't harm us.
It's irrelevant.
The Iranians, actually, we could live with if we would stop trying to treat them as a pariah nation.
And you notice, Maria Buttafuco doesn't have a fucking thing to say back to that.
She's drinking.
Well, shit, I don't have any facts.
I guess this other hysterical woman's going to keep shaming him for having an opinion.
I'll just drink because I can't say there's nothing to say back to that.
She's not saying what.
It keeps going.
Hey, the fat guy to our point of these debt problems.
The market's forward-looking.
Why isn't it pricing in all these things?
Because the market, they know how much.
Because your beloved Fed has so ruined the markets that they priced.
I don't think I'm going to be able to do that.
Give me a break.
David, you're trying to take these extreme positions on everything.
These extreme positions.
You don't want to bomb countries that aren't a threat to us.
You want to rein in the military spending?
You don't want to have a trillion-dollar tax cuts for people who don't need it?
You are a fucking radical.
Yeah, and the law.
I mean, when he said he just made your beloved Fed, that was like, oh, Get him the fuck off of the screen right now.
Cut to a commercial.
Next thing you know, he's going to want to give health care to people.
You're losing us.
When you were on the spending thing, we agreed, but I mean, you know, trashing the military and all this.
I'm not talking the military.
I'm trashing our leaders who are putting the military in harm's way where they don't need to be.
Thank you.
A room full of lefty progressives chairing Reagan's budget director.
That's how fucked up the world is right now.
And now you know why I'll always have a show.
There's more to this.
There's more to this, Cliff.
It's a big difference.
Why are we in Germany 40, 50 years after the Cold War ended 25 years?
Why are we still in the Korean Peninsula?
We should be out of those places.
You're also calling our military leaders and our leaders in Washington a bunch of liars that we bought, that we had these airstrikes and everybody knows it was a hoax.
It's this great global hoax.
It's a giant conspiracy theory.
You know what?
Why conspiracy theories never get done?
Why is she, why is she, isn't it funny?
is still talking i saw the pictures with your dick out That's the level of her emotionality.
It's completely disconnected from what they're talking about.
And she's upstairs.
You're saying that our intelligence community are all a bunch of liars.
Well, they are all a bunch of liars.
And he's going to prove it to her right now.
Nobody would ever get on the same page like that.
Would they write about WMD?
Bang!
Bang!
Is there any proof that the first time a year ago that there was actually a democratic?
Should we just forget about who has nuclear capabilities and just go it alone and not even worry that these maniacs out there have capabilities to destroy the world?
Canadians don't have nuclear capability.
They agreed to a long-term agreement and we got a president now who wants to blow up the agreement.
Well, they got the cash anyway.
They got those bags.
It was actually $50 billion.
Maria, it was their money that had been sitting in an account for 36 years gathering interest.
David, thank you.
Thank you so much.
David, stop from there.
Wow.
She kept moving the GoPost.
She was like, yeah, they have nuclear capital.
Oh, no, actually, they don't.
All right.
Well, they have money.
What's with these countries and their money?
They might do something with it.
But more than inform us, they are training us how to act when we hear news.
That is behavior training.
They're pet training you.
When you hear it, oh, you know what?
I've had enough.
La la la, enough.
I'm so done with this.
And data's bouncing off their head now and not being received anymore.
It's a very clever behavioral trick.
I have, because I'll see friends of mine using that.
It's like, oh, yeah.
You can't even do the same hand move.
It's like a scene from Idiocracy with electrolytes and shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So here's, no, this is the thing everybody's talking about.
So she told two different stories about how she got fired when she was a special needs teacher, right?
So here's the one she tells now.
This is what she tells me.
Teaching special needs kids is a calling.
But I finished the first year visibly pregnant.
And back in those days, it meant you didn't get invited back.
Now, that's a true thing that happened to a lot of women.
And that's a horrible thing.
And we all share in the outrage and that we should fight against it.
And that shit still happens today.
No one is denying that's a real thing.
Nobody's denying that's horrible.
Nobody's denying that happened.
We all agree.
But why would you lie about it?
You didn't have to make up the story because now it looks like she did.
Why?
Hang on, here we go.
Teaching special needs kids is a calling.
But I finished the first year visibly pregnant.
And back in those days, it meant you didn't get invited back.
That's how it was.
So I worked.
It was in a public school system, but I worked with the children with disabilities.
And I did that for a year.
And then that summer, I actually didn't have the education courses.
So I was on an emergency certificate, it was called.
And I went back to graduate school and took a couple of courses in education and said, I don't think this is going to work out for me.
And that's it.
So those are two different stories.
And she's making it up in line.
This is not how you beat Trump if what you're running on is I'm a more moral person than Trump, which is what they're running on.
I'm not a liar.
He's a liar.
He's breaking the norms.
I'm going to do the norms.
Now, if you don't know who she is, she's the head of the teachers' union, Randy Weingarten, and I'm not a fan of hers because she endorsed Hillary Clinton over Bernie Sanders last time.
And when I went out and covered the campaign, all the teachers I met said that they never pulled the teachers.
They never asked them who they wanted to endorse.
That was a top-down decision.
And she just did it.
Was that correct, Steph?
That is correct, JD.
Thank you very much.
So that's more of that rigging the primary.
That's her saying the teachers are, the teachers weren't fucking for Hillary Clinton.
The teachers were for Bernie Sanders because they know something about history, especially the Clintons history.
So that's why teachers were for Bernie.
She said, fuck you.
So I'm not a fan of hers, even though she's a union leader.
And so now she tweeted this out.
She goes, this happened to all women.
This happened to women all the time.
Why the attacks on Elizabeth Warren?
You know why the attacks?
Because she told two different stories about it.
And she's running against Trump.
And he's going to eat her alive.
He's going to show that she's fucking lying about this.
Okay.
That's why the attacks.
The attacks, you mean holding someone accountable for the fucking story they tell on the campaign trail is now an attack because she's a woman.
Anyway, many women would also leave knowing they would be fired.
Elizabeth Warren stands by account of being pushed out of her first teaching job because of pregnancy.
That doesn't help.
You're not helping her.
You're not helping Democrats.
This hurts.
Any independent person who's leaning Trump sees this and goes, they're all fucking liars.
They all make up shit.
They're just as corrupt as Trump.
And now they're going to protect their own.
They're just like Fox News.
They're all the same.
And you know why?
Because they're all the fucking thing.
That's why.
And so I said that because she's on tape saying that's not what happened.
But thanks for gaslighting us.
It's a great way to oppose a liar by lying and then lying about lying.
Please quit lying.
It only helps Trump, you fucking integrity challenge morons.
Thank you.
There seems to be a lot of women applauding in here.
I don't know if you know, but that's sexist.
So then out of nowhere, some blue check guy, I thought that's not controversial to say what I said.
I didn't think that was controversial at all.
The whole room just applauded for me, progressives.
And it also happens to be the truth, which gives it that extra oomph, as Bill Hicks used to say.
And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this blue check guy named Cliff Schechter.
I don't know.
First of all, that's a great profile pick.
I guess he was on his way to play the lead in the Paul Lynn movie.
And he says, maybe you should go back to whatever you did before straining your intellect to try politics.
All the nastiness, Jill Steinery and Seth Rich conspiracies of yours can't hide the fact you're in way over your head to paraphrase you, you fucking intellectually challenged moron.
But he took out the you, so it's not offensive.
He took out the you.
I'm not making that up.
He took out the you.
So it's not a fact.
I guess I don't know what that is.
So I looked up who that guy, that guy is, and he's a former Clinton staffer, DNC consultant, who now does PR work.
He's a PR guy.
And this guy goes, this is the Clintonist tweet I've seen all day.
Look at this.
Oh.
I see.
Oh.
I still want to know what Jill Steinery is.
Jill Steinery.
Whoa, that's a little green dealie, Green New Dealy, Jimmy.
Sounds a little shifty.
You like someone who's outside the two major parties.
That's a little shifty.
I think we should have, I'm going to take your name down and give it to the cops.
This is all working on narrative control.
It's controlling the narrative.
You can make anything, and I can teach you how to make anything good sound bad.
Puppies?
Puppies.
Smear it out.
Puppy.
Environmentalism, Jill Steinery.
So I tweeted.
Did you want to say something, Ron?
Well, I was going to say you were sounding a little bit Ralph Nadery over there.
So I tweeted this on.
I go, hey, former Clinton DNC consultant takes a break from defending Clinton lying to defend Warren Lyon.
Nice to know that a Jagoff nightclub comedian in his garage gets under your skin just by telling the truth.
They're allergic to the truth.
And he's, I mean, that explains his profile picture, though.
He's a Clinton consultant, so he needed to have a picture with his hand in his mouth because he was so sick of always having his foot in his mouth.
Bam!
You're sorbet.
But he's such a bad Clinton consultant.
He actually consulted for Bill Clinton.
He was on Epstein's plane 26 times.
He said it was only four, so God only knows what other evil shit that fucking said he was on Epstein's plane four times, which is horrible.
How many times was he on it?
26.
26.
Oh, his wife, Hillary, was on flight logs indicate twice she was on his planes.
So that's just fun.
And Jillene Maxwell, who was, of course, accused by two women of raping and trafficking them, two years after they settled out of court, she went to whose wedding?
Oh, Chelsea Clinton's wedding.
So Hillary invited a pedophile sex trafficker to the wedding that she had with her husband who's a pedophile for her fucking horrifying daughter.
Anyway, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to jump in there with my Jill Steinery.
That's a conspiracy theory, Graham.
I know.
Those flight logs are a conspiracy theory.
I know it's a flight log, but I just say conspiracy theory because it's a flight log I don't like.
Yeah.
That's what the FAA is, the Federal Aviation Administration.
It's a bunch of fucking whackadoo conspiracy theorists.
See, what I heard happen was they asked Bill Clinton there.
They were like, were you on it 26 times or four times?
And he said, nah.
And they just said, nah.
I wasn't even active in pedophilia then.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
So Jim Earl, who writes for the show, Emmy Award-winning writer, did a little, he went to this guy, Cliff Schechter's, because I don't know who the hell this guy is.
He went to his Wikipedia page.
First of all, his Wikipedia page says that he was a regular on the TYT radio show.
I never heard of that guy.
I asked everybody at TYT.
Nobody's ever heard of that fucking guy.
Isn't that funny that it's on his Wikipedia page?
He was a regular on TYT.
Nobody's ever heard of him.
Steve-O, never heard of him.
Malcolm, never heard of him.
Never heard of him.
I swear to God.
So Jim Earl went to his Wikipedia page and says, according to his Wikipedia bio, Cliff is considered to be a progressive.
That's what it says on his Wikipedia.
He's considered to be a progressive, has a reputation as a proponent of progressive politics and became politically active out of college as a progressive.
So naturally, he went to work for Wall Street and Bill Clinton.
Jim Earl, ladies and gentlemen, fantastic joke.
There's more.
Jim Earl's just getting warmed up.
Progressive Cliff worked with Accenture, a $40 billion company noted for hiding money from the IRS in Bermuda, charging the government $297 million to hire 7,500 border agents and progressively abusing workers suffering from PDSD with Trumpian non-disclosure agreements.
Also, Cliff, this is his LinkedIn profile.
He says, I'm a motivated professional and entrepreneur who works in a growing space where passion and creativity meet at the intersection of public relations and presentation and branding.
Translation, I do a fuckload of spam emails.
The best is what Jim goes, Cliff, you are the Ellen DeGeneres of Hillary Clinton Progressive.
Yes.
God bless you, Jim Earl.
And then everybody just pounced on him, right?
So everybody pounces on this guy on my Twitter thread.
This guy, if you think Jimmy Door's out of his league, then go on his show or invite him on one of your choosing to discuss it with him if you have the balls.
He does not have the balls.
He will never come on my show.
The reason why I can humiliate a guy like that Cliff Schechter.
The reason why it's easy to humiliate him and best him is because he's on the wrong side of the issue.
Not because I'm smarter.
I'm certainly more clever, funny, and have a better personality.
You forgot better looking.
You're better looking.
Well, that's obvious.
But I'm not smarter than him.
It's just that I'm not a sell-out cocksucker and I have a spine.
I'm not fucking challenged.
My integrity isn't challenged.
I haven't spent my entire adult life rationalizing working for bloodthirsty maniacs.
That's what I haven't done that.
I get to tell my truth because nobody owns me and nobody's my boss.
I don't have a job and I don't work for a fucking corporation and I don't want to work for a corporation, which is why it's so easy for me to take down a puke like fucking Cliff Schechter, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, Jimmy.
And that's why he'll never come on my show, ever.
And I know he's watching.
The one thing I know for sure is that that fucking guy is watching this video right now.
And that fucking pussy will never come on my show.
Ever.
Ever.
But Jimmy Everett, that's how easy it is for a dummy like me to own those pieces of shit because they're on the wrong side of the issues.
They're fucking wrong.
It doesn't take intellect to know when you're wrong.
It just takes integrity.
And I've got a fucking bucket load for you, Cliff.
That's all it takes.
Jimmy, if he ever does come on the show, though, you have to read that boring ass LinkedIn bio in a David Axerod voice.
That's how you gotta introduce him.
So now, so now after I retweeted him and I said that, I said they're alert, he came back.
Oh, no.
He comes back.
He goes, LOL, Jim Boy.
I love when they put boy in there.
I guess that's my pronouns.
I'm using boy.
LOL, Jim Boy.
I couldn't give two shits about you.
He still can't swear.
I think he's still in Catholic school.
I don't give two shits about you.
I know that's why you keep responding on my thread because you don't give a shite.
Though glad it makes you happy to think you're owning the libs.
How G-O-P.
So now if I humiliate him publicly and point out what an empty vessel he is, now that's me being like a GOPer.
That's what he's saying.
Oh, yeah, you bested me just like Republicans.
Yeah, anybody can fucking bet.
Louis Gomert could best you.
Cliff, you're on the wrong side.
He goes, I responded because you bullied in personal terms a trailblazing woman leader and out lesbian back when it wasn't a safe choice.
Classy, give your fellow Brocefs a high five.
First of all, Brocefs from a white guy named Cliff?
Really?
Hey, Cliff, which billionaire employer of yours has the best tasting boots?
So I retweeted his stupid tweet and I said, former Clinton DNC consultant takes break from defending Clinton line to defend Warren lying by hiding behind identity politics while virtue signaling.
Holding a union leader accountable for lying is now bullying because she's gay.
Can't believe these people lost to Trump.
Unbelievable.
That's so, so just so you know, you're why, because I know, Cliff, you're still watching this video.
We all do.
And so does your wife.
Don't let your wife watch it because when you catch her laughing at this video, it'll ruin your marriage.
Yeah, did you hear that, Broseph?
As someone who came out at 16 years old in 1981, long before Randy Weingarten did in her comfortable protective bubble during the AIDS crisis, because I thought it was important to be out and had some family disown me and wound up in the hospital from gay bashing, I'm calling bullshit.
Yeah, he's calling bullshit on you, Cliff.
Yeah, that was a bullshit.
So I'll let me throw it to my panel.
Oh, but anyway, he says, way to Dodge, you weren't nice to a corrupt, dishonest, powerful official who happens to be gay.
Douchebags don't get kid gloves, and neither will you.
Enjoy the ratio.
Jimmy's a goddamn national treasure.
Thank you.
Made the classic error.
Made the class.
He went after a comedian.
You're the stupidest fuck on earth if you attempt a comedian.
It instantly inverts on you.
The universe just hates you suddenly.
Just attacks you.
You're done.
Boom.
Out of your house, stupid.
You attacked a comic.
We have this weird comedy Teflon Shield.
Well, what are you going to do?
I'm just a comic.
But you're not following all the dictates of the news networks and all that.
And you're also sinking to the pavement.
This guy says, I love identity politics.
I love how they matter more than the facts at hand.
No one said she's untruthful because she's a woman, and no one says she's a lesbian, therefore she's wrong.
So there you go.
Fuck you.
And I couldn't give two shits about you.
And to prove it, I'm reading and replying.
Just lying to yourself.
You absolutely care what Dorr says it represents.
He threatens your elite status and self-serving agenda, which is deeply unpatriotic.
All I know is that you are way out of your league trying to fuck with a comedian with nothing to lose on Twitter.
He's a pawn hired to punch down for his masters, thinking he's one of them.
Using identity politics as a smear to hide the fact that he supports the haves versus the have-nots.
But we outed you.
We're outing you, Cliff.
This video will be the only one that ever features you that's ever made in the history of the world.
And this is the one that everyone's going to see.
And we got to be here first.
Turn on TV.
Hi, Cliff.
Hey, Cliff.
Hey, buddy.
Don't forget to add Pond who punches down for your masters to your LinkedIn profile.
What's it like working for Wall Street warmongering pedophiles?
I'll tell you what.
And now, Cliff, a dumb guy like me who's in way over his head is going to educate you on how shitty the Democratic Party is via Dylan Radigan.
Now, you know, Dylan Radigan was the guy who told the truth about the banks on MSNBC, and now he has to do his news reports from a dentist office.
So here you go, Cliff, because I know you're still watching.
Listen up.
The Democrats.
The Democrats want you to believe that their party is, of course, wonderful and fabulous and wants to help to save the world and all the rest of this.
And they want you to believe that the only problem with the American political system is the Republicans and more importantly, the corruption of the American political system and the Republicans by the Russians.
This, of course, would be the most horrible thing that could come from the current political situation.
Because if we allow the Democratic Party to convince anybody, ridiculous they've even convinced themselves, that the primary issue of the American political process is Donald Trump and the Republicans, that validates Their capacity to sustain themselves in a disgusting and corrupt fashion.
The reality is the only reason we have Donald Trump as our president and these horrendous Republicans is because of the unadulterated failure and corruption in the Democratic Party.
Think about how bad, how unappealing, how offensive Barack Obama and ultimately Hillary Clinton had to be to the American population in order for them to even remotely begin to choose someone like Donald Trump as a better alternative.
Think about how bad people have to view the level of corruption in the Democratic Party to think of Donald Trump as a remotely preferable alternative.
Donald Trump is terrible.
The Republicans are offensive beyond comprehension.
But the solution is not the Democrats.
The solution is a final terminal bypass of these two utterly corrupt political parties.
And the Democrats are.
And he's got one little thing.
And the Democrats.
Desperately fighting to try to convince you and everybody else that the only problem is the Republicans and Trump and that they are quite actually perfect in their own way when they are the ones who are the biggest contributors to the Trump campaign and the Trump problem.
There you go.
So there you go, Cliff.
Now you know it's actually the Democrats who are the biggest contributor to the Trump campaign and the Trump problem because what he tried to say was that I love having Trump as president.
Harder to do is to so he's so that's what they like to do if you disagree with them.
They like to say, oh, you like Trump.
And I just had Dylan Radkin explain to you, no, it's actually you guys who like Trump.
It was actually Hillary Clinton who chose Donald Trump through the Pied Piper strategy and from pukes like you and the media that they control to prop up Donald Trump so that now we actually have the only guy Hillary Clinton couldn't fucking beat was Donald Trump.
And now we have him as our president.
And I hope you watch.
I know you're still watching.
So now you learned a little something and now you can say thank you, Jimmy Doerr, you dumb nightclub jagoff.
Thanks for educating a stuffed shirt like me.
Nga-ga-ga-ga.
Wow, it's senior CNN political firebrand David Axelrod.
Hey, David.
Hello, Jimmy.
I was also Barack Obama's chief political advisor, and I'm also on CNN where I say a lot of stuff.
Why did you call today, David?
Because from one passionate firebrand to another, Jimmy, I admire the way you fight the power.
I see you, and I see myself.
The yearning, that spiritual craving which pushes us to the limits of endurance.
I knew I had to get your reaction to my last episode of the Axe Files.
You mean the one with Harry Reid?
Yes, Jimmy.
I got to talk one-on-one with the former Senate Majority Leader in Las Vegas.
Afterwards, I was physically and emotionally spent.
Wow, that good, huh?
The man is a dynamo, Jimmy.
Afterwards, we blew 40 grand at the crabs table, and he fucking went nuts on a bartender.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Semerano, and Mark Van Landowic.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
it Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Don't, don't, you can, don't, don't, bring out.
Don't, you, don't.
Don't, don't, do not program.
Do not freak.
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
▲
Export Selection