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Jan. 10, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:03:33
20190110_TJDS_0110_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Guess.
Guess?
I'll give you a hint.
Let me be frank.
Kevin Spacey?
Nice job.
You got it on the first try.
Why?
Why are you calling?
Oh, just doing a little PR tour with media outlets.
Whoa.
Well, we don't really do that sort of thing.
The Jimmy Door show jokes about politics and the news and stuff like that.
Oh, perfect place to start.
I assume you watched House of Cards.
No.
Fuck you.
Okay.
I assume you saw my little televised legal kerfuffle the other day.
Well, I saw that you were arraigned for indecent assault and battery in a court.
And didn't I look good doing it?
Pleading not guilty to grabbing a teenager's junk?
Not really.
Let me tell you something, small fries.
On that day, I flew on a private jet to Nantucket, spent a few hours there, then flew home and ate lobster thermidor with a nice 59 chateau le feet.
Even with an arraignment for a sex crime thrown in the middle there, I still had a better day than anyone listening to this.
Wow, you really are a prick.
I will grab your dick.
No, you will not.
We'll see.
What is all this about?
I mean, why are you calling media outlets and making weird ho movies?
Do I have to spell it out for you?
I'm making a comeback, baby.
Oh, really?
I sort of doubt that.
Why not?
Louis C.K.'s doing it.
That's arguable.
I'm going to perform King Lear at Governors in Long Island, and somehow the play will get leaked.
Everyone will gush over it, and I'll be in like Flynn.
Yeah, I don't think...
Jack's back, baby.
Oh, boy.
Oh, and I would like to personally thank you, Jimmy Dore, for being a part of my media image rehabilitation tour.
You threatened to grab my genitals.
You better believe it.
Because Kevin Spacey's coming back, warts and all.
Not some watered-down, boring, uncontroversial, non-crotch-violating version of Kevin Spacey.
Wear something lacy, America.
Here comes Spacey.
You're going to jail.
If by jail you mean the welcoming arms of an adoring nation that is voluntarily presenting its groin for fondling, then yes.
Ciao bitch.
Wow, color space.
Music.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
the show for...
...the kind of people that are...
Commence maybe on Tearing Down Our Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you too.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Everybody, welcome to the Jimmy Dore Show.
We've got a live stand-up Jimmy Dore show coming up Thursday, January 24th.
That's a live stand-up show.
It's at the Sycamore Tavern in Hollywood, California on Sunset Boulevard.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for tickets.
January 24th, that's a Thursday night in Hollywood.
Get ready.
Now let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Hey, did anybody watch Donald Trump's Oval Office speech on immigration followed by Pelosi and Schumer's rebuttals?
Yes.
Americans were presented with a clear choice between racist, gibberish, and a lukewarm fart from a pair of lifeless mannequins.
Schuber was so upset by Trump's speech that his granny glasses fell from his nose and swung unattended for a few moments on his braided silver chain.
Hey, did anybody else see Nancy Pelosi cross herself during the first session of the Democrat-controlled house?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was such an inspiring nod to the First Amendment that I almost felt like bombing a Muslim wedding for Exxon.
Hey, the Supreme Court just ruled that against Exxon in a major climate case.
Did you hear about that?
It's a crushing blow that could cost the company billions, and I can't wait until President Biden bails them out because they're too big to fail.
Hey, China's space agency just announced that they're going to grow potatoes on the moon.
Did you hear about that?
This is a slippery slope to moon fries and crater talks.
I'm telling you, Mr. President, America cannot afford to have a Russet gap.
Hey, this week, Pope Francis told U.S. bishops the sex abuse scandal was a threat to the credibility of the church.
That's funny.
I always thought the biggest threat to a church's credibility was believing in a magic white man in a robe who controls the universe.
That's me being an atheist.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
California has a secret election that you can vote in.
Plus, the truth about immigration.
Are more Canadians here illegally than Mexicans?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
Nancy Pelosi blatantly lies about Medicare for all at a town hall on MSNBC.
Plus, Trump says illegal immigrants have the most expensive invested cars in the world.
And they drive on their own highway right into America.
Think I'm making it up.
I'm not.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Barack Obama, Kevin Spacey, Chuck Schumer, and Rick Perry, plus a lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door Show.
Our next live stand-up show is Thursday, January 24th at the Sycamore Tavern in Hollywood.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for tickets.
Jimmy Door and friends, I have special guests with us today.
It's the new vice chair of the California Democratic Progressive Caucus.
It's Mark Van Landuit is with us.
Hi, Mark.
How are you?
Greetings, Jimmy, and it's the Northern Districts.
Okay, so you're the vice president's vice chair.
You're the vice chair of the Northern Districts Progressive Caucus.
That's right.
All right.
Oof.
Well, that's nice, though.
So in politics, the longer the title, the less the power.
So now you are down here in, you're from San Francisco area.
That's right.
And you're down here in Los Angeles.
And what are you here for?
So I'm here to tell everyone there's an election coming up.
Oh, really?
There's an election coming up, and your vote is going to matter.
Now, I know that's a cliche that happens every election season, but this time it's really true.
In this election, your vote is worth like a thousand times more than it's worth in a primary or general election.
So this is the inter-intra-party election of the California delegates that are to the party.
Now, we did this two years ago after Bernie ran, and we all got inspired.
So it was, it happens in January, and we went and we voted in, and the progressives showed up en masse, and they voted in more progressive delegates than corporate delegates, right?
But turns out there's also, we thought we took over the party in California.
We thought we had taken over in the bluest of blue states.
The progressives thought we took over the party, but what happened?
So the California Democratic Party has a superdelegate structure inside it.
In the state party, there's a state party.
They're called appointed delegates.
And they are one-third of the total delegates.
Now, I have a resolution going forth in the May convention to try to reduce appointed delegates, but that's for the May election.
That's for those people who get to be elected A Dems.
So what does the A Dem stand for?
So A Dem, it stands for like Assembly Delegate Elected Member.
Okay, there you go.
Essentially, what it is, it is your local representative to the California Democratic Party.
Okay.
So why is that important?
So the A Dems they control the platform.
They control the agenda.
A DEMS control who gets endorsed and who doesn't get endorsed.
And this May, the A Dems are going to choose who the next chair of the California Democratic Party is.
So why is that important?
So that's a big deal.
It is a big deal.
Because the California Democratic Party is more powerful than the DNC.
So the California Democratic Party, we bankroll the National Party all across the country, even more so than New York.
Really?
Yes.
The party needs to be more than just the ATM.
We have to start leading with a progressive agenda.
The party has to be more than just money.
It has to be more than just money.
Okay.
And the only way we do that is that we have our people in, progressives in into the party, so we can set the agenda.
So California is like the pace car for the rest of the nation.
So if California is lagging behind, that means the rest of the country is lagging behind.
Right.
So you want people who are Democrats to show up to vote for progressive Democrats as their delegate to the Democratic Party.
Yes.
And that happens this weekend, the 12th and 13th of January, and also the 26th and 27th, correct?
Depending on your district.
So everybody, go to ADEMS.vote, A-D-E-M-S dot vote.
Even if you're not a Democrat.
So if you're independent, no party preference, or if you're Green Party, or Peace and Freedom, or even if you're Republican, you can register Democrat on that day to vote.
And, you know, you can do anything you want afterwards with your registration.
But as long as you're voting for good, strong progressives, check the ADEMS.vote, see who the progressive slates are.
It really matters because inside the California Democratic Party, you have delegates who are totally cool with endless war, who are okay with people not getting health care.
They're okay with workers not getting a living wage.
These people have to be wiped out.
And the only way we do that is if we show up and vote.
If progressives come out en masse and vote for the progressives.
So we, again, we did that two years ago.
And then because the Democratic Party is so corrupt, they also have super delegates on the state level.
And they were able to steal away the chairman of the Democratic Party position from the progressives.
Now, the last time the progressives were pushing Kimberly Ellis.
So hopefully this time it will be someone else.
So there's going to be a lot more people that are going to be in the race this time.
I think Kimberly is going to be the frontrunner, but there's other people coming in.
There's other Daraka Larimore Hall, who's the vice chair.
There's rumors that Kevin DeLeon is going to run.
Rumors that Cap Brooks might run.
All of these interesting, very interesting characters.
No matter who, no matter who's running, we as progressives have to know what we want from the chair.
So we have to have a list of demands and we have to get whoever we're going to get behind to pledge and commit themselves to what we want to see the party do.
Well, I just went to the website.
I wanted to look at the A Dems.vote and I wanted to look up my district and I was able to look up my district and I see that it says I believe I'm district 14 no excuse me 41 and you know what I like I see this great flyer and it says people over profits Medicare for all green new deal affordable housing and rent control tuition free college and lower student debt immigration reform criminal justice reform living wage and I'm also able to see the
candidates that are running for this.
And so these are the Democrats for justice.
So they're running together.
Is that what I should understand?
That is right.
They're all running together.
So vote for them.
Also, you'll be voting for an e-board member.
So you may have to vote for a certain person twice, one for ADEM, one for e-board.
Not to get too confusing, make sure that you're voting for the strong progressives.
So in 2019, we're going to be pushing for a Green New Deal.
We're going to be pushing for public banks.
I'm going to have a resolution that's going to have it so that the California Democratic Party takes no money from the military industrial complex.
We're going to be voting on reducing the appointed delegates.
All of this stuff matters.
All of this stuff is important.
And so please, please make sure that you come out and make sure that you bring five of your friends, your family members, your enemies, bring them all out.
So they're voting January 12th, 13th, January 26th, 27th.
So I really have to go to this website to look at who's the progressive side.
Absolutely.
And, you know, the last time we went to this event, it wasn't really conducive to communicating people's platform.
There was kind of like this, like people would just show up and speak when they were able to.
And, you know, I felt like I was uninformed when I went.
So this really is something that you have to be informed before you go and cast your vote.
So I just you go to vote adems, A-D-E-M-S dot vote.
And then you put in your address and then it tells you what district you're in and it tells you where to go vote.
Right.
That's right.
So I have to go all the way to frickin Claremont.
So they do this on purpose.
Now, the people in District one, those poor folks have to like some of them have to have to drive seven hours to get to their polling location.
That's ridiculous.
It is ridiculous.
So here's the thing.
And that's by design.
It is by design.
So for the longest time, the party has tried to keep these elections secret.
So this used to be just an incumbent protection racket.
Right.
So so it's to keep the incumbents, to keep their endorsements from the party going, you know, term after term.
And in 2017, they didn't see us coming.
And that's why we were able to sweep across the state.
This year they see us coming and they've been organizing.
There's been a lot of big money interests that have been helping organize some of these slates against progressives, particularly in the Central Valley.
You know, the usual people like PG&E, AT&T.
So they know the importance of these delegates and the power that they have over the party.
So that's why we need to come out full force, full force.
Okay.
So all this energy.
Oh, yes.
So let's.
So I will do it again.
I will do this.
I'm going to get out of bed and I'm going to drive frickin 30 minutes or whatever, however far it is.
About an hour.
About an hour to Claremont.
So we could go vote frickin hour.
So but all this energy could so easily be used to, you know, people say, oh, it's so hard to form a third party.
You could never win.
You don't need to win with a third party.
You need to have 5% or 10% of the vote.
So then the Democratic Party needs you to join them in a coalition government so they can then get power and win at the ballot box and B, have power so they could pass legislation in the House.
So you don't need to win.
You don't need to win presidency.
You don't need to win the Senate.
You need to have 5% to 10% polling of your party, and then you have real power.
Bernie Sanders had 13 million people on his mailing list.
That's a third party right there.
So, but that's not what this is about.
So, Jimmy, I would say that the progressives inside the party, ostensibly, we are the third party.
Yeah, I know.
That's why.
Yeah.
But I get it.
Yes, we are.
And we're winning.
But here's what I'm going to do.
I want to tell you: the progressives, we are winning.
So the Medicare for All caucus in the Congress, we've got over 70 members now.
And in terms of putting the Green New Deal, that's on the national agenda now.
We're winning.
We are winning.
Be part of this victory.
ADEMS.vote.
Come out and vote.
ADEMS.vote.
Be part of this victory.
Be part of this victory.
That's right.
So I'm going to do it.
I'm going to go vote for progressives to take over the Democratic Party.
Gavin Newsom does not seem like a lost cause.
No.
He seems like you could actually pressure him to get stuff done.
And that's what we've been doing.
You could pressure him to get Medicare for all in free college.
I have a feeling.
The Progressive Caucus, we are the caucus of troublemakers.
Sometimes we're derisively called the Bernie Caucus.
The Progressive Caucus is the largest caucus in the California Democratic Party.
And we have been pressuring Gavin and all these politicians on our issues: Medicare for all, living wages, Green New Deal, criminal justice reform.
We've been very successful.
Yeah.
And you don't have to be a delegate to be part of the Progressive Caucus of the California Democratic Party.
So if anyone wants to join, it's the most fun.
It's the only caucus in the party that doesn't suck.
That is correct.
So you can show up if you're not a Democrat.
You can register right there that day, and then you can vote.
And then, of course, you can go and do whatever you want from there on out.
You don't have to be a Democrat.
You don't have to do any of that stuff, right?
So that's the beauty of democracy.
All right, Mark Van Landwitt.
By the way, congratulations on becoming vice chair of the Progressive Caucus of the Northern.
Thank you, Jimmy.
Thank you.
Okay, if people don't know, you've heard his name many times.
Mark produces and edits the podcast and the radio show for us.
And he also writes a lot of the great rants I used to do on the Young Turks in the 2016 election.
And so Mark writes a lot of stuff for a lot of politicians that you might hear.
Thank you, Jimmy, for being such a strong voice.
And let's beat the bastards.
Okay, let's beat the bastards.
Go to adems.vote.
So we're going to talk about Trump's speech on immigration.
And normally I don't try to, you know, normally by the time you've seen this video, you've seen this speech and we've already moved on because I record this the day after it happened and you're probably seeing it now two days after it's happened.
But I think it's worth showing because I had the same reaction watching Trump's speech this time as I had when I went to a Trump rally in Anaheim, California two years ago.
It was kind of unnerving.
Like, I get that Trump is a demagogue, right?
And he blames people with no money and no power for the problems in America, meaning desperate poor people trying to get into this country any way they can.
They're not the cause of our problems, okay?
So it's weird how over the top he was.
Now, we've demonized immigrants from Mexico for a long time.
We have a long history of it.
And I'm going to show you Trump's, the parts I'm talking about in Trump's speech.
I'm going to show you.
But I first want to set the table.
Here's how Bill Clinton, this is not new.
Here's how Bill Clinton and Barack Obama set the table for Trump to do this stuff.
And what are you talking about, Jimmy?
Well, here's how Bill Clinton used to talk about it.
Americans, not only in the states most heavily affected, but in every place in this country, are rightly disturbed by the large numbers of illegal aliens entering our country.
The jobs they hold might otherwise be held by citizens or legal immigrants.
The public service they use impose burdens on our taxpayers.
That's why our administration has moved aggressively to secure our borders more by hiring a record number of new border guards, by deporting twice as many criminal aliens as ever before, by cracking down on illegal hiring, by barring welfare benefits to illegal aliens.
So there you go.
That's pretty demagoguery.
That's demonizing poor people and pretending they're the problem in our country, and they're not.
In fact, if you look at anyway, so I wouldn't go into it.
Here's Barack Obama, and here's what he used to say about border security.
Now, remember, he deported more people than all the presidents combined since 1890.
He was the deporter-in-chief, and here's what he used to say.
This was back in 2013.
But this is a bill that's largely consistent with the principles that I and the people on this stage have laid out.
Now, Trump wants to spend $5.1 billion on a wall.
And here's, now, Barack Obama says it's consistent.
What he's about to say is consistent with his values.
What is it?
For common sense reform.
First of all, if passed, this bill would be the biggest commitment to border security in our nation's history.
It would put another $6.5 billion on top of what we're already spending towards stronger, smarter security along our borders.
He wanted to spend more on border security than Trump.
Trump's saying $5.1 billion for a wall.
He had over $6 billion there.
So this is, again, this isn't new.
In fact, I'm not going to take the time to show you, but Hillary Clinton used to brag that she voted for a border wall, a barrier, she called it.
So there's Obama, and there's Bill Clinton, and here's now Trump.
My fellow Americans, tonight I am speaking to you because there is a growing humanitarian and security crisis at our southern border.
Every day, customs and border patrol agents encounter thousands of illegal immigrants trying to enter our country.
We are out of space to hold them, and we have no way to promptly return them back home to their country.
America proudly welcomes millions of lawful immigrants who enrich our society and contribute to our nation.
But all Americans are hurt by uncontrolled, illegal migration.
It strains public resources and drives down jobs and wages.
Among those hardest hit are African Americans and Hispanic Americans.
Our southern border is a pipeline for vast quantities of illegal drugs, including meth, heroin, cocaine, and fentanyl.
Every week, 300 of our citizens are killed by heroin 11.
So he started off sounding just like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, and now is where he starts to go nuts.
So he starts to blame the drug trade on illegal immigrants.
What?
They're taking our jobs.
They're taking all of our opioids.
That's what we're supposed to be growing in Afghanistan.
I mean, heroin's grown in Afghanistan, thanks to us.
You know, I don't understand why he has to say that these people who are really seeking asylum from the violence in their countries, that somehow Mexicans and African Americans should be worried about this.
What do I have to worry about somebody seeking asylum other than why aren't we helping them?
Trump wanted to send all the National Guard to guard the borders, but then he found out they were all in the Middle East guarding the borders there.
So I had no idea the Middle East had such an immigration problem.
So here we go.
And again, the reason why I'm showing you this is because I thought he went really over the top.
90% of which floods across from our southern border.
More Americans will die from drugs this year than were killed in the entire Vietnam War.
Illegal immigrants are worse than the Vietnam War.
I mean, this is really over-the-top rhetoric.
Like, he's not just some jackass game show host saying this stuff now on Jay Leno.
This is the leader of the free world, the most powerful guy in the world, demonizing in the most over-the-top way people with no money and no power who just want to come here and be Americans and blaming them for the drug trade, for OP, for heroin addicts.
All of a sudden, it's Mexicans' fault.
In the last two years, ICE officers made 266,000 arrests of aliens with criminal records, including those charged or convicted of 100.
So did you notice he said aliens?
He didn't say illegal aliens.
He just said aliens were arrested.
Oh, okay.
So do you mean people who came in here legally?
So he's see how it, so to conflate that number, he says aliens, meaning people who came here legally.
Okay.
So again, your border wall wouldn't do anything about that.
100,000 assaults, 30,000 sex crimes, and 4,000 violent killings.
So again, he's just so you know, immigrants commit crime at a lower rate than natural-born citizens.
So again, this is what's called demagoguery.
This is hyperbole.
This is propaganda.
And what this, this, you know, just it, yes, we have to have a process for people who come here, and there has to be a legal way to do that.
But then to sit there and go, the people who come here from Mexico are causing all the crime in America is unbelievably irresponsible.
It's what's called, that's called demagoguery, right?
And a lot of people would call this race baiting.
I would be one of those people.
This is really over-the-top crazy.
Well, immigrant families that are cutting your lawn, they are not breaking the law.
Who's breaking the law?
Well, when I'm doing a rolling stop in front of a stop sign, I'm the one breaking the law.
I'm the type who breaks the law.
So let's listen a little more.
Over the years, thousands of Americans have been brutally killed by those who illegally entered our country, and thousands more lives will be lost if we don't act.
I mean, this is really disgusting.
Cut it out already.
And why do I say because you know immigrants commit crime at a lower rate than natural-born citizens?
You also know that this is a completely manufactured problem.
Trump is making this up because immigrants who enter the country do so legally.
So this maybe was a problem a long time ago.
It's no longer a problem.
Since 2000, illegal immigration is down 90% since 2000.
Since 2000, illegal immigration is down 90%.
This is manufactured BS.
Here's the chart.
There's the chart from Washpo.
There's the chart.
Back in 2000, we used to have a little over, what, 2 million people, a little under 2 million illegal immigrants or people coming undocumented across the border.
Look where it is now.
That's 170,000.
Most of the people who are here illegally, two-thirds, come here legally and then overstay their visa.
That's the real problem.
So Trump doing all this demagoguery, making you think there's World War III happening on the border is just that demagoguery and it's propaganda because it's lower than it's been in almost 20 years.
So most of the people who are here illegally, over 600,000 people a year who overstay their visa.
And guess how many, do you think more people from Mexico overstay their visas or from Canada?
It would be double the people from Canada overstay their visas than people from Mexico overstaying their visas.
Something like 90,000 people from Canada overstay their visa and a little over 40,000 people from Mexico overstay their visa.
And two-thirds of all the people who are here illegally are here because they overstayed a visa, not because they snuck across the border.
So this is just complete bunk.
So this is not a problem that Trump pretends is a problem because it pushes the lizard brain of his core supporters.
That's all this is.
That's all this is.
And now I'll show you a little bit more of how just over the top here.
I mean, to say this is irresponsible doesn't even come close to what is actually happening here, but let's watch a little more.
Overall approach to border security.
Law enforcement professionals have requested $5.7 billion for a physical barrier at the request of Democrats.
So now it's been downgraded from a wall to a physical barrier.
That could be saran rep. I mean, what is a physical barrier?
Could be anything.
Could be a stick of wood.
Could be barbed wire.
Physical.
Now it's just a physical barrier.
Now he's changed it from a wall to a physical barrier.
I just want to point that out.
Will be a steel barrier.
Oh, steel.
So now it's going to be a steel barrier.
Not a wall.
Be like a guardrail on the freeway, like that kind of a barrier, that kind of steel.
That's a lot of steel.
We're going to have to do a lot of importing from China.
Bam.
And then Trump has a tariff on.
And a concrete wall.
This barrier is absolutely critical to border security.
It's also what our professionals at the...
So I just want to show you it was downgraded.
And so now here he is going back to the over-the-top demagoguery, demonizing poor people with no money and no power.
People, to be so horribly victimized, America's heart broke the day after Christmas when a young police officer in California was savagely murdered in cold blood by an illegal alien who just came across the border.
The life of an American hero was stolen by someone who had no right to be in our country.
Day after day, precious lives are cut short by those who have violated our borders.
In California, an Air Force veteran was raped, murdered, and beaten to death with a hammer by an illegal alien with a long criminal history.
In Georgia, an illegal alien was recently charged with murder for killing, beheading, and dismembering his neighbor.
In Maryland, MS-13 gang members who arrived in the United States as unaccompanied minors were arrested.
So even kids, even little kids, when they come here, they're going to grow up to be criminals.
Why?
So again, if he's just a game show host or a talk show host saying this stuff, that's one thing.
He actually has power.
He's the most powerful guy in the entire world.
And what is he doing?
He's misframing a situation to demonize poor people with no money and no power, which creates a situation where...
So now the people who follow him the closest are thinking Mexicans are criminals here to kill us.
So apparently all these people that Trump just mentioned, they crossed the Rio Grande.
So I just wanted to show you that because that's unnerving.
That's not okay.
That's not him being tough on the border.
That's him doing over-the-top rhetoric that's going to get people killed and make people's lives a living hell whose lives are already a living hell.
You think people come here and walk a thousand miles to get here because everything's going great in their lives?
Because they have a lot of opportunities?
Because they're lazy?
You think people walk a thousand miles because they're lazy?
Oh, they're all criminals.
What kind of a criminal walks a thousand miles and then steals a car?
So we've done this throughout our history.
We've done this to the Irish.
We've done this to the Italians, to the Chinese.
And we all know our real enemy are the Belgians.
Again, this is great.
This isn't new in America.
So that's why, and that should unnerve you if you're not.
Because that's total bullshit.
He's totally making up a completely manufactured crisis.
There's no fucking crisis at our border.
Democrats, I just showed you.
I showed you Bill Clinton and Barack Obama.
They put billions in the border security.
So this isn't about that.
This isn't about free open borders or not.
This is about him pretending and creating a problem.
And again, he can't fix any real problems.
He's not going to pull us out of frickin' Syria now.
He did a tax cut for the trillionaires.
Nobody's life has gotten better except trillionaires and billionaires and millionaires.
And that's there.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, the unemployment is at its all-time low with bullshit jobs.
And 80% of Americans live in paycheck to paycheck.
And Trump ain't going to put a dent in that ever.
He ain't going to help the income inequality.
He ain't going to put a dent in the real unemployment, which is somewhere probably around 17%.
He ain't going to put a dent in any of that shit for you.
Bernie 2020.
And he ain't going to bring you health care.
He's making your health care more expensive.
He's taking away the mandate that makes everybody buy health care.
And when you take that away, your health insurance premiums are going up.
He's doing that to you.
Everything he said he was doing, he's doing the exact opposite.
Now he's got to give welfare to farmers because his economic policies are so effed up.
Okay, here we go.
AA pulled us out of Syria.
If he was pulling us out of Syria, at least I could go there.
At least we got that.
We ain't getting that.
Turns out.
So let me get this straight.
Trump shuts down the government because he wants a wall to stop people crossing the border.
Well, hey, everybody, now's the time to cross that border.
There's nobody mining the store.
So he's saying that this, and by the way, he's making it a problem that this is right now.
It's such a problem.
It will take years to build that fence.
That wall?
He wants to build a wall.
It will take years and years to build that wall over a problem that's happening that's so dire right.
It's all double CK.
It's none of it's all propaganda.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show: you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show.
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Oh, God, it's Barack Obama again.
Hello, Jimmy.
Buy my books.
Watch my Netflix specials.
And collect all 14 Barack Obama commemorative glasses at your local Union 76 stations.
But don't lick my image on the side.
The paint's got lead in it.
We're working on a solution to the lead thing.
Take a maybe a filter of some sort.
What do you think?
Anyway, wow.
How about that, Nancy Pelosi, huh?
She's back.
Yeah, okay, back for what?
You guys don't even have a platform, do you?
Just like 2016 again.
The heck we don't.
Didn't you see Nancy on MSNBC last night?
Try this platform on for size, sucker.
No free riders.
Yeah, no free riders.
Yeah, it's got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
I know it's a little uncivil, but sometimes you just got to put your foot down with these people.
I'm glad Democrats are finally going to confront the wealthy about paying their fair share of taxes.
Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
What you talking about, Willis?
No corporate free riders, you know?
It's part of the progressive platform Alexandria Cortez won with.
Wait, wait, what, what, what's it good?
I'm talking about parasites playing the system for personal gain.
Me too.
We got to figure to all those healthcare queens living off the system.
What free riders are you talking about, Barack?
Over 30 million people don't even have coverage, and countless others can't afford the deductibles, and over 600,000 go into medical bankruptcy every year.
Well, sure, there are still some challenges.
What the hell does that mean?
I'm worth unsold millions.
I'm Barack Obama, bitch.
But Medicare for All would cut the cost of health care by one-third by eliminating insurance industry profits.
Understand this.
This will not stand.
The time for change is now.
We will not be divided by division.
We're better than division.
Don't let division divide us.
Again, what is that supposed to mean?
It's like Nancy Pelosi said.
The ACA is a better benefit for young people because Medicare doesn't have a catastrophic plan.
She fucking literally says that.
That's a lie, Barack.
H.R. 676 would improve Medicare and give every American full coverage, including dental and vision.
If I may quote Nancy, understand this.
We have to understand what it means to the individual.
That's garbage.
Oh, really?
Okay, what are the costs?
$30 trillion for single payer.
How do we pay for that?
That's like getting rid of two of our best wars.
We can't do that.
Very complicated, impractical.
It's much cheaper over the next 10 years than the ACA.
What does Medicare for All mean anyway?
What is all?
I don't understand.
Too limiting.
The Affordable Care Act has a way for people to participate called the mandate.
No free riders there.
Free riders?
Who the hell is free riding your unaffordable bullshit patchwork of insurance giveaways, Barack?
There will always be a few bad apples who play the system.
Let's call them health care queens.
Living it up with their refrigerators and microwaves while they whine about having to buy $800 bottles of insulin.
It's shameful.
We're better than that.
You just don't give a crap, do you?
Hell no.
I'm Barack Obama, bitch.
Ice work.
Everybody, welcome to Jimmy Dorshow.
I'm here with Mark Van Landuan and the Miserable Liberal.
Hi, Jimmy.
Greetings, everybody.
So Nancy Pelosi went on, she did a town hall with Joyanne Reed on MSNBC.
And we showed you before the young woman, black lady got up, asked Nancy Pelosi if she supported Black Lives Matter.
She said all lives matter.
And now Nancy Pelosi is going to be asked what she thinks about Medicare for all.
Now, Nancy Pelosi launches into a word salad that is very heavy on the bullshit dressing.
For the speaker is what approach will the Democrats in the House take to fixing the Affordable Care Act?
Thank you.
Well, thank you so much for your question.
I think that the reference should be the Affordable Care Act.
It is, we are very proud of the Affordable Care Act.
We think it was a generational opportunity to establish a...
We are very proud to do the thing that Mitt Romney and any other Republican would have got done had they been elected.
That's what you're proud of?
That's your achievement?
A right-wing health care plan that leaves 30 million people out and no cost controls so people still go bankrupt whenever they get sick.
That's what you're proud of, okay.
Pillar of economic and health security on a par with Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Affordable Care Act.
No, those are all socialist programs.
Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, those are known as socialism.
The Affordable Care Act is known as corporatism.
That's a for-profit health care solution that what does it do?
It leaves out 30 million people and costs us twice as much with worse outcomes than the rest of the world.
So the ACA is nothing like Social Security or Medicare.
Nothing like that.
And by the way, she knows it.
So this is, again, your leader who's opposing Trump and we're supposed to hate Trump because he lies and everything.
And she's lying.
Because what she's doing is called gaslighting, and that's a form of lying.
A path to ensuring every making sure that everyone has access to affordable quality health care in our country.
There are some challenges that we face because certain things have expired within the bill and have not been renewed by the administration.
A very, very dangerous thing that the administration did.
They couldn't overturn the Affordable Care Act.
And you know why?
The American people spoke, told their stories.
10,000 events around the country.
Let me tell you something, Nancy.
You know what else the American people have said?
Nine out of 10 Democrats say they want Medicare for all.
The majority of Republicans said they want Medicare for all.
The overwhelming majority of Independents want Medicare for all.
The country spoke.
They want Medicare for all.
You won't touch it with a 10-foot pole.
So this idea that you're celebrating the will of the people, you're celebrating the will of your donors, which is big pharma and the big insurance.
That's what she's celebrating.
Because if you really wanted to celebrate the will of the people, you'd be screaming at the top of your lungs for Medicare for all.
But you're not.
In fact, you're about to tell us why we can't have it.
10,000 events, town hall meetings, press conferences, visits to offices and the rest.
Little lobbyists, little children with physical challenges, preexisting conditions, people with preexisting conditions, 123,000 million, 123 million families affected.
So they fought them.
However, in their tax scam bill that the Republicans passed, they took away the individual mandate.
And that was very dangerous in terms of the Affordable Care Act.
So we would have to replace that.
A couple of things that I would do is to raise the income level at which people can get subsidies so more people would be able to get the subsidies.
I think that's very, very important.
Strengthen the law so that it is required that states will have expand Medicaid.
Very, very important.
But the virtue of it is that not just 20 million more people had access to health care, which would be a justification of itself.
It's that 123 million more families would have access, even though they had a pre-existing condition.
And many more families have better benefits.
So the entire population benefited if they availed themselves of it or if their states enabled them to avail themselves.
So there's certainly with any bill that is passed of that magnitude, places that we know we can improve.
But now who the hell can listen to this?
Who can freaking listen to this?
Jimmy, she so, you know, and well, with all those, and what we could do is lower the cap of that.
And then I'll get, and then, of course, the states have to do the Medicaid expansion, which is very important.
Then the individual mandate.
And then we have a Knutin valve.
And then I have another thing.
And then we have that.
Medicare for all.
Boom.
Everybody's covered.
Nobody left out.
And it saves us money.
Boom.
And you don't have to worry about all that bullshit.
Nobody can even say, can't even keep, can't even keep your head up listening to this.
This is her big plan.
This is her big plan.
I can't imagine why it doesn't rally people to the polls.
This is her big solution for you.
You can't even sit through without your head falling off.
Jimmy, she is a master legislator.
She's a master leader.
I don't know if you know that.
And I think what it comes down to, she just wears you down with word salads.
Yes.
The problem with the ACA, it was a market solution to a social crisis created by markets.
Yes.
Yes.
And the ACA, it's great that you cannot be denied coverage, but you can be denied treatment.
And this great victory about pre-existing conditions.
What are pre-existing conditions?
It means you're sick.
Yes.
It means you're sick.
The people that prevented people from getting coverage are the people that we're keeping in extraordinary profits.
So this system protects the health insurance profiteers who add nothing, add nothing to a person's health care.
Very well said.
Let's listen to some more of this work.
I know this is painful.
It only goes, you know, she's only been talking for 20 seconds.
It seems longer, right?
It literally goes on for about two more minutes.
So I know it's going to seem like 20.
It's inspiring me.
For some of what, reinsurance that the Republicans would not, would not renew some things that we.
Now, if this was Bernie Sanders and she was asked this, well, but do Medicare for All, we get everybody covered for less money.
And the place would come to its feet and people would be cheering.
Do you see the difference?
Do you see why Hillary Clinton lost to Donald Trump?
Do you See why nobody, half the country doesn't vote?
Do you see?
And do you know why she sounds like that?
She doesn't sound like that because she's dumb.
She sounds like that because she's bought.
That's why she sounds like that because she doesn't give a fuck about you.
If she did, she'd be screaming for Medicare for all.
She doesn't give a fuck about the 30 million people left out of that.
She cares about keeping power and pleasing her donors.
When you mention other options.
So watch this.
Here we go.
Joy Ann Reed's actually going to ask the question.
This is kind of amazing.
Joy Ann Reid actually asked the question.
Here we go.
When you mention other options, Medicare for All is obviously a very popular one among a lot of your caucus.
We now.
Of course, she misstates it.
Medicare for All, very popular among your caucus, very popular in the country.
Not just her caucus.
Very popular in the country.
The overwhelming majority of people are for it.
Her caucus, it's almost ubiquitous.
Everybody except her is for it.
The vast majority of Democrats want Medicare for all.
The majority of Republicans want Medicare for all.
Independence.
And independence.
Nancy Pelosi doesn't want Medicare for all.
What does that tell you?
That tells you Nancy Pelosi is your enemy.
Nancy Pelosi is the person we have to work against.
She's the one standing in our way.
We have to fight Nancy Pelosi.
She is not the opposition.
Learned that thanks to the changeover in leadership, there will be hearings on Medicare for All.
Do you expect the Medicare for All bill to come to the floor this year?
Well, understand this.
No.
But that's all, folks.
No, I'm not doing it.
I mean, what you have to understand is no.
Can you believe this?
No, it's not.
If the Democrats passed Medicare for All, which the country is for overwhelmingly, it would A, get people to the polls so they could win next time.
B, it would then out the Republicans for denying everybody what everyone wants because the Democrat, the Republicans in the Senate would have to crush it.
Or if they passed it, Trump would have to veto it.
And if they did it, we'd have Medicare for fucking all.
But they would, and that's your advantage.
The problem was that the Democrats don't have an advantage because they're not any better than the Republicans.
They also want to keep you from Medicare for all.
That's why she's not going to give you the advantage.
And then she's going to wag her finger at you for not voting for blue.
She's doing things that suppress the vote right out in the open.
But people will stupid celebrities will be angry at Susan Sarandon and Jill Stein and me and people with no money and no power, except the person who actually has the power to enact change and inspire people to go to the poll because she has that power, isn't going to do it.
Why?
Because she's corrupt and a liar.
Why?
Because she's paid to lie.
You want to hear the rest of her bullshit answer?
Do you want to hear it?
Medicare for all sounds is a good idea, but Medicare is not as good a benefit as the Affordable Care Act is for fewer people if you're younger.
Okay, that's a lie.
She just made that up.
She's here.
She's doing what Jake Tappard is at CNN.
She's telling you that the system we have now is better than Medicare for All.
It's not even close.
She's lying.
I don't know where she, where does she get that from, Mark?
How many people do we know under the age of 35 who do not have insurance?
How many people do we know that work that are underinsured that cannot afford a medical emergency?
These are people that have insurance.
This is how big the crisis is here in America.
And Medicare for All, there is literally no excuse not to be pushing Medicare for all at this point.
It saves America trillions of dollars.
It's good economics.
It's good politics.
And it's good morality.
It's all those things.
What?
What?
You want a healthy nation?
Are you kidding me?
You want people that are healthy and productive and able to take care of themselves and flourish?
That's crazy.
So when she says something like that, Mark, is it a stretch to say that she's just blatantly lying and gaslighting her own constituents?
Because that's what that is.
It's not better for people under 35, is it?
No.
What would you call what she's doing there?
She's pleasing her donors.
Nancy Pelosi, her job is to somehow pacify the base of the Democratic Party, the voters, and also pacify the donors to the party.
So they don't get alarmed and so they keep the contributions coming in.
Yeah.
So, and so, and in order to do that, she sits in a TV studio in front of a room full of people and blatantly lies.
And Joanne Reed doesn't, of course, she doesn't push back.
She's bought.
And you know what?
I said this the other day, but if you find yourself in a studio audience and you see somebody who's a politician and you think they're saying they're lying and start booing.
And start holding them accountable.
If they're serving up a plate of bullshit to you like Nancy Pelosi just did, Steph's advice to you is to boo her.
That's her advice.
That's my advice also.
So do you want to hear some more of this?
This is stomach turning.
This is stomach turning.
And so we either have to expand the people who are getting Affordable Care Act in a way that they understand, or we have to improve the benefits of Medicare.
Medicare does not have a catastrophic plan.
You have to go buy that.
Medicare does not have a catastrophic plan.
So she's saying we have that the ACA is better than Medicare for all.
That's what she's saying because Medicare for All doesn't have a catastrophic plan.
Do you know what the heck she's talking about, Mark?
I haven't a clue.
I don't have a clue what she's talking about.
All I know is that the health, healthcare insurance companies are not worth America not entering the 20th century, never mind the 21st century, and becoming a civilized nation.
And why is an insurance company making profits?
She's sitting there doing a Jake Tapper on this room and this journalist, and nobody says a goddamn thing.
Nobody in that crowd says, what?
You're trying to pull a fast one and say the ACA is better than Medicare for all?
You liar.
You liar.
It costs twice as much.
It leaves out 30 million people and 600,000 people go bankrupt that have freaking health care, health insurance every year.
And we have worse results.
So this is why, and all the progressives voted for her to be speaker.
But, Jimmy, at least it keeps the power in the hands of the healthcare insurance companies who are the real death panels in America.
You're right.
Saying to people, understand what it is, what it means to the individual.
And that's a fair review that we should have.
And you'll have hearings now.
I will have hearings on the subject.
And again, we'll have hearings on the subject.
And then we'll have to figure out a way to kill it.
So, was the question about will Medicare be discussed?
No, no.
It's gotten to such a confused point.
I don't know what she's saying.
I really don't know.
I don't even know.
The original question was, how do you plan on fixing the ACA?
And then Joy Ann Reed said, what about Medicare for all?
And then she just went on a word.
She just started doing this.
She started saying that Medicare for All isn't as good for young people.
It doesn't have a catastrophic plan.
Like, what is wrong with you?
You a liar.
And this is why we have Trump.
But there are a lot of people, most of them complete fucking corporate assholes who will blame people with no money in power and not blame people like this.
When did you ever see any of those celebrities?
When do you ever see Billy on the street hold Nancy Pelosi's feet to the fire for not being for something that's popular?
When have you ever heard one of those celebrities hold when is that Susan Messing?
Is that her goddamn name?
Deborah.
Deborah Messing.
What is Deborah Messing ever held Nancy Pelosi's feet to the fire for letting down our country and suppressing the vote and lying to people?
Fucking never fucking never.
Deborah Messing.
Never.
But she will vote her shame and wag her finger at people with more talent than her.
This is what's wrong with the country.
This.
There is no opposition.
There is no party that represents workers or the people.
This is what's wrong.
This is weird.
Okay.
So I went to Google really quickly.
I know.
Search engine.
I looked up catastrophic coverage and it says Medicare.gov.
And in the little phrase below, it says that you automatically get catastrophic coverage once you've spent like $5,000 out of pocket.
So here on Medicare.gov, they start highlighting that you have access to catastrophic.
You have catastrophic coverage.
So I wonder what she was talking about.
Maybe she's lying once again.
The lies never stop with corporatists who are bought and paid for.
And that's why Nancy Pelosi is the leader.
Why is she the leader of the Democrats in the House?
Because she takes the most money from pharmaceutical companies, I'm guessing, and Wall Street and military industrial complex.
So she gets the most corporate money, which is the most corrupting.
She doesn't keep it.
She gives it to the other people in the House, the other Democrats, so they can then go buy TV ads so they can run and be re-elected.
So now they owe her a debt.
So now they vote for her to be speaker so she can get more money for that.
Do you see this cycle, how it works?
This insidious cycle of corruption.
And that's why someone like this, who couldn't talk her way out of a paper bag, is the leader, and she's sitting there lying to you in front of a corrupted journalist on corporate TV.
And you wonder why half the country doesn't vote.
And you wonder why they suppress this show.
Because they don't want you to know anything.
Because pretty soon we're going to be like France because of motherfuckers like this who keep screwing you over and gaslighting you in public and shitty journalists like Joyanne Reed, the scum of the fucking earth who doesn't have a bone in her body with any integrity in it to stand up to this shit.
It's coming.
The fucking yellow vests are coming.
Howdy Ranger, do you know who this is?
This sounds an awful lot like Energy Secretary Rick Perry.
Acting Energy Secretary, you mean?
I don't want to be too assumptious.
Who knows what my leader will want of me next?
I stand at the Ready Fort to service the Supreme Legend.
The Supreme Legend is the leader of those who are led.
Did you know that?
The Supreme Legend?
Are you calling Donald Trump the Supreme Legend now?
10-4, good buddy.
Bobo Netanyahu called the president of Brazil the legend.
Why cannot I?
Bibi Netanyahu?
That's what I said, Bobo, Netanyahu.
Bibi.
Bobo.
Bibi, Bibi.
Bobo, Bobo.
Bibi, Bobo, Bebo.
Is that it?
Yeah, that's it.
And if the king of Brazil is the legend, then Donald Trump has to be the supreme legend.
There cannot be two legends, Jimmy.
It's in the United Nations Charter.
Would you mind if I send some literature to your home address?
I'd rather not receive any literature.
Thanks.
Okay, but there's an important personality test included to test your personality importantly.
Did you take this personality test?
How do you think I got the job of head of oil, clean coal, and never solar?
Well, what kind of question did they ask you?
Questions about dogs.
They asked me what my favorite dog names were.
I answered Coco, Buster, Buddy, and Russ.
Wow, you had a lot of dogs growing up.
No, I only had one.
What was his name?
Coco, Buster, Buddy, and Russ.
I couldn't make up my mind, but it all worked out in the end.
She got rapies.
Wow.
Sorry to hear that, Rick.
It was all part of his big plan.
As a longtime friend of Israel and Jesus, not necessarily in that order.
I know for a fact that what Jesus wants is more important than what humans want.
And what humans want is more important than what animals want, especially your haddock or your koala bear.
It's koala, not koa walla.
Bobo.
Koala.
Bobo?
Close enough.
Did you know the collar bear sleeps 21 hours a day and eats four pounds of leaves?
No wonder Jesus tried to extinct him all the time.
What a waste.
It should be the other way around.
Sleep four hours a day and eat 21 pounds of leaves.
Heaven is not the place for slackers.
You got to work to stay there.
Heaven is a lot like an iPhone factory in China.
Only you can't escape by jumping off the roof, for there is holy work to be done.
Well, what kind of work?
That is between you and Jesus to figure out.
Keep in mind, some will not make it to the Jesus factory.
If Jesus wants to kill everybody except good Jesus lovers, that's his business.
You see, I'm all about energy diversity, while Jesus is all about shooting up the joint.
Read your Bible, for it is holy.
What are your favorite dog names, Jimmy?
Well, our dog's name is Brownie.
That's kind of wimpy.
What about Champ?
Ranger.
Dog's name Champ and Ranger.
Kick dog butt.
Jimmy, can I be a political analyst on your show after this all blows over?
I'm miming that call me thing with my hand in my ear.
We should talk.
DM me.
So Trump is on a rampage.
He's just starting to make stuff up left and right.
I mean, he does that a lot, but now he's really starting to do it.
But when it comes to immigration, you ready for this?
Watch this.
The fact is, we don't have barriers, walls, call them what you want, but if we don't have very strong barriers where people can not any longer drive right across, they have unbelievable vehicles.
They make a lot of money.
They have the best vehicles you can buy.
They have stronger, bigger, and faster vehicles than our police have.
And then ICE has and then Border Patrol has.
What?
I thought they were walking.
I thought the caravan, they were walking a thousand miles.
I thought they were all, and that's why they leave water in the desert and they go and they taught what?
But turns out they're just driving these, these are the cars that even ICE doesn't have.
You know, that jackass would be kind of entertaining if he wasn't president of the United States.
So, do you want to hear it again?
It's funny when he just starts making shit up.
It is funny.
And this is kind of funny because he's just totally making this up.
The fact is, we don't have barriers, walls, call them what you want, but if we don't have very strong barriers where people can not any longer drive right across, they have unbelievable vehicles.
They make a lot of money.
They have to do it.
Unbelievable.
Where are these immigrants getting these unbelievable vehicles?
They got a lot of money.
Why are they coming here?
They already have money.
I don't know.
You'd think they'd go to Italy.
Why wouldn't they go to Hawaii?
Why are they coming here?
Best vehicles you can buy.
They have the most expensive vehicles you can buy.
They're driving Rolls-Royces.
They're driving Hummers.
What are they doing?
Really?
Trump is, look, he's even cracking up himself.
He can't even believe his own bullshit.
He can't even believe his own bullshit.
Can't even keep a straight face.
Stronger, bigger, and faster vehicles that our police have, and then ICE has Border Patrol.
So they're pretty good at that.
They have many users they go to.
It's like a highway.
And we have to close them up.
And if we don't close them up, you're all kidding yourself.
Yeah, we're the one kidding ourselves.
This is a guy, that's Mr. Straight Shooter.
We're all kidding.
We're the ones kidding ourselves.
Okay.
Okay.
All right, buddy.
Illegal immigrants are so cool.
No kidding.
Yeah.
So if they have these, these car, they have technology that we don't have.
Maybe we should let them in.
ICE doesn't have either.
And then ICE doesn't even have it.
There you go.
There's the technology.
Thank you.
Thanks for tuning in to Trump Make Shit Up on the Fly.
See you next week.
Hello, my good friend.
I am sure by now you know who this is.
But let me just say it anyway.
Yes, it is I, Charles Chuck Chaz Schumer, master legislator or but you can call me the shoe moon.
Hey, you know there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to jimmydorkcomedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Semerano, and Mark Van Landowick.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable Mike McRae who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
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