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Dec. 13, 2018 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:03:27
20181213_1213_TJDS_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Chuck Schumer's on the line.
Hello, Chuck.
Hello, my friend.
Did you see what I did?
Chuck Charles Schumer, master of the Senate, which Republicans still control, did you?
Huh?
No, what?
What'd you do?
Okay, well, let me set this up a little.
Me and What's your face?
We're in the Oval Office.
Nancy Pelosi.
May I please finish, you rash youngster.
Have you no respect for the office of the master of the Senate?
Sure, go ahead.
No, I'm sorry.
You go first.
No, no, no.
Chuck, you're doing it.
Go ahead.
You're sure?
Yes.
Okie dokey, let me unpack this for you.
Boy, I tell you, was there ever a clash of Titans in the Oval Office today?
Boy, oh boy, this day will forever be known as the day the Olympians did battle.
Wow, it sounds impressive.
You bet it was.
Trump threatened to shut down the government for that darn wall of his.
He jabbed left, Perry to the right.
There were punches.
There were counterpunches, but I stood my ground.
I held my wrist nervously and stared into the void.
It was very, very effective.
So he really riled you up, right?
Boy, did he ever?
I tell you, sometimes Donald gets me so angry, I feel like curling up into a little ball on the couch.
So what did you do?
I curled up into a little ball on the couch.
You should have seen me defiantly doing my famous impression of an armadillo.
No one can avoid eye contact like me, Buster Brown.
No one.
I am unchallenged on that.
So when he lied about stopping 10 terrorists at the border, you must have really objected strenuously, right?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I literally became that couch.
But did you or Pelosi challenge the 10 terrorist claim?
Boy, he looked in my direction and all he saw was couch.
Just a piece of furniture.
It was amazing.
I'm still shaking.
But the 10 terrorists claim, Chuck.
Yes, I had some good comebacks in my mind for that one.
You know it.
But when I'm couching, it's like I'm in another dimension.
Impervious to ordinary perception.
I was like Stretch Anderson.
Only instead of having the superpower to stretch, I had the power to create a big, unsightly crater on your sofa.
Don't you mean stretch Armstrong?
Is this one of those gotcha questions?
How many times did you and Nancy let him get away with the 10 terrorist claim?
Oh, maybe two or three times.
Nevertheless, I persisted.
I sat there and shapeshifted into a beautiful mid-century sectional.
Okay, that's bad.
Then I told him the border wall is wasteful and doesn't solve the problem.
All right, that's good.
And that's why we offered him $1.3 billion to build it.
Okay, well, that's bad.
So seriously, what did you and Nancy Pelosi accomplish?
What's their face and I showed the American people that we are very, very serious about keeping our government open.
And that's why we kept insisting he talked to us about it in some back room far away from the public and the press.
I'm still shaking, but it's a good kind of shaking.
Like I'm a jiggly, comfy sofa.
Hey, I just found my car keys in between my cushions.
Hey, I just found my car keys in between my cushions.
It's the Jimmy Door show.
the show for...
...the kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to T-Vales.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door Show.
Reminder, February 1st, our next live Jimmy Dore show.
It's in Burbank, California.
That's a Friday night, February 1st.
Go to Jimmy DoorComedy.com for a link for tickets.
Hey, let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Did you hear that the chief of staff John Kelly is going to leave the White House?
Did you know that?
He says he wants to spend more time having a non-existent, stabilizing influence with his family.
Did you see that Oval Office debate with Chuck, Chucky the Shoe?
Nancy Pelosi, Mike Pence, and Trump.
They're all in like 15 minutes.
They're yelling at each other, and it was all taped.
It was beautiful.
You know, I think it's pretty sad when you look at the so-called Oval Office debate and think, wow, Mike Pence is the only one in the room not making a complete asshole out of himself.
I mean, Mike Pence came off as the smartest person in that room, and it's only because he thought he was sitting for his portrait.
But I got to say, even George Herbert Walker Bush was more animated at his funeral than Mike Pence was at the Trump Oval Office meeting.
Hey, did you hear that they're not playing Baby It's Cold outside on certain radio stations because of the hashtag MeToo.
You know, can we just stop bashing Baby It's Cold outside people?
What are you going to tell me next?
That my dinglings about a penis?
Hey, you know what the biggest threat to the Republican Party in 2020 is?
Hip fractures.
Did you hear about the news about Teresa May?
Or should I say, Teresa, I'd like to vote no confidence if I may.
Am I right?
Come on.
Am I right?
You know, I'm glad the Trump administration's rolling back those nutritional guidelines for school lunches and jerry about that.
But it was way too strict.
It required kids to eat too many vegetables, you know, like pizza.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Showdown in the Oval Office.
Who stands up to who, Chuck Schumer or Donald Trump?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, Clinton and Obama staffers are joining up to defeat Medicare for all.
No kidding.
Congressman Jerry Nadler asks some questions about Russia Gate of Google CEO.
And what happens when a Russiagate pusher gets confronted with actual facts about Russia Gate?
The answer is hilarious.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Chuck Schumer, Chucky the Shum, talking about his meeting in the Oval Office.
And Jeb Bush, Rick Perry, and a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door Show.
Hey, everybody, welcome to Jimmy Dore Show.
I'm here with Ron Placone.
Hey, Ron.
Howdy, howdy.
Ron will be in Florida in January telling jokes.
If you're in Florida, go see him.
Go to ronplacone.com for tickets.
So everybody's talking about the big hoo-ha at the White House between Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and Donald Trump.
You know who else was there?
Mike Pence.
Yeah, he was sleepy.
He was sleepy.
He didn't say much.
Mike Pence thought he was just getting his portrait taken.
Mike Pence.
Anyways, so there they are in the Oval Office.
And now A lot of people are saying that this was good for Chuck Schumer and that Trump looked Trump looked bad because he had a temper tantrum.
Well, let's watch it.
And as you watch this, I want you to remember something.
By a 21-point margin, 57% to 36%, Americans think the president should compromise on a wall to avoid a government shutdown rather than stand firm.
So by a 21% margin, Americans think the president should compromise on the wall rather than shutdown.
So it's overwhelming.
People are on side of the Democrats' position here that shouldn't shut down the government over a wall.
In fact, 69% of the most recent poll from NPR, 69% of Americans don't think Trump's border wall is a priority.
That's seven out of 10 people don't think the border wall should be a priority.
So here, let's go back to the meeting at the White House with Chucky the Shoom.
And now let's watch how this goes.
In the House, a majority vote for a wall.
No matter where you're going to be.
Exactly right.
If I needed the votes for the wall in the House, I would have them in one session.
It would be done.
Go do it.
It doesn't help because we need 10 Democrats in the Senate.
It doesn't help folks.
So what's happening right now is actually Nancy Pelosi is pushing back correctly just a little bit.
So what Trump is trying to pretend is that he'll get the votes for the border wall in the House.
Nancy Pelosi says you don't have them.
That you don't have, you don't even have the majority.
You don't have all the Republicans voting for it.
And so he says, oh, I got him, but what I really need is for the Senate to give me 10 votes.
So it's the Democrats' fault because he needs 60 votes in the Senate.
It's the Dallas.
So now he can blame the Democrats.
And Nancy Pelosi keeps saying, you don't have to vote in the House, you big blowhard.
And so that's what this argument is about.
And so this is so Trump can blame the Democrats.
And because he doesn't have the, according to Nancy Pelosi, he doesn't have the votes in the House either.
So let's watch this.
I hate to take a vote in the House where I will win easily with the Republicans.
It doesn't help to take that vote because I'm not going to get the vote of the Senate.
I need 10 senators.
That's the problem.
You just say my way or we'll shut down the government.
We have a proposal that Democrats and Republicans will support to do a CR that will not shut down the government.
We urge you to take it.
And if it's not good border security, I'll do very good borders.
And if it's not good border security, I won't take it.
It's what.
Because when you look at these numbers of the effectiveness of our border security, and when you look at the job that we're doing, you just said it is effective.
Can I be, can I tell you something?
Yeah, you just said.
Without a wall, these are only areas where you have the wall.
We want to do it.
Just look at this body language.
Trump is right in his face.
Hey, listen, buddy.
This is what we're doing.
And there's Chuck.
Okay.
At some point, I think he actually melts into the couch at one point.
We're going to watch.
Watch.
Walls, Chuck, it's effective.
When you don't have walls, it is not.
Yeah, he looks like a kid that's being yelled at.
Yes.
He's just like, I know I did something bad.
He's like, well, okay, if you want to say that.
G-Ma.
Here's another clip.
But we want, one way or the other, whether it's through you, through a military, through anything you want to call, I will shut down the government.
Okay, absolutely.
And I am proud.
And I'll disagree.
I am proud to shut.
Do you see that?
Do you see?
We disagree.
He won't even look him in the eye.
Look him in the eye, confront him.
No, you're, how about you turn around and go, hey, I thought that Mexico was going to pay for this border wall.
That was your big thing.
Mexico's going.
Why doesn't he say that to him?
Why didn't he say, you know, 70% of Americans don't want this to be a priority?
This is on you.
This is all about.
Why doesn't he say that?
He's just sitting there kind of cowering.
On the government for border security, Chuck, because the people of this country don't want criminals and people that have lots of problems and drugs pouring into our country.
Chuck is all hunching over, and Trump is right in his face, towering over him.
Look how he's towering over him, and he's fucking giving it to him.
This looks great for Trump.
This might even win him some independence on this issue.
Let's play a little bit more of it.
Oh, I will take the mantle.
I will be the one to shut it down.
I'm not going to blame you for it.
The last time you shut it down, it didn't work.
I will take the mantle of shutting down.
So that's why some people are celebrating that.
Because, you know, like people that are saying, oh, this was great for the Democrats.
They're celebrating it because, you know, their take on it is Chuck Schumer got Trump to admit that he's willing to own a shutdown.
I don't share that optimism for a number of reasons.
First of all, you're assuming that this media cycle is still going to be fresh in people's minds come December 21st.
Right.
That's a while from now.
That's a little bit.
That's not going to be the case.
And second of all, I mean, yeah, when you first watch it, it does seem like Trump comes off, is kind of brutish, whatever.
But that has worked for him so far.
So he could kind of wear that.
And it's not a guarantee that that's going to go politically not in his favor.
Does it typically in the past?
Yeah, typically that has been the case, where if you, the person that causes the shutdown, it doesn't look good for them politically.
That's typically the case.
Can we assume it'll be the case this time?
No.
Yeah.
No, especially when it's against feckless mother effers like Chuck Schumer sitting there like a boy getting whipped.
This is your time.
You're face to face with Trump.
This is your time.
This is your time to say the stupid racist policy.
This is that.
And where's Mexico funding it?
You said Mexico was going to fund it and you can't even do that.
Yeah, they have all public opinion on their side.
On their side.
And they didn't use any of it.
I mean, there are 1.3 billion.
Nothing.
He had nothing to say to them.
So afterwards, then he gets his head together and this is what he says.
Trump shutdown.
This temper tantrum that he seems to throw will not get him his wall and take off the fucking glasses.
What are you doing?
Why do you want to look like the Charmin toilet paper man?
What are you doing?
Maybe that's where his courage is kept.
Oh, he's like Samson.
Samson was in his hair.
His is in his glasses.
That's right.
Because he sounds strong and stern there.
Why don't you just put a tattoo on your fore instead of doing this?
I just is a suggestion.
Instead of doing this, just get a tattoo on your fore that says douchebag.
Same effect, right?
Then hashtag resistance on the neck.
What the fuck is this?
Who are you?
Who are you doing?
You're out there trying to inspire people, move people.
That's the guy.
And it'll hurt a lot of people because he will cause a shutdown.
If he sticks to his position for a $5 billion wall, he will get no wall and he will get a shutdown.
The bottom line is very, very simple.
And that is we want border security.
We offered him border security, but Americans know that the wall, not paid for by Mexico anymore, is not the best.
Now he remembers it.
Yeah.
Now he remembers to say it.
You had the guy right in front of you with every camera in the world pointed at you and you didn't say it then.
And by the way, here's why it's another win for Trump.
All this is happening on his terms.
Whenever he's in a bad position, he shifts to immigration.
He shifts the topic to immigration.
You guys caved on DACA.
You guys already offered him a billion and some dollars for his wall.
He's already winning this.
And now he looks even stronger.
I'll shut it down.
He's not afraid to say it.
And I bet you that does not come back to bite him in the ass.
Because he has, again, conventional wisdom is out the window with Trump.
And nobody ever wants to be seen as responsible for a government shutdown.
Now he's saying, give it to me.
So that's why they're saying, oh, it's a big, they think they won.
This makes makes you look like a, you look like everything people say you are.
A feckless, spineless, do-nothing.
The optics are all in Trump's favor on this one.
They had him right in front of him.
They didn't mention the Mexicans are going to pay for it.
They didn't mention that.
The fact that they're even willing to offer a penny.
Right.
I mean, it's ridiculous.
I mean, seven out of ten people don't want the mother-friggin thing.
And they're offering him, but we'll give you a go.
$1.3 billion.
Yeah, $1.3 billion.
What?
And any compromise where I supposedly lose, but still get $1.3 billion.
Sign me up for that.
I'll lose those for the rest of my life.
And by the way, Trump is always going to blame the Democrats for any immigration problems because you didn't give him his wall.
So he's always going to have that.
It's never going to go away.
His argument, Trump's argument.
You know what I'm saying?
You're never going to be.
Oh, well, Trump's never going, well, the Democrats did enough on immigration.
He's never going to say that.
He's never going to go.
The Democrats did.
They came around and they did it enough on border security.
They really did.
That's never going to happen.
He's always going to use that and hold it over your head.
Why would you fund the wall at all?
If you're willing to shut down funding the wall over $5 billion, why wouldn't you really willing to shut it down over $2 billion?
Shut it down.
It just again, this is.
Yeah, and if they actually stood up against the wall and said, look, the wall is not an efficient solution.
It's not an efficient idea.
Then they could kind of put it back on Trump and be like, hey, if there's issues, it's because of this guy because he has these unrealistic goals and pursuits.
Right.
And tell me what else we could get for that $5 billion.
How about do that?
Tell me what else we could have for $5 billion.
I mean, I can think of a couple things.
How much would it cost for like a high-speed rail system inside the city?
Yeah.
Right?
How much would that cost?
Healthcare, education, infrastructure.
$5 billion.
Even just $1.3 billion.
Hell.
Let's invest that into something better.
So there you go.
The big Trump's big meltdown.
Again, the Democrats are still playing by the old rules.
They think that Trump's saying that, oh, he's going to take credit for the shutdown.
It's going to hurt him.
Well, we'll see.
Nothing's been correct so far.
He hasn't paid a price for anything that you guys, that he's done.
You guys couldn't make the Republicans pay a price for not seating a Supreme Court justice for a freaking year.
You couldn't make them pay a political price for that.
Yeah, I mean, when I first watched the video, I did think, like, I was like, well, I certainly don't think the Democrats have anything to be happy about, but I can see how Trump supporters don't have anything to be happy about either.
But then when I watched it a second time, I was like, wait a second.
The only people he's turning off, Trump, the only people Trump's turning off are the people that already don't like him.
Right.
Like, there's not going to be any.
It's the same thing with the Jim Acosta.
It's the same thing with all the Russian games.
This doesn't have an effect on people who don't already hate him.
It only is catnip for people who already hate him.
Right.
Okay.
Good luck, Chuck Schumer.
Thanks for remembering the thing about Mexico paying for the wall after you left the office and after the cameras were off inside the White House.
That was fantastic.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy, this is Chuck Schumer.
Hey, Senator Schumer, how are you?
Look, I'm not doing very well.
No?
No, I'm afraid not.
That confrontation with the president yesterday, I have a little touch of PTSD.
Really?
Do you know what that is?
Yes, of course.
Post-trauma sadness depression.
Or something like that.
I diagnosed myself.
You know, I really think that a psychiatrist needs to diagnose you with that.
Jimmy, please stop yelling at me.
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I'm not yelling at you, Senator Schumer.
I'm trying to help you.
And believe me, when I'm yelling at you, you will know it.
I just, I, I just, oh, I do everything I can to avoid confrontation.
And then all of a sudden, I get called in there in that room with the cameras and the things and the whatnots.
It was just too much.
It's okay, Chuck.
I'm tough and stern when I'm giving speeches by myself.
That's a whole different story.
Just getting up there and saying racism is bad and everyone claps for you.
It's like getting a massage.
Right.
But going head to head with another person.
I, oh, I, I just can't do it, Jimmy.
And when they raise their voice, oh, forget it.
If they raise their voice, you can just forget about it.
Tell the whole cast and crew it's a wrap.
We're all going home early because forget about it.
I see.
Well, Chuck, we're going to need you here.
Is there anything you can do about this condition?
I mean, any treatment?
No, it's hereditary and it's fatal.
Hereditary.
What the?
Yes, my father had this exact condition, and it got worse and worse throughout his life.
He became more and more timid until it actually killed him.
It literally killed him?
Yes.
He was in the Bronx, and a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that was on a leash barked at him and he dropped dead.
Oh, no.
I know.
He just couldn't handle the confrontation.
Well, this is grim.
You're telling me.
Well, what does this mean for your Senate leadership?
It means if Trump says, I want to build a wall, I say, how tall?
Well, this is just great.
Yeah, well, Nancy is good at this confrontation stuff.
I'll let her handle it.
See where it goes.
I'll handle my side, the speeches and grandstanding and what have you.
Okay.
Bye, Senator.
Racism is bad.
Bring me the head of Roger Waters.
Oh, I'm going to go see that Welcome to Marwin movie.
That looks like a good movie for a giant like me.
Goodbye, Chuck.
Rob Reiner.
So they had the Bush funeral.
And I love Rob Reiner.
I know I bust his balls, but just because he's powerful and rich and a little out of touch about what's really happening, right?
So he's one of those guys.
He hates Trump.
I get it.
But then he also pushes a red scar.
And a guy coming from Hollywood should know way better than that.
But everyone's doing it.
So, I mean, they're doing it on Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes and the whole everybody, CNN, the New York Times, Washington Post.
They're all doing it.
So you can't almost blame him.
But I always looked at Rob Reiner as being way smarter than me, which I'm sure he is.
The interesting part, too, is that Rob, even as of recent, he has his moments of clarity, too.
Like he'll occasionally make these videos that I think are great.
He made a video criticizing the Democrats that was very on point.
Not too long.
Like really six months ago?
He just said how they've basically become a fundraising machine.
Really?
And he talks about that.
He talks about how people are just so fed up with the establishment that we just have different sex on our political spectrum now.
So he still has plenty of moments where he's like right on the ball.
And then you see stuff like this and some of the other stuff.
And you're like, what?
What's going through your head?
And this isn't this stuff.
Right.
I mean, this isn't.
And by the way, this isn't horrible.
Sure.
But this just goes to show you.
Well, that's weird that he could have clarity and also push Russia Gate.
That is crazy.
Anyway, some of my best friends push Russia Gate.
Me too.
It's tough.
He says, couldn't help but be moved watching President George Herbert Walker Bush's memorial service.
I could.
I could help be moved.
I could help.
No problem being moved.
George W. Bush.
And, you know, I don't want to be a dick, but it was a war criminal, and he lied us into the Iraq war.
People don't even know that he did that.
They made up that thing about incubators.
Nobody wanted to go to war.
They make up this thing about Iraqi soldiers taking incubators out of the babies out of incubators and throwing them on the floor.
And boy, oh boy, when they did that and then they went out in the press everywhere, that was a turning point.
That was a turning point of public opinion for the war.
And the next thing you know, we invaded.
And then they committed war crimes during that invasion, right?
So it's tough to see people get moved over the death of a war criminal and a bunch of other war criminals are there eulogizing him.
So it's really, really is tough for me, honest.
So, but, you know, this is that part of that mythology.
You want to believe that your country's better and your country does good things.
And we don't.
I hate to break it to you.
We're the biggest, according to Chomsky, biggest terrorist program in the world is run by the United States.
So to see that much love expressed through devotion and humor from his family and friends is truly inspiring.
Some other things that inspire Rob Reiner, CPAC Keggers.
The camaraderie.
You just can't help it.
Let me just say this to Rob Reiner, who got it.
By the way, I love, respect him, love his work.
Would love for him to cast me in one of his movies.
You and I both, man.
Well, not going to happen.
But let me just say this to Rob Reiner, who is a great artist.
It's the holiday season, Rob.
If you want to be touched by something, watch a holiday movie.
At least those fantasies never cause an illegal war.
To see that much love from family, friends, or former presidents who are obligated to be there is truly inspiring.
Am I right?
Just look at those front row people that have to be there.
I'm sure Jamie Carter couldn't wait.
Couldn't wait to stop building houses for the poor to go to go eulogize some war criminal, right?
Who propped up George, propped up Ronald Reagan and his voodoo economics.
Rob Reiner, he is an intellectual who apparently can't grasp that evil people can have friends.
Hey, Rob Reiner, you know where else you can see love and devotion from friends and family?
Any other funeral or wedding.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's why we have these things.
It's when you show that side.
Yeah.
I know it's shocking that these people like the Bushes are actually human, but that doesn't mean we need to celebrate them.
The Bushes are truly an evil, evil family.
I can't put it any other way.
Jeb Bush brags about taking health care away from poor people.
So, you know, he does all that horrible stuff.
You drug test unemployed.
They're just horror.
They're just mean people.
And what?
Well, and I was just going to add to that.
What I don't understand about, you know, the media cycle surrounding all this, why do so many people feel this moral obligation to humanize an entity that dehumanizes people so often.
Oh, well put.
Well put.
Well, I love Underneath Winklebro.
I don't know if you can see.
The fact Bush was a war criminal doesn't bother you.
Question.
Again, I know I'm not going to ever be invited to Rob Reiner's house for New Year's because I'm sure I've criticized him on Twitter plenty and he's seen it.
But there's a good chance he doesn't remember who I am.
And I just love his work.
I loved his work as a kid when he was on All in the Family and I would watch reruns.
I loved his, oh man, he was in that Woody Allen movie, Bullets Over Broadway.
He was great in that movie.
He's, of course, also directed Princess Bride, right?
Wasn't that it?
Yeah, he's great.
He's great.
Oh, also, Harry Met Sally, didn't he?
Did he direct that one?
I'm pretty sure that's one I guess.
Anyway.
So here's what Andy Pederson says.
He says, replying to Rob Reiner, this is how great George Herbert Walker Bush was.
Ted Cruz retweeted Rob Reiner.
And if you look, there it is.
Ted Cruz retweeted Rob Reiner.
Got that cruise bump.
That's kind of funny.
That's kind of funny, right?
Yeah.
I think so.
I don't know what it is about the funerals of war criminals, but it does bring out the worst in everyone, doesn't it?
I saw Alan Simpson.
So I turned on briefly yesterday when they were doing the George Herbert Walker Bush funeral.
And they had that Alan Simpson, the ex-senator, who wanted his big claim to fantasy.
He wanted to cut Social Security and Medicare his whole career.
That was his big thing.
Truly heartwarming.
Truly heartwarming.
He was, we can't afford it.
We got to cut it.
And so he was up there giving a eulogy about George Herbert Walker Bush, who was famous for not having a sense of humor.
George Herbert Walker Bush, famous for not having a sense of humor.
And he talked about what a great sense of humor he had the whole time.
Even though he ribbed him, he goes, and he could never remember a punchline ever.
And it was funny when he said it.
But then it's like, well, how could you be complimenting his sense of humor if the guy couldn't remember a punchline?
And anyway, it's just funny to watch them just make stuff up.
Black is white, up is down.
They talk about how loyal he was.
He had a mistress most of his marriage.
They talk about how loyal he was.
He brought his mistress with him to China.
He could never remember a punchline unless he was taking a picture with a young girl.
Then he could one punchline he remembered.
David Copperfield, you remember that punchline?
So, Rob Reiner, thanks for providing me a jumping off point for this segment.
I hope you don't take it personal, and I hope we can work together in the future.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show: you become a premium member.
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Hello.
Hi, it's me, Jeff.
Please don't act like there's nobody on the line.
Hi, Jeb.
Bye, Jimmy.
It's me, Jeff Bush, Governor Jeff Bush.
But you're not the governor anymore.
So?
And yes, thanks for asking.
I'm still in mourning.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Big boo to the hoo, right?
Oh, come on.
When is this gosh dang darn funeral going to end already?
Jeb, your dad's funeral isn't over yet?
Heck no.
This thing's longer than Pole Dark.
It's like a merchant Ivory production.
My dad's memorial has more stages than Wells Fargo.
Those are some pretty funny jokes, right?
Sure.
Halfway through my dumb brothers' watery-eyed pity party, I yelled, hey, Barry Linden, when's the dang intermission?
You didn't really say that, did you?
No, but I've on my head.
You know what else?
I wasn't even allowed in the front row with all the grown-ups.
I know.
Where were you?
I had to sit at the kids' table.
Why was that?
They told me there'd be ice cream, but I don't care because I'm going to outlive them all, and then I'll be king of the family.
No more yes, dad, or yes, George.
From now on, I'll be yes, Neil.
You're right, Neil.
Neil's a real genius of the family.
Weekly shows his real stuff, right?
I'm so scared.
I don't understand.
It must be hard adjusting to life without your parents, huh?
No, I'm scared because he asked me to host the Oscars.
I mean, I barely have a tight five.
Can I try my opening chunk out on you?
Your opening chunk?
Good evening.
Ladies and gentlemen, honored members of the industry, and those of you watching at home, please clap.
But anyway, folks, when I was first approached by the Academy to host this award show, I politely declined.
I explained I was currently dealing with the persistent stress of playing nursemaid to a racist, misogynist, out-of-touch fossil whose legacy lingered for years while the country squirmed.
But enough about the Academy.
Is that it?
No, I follow it with.
But anyways, folks, please clap.
Pretty good, huh?
Fighting, and at the same time, self-deferential.
I didn't know they already found a host.
I'm still on the running with John Kelly.
Hello?
Please don't hang up, followed by a lonely dial tone.
Oh, come on.
Jeez.
He, Obama administration, and Clinton campaign Democrats are joining with lobbyists to crush Medicare for all.
Yep, that's right.
More than a dozen groups formed the Partnership for America's Healthcare Future.
That's a vehicle to defeat Medicare for all.
America's health insurance plans and Blue Cross Blue Shield Association founded the coalition alongside the Federation of American Hospitals, the big drug lobby pharma, and the American Medical Association.
This is the actual death panel.
You know, a recent Reuters poll said that 84.5% of Democratic voters support Medicare for all.
Yet top Democratic Party staffers, including Obama and Clinton alumni, are mobilizing to destroy Medicare for all.
Maybe Obama and Clinton's people don't really give a fuck about anything except money.
I mean, if they gave a fuck about people suffering without healthcare, why would they be trying to crush Medicare for all?
I'm here with the miserable liberal and Ron Placone.
Hey, how are you guys doing?
Oh, my God.
Now I'm really miserable.
Well, we're going to talk about this because new article in Politico says establishment looks to crush liberals on Medicare for all.
So, and by the way, the sub-headline there is the sub-headline there is the coalition that fought Obamacare repeal has fragmented as the party tries to follow through on campaign promises.
So, you know, there's a bunch of progressives that have come in to well, not so there's Justice Democrats, 24 new congresspeople ran on Medicare for all.
So there's a lot more energy around the Medicare for All movement in the House among the progressive Democrats.
And this, they're saying that this is going to be a rift between them and the corporate Democrats or the rest of the establishment Democrats.
I hope it is.
We'll see.
Let's look at this article.
It says this rift could come into full view in the opening weeks of the new Congress as the party, long bound by a need to defend the Affordable Care Act, tries to embrace a new healthcare vision it can carry into the 2020 presidential campaign.
So let's just keep going.
It says House of Democratic leaders already are emphasizing the need to align behind a more pragmatic agenda.
Ron, what do you say about pragmatic solutions?
There is nothing pragmatic about an incremental solution to a catastrophic problem.
There we go.
30 million Americans don't have health coverage.
30 million.
Catastrophic.
30 million.
And by the way, most of the bankruptcies in America are caused by lack of health insurance.
And most of those people who go bankrupt have health insurance.
Catastrophic problem we have.
I have health insurance, the most expensive I could purchase.
And the last two procedures I wanted to have, they got denied.
So I have to pay for them out of my pocket.
And it's not like you want to have them because you're just asking for, like, I just want a procedure.
No, it's required.
You need it.
I went to a doctor and the doctor said, you need to have this done, this test.
Specialist and my GP both said, you got to have this test.
A doctor who never met me says, no, you don't need it.
Isn't that hilarious?
Oh, okay.
Why don't I just call Blue Cross and tell them what my symptoms are and they can just diagnose me because they obviously don't have to meet me.
Don't give them any ideas.
So the House Democratic leaders are already emphasizing the need to align behind a more pragmatic agenda focused largely on shoring up Obamacare without peering too far into the future.
We want to continue promoting the idea of accessibility and improving the Affordable Care Act said incoming ways and means chairman Richard Neal, Democrat from Massachusetts.
That should be the primary goal we have.
No, the primary goal you have should be instituting an actual solution to our health care problems, which Obamacare isn't because it's a right-wing healthcare giveaway to big pharma and the health insurance companies that doesn't have cost controls and leaves 30 million people out.
So that's not a solution, you fucking dick, and you know it.
These are Democrats.
Democrats sounding exactly like Republicans.
Exactly.
And they all have health care.
And the guy who said this, he has fucking healthcare up his ass.
We want to continue promoting the idea of accessibility.
What a dick.
It's evil is what that is.
That's not pragmatic.
That's fucking evil.
You're denying 30 million people health care in the richest country in the world.
And you're forcing other people into bankruptcy just because they got sick.
More than a dozen groups intend to press the point next year through the Partnership for American Healthcare Future.
That's what I mentioned at the top.
The Partnership for America's Healthcare Future.
That's the vehicle to combat an expanded role in healthcare, government role in healthcare.
That's the vehicle to combat Medicare for all.
But they're also against public option.
They're also against that.
They're also against lowering the age, the public option, which is, hey, you don't have to buy healthcare from Blue Cross or Aetna or somebody else is going to dick you over.
You can just buy right health insurance from Medicare.
You just buy it from them and they'll charge you whatever going rate is.
And then they're not dicks to you.
They won't do that.
Yeah, the subheading for the partnership is, in the future, everybody dies, so we're fine.
So we're fine.
Yeah.
So America.
Aren't they at all worried that anybody who's a Democrat that supports them now is going to die?
They don't care.
No.
The people who support them are the donors from big pharma and the health insurance industry.
That's who supports them.
And the Wall Street people who have stock in those companies.
That's who they serve.
So America's health insurance plans and the Blue Cross Blue Shield Association helped found the coalition alongside, we already told you that at the top.
And here is that organization, the Partnership for America's Healthcare Future, the Partnership for America's Healthcare Future, it says underneath there.
The Partnership for America's Healthcare Future, the P-A-H CF.
That's catchy, huh?
P-A-A, the PACS.
Slides right off the tongue, yeah.
The PACS.
Their mission is to improve what's working in healthcare and fix what's not.
You know what's not working?
Privatized for-profit healthcare with a third party that administers the payment, meaning that third party being a for-profit insurance company.
That's what's not working.
You know what does work?
Medicare.
Medicare works like a charm.
Medicare saves money.
It's got the lowest overhead of any insurance program in the country.
And by the way, it's the most popular health care program in the country.
Medicare.
But, Jimmy, this is Partnership for America's Healthcare Future, and it shows two hands clasping one another.
I trust it.
It's red and blue.
That's what Republicans and Democrats can agree on giving away money to corporations and lobbyists.
Well, that's the thing.
That's why this emblem is very accurate.
See, what you can't see, go to the graphic, Arna.
What you can't see there is that the red hand is actually sliding the blue hand money, and then they wink at each other.
It's a good partnership.
Yeah, they're palming it like a good tipper does.
You palm that too.
Exactly.
Yeah.
The partnership, the partnership, some of whom members began discussion within weeks of Senate Republicans' failed Obamacare repeal vote in July 2017, is planning to launch a campaign featuring ads, polling, and white papers playing up the private sector's role and warning against further disruptions to the health system, people involved with the group.
Do you see how they see the language these PRC pukes have thought up?
Oh, people don't want any more disruptions to the health care.
Oh, we do if it means I don't ever get a fucking bill again and I get health care and I don't go bankrupt when I'm sick and I never have to worry about it again.
I would like that disruption and I'm sure everyone in the country would.
Oh, except for the people making money off of keeping me sick.
Disruption.
You see how they're doing that?
Isn't that clever how they do that?
Disruptions.
Nobody wants disruptions.
You mean covering everybody for less money?
Yeah.
You mean like that disruption?
Yeah.
What about the private sector's role?
You mean the thing that should be non-existent?
Non-existent.
That thing, that role they should have.
Avalier, that's the name of a consulting firm that Democrats often leaned on to highlight the dangers of GOP repeal bills, is producing research for the coalition.
So this group, Avalier, that's a consulting firm that the Democrats always work with.
And to highlight the dangers of the GOP and their repeal agenda of Obamacare, they're now providing research to the coalition that wants to kill Medicare for all.
So this firm that usually works with Democrats still is, by the way, because most of the Democrats want to kill Medicare for All too.
By the way, Avalier founder Dan Mendelson, former Clinton White House official, now working to crush Medicare for all.
He declined to comment on the firms were exciting a policy of not talking about its clients.
Hey, Jimmy.
We're a PR.
We don't like to talk about our clients.
We like to keep that on the DL.
Jimmy, can you remind me again what Hillary Clinton said?
Medicare for all will never come to pass.
Yay, I'll vote for you.
You got my vote, lady.
Things are never going to get better in this country.
Vote for me.
And you know, every time I hear the phrase pragmatic progressive, I'm thinking fun Republican.
That's it.
That's all you get.
You're not going to get anything that's going to help you as an individual.
They might tell you a good joke, but they're not going to really help you.
There are fun Republicans, though.
Yes, that's why I'm saying, you know.
Yes, okay.
The partnership, the partnership, has also received support from Lauren Crawford Shaver.
Who's that?
A veteran of the Obama administration's Health and Human Services Department.
Is that all?
No.
She also worked on Hillary Clinton's 2016 campaign.
What's she doing now?
Well, she's running its operations out of the lobby shop Forbes Tate Partners.
That's who these people are.
These people are indistinguishable from Republicans, except when it comes to who can use bathrooms, I think.
We believe Americans deserve access to affordable, high-quality health care.
But a one-size-fits-all government-controlled system like Medicare for All isn't the answer.
Literally a right-wing talking point.
One-size-fits-all.
That's literally what you'll hear on Fox News.
That's what Republicans say.
That is verbatim.
They're not even disguising it anymore.
They're not even being more polite anymore.
That is a right verbatim, a right-wing talking point.
Hey, I'm out of health care.
Well, I have a system that provides it to everybody and for less money than you're spending now.
I don't want that one-size-fits-all.
Can we have some different sizes that don't really work first?
That one size that fits all that works, that's shitty.
Makes me uncomfortable.
So the Democrats want to preserve Obama's legacy around a failed health care plan that wasn't even his plan in the first fucking place.
That's kind of amazing.
We need to strengthen the Affordable Care Act and make it more appealing, said the corporate Democrat as they take a container of glitter out of their pocket.
Hope fairy dust.
The more you know.
So let's finish this.
But a one-size-fits-all government-controlled system like Medicare for All isn't the answer.
Well, why don't you ask the people who are on Medicare right now if they think that's a good answer?
And they'll all agree.
It is what an asshole this guy is.
Shaver.
Oh, it's not a woman.
It's a woman, I mean.
This is Lauren Crawford Shaver.
So it just goes to show you women are just as big as money-sucking assholes and enemies of the people as any guy could ever be.
So there's your identity politics.
There's a woman fucking over people with health care right there and just bullshitting you, gaslighting you with right-wing talking points like the corporate cash sucker that she is.
She said, Shaver said, predicting it would restrict choice and innovation.
They're not even original with their, I mean, they're taken out of the Republican playbook.
This is like from you mean as soon as you provide health care for everybody, no more innovation.
Nobody knows.
You know what?
I don't want to star out anything else with the science business.
We're done with science.
We're going to give you one size fits all.
And nobody wants to put the decisions regarding our health care in the hands of politicians in Washington.
That's not how it works.
Nope.
It would be in the hands of my doctor, and then my doctor gets a cash payment from the government.
That's it.
It'd be the hands of my doctor and me.
You know what you want to have?
You want to put it in the hands of a for-profit bureaucrat who never met me.
Like now, the CT scan I got for my sinuses that they wouldn't cover, that got, you know, got put in the middle?
Some doctor I never met at Blue Cross said, I don't need it.
And that's what she's advocating for.
That is what Hillary Clinton Staffer is advocating for.
And now you know why Hillary Clinton sucked so hard and couldn't even beat an orange clown political novice because these people are bankrupt.
They're morally bankrupt and they're politically bankrupt.
They represent no one except money.
And these are the people now that the progressives have to fucking work with.
I'm sorry, Steph.
Go ahead.
What's outrageous is the cost of that CT scan was $500.
And we know what $500 means to most people in America, right?
Aren't they $500 for a year?
People can't order.
Yes.
So like you need a procedure.
You need that test.
You're not even asking for medication.
No.
You're asking for this so as to make sure how you can be medically treated in the future.
I'm just asking for a test.
And they're giving, and they're denying it.
Right.
I'm not into the treatment stage.
They just denied me the test.
Boy, what a piece of garbage this woman is.
Former top Obama campaign aide, Eric Smith, also a piece of it, has also been involved in running communications for the partnership.
Though he told Political his relationship with the coalition is ending in the next few weeks.
Oh, he would no way at all.
He would ever want to.
What happened?
What happened, Eric?
You get a job at fucking Raytheon?
You get a job with Blackwater?
Where's your next job, you piece of shit?
Well, this time of year, there is a chance he was visited by three spirits.
Yeah.
Stay optimistic.
Officials from several groups express confidence that public support for Medicare for all will plunge as people become more aware of the trade-offs it would require.
Oh, yeah, I bet you fucking doesn't.
Boy, those 30 million Americans who don't have coverage, they're going to go, well, what's my trade-off here?
What's my trade-off?
I get coverage or what?
Or what?
30 million Americans are suffering.
And they're more worried about the insurance company's profit margin.
Yes, they are, Steph.
That's called a Democrat.
We are convinced here that whether it's on the state basis or federal basis, they literally say this.
Incremental change is a real possibility and is doable, says Kenneth Rasky, president of the Greater New York Hospital Association.
One of the loudest voices in the 2017 against both ACA repeal and state-level single-payer effort.
So they want to screw you over on the state level and the federal level, but they love the ACA.
Why?
Because it's a big boom for the insurance company and for big pharma.
But a real solution, Medicare for everybody, they don't want you to have that.
So this is, again, this guy, Kenneth Rasky, another scum of the Earth asshole who is pretending he's a respectable person and he's fucking not.
This guy is the scum of the earth and he knows exactly what he's doing.
He's denying you health care and he doesn't give a shit.
Why?
Because there's money to be made in denying you health care and he's all about making money.
He's not about making sure sick people get taken care of or the 30 million Americans who don't have health care get it.
He's about making fucking money and he doesn't care if he has to deny you healthcare to get it.
That's who this Kenneth Braski is.
These people are fucking psychopaths.
That's what Kenneth Rasky is.
That's called a sociopath.
That's what Kenneth Rasky is, a fucking sociopath of the highest order.
And I bet he wears a suit and tie when he says stuff like this.
I don't see how anyone even sees this as a debate.
Look, look, here's a basic rule in politics.
When one side has a policy idea that would fix our health care system and the other side just has a bunch of buzzwords and no ideas, that other side isn't looking out for your best interests because those buzzwords are all they have.
And that's what this is.
Yep.
And, you know, the bulk of these people, Clinton and Obama staffers.
And you wonder why we got Trump?
You still think it was probably because of that meme of Bernie as a gay guy or arm wrestling Satan.
I bet you that was it.
I bet you it was $4,700 in Russian advertisement on Facebook that beat that $2 billion behemoth Clinton machine.
I bet it was that $4,700.
It wasn't this.
It wasn't because the Democratic Party has morphed into assholes like this.
This guy is not a decent fucking person.
Just so you know, just because you have manners while you're killing someone, that doesn't mean you're a nice person.
That means you're scummy.
Because let's remember that good manners are the last refuge of a scoundrel.
And that's what all these motherfuckers are.
Scoundrels of the worst order.
He goes on to say, in New York, we have a 5% uninsured.
Why do we want to have 100% solution to a 5% problem?
What a fucking insidious dick this guy is.
Don't you just want to just go to his house and wait for him outside?
You go, can you fucking please explain to me?
So you're just an asshole, right?
Just admit it.
Just admit you're an asshole, Kenneth, right?
You're an asshole.
And you don't give a shit about people, right?
I'm sure he lives in a gated community.
You got to deny a lot of health care to people to afford those gates at the gated community.
His stupid sentiment is echoed inside Democratic circles by strategists fearful of squandering the party's advantage on healthcare and losing the support of industry groups that have proved helpful in recent health care fights.
Do you hear these mental gymnastics these assholes are doing?
It is quite impressive.
I mean, first of all, it's ridiculous on many levels, but at the most basic level, it's assuming that all the people that actually have health care are happy with it, right?
And don't go through the same BS you went through.
A lot of people do.
It happens all the time.
I mean, when Michael Moore made the movie Sicko, the first few examples he gave, and he did it intentionally, were of people who had healthcare.
Yeah.
And we're still getting screwed over by our messed up for-profit system.
So it's almost like corporations are in charge of our government.
It's almost like that, Steph, isn't it weird?
Medicare for all skeptics point to the lengths the Obama administration went to, went to secure industry support for the ACA prior to its passage in 2010.
An effort that did little.
Listen, this is just an effort that did little to insulate Democrats from eight years of political blowback.
Yet another major government health care expansion could be even more painful, they say.
You know why there was eight years of blowback against Barack Obama's health care plan?
Because it was a shitty health care plan with no cost controls that left out 30 million people.
That's why there was blowback against it because it was shitty and there wasn't a public option.
And you know why it was shitty?
Because it had industry support.
That's right.
Because that's what it had to do to secure industry support.
That paragraph could literally just be summarized as Democrats warned, don't make the donors mad.
Yes.
That's what this paragraph says.
And who are the skeptics exactly?
Because they aren't those 30 million Americans without health care.
No, well, the Medicare for All skeptics are the freaking corporate Democrats.
That's who the Medicare for All skeptics are.
From a political perspective, it's really a high priority to keep the focus on the Republicans and what Republicans have done to harm healthcare, said Brad Woodhouse, whose pro-Obama group, Protect Our Care, played a central role in the repeal fight.
So what this guy, Brad Woodhouse, is advocating is the Democrats have no ideas.
What he's saying is keep your focus on the negative.
Keep saying how bad the other guy is because you don't have a fucking message.
That's his advice.
This sounds like Hillary Clinton campaigning, which lost you to Trump.
That's what it sounds like, right?
That's what that sounds like, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Keep your focus on the re- They're bad.
We're not as bad as they are.
How about you actually have a positive agenda that people like and want to come out and vote for?
So he's saying get people to come out and vote against something instead of get people to come out and vote for something.
And that's a losing strategy, Brad.
But I guess you don't really give a shit.
No, because it's easy to defend a bad health care plan when someone comes up with literally an anti-healthcare plan.
Yeah.
The country just isn't ready to rip it up, meaning our healthcare plan, and start over again.
Yes, they fucking are.
What world do you live in?
You think those 30 million Americans are ready to rip it up?
Yes, they are.
You think the people who go bankrupt because of medical bills, number one cause of bankruptcy in America, medical bills, you think those people are ready?
Yes, they are.
Or how about all the people who have technically have health insurance yet can't afford their deductibles so they don't get treatment until it's too late?
Well, Elizabeth Warren happens to disagree with that, Jagoff.
She says, people across this country have worked through for themselves the public debate on the government's role in healthcare, and America has shifted, said Senator Elizabeth Warren, a Medicare for all supporter and likely 2020 presidential candidate.
People across the country have worked through for themselves the public debate on the government's role in healthcare, and America has shifted.
So there you go.
So now, again, every story, that's another story.
Another reason why we got Trump.
People are hurting in America, and the Democrats pretend they have a solution, and they don't.
And they gaslight you.
Instead of offering you a solution, the Democrats are gaslighting you and saying, oh, nobody wants to rip it up and start over.
Yes, they do.
I want to rip it up and start it over.
How about you?
Hey, you were able to bail out the banks.
Right?
How about start bailing out the people?
Right?
You have plenty of money to bail out banks.
You have plenty of money to go to war.
How about we fund peace and we fund Medicare for all?
If we could have Medicare for all, would you be willing to rip up the system you have right now, Steph?
Yes.
How about you, Ron?
If we could have Medicare for all, would you rip up the system we have right now?
I actually think it's kind of fun, like doing the online sleuthing and wondering if there's a doctor that takes my insurance and wondering just how much of the medicine I'm going to have to pay for.
So while I will miss that fun internet sleuthing, I think I'd be willing to compromise here with the Hoi Polloy.
Yeah, yeah.
Compromise and actually have a system that's less expensive and covers everybody.
Yeah, it sounds okay.
That's how one size fits all.
That's what I'm worried about.
That's what I'm really worried about.
Yeah, because it's like I get to go online.
I'm like, I'm going to figure out my size.
I don't even know what it is.
Does this doctor take my insurance?
I don't know.
Wouldn't you want a couple of sizes that don't really fit?
Yeah, because that's part of the process, you know?
It's like finding the right guitar.
Okay.
Why don't you make fun of Trump more?
laughter laughter Rick Perry's on the line.
Wow.
Hello.
Happy days of Dreidel, my Jewish friend.
As a friend and great supporter of the Jews, I feel your pain, though.
I do not care about it that much.
Oh, thank you, Governor, but I'm not Jewish.
Then, hello, citizen of Americans.
As you know, I'm not only the 14th Secretary of Energy, but I'm also the foremost governor of the nation of Texas.
Texas is the biggest economy in the universe, and that's universe with a capital Y. Universe with a capital Y?
I'm glad you asked, sir or madam.
Yes, my work calendar has been full with the bounty of important things I have been doing, but not so important that I get noticed by anyone.
Because as Jesus warned us in the book of jobs, the enemy of secure employment is getting noticed.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorkComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Semerano, and Mark Van Landowick.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
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