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Sept. 13, 2018 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
While I was busy milking my grass-fed alpacas, my message machine became filled up with calls from people denying that they had anything to do with that anonymous New York Times editorial.
Hello, everybody, and to whom it may concern, I did not write that editorial.
I would never say such things about my Republican colleagues, so you can just get that out of your minds immediately, all right?
And as a gesture of goodwill, I just might fast-track another 15 judges for the president.
It's important that we work together as a team so I can keep my job.
This is former Governor Rick Perry.
Donald Trump can't even say the word anonymous right.
Wow, even I can say the word anonymous.
He can't.
Oh, and I did not write that New York Times artiterier.
I mean, orditorial.
I mean, Danny Terrio.
I love dance fever.
This is Temporary Attorney General Jefferson B. Sessions.
I did not write that editorial, but I did say I thought the KKK was okay until I learned they smoked marijuana.
This is Barack Obama.
I just called to reflexively say John McCain was a hero.
Okay, bye.
Heidio, Jimmy Dore, you miscreant.
This is Mittens to the Rim Rob Romney on the blower.
And I just want to make it clear to that barn load of diminished intelligence bedwetters that you called audience that I could never be capable of writing something as insulting as that editorial.
Oh, and don't miss me on Jay Leno's garage this week where I locked the family dog inside the trunk of my 65 Corvair.
Okay, I just want to reciprocate that there is no way I could have written that editorial in the New York Times.
First of all, I'm not even part of the Trump administration.
Wait, what?
Oh, not again.
Why didn't anyone tell me?
This is Senator Bernie Sanders.
It is clear to me, and I'm sure to the American people, that the bottom 99% of that New York Times editorial was written by the top 1%.
This is unsustainable and clearly a threat to our democracy.
Nobody cares about me anymore.
I'm going to go eat worms.
Lord Star.
Lord Star?
You think I ruled that?
Look, I may ride horse with shirt off in front of photographers a lot.
But even I'm not crazy enough to use such a stupid word.
Stop the bullying.
Jimmy, this is Liam Neeson.
This is very important.
I need you to listen very carefully, for I will only be able to say this a few times.
Or as often as you need to hear it in case you need to take notes or something.
Or I can just mail it to you if you like.
Doesn't matter to me, really.
Okay, are you ready?
I know who wrote that editorial.
His name is Anonymous.
Clearly, this is a Greek name.
So you may want to start your search by eliminating every place in the world that is not Greece.
Canada, for instance, is not Greece.
Step two would be to call up Greece and threaten to hurt them unless they release your daughter, who has been taken.
A sport, Lodestar Clooney here.
Just so you know, whoever wrote that editorial eats like a moose.
I'm throwing a big Halloween bash in Vegas.
Kim, Adam, Leo, Toby, Sylvester, Ryan, Courtney, and Seth are all going to drop by.
So don't even think about coming.
Kidding!
We love you, bro.
But stay away, Lodestar.
Lodestar.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the up-minded, lowly-lovered lefties...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you about you.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Door.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door Show.
Next live, Jimmy Dore show, October 12th.
That's a Friday in Burbank, California.
Links for tickets at Jimmy DoreComedy.com.
Hey, let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
It was, hey, it was 9-11 this week.
And, you know, I wanted to help commemorate the worst act of terrorism in U.S. history, but I think the Lakota Indians have already had enough of our shit.
I mean, let's face it, America is just a loose confederation of prisons, tanning salons, amusement parks, coal mines, and gun factories, copiously dotted with memorials and cemeteries.
That's America.
And I just want everybody to remember on 9-11, never forget that George W. Bush and his administration are verifiable war criminals.
Hey, recently, you know, the election's coming up in November, and Democrats asked Jimmy Carter how they can appeal to independents.
Hey, everybody, the largest voting bloc in America is millennials.
Let's ask this 93-year-old guy how to get them.
There's a big hurricane headed for the East Coast.
It's probably already there if you're hearing this show.
And I would be worried that Trump will screw up the response to Hurricane Florence, but I'm so reassured knowing that the anonymous op-ed writer guy is there to take papers off his desk if he needs to.
Wait, I wrote this a few days after 9-11, and I think it still holds up to today.
Where the fuck is my hat?
Okay.
Is that stupid?
I like it.
Did you see the Kavanaugh hearing?
They said there was a woman flashing white power signs behind him.
You see that?
Why would anyone even bother to sneak in a white power hand signal during the Supreme Court congressional hearing?
I mean, for starters, it's redundant.
For more on the story, we now go to MSNBC body language expert Janine Driver.
Hey, you see, Barack Obama gave a good lecture to Trump on bullying.
And all I have to say is, why does the man who dropped 26,000 bombs a year on civilians, extraditially assassinated citizens on foreign soil, never prosecuted Wall Street for destroying the lives of millions of Americans, gave the Gulf back to BP, helped fund the Saudi genocide in Yemen, and six new illegal wars on brown-skinned people for oil, routinely threatened journalists and whistleblowers with prison, and gave Congress to the Tea Party.
Why does that guy get to lecture anybody about bullying?
Hey, did you see Sarah Palin and Donna Brazil are joining together to go on a speaking engagement in Florida.
Did you see that?
Boy, I can see the line at the refund table from my house.
Hey, lefty news site, Think Progress has been applauding and cheering Facebook censorship.
Turns out, Think Progress just got Facebook censored.
CNN reports on the attempted assassination of Maduro in Venezuela and then ends up debunking their own report.
New York Times calls Andrew Cuomo sleazy and then endorses him for governor.
Not kidding.
Plus, we got phone calls this week from Barack Obama, the Pope.
Pope Francis calls in.
Plus, Rick Perry and a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door Show.
Everybody, welcome to Jimmy Door Show.
I'm here with Steph Samorano and Ron Placone.
Ronnie going on tour in November, right?
Yeah, November.
I'm going to Sacramento, San Francisco, Austin, Texas, and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Tickets for all that's available now at romplacone.com.
So in New York City, the Democratic Party put out a mailer that smeared Cynthia Nixon.
It called her, it called her an anti-Semite, that she supported BDS.
She didn't do that.
And the New York Times then wrote this.
Andrew Cuomo owes Cynthia Nixon an apology.
A last-minute mailer from Democrats wrongly describing Ms. Nixon as an anti-SEN as anti-Semitic is a disgrace.
And that's by the editorial board at the New York Times.
Now I'm going to show you how messed up the New York Times is.
Do you want to know how crazy and backward thinking the people who actually run the New York Times are, their editorial board?
I'm going to show you.
And this is going to blow your mind, but get ready.
You know, the mainstream news is worse than you think, right?
Okay, just so I hope that, you know, that's why I have a show, right?
This is from their editorial, from the editorial board at the New York Times.
So what they called what Andrew Cuomo did or the Democratic Party did, and they're saying Andrew Cuomo is responsible because he's the freaking governor of the state.
It says this is dirty politics.
Nearly as sleazy as it gets.
Talk about what Cuomo's doing and he owes the apology.
Days before voting Thursday in Governor Andrew Cuomo's primary race for re-election, the New York State Democratic Committee has sent voters a campaign mailer falsely accusing his challenger, Cynthia Nixon, of being silent on the rise of anti-Semitism.
It says she supports the boycott divestment sanctions movement against Israel over its treatment of Palestinians.
She does not.
It accuses Ms. Nixon of opposing tax-supported funding of yeshivas, the private religious schools attended by many of New York City's Orthodox Jews.
She has never said that.
With anti-Semitism and bigotry on the rise, we can't take a chance, the mailer reads, re-elect Governor Cuomo.
This is the lowest form of politics.
This is the New York Times editorial board saying this.
Call it sleazy as it gets, the lowest form of politics, and it's the most dangerous, exploiting the festering wounds and fears along ethnic and religious lines.
Wow, this sounds horrible.
I mean, this sounds like they want Andrew Cuomo locked up almost.
That's how bad this is.
How could you support somebody that dishonest?
While Mr. Cuomo is at it, he might also mention that Ms. Nixon attends a Manhattan synagogue.
Saturday night, her rabbi, Sharon Kleinbaum, issued a joint statement with her wife, the teachers' union leader Randy Weingarten on Facebook, calling the charges in the mailer a baseless lie.
Other Democrats have also condemned Mr. Cuomo and the Democratic Party for the flyer.
Given all the ethical lapses in Mr. Cuomo's administration, in which he has also pleaded ignorance, this smear is appalling.
So now it's as sleazy as it gets, the lowest of the low.
It's dangerous.
And his ethical lapses and smears are appalling.
They go on to say it's the kind of cynical behavior that detracts from Mr. Cuomo's often impressive ability to govern.
If he's not careful, it could make voters think they have no choice but to vote for someone else.
You mean he's being careful?
If he's not, he's being, that's, that anti-semitism smear was him being careful.
And they do have the choice to vote for somebody else.
Turns out they do have the choice.
That's what a primary is.
So let's just get this straight.
I just want to get it straight.
I want to see all the stuff.
They said dirty politics, as sleazy as it gets.
It's the lowest form of politics, most dangerous.
It's also appalling.
And then they go on and says Mr. Cuomo deserves a third term because of his potential to lead.
You know, Jimmy, he says what's on his mind.
The lowest form, the dirtiest, the smeariest, the worst, the lowest of low in politics.
And by the way, we endorse him over Cynthia Nixon.
And now you know why people get their news from YouTube.
You're going to listen to these son of a bitches.
You're going to let these pieces of it, these establishment oligarchs who don't give a crap about you or the fact that you don't, or the fact that half the country's locked up for freaking marijuana and 30 million people don't have health care and the people who do still go bankrupt when they get sick and everybody's barely treading water.
These people at the New York Times do not care.
They know what Andrew Cuomo is.
They know how disgusting and the lowest of the low he is and they still endorse him.
I cannot think of another thing that is more mind-blowing in politics than this.
This trumps Donald Trump.
And then it even gets worse.
How could you be worse than that, Jimmy?
Call him every name in the book and then you endorse him because of his potential to lead.
Hey, he's a two-term governor.
To be sure of it, this is the next paragraph.
To be sure of it, New York Democrats need to turn out in large numbers on Thursday to support every reform-driven candidate possible.
Except Cynthia Nixon, the one at the top of the ticket.
We're going to endorse the most corrupted, lowest piece of it that we've ever seen in politics.
We're going to endorse him because we're the New York Times editorial board.
And then we're going to pretend that we care about reforming the party.
And we're going to say that is them exactly what Chris Hedges says.
This is the establishment knowing all the words you're supposed to use when it comes to democracy and then doing everything they can to blow democracy up.
So this is them saying we've got to come out and support reform-driven candidates.
What about Andrew Cuomo?
Not that one.
You mean not that one?
Which ones?
Well, we're not going to really say.
They need to support every reform-driven candidate possible for the legislature, for attorney general, even the party committees.
They could teach Albedi a lesson if they won't soon forget.
Who's going to teach you a lesson you won't soon forget?
The New York Times.
New York Times, Cuomo is corrupt.
New York Times, Cuomo is really, really corrupt.
New York Times, it's a freaking bonkers how totally corrupt Cuomo is.
Vo Cuomo.
I'll throw it over to my panel.
What are you, what any, any, are your minds as blown as my mind is over the.
I mean, I know the New York Times is going to go after, they're going to support every war and every corporate dis, but doing it in the same editorial where you call him out for how corrupt he is and then endorse him.
How can you ever take this people seriously ever again?
But, Jimmy, I mean, that reasoning deserves an award.
The reason he deserves a third term is because he has the potential to lead.
He has been governor since the year 2011.
He has potential.
We would have seen it by now.
Well, yes, he's been, he's been, he's a two-term governor.
He has the potential.
When does that stop being the potential?
When do you start being a leader?
He hasn't let on anything except bad things.
You know, to call your charm.
To call your, you're, somebody who's running against you anti-semi.
It's like, I don't understand what's happened to our nation, that that's what all these campaigns are boiling down to right now.
Just they're smearing everybody.
And, you know, some people are pointing out Cuomo must be pretty nervous about Nixon to be putting out this kind of flyer.
He must be feeling the heat.
I hope so.
I think that's what it is.
Yeah.
Well, that's Steph.
This is just another one.
I mean, it doesn't come down to this, but it comes down to just any dirty trick possible by the establishment.
I mean, look, they called Bernie Sanders a sexist.
They called Bernie Sanders a sexist.
They called Bernie Sanders racist.
So now when you call Bernie Sanders a sexist and a racist, you render those terms meaningless.
The people who want those things to stick when you call Trump a racist and Trump a sexist.
Well, now they are not going to because you say the same things about Bernie Sanders.
That's how dumb people are who do that kind of thing.
That's how dumb and desperate the establishment is.
I'm just completely intellectually lazy, too.
Because I mean, especially this flyer, it shows not only is it a totally unwarranted smear of her, but it's also a gross oversimplification of the BDS movement.
Yes, it is.
And by the way, she doesn't endorse it.
Now, what did she say?
So people are saying, no, no, she did 10 years ago, 10 years ago.
She signed a paper that says they joined some 200 signatories, including actors Ed Asner, Cynthia Nixon, Mandy Patankin, and Theodore Bickel, and playwright Tony Kushner.
And the headline is group set to boycott of Israel troop in New York.
So she signed that letter.
That wasn't BDS.
That was specific about something else.
And in fact, there's another couple of people on there who sign it who also don't support the BDS movement.
That was a specific thing over a specific thing.
So people are going to try and confuse you with that.
So that's why I'm putting it in there.
Don't let them confuse you with it.
By the way, here's something Andrew Cuomo said back in 2007 when Barack Obama was running.
This just, in case you still aren't sure about Andrew Cubo, he said this, Iowa and New Hampshire require you to do something no other races do.
He's talking, so this is in the context of Barack Obama running for president.
They require you to do something other races do, you know, and I like it.
And I agree with you.
It's a good thing.
It's not a TV crazed race, you know.
You can't just buy your way through that race.
It doesn't work that way.
It's frankly a more demanding process.
You have to get on a bus.
You have to go into a diner.
You have to shake hands.
You have to sit down with 10 people in a living room.
You can't chuck and jive at a press conference.
You can't just put off reporters because you have real people looking at you saying, answer the question.
You know, all those moves you can make with the press don't work when you're in someone's living room.
Who do you think he's referring to when he says you could chuck and jive?
So that was Andrew Cuomo.
Just so you know, if you had any more doubt, if you had any doubt, I hope that erases it.
Rumor has it at the end of that, he also said, get off my lawn.
And that wasn't for whatever reason.
New York Times endorsed that guy.
New York Times.
New York Times.
He deserves a third term.
He deserves a third term because he has a potential.
It's right in that.
How stupid is that?
Because of his potential to lead a third term.
He might become a leader.
We've given him eight years.
We're not sure.
We've given him almost a decade.
So if you need, this is the same establishment that's these are the same people who populate the Democratic Party, the people who write stuff like this.
These are the same people who donate to the Democratic Party, people who write stuff like this.
Way to go, New York Times.
Thanks for the help.
All right.
On next live Jimmy Door show, October 12th in Burbank, California.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
It's a live Jimmy Door show.
Have you ever been to one?
They're unbelievable.
Abby Martin's going to be on that one too.
Abby Martin, who came on our show and talked about Venezuela because she knows something about Venezuela.
And I just want to show you how CNN reports stuff, right?
So the mainstream news can make anybody seem crazy.
Even though the mainstream news is the one who spreads conspiracy theories about the Iraq war and Saddam having WMDs and how we need to go into Libya and how we need to go into Syria.
They spread fake, false narratives about war all the time.
Plus, Jake Tapper just came out and decided to tell you that Medicare for all doesn't save money.
Then they went on the next week to completely lie about Lanny Davis and what he said.
So the CNN is really proving Trump right and they're his best body because they keep screwing up.
Here's some more of it.
So here's how they, there was an a, there was a coup attempt on Maduro in Venezuela, right?
So here's how CNN covered it.
The apparent attack happened while Mr. Maduro was giving a speech on live television during a military ceremony.
This is the picture that Venezuelans saw.
You can see him and his wife react to the first explosion and then you see this.
Officials say drones armed with explosives detonated near him.
There was a second explosion and soldiers broke ranks and scattered.
Video also shows bodyguards surrounding President Maduro with shields and taking him off the stage.
That's when he's rushed to safety.
Hours later, Mr. Maduro addressed the nation again.
He revisited a conspiracy theory that he uses often, blaming an international right-wing plot for trying to oust him.
Row addressed the nation again.
He revisited a conspiracy theory that he uses often, blaming An international right-wing plot for trying to oust him.
A conspiracy theory he uses often that there's an international right-wing plot to oust him.
Why would they frame it that way?
He revisited a conspiracy theory he uses often.
There is a, he's in the middle of being, they're trying to assassinate him.
And you're calling him crazy that he has a theory about who's doing it.
That literally happened.
They tried to assassinate him.
And he's, this guy thinks there's a plot.
If someone was trying to assassinate you, you'd be totally objective.
You would say it's a lone gunman.
I say it's Lee Harvey Oswald who's doing it.
I say it's one bad apple.
Probably one person.
So let's watch the rest of this report.
Watch this.
The president also accused outgoing Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos of being behind the attack.
A source with the Colombian government tells CNN that the allegation is baseless.
Mr. Maduro also had this message for U.S. President Donald Trump.
Preliminary investigations have indicated to us that there are various financial backers of this attempt on my life.
They live in the United States in the state of Florida.
Hopefully, President Donald Trump's government is willing to fight these terrorist groups, which are attempting great attacks against countries on this continent.
In this case, Venezuela.
Okay, let's examine what we know.
CNN's Rafael Romo has been speaking with Venezuelan officials.
Can you try and reconstruct what we know happened today?
Yeah, I had a phone conversation with the Venezuelan Attorney General earlier today, and I asked him specifically: is there any evidence linking the Colombian government to this, as President Majudo claims?
He refused to answer the question.
I also asked, what about the claim that the United States or people living in the United States had anything to do with it?
Crazy, right?
What about that?
Again, they're talking about all of this without really showing any evidence, and they haven't shown anything so far.
And it's the same pattern that we've seen.
It's almost like WMDs in Iraq.
They won't show you any guy.
We'll show you any guy of evidence.
Before something happens, it is always the far right.
It is always Colombia.
It is always the United States or the Empire, as they like to claim.
But the Attorney General.
This is a reporter.
This is a reporter doing.
And what is he doing?
He's repeating government talking points.
United States government talking points, CIA talking points.
This isn't reporting.
Because he wanted, because he's saying, oh, did you hear what he said?
It's always some right-wing.
It's always somebody in the United States.
It's always like it's crazy.
Conspiracy theory.
You ready for this?
Here we go.
This is also CNN.
CNN is learning the Trump administration held secret meetings with rebel officers in Venezuela to discuss plans to overthrow the country's president, Nicolas Maduro.
Hey, is he revisiting that again?
Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
That's us saying it.
Is he revisiting this thing that he uses a lot?
It's always a.
That's your own goddamn network.
And Jeremy Diamond is joining us live now.
What more can you tell us on this?
That's right.
A current and a former U.S. official are telling me and my colleague Elise Labbitt that U.S. officials did indeed meet secretly with Venezuelan military officers to discuss a possible coup against Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.
These U.S. officials met with these renegade Venezuelan military officers in several covert meetings over the last year, and these meetings happened abroad.
Washington ultimately decided against supporting this coup against the Venezuelan president.
We know that this White House has taken a very firm stance against Venezuela.
They've issued numerous sanctions, and we know that the president has said in the past that he is still considering a military option.
He has kept open that possibility.
We also reported earlier this summer that the president had previously talked to aides about the possibility of invading Venezuela.
That did not happen.
And we also now know that this coup that U.S. officials discussed did not happen.
The United States ultimately decided against providing these military officers with any support for this possible coup.
And that coup ultimately did not become a reality.
But this is, of course, a pretty significant new thing that we're learning in terms of how seriously the Trump administration was considering action against the current Venezuelan government.
And of course, given the troubled U.S. history of involvement in coups in Latin America, this certainly would have been very, very significant.
Given the troubled history of American involvement in South American coups.
But if you listen to the other report from CNN, Maduro's nuts, conspiracy crazy, that there's some plot that involves America and right-wingers outside of his country to overthrow him.
They just report that.
You know why?
Because the CIA told him to report that.
Why else would you report that?
Why else would you report that?
Just remember how CNN reported it, how crazy Maduro was.
It hasn't shown anything, Sophie.
And it's the same pattern that we've seen before.
Something happens.
It is always the far right.
It is always Colombia.
It is always the United States or the Empire, as they like to claim.
But the Attorney General.
But, you know, my reporting says the United States doesn't interfere in other countries.
That's CNN.
Watch this.
This is also CNN.
CNN can now confirm that President Trump asked a number of his top foreign policy advisors last summer about the possibility of invading Venezuela.
But that guy's nuts.
It's another pattern.
He thinks, Gates crazy.
He thinks America wants to overthrow him.
Why?
Because they're trying to overthrow him.
What a crazy conspiracy nut, huh?
Do you see how they use that term?
Do you see how the news media has taken that term from the CIA and now they have weaponized it?
And now they use it against anybody they don't like or somebody who's telling the or anybody who tells the truth about war.
They call him conspiracy theor.
Maduro, crazy conspiracy.
Oh, except it's not a conspiracy, is it, at all?
CNN can now confirm that President Trump asked a number of his top foreign policy advisors last summer about the possibility of invading Venezuela.
I'll throw it back.
Anything to say about this, my panel?
I see how they were skeptical at first.
I mean, how often does the U.S. get involved in other countries' affairs?
Yeah, they were just like this is a surprising first time for everything, I suppose.
Yeah, why not?
Why not make it look like Maduro's a maniac?
Why actually give him any credence to the fact that he's saying what's happening is something that's happened over and over and over and over again, and we know about it.
I mean, if you read General Smedley's book, that's all you need to do, and you'll know exactly what we're doing.
Well, the two reporters are standing there, and when the one reporter says, you know, and we see this thing happen time and time again, an event occurs, and then they start saying that it's something to do with the country or Colombia or the United States.
And then they have no evidence.
I don't know.
Maybe the evidence of a drone, attempted, you know, assassination of Maduro might be evidence of somebody trying to kill him, right?
Yes.
But there was no, there was actually no investigation done to like, oh, well, they're claiming Venezuela is claiming this, but we actually did some investigation and found that a drone was made somewhere.
Like, there's no nothing.
Just like he said this, and we're going to say he's crazy for saying it, even though it fits the pattern of what's always happened in South America.
That's CNN.
Troll's trusted name and news.
Now, do you know why people don't trust CNN about anything?
And you probably shouldn't.
This is what happens when capitalists buy the news and then they put profit ahead of everything.
Because that's all the CNN is not about news.
I hate to break it to you.
The last thing that they care about at CNN is news.
The first thing they care about is ratings.
The second thing is ratings.
And the third thing is ratings.
And that's it.
They could not care less about climate change or bringing you the news you need or informing you.
CNN, shittier than you ever thought, right?
Yeah.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show: you become a premium member.
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Hello, this is Jimmy.
Jimmy, it's Top Francis.
Oh, hello, Your Eminence.
It's been a long time.
To mortals such as you and I, yes, it has been what seems a long time.
But in terms of God's eternal kingdom, it has been but a blink of an eye.
I see.
Okay.
Jimmy.
Yes?
Jimmy.
What?
When are you going to come back to the church?
Never.
Oh, well, what a shame.
Is this why you called?
No, no, I have a message for your listeners.
And what is that?
I want everybody to know that I have called a great meeting of the world's Catholic bishops to convene and discuss these problems of abuse in the Catholic Church.
Okay.
So there you go.
We will fix this problem, Jimmy.
Believe me, these revelations shock me and astound me to the core.
Now is a time for healing.
Yeah, now is a time for healing.
30 years ago, 40, 50, those were also times for healing.
Catholic priests have been creating the need for healing for centuries.
And you will be creating victims in need of healing for years to come, I'm afraid.
Jimmy, please, this...
This...
This...
This is no.
This is no?
No.
No.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
*pickling*
What do you mean?
These are gays, and I had no idea.
And they are mainly Irish.
What?
Or Irish-American.
Wow, you are starting to run all your excuses together and invent new weird ones, too.
I must say, very impressive.
This may not be a Catholic problem.
It may be an Irish problem.
Wow.
Look at the pictures of all of these accused priests.
They're all named Flanagan and Kerrigan, and they all look like bald Rosie O'Donnell's.
Okay, look, you know, I don't think.
Also, I had no idea.
All right.
Don't give me that.
No one falls for that anymore.
This abuse is literally just part of the priest's lifestyle, and everybody knows it.
No.
No.
No?
No.
My friend, don't allow yourself to become a mouthpiece for the vile anti-Catholic forces in the media and American society in general, which has always been present, even in the very beginnings of American history.
Yeah, whatever.
I'm not anti-Catholic because I'm a member of the Know-Nothing Party.
I'm an anti-Catholic because I grew up Catholic.
And I know what the clergy do, and I know how it gets covered up.
No, no, Jimmy.
The true faithful will remain with us through highs and lows, through the revelation and concealment of ghastly sexual abuse.
Amen.
Yeah, that's great.
Where are you planning to hold this conference anyway?
Well, we are not sure yet.
Several ideas have been tossed around, including a Chuck E. Cheese on a feeder road or a large park in a poor neighborhood somewhere where the children are allowed to play unattended.
Oh, God.
So we know what's been going on with the censorship, right?
And that a lot of people who consider themselves on the left have been applauding censorship by corporations by unnamed Silicon Valley billionaires colluding in an unholy alliance with the cabal of ex-government shady MFers who push every war.
They're the ones deciding, well, who gets free speech and who doesn't on Facebook?
That's literally happening.
And so a lot of lefty sites have been applauding this because it's because it's in their minds, it's been people they don't like, like Alex Jones.
And what I say about Alex Jones, you know what I've said?
Hey, there has to be a process that's open transparent and impartial if we're going to do this to people so if you're going to take someone's free speech away you have to say why it has to be adjudicated and it has to have an impartial judge That's not what's happening.
The exact opposite is what's happening.
And that's what we, we're not protecting.
We're not standing up for Alex Jones's crazy stuff that he says.
We're standing up for a principle that if you want to take someone down, you have to have it be transparent.
It has to be adjudicated.
There has to be a transparent process.
And there has to be an impartial judge.
Okay, so that's not happening.
And in fact, places like Think Progress, who consider themselves strong lefty news sites, they do good.
They do some good work over at Think Progress, but they also do horrible stuff like this.
So they're cheerleading on.
This article was a horrible article written by a guy named Casey Michael.
I guess that's how you, or maybe it's a woman.
Who knows?
Casey Michael.
You see that name?
Can't tell.
Casey Michael.
Can't tell which.
But anyway, in this article, it was just horrible.
They're just cheerleading on, and not one skeptical thing in this.
I'd read the whole article, not one skeptical thing about what they're doing.
They're just cheering.
They're repeating talking points from the government and the intelligence agencies, the CIA.
They're just repeating talking points from people like Bill Crystal and David Fromm.
They're just repeating them in this article.
Here's the kind of stuff that's in there.
In the article, Michael, that's a misspelling.
It should be M-I-C-H-E-L.
In the article, Michael documented Facebook's heroic efforts to shut down alleged Iranian propaganda outlets, ominously warning his readers that Russia is by no means the only foreign adversary exploiting social media's inherent openness.
Like that's a, that's supposed to be journalism.
You're just repeating what the government's been saying.
You're supposed to be skeptical.
Do you understand that you did an article that's highlighting Russian interference and Iran?
Isn't it weird that that would be the two countries?
Isn't that weird?
Really?
No other country has fake Twitter accounts.
No other country posts positive stuff about their own country on Facebook.
Just Iran and Russia.
Very good journalism, Casey.
And you know what, Jimmy, too, to say horrible journalism.
Yes.
To say that Facebook, to ever use the word heroic when describing Facebook.
No, no, no, she was doing that sarcastic.
She's being sarcastic.
Yeah, she's being sarcastic.
She's saying that their heroic efforts.
She's being sarcastic to shut down alleged Iranian propaganda outlets, ominously warning his readers that Russia is by no means the only foreign adversary exploiting social media.
What the is wrong with you?
In other articles for Think Progress, again, that's a misspelling, is repeatedly seen wagging his finger at Facebook and Twitter for not doing more to censor Russian propaganda.
More to censor.
So this is what Think Progress has been, has been, is doing now.
This is what it's come to.
Think Progress cheering on censorship by the corporate state.
In a July article titled Facebook says both sides share fake news, defends InfoWar's presence on its platform, Mark Zuckerberg has an interesting way of prioritizing high-quality news.
That's what it, wow.
Another Think Progress author criticized Facebook for not censoring Alex Jones.
Jones was then censored by Facebook the following month.
So in that same article, in this article, in this article, they single out Caitlin Johnson.
You want to hear what they say?
And as with the Russian campaign prior, these Iranian sites pulled in real actors in the West, especially those who have made a name for themselves as popular conspiracy theorists.
That's what they call people who debunk government propaganda about war.
Even in this goddamn Think Progress, if you go against war, if you go against the government narrative on war, they will smear you as a conspiracy theorist.
And what she's doing is she's debunking conspiracies, you knucklehead.
She's debunking the conspiracy of Russia Gate, debunking the conspiracy that Assad gassed his own people, debunking those conspiracies.
That's the opposite of being a conspiracy theorist, but it doesn't matter to the author of Think Progress because I don't even know what that fucking word means.
Well, Jimmy, Caitlin did promote the conspiracy that John McCain wasn't an awesome dude.
And then they, and then they, and so they go, especially those who have made a name for themselves as popular conspiracy theorists.
One, Caitlin Johnson, recently began writing for U.S. Journal.
That's one of the fake places that the Iran was using.
U.S. Journal with pieces over the past few weeks decrying the official narrative and claiming that corporate censorship is state censorship.
That's what makes her a conspiracy theorist, that she decries the official narrative.
She goes against what the government and the establishment says.
So that makes her, that's what you're supposed to do, you stupid.
That's what you're supposed to be doing.
You're doing the exact opposite.
Have you ever read Manufacturing Consent?
I'm guessing no.
And if you did and you still write like this, shame on you.
Your mom did a bad job raising you.
And then they list her.
This is what it's come to.
She doesn't write for that goddamn site.
That site reposted stuff that she had already written.
And she told the Think Progress about they didn't care.
They never corrected it.
So they're just as horrible as the people they're trying to decry.
They have fake news right in their article about fake news.
We've seen this happen time and time and time again.
We like to call it the fake news matrix.
Yes.
Yeah.
They did it to us.
CNN did it to us, had fake news in the article about fake news.
Washington Post had fake news in the article about us with the fake news.
It's amazing.
We just saw Jake Tapper do fake news about the cost of single-payer health care.
We just saw CNN do fake news about what Lanny Davis said about Trump's lawyer, Cohen.
We just thought we'd seen it all over the place.
And by the way, they're pushing the Iran.
This is all fake news.
This Iran, Russia, we got to be worried about the internet.
Oh, Facebook.
That's all bullshit.
This is just propaganda article from the government.
And they read it at Think Progress.
So when somebody tells me that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
That's supposed to be real news.
That's real journalism.
The Times Aren't called conspiracy.
No, they're not.
Isn't that funny how the Washington Post and the New York Times and CNN who pushed the Iraq war at the top of their lungs 24-7?
They're never called conspiracy theorists.
Although that was the biggest conspiracy of my lifetime, but they were just and it was sold to the American people through the establishment media.
The biggest conspiracy ever.
But nobody ever calls, nobody ever calls Bill Crystal a conspiracy theorist.
Nobody ever calls Dick Jenny a conspiracy theorist.
Nobody ever calls Brian Williams a conspiracy theorist or Chuck Todd.
Why?
Because they are.
I'm sorry, Ron.
Well, they were just patriots that made honest journalistic mistakes.
Really?
It could have happened to anybody.
So here they are.
Here's this big article of them cheering it on, cheering it happening and pointing out people who don't accept the official narrative and calling them smear names.
Hey, guess what?
Think progress, they just got censored on Facebook.
They just got censored on Facebook.
Hey, how do you get a lefty news organization to stop cheering on censorship by a shady cabal of ex-government officials and unelected Silicon Valley billionaires?
Answer: have that same cabal of ex-government shady MFers and unelected Silicon billionaires censor them.
That's how you get them to stop cheering on censorship.
Now, who knows?
Maybe they'll still keep doing it.
Maybe they'll still keep cheering censorship even as they're being censored.
And so, well, here it is.
I don't know if you can see that.
It says they got a false rating on content shared by Think Progress.
They got a false rating.
And you know who gave them that false rating?
The Weekly Standard.
They're part of the five groups that get to tell us who can be on Facebook.
One of them is that right-wing Weekly Standard who said the Iraq war was a great idea.
Who on the regular questions climate science?
The Weekly Standard.
That's who is now.
So they get to say, so they're an ultra, they're a right-wing maniacs, and they get to tell Facebook that a left-wing site is doing false content.
And they did, and they got hit with it.
Isn't that awesome?
Think Progress shared content that's been reviewed by the Weekly Standard.
See how fact-checking works on Facebook.
That's what it says.
So the Weekly Standard is one of Facebook's fact-checkers, the Weekly Standard, who pushed Iraq war.
They're a fact-checker.
Caitlin Johnson debunks wars.
Brett Kavanaugh said he would kill Roe versus Wade.
Fact check: Has Brad Kavanaugh stated he'd overturn Roe versus Wade?
To fight false news, Facebook reduces the distribution of misleading content while also providing additional reporting around HMAR story.
Pages and websites that publish and share false news will see their overall distribution reduced and their ability to monitor.
So if you shared that story by Think Progress, Facebook then throttles your content by at least 80% and your future content.
So that's what that means.
If you share this story by Think Progress, they're going to throttle all your stuff.
Isn't that something?
And why?
Because somebody at the Weekly Standard told them to do it.
Who knows?
Who at the Weekly Standard?
No one knows.
Was it Bill Kristol?
The guy who says it's important for governments to go to war even when the country's against it.
Here's what Glenn Greenwald said about it.
Congratulations to everyone who won, held up Bill Kristol and the Weekly Standard as a responsible, serious, admirable voice.
And two, urged Facebook to become the arbiters of who could and who couldn't be heard on the internet.
This is just the start of your work.
Why do I need Jeff Zuckerberg to tell me what I can read and what I can't read?
Or Mark Zuckerberg, what I can read and what I can't read on Facebook.
I can handle it.
You know what?
All my life, I've been going through the checkout at the supermarket, and they have the National Inquirer there.
And then they have the World News Daily.
It says Helio Monster on it.
I don't believe that stuff.
It's okay.
I can handle it.
Why does now Facebook think that they have to protect me like a nanny from bad news?
I can figure it out.
Because a lot of bad news comes from the Washington Post and MSNBC and the New York Times.
I can figure it out.
And then they're, and now, and now, because of this happening with Think Progress, now there's a lot of these pretend lefties, people who say they're on the left who are cheering on censorship.
Now they're all, oh, wait a minute.
This is, this isn't, Alex Jones was okay, but now we have to stop.
Now we actually have to have a system.
Now we have to have some kind of transparent thing because this isn't cool because now it's happening to us.
Just as dumb as anybody in the world.
These are the people on the left who, you know, push the establishment, shame you for voting third party, and are cool with wars.
This is, I love, she calls them out.
She goes, all the let me help you cheer for the establishment while pretending to oppose it.
That's who those people are.
So if you're for cheering on censorship, you are the people who they call, let me help you, let me help you cheer for the establishment while pretending to oppose it because you're not opposing the establishment.
All those pundits who celebrated Alex Jones coordinated deplatforming last month are falling all over themselves to spin this new development in a way that allows them to feel as though they aren't being proven wrong day after day after day.
But of course they are.
So you're going to see people report this story about Think Progress being throttled by Facebook because of the Weekly Standard.
And their hair is going to be on fire and they're going to have a totally different standard for platforming this as they did for someone else.
You got to have one standard.
You got to have one open, transparent process with an impartial judge.
You got to have that.
Or else you don't have a process.
Facilitating the censorship of anyone's speech is facilitating the censorship of your own speech in the long run.
And we're not even having to wait long to see it this time around.
Nope.
Happened really quick for Think Progress.
In a corporatist system of government, corporate censorship is state censorship.
The massive new media corporations being implored to regulate which political speech gets an audience and which doesn't have extensive ties to secretive government agencies and a vested interest in maintaining the status quo.
I'm just sitting here and I'm trying to think to myself: why would anybody want to participate with Facebook any longer?
Why would you want to go to that platform?
Why do you want all the censorship?
You know, it's like, I think they're, you know, like, let me ask you, Ron, you're a millennial.
You probably rarely use Facebook unless you're kind of like promoting a show.
Yeah, that's pretty much the only thing I use Facebook for.
Right.
That's what we do here at the show.
Twitter's way more fun.
Yes.
Yeah.
Also, corporate, corporate censorship is state censorship.
How is that a conspiracy?
That's a measurable observation.
Like, that is exactly what that is.
That is a measurable observation that can be tested and is actually true when applied to our system in the United States.
And let me just say this.
I was going to post and I told you so on Facebook, but Facebook already blocked me.
So Think Progress, Ron and Steph, Think Progress is now being throttled by Facebook and they're being censored by Facebook.
So I guess they're doing all the same things Alex Jones was doing, right?
Of course.
Or wait, I don't, or maybe they are, I don't know.
Maybe how.
I guess they weren't.
No, maybe they weren't.
Maybe we need like some kind of process to actually oversee this stuff.
Maybe, oh, maybe that's maybe that's why we need a process that's transparent and open that handles this stuff.
If only there were like laws that we already had that we could apply to social media platforms, like free speech laws or something like that.
Do we have those?
Are you kidding me?
Are there free speech laws?
That might be a thing.
Hmm.
We'll have to look into it.
Okay.
Well, you know, the old saying, first they came for Alex Jones and I said nothing because he's a jerk.
So then they came for me.
You know that saying.
It's a classic.
Facebook is getting so bad, I think Rupert Murdoch might buy it.
Can you believe that a website like Facebook, whose original intention was to rank the hotness of college chicks, got this one wrong?
Isn't that amazing?
That's great.
Really is.
Boy, you know, I have a t-shirt now.
It says, I celebrated censoring Alex Jones, and all I got was a blocked Facebook page.
We should sell those, actually.
That's pretty funny.
They'll block us.
Yep.
Hey, here's a joke for you.
Facebook, PolitiFact, and Snopes walked into a bar and everybody got dumber.
So do you want to know who actually.
So here, this is from the Think Progress article complaining about being censored, which is hilarious.
The Weekly Standard is one of the five outlets that enjoys the power to fact-check other people's work on Facebook.
The weekly standard.
The people who at the top of their lungs push for the Iraq war.
They question climate change on the regular.
They're one of the five outlets that enjoys the power to fact-check.
What that means is they can block you.
They have the power to say, that's fake, get rid of it.
Just like we showed you.
And then Facebook throttles all the rest of your content, 80%.
There are four other groups that can censor on Facebook.
It's the Associated Press and three outlets that specialize in fact-checking.
One, factcheck.org, which didn't they help CNN get it wrong about single payer?
Wasn't that who that was?
Yep, crew preferred.
So factcheck.org getting stuff unbelievably wrong on the regular.
Factcheck.org.
Just because you put fact check in your name doesn't mean that's what it is.
That was real.
I could not believe that factcheck.org and CNN both.
It took them both to come together to get something unbelievably wrong.
That's just amazing.
PolitiFact.
Also, I've also had problems with PolitiFact.
Again, just because you put fact in your name doesn't mean it is.
And Snopes, well, of course, Snopes.
Uh-oh.
No way.
If you want to know a celebrity gossip rumor, they gotcha.
Yeah.
That's it.
Yeah.
Like if you, right, if you want to know if Ethelvis had a gold toilet, you go to Snopes.
There you go.
They're going to get that for you.
Anything else I would not go to Snopes for?
Yeah, it's the same reason I don't go to TMZ for political information.
It's the exact same thing.
But like they have their lane.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Snopes is exactly.
Exactly.
Right.
So TMZ, I get your point.
I don't have to.
You know, but I also want to know, like, how do you decide that they specialize on fact-checking?
Do they have to get like nine out of 10 facts right to be a specialist?
Right.
Hey, hey, exactly.
Hey, can I see your tweets around the Iraq war?
Oh, if we only had Twitter back then, huh?
No left-leaning outlet has the special ability to fact-check other writers' works.
So Weekly Standard just put like a, they can just press a button or whatever, and it puts a ban on an article if they say it's false.
And then it gets throttled.
And then anybody who shares that article also gets throttled.
Yeah.
Get this.
This is awesome.
Earlier this year, Facebook also hired Republican Senator John Kyle of Arizona to lead an audit of alleged liberal bias at the expense of conservative voices at the social media juggernaut.
Kyle, according to Vice, was regularly ranked among the country's most conservative senators when he served from 1995 to 2013.
He's been hired by Facebook to lead an audit of liberal bias.
That's the guy they hired.
This guy, you know what else?
He was recently appointed to serve out the remainder of late Senator John McCain's term in office.
And shortly after Facebook hired Kyle to determine whether the site has a liberal bias, the Trump White House tapped Kyle to act as a judge, as Judge Kavanaugh's Sherpa through the confirmation process.
That's the guy.
That's who Facebook hired.
This is so, you, again, you're cheering on censorship.
And these are the people who are doing it.
And you still think it's okay because you don't like Alex Jones?
God damn it.
How dumb are you?
Dumber than me.
And I'm pretty dumb.
You're actually fucking dumber than me.
Like, this is awesome.
And by the way, I'm sure Think Progress, because they're very, they're very not radical left at all.
You know, they're there to make the centrist lefties feel good about being a lefty.
And or, you know, or feel good about being a centrist or whatever.
I'm sure that their throttling will be taken off because they have enough establishment friends to stick up for them.
Well, I think the biggest lesson here, like looking at a big picture again, if you find yourself defending corporate personhood over the greater good, you're wrong.
Like you're just wrong on that one.
Right.
So when you find you don't like Alex Jones, so you're going to defend Facebook's corporate personhood over the greater good.
It is time for a law and the law's not there yet.
The law hasn't caught up to technology.
It's time for a law that when there is a platform Facebook size, they need to follow free speech laws.
That law is not there yet.
We need it.
If you're defending their corporate personhood over That need because you don't like Alex Jones.
You're wrong.
You're not looking at it big picture.
And by the way, Facebook cannot be sued for anything that's published on Facebook.
There was a special law written just for them.
So it's not like, well, they have to protect themselves.
No, they can't be sued.
So they're just doing this to do it.
They literally are deciding.
So John Kyle, Bill Crystal, Mark Zuckerberg, they get to, in the secret, in dark, at their whim, get to decide who's got good political speech and who doesn't.
And Zuckerberg, he wants to run for office.
Hey, that guy wants to be president.
And so now he's going to have this whole website that, you know, he can go ahead and block anybody from that website that he doesn't, you know, any content, ultimately.
70% of Americans, the article I read said 70% of Americans get their news from Google or Facebook.
I don't know.
How do you track that?
So I don't know how they track that, but I'm guessing they can do surveys.
And, you know, people go on, when you get your news from Facebook, what they mean is that you get a news article in Facebook, you click on it, and then you go read it.
That means, so, but Facebook gets to decide if that news article is on Facebook or not.
Just like Google.
So when you go to Google and you type it in, hey, I want to learn about Venezuela or I want to learn about the Syrian war and you put that in the Google search.
They decide.
Google has an algorithm that tells you what news stories you get to read and what doesn't come up.
They're ranking it.
And right now, Google is working with China to figure out a way to have a search engine in China that censors stuff the Chinese government doesn't want you to see.
So they already know how to do this stuff.
So this is the world we're living in.
And again, I love now.
Now people on the left are like, wait a minute, we have to have some.
Oh, really?
Really?
Now you get it.
Now you get it.
That if you don't defend speech that you find fucking detestable and deplorable, then you don't support free speech.
That's not me talking.
That's Chomsky talking.
That if you don't defend speech, you find deplorable, you don't support free speech.
That's not a hard concept to understand.
You know why?
That's got to be the rule.
That's got to be the standard.
Because speech you like doesn't need fucking protection.
Speech everybody agrees on doesn't need the protection of the First Amendment.
That's why it's only speech we hate that needs protection.
Or speech the establishment hates or the corporation hates.
That's the speech that needs protecting.
Because right now we got places like Think Progress who consider themselves lefty cheering on censorship and smearing anti-war activists.
People who debunk conspiracies, they now smear them as conspiracy theorists because they don't even know what that word means anymore.
They're just repeating a CIA talking point.
Anything else?
We nailed it.
I think we nailed it.
I give you two likes.
Okay, thanks for the likes.
Looks like Rick Perry's on the line.
The last time he called, it was National Burrito Celebration Day.
I wonder what the occasion is today.
Happy 9-11 Day, everybody.
Woohoo!
Secretary of Energy Perry, are you sure you're supposed to celebrate 9-11?
I'm most certain of it, Jimmy.
You see, 9-11 is not only a time of mourning, it is also a time of celebration.
Or as I call it, a moorbration.
Ours is a society of hearty moorbiters.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorkComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right, it was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Step Samurano, and Mark Van Landowicz.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
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