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Aug. 10, 2018 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20180810_0809_TJDS_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
Oh, look who's on the phone, noted Hollywood Republican Vince Vaughan.
Hey, Vince.
Jimmy.
Hey, how you doing, Vince?
Jimmy, be careful what you say.
What?
What?
Don't say anything offensive or off-color.
Why?
Did you hear what happened to Alex Jones?
Yes, I did, Vince.
Okay, all right.
Well, good.
All right, first of all, I should probably let you know it's a well-known fact that I am kind of a Luddite.
Like, I don't even have an email address or a cell phone, and I never have.
So I don't really understand this stuff at all.
Okay.
To be honest, I don't even understand what the internet even is exactly.
I think it's where the lawnmower man lives.
Every movie?
Huh?
But anyway, look, I believe, if I'm not mistaken, and I could possibly be mistaken, and I apologize to you and your listeners if I am mistaken.
But I believe that the mayor or mayors of GeoCities evicted Alex Jones from his house in the internet.
More or less.
Yeah.
I don't want that to happen to you, GBD.
I love your thoughts sausages too much.
Wait, but Vince, if you don't have the internet, how do you even hear my show?
We're on YouTube and podcasts.
Jimmy, I have a nerd that I hire to transcribe your program, print it out, and mail it to me.
Okay, I see.
And then I read them and I get mad because you're retarded and I tear them up and throw them in the fire.
But then later, I'm like, god damn it, if Jimmy Dore wasn't right all along.
Wow.
But it's a weekly ritual.
I need it.
It's healthy.
It's good for me, baby.
But if you're illegal on the internet like Alex Jones, I won't be able to get my fix.
So I need you to be careful and not upset the overlords of the internet, who I assume look like David Warner from Tron.
Thanks for your concern, Vince, but I'm going to keep, I'm going to continue to say what I think I should say.
And I'm not going to alter the content of my show to please some corporate entity.
It would cease to be my show if I did that.
I mean, if we end up getting deplatformed, we'll deal with it somehow.
That's a big boy right there.
I'm proud of you, Coach East.
Show the world those Chicago balls.
Thanks, Vince.
Thanks, Vince.
Were you a big Alex Jones fan?
No, baby.
I mean, yeah, I'm a conservative, but, you know, I'm not fucking insane.
But I will tell you another thing, Jimmy Dore.
God forbid they do come for you and try to pull this InfoWars crap on you, remove you from MySpace and Lycos and Angie's List and all the other top sites.
I will stand with you, sir.
About that, thank you, Vince Vaughan.
As one American who supports free speech should stand with the fellow American who says bonkers shit.
I just speak truth to power, Vince.
Right, I know.
That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
What powerful person wants some nobody talking at them?
That would be annoying as all get out.
No, no, Vince, the idea isn't to try and please the powerful.
You know what?
Never mind.
I appreciate this support.
You got it, buddy.
If you get thrown off the internet, I will continue to never be on the internet in protest.
And, and, I will convince everyone I know to do the same.
Cut all the courts, baby.
I'm not sure that's going to work.
The internet is pretty embedded in most people's lives, Vince.
Come on.
What's on the internet besides your show?
Porn, social media?
The last two are proven to cause depression.
Look it up.
What's the point?
Hell, I'm going to convince people to ditch the net now.
Well, that doesn't help me much, Vince.
Jimmy, for your own mental health, I personally suggest, as a friend, as someone who cares, I personally suggest you get off the internet for good.
But my show.
I know.
I know it'll be hard.
But you know what?
The psychological good that that will do for you, it's going to make you stronger and more resilient and all the more prepared to emotionally handle getting deplatformed and kicked off the internet.
Because let's be honest, that is 100% going to happen.
Vince!
What?
I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to help you out.
Milo Snuffleupagus didn't listen to my advice either.
Now look what happened to him.
You ever hear from him ever?
No.
All right, ciao, baby.
I'll catch up with you later.
Okay.
My little snuffle up, I guess.
I'm your little snuffle up, I guess.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you about.
And now, there's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
We're going to see you October 12th in Burbank, California.
That's our next live show.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for tickets.
Special guests always will see you October 12th in Burbank, California.
Now let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
You know, I don't know if you heard what Trump was talking about asbestos in schools the other day.
And he said, well, here's his quote.
He goes, listen, I went to all the best schools.
Believe me, we're fine.
It has best right in the word.
I got to tell you, you know, these days, I dream of an alternative universe where the lost boys are real and the proud boys are just villains in a fictional story.
Have you seen all those ads on YouTube for CR-TV?
You know what that is, CR-TV?
It's that conservative TV thing.
Very real things that CR-TV denies.
Climate change and man spreading.
Is LeBron James coming to LA?
Yeah, dude.
What?
Yeah, bro.
That's a big deal.
I'm not kidding.
Who's he playing for?
The Lakers?
Yeah.
What?
That's crazy, right?
Why didn't the Clippers get him?
Well, they're going to be everyone's favorite team now, the Lakers in L.A. Everybody used to love the Clippers.
Oh.
Hey, did you hear LeBron James is coming to Los Angeles?
I just found out.
It's exciting.
LeBron James is coming to Los Angeles to the Lakers.
And, you know, the season hasn't even started yet, and he's already sold a pilot.
I don't know if you know, but it was Barack Obama's birthday last week.
And, you know, I used to give Barack Obama a gift every year until that one time I got him a Supreme Court pick, and he tried to pawn it off for it to TPP instead.
Hey, did you hear breaking news?
Hollywood City Council votes to remove Donald Trump's Walk of Fame star, and they're going to replace it with the one they gave Mark Burnett for excellence in television.
I don't know if that nobody knows who Mark Burnett is.
Hey, did you hear Congressman Chris Collins is being charged with insider trading?
Congressman Chris Collins being charged with insider trading Earth Wall Street calls it Tuesday.
Hey, I hope everybody had a great bring your daughter to Unlivable Wage Workday.
You know, I support journalists.
That's why I'm against any president who persecutes whistleblowers, uses the Espionage Act to prosecute leakers and menace reporters, bans new photographers from official events, scrubs public visitor logs of names the White House doesn't want in the news, goes for months without a press conference, and has the worst record in history for fulfilling requests for public records under the Freedom of Information Act.
All these precedents happened under our previous president, who left the perfect gift for our new president's nightmare.
And I blame Susan Sarandon.
Coming up on today's show, General Mattis instigates an illegal war with Iran.
Think I'm kidding.
Also, the lamest Russia scaremongering ever, plus Alex Jones gets deplatformed, and lefties think censorship is a good idea.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Vince Vaughn, Barack Obama, Rick Perry, and Jeff Sessions, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm here with the miserable liberal and Ron Placone.
Hey, Jimmy.
Howdy, hi.
Hi.
So, no, I hope you understand that when I was a kid, I grew up in Chicago, and every year the Nazis would march in Skokie, which is a predominantly Jewish suburb, or that's what I was led to believe.
That's why they're marching there.
And it would always make the news, and the ACLU would always defend them.
And we all understood.
We all hated the Nazis.
And we were all like, oh, I wish they'd come in our neighborhood.
Everybody wanted to do something to them.
But we understood that you couldn't ban them from marching.
We understood that if you could take their right away, you could take someone else's right away because you don't like them.
Right?
So protection of the freedom of speech, right?
The First Amendment is there to protect speech we agree with.
The First Amendment is there to protect speech we don't agree with.
Speech that we hate.
That's why you need protection for it.
Speech everyone agrees with doesn't need protections.
Get it?
Okay.
So now we move on to this.
So Facebook, Apple, YouTube, and Spotify has banned InfoWars.
So I think, yeah, Facebook unpublished four pages run by Jones for repeated violations of community standards, the company said on Monday.
YouTube terminated his account over him repeatedly appearing in videos despite subject to a 90-day ban from the website.
And Spotify removed the entirety of one of Jones' podcasts for hate content.
A few hours after Facebook announced its ban, YouTube also terminated Jones' account on its platform.
Did you know this?
Yeah, well, I saw this today.
I mean, this is just breaking rap now.
Yeah, me too.
The company issued a statement that didn't refer to Jones by name, saying only that, quote, all users agreed to comply with our terms of service and community guidelines when they sign up to use YouTube.
The Guardian understands that the specific rationale for Jones' ban was his habit of appearing in live streams hosted on other channels on the site, despite being subject to a 90-day ban.
When users violate these policies repeatedly, like our policies against hate speech and harassment, or our terms prohibiting circumvention of our enforcement measures, we terminate their accounts.
Wow.
That's some pretty radical shit, man.
That's like, oh, we just went and wrecked this guy's business.
That's like if ATT just decided, you know, we didn't like the shit you're saying on your phone calls, so we're going to cut off your phone.
No more phone for you.
What?
Right?
That's a private company.
The electric company going, we didn't like, we don't like how you're using your electricity to power all those computers for hate speech, so we're not going to give you electricity.
We're a private company.
Facebook and YouTube's enforcement action against Jones came hours after Apple removed Jones from its podcast directory.
The timing of Facebook's announcement was unusual, with the company confirming the ban at 3 a.m. local time.
What the F and F?
And again, this is not anyone here defending Alex Jones.
Please don't say something stupid like that.
Apple does not tolerate hate speech.
And we have clear guidelines that creators and developers must follow to ensure we provide a safe environment for all our users.
And Apple spokesperson told BuzzFeed News, which first reported the removal: podcasts that violate these guidelines are removed from our directory, making them no longer searchable or available for download or streaming.
We believe in representing a wide range of views, so long as people are respectful to those with differing opinions.
So this is a very slippery slope.
In fact, it's not a slippery slope.
It's not a slippery slope.
It's predictable what's going to happen next.
So this isn't slippery.
This is the beginning.
This is just the beginning of something that's predictable.
And I've been telling people on the left, pushing the Russia Gate thing, that they're going to use that to silence you.
They're going to say that the left is now.
If you're a Bernie, they've already said it.
If you're a Bernie supporter, you're in bed with Putin.
You're in bed with Russian, with Russia.
If you're Black Lives Matter, you're Russian.
They've already done it.
They're already doing it.
So now there's only one Facebook.
There aren't two, you know what I mean?
Like there's only one Twitter.
There's only one Facebook.
iTunes and Spot.
I mean, well, that's the thing.
I mean, these places have such a wide reach that they really are.
And, you know, and it's tough to have any type of sympathy for an Alex Jones.
I mean, I don't appreciate their content at all.
However, institutions this big that have the type of pool as far as content goes, they're a corner store.
They shouldn't be able to just have like their own vague community guidelines that they can just enforce however they want.
They should have to follow the First Amendment.
Well, I agree.
I think they should have to follow the First Amendment.
And that's why I've had a hard time even comprehending because whether or not Alex Jones has ever violated the First Amendment, you would need to ask somebody more fluent in his catalog than myself.
Like I don't watch enough of his content to know the answer that one way or another.
But either way, that's not how it's been applied.
So now the way people communicate, the town square is electronic.
The town square is Facebook.
The town square is Twitter.
And these places should be looked at as they should be regulated.
That's what all those hearings were about.
Should we regulate Facebook?
That's what they were about.
And Facebook's like, no, no, no, we're going to self-regulate.
So we're going to do the job of censorship for the government.
Please don't worry.
And Chris, Julian Assange said, but predicted this in 2010, that the new censorship comes from the corporations, which is an extension of the government.
It's actually the other way around.
The government's an extension of the fucking corporation.
Yeah.
So, and now Facebook gets to this, it's going to protect us.
They're protecting you from Alex Jones.
They're protecting you from fake news.
That's what they're protecting you.
First of all, what a weird timing that they all do it at the same day.
What?
And again, yes, this is in no way defending Alex Jones.
You know, just like the ACLU isn't defending Nazism when they defend the rights for Nazis to have a march in Skokie.
They're not defending Nazism.
They're defending a higher ideal.
You know, that whole idea of I might not agree with what you have to say, but I'll fight to the death for your right to say it.
That used to be a saying in America.
So now Facebook is going to protect you from fake news.
Now, again, they're going to, so the next, the next thing that has happened is they come after lefties.
They're going to come after people who disagree with Syrian war.
CNN has already done that to us.
They've already come out and declared we're far left conspiracy theorists.
So if you're a conspiracy theorist, you're next.
That's you're next.
So all they have to do is say you're a conspiracy theorist.
We've been called conspiracy theorists.
Kyle Kalinsky doesn't believe the bullshit about the wars.
Maybe he's a conspiracy.
You know what I mean?
It's like, who?
So anybody who doesn't believe the bullshit conspiracy that the government gives you is then deemed the Iraq war was a conspiracy, an evil, illegal conspiracy.
So it was Libya.
So it's Syria.
Well, I don't want to sound conspiratorial right now, but a side note, CNN said we were peddling conspiracies.
And it was around the same time I started riding my bike more often.
Oh, because that's a story.
So tell me, is this a conspiracy theory?
Is this fake news?
This is the Washington Post.
This is from their editorial board.
This isn't some jagoff they gave an op-ed to.
This is their editorial board.
This is the official position of the Washington Post.
February 6th, 2003.
After Secretary of State Colin Powell's presentation to the United Nations Security Council yesterday, it is hard to imagine how anyone could doubt that Iraq possesses weapons of mass destruction.
Mr. Powell left no room to argue seriously that Iraq has accepted the Security Council's offer of a final opportunity to disarm.
And they offered a powerful, powerful new case that Saddam Hussein's regime is cooperating with a branch of al-Qaeda.
Remember when they used to say that?
Remember when they used to say that?
Saddam and Al-Qaeda were together, even though they fucking hated each other.
And that is trying to acquire chemical weapons and stage attacks in Europe.
Mr. Powell's evidence, including satellite photographs, audio recordings, and reports from detainees and other informants, was overwhelming.
This is the Washington Post editorial board.
Overwhelmingly not present.
That's what it was.
Overwhelming.
What they said.
I forgot to finish that sentence.
Never forget.
Was overwhelmingly poorly sourced and full of holes.
And then it goes on.
Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr., the senior Democrat on the Foreign Relations Committee, called it powerful and irrefutable.
So are all those guys conspiracy theorists?
Because that's are all those guys, is that are they peddling fake news?
Should they have their, should Washington Post have their Facebook page taken down because they're peddling fake news?
Or do we let people who are citizens of the United States decipher what's true and what's not?
And we don't let the government or a billionaire in Silicon Valley decide for us under the guise of protecting us from harmful bad news.
Because they don't give a fuck about harmful bad news.
They don't give a fuck about, they don't give a shit about this.
They don't give a shit about the lies about Syria.
In fact, they peddle them.
They didn't care about the lies about Libya.
They don't care the lies about the first Gulf War.
They don't care about anything.
And you know how I know?
Here's the pages that they leave up at Facebook.
The National Enquirer has a fucking Facebook page.
Don't they?
National Inquirer.
And then the National Enquirer deserves to pull its prize.
I'm glad that number's not higher than 368 people who feel that way.
47,000 like the National Enquirer.
They like it.
Yeah.
So should we take down the National Inquirer too because they do fake news?
I'm asking, what's your litmus?
If it's fake, who's going to decide if it's fake?
Should the Washington Post decide it's fake, even though they peddle fake news all the fucking time?
You mean it's not hate speech for the National Inquirer to post pictures of women's thighs that are too big and unsightly for the summer on the beach?
That's not hate speech against women.
How about this?
How about this?
World News Daily, 73,000 likes, World News Daily report.
That's on Facebook.
World News Daily, British man suffering from rare medical condition can only defecate through his mouth.
That's on Facebook.
That's the first thing that came up today.
What I Googled on Facebook, I went in and I put World News Daily, and that's the first thing that came up.
I don't think they should, I think they should have a Facebook page.
I think everybody who wants a Facebook page should have a fucking Facebook page.
And if you don't like their Facebook page or what they're saying, you can debunk it.
You can set up a page that says Alex Jones is full of shit.
And here's why.
And we can debunk his, you know, Kyle Kalinsky does that all the time.
He does videos on, he'll show you what Alex Jones is saying, and he'll show you why it's bullshit.
That converts way more people to the kind of thinking you want than censoring Alex Jones or anybody you disagree with or you think is horrible.
Debunk them.
They're not even stopping there on all those websites.
They're also including InfoWars on Pinterest.
They're getting rid of him.
That's crazy.
Pinterest?
I didn't know.
I can't imagine him being on Pinterest.
Isn't that for like recipes and stuff?
I don't use Pinterest.
It's anything.
It's anything.
It's like you, I don't understand why he's on Pinterest either.
You don't use Pinterest?
Sorry.
I'm not hip.
Oh my God.
I'm not hip to Pinterest.
Oh, how are you going to make a smart and quick holiday gathering?
I know, right?
You know, like, Jimmy, I'm thinking about Washington Post and how it says democracy dies in darkness.
And I think right underneath it, it should, we got the Iraq war wrong.
We're fake news.
Like, they should have a banner.
Yes.
Yes.
Ron.
Well, no, it's interesting to me because, you know, I've been seeing a lot of this on the blogosphere today.
And there have been some people on the left kind of celebrating this.
I know, and then when people come out there, like, look, don't you, I mean, I don't like Alex Jones either.
We don't disagree that he publishes a lot of despicable stuff, but don't you see the slippery slope here?
Don't you see?
And they're like, well, they're a private company and they can do what they want.
It's like, man, you're sounding a lot like the people that are defending the NFL, not allowing players to kneel during this anthem.
You're sounding a lot like their private company.
And, you know, and again, you know, it comes back to these companies that have this much of a platform in regards to how people get content.
Right.
They should have to follow the First Amendment.
If something happened where, you know, Facebook or Apple or something, they said this is a clear violation of the First Amendment.
We've solidified that via our attorneys.
We have, you know, determined this is a violation of the First Amendment.
Here's what happened.
Here's how it violated the First Amendment.
That'd be a different story.
That would be a different headline.
But that's not what happened here.
That's not what's happening.
Well, I also know we talked about this when we were traveling.
I got a copy of a London newspaper and a woman who posts satire.
Yes.
She is being taken to court because her satire is too much.
Oh, it makes people uncomfortable.
Yes.
And so is this hate speech.
For literally for doing satire, though.
I mean, first of all, if you don't think Alex Jones is doing one of the funniest comedy shows in the history of all time, you are missing out on a big joke because he is funny, fucking hilarious.
I mean, the way he can straight, I'm not kidding, even.
The way he straight faces that shit.
I mean, God damn it.
And he's already admitted in court that he's doing performance art.
I know it.
It's beautiful.
Unfortunately, there's a lot of negative consequences, like for the Sandy Hook people and stuff like that.
That is super unfortunate.
And you, you know, I understand why people want to shut him down because of that.
I understand.
It's like when people, it's like that question.
Well, if someone, I'm against the death penalty in every situation.
And somebody says, well, what if someone raped your wife or your daughter?
Wouldn't you want him dead?
Yes.
Yes, I want him dead.
I want him dead when they get my order wrong in the drive-thru.
That doesn't make it right.
That means the victim's not supposed to be the guy in charge of giving out the punishment.
Same thing here.
Do I want that kind of speech shut down?
And do I not want it?
Do I not want it to infect?
Yeah, but there's a higher principle involved here.
The higher principle is freedom of speech for everyone and not letting someone, not letting a handful of people decide who gets to have it.
You either for it or you're not.
You're either for it or you're not.
And if you don't like what someone's saying, and you think they're saying hateful stuff or stuff that's detrimental, or you can then, you have the antidote to bad speech is more speech, not less speech.
More speech.
You can set up your own Facebook page, debunk Alex Jones.
Set up your own thing, debunk the fake news.
But again, it's not about protect, because I just showed you they have the World News Daily, and they have the goddamn, what is the name of the National Enquirer, and I'm sure a million other things just like it.
So that's, so if you're starting with them, you got to go there, you got to go there, and they're going to end up here.
They're going to say we're protecting you from the Russian, Russia.
That's why we have to shut down these pages, because they were caught pushing Russia.
Go ahead.
Well, I was just going to add this as another side note, and I want to pose this question, because here's another reason why I'm confused why the people that don't like Alex Jones were being celebratory here.
Do you think that at the end of the day, this is going to help him?
This helps him.
See, I think so too.
Now he can be a victim.
And he kind of is, in a sense.
So now he plays the victim card, and now his whole thing is the establishment's trying to shut him down.
And now they're literally, they're shutting him down.
They're deplatforming him.
They're doing it.
If he's a crazy person, and none of the stuff he says makes sense, it should be easy for you to fucking debunk it and knock it down.
Then do it.
Lots of people already do that.
It's just, what about religion?
What about they say that if you have sex outside of marriage, you're going to burn in hell?
Is that okay to put on Facebook?
Is that not fake news?
Is that real?
I mean, if it's not, my timeline's in trouble.
You know, they already took down the Declaration of Independence for hate speech on 4th of July.
We showed you that.
Go watch that video.
Right.
And I was just thinking right now, I think it's interesting, this slippery slope.
Because didn't Mark Zuckerberg say that, hey, when somebody is a Holocaust denier, that he'll just go, I think they just are making a mistake.
Oh my God, that's right.
So why isn't Alex Jones?
They already said, he already said that.
Yeah, I'm going to leave up some Holocaust denying sites because, you know, I think they're just making an honest mistake.
So Mark Zuckerberg gets to decide when you're making an honest mistake and when you're not, when you're making a dishonest.
He'll decide.
Mr. I, the guy who stole the idea for the whole thing from his friends.
He'll decide if you're honest or not.
Well, this also reminds me of, you know, it makes me so worried, like we're sharing here right now.
But the whole idea of like, let's say Tupac was becoming too revolutionary.
Too radical.
What are they going to do to his voice?
Right.
What are they going to do to the Poor People's Campaign?
All right.
Well, I guess you watch.
I'm telling you.
What are they going to do to Bernie Sanders?
Black Lives Matter.
Jimmy Dorshow.
Yes.
Kyle Kalinsky.
Humanist Report.
We're next.
We're next.
This is not good.
This is a bad thing.
No matter how much, no matter how much you dislike Alex Jones, taking away someone's freedom of speech is not the way to handle it.
More speech is the antidote to bad speech.
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That's the Honorable Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions on the line.
Jimmy, I need your help.
I am in dire straits.
My life is on the line.
They're coming after me.
Calm down, Jeff.
Who's after you?
The ACLU.
Or as all my friends in the southern states that Hillary won in the primaries call it, american love of the union oh you know i'm gonna have to bleep that out, don't you, Mr. Attorney General?
Just like you people to bleep out the word America.
Oh, at long last, have you no decency?
Isn't it bad enough I had to read about this in the Huthings and Post?
Their syntax is deplorable.
Do they even pay their writers?
Sometimes they do.
Anyway, so why is the ACLU suing you?
They say I'm flouting asylum laws.
What in tarnation is that even supposed to mean?
It means you, the country's lead lawman, are deliberately breaking the law.
That's what it means.
Oh, I know that.
But what does flout mean?
It means you're mocking justice.
Your point being?
That as the head of the Department of Justice, it's your job to faithfully discharge your duties overseeing the laws of our land.
So.
You're breaking the law by denying asylum to legitimate asylum seekers.
Who says?
The law.
Well, the law is an ass.
Charles Dickens said that about immigrants.
You might be taking that out of context, Jeff.
He didn't say that about immigrants, and that character who said it was a villain.
Your point being?
You're quoting a line from a villain to back up your argument.
That's my point.
And that's bad.
How?
You can't bar people fleeing violence from seeking asylum in our country.
It's against the law.
Who says that?
I don't say that.
And I'm the head lawman.
You hear me saying that?
No.
Must not be true then.
Y'all, I'll rest my case.
The law says that, Jeff.
You're violating decades of settled asylum law.
Look, we have no objection to giving women and children asylum who are fleeing violence and persecution, just as long as it's not violence and persecution caused by our foreign policy.
Understand?
What difference does it make where the violence and persecution is coming from, Jeff?
All the difference in the world, Jeff.
We must put an end to this country's horrible system of chain asylum seekers.
The way our system works now, once a brown person gets citizenship, he can apply to bring over his kids or parents just because they're being threatened with murder for not joining a cartel.
What's wrong with that?
Because it's slippery slope.
Before long, they'll bring over their tired, their poor, their hoodlo masses yawning to be free.
And, God forbid, the wretched refuse of their team and Shaw.
And why would that be such a bad thing?
Because we still have a recover from all the damage the Irish did.
Think clearly, son.
Think clearly, son.
Thank you.
No.
you Our war department, they call it the Defense Department.
It should be called the Invasion Department.
Right.
It should be called the Offense Department because we're not defending ourselves against anybody.
We're just creating problems.
Our Defense Department is a lot like Baskin Robbins of War.
Try every flavor.
And there's one.
There's a new one every week.
So here is General Mattis.
Just the other day.
What we have to look at is the destabilizing influence that Iran has consistently portrayed and demonstrated throughout the region.
What?
So the United States invaded Iraq illegally, killed hundreds of thousands, displaced millions, invaded Afghanistan.
Still there 17 years later, occupying them.
For what reason?
Did Libya invaded Libya, turn it into a failed state, the most advanced country in Africa.
Turn it into a failed state with open slave markets.
We did that.
Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Syria.
We're helping ISIS, literally helping ISIS and Al-Qaeda, the dregs, the worst terrorists that ever in the history of the world.
We're hoping they take over Syria.
And what does this guy say?
What does this tell me what this guy says?
What we have to look at is the destabilizing influence that Iran has consistently portrayed and demonstrated throughout the region.
The destabling, destabling actions that Iran has taken in the region.
You mean like bombing Syria without even knowing what happened first?
Oh, wait, that was us.
You mean like that kind of destabilizing?
I mean, like destabilizing, like when we, I don't know, set the Mideast on fire and we keep adding gasoline to it every day?
You mean destabilizing what we're doing in Yemen, siege warfare, which is a war crime?
Starving people to death?
That's what we're doing.
Children.
We're starving them.
You mean that kind of destabilization?
This is awesome.
We don't even really have to look in the Middle East to see what we've done.
We do this kind of stuff to our own country.
Look at Puerto Rico, how we've abandoned them.
And the destruction in Puerto Rico after a hurricane and that we can't give them any support.
So I'm supposed to worry about Iran's influence in the Middle East.
I know.
I'm worried about the United States lack of influence in Puerto Rico and helping my brothers and sisters there.
Great point.
How about our influence in America?
How about the United States government's influence in America and our territories?
How about we work on that?
Well, here he's got more to say.
And the only reason that the murderer Assad is still in power is Assad.
The murderer Assad.
So again, this is how propaganda works.
They want to go to war with Iran.
They want to overthrow Assad.
He's a murderer.
We're not murderers.
We didn't murder anybody in Iraq, Libya, Afghanistan, Syria, Yemen, Niger.
We don't do it.
He's a murder.
Assad's a murderer.
And Benjamin Netanyahu is hugging those Palestinians to death.
He's not shooting them in broad daylight.
Right?
They're not shooting medics, are they?
In broad daylight and journalists?
Yeah.
Yeah, shooting journalists and medics in broad daylight.
But Assad's a murderer.
Okay, I got you.
I'm not saying Assad isn't a murderer.
I'm saying it's interesting who you get upset with when they murder.
You only get upset with the countries you want to overthrow.
Isn't that weird?
Yeah, you have a certain agenda because you are part of the destruction profiteering department.
Ha again, this is not the Department of Defense.
This is the Department of Offense.
This is how it works.
This is how you get to go into Iran.
Primary reason is because Iran has stuck by them, reinforced them, funded them.
Iran has stuck by Assad, reinforced them.
You mean, so you're saying Iran is to Syria what the United States is to Israel.
Is that what you're saying?
We're propping up Saudi Arabia who funds ISIS for Christ's sake.
I mean, so that's what I'm talking about.
So when you see, it's all lies.
So when these guys say, when they all go, oh, Trump's a liar, they're all liars.
That's why it's just crazy.
What do you think?
Lying got invented by Trump?
That's what they're acting like.
And again, this isn't to say Trump isn't a liar.
This is to say they're all liars.
And democracy isn't based on trust.
Well, you got to trust somebody, Jimmy.
No, you don't.
Democracy isn't based on trust.
Democracy is based on mistrust.
That's why you have transparent governments.
That's why you're not supposed to have court proceedings in secret, like the FISA court.
You're not supposed to have a secret court.
That's not a court.
Wow.
Our defense department tries to sell more wars than Apple tries to push iPhone updates.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Eventually, we're going to reach the level of two new wars for every one new Honda Civic model.
Mattis loves war so much, he shares a missile porn subscription with Brian Williams.
Did you know that?
They sit around wax their missiles.
And so right under that, so you notice he's blaming Iran for Assad staying in power because everyone sufficiently hates Assad.
The propaganda has worked.
And so he's like, well, we'll use that to invade Iran.
So everybody hates Assad.
Russia.
Go ahead, Ron.
Well, I was just going to add something that's like more kind of like just something as an aside to all this and connecting it to the bigger thing.
It's not engaging in what about ism to entertain the notion, as we do on this show, that people that think in the economy of war don't have our best interests at heart.
That's not what about ism to say, well, they're liars too.
No, it's relevant to say they're liars too, because they live in the economy of war and they're not on our team.
Whether they like Trump or not, they ain't on our team.
It doesn't matter.
Let's not forget, according to Chomsky, the biggest human rights atrocity to be committed in this century has been committed by the United States and Iraq.
And we did that.
So everybody's like, oh, Putin's a maniac in Crimea.
the hell do we do we did the worst thing ever this century and then we go to torture to cover it up a torture program a torture program that's who we are we're better than isis we had a torture program a torture program and there were some folks in it there were some folks in it and so he doesn't criticize russia there he's doing he's using iran because he wants to go to war with iran all these the whole establishment wants to go to war with iran well he initially
what I read.
He was four
the Iran nuclear deal he was for that so what's changing his mind why does he now want to create war with Iran you know I just read a little bit about him he's been serving in the military since 18 years old this guy's a military guy so isn't that in his blood to perpetuate the will of the military right of course I just want to say this I just want to read this really quick thing he served in Afghanistan and Iraq and led all U.S. Marine forces in the Middle
as commander.
And he was also in charge of the 1st Marine Division in the initial attack and subsequent stability operations in Iraq in 2003.
So he doesn't seem to me like, I understand his dedication and I appreciate that, but I doesn't see anything here that I can trust his vision for peace.
There is no stability right now, everybody, in Iraq.
Right.
So Spanky Dennison, underneath this video that was tweeted out by Fox News, he wrote this.
The Trump regime can't say one negative thing about Putin.
Stunning.
So after this guy's trying to get us into Iran, what you're worried about is he doesn't want to get us into Russia.
Hey, the guy's warmongering us into a war in Iran and you were like, why doesn't he warmonger us into war with Russia?
That's so that's the culture we're living in.
This we want you to start being more bellicose and hawkish with a nuclear power.
Anybody could pick on Iran.
Why don't you try picking on a nuclear?
This is what people are saying now.
And that's just not regular people.
That's all people in the media, people in politics.
Everybody.
People that say they're on the left.
People who say they're on the left are saying shit like this.
And and and hey, Spanky, here's Donald Trump.
Many dead, including women and children in my in mindless chemical attack in Syria.
Area of atrocity is in lockdown and encircled by Syrian army, making it completely inaccessible to outside world.
President Putin, Russia and Iran are responsible for backing animal Assad.
Big price.
Is that is that enough for you?
Would you like him to be more bellicose?
Would you like him to be more hawkish?
Would you like him to be more of a maniac?
Because that's what you guys say.
He's a maniac who's going to start a nuclear war.
And you're like, hey, why don't you start a nuclear war?
And tip of the hat to that gentleman.
He's well, he's the one who found that Trump tweet.
Ichimoku.
Can you say that guy's name?
Ichimoku wa rec.
Yeah.
Hashtag Ichimoku wa there.
Yeah.
Is that a saying?
I think so.
Ichimoku wa.
It sounds like a greeting or something.
I think it.
And then he said hashtag reconnect Julian.
So he's on the right side.
So, um, okay.
Just so you know, the people who want to get rid of Assad.
Do you know who takes over when Assad leaves?
ISIS.
Just like who took over in Libya after we left.
Same thing would happen in Syria.
These guys don't give a shit.
They don't care.
This is nonstop war.
This is Orwell.
I know Orwell was just a book.
It's amazing how accurate it was.
Because we're living it.
Yeah, it's like that dude at a crystal ball.
It's amazing.
Yeah, it really is.
I get it.
People say to me, well, you know, it was just a book.
I know, but it's amazing.
Yeah.
How on point it was.
And, and, and it was, you know, it was.
Wow.
So there you go.
So there you go.
Uh, God, God bless, uh, the American Defense Department, which is really the defense, the American Invasion Department.
That's what they should call it.
Why isn't there a war tax?
Why don't we have a tax to fund these wars?
Why don't we have a tax to fund these wars?
a fact this is some people start asking questions we know why there's not a war tax yeah People are going to start asking questions.
It seems to me what I see actually is happening to our country because of these wars.
You know, the war tax isn't monetary, right?
In us, it's at the disposal of humans.
So that's really what our tax has been.
We're losing people's lives, and people are homeless, and people are living in poverty.
And so that's what's really taxing our community.
And that there's any American in our country that is shouting for more war hasn't paid attention this century at all.
Okay.
I just want to show you real quick.
These are tweets.
If NATO has its way in Syria, we wouldn't have any women's basketball team.
We would only have jihad suicide teams.
This is the Mahardin team with our dear friend, Vanessa Bealey.
She tweeted this out.
And look, they're in Syria.
They have a women's basketball team.
Now, if Assad's not president and the ISIS takes over, which is who wants to overthrow him, that would not be happening.
This is who they were fighting against.
Those are women in cages.
That's who Assad is fighting against.
People who put women in cages.
This is from BBC's new three-part documentary on the House of Saud.
Talks about Saudi funding for Syrian terror groups.
Jaish al-Islam.
For those who still refer to this group as moderate rebels, please watch to see how Alawite women were paraded in cages in Syria.
So that's who we're back.
We're backing these people in Syria.
This is who we want to take over.
Why?
Because then a pipeline goes through Syria.
And we get to compete with Russia.
Russia selling fossil fuels to Europe.
That's what this is all about.
So, again, so I'm glad to be here.
This is why they're throttling this show because Brian Williams is never going to tell you the truth.
Chris Cuomo is never going to tell you about that.
Rachel Maddow's never going to tell you the truth about Syria.
Chris Hayes certainly isn't.
Worthless Lawrence O'Donnell's not going to.
Wolf Blitzer doesn't even know where Syria is.
He just sees the economic opportunity.
Yeah, he sees an economic.
If we decide not to invade, he'll mention the loss of jobs.
That's what he'll do.
He will.
Which he did.
So that's why we're here.
This is why we have a show.
This is exactly why we have a show because the mainstream media won't tell you about this.
And they'll just show you Madison.
They'll go, yeah, Iran's propping up Assad.
Yep, yep.
Iran is propping up Assad.
So we should probably go into Iran.
That's what they're going to tell you on NBC News.
That's what Jim Akasa is going to tell you on CNN.
That's what they're all going to tell you.
And that's why we have a show.
And I'd rather not.
I'd rather be touring as a comedian and not feel the impetus or the responsibility to have to debunk this shit.
But I just can't take this war anymore.
And that's why we're doing this show.
Hello.
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday, dear Barack Obama.
Happy birthday to me.
Hey, happy birthday, Mr. President.
A little pro tip for you, Jimmy.
Edit that song out unless you're using it for satirical purposes.
You know what an activist I am regarding intellectual property issues.
Yeah, I'll take it up with my team of lawyers.
Perfect.
My team will touch base with your team.
They can have a beer together at my place.
You know, I don't want my lawyers having beers with your lawyers, okay?
Me neither.
But I always say stuff I don't believe.
Miss Viette.
What part you're talking about?
How about the part where I valiantly stand up for the fourth estate?
When did you ever do that?
I gave them lots of leisure time.
Remember all those months I never held a press conference?
Yeah, that was a nice thing you did for them, yes.
But now things are different.
I'm not like that 90-year-old dust farter, Jimmy Carter, building matchbox houses and shit like that.
I've finally come out of the appropriate post-presidential period of hibernation.
I'm making all kinds of pointed comments about things that are happening.
I can't be stopped.
For instance, I just endorsed a bunch of Democrats who won't create uncertainty and make Wall Street feel insecure.
Yay!
Yeah, that sounds great, Barack.
I know.
Corporations are like that shy guy at the problem who always stood in the corner watching the band.
You got to coax him out, make him feel confident about his surroundings.
That way, when he returns with a gun, he'll remember and let you run out the back before the shooting starts.
Yeah, speaking of shooting, how come you never laid into the NRA and took a hard stand on gun control?
I never really laid into the NRA for good reasons.
Why?
Too much uncertainty.
About what?
Damn, I wasn't prepared for your gotcha follow-up.
Look, we got good people like Ram Emanuel taking care of things locally.
You're doing a heck of a job, Rob.
Chicago loves you.
70 shootings in one day is a heck of a job.
I'm weeping now as I speak.
I feel your pain.
We're better than this.
Thoughts and prayers.
So that's what your post-presidential legacy is going to be like?
Always take the middle road, Jimmy.
The middle road is the road most traveled, as Robert Frost once said.
Frost never said that, Barack.
When you sway too far from the middle right, you stretch the space-time continuum.
And that could cause a parallel universe to erupt from cosmic dust.
We're not ready for that.
I'm a man of grace, dignity, compassion, and intelligence.
And it turns out I'm really good at killing people.
We are more than just the parts of our song.
Hope is a bird without feathers.
May the force be with you.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm here with special guests from the Katie Helper Show.
It's Katie Helper.
Hi.
Hi, and Rob Placone.
Hello.
So there was an election last night, and there's a lot of bullshit going around about it.
Like, for instance, people are saying this.
Socialist star Ocasio-Cortez strikes out.
All endorsed candidates lose Tuesday's primaries.
Hey, the Daily Caller says every candidate Ocasio-Cortez endorsed lost in the primaries.
Are they afraid of her or what?
They are afraid of her.
They are afraid.
Here's another guy.
I would like to point out that all of Ocasio's 2018 endorses candidates lost.
And there's one more.
Here's Charlie Kirk.
Socialist star Ocasio-Cortez strikes out.
All her endorsed candidates lose Tuesday's primaries.
Here's another one.
Down goes socialism.
Okay, just for the record, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez endorsed James Thompson.
He won.
Jamie Schoolcraft won.
Matt Morgan won.
Rashida Talib Won.
Robert Davidson won.
They all won their primaries.
Our revolution won most of our state and local races last night.
And Justice Democrats won six races last night.
So it's fun to see that progressivism scares the shit out of the right wing so much, they have to blatantly lie.
That's what they're relegated to.
Just like with climate change, they have to blatantly lie.
Just like with single-payer Medicare for all saves you money, they have to blatantly lie about it.
And they're blatantly lying about the election last night.
Isn't that kind of funny?
Yeah.
And what's sadder is that the last one you showed, that's not even a right-winger.
I think that's Bill Scher at Politico.
Oh, this?
Yeah.
Yeah, this is from Politico.
I mean, it's just, so it's a sad, I guess this is not an overt lie the way the other ones were, right?
Like, this is kind of ridiculous and dishonest and misleading.
Down goes socialism?
Dude, again, it's not socialism.
It's called regular normal shit the rest of the world takes for granted.
Like healthcare and education and a living wage.
That's not called socialism.
Right.
For Christ's sake.
But also, yeah.
And they didn't go down.
Right.
They didn't go down.
Did I show you who won?
Did I show you that the Justice Democrats had six victors last night?
Do you know 200 Bernie Crats across the country have won so far this year?
Now you can say they're not taking over the Democratic Party.
That's accurate.
People love their platforms.
Most of the country loves Medicare for all.
Most of the country wants free college.
Most of the country wants a living wage.
Most of the country wants to end the fucking wars.
I'm, yeah.
I was just going to say that it's pathetic because Al-Said, for instance, he was started on the single digits.
So yeah, he didn't win, but he did remarkably well considering where he started.
And part of that was the socialist ideas and Ocasio-Cortez.
Yes.
I mean, they want it both ways too.
It's like if Ocasio-Cortez helps, then, oh, it's just about her.
It's not about their ideas.
If she doesn't help, if she tries to help and they lose, oh, you see, that's what those ideas will get you.
Right, right.
They're losing ideas or they're losing ideas.
No matter what the result is.
Isn't it funny that when she won, they didn't go, hey, the Democrat, the corporate centrist Democrats platform is a loser.
They just go, no, that's just one cat.
It doesn't matter.
That doesn't mean anything.
See, I think, too, I think that some on the right are waking up to the fact that a progressive platform is the key to victory.
And I think they're almost trying to be reverse psychology about it because they're like, yeah, please, Democrats, adopt that platform.
Add those crazy ideas most people won.
Please adopt them.
You'll never win again.
Like, really?
Do you really feel that way?
I think you're worried we might adopt them.
Well, Sean Hannity was reading out Ocasio-Cortez's platform as he thought that would hurt her.
And they were just tweeting it out.
Like, thanks, John.
Appreciate it.
Thanks for the thanks for the free campaign commercial because all that stuff everyone agrees with.
I showed you that thing where the Fox and Friends tweeted out, hey, do you think Bernie Sanders' $32 trillion Medicare for All is worth it?
73% of Fox and Friend viewers said yes.
Right.
And that's from Fox.
That's Fox and Friends and Friends and Friends.
And there were 30,000 people who responded to that survey.
So that wasn't a small sampling.
That was a huge sampling.
Yeah.
And Fox didn't even bother mentioning that it's cheaper than what we do now.
That's right.
I bet that number could have been even higher.
Boy, people are afraid of progressive politics.
When I say people, I mean corporatists and tools and the right wing and the Democrats too.
The establishment, super afraid.
Not just the right wing, that establishment shitting their pants that someone actually might represent the will of the people.
That's what this is.
I had a busy week, what with the Take Your Daughter to Work Day and all.
I wonder if Rick Perry left any messages on my phone machine.
I love speaking on the importance of NRG.
Traceba, is it healthier to smoke cigarettes or eat them?
Asking for a friend.
Nature is full of energy, and we must take the bill by the horns to harness it.
Take Narcalore Power, for instance.
It improves what I call the three E's.
Sustainable and cheap electricity, the economy, and the environment.
And the three P's of power.
Location, location, location.
And what's the third one again?
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Conniff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Samurano, and Mark Van Landowick.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out!
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out!
Do not, do not, do not...
Do not freak out.
You do not freak.
Do not freak out.
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