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June 8, 2018 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:03:49
20180608_0607_TJDS_PODCAST
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
As you know, last week I was away in Norway placating the warlike snow peoples.
So naturally, my archaic message machine is now full of messages.
I wonder who called.
Well, howdy-ho, everybody, in that little black box.
This is RNRG Departmental Headmaster, Rick Perry, here.
The Houston Chronicle just called me the most underrated politician in Texas history.
I was hoping for at least three and a half stars on my Amazon page, but there are a lot of meanies calling me names like stupid and tool and stupid tool.
And one guy, his name's Jared, he combined stupid and tool and called me a stool.
That's not right.
Coinstar, please play Magic Forest by Fat Mattress.
Now burt me.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinning.
You may have had heard how Rick Perry has gone to headline the Texas-Israel Security Conference or TISC.
It is common knowledge that the Lone Star State has a lot in common with the Yellow Star peoples.
Can I just make something opaquely clear?
During the first six months of me or my being Commissar of Energy, I have not ever overspended over $63,000 on upgraded airline flights.
The taxpayers did, okay?
And besides, they can't be upgraded when they were first class to begin with.
MapQuest lady, find me the quickest route to myself, please.
And no toes.
The Pepsident of America just instructed me to take all intermediate steps to save the endangered coal industry.
Magic Eggball, you know how very concerned I am about preserving endangered American heritages like coal.
Did you know everybody loves coal?
But most peoples don't get how almost extinct it coal is.
Oh, sure, they go to the zoo and see the little baby coles hopping around and running after bread slices, riding their unicycles, or even performing simple addition and subattraction tricks.
But they don't see the real story behind the cummerbund of laughter.
I don't need any dumb government job.
I just monetized a time-lapse video of my contractor sealed coating my driveway.
Big money, big money.
Here's my idea to save the coal industry.
Bury underground all the dinosaurs we have left for 100 millions of years.
That way we'll have a contiguous supply of coal and all.
Coal is just too dirty to fail.
Coinstar, count my friends.
You probably just heard how Pepsi and Trump just canceled environmental protections for whales and sea turtles.
Why?
Because it's not up to American tax evaders to protect whales and turtles from each other.
Frankly, I'm tired of this eons-long feud between the whale and the turtle.
Remember that song, if you're happy, you know, clap your hands.
Oh, the whale and the turtle can be friends.
Oh, the whale and the turtle can be friends.
Oh, the whale and the turtle, and your face will surely show it.
Oh, the whale and the turtle can be friends.
I, Richard Perry, do hereby endorse Dan Crenshaw for something or other in a congressional race having to do with Houston or some such, okay?
Excelsior, find me the quickest way to myself because I've never been to me.
And myself needs to know me, myself, and the third person of I, which I guess is Rick Perry.
Rick Perry is not amused.
Be.
Oh, I'm supposed to wait for the machine to be.
Okay.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for blackbeast.
The kind of people that are.
Commands, maybe on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk when you're T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
We will see you July 1st in Portland, Oregon.
July 15th in Chicago, Illinois at Dahlia Hall.
And July 27th in Burbank, California.
We have special guests on that show.
Who is it?
It's a very special guest.
I'll tell you later.
It's very special.
Let's get to some of the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Hey, happy post-primary election.
Huh?
I hope you all did your loyal Democratic Party duty by voting for the Lesser of Two Evils.
That's what you're supposed to do.
Did you know that more than 118,000 people were left off the voting rolls in Los Angeles?
And one of them was Henry Winkler.
That's the Fonz?
Fonzie?
Yeah, Fonzie, which is really a shame because Fonzi jumped a shark on his motorcycle just to make it to the polls on time.
You know, if the California State Elections Division changed its name to California State Erections Division, I bet a bunch of funny stuff would probably happen.
You know, while receiving an award, we're going to talk about this coming up on today's show.
While receiving an award at Harvard, Hillary Clinton at that award ceremony revealed that she'd one day like to become CEO of Facebook.
Oh, great.
There goes the public option for posting.
And still, no, there's no estimate on how much it's going to cost to change the name to TooFacebook.
Too Facebook.
She has a private Facebook and a public Facebook.
Hey, Bill Clinton just told CBS Sunday morning, did you hear this?
He told CBS Sunday morning, quote, I couldn't get elected now because I don't like embarrassing people.
And he also didn't like destroying welfare and deregulating the telecommunications industry and privatizing prisons, but he did it anyway.
I don't know if you catch Bill Maher's show.
Why would you?
Bill Maher lamenting.
He was lamenting the imminent demise of people like George Herbert Walker Bush as an example of a, quote, rational Republican.
You know, Bill Maher lamenting the imminent demise of people like George Herbert Walker Bush as an example of a, quote, rational Republican is a lot like a crazy anti-writers union, rich libertarian bigot fondly reminiscing over a war criminal.
Hey, don't believe it when politicians and news media stars tell you they've evolved from their past anti-union, pro-war, racist, homophobic, or xenophobic beliefs.
Evolution takes longer than you think for these dinosaurs.
That's not really a joke.
Hey, did you hear Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks, is retiring from Starbucks.
And the rumor is he plans to run for president.
Wow.
And you can get your Schultz 2020 t-shirts now at sizes that range from tall to vente.
You know, Kelly Sadler, she's the woman who made the crack about John McCain dying soon.
She's been fired from her White House job because her joke stepped on Trump's punchline where he was ridiculing disabled people.
You know, I'm going to take a wait-and-see attitude and not prejudge the standalone Jared Leto Joker movie until right now.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Hillary Clinton gets another award for doing nothing from Harvard.
Plus, Michelle Obama has another reason why Hillary Clinton didn't win and we have Trump as president.
It's because women are crazy.
Plus, there was a young Palestinian nurse who was shot point-blank dead by a sniper in Israel.
Sad, we have to talk about it.
Plus, phone calls today from Liam Neeson, Rick Perry, and Barack Obama.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door show.
Hi, buddy.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door show.
Still under the weather.
Gonna do a show anyway.
Hey, I'm here with the miserable liberal and Rob LeCone.
I'm miserable.
Hello.
So we've covered this once before.
So again, what's happening is that it's being revealed that the Democrats not only didn't learn anything from 2016 and losing to Trump, they've even gotten a little worse.
Okay, so we showed you that where Hillary lost, like in Wisconsin, that many in Milwaukee neighborhood didn't vote and they don't regret it.
Here's just a little bit from that article at Upper Cuts, a bustling barbershop and green-trimmed wooden house.
Talk of politics inevitably comes back to one man, Barack Obama.
Mr. Obama's elections infused many here with a feeling of connection to national politics they had never before experienced, but their lives have not gotten appreciably better and sourness has set in.
Their lives didn't get any better.
Barack Obama presided over huge wealth transfer to who?
The upper 1%.
Didn't help those people.
Sourness has set in.
You know, people like to say how Republicans trick workers into voting for them.
What do you call Democrats?
And people were done with being tricked.
That's why Bernie Sanders was filling stadiums.
That's why you can't get a barbershop full of minorities to vote for Hillary Clinton.
By local standards, it was a disappointment.
The lowest turnout in 16 years.
And those no-shows were important.
Mr. Trump won the state by just 27,000 votes.
Lowest voter turnout in 16 years.
All four barbers, all four of those barbers, had voted for Mr. Obama, but only two could muster the enthusiasm to vote this time.
Just two of them even bothered to vote.
And even then, it was the sort of protest vote.
One wrote in Mrs. Clinton's Democratic opponent, Bernie Sanders.
So of the four of those barbers who voted, two of them, two of them didn't vote.
Of those four of those barbers who voted for Barack Obama, two of them stayed home, decided not to show up.
And the two that did show up voted for someone other than Hillary Clinton.
One wrote in Bernie Sanders and one wrote in his own name.
But do we know they might have seen a meme of Jesus arm wrestling Satan and that's probably convinced them.
So the joke Ron is making is that Hillary Clinton will tell you that's Russia's fault because they saw a meme on Twitter or Facebook.
So what does this tell you, right?
So what this tells you, if you're a normal human being who's interested in winning elections, you say, oh my gosh, we have to figure out a way to motivate those people.
Well, the best way to motivate those people is if Barack Obama would have actually did something for them.
You know, like, I don't know, reversed our criminal justice system that's criminally racist.
Maybe if he would have stood up for workers and unions in Wisconsin, he didn't stand up for unions and workers.
He let them take the union away from the teachers.
Maybe if he would have, you know, instead of kicking people out of their houses, he would have had a program to save people in their houses and make the banks whole.
Instead, it was programmed was to make the banks whole while screwing over everybody who owned a home.
So what it would make, so what you would go, wow, maybe we should start appealing to those people.
You know, we're in the business of politics.
And as a politician, you're supposed to go out and garner votes.
And if you don't get enough votes, you lose.
It's just like a football team.
You have to get enough points or you'll lose.
So you're in the business of motivating those people to vote.
And you have to say to yourself, oh my God, we are failing, the politicians.
We're not connecting with those people.
How do we get those people to come out and vote for us?
Well, a lot of people like Bernie Sanders would say offer them something.
Offer them free college.
Offer them Medicare for all.
Offer them a living wage.
Those would be big.
Offer them affordable pharmaceutical drugs.
That would be huge.
Hey, maybe break up the banks.
Have real investment happen in people's communities.
State banks.
Have a state bank.
So you offer people something.
Offer them an infrastructure which gives everyone jobs.
Building our country instead of building bombs that we drop on poor countries.
So that's what a real normal human being politician would be like, wow, we got a problem.
We have to go get those votes.
We're so bad, we couldn't even beat Donald Trump.
Those people wouldn't even vote for Hillary Clinton.
They wouldn't even come out.
And they knew who Donald Trump was.
But the problem was they knew who the Democrats are too now.
And so if you're a normal human being, you'll start chiding your party for its deficiencies.
You'll start pointing out where the party has let the people down and why the people no longer show up when the party asks them to.
That's what you would do as a politician, as a normal politician.
But the Democrats are not normal.
The Democrats are wolves in sheep's clothing.
And all they have is Russia and voter shaming.
And you want more proof of it?
Here's Michelle Obama, who, let's remember, was shocked to her core when she heard Trump say horrible things about women's genitalia, But apparently isn't shocked that her husband had a kill list, killed teenagers, killed extrajudicially American citizens, took us from two wars to seven.
Apparently, apparently, torture and war crimes didn't shock her to her core.
You know what did?
Trump.
Isn't that amazing?
Not the system that gave us Trump.
Not when people were kicked out of their houses.
Not black citizens that are killed with impunity by racist cops on the street every day.
That doesn't shock her to her core.
Not cops in tanks pointing sniper rifles at unarmed protests.
That didn't shock her to her core.
So here is Michelle Obama.
Now, again, here's her prescription to get, remember who she's trying to get to vote?
She's trying to get these people to vote.
She's trying to get these people to vote who didn't vote after Barack Obama let them down for eight years.
So instead of going, well, we didn't do anything for those people.
We didn't help them.
And they're desperate.
And they couldn't even bring themselves to vote for Hillary Clinton.
We tried to jam another corporate as a warmonger down their throat.
And here's her solution.
It's her solution to go find a way to appeal to those voters.
No.
In fact, the exact opposite.
We're still at that stage where we're trying to figure out what it means to be women and what we think of ourselves, what we think of each other.
And, you know, sorry, in light of this last election, I'm concerned about us as women and how we think.
You're not concerned about your freaking Democratic Party and how they think and why African Americans and minorities and women didn't support them.
You're not worried about that.
You're worried about what's wrong with women.
Not what's wrong with that horrible government that your husband just presided over for eight years and did almost nothing to help people.
You're not worried about that.
You're not worried about your Democratic Party and people won't vote.
Even when given the guy like Trump, it didn't motivate people.
Even then, still it's women.
Someone else's fault.
It's not the politics.
It's not the politicians.
It's not the party.
It's not the system.
It's not the horrible results.
It's there's something wrong with women.
That's what Barack Obama, that's what Barack Obama's wife, Michelle, is telling you.
Miss Dignity is coming out to voter shame.
Not to make sure the Democratic Party gets better, not to figure out where did we go wrong in delivering to our core constituents.
Where did we go wrong?
That's not her question.
Her question is: what's wrong with women?
Okay, let me get this straight.
Michelle Obama is coming out to tell me as a woman that she's worried about women and how women are perceiving themselves and how we don't support other women.
That's what she's saying.
That's what this woman is telling.
She's saying that this election, Steph, is revealing that there's something wrong with women.
You know what?
I have no problem.
That's like something Trump would say.
Yeah, I love Tulsi Gabbard.
I'm worried about Tulsi Gabbard.
Are you in love with Nina Turner?
I'm in love with Nina Turner.
Gail McLaughlin, I'm in love with her.
You want to know why?
Because they share my values.
Allison Martin and Alison Harton, they share the purpose that we're supposed to be moving our country forward.
Right.
She is just taking this opportunity to shit on women.
Yes, she's actually doing that.
She's figuratively shitting on women right now.
That's exactly what she's doing.
She's not propping women up.
She's not saying, well, what are women supposed to do when given this horrible?
Everybody knows.
Everybody knows we cheated the person women should have voted for in the, we rigged the primary.
She's not talking about that, how we got to get better, how we got to get back in touch with our grassroots.
No.
Her husband just took half a million dollars and a clip from banks and equity companies that kick people out of their houses.
Hey, you know what I'm worried about, Michelle?
I'm worried about the kids that have been separated and incarcerated from their parents.
That's what I'm worried about.
You know who else I'm worried about?
I'm worried about the 6,000 people in Puerto Rico that died.
And I'm worried about my sisters and brothers in Puerto Rico.
They're stranded.
They're lost.
And nobody's helping them.
That's who I'm worried about.
So, you know, if I have to vote for the woman you think I need to vote for, then count me out.
I'm not a part of this party.
I'm with you, Steph.
Let's hear some more of her indignant voter shame.
Can we start it again from the beginning?
Yeah.
Okay.
Because everything about it drives me crazy.
So this is her indignant voters.
This is all they have.
Michelle Obama slammed.
What's going on in my head?
We're still at that stage where we're trying to figure out what it means to be women.
No.
No, you know what it's like to be a woman?
Jimmy, I'm sitting here next to Ron and Arno and you.
I'm trying to figure out where's my place in the world as a woman.
I'm helpless.
I need another woman to tell me how to feel about it.
She's saying that you, women, let Hillary Clinton down.
Not Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party let the world down.
I'm not with her.
But that women let her down.
They have it exactly opposite.
Still, this is the party Bernie's propping up.
What we think of ourselves, what we think of each other.
And, you know, sorry, in light of this last election, I'm concerned about us as women and how we think about ourselves and about each other and what's really going on.
I think more about what is going on in our heads where we let that happen.
You know?
Not what's going on in our heads where we let a group like that sitting in that barber shop not come out and vote for us.
What happened to us that those people don't come out and vote for debt?
Like, no, it's like, what's wrong with those people?
That's what she's literally saying.
And I know people get on me for saying literally, they say it makes me sound like a Kardashian because I say it.
But I literally don't think so.
Why are they accepting Barack Obama making the banks bigger and kicking 5.1 million families out of their houses?
Why are they okay with that?
Why are they okay for the income inequality to explode under Barack Obama?
Why are they okay with the biggest wealth transfer?
Why are they okay with that?
Why are they okay with no public option, no Medicare for all, no free college?
Everybody's in debt and gross amount of spending on our military.
No, she's not talking about that.
You're not talking about the fact that we spent $700 billion on our military, 40% more than we were spending at the height of the Iraq war on our bombs.
Go tell a woman who had a child that went to Iraq and couldn't bring themselves to vote for anyone, or maybe they voted for Jill Stein because they knew that was the only peace candidate on the ballot.
Go up to them and tell them, you just don't know what it's like to be a woman, someone who had a child in Iraq.
Isn't this Michelle's way of calling me a deplorable?
Yes, this is Michelle's way of calling you a deplorable.
But you don't know you're a deplorable yet.
You don't know yet.
Is it because I'm a woman and my brain can't figure out stuff?
She's again, she's sitting there.
What's wrong?
Again, it's the finger wagging at the powerless.
You know, instead of finger wagging at the powerful, she's finger wagging at the powerless because that's what Michelle Obama is.
And right now, one of the leading voices in progress in education are teacher unions.
That's right.
And then Barack Obama abandoned.
Right.
And the majority of union members happen to be in that profession.
Women.
Women.
So instead of her applauding women for standing up to the bastards through their teacher unions, she's whacking their finger at women because they didn't vote for Hillary Clinton.
So I do wonder, what are young girls dreaming about if we're still there?
Where when the most qualified person running was a woman.
Again, their whole thing is, what's wrong with these people who won't vote for us?
What kind of politician does that?
A megalomaniac, a nincum poop, and an idiot.
That's who goes, what's wrong with these people who won't vote for us?
They better go to their psychiatrists and get their head right and then come back and vote for us.
That's what she's saying.
It's kind of stunning, right?
It's very stunning.
And there was a time in the past where I thought Michelle was going to be what we wanted Obama to be.
There was a time.
Oh, believe me, that was a while ago.
And man, the egg was on my face.
There was a period of time where I thought that was going to be the case.
And I was wrong.
Well, you know, Jimmy, this video, it really struck me to my core.
It really did.
And I have to say this when she said that there was only one person that happened to be more qualified.
I like to think she's thinking about Jill Stein when she's talking about another woman because there was another woman in the race, Michelle.
And get ready.
This is all they're going to have to offer you in 2020.
This is what they're going to offer you in 2018 and 20.
This is what they're offering you.
What's wrong with you?
You know, as Nina Turner says, any blue just won't do.
And there she is.
And I'm going to hear what's inspirational.
Voter shaming at the top of her lungs.
Voter shaming at full speed, voter shaming.
What's wrong with girls?
So now girls are walking around.
What's wrong with us?
What's wrong with us?
Now young girls are walking around.
What's wrong with women?
That's shit Trump's supposed to be doing to them.
Not Michelle Obama who's mind fucking them on purpose.
Here we go.
And look what we did instead.
I mean, that says something about where we are.
Says nothing about the political system, says nothing about the military-industrial complex, says nothing about the Democratic Party cheating its own members, pushing out the most repulsive candidate in the history of our country.
It says nothing about that, right?
It says everything about something's wrong with the voters.
Now you know why we got Trump.
Not one Zentilla of an idea how to appeal to those women.
That's what you're supposed to do as a politician.
You're supposed to go out and campaign for votes.
You're supposed to go out and appeal to people.
And if you can't appeal to people, that's your fault.
Forget everybody else.
That's what we have to explore.
Because if we as women are still suspicious of one another, if we're still, if we still have this crazy, crazy bar for each other that we don't have for men.
That's why Donald Trump is president, because women have a crazy higher bar for Hillary Clinton.
This is criminal almost what she's doing.
This is making sure nothing gets better.
This is making sure the Democrats don't ever have to address their problems, that they're completely 100% corrupted by corporate cash.
Which is why the Democrats just voted to deregulate Wall Street, to give Trump, who's a maniac, $80 billion more dollars a year to go do war.
He's a maniac.
He shouldn't have nukes.
How can we get him some more money for war?
Nothing.
Talks about nothing.
Michelle Obama is a buffoon.
And she's gaslighting women right now.
Yes, she is gaslighting women right now because she's also pretending as if our country is the only country that matters.
And so if you don't see a woman in power as president of the United States, then what kind of dreams could you possibly have?
As if there weren't women throughout the world that have held positions of power and leadership.
You know, and right now.
What did she do with her leadership?
She got kids to eat carrots.
Well, but pizza's still a vegetable.
Yeah.
Ketchup.
If we're still doing that today, if we're more comfortable with, if we're not comfortable with the notion that a woman could be our president compared to what?
You know?
So again, it's all our problems.
So we're uncomfortable with a woman being president.
It's just so, you know.
It's so gaslighting.
It's so condescending.
It's so disingenuous, too, is what it is.
Well, and what's interesting right now, if you and self-serving.
I'm sorry.
Well, if you asked me to name, what are some names in journalism you're excited about?
My list would be 90% female.
There are so many amazing females in journalism right now.
In music right now, there are so many amazing female bands that it reminds me of the Riot Girl movement in the early 90s.
In politics, the politician I'm most excited about, period, is Gail McLaughlin.
I mean, to make it out like an entire gender is having some identity crisis is just beyond ridiculous.
You know, I would rather see this woman right now talk about the mayor in Puerto Rico.
I think her name is Carmen Cruz.
Here's a woman that faced off with Donald Trump asking for supplies and making sure that Puerto Rico that is American is cared for.
So instead of telling me right now, Michelle, that we're not supporting females, why don't you get off that stage and go to Puerto Rico and make sure that the Puerto Rican Carmen Cruz right now is being helped and supported because she is in a position of power and influence.
Well, you see her and Barack, they're going all over the country advocating for Medicare for all and free college.
And they're down in Puerto Rico making sure, oh, they're not doing anything.
They're out surfing with Branson or windsurfing with Branson.
And when they're not doing that, they're giving a speech for a half million dollars to a bank.
And when they're not doing that, they're at some kind of symposium voter shaming women, telling women that they're crazy.
There's something wrong with women's brains.
What's wrong with our, she's doing that.
And now we have Susan Rice on the boards of Netflix.
Yep.
So Michelle and Barack Obama can continue to do in film and distribute propaganda so girls can feel shitty about themselves.
okay, so so far, Michelle, I think if I were a young girl, I would know that I'm fucking overweight and dumb.
It is frustrating to see a lot of men blow it and win.
There you go.
That's a losing message, Michelle.
Hey, hey, Michelle.
I wonder what.
The Democratic Party is in a moment of questioning about its identity.
You were re-elected to lead the Democrats in the House.
What do you tell Democrats who want a new direction?
And then go to you.
What are you going to do differently?
Well, I don't think that people want a new direction.
They don't want a new direction.
They didn't show up and vote.
You guys lost to Donald Trump.
So what Michelle Obama did was she took what corrupt Nancy Pelosi just did to another level.
Nancy Pelosi stuck her head in the sand and it's like, no, no, no, we're hanging.
We are hanging on to our donor cash.
We represent our donors, not our voters.
And then Michelle Obama took it one step further and was like, not only that, but there's something wrong with you.
There's something wrong with women in our country.
Can you imagine if Trump lost the election and he would come out and say, there's something wrong with women?
What's wrong with women?
But that's what Michelle Obama's doing.
Welcome to the resistance.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
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We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
Liam Neeson left some messages on my analog message machine.
Jimmy, hello.
Who I am or what I want is of no importance right now.
What is important is let me all right let me take that back.
Who I am or what you think I want are of no importance right now.
The verb to be needed a plural form to agree with the subject unless you interpret who I am and what I want as one thing taken together.
But that's not how I saw it.
I've been diagramming sentences for decades.
Excuse me, time for my transfusion.
What is important is what I think I want you to want.
Read that back to me.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
You're in Friesland eating blood sausage with your Marxist comrades.
I'm doing a men in black reboot.
It's called Men in Black Hair Dye.
I'm 75 years old.
Not hiding it any longer.
Just thinking about making a fist gives me a stroke.
Find my daughter.
I can't even find the remote.
All I can say is there better be ramps where they're keeping her.
If she's changed the plumbing, it better be simulated antique brushed bronze fixtures.
I'm very particular about that.
I bet you and your audience are worrying a lot about the potential ravages of nuclear war.
Believe me, acute radiation syndrome is not as cute as its acronym.
Let me put one word out there for you.
Placenta.
Ruminate on that a few moments while I take the composting out.
Placenta.
I push one button and 38 agents are here before you have time to scratch your worthless balls.
Is that a bad pickup line?
Oh, and this is Liam Neeson.
You see, scientists say Placenta can now be used to fight radiation poisoning, but only after a pharmaceutical company gives it a name like PLX R18 and slaps a huge price tag on it.
In my day, Placenta was free.
You couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting placenta.
I'm not saying Placenta grew on trees, but it did.
What the fuck is going on?
I'm doing a men in black reboot.
It's called Men in Black Hair Dye.
I'm 75 years old.
Not hiding it any longer.
Just thinking about making a fist gives me a stroke.
Find my daughter.
I can't even find the remote.
All I can say is there better be ramps where they're keeping her.
She's changed the plumbing.
It better be simulated antique brushed bronze fixtures.
I'm very particular about that.
What's the difference between a regular bear claw and a mini bear claw?
A ton of hurt.
George Bush Sr. is in the hospital again.
Why is it always news when he checks into the hospital?
He's 93 years old.
Should be news when he checks out.
This and other clever observations can be found in my new book.
I'll start tomorrow, my humorous book on dieting.
Hey, have you seen Melania lately?
I can't find her.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Dore show.
I'm back.
I'm still under the weather.
I've been sick since June 7th.
I mean, May 7th.
But anyway, it doesn't matter.
We're here today.
We're here with the miserable liberal in Ron Placone.
I'm miserable.
Howdy, howdy.
You know, the horribleness that's been happening in Gaza, right?
There's an open-air prison, Israeli occupation, and they're starting to protest against it.
And so the way that Israel has responded to the Palestinians protesting against their having to live in an open-air prison is by shooting them with snipers.
We've told you that.
So that's how they're handling it.
So it's, you know, the most disgusting human rights violations, if you want to call out and out murdering people.
And what kind of people are they murdering?
Well, so there's been people been going to give first aid to the wounded, right?
So here's one of them.
Rosanna El Najar.
That's how you say it.
Rosanna El Najar.
She's going to tell you what she's been doing.
So there she is.
She's giving first aid to people being shot by rubber bullets, by real bullets, by other things, by Israeli soldiers during the protests.
And she says she's been working from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. every night.
So what happened to her?
Well, So she sounds like a pretty decent person.
And you see what she's doing there.
She has her white coat on and she has her hands up.
So here's another picture of her with her hands up as she's going over to assist someone who's been injured.
So she's a medic, got the white coat on, got her hands up, white gloves.
And what did they do?
They shot her in the chest and killed her.
She had her hands up.
White coat.
And how did the New York Times cover it?
A woman dedicated to saving lives loses hers in Gaza.
She lost her life.
No, she was murdered.
So if a Palestinian would have shot an Israeli soldier in the chest, he had his hands up, the headline in the New York Times would not be soldier loses his life on the Gaza border.
It would be terrorists kill soldier, murder soldier in cold blood.
That would have been their headline.
Sniper shoots nurse.
Yeah, how about sniper shoots nurse?
How about Israeli sniper shoots nurse?
How about Israeli sniper?
Well, how about this?
This is from George Galloway.
He says the war crime committed against Razan Najar has gone virtually unremarked among our political class, and it's hireling Lick Spittle media.
Yet on my Twitter alone, more than 1 million people in not 36 hours have engaged with it.
The mainstream media is doomed, is a doomed, hollowed-out shell.
This is the future.
So, I mean, if there's anybody, like I, about a year and a year ago, maybe a year and a half ago, I went on a famous person's podcast who's a very nice gentleman, well-meaning and very funny, and a friend.
And we got into a heated discussion, shouting match about Syria.
And, you know, I get it.
I understand that if you are a casual observer of the news, you would have thought that Saddam Hussein was Hitler and that he had weapons of mass destruction.
You would have thought that.
You would have also thought that Assad is a butcher, that we have to go topple to save his own people from him.
You wouldn't know that we actually started that war in Syria.
The CIA funded terrorists to topple Assad, right?
So when we don't like someone, we overthrow them like we did in Iran.
We overthrow, we don't like democracies.
I mean, when I say we, I mean the intelligence community in the United States, the CIA, and our governments.
So I understand, I went on a show and he was screaming at me that, you know, we've got to help those people in Syria, which is exactly what the permanent state, the intelligence community, the CIA, and the military-industrial complex wanted you to think.
But every independent journalist has gone over there has shown this is ridiculous.
And now we know, well, from many, many different sources that the United States, one of them being the Washington Post, is that the United States CIA funded terrorists to overthrow Assad.
That's what this is all about.
And of course, Professor Jeffrey Sachs went on MSNBC's Morning Joeball and leveled everybody saying that we made this mess in Syria.
So what I'm saying is if you still think that what we're doing in Syria or Libya or Afghanistan or Iraq or Niger or Somalia or Yemen has anything to do with helping people because we care about people, well, this should disabuse you of those stupid notions, right?
Stuff like this, just the out-and-out slaughter of people on the Gaza border by Israeli soldier snipers.
Also, I'll give you this.
This is from the Quds News Network, QUDS.
No wonder that Palestinian paramedic Razan Ashraf Najar was killed by Israeli war criminals on the same day that Nikki Haley vetoed the UNSC draft resolution for international protection of people of Palestine.
U.S. voted against a draft resolution in the UNSC, United Nations Security Council calling for protection of Palestinian demonstrators in the Gaza Strip.
She voted against it.
So if this doesn't, so if you still have this idea that the United States pushes humanitarian agenda anywhere, what we push is a military-industrial complex agenda, bankers' agenda, and fossil fuel companies' agendas.
And what do we use to push that agenda?
Our military.
So this should disabuse you of any of those ideas if you still think that.
That's why I brought up that podcast I went on about a year ago.
I would say 80% of the people who call themselves the resistance buy into the government's narrative on foreign policy, which is this.
So here's a quick little Israeli war crimes 2018.
Killing journalists, killing medics, journalists.
Look at this.
Killing disabled people.
You know what I want to add to this, Jimmy, is according to the Geneva Convention, it's Article 24.
Medical personnel exclusively engaged in the search for or the collection transport or treatment of the wounded or sick or in the prevention of disease, staff exclusively engaged in the administration of medical units and establishments shall be respected and protected in all circumstances.
Yeah, okay.
That's again, that's for the losers of wars.
They have to abide by the Geneva Convention.
The winners don't have to abide by the Geneva Conventions.
The losers do.
So we're the winners, and we never have to abide by them.
Right now, the United States is helping Saudi Arabia commit a war crime, commit siege warfare, which is a war crime in Yemen.
So, of course, none of this stuff really gets reported in the United States like it should.
And also, here's one more thing you should know.
A new bill in the Israeli Knesset criminalizes journalists.
This is what's happening.
Remember this, oh, Trump is the worst because he's coming after journalists.
They still say that.
Even after everybody knows that Barack Obama used the Espionage Act to silence whistleblowers, he did that.
He did that to Chelsea Manning.
They tortured Chelsea Manning.
What did Chelsea Manning?
Chelsea Manning is this generation's Daniel Ellsberg With the Pentagon papers.
Look what they're doing to Edward Snowden.
Look what they're trying to do to Julian Assange right now.
Name one thing Julian Assange has ever printed that's false.
So again, I hope all this, that's why this show exists, because the establishment news sucks so hard.
It won't ever tell you the truth about that.
People pretending to care about human rights, people pretending to care about journalism.
That's got to be 80% of hashtag the resistance.
Well, what does it say about the state of journalism?
You know, getting into this conflict and other conflicts, what does it say about the state of journalism where not only the people are we not listening to, but the people we try to discredit first are the people who were actually there.
The people that go into these zones, like the Eva Bartletts, Gabby Martins, Juan Cole, the people that were actually Robert Fisk, award-winning journalists.
Those are the people that should have the biggest platforms because they were there.
Right.
Well, you know, the people who should have the biggest platforms, maybe the people who got the Iraq war right, like Phil Donahue.
Where is he?
You think they would have him on every day.
But what they do have on it, the people who got the role were wrong every day.
How about that's everyone on TV?
Because if you got the war right, you got fired.
Jesse Ventura, fired.
Phil Donahue, fired.
You want to even cover a guy who's progressive?
You're fired.
Ed Schultz.
Ashley Banfield, also.
This is Amnesty International's Israeli plan to illegally demolish and forcibly transfer the Palestinian Bedouin village of Can el-Hamar east of Jerusalem amounts to a war crime, says Amnesty International.
I mean, how many more reports do we have to hear of people condemning what Israel's doing?
And, you know, a lot of people say, hey, man, it's really complicated.
And it depends on what time.
It's not complicated when it's not complicated when you're committing war crimes.
That's not complicated.
It's not complicated when the people are living in an open-air prison.
When you live in an apartheid state, that's not complicated.
It's not complicated when you're shooting journalists, when you're shooting nurses, medics.
It's not complicated.
When you're shooting unarmed protesters, it's not complicated.
A lot of people like to apologize for Israel.
And so, of course, and the MSNBC even let Chris Hayes tell the truth about Gaza for three minutes one time.
That was like, hey, all right, you could keep your 30 grand a day and do three minutes on Gaza.
So I wanted to report that story just because of what George Galloway said that it's not being reported.
What a beautiful humanitarian that was just killed in cold blood.
Hands up, going over to give medical care to someone, and they shoot her right in the chest.
And so we're doing it over there.
We're allowing it to happen over there.
And it's also happening here at home.
So that's why cops get to kill people with impunity in the United States.
So whatever we do to someone over there, as David Feldman has said, we're going to do to ourselves.
And we're already doing it.
And our news media is worthless.
Worthless.
So I wanted to.
It's a sad, sad story.
And I hate having to report it.
It's like I can't.
It's like I, you know, most mornings I wake up, I don't even want to go on Twitter.
Not because of the stupid things people say about me, but because of how horrible reality is and how everyone's just sitting there and letting it happen.
*Clears throat*
So there you go.
Anything at anything else?
Yeah, of course, Steph, they don't have to, Israel's not following the Geneva Conventions.
Of course not.
And these conventions were begun because they, especially this one, because the Nazis, they were saying, okay, the Nazis would do this type of behavior in Europe.
Yeah.
And so we don't want to do that behavior.
No, and now look what they're doing.
It's kind of ironic.
But of course, they'll tell you Putin.
You got to make sure Putin.
But here is Trump sticking by Netanyahu, who's committing atrocities and war crimes left and right.
But Putin, Putin, it almost makes me think their hatred of Putin is, I don't know, like a political game.
It almost makes me think that.
Hashtag the resistance, head up their fucking ass.
On purpose.
You don't think Rachel Maddow knows better?
They all know better.
You think Lawrence O'Donnell knows better?
You don't think Anderson Cooper, former CIA and a member of the Vanderbilt family.
Boy, if there's anybody who's going to be a muck ricker.
I would say the corporate media at this point, and especially when it comes to anything international, they're not just worthless.
They're destructive.
They're destructive, of course.
Well, they're owned by the people they're supposed to be exposing.
And that's the problem.
They're owned by the military industrial complex.
They're funded by fossil fuel companies.
They're funded by banks.
And those are the people they're supposed to be exposing.
And they're not.
They're funded by them.
I guess that's why the truth seems so obvious to us and we tell it so freely because we don't get money from those people.
We get money from you who can't stand that kind of news.
That's why you come here.
So, okay.
The silver lining, if there is one, or if you can make some lemonade out of this horrible, horrible situation, is that you can point to this when people think that the United States is out there doing humanitarian work.
You can do that.
You can point to this and say, if we really gave a shit about anybody, why wouldn't we be doing something?
Because we don't.
In fact, we do the exact opposite.
We vote against protecting people.
So guess what?
Because of all the great work Hillary Clinton has done, Harvard decided to honor her.
There's no more deserving woman than getting an honor.
Hillary Clinton receives the Radcliffe Medal.
Isn't that fantastic?
Congratulations.
It looks like a sketch.
Looks like they're doing a sketch.
And this is like, this is a comedian from the Bob Newhart show.
Sand next to her.
And they're holding hands, and she's waving.
She's got the medal.
Look, she got the medal around her neck.
And, you know, since it's June, you can understand why she's dressed like she just came from Siberia.
She has a history of overheating.
Former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton on Friday received a Radcliffe Medal.
What's the Radcliffe Medal?
It annually honors a recipient whose life and work have had a, quote, transformative impact on society.
Oh, she's had a transformative impact on society.
Just not in a good way.
Well, for instance, WikiLeaks caught this.
They say Harvard has announced that Hillary Clinton will receive a medal for a transformative impact on society.
But there is only one society she truly transformed, and that would be Libya.
From the most developed society in Africa into a smoking ISIS-infested ruin.
Oh, yeah, she did that.
Oh, by the way, USA Today says this to, hey, Africans are being sold at Libyan slave markets.
Thanks, Hillary Clinton.
That's the USA Today.
That's how bad it is.
You think we're kidding?
This is really, this is really happening.
This is from the CNNs.
Did you know one of the N stands for news?
A man addressing an unseen crowd.
Big strong boys for Farmwood, he says.
400.
700.
700.
800.
The numbers roll in.
These men are sold for 1,200 Libyan pounds.
$400 apiece.
you are watching an auction of human beings.
And I...
Did she get an award for that?
Was that her medal?
Was that what she transformed?
Here's Wikileaks.
Here's her getting a congratulations in one of her emails.
I believe this came from Sidney Blumenthal.
She says, First, brava, this is a historic moment, and you will be credited for realizing it.
Talking about toppling Qaddafi and turning Libya into this ISIS-infestated hole.
When Qaddafi himself is finally removed, you should, of course, make a public statement before the cameras wherever you are.
Even in the driveway of your vacation house, you must go on camera.
You must establish yourself in the historical record at this moment.
Got to take credit for this, baby.
For us turning Libya, one of the most advanced countries in the continent, into a failed ISIS-infestated slave nation.
That happened because we did it.
Oh, and she did, by the way.
She did, but wherever she was, where there was a camera.
So, I mean, that is the land of unconfirmed videos.
We came, we saw, he died.
That's what a sociopath does.
We just killed the leader of another country that we convinced into disarming a little while ago.
And then giggles.
And then giggles.
Well, to be fair, Hillary Clinton did have a transformative impact on me.
She made me want to transform my Democratic registration to independent.
There you go.
So the woman running this Radcliffe thing for her, calling her name is Cohen, coincided with Clinton's extensive career as a lawyer and champion for the rights of women and children.
What has she ever done?
She worked with Children's Defense Fund, and then she wanted to be on the Walmart board.
And then she called black kids super predators as they gutted welfare and deregulated Wall Street and exploded the prison population at the same time.
What has she ever done for what is she?
I mean, Steph, do you know what you're a woman?
You should know.
I mean, I know Michelle Obama says there's something wrong with your brain.
You know, I don't know where to stand on this right now.
Okay, so let me just read this one element to you, you know, when you're saying about what has Hillary Clinton ever done.
This is from Americangreatness.com.
They say, when it comes to Hillary Clinton as a champion for human rights, is there anything more telling than her activities through the Clinton Foundation in Haiti?
After the devastating 2010 earthquake in that unfortunate country, Hillary, then Secretary of State and Bill heading up a Haiti construction fund, funneled tens of millions of dollars to Haiti for relief efforts, but the money never went to the Haitians.
It went instead to a wide network of Clinton relatives, friends, and cronies, often via the Clinton Foundation.
The Haitians themselves initially regarded the Clintons as saviors.
They soon learned otherwise and now routinely protest outside the offices of the Clinton Foundation.
That's her as first lady, that U.S. Senator from New York, as Secretary of State, and as a Democratic nominee for president of 2016.
She championed the rights of women and children.
So they also say that the Radcliffe Medal is connected to her higher education in the past.
And they said it's connected to the Laureate Education's Walden University, a Clinton-backed for-profit university that paid $16 million to Bill Clinton to be honorary chancellor, never to do any work.
While the State Department funneled $55 million of taxpayer funds to the laureate, Hillary was Secretary of State.
But it's Trump that's corrupt.
I mean, around every corner, under every rug, there's a Clinton corruption scandal somewhere.
Look what Steph just found out like that about this.
These guys are grifters.
They became hundred millionaires while serving in government.
They're grifters.
And you're the sucker.
And they're paying out.
Look at that.
They got people to give them awards.
She has lived a life of public service.
She uses her fierce intellect and determination to lose to game show hosts.
She uses her first intellect and determination to cheat Bernie Sanders in the biggest election fraud of the history of our country called the Democratic Primary 2016.
She uses her fierce intellect and determination to create meaningful social and political change.
They never say what that is.
They never say that, what it is.
In the whole article, they never say what that meaningful change is.
They just say it.
They just say it.
That's called a platitude without a specific.
She displays the courage demanded of those who go first, Cohen told the audience.
Get this.
Clinton says she has been inspired by the many women, some of them political newcomers, who have been running for office in recent months.
A development that she is supporting through her new political action organization called Onward Together.
Cynthia Nixon's not one of them, though, huh?
Right?
Exactly, Ron, because why did Hillary Clinton endorse Cuobo over Cynthia Nixon?
I thought she has a whole organization dedicated to helping women.
Oh, no, it's dedicated to helping her donor class.
And if that happens to be a woman, then so be it.
If it's not, so be it.
Oh, Michelle Obama's going to be so.
Oh, Michelle Obama.
What's wrong with us?
Michelle Obama will be going crazy.
So this is the establishment.
This is hashtag resistance.
This is why we have Trump.
This is why we're in a failing country.
This is why the richest country in the world and half the people are poor or low income.
50% of all people make less than $30,000 or less a year in the richest country in the world.
GoFundMe's our biggest health insurer.
Go fund me.
This is the establishment doing what the establishment does.
Sit around giving each other blowjobs for doing nothing except funneling money to each other.
How much did they funnel to the Laureate College?
How to that for-profit?
Bill Clinton got $16 million for doing nothing.
And then they got $55 million from the government.
Isn't that weird?
Isn't that weird?
They're so above board.
Why did Bill Clinton get half a million dollars from a Kremlin bank?
No one ever told us that.
Why that happened?
They're criminals.
They're criminals.
This is regarding the Onward Together pack.
Yeah.
Okay.
So this comes from Newsweek, and it says Republicans criticize Clinton's return to politics.
Has she ever left?
No.
Newsweek, really, has she ever left?
With some arguing that Onward Together breaks her promise to end unaccountable money in politics.
Visitors to the website have the option to either read the mission statement or donate money.
It's registered as a 501c4 group, which the Internal Revenue Service designates for so-called social welfare organizations.
These groups are often cited as a cause of a rise in dark money and politics.
Oh, so it turns out that our Radcliffe winner is a complete disaster for women, children, men of all ages and transgendered.
She's a disaster.
But, you know, she's famous and whatever, and her husband was president.
She was like, she's powerful.
And, you know, these are sycophants and they're all funneling money to each other.
Now you know why you have Trump.
It's former President Barack Obama on the line.
Hello.
Hi, Jimmy.
It's former President Barack Obama.
Will you accept a collect call?
You can't afford a long-distance call.
It is my goal to make the Democratic Party appeal more to the average centrist voter.
And who can't relate to getting stuck with long-distance charges, right?
It's universal, like healthcare will never be.
I am doing my part as an engaged and proactive former president to reach out to the average voter.
And how are you reaching out to the average voter?
By endorsing Diane Feinstein for the Senate.
People who can't scrape together $500 for an emergency love out-of-touch chameleonaire real estate moguls like Diane.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right, it was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Step Samurano, and Mark Van Landowicz.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
Do not, you got it.
Do not freak.
You do not freak.
Do not freak out.
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