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Aug. 25, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:27
20170825_0824_TJDS_PODCAST
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Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Oh my God, look what we have on the phone.
It's our favorite extremely dangerous online alt-right provocateur, Saint Himmler.
St. Himmler, how are you?
St. Himmler?
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
What's wrong, buddy?
I got pepper sprayed.
Oh, no.
In my eyes.
In my eyeballs.
Really?
Yes.
Oh, it hurts so bad.
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
Antifa sprayed me.
Is that so?
Yes.
Antifa pepper sprayed me with mace.
And now I can't see, goddammit.
Were you at a rally?
No, I was at home.
You were at home.
Yes.
They waited until my parents leave.
And then they break in and drag me outside because they know I'm agoraphobic and then spray me and run away laughing.
Commie pigs.
How do they know where you live?
They followed me home when I ran away from a rally.
So you were at a rally.
Yes, a few days ago, I was at a rally trying to protect the local statue of Braxton Bragg.
But I thought you said you were agoraphobic.
Well, you know those compression shirts that dogs wear to make them not afraid of sunder?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Well, they make a similar thing, but for agoraphobes like me.
So if you're a gentle boy, you can go out shy like everyone else.
That's what mom says.
So I went to the rally and I got there and everyone was so big and tall, I got confused.
And then I got sprayed by Aunt Tifa scum and they chased me home.
Oh my.
So now they just keep coming back to your house to assault you?
Yes.
That's kind of funny, actually.
Yo, it's not.
What happened to civil discourse?
We were protesting peacefully, then anti-paterned violence.
This was about free speech.
Well, what were you speaking at the rally?
We were chanting, burn the Jews, hang the blacks, you'll never get our statues back.
Okay, St. Himmler.
Didn't you see, I mean, don't you see how...
They just attacked us just for talking.
Yeah, for threatening racial violence against minority groups.
But I do that on the computer all the time.
And then when you do that in public, bad things will happen to you.
Why is outside not like online, Kimby?
It just isn't, St. Himmler.
I say I've never gone outside with the people.
It was probably a bad idea.
Yeah, yeah.
I thought I was strong, but I showed up and I was small.
I thought muscles were just things people had in Marvel movies.
Some people have real muscles.
And all the things I said online about black men stealing my girlfriend, I got outside and realized I don't have a girlfriend, but other people do, and girlfriends are real.
There were even girlfriends at the rally.
You mean there were women at the rally?
Female humans?
Yes, girlfriends.
Okay, St. Himmler, I think it's best you stay inside from now on.
Yeah, I think so.
I'm going to go on Stormfront.
Tell everyone to stay inside and organize, but organize for being online.
We'll do our work online only from now on.
That sounds good.
You stay inside.
My eyes are still stingy.
*music*
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T-Day.
Here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Hey, got a lot coming up, but let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
You know what?
I read, I read that if your pets start acting strange, it could be a sign an eclipse is about to happen.
And I know this is true because right before the last eclipse, my dog came up to me and told me about Building 7.
Come on, that's strange behavior.
That is strange behavior for a pet during an eclipse.
Hey, it's official.
The Democratic Party's only hope is if Trump serves his full term.
I don't care what any of you say.
I will never remove the name of Confederate General Stonewall Jackson from my jizmop.
You got to bleep jizz for the radio.
Nazi rallies, threats of nuclear war with Russia and North Korea.
If there's ever been a time when this country could use an ice bucket challenge, it is now.
Hey, the KKK eats white sheetcakes.
That's a joke for T to Fay.
Steve Bannon resigned.
We know that, right?
Steve Bannon resigned.
He said he wants to spend more time with his aloneness.
Now, I have a source that says MSNBC is going to hire Steve Bannon as a lizard body language expert.
Boy, I remember the old days when Pussy Riot used to call themselves uncontrolled vaginal revelry.
All right.
What's coming up on today's show?
Hey, we're going to listen to Rachel Maddow bring out a military hero and both of them advocate for stealing the natural resources from a foreign country we invaded and occupied.
That's going to be pretty mind-blowing when you hear that segment.
Turns out, Republicans are now dominating the Democrats in small dollar donations.
That's a true story.
That's coming up on today's show.
Trump's base turns on him over Afghanistan.
That's coming up on today's show.
Plus, the Washington Post chief celebrates Trump's commitment to endless war.
Plus, we got phone calls today.
We got phone calls today.
You already heard St. Himmler.
Jeff Sessions is going to call in today.
Bernie Sanders and Barak Obama call in.
That's today on the Jimmy Dorm Show.
*music*
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Dore Show over here with the miserable liberal and Ron Placone.
Howdy, howdy.
Miserable.
Guess what?
So Donnie Trump did a little flippy-floppy.
Well, here, let's here's what he says.
My original instinct was to pull out.
And historically, I like following my instincts.
But all my life, I've heard that decisions are much different when you sit behind the desk in the open.
He sounds like he's sitting behind a desk in fourth grade.
That's all he's reading.
Is that unbelievable?
Tradition.
I mean, anyway, I don't want to make fun of his reading too much, but he is reading the hell out of it.
And it is funny that how many that all they did was make fun of Barack Obama for reading off a teleprompter.
Well, at least he could do it.
This guy.
Literally, it's like if he could just put his finger underneath each word, he would.
I don't know.
Is he going to tell us where the Oval Office is, too?
What do you mean?
I think he says in the Oval Office in the White House.
Oh, ready?
Yeah, here he goes.
Ready?
Watch.
America's enemies must never know our plans or believe they can wait us out.
I will not say when we are going to attack, but attack we will.
Okay.
So.
I like all the hand chests.
Yeah.
Attack.
We will.
So it's a bunch of non-interventionist talk, and then he all of a sudden becomes a tough guy again.
He becomes MacArthur or Patton or something.
And first of all, I just want to, I'm going to invest in some paper towels.
Why, Jimmy?
Why are you going to invest in paper towels?
Because all the people that called Trump a non-interventionist have a bunch of egg on their face that they got to wipe off.
Wipe off that egg.
I'm one of them because he stated time and time again that he was a non-interventionist.
His whole thing was that we messed up by getting involved in the Middle East and all that stuff.
But here's the thing that he said that, you know, we talked about this on the show already.
Why are we really in Afghanistan?
Well, the minerals.
They have a trillion dollars worth of rare earth minerals.
It also had to do with a natural gas pipeline that never got built.
But no one ever talks about that.
But here's what he says now.
Here's what Trump says now.
As the prime minister of Afghanistan has promised, we are going to participate in economic development to help defray the cost of this war to us.
Wow.
Sure, we're going to have endless war, but Trump's going to steal some stuff from Afghanistan to help pay for it, right?
Isn't that what it is?
Yeah, that's pretty much.
He basically just bluntly says what no other president will say, but they all do the same shit.
So he's saying it out loud, like, hey, we're going to steal their natural resources.
Whereas the other president, I love how they say, people got so mad at President Trump for saying that we should have stolen the oil.
We should have taken their oil in Iraq, right?
We did.
Everybody's like, how could you say that?
We did.
Shell oil, BP, they got it.
So.
Well, I just really love this soundbite because he's saying, like, you know, it's a lot different once you're behind the chair in the Oval Office.
He is pretty much telling everybody to go fuck themselves.
Yeah.
But he's also acknowledging what every president has pretty much ever done ever.
I mean, Obama was all like, hey, we really fucked up in the Middle East.
We got to fix this.
The Bush administration was totally wrong.
And then look what he did.
It really wasn't all that different when Obama got in office.
I mean, this is.
Once you get behind the seat, everything changes.
And Trump, you know, it's still shitty, but Trump's the only one that actually says that.
So in a way, it's actually refreshing that he's admitting that we're going to steal their resources to pay for our invasion so we could spread democracy.
I guess it's refreshing.
You were making the point about Barack Obama was all his rhetoric in the first campaign, all non-interventionist rhetoric.
Trump, all he does was talk about getting out of the Middle East, what a mistake it is, and all that stuff.
We should build our own country.
And now look at that.
He switched just like that.
He's in office, what, six, seven months?
Boom.
He switched like that, right?
So as Bill Hicks said, I think when you become president, they take you into a room and they show you a film of the Zabruder film or the Kennedy assassination.
That's right.
They show you JFK.
From an angle you've never seen before.
Yeah.
And then they just go, any questions?
Just what my agenda is.
No problem.
What's my agenda?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that seems to be happening to Trump.
Trump and Bannon were very much about non-interventionism.
And this is weird that he's ramping up the war in Afghanistan.
But the reason I'm playing this, so that's happened.
So we're going to talk more about that at another segment.
But this segment I want to talk about.
I was watching the Rachel Maddows last night because my clicker was broken and I couldn't switch over to Shark Tank.
So I decided to watch a little because they had some military people on.
And let's watch this guy.
This guy's a war hero.
Let me ask you about the first question that I just raised a moment ago about the president's speech tonight.
What do you think the president means when he says we're going to participate in economic development to help defray the cost of this war to us?
Do you know what he's talking about?
First of all, I appreciate you asked the question.
I also appreciate she pretended to not know what it means.
Yeah, I was going to say, I've never heard of this shit happening before.
You know what the hell you could possibly be talking about?
This kind of road scholar-ish shit.
So now he does this.
Well, the first conclusion, I was being facetious.
I'm going to be facetious, but the first conclusion that came to my mind is that we're going to now harvest poppies and we're going to sell them, and that's how we're going to fund it.
That is funny because, oh, wait a minute.
We did that thing here in the United States.
CIA brought cocaine into our.
Anyway, not so funny.
Which is exactly what the Taliban is doing.
But no, I think you're right.
It sounds like we are going to be involved in extricating, releasing mineral wealth from.
We're going to be...
What he said?
We're going to be releasing mineral wealth.
I don't know if you know, but.
We're giving the mineral wealth democracy.
Yes.
The mineral wealth needs to be free and have its own democracy.
So we're going to, you know, extra.
I didn't rob that bank.
I released the money from its vault.
It's liberated money now.
Yes.
The money, the money hated freedom, and then we taught the money to like freedom.
And now it's released.
Yep.
We gave it its free.
You're free, money.
You're free.
That's awesome.
Let's listen to it again.
Extricating, releasing mineral wealth from, and there is substantial mineral wealth, though I don't know whether or not it can be taken out in an efficient way.
We're going to take that out of Afghanistan.
You know, the Chinese are already there doing that.
And I think that the United States is concerned that we're not getting our share.
But I think that's a...
Do you hear all this stuff?
This is their military advisor.
By the way, Rachel Maddow pushes back on him zero for any of this stuff he's saying.
We're not going to get our share.
Our share of someone else's country, our share of one of the poorest countries in the world, who we've been occupying militarily for almost 20 freaking years.
Our share?
What the F?
You know, the Chinese are already doing this, so we better.
Do you hear these guys?
This is how the American military and the American neoliberals think that the world is ours to split up.
We got to get in there with our corporations and take some of those minerals out of there.
We have to release some of their wealth.
Rachel Battle, zero pushback.
She's zero pushback.
She does say this.
I mean, under these circumstances, this is an ongoing war, obviously.
You know, we're well over year 15 in Afghanistan.
This is not something that the president's planning to do as some sort of other project.
He wants to do this as part of the war.
I mean, under U.S. military ethics, can the U.S. government go in with the protection of U.S. soldiers and extract the wealth of another country?
Wow, that's spoken like a true journalist whose paycheck is dependent on not being honest about what's really going on in the Middle East.
Can we just go in there and think about our military?
Can we do that?
Do you see her?
First of all, no pushback on the stuff he said previously.
Any of that stuff that's like, we better get what's ours.
What's ours?
Now, she can't say any of that stuff.
She can't say any of it.
And she's not.
So she just, she just kind of asked the question again, like, I wish you would say what I can't say.
Can you please say that it's wrong that we're doing this?
Can you just say how unbelievably upside down and backwards this is, that we invade a foreign country, occupy it for 20 years, and then steal their natural resources explicitly in public?
Can you please say, because I can't say that.
That's what Rachel Maddow's doing.
She's trying to get him to say it.
Let's watch what he says.
Well, we can.
We've done it before.
There's no reason why we can't do it again.
Blue.
So you're telling, wow, there it is.
Rachel Maddow asked the question.
He says, yes, we've done it before.
We could do it again.
There's no reason why we shouldn't be doing it.
I'm going to play that for you one more time.
You know, we're well over year 15 in Afghanistan.
This is not something the president's planning to do as some sort of other project.
He wants to do this as part of the war.
I mean, under U.S. military ethics, can the U.S. government...
Military ethics.
What is military ethics?
That sounds like something if you try to uphold, you get tortured for it.
Yep.
Absolutely.
I like how she almost accidentally said war 15, too.
Like, she quickly corrected herself.
She almost said war 15 instead of year 15.
Oh, did she?
I was just like, I was like, we're almost halfway there to war 15.
War 15.
Yeah.
Okay, so here we go.
Here's the big question.
Go in with the protection of U.S. soldiers and extract the wealth of another country?
Well, we can.
We've done it before.
There's no reason why we can't do it again.
And you see Rachel go, yep.
Like she has to go, whoa, right?
Like, how about, whoa?
What examples do you want to give us?
This is compared to what time in history?
Nothing.
Give us the list of all the times that we went in and we released precious minerals or gold or oil.
So when I criticize Rachel Maddow, I don't just do it lightly.
I don't like, ah, she's not as good as she could be.
She didn't like Bernie as much as I wanted her to.
She's a fucking mouthpiece for the military-industrial complex, 100%.
And that's what this is.
There's no pushback.
Can the U.S. government go in with the protection of U.S. soldiers and extract the wealth of another country?
Well, we can.
We've done it before.
There's no reason why we can't do it again.
But the real question is, what difference does that make in terms of achieving war objectives?
If at the end of the day, what we really want to do is to have a central government in Kabul that can actually control Afghanistan.
The Taliban is not a factor anymore.
The people in Afghanistan can defend themselves.
The Afghan army is at top condition.
If that's what we're looking to do, then none of the things that he said are actually going to contribute to that, including even to the point of building a big wall, an impenetrable wall between Afghanistan on the one hand and Pakistan on the other.
The real problem is actually inside Pakistan, and it includes a corrupt government, no control over local areas, a poorly trained army, and so on.
None of the things that the president mentioned are going to change that very much, except a commitment to stay in Afghanistan for several decades.
So I don't know if you just heard what he said.
So he said a lot of stuff.
Rachel Maddow, by the way, pushes back zero.
Hey, is it under military ethics?
Is it okay to go in with our military and then steal their stuff?
Yes, it is.
We've done it before.
Do it again.
There's no reason why we can't.
Okay, I guess no follow-up on that.
And then he goes all the way to the end.
And at the end, he says, none of that will help meet our war objective.
The only thing that will help meet our war objective, I don't know if you heard what he said.
I'll play it for you again.
Very much.
Except a commitment to stay in Afghanistan for several decades.
The only thing that would help our war objective is a commitment to stay in Afghanistan for several decades.
This is the stuff they're putting on MSNBC.
They bring on experts to come on to tell everybody it's okay if we steal theirs, but we invade illegally and take their.
It doesn't matter.
If that's what we've done before, we'll do it again.
There's no reason why we couldn't.
Hey, by the way, China's coming.
We want to get our stuff before China.
He sounds like Trump.
And Rachel Maddow just lets him go, says not a goddamn thing to him.
And then he says the only thing that will help us reach our war objectives is if we stay there for a couple more decades.
This is their military expert that they're bringing on.
By the way, this guy teaches at the war college.
He's a big shot.
West Point.
Yeah.
So this guy, and he's a war hero.
The whole deal, this guy's the real deal guy.
And he is just, that's how the military thinks.
It's our, the world's our pie to slice up and take it by force, whatever we want.
And we should stay, we should just stay there as long as we need whatever.
And Rachel Maddow's going, that doesn't sound crazy to you that we should stay there for a couple more decades.
That doesn't sound so endless war.
Yes.
And that's what they want.
That's what her bosses want.
Believe me, if Rachel Maddow ever says one thing that costs Comcast a nickel, they will fire her.
And that's why she doesn't.
And that's why she lets guys from the Pentagon come on her TV show and say stuff like this.
She brings on a guy from the Pentagon, just like NBC News has always done.
They bring on a military guy who's pro-war as if he's giving you some insight.
And all he's giving you is war propaganda.
Of course, we go in and take their stuff.
We've done it before.
We'll do it again.
China's doing it.
And we've done it before.
What do you mean?
Ethical?
I mean, we've done it.
Okay, no further questions.
No further questions.
So I think that's gross.
I think it's that's This is why we go to war.
This is the kind of horrible news coverage that brings us to war.
And shame on MSNBC and Rachel Maddow, as always.
And you wonder why people get their news from YouTube.
Trump gave a speech about Afghanistan.
We're ramping up.
It sounded like every speech every president ever gave about Afghanistan.
Turns out, well, we only need about 4,000 or 5,000 more troops.
We're going to fix everything.
So this is great.
Remember what Donald Trump used to say?
This is what got him elected.
Stuff like this.
He said, when will we stop wasting our money on rebuilding Afghanistan?
We must rebuild our country first.
That's from October 2011.
Let's get out of Afghanistan.
Our troops are being killed by the Afghanis.
We train and we waste billions there.
Nonsense.
Rebuild the USA.
Bam.
That's from 2013.
Why are we continuing to train these Afghanis who then shoot our soldiers in the back?
Afghanistan is a complete waste.
Time to come home.
That's Donald Trump.
Do not allow our very stupid leaders to sign a deal that keeps us in Afghanistan through 2024 with all the cost by the USA.
That's from 2013.
We should leave Afghanistan immediately.
No more wasted lives.
If we have to go back in, we go in hard and quick.
Rebuild the U.S. first.
Here he is on Monday.
My original instinct was to pull out.
And historically, I like following my instincts.
But all my life, I've heard that decisions are much different when you sit behind the desk in the Oval Office.
America's enemies must never know our plans or believe they can wait us out.
I will not say when we are going to attack, but attack we will.
We will not talk about numbers of troops or our plans for further military activities.
We can no longer be silent about Pakistan's safe havens for terrorist organizations, the Taliban, and other groups that pose a threat to the region and beyond.
Pakistan has much to gain from partnering with our effort in Afghanistan.
The government of Afghanistan must.
So it's the same stuff.
He flipped 100%.
And guess who's upset about it?
Not the neoliberals.
No, the neoliberals think it's a great idea.
We need to put 4,000 more troops back in Afghanistan.
We need to extend this war and keep it going.
You know, who's upset?
His base.
This is from Breitbart.
Trump's America's first base unhappy with flip-flop Afghanistan speech.
You mean it's not presidential?
The Washington Post is calling him presidential because of that speech, whereas his base is not.
In fact, because he's an American first guy, right?
That's his whole thing was rebuild America first.
There it is.
That's the last line of that tweet.
And so now here's the right wing responding to him.
This is from that Breitbart article.
They put together some right-wingers' tweets.
Here's a guy named Todd Starnes, Afghanistan first.
And then he says, this is a fine speech, but President Trump campaigned on getting us out of Afghanistan.
Yes, he did.
Oh, look who this is.
Ann Coulter.
It doesn't matter who you vote for.
The military-industrial complex wins.
I wonder who I heard say that before.
I remember someone before the election trying to tell people why he was voting for Jill Stein by saying there's no way to vote against the military-industrial complex.
There's no way to vote against more war if you vote for the two major parties.
And guess who?
Ann Coulter agrees with me.
It doesn't matter who you vote for.
The military-industrial complex always wins.
Only difference, GOP presidents pronounce Pakistan correctly.
Wow.
What do you think of that?
What do you think of Ann Coulter saying that?
It just goes to show you that a stop clock is right twice a day.
Oh, for a moment there, I thought she started to watch the Jimmy Dore show.
I think she is.
That's probably where that comes from.
Doesn't matter who you vote for.
Here's Kyle, another right-winger that Breitbart got a tweet of.
This sounds like every speech by an American president in Afghanistan since 2001.
Exactly like it.
Well, it's less subtle.
I mean, there's that much.
But he's more blunt.
But tactically, he's saying that.
Oh, tactically, it's the same.
Yeah.
Oh, it's exactly the same.
He just has no subtlety.
Here's someone named Jesse Kelly.
I am not a neocon.
I am not an isolationalist.
It's time to leave Afghanistan.
Completely disappointed Trump is not pulling us out.
I am too.
I'm just as disappointed as Trump's base.
Isn't it awesome?
Say what you want about Trump's base.
They want us to get the F out of the Middle East.
I think that's fantastic.
There's a mixed bag of people who support Trump.
So there are, yeah, there's the people who were marching in Charlottesville, but I don't, but I think there's lots of people who are just anti-interventionist, like libertarian-leading conservatives.
Well, additionally, I think that most people are looking for a flipping job.
Where are the jobs programs?
It keeps going back to our war machine is the jobs program.
Yeah, I think a lot of people were very disenfranchised with the system, so they bought snake oil.
They've been screwed over by 30 years of neoliberalism.
They felt like nobody had their back, so they bought the idea of a faux Republican populace, which isn't really a thing, but they bought into that.
I mean, nobody else was offering them anything, so I get it.
You know, everybody knew Hillary Clinton was more war.
Trump was a wild card.
We didn't know.
He was saying, at least he was saying less war.
He was saying, let's get out.
So here's Justin Raimondo, Trump on Afghanistan.
Quote, my instinct was to withdraw, end quote.
And then the war party got to him.
From America first to America last.
Didn't take long.
It is sad.
And here's Robert Costa, who I've made fun of on this show because he seems to me like he's about 24 years old, but I'm sure he's at least 30-something.
He's just got a young-looking face.
And he often says the wrong things on TV.
And so that's what we do.
We make fun of him.
But he gets it right here.
So I want to give him props.
Robert Costa gets it right here.
He says, this is a speech wrapped in layers of non-interventionist rhetoric, sprinkled with queens and patent-type bravado, delivered gently.
This is a President Sands doctrine, torn between his militaristic id and his non-interventionalist instincts, tilting towards the former.
So that was very insightful by Robert Costa.
I agree with everything he said there.
And so they're getting to him.
He's becoming an interventionist.
Look at that.
He's just ramping up the war in Afghanistan, ramping up the war in Afghanistan.
What the F?
There is no 4,000 soldiers that's going to make a bit of goddamn difference to the outcome of what happens in Afghanistan.
But come on, Jimmy.
Afghanistan's government is completely stable.
Of course, we're going to be able to make those changes that we need to make with 4,000 troops.
So those 4,000 troops, it takes a million dollars to support one soldier one year in Afghanistan.
So 4,000 soldiers, 1,000 millions make a billion.
So that'd be $4 billion.
So that's $4 billion, those 4,000 troops to go over there.
That's why everybody's initial response to Trump was, how are we going to pay for it?
I mean, people are screaming that at the rafters.
I don't know if you remember, but Barack Obama and Artie Duncan's big educational push was race to the top.
And what they were using, they were going to inject cash into education, but you had to compete for it first.
You know how much money they were going to inject into education?
$4 billion.
That was their big education plan.
Trump just going to spend that money in Afghanistan.
Nobody even blinks.
Washington Post guy says he's fantastic presidential because of it.
Robert Costa, he gets it right, though.
President without a doctrine.
So there you go.
His base is revolting against him and for good cause.
It's a mixed bag of people who support him.
I certainly supported his non-interventionist rhetoric before, but now he's just like all, just like they said, he sounds like every other goddamn president speech on Afghanistan since 2001.
We're going to stand up.
Wow, we'll stand down when they stand up.
We have to make sure that we can, it's no safe haven for Tigris.
Well, you know what?
It's okay to fall for a snake oil salesman.
It happens to people.
People have done it.
But, you know, you also have to take a step back and be like, let's look at the system that allowed this snake oil salesman to happen in the first place.
Yeah, no one wants to do that, Ron.
That's a good idea.
I know.
No one wants to change their system.
No one wants to get rid of their money.
No one wants to get rid of their corporate cash.
Nobody wants to change the system.
Believe me.
Democrats would rather lose to a Republican than win with a progressive.
So again, the citizens are upset with their leaders.
Their leaders don't represent them.
Still.
Still.
Most people want to get out of Afghanistan.
We ain't getting out.
Isn't that something?
Wow.
But I'm sure Brian Williams will say this is a great idea.
And Trump is presidential.
Wait till he launches another missile.
Sexy.
Here's a great way to help support the Jimmy Doer show.
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Help fight back and support the show at the same time.
Jeff Sessions is on the line.
What?
Hello?
Well, aren't you precious with your little radio show and whatnot?
Mr. Sessions, how can I help you?
Well, bless your little heart.
How can I help?
He asks.
So how are you getting along with the President Trump lately?
Wow, Jim Dandy, Andy.
I think Donald Trump will get better as he goes along.
He's like a bottle of expensive wine.
You never want to open because you're afraid of what's in it.
But more important, why is Amy Schumer in the news again?
I think she's demanding higher pay from Netflix.
Here's my take on that.
Her skirt is so short, you can see Christmas.
Decent Americans don't need to get all flummoxed, looking cattywampus at a cattywomp and whatnot.
It ain't natural.
Follow me.
Is that why you called?
I like the way you cut through the chapel, son.
I called to tell you and you Yankee sons of bitches that I'm not the Jeff Sessions, my detractors, have tried to create.
I'm not insensitive to the blacks and their sword.
I'm sorry.
Can we stop for a second?
Are you eating something?
How so?
Well, you always sound like you're gnawing on something.
That's all.
I'm chewing on my cud, son.
Oh.
I'm able to do that because I have two stomachs.
It allows me to sound thoughtful while slowly drawing something terribly offensive.
It's a rhetorical technique that leaves certified slickers like you flummoxed.
Can you give me some examples of that technique?
Sure.
For instance, I'm all for the blacks voting, just as long as they don't break the law by voting.
Wow, you're right.
I'm fixated so much on your weird mouth noises that I didn't realize what you're saying until it's too late.
Yep, that's cut to and it's finest.
Ask me how I feel about the KKK.
Okay, how do you feel about the KKK?
I thought they were okay until I heard they smoked marijuana.
Wow, you're right.
The way you chew on the word smoke marijuana is so creepy.
That's mighty kindly of you.
Thanks.
As you will know, I'm all for the don't ask, don't tell marijuana laws.
We can smoke pot in the privacy of your plantation, but you can't get married at the due.
Jimmy, the war on drugs is an honorable war and a monument to the historical legacy of Jefferson Davis, my namesake.
What other Confederate leaders were you named after?
My full name is Jefferson Beauregard Bullshit Mushmouth Sessions.
General Bullshit Mushmouth was a Confederate mastermind behind the battle.
Where the hell are we?
We want to spend 34 hours trying to send the same command because nobody could figure out what he was saying.
The rest is history.
The rest is what?
History.
Look, I don't want people to get the wrong impression.
I'm not a racist.
I'm just a white man that dislikes colored people.
Apples and oranges.
And just because we need them to pick our apples and oranges, it don't mean they have a right to eat our fruit cups.
Now, if you'll kindly excuse me, I'm late for my afternoon whipping where I receive glorious punishment for my sins.
The South will rise again at four o'clock.
Cooper peas to you.
So we've told you about the problems with the Democratic National Committee.
They're having their worst fundraising year in a long time.
They've had their worst fundraising month since 2003 happened this year, stuff like that.
So why do you think that is?
I'm going to guess because the Democrats have zero message and nothing to offer people except we're not Trump.
And they're not going to try because they can't do things to help you because their donors don't want them to.
The reason why you don't have Medicare for all is because the donors don't want them to.
The reason why you don't have a public option is because the Democrats' donors don't want you to have one.
The reason why you don't have cheaper prescription drugs is because the Democrats' donors don't want you to have it.
The reason why we're not out of those wars is because the donors don't want us out of those wars.
The reason why we don't have $15 minimum wage because the Democrats' donors don't want you to have it.
Yeah, I don't know, Jimmy.
An alternative explanation.
I mean, I was listening to Nancy Pelosi.
I think what it is is people are so happy with the direction the Democrats are going, they just don't feel the need to give any money.
They're like, oh, you guys are doing such a cool direction.
Losing's neat.
So, I mean, we don't want nothing to change.
We don't want to give you any more money or any less.
Just let's keep it the way it is.
Let's keep it the way it is.
So this is from Political Magazine, the Democrats' Party Looming Fundraising Crisis.
So I'll read you a little bit from this article.
Over the first six months of 2017, the Republican National Committee pulled in $75 million, nearly twice as much money as the Democratic National Committee, which raised $38 million.
Wouldn't you think it would be the opposite, right?
Wouldn't you think it would be that the Republicans would be decimated?
What happened to their party?
I don't want to prop this party up anymore.
And the Democrats would be going gangbusters.
It's the exact opposite.
People don't want anything to do with the Democratic National Committee.
You know why?
Because you can't cheat half your fucking party and then ask them to give you money, which is what happens.
I get emails from Tom Perez and Don of Brazil.
They send me emails, literally.
I don't know what happened.
I donated somewhere to somebody and they got my email.
And every time the subject line just says values in all caps.
It's so annoying.
So more from this article, it says the predicament isn't simply that there is a funding gap between the parties.
It's what kind of money they attract.
Republicans have quietly taken a decisive edge over the Democrats when it comes to small dollar fundraising.
The Republicans have overtaken the Democrats.
The Democrats, the party of the worker, the party of the people, the party of the downtrodden and the poor and the middle class, is now lost their small dollar funding lead to the Republicans.
The Republicans now have more small dollar donors than the goddamn Democrats.
During the same six-month time span, the RNC raised $33 million in small contributions, money from people who donate $200 or less over an election cycle, while the same class of donors gave the DNC just $21 million.
Isn't this shocking?
Could the Democrats be in any worse shape?
So every sign in the world is banging them as hard as they can on their heads to change.
Donald Trump, could you have a bigger two by four to the head?
Donald Trump beat you.
Beat the woman that you've been grooming for president for 30 years, neoliberals.
And they ain't changing.
They're getting out fundraised by small donors.
They're losing in every way possible.
They're losing.
And they ain't changing.
They ain't changing a little bit.
As one of the people who led Senator Bernie Sanders' fundraising operations during the 2016 primaries, that's the author of this piece.
I watched Donald Trump's campaign take many of our ideas and duplicate them, employing language and tactics nearly identical to those we used on the Sanders campaign.
What we found to be most powerful wasn't just hiring the right people or using the right technology.
What mattered more was figuring out an empowering message of hope and reaching people with it.
The Democrats no longer do that.
They don't have an empowering message and they don't try to reach people with it.
Back to the article.
It says, in the Trump era, the Democratic Party has sputtered along with fundraising appeals focused on scare tactics, understandable, but counterproductive.
What they do is they send emails that just scare you.
Like they sent an email that said John Ossef lost before he lost that race.
That was like, huh, what?
And it's like, he will lose if you don't send us money.
Or if you do.
Or if you do, turns out.
Meanwhile, Trump, a billionaire who was already president, is still winning grassroots donors by offering his supporters an empowering message.
Only the Democrats could cede working class people to a billionaire carnival, Barker.
Only the Democrats.
But whereas donors who gave $200 or less comprise roughly 30% of the overall amount raised for Obama's campaigns.
So you get that?
So small donors made up 30% of Obama's campaign contributions.
Small donors provided the Trump campaign 53% of Trump's campaign money compared with just 21% of Hillary's.
So small donor money makes up more than half of Trump's campaign money.
It only made up 21% of Hillary's.
Isn't that upside down and backwards, but it's not because the Democrats are corporatists and there's no reason to vote for them.
If I wanted to vote for a corporatist, I just vote for a fucking Republican.
If I wanted to vote for more war, I just vote for a Republican.
If I wanted to vote to screw over everybody else, I would just vote for Republican.
You get more war.
You get bigger banks.
You get a right-wing health care plan.
You get more fracking.
You get cops brutalizing people at DAPL and the president going, we're going to let it play out.
Trump's success here is even more impressive than it might seem at first glance with the small dollar fundraising.
He didn't start actively fundraising from grassroots supporters until June of 2016, giving him just five months to establish a small dollar fundraising machine that went toe-to-toe with those of Obama, Clinton, and Sanders, which each took at least a year to build.
This is amazing.
So I'll tell you what this tells me.
This tells me exactly what we've been saying.
People are hurting.
Working people are hurting.
And the Democrats offer them nothing.
Nothing.
It's a simple principle, one that a Democratic candidates from Bernie to Elizabeth Warren to Obama understood, but which the institutional Democratic Party now seems incapable of grasping.
And what are they incapable of grasping?
What is it?
That people are motivated to act when they feel like part of something larger than themselves.
And when they understand that their participation in that larger something makes a real difference.
The Democratic Party's woes are basic symptoms of the failure to understand that immutable reality.
Most of the party's recent emails to supporters focus on simply opposing the GOP health care bill, using subject lines like, tell the GOP to back off and tell Senate Republicans to show us the bill.
Another significant portion of the party's emails are about Trump's Russia connections, breaking Donald Trump's juniors emails, reads one DNC fundraising email.
Another asks readers to demand answers about Trump's connections to Russia.
Answers from no one in particular.
There's nothing wrong with talking about issues in emails.
In fact, it can really motivate supporters.
But without a positive context, the overall picture one gets from the DNC emails is of a directionless, reflexive party that fails to ask Democratic supporters to do more than oppose Republicans, let alone work for a different vision for the future of the country.
So I get all these DNC emails.
I get all of them.
And it's exactly what he's describing.
He's saying that all their emails are scaring you.
Trump, Trump, Trump, we got to stop Trump.
But no vision.
Nothing asking you to do something except give them money.
Not asking you to be part of something to build something, but just trying to scare you.
Got to stop Trump, Trump, Trump.
Demand answers, Trump.
It's crazy.
But while this strategy raises money in the short term, a party can't build a future by telling supporters hour after hour that the sky is falling.
It's bad for the candidates, bad for the party, and most vitally, bad for the voters whose support they need to build up.
Yeah, you can only cry wolf so long.
If the party can honestly and authentically change its message and actions, Democratic activists would embrace it with incredible enthusiasm.
Grassroots donors would jump to help tilt the balance of financial power and to shape the party's vision for future elections.
Without such a change, the Democratic Party is going to keep losing to Donald Trump and the Republicans in the money race, big and small.
So basically what he's saying is Democrats have no message.
They have no purpose.
They're rudderless.
All they know how to do is scare you and say we're not Trump.
And guess what?
They have the worst fundraising ever.
And they've now ceded small dollar donations lead to the Republicans.
That is unbelievable.
That's how morally bankrupt this party is.
And it's hard for me when I meet people who are ideologically on the same page as me, meaning they're progressives, but they still think Trump is the problem.
And if Hillary just would have been president, they would— Now he's winning the small money donations.
Think about that.
That's how bankrupt the Democratic Party is.
That's how unbelievably empty they are.
That's how they offer people nothing.
Their leaders are the people who get the most money from Wall Street.
Chuck Schumer, that's the Democratic leader.
Why?
Because he's not a leader, but because he gets the most money from Wall Street.
Wall Street, their agenda Is diametrically opposed to workers, which is supposed to be the Democrats' base.
And you wonder why the Democrats are losing the small money.
I'll throw it over to you.
Well, I just like, I mean, I'm with you because whenever you have two parties that have the same owners, a demagogue will inevitably happen every so often.
Like, like, it's like, I mean, and there was that Howard Dean clip we have where he's like, well, this is how people are always going to have to be.
You just have to go along with the corporate disasters, okay?
You're basically saying we're going to have a formula where every four to eight years, you're going to get a demagogue, and it'll probably be progressively worse because the bar has been set at Trump now.
If Trump wouldn't have happened in November, Trump would have happened in 2020.
And it does Trump asking.
Additionally, you know, you keep seeing this horrific Democrat leadership, and all they keep saying is, I'm going to give you the same.
I'm going to keep giving you what we've given you.
They don't even seem to want to acknowledge the fact that everybody's leaving the Democratic Party.
Yeah, when people listen to Bernie Sanders, they do feel like they're part of something.
And people that support Trump, they do feel like they're part of something.
When people listen to the Democrats, they just are just looking at a group of people that they're not part of that most people will look at and say, I don't think these people could lead their way out of a paper bag.
They literally sent out another.
I just remembered I saw people tweeting out today.
The DNC sent out a fundraising email, and it was chastising Trump for not building the wall.
He promised he would build that wall.
What?
Literally, that's the email they're sending out.
So does it sound at all, Jimmy, like we have two parties?
No, Steph, we don't.
We have one money party, and that's it.
And Trump is being co-opted by that one money party.
We thought he was the anti-establishment guy, or we were fingers crossed hoping, and he's not.
And it's not like Michael Moore didn't come out and start saying kicking and screaming.
Go speak to the working class people, Democrats.
Why are you ignoring them?
You're going to lose a lot of votes.
They did, and they're digging their heels in.
They're not giving us anything better.
I totally just junk all those DNC emails.
I know me.
Every time they come up, I'm like, oh, really, Tom Perez, you got something for me today?
Go.
No kidding.
It's more we're not where Trump is bad.
So there you go.
DNC, there's your advice.
Have a message that inspires people.
They're never going to have a message that inspires people.
We're for better jobs.
We're for good things and they're for bad things.
Are you for single payer?
Yeah, we can talk about it.
Democrats are dead.
Dead.
They need a bunch of progressives to primary those people.
So what do you think if Joe Manchin actually loses his primary and a couple other corporate Democrats, if they can knock off Nancy Pelosi, it will turn around the Democratic Party.
I think that will, that will.
They got to knock off someone big.
They got to knock off somebody.
They got to knock off someone big.
Like that.
I mean, because that's kind of like looking at the other side.
That's how the Tea Party did it.
Yeah.
They knocked off a few bigger names, and then it was like, oh, these people need to be taken seriously.
But progressive organizations and Justice Democrats, they don't have coke money behind them like the Tea Party did.
That's the big difference.
That is the big difference.
Well, I'll tell you, I mean, I don't know.
The Democratic Party seems to be incapable of change.
I think it's a dead party.
That's why I'm pushing draft Bernie.
I'm going to be there in D.C. on the 8th, 9th, and 10th.
I don't think the Democratic Party is going to just fold up and go away.
You know, you live in a reality where they're going to be there.
So I hope we can make it more lefty than it currently is.
And I hope Bernie Rudd is an independent.
These are my hopes.
Who knows?
Because the corporations have a stranglehold on not only our media and our politicians, but our entire culture.
And that's just the way it is.
They're not letting go.
And there is no Teddy Roosevelt coming around.
Hello?
Yes?
Yes, what is it?
Hello?
What is this?
Speak up and be quick and to the point, please.
I'm a busy man.
Are you Bernie Sanders?
No, I'm just a guy who looks and sounds exactly like him, blah, blah, blah.
And you can thank Mad Magazine's snappy answers to stupid questions for that singer.
So you're not Bernie?
No, this is not.
I'm just an ordinary first-time caller with an important question for Jimmy Dore, expert on pop culture.
Are you indeed not him?
I am him.
You are he.
And him.
Fair enough.
Here is my question, if I may, and I will.
Hypothetically speaking, if I were Bernie Sanders, am I supposed to put a rose, a donut, or a corncob after my goddamn name?
I really don't know.
I think a rose, but I'm not sure.
Is this Bernie Sanders?
A rose?
What the hell?
Now I gotta put emojis after my name to talk about income inequality and the shrinking middle class.
Is the rose supposed to go after the stupid blue check or before?
I really don't know how it works.
I see you have a blue check after your name.
Does that make you feel powerful?
Like you're some kind of god or something?
I have to have one because otherwise young hooligans might try to cyberpunk me.
My question is, and I want you to think about this for a moment.
Why can't all Americans have a blue check after their name instead of just the top 1%?
Have you asked yourself that?
I welcome your hatred.
So this really is Bernie Sanders, right?
Yes, I am the agent of chaos.
I confess it.
I'm a paid Kremlin agent.
For 40 plus years, I've been masquerading as a public servant, while in reality, I've been getting filthy rich, spying for Russia, sending all our secrets to Russia.
And after 40 plus years, I have amassed such a grand fortune that now I can afford a sweet $500,000 mansion in Vermont.
Isn't that pretty much the below average price for a home in the United States?
I also own a fridge and a microwave, so I'm really reckoning the spy rubles, Jimmy.
I don't believe any of this, Bernie.
You're just getting frazzled by all these sleazy allegations.
Yeah, well, sometimes I wish it were true.
Just once, I'd like to watch Rachel Maddow actually connect a dot and make it mean something.
I've been blamed for every American tragedy this side of Joy Reed's MSNBC program.
I think she's a Russian agent.
You know why?
I feel it in my heart.
My heart told me this.
And I am proud that Henry Kissinger is not my friend.
I'm not always a smiley kind of guy.
Meanwhile, fat cats like you sit back in your lounge chairs and reap huge profits.
I welcome your hatred.
Can the Democratic Party make a comeback next year?
As you know, Jimmy, the party is doomed if it can't appeal to the youth of this nation.
That's why I'm marketing a Billy Bass machine in the likeness of myself called Rappin' Bernie.
Want to hear it?
Sure.
I'm rapping Bernie Sanders, and I'm here to say we need single payer in a cost-effective way.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and so forth.
Watch me work, y'all.
And then I, you know, follow that with a little foxtrot.
The arms flap around in a gesticulating and forceful manner, just like the real thing.
What do you think?
Only $26 a piece.
No fat cats needed.
I don't think that's going to appeal much to the youth, Bernie.
Really?
Perhaps that is because you're controlled by Wall Street and dominated by big money.
In conclusion, I piss on your donut, and I welcome your hatred.
And he's a political analyst for MSNBC and NBC News.
Do you remember how Trump is the biggest goofball in the world?
Everybody says he's the clown.
He's a this, he's a that.
He's unfit for the office.
And then he bombs somebody.
He bombed Syria, and everybody was like, oh, he's president now.
I don't know if you saw everybody, all the Charlottesville stuff when he said on both sides, there were some really nice people on the Nazi white supremacist side.
Remember, he said that?
So now Monday, he says he comes out and literally reads a speech at about a fourth grade level.
He literally reads a speech into a camera.
And now, Mr. White House Bureau Chief for the Washington Post says, tonight is a new President Trump.
Oh, my God.
Acknowledging a flip-flop and talking about gravity of office, history, and substance.
Yeah, Trump, go be president.
He read a fucking speech.
What the F?
He's also acknowledging one of the shittiest parts of the presidency, too.
He's like, yeah, you know, I didn't want to be an interventionist, but then I got behind that seat.
And I don't know what it's like to have an anti-war president, but maybe someday you guys will know.
It ain't going to be me, though.
But it's just weird that this guy all of a sudden, oh, look at him being presidential, talking about the gravity of the office, history, and substance.
Where to go, Trump.
So we said this before.
It'll be, it'll, after he said that stuff about Charlottesville and the press was going nuts, I think we did a joke at the live show, and it was something like, I wonder how many days it'll be before the press starts normalizing him again.
Wasn't that the punch on it?
Was something like that?
Yeah.
Well, yeah, we've also said something to the effect of like, you know, whenever he's bombing someone or ramping up war, that's the only time they call him presidential.
Here he is.
Oh, yeah, annihilation.
Complete presidential.
Yeah, war.
Whenever you go along with the military-industrial complex, you are now presidential, Steph.
So that's what that's Philip Rucker.
And now you know that's their chief guy at the White House from the Washington Post.
I could have predicted this, how stupid this is.
It's just unbelievable.
That just, they can't wait to normalize.
They can't.
And it's anything he does, bomb someone, ramp up a war, start another one.
Oh, he's such a president.
See, so do you see now why you need to really be skeptical when you read the paper of note, The Washington Post, which is owned by Jeff Bezos, the richest guy in the world, or one of the richest guys in the world, who also has a $600 million deal with the CIA and sits on a board at the Pentagon.
Isn't that weird that that guy works for him?
There is no connection.
Believe me, there is no connection.
Billionaires are famous for not wanting to influence the companies they own.
They're not maniacal.
They don't have their finger in everything they're doing.
Not at all.
The Washington Post is completely independent from Jeff Bezos, his CIA deal, and his Pentagon board ship.
And the fact that they've always liked every war, they just liked him all.
They just thought that this sounds good.
They liked Libya.
They liked Iraq.
They love Syria.
Can't get enough of it.
And they want us to bomb.
I'm sure they want us to go to war with Russia.
And here he is.
Yes, Trump, more of that.
More war in Afghanistan.
More, say we're going to be there for a decade more.
Say it.
Then you'll be really presidential.
So way to go, Philip Rucker.
I appreciate you tweeting it out.
And by the way, 1,266 likes.
That's a lot of likes for something that's stupid.
Here I am, a Jagoff YouTube nightclub comedian, and I can see how fucking dumb this guy is being right now.
Isn't that weird?
This guy's obviously better educated than me.
He's obviously more well-read.
I don't even know if that's how you say it, more well-read.
That's how dumb I am.
But it doesn't take any, it doesn't take intelligence to see through this bullshit.
It's stomach churning.
And they won't stop doing it.
He won't stop doing that.
As long as Trump's going to keep pushing war and keep bombing people, he'll keep doing that.
And they'll be on board for the next war and the next war and the more bombings and the more bombings.
That's who Philip Rucker and the Washington Post are.
When have they ever been against a war or a military intervention?
No, man.
The Washington Post is to war the way I am to clash albums.
They just, they've liked them all.
Every single one.
They're like, I'm on board.
Hello.
Hey, Jimmy.
Three guesses who this is.
I got to guess it's Barack Obama.
Now, son, you're not following the rules.
I said three guesses.
You only guessed once.
I need two more before I can improve your answer.
I already guessed right the first time.
Why should I have to go through two needless steps just to acknowledge the obvious?
Oh, I forgot.
You're one of those single-payer freaks.
Boohoo, efficiency.
Cut out the middleman.
Fairy dust, unicorns, wing of serpents, free college, universal healthcare.
Well, why not?
Because what happens when all those middlemen you hate so much out there are out on the streets looking for jobs?
You think needless middleman jobs grow on trees?
No, it takes years of lobbying Congress.
Where's your goddamn respect?
The middleman is our historical monument to get ripped off.
Have some respect.
So why'd you call Brock?
Do you miss me yet?
Do I miss you for what?
Haven't you noticed?
Donald Trump is a goddamn nut.
I mean, threatening North Korea with that fire and fury routine.
What a nut.
How is that different from what you said about North Korea just last year?
You mean when I said America could destroy North Korea?
Well, that was a well-reasoned response to a perceived threat.
I don't really get the difference between what you said and what Trump said.
Mine more nuanced, and I delivered it in a calm and moderate tone of voice.
And Trump is an asshole with weird hair.
But you're both basically saying the same thing that America will destroy North Korea if it chooses to.
Yes, but the secret is patience.
Hey, you know, there's more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
We have time, but we got to get it to you in the premium.
That's how you support the show.
We have the most affordable premium program in the business.
$5 a month for our audio premium, $10 a month for our video premium.
It's a fantastic way to help support the show, especially now when Google and YouTube are demonetizing shows like ours, which has happened.
So thank you so much for stepping up and supporting the show.
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Okay, today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Ron Placone, Steph Zamorano, and Jim Earl.
All the voices today perform by the one and the only the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Today's show produced by Brian Gradillo.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Dorsey.
And you be the best you can be.
I'll keep being me.
Don't bring out the motherfucking shit.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
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