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July 1, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:03:17
20170701_PODCAST0630FINAL1
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello.
Hey, Jimmy.
Mitt Romney here, the romster.
The romna longa dingdong.
Mitt Rom.
Say, Jimmy, do you know what Mitt is short for?
No, I don't.
A lot of people think mitt is short for mittens, but it's not.
It's not.
Mitt is short for mitts.
Mitt.
Mean mitt with three T's?
Oh, no, kidding.
No, you see, back in the old days, they used to spell Mitt with three Ts to ward off Satan.
With one T. But at the time...
Satan with one T. But as time went on, people discovered that like much of life, this too was pointless.
So in a special congregational gathering, they all voted to eliminate the third T from all mitts.
Shortly afterwards, they were run out of town by Methodists who put the third T back in again.
No.
Part of my personal journey of struggle and triumph, Jimmy.
Wow.
You know, back when I enacted near-universal health coverage, raised taxes and closed corporate tax loopholes in Massachusetts, a lot of people didn't expect me to become the sniveling sleaze bag I am now, groveling for work in the Trump administration.
And I owe it all to Bain Capital.
But that's all part of my journey too, Jimmy.
Do you ever miss Bain Capital?
Bain is with me always, in fact.
Every second Tuesday morning, following my bi-weekly shift, I kneel at the statue of Bain Capital, my goat-headed $20 bill with the wings of an angel accompanied by two children smiling on it.
I'm lobbying the Utah State Senate to build one at the state capitol.
But that's a violation of church and state.
What's church and state?
Hey, did you hear about the guy who ran his car over a Ten Commandments monument at the Arkansas State Capitol?
Yes.
And that's a perfect example of violation of church.
In this case, strict enforcement of this country's church laws are called for.
So what do you think should be his punishment?
Good question, Jimmy.
The Bible says an eye for an eye.
So I think someone should run a car over his monument of the Constitution.
But what if he doesn't have a monument of the Constitution?
Good question, Jimmy.
Where I come from, he'd be forced to marry a tenth wife.
That's the way we pop around here, Jimmy.
Always with the jokes.
The Osmonds were funny, remember?
But seriously, no, I'm not joking.
We cut off his hand.
Wow.
That's pretty.
That's pretty harsh.
And then forced him to marry a tenth wife.
Punchline.
Tag and kicker.
Tag is also my son, but spelled differently.
And then tag, you know, like on a pillow or something.
Did you know that?
Come on, pull yourself together for Christ's sake.
Zap.
So do you believe in...
So do you...
So do you believe in government supporting one religion over others?
Ha ha, that's a nice gotcha question, Jimmy.
But I'm just going to go answer by saying yes.
But only if it's your religion.
Remember, six years ago when I opened my campaign for president and our country had a Mormon moment.
What's a Mormon moment?
That's a point when all of America collectively grows up, re-examines its prejudices, learns more about another person's faith, and realizes it's completely batshit crazy.
Time's up, Jimmy.
Joe Biden's coming over for a little lemonade and pin the tail on the donkey.
Hey, remember, when I lost gracefully in 2012, tell Hillary about that concept.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-lovered lapdies.
The kind of people that are...
Tell Benz, maybe, on Tearing Down Our Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say...
It's on the top of your feet.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
Got a great show coming up for you.
You know, I was thinking, I've been in Afghanistan 16 years, going on 17.
And you know, if the ancient Greeks had invaded Afghanistan 16 years ago, at least by now we'd have gotten a nice poem out of it.
That's all.
That's my thought for the day.
Hey, I have one more thought for the day.
California Democrats could have just passed single payer, but cave the case, the lobbyists, and crickets.
But, oh my God, there's a E-tape about Putin and Trump.
Outrage, protest, kids war.
All right, you know where I'm coming from.
What's coming up on today's show?
Well, we're going to kick it off.
This week, CNN became the most trusted news source of a retracted story about Russia.
That's coming up.
Cameras ordered at the White House, press briefings, and the White House press crew stands up and turns off their cameras.
Chuck Schuber admits Bernie was right.
And that we, well, that's where we'll keep it.
Also, we got calls today from Mitt Romney, Liam Neeson, and I think there's one more phone call, but it's got to be surprised to love it.
All right, that's coming up today.
Plus, we got a lot a lot more.
That's coming up today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Jimmy Dore Show.
I'm here with the Miserable Liberal and Ron Placone.
Hello.
Howdy, howdy.
So we all know how bad the Democrats are right now.
I mean, they're in a horrible position.
They're wiped out at the state level, meaning that they've lost two-thirds of the state legislatures.
They lost two-thirds of the governorships.
They've lost the House.
They've lost the Senate.
They've lost the presidency.
And a lot of people say it's because their message is a little lacking.
Like, here's Hillary Clinton's message from last year.
This is what she thought would get you to vote for her.
You ready?
This is from last year, March, March 30th, almost April.
She says, some folks may have the luxury to hold out for the perfect, but a lot of Americans are hurting right now, and they can't wait for that.
So she's basically saying, I know I suck.
I'm a little imperfect.
Nobody likes me.
Nobody wants to vote for me, but you have to.
That's what that is, but you have to.
That's what that is.
I know we've been giving you a shit sandwich every four years.
Even Barack Obama thought he was going to be a lot better than he was.
Turns out he bailed out the banks, expanded the wars, practiced austerity, gave tax cuts to the wealthy, and made the banks bigger.
Turns out he was the opposite of what we needed.
Here's her message.
Her message is: I'm horrible.
Where else are you going to go?
And what was their strategy?
What was their strategy to get blue-collar voters?
Right?
That's not like, hey, I'm going to get you.
We're going to turn this economy around.
We're going to make it work for regular people.
We're going to make affordable college.
We're going to end these wars.
We're going to get the economy working for regular people.
We're going to end this income disparity.
We're going to get everybody healthcare.
It's like, hey, I suck, but what else are you going to do?
It's like a bad, significant other trying to delay divorce.
Well, I don't, you're not going to do any better than me.
That's exactly.
You're not going to do any better.
Wait till you see what it's like out there.
Wait till you see what it's like out there.
There's nothing but Martin O'Malley's, fucking Chuck Schumer's.
So, by the way, so that was their message.
This was their theory.
This was their plan.
This was their strategy.
Remember, their plan was nothing.
Their plan was, yeah, we suck, but where else are you going to go?
That was their message.
This was their strategy, their plan.
Remember their plan?
For every blue-collar Democrat we will lose in Western PA, we will pick up two, three moderate Republicans in the suburbs of Philadelphia.
And you can repeat that in Ohio and Illinois and Wisconsin.
I'm noticing a trend here.
Well, you know what they say?
One out of four ain't bad.
No, one out of four.
You've heard that, right?
That's the thing they say.
I think so.
I think that gets you in the Hall of Fame.
So how did that strategy work out?
Let's just say, like, if we were going to look, where did Trump increase the vote in America?
So with that strategy, where did Trump increase the vote in America?
Ooh.
Everywhere.
So it was a bad strategy.
What's the change in Democrats since 2008?
Ah, look at that, ski.
Look, we had it way up there, and then Barack Obama.
That was the peak when Barack Obama became president.
That was the peak.
People were like, yeah, I want to be a Democrat because Barack Obama is a progressive and he's going to give the country back to the people.
Oh, he kind of didn't do it.
Oh, he kind of didn't do it.
Man, he really didn't do it.
And then, bam, just falls off a cliff.
And then after they lost in 2016, still, nope, they had no message and bad strategy.
How are they going to change?
The Democratic Party is in a moment of questioning about its identity.
You were re-elected to lead the Democrats in the House.
What do you tell Democrats who want a new direction?
And then go to you.
What are you going to do differently?
Well, I don't think that people want a new direction.
Now, I know you've seen this stuff before.
By the way, how do you plan on winning by putting by what unites you?
Values unify us.
Okay, that was it.
Values unify that.
So guess what?
They had their two worst fundraising months since the beginning of the Iraq war, the Democratic National Committee.
The Democrats are hurting.
They lost four straight, four special elections since Trump won.
Four.
They're still losing.
So Russia, Russia, Russia, Trump's bad, bad.
Turns out that doesn't win elections.
In fact, that loses elections.
In fact, the Democrats are lower in approval ratings than the Republicans.
Here's Chuck Schumer.
Here's Chucky Leshum.
By the way, Chucky Leshum.
I don't want to say anything, but he did get rid of the old man glasses.
So maybe he's watching our show, Ron.
Yeah.
Maybe it does.
Yeah, maybe he saw that.
He was this doesn't stir voters.
This doesn't get voters to come to the polls.
Hey, ladies.
Meaning, look like the guy who just denied their last.
No, you don't have enough credit hours to graduate.
That's what I worked with.
That doesn't get people to the polls.
Right away, you're going to notice he did this to the creepy glasses.
So I'm guessing he's watching some of our videos.
But here, here we go.
He's talking with George Snuff Filipagus, and he's going to ask him what we've just been talking about.
Democrats lost another special election this week in Georgia, Georgia 6.
That's four in a row.
Hey, Democrats collect the whole set.
They got four in a row.
Boom.
We got the whole set.
Okay, here we go.
Led to a lot of second-guessing by prominent Democrats, including Tim Ryan, Congressman Tim Ryan, who said, our brand, want to show it right there.
Our brand is worse than Trump.
How?
Wow.
Wow.
So Tim Ryan's telling the truth so much, he better get ready for a random redistricting.
Am I right?
Hey, Dennis Kucinic.
It wouldn't be the first time that happened to an Ohio progressive.
That's exactly what happened to an Ohio progressive.
So, and by the way, they lost the state houses, state governorships, the House of Reps, the Senate, the presidency, four straight special elections.
At this rate, I think the only thing the Democrats could win is maybe at a game of UNO.
Let's get back to Chucky.
Okay, here's the number one lesson from Georgia 6.
Democrats need a strong, bold, sharp-edged, and common-sense economic agenda.
You know, the kind of thing that Bernie Sanders has been fucking screaming at the top of his lungs for over a year and a half.
You know, the things that all the progressives have been saying.
You know, all the people that we've been shitting on nonstop and dismissing.
The people I said to turn our backs on and go focus on Republican voters in the suburbs.
Remember that?
Yeah, all those people.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm the leader, and I've been wrong.
I've been unbelievably wrong.
And now we're going to start listening to, I don't know, progressives.
Is that what it sounds like?
Let's see.
Policy platform message that appealed to the middle class, that resonate with the middle class, and show that, and unite Democrats.
So when he says middle class, I wonder who he's talking about.
Are you talking about truck drivers?
Are you talking about truck drivers, firemen, teachers, waitresses?
Those kind of middle class people?
Or are you talking about white-collar suburban voters?
Is that the middle?
I think that's the middle class he's talking about.
I don't think he's talking about Bernie Sanders voters.
And I could be wrong about this, but it sounds like more bullshit.
Yeah, it does, right?
It sounds like he's only speaking to the people that are awake and watching this show.
You know, because everybody else is working, trying to provide for their family.
They don't have the luxury to watch him pretend that he's going to fight for some sort of justice for us.
Well, if he is only speaking to the people that are paying attention and watching, then there's probably tons of people screaming at the TV right now.
We told you so.
Yes, exactly right, Ron.
And I'm one of those people.
I think everyone in this room is.
That's what I've been working on for months.
Months.
No kidding.
Ah!
A couple months ago, it just dawned on me.
Not a flashback to November 9th, and I was like, oh, shit.
You know what?
I haven't laughed that hard since I watched Tim Blackett interviewed by a failed comedian.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Whew!
Ha ha ha!
*laughs*
Oh, boy.
He's been working on this for months.
You just can't tell because he's been keeping it to himself.
He's been keeping it to himself, talking mostly about Russia and Trump.
What's that economic plan?
I would love to hear what that platform is.
And I've been talking to Democrats, House and Senate, all across the country.
I've been talking to Trump voters.
I was at a Yankee game Saturday night, and I sat next to someone, you know, just because that's how the seats were.
We sit in the grandstand.
This guy is so desperate to appear like a regular person.
He wants to explain.
He wants you to know that he understands how seating at baseball games work.
Like, it's just the way it is.
A regular person gets to sit right next to someone like me.
Can't stop it.
I said, hey, do you know I know Lloyd Blake fine personally?
They're like, sorry, that's not how it works.
It's a baseball game.
I'm like, I have to sit next to like a fucking truck driver.
Let's see.
I'm proud to be a deplorable voter, a truck driver.
Oh, that is who he was had to sit next to.
Huh?
He can say that he's sitting by deplorables.
He's owning it now.
Yeah.
As if they meant to use that term, as if that term was useful for the Democrats.
Yeah, he's a Yankees game, an underground team.
might have heard of them.
Trump voters, I was at a Yankee game Saturday night and I sat next to someone, you know, just because that's how the seats were.
We sit in the grandstand.
You know, believe me, I don't know what happened.
I was supposed to be in a skybox.
Obviously, the tickets got mixed up and I had to sit next to a regular fucking person.
Holy shit.
And that's where I got this idea that maybe we should have an economic agenda.
You know what?
I got to tell you, Georgie Snuffleoff.
If you don't sit in the skybox at a Yankees game, sometimes you get good ideas because you bump into what they call the, you know, people.
Regular, just regular people.
Like, he doesn't have a fall 1K or anything.
He's just a jerk.
Turns out $15 an hour would make a bigger difference in their life than $12.
And that's something.
Imagine.
Because you got to sit right next to these motherfuckers.
You have to sit right next to them and they get to talk in my ear.
All right, let's keep going.
I'm proud to be a deplorable voter, a truck driver.
This economic message platform is going to resonate.
It's what we were missing.
And it's not going to be baby steps.
It's going to be bold.
Oh.
So wait a minute.
Hang out with it this summer.
Oh, so it's going to be bold, not baby steps.
And they're coming out with it this summer.
He's admitting right now, Ron, he is admitting that they haven't had an economic agenda.
They haven't left it out.
They were like, ah, so what does a major political party need?
Let's see.
A scapegoat?
Someone to blame?
Some beanies?
Some scarves.
I think we're good.
Some pink scarves?
Get a pig scarf for Corey Booker.
I think we got it.
I think we got it.
I can't think of it.
Has anyone got...
Okay.
Right?
We're done.
What does a political party need?
You need scapegoats.
You need fundraisers.
You need smear merchants.
And that's Russia.
Oh, maybe we could get an bold economic agenda to help people.
Oh, my God.
We were forgetting that.
Ah, snap.
Why didn't WikiLeaks fucking tell us that?
I thought we were set.
We just got Bernie's email list.
Thought we were good.
We got it all.
He literally just admitted that they haven't had a plan, a bold agenda, nothing.
Even though Bernie's been screaming about it while packing fucking stadiums, and they had to cheat him out of the domination to get it.
We thought people just loved his folk album.
We didn't know.
We didn't know he had a plan.
Within a month, you will see it, and Democrats will try to pass it legislatively for a year and campaign on it in 2018.
It's what we were missing in 2016 and in the past.
We know that.
When you lose an election, you don't blame other people.
We're missing in 2016 and in the past.
We know that.
When you lose an election, you don't blame other people.
You blame yourself.
Jimmy, are you okay?
Jim?
I'm sorry, I fell off my chair.
I'm sorry.
That one actually made me fall off my chair.
That one actually made me fall off my chair.
Hang on, I got to play that again.
16 and in the past.
We know that.
When you lose an election, you don't blame other people.
You blame yourself.
Could you tell the rest of your party that, plus everyone at MSNBC and the New York Times and the Washington Post?
Could you tell everyone else that?
Because they've been gaslighting the rest of the country at the top of their lungs since the fucking election.
It's Jill Stein's fault.
It's Bernie Bro's fault.
It's millennials' fault.
The goddamn millennials' fault.
Don't get me started.
It's racists' fault.
It's misogynists' fault.
It's hatred's fault.
It's the Russia's fault.
It's Russia.
It's Russia's fault That they lost.
Now, now I don't know if you heard Glass's list Jagoff say that it's nobody else's fault.
I was sure it was my fault.
There's people on Twitter today still telling me it's my fault.
Isn't that weird?
So, that whole, so what this is Chuck Schumer saying is: look, we tried to distract.
We thought it was working.
In fact, it did work.
We did distract everybody.
The mainstream media went along with it.
Everybody's talking about, look what fucking jackass we turned Keith Oberman into.
The guy's a raving fucking maniac now.
He's literally foaming at the mouth on a daily basis over nothing.
That's what we did.
We did that.
That's me, Chuck Schumer.
We did that.
Turns out we were really successful at that.
Turns out that doesn't win elections.
That still doesn't win elections.
So we just got lost four straight fucking house races, four special elections.
We're supposed to win them all because of Trump and how unpopular he is.
Guess who's more unpopular?
Us.
Just like Tim Ryan said.
So it turns out all that shit you've been doing, all that obfuscating, all that glass, all that gaslighting of your own constituents, Chuck, turns out that doesn't win elections because that's what this is.
This is him finally admitting, we I've been showing you now they're finally coming around.
You know what?
I have a theory too, Jimmy.
I think that Chuck Schumer puts his glasses back on when he works on that economic thing.
I think he puts the glasses on, gets some herbal tea, you know, plays a little jazz music, pulls up a word document, and just goes to town.
He's like, God, what are people into?
What did that truck driver tell me?
What are people into?
Chucky to Chuck Chuck Schumer.
You sure it wasn't feminine?
Like, there's WikiLeaks.
You don't want to blame WikiLeaks.
You don't want to blame Russia.
You don't want to blame millennials.
You don't want to blame progressives.
You don't want to blame purists.
That's stunning.
That's stunning.
Here we go.
Ryan, we need to do it.
Say it may be necessary, but not sufficient.
Also, they say Nancy Pelosi has to go.
Yeah, look, you always blame, they always blame the leader.
You know, as a why do they blame the leaders?
Everyone knows it's the intern's fault.
And if not the intern, it's the custodian.
Everyone knows that's who's really running the Democratic Party.
Why do they keep blaming the leaders?
Come on, be a true leader and fucking pass the buck.
That's what you're supposed to do, right?
I mean, I'm Chuck Schumer.
I'm here to tell you it's not the leadership's fault.
People always blame the leaders.
And we always know it's either the secretaries, the interns, or the custodians.
Everyone knows that.
If that's not them, it's the fucking voters.
It's certainly not the leadership.
Why would you blame the leaders?
Kind of an asshole blames leaders.
They always blame the leaders, by the way.
Yeah, who the fuck are you supposed to blame, Chuck?
The poor.
Right?
I mean, aren't we supposed to blame the poor, the disenfranchised?
I say we blame the people who are in jail.
That's who we should blame.
I say, if you have a leader who's grossly unpopular, I say blame everybody else.
She's been blaming everybody else.
They've been blaming everyone.
She even blamed the DNC last week.
She said their data was non-existent.
They were bankrupt.
That's what Hillary Clinton said.
Oh, you know what?
We forgot to blame the nurses.
Oh, I should have blamed the nurse.
I love the nurses.
That's yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
Okay, here's back to his great economic plan that's coming out.
They don't have it yet.
It's still coming up.
He's been working on this for months.
Hey, Chuck, I can fix your fucking economic platform in five seconds.
Ready?
Single payer, end the wars, invest the money back here, free college, livable minimum wage.
Green deal.
Green New Deal.
Boom.
See, I can do it in three words to make it even easier for him.
See Bernie Sanders.
That's it.
That's it.
All he's got to do.
No, but we got to work on this.
I think if we come up with this strong, bold economic package, it will change things around.
That's what we were missing.
People don't like Trump.
He's at 40%.
But they say, what the heck do the Democrats stand for?
Ryan has a point here.
We better stand for something, and it can't be baby steps.
People, Democrats, are going to be pleased.
I'm talking to Bernie Sanders.
I'm talking to Joe Manchin.
This is going to be really something that Democrats can be proud of.
Yeah, especially since he's getting advice from Bernie Sanders and Joe Manchin.
I asked Bernie Sanders something, and then I asked Joe Manchin, and he tells me the opposite.
Then I asked FDR, and I asked Grover Norquist.
Then I asked Newt Kingrich and then I asked Jesse Jackson.
What the fuck?
I asked Bernie Sanders.
He tells me to do this.
And then Joe Manchin tells me to do the opposite.
I'm listening to everybody.
I feel like it's a mystery.
Like, again, like, it's still a mystery what the fucking problem is.
It's still, it's an economy.
Now, at least he knows it's an economic problem, but he's just not sure what it is.
It's economic.
I had to go to a, I had to sit next to a fucking regular commoner at a Yankees game.
Turns out economics are important, but I still not sure exactly what about the economics are important.
I just have to figure that part out.
We're going to go to some more baseball games, maybe do a focus group if they let us get some bobbleheads to the people that participate.
We're going to figure this shit out.
I love how he pretends like it's some kind of a fucking Rubik's Cube.
Yeah, I've been working on this for a month.
It's going to take at least another month.
What?
My wife's going to proofread it.
I'm like midway through the first draft, I swear.
But things have been crazy.
A lot of stuff's slipping through the crack.
So we're going to get to it.
Things have been crazy.
We got our floors redone.
All the shit's out of the house.
There's a lot of stuff going on.
You know, you got a guy.
What will that package look like, Chuck?
Will it include Bernie Sanders' package?
Because that's all you need to do.
He's still acting like it's a mystery.
He's still acting like it's a Rubik's.
Oh, we're going to believe me.
We're going to become a party with an economic message.
And all it took was to be completely wiped out at every level of government.
That's all it took.
All it took was to have bigger income disparity since the Gilded Debt, bigger than the Gilded Age or income disparity.
We're getting back to mid-ages now.
That's all it took.
And Chuck Schumer, oh, he woke up.
This is a fucking leader.
Again, remember why they call him a leader.
Not because he's a leader, not because he's smart.
Not because people want to follow him.
Not because he has good ideas.
He's a leader because he sucks more cock on Wall Street than anybody else, and he gets more money to give to his party.
That's why.
Because he's a bigger fucking sellout than anybody.
That's why he's called a leader.
The opposite.
Black is white, up is down, in is out, and leaders are now weak-willed motherfuckers who do the bidding of the powerful.
That's called a leader.
That's why it's a year and a half after Bernie Sanders started his campaign, And he's starting to wake up that we might need an economic message.
How is it that a Jagoff fucking nightclub comedian was on this way before the guy whose whole life is about politics, his whole life?
You know why?
Because I'm not paid to not understand the problems of Americans.
I'm paid to understand the problems of Americans.
I mean, I'm not paid.
Believe me, if someone paid me $30,000 a day like Rachel Maddow, I would not understand the problems of Americans too.
I don't know where to go to sell out.
I'm willing.
I'm waiting.
Who do I call?
What door do I have to knock on?
I've got no offers to sell out, but I will.
If someone, $2 million, and that's it.
$30,000 a day, actually.
So there you go.
Democrats waking up.
Chuck Schumer.
Hey, it's only another month.
Maybe we have to lose two or three more special elections, and then I'll have my economic plan.
This guy's a fucking leader.
He doesn't know what he should be doing.
He didn't see this coming.
We're still waiting.
Gonna take another month.
I could come up with an economic plan in five fucking seconds.
Why is it going to take you another month, Chuck?
Oh, I know, because you have to wait till you have another meeting with Lloyd Blankfein, and then he's going to tell you exactly what you can tell people.
Right, Chuck?
Because there ain't nothing Chuck's going to propose that Lloyd Blankfein didn't first okay.
Jamie Dimon and Lloyd Blankfein told Chuck Schumer, yes, you can do this.
Yes, you can say this.
No, you can't.
No, you can't.
That's why he has to wait.
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So that's another way you can help support the show.
We have a Patreon link.
Just go to patreon.com slash Jimmy Door, patreon.com slash Jimmy Door.
Go there.
You can become a patron of the Jimmy Door show.
And you know what matters more now than ever because our show has really blown up and gotten way more popular since we've been going on YouTube.
But we've gotten over a quarter million subscribers.
And so things are really happening.
And except YouTube pulled our funding out from underneath us, right?
So they don't want independent news anymore.
And YouTube's offering establishment news.
They're actually offering for a fee.
So they're funding independent news people like us.
So that's why we're offering Patreon.
That's why we're offering a premium.
That's why we offer the Amazon, all these different ways.
And plus, we have the t-shirts.
We have all these different ways where you can help support the Jimmy Door show.
So thanks for doing that.
And if you're more comfortable with Patreon, use our Patreon link.
If you're more comfortable using our PayPal, become a premium member.
So there's lots of different ways to support the show.
Thank you for doing that.
Now let's get on to the second half.
Who would be calling in the middle of our show?
Hello?
Hello, Jimmy Door.
This is your wife's OBGYN call.
I need a reminder to get her hoo-ha checked.
Excuse me, what?
Is this Rod Paul?
Yes!
In the flesh.
And I'm calling on a party line.
So I have to say, woo-hoo, instead of more graphic and clinical vagina and so forth.
I didn't know you were my wife's gynecologist.
When did this start happening?
Oh, I got you out!
I've never met this nice lady we're talking about.
I decided to be helpful.
Get it all checked is my motto.
Mind you, it's okay for me to say that because I'm not part of the government anymore.
Otherwise, it'd be intrusive.
And I hate intrusiveness to the point of making sure everybody knows about it and agrees with me.
Right?
Yeah.
Well, I think this is kind of inappropriate.
You don't even know.
You don't even know her, and you're not even a practicing doctor anymore.
Nevertheless, I insist on a completely different subject.
You should probably inspect your dang-dong while you're at it.
Better safe than sorry, Okie Doki.
You gotta do it yourself.
You don't want Big Brother looking at that real estate, do you?
No, of course not.
No.
Jimmy, as you know, I complain my residency at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit.
Henry Ford taught us about efficient assembly line baby birthing.
We brought production costs way down.
We manufactured an affordable product the country could rely on.
And like those early Ford, our babies only came in two colors, white and bright blue.
I didn't know Henry Ford had a hospital named after him.
Oh, yes, Jimmy.
Henry Ford is practically my medical idol.
He said lots of important things like, history's bunk.
Don't forget to check your junk.
It's been a while since we heard from you, Senator.
What have you been up to?
Oh, I'm still promoting libertarian values.
I got a mail order coin company.
I sell coins in the mail.
Antique collector coins?
No, just regular coins.
Send me $10 and I'll send you back five quarters and so forth.
People like my coins because they come from my house.
Supply and demand, Jimmy.
That sounds like a total ripoff.
Not according to the Ron Paul Liberty Report.
Do you read the Ron Paul Liberty Report?
Not lately, no.
Because you display a gap in understanding the difference between free markets and an economy shackled with a hyper interventionist government.
Your welfare state is shackling me.
Don't shackle me.
But you're selling a buck and a quarter for $10.
Yes.
And some people think they have a right to interfere with my free market.
Don't interfere with my dream market.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
All right.
All right.
What else are you doing?
Well, I have my annual art.
Anthill art.
Yeah.
That's where I cast ant colonies in molten land.
I find a big annihil in my backyard, and then I come back at night with molten lead and pour it down the hole.
Next morning, I dig it up and wash it off.
Makes a beautiful Christmas decoration.
Kids love it.
Yeah, but that's not safe for kids, Rod.
Who says it's not safe for children?
The government?
A consensus of the world scientists?
Pretty much, yeah.
They don't have to buy one, then.
Every long poll lead ant farm comes with a sticker that says caution.
Do not touch or breathe near.
And geez, Jimmy, kids can always order my aluminum anils for $500 more.
But it's up to the consumer.
Make it easy.
They like lead better than other metals.
Come on, intervene.
I also do woodchuck holes.
But they don't sell as well.
Sometimes you get a woodchuck stuck at the bottom of the hole and the finished product of fucking bad day.
No.
Okay, that's, yeah, that's kind of sickening.
Hey, it's been nice.
I gotta go.
Well, I gotta go too, Mr. Borden person who's busy.
Okay, thanks, Bye.
What are you gonna do?
Come on, Bron.
What are you gonna do?
Jesus.
Doesn't matter.
I just have to go.
What are you gonna do?
Doesn't matter.
I just have to go.
I have to go, smarty pants.
What do you think about that?
Well, it sounds good to me.
Thanks.
Don't shackle me, Jimmy.
He he he he he he he.
He's got it, He's got it.
He's got it.
you you you Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door show.
I'm here at the Miserable Liberal and Ronald Macomb.
Hello.
Howdy, Addi.
So that's Jim Acosta.
You know who Jim Acosta is?
He's the newsman from the CNN's.
CNN, one of the N stands for news.
The other N stands for not.
So here's Jim Acosta.
I thought he stood for neutral.
Oh, maybe I said this.
I should put that back in my act.
So it says, Jim Acosta, here he is at the press briefing at the White House, and he tweets out, We Are Live, and he's got a picture of Sean Spicer, who's Trump's press secretary.
But first, he tweeted out this picture.
I'm sorry, I have him in bad order.
He said, waiting for Spicer.
Cameras allowed.
There he is.
There's Jim right there, Jim Acosta.
That's him.
He looks like George Clooney.
And then there's all the cameras.
Look at all the cameras back there.
Fricking cameras.
And everybody has a camera on their phone, by the way.
So everybody has their reporters.
They have recorders.
They have all good reporters have their own thing.
So, well, he went on CNN to talk about this.
Again, he's getting the coverage without the accountability.
Because Sean Spicer is not allowing cameras to be turned on in the press room, press briefing room.
And so this is what he's going to complain about.
Again, he's getting the coverage without the accountability.
And I think that we just need to recognize what's happening here.
And that is what we're typically accustomed to in this town in terms of covering the White House, covering the United States government, that is being eroded away right in front of our eyes.
Let me bring in Brian Stalter, our CNN senior media correspondent, host of a lot.
So it's being eroded right in front of our eyes because Sean Spicer told the White House Press Corps, no cameras or recordings.
Well, it seems to me if it was happening right in front of our eyes, why didn't they film him?
Why didn't they say that?
And then why didn't they continue filming and let them be hustled out of the White House press corps room?
Why didn't they show that?
Why are they being so respectful when these kind of things are awful?
This is ridiculous.
So I'm going to guess they are huge pussies.
So here, there's more to this.
Ryan, you hear Jim Acosta there and the frustration you heard in his voice when he was trying to ask questions of Sean Spicer specifically about why isn't this on camera?
We have our cameras.
We could put them right on.
What are your thoughts?
Well, I'll tell you what my thoughts are.
My thoughts are, turn on your goddamn camera, you coward.
Turn on your goddamn camera.
What is he going to do?
What are they going to do?
They're going to throw you out of the.
You're going to throw.
Yeah.
Have everybody in the White House press briefing room turn on their fucking cameras.
And then what is he going to do?
Arrest all the reporters in the White House press room for doing journalism?
Let them.
Yeah, if he did, talk about a scoop.
Yes.
I mean, come on.
Like, just sticking about it from like, you know, a journalistic stim.
Or if you're the only one that stood up, man, your career is made.
Gee, I wonder why these kind of things happen.
I wonder why.
Is it because they can get away with them because they know the press is a bunch of fucking mealy-mouthed pussies with no spine and will roll over?
Is that what you're going to say, Steph?
I'm sorry.
Yeah, no, no, that's exactly what I'm going to say.
You know, time and time again, we just heard what they did up north when they were voting for the Democrat leadership.
We heard people were like, oh, I'm so upset about it.
Did you do something?
Did you do something right then and there?
Did you stand up and make a problem?
And they didn't.
They said, no, they would have kicked us out.
Well, let them kick you out.
What's the worst thing that's going to happen to you?
You're a grown up and you get kicked out of the White House because you're trying to cover it.
I wouldn't want to have an uncomfortable moment.
That would be awkward.
And we wouldn't want to have an awkward moment.
I'm wearing a $5,000 suit, you guys.
I'm on CNN.
So here we go.
Here's Brian Setzer, Stetzer.
I think the word erosion, Jim used, is spot on.
This is erosion.
It's gross.
You know what was erosion?
Erosion of journalistic standards when your network showed Donald Trump's empty podium instead of the guy who should be president.
You know what was erosion?
Erosion of journalistic standards.
When one of your people hired by CNN cheated during one of the town halls and gave questions to a certain candidate over another can.
You know what else is eroding journalistic integrity?
When you paid Trump's campaign manager to capate him to come on and do propaganda and called it news.
You know what else is eroding the term breaking news because they pin it on everything ever since MH370 because they try to fluff their ratings that way and now it has no meaning whatsoever.
Let's see what else he has to say.
This kind of degradation in access to the White House and not access to the White House, but access to information about what's going on inside the government.
It's weird because we live in this world where if I reach over and grab my iPhone, it takes me three buttons to go live on my phone and I can be live streaming everything.
Which just goes to show you what colossal fucking cowards you are.
Yes.
I could go three seconds, three buttons.
I could be live streaming inside the White House press room and I don't do it because I'm a fucking coward.
That's why.
Because they might complain to my boss and then I'll get fired and I'll lose my job, and I don't want to because I'm a coward.
Because they are.
I mean, you know, hey, this is not news to anybody that TV news journalists are fucking cowards.
Is this news to anybody, Ron?
I'm not, I'm not, am I being too hard on Brian Stetzer?
No, I mean, not at all.
Like, like, this has been, and when you have this access journalism standard, when you want to be buddy-buddy to the establishment instead of holding them accountable, this is inevitably going to happen.
They're inevitably going to kind of slap you down and be like, well, now you can't film because we said so.
And when you go, okay, it's only going to get worse.
Or if you go, okay, and complain about it later, that's not much more brave.
Takes about three seconds so I can go live on my phone.
Why don't you?
Well, they said we couldn't.
Well, you know, Jimmy, who would have ever seen this coming?
You know, I don't know.
Was it just this time last year when Jorge Ramos was rushed out?
Remember when Jorge Ramos got kicked out of a press briefing and all you Jagoffs stood around and let it happen?
Who could have predicted this would happen?
I went to a Trump rally, and those reporters at the Trump rally are fucking cowards.
They don't report anything the way they should.
They don't ask the questions they should.
It's all about access journalism.
And when they're told to not take pictures of stuff, they don't.
He just told you I can go on, I can go live on my phone in three seconds.
And they won't.
Why?
Because they're taking orders from Sean fucking Spicer, which means they're taking orders from Donald Trump.
Yeah, the First Amendment's important and stuff.
And, you know, I'm one of the biggest media outlets I work for, but Trump said I couldn't.
These guys are regular private.
So now you see the difference between that guy and Chelsea Manning, right?
You see the difference between that guy and Chelsea Manning?
You see the difference?
One has courage and one has a $5,000 suit.
You see the difference, right?
Because I see the fucking difference.
And people are patting Jim Acosta on the back all fucking day long for him complaining about not being able to turn on the cameras.
You want to see?
Hang on, let's see if there's anything more.
Live in a live streaming video world, so to see the White House rolling back on access is strange.
It's kind of like they want to go back in time to the pre-cable news, pre-TV news days, but that's not possible.
Too bad.
Oh, you know what?
It's like they're going back to fascism.
Let's be really specific about what they're going back to.
Well, so here's Jim Acosta tweeting out.
I asked Spicer if we could turn on the cameras at today's briefing.
He ignored the question.
Then don't ask permission.
So I'm tweeting about it and he can't see me.
I'll show him.
So I tweeted out, hey, here's an idea.
Just turn on your fucking cameras, you coward.
Did you like it?
As of this, I didn't see.
I have to go back and check.
As of this view, I just tweeted out a little while ago.
It's only got 137 retweets and 429 likes.
That's not too bad.
Maybe he's one of them.
Maybe he's like, oh, shit, I didn't think of that.
I'm going to say, oh, maybe he's like, oh, fuck.
Oh, my God.
I could just turn him on.
I'll even pretend like I'm texting.
I could do this.
Yeah, I'll just pretend I'm tech.
Oh!
So there's your big tough guy, Jim Acosta, pretending to be a tough guy.
Brian Steltzer didn't even realize what he said, indicted all the people at CNN for being fucking lapdogs to power.
You could go live in three seconds.
why don't you?
Uh, uh, Access?
My boss might get mad at me.
We're basically, we normally bow to power.
It's just our reflex.
Who could have ever seen something like this coming?
I yearn for the good old days in journalism when we just let the White House fax us our talking points.
That was when we had the press freedom going on.
Who thought it would lead to this?
Hold on one second.
Right underneath Jim Acosta's tweet, his tweet is up here.
The first two people to respond to his stupid tweet about Sean Spicer won't let me turn on the cameras, they saw right through him.
Regular people.
So Kano says he's not your dad denying you a trip to McDonald's for nuggets.
Turn the damn things on.
Call their bluff.
So first fucking guy sees it.
And I say that guy's in the no.
Second guy, a guy named Rob Ambrose, says too many are coward by the president of the United States threats without realizing carrying out those threats would hugely backfire on them and they would never do them.
Yeah, but still Jim Acosta still doesn't have that kind of balls.
Even though he knows they'll never do it, it would be huge for his own career.
It would backfire on the White House and they'll never do it.
He still doesn't have the balls to stand up.
Isn't that fucking funny?
I don't know Jim Acosta.
I don't know, but all I know is what he's doing right now.
And what he's doing right now to me says that this is, he's like every other fucking high-paid $5,000 suit news, TV news journalists.
They're all about access.
They're not about bringing you news or information.
And they're all about grandstanding.
Because if he wanted to fucking turn the cameras on, he could.
I mean, if they all just turned their cameras on, what could have happened?
Like, what could have, I mean, the bet, like, would he have hid behind the podium like they were bushes?
Like, what could he have done?
What could Sean Spicer have done?
Absolutely nothing, Ron.
Nothing would be done.
They would look even fucking dumber.
It would backfire on them a million fucking percent.
But Jim Acosta, thank God, doesn't have the guts to push it.
Hey, Jim, get some fucking balls, buddy.
Why don't you come host my show for a day or two just by sitting in this chair?
You will just somehow you will, what do they call that?
By osmosis, you will get some balls.
I got balls hanging all over the place down here.
That's what this is all about.
This is ball zone.
Maybe they need ball zone.
You know, I don't have some fucking Jagoff paying me hundreds of thousands of dollars to say what I'm saying.
I get to say whatever I'm saying because I pay myself.
You guys pay me.
Not some fucking corporation, not some Jagoff.
And I'm not trying to get ahead on TV.
I'm not trying to be friends with anybody on TV or in politics.
Jim Costa, come host my show for a day.
Osmosis will fill your nutsack with balls.
And then the next time you go back to the White House that you have access to, you'll fucking have some balls to turn on your fucking camera instead of being an embarrassment.
You're an embarrassment that you tweet.
You think that makes you look tough?
That makes you look like a fucking weak sauce, Jagoff.
That's what you are.
Nut up.
What a fucking goddamn.
Steph, what do you think about that guy?
Well, you know, I just thought he needed a little bit of ball fresh.
That's my recommendation, Jimmy.
Do you think if I was in the White House briefing room and Sean Spicer told me to turn off my fucking camera, I would tweet about how mad I was about it.
Sean Spicer won't let me turn on my camera.
Really?
And you wonder why people get their news from YouTube?
YouTube.
*music*
Hi, everybody.
I'm here with the miserable liberal and Ron Placomb.
Howdy, howdy.
Hello.
Yay.
So this happened.
This happened again.
So we've been telling you left and right.
We just showed you the video that James O'Keefe got of the senior CNN reporter producer admitting that they're pushing the Russia story strictly for ratings and there's no evidence and he thinks it's all BS.
They've been printing BS stories left and right, having to put editors' notes.
I mean, I'm kidding.
Articles as long as my arm.
I mean, the list of articles as long as my arm, I can tell you that they've been printing fake stories everywhere.
Washington Post, New York Times, CNN.
So this is just the latest example of the mainstream news printing a completely false story that has to do with Russia.
Again, we have to remind you, you know, this is propaganda.
Russia isn't communist.
They're horrible, predatory, crony capitalists, just like we are.
We're worse because we're spreading it around.
Anyway, so what happened was CNN, three top, three of their top, they just organized this group of people, by the way.
This group of this investigative team.
The head guy is this guy, Thomas Frank, not the Thomas Frank that wrote this book.
Different Thomas Frank.
I thought that too when I first read it.
When I first read that.
It's like, yeah, yeah, it's not the Thomas Frank, whose book we like.
So they put together, just last, at the end of last year, they put together this investigative team.
They're going to do investigative stuff.
And really, they're going to be good journalism peoples.
One of them, actually, of the three people actually had a Pulitzer Prize.
So what they did was they wrote this story that tied Trump officials with a Russian bank.
Anyway, so here, well, here, he'll break it down.
Three prominent CNN journalists resigned Monday night after the network was forced to retract and apologize for a story linking Trump ally Anthony Scaramucci to a Russian investment fund under congressional investigation.
The article, like so much Russia reporting from the U.S. media, was based on a single anonymous source.
And now the network cannot vouch for the accuracy of its central claims.
Several factors compound CNN's embarrassment here.
To begin with, CNN's story was first debunked by an article in Sputnik News.
Ah!
Isn't that sweet?
That's just extra sweet.
The Russians debunked CNN's bullshit story about Russia.
It was first debunked by an article in Sputnik News, which explained that the investment fund documented several factual inaccuracies in the report, including that the fund is not even part of the Russian bank.
Ivenishnatskiniabach that is under investigation.
Not even part of that bank.
So they got that.
They got the whole fact wrong, the whole base of the story.
And Breitbart.com also debunked them.
Yeah, that's super sweet, too.
Breitbart.com debunked them.
Yeah.
Yeah, when Breitbart can call you out on your bullshit and be right, you've got issues.
You're doing something wrong.
You know, in 2012, Jeff Zucker, the president of CNN, said he wanted to, quote, broaden the definition of what news is.
What he didn't tell us was that fact-checking was on the chopping block.
Wow.
The corporate media, this joke works in several videos.
The corporate media is so shitty, so shitty that they can make a racist snake oil salesman billionaire reality TV star look like a victim.
Wow.
Oh, by the way, you want to see that?
Here's this.
There's the Sputnik news story that debunks ENN.
That's just the code.
There it is.
Russian investment fund denies CNN report of U.S. sanctioned regime violations.
And then there's the editor's note from CNN.
And what does it say?
I'll read it to you.
God damn it, I'll read it to you.
It says on June 22nd, 2017, CNN.com published a story connecting Anthony Scaramucci with investigations into the Russian Direct Investment Fund.
That's the RDIF.
The story did not meet CNN's editorial standards, meaning it was complete bullshit.
The story was complete bullshit.
I like how they say it, though.
It didn't meet our standards.
So.
Jimmy, why did you tell me that story last night that you were caught in traffic last night?
When I was actually out drinking?
Yeah, when you were actually out drinking.
Well, you know what, Steph?
That story does not meet my editorial standards.
Meaning it was a lie.
It does not meet my editorials.
It was complete bullshit, that story.
And he's now retracted it.
And I'm going to retract it.
You guys are fine.
So we're fine.
Please retract it in small print, though.
Okay.
Yeah, right?
The story did not meet CNN's editorial standards and has been retracted.
Links to the story have been disabled.
CNN apologizes to Mr. Scaramucci.
Scaramucci.
you you You know who hasn't called up in a while?
Liam Neeson.
I'm a little worried about him, so I'm going to call him up.
Yes.
Who is this?
Liam, it's me, Jimmy Door.
Yes, I know.
My phone told me it was you.
Your name appeared like magic on my phone screen.
And then when I answered, it was you.
Then why did you ask who this was?
I'd like to hear the words you say, you monster.
Hehehehehehehe.
Yeah.
You're welcome.
you Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call.
You know, gosh darn it, there's a lot more to that phone call.
But we don't have time in today's show.
What do you do?
You can become a premium member.
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, you click on join premium.
Hey, guess what?
I think maybe, maybe by the time you hear this, we're going to be offering premium video.
It's coming.
It's either coming this weekend or next.
Isn't that something?
So go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on join premium, and you become a premium member.
It's only $5 a month for audio, $10 a month For the gosh darn video, but we don't know if that's available just yet.
It's coming, baby.
New website and everything.
So it's on its way.
It is on its way.
So thanks very much for being a premium member and making this show possible.
That is what happens.
You are making this show possible.
That's right.
We'll see you July 17th.
That's right, July 17th in Burbank, California.
That's our next live Jimmy Door show.
I mean, our next live Jimmy Door show is July 15th in San Francisco, but that's been sold out for a while.
And we're going to add some more dates real quick.
We'll probably be going to Portland and Seattle and San Diego, and we're going to come out east.
I know a lot of people want to see the show in New York and Boston and D.C., so we're going to try and do that.
We may even hook up with Lee Camp and we'll see what's going on.
A lot of things are in the works.
Okay, so today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Conniff.
It was written by Jim Earl, Steph Zamarano, Ron Placone.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
All right, that's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Dorst saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Do not freak out!
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
Do not, do not, do not, do not, do not, do not.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not freak out.
I'm not.
I'm not giving it to you.
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Don't bring out.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't break out.
Don't don't break out.
Don't bring up.
Don't, don't, don't, don't dump the fuck up.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
I'm not giving it.
Don't, don't, you, don't, don't freak out.
Don't don't do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Not freak out.
Not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't don't break out.
Don't bring up.
Do not freak out.
I'm not giving.
Do not do that.
I'm not, I'm not.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
Freak out.
Freak out.
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