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Feb. 25, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
59:47
20170225_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_2-25-17
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
This portion of the Jimmy Door Show is brought to you by the shadow government.
Our thousands of employees work hard every day to keep up the illusion that you have control over your lives.
The shadow government, saving you from mass extermination by promoting ignorance and pliability for over 200 years.
The shadow government, because there's nothing you can do about it.
Now, back to the Jimmy Dore show, already in progress.
All right, thank you very much.
Huh?
Pay some bills.
I want to go back now.
It's the Jimmy Door Show.
The show for up-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to me, Kevin.
It's Jimmy Dore.
All right, the moment you've been waiting for, he's here.
He's in the room.
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Jimmy Door.
Hi, everybody.
How are you?
Whenever we do a live show, I always am excited if this gentleman is in town.
And he is in town right now, so he asked him to come do the show.
And I'm always excited when he's here.
It's Republican Representative from Ohio's 27th District.
It's Richard Martin is here.
Representative Richard Martin.
Hi, Richard.
How are you?
Good to see you.
Good to see you, Jimmy.
Good to see you.
You're looking sharp.
You always dress so sharp, Richard.
Why, thank you.
How are you folks doing?
That's just how a patriot would dress.
You know, you represent America every time you walk down the 600 yards of your driveway.
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I mean, just take a good look.
I am impressive.
Richard, you're always on the road.
Yes.
You have a family?
Yeah.
Don't they miss you?
They do.
They do.
They miss me.
I got two beautiful kids.
Three total, but two are beautiful.
Got a beautiful wife she knows to never cry in front of me.
That's nice.
Takes it to the other room.
I don't want to see Ronnie mascara.
Man can't make a baby with a raccoon.
But yeah, you know, I do miss them.
Not as much as my house, but I do miss them.
My house is huge.
I've got a library with leather-bound books.
I've never read any of them, but they just look impressive.
Yeah.
Younger on books.
That's a right-wing thing.
I love it.
It's a lot of fun.
It's a beautiful home.
And I live in a terrific neighborhood.
Do you?
Oh, there's no weeds.
There's no crime.
There's no gunshots except for people taking their own lives.
But it's just a safe.
Well, sometimes people's portfolios do tank.
And it's the honorable way.
I mean, you're going to face people at your country club knowing that you've bet in the wrong direction.
You've misjudged the market.
I don't think I could take that walk of shame.
Certainly not in spikes.
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER So listen, can I ask you about this whole Sweden thing, Richard?
Because I'm getting tired of it.
But go ahead.
Okay.
You're the first person that's asked me about it.
I don't know why I reacted that way.
Doesn't it bother you that your president is getting his information from a TV, which is getting their information from a blogger?
You know, why do you got a nitpick?
And first of all, can't we focus on the fact that finally somebody is sticking up for blondes?
You know, my first two wives were blonde, and I always spoke for them.
From day one till I cut them loose at 40, I always let them know what to think and what to say.
And I'm proud to say that nobody ever had to watch them speak up for themselves.
You are such an asshole.
I appreciate it.
You know, Pops used to tell me there's two things gals can never keep low enough.
What's that?
They're weight in their voices.
That is horrible.
I think that's what he said.
I couldn't tell.
Prison glass is very thick.
Well, you keep making comments like that.
I'll see you on Bill Maher pretty soon.
Anyway, here we go.
Have you heard about that guy on the Bill Maher, that Milo guy?
He's what they call the alt-right.
Is that the gay fella?
Yeah, the gay fellow who likes he's a pedder.
He's a pedophile or whatever.
Isn't that the same thing?
That is not the same thing.
He said something like, it's okay to have sex with like 13-year-olds.
Yeah.
Well, technically, that's not a pedophile.
That's a habophile.
Oh, would you leave the Jews out of this?
He said it.
Do you think it was okay for Trump to mock reporters at his first press conference?
He wasn't mocking them.
He was letting them experience the full force of his personality.
And people were impressed.
Every single person that saw that when it was done said, wow.
Yes, they did.
Yeah.
But no, it's, you know, that's why we, that's why we're behind the Donald, is because he, you know, he marches to his own beat.
Well, he says so many things that are false, right?
And doesn't he see the hypocrisy of calling news fake?
You know, the news is fake.
You know, except for Fox.
Why is that funny?
You know, the mainstream media, they tell you what happened yesterday.
Fox lets us know what is going to happen in the future.
That's helpful.
You know, for Republicans, they're our sanctuary city.
So, what about his exchange with the black reporter?
Didn't that strike you as both racist and sexist?
How?
First of all, he talked to her.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
But he said, this is the black gal that wanted to know if he was going to do something or other with the caucus, the black angry caucus or whatever.
And he said to her, you know them, right?
Because I'm sure she does.
I don't think all black people know each other.
No?
No.
So anyway, he says, well, why don't you go set it up?
Yeah.
That's terrific.
At his press conference, he's creating jobs.
Jimmy, if we give him four years, you are going to see millions of people working additional jobs.
Yeah.
Yeah, additional.
That's the key.
I picture people having four or five jobs.
Yeah, it's already happening.
Is it?
Yeah, that dream's coming true.
One month in office.
Look what he's done.
Listen, what's your stance on America taking in refugees?
Why would we take in another country's desperate people?
We're America.
We innovate.
Let's build our own.
We're halfway there.
We're halfway there.
You know, I just hope that we are given a chance for people to lose hope so that we can populate our armies.
You know, if you don't want the truth, I won't tell you that there is no recruiter like desperation.
Listen, let's get back to Trump.
So, no, the guy literally is president.
That's so weird to say.
President Trump, that's fucking.
Like, you feel like I must be in a sketch.
You know?
Every time I say, President Trump, did I?
Am I reading this correctly?
What am I?
He just held a campaign rally because he's so needy.
He just held a campaign rally after one month in office.
What the hell?
No, no, no, Jim.
He's not needy.
He's a confident man, thick-skinned, sure of himself, wise, well-informed.
Now, he is holding a rally for 2020 because in one month, he's already accomplished everything.
People are looking at him and they're saying, oh, he's finished.
That guy is done.
Look what he's done.
And that fellow, that patriot, I forget what his name was.
Oh, yes, I did.
That was so heartwarming.
Oh, you have it?
I do have it.
I would love to see that.
Sure, sure.
Sure.
I can't see it enough.
So, President Trump, I would just say, President Trump, I want to thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to come on stage like that.
Mr. President, I've been with you for two years.
You probably heard this.
Every single second, every day, I'm with you.
I got a six-foot cardboard box of President Trump in my house, and I salute that every single day.
And I pray and tell him, Mr. President, I pray for your safety today.
And I'm not lying, I do that every single day to the president, but he's cardboard.
Hey.
Since when is patriotism funny?
That young man, if you liberals only had half the heart that that young man has, we're going to create a job for him in the State Department.
Yeah, he's going to be a half ambassador.
What does that mean?
What's a half ambassador?
Well, he's going to be a liaison between Kentucky and the moon.
Well, you know, if you think about it, not a lot of people understand outer space and moonshine.
So you got moons and moonshine.
And it's a very rare double major at a junior.
It is.
It is.
There aren't very many accredited couches.
God bless.
Let's have a hand for Representative Richard Martin.
All right.
And it's neat.
It's neat.
It's neat.
Right now, we're going to bring to the stage the rest of our panel.
Right, a hilarious comedian.
He's the host of the very popular podcast that was chosen by The Guardian magazine.
It's one of the top 10 podcasts in the world.
It's the podcast called the Dollop Podcast.
Let's welcome him.
Dave Anthony is here, ladies and gentlemen.
Dave Anthony.
She's one of my all-time favorite comedians.
You've seen her a million times everywhere.
Let's please welcome the hilarious Laura Keitlinger, ladies and gentlemen.
Right now, come to say it's a miserable liberal herself.
Please welcome the lovely and talented Steph Zamorano.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Stephanie.
Hi, Stephanie.
Hey, AZ.
Richard, don't grab.
Don't.
She saw what he did.
She's pretty.
Richard, pretty.
Girls, don't mind.
Thank you.
He just.
They don't.
They don't.
Keenan Reeves is in the news.
Did you know that, Dave?
Keanu Reeves in the news.
He signed a deal to reprise his role in the upcoming Bill and Ted's excellent Princess Cruz adventure.
He's getting old, ladies and gentlemen.
Princess Cruz adventure, Dave.
Say, I know.
Oh, by the way, how do you say that guy's name?
Gorich?
Who's the guy for Supreme Court?
Gorsuch?
Gorsuch?
Is that how you say it?
So Gorsuch.
I mean, judging the way the Democrats have been going, that guy's confirmation hearing, he should look forward to a nice massage with release and a two-for-one coupon at the end.
Got that fucking joke out.
Because our Democratic Party has really put up great resistance.
Our Democratic resistance sure has put up strong resistance against resisting.
Right.
That's what I mean.
Right.
We got that Joe Manchin.
He is punching resistance in the fucking face, huh?
Let's focus on Russia one thing at a time, Jimmy.
Hey, sure, Trump fired the Attorney General.
And you know, right now, Nixon is beating off in hell to that, right?
Oh, fire him, fire him.
Fire the next fucker.
Hollerman Cox.
There goes your beating off in hell, bit.
Here's a phrase you're going to be hearing a lot in The next four years.
Are you serious?
Even Bush wouldn't fucking do that.
So this is Chelsea Clinton.
She said, thank you to all who organized I Am Muslim 2 today, Charlotte's first protest rally.
Hashtag no ban, no walls, no raids.
I would like to add one more hashtag for Chelsea, hashtag no running.
Okay?
How about you no running?
Also, I mean, let me just say this about Chelsea Clinton, Dave, because when it comes to pretending to relate to marginalized groups of people while actually having no clue, she learned from the master.
I remember my first protest rally.
I was 16.
It was somewhere in Mexico.
I don't forget it.
It's not really a concern.
Donald Trump wants to build a wall around the country, and Hillary's supporters want to build a wall around her accountability.
I'm like, but it's funny that she's like, I'm a Muslim too.
And it's weird because your mother spent years bombing out of Muslims.
Isn't that funny?
Just bombing the out of them.
You're not an Iraqi Muslim, right?
Or a Libyan Muslim, right?
Or a Muslim from Syria.
You're a Muslim from a place that your mom didn't want to bomb, right?
You're a Muslim from one of those places, right?
Why do you distinguish between the Muslims?
Well, she's a.
That's a good question.
Chelsea Clinton would like to thank the drone war and Islamophobia for giving her and her son an excursion for the afternoon.
She's the classic Muslim that was raised in the White House and married a hedge fund manager.
It's very mainstream.
You know, at the rally, I had a friend who was at the rally and they got close to Chelsea and they said they overheard her saying, yeah, I can't believe some arrogant crushed my mother's dream.
So apparently she's friends with Peter Dow too.
Peter Dow.
That is, that's, well, that's a, you know, there's some people that get it.
There's a lot of people that are like, we're about 10% of us are on Twitter.
If you're on Twitter.
Peter on Twitter, that's a good one because he's a.
How do you take a big lead and lose it?
Peter Dow will tell you how to do that.
I was hoping Hillary might be at the march.
Oh, no one.
No.
She's doing important stuff.
There's berries that she's picking.
And then she got a new outfit that looks like one of Steven Seagal's.
And that's mostly what she's been doing, but it's important work.
It's important work.
All right, let's go on.
I'm with her, but she's not here.
Okay.
All right.
So here's our commercial that we got.
Ready?
Oh, wait, no, that's not it.
Where is it?
Oh, that guy's great.
Yeah, he was great.
Do you want to see that guy again?
I'll show him.
It's the best.
It's the best meth interview I've seen so far in this election cycle.
So President Trump, I would just say, President Trump, I want to thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to come on stage like that.
Mr. President, I've been with you for two years.
You probably heard this.
Every single second, every day.
I'm with you.
I got a six-foot cardboard box of President Trump in my house.
And I salute that every single day.
And I pray and tell him, Mr. President, I pray for your safety today.
And I'm not lying.
I do that every single day to the president, but it's cardboard.
I love her face.
I love her face during expressionless.
She has no idea what to do.
She's like, did you see the follow-up when he shows a picture of himself with the he put up a picture of himself with the cardboard cutout in it?
I did not see that part.
Yeah, he did.
Oh, I missed that part.
I only saw the cool part.
You probably don't know this, but because I know the folks at Fox, before he actually finished that speech, they presented him with a contract to work there.
Yes, I bet.
So Trump has been upset about Barack Obama taking vacations.
Remember how he used to tweet about this?
Trump made his sixth trip to the golf course in 30 days.
Here is his previous tweets about the president's golf.
Let's look at some of them.
Look at this.
President Obama golfed yesterday.
That's so true.
By the way, Trump golfs, that's golfing once every five days.
And that's according to alternative facts that we call math.
That's what that is.
It's interesting, though, that Trump was upset when Barack Obama took all those vacations, even though George Bush took more vacations.
So I don't think he's racist.
I want golf to be the new eating your feelings.
Golf is the new eating your feelings?
How about that?
So the reason why I bring this up is because Don Lemon.
I love him.
I do love Don Lemon.
It's good to have someone smart in that job.
So Don Lemon has on a panel of people to talk about how much money they're spending on Donald Trump's vacations to Mar-a-Lago or whatever, and how much they're spending to protect him.
This happens all the time.
It's ridiculous conversation, but they have it.
And so the guy, if you see the guy in the lower side, he is a former George W. Bush official.
And Don Lemon and him are going to mix it up right now.
He's not happy with that Don Lemon saying there's too much vacationing happening.
Yes.
Yeah, so watch what he says about it.
Watch what he says.
Cut you guys short, but I want to get it all in before we have to go.
Paris, what do you think?
Hey, this is fake news.
This is not a news story.
Tell me what about it is fake, Paris.
We're going to go.
Are we going down this?
Yeah, we are.
Oh, emparis.
I didn't interrupt any of you all.
Let me just tell you why.
The president is not breaking any laws, and he's not doing anything.
It's not a good question.
Okay, Paris, hold on.
Let me ask you this.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Let me ask you.
I'm going to let you finish.
Do you actually know what the definition of fake news is?
Oh.
What we're doing right now?
No.
He set it up.
He set it up.
Is it Ferris or Paris?
It's Paris.
Paris.
Paris.
Don't ask the question if you don't know the answer.
Fake immune.
Because you are on the network and you're part of that.
No.
Fake immunity.
Hang on.
Let me explain to people out there watching and you what fake news is.
I'll explain to you what fake news is, Don.
Fake news is, I don't know, maybe CNN saying intel analysis shows Putin approved election hacking.
And then at the bottom of the article, it says, but neither of the sources said they knew a specific intelligence that directly ties to a division attack.
That's an example.
That's an example of fake news.
Like when you did breaking news, that you found that Indian fucking jet 24 hours a day, that would also be breaking news.
That is bullshit.
Okay?
The way you treated Bernie Sanders, that would also be fake fucking news.
How you pretended there wasn't a groundswell of support for a progressive in this country.
The way you covered Donald Trump's empty podium.
That would also be fake fucking news.
That would be another example of how you tried to pretend that Russia had more to do with the election than Hillary Clinton not going to fucking Wisconsin.
That would also be more fake news, Don.
So I'll tell you what fake news is, you son of a bitch.
Your station is fake news.
And that's why people watch the Jimmy Dore show.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It got very rush limba at the end where you brought up yourself.
I was telling you on board, and then it got weird.
Does this whole progressive thing pay?
Because I am intrigued.
That was.
That was a Munich-like response.
That had a beer hall flavor that has tantalized me.
So let's get back to him.
So here he goes.
Let's watch it again.
Empty, but no one that I know has put out anything to intentionally deceive someone.
This story that we're doing right now is not to intentionally deceive anyone.
We are simply talking about the cost to keep a president safe, the Secret Service cost, and where the pros and the cons.
And if there, and as Andre said, and if there are ways that we can maybe able to work on that to make it fiscally better for the American people, there is nothing fake about that.
Please stop it with that stupid talking point that is a fake news story.
If you don't want to participate in the news stories on this network, then don't.
Get used to it, motherfucker.
It's going to be four years.
As soon as the Hillary people were like, fake news, fake news.
How did you not know it was going to come back around?
Fuck you.
This guy's got a lot of boss for a guy who works for a news organization that paid Corey Lewandowski.
Right?
At the same time, he was being paid by the Trump organization.
I don't know if you know, Don.
That's called fucking propaganda.
You call corporate cocksucker.
That's what that is.
And that's what you guys do.
So you being pissed off at someone else is a haha laffy.
Jimmy, I think this is called making lemonade.
Oh!
Oh!
They are...
CNN is so fucked.
I agree.
It's going to be years of people going, you're full of fucking shit.
Well, they were doing it.
Well, here, let's finish this clip here.
Because watch how he hands this.
This is kind of funny.
But don't call them fake because you don't agree with them.
Go on.
Don, this is a fake news story.
Never being invited back.
Never.
Oh, my God.
So great.
Oh, the blacks are funny.
I mean, they can just sit there and do that for four years.
They're going to do that for four years.
Because that guy's a pretty sure he's a paid contributor.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
But everybody's paid at CNN.
Here we go.
Here's how Don ends that.
Because the underlying assistant is.
Thank you very much, everyone.
Thanks, everyone.
Thanks for watching.
Have a great weekend.
Good night, all.
And that said, he's all.
Hey, Don and Out?
Jessica Lemon out?
Now you know how everyone in this room felt when we were watching your coverage of Bernie Sanders.
All right?
Yeah, we kind of got sick of your shit, too.
Thanks.
Good night.
Have a good weekend, Don.
Thanks.
I'm going to YouTube.
Fuck you.
You guys can talk shit about Don Lemon, but there was nothing better than watching him struggle on the streets of Baltimore and Ferguson.
And Ferguson.
He had no.
He smelled marijuana in Ferguson.
Did you hear him say that?
Oh, maybe that's why there's violence.
I smell marijuana.
He was so fucking, he was just so great to watch.
How out of place he was.
He's just a total studio product, like Robot.
If you try to put him on, you put him anywhere on any.
Well, I know about Don Lemon because I know people who are friends with him.
And they say, yes, but they say that.
So this is what happened.
My friend goes, yeah, I know Don.
I'm friends with him.
You're friends with Don fucking Lemon.
That's what I said.
And he goes, yeah, he's a nice guy, Jimmy.
He just wanted to get in entertainment, and somehow CNN hired him, and he doesn't even want to do it.
He's not a newer guy.
He didn't want to.
He wanted to be doing like entertainment news.
Yeah, and that's.
That all makes sense.
CNN were like, well, that's the guy.
He's like Johnny Bravo.
He fits the jacket.
You know, let's get him.
Black guy who's, oh, he's perfect.
He'll say whatever we want.
Fuck it, get that guy in there, right?
It's not like they hired Cornell West.
They hired Don Lemon, right?
Yeah, but now it all makes sense of what he's like when he's out doing remote pieces.
Yes, he's more interested in what they're wearing.
He really is.
He was like, so you're here about Freddie Gray.
Who are you wearing?
Could be on the red carpet.
Tonight on CNN, Anderson Cooper examines a nation in turmoil with a giant panel of ill-informed dumb people talking over each other from behind an enormous gleaming glass and stainless steel horseshoe-shaped desk, while swirling graphics you can't quite read float in the background behind their yammering, ape-jawed heads.
Find out what our panelists are thinking all at once as the occasional good point gets drowned out by a cacophony of paid partisan fundants.
Plus, Anderson takes us behind the scenes with a tour inside Gloria Borger's massive mouth.
Anderson Cooper presents a clamor of conflicting opinions and insipid interjected analysis from a cabal of cattle incognizente.
Tonight at nine, following CNN tonight with Drunk Don Lemon.
All right, that's it.
That was our CNN.
That was our CNN promo.
This is what I say.
Thanks to everybody who thinks about the Jimmy Dore show when they buy something from Amazon.com.
You know, we don't encourage anybody to shop on Amazon, but we say if you're going to shop at Amazon anyway, have some of that money go to a good progressive cause like the Jimmy Dore show.
It's real easy.
How does it work?
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
You click on the Amazon boxes right on the front page.
It takes you to Amazon.
And then when you buy something, they send us money.
That's it.
Nothing to it.
Doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon and it doesn't cost anything, but it's a big help to the show.
So thanks, everybody, who does that.
And now let's get to the second half of the show.
If you want to know why Hillary Clinton and the Democrats lost, here's why.
And let me be as clear as I can be.
In my view, Democrats will not retain the White House.
Will not regain the Senate or the U.S. House.
This is from 2015, just so you know, at the DNC.
Will not be successful in dozens of governors' races all across this country unless we generate excitement and momentum and produce a huge voter turnout.
Y, U, J, U, D. With all due respect, and I do not mean to insult anyone here.
So if you can see that person's arm, where is it?
Right here, right here.
This is an arm right here over here.
This is an arm.
Just so you know, that's Debbie Washerman Schultz.
Just so you know, that's who that is.
Just so you know, that's who.
I like her.
She's in a dress, and that's her arm.
I don't see any payday lender money.
Oh.
I thought there might be some just sticking out of the sleeve.
Kind of old-fashioned cane.
That turnout, that enthusiasm will not happen with politics as usual.
The same old, same old will not work.
The people of our country understand that given the collapse of the American middle class and given the grotesque level of income and wealth inequality we are experiencing, we do not need more establishment politics or establishment economics.
So there, you're right to applaud that.
That is correct.
He was right.
He was 100% right.
And he was saying that right in fucking Debbie Wassoman Schultz's face.
And Debbie, you know, I would like you to join me in providing single payer.
Yes.
So you and your employees don't have to worry about providing health care for each other.
And we provided for everyone for half the price.
Ted, back to you.
Woo!
You guys all know that a bill's been introduced in California, right?
Oh, yes, this is happening.
Please, please send a message to your state representative saying you want single payer in California.
Now, that was a story I wanted to cover tonight, but much like Chris Hayes, I don't have time.
Can I, do you, did you hear about the, did you hear about the closed-door meeting that happened?
Yes, I covered it on the show.
I bet you these people have heard about it, Dave, but thanks for bringing it up.
It's just they had a closed-door meeting and the corporate Democrats told Bernie to lay off.
That happened.
They did.
And they told him, not only you lay off, because he was calling them out for their vote on the bringing drug importation from Canada.
He was calling them out for it, and they didn't like that shit.
They also told him to tell your followers, stop coming to our town halls.
Yes.
Not going to happen.
Kill your dogs.
That's going to happen.
Well, technically, we told the corporations to tell them to lay off.
Yes.
So why do I bring this up?
Because that's what's wrong with the Democratic Party.
And we all know this is what's wrong with the Democratic Party.
When the DNC platform was meeting, they said the committee voted for the TPP, against a fracking ban, against a $15 minimum wage, and against the carbon tax.
Maybe that was wrong with the goddamn Democratic Party.
Maybe there's your problem.
That doesn't sound very Democratic.
That sounds like a Republican Party platform.
That's exactly what it is.
So here's Corey Booker.
So here's the problem I'm having with the corporate Democrats: they keep trying to, because Trump is president, now they pretend like they're some big resistors, right?
They're this big, I'm for the people, Corey Booker.
This is Corey Booker, who, after he voted to make sure medicine stayed unaffordable for poor people, he went to the woman's march and put a pink fucking scarf on and said, I'm in ah!
No, you're not.
Okay, you're a corporate pig and a camera goon.
And so here he says, really worth to, because Trump tweeted out, the fake news media is the enemy of the American people.
And he says, really worth noting.
Trump says fake news media is enemy of American people, but has yet to say the same of Russia under bodyguard democracy.
Why?
Has Russia, did Russia just make our medicine twice as fucking expensive?
Is that why?
Is that how they're undermining it?
So I can't say.
So I think everybody's on to Corey Booker.
And if he gets re-elected, I will end up as these in a documentary.
I love this score.
Deidre.
I don't know if Ari Deirdre or whatever.
She's great.
You're undermining our democracy.
Thanks for the affordable medication vote you had.
Now, I don't know if you know Andrew Cuomo, the governor of New York.
Now, he's evil, right?
And he's a corporatist.
And he just signed a bill that came, the Republicans and Democrats.
It had bipartisan support.
They had come together to make sure that the poorest people in the state would be able to get legal representation.
They signed a bill that would fund legal representation for the poorest people in New York.
He vetoed it.
He vetoed it at the last moment, inexplicably confounding everybody on both sides of the aisle because he takes prison money.
That's who this guy is.
That's who Andrew Cuomo is.
Just so you know, what?
I didn't know that was why.
He's so evil.
Well, why else would he fucking do it?
Why else would you veto that?
It's not coming out of his body.
Do you need another reason to do it?
So here, here he puts on the pink scarf.
He puts on the pink scarf and he's going to try and pretend he's a real fighter for the people, right?
Even though he's about privatizing public schools and giving them the corporations and screwing over teachers' unions and he's just screwed over the poorest people in the state, the poorest people in the state who can't afford legal representatives.
Just stuck it to him.
And now, let's listen to him.
Let's listen to him.
As a New Yorker, I am a Muslim.
And as a New Yorker, I am Jewish.
And as a New Yorker, I am a refugee.
Okay.
And as a New Yorker, I am a bullshitter.
And as a New Yorker, I like hot dogs from the state.
The New Yorker, I am black.
Oh, at night.
No!
No!
Don't fuck you!
No.
You don't ever get to say that as a white guy.
No, you don't.
Never.
As a New Yorker, I like stopping.
Why are you throwing shit at me?
What are you going to do?
Tell me you're gay next?
And as a New Yorker, I am gay.
All right.
He will say anything as a New Yorker.
I knew it.
Oh, my God.
I knew it.
Can I just say the fucking dance club he's going tonight is going to be awesome.
You know what I mean?
If only Senator Craig had said that, he wouldn't have all this shit come down on him like he did.
As a New Yorker, my therapist says I'm having an identity crisis.
And as a New Yorker, it'll be okay if in a few months I'm blowing a guy at the public transport.
Right.
That's right.
I said it all these things.
Yeah.
I can blow men in strange bathrooms.
All right, there's more.
He has more, right?
Oh.
And as a New Yorker, I am poor.
And as a New Yorker, I am.
Boy, if he's poor, those rents in Brooklyn are really fucked up.
Goddamn hipsters, am I right?
But who?
I don't care how into the party you are.
Who the fuck?
Everyone should be like, come on, dude.
Like, no, people are cheering, but they should all be like, all right, get to the point where you're not a fucking asshole.
Right.
Here, he's got more.
And as a New Yorker, I'm a child.
He just said he was homeless, right?
Yes.
He just said he was homeless.
Yes.
So that's one of those things you take pride in as a New Yorker.
Yeah.
It's on the list.
I'm black!
A Muslim!
I don't have a house!
As a New Yorker, I say fictional lies, but I'm not a Broadway actor.
Are you starting to see now how easy it was for us to win?
Ha ha ha!
It was like raising the price of candy and then taking it from a baby.
Is it a Mexican baby?
I don't think he's going to mention Mexican in this whole thing.
I bet he doesn't.
Let's listen.
He's in education.
And as I am a New Yorker, I'm a family living in poverty.
And that we are all connected and we are one.
Wait a minute.
So he should have to legally have to be doing this the whole time.
He's saying that.
Yes.
As a New Yorker, I'm in poverty.
As a New Yorker, I'm poor and homeless.
Mario, get the car.
But he never said, I'm classical New Yorker.
I'm a guy doing blowing fucking hookers on Wall Street.
Oh, God.
I'm a guy on a yacht saying, fuck you, everybody.
It's New York.
As a New Yorker, I drive around with my head through the top of the limousine with a drink in my hand.
LAUGHTER Silent seen the rest of this, but I assume New Yorkers are grandstanders.
I just want to say he's a woman with breast cancer as a New Yorker.
No, that's the one thing he is not.
So like every time we see these politicians standing in front of a crowd of people with a pink scarf, we're supposed to be convinced that they're for us.
And you know, as soon as I see somebody wearing a pink scarf now talking, I'm just going to go, he's a dick.
Yes.
That's it.
That's all I'll say.
What if he's super, what if he's just a guy that's super into fashion and is not worried about all the gender restrictions?
And I will take that too.
What if it's Elton John?
Well, he's kind of a dick.
He sung at Rush Limblaugh's wedding, so fuck it.
You know, I think the liberals picked up that tip from us.
The whole, if you just put something on, you don't have to do anything.
You put the flag behind you.
You don't have to read the Constitution.
You can just...
APPLAUSE Woo!
You know, and if you wear a white hood, people know where you stand also.
Yes.
I'm not saying do it.
I just say I think we have a sponsor.
I'm not sure.
I hope we have a sponsor.
I'll do it.
Hang on, go ahead.
Brought to you by stuff.
Jimmy Dorch.
How about you found it?
This portion of the Jimmy Doers show is brought to you by things you can't afford.
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Yes, weird, delicate, really expensive things, quality controlled to the heights of perfection.
Things you can't afford for only the snazziest upper crust aficionados.
Take a good look, because that's the closest you'll ever get to.
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Ask for them by name, but you don't expect to get them.
Now, back to the Jimmy Door show.
Did they say a website?
Probably.
I think there's a Things You Can't Afford app.
Yeah, it's thingsycanafford.com.
I have Chuck Todd interviewing Jennifer Palmieri, who is the communications director for Hillary Clinton.
Here's Chuck Todd, and he's talking about what I had talked about before: that things are so horrible in the country that if Donald Trump becomes president, it will be the wake-up call that the country needs, and then people will start paying attention.
And some of the bitch people are paying attention, right?
Now, we've talked about it on the show.
Graham Elwood mentioned that he never knew who was in Obama's cabinet, but he knows every goddamn person in Trump's cabinet, and he knows what's been going on.
And he knows that that didn't just start fucking yesterday.
It's been going on for the last 8, 16, 24 years, right?
So people are waking up to what our government's doing, and I think that's the silver lining.
It's not good when I have chosen Trump to be president on purpose.
No, but it's a silver lining, and there can be good things from it.
Here's what he says.
Chuck, the protests are getting so large.
Even Chuck Todd is noticing.
I don't know if you remember, they were able to ignore the anti-war protests of the Iraq war and Occupy Wall Street for a long time.
They didn't even mention.
They drove right through those protests to get to their goddamn news studios and didn't fucking mention them.
And Dapple and the whole goddamn.
They didn't notice that forever.
So here, here's Chuck Todd.
He's noticing.
The base is angry.
They're turning up the heat on members of Congress, flooding Capitol Hill phone lines, swarming streets and demonstrations across the country.
Protest Saturday is essentially a thing now.
And bringing confrontation to town halls.
As we've said, in many ways, this looks like 2009 all over again.
When Tea Party activists made their voices heard.
Yeah, it's just like 2009.
Fucking nothing like this.
Nothing.
Nothing.
There's so few of them.
Yeah, you know, because Trump won in a landslide, just like Obama did.
And you know how the Koch brothers are funding the fucking...
Turfing up the...
Nothing like that.
But go ahead, Chuck Todd.
Again, he's our number one newsman, gets it wrong off the bat.
This time it's the left that's angry.
And for the time being, it appears the progressive base is taking command of the Democratic Party as such.
You're goddamn right we are.
Because there's Twitter and Facebook and YouTube and son of a bitches like Corey Booker and Heidi Heitkamp are going to get called out and Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi and all of them.
The Joe Manchin and their, you know, I'm, if you watch my Nick Brona thing, that's the way I'm going.
Third party, let's draft fucking Bernie.
Third party.
And I just, I hope Bernie does it.
I don't know if he will, but let's keep going because this is important.
Essentially, are abiding by that bumper sticker.
If the people will lead, the leaders will follow.
All these senate leaders are following.
Yes.
Yes.
So here is Jennifer Palmieri.
Oh, this thing.
And she sees all those videos of all those people out there protesting.
Sub-protest Saturdays become a thing.
And here's what she says.
I think that a lot of this energy is not the base is there, but you are wrong to look at these crowds and think that means everyone wants $15 an hour.
She's right.
No, look, people want to stay poor.
What are you moaning about?
People would like to stay poor.
Richard, I want to know what you think about that.
I think $15 an hour is just gaudy.
I mean, hey, look, do with all that money.
What would anybody do about that?
Cash go crazy.
People would start losing their minds and buying things they need.
They probably only...
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I bet you people will go nuts and start just all, you know, working 40-hour weeks and shit.
I'll say it again, Jimmy.
Hunger is nature's college.
Satire.
Satire.
Did you hear?
Is his name Piketty or Piketty?
Piketty?
Yeah, the economist Piketty.
Did you see the new study that's coming out?
No, what is it?
In the past 20 years, the lowest 50% of Americans, their standard of living has gone down 1%.
In China, the bottom 50% has gone up 400%.
Yes.
In France, it's something like 80%.
All over the world.
Every single bottom 50% has gone up.
Only America is the only country in the world in which it has gone down.
It's going to be fine.
It's going to be fine.
It's fine.
What's for what?
They're taking Detroit apart by pieces and selling it to people.
It's great.
There's nothing going to happen.
Nothing's going to happen.
No one's going to.
It's not going to go fucking...
LAUGHTER It worked.
It worked.
I have so many houses, I can't even count them.
Do you know the joy of having a house you're not even occupying?
Have the windows open in the AC on?
I do not.
Jeff of the maids.
No.
Jeffrey, could I get a martini?
Oh, now he needs a drink after that.
Yes, I do.
But here's Jennifer Palmieri has more to say.
Are you ready?
Oh my God.
Don't assume this is.
But don't assume that that's a problem.
Don't assume that the answer to big crowds is moving policy to the left.
I think the answer.
No, what?
No, no.
Don't go to the left, everybody.
Let me just say, I've heard of being bad with societal clues.
She's saying we shouldn't assume protests want policy change, right?
Because think of all those protests throughout history that occurred because the system was working well and people were happy.
And sometimes.
But don't assume.
Go ahead.
And Tinder doesn't work all the time.
You can't always meet somebody online.
You have to be out in a crowd to really find the.
Okay.
She doesn't like to assume.
You can't assume.
Jennifer Palmier doesn't like to assume unless we're assuming the states that Hillary is going to win in the Midwest.
Then she's okay with assuming.
Okay, she's got more to say.
So do the big crowds.
It's engaging as much as you can.
So here, listen to this.
I'm going to back it up a little.
I hope it backs up.
Very slowly.
Look at that.
But she says.
I poor people should eat turtle.
I mean, I have a machine.
You know, the French Revolution was started by people just stretching their legs.
I don't know how it took a turn, but it did.
I don't understand.
Like a person like this.
Like, she went to college and then she comes on TV and she doesn't feel like an asshole talking like this.
No, because then she leaves and she goes to the bar and everyone goes, you were so fucking great.
Yes, I know.
That's all I nailed it.
It's like the shame mechanism in their brain is fucking broken.
Jimmy, would it surprise you that, what's his name, Todd?
What?
Todd Chuck Todd?
Chuck Todd.
It's two names that sound like first names.
Chuck Todd.
Right, that's bullshit.
Anyways, Chuck Todd threw a party for her.
Did you know that?
Oh my God, that's right.
He's a cocktail party for Jennifer.
WikiLeaks revealed he threw a party for Jenny Palmieri.
It was private off the record.
Nobody was.
During?
During the campaign.
During the campaign.
I don't know.
I wonder why.
So that's the thing.
What Trump says, the news is full of shit.
The problem is, he's right.
And the problem is he's a flawed messenger.
But let's remember.
Barnes Wayne said, if you don't read the paper, you're uninformed.
If you do read the paper, you're misinformed.
And you know who else hated the newspapers?
Thomas Jefferson.
Thomas Jefferson used to tweet about the newspaper.
You know what's fantastic about this lady, though, is we don't even have to pay her.
I mean, that's value.
What did you call it?
So listen to what she says.
Listen to what.
And by the way, $15 minimum wage, it's ridiculous.
The $15 minimum wage is just for high school kids to have beer money.
That's how it was written in the Constitution.
You're not supposed to have a living wage.
What do you think?
You're going to go working there.
And so here's what she's saying is the answer.
How should we respond to these protests of the people coming together now and rising up and taking notice of what's happening with their government?
Here's what she says: how we should deal with that.
Basically, she said basically what she says is that we should do nothing.
But here are how many words she uses to say do nothing.
Answer to big crowds is moving policy to the left.
I think the answer to the big crowds is engaging as much as you can to be as supportive as you can and understanding what you can be as supportive and engaging as you and that, but she has more and nothing to say.
The answer to big crowds is to walk around.
Yeah, walk around.
You walk around them.
Yeah.
Just turn around.
If you're on the balcony, just turn around and have a drink.
Thank you.
You know what I mean?
Thank you, Stephanie.
All right.
Like a big, a big crowd to me is something you ignore.
Yeah.
Like you're like, oh, there's more, so I should pay less attention.
So she's saying that we need to support them or whatever.
They're too common.
But she says nothing.
And here's what she has more, nothing to say.
What these people want, they are desperate.
It's all about identity on our side now.
They want to show he does not support me.
I support you, refugee.
I support you.
Yes, I support you, refugee.
And the way I show that I support the refugees is by supporting a warmonger who bombed the fuck out of your countries and turned you into a refugee.
That's about 60% for the crowd.
60%.
60%.
The other 40% is like, you're being a little too hard on Jennifer.
Trump Todd threw a party for her because no one else would.
I think you're seeing it in Trump vision.
I think that 90% were with you right now.
Oh, okay, thank you.
All right, thank you.
So she's going to keep going.
I'm going to let her finish her answer.
And it's nothing.
She's saying nothing.
They have no, that's the thing about the Democrats, right?
So now they're being handed a gift.
Donald Trump is already more unpopular than Bush was after Katrina.
People are paying attention.
People are protesting every week.
They are making people's lives worse as we speak.
So it should be a bloodbath in 2018, but it won't because of fucking people like Jennifer Palmieri and Chuck Todd and Chris Hayes and fucking Rachel Maddow and Joy Reed.
That's why it's not.
And that's why we have to take it back.
We have to make them afraid of us.
And that's why the Nick Brada thing with Draft Bernie, I am 100% behind that shit.
And I'm already donating and your money only goes toward it.
Bernie says yes.
So you haven't heard about this yet, but have you?
No, but I'm with you.
Okay, thank you very much.
I mean, you know that we were in the middle of nowhere on that Bernie rally.
Do you remember that where we in Riverside?
Oh, you and I did.
We did a Bernie fundraiser in Riverside.
Oh my God, that was fun.
Anyway, there's people from Mexico came to that thing.
Remember that?
I love being there.
I'm from California.
I want to introduce you to your wife.
My wife's not from Mexico.
She's Mexican.
I gave all my money.
My wife and I sold our house and we gave her money to Hillary because we thought.
She needed it.
She needed it because she didn't have.
It was when she was just getting close to a billion.
And we thought, let's do something.
Let's make a difference.
So let's let her.
Let's let Jennifer Palmieri finish her answer of nothing.
In my neighborhood, I want to defend you.
Women who are rejecting Nordstroms and meeting.
Oh, that's it.
Yeah, we shouldn't have a policy position of, I don't know, $15 minimum wage, universal health coverage, or free college, or whatever.
No, frack, we shouldn't do anything.
You know what we should do?
We should stop going to Nordstrom's.
Women who are rejecting Nordstroms.
That really is.
That really is the fucking line in the sand, isn't it?
Isn't it?
Yes.
Wow.
Yes.
Some department store is going to pay for what's happening.
I'm in the middle of the day.
And it's going to be the one.
It's going to be the one that uses slave labor in the prisons and pays them a buck 30 an hour.
That's who it's going to.
I'm going to buy my spanks elsewhere.
Hello, Macy's, you fucking beauty.
Yeah.
By the way, Chuck Todd said this.
So if you look, Dave, if you look at what it says, our political discourse would improve if folks in power and the opposition could spend even just a second in the other's shoes.
Oh, really?
Talking about himself and us.
Well, here's a great, the guy who responded to this was Matt Boers.
said, gonna do some coke, read Stormfront and get my head in the Bannon zone.
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Ha ha ha ha ha!
We'll be right back.
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All right.
So our next live show is going to be March 20th.
So we have one March 4th.
That's sold out at the improv.
And March 20th back in Burbank at the Flappers.
There's still tickets available for that.
So go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and you click on the thing and we'll see you March 20th.
That's also a Monday.
March 4th, that's a Saturday, but doesn't matter.
It's sold out.
All right.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Ron Placone, Mike McRae, Paul Kyleslowski, Robert Yasimura, Mark Van Landuit, Steph Zamarano, and Jim Earle.
All the voices.
Oh, and Paul Gilmartin.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable, Mike McCrae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Thanks to everybody who was on our show.
Dave Anthony, Laura Keitlinger, Paul Gilmartin, and Steph Zamarano.
Oh, they were fantastic, weren't they?
Wasn't it a great show?
All right.
We look forward to our next show, March 4th, March 20th.
We'll see you at those shows.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Door saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
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not freak out you are now now rocking with that that that that that our kids Don't break out.
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