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Oct. 29, 2016 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:02:43
20161029_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_10-28-16
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
This is Jimmy.
How you like me now, Republican Party?
Herman Kane, is that you?
Hell yeah, man.
How do you like me now, asshole?
Looks like I wasn't such a bad candidate after all, was I?
I didn't grab women's pussies, did I, Republicans?
I just had that mistress-is all.
Oh, my God, that's right.
I'd forgotten all about that.
Whatever happened with that woman?
Oh, she's fine.
We're going to catch the early bird at Red Robin tonight.
Dency Miss Peregrine School for Peculiar Children.
Aren't you still married?
Aren't you?
Herman, you continued the affair that was publicly exposed and cost you the Republican nomination?
Well, yeah, what am I going to throw away a 20-year relationship?
But your wife.
You think my wife didn't know who she was marrying?
It's not like some woman with self-esteem is going to get with me, man.
You know what I'm talking about.
I don't, Herman.
What do you mean you ain't got no side piece, Jimmy?
No.
Jimmy, you got to get a side piece.
It calms you down.
It lets you focus.
It's like having a hobby you can have sex with.
Okay, Herman.
And I'll tell you, you get a side piece.
You'll be less likely to grab some lady's pussy, that's for sure.
Unlike a certain Republican nominee that I happen to know.
Wait, Herman, aren't you endorsing Trump?
Endorsing?
Hell, I did an event with that short-fingered motherfucker just the other day.
I pretended to be his black friend and everything.
Give him some cover with the white people who don't want to believe they're racists.
Now, that's what we call being a blackbeard.
Yeah, but why do you do it?
Everybody's got to have their niche.
Mine is Black Trump Republican.
And how's that going for you?
I got my own radio show, don't I?
I got my own line of Herman Kane apparel at Kmart, don't I?
Do you?
Sure, I do.
Let me tell you, Jimmy, one radio man to another.
Being a Black Trump Republican on the radio means you are no longer tethered to anything that makes sense.
So you can say whatever the fuck you want.
You don't have to plan your shows or think about them.
Just walk in and start talking.
As long as you sound angry, it's all gravy.
I guess I could see how that could work.
Tell you one thing, though.
Don't have Ben Carson on your show.
Holy shit.
That man is boring.
He's got the crazy down, all right.
I mean, prison makes men choose the gay.
That is gold right there.
And the pyramids were grain storage for Joseph shit.
But the presentation is like listening to paint dry.
I guess that's true, but Herman, what would you do if Donald Trump actually became president?
Well, I think it's pretty obvious, Jimmy, that I would be a collaborator of some kind in hopes of getting a cabinet post.
What cabinet post could you see yourself in?
Pokemon.
What?
I will be the secretary of Pokemon, helping to regulate Pokemon battles and the like.
Also, I will work to fight the evil James and Jesse of Team Rocket.
What are you talking about?
I'm a black Trump Republican, Jimmy.
I don't actually have to be talking about anything.
So I gotta go.
I gotta take my mistress to Red Robin for unlimited fries.
So if you excuse me, Jimmy, beat it you.
I choose you!
I choose you!
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the up-minded, low-enoughed lap beats...
The kind of people that are.
Hell Bench maybe on Terry Downer Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk in your key value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
Oh, my God.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
I'm joining the studio.
This week, we got a lot of people on the show.
Right now, Jim Earl is here, Emmy Award-winning writer and the author of Morning Remembrance, fake obituaries of real dead people.
It's Jim Earle.
Hi, Jim.
Hey, thank you very much.
Also here, hilarious comedian Hank Thompson.
Hi, Hank.
Hey, hello.
All right, let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
I don't know if you heard, but another woman came out accusing Clarence Thomas of sexually harassing her in 1999.
He was already on the Supreme Court.
Yeah, yeah.
And there are witnesses to her saying this in 1999.
Really?
Yes.
When he heard the news, Hillary advisor David Brock instinctively wrote a book libeling her.
Hey, do you know how Donald Trump appeared at the L. Smith charity dinner?
You know that, see that L. Smith charity?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's a Catholic dinner.
And they have the presidential candidate stop by, and everybody pretends that it's not one big club that you're not a part of.
Anyway, they had the L Smith charity dinner.
Donald Trump was there.
And his speech went so poorly that the priest started booing him.
Oh, really?
Priest started booing Donald Trump.
And, you know, Donald Trump getting booed by priests.
It was tough because I didn't know who to root for.
It was a hard decision to make.
Priest, Donald Trump, they're both pretty despicable.
Six, one, six and a half of things.
Hey, somebody with a sledgehammer destroyed Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Did you know that?
Yes.
Yeah, I saw a picture of it.
Hey, if you really want to vandalize somebody's Hollywood Walk of Fame star, I'd say put Mark Burnett's name on it.
Ouch, ouch.
You know, Democrats already raised like $13,000 to repair it.
To repair Democrats?
Yeah.
Donald Trump star?
Yeah, that's what I read.
Democrats?
This must be true because it's in print.
To show that's wrong to do?
Yes, apparently.
You know, back in the old days, they wouldn't do that.
They would have just banged up that star and got him out of there in a stretcher.
You know what?
Hey, did you know AT ⁇ T just offered $85 billion to buy Tyme Warner?
Wow, that's a lot.
$85 billion to buy Time Warner.
They won't know if it's approved the sale because it's tough.
They don't know if it's going to get approved.
They're going to find out somewhere on Sunday between 10 and 8 p.m.
Get it?
Cable joke.
Get it?
Hey, you know, today, today, New York City commemorates its Subway's 112th birthday.
Wow.
Yes, celebrating over a century of giving poor to shitty service up the east side.
That's a local joke.
That's a local joke for New York, huh?
We got a lot of listeners.
We're on the air in New York City.
Really?
Yeah, we're out on Tuesdays, 7 p.m.
WBAI.
WBAI in New York City.
Okay, we got a lot coming up on today's show.
We got phone calls.
Governor Perry of Texas calls in.
Secretary Hillary Clinton calls in.
Plus, why are we really in Syria?
The answer just may surprise you.
Plus, we talk about the real effects of climate change.
And a reminder, November 19th, 8 p.m., we're doing another live Jimmy Door show at the Improv Lab in Hollywood at Melrose and Crescent Heights.
A link for tickets at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Hey, everybody, I'm here with hilarious comedian, writer, actor Dave Anthony.
He hosts an incredible podcast.
It's called Dollop Podcast.
You might have known him from Walking the Room.
He is a Writers Guild nominated writer for the Mark Marin program.
That's true.
And he's done bunches of other things.
He's my good friend.
He's here, Dave Anthony.
Hey, Dave.
How are you?
Hello.
It's great to have you.
Thank you.
So I'm going to play now, Dave.
The reason why I'm excited to have you on the show is that we are a little simpatico when it comes to politics.
See?
And normally I'm Sympatico with a much larger group of people.
That's a time in the past, though, that's not coming back.
Yes.
There's a very...
There's the pro-Hillary people, and then there's the...
Yeah.
When you're to the left of somebody who thinks they're on the left, it is not pretty.
What are you?
You weren't raised right.
All right.
So now we're going to talk about Bernie Sanders.
We're talking about third parties.
And I came across this speech.
Bernie Sanders had this to say.
Now, the thing that's remarkable about what he's saying here is he's saying this in 1991.
Let's all take a listen.
But in the beginning, this is what would happen.
You had the Democratic candidate running for something and the Republican candidate, historically, Vermont had been a Republican state, a moderate Republican, not right-wing.
And then Democrats.
And then we had a third party.
And what would happen is debate after debate, television program after television program, the progressive third-party people would, in fact, get the best response from the audiences.
And people would say, you know, you guys make a lot of sense.
And then you go up to them and say, you're going to vote for us?
And they say, oh, of course we're not going to vote for you.
You can't win.
You're going to vote for the Democrat.
You're a much better candidate.
Everything you're saying is true, but we can't waste our vote.
Waste our vote was the expression.
So if there's any term that drives me crazy, it's this quote-unquote waste our vote.
Now, my own view, and it has been my view for many, many years, is that what we need in this country is what Jackson calls a rainbow coalition.
But it has to be done outside of the Democratic Party.
He's saying this in 1990.
This is before Bill Clinton completely sold out the Democratic Party.
And people don't understand how much he did.
Bill Clinton became a Republican and did things only Republicans could get done, like NAFTA.
Because what Bill Clinton did was split half the Democratic Party, because before George Herbert Walker Bush couldn't get the Democrats in Congress to go along with NAFTA, Bill Clinton could.
He's saying this before all that, before he deregulated Wall Street, before he deregulated the telecommunications industry.
That's back when we still had 50 giant media companies.
Now we have six.
Now we're going to have five.
There's a new merger.
There's a new merger coming.
Nobody seems to be upset about it.
What's that?
No, that's not true.
The other four companies are.
Yeah, the other four companies.
So we're going to have five.
So this is before all that.
Let's see what else he has to say.
And I say that here, and I'm delighted to be here with DSA because they are a non-sectarian group.
And we have worked with them.
And, you know, we recognize that honest people will have differences of opinion.
But my own feeling is the arguments of working within the Democratic Party and without go as follows.
The argument for working within the Democratic Party is that people say, well, that's where the working class is.
That's where the unions are.
Let's stay within that.
People are familiar with it.
That's been their home for many, many years.
There's truth to that.
Some truth to that.
The argument against working within the Democratic Party is that for millions of Americans, both parties are looked upon with derision, with disrespect.
Polls show that half the American people don't even know the difference between the Democratic and Republican Party.
And I can tell you very honestly, this is just as a practical politician, which is what I am, when I campaigned in Vermont, and I don't think Vermont is terribly different in this respect than any other state in the Union.
You know, we went all over the state and we shook probably 30, 40,000 hands.
I don't think that more than a dozen times people came up to me and said, Bernie, I can't vote for you because I'm a really strong Democrat and I believe in the Democratic Party, or I'm a strong Republican.
I believe in the Republican Party.
They don't.
I think what ends up happening is people don't see much of a choice.
There's the option, you know, you've got the Democrats, Republicans.
Sometimes.
This one's a little bit worse.
Sometimes this one's a little bit better.
But I think that by standing up and telling the truth that both parties are controlled by big money, which is clearly the case, that neither party—and I should tell you, by the way, that within— And imagine how much worse it's got with the Supreme Court making their decisions.
Yes!
This is back 1991.
He's saying it, that the Democratic Party, both parties are bought by big money.
This is before Bill Clinton.
It's crazy.
Congress and the Democrats, you have a lot of good people, and I'm not here to put them down.
You know their names.
Good people who year after year have fought the good fight.
But I think that nationally, the party has, on issue after issue, sold out so many times that if you go before the people and say, hey, I'm a Democrat, you don't usually generate a lot of enthusiasm.
You don't usually generate a lot of enthusiasm.
You go back and you look at old opinion pieces in newspapers and you'll find every four years the exact arguments that have been made today being made since the 60s.
Someone sent me one from 72 and I was reading it and I was like, this is exactly, this is the, you could just switch names.
Really?
It's the exact same thing.
It's evil that this guy will destroy everything.
It hasn't changed.
The problem is, is like, when are the people voting for this going to say we're destroying ourselves?
Because right now, pragmatism looks like slow failure to me.
Although it's quickening, isn't it?
Yeah.
But pragmatism isn't things are getting better slowly.
It's actually things are getting worse slowly.
Yes.
Are they better for social issues?
Sure.
But what does social issues mean if your life is crumbling and you're living in a car?
Yeah, so if I can now get gay married, but I can't afford health insurance.
Right.
That's what it is.
Like, that's the choice you've made.
I can now get gay married, but the housing market's going to crash and the banks are going to crash again.
And by the way, I make less than 50% of all wage earners make less than $30,000 in America.
And you know what?
When Trump came, the social issues were so won by the Democrats that Republicans were now fighting over where trans people can shit.
That's how much the social, it was done.
It's done.
They had the Supreme Court.
They didn't reverse Roe versus Wade.
They're not going to.
They're never going to reverse Roe versus Wade.
None of that's happening.
That's not happening.
All that's happening is they're putting in pro-business Supreme Court justices who are making it.
If you go look at the statistics of when labor used to win versus when business used to win, it was like 50-50.
Now I believe it's up to like 93% for business and 7% for, it is just a slaughter for pro-business in front of the Supreme Court.
That's slaughtered.
You are there.
And that's, and you're watching it and everything's falling apart.
And you're like, we're going to vote for the Supreme Court.
Really?
That's why people say you have to vote for Hillary because of the Supreme Court.
Even though there's this report out today from McClatchkey, she was thinking of choosing a Republican to be for Supreme Court nominee, just like Brock with Merrick Garland.
That guy.
Anyway, what?
What guy?
Well, that guy, yeah, he's not.
He's not what we want.
If you're someone from the left, you don't want that guy.
No.
Who wants that guy?
No.
And everyone just says, well, how are we going to get it by the.
Just keep nominating.
What's the difference?
They didn't do it anyway.
Just keep nominating.
How did they get Scalia?
How did they get Scalia?
They get Scalia.
Why can't we have a Scalia on the left?
Why can't we have Cornell West?
Well, they won't do it.
Who cares if they won't do it?
Shove it down their throat.
John McCain just said last week that they're going to block anybody she nominates.
Did you see that?
And then, of course, he backtracked.
But that's what they're going to do.
That's what they're going to do.
That's what they're doing right now.
And then she'll shoot you right now.
And then she will go, okay, I'll give you what you want.
It's actually what I want.
Yes.
It's just such a game.
And the Supreme Court thing is just.
And the mush-brained people who push that argument.
It's just mush-brained thinking.
That same old, same old Supreme Court, Supreme Court, Supreme Court.
So that's all you're voting for then.
In essence, that's all.
That's it.
That's the whole thing.
We'll do this forever then.
And we get to have wars forever, and we get to have crushing environmental policies.
We get to overthrow governments in Honduras.
We get to spend a couple trillion dollars a year on war.
We get to repeal habeas corpus.
We get to torture people.
We get to keep Guantanamo Bay open.
We get to have no union protection in America.
We get to outsource all our jobs.
Supreme Court.
Supreme Court, though.
Yeah.
Well, the abortion's legal.
Oh, wait.
It's not because in Texas, they've gotten rid of them all.
And in all the states, at the state level, they're annihilating it.
So why don't you stop focusing on the Supreme Court and focus on the fact that at the state level, it's being obliterated because that's where the problem is, not at the Supreme Court level with abortion.
That drives me crazy when people bring that up.
And I'm like, it's already, they did it and they had control of it and they didn't do it.
Look at what's happening at the state level.
You're saying that the conservatives had to control the Supreme Court and they didn't overturn Roe versus Wade.
I'm with you.
Okay.
But I'm ignorant.
I'm dumb.
I don't know how things work.
I'm fairy dusty.
I just keep seeing everything falling apart and I don't know.
I just think we could have universal health care, but people say, how are you going to afford cheaper drugs?
Well, the interesting thing about it is that if you, I was having a conversation because most of my fears right now are environmental based.
That's what I studied in school.
Oh, really?
I studied geology and then I switched to environmental studies, physical geography.
So you know that the Copenhagen agreement people said wasn't going to be good enough, which was they said they were going to cap it at two degrees.
Paris is even worse.
Yeah.
So meaning that we're effed because even their solutions don't even come close.
Yeah.
I mean, look, it's already happened that, you know, when CO2 goes into the air, it doesn't affect you immediately.
This stuff's already happened.
So we're waiting to see what the you know, I was trying to talk to somebody about the other day because they said they were like, well, there's always droughts in Cal.
There's a mega drought.
I go, right, but the mega drought is made worse by the climate change that's happening.
And I said, what happens is, say you're walking up a hill and you have a backpack on.
It's kind of heavy.
Well, take the drought and put some weights in there, right?
That's climate change.
Now it's heavier and it's harder.
Well, in 20 years' time, you're going to be walking up with a bed and it's going to take you five guys to walk up the hill.
That's what it's going to be.
Everything is going to be a nightmare.
Well, it's already happened because Syria started because of climate change.
There was a drought.
Syria, just a climate change.
A lake in Bolivia ceased to exist in 2015.
And for eternity, a race lived there.
They fought off the Incas.
They were strong people.
Now they are working in salt mines.
Like this is affecting everybody everywhere.
And slowly, you know, there's people in Louisiana who are leaving their homes because of climate change.
It's happening.
So I look at, because of, I think that I went and studied the earth in college, I think I have a longer, you're trained to look at the longer view when you study geology or the environment.
You don't look at the two-year, four-year thing.
You're looking down the road.
So I think I always have a different viewpoint.
I'm not as worried about the two-year, four-year thing.
I'm always looking farther down the road.
And when you take the CO2 stuff and the Paris Agreement, it's already a disaster.
Like we've passed it.
It's screwed.
There's no, you look at the, just go look at a chart and look at what we have to do.
And it's crazy.
Like it has to go off a cliff, basically.
We have to change everything.
And not one question, by the way, since 2008 about climate change in a presidential debate.
Since 2008.
Okay, who runs the debates?
The networks and the parties.
The parties do.
Okay, so the parties and the networks.
What network doesn't do focus groups to find out what people want to hear about?
What network has not done a focus group about climate change and learned that people find it depressing?
They're not going to ask about it.
People find it depressing.
That is not ratings.
It's not ratings.
But you know what is ratings?
Giant hurricanes.
Giant hurricanes are ratings.
That's right.
They are ratings.
So the effects of climate change, big ratings, talking about climate change.
Not big ratings.
Not big ratings.
Why would you discuss it?
We're talking about climate change with comedian Dave Anthony.
Dave Anthony, host of the Dollop Podcast.
You might know.
He's a Ryder's Guild Award nominated for his writing on the Bark Marriage Show.
Dave?
So for me, there's a lot of climatologists and people who work on the environment out there who are saying you have to vote for Trump.
You cannot vote for Trump.
You have to vote for Hillary.
But everybody is also at the same time saying as soon as we're done voting for her, we have to put her through hell.
But that's what the comedians are not saying.
That's what everyone else is not saying.
The only people are saying are the climate people.
As soon as we are done voting for her, put her through hell.
And one of the problems is that if she wins, every state.
She'll have no reason to listen to us.
No reason.
If it's a landslide, which it looks like it's going to be electorally, it's going to be an electoral landslide.
She will have no reason to listen to anybody on the left ever.
So that's what you're doing.
And so if you live in a blue state, vote for a third party, the Green Party getting 5%, getting federal funding, then they can go start a real party everywhere.
By the way, it is a real party.
They do have people elected to office all over the country.
They do.
It is a real party.
You have to.
If you live in a place like California and in this election, third parties do not get 5%.
We are such a failure as a democracy that it's insane.
We're already a failure for the Democratic Party choosing a just straight up corporate candidate over Bernie Sanders.
I'm telling you, it's Mitt Martin.
They could have chosen Mitt Romney.
As far as I'm concerned, we already lost.
And now it's just what is the damage going to be?
Because the damage is going to be, I mean, if TPP passes, that's the amount of corporate control off that thing is crazy.
But we give up our sovereignty.
You know, I'll say this.
I remember when voting for the Iraq war used to be a disqualifier, now ignoring it as the progressive thing to do.
She has flipped the script on so many no-no's for Democrats, right?
She flipped the script on the Iraq war.
She flipped the script on how much money a candidate can take.
They're celebrating almost getting a billion dollars right now.
She's about to pass a billion dollars.
Billion dollars.
How is that a good thing?
That is.
She has twice as many $100,000 bundlers as Barack Obama did.
And Barack Obama raised Mitt Romney from Wall Street.
What about the fact that there's little things that popped out in the emails, the WikiLeaks?
And one of them was that she at some point took in, apparently took in the Black Lives Matter message and decided to stop taking funds from private prisons.
And then the WikiLeaks revealed that they're like, yeah, no, we'll just have the bundlers do it.
And they'll get the private prison money.
Well, yeah, we'll just do it by not doing it.
And then we'll do it.
Like, it's just such bullshit.
Yeah, they're still, she had her super PAC still took the private prison money.
The thing I would watch about climate change that is happening and you're seeing it up in the Dakotas right now is the police.
The police.
Okay, so people don't know what this is.
So one of the reasons, like the Pentagon knows what's coming.
All police know what's coming, and that is this will start displacing people and displacing things.
But there's also going to be a violent backlash against fossil fuels.
Because if you're not doing anything about it, which they really aren't to the extent that they need to, people who feel hopeless, who don't, what's the main cause of death and destruction in the world?
Hopelessness.
That's what happens in the Middle East.
Those people have no hope because you've destroyed their world.
Then they start fighting.
So if there's a significant amount of people who have no hope for the future because of the environment, what are they going to do?
So that police presence is a warning to future environmentalists, but that's not going to stop whatever is coming.
The police presence up there is mind-boggling.
And that's not because of what's happening.
That's a message.
Yeah, they're sending a message to other people.
That's why they're charging journalists with 45 years.
Edward Snowden tweeted out, I only was charged with 30 years.
He goes, so what does that tell you?
They're sending a message by when they charge Josh Fox's producer with 40, they're going to sentence her to 45 years.
So that's exactly what they're doing.
They're letting you know, don't do this.
Right.
Don't do this.
Because protests are popping up.
And by the end, by the way, Wall Street really did scare them.
Why do you think they got rid of habeas corpus?
No, absolutely.
Why do you think the government can now throw you in jail without a trial in a military prison forever without a trial?
Well, I don't know.
You know, if you remember, habeas corpus is the lynchpin of democracy.
We got rid of it.
So why do you think they passed that law?
Do you think they passed that law because they weren't planning on using it?
You know, Texas is going to run out of, their aquifer is going to run out of water in 30 years.
So what does that, what do you, what does that look like?
What do people think about that?
And it probably will run out quicker.
It probably will run out quicker, you know, based on, you know, the more people there are, the more food you have to produce, the more cows you make, so on and so forth.
But what does that look?
People don't understand what that looks like.
The rich bail.
The poor are there.
The poor are angry.
The poor have no water.
What are they going to do?
Like, these are simple things to look at.
When you take something away that people need to live, it gets ugly.
It's just going, I don't know what form it's going to take, but it's going to be ugly.
And so they're getting ready for it.
The Pentagon has been writing forever that this is a problem.
And they're not just talking about from external sources.
The Pentagon talks about how climate change is a real threat to our national security because of how it puts everybody insecure, how it makes everything unstable around the whole world.
Yeah.
We will be building Trump's wall, by the way.
Yeah.
That will be coming at some point.
We will absolutely.
Well, Hillary already voted for it, by the way.
That's the weird thing.
She already voted for a wall.
That's the weird thing.
You know, Barack Obama's exporting, I mean, deporting Hispanics at a record clip more than any president.
It's unbelievable.
So the thing, so they get, she's a warmonger.
She's been proven.
I mean, she hangs out with Kissinger for F's sake.
Come on.
So the way to explain that to people who don't understand it is if in a few years when you're 50 or 60 and your kid's dead in a new war.
Yeah, and your new left presidential candidate is hanging out with Dick Cheney, you would find that odd.
Odd.
That's what Kissinger is.
He's worse than Cheney.
He's worse than Cheney.
So she's hanging out with the fucking devil.
Like, there is no one in American history that is that vile and has taken that many lives, orchestrated the death of so many.
He is a monster.
And she has embraced him.
And it is shocking to watch nobody.
No comedians are like, it's Kissinger.
So everybody be afraid of Trump.
Meanwhile, they're jailing journalists at the behest of Barack Obama's donors.
But it's so funny how when you say those things, you know that the mass crazy.
Yeah, the mass of people who are not going to be able to do that.
Why would they pass that law?
Why would they pass that law?
Look what they did to Chelsea Manning.
Look what they want to do to Edward Snowden.
But you know who they won't prosecute?
They won't prosecute actual war criminals who committed war crimes.
Who they want to prosecute is the people who expose the war crimes and the war criminals.
Because we're a nation of adult children of alcoholics.
We don't get angry at the war criminals.
We get angry at the person who exposes, who tells us about it.
Just like alcoholic families.
They're not angry at the alcoholic.
They get angry at you if you say, hey, there's an alcoholic in your house.
Oh, my God.
How do we fit all these people into an Al-Anon meeting?
Coming up in the second half, Ricky Bobby Perry calls in.
Hillary Clinton calls in.
And we take a look at what's really happening in Syria.
So that's coming up.
And before that, thanks to everybody who helped support our show by using our Amazon.com link.
I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is.
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Okay.
We got, hey, November 19th, why don't I remind everyone to, we're going to be doing a live show at the Improv Lab in Hollywood, Melrose and Crescent Heights.
Go to JimmyDoorComedies.com for a link for $10 tickets, right?
So they're not giving us any calm tickets for this one.
So go over there and get those.
We'll see you November 19th.
That's a Saturday, 8 p.m.
And it's always fun to do a live show with special celebrity guests.
All right, let's get to the second half.
All right.
Rick Perry's house.
This is Rick Perry speaking.
Governor Perry.
Yeah, who's this?
Hold on.
Let me guess.
Dabney Coleman.
No, sir.
It's Jimmy Doer.
God damn it.
I suck at this.
Suck at what, sir?
Guessing who's on the phone.
Oh, well, have you ever met or actually spoken to Dabney Coleman before?
No, no, I have not.
Well, then, yeah, Mr. Perry, that would be an odd guess.
I know, man.
Like, yeah, right there.
I should have guessed someone that would have some non-minuscule probability of actually calling me.
See, I don't even have the fundamentals of this shit down, man.
Well, it's probably not really a necessary skill to have, Rick.
I know.
It's just important to me to excel at the goals I have set for myself.
Personal growth, Jimmy.
Indeed, Governor.
Look, anyway, I wanted to pick your brain about the election.
Do you got time?
I have all the time in the world, Jimbo.
I don't do shit.
Well, look, recently you publicly stated your skepticism that the state of Texas will actually go blue this election.
Do you stand by that?
Absolutely, JJ.
Will not happen.
No way, Jose.
And I don't care how many people named Jose vote either.
Still red.
Well, I mean, speaking of that, you aren't worried about how the changing demographics of Texas will affect Texas electorally.
I mean, polling shows that Texas Latinos are almost solidly Democrat.
Oh, come on.
No way, Jimmy.
I personally know many Latinos, and they, just like all Americans and somewhat Americans, are drawn to the Republican message of smaller government.
Oh, really?
Yeah, well, think about it.
I mean, smaller government means less border security, right?
It's the government that's trying to stop them all from sneaking across the Rio Grande.
Wouldn't they want less of that?
I mean, there are local and state law enforcement agencies that patrol the border, too, but I mean, they're just mainly fat guys on ATVs drinking Red Bulls.
They don't do shit.
You know, like, okay, we're going to make sure no Mexicans try to sneak into America through this Bucky's truck stop right here.
We got that covered.
I mean, give me a break.
You have early voting going on right now in Texas for two full weeks.
Generally, this gives minority and low-income voters who traditionally vote Democrat more options to vote.
Doesn't that worry your red state assumptions?
Early vote all you want.
I'd like to see him get around Texas voter ID laws.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, if you got them ID laws, you could have three months of early voting.
Whatever.
Doesn't matter.
If you don't drive, don't even try that jive.
Governor Perry, you are, like many of your GOP colleagues, seemingly admitting the purpose of these laws right now are to stifle the minority vote.
You seem to be admitting that.
Jimmy, voting is a sacred privilege in our democracy.
We just want for people to be able to prove that they are who they say they are.
I don't see anything wrong with that.
Yeah, okay, see, when you say it like that, yes, of course there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with that.
But when the actual effect of these laws is shown over and over again is not to curb some massive voting fraud problem that doesn't actually exist, but rather to stifle the minority vote and swing elections Republican, then we know there is something wrong with that.
Jimmy, voter fraud is a huge problem in this country.
No, it isn't.
I just said it isn't.
Voter suppression is a problem.
That's the real problem.
Well, agree to disagree.
Governor, let me be frank here.
Your dirty GOP tricks like voter suppression and gerrymandering may keep Texas red for a few more cycles, but that won't work forever.
What will you do then?
Besides, you know, always lose.
Well, personally, I'll just switch back to Democrats.
Switch back?
Yeah, dude.
I used to be D, dog, but then I saw the writing on the wall back 30 years or so after it became apparent Ds weren't going to be E-elected in TXS anymore.
So I turned hard R. If I need to, I'll switch right back.
You know, I still think I have the uniform somewhere.
Uniform?
Oh, yeah, there was a bona fide Texas Democratic politician uniform back today.
What did it look like?
Kind of how LBJ dressed, you know, when he was at his ranch here in Johnson City.
Kind of a 60s leisure suit, but with Western embroidery and a bolo tie.
Like, imagine if Porter Wagner were going to filibuster a civil rights bill.
You know what I mean?
I hope it still fits.
I've been eating a few too many mole enchiladas these days, Jim Jam.
Okay, I got it.
Okay, well, listen, we'll talk with you later, Governor.
Okay, talk to you later, too.
Hey, next time you call, you better be Dabney Coleman.
Right.
Hey, why are we in Syria?
You ever wonder?
It's because we're trying to help people.
I'm here with Robert Yesamura, Hank Thompson.
We're going to talk about Syria.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr., he wrote an article that would appear in the Politico.
This is also over at Echo Watch.
So what are we doing in Syria, right?
So what America doesn't know is that the CIA, at our behest, has been toppling governments in the Mideast, left and right, trying to all the time since the 40s.
Iran, Syria, Jordan, Afghanistan, all of them.
We've had our fingers in.
We want to control it.
And Robert Kennedy says, while the compliant American press parrots the narrative that our military support for the Syrian insurgency is purely humanitarian, many Syrians see the present crisis as just another proxy war over pipelines and geopolitics.
What?
A pipeline?
I've never once heard Rachel Maddow or Brian Williams mention a pipeline.
And that's why we're in Syria.
Did you ever hear that, Hank?
You ever heard anybody mention that?
A pipeline?
No, not a lot of pipeline talk on what we're doing in Syria.
No, how about you, Robert?
You ever hear him talk about a pipeline?
I haven't heard them talk about anything in terms of Syria that explained what the hell is going on.
No, it's just that there's Assad saying Assad is bad.
And ISIS cuts people's hands off.
And Russia's there.
And Russia's there.
We're going to fix it.
Mosul.
And most of them.
A lot of people think the Syrian war started in 2011 with the Arab Spring, but instead, it really began in 2000.
Was it Ralph Nader?
No.
It was when Qatar proposed to construct a $10 billion 1,500-kilometer pipeline through Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Syria, and Turkey.
So now this has been going on for not just since 2000.
In fact, he points Out that the Bruce Lovett report, which is from the 50s, pointed out that when the CIA keeps intervening, that this is antithetical to American values, and it has compromised America's international leadership and moral authority without the knowledge of the American people.
So, like when the CIA overthrew the Iran government, tried to overthrow the Syrian government.
The people on the ground know this stuff, but we don't know it here in America.
So, they know that.
And this is a report from our own government.
They report blamed the CIA for the rampant anti-Americanism that was mysteriously taking root in the many countries in the world today.
So, it wasn't that they hate our freedom or our liberty.
This is even back in the 50s.
It was because of the CIA effing with other people's governments in the Middle East, all for war, and because they were afraid of Arab nationalism.
They saw that as fighting, we're going to fight Marxism, so we're going to fight Arab nationalism.
And whenever an Arab country wanted to keep their own oil reserves for their own people, that meant we had to go stop that.
So, here's the pipeline starting at Qatar.
So, this is the, by the way, this is natural gas.
So, Saudi Arabia and Iran, they have the largest, the largest natural gas deposit in the world.
And so, Qatar wants to take it through Jordan, go through Saudi Arabia, Jordan, through Syria, through Turkey.
So, they're on board.
Jordan's on board.
Turkey's on board.
Guess who's not on board?
Syria.
There's the problem.
So, now here's the other pipeline comes from Iran.
These are the competing pipelines.
Shia, Sunni.
And Russia is against it because Robert Kennedy says, of course, the Russians who sell 70% of their gas exports to Europe viewed the Qatar-Turkey pipeline as an existential threat.
In Putin's view, the Qatar pipeline is a natal plot to change the status quo, deprive Russia of its only foothold in the Middle East, strangle the Russian economy, and end Russian leverage in the European energy market.
Well, they never tell you this stuff.
Like, I mean, you have to seek this information out.
It's out there, but you have to, they never say it like then in the, so it gets into the consciousness of the American people.
They don't ever do that.
In 2009, Assad announced that he would refuse to sign the agreement to allow the pipeline to run through Syria to protect the interests of our Russian ally.
What happened then when he tells the United States and Saudi Arabia that I'm not going to let you have your pipeline?
What do you think happened?
Well, at that very moment that Assad rejected the pipeline, military and intelligence planners quickly arrived at a consensus that fomenting a Sunni uprising in Syria would be a good thing.
At that very moment, they decided to say, hey, let's overthrow this guy.
According to Sai Hirsch, before the war started, Assad was moving to liberalize the country.
Yeah, so they weren't going towards theocracy or fundamentalism.
Syria was actually, again, the way Iran was before we messed it up, a secular democracy, right?
So he was moving that way.
And according to him, he said they had internet and newspapers and ATM machines, and Assad wanted to move toward the West.
After 9-11, get this.
Assad gave thousands of invaluable files to the CIA on jihadist radicals, who he considered a mutual enemy.
Who he still does?
Yes, he does.
We consider ISIS an enemy.
So does Assad, except we consider Assad an enemy, too.
I say bomb them both, which is what we're doing.
All right, ready?
On September 4th, get this.
Get this, Robert.
On September 4th, 2013, Secretary of State John Kerry told a congressional hearing that the Sunni kingdoms, meaning like Saudi Arabia, Qatar, had offered to foot the bill for a U.S. invasion of Syria to oust Assad.
This is in 2013.
Kerry told a congressional hearing, I never heard this reported.
Did you hear this reported?
He said, in fact, some of them, this is according to Kerry, in fact, some of them had said that if the, some of them, meaning the Arab states, the Sunni Arab states, meaning Qatar, Saudi Arabia, some of them had said that if the United States is prepared to go do the whole thing the way we've done it previously in other places, Iraq, they'll carry the cost.
Color me not shocked.
So that's what this is all.
This is all about oil, a pipeline.
This isn't about John Kerry pretending to be upset that they're bombing hospitals or using chemical weapons.
That's why we got to go in there.
It's all about oil.
And Saudi Arabia using the American dollar as their oil base price, right?
The dollar is no longer backed by gold.
It's backed by Saudi Arabian oil.
Yes.
So Kerry reiterated that offer that the Saudis and the Qatar, the Sunni Arab states had made to Representative Ileana Ross Litanen.
That's how you say her name.
Quote, with respect to the Arab countries offering to bear the cost of an American invasion to topple Assad, the answer is profoundly yes.
They have.
The offer is on the table.
That's what Kerry told somebody.
John Kerry, Secretary of State.
So in 2011, the U.S. joined France, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and England to form the Friends of Syria Coalition.
Boy, is that Orwellian?
Yeah, that's a little, that's a really creepy sounding thing, man.
That sounds like the worst sewing circle ever.
In 2011, we founded the Friends of Syria coalition, which formally demanded the removal of Assad.
The CIA then provided $6 million to Barada, a British TV channel, to produce pieces and treating Assad.
So for propaganda, Saudi intelligence documents published by WikiLeaks show that by 2012, Turkey, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia were arming, training, and funding radical jihadist Sunni fighters from Syria, Iraq, and elsewhere to overthrow Assad.
So that means all of our allies in the Mideast were funding the people we claim to be fighting.
ISIS, cutting people's heads off, radical Islamic jihadists, those people, the guys have those people, our friends in the Mideast are funding.
So they're funding our enemies.
Our friends are friends with our enemies.
The idea of fomenting a Sunni-Shia civil war to weaken the Syrian and Iranian regimes so as to maintain control of the region's petrochemical supplies was not a novel notion in the Pentagon lexicon.
Really?
This wasn't the first time they thought of it.
No, in fact, a damning 2008 Pentagon Fund-funded RAND report proposed a precise blueprint for what was about to happen.
The report observes that control of the Persian Gulf oil and gas deposits will remain, for the U.S., a strategic priority that will interact strongly with that of prosecuting the long war.
In 2008, they Said this.
The long war to overthrow the uncooperative Bashar Assad was a feasible path to achieving the shared objective of completing the Qatar-Turkey gas link.
And by the way, let me just say, so I'm more moderate than you are.
I'm not conspiracy-minded.
None of this, I don't believe.
I believe every single thing about this.
And I'll tell you why.
Because it's been American foreign policy since 1940.
Yeah, since the World War to do this.
Like, to do things like this.
Nothing about this surprise.
Matter of fact, this actually makes more sense as an explanation for most of what's been going on in the Middle East over the last 10 years than anything I've ever heard.
I don't doubt any of this for a second.
This is, of course, what's going on.
It's freedom.
They hate us for our freedom.
They hate us because we have fun sports games.
All right.
They hate us because we have Coca-Cola.
Yeah.
Three flavors of Pepsi.
That's what it's all about.
And this doesn't undercut or change the fact.
Like, you know, Assad's pretty shitty guy.
Yeah, Iran's pretty shitty city state, pretty shitty state.
Because they're a theocracy because we've made it that way.
Like, it doesn't change those things, but it shows like, yeah, because we're contributing to it.
We are making their crazy worse.
We have made, you know, and there have been many, many turning points in the modern Middle East in which they could have just started developing on their own.
And they were.
We have fucked it up.
Well, every single person.
Iran was democracy.
Mosaddegh was.
Mosaddegh is how you say it.
He wanted to export American-style democracy across the Middle East.
And they were like, no.
America was like, no, no, no, no.
And so that's why they stopped all that because those guys, like Mossadegh, wanted to keep the oil for his people instead of giving it to BP.
And that's why they overthrew him.
It's when they installed the Shah of Iran as the American puppet who then used horrible right-wing strongman tactics against his own people for 20 years.
And that led us to get the Ayatollah Khomeini, which we have now, which has been a blight on America for the last 35 years or 40 years.
So that's what happened.
We, every time we do something, it blows up in our face.
Hey, we're going to go fix Iraq.
Look what happened.
The exact opposite of what we wanted to have happen happened.
We empowered Iran in the Middle East.
And so what are we doing in Syria right now?
It's all about oil and it's all about control of this gas pipeline.
It's all about control of that.
So this is great.
We're going to do more of it.
Don't ever believe anything your government tells you about this.
John Kerry is lying about this.
Every time he goes on TV, he's lying about it.
Barack Obama is lying about it.
Hillary Clinton is lying about it.
No matter who talks about this in the government, they're lying.
So don't, again, whenever John Kerry comes out and says something, just don't believe it on its face.
I'm here with the legendary journalist Robert Scheer.
His writing has been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize over 11 times.
He's the editor of Rampart Magazine, which was a very important magazine.
He's now the editor of TruthTig.com.
And he's the author of The Great American Stick Up.
He's here with us right now, Robert Scheer.
Hi, Robert.
How are you?
Good.
You know, you wrote a book about all this stuff.
So I wanted to ask you, we're talking about the John Oliver takedown piece he did on Jill Stein.
And he said that her idea to cancel student debt through quantitative easing was crazy.
Now, tell me, is that actually kooky?
And can something like that work?
Well, you know, basically quantitative easing is the Fed printing money to do whatever it wants.
And what it did was they printed money to let the banks off the hook and lend them money for next to nothing.
And then they can turn around and charge people even 25, 30 percent if they feel like, and they can use that money that they're getting basically at no cost to pay off their debts and obligations.
So Jill Stein was absolutely right.
If the Fed wants to, it can make money available for any purpose.
And, you know, this whole thing is presented as some kind of very radical thing, you know.
But when I went to college, a city college in New York, which was a great college, they didn't have tuition, you know, and in fact, they had free textbooks.
And Colin Powell was in my class.
And we didn't think that was something radical.
We thought that was our right to go to college, you know.
And we got into city college and we thought, you know, yeah, the taxpayers are helping us out.
And then we're going to be paying a lot of taxes the rest of our life to pay them back.
That was the whole deal of public education.
And this idea somehow, you know, even at state universities, kids pay a lot in tuition and you got to go broke and start out life in debt.
That's the radical and dangerous idea.
And Jill Stein is absolutely, you know, makes perfect sense.
So I don't know what the controversy is about.
It's really a choice of where do you want to allocate your resources.
And the Obama administration made a decision, just like the Bush administration, to allocate resources to keep the bank solvent.
That was a gift to them.
There's no morality to it.
There's no justice.
There's no logical reasoning other than you want to favor one group of people.
At the same time, they didn't help the homeowners who lost their houses.
That was another decision they made.
So here, Jill Stein comes along with a sensible way in which the federal government can weigh in and do something for people.
And, you know, John Oliver says that's wonkers.
You know, it's crazy.
If you look at Hillary Clinton meeting with Goldman Sachs, the three meetings, did you look at that that Wikileaks released where she sits there with Lori Blankfein, the head of Goldman Sachs, for three sessions and get three-quarter of a million dollars?
Anyway.
I haven't seen those WikiLeaks emails.
No, I haven't.
Tell me about them.
Well, they got the transcripts.
And in those transcripts, she says Alan Greenspan told her he didn't even understand collateralized debt obligations and credit default swaps.
And yet he's, you know, and Lawrence Summers didn't understand it.
And Robert Rubin didn't understand it.
Well, those are the SOBs who got the law changed to make all of that junk legal, prevent any regulation of it.
It was called the Commodity Futures Modernization Act in 2000 when Bill Clinton was a lame duck president.
He did it with the Republicans in the Senate, Phil Graham and others who Phil Graham went on to work for UBS after his wife was on board of Enron.
So these people are a bunch of crooks, you know, and they can change all of this economic reality when they feel like it.
And then in her speeches to Goldman Sachs, you know, Robert Rubin came from Goldman Sachs to become Treasury Secretary And to get rid of Glass Steagle and do all this stuff that wrecked the economy.
And she had the nerve at that meeting to say, oh, if you want to lose a fortune, Robert Rubin told me, If you want to lose a fortune, go work in Washington.
Well, that's just nonsense.
Robert Rubin got the law changed so that Citigroup, this big, biggest bank in the world, would be legal because he got rid of Glass-Steagall saying investment banks and commercial banks couldn't merge.
And what did he do?
He steps down, makes Lawrence Summers Treasury Secretary, and he goes to work for that bank for Citigroup.
He gets 15 million bucks a year for walking around without his shoes on, seeming to be interested in stuff.
And they become a big subprime mortgage bundler with all those collateralized debt obligations.
So, and they get bailed out by the Fed.
So, if Joe Stein wants to use the power of the Fed to bail out students, that's considered wild and crazy.
But you bail out the banks that caused the whole problem, and that's considered sane.
You know, come on, these people are just lying to us, they know they're lying to us.
It's deceitful.
So, why do you think a comedian who is supposed to be a natural outsider and is supposed to be taking the piss out of the establishment warmongers?
Why do you think a comedian wouldn't do that?
Why do you think they would do the other way and prop up the establishment and smear a third-party candidate who actually has great ideas?
Do you have any ideas about that?
I never have understood comedians, even though I liked your performances when I've seen them.
I try to understand Lenny Bruce and Mort Saul in Another Age, and they were wonderful but wild.
You know, I like John Oliver when, you know, and look, what's happening now is everybody is on best behavior so they don't hurt Hillary Clinton, okay?
And that's that's a way of dumbing down everything.
You got, you know, you got this barbarian at the gates, Donald Trump, and so you suspend all reason and all critical thought, and there's no accountability.
And the fact is, Donald Trump did not wreck the American economy, pig that he is.
Okay, he did not do it.
You know, it was an alliance between responsible Republicans, pro-banking Republicans, and Bill Clinton, and the rump center of the Democratic Party, the DLC.
They did it.
Rahm Emmanuel and Podesta and all these folks were in on it.
Hello, new president of the United States here.
Get over it.
Oh, that feels right.
Oh, hi, Madam Secretary.
Thanks for taking our call.
No problem, Jimmy.
I like doing phone interviews for many reasons.
Really?
Like what?
Well, I like to kick it with the young people.
Okay, so listen, Madam Secretary, the election seems uglier than anticipated.
Trump's rhetoric has really brought out the ugliness everywhere he goes.
What is your advice to people at this time?
I'm advising people to lock their doors and windows and stay in their houses until after the election.
What?
What?
See something, say something.
No, what?
You want everyone to stay inside their house?
Why?
Yes, I do, Jimmy, because Trump, Jimmy.
What?
Because Trump, you want people to not go outside?
He's an existential threat, Jimmy.
And as we used to say when landing in Bosnia under sniper fire, you can't be too safe.
Get over it.
No, but really, be safe.
That's nuts.
I mean, I knew you were a weak candidate that appeals to no one but the willfully ignorant and the overly frightened, but this seems a little extreme.
Oh, relax and get over it.
We're only asking people to shelter in place until after the election.
Shelter in place?
What the F are you talking about?
Remember, they did that back in Boston.
Do you remember Boston, Jim, when a couple kids made bombs out of pressure cookers?
Yes.
And remember how scary it was when they told everyone to shelter in place?
Yes, I do.
I mean, that was pretty scary language.
I'd never heard that before, shelter in place.
Me either.
It was so terrifying that I just knew if there was a chance to use it in the campaign, I was going to use it and I'm using it.
You are truly diabolical.
Are you telling me that you're impervious to well-orchestrated establishment scare tactics?
You're a Catholic, Jim.
Yes, I see through the tactics of the two-party duopoly that has kept our government in the hands of corporations.
Oh, heads up.
We got a Stein voter on our hands.
Oh, Jill Stein, she's not mine.
She's not with me, with her.
Okay, forget it.
Okay.
So you don't like third parties, huh?
Do they scare you?
Oh, no.
Nothing scares me, Jim.
I think third parties are adorable.
Like moveon.org, you know, without the mailing list.
I appreciate little people.
I don't mean little people.
I mean little, you know what I mean.
I appreciate little parties trying their best.
I think it is so sweet, but it doesn't help.
So get over it.
Bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
you Oh, isn't Laura Keitlinger hilarious?
Isn't she fantastic?
That's Laura Keitlinger.
God bless her head.
You know, there's a lot more to that phone call.
You know, there is.
But we don't have time on today's podcast.
We're just about up over an hour now.
So how do you hear the rest of that?
Plus a lot lot more.
We did, I think we did three premiums this week or something like that.
We gave you a bonus.
How do you do?
You get the premium content.
It's only $5 a month.
And if you pay for the whole year, you get a month free.
So it's even less than that.
It's not even $5 a month.
That's a great deal, but it's a great way to help support the show.
And thanks to everybody who does that.
So how do you do?
You just go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on join premium.
And when you do, we'll send you an email with all the info of the passcode and how to get this stuff.
Okay.
And so if you've made a donation, you didn't get an email, please let us know.
Send us an email at jimmy at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Okay, so that's it for this week.
Oh, gosh, big thanks to Dave Anthony for being on the show.
Big thanks for Hillary Clinton, La Laura Keitlinger doing that voice.
All the rest of the voices were performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
The show was written by Robert Yasamura, Mark Van Landuan, Frank Conniff, Jim Earl, and Steph Zamarano, and Laura Keitlinger.
you already know all the rest of that.
Okay, that's it.
Hey, we'll see you November 19th.
We're doing the live show.
Go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on the link.
November 19th, the improv lab in Hollywood.
Okay, we'll see you there.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Dorsey, and you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Do not freak out.
Do not, do not, do not, do not, do not, do not.
I'm not giving.
I'm not giving it.
Do not freak out.
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I'm not.
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I'm not giving.
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Don't break out.
Don't, don't, don't, don't dump the fuck up.
Don't freak out.
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I'm not giving it.
Don't don't freak out.
Don't you don't.
Don't don't do not freaking.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not.
Do not freak out.
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I'm not giving.
Not freak out.
Not freak out.
Don't freak out.
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Don't break out.
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I'm not giving it.
Do not do nothing.
You do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
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