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July 9, 2016 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:57
20160709_The_JImmy_Dore_Show_7-8-16
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Hey, come see a live taping of the Jimmy Dore show at Flappers Comedy Club during the Burbank Comedy Festival.
That's August 14th through 20th.
Come get some food, laughs, and a room because hotel rooms are right around the corner.
Sponsored by downtown Burbank Partnership, then visit Burbank.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
The Jimmy Dore Show!
Hello.
Is this Bill O'Reilly?
That depends on who's asking.
If this is the Peabody Award Nomination Committee, then yes, it is.
How may I be of service?
However, if this is my ex-wife's shitbag Shylock lawyer, then this is Lou Dobbs, Mr. O'Reilly.
It's Jimmy Dore, Jimmy Dore.
It's been a long time.
How is the view from your vantage point perched at the helm of a burgeoning new media empire?
Not too shabby, I have to tell you, Bill.
Well, just remember, you'll never be shit compared to my millionaire-ass internet boy.
Okay, if you were at Fox News, you wouldn't even be qualified to fetch me my afternoon hoagie.
Do you understand?
Yes, Bill.
Can you smell the male bull?
Do you smell his musk?
Look, Bill, I get it, okay?
Point taken.
All right, good.
Just so we're clear.
Now, if you ever forget this, I may force you to cut my testicles in your hands while making eye contact with me, which is a gender-non-specific method I employ to establish dominance over my interns and subordinates.
Well, we never met in real life, nor will we probably ever, so I'm not too worried.
All right, what do you want, Pinhead?
Well, I was just wondering if I could get your thoughts on the allegations contained in the lawsuit that former Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson filed against Roger Ailes.
Okay, okay.
Look, no.
I have no desire to comment on that.
These are baseless false claims from a deranged woman looking to destroy a powerful man.
Believe me, I know what I'm talking about here.
I've been around the block a few times myself.
So I understand.
So are you standing firmly with Roger Ailes' denials of these allegations?
Absolutely.
Roger Ailes comping to what goes on around here will sink this ship once and for all.
But don't you think...
You heard me, you fucking pussy.
Did you just straight up admit to a culture of systemic sexual harassment at the Fox News Network?
Come on.
What?
Come on.
Come on, what?
Jimmy, please.
We're both men here.
Yes, we are both men.
Well, one man and one half a cream puff.
We are two men.
Well, then you know that what goes on behind closed doors between powerful men and the women who desperately wish to be around them is best kept a trade secret.
Well, what do you mean, women who desperately want to be around them?
Come on.
All these beautiful news ladies who work here, all these leggy blondes.
You think we went out there and captured them with nets?
Shot them with tranquilizer darts?
Well, no.
Of course not.
They begged to come work at Fox News.
They knew it would be the pinnacle of their careers, and it is.
And Gretchen Carlson knew that, and she violated Omerta.
Yeah, but they wanted to work there for career reasons, not to be sexually harassed by the male leaders of the network.
They knew the deal when they came in.
Oh, really?
How do you figure?
Trust me.
Trust me, Jimbo.
These broads love getting extra attention.
That's what makes them get here early every morning.
Who doesn't like compliments?
Don't you?
I know I do.
Who doesn't like a nice compliment?
Or a not-so-subtle solicitation of fellacio?
And even if they aren't thrilled about it, they're at least used to it.
Bill, no woman in a work environment should have to be used to that sort of thing.
Listen, Pinhead, the culture at Fox News is borderline pornographic, and everybody knows it.
It bleeds from the walls here.
Back in the 2000s, Fox News's on-air love and relationship expert was a woman named Victoria Zadrock, who, as it turns out, had a background performing in hardcore pornography videos.
Fox News, the Family Values Network.
Can you believe it?
Wait, are you serious?
Absolutely.
We didn't even make her change her name.
And this is something that never received any attention for some reason.
In fact, it might be a Jimmy Dore show exclusive.
And don't ask how Mike McRae knows this.
Wow.
Wow, indeed.
You should have seen her.
Jesus Christ.
So with our relationship expert being a porn star, what does that tell you?
Before old Gretchen, the whistleblower and not much else blower came along and spilled the beans.
The message was loud and clear to the various news sluts we hired.
Bill, please watch it.
Oh, it was like the Olympics of sexual harassment over here.
We'd spend half of the working day just trying to top each other.
I remember how Brett Baer used to put his dick on Harris Faulkner's shoulder while she was rehearsing her broadcast.
Oh my God, Bill.
Bob Beckle would have a pair of trick suspenders that would snap and drop his pants whenever Ainsley Earhart walked into the break room.
She was a trooper.
She always just laughed politely and waited until she was on air to start crying.
That's horrible.
Even Lightning Loafer Shep Smith would get in the act, too, just for fun.
And he was good.
He was good at it.
He'd sneak up behind Jenna Liant and whisper, it's not harassment if I'm not aroused, is it now?
Bill, this is revolting.
I know.
And the bravest of us went after Andrea Tantaros, though.
She's a tough cookie, came from a professional background, but hot as hot gets.
You seen her?
Anyway, Bill Hammer, the young hotshot, thought he'd go after her, so he comes up to her in front of everybody in the studio.
And he goes up and he says, uh, knock, knock.
She'd not even look up from her papers and says, nobody's home.
And everybody in the studio started laughing because everyone could see he got shot down.
So you know what he did?
He was humiliated.
Humiliated.
Bill Hemmer.
You know what he did?
This is Bill Hemmer.
Bill Hammer.
He goes upstairs to Roger Ailes' office.
And he gets Roger Ailes to cut her salary 30%.
No.
Yeah.
It was great.
We were living.
We were kings of the world.
Okay.
I can't.
We could harass everybody however we wanted to.
I haven't even gotten to what I did.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
We've heard about the Luffa, the Mediterranean food.
I'm a Christian.
Okay, Bill.
Well, if there's any...
She was Miss America, 1989.
You watch it.
You watch it, pal.
So anyway, point being, I don't want to talk about this.
I'm not talking about this with you.
Do you got her sniping elsewhere?
I'm not giving away any Fox Dude secrets over here.
You race hustler.
internet bandito.
We'll be right back.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
The show for blockbusters.
The kind of people that are.
Combined me on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, TV.
And now, there's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
We got a lot of stuff coming up.
Guess who I'm joined by?
I'm joined by the miserable liberal herself.
It's Steph Semarano.
Hey, Steph, how are you?
Hello, Jimmy.
I'm also here, former writer for the Daily Show Emmy Award winner.
It's Jim Earle.
Hey, Jim, how are you?
Hey, Jimmy, it's great to be here.
Okay, great to have you.
Hey, you're welcome.
Hey.
Also, here is hilarious comedian Hank Thompson.
Hi, Hank.
How are you?
Good.
It's great to be heard.
All right.
I'm with her.
All right, let's get to some of the jokes before we get to the jokes.
I think we all heard about what's happening over at Fox News, Gretchen Gretchen Carlson.
You know, when he heard about the sexual harassment charges against Roger Ailes, Bill O'Reilly was so upset, a falafel rolled off his dick.
Really puts the wretch in Gretchen.
Hey, where does Roger Ailes find time to sexually harass women when he's spending his whole day raping the truth?
Oh, my God.
Nice.
My God, that's a hard joke.
Hey, did you hear Trump praise Saddam Hussein in one of his latest speeches?
Yes, Trump praised Saddam Hussein, but he was referring to Saddam's earlier funny stuff.
Before he sold out.
Before he sold out.
Before he started doing all those USO tours.
Yeah.
Old Saddam Obama Hussein.
Trump now, they tweeted out.
They saw how they tweeted out the anti-Semitic with Hillary.
They had the Jewish star over a bunch of catch.
Is Trump's shift from racism to anti-Semitism part of the general election pivot we've all been told he's going to make?
That's what he pivots.
He pivots from racism to anti-Semitism.
That's his pivot.
Different pivot than most people.
You know, Trump and his supporters can only scoff at the idea that there'd be something hateful about a meme he got from a white supremacist website.
Why would that be racist?
Come on.
It's just like frozen.
You know, when watching movies on TV, Trump often has a hard time telling the difference between Schindler's list and support your local sheriff.
Well, that's a reference.
Huh?
1968 reference.
Huh?
Huh?
I don't even get that joke.
I don't even get that joke.
You get it, Jim?
Yeah, it's James Garner comedy.
Oh, really?
That support your local sheriff?
Yeah, back in 1968, 69, I think.
Because he wore a sheriff's star.
And then in Schindler's list, they also wore that star, but that was different.
And so the joke here is that Trump can't tell the difference.
Yeah, that's the joke.
Haylor killed six million sheriffs.
You know, right now, Trump is scrolling through neo-Nazi white supremacist websites to find the perfect response to the Hillary email story.
These are great jokes.
These are all.
You know, did you see that the FBI, the FBI head James Comey, came out and he's not going to prosecute Hillary Clinton.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
Any minute now, Trump's going to say that James Comey is a Mexican.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
We got a lot of stuff coming up on today's show.
Over in England, they tried to overthrow Jeremy Corbyn.
We've got the fallout from that.
Also, the FBI, James Comey, gave testimony for four hours in front of Congress.
We're going to talk about what the upshot from that was.
Also, they came out with a report about the Iraq war in England.
Doesn't look good for Tony Blair.
How does Tony Blair respond?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
Also, what's coming up?
Hey, is Donald Trump racist?
Michael Steele, the African-American former RNC chairman, weighs in.
What does he think?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, we got phone calls today from Mr. Obama.
President Obama calls in, and Bill O'Reilly calls in, plus, a lot lot more.
today of the Jimmy Dorshow.
So two out of the last three RNC chairmen, Republican National Committee chairman, have apologized for the Southern strategy.
Two out of the last three.
And what is the Southern strategy?
The Southern strategy was implemented by the Republicans.
Let me just go back.
After the Civil War, all the people in the South left the Republican Party because Lincoln was a Republican, and they joined the Democrats.
So the Southern Democrats were racists, right?
Then the Civil Rights Act happened with President Lyndon Johnson, and he famously said, I'm going to write off the South when I pass this, meaning that all the racists in the South are going to switch from Democrat to Republican, which is what happened.
So that's when all the racists went to the Republican Party, and they implemented a thing in the Nixon administration called the Southern Strategy.
What's the Southern Strategy?
The Southern strategy is you use race baiting to get scared whites to vote for you.
You get them afraid of the darkie, the other.
And you associate Darkie with the Democrats and all the people, all the whiteys who are susceptible to demagogues who do that kind of thing and dog whistle.
What do they do?
They go to the Republican Party.
So that's what happened, right?
So we know this is what that's the history.
And they've been doing the Southern strategy ever since Nixon.
And we remember Willie Horton.
We, you know, famous.
Those are famous things, but it happens every day.
And so that's why two of the last three Republican National Committee chairmen have apologized for it, saying we're not racists anymore.
We're sorry.
And then Donald Trump comes along.
And the majority of their party votes for him.
And all their elected leaders are getting behind him.
I guess those apologies for this other strategy are worth nothing.
I guess didn't mean anything because they didn't.
So Donald Trump has recently shifted from racism to anti-Semitism.
He's getting everybody.
Literally, it's unbelievable, right?
Well, to appeal to racists.
So they have a panel on MSNBC hardball with Chris Matthews, but there's a guest host.
And they're asking Donald Trump.
I mean, they're asking Michael Steele, who was the RNC chairman and an African-American, what he thinks about Trump's racism.
And the answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Because it appears that Michael Steele has lots of expertise with rationalizing Republican racism and get ready for some more.
Here we go.
We had neo-Nazi groups, what they call the alt-right group, saying, no, yeah, we own it.
We think that Donald Trump is dog whistling it up.
Yeah, they do.
I mean, I'm sure they think that.
I agree with Steve.
I don't think that this is something deliberate on the campaign, and certainly on Donald Trump's part to.
Yeah, no, these are all accidental racisms.
What he meant to say was that the Mexicans rate well, not rape well.
That's what he was saying.
These are all accidents.
He doesn't mean when they tweeted out the star of David over money and tried to slander Hillary Wood.
That he didn't mean that.
He meant he likes Jews.
Boy, Michael Steele.
Ho-ho.
Anyway, it's just, hey, at other news, this year's Republican African American Outreach Convention has been canceled.
So Michael Steele, here we go.
Really play to that.
I think what he sees is: look, he's taking every means and measure available to get voters to the polls.
So he just said two exactly contradictory things.
He just said, I don't think Trump's really doing that, but hey, he's going to do anything he can to get the people to the polls.
Trump was just saying we have to stop Mexican rapists coming over to the border from taking all the jobs away from white racists.
Rapists.
Rapists.
Yeah.
But Michael Steele just said two completely different things.
He said, I don't really think Trump's doing that, but we all know he's going to do anything he can.
Yeah, he's just trying to get them out to vote.
He's just trying to get the racists out to vote.
I mean, you can't blame the guy.
You can't blame him.
He's taking Star of David.
Sheriff Star Sarah.
His dog whistles are so loud, even the fleas hear it.
Wait a minute.
It's an easy mistake to make.
I mean, sometimes I put something on Twitter and then a bunch of white supremacists send me money and vote for me.
It's just a goof.
Yeah.
Oops.
It's weird because, yeah, on one second, he says, I don't think this is deliberate on Trump's part to play that.
And then the next, he's saying he's taking any means to get voters to the poll.
I mean, that's literally contradictory.
He's doing what Trump does.
He's contradicting himself the same sentence, and it's about defending Donald Trump.
So I guess it's very fitting.
So let's go on.
There's a little bit more.
Let's listen.
At the end of the day, my sense is that's the driver here.
And he doesn't care ultimately where you're standing right now.
November, he just needs you at a ballot box.
And so this is part of that effort.
It is a dog whistle in that regard.
I don't think it's playing the racist elements per se.
What elements would he be playing to?
Well, I don't think it's racist per se, but just people who like racism.
I'm not racist, but I like it.
Talking about what is the mental gym.
That's a black guy.
I don't know.
I think someone needs to tell Michael Steele that all his friends are racists.
I don't think you realize.
I know you're the black guy.
That must pay well.
Being the black guy in the Republican Party, that must pay well.
Wow.
That's the Goldwater ploy.
I'm not a racist, but I will take racist support.
Yeah, I'll take their money.
I'll take their votes.
Unfortunately, what it does, though, is it does elevate them into a national conversation with our nominee and our party.
And for that, we are all experiencing a great deal of angina.
My party's racist.
What are you going to do?
Experiencing angina, which is coincidentally the name of Toni Morrison's new novel.
Experiencing angina.
She had a cute angina.
She had a very attractive angina.
And so people who should be calling this out, especially African Americans, should be saying, hey, you know what?
There's no place for this in our country.
And this is, so you got to stand up because that's what happened in Germany.
You know, that famous saying when they came for the trade unionists, I wasn't a trainer and saying when they came for the Jews, I didn't say anything because I wasn't a Jew.
When they came for me, there was nobody left.
Michael Steele.
So there's Michael Steele.
I'm not a Muslim.
I'm not a Jew.
I'm not a Mexican.
It's okay.
It's okay, really.
He lives in that bubble soundbite factory where he just wants to sound astute.
He wants to fit in at the cocktail party.
He wants to look good on TV.
That's his entire MO.
I was on a panel with him at this year's Politicon.
Michael Steele.
What an affable guy.
I'm telling you, that's what his whole life is being likable.
His whole life is being likable by the people who hate him.
Hey, it's all right.
You're white.
You're rich.
I want to be your friend.
You think I'm kidding?
He's a fucking Republican!
*Ruby music*
So the Republican Party having a hard time with Donald Trump, right?
When I mean hard time, it's like, oh, we have to get behind a guy who's a creep and a racist and an incompetent and a maniac and just a general embarrassment.
And guess what?
They're going to do it.
They're doing it.
So that's great to see.
They're already making excuses for his racism.
It's like making excuses for Hitler.
It's like, ah, come on.
Yeah, he's had some prizes, said some controversial things with the Jews.
I hear he loves women.
Well, here, yes.
And here is Donald Trump also saying some controversial, controversial, controversial.
The metric system is controversial.
Should we adopt it?
Should we not?
You know what's not controversial?
Racism.
That's not controversial.
That's your racist.
So, and then he can't, and he can't help it.
He just can't help.
He's gone from hating the Mexicans and Muslims to now he's hating the Jews.
Who's next?
Catholics?
I'm All for it.
So he went to Congress.
So Trump, as of today's, what's today's date?
The 7th, 8th?
Yes, 9th.
Today's somewhere in July.
And Trump went to Capitol Hill to talk with the congressional Republicans and the Senate Republicans and went along swimmingly in the House.
Everybody got along.
He wasn't booed?
Wasn't booed like Bernie Sanders was booed.
He went to the Senate.
And a guy named Jeff Flake, who's a senator from Arizona, gave him a bit of grief.
Jeff Flake, the senator from Arizona, you remember who the other senator from Arizona is?
John McCain.
So Jeff Flake gave him a hard time and said, you know, I'm the other senator from Arizona.
I wasn't captured.
So he stood up and he gave Trump a hard time, which is what they're all supposed to do.
They're all supposed to stand up and say, what the fuck is wrong with you?
We want to cut it out or we're not going to get behind you.
But that's not what they're saying, right?
Because they're all sellouts, right?
They're all kind of gross people themselves, right?
They're all narcissistic money grubbers and power, and they're in it for power.
And they're all shallow.
They have no integrity, right?
Because if you had integrity, you would stand up to Donald Trump.
You wouldn't get behind him like Chris Christie and everyone else in the Republican Party except for Jeff Flake.
So Jeff Flake stands up to him.
And why am I bringing...
So they go, so Nicole Wallace, I don't know if you remember Nicole Wallace, she was, she worked on the McCain campaign, right?
She's a right-wing talking head.
She said this about that, about him going to Congress and meeting with the Republicans and Jeff Flake giving Trump a hard time.
This is what she had to say about it.
Listen to this.
Someone who was in that first meeting, and I understood it went much better than the second.
The first meeting in the House went much better than the second.
Yeah, House Congressman, no problem.
Yeah, we're crazy too.
We're crazy.
We don't like immigrants.
We want to build that wall.
We're maniacs.
We want to bankrupt the government.
We want to do it.
We're out of our minds.
This guy's perfect for us.
It's Donald Trump.
So that went well.
He goes to the Senate.
To Jeff Flake, I guess, gave him a hard time about being tough on him.
And Jeff Flake, if you're to believe reports, news reports, no one's disputing them at this point, said, yes, I'm the other senator from Arizona, the one who wasn't captured.
And I'd like to talk to you about those kinds of statements.
So he was confronted face to face with some of his critics.
Got to give Trump credit on the one hand for staring them down or meeting with them or listening to this criticism.
Why?
Again, they can't help themselves.
They have to go out of their way to find something nice to say about Donald Trump.
The biggest creep in the history of modern history to run for president.
Creep, just blatant on the face creep.
Misogynist, the stuff he said to Megan Kelly, the stuff he said to Carly Fiorina, the stuff he said about Mexicans and how he lies about Muslims.
Not only what he's saying about Jews.
Hey, you know what, though?
You got to give him credit.
You get it?
You got to give Hitler credit.
You got to give Hitler credit.
He did stand up and what?
You got to get, this is what she's literally.
No, you're supposed to stand up to him, Nicole.
If you had a shred of integrity, if you had any integrity, you would say, God bless Jeff Flake.
And what's the wrong with the rest of our party?
What is this?
What kind of charade are we playing here?
No, that's not what she said.
She's like, you got to give him credit, huh?
You got to give that guy credit.
I'm a woman.
He has been horrible.
He beat his wife, raped her.
But you got to give him credit.
No, she's afraid she might lose access.
I don't want to say anything bad about Mothra because I might lose access.
Something bad about what?
Mothra.
What's Mothra?
Mothra.
Godzilla's villain.
Godzilla's villain.
I hope there's not a test on that.
You know, Jimmy, according to the Washington Post, Trump said at the meeting that he had yet been hard on Flake, but threatened to begin doing so.
And Flake stood up to Trump by urging him to stop attacking Mexicans.
And then Trump predicted that Flake will be losing his bid for office again.
Yeah, Trump, then he told Trump, I'm not up for election.
I'm not up for election.
Idiot.
Idiot.
I mean, and so people like Nicole Walls, they don't care that they completely throw their reputation.
They have nothing.
So you're just going to say nice things about Donald Trump.
Why would anyone ever listen to you?
You have no self-respect.
If you had self-respect, you wouldn't say things like, you have to give Donald Trump credit.
They have no, none of them.
I'm not saying just her.
I'm saying all the Republicans, except for Jeff Flake, apparently.
Jeff Flake is the one guy who has balls.
Even John McCain doesn't have balls.
He went on to say, they asked him, a reporter asked John Flake afterwards.
They said, you know, what her thoughts was.
He says, you know, I'll just leave it at that.
But my position remains I want to support the nominee.
I really do.
I just can't support him given the things that he's said.
Yeah, so that's Jeff Flake saying, hey, I want to be a loyalist because that's what Republicans value, being loyal, even if it's wrong.
So we'll be loyal.
Instead of valuing standing up to somebody when it's hard, when it's right, they value going along with someone who's wrong.
Because if someone's power, remember, remember, right-wing mentality is might makes right.
They literally think that.
So whatever God, God did, remember he kills people and it's because he's God.
He's all powerful.
So if someone's got the power, they deserve it.
They're moral.
And the way you're more moral is by following power.
That's how they think.
Let's remember this.
So the more you succumb to power or the more you follow power, the more moral you are in a right-winger's head.
So going against Donald Trump would be courageous.
Going along with him like this, that's what they call loyalty.
But that gets them points.
So that's all.
Let's see if she said anything else.
You got to give Jeff Flake credit for taking his beef with Trump straight to Trump.
But I don't think anything was resolved.
Yeah, you got to give them both credit.
You know, the guy who stands up to Hitler, and you got to give Hitler a little credit too.
You got to give, yeah, it was nice that FDR joined the war and we've already in Churchill and everything.
Those guys get credit.
But you got to give Himmler a lot of government credit.
Come on.
The final solution was a pretty good solution.
You got to give them both credit.
You got to give credit to the guy who stands up against a fascist, racist, misogynistic creep.
And you have to give that guy the misracist creep credit too.
Because I'm a Republican and that's how my fucked up brain works.
That's amazing.
Paul Ryan said, I thought he did a great job engaging with our members, and I think our members appreciate it.
They're talking about the biggest embarrassment this country has ever produced on a national scale.
That's who they're talking about.
I think he did a great job.
So why?
These guys, no integer, nothing.
These guys are scum of the earth.
Paul Ryan, scum of the earth.
If you support Donald Trump and you're a politician, you are scum of the earth.
There's no, I mean, I know it sounds like hyperbole, but it's about time someone stood up to Donald Trump, and it's about time someone stood up to the people who won't stand up to Donald Trump.
Meaning, you, scum of the earth.
Yeah, I mean, I'll go along.
Yeah, sure, he's racist, he's anti-Semitic, he's misogynistic, whatever.
But you know what?
I like his tax policy.
I hope you're enjoying this week's show.
Less swearing, at least, right, than last week.
Less swearing.
That's a good thing.
I think it is.
I don't know.
Maybe it's not.
I like swearing.
Okay.
Hey, I want to take time to say thanks to everybody who supports our show, however, you do it.
A great way is the next time you buy something on Amazon, if you go over to our page and use our Amazon link right there, it's on right on the front page.
You click it, it takes you to Amazon.
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It's just that easy.
It doesn't cost you anything, and it doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon.
But son of a bitch, it really helps support the show.
So thanks to everybody who does that.
We have a lot of people who do that already.
So thanks.
You know, instead of having all your money go to Jeff Bezos, we say, hey, have some of that money go to a nice progressive show like the Jimmy Door show.
So thanks to everybody who does that.
And by the way, you have any problems with your Macintosh, Sean James will fix it for you right over the internet.
Give him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
You spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
Now let's get back to the second half of the show coming up.
We're going to take a good look at Tony Blair and how he still feels about his involvement in the Iraq war.
Because there was a new report just came out.
Well, let's get to it, shall we?
Thank you.
you you you Hey, you want to do some funny business at the Burbank Comedy Festival?
It's August 14th through 20th.
It's at the Flappers Comedy Club and Restaurant.
So I'm going to be there.
That's me, Jimmy Door.
Guess who else will be there?
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So if you're like me, you're still waiting for someone, anyone, to be held accountable for the illegal war in Iraq and the war crimes that were ordered to cover it up, meaning torture, stuff like that.
They're still doing it, by the way.
Guantanamo is still open.
We have a torture prison in another country.
A country that's supposed to be hostile to us.
Anyway, guess what?
They came up with a report over in England.
It was called the Chilcott Report.
And what was the conclusion?
Oh, the Chilcott reported Iraq war offers devastating critique of Tony Blair.
Devastating critique of Tony.
Devastating?
Oh, here's from the Independent Chilcott report: Blair didn't tell the truth about WMDs.
You're kidding.
The deal with Bush or the warnings of fallout.
Really?
He didn't tell the truth about any of that stuff?
You're kidding.
How Britain went to war in Iraq.
So here's from that independent.
It says the prime minister was so convinced that the presence of non-existent of the presence of non-existent WMDs that he sent British troops into Iraq when diplomacy might still have resolved the crisis.
But the secret intelligence report he had been shown did not justify his certainty.
Sir John Chilcott concluded.
This is from the Chilcott report.
Mr. Blair told the inquiry that the difficulties encountered in Iraq after the invasion could not have been known in advance.
We all knew it.
We all knew you're going to destabilize the Middle East.
We all knew what you're going to unleash sectarian violence.
We all knew it.
Anybody who knew anything, I mean, even I, a Jagoff comedian, knew that.
So Tony Blair still, we are who thought, anybody would have made that mistake.
No.
In fact, what did the report say?
Oh, the report said we do not agree that hindsight is required.
The risks of internal strife in Iraq, active Iranian pursuit of its interests, regional instability, and an al-Qaeda activity in Iraq were explicitly identified before the invasion.
Oh, still lying, those motherfuckers are still lying.
No, nobody, nobody could have.
They told you before exactly what was going to happen.
Nobody could have predicted and still clinging to this.
And here, Sir John Chilcott's damning report into the Iraq war also revealed that Blair and U.S. President George Bush were made fully aware that Iraq could descend into sectarian chaos after the invasion.
Directly contrary to what Mr. Blair told the inquiry.
Still lying.
War criminals still lying.
Still lying.
Sir John also said that the risks of internal strife, regional instability, and the burgeoning of al-Qaeda in Iraq were each explicitly identified.
Yet planning and preparations for Iraq after Saddam were wholly inadequate.
What a crappy British invasion.
It's like sending in Herman's Hermits.
What else do you expect?
Disaster.
That's what you get.
The British advased and was often referred to when the Beatles came to America.
Jim was saying that Herman's Hermits was another popular pop band from the UK.
What if they had come over?
Wouldn't have been as good of an invasion.
Yeah, they sucked.
They did suck.
That's what I'm saying.
The Herman's Hermits.
And he criticized intelligence chiefs for allowing.
Oh, so the report, Chilcott, criticized intelligent chiefs for allowing the prime minister to get away with misrepresenting what they had told him when he was presented, when he presented his now notorious dossier to the House of Commons in September 2002.
So what they're criticizing there is the intelligence community in the UK, in England, who went and briefed Tony Blair on what the situation was, all the horrible stuff that would happen, all the stuff.
And then, by the way, there isn't weapons of Matt, all that stuff.
And then they didn't say anything when he lied to the House of Commons in the report that he gave into the notorious dossier.
So he gave a summary at the beginning of it, Tony Blair, to the House of Commons saying, yes, the intelligence chiefs agree he has weapons of mass destruction.
That they didn't.
Yet they didn't say anything when they saw the prime minister lie.
Right.
they didn't say anything.
You know, they also, he also points out in this report, he says, it's now clear that the policy on Iraq was made on the basis of flawed intelligence and assessments.
They were not challenged, and they should have been.
So that's the whole, nothing was challenged.
They were not, no.
Tony Blair just said, whatever.
We'll go along.
Right.
And guess what?
The people who did challenge that stuff were called traitors.
Marginalized.
Marginalized.
Oh, you're not with the troops.
You're not with us.
You're not against the terrorists.
Turns out we were the terrorists.
Turns out we go around dropping bombs.
This is an interesting piece of info that came out of the Chilcot report.
This was from George, from Tony Blair to George Bush.
This is kind of funny.
He said, I will be with you, whatever.
This is what he says to George Bush.
I will be with you, whatever.
But this is the moment to assess bluntly the difficulties.
The planning on this and the strategy are the toughest yet.
This is not Kosovo.
This is not Afghanistan.
It's not even the Gulf War.
The military part of this is hazardous, but I will concentrate mainly on the political context for success.
Meaning, hey, you guys go plan the war and I'll put a PR campaign around it.
That's what Tony Blair is saying.
I'll worry about the power.
I'll get everybody.
Don't worry about it.
I'll tell everybody the people who call us out for this.
I'll try to marginalize them.
I'll use the power of my office to call them traitors, to dismiss them, to make them seem like they're gutless and they don't want to fight terror.
I'll do that stuff.
That's what that is.
But he starts with, I'll be with you, whatever.
What?
Whatever illegal shit George Bush wants to do.
By the way, remember, George Bush, right-wing maniac, white-wing, born-again Christian maniac, and Tony Blair is supposed to be the liberal.
Whatever you want to do, whatever you want to do, I'm with you, whatever.
And by the way, I'll go put together a bullshit story for you.
So I thought that was that was that was, I like that.
But ultimately, the war, you know, made the world a better place.
Ultimately, it did.
So, and no one held accountable.
You can't hold somebody accountable for making things better.
So, here, the Chilcott report totally, totally, totally removes any doubt that Tony Blair is a liar and a warmonger and a war criminal and completely get rid of it because he totally lied, misrepresented facts.
That's another way to say lie and said contrary things to what the intelligence specialists were telling him.
And by the way, he stayed.
Okay.
So there you go.
So that's nice.
And so that came out.
The Chilcott report came out and they ripped him.
And the newspapers are ripping Tony Blair.
So let's hear what Tony Blair has to say about this a little bit.
Let's listen to what Tony Blair has to say.
The decision to go to war in Iraq and to remove Saddam Hussein from power in a coalition of over 40 countries led by the United States of America.
Right away, he's like, see, that's 40 of us.
There were 40 of our, it wasn't just me making, was we all made mistakes.
That's what that is.
It's still doing that.
And the U.S.-led.
Yeah, and the U.S.-led.
Yeah, the other 40 countries, they twisted their arms.
Oh, God, it never stops.
It was the hardest, most momentous, most agonizing decision I took in my 10 years as British prime minister.
Oh, poor Tony.
Tough decisions.
For that decision today, I accept full responsibility.
Thank you.
Without exception and without excuse.
So I guess he's going to be turning himself over to authorities then, and he's going to be spending the night in prison at least.
I will be writing a check for $3 trillion to the United States of America and sending back 4,500 or so people in body bags.
Yes, I take full responsibility, meaning I will bring the dead back to life.
I will reanimate everyone.
I will write a check for $3 trillion because that's what this thing costs.
Yeah, I'll reanimate.
There's no way for you to take full responsibility unless you go to jail.
That's how you would take, those are just, again, more empty words from a fucking war criminal.
That's who he is.
Don't forget that.
That's literally who he is.
And we're worried about terrorists.
Here's a guy who has no trouble starting a full-scale war, wiping out hundreds of thousands of people, has no trouble doing it.
Oh, I mean, it was a tough decision.
I guess I wonder if it was as tough a decision as when, you know, Saddam, I mean, when Osama bin Laden, you know, the decision he had to make, should we fly the Jets into the trade tower?
Should we just go after the Pentagon?
You know, those kind of tough decisions.
Same kind of decision he made, except on a much bigger scale.
Many more people were killed.
Many, many more people were killed.
And people in his own country were killed.
So that's the, I don't know, you tell me.
Is that kind of a tough decision?
It takes full responsibility.
You didn't even hear him.
He just said he took full responsibility.
So here's him not taking any responsibility.
You ready?
Here it comes.
Here's him taking zero responsibility.
Here we go.
What I cannot do and will not do is say I believe we took the wrong decision.
Because I am clinically insane.
I am crazy.
The whole world, this report tells it all over.
Everyone knows it, but I will not say it was a bad thing.
Thousands dead in Iraq.
The region destabilized.
The Middle East in turmoil.
No harm done.
That's him taking full responsibility.
Here we go.
I believe, I believe I made the right decision and that the world is better and safer as a result of it.
Thousands dead.
Holy crap.
The world is better.
Off.
Completely destabilized the Middle East.
Hundreds of thousands dead.
His old soldiers killed.
Trillions of dollars wasted.
The whole Middle East destabilized the invention of ISIS.
All that.
That's a win.
I would hate to see what a loss looks like in his book.
That's a win to him.
I think even a lot of Republicans today don't believe that.
Things are better now.
You heard that the nominee for the Republican nomination for president was on stage in South Carolina and said that war was a lie.
You destabilized the Middle East.
You wrecked it for everything.
You screwed up.
Even the Republicans in America don't believe that anymore.
Here's this guy.
That's what you're saying, right?
Yeah.
This is amazing.
How could he still be peddling that bullshit?
I believe I made the right decision.
Proving that hindsight is 2020.
Many people can disagree within that separate.
Many people could disagree.
That's their prerogative.
Some people say two plus two is five.
That's your prerogative.
But as this report makes clear, and it does, when you go through the port, there were no lies.
There was no deceit.
There was no deception, but there was a decision.
Again, he's still lying.
He's still lying.
That's not what the report says at all.
In fact, it says the opposite.
And they castigated the intelligence people for not raising for not protesting when you lied about the intelligence they gave you in the report.
The only thing Tony Blair did that makes sense as someone who's in denial about destroying people's lives is he became Catholic.
That would be the only thing.
More terrify.
What's more terrifying than terrorism than a guy who committed the biggest act of terrorism in the last 20 years and still thinks it's the right thing?
What's scarier than that?
Anyway, he's got more.
And it was a controversial decision.
A decision to remove Saddam and a decision to be with America.
Now, many people would disagree with both of those decisions.
Sir John Chilcock came quite close to it this morning.
That's fine, but if you're going to do that, you have to say what the consequences of the opposite decision would have been.
Do you hear him?
See, he did the tough thing.
This, again, is such a self-serving baby.
This is such garbage.
You've got to be willing to say what would have happened if we didn't take Saddam out.
I'll tell you what would have happened.
Nothing.
Nothing would have happened.
He didn't have weapons of mass destruction.
You war criminal.
He didn't have any.
You've got to be willing to say what would have happened.
I'll tell you what would have happened.
Nothing.
Well, he would have gotten the cold shoulder from George W. Yes.
I mean, boy, he must have been a charming guy.
George W. Yeah, what the hell is it with Brits?
Are they just bowled over by the Texas two-step or some shit like that?
I think Tony Blair is just a puke.
I just think he's a puke.
He's a war criminal.
He still can't admit it.
He's still saying, let's do it again.
I do it again.
What kind of a kind of a criminally insane war criminal maniac is this guy?
And that's not hyperbole.
That's literally what he is.
I'd be interested to know what kind of pressure.
But obviously, there was pressure that the Bush administration put on him.
Yeah.
I mean, what really was said.
But what I'm saying is, this guy, nobody says this guy's, nobody's going, he should be in a straitjacket.
He should be.
This is considered reasonable political discourse, what he's doing.
Still defending war, defending illegal wars, which are war crimes.
Still defending it.
Said he'd do it again.
Well, you have Hillary Clinton supporters saying that it wasn't an illegal war, that she never voted, actually voted for the war.
You know, all these, this parsing and this lawyerizing.
Yeah.
And so how are we supposed to react when Trump comes along when this is okay?
So it's okay to be a war criminal, but somehow you can't be mean, being racist is bad, but killing people is okay.
Literally.
And then lying about it for decades after, still keeps lying.
Let's see what else.
Because the point about being prime minister is you're the decision maker.
You sit in the seat and take the decision.
And your obligation to the country is to take it as you believe.
No, you didn't.
You don't take the decision.
The dead people in Iraq take the decision, Tony.
You don't take the decision.
The dead babies, the dead women, the dead children.
They take the decision.
The dead soldiers that you sent to fight for this illegal war, they take the decision.
Not you, Tony.
You're still sleeping in four-star hotels eating at four-star restaurants.
You're still flying first class.
You don't take the decision.
You give the decision.
You impose the decision.
You don't take the decision.
This crap about somehow he's trying to puff himself up like he did some courageous thing.
You didn't do, you know what you did?
You started an illegal war because you're a war criminal.
That's not courageous.
That's the opposite.
This is the kind of speech, you know, a football coach gives after a shitty season.
Yes.
To be.
And all of this stuff about lies and deceit, it's all a way of getting us to obscure what is the essence of the question.
At that time, in March 2003, was that the right decision?
And now, as we look back on it, 13 years later, would it have been better if we'd taken the opposite decision?
Yes!
He actually gets still a question.
It's still Gray Erie.
I don't know.
ISIS, the stabilization of the Middle East.
Hundreds of thousands of people dead, trillions of dollars.
I don't know.
What would have been the consequences of that opposite decision?
If you can't answer that question.
I can't answer it.
Everyone can answer it.
Why are you again?
He's inventing this pretend scenario that it's still a debate, just like climate change, still a debate.
It's not a debate.
And this report ends the debate, Tony, but he's still doing it and he's not in prison.
Then you're a commentator and not a decision maker.
So I had to take the decision.
You don't know, again.
You know, sometimes when people talk about this and talk about me in this regard, as if I don't, obviously if I don't care about the loss of life or the grief and suffering of the families, not just the families of our armed forces, but the families of all those who have died in Iraq since 2003.
But I had to decide.
You don't.
If you felt a smidgen, a smidgen of culpability for what you did, you'd kill yourself.
If you felt a smidgen, you wouldn't be able to stand up there today and keep defending it.
You liar.
Are more people going to suffer?
Are more people going to die if we leave this brutal dictator in place who'd already killed so many people?
See, there, he's the murderer.
Saddam Hussein's the bad guy, not us.
The people who lied everybody into a war that killed hundreds of thousands of people.
It's that guy's the bad guy.
This is mind-blowing, right?
Yes.
It's Freudian.
This is like he's unloading, unleashing himself to his therapist who's just nodding politely.
Yeah.
And prescribing Xanax and whatever.
This is like a guy covered in bee stings.
Would it have been better if I didn't poke the nest?
If I didn't throw rocks at the nest.
I don't know the answer to that question.
You don't know.
Leave it alone.
It wasn't good, but you made it so much worse.
He belongs in jail.
We couldn't allow that beehive to be there any longer.
I mean, does bees have already killed so many flowers.
Yeah.
That's the decision, I'm afraid.
That is the decision I'm afraid.
Here's how the papers are reacting to it.
A monster of delusion, says the Daily Mail.
Weapon of mass deceptions.
There's a lot of people.
I'll be with you, whatever.
That's what they say at the mirror.
Sounds like a great song, by the way.
I make the same decision.
Blair's private war.
They're giving it to him.
And he just gotta keep going.
Even it's unbelievable.
You know, when you discuss this, I was reading one blurb where they highlight that it says that ultimately that we have concluded that the UK chose to join the invasion of Iraq before peaceful options for disarmament had been exhausted.
Military action at that time was not a last resort.
So, you know, that's he doesn't even acknowledge that.
He doesn't even acknowledge the process.
He doesn't even acknowledge like misgivings about what they intended.
He is just digging his heels in and saying, it was a hard decision.
Yes, but I was the one who made it.
Yeah, but I made it.
First of all, it doesn't look like it was a hard decision.
It looks like you couldn't wait.
It looks like he didn't make the decision, but Bush and Cheney did.
And he said, okay.
500,000 dead Iraqi civilians.
They're just commentators.
They're just commentators.
They're not decision makers.
They're not decision makers.
But really, nothing in the Middle East at all was affected by it.
Where we are now, nothing.
ISIS, ISIL, whatever you want to call it.
Let's call the whole thing off.
So, okay, I've one more.
I have another video of Tony Blair.
This was in his response to the Chilcot report, which said that he misled his country into a war on purpose.
And he was grossly, you know, he's responsible, right?
And he lied about things and he said the opposite of what his intelligence people had said.
So he misled everybody.
And he's not backing off.
But so here I'm going to play a little bit of it.
He has a little bit more to say.
First, he talks about the UN.
Because by the way, if you remember, the UN said no, you can't go into Iraq.
They said, remember, they tried to hold, and they said no.
So that means when you go into Iraq, that's a war of aggression.
That's a war crime.
That's a war of aggression.
That's a war crime.
And you know why Tony Blair and George Bush and Dick Cheney and Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice aren't at the Hague?
Because they won.
Because they're the winners.
If you start a war of aggression and you win, there's nobody to hold you accountable.
So what's happening in America on a small scale of two-tier justice system, we're all watching it happen, is also happening over across the pond on a bigger scale, even.
So here's what Tony.
So here's what he had to say about the UN.
Let's listen to this.
This is big.
He thought about this for a long time.
That's what he thought.
We can all agree in principle the UN is the right body to decide issues of international policy, including the justification for the use of force.
Oh, we can all agree that the UN is the right body, except when they don't give you the decision you want and say you can't go invade a country, except then.
But the reality is the UN is gridlocked effectively with Russia and USA regularly on different sides on similar issues.
See, I agree the UN should make the decision, but they're deadlocked.
So I had to go ahead and do it myself and start murdering people in Iraq.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Because I had to, hey, look, I know better than the UN.
They're gridlocked.
So I just said, ah, I get it.
But I'm going to go ahead with George Bush and Dick Cheney and slaughter a bunch of Iraqis for oil.
Because the UN, they're gridlocked.
This is fucking.
How can the UN be reformed?
How can a clearer set of rules be agreed with a group?
How can we reform the UN?
The UN doesn't need reforming.
They're the ones who said don't go into Iraq.
He starts pointing fingers everywhere.
Everything else is messed up, except him.
50, we must understand the true nature of the threat we face.
Okay, this is the part that kind of turns my stomach.
So, oh, just getting to the good part.
Actually, it's kind of this whole thing is mind-blowing.
But listen, to hear, I'm going to include that in this week's podcast.
I mean, premium episode, I will include the part that turns my stomach the most about Tony Blair.
And it goes on for another 10 minutes at least.
Tony and Blair, huh?
What a son of a gun.
Anyway, so please do that.
Also, Barack Obama called me, and I didn't have time to get to that in today's podcast.
He has a conversation with Steph.
Barack calls up.
They have a little conversation.
And that's all available in this week's premium content.
And how do I get the premium?
Goddad, Jimmy.
Well, first of all, it's only $5.
That's like a nickel a day.
It's a great five bucks a month.
That is nothing.
So that's a great way to help support the show.
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, click join premium.
You make your donation.
If you pay for the whole year at once, what happens?
We give you a month-free.
That's right.
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Oh my gosh.
How are we doing it?
How do we do it?
The answer is strictly volume.
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And even to the people who are stealing the premium, that does still make me feel good that you'd want to, you like my lefty liberal point of view so much.
You want to, it would make you commit theft.
That's okay.
That's all right.
Hey, by the way, I think I mentioned it before Sunday.
I'm doing a special show for the ACLU at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank.
So if you're around, go there.
It's Sunday.
It's an early show.
It's like five or six o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not so sure.
You know, I'm a nightclub performer.
So anything that starts before eight is iffy with me.
So that's this Sunday, the, what is it, whatever the date is.
Today's the eighth.
So I'm going to guess it's the 10th.
Okay.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Coniff, Mike McRae, Mark Van Landewitt, Jim Earl, Steph Zamborano.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Dorr saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out.
do not.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not getting it.
Not freak out.
I'm not giving you.
I'm not giving you.
Not freak out.
I'm not giving you.
Not freak out.
You are now now rocking with that that's don't duck the ducks of the donkey.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Here we go.
Do not freak out.
I'm not getting it.
I'm not, I'm not Not freak out Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
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