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April 30, 2016 - Jimmy Dore Show
58:35
20160430_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_4-29-16
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
*phone rings* Cool.
Hey, hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Who now is this?
This is Jimmy Door.
Who's calling?
Call him.
I call for no one.
Revere yourself or prepare to suffer the consequences.
I said who I am.
Is this a break?
I reckon a duel will settle this particular matter with the plum.
Look, sir, you called me.
Etiquette dictates that I say hello, then you identify yourself.
Is that so?
Well, I've never been one to eschew etiquette out of spitefulness.
I apologize.
These new contraptions are but a recent revelation to me.
This is the ghost of Andrew Jackson.
What?
The Andrew Jackson?
Victor of the Battle of New Orleans, seventh president of this Democratic Republic, liberator of the Floridas, vanquisher of the Seminole Nation, husband, dear Rachel, and frontier gentleman par excellence, General Andrew Jackson.
That's a service.
Wow.
Well, how are you, Mr. President?
I'm dead.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So why exactly are you calling me today?
Well, yeah, I'm a comedian.
I've got a joke.
Okay, let's hear it.
What's long, red, and mostly dead?
Uh, I don't know.
The Trail of Tears.
Oh, Hickory.
Oh, good Lord, President Jackson.
That is terrible.
Now, I would be remiss here in my duties if I were to fail to warn you that my sense of humor is not politically correct.
My comedy is all correct.
Okay.
Okay.
And I've got scores of them.
Yeah, well, I don't think we need to really.
Stop me if you've heard this one.
So John Quincy Adams, Henry Clay, and Tauncey Carl Hugh walk into a bar.
They sit down and they say, barkeep, we'll take three of your finest Spanish Madeiras.
And the bartender says, you'll get nothing by my hand, you traitors and backstabbers.
Now get on out of here, you nest of vipers, before I turn the head of all three of you.
Because that tavern keeper was a righteous man and a patriot.
Oh, Hickory.
Okay.
You know, I'm not sure I get that one.
I'm sure it killed the clubs in the 1830s.
Listen, anyway, I have to ask, why are you calling?
I'm calling, as you say, to discuss my unceremonious removal from the front of the $20 bill.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.
You're being replaced with Harriet Tubman.
I think a lot of people are rather pleased with that development, actually.
Is that so?
Well, a lot of people are rats who need to be set ablaze and swept off the deck of the ship.
Well, times certainly have changed, Mr. President.
Oh, have they now?
So much so that a dead president can be forcibly removed from his currency homeland by the whim of a mob?
To be forced by the government to live in obscurity and squalor on the reverse of a $20 bill?
Uh, yes, absolutely.
Yes.
Well, by what conflagration of impassioned panic have I been chosen above all others to be so rudely dispatched?
Why do my fellow commanders in chief remain on their monies?
Well, you were a slave owner.
Well, so was Jefferson.
So if I'd raped my slaves, I'd get to stay.
Uh, he's on the $2 bill, and nothing costs $2 anymore.
My day $2 would purchase you an entire harem of Chickasaw Quinny.
Oh, okay.
See, this is exactly the kind of thing that...
Yeah, you know, I vaguely remember it from high school.
Yes, I do.
Well, it was a thing.
And if you have your own kind of democracy named after you, you get to be on U.S. money.
That's a rule.
You, Jimmy Doar, rail against big banks.
I was leading a charge against the banking interests before your ancestors had fully evolved into Homo sapiens in some thatched Hutton County carry.
Unlike that Bean Pole Lincoln, I kept this nation together when the powermongers of South Carolina threatened nullification and secession.
I made sure the common man had a vote and a voice in his government, much to the chagrin of the Whig elites who wanted their hands aloft on our great nation's pillar.
And I worked tirelessly to extirpate the Indian threat from the white settlements of this continent.
Okay, now see that last part there?
That's a problem.
Problem?
Yeah, that's your racist legacy that most progressives in this country don't feel is fit to celebrate.
Let me ask you a question.
When was the last time your homestead was attacked by engines?
You know, I don't think it's ever happened.
You're welcome.
Oh, listen.
Okay, well, that's not exactly how we look at things in 2016, Mr. President.
Oh, well, so you would welcome an engine attack.
Just roll over and let them burn down your house and throw your dog in a river.
Okay, look, I see what you're doing here.
Nice try.
You're trying to get me to see your side of things.
And in your day, American expansionism created externalities that had devastating impacts on Native people of North America.
Even though they in 2016 remain effectively decimated and marginalized, that process of American expansion has continued along with its violent and unjust externalities.
However, its victims now are just different brown people around the world.
And blowback takes the form of international terrorism and violent extremism.
The difference between you and modern, sensible Americans is that we don't look for solutions to problems in hatred and genocide.
I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
Oh, okay.
Then I'll simplify it for you.
You're a violent, war-mongering, semi-literate frontiersman who is responsible for the massacre and death of thousands of people.
Get off our money.
Get off our money.
We're listening to you.
I hear something very familiar on that voice of yours.
A rage.
A temper.
A Celtic instability.
We ain't that different, you and me.
I bet when you feel challenged, you feel a prairie fire of anger burn clear across over your scalp.
Oh, okay, stop.
You find it hard to control your passions.
You're quick to a fight.
You feel a surge of euphoria when you sense that your opponent has recoiled in fear from your anger.
I'm not listening to this.
Well, I'm alike Jimmy Door.
And believe you me, if you had grown up in the wax halls like I did on the southern frontier during the revolution and seen what I seen, you would have been capable of everything I did and more.
Whether you like it or not, when you're looking at a $20 bill, you're looking into a mirror.
No, no.
Search your feelings.
You know it to be true.
Oh my God, Mr. President, you are the devil.
No.
But I am joining him for dinner tonight.
I'll send your regards.
I'll send your regards.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
The show for people that are.
Combined me on Tearing Down Our Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say...
It's hard to talk when you keep that in mind.
And now, here's a guy who sounds...
A lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I am joined in the studio.
You can't see them.
So from the miserable liberal blog, it's our resident Latina, Steph Zamorano.
Hey, Steph, how are you?
I'm great.
I'm still here, Jimmy.
All right.
Also with us in the studio, resident Japanese man, hilarious comedian Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you?
Ohio.
Ohio is how we say hello in Japanland.
Also with us, comedian, hilarious comedian Hank Thompson, the smoothest bald head in the business.
How are you, Hank?
Hey, Jimmy, it's also the most symmetrical.
Symmetrical.
That's what I'm talking about.
Sexy baldness.
Let's get to the that's what's called.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Did you hear Trump's new handlers say that Trump, that's not really who he really is this last couple of months.
He's just projecting an image.
That's what his new handlers have said.
You've heard this, right?
That you've heard it in the news, right?
So, so, so let me get this straight.
Trump is really just a pathological liar who is only pretending to be a racist sexist piece of shit.
Now, that's what I call presidential.
Hey, did you hear that Ted Cruz, John Kasich teaming up to beat Trump?
That's right.
Did you hear Larry and Curly are teaming up to deny Mo the GOP nomination?
Turns out.
Yeah.
I think their new campaign slogan is going to be Cruz Kasich.
Too little, too late.
Yes, the Ted Cruz-John Kasich alliance is the biggest threat to Trump since Chris Christie teamed up against him.
Better watch out.
I think we all get that joke, don't we?
The large back.
You know, Republicans are in disarray.
They need to find their way back to the days when their most powerful party leader was a pedophile rapist.
Remember all those years under Denny Haster?
That's right.
Hey, Cruz picked Carly Fiorina, by the way, as his running, as his running mate.
And I think that's what you call a fail merry pass.
Super desperate.
Hey, did you hear everybody's touting Trump's foreign policy speech?
I decided to build a wall around Trump's foreign policy speech.
You know, Trump is often called the anti-establishment.
Anti-establishment.
Donald Trump.
They call him anti-establishment.
I guess if the establishment are people who respect women and don't retweet white supremacists, you know, all those outsider billionaires.
The outsider billionaires.
Outsider white billionaires.
Okay, so what's coming up on today's show?
We got a lot coming up on today's show.
Senator from Pennsylvania sings a song for Hillary Clinton.
A little bit awkward.
Also, Hillary Clinton won big in the Tuesday night primaries.
We're going to talk a little bit about that and her victory speech.
That's what we're going to talk about.
Get ready.
Get ready for four years.
So get ready.
Also, also, guess what?
Former Speaker of the House for the Republicans, Denny Haster, goes down, gets sentenced for being a serial molester of the party of family values.
We're going to take a look at the party of family values coming forward.
Also, we're going to talk about Social Security and fracking.
Hey, what's fracking so whacking for?
They got a new cool guy doing some pro-fracking videos that might have played in front of this video.
We're going to break down those pro-fracking videos on the show today.
Also, we got phone calls today from John Boehner.
Bernie Sanders calls in, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
So guess what?
Former Speaker of the House, Denny Hassert, got caught being a serial molester.
Not a big deal.
Anyway, to be fair, he didn't get caught being a serial molester.
He got paid off framing one of his victims.
He got caught framing.
Yeah, caught framing one of his victims for extortion.
Yeah.
So a little, you know, semantics.
So let's start at the beginning because this is what's fun is that in the Republicans teamed up with God when Ronald Reagan became president, right?
All of a sudden, God's their champion.
And they're in bed with the religious right and their family value, all family values, family values.
And they have all these douchebag organizations focus on the family, the moral majority, family, family, moral.
And they're all full of.
And you know it, and I know it.
And here's proof, right?
They also waged the drug on war on drugs, which I think put some penalties in place that make it much bigger deal to carry an ounce of cocaine than rape a woman.
I'm pretty sure you're right about that.
Okay.
So here's a little, here's what kind of stuff did the Republicans used to say?
So this is what Newt Gingrich said in 1992 at the Republican convention.
He said, Woody Allen having non-incest with a non-daughter to whom he was a non-father because they were a non-family fits the Democratic platform perfectly.
That was said by thrice divorced Newt Gingrich.
Wasn't thrice divorced at the time.
He is now.
By the way, Newt Gingrich having an affair at the same time pushing for impeachment of Bill Clinton over a BJ.
So that happened.
So that's the kind of stuff they used to do all the time.
And then Newt Gingrich went on to get divorced and married three times, married three times, and was having an affair.
In fact, even gave the divorce papers to his wife.
This has been confirmed when she was in the recovering room after cancer surgery.
Yeah.
So that's the kind of family values Newt Gingrich had.
He had to resign.
They replaced Newt Gingrich with this guy, Bob Livingston.
Remember this guy, right?
So he was Speaker of the House for like five seconds.
He looks nice.
In 1998, they had to get rid of, they got rid of Newt Gingrich, replacing with this guy.
He had to resign because Hustler magazine found out that he had some affairs of his own.
No.
And on the day that Congress voted to impeach Bill Clinton over the he had to also resign that day, he had to resign.
He had to resign as Speaker of the House because of that.
Larry Flint said, hey, I'll pay a million dollars to anybody who has information that has Republican.
Boom.
Four women came out of the woodwork.
He resigned immediately after the first one came up.
Now he gets, so this is the party of family values.
At the time, they're impeaching Bill Clinton, you know, the heathen Democrat.
And then he was replaced by, who was he replaced by Robert?
So he resigned from the Speaker of the House.
The next year he quit the Congress and he got replaced by, are you ready for this?
Oh, he got replaced by David Vitter.
Oh, David.
Now, if you don't, David Vitter had to drop out of his run for governor in 2002 because, well, it turned out he was on the list of a prostitution rig.
Huh.
Oh, yeah.
It turns out he liked to wear diapers.
Turns out that's an unconfirmed story.
He used to wear diapers when he was with the hookers.
Unconfirmed.
To be fair, diapers are pretty comfortable.
Diapers are comfortable.
And there's plenty of times when I was driving home in traffic.
I wish I was wearing one.
I just like the feel of good nice cotton.
Me too.
Who doesn't?
It's the touch the field.
So that was, so that's the party of family values.
He was welcomed on the Senate floor after that whole scandal came out to raucous applause from all of his Republican buddies.
So this is the party of family values, all right?
So that guy replaced that this guy with the diapers and the hookers replaced this guy who got caught with the on the thing on the day they impeached Bill voted to impeach Bill Clinton.
Oh, I'm sorry, this guy.
And then this guy who is not a guy, this is Newt Gingrich, his quote.
And then, of course, he's thrice to vote.
This is the party of family values.
This is one position, Speaker of the House.
This is the one position, Speaker of the House.
I'm getting the feeling that family values really just means they're the party of, I like fucking.
Yes, they are.
So from David Vitter, so now.
Which, by the way, why haven't the Democrats just come out with that?
Why isn't that their slogan?
We would win every single election forever.
Because they are bad at messaging.
Just so guess what?
So after this guy, so after this guy quit the speakership, they then put in Denny Hastert.
Denny Hastert gave a famous speech to impeach Bill Clinton, and here's how it goes.
Here's how his speech went.
Remember, here we go.
According to Alexander Hamilton and Federal 65, impeachment concerns offenses which proceed from the misconduct of public men.
Or in other words, from the abuse of violation of some public trust.
The evidence in President Clinton's case is overwhelming that he has abused and violated the public trust.
Wow.
So he's upset about violating the public trust.
Oh, what's this headline?
Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert sentenced Wednesday to 15 months in jail for bank fraud charges after he admitted he had sexually abused students while working at a high school decades ago.
Boy, I tell you what, though, it's sure test-tist-tisk if Bill Clinton has a sexual relationship with another consenting adult.
So by the way.
It's fair.
Dennis Haster didn't bugger any children while in office.
Not that we know of.
He just did it when he was taking care of children under his care at a high school.
He's the authority figure over them.
Yes.
But he didn't do it while a congressman.
He wasn't like Mark Foley.
No, no.
He said Dennis Haster said in court that he had quote unquote mistreated his students.
He said mistreated.
And he said, I'm deeply ashamed to be standing here today, adding that he is getting professional help.
74.
He's a little late.
He's ashamed that he got caught.
Again, he's ashamed that he got caught.
So he had to, 15 months, he gets sentenced for 15 months and a $250,000 fine.
And he must attend sex offender treatment and will not be allowed to contact his alleged victims.
And the reason why he's only being charged with the bank fraud is because the statute of limitations have lapsed.
So there you go.
And the banking charges carry a maximum sentence of five years.
My favorite part about this story was a number of Republicans who urged the judge to go easy on Mr. Haster.
But here's why that's extra ironic.
You are correct, Robert, that a lot of high-ranking Republicans wrote to the court saying what a great guy Dennis Haster was.
And the judge kept referring to Dennis Hassard in his ruling.
Judge Thomas Durkin referred to him several times as a serial child molester.
I love Dirk and Pickles, don't you?
Serial child molester.
This is the party of family values, the Republican Party.
So that's just one position in government, the Speaker of the House, thrice divorced, cheating on his wife, giving divorce papers to one of his ex-wives while she's in the cancer recovery room right in front of his kids.
Another one gets caught cheating on his wife, has to resign.
The guy who takes that guy's seat gets caught with the Washington, D.C. Madams prostitution ring.
Now the next guy that has to fill in for him is a serial child molester.
This is the party of family values.
This is what all that Jesus does for them.
And then wasn't Denny Hassard, wasn't Tom DeLay followed?
Is that who followed him?
No, no, Tom DeLay, no.
Who was the next?
He was the leader.
He was never speaker of the house.
He was the leader.
Oh, Tom DeLay.
Tom DeLay also indicted.
Yeah.
So here's what makes this ironic that Denny Haster got this light slap on the wrist.
Was Denny Hassard himself advocated for tougher sentences for child molesters.
In fact, he said it is important to have a national notification system to help safely recover children kidnapped by child predators.
He went on to say, but it is equally important to stop those predators before they strike, to put repeat child molesters into jail for the rest of their lives and to help law enforcement with the tools they need to get the job done.
Well, when it's somebody else molesting and being a predator, when it's someone else, they need to go to jail for the rest of their lives.
When it's Denny Haster, hey, how about I'm sick?
I'm old, 15 months.
Why should I care that he's old?
Have a little bit of a double.
Why should I care that he's not healthy?
Have a little bit of a damage.
How many lives did this man destroy?
At least five.
How ironic.
And that was just in 2007, by the way, that he championed tougher punishment for child predators.
There's your, there's, first of all, there's your party of family values.
There's your Republican Party of Valmy Values.
Also, that's your two-tiered justice system.
Hey, Barack Obama thinks he's above the law.
How long have I heard that for eight years?
He's a dickhead, doesn't follow.
He's breaking the law, doesn't follow up.
Oh, but when these guys do it, give him a couple of months in a retirement home.
Who cares?
Come on, he's all right.
He's a good guy.
He just molested kids when he was a wrestling coach.
And by the way, a lot of people don't know this.
I used to wrestle in high school, not very long, usually just until I came.
If I could have controlled my orgasm, I could have gone to state.
Man, did my dad hate Saturdays?
My opponents are like, what's wrong with you?
I'm like, look what you're wearing.
What are you wearing?
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Maiter.
Oh, my God.
Hello, Mr. Speaker.
Who's this?
It's Jimmy Dore.
You called me, Mr. Speaker.
I'm not, Mr. Speaker.
I'm Maider.
Where are you calling from, Mr. Speaker?
I have no idea, man.
Everyone is asleep, although I'm pretty sure that one chick in the corner is dead.
Also, I think the walls might be melting.
So if you send someone to get me, tell them to go to the place with the melty walls.
Okay, are you on something, Mr. Speaker?
I am on everything, man.
I got good health care bennies, but I'm never going to run for office again.
The day I left Congress, I took three hits of orange sunshine, put a couple of quarts of Johnny Walker in my briefcase, and headed for the open road.
I've now transcended time and space in a sense that I don't know where I am or what day it is.
It's April 27th, sir.
Year, please.
It's 2016.
It's still only 2016.
That means I can still save Christmas.
Mr. Speaker, I mean, please, please call me Johnny.
You know, I'd really rather not.
Or my new nickname, Johnny Two-Toads.
Those two-toads being pumpkin orange and sort of an ashen white.
You know, I really prefer to call people by their proper title.
Suit yourself, Mary Manders.
Tell you what, call me, Mr. Speaker, after you're done rubbing ointment on your vagina.
Okay, well, since I've got you on the line, I might as well ask you about the presidential race.
Look, Todd.
It's Jimmy.
It's not Todd.
Jimmy Conn?
I love you in Alien Nation.
No, no, Jimmy Dore.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Oh, were you in any movies I loved?
No, no.
You were saying something.
Yes.
Look, Todd, I have not listened to, read, or heard the news in six months, man.
The only news I could tell you about is a series of liquor store robberies pulled off by an orange man with piercing blue eyes.
What?
What liquor store robberies?
Liquor store robberies?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
I want a lawyer.
Well, I don't know if you know this, Mr. Speaker, but as but as of right now, it looks like the Republican nominee for president is going to be Donald Trump.
I'm sorry, what?
I thought you said Donald Trump is going to be the GOP nominee.
That's exactly what I said.
Jesus, how many drugs did I take?
You're not punking me?
You said Donald Trump?
Yes.
We're talking about the same guy with the TV show and the Latvian hooker wife and the line of packy meds jewelry.
Yeah, that's him.
Well, is there anyone left in the race besides him?
Well, there are only two others left.
There's John Kasich.
Holy shit.
Captain Folksy fought boring is still in it.
That guy is a human test pattern who hates gay people.
The Democrats could run an inanimate object against him and still win an LAD slide.
And guess what?
Then there's Ted Cruz.
What the fuck?
There's no way.
Wait a second.
I see what's happening here.
Look, Todd, I'm not supposed to be here.
Is there any way you could help me get back to my own dimension?
Like, is there a portal through a mirror or something?
Mr. Speaker, this is what's really happening.
You're not in a parallel dimension and you're not dreaming.
Well, now that you say that, it all makes sense.
That's why I did all those drugs.
And I remember thinking, this is the way the country is heading.
I'd better medicate myself into oblivion and stop believing in things.
I hear you, Mr. Speaker.
I hear you.
Well, is there anything else I should know about what's happening?
Well, you might be interested to know that one of your predecessors, Danny Hassard, is going to jail for boybuggering.
You knew about that?
Everyone knew about that, man.
That guy all but showed up to Congress with a kid stuck to his dick.
Ah, then why didn't you do anything about it?
Jesus Christ, Philomena.
You want to win?
Or do you want kids to go unmolested?
Because you can't have both.
Just ask Penn State or the Catholic Church or that Papa Johns guy.
He looks pretty molesty to me.
Oh, my God.
All right, look, Todd, I got to go.
The guy with the zipper mask just woke up, and now he's coming at me with a machete.
Okay, Mr. Speaker.
I don't have any stuff left, Mongo.
Mongo, stay.
Mongo, no.
you you You know, we started the Jimmy Dore show five, six, seven years ago.
And the whole idea was we were sick and tired of the corporate media.
Couldn't take it anymore.
And we had to say something.
You know, like all comedians, good comedy is when you have something inside of you, you just have to get it out.
And that's what happened.
And that's how the Jimmy Dore show started.
And it turned out there's lots of people who felt just like I did.
And there's lots of people who found the show.
And it's been a great, it's been a great thing.
And right now it's time for us to grow.
And so we're doing our crowdfunding Indiegogo campaign right now.
It's on in full swing.
And we're growing.
We're going video.
We're bringing the show to many more people.
We're adding about a thousand subscribers a day.
And so it's nice to know that the Jimmy Door show is connecting with other progressives in the media landscape.
And if you want to do your part, you know, if everybody who listened to the show donated $1, we could have this thing over tomorrow.
So go ahead.
There's a $5 donation button over there.
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We got great thank you gifts.
We got great thank you gifts.
We got the don't freak out t-shirts.
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There's lots of stuff, a lot of thank you gifts for you helping support the show grow.
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All right.
There it is.
And thank you for your support.
Thanks for everybody who's already donated.
Now let's get back to the second half of the show.
So I don't know if you noticed before some of my videos here on YouTube, they play a fracking commercial that's called Frack is Whack.
So let me just say a few words.
Hydraulic fracking, if you don't know, it's the process of drilling and injecting thousands, millions of gallons of chemical fluid into the ground at high pressure so as to fracture the rock to release fuel.
Seriously, what could go wrong?
What's in fracking fluid?
First of all, it takes a million gallons of water per fracking well.
Just keep that in mind.
Also, they have to put other stuff in it, which fracking fluid consists of known toxins such as lead, radioactive uranium, hydrochloric acid, formaldehyde, methanol, and Diet Dr. Pepper.
Dangerous.
Among other carcinogens.
Also, remember that the process of fracking unleashes a lot of radioactive material in and of itself.
In and of itself, you are correct.
So during the process, methane, gas, and the toxic chemical contaminates the groundwater, creating respiratory and neurological damage to people who drink the water, which thus produces more voters who are against regulation.
See, you get the bad chemicals and you're a neurological problem, vote against my own interests.
Silver lining.
So just remember, one of the purposes of a government is to protect its citizens, be those threats, military, corporate, or environmental.
But with a political system so corrupted by money that the government is more interested in protecting those with money than those without money.
So, well, let me just say, I hope you enjoy a little lead with your iced tea.
So it's hard to get the public comfortable with injecting high-pressure chemicals to rupture natural gas out of the earth.
So thankfully, our fracking friends put together this YouTube cartoon advertisement, and it starts like this.
Top five reasons fracking regulations are whack.
Hey, kids, just want to talk to you about some real deal stuff.
I like it.
They got the dude, brah.
Hey, the dude, brah, who's narrating this video is telling us that regulating fracking is whack because he, like, I don't know, during an acid rain trip, understood our connection with Mother Nature and the need to jam chemical spurting drills into her.
Dude, it's whack, man.
I took some acid rain and I decided Mother Nature needed to be fracked.
So let's listen to some more of it.
We know the risks behind hydraulic fracturing are real, but rare and outweighed when compared to the potential economic benefits.
Yeah, the potential economic benefits.
Particularly the economic benefits of the fracking company.
So far, Jimmy and Look.
I find this video not only cool, but groovy.
Because fracking regulations are whack.
It's totes groove.
It's not fracking that's whack.
It's fracking regulations that are whack.
Yeah, why are you harshing our buzz?
Yeah, don't parse my mellow.
Here we go.
Really reaching the top five reasons.
Fracking regulations are whack.
We know the risks behind hydraulic fracturing.
But rare and outweighed when compared to economic benefits.
Rare.
Rare, they're not rare.
Right.
In fact, the fracking industry admits that 5% of all their wells leak immediately.
You know, earthquakes.
That's what they're saying.
So I'm going to say, I'm going to take that number and multiply it by a thousand.
Go ahead.
Earthquakes used to be rare.
Used to be rare.
Now they're common.
Oklahoma had like one earthquake in 50 years.
Now they've, and then in one year, they had like dozens or hundreds.
Earthquakes.
Earthquakes in Oklahoma.
Okay, here we go.
Some state and local governments focus on start to finish regulations like permitting, disclosure, and production requirements.
Beginning with site selection and continuing through well abatement, other states and localities enforce outright bans.
Both have major downsides.
Really?
Both have major downsides.
For who do they have the downsides for?
The people who want to drink water or for the fracking company who wants to extract profits from our natural resources while injecting chemicals into the ground that poison everybody.
But those people don't get fracking.
They don't get to go fracking.
They don't get to go fracking.
Oh.
Okay, here we go.
Number five.
Government agencies do not directly bear the cost of regulations.
They shouldn't bear the cost either.
No, they shouldn't.
The company poisoning the water should bear the cost.
Who bears those costs?
Hang on.
He's going to tell us.
Frack whack guy.
The fracking, brah.
Consequently, they often overestimate the cost and underestimate the benefits.
Number four.
Yes, consumers, consumers bear the costs, which is, you know, consumers bearing the cost.
That's cheaper than finding treatment for your kids suffering from a neurological degeneration.
They're going to, there we go.
Regulatory agencies are susceptible to capture by special entries, both industry or environmental groups.
Special, and did you hear what he said?
They're captured.
They're susceptible to capture by special interests.
So this is what he, by special interests, he means environmentalists who don't want drinking water poisoned by a company making lots of money cracking the earth open.
Those are called special interests to the fracking industry.
People who don't want to pollute the groundwater are special interests.
You know, those toddlers whose brains are still developing, they're susceptible to pollution, those special interests.
Well, that's part of the entire Republican bizarre conspiracy theory that there is some great environmental conspiracy, which is the craziest part of the Republican.
Yeah.
And it's not half the, it's not half the scientists that go into environmental science.
It's 99% of them.
They're all money grubbers who don't care about science.
They don't care.
That's why I love SE Cup.
She's an atheist who also doesn't believe in science.
Wow.
Wow.
She doesn't believe in climate change.
So here we go.
By the way, can I just say most environmental scientists can make a fucking fortune working for energy companies?
Of course.
They choose not to.
Right.
Here we go.
That regulations can be implemented in ways that favor the special interest at the expense of the public good.
Number three, regulations are complex and costly, both for government agencies and the regulated fracturing companies.
Consumers ultimately bear these costs.
Number two.
Consumers.
There you go.
Consumers ultimately bear the cost.
Consumers are going to bear the costs.
If we didn't have to pay for regulations, it'd be cheaper for you.
It'd be cheaper for you.
I do understand that natural gas is already unbelievably cheap and getting cheaper.
Yeah.
We can bear the costs.
We're okay bearing the cost.
By the way, this is after the where did that leak just happen?
The Porter Ranch leak, the biggest leak in the history of leaks.
And that was methane specifically.
Yeah.
Well, and also, I mean, think of all the environmental disasters that have happened in the last few years.
So coal ash spill here, battery, the VP.
I mean, what do you want?
So basically, what they're saying is this whole thing is to try to convince you that the people of America, through their government, trying to regulate the ultra dangerous and toxic practice of fracking is a bad idea.
We don't want to have any government regulations.
That's what this is all about.
Let's play it.
Jimmy, regulations aren't cool.
They are not cool.
They're kind of whack.
They're kind of whack.
You know what's not whack?
What?
My water being on fire.
Yes.
My tap water being on fire.
Okay, here we go.
That's pretty cool.
Regulations limit entry into hydraulic fracturing development.
New competitors have a difficult time entering the market.
Oh, you mean new fracking companies are going to have a hard time getting into fracking?
You know what I say?
That's good.
That's a good thing.
I don't know.
I think a good, I think a Mon Pa shop should open up.
You know, old grandpa wants to take up a second job after he retires.
Startups are doing some fracking.
You know, as I look around the world, Robert, you know what I think we're lacking?
Not enough fracking companies.
Not enough startup fracking companies.
I know a lot of young upstart kids just getting out of college who are like, I want to get into, I want to try a little fracking, a little artisan fracking.
A little artisan fracking.
I've got millions of gallons of hydraulic lead-infused chemicals in a bucket at home.
I could maybe start up my own fracking business.
By the way, my favorite thing about this is in the cartoon, there isn't a residential house.
Anywhere near it.
It's a desolate, anywhere near this.
Increases profits for existing companies and increases the cost of energy to consumers.
And the number one reason fracking regulations are whack.
As long as the companies follow the regulations, they are shielded from liability for human and environmental costs.
Yeah, that's called your corporation.
Wait a minute.
What is he?
They're saying that they're shielded if they follow the rules.
If they follow the rules, you can't sue them because then they say, look, we're following the regulations.
That's why you have regulations.
So you don't need to sue them if they're following the regulations and everything is safe.
You sue them when they break the regulatory.
This is like this is the ultimate jujitsu.
It's like, hey, if you pass regulations that make everything safe, then you won't be able to sue them when people get sick because they can.
But they won't get sick if they're following the regulations.
By the way, I agree with that, though.
The point, that is one of the most infuriating things about our legal system or about our policy system is that we have given the energy industry a pass in the sense that they cannot be sued.
I mean, that's true about, but if they're following regulations, I'm okay with that.
You cannot sue a nuclear.
I'm saying that's why we have, but they're regulated.
I'm saying we need to, if they're following the regulations, okay.
But if they're not, that's when they get in trouble.
Go ahead.
Well, if the regulations actually keep people safe.
Yes, that's why you have regulations.
Yes, absolutely.
And that's why you're supposed to have people in government writing those regulations who aren't giving speeches to the fracking companies.
What are they?
Are they trying to appeal to people who are like, you know, yeah, they got my wife?
Yes.
That's exactly what they're doing.
This is all the confusion.
I think it's called jive talk.
Hey, hey.
So there's a little bit.
There's a little bit more to this.
When fines are levied, they are paid to the government, not to the affected parties.
Markets offer an attractive alternative to bureaucratic regulations.
So this is their pitch to have the industry self-regulated.
And if the industry, if there's no rules, it'll be better for you, the consumer, if there's no rules.
You know, because you know how industries self-regulate?
Well, just look at Wall Street.
You know how they self-regulate it after we got rid of all the regulations?
Look how well, you look how well they self-regulated in the Gulf.
Remember how they got?
Sure.
Remember how BP self-regulated in the Gulf?
Are you crazy?
So this is their point.
They want to somehow convince you that government is just whack, man.
We don't need any, we don't need any oversight.
Let's just let the companies take care of stuff.
We're going to take care of it.
By the way, you could sue us if we don't.
And what is in it for us to not want to regulate?
I mean, you could sue us and all we do is we have billions of dollars in lawyers and you don't have anything.
The fact that they bring up that you can sue us as because right now it's harder for you to sue us if we follow the rules, that they're appealing to that.
You can punish us when we poison you.
And this is a pro-fracking industry produced thing.
So they're acknowledging the inherent horrifying risks involved with this process.
Half the time They are and half the time.
Those risks are so endemic, if that's the right word.
Yes.
Is that they have to put it in their propaganda?
Well, we probably, it's crazy.
We probably have to do fracking because there's no real alternatives.
Yeah, there's no alternatives.
It can be great.
You can't have windmills.
Here we go.
I'm better aligning the benefits and costs of hydraulic fracture.
Functioning markets would also help hold producers more accountable for resources they use, like water, and for the costs they create, like pollution.
For example, if water for hydraulic fracturing is priced too low, it will be wasted.
So let's listen to what he just said.
He's saying that they should let them self-regulate because if there's regulations, they might have the price of water be too low.
And then these companies that we want to have self-regulate will be so freaking irresponsible that they'll waste all the water in California in the middle of a drought.
That's how, so they're too irresponsible.
If it's cheap, the water, they'll just waste it.
This is the logic.
Which, by the way, they actually did.
This is some Ayn Rand kind of nightmare.
This is utopia, which is actually a nightmare.
We know it doesn't work that way.
We already know you don't.
That's why we have regulations.
If businesses could self-regulate, we wouldn't need a government.
We wouldn't need the EPA.
We wouldn't need anything.
We wouldn't need the SEC.
We wouldn't need anything.
We wouldn't need OSHA, but businesses don't.
This is that BS Ayn Rand.
Oh, everybody acts in their own selfishness and it all works out.
Except it doesn't work out.
Look what happened with Wall Street.
Look what happened.
It doesn't work out.
That's why.
Fracking currently is underregulated.
And they have taken tons and tons and tons of water.
There is a town in West Texas that lost all of its water to fracking.
And I would have some sympathy for them if it weren't for the fact that they continue to vote Republican.
Well, that's what I try to tell people.
Get informed and vote correctly.
Fracking regulation is not whack.
Okay.
Okay.
music music So people don't understand climate change.
They still think it's a debate.
Our news media has failed to inform the people about many things, myriad things, climate change being one of them.
In fact, CNN president Jeff Zucker actually even admitted it.
He said this was two years ago.
He said, we haven't figured out how to engage the audience in that story in a meaningful way.
That meaning climate change.
We haven't figured out how to engage the audience in that story in a meaningful way.
When we do do those stories, he said, do do.
When we do do those stories, there does tend to be a tremendous amount of lack of interest on the audience's part, which is just a weird way to say it anyway.
There's a tremendous amount of lack of interest.
It's like there's a tremendous amount of nothing there.
Look at all the nothing.
There's buckets and buckets of nothing.
So that's a weird way to say it.
And I don't know, maybe by the way, we haven't figured out how to engage the audience in that story in a meaningful way.
Hey, you know, news is in the title of your company.
Right?
You know that?
And you just said that out loud.
You do know you just said that.
Climate change, the thing facing the earth.
CNN, one of the ends stands for news.
I know that.
The other end stands for not.
So, and so he said, we can't get him to engage.
Why do you think he can't get him to engage?
Why is it?
Because CNN, along with a lot of the rest of the mainstream news media, presents climate change like this.
Like it's a debate.
They'll bring on somebody like Essie Cup, who's an atheist, right?
So there she is debating him about climate change.
And that's Bill Nye.
So they all often do this.
They'll bring on somebody who doesn't accept science and they'll bring on Bill Nye, the science guy's got science right his fucking name.
And then they'll present it.
You see right there, it says shorter, warmer windows.
New climate change warrants.
So they're debating it.
It's not a debate.
Climate change is only a debate on corporate news, which gets their money from fossil fuel industries.
You couldn't, that's how they go, oh, she says it's not.
He says it is.
Is there really a thing called climate change?
I guess we'll never know because it's still a debate.
You couldn't report the sports that way.
You couldn't say, hey, the Cubs played the Dodgers yesterday.
Dodgers said they won 4-3.
Cubs said they won 4-3.
Who really won?
I guess we'll never know.
But thanks for the debate.
So Media Matters did a little study.
They came out with a study that said that CNN actually runs way more commercials for fossil fuel industries than they do spend time covering climate change.
Isn't that interesting?
So they're giving you commercials for oil companies and fracking and not giving you any coverage on the effects of those things.
Hmm.
Kind of sounds like the opposite of a news organization, doesn't it?
Kind of sounds like a PR firm for oil companies.
That's what it sounds like.
That's what CNN pretty much is.
Jeff Zucker kind of admitted it.
And we should note this year has been one of the worst years for global warming.
Well, global temperatures have gone up more than people projected.
And a lot of scientists are saying that they think that global warming is going to hit us even harder than we thought it would have.
Yes.
Well, Media Matters actually makes that point, Robert.
They say that earlier this year, in 2015, it was announced that it was the hottest year on record.
And according to Media Matters, you weren't likely to see much coverage of that announcement on CNN.
In fact, you were more likely to see an ad for a fossil fuel industry.
So they broke it down and they found out that the report, which was released on Monday, Media Matters, it looked at CNN's coverage in the one-week periods following the news that 2015 set the record for the world's hottest year.
And they found that February 2016 was the hottest February in 137 years of record keeping.
Wow.
It also found that CNN spent nearly five times as much time airing fossil fuel industry ads in those two week-long periods than it did airing coverage of climate change and the recent records.
The network spent 23.5 minutes on ads from the American, here, they have like a graph.
So this is from Media Matters Graph.
You see, it says they spent 23.5 minutes on ads from the American Petroleum Institute compared to just five minutes spent on news coverage of climate change.
Isn't that interesting?
Hmm.
So this is the January.
That's when it came out that 2015 was the hottest year on record.
They spent, oh, look at this is the minutes they spent covering it.
That's a minute they, that's how much they spent on giving PR for the people destroying the planet through climate change.
Here's when it came out in February, when it turned out that February was the hottest.
February 2016 was the hottest February in 137 years of record keeping.
Here's how much time they gave to reporting climate change.
Here's how much PR they gave to the people creating climate change.
Oh, dear Lord.
See, according to Media Matter, CNN spent less than one minute of coverage on January's hottest year announcement on the announcement that it was the hot.
It's unbelievable.
They spent one minute, but it spent 13.5 minutes in the morning, afternoon, and evening airing fossil fuel industry ads.
Then following the February announcement of that hot February, CNN spent four minutes on climate change-related coverage and 10 minutes airing fossil fuel ads.
Isn't that something?
Now, what's sad about this, Robert, is that CNN is too stupid to have actually come up with a scheme to do this.
I'm sure it just happened as a happy accident because, as we all know, CNN is the forest gump of broadcast journalism.
Yeah, this isn't nearly as bad, though, as the time they kept running ads for the Iraq war experience at Universal Studios, which turned out just to be the Iraq war.
It's unbelievable.
It's really hard to get people engaged in this topic.
Hey, if that's all you're concerned about is getting an audience, why don't you just show cockfights?
They'll be engaged.
They'll be engaged.
It's unbelievable.
So they show the PR for it.
The news agency shows the PR for the people doing the climate change polluting, but they don't actually cover the climate change polluting.
Isn't that interesting?
It's kind of like back in the early 80s when the news wasn't covering AIDS, but they were running commercials for Plato's Resort, Plato's Retreat, Retreat, whatever the hell.
Nobody even knows what that is anyway.
Plato's Retreat used to be a swingers club.
Plato.
They used to mention it late night on Johnny Carson sometime.
People go, talking about swinging.
So there you go.
What's the influence of money in the news?
There's the influence of money in the news right there.
God, there you go.
And by the way, the money that the fossil fuel industries give to political candidates, political candidates take that money and they give it back to the news companies in the form of buying advertising, which is really just PR.
So the news company becomes a PR wing of the fossil fuel industry.
That's exactly what's happening.
So that's the corrosive, yet again, another corrosive effect of money in politics.
Thanks.
Thank you.
*phone rings*
Hello.
Oh, yeah.
Is this the French consulate?
This is Bernie Sanders again.
Bernie, I know.
It's me, Jimmy Door.
Don't give me the run around, you little crap bubble.
Where's my passport?
No, this is the Jimmy Doer show, Bernie.
You got the wrong number, buddy.
Sakra Blue.
Senator Sanders, how are you?
I'm talking to you, so I must be fine, right?
Hey, thanks.
That's really flattering.
Look, I understand how you feel.
Tuesday's primaries were pretty rough.
Jimmy, all over this country, what we have found is that when voter turnout is high, we do very well.
So I guess the turnout wasn't too good.
Well, what do you expect?
Half the country's in prison, and the other half should be.
I give up, Jimmy.
This country stinks on ice.
Where's my goddamn passport?
Hehehehe.
you you you Hey, there's a lot more to our Bernie Sanders phone call, but we don't have time on today's show.
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Today's show was written by Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuit, Jim Earl, Steph Zamorano, Frank Conniff, Robert Yasimura.
All the voices today perform by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
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