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March 19, 2016 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Today's show is brought to us by Casper Mattresses.
Get $50 off your next mattress purchase at casper.com slash Jimmy and use promo code Jimmy.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
Bye.
Thank you.
Jimmy, it's Harrison Ford.
Harrison Ford, the actor.
Look, I just wanted to put it out there that I'm doing another Indiana Jones movie.
And I know this is a little bit of a thing because that last Crystal Skull movie was pretty bad.
It was what we in the industry like to call an abortion.
An abortion where the dead baby still shits all over the place.
I mean, we put Shia LaBeouf in it.
Which, man, is that kid stupid?
Like, I'm pretty sure he cannot read.
And that's kind of tragic, I guess, but it's hard being on a set with someone who asks questions like, where do clouds come from?
But look, this movie might be better.
The old Indy is back getting into his adventures and whatnot.
Of course, he's over 70 now, so he takes more naps and is always turning up the heat or putting on a sweater.
It's probably not going to be good.
But it was either do this or witness to the return of the Amish.
I felt like we pretty much said everything in the first one there.
Besides, they're giving me so much fucking money.
It's like I don't even ever have to do basic math again.
It'll be like, oh, this coffee's $20.
Can you break this million-dollar bill or whatever?
And look, I have a pretty expensive lifestyle to maintain here, Jimmy.
First of all, I've got that plane crashing fetish.
Which, you know, mo money, mo problems, am I right?
And then I smoke this pot that's a little pricey.
It's like grown in Peru.
And monkeys eat it and poop it out or something.
But it's like, holy shit, one token, you'll forget you have fingers.
So, yeah.
Go see Indiana Jones 5.
You know, what else are you going to do?
Not see it?
Wrong.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for the kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, Kevin.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
I'm joined in the studio by a hilarious comedian from Team Yasamura.
At his McDonald's commercial is Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
Ohio.
Ohio.
Also with us, a hilarious comedian Hank Thompson.
Hey, Hank, how are you?
Hello.
I can also be seen at McDonald's, the one on Venice.
That's a good one.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, Shelby.
I don't know if you heard about the Breitbart having a little bit of controversy.
Breitbart siding with Breitbart.com, siding with Trump campaign over a violence incident against one of the Breitbart reporters.
So Breitbart reporters, have you heard about this?
They're quitting.
Yeah, Ben Shapiro quit.
Of course, the woman involved quit.
I think three reporters have quit now from Breitbart.
But I just went over there and checked their website, and the level of quality hasn't changed one bit.
Hey, did you hear there's a word of a new Indiana Jones movie in 2019 is exciting.
Sure.
But if Trump is elected, the only way to tell the story will be through cave painting.
Okay.
Hey, Marco Rubio was left the race.
Oh, Marco Rubio.
He'll always be remembered as the one Republican who had the intellect to question the size of Trump's dick.
Huh?
Good for you, Marco.
Hey, it's St. Patrick's Day.
Today's March 17th.
I'm recording this on March 17th, St. Patrick's Day.
I'm Irish.
The only holiday that features vomiting, to my knowledge.
Well, you haven't seen my family at Thanksgiving.
Oh, okay.
New Year's.
Arbor Day at my family, but, you know.
Okay.
But, you know, there was a time when we Irish would have been the ethnic group Trump wanted to deport.
But give him credit, Trump's a modern-day American big.
I see signs in front of store windows that says Irish.
Apply.
Apply.
Come on in.
Come on in.
Things make it a little different.
Did you see the news conference Trump gave after Tuesday's election results?
He had everybody out.
It was good to see Trump being flanked by his sexist C-word-spewing campaign manager.
Sure.
And his good-for-nothing piece of shit son was on his side, too.
So that's always good to see.
Was he holding up an elephant tail during the entire campaign?
He was slicking his hair back the whole time.
You know, Trump wants to pay the legal fees of a guy who sucker-punched a protester.
You heard about that, right?
Sure.
And now he said he's not going to do that.
Instead, he's just going to set up a general fund for cowardly pieces of shit in need.
Yes, sure, Trump's words incite violence, but they rarely incite journalism.
You know, the passionate hate that Trump brings out in people is kind of like how I feel when I'm watching vinyl.
You know, one day, one day soon, people will watch World War II documentaries and say, I don't mean to be inflammatory, but this Hitler guy is almost as bad as Trump.
Hey, be sure to tune in and watch the media take on Trump by airing his speeches unedited, then interviewing him on the phone at his convenience.
Way to go, mainstream million-dollar news media.
Sarah Palin, back in the news, you know, she was the one who posted a graphic of Gabby Giffords, Congressperson Gabby Giffords, with a rifle scope over her picture.
She posted that.
That was right before Gabby Giffords was actually shocked.
Sarah Palin put out a graphic, Gabby Giffords under a rifle scope.
But just the other day, she gave a speech where she objected to the punk-ass thuggery of Trump protesters.
Yes, it's the protesters who are thugs.
Thugs.
You know, between keeping a guy with the most votes from winning their nomination, plus blocking Obama's Supreme Court pick, the GOP is battling democracy on all fronts.
Good for you, GOP.
You know, the press hyped the Iraq war for big ratings.
And same thing with Donald Trump.
If folks get hurt or die, so what?
The mainstream media is the NRA of information.
Ooh, that's a heavy joke.
That is a heavy joke.
John Kasich won Ohio.
Yes.
You know, John Kayzer, I listened to his speech, his victory speech.
You know, John Kasich evokes an earlier political era when you could disagree with a GOP candidate without him necessarily making you sick to your stomach.
Hey, Merrick Garland.
Eric Garland, friend of the show.
Got some jokes about him coming up later in the show.
Judge Merrick Garland.
All right, what's coming up on today's show?
We're going to talk about the media bias against Bernie Sanders.
We're going to talk about more horrible media stuff.
We're going to talk about Chuck Todd's horrible job with Bernie Sanders.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Herman Kane, Harrison Ford, and the oldest caveman to be discovered in history calls in today.
Plus, Peter King.
Plus, Peter Effing King calls in today, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
you you So you're going to hear from mainstream news people and bought-off economists like Paul Krugman, who's embarrassing himself by coming out against Bernie Sanders' FDR New Deal type politics.
I mean, economics.
So Robert Reich, if you want to hear a nonpartisan view of Bernie's economics, listen to Robert Reich.
He tells you everything.
But here's another guy.
So Robert Reich, we all know him for being a great economist.
But maybe he's a little too lefty.
You know, he's too lefty.
So let's get a righty.
Who would be a righty guy?
I don't know if you remember in the 80s, Michael Douglas did a movie called Wall Street, and it was all about the greed of Wall Street and all that under, it showed the underbelly of greed in America.
And that's where the phrase greed is good comes from, right?
That movie Wall Street.
His character's name was Gordon Gecko.
And that character was based on a real Wall Street guy.
His name was Asher Edelman.
Asher Edelman was known for buying companies, selling them, extracting wealth out of them, turning them over, not really making anything except a lot of money as he crushed a lot of companies and stuff.
So it was that era.
And so they based that character on him.
So this guy's a real shark, right-wing Wall Street fucking, he's a shark, right?
Here he was on CNBC's Fast Money.
And even a guy like that can't help but tell the truth on CNBC as CNBC, just a swarm of bullshit, a never-ending cesspool of right-wing bullshit at economic talking points, nothing but fucking talking points fed to them by Wall Street and heads of corporations, and they report it as news.
And then you wonder why there was an economic meltdown while there was a channel called CNBC and nobody fucking saw it coming.
Yet people still think these guys know what they're talking about and they don't.
Here comes a guy, Gordon Gecko, the real Asher Edelman, and they ask him, hey, who do you think would be the best for president economically?
Here's the guy, Mr. Insider Wall Street guy, the ultimate.
And here's what he says.
Watch him blow his mind.
Let's move on to the presidential elections.
I'm curious.
We're asking everybody essentially who you think the best candidate for the economy would be.
Bernie Saunders.
So Gordon Gecko is blowing that guy's mind right now.
Bernie Sanders, huh?
What?
You mean the New Deal?
And let's remember what the New Deal was.
The New Deal was we put money in the pockets of working people and then they spend it.
And that what's what boosts our economy as opposed to putting money in the pockets of rich people, which is what Reagan's done.
And then they put it in the bank or an offshore tax haven somewhere, which hurts our economy.
So watch, he's going to say, who would you vote?
Let's move on to the presidential elections.
I'm curious.
We're asking everybody essentially who you think the best candidate for the economy would be.
Bernie Saunders.
Without a doubt.
Now, you can't see this, but when he says Bernie Sanders, one of the guys on the panel literally, like he just got spooked.
He goes, huh?
Like he jumps up in his chair and his head snaps a little and his eyes blink like, hoo-hoo, huh?
Boom.
It's pretty hilarious.
What?
That goes against all the bullshit that we say 24 hours a day.
That goes against all the bullshit we've ever said.
That goes against all the bullshit we're going to say as soon as you leave.
What the F?
This guy, huh?
You mean the thing that the only thing that there's evidence actually works in our economy, the New Deal?
You mean that thing?
We should do that.
Wait a minute.
Shouldn't we do some more 30 years of supply-side trickle-down economics that we know have created our economy and created the biggest income disparity since the Gilded Age?
Shouldn't we keep doing, that's what that, that's what fucking that was.
Let's move on to the presidential elections.
I'm curious.
We're asking everybody essentially who you think the best candidate for the economy would be.
Bernie Saunders.
Without a doubt.
Why is that?
No question.
Well, I think it's quite simple again.
If you look at something called velocity of money, you guys know what that is, I presume.
That means how much gets spent and turns around.
When you have the top 1% getting money, they spend 5%, 10% of what they earn.
When you have the lower end of the economy getting money, they spend 100% or 110% of what they earn.
As you've had a transfer of wealth to the top and a transfer of income to the top, you have a shrinking consumer base, basically, and you have a shrinking velocity of money.
Bernie is the only person out there who I think is talking at all about both fiscal stimulation and banking rules that will get the banks to begin to generate lending again as opposed to speculation.
So from an economic point of view, it's straightforward.
From an economic point of view, it's straightforward.
Like there's no question.
What's wrong with our economy?
By the way, we all know that's what drives me crazy.
We all know what's wrong with our economy, right?
We have too much of the wealth of our economy concentrated in a few hands.
And those people don't spend that money, right?
They can.
They put it in their bank.
They put it under their mattress.
They put it in offshore tax havens.
Just like that TED talk that they banned from that millionaire who said, I only buy a few cars a year.
I only buy a few pairs of jeans.
But 10,000 people can buy 10,000 cars.
And so that's how you slow down the economy.
You put a lot of wealth into just a few hands.
And that's why the estate tax, estate tax, is so important.
So we don't have, you don't get to pass on your trillion dollars to your kids, right?
We take half of that and we put it back in the economy and your kids live wealthy anyway.
Except we get to have a healthy economy and your kids get to have a healthy life, too.
So, it's not one or the other.
It's not a false choice.
So, this guy's saying that.
And that's what drives me nuts.
We all know this.
We all know that we had a great economy, and the banking sector was very boring.
And our economy ran very well for everybody from FDR's New Deal up until Ronald Reagan, ironically.
And then, ever since Ronald Reagan, whose idea was trickle-down economics, which is you take money from everyone, working people, you give it to rich people, and then they will spend so much, money will trickle down.
Even the sound of that, doesn't it sound like trickle?
Sir, please, sir, may I have a trickle of your wealth, please, sir.
Here's another stat.
From 1973 to 2014, productivity has gone up 73% in America.
Guess how much wages have gone up?
You would think, oh, productivity has gone up 73%.
I'm sure that productivity is connected to wages.
So when workers produce more in the same time period, that their wage will go up, doesn't during a time of 73% productivity increase, 9% wage growth for workers in America.
You tell me who's the parasite.
You tell me who's parasiting, who's benefiting off the labor of someone else.
It's the owner class in America that is a parasite off the workers.
Gordon Gecko just told you that.
Asher Edelman, the Gordon gecko of Wall Street, just told you that, just blew their fucking minds on CNBC because he told you something anybody could have told you.
Something that my grandmother could have told you.
A shoeshine guy could have told you in 1950 that the New Deal works, that you put money into the pockets of working people, and that stimulates the economy.
And the reason why we're living in this crazy economy we're living in is because corporations keep making more and more money and they're not giving it to their workers, the workers who buy stuff.
And we got a Supreme Court nomination out of Barack Obama this week.
He recommended or he nominated Merrick Garland to be the Supreme Court, replacing Antonin Scalia.
Now, let's remember Antonin Scalia, super duper right-wing, crazy racist guy who was nominated by Ronald Reagan right after they had confirmed William Rehnquist, also appointed by Ronald Reagan, super duper right-wing racist guy.
Okay.
Well, they had moved Rehnquist from the position of Associate Justice to Chief Justice and then put Antonin Scalia in that Associate Justice position.
Correct.
So I was wondering why my Google alert for Merrick Garland suddenly started going crazy.
By the way, Merrick Garland, also one of the bounty hunters in Empire Strikes.
And then, yes.
And then Ronald Reagan appoints William Rehnquist and Scalia, two of the most right-wingy, right-wing racist guys we've ever had in modern history on the court completely.
And then also Anthony Kennedy, right?
Justice Kennedy is also a Ronald Reagan appointee, who is also a solid conservative on the bench, except when it comes to abortion.
He also appointed Sandra Day O'Connor, who wasn't a maniac.
Isn't that nice?
So he gets two solid, solid, certifiable right-wing maniacs on the court.
One not so much of a maniac and one just a solid conservative.
So Republicans nominate solid conservatives when they're president.
And then George Herbert Walker Bush went on to nominate Justice Thomas.
Okay.
Okay.
So I'm just saying when the Republicans choose, they usually choose a career conservative, right?
Democrats always afraid to choose a liberal.
That's a very new thing, though.
And a lot of it has to do with Justice Sandra Day O'Connor.
She was so disappointing to basically the Federalist Society and the John Birch Society that they basically held the Republican Party hostage from there forward, where no one, no one can even come close to the nomination for president unless they basically tell the Federalist Society, I will nominate a Federalist Society judge.
Yeah, so the Republican Party gets to, they get to not, they pander through their base with their Supreme Court nomination.
Judge Alito was also appointed by George W. Bush.
Let me say, Justice Alito is far more than Anton and Scalia.
He's just not loudmouth.
Yeah, he's not.
Yeah.
So they get to pack the court with really crazy right-wingers.
But when we get an overwhelmingly popular Democratic president who's been elected twice overwhelmingly with the will of the people, super popular, we don't get to have a liberal.
He pointed, we don't get to have that.
We have centrists.
He appoints Merrick Garland.
And this guy is so middle of the road, he plays base for Josh Groban.
I wasn't expecting a Groban joke.
Wouldn't it be nice?
Wouldn't it be nice if Democratic presidents actually pandered to their base when they appointed a Supreme Court justice?
Wouldn't it?
So basically what happened here is Barack Obama pre-compromised again, right?
So what he did was he compromised before he had a chance to actually put forward a liberal or a progressive or somebody that his base would really like, right?
So he goes, ah, they won't like him.
I'll give him someone they like and we'll start negotiating from there.
So wouldn't it be nice for Democrats if Republicans didn't define our choices?
Wouldn't that be nice?
So this guy, he's not horrible, Merrick.
He's not, he's good.
He's a centrist.
He's a centrist, right?
I don't know.
I would like to balance the court now.
I'd like to swing it back liberal so we have maybe a couple of years of liberal decisions in our Supreme Court.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Let's see.
So here's.
And by the way, I think that you're missing the optics here, which is that I think he put forward Merrick Garland because he's the most confirmable candidate of all time.
You can't.
Republicans never do that.
Ronald Reagan never did that when he nominated somebody.
George Herbert Walker Bush didn't do that when he nominated Justice Thomas.
And neither did Barack Obama do that.
I mean, neither did George W. Bush when he nominated Samuel Alito.
No, I agree.
I'm just saying, why?
The Senate never said to the president, before he did anything, we're not going to confirm anybody.
And so what he and I think that there may be a long game being played here where I think Barack Obama basically shot a fire a shot across their bow saying, this is the guy I'm going to offer you.
Guess who you're going to get when you don't confirm him?
Because you're going to get a much more liberal.
Yeah.
So what he's saying is, so he's...
The most confirmable guy in the history of the process.
Well, why is he the most confirmed?
Well, I was going to say, to Robert's point, the other options B and C there are Trump nominate somebody or Hillary nominates somebody as the way they're currently assessing the campaign.
Of course, they'd never want to see a Bernie Sanders nomination, and they're doing their best.
Everybody's making sure that won't happen.
So you're saying, so Barack Obama is calling the Republicans bluff by nominating Garland, not choosing a true liberal justice like Deval Patrick or Jane Kennedy or Elizabeth Warren.
Instead of being bold, he's calling bluffs.
Yeah.
So why do the Senate Republicans suddenly disapprove?
So they used to.
I never want to see Elizabeth Warren out of the Senate.
Me too.
I never, ever want to see her.
She's the most important senator right now, as far as I'm concerned.
And I don't think she'll ever do as good work as she's doing right now.
So here is what some of the Republicans used to say about this guy, Merrick, right?
For instance, Orrin Hatch said earlier, said just, I think like 10 years ago.
No, like earlier this week, said that the president told me several times he's going to name a moderate to fill the court vacancy.
This is Oren Hatch speaking.
That's this guy.
This guy, Orrin Hatch.
This is Orrin Hatch speaking.
He says the president told me several times he's going to name a moderate to fill the court vacancy.
Obama could easily name Merrick Garland, who is a fine man, but probably won't do that because this appointment is about the election.
So I'm pretty sure he'll name someone that the liberal base wants.
He didn't.
He didn't nominate someone the liberal base wanted.
He already pre-compromised and he handed you someone you already said you liked.
So of course they're against him.
Why?
Because the black guy nominated him.
Just like his health care plan.
What the F are you doing?
You don't start a negotiation from the middle of somebody else's position.
But that's Barack Obama's way.
That's Barack Obama's way.
Okay.
You know, the Republicans have become so stubbornly obstructionist that Obama has to do all their work for them.
He's going to get that Republican in there.
I think we can all agree.
So when the Republicans want an inch, Obama gives them a yard, right?
And they're still not happy.
And they're still not happy.
He's always compromising before he has to compromise.
Here's what's awkward for Orrin Hatch.
He just said all that stuff I said.
And here's what he said.
Thank you.
And he belongs on the court.
And I believe that he is not only a fine nominee, but as good as Republicans can expect from this administration.
In fact, I would place him at the top of the list.
That was then.
This is now.
So that was him back then saying a lot of great things about Garland, Merrick Garland.
What a name.
Sounds like a drug company.
His middle name is...
I'm...
We make the greatest antidepressants.
His middle name is America Garland.
I don't even understand that joke.
It's funny.
It's going to put it up.
Eric Garland.
Merricka Garland.
Merricka.
Again, this is following the death of Antonin Scalia, who died at the hunting ranch of a Texas millionaire who had cases in front of the Supreme Court.
And it's been recently determined that Scalia died of a severe deficiency of integrity.
Okay.
I mean, Merrick Garland actually would be a great person to be on the court because he would be probably the last swing justice ever.
I don't think we need swingers.
But here's what that's, you know, I don't want sex in the...
He was being interviewed on the PBS, and here's what Orin Hatz had to say about this guy, Merrick Garland, then.
Here's what he has to say.
But I'll tell you one thing I'm tired of, and that is when it comes to the Supreme Court, we should all be venerating that court and venerating the people on it.
So she asks him, how are you doing this?
How are you going to block this guy, Merrick, after you just said all that great stuff about him?
And it puts him in an awkward position.
Earlier this week, he said if he would just nominate Merrick, that'd be great.
He did it.
Boom.
He's getting it stuck right in him.
He's getting the knife stuck in him.
Here's how he should be venerating the court, which I looked up venerate.
You know what that means?
Yes.
Honoring.
Honoring.
Yes.
So I had to look it up.
It's okay.
It's okay.
You're a bricklayer.
A lot of people don't know that.
A lot of people don't know.
10 years of a bricklayer.
Watch the mental gymnastics he does right now on why he's going to oppose this guy who he likes, who he said I wish he would nominate.
He nominated him.
Now he still opposes him.
Watch the mental gymnastics.
Here it comes.
And to put them through, put even a good candidate through this toxic process during a presidential election, which really hasn't been done before in this way, I think tremendous would be a tremendous mistake.
So he's saying that you don't want to take a nominee, a guy who wants to be in the Supreme Court like Merrick Garland and put him through this process and have us Republicans shit all over him like this because that just wouldn't be fair to him.
This is how he now he says you want to put a guy through a confirmation process.
That's some pretty nuanced shit for someone that old.
What does that have to do with the veneration thing?
I don't know what he's saying.
Because he venerates it, therefore he respects it too much.
He's saying that he's saying I respect Merrick Garland too much to put him through what we're going to do to him.
Insanity, we clearly, the partisan, he's basically saying it's Barack Obama's fault.
We're going to be scumbags.
Yes, that's what he's saying.
He's like, how dare he nominate a guy when he knows we're going to be scumbags to him?
That's exactly what he's saying.
The human centipede is for volunteers only.
Orrin Hatch is essentially saying the Republicans are a fire department full of pyromaniacs.
Yes.
Right.
Oh, God.
So that's, so that's what's happened.
So that's the, so that's what, so this is what's going on.
And of course, the news media is going to play it neutral.
Well, the Republicans say that you shouldn't, because Republicans say there's a long-standing principle that if a Supreme Court justice dies in the last year of a president's term, that he shouldn't nominate him.
And that principle has been a long-standing principle since, I don't know, last week.
Have nothing.
And they say, well, we got to let the next, we want to let the people decide.
The guy just won two elections.
I think the people decided.
He overwhelmingly won those elections.
So it's all that crazy stuff.
So it's fun to watch.
Oh, here's, by the way, here's.
And this guy is sitting there going, I can't believe my party is being torn apart.
Yes.
You're sitting there spinning this weird, convoluted bullshit.
Yes.
And you're going, I can't believe someone like Trump is tearing apart my priority.
Yes.
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Welcome back to the second half of the Jimmy Door show.
Herman Kane calls in.
Peter King calls in in this half hour.
Right now, let's get back to our discussion about the Supreme Court nominee.
So here she has on, this is PBS.
Gwen Eiffel brings on Al Franken, who's considered a liberal senator.
And he's a very quiet senator.
I'll tell you that.
I was hoping he would be much louder, but maybe he's playing the long game and being much stealthier and going under the radar and doing good things under the radar because maybe he learned a lesson from Grayson, Congressman Grayson, who was a big, was much more fiery and much more of a bomb thrower in his first term.
And now he's not that way.
And he's getting a lot more done, but doing it underneath the radar.
The whole thing is as a junior senator.
I've heard Franken talk about this.
He has really worked at understanding how you actually get stuff done and bring it to the floor and get to actually talk about it.
And I think the perfect counterpoint to him would be Ted Cruz, who has gotten exactly nothing done because no one wants to talk to him.
Nobody wants to like it.
He doesn't want to do legislation, Ted Cruz.
He's a psychopath who's in politics for the reason why most guys get in politics is to fill that hole inside of his soul that he'll never be able to fill with the admiration of strangers, which is why I got into comedy.
Same here.
So here is, and I'll never fill that hole.
So here is Gwen Eiffel asking Al Franken what he thinks, what he thinks about Merrick Garland, the nominee for Supreme Court by Barack Obama.
Here we go.
You're a pretty liberal guy.
What do you say to progressives who think the president missed an opportunity to make a more liberal pick?
I think the president made a wise pick.
I, you know, the White House reached out to Democrats on the Judiciary Committee, asked us what kind of nominee we'd like to see.
I said, I want somebody who at the end of the day.
I said, I don't want a liberal or a progressive.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Please, if you can find somebody who's to the right of the Democratic Party, just a little hearings, the American people will say, I want nine of those to be the Supreme Court.
That's what I would like.
I would like nine of those.
And it seems to me from everything I know and have heard about Judge Garland that you'd want nine of those.
So that was his rationale.
When they asked, when Barack Obama asked who did they want as a nominee, he said, I want a justice who the American people will go, yeah, I want nine of those.
I don't know how you get to that kind of an argument.
I never heard of that argument before.
It's not supposed to be the same guys on the Supreme Court.
It's supposed to have ideological differences, and you come together and you fight it out.
So what he's saying is he thinks that every guy on the Supreme Court should be just like this guy, Merrick Garland.
And that's what the Supreme Court needs.
More 60-something-year-old guys from Harvard.
Nine of them.
Nine of them.
Nine 60-something-year-old white guys from Harvard on the Supreme Court.
I disagree.
I don't think we need nine guys like that.
I think we need maybe a black progressive instead of a black knucklehead like Justice Thomas.
That would have been nice.
How about a female black person on the Supreme Court?
I don't know.
I'm crazy.
I just think that every once in a while, when we elect a Democrat, we could maybe get some liberal policies and some liberal justices.
Just maybe.
It would be nice to see what it's like to live under a liberal leader and a liberal government when we elect liberals.
But we never get that.
The most we get is centrists.
Because when Republicans win, you know, that's not true.
We've gotten about in the modern era.
But no, we got Elena Kagan.
You think she's liberal?
She's very liberal.
And we got Elena Kagan and Sodomayor.
They're both very liberal.
Soda Mayor is not liberal.
She's very corporate friendly.
I don't think so.
I would have to disagree.
Do you have any knowledge on this, Hank?
No, I was going to make a really stupid joke.
Go ahead.
Oh, well, this sounds like a great plot for multiplicity, too.
Nine identical white men take over the Supreme Court.
Michael Keaton, I think he's ready.
So anyway, that's my contribution.
I think Elena Kagan and I think Sonia Soda Mayor are very much like this pick.
They're sensible.
You know, in today's climate, they're considered liberal, but they're not really, right?
In any other time.
Well, right.
Like the extremes on the right get a position on the Supreme Court.
Yes, Thomas.
The extremes on the left do.
Let me just put it this way.
So why is it when conservatives win elections, everybody's like, well, they got a mandate.
You got to give in.
But when Democrats win an election, they're like, hey, it's time for the Democrats to reach out.
It's time for them to reach across the aisle.
It's time for compromise.
They never say that when there's a Republican wave, like when they took over the House in the Senate, they never go, well, it's time for compromise now with Barack Obama.
That's not, no.
It's like, we've got a mandate.
Not only that, but you're not even allowed to fulfill your constitutional duties of picking a Supreme Court nominee.
We don't even let you do that.
So that's the thing I'm talking about.
So I think you would agree with that, that when conservatives win, they have a mandate.
And when Democrats win, it's about time they reach across the aisle.
Be reasonable.
Be reasonable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which I think is what Obama is his primary concern in his legacy.
He's got that sickness.
And so does Hillary Clinton have it, that they have this sickness inside them where they want to be liked by the people who hate them.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy, I am drunk and I am pissed off.
Congressman Keen, is this you?
Christmas Peter, freaking king from Long Island, New York.
Hey, how are you doing, guys?
Birthplace of the Baldwin brothers.
Yeah, I get you.
Including Zippo, the Baldwin no one ever talks about.
Listen.
Long Island, birthplace of Amy Fisher.
I don't think you want to brag about that.
A girl who shot a boyfriend's wife, thus doing more with her life than most people from Nassau County.
Okay, listen, Congressman.
Long fucking island.
Home of fire fucking island.
Where gay guys used to go and be ashamed of their sickness together and do gay stuff to one another.
Okay, Congressman, is there anything political you want to talk about?
Yes, I do, Jimmy.
Yes, I do.
What?
Okay, what is it?
Congressman?
Sorry, Jimmy.
I just had a weird bubble in my stomach.
I was waiting to see what it would do.
And what happened?
It headed south, so I might be pooping my drawers sometime soon.
Okay.
Don't worry, I'm prepared for that possibility.
Okay.
Man, my age doesn't drink abusively without putting measures in place in case they poop or say something racist or something like that.
Okay, listen, Congressman.
Friggin' Jews.
Okay, Congressman, why are you so drunk?
Why are you drunk and angry?
Duh.
Have you seen my party lately?
Yeah, but I saw last month you endorsed Marco Rubio.
Jesus Christ, would you shut up about that?
Do you know how many blood vessels I popped saying those words?
Endorsing the boy man from the idiot nation of Florida, who, by the way, voted against Hurricane Sandy relief funds when his is literally sinking into the ocean and will need to suck off the government teeth until God finally kills all those people.
I assume through a mass accidental shooting.
So if you hate Marco Rubio so much, you hate him so much.
Why did you endorse him, Congressman?
Jimmy, what the hell else was I going to do?
Let Trump take the nomination.
Wow.
So you hate Donald Trump that much, Congressman?
Are you kidding, Jimmy?
No.
Let me count the ways.
Okay.
Congressman?
What?
Do you want to count the ways?
First of all, this Trump character talks all tough.
Like in old days, that guy would have gotten carried out of here.
What the fuck, all days is he talking about.
You mean that one time at prep school when your show four men is the black kid for you?
Those old days.
Jesus.
I'm with you on that one.
Here we've been all this time talking about actual things when it turns out all you have to do to get elected is talk tough and emit a pungent odor.
So listen, let me ask you, what are you going to do now?
Are you going to vote Cruz?
Jimmy, if you ever catch me voting for Ted Cruz, I want you to have me murdered and my grandchildren sterilized so my bloodline can't continue.
What about Kasich?
I got to be honest, Jimmy, I'm still not entirely sure who that is.
Like, I might be able to pick him out of a crowd if the crowd was all black.
Well, well, then the obvious question is: why don't you just vote for a Democrat, Congressman?
I will not vote for that woman.
Well, who says it's going to be Secretary Clinton?
Bernie's still projected to win a lot of states going forward.
So maybe you won't have to vote for that woman.
What do you think, Bernie Sanders?
Bernie Sanders?
Jimmy, do me a favor.
Sure, what's that?
Shut up.
I barely think Bernie has a chance.
Yeah, and I like my little pony, but you don't hear me yammering on about it.
So what do you, so what are you going to do, Congressman?
Well, I am not voting for abroad.
I can tell you that.
What?
Wow, you sound like Trump.
So what's your plan, Congressman?
Come on.
Well, Jimmy, I thought I would continue to sit here drinking grain alcohol and playing with this handgun, and then we'll just see where things go from there.
Okay, I don't think that's a good idea, but Jimmy, I gotta let you go because I don't want you on the phone when this happens.
Scarring a guy for life is not on my bucket list.
Okay, listen.
No, Congressman.
Oh, are you a hungry baby girl?
Because daddy's gonna feed you some hollow points in your tum-tum.
Congressman.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Hey, guess what?
So I'm watching the PBS news.
You know, PBS, they give you the straight journalism.
And when I say straight, I mean they don't notice anything when they're recording stuff.
No kidding.
So they want to do a story, PBS News Hour.
They wanted to go show you some people that, because they say Trump is bringing a lot of people into the political process that weren't in the political process before.
So PBS News Hour, which, by the way, is a fair thing.
It really is the big mystery of Trump is not Trump.
It is who are these people who think this is a good idea.
Guess what?
The PBS News Hour did us a service because they highlighted a certain family.
So here, let's go to the report right now.
See, surrounding his campaign, he continues to attract strong support.
We talked to one family with differing politics spanning three generations to hear why they're going all in for Trump.
This is my first time voting.
Being 33, that's kind of crazy, but it says a lot.
First time being involved in politics.
She's 33 years old.
And that says a lot.
Nobody.
Trump is the one who got her into.
I wonder what it was about Trump.
Here's some more from that same family.
I'm actually a registered Democrat, but I'm voting for Trump this time.
This is my first time I've ever worked on a political campaign.
My family members are joining me.
My son, my daughter-in-law, my grandchild.
Just been such an awesome experience.
And Father God, we just thank you that you're going to use Donald Trump for your glory and your kingdom, oh, Father God.
Amen.
My biggest point is if you want to be here, conform to the country.
If you don't want to be here, go home.
I was born in Montreal, Canada.
And when I started school, for us, we were told, look, you either speak English or you're not going to pass your class.
And in today's society, it's like we cater to the people whose whatever language they speak.
I came in the states.
I joined them.
First of all, what a command of the English language.
Speak English.
So again, another immigrant-hating immigrant, which is the irony of ironies, right?
We're a nation of immigrants.
God damn, I hate those immigrants.
But again, people being brought into the political process by Donald Trump.
And then I even went and got naturalized.
And I'm very proud to say I'm an American citizen.
Hello, my name's Grace, and I'm a volunteer for Donald Trump.
Okay, so now what they didn't tell you.
So now if you notice, let's watch a little, let's watch a little more, I guess.
Presidential campaign here in North Carolina.
Fayville is a very big military town with Warbrag being right there.
My father-in-law and my husband are both veterans.
And the whole idea of the care, the veterans being sub-par is very true.
My whole family.
Okay, so we'll stop it there.
And what didn't they tell you in that PBS report?
Like, about these people.
I don't know if you noticed she had a lot of tattoos.
Did you notice she had a lot of tattoos?
I did notice that.
So if you notice this tattoo right here, that's 88.
That's the white.
Is that a reference to the get-smart character?
That is not.
That is interesting.
No, it was 99, 88.
Oh, very good.
That's right.
Get smart.
She's a fan of H.W. Bush.
No, good guess.
That is the white powers symbol for Heil Hitler.
Yeah, that's.
88 means Heil Hitler in white power.
There it is.
What is hell?
She also has something else on her other hand.
What is this on this end?
Let's see.
You see, what is that?
That's a curious symbol.
That is a Celtic cross, but it has that extra ring around it.
Right, sure.
And that is a symbol of white power also.
Very, very popular for the white power racists, very popular in the racists.
You don't have to be a professor of iconography to notice the American Nazi tattoos on this woman, do you?
And you don't have to be Edward Armuro to mention them to your audience.
You could even go so far as to ask the lady about her tattoos.
Last night checked, people really like to be asked about their tattoos, which is why they wear them on the outside of their body.
Yeah.
You could go, oh, you like the 80s wham group enough to put them on your arm?
I'd sure like to have a pleasant conversation about that with you.
Only in this case, if you ask this woman about her stuff, you go, oh, you hate non-white non-Christians and homosexuals?
Me too.
Let's talk about it over a cup of international coffees.
I'm just saying, it wouldn't be hard to draw these people out.
PBS didn't even mention it.
Doesn't even mention it.
That the people, the family, the new voters, 33 years old, she finally got involved in politics because it's the first openly racist guy running for president she's ever seen.
It's like, oh my God, a dream come true.
I never thought a president would be a racist again.
Openly and blatantly.
No more of this dog whistle bullshit.
He's saying Mexicans are freaking rapists and criminals and Muslims.
We got to keep them out of the goddamn country.
I love that.
I found my candidate.
I'm getting involved in politics.
Finally, somebody who speaks for us.
Finally, politics opens up again to the KKK.
PBS doesn't mention it.
This is the important thing.
Judy Woodruff.
Judy Woodruff Woodruff does not mention it.
Doesn't mention it.
I don't know how many times I could mention it, but she didn't mention it.
Maybe those were mistakes.
Like you asked, you said, okay, just put two dolphins on the back of my hand and the tattoo guy.
He put the 88s?
Yeah, I put the 88s.
Nor do they mention that they're right near a major, major military institution.
They are presented as not atypical.
And they're Klansmen.
They're Klansmen.
They're Klansmen who are both in the Army.
That doesn't bother anybody.
And they're both in the Army and they're immigrants who hate other immigrants.
And I also like the fact that she's like, I'm pretty sure that the person who's going to do something for veterans is Donald Trump.
And I mean, to get a tattoo says so much about your belief.
It takes effort to write a blog about who you hate, but to put to write it on your skin.
And it's not like hidden under a sleeve.
It's on her hair.
So everything she does every day, shaking hands, waving hello, opening a car door.
It's right there.
She also has.
33 years she couldn't vote, but she could take the $80 required to go and get these prison tats.
Yes.
Well, you got to be prepared for prison.
You don't.
You got to be prepared.
Yeah.
Much more sanitary outside of jail.
Very much.
She has the chest one, too.
The nape.
And she's got a big circle.
I'm not asking you to define it.
No, there's a lot of.
I'm sure if we investigate it, she's got a lot more tattoos of that that are crazy.
Her body is art.
Her body is art.
I'm just mostly offended as a video editor.
She's not using a Mac.
Me too.
Macs aren't made in this country.
I love that Judy Woodruff over at PBS.
Nobody, not a producer noticed it.
The cameraman didn't notice it.
The sound person, the editor didn't notice it.
The guy who runs the video at the thing didn't notice it in the studio.
Nobody, no, but the stage manager, nobody watched.
There's so many people who actually end up watching this piece of video before it goes on.
Nobody said, hey, wonder what those tattoos are about.
Did you ask her?
Did you ask her?
Here, are we interviewing a bunch of Nazis?
Are we interviewing?
That really should be Journalism 101.
Like, are there any overtly Nazi things about these people?
Before we talk to them, let's just ask, just in their defense, maybe this is such a crazy thing to encounter.
It doesn't even enter your brain that you might encounter it.
Except that Trump has pulled these people out from the shadow.
I'm just saying, is that a possibility?
No, I think it's okay if you're the news reporter or whatever and you miss it.
You go down to cover this story.
You miss those racist symbols.
All right, I'll give you a pass.
But somebody along the line, this is what I'm saying.
Like somebody else should have noticed when you sent it to your producer and he showed it to the executive producer and you decided to, and then the editor who edited this together and then the person in the control room who plays it and then the people who watch it as just no, but nobody.
Right.
Not alone, let alone the host, right?
I get it.
You're the host.
You maybe haven't seen this video before.
They're telling you this is what goes with the story.
But none of those, every single.
And by the way, these aren't people who got a coffee clutch.
These aren't people who work in insurance.
These are news people.
All of them.
Every one of them do news for a living.
And you wonder why people get their news from YouTube.
Hey Lo, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy, you're not going to believe who this is.
I bet I can believe who this is.
Jimmy, hold on to your hats and your cats.
It's Herman Kane.
Herman, how are you doing, buddy?
Good to hear from you.
I'm doing good, Jimmy.
What are you wearing?
Oh, come on, Herman.
Don't start this stuff.
I know.
I know.
I'm just kidding.
What's your wife wearing?
That's the question.
All right, listen, Herman.
What did you call me about in the first place anyway?
What do you want to talk about?
I want to talk about this motherfucking election.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
What the fuck do you mean, oh, yeah?
You know, I do.
Okay.
I'm still an opinionated conservative in the game, player.
Yeah, yeah.
I got my own radio show.
I'm on Twitter.
Oh, Mike.
You're on Twitter, Herman?
Yes, I'm on Twitter.
And if you ain't Jimmy Door, get on Twitter.
Oh, Jimmy underscore Door.
I'm on Twitter, baby.
Well, you express your views, too.
Of course I do.
You know, I also use Twitter as a platform to interact with and gently harass journalists whom I feel aren't really doing their job.
And get her to know some new booty, huh?
No, no.
Oh, don't give me that shit.
I know you, you old dog.
You on Twitter talking to news pussy and shit like that.
Herman.
Now, wouldn't you knock it off?
What do you think?
Those young Turks, I know them.
I've seen their fans.
They're young, hot, passionate, and got no morals.
Okay.
Listen, I don't think.
They're just looking to give a social justice blowjob.
I can see it in their eyes of their profile pics.
Yeah.
They're not even picky, I bet.
Herman, listen.
Now, I'm on a.
Let's be honest.
It ain't all going to be Jank Jugu they're going for.
They're going to be trying to get that rat pack slick man looking to yours.
Listen, can we talk about something else, please?
What's your dog wearing?
Herman, what is your analysis of this election so far?
That's what I want to hear.
I'd say it's a bunch of bullshit, mainly because I ain't in it.
Oh, yeah?
Really?
Yeah.
I wouldn't have made the same mistakes as all these dumb lilywife motherfuckers.
How so?
You wouldn't.
I would have gone after Trump in the beginning.
All these cocktail wieners were snapping at each other, vying for number two, Bush League.
Bush League bullshit.
Yeah, I hear you.
You got to go right after Trump.
Go after him.
Like when you go to prison, if you attack the strongest dude in the joint on day one, even if he gets your ass beat, everybody in the yard will respect you.
That's what my dog Brownie is always telling me.
You got to go up to the.
That's not what these estrogen injection-taking motherfuckers did.
They went after whichever motherfucker they thought was even more limp-wristed than they were.
All these debates, it was just Trump swinging dick.
And then the rest of the panel looking like they was trying to get voted most precious in a precious memories figurine pageant.
It was pathetic.
Yeah.
And un-American.
Yes.
And even worse, half these walking lace dollies are endorsing Trump after he beats their ass.
Is that not what you would do, Herman?
Oh, hell no.
Are you kidding me?
Jimmy, please.
Please tell me you know Herman Cain better than that.
I know Herman Kane pretty well.
I wish they would ask me if I were endorsing Trump if I ran this year.
I'd say, hold up.
Hold up.
Are you trying to ask me something?
Because I know you wouldn't be thinking I might be endorsing Donald Trump.
That fat, tiny-handed motherfucker can kiss my ass.
Hey, there's a lot more to that Herman Kane phone call.
You know there is, but we don't have time to get to it on today's show.
So what do you do?
You get the premium content.
That's right.
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No problem.
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Today's show was written by Mike McRae, Frank Honiff, Robert Igasamura, Mark Van Landuit.
All the voices today perform by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Also coming up in this week's premium, we got the phone call from the oldest caveman ever found.
Also, Mayor Michael Bloomberg.
We didn't get to it last week.
We're going to get to it this week.
So we got Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Herman Kane, and the oldest caveman in the world, plus a lot lot more.
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