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Jan. 23, 2016 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Today's show is brought to you by Harry's.
Stop overpaying for a great shave.
Go to Harry's.com and use the promo code Jimmy to get $5 off your first purchase.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
All right, this is it.
We're only two weeks out from the first primaries, and it's important that everybody register to vote.
Establishment Democrat Party loyalists are getting nervous about the energy that Bernie Sanders has created, and they should be.
But even though he has momentum, I was not a sure thing, okay?
Even if you think you'll inevitably support Hillary in the general election, it's important for progressives to vote for Bernie in the primaries.
When you push the Democratic Party to the left, you push the entire country closer towards sanity.
There isn't another Bernie Sanders waiting in the wings, okay?
He's got a track record of fighting on the right side of history, whereas Hillary has a track record of coming to the right side of history late.
We know Hillary Clinton is a fighter for herself.
The fact that the Clinton campaign is scaremongering the false notion that Bernie Sanders wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act, a bill he helped write, shows they're getting desperate.
Hillary Clinton is not a good candidate.
She ran to the right of Barack Obama and got defeated.
Now she can only promise to maintain the status quo.
She is the protector of the status quo, and she could be defeated again.
Hillary Clinton is the candidate that some people will come out to vote against.
She has almost no support from independents, but does bring plenty of baggage, real and imagined, that will be used against her.
Do you want to spend the next year defending Hillary Clinton, or do you want to spend the next year fighting for something, fighting for Bernie Sanders?
Bernie Sanders' commitment to saving Social Security, getting money out of politics, expanding Medicare for all, and letting kids get an education without being forced into indentured servitude.
That's what I'm willing to fight for.
Voting for Bernie isn't choosing the lesser of two evils.
Voting for Bernie is making a good choice.
Don't stay home during the primaries.
Make sure you register to vote.
Do it for your family, for your fellow citizens.
Yeah, do it for your country.
And those watching who are planning to vote Republican?
Why?
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
the show for the kind of people It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to TV.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I am joined on the Skype all the way from New York City.
You know him, you love him.
From Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's TV's Frank.
Frank Coniff is here.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay, good to hear your voice.
Also in the studio from the Miserable Liberal blog, it's Steph Zamarano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
Jimmy, I'm miserable.
Yes, you are.
Also with this young comedian, Michael Schurtzer.
Hi, Michael.
Hey, Jimmy.
You see that Bernie Sanders has been beating Hillary so bad that Donald Trump actually endorsed him.
Oh, look at that, Michael with a joke.
That was a ziggy signal.
I thought you were doing another joke, which I'm going to do right now.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
Did you know Bernie Sanders has opened up a gap over Hillary Clinton so wide that Bill Clinton fucked it?
Wow.
He enjoys the big vaginas.
He certainly does.
You know, for some, did you see the, first of all, everybody got home from Iran, right?
They had some naval seamen, which sounds filthy, got, they drifted into Iranian waters.
Iran captured them because they were in their waters.
And then within 24 hours, they negotiated a release.
Wait a minute.
Diplomatic solutions without bloodshed?
Obama's Iran policy is becoming the exact cluster fuck Republicans warned us about.
Am I right?
Thank you.
Hey, there's a giant snowstorm.
As of this recording, there is a giant snowstorm heading towards New Jersey.
So, of course, Chris Chrissy is preparing to meet the emergency needs of the New Hampshire residents.
That's right.
He's not going to New Jersey for the snowstorm.
It's true.
This would be his second big snowstorm he missed.
The first one was because he was in Disneyland, correct?
That's right.
And then the other day when someone told him they were having a blizzard, he said, oh, I prefer a dilly bar.
Yeah, I heard what they told Chris Chrissy that they're having a blizzard.
He said, I like mine with Oreos.
Hey, Martin Luther King Day was this week.
You know, Martin Luther King was a singular voice in his day, but now Americans of all races, colors, and creeds are being wiretapped.
Michael Schurzer appreciates that joke.
He likes the subversive.
You know, Jimmy, you know, February's coming up.
You know, it's Black History Month, right?
Oh, that's right.
February is Black History Month.
Sure.
Yeah, well, actually, last February, I watched so much porn that for me, it was Clear History Month.
I don't get that joke.
I'm such a good Christian.
Hey, did you hear about the flap over Ted Cruz that he might not be eligible to be president because he's born in another country?
And I say, sorry, Ted Cruz.
We're only allowed to elect bigoted anti-American hate mongers who were born in this country.
I don't know if you saw the last GOP debate.
Frank, did you see it or were you busy doing a show?
I missed it.
I was doing a show or I was traveling or something like that.
I missed it too, but I'm going to get the DVD director's cut with several extra hours of bonus racism, plus a commentary track by Hitler.
That's the DVD of the GOP debate.
That's right.
Hey, did you hear Ted Cruz got in trouble, financial trouble, because he failed to disclose a loan he got from Goldman Sachs?
And I got to warn Ted Cruz, this is the kind of thing that could almost make him seem unlikable.
Did you watch the Democratic debate?
How about that one, Frank?
I did see that one.
You know, it was weird.
For some reason, the millionaire moderators of the debate were coming off as somewhat hostile to Bernie.
They were.
Did you notice Andrea Mitchell was questioning Bernie at the debate.
Andrea Mitchell, the wife of Alan Greenspan, who Bernie Sanders had dressed down plenty when he was in the Senate, and he came before the Senate.
And that's weird.
That's like having Ken Starr's wife ask Hillary Clinton questions.
Am I right?
Does anyone know who I'm talking about?
It's a dated joke, but I get it.
It's true.
And then I think the moderator's questions about Bill Clinton at that debate, I think they're really going to help Paul Tsangas' campaign.
Paul Tsangis ran against Clinton in 92.
That is a retro joke.
Hang on.
Hey, did you hear Senator Lindsey Graham said that choosing between Trump and Cruz is like being shot or poisoned?
That was what Lindsey Graham said.
It's like being shot or so.
What he's really saying, it's like a choice between living in Detroit or Flint, Michigan.
Editor Bill O'Reilly said he's going to move to Ireland if Bernie Sanders gets elected.
As if I need another reason to vote for Bernie.
You know, Hillary Clinton, did you hear, Frank, she tried to, she tried to label Bernie Sanders as the establishment candidate.
Did you hear that?
I heard about that, yeah.
That's like Caratop calling Mitch Hedberg a prop comic.
Mitch Hedberg.
Mitch Hedberg, one of our beloved lost comedians.
What's coming up on today's show?
Peter King is upset at Ted Cruz for saying he doesn't like New York.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, Chris Christie's got some problem with the lunches kids are being served by Michelle Obama.
No kidding.
He also has a problem with the Iran deal.
So we're going to talk about that.
And guess what?
Sarah Palin endorsed Donald Trump and blamed Barack Obama for her son punching a woman in the face.
There's a lot coming up on today's show.
We got a phone call from Peter King and we got a phone call from Chris Christie, plus a lot lot more.
It's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
So we all know that America has a fetish for guns, especially the right wing.
And it's weird how when running for president, how it's making the presidential, GOP presidential candidates just do crazy things and say crazy things and be transparently crazy.
Now, what's wrong with people?
Here's the first thing I remember a politician ever talking about guns was Phil Graham.
You remember Phil Graham used to be a senator from Texas, right?
And he had a big, big part in crashing our economy.
Yeah.
Was it the, yes.
So here he was back in 1996 talking to the NRA, and this is what he said.
I am a gun owner, and I'm a shooter, and I'm a hunter.
I own more shotguns than I need, but not as many as I want.
What's wrong with people?
What's wrong with that guy?
I own more shotguns than I need, but not as many as I want.
A shotgun.
It's not like you're going to have target practicing with shotguns.
Why would you want more than one shotgun?
What are you doing with your shotguns?
What is wrong with people?
So that's him, and everybody applauds.
Yes, he wants more guns than he needs.
Yay!
Who talks about that?
I don't understand that.
So Marco Rubio recently on the campaign trail, he was being interviewed on CBS Face the Nation.
And here's a question he got about guns.
There's been a lot of people buying firearms recently, and you bought one on Christmas Eve.
Why?
Well, first of all.
First of all, he bought a gun on Christmas Eve.
On Christmas Eve.
Well, that is the night that someone is most likely to break into your house.
Yes, yeah.
You got a fat white guy coming down your chimney.
Am I right?
Yeah.
So he bought a gun on Christmas Eve.
And then the reporter brought it up.
So here's two things.
He did those, those things happened on purpose.
He bought a gun on Christmas Eve so people would find out about it.
And how did people find out about it?
He leaked it.
They made sure.
How else would this reporter know that he bought a gun on Christmas Eve unless Marco Rubio let the press know he did that?
So it got brought up and it got brought up.
That's right.
He was proud of it.
And he could, yes, yes.
Tell people I bought a gun on New Year on Christmas Eve.
So here we go.
I'm not home very often.
And so those one of the few days that I was there.
Second, I have a right to protect my family.
On one of the few days I'm home, I go to the gun shop.
I don't get to see my.
I have a right to protect my family.
I'm never there, but I have a right to protect them.
I'm never there.
So what?
Okay, here we go.
My family.
And that's why I was previously a firearm holder as well.
This was an additional one.
And again, I think many Americans around the country.
So he already had a gun.
He went out and bought another gun.
Didn't need it.
Just wanted to do it so it could get brought so he could leak it to the press so the guy could bring it up when he's being interviewed.
So all his knucklehead, knuckle-dragging right-wing gun fetishists will hear that he bought a gun on, he bought a gun on Christmas.
Damn, that guy likes guns.
Christmas Eve, you think he want to be with his family?
He went out and bought a gun.
I love that.
Nothing says the spirit of Christmas more than buying something for yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah, well, he's going to cut.
I love that he bought a gun on Christmas Eve.
I just, when is he going to take over a bird sanctuary?
So he's got more to say.
I feel the same way.
I'm a strong supporter of the Second Amendment.
I have a right to protect my family if someone were to come after us.
In fact, if ISIS were to visit us or our communities at any moment, the last line of defense between ISIS and my family is the ability that I have to protect my family from them or from a criminal or anyone else to see to do us harm.
Millions of Americans feel that way.
Yeah, he's not crazy.
That doesn't sound crazy.
I'm the last line of defense to ISIS.
You know, you know what's the first line of defense?
An ocean.
That would be the first line of defense because ISIS doesn't own a boat, nor do they own a plane.
You know what the second line of defense would be?
The U.S. military.
You know what the third line of defense would be?
The U.S. Coast Guard.
You know what the fourth line of defense would be?
The United States Marshal.
You know what the fifth line of defense would be?
Your county sheriff.
You know what the sixth line of defense would be?
Your local police department and your state police.
You know what your seventh line of defense would be?
You shitting your pants, not knowing how to use your gun.
That would be, that's your last line of defense.
You know, let's even talk about his own military service.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, wait a minute.
He doesn't have any.
It's so great.
These guys who love guns and want to fight ISIS never joined the military.
Isn't that amazing?
Well, I think, you know, this may sound cold, but why did he even let ISIS move in next door in the first place?
You're just, he's just asking for trouble, right?
Yeah.
He is just, he's just asking for trouble.
So that's Marco Rubio buying a gun on Christmas Eve.
Now, here was a couple of this is right after the Colorado shooting at the Planned Parenthood.
Chris Hardball had on presidential candidate and Iowa primary caucus winner 2012, Rick Santorum.
Let's remember, he won the Iowa caucus last election for the GOP.
Yeah, and because people like Rick Santorum win the Iowa caucus, it's really understandable why the press pays so much attention to it because it has such earth-shaking effect on what happens historically.
Yes, the Iowa caucus hasn't mattered for a while for Republicans, that's for sure.
So it ultimately predicts nothing.
It didn't predict.
But it's super exciting, huh?
I mean, Huckabee won it in 2007 or eight.
And then it was this guy, Rick Santorum.
So here, after this shooting in Colorado, Chris Hardball asks Rick Santorum, because he's for guns everywhere.
And he says, even in a clinic, you think it would be?
And here's what Rick Santorum says: hold on, buckle up.
But in a clinic to have guns, why wouldn't they have why?
Why wouldn't they?
I believe people should have the right to carry guns wherever they want to carry them.
You need a doctor in an operating room?
And there's a law-abiding people here.
Why would you?
Seriously, functionally, you say we could prevent this tragedy if you had people armed.
Do you expect people to be armed in a doctor's office?
Where do you think these people commit crimes?
They go to places, these people who are ill, they go to places where they know no one's going to have a gun.
If you have a go to a clinic, they're ill, and that's why they end up just going to kill anybody wherever they go.
They end up getting sick, they are ill, they go to a clinic, they kill people there.
That's why we got to have guns at the clinic.
This is his idea.
That's what they go to places where there are no guns to kill.
You know, like, you know, Frank, like Fort Hood.
Yes, I was just about to say Fort Hood, an army base where there's never any guns.
Yeah, or the or the White House.
Yeah, they go where there's no, there's, they go where there's no gun.
That sounds somehow foreign to certain ears, but the fact is that they don't go to places where people are armed.
They go to the guns.
I don't think it sounds foreign.
What I think is weird is when we grew up with Matt Dillon, they'd say, keep your guns at the city limits.
There were always ordinances about guns.
It's not un-American to think that you have some limits.
The problem is the bad guns on the bottom.
Bad guys have guns.
That's the problem.
And there's no way around that.
Do you support the NRA all the way when it says they want guns in bars where people are getting drunk?
They should have a gun with them.
Now, what do you think Rick Santorum is going to say to this question, Frank?
I can only guess, but I think drinking alcohol and firearms.
Do they go together?
People take your keys away when you drink.
They're going to, but you, but you can have a firearm.
And let's see what Rick Santorum, because he's a, you know, he's got kids.
He's missed.
He's really responsible.
He's super.
He's super Christian.
So he must be super responsible.
Let's see what he says.
Again, you're not for that, are you?
I believe that responsible people carrying weapons actually reduces crime in America and saves people.
Responsible people walk into.
First of all, that's not true.
They've done studies now.
Harvard did a study and they found out that it turns out wherever there's more guns, there's more gun violence.
Well, weird, weird.
Well, he didn't say based on facts.
He said what I believe.
Yes, that's right.
He said what he believes.
Okay, Mortis, here we go.
Saloon wearing a gun.
Many people do.
Of course they do.
Of course they do.
Not everybody walks into a saloon, Chris, gets drunk.
I mean, that's some do.
Well, some do, but some do, and that's okay.
So some of them are going to be drunk with guns.
That's what he just said.
He just said, yeah, some get drunk and they're going to have fucking guns.
And not all of them.
Not all of them.
Not all of them shoot their guns.
Just some of them do.
Just some of them.
Not all of them shoot their guns drunk.
And you know, there is, and this is, I don't have the exact statistics, but there is a high percentage of police officers who, when they go out and get drunk with their buddies, they end up shooting their friends or whatever.
There ends up being gunshot incidents when alcohol is involved with cops who have guns when they're off duty.
Frank, wherever there's guns, there's going to be more gun violence.
You were correct.
Yes.
So now more guns in the home mean more suicides.
That's a that's a fact.
So let's let's hear if he has anything else to say.
Guns are loaded.
Thank you, Rick.
Not necessarily you got to be pro-life about some of this stuff.
I mean, carrying pro-life of them.
Guns and booze don't mix.
Well, again, all I'm saying is that the more people that we have responsibly carrying, the less violence we're going to have.
So he comes out in favor of guns and booze.
This is a guy, because you know why?
Because he's a 12-year-old kid.
That's not the kind of policies any asshole would make.
Exactly.
This is a grown-up guy who wants to be in charge of the country.
Booze and guns.
I don't see a problem.
That's like if you gave 12-year-old kids the ability to write a law, that would say, hey, let's go have a bun bars.
That's the opposite of responsible.
That's what money does to people.
That's what ambition does.
That's what selfishness does.
That's narcissism.
That's that guy.
It's like, yeah, guns and booze.
I think it's a good idea.
Because why?
Because Jesus.
So Chris Harbor.
Jimmy, when I'm in a bar, you know, sometimes I might need a gun if the Mozorellic order isn't up to what it should be.
If they, if they don't give me as many chicken wings as I want, you know.
So I might need a gun.
So what Rick Santorum's saying, Frank, is that he believes that good law-abiding Americans need to carry guns into bars in case a non-law-abiding guy carries his gun into the bar, gets drunk, and starts shooting so then they can shoot him.
And everyone will be able to know who's the good guys and who's the bad guy shooting.
Right?
Everyone will know immediately who the good guys are shooting drunk in a bar.
So Chris Christie, so this is what happens when you run for president at the GOP.
You have to say things like this about guns.
I think guns and bars are good.
Please elect me president.
So Chris Christie also.
So Chris Christie is also running for president, so he has to also be a maniac when it comes to guns.
He used to not be.
He used to support the assault weapons ban, stuff like that.
He was reasonable.
In 2014, this is from 2014.
On Wednesday morning, parents of victims killed in the Sandy Hook massacre delivered a 55,000 signature petition to Governor Christie imploring him to sign a modest gun reform law that would reduce the number of rounds permissible in gun magazines from 15 to 10.
So they have these magazines that carry 15 bullets.
I mean, some of them carry 30, but there was a regulation that said you couldn't go above 15.
They wanted to move that down to 10.
Chris Christie, an hour later, vetoed that bill.
He said, no, you can.
And why is that important?
Why is it important to limit the number of bullets in a clip from 15 to 10?
Well, since 1984, there have been at least 12 mass shootings in which the shooter used magazines holding between 10 and 15 rounds.
In the Tucson, Arizona shooting that injured former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords, it was the 13th shot that killed a nine-year-old Christina Taylor Green.
It was the 13th shot.
So if he could have only had a clip with 10, wouldn't have killed that girl.
Hockley and Barden said a limit on magazines also could have prevented more deaths during the Sandy Hook shooting.
Yes, this is how crazy you have to be if you're running for president as a Republican.
You have to veto gun legislation that would limit the number of bullets in a clip.
Why do you need more than 10 bullets in a cliff?
No reason.
So here, so, and most recently, Chris Christie also vetoed a bill, and here it is.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie vetoed a law in his home state on Tuesday that would have stopped convicted gang members from buying guns in the state.
The bill would have banned carjackers, gang members, or anyone convicted of making terrorist threats from owning or purchasing a gun in New Jersey and was widely supported by both Democratic and Republican lawmakers.
State Assemblyman Timothy Ustas, one of the sponsors of the bill, told NJ.com the governor is running for president and doesn't care about the people of New Jersey anymore.
So there you go.
He vetoed a bill that would take guns away from convicted gang members.
No, no, he wants to get, and how did that bill pass?
In the House, 74 to nothing in the New Jersey House.
In the Senate, it passed 37 to nothing.
Unanimous bipartisan support.
Oh, wait a minute.
Chris Christie's running for president in the GOP.
Veto that gun legislation.
Got to let gang members and felons get guns.
This is what, how is this responsible?
Again, this is like if Eddie Haskell got to make gun policy.
That's what this is.
Oh, I'm trying to save you, Mrs. Beaver.
No, this will help you.
More guns are good for everybody.
Isn't that right, Eddie?
So that's a bipartisan, overwhelming zero, not overwhelming.
There's no opposition to this.
The people have spoken.
Chris Christie, sorry.
I ought to be president.
Sorry, phone.
I'm a gun nut now.
Sorry.
Sorry.
That's how much I care about people.
And I bet you vetoed it from New Hampshire because he's never there.
And he ran for assembly in one of his first races on a very strong pro-gun control platform.
And when he was asked about it, he goes, I have no memory of that.
You're kidding.
Yeah, he just pretended that he had to admit it the next day that he had changed his mind.
But no, actually, his exact words were: that doesn't sound like something I would say.
And it was like his whole platform for his state assembly race.
He doesn't have any convictions that I can think of.
Well, you know, since his polling numbers are going nowhere, now he knows what it feels like to be stuck on the Washington Bridge.
It's true.
And he, I think he's deluding himself because there's been some punditry saying that he might do well in New Hampshire.
That's why he refuses to leave New Hampshire to go back to New Jersey.
Blizzard or no Blizzard, he's staying in New Hampshire because he thinks, like, if he comes in second in New Hampshire, that'll mean he's in the race.
But I don't think that's going to happen.
But that's all he cares about right now.
Yeah, he doesn't.
He has no articulation.
He literally doesn't give a shit about New Jersey, and he knows he's not going to run for governor again there.
So he doesn't care that everybody hates him there.
Yeah, he does not care.
And he doesn't have any articulated policies, really, except for saying yes to seconds.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Wooomb Clerica Woooomb So Chris Christie, we know he doesn't believe in term limits, but he also doesn't believe in refill limits.
Anyway, Chris Christie, his polling, his polling, some polling companies say Chris Christie's numbers have hit a ceiling.
So have his cholesterol numbers.
Anyway, here he is.
He was in a greasy spoon in Iowa doing it and talking.
He's been talking to these people for two hours, right?
So they're sick of him already.
And who goes to a Christmas?
His blood sugar was dropping like crazy.
Like crazy.
So here he is.
And a young, so he's come out against Michelle Obama.
She has, she wants to make the lunches in schools more healthy for kids because kids eat crap food.
Americans eat crap food.
That's why we're all obese because we eat crap food because it's cheap and it's manufactured by corporations.
Am I wrong about any of this, Frank?
I don't think so.
That's to say, no.
So he's upset that Michelle Obama is getting kids to eat healthy.
You know, I mean, you know, Chris Christie doesn't like anybody touching his food.
So here he takes it.
He takes a question from a young, a kid, a kid who I believe he appears to be 10 or 11, maybe tops.
Here we go.
What are you going to, what are you going to do about the lunches?
Because, okay, they were fine when Mrs. Bush was the first lady.
But now that Mrs. Obama's the first lady, they've gone down.
And he sounds like he sounds like a younger kid.
He sounds like that's how a young kid talks.
Am I wrong?
Am I, am I making?
And I ate, I used to eat all the lunches like Cuspito and Square Pizza.
And not gluten-free stuff.
You know, this is interesting.
This is the second time this has been brought up to me in two days.
It's true.
The first lady has no business being involved in this.
Okay?
I mean, really.
She's no business being involved in it.
She wants to give her opinions.
That's fine.
She can give her opinions about what people should have for breakfast or lunch or dinner.
She's like any other American.
She can give her opinions.
But using the government to mandate her point of view on what people should be eating every day is none of her business.
This intervention into our school system is just another example of how the Obamas believe that they've got a better answer for everything than you do.
Boy, the government should pick the winners and losers.
I don't care what you're eating for lunch every day.
I really don't.
I want you to eat whatever your mother wants you to eat and your father wants you to eat.
Your mother and father should make that decision for you.
And then they'll send you to school sometimes with a healthy lunch.
And then you'll throw it out and you'll go to school and you'll buy something that you really want to eat, right?
I understand the way it works.
You know, for Christy, pandering to ignorant GOP voters is like taking bacon wrap cheese melts from a baby.
You know, that's so by the way.
It's very revealing about, yeah, they'll give you a healthy meal and then you'll throw it out and buy whatever you want.
That sounds like his childhood process.
Yeah, he knows the deal.
He knows how it works.
Obviously, Chris, we know you know how the food thing works.
Okay.
And by the way, he's coming out with the whole thing about nutrition, what kids should be eating for lunch in his new book called The Art of the Meal.
Have you heard about that, Frank?
I'm looking forward to that.
Frank, can you believe it's been six years and we haven't thought of that joke until this week?
I know.
No.
Hey, it's the new year.
How about a New Year's resolution?
You stop overpaying for a great shave and you stop standing in an aisle at the drugstore waiting for an employee to come over to open the case so you can sit there and pick out your blades and then go.
I don't do that anymore.
What do we do?
We get it through the mail.
We get it through Harry's.com.
Why would you, by the way, it's cheaper, right?
Because you pay $32 for an eight pack of blades at the drugstore.
You can get them for about half price from Harry's.com.
And it's an amazing deal because just for $15, you get a razor, you get moisturizing shave cream, and you get three razor blades.
That's just for $15.
But here's the even better part: they're going to give you $5 off your first order if you use the promo code Jimmy.
That's right.
You don't have to overpay for a great shave anymore.
Start the new year off right, pal.
Go to Harry's.com, go to Harry's.com, enter the promo code Jimmy at checkout.
You're going to get $5 off your first starter kit, which includes a great razor blade.
By the way, the razor handle, it's nice.
It looks nice.
It's heavy.
It's got a good feel in your hand.
And it's, of course, a great shave.
Go to Harry's.com, use the promo code Jimmy.
Over a million guys have already made the switch, and thousands more switching every day.
I no longer stand in the aisle at the drugstore.
Can someone help me, please?
I need to get a razor.
That doesn't happen anymore because it comes right to my house.
So it's a great way to support the show, too.
If you go to Harry's.com, that's H-A-R-R-Y-S dot com.
Use the promo code Jimmy, and we're going to get you $5 off your first order from Harry's.
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We got a lot coming up in the second half of the Jimmy Dore Show.
But right now, let's get to our phone call from Governor Chris Christie talking about Michelle Obama's healthy lunch initiative.
Thank you.
Beep.
Stu got that Governor Christie?
Yeah, who's this?
It's Jimmy Door.
Jimmy Door, you old liberal so-and-so.
How are you?
I'm good, Governor.
How about you?
Not bad.
Not too shabby.
Just sitting here eating what I want like a free American adult.
Whoa, wait a minute.
I thought you were working on your weight problem.
I am, of course.
I've made great progress.
I'm down to microwaving and drinking one pint of Ben and Jerry's a day from four.
But you are correct.
It is difficult.
On one hand, there is the obvious need for me to check my caloric intake.
On the other hand, I'm driven by a pet chiller to juvenile aversion to the concept of healthy eating, fueled by an irrational association of it with my political enemies, which forces me to spew nonsense concepts like food police and ignore my own raging cognitive dissonance regarding the topic.
Losing weight is hard work, my friend.
Yeah, you really don't like people telling you what you can eat, do you?
Not one bit, buddy.
Especially the first lady, huh?
Especially that salad-munching exercise junkie.
She needs to keep a judgmental trap shut, if you ask me.
When I get elected president, I'm going to tear up that stupid vegetable garden like I can bury Billy Bats in it.
A garden has no place on the White House lawn.
And seeing kids working in that garden, disgusting, indoctrinating children.
It's the only way these nutshops can spread their crazy ideas.
How is teaching children how food grows indoctrination?
Look, we conservatives are traditional.
We hold traditional values.
We aren't interested in these newfangled ideas about planting seeds, tending the soil, and reaping the harvest.
We are God-favoring people who know that food is made in factories by hard-working Americans, not conjured from the earth with some hippie voodoo.
And you took some real issue with her healthy food initiative in public schools recently.
You bet I did.
I said it.
I said what everybody was thinking.
Everybody?
Everybody in that greasy spoon in the Midwest where I was talking.
They all agree with me because they think the ketchup is a vegetable.
Just like the old school lunch rules used to say before old Miss Can Touch Her Toes, stuck her nose where it doesn't belong.
Oh, yeah, the Village Inn.
You been there?
Yes.
That's my favorite restaurant in Iowa.
Good eating there.
Good eating.
Yeah, yeah, I do.
I do the road sometimes in the Midwest, and that's where I go to get for a greasy hangover food.
It's like the IHOP, but it's a little grosser.
It's traditional food.
What do you get there?
Eggs Benedict Top with a Denver omelette.
Do they offer that?
I like to order off the menu, Jimmy.
Shows I'm classy and that I know about food.
Okay.
Let me break this down because I have difficulty understanding all this.
Are you against children eating healthy meals?
Hello?
Governor Christie, are you against?
No, of course.
When you phrase it like that, no, of course I'm forced to say I'm not against children eating healthy meals.
But what?
I have a gut reaction to the phrase children eating healthy meals like it's liberal and faggy.
And the Republican base does too.
So you're striking out at an aesthetic, phrases you don't like.
Yes, images, feelings, fears, anxieties.
None of them make sense.
But conservatism allows you to take those things, plug them into a quote-unquote ideology, and then make an enemy out of someone doing nothing really wrong.
Like Michelle Obama.
Exactly.
Here you have an in-shape, well-to-do, educated black woman in the White House.
Already half of America is furious right there.
She could say free puppies for everybody.
We'd still be mad.
She's trying to make our children eat healthily.
She's not coming into people's homes and telling them what to eat.
She's saying that public schools, which are charged with some degree to take care of children while they're at the school, maybe they should provide nourishing food, which, by the way, makes children do better in school.
All right, all right.
Just zip it.
Nobody wants to hear it.
But that is what.
I say, what's what?
Oh, that making sense shit.
You're missing the point.
The one comfort most working-class white Americans have is eating complete fucking garbage.
Thinking Mountain Boo and Funyuns is a fucking meal, that becomes part of their identity.
And they start to think of themselves as Mountain Boo and Funyons people and their children as well.
So when they hand their children over to the state, cold word for enemy, state, nanny, state, whatever.
The state tries to take their French fries and pepperoni beach away from them.
They feel the state is trying to take away their and their children's identity.
And since their identity is also Christian, this enemy must also be anti-Christian, probably Muslim, perhaps even satanic.
Okay, that makes absolutely no sense.
Of course not.
So here's what the Republicans do.
We play to those irrational fears directly, but we codify it.
We talk about choice, nanny state.
Like I said, big government.
Moms and dads know what's best for their Bambinos.
And we are able to make an enemy out of the people who are trying to actually help the children.
And if you were a deaf politician like myself, you run a political campaign on that shit.
Ah, the playing to old fears.
Exactly.
We all do it.
The winner of this race is going to be the one who plays on conservative working-class Americans' most fundamental face.
And that's how I'll beat Trump.
Oh, really?
How so?
What fears are Trump playing on?
Fear of Mexicans, terrorism, Muslims, dangerous people.
Right.
But what is that fear, really?
Fear of death, fear of Muslims blowing everything up is the fear of death.
Yeah, I suppose.
What do people feel more than death, Jimmy?
I don't know.
More than being killed, people fear being nullified, being erased, being told they don't matter, that they are impotent bystanders watching the parade of history go by.
That is a fate worse than death.
If you get killed, your son's going to avenge you.
But if your entire identity is annihilated, your children's are still.
Okay.
And this is how the overweight, underpaid white, working-class American feels.
And combine those fears with the fears of having to face the fact that you were a bad parent because you feed your children fucking garbage.
Which is what the very concept of healthy eating and nutritious food only serves.
You have a very fertile ground for serious demagoguery.
And you've been planting seeds in that fertile ground, haven't you?
Exactly.
I'm planting.
Are you motherfucker?
You tricking me with a gun shit.
Anyway, Donald Trump thinks he can play on fear, but he doesn't understand fear because he's never felt it.
I understand fear, my friend.
And fear is my ally.
I'm Fat Man.
I thought the school lugs, Tyree, a tirade on your part was just thoughtless pandering, but it seems like this is a very clever, calculating, terrifying thing strategy.
Precisely, Jimmy Door.
You can laugh at my front butt all you like on your little show.
But believe me, this pubic beach ball of mine will be definitely telegraphing to the good people of Iowa that I am one of you.
I understand you.
And I will protect you from what you fear the most, asparagus and sit-ups.
Or, more specifically, having to admit those are good things and not, in fact, satanic.
Well, it's been terrifying talking with you.
Thanks for stopping by, Governor.
My pleasure.
Now, if you excuse me, I have to cure the heartburn I get from talking to liberals by coating my esophagus with molten chunky monkey.
Okay, governor Chris Christie.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Hey, do you have a Macintosh computer that's not running right?
Well, Sean James can fix it for you right over the internet, like he does for me all the time.
It's like magic.
Send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And he spells Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
So, Sarah Palin endorsed Donald Trump.
As Chris Salizza said on Twitter, a former politician turned reality star just endorsed a reality star turned politician.
And, you know, I'm certainly no fan of Trump or Palin, but I have to admit, this is a great day for total fucking morons everywhere.
Am I right about that, Frank?
Yes, you are.
And she's endorsing Trump because, let's face it, Trump has cheated on just enough wives and boinked just enough mistresses to appeal to Palin's deeply held Christian beliefs.
So let's listen.
So I just thought I picked out Crooks and Liars, had some of what they consider the meatiest part of the endorsement speech that Sarah.
It was a word salad from start to finish.
And it's fun to see that immediately people are just, she's just a clown, right?
So no one take.
Look at these two clowns on stage.
This is unbelievable.
And no one takes her seriously off the bat anymore.
I mean, in mainstream media, which is nice to see.
Have you seen anybody take her seriously, Frank?
Actually, Chris Matthews.
He thought that the original speech that she made, which I didn't see this, but I saw online that he said that it was really electrifying.
And great.
And then tonight I watched him, and he was talking about how Sarah Palin is a great, his words, a great representative of a certain populist strain in our country.
In other words, he wasn't talking about how what she said was bad shit.
He was finding real value in it.
He was trying and finding a way to compliment Sarah Palin.
So let's just listen.
Yes, he was.
And actually, and I didn't see it, but and this is no surprise, MSNBC aired her speech in its entirety without any cuts or edits.
This is true.
Of course, they aired Sarah Palin's endorsement speech of Donald Trump unedited, live, and as it happened.
Bernie Sanders, by the way, I bet he didn't make it on the channel.
So here we go.
So I didn't edit this.
I've listened to this before.
We're just going to play it and have fun.
Here we go.
So it can be an unbeatable team with fighters there in the House and the Senate.
Yeah, our leader is a little bit different.
He's a multi-millionaire.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Listen to poor people cheering that a guy has a billion dollars.
So these are all poor people.
Woo!
He's got money.
That guy's got more money than me.
What is the mentality of that?
Woo!
He's got a billion dollars.
Woo!
We're poor.
Okay, here we go.
It's amazing.
He is not elitist at all.
Oh, I just hope you all get to know him more and more as a person and a family man.
That is about as genuine as my vinyl coat.
He is a family man.
He wants to bang his daughter.
That's kind of a family man.
That makes him a family man.
And he's not an elitist at all.
He's just, you just call him a billionaire, but he's just a regular person.
Come on.
He puts on his second house one few at a time.
And by the way, no one in that audience could afford to live in any of his condo buildings.
And plus, he would, the condo board would turn them all down because they would bring down the real estate value of the place.
That is correct.
What he's been able to accomplish with his, it's kind of this quiet generosity.
Yeah, maybe he's his large quiet generosity.
Which is another way of saying he's not generous.
If there's anything Donald Trump is known for, it's being quiet and generous.
It's his subtlety when he's being magnanimous to the little man.
That's certainly what he's over.
I like what you said, Very.
In other words, he doesn't have any.
Because there we go.
There we go.
Kind of, I don't know, some would say, gets in the way of that quiet generosity and his compassion.
But if you know him as a person and you'll get to know him more and more, you'll have even more respect, not just for his record of success and the good intentions for America, but who he is as a person.
He's not an elitist.
No, who he is as a person is a misogynistic, race-baiting, selfish, narcissistic, jagoff with a personality disorder, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, who thinks he made it all himself.
That's who Donald Trump is.
He's now on his third anchor wife.
Right.
And his one of his wives gave a disposition accusing him of raping her.
That's correct.
A family man.
So a real family man.
The idea that anyone who really called themselves a Christian could support Trump, it just proves how full of shit they all are.
Yes.
You know, if we ever supporting him is full of shit about their religion.
They're not devout people who they say they are because they're supporting a guy who lives a life that goes against everything they supposedly believe in.
Well, they really enjoyed listening to him read to them number two Corinthians the other day.
Number two Corinthians.
Did you hear him say that?
Yes.
That's two corrections.
Number two.
By the way, number two Corinthians was the code word Danny Thomas would use when he called it.
Wait a minute.
But who he is as a person?
He's not an elitist.
And yes, as a multi-billionaire, we still root him on because he roots us on.
And he has spent his life with the working man.
And he tells us, Joe Six Packs, he said.
He spends his life with the working man, Donald Trump.
Yes.
Donald Trump, who has an elevator for his car in his condo, I'm sure.
He spends his time with the working man.
He thinks Arsenio Hall is the working man.
Are you kidding me?
There's a working man that works inside of his car elevator, though.
That's fair.
That's right.
That is correct.
He spends his life with the work.
And then people just like, yeah, whatever you say, say water is dry and black is white and up is thou.
Say it.
We'll love it.
I worked very, very hard and I've succeeded.
Hugely.
I've succeeded, he says.
And he says, and I want you to succeed too.
And that is refreshing because he, as he builds things, he builds big things, things that touch the sky, big infrastructure that puts other people to work.
He has spent his life.
He builds infrastructure.
He's building things.
Infrastructure.
Lots of things.
Things that touch the sky and things you see.
He's building infrastructure.
Remember when he put the Northeastern Power Grid together?
Remember when Trump did that?
He builds great structures that black people are not allowed to live in.
Yes, they're very, that touch the sky.
Looking up and respecting the hard hats and the still-toed boots and the work ethic that you all have within you.
He being an optimist, passionate about equal opportunity to work.
This self-made success of his, you know, that he doesn't get his power.
Self-made.
Well, Frank, you know, he started off with just a modest $1 million loan from his father.
That's what he said.
His dad just left.
Just a little loan.
And by the way, his dad is a well, might even be a bigger racist than he is.
Oh, no, doubt.
I was just reading a thing in the Village Voice because they found these doc.
Woody Guthrie, the folk singer, lived in a Fred Trump apartment in Brooklyn.
And he wrote about, they just found these documents where Woody Guthrie wrote about the discriminary practices of Trump, of old man Trump, is the way Woody Guthrie describes him in these little things that he wrote.
Donald Trump is not as big a racist as he might be.
Who knows?
Well, but the point is, though, is you can clearly see that his racism really has roots in something.
It comes from who he is.
He's always been that way.
The first time he was ever written about in the New York Times in 1973 was about black people accusing him of discriminary, discriminatory practices in one of his buildings.
Racism is a part of Donald Trump's DNA.
Okay.
High off of opium, other people's money, like a lot of dopes in Washington do.
They're addicted to opium, where they take other people's money, and then their high is getting to redistribute it, right?
And then they get to be really popular people when they get to give out your hard money.
Well, he doesn't do that.
His power, his passion, it's the fabric of America.
And it's woven by work ethic and dreams and drive and faith in the Almighty.
What a combination.
Are you ready to share in that again, Iowa?
Because that's what's going to let you make America great again.
I didn't know the fabric of America was a KKK hood.
That's what it certainly is, Michael.
It's all cotton.
To empower you to look out for one another again instead of relying on a bankrupt government to supposedly be looking out for you.
No.
no, you should rely on a billionaire who doesn't give a shit about you.
Someone who's so transparent, Ray Charles could see through him.
That's who you should put.
That's who you should put your trust in.
An anti-government guy who never built a building without tax breaks from tax breaks from the government.
And Iowa, I believe, too, that you're ready to see that our vets are treated better than illegal immigrants are treated in this country.
That's one of my favorite gross things that Sarah Palin and the right wing do.
They somehow pit the veterans against illegal immigrants or immigrants to our country to emigrating poor Mexicans.
Somehow they're to blame for our veterans not getting taken care of from our government because they sent them to get beat up, killed, and maimed.
And they come home with broken from these wars that they sent them to.
Illegal, unnecessary.
We're so opposed.
We're so opposed to foreigners entering a country that they're not invited in that we invaded Iraq.
Yes.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right.
So that's just so somehow you're so what that does is you get to whip up, you get to be angry at immigrants at the behest of veterans.
That there's no connection between those two at all.
Yet they always pretend that there's some kind of connection.
Oh, the veterans are getting treated worse than immigrants.
I hate immigrants.
That's what that is, right?
And many, and we had soldiers who went to Iraq who were immigrants and were given, promised, they were given citizenship for serving in the correct.
And by the way, there's also Muslims in our armed services.
Can you believe it?
There are.
Just like they're drawing from the same pool of money and like there's only enough money to support one of those two groups.
Either you choose veterans or it's the immigrants.
And right now, the money's all going to the immigrants.
You know, the immigrants are cleaning up.
They're cleaning up house, guys.
That's right.
That's right.
They're literally cleaning up house.
Yeah, they literally open up Main Street again.
And you're ready to stop the race baiting in the division based on color and zip code to unify around the right issues.
Frank, I'm going to play it again.
And after what you just said, I think this is perfect.
And you're ready to stop the race baiting and the division based on color and zip code to unify around the right issues.
The issue is important to me or I wouldn't be endorsing him.
Pro-life, pro-second amendment, strict constitutionality.
He's got the strict constitutionality, Mother Nature's recipe.
So she's, you know, the divisive racist policies of the Barack Obama administration.
You know how the lefties are always stirring up racism.
Right.
Because they stirred up race.
They stirred up racism by electing a black president.
Yeah, I mean, who could be more divisive?
You got to stick it right in our face, a black guy, when there were two perfectly good white people running.
Yes.
I could keep going.
I'm going to.
That are unifying values and their time-tested truths involved.
These are unifying values from big cities and tiny towns, from big mountain states and the big apple, to the big, beautiful heartland that's in between.
What is she talking about?
Finally, friends, I want you.
Everything from the big apple to the big mountains to the big wheel.
I got Trigg when he was three years old.
Track, trigged, whatever.
To try to picture this, it's a nice thing to picture.
Exactly one year from tomorrow, former President Barack Obama.
He packs teleports.
He's leaving office.
He has to leave office.
Yeah, you know why he's leaving office?
Why are they feeling like that's going to be something that they're going to be responsible for?
The Constitution says Barack Obama has to leave office next year.
It has nothing to do with what you people are doing.
Barack Obama, who's leaving office next year, eight years after he kicked my ass at an election.
Exactly.
And then he went ahead and kicked our ass again.
This is after his second term.
He's leaving.
We win.
Hey, there's a lot more to our breakdown of Sarah Palin's word salad.
Plus, there's another clip where she goes on to blame Barack Obama for her son's domestic violence situation that really happens.
The Party of Personal Responsibilities pointing the finger at the President of the United States for not raising Sarah Palin's kid better.
So we break that down.
Plus, guess what?
That's in the premium content.
And you know what else is coming up in the premium?
There's a lot more coming up this week.
But also a phone call from Peter King.
You know, he went on Chris Matthews and he was upset with Ted Cruz.
He was upset with calling Ted with Ted Cruz saying that stuff about New York values.
And he even called him a hypocrite.
And here's a little piece of it.
I talked to Ted.
I talked to Peter Kick.
Well, you came within a hair's breadth of calling him a liar on national television.
Oh, wait, Jimmy, here's another news flash.
Carl's gone.
So you get that plus a lot lot more.
We've been given hour-long, hour-long episodes in the premium lately.
So how do you become a premium member?
It's real easy.
It's $5 a month.
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Okay, so go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and become a premium member.
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All right, that's it for this week.
Today's show was written by Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuit, Frank Conniff, Robert Yasamura, Michael Schertzer, and Steph Zamarano.
All the voices today perform by the one and the only, the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
That's it for this week.
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