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Dec. 18, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Between the American public and a billionaire, the police will always choose the billionaire.
And Trump's goons are already lining up for service, which is why the New England Police Union just endorsed right-wing extremists and modern-day Hitler wannabe, Donald Trump.
Yeah, the cops are on the side of a fascist billionaire who wants to round up 11 million people, have the government register certain peoples of a certain religion, and is cool with internment camps for U.S. citizens.
Feel safer?
Look at Occupy Wall Street, and you'll see that the American police force is already the billionaire's Gestapo.
Hitler had the brown shirts.
Trump has blue shirts, and Chris Christie has the tight pants.
Every day in America, cops are accustomed to being the deciding votes.
People who support Trump are comfortable with the police state, but anyone who believes in democracy shouldn't be comfortable.
Trump says, we can't worry about being politically correct or even being a semi-decent human being, apparently.
When you're born into wealth like Trump, you don't worry about much.
Politically correct has become the clarion call of the angry white idiot who feels victimized that he can't harass Jews, blacks, or Muslims.
You got the guts to be really politically incorrect?
Get this.
Just recently, a judge ruled on a former Georgia deputy who threw a grenade in a crib and critically injured a 19-month-old baby in a mistaken drug raid.
The grenade ripped open a hole in the baby's chest that exposed ribs and covered the baby in burns.
The cop was acquitted of any wrongdoing.
In Chicago, a police commander was found not guilty of aggravated battery and misconduct when he shoved his gun down the suspect's throat while threatening to kill him.
Even though the man's DNA was found on the cop's gun, the judge still did her job and saved that cop from facing justice.
You know, a state unwilling to protect its citizens from the police is one that we live in.
They won't even protect a 19-month-old baby.
A militarized police force, a culture of brutality, broken justice system, all of which demands reform.
Or is that too politically incorrect?
I want a heart attack!
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
the show for gut-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you too.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined in the studio, our makeshift studio.
I'm joined by a hilarious comedian from Team Yasimura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
Ohio.
Ohio, class of submarine.
I got it in the pool.
Anyway, also with us, hilarious comedian Michael Schertzer.
Hey, Michael.
Hey, Jimmy, I saw a Donald Trump bumper sticker on my way here.
Or as I call him, a Trump stamp.
Bam!
Trump stamp.
Next to him is a hilarious comedian, Hank Thompson.
Hey, Hank.
Hey, buddy, vote for Donald.
All right.
Let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes.
How about, you know, I don't know if you guys have been to the movies, but, you know, in the first Independence Day, aliens attack, right?
But in the sequel, they've come up with a clever twist.
Aliens attack again.
A little different.
You know that warm feeling you had when Hans Solo first appeared in a Star Wars trailer?
Sure.
That's how Republicans feel whenever Trump says something racist.
You know, Trump refuses to answer questions about his birtherism.
He's not answering those questions now.
It's true.
He told because he told that lie ages ago, and he wants to press to focus on lies that he's telling now.
Staying on message.
I don't know if that's a joke, so much is horribly accurate.
Horribly accurate.
Sometimes just telling the truth is funny.
So, by the way, I don't know if you've seen what's been happening at his rallies.
They've been beating the crap out of anybody who gets out of line.
And Trump, his campaign rallies are like if Hee Haw was directed by Liony Rifenstah.
Did I say her last name correctly?
Lenny Riefenstahl.
Trump campaign rallies are like if Hee Haw was directed by Lenny Riefenstahl.
Move forward.
What is it?
Riefenstahl.
But it's all right.
Riefenstahl is.
Hey, did you know that the American translation of Mein Kampf is art of the deal?
You know, I don't know if you saw the GOP debate.
We're going to cover it in today's show pretty extensively, but you know that macho swagger the GOP candidates had at the debate that stems from them having collectively accumulated exactly zero years of military service.
Did you hear Bill Cosby's back in the news?
He's suing seven of his accusers.
Yes, he's suing his accusers.
But I say let's wait till all the facts are in before we accuse him of being a piece of shit rapist that he is.
I say let's be open to the idea that Bill Cosby raped only 40 women as opposed to 47 women before we judge him too harshly.
Hey, Ted Cruz is leading Trump in Iowa.
And I say it's good to see Republicans are rejecting Trump's hateful ideology in favor of Cruz's hateful ideology.
You know, GOP voters switching from Trump to Cruz.
It's like loving Batman forever, but then deciding that Batman and Robin is the real masterpiece.
It's like diet hate with less calories.
It is.
It's got a third less calories on the regular hate.
They love his racism, Trump supporters.
They love his racism and sexism.
But what excites Trump supporters most of all is his promise to tell them about the rabbits?
Hey, did you hear Chris Christie during the debate said he looks forward to meeting with King Hussein of Jordan?
Did you hear about that?
I heard, yeah.
He said he wanted his accusation.
Look forward to meeting with King Hussein of Jordan.
And I look forward to that meeting too, because King Hussein has been dead for about a decade.
Hey, Carly Fiorina is in the Carly Fiorina said that the U.S. government is far behind with its technology.
Leave it to a lady who crassed Hewlett Packard to the ground to point that out.
Am I right?
There's irony there.
Hey, did you see how much Lindsey Graham was crying at the under debate?
Did you see that?
Yes.
While all the other candidates were debating, Lindsay was watching the notebook on his iPad.
It's a classic.
Classic.
Did you know Jeb Bush said, you can't insult your way to the presidency?
He said that at the GOP debate.
And Trump responded, ask your brother.
You know, during the GOPC and end debate, they ran an ad for Dubai.
Yeah, during the GOP debate, Dubai ran an advertisement because nothing says journalistic integrity like selling ad space to a brutal Middle Eastern dictatorship best known for slavery.
There you go.
Hey, Marco Rubio said we should kill people and then others will cooperate.
So his position is officially terrorism.
What's coming up on today's show?
We're going to take a hard look at the GOP debate.
And what does it say about the GOP field?
Are they all crazy or are they batshit crazy?
Warmongering maniacs.
I don't know.
We'll decide.
I'll report.
You'll decide.
Plus, we got phone calls today.
Peter King.
Peter King, Bernie Sanders, and maybe even Jeb Bush.
We'll see.
And a lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
What fresh hell is this?
Hey, Senator Sanders, it's Jimmy Doy.
How you doing, buddy?
Oh, hi, Jimmy.
How are you?
It is good to hear from you.
I'm doing good, but you sound a little upset.
How are you doing?
Well, I'm trenching all over this great nation of ours, trying to get my message across.
And quite frankly, I'm starting to feel like I'm schmitzing into the void here.
But you're the king of online politicians, and you're connecting with the crucial youth vote that could conceivably carry your election.
Isn't that something to be happy about?
Yes, Jimmy agreed.
That is all well and good.
I'm very satisfied with that facet of my campaign, admittedly.
However, at some point, you have to take a break from doing this rock the vote shit and talk to some other grown-ups.
These young people interviewing me for their online college new shows, I swear to God, they make Tabitha Sauron look like John Chancellor in comparison.
I swear to God, if I hear one more sentence that begins with the words, I feel like, and then end like it has a question mark, I'm going to stick one of these courtyard by Marriott pens into my eye.
So what are you saying?
I need network coverage, Jimbo, and Tootsweet.
Yeah, I guess that's the rub, huh?
ABC News has spent 81 minutes covering Donald Trump, but only one minute covering your campaign this year.
What do you think about that?
What do I think about that?
What do you think I think about that?
It's a travesty, but not surprising in the least.
Rawding meat attracts magnets, and that's what most of the media are.
Let's be honest.
I agree with that.
Donald Trump is flashy and full of stunts, so he gets attention.
I have to do my own version of that, I suppose.
No, Bernie, please don't stoop to that level.
Don't do that.
Don't worry, Jimmy.
I'm not talking about stooping to his level, per se.
But I do mean drawing attention to myself in a bona fide Bernie Sanders way.
For example, I've been sitting down a lot and talking with a rapper named Magic Mike.
Don't you mean Killer Mike?
Yeah, what did I say?
You said Magic Mike.
You mean the stripper?
I guess.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
To be clear, I have been having a dialogue with Killer Mike the rapper, not Magic Mike, the stripper.
Okay, okay, I got it.
Anyway, not only was it an opportunity to have a constructive dialogue about face in this country, among other matters, but I thought it was a positive thing to have a Brooklyn Jew and a black person have a conversation about something other than eviction.
Right, right.
But that wasn't enough to get more than one goddamn minute in one of the big three news networks.
So we're thinking about maybe staging a dialogue about Star Wars with me and a hologram of Tupac Shakur.
Bernie, no, Bernie.
You know, why is it Luke Skywalker in the previews?
Where is Max Moncidow?
Who does he play?
Tupac, what do you think about the obvious Darth Vader references and his influence on Kylo Wren?
Does this franchise run the risk of collapsing under the weight of its own legacy?
I'm here to listen to what you have to say.
Please help us, Tupac Shakur.
You're our only hope.
Please, Senator Sanders, don't reduce yourself to this sort of spectacle.
Well, what the fuck else am I supposed to do?
You can't compete with these Trumps and unis, at least for news coverage.
Did you see CNN gearing up all day for the GOP debate?
Did you see the glint in those goons' eyes?
Yes, yes, I did see that, Bernie.
Yeah.
I watched all day Wednesday between the hard on over a potential school shooting in Los Angeles and they're hard on for the anticipation of rolling out the red carpet for this best bag fascist who's been predicted by everyone from Sinclair Lewis to Nostra Thomas.
It's a wonder they didn't have zinc supplements blatantly sitting out on the news desk.
That's gross.
Yes, but that's who I have to pander to, I'd say, but rather capture the attention of.
You need them, but they're a horrible beast.
Getting the attention of the mainstream media in this circus-like political atmosphere is like Jeff Goldblum waving the flare at the T-Rex in Jurassic Park.
In that moment, you desperately need to get its attention.
But when you do get its attention and it comes lumbering towards you, you say to yourself, oh, shit, this bloodthirsty lizard is going to tear me apart.
Well, how do you deal with that?
Attract them with the Tupac Sikor Star Wars conversation, some shit.
But when you have their undivided attention, stun them with policy discussions so dense and detailed that they won't know what to do with it.
Confuse them.
They have you hang on for a little while before they talk to you back, but hopefully by then your message will have reached enough middle-class workers and voters to have made an impact.
I see.
All right.
I see.
Well, Jimmy, that's enough metaphors and references for one day.
All right, Senator Sanders.
Thanks for calling in, buddy.
I appreciate it.
All right, I have to go.
I'm going to be on YouTube later tonight, which will hopefully be periscoped and reviewed well on Yelp by millennials with Kitty Cat Avatars.
Onward and upward.
Okay, Bernie Sanders.
So last year, the two days after Christmas, Christmas was on a Thursday.
And so on Friday and Saturday, we did shows here in Burbank, and it was fantastic.
Lots of people came out.
So we're doing it again this week.
So Christmas this week is on a Friday.
And we're going to be in Burbank at Flappers Comedy Club the Saturday and Sunday telling jokes.
Two shows each night.
And I want you to come hang out.
It seems like it's a big release for people.
They're spending too much time with their family and they love to get out.
So come on out and hear me tell jokes about the world and my family.
And there's a discount ticket link over at jimmydoorcomedy.com for the Jimmy Door show listeners.
So that's the two days after Christmas.
That's a Saturday and Sunday.
So Saturday and Sunday, December 26th and 27th, I'll be at the Burbank Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, California.
Okay.
So again, discounted ticket links over there.
Hey, and by the way, if you want, if you want to be put on my guest list for the Sunday night show, the first show Sunday, which is at 7 p.m., Saturday shows are 8 and 10.
Sunday is 7 and 9.
So if you want to get put on that 7 o'clock show, you can send me an email at my old timey email, jimmydoor at earthlink.net, or you can call my Jimmy Door Show hotline, 323-375-4170.
That's 323-375-4170.
And we'll put you on my guest list for the early show, Sunday, the 27th.
That's a 7 p.m. show.
But we're doing shows both nights, December 26th, 27, two shows both nights.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a discounted link, and we'll see you there.
So I was watching the GOP debate.
It was the most boring debate in the history, I think, of debates.
Nobody seemed like they wanted to be there.
Nobody.
They all seemed to be like somebody was twisting their arm.
And, well, they start off with the national anthem, right?
So they have some buddies sing the national anthem, and then they show them.
And look, just watch Ted Cruz.
If Ted Cruz can outmaniac you, even just listening to the national anthem.
Bangle.
Bangle.
Now, watch where his hand is.
Watch what.
Oh.
That's a Masonic post.
He's putting his hand inside of his suit coat over his heart because it's closer to his heart.
He doesn't want wool to be getting in between.
He doesn't want sheep hair to get in between his hand and the skin that's covering the ribs that are covering his heart.
He wants to get closer.
So he doesn't go under the shirt, which I'm a bearback patriot.
He is a bearback patriot.
You don't love America unless you go in raw.
Well, who does that?
Who, who does?
Did you know what that reminds me of?
One time, I swear to God, I was a little kid and I went to a public bathroom.
And you know how they have urinals?
And so as a kid, urinals in a line when you're like six or seven.
That's like a big, that's like daunting, right?
It's like, oh, there's grown men and there's a lot of things happening.
And I remember one time I was sitting there and there was a guy at the urinal and he had pulled his pants all the way down to his ankles at the urinal.
And that's what that is to me.
It's like, dude, you don't have to go.
You're going a little too far.
You don't have to put your hand inside of your suit coat during the national anthem.
I like to think that he's pinching his nipple, that he's like getting really hard.
Is that what he's doing?
He's getting it real hard.
Oh, you're, God damn it.
We're going to debate the shit out of this shit tonight.
Okay.
All right.
So there's Ted Cruz being a maniac.
I'm a maniac.
So here's how Wolf Blitzer started off the GOP debate.
He was laying the groundwork.
This is what the debate was going to be about.
Now, the video clip, for whatever reason, when it was broadcast here in Los Angeles on the West Coast, it slips a little, but I'll tell you what he says after.
Since you terror attacks in Paris and San Bernardino, the FBI director says the country now faces the greatest terror threat since 9-11.
You all have different approaches to keeping the country safe, and that will be the focus of tonight's debate.
Okay, so here's exactly what he just said.
He said, since you last debated, Americans have witnessed terror attacks in Paris and San Bernardino.
Also in Colorado.
Yeah.
Also in Colorado.
Did not bring that up.
Isn't that weird?
There was a guy with some high-powered guns, went into a Planned Parenthood, shot it up.
He was Christian.
He was forwarding a political ideology.
And he didn't mention that.
Isn't that wild?
Also, how many Americans witnessed the terror attacks in Paris?
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
Since Americans have witnessed, I guess on TV, that's where we witnessed them.
Sure.
So I thought that was very interesting.
So basically, if you're a white Christian, that doesn't count as terrorism in America.
But if you're Muslim, it does count, right?
Because the San Bernardino people, that's homegrown.
That guy was born here.
Right.
So, and by the way, those accounts that she had made some G-Odd statement on Facebook, that didn't happen.
That was all BS.
That didn't happen.
That was all wishful.
That's told lies.
That was all wishful thinking.
So I think that's interesting, right?
So if you're dark and Muslim, that's definitely a terrorist attack.
But if you're white and Christian, that's a guy with mental problems and he's a lone wolf.
We just have to, you know, after somebody has to talk to that fella.
He's a nice guy.
Even though, you know, he killed a cop and shot a vet.
And more clearly articulated his political standpoint.
Very clearly articulated his political standpoint.
And in fact, not only is he being charged with murder, but he's also being charged with plagiarizing the right-wing talking points in court.
That's how much that guy.
So, okay.
So it was all going to be about terrorism and security and safety.
And you know what else they didn't mention as a threat to the safety and security of our country?
They didn't mention climate change.
Right.
Right.
Even though the Defense Department lists climate change as a major factor, as a big threat to our security.
In fact, the Department of Defense said global climate change will have a wide-ranging implication, will have wide-ranging implications for the United States national security entrance over the foreseeable future.
It is a present security threat, not strictly a long-term risk.
That's what the U.S. Department of Defense said.
It also said it is climate change is all they are.
The Defense Department is already observing the impacts of climate change and shocks and stressors to vulnerable nations and communities, including in the United States, the Arctic, Middle East, Africa, Asia, and South America.
So climate change is a big threat to national security.
It's a big threat to the stability of the world, right?
Sure.
So didn't come up.
Nobody brought it up.
Nobody brought it up.
You know who brought it up?
John Kasich brought it up.
And here's how John Kasich brought it up.
Here's how John Kasich brought it up.
First and foremost, we need to go and destroy ISIS.
And we need to do this with our Arab friends and our friends in Europe.
And when I see they have a climate conference over in Paris, they should have been talking about destroying ISIS because they are involved in virtually every country across this world.
Yeah, yeah, they shouldn't be talking about climate change.
Talk about that.
Does Syrian drought play a huge role in the war in Syria?
Leading up to it?
No, no, no.
He's right.
ISIS is in every country.
You know how ISIS is huge in like Norway?
Yeah.
Oh, sure.
I've been.
Do you ever go to Dublin just to hang out with your Irish ISIS?
The interesting thing.
When Irish ISIS are smiling.
The whole world is bright and gay.
But when ISIS eyes are smiling, they will steal your heart away.
So you are correct, Robert.
They say that all this problem in Syria, all the big unrest that was caused by a drought, which was caused, which we now know is caused because it's been published in peer-reviewed papers that that drought was connected to climate change.
So there was a drought in Syria.
The Syrian government couldn't provide for its people.
The farmers left their farms because of the drought.
They came into the cities looking for work, looking for help.
The government couldn't help them.
The government went to the UN, said, could you help us?
We're having a drought.
The UN said, no, we won't help you.
But if this causes a civil war, we will help somebody bomb you.
So this is directly why the whole night they talk about ISIS, they don't talk about in Syria and they don't talk about how that got started.
They don't talk about climate change.
The Department of Defense has said this is a big deal.
Never comes up.
And the only time it does come up is when John Kasich dismisses it.
He comes up to, ah, that's science crap again.
Would you guys with the science?
The U.S. Department of Defense says this.
This isn't, these aren't a bunch of hippies in San Francisco, right, at a college.
Okay.
These aren't a bunch of knuckleheads.
These are military people saying this.
So the real threat to America, of course, was not brought up the whole night.
They spent the whole night talking about a terrorist group called ISIS that doesn't even own a fucking plane.
Okay.
For two hours, they wanted us to shit our pants over ISIS.
And guess what?
The country is.
The country couldn't be more afraid.
It worked perfectly.
The military-industrial complex is very happy with how upset, scared, and afraid the whole country is because that means endless money.
The whole night they talked about ramping up the military budget.
We got to rebuild the Air Force.
We got to rebuild the Navy.
Rebuild.
Again, ISIS doesn't have a plane.
Okay.
And by the way, meanwhile, one of our biggest problems in the military and in the intelligence community is our cyber defense.
That's a known fact.
And if you want to talk about what is going on with ISIS, we could play the whole game purely by computer.
That's where if we're going to defeat ISIS, which we probably won't, but if we're going to do it, we're going to do it by computer.
I agree with you.
I made the point in another YouTube video that we did this week that, you know, when Anonymous took down 900 ISIS Twitter accounts, it did more damage to them than dropping 900 bombs on them.
Dropping bombs on them, it sounds crazy, but it only makes them stronger.
Yeah, it recruits more terrorists than to taking down their Twitter, which stops them from recruiting.
That's what started ISIS, by the way.
As Steph said on this show, we've bombed them into existence.
They used to be called Bathists.
That was Saddam's party.
And then the geniuses got rid of all the Bathists.
And then they had to go somewhere and they went to ISIS.
So here's Rand Paul.
Here's what he says.
Now, this is the only one and only sane thing you're going to hear all night.
Ready?
Here it is.
The question is, how do we keep America safe from terrorism?
Trump says we ought to close that internet thing.
The question really is, what does he mean by that?
Like they do in North Korea?
Like they do in China?
Rubio says we should collect all Americans' records all of the time.
The Constitution says otherwise.
I think they're both wrong.
I think we defeat terrorism by showing them that we do not fear them.
I think if we ban certain religions, if we censor the internet, I think that at that point, the terrorists will have won.
Regime change hasn't won.
So I don't understand.
Remember, we all used to say that after 9-11.
We used to say, hey, you know, if you stop, blah, blah, blah, the terrorists win.
If we do blah, blah, blah, the terrorists, by the way, the terrorists have won.
We do everything totally different.
We suspended the Constitution.
We suspended habeas corpus.
We now have to get felt up at the airport, right?
We immediately started ordering war crimes and torture.
I mean, we changed immediately we changed after 9-11.
The terrorists have won.
Well, to be fair, what Bush said was if you stop shopping, the terrorists have won.
Yeah, so that's the only metrics that the ruling part, the ruling class uses of whether the terrorists are winning.
Are they still shopping?
Are they still buying shit?
Okay, then we're still winning.
Do we have any rights?
Doesn't matter.
That's not how you measure winning or losing.
Do we still have money left over from the bomb sales?
No, we don't have any money left over.
It's all going to the bombs.
So that was the only sane thing.
By the way, here's a little bit more Rand Paul.
Killing secular dictators in the Middle East has only led to chaos and the rise of radical Islam.
I think if we want to defeat terrorism, I think if we truly are sincere about defeating terrorism, we need to quit arming the allies of ISIS.
If we want to defeat terrorism, the boots on the ground, the boots on the ground need to be Arab boots on the ground.
As commander-in-chief, I will do whatever it takes to defend America.
But in defending America, we cannot lose what America stands for.
Today is the Bill of Rights anniversary.
I hope we will remember that and cherish that in the fight on terrorism.
So it was nice to see Rand Paul just completely take him out of the self-out of the running for the GOP combination like that.
I don't know why he wants to sink his candidacy by trying to say sane things.
Here's a great way to help support the show that doesn't cost you any money this Christmas season, this holiday season.
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Go to a good cause, like the Jimmy Doer show.
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And now, without further ado, let's get back to the second half of the show.
Welcome back to the second half of the Jimmy Door show.
We got phone calls from Jeb Bush and Peter King coming up in this second half hour.
Right, Lyle, let's get back to the studio where I'm joined by Robert Yasamura, Steph Samurano, and Michael Schertzer.
And we're talking about the GOP debate.
And guess what?
They were all advocating for some war crimes.
Let's get back to the studio for our discussion.
So that was it.
That's it for the same talk on the show.
Rand Paul said it.
He got it out of the way.
How do we lose the terrorists?
We act differently.
We become afraid.
I can't believe that guy isn't winning.
I cannot believe Rand Paul is.
He doesn't have bigger.
Do you think there'd be more people in the Republican Party who cotton to his, but you know what?
He's for the blacks, right?
Getting out of the jail.
That doesn't play with your base.
I must say he brought like 15 to 20 people to debate that absolutely loved everything he was saying, though.
Yeah, about 15 or 20 people.
Treated that debate like a bringer show.
Yes.
So here they ask.
So it was all terror all night long.
They were scared.
And they would say things that didn't make any sense.
Like, here's Chris Christie.
Here's how he started off tonight.
America has been betrayed.
We've been betrayed by the leadership that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have provided to this country over the last number of years.
Think about just what's happened today.
The second largest school district in America in Los Angeles closed based on a threat.
Think about the effect that that's going to have on those children when they go back to school tomorrow.
Are they going to be asking, did the president stop people from making random, crazy threats?
Why won't the president press to stop the crazy random threat button?
Why won't he do it?
He won't do it because he's too politically correct, Michael.
That turned out to be a hoax.
There was no?
Yeah, it was no bomb threat, really.
Again, the city of New York got the same threat and went, no, we don't buy it.
And they just went on with school.
So clearly, the position of the mayor of Los Angeles was we're going to go with caution.
And somehow that's Obama's fault.
Yeah.
That's Obama.
It's Obama's fault that someone called in a hoax and that the superintendent of the LAUSD Los Angeles School District overreacted like a maniac and sent 650,000 kids back home, back home.
Most of them, you know, poor kids, right?
That their parents are working.
They're single moms, what have you.
And by the way, those kids don't get lunches then, right?
Anyway.
If you thought they were in dangerous at school, send them back to their irate parents.
That's a good idea.
That's unbelievable.
Chris Christie's now somehow blaming Barack Obama for some bomb threat in Los Angeles.
You know, it feels like a comic trying to do an open with a topical joke and it just doesn't work.
No.
He's trying to wedge his material into the topic of the day.
First and foremost.
The only wedge he likes are potato wedges.
Bam.
So here is, so now they all kept talking about terrorism.
They all tried to out Neanderthal each other.
Who could kill more people?
And, you know, because that's the party, the right to life party.
They really care.
They really care about life, especially if it's unborn.
So here's now, here's the other, here's another sane guy.
So Ron Paul and John Kasich, who's seen as the super mainstream alternative, he's sane.
Here's what he said.
First of all, Wolf, I said last February that we needed to have people on the ground, troops on the ground in a coalition similar to what we had in the first Gulf War.
John Kasich calling for a full-out war.
Hey, why don't we have more troops over in the Middle East again fighting in this war that nobody knows who the enemy is and who's our friend?
Everybody's fighting everybody.
I said last February we should start making mistakes.
I said last February we should really start screwing things up.
I said that.
This is the sane guy.
This is John Kasich.
He's the mainstream.
He's the establishment Republican.
He's going to give you the fastball down the middle position.
This is their fastball down the middle.
We should have been at war.
We should have way more war going on.
We've been at war for non-stop now for 14 years and these guys want to keep going.
Yes, they do.
They do.
Talk about warmongers.
Here's what Ted now, here they asked Ted Cruz.
Listen to what Ted Cruz, listen for the subtle dog whistle here.
You know, I'm reminded of what FDR's grandfather said.
He said, all horse thieves are Democrats, but not all Democrats are horse thieves.
In this instance, there are millions of peaceful Muslims across the world in countries like India where there is not the problems we are seeing in nations that are controlled, have territory controlled by al-Qaeda or ISIS, and we should direct at the problem, focus on the problem, and defeat radical Islamic terrorism.
It's not a war on a faith.
So I'm going to play that for you again because it's really, listen to what he's saying.
It's not that subtle.
It's not that subtle.
It's not what FDR's grandfather said.
He said, all horse thieves are Democrats, but not all Democrats are horse thieves.
You know, and people try and tell me that Ted Cruz isn't green.
He's recycling punchlines from FDR's grandpa.
You know what else Seth DR's grandfather said?
Never trust a Cuban from Canada.
How about that?
So what he's saying is not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims.
That's what he's saying.
Including the white Irish kind in the IRA.
They're also Muslims, apparently.
And by the way, he's also, he is very effectively linking that to the Democratic Party.
To the Democratic, yes.
Oh, very, yes.
a lot of things happening there.
He has a lot of...
Yes.
In fairness, guys, ISIS does vote Democrat.
Yes.
So this is, so the first, Robert, how horrible is it that the first time FDR is brought up, it's by Ted Cruz in the camp in the whole goddamn campaign.
First time in this election, FDR is Brought up, it's by Ted Cruz.
It's FDR's grandfather.
I think it's weird that the Democrats don't bring up FDR.
Yes, so what Cruz is saying is not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are, in fact, Muslims, which is true.
All terrorists are Muslims, including the Irish ones.
When the IRA was committing terrorist acts, nobody was proposing to stop immigration from Ireland, right?
Remember that?
Okay.
Nobody demanded Irish Americans to condemn the actions of the IRA.
Nobody proposed hunting down and killing Republican congressmen like Peter King for aiding and abetting terrorists.
Yes.
And by the way, FDR's grandfather said that, said that about Democrats when there were racists, separatists, and paranoid nativists in the Democratic Party.
So it's still the same type of people who want all those horses.
And by the way, Ted Cruz had to immediately leave the debate because he forgot to left his hat while he was cleaning Trump's pool.
So we had to get back there.
So that's Ted.
So that's basically, that's literally what they're saying.
All terrorists are Muslim.
There's no Christian terrorists.
That thing that they just had a guy at Planned Parenthood.
What about Dylan?
What about Dylan Roof?
What about Oklahoma City?
Exactly.
We can go and just talk about Eric Rudolph.
Again, how many fires at Planned Parenthoods?
Right?
We did that statistic on the show before.
Wasn't there some like 82 acts of terrorism at Planned Parenthood since the 70s?
So we've had lots of terrorism in America.
And by the way, there's been since 9-11, more terrorist acts in America committed by non-Muslims.
So that's just a fact.
So that's Ted Cruz saying, don't that's just that's just xenophobia.
That's just racism.
That's just don't ever pay attention whenever violence happens.
Don't pay attention to it.
Unless it's, you know, somebody darker, somebody looks Arab, maybe somebody of a different religion.
By the way, I like Trump's listening face.
Yeah.
I'm listening.
He's probably not, but he knows that that's his resting face.
You know that face he makes that face.
You know who makes that face?
Who used to make that face?
Mussolini.
Mussolini, yeah.
Mussolini is all the time.
Yeah.
He would make that face.
So Ted Cruz made the statement that he would carpet bomb ISIS, carpet bomb Mosul, right?
I don't know if you know what carpet bombing is, but here carpet bombing, by the way, war crime.
Carpet bombing is the indiscriminate bombing of a place.
Like you bomb the whole place, like you carpet a floor.
That's why they call it carpet bombing because you're bombing the whole place.
You're not targeting, right?
It's not targeted bombing, which is what you're supposed to do.
You're supposed to target military targets.
So you look up Operation Linebacker in the Vietnam War, in which we dropped more bombs on North Vietnam in basically a year than we did in all of World War II.
That would be an example.
We basically take B-52s and drop hundreds of 500-pound bombs outside of them.
They're non-targeted.
They're dumb bombs.
They just blow up everything within the area that they're dropped.
Or maybe like a signature strike, which is U.S. policy for drones right now, which just targets patterns of behavior.
Yes.
Not even people's identities.
Right.
This is correct.
So here they so Wolf Blitzer asks Ted Cruz, would you really do this carpet bombing?
Would you bomb carpet bomb innocent men, women, and children?
Because that's what carpet bombing is.
It's indiscriminate killing.
And here's what he says.
This is using overwhelming air power to utterly and completely destroy ISIS.
To put things in perspective, in the first Persian Gulf War, we launched roughly 1,100 air attacks a day.
We carpet bomb them for 37 days saturation bombing.
That didn't happen.
We didn't carpet bomb them.
We targeted specific military targets that we hit with smart munitions.
Yes, that was the whole thing.
The Patriot missile, the smart bombs, the smart bombs.
Remember that?
They were smart.
They had cameras on them.
We targeted them.
So what he's saying is not true.
We did not carpet bomb.
By the way, carpet bombing is still against the Geneva Convention.
It's still a war crime, correct?
Correct.
Also, these guys are talking about the Middle East like it's not happening right now.
Like there's no other conflicts.
What he's talking about happened like 10, 20 years ago before the deposition of Saddam Hussein of Libyan leader Mumar Gaddafi.
You know, it's like it's not happening 20 years ago.
It's happening now.
After which our troops went in and in a day and a half mopped up what was left of the Iraqi army.
So there you go.
You carpet bomb.
So he was asked again.
Right now Obama is launching between 50.
So here's what he says.
So now they're all upset that Barack Obama, even though the Air Force has said we're running out of bombs, he's bombing.
He's been bombing so much for the last year.
Remember, he wanted to invade.
He wanted to bomb Syria a long time ago and the country pushed back.
Well, they've been doing it anyway.
So they've been bombing so much, literally, that the head of the Air Force said we're running out of bombs.
Here's what Ted Cruz says about it.
Right now, Obama is launching between 15 and 30 air attacks a day.
It is photo op foreign policy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just see he's not really bombing them.
Apparently, he's Barack Obama doesn't want to bomb them because he's a secret Muslim and he's sympathetic to the ISIS terrorists.
That's what this is all about.
By the way, 30 missions a day is a lot of missions.
Yeah, photo op foreign policy?
You mean like that mission accomplished thing?
Ah, very good.
So Wolf Blitzer asks him once again.
I just want to get this straight, Ted.
Would you carpet bomb Raqqa, the ISIS capital, where there are a lot of civilians?
He's like, I would rock a Raqqa.
Would you, would you carpet bomb where there are a lot of civilians?
Here's what Ted said.
Yes or no?
You would carpet bomb where ISIS is, not a city, but the location of the troops.
You use air power directed and you have embedded special.
Yeah, that's not carpet bombing, Ted.
So he wanted to talk tough, wanted to sound like a badass.
And then Wolf Blitzer says, wait a minute, carpet bomb cities where people, innocent people are.
And then he says, no, you target the carpet bombing.
That's not a carpet bomb.
You discriminate with who you're indiscriminately bombing.
So that's a contradiction.
Wolf kind of cornered him.
Good for Wolf for asking the question twice, but he didn't point out that he's being contradictory.
That's not what carpet bombing is.
By the way, can I point out one thing?
Yeah.
Just him comparing the situation with ISIS to the first Gulf War that should disqualify him alone.
I agree.
For him to say, like, okay, so this is how you fight a war with a nation.
Yes.
ISIS is a very important thing.
So let's do exactly the same thing.
It couldn't be further.
Yeah, they're terrorists.
Saddam wasn't a terrorist.
Saddam had a country.
He had an army.
Yeah.
We invaded another country to steal their oil.
Oh, I wonder what other country did that.
Oh, I think we did that to him?
We invaded him so we could get his oil.
So when you do it with an army, it's not terrorism, especially if you're white.
It's called foreign policy.
That's called foreign policy.
That's called a muscular foreign policy.
That's what that's called.
So let's see.
Then they ask Hugh Hewitt asks the same thing of Ben Carson.
And here's what Ben Carson said.
We're talking about ruthless things tonight.
Carpet bombing, toughness, war.
Tough things tonight.
You know, war crimes.
Would you do them?
Would you order them?
Are you okay with killing, murdering children?
Tough, tough things.
That's how Hugh Hewitt put it, right?
We're talking about ruthless things tonight.
Carpet bombing, toughness, war.
And people wonder, could you do that?
Could you order airstrikes that would kill innocent children by not the scores, but the hundreds and the thousands?
Could you wage war as a commander-in-chief?
So Hugh Hewitt's sitting there going, hey, these guys are talking about killing kids by the thousands.
That's why we're supposed to hate terrorists, by the way, because terrorists don't have respect for human life.
That's what makes them so scary.
Well, interestingly enough, you should see the eyes of some of those children when I say to them, We're going to have to open your head up and take out this tumor.
They're not happy about it, believe me.
And they don't like me very much at that point.
But later on, they love me.
So if I carpet bomb some kids, later on, they'll love me.
Hey, I'm going to carpet bomb you.
You should see their look on their face when I say I'm going to carpet bomb them.
Is that the analogy he's making?
He compared brain surgery to carpet to carpet bombing, to bombing people, innocent children, to saving them with surgery.
He just compared those two.
Here we go.
You know, later on, you know, they really realize what's going on.
And by the same token, you have to be able to look at the big picture and understand that it's actually merciful if you go ahead and finish the job rather than death by a thousand pricks.
So you are okay with the deaths of thousands of innocent children.
So he just said that the merciful thing to do is to go ahead and finish them off.
Kill them all.
You killed half of them, kill the other half.
You killed the kid's mother, kill the kid.
That's the merciful thing to do.
Sometimes the more merciful thing to do is to go ahead and just carpet bomb people, innocent people.
That's what he's saying.
That is what he said.
He just said that.
And Hugh Hewitt's a little freaked out by the chatter on the show because, you know, say what you want.
He's right wing and he doesn't seem to be a maniac.
So let's listen again.
You have to be able to look at the big picture and understand that it's actually merciful if you go ahead and finish the job rather than death by a thousand pricks.
So you are okay with the deaths of thousands of innocent children and civilian.
It's like.
So he asks the obvious question.
So let me just frame accurately exactly what you're saying.
The implications of what you're saying is, yes, I'd be okay with killing thousands of innocent children.
And the crowd starts booing the questioner, the right-wing Hugh Hewitt.
They start booing.
Oh, what they're doing is boo reality.
Boo reality.
Why are you bringing up reality, actual consequences to the things he's saying?
A thousand pricks.
So you are okay with the deaths of thousands of innocent children and civilian.
It's like you got it.
You got it.
Donald Trump has been wiping the floor with Jeb Bush.
You know, come on, give me a break.
Jeb decided to stand up to Donald Trump, and here it comes.
Let's watch.
Watch, watch the moment when Jeb stands up to Donald Trump.
Let's watch.
We need toughness.
Honestly, I think Jeb is a very nice person.
He's a very nice person, but we need tough people.
We need toughness.
We need intelligence.
So, first of all, that's Donald Trump saying, hey, he's very nice, but we need toughness.
What he's saying is, he's kind of a pussy.
Wait, that's not what we need right now.
By the way, two privileged kids born with silver spoons in their mouth.
Both of them, right?
All right, here we go.
We need tough.
Jeb said when they come across the southern border, they come as an act of love.
You said in September 30th that ISIS was not a I'm talking right now.
I'm talking.
You can go back.
I'm talking right now, buddy.
I'm talking.
Hey, I'm talking over here.
I'm Jeb Bush.
I'm talking.
Well, that was a big deal for him to do that.
You could see it took all of his energy, everything, every fiber.
I'm talking.
I am talking.
He had a flashback to being bullied in middle school.
Oh, yeah.
He just looks like he was bullied all the time.
He's trying to stick up for himself.
Anyway, here he goes.
You interrupted me.
September 3rd.
You apologize, Jeb?
No.
Am I allowed to finish?
One at a time.
Don't say, am I allowed to finish?
Go ahead, Mr. Trump.
A little bit of your body.
I know you're trying to build up your energy, but it's not worth one at a time.
So that was it.
That was the big exchange.
That was a big exchange.
They went back.
Am I talking?
So it was funny.
As soon as Trump, as soon as Jeb Bush did stand up to him, Trump didn't know where to go.
He had to go to the moderator.
Am I talking to me?
So all you have to do is stand up to him.
Exactly what they've always said.
Stand up to a bully.
And what did they do?
They crumble.
He stood up to him.
He did start to crumble.
And then fucking Jeb backed out again.
That was it.
That was the big, that was his big moment.
He did kind of slink away.
Am I wrong?
Am I making it up today at the end?
He should have kept talking.
He shouldn't have stopped talking.
And he should have had a one-liner ready for Donald Trump right then.
The guy's standing right there with the biggest batch of crap on top of his head.
And you don't nothing?
Nothing.
The guy's got fishing line on his head.
That's 10-pound test.
I mean, all you say is we may need toughness now.
We don't need a bully.
We don't need an idiot.
We don't need.
We don't need it.
Call him an idiot.
Do whatever you want.
He so clearly is, and you have nothing to lose at this point.
I've got jokes.
I've got nothing.
We've got jokes for months about Donald Trump.
I'll sell you a couple.
Jeb Bush, I know you've got millions.
You got $100 million in your warp.
Give me a $10,000.
I'll sell you 10 zingers.
Hey, on the line, we have Jeb Bush.
Hi, Jeb.
How are you, buddy?
Hey, Jimmy.
How are you doing?
Good, good.
I just wanted to ask you about your performance last night.
Hey, yeah, you know, I think we should talk about the.
Yeah, no, no, Mike.
No, listen, Jeb, I'm talking now.
Well, you don't think it's a good idea for us to just get down to Brad's text and talk about how to do it.
Yeah, I'm just saying that's what Jeb is for.
I'm going to take charge of this call.
Yeah, Jeb, that's not how it works.
You don't have to.
And I'm going to do what a man with a phone does and just talk how I feel.
Just straight shoot.
Yeah.
Straight shooter.
Jeb, you can't.
Yeah, that's objection.
We're talking.
All right, Jeb, listen.
You can't interrupt your way to the White House, okay?
No, you listen.
I am listening, Jeb, but you're supposed to listen for a little bit.
Well, you better, because I'm talking.
Listen, Jeb, I'm just trying to let you know that.
Yeah, I am getting bushed.
Listen, I just want you to know that you can't interrupt your way to the president.
Hey, listen, listen.
All right, I'm going to go.
You're not listening.
Listen, this new story.
I don't think this new strategy is not working.
I'm going to say goodbye and just let you go because you keep interrupting.
I'm talking bush.
Okay, all right.
Jeb Bush, thanks very much.
No, don't you.
I'm going to hang up on you first.
No.
So at the GOP debate, they're all trying to out Neanderthal each other.
Chris Christie was asked an interesting question because all night they spent all night talking you how scared you ought to be.
Everything's scary.
The ISIS, the thing, we got to suspend all our rights and we got to keep Muslims out and bomb bomb bomb, carpet bomb.
And so Wolf Blitzer had a pretty good question for Chris Christie.
What steps would you take as President of the United States to ensure that fear does not paralyze America?
What steps would you take as President of the United States to ensure that fear does not paralyze America?
Wow, that's quite a question because the whole thing is the GOP, they run on fear, right?
So like, well, wait a minute, we need them to be paralyzed.
We need them to be paralyzed with fear so then we can keep our nonstop war going and keep all our military industrial complex donors happy.
And then we keep endless war for endless peace.
You know, that's the whole thing.
That's what this is all about.
So it's that fine balance.
So here's what Chris Christie said.
Wolf, unfortunately, it's the new normal under Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.
The fact is that if you listen to Hillary Clinton the other day, what she said to the American people was, as regards to ISIS, my strategy would be just about the same as the president's.
Just about the same as the president's?
We have people across this country who are scared to death.
Yeah, that's what Wolf is asking you about.
He's saying we've got people.
You've got him sufficiently scared now, Chris, and all he knows how to do is hit the scare him button.
He doesn't know how to stop.
He keeps going.
I can tell you this, as a former federal prosecutor, if a center for the developmentally disabled in San Bernardino, California, is now a target for terrorists, that means everywhere in America is a target for these terrorists.
Okay, I don't think Christie got the thrust of the question.
He's like, how would I deal with Americans being paralyzed with fear?
Well, first, I would paralyze them with more fear.
Then, nothing serious, break their legs, steal the retirement funds.
And if that doesn't do it, I just invite myself over for dinner.
Uh...
*Bell rings*
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Jesus Christ, it's me.
Congressman Peter King.
Yeah, that's the one that I am there.
How are you, Congressman?
How are you doing?
Let me ask you a question, Jimmy.
What is the question that Peter King wants to ask me, though?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
But you can find out that answer in the premium content this week.
That's right.
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It's only $5 a month for the whole month.
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There's a lot of great content coming in all the premium contents.
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I don't know if that's possible, but that's what people say.
Okay, and thanks to everybody who is a premium member because you are the people making this show possible.
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Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuit, Frank Conniff, Michael Schurtzer, Robert Yasamura, and Steph Zamarano.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Okay, happy holidays.
We're going to have a show.
We're dropping a fresh show next week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Dore saying you be the best you can be and I'll keep being me.
���� This Christmas, I'm staying in bed.
I haven't had a good sleep in a while.
And I think this Christmas is what it will take to make up all those hours I've lost doing nothing.
Nothing at all.
For if you sleep on Christmas, those hours of sleep are worth thousands.
If you sleep on Christmas, those hours of sleep are worth thousands.
I never have time because the days are so short.
Especially in Berlin when you think it's night at 4 p.m.
And I'm always running around catching colds and trains and I'm late for various appointments and the assortment of chaos of my everyday life is like a sampler of this and that with nothing to show for at the end of the day.
All I have is one big sleep deficit.
A giant debt that can never be paid.
It can never be paid back.
Except if you sleep on Christmas, those hours of sleep are worth thousands.
If you sleep on Christmas, those hours of sleep are worth thousands.
I will go to one of those sleep labs where the scientists will monitor the many levels of deep sleep that I willingly descend to while cables and devices are attached to my body.
A tangled mess of interconnectedness is not very sexy.
But despite all the beeping, monitoring machinery, I sleep like a baby and I dream of Santa being mean to me because I forgot all the lyrics to a tannenbaum and silent night.
An angel sent singing, flying around my head.
This is when I yell at them.
Go away, I'm not dead.
I'm just having a good sleep.
That is long overdue.
When I'm through with this ordeal, I will have paid back my debt.
Every hour, minute, and second of it.
And I will be set for the rest of my life with all the sleep I'll ever need.
It will be like betting on the right horse.
It will be like winning the lottery.
It will be like winning the lottery.
Because if you sleep on Christmas, those hours of sleep are worth thousands.
Because if you sleep on Christmas, those hours of sleep are worth thousands.
If you sleep on Christmas, those hours of sleep are worth thousands.
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