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Dec. 12, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
So I'm on hold with the president.
He's been taking a lot of guff over his speech about terrorism on Monday.
And I've been holding.
I just been on hold for a few seconds.
I don't know if he's going to pick up or what's going to happen.
Oh, who's this?
Oh, hey, Mr. President, it's Jimmy Door.
How you doing, buddy?
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
How are you?
Well, I got to say, you know, it was actually pretty easy getting through to you today, Mr. President.
We got right here.
Yeah, how about that shit, huh?
Yeah, I know.
I just got pranked told by Eric Erickson on this line.
Really?
Did he do the is your refrigerator running bit?
No, he just yelled the n-word and hung up.
You know, I'm not even sure that's a prank.
Listen, how are you doing these days anyway?
How are you feeling?
How am I doing?
Yeah.
Shit.
How's it look like I'm doing?
Suppose to be in the home stretch here tackling climate change, but I'm dealing with mass shootings, terrorist attacks, Donald Trump, House Republicans, you name it.
I gotta say, sir, it really looks like it's starting to take a toll on you, I will say.
Yeah, I know.
I'm aging so fast it looks like I drank out of the wrong holy grail.
And ISIS decides to rear its ugly head around about now.
That's convenient.
Republicans love ISIS.
Nothing validates their worldview more than a cartoonishly evil bunch of brown bad guys straight out of a 90s action movie.
You know, people are saying, people are saying that you aren't doing enough to confront ISIS.
That's what people are saying.
What do you say about that?
We're bombing the shit out of them and having for a year now.
What else do you want?
Boots on the ground?
No, I don't want boots on the air.
Yeah, no one does.
No one wants another ground war after Iraq, especially in a country right next to Iraq.
And the Republicans know this too, so they're all coy about it.
We're already bombing them.
They know calling for another ground war is a bad idea politically.
So what's left?
Tough talk.
Right, right.
Republicans love tough talk.
Yeah.
Bunch of chicken hawks.
You know, I got to laugh, Jimmy.
These are the least physically tough people I've ever seen.
They're calling me a pussy.
The GOP are a bunch of pasty white man-tittied high talkers who could win a schoolyard fight against a 10-year-old Syrian girl.
And they think they want to talk tough.
And Bobby.
They literally want me to be shit talking more.
Saying we're fighting terrorism, say that we're fighting extremism.
It isn't enough.
They want me to add Muslim in those sentences.
Islamic extremism.
Like me adding some fucking syllables that's going to make the bombs explode harder or some shit.
Oh, he's not saying Muslim.
He's not tough enough.
This is like if people gave FDR shit for never saying Hitler's middle name.
He never says Hitler's full name.
How do we know who we're fighting over there?
President L dance to talk tough and say full details with proper names.
The fuck, man.
They say over and over again that you can't fight the enemy if you don't know who the enemy is.
That's what they're saying.
That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
How does that even make sense?
How do we know who we're fighting if we don't say out loud what their religion is?
We know who the enemy is.
ISIS, Al-Qaeda.
They have names.
That's who we're fighting.
The people who say this shit are, by the way, are the same people who couldn't find Iraq or Syria on a map, even if they had pictures of buffet, wrench dress, and fountains on them.
What do they want you to say?
Again, Muslim.
Islam.
Islamism.
That last one's my favorite.
Have you ever heard of Christianityism?
No.
No, no.
I'd never heard of Christianityism.
Right.
But they don't, of course, actually want me to say that.
They just enjoy the fact that I don't say that.
See, they know I'm pragmatic, which in this instance means I don't actually want to start a cataclysmic war with a billion motherfuckers, or at the least accelerate the radicalization of young Muslim men all over the Middle East.
So they know I'm not going to say fuck Islam on CNN, pull my dick out and stick it in a ham or some shit.
They get to point that out that I don't trash Islam, which stirs up the whole is Obama's a secret Muslim thing.
I'm not even running in 2016, but these Tuckerwoods need to campaign against me in Iowa like I were running.
Yeah, that's the truth.
You know, it's pretty nuts how the GOP candidates are scrambling over themselves to see which one can be more hard-lined about this stuff.
Trump calling for the banning of all Muslims.
Christie saying he wouldn't even accept a five-year-old Syrian refugee kid.
Lindsey Graham saying that he has the toughest foreign policy of any of them.
Oh, Lindsey Graham.
Yeah.
You know what?
I hope that dude stays in the closet forever, so it won't ever be technically inappropriate to call him an effeminate pussy.
Wow.
That's something.
He's the head of this whole tough talk gang.
I hope the next time he talks tough on TV in that Truman Capote voice of his, they do a split screen of him next to a masked ISIS fighter holding a severed head, pointing a scimitar at the camera, saying, we're coming for your daughters in Arabic.
I just want to say, which one of these two dudes looks tough to you?
Go ahead, take your time.
Make a choice.
Well, which one looks tough right now?
That's the thing.
That's what these walking toilet paper rolls don't understand.
We can't win the tough talking game against a gang of psychotic murderers.
You ain't going to seem tougher than the mass killing, ancient monument-destroying, gang-raping doomsday cult motherfuckers.
You can seem right and just and on the right side of history next to these people, but you ain't going to be tougher.
And if you try, it's just going to show the world exactly how not tough you actually are.
Well, Mr. President, all I can say is I wish you luck over the coming year, buddy.
Good luck figuring this out.
Really?
Don't worry about me, Jimmy.
After January 20th, 2017, I'm going to be a stay-at-home dad with two teenage daughters.
I'm going to enjoy these last few months of peace while I can.
Okay.
All right, President Barack Obama.
Thank you very much.
Thanks, buddy.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...up-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
In charge of talking to TV.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined in the studio across the desk from me, a hilarious comedian you Know her from the miserable liberal liberal?
It's the miserable liberal.
It's our resident Latina Steph Semarano.
Hey, Steph, how are you?
I'm super Jimmy.
How are you?
Good.
Good to hear your voice.
Next to her is our resident Japanese man from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you?
Ohio.
Also with us, hilarious comedian Michael Schertzer.
Michael, how are you?
Doing fantastic, Jimmy.
And running the camera and the technical stuff is a comedian, Hank Thompson.
Hi, Hank.
Indiana.
Hey, let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes.
Ben Carson recently referred to Ben Carson, recently referred to Hamas as hummus multiple times in a speech to a Republican Jewish group.
Calls it hummus.
Here's, here's, I'm going to give you two quotes.
I'm going to give you a quote.
You tell me if Ben Carson really said it or not.
The Pentagon is where super friends actually live.
Okay.
He actually said that.
Okay.
Okay, let's get some more jokes.
You know, hey, I don't know if you know the president gave a speech about the state of Islamic terrorism, and the people who've never once been right about one fucking thing in the war on terror are not happy with it.
That's right.
Hey, the majority of Republican voters back Trump's Muslim plan.
Yeah.
Well, so it turns out Trump's Islamophobia is so offensive and un-American that he has a real shot with Republicans.
Hey, I'm curious.
When TV shows book Donald Trump, do they go to him directly or does Goebbels have to sign off on all media appearances?
Good.
It's a hot holocaust joke.
Good.
Good Goebbels joke.
Hey, if democracy is so awesome, how come we can't spread it without blowing shit up?
That's a good question.
That is a good question.
Paul Ryan says we need to get guns out of the hands of the mentally ill, which is why we should take guns away from Donald Trump voters.
Am I right?
Hello.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Eric Erickson tweeted about how much he hates Asian food because of December 7th.
Because of Pearl Harbor Day.
The day that we live in infamy.
Yes, the day that Eric Erickson says he doesn't like his parents won't let him eat Asian food on Pearl Harbor Day, and he tweets about it.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, we're going to take a look at the response to Donald Trump's Islamophobia.
And guess who knew exactly what was going to happen if we invaded Iraq?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
Plus, we got phone calls today from Reince Priebus.
Barack Obama calls in.
Plus, Ron Paul talks about Rand Paul's ideas about Muslims.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore show.
So I don't know if you know who Eric Erickson is.
Eric Erickson is the founder of RedState.com.
He's a big jackass.
He's all the bad things you think about when you think about right-wing people.
He's misogynistic, yet he pretends he's not as bad as Donald Trump.
He likes to beat up on the poor.
He said, if you make a minimum wage, you're a loser.
He's one of those guys.
He's one of those guys.
That's Eric Erickson.
And CNN gave him a job for about three or four years.
That's Eric Erickson.
So a lot of times, if you notice, right-wingers are in some kind of contest to see who can out-Neanderthal the other guy, right?
And they do it in a lot of ways, like who can be more misogynistic, who could be more racist, subtly, or dog whistle-y, who can be.
It's just like basically it's an ignorant off.
Who can be?
So here, Donald Trump was tweeting all this or saying all this stuff about Muslims and all this Islamic phobic, racist stuff he's been saying.
And Eric Erickson, I guess, felt a little left out.
So he tweeted this.
This is a real tweet.
You ready?
Growing up, I remember my parents never letting us have Asian food on December 7th.
They were children of World War II.
So do you get what he's doing there?
Did you not see this, Robert?
Wait a second.
I'm just hearing a donkey.
Oh, you know what?
I keep hitting this door a little bit with my chair.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
So, did you...
Because it's not a very good one, but all right.
Like, I'm all for people, you know, tweeting their ideas, workshopping them.
And then when I realized it was not a joke at all, I threw my computer across the table.
No, Robert, you're a Japanese man and you have a good sense of humor.
This is not a joke.
This is him doing that ignorant off, right?
This is him like, oh, man, I'm more American because I don't even like Asians because of World War II.
And by the way, there are other Asians than Japanese.
That's the whole thing.
One Asian, one type Asian.
Well, that's the whole thing, right?
First of all, this is the guy who also shot a newspaper.
You remember Eric Erickson?
Yeah, he shot the newspaper.
So he shoots newspapers and he won't eat teriyaki chicken on December 7th.
That's the kind of courage we need to defeat terrorism.
Really?
Eric Erickson didn't eat Asian food on December 7th to show how American he is because of World War II.
Hey, hey, guess what?
Thanks for your sacrifice.
I'm going to go ahead and guess his mom didn't know how to make Asian food.
It wasn't like it was a huge sacrifice.
We're not talking about some woman who's like, damn it, I was going to make tempura, but it's December 7th.
Oh!
Does it notice does Rice-A-Roni count?
Does that count as Asian or is that San Francisco?
Is that gay?
Because it comes from San Francisco.
So his family also had no problem with spaghetti during World War II.
I guess during World War II, he didn't have a problem with spaghetti or sauerkraut.
No problem with Sauerkraut.
Oh, yeah.
You don't want to piss them off.
You don't want to get a sauerkraut if you know what I'm talking about.
He's secretly sipping on a kamikaze.
Ah, does he not drink kamikaze shots either, Eric Erickson?
So it's impressive that his family really struck a blow for freedom, though.
Am I right?
Not easing eight, not eating Asian food, children of World War II.
So guess what?
After he tweeted that, some people decided to check up on it.
Some reporters called his mother, and turns out Eric Erickson's mom.
Mom sold him out.
His mom said, no, that's, I don't know what you're talking about.
I never heard this crazy made-up story.
And we raised a racist, but not a liar.
Yes.
We raised a racist, but Jesus, he's a straight shooter.
So that's literally his mom sold him out.
She said that.
I never heard this made-up story.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Can you believe she shot down his story, kamikaze style?
Bam!
So here is Eric Erickson then responds to that, and he says, My 73-year-old mother does not remember a 27-year-old event, so it is a new story to attack me.
At least the reporter was witness to.
I don't know what that last sentence.
At least the reporter was witnessed to.
Witnessed to?
I don't know what that means, but anyway, he's trying to pretend that he's the victim of some kind of slander, some kind of trash.
They're trashing him.
Yeah, they followed up on your stupid little story, and they called your mother, and she sold you out, you liar.
Oh, guess what?
No, no, no, but he basically is calling her demented.
He's saying she has dementia, and you guys like found my mom, and she was demented, and you victimized her, and then you made a whole thing about it, and shame on you.
Gonna be an awkward Christmas for this family.
He's an ageist.
So his mother's 70.
First of all, 73 is not demental time, right?
I mean, that doesn't, you gotta seriously.
How old is Eric Erickson?
Because he's obviously demented.
I mean, 80.
So his mother doesn't remember.
That's his story.
His mother doesn't remember this.
Well, here's a tweet he sent out.
You know what, really quickly, Jimmy?
His mother also had problems with memory.
That's why she went with Eric Erickson.
Yes.
You always got to be careful, guys, with the two that Chris Christie, Eric Erickson.
Did you have a theory about these guys, Robert?
No, but I like where you're going.
It was originally hit Hitler.
It was hit Hitler.
Yeah.
So Moose Mussolini.
So his.
Saul Stalin.
So he's saying his mother doesn't remember.
He goes, oh, my mother doesn't remember.
But according to him, his mother does remember because look at this tweet.
Just received my annual parental reminder that today's Pearl Harbor Day, so I shouldn't eat Jab.
His annual parental reminder.
His parents hate the Jap so much that they call him every freaking year on December 7th.
Turns out his mother wasn't even born during World War II.
What?
What?
That's pretty...
His mother wasn't even alive.
And that's kind of funny.
He got up early to do this lie.
5.30 a.m., the time stamp in the lower left corner.
So he was at it.
Yeah, so this was on December 7th, 2012.
So he tweeted that out on December 20.
These were all from just this week.
I'm just saying, you've got to go out of your way to be racist backwards.
I mean, he's being racist towards people from 70 years ago today.
Like, that's going old school.
You got to give him some credit.
Yeah, you got to give him some credit.
You know, he's insulating himself from racism by using his parents as well.
Yeah, he's trying to say, look, my parents taught me racism.
Yeah.
And they're not letting it go.
That's what he's saying.
Every Callby, every December 7th.
And it's a stick he pulls out every year, apparently.
Yeah, but it has nothing, but still, that he likes spaghetti.
He doesn't have any problem with manicotti.
I'm sure he has a nice cappuccino every once in a while, right?
Or an Americano, right?
What else?
Does he drive a Mercedes?
Does he ever get in a Mercedes?
What the kind of a nut crazy.
Like, how much of a wound is Pearl Harbor in his life that he has to avoid Asian food?
Make up a lie.
What kind of points does he think he's scoring?
And with the money.
So that's what I'm saying.
This is him out Neanderthaling the right wing.
It's like, look, we hate...
We still haven't gotten over Pearl Harbor day.
I do appreciate the three likes on this one only.
But I did want to say, like, didn't, I think the previous one said my 72-year-old mother has been doing this for 27 years or something like that.
No, he just said, he said, my 27-year-old mother, my 73-year-old mother doesn't remember this 27-year-old event.
Although it says that they call him every year.
So it's not a 27-year-old event.
He says they call him every year.
The plot thickens, Jimmy.
Okay, now, am I wrong?
And I know you might consider it.
So he's not even if his face is.
His parents aren't even as racist as he claims they are.
Yes, but if I were to do the math, if it's 27 years since 2015, that puts him around 1988.
So she's been doing this, if so, since 1988.
I don't know what you're saying.
I think she's saying, where did he get the number 27?
Yeah, where does that come from?
He must be.
He was picked in age when he was a child when he first claims to, you know what I mean?
Like, he's probably in his 30s or something.
I don't know.
Okay.
Yeah, that makes sense.
That's what I'm guessing.
This is all made up.
Yeah.
What are the chances he made up the numbers?
100%.
So, but according to him, his mother calls his parents parental reminder every year.
His parents call him to remind him, hey, we're still racist.
Remember?
Remember, don't forget we're still racist.
Super American.
We're racist one, 365th of the time.
How bad is the wound?
Yes.
We do this really strange, completely empty, symbolic act that means nothing to anybody once a year.
And yeah, rich family history.
That's something a bitter, weird dad would do in the 50s, you know, like, no, no egg rolls in my household, not after what they did 10 years ago.
Like that, okay, that sounds crazy, but that seems plausible.
This is nonsense.
This is bullshit.
Yeah, this is him making stuff up to try to sound more racist than he actually is.
And so the lesson is wait till your mom dies and then start lying about it.
Yeah, wait, why don't you wait till your mom's dead?
You know, maybe she lives till her, she's 90, though.
If you're lucky.
Yeah, I mean, you got to get those races.
You got to get out in front.
I mean, she doesn't eat all that greasy Asian food.
So chances are good she'll live together.
Yes, if she stays away from that tempura.
Oh, and, you know, of course, the sushi with the mercury and now all the radioactive from the Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
So it turns out that Rand Paul was first to the Let's Ban All Muslims party.
He really was.
Well, he said it a little differently, though.
He said that we need to take a harder look at the countries where Islam terrorism is coming from and we need to take another.
So he was for limiting those from certain countries.
He went by country.
He just didn't say all Muslims.
So he wasn't crazy enough, but he was basically advocating for the same position.
So is Ted Cruz, by the way.
So let's get Ron Paul on the phone and see what he has to say about it.
Ron, are you there?
Can we get Ron on the phone?
Freedom.
Hello.
Ron, How you do, Congressman?
Is that you, Congressman Paul?
Oh, hi, Jimmy.
I haven't heard from you in such a long time.
Yeah, did I catch you at a bad time, buddy?
No, no, no.
I'm just sitting here cleaning my gun, waiting for the coming race war.
How are you?
I'm doing, I'm doing good, buddy.
I just wanted to ask you about your son's campaign.
Oh, yes, he's running for president.
He's a big boy.
He's mama's good boy.
Yes.
I wanted to ask you about Rand's remarks about Trump's Muslim proposal.
Did you have?
Oh, brother, wasn't that pathetic?
How so?
How was that pathetic?
What do you mean?
Rance?
I mean, Rand's been trying to ban Muslims from our country for a while now, but nobody pays attention to him.
He's trying to sound smart when saying it.
Talking straight.
Yeah.
Maybe he should have.
I mean, yo, maybe he should have put his ban the Muslims proposal in my newsletter like I told him.
And then nobody would let him forget about it.
So you're upset that your son Rand isn't getting the credit for being as racist as Donald Trump.
Is that what you're saying?
Now, now, now, now, just hold on there, Jesse Jackson.
Nobody said anything racist yet.
We're talking Muslims here.
That's a religion, not a race.
So you can't be racist towards a religion.
Isn't that neat?
What do you, what do you isn't that neat?
I don't know.
What do you mean when you say, isn't that neat?
Can you explain that to me?
I mean, you can say anything you want about Arabs or any kind of dark people as long as you call them Muslims.
And they can't lay their finger on you because it's a religion, not a race.
Can't believe I didn't take it in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I'm not sure.
I'm not exactly sure that it works like that.
I don't think that's how it works.
No, it's pretty well established now.
Watch.
I think we should pass a law banning Muslims from marrying white women.
Wow, that's not okay.
And people.
Yeah, but completely okay to say in today's atmosphere of Whitey being scared of blackie.
I mean, Heidi Muslims.
Killing people for Islam.
Okay.
Listen, that's not okay.
Yeah, I know you're afraid of Muslims killing, but that's not okay to say.
And the people who say that stuff are going to live to regret it.
I'll tell you that.
Yeah, it's not okay.
And people will regret it.
Do you mean they will regret rocketing to the top of the polls and becoming the GOP nominee for president kind of regret?
No, I mean, that is exactly what's wrong.
Because I could live with that.
Yeah, I know you could live with that.
But that's the worst thing you could say because that implies that we're going to have a religious war and that plays right into ISIS hands.
That's what I'm saying.
It's going to cause much bigger problems.
It's dangerous to make it look like we're at war with Islam.
Well, that's exactly who we are at war with.
No, we're at war with the cult, right?
That's not the.
Good luck telling those two apart.
Look, Jimmy, I gotta go.
I got my hand caught in a jug, and I have a guy coming over to look at.
Okay.
Okay, I don't know how you do that.
Take care, Ron.
Damn this thing.
I don't even remember what I was doing to put my hand in there the first time.
And I know that's going to be the first question he asked.
I just know it.
Okay, Ron.
It's been a real pleasure talking to you.
I feel like a doofus.
I don't even remember.
Okay, all right.
It's Ron Paul, everybody.
Thanks very much.
Bye-bye now.
Okay.
On Sunday, President Obama addressed the nation from the Oval Office about the shootings in San Bernardino and the threat of terrorism.
His speech made the Republicans very unhappy, speaking in front of cameras in front of a microphone behind a podium in front of a desk.
President Obama called for doubling down on his counter-ISIS foreign strategy of airstrikes and bombing.
The Republican National Committee put out an angry response saying the attack in San Bernardino should refocus our efforts to defeat ISIS, which is odd because that's exactly what Obama said.
John Kasich called for the formation of a coalition to fight ISIS, which is actually the administration's current strategy.
Marco Rubio called for extending warrantless surveillance.
Obama said, been there, done that, Marco.
Ted Cruz called for shutting down America's harmful immigration system, which he knows all about, being an immigrant himself.
Jeb Bush said something about the speech, but nobody remembers because nobody was listening to him.
And as we've seen before, Republicans will argue with the bad Democrat, even when he's being a good Republican.
And this is why leftists should be critical of Obama's foreign policy.
Obama called on Congress to formally declare war on ISIS, reminding everybody that his bombing in Syria is illegal and unconstitutional.
According to the Constitution, under the War Powers Act, only Congress can authorize war.
Obama has been using as legal cover the 2001 authorization of military force, which made it legal to wage war against the perpetrators of 9-11.
And as we all recall, is the authorization that George Bush used to attack Saudi Arabia.
Oh, wait.
The president has been dropping tens of thousands of bombs in Syria, so much that the U.S. Air Force is literally running out of bombs.
Military chief of staff Mark Welsh said, we've been dropping bombs in record numbers, and the Air Force is expending munitions faster than we can replenish them.
Last year, Obama was calling on America to take down Assad.
Now Obama's trying to take down the radicals who want to take down Assad.
Our policy about Syria is confused and pointless.
Unless you're a military contractor who's going to make his Christmas bonus.
Hey, don't worry.
Just a few more bombs and the civil war in Syria is going to be all over.
The shameful silence from the American left about Obama's illegal military action is deafening.
The shameful noise being made by the right wing is because they're deaf.
The Republicans are complaining that the president is not bombing enough in Syria.
The president is complaining he's not bombing enough in Syria.
If only they could agree that they agree.
*music*
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Right now, we're up against a break.
We'll be right back in one minute.
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That's why I love the convenience.
But here's the best thing about Harry's.com.
They donate 1% of their profits and 1% of their employees' time to helping others.
So that's kind of in the wheelhouse of our show.
Isn't that nice?
1%.
That's nice.
Okay.
So they have a social constant.
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If you go to Harry's.com, H-A-R-R-Y-S dot com, as a special offer to the Jimmy Docho listeners, Harry's going to give you $5 off your first order with the code Jimmy.
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So go over to Harry's.com and check out their stuff.
They've got great stuff.
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They make the show possible.
Now let's get back to the second half of the show.
Music.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Doors show.
We got a lot coming up in the second half.
We got a phone call from Bryant's Priebus, the GOP chairman, calls in trying to explain what the hell is going on with Donald Trump and the GOP.
Plus, we're going to take a look at the news media and how they've been handling Donald Trump.
Right now, let's get back to the studio.
I'm joined by comedian Robert Yasemura, Steph Zamorano from the Miserable Liberal blog, and comedian Hank Thompson.
music.
This week has seen the fascinating spectacle of watching the news media distance itself from Donald Trump.
At long last, the media is pretending to come save the damsel in distress from the monster they bred and fed.
The Republican Party is also trying to distance itself from their frontrunner, which is like distancing rock and roll from tinnitus.
That's ringing in the air.
GOP voters agree that Donald Trump best represents their right-wing principles.
Closing the borders, rounding up citizens, putting them in cattle cars, murdering the families of enemies, inciting violence against powerless minorities.
Trump promises to keep America safe from American values.
Trump's new campaign motto is make the Rhineland great again.
But recently, people like Speaker of the House Paul Ryan are getting uncomfortable by the goose stepping.
And now the Republicans are trying to distance themselves from themselves.
Republican Party is like a dog that's pretending it didn't make the shit in the corner of the kitchen.
And we're supposed to pretend that all the Republican candidate shit doesn't smell the same.
So Barack Obama made his big speech on Monday about the radicals, the ISIS.
First of all, it's funny to me that the right wing is always pissed off that Barack Obama isn't doing enough to fight Islamic terrorism, except he's doing exactly the same things that they would be doing.
It's not even that he's doing the same things that they would be doing.
He's doing exactly what they were doing.
He's doing exactly what they were doing.
He's bombing the shit out of them.
Almost all the same programs, both militarily and in intelligence that the Bush administration established have continued unabated through much that they're running out of bombs.
I read that today, that the Air Force says they're running out of bombs.
No more bombs?
They've been dropping a lot of bombs.
That's a lot of bombs.
And since we have no money, we're just going to have to end the end of the day.
I guess we'll just end the bomb.
Who's going to pay for this?
How are you going to pay for it?
Yeah.
Take it out of the education money.
So here's the part of the speech that everybody's, the right wing is really freaking out the most about that, Barack Obama said.
As it is the responsibility of Muslims around the world.
Hang on.
Just as it is the responsibility of Muslims around the world to root out misguided ideas that lead to radicalization, it is the responsibility of all Americans of every faith to reject discrimination.
It is our responsibility to reject religious tests on who we admit into this country.
It's our responsibility to reject proposals that Muslim Americans should somehow be treated differently.
So that drove them nuts.
That drove them nuts.
That drove them nuts that, hey, there's no discrimination.
In fact, Marco, because they're saying, what's he doing defending Muslims?
That's what they looked at that as.
Why are you defending Muslims?
We're supposed to hate them.
So Marco Rubio went on TV right after that speech.
In fact, he said this.
The cynicism tonight to spend a significant amount of time talking about discrimination against Muslims.
Where is there widespread evidence that we have a problem in America with discrimination against Muslims?
Where is the evidence that there is widespread discrimination against Muslims?
I don't know.
Where would that be?
Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what the hell is going on.
*crowd cheers*
We have no choice.
We have no choice.
Man, where did you find that clip?
I mean, you must have gone deep.
Had to really dig.
Had to really dig to find a room full of people cheering at Islamophobia being delivered by the leading GOP candidate to run the free world.
Who I wonder what was that, Marco?
Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what the hell is going on.
So I love that he says that we have to just stop all the Muslims from coming in until we can figure out.
But I saw someone tweet today.
Nobody ever says that about guns.
Nobody ever says, hey, you know what?
We don't know what we're doing with the guns, so let's just stop all the sales of guns for a while until we can figure this out.
Nobody ever says that.
A little bit more, but what about so is that really evidence of Islamophobia?
Is that really?
I don't know.
Just one example, James.
Let's say, did you want to go after, let's say, the terrorists?
Do you want to go after the terrorists or you want to go after their families?
Those wives knew exactly what was happening.
Yeah, you mentioned the families going after the families.
What does that mean?
Well, at least I would certainly go after the wives who absolutely knew what was happening and...
And I guess your definition of what I do, I'm going to leave that to your imagination.
But I will tell you, I would be very tough on families.
What does that mean?
Well, at least I would certainly go after the wives who absolutely knew what was happening.
And I guess your definition of what I do, I'm going to leave that to your imagination.
But I will tell you, I would be very tough on families because the families know what's happening.
Even in this last instance, I see everybody knew.
So many people knew they thought that this man, his sister said she didn't know what was going on.
She was crestfallen for the victims here.
I probably don't believe this is.
You don't believe this is.
So you'd go after her.
I would go after a lot of people and I'd find out whether or not they know.
I'd be able to find out.
You know, they say they don't mind dying.
I think they do mind dying.
But I can tell you this.
They want their families left alone.
You have to wipe out their homes where they came from.
You have to absolutely wipe them out.
It's the only way you're going to stop terrorism.
Are you in favor of bombing terrorist homes?
Absolutely.
Okay.
I don't know.
I don't know.
So what they're saying is you're going to kill.
So what Donald Trump is saying and what his supporters are repeating is that we should kill their families.
If there's a terrorist killed her husband, killed their kids, killed their mother, killed their father.
I don't know.
I don't know.
So what they're saying is you're going to kill.
So what Donald Trump is saying and what his supporters are repeating is that we should kill their families.
If there's a terrorist killed her husband, killed their kids, killed their mother, killed their father, killed their uncles, killed their cousins.
You know who does stuff like that?
Terrorists.
That's who does stuff like that.
Terrorists do shit like that.
Even the mafia doesn't fuck with your family.
Am I right about that?
You're right.
That was actually one of the rules of the Italian mafia is that you don't do that.
You don't fuck with people's families.
Exactly.
Right.
Because the Russian mafia, they'll do it.
And that's why everybody's scared the fuck of the Russian mafia because they'll kill the guy standing next to you just to show you that they're going to kill you next.
This is the business that we've chosen.
Yeah.
Yes.
So now, but, Yes.
So does this mean that Eric Erickson doesn't eat Muslim food on 9-11?
No hummus on that.
I bet no hummus on 9-11, Eric Eric.
It's pronounced Hamas.
Oh, yeah.
Hummus pronounced Hamas.
And wait a minute.
Is Trump saying Muslim on purpose?
Right.
You know, can I just play this again?
You look, he can't look up from his notes.
I don't see how what he's about to say requires him reading it off of a paper.
Right.
Well, he's trying to be.
It was written.
There was a statement he released that he wanted to get it right.
So let me just listen to it one more time.
Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what the hell is going on.
So Donald Trump is an actual fascist, but people are scared of Bernie Sanders because he wants to give him health care.
Yes, that's right.
Donald Trump says that that is the truth.
Oh, that guy wants to give us health care.
What is he?
A communist?
So I think we are now to the point where it is reckless and irresponsible not to compare Donald Trump to Hitler.
Am I right about this?
I mean, maybe it's a little irresponsible or dishonest to compare Donald Trump to Hitler without pointing how they differ.
For instance, Hitler had a mustache.
Hitler had better hair.
Yes, and better hair.
Yes, that's right.
So now it's funny to watch the Republican Party try to distance themselves from Donald Trump, right?
Now they're all acting like Donald Trump.
Here's Paul Ryan.
I'm going to take a white comment on what's going on in the presidential election.
I will take an exception today.
Oh.
This is not conservatism.
What was proposed yesterday is not what this part stands for.
And more importantly, it's not what the country stands for.
Yeah, agreed.
What the country stands for is not what the Republican Party stands for.
It's not what the party stands for.
Just a very substantial percentage of the party stands for it.
But we don't say it out loud.
Like, we don't stand for saying it out loud.
We stand for subtly hinting at it.
Yes.
Not only are there many Muslims serving in our armed forces dying for the country.
There are Muslims serving right here in the house, waiting every day to uphold and defend the Constitution.
Some of our best and biggest allies in the struggle and fight against radical Islamic error are radical Islamists are Muslims.
The vast, vast, vast, vast majority of whom are people who believe in pluralism, freedom, democracy, individual rights.
I told Armers this morning to always strive to live to our highest ideals.
Yes, they're Always striving to live up to our highest ideals of being assholes to our fellow Americans to uphold those principles in the Constitution on which we swear every two years that we will defend.
You know, except the ones about equal protection, voters' rights, regulating militia, shit like that.
Except those rights.
We're not going to look at anybody.
So it's funny to watch Donald Key.
So what Paul Ryan is saying is that the Republican Party would be great if it weren't for all those Republicans.
Because I don't know if you know the guy who espouses all this stuff is going to win your party's nomination because all those Republicans love this shit.
Love it.
Very brave of Paul Ryan in that statement.
He didn't name any names.
I don't know if you noticed that.
He did not name a name.
He didn't say Donald Trump.
He just said this is not who we are.
So here's the thing.
So they're upset with Barack Obama.
So that's Paul Ryan, Profiling Courage.
It's so funny to watch them.
It's so funny to watch them try to distance themselves from Donald Trump now.
Sorry, this is the monster you made.
Now you have to live with it.
This is the, and by the way, the beard, what's with the beard?
Is that the, so we get distracted from your that's his winter beard.
Is that his winter beard?
Is that so we don't see your Eddie Munster V in the top?
Is that what that is?
So we get distracted.
Anyway.
I don't know.
I think he just needs more flags behind him.
Yeah.
you you I am 85% certain that at any moment, Donald Trump is going to say, gotcha.
Had you going there, didn't I?
I just pulled off the greatest piece of political satire in history.
So suck it, Karen Finley.
MacArthur Genius Grant, please.
Trump's latest call for all Muslims to be banned from travel to the U.S. really answers the question: what would it be like if we made policy completely based on how we feel at any given moment?
The answer is, it would be awesome and then quickly terrible.
Anyhoozel, as always, Trump had to defend his position from those who can read.
His defense?
It's no different than when Roosevelt interred 110,000 Japanese Americans during World War II.
American fucking citizens, cradled to the grave and age, going to live in prison.
It's an odd argument for Trump to make, given that if you're a Trump supporter, there is no way you know enough about history to know what he's referencing.
Also, no one has a problem with the argument, we all loved FDR and he did something super shitty.
So how could it possibly be wrong?
Also, everyone loved Andrew Jackson.
So how could the Trail of Tears have been that bad?
What's amazing is that in comparison to Executive Order 9066, which interred Japanese Americans, Trump's proposal is actually relatively mild.
So in effect, what Trump did say was this, I know you think my proposal is super ignorant and bigoted, but it'll be much, much worse than that.
I'm trying to create policy on par with one of America's most shameful human rights disasters.
Trump 2016.
For those of you who don't know, I am Japanese American.
My father and his entire nuclear and extended family were put in tournament camps in 1942.
For my great-grandparents, everything they had worked for in their entire life was lost.
Houses, money, careers, all gone.
For my grandparents' generation, everything they were working for came to an end.
My grandfather was just beginning a career as an electrical engineer, a vocation which he would never be able to practice.
And for the children like my father, well, before the war, my father said he felt very much like an American, very patriotic.
After the war, his love story with America became like a marriage you might see on cops.
This was such a human rights disaster that the Reagan administration formally apologized for it and paid small but symbolic reparations to its victims.
My dad got a new car, though I'm pretty sure he would much rather have gotten a situation where he wasn't sad all the time.
And this, my friends, this is the reason the Texas Board of Education doesn't want history taught rigorously or accurately.
So when it's time to repeat the mistakes of history, we can do it without the thinking getting in the way.
I swear to God, America, if I didn't love you so much, I'd tell you to go fuck yourself.
Hey, the results are in the reader's poll, the reader's poll for Time Magazine's Person of the Year, and the winner is Bernie Sanders, winning with overwhelming margins.
Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has over 40% more votes than the next highest polled contender, 5% more than the rest of the people in the running for person of the year.
Wow.
But Bernie will not be seen as person of the year on the cover of Time magazine.
What?
The editors of Time chose somebody else.
Time magazine snubbed all 30 of their readers in dental office waiting rooms.
And to add insult, they didn't even put Bernie Sanders on the shortlist.
But guess who did make it?
Go on, guess.
Good.
That's right.
Donald Trump did make that shortlist.
The hate-spewing, sociopathic, compulsive liar Donald Trump is on the shortlist of Time magazine's person of the year.
But Bernie Sanders isn't.
This is good for him because Donald Trump needs the media exposure.
Trump has almost made being a billionaire racist fascist uncool.
But for the media, the novelty of legitimizing Trump hasn't worn off.
Among the others of the shortlist include the CEO of Uber, the president of Iran, and Caitlin Jenner.
Establishment corporate media has been ignoring the incredible grassroots movement of support for Bernie Sanders.
Even though Bernie Sanders has successfully defined the issues for the Democratic presidential race and is exciting hundreds of thousands of voters into attending his rallies, Bernie himself continues to be marginalized.
Sanders is as big a character as Trump and as memorable a firebrand in television and public appearances.
So why does corporate media avoid covering him?
Whenever they do mention Bernie Sanders, it's dismissive, derogatory, or condescending.
The New York Times being one of the worst offenders.
Is it because corporate media would prefer a Hillary Clinton presidency with endless fake scandals to keep their fake journalists busy?
Or is it because Hillary Clinton's top money donors are not only Goldman Sachs and Seely Group, but also media monopolies like Time Warner, Cablevision, and Fox.
Either way, it isn't surprising that the anti-Wall Street, anti-war, pro-education candidate who doesn't have super PACs flooding the media with money is not getting proper attention.
But progressive voters are noticing the unequal coverage, and print media is wondering why their industry is dying.
Living on borrowed Time magazine has alienated its remaining readers and destroyed its credibility with generations of young people who never would have read Time Magazine in the first place.
Time magazine couldn't break a major story even when they're being handed it by their own readers.
The liberal media strikes again.
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So the Republicans have been distancing themselves from Donald Trump or trying to, and they've been trying to distance themselves from, you know, other Republicans, let's be honest.
So I got, I'm going to try and get Reince Priebus on the phone and see if what he has to say.
Hello, hello, Reince.
Republican National Committee.
Don't forget to see Elvin in the chipmunks, the road ship opening December 18th.
It's going to be off the chip.
Monk.
No, I think that I think they're doing that for money.
I don't know if they're doing that.
Hello, Ryance.
Is that you, Reince?
Yeah, maybe.
It's Jimmy Doer, buddy.
How are you doing?
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
Hey, what's going on, buddy?
How's it going?
It's not, you know, it's not good.
What's wrong, Mr. Priebus?
What is wrong?
Please, Jimmy, I absolutely demand that you call me Reince.
Actually, now that we're on the subject, what kind of a freaking name is Reince Priebus anyway?
Can you tell me that?
It's a Star Wars bounty hunter name.
You don't want to sky hunting Han Solo.
How are you named after a Star Wars bounty hunter?
That doesn't make any sense.
How are you named?
Look, some crazy things happen at college.
I don't know really why you said things aren't going well.
Everyone's pretty pissed about things Donald Trump said the other day.
Yeah, you mean that we all should ban Muslims from our country?
Is that the thing you're talking about?
Can you not say it out loud?
Because it's already stuck in my head.
Like a Lionel Ritchie song.
How does he write such catchy lyrics, I ask you?
So are you mad about the stuff that Trump said?
Are you mad?
No, everyone else is mad about it.
I'm totally fine with it and support Mr. Trump in every way.
Wait, on Tuesday, you said you didn't support Trump's statements because they go against American values.
That was Tuesday.
And since then, I've realized this guy's going to win the fucking thing.
You and I both know there's a lot more to that Reince Priebus phone call, but you got to get the premium content.
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Okay, today's show was written.
That's right, it was written by Mike McRae, Frank Coniff, Robert Yasimura, Michael Schertzer, Steph Zamarano, and Mark Van Landuit.
All the voices today perform by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
And special thanks to Hank Thompson for sitting on panel and for engineering today's show.
That's it for this week.
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