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June 13, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Today's episode is brought to you by Casper.
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It's a mattress company, and they're our new sponsor.
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Courtesy of the Jimmy Dore Show.
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Now let's get to the show.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
you Thank you.
So GOP voters are still looking for a candidate that will lead the Republican Party into defeat.
With 19 candidates, no frontrunner, and no enthusiasm, the Republican presidential race is like watching the rats swim onto a sinking ship.
20 candidates on one debate stage is a problem for the GOP.
And if Chris Christie is there, it's a problem for the fire marshal.
The American public has evolved past the right-wing culture war wedge issues, but the Republicans are trying to squeeze out the last bits of juice from the anti-worker, anti-woman, anti-LGBT, anti-peace, anti-science, anti-people vote.
The cast of the unelectables part two include Rick Santorum, who promised to be the voice of for Christians until noted Christian Pope Francis made a comment about the dangers of climate change and Santorum told him to mind his own freaking business.
Christians like Rick Santorum believe God gave man dominion over the earth, just not its climate.
Lindsey Graham promises to be the president who'll ensure there is no peace in our lifetime.
It is clear to anyone who isn't blind that Lindsey Graham is a homocidal maniac.
Ha, ha, ha.
Rick Perry has recently announced his candidacy, giving the Republican presidential race a much-needed lethal injection in the arm.
He's sporting a new look.
He's like a reverse Clark Kent.
Clark Kent uses his glasses to mask his superpowers.
Rick Perry uses glasses to mask his stupid powers.
Nice.
Dr. Ben Carson, best known as an accomplice brain surgeon, is now running for president.
The good doctor has interesting notions that healthcare is worse than slavery.
Prison rape is a choice.
Judges should be removed because they vote for marriage equality.
And there's no such thing as a war crime.
After 10 minutes of listening to Ben Carson, you'll be convinced you need brain surgery too.
Not even hosting a Fox News Sunday show could stop Mike Huckabee from making another presidential bid.
He spews hate in the most affable and friendly way.
Huckabee shares a PR advisor with the Duggar family and has been making creepy statements about locker rooms and women's reproductive organs, which is not as creepy as his statements that the best health care is getting right with God.
Did he really say that?
Yes.
And you know where Mike Huckabee's been because he leaves behind a trail of slime.
And I think the best thing for the political discourse in America would be to cover Mike Huckabee with salt.
Don't think that it's all rich old white guys this time around because now there's Marco Rubio, considered the face of the Republican Party's future with bold new ways to discriminate against women and gay people.
To appease the party's basis base, Rubio had to flip-flop over his own immigration legislation to prove he hates his immigrant parents as much as the Republican Party does.
Because Rubio appeals to both teabaggers and moderate GOP voters, he's considered a political heavyweight.
Speaking of heavyweights, Chris Christie is weighing his options.
A praling cream Butterscott Sunday or a double fudge Rocky Road chocolate diabetic blackout.
Either way, he's a large man, Frank.
Either way, every time he opens his mouth, taxpayers pick up the bill, while the workers whose pensions he's taken away will be eating at charity soup kitchens.
If personality isn't your thing, there's Scott Walker.
Considered the most dynamic and vibrant coma victim to ever over public service unions.
Scott Walker wants to reverse marriage equality and reinvade Iraq.
He is just what America needs to push us forward to 2003.
And there's also Ted Cruz, who is shaping himself to be the candidate for voters who find Chuck Laurie's sitcoms too sophisticated.
Not yet announced Jeb Bush is considered the inevitable GOP candidate by the pundits.
And when have the pundits ever gotten anything wrong?
Big Money is enthusiastic about another Bush presidency, and so is nobody else.
Finally, there are other candidates like George Pataki, Bobby Jindal, and Carly Fiorina.
Pataki's too sane, Jindal's too proud, and Carly Fiorina has the distinction of being the only woman in the GOP field.
She won't make it past the primaries, but don't worry, you'll still have the opportunity to vote for the first female Republican president, Hillary Clinton.
Ah!
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for the kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I am joined on the phone from New York City.
You know him, you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank, Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay, good to hear your voice, buddy.
Also in the studio with me, our resident Japanese man from Team Yasamura.
It's the hilarious Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
Hello.
Ohio.
Also next to him from the blog, The Miserable Liberal, and the host of Common and Everything Else, people emailing me every day talking about that show.
It's our resident Latina, Steph Zamarano.
Hey, Steph.
Hola, Jimmy.
Hola.
Also with us, hilarious comedian from the roast battle.
It's Michael Schertzer, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah.
Distinctive honor of losing the roast battle last night.
He lost the roast battle, but he did do a fine showing.
Got ass back.
So that's important.
That's true.
All right, let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Life is a mystery, isn't it?
I mean, think of it.
At this very moment, there are people sitting in theaters who paid money to see Entourage.
I don't know if you heard the news this week.
In Iraq news, We're sending troops back into Iraq.
This is really happening.
But let's keep an open mind and be willing to try something old that's never worked before.
Okay.
Haden, I don't know if you hear about Jerry Seinfeld.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you hear the news in the news this week?
Now I know I could never find that one missing sock.
It was offended by Jerry Seinfeld's insensitive laundry routine.
Hey, did you hear about those two murderers in New York escaped from a security maximum security prison in upstate New York?
Were they in the bush administration?
And reports say that they were headed to New York City because they heard NYPD was hiring.
Ted Nugent was on the TV the other day.
Made me think about the fact, you know, when he avoided the draft by crapping his pants and smothering himself with feces for 30 days.
Sure.
He looked the way Ann Coulter talks.
Nice.
I was watching.
*laughs*
That is such a fun fact, Roger.
I know.
I was watching Fox News, and you know, what Josh Duggar did was bad, but not quite as egregious as black kids having a pool party.
Yeah.
That's right.
And you know, with enough forgiveness and enough healing, the Duggars can survive this trauma and go back to demonizing gay people.
Jim Bob Duggar gave up his political career so he could spend more time covering up crimes with his family.
Shocked.
I'm shocked that Fox News is now defending child molester.
I always thought of it as a place that defends war criminals.
They're dynamic.
They're more than just a war criminal channel.
Hey, if you've been hoping for a Forrest Gump sequel like I have, your prayers have been answered.
Rick Perry's running for president again.
And I don't know if you saw Chris Christie playing baseball.
Did you see him get up in that uniform?
And he gave a moving speech.
It sounded a lot like Lou Gehrig's.
Was it Lou Gehrick?
Yeah.
Yeah, so it sounded a lot like it.
He goes, Today, I consider myself the hungriest man on the face of the earth.
Hey, you saw when he was wearing that baseball outfit, right?
Yeah, did you see that outfit?
That outfit.
Oh, it was so disturbing how you could clearly see his carvel so.
Oh.
His caramel.
Hey, did you hear Saudi Arabia is going to lift the laws that ban women from traveling without a man's permission?
Did you hear that?
Now all they really need to work on are those beheadings, and they'll be almost as progressive as ISIS.
What's coming up on today's show?
Oh, we're going to check in with a Roy Brage cop down in McKinney, Texas, and we're going to talk about that.
Voter suppression, Hillary Clinton is all over it.
We'll talk about that.
Also, is the nation 50-50 Democrat, Republican?
What does it mean to be a lefty or a centrist?
We're going to talk about all that stuff.
Plus, phone calls today from Rick Perry, Lindsey Graham, Peter King, and Bill O'Reilly.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dorch.
Hey, more good news from Texas, everybody.
Is there ever not?
I know.
You'll be glad to know that the police are cracking down on the real criminals this time, not bank biker gangs and shootouts or radical Muslim extremists and shootouts.
No.
Recently in McKinney, a suburb north of Dallas, a kids' pool party was viciously broken up by the McKinney PD.
You mean Operation Jade Pool Party helm?
Yes.
So the big part about it was there was our hero, our police hero, was saw on videotape physically assaulting a 14-year-old black girl in a bikini with such force that plantation owners were uncomfortable.
It's true.
I almost spilled my mentula.
He ragged, he was what we call, he ragdolled her, right?
Oh, is that what that's called?
I think so.
So it was nuts, right?
And he was, there was a pool party.
There's all these teenagers in bikinis and short pants.
And some cop, there were 12 cops, by the way.
And the cop who was the most out of control running around waving his gun, pulls a gun on kids, kids.
Yeah.
And he did all this.
So you know all this.
You know the story.
So I don't have to go into it.
But that guy, people forget this.
He was the police trainer.
He was the boss on the scene that day.
He was the senior officer.
So let's go.
So we all know what happened, how horrible it was.
And he's forced.
His name is David Eric Casebolt.
Case Bolt.
And he's a great guy.
He got into policing for the right reasons, right?
To have some place to burn off his steroid rage.
So here's the police chief of McKinney.
He came out very boldly after, what's his name?
Case Bolt.
Case Bolt resigned.
After he resigned, the police chief came out and he was really upset with him after the guy resigned.
But here is what he says.
Eric Case Bolt has resigned from the McKinney Police Department.
As the chief of police, I want to say to our community that the actions of Case Bolt, as seen on the video, of the disturbance at the community pool, are indefensible.
Indefensible.
Someone should tell that to the people over at Fox News.
This guy's the police chief, so clearly he's anti-cop.
Obviously, this guy's anti-cop.
If Sean Hannity would, anyway, here we go.
Our policies, our training, our practice do not support his actions.
He came into the call out of control.
And as the video shows, was out of control during the incident.
So he came into the call out of control, was out of control the whole time.
The whole time.
Isn't that interesting?
Okay, so let's keep that in mind.
I had 12 officers on the scene, and 11 of them performed according to their training.
Now, this is the weirdest brag I've ever heard in my life.
So he keeps, he's still, he just started the brag.
This is police chief Greg Conley.
Yes, so let's just, here's to me the weirdest brag I ever heard in my life.
I had 12 officers on the scene, and 11 of them performed according to their training.
They did an excellent job.
So as part of their training, when they see a 14-year-old girl who's almost naked being assaulted by a 200-plus pound man, is their training to ignore it?
Is that what their training is?
When they see a 200-pound man throwing a 14-year-old girl who's naked around on a Front lawn like a rag doll and swearing at her and pulling his gun on unarmed teenagers in swim trunks.
Their training is to ignore that.
That's what their training is.
So this guy's a little too proud of those other 11 cops.
So I guess all you need to do is to do excellent work is not to be a criminal yourself.
And that makes you an excellent McKinney police officer because what they didn't do was stop that maniac from waving his gun around and beating the crap out of those kids and creating violence anywhere he went.
He was brutalizing children and they let him.
Can I just say something?
So why are they sending 12 police officers?
Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say.
Like, I've been to a few parties that have been broken off by the police.
Two max.
Right.
I mean, what was the why did they call out that's six cars?
That's six cars that were called out to break up a pool party of teenagers.
Why?
Even, yeah.
I assume that somebody went, wait a second, black people don't swear.
Even Mark Hunting's fishing.
Even Mark Furman said that the officer wasn't in danger and it wasn't the proper response.
Mark Furman is a LCD officer.
Even Mark Furman, former LAPD officer.
Yeah, oh, I'm sorry, I guess I should explain who that is.
Well-known racist.
Well-known racist.
He was the guy who screwed up the O.J. Simpson trial because they caught him saying the N-word on tape a million times.
So it kind of screwed up the O.J. Simpson.
But that guy, he's now the expert racist on Fox News.
He's one of expert panel racists.
He's on Fox.
He's on Fox all the time.
Yep, all the time.
Turn Frank up a little.
Maybe you should know that there are about 131,000 residents in this area.
McKinney.
And 75% are white.
11% are black.
And according to the 22 census, it was named at CNN's Money's Best Place to Live in America.
Really?
In 2014.
It's a predominantly white neighbor, affluent area.
Blacks are very much in the minority.
And that's why this is very charged.
12 officers went to this party.
Right.
Because they were black kids.
And this guy, this cop is he's had a problem with race in the past.
This isn't like, this isn't the first time.
That's this guy, Casebolt, right?
So here's the thing I find interesting about this.
So the Fox News and it's literally everybody on Fox News, including Britt Hume.
Bootlicker doesn't even start to describe these people.
But they kept playing this videotape over and over.
And I'm going to play it here and I'll narrate it because I know this is the radio/slash podcast.
But it's the infamous part of the video where the guy starts beating the 14-year-old black girl and whipping her around like a ragdoll and then starts to knee and pulls the gun on those kids.
So let's play that part.
And there's a couple of interesting things I want to comment on.
So that was a kid who's videotaping.
He's going, yo, jumper, what the F is going on?
And I think he's talking about this cop.
So now he's running after that black girl.
He grabs her and he twists her arm and starts whipping her around.
This 14-year-old black girl.
And people start reacting to you.
You hear everybody start screaming, like, what the F are you doing to this girl?
By the way, she's in a bikini.
She's in a bikini.
She couldn't weigh 110 pounds.
She couldn't weigh 90 pounds.
So he starts to break her wrist.
They do that lock wrist.
So she immediately goes to the ground.
She's on the ground.
And he won't stop hitting her.
Like, he's hurting her the whole time.
He's dragging her to her.
He's dragging her.
She picked her up.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's going to come right now.
Hang on.
So he throws her down twice.
And then people come running over and she's on the ground.
And her girlfriends come over and he punches them.
The cop gets up, punches them with his left hand while keeping his other hand on this tiny girl on the ground.
And there's another man obstructing.
Yes, yes.
And there's that big fat white guy who's helping the cops by helping the cop beat up a little girl instead of helping the little girl.
And what he means by helping is basically standing over and putting his crotch on her head.
But yes, yes.
So the girl's on the ground, and then these two guys, these two boys, teenagers, come around.
The one boy slips on the grass.
The cop freaks out, pulls his gun on him.
The kids start running away.
Two other cops jump in because they see this guy's out of his mind with pulling his gun.
So they like try to stop him.
And then turns out that guy who's pulling the gun is the boss on the scene.
And he tells him, go arrest those guys, those two guys that he just pulled the gun on.
So they do.
They don't stop and go, hey, you know what?
You got to go get help today.
We got to stop you.
You have a gun.
You're waving around at teenagers at a bull party.
Are you out of your mind?
Yes, he is out of his mind.
But guess what?
They didn't do that.
You know what they did?
They chased that kid down and arrested him.
So this guy, this police chief, who wants all this credit for his 11 officers, that's that whole thing of, hey, there's just a bad apple.
No, there were 11 officers who stood by and participated in brutalizing teenagers.
There were a bunch of guys at the Meli Massacre who didn't do that.
It's not a bad apple when he is like the branch.
Yes.
So here, I'm going to play a little bit more of this because I want to explain something about it.
So he's got her underground.
Those two kids come over.
He pulls the gun on them.
They start running around.
He pulls the gun on them.
So they start running around.
His two cop buddies come.
One of them literally grabs him.
Thank God.
And then they take off after him because he orders them.
So then he turns around.
He goes back to the black girl who he's been brutalizing.
She's sitting on the ground.
Her ass is literally on the ground.
And he says to her, get your ass on the ground.
She's literally, her ass is literally on the ground.
And he yells at her, get your ass on the ground.
She's literally on the ground.
And then he does this.
He picks her up.
He picks her up.
Twists her arm, grabs her by her hair, by the back of her head, and slams her face into the ground.
She was already on the ground.
He picks her up off the ground, slams her back down onto the ground, grabs her by the back of her head by her hair, and slams her face into the grass, into the ground, and then kneels on her.
He knees her in the back the whole time she's screaming, someone call my mom.
Well, that was the crime.
Yeah, she's 14 years old.
This guy's got to be.
A 14-year-old girl who's yelling for her mommy would be such a threat to you.
And none of those cops did anything to help that girl.
None of those cops.
So you know what that makes those guys?
Their job isn't to protect the citizens.
Their job is to protect the other Cops.
That's exactly right.
They're like a gang out of control, and nobody's going to stand up for the citizen in this situation.
And that's what's wrong with the police culture in America.
That's not one bad cop.
If this wasn't videotaped and say one of those, because this cop, like you said, he's the supervisor there, right?
Yeah.
So if a cop had taken action against him and this hadn't been videotaped, it would be the cop who tried to take action who would be in trouble right now.
He'd be huge trouble.
The supervisor would report him for being disobedient or not following orders, whatever.
He'd be the one who's in trouble.
And if it wasn't videotaped, this guy would still have his job.
Yes.
You know, and so obviously there's so many of these things go on and happen, and we just know about a small percentage of them that happen to be videotaped.
Yeah.
So those, so again, the 11 cops that the McKinney police chief commended as doing excellent work are horrible people.
They're bad police officers and they're enemies of the citizens because they didn't protect any of those children.
In fact, they arrested the children.
In fact, they stood there and they watched a guy pull a gun on unarmed kids in bathing suits who were trying who they were doing the right thing.
They were coming to the aid of a 14-year-old girl who's being brutalized by a 200-pound adult with the with a badge and a gun and 11 other punks with them who stood by and made sure nobody was going to try to stop it.
So that's what's called brutalization.
That's what's called, those are thugs.
And those 11 cops are bad cops.
And that police chief is a bad police chief.
The whole goddamn culture is corrupt.
And still, until we acknowledge that, it's going to keep happening because everybody in this country is walking around thinking those 11 cops were great because they didn't themselves commit a crime, but they did commit a crime because they didn't help out that girl when they were supposed to.
At what point would they have stopped if he would have started beating her with the butt of his gun?
If he would have ripped off her bikini bottom, she's already practically naked.
She's screaming for her mother.
He's got both of his knees in her back, her hand, his hand on the back of her head, ripping her hair, pushing it into the ground.
And those cops did nothing to help her.
If one guy had spoken up and done something, he would be the one, his wife would become miserable.
Yes, right.
He'd be ostracized.
But that's all the other cops.
And if one cop had spoken up, everybody would have ostracized him as part of the group thing.
Yes.
I mean, essentially, what's happened is that police departments have turned into little gangs.
They have a mob mentality.
Well, you know, like I've said on this show before, people think it's their outrage that went in when they hear gangs members in their communities tell, hey, no snitch.
Nobody snitches.
And they're like, what does that?
Cops do that.
Cops do that.
Jimmy Doors, Bill O'Reilly.
I'm not making my usual call where I berate you for being a commie homo.
No, today I'm putting aside all that partisan crap to talk about a lady I love very much.
A lady called America.
So right now, for a change of pace, I'd like to share a little something with you that I like to call America.
Why?
I love her.
America, I have a boner for you that never goes.
The amber waves of grain are my Viagra.
The Purple Mountains Majesty are my Sialis.
Especially when two mountains are next to each other and they look like boobs.
Let's be clear.
I'm talking about America.
Not the Statue of Liberty.
Sorry, I'm just not into that shit.
She has a history of hanging out with immigrants, and that's a big turnoff.
No, Jimmy, the Lady America that I love is as American as hair pie.
Hell, I wouldn't have been able to write my series of killing books without her.
Killing Lincoln, killing Kennedy, and killing Patton are all about American icons who were willing to die so that I could make a fortune writing poorly researched books about them.
Even the greatest American of them all, Jesus, sacrificed his life for no other reason than to give me a great premise for a big bestseller.
Yes, America is a lady I truly love.
And unlike some female segment producers who I could mention, America doesn't mind when I call her up in the middle of the night and ask her to listen to me talk about Middle Eastern food while I masturbate.
America knows this sometimes for her own good.
I have to pull her hair and drag her down a staircase.
And Lady America has taught me that sometimes I have no choice but to settle with her out of court and just suck it up and eat shit while she cost me millions of dollars that I honestly earned by lying about my exploits in combat zones I've never been to.
So listen up, America.
I'm making a point.
So don't talk over me.
I said shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up, America.
Just shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
Thanks for listening, Jimmy.
I know this hasn't been what you normally expect from me, but deep down, I'm a romantic sentimentalist.
As Edward R. Murrow used to say, good night and go fuck yourself.
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And now back to the show.
Thank you.
Thank you.
*phone rings* *Bell
rings* Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, this is former Governor Rick Perry of Texas.
Oh, hey, Governor.
Good to hear from you.
How are you doing, buddy?
Well, Jimmy, first of all, thank you for asking.
I appreciate that.
And also, I will answer by saying good.
And we and our team are looking forward to the 2016 presidential race.
Rick Perry 2016.
No more oops.
support the troops.
Well, that's great, Governor.
I have to say, you sound a little different.
Oh, really?
How so?
I don't know.
I really, I guess I can't put my finger on it.
Maybe a little more butch.
A little less gay.
Yeah, I think so.
Okay.
Well, what you're hearing now is the, it's called the Rick Perry Mark II impression from the Jimmy Doer show.
Oh, what?
Okay, hold up.
Let me explain.
The Mark I Rick Perry sounded like this.
Hey, what's up?
How y'all doing?
It's Governor Rick Perry of Texas.
Yeah.
Remember him?
Oh, yeah, old Rick Perry.
Exactly.
Then Mark II came along after I actually paid attention to what the dude actually sounded like.
So I started talking like this.
Okay.
Oops, you know, like that guy.
Uh-huh.
Then your writers just decided that I was a flaming gay dude.
That's how they wrote all my sketches.
Not just the subtle implications of intonation and sibilance.
Always part of Mark II.
But a whole new Mark III Rick Perry voice had to be invented in order to accommodate all the just blatant but sex jokes, sexual overtures to you personally to the point of like, goddamn, dude.
Come on, man.
I ain't a gay.
So you're going back to Mark II Rick Perry impression?
Goddamn right, dude.
But I guess everyone thought it was funny to have you represent the archetype of the closeted gay Republican politician.
I mean, it's just such a common thing, and it worked well for you.
I don't give a shit.
Well, we do.
This is a comedy show.
Look, Jimmy, Rick Perry taketh away, and Rick Perry giveth.
I wouldn't do this to you if I didn't have a good replacement for you.
Oh, yeah, who?
Come on, man.
Come on.
Look at the 2016 Republican field.
Don't you think there might be someone in there who might be a better gay dude than me?
Oh, there's so many.
I mean, a real closet case.
Oh, you mean Lindsey Graham?
Bingo.
Son, you done hit the nail right on the neck.
Oh.
Oh.
Damn.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
You can bleep that if you don't like it.
Come on, man.
Don't say that, man.
Come on.
That's just an excuse.
It's just an expression, you know, my ranch.
I know.
Okay.
Well, yeah, that's my point.
You don't need to be stretching me out to be all queeny when you got that warmonger and powder puff to make fun of.
You're right.
That would be sort of redundant.
Yeah.
Otherwise, you're running the risk of turning this whole show into the closeted homophobe comedy hour with Jimmy Door.
Okay, point taken.
Dude's name is Lindsay, for fuck's sake.
And he's one of those South Carolina gentry men.
He's probably got like three middle names to choose from to go by, but he sticks with the name of everybody's first middle school girlfriend.
Right.
My full name is Ricky Bobby Perry.
I got no choice.
These Tidewater dudes have options.
Okay, so I think this works out for everybody, actually.
Well, right on, man.
So we got a deal.
We got a deal, Governor.
Okay, we're square then.
I'll send you over a real flamethrower of a Lindsey Graham voice.
You have your writers write me sketches about how I like to lay pipe and strippers.
Okay, we'll do.
Sounds like it could be.
Turn me into a real hey man, would you?
Well, this is a bit unorthodox, but I'll see what we can do.
I'll make sure this doesn't compromise some kind of comedy ethics or something.
Oh, is there like a special board you have to appeal to?
No, there's nothing but my own turnal meter.
So I'd have to think about it and bounce it off.
Yeah, it's your show, dude.
You're in charge.
Yeah.
I made a deal.
Okay.
All right.
I know we have a deal.
You have the power to go to your riders and say, quit making them gay.
I'm doing that.
We'll do that.
All right, man.
Okay, what are you doing later?
I'm having my pool boy Rau come over and he's going to show me about all this manscaping type stuff.
Oh, shit.
I did it again.
I tripped up myself that time.
That wasn't even your writer's fault.
Okay.
Okay.
All right, Governor.
Well, I look forward to seeing how this new deal works out.
All right.
I'm going to go bang some women.
Okay.
Like two at a time, like Fredo.
Sounds totally plausible.
All right, buddy.
Okay, bye.
Got a deal.
Got a deal.
All right, as Rick Perry lays his dope.
Rick Perry.
Wow.
The Jimmy Dorr show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
So I'm always amazed at what the news media considers to be left-wing politics.
Here's what the advice was because Chris Hardball had on Howard Feynman, who's the Huffington Post guy, and he let himself go gray.
He looks fantastic.
And here's what he said Hillary needs to do Because she's not going to go to the center because all the energy seems to be at the base of the Democratic Party.
And here's what he said.
She has to go after some left-wing issues.
What are those?
If it's smarter, it's more to go to the center.
If she takes on the more difficult issues from the left, namely going after the big banks, showing that she's got the guts to go after them.
Okay, so a lefty issue is going against the bank.
I'm going to read you a couple statistics.
They did a poll.
This is back, they did a poll in 2013.
So I'm guessing it's even, these numbers are even higher now.
And they asked people if they felt we should regulate financial services.
And so the question of regulating financial services and products is seen as either important or very important by more than 90% of the voters.
So it's just far lefties.
So that's just the lefty.
In fact, it's an overwhelming sentiment and one that cuts across party lines.
In fact, 96% of Democrats regard financial regulations as important, but so do 95% of independents and 89% of Republicans.
So that's almost everyone in the country.
Matter of fact, the pushback against TARP was almost more virulent on the right.
Yeah, the Tea Party was Republicans.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't see, yeah.
And I know where this first is coming from.
And so here's what how this is, and no one pushes back.
So here's what, here's the discussion.
Hillary Clinton is going to the left.
And here, here.
If it's smarter, if she takes on the more difficult issues from the left, namely going after the big banks, showing that she's got the guts to go after that part of her coalition and her past.
So why is that seen as only a lefty issue?
I don't understand that.
So why are the big banks part of her coalition?
Like a half a dozen guys who run well, unfortunately, yes.
Yeah, they actually are, Frank.
No, but my point is, though, you know, that's in terms of people who are going to vote for you or getting the most votes.
That's not what you call a voter coalition.
Right.
No, right, exactly.
Right.
So that there's, so my point, I guess the reason I'm bringing this up, it's because several reasons.
And one is it's amazing what they think is left-wing politics.
That's populism.
That's every right-wingers want that.
Left-wingers want that.
The people in the center, the only people who don't realize that are the people in the beltway.
Those are the people who sit in green rooms all day and go on television shows and write columns for the Huffington Post.
They have no idea what's going on in America.
They have no idea that if Hillary Clinton did this, it would have overwhelming support.
That's not running to the left.
That's running to the country.
Right, right.
I think Hillary realizes that.
So let's hear what else Howard Feynman has to say.
Her husband did it a generation ago from going to the right.
She's got to have the guts to do that going to the left.
It's tough.
Real guts to do it from the left.
So what he says, what he's saying is that she has to go after some of his coalition from the left.
But Bill Clinton did it going to the right, meaning Sister Soldier.
Here.
It takes more guts to go after Wall Street than Sister Soldier.
Exactly.
So Bill Clinton became a righty to appeal to people and went after Sister Soldier, going against his base, whereas Hillary Clinton is going against her base by going after the Wall Street people, which is going against the big money people who have hijacked your party who aren't liberal, who aren't lefty, who aren't righty.
They're just corporatists.
They're just Wall Street.
She's not going against her base.
She's not going against.
She's going against her donor base.
Yeah, her don't dad.
So, you know, I think that the Wall Street bankers, if they go by the history of Obama, I don't know if they're going to, even if she speaks out against them, I don't think they're going to freak out too much because I think they know that she'll say this stuff to win her base.
And when she's in office, she'll probably, you know, leave it, you know, treat them great the way Obama did.
Well, what we need to remember, well, what you're talking about is what Martin O'Malley said.
And he said this when he announced for president.
True story.
Goldman Sachs.
Goldman Sachs is one of the biggest repeat investment banks in America.
Recently, the CEO of Goldman Sachs let his employees know that he'd be just fine with either Bush or Clinton.
I bet he would.
Okay, so there you go.
That's pretty much what you were saying, right, Frank?
Yeah.
So they say if Hillary Clinton goes against the banks and tries to regulate them, which, by the way, I'll give you one more stat.
That same poll, 67% of Republicans, 89% of Democrats, and 76% of Independents approve of stepped-up oversight of mortgage brokers, payday lenders, debt collectors, and other previously unregulated industry players that the consumer financing.
What is they?
Everybody's been screwed by that.
Yes.
But when you get the messaging from Washington, the people in Washington, like Howard Feynman and Chris Matthews and all the politicians, they didn't lose their houses.
Their lives weren't affected by the bank meltdown.
It had no effect on them whatsoever.
So they present the view of the world like people who want to do something about the people who screwed everybody if that's a fringe idea.
Yeah, you're correct.
And here's the weird thing.
So they say if she goes after the banks, that's running to the left, and that will hurt.
They're saying that that will hurt the Congress and the Senate, the hopes of the Democrats.
Listen to what they say.
If Hillary's right to go to the left and work her base, get her 270 electoral votes that way.
What does that do to the Democrats' chance of ever carrying to Congress again?
Because according to the Times in their lead, about the two paragraphs down, they said this is not a broad strategy for the, you take this, a broad strategy to grab the House.
They might squeak the Senate back, but no 60 votes and no 218 in the House.
Therefore, no legislation, no budget, no tax changes, no fiscal changes, no policy changes.
What kind of presidency is that?
My question.
So what he's saying is, again, hey, she's got to become more like a Republican in order to get anything done.
Because if she goes in there and does what people want her to do, the Republicans won't let her do it, so nothing will get done.
And what kind of a presidency is that?
So if you want to get something done, go get some Republican stuff done, like Barack Obama did.
He got the Republican health care planned.
He got the Republican trade plan.
He got the Republican foreign policy war machine plan.
So if you want to get something done, make sure it's Republican ideas or corporate ideas or Wall Street-friendly ideas.
And that shows you're serious about governing.
But Hillary Clinton, she might want to actually do something to help the people.
And that just shows she's going to have a failed presidency.
Yeah.
And that's on MSNBC.
That's from MSNBC.
This is the liberal insight.
They have no insight.
This is, again, that show left, right, and center, it's left, right, right, and righter.
This MSNBC, it starts from the center and goes to the right.
Yeah, absolutely.
Well, Chris Edwards.
And they also are talking about, you know, I think I heard on that very show them talking about, and I know I read this in Politico, that if Hillary goes so far to the left, if she gets elected, the Republicans won't want to work with her.
As if the Republicans are going to want to work with her.
Right.
Under any circumstances.
People put out this thing like, you know, the Republicans would work with Obama, but he's just not, he doesn't reach out to them.
You know, like you just said, he's passed nothing but Republican plans.
And so he's offered nothing but compromises.
And he has enforced their policies.
Nobody is tougher on immigrants than President Obama.
He has enforced the things that they wanted enforced better than they ever did.
Yes.
And they still say he's weak on that.
Yeah, being a centrist and a compromiser is what Obama is all about, you know, and yet they talk about him like, oh, he's so liberal and he can't, he's so aloof.
He won't work with the Congress.
It's bullshit.
And the idea that Hillary, if she goes more to the center and more to the right, that the Republicans will say, hey, you know what?
That 25-year vendetta that we've had against the Clintons, it's all gone now.
We're going to treat her great.
Is this going to happen?
Well, they love to say, Frank, you are correct.
And they love to all throw up Bill Clinton.
They love to say, yeah, well, when Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich got together, they collaborated and they got the economy going and they reformed welfare and they got things done.
Yeah, Bill Clinton worked so well with the Republicans that they fucking impeached him.
They impeached him.
People always leave that out.
They always leave that out.
They impeached him.
They wanted to get rid of him.
That's how good he worked with the Republicans.
Right.
All right.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hi, Jimmy.
This is Senator Lindsey Graham.
Oh, wow, Senator.
Hello.
Welcome to the show, buddy.
Glad to have you.
Well, thanks, Jimmy.
I've always depended on the kindness of podcasters.
What are you up to, Senator?
Oh, just wearing a silly hat.
What?
Too small from a head.
Kind of coughed to the side.
Bit of daisy coming out of it.
You ever just play around and wear a silly hat?
No, I've never just played around and wore a silly hat.
Well, you are missing out, Buster Brown.
Okay, Senator Graham, I want to thank you.
Yes, sometimes.
Because you just feel lazy.
And you know, dear little Calpernia will bring you all your needs and wants.
No, actually, for me, it's because of crippling depression.
Oh, you poor boo.
You know what would cheer you up?
What?
A silly hat.
A silly hat.
I doubt that.
Anyway, Senator, let's talk about your presidential bid.
Oh, that old poo-poo platter.
Now, you're a bachelor.
If elected, you would be the first bachelor president since James Buchanan.
Jesus.
You recently said you'd have a rotating cast of first ladies.
What exactly did you mean by that?
Well, sometimes my sister would be first lady.
Sometimes some dear friends of mine would be first ladies.
Maybe some of my colleagues from the Charleston Patroclus Club, one of the many secret societies I belong to.
And you know what?
What?
You know what?
What?
If the mood strikes me, I just might be the first lady myself for next time.
Let's get nuts.
Let's get nuts.
Okay, speaking of getting nuts, you might be the most hawkish of all presidential candidates.
Oh, you better believe it.
You know, some people have said that you're being such a hawk, so pro-war, you're overcompensating for something.
For what?
I just feel like I had the most foreign policy experience, and I realized the dangers that radical Islam pose to the Western civilized world.
What's wrong with that?
Okay.
It just seems funny that a guy who's a lot of people.
I mean, radical Islamists, you've seen the videos.
They throw men off roofs and kill them just for not being married and being best friends with their sister.
All right.
They just murder innocent bachelors.
They need to keep them away from us.
Okay.
Well.
The military is so just cool, you know.
Just so neat with bombs and whatnot.
Yes.
I got you.
Just so.
It's so muscular.
White suits.
Oh, yes.
Baggy butt tight also.
Is this making up for the loss of Rick Perry?
Yes, it is.
Okay, I made a deal with him.
Okay.
That I'd be super gay.
I know.
It's working.
Like, cartoonishly, son.
And I'm a southern gentleman, and I honor my agreement.
Okay, well, I appreciate that.
I really do.
All right.
Well, listen, Senator, thanks for calling.
Thanks for being on the show, and we look forward to talking to you more.
Oh, I'm having a fabulous day.
Talking to you has made it even better.
Okay.
All right.
We'll save up some of the gay jokes for our next time, okay?
Okay, get your writers working on making me a complete cartoon of a homosexual, okay?
Okay, we'll do.
Okay.
Okay, bye.
You take care now.
Eat your vegetables.
Okay, Lindsey Graham.
Okay, so first of all, Mike McRae is a genius, and that is hilarious.
And I am so lucky to have the talented people who work with me on this show, all the writers and Mike McRae, and, you know, to everybody, Frank, Robert, Steph Zamarano, Mark Van Landuit, Michael Schurzer.
I mean, I'm very lucky.
So I don't know.
I felt that I enjoyed this week's show so much.
I wanted to break in and just say that.
Oh, no, but I really am breaking in also because you remember last week we did that story about the college kid who got shot, unarmed college kid, took some shrooms.
He jumps out of a second story window.
His friends are afraid for his safety.
So they call the cops and the Long Beach cops show up and they shoot him.
And he was unarmed and he's an honors college student and he's a debate coach and he's a great kid.
Unarmed.
And so that anyway, so this guy from the LBC's, I'm going to guess that stands for Long Beach Peace and Justice Movement sent me, there's going to rally.
There's going to be a rally Saturday, June 13th at 11.30 a.m. for another kid that was unarmed and shot.
Another unarmed teenager shot by the Long Beach Police.
Wow.
Oh my God.
So that's Saturday, June 13th.
And this kid's name, the family, so here's what they sent me.
The family of Hector Morjohn, an unarmed teenager gunned down by a Long Beach police officer on April 23rd, 2015, has declared that they will not stop protesting until there is justice for Hector.
The senseless killing of the unarmed by the police must end.
The Morjohns invite all who have lost a loved one to police violence to join them and to speak out in March.
Black Lives Matter, Long Beach will be there to support them.
And so that's Saturday, June 13th.
They're going to meet at Lincoln Park in Long Beach at 11.30 a.m.
And then they'll have a march down to the main library.
And then it's going to be followed by families speaking out at the Long Beach Police Department.
So that's pretty cool.
And it's called the March to Demand Justice.
It says bring your whistles, horns, drums, and if you are able, pre-package healthy snacks like nuts and fruit to share.
Now, I wasn't given a website for more information.
That's why I gave you all that information.
You know what?
I'm going to post.
They do have a Facebook thing that I will post to my Facebook page.
So if you're really interested, you can go there and check it out.
Thank you.
Gang residents, how my age director call.
Congressman King.
Ward Aubit.
Hey, it's Jimmy Dore.
Jimmy, you Irish bastard.
How's your penis dead, you piece of shit?
I'm sorry, what?
Yeah, it's just an expression here, you little girl.
Don't go all having your period over it.
That's some pretty salty language, Congressman.
It's not.
Don't forget, Jimmy, I used to hang out with IRA guys.
They used to greet each other by saying, hey, how's that I left in your mother's?
I already tell Robert Yashimura wrote this shit.
That could well be the most vulgar thing I've ever heard.
Well, you and I both know there's a lot more to that Peter King phone call, but how do you hear it?
You got to get the premium content.
And how do you do that?
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, you click on join premium, make your $5 donation, or if you pay for the entire year, we give you a month for free.
So it's only $5 a month.
And if you pay for the whole year at once, we'll give you a month free.
That's a good deal.
So it's even less than $5 a month.
Wow.
All right.
So thanks, everybody who does that.
And if you've joined and you haven't gotten your passcode for whatever reason, send me an email at my old timey email, jimmy door at earthlink.net, and I'll give you, I'll email you right back.
Okay, so, and I'll see everybody.
I don't know when you're listening to this, but if you hear it before 8 p.m. on June 13th, come see me do stand-up over at the improv.
There's a discount ticket link over at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And guess what?
I just got confirmation.
One of my favorite comedians of all time is going to be coming down and doing a set on that show.
I can't say who, but he is definitely special.
All right.
That's tomorrow night or tonight, whenever you're listening to this, or maybe it was last night if you listened to it on Sunday.
But it's going to be 8 p.m. show, June 13th at the improv.
Okay.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, Steph Zemarano, Mark Van Landuitt, and Michael Schertzer and Robert Yasamura.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's all for this week.
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