Jimmy Dore Show - 20150606_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_6-5-15

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June 6, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show

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	Hey, I'll see you next Saturday, June 13th, 8 p.m. show.
	I'm headlining the improv in Hollywood, California.
	Discounted ticket link over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
	See you there.
	This week's show is sponsored by Audible.com.
	Audible.com has more than 180,000 audiobooks and spoken word audio products for you to choose from.
	Get a free audiobook of your choice, courtesy of the Jimmy Dore Show, at audibletrial.com slash Jimmy Dore.
	That's audibletrial.com slash Jimmy Dore.
	Enjoy.
	Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
	The Jimmy Dore Show.
	On the phone, we have Speaker of the House, John Boehner.
	Hi, Speakers.
	Boehner, how you doing?
	Hey, hey, Jimmy.
	Did you see Mitch McConnell's brilliant stewardship of the Patriot Act?
	What a fucking pud puller that guy is.
	Yeah, I gotta say, even Obama was laughing at him.
	Fucking Chump is getting schooled by Rand Paul for fuck's sake.
	What's the big deal that it's Rand Paul?
	Let me tell you something, Jimmy.
	Some fucking little dickless wonder with a perm tries to pull that shit in the house and he'll get the libertarian bullshit beating right out of him.
	He'll be transitioning his positions faster than Caitlyn Jenner.
	Oh, God.
	Oh, God.
	It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
	the show for the kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
	It's hard to talk to your TV.
	And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
	It's Jimmy Dore.
	Hi, everybody.
	Welcome to this week's show.
	I am joined in the studio across from me.
	You know her from the hit show, A Carlin Home Companion.
	It's Kelly Carlin.
	Hi, Kelly.
	Hey, Jimmy.
	On the phone from New York City, you know him, you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
	It's TV's Frank, Frank Conniff.
	Hello there.
	Hey, Frank.
	Across the glass from me, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, and from the blog The Miserable Liberal, it's our resident Latina, Steph Zamarano.
	Hey, Steph, how are you?
	I'm great, Jimmy.
	Ola.
	Ola, good to hear your voice.
	Are you Mexican?
	I sure am.
	I'm a mech's iCan.
	I thought so.
	Also, next to him, hilarious comedian Michael Schertzer.
	Hey, Michael.
	Hey, what's up, Jimmy?
	Let's get to the jokes before we get to the joke, shall we?
	Hey, Denny Hastert, getting some hot water.
	You know about Denny and got caught the former Speaker of the House.
	You know, it's a shame that Denny Haster's legacy as the Speaker of the House who legislated an evil war and the crashing of our economy is now tarnished.
	There you go.
	All right.
	Do you know Denny Hastert's scandal is so creepy?
	It's so creepy, but we don't yet know if it reaches the Mike Huckabee defends it level of creepy.
	We will know soon enough.
	Hi, I got that joke out, huh, Frank?
	You know, the mystery at the Core F. Dennis Hastert scandal?
	If he's so creepy and corrupt, why doesn't he have his own reality show?
	Everyone watching the movies, new movies are out.
	San Andreas looks visually spectacular, but I'm much more interested in the Dwayne Johnson's character's emotional journey.
	He has emotions?
	Yes, he does.
	That's why.
	You know, the new Daredevil series on Netflix is out, and it looks grim and brooding.
	It looks like a grim, brooding angst fest like the Dark Knight films.
	But I liked it anyway.
	Oh, the Duger scandal.
	Duggars.
	How did you say Duggers?
	I believe it's Duggars.
	Duggars, because it rhymes with buggers.
	That's right.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	I hate to say it, but after this Duggar scandal, I may have lost the respect I've always had for anyone named Jim Bob.
	You know, hearing Mike Huckabee say he'd pretend to be transgender in order to shower with young girls made me want to take a shower.
	You know, Caitlin Jenner is a Republican.
	Did you know this?
	Yes.
	Caitlin Jenner, a Republican, and Caitlin Jenner is the only Republican I can think of who was actually willing to change.
	I think that needs a bump on.
	Scott Walker, did you hear his latest about rape and incest and all that stuff?
	Governor Walker, Governor Scott Walker, is pro-choice.
	He believes in a man's right to choose if a woman he fucks should have reproductive rights or not.
	That's a funny cod of pro-choicies.
	Hey, did you hear Martin O'Malley?
	He declared that he's running for president.
	Martin O'Malley declared, what's the point of Martin O'Malley even running for president?
	Oh, wait, I remember.
	Democracy.
	Every Democratic presidential candidate, this is funny.
	Every Democratic presidential candidate believes in climate science.
	What kind of a crazy batshit con car is this?
	Am I right?
	Hey, did you hear Cameron Crow?
	He's in a little hot water.
	Right now, he's saying that he regrets casting white actresses as Asian.
	And he's going to do a better job in his next film, The Life of Yoko, starring Kate Hudson.
	Vince Vaughan in the news, Vince Vaughan in the news, said he wants a gun in every school.
	He wants guns in every classroom.
	And he's being defended on Fox News by a gun extremist and white supremacist Larry Pratt.
	So he's got that going for him.
	What's coming up on today's show?
	Rand Paul tells everybody what started ISIS.
	And boy, does that get him in a lot of hot water with the right wing.
	Plus, two police killings right in one night of unarmed people in Los Angeles.
	And we cover it.
	Plus the TSA, they did a test of the TSA to see what's getting through.
	Guess what's getting through?
	The TSA line.
	Fucking everything.
	Plus, we got phone calls today from Speaker Boehner, Vince Vaughan, and Luke Russer.
	Plus, we have an extended interview with our special guest, Kelly Carlin, in this episode.
	Plus, a lot more.
	That's today on the Jimmy Dore show.
	Hey, listen, Speaker Boehner, something I wanted to ask you about.
	What's the feeling about Caitlin Jenner in the house?
	Do you guys admire his guts at least?
	Oh, what a courageous hero.
	Give me a fucking break.
	You don't think he's courageous?
	For what?
	Indulging his sexual urges publicly.
	Hell no.
	It's not sexual urges, sir.
	Come on, what's the big deal?
	Everybody likes to dress up.
	Everybody likes the feel of nylons against their skin.
	Silky panties and whatnot.
	But only women get to have those pleasures.
	The trade-off for having to give birth and be second-class citizens.
	What are you saying?
	Because we have responsibilities.
	We're grown men.
	And we reserve that kind of fun for private time.
	I still don't.
	What are you, what?
	Everybody likes to play fun sex dress-up games, but you don't see me traipsing into the house floor in my black mini bandage dress shredded at the back.
	Blue bra openings.
	Expect the caucus to take me seriously.
	What?
	You like to wear a bandage dress?
	Sexy satin.
	Gracie, lacy, sleeveless side tie halter.
	A flirty front wrap with side cutouts.
	Open towel neck.
	I like it all, but I don't wear it in public.
	It is private sexy time.
	Private time to explore for me and my little lady that I've hired.
	What are you?
	What are you saying?
	You don't think Lindsey Graham goes into a quiver the thought of a complete midnight affair camasol set.
	Not to mention a snap-up lace bra and garter set.
	Oh, I've personally seen him wet beads just thinking about it.
	Not like Mr. No Self-Control Caitlin.
	He deserves a medal for not indulging it in public.
	Oh, so I get so what you're saying is that you think that Bruce is just acting like a public pervert, the way all guys act like private perverts in their private life.
	Exactly.
	You got to keep it wrapped up.
	There's nothing brave about that.
	It'd be like me masturbating in public.
	That wouldn't be brave.
	Oh, I say, oh, I got everyone wants to do that.
	I get it.
	I get it now.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	What's what?
	What would be your female dress of trouble?
	I feel like a body stocking.
	The thing is, Speaker, it's not, but that comes from a different place, I think.
	I don't know.
	I'm confused about my gender.
	I just like to, you know, I just like to feel sexy.
	You do?
	Well, sure, we all like to feel sexy.
	I mean, but I mean, who isn't confused about their gender?
	I like to feel sexy, too.
	They also see me in the cover of Vanity Fair.
	Okay, so I get it.
	I get it.
	So you, hmm, like a real man would squelch his desires to be like that in public for the sake of his job and his family.
	Exactly, like all of us good upstanding men have done.
	All of us good Christian men.
	All right.
	Well, listen, Speaker Boehner, I appreciate you sharing that insight with me.
	I didn't really, I didn't, I did not see this coming.
	Well, okay.
	I mean, I don't see what I told you that was interesting at all, but you know, I mean, if I could help you out, that's good.
	You know, in order for you to do well in show business, I'd urge you to not indulge your desires to dress up in dresses.
	Sundresses, boo-boos, whatever you're thinking.
	Well, I don't, you know what?
	Honestly, I don't think it could hurt.
	All right, Speaker, I appreciate it.
	And I look forward to more Mitch McConnell's stewardship in the Senate.
	Oh, he's the best.
	He's like the only guy who could make you look not look good.
	I know.
	That's why I like him.
	All right, John.
	Thank you, buddy.
	Sounds good.
	Okay, that was John Boehner, ladies and gentlemen.
	All right, so I'm watching MSNBC, and there's this new report about police shootings.
	So the Washington Post, a little investigation, they tried because there's no database of police shootings, how many times they kill innocent people, how many times they even kill people.
	They're supposed to report stuff to the FBI, but voluntarily.
	So they don't.
	So we don't know what the numbers are.
	It's not mandatory because the gun lobby has lobbied against.
	Oh, is that what it is, Frank?
	Yes, that's exactly what it is.
	So, okay, so the gun lobby is so now we don't know how many people the cops are killing, which it seems to be all the time.
	And so here's what the Washington Post came up with.
	At least 385 people have been shot and killed by police in just the first five months of this year.
	So take a look at this here in each silhouette.
	380.
	Did she just say 385 people have been killed in the first five months?
	So I'm going to guess that's 385 more people that have been killed by police in England.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	I'm going to guess.
	I'm not sure about that.
	There might be one person they killed in England.
	I don't know how many they kill in Canada in that same time.
	One?
	Again, maybe one.
	So you want to.
	So this is the effect of people will say, well, you know what?
	What's wrong with having the death penalty?
	Why shouldn't you kill someone?
	Because it makes us a more violent society overall.
	There's something when people talk about the fabric of our culture, that's a real thing.
	I know it's an idea.
	That's a metaphor, but that refers to something that's real, even though you can't touch it.
	There's a real fabric.
	So when you are okay with police cracking the heads of peaceful protesters, when you're okay with your government invading other countries illegally, killing their people and stealing their natural resources, and then ordering war crimes to cover it up and no one being punished for it.
	When you're okay with us torturing our own soldiers who reveal crimes inside of our own war machine, when you're okay with that stuff, then you're going to be okay with cops killing.
	You're okay with this.
	This is how it turns into 385 killings in the first five months by cops.
	We're going to talk about how many unarmed people.
	Here we go.
	That represents 10 human lives killed at a rate of more than two per day.
	Two per day.
	So cops are killing more than two people per day.
	Cops are killing more than two people per day.
	And who says cops don't do hard work?
	Right?
	Here we go.
	Force.
	Here we go.
	Also, according to the report, more than 80% of the victims, they were armed with potentially lethal objects.
	If you look here, 200.
	So I don't know if you heard how fast she said that.
	She goes, according to the report, more than 80% of the victims were armed, which means 20% were unarmed.
	20% of those 385 people that they killed were unarmed.
	Now, Michael, do the math on that.
	What's 20% of 385?
	So about 80?
	About 80, really?
	Yeah, roughly slightly under 80.
	Yeah.
	So 80 people in the first five months of this year were unarmed and shot dead.
	Like not just shot, shot dead.
	No, no gun on them.
	And she said armed with an object.
	She didn't even say gun.
	Oh, right.
	By the way, that could have been screwdriver.
	So here's what she goes.
	She'll break it down.
	21.
	221 of them had a gun.
	Gun.
	68 with a knife or other type.
	68 had a knife or other types.
	Type of blade here.
	In Houston, one guy had a pencil and they shot him because he wouldn't put down the pencil.
	What type of blades are people carrying?
	Like katanas?
	So I don't, you tell me.
	So here we go.
	22 with a truck or other vehicle.
	So 22 people were armed with their car.
	Wow.
	They shot him.
	They didn't have a gun or a knife, but they had a car.
	So they shot him.
	Those cars were concealed.
	Okay, here we go.
	And six with other potentially lethal weapon.
	And six with potentially.
	So that's because 80% were armed.
	So even taking that number, 20% were armed.
	That is amazing.
	You know, it's interesting where she said only six had potentially lethal weapon.
	What would that lethal weapon have been?
	It could have been like a screwdriver.
	A screwdriver, yeah.
	Or them just walking down the street.
	Or who knows?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, whatever they get to define it in the moment.
	Imagine if this was a country where citizens weren't allowed to carry guns like in England.
	Just imagine.
	Yeah.
	So we're in England, but the cops are allowed to carry guns.
	And they kill 80 people.
	Right.
	In five months.
	Shoot them.
	But we're not allowed to carry guns.
	But the cops are.
	Could you imagine the outrage there would be in this country?
	That the only people allowed to carry guns are going around shooting people without guns?
	Yeah.
	That would be unbelievable.
	The equivalent in England of shooting unarmed people is just policemen going, Hey, what's all this now?
	I don't, there's, there's some hooligans.
	They have hooligan problems, right?
	What's up?
	Isn't that what Bill Hicks said?
	All right.
	So here's what she says, but.
	And then you're going to break down the demographics of the unarmed victims.
	The majority of them, two thirds, were black or Hispanic.
	That's a major shift when you keep in mind about half of the victims were white and half were non-white.
	So if you're going to get shot by a cop and you don't have a gun or a knife, chances are you're black or Hispanic.
	So they don't shoot unarmed whites as often as they shoot unarmed blacks or Hispanics.
	So you three are feeling pretty good.
	Yeah, we're fine.
	We're good.
	We're safe.
	I feel all right.
	So why do I, so I bring this up, just, I bring this up because that's interesting enough.
	But I was watching, I happen to be home on a weekend night, which doesn't happen often because I'm out doing comedy.
	But we were home, it was either Friday or Saturday night.
	And I said, Hey, let's watch the local news because it's always good for a laugh.
	Totally.
	It's always good for a laugh.
	Look, look, it's always amazing what makes the news.
	Like what happened?
	Like if there's a camera that caught something, like if a cat, like if a cat ran across the street, didn't even get hit.
	But if it dodged a car and they had video of it, that's going to make the news.
	So this is kind of the equivalent of that.
	So here's what made the news.
	New at 11, scary moments in Koreatown when a boy fell out of a window.
	Police don't know how high up he was at the time, but they say he hit a tree on the way down.
	Paramedics rushed him to a hospital and we're still waiting to hear just how bad.
	A kid fell out of a tree.
	A kid was climbing a tree.
	Yeah.
	Somehow that makes the news.
	How does that make the news?
	A kid fell out of a tree.
	Or he was climbing.
	I don't know.
	How does that make the news?
	Okay, what else happened?
	That boy was hurt.
	Well, just a couple of hours earlier in Koreatown, the L.A. Fire Department.
	So now they're going to a video of the top of a roof from a helicopter and they're showing a woman.
	Watch.
	And had to pull a woman out of a chimney vent.
	So a woman.
	So there's on top of an apartment building, there's this huge like chimney and a bunch of different vents.
	And she's in one of them.
	And they have her, literally they lift a tire around, a rope around her hands.
	And they have the helicopter pull her up.
	That's how far down she was.
	So they pull her up.
	Topper 4 was overhead when firefighters pulled the woman from that vent.
	She was covered in soot but otherwise okay.
	Investigators still have not said how or why she was in the vent.
	But firefighters did tell us the situation was somehow related to reports of someone trying to jump from the building.
	So apparently she was up there trying to commit suicide and she slipped and fell.
	She didn't fall off the building.
	She fell down one of the chimney vents.
	So they had to call the fireman to come out and save her.
	And they pull her out.
	They're like okay you're safe.
	She goes oh thanks.
	I hated being in there.
	I don't want to die in a chimney.
	I want to jump off a building.
	Thanks for saving me because that would have been horrible.
	I would have died in a way I didn't want to.
	I want to die like that.
	Thanks.
	And then she just jumps.
	That would have been nice.
	Did this happen recently or were they filming a Keystone cops comedy?
	And the only reason that.
	Getting trapped in a vent.
	Come on.
	It's funny.
	And the only reason that made the news is because the news chopper happened to be there and they got video of it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So here's why I really wanted to talk.
	You know what?
	The newscaster did sound like she was starting to laugh at the very end.
	Did she?
	Yeah.
	And then a woman was trapped in a chimney.
	Okay.
	So here's why I really wanted to play it.
	I'm watching the local news on Saturday and here's the lead story.
	I'll turn it on.
	Sounds very true.
	Right now at 11, Long Beach police shoot and kill an unarmed college student.
	Now his family wonders why.
	NBC4's Kate Larson is in Woodland Hills where the family says they don't believe the police department's side of the story.
	Kate, what are they telling you?
	They don't believe the police
	side of the story really they shot an unarmed college kid they don't believe so i don't believe so so here's what happened so this is there's this college kid and he's a super good student 3.9 gpa he's on a debate team he actually coaches high school debate kids so he's a great kid and he's in college and so he went down to visit some friends they're going to study for this big debate coming up they end up taking shrooms now this kid never took shrooms before so he's this here's this big-brained academic kid and he takes shrooms like almost everybody
	does at one point in their life or another who goes to college and he has a bad trip
	and he starts freaking out so his friends try to calm him down he doesn't calm down he ends up jumping out a window he jumped out a second floor window right so his friends freak out they don't know what to do and he doesn't have his glasses and he's hurt so they called 911 say hey our friend is having a bad trip and he just jumped out the window so the cops show up and they're like oh that will fix it and they shot him oh my god well in fairness they did fix it i mean they did fix it
	his trip is over so here's so so the family doesn't believe he was he killed yes he's dead oh wow he's dead frank yes he's dead unarmed so here's so here's the real so here's what the police what so what's the police's side of the story let's hear it right according to the long beach police department's press release after getting into a physical altercation with friends maraud jumped through a second story glass window the release goes on to say when
	an officer arrived he ordered maraud to stop walking towards him used a taser a baton and physical force to try and subdue the 20 year old police say maraud threatened to attack and that's when the officer shot him so there's an unarmed college kid by the way he was shirtless so they knew he was super unarmed so he's shirtless he doesn't have his glasses he just fell out of a second story window and
	he's on mushrooms and his friends called the cops for to come help him so the cops show up they give him a command he doesn't follow it because he's on mushrooms but he's unarmed and so the cops instead of going back to their cruiser and calling for some more cops hey you know what i got an unarmed kid here who's on drugs i need some help subduing him right can you can you come kind i need some backup?
	Instead of doing that, they give him a couple of commands.
	He doesn't follow them, so they shoot him in cold blood.
	He's unarmed and they shot him.
	These are cops.
	These are people trained.
	They're supposed to be trained to deal with confrontations, all different kinds.
	I'm sure that comes up during training that you might encounter people who are high on drugs.
	What should we do when people are high on drugs?
	Shoot them.
	Jesus.
	I remember years ago when angel dust was a big thing back then.
	And it was like there were a lot of instances of people smoking and freaking out and becoming and it made you stronger kind of.
	Superhuman strength, they would tell you.
	But I don't remember that many cases of them shooting them.
	Yeah.
	They would like to subdue them and it would be really hard.
	And it wouldn't be an easy thing.
	But shooting them was, it used to be that shooting them was not plan A, you know.
	Right.
	So what, so the cops, so the cop gives him a command.
	He doesn't respond.
	They taser him, doesn't respond.
	Then they hit him with a baton.
	He doesn't respond.
	So they go, well, I guess we have to shoot him.
	Instead of doing nothing, instead of, I don't know, calling some more cops, like I said, to come help me subdue this guy because I can't subdue an unarmed man by myself.
	That's what you're supposed to do.
	If he's unarmed, you're not supposed to be able to shoot him.
	And even if you're going to, I mean, even if, okay, let's say you're deciding to shoot him, shoot him in the leg or something.
	You don't shoot him in the leg?
	Right?
	No, they're not trained.
	They're trained to shoot.
	When you shoot someone, you shoot him in the chest.
	Yeah.
	Well, now, these days, shooting in the chest is considered a warning shot.
	Yeah.
	Wow, yeah.
	That's just, it's, you know, if anybody else did that, let's put it this way.
	If I was walking down the street and an unarmed guy was walking down the street and I said that he was threatening to me and I shot him, I'd be in jail right now.
	And I would go to prison for 15 years minimum for shooting someone who's go ahead, Frank.
	Unless you would follow your family tradition and become a cop.
	Yeah, unless you're a cop.
	If you're a cop and you shoot an unarmed college kid, unarmed.
	I can't get over this.
	So the cops in the report, if you heard, if you remember, I'll talk, they said that he had a fight with his friends.
	They'll go, oh, he got into a physic, violent fight with his friends, but his brother says this.
	I don't know why the press really says that they were fighting from what the friends had told me.
	He was just having a bad reaction.
	He was just having a bad reaction to the shrooms.
	Right.
	I think that was his cousin.
	So what?
	That's another thing from, you know, from the 60s or the 70s or whatever, when, you know, there was a lot of kids taking action and having bad trips.
	It was like a very normal thing for something like this to happen.
	And once again, I don't remember, you know, Diane Linkletter died because she jumped out the window, not because cops shot her.
	Yeah.
	Well, the police weren't as militarized then.
	Yes.
	They didn't have as much weapons.
	And yeah, that's my question.
	It was like, is this like a post-Daryl Gates thing?
	I mean, because, you know, Daryl Gates was the man who militarized the LAPD.
	And you know, like, when did this, when did this whole thing shift where it became really, you know, about brute force versus citizens?
	I mean, it's.
	Well, my theory is it started with the drug war, right?
	Because if they, all they had to do was prove that you or say that you had something to do with drugs, they could do asset forfeiture.
	They can do a no-knock raid.
	They could take your car away.
	So you weren't a citizen.
	You weren't a person anymore.
	All they had to do was say that.
	And then after 9-11, all they do was say you're a terrorist.
	Now it's about my safety.
	Now it's about, I think he was going for a while.
	It's all that about the cop safety when it used to be you became a cop because you're willing to risk your safety to protect yourself.
	To protect your community.
	That's the whole point.
	You're going to go talk to that guy who's unarmed because he might punch you.
	I don't want to do it because I'm a citizen.
	I'm not trained to do it.
	You have a nightstick.
	You have pepper spray.
	You have other people you can call to help you.
	Oh, by the way, you have a gun and you shoot him too, I guess.
	That's what you guys.
	So that's the here's what here's they said that he threatened to attack the cop and so he shot him.
	He he was threatening to attack.
	He didn't say he attacked him.
	Right.
	Did you hear that?
	They threatened.
	And so here's what his friends say who were there.
	I have spoken to Faras's friend in detail.
	He says he was 20 feet away when the shooting happened.
	He says Faras was hurt from jumping out that window without his glasses and out of it from those drugs that he took.
	He says that Faras was actually walking away from the officer when he fired.
	Again, an unarmed college kid.
	He's on mushrooms.
	How do we handle this?
	We shoot him.
	Send a cop.
	Make sure his gun is full.
	Make sure he's got all his bullets.
	And we know from that other videotape that we all saw from a month or so ago that a cop shooting someone who's going away from them is not an unusual thing.
	Yeah, right.
	Well, right.
	It's not an unheard of thing, put it that way.
	And they planted a gun on that guy.
	And then they planted a gun on that guy.
	They tried to plant something.
	I forget what it was, but they planted.
	Oh, they said he stole the taser.
	Right.
	Taser, my bad.
	They tried to, they planted it.
	So here, so, so that's, so that's great.
	Let's just recap that story really quickly because it's super sad.
	So the guy is unarmed.
	He's a college.
	He's a star college student, has a bad mushroom trip, falls out of a second-story window.
	He's hurt.
	He's shirtless.
	He doesn't have his glasses.
	His friends call the cops to help him.
	Cops show up, shoot him dead for nothing.
	Hey, there's a lot more to that story.
	In fact, there's a big twist to the LA Cop Shoots Unarmed College Kid story coming up in the second half of the Jimmy Dore show.
	But right now, I'm going to play a phone call I got from Bill O'Reilly.
	He left me a message.
	He was drunk and super upset that it got revealed during his divorce proceedings that his daughter claimed she saw him drag his wife down the steps of their house by the neck.
	He called me drunk.
	Here it is.
	Jimmy Dore Bill O'Reilly.
	Knock knock.
	Who's dead?
	B.O. B.O. Who?
	B.O. Riley.
	Go away.
	I am a restraining lawyer.
	You I wish I ever married you.
	Automike.
	Automike.
	I faked all my orgasms, too.
	What's this?
	Hello, what do you want?
	All right, Jimmy Dore.
	You're easy to talk to.
	You always listen to me.
	My kids keep asking where's Fluffy.
	I can't tell them I sold her to the animal research lab down the street.
	Oh, that's right.
	I'm the asshole again.
	Uh-uh.
	You're wrong.
	I'm the good guy.
	I work every day to keep my bitch whore of an ex-wife in luxury while she's getting plowed by cop cock.
	If she was right here in front of me, I would grab her throat and throw her down the stairs again.
	I'm going to go stare at myself in the mirror until I don't feel anything.
	Wow, that's really seeming to be weighing on Bill O'Reilly.
	That divorce is not going well for him.
	He sounds like he's going through some stuff.
	He really does.
	Hey, right now I want to take time to let you know there's two real easy ways to help support the show that don't cost you any money, right?
	Do you love the show?
	Do you look for a way to support it without it cost anything?
	There's two ways.
	The first way is when you buy something from Amazon, use our Amazon box out right at the front page of jimmydoorcomedy.com.
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	The other way is if you go to audibletrial.com slash Jimmy Door, go get your free book.
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	I'm not encouraging you to stop at Amazon, but if you are going to buy something on Amazon, how about have some of that money go to a good cause like the Jimmy Door show?
	All right, and then go get your free book at Audible.
	That's it.
	All right.
	Now let's get back to the second half of the show.
	Hey, welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
	We got phone calls this half hour.
	We got phone calls from Vince Vaughan coming up.
	Luke Russert coming up.
	John Boehner calls in.
	Plus, we get back to our discussion about LAPD shooting unarmed men two in one night unarmed.
	Okay.
	And that's what the big deal is.
	Plus, we're going to talk about the TSA's success rate in catching bombs, plus a lot more.
	But right now, let's get to our phone call with Luke Russert.
	So Luke Russert recently tweeted.
	There's a new app for Twitter.
	It's called Periscope, right?
	And now what Periscope allows you to do is live stream events through Twitter.
	Yeah, right?
	Super cool.
	So there was a, I guess there was a reporter reporting on something and he was using this app.
	And Luke Russert tweeted, this was the tweet, the ultimate game changer.
	You are literally in the room.
	Okay.
	No, I just thought that was, first of all, so I called him up and I wanted to ask him about it.
	I got him on the phone.
	Even though he blocked me on Twitter, he's taking your call.
	He still takes my calls.
	It's a good guy.
	That's to me, that's a stand-up guy.
	Absolutely.
	He's taken after his father, Tom.
	I mean, Tim.
	Okay.
	So, Luke, I saw you had a tweet today where you said it was the ultimate game changer and that you were literally in the room with the reporter.
	Yes, that's what I said.
	It literally changes the game.
	And you're literally in the room with the reporter.
	It's just a whole new thing.
	This, I'm sorry, but this is going to leave the CNN hologram in the dust.
	So when you say you're literally, first of all, game changer, the ultimate game changer.
	The ultimate, dare I say, the penultimate game changer.
	No, well, that's not actually as big as the ultimate, the penalty, even though there's an extra word.
	But it has another syllable on it.
	That means one more, right?
	So it's like a bug ultimate.
	Yeah, no.
	So also, when you say, you know, when you refer to things at ultimate game changers, it seems a little trite.
	Well, I mean, it's definitely epic.
	It's an epic game changer.
	What else is a journalist to say?
	Well, how else would someone soberly report this play other than saying, this is an epic game changer, dude?
	Now, when you said that it literally, because the reporter's wearing a camera while he interviews someone, you say you're literally in the room.
	You're not literally, you're in your room.
	You're in your house.
	No, but you're literally there with the person.
	No, you're figuratively there, vis-a-vis the camera.
	So that means you're figuratively.
	I mean, you can literally see into the room.
	No, I mean, it's not an analogy.
	It's literally.
	I mean, figure eight or figurative.
	No, you're wrong.
	I mean, I'd have to go back and look, but it's like simile, metaphor, and like, I used to know that stuff.
	Hey, did you hear Vince Vaughan's idea about putting guns in school?
	Yes, I did.
	That is literally a game changer.
	Okay.
	Okay, Luke.
	It was good talking to you.
	I'm stoked for this game changer.
	This for a long, for a long time, Jimmy.
	I have personally been saying we need to change this game.
	It all depends on your narrative, Jimmy.
	Oh, Luke.
	Okay, listen.
	It was good talking to you, and I appreciate your tweeting.
	You blocked me, though.
	Why did you block me?
	Because your narrative and my narrative weren't Sympathica.
	They were meshing, man.
	Meshing.
	They're not meshing.
	You harsh my mellow on social media so much.
	I just can't deal.
	I just can't even with your tweets.
	laughter
	Okay, Luke, I appreciate you checking in with us.
	It's great.
	I'm going to create another fake account Twitter account so I can follow you again.
	Oh, man.
	Okay.
	All right, Luke.
	Thanks, buddy.
	Okay.
	Bye, dude.
	Okay, Luke Russer, ladies and gentlemen.
	Hey.
	The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
	Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
	And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
	Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
	Do you have an Apple computer that needs fixing?
	Sean James can fix it for you right over the internet like he does for me.
	Send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
	And you spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
	Hey, I'm joined in the studio by Kelly Carlin, Frank Conniff, Steph Zamorano, and Michael Schurtzer.
	And we're talking about two LA shootings by policemen of unarmed citizens.
	Let's get back to our studio.
	So this is from the same newscast.
	So I'm watching.
	This is from the local news here in Los Angeles.
	This is from the same newscast.
	We go to a commercial.
	We come back.
	They do the story of the lady in the chimney and the kid who fell out of the tree.
	And then they go to this story.
	Tonight on a police shooting in the Westlake area, the LAPD now says A man who was shot and wounded did not point a gun at officers as first reported.
	Police, however, did say they found a handgun at the scene.
	They say the man identified as Jason Bangle refused to surrender and started moving toward one of the officers.
	Officers shot Bangle and paramedics took him to a hospital in critical condition.
	Okay, so this in both cases, this is from the same effing newscast.
	Two unarmed guys get shot for nothing.
	The police, in their own words, said they moved towards the officers.
	If someone moved towards me and I shot them, I would be in jail for murder.
	If an unarmed person moved towards me and I said I felt threatened and I shot them, I would be in jail for murder.
	Yeah.
	Also, Chimney, if you shot the person coming to you, you would be in jail.
	And also, you're not trained to deal with a person coming towards you, whereas the cops are supposedly trained to handle that situation.
	So in a way, you would be more justified, or not more justified, but it would be a little bit more understandable that you, not having any training, would shoot someone you're threatened by.
	Shoot first.
	The cops are supposedly trained to handle the situation, and then instead they just shoot them.
	Well, in fairness, they did hit him.
	So I guess they're training.
	So, well, no, that was the college kid they hit.
	This guy, they said they just gave him a command to stop coming forward, and then they shot him.
	No, I mean, like, the bullets hit him.
	Oh, the bullets.
	Their aim is pretty good.
	I mean, listen to what I'm playing on.
	It doesn't matter whether you come towards them or not.
	If you're running away from them, they shoot you now, too.
	So it's, you know, even if you comply or you're not.
	So if a guy's coming, first of all, why do you show up in a scene that if there's someone unarmed and you can't handle them, you're going to shoot them.
	You shouldn't show up to a situation like that.
	I don't want to.
	Yeah, I don't want to enter a situation where I might have to shoot an unarmed person because I can't handle that situation.
	That can't be protocol.
	Hey, what if it comes right down to it?
	If the guy's unarmed, just shoot him.
	That can't be the prototype.
	You're supposed to go back to your cruiser.
	You're supposed to call for backup.
	I got a guy who's beating the shit out of me, but he's unarmed.
	I need backup.
	Not, hey, there's a guy who's unarmed.
	He looks like he might beat me up, so I'm going to shoot him.
	He probably is.
	Well, I know 25 years ago, I used to hang out with some Santa Monica Police Department guys, cops, and they told me that if someone came into my house and I felt threatened and I was going to use a gun to shoot to kill because you didn't want to injure someone like that because they would sue you.
	The family would sue you ultimately.
	Yes.
	They would say.
	So that's the mentality.
	Aim to kill, they would say.
	Yes.
	This is what I was told by police.
	So shoot to kill to avoid being sued for injuring that.
	He says they'll take everything you've got if you injure them.
	But if you kill them, then you can say you were threatened, felt threatened, your life felt threatened, and then you're...
	And all you have to do is live for yourself.
	So that's not good.
	So I don't know if you saw the news.
	Rand Paul, he's quite a firebrand.
	Yes, you know, I don't agree with him very often, but I was kind of proud of him standing up there and doing that thing that he was doing.
	Oh, he's doing his filibuster.
	And he beat Mitch McConnell on that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, which was nice to see.
	I just worry when he says other things.
	But that was a nice thing to watch.
	I think a crazy man, even when he's right about something, is still a crazy man.
	But even a crazy man when he's, you know, a stop clock is right twice a day, right?
	So he's still right.
	Even when he's right.
	So that was, it was fun to see Rand Paul beat Mitch McConnell.
	Sometimes the young hare beats the turtle.
	Sometimes.
	Right?
	So he said this.
	ISIS exists and grew stronger because of the hawks in our party who gave arms indiscriminately and most of those arms were snatched up by ISIS.
	They created these people.
	ISIS is all over Libya because these same hawks in my party loved, they loved Hillary Clinton's war in Libya.
	They just wanted more of it.
	Yeah, okay.
	So that makes sense, right, Kelly?
	That the Republicans were war hawks when they invaded ISIS, that's what, and the Bathists got, they de-Bathified the military, which were Saddam's people.
	So that, and now they created ISIS.
	Right.
	Okay.
	So that's what he's saying.
	Right.
	And that's the truth.
	And you know the old saying in Washington is the only thing that gets you in trouble is when you tell the truth.
	Right.
	And so he got in trouble.
	I bet he did.
	Yeah.
	Dana Perino, you know her, the old press secretary for George Bush.
	She's here to tell us that Rand Paul is all effed up about ISIS.
	And what really started it?
	Here's what she's going to say.
	What he is trying to do is to say that all these Republicans are responsible for ISIS as if evil is not responsible for ISIS.
	Evil.
	Evil is responsible for ISIS.
	I agree that Bush is responsible.
	Yeah.
	Nice.
	I just picture like a big black cloud of something.
	That's like evil.
	Yes.
	Things.
	Evil.
	Evil is.
	Evil is responsible for ISIS.
	Gluttony is responsible for the al-Qaeda.
	And pride is responsible for Bill O'Reilly.
	Yes.
	Oh, yes.
	And the Musha Hardin.
	And things are responsible for terrorism.
	What is responsible for terrorism?
	Things.
	Things are responsible.
	Just things are.
	So here's her.
	I'm going to give her full answer.
	What he is trying to do is to say that all these Republicans are responsible for ISIS, as if evil is not responsible for ISIS.
	Also, ignoring President Obama's role in not enforcing the red line in Syria.
	So evil is responsible for ISIS, Kelly, and to a lesser extent, Barack Obama.
	Of course.
	Can't leave him out.
	But not the Republicans, not George Bush, and not our illegal war in Iraq.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	That's fantastic.
	Let's hear what she else she has to say.
	Basically, I think being completely out of touch with most Republican voters.
	Now, there are some.
	Yes, Bran Paul is out of touch with most Republican voters.
	That's true.
	So being in touch with most Republican voters would still be lying to yourself about Iraq and everything else.
	How exactly would she know what it's like to be in touch with voters?
	Bush never won an election.
	Oh, nice, Michael.
	Nice.
	Really cutting.
	Governor Bush, Governor Bush.
	So here's what Megan Kelly, she's going to put it in the right perspective.
	Oh, thank God you do.
	Thank God, Megan.
	She went to law school, I think.
	She's really smart.
	She went to Ivy League schools and stuff.
	She's really smart.
	And so watch how she's going to school us.
	On what happened when we took all the troops out of Iraq?
	Because all the other Republicans are saying that's when ISIS, which was basically an outgrowth of al-Qaeda.
	So she's saying that when we took, when Barack Obama withdrew our troops from Iraq.
	On the Bush timeline of withdrawal, by the way.
	On the Bush timeline from withdrawal, he didn't leave a residual force because Iraq's government wouldn't let him.
	Right.
	Right.
	Barack Obama wanted to leave.
	Believe me, Barack Obama wanted to leave a residual force.
	As did our military.
	The Iraqi government says no, so we had to pull out.
	Okay, so that's what we're talking about here.
	Here we go.
	Now, we're just getting to the good Part of her answer.
	I'm going to start it at the top, though, but it's really good.
	On what happened when we took all the troops out of Iraq, because all the other Republicans are saying that's when ISIS, which was basically an outgrowth of al-Qaeda in Iraq.
	That's when it was really born.
	And what the Republicans have said thus far is if you look back at what the Obama administration itself was saying at the time, we had won in Iraq.
	We had won.
	We won.
	I don't know if you know, Frank.
	Iraq, big victory.
	I know.
	I remember IV Day.
	Well, there was that big mission accomplished banner.
	I mean, that's right.
	So we even won earlier than that.
	We won that war a couple of times, Kelly.
	We went back for a couple of victories.
	Just for the hell of it.
	I haven't seen such a victory since Vietnam.
	There you go.
	Very nice.
	Yes, I haven't seen a victory like that.
	Let's hear her say it again.
	Jeff was saying at the time, we had won in Iraq.
	We had won.
	We had one.
	We won.
	We won.
	It was won.
	And you know it's true because we won against evil.
	Yes.
	Because I'm saying it on television.
	That's how you know we won.
	So that's the new meme, by the way, on the right.
	And if we won, then we're supposed to go home, right?
	Right.
	No, no, no.
	When you win, you stay.
	Oh, okay.
	Right.
	And what they'll do is they'll point to, well, look how we stayed in Germany.
	Look how we stayed in Korea.
	Look how we stayed in Japan.
	That's what they say.
	Well, they wanted us to.
	Yeah, they asked us.
	Also, we stayed there after unconditional surrender, which I don't know ever happened in Iraq.
	No.
	Well, we did hang Saddam Hussein, but that wasn't really a surrender.
	He just was.
	Oh, no.
	Yeah.
	And really, I'd want to stay in Germany or Japan definitely over wanting to stay in the world.
	In Iraq.
	Oh, definitely.
	Who wants to stay in that shithole?
	I've been to Germany.
	The strudel is fantastic.
	Fantastic.
	And the beer.
	Oh, my God.
	The beer you could still smoke in the restaurants when I was there.
	It was great.
	You could.
	You could still smoke in whenever it was 2004 or 5, I was in it.
	If I was in Tokyo and they have awesome waffle ice cream sandwiches.
	I'm not making that up.
	I love the waffle ice cream sandwiches in Japan.
	Do they come out of little machines?
	Everything comes out of machines there.
	They have them in 7-Elevens in Japan, but the 7-Elevens in Japan are 7-Elevens, but everything inside in terms of what they sell is different.
	Really?
	Yes, yes.
	I have been to a 7-Eleven in Oslo, and they, too, have everything weird and different in Oslo 7-Elevens.
	But it's a 7-Eleven.
	Really?
	Yes.
	So 7-Eleven in Japan.
	They don't sell Slurpees.
	They sell sippies because they're so neat and proper.
	All right, let's get back to the show.
	All right.
	So here, after Rand Paul said that, he got a pushback from all the Republicans running for president.
	Here, we start off with Bobby Jindal.
	We're not going to defeat evil through weakness.
	Unfortunately, Senator Paul doesn't seem to understand that.
	I think Rand Paul made a terrible mistake.
	I just hope that we don't have.
	That's George Pataki.
	That's George Bishop.
	By the way, he's running for president.
	Another one running.
	Yes.
	Got it.
	George Pataki.
	Talk about the ultimate game changer.
	George Pataki, huh?
	He's not remembered fondly by people here in New York who lived under his regime.
	I'll just say that.
	His regime.
	His regime, yeah.
	You mean even Republicans?
	Yeah, well, just because I didn't live here when he was governor, but everyone who I've talked to who has, you know, he raised the subway rates went up two or three times when he was here at the same time that he cut taxes for the rich.
	So in other words, the rich got a tax cut and the middle class and the poor got a tax hike in the form of higher subway fairs.
	Oh, okay.
	So that's...
	Yeah, but that's Reaganomics 101 right there, right?
	You cut taxes for the people at the top and you pass them down.
	They trickled out.
	Frank, you said he's not remembered fondly.
	I think it's just fair to say that he's not remembered.
	I don't think people remember Pataki at all.
	So here's the rest of the hate for Rand Paul.
	Just hope that we don't have any terrible consequences of it.
	This man is living in Nevada Neverland.
	Rand Paul should be a leading contender for the Democratic nomination for president.
	Rand Paul does not belong to the Republican Party when he carries that message.
	You know, it sounds like Bernie Sanders, not like some Republican running for president.
	If he prevails over you and the other candidates, who would you support for commander-in-chief, Rand Paul or Hillary Clinton?
	Well, when I came out of my coma, I would support Rand Paul.
	That's Lindsey Graham.
	I thought so.
	That's Lindsey Graham.
	I almost said Lindsey Wagner.
	That's Lindsey Graham.
	Isn't it interesting that they used Bernie Sanders as a pejorative?
	Yes.
	That's a good thing.
	Yeah.
	Even Republicans, like, there's a lot of, I saw polling that a lot of Republicans like Bernie Sanders, and I said on this show that Bernie Sanders was not a viable candidate.
	And I'm going to categorically retract that.
	I don't know what that means, but I like when people say categorically.
	It's very important.
	When someone categorically denies something, you know, they did it.
	Whatever they did.
	Because I've denied a lot of stuff.
	I've never categorically denied anything.
	That means you super did it and you talked to a lawyer first.
	Jimmy, have you ever categorically denied anything?
	One time when I had diarrhea.
	Well done.
	So that was Lindsey Graham.
	They all hate him because Rand Paul is too weak because he actually told the truth about what started ISIS.
	So again, if any reality creeps into the GOP primaries, it will be quickly stamped out.
	That is also.
	So then Ron Paul, our buddy Ron Paul, was on Fox Business.
	Did you know that who also has a show on there?
	Eric Estrada and Elvis.
	Did you know that?
	Fox Business.
	I'm like, where have those guys been?
	The host of the Fox Business said to Ron Paul that Rand Paul, his son, had just blown his chances by saying the true origin of ISIS, that that blew his chances for the nomination.
	And Ron Paul did not cotton to that.
	Here's what he said.
	I think you're wrong.
	And I think what you're saying is very discouraging because what you're saying is truth is unbearable.
	And I say truth is only treason in an empire of lies.
	Bam.
	Boom.
	An empire of lies.
	What you're saying is truth is unbearable.
	And truth is only treason in an empire of lies.
	Did he write that?
	He didn't write?
	No.
	Okay.
	He uses that phrase a lot.
	It's a good one, but he didn't write it.
	Oh, okay.
	That sounds like I got to put that in my act somewhere.
	You don't have to citate or give citations in your act.
	Not for political speeches, no.
	No.
	You can steal political speech.
	Yeah, ask Rand Paul.
	So here he's got a little more to say.
	No, you're on the right track when everybody's after you because the status quo cannot stand the truth to be put out in the open.
	Most people in this country don't believe the government anymore.
	I got it.
	I think it's very healthy.
	There you go.
	Most people don't even believe the government anymore, and I think it's very healthy.
	That's Ron Paul.
	That's the Ron Paul we all love.
	Yep.
	Yeah.
	And then all of a sudden, he'll, you know, he'll say.
	Yeah.
	And we, you know, we, the people don't trust the government or the blacks, and that's a good thing.
	That's when he goes off the rails.
	And are you paying me for this interview in gold or what?
	And I say, let that guy die if he doesn't have insurance.
	We'll be right back.
	I'm Ron Paul.
	So that's the, you know, it's that love-hate relationship I have with Ron Paul.
	So basically, what you're saying is that everything is just normal in the Republican Party.
	Nothing's changed.
	Let's hear it one more time before we wrap it up.
	We had one in Iraq.
	We had one.
	Hello.
	Is this my favorite comedic actor of our generation, Vince Vaughan?
	Hey, you know what?
	It certainly is.
	Who is this?
	This is Jimmy Dore.
	How are you?
	Oh, my God.
	I don't understand this.
	I thought I had you with do not answer in my cell phone.
	I have an annoyance filter on my phone.
	I guess it doesn't work.
	What have you been up to, Luke?
	Well, first of all, I'm not Luke, but thank you very much for getting my name wrong.
	It's in your own bit.
	I'm sorry, Vince.
	What have you been up to?
	You know what, Jimmy?
	I've been working very hard.
	I've been doing a lot of work on my career.
	As you may know, I'm one of the leads in the new season of True Detective on HBO.
	Are you a true detective fan?
	No, I didn't.
	That's a show.
	Yes, it's a show.
	What are you completely disconnected from pop culture?
	You fucking weirdo.
	I know.
	It's stupid, right?
	Anyway, yeah, so it's a very, it's a very demanding.
	It's not a comedic role.
	It's going back to my dramatic roots.
	I'm already getting a lot of buzz about it.
	Things are going well for my clear.
	You're looking, Jimmy.
	I'm not lying to you right here.
	You're looking at a Vince Vaughn as a renaissance of Vince Vaughan.
	Exactly.
	That's exactly what that is.
	Well, I did see you on the cover of Esquire.
	And I got to say, Vince, you know, you went through a period there where you weren't looking good.
	You had the bags under.
	You look good now.
	I'm just saying, you look good.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, no, I know.
	I don't look like a walking hangover anymore.
	It's true.
	I lost the weight.
	I got no more button ball going on.
	You know, I'm going back to the skinny Vince Vaughn that everybody knows and loves.
	Yeah, from swingers.
	Yeah, sure.
	That's what everyone tries to talk about.
	Yeah, yeah.
	That's the.
	Well, how did you lose all that weight, Vince?
	You know what?
	It wasn't really that big of a deal.
	It's just a matter of watching a lot of what I was eating and doing a lot of vigorous missionary.
	Because, you know, for a long time, I would just lie there and let them do their thing and let them bounce up and down and realize that, you know, it was lazy.
	And so now it's a lot more thrusting.
	Yeah, you're putting yourself more.
	I get it, Vince.
	Listen.
	You said a lot of interesting things in that GQ interview.
	I got to say, really.
	I don't really think so.
	I think I say normal things.
	I'm a normal.
	Look, I'm a normal American.
	That's what I am.
	I'm not a Hollywood goon like you.
	I say normal American person things, but to you, they sound odd and crazy, but that's because you're out of touch.
	You're a crazy liberal person.
	Oh, well, okay.
	Well, for instance, Vince, you said in that interview, you think guns should be in every school.
	Of course, guns should be in every school.
	It should be all over the schools.
	It should be guns everywhere, Jimmy Dore.
	I'm sitting here right now.
	I can't reach a gun.
	There's something wrong with that.
	I should be able to reach a gun where I'm sitting.
	There should be a gun every three feet.
	This is a dangerous world.
	We got to protect ourselves.
	There's insane people out there who want to hurt people.
	We got to protect ourselves with firearms.
	Especially the little babies in school.
	We got to protect those children.
	Okay, so putting, loading up schools with firearms.
	What could go wrong?
	Yeah, exactly.
	You don't.
	So you're saying give them children.
	I'm just saying give them to the 90-year-old teacher ladies.
	Yeah, but you're you're I know, but but what we're saying is the good, you're saying only the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.
	Exactly.
	How else are you going to stop these guys?
	There's psychopaths out there.
	You got to stop them.
	How are you going to stop them?
	If they have a gun, how are you going to how else are you going to stop them with a gun than with a gun?
	Gun versus gun.
	You talk them down.
	You say, excuse me, sir.
	Could you please put the gun down?
	I'm unhappy with the situation.
	I don't care for your narrative right now.
	Vince.
	Hey, guess what?
	If you'd like to hear the rest of that Vince Vaughan call, and there's a lot more to that Vince Vaughan call, you got to become a premium member.
	Are you a premium member?
	How do I become a premium member, Jimmy?
	It's just $5 a month.
	You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, you click on Join Premium, and if you join for the whole year, we'll give you a month free.
	Isn't that nice?
	So go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on Join Premium.
	You get to hear the rest of the Vince Vaughan call, plus all our conversation about the TSA failures, all our whole, that's going to be in there, plus a lot lot more coming up in this week's premium.
	So go do that.
	I'm here with a delightful young lady.
	Her name is Kelly Carlin.
	She's got a new show called The Carlin Home Companion, which I saw in its earlier rendition, which I thought was hilarious, fantastic.
	You went back, you reworked it.
	You brought in a director, Paul Provenza.
	Mr. Provenza, he's been with me from the day one.
	Oh, he has been.
	He helped me develop it.
	Yeah.
	Oh, well, I heard it's even better now.
	In fact, some of the reviews of Carlin Holm Companion is entertaining, emotionally revealing, funny, and uplifting.
	Kelly Carlin has definitely found her voice as Culture Spot LA.
	Kelly Carlin is a natural on stage.
	This show should not be missed.
	Says the NohoArtsDistrict.com.
	Kelly was the very apple of it.
	So it's great.
	It just goes on.
	Kelly Collins' candor makes her a genuinely honest performer to be reckoned with, says Broadway World.
	Isn't that nice?
	It's very nice.
	I'm humbled by it.
	So this is about your life growing up with my dad and my mom, of course.
	Yes, but it really is a home companion.
	It is.
	All right.
	And so now, where's it going next?
	Next stop is we did a five-week run at the Falcon here in Burbank, and that's what all those reviews were from.
	And now we're going end of July.
	It's actually August 1st, I think it is.
	We're going to be at the Lucille Ball Comedy Festival in Jamestown, New York, where Lucy was born.
	Fantastic.
	And they've been having this comedy festival for a while.
	And they're breaking ground on a national comedy center.
	They want it to kind of be like where the baseball hall of fame cities at Youngstown?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	They want Cooperstown.
	Or is Cooperstown?
	Something like that.
	I'm not a baseball person.
	But they want Jamestown to become like The comedy center, you know, people at the big museums like that.
	And they are, they're going to have some holograms of some dead comedians.
	And they approached me to do this.
	And I was like, yeah, no, too creepy.
	Like, maybe, like, I thought maybe in five or ten years when holograms are like in our house and we're like hanging out with them and we're okay with them, then it might be fun to like introduce my dad to like the newer generation that way.
	But right now.
	Now it's just something to make fun of on CNN.
	Totally.
	It's just, it creeps me out a little bit just to see it.
	So, but I heard they're going to have some dead comedian holograms in this place anyway.
	But it's a cool, it's a great festival.
	Seinfeld is headlining.
	Oh, really?
	And I'm doing my show in a matinee at this huge theater.
	You know, like I've been doing like these 100-seater, 150-seaters, which are really intimate and it's nice because my story is very intimate.
	But they're putting me in one of those like performing arts centers where Seinfeld will be that night.
	It's like 1,200 seats, you know, and I'm like, if I just fill up like half the floor, I'll be okay.
	Like, you know, so, you know, but I'm excited.
	I'm sure it'll be a popular ticket, especially at a comedy festival.
	Everybody wants to see this show.
	Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
	Yeah.
	I don't think you'll have a problem selling those tickets.
	But it's interesting because I wrote my book's coming out in the fall, same title, Carlin Home Companion.
	It's my memoir.
	And after writing my book, which was last year when I wrote it, you know, I'm kind of done, kind of done talking about my family.
	You can only freaking talk about your family for so fucking long, really.
	I mean, I love my dad and I love my mom, but, you know, I'm a woman of a certain age and I need to get on with it, you know, and it's great.
	It was, for me, it's a great story.
	It's a thrilling story.
	It's a freaking roller coaster of a ride to perform, to watch, and all of that.
	And I'm very proud of the book, and I loved writing it.
	So, you know, there will be few and far between little chances for me to do this show again.
	I'll probably be doing it for about another six or nine months, and then that'll be interesting.
	And you're going to put it out to pasture after.
	Yeah, I'm hoping to share it with you.
	You're going to make a DVD out of it.
	Yeah, there you go.
	I'm going to shoot a DVD.
	Yep.
	They still call them DVDs.
	I think they do.
	Michael says yes, he's 25.
	Yes, mostly you're downloading these days for sure.
	But, you know, for the old folks, we'll make some DVDs.
	That'll be nice.
	So you're doing some other.
	So that's coming up.
	We're going to go see that.
	I didn't even know there was a comedy festival there.
	I did not know this.
	So it's so funny when I first, so when you were starting to do this show again at the name of the Falcon.
	The Falcon Theater.
	The Steve Marshalls Theater.
	Oh, really?
	Burbank.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So I drove.
	I was on my way.
	Theater is a big deal in LA Theater.
	It's huge, yeah.
	Yeah, they have big shows there.
	So I was driving to do a comedy show in Burbank, and I passed.
	I was like, oh, great.
	Kelly's going to be at the theater and I'll go see it and I'll get her on the show to help promote it.
	So I sent you an email.
	I was like, hey, Kelly, I'd love to have you out.
	If you want to help, you know, move some tickets.
	You're like, it's already sold out, Jimmy.
	It was.
	She said, but I'd love to come on your show anyway.
	Yeah.
	I just want to hang out.
	I was like, oh, bam.
	Damn proud of that.
	Yeah, I would.
	Ba-boom.
	I was like, what does that feel like?
	That's got to be a good feeling.
	It's a really good feeling.
	Yeah, it's fantastic.
	I just got done doing a book tour myself.
	I could imagine.
	He's like, hey, Jimmy, we'd like to have you out and help promote that.
	It's all right.
	We already sold out.
	The book's already sold out.
	There's no more papers.
	It's already out of print.
	We killed all the trees.
	Now, Kelly, what is this thing you're doing, oh, the voices in my head, discovering the enemies and allies of creativity?
	I do.
	I'm a certified life coach.
	I got my master's in psychology in 2004.
	I studied Jungian depth psychology.
	Really?
	Yes, yes.
	People thought that Jung was crazy, right?
	He was yelled all about the archetypes and the collective unconscious.
	Yes, absolutely.
	Now, do you've had people say they don't believe that there's a collective unconscious?
	Now, if you there has to be, right?
	Well, you know, when you read Joseph Campbell, I mean, this is what Joseph Campbell wrote about, was comparative religion, comparative mythology.
	Everyone has a flood story in every culture, that there is some sort of, there are patterns and images and storylines and characters that come up over and over and again in folktales and mythology and stories.
	And there is this archetypal sense to who we are and kind of how we live out our lives, being that we're humans and we have certain interactions with each other.
	And so I don't think it's not some sort of metaphysical mysterious thing.
	I think it's a real pattern-making aspect of our brain that we come into the world kind of pre-patterned to find the boob, you know, to bond with mom, to bond with dad.
	So there's these patterns that we're in.
	And as cultures, you look at cultures, we just keep doing the shit, same shit over and over again.
	You know, there's a real patterning.
	So I see it as a real thing.
	And yeah, so I got my master's in psychology and I got training as a life coach because I didn't want to be a therapist.
	I didn't want to sit in a room, a dark room with a palm frond over me, you know, handing Kleenex to my place for the next 30 years.
	My therapist just fell asleep on me, you guys, the second time I said.
	He goes, oh, my therapist live tweeted my last session.
	Oh, that's so great.
	That's fantastic.
	I'm sorry, Jimmy.
	My back's kind of bad.
	I'm taking Viking.
	I'm like, you're what?
	You're like, and I'm paying you?
	Yeah, I know.
	No, really.
	You shouldn't be.
	You're an addiction counselor.
	So go ahead.
	So tell me.
	So, yeah, so I love, I'm fascinated by the creative process.
	It's one thing I'm just, I've always been really fascinated by how do we do this stuff?
	Where does it come from?
	Why are we, why, why are we, why do we have these urges to create things?
	And I love supporting people's process in doing that.
	So I'm going to Santa Fe and staying in a friend's house.
	And I just love Santa Fe.
	And I thought, well, let's throw together a little writer's workshop.
	So I'm doing a one-day writer's workshop, hoping to kind of build a community there and come in like maybe once a month and do some of that stuff.
	And it's, you know, it's funny.
	You know, before my dad died, which will be seven years this morning.
	That's amazing.
	Okay.
	That just mind boggling, right?
	Yeah.
	Before he died, I was doing a lot of this stuff.
	And then he died and this whole life opened up for me in this very strange way.
	I became the voice and his, you know, representing him in the world.
	And then, you know, then I met all these comedians and this whole other world showed up for me and I stepped into it.
	So I feel like I'm kind of circling back around after seven years and picking up the parts of me that I kind of left at the side of the road a little bit while I went off on this crazy adventure called Showbiz again, which I've done many times in my life.
	And so I'm excited about it because I have a platform.
	I have an audience.
	I have people to talk to.
	I have lots of amazing creative people in my life now.
	And get to do all the stuff that I love to do, which part of it is talking about this stuff and working with people.
	And tell people about your show on Sirius.
	So I have a show.
	It's called The Kelly Carlin Show.
	It's a monthly interview show.
	It's an in-depth, you know, one-hour with comedians and just a full range of people.
	I got to do, I got to do, I got to interview Norman Lear.
	Oh, really?
	Oh my God, it was the greatest two hours of my life.
	Really just.
	Now, if people don't know Norman Lear, Norman Lear was the, when I was a kid, he was big because he was the executive producer and creator of All in the Family, which was probably the best All in the Family mod Jefferson's.
	I mean, if Sanford and Son, he was the comedy of Mary Mary Hartman and Mary Hartman.
	Yes.
	You're kidding.
	You know, he did that.
	Yes.
	He did that as well.
	And Fernwood Tonight in America tonight.
	Yes, yes.
	This is amazing.
	Yeah, he did Mary Hartman and Mary Hartman because he wanted to really comment about television and the culture and what was happening to us.
	And so he created Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman.
	Yeah.
	When I was a kid, I didn't really understand Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman.
	I was little, I was just maybe a couple of years too young to get it, but I still found it like riveting.
	I would still watch it.
	It was a little, it was the first meta show.
	You know, it was commenting on what it was at the same time.
	And it came on right before or after Fernwood Tonight, which is why I watched it because I was definitely going to watch Fernwood Tonight.
	And Fernwood came out of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman.
	It was a spin-off.
	That's it.
	Okay.
	So maybe that's why I got to watch Mary Hartman's firmware.
	Which, by the way, you can watch Fernwood Tonight episodes on YouTube, and I highly recommend they all stand up.
	Absolutely.
	Oh, my God.
	Fred Willard was so goddamn funny on that.
	I just could be a fan for life when I saw him on that show.
	Truly, truly, truly, truly.
	Fantastic stuff.
	So, yeah.
	So I interviewed, I got to interview Norman Lear.
	And people can get that as a podcast.
	No.
	What?
	It's a SiriusXM exclusive.
	No, they do.
	They let you do on-demand, but you have to be a subscriber.
	And part of the reason I do it is to support our channel on SiriusXM, which is called Carlin's Corner.
	And it's 24-7 George Carlin.
	And we have exclusive stuff on there.
	We have documentary, radio documentary stuff about my dad's career and life.
	And then I have my show.
	And so, you know, my show's on Raw Dog, but it's also on our channel.
	So, you know, it's a serious is serious.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Sirius.
	I don't have, I don't have the subscription.
	So it came with my car when I got it, but even the online one is great.
	And it's like 10 bucks a month or something.
	And you get so much great stuff.
	I try to encourage people to go to the Jimmy Door Premium.
	It's only $5 a month.
	Right?
	Yes.
	You don't get as much stuff.
	But you get some.
	You get stuff.
	Well, Kelly, thanks so much for coming in.
	I love being here.
	Oh, you're great.
	It's always great to have you.
	We love your show.
	Everybody should go see Carlin Home Companion wherever they can see it.
	Catch the DVD.
	The book will be out coming out later this year.
	In the fall, yep, September.
	And anybody with a Sirius XM subscription, check it out.
	Yeah, come listen.
	Put me in your ear.
	Yes.
	All right.
	Thanks, Kelly.
	I'll see you June 13th if you're in the Los Angeles area.
	I'm headlining the Hollywood improv on Melrose and Crescent Heights.
	There's a link for tickets over at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
	Discounted tickets.
	Okay, so go over there, click that link, get your tickets.
	We're going to have some really funny people on that show.
	Laura Keitlinger will be there.
	Tony Kameen from the marijuana logs will be there.
	And we're going to have a lot of Wayne Fetterman, hilarious way.
	There'll be a lot more and some special celebrity drop-ins, which I'm not allowed to announce.
	So we'll see you at June 13th, 8 p.m. show.
	And thanks to everybody, no matter how you choose to support the show, whether it be through the Amazon box or whether it be downloading a book at AudibleTrial.com/slash Jimmy Door, or if it's by becoming a premium member, which is only $5 a month, the price of a cup of coffee.
	Okay, we need your help to help get the show going.
	We want to do more days and expand the show.
	So the more people who help, the more people, the faster this can happen.
	Today's show, guess what?
	Today's show was written.
	That's right.
	It was written by Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Steph Zamarano, Michael Schertzer.
	Who else?
	Mark Van Landuet.
	That's right.
	Okay.
	All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
	That's it for this week.
	Until next week, this is Jimmy Dore saying you be the best you can be and I'll keep being me.
	You're going sane.
	Same in an insane world.
	Insane world.
	Just when you thought you thought you lost your mind.
	Lost your mind.
	I'm here to tell ya.
	to tell ya that you're right on time And if they say it's right, but it feels wrong.
	Then you finally figured out That you don't belong You're going sane.
	Same in an insane world.
	Insane world.
	Just when you thought you thought you're not able to call to call.
	I'm here to tell ya.
	to tell ya, you're our only hope Cause if they say it's good, but it feels back.
	then you probably started now on your own path And if they say it's love, but it breaks your heart.
	Then you know you've got to do something and you know just where to start.
	If they say it's love, but it breaks your heart.
	Then you know you've got to do something and you know just where to start.
	You go insane in an insane world.
	And if they call you crazy, you can rest on your heart and find your reward if you take a chance.

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