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May 9, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
There was a shooting in Texas, and you're probably thinking, there's shootings all day every day in Texas.
It's something people do for fun.
But this shooting was aimed at people.
And I know you're like, Jimmy, that's what they do in Texas.
But this one was aimed at people who were drawing cartoons, not weapons.
Last weekend, a fear-mongering hate hag by the name of Pamela Geller held a contest for a cartoonist to draw Mohammed for a cash prize.
This is particularly cruel if you knew how difficult it is for cartoonists to make a living.
Who is Pam Geller?
Well, if you mesh together the DNA of Ann Coulter, Michelle Bachman, and Bernie Goldberg, Pam Geller would be the result.
She formed the American Freedom Defense Initiative.
Sounds nice until you find out it's listed as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.
She named it American Freedom Defense Initiative because we hate Muslims and fuck the towel heads was already taken.
She thinks Grover Norquist is a secret Muslim Brotherhood agent, thinks Israel should increase its occupation.
Let me repeat that.
Thinks Israel should increase its occupation and thinks Obama is secretly hostile to the Jews and his father was Malcolm X. Pam Geller puts the nuts in Zionuts.
She calls Muslims savages because she believes in meaningful dialogue.
Pam Geller's efforts did pay off and stupid religious fanatics, are there any other kind, took the bait and you know what happened next.
And yes, Muslims should be deeply offended, offended that any Muslim would be stupid enough to fall for this publicity stunt.
And just for the FCC, I want to confirm I said stunt.
Pam Geller is trying to make the argument that what she is fighting for is free speech.
And it's un-American to disagree with her.
Guess what?
Pamela Geller led the successful campaign against having an Islamic cultural center near ground zero after 9-11.
So it's not like she's a total stranger to suppression of free speech and expression.
Sure.
Keller said she hosted the event to exercise her right to piss off radical Muslims everywhere.
And I get it.
If anybody likes making people uncomfortable, it's us at the Jimmy Dore show.
But when we do it, there's a purpose, and it's entertaining.
At this event, there was no purpose other than to be offensive, and it wasn't funny at all.
But in reality, what she's doing undermines the very values that America stands for.
She's organizing events with the express intent of dividing an already divided country.
She wants to inflame the open wounds that were created by 9-11 that allowed for the government to paint Muslims as the enemy, invade foreign countries with little evidence, and crack down on our collective civil liberties.
It's not American to try to incite violence inside your own country.
It's un-American to stay silent when you see someone profiteering off the ideological gap that exists among the citizens of our nation.
And as offensive as this woman is, I defend her right to be offensive.
Make no mistake that the morons who came armed with guns are as moronic as those who tried to provoke them.
But let's not go overboard.
Pam Geller hates Islam but desperately wants to become a martyr.
Comparisons with Charlie Ebdo are wrong because Charlie Ebdo engages in top to bottom satire of their entire society.
This pitiful little cartoon contest was put on by a single-minded hate group with no other purpose than to agitate.
Their right of free speech to do that is absolute and should be defended no matter what.
But it doesn't stop our right to call out their group for what they really are.
As long as there are extremists, there will be religious on religious violence.
Stupid will find stupid.
They deserve each other.
A match made in heaven with God's blessing.
Aren't you glad you're not one of them?
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for gut-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to your TV.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined on the phone from New York City.
You know him, you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Frank Conniff is with us.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay, good to hear your voice, buddy.
Also, in the studio with me, hilarious comedian from Team Yasamura, it's Robert Yasimura, our resident Japanese man.
Ohio.
Ohio.
Across the glass from me, you know your lover.
She's from the blog The Miserable Liberal.
It's our resident Latina Steph Zemarano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
Ola, Jimmy.
Yay.
Also with us is hilarious comedian Michael Elliott Spitzer Schirtzer's with us.
Hi, Michael.
Hey, what's up, Jimmy?
Hey, let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes.
The movie Avengers, Age of Ultron.
I'm really disappointed by Avengers Age of Ultron.
Yeah.
And I'll probably even, it'll be an even bigger letdown when I eventually see it.
Thank you.
Have you heard about the new hamburgler?
No.
Frank, there's a new hamburger.
Is he black?
Yeah, they just posted a new handler burglar online.
Yes, so I say before we all rush to judge the new hamburgler, let's wait and see how good he is at stealing hamburgers.
They're just saying.
If you're a hamburgler, your chances of being shot are just incredible.
Everybody is trashing him on Twitter today.
Really?
Give the new hamburgler a chance.
Come on, everybody.
Come on, America.
The Mayweather fight, people are down on it because they paid so much money to see it and there wasn't a lot of action.
Now, because Mayweather was in the fight, you know, I watched it on the...
I watched it on the Ike Turner Classic Movie Channel.
That is a clever and multi-layered joke.
Yes, he's a domestic abuser.
Kate Middleton, there's another royal baby in England.
Is everybody excited?
Yes, birth is a miracle, even when an average person of no particular distinction or achievement like Kate Middleton does it.
Wow.
It's true.
Bang.
So much bang.
Hey, you know what?
I'm glad the Baltimore protests.
The violence is over.
I wish we could fire tear gas at our TVs during the Baltimore protest just so we could disperse Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC's coverage.
Nice.
And the Baltimore curfew has been lifted, and residents may now hear Geraldo Rivera say stupid shit to them on the street after 10 p.m.
Hey, Judith Miller still out there promoting her book.
You know, her new book, Judith Miller, Judith Miller's new book, contains so much horse shit that she's going to be promoting it on the animal planet.
Have you heard the new fear in Texas, Robert?
Have you heard that Texans fear a military takeover of Texas by the U.S. government?
Sure.
Yes, and I agree.
U.S. troops invading foreign soil is the last thing we need right now.
Get it?
That means Texas is not as good.
You know, the same Republicans who tell us to support the troops are now saying they're traitors who's going to invade and take over Texas.
Right.
We mock Texas for their fear of invasion by Obama, but if your state was filled with GOP chickenhawk pussies, you'd be worried too.
Hey, to prove himself nationally, maybe Chris Christie can block traffic lanes to keep the RB from invading and taking over Texas.
You know, Bridgegate turns out not a big deal to Chris Christie because it's in some place he doesn't give a shit about called New Jersey.
Oh, the big NFL draft.
Oh, it was crazy.
You know, Dick Cheney heard it was draft day and instinctively sought a deferment.
Ted Nugent soiled himself just in case.
You know, Rob, I don't know about you, but I've been depressed lately, so I think I'm going to commit suicide by getting arrested and giving myself a spinal injury in a policeman.
Makes sense, right?
It's so hot right now.
Makes sense.
Even though the election isn't for about 14 years, you know, the poll numbers are up.
Hillary's poll numbers are up.
Hey, guess what, Beltwick Media?
Nobody gives a shit about the shit you give a shit about.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, now Ben Carson.
Soon, Arkham Asylum will be empty and the 2016 GOP field will be full.
You know, Mike Huckabee compared marriage equality to incest, polygamy, and alcohol use.
And he's the likable, affable GOP candidate.
Mike Huckabee could take votes away from Ted Cruz, kind of like how Robin Thick cuts into Justin Bieber's record stand.
You know, I used to say may the fourth be with you, but then I overcame my lisp.
You know, Ben Carson is such a brilliant brain surgeon.
Turns out he was able to perform a lobotomy on himself.
All right, what's coming up on today's show?
We take a look at terror, terror, terror in Texas.
And all the it's all the rage.
Plus, Charlie Ebdo gets an award.
People are upset.
The cops, thin blue line, Chris Hayes, cops are mostly good.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Bill O'Reilly, Rick Perry, and a special episode of Rick Steve's Travels America.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
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For generations, the public has been taking Pfizer products, and for generations, Pfizer has been taking the public.
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Ford Motors, discouraging public transit in cities across our great country.
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Thank you.
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Okay, so as we've talked about on this show many times, the military-industrial complex needs to keep us afraid.
There always needs to be a boogeyman that's worse than the last boogeyman so we can be totally scared into doing whatever the military industrial complex wants, which is usually spending more money on bombs, okay?
Bombs and airplanes and more war.
All right.
And that's exactly what's been happening.
Okay, let's remember we've been bombing.
We've been bombing Iraq for four presidents straight.
Okay.
And you wonder why ISIS is a little, you wonder why the people in the Middle East are a little upset with us.
Okay, so let's keep that in mind.
They need to keep us afraid.
And here's a great, especially the mainstream news media goes right along with it.
Okay.
Barely ever a pushback against the fear-mongering of the politicians who are bought and paid for by the military industrial complex.
Okay.
Almost never a pushback.
So the other day, I was watching a mainstream news show.
I'm watching the Chris Matthews show.
And again, these two people who show up in Texas, they're just knuckleheads.
They're just more, just like a Christian who showed up and killed that tiller, just like a Christian who showed, they're just lone crazy maniacs.
And you can't lay at night worrying about these guys.
There's just, there's maniacs everywhere.
You get a bigger chance of getting hit walk into your car, okay?
Don't worry about this stuff.
So I'm watching Chris Matthews, and he has on Adam Smith, who's a congressman from Washington State.
Oh, no, I'm watching Lawrence O'Donnell.
And here is Lawrence O'Donnell's question.
Has the Islamic State finally reached into the United States?
Well, it would certainly seem that way, and that's always been the great threat in the great.
First of all, the Islamic State has not reached into the United States.
It would certainly seem that way.
So that's like saying when the Nazis marched in Skokie, Hitler had reached into the United States.
Right.
Yes.
No, that just some, there's a handful of knuckleheads in Marquette Park, Chicago, and that's it.
Hitler didn't do nothing.
The Nazis haven't reached over.
There's a couple of more.
There's a couple of more.
Nazism did not come to the United States with the exception of Fox News.
Right.
And listen to this congressman, how scared he is.
It certainly seemed that way, and that's always been the great threat.
The great threat.
The great threat.
Great fear.
I mean, back after 9-11, we identified al-Qaeda's senior leadership, and there was a relatively finite group of people who were plotting and planning attacks against Western interests, and we could identify that network and go after it.
What's happened since then is the movement has metastasized.
And it is much more the lone wolf attacks, individuals just following them on social media.
Yeah, so I thought he was going to, I thought he was going to say, oh, so you can't really worry about this kind of thing because there's lone wolf maniacs here and there, and there's nothing to really worry about.
That's what I thought he was going to say, but he says this.
Acting out, that is a much tougher thing to contain.
That's a larger group of people to keep your arms around.
And I think it's definitely a threat to the U.S. That's because it's not one thing.
Yes.
You can't.
And also, I love how he talks about the post-9-11 era.
He talks fondly about it.
Oh, that's when we were doing things right.
Yes.
Right after 9-11, that's when we really had our shit together.
Yes.
By the way, ISIS or ISIL and Al-Qaeda have nothing to do with each other.
Yes, you're correct.
And there's a lot of people who are.
I mean, him saying, like, it would seem so.
Every intelligence analyst I heard was like, no, not really.
Yeah, not really.
No.
Like, ISIS likes to take credit for stuff that they did and they had nothing to do with.
Yeah, so we should be afraid of ISIS, especially because if you draw a cartoon of Mohammed, two of them will show up and get themselves killed.
That's right.
So that guy was a congressman.
Now here's David Apselrod, former advisor to Barack Obama.
This is this problem, Chris.
The great threat, the great worry.
The great threat.
The great worry.
Are lone wolves and people who slip out of the country and get back in with now having been trained to perform terrorist acts.
And this is the era in which we live, and it calls for vigilance.
Okay, so it calls for vigilance.
The Aurora Colorado shooter killed a hell of a lot more people.
Yes.
Did not leave the country, was not a Muslim, did not, like, what are you?
What are you talking about?
I know.
I know.
So now here's the Republican strategist he had on.
I don't think anybody in this country realizes how serious this is.
Okay.
All right.
Nobody in this country, everybody is overreacting.
There's three guys on the show you're on right now who are overreacting to this.
And he comes, nobody knows how bad this is.
You can't do you what?
Right, right.
Except for that guy.
He knows.
So here's what Tweety says.
Here's what Chris Hardball says.
Ready?
You know, John, what I do every time there's one of these incidents, and I did it the other day, is when I hear the names of the people, I wait to see if there's some evidence that they come from another country.
They have loyalties through their families to somewhere in the Mideast.
And that would explain it to me.
And it gives me a little sense of confidence that this thing's rational.
And then when I hear, like, one of the other guys yesterday was a convert, an American, African-American guy who became a convert, I go, oh, my God, this thing could get out of hand because it becomes an ideology, a theology that could go pretty much anywhere.
Wow, so there's nothing.
There's no depth.
There's no bottom to his fear.
It's endless.
My favorite thing that Chris Matthews does is when he takes us through his thought process.
Yes, me too.
Because he doesn't realize that it's like, oh, I'm explaining to you in real time what a fucking idiot I am.
What an emotionally stunted moron I am.
And he's just trying to find a way to be...
I'm afraid in a different way than you guys are.
I liked it how he was able to combine a couple fears.
Yes, he combined his black guys for a black.
I understand it was an African-American who converted.
So he's got a little bit more to it.
And also, he says, you know, now it's become an ideology, and I'm afraid of it.
Oh, what?
It wasn't an ideology.
I know.
What are you talking about?
I'm just relieved he didn't say it was a thug converted.
Here, he's got a little bit more to say.
Well, here's where I go.
No, that's it.
That was it.
He was done.
That was all he had to say.
Let's hear it again.
Okay, you want to hear it again, please?
You know what?
I can't even hear what he's saying because I'm already dying from the Ebola he was warning everybody.
Yes, yes.
That said, Obama wasn't doing enough to stop.
And he was waving about every night for two weeks.
Because Chris Matthews could not be scared enough, always loves to be scared, always is good.
They're cheerleader war.
He's been cheerleading our war against ISIS.
And then every once in a while, he'll do a segment where he's not sure about it.
So then when the war goes belly up like the Iraq war did, he can point to that one clip where he said, look, I wasn't really all for it, except you were for it 99% of the time, and you did one.
Just like he wrote that column in the San Francisco Chronicle when he said he wasn't for the Iraq war.
So he could point to it, even though 24 hours a day he was on MSNBC screaming how great he loved the war and what a what, oh, what are you going to complain about?
No, George Bush won this thing.
Yeah, I mean, he ejaculated on camera about the mission accomplished.
So there we had a congressman.
We got all these, and these are liberal.
These are the guys on the progressive channel.
There's Lawrence O'Donnell.
Does this ISIS?
I mean, Lawrence O'Donnell's a smart guy, you know, and he's, and he's even saying that.
Did ISIS reach?
Come on.
Can no one frame, no one can push back against the government framing of who ISIS is.
No one will do that.
I just hear Chris Matthews do it again.
Yeah, let's hear it again.
You know, John, what I do every time there's one of these incidents, and I did it the other day, is when I hear the names of the people, I wait to see if there's some evidence that they come from another country.
They have loyalties through their families to somewhere in the Mideast.
And that would explain it to me.
And it gives me a little sense of confidence that this thing's rational.
And then when I hear, like, one of the other guys yesterday was a convert, an American, African-American guy who became a convert, I go, oh, my God, this thing could get out of hand because it becomes an ideology, a theology that could go pretty much anywhere.
Okay.
Yes.
Hearing that a second time, it makes even less sense.
Yeah.
It's rational if it's a foreigner.
Yeah.
Shooting, shooting.
If it's rational.
Good.
You know, when I hear that it's a foreign person, it gives me comfort.
Like, what the fuck does that mean?
I don't know.
Like Hitler, when we were fighting the Nazis, I felt good because I knew they were rational.
They were rational because they weren't American.
Bye.
Bye.
*Bell rings*
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Hey, Jimbo.
How's it going out there in Libland?
Is this Bill O'Reilly?
Ah, GB Door, isn't that cute?
Playing coin with me.
You know damn well this is none other than the number one phenom on Fox News.
The best collegiate field goal kicker to ever grace the turf.
Come on, Jimmy Dore's big papa bear, you loiter sack liberal.
Wow, that seems like quite a lot to fit on a business card, Bill.
How's it going, Bill?
How's it going?
You know how it's going, Jim Beam.
It's going terribly.
Your radical lefty friend Bernie Sanders has decided to muddy the waters of the presidential race in 2016.
That water has been pretty muddy already.
I mean, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson.
If it was any Mercury, you'd be swimming in the Gulf of Mexico, buddy.
How dare you talk about the dream team like that, you must.
I haven't seen such an impressive lineup since I was covering the war zone at Woodstock.
Bill, I don't think any large gathering of people constitutes a war zone.
I know you've had this problem before.
Shut up.
Okay.
Okay, Bill.
Don't don't, Bill.
Bill.
Don't tell me about problems, Jimmy Dore.
America's going to have problems now that Bernie Sanders, a self-proclaimed socialist, is running for president.
Well, he's actually a Democratic socialist, and so what?
That's not a bad thing.
Do you even know what Democratic socialism is?
Of course I do, Jimmy Dore.
What is this?
A high school civics exam?
I went to Harvard, you know.
Okay, so what is it?
You won't ask that, Jimmy Dore.
What is it?
It's sort of like, did I mention I went to Harvard?
Yeah, you did, Bill.
It was equally unimpressive the second time around.
Democratic socialism means a cooperative economy and political system that works for people, not just the rich.
That sounds awful.
What a lot of Nordic countries with better standards of living have.
You know who else supports socialism, Jimmy?
Now, who, Bill?
ISIS and Al-Qaeda.
Bill, what are you talking about?
Yep, you heard it here.
Breaking news, ISIS and Al-Qaeda are huge fucking socialists.
Okay.
Bill, that doesn't make any sense, okay?
I feel like you're just injecting the names of two things you know people are afraid of when someone points out a fact that you don't like.
Listen here, DeWar.
We all know you're simply trying to cover the tracks of your pal Bernie Sanders.
No, Bill, I'm calling you on your bullshit like nobody else will, but I would be lying if I didn't honestly say we are pretty happy Bernie Sanders is running.
Even if he doesn't win, he'll do a good job of steering Hillary to the left.
You lily-livered libs love steering things to the left, don't you?
Not as much as you love forcing things to the right, Bill, especially when you're wrong.
Plus, his campaign has already received tremendous support.
In a matter of 24 hours, they registered over 100,000 volunteers, supporters, and raised over $1.5 million, Bill.
See, Jimmy Dore, even your lefty socialist friend Bernie Sanders is bought and paid for.
Yeah, the donations came from the people, Bill, and not like corporations are people by friend people, but actual living and breathing people.
Some who'd never donated to political campaign before.
The average donation was around $45.
Ha!
I just dropped that much money on the ground in Manhattan and didn't bother to pick it up because my time is worth more.
Ha!
The blacks and Mexicans will find it.
Bill.
Don't let it be said that Big Papa Bear never supported charity.
I work hard for my money.
Not like you, Scobberlotchers, and gutter snipes.
Not to mention, you bad motor fingers.
Jesus Christ, Bill.
You're a terrible human being.
And where do you get all these antiquated insults?
Scubber blotcher, loiter sack, much muck spout?
Are your speeches being written by Victorian Rose Comic?
Hey, won't you shut the hell up, Jimmy Dore?
You always do this, Bill.
I'm not going to.
Shut up.
I'm not going to.
Shut up, Jimmy Dore.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut up.
I'm not gonna shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
I'm going to end this call, buddy.
All right, Jimmy.
Always a pleasure.
Okay.
Go fuck yourself.
All right, Bill O'Reilly.
All right.
You're going sane.
Same in an insane world.
Insane world.
Just when you thought you thought you lost your mind.
Lost your mind.
I'm here to tell ya.
To tell ya that you're right on time.
You know, I do a lot of live shows around Los Angeles, and here's a few I'll be doing soon.
June 13th, I'm headlining the Hollywood Improv.
That's a Saturday, June 13th, 8 p.m.
Show.
Okay, it's also coming up this Wednesday, May 13th.
I'm headlining the University of California Riverside for their comedy apocalypse show.
And the next day, May 14th, that's this Thursday, I'll be headlining the Burbank Comedy 99% funny show.
It's at the Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank.
That's this Thursday, May 14th, a 7.30 p.m. show.
All the benefits go to help the homeless people here in Los Angeles.
All links for all these shows are over at JimmyDoreComedy.com.
We'll be right back in one minute.
This is the Jimmy Dore Show on Pacifica.
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Not able to call.
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All right, let's get back to the second half.
All right.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Dore show.
We got a lot coming up in the second half.
Phone calls from Rick Perry.
Rick Steves America.
Have you seen that show?
He does a travel show on PBS.
If you haven't seen it, I'm sure you've seen him.
He's very popular.
Well, guess what?
Mike McRae is going to be doing Rick Steves coming up.
He travels to Baltimore, travels to Baltimore.
Okay, so I'm joined, as always, from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and on the phone.
It's TV's Frank Frank Conniff.
You know him, you love him.
Also joining me in the studio from the blog The Miserable Liberal.
It's our resident Latina, Steph Samurano.
Also, hilarious comedian Robert Yasamura and Michael Elliott Spitzer Scherzer is joining us.
And let's get back to the studio right now.
So at the same time, Pam Geller and her hate group was having the Mohammed drawing contest down in Texas.
In New York, they had the Penn Gala.
Do you know what that is, the Penn Gala?
Yeah, it's a writer's organization.
Yeah, it's the American Center's Literacy Gala.
So they were given out awards.
One of the big winners at the Penn Gala this year was Papermate.
Am I right?
Ah, Papermate, yes.
Accepting Penn's award for freedom of expression, freedom of expression, courage, Charlie Ebdo.
Sure.
Of course.
200 people were upset about this.
It was a bit of a big to-do about it.
People who didn't get that Charlie Ebdo wasn't racist.
There's still people who don't understand that you can't interpret satire in another language from another culture.
Right.
Especially when you're an idiot.
Especially when, yes, especially when you don't have a sense of humor.
Right.
Okay.
Well, yes, I was about to say these are very, like, very literary people who felt their lack of sense of humor being threaten.
And let me just, so, and people were upset about it, notably Salman Rushdie, who I agree with, I think, on everything.
Everything I've heard him say, I agree with.
How about that?
Sure.
But he was.
Salman Rushdie was upset that people were upset that Charlie Ebdo was getting an award because he understood.
Yeah.
Right.
And I'm reading the article in the New York Times, and I'm just talking about this because for this one sentence, I'm reading the New York Times report of this, and I guess Solman Rushdie was tweeting about it.
Right.
And he was really upset, and he was really letting it go.
The New York Times writes, Solman Rushdie, who had slung some unpublishable insults at the protesters on Twitter.
Now, that's just ironic for a million different reasons.
The New York Times couldn't publish what Salman Rushdie was writing.
It's unpublishable.
Really?
We're uncomfortable.
Because it would be offensive.
They couldn't publish Solomon Rushdie's tweets because the New York Times thought they would be offensive to people.
By the way, they print swear words all the time in newspapers.
God damn it.
So they just said, they censored Solomon Rusty's response.
I didn't know there were things that the New York Times didn't print after Judith Miller's coverage.
This is a paper that regularly prints David Brooks, Thomas Friedman, and Maureen Dow.
Yes.
They have no business not having any standards.
Yes.
I think, so they didn't print Solomon.
They censored Solomon Rushdie, and then they went on, and then they reburned Joan at the Stake.
I missed that because it was in the style section.
Okay.
He was wearing like a new Paris dress.
So there was a big controversy over this.
And there was a newspaper called Le Monde.
Le Monde.
Le Monde.
They did a little research on Charlie Ebdo, and they found out that only seven of 500 Charlie Ebdo covers published from 2005 to 2015 primarily mocked Islam.
Seven out of 500 covers were not obsessed with Islam.
We're dealing with politics, with other religions.
And 400 of them were just drawings of Garfield.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah.
you He hates lasagna more than the Ayatollah does.
Particularly touching was the retrospective of Kathy.
So I found that, I just found that ironic that, again, the New York Times just, and at the same time, people still not understanding that Charlie Ebdo is anti-racist.
Okay.
They couldn't be more progressive.
And a lot of people say that, well, you shouldn't be making fun of Islam in America because they're a minority.
Right.
And there is that.
So as a progressive, I'm always instinctively, acutely aware of who has the power in each situation.
So Pam Geller is on the side of the powerful, and she's trying to demonize and shut up the powerless, which are Muslims in America.
And let's remember that there's a lot of Christian terrorists, right?
The vast majority of acts of terrorism in this country have been committed by people who we claim that they did in the name of Jesus Christ.
That's right.
Let's give credit where credit is due.
I mean, with the exception of 9-11, the majority, I'm not kidding, like the majority.
You don't have to tell me, Robert.
Are domestic terrorists who consider themselves Christian Holy Warriors?
I mean, you can go back, just thinking about the KKK.
Sure.
They still call themselves a Christian organization.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Till this day.
Now, we documented on this show last week about all how all the whites rioted, the good white Christians down in Tulsa and burned down black homes.
So I want to address, I want to address this because I know these Muslims who showed up down in Texas and started shooting.
By the way, what horrible terrorists were there?
They didn't kill anybody, and they got killed by one cop with a handgun.
They both had AK-47.
And by the way, thank you, Pamela Geller, for putting cops in danger like that.
Ah, she knew she had cops on this, like on the scene.
Right.
Yeah.
There was a guy doing a broadcast from the event.
Like at the time of the event, yeah.
Yeah, so he's live.
He's broadcasting live at the event.
I'm sure he's live streaming.
I don't think he's a real broken.
So he's live streaming and he starts to interview people.
And so let's just listen to some of the – But what which I'm all for in theory, right?
I'm all for people.
No, no, no, no.
No, you're not.
You're for the free speech that makes it possible.
You're for the, if it is a pointed piece of satire that goes, but this was, this group was gratuitous.
It was purely a matter of baiting, baiting somebody.
I mean, this would be the equivalent of just showing a gaping vagina on television just for the sake of doing it.
Just for the sake of shocking your grandma.
What channel is that on?
Is it shaven?
So let me read.
So speaking of the New York Times.
I like the way you think.
Here's the New York Times editorial about what happened in Texas and Pam Geller.
Sure.
And I'm going to read this to you, and there's a point.
There is no question that images ridiculing religion, however offensive they may be to believers, qualify as protected free speech in the United States and most Western democracies.
There is also no question that however offensive the image, they do not justify murder and that it is incumbent upon leaders of all religions and faiths to make this clear to their followers.
But it is equally clear that the Muhammad art exhibit and contest in Garland, Texas was not really about free speech.
It was an exercise in bigotry and hatred posing as a blow for freedom.
Now, okay, I'm with them all this way.
I'm with them.
So then I'm going to skip down about three paragraphs because they say a bunch of stuff that we all agree with, just like I just read.
So we all agree with all that stuff.
As offensive as it is, you still have to defend freedom of speech and murder.
You can't, even if you're offended, you have a right to be offensive in America.
It's the unpopular speech that needs protection.
All that stuff.
Right?
So then they say...
Yes.
So as much right, it's as disgusted as people could be at Larry Flint.
You still have to stand up because that's the speech.
The same, you know, the way the ACLU, I'm sure, felt very awkward defending the Nazis when they marched through Skokie.
It's like, hey, it's that old saying.
I disagree.
I might disagree with what you have to say, but I'll fight to the death for your right to say it.
I did go down there and I did protest against Pam Geller and what she was doing, but I sat nearby drawing a gun.
Bang.
So here's the part.
So here's where it gets dicey with the New York Times editorial.
It says, some of those who draw cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad may earnestly believe that they are striking a blow for freedom of expression, though it is hard to see how that goal is advanced by inflicting deliberate anguish on millions of devout Muslims who have nothing to do with terrorism.
Okay, I'm going to take exception to that line right there.
No one is inflicting anguish on anybody by going into the middle of inside of a building in Texas and drawing stuff.
You're not inflicting any kind of anger.
The fact that New York Times put that sentence in there is what's wrong with their thinking.
Well, it's an op-ed, it's an op-ed.
Youth not.
Oh, it's an op-ed?
Yeah, it's not.
So it's not there.
Okay, so I'll give the New York Times a pass.
But they wouldn't put Salmon Rushdie in there.
The op-ed is, you know, that's a part of the New York Times.
Yeah.
Yeah, but you know.
Philosophy, that's their opinion.
The only people who were the recipient of anguish as a result of that, what is it, contest, is the people who went.
Yeah.
So that's just ridiculous that, you know, I've had other people say this.
Well, why would you want to offend Muslims?
Hey, if you are religious, that's fine.
Keep it inside.
As soon as it comes out of your mouth, it's now open to ridicule, satire, and comedy.
Okay?
So if you haven't a belief, you can't impose your beliefs on other people's actions.
Your belief cannot have anything to do with what I do.
So I can draw anything I want as long as I want.
And if you're offended by it, that's your problem.
I'm not saying that.
That's not hyperbole.
That's bad thinking.
To allow yourself.
And by the way, it's invented.
It's made up.
It comes from nowhere that you say, oh, if someone that I don't know or ever met goes to a building in Texas and draws a cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad, that will cause me anguish.
You should go to therapy because there's something wrong with you.
That's the same as saying like two men having sex that I've never met and never will meet.
Yeah, that is.
That's exactly the same thing.
That's like God.
That God is going to punish all of us for that.
That's deep.
I was caused deep anguish by a production of nonsense that I saw.
Let me tell you something, Frank.
You have the right to put it on.
Frank, you are not far off, buddy, because if you go to YouTube, there's plenty of video clips of the guys from Monty Python, John Cleese, having to go on English television and defend the life of Brian in front of clergy.
I've seen those.
In front of clergy in England.
So don't tell me.
So the only thing that they did, and the clergy could not have been more insulting.
They could not have been more condescending.
They couldn't have been less, I don't know, mature.
Right.
And that's what this is.
So when you get offended by someone else, when you go, oh, it offends me.
Why would you want to offend Muslims?
Because they're immature.
And when somebody's being immature and ridiculous, it's the duty of comedy to satirize them.
That's the duty of comedy to make fun of bad ideas.
And you being offended by something I do inside my own house that has nothing to do with you is a bad idea.
It's bad thinking.
And I am not offending you.
And by the way, I can say I'm offended that you get offended.
Why would you want to offend me like that by being offended?
Because we all get to make up that you're offended.
And when you say you're offended, you're automatically a victim.
And now everybody's got to do a tap dance around you.
Guess what?
You're not a victim.
You're not a victim.
Anybody gets to say and do whatever they want, and you're not a victim.
Alright guys, I'm going to get out of here before the studio gets shot up.
It's just...
I make fun of Judaism.
I make fun of Islam, but I defend Muslims in America because people want to make them out to be worse than Christians or worse than Jews or worse than they're not.
So I defend Muslims and I defend, but I don't defend Islam just like I don't defend Christianity because I think it's all superstition.
And I think that actually more evil comes from religion than good.
You could disagree with me on that.
That's the beauty.
I won't be offended.
But you should be able to write a piece of satire expressing that opinion.
Yes.
Of whatever religion that you want to go after.
I mean, ultimately.
I'm not an atheist myself, but I love blaspheming the Lord and I do it all the time.
So people should have the right to blaspheme the other religions too if they want to.
I don't do a lot of blaspheming the Prophet Muhammad or other religions because Christianity and Catholicism is the one I grew up with.
It's the one I know the best.
So it's the one I feel the most comfortable making fun of because I paid my dues in that religion.
Yes.
I went to Catholic school for several years.
I have psychic scars from the trauma of being brought up in that religion.
So I feel that when I make fun of Christianity and Catholicism, I really, I really earned my right to do that.
I don't necessarily feel that way with other religions as much.
I agree.
It's like how I feel about when foreigners come to America and make fun of my country.
It's like, I know we're all a country of immigrants, but at the same time, it just bugs me to hear someone ridiculing America with an accent.
Shots fired.
You're going to love the New Daily Show.
Shots fired at Trevor Noah.
I'm just telling you, that's how I feel.
I wouldn't go to someone else's country and make a living making fun of their country.
You should go to South Africa, put on a program.
I go to another country.
I make fun of my country in another country.
Okay.
Well, I think that the real issue that you're highlighting is the idea that fanatics.
You're going to have fanatics dictate behavior.
And that just can't happen.
That's wrong.
And you have to protect everybody's freedom ultimately.
Yeah, we can't have fanatics dictating behavior.
That's why we have to elect another Bush.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, and we also can speak up on behalf of everyone's right to have absolute freedom of speech, but at the same time, we can acknowledge that Pam Geller is not interested in that at all and that she's full of shit.
Yes.
Yes.
So I'd want to now transfer.
So let's transition now because I wanted to make the point.
I made the point that being offended because someone else doesn't follow your religion, which is what that is.
When someone else draws a picture of the Prophet Muhammad, you are offended that someone else doesn't believe what you believe.
Right.
That's all that is.
And you know what?
They're going to go to hell.
And if you believe in a prophet or a God or that can't conf, he needs you to go defend him.
It's a pretty piss poor God.
It's not like they walked into your mosque and started doodling Muhammad.
Right.
The same way that it's not like gay men are asking to be married in an Episcopal church.
You know what I mean?
It's not like...
So I'm going to go now to the terrorism because people, there's this group of people, they follow Sam Harris, and they love the dead.
They're afraid of religious violence, but they completely give, they completely apologize for state violence.
And they completely apologize for Christian violence.
They just pretend it didn't happen.
They pretend that we didn't drop two nuclear bombs on Japan.
They pretend we didn't invade Iraq illegally and that George Bush said it was a crusade and that he consulted God when he did it.
And he's a born-again, they pretend that he didn't do.
We invaded another country for God's sake.
There isn't a Muslim country that ever invaded us.
So I try to make this point to people.
So your point that they want you to be specially afraid of Islam and Muslims.
I'm not.
I'm not especially afraid of them.
You know what?
It's like some, I forget who had that joke.
They go, if you hate America so much, why don't you move to another country?
He goes, then I'd be a victim of our foreign policy.
True.
So that's what, and they ignore Christian terrorists.
There's plenty of Christian terrorism in Africa, by the way.
Plenty of it happening.
And that's a great point about George Bush, because he did literally say that God is him.
He said he can, they asked him, did you consult your father about going into Iraq?
He said, I consulted my heavenly father.
Yes, and so he said this.
He literally admitted that he talked to God about invading a country.
And this was fairly reported in the media.
Bob Woodward, who's kind of a big guy in journalism, reported this.
He didn't make a big deal out of it.
Nobody made a big deal out of it.
The fact that our president was out of his fucking mind was a religious fanatic killing other people in another country based on his conversations with God.
And the point is that people love to turn a blind eye because that's part of their tribe.
Just like Sam Harris literally apologizes for Israel bombing Gaza.
Those are war crimes.
We all know.
I specify who's Sam Harris.
Sam Harris is the guy who wrote Letter to a Christian Nation.
He's the big atheist, him, Christopher Hitchens and Dawkins.
He's always on Bill Maher.
He's the one that Ben Affleck said was being racist.
Remember?
He was also a champion on star search.
He was also a big champion on star.
He could sing one.
And they turned a complete blind eye to state violence.
And they don't care that we've been bombing Iraq since, I don't know, 19 since Bill Clinton started.
And we didn't stop.
We've been bombing four presidencies.
Four presidencies.
But guess what?
Islam.
Those are the people we're supposed to be afraid of because two jackoffs went down to Texas and got themselves killed.
By the way, they didn't kill anybody.
They got themselves killed.
Yeah.
Not the best terrorists.
So that's just driving me crazy, the ability of Americans.
And by the way, Sam Harris, super right about atheism.
Super wrong about just about everything else.
And it just goes to show you that Sam Harris isn't smarter than us.
He just reads a lot more.
He's just one of those guys who he reads eight hours a day.
He's an academic.
He reads eight hours a day, so he's read more, but he's not smarter than us.
All that information doesn't help him be smarter.
He draws all the wrong conclusions.
Right.
you So I don't know how familiar you are with the travel show on PBS that is hosted by one man named Rick Steves.
But Mike McRae, our genius impressionist, is familiar with that show.
And he put together a trip to Baltimore from Rick Steves.
Here it is.
I'm Rick Steves.
For years, I've been writing books and making television programs telling people how to backpack all across Europe without breaking the bank.
But there is a great big country right here in America, too, with all its quaint nooks and crannies, with that rustic, crumbling infrastructure, and a train system that can only be described as perpetually morphology.
Getting around the U.S. can be as much of an adventure as reaching your destination.
You're welcome.
I decided to start my American journey appropriately in the home of our national anthem, Baltimore, Maryland.
Baltimore was founded in 1729 and swiftly became one of the most important port cities of the mid-Atlantic.
I'm sitting here at the inner harbor overlooking majestic Federal Hill.
Today, not only is this where tourists come to see one of the largest aquariums in the world.
Ooh, look at that fish.
But it's thriving nightlife is where the well-to-do come to wine and dine.
But years ago, it was a functioning port where millions of immigrants came to begin their new lives.
It was also a hub of the international slave trade, where hundreds upon thousands of hapless, shackled souls began an agonizing journey to the deep south, which either took their lives or condemned them and their progeny to generations of misery.
And in 2015, I am enjoying the ultimate Maryland delicacy.
Crab cakes.
No bread crumb filler here.
Just lumpy crustacean goodness.
Whether it's a crab cake or a pile of steamed crabs, don't forget the old bay seasoning.
To do otherwise is to commit heresy around these parts.
Right now, I'm walking down historic Calvert Street in West Baltimore.
Well, before the Civil War, Baltimore became a haven for free blacks who had managed to escape slavery.
Most notably, Frederick Douglass.
Here's his stone house right here.
But with the mass immigration of Irish and German immigrants, these free black communities became slowly impoverished as the preferred whites were able to secure labor and eventually flourish.
And you'll be glad they did when you sample the many local craft beers and, my favorite, old-fashioned bakeries.
Many as good as the Beccarian in Old Country.
Here is world-famous Otterbein's Cookie Company.
Still family run, still delicious.
Chocolate chip is the best seller, of course.
But for my money, their simple sugar cookie takes the cake, so to speak.
Thanks for the cookies, Mr. Audubine.
Go fuck yourself.
And you still speak a dialect of German.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Spills ticket dialects of German.
Finally, here is East Baltimore, as made famous in HBO's The Wire and Homicide, Life on the Street.
A lively, vibrant culture provides for many exciting night activities.
Apparently, I've stumbled upon some sort of impromptu street festival.
Hirokus Affair.
Young black men reenacting what appears to be a less happy time in their history.
Perhaps the Nat Turner Rebellion.
White reenactors portraying dystopian, futuristic versions of armed, violent plantation overseers.
What an artful, culturally meaningful way to commemorate the trials and tribulations of days long gone.
This young man with the megaphone seems to be the leader.
Excuse me.
Do you ever put old day on Otterbein and sugar cookies?
I heard that's done sometimes.
The fuck are you talking about?
People are getting killed in the streets.
They're murdering us.
They're trying to send people to Edgar Ralph's hoe's house.
They need to send us some jobs.
Fuck out of Baltimore, you toteback carrying motherfucker.
This fellow is not happy that I need it.
Well, that's all the time I have for Baltimore.
But I'll have to come back because there's so much more to see and do.
The beautiful, multicolored shipping containers filled with useless plastic crap and dead sex trafficking victims.
Historical bridges with piles bearing intricate, spiral-cracking patterns, signaling imminent catastrophic structural failure.
And of course, more crab cakes.
Until next time, this is Rick Steve's America.
Wow.
Okay, that was Rick Steen.
Thank you.
We'll see you next time.
Really?
*Bell rings* *Bell rings* *Bell rings*
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Jimmy.
It's a Rickster.
Hey, Governor Perry, I've been meaning to call you.
Why haven't you, girlfriend?
I'm sorry, I've just been busy.
Well, let me tell you what I always tell my best friend from Sleepaway Camp.
Take the time to get your tank filled by Big Rick, okay?
Okay, I'll try.
Okay, okay, buddy.
So why were you meaning to call me?
Are you getting divorced?
He said, hopefully.
He said, hopefully.
No, Rick, sorry, but no, I'm not getting divorced.
I wanted to ask you about this word military exercise controversy that's happening in Texas.
Oh, my God.
Can you believe that?
Uh...
you you Now, you and I both know there's a lot more to that Rick Perry call, but you got to get the premium content for that.
Guess what else is coming up in the premium content?
I want to share it with you.
Just to let you know the kind of fun we're having.
By the way, it's going to be like a big double triple episode this week.
We're going to talk a lot more about all the Christian terrorism that's happened in America.
Plus, we go back to inside the cartoon drawing place where they were drawing the Mohammed cartoons.
There was a guy in there.
Remember, we talked about it earlier in the show.
There was a guy in there doing some kind of a web show, and he was interviewing people at that Mohammed drawing contest.
And here's a little bit of it, okay?
Well, you know, they call us Islamophobes.
And my answer to that is, I'm not an Islamophobe, but I am afraid of Islam, and you should be too.
He also went on to say he's not gay, but he sucks cock and you should too.
We had a copy of the book.
You might be an Islamophobe.
Yeah, let's, can you want to hear that again?
That's my favorite thing I've heard.
Well, you know, they call us Islamophobes.
And my answer to that is I'm not an Islamophobe, but I am afraid of Islam and you should be too, especially if you're a Muslim.
Okay, so there's a lot more to that, obviously.
And we break down all the Christian terrorism that's been happening in the country.
And we go more into...
It is just this dumb wing of atheism.
Like you always think atheism is associated with people thinking a lot, but this isn't.
They like get a half-owned idea right.
Anyway, so that's the premium.
How do I get the premium, Jimmy?
Well, you go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, you click join premium, and it's $5 a month, which is goddamn reasonable.
But if you pay for the whole year up front, we'll give you a month free, $55.
How about that?
If you pay $55, we'll give you a month free.
How about that?
Okay, so there you go.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and become a premium member.
And this week's show is going to be extra good, extra long, extra fun.
All right, that's it for this week.
I'll see you.
Don't forget, I'll see you June 13th at the improv.
There's links for tickets over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
All right, that's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Door saying you be the best.
Oh, no, wait, I got to tell you who wrote the show.
That's right.
Today's show was written by Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuitt, Michael Schertzer, Robert Yasamura, Steph Samurano, and Chris Cubis, who helped write and did the voice of Megaphone Man in the Rick Steves America sketch with Mike McRae, Chris Cubis.
Ala Voices performed by the one and the only, the inimitable, inimitable Mike McRae at mikemcray.com.
Oh, that song, by the way, that's by a guy named Brian Evershed sent that to me.
He thought it fit in with our show.
And it's by his band is called, let me get the exact name of the band, Two Cheers.
Look at that.
The name of the band is called Two Cheers, T-W-O Cheers.
And you can go to 2-Cheers.com to hear more of their music.
All right.
So that's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Door saying you be the best you can be.
And I'll keep being me.
You're going sane.
Same in an insane world.
Insane world.
Just when you thought you thought you lost your mind.
Lost your mind.
I'm here to tell ya, to tell ya that you're right on time And if they say it's right, but it feels wrong.
Then you finally figured out That you don't belong You're going sane.
Same in an insane world.
Insane world.
Just when you thought you thought you're not able to call to call.
I'm here to tell ya, to tell ya, you're our only hope.
Cause if they say it's good, but it feels bad.
Then you probably started out On your own path Then you probably started out And if they say it's love, but it breaks your heart.
Then you know you've got to do something and you know just where to start.
If they say it's love, but it breaks your heart.
Then you know you've got to do something and you know just where to start.
You're going sane in an insane world.
And if they call you crazy when you're making channel, you can rest on your heart and find your reward if you take a chance.
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