Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
So this week, the House of Representatives cut Social Security.
For those of you over the age 45, Social Security is the government program that assures a level of security in your old age after you retire.
If you're under the age 45, Social Security is the government program that doesn't concern you since you'll never be able to retire.
In theory, after you've worked 40 years of your life for companies that stripped away pensions, benefits, and vacation time, there would be a government program you paid into that would assure the bare minimum for living.
But the new GOP House and Senate didn't like this program because the program runs the risk of actually helping people.
And that's wrong.
The Republican House is cutting Social Security by 20% and will affect the lives of over 9 million Americans.
Sounds like a big deal?
That's because it is a big deal.
They're slashing the disabilities program of Social Security by preventing the routine transfer of funds within the Social Security allocation budget.
Republicans say they're reforming Social Security because as we all know, there has been constant demand from the American public to get rid of the most popular government program in the history of forever.
Republicans claim they are concerned about fraud and mismanagement in the program.
So it makes sense that the only way to get rid of fraud and mismanagement is to get rid of the entire program itself.
Republican Representative of Texas, Sam Johnson, who authored this change, said, quote, he wants to protect Social Security retirement benefits, end quote.
And obviously, the only way you can protect retirement benefits is by making sure there are no retirement benefits.
We have all heard about this because even though the House pushed it through quietly, the media has made it their number one story every night this week and have been talking nonstop so everyone understands what Congress is doing.
Oh wait, they haven't said dick about it at all.
Usually the Jimmy Doer show has clips from the corporate news for this story or any story.
But for this story, there's nothing because the mainstream news ain't covering this.
Instead, they're going to fill their airtime with Ebola, missing plane, scary Muslims, and questioning if satire is too cynical.
Corporate news isn't getting this wrong.
They're not getting it at all.
All right.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you guys.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I am joined in the studio.
Across from me, hilarious comedian writer, it's Mark Van Landuan.
Hey, Mark, how are you?
Hi, everybody.
All right.
So next to him, the author of Morning Remembrance, real obituary, no, fake obituaries of real dead people, written by Jim Earl.
It's Ham's Radio Jim Earl.
Hi, Jim.
Hey, hey, how are you, Jimmy?
I'm doing good.
Now, Jim, the ham radio.
Ham radio is Jim Earl.
I saw, I was driving down Olive Avenue the other day in Burbank, and there's a ham radio store.
And I was like, do people still use the ham radios?
Because there's the internet now.
Yes, everybody who was born between 1940 and 45 to get on the ham radios and speak at you.
Hi, everybody.
Across the glass from me, a hilarious comedian from Team Yasamura.
It's our resident Japanese man, Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you?
Hi, Gazamos.
Oh, Ohio to you.
Right?
And then.
Sure.
And then when we're on our way to Santa Barbara, I say, oh, hi to you.
Oh, that's a California joke.
Next to him from TYT The Young Turks, it's Edwin Umanya.
Hi, Edwin.
How are you?
Hola.
Very good.
How are you?
Good.
Good to see you.
Good to hear your voice.
Also, sitting in is our new assistant and producer.
It's Michael Elliott Spitzer Schertzer, ladies and gentlemen.
Yes.
Thank you so much, Jimmy.
On the phone from New York City and Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's TV's Frank Frank Conniff.
Hey, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay.
All right.
Great to hear your voice, buddy.
All right.
Let's get to the jokes that Frank wrote before we get to the jokes.
So I didn't see the golden globes.
I didn't see them.
I missed the golden globe.
So I'm just going to pack everything that I would have saw into one tweet.
Oh, boy, what an ugly dress.
She had work done.
Ah, that speech sucked.
So there you go.
We covered it all.
We covered it.
And by the way, then the Oscar nominations came out.
Did you see that, Frank, that Oscar nominations are out?
Yeah, I saw.
Once again, Frank, you were snubbed by the Oscars just because you weren't in a movie.
No.
So unfair.
So unfair, isn't it?
And racist time I have.
I thought racist, right?
Because you're white and they excluded you.
Hey, you know how Matthew McConaughey reacted to the Oscars?
No, how?
All white, all white, all white.
Nice.
Nice, nice going.
I got to read your Twitter feed.
Yes, if you weren't unstoned all the time.
So.
Smoke a joke.
Okay.
So by the way, President Obama unveiled his new big idea for the next year is the free community college.
Boy, what a big idea.
Oh, it's going to move the world.
Free community college.
That's his big idea.
But I say it's just a ploy by Obama to undermine the GOP's agenda with an informed, educated populace.
Yeah.
Did you hear George Zimmerman got arrested again for, oh, spousal domestic violence, right?
He threw a wine bottle at a woman.
They arrest him.
But don't worry that he's arrested because he made bail and is back on the street protecting us from iced tea drinkers as we speak.
You know, George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, George Zimmerman.
Republicans can really pick winners, can't they?
Yes, they can.
That's right.
George Zimmerman's been so busy assaulting women that he hasn't had time to investigate suspicious activity in his neighborhood.
You know, George Zimmerman hitting women on top of killing a black kid is part of the pressure of maintaining his status as right-wing hero.
Zimmerman hitting women on top of killing a black kid.
It's just part of all the pressure he feels maintaining his status as right-wing hero.
And I don't know if you heard about it, we're going to cover this in the show today.
Nancy Grace, friend of the show, a friend of the show, was she got into a thing about she's anti-pot, and she got into it with a rapper called Two Chains.
And forget about harshing a buzz.
Nancy Grace is actually capable of harshing a person's harsh.
There you go.
Good joke, Frank.
All right, what's coming up on today's show?
We're going to look into is Charlie Charlie Ebdo, are they really offensive and racists, or are a bunch of liberals a little too liberal?
We're going to answer that question today in the show.
Also, Nancy Grace, she looks into the pot controversy.
Should we legalize it?
Should we not?
You decide how she comes down.
It's a good guess.
Don Lemon is in our new segment called Missing the Point.
So Don Lemon.
And I'm going to guess in the future we'll always be in that segment.
He will always be in that segment, missing the point.
Also, we're going to take a look at Social Security being gutted by the Republicans and not being covered by the mainstream media.
Also, we're going to get to that Dana Milbank clip where he talks about, he uses porno terminology right on the news and everyone pretends like it's normal.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Barack Obama.
Mitt Romney's going to call in and John Boehner calls in, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Woohoo!
you So I don't know if you know, but Mitt Romney, the Republican field is so weak for president that it looks like he's going to run again.
Thank God.
It does look like he's going to, which I do.
I also say thank God because Mike McRae does such a great impression.
Yes.
And so here we go.
I think I got him on the phone.
Let's listen to what he had to say.
Joining us on the phone is former presidential candidate Mitt Romney.
Ah, don't you mean future presidential candidate, Jimmy?
That's right, Governor.
The word is that you're going to run again.
You bet you're a sweet Vippy, I am, Jimmy.
I decided to what the national political seniors right now is a fresh face.
Fresh face.
But this is going to be your third presidential run, Mitt.
Jimmy, quiet.
I don't want people to know about those other campaigns.
Let's keep my first two presidential runs on the download, okay?
Mitt, I hate to break this to you, but your last attempt at the presidency, the one where you won the GOP nomination, it was covered in the media.
Okay, admittedly, a few people blogged and tweeted about it.
But the whole thing was just a business transaction that didn't go through.
A business transaction?
Yes, I tried to buy the presidency, but my PayPal account got straight.
Information was deceptive.
So I wasn't able to close the deal.
Governor, I have to say, your interest in running for president in 2016 is a bit delusional.
Jimmy, are you only just now realizing that I'm delusional?
Haven't you heard about the crazy-ass religion that I've found?
LAUGHTER It all started with a man named Brigham Young ascended from a river of batshit.
Okay, fine.
You told everybody you weren't going to run for president again after losing this last time.
Jimmy, I did not lose last time.
I was denied the highest office in the land due to a technicality.
What was that technicality, Mitt?
More people voted for the other guy.
If that hadn't happened, I totally would have won.
It's not fair.
But, Governor, you promised lower gas prices if you were elected, and right now, gas prices are lower than what you promised.
And unemployment is now lower than what you promised.
In other words, President Obama has outperformed your promises.
So why would anyone vote for you?
Because if they don't, I'll fire them.
What?
That's right.
I'm not messing around anymore.
So I promise that if elected, my first act as president will be to fire the entire populace of the United States.
You're going to fire America?
Yes.
We'll need Americans that are more efficient at lower cost.
So everyone will be laid off and replaced with cheap citizenry from Norway.
Norway?
Sure, why not?
Governor, I think you're losing your mind.
My mind?
Do you think that's the only part of me that's fallen away?
Remember when I said I'd repeal Obamacare on day one of my presidency?
Yes.
Well, Obamacare was my fucking idea.
I came up with it.
And yet I spent two years telling everyone who'd listened that I hated Obamacare.
What I was telling them was that I hated myself.
That my ambition to be chief executive had destroyed my soul and left a deep, empty hole within my heart that nothing, not wealth, not family, not friendship, could ever fill.
And that my craving for power had turned me into a hollow shell of a man, doomed to wander the earth in a state of perpetual moral decay with no prospect for happiness or personal fulfillment ever again.
So what are you saying?
that I'm happy to announce my candidacy for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination.
I'm happy to announce my candidacy for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination.
Well, Mitt, good luck with that.
And thanks for stopping by.
Thanks, Jimmy.
And hey, why don't you open an exploratory committee up your own asshole, you dickless fuck?
It's good to be back with them.
I missed that shit like a dead twin.
All right, that was Mitt Romney, everybody.
Mitt Robney, right now.
The Jimmy Dorr show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Okay, so we're going to talk about the Charlie Ebdo, which I always can never remember how to pronounce that.
I have to ask every time.
So Charlie Ebdo, the H is super silent.
A lot of people have been asking the question.
Sure, they have the right.
They have the right to say what they say, but it's pretty offensive.
I've had a lot of people say this to me, and I've heard it.
First of all, I heard it last week by Chris Hayes.
Here's what Chris Hayes had to say about it.
When I first heard about the murders, the magazine's office, I remember the controversy nearly 10 years ago over Danish cartoons mocking the Prophet Muhammad.
At the time, I thought those cartoons were stupid, offensive.
A lot of them were racist.
And then if I were running a magazine, I wouldn't publish them, nor would I offer praise to those who did.
They seem to me a largely pointless prank.
Okay, so I just find that funny that he cartoons lampooning Muhammad, he found just pointless, stupid.
And I don't know, did he say Astinine?
He didn't say that.
No.
But he said racist.
He said racist, right?
So, first of all, you're trying to interpret, you're a white guy in America, Chris.
This is what people mistake and they forget.
You're trying to interpret satire from another country.
So it's not just jokes.
It's not just a joke like from a joke book.
It's actual satire, which is subtle.
There's subtext.
There's things you don't understand.
So saying they're racist.
So he goes on.
I just want to make that point.
Let me just also add that him describing it as pranks.
It makes me think his next slide is going to be, we have to shut down those guys at Delta House.
Okay.
But upon seeing today's murders, I admit to reconsidering.
I can't help but feel that what happened today retroactively ennobled the sometimes offensive cartoons published in Charlie Ebdo and other places because the magazine Ebdo and its staff were actually genuinely subject to violent reprisal.
So he's trying to say that I thought this Charlie Ebdo was offensive and I dismissed them before.
But now that it turns out they actually were going to get killed for what they were doing, I think that they were pretty cool.
It's like you didn't know that they were under threat when whatcha got killed in Holland over it.
And then they firebombed their office.
I mean, how did you not?
And then, I mean, after the fatwa that was put on Selman Rushdie, this is real stuff that happens.
And so you're not sure about this, Chris?
I mean, Charlie Ebdo published those things under, there's still a fatwa on Selman Rushdie, right?
So, I mean, why are you, he's pretending like, oh, I didn't really think they were under a threat.
I'm most outraged by the manager of that place.
You know, that's going to be a hell of a workers' comp claim.
So he goes out a little bit more.
Hold on, violently stood up against courageously and at tremendous cost, a cost we are seeing today.
And standing up against violent intimidation, that is noble, even if the cartoons themselves may not always be.
No, that just drives me crazy.
You don't have to denigrate satire that you don't understand, by the way.
You know what, Jimmy, though?
He works at a network where if you say the slightest thing that offends anyone in the Republican Party, Phil Griffith will issue an apology.
Yes, Wes would.
But he doesn't exactly work in an environment of satirical freedom.
No, not at all.
In fact, we saw them apologize to Reince Priebus.
We've seen, yes, we've seen that happen a lot.
And then they apologize.
Melissa Harris-Perry apologized for what a comedian said on her show that wasn't racist.
So, yeah, they have a long line of apologizing, a long history of apologizing.
This is from Glenn Greenwald.
So Glenn Greenwald talked, he wrote a column.
Of course, I can't read you the whole thing because it's Glenn Greenwald and it's about 45 pages.
So here's the paragraph that I got out of his article.
He says, some of the cartoons published by Charlie Ebdo were not just offensive, but bigoted, such as the one mocking the African sex slaves of Boko Haram as welfare queens.
Okay, now I've heard a lot of people, I think maybe this is what Chris was referring to, and I've heard a lot of people say this.
And let me just say one quick thing.
That Boko Haram welfare queen cartoon is the perfect example of why you can't criticize satire in someone else's culture.
Because if they go, oh, they have, because the Boko Haram cartoon has pictures of those girls that they kidnapped and raped as they're pregnant, and they look very, you know, in a denigrating way, African, without for a better way of with less of a, I can't think of a better way to say it.
So they're kind of stereotyped as these, a demeaning way, African, and they're pregnant, and they're, and the caption was, they want their, they want their welfare checks, right?
So they would point to that just like Greg Greenwald just did and said it was bigoted.
No, what they were doing in that cartoon was not bigoted.
What they're doing is called satire.
They were making fun of the extreme right wing in France, who always looks down their nose at anyone who wants welfare help as being someone looking for a handout who doesn't deserve it.
So they were making the point, they were satirizing their view of the women who were kidnapped and raped by Boko Haram.
That's their view of them, that they were satirizing.
That's the equivalent of Archie Bunker saying something racist on All in the Family because they're satirizing that guy.
They're not saying that.
That's not what Norman Lear really thought on All in the Family.
He had a guy say that stuff so we could all lampoon it and make fun of it and laugh at it.
That was the same thing that Charlie Ebdo was doing there.
They weren't being racist.
They wouldn't really do that.
Because when I saw that cartoon and I heard people saying this stuff about it, I went and looked it up.
And I was like, that can't be what they're saying.
So I did some research, and that's exactly what they were doing.
If that was, that was aimed at the right wing in France.
Because these people doing Charlie Ebdo were very left, very liberal.
And the idea that they would then do this didn't make sense.
It was incongruent.
So I knew there was something I was missing.
And of course, there's something we're all missing.
Hey, it's satire.
So being angry at that cartoon and calling it bigoted is like watching Stephen Colbert and calling him a crazy right-winger.
Yes.
Well, you know, it's the new thing to call it.
Say it again.
Which happened earlier this year with the Cancel Colbert movement.
Yes.
Yes, exactly what happened.
not getting and misinterpreting comedy and then using their misinterpretation of it to further their own agenda about something.
So here's a...
Let's just remember that it doesn't matter.
I'm a member of the ACLU.
I'm somebody who – if the Klan wants to talk, I let them talk because I know that protecting their rights is the same as protecting mine.
Yes, but I think what – I think everyone – So that free speech needs to be absolute.
But I think they would say that to you.
I think they would say, yes, we stand, which is what Chris Hayes just said.
But like what Chris Hayes is saying is, yeah, free speech is absolute and it should all be protected.
But hey, come on, guys.
Yeah.
Watch what you're saying because you're really going a little too far there.
And it's offending everybody here.
The Margaret Dumont Society.
Yes.
Yes.
The Pope said the Pope said the same thing.
The same thing today.
You know, it's easy to pick on the most Persecuted minority in the world, and that's secular atheists, you know, atheism.
And that's what these people were.
Yes.
You know, and that's why it's not the huge outcry of outrage as it should be if these people were, well, Catholics.
Right.
Exactly.
No, you're right.
So.
By the way, can I just say I love Bogo Haram's new single, Watershade of Veil.
Yes, you could say that.
Great songs, guys.
I love the organ play.
Yeah, I know.
So there's a gentleman who does a show here at KPFK.
It's called the Bradcast.
I'm a fan of that show.
I'm a fan of his great blog, the Brad blog.
So I listened to his show, and he tackled this subject also.
And here's what he here's the kind of, see, this is very representative, him and what Chris Hayes said, very representative of what people have been saying around this Charlie Ebdo situation.
And I think it's enlightening.
Here we go.
I'm not even talking about Islam or Muslim people in a positive or negative way.
You may have your opinions about them.
You may have your opinion about radical Islam.
You may have your opinion about extremists who call themselves Muslim.
That's fine.
That's okay.
But, you know, when you've got something like 1.7 billion people who generally take offense to depictions of the Prophet Muhammad, you can do it.
I just don't understand why you would want to.
And I don't understand how that makes anything better.
Okay, so I'm going to play one more clip from first.
I just disagree.
So because what you're going to say will offend 1.7 billion people, why would you want to say it?
That makes me want to say it more.
Well, if you're just saying it to be a lot of people who are going to be able to do it, why Monty Python shouldn't have made the life of Brian, right?
All the Christians.
The Christians went crazy about the life of Brian.
I mean, there's videos on YouTube where he had, they were on Monty Python, were on talk shows with the bishops of England, and they were really having a row over this or a row, however you say it.
Well, there's a big difference between deliberately poking a beehive and making fun of something to make a point and to get a laugh.
I mean, in my opinion, you should have a point you're making and get an honest laugh.
If you're just doing something to harass somebody to get a reaction, well, that's kind of pointless in my opinion.
Well, don't you think with 1.8 billion Muslims, they have strength and numbers?
You would think.
You would think they would have strength.
You can take one joke.
Well, yeah, of course.
If it's a good joke, yeah, fine.
I'm fine with it.
So that whole idea of because it will offend people, you shouldn't do it.
I couldn't think of anything, a worse reason.
So you're willing to say the N-word on stage now?
Am I willing to say no?
I mean, what?
But that's the same.
It is up there in terms of sacred cows, in terms of things that would just blatantly offend people.
Yeah.
I'm not willing to say it on stage, but that's my timidity.
I think there are jokes that you could justifiably say it on stage.
I remember that when Rick Perry came out and he had that N-Head ranch.
Right.
And I was personally, I was very hesitant to do tweets about it because the only way to do a funny tweet was to use the actual word.
To just say N-Had is not funny.
So I actually censored myself in terms of comedy because I just didn't feel comfortable going there.
But I would be completely admirable of any comedian that would be willing.
In fact, Frank in whatever context.
In fact, Frank, on this show, we did.
Sometimes we would say N-Head, but sometimes we would say the whole word if it was right for the joke.
And we did have Rick Perry say it.
So it's just like with the C word.
I've said the C word on stage, Robert.
And I've said the N word on stage and I say, it's gotta be what the, Is it worth the problems I'm going to cause myself to say this?
And sometimes it is.
Sometimes I'm willing to take the heat because I think this joke is worthy.
But I'm not defending a cartoon.
I'm not defending a cartoon, Frank, that just says I hate Muslims for no reason.
But there's the context of everything.
Like, if you say the N-word in your act, or even if you say it here, there's probably not going to be as much damage as, say, if you were an employee of MSNBC and you had a show there,
and if you said the N-word on MSNBC, even in the context that we're talking about, even if it was satire, if you use that word, in all likelihood, you'd either lose your job or at least be suspended, and you'd have to make an apology on the air.
So that is like an atmosphere of censorship that exists in this country.
Yeah, so I'm not saying that just right.
So just once more, Robert, it's a good point you made, but I wouldn't say the N-word just to offend people.
It would have to be there's a point.
I wouldn't try to offend Muslims just because they're Muslims.
I would have to have a point.
And just like Jim said, there had to be a point that gets an honest laugh.
But the point I'm making, and I'm not disagreeing with you, but the point I'm making is that free speech has certain responsibilities.
I totally agree with you.
But what he's saying is that it was wrong because it offended people.
That's it.
And that's not, so why would you want to offend people?
Well, you'd want to offend people because you want to make a point.
And here, let's play one more.
Jimmy, in the wake of the events that happened in Paris, a lot of people, a lot of people have been saying we should not make fun of backward religious people.
But I like making fun of Republicans.
So here's one more quote from the Brad cast here from KPFK.
Yeah, there's some big, big racial problems in France, no question about it.
And by the way, you know, you need someone like Charlie Ebdo to point those things out.
But I think you can do that.
I think you can be satirical, you know, in a way that doesn't serve to offend a whole bunch of people who did nothing wrong, the very personal religious beliefs of an entire people.
Again, I love Brad.
I love his show.
That's how I got this clip because I listened to it.
That's just an, and he's not a comedian, so I don't hold him to be, he doesn't need to be right about this.
I'll be right about it because I am a comedian, and this is the world I live in.
The fact that it offends a whole group of people's religious sensibilities is a win for comedy.
That is not a law.
It's a good thing that you offend people's religious sensibilities.
Coming up in the second half, we got phone calls from John Boehner, Barack Obama, and we tackle some more of this subject we're talking about right now.
But before we get to that, I want to take time to say thanks to everybody who thinks about our show when they buy something from Amazon.com.
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Okay, let's get back to the second half of the show.
A lot of great stuff coming up.
Hey, welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined on the phone from New York City from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Frank Conniff, also in the studio with me.
Hilarious comedy writer Mark Van Landuitt, hilarious comedian Robert Yasamura from the Young Turks Network.
It's Edward Umanya and former writer for The Daily Show and the author of Morning Remembrances, Jim Earl, is in the studio with me.
And we're talking about everything that happened with Charlie Abo Ebbo.
The age is very soft.
We're talking about the response of people that you can't, you shouldn't be insulting huge amounts of religious people.
That idea, we're talking about that idea and words cropped up in the media.
And we're going to get back to that.
And then we have a phone call from John Boehner and Barack Obama phones in later.
But right now, before all of that, we're going to get to, you know, Jim Earl has written a hilarious book called Morning Remembrances.
They are fake obituaries of real dead people.
And he often, they're very hilarious.
And now he's doing future, future obituaries of real live people.
So today's, well, here it comes.
And now we're going to have a reading, a future obituary from the book Morning Remembrance.
This is a future obituary read by Jim Earle.
Thank you very much, Jimmy.
Camille Cosby, lead accountant at Cosby Enterprises Inc.
Camille Cosby, one of the few select females ever allowed to naturally fall asleep around her husband.
Boom!
Boom!
Is dead after collapsing face down in a bowl of jello lies.
When reached for comment, her husband could only utter a half-hearted, hey, hey, hey, before blurting out a final Grizza Maza.
Camille Olivia Hanks first met William Cosby in 1963 on a blind date.
Blind because she blacked out at for the first few minutes.
Two married, the two married less than a year later.
Back then, it was a simpler time, she later recalled, when the only way you could drug a woman was to apply a homeopathic blister of catharides and cataplasms to her feet.
Perhaps supplemented by wheat poultices around the neck, along with a hot tonic mixture of molasses, butter, and vinegar, quickly followed up with a vinegar and sage tea for gargling, or more commonly, a tartar amidic.
Those were old times.
It's a lot harder to drug people back then.
You know, just like her husband's first sitcom, the Bill Cosby Show in 1969, their 50-year marriage was unique among celebrity relationships as it did not use a laugh track.
Although Vic Tayback did star as Calvin the mechanic.
The deceased leaves behind more than 20 assault victims whom many in the media have given a pass or weren't properly vetted.
The end.
Wow.
Great job.
Nice.
Nice.
Thank you.
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Okay, now let's join our discussion.
We join our discussion about the disturbing trend I saw.
A lot of people, smarter than me, talking about that maybe talking about the Charlie Abo incident and saying maybe it's not right to offend the sensibilities of religious people because there's so many of them and it offends them.
So what maybe there's no point.
Why should you do that?
So we're discussing that.
We discussed it for the first half hour and we're going to discuss it just a little bit more.
And then we got phone calls from John Boehner and Barack Obama and a lot more stuff.
Okay, let's get back to our conversation.
I'm joined on the phone by Frank Conner from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
And in the studio, I'm with Jim Earle, former writer for The Daily Show.
Also, Edwin Umanya from The Young Turks, often from the Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura and hilarious writer Mark Van Landuit.
So let's get back to the studio right now.
Well, you know what, though, in America, you could only really get away with doing comedy that criticizes or makes fun of religion only probably in the last 30, 40 years.
Yes, Lenny Bruce played a big price.
Yeah, for the entire history of our country before that, any comedian, you didn't see anyone in the 40s or even the 50s or any time.
You know, you never saw Bob Hulk do a joke to criticize the church.
And anyone who did that would have had their career ended immediately.
And there was plenty to criticize about the church back then as there is now.
So it's a good thing.
It's a more positive thing for the comedians to err on the side of offending people as opposed to just not saying anything.
And people, I remember I read a biography of Lenny Bruce one time, and they had made the point in this biography that there were a lot of comedians doing dirty jokes at that time.
There are a lot of around Lenny Bruce's time.
And they were doing a lot of, and they didn't get in trouble.
They didn't get arrested.
And they quoted, he quoted a cop one time who was in Chicago, and they came into a place where Lenny Bruce was playing, and they go, Why does this offend cops so much?
And he goes, I'm not here as a cop.
I'm here as a Catholic.
So that was a quote from a book that I read about Lenny Bruce.
So exactly what you're saying is correct, Frank, that it's only recent that we even have that kind of artistic freedom in America to ridicule religion.
And it's because of people like Lenny Bruce and George Carlin and Lexington and other people like that who, you know, who paved that path to do it.
And, you know, they were always roundly criticized.
They always got the exact same criticism that the Charlie Ebdo people are getting now.
Yeah, yeah.
And, you know, the idea of why would you want to do something that offends a bunch of people almost invariably, people who get offended need to be offended.
Yes, exactly.
If you're offended, if you're a religious person and your religious sensibilities are offended by a picture that someone draws with a pencil on a piece of paper in another country that you don't have to look at, then there's something wrong with you.
That's your problem.
And I don't care if you're I've had other people make this argument.
They say, you know, 99% of Muslims who follow Islam, they don't care about this stuff.
They're just regular people who want to have dinner with their wife and get a good job and all that stuff.
And they just care about.
Wait, wait, wait.
They want to have dinner with their wife?
Wait, what kind of crazy foreign religion is this?
Well, they have to sit at a different table.
Oh, okay.
And they have to eat with another hand.
And then they have to clean up afterwards.
But the point is, so my whole point is like, they go, why would you want to rub it in the face of the average person who follows Islam?
And I'm like, when I, again, just my Christian experience, the people who I want to lampoon the most or who I want to affect with my jokes the most aren't the bishops and the pope or the priests it's the people who I know who are Christians who are Catholic my brothers and sisters and my friends and the people sitting with me when I went to church as a kid those are the people who I want to affect with my jokes and so the average everyday run-of-the-mill religious person is the type of person I want to affect with my jokes it's not the extremists and
Yes, we're all against extremism.
I'm against non-extreme religion too because it breeds extremism.
It gives base to it.
It gives cover to it.
And it also is just as messed up.
It's superstitious thinking that doesn't aid anything.
It's a negative in all societies.
Sometimes people do good things in the name of religion.
I've often said that they would do those things if it wasn't for religion.
People who help people are those kinds of people.
They do it in spite of religion.
Yes, exactly.
That's the point.
Also with moderates, you have a chance of laughing them out of bad ideas.
Yes, you have a chance of laughing moderates.
You can tell a joke to a moderate and it might sink in.
It might make them think.
You'll never again get an extremist, as they say, to rethink something because of a joke.
I was surprised by what Glenn Greenwald was writing about the cartoons.
He was showing so little sense of what humor and satire is.
I mean he should be writing for.
salon.com he used to write for the left he did i mean honest to god the left is really wrong about this and uh you know the guy from the financial times he disparagingly talked about or referred to the charlie ebdo people very disparagingly um so people and and i've had people say well you know if you're gonna offend the muslim by drawing if you're gonna do that it's gonna offend the everyday muslim you're just being an a-hole and i'm like no you're not just being no
the a-hole is the person who says you shouldn't do something that doesn't have any effect on me just because I'm hypersensitive to something I shouldn't be sensitive to.
You mocking my religion.
By the way, if your religion is right and you think you're going to heaven and God's on your side, you really give a crap that someone else doesn't believe what you believe?
Why would you care?
So is religious that, it's that weak need that a cartoon can cut it to its core.
It can offend me and keep me up at night.
Are you, again, of course you are out of your mind because you believe in this crazy superstition that me as a sixth grader saw was superstition.
And that's why no grownups see through it, but they won't allow themselves to think it, right?
Because the prospect of, like we said last week, we are all jokes with a different setup, but the same punchline.
We're all going to die.
Okay.
Or all, that's the big joke of life.
We're all going to die.
Boom.
Ba-da-bomp.
You're dead.
So no matter what you do, you're a dead man.
And just our setups are different.
So that's the whole point.
You got to be able – am I talking too much about this?
Yes, you are.
So here – so we mentioned this at the top of the show that the GOP, one of their first acts was to implement an accounting trick that takes away money that's supposed to be transferred from inside Social Security.
So Social Security takes – It's a rules trick.
It's not an accounting trick.
It's a house rules – Yeah, the accounting trick is this, that the rule – so what normally happens is it happened during the Reagan administration.
It happened during the Clinton administration.
They take money from the General Social Security fund and they put it into the disability fund, right?
So what they've done now is passed a rule that says you can't do that.
Right.
So what that means is the disability fund is going to go bankrupt starting in 2016.
So by the way, running perfectly, this – Social Security has been working like magic, been working no problems.
Checks go out every month.
It's solvent until 2030-something.
No problem.
The most successful government program in the history of government programs.
And so of course the GOP wants to screw it up and they're not going to cover this on the news.
This is not going to be covered on the news.
And if it does get covered on the news – when I say the news, I mean Brian Williams, David Muir, CBS, Scott Pelley, whoever does – I'm talking about CNN, Chris Cuomo, Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper.
They're not going to cover this.
And they're not – and if they do cover it, even on PBS, the NewsHour, the way they will cover it is there was a new rules change in Social Security that the Democrats say will weaken Social Security, where the Republicans say it will reform it to make it stronger for the future.
Now we're moving on.
That's how they're going to report it.
And it's too – and by the way, by the time they start reporting it, it's going to be too late.
It's going to be too late.
Yes.
So that – again, that is – Every pundit on the Sunday shows that they have on will praise it.
Yes.
It's called a reallocation transfer.
And it happened – the last one happened in 1994 and after several of them in the 80s under President Ronald Reagan.
Republicans say they passed the rule change to force reforms to the disability program, which they claim is rife with fraud and mismanagement.
Democrats, unable to stop the shift, have called it a stealth move to cut benefits.
By the way, you know what else is rife with corruption?
The Pentagon.
yeah so you don't get rid of a pedestal you don't get rid of programs just because they're they're rife with corruption right and it's by the way it's not rife with corruption and by the way democrats need to stop calling it a stealth move because that sounds like something really cool because democrats and that's another thing democrats are not going to message against this they that The Republicans had the entire country thinking that something actually happened in Benghazi when nothing happened.
They had that whole country thinking there was an IRS scandal when there wasn't.
They had the whole country thinking there were death panels in Obamacare when there wasn't.
They had the whole country thinking Obamacare was going to hurt our economy when it did the opposite.
Yet the Democrats, when handed an issue like this, the GOP is on purpose wrecking Social Security.
They won't be able to make hay out of this.
One of the easiest subjects, this is called a hanging curveball, which you are supposed to knock out of the park, which they're going to completely ignore and screw up by calling it stuff like a stealth move.
Right.
Oh, the Democrats are doing a stealth move.
Well, that sounds cool.
It's stealth.
Calling it, also calling it a stealth move implies that, oh, well, we can't do anything about it anymore.
Yes, it's through.
It's over.
And the AARP is probably one of the most powerful lobbies in the country.
Allying yourself with them only helps Democrats, only helps liberal causes.
They should be hanging this around the neck of every GOP House member from here to eternity.
Yeah, it used to be that if you sided with the elderly, you know, it was a guaranteed political winner, you know, because senior citizens are known for coming out and voting.
Yes.
And politicians have always pandered to them.
And, you know, so I think Democrats should get out to some of those 5 p.m. dinners and appeal to people about Social Security.
I couldn't agree with you more, Frank.
But the problem is that the Democrats, again, won't be able to message on this.
The Republicans will be able to say we're trying to save Social Security.
The media will report it as both sides say this, both sides say that.
And the Democrats will have a weak message.
Go ahead.
I've heard some reports that some people think Obama might cave on this.
Yes.
Yes.
That's because the Republicans have spent the last eight years trying to convince people that Social Security is going bankrupt.
And a lot of Democrats went along with it.
And they exactly want to do that.
Guys like Dick Durbin, who said we got to fix Social Security.
Now, he's in the book, Country's Just Not That Into You, as being one of the guys who think we got to cut Social Security.
And now he's trying to.
So that's the thing.
Where's Obama's administration's response to what Rand Paul said today, claiming that half of those people on disability are gaming the system?
Oh, did he say that today?
Yeah.
Right.
That's the thing is that that's the Republicans' current move is to very cynically say to people who are in Social Security as the elderly that, oh, the disabled people are draining the account.
Right.
And they're going to hurt you.
Right.
So that's, and the guy who proposed this rules change was like the first guy in front of that.
He was the guy who basically said that talking point from the beginning.
So the Republicans are going to pit older people against disabled people next time.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, they used to, you know, last year we covered on this show what a Republican congressman is saying we have to pit the disabled against the single-wed mothers.
Right.
That was that, we talked about that on the show.
Like that literally what that says, that's what we're going to have to do.
We're going to have to play hardball.
We're going to get the disabled to look down their nose on people who are single mothers.
The Republicans are going to pander to people who are pissed off that they can't get better parking spaces.
Yeah.
And I can't, by the way, this is the kind of stuff that ends up costing the country a fortune.
Again, and the Democrats are falling down on the job because they won't message.
They won't get a coherent message.
They're falling down.
What are they disabled?
Also, what's happening this week from the Washington Post, they said Republicans telling scary first week in Congress.
Republicans telling scary week, first week in Congress.
So what did they do their first week in Congress?
They got that headline from Mitch McConnell who said he asked the GOP majority to, quote, don't be scary.
That's what he said.
I want the American people to be comfortable with the fact that the Republican House and Senate is responsible right-of-center governing majority.
And so what they jumped off with the XL pipeline, screwing over Social Security because they know the press won't be able to push back.
They also, one of their big new ideas, they passed a bill, Hire More Heroes Act, which would let businesses hire veterans already covered by the Defense Department health care plans without having them count toward the Affordable Care Act's rule that businesses with 50 or more employees must offer health insurance, right?
So if you're a veteran, they can hire you.
You don't have to give everybody else health care if that veteran puts you over 50.
They also, they also, the third thing they did was they changed the ACA's definition, the American, the Affordable Care Act, Obamacare's definition.
They haven't done it yet, but this is what the proposal.
The third proposal is to change Obamacare's definition of a full-time worker from 30 hours to 40 hours.
Right.
Which was the problem all along has always been that small employers of 50 people or more have always put people at 38 hours a week to keep from giving them benefits.
That was the problem all along for the last 10, 15 years.
So they don't want to give people, so that'll screw up Obamacare pretty hard.
Basically, will drain Obamacare hinges on a certain number of people being insured.
And so what will happen is that those people who make bad money to start with are going to have to pay into their own insurance to start with or they're just going to get sued.
Yeah.
So here's what the Washington Post sums up the first week of the Republican Congress.
And they took a look at more than 200 bills Republican senators and representatives proposed in their first week of the new Congress.
And an even more depressingly familiar picture of the party emerges.
Republicans' priorities are clear.
They want to deregulate the environment, repeal Obamacare, and derail the president's immigration plans.
Those were the three most common topics of the bills introduced, along with bills or resolutions to cut spending, force a balanced budget, or restrict Obama's options the next time the United States hits a debt ceiling.
Economic packages were almost entirely absent, relegated to secondary reasons for deregulating the environment or repealing Obama.
So they have no economic plan.
They have no jobs plan.
Barack Obama actually called me and yeah, let's see what he had.
He had something to say, I think, about this.
Let's see what he had to say.
Judy, Barry.
My question.
What the fuck?
Have you seen this new Congress?
These guys might as well carry tortures and pitchforce to work.
Swear to God, I think Boehner just approved the subcommittee to investigate witchcraft.
Have you read some of these bills, man?
At least two bills would kill deferred action On immigration.
Because, you know, there are a lot of old white people who are scared they might see a Mexican, and that would give a Mexican kick eye.
They'd have to go before a death panel that will smother them with a pillow.
Cracker asshole.
A new house rule is going to let Republicans cut Social Security benefits next year.
Because you know what Americans secretly want?
They have their mothers come live with them forever.
Maybe not we'll get to wash her feet while she tells us about an article she read that day in Else Weekly.
Trust me, my mother-in-law lives with me, and I ain't no fucking picket either.
One bill will raise the work hour requirements in the ACA from 30 hours to 40 hours, which will basically destroy the Affordable Care Act.
But on the bite side, your 12-inch subway sandwich will still be only $5, which is a great deal.
A great deal with diabetes.
Yeah.
Shit, I'll just stay right there.
Say something, Jimmy.
These assholes just took a street fight with the wrong black man.
You hear me?
I'm term limited, and I got nothing to lose up in here.
You want to send me some of these bills?
I'll veto that shit with my dick, man.
They send me one of these crazy ass bills.
They better expect to get it back with a red outline of my fine black trouser meat.
Yeah, I said that.
Because I'm Obama, man, and I approve this Massachusetts voicemail.
Okay, as Barack Obama, as written by.
Yes.
Yes, as written by Robert Yasamura.
Great job, man.
Okay, here we are on the phone.
We have Speaker of the House, John Boehner.
John, how are you feeling?
I feel great, Jimmy.
I understand that there was a little, you had a little scare.
Somebody threatened to poison you.
Boehner's going to hate.
Not worried about it.
There's been many attempts on my life over the years.
Oh, really?
What other attempts have there been on your life?
Well, Patsy Paul, she snipped my brake line one time.
*laughter*
How do you know it was her?
How do you know it was?
Well, that little bitch came back in covered with grease.
I knew the trick was up.
Ah, okay.
Those tagels are sneaky.
Yeah, okay.
I don't know if that's proper call to tell you that.
Listen, um...
Oh, excuse me.
*laughter*
Is there anything else?
Was there any other attempts on your life?
One time I was coming out of coming out of the Capitol and someone was on the roof throw and tried to drop a brick on me.
They timed it wrong, though.
Oh, really?
They hit Max Cleland.
Oh, that's too bad.
I know.
They probably felt like a right dick.
No, Max Cleveland, he's the war hero who lost.
Yeah, he's messing with all sorts of shit.
Two arms and a leg.
Or two legs and an arm, I think, right?
Yeah, an entire KFC bucket worth the living.
LAUGHTER Jesus.
Christ, Christ, I'm not in with a brick.
laughter laughter He's a tough son of a bitch.
So he'll be fine.
I'm sorry.
Say it again.
He's a tough son of a bitch.
He'll be fine.
Hey, I ripped hard now.
What the fuck?
So, what is this?
What was the latest attempt on your life?
Well, there's a bartender at my country club back in Ohio.
And he's just a nut job, and he just tried to get me.
He got fired for being a lunatic.
Oh, really?
Why?
But then he blamed it on me, and he thought I was the devil, and that he's Jesus Christ.
One of those deals, you know.
Oh, really?
So he got fired from the country club that you golf at, and he blamed you.
And so, what he's threatened to poison your thing, your drink?
There was some sort of plot, yes.
You know, at this point, I don't even bother myself with the details.
Oh, okay.
I just, you know, had to be vigilant.
You know, it's going to happen.
I'm sure you got to be afraid that that could happen anytime anywhere you go.
Someone wants to get rid of you, right?
What are you saying, Jimmy?
No, I'm just saying that you must be looking over your shoulder.
I've been looking to you, too.
No, no, no.
I'm not making, I'm just saying that I'm sure there'd be a lot of people who don't agree with your ideology who'd want to, you know, kill you.
Yes, well, I mean, that's that's what you're dealing with with the left.
The left is crazy, and it's a green ground for domestic terrorists.
Yeah, I don't know about that.
They're all reading Sololinsky.
Yeah.
Jesus.
They're all just Sololinsky acolytes.
Yeah, that's amazing.
You guys found the one left-winger who's kind of quasi-supported.
You people are nothing but one great big weather underground.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So that guy's fired and he didn't get to poison you.
Oh, he did not.
A lot of people think he might have been poisoning you with orange food color, but that's another story.
That's an obvious joke.
I get it.
Yeah.
So I'm like an ex-men who can control traffic.
What does that have to do with anything?
I'm orange.
Oh, that's right.
I got it.
Okay.
Darboro traffic code.
Well, I'm glad that you're healthy and you didn't get poisoned.
I'd rather be Magneto.
I want one more thing that I noticed that there was a little, it was underreported in the news, obviously, because it's important.
So anything important ever gets reported in the mainstream news media.
I mean, you guys are lucky, right?
Yeah.
Okay, so the thing I wanted to ask you about was that you're making an accounting change to Social Security that will actually start screwing things up for social media.
You read about that.
Yeah, yeah, I did catch that.
It was underreported.
So you guys are going to start screwing over Social Security starting in 2016.
No, no, no, no.
We're just there to we're just going to reform it.
Yeah, but what reforming, what do you mean by reform?
Make it better.
Yeah, but how does how does screwing it over and making it be underfunded, how does that make it better?
What you do is you underfund it, you choke it out, you squash it, then you can rebuild it from the ground up.
So what you're really trying to do is kind of crush Social Security, end it, and then you can rebuild.
That's not what it sounds like when you say reform.
Well, it's like when you fix a car, sometimes you got to strip it down.
Take it all apart and make it smaller so it doesn't function temporarily and then you build it back up to a good old car machine.
Yeah, but you know, Social Security is already running pretty well.
It's in fact, it's solvent.
It'll be solvent until 2030 something.
Getting social security is a disaster.
No, it's actually running perfectly.
It's actually solvent and there's no problems with it.
That's not what our numbers show.
I know your numbers aren't correct.
Yes, they are.
And it sounds to me like you're just trying to ruin a popular social program because it actually works, just like you guys tried to ruin or are trying to ruin the post office because it's a government institution that actually works, and that goes against your message that government can never work.
Isn't that true?
Isn't that really the real issue here, John?
Yeah, basically.
Thanks to Chuck Chad and the rest of the mainstream media, no one will ever know.
Yeah.
And we will get away with it thanks to those not meddling kids.
All right.
Thanks, John.
I appreciate you being candid like this.
Hey, you know what?
At some point, you got to let it all out.
Don't worry, Jimmy.
It's public radio.
After having this brush with death, I figured I'd open up and stop lying to you on the telephone.
Oh, thank you very much, John.
That's very sweet of you.
I look forward to our future conversations and how long you can keep this up.
Don't count on it.
Okay, John.
Thanks, buddy.
That was John Boehner.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yay!
Well, look at that.
Look at how long the show went today.
It's over an hour long, and we didn't even get to Nancy Grace or the porno talk on the Chris Matthews show.
So if you want to hear about the porno talk on the Chris Matthews show, you got to get the premium content.
And it's going to be a double episode this week.
That's right.
Double episode on the premium content this week.
Check it out.
There's a lot more to our Charlie Ebbo conversation.
Jin, there's more to that.
There's a great, we have some great points that we didn't get to.
Frank makes some great points and a couple of the people also and some laughy laughies.
That's included.
We're going to have our conversation about the porno on the Chris Matthews show, plus the Ron Paul call from last week.
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All right.
So today's show, did you know that today's show was written, was written by Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuet, Robert Yasamura, Steph Zamorano, Frank Conniff wrote today's show.
Jim Earl, special guest, sat in and did a new obituary from his book, Morning Remembrance, which can be found at jimearl.com.
And a shout out to our man who donates his time and talent to make my computer work.
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Send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
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Okay, that's it for this week.
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