All Episodes
Previous Next
Oct. 25, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:21:14
20141025_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_10-25-14
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Please stop using the word guys when you're speaking to me.
Hey, guys.
What's up, guys?
Anything guys?
Hey, guys, can I get you guys anything?
Hi, what's up, guys?
Hey, guys.
Wow.
How are you, guys?
Please, please, for the love of Susan, be Anthony.
Stop it.
I am not a guy.
I have the Barbie parts to prove it.
And actually, some of my lady parts are in tip-top shape, which reminds me I'm not a guy.
Maybe you guys missed the entire era when names of occupations were changed.
Fireman to firefighters, stewardess to flight attendant.
That was to reflect the reality of including both genders.
See?
It's nonsense to believe that ladies should assume they are automatically included in a strictly masculine term.
Got it?
Ladies never consider the word gentleman on a door as an invitation to go ahead and go inside.
Miss Manners even agrees that you guys is offensive.
Ladies and gentlemen, is the proper way to address any mixed audience.
Can you guys, folks, people, kinsfolk, humans, personage, citizens, inhabitants, populace, or mortals, stop referring to women as guys?
Come on.
Even Congress knows I'm not a guy.
Just this past September, for the third time, the Paycheck Fairness Act failed to get enough votes again because a bunch of guys voted against it.
Right, guys.
Okay, maybe four Republican lady guys voted for it too, against it, rather.
And if you're sitting there saying, what's the big deal being called a guy?
I menstruate.
And most guys, to my knowledge, don't.
Anatomically, I am built to be the superior gender.
And whether or not you are able to comprehend this probably means you're a guy.
So can we stop flipping saying?
Hi, guys.
This is Steph, the miserable liberal.
Bye, guys.
Bye.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for gut-minded, lowly-lovered lefties.
The kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk on your key value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined in the studio across from me.
It's a hilarious Japanese comedian man.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hi, Robert.
How are you?
Very well.
Been fighting robots a lot.
Oh, you know what?
I have to play up the ethnicity of the people on my show because I'm white.
Do we get a tax credit?
Yes, we certainly do.
Next to him, hilarious comedian, my good buddy from Chicago.
It's Ted Lyde.
Hi, Ted.
How are you?
I happen to be an African-American.
Yes, there you go.
We got a black guy here.
I got a yellow guy here.
I thought I'd say it before you said it.
Thank you.
Honky.
I got an Armenian behind the camera over there.
Look at that.
We got it all.
Across the, on the phone, all the way in New York City from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's an Irish white guy.
Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Hello there.
Yay.
Also with us, our resident Latina.
She's from the blog, The Miserable Liberal.
Check it out.
There's a link over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
It's Steph Zemarano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
I'm doing great, Jimmy, and I love my union.
Oh, I love your union, too.
Okay, guess what?
Let's do.
Okay, now let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
You know, I'm not a scientist.
What?
I'm not a scientist.
Okay.
But I do say so.
But I do know that politicians who dodge questions by saying, I'm not a scientist, are full of shit.
Yeah.
But I'm not a scientist.
Hey, by the way, did you hear Ben Bradley died, who was the editor-in-chief of the Washington Post?
Richard Nixon was taken down by him.
Actually, Richard Nixon was taken down by this thing that we used to have in our country called journalism.
Oh, what is that?
Yeah, and that's when Ben Bradley, who was the editor-in-chief of the Washington Post, was there.
Now, the Washington Post, a very sad newspaper.
It's a very, very, very sad newspaper.
As opposed to all the other newspapers that are just so good.
New York Times is just sad.
They're not sad sad.
Okay.
They don't get a double sad.
No, they're just a single sad.
And that's for turning their back on WikiLeaks and Edward Snowden.
And they're 40 years late to the marijuana legalization.
And the New York Times also on the wrong side of torture and just about everything.
The Iraq war.
I guess maybe they are sad sad.
And native advertising, too.
Yes.
How can you say they're on the wrong side of torture when they never print the word for you?
Oh, that's right.
There you go.
Okay.
By the way, Bren Bradley, Ben Bradley, he's dead now, right?
So that guy, the story.
And so Politico ran a piece by BP employees.
That's right.
Defending BP's oil spill just to make sure that Ben Bradley's spirit is dead.
I don't want the afterlife.
And you know, I don't know what it is about the media.
They just say that if someone's discredited, they just can't let them go away.
They have to keep bringing them back and asking them for their opinion.
Like, for instance, maybe the biggest disaster, natural disaster in our history of our country was a Hurricane Katrina.
Sure.
Overseen by Heck of a Job Brownie.
Guess what?
CNN interviewed Michael Heck of a Job Brownie, and they asked his opinion on the Ebola crisis.
Yes.
And then they asked Oscar Pistorius his ideas on relationships.
By the way, I agree with Ted Cruz on the travel ban.
I don't know how you guys feel about it.
I agree with him.
And I say we start by restricting all travel from Texas to America.
Good, good call.
Anybody with me on that?
At the very least, require a passport.
Okay, so what are we going to be talking about today?
Hey, voter suppression.
It's not just for breakfast anymore.
And the Republicans, the Republicans are on it.
These laws aren't just racist folks.
They discriminate against the elderly, the poor, and students.
So let's not hang the racist moniker on them.
Just okay, we're going to talk about that.
Plus, more stuff about the minimum wage.
Hey, minimum wage workers turns out they're losers and everyone hates them.
Why don't they go away and then we'll cook our own burgers?
That's a coming up.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, we got Chris Christie weighs in on the minimum wage.
When I say weigh in, that's exactly what he's saying.
Plus a lot lot more.
We got phone calls today from Chris Christie calls in.
We got Bill O'Reilly and Rick Perry calls in to defend his Ebola handling of the Ebola stuff.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
So we're just talking about the minimum wage again.
And, you know, Republicans believe they're doing you a favor to pay you less because it inspires you to make more money.
The same thing with voting.
The more Republicans try to prevent you from voting, the more you'll want to vote, right?
This is how they think.
So here's Chris Christie trying to sound clever about screwing people on who are working for the minimum wage.
Ready?
I got to tell you the truth.
I'm tired of hearing about the minimum wage.
He's tired of hearing about the minimum wage.
He really is.
He's really tired of hearing about the minimum wage.
I bet the workers are also tired of living on it.
Maybe.
He's got more to say.
Oh, you know what?
I just thought that maybe he thought they said minimum weight.
Minimum wage.
I think he's tired because of tryptophan.
So here's his, listen to his convoluted law.
This is bad.
We played his bullcrap logic about gun magazine.
He's not against.
He's against any legislation to try to limit gun magazines, right?
So he goes, what's the difference if it's 10 bullets or 100?
Are those first 10 people less valuable than this?
It's like, you idiot.
You know, it's just, we talked about it on this, we debunked him.
This is even worse logic than that.
Talk about the straw man of all straw men.
Here it comes.
I got to tell you the truth.
I'm tired of hearing about the minimum wage.
I really am?
I don't think there's a mother or father sitting around a kitchen table tonight in America who are saying, you know, honey, if our son or daughter could just make a higher minimum wage, my God, all our dreams would be realized.
Is that what parents aspire to for their children?
No, you know what?
People who are working on the minimum wage are sitting around their table going, man, I'm hungry.
That's what they're doing.
People who are working for the minimum wage are sitting around going, boy, I wish I could see a doctor.
Boy, I wish I could afford to go to college.
I can keep the heat on or I can keep the water off.
Yeah.
All right.
That's what people who are working for the minimum wage are saying.
Boy, I wish I could afford to buy some clothes for my kids.
Where did he say this?
Chris Christie, I don't know where he said it.
I don't know.
I'm going to guess it was at $100 a plate dinner or something like that where it's like, yeah, there's no danger of people in this room contradicting.
I have to tell you, though, right now, just some advice.
Don't go to a 100-plate, $100-a-plate dinner for Chris Christie.
You'll pay $100 and never get a bite to eat.
Don't do it.
So he's got a little bit more to say.
They aspire to a greater growing America where their children have the ability to make much more money and have much greater success than they've had.
And that's not about a higher minimum wage, everybody.
So he invents this imaginary mom and dad who sit around their table and I don't know what the, I don't know.
We can dismiss poor people who are working wanting a higher wage because some fictitious parents are sitting around wanting their kids to make more than the minimum.
That doesn't mean there's no...
I think every person on the planet has sat around the table saying, "I wish I made more money." That's what the minimum wage is about.
Yes, it's about I'd like to, I have this job that pays me minimum wage.
I'd like to be able to afford more things.
Listen, I worked at McDonald's as a teenager, and I worked long enough.
I worked there about, I think, three years, and I got a raise every year.
And every raise meant, you know, because I was raised in a single home.
You know, I had three siblings and a single mom.
And then my mom and dad got divorced.
And every dime that I brought home mattered.
Every dime that I brought home was contributed to the household.
Yes.
And that is what we talked about when we were sitting around the table is, hey, you know, thanks for contributing to the household.
You know, not, you know, everything he's saying is just so false.
It's so false.
It doesn't make any sense.
So he's sick of talking about the minimum wage, but he's perfectly okay fictionalizing people around their kitchen table.
And the fact of the matter is there are plenty of people still that are contributing to their families.
And what is income?
What he's trying to say there is that the people who are advocating for the minimum wage are a bunch of lily white liberals because poor people don't really care about the minimum wage.
That's what he's trying to say.
Poor people.
Poor people want to make less money so it'll motivate them to go out and make more money.
And what I'm saying right now is the logic of Republicans.
It's what they really say.
You know, when the beggar asked Jesus for a scrap of food, remember what Jesus said?
He said, hey, I don't think there's a mother and father who's sitting around their table going, oh, if only our starving son could get enough food to live on for a day, my God, then all our dreams will be realized.
That's not what they're doing.
That's what Jesus said.
Jesus also said, give a man a fish, he'll have fish for a day.
Teach a man to fish.
It'll ruin the supply size economic.
Yes.
I heard that just give them a fish filet.
This is the.
Yes.
This sort of points out one of the central and subtle canards of the Republican Party, which is that because we have freedom in this country, that all choices are free.
And that is simply not true.
Most people, the vast, vast majority of people who work minimum wage jobs do not do so because they made some free choices.
Correct.
Okay.
But what the Republican Party would have you believe is that is exactly what they are doing.
And they simply want to line their pockets in that choice.
Yeah, yes.
And because did you know that half of all minimum wage workers are over the age of 25?
Half of all minimum wage workers are over 25.
That's not little Timmy working a summer job at the International House of Pancakes, which, by the way, is where Chris Christie learns about foreign policy.
Two-thirds – Two-thirds of minimum wage earners are women and are mothers.
Two-thirds of minimum wage workers are mothers.
Yes, but there's no war on women.
Notice how the new breed of Republicans don't pontificate about family values anymore when talking about not raising the minimum wage because your family has no value to their corporate overlords.
Yeah.
Sarah Palin made some comment recently about the minimum wage.
I think it was something like, you know, who aspires to make money.
That's a temporary job is fast food.
And working at a Wendy's or a Burger King, it's not something you're meant to do forever.
So how much you're getting paid shouldn't matter because it's not the final destination.
So what that presupposes, Ted, is that there are other jobs that are higher paying that these people could get, but they're just too lazy to go out and get them or something.
But they're not too lazy to go work at a minimum wage job all day long, but somehow they're too lazy to go out and get a better paying job.
And I'm just flipping burgers at this burger joint until my resume gets accepted at Microsoft.
Right, yeah.
Yes, yes.
Also, it's the idea that if you raise their salary to $10 an hour, they'll be like, whoa, I've made it now.
Don't need to trade it.
It's all gravy from here, my friends.
I'm living the life, and I'm not going to contribute to society or try to start my own business because I've arrived.
Yes.
This is, Frank, what this is, this is the newer, dumber version of Let Them Eat Cake.
Oh, people can't live on the minimum wage.
Well, let them get jobs that pay twice as much.
Or as Chris Christie said, let me eat cake.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
So on the phone, I've got, I think I have Governor Chris Christie.
Jimmy Door, my old friend, how you doing, you little shitty mall?
Hey, it's been, hey.
Hey, it's been a while since we last talked.
What have you been up to?
What have you been up to, Governor?
I hear you're running for the presidency.
That's the talk.
You know, every time we talk, it's all about me, me, baby.
Jimmy Door, how are you doing?
Wow, I don't think you ever asked me that before.
I'm doing great.
You know, I currently have a best-selling book out.
It's called Your Country's Just Not That Into You, right?
Have you heard of that?
Your country's just not?
Uh-huh.
And I'm going to be doing a show with a live studio audience for the young Turks at their store.
Oh, yeah, great.
Great.
Yes.
Yeah, and also, I'm currently preparing for my new one-hour special, which I'm going to be doing.
Yeah, real interesting.
Hey, Jimmy, I lost 46 and a half pounds.
I lost 46 and a half pounds.
Well, Governor, that's good for your health that you lost that weight.
Was it easy?
Yeah, I got it.
It's all about self-control, willpower.
And because of my lab maid surgery after the fifth health of macaroni and cheese, I throw up.
That doesn't really sound like willpower, though, does it?
Yeah, I get complimented as if I'm losing this weight as a personal accomplishment.
It's like congratulating my uncle Johnny for not knocking up any more girls after his vasectomy.
You know, the other day, Brian Williams said that anonymous sources told him that the federal investigators ruled out any links of you with the Washington Bridge scandal.
But now I hear that Brian Williams was wrong and the federal prosecutors are still investigating and haven't made any final announcements about your involvement with that.
You don't think that's a good story?
I asked Michael Sigliary if we have those people on the payroll.
They might like a story like that.
He said they might.
They just might.
You know, they'll never get to me.
They'll never get to.
The judges I carry in my pocket like so many nickels and dimes and pastry grubs.
You know, you're not the least bit worried about what these investigators are going to discover about you?
I didn't do nothing.
Look, I specifically told Santino that I don't ever want to hear about political retribution taken against my enemies.
He said, okay.
Then I said, I will be furious if I hear even a whisper of alcohol today to reprisals against Democratic mayors.
He said, I understand.
Then I had to tell him I will be very upset if an act of revenge is taken against anybody in Fort Lee because they went against the family.
He said, oh, now I get it.
I said, about that, he dumb fucks tomorrow.
You know, Governor, I think all this scandal surrounding your governorship is going to make it difficult for you to get the Republican nomination.
No, you just wait.
I'll be the big boss.
We're going to get a load of these pizzacles, Ron Paul and Four Eyes Pabby.
I'm going to seem like the only sane Republican running.
Well, how do you expect to win over female voters when you ended child care programs, cut maternity leave, and are against abortion?
That don't doesn't matter.
But sure, women voters relate to me because I had my tubes tied.
And I had my eggs frozen.
I like it.
I like scrabbled eggs, Governor.
At this rate, if Huckleby wins, I won't be the fattest guy on the debate stage.
Is that why you got the left band surgery in the first place, right?
The presidential primaries are basically a dick measuring contest, which is a problem because it was three decades ago I was able to last see my dick.
So I heard you recently commented about the minimum wage.
What'd you say?
All I said was that I'm tired of hearing about the membable wage.
Well, Governor, don't you think that maybe...
Don't you think that working people deserve to have a wage that raises in accordance with inflation and prices?
I'm not listening.
But, Governor, don't you think that people...
Oh, I don't know the way.
Working women are affected by stagnant wages, too.
You don't understand how this works.
I'm a millionaire who doesn't want to hear about something.
Therefore, you have to shut your fuck up about it.
That's the way a political system watches.
Governor, you know, there's the possibility you might be indicted in these federal investigations.
Oh, I'm shaking.
What will voters think about the fact that you repealed hundreds of environmental protection laws, gave no big contracts to campaign control?
You cut state workers' pensions.
Oh, you got me shaking.
And how will you defend the fact that New Jersey's credit rating has been downgraded eight times since you've been governor?
Eight.
I'm shaking.
Really shaken.
My blood sugar is low.
I need my insulin shot.
You need to go?
Wrap this up, fuck face.
I'm late for liquid butternight at Red Lobster.
Okay, Governor Chris Christie.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Hey, I will be in Santa Barbara October 25th.
That's tonight, telling jokes.
And also on November 6th, that's Thursday, I will be in Ventura, California, telling jokes in Ventura.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for more info and links for tickets.
I'm talking with hilarious comedian.
You know him from Mad Men.
He plays the character Lou Avery, TV's most hated man, but you also know him from his television show on Comedy Central.
You know him from his many, many appearances on the David Letterman show, his own HBO specials.
He's one of my all-time favorite comedians.
It's Alan Havey.
Hi, Alan.
How are you?
Jimmy, thanks.
Thanks for having me on.
Now, Alan, we all love you on Mad Men.
No, no, people hate me.
I mean, well, we love to hate you on Madame.
You know what?
The weird thing is, a couple registered said, we don't even love to hate this guy.
We just hate this guy.
I got women coming up to me after the show.
I guess who don't understand it.
It's a fictional character.
Yes.
And squeeze my hand and go, leave Don Draper alone.
And I tell him, Draper's out.
I grab Peggy and Joan.
And it's over.
Well, that's fantastic.
Now, Alan, you got a big show coming up this Saturday, actually, tomorrow night at the Hollywood Improv.
You're going to be telling jokes, right?
Tomorrow.
Well, telling jokes and working my comedy stylings.
You're not really a joke guy.
You might have me confused with Rodney Dajerfield or Brian.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, you do.
Actually, Brian Kylie's going to be in the show with Lori Kilmartin and Tom Papa.
Oh, those are three hilarious, hilarious people.
Of course, Tom Papa, we all know from the TV show Come to Papa and Marriage Ref.
The Marriage Ref.
He was the host of that.
Of course, Lori Kilmartin, the popular author of Be Mom.
Yeah.
Right?
That was a New York Times bestseller.
That was a great book.
She's hilarious.
I love Lori.
And Ryan Kiley, you've seen him on David Letterman.
You've seen him on Conan.
You've seen him on the Tonight Show.
He's a great joke writer.
That's a great show.
Probably one of the best joke writers.
Yeah, there is.
As far as jokes, set up Punchline.
Yes.
Put him up there with Mitch Hedberg.
Yeah, yeah.
No doubt about it.
Rodney, just great, simple.
He has one of my all-time favorite jokes about his school wasn't very tough.
His bullies were only passive-aggressive.
They would be like, hey, they wouldn't steal your lunch money.
They'd be like, hey, you're going to eat all that?
That is a kind of humor.
That's just a tip of the iceberg.
You're not at the Hollywood Improv on Melrose, 8 p.m.
That's tomorrow night.
Now, people can go to get links for tickets.
Improv.com.
Okay.
Laughstub improv.com.
That's the big show.
That's the 8 p.m. show tomorrow night at the Hollywood Improv.
That's at Melrose and Crescent Heights.
They can go old school and call it.
They can go old school and just call the improv.
323-651-2583.
Okay, tomorrow night, 8 p.m., the hilarious Alan Havey.
You know him from Mad Men.
You know Lori Kilmartin from a great book.
You know Tom Papa from the Marriage Ref and Brian Kylie, one of the all-time.
Performance.
That's right.
I saw that movie.
You're a great actor, Alan.
You're a great actor.
Well, thank you.
I always lead with my left hand and hold it up in the air when I recite.
Okay.
That really helps me.
Just a tip for the kids out there.
Hold up the left hand high in the sky like it's a kite that you're chasing.
And it, you know, and listen, if you come and you come up to me after the show and you whisper madmen, I'll tell you how it all ends.
Ah, that's tomorrow night.
Only if you come in and you see me.
Okay, you got to come see him tomorrow night at the improv.
That's at 8 p.m.
We'll see you there, Alan.
Okay, people go to improv.com for tickets.
Thanks, Bob.
Thank you.
Thanks, Jimmy.
Great talking to you.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
you Thank you.
Okay, so the Supreme Court upheld the Texas voter ID law.
And when something like this happens in Texas, we call our old buddy Rick Perry.
Hey, Rick, are you there?
Are there?
It's a great day to be a Caucasian.
How can I dirt your call?
You got him.
Hey, it's Jimmy Dorothy.
Yeah, it's Jimmy Dorothy.
Okay.
Everybody, get out.
Just get out.
It's my friend Jimmy.
I want to talk to him in private.
That's why.
Don't you give me that look, Carl.
Okay, I'm here.
How are you, Jimmy?
Governor, if you're busy, I can call you back.
What?
No.
Those bitches were just boring me anyhow.
They're always like, that's illegal, Governor.
You need to cover this up, Governor.
Yawn.
I'd much rather talk to you, Jimmy.
Well, thanks, Governor.
I really appreciate it.
That feels good.
Really?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You don't get to call me governor for long, Jimmy.
What do you mean?
Soon, I'll be just another single fella with his nights free.
Governor, I wanted to ask you about your voter ID law.
Oh, that.
Yeah, you don't sound very excited about the issue at all, buddy.
You don't sound very excited.
Well, you know, it's not really my thing.
Alec told me to pass it, so I did.
Oh, okay.
For our listeners, we should explain that Alec is the American Legislative Exchange Council, which is a consortium of corporations and legislators that get together to strategize the passing of conservative laws in states so they got control of the state legislatures.
Yeah, those guys.
Yeah, those guys.
Can I tell you something, Jimmy?
Those guys are creepy as fuck, okay?
Like at those meetings, we all have to wear robes, and there's all this chanting and like a goat's head on a stick.
I mean, nice bunch of fellas, but seriously, couldn't we go to EPA and like a whale their room over a couple of beers instead of all this sacrifice of urgent stuff?
They sacrifice a virgin?
Look, Jimmy, I'm not really supposed to be talking about this.
They maybe swear an oath of secrecy on Reagan's dick.
I'm sorry.
They have Reagan's dick.
Oh, yeah, sure.
It's right there in a glass jar, all flaccid and roast.
Seriously, Jimmy, I can't.
I can't talk about it.
But yeah, I've definitely seen Ronald Reagan's dick floating in the dark.
I. You know, I can't believe you're saying this.
Anyhow, it's all Supreme Court of Hell or voter whoopy freaking do again, Governor.
You sound like you don't care.
Jimmy, do you know how many brown people there are in this country?
Quite a lot, quite a lot.
And do you know how sexy they are?
I never really thought about it.
All chocolatey or mocha.
Yeah, okay, yeah, okay, I'm with you.
Republicans can't compete with that.
No matter how big the Mormon breeding program is, there are just too many people out there making non-white babies.
Statistically, I think you're right, but I really don't see your point there.
Those people aren't going to vote for us.
This ID thing bought us maybe, you know, 15 more years in power.
After that, who knows?
All out race war, I guess.
Well, governor, if you know that, why do you keep creating these laws that disenfranchise minorities?
This voter ID law, for instance, I mean, why would you do that if it's just going to strengthen the left in a few years anyway?
I don't know.
I guess that's just how we roll, man.
I mean, you might as well ask, why do we keep polluting when it's clearly fucking up the planet?
Hey, man.
We doubled down on demonstrably bad ideas.
I thought, damn.
Well, I don't really disagree with you on that, Governor.
That is your jam.
Look, Jimmy, I got a head.
I'm shopping from a Halloween costume.
Oh, what are you going with Halloween this year?
Oh, man, some of the boys are going to be the bills people.
Okay.
Which one are you?
I think I got sexy fisherman or something.
I don't, never mind.
Hi, Governor.
I'll talk to you.
Keep it fleasy, my brother.
Okay.
Governor Rick Ferry.
There you go.
A sexy, sexy thing.
Thank you.
Hey, what do you think of the new music?
That's all of a sudden, you know, I use GarageBand to put together the show.
And that's the audio editing program that comes with your Macintosh and stuff and what have you.
And all of a sudden, all these extra music things showed up that I can use.
This is called Big Band.
I hope you're enjoying that.
Okay, so we got rid of some of the porno music.
I actually like the porno music.
I really do.
Anyway, so right now, you know what I do here is I thank everybody for thinking about us.
A good way to support our show is if you buy something from Amazon, please go to jimmydoorcomedy.com and click in our Amazon box first.
That'll take you to Amazon.com.
And then when you buy something, they pay us money.
It's just that easy.
It doesn't cost anything, but it sure does help support the show.
So thanks everybody who thinks about us when they buy from Amazon.com.
It really does help support the show.
Doesn't cost you anything.
Doesn't change the way you shop.
Now let's get back to the second half of the show.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
We've got a lot more coming up in the second half.
I'm joined by Frank Conner from Mystery Science Theater 3000, Ted Lyde, Robert Yesamer, and Steph Samurano.
We're talking voter IDs in Texas.
Let's get back to the studio.
So it's pretty clear to me that voter ID laws are not about eliminating voter fraud, but they're about eliminating voters, right?
The party of Lincoln is now making it as hard as possible for the sons and daughters of slaves to vote and participate in democracy.
And, you know, we used to have this thing called the Voting Rights Act in America.
It's called the Voting Rights Act.
And it protected minorities in racist slave states from the majority of racists who controlled the state governments and always tried to block them from voting.
So they could stop them from voting.
They couldn't stop them from voting before because there used to be the Voting Rights Act.
So what they did was the Southern strategy, and that was to get Whitey afraid of Blackie so they'd vote for Republicans, right?
So they demonized them.
Willie Horton, Ronald Reagan called them welfare queens.
So it demonized the poor and the minorities.
And there you go.
That's your southern strategy.
Well, now they don't even have to do that anymore because the Supreme Court said it was cool for them to enact a poll tax, meaning you have to pay to get a voter ID, which they know about half a million people in Texas don't have a voter ID.
So it is a poll tax.
And they don't care.
The Supreme Court said, hey, the Supreme Court struck down Section 4 of the Voting Rights Act in 2012.
And that was that provision of the landmark civil rights law that designates which parts of the country must have changes to their voting laws cleared by the federal government or in federal court because some states obviously were racist towards blacks and they wouldn't let them vote.
They put imperiors in front of them to vote, right?
So what you're saying is that registering to vote is no longer enough to get it done.
No, registering is not.
No, you can't.
You also have to pay money to the government to get a voter ID.
You register to vote, and then you have to go somewhere or through the mail or the internet, pay money.
No, I think you have to show up in person because they have to have a picture of you.
Right.
So it's like the DMV.
You have to show up someplace, get your picture taken, and get a card that says I'm allowed to vote.
Yes.
Right.
But remember, driving is a privilege.
Voting is a right.
Wow.
Well, people like to say that.
Like, people go, hey, I got to show an ID to buy a beer.
I got to show ID to buy beer.
I'm like, well, you know, luckily, buying beer isn't guaranteed in the Constitution.
And it's not like the lynchpin of democracy.
So all of this activity is to prevent a problem that doesn't exist, really.
Voter fraud is not statistically.
It's something that the Republicans have invented, really.
So the Supreme Court said when they overturned the Voting Rights Act, they said that things have changed dramatically in the South in nearly 50 years since the Voting Rights Act signed.
Really, have they?
Turns out they haven't, really, because as soon as they got rid of the Voting Rights Act, they started getting rid of black people to vote.
They started putting poll taxes in.
Well, when I go to vote, and I'm a black guy, and I vote.
So when I go to vote, they don't even want my driver's license when I go to vote.
They ask me what my name is.
Yes.
They ask me what street do I live on.
They find it in the ledger.
They cross it out.
They make me initial it.
Yes.
And then they give me a ballot.
That's it.
And it works every time.
So if some other guy shows up saying, I'm Ted Lydia, I want to vote.
They're like, well, you already voted.
Yeah, Ted, but things have changed in the South, Ted.
I don't know if you know this.
Things have changed so much in the South that they no longer use the Southern strategy.
They just out and out deny rights to the blacks to vote.
It's just crazy.
That's how things have changed.
But the federal government said it was okay.
The federal government, well, the Supreme Court ruled that they weren't going to, they didn't rule on the constitutionality yet of this.
But the reasoning from the Attorney General of Texas is that if they struck down this voter ID law, it would be too close to the election and it would cause confusion for the poll workers.
So even though the Supreme Court didn't give any opinion when they let this voter ID law stand, they didn't give any opinion.
That's what the Texas State Attorney General was arguing, that it was too close to the election to stop this unconstitutional voter ID law because that would cause confusion.
So we have to let this unconstitute.
So the Supreme Court has not weighed in yet whether this voter ID law is constitutional or not.
So but I still get a vote, right?
Wait, you're brown.
No.
As a brown woman.
And by the way, we live in a country where less than 70% of the population even registers to vote.
And of that number, less than 40% of those people vote in non-presidential elections.
So the problem isn't voter fraud.
The problem is voting.
That's not the problem.
Yes.
Republicans claim to be against taxes.
I guess unless it's a poll tax, right?
So the ultimate disenfranchising of the vote was done by the Supreme Court in the election of 2000.
And Republicans seemed cool with that.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So just to lay it out in the open, so they're no longer hiding this.
This is not being hidden.
They're just doing it blatantly.
So here's, I'll play you a couple clips.
Here is a guy.
Here's State Representative Mike Terzai, right?
He's a Republican representative from Pennsylvania.
And here's what he said about voter ID.
Voter ID, which is going to allow Governor Romney to win the state of Pennsylvania.
Done.
Allow.
Allow.
Wow.
That verb says it all.
Yeah, allow, meaning that we're going to suppress the will of the people, and we're going to get our person who we want to be in charge and charge.
We're going to suppress the will of the people.
That's what they're saying.
We're going to undermine democracy.
Okay.
So here's another Republican Party chairman from Pennsylvania.
What do you think all the attention drawn to voter ID affected last year's elections?
Yeah, I think a little bit.
I think we probably had a better election.
Think about this.
We cut Obama by 5%, which was big.
A lot of people outside of that.
He won.
He beat McCain by 10%.
He only beat Romney by 5%.
I think that probably Voter ID had helped a bit in that.
That's the chairman.
That's the chairman of the Pennsylvania Republican Party said that.
So he just said it.
So now, and here's the famous clip of a precinct chairman from North Carolina.
His name is Don Yelton.
He's a Republican precinct captain from North Carolina.
And he was being interviewed by the Daily Show's reporter.
And he was asking Asif Monvy, and they're asking him about the voter ID laws and who is it going to hurt.
The law is going to kick the Democrats in the butt.
So the law is going to kick the Democrats in the butt.
That's what he said.
So then he said, then he goes on to, just in case you weren't sure what he meant.
If it hurts a bunch of lazy blacks, the government gave him everything.
So be it.
If it hurts a bunch of lazy blacks, so be it.
So may it.
A bunch of lazy blacks.
Some of my best friends are a bunch of lazy blacks.
And then so then Asaf says this to him.
So happens that a lot of those people vote Democrat.
Gee.
So there you go.
So they're just saying it blatantly, and the Supreme Court is just like, yeah, I guess that's okay because we're all so racist.
Guess what?
I don't trust the Supreme Court.
Right.
So that's, again, it just goes to show you what Denny Crane said on Boston Legal five years ago is completely true.
That the Constitution says whatever they want it to say.
What do you mean?
How does it say?
Because, well, we rigged the election, which they did.
They get a guy in.
He appoints more people to Supreme Court.
That Supreme Court agrees with whatever he wants them to say, and that's what happened.
They say that corporations are people.
Money is speech.
And now they say that voter IDs are not poll taxes.
Making people pay money to get a voter ID.
So this is, so now here.
So here is how Chris Matthews.
So this is so blatant because this will tip.
This is really going to tip elections, especially in Texas.
It has throughout our history.
As it has throughout our history.
So Ruth Bader Ginsburg in her dissent said that up to 600,000 people in Texas will be disenfranchised from voting.
600,000 is a lot of people that can swing an election.
So that's why this is important.
And that's why this is, they didn't put a voter ID in the Constitution.
Okay.
By the way, there is no voter fraud.
There's none.
The only voter fraud they found in Wisconsin, by the way, was a guy who voted five times for Scott Walker.
Right.
Most of the voter, the little bits of voter fraud you find hither and yon are from lunatic right-wingers.
That's right.
And by the way, this is voter fraud.
Yes.
This passing these laws is voter fraud.
Sure.
Right?
Okay.
So here's how Chris Matthews sees it.
Good evening.
I'm Chris Matthews in Washington.
This is rotten stuff, isn't it?
The Republican effort to kill the black vote in state after state, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, North Carolina, Florida, Texas.
We can all see what they're doing, believing they can't convert the African American vote.
They've decided to slaughter it.
Early voting, shrink it down to nothing or kill it altogether.
Sunday voting, that souls to the polls thing, slam the door on it.
Same-day registration.
You got to be kidding.
That's like putting down a welcome mat for African American voters.
Look, this is murder in broad daylight.
One Republican big shot after another is telling us just exactly what they're up to.
It's not about reform or making elections more honest.
The one thing they're actually honest about, if you catch them at it, is motive.
This whole thing is aimed at killing the African-American vote.
Just listen.
So there you go.
So Chris Matthews, Chris Matthews, by the way, who voted for George Bush and admits it, can see through this and has the balls to say it.
Sure.
Right?
Now, because here's how it was reported on NBC News.
Here we go.
Just two weeks or so before the midterm elections, the Supreme Court issued an order today allowing Texas to use a strict and controversial voter ID law that requires people going to the polls to present photo identifications issued by a government agency.
We'll get more on this tonight from NBC's Kristen Welker.
Now, she says it's controversial.
She doesn't say that, you know, of course, it's obviously discriminating and it's obviously unconstitutional, all these things.
He doesn't say that.
He just throws it to the reporter.
Today's Supreme Court order clears the way for enforcement of a stringent new law in Texas, which means when early voting starts there on Monday, Texans will have to show one of seven forms of government-issued photo identification to cast a ballot.
Okay.
Okay, so she's just laying out the facts of the case.
And now they bring on, they don't bring out an expert.
They don't bring on a judge.
They don't bring on a law professor.
They talk to two regular people.
One of them is a black guy who looks like Ted Lyd.
He does.
He looks like he could be your brother.
He's got a goatee and everything.
And he is, he says this.
He says this.
I mean, I don't see it affecting anyone.
I mean, it's basically they want to make sure that you are the person you are.
So they bring out a black guy who doesn't understand the issue to get his inaccurate and unhelpful comments.
Why is someone with bad information be included in your news story?
Because he said, well, I don't, here's what he says.
Here's what he said.
Let's hear it again what he said.
I want to hear what he said.
I think it's a pretty good law.
I mean, I don't see it affecting anyone.
He doesn't see it affecting anyone.
We know that it's going to affect 600,000 people in Texas alone.
600,000 people in Texas alone are going to be excluded from voting because of this.
So he's uninformed on the facts.
He doesn't even know the facts.
So if you were a journalist, you would have explained that the guy you just gave a microphone to who spewed easily debunkable ideas was extremely misleading as the actual facts of the case contradict what he said.
He's uninformed and inaccurate, but they treat those ideas as just as valid as accurate ideas.
So I wonder why he thinks voter ID isn't a big problem.
Where did he get that idea from?
Maybe he watches the news.
Yeah.
Can I just say, like, anytime you see a man on the street thing about a serious issue, just dismiss that journalist right out of hand.
Because their opinion means nothing.
Let's say anything.
If I wanted to know the opinion on a factual issue from the man on the street, I'd go and ask one.
I'm a man on the street.
Yeah.
I have an opinion.
I don't need someone else's man on the street.
It's just as uninformed as I am.
And by the way, not for nothing, but you know who the man on the street they should interview is?
Homeless guys.
Because homeless guys read the newspaper because they got nothing else to do.
My homeless guy is one of the best informed people I ever met.
So here is the...
That's awesome.
So here is the next person.
But they do two men on the streets.
That guy who was uninformed on the facts, who was black.
So it makes it look like, hey, a black guy's not upset about it.
It's okay with him.
It must be okay.
It must be okay, right?
So then they have a white woman and she comes on.
I mean, it's basically they want to make sure that you are the person you are.
I think it is a partisan trick to try and prevent people from being able to vote, and I'm very, very much against it.
So they bring out a white, obviously a white liberal woman who sees through what this is.
She calls it out accurately, but they first had to put on the black guy who said she's wrong.
So now I guess we'll never know.
Well, also, it makes her look paternalistic.
Yes, it does.
It does make her look.
You're right.
These two characters is a potential Rob-Com.
Let's also point out that this woman had access, the journalists and journalists had access to a LexisNexis account.
She could easily have looked up very credible statistics on what this bill would do.
Yes.
So here, but here's who they didn't.
Here's who they didn't interview.
They didn't include the opinions of, say, I don't know, conservative icon judge Richard Posner, you know, the Reagan-appointed judge.
He was the judge who initially ruled in favor of voter ID in Indiana in 2008, but has since changed his mind because now he says, quote, there is only one reason for imposing burdens on voting, and that is to discourage voting by persons likely to vote against the party responsible for imposing those burdens.
Posner is by far the most widely cited legal scholar of the 20th century, according to the Journal of Legal Studies.
And he's a conservative, and he was appointed by Ronald Reagan, and he has some information that's pretty newsworthy, and they don't include his opinion.
But we did get the guy on the street who doesn't know a goddamn elbow from a hole in the ground.
Thank God they stuck a microphone in his face so we could get some misinformation about the, because God forbid, they debunk the misinformation.
God forbid.
Or who else?
You know who else they could have included in that?
Maybe the opinion of Chris Chris, Charlie Christ from Florida, the governor.
He said the people that worked in Tallahassee felt that early voting was bad.
I heard from Republicans around the state who were bold enough to share with me that you just handed the election to Obama when he okay to early voting.
So too much voting is a bad thing in some people's eyes, right?
So these Charlie Christ from Florida, the governor, he said the people that worked in Tallahassee felt that early voting was bad.
I heard from Republicans around the state who were bold enough to share with me that you just handed the election to Obama when he okay to early voting.
So too much voting is a bad thing in some people's eyes, right?
They could have asked the Republican county chair in Ohio who said, I guess I really actually feel we shouldn't cohort.
We shouldn't corrupt that voting process to accommodate the urban read African American voter turnout machine.
He said that.
So these are these people saying that they know exactly what they're doing.
They're suppressing a certain percentage of the African American vote.
Those people's opinions don't get included in NBCs because NBC goes, ah, some people say this, some people say that.
What's the truth?
I guess we'll never know.
I guess we'll never know.
It's literally a 22-minute broadcast.
So they have very little time to get anyone's opinion in, and they waste it on this guy on the street.
You're exactly right.
So here's who, I'll give you the rest of the, here's the rest of her report on it.
I'll give it to about a minute long.
Supporters of the law say it's necessary to prevent voter fraud.
Texas Attorney General Republican Greg Abbott, who's running for governor, called it a legal and sensible way to protect the integrity of elections.
But opponents argue there have only been two proven cases of voter fraud in the past decade in Texas and say the law is an attempt by Republicans to limit Democratic votes.
What's the truth?
I guess we'll never know.
I guess we'll never know.
The votes, they reported both sides.
The Democrats say this, the Republicans say that.
I guess we'll never know.
They can't help but report every story like this.
This is what the Republicans say.
This is what the Democrats say.
Yeah, but did you do a little maybe journalism and investigate this and tell me what is the truth?
Is this a partisan ploy to suppress the vote of minorities?
Or is this really trying to protect the integrity of the voting?
Is there any voting?
Is there any voter fraud that we have to worry about?
Or isn't there any voter fraud that we have to worry about?
Which is it, NBC News?
I guess we'll never know.
There's a little bit more to this, so I want to be fair to NBC, so I'm going to play the whole thing.
Minority communities in Texas disproportionately don't have those forms of ID.
Texas's voter ID law stands to disenfranchise over half a million registered Texas voters.
The state argued in a Texas courtroom, those numbers are overstated.
So are they overstated or aren't they overstated?
I guess we'll never know.
So they bring out a woman who tells us that those numbers are real.
Then she just repeats talking points from Republicans that say those numbers are overstated.
She doesn't do any investigation or journalism to find out if those numbers are real.
She just gives you, they say it real, they say it's not real.
This is the classic.
Hey, the Cubs played the Dodgers last night.
Cubs said they won.
Dodgers said they won.
I guess we'll never know.
Just a little bit more.
To be fair, I'm going to play the whole thing.
Since 2011, more than a dozen states have passed voter ID laws championed by Republicans.
Texas is one of eight states with the strictest laws requiring voters to show a government-issued photo ID to vote.
While the impact may be minimal, this cycle in Texas, where there are few close races, it could be a different story elsewhere.
Given that voter ID laws affect disproportionately a lot of poor and minority voters, that could end up hurting Democratic candidates if there is a tight race come November.
This is the fourth time in recent weeks the Supreme Court has weighed in on whether new election laws can be used in next month's crucial midterms.
In each case, the court has essentially preserved the status quo.
The court has yet to say whether these new laws are unconstitutional.
A battle yet to come.
Lester?
Kristen Walker, thanks.
Okay, thanks.
Thanks for the only accurate thing she said to that whole piece was Lester.
So now, so now, Ted, what did you want to say?
You know, I was going to say that, you know, I don't have a big problem with this.
And I'm black.
And here's why.
If you look at it for what it really is, it's the white people desperately trying to cling to something that is evaporating.
It's going away.
White people, you just kind of accept.
You want to squeeze this as long as you can?
Go ahead.
But the fact is that the Mexicans are moving up.
The black population in the next.
Yeah.
Mexican population.
So gradually, white people are becoming the minority.
So any way they can skew or try to keep a bare grip on the votes or what little control of democracy, there's a limited window.
So you're saying that you're not so concerned about this because this might be the last time they're able to do it.
It might be the last time.
And even if they do do it, it's going to last, you know, what, maybe another.
But if it, what do you know, what if it turns the Senate?
You know, what if what if that's the thing that turns the Senate?
You know, what if it's not?
Well, and that's the thing that we've discovered over and over again is that these little incremental moments when Republicans get into power, especially on the state level, is that they use that to continue to consolidate power.
So what they've done in the past is they've gerrymandered, which is they're doing it when they're just.
When there's only six white people left in America, what difference is any of that going to make when it is what it is?
I agree with you on that, but I'll feel like you feel when we get to that point.
Right now, it's really going to make a difference.
I also would like to point out something, which is when Republicans pass insane legislation, you know, it is really hard to undo a law.
It is really hard to unring a bell.
And so when these create damage that is long-term.
Even long after the white majority is history in this country, there will be laws in the books written by insane Republicans that will be very hard to undo.
Yeah, and these rulings like Citizens United and this, it's all kind of sort of designed to create a state of apartheid in America.
Yes.
You know, where you can give the corporations or people, they can spend unlimited money and bury opposition, and they can keep the white, which will perhaps soon be the white minority.
They can keep them in power.
And that's, I think, kind of the whole point of all this.
Yes, I also think that, you know, if you're just looking at the makeup of Congress, it doesn't reflect the diversity of the United States whatsoever.
And I think that's my deeper concern.
And, you know, if we go, you know, I can't believe that it's 2014 and we're not allowed to cast a ballot for an entire week on really important issues and that they're taking away access to voting.
And I still, I really do worry about all the absentee ballots.
You never ever hear of any results about the absentee ballots, how they're figured in.
And for goodness sake, when are we going to change the Electorate College?
The Electoral College.
The Electoral College.
When are we going to do that?
How many?
Never.
Never.
Because it serves power.
That's why.
Somehow it serves power.
That's why they keep it.
And let me just say, this Republican idea that there's voter fraud.
Oh, yeah.
That's convenient.
All the kids today are doing it.
Hey, for shits and giggles, let's go and pretend to be somebody else and vote.
You know, I've got nothing better to do.
You know, kids.
So this is.
I just want to be fair, though.
If the Texas law was overturned, then black people would show up to the polls and then white people would be disenfranchised because who wants to go to someplace where they're black?
A lot of black people.
I understand.
It's a really uncomfortable feeling having to be in a room with black people.
If Planet of the Apes has taught me anything, us against them will only take you so far.
That's racist.
It may be.
It may be.
But the point I'm making is that, you know, Charlton Heston thought he had a grip on things.
And then one day he woke up and everything he thought, every law that was passed to favor him, didn't matter anymore.
Music Hey, there's a lot more to our discussion about voter ID law in Texas.
In fact, we learned what Japanese man Robert Yasumura learned from Planet of the Apes.
Seems straightforward, also hilarious.
Plus, what else is coming up in the premium content this week?
Well, Bill O'Reilly calls in and he wants to not allow certain people to vote women.
And why is that, Bill?
Men are better voters because they have basic common sense that comes from having a penis.
Bill, I really, I failed to see.
Don't interrupt me, Dorr.
I was about to say that women, on the other hand, are too flaky and flighty to vote.
There's a very scientific reason for this.
Well, what is that reason, Bill?
I couldn't get dates in high school.
Democracy has suffered as a result.
My basic point is that women are too emotional.
Yeah, Bill, if I can, listen, if I can just ask you, please, I want to.
I said, don't interrupt me, Jimmy.
So anyway, what I meant about emotional women is you don't have the facts to back you up on.
Shut up, Dora, just shut up.
I won't stand for you not letting me make my point about women being emotional.
But it's insulting to say that, Bill.
What's the matter with you?
Shut up.
Why don't you just shut up?
How am I supposed to pontificate on the overly emotional state of women if you won't shut the fuck up?
Fuck your mouth.
Bill, Bill, I'm only saying.
Shut up.
Okay, so you got that happening in the premium content.
So there's a lot of stuff happening.
And how do you get the premium content?
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, you click on premium, you make your $5 a month donation.
That's all it is.
$5 a month.
And then you get access to all the premium content.
Isn't that fantastic?
And if you pay for the whole year up front, $5 a month times 12, that would be $60.
We're going to give you, we're going to save you five bucks.
If you pay for the whole year at once, it's only $55.
And you're supporting the show, which is the important thing.
That's how you let us know.
You make sure a show like this is around for you.
We use humor to talk about the things that are screwing us over.
So that's a good way to support the show.
You become a premium member.
Go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com, make your donation.
Thanks, everybody who does that, who means everything to us.
Okay.
And if you have make a donation and you haven't gotten your passcode, send me an email at my old timey email, jimmydoor at earthlink.net, and I'll get right back to you and we'll set you up.
Okay.
All right.
Don't forget, I'm going to have a link for tickets for the, I'm taping the special, the next hour special we're doing.
And I think we're going to call it Just Like Hitler.
And we're doing that November 7th, November 7th.
That's a Friday night at the El Portel Theater in North Hollywood.
And I'll have a link for tickets starting this Monday up at the website.
Okay.
So that's a 9.30 show.
And that's El Portel Theater, North Hollywood, November 7th.
We'll see you there for the new taping.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Robert Yasimura, Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuitt, and Steph Zamarano.
And our announcer at the top of the show, I don't often mention, but it's our good friend, Ron Lynch.
Ron Lynch introduces the show every week.
Okay.
And don't forget, tonight I'll be up at the Brazil Art House in Santa Barbara.
That's tonight, October 25th.
And November 6th, that's a Thursday.
I'm going to be in Ventura telling jokes in Ventura.
So if you're around that area, November 6th, that's a Thursday.
I'm going to be doing previewing my hour special up there.
So go to jimmydoorcomedy.com for links and info on those dates, okay?
That's it for this week.
That's right.
Hey, today, until next week, this is Jimmy Dore saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
I can attest to her not being a guy sitting next to her.
She's not a guy.
She's totally not.
You don't know if she has a dick or not.
But that has become the colloquial.
I've seen women call other women hi guys.
They'll sing to a table like a waitress will come over to a table full of women and go, Hi, can I get you guys anything?
What the fuck?
How does that how about can I get you ladies anything?
High electric company.
That's what did it.
Did they start doing that?
Because the electric company started everywhere thing with hey you guys!
No, it's not the electric company.
▲
Export Selection