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July 26, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Two new movies opened this week, Woody Allen's latest, Magic in the Moonlight, and Luke Besson's Lucy.
And the first, a 1920s magician played by Colin Firth, tries to expose a younger, hotter, sexier medium, Emma Stone, as a fraud.
She's been bilking multi-millionaires out of money by masquerading as a seer into the future by claiming to communicate with the dead.
So, in Allen's story, Inrush is the world's most successful magician to make sure the incredibly wealthy don't become slightly less wealthy.
That's the Woody Allen version of speaking truth to power.
He's comforting the quite comfortable, thank you.
In Lucy, Scarlett Johansson plays an American student in Taipei who gets involved with some dangerous Koreans.
She's forced to take some drugs, which unlock the keys to the brain.
Eventually, she's able to use 100% of her brain.
In the movie, we're told the rest of us mere mortals only use 15% of our brains.
Morgan Freeman tells us this, so we know it's true.
It's really depressing to think we only use 15% of our brains, but then again, that's 15 times more brain power than Louie Gomert and Michelle Malkin combined.
I liked Lucy a lot, though it's based on fake science, which should appeal to climate change deniers like Gomert, Malkin, and their about the only realistic part of Lucy is that if someone were to use 100% of their brain, it would probably be Scarlett Johansson, a Jew.
Which brings me to Israel's war in Gaza.
Just kidding.
It's impossible to have a conversation in America about Israel right now without sounding like an anti-Semitic, self-hating Jew.
And if you ever say if, on the other hand, then you're suddenly a secret Hama sympathizer.
I just want the conflict to end so we can go back to talking about fun stuff like who shot down that plane.
Both movies, Lucy and Magic in the Moonlight, are kind of about science in the Woody Allen movie.
Wait, I would like to remind everyone that Woody Allen's real name is Alan Stewart Konigsberg.
Woody doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to change his name to one less Jewish sounding, but he did, and it didn't work.
Anyway, the movie is about debunking pseudoscience.
That's Colin Firth's mission to expose Emma Stone as a fraud.
But even though the movie is set 85 years ago, we still have science and reality frauds running around making laws and influencing people.
Hell, the reality deniers are running the modern Republican Party.
For example, in Arizona this week, the state executed Joseph R. Wood III.
He's a particularly terrible sort, not the kind of man who warrants our sympathy.
He killed his ex-girlfriend and her dad in 1989.
But the barbarism of capital punishment has managed to evoke some sympathy for this horrible man because Arizona botched his execution.
The secret drug cocktail they administer.
Yeah, it's a secret.
How is that possible?
Anyway, the secret cocktail took one hour and 57 minutes to kill him, or longer than a World Cup game that doesn't go to extra time.
An eyewitness reporter for the Arizona Republic called it death by apnea.
He said Wood was making a sucking sound like when a swimming pool filter starts taking in air.
He said Wood opened his mouth at least 640 times.
But the anti-reality camp says what?
Says it went fine, well even.
And they're backed up by what appears to be the most incompetent medical team this side of Dr. Nick Riviera.
And the Arizona Attorney General, he saw fit not to comment.
But his spokesperson, a woman named Stephanie Grisham, who should never be believed by any reporter again as long as she lives, said this.
This was my first execution, and I was surprised how peaceful it was.
Oh my God.
Peaceful.
When reality gets this disrespected, it's no wonder we love the movies.
Nice job.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for up-minded, lowly-livered lapis.
The kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to your TV.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I am joined in the studio next to me, hilarious guy, my buddy, the host of Turner Classic Movies.
It's Ben Mankowitz.
Ben, you were tearing it up in San Francisco last week.
You were very funny.
It was funny to do that.
You were on.
It was great.
It was fun.
I appreciate you showing up and being funny.
Cross the glass from me, the author of Morning Remembrance, hilarious obituaries of real dead people.
It's Ham Radio's Jim Earl.
Hey, Jim.
Hey.
Next to him, hilarious comedian host of Comedy and Everything Else, it's our resident Latina, Steph Zamorano.
Hi, Steph.
Hello, Jimmy.
Nice to hear your voice.
Next to him, a hilarious comedian from Team Yasamur.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you?
The better for your asking, Jimmy.
Okay, now.
Who's on the phone?
On the phone, we have from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank, Frank Connip.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay.
All right, let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Okay.
Okay, I've cleared my schedule, and I'm finally ready to focus on the World Cup.
Somebody get me up to speed.
It ended.
I'm sorry to tell you, Jimmy.
Oh, I missed it.
Yeah.
Son of a gun.
It's all right.
Four years.
Don't worry about it.
Coming back.
I'll take a nap.
Hey, by the way, did you hear two Florida police officers recently were linked to the KKK?
Yeah.
You mean a gun-toting racist in Florida?
Never expected that.
Oh, by the way.
Hey, I love my country.
I know you love your country.
I love my country, and I'm proud to be an American.
So I think I'm going to go to the border and yell at some distressed children.
Anybody with me?
Hey, you know, it's weird when it comes to the idea of love thy neighbor.
Many conservative Christians want a religious exemption from loving thy neighbor.
Top that ticket.
That's right.
Hey, by the way, Rick Perry's sending national troops to the border to stop the 21st century from entering Texas.
Hey, I don't know if you know today was Batman Day.
Batman Day, so please take some time out of your day to turn something that was once fun into a heavy, pretentious slog.
Holy punchline.
Cingo.
Take that, Christopher Dolan.
looping door.
Hey, I don't know if you heard about the...
It didn't go so far.
I say it took two hours to kill this guy.
And I say a lethal injection that takes two hours has no place in a civilized society.
And it shouldn't happen in Arizona either.
They're not civilized.
These are all great jokes.
You know, Jimmy, any lethal injection that is longer than two hours.
Oh, I forgot my joke.
Okay.
We'll come back.
That guy could have drunk himself to death in that time.
Hey, you want to hear some news from the world that won't impact anyone anywhere ever?
Sure.
Michelle Bachman's going to run for President in 2016.
Of what?
I'm not sure.
Hey, by the way, did you hear that?
Go ahead.
I'm sorry, Jimmy.
I just found out that you know why that lethal injection took so long?
No, why?
It was directed by Judd Appeta.
I need to see more movies to get that thing out.
His movies have been long waiting.
Oh, okay.
Again, I got to get back in the theater.
Yeah, lethal injection that lasts longer than it takes to write an Adam Sandler script is in Godfather Part 2.
Michael Carliou said: if there's one thing history taught us, it's that you can kill anyone unless you're in Arizona.
It's in the director's cut.
They left that in.
Yeah.
Hey, did you hear that the Appeals Court, Federal Appeals Court, just ruled against Obamacare subsidies for lower-income people?
Yeah.
They just said it's unconstitutional for lower-income people to get sick and be treated for their illnesses.
That's pretty much what happened.
And you know, the only thing on TV that offends Ted Cruz more than true blood, I don't know if you heard he went nuts about that, true blood.
Ted Cruz had a big problem with it.
And the only thing on TV that offends Ted Cruz more than that true blood is images of Americans getting affordable health care.
Am I right?
And you know, Obamacare now covers 10.3 million uninsured people, previously uninsured.
Yes.
But I say tax dollars paying for their emergency room visits, what's much better spent.
Good old days.
I bet the, and then there's also news that even though with those 10 million people previously uninsured, now insured, there is news that many folks continue to suffer from lack of health care, and that's putting a real spring in the step of the GOP.
And can I just say corporations who need corporations are the luckiest corporations in the world.
All right.
Those are great jokes written by Frank Connoff.
Coming up on Francis.
Coming up on today's show, we're going to talk about Israel.
We're going to talk about a lot of other stuff.
We got phone calls and the bad media coverage of it.
And we're going to talk, we got phone calls from John Kerry.
We got a phone call from Mel Gibson.
We got a phone call from Harrison Ford.
Harrison Ford.
Schwarzenegger, Schwarzenegger, Bibi Nutanyahoo, and a lot lot more.
That's today on The Jimmy Dore Show.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
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So we've all seen the fun that's happening over in the Israel and the Gaza Strip, and I say fun meaning horror.
And the thing was, it's very hard to understand because it's very complicated.
And I just want to try to break it down.
So if you listen to this show, you'll know kind of what the heck is happening over there.
And there's some interesting, funny things that I found out.
For instance, if you just watch the mainstream media, like most people, you wouldn't really know what's going on over there.
For instance, you would think that, oh, all of a sudden, Hamas started bombing Israel, and then Israel had to respond.
That's really what happened.
Or you might think, hey, the Palestinians kidnapped some Israeli kids and killed them.
And then they had to retaliate.
I mean, you wouldn't really, you would think that was the reason or maybe the...
So, but that does, it isn't, turns out what's really happening.
First of all, there's an occupation happening.
Well, here's how it's been framed by the mainstream media.
Here's Matt Miller from our favorite left, right, and ridiculous, or as I like to call it, it's actually called left, right, and center.
I call it left, right, right, and right.
And today, so here's how Matt Miller from Left, Right, and Center framed it.
I mean, doesn't Israel have to you, no, no country can tolerate like these hundreds of missiles coming in and folks tunneling in through the border.
Didn't they have to do this?
Okay, there you have it.
Didn't they have to do this?
Didn't they have to start bombing civilians?
That's what Matt Miller, a grown-up person, just said on public radio.
Didn't Israel have to start shelling a defenseless people in their homes with no Air Force?
No, they don't even have bomb shelters.
They don't have bomb shelters.
They don't have an air defense warning system like Israel does.
They don't have the Iron Dome.
They don't have an air.
They have nothing.
So when you do that, when you launch missiles at someone who can't defend themselves, that's called murder.
That's not called a war.
When you're bombing hospitals and children, that's called murder.
So Matt Miller says, doesn't Israel have to murder a couple of innocent people, a couple, a couple of hundred innocent people?
Don't they have to do this?
And his rationale is, I mean, if a country was bombing us, well, here's his rationale right from his mouth.
I just don't, Byron, I just, the idea that this is all dozens of missiles, hundreds of missiles are being provoked by Israel and that what?
I guess Bob thinks it shouldn't be trying to stop that.
I don't know how any, I don't know how any leadership of any country could talk.
You know, if Canada were lobbying missiles at us I think we'd be trying to stop it.
Okay, and that is Matt Miller pretending that history started last week.
That's exactly what he's doing.
He's pretending history, hey, they started lobbying missiles for absolutely no reason.
Oh, you mean there's an occupation that's been happening for 30 years, that Israel has been occupying Gaza and the West Bank, that they're trying to drive them out of their own land.
You mean that's been happening?
So what has really started the fighting this time, right?
So you're not going to hear it from Matt.
That is unbelievable, that framing.
What's Israel supposed to do?
How about you stop occupying someone else's land?
How about you give them access to having a real economy?
So what's happening is you have the Palestinians in Gaza, 1.7 million people, this little strip of land, and they have only two ways in or out.
They don't let them have an economy.
This is all true, right?
So they would dug these tunnels into Egypt, and they would get goods in and out of Egypt.
Well, that's when the Muslim Brotherhood was running Egypt, but they're not anymore.
So the people, the Muslim Brotherhood, they were very sympathetic to Hamas, which is the ruling party of the Palestinians in Gaza.
Okay.
So I know this gets complicated, but I'm trying to break it down as easy as possible.
Well, guess what?
So when the military coup happened in Egypt, the new government, not so friendly to Hamas.
So they cut off those tunnels.
And so now they can't get any goods.
They can't get essential goods through their tunnels from Egypt into Gaza.
So now they're dying over there.
And then they started to do a unity government.
So there's two parts of the Palestinian government.
There's the Fatah and the Hamas.
Long story short, they came together.
It's a long story, believe me, but they came together recently.
And part of that agreement was that the civil servants in Gaza were supposed to be being paid by the unity government.
Well, they weren't.
So they're not paying anybody.
So they're not allowed to have an economy.
The tunnels got cut off that were bringing goods and services in through from Egypt.
Those got cut off.
They are not paying their civil servants.
So that's the big deal.
So Hamas is between Iraq and a hard place.
And they go, well, you know, this is untenable.
This occupation, us not being allowed to have an economy.
It's an apartheid state.
They're also not allowed to build new towns or anything like that.
So it's a horrible situation over there.
And then a guy like Matt Miller and the rest of the media, by the way, acts like history started yesterday.
And they say.
The idea that this is all something that dozens of missiles, hundreds of missiles are being provoked by Israel and that it what?
I guess Bob thinks it shouldn't be trying to stop that.
I don't know how any leadership of any country could, you know, if Canada were lobbying missiles at us, I think we'd be trying to stop it.
Okay, here's why that's a stupid thing to say.
Because Gaza is not Canada.
Gaza is not its own country.
They're not allowed to be their own country.
They don't have their own air force.
Okay.
They don't have anything.
They don't even have their own economy.
All right.
They are being occupied.
If America was occupying Canada and they started missiling us, then maybe that would be a better analogy.
But until then, that is dumb.
It's misleading.
You're repeating right-wing talking points on NPR.
And the fact that you're a grown-up who thought you could be in Congress and you don't have the thinking skills to break that down, to repeat that garbage that history started yesterday or last week.
That's the reason.
How are they supposed to?
Yeah, if we were occupying Canada for 30 years and we didn't let their people have a life or an economy, yeah, they would probably start doing stuff.
So it's extremely complicated.
And when you hear stuff like that all over the mainstream media, including NPR right here in Los Angeles, by the host of a show, he's supposed to be in the middle.
That's the guy in the middle.
What do you mean?
Israel hasn't Israel have to kill a few hundred innocent people who have absolutely no defense against their missiles?
Isn't that how they, when you're occupying someone, don't you also bomb them?
Way to go, Matt Miller.
That's some great thinking.
So to sum up, what's happening right now is Israel is occupying the Gaza Strip and the West Bank.
There's some in strife.
There's strife inside the Palestinians' own political parties between the Fatah and the Hamas.
And they, again, they're not allowed to have an economy in the Gaza Strip.
They cut off the tunnels.
And all of a sudden, after they started form this unity government with Fatah and Hamas, for some reason, nobody's paying the civil servants.
And Hamas finds this untenable.
So what do they do?
The only thing they can do, they send rockets off to Israel, which most of them get caught in the Iron Dome.
And so here's a funny thing.
What I said about funny things, here's something I learned about those payments that was, you go, Jimmy, is that really what this is about?
That's really what started the fighting this time.
That's really what started.
Like things got so horrible in the Gaza Strip that Hamas was like, hey, there's nothing for us to do except do this.
Okay.
And so here, I found this out.
Well, it turns out there was a deal to get the money to Hamas to pay their civil servants.
There was a deal.
And Qatar or Qatar, however you say it, I'd like to say Qatar because it sounds like a guitar and I like guitars.
But you could also say Qatar.
Connor was going to pay.
They gave money.
They gave hundreds of millions of dollars to a thing called Arab Bank.
And that was supposed to go to pay the salaries of some 44,000 Hamas civil servants.
And those civil servants employed by Hamas in Gaza since its takeover of the Gaza Strip in 2007, they were rendered jobless by the unity agreement with FATA last month.
So they're not, there's no pay.
So that's not, but Qatar had sent hundreds of million dollars, but that money was never processed by Arab Bank and delivered to Hamas.
Why?
Because it said, according to the source that told the Times of Israel, due to pressure from America, who consider Hamas a terror organization.
So they told the bank, Arab Bank, don't deliver that money from Qatar to Hamas Because we don't want, so that's making this worse.
That is what's making.
So, again, I know this sounds complicated, but is it?
And you're going, that can't be the reason, Jimmy.
That is the reason.
I'm telling you right now, that's the reason.
And by the way, Abu Marzouk, former Hamas prime minister and former Hamas Prime Minister Ismail Hanaya, have cited the financial crisis as a central factor in the current violent flare-up, harshly criticizing the Palestinian Authority and Abbas for neglecting to pay Gaza's civil servants as stipulated by a unity agreement signed with Fatah in Cairo in May 2012.
Hamas has demanded Hamas had demanded okay, Hamas had demanded the transfer of salaries as a condition for a ceasefire with Israel in the conflagration known in Israel as Operation Protective Edge that has been raging in the last week.
So they, this was what they really want.
They want, can you help us have a life, have a society?
We need to pay our civil servants that was supposed to be taken care of in the agreement with the unity government.
It's not happening.
So there's a split in the Palestinian people between Hamas and Farah, and Israel is wanting to ramp that up.
And that's what this is all about.
Okay, so I know.
I'm just so, and again, United States steps in.
They don't want money to go to Hamas.
Okay.
But guess who gave me a phone call?
I got a phone call from BB.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who is this?
Because this is BB tonight.
Prime Minister?
And no one's going to save you from a gun offensive in Gaza.
Mr. Prime Minister, is this you, Mr. Prime Minister, Benjamin?
Jimmy, you're on with BB Eated Gaza Nephim Yo.
Okay.
You know, I'm really surprised that you're calling me with everything that's happening right now.
It's kind of surprising to get this call from you.
I know, it's crazy.
But when I got my war thing going on, I am so much more productive.
I catch up on phone calls.
I cleaned out the tchotchki drawer.
I went to the post office.
Okay, well, I guess those are good things.
I tell you, when I'm not killing Palestinians, I get up in the morning and it's all so overwhelming.
Like just picking up the dry cleaning.
And I'm like, ah, I can't handle that.
Can we get back to the war part just for a second?
Can we keep talking about a phone call with Bibi without talking war on civilians would be like Hamlet without Hamlet.
Especially before Hamlet goes extra and kills a bunch of civilians.
Okay, listen, I'm really surprised to hear you describe this war as killing civilians.
You know, that's what the haters are always going to say.
Yeah.
So you got to own it, man.
Uh-huh.
Like the unpleasant woman who gets a bumper sticker that says, I can go from zero to bitch in 10 seconds.
Okay.
I've seen those pumpper cycles, okay?
They're funny.
But you're killing civilians.
You're killing civilians.
Come on, Jimmy.
What?
What do you mean?
Come on.
Come on.
Don't be that guy.
What guy?
What are you talking about?
The guy who's like, I can't stop cleting about this one thing.
It was kind of a big thing, Mr. Prime Minister.
I mean, the Palestinian death toll is over, I don't know, 630 people now with over 4,000 injuries.
692.
Hey, Eichmann, we got over 30 dead civilians here.
Okay, well, I definitely think that's horrible, but it seems just a little bit different.
It seems a little disproportional.
If we have a higher score, like if the Yankees played your kids' little league team, guess who wins that game?
Okay, so, but why civilians?
Why are you killing civilians?
We bombed the caca, the civilians, and maybe hit a few Hamas fighters.
But now the civilians know we should not let Hamas rent that apartment.
Because then the apartment building is going to blow up.
Okay, has that ever worked?
Ever what?
I mean, the thing you're describing where you overwhelm the civilian populations where Hamas might be.
Has that ever worked?
You have to explain to me what you mean by war.
What are you doing?
Okay.
Has it ever stopped attacks from Hamas for any length of time?
That's what I would mean.
What are you even talking about?
You might as well ask, what is the point of this dance?
The dance has no points.
But when the music plays, you fucking dance.
Well, what about the two-state solution?
I mean, you know, hey, Secretary Kerry is there right now.
Oh, God, I know.
That man is so fucking boring.
Seriously, the next time you guys send Kerry here, I'm sending you my eighth-grade math teacher.
See how you like it.
Okay.
Well, you know, actually, that sounds fair to me, actually.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I meant I was going to bomb your country with thousands of eighth-grade math teachers.
Okay.
Well, that doesn't make any sense at all, Mr. Prime Minister.
No sense at all.
Or maybe it makes too much sense.
Okay, listen, Phoebe, I appreciate it.
I got to go, buddy.
Thanks for talking.
Yeah, me too.
I got to go kill a bunch more civilians.
Okay, then.
Shalom, you fuckbag anti-Semite.
Come on.
I have to go figure out whether my accent is Russian, South American, or Yiddish.
Okay, that was BB.Yahoo.
Wow.
Okay, tough situation to laugh about, but Mike McRae making everything hilarious.
Hey, guess what?
Right now is the time I thank everybody for helping support the show by using our Amazon.com link over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
It's a great way to help support the show.
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We got a lot of great stuff coming up in the second half.
Bunch of phone calls.
We got a call from Arnold Schwarzenegger.
That's right.
Arnie Faulknager's calling.
We got Mel Gibson phone calls.
We got Harrison Ford is calling.
Rick Perry.
There's a lot happening in the second half.
Plus, we explain a little bit more about what's happening in the Gaza Strip.
And that's it.
Hey, by the way, I want to say thanks to Sean James, who helps take care of my computer, and he can help take care of yours too.
So if you've got a Macintosh and you want to get it fixed, he can fix it for you right over the internet.
You send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And you spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
Okay, let's get to the second half of the Jimmy Door show coming up in the second half.
We're going to talk a little bit more about how the media was covering the Gaza Strip.
I want to talk about how the media was covering it a little bit more.
And I also, we're going to get the little of this.
We're going to have phone calls from Arnold Schwarzenegger.
That's right, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson.
That's right.
Mel Gibson calls in today.
Who else?
Peter King, Representative Peter King is going to call in.
And I think we have a few more things.
Oh, Jim Earl is going to read one of his funny obituaries of real dead people.
And that's so that's coming up in the second half.
But right now, let's get to, how about a phone call?
Our phone call from Rick Perry.
We'll be right back.
Hey there, Jimmy.
This is your little toodle, Rick Perry.
Governor of Texas.
Did you see me call for the National Guard to come protect America from brown children surrendering to immigration authority?
To Republicans, it makes me look butch.
I discover that when I, as governor, blame everything that happens in my state on the president, it makes me look presidential.
After I called for the National Guard to guard the border, I found out they're all of the Middle East guarding the borders there.
I know the Middle East had an immigration problem, too.
That's not all I'm doing.
I'll be swearing people in as deputy sheriffs to patrol the border because that's one thing Texas needs more of.
Deputy Sheriff.
We'll be arming them all with AK-47 so they can shoot the kiddies before they turn themselves in.
We got a line of guys already.
Would I rather walk around with a gun protecting America from potential future Americans or spend the summer sitting on the porch fanning my soggy sack?
Don't think I'm not compassionate.
I feel for these people.
It may be your genetic coding to be an illegal immigrant, but you can choose to be an immigrant or not.
We can't be having these tired and poor people wanting to be free, trying to escape oppression.
That's not what America's about.
That's against everything America stands for.
I mean, think about it.
These infants could be in gangs.
Have you ever seen Bugsy Malone?
I just love musicals.
Musicals at hand with cream on everybody's face.
Jesus Christ.
Jimmy, why don't you return my phone calls?
Are you still angry about what I said in San Fran?
All I said is that you can choose to be gay or not.
It's a choice.
You can choose.
Jimmy, for you, my southern border is still open, if you know what I mean.
Just putting it out there.
Okay, baby blue eyes.
It's time for my nitric oxide lunch.
Sweet America American.
All right, that's Rick Perry.
Oh, I love when he calls now.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
One thing I plan to tell my grandchildren is: yes, at one time, there was a real-life bond villain, and his name was Rupert Murdoch.
And if you don't behave, he will steal your soul while you're sleeping.
Yes, like all great capitalists, Rupert Murdoch's most subtle and dangerous attribute comes down to a single lie, that they are for competition.
In point of fact, they are for competition when they are fighting uphill.
But once they have the hill, they want all the competition to cease immediately, like good capitalists.
Witness Murdoch's recent bid to purchase Time Warner, a move I would liken to buying all the other little league teams that play against your kid.
FYR, your kid is never going to get good at baseball that way, but he will be a huge dick about being the best.
Ironically, Murdoch already owns the single largest media empire of all time.
At the same time, the people who watch Fox News are claiming the media is a Jewish conspiracy.
Murdoch would not be making this bid if he was not fairly certain that both the Federal Communications Commission and the Securities and Exchange Commission would okay the deal, which they likely will, because the SEC and FCC care about the well-being of the American consumer about as much as a post office employee cares about everyone's happiness.
The point I'm making here is that the federal regulators are super shitty at their jobs and should all go fuck themselves.
I know it's a subtle point, but I think you got it.
Also, the U.S. Congress, who systematically defunded and defanged federal regulators for the past 30-plus years with almost no internal pushback.
Well, if Dante were still alive, he'd have to design a brand new circle of hell just for those guys.
And consumers should be horrified by the mere prospect of such a deal.
After all, we're all in a golden age of television right now, specifically because television is no longer run by only three entities.
Both comedian Bill Maher and Financial Times columnist John Gaper have recently made this point.
And if you're not outraged, I would offer you a trip into the Wayback Machine to a Tuesday night not so long ago in the past when your viewing options on television consisted of Joni Loves Chachi or Small Wonder.
It's surprising that we all didn't read more.
In the end, though, Murdoch is likely sowing the seeds of his company's demise.
Seems impossible, I know, but witness the record industry, if you will.
There was a time not long ago when the record industry was the most openly corrupt wing of entertainment.
The cost of records was largely fixed through collusion, and the radio was just a de facto marketing arm of the record companies.
Then along came the internet.
And with consumers finally armed with a tool against the music industry, the backlash was swift and profound, destroying many companies and leaving a few husks left standing.
The cat is out of the bag.
Consumers have other options, and the market will continue to create more options.
A company such as Fox trying to control what you watch will face a horrific backlash.
Yes, perhaps they will have shows which win their time slot, but winning will mean an even smaller sliver of the population than it does now.
The rest of the market will be watching hundreds of other programs or movies via dozens of media, both legal and illegal.
Of course, that doesn't mean that Murdoch can't and won't do a good job buggering the American consumer pretty hard in the meantime, which, if you imagine, Murdoch's sex face is a real nightmare.
That's it.
Yay!
Yay!
I'm Sandra Singlo for NPR.
Coming up Monday, part one of a three-part report about whether NPR has lost touch with the American people.
And after that, friend of the show and author Tom Janik will stop by with a copy of his latest book, The Gay Vegan Chef's Guide to a Healthier Revolution.
Music by Ben Thede On the phone, we have Congressman Peter King.
Oh, wait a minute.
Let's make this breath.
I wanted to ask you about Obama's fault.
Okay, I haven't asked you anything.
Now you're deaf.
It's Obama's fault.
Okay, well, let's take what's happening in Israel, for instance, Mr. King.
Israel has a right to defend itself.
But how about Palestinians, Peter King?
Do Palestinians have a right to defend themselves?
That's the bigger question, I think.
Of course not.
What are you baddy?
No, I'm not badder.
You get that?
Yeah, I got it.
I'm not baddy.
Okay.
Israel needs to go into Gaza and close those tunnels that threaten that country.
Well, as I understand it, because of the blockade, Palestinians use those tunnels to bring in regular commerce for regular goods.
That's what they're using the tunnels for.
Well, why don't they do what everybody else does and use Amazon?
Okay, listen, Mr. King.
What about the Malaysian airline that was shot down over the Ukraine?
Obama needs to stand up to Puke.
We need to send in troops to secure the scene of the crash.
Why do we need to do this?
Secure the scene of the crash.
Why?
We got half an America today.
Outrageous.
The bodies were moved.
He should have left them there.
Why is that a problem?
They move the bodies.
Obama should call for sanctions against coroners.
What?
I don't want you to watch the World Cup anyway.
He's just a bunch of fucking foreigners.
Okay.
I still don't understand how any of this is Obama's fault.
We don't want Russians to separate this.
You're rebels.
That's our job.
You don't want them?
Okay, but I wait a minute.
You're saying you don't want the Russia to supply guns to the rebels.
You're saying that that's our job?
Okay, now I see what you're saying.
Okay, ready?
This whole mass in the Ukraine.
The world can't stand by and let a superpower illegally invade sovereign nations over our own.
Actually, I think we can.
What about, could you tell me what about what's happening in Iraq?
Well, obviously, we need to become more involved militarily.
Conflict between the sunnies and the shitties.
I don't think you're saying that right.
I am.
No, you're not.
No, you're not.
You're not a GOP congressman, but shoot his mouth off without knowing what he's talking about.
Well, now that you.
That's a ding-a-ling.
America's losing prestige in the world.
What?
What do you mean by that?
Prestige.
What?
I said prestige.
Instead of wearing a torpedo tails and a monocle, we're wearing a flannel shirt and sandals for the world stage.
So what you're saying is that the conflicts in Iraq and Israel and the Malaysian airline in the Ukraine wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for President Obama.
That's what you're saying.
I'll tell you one thing.
If we Republicans were still in power, we would have had invaded Malaysia already.
Okay.
We've been speaking with Congressman Peter King, who has been telling us.
It's Obama's fault.
Okay.
I got my new show on Fox News starting September 3rd.
It's Obama's fault with Blake.
Okay, that was Rodney Represented Peter King.
Wow.
Thank you.
Bye.
And so we were talking in the first half of the show about Israel, Gaza, the stuff that you're not hearing in the mainstream media about what's really happening and how funny the mainstream media is framing things.
For instance, say, what choice did Israel have to do, but the innocent...
But his name is Ayman Mohyeldin.
Mohiyeldin.
So anyway, he's an NBC news correspondent, and he's getting it done.
You know, he speaks the language.
He's familiar with the culture.
And so he was an NBC news correspondent, and he personally witnessed the killing by Israel of four Palestinian boys on a Gazan beach.
And he has received widespread praise for his brave and innovative courage.
Coverage of the conflict.
After he reported that, I mean, he really reported it, right?
So he went and he showed the one boy go into surgery.
He wasn't saved.
So it really put a face on it.
And NBC didn't.
So I guess they took a lot of heat for it, what have you.
NBC executives pulled him out of Gaza.
This is true.
Pulled him up.
He pulled the reporter out of Gaza because the reporter was reporting what was happening.
Because he was reporting, yes.
And it didn't frame the picture that they necessarily wanted.
No.
So this is from Glenn Greenwald.
He reported this.
Media attention in Gaza yesterday focused on a sudden Israeli artillery strike that killed four children as they played on the beach in front of numerous journalists.
One of those reporters, NBC's Ayman Mohed Yeldin, documented the aftermath in stark detail.
Today, NBC pulled him out of Gaza.
His quick hook and replacement has raised questions about NBC's motivations, according to an inside report by Glenn Greenwald in the intercept.
He says he has been told by NBC executives to leave Gaza immediately.
According to an NBC Source upset at his treatment, the executive claimed the decision was motivated by security concerns as Israel prepares a ground invasion.
A claim repeated to Glenn Greenwald by an NBC executive.
But late yesterday, NBC said another correspondent, Richard Engel, along with an American producer who has never been to Gazba, Gaza, and speaks no Arabic, into Gaza to cover the ongoing Israeli assault.
Both Moheddin and Engel speak Arabic.
Okay, so that happened.
So then there was an outrage in public media over it and Twitter about it.
And then so NBC felt the heat the other way and they sent him back.
No.
Yeah, so they sent him back to go do some reporting.
He, boy, he really reported it.
So anyway, so that happened.
And then there was this woman who went on MSNBC.
Her name is, God, these are tough readings.
Rula Jebriel.
Man, that's not so hard.
Rula Jebriel.
And she's an NBC, MSNBC contributor, right?
And she went on the Ronin Daily show and listened to what she said on Ronan Daily, the Ronan Faroe show.
Did I say Ronan Daily?
Yeah, you did.
The Ronan Faroe show.
Ronan Faro, of course.
Rula, if that's the case, why can't American leaders be more honest?
Well, because of AIPAC and because of the money behind it, and because of Sheldon Adamson, and because of all of us in the media, we're ridiculous.
We are disgustingly biased when it comes to this issue.
Look at how many airtime Netanyahu and his folks have on air on a daily basis.
Andrea Mitchell and others.
I never seen one Palestinian being interviewed on these same issues.
Maybe for 30 seconds, and then you have 25 minutes for Bibi Netanyahu and half an hour for Naftali Bene and many others.
Listen, the Ayman Mohedin story.
Let's talk about this.
We are home and we can dis this.
Ayman Moheddin is covering the Palestinian sides and we get upset.
It's too pro-Palestinian.
We don't like it.
We push him back.
And thanks for social media that brought him in.
Let's talk about these.
But doesn't it reveal equally our thinking that we now have Ayman Mohedin on air?
And I think there's been very fair amount of time.
Thanks to social media and thanks for the pushback from the public opinion.
And I'm not saying that everybody's like this, but it's one-tenth is giving to the Palestinian voice and 99% to the Israeli voice.
And that's why the public opinion is pro-Israeli, which is the opposite in the rest of the world.
Okay, so I guess it goes without saying she was no longer welcome back at MSNBC after that.
Really?
Yeah, so she tweeted after that, hey, all my future appearances have been canceled.
Isn't that a coincidence?
And of course, it's not a coincidence, but yeah, so that happened to her.
And then, by the way, so just as we were coming in to do the show, I saw this story that was at BuzzFeed.
It said MSNBC contributor who slammed the network labeled Palestinian journalist during her next appearance.
Okay, so she says, so her name is Jebriel tells Democracy Now that her contract as an MSNBC paid contributor is up and that she's currently negotiating with the network.
And so when they bring her on as an MSNBC contributor, she was she is now called on her, what do they call those, a Chiron, where it says your name and what your title is.
It says her name and then it says Palestinian journalist.
Yeah, her usual Chiron says MSNBC contributor, but now it says Rula Jebriel, Palestinian journalist.
Isn't that funny?
It's hilarious.
Yes.
So anyway, well, hey, you know, kudos, hey, whatever.
At least they, I guess, have on a voice of dissent a little bit, I guess.
But that caused a big stir.
Isn't that funny?
So they pull that guy back from Gaza.
That happened.
They cancel the rest of her appearances.
And then, boy, this social media is really something.
Anyway, that's like my grandpa.
I tell you, the social media, these VCRs are something.
Have you seen them?
You could tape a show right off the thing.
And now a reading from the book, Morning Remembrance.
funny obituaries of real dead people by jim earl Polysteric Cameron, developer of the giant impact theory.
Polystyre Cameron, the astrophysicist who first theorized the moon was formed billions of years ago after Earth collided with another planet, died recently when a chunk of arterial plaque collided with his heart.
His giant impact theory of 1976 was widely mocked until overshadowed by Elton John teaming up with Kiki D. Cameron's giant impact theory postulated that the moon was created after an object the size of Mars struck Earth, leaving huge amounts of rubble in its wake that eventually formed the moon in parts of the Bronx.
In his quest for answers, Cameron also discovered how gigantic dying stars create new stars as they explode.
In other words, he helped solve the mystery of Lisa Marie Presley's career.
Cameron requested his body be hurled at light speed into Paul Sorvino.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Nice job.
MUSIC That was a reading from the book Morning Remembrance.
Funny obituaries of real dead people by Jim Earle.
Available at JimEarl.com.
So Expendables 3 is out and it's got a lot of stars in it and they're making phone calls to radio shows to help promote the movie, get people to come out and see it.
And here I got a call.
They left me a message.
Guess who it was?
It was our good friend Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Jimmy Dora.
It is me.
I'm in a new movie.
The Expendables 3, in which I reprise my role as, I don't know, who doesn't actually do action guy.
I have to be honest, Jimmy Dora.
When I did the first two Expandables movies, I didn't even know I was doing them.
I thought I was just talking to those guys.
It turned out I was totally acting all time.
But if you look at the artics, I thought I was just having a conversation with Sai Stallon about that planet Hollywood was not a good thing we did.
And then he just sort of edited around it.
This is not good.
I should not be doing these things.
Cameos in these action movies.
Soon I'll be doing guest patch and law and order.
And maybe the love boat.
That's love boat.
Then I'll be a panelist on Match Game PM.
I'll be on there.
Drunk.
Wearing a diaper.
Wishing I could just die.
Make your dirty puns.
I don't even understand.
Maybe if people go see the expandable three, I will not have to do these things.
And I will be able to do something dignified.
Like maybe revival on Broadway.
I don't know.
Maybe Kate on a Hotkins roof thing.
I never played Big Daddy.
I never called me that because of my giant muscles.
Never defeat Ken Sun Cooks and ladies.
And we're all of the trouble whatever.
So go see the Expandable 3.
That will all happen.
I will not have to die wearing a diaphragm syndication.
Jimmy Door, NSCP audience, please do not let this happen.
Cardi 800 number listed below.
Call now, you're fucking sheep.
No.
Okay, that was Arnold Dorzer.
All right.
Hey, guess who called me?
They're doing the Expendables 3, and Harrison Ford is in, and he's calling around making promotional calls.
And so here he is.
He called Nate.
Jimmy Dore.
All right.
This is Harrison Ford.
So look, I'm in this Expendables movie, and I'm contractually required to do press on it for, you know.
Go see the Expendables 3.
Whatever.
I really don't care.
You know what are good?
Brownies.
Look like a buck ton of walnuts.
I like the walnuts because they're crunchy.
Oh, man.
I gotta make like 2,000 more of these calls.
It's so goddamn boring.
Can I tell you something?
My wife, Colifta Flockheart, has the tightest veg ever.
You could turn Cole into a diamond in there, man.
Oh, yeah.
So, yeah, go see this picture.
There should be air conditioning in the theater.
That's something.
Okay, that was Harrison 4.
Really proud of his wife.
Could not have turned out better.
Yeah, really nice.
Hey, you know who else called me to talk about the Expendables 3 was Mel Gibson.
But that call is a little too over the top.
In fact, I'm afraid we're going to get complaints.
So I'm only going to put that one in the premium content.
Okay.
So if you want to hear Mel Gibson and how too offensive for the Jimmy Dore show, how offensive is that?
That's how offensive it is.
So we're putting it in the premium content, and hopefully it won't be nobody in the mainstream will pick up on it.
Plus, Arnold Schwarzenegger is in the premium content this week.
Now, I know I didn't have a premium content last week, but that's because it was this, you know, crazy week.
I was in Vegas and everything's crazy happening.
But we're back at it double dose this week in the premium content with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I got to tell you, something happens when Mike starts speaking like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And he started speaking in German.
Didn't know Mike could speak German.
Anyway, so a lot of it's on, it's hilarious.
Plus, we have the Mel Gibson call in the premium content.
How do I get the premium content, Jimmy?
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on premium, you make your donation, which is only $5 a month.
That's less than the price of, you know, lots of things.
So go ahead and do that.
And then we'll send you the passcode.
And then you go check out the premium content.
You can get it on the, we have an app now, the iPhone app.
And someone sent me an email that they are going to, they could do a put together, what did he, what are the, although an Android app for me.
So I got to check.
I got to recheck.
You know, I'm not Mr. Organized, so lots of emails slip through the cracks and things and what have you, but I'm on top of most things.
Anyway, today's my birthday, so that's another reason why this got dropped a little.
It's getting dropped today and not last night.
And just came back from KCAL 9 promoting the new book.
And the women at KCal9 news were very nice.
So it's been very busy doing a lot of I did the Alan Comb show.
And of course, Alan Combs could not be nicer.
He's such an affable, nice guy.
But I realized his show is on Fox radio.
Really?
So I was wondering, like, why?
I wonder who listens to him on the Fox radio.
Anyway, but thanks to Alan Colbs.
That's very nice.
Anyway, so that's what's coming up in the premium content.
And I want to let everyone know, August 28th, if you're in the LA area, I'll be signing the book, Your Country's Just Not That Into You at the Romans in Pasadena.
So that's exciting to me.
So I'll have that up.
That's up at the website.
Okay, so that's it for this week.
I don't really have much else to tell you.
Thanks for listening.
Enjoy your summer.
I want to say this today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Robert Yasamura, Mark Van Landuitt, and Steph Zamarano.
The voice, of course, on the NPR promo.
The one and only, the inimitable Mark Thompson.
Also at the top of the show, the voice of our announcer introducing the show, my good buddy Ron Lynch.
Okay, and don't forget, August 28th, Vromans Bookstore, Pasadena.
I'll be signing books.
If you're in the LA area, come to Vromans, the great bookstore, Pasadena, 7 p.m.
The 28th, I'll be signing the Your Country's Just Not That Into You.
Okay, that's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Dore saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
yes Well, I would like it to dance to chance.
I would like you to dance I would like you to
dance We'll be right back.
Well, I would like it to dance.
Take it to dance.
Cause I would like it to death Oh yeah yeah yeah Oh yeah yeah Say it's your birthday, Julia.
And it's a Friday, the world of a good time.
Now it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Julia.
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